#Even then people say this to adults because they are showing negative emotions due to something

[torchstelechos]

Hate when people say "welcome to the real world" cause my brother in christ aren't we always in the real world??

[coolingrosa]

Honestly about nightmare....it upset me quite a bit how he just didn't at all understand why Killer was acting out like this. It felt so obvious? Like with Dust showing up and Killer acting out in response to it....Unless this is a common occurrence? I am really wondering what nightmare thought about this, if he even tried to read Killer and his behaviour or perhaps ask Dust about the relationship between the two. Did he just not think anything about it? Just assume "oh its a kid throwing a tantrum, it'll pass"? Man i'd rly like to know it from his perspective. Maybe he is used to ppl throwing tantrums, considering I am pretty sure error flips out a lot too. I guess the problem hereby lies with the fact error is an immortal and an adult and killer,.,,is not. and nightmare just simple doesn't distinguish the two properly.

But honestly I think nightmare should have known better than to snap at Killer ToT..... I believe that him snapping did ultimately the most damage, error just kinda added a bit more salt to it to be put it simple. After all Killer favoured Nightmare obviously a lot more than Error, he was like a parent figure for him basically. So Nightmare snapping would mean a lot more than what Error says. I don't like how error told Killer that advice though, he basically just told him to "suck it up", in the pretense of "caring" for nightmare and not wanting to see him upset. It feels wrong to say that error cares though, because of how he is STILL stuck in the past. It almost feels like he is talking and giving advice to Killer more for himself than for nightmares sake.

Both error and nightmare are so inexperienced with mortals and so fucking mentally fucked up themselves, I doubt they will act any different unless someone who is a mortal corrects them...And I honestly thought Dust would do it? At one point it felt like he knew why Killer did it, but then it felt like he did not?

ultimate question however: how will nightmare react to Killers change? I wonder if alarm bells will ring or if he will just think that Killers "phase" finally passed. And I fear it'll be the latter.... So sorry for the long ass essay, I have SO many questions AND IT IS SO HARD TO TELL WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND HOW THIS MESS OF A MAKE-SHIFT FAMILY IS GOING TO DEVELOPE.....

You’re analysis is so wonderful and definitely the mixed emotions I wanted to give. Especially since good and evil doesn’t exist in Roseverse, just people and their actions. A lot of my YouTube and tiktok dragged on Dream solely for a while due to the limited knowledge, so chapter four was a big drop as it showed just how out of depth and horrible Nightmare and Error could be as well. I’m gonna try to answer each part of this the best I can without revealing too much!

1. Nightmare is used to Killer acting out, which happened a lot in the pilot, so he doesn’t put two and two together that these moments are connected- especially since Killer has never been put in a situation around him to show that he ALSO has jealousy issues as well as self esteem issues. For a while it was just them and sometimes Error in the castle, which Killer never showed an act of jealously towards- only distrust.

2. Nightmare’s perspective won’t be shown a lot in the next Bad Sanses chapter unfortunately, so I’ll try my best to explain his reasoning here. Don’t take it as a defense. I may explain characters and their actions, but at the end of the day, Nightmare is a adult and has a responsibility.

Nightmare’s main flaw (and I can now finally state this) is that he doesn’t care for people who are not under his radar. Saying he doesn’t know much about negative emotions is redundant, but his abilities to help with them have long since faded ever since the loss of Ink. Killer clearly is the product of a teenager with intense mental health issues, and Nightmare never got to see Ink as a bratty teenager. Killer is the only example around him and so he quite frankly sucks at it and sees his outbursts as…well…tantrums. He can’t fully see Killer for what he is and constantly sees him as a child due to his own age, and that belittling makes Killer’s emotions and rightful feelings come across as childish to Nightmare.

The mention of Error is also correct. Nightmare is used to emotional and violent outbursts since he was thirteen- especially from those close to him. Error and Nightmare as children weren’t healthy and Error was an abusive friend. I will always state that. However, though Error improved his ways, Nightmare never fully blamed him for such things and therefore never saw anything wrong with the people he loved lashing out and being hurtful. It’s normal for him- and also not smth to be addressed in his eyes. However, Killer is a child and as the adult, Nightmare has a responsibility to step in and correct his behavior with disciplinary action rather than passiveness. But, of course, he doesn’t until he finally snaps

3. Yeahhh I will say what Error told Killer didn’t bother him too much until he made the comment about Dust. Killer is far too use to the verbal abuse Error shoots at him that it rolled off of him and he was more annoyed Error was still in the room. Error and Killer just aren’t and will never be close enough for their fights to leave any impact. Nightmare, though? After finding out truly what Nightmare is capable of and then being told that? Oh, yeah, Killer is crushed.

4. This was one of the few times Error tried to actually help in his own way. Error doesn’t word himself well, even when being vulnerable. He hoped Killer would understand it as “there’s no need to lash out as ur already here and cared for. So just stop hating urself and others and finally feel secure. “ Was it not so great advice and easy to be misunderstood from what he actually meant? Yea. Did he just COMPLETELY miss the mark on mental health and the struggles of slowly getting over the fear of abandonment and the steps it takes to FEEL that security? YEAH LMAO. But Killer definitely misunderstood him as well. And Error also misunderstood something about Dust as well. I’ll expand more on that in my last point.

5. Dust may be smart, but he can’t put together a case without solid evidence and explanation and due to him not being there from the start, he doesn’t truly understand why Killer is acting like he is. He knows it has something to do with Nightmare, but what that actually is? He can’t know. I believe this won’t be a shock, but Dust does think Killer was being abused by Nightmare and therefore becomes like a guard dog. When Killer jumps him, that ideas gets thrown out the window and Dust is left utterly confused on the motives. He doesn’t hate him, though. He’s just confused, and hurt.

6. And unfortunately, Dust isn’t empathetic enough to be the one to truly understand things. Wonder who will be, though…

7. I cant say too much as that’s a chapter seven thing, but I will say it’s where Gus the immortal frog comes in (Killer’s pet) and given by Nightmare. I’m sure you can put two and two together as to why Nightmare, who is clueless about everything teenager related, is stooping to giving the apathetic Killer a pet 😭

8. Almost forgot this part but Killer is an unreliable narrator. He will always be, and the next bad Sanses chapter will see that, as it won’t be in his perspective solely. Everything he sees and thinks is unreliable. For example, when they reach the au and Dust is slowly blinking at him while Killer demands to know why he came too, Killer takes it as a threat. What if Dust actually doing? Blinking at him like he’s a angry cat bc Dust doesn’t understand emotions and defeats to animal behaviors to help soothe this teenager LMAO

[abyssmare]

Kazui Sexuality Analysis

For the past few months, i’ve convinced multiple people that Kazui Mukuhara is gay— and with the introduction of the Cat MV, I felt it’d be good to make a master list documenting exactly why the theory came across. Primarily to indoctrinate people. Sorry. Thank you @prisoner-000 for helping me with this! >_< ( Despite me initially being the one indoctrinating you lol! )

TW : Open talk discussing Suicide.

WARNING : Spoilers for Trial 2.

Welcome to the ride.

Also I forget Hinako canonically has a name so she’s referred to as “his wife” the whole time. Oops..

Let’s start with the First Trial Voice Drama: “Gouging in the Night” / “Another Night”.

With this being an introductory voice drama, it’s hard to necessarily gauge much of the depth regarding Kazui’s character, but we do get our first introductory to his heavily emphasized ‘lying’ aspect of his character. We also get multiple instances in which he identifies adults with being those that cannot act on their emotions, as Kazui did, because in doing so makes them ‘weak’. Es refers to Kazui as someone with a fake smile, that’s been “consciously crafted to show himself a certain way”, which can be common in those that have experiences having to mask their identity due to a rough home-life / lack of being understood by peers around them.

“What's so good about it? I don't like this.It's just a fake smile that you've consciously crafted to show yourself in a certain way. You're acting based on how you want others to see you - your face clearly shows that you're lying.”

“This is, this is.... You're pretty strict. * Laughs* it's not like I'm not scared at all, either. But I've got the responsibility that comes with being older, too - even in an abnormal situation like this, there's no way I could just let myself panic in front of the kids. Well, even if it's fake, adults need to keep up a smile... in order to not let you young ones down, you know.”

Having to keep up a ‘mask’/‘facade’ in order to keep those around him happy.

—— • ——

“If you say that I'm lying.. You might just be right. Unfortunately, once you're an adult, you get very good at lying.”

“.. Adults, huh?”

Another brief mention of ‘lying’ being natural for adults.

—— • ——

“I... see. It might be as you say. We just become more and more passive to avoid causing pain. Yeah... that's right. It's true that my lies killed her, and even now, I still haven't changed. No, that's not it - I can't change because I was already born this way. But... Don't talk big without even knowing a thing about my feelings, kid.”

“...Nice to meet you, Kazui Mukuhara, it feels like I've finally come face to face with you. Well met, I am Es, the prison guard of MILGRAM.”

“* Exhales, chuckles * Such a fashionable way of greeting, huh? Well, hopefully, you won't come to regret this. These kinds of relationships tend to bring pain with them.”

Despite his wife dying, he says he has not changed, despite all the guilt he supposedly holds for her suicide.

A vague remark regarding their relationship being inherently ‘painful’, despite it being shown that they seemed happy in their relationship. This is emphasized in the “Cat” MV, where you get a better glimpse at their personal relationship.

—— • ——

“As you know, with this personality of mine... I have trouble talking to others about myself openly. I guess, despite physically being as big as I am, I've still got a cowardly side to myself.”

“I'm not interested in your self-deprecation.”

“There's something I'm thinking about now, with this situation... I... all of my sins and weaknesses that I've been hiding... I might have been subconciously waiting for for someone to forcibly uncover them all along.”

He has been “subconsciously waiting for someone to forcibly uncover them,” which implies a sense of relief when he is finally uncovered as a liar. He would not have to show face, or lie about himself.

This is common in gay people who cannot reveal their identity due to negative reception/social status. It is easier to hide than it is to reveal and be honest with those around you, though that relief would still exist.

—————————————————

The “Half” MV.

the title for half could easily be showing a one-sided love— only one ‘half’ sharing that love.

“If only your heart would change, but that’s not possible.”

Here we begin with the first bits of implication, and strongly at that. The description of the video highlights a lyrical piece I believe is incredibly important— as I personally believe it’s him speaking to himself. He had no reason for his wife to have a change of heart, he is shaming himself here. He has openly stated he dislikes himself, so it’s not necessarily surprising.

“Laughing together, side by side, this distance in our relationship is misleading me. Is this what happiness is?”

Under the idea that Kazui seeked compassion and love in a relationship, as it’s hinted at in “Cat”, it’s likely around this time that he actually began to realize that he had struggled to be attracted to her beyond face value. What he lists is not inherently romantic, and in fact can be viewed as a lyric about a best friend whom viewed him as a lover.

“Where did I go wrong? Probably from the beginning,

Please tell me what I should do, feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear”

He’s beginning to understand that his feelings aren’t attraction to her, but built up on the ideal of what attraction should be. Kazui mentions that his parents would be disappointed in him now— and that begs the question, why? His life was generally exactly as you’d expect if not more from an adult man. He seemed to have a well-off job, a loving wife, and the only thing missing is a lack of kids. There was nothing there to disappoint them in the first place.

“I could try you, and I could touch you, but you probably wouldn’t notice

I understand that this love is out of bounds, so nothing has to change”

After these lines, likely referencing Kazui’s inability to grasp their relationship romantically, he is shown to stare up at his audience member self. I am under the belief that there are two Kazui’s: the one masking his sexuality, and the other painfully aware of it. The ‘actor’ (masking) one proceeds to gesture his head over for the audience member to proceed to the right— and this is where he sees it.

The “Forbidden Fruit” Motif

This will be referenced in both MV’s.

It’s hard to explain the origin of the “Forbidden Fruit” idea, but the generalized concensus for the usage of this motif in media is the following :

As a metaphor outside of the Abrahamic religions, the phrase typically refers to any indulgence or pleasure that is considered illegal or immoral.

Kazui’s forbidden fruit motif is intense. The representation of it through a green apple is something he finds with distaste, stepping away from it and staring aghast.

“All this time till now has hurt me. The scales of my heart has decided to sway.”

Kazui is unhappy. He is admitting to that unhappiness, even being pictured in the MV as this is when he confessed to his wife.

“If continuing to hide is called unhappiness, not even one word will get to you.”

I’m not sure what to make of the second part, I believe to an extent this is her ‘denial’ of his feelings. A fear that this is happening, something that is truly real. Kazui openly states he’s unhappy, and she cannot fathom that. Reasonably so.

“I’m sure nothing will change and we’ll laugh together and call each other stupid names.

So many things I wish I hadn’t known, i’m just a coward.

Why is it questioning me now?”

Kazui wished to remain friends. And that broke her. That broke her enough to which she ended up committing suicide. He was oblivious, and let his emotional side get to him— this is why he insists on the fact he “failed when he prioritized his emotions.”

—————————————————

The Birthday Art

For their birthdays in 2021, Milgram released art + merch with the characters, with flowers representative of aspects of their characters. Flower meaning plays a large role in this.

Kazui has a spiderwort on his vest. This can be representative of “wisdom” or “I respect you, but not in love”. Uh.. do I really have to hyper-analyze this?

—————————————————

Second Trial Voice Drama : “ Imposter Boulevard “

FINALLY. Dead confirmation that the cheating theories are entirely false— which begs the question of ‘What the hell is going on with this man?’ … You know why we’re here.

In this voice drama, i’d argue he’s incredibly open about the fact there’s more to him than we initially believed. Thank you Onigiriico for the translations!

“That’s ridiculous. If you can save someone by telling a lie, that’s what you should do.”

“However… You killed someone with your lies, didn’t you?”

“… Ah… You forgave me, didn’t you? Aren’t you being especially strict towards me?”

He admits that lying in order to save someone is where his moral compass lies.

“Marriage is something that both partners want equally, isn’t it? It’s something you can’t do if only one person wants it. Deciding to treat it as a punishment all on your own… You’re making a mockery out of it.”

“I really am. Ah… She must have thought so as well. My wife, that is.”

“I’ve said this before: You’re a liar. Those lies have killed a person.”

No notes. You get it.

“I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful.”

“Heh. Then just–“

“So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others!”

“…”

“I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born!”

“…Hey, Kazui–“

“It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…!”

The implication that he has had to ‘confide’ in others, attempting to be himself rather than the masking he has done all his life.. and now here he is, in Milgram, reminded of his past. Hauntingly, almost.

“All the lies I’ve told are tying me down. Ever since I was little, I’ve never truly opened myself to anyone. But in the end, people can’t be saved if they don’t [open up]. And by now, it’s gotten to a point where I can’t do it by myself anymore…”

( machinery whirrs, bell rings )

“I did think Milgram would be able to force its way past that, though.”

He’s hidden he was gay since he was a child, but he knows the Milgram Prison of all things can dig into his memory and force him to confess.

—————————————————

The “Cat” MV.

With the active removal of the ‘cheating’ theory people centrically revolved towards, the introduction of the “Cat” MV was something i’ve been looking forward to for a while now due to the possibilities that it contained. And possibilities it showed, investing in the origin of the couple we’ve been following for so long. Two coworkers turned into a married couple, happily together with one ‘small’ issue. Kazui seems to recognize that his feelings for hers do not match what she wishes.. after they’re married.

“I just wanted to touch, to caress, i just wanted to be touched. So it’s wrong? Shove that!”

“If it’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lis for that?”

Kazui is seeking attention. He views romantic relationships as capable of giving him that, and assumed that’s what the relationships entail. In doing so, he’s indirectly ‘using’ her for the romantic aspects he’s unaware he doesn’t reciprocate. He views this as the normality for relationships, assumably having not been in many before then.

“Love (plus) Destiny = Crap

Smash it, shatter it, bye-bye

That sticky-sweet sequence: Dinner + Camouflage + You-Know-What

Loving Affection (minus) Love

Victim and Perpetrator, let’s keep it simple”

A long collective of lines, but it’s perfectly representative of what I previously stated. Kazui cannot understand what is meant to be a romantic relationship. In discovering what he believes to be one, he lashes out, assuming that relationships are something that he deem more inconvenient than the exciting things that are talked about in stories.

This is where Kazui begins to realize he is not happy in his relationship, and it is not because of his wife. And of course, in response to this distress— not too long later in the video, the green apple returns.

The return of the “Forbidden Fruit”, a constant reminder that he is living a lie. I don’t believe this is directly meant to symbolize his homosexuality, but rather the aspects of it he is trying to ignore. He is hiding the things he knows will hurt her, even if it hurts him. As stated in one of the lines during this sequence:

“All the things I wanna do that I can’t say out loud, I gotta keep it inside and act.”

He has conformed to the idea of just being another actor playing his role in life. This will crumble soon. For both their sakes.

Quickly, the sequence shifts once again to Kazui’s inner dialogue.

“I can’t stop, I can’t be normal

This feeling, it can’t be gratified

This feeling, it yearns to be satisfied”

Kazui yearns for what he can’t have: a relationship where he shares the feelings his partner does. He yearns to love and be loved. He is an adult, far too late in his life ( in his eyes ) to do so. It’d be selfish to turn back now and begin a new life, but it’s just as painful to live a lie of loving someone he just is not capable of loving. This is why the sequence breaks so quickly.

He cannot confide in the smoking he is indulging in to cope, quickly taking the animal and taking a bite, representative of him tearing their marriage apart by his ‘confession’.

“I want to be loved, just like a cat”

And then his wife is shown to die, him bloodied from the animal and nothing but the facade left in the dust.

Kazui Mukuhara and Hinako Mukuhara were never meant to love. But in Kazui’s desperation, and Hinako’s love, they’ve created a lavender marriage(1) webbed in lies and deception— and the only way a love story like this ends is in tragedy.

—————————————————

Interrogation Notables

Who do you respect?

“You wouldn’t know them, but I have a childhood friend. I really look up to them. Sorry for bringing up someone you have no clue about.”

Do note that this “childhood friend” he briefly mentions has had he/him pronouns in a few translations. It is also notable that he mentions said childhood friend owns a boat. And guys like boats idk im grasping for straws here as usual

Is your family proud of you?

“No. They must find me embarrassing.”

Logic or Emotion, which do you prioritize more?

“I’ve failed before when prioritizing emotions. I’ll never act on my feelings again.”

Do you like yourself?

“Well, not really.”

If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do?

“Relax and go traveling, I guess. That childhood friend I talked about before has a boat.”

Do you regret your “murder”?

“I do regret it. I should’ve continued to just pile up my lies.”

Do you want to be forgiven?

“I don’t know. I do think I want my weakness to be accepted, if I were to be honest.”

—————————————————

Extra Speculation/Key Notes

The René Magritte painting comparison is something that’s notably been pointed out since Cat’s release, being that one of the shots mimics a painting of René Magritte’s very closely— though, one would mark it as coincidence, the comparison and meaning behind the piece actually makes it appear intentional.

The meaning behind the painting ‘The Son of the Man’, or in Margritte’s words, is “Everything we see hides something else. We always want to see what is hidden with what we see but this is not possible. Humans hide their secrets very well.” This is clearly intentional, given Kazui’s open inability to just confess to his ‘lying’ himself- entrusting on Milgram to open up his mind and make him confess to something he has hidden ‘since he was young’.

The “bartender”, or as the fandom has dubbed him “Kazui’s gay lover”, is a very popular outsider character to Milgram due to his seemingly close connection to Kazui. He is shown in both the “Half” and “Cat” as a sort of friend to him— a connection to the bar he is familiar with, and even resorts to in rough times. In the “Half” MV he is notably missing a wedding ring, whilst at the “Cat” wedding he is wearing one.

Many people theorize that Kazui recognized he had feelings for this man, and that was his way of recognizing that he was gay, whilst the feelings were unreciprocated due to him being assumably married. In a shot in “Cat”, Kazui is seen staring into a glass, although it’s unknown where or whom he is speaking to. A line says the following:

“Hey, so what if I said I like-liked you, what would you do?”

This is post-wedding, clearly thanks to Kazui’s scuffed appearance. But that is in no-way you would speak to your wife, is it not? It is easy to assume that he is speaking to the bartender in this instance.

DO NOTE : It is possible the bartender is not featured in the “Cat” MV, and it happens to be a design incredibly similar. He was in the center of the shot though, and that’d be an insane coincidence IMO.

@prisoner-000 : “ The roles he takes on in the play (Soldier, office worker, host) are anchored in masculinity, at least in their societal perceptions. His actor costume is supposed to represent his status as an actor even more clearly. (There seems to be a recurring motif of him as an “actor”). “

@prisoner-000 : Portal interaction addition.

—————————————————

I LOVE YOU KAZUI! 🫡🏳️‍🌈

I hope this does him justice..

I put a lot of effort into this, it would mean a lot if you interacted so more people could see. Thank you for reading!!

[xexiar]

Nothing like chatting with a friend and they go “Bakugo is a spoil brat.” While I’m over here telling them “Nope! Bakugo suffers from Gifted Child Syndrome.”

Let me explain.

Bakugo is smart af. Like at a very young age he was smarter than other kids his age. He’s even highly praise for his “amazing” quirk. So, he’s put in the spotlight on having extremely high expectations.

So, he’s constantly having to keep the image that he’s perfect. Because if he doesn’t there’s likely a lot of negative pressure from the adults in his life. He pretty much wasn’t allowed to be a kid.

And how does someone who has to constantly being the spotlight would behave after a while. He’s not allowed to be weak. So what’s the only acceptable emotion he can show? Anger. Pure aggression. Because it’s the only thing left.

At that, a spoiled brat typically doesn’t know how to cook and care for themselves. And Bakugo over and over again proves he not only takes care of himself, but also in under a lot of pressure.

Most likely he whole life nobody ever treated him as a person. Everyone saw him as a “thing”. Yet the only one who saw him for him was Izuku. Hence why, I believe, is another reason he lashed out.

Bullies are usually lashing out due to not having any other coping skills to handle their personal issues. And so lashing out at the one person that understands is the only thing he thinks he has to do.

When Bakugo gets to UA is when he finally gets the chance to have a reality check. He finally sees that he’s not at the top and it’s ok. That there’s people, besides Izuku, that sees him for him.

He gets a chance to truly breathe and isn’t pressured to be perfect. He finally got the chance to freely explore options he didn’t think were possible. And I can strongly sympathize with both him and Izuku.

I was bullied my whole childhood. Heck, I was also put on the spotlight to be absolutely perfect. That’s a lot of baggage that not a lot of people get. It doesn’t help that I wasn’t allowed to be a kid. I had to grow up without getting a chance to grow up.

But unlike Bakugo, I pulled a Izuku. I had pent up anger and I was extremely aggressive during my high school years because I didn’t know what else to do.

Basically what I’m saying is that since Bakugo is in high school, he’s getting the chance to find himself. He’s not a brat because of money. He had an ego because that is all he knew.

Which makes it even more enjoyable to watching how to trauma babies slowly heal from what they been through and find each other. Especially accepting the feelings that they always been told shouldn’t be there.

And I’m trying really hard to make this point as I write my BKDK fanfic, Keep Watching.

[acupofoanh]

2024, the year of many firsts

I can't believe that 2024 is already over. Time flies, especially now that I'm approaching my mid-thirties.

As a tradition, the new year is a time for me to reflect and acknowledge on what I achieved and where I need to improve.

2024 has definitely been a turning point in my life on many levels. It was a year of many firsts.

The biggest move this year was that I finally realized one of my dreams : becoming a journalist ! I wanted to do this job since I was 13 years old but growing up asian in France, there were no representation of asian in the medias and also asian families don't encourage their children to pursue this kind of career. Also, I received a lot of negative comments coming from adults, discouraging me, saying that I was too shy and that I was not vocal enough. Turned out that I was an introvert and that doesn't mean that I couldn't be a journalist. I also got a comment from my own genitor, saying that I was not pretty enough to do this job. Yes, adults telling those things to a child. I ended giving up this dream and pursued the classic path. But, I always felt miserable in my corporate jobs and the dream of becoming a journalist never faded. When I hit my thirties, I was more confident, so I started to look into changing my career path. It is finally after my year of expatriation in Ireland, that I signed up for a degree in multimedia journalism at the age of 33. Started in September 2023 and graduated in April 2024. Since then, I worked at a local journal this summer and did an internship in one of the biggest radio station in the world covering international news, Radio France Internationale. Now that 2024 has ended, I'm proud of how far I've come.

Getting back in the dating scene. That one is a really scary one. As someone with detachment and anxiety disorders due to CPTSD, emotional and physical neglect, getting close to people in a romantic way is probably my biggest struggle. I never found someone with who I totally clicked. Truth is I unconsciously reject people that try to get close to me or let people in, because I'm scared. This year I forced myself to meet new people. I can' t say that was a success, but it's a first step and I still want to continue on this path.

My first trip to Copenhague in Denmark ! My first time in a nordic country. That definitely was a highlight of 2024. I've always been attracted to this part of the world and this trip confirmed my love for it. I see myself living there. The way of life, the cultural scene, the architecture, the food... I can't wait to be back.

2024 was also the year where my body showed signs of aging. Ok, I'm only 34 but at this age the body is less flexible. If I sleep in a weird position, my body will ache the next morning. That's how I got for the first time ever, a stiff neck followed by terrible positional vertigoes after hours of non stop scrolling on the phone. That was one month before the start of my first job as a journalist. So stressful. The stiff neck was ok but the positional vertigoes, WOW, I didn't know what it was when I got it. If you have this for the first time it's really impressive because your head spin around even when you are laying on your bed. Very stressful but it eventually went away by itself (not totally though). The doctor doesn't really know why it happened in my case but I suspect the stiff neck combined with the obsessive scrolling on the phone for hours in a weird position is the reasons. Since then, I've reduced my time on the phone.

Naturally after the previous point which was a big signal from my body, I've decided to get a routine. Yoga in the morning and 2 to 3 times a week, doing gain strength exercices. For the first time in my life, I've been consistent to a routine. I remember the first few weeks were hard to stay motivated but finally, it has become a part of my life. And now, if I miss the routine, I feel something is lacking.

What can I wish for 2025 ? Well, the same commandments that I try to follow since my thirties.

I hope to stay true to myself,

and keep letting go things that I can't control. In other words, be less dramatic about things, I'm such an emo kid deep down.

Less screen time !!! For more reading. I'm challenging myself to read one book per month, which I failed doing in 2024.

Enjoying the present moment and not taking for granted my time with my family.

And the last one, creating, developing and maintaining genuine relationships.

Bye 2024, you've been kind to me, not easy sometimes but overall, I learned so much about myself and my abilities.

I wish you all a happy new year.

Kiểu Oanh

[avoidantrecovery]

i love this video of venus williams being protected by her dad during her interview. because it it depicts something that is usually so hard to pin point, even if you've been through it.

the journalist asks a seemingly normal question about whether venus thinks she‘ll win and she says yes. he comments on how confident she is, which she agrees to. then he asks her why she thinks this and she begins to provide her answer, elaborating on her previous reply. he continues to prod. people who have never experienced emotional abuse, never seem to understand how banal some of it can come across as. you might even be called overly sensitive for picking up on something like this. and i‘m not saying that the journalist is emotionally abusing her, but it begins where he lets off essentially.

he is, consciously or not, trying to get under her skin and into her head, even though she is still a child. he wants a certain reply from her, maybe for her to show humility or uncertainty instead of her steadfast belief in herself. he never yells or looks angry, but he is applying pressure wants her to essentially change her own assessment and opinion of herself and her skills to suit his (needs). maybe he wants a certain headline, maybe it’s just a personal thing. and this is when her dad steps in.

and rightly so, he recognises what is going on immediately and wants to protect his daughter from limiting thoughts that might crop up in her mind due to these questions. even seemingly simple questions like that can unsettle and make someone unsure of what they just said. especially if it's a child/minor vs an adult in a conversation. and when it's done over and over again.

now imagine if instead of it being a journalist, it's your parent and there is nobody to stop the questions and interrogation. a parent who feels threatened perhaps by your youth or innocence or curiosity and naivety, things you don't have any control over and should be able to experience like everyone else gets to. every time you try to assert yourself, discover who you are as a person, start hobbies, a sport, just sit in your room, or go outside with the one friend you have, anything really...you are pummelled by a barrage of questions meant to make you doubt yourself. sometimes it's small comments, sometimes they are snide, other times passive-aggressive. you are told you are worthless, unwanted, a curse, and will never make it or survive without them. you are blamed for everything, you are attacked, you are triangulated into arguments that have nothing to do with you, even the love you still have for your parent(s) is rejected or viewed with suspicion. this goes on for hours sometimes. over and over again for years on end through your entire formative years.

as a result, your sense of self shrinks, shame begins to build and anything you associate with yourself makes you doubt and question. is it even worth it, are you able to do it, what is the point etc…? you begin to feel like an imposter, no matter how much you practise or how good you are. you feel like all love/care is transactional and since you already think lowly of yourself you the thought that nobody would ever truly value you begins to form. and if they do, you cannot handle it and you sabotage. when you‘re at you lowest and need to come up with a way to solve your problems, their questions and doubts come up to the surface, instead of what you actually need.

as children, the most important thing to our survival is our parents. so if they say something negative about us, we align our own thoughts and opinions with theirs in order to be on their good side, in order to survive. even if we know what they are saying is wrong. it is hard to hold two opposing views at the same time (also a source of neurosis according to jung) so sooner or later something will have to give.

i recently re-discovered the concept of limiting beliefs. it's essentially core beliefs that we picked up, usually in our younger formative years, that helped us get through a rough time, but still continue to influence our behaviour. this is the next thing i will look into for myself.

[ask-the-random-elements]

Master post!!!!!

Welcome to the wasteland traveler!! You're unsure how you even ended up here, but you're in luck or.... lack of luck? Because you've stumbled upon a group of living elements!! Not just ANYY elements, THESE BAD BOYS ARE RADIOACTIVE TOO!!!

RULES FOR ASKS

1.Keep things sfw here, I'm a minor and I want this blog to be available to anyone (old enough to be on this site!!!) 2. READ THE LORE AND CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS!!! I really don't want to answer the same question a million times-

3. You CAN flirt with the adult characters as long as it sfw (Rule one)

LORE

The story takes place in a wasteland separated from the rest of society, guarded day in and day out. The elements are kept here because they're considered a danger to society and the safety of humanity. for generations the other elements have lived ignorant, unaware that their peers are living in isolation. You, (The readers) have heard rumors of this places existence and decided to secretly explore this forbidden land...

(Element persons life spans are usually around 50-60 years. At the end of their lives a new element person emerges repeating the cycle)

CHARACTERS

Bissie (Bismuth) She/her

Being the lightest and least radioactive element of the group, Bissie was always viewed as the weakest link, that is un till Tori emerged. For the longest time she believed that she doesn't belong amongst the radioactive elements given how weak hers is, but learned how to live with it eventually. Bissie is flamboyant, over the top and extra emotional. She's seemingly a bit more compassionate towards outsiders than the others, more willing to interact.

Polo (Polonium) he/him

We're jumping straight from least deadly to most deadly, meet every ones favorite insane green man!!!! Polo is silent, unsettling and deadly. He almost never talks, or even interacts with people, resorting to just death glaring at them. Voted most likely to try and strangle a polar bear!!! Polo cares, or at least the others hope he cares, he shows it in his own weird Polo way that no one really understands....

Tina (Astatine) She/her

Tina has no filter, she says what she thinks and if you don't like that? TOO DANM BAD!!! It's not like she'll ever care. She's physically weak, due to Astatines short half-life, and has horrible vision. Unfortunately unable to get glasses for obvious reasons. Tina relies on her wit to get out of dangerous situations unlike someone like Polo who can just scare his opponents away. Speaking of Polo, He and Tina have this ongoing beef with each other that started wayyyyyyyyyyy back when they were kids, and won't end any time soon if they both don't grow tf up.

Rade (Radon) He/him

Rade is the only gas element around here, due to this he has the ability to fly. He's the only level headed person here and the one others go to for comfort. He can be distant, struggling to bond with the others as much as he wished he could. He emerged without arms, given his disability he had to adapt using different methods, like mimicking arms using Radon gas, however this can kill him if he overdoes it. Despite being the most light weight of the bunch Rade is a force to be reckoned with, given the amount of radon gas in the wasteland giving him the ability to kind of control the air around him.

Francene (Francium) She/they

Francene is the least confrontational and least hostile of everyone, they're really quiet and soft spoken. She's constantly in pain, given Franciums 22 minute half-life, they always look like they're falling apart or melting. They almost never leave the base since her condition leaves her helpless in most cases. so she stays behind and looks after the base and Tori, though that also leaves them in a lot of pain. So far they haven't found anything that helps with their condition.

Rai (Radium) They/them

Rai is the happies person you'll meet here, seems to ignore everything negative happening in favor of pretending it's all normal. Needless to say they're very delusional. Despite that there's still some semblance of awareness just very well hidden. They do the wildest shit for no real reason other than they can. They kind of look weak but are amongst the stronger characters, an important asset to the team.

Aki (Actinium) She/her

Aki is.... a character.... She's sort of like Rai, but worse. No awareness whatsoever. She's wild, weird, loud, obnoxious and is always the one to cause trouble the others have to deal with. She regularly gives Francene and Ura heart attacks, probably her favorite activity. The worst part being she's completely unaware of these aspects of herself. Or at least pretends to be unaware. Given she has 4 arms her mobility is increased compared to the others making her an exceptional fighter.

Tori (Thorium) She/her

Toris very existence is an anomaly, she should have emerged at least 9-10 years ago. She's every ones baby, if anything bad happens to her you have 9 very angry radioactive people coming to take down whoever dared harm the child. She's not allowed far away from the base, not even with company for reasons (Ura being paranoid). She's very curious about the world she's forced to grow up in and constantly asks questions about it, some of which can't really be answered.

Tek (Protactinium) He/him

The chill older brother, basically the equivalent of a stoner. He stopped caring about a lot of things at a young age, he thinks it's pointless to stress about things you can't change or influence in any way, so he doesn't. Self proclaimed "Realist". He mostly just sits around and only helps out if he gets yelled at enough. Every once in a while the others go "Why tf are we even letting this dude stay here" And he goes "Bc you guys love me like a brother." and everyone goes yeah and drops the question for a few weeks.

Ura (Uranium) She/her

Ura's the designated mom character that's chronically exhausted and paranoid!!!! She's the oldest and strongest out of the bunch and feels the need to protect the others. Each of her arrows has the potential to be a mini nuke (Just has a similar shape of explosion to a nuke not nearly as destructive and deadly). She was forced to raise the others since she was 14, with no help, so she still views them as kids to an extent. She has her own set of problems she has to deal with but can't because therapy isn't a thing in the wasteland unfortunately!!!!! She's Toris primary caretaker and has raised her since Tori was an infant.

Go wild with the asks!!

reblogs appreciated!!!

[thecluelessdoctor]

guys I'm back from camp (again)

I'm sun burned so it's hard to draw.

However boy do I have a ramble for y'all

I'm bored so uh

I'ma talk about the pros and cons of various communities I'm in/watching from a afar.

This list will go from communities I'm just looking at/skimming to I've been in the fucking trenches so. Yeah. Also if your in any of these communities don't be offende, I'm just. Bored lol

The l I s t

MHA

Hazbin hotel

Stardew valley

Helluva boss

FNaF

And finally Undertale

Note this is JUST about the communities, and not the actual media itself 👍

Ok so. First up

MHA.

We all know this strange community lmao. It's def soemthing. Personally, I'm not the fondest of the anime, it annoys me but that's my opinion. But let's get into the pros

Pros of this community:

The mha fandom is very much still active and lively. It's still exploding with AUs, fan works, shipping, and all sorts of other things. From what I know, it's not too hard to get into, esp if your getting in through the anime and not the manga. These guys are so willing to info dump too so- lmao.

...and now to the cons. Oh brother.

Well. I'm sure you know this fandom for how... strange it is. Especially shipping wise. Shipping wars are a CONSTANT, at least from what I've seen. Also people can get toxic very quickly here. Which yes one can argue the same can happen in other communities (and it does) but it tends to be more... Intense here.

I give this fandom a 5.5 outta 10. It just depends how deep you go, and where you go.

Next, hazbin hotel.

Does this fandom need a introduction on my blog? I've probably talked about this fandom so much dear god. Personally I find it's spinoff show way more enjoyable but yk. It's fun to poke fun at.

Anyway, pros.

Pros. Uhm. There are no pros/j. Again, this community is very lively, especially due to its now completely out season one. Full of fanart and shit posting, this fandom can be genuinely hilarious at times, or make real emotional content out of what's already been made. I say this community is fun.

Now. The cons.

Oh brother. Shipping wars are a given, but they aren't the worst thing in this fandom. Despite the show being for adults, the fandom is mostly minors, meaning toxicity is really high because let's be honest, minor infested fandoms, esp minor infested fandoms with the media being for adults, it's very toxic. Fan content very easily can become glorifying of a lot of the bad things in the show, and the fandoms creator isn't exactly the best at keeping shit in check, often times encouraging toxicity

I give this fandom a 4/10. Just be careful.

next is stardew valley !

Now I'm a new comer to this fandom, and only started playing the game maybe a month ago but honestly I absolutely adore the game and the fandom, so I may be a Little bias

Pros

The stardew valley fandom isn't this hugest fandom ever, but even so it's absolutely lovely. The community is always willing to help each other out from what I have seen, and are always interacting, and talking to each other. There is a genuine love for this game and it's characters and their sweet storylines!

Cons..

The cons..

Alright. I don't have a lot of cons for you! (Finnley being positive??? No fucking way) However I have some (never mind). The community is a little intense with its love, and tends to get volatile towards those who criticize the game. It has chilled out from what I've seen but even still, ya never know

I give this fandom a 7.5/10. Honestly a generally fun and easy fandom to get into.

helluva boss.

WOOOOO.

This show doesn't need a introduction on my blog like- the number of times I've talked about this show is concerning. Positively and negatively.

But anyway! To the pros of the fandom.

Similar to the show it's a spinoff of, hazbin hotel, it's community is very lively and funny when it wants to be. But I say this community is just a bit better than hazbin, just a bit more mature. Sure it's still crawling with children, but it is more mature due to the in general, more emotionally deep show, with more developed, and in my opinion, better characters.

The cons.

Again. Shipping wars are a given. Its. Defo something. The fandom is crawling with minors, and tends to have losers like me that like to trash on it despite still watching it lmao. And again, it's creator(s) aren't the best so.

i give this fandom a 5/10. Just a bit better than hazbin

fnaf. OH GOD.

This fandom recently had a resurrection due to help wanted 2, the movie, and SB ruin coming out last year, all being REALLY good content, and being a new breath of fresh air for the franchise that wasn't covered in kids paint.

But moving on lmao. To the pros of the fandom!!

Well.. it's alive! Lmao. The FNaF fandom is a can of worms that despite being in the trenches of, I still have no fucking clue what is happening. I'm just looking at it and squinting in confusion

Cons

Again. Confusion?? It was dead for a while so. Yeah. Old stuff and old toxicity in the fandom isn't as prominent so. Yeah. Uh.

Ig the fandom ppls trying to rob movie theaters is pretty toxic lmAo

I rate this fandom a ?????/10 guys I don't know lmaooo

and finally, the favorite child of my fandoms

Undertale

Guys I fucking LOVE this fandom, it's community, literally everything. I've been stuck here for years I'm not ok.

But onto the pros.

Pros; the community from what I seen is very open! They love new comers, and just love to do things and talk about this game and it's aus. Is definitely chilled out toxicity wise, and is pretty chill anymore.

Cons; welp. Toxic shippings always a issue. God. As well as AUs that are... ew. Along with creators that are ALSO very ew. However it can be pretty easily avoided even in the au part of the fandom.

Fandom rating: 7/10. Pretty good, just watch your step

I'm sure I could of gotten more in depth but I got lazy lmao. I'ma go watch bushwack now. I'm Finnley, and I need therapy

[kustas]

Please feel free to ignore this if you don’t want to go into it hahaha, but as an FMA agnostic I saw that comment and had to ask: what’s your take on the series?? Have a great day!

I read it twice, once when I was in middle school, and then rather recently! My take is that while I understand why it is popular it's an overrated series that suffers from serious issues.

As a kid? I loved it. I've always been into science and fantasy worldbuilding and old timey stories with fights, so it was my shit. I had just discovered manga and was obsessed and even tried to copy the art style. I was especially fond of the parts about the ishbalan civilization as well as the chimeras, probably early signs of my still ongoing interests in ancient west asian archeology and uncanny valley furries. It's a story that importantly, while having a target audience of teenagers and catering to that, doesn't take its audience for idiots and offers, compared to other stories, more emotional punch due to that, with topics of life and death, and a story with a lot of traumatized characters.

Rewatching it as an adult, I'm just...not into magic anime battles anymore. I also am not keen on the art style nowadays, I get the charm but the chibi stuff is unbearable to me and a lot of characters are too samey for my liking, especially women. My one good surprise was learning about the gender neutrality of Envy as a character, a design I always liked as a child - but when I originally read the series I had known nothing of it because the character had been translated to male.

The huge elephant in the room however, is how it deals with its sensitive topics. A lot of what I will say are criticism you could forward to many popular series, yes, I know, but FMA is constantly hailed in "progressive" fandom spheres for diversity which upon reread shocked me. Politically, FMA talks about topics with serious IRL ties and does not have a stance I like on them. Most of the plot revolves around a cast of military who went to war before the story and exterminated a people there, who are fantasy-styled west asian and make up the majority of brown characters you see in the series. While the manga isn't afraid to say genocide bad or show the consequences it also makes you sympathize for the soldiers who carried it out because...they feel bad? Which is just not something I can agree with. In the modern times of the series it leads to uncomfortable discussions of fantasyworld racism that aren't my place to talk about. When the plot ends, it's a good ending for those soldiers, the only change is that you learn some anime evil was behind it all, and the "bad evil man for killing the actors in genocide of his people" gets redeemed quick but not in a way I agree with either. There's also the theme of disability which the series does touch on in a way that I cannot say much negative about, but on the other hand (no pun intended) do not feel is worth hailing as much as I have seen by fans. Last thing I see people hail it for is female characters and while yes, the series is not plagued by the usual misogynistic (if not pedophile) type of fan service anime usually has, that bar is underground... The main characters remain all male with the exception of one girl who's not really there and ends up a love interest. There's some cool female side characters but they remain just that. It's scraps & I am happy to find better elsewhere.

TLDR: Tumblr regularly rightfully tears a new one to avatar the last Airbender for how it handled colonialism, genocide and portraying fantasy cultures heavily based on real world ones, so why has FMA constantly slipped through that net, with a fanbase who is incapable of handling criticism?

TLDR 2: Honenheim's character and backstory remain to this day my favorite thing about FMA can we take this guy to a better manga

[the-pied-piperscollection]

I am not on anyone sides considering the events.

This is probably a tad specific about how everyone is handling this drama.

Everyone pinning shit against each other is absolutely wild. Not only does this case almost harm people just due to evidence about Alex nor Victims.

This level of negative I can't say is the best way of handling it.

Think of a survivor's attitude that handle this situation without doxxing people just because they're a blood-related and haven't communicated with accused individual, a different individual who discussed this as a thought due to questionable actions occurred by others, etc. Survivors handle this situation more maturely than being a crazy individuals who put this out.

This isn't being safe for everyone anymore? Nearly driving some individual to suicide isn't great at all. From my neutral perspective; did everyone forget that everyone is human beings, so why the sudden aggression started to flame the case further by harming others just purely disagree?

Twitter is literally a shit dumpster to sort out of alleged differences with poor actions, evidence, etc. Pointing fingers and violence is an answer? I'm not saying Mitcha and Donut handle that "well." And suspicious behavior of either side. I am saying this started bad to worsen the toxicity of alleged alex and yourself.

Even if Alex said certain things to victims accurately true, shouldn't you hold him accountable without negative intentions and have more to show? or if victims framing each other is true as well, why do you go so far to ruining everyone?... this isn't going to stay civil and normal? I'm not saying forgive and forget or few people have a different argument to death threats, potentially h*mocide (people will go to far so i really hope any of you dont actually attempt), push someone to suic*de of your doc about him being skeptical.

However. This does not mean getting people harmed and caught in a crossfire is okay at all.

Whatever time this case ends, stay safe, everyone. I hope you find a different interest that you can enjoy. My condolences for everyone 🙏

Edit:

I want to state Alex's "threat," with suicide still troubling. Doesn't matter if it's attention grabbing or not. Despite my being skeptical of all sides; suicide thoughts, emotions, actions such as self harm is dangerous on him/her and everyone else.

It's a concerning spiral! I've been down that road, and I tell you for certain it's horrifying. Similar to a blackhole stretching out your sanity along staying civil can break, definitely mold hate of yourself and try to make it through the numbness. Different in any case of survivors who saved themselves. Eventually, holding Alex to get canceled and not receive help isn't great. Yes, hold yourself accountable, and hold him/her accountable from certain actions on either side.

Sadly, this is no longer of a civil case. Almost pity.

Still. If you feel endangered, please call suicide hotline and get yourself help.

I don't normally say this as an adult stranger online, but if anyone needs to talk to a listener... I'm here for you to some extent. I know it's not enough, but my doors are open.

[marathehomosexual]

what is your opinion of Hanamonogatari?

I am currently watching it actually, its been a long while so i might be remembering somethings wrong, but i really like it. Suruga is one of my favorites characters from Monogatari and i always wanted to know more about her.

I think hanamonogatari serves as a Microcosm of the whole series. It deals with youth, the consequences of curses, the hate and fear of the self, how we see and deal with family and how eventually we must pack it all up and walk towards adult life, it will always be with us, no matter how much we cherish or hate, we wouldn't be the person we are today without it.

I personally like the antagonist of this season, Rouka as Kanbaru herself points takes an stance similar to Araragi, but i'd say Meme is closer to rouka than Araragi, she offer to hear people troubles but never saves them, she lets them to themselves until they help themselves, of course Meme at least had the decency of helping them save themselves, but Rouka is a distorted logical conclusion to this philosophy, that kanbaru rightfully shows discontent with. If all you do is promise a solution and then do nothing but wait it out you're nothing more than a con-man, but at the same time she might work as a ray of hope giving people the strength to move on due to the promise of a solution.

Does this justify what she does? I don't think it needs to justify anything, because at the end she is doing nothing, it would one of thing to judge an action, but to judge inaction is much more difficult and in a way pointless, is like trying to say if Zero is a negative or a positive, in the end it is neither, its only Zero

Now lets talk about the arm, the arm of the monkey, the hand of the Rainy Devil, the connection between Kanbaru Suruga and Gaen Tooe. I think its important to make a distinction between Gaen Tooe and Kanbaru Tooe, as Tooe said "If you can't become a cure, become poison, otherwise you'll only be plain water". These words from her youth are to me what represents the Rainy Devil the best, Suruga wasn't the fastest girl, so she wished to be the one for the hand, and so she attacked the girl faster than her, she couldn't become cure so she became poison.

And that is the difference that lies between Gaen Tooe and Kanbaru Tooe, Kanbaru Tooe rejected her own philosophy, she rejected the Rainy Devil, she accepted being plain water, she accepted being a simple human, because thats what she is, what she always was, specialist, no matter how powerful or inhumane are just humans at the end of the day, they can't do everything, and they can't know everything, as much as they wish they could. And even if water is plain, even if can be found everywhere and we might not even notice it, water is still the most important substance of them all, for it is the origin of all life.

Rouka wants to become poison, she seeks the rainy devil thinking she can become something above what she is now, that she can abandon the past and walk towards a life as a demon, but there is no devil, there are only devilish humans, as Suruga said. And thats a thing that we can all pick up, we're all human, that is the main message for this arc. Tooe wasn't a god-like specialist, she was just a human who loved her family. Kaiki isn't a monster who only loves money, he is just a human who doesn't like to show his emotions. Kanbaru isn't a monster for desiring bad things for Araragi and the girl from her middle school, she is just a human experiencing Envy.

Even with all the devil parts Rouka would still be human, because the Rainy Devil is a human, the Rainy Devil is Gaen Tooe, the same way Oshino Ougi is Araragi Koyomi, despite our dark past, our secrets, the emotions we keep hidden, the desire that nothing may change, things will still change, our seniors are going to graduate, we will learn new things about our family and friends, we may never come back but thats okay, its okay to cry, its okay to have weird feelings to your mother, its okay to miss your friends, its okay to be a lesbian, everything is fine, because we're human, things are only this way because we are humans, not Devils, not Gods, not Monsters, we are humans

Thats the message of the whole series but thats why i like Hanamonogatari, it is a microcosm of the whole series in 5 beautiful episodes that i'm loving rewatch, and hope to rewatch again and again until i can say every phrase from the back of my mind

[chaosjester666]

Hah seems like I can actually call the cops on my mother and Karen of a grandmother for what they did to me as a child, no matter what they say

Cause let's be honest, when your ELEMENTRY SCHOOLER child comes up to you to play because the father is in a diffrent state and only gets seen on holidays/school breaks and your reaction is a "later" and when your kid comes back 20min later and asks again and you tell them "later" again and then they come back in an hour to ask only to be told "if you ask one more time I won't play with you at all" and so you have scared the child away from asking only to never play mother or just telling the child a "no" or "I'm busy" when playing FUCKING SOLITAR grandmother and this happens so many times that the child stops asking and even to this day even when board games are bought the child will not ask for fear of being told no

As well as the child only being allowed the TV when their shows are playing which is only in the morning and then promptly being left to entertain themselves despite the fact that multiple teachers has mistaken the child for having adhd/autism and the child being quite bullied and the only friend they will have for the next 3-4 years being toxic but the child can not tell because for once some one actually wants to play with them

And then you give the child a phone so that when they are with the Father (who actually plays and makes an attempt at hanging out) and suddenly the child has access to entertainment at all times and suddenly the phone is the child's only form of entertainment and is the child's only safe space due to the constant reinforcement that they are not allowed to lock themselves away into their room to calm down or for a matter of fact be allowed to be upset with the adults so ofcourse the child gets attached and develops Nomophobia(the fear of being away from one's phone) and becomes overly attached to the internet

And due to the child being constantly ostersized and isolated at school despite informing the parents only for the parents to leave them at the school the child becomes overly attached to people who will actually hang out with the child causing the child to not notice the fact that those "friends" are toxic and manipulative which then causes the child when it goes into middle school to become a slight people pleaser towards friends which only isolates the child further until the child gives up making friends and finally sees that all prior "friends" were toxic and is finally able to see what true friendship is

Not to mention the fact that the child becomes so used to bottling up negative emotions that it worsens the child's anger issues (which only got so bad due to the fact that the parents refused to get the child therapy or actual outlits and would instead cause the child to lash out only to punish the child for having those feelings) and it eventually gets to the point that the child is nolonger able to properly express emotions

Not to mention the child's other traumas of therapists(due to the mother's therapist trying to force the child when it was still in kindergarten-3rd grade to explain why they would cause the mother emotional turmoil despite not hearing the child's side), expressing negative emotions, fear of that if they tell the truth they won't be believed or they will be punished(turning the child into a compulsive liar due to said fear)

And the parents wonder why the child is cold, sarcastic, rude, closed off, 'disrespectful'(how can one be disrespectful when they were never shown what respect truly looks like), untrusting, self isolated from family, emotionally manipulative(subconsciously), a compulsive liar, has severe anger issues, mildly depressed, paranoid, does not go to the parents for help, hides illness until it is so bad the child can not function(only to be called a liar and only wanting to get out of school or for attention), out of touch with feelings, and generally unable to reach out to family about issues. It's all because of the emotional neglect and border line emotion manipulation.

I did not mean to go on a rant about my shitty child hood but then again my parents just got mad at me for wanting to buy a game with my own money and then drawing me into a fight about how I act all while I have a migraine, my head is fuzzy, my face is going numb, I feel like I'm going to hurl, my legs are trying to give out, and I'm overheating so yeaaaaaaaaaaa

[beigepillow]

mechanical translation

I think they just have different expressions of love. No one can ever love the same way. But from everything I saw, Doumeki was able to let Yashiro go. Watch from afar, know that he is alive…. But let go. Doumeki accepted Yashiro's choice.

Yashiro was able to let go only through pain and completely erasing Doumeki from his life. His words about how his biggest fear is what losing Doumeki will do to him is always in my head. He is terrified that he might lose Doumeki. And he lost him. In front of Yashiro, Doumeki was shot by Hirata. His worst nightmare had come true. And all because of him, because of Yashiro. It totally broke him. And he did what could protect him from unbearable pain. He "let Doumeki go". But the problem is that in their relationship, it is Yashiro who is more jealous and more possessive. He couldn't see Doumeki with anyone. It would destroy him. And he did what saved him all these years. He put on a mask. He did not allow himself to remember, to think about the man he loves and lost

It's hard for me to compare his attitude towards Kagayama and Doumeki. With Kagayama it was the first teenage love. Yashiro was not yet a yakuza. Back then, as a teenager, Yashiro may have been ready to change, but Kagayama's rejection only pushed him towards self-destruction. (Also though he was hurt, he can be near Kagayama. He can see him build a relationship and be with other people. But he can not do this with Doumeki. Because with him his emotions are too strong. He can’t control himself) then yashiro joined the Yakuza and stained himself even more. Yashiro as a teenager and Yashiro as an adult are two different people. Adult Yashiro is more cold-blooded and cynical. The adult Yashiro honed his acting talent. If as a teenager Yashiro only tried on the mask, then as an adult the mask has become fused with his face. This mask now needs to be torn out with the meat. And it will hurt a lot. But I'm sure he will do it. And he will do it not for Doumeki, but for himself. In order to free himself and give himself a chance to build a relationship based on mutual love.

I also wanted to thank you so much for your posts!❤️ I really like to read your thoughts and theories. My opinion is usually 90% the same as yours) and I'm a Doumeki-girl)😂 So I'm very glad that there are people who look at Saezuru from his point of view and try to understand his thoughts and feelings

Yes, I agree with your thoughts but my mind just can’t help but compare the two. If I was comparing how Yashiro and Doumeki act, I think it would be easier for me to rationalize that they love differently. However, Kage provides a picture of how Yashiro can love and it seems very similar to Doumeki’s love for Yashiro. I know some may say it is two different loves for two different people but I think it is in human nature to compare. We often look at how our loved ones treat us and compare it to how they treat others. Some may consider it not good but I think there is a reason we see Yashiro show such devotion and dedication to Kage. I see why people say Yashiro is depressed due to the loss of Doumeki but I also think it can be due to the fact Inami has been hurting and abusing Yashiro for 4 years now. It is hard to see how the loss of Doumeki actually affects Yashiro because there are other factors. I almost wish Yashiro was able to get aroused so we can see him make a true decision to actively pick Doumeki. But these are just my thoughts at this moment and can change as they often do. Please don’t let my negativity affect your view of the story. I do feel bad because I think I’m being too harsh on someone who has never experienced reciprocated love but I also think it is a good discussion to have. Some may disagree but I don’t think Yoneda Kou intends to keep Yashiro as he is now with no development. I will say I have felt a little ashamed since there are people who will get upset if you doubt any part of Yashiro’s character. And thank you for your support! I am seeing there are a few people who like Doumeki and want to see his side of things lol

[myfandomrambles]

Excellent analysis of Lorelai's abusive life on Gilmore girls. I'm in a few groups and am shocked that few people get that this is the premise of the show. One that I'd add is in the pilot, Richard said that Rory's smarts must be from her father while Lorelai is sitting right there. He also asks how things are at THE MOTEL. She puts up with so many stabs, I'm surprised that she has any relationship with her parents at all. Barbara Taber

Hello!!!!!

I know people don't seem to care that Lorelai was abused for her entire childhood. She has to relive that trauma every Friday and have people try to get her to get along with her parents. Then a few times a year she experiences all new abuse and trauma from her parents. Because yes an adult parent can abuse an adult child (I would know trust me).

I mean people always talk about how Lorelai can be an asshole to her friends (she can) and parentified Rory (She did) but never considers that it's not just that she learned some bad behaviour from her parents it's fucking trauma responses. And she did have some negative effects on Rory due to her not having great boundaries, but she is not as bad as her parents by a long shot.

Not to mention that Rory's grandparents traumatize her too.

Let's just say people don't care about emotional abuse when it comes from characters they like. Or sometimes at all. And even more people don't care about trauma victims that don't either look like uwu sad boys.

Anyway thanks for the message.

[officeobject]

So, I chose a random window to focus on so I wouldn't look around a lot at people (I basically hosted a dating show in my head except it was a befriending show), didn't really think about it for many some months or days or barely did, somehow got interested again, and uhm, not sure how it happened, but months later, this person and I, watch each other, and they've shown signs of liking me back, and I personally love them, and also, they act similar to me, seem to have "the same species of brain", move like me (plus mirror me), and I had a character years before I saw them, who they act and move exactly like (and yes that means the character is similar to me). They've even shown signs of preferring me over their co-workers, even though they can smile at their co-workers, but always looks at me like THIS: 😐.

Also I once put a pride flag at my window and they still kept treating me the same and didn't look at me weirdly.

We haven't met, but I hope we do, and even though we don't have much time together, I enjoy being an overly intense friendship creep with them, but anyways, that was the context, and I wanna get interpreted the motifs that often occur in relation to our seemingly-destined friendship:

- Offices and office stuff and work/working (they're an office worker, I've always liked office stuff and how it looks even though I don't know crap so this one's obvious),

- The number 2 (I mean, I do often think about us so yeah), the number 3 (maybe), the number 1,

- Crows (always just 1 crow at a time but I keep about multiple or about us, or mis-remembering it as multiple crows or even misreading "crow" as "office")

- Birds (sometimes 1, sometimes multiple)

- The sky

- Windows (that's how we can see each other, duh)

- Dogs (typically brown - that one's because my fursona is a dog and stuff, and I have a dog doll who my subconscious registers as me for some reason, and stuff)

- Nepo babies (I just call myself their nepo baby for fun, so that's why)

- Songs and dancing (I just often listen to music and I do dance)

- Clothes (I enjoy wearing clothes though, and they seem to do too - we're both oddly specific about what we wear and I love their style and judge their outfits, meanwhile, they only see mine if we "match" or if I'm weather-inappropriate, or not even then)

- Our dynamic, with them as the adult and me as some kid or something (well that's because that's LITERALLY our dynamic - I'm the more openly emotional and childish one who can't keep myself too put together and whatnot, and they're the office worker who ISN'T as often a nervous wreck - their window is also higher than mine, which basically further reinforces that dynamic, and 30 year olds see me as a kid due to how young I am in comparison, but none of this has any negative effect on our friendship ... well, besides what people might say if we met and exchanged phone numbers) ...

- The color blue (they wear that a lot and it's the favorite color of the character they're like, and presumably also themself)

- The color white

- White feathers (one at a time only - at least seen once)

- The cherry tree outside that keeps being in my view when I see them

- Rain/water in general

And then that's all, I guess. Please send interpretations. This is more than I normally would ever write about them on Tumblr, but this is important enough. And yes, I'm sure everything is platonic.

Anyways, also, not sure how much I've impacted THEM, but they've significantly impacted me - like, making it easier to choose clothes in the morning, making me accept myself more, giving me motivation to do stuff and even to exist, and they didn't even DO anything, and even when that's not happening, they make me feel like EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD, will be okay, if we just met and became friends forever and stuff.

There's also this one maybe-common smell, that I associate with them - like, this perfume or whatever, and I even have phantom smells/smell hallucinations of it (not OFTEN), but someone some months ago, began using that perfume or whatever, every day, so that kinda fecking bothers me -

Anyways, hopefully this is enough context and stuff. Also, is it obvious that I'm weirdly intense and weird, with friendship?

[littlealeta]

Adventures of Tom Thumb and Thumbelina Review

Oh boy, where do I start?

So, this random movie from my childhood that nobody talks about just popped in my head one day and to be fair, I always thought this film was a mixed bag. I was a little too old for it at the time and I knew it had some charm to it and it was entertaining in some spots, but a lot of parts were just frustrating and easy to make fun of. But I never understood why it rubbed me the wrong way besides the animation. So, let's take a deep dive into this obscure movie, shall we? But, before I talk about the negatives, I do want to say one wholly positive thing about the film. The voice acting is the real highlight. That's it, I guess.

Story

I'm tired of running....

All I can say is... it left a lot to be desired. Lazy, rushed, and undercooked. It has potential, don't get me wrong. It's a refreshing take to have Thumbelina being abused and taken advantage of for her size, but they don't do anything with that concept after the beginning. I also don't understand why they had her be born in a little people village instead of just having her be born in the flower like in the story and then kidnapped. It just feels pointless. Hell, a lot of scenes in this movie is pointless.

Look, I'm not a scientist or expert on physics or whatever but I don't think that boat should be going backwards after it spent all that time going forwards.

I would've liked to see Thumbelina run into similar obstacles she has had her whole life throughout the story of being taken advantage of, studied, experimented on, and abused. Instead we just get human trafficking, like you might as well just go all ham if you're gonna have shit like that in there. It would've at least made the emotional core more powerful.

The action scenes are anticlimatic and full of deus ex machinas and surpise motherfuckers and conveniently shaped lamps. It's like the story doesn't know what it wants to be. One moment it's dark and disturbing as shit and then the next, it's more diabetic than many Disney films.

And Tom Thumb's story is just... I got nothing. I will explain more in the character section, but there's literally nothing interesting about his story because he's more of the deuteragonist to Thumbelina's protagonist, which is not an excuse but whatever.

As a couple, these two have little chemistry. They are the generic enemies to lovers trope and are only drawn together due to their similar lives, except Tom Thumb mostly grew up happy. The reason for their conflict in the first place made no fucking sense. The movie just wanted an excuse to have conflict and that's it. And then all of a sudden, they are now everything to each other, despite fighting 5 minutes ago. There's so many inconsistencies to this movie, it's insane, and I will explain more in the character section. If you really wanted to have conflict between them, maybe develop their (at least Tom Thumb's) personalities more? Maybe his optimism, cheerfulness and naivete clashes with Thumbelina's cynicism, pessimism, and depression. And through their journey, they learn and grow together and learn to help each other overcome their weaknesses. Because the film really doesn't have much character development and whatever little development they do have is pretty rushed.

And wtf was wrong with the script in this film? It looks like it didn't even get past the first or second drafts. There's wording in there like "you irrigate me" that sound like typos, it has all the things a script shouldn't have while also having the skeletons of a good movie. They even broke the show don't tell rule near the end where Thumbelina starts monologuing about how hellish her life was and that she gets to make her own decisions and then points out the whole mother like daughter bs like stfu. WE ALREADY KNOW THIS MOVIE! And WHO TF IS GOING TO CARE THAT A YOUNG ADULT WANTS TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS? And then the movie starts convoluting itself by revealing that Tom Thumb was arranged to marry Thumbelina all along (I thought this was a simple kids film?). Of all the writing mistakes this movie has, I thought it would have the decency to avoid those shits.

Most of the jokes are more contrived than funny, even one involves a poop joke.

Characters

None of them are anything special, to be honest. But I will start with Thumbelina.

She has all the makings of a great character. She’s strong and compelling, but she’s also a very flawed character with a lot of vulnerability. If you know me, you would know that these kind of characters are right up my alley. Spike Spiegel, Rick Sanchez, Shadow the Hedgehog, the There is No Game guy, those are all characters that have trust issues and hate people at first but their hatred belies a sense of loneliness and sadness which they all overcome once you break down their barriers. So, what went wrong here? Well, it’s the fact that Thumbelina doesn’t really have any significant growth regarding that. She doesn’t even seem to go through any trials that tests those weaknesses in order for her to grow. She meets Tom Thumb literally 30 minutes into the film, they fight a bit but a minute later, they fall in love. I also don’t think that they handled the depth of her character well.

Then why are you smiling?

She’s actually kind of a bitch, she bitches about losing some grass game despite her being too small and weak to win whatever the fuck it was, she yells at a frog, she yells at the lady bugs who ask her who she is and Tom Thumb, who she just met and has done nothing to her and she runs away from him, and then suddenly attacks and insults his height. So, does Thumbelina want to find another tiny person like her or not? Now, I do think these kind of interactions could be written well, but something is missing here. It feels out of left field. I could probably buy this a bit more if Thumbelina was abused by everyone all her life, but she had friends, so why was she so hostile to these characters for no reason?

Then stop looking at him funny!

She's also a victim of the constant pointlessness and inconsistences of the film so one minute, she Princess Peaches the mole and then the next, she's calling Tom Thumb a thing despite him being the EXACT same species SHE is and ALSO yells at the ladybugs about it earlier in the film.

All in all, she’s alright, she’s definitely the most developed and best character here, but I think they could’ve done better to make her more likeable and consistent.

Tom Thumb

Two-dimensional. The fact that he has no backstory to explain his personality unlike Thumbelina tells you right then and there how shallow he is. The movie mentions that he somehow escapes the circus, but we don't know how. If that's the case, then why did Thumbelina stay there all this time? Again, you could've had the exact same problem even with her escaping because all her life, she has encountered many different people bullying her and taking advantage of her, which would make the story and her character much more powerful. Considering how headstrong she is, I thought she would've taken that route a long time ago anyway and not just because someone told her where her village is. Also, if you're not going to develop his time in trafficking, then why not just go with the original story and just have him be adopted. He also feels out of place in his world, but in contrast to Thumbelina who was gaslit all her life, his caring role models can tell him that there are others like him somewhere in the 7.8 billion people in the world. He also has a bit of an emotional scene with his adoptive father where he has to leave him, but this is never elaborated on at all. Nor do we see Tom Thumb struggle with this. It's just another excuse for the movie to get the plot going.

Mole King

Disturbing af. Blud gets told about some pretty girl in the forest and then hits on her, point, blank, and a period. No conflict about her age, looks, personality, nothing. Take into account that Thumbelina is probably like no older than 19, it's so uncomfortable to watch this old ass incel obsessing over someone who's barely of legal age at best, complete with all tickling, touching, rubbing, and feet fetishes, too. And even going full on Bowser when she is taken away from him. And for no reason either.

In the third act of the film, he does explain that it's because they're both rejects, but how is Thumbelina supposed to be a reject in any way? She was just someone who was easily abused and felt out of place, but she was never ostracized by anyone. I take it that the mole is just an incel who wants any pretty young thing considering this one lady mouse also dated him. His song is good, but still, it's all about him hitting on Thumbelina and it makes no sense regardless.

Mole King's Minions (cuz I don't remember their names and don't care)

Mostly unfunny. They get their out of character moment when they refuse to capture Tom Thumb as the Mole King says so, despite him being their fascist. They make one stupid decision involving two split paths and they both decide to go down one path at the same time and I was like "BRO HOW ABOUT YOU TWO FUCKING SPLIT UP!" and they get reasonably cockblocked.

Three Ladybugs (cuz I don't remember their names and don't care)

These little fucking shits are annoying as all get out. Their entire existence is to make fun of and bully Thumbelina for no reason yet somehow treat Tom Thumb like a prince? What? Is this supposed to contrast things or something? It's so weird.

What do you think you are, hypocrites?

Clingy Bird (cuz I don't remember her name and don't care)

Can't fly for some stupid reason. Apparently, she was captured right after she hatched, but she's clearly an adult, so why she still can't fly, I don't understand. Like literally, a 4 year old can come up with a better fucking reason for a bird not flying than this. And then she starts crying because she thinks Thumbelina isn't her friend when, gurl, you only met her for 2 fucking minutes and you're already worrying over whether or not she's your friend?

Roman

The first villain of the film who came and went. Kind of a cartoonish villain who gaslights Thumbelina into thinking she's the only one of her kind. He captures two babies who happen to be the titular characters in a village where there are plenty of other babies around, what makes Tom Thumb and Thumbelina conveniently special? Oh yeah, because movie. Also, why does every Russian/Portuguese animated character have to be a ball of fat? I mean Gru from Despicable Me and whatshisface from Coraline...Mr. Bobinsky was it?

Dexter

Another villain who came and went. Some science kid whose parents are so ignorant he messes with ether. He's another cartoonish villain who wants to kill his captives because... he's evil, I guess.

Ben

Seemingly a nice guy, but then shows off his inner boomerism by making Tom Thumb fly the coop just because he's of age and he's apparently going to die soon. We don't know if he suffers from any illness or what, the story just wanted to take a sudden turn, I guess.

Thumbelina's Parents

Wish they got a little more attention if they were going to bring them back. Shouldn't they have been working hard to try and get their kid back all these years instead of just standing around doing jackshit? Like go gather up a search group or something.

Animation

I think it will appeal to kids. It's colorful, expressive, and fluid, but it also feels sloppy and unfinished. Like one scene had the characters talking without their mouths moving. It also just looks like a 2005 Newgrounds Flash game, I don't really have a problem with this on paper, but it just goes to show how sloppy and aged the animation is.

Music

I think the music sounds nice and catchy. But the music also falls flat because either the story writing is bad (Welcome to My Hole), the lyrics sound bizarre and tune unfitting for the context of the scene (One Two Cha Cha Cha) or it just sounded kinda bland (I'm All Alone).

Overall

As a kids film, I think this film will do a good job at charming little kids. It's dumb fun (not in a good way, tho) and bright and colorful. But I don't think kids over the age of 9 (around the age I was when I watched the film) would give a fuck. You're better off watching the Mario Movie if you want a fun simple animated kids film about a young girl being forced to marry an ugly bastard and it also has a song about it too.

I give The Adventures of Tom Thumb & Thumbelina 5.2 bells out of 10

I was considering giving it 4.9 bells because of how bad everything was, but I just have to give it a little more credit because there's clearly effort put into this. It had the skeletons to be a powerful movie. On paper, the female lead is compelling and relatable, the theme is emotional and heartwarming, the crossover premise was always interesting, the music sounds catchy, the animation is charming, there's a bit of comedy in there... but they all fell flat due to the execution. I really do feel bad for the makers as it seems like the movie had a really hard time. From what I gathered on research, the movie has been in the making since early 1999 at latest and was completed by the end of the year. It had legal issues with Disney. I can tell how small the budget is just by looking at the writing and animation, and I think Disney, who distributed the film, didn't finance the project enough. That, and they were probably crunched for time. It's really painful how underwhelming this film was.