#Estrella was my name in Spanish class | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 22 years ago

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TUESDAY, APRIL 30, 2002 It looks like Scot will be skipping April altogether, as far as seeing me here goes, but we’ll know for sure in a few hours. I kind of doubt I’ll see him before Friday.

I should’ve seen my doll by now, and I’m really sick of this shit! Why can’t I just order a doll and get it? It was in stock, they took the money for it, so where is it? I emailed them and asked them the same question. I should get a response any sec. It’s an hour earlier in California, but it shouldn’t be long.

These rats are still so “Ladylike.” If they haven’t calmed down yet, then they probably never will. They simply came from the wrong mother.

Surprisingly, I slept till 6 AM. Is that a sign? I still say it’s too early for her to be calling today, but time will tell.

Sheriff Joe was on TV yesterday, making a complete fool of himself on a jail/prison documentary. Especially to those who know him for what he truly is. He was bragging about the millions he’s made in “rent,” and all the people he serves, and I was like, “serves?” Try “control,” you bastard!

There’s this women’s prison in California and their Ad-Seg area is quite different than Estrella’s. Theirs is basically the hole where the troublemakers go. Estrella’s is supposed to be for those in fear for their safety, but it’s really for those who don’t want to work for free. Especially if they didn’t get a two-for-one.

I saw Officer Sunday and some other officers when they were showing the chain gang. Most of the focus was on the tents, though.

Once again I’m wondering, would taking the classes for any reason be the right thing to do if Scot says they won’t drop it? I just don’t want to be sending the wrong message and leading them to believe I’ll just jump to their every beck and call, cuz I won’t. It’s just that I think I can get some money out of these classes, but if 6 months from now they want something else, they can forget it. I’m not a robot for the state of Arizona. I still wouldn’t put it past them to push the job issue at some point or demand more money, either.

During my fine-tuning of the 1992-1993 file, I noticed 6 months were missing. The period between 4/22/93-10/22/93. So, I had mixed emotions when Tom said he may have an old backup. The purpose of my encrypting my journals is so no one can read them without my permission, so if he has decrypted copies lying around, that’d defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it? However, in light of the situation, I hope he does have that time period somewhere. If not, I’ll insert a note in the area those entries should be in, covering everything I can remember happening during that time frame.

MONDAY, APRIL 29, 2002 I went online yesterday to see if that Arab doll was sold out. She wasn’t. Then I noticed their new Brazilian doll named Carmencita and was like - wow! Like the Arab doll, she’s $40. She’s also full-body porcelain and wears what looks to be a 2-piece bathing suit with a colorful cape and hideous headdress. I don’t have to use the headdress, though. Anyway, it’s quite different than anything else I’ve got. I guess I won’t be getting Blossom, the fairy that goes with Twinkle. Right now, my top two choices are the Brazilian and the Arab doll, but we won’t be ordering till July.

Then I had an idea. Maybe this class bullshit is a good thing after all. Maybe it’s a money-making opportunity. See, I’d be taking classes with criminals, particularly Hispanics. Hispanics who would be charmed by this white girl’s broad knowledge of Spanish and who would be happy to loan her a few bucks here and there. Criminals are one of the easiest people to con since most of them are so stupid. I could use them the way I did with Nervous, asking them to please spot me a $10 here and a $10 there, promising to pay them back as soon as I can. Meanwhile, it wouldn’t be anything that could get me thrown in jail, and knowing how fucked up most of society is, I know I could do this without feeling guilty.

I can’t give in to this state’s every demand, though. This class bullshit is one thing, but if 6 months from now they decide they want something else, they’re not getting it. Period. I will put my foot down then, so help me God. And if I find that this class bullshit’s not making me some money, I’ll drop it like a hot potato and there’ll be no classes, no Scot, no money payments, no nothing. Meanwhile, I’m hoping I can con enough money to get a doll or two before July.

And so it was one year ago at this very moment that I returned home to a dying Houdini.

And I’m still fat and the freeloaders are still a part of my life.

Meanwhile, Teddy Bear should get my letter today if she’s working, though I don’t expect to hear from her today. I hope not. I’d hate to crash at 6 PM just to have her call an hour later. I slept till midnight, so I’m going to try to stay up till 6:00, then come Tuesday, I should be able to cover the phone during the late afternoon/early evening hours.

What am I gonna do with myself for the next 11½ hours? Guess I’ll do more fine-tuning. I’m amazed at just how many errors there are in these journals. These were supposed to have been spellchecked and proofread, too. I could also read or watch TV, but not until the end of my day. Doing that tires me out. I could work out too, but I don’t really feel like it.

After deciding the benefits weren’t worth all the work, I haven’t been running much lately. A part of me is so tempted to cut my hair off, eat what I want, and to hell with even maintaining my weight, but I know that if I did that, I’d bust out of my new shorts and sundress in less than a month. So, I guess I’ll just cut my hair off, but not yet. I’m still not sure whether or not I want to trim a few inches or cut it to my shoulders. I’ll probably cut it to my shoulders cuz I’m just so sick of it. It’s always tangled, full of static, and it’s just a bitch to deal with. If it were thin and straight, that’d be one thing, but thick curls to one’s ass is a bit much.

In less than 4 hours I have to give my life back to the freeloader.

SUNDAY, APRIL 28, 2002 You could say I’ve been both pissed as well as grateful to Tom over the last couple of days. I’m grateful for his putting a faster board in my MP3 computer, but I’m sick of his moodiness and his misinterpreting me so much of the time. You’d think that after 9 years of knowing each other, he’d know me better by now, but he’s constantly misunderstanding the things I say. And he seems to be less and less patient and more and more frustrated with me when I myself don’t understand him right away.

I’m also getting sick of the controlling lately, too. He seems less tolerant of my ways these days. He’s always complaining about something I’ve said or done. He interrupts me when I see Scot, gives me disapproving looks a lot, and has been making me feel like nothing I do or say is right.

Yesterday’s trip to the grocery store was a disaster. All I got was “Slow down, come here, settle down, don’t run, don’t yell, do this, do that,” and I was like - I’m not a fucking yo-yo!

“Are you trying to lose me?” I asked him in the car on the way back from the store.

“You can leave me anytime you want. I’m sick of your threats,” he said.

“I never threatened to leave you.”

“Isn’t that what this is about?”

“No,” I told him, “I simply made a comment, an observation.”

And so I wonder - does he really not get me? Am I really all that bad? Do I really turn him off that much? Or is he purposely doing little things to try to lose me?

Maybe I was wrong in assuming he had nothing to do with my not desiring him sexually these days. I still believe the main reason is that I simply got sick of the same old, same old. What was once new and exciting is now old news, but maybe part of the reason I’ve been turned off really does have to do with his own apparent lack of interest.

Despite the fact that I’ve told him that I loved Teddy Bear in addition to him and not instead of him, how much of this is related to her? Does he really think I’m not approachable because of my feelings for her, or is it just his own lack of interest he can’t admit to?

I had assumed it was his own lack of interest cuz he never had much of an interest from the get-go. Ever since I’ve known him he’s been the way he is. In the beginning, I was the only one who wanted sex regularly, but through time, his lack of desire dampened mine, then it just got old anyway, as I’m sure it would with anyone. Lots of people feel the way I do after so many years. I know we’re not alone in that department, as far as no longer wanting sex goes. Nonetheless, I can’t snap my fingers and make myself want it with him, and truthfully, I wouldn’t if I could. I wouldn’t want someone who didn’t want me. Meanwhile, this doesn’t mean I’m going to stay celibate forever. If an opportunity to have sex with Teddy Bear arises, I’m gonna just go with the flow of it if it’s meant to be.

I still want Tom to be my number one and for us to always be together, but I certainly haven’t been as happy with him as I’d like to be lately. If he could be a little more patient and tolerant of me and not get agitated over the questions I may ask, even if they seem dumb, then I’d try to put on the public act he wants me to put on. He wants me to “act like everyone else” in public, but you know me; I’ve always been adamant about being myself. But if it would make him happy to see me kiss a little ass, then I guess I could compromise.

Meanwhile, her letter’s been mailed. Whether or not she gets it and calls, who knows? My guess is that she’ll call between the 3rd and 5th if she does call. I should be excited. I mean, I thought I’d be excited come letter time, but I don’t really feel much of anything at all. I know that whatever’s meant to be will be. I just hope it doesn’t turn out that I’m making a mistake. I don’t have any bad vibes, but you never know. She could fuck me over, or Tom could get jealous and try putting guilt trips on me. I know things have changed and evolved since, but look at all the shit he put me through over Kim, and I wasn’t even attracted to her. So there’s no saying how he’ll handle me associating with someone he knows I’m attracted to.

It’s hard to believe the time has finally come. To think that she could be here within a week or two is like - wow! There’s still a small part of me that hopes I don’t hear from her, but more so than not, I hope she does call and I hope we get together. And yes, I hope there’s sex, too. What will it be like, I wonder? Will it be a great experience? Just so-so? Will I be plagued with guilt, or will I enjoy every moment of it? Will I feel like what I’m doing is wrong? Will I feel like an adulteress? Or will I be with her and her only when we’re together, enjoy every minute of it, and not worry about Tom?

And what about her? Will she not want to see me all that often? Will she fall in love with me? Will she wish I’d move in with her or will she be glad to have her space when I’m not there?

Has she been alone all this time? Is she alone right now?

Is she still at Madison? Will she get the letter? If she doesn’t call me, what will her reasons be for not calling? Will it be because she met someone? Will it be because she decided not to get involved with a former inmate? A married woman?

Did she ever drive through this area? Has she seen the house?

If we do get together, how often will we do so? What will our relationship entail and be like? How long will it go on?

Questions, questions, questions! And despite the risks, I want some answers, Officer R. D. Johnson!

I’m still going to make her the offer of moving onto our land, but I still think it’ll be too far from work. Also, the more I think about it, the more I don’t think it’d be a good idea for her to live here, cuz if she did go bad, then we’d have to live with her just like we had to live with the freeloaders. I’d like to think she wouldn’t stoop so low as to forbid me the right to ignore her, but still, it may not be a wise or safe idea to have her so close. Especially someone in law enforcement. We’d also get less money when we went to sell someday, but I’d like to see her move closer, like maybe the center of town.

If we did get it on with each other, no, I wouldn’t tell Tom about it simply because he wouldn’t need to know about it. Whether or not he suspected we were playing around, he wouldn’t need to hear about it. The same would be the case for me if he had a side dish. I’d still love him and want to be with him, but he need not share the details with me. Then again, if he really wanted to, not that he’d be the type, it wouldn’t kill me to hear about it, cuz I know I’d always be his number one just like he’ll always be my number one. Nonetheless, as the law, Tom and life itself have taught me, sometimes it’s best to say/not say what’s best, rather than to come clean and be honest. We’re all liars of convenience. When it’s in our best interest to lie, we do, though I’m not going to lie to Tom. I just won’t say anything at all.

Just like I predicted, no doll this week, though I should’ve been here by Friday. See, I knew the PO would fuck up if the doll was in stock. They probably misdelivered it and had to reroute it back to me like they did when I got the first 4 dolls from them in January. They did take the money for the doll, though, so that has to mean she is on her way. She should be here tomorrow.

It seems I spend my time either trying to get myself to sleep at certain times or pushing myself to stay up as long as possible. Last night I managed to sleep till 11 PM, so I’m going to try to stay up till at least 5 PM, then sleep till 1 AM. If she calls, it’ll probably be between the late afternoon - early evening hours. Once I’m getting up between 3 AM - 4 AM, I can be up during that time. I also won’t have to worry about the cheeks waking me up, should he pop in this week.

SATURDAY, APRIL 27, 2002 I started to write about how bored I’ll be now that I’m not going to be doing this, but caught myself just in time. After all, I learned the hard way that bitching in my journal about boredom is asking for trouble. For some reason, God seems to think that my boredom should be cured with trouble.

I just wish my schedule wasn’t what it is, but again, I’ll leave Teddy Bear to fate. If we’re fated to meet, she’ll be fated to call, and I’ll be fated to get that call.

FRIDAY, APRIL 26, 2002 My schedule is in a horrible position for it being time to send the letter. But I suppose that if it’s meant to be, I’ll be fated to get her phone call if she calls. Worst case scenario - she keeps calling and I keep missing her calls and she leaves no number to call her back, then she gives up.

Tomorrow was the last time I saw her one year ago. My vibes still say I’ll see her. At least, that’s what I think they’re saying. I’ve been on a bad streak lately. I hope that doesn’t mean I’m wrong in saying that the class vibes have improved. Anyway, I’m really gonna have a flood of mixed emotions if I don’t see her. I’ll be both sad and relieved. Sad because I really loved her and wanted to see her and get to know her. Relieved cuz she won’t have to see how fat I still am or ever get the chance to fuck me over.

Anyway, I’ll probably be mailing the letter today when we do the grocery shopping.

They’ve taken the money for the doll but haven’t emailed us about it, so I guess that means she’s in stock and on her way.

I’m gonna be so stressed out right before I see Scot! I just want to know either way and get it over with. The sooner I know if someone’s fucking with me, the sooner I can figure out what to do about it.

After whatever happens with this shit, what will God have me getting all worked up over next? And if the freeloaders are ever out of our lives someday, what will our next long-term problem be? How many years will it go on? Who will it involve? How much money will it cost us? And will it cost me my freedom?

THURSDAY, APRIL 25, 2002 I couldn’t hold my schedule any longer, so I’m doing a rollover. I also did some rat rearranging and kicked Lady out. She was just too spastic for me. I once again put the 5 girls in the new cage, but one of them got out. So, I put her and another one back in the tank so she’d have some company. So far, the 3 that are left in the big cage are still there.

We’ve both learned the consequences of turning the other cheek, being too nice, and not fighting back. So, when the stupid idiots at work kept fucking up and ruining Tom’s night, he wrote them up. While we’re on the subject of “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve,” I totally regret not beating the snot out of the black bitch when she came screaming at me at our door. That’s when I should’ve got her. She’d have been on our property and I’d have claimed self-defense. With her being black and with God protecting her, it may not have gotten her tossed in jail, but it might’ve helped keep me out of jail. A report saying she came over and attempted to attack me would’ve looked really good.

I was watching a show about people who sued pig departments for harming or killing their loved ones in high-speed chases. And over the dumbest things, too. One poor girl had to die cuz it was oh so important to a pig that the person they were chasing dimmed their lights. Pigs are so hell-bent on control that they’d gladly kill innocent bystanders just to conquer and capture someone, even if it’s for the dumbest reasons.

Pigs and courts need to learn that they just can’t always win. They simply can’t get their way all the time, and they need to learn when to pull back and either wait a situation out or cut their losses and admit defeat. They’re simply not God, and no, they just can’t do whatever the hell they want with anyone they want. There’s a time to be persistent and there’s a time to bow out gracefully.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 24, 2002 My stomach is flatter than it has been for a while, partly thanks to the Ab Force. I’m really amazed that it could do this! I’ve begun zapping my thighs as well. I just wish I could zap this giant face and neck off, too! I’m holding steady weight-wise at 119 pounds.

No mail from Pérez or Mary, so hopefully I’ll at least get my doll this week without any problems. I guess my not hearing from Mary has to do with trial stress. I’ll have to try to remember to look online to see when the new trial date is. I’m pretty sure she’s still at Estrella, though.

This Saturday I offered to do the grocery shopping along with him, even though it’ll be a nightmare. That way, I can mail Teddy Bear’s letter from there and be sure it got mailed. I’m not saying Tom didn’t mail Pérez or Rule’s letter, but I can never know for sure. I wasn’t there.

Tom said that this class thing has nothing to do with the judge and that the judge is out of it. All he did was accept the DA’s ludicrous recommendation. It’s up to the probation department to make the adjustment, and he also reminded me that just because it says I have to do something, like work or take classes, doesn’t mean I have to do it.

But why a year and a half into this shit are they bringing it up? Is this just a case of God wanting me to get all worried for nothing? And when am I ever not going to have to have some steady bullshit going on that requires regular appointments? It’s like something wants to keep me going out regularly. First it was for the ear, then the teeth, now the freeloaders. What long-term problem comes after the freeloaders that I’ll be powerless to fight?

This weekend Tom’s going to give me a different computer to use as my MP3 computer. One that’s as fast as my work one. That’ll be nice to have. I’m sick of how slow the one I’ve got right now is and I’m sick of the damn thing crashing.

We’re also recording all the old edit and convo tapes into his computer for him to burn onto a CD. All those tapes can fit onto one CD in MP3 format. There’ll be 5 tapes, but a CD can hold up to 30.

Our stock finally sold, so we’re going to get caught up with house payments and bills, put a little extra aside for the next breakage crisis within the next few months, and get glasses for him and Joy for me. I’m not sure if we’ll be going through JBS Dolls or someone else online. I doubt JBS cuz they’re just too outrageously expensive. I’d really rather try to get her assembled. I can make her an outfit, and if I can’t, she’d be easy to buy something for because she won’t have any stuffing in her arms as Jade does.

MONDAY, APRIL 22, 2002 Got my period this morning. I mean, I guess I did. I don’t have any cramps, but my tit pain’s down. It’s weird, though, cuz I’m not flowing, yet I’m not just spotting either.

Lady’s not pregnant, so that means that either Little Buddy and Sneezy are sterile, or complications arose when Lady gave birth, preventing her from ever getting pregnant again. What’s weird about Lady is that although she’s quicker to run from you than Sneezy, she’s also quicker to come up to you. Sneezy won’t run away as easily, but he sure as hell won’t come up to you either.

I’m more tired today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I dragged myself out of bed a couple of hours earlier than I’d have liked to. Half the time, 8 hours of sleep is nothing to me. 8 hours just won’t cut it. Sometimes it does, but I usually need 9-11 hours of sleep. So last night I went to bed a couple of hours earlier hoping to catch up, but I awoke after just 7 hours of sleep. Guess I can thank the freeloaders for a part of it. Between the mental anguish over them and stressing out over this class bullshit, and thoughts of Teddy Bear, I’m rather restless.

If Teddy Bear does contact me, I just hope I don’t live to regret it. I’m so torn between wanting to live out my fantasy of being with her and wanting to love and stay with Tom forever! It isn’t just Teddy Bear fucking me over that’s a possibility. What if I fuck my own self over by leaving Tom for her, then live to regret it? I’d like to think I wouldn’t be that heartless, stupid and chancy since I could literally be throwing away my whole life if I were to go with her and end up getting dumped with no means of support or roof over my head. Also, I twinge with such sorrow and guilt when I think of leaving Tom all alone and lonely. Yeah, he’s a big boy. But he’s also human. Could I really live with myself then? For the rest of my life, could I really live with always wondering where he is, what his life’s like, who he’s with, etc.? Yeah, life’s all about taking chances, but could I risk having a home, medical insurance, financial support, and someone who fully loves and accepts me as I am? Could I really throw all that away for this woman? Could I love her more than I love Tom and feel even more secure with her?

No, I just don’t see how that’d be possible.

But I also don’t see how I could just ignore her and not settle my curiosity. Not only do I want to keep my word about the mice, but I want to see just what would happen between us if anything at all. Maybe she won’t be as good of a person as I thought she’d be. Maybe I won’t be attracted to her like I was before. Maybe she’s taken, maybe she’s dead, maybe she’ll never contact me. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I just don’t want to wonder about these things, I want to find out the answers to my many questions. Like, what is her first name? What’s her life like? Who is Officer R. D. Johnson and what role, if any, will she play in my life? That’s what I want to know.

Well, in less than an hour, I have to give my life back to the freeloaders, so I’m gonna sign off and get this encrypted. Just because Scot had a slight soft spot for me last week, doesn’t mean I’m safe from any surprise house tosses, and yes, I’m going to keep these encrypted. Nothing I say here is anyone’s business unless I choose to make it their business.

I’m doing a rat experiment. Once again, I put the female babies in the new cage, but this time they’re in with mom and a wooden burrow to hide under. I was thinking that maybe they’d stay there this time around, but we’ll see. I thought Lady was going to kill them at first, the way she pinned them and had them squealing, but I guess she was just checking everybody out to see who was who.

For the first time in ages, I feel a little depressed. This began yesterday. Maybe it’s PMS or maybe it’s cuz I do feel a bit guilty for loving Teddy Bear. I know I shouldn’t, though, since we can’t help our feelings. I have no more control over loving either Tom or Teddy Bear anymore than I have any control over liking disco music and coffee ice cream.

Who knows, though? Maybe, if we do meet, I’ll discover that I don’t really love her and that I only thought I did. Or maybe I will and she’ll do something to snuff that love out. Or maybe I’ll just never see her again. I never thought I’d say this, but a part of me hopes I don’t. That way there could never be any potential conflicts or tough decisions to make. Or maybe I’ll leave it up to Tom. I’m used to others making my decisions for me anyway, so perhaps I’ll just give him the letter to mail and let him decide whether or not to mail it. See, if I have him take me to mail it, he wouldn’t stop me. And when I ask him what I should do, he tells me I have to be the one to decide. Well, if I’m not with him when he’s mailing the letter, that’ll give him an opportunity to have some say in the matter without my knowing it. If he ditched her letter, all I could do was suspect he didn’t mail it, but I couldn’t prove it and he’d know it.

It’s weird being kind of down after so long. I mean, I’m not bawling my eyes out in tears. I’m sure part of it really is PMS, along with being tired. It’s just that usually, if I’m in a bad mood, it’s cuz I’m either pissed, stressed out or both. I’d rather that, though, than be sad.

SUNDAY, APRIL 21, 2002 I’m having conflicting Teddy Bear thoughts. First Tom and I were arguing over freeloader-related shit, which seems to be what the bulk of our arguments pertain to. First it was sex and babies and now it’s the freeloaders.

Anyway, I still worry that a relationship with Teddy Bear may cause friction within my relationship with Tom. Not necessarily cuz of anything she may do, but cuz of him. He tells me I’m in love with someone else now and that I’m “unapproachable” as far as either hugs or sex goes. Well, yes I love Teddy Bear, but that doesn’t detract from my love for him, and how have I been unapproachable? As I told him, I’m available to him, I always have been, I always will be, so if I’m unapproachable, it’s only cuz he doesn’t want to approach me.

As far as my mixed emotions about Teddy Bear are concerned - well - of course it’d be easier not to bother with her and take any chances of her fucking me over in any way, but could I really live with myself and be ok with it if I dumped her? No, I couldn’t. I made a deal with her. I said I was going to breed mice for her, and we agreed to get together. Therefore, I think I should at least keep my end of the bargain and let her be the one to pull out if she wants to. Also, I really do miss her and want to see her.

SATURDAY, APRIL 20, 2002 Still stressing over this class bullshit. This is the same stress I went through in jail. I knew I couldn’t have had these worries and bad vibes for nothing. I just didn’t know it’d take this long. Just why did they wait a year after my release to push this class bullshit? And once they see I have a diploma, are they going to push work on me instead in the name of control? Next thing I know my original fear will become a reality and they’ll be demanding that we move!

After having more time to reflect on it, I fear they won’t drop it because judges don’t change their minds as to what they’ve ordered. They simply don’t do that. It’s an ego thing. And if they don’t push the classes, they’ll just do something else. Remember, it’s a power thing, too. To them, making me pay the monthly fee and report twice a month isn’t enough control over my activities. They don’t just want to rip me off and make me pop in a couple of times a month, they want to control my life. And so does something up there. Once again, the more I go one way, the more I’m pushed the other. It’s like it wants me out of the house more often, yet I don’t want to be out of the house more often, damn it! Not unless it’s to see Teddy Bear. I just want to be left alone to live my life in peace and as I see fit. Who the fuck does this state think it is by trying to parent me around as if I were a child!

Sometimes I believe that the only way to escape society’s bullshit and the system’s abuse would be to literally drop dead. Being dead is the only way I could ever be free, but you know what, I’m not going to stress over this crap anymore cuz I’m not taking any classes. Period. This state is going to learn that no, it just can’t push people around whenever the hell they happen to feel like it. I’m going to put my foot down and stand firmly by what’s right. There’s what the so-called law says, then there’s what’s right. Well, it’s time to do what’s right in the case of Jodi S. Most of what I’ve done, paid, or where I’ve gone has been freeloader-influenced since ‘96, and it’s got to stop. It’s got to stop and I realize now more than ever that the only one who can make it stop is me. These people and the hold they’ve had on me aren’t going to go away on their own. It’s up to me to break the tie between me and the freeloaders. I swear, they’re either gonna end up driving me to my death or running me out of this house!

When I told Tom I was convinced Pérez never got my letter, he suggested that maybe she didn’t write back because they changed their policy about contacting former inmates.

Could be, but I doubt it. And I also doubt she would ignore my simple request and not write back. She was too nice to just brush me off like that. Again, I’m wondering if Tom mailed the letter to both her and Rule for fear of it causing us any problems. If he did, and if his suggestion is truly the case, then what about Teddy Bear? What? Is God up there saying, “No, I don’t want you out with Teddy Bear cuz that’s what you want? I want you taking classes.”

Well, I may not get my way in the end with Teddy Bear, but neither will God. My life is my life. It belongs to me and I’m the one that’s going to take charge of it.

We put a room-darkening shade up in the retreat and two light-filtering shades in the bathroom. That’ll help with the cooling costs a bit more.

I still can’t believe someone had the stupidity to actually think my reading comprehension skills were low. I just don’t see how anyone could’ve concluded that, but even if they were, that’d be my problem and up to me to do something about it, not the state of Arizona.

Besides the fact that I wouldn’t waste our time, money, and gas going to court just to lose, I couldn’t stomach seeing those freeloaders again. I couldn’t restrain myself from pouncing on them.

“They have a right to be notified and to have some say in it,” Scot said when we were talking about the petition.

Yeah, I know. They’ve been having some say in my life since 1996. They’ve been having a lot of say in it.

Well, either way, time will tell if this class bullshit is either a fuck-up or a fuck over, and whether or not I’ll continue on with the probation. Right now the ball’s in their court, literally, so it’s up to them. My actions will depend on theirs.

FRIDAY, APRIL 19, 2002 They want, they want, they want! I’m so fucking sick of this state and its fuck-ups! And damn every mother-fucking freeloader to hell!

Everything will probably be okay, but get this - I go to see Scot today, and he comes out and says they asked for two things that have him baffled. First, they want their report a month in advance, and two, they want to know why I haven’t taken the adult education classes that Scot can’t figure out why they ordered.

To break that down, every 6 months, they want a progress report. He said he told them a few weeks ago that he’s not scheduled to do a report on me till the end of this month. The reason he doesn’t understand the adult ed. classes is that I’m a high school graduate. He says that 60% of the probationers don’t have high school diplomas, so that’s why it’s ordered in most cases. But since I do, he doesn’t see why it’s necessary. I offered to fax him my high school diploma, which Tom’s going to do tonight from work (always one more thing we gotta do for these damn freeloaders!). I’m also going to fax the sign language and manicuring diplomas.

Now here’s the real kicker - according to Scot, they said something about my reading comprehension skills being low. I actually laughed when I heard that, telling him I read just fine.

Tom suggested that since I don’t act like most others, they may have gotten the impression at the courthouse that I didn’t understand the papers I went over with the interview lady or something (it’s always my fault). But I never went over any papers with anyone. That was simply thrown in there for spite, no doubt, but as I told Scot, I’m not taking classes. He thinks he can smooth things out and doesn’t see why it’d be necessary for me to take classes, but he has to do his job. In other words, things aren’t up to him.

I know that, I told him, and I don’t hold him personally responsible for anyone else’s spite or stupidity. He’s the only one that hasn’t been corrupt or incompetent as far as this bullshit goes, and for the first time since I’ve known him, I truly felt like he was on my side and wanted to help by telling them, hey, I don’t see why she needs these classes.

See, this is what I’ve feared all along; that they were gonna get on Scot to get on me about either work or classes. I meant it when I said I’d put my foot down against any classes, and I reminded Tom about this afterward. It’s my fucking life and I’m not about to rearrange it for any fucking vindictive freeloaders or corrupt officials. For 36 years I’ve been treated like a child, and goddamn it, it’s going to end! Scot and Tom are probably right when they say I have nothing to worry about, but it’s just the whole point being that they’ve ruffled my feathers once again.

I’ve given this state everything. Everything. Half a year of my life and thousands of dollars. If I keep giving in to their spontaneous and additional demands, they’re really gonna try to take advantage of me. It’s like they’re testing me to see how far they can push me and how much they can get out of me. I wonder when they’re gonna try to milk us for more than $40 a month. Any day now, I’m sure.

Tom told me afterward that it isn’t that he blames me, it’s just that by not compromising and not being willing to act like most others, I’m going to have to pay the consequences of others misunderstanding me.

Well, he’s wrong. That’s how it was in the past, but that’s not how it’s going to be from here on out. To me “compromising” really means being phony and kissing ass so you can come off as others expect/want you to, but I refuse to be what society thinks I should be. I’m me. Period. So if people are stupid and if someone misunderstands anything I say or do, that’s on them, not me. That’s their problem and their problem only.

I know that’s not what this is about. I didn’t go over any papers with anyone. Nothing I said or did should’ve given the impression that I couldn’t understand what I read. I also find it rather ironic that someone could think that after I typed up page after page of the shit I sent that I could have trouble reading. What? Did they come up with that cuz of the deliberate, disjointed sentences I formed to be confusing?

I doubt it. I don’t know who the hell suggested I can’t take in what I read, but I’m not spending any more time, money, and gas on this shit, and I don’t care what the courts order. Tom says he’ll drive me there, and that’s all well and good, but enough is enough! What? Does God feel my life’s so damn boring that he has to have this shit pulled on me to liven things up? Well, I’d rather be bored out of my mind than cater to these freeloaders and the fucked up system.

But maybe you’re destined to take classes so you can meet somebody, Tom said. Somebody that may speak Spanish that’ll need your help.

Well, I’m about to alter destiny. I like my life the way it is, thank you, and I have no desire to meet anybody new. Being pen pals with Mary and then meeting with my Teddy Bear’s enough. Perhaps I’m even making a mistake by meeting with Teddy Bear. Perhaps I’d be smart by not bothering and by not taking any chances. After all, she could screw me over, too.

I could do without Mary, but I couldn’t bring myself to dump on Teddy Bear and just forget about her. Then I’d always wonder about her and what would’ve happened. Of course, there’s always the chance that I’m wrong and I never see or hear from her again, though that’s not what my vibes say.

I suppose, that if Silvia had known why she was kicked out of M Dorm, she could’ve said Teddy Bear was just as corrupt as the black pig was, but for entirely different reasons, of course. Teddy Bear did what she did cuz she liked me and knew I was more comfortable being alone. The pig did what he did cuz he hated both whites and Jews.

I assured Scot that they were no victims when he referred to them as that pertaining to my petitioning the courts. He said he just calls them that cuz that’s what they’re listed as, he wasn’t there, so he can’t say what really happened one way or the other. When we told him we never saw the pre-sentencing report (of course we weren’t shown it, it’s all lies), and when I told him I didn’t want to petition for a sentence reduction not only cuz of the corruption, but for fear of the freeloaders retaliating, he seemed pretty understanding and rather empathetic for the first time ever. It was the first time he displayed anything other than the usual no-nonsense, I-don’t-care, it’s-not-my-problem attitude, void of any emotions.

I thought it was a bit odd, though, when he asked if I’d seen them or called their house. I reassured him we didn’t want to know they existed, and believe me, if I had called their house, wherever they are, he’d know about it. So would the rest of the world.

Of all the things they could frame me for, at least I know they couldn’t accuse me of calling them since they keep phone records.

Of course, Scot was not only agreeing with me that they’d pitch a fit if I were to even think of petitioning the court, but he was also doing his job by encouraging me to do the rest of my time. Again, it’s a business just like any other. He works for the state, and as the state’s servant, he would never discourage clientele. That’s why they keep things moving, too. As soon as a dozen people finish their sentences, a dozen others begin theirs.

“I’m not gonna find a bunch of cops at my door over this, am I?” I asked him, and he said no, because I’m not in violation.

Well, if there’s one thing I learned not to do, it’s to not open the door to the cops under any circumstances.

All this time and I haven’t fought back yet, but boy let me tell you, if I get railroaded one more time - just one more time - I’m filing every lawsuit imaginable and then some. I’ll do everything and anything it takes to make those responsible suffer dearly, and if anyone wants to perceive that as a threat - fine!

What an eerie coincidence that the sentence is 3 years. That’s how long the freeloaders lived with us. It’s like I’m being punished for each year I tried to get them to shut up and let us live in peace. God really does punish me when I try to fight the cards he’s laid down for me.

THURSDAY, APRIL 18, 2002 I’m very happy to say that Little Buddy’s doing just fine. I guess he just got an upset stomach. This is the first rodent I’ve had that got sick and recovered. It goes to prove that the power of prayer really is bullshit, too. When Scuttles was dying, I prayed to God to make him well, yet he didn’t listen to me. But with Little Buddy, I knew better than to pray to the cruel, hateful monster, and what did Little Buddy do? He went and got better on his own.

Although I handle them daily, the babies are pretty timid, acting just like mice. I guess that’s because their mother’s such a psycho. I hope they’ll calm down with age, but I don’t know. If Miss Skitzo doesn’t start sprouting a belly any time soon, I’m gonna write Little Buddy and Sneezy off as either sterile, gay, or just not interested.

I was so beat that after not sleeping as much as I’d have liked to for the last few days, I let myself sleep in today, not getting up till after 11:00. When I got up I asked myself, do I do a rollover before Teddy Bear visits? Or do I stay on days?

Then the 11:34 sonic boom made the decision for me. I had just been thinking about that too, and how I haven’t heard them lately, figuring that the more things built up, the less I’d hear from them. I thought a boom woke me up at 8:00, but I’d never known them to boom that early and just once. Usually, the booms are in spurts of twos and threes. Sometimes even up to 6 or 7 booms. However, there was just one boom after I’d gotten up, so it probably was a boom I heard and not a dream.

I know I could probably go back to sleep, but that’d be much easier said than done after being woken up by any unwanted visitors. It might as well be the freeloaders themselves coming to see me. Every time I have to see Scot’s fat face, it’s like the freeloaders are right there with him saying, “We’re still here. We haven’t forgotten about you and we haven’t gone away. We’re still very much a part of your life, Whitey Jew.”

If there’s one thing and one thing only that bugs me about Mary’s story, it’s her and Justin getting jobs in Seattle. I’m confused about that one. Justin wouldn’t let her get help for Gretchen in Florida cuz he was wanted for abusing James in Arizona. I can see Justin forcing Mary to Seattle, though why Seattle beats me after he killed Gretchen in Florida. But the media said they got jobs in Seattle. If what the media says is true, since 9 out of 10 things they say are bullshit, then how could Mary continue living with him and go to work as if nothing ever happened? That’s something Doe and Art would do, but Mary? Mary, who’s nothing like them? Why didn’t she call for help once she was at work and away from Justin? And how many other kids were with them at this time? Did she not call for help cuz he threatened her other kids or what?

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 17, 2002 I hope to hell this isn’t bad news. I mean, it’s bad news, cuz Little Buddy’s sick. But how sick, is what I’m wondering? He was fine a little while ago, out running around, as usual. Then shortly after I put him in the new cage, he was sick. There was this yellowish drool dripping from his mouth and he appeared to be having difficulty breathing. Then a while later he cleaned himself and seemed perkier, even eating the carrot stick I offered him.

Oh, how I hope he’s ok! It hasn’t quite been a year yet, and I really want Teddy Bear to meet him! I’m hoping it’s just a case of an upset stomach like people get.

I just checked on him again. He’s not spitting up anymore, but now his nose is bleeding and one of his eyes doesn’t look too good. He’s still perkier, though, so I hope he’ll be better with some rest. It’s just that as a rodent expert, it bothers me to know that statistically, sick rodents rarely recover.

For a while, regardless of if he makes it, he’s gonna be residing in a much nicer and slightly bigger cage. On sale for $100, we got a $200 black wire cage. The other one’s black wire too, but its wires are thicker and spaced further apart. I thought the baby girls since there are more of them, could live in it, but they can get out, even though its bars are closer together. It’s half the weight of the other cage, cuz its bars are thinner. It has a metal base, rather than a plastic one like the other one has. It has 3 shelves at different levels (two have ramps attached to them) and it came with 3 tubes, too.

I bought a couple of new big wheels so there can be two in each cage once the babies move into it in another couple weeks or so, and for now, the big guys and mom are living in it.

Before we went to the pet store, we went to Walmart where I had a blast shopping.

I got a couple of clear vases with air bubbles trapped in them for the 4 bushels of flowers I got. I put two in each one. I got red roses, pink roses, red tulips and pink tulips. Because the vases aren’t as stable as I’d like them to be, I’m gonna get some colored gravel some time to weigh them down.

They had a really nice palm tree that was about 6’ high, but it was $50, so I passed it up.

You know how guys are slobs and don’t always aim - well - I bought a pink rug for around the toilet so I can wash it periodically. The pink contrasts well with the blue carpet.

For myself, I bought a pink and purple floral sundress that fits great, even though it’s a size 14/16 for girls.

I got shiny silver sandals that are a size 3 for girls and awesome looking. The only thing is that they’re not all that comfy. Hopefully, I’ll get used to them cuz they’re really dazzling. Actually, they’re denim sandals with pearl pink sequins. They’re strapless and toeless.

I got two pairs of comfortable shorts in black and pink, two G-strings with rosebuds, also in black and pink, a 6-pack of white ankle socks for next winter, and purple fuzzy slippers.

We got the shades for the master bath and retreat, but still need to get paneling for the sheds, skylight trim, ceiling fans, and a faster board for my MP3 computer.

Just when I thought I wasn’t going to find anything for Jade, I noticed these jackets. Windbreakers with hoods. I picked out a melon pink one, along with a pair of purple pants. Well, I couldn’t have gotten her a better outfit if I tried! They fit perfectly. The pants are mid-calf length, and the sleeves are an inch above her wrists. The colors go well with her coloring. Even her blue/red bead necklace. If only I’d thought to get her socks and sneakers if not just sneakers. Next time, though, and she still needs a stand, too. Her outfit cost under $20.

When it came time to check out the Barbies, I was surprised to find that there wasn’t the breathtaking selection I thought there’d be, but they sure had a lot more than the drugstores. They even had singers Brittany Spears and the chick from Destiny’s Child, as well as Michelle Kwan the figure skater. I want to get the Michelle doll next time around, but this time around, I got a gorgeous doll related to Barbie called Lea. This dark exotic beauty is definitely the best one I’ve got. She’s different too, cuz her outfit’s painted right on her body and so is her necklace. She wears a purple and white 2-piece bathing suit with a white floral chiffon wrap. The wrap is the only thing not painted onto her. I can’t tell what she is, though. Is she white with dark eyes and black hair? Is she Italian, Indian, Oriental, or Spanish?

I’m wondering if a house isn’t coming soon across from next door cuz I saw 4 or 5 people standing around next to a big trailer. They left right after I saw them.

They’re working in back now, as usual, and oh, how nice it is not to have to know about it without looking out and seeing it! Looks like they’re installing either an AC or an evaporative cooler. I wonder what the other two rentals have. There’s nothing on the roofs, so maybe they’ve got ground-mounted units.

TUESDAY, APRIL 16, 2002 It’s a gorgeous day for mid-April. Cool and breezy, though when the sun peeks through the clouds, it’s a bit warm. I decided to take advantage of this weather before it gets unbearably hot and open the windows to air out the musty, ever-present rodent odor.

Though I was up by 8 AM yesterday, I couldn’t fall asleep till 3 AM last night and was tired when I got up at 10 AM. Tomorrow we’re going shopping and I’m sure I’ll have no problem getting up!

This shocks the shit out of me to say this, but I think the Ab Force may be making a difference after all. It’s pretty subtle so far, but my waist is smaller. If I see any more of a difference, I’ll zap my arms and thighs, too.

The renters, as I predicted they would, have been coming out in the early evening on the hotter days. They’re very outdoorsy, but so’s most of Arizona.

I’ve just about written the cheeks off as a no-show, and I’m beginning to think I won’t see him till I go to him on Friday. Maybe the first of the year harassment really was over someone new in the area and or fear of my taking off with the New Year.

MONDAY, APRIL 15, 2002 Just two weeks and I can send the letter. I just know she’s gonna get it and I just know she’s gonna call, too! It’s meant to be. So, I should be seeing her in 3-4 weeks. May 10th stands out in my mind for some reason, which is a Friday, but I can’t say that it has to do with her. I think it does, though.

As soon as I get new ink cartridges, I’m gonna print out her letter before this printer, once again, goes on the fritz in one way or another.

Yesterday we ordered Christmas Glow, who I’ll just call Chris since I’m gonna make her over. So far we haven’t gotten any email saying she’s out of stock, but there’ll be some problem and or delay with the doll. There always is. This will be my sixth doll from them, and I have yet to order and get a doll from them within 7-10 business days.

I’m officially doing freeloader time again for the next 4 hours or so. I wonder if he’ll come when we’re out on Wednesday or Thursday. I doubt it. God wouldn’t have sicced these freeloaders on me in the first place if he knew we could just lock the cheeks out, so why would he have the cheeks stop by on a day when I wasn’t in?

I’m not sending Paula as many letters because I don’t write as often. I usually wait till I have 6-8 pages accumulated before I mail it off to her.

Tom and I were playing with the rats last night. It’s so cute how Lady follows Little Buddy and how Little Buddy comes running to me when I call him. Well, he usually does anyway.

SATURDAY, APRIL 13, 2002 I wasn’t going to write today, but I’m so bored! I don’t feel like doing any more office work or any working out. I already did some singing, fed the animals, and there’s nothing to watch on TV.

Tom says that his job’s erratic hours should settle down in about a month, but that’s hard to believe. He says that his taking over being the boss will lead him to even more raises and that in order to do so, things must be hectic for a while and that’ll sometimes include weekends. He’s been gone all day, and words cannot express how grateful I am to not want a child or have any sexual desires with this man, or else I’d be miserably depressed! Believe me, I’d rather be bored, even mad, than depressed.

I just hope nothing comes up to spoil our Wednesday plans. I’m looking so forward to making a day of it and having fun with no freeloaders involved.

I look out the window and I don’t see the freeloaders, I don’t hear the freeloaders, but why not? I mean, I may as well. They’re still very much a part of my life. Always with them, always with me. And while they’re not currently costing me my freedom, they’re invading my brain. Oh, how I wish I’d handled them differently! So many if-onlyies. Another thing I can add to my long list of regrets is going along with that 2-hour, seemingly asinine and irrelevant interview I went through at the courthouse prior to sentencing. Especially when she came out and asked about my income. That’s none of anyone’s business, I should’ve told her and then left. They would’ve threatened me and they would’ve bribed me, but they couldn’t have sent me to prison for refusing to do an interview and divulging personal information.

I still can’t believe that someone who never knew I even existed before October 30th, a perfect stranger, could sit in judgment of me and send me to jail! The mother-fucker may or may not have known the facts pertaining to the freeloaders or the pig, but I hold him just as responsible for fucking me over as I do the freeloaders, the pigs, and Paul. Any decent judge with a normal, rational mind would’ve said no to the DA’s recommendation. He’d have said that sending someone to jail for something they wrote, threatening or not, was a bit steep. Especially mail sent to an adult who had a choice.

Were Paul and the black pig connected? I’ll never know. Somehow I doubt it, though. Yes, it’s always possible that Paul also thought I was Jewish and had his own prejudices, but I think it was a case of common practice. I think public pretenders always try to deceive their clients in the name of control and saved money.

But the pig - that was sheer hate. Even if I weren’t Jewish; I was white and he wasn’t. I was also just another person he could manipulate and control.

It sounds so good and so easy to just tell myself, hey…you want to stop being their victim and stop being their victim right now? Then stop making payments, stop going to see Scot, and stop opening the door to him.

But they’d only come flying through the door as if I were a mass murderer. It’s a no-win situation. They’ve got me either way and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I’m forced to be victimized by these people and our shit system, and I don’t know if it’s more infuriating or frustrating! I’m as powerless to stop what’s been happening and what’ll keep on happening for another 550 days or so, just as I would be if I were being held down while someone else raped me.

FRIDAY, APRIL 12, 2002 I took a Benadryl last night at 9:00, fell asleep at 10:00, and slept nearly 10 hours, waking up right before the 8:00 alarm.

This Sunday I’ll be ordering a doll, which I should receive between the 23rd and the 26th, but I know it’ll be a few weeks to a few months.

Currently, my top 3 picks are this $25 black doll, a $40 Arab doll, and a $60 fairy doll. The fairy doll’s a bit much for us right now, so it’ll be one of the first two that I’ll get. The black doll should be in stock cuz of its Christmas theme and the fact that it’s not Christmastime or near it. The Arab doll could go either way. So many people hate Arabs after the way they’ve tortured this country, yet the dress is so glamorous that that could cause it to be out of stock.

On the other hand, people don’t care so much about race when it comes to dolls. My black doll, Colette, for example, is just a doll. However, if she suddenly came alive, I’d beat her ass and toss her out the door.

Next Wednesday we’re going to Walmart. I can’t wait. I’ve been looking so forward to going to a department store for so long. We haven’t been in one since ‘99 while we were homeless.

No freeloader-related visits for 3 solid days!

I did my exercises. Hey, it keeps me fat and not real fat.

THURSDAY, APRIL 11, 2002 The first of the workers just arrived in back. God, I’d hate to live back there with that shit always going on! And thank God they’re not just a few feet away. Imagine the door slamming. And the trunk slamming? No bright light last night.

I got up an hour later than I should have, so I’ll have to really push myself in the morning and try to crash earlier tonight.

If Scot doesn’t show up within the next few hours, this will be the longest time he hasn’t bugged me here since last year, nearly 3½ months ago. His last visit was 4 weeks ago today.

Today I’m taking my weekly break and enjoying home-baked cookies. Something I haven’t done in a long time. In fact, I think this is the first time I ever baked cookies in this house. I’m also going to be enjoying my favorite coffee, loaded with fat and sugar. It’s 100 calories a cup, but oh so good!

I’m really sick of encrypting my shit. I mean, it’s such a pain in the ass! I think I’ll only encrypt current stuff since they can’t use the past against me. Then again, I’m being punished for something I’m supposed to have done beginning in 1996, and they don’t need anything threatening or incriminating from me cuz they could just make up their own “evidence” as I said before.

At first I asked myself what was more important to me, frustrating the pigs, should they seize this computer, with encrypted files? Or giving them an eyeful? The answer is - I don’t give a fuck about the pigs either way! For now, I’ll still keep them encrypted.

I did both my sessions at once and zapped my tummy for a total of 20 minutes. That way I only need to use the gel and clean up once. I didn’t bleed, so I think that yes, what I had was my typical mid-month bleeding. If in a month I see or feel any different, I’ll start zapping each thigh for 20 minutes as well, but I’m still sure I won’t see or feel any changes. That’s when I’ll probably quit zapping altogether.

It’s nice to see that the iguanas are out for the year.

No cheeks. Of course, we still don’t know that he didn’t stop by Monday. If he did, I’m sure he’ll tell me about it whenever and wherever I see him next.

God, I really had no self-respect back east! In ‘91, I was talking about being friends with Mary D, though I never did. That’s totally fucked up of me to even think that! After she trashed my stuff and tried to attack me? Damn! I should’ve hurt her instead of keeping her from hurting me, then I should’ve been forever done with her.

A few of the babies appear to be sprouting balls. So far it looks like there are going to be 5 females and 3 males. So if I keep Lady, and if she doesn’t breed with Little Buddy, that’ll be 6 girls and 5 boys.

Unlike me, Tom was sore after using the Ab Force. That’s cuz he doesn’t exercise, so his muscles are weaker.

From what I read online, the trial is to be delayed even more. I hope to hear from Mary about it real soon, then I’ll have to decide whether or not to make up an excuse as to why I can’t see her in May, or if I should just go see her.

Anyway, the sick fuck, Justin, is doing things to delay going to Florida to stand trial for murdering Gretchen, but as the report said, Florida will wait for him. He can’t put it off forever. Sooner or later Florida’s gonna get him and he’s gonna stand trial. I don’t know if justice will be done and if he’ll get executed, or at least life, but he can’t avoid extradition forever.

From what I can tell, Mary made two mistakes. The first one is going with this sick twist in the first place. The second is pleading guilty over failing to get medical help for both James and Gretchen. But Justin wouldn’t let her get the help, so why did she plead guilty to something she couldn’t help and that she wasn’t guilty of? They obviously did the same thing to her as they did to me and they tricked and bribed her into pleading guilty. She never needed to or should’ve pled guilty. Pleading not guilty, like she should have, would not have made things worse for her. It’s just that everybody’s led to believe that pigs, judges and lawyers are Gods who can do things they really can’t do. They let themselves be intimidated by them.

God, I wish I could go back and redo certain things over again, even though I certainly don’t care to relive the experiences! If only I’d contacted the city right away, if only I’d beaten the shit out of the bitch! If only the only words out of my mouth to the black pig had been, “Charge me or release me.” If only we had done our homework sooner as far as the laws and what Paul should’ve been doing. If only, if only, if only!

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10, 2002 I ended up having just under 1000 calories yesterday and waking up at 118 pounds, but you know what? Enough is enough! I’m sick of this diet thing. I’ve spent years going hungry, and all for what? To lose 6 pounds? I’m tired of putting myself through so much for so little. All the hunger simply isn’t worth losing a few pounds. Meanwhile, as long as I stick to my exercising and keep my calories between 1200-1500 with one day a week to eat all I want, I should never gain weight. So, although I’m 15-20 pounds heavier than I’d like to be, there are worse things in life than being squat and plump. If I were 30+ pounds overweight, then I might stick to it and put more effort into it, but I am as I am and I want to just let myself be for a while. I’m not saying I’ll never diet again or lose more weight; just not now. For now, I want to relax and let myself be as I naturally am without putting so much pressure on myself, and as I said before, Teddy Bear will have to accept me as I am.

Our Ab Force thing arrived. It feels like a strong vibrator. I did my waist already. I’m a bit confused, though. They say not to use it for more than 20 minutes a day, but does that mean more than 20 minutes on the same area, or all together? And it doesn’t say either way about using it on your back or on different areas of the arms/thighs. It shows them using it on the outer thighs and biceps, but can’t I use it on my inner thighs and triceps if I wanted to? The only places it says not to use it are the head, neck, heart and genitals.

I’ll ask Tom when he gets up. He’d know more about this sort of thing. I’ll probably just stick to doing my abs with it cuz I still don’t see how it can change your appearance. This thing doesn’t say anything about that, though, unlike some of the others that claim it reduces a couple of inches from the waist. After a month of doing my waist, then I’ll decide whether or not to do my arms/thighs. Trying to get the thing on my arms isn’t very easy.

The renters are out burning trash right now. I saw two adults and two kids. What a dumb time to do your trash; when inspectors could be out and about. And what is it with the new bright light they have at the back corner of the house, towards the side where the utility pole is? They never hang out back or at the side, so what do they need that, and their front light for? You’d think people would want to take advantage of and enjoy the darkness out here, but instead, people light up their properties like in the city. I can see a low-wattage light in front, but a super bright light at the back corner.

It should be roughly a week now since Pérez got my letter. If I don’t hear from her by the end of next week, then I think that’ll be a reasonable time to assume she either didn’t want to write back, or she never got the letter. Now the question is, should I mail Teddy Bear’s letter myself? I don’t like this not feeling like I can trust Tom, but I’m just not sure if I can. They say your gut instinct is the one to trust, so would I be feeling this way if I didn’t have a reason to?

The baby rats are now a bit bigger than the mice. I think I might be seeing balls forming on one of them. They’re still little midgets compared to Sneezy, whose head is almost as big as their whole bodies. Sneezy’s now in with 3 babies, then I’ve got 5 babies by themselves, and Lady’s in with Little Buddy, who I hope isn’t sterile. I’d really like a Little Buddy Jr. or two, and to replace Lady with a look-alike.

A little over an hour ago, I could’ve sworn I saw Scot go up Ralston, the opposite way in which he goes to come here. If that truly was him, why would he pass by without stopping here? I guess this means he could swing back up and stop by, though. We’ll see. It’s been 4 weeks, so he could come by anywhere from right now, till a few months from now. If the cheeks come while Tom’s asleep, I hope I spot him before he gets a chance to knock and wake him up. After all, it was me the freeloaders were always after, so Tom shouldn’t have to be put out any more than necessary. He’s already been put out enough.

It still strikes me as being the weirdest thing how I can work out faithfully like I do, rarely exceed 2000 calories, and still be fat. I always truly believed that exercising was supposed to cause weight loss, but I see that it does not. It simply tones me up and helps keep me from gaining any more. But what do these fitness people do? Starve themselves? Work out 8 hours a day? Both? It’s said that the fitter you are, the thinner you are - well - I’m pretty fit, so why aren’t I thin? I mean, I just had no idea that one could carry so much fat as well as muscle at the same time!

Now it’s let’s-work-on-the-rental time. Why does this one need so much more work than the other two? There are two pickups and a couple of people hanging out by the utility pole. I wonder if that bright light’s connected to whatever it is they’re doing. I mean, no one should need that much illumination. Especially out here and in areas you don’t walk through.

I’m currently fine-tuning early 1991, and damn was I always sick! Colds, flu, infections, vomiting, asthma attacks - why was I always so sick?

No cheeks today. No activity in front, either, but it’s still for sale.

The workers are still in back. Just what the hell could be so wrong with the place that it needs so much work, and if there are that many problems, why’d George let them move in when they did? It must be a serious problem for them to be there this late. Whatever it is seems to revolve around the utility pole, so it’s probably an electrical problem.

I had contemplated hanging up the jogging for a while and just sticking to my toning exercises while adding another set to my routine to double my workout. Then I had an idea. Why don’t I keep my workout as it is and run on the treadmill? It’s easier to run on that thing, than to walk, anyway. I just have to hold onto the rails. It’s a hell of a heart-punching workout, though, being uphill and all, so I’ll only run to two songs’ worth and maybe even do it every other day.

After my second Ab Force session, I was bleeding. The question is, is this the typical mid-cycle bleeding I tend to have? Or did the Ab Force cause it? I didn’t bleed after my first session, so right now I’m not blaming it on the Ab Force.

TUESDAY, APRIL 9, 2002 We were gone for about 8 hours yesterday, but the car won’t be fixed until today. At least, we think it’ll be fixed today. He said that because we just got all new tires, he wants the car to last another couple of years and that maybe we can get fences and an old pickup this fall with stock money. That all sounds good, but I still can’t imagine God allowing us fences till right before or after the probation ends.

We saw Mary, Dave and Mom right as we were leaving. While he worked on the car I hung out with Pepper and read my book. Seeing Pepper made me wish we hadn’t decided against taking him, but either way, we couldn’t take him. We don’t have fences and it’ll be a while before we do.

Because I knew I would be on a liquid diet for today and tomorrow, I didn’t hold back on helping myself to the shit they have there. It is unbelievable all the shit they have! There were 5 bowls of candy, 2 boxes of cakes, half a dozen boxes of various crackers, half a dozen boxes of various chips, and both the fridge and freezer were jam-packed with pies, ice cream, TV dinners, etc. The only healthy things were a couple of containers of yogurt and some cheese. They did have V8 drinks for mom, but everything else was soda or fruit punch. The variety of food wasn’t the only amazing thing, but so was the quantity. If I were suddenly stranded all alone in that house, I could easily get by on all that food for a month.

Anyway, I woke up at 119 pounds, and I plan on not eating till Thursday. Depending on what the scale says come Thursday morning, then I’ll decide whether or not it’s time to permanently hang up dieting (or for a long, long time) and maintain whatever I am, or if I want to starve another day or two after I’ve eaten for a day or two in between.

What the fuck is going on here?! How could I have gained a pound since 8:00 this morning with no food? I should be down a pound or two by now, not up a pound. I didn’t shit today. Maybe that has something to do with it, but with no food, I should wake up tomorrow at 115, then at 111 on Thursday. That’s a reasonable amount of weight loss for someone who doesn’t eat for 48 hours, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna go through this hell just to lose a few pounds in the end! I should easily lose 4 pounds a day, maybe even 5 or 6.

We checked online for any news pertaining to Mary’s trial, but there was nothing. Not one mention of it, and I had said to Tom, “Guess it’s not big news when a child is abused so long as everyone involved is the same color.”

Yet he assured me it was too soon and that no mention of it would be likely till after the testimony, the closing arguments, and the jury’s deliberation.

I really hope she’s taken to Florida before May. I really don’t want to go through the hassles of going to see her! Besides, she should be a bit more comfortable in prison, I’d think.

If Scot doesn’t show up here this week, then who knows when the fuck he will? Not for a while, I hope. I’m really sick of having to deal with anything that’s connected to these freeloaders. I want them out of our lives for good!

I hope Paula remembers to call and let me know how she makes out in court at the end of the month. I also hope she’ll contact me as soon as she can if she gets a jail sentence on her birthday. Certainly, she couldn’t get too long of a sentence. She only slugged a cop, right? I hope that pig was white!

MONDAY, APRIL 8, 2002 There turned out to be more trouble with the car, so Tom’s mom got him a rental. Meanwhile, we’re going over there today while Mary’s at jury duty, Dave’s at work, and Mom’s at daycare to work on the fucking thing.

SUNDAY, APRIL 7, 2002 Tom’s at Mary’s now and I’m spending most of the day fine-tuning journals, besides working out and giving attention to the animals. I’m almost through the first 5 years of journals, but that’s back when I wrote so little. About 200 pages are covering the years 1987-1991 combined, yet twice that many cover 1996. 1996-1999 are too big to be stored on one floppy. After I get done skimming them for their trivial shit and restructuring sentences, I hope to get them onto one disk.

I spoke to Tom at Mary’s a couple of hours ago. It did turn out to be a ball bearing like he originally thought. The good news is that Ma’s covering the $100 cost. Guess you could say I’m grateful for God ignoring my prayers, as he usually does, back when I’d pray for him to take her. But his was when she was much more of a burden than a help. The question is, what are we gonna do when he does take her?

Anyway, as it’s turned out, the only thing that’ll be spent on this shit is time. Time he should’ve spent lazing around the house. He was sick, he’s been working his ass off - the guy deserves a break! But no, God just had to go and let this happen.

Sometimes I wonder - is God trying to tell us to go into the repair business with the way he has our shit break so often? He just loves to sit back and watch us have to fix shit, but boy I’ll tell you - I am really fucking sick of it! It really gets old! By July we’ll have another breakage crisis. He just won’t let us live in peace for more than 3 months, though anything’s better than being cursed with freeloaders, pigs and jail.

I just want to go shopping next week and for me to see my Teddy Bear. My vibes strongly say that I will, but if I don’t, I’m going to believe I’ve totally lost all my psychicness completely. I’ll give her until June to contact me. If she doesn’t by then, then I’ll destroy her text and picture files and file her away in my brain as just a memory.

But I know that won’t be the case. I know she’s coming. I just hope she’ll still be attracted to me, and that deep down she won’t be disappointed in me for not losing weight. I just don’t want to do it. Period. I like to eat, and besides, I’ve had my thin days, so it’s not like it’s something new that’s so important to me. I just don’t care about my looks as much anymore. As long as I don’t get bigger; that’s all that matters. Meanwhile, I’ve been chunky for years now and I know I always will be. This is how I’m meant to be, or else I wouldn’t be this way, and I don’t care to lose weight that’ll only come right back. I’m big everywhere except for my calves and forearms. I only hope she doesn’t mind. She shouldn’t. I mean, she’s twice as big as I am, after all, and doesn’t seem the type to base relationships solely on looks. I look close to how I looked in jail, so I guess that if she could be attracted to me back then, she could still be attracted to me.

SATURDAY, APRIL 6, 2002 I’m so fucking pissed right now! Utterly furious! Of the two problems we usually have (freeloader or breakage), it’s the non-stop breakage curse that’s got us now. The fucking ball bearing on the car went out. I knew something would come up to stop us from our mid-month shopping spree I had looked so forward to. Well, I’m sick of making plans cuz we just cannot get ahead to save our lives! Something up there doesn’t want us having any fun for damn sure. As soon as we fix one thing and think we just might get ahead enough to spend some money on ourselves, something just has to up and break. Why can’t we go three months without something breaking??? Just three months!!! Why plan on getting outfits for Jade, plants, fences or anything else when something’s only gonna come up to take that money away? And there goes the doll I was gonna order this month too, cuz I know this thing is gonna cost hundreds of dollars. I know this isn’t gonna be just a minor inconvenience that’s simply going to delay our grocery shopping and our stopping to pick up our mail for a day or two. When God gets us, he gets us good.

Meanwhile, he’s gonna try getting a hold of Mary so she can bring him home. Then tomorrow, he’s gonna have her come get him, then bring him to work where his car will be.

I just want us to be able to live our lives! I’m sick of having to make a career out of fixing things and catering to freeloaders!

the cheeks asked Tom again if he were back on nights. In other words, will he be waking him up when he comes to bug me next week?

When am I gonna get another 3 months off from his popping over? I’m obviously not a flight risk, or else I’d be gone by now, and anyone with an average IQ could see I’m not this crazy, violent person, despite the fact that that’s the impression that would’ve been given in all the “reports.”

Mary and Dave picked Tom up and brought him home. They’re coming to pick him up tomorrow morning around 9:00. I thought about going with them, but I don’t know if I want to sit in their dust-covered house and eat pizza for 18 hours while Mary takes my picture. I think, though, she’s learned her lesson and knows better about the picture-taking thing, it’s just that I’d be so bored there for that long. We’ll see. It may do me good just to get out and visit. Especially since most of my outings are black-related. To get out and not have to do for the black bitch is a nice change, though either way, I don’t like to go out often.

Tom says that if it’s the part he thinks it is, it’ll cost between $60-$80, but that seems awfully low. Our breakage sprees cost us hundreds if not thousands.

Mary thought the babies were cute, though she wouldn’t want them in her house since she doesn’t like rodents with tails.

She also saw my 11 bottles of chrome nail polish and thought they were neat-looking. I just repolished my nails, doing each one a different color. They’re so long now that it’s hard to type.

I decided that now was a good time to breed Little Buddy and Lady. That way, both sets of babies will be close in age, and I can replace Lady with any solid brown ones they have if they have any. Lady’s just too damn timid. We have enough rats, so I’ll probably just keep one or two from the next batch. I just want Little Buddy to leave descendants behind, though I certainly hope he has at least a year and a half more to live.

I’m just so pissed over this car shit. We should’ve done our grocery shopping today and picked up our mail. Then tomorrow we should be burning. Then in the middle of the month, we should be out shopping. We really could use the things we plan to get, and I’ve been looking so forward to this for so long, but these fucking car costs are really gonna hurt us and prevent us from getting much.

It’s pretty windy out there today. A bit cloudy too, though I don’t expect any serious storms till the monsoon season in July or August.

FRIDAY, APRIL 5, 2002 I asked Tom, and no, there’s no way to lock my whole directory/computer, and no, the pigs couldn’t keep me in jail forever for refusing to give them the key. They’d bluff me, he said, and would try to trick me into giving it to them, but I wouldn’t legally have to and they couldn’t legally detain me.

Some of my nails are so long now that it’s hard to type. Anyway, after this morning, I’m free of the freeloaders till 10 AM Monday. Lucky me!

I’m going to try to maintain a day schedule. Not just because of Teddy Bear, even though I don’t expect to see her for 5 or 6 more weeks, but because we’re going to be doing some shopping in the middle of the month.

I wonder if Teddy Bear remembers my release date.

I know it’s been only a week, but I’m beginning to suspect Tom never mailed Pérez her letter. I mean, I just find it rather hard to believe she couldn’t handle a simple little request like sending a quick note or a lousy postcard. It makes me wonder if I should be the one to mail Teddy Bear’s letter, even if means delaying it a week or so. Then again, if he’s that adamantly against Teddy Bear enough not to mail her letter, then maybe I shouldn’t be mailing it and maybe I shouldn’t be getting together with her at all if that’s the case. He’s shown jealousy before, like when Kim visited. And he knew I wasn’t even attracted to Kim, so I sometimes worry about how he’ll react to my associating with someone he knows I am attracted to.

If being gay is hereditary like the scientists are saying, then I wonder who I inherited my gayness from. If either my parents or my grandparents had had any attraction towards the same sex, there’s no way in hell they’d ever have admitted it. Not in that day and age. Not even if they were all still alive.

It’s really quite amazing that despite the diversity of colors, none of these rats are solid brown like their mother.

THURSDAY, APRIL 4, 2002 And so it was one year ago today that I last saw Palma. I wonder what her life is like now. Was she as prejudiced as Madeline said she was? Or was she truly flattered by my being attracted to her? Did she like me too, like she seemed to? Is she bi, bi-curious, or strictly dickly?

I wonder if she’s in the tents now, too. She’d love that! More people to be in control of.

How nice it is to sit here and see the month of April on the wall calendar I made! But it’ll be even nicer once it says May, cuz that’ll be when I should see Teddy Bear.

If it turns out that I don’t hear from either Teddy Bear or Pérez, then I’ll really suspect Tom never mailed their letters. I’d find it awfully hard to believe that two DOs who liked me would choose to ignore me. I can see Pérez deciding not to write back, but for Teddy Bear to ignore me seems so unlikely.

It also seems unlikely that the cheeks will show up today, but I’d think that next week he will for sure. Who knows, though? Maybe I’m in for another 3 months off from the house calls. Either way, tomorrow we have to lose more time and money to the freeloaders, but while I’m at it, I’m going to spoil myself at Dairy Queen, even though the ice cream I ate yesterday and the day before caught up to me and threw me back up to 119 pounds. Once again, I doubt I’ll get to fit comfortably in those shorts with my shitty willpower.

The babies are so cute and are beginning to look like rats, rather than deformed guinea pigs with large heads and tails, as Tom had described them. They’re eating and drinking, though still nursing. I love the way they play pin the opponent!

I guess summer’s here to stay now, though it’s not very hot yet. The tiny yellow flowers that bloom on some of these bushes are starting to blossom.

I’m sick of encrypting/decrypting my shit. Perhaps I should stick to it, but I’m not sure I want to keep doing it cuz it’s a pain. I guess I just don’t care if the pigs read anything I’ve got to say about this world or the people in it. Maybe I should give them their reading’s worth if they ever saw fit to go through the trouble of seizing this computer. I haven’t written anything that could incriminate me, and either way, I wouldn’t have to if they were out to get me. All they’d have to do is make up their own “evidence.” I’d also be kidding myself if I thought I could simply refuse to tell them my key and that they’d just send me on my merry way once they saw I wouldn’t budge. If you won’t give the pigs what they want, they won’t let you go. So, if they did steal this shit, my only two choices would be to give them the damn key or stay in jail, even if that meant being there forever. Cops bribe people with their freedom all the time.

Maybe there’s a happy medium. Instead of encrypting, maybe I can just use a password for my entire doc directory. Or my entire computer. It’d be a lot quicker to type in a password than to decrypt journals. Those with 150 pages or more take several minutes to encrypt/decrypt.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 3, 2002 I was surprised that this letter of Mary’s was dated 2/28! What took it so long to get to me? I was wondering why she never answered my question about if she wanted both Tom and I to visit or just me. She said both of us would be fine, but I don’t think we’ll get that far if they move her after the 8th, and if that’s the final trial date, then I don’t see why they’d hold her at Estrella much longer than a week at the most. A part of me hopes she gets moved before May. Yes, I’d like to see her, but I don’t want to go through the hassles of waiting forever to see her. I know all too good and well what that’s like and I don’t miss it!

In this letter, she says she was told that Pérez is now in the tents, which explains why she hasn’t gone to M Dorm to claim my letter like I believe she would have if she were still inside. I only hope that my never hearing from her is because she herself chose not to respond to me and not because Tom made the decision for her by not mailing the letter.

I also got some book stuff to type up.

TUESDAY, APRIL 2, 2002 Another hour and 20 minutes and I’m officially back on call for the black bitch for 4 hours. I’m beginning to doubt the cheeks will show up this week, but I’m sure he’ll put in his April appearance at some point. I’m really surprised he went 3 whole weeks without bugging me, but the week’s not out yet, so we’ll see.

Because it’s getting closer to my visit with Teddy Bear, I’m going to try to maintain a day schedule as soon as I get on one again. Right now I’m crashing in the late afternoons and getting up around midnight. Tom’s schedule fluctuates more than mine does, believe it or not.

At 117 pounds, I’m noticeably smaller all over, for once and for all. Even my fat ass and neck have shrunk a bit! I still feel chunky, though I know I’m doing real damn good for my age. I wouldn’t complain if I could get to 105, but I doubt I’ll get that low. Maybe 110-115.

My autobiography’s all done, so now I’m just fine-tuning old journals. Damn was I one naïve, confused, contradicting bitch! Going back and forth on my feelings about this one, then about that one. And at the same time I had no confidence, I was brimming with a false sense of hope, believing that one day I’d see my dreams become a reality. Well, I’m glad they didn’t and that things turned out the way they did. I regret certain neighbors, I regret wanting things I couldn’t have as bad as I did, but overall, things turned out for the better.

If I don’t hear from Pérez in the next week or two, then I’ll know I won’t be hearing from her at all. I really doubt I will hear from her, but that’s okay. As long as she got my letter and I was able to really thank her for all her help.

Tom’s picking up a letter today from Mary with 23¢ postage due. Not that 23¢ is any big deal to us, but Tom has to wait in line, and she should know better by now.

I’m looking forward to getting the Ab Force we ordered that sends an electronic pulse, in the way that a stun gun does, to work the ab muscles. It also does arms and legs. I know it’s bullshit as far as weight loss or loss of inches go, but I think it’ll feel good. Especially for lower backaches, even though I’m fortunate enough not to get many of those with the way I work out.

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goliath-de-senfina-sango · 5 years ago

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Local Teen fed up with Friends' Shit, Local Friends Having a Spat, Local Friends Fight a Ghost Instead of Each Other, Local Team of Youths Perform Exorcism

When Danny got to school, his friends were bickering, walking down the halls to their lockers stuck in a cyclical argument. “This school needs change and I’m going to make sure it happens!”

“Nobody wants this but you and your vegans!”

“It’s healthier for you, better for wildlife and livestock and does less damage to the environment!”

“People literally need meat products in order to live, what about them?”

“There are supplements that can stand in for meat without slaughtering innocent animals that have no choice in whether they get murdered to feed us!”

“Just like you’re giving us no choice in our alternatives?”

Danny couldn’t stand it anymore and got between them both. “Estrellas arriba, shut up! Go to class! No one wants to hear this screeching in the halls!” Tucker and Sam both stared at him wide-eyed and red-faced but Danny was already pushing Tucker away since Sam was usually immovable. “I can’t believe you guys. You’re both so clever - how can someone so clever be so stupid? How do you spend a week arguing over a temporary change that’ll never take hold?” Sure, Danny’s angry ranting in Spanish may have been getting him stares but that’s what his hoodie was for and he was too annoyed to care. Once they were in class, Danny went quiet and pulled out his sketch pad to lose himself in drawing whatever first came to mind. Hydra, the largest constellation in the sky, soon decorated the page until class actually started.

As the day progressed Danny shot out an argument on both sides and pulled his friends away from each other when they started yelling, determined not to deal with their bullshit more than needed. By the end of the day he’d had to come up with several new star-based swears because regular cussing didn’t cut it anymore. “Gods, I can hardly get to lunch without a Denobola shouting contest! You two deal with this without me!” Heading outside to eat his packed lunch in peace, Danny took solace in his last period being one without his friends. Who knew my least favorite class would be my only peaceful one? Those two better be done with this soon.

A cow float, a stage, a ‘meat on a stick’ stand, kids in steak and hot dog costumes, a guy with a grill that couldn’t possibly be legal to just put on school property, and a sign that read “United we eat meat.” These were the first things Danny saw when he got to school. Then he looked over at the other side of the schoolyard. A replica of the Mystery Machine, the biggest fake sunflower he’d ever seen in his life, and yet another stage were set up with people that Danny could only identify as hippies surrounding that stage with picket signs with “It’s easy being green,” and “Tofu for you” written on them.

“Literally, how?” Danny groaned as his friends both approached him, looking furiously determined and holding megaphones. He could feel the cold burn of his eyes flashing brilliant green once they were both in front of him. “Seriously, how did you even get this done! I know there aren’t that many vegans here at the school who could’ve helped with this Sam, so how’d you get it done?”

Sam rolled her eyes at him, arms crossed. “I paid some people to help us set up the stage on time, so what?”

“…How much money do your parents make that you ca-”

“So you’re a capitalist?” Danny was not going to punch his friend for interrupting him, that’d be counter-productive right now. Even if Tucker’s screeching in his ear nearly made that ear bleed. “You have the money and privilege to chose not to eat meat and you go and condemn the poor people who have to work their asses off to make ends meet and who literally need meat to live?”

“Enough!” Danny put a hand over both of their mouths. “Sam: you’re right, eating meat is bad for animals cause they die. You’re also disregarding the struggles of the poor and forcing your choices on the rest of the school like your parents do to you and like they do to everyone else through money and political power. And you.” Danny whirled around and pointed his finger in Tucker’s face. “This is going to ridiculous extremes. How did you even do this? Don’t answer that, I don’t wanna know. This is only a week-long change, you know that. Parents would’ve complained to the school about their kids being forced into someone else’s diets and the school would never do this again. More importantly!”

Shiver, mist. The sky darkened, the wind whipped up, and Danny swore he could hear cackling from everywhere. He looked over at the truck that Tucker had brought in and grabbed his best friend’s shoulder. “I’m going to punch you later for bringing a stars damned meat truck when we’re fighting a ghost who’s obsessed with meat.”

“That was my b,” Tucker admitted meekly. As the meat ripped out of the truck and flew through the air, Tucker and Sam slipped their wrist rays on and Danny ran to and slid under Tucker’s stage. The sound of something huge hitting the ground shook it, and Danny reached inside of himself. That humming ball of cold and void and out of reach stars, he plunged into it, and light washed over his body. The world changed, colors turning vivid and bright, strange colors he had no names for other than non-visible light raced into his eyes. The shadows were no longer black but silvery grey, the vast emptiness between molten starmetal and the blazing suns. Sounds and smells and sensations hit him that were all too alien to process. He reeled, nearly dropping the form. But he had something to do, he had a job to do.

Danny phased into the ground and popped up in front of the meat monster. It towered over him, so large Danny could barely see anything else. A check of his wrist showed that his ray was now pretty much melded into his hazmat. “Weird, question later, ass kick now.”

Tucker was shouting at the rest of the students, his wristray aimed at Agatha but attention on the crowd. “MOVE, GET OUT OF HERE!” Sam grabbed onto Tucker to try and pull him out of the way of an oncoming meat fist but one of the vegans sprinting away knocked her into him and they both went flying onto the grass. A snarl on his lips, Danny charged forward. He lashed out with his foot to the… head, he supposed, of the meat, and it staggered backward away from the student body. She swung at him with a hand that moved faster than he’d anticipated, and Danny went flying. The world faded into unreality and he passed through what he vaguely knew were trees and the ground before stopping and righting himself. He flew under the ground, legs merging into a tail - also to freak out over later - and he zoomed. He emerged right under her and missed his uppercut as she stumbled backward from the rays that Sam and Tucker fired. Another fist grabbed him and Danny was slammed into the ground.

After a failed kick to the hand, Danny concentrated on his wrist ray and lined up the trigger that was sitting comfortably under his glove. Pull and - Agatha screamed from within her monster host, and Danny flew free. His ray was clearly bigger than the others, but he also felt drained. “Reserve for bigger fights.”

Danny weaved around her next few blows, kicking and punching the construct of processed meat backward away from the fleeing students and his friends. Flying in circles to orbit the monster, Danny picked up speed and slammed his foot into the head of the meat pile and it toppled to the ground.

Danny took a moment to breathe, glad to find he could if he didn’t think too hard about it. A fist came into view and Danny went soaring up and up and up. He saw a plane fast approaching and moved into that safe spot between the world and everything else. He passed through the plane like it was a thin cloud of smoke before managing to stop. Then he dove, turning solid again when Agatha was in sight from within her meat construction. “Not a lot of mass but anything with this kind of velocity should do the job.”

BOOM

In the center of the crater, at least as deep as Danny was tall and twice as wide, a splatter of green pulled itself back together into a black and white-suited Danny Phantom, blue skin bruised a sickly purple-black where his cheek had impacted the ground. Picking himself up, the teen rolled his shoulder until it ached a bit less and saw Agatha there, staring at him. “Oh dearie, are you ok?”

“Surprisingly.” Danny rolled his neck. When he focused in on Agatha - he really could just see everything couldn’t he? - her face was warped and stretched larger than the rest of her.

“Tough! You being ok isn’t part of my balanced breakfast of death!”

Smaller chunks of meat came together into constructs about three-quarters of Danny’s size, five of them in total, and they grinned at him. This was when Sam and Tucker caught up with everything, apparently. Danny spun, heel tearing through the creatures like a knife, and landed to see Agatha being pushed back by Sam and Tuck’s wrist rays. “Fuck yeah!”

Danny’s celebration was cut short by his grasp on that deathly cold void slipping in the excitement, light washing over him with the warmth of being alive again. “This is inconvenient.” The meat monsters grabbed onto Danny’s limbs, reminding him that they were mere extensions of Agatha’s will. “This is even less convenient, how about no?”

As Danny was dragged through the air, something smacked him in the face. Catching it before it could fall out of reach, Danny felt a minor bloom of relief. “The Thermos! Maybe I can get it to work!” Seeing his family below, Danny hoped to all the stars in the sky that he was just going for a ride.

The ride stopped. Danny was dropped. A scream flew from his lungs, and Danny reached deeper, desperately grasping, to pull himself into the chill of the grave. The abyss met his call at the same time that his family looked up at the blur fast approaching. “Thanks for the thermos!” He shouted as he dove into the ground. Not waiting to see how that was handled he resurfaced to find Sam and Tucker bound in mounds of meat. “Work. Please work.” Danny aimed the thermos, poured his own cold heat shadows into the thing, and hit the button. A flash of blue light, a scream of defiance, and he capped the thermos. Gravity and heat washed over him again and Danny let out a sigh of relief, running over to pull Sam and Tucker out of the meat piles. “You guys ok?”

“I have meat and blood everywhere and I was nearly crushed to death.” Sam shuddered, even as Danny phased everything off of her. “I am the very definition of not ok.”

“My nightmares are scarred for life after that. That was freaky. What do we do with her?” Tucker’s voice sounded more robotic than Danny liked, he’d have to do something to help him back to normal.

Before Danny could answer that he heard footsteps and turned the thermos invisible. As he thought, his parents thundered toward him with the Ghost Finder in hand. “Just missed em, guys.” Danny pointed behind him and was relieved when his mom and dad jogged off after a nonexistent ectosignature. “Well, that was a shitty start to the day. We should go inside before someone makes something out of the crater here.” Danny, Tucker, and Sam all headed off to the nearest entrance to the school, thoughts going south. “What if the security cameras caught all that?”

“Oh, no, that you don’t have to worry about,” Tucker said. “I’m all over that in like, a couple of hours tops.”

“Good.” Danny waited until they’d gotten to their lockers, and stuffed the thermos into his bag before punching Tucker in the arm. “That is for bringing a stars damned meat truck when there was a food-obsessed ghost flying around!”

“Alright, yeah, that was stupid of me.” Tucker nodded. “I shouldn’t have done that. But uh, we all agreed not to do stuff that affects literally everyone without consulting each other?” Tucker and Danny both looked to Sam, who glared at them heatlessly.

The goth sighed and leaned heavily on Danny. “Alright, fine, ask people what they want first. Lesson learned. Can we talk about what we’re gonna do with Agatha though?”

“Well, I don’t think she’s a mindless monster or anything,” Danny started slowly as they walked toward their homeroom. “I think we can reason with her. Show her that change can be a good thing when it’s done right.”

“Alright, we can do that once we’re sure she’s not gonna try and kill us though, right? Tucker tried to go for a neutral, slightly teasing tone but Danny could hear - could feel a shakiness to him. “We are meat if you didn’t notice Danny, and I don’t know if her control over food extends to a cannibal’s diet. I don’t wanna find out.”

“I’m horrified and grossed out,” Sam groaned. “I’m all for not getting cannibalized. That’s the wrong kind of macabre for me.”

Danny shook his head, made some crack about how bad either of them might taste, and promised to let Agatha cool down before releasing her. “Now, Sam, about how you’re using your money to muscle people around.” Danny groaned as loudly as he could and Tucker waved him off anyway. “No no, she’s an activist and all that shit, she knows how capitalism effects the working class and the attitude that people can just get by without animal products..” Danny pushed both of hs friends forward while this conversation happened. It was going to be a long day.

That cooldown time happened to be the amount of time it took for the veggie week thing to run its course and be done with. The school was cleaned, though all the vegan students who’d showed up for the rally were questioned about any kind of explosives they may have tried to sabotage the meat truck with and the news settled in on a gas line story. Saturday arrived, and the trio all met up in the park. Away from all the dog walkers, readers and normal people having fun outside, Danny Tucker and Sam stood in a small clearing of trees, a few chipmunks shifting around above their heads and in the bushes.

“Tuck, you got the reports?”

“Roger. Sam, got your wrist ray ready?”

“Of course. Danny, remind me to tell your parents they’re awesome for making most of their stuff solar powered.”

“They hadn’t figured out how to tap the afterlife for energy yet, it’s the most efficient thing we got.” Danny shrugged. He pulled out the thermos, which hummed beneath his fingers with the contained energy of Agatha inside. Sam and Tucker couldn't feel it, so he chalked that up to another ghost thing. “Alright, Agatha, if you’re ready to talk to us, I’m gonna let you out now.” The thermos offered no response. Danny opened it anyway.

The bark on the trees darkened, the leaves turning grey and the branches and bushes rustling as birds and squirrels left in a hurry. The air turned colder and sharper, and the sunlight dimmed as green spilled out of the thermos and stained the air. Agatha took shape quickly, though her glow was dimmer than it had been before. Her eyes raked across all three of them and narrowed. “Well, children? You kept rambling on and on about talking whenever I tried to get out. What’s so important that you didn’t put me back in the Ethereal Plane?”

Tucking the name of the other side in the back of his mind, Danny offered his best-placating smile. It disarmed most teachers back when he wasn’t having as many problems, he was hoping it’d work here too. “Agatha, hi. I’m Danny, this is Tucker and Sam. I feel like we got off on the worst foot before, what with you trying to kill us and all.” Tucker elbowed him in the ribs and Danny shoved him back. The buzzing in the air grew louder, his skin tingled, and some small part of his brain kept screaming to shoot, to run, to do anything that could get this thing that did not belong away from him. “So, I understand why you were angry.”

“You, Sam, changed the menu to just one food group!” Agatha’s voice was rising to those terrible echoes in the mind, and the tiny voice got louder. Still it was ignored.

“I understand now that it was probably a bad idea. No one’s been going to the line in the cafeteria all week except fellow vegans,” Sam grumbled. “Still though, some change needed to happen. The cafeteria wasn’t giving us any healthy foods!” Sam was a good actress when it came to her voice. She sounded unafraid, ready to argue for hours. Danny could feel something off though.

“And healthy diets aren’t exactly easy to come by if you don’t put a lot of effort into it nowadays.” Tucker held out a sheaf of papers. “This, Miss Reece, is a report on the various health crises around the country because of the food they’re feeding us.” The papers were taken and Tucker let out as subtle a breath as possible. “I don’t agree with changing the menu to just one food group, no one in their right mind would. But I think we should still change things up. Is there any way you can help us do that?”

There was a long beat of quiet, where all that Danny could hear was the sizzle of patties on a grill, the crunch of lettuce being pulled apart, the chopping of a knife on a cutting board the came with Agatha’s presence. It was in the background of everything unless he focused. It was still there though, and it was so distracting with everything else happening. Agatha read, frown deepening as she did before she handed the reports on obesity and diabetes increasing in children of their ages and lower back to Tucker. “Alright,” she started, then stopped. A superfluous breath. She looked to Danny. “Well, I suppose that I was a tad extreme about everything. How about this?” She held out her hand, and above her glove, the green light that seemed to shine in all directions from her coalesced into the form of a burger. “I’m not sure they’ll accept me in the school kitchens again but I’m certainly able to make a meal for everyone.”

“That’s amazing!” Tucker crowed. “I’ve already sent a few texts and set up some online polls to find out what most people actually want out of their lunch, maybe you can help us with finding ingredients around Amity? Do you have a food sense?”

“Even if they don’t let you into the school’s kitchen you could still probably find a soup kitchen that’d definitely let you in,” Sam offered. “If you can create food from basically nothing, then I see no reason for them to turn you away.”

“Plus, since ectoplasm draws energy from heat and electricity, you can probably just relax in the sun and be able to pull out a full course meal.” Danny took in his friends’ curious looks and scratched the back of his neck. “My parents are the world’s best ghost scientists. I just asked them.”

“I’ll certainly look into that soup kitchen idea dearies,” Agatha said with a bright smile on her face. “For now though, I should be getting back to the Astral Plane. Sunlight is a nice substitute but after all that fighting I need a quick break.”

“I can get you back there without my parents noticing,” Danny offered.

“I only need to be invisible for that, dear,” Agatha assured them and faded out of sight. The chill and fading of the clearing dissipated, and Tucker and Sam relaxed visibly.

“Well,” Danny said as he pulled his notebook out of his bag. “That’s one ghost down.” He hoped it wouldn’t be too many till he convinced his parents.

Ao3

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fizzielilian · 5 years ago

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(Here’s something for my RP account. It was submitted to this account)

𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒 .

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 . Nathalia Estrella Soylette

𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐂𝐇 .

# of spoken languages: 1 / 2 / 3 + (English, Spanish, Amazonian) tone of voice : high / average / deep accent : yes: New England/Maine American / sometimes / conditionally ( feigned ) / soft / no/ Colombian

demeanor: confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other posture : slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed (when stoned) habits: head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at distance

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐓𝐘 .

vocabulary: ◼ ◼ ◼ emotion : ◼ ◼ ◼ sentence structure : ◼ ◼

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘 .

frequency : ◼ ◼ ◼ creativity : ◼ ◼ ◼ ◼ bold all that apply : arse. ass. asshole. bastard. bitch. bloody. bugger. bollocks. chicken shit. crap. cunt. dick. fakakta. frick. fuck. horseshit. motherfucker. piss. prick.putz. schmuck. screw. shmegegge. shit. shitass. son of a bitch. twat. wanker. Bullshit. Cocksucker. given proper religious context : christ on a bike. christ on a cracker. damn. goddamn. godsdamn. (bloody) hell. holy shit. jesus. jesus christ. jesus h christ. jesus h. roosevelt christ. lord sithis have mercy. jesus, mary and joseph. sweet jesus.

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 .

contractions or enunciation ? straightforward and cryptic ? jargon or toned ? complexity or simplicity ? finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind ? masculinity , neutrality , or femininity ? formalities (when she was queen) and abrasiveness ? praise or equivocation ? frankness or lies ? name-calling or magnanimity ?

𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 .

do people have a hard time understanding your character ? almost always / frequently / sometimes (accent thick when angry) / rarely / never does your character’s point come across clearly when they speak ? almost always / sometimes / rarely / never would your character initiate conversations ? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never would your character be the one to end conversations ? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never would your character use whom in a sentence ? yes / no / only ironically your character wants to make a counterpoint , what word do they use ? but / though / although / however / perhaps / mayhaps how does your character end conversations ? walk away / ask if that’s everything / say that that’s everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they’re done here / remain quiet / they don’t how does your character address others ? titles / first names / surnames / full names / nicknames what social class would others assume your character belongs to , hearing them speak? ?upper / middle / lower in what ways does the way your character speak stand out to others ? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / speed / it doesn’t/ Other:

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voidselfshipp · 2 years ago

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“i may not know what i am anymore. But i know who i am”

“i saw her hand reaching down for me, and i knew i had to take it”

《♡♡♡♡》

FOR ONCE THE COLOR COMPRESSION DIDNT FUCK ME OVER. IT ACTUALLY LOOKS GOOD.

♡Name: Jerico Lazaro Alvarez

♡Age: 20

♡Abilities♡

♡Class: offense

♡genderfluid/bisexual/polyamorous

-> Nebula:

♡Born in: Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Deploy a cloud of Galaxy as a smoke screen

->Blinding Star:

Throw a stunning orb of light.

-> Sunray Bow

Shoot various arrows made of sunlight. As a secondary ability you can shoot a charged arrow that deals more damage.

♡Abilities (Jericannon. Aka actual cannon)♡

-> speaking with animals

->shapeshifting (animals)

-> wall phasing + invisibility (can make people just dont perceive her)

->Empath powers (can feel others feelings)

->Flight (aka fuck gravity)

->Speaking with animals (Applies to kirikos Fox spirit and hanzo/genjis dragons)

-> super speed

->"Sunlight form" (full on cosmic being)

Biography:

Hailing from Buenos Aires, Argentina, "supernova" was raised as the oldest sibling of four, shes fiercely protective of them and those she considers family.

They powers were given by a an entity they reffer to as "Estrella" (star in spanish). On their fifteenth birthday, while staring at the stars they heard a voice call forth to them, saying "of all the humans I met youre the most bright soul of all of them, your strenght,your adaptability, yes, you are a perfect vessel for my power, use it Wisely, sunlight", And saw a hand reaching down for them, it was massive, they took the beings hand and passed out.

He was found by agent Genji after various witnesses from around the world reported similar sightings of "the Sky opening up" galaxies visible even with light pollution, a flash of light running through the streets and sounds of animals that werent Native to the region.

Genji convinced Xem to join Overwatch, promising xem and xeir family would be well taken care of.

《♡♡♡♡》

Taglist: @tex-treasures @malewifepatrickbateman @mercuryships

Only mutuals allowed to reblog.

#☀️🌌 i may not know what i am. but i know who i am| over//watch s/i🌌☀️#ask to tag.

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guidingthulite · 6 years ago

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Hey did you know that when I was away I made a bunch of headcanons

Did you also know I forget to post them everyday

- Hamano was, technically, the first one to confess, but he decided to do it in such a casual manner that Hayami thought he was kinda joking (he probably did it after training or while they were fishing), but Hamano kept saying 'I love you' over and over, and Hayami, being who he is, just turned his head around, saying 'okay, okay' or just plain blushing and walking away. It was one day they were walking back home that Hamano tried to confess once more, only for Hayami to be annoyed because he 'didn't mean it seriously' and that he 'should stop playing with his feelings'. But Hamano stopped walking, held Hayami's hand and looked at his eyes, and with a serious expression he said 'But I do love you. For real'. And at first Hayami couldn't stop staring at Hamano, but then realization hit him and Hamano was the only thing he COULDN'T look at. Long story short, it was a mess, but at least they were dating now

- I've written so many confession fics on my head this is like one out of a million

- The only way for Hamano to study is having Hayami near, because he would leave it for later to never really do it, and Hayami insists that he does, and that they won't really do anything else until they're both done with homework/studying - And speaking about that, Hamano is good at History, because it's something that Hayami loves (when they were studying ancient China Hamano discovered that Hayami knew more than any teacher. Ever. Isn't he so cool) and when he rambles about it Hamano tries to pay as much attention as he can, and something always stays with him, so it's easier studying History

- HAVE I MENTIONED THAT HAMANO HAS CANONICALLY WRITTEN POETRY CAUSE. HE DEFINITELY HAS WRITTEN SOMETHING FOR HAYAMI

- These two planned their wedding when they were children, Hamano brought it up some random day and Hayami was embarrased because 'we were children we didn't really know i mean i don't think we're getting married anyways' and Hamano basically excitedly screams that 'no!!! We'll marry because we love each other! And we will wear pretty dresses! And we'll invite the whole team! And the fishing lady!' so they spent the whole afternoon planning it over again (only one thing was clear after the planning: Kurama would be the flower boy)

- Hayami once called Hamano 'Kaiji' accidentaly and both of them died internally

- Hamano is SOOOOOOOO into the idea of double/group dates. It all started when Ichino and Aoyama called them over for a group thing and since then he has loved hanging out with other couples

. - ... Which obviously led to Hamano wanting to hang out with Minaho and Manabe - And Hayami was okay with it but internally he was hella nervous because Minaho and Hamano are VERY good friends and he has only talked to Manabe like... Twice, maybe, when Earth Eleven came back and they held a party n stuff, so he thought that the date would be basically Minaho and Hamano talking about whatever while he and Manabe stared at each other awkwardly

- But the double date was fun and everyone talked to everyone and Hayami found out that Minaho and Manabe are really really really nice people to hang around - So they hung out more often (but not that often because Minaho and Manabe live away, sob)

- and they started dating each other. and kurama. and kurama is also dating hikaru and kariya too. kurama has a lot of boyfriends

- Hayami is actually very into videogames, specially rhythm ones and RPG's (story heavy ones in general). He introduced Hamano to the Rhythm Heaven franchise because he thought he would love the quirkiness of it

. - AND HE DID HE LOVES RHYTHM HEAVEN SO MUCH. Hayami bought him The Best+/Megamix for his birthday and Hamano almost choked him because he hugged him too thightly

- Because I'm obvious, at some point Minaho, Manabe, Hamano and Hayami go to England for their honeymoon and Hayami and Minaho have to make sure the other two are with them all they time because they are absolutely horrible at English and they can't be left alone

- Hamano and Hayami have sleepovers all the time. And there was a time when both were super awkward around each other because they were starting to fall for each other and were sUPER SLOW to realize. So anyways, Hayami told Hamano to sleep somewhere else and at first he did go to another room but sometime later he came back because 'Hayami if I want to see you early in the morning I'll just get up earlier and come here but if I stay I want to wake up with you and all...'

- You can pinpoint the moment Hayami died internally. - But he agreed. And while he was sleeping lying on Hamano's chest he Realized™

- fuck i should write that

- Speaking of Hamano and Hayami being slow, my brother and I have this AU in which Kurama is Hamano and Hayami's son, and a time traveller who came to this time to ensure those two get together so he can exist in the future and all

- Kinako and him bonded over being time travellers sent to take care of family members and then both joined the Shorty Brigade with Shinsuke and Konoha

- Also he has a younger sister named Estrella (I like to nickname her Suta for some reason)

- i think suta is a boy name heck

- Hamano can carry Kurama and Hayami at the same time. He's quite proud of that.

- Okay so some people talk about Tsunami adopting Hamano but hear me out. NORIKA ADOPTING HAMANO. [And now the best headcanon is Kogure and Haruna adopting Hamano]

- I somehow have the headcanon that Hayami likes Vocaloid and my mind jumped to him dressed as Hatsune Miku save my soul

- I recall Kurama saying something on the games that made me think he likes wearing skirts/dresses but I can't remember what it was

- But yeah Kurama likes wearing skirts and dresses

- I looked for it and now I know. (This is what he said on the Spanish ver and through time and experience I learned that translation differ from each other... A lot) They were talking about the Middle Age clothes (when they went to Jeanne's time n stuff) and Kurama just said that 'I don't know, it's like wearing a dress, right?' and it gave off such a casual vibe that I started that headcanon

- Maybe I'm reading into it too much

- But he would look adorable in dresses don't lie to me

- When they grow up, Hamano works as a preeschool teacher and Hayami works as a biology/history teacher, in higher levels of education of course - Au in which all 5 of my ot5 work as teachers. Manabe is obviously a math teacher. Kurama can take the biology away from Hayami idk, he likes animals. My Philosophy teacher sorta reminds me of Minaho so there but he could also teach Psychology

- The whole school starts suspecting about Hamano and Hayami because _why would a preeschool teacher hang around teachers who teach (? older kids_ but then Kurama comes along, and then Minaho and then Manabe and aaaaaa

- The whole school ships it. There used to be arguments regarding who matched better with who but they kind of died when all 5 started dating. There were discussions regarding who the cutest were, though

- On the alternate timeline where Sakka is Dead and no one joined the Sakka club, Hayami starts dating Aoyama.

- But it feels weird because even though he really likes Aoyama he gets this feeling that it's just because he's the closest person he has.

- And there's this guy on his class, Hamano. He is a rather quiet kid (although some of his classmates would beg to differ) and sometimes he asks for his eraser or tells him good morning when he arrives and it's so SO weird, because he feels as if he SHOULD know him, and he SHOULD feel a certain when he looks at Hamano or when he talks to him, like they knew each other but forgot, like they have or had something together. But if they ever had something, it's gone.

- And this other guy, Kurama, who is on his class too. He's quite rude, stubborn and doesn't really talk to anyone unless he is required to. The kind of person Hayami doesn't really like, and yet, for some reason, he can't get angry at him. He has caught himself smiling at how the smaller boy pouted when he couldn't answer a question correctly. Sometimes, he'll look at his only visible eye (what kind of fashion statement is that, Hayami wonders) and see things deeper than just the black that it seemed to have.

- I JUST LOVE THAT ALTERNATE TIMELINE SO MUCH IT'S TOO ANGSTY SOB - But Hamano and Hayami do end up meeting each other, they sit together for a whole month. - Hamano makes Hayami laugh at one point and he's like 'bjmljgxfbc who are you why is your laugh so cute omg why can't you laugh more often your smile is so precious too i'm sOB'

- Hayami is flustered because 'what he said wasn't even that funny wHY AM I LAUGHING SO MUCH' but he can't really stop and aAAAAA

- But after sitting together they don't really talk that much because yeah, being with one another was fun but there is really nothing that ties them together, so they lose contact

- Oh look at that I can write angst after all. Nice.

- On a not so sad note, Hamano is the biggest fan of cuddles and affection in general ever on existence (or at least out of his boyfriends) like he could be walking down the street with Kurama and he has to hold his hand and give him a kiss on the forehead (Kurama hisses at him but he feels blessed he's just not really into showing it) or fishing with Hayami when he tells him to sit on his lap (or just outright goes and sits on Hayami's) before resuming fishing (Hayami hesitates a bit to put his arms around Hamano but when he does Hamano and I thinks it's the cutest thing) or hanging out with Minaho on his room and he hugs Minaho so thightly and Minaho pets his hair and hugs him back, or reading with Manabe when he puts his head on Manabe's shoulder, and Manabe has to close the book because he's getting sleepy as well so they lay down and cuddle together until they've both fallen asleep.

- Then one of the other three comes to join them.

- Usually the first one is Kurama, and because he is the smallest and thus the most huggable he is always in the middle. Then it's Hayami, who takes off Manabe's glasses because sOMEHOW he forgot to take them off to sleep. He unties his hair and lays wherever he's closest to. He's tired. Minaho is mostly the last one because he's a night owl eEHEHEHEHE. He gives everyone night kisses on the forehead and falls asleep quite fast, actually.

- THEY'RE SO BLESSED AND I'M SOB

- Speaking of Hamano getting sleepy, he can't go on long bus trips without falling asleep. Cars, maybe, but for some reason he can't go through a long bus trip without falling asleep.

- Poor Hayami knows this better than anyone. It's like Hamano KNOWS when a trip is going to be long even if no one told him so. And he uses Hayami's shoulder as a pillow. Always. Well, not always, there was one time where the bus moved a biiiiit too much and Hamano fell to his lap

- He didn't wake up because he's THAT powerful

- Anyways, Hayami just stared at him for a few second, then REALIZATION hit him like a truck, and he hoped no one was watching him. On the seats before them, Ichino and Aoyama, both of them sleeping, safe. Seats behind them, the managers, who looked too into their conversation to notice. And the only one he should be worrying about was Akane, who had a camera, but it was okay, he only took pictures of Shindou, apparently. So, safe too.

- And, finally, the seats next to them... Oh, Shinsuke and Tenma, right, they looked interested in their current conversation topic, so safe... Or so he thought because Tenma is shipping trash too, I mean, have you seen how he acts with Aki regarding Ichinose? He ships it, because they looked at him, stared for a bit, gave him a thumbs up and resumed their conversation.

- Hayami has never felt so embarrased.

- And I mean, he could try putting him back lying on his shoulder, but the willpower needed to do that is something that he lacked right now

- So Hamano spent the whole trip sleeping on Hayami's lap

- OR SO WE THOUGHT

- Hamano wasn't asleep when he fell on Hayami's lap, but hey, it was comfortable and Hayami was petting his hair so he might just stay there.

- When he woke up again he looked at Hayami's eyes and said 'Good morning~' like nothing happened and like it was morning

- Hayami's favorite Inazuma Japan member is Kazemaru since he is so fast and graceful, and seemed quite capable too (Although he likes Kidou too, his gamemaking helped Inazuma win. So talented.), Kurama's is Toramaru, because he was the smallest of the team but that didn't stop him from being a great forward, even rivalling the forever-more-popular Gouenji (plus he learns Tiger Drive on Chrono Stones isn't that precious) and Hamano's is obviously Tsunami.

- He even started wearing goggles everywhere since he was a smallie because of him. When they actually met Tsunami was so happy like 'tACHIMUKAI CHECK THIS KID OUT HE'S SUCH A GOOD KID WE SHOULD ADOPT HIM' to which Tachi replies 'Tsunami, you already said you wanted to adopt Tenma, you're going to adopt everyone at this rate' 'YOU ADOPTED SHINSUKE TOO IT'S NOT LIKE TENMA WOULD BE AN ONLY CHILD IF WE ADOPTED HIM' 'Tsumami that's a totally different thing, I just told you that I like Shinsuke's determ-' 'Plus I can't adopt everyone, Tachi! If I ever dared to adopt Kidou's little penguin baby he would kill me!'

- Hamano was just looking at them half 'What is even going on anymore' and half 'TSUNAMI, THE TSUNAMI JOUSUKE WANTS TO ADOPT ME???'

- Hayami is an only son, Kurama has a baby sibling and Hamano is the middle sibling out of three, and the only boy

- that's not me proyecting onto hamano what are you talking about. and headcanoning him as gay instead of bi like everyone else does is not either

- Hayami's parents are not home often so he's home alone most time.

- Or that would be, except Hamano visits a lot or brings him to his house. He has lunch and dinner there most days. And those sleepovers I mentioned earlier? Every weekend, at least once.

- Hamano's family loves Hayami a lot and when they knew they were dating they got so happy they prepared a party

- Hamano's big sister was on first name basis with Hayami before his lil bro

- Hamano lowkey complained about it but his sister just went 'yOU'RE CLOSER TO HIM THAN ME JUST DO IT HE'LL BE FINE WITH IT YOU SLOW DUMMY'

- He wasn't

- 'JNBMCJXJFGHDJHDHCHUVNKGD' - their internal thoughts

- Hamano is close to the Managers, specially Akane

- They have no idea how they came to be this way but they're super close

- Akane roasts Hamano on a daily basis (and that fact is canon) and Hamano tries to get back at her somehow

- 'I could try holding her camera up so she can't reach it'

- Then he remembers he's smaller than Akane

- 'I could ask Hayami to hold it up for me'

- But Hayami didn't want to

- So he asked Kurama to sit on his shoulders because short people STACK together

- Kurama thought it was dumb

- Hamano was a sad bean

- OKAY BUT IMAGINE. Hamano has lots of pics on his wall and half are from Akane and the other half are ones he took himself because Akane taught him The Ways Of Photography

- AKANE DOING HAMANO'S HAIR

- They're on first name basis

- Hamano is actually pretty decent at cooking, specially pastries - Since Kurama absolutely LOVES sweets if he happens to cook some he'll give them to Kurama (and sometimes to Hayami but while he does like sweets he's more on the salty side) - Kurama just dismisses it and says they're okay but he really likes Hamano's sweets

- And Hamano can read him like an open book so he knows too - His face lights up and it's the cutest thing Hamano has ever seen

- Me: I should find a shorter name minamanahamahayakura is too long Me: Uhhh... MiNaHaYaKu Me: [realizes] hOLY SHIT AHAHAHA

- "Minahayaku" - Hayami to everyone, probably

#hamano kaiji #inazuma eleven go #inazuma eleven #hayami tsurumasa #yamana akane #hamahaya #uhhhhhhhhhhh #more people i'm lazy to tag...#my mess #alma writes #FINALLY POSTED #these are mostly hamano/hamahaya and a few platonic hamano/akane and some ot5 goodness

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encountersincamperland · 6 years ago

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Surfing the Dunes of Estremadura from Sao Martinho to Nazaré

Running from the the Spanish border in the north you have what seems like hundreds of miles of Atlantic beach, broken only by estuaries, framed by low dunes which have been colonised by hardy plants. The vegetation is there to anchor the sand against the onslaught of big ocean breakers which would otherwise invade the land behind the dunes. A lot of effort has gone into creating the optimum conditions for the growth of the plants in what is otherwise a hostile environment.

On this coast, Sao Martinho da Porto is an attractive little town about 50 miles north of Lisboa, that sits in a bay shaped quite like Lulworth cove. Except of course this is Portugal where the sand is finer, the temperature more mellow, the houses white with blue painted timber and red tiled roofs, and the ubiquitous ceramic tiles with abstract patterns and figurative scenes. This was the place we decided to pitch at and we ended up staying there three days.

One of the days I wanted to go up to Nazaré and check the town as it is famed for its surfing and patronised by global surfers looking for the big waves that are common in that area. I was set on cycling the distance which is about ten kilometres.

The ride out of Sao Martinho on the back road is straight up for several kilometres and it's a bit teeth gritting at times but worth it for the views back down to the long, long beach below. I could see that just behind the low dunes that back the sea there was a brown dirt track. As Nazaré is situated on a river at sea level I wondered if I could save myself the inevitable climb out of the town on my way back if I took that track. Several kilometres later I made my descent to the river and crossed it and came round a bend into the town.

The first place you come to is the marina which harbours both working and pleasure boats. The dockside area has been laid out as if on a grid for new build. Instead there's an abandoned air, as if demolition rather than construction has occurred. But this was Republic day, a public holiday, and there were enough businesses in place to suggest that there would be more activity after the weekend.

My bike can handle off road and the soft traction of the fine sand, up to a point so I went over to the dunes and along the harbour mole to the lighthouse at the end. Whatever the wild reputation the sea has here, on this day it was as well behaved as a class of kids in front of their head teacher. This was tested by a jet skier who headed for the open sea at full throttle, sending his own waves either side.

Up on the wall a sprinkling of anglers were casting to sea. As I cycled to the harbour end I was put off the huge concrete blocks chucked and stacked to protect the wall. They looked like gigantic trig points upended and locked or not locked together depending on how they landed. They looked messy and inelegant but probably very effective against a powerful sea that would not find it easy to shift them.

I cycled back round the harbour and along the road further into the town. Nazaré is not a great looking place. It has a big beach but there is no wall to separate it from the pavement. While too much demarcation put me off the harbour, the lack of it here put me off the promenade. Holiday strollers ambled up and down wondering what to spend their money on next and a constant flow of traffic looking for parking reminded me of Brighton. I didn't like it and decided to leave.

So back to the harbour with the hope that I might be able to find that track and save myself an up and down journey. But of course there was the river between me and my road south and the only crossing was the bridge on the N242. After following various destinationless tracks around the dunes I went back the way I had come. It was ok though. I was enjoying the exercise, the wind, and just being on the track.

The way took me back to the semi industrial units of the harbour fisheries. Against the wall that holds back the dune I noticed the graffiti I had ignored the first time. Closer inspection showed it had been done by the crews of various craft that had put into Nazaré over the last twenty years or so, with crude renditions of their boats and tag lines. There were people here from Finland, Ireland, Nigeria,Sweden and the dates they had come. On one there was a caption something like: They said you left it much too late. But you said Biscay's just a bay. I wondered what might have happened. Had someone been lost at sea and this a memorial to the loss?

I crossed back over the bridge and as the main road bent round to the left, to the right there was a rough road with a sign pointing out that there was a ruin of a church called Igreja de Sao Giao along the way. I didn't have high hopes for the church when the way to it was a very broken cobbled trail, reducing to dried mud and then sand. I took it. I had to get off and walk the bike, at times climbing up dunes, a good work out I thought as the sweat poured through my shirt. But then the track would reassert itself and my hopes would increase. So past cultivated fields interspersed with scrub and bush, cane and pampas grass I carried on, not accepting this road might run out and I would have to retrace my tracks. Besides I hadn't got to the church yet. The track would at least take me there surely.

I got to the church and was bemused, as it looked like the wreck of an old adobe farm house, something that might have been left over from the set of 'The Magnificent Seven'. What was so special about this that it warranted a sign luring unsuspecting travellers? It did have a low wall of ten arches or so, that looked like it might have had some attempt at restoration. And someone had put a corrugated cover over it such as you'll see in any suburban street when builders are reroofing a house. But that was it.

Later I looked it up, and get this, it's reputedly one of the oldest churches in Portugal, dating back to pre Visigoth times, discovered in 1961 and classified as a National Monument. This isn't just a title. A building has to be assessed as to whether it is given the status of a National Monument. This one seemed to have faded back into the fauna after the initial excitement at its discovery. Maybe it was considered sanctified enough to look after itself. Comments on Trip adviser suggested it is privately owned. Time to nationalise a National Monument I am thinking.

I left the church behind wondering what Sao Giao might make of it all and carried on the track which became less defined as I went with me reduced to walking the bike, slipping back through the deep, soft sand that filled my sandals.

Then I met a jut of hill, and as the man said, there was no ignoring it. I had to climb it. So what I had tried to avoid had come to meet me. Up I went, this time too steep and too rutted to cycle and made my way towards Praia do Salgado. I didn't know this was its name at the time and a closer look at google maps shows the road runs out here except the one you takes you up the hill which also takes you back towards Nazaré! Well let it be I thought, and went down to the beach thinking what the hell, I'll take that hill on from the bottom.

On the beach people were making ready for going home. Signs saying no dogs on the sand didn't stop the disobedience of a dog owner and his big hound going on, while from the beach came another with her pert little mutt. People wiped sand from their feet and repacked the boots of their cars. It was like a klaxon had blown telling everyone to leave. As I turned and tackled the hill they passed me almost in a convoy with farts of exhaust from their cars adding pollution to the sea air my heaving chest was sucking in. This made me more determined to get to the top. And dear reader I am proud to say I made it without having to get off and walk, and found myself on the road I had originally gone to Nazaré on.

And not only that it was all down hill for, as you will remember, several kilometres. Well I must have hit 40mph on the way down as I hardly touched the brakes and I was back at the campsite in no time, sitting drinking an Estrella and recounting my tale to Madeleine.

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tarjaturunenfansource · 7 years ago

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" Único concierto europeo… en MIJAS, naturalmente ;-) El Equipo MIJAS NATURAL (Beauty & Hair) encargado del MUA & Hair de nuestra Diva y Madrina TARJA TURUNEN, en un magnífico concierto con MARJUT KUHNHENN, JUHA KOSKELA y ANU RAUTAKOSKI en el TEATRO LAS LAGUNAS el próximo 16 de Mayo. Entradas en http://www.elcorteingles.es/entradas/conciertos-y-festivales/entradas-noche-escandinava-iii-mijas-0000086HX0000086HJ00000853Q 3.40 TV MIJAS NOTICIAS: https://youtu.be/Rri1h-p2hFg TARJA TURUNEN: “While I was studying in Karlsruhe´s Music University, in Germany, in 2002, I became interested in performing Scandinavian and Finnish songs for the Latin American audience. I gathered information about these countries and realized that composers like J.Sibelius or E.Grieg were not so familiar outside the classical music lovers on a more popular level. As I was particularly studying German lied music, I felt there might be a chance to let them know a bit of my music. I spoke with two friends of mine, Ingvild and Marjut and we decided to start organizing a small tour in South America. As a pianist, our dear friend Izumi wanted to join us. Noche Escandinava means Scandinavian Night in Spanish. The reason why we chose this name was obvious at that time: the concerts were going to happen in Argentina and Chile, both Spanish speaking countries. As well, even though we were two Finnish singers and a Norwegian one, the program was going to be based in Scandinavian songs (Norway, Sweden, etc). It was a great success and we felt that the idea behind all this had been achieved. For the second edition of Noche Escandinava, during April and May 2004, we had a change in the line up: Ingvild Storhaug was replaced by Juha Koskela (Finnish baritone) and the repertoire this time, was based entirely on songs from Finnish composers. We decided not to change the name of the group anymore, because so many people knew us already as Noche Escandinava. Finland is not a part of Scandinavia, but despite of that, we wanted to keep our touring name as it was before. It is now, finally, the time for a third tour of Noche Escandinava”. Más info en http://tarjaturunen.com/class/noche-escandinava-mijas/ Evento en FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/events/880018645512789/ MIJAS NATURAL Beauty CLINIC & Hair ★ CLÍNICA MÉDICO-ESTÉTICA & TEMPLO DEL CABELLO en MIJAS PUEBLO (Málaga / ESPAÑA) [email protected] / 952 590 823 BEAUTY CLINIC & HAIR, specialized in style, make up, advanced beauty treatments (Aesthetic Medicine) and image consultancy. A place to feel well in, a small oasis of peace where Beauty becomes a reflection of Health and Wholeness. Los mejores profesionales en el campo de la MEDICINA ESTÉTICA: excelencia, calidad y exclusividad. Luz, belleza y trato exquisito en un entorno especial. Centro LPG ENDERMOLOGIE Certified Quality (última generación en aparatología y formación experta) en Andalucía. DMC Radiofrecuencia y Mesoterapia, Fotodepilación IPL Laser, MICROBLADING y Técnico Recomendado AEM en MICROPIGMENTACIÓN (Semi Permanent Makeup) entre los 10 mejores de ESPAÑA. Centro exclusivo REDKEN 5th AVENUE SALON (sólo 10 en Andalucía) y Salón Embajadores KÉRASTASE AMBASSADORS. Con marcas como KERATIN, GHD, ENVIRON, ARTDECO, SHELLAC, CORPORA, Dermotricología KAPYDERM, CARITA… en la hermosa y turística Villa de MIJAS. YouTube MIJAS NATURAL (Beauty & Hair) http://www.youtube.com/subscription_center?add_user=MIJASNATURAL MIJAS NATURAL (Beauty & Hair) entre los 12 MAGNÍFICOS de la PELUQUERÍA en ESPAÑA según MUJER HOY, MEDALLA DE ORO de la ASOCIACIÓN ESPAÑOLA DE PROFESIONALES DE LA IMAGEN, ESTRELLA DE ORO del INSTITUTO PARA LA EXCELENCIA PROFESIONAL, SALÓN VIP para la Revista GLAMOUR, TEMPLO DEL CABELLO para VOGUE y uno de los mejores CENTROS DE BELLEZA en España según la prestigiosa Revista de Peluquería PINNI en FINLANDIA ★ VOGUE ★ HOLA ★ ABC ★ GLAMOUR ★ MTV ★ TELECINCO ★ NELONEN ★ CANALSUR ★ ATLASTV ★ DIARO SUR ★ MIJAS COMUNICACIÓN ★ FTV ★ COPE ★ RTV MARBELLA ★ MLG LUXURY MAGAZINE ★ FOTOPLATINO ★ FUENGIROLA.FI ★ OLÉ LEHTI ★ SUOMALAINEN ESPANJASSA ★ LINDA MAGAZINE ★ PHOTOCALL ★ VEVO ★ RADIO SUOMIPOP ★ RADIO PORI ★ SATAKUNNAN KANSA ★ TIKKA TV ★ ILTALEHTI.FI ★ ISKELMÄ ★ PLONKI ★ CLIPFISH ★ RUUTU ★ AMPYA ★ PINNI ★ BAUR & ME ★ FEMME METAL WEBZINE ★ MÁLAGA FILM OFFICE ★ FINNRADIO ★ MUJERHOY http://www.mujerhoy.com/Belleza/Tratamientos/magnificos-peluqueria-728600052013.html Contamos con un departamento de Psicología Clínica y Transpersonal MENADEL (Frasco Martín) https://www.facebook.com/menadel.psicologia 607725547 Además, si te apuntas a nuestro EVENTO FACEBOOK “MIJAS NATURAL (Beauty & Hair) regala un Cambio de Look” y eres FAN de nuestra WEBFACE https://www.facebook.com/naturalmijas podrás participar en nuestro SORTEO y conseguir un fantástico CAMBIO de LOOK ;-) " - Mijas Natural via Facebook

#tarja #tarjaturunen #tarjaofficial #nocheescandinava

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themisadventuresofcando · 7 years ago

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Life #5 (South Park)

Character Sheet

Face Claim:

Basic

Name: Carmencita D. Tweedle

Pronunciation: Car-men-SEE-tuh

Meaning: Little Song

Nicknames: Carmen, Tweedle Dee, Mutt, Snow Bunny

Name Origins:

Carmen: Shortened from Carmen

Tweedle Dee: Used with Tweedle Dum, Middle Initial, and Last Name

Mutt: Racial Slur for Mixed Race (I will actually beat that living shit out of you if you call me this AHEM Cartman AHEM)

Snow Bunny: A weird combination of my love of snow and Kenny’s love of Playboy Bunnies

Titles: N/A

Aliases: Princess Kenny’s Personal Knight, Estrella

Alias Origin: Games with The Boys

Orientation: Heterosexual

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Date of Birth: June 4th

Star Sign: Gemini

Birth Flower: Rose

Meaning: True Love

Birthstone: Pearl

Meaning: Purity

Species: Human

Affiliation: Humans, Freedom Pals

Social Status: Middle Class

Dead?: Eventually

How?: This is South Park probably really stupidly

Last Words: “SHIT!!! WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!!”

Appearance

Eye Color: Grey-Blue

Glasses/Contacts: Glasses

Skin Tone: Pale with Freckles

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Hair Length: Just Past Shoulder

Hair Type: Curly

Hairstyle: Ponytail Normally,

Loose When Estrella,

Braids When Knight

Height: 5’1 (Yes, I’m short… only means i’m closer to hell)

Body Build: Skinny and Scrawny

Notable Features: N/A

Piercings: N/A

Tattoos: N/A

Scars: Small Mark on Left Cheek

Birthmarks: Thigh

Wardrobe

Style: Casual and Warm

Favorite Outfit: Dark Blue Coat Lined with Dark Grey Fur, Blue Jeans with Black Star Pattern, Black Fur Lined Boots, Grey Gloves with Ugly Sweater Pattern, Gray Knit Hat with Dark Grey Poof, Black Moschino Backpack with Optimus Prime Bear, Star Ring

Formal Outfit: Black Off Shoulder Asymmetrical Dress, Black Kitten Heels, Black Shoulder Bag with Silver Star Print, Silver Star Necklace, Silver Star Bracelet, Silver and Pearl Star Clip On Earrings, Silver Star Ring

Alter Ego Outfit:

Stick of Truth: Grey Tank Top Cut and Sewn Together with Shoe String, Long Sleeve Black Shirt, Black Hoodie, Black Leggings, Black Boots, Plastic Champion Belt, Plastic Gauntlets, Toy Bow and Arrow

Freedom Pals: Black Tank Top, Blue Galaxy Skater Skirt, Black Tights, Black Leather Jacket with Silver Star Pattern, Black Sneakers with Gold Star Pattern, Multiple Silver and Gold Star Bangles, Black Choker with Dangling Silver Stars, Silver Star Crossbody Bag, Silver Star Headband, Silver Star Ring, Black Lace Masquerade Mask

Accessories: Silver Star Ring

Scent: Vanilla, Green Tea

Relationships

Mother/Mother Figure: Roxane Tweedle

Relationships:

My mother is a very strange woman. She is very paranoid and always moving around the town. She is very attentive to my sister and I’s needs and tends to try to give us anything we could want (which doesn’t mean we actually want it). Whatever time she spends with us usually driving us around to wherever it is we’re going and it’s usually spent with us all terribly singing along to the radio and laughing. Mom isn’t one to want to sit and listen to us or to give us advice as she has a short attention span (probably where Olivia gets it from). She might not be the best mother but she does try and I still love her.

Father/Father Figure: Jackson Tweedle

Relationships:

My father, on the other hand, tends to love to sit and listen to (gossip with) us. He loves to try and smother with us with anything we ask for (Olivia and I honestly made it a game to see how far he would go to get us what we wanted… he has to fail). Dad is just as paranoid as mom is but he hides it a lot better. He was also the one that signed me up for martial arts which caused a huge argument between parents. My dad has been known to also beat the shit out of anyone who dares insult us or my mother (probably where I got it from).

Brothers/Brother Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Sisters/Sister Figures: Olivia Tweedle

Relationships:

As dumb as Olivia can be, she is a very loyal friend and sister. I have, obviously, known her my entire life and she has never let me down (In terms of loyalty and reliability not much else). She can deal with my violent tendencies ad overly snarky demeanor. I can (most of the time) deal with her oblivious, careless attitude. We rarely fight and get along better than most sisters do and I’m pretty happy to have her as my sister.

Aunts/Aunt Figures: Nancy Tweak

Relationships:

Aunt Nancy is very sweet. She is always supportive whatever decision we make even if it might not be the right one. She is also pretty good at telling right from wrong and standing up when she thinks we’re doing something terrible. As supportive as she is she doesn’t really listen and is known to just leave us to our devices for long periods of time. She honestly borders on child neglect with how little she pays attention to us or Tweek.

Uncle/Uncle Figures: Richard Tweak

Relationships:

Uncle Richard is much worse than Aunt Nancy. All he cares about is his business and pays no attention to anything any of his family does. That’s not to say he doesn’t care, he does... he just cares more about his coffee shop. He also does anything to boost his shop which includes manipulating us and Tweek to do his bidding. Yeah, I don’t like my uncle.

Cousins/Cousin Figures: Tweek Tweak

Relationships:

I adore my cousin Tweek. As jitter and jumpy as he is I find him absolutely adorable. I’m usually the one to take the late night calls and now late night talks about pressure and Underpants Gnomes. I try to comfort him but it doesn’t always work cuz this kid is riddled with anxiety. When he’s calmer (calmer, NOT calm) he is pretty fun to hang around and his friends are pretty crazy. You wouldn’t think this but Tweek is surprisingly protective of Olivia and I. He has actually attacked some people he thought had hurt us emotionally or physically.

Nieces/Niece Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Nephews/Nephew Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Sons/Son Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Daughter/Daughter Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Current Guardian: The Tweaks

Relationship: I get along well with Aunt Nancy (I mean she tries), I hate uncle Richard (I know for a fact he’s the entire reason for Tweaks anxiety), and I adore Tweak

Current Significant Other: Kenny McCormick

Relationship:

Kenny McCormick was never the boy I saw myself dating. Simply put he was a major player and I wanted commitment.Kenny went around on any girl that moved and I was no exception, however, I was one of the very few who resisted his… charm. That got him interested and he is surprisingly persistent but so am I. It was a long game of cat and mouse where he would find me and drop cheesy pickup lines, offer compliments, and ask me out over and over while I offered sarcastic comment after witty comeback (if I do say so myself). The game turned into a surprisingly close friendship where the flirting got more jokey and less serious, where his true colors showed and that was when I finally caught feeling for the real Kenny McCormick. The overly perverted, vulgar, overprotective big brother Kenny. It didn’t take me to long to ask him on a date and imagine my surprise when this guy decided to actually give a committed relationship a try. I’m glad he did because now I know the jealous, overprotective, poorly timed joke slinging Kenny too. Obviously, we have a very touchy-feely relationship (which is weird because I’m not a big fan of being touched).

People

Mentors:

Advisor: Kyle Broflovski

Confidant: Kyle Broflovski

Teammates:

Stick of Truth: Humans

Fracture But Whole: Freedom Pals

Friends: Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Tweek Tweak, Butters Stotch, Token Black, Craig Tucker, Jimmy Valmer, Timmy Burch, Heidi Turner (I AM going to beat Cartman for what he did), Karen McCormick

Best Friend: Olivia Tweedle

Love Interest: Kenny McCormick

Rivals: Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens

Enemies: Eric Cartman

Person Hated Most: Eric Cartman

Most Important Person: Olivia Tweedle

Awkward Around: Wendy when she breaks up with Stan, Tweek, and Craig when they’re fighting

Admires: Dad, Kyle

Past

Hometown: North Park

Childhood: Pretty normal, lived in a small town, small house, small family. Then, of course, our parents decided to go on some big trip and dump us with relatives for God knows how long.

Childhood Hero: JK Rowling (What? I like Harry Potter)

Most Important Memory: When my parents finally signed me up for martial arts after months of begging OR When I won my elementary school art competition

Present

Current Location: South Park

Living With:

Occupation: Student

Pets: Wiener Dog/Golden Retriever Mix named Oz

Health

General Health: Meh… I tend to get colds every few weeks

Reason: Apparently I have a sucky immune system

Mental Health: I’d say I’m sane, though, according to others that’s up for debate

Reason: I’m violent and pretty loud once I’m comfortable

Sleep Habits: I sleep like a log

Diet: Umm… I’m not on one

Exercise: Martial Arts, I Ride My Bike A Lot

Allergies: Dairy Products

Injuries: I get scrapes and bruises (I’m kind of a klutz)

Disorders: N/A

Deformity: N/A

Disabilities: N/A

Mutations: N/A

Handicaps: N/A

Medication: N/A

Education

School: South Park High School

Best Class: Art

Worst Class: Biology

Sports: Martial Arts

Clubs: Art Club

Languages: Spanish, English

Memory: Ok, I Guess

Abilities (Fracture But Whole)

List of Powers: Stellarkinesis

Moves:

Gravity Slam: Using the force of gravity to slam and hold opponents to the ground (Kick them in the balls/punch in the boob)

Shooting Star: Bringdown a star from space to hit a target (Chuck Firecrackers at them)

Plasma Beam: Use beam of plasma to harm enemies (Shine flashlight in their eyes)

Stellar Healing: Use stardust remaining from destroyed stars to heal teammates (Neosporin and Band-Aids)

Stardust: Use stardust to confuse opponents (Chuck glitter in their faces)

Abilities

Gravity Manipulation (Basically Telekinesis AKA Imagination)

Stardust Manipulation (Glitter)

Plasma Manipulation (Flashlight)

Origin: As a child, I was taken by a space god worshipping cult who attempted to sacrifice me to their god in a special ritual. Instead of dying, the ritual gave me the power to control the stars and become someone who could protect other children from being attacked and suffering my fate,.(AKA I wear star-shaped ring and own a lot of things with star patterns)

Elements: Space

Strengths: Stars, Night, Evasion, Long Range

Weaknesses: Cold, Water, Over-Exertion, “Nightmares from cult experience” (what the hell does that even mean?)

Restrictions: Over-Exertion of Powers

Immunities: Fire, Light, Sun

Combat

Fighting Style: Quick and Hard, Use Opponent's Strength, Momentum, and Weight Against Them

Weapons: Bow and Arrow (Stick of Truth), Hand to Hand

Personality

Good Traits: Loyal, Creative, Smart, Strategic, Athletic (Fast), Funny, Hard to Get Angry, Romantic

Bad Traits: Snarky, Overly Sarcastic, Explosive Temper, Likes to Hide Bad Feelings, Insecure About Glasses and Relationships, Stubborn

Likes: Animals, Art, Martial Arts, Laughing, Family, Games, Friends, Snow, Stars, Silver, Cheesy Romantic Dates, Reading, Cooking

Dislikes: Getting Angry, SOMEONE Insulting My Friends/Family, Swimming, Hunting, Being Touched by Most People

Turn Ons: Dirty Talk, Compliments, Jokes/Cheesy Pick Up Lines, A Little Rough

Turn Offs: Insults, Silence, Lies

Talents: Drawing, Martial Arts

Sense of Humor: Laughs at Just About Anything

Darkest Secret: Loves Cheesy Pick Up Lines

Does Anyone Know? Who?: Olivia and Possibly Kenny

Greatest Fear: Drowning

Why?: Can't Swim

Other Fears: Cartman Finding Out About Insecurities/Fear/That His Words Sometimes Hurt

Why?: Cartman is Cartman

Most at Ease When: With Karen, Kenny, Olivia, Kyle or Butters (or Any Combination)

Most Uncomfortable When: With Literally Anyone's Parents (They’re all so stupid… how are they even parents?)

Enraged When?: SOMEONE (CARTMAN) Insults My Friends/Family

Depressed When?: I Let My Stupid Insecurities Get to Me

Frightened When?: Getting Too Deep in Water

If Granted One Wish What Would It Be?: That I Didn’t Need Glasses

Habits

Hobbies: Art, Martial Arts, Reading

Instrument?: Nope (It'd be cool though)

Sport?: Martial Arts

Spending Habits: Um… If I Get Excited I Just Buy Shit but I MOstly Hate Shopping

Drinks?: NOPE

Smokes?: EW

Drugs?: EXTRA EW

Nervous Tics: Tugging on Earlobe, Chewing Lip

Favorites

Prized Possession: Star Ring

Color: Silver

Song: When The Day Met The Night by PATD

Quote: “Twinkle twinkle little star, do you know how loved you are”

Movie: Peter Pan

Food: Honey Butter Biscuits

Season: Fall

Book: Harry Potter

Genre: Fantasy

Flower: Stargazers

Flavor: Blueberry

Dessert: Blueberry Coffee Cake

Either/Or

Pessimist or Optimist: Optimist

Pacifist or Fighter: Fighter

Introvert or Extrovert: Extrovert

Proud or Humble: Humble

Messy or Tidy: Messy

Risky or Safe: Risky

Strength or Wisdom: Strength

Flashy or Simple: Simple

Long Range or Short Range: Long Range

Cats or Dogs: Dogs

Hot or Cold: Cold

Book or Movie: Movie

Loud or Quiet: Quiet

Logic or Emotion: Emotion

Work or Relax: Relax

Confident or Shy: Confident

Night or Day: Night

Out of 10

Knowledge: 6/10

Wisdom: 5/10

Motivation: 4/10

Agility: 6/10

Power Control: 7/10

Hand to Hand: 8/10

Long Range Accuracy: 6/10

Offense: 7/10

Defense: 4/10

Reflexes: 5/10

Speed: 7/10

Strength: 6/10

Sociability: 5/10

Bravery: 7/10

Confidence: 6/10

Generosity: 5/10

Endurance: 4/10

Evasion: 6/10

Kindness: 5/10

Creativity: 8/10

Charisma: 6/10

Memory: 5/10

Temper: 2/10

Patience: 8/10

#south park #south park oc #south park rp

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iheartmoosiq · 7 years ago

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If you’re as fond of slowcore, shoegaze, post-rock, and dream pop as I do (and love bands like Beach House, Cigarettes After Sex, Slowdive, and the such), you’re going to instantaneously gravitate towards this band from Tijuana named Mint Field, too. The duo leave us reeling in a state of total fuzzy, hazy intoxication with their surreal new video for Ojos En El Carro, which literally translates to Eyes In The Car, except I’m all ears for the band’s languorous sound. Ojos En El Carro builds towards a scuzzy plush climax with a deliberate crawl. 21 year old Estrella Sanchez (vocals & guitar) and Amor Amecua (drums nad synths) will be releasing a debut album named Pasar De Las Luces on February 23rd. Though my Spanish skills are still very lacking despite years of Spanish classes in high school, it’s hard to miss the nostalgic romance and beautiful melancholia that manifests in this spaciously haunting song. Follow along with the band via their website, here.

#Mint Field #Ojos En El Carro #music video #dream pop #slowcore #post rock #post-rock #shoegaze #lo-fi #bedroom pop #music #indie rock #indie music #indie #alt #alternative #song

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cassiefanfic · 7 years ago

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Mi Flor

Fandom: Thirteen Reasons Why

Character/Ship: Jeff Atkins x Reader

Warning: Lots and lots of fluff

Writer: Cassie

Words: 1075

Requested by: Anon

Summary: Y/N and Jeff have been dating for 3 years and they talk cute to each other in Spanish and all their friends get mad cause they never know what they are saying

Author’s Note: My Grammarly is freaking out after spell checking this XD. Also, all the spanish is from Google Translate so I am so so sorry if it is wrong

Y/N’s POV

“Buenos días mi flor” (Good morning my flower)

“Buenos días mi amor” (Good morning my love)

I turned from my locker to have my eyes meet Jeff’s blue-green eyes. His smile widened as he pushed a loose piece of hair from my face and kissed me softly.

“I had a dream last night.” He whispered.

“Let me guess. I was in it?”

He laughed lightly and nodded.

“Yes, you were. Eras tan hermosa como el sol, la luna y las estrellas. Como siempre lo eres.” (You were as beautiful as the sun, moon, and stars. Just as you always are.)

I looked down, blushing lightly as he grabbed my math and history textbooks along with the notebooks for them before closing my locker and grabbing my waist. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder with a wide smile on my face, cheeks still rosy.

“You know mi amor, I can carry my own books.” He gave a dramatic gasp and looked to me.

“And let mi preciosa flor (my precious flower) get stronger than me? I cannot dream of mi preciosa flor being anything but her beautiful self.”

“Jeff I’m strong.” I sneered as we stood outside our math class. “And I’m gonna prove it to you.”

“I would love to see that day come.” He smirked, walking into class and to our desks, setting down my stuff before taking his seat.

I sat next to him before leaning over and whispering, “Te lo demostraré esta noche. Y eso es una promesa. Confía en mí, no olvidarás lo fuerte que soy después de lo que haremos esta noche.” (I'll prove it to you tonight. And that is a promise. Trust me, you will not forget how strong I am after what we will do tonight.)

He smirked over at me and whispered in response, “No puedo esperar mi flor. Tal vez no seas tan delicado como te has hecho parecer ser.” (I can't wait my flower. Maybe you aren't as delicate as you have made yourself to appear to be.)

I sat up and turned my head to see Hannah Baker, a good friend of mine, staring at me with joy in her eyes.

“How long have you two been dating again?”

“Three years,” I said proudly, opening my math textbook. She smiled and looked down as the teacher began going over what we did yesterday.

Third Person

“Hey Helmet!” Hannah said, sitting next to Clay with her lunch. He smiled and closed his book, sitting up a bit straighter.

“Hey, Hannah. You’re working tonight right?”

Hannah nodded and smiled, looking over to where Y/N and Jeff were sitting. They were so close, their arms touching as Y/N leaned over, whispering something into Jeff’s ear which caused him to smile and kiss her softly, whispering something back. Clay noticed Hannah’s staring and rolled his eyes.

“They’re almost inseparable. Three years and they are always near each other. And they always talk in Spanish. Mi flor. Mi amor. All the time they say stuff to each other in Spanish and oh my god does it get so freaking weird.”

“What do they say?”

“Nobody has a clue. I even took Spanish and I don’t understand a damn thing they say. Either they are being over romantic or really dirty but nobody knows which one. They do it in class to and the teachers have just learned to ignore it by now.”

“Well, I think it’s cute. They’re so used to each other that they have their own little world. I love it.” Hannah smiled and ate her food as she watched Y/N and Jeff. They held each other’s hands so tightly that you would think that they were attached by super glue. Jeff laughed a bit as Y/N got some ketchup on her upper lip from her burger before he slowly wiped it off and kissed her, whispering, “Mi flor, eres tan desordenado.” (My flor, you are so messy)

“Why does he call her that?” Hannah asked, looking to Clay. “Mi flor?”

“It means my flower. Jeff loves Y/N so much. He thinks she’s a perfect flower, that she is the most beautiful and fragile thing on this whole planet.”

“Does he say it often?”

“Often enough that it could be a second name to her.”

Hannah nodded as Y/N and Jeff got up, walking down the hall hand in hand.

Y/N’s POV

“Eres tan hermosa, mi flor. No puedo imaginar nada sin ti.” (You are so beautiful, my flower. I can't imagine anything without you.)

“Oh mi amor. ¿Cómo tengo la suerte de tenerte? Eres increíble y cariñosa y te amo.” (Oh, my love. How am I lucky enough to have you? You are amazing and caring and I love you.)

Jeff smiled and held my hand tightly as Justin and Zach sat across from us, opening their books. Jeff grabbed a pen from my bag and handed it to me as I opened up my notes, smiling widely to him as I looked at his folder.

"Jeff, ¿terminaste la tarea?" ("Jeff, did you finish the homework?")

"Sí, lo hice, está en mi libro de texto.”("Yeah yeah I did. It's in my textbook.")

I opened Jeff’s textbook and got his homework as Justin and Zach stared at us in shock. I looked up and tilted my head.

“What?”

Justin chuckled and shook his head as Zach huffed.

“You guys haven’t said a word of English in the past 10 minutes. Do you realize that?”

I shrugged and said.

“Good. For once we can have a private conversation.”

Jeff squeezed my hand and interrupted me before I could continue.

"Y/N sea agradable. Estos idiotas no importan.” (“Y/N be nice. These idiots don’t matter.”)

I nodded as I dated my paper, holding on tight as he whispered in my ear, "Buena niña. Ahora vamos a enfocarnos en clase y no en lo que te haré después.” (“Good girl. Now let’s focus on class and not what I’ll do to you later,”) Causing me to blush and nod, looking at my paper as we sat close. I knew people stared, but I didn’t care anymore. As long as I had Jeff, I was happy.

#cassiefanfic #13 rw fic #13 rw fanfic #13 Reasons Why fanfic #13 Reasons Why fic #13 reasons why fanfiction #jeff atkins fic #jeff atkins fanfic #jeff atkins fanfiction #jeff atkins x reader

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suzanneshannon · 6 years ago

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Using the Web Speech API for Multilingual Translations

Since the early days of science fiction, we have fantasized about machines that talk to us. Today it is commonplace. Even so, the technology for making websites talk is still pretty new.

We can make our pages on the web talk using the SpeechSynthesis part of the Web Speech API. This is still considered an experimental technology but it has great support in the latest versions of Chrome, Safari, and Firefox.

The fun part for me is using this technology with foreign languages. For that, Mac OSX and most Windows installations have great support on all browsers. Chrome loads a set of voices remotely, so if your operating system does not have international voices installed, just use Chrome. We’re going to walk through a three-step process to create a page that speaks the same text in multiple languages. Some of the basic code is derived from documentation found here but the final product adds some fun features and can be viewed at my Polyglot CodePen here.

Screen shot of the completed Polyglot app with a menu of languages.

Step 1: Start Simple

Let’s create a basic page with a <textarea> for the text we want the page to speak and include a button to click to trigger the speech.

<div id="wrapper"> <h1>Simple Text To Speech</h1> <p id="warning">Sorry, your browser does not support the Web Speech API.</p> <textarea id="txtFld">I love the sound of my computer-generated voice.</textarea> <label for="txtFld">Type text above. Then click the Speak button.</label> <div> <button type="button" id="speakBtn">Speak</button> <br> <p>Note: For best results on a Mac, use the latest version of Chrome, Safari, or FireFox. On Windows, use Chrome.</p> </div> </div>

The paragraph with ID warning will be shown only if the JavaScript detects no support for the Web Speech API. Also, note the ID values for the textarea and the button as we will use those in our JavaScript.

Feel free to style the HTML any way you’d like. You’re also free to work off the demo I created:

See the Pen Text-To-Speech Part 1 by Steven Estrella (@sgestrella) on CodePen.

Adding a style rule for the disabled state of the button is a good idea to avoid confusion for the few people who still use incompatible browsers, like the now-quaint Internet Explorer. Also, let’s use a style rule to hide the warning by default so we can control when it’s actually needed.

button:disabled { cursor: not-allowed; opacity: 0.3; } #warning { color: red; display: none; font-size: 1.4rem; }

Now on to the JavaScript! First, we add two variables to serve as references to the "Speak" button that triggers the speech and to the <textarea> element. An event listener at the bottom of the code tells the document to wait until the DOM elements load before calling the init() function. I used a handy utility function I call "qs" that is defined at the bottom of the code. It is a shortcut alternative to document.querySelector and it selects whatever selector value I pass to it and returns an object reference. Then we’ll add an event listener to the speakBtn object to make the button call the talk() function.

The talk() function creates a new instance of the SpeechSynthesisUtterance object that is part of the Web Speech API. It adds the text from the <textarea>(using ID txtFld) to the text property. Then the utterance is passed to the speechSynthesis method of the window object and we hear the spoken text. The specific voice you hear will vary by browser and operating system. On my Mac, for example, my default language is set to American English and the default voice for English is Alex. In Step 2, we will add code to create a menu to help the user choose voices for all available languages.

let speakBtn, txtFld; function init() { speakBtn = qs("#speakBtn"); txtFld = qs("#txtFld"); speakBtn.addEventListener("click", talk, false); if (!window.speechSynthesis) { speakBtn.disabled = true; qs("#warning").style.display = "block"; } } function talk() { let u = new SpeechSynthesisUtterance(); u.text = txtFld.value; speechSynthesis.speak(u); } // Reusable utility functions function qs(selectorText) { // Saves lots of typing for those who eschew jQuery return document.querySelector(selectorText); } document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', function (e) { try {init();} catch (error) { console.log("Data didn't load", error); } });

Step 2: A Menu of International Voices

If we want to use anything other than the default language and speaking voice, we will have to add a bit more code. So that’s what we’re going tackle next.

We’re going to add a select element to hold the menu of voice options:

<h1>Multilingual Text To Speech</h1> <div class="uiunit"> <label for="speakerMenu">Voice: </label> <select id="speakerMenu"></select> speaks <span id="language">English.</span>  </div>

Before we create the code to populate the menu options, we should take care of the code that will help us connect language codes to their corresponding names. Each language is identified by a two-letter code such as "en" for English or "es" for Español (Spanish). We will take a simple list of these codes and their corresponding languages and make an array of objects of the form: {"code": "pt", "name": "Portuguese"}. Then we’ll need a utility function to help us search an array of objects for the value of a given property. We will use it in a few minutes to quickly find the language name that matches the language code of the selected voice. Copy the code below so that the two functions are just above and just below the // Generic Utility Functions comment.

Now we can build out the options for the select element using JavaScript. We need to declare variables at the top of our JavaScript to hold references to the #speakerMenu select element, the #language span element, the array of synthesized voices (allVoices), an array of codes to identify the languages (langtags), and a place to keep track of the currently selected voice (voiceIndex). Add those just after the two variable declarations we created in Step 1.

let speakBtn, txtFld, speakerMenu, language, allVoices, langtags; let voiceIndex = 0;

The updated init() function sets some additional references to the #speakerMenu and the #language span and places all the language codes into an array of objects called langtags. The feature detection part of the code changes here, too. If the Web Speech API is supported, the setUpVoices() function is called. Also, for Chrome, we have to listen for changes to the loaded voices and repeat the setup when needed. Chrome polls the available voices every time you switch between one of its remote voices (the ones listed with the Google prefix while you are in Chrome) and all the other voices which are stored locally in the user’s operating system.

The setUpVoices() function gets an array of what are called SpeechSynthesisVoice objects by calling the getVoices() method of the speechSynthesis object. This is done in our code using the getAllVoices() function. Unfortunately, I have found that the speechSynthesis.getVoices() method sometimes returns duplicates in the list, so I devoted nine lines of code to eliminate the those. Finally, at the end of getAllVoices(), I added a unique identifier number to each of the SpeechSynthesisVoice objects. That will help us in Step 3 when we need to filter the list of voices to only show voices for a given language. When complete, the allVoices array will contain objects that look like the ones below. Each object has id, voiceURI, name, and lang attributes. The localService attribute indicates whether the code for the voice is stored on the user’s computer or remotely on Google’s servers. Notice the lang attribute. The value consists of a two-letter language code (e.g. "es" for Spanish) followed by a dash and a region code (e.g. "MX" for Mexico). This identifies the language and regional accent of each voice.

{id:48, voiceURI:"Paulina", name:"Paulina", lang: "es-MX", localService:true}, {id:52, voiceURI:"Samantha", name:"Samantha", lang: "en-US", localService:true}, {id:72, voiceURI:"Google Deutsch", name:"Google Deutsch", lang: "de-DE", localService:false}

The last line of setUpVoices() calls a function to create the list of options that will appear in the #speakerMenu select element. The value of the id attribute for each voice is placed in the value attribute for the option. The name and lang attributes are the visible text items that appear in each option along with "(premium)" for those voices that are marked that way on some operating systems and browsers.

You might recall that in the init() function, we had set up an event listener to call selectSpeaker() whenever the speakerMenu changes. The selectSpeaker() function stores the selectedIndex of the #speakerMenu select element. Next, it gets the value of the selected item which will be an integer that corresponds to the index of that voice in the allVoices() array. So, now we have retrieved the SpeechSynthesisVoice we want. We then grab the first two letters of the lang attribute (e.g. "en," "es," "ru," "de," "fr") and use that code to search the langtags array of language objects to find the appropriate language name. The searchObjects() function returns an array that will likely have only one entry. Regardless, the first entry (langcodeobj[0]) is all we need. Finally, we assign that name to the innerHTML attribute of the language span and it shows on the screen as expected.

// Code for when the user selects a speaker function selectSpeaker() { voiceIndex = speakerMenu.selectedIndex; let sval = Number(speakerMenu.value); let voice = allVoices[sval]; let langcode = voice.lang.substring(0,2); let langcodeobj = searchObjects(langtags, "code", langcode); language.innerHTML = langcodeobj[0].name; }

The only thing left for Step 2 to be complete is to make sure the talk() function works when we click the "Speak" button. Modify the talk() function to add attributes to the utterance to control which voice and language are used and how fast to speak the text. In my testing, a rate range of 0.5 to 2 works reliably well. I found that a rate below 0.5 has no effect. I think 0.8 works as a nice default for many languages, but as we’ll see in Step 3, there’s an easy way to let the user decide.

function talk() { let sval = Number(speakerMenu.value); let u = new SpeechSynthesisUtterance(); u.voice = allVoices[sval]; u.lang = u.voice.lang; u.text = txtFld.value; u.rate = 0.8; speechSynthesis.speak(u); }

That’s it for Step 2! Here’s the result of what we’ve done so far:

See the Pen Text-To-Speech Part 2 by Steven Estrella (@sgestrella) on CodePen.

Play around with it a bit. Sometimes it is fun to type an English phrase and then assign a French or German speaker to say it. Conversely, if you want to hear your worst first-year Spanish student, type a Spanish phrase and assign it to be spoken by an English voice.

Step 3: The Complete Polyglot

We’re in the final stretch! Some of the things we do in this step will be bits of polish to the UI but there are some functional things we need to do as well to button everything up. specifically, we’re going to:

Create a menu of available language options

Allow users to define the speed of the speech

Define a default phrase in the textarea that translates on language selection

Here’s what we’re looking at:

We’re adding a dropdown menu, speech rate setting, and a default phrase.

In the HTML, we’re going to add a new <select> element for the language menu and a number input (which will be used later to set the rate of speech). Notice we have deleted the #language span as it is no longer relevant once the language menu is working.

<div class="uiunit"> <label for="languageMenu">Language: </label> <select id="languageMenu"> <option selected value="all">Show All</option> </select> </div> <div class="uiunit"> <label for="speakerMenu">Voice: </label><select id="speakerMenu"></select> </div> <div class="uiunit"> <label for="rateFld">Speed: </label> <input type="number" id="rateFld" min="0.5" max="2" step="0.1" value="0.8" /> </div>

In the JavaScript, we will need to modify the variable declarations. We will keep track of all dialects in the allLanguages array and just the main languages in the primaryLanguages array. The langhash and langcodehash arrays will serve as hash tables so we can quickly get a language name when all we know is the two-letter language code and vice versa. We should only need to setup the languages menu once so a Boolean flag for initialSetup will come in handy.

let speakBtn, txtFld, speakerMenu, allVoices, langtags; let voiceIndex = 0; let allLanguages, primaryLanguages, langhash, langcodehash; let rateFld, languageMenu, blurbs; let initialSetup = true; let defaultBlurb = "I enjoy the traditional music of my native country.";

In the new init() function, let’s remove the line language = qs("#language"); then add the new code as seen here to create the blurbs, reference the rateFld number input and languageMenu select, and create hash tables for looking up language names and tags.

The setUpVoices() function needs some work to accommodate the new languages menu and to trigger the filterVoices() function which we will use now to populate the #speakerMenu element. Also, we’re going to add the new functions: getAllLanguages() and getPrimaryLanguages(). The first one assembles an array of the unique values for the lang attribute found in the allVoices array of objects. Notice the return statement uses the spread operator combined with a new Set object to ensure that the returned array has no duplicates. The getPrimaryLanguages() function returns an array of the two-letter country codes. That makes a smaller list of just the main languages without reference to regional dialects.

The setUpVoices() function calls two additional functions. The filterVoices() function gets the two-letter language code from the current value of the #languageMenu select menu and uses it to filter the allVoices array and return only the available voice options for the chosen language. It then passes that array to the createSpeakerMenu() function (unchanged from Step 2) which populates the #speakerMenu with options. Then filterVoices() gets the blurb associated with the chosen language and places it in the textarea where it can be edited or replaced.

And, in case Chrome rebuilds this menu, the stored voiceIndex is used to restore the current selection. Next the createLanguageMenu() function uses our hash tables to create the needed menu options for the languageMenu select element. The selectLanguage() function is triggered whenever the user chooses a language. It then triggers filterVoices() and sets the #speakerMenu to display the first available option.

In the utility functions section of the code toward the bottom, add the following code. This generic little utility will help you the next time you need to create a lookup table for an array of objects. In our case, we will use this to allow us to easily match a language code with its corresponding language name and vice versa.

function getLookupTable(objectsArray, propname) { return objectsArray.reduce((accumulator, currentValue) => (accumulator[currentValue[propname]] = currentValue, accumulator),{}); }

I added an array of text phrases, each of which is a translation of the English phrase, "I enjoy the traditional music of my native country." The language it’s displayed in will correspond to what’s selected in the language men.

Here we see the beauty of UTF-8 on full display. Above the getLanguagesTags() function, let’s add the code that generates all those translated blurbs. I only read Spanish, English, some Portuguese, and very little German, so I have to take on faith that Google Translate is providing accurate translations for the rest. If any of these is your native language, feel free to leave corrections in the comments.

function createBlurbs() { blurbs = { "Arabic" : "أنا أستمتع بالموسيقى التقليدية لبلدي الأم.", "Chinese" : "我喜歡我祖國的傳統音樂。", "Czech" : "Mám rád tradiční hudbu mé rodné země.", "Danish" : "Jeg nyder den traditionelle musik i mit hjemland.", "Dutch" : "Ik geniet van de traditionele muziek van mijn geboorteland.", "English" : "I enjoy the traditional music of my native country.", "Finnish" : "Nautin kotimaassani perinteistä musiikkia.", "French" : "J'apprécie la musique traditionnelle de mon pays d'origine.", "German" : "Ich genieße die traditionelle Musik meiner Heimat.", "Greek" : "Απολαμβάνω την παραδοσιακή μουσική της πατρίδας μου.", "Hebrew" : "אני נהנה מהמוסיקה המסורתית של מולדתי.", "Hindi" : "मैं अपने मूल देश के पारंपरिक संगीत का आनंद लेता हूं।", "Hungarian" : "Élvezem az én hazám hagyományos zenéjét.", "Indonesian" : "Saya menikmati musik tradisional negara asal saya.", "Italian" : "Mi piace la musica tradizionale del mio paese natale.", "Japanese" : "私は母国の伝統音楽を楽しんでいます。", "Korean" : "나는 내 조국의 전통 음악을 즐긴다.", "Norwegian Bokmal" : "Jeg liker den tradisjonelle musikken i mitt hjemland.", "Polish" : "Lubię tradycyjną muzykę mojego kraju.", "Portuguese" : "Eu gosto da música tradicional do meu país natal.", "Romanian" : "Îmi place muzica tradițională din țara mea natală.", "Russian" : "Мне нравится традиционная му��ыка моей родной страны.", "Slovak" : "Mám rád tradičnú hudbu svojej rodnej krajiny.", "Spanish" : "Disfruto de la música tradicional de mi país natal.", "Swedish" : "Jag njuter av traditionell musik i mitt hemland.", "Thai" : "ฉันเพลิดเพลินกับดนตรีดั้งเดิมของประเทศบ้านเกิดของฉัน", "Turkish" : "Ülkemdeki geleneksel müzikten zevk alıyorum." }; }

There’s one last thing: the numeric input for controlling the playback speed of the speech. Modify the talk() function to get the speech rate from the number input and we’re good to go!

Here’s the final product:

function talk() { ...// no changes except for the rateFld.value reference u.rate = Number(rateFld.value); speechSynthesis.speak(u); }

See the Pen Polyglot: Text-To-Speech in Multiple Languages by Steven Estrella (@sgestrella) on CodePen.

A Real World Application

My interest in this technology started many years ago in 1990 when I created a 26-lesson curriculum as part of my dissertation. It was delivered using my first programming language, HyperCard, on a Macintosh Plus which had a primitive text-to-speech feature. I used that feature to provide some feedback to the user while they progressed through the material. More recently, in 2018, I created a free progressive web app called Buenos Verbos that helps Spanish language students search and filter a database of 766 verbs. The chosen verb is then fully conjugated and the user can click the forms to hear them spoken. So perhaps web pages might like to talk and with some imagination you may find reasons to encourage them. The question is: what will you make your website say next?

The post Using the Web Speech API for Multilingual Translations appeared first on CSS-Tricks.

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