#Especially considering the fact that the way the man’s face is censored is with the use of a black bar across the eyes

[sluttish-armchair]

NOW I KNOW WHAT THE MINISTRY OF LOVE REMINDS ME OF:

soup.avi

Forever going to picture O’Brien as Ray Ray LOL

[doubleddenden]

So the stories leaked from gen 4 development are certainly interesting, eh? I'm sure everyone has their own feelings about it- some of you are apparently ECSTATIC about fucking your Machokes. Good for you, my guy. Some are horrified, thinking something's been defiled (it is fiction and most importantly non canon, you're fine, get a grip).

Me? I think the lady (yes, it was a lady) that wrote all of these is REALLY PASSIONATE about her craft, and was also referencing real world mythos and how they portray similar instances- I think we all know that Zeus has probably done worse on all giving and receiving ends of these stories, as well as Poseidon, Loki, and probably some other myths from Europe, China, and definitely JAPAN- key word there. In fact, the Typhlosion story is probably a reference to a similar story about a badger yokai that can alter its face to appear human, and the Octillery story is definitely a reference to- well, tentacle porn is a thing for a reason that goes pretty far back as a way to get around censorship in hand painted porn. The contents of the story aren't really much different or more terrifying than mythos we'd see in the real world (or if you're in the bible belt like me, probably EXPOSED to with morning bible studies before class growing up), and it's mainly just shocking to see it in the context of Pokemon.

And I think that's kind of the point. Sinnoh is already a pretty dark region in terms of lore and myth, and has surprisingly religious undertones considering the family friendly nature of Pokemon and its general target audience. Obviously none of the horse, badger, sloth monkey, octopus, god, or... Lapras fucking made it to the final cut, although in Japan they still reference People and Pokemon being so equal at some point that they could marry- that's even kind of referenced in Legends Arceus with I think a diary written by a man kidnapped by a Froslass? its been a minute, but you probably know what I'm referencing.

I think an interesting question would be "How did we get to these terrifying stories?" Especially Typhlosion and Slakoth.

Its important to remember this: None of this was meant to see the light of day outside that office circa 2003 to 2004ish. Yeah, surprisingly you weren't supposed to see the story of a man fucking an Octillery BEFORE throwing it back out to sea in a rated E for everyone game, and you didn't! You saw it via twitter, reddit, 4chan, tumblr, discord, or your local weed guy who all spread it from someone who got it from confidential office logs we wouldn't see unless someone took that info from Game Freak's darkest depths of other secrets they'd prefer to keep hidden. Every game and media company has this, good and bad, to various degrees of sfw and not. Did you know Disney has an entire vault of actual PORN that animators would make of their own anthropomorphized characters? Locked nice and safely, too... with uh, some exceptions breaking containment, I think?

So with that being said, we understand this is meant to be privileged info only a handful of people were supposed to see. That means they can use words and stuff you normally wouldn't see- Adventure time for instance had Finn and Jake saying "fuck" in story boarding, kinda funny- because its meant to be workshopped and tinkered with, refined until you get something desirable.

In fact, creators will often propose darker ideas than what they actually want so that they can more easily talk censors into an outcome they ACTUALLY desire. Alex Hirsch did this a few times in Gravity Falls' production, and you know Disney was a bitch to deal with (although he probably didn't propose stuff like this, but you get the idea). So this being said- Obviously nobody wants a story about a Typhlosion engaging in a non-con relationship with a minor it kidnaps. Nobody wants to read a story about humans MUTILATING Slakoths for fun and then getting revenge impregnated by a Slaking, only to give birth to a Slakoth and have it killed and thus kill yourself out of grief for your lost child (people reading this without context- ho boy you guys have missed out on some crazy shit that's popped up). So what is okay from here?

Maybe a little Pokemon death after going a while without it and accruing a reputation of being safe for kids? Mention of Pokemon bones being picked clean of meat and put back into a river so it can come back reborn? Some darker undertones of Pokemon being tormented by Team Galactic? How about a story of a boy slaying Pokemon with a sword, but less detail of mutilation of Ursaring and Slakoth? All of this made it into Diamond and Pearl, didn't it? Add in a little Human and Pokemon "Marriage" that is easily scrubbed out and replaced with "eating at the same table" for the more sensitive Western audience, and you have some pretty believable, dark, somewhat uncomfortable but child friendly lore for Pokemon.

Not to mention, a lot of this was probably pitched just to get a feel of the vibe they were going for in the game. If you read back through the stories, bits and pieces end up being used in other, non Poke-fucking stories, or recontextualized. See the above.

While its certainly a relief that they're non canon, it is a rather interesting look at the development of gen 4 lore and actually makes it feel more... realistic, in a way- again, comparing it to real world mythos and religious tales. That, and honestly? The religious backstory is actually, unironically amazing- HEAVILY based on real world religion, but plenty of real world religions steal from other religions and mythos anyway (coughchristianitycough).

Its actually a bit sad, because in any other JRPG, Arceus becoming a wounded woman that an ordinary man cares for, Arceus falling in love with this man because he treated her so tenderly, bearing human twins, the twins becoming Dialga and Palkia to fight some Titan that would become Mt Coronet, and Arceus loving this man so much that she took his soul to create Azelf, Uxie, and Mesprit to spread love and joy throughout the world? That would literally be INSANELY GOOD world building. Plus! Arceus was a human woman when she did this! It was also consensual! Can you imagine what the world would have been like if we had gotten not only FEMALE Arceus- god of all Pokemon universes- but also a HUMAN INCARNATION of her? And this was BEFORE Giratina came into the picture, apparently. If anything, we got robbed a bit of some deep lore and potential story telling from this being cut, imo.

But one more thing to consider is this: All the stories, even if they did make it to the final cut, would still be stories within a story. Fictional folktales within a fictional setting. If we judge the above by how relevant the ACTUAL content that made it into the games were to the actual overarching plot... It'd be overall kinda useless beyond some flavor text. That's kind of the sad fact of it. Pokemon Players especially, grown adults too, are not exactly known to be well read and some play the game by rapidly A pressing every ounce of dialog they come across, even in brand new playthroughs. I'm sure some remember that one idiot on twitter that thought he made the discovery of the century when he found Snowpoint Temple in Legends Arceus, right? So understandably, especially when you're working on a clock, on limited space, on new and unfamiliar hardware, and trying to be as broad and reachable to audiences as you can- things get cut. Even... Some of the coolest lore building of all time SERIOUSLY A FUCKING PANTHEON WHAT THE HELL.

And I lied, there is one more thing to consider, especially for anyone actually morally offended by some of the content mentioned- Keep in mind that this is in 2003 to 2005ish Japan, with Game Freak (who we know are pretty out of touch in some regards, even by today's standards), before twitter, before tumblr, during a more edgy time for... well, everyone alive at the time, and especially adults. That's 20 years ago. Some of you may not have been alive at that point (did you finish your snacks and juice, lil guy?), some of you probably had a lot of your formative education influenced by the more puritanical side of tumblr or twitter, but it was simply a different time and place. That's it. The people involved in this have moved on and have probably grown into better people, and probably haven't made more fics like this. Maybe. Who knows. It's fiction anyway, and nobody real got hurt from it, and that's what's most important at the end of the day.

So that's my thoughts on it. I think I'm more annoyed by the fact that one of my favorites got a worse Vaporeon treatment than anything, and there's possibly the risk of Nintendo/TPC/Game Freak overreacting and gatekeeping Typhlosion out of the games for a bit. Sigh. My first pokemon, man. Well, anyway, try not to take it too seriously if you see the jokes and memes about it. It'll pass.

But hey, sexy Latina Skyla is canon! Shadow the Hedgehog wins!

[transparentkinks]

What if the pre-war government censored all information on sexual health?

You should know I wrote this with my entire p#@sy. MDNI

Nora never really considered herself sheltered. All things considered she thought she was rather open minded. Anatomy and burns never made her squeamish, she was a battle medic, and then a trauma surgeon for hell’s sake. When she served she was often praised for her ability to keep it together even in the most hellish circumstances. When it comes to injuries encountered in battle, especially in regards to prisoners of war or those left too long alone in drastic environments, Nora was who they called. When the wounds before them were so gruesome it got to even the most seasoned surgeon, Nora was one of the few members on staff that people could count on to stay composed till the patient was stable. The things she’d seen, god the things she’d smelled… and beyond just violence and gore, she’s cussed, heard locker room talk, mothered herself a child, and she’ll never really forget that time with her company crawling around in a field looking for the dismembered penis of the poor bastard who caught the business end of a pretty nasty car bomb. Despite the propaganda of her small town she liked to believe that she treated people the same no matter what they believed in or looked like. When she crawled out of that vault she managed to swallow down her grief and face the wasteland. She accepted that life would always be stranger than fiction and started collecting friends that looked like they belonged in comic books. She learned fast and adapted to a world that had changed plenty without her. 

So what the fuck were her friends talking about? 

“I mean it man, I swear to god when I went down on her that rug was braided”

“No way, who in their right mind spends time braiding down there?” Piper looked at Hancock like his ear just fell off. 

“I guess some girls in the capital are just different” Hancock shrugged with a tipsy grin before talking another sip from his beer. “Different strokes for different folks and all that.” 

“I call bullshit” Macreedy spoke up. “Some chick in the capital isn’t gonna have any more time to be so weird about her hygiene than anyone in the commonwealth.” 

“They do got that bigass water purifier down there, maybe they get to shower more and it does something weird to their brain” Deacon interjected, shit eating grin having not moved from his face since the second he sat down with the group with his bowl of stew and a bottle of whisky to pass amongst the group. In fact Nora was fairly certain his distinctive grin had only grown as the conversation got more confusing. 

“Before ze war, zhey studied people’s brainz and why zhey might do strange zhings. Some diagnozis did mention zat a persons’s environment can induze compulzive behaviors, especially vhen expozed to trauma. Most of zhe examples were concerning cleanliness and hygiene.” Curie spoke up, and finally Nora felt like she was understanding what was being said. Though, She wasn’t entirely sure how they got to their current conversation topic. “If a perzon feels such compulsizons and findz zemselves vith zhe means, zhey may indulge zhemselves even to zhe point vhere ve find zheir behavior strange.”

“Well, I guess she could be considered odd. Becoming a ghoul isn’t exactly non-traumatic, but if it really is because of the water purifier than I wouldn’t mind everyone getting a little more weird. She nearly tasted like water” Tasted??? Who tastes someone during sex? Well, she guessed Nate had liked sucking her breasts, especially after having shawn, but she thought it would probably taste more salty.  They had to be talking about sex if Preston's face was anything to go by. The man looked like he was simultaneously trying to hide behind his drink and shrink back into his coat. Hancock was looking away fondly when Cait slugged his shoulder. 

“Man I’ve seen you put a slice of cram in between two snack cakes and call it a fancy sandwich. And then ate it. I don’t trust your sense of taste” 

“Yeah!” Curie spoke up. “You zaid zath you can’t taste anyzhing since you turned ghoul!” A choir of yeah’s arose around her from Piper, Macreedy, Deacon, and Cait. 

“Those are the words of a person who has never tried a fancy sandwich.” John waggled a finger at Cait. “You should know that’s a ghoul delicacy.” 

“What are we talking about?” Danse strode over to the group following the cheers from the corner of the settlement bar. 

“Only the finest delicacies available to a person.” Hancock grinned at the synth cheekily.

“Danse you’ve been to the capital wasteland before, did girls start tasting different after that water drama?” Deacon stood to drag the synth down into the already crowded booth. Danse suddenly looked very much like he wanted to leave. 

“I’m not telling you about my sexual encounters.” Ah, so It was about sex. 

“Oh come on! You’re no fun.” Deacon laughed and shoved Danse as he squeezed into the booth. 

“You know for all your expertise on retrieving important information I'm surprised you’re withholding this essential data.” Piper jabbed, and with a wiggle of her eyebrows passed the whiskey to Danse. “No way this reporter can get a scoop?” 

“Wrong hands and all that.” Danse sniffed before taking a swig. 

“And therefore!” Hancock slammed his hands on the table and looked pointedly at Macreedy Curie and Cait. “None of you can prove that pussy did not taste different after that water debacle.” Nora was trying to put it together in her mind what they were describing looked like, fighting off a blush as her mind wandered.

“Does it even matter if there’s a difference?” Nick sighed past his cigarette, adding another puff of smoke into the already slightly opaque air of the concrete building. 

“Ov course it doze” Curie slurred. While she had yet to touch any chems beyond stimpacks and the occasional med-x after a rough fight, curie was clearly enjoying ‘zhe social ritual of zhelebratory inebriation’ as she had put it. Especially since John used his connections to find her some pot, a drug she apparently had medical reason to trust more than alcohol. The first time Curie tried a shot she spat it out and talked extensively about how it burned. Right now she was enjoying a small rum and nuka (The only way she could tolerate any alcohol) and passing a joint between herself, John, and Cait. “It could be a healtz indicator! In regardz to zex, zhis is important, yes?” 

“Or” Macreedy interjected, seeming rather done with this conversation. “Maybe we’re all a bunch of gross fucks and pussy tastes good if its hydrated. For all we know that was just basic pre-war and we’re just now catching up.” 

“Man, people really had it good pre-war if everyone tasted like that.” Hancock sighed whistfully before taking a puff of the joint as it was passed his way. 

“Vell, I guess ve vill never have the data on zhat” Curie sighed. 

“Nu-uh” Deacon spoke up, grin unmoving as he cast his gaze to Nora. Oh no.  “We got ourselves our own repository of pre-war experiences right here.” 

“Oh shit, yeah. What do you think sunshine? Do folks taste different after the bombs?” Hancock looked at her rather excitedly, and suddenly Nora felt quite a few eyes on her. What she wouldn’t give for a stealth boy right now. Or a much, much stronger drink. Speaking of… 

“Well I don’t know, I wasn’t exactly walking around licking people.” Nora huffed and snatched the whiskey bottle before it could reach its next destination. 

“What, Nate never let you get a taste of yourself? Kept you all to himself? Never told you what it was like while he was going down?” Cait jested, propping her head on her elbow and looking up at Nora with mischief written across her face. Taste herself? Going down? Nora was rapidly losing context as her anxiety grew. 

“I-... I mean not really?” Nora stuttered, floundering for something to say that wouldn’t tip off her friends that she had no fucking clue what they were referencing. Oh no, now Cait looked confused. “I mean, people didn’t really discuss sex like people do now…” She trailed off but the eyes did not leave her. Normally she relished sharing her better memories from before the war with her friends, loved how they listened to her no matter what she wanted to talk about, but this time she just wished they’d ignore her. She took another swig to buy herself some time. 

“Wait, Nate did go down on you right?” Piper spoke up, leaning forward in her seat with a look of concern and confusion. Damn her. Nora normally loved how quickly Piper could put pieces together before she could, but right now she wanted to strangle her. The table was silent. 

“I uh, that’s slang right?” Piper nodded. “I don’t really know what that means.” Cait started cackling and Nora felt her cheeks flush. 

“Girly it means eating pussy.” Cait giggled. Nora just blinked at her, embarrassment growing as she remained confused. Cait’s giggles died off, along with her grin. “Eating you out? Shit Curie you had a big word for it.”

“Cunilingus?” Curie studied her face. “Oral zex?” Curie probed fruther. How would she taste herself during a blowjob? “Providing physical pleasure to a woman by means of contact between the mouth and the vagina?” Curie clarified. When she just started at Curie confused John spoke up. 

“Hold on, you really have no clue what we’re talking about?” He looked bewildered. 

“...No” Nora wished the ground would eat her alive.

“Damn, you had that man’s kid and he never went down on you? Ever?” John looked shocked, and looking around the table she realized pretty much everyone was giving her some flavor of the same look. “Man maybe pre-war folk didn’t have it that nice of they didn’t go down on each other.” Hancock shook his head. 

“We had the notion of oral sex before the war.” Nick clarified with a furrow in his brow. “I’m sure you ended up reading about it somewhere. You were a nurse right?” 

“I mean, yeah…” Nora mumbled. “But it was mostly about ways people catch different diseases and how to identify symptoms.” The whiskey bottle was passed along, and Nora prayed the conversation would steer towards pre-war medicine. At least she could talk extensively about that. Curie suddenly looked a little mad. 

“On vhat anatomy?” She questioned with urgency. “Your medical textbookz must have explained zhe affects on men and vomen, yes?” A beat of silence passed. Shit, her textooks were basically all male anatomy. She racked her head. There were diagrams of women, she knew it. Yeah, when she was learning basic gynecology. She saw plenty of diagrams of female reproductive organs. And especially leading up to their unit on delivery. Did they talk about diseases in women? She knew they discussed pregnancy effects… 

“I mean I was first trained as a combat medic, so it was mostly male anatomy...”

“But they had women in the army.” Nick corrected. “Not just medics, they saw deployment. They were soldiers.” Nick stubbed out the last of his cigarette in the ashtray. “They didn’t really train their medics to only treat half of their army did they?” 

“Well beyond genitalia there isn’t much difference between male and female anatomy-”

“Zhat is not true!!” Curie exclaimed. She definitely looked mad now. “Surely treating soldiers so vould result in more female casualties, yes?” 

“Women in relationships were given the option to opt out of the draft, so it was a lot more men than women.” Nora explained. “And if you ask me the death toll of that war was pretty equal opportunity in the end.” 

Curie frowned. “Hold on” Hancock spoke up, tucking his tin of mentats back into his pocket as he looked at her contemplatively. Nora felt like she would not enjoy his line of questioning with those in his system. “So let me get this straight, you knew about oral sex, but not on women?” Why did he look sad?

“Yes?” Nora suddenly felt very uncertain. 

“Did you perform oral sex?” He followed her response rather quickly. If she wasn’t already clearly blushing she was certain she looked like a tomato now (Or she supposed, a tato fruit is the new word for the vegetable). She swallowed and felt like it was all too audible. 

“Yes.”

“I hope he was a good lay then, fucker better have caught up if you weren’t getting any head.” Cait grumbled, leaning her head on Nora’s shoulder. “-‘Nough men up here don’t care if a girl cums, I’did’d hoped it was different then.” Nora was silent. Girls didn’t have cum, right? She’d never produced any cum with Nate, and her teachers were very clear. Men produced semen and women produced eggs, and sex required the male to ejaculate to enable procreation. Women couldn’t produce ejaculate. Nora must have been quiet too long, or maybe she still looked confused because John spoke up again. 

“He did make you cum, right?” Nora sorta wished someone would just shoot her now and spare her this exchange. Still, they seemed willing enough to explain, right? And they were her friends, she trusted them. 

“I thought only men could produce ejaculate?” Nora clarified rather quietly.

“Fuck, man.” Hancock sighed dissapointedly, leaning back in his seat and pushing his hat back. Nick shook his head as their friends began mumbles of ‘That’s fucked up/ Damn/ Fucking pre-war assholes.’ She found the whiskey pushed back into her hands, a rather clingy Cait wrapping her arms around her as she indulged, but no explanation offered. Nora was thankful when Deacon changed the subject, content to listen to his latest exaggerated story rather than think too much about the pitying looks she kept catching from her friends. She wasn’t quite sure what to think about this newfound revelation that she had far less experience than she thought when it comes to sex. Clearly she was missing a lot. Everyone was weirdly more polite to each other and her after the whole conversation, not that Nora was complaining, but paired with the glances she kept catching between her friends it was all rather strange. 

She was one of the first to turn in, making her way to the large house she built with a room for each of her friends. Of course not leaving without everyone insisting on a parting hug, Cait planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek with a grin. It was a short but pleasant walk back to the house. She loved sanctuary and still kept a house there, but sometimes the memories were just too heavy. There was just something about the complex she built at starlight drive-in that felt so beautiful to her. Maybe because her only pre-war memories of the place were high school dates and the carnival that would come through town. Maybe it was because it had one of the best places to stargaze undisturbed. Maybe it was because it felt like she was building a new family here. 

The building was mostly concrete, with lead lining on the exterior to keep out the wastes when they came in on the winds of a radstorm. Everyone had their own room, each decked out to their own tastes. The settlement had huge walls and enough missile turrets to send a sentry bot to abu dhabi. It was safe, and cozy, but not nearly as lively and green as Nora remembered from her childhood. There were people aplenty sure, but pretty much just robots, synths, ghouls, and folks just looking for some peace for once showed up to her settlements. No kids. Nora would always lament shawn’s loss of access to many childhood cultural staples. At least he had his pip boy and her entire game collection, and what child-appropriate media she had downloaded on there before the bombs dropped.She tried to make the compound fun, but her settlers seemed to enjoy her amenities more than her son. It's one thing to build your kid a playground, it was another to get them to play on it. She really wished that ghoul family would move in, or really any family. She really hoped the cure they sent out to Macreedy’s son worked fast. It’d be nice to have him here. She guessed she couldn’t blame people for choosing not to bring a new life into this hellscape, and to not risk talking about any kids they did have outside of settlements. At least Shawn seemed content with picking up stories from residents and playing games with Ada, Codsworth and the robots Nora built. Whenever she had to take off to make sure the peace she helped build would stick, she felt a lot better knowing most of her friends would be staying behind, and they’d be looking out for Shawn. 

They understood how anxious she could get about him. Shawn wasn’t born to her, but her son never really bothered to consider the implications of what he made. Shawn did not ask to be built young, programmed afraid and terrified of abandonment. Nora had asked the railroad if they thought he could grow, mature, not be stuck as a kid for however many centuries he’d survive. No one had any clue, there were no other synths like him. She knew one day she would have to tell him, before all the years on ice caught up to her and he was stuck alone. 

Except he wouldn’t be, Nora reminded herself. Her friends, they’d listened to her on many dark nights, listening to her grief and fears and anxieties. Nick had held her, promised her that no matter what reality lay in store for Shawn, if he was functional he would be there for him. John had similar sentiments, with the addition of a few corny ghoul jokes and a radioactive punchline. Strong, well… ‘No cry!!! Crying Weak. Human not weak. Strong is Strong! Strong smash anything that try to smash tiny robot child.’ Which she supposed was reassuring at least in regards to his safety. He was good at that, any time he was stationed at the drive in he insisted on guarding the front gate. She would have thought it would be easier to get a super mutant to party, but he generally did not enjoy any situation with too many humans he couldn’t yell at. In all honesty, when it came to helping keep her kid sane she trusted curie the most. She had taken her worries so seriously that she found a new research focus after her stimpack breakthrough. 

Nora stopped by Shaun's room on the ground floor, peeking in the door happy to see him in bed, his desk still littered with nuka cola bottles and the various pieces of whatever technology he could get his hands on to fiddle with. When she had started construction he had insisted on having his own door out into the little village so he could look around for scrap without Ada or Codsworth lecturing him for tracking mud water dirt or oil into the house. It worried her sometimes, and seeing him safe and at peace always helped settle her. She knew that with Ada in charge of the household and the many robots she had built to help the community nothing would ever happen to him. Realistically, It would be really hard to even approach the settlement while presenting a threat without getting nuked to hell by the space sentry bot her son had lovingly named Jupiter. Still, she always indulged herself in checking on him before she turned in whenever she was home. 

Four floors up the complex of concrete lead and steel, her room had a beautiful view of the gardens below, beyond them the marketplace. She watched as her friends spilled out the bar, one by one. Chatting amongst themselves as they made their way back to the house. John slung his arms around Nick and Cait’s shoulders before making a broader gesture towards the top of the house. The group paused and lingered, chatting in a large circle. 

Looking down on them, Nora figured it didn’t really matter if they all were more experienced than her. None of them would think less of her for it. She trusted them not to tease her, they dropped the whole conversation when they found their answers. No one said anything teasing afterwards, and she felt more confident now that if she had questions they’d be forthcoming with answers. She felt some of the tension from earlier leave her as she changed into comfortable sleep clothes and crawled into bed. 

‘So there has to be a way for women to ejaculate by their reactions from earlier’ Nora thought. When they were talking about tasting earlier, she now realized they meant tasting a vagina. ‘There’s nothing wrong with experimentation’ She assured herself, looking up at her ceiling she had painted with yellow stars and feeling herself over her clothes. Her hand felt a little cold as she braved the elastic of her waistband, feeling herself clumsily as she remembered what Nate had tasted like when she gave him a blowjob. 

‘What do I taste like?’ She dipped one slow finger into her heat and collected what wetness she could find there. She raised her hand up out of her pants to examine her fingers in what little light that made it through the windows. They were covered in fluid, but that was lubrication, right? She sniffed her fingers, and she didn’t smell bad. A bit like water left in a metal bottle out in the heat. Bringing them to her mouth she was surprised at the flavor. She wasn’t quite sure what she expected. John had described it as water at the bar, but this was definitely not water. She wanted to say it was salty, but It had this sort of tang that tasted similar to some pre-war sour candy without any of the sweetness. It almost tasted a little meaty? Thinking back on her assessment of the smell, she supposed it tasted like salt water left out in the heat in a metal bottle. She had a pretty fancy water purifier setup at the settlement, so if that really effected taste she was pretty sure it wouldn’t be right to say it tasted ‘just like water.’ 

A knock sounded at her door and she yanked her finger away from her face with a jolt. 

“Hey blue, can we talk?” Nora sat up quickly and climbed out of bed to greet Piper. Except it wasn’t just Piper she saw when she opened the door, it looked like most everyone were settling down further along the hallway in the sitting area near the stairwell. 

“Yeah-”Piper stepped inside and just as quickly closed the door behind her, the quiet murmur in the stairwell dampening beyond audibility with the soft thump of the door. Nora could feel her face flushing again and felt grateful for the night. “Is this all about earlier?” 

“Well, yeah, and some other stuff..” Nora could feel her stomach drop as she watched Piper turn around and sit in her desk chair. Piper seemed to notice something was off with her and quickly amended. “It’s nothing bad I promise! At least I hope so. Listen, first, personally. I need you to know that its really, really fucked up that from what it sounds like, you’ve literally never cum in your life.” Piper looked at her with a question clear across her face, like she was still expecting Nora to tell her that she had actually came before, because of course she has. Except she hasn’t, and Nora really didn’t know what to say. 

Piper sighed and continued after a beat. “Things are different in the commonwealth now Blue, and I know you know that, but I don’t know if you understand the extent of it- culturally.” 

“What does that mean?” Nora questioned, having found a seat on the edge of her bed. Piper leaned over, grabbed her hand and lacing their fingers together. 

“Well Blue, for one. Not only did you walk into the commonwealth like a hurricane, but you started just helping people for no real apparent reason other than they needed help. People don’t really do that here.”

Nora chuckled. “You know Cait and I already had this talk-”

“Yeah, and we don’t think you really get it. Preston has told you something similar too. And you brushed them both off, and me just now, why?” Nora looked down at their hands. 

“I-” Nora wasn’t sure she had an answer. It had to be her past, right? She did it because she knew it was right, it was what worked. “-just, its what you’re supposed to do where… I guess when I’m from. Politically, you know, at the time. Helping people became a form of rebellion. Helping one another, building up the people around you knowing they’ll do the same was the biggest fuck you the average person could manage without risking imprisonment.” Nora couldn’t quite meet Piper’s eyes. She’d spoken plenty about good memories, favorite movies and shows and songs, dances and the relative luxury afforded most people. It still felt illegal somehow, to talk about such seditious thoughts out loud. To speak the thing that held the little neighborhood of sanctuary together until the very end. Piper nodded along. 

“So It was still dangerous then?” Piper asked. Nora chuckled and shook her head. 

“Not in the same way it is now. It was freedom on the line, not necessarily lives.” 

“Which brings me to the point, you know we all really care about you, right? Whatever you need from any of us, we’re there.” Piper squeezed her hand, placing her other hand over top of their two hands already intertwined. Nora grinned.

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Which brings me to my next point. Blue, you’re beautiful. Its some sort of crime against nature that no one has ever gone down on you. I don’t know where you are with your husband stuff, if you’ll ever really feel ready to try and be with anyone ever again. That’s gonna be all up to you. But we were talking, after you left. Commiserating, really, over i'm sorry Blue, but the tragedy that is your sex life, and we all came to the in retrospect very unsurprising discovery that we are all heads over heels for you. You don’t really flirt back, so everyone kinda thought you were still caught up over Nate.- And don’t get me wrong! If it is still is about Nate, no shame that’s just the assumption.- But now we also realize it is completely possible you just still don’t understand that we love you a lot.” Fuck, was Piper trying to give her a heart attack? “And Im not saying this with any expectations blue. We love you, and that means we’re here for you anyway you want us, especially as friends. But that also means we want you to see all the cards on the table.”

“Piper, what are you saying?” Nora’s brain felt like it was going a mile a minute and everywhere this train of logic seemed to lead was confusing and quite flustering. 

“I mean that me and everyone back there in that room, we all want you to have what’s best, we want you to be happy, and we’re happy when we’re with you. And I know this is probably insane to you, by your pre-war standards but if you wanted to be with any of us, for some forever after or one night stand or anything in between, you can, no hard feelings. No friendship lost. All you have to do is ask.” 

Nora nearly felt at a loss for words, just staring at piper. How could that many people love her like that? She’d always found them all attractive in their own ways, but it felt wrong somehow. Wasn’t she technically a single mom now? None of it felt like it made sense. “Why? How?”

“Well, apart from single handedly taking down the institute, the brotherhood, restoring the minutemen, terrorizing raider groups and wiping out packs of feral ghouls and super mutants, freeing any synth you can, being the most thoroughly loyal and kind person any of us has met, skilled enough to build huge settlements across the commonwealth and face down some of the scariest shit i’ve seen, have you looked in a mirror lately?” Nora was at a complete loss of words. 

“I know its a lot blue, we just felt like we needed to tell you. You know, you have options.” Nora nodded in awe. She realistically liked them all, and had equally squashed any notion of such relationships being possible for her. Women like her, they weren't supposed to move on, were they? Would Nate want her to move on?  Nora honestly felt she couldn’t chose to date any of her friends with a clear conscience. It’d be horrible of her to choose one relationship and then go pining after any of the others, especially since she has learned the truly meager extent of her ability to lie the hard way out on her adventures into the commonwealth. Nora was certain her face was flushed as red as could be. 

“I don’t know what to say I - Im so flattered.” Nora tried to steady her thoughts. “I just couldn’t though you’re all- You’re all really attractive.” Nora couldn’t meet Piper's eyes. Piper gave Nora’s hand another squeeze before Nora heard her giggle. 

“So you do like us?” Piper said in a teasing tone.

“I love you guys, Its just that-” Nora wasn’t sure how to phrase it. 

“Romantically?”

“Yea-Yes.” Nora stammered out. God that was so stupid to admit. Why would she-

“You mean it blue?” Piper had risen out of her seat, now gripping Nora’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, so-”

“So what?” 

“So isn’t that unfair? To be with one person and secretly harbor feelings for others?” Piper was looking at Nora now at eye level. Piper frowned at her words. 

“Who said anything about one person?” Piper smirked, a determined look in her eyes as she stood and strode to the door, opening it. “Deacon, come here right now!” 

“A please is always nice.” He teased as he made his way in the room. “What do you need me for?”

“Explain polyamory to Nora.” Piper commanded, closing the door firmly behind him. Deacon suddenly couldn’t stop smiling, looking between Piper and Nora before finally directing his thousand watt smile at Nora before taking a seat at her desk. 

“So, I know when you’re from people pretty much exclusively only dated or were romantically involved with one person at a time, and having more than one partner at a time was taboo.” Deacon was watching Nora’s face, so she nodded. 

“Well, I'm sure you noticed what was taboo then isn’t always taboo now. Being happy, even momentarily, in whatever way a person can is expected of people. You know how much people in the railroad have each other’s backs, right? A lot of people were together.” Nora looked shocked and she knew it. 

“I never noticed.” Nora mumbled. 

“Well, you know, when a hot lady busts into your base in the fanciest power armor you’ve ever seen and a goddamn plasma rifle, and instead of opening fire tells you they wanna help, you let them do what they want and leave out any details until it's pertinent or they ask.” Nora could feel herself growing flustered. Intimidation was nowhere on her mind when she strolled into railroad HQ. She’d followed the trail, and it wasn’t a safe or easy trail. Of course she wore her armor. She did walk around in power armor a lot for the fun of it, she mostly saw it as a more efficient way to traverse the Commonwealth. Before her in her time it was just another piece of military hardware like any amount of the rather absurd guns she now had access to. Stepping into that power armor felt just like the medic armor, and on the battlefield everyone knew what it meant to see medic battlearmor. She never really considered the intimidation factor. Looking back, the only people who reacted like that anymore were minutemen or settlements. It kinda made her want to laugh, thinking about a raider shiting themselves seeing her in her x-2 armor. 

“So wait, who was together?” Nora questioned. 

“Tinker tom, Carrington, Des, and I.” He paused, his grin going bittersweet. “And Glory.”

“I’m sorry Deacon.” Nora held out her hand and Deacon took it gladly. He shook his head but his grin didn’t fall completely. 

“Thank you.” He paused. Nora knew Glory’s loss was a huge hit to the railroad, she didn’t realize the extent to which it impacted its top members personally. Everyone was grieving when the institute fell. “But you see what I mean. Happiness doesn't always last long, so if someone out here wants to love someone else no matter how complex we do it, no questions asked.” Piper snorted. “Well, some questions asked.” He added. “The problem is never really the number, but prejudice is still alive and well. A person would have an easier time keeping a harem than publicly being in a loving relationship with a synth, ghoul, or any other non-humanoid.” Nora nodded solemnly. 

“Not to say that isn’t worth the risk.” He mentioned. “If you ask me any of it's worth it, however long it lasts.”

“So, Piper,” Nora started. “You’re- You’re saying that I can… or should, uh.”

“I’m not telling you to do anything Blue. I'm saying, we’re all saying, I think, that if you want something you should have it.” 

Nora took a moment to think. Did it really matter what Nate or anyone from her past really thought? If they didn’t care that she was a widowed mother from a clearly different culture than the rest of them, then why should she? 

“You think real loud Fixer” Deacon spoke up, apparently unwilling to go too long without attention on him. He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, looking at her and taking a deep breathe. His gaze seemed focused on hers, as if daring her to look away. 

“You” Nora started, shifting her jaw as she measured her words, praying her flustered mind wouldn’t say something too stupid. She turned her gaze to Piper. “-You all, feel this way?”

“Why not bring them in? Let them tell you themselves.” Piper looked pleased, and rather mischievous. Nora paused, glanced back at Deacon, and nodded. Piper strolled back to the door before throwing it open. “Why don’t you all come tell Blue what we came her to tell her. A quick shuffle of feet brought most of her friends into her room, pulling over her desk chairs and sitting on the edges of her bed and other furniture to make room in her room. 

“So,” Nora panicked a bit over what to say. She felt many gazes on her, and her eyes inevitably fell to her lap. “You all feel this way towards me?”

“What way?” Cait teased, having claimed the spot on the bed to the right of Nora. She heard Deacon snicker before Hancock spoke up. 

“Yeah sunshine, how do we feel about you?” 

Nora felt a bit conceited even entertaining the idea that this many people would fancy her, but here they all were, in her bedroom telling her as much. Damn, how did this many people like her like that? Eight people? “You like me?” She spoke it as a question. Some of them laughed at her response, Cait included. 

“Way more than like, love. You’re in my dreams, especially the naughty ones.” Cait leaned over to speak gently in her ear. 

“I second that” Hancock raised his hand with a grin, apparently enjoying whatever look Nora had on her face while she processed perhaps the most flustering thing possible being said to her. 

“My favorite dreams are spent covering your six when you’re wearing that tight ass blue suit” Macreedy spoke from his place leaned against the wall. 

“I’ve had that same dream” Danse spoke with a smirk.

“God, don’t get me started on that suit” Piper sighed wistfully. 

“We may need to lay off before we give our poor girl an aneurysm” Nick nodded towards Nora, her eyes big, face red, and utterly speechless. Preston nodded solemnly from beside Nick. 

“We can’t overwork her” Preston warned with a tone of authority. Curie, having climbed onto the bed behind Nora, touched a cold hand to the back of Nora’s neck and Nora nearly jumped out of her skin. 

“She is greatly flushed” Curie concurred, her hand not leaving Nora's skin. 

“Oh, she’s fine” Deacon spoke, playing with her hand held between his. “She wasn’t too flustered to have some fun before we showed up. Isn’t that right Nora?” Nora tried to pull her hand back, but Deacon held it fast, pressing a kiss to the finger she had used to feel herself. She swore she felt his tongue flick out and touch her skin. 

“I just-” 

“Wanted to know what it felt like?” Deacon finished for her. The bed creaked as Hancock grabbed the footboard of the bed and leaned over it. 

“Do you want some help with that sweetheart?” Hancock asked with mirth in his voice. 

Nora felt herself work her jaw, finding the right words. “ I like you all like that, but I don’t really have the experience and I don’t know how well I’ll-” Deacon squeezed her hand as Curie wrapped her arms around her waist and began pressing kisses to the side of her neck with an excited giggle, with Cait seconds after doing her best to pull nora to her and press kisses under her chin. Nora had to fight down a rather undignified noise at the attention. 

“We don't need you to do or be anything Blue. You’ve already done a lot. We just need you to tell us what you want. Now, do you want us?” Piper walked over to Nora, fingers lifting he chin a touch to give Cait more room for her conquest. 

“Y-yes” Nora croaked out. 

“Do you want us to make you cum?” Piper looked her in the eye in a way that turned the butterflies in her chest into something warm and intense pooling in her gut. She was suddenly very aware of her heartbeat. Nora swallowed before answering.

“Yes” 

“All of us?” Piper clarified. 

“I-” Nora paused. Would doing this make her a whore? Did stuff like that matter anymore? She can’t have sex with eight people in one night, she wasn’t sure her body could take it. “I can’t have, -Can’t have sex with eight people in one night.” She spoke worridly, and suddenly felt very embarrassed at the laughter that bubbled up at her response. 

“Baby, she said make you cum, not have sex.” Cait clarified. 

Nora furrowed her brow. “What’s the difference?” Curie suddenly pulled her back onto the bed. Deacon let go of her hand in favor of leaning over and grabbing her ankle. 

“Why don’t you let us show you?” Cait leaned over and licked a stripe up Nora’s neck, forcing a gasp from her. 

“Fuck” She heard Preston mutter somewhere off to the side of her. 

She felt a sudden tug at her hair, and Cait forced her head up to lock their lips together. Cait quickly pressed a tongue into her mouth, and when Deacon leaned over and slowly pushed her shirt up she let out a particularly undignified noise into Cait’s mouth. Nora wasn’t sure when she closed her eyes, but she opened them in shock when two pairs of lips began working over her stomach. Looking down, Deacon was running his hands over her ribs, pressing kisses to her sternum and inching her shirt ever higher with his nose. She was suddenly all too aware of the noises around her.

“Fuck baby” Below him Hancock had climbed his way onto the bed and began kissing down over her belly to where the waistband of her shorts rested. Curie pulled Nora further onto the bed, lying back and resting Nora’s head on her chest. Many hands maneuvered her body into what they deemed an acceptable position. 

“Good girl” Deacon praised. Her hands were pulled over her head as her shirt was stripped from her, and with another breathtaking kiss stolen by Piper she lost her shorts and underwear. 

“So pretty Blue” Piper remarked, moving down her body and sliding a hand up her thigh. She hardly had a moment to be embarrassed at her naked state in front of her mostly clothed friends when Preston and Piper each took a leg and pulled them apart, kissing and biting as they wished at her flesh. She nearly jumped at the contact and fought back a yelp of surprise. With Cait occupied with her mouth and neck, Danse and Nick had their fun with her breasts, palming and rolling her till Nora let slip whimpers. 

“Don’t hold back that voice baby, let us hear you” Deacon encouraged. Deacon took hold of her hand once more, and she could feel kisses pressed to her fingertips. Macreedy stole her other hand, lacing his fingers with hers and running a thumb over the back of her hand. 

“I want you to sing for me sunshine” Hancock returned to his place nestled between her legs and Nora was glad for something to hold on for dear life to. Cait pulled away, yanking her head back so that Curie could kiss her forehead and so that she may return to kissing and licking Nora’s neck. Nora let out a groan, deep and gutteral and she felt herself arch into Curie’s grip around her waist.  Hancock began running a hand over her, sliding just over her entrance and back up to her clit before repeating his path, and Nora couldn’t help but whimper each time he traced his path, the movement accompanied with a wet clicking sound. 

Nora immediately felt embarrassed at her noises, doubly so when Nick pointed out her blush spread to her chest while he toyed with her pebbled nipples. However, looking up at her, well, she wasn’t sure what to call them right now, she felt a little less embarrassed when she realized they all seemed to be feeling even more aroused than her. And oh, she could see-, Danse and Preston, pleasuring themselves to her. She could hear Cait grunting against her throat and a light squelching sound that didn’t seem to be coming from what Hancock was doing to her. They were making noises right along with her. 

Hancock slid a finger into her and she couldn’t help but wiggle her hips at the pleasure he was forcing upon her. He began thrusting, sliding in another finger before lowering his head and sucking. Nora had never felt anything like it and she damn Near screamed while he hummed atop her. Piper and Preston had to force her down where her legs met her hips to stop her from bucking away from the onslaught of pleasure Hancock was causing with his every move.

“I don’t know how you can be this cute and so damn strong” Preston mused as he held down her hips. He nipped at the skin of her inner thigh in mock punishment and a shudder ran through her. Nora began registering the growing states of undress of her friends. It just wasn’t fair how hot they were. It honestly felt like they were toying with her.

“Taking this so well” Cait paused her onslaught of kisses to whisper praise behind her ear. She could feel Hancock’s tongue work at her, felt the little puffs of air over her mound as he grunted into her flesh, and damn if the noises he made didn’t make it feel all the better. Nora had never felt anything like this before. With Nate, sex, it felt intimate but without fanfare. This, Nora felt like she could hardly stand it. Her toes curled, a heat in her belly got heavier by the moment, and it left Nora damn near sobbing at the pleasure of it. She had never heard anything like the noises she was making, it was involuntary and visceral with every suck and thrust. 

“You’re shaking like a leaf doll” Nick spoke as he smoothed a hand over her ribcage. 

“You’re feeling good?” Curie questioned her. She gripped the hands holding hers with a deathgrip and moaned when Hancock added a third finger. She nodded aggressively and was rewarded with a flurry of kisses wherever she was being held down. Her legs began shaking when Hancock picked up the pace, and the heat in her stomach coiled. She had no control, nor much awareness of the noises she was making at this point. Despite being held down, with the pleasure she was experiencing and the praise from her friends rolling around in her head she almost felt like she was floating. 

“Please what?” Danse asked with a rough squeeze of her nipple. Coming back to reality a bit, Nora realized during her whimpering and moaning she had started to beg. Please what indeed. 

“I-” Nora panted through another string of moans. Hancock was too skilled at this. “I don’t know”. 

“She’s gonna cum” Cait giggled into the skin under her chin. 

“Fuck” Piper cussed, looking down her body Nora realized that everyone was either watching what Hancock was doing to her or watching her face. While holding her down, most of them were working at themselves too and she couldn’t tell if it was embarrassing or arousing.

“Cum for us baby” 

“Give us a show doll” 

“Good Girl”

 The coil building in her gut suddenly got more and more intense in a way Nora was unprepared for. She hardly had a moment to register her shock at this new bodily experience when It all came down suddenly, like being hit with a ton of bricks straight to the brain.

“Oh, Oh FUCK!” Nora screamed out, body convulsing and head flying back. Her eyes closed but her vision went white. White hot pleasure shocked through her, before turning into waves of bliss. When she opened her eyes she felt like she was floating. She felt curie tucking strands of hair behind her ears. Hancock worked her slower and lighter till she shook. Looking down she met his eyes and his hands and mouth finally left her with an embarrassing pop and a slight smirk before taking the fingers that were within her and sucking them into his mouth with a pleased groan. Nora could only whimper and close her eyes. She faintly heard the moans of some of her friends, felt Cait shake and groan into the crook of her neck. 

“So, how was the first orgasm of your life?” Deacon teased, himself sounding a bit out of breathe. All Nora could manage was a grunt in response, apparently enough for him as he and some others began chuckling. 

The world seemed to come more into focus as she took some deep breaths. What did this mean now? She’d never felt like that before, her friends went out of their way to make sure she felt like that. They enjoyed making her feel like that. 

“You did so well” Piper praised, and many kisses brought Nora out of her thought process. Piper sided up to Nora, shoving Danse out of the way. Cait took the cue to so the same to Nick, and Nora was suddenly being held by three women. 

“You guys are hogging her” Deacon whined, making movements to tug Nora his way and tuck his face into her neck. 

“Says the guy who wasn’t shoved off” Danse ran a hand over her hip.

“Are you feeling okay?” Maccredy checked in on her. Maccready sat down on the bed next to Cait and began playing with Nora’s hair. Nora nodded. She felt boneless. It felt like her veins were buzzing. Beside her, she could hear whatever kept Nick running humming loudly.

“Any words?” Preston teased, rubbing at her ankle. 

“-Wow” Was all she could manage. Giggles erupted around her. Nora tried to get her thoughts straight. “So, what now?” 

“Like I said” Piper spoke up. “Whatever you want.”

“And- You all feel like that?” Nora checked, looking around at her friends, or were they lovers now? That’s a lot of lovers. 

“Yep”

“Whatever you want baby” A chorus of agreements spoke up. Nora looked around, only to see those that were silent nodding. 

“So I guess that just begs the question Blue, what do you want?” Piper questioned, and damn was that a hard line of questioning. What did she want? Piper talked about this all like it could be a casual thing, but would they be down for what she actually wanted from them? They all had lives to live, despite what she’s built here. Nora took a steadying breathe. 

“I want us to be family” Nora spoke. “Like Shawn and Nate and I were, but bigger.” She felt a bit afraid of what they would say, suddenly very aware of her nakedness in comparison to her mostly clothed lovers. 

“Oh Blue” Piper raised a hand to Nora’s face. “That sounds perfect to me.” 

“I like the sound of that” Preston spoke with a smile. 

“Me too” Maccready. 

“Oh, vhe vill be zhe best family!” Curie spoke cheerfully, squeezing Nora around the waist. “I can make you packed lunches vith little notes and you vhill have to kiss me before you leave for vork”. Nora couldn’t help but giggle at the image. Before the war, that’s what she was expected to do. Now her synth, doctor, girlfriend? Wife? Did she just propose? How did that even work in the wasteland? 

“I can’t think of anything I would want more sunshine.” Hancock spoke with a grin. 

“Wait, did I just propose to you guys?” Nora spoke with an amount of shock. “How does this even work nowadays?” 

“Well, considering you currently are the head of government, unless you want to join a religion or go do paperwork at diamond city, if we all agree to it that’s a marriage”. Nick explained. 

“Oh god” Nora threw her head back and closed her eyes with a long-suffering sigh. “I’m the government and I married y'all after we had sex once. Why is the law like this?” Her companions quickly dissolved into laughter. 

“Well I’m definitely not complaining” Deacon reassured. 

“Me either” Spoke Nick. 

“Isn’t this fast?” Nora asked. “I mean, I’ve been unfrozen maybe four years”. 

“People feel lucky to be able to spend even a year straight at a time with those they love. People marry fast.” Deacon explained. 

“Things move slower in the brotherhood, but I’ve known you over two years, and you’ve saved my life multiple times. Unless a brother has taken a vow of chastity, that’s more than enough time to decide to marry for them, and a lot of the wasteland considers them prudes.” Danse spoke up. 

“So as long as we love you, and you love us, you could call us married. Or fiances, or dating, the label doesn't matter. I just know that I love you sunshine, I think we all do. Do you love us?” Hancock asked. 

Nora felt very warm, surrounded by people she cared for, people who made her feel safe, people she would die for. She couldn’t help the small smile creeping on her face. “I love you all too.” She sighed. “I like the sound of married. I like the promise of it. But I think I’d want to do a ceremony or something. And I- I also want what you guys want. If we’re gonna call this that, we’re in this together, right?” 

Amid many agreements and sounds of excitement and some of the best cuddles Nora had experienced in her life, Cait leaned forward to whisper in her ear; “I want to eat my wife’s pussy till she screams for me again. Care to make that happen, love of mine?” 

Nora could feel the flush all the way down her chest. “Now what did you say to her Cait?” Maccredy questioned.

[senka-mesecine]

Could you please write some soft headcanons for Barnes? Thank you

-

― Has the habit of wordlessly touching your face. Stroking, caressing it, holding it. Especially on the left side where his own is scarred. There's something to him about the notion that unlike him, your face is smooth and unblemished that's a fact very easy to get lost in. It's both fascinating, therapeutic (as much as he'd never, ever admit to this) and deeply cathartic for him. He could do it for hours without saying a single word and he frequently does just that.

― To extend upon this, has the tendency of tilting your chin up, pinching your cheek, inspecting or idly playing with the very tips of your hair like there's something curious about them, trailing his hands and fingers along your skin or smushing your nose casually or any part of you that's perceived soft or vulnerable, doing so in passing before moving along like with whatever he was off to do; an act usually not followed by anything in particular uttered verbally. Barnes just likes to do so and that's just about as deep as it gets. It's almost a daily ritual he indulges in.

― The usage of endearments, especially if they have that odd Southern flavor. You're more so darlin', sugar, beaut, hon', shug and any number of other affectionate nicknames on a daily basis then you're actually referred by your own God given name at any point in time, in fact, Barnes calls you these things so very often irregardless if he's cross, sarcastic, teasing or genuinely being in a good disposition few people ever actually heard what you're really called. Someone might as well start assuming your actual name is Darlin'.

― His attention to detail; he might not say it, might not make a show of it, in fact, he could be completely silent about it to the point of seeming cold and callous, but the man notices everything about you and just about remembers everything about you too downright to the smallest to the most miniscule quirk. His eyes just catch and asses it as it happens and he makes a mental note about it completely quietly. Man could recognize your scent in the middle of the wild if he truly had to or the sound of your breathing in the dark.

― He's one for acts of service exclusively; he thinks empty talk is just empty talk if you don't back it up with deeds and so while he might not make a habit of verbally professing affection, he shows affection. Every day. All the time. In fact, it's so deeply ingrained in a daily routine you might not even notice it but Barnes runs a smoothly operating machine everything hard, difficult and distasteful that needs to be done in your life is done by him and he never even brings it up. It just is.

― Looking at you. Just looking at you. It's genuinely one of his favorite things to do continuously, without interruptions. To the uninitiated, it could seem as vaguely threatening or a sign of intimidation, but Barnes doesn't figure he should censor himself --- if he likes looking at someone or something, he'll just look and he'll do it for long as he damn as well pleases no matter what you're doing, if you're busy with something or not or if there's other people present.

― If you're a smoker, he undoubtedly does the unthinkable of lighting your cigar for you, maybe even by taking his own connecting the two at the tip or going the simple route of using a lighter (and if you're not a smoker, he's still pondered the image); whatever the case --- commonplace, often understated acts of service. He indulges in the big ones too; Barnes would just about push you out of a bullet's way and take it instead of you. Could be as mundane cigarette or it could be a fatal ricochet. Doesn't matter. It's how his prime love language manifests.

― Speaking of which...protectiveness. An arm and a leg for you, truly. He could be a hard ass, cold son of a bitch, yes, but it's undeniable he'd step in and stand between you and literally any sort of danger whatsoever, big or small, and he wouldn't even consider the act of it some sort of unique, noble gesture of unprecedented, heroic self-sacrifice rather something that's just supposed to be done. Something that's a given...which is just about when he ceases to be soft because it's one of those non negotiable things --- someone trespassing on someone his.

[caffeineandsociety]

White cis gay men are often seen by mainstream society as the default face of The LGBTQ+ Community; this is both caused by, and feedback loops into, the way white cis men are privileged by society. When it comes to representing The LGBTQ+ Community, white cis gay men are often relatively privileged over other subgroups.

HOWEVER.

Gay men, regardless of race or AGAB, are...you know, still oppressed by society at large. In fact, many homophobic tropes about gay men have a uniquely gendered bent to them, from the "effeminate limp-wristed fruit", to the "burgeoning predatory bear", to the "devious AIDS vector" (which is also frequently aimed at trans women, thanks to popular bioessentialism and proximity to transphobic "deception" tropes), to the "greedy decadent hedonist who would destroy society as long as he gets his quickie at the club"-

And cisheteropatriarchal society FUCKING LOVES IT when people end up parroting these tropes in the name of "feminism" and "uplifting other queer subgroups".

Now, I want us all to think back to the ToddInTheShadows video about James Somerton for a moment. Remember what that video was calling out - the way Somerton's very limited original content was, primarily, repeating common misogynistic and transphobic tropes, but spinning them not as misogynistic and laterally queerphobic stereotypes, but as Very Common Bad Behaviors By Privileged Subgroups Of Oppressed Groups.

I want us to recall - he got away with this for years. He got well-meaning people, who nominally knew better, absolutely eating it up. He probably very sincerely believed it himself! How does that happen?

Consider the trope I highlighted. The "greedy decadent hedonist who would destroy society as long as he gets his quickie at the club".

Consider for a moment, how important it is to recognize how white cis men are relatively privileged over other queer subgroups - and how that kind of relative privilege can serve as a blinder to the suffering of other queer subgroups - and how, as a result, there are prominent white cis gay voices who don't see the problem with gentrification, or with highly censored rainbow capitalism; how that relative privilege can turn into throwing people under the bus...

And I want you to consider just how easy it is for criticism of that pattern to slip right into repeating that trope. Into an implication that every white cis gay man is Jeffree Starr or some shit. Into an implication that Jeffree Starr's flamboyant aesthetic is inextricable from him, personally, being a shitty I-got-mine sellout, especially if you can tie it to a critique of the misogyny in the makeup industry. Oops! We're now on a runaway train straight into homophobia town!

And the thing is, just like the example with James Somerton, you usually won't even notice it's happening. Look at how many people watched Somerton's videos. Again, he probably believed everything he said himself. We Live In A Society. We live our lives simmering in this toxic brew of stereotypes. We internalize them. After ToddInTheShadows pointed it out, of course, so many of Somerton's former viewers became thoroughly unable to unsee it - but before that? It was background noise. Of COURSE women fetishizing gay men is more of a problem than lesbophobia and misogyny! Of COURSE the presence of a single-digit number of wlw couples in children's media proves queer women are super privileged over queer men! Of COURSE trans people are being divisive by trying to distance themselves from their AGAB, that's TOTALLY inherently the same thing as denying the shared history of the communities! Because the assumption that women are just that airheaded and reckless and frivolous, and trans people are just playing pretend, is such a common set of beliefs in mainstream society, that it was just taken for granted until someone came along to shine a big, bright, glaring spotlight on it.

The lesson we need to be taking from that is not James Somerton Is A Bastard; it's the importance of being CAREFUL when criticizing lateral aggression from an oppressed group to make sure that it's not looping right back around into its own flavor of lateral aggression.

In the case of gay men, for example, we need to be careful NOT to reinvent the same old stereotype that's been around...presumably since the first time someone decided that the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah were the gay sex more than the closed-off cruelty.

[looooooooomis]

F I N A L  G I R L  |  T H R E E

You were his final girl.  And there was no chance in hell that anyone or anything was going to mess that up.

p a r t   t h r e e  |  j e a l o u s y

masterlist here

pairing: Billy Loomis x f!reader word count: 4.3k warnings: angst tbh. and not the healthiest relationship but ya know what it’s billy so we persevere, unwanted advances, more angst x

I had a request for a jealous billy, so I hope you like my take on it x

That was the third time in the last thirty minutes that Steve Shit-For-Brains Orth touched you. Three fucking times. The first two times he was willing to look past but the third? Fuck no. The asshole, who was sitting with his clunky arm on the back of your chair, had not-so-casually rubbed his thumb along your spine, inciting a rather surprised look from you and a rather murderous one from Billy.

Of course, Steve couldn’t see the rage practically oozing from Billy, but boy was it there. Especially when you went out of your way to lean further into your desk as though to avoid his grabby little hands.

But that didn’t stop Steve.

Billy could see the frustration on your face as you fought to keep your cool in front of your classmates as his hand dipped beneath the desk to give your thigh a firm squeeze.

The same thighs that Billy’s face had been buried in just this morning.

All Billy saw was red as you pushed Steve’s hand away, muttering something to him under your breath before raising your hand to excuse yourself. With an anger so palpable radiating from his every pore, Billy watched you leave the classroom and thought of the various ways he could kill that fucker before you returned.

“Billy,” the girl, Sam, he’d been paired up with groused, “are you even paying attention?”

“No,” he simply said, barely hearing her above the sound of his own blood coursing to his ears. “Sorry.”

He wasn’t sorry, of course, only irate. The vein in his neck pulsed against his skin as his blood pressure skyrocketed. This was the type of thing that drove him to the brink of insanity when it came to having to keep the two of you a secret for the sake of his plan. It was bad enough that he couldn’t parade you around like he wanted to, even worse that he knew, deep down, that your little arrangement hurt you beyond belief – but this? Watching you get pawed by these dickheads all the while he was forced to take a backseat?

He couldn’t stomach it.

His knuckles were white from the grip he had on his pencil but even as he felt it splinter off into his palm, his grip never waned. Not for a second. It was either that or kill Steve Orth and, while that sounded great, he couldn’t. Not yet, at least.

Just as the pressure of the pencil in his hand got to be too much, you waltzed back into the room with your head held high, seemingly unfazed by the naked eye – but Billy saw right through it. He knew you, more than either of you would like to admit, and he could see the irritation as clear as day in those gorgeous eyes of yours as Steve smirked playfully up at you from where he sat.

Subtly, you gave Billy a gentle nod, silently talking him down from doing anything stupid in the middle of the classroom, before taking your seat yet again.

Thankfully, Steve managed to keep his hands off of you for the remainder of the class but, unbeknownst to both you and Steve, that assholes fate had been sealed. Billy might not have been able to do anything to him yet, but he would. And he was going to enjoy every second of it.

The bell eventually rang out and Billy, wasting no time at all, pushed himself off of his desk and walked up beside you. “You okay?” He asked, but his eyes were trained on Steve who was much too busy high-fiving one of his friends to notice Billy’s murderous stare.

“I’m fine, Billy,” you laughed, “he’s an idiot, but he’s a harmless idiot.”

“Harmless?” Billy’s voice was low and impressively tame considering the fact that beneath it all, his blood was boiling. “He has no right to touch you.”

Glancing over your shoulder you smiled at one of the other cheerleaders before looking back at Billy. “I appreciate the concern, Billy, but I’m fine.”

That casual tone of yours just about killed him every single time. It was a punch to the gut compared the woman he had all to himself behind closed doors. This version of you, this censored version, was just a part of the charade, he knew that much, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

The rest of your classmates slowly filtered out of the room, eventually leaving you and Billy alone as you tossed your notebook into your bag. That weighty stare of his was ever present, but you pretended not to notice in fear of someone walking in. Billy Loomis was a lot of things, but subtle, he was not.

At least where you were concerned.

“That’s bullshit,” he seethed, “someone ought to show that fucker he can’t just go around touching what isn’t his. He—”

“What isn’t his?” A bitter laugh tumbled out of your lips. “I’m not a piece of fucking meat, Billy. I’m not his, sure, but I’m not yours, either.”

You watched the muscle in Billy’s jaw clench and that vein in his neck that always seemed to swell whilst he was under pressure visibly strained and pulsed before your very eyes. “I didn’t say you were,” he muttered, “I just meant that he needs to learn some respect.”

“He does,” you agreed, “but that’s not your job to teach him.”

Leaning against the desk, he ran a hand through his hair and glowered across at you. “I could tell it bothered you, so why the hell are you defending him?”

You rolled your eyes and swung your bag over your shoulder. “I’m not defending him, Billy. Steve’s an asshole, we all know this, but I don’t want you to get in shit thinking it’s your job to defend me. I can look after myself, Billy. I promise.” With another futile glance towards the door, you reached forward and gently ran your thumbnail against his bottom lip. “Besides, you’re too cute for a fistfight.”

Upon dropping your hand back down at your side, Billy caught it and gave it a squeeze. “I can’t help it if I get heated about all these assholes. Look at you.”

“You can help it, actually,” you laughed. “Don’t engage, first off. And, secondly,” you leaned in a little closer so that your lips were dangerously close to his ear, “try to remember who it is I’m fucking at the end of the day, hmm?” You pulled away and offered him a quick wink before walking out of the classroom. “See you at lunch, Loomis.”

»»-------------¤-------------««

“All I’m saying is that if he didn’t want me giving sage advice to those renting a fucking movie, then why hire me in the first place?” Randy asked with a casual shrug of his shoulders.

You, Tatum, Sid and Randy were all outside eating at the fountain whilst waiting for the other two idiots to join. Pushing your sunglasses further up your nose you smirked across at Randy. “Randy, you told the guy not to rent the movie. Your job is to make people want to watch these movies.” You popped a carrot into your mouth. “How you’re still employed is truly a mystery.”

“That’s the thing,” he laughed, “he fired me!”

“Shocking,” Sid chuckled, “what did you say when he fired you?”

Randy stole a celery stick out of your Tupperware container and bit down. “Nothing, I kept working. Fire me? Not on my watch. No thanks.”

With a shake of your head, you stretched out your legs on the concrete slab of the fountain and found Stu bounding towards you with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Did you guys hear?” He asked, swooping down to kiss Tatum’s cheek. “Our man, Billy, snapped.”

You froze mid-bite and immediately looked at Sid who had sat up looking concerned as ever. “What?” She asked in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Billy and Steve, man,” Stu laughed and snatched a carrot stick from your stash. “The two of them got into it during one coach’s drills and Billy just,” he bawled his hand into a fist and slapped it against his other hand. A resounding smack echoed out around you. “Clobbered him, man. It was awesome!”

With your appetite long gone, you slowly swung your legs back onto the ground and pinched your brow. You were raging. Not only had the idiot ignored you by engaging with Steve, but he’d gone ahead and fought him, too.

“What?” Sidney croaked. “W-Why would he do that? He’s never been the type to just fight someone like that. Did Steve do something to provoke him?”

You chewed on your lip and stared ahead as Stu merely shrugged. “Don’t think so,” he stole another carrot and grinned at something in the distance. “Ask him yourself, here he comes.”

Your blood was boiling beneath your skin as you watched Billy casually waltz over to your group as though he wasn’t wielding one hell of a fucking bruise on his cheek, accentuated perfectly with a small, clean slice along his cheekbone that would almost surely scar. The fucking moron.

“Billy!” Sid gasped, jumping up to tend to her boyfriend’s injuries.

You, on the other hand, forever the other woman, remained dutifully planted on the edge of the fountain. Not that you would have tended to him in any way, shape, or form in that instance. In fact, you weren’t sure you could trust yourself not to add to the mess on his face.  

“I’m fine,” he muttered, giving her hand a quick kiss as she gently observed his cheek. “Things just got heated on the field, is all.”

“You should see the other guy,” Stu beamed, “I hear Steve lost a tooth!”

Your anger swelled, momentarily blinding you as the rest of your friends laughed and asked for a play-by-play of events. Not quite trusting yourself, you pushed yourself up from the edge of the fountain wall and grabbed your bag. “I’ll see you guys later,” you hummed, not looking up at the bruised idiot in fear or snarling at him.

“You don’t want to stay for story time?” Stu asked, looking between you and Billy in amusement.

“Can’t.” Smacking on what you only hoped was a convincing smile, you shook your head and gestured to the school. “Forgot I had a meeting with Miss Wills about getting my biology grade up.”

Just before you turned on your heel to head back into the school, you just managed to catch Billy’s eye as he dutifully sat beside Sidney. She was leaning into him, gently prodding the scar along his cheek with a concerned frown marring her pretty face. He, on the other hand, was staring evocatively across at you with a small frown of his own.

Clearing your throat, you waved them off rather quickly before heading back inside of the school. You were too angry to care about how you felt the weight of his stare all over you before finally disappearing from sight.

»»-------------¤-------------««

You locked your bedroom door that night and closed your curtains to avoid rolling over and seeing the idiot that was currently plaguing your every thought staring back at you from the second story of your house. In fact, that was what you did for the next three nights all the while managing to avoid Billy Loomis as much as humanly possible whilst at school.

So far, he had tried on four separate occurrences to get you alone. Whether it was subtly nodding towards an empty classroom with the gang around or lingering by your desk after English in hopes of pinning you down for a chat, it was obvious that Billy was desperate to talk with you. To smooth things over. To move on from this rather ugly display of jealousy.

But you weren’t. And, honestly, you weren’t sure if you were going to be any time soon, if at all.

A small dose of jealousy was only normal every once in a while. Not healthy, by any means, but a normal part of any relationship. Only this relationship you and Billy had was anything but normal. He had a girlfriend. A lovely, kind girlfriend who would have given him the world three times over if he asked. So just how Billy was the one with the audacity to be jealous made no sense.

Whenever you thought about it, you got mad. The injustice of it all was truly something you couldn’t wrap your head around. Just how Billy Loomis, the one with a girlfriend, could get jealous of a guy you were barely even acquaintances with really threw you for a loop. And yet you, the asshole who had somehow fallen in love with him, had to quietly take a seat and watch him dote over another girl in public.

Dote over your best friend.

Oh, the irony was delicious.

Tossing the book you’d been reading aside, you let out a quiet groan and closed your eyes as you heard the familiar jiggle of your window. It, like it had been for days, was still locked, thankfully, and your curtains still drawn in fear of seeing him.

The commotion tonight, was brief. He only tried for a second or two before you heard him meander his way back down to ground level. With an annoyed sigh, you reached for your book only to stop dead in your tracks when your doorbell rang out through your whole house.

Shooting up from your bed, you immediately lunged for the door and held your ear to it as your mother quietly complained about just who it could possibly be at this hour of the night.

Please be anyone else, please be anyone else, please be—”

“Oh, Billy,” your mother gushed. She’d always liked Billy. The traitor. “It’s awful late, is everything okay?”

Furling your brow, you pressed your ear further into your door and heard Billy’s deep voice say something – something probably charming – before your mother’s voice called up to you.

“Y/N, sweetie,” she beckoned, “Billy Loomis is here.”

You opened and shut your mouth several times over as you thought of your next few words. Somehow swearing at him from where you stood didn’t seem like the best idea with your parents in the house so, instead, you opted for the next best option.

You said nothing.

Holding your breath, you stood at the head of your room in nothing more than your flannel sleep shorts and tank top while hoping beyond hope that Billy would be ushered out of your house.

“I’m afraid she might be sleeping, dear,” your mother sympathetically cooed, “was there something you needed?”

Pressing your ear tighter to the wood, you barely made out the words ‘book’ and ‘homework’ before another sympathetic cluck escaped your mom’s lips. “And it’s due tomorrow?”

Bastard.

You panicked. His ploy was obviously to come up here and search for a book that didn’t exist all the while your parents carried on with their regular scheduled programming downstairs – but your parents weren’t dumb, nor were they naïve. Surely, your mother would offer to come up and root around for whatever it was he lied and said you had before she would inevitably have to wake you up in order to deliver the goods to the lying Loomis.

Your anger pulsed as realization dawned on you.

You had to go downstairs.

“Did you say something?” You asked, feigning innocence as you pushed your door open and made your way down, barely glancing at Billy who still stood in your entryway. “What are you doing here?”

Billy licked his lips. “I, uh, wanted to swing by and pick up the book for our English assignment. I think you must have grabbed mine, too, when you were putting your stuff away.”

“Nope,” you shrugged, “I don’t have it.”

Billy awkwardly smiled across at your parents before looking back at you. “You sure?”

“Positive,” you replied coolly. “Maybe you left it at Sid’s house?”

His shoulders briefly fell at your tone and, for a split second, you felt your heart fall into your stomach. You knew you were hurting him with the callousness of your words, but you had to stick to your guns this time around for your own sanity.

“Guess I must have misplaced it,” he wryly admitted. “Sorry for the intrusion, Mrs. Y/L/N.” His eyes flickered to you. “See you tomorrow, Y/N.”

You nodded, prepared to watch him leave, but before he could get a foot out of the door, your mother stopped him.

“Wait, Billy,” she ran out of the living room and into the kitchen, leaving you and Billy alone for all of three seconds before she shuffled back in. “Here,” she held out a dish packed to the brim with Shepard’s Pie. “I know your dad’s been working a lot of late nights so dinner’s might not be the most well-balanced, but a growing boy has to eat.”

Feeding the enemy. Typical.

“Y/N made it,” she bragged, unwittingly fanning the flames of annoyance in your chest. “It’s delicious, too.”

Touched, Billy grabbed the Tupperware container from your mom before glancing at you. He knew you could cook, you’d cooked for him several times in the span of your friendship – long before the two of you began…doing whatever it was you were doing – but as he accepted the container, there was an emotion there that was much too raw and real for you to try and decompress.

You realized, slowly, that your mother’s offering of Shepard’s Pie was probably the first time a maternal figure had paid him any mind since his own mother had walked out on him all those months back.

Your stomach dropped at the thought.

“Y/N is a great cook,” he agreed. This time, his voice was much quieter. “And thank you again, Mrs. Y/L/N.”

Once again, you watched him turn on his heel to leave the house but, with that niggling feeling of guilt twisting inside of your belly, you opened your mouth before you could so much as think to stop yourself.

“I’ll walk you out,” you muttered, flashing your mother a fleeting smile. “Be right back.”

Slipping on some shoes, you ignored Billy’s obviously surprised face as he lingered in the doorway before finally looking across at him. “Let’s go.”

The night was brisk as the two of you strolled towards his car in silence. You shivered absentmindedly as your pajamas offered no real sense of protection from the chill before glancing at Billy. Naturally, his eyes were already on you.

“Do you think your mother’s watching us right now?”

“Knowing her?” You shrugged. “Probably.”

He swallowed hard. “We should talk about what happened.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I know what happened. You saw Steve touch me and got irrationally jealous over it and, rather than deal with it like a grown man, you punched him and he lost his fucking tooth.”

A flicker of anger crossed over his handsome features. “It’s not that simple, Y/N, he—”

“That is probably the only simple thing about our little situation, Billy,” you acknowledged quietly. “You got jealous and you punched a guy. Doesn’t get simpler than that.”

“He deserved it,” he argued. “He’s a moron and shouldn’t have touched you. Do you know how hard it is to see that and not defend you the way I wanted to while it was happening?”

“Defend me?” You sneered. “Or stake your claim on me? No offence, Billy, but the entire male population of our school could ask me on a date tomorrow, and you’d have no fucking say in the matter. Whether they touch me or ask me out or anything, because you and I aren’t a thing.”

Billy chewed on his bottom lip as his grip on the Tupperware tightened considerably. “Yes, we are.” His voice was eerily calm despite the panic surging through his chest. “I love you, I told you that at the cornfield and I meant it. I fucking love you, Y/N.”

“You did,” you said, “and my feelings haven’t changed but you can’t be blind to the fact that this isn’t working, Billy. You getting jealous over me getting unwanted attention from a guy all the while expecting me to sit there and watch you and Sid flaunt your shit all over town?” You could feel your eyes begin to water as your emotions got the better of you, but you wouldn’t cry in front of him. You wouldn’t dare. “I’m supposed to sit there and trust what you’re telling me. That you will break up with Sid, that you do love me, that, if things were different, it would be me you’d be with and only me. But one guy squeezes my thigh and you lose your shit? Where’s the fucking sense in that?”

“I fucked up,” Billy admitted, his bravado long gone. “I see that now, I fucked up. But --”

“But,” you scoffed. “See, there it is. An excuse. I don’t want your excuses anymore, Billy. I want you and while I thought that was enough, I’m seeing it’s not that easy anymore. Not if you get to act like this unhinged asshole whenever I get a sliver of attention.”

You watched Billy’s eyes search your face as his hands trembled. He wanted to reach out and cradle your face, you could tell that much, but – tale as old as time – with an audience, even if it was just a possibility that it was your mother, he remained still. “Don’t do this to me, Y/N,” he pleaded, his voice shaky. “Please. I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sosorry.”

“I just think we need to take some time away from each other,” you muttered. “For our own sanity.”

“No,” Billy argued, stepping towards you in desperation. “No, Y/N, I need you. Please don’t do this.”

“I think you need to either make a decision with Sid or be more open with me about what the fuck is going on inside of that head of yours. You can’t go around punching people because you get jealous, Billy. And, until you figure your shit out, I think we should stop this. Whatever this is between us.”

“It’s a relationship,” Billy’s brows furrowed in outrage. “Two people who fucking love each other is a relationship, Y/N.”

A sad smile broke out across your face as you stared up at the starry sky above you. “Two people who love each other but can’t show it. Who have to hide whenever people are around in fear or being seen as anything more than good pals.” You shook your head and met his frenzied stare. “That’s not a relationship, Billy. That’s fucked up. We’re fucked up.” You sniffed and gestured down to the Tupperware in his hands. “Enjoy your food. I’m going back inside now, and I meant what I said. We need some time apart so, please, don’t come around here anymore. At least not until…” you let the sentence hang in the air, unsure of your next few words.

“Until what?” He was clinging to your every word but there was an anger so palpable radiating off of him that made you take a small step back. “Until you decide that you don’t want me anymore? Walk away and leave me like my mother did?”

You cocked your head to the side and hoped like hell the hurt you felt at that accusation didn’t directly show on your face. “If you truly think I would do that, Billy, then we’re even more fucked up than I thought.” You sniffed and began to turn back to your house. “I have a lot of faith in you, Billy, and a whole hell of a lot of trust. It’s about time you showed me that same consideration.”

The raw emotion on his face was jarring and almost made you hang back long enough to console him like you would any other time, but you couldn’t. If he couldn’t trust you, what the hell hope did either of you have at this becoming a real thing? Walking back to your house, your heart broke and any emotion you fought so desperately to keep down began to bubble to the surface. But you wouldn’t break down though, at least not yet.

You always had your cards on the table when it came to Billy Loomis and it was about time that he started showing his, as well.

[gar-trek]

I review killing time (or whatever)

Okay, yes this review has taken me forever and that’s because there’s so much I want to say, and most of it has very little to do with the plot of the book. I cut down a lot of this so you guys could just get to the main point of what I’m trying to say, so I apologize if this is a little brief or incomprehensible to those who haven’t read the book. 

And also, before I get into it, I would like to say rest in peace to the author Della Van Hise, who passed away in march of this year. She contributed a lot to the fandom, especially in regards to K/S fiction, as well as publishing a lot of non-trek related work during her life. 

First of all, if you have heard of Killing Time, there is probably one specific reason for that. It’s the same reason I picked up the book in the first place and why it’s really even a topic of discussion on this site. To put the story quite briefly, Killing Time was recalled during its initial release on account of the book having too many slash elements (aka, the relationship between Kirk and Spock could be read as sexual/romantic). I first heard about the book here in this post where the history of it is worded to sound like one very dramatic mystery. One user (no shade intended here) even goes as far as to say the book was recalled by old Gene himself! Now I’m always one for drama and such, but after reading the book I looked into it a little more, and I don’t think that’s exactly how it went down. 

Here you can find multiple statements from the author herself, in which she tells the whole story. According to her, the book publisher accidentally released an unedited manuscript that was never supposed to make it to the public. So technically the publisher did not recall the book because it was “too gay”, they recalled it because they printed a version that was never meant for the public to see anyway. These were the edits that were specifically requested by Paramount, who the publishers were supposed to go through to get the final okay on all material. And like, yeah, all of Paramounts edits were pretty much to delete any sentence where Spock and Kirk are tender to each other, they were trying to make is less homoerotic, obviously. I understand why this slight distinction may not make much of a difference to you guys, but for me it’s important to note that the book wasn’t recalled because it was too gay, it was just never supposed to be gay in the first place. It doesn’t make that fact any better, but it does make it less dramatic, in my opinion. I encourage you to read the statements from the author on this topic though, because she gives the whole story a lot better then I just did. 

Now to address the main question at hand, does Killing Time depict a romantic relationship between Kirk and Spock, or is it all just hype? (in layman's terms, is the book gay or not?) and to answer quite plainly, yes it’s gay. of course it is. but then to answer less plainly, no. What the fuck do i mean by this? well let me try and explain. 

I read the second edition of the book, aka the censored version, but I also followed along with the first edition (using this great article). The changes made to the book did not effect the plot at all, and were really only minor things. Notably, in the second edition they just kind of left out any part where Spock and Kirk touch each other (and I don’t mean in a sexual way). For example, there is a scene where Spock and Kirk are having a serious conversation in the ships garden. In the first edition, at the end of the conversation Spock places a hand on Kirks shoulder, which Kirk covers with his own hand. In the second addition, all mentions of this simple contact are deleted. The differences between the two are mostly little things like this. There is no secret sex scene or love confession hidden in the first addition. You see, in my opinion, the changes made to the second edition of the book do very little to censor the romantic undertones between Kirk and Spock. That’s because they are ingrained in the plot line itself. 

One very important aspect to this book is that Kirk and Spock share a mental bond. This is something that can only happen between a Vulcan and another when they are extremely close. The mental bond that Kirk and Spock share is so strong in this book, it’s even present when they enter an alternate dimension where they are strangers to one another. There is a romance in this book between two original characters, and their relationship is constantly being paralleled by that of Kirk and Spock. And, maybe most telling, Spock refuses a female Romulan who is very interested in him over and over again simply because Kirk exists. And no, that’s not an exaggeration, here is a line from when the Romulan woman was begging Spock to be in a relationship with her: 

“I need you. The Empire needs you, what more can there be?”

“James Kirk” the Vulcan murmured without hesitation.

That line is in both versions of the book. What I’m trying to say is yes, there are K/S elements in Killing Time. There are many tender moments and lots of talk about Kirk and Spock’s devotion to each other. 

So now you’re asking yourself, Gar, why did you just say earlier that “no, the book is not gay”? Well, that’s because it’s not. This isn’t a K/S book. This isn’t a piece of Spirk fanfiction. Because for as much as this book is about Kirk and Spock’s relationship, it’s even more about Romulans (and more specifically, that one girlboss Romulan Commander from the Enterprise Incident.... bet ya didn't see that coming!) That’s right, the most controversial Star Trek book ever published is at it’s core quite plainly just a Star Trek book. There is weird alternate dimensions, time travel, espionage and lots and lots of Romulans! 

Alright, alright, what I’m really trying to get at here is that yes, if you read into Killing Time there is K/S elements. I mean for god sake the author was a known K/S fanfic writer, that wasn’t a secret by any means. If she wrote their relationship a little more tenderly than most authors would have, can we really be surprised? But writing a K/S story was not her intention here, and that’s not what this is. I think the author put it best herself, so I’m just going to put that here: 

“If people chose to see overtones of K/S in it, maybe it’s because there were overtones of K/S throughout Star Trek itself.”

People will hype up killing time as some secret confirmation that K/S is real and canon, and I really get that. Like, it would be really nice to have some canon acknowledgment of K/S, and I really don’t blame people for acting like that’s what this is. But that really isn’t what this is. And even if there was some kind of love confession, I really hate to break it to you, but the Star Trek novels are just fancy fanfiction and are not considered canon by any stretch (excluding the one Gene wrote himself, which let’s face it, perhaps has the most K/S elements of all). 

If you are looking for a nice story about Kirk and Spock being in love, then I very much urge you to look at Ao3 or similar sites. Skip this, if you want a K/S story, because that’s not what this is. Now, if you’re a huge fan of the Romulan commander from the Enterprise Incident, then my GOD you have to read this. I think this was a pretty solid Trek book. It was no piece of literary genius, but it got the job done. There was a lot of it that I think could have been left out, because it the later half it started to drag horribly, and we got a few plot threads that went absolutely nowhere. I’m not sure I’m much of a fan of alternate universes, as I really really enjoy the established dynamic of the characters, but it didn’t bother me too much. But I mean hey man, there was defiantly parts where I was so invested I couldn’t put the book down. Give this one a read if you’re looking for a pretty interesting Trek book with a little bit of cheeky K/S sprinkled here and there. 

If you have given the book a read, or just have thoughts in general, I’d love to hear them! 

[ricaffeine]

𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 | 𝐎𝐧𝐞

an: i'm sad because of hyunji drought and this is helping me cope :( but fr if tvn decides to make hotel blue moon then yeaji needs to be in it!!

also very annoying, i can't reply to comments bc this is a side blog (bruh wtf tumblr, i'm so sad should i make a new one?) reblog if you feel like it and my asks are open if you wanna chat 🖤✨

CHAPTER TWO

Weekdays at Seoul's National art gallery were usually the same. Buzzing curators dealing with hot-tempered clients. One thing or another was typically going not right and art directors cried about their wrong coffee order.

Although today was not the usual as to the crowds of bubbly news reporters and dazzled art critiques swarming up the wide place. As to Munyeong on the other hand, she was not pleased to the slightest.

"Just smile at the cameras, don't forget about the paycheck you're getting today." Sangin repeated himself for the fifth time. "Don't cause a scene, just think about the money."

Ah right. The paycheck.

As to The Nightmare Garden was bid off for over ten-million dollars, all of today's fanciness was dedicated to her, nation's celebrated female illustrator. However in all honesty, Munyeong barely liked her so-called masterpiece, but considering the amount of cash it will make her, she could be appreciative for the sake of it.

Behind her oversized sunglasses, Munyeong glared at her pesky manager– if looks could kill, he'd already be eleven feet under his grave. Sangin shut his mouth.

"Let's just get this over with," she simply responded, hooking off her eyewear then strutted into the hall with her long legs. Eyes whipped at her and cameras started to flash intensely, almost blinding her and Munyeong wondered how much those little pests could afford her if they got her blind.

And so the event played on. More pictures were taken– as if they hadn't blind her enough cheerful compliments flowed along with the spring breeze. The insincere joker smile she mastered whilst she met her million-dollar client– according to Sangin a hotel owner, though the woman did not have the looks for it– and the glass of filthy wine she almost had a chance to taste if Sangin's sixth sense was not so creepily fast.

Another dreadful two hours later as the dusk had set, hitting the edges with its golden flare, everyone had left. They got their articles and Munyeong will certainly be getting her pools of cash.

To her displease Sangin had informed her to wait as he had to take care of some paperworks she doubted he went to bribe the press into censoring her quoted inappropriate words. 

Nevertheless it was not her bother. She gave his plead a second before storming off to the complimentary section of the building.

Luck on her side, for nobody was there and she was able to grab one of the wine bottles with her– as for a fact it definitely was not stealing.

"Don't be shy, I know you want it."

Munyeong stopped within her steps as soon as an obnoxiously familiar voice echoed from the gallery she previously was in. Curiosity taking the lead, she peaked through the corner and had to muffle her own snort. Stood there, nation's art historian with the sharpest tongue– Choi Seojin.

She finds it hard to believe that his articles are highly known around, or even relevant, when his mouth is full of complete shit. However not disregarding the nastiest tea yet– a frightened girl seized under him. Her hands were locked, frightened eyes grew larger as the man spewed out nasty things.

Instantly, she took out her phone to film the disgraceful scene. Munyeong grinned to herself, reminiscing the rage she felt last time when he mentioned about her mother, and how her irritating manager had interrupted her before she could've sent him down the stairs to Satan.

The man reared into the poor girl's cheek when she attempted to fight him off, and Munyeong's smile dropped.

That piece of shit.

Munyeong entered the room, arms crossed, head high. Her wedge heels clicked against the hardwood as she let out an unamused wow.

Mad dog– what she personally thinks he should be called– 's head whipped at her with wide eyes. Like a child getting caught of lying.

"Oh my. Your hobbies are quite interesting Mr. Choi. Talking shit and sexual harassment?" Munyeong spat. "The girl looks like she'd rather kill herself, why are you even trying?"

As if he thought he could get away with what he just did, mad dog released his foul grip on the girl. Munyeong clicked her tongue and tauntingly held out her phone.

"Oh no, don't bother pretending. Judging by the looks, that won't even favor you at this point." She spared a glance at the quivering girl. "Why are you waiting? Go."

Shakingly and with thankful eyes she nodded and left, her footsteps filling void of silence before it coated the air again.

Mad dog snickered, as if there was something to laugh about. "Don't mess with me Ms. Ko. You know me, I won't die alone."

"Certainly I'll drag you and Mr. Lee down with me. Why do you think they call me the suicide bomb?"

Munyeong walked towards him and spreaded a smile, though even dogs could tell you shouldn't push her further. "You mean the bastard you can't fall down without dragging everyone else with him? Why?"

"I can destroy your career with the tip of my pen, I'm sure you know." He gave her a look, panning out his hand. "Now if you hand me your phone, I think we can compromise something."

Munyeong unraveled her arms, eyes hardening at his next sentence. "You think so?"

"Nation's beloved artist turned out to have antisocial personality disorder. What do you think will happen when people find out?" Mad dog sneered. "Her mother who mysteriously commited suicide–"

"Shut up." She warned. His words lit up the flame from their last encounter, adding fuel to her burning fire. Her head pounded, hard. For a moment she had hoped that if he proceeded as she said, then things would not have to get ugly.

"And her father? Spending his last days in the psychiatric hospital."

But men never listen, do they?

Munyeong tightened the hand around her bottle and striked it at him with full force. The bottom part crashed the wall behind him– just above the hung painting- glass shattered as rich burgundy stained its way down, smearing all over. Its taste fused with the air and Munyeong glowered at the creature who dodged her flawless aim.

"You crazy bitch!" He yelled, scrambled on the floor. But Mad dog was quick to lunge at her, they both hit the ground, stumbling as her open purse had been knocked away– and Munyeong's eyes landed on something very specific.

She was quicker, getting on her feet and spared the bastard a strong kick in the groin, leaving him groaning as she reached for her pen.

Her favorite calligraphy pen– its lining was stunning, coated in shiny teal with hints of gold, but most importantly, the dangerously sharp tip. The way it writes like reaping out blood from your hand– hence why it is a favorite.

She hawled back over and he screamed at her, though she didn't hear him. Her head was light as she felt blood rushed through her veins. Munyeong raised her arm and struck it back down.

Die.

Both of them froze. No, not her and mad dog, but him.

Deafening silence had lied between the walls and there they stood, eyes pierced into another's souls. Hers burned like fire, but his were dignified like the deep ocean.

Droplets of blood trickled down his forearm and splattered the floor, staining the rolled up sleeves of his crisp white shirt. What a waste.

"Let go. You can't kill him." The man– still with a bloody pen graved in his palm said.

Munyeong couldn't help but scoff, especially after that fucking bastard had just strangled her. "Don't be dramatic. I was just going to give him a few scratches."

Well maybe that's not entirely true.

Rough scrambling erupted underneath them, but when Munyeong turned to look, the mad dog had just ran off, like a lost puppy. Angrily she bit her lip, close to drawing blood until she felt the man draw his own hand back.

She watched as he did. The way he carefully slid her pen into his jacket and brought out a black silk handkerchief. Very rarely, she'd be astonished by something, and now it's him. Though she found it quite difficult to understand him– since when do you interrupt another's stabbing session by screwing up your own hand instead, and also the audacity to tell her she could not stab somebody?

So lost in her thoughts it took her a few seconds to realize her pulse was not pounding anymore.

"Did anyone not tell you that it is basic etiquette to not pry into someone else's business?" Munyeong said– seized the napkin from him, and began to tie a knot. She shot him a glance.

No reply. The man simply stared at her.

"Hmm?" She raised a brow, amused at his slight flinch when she tugged a little harder.

"Don't stress it too much, my manager will take care of our little incident." Munyeong chuckled as he proceeded to ignore her. "Do you know what? There are a lot of people in this world who deserve to die. And some very thoughtful freaks secretly take care of that, so clueless humans can sleep peacefully at night, completely unaware. Which one do you think I am?"

She dropped his hand, anticipating for his answer. Flares of light shined through the blinds, sharpening at his strong features and she noted his small– yet devilish smile.

"A clueless freak."

He finally responded, leaning towards her. His eyes traced her face, gazing down at her lips for a second too long, before their eyes were locked once again. "And of course you will have to pay, but at what price?"

taglist -> i could not tag some of ya'll :( @anotherdush @callmeashipper @ourcoffeeaddictme @nothingcreativeyet @pancat @hotstuff-benswolo @lookingatthesunset @evielovesfood @waywarm @gloster @hello-79 @ailander

[samnyangie]

Personal reviews on RSL filmography

Rsl, iI thought it’d be a good idea to record my thought on each films rsl was in, it was something I always wanted to do...

Rsl in total, was starred in (excluding tv series etc) 27-ish films, to be honest, considering his years as an actor(approximately more than 30 years) he wasn’t starred in that many. We all know why lol

Just saying I’m not a film expert, therefore the list is very subjective.

The reviews with trigger warning (r*pe, g*re etc): Tape, Killer: Journal of Murder, A glimpse of hell. Tho in the writing I’ve censored them with * since I don’t feel comfortable saying them here

There isn’t particular spoilers except for dps, tape, and ground control

The favourites (literally my life time films)

Dead Poets Society

I assume many would agree, and as many would have, it was my first ever rsl film, like I was on the plane and it was one of the films they offered, and I was like, oh I think i heard of this, so I watched and instantly loved it. The message is very relevant to this day, the cinematography is very beautiful and somehow nostalgic. I was horrified with Neil’s death. Tbh now I’ve seen too many memes and all kind of things from the fandom (which I’m grateful for!) I thought the heartfelt I once had would deluded a bit, however when I watched it again last April with my family at the cinema and it still moved me very deeply.

The age of Innocence

Okay, unpopular opinion here, I love this so much. It’s my all time favourite rsl film. It even outruns dps tiny winy bit haha. Aside from how he had tiny winy screen time, appearing at the end but the fact that he played quite an important role and him being gorgeous in it just<33 I couldn’t help but smiling! It just the whole film was so much of my cup of tea? The melodrama and the hypocrisy hidden by elegance among the upper social classes in 19th century is just what I needed. The more I watch it, the more I understand the characters and their emotions, it’s one of those films you should keep visit to discover the things you weren’t aware of before. I watched it again this morning and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. However, I know some people find it boring and I understand why, my sister is one of them lol(except for a bit where rsl was in) but i think it’s more complex than what it appears to be at a first glance haha. In conclusion, it became one of my comfort film to watch time to time. 

The ones I like<33

Swing kids

At first viewing, I didn’t expected much because it had underwhelming reviews but when I actually saw it, I thought it was quite decent and more and more I watched it, I felt like it was underrated. Yes, I think some directing choices were bit old fashioned and cheesy especially the ending, I’m not saying it was a perfect masterpiece but it deserves more recognition than it has now. Also in spite that there’re some parts being too simplified, it touched on something other films about ww2 normally don’t. It was interesting to see the German perspective on it than Jewish or the allies perspective like many of them does, but of course the latter perspectives matter, it could be argued that they more valid than the former, which partly was where sk criticised for, however, the portrayal of the varied reactions of the German people (in this one particular the teenagers) has its value in their on way. Anyway along side with it, the music and the dance scenes were great, without exaggeration, though Swing kids isn’t my fav, peter’s solo dance scene is my favourite scene in any movies I’ve ever watched. I mean that scene had both visuals and meaning as it demonstrated Peter’s determination as well as resentment with a hitch of unsureness. Rsl acting in that scene was just phenomenal, it’s not about showing off the dancing skills but he portrayed every mixed emotions peter has from his expression and the moves, I just can’t talk about this enough especially this scene was the reason I started fallen for him. lol

Much ado about nothing

Much ado is something I never seen anything like so it was a refreshing exprience. I barely watched Shakespeare on screen kind of thing. Though I felt there were some bits too cheesy for me but they are also the charms in the same time, and the cinematography was pretty also Claudio aka rsl, it was like an official announcement of declaring my worship on this man. Especially it was after SWING KIDSSSS so I couldn’t help it now everyone knows how I fallen for him but no one can blame meeeeee Anyway, it’s a really good film to watch when you want be relaxed with cup of tea maybe hehe

In the gloaming

I heard about it before I watched it, that it’s a heart wrenching, tearful piece, though I didn’t managed to cry, it’s just.... painful and in a way heartfelt. I liked that story telling was calm and collected rather than forcing you to join the sob party, just showing the characters to carry on. And thanks to the great acting from the cast, the characters could be emphasised and understood, personally the older sister was the most relatable character for me, well, eldest complex lol. In short I liked it but it’s not something I would watch it often.

Last days of Disco

As a person who looks at aesthetic in films, I simply enjoyed this for that tbh. I don’t know, I just liked the feeling. But I don’t think it’d be everyone’s cup of tea. I love the day time clothes the girls wore in the film. Tbh I love the music too, I think I love all the films of rsl with music in it. Speaking about rsl, oh rsl, he’s.... His character might be bit unlikable but he was just.... This is why I can’t unlove his characters even the debatable ones<33

They were decent! (I would recommend it)

Married to it

This is the first and last ever attempt of rsl of romcomssss The film itself is cliche to be frank it’s like love actually but it’s about marriage life + it’s not christmas but I like heartfelt cliche stories like this, if anyone also loves this type of story, it’s really worth watching, it’s one of my comfort films, also, rsl is so pretty I mean he always is but to see him being a office man with a baby face made me go awww my baby grew up heheh I wish he did another romcom like this or more preferably, melodramatic romance, I’d have made a shrine of it and worship it every morning lol

The boys next door

I kind of smiled while watching it throughout, if you want something that is heartfelt and touch on some serious topic about social workers and the people with mental disorder, Rsl plays a character who has (I think it was) Schizophrenia and troubled relationship with his father(Deja vu I know) but general atmosphere tend to be quite humourous. I don’t get me wrong, though it’s light hearted, it doesn’t mean they treat the topic in the same way. There’s a scene where the protagonist imagining the one of the characters with the disorder talking eloquently and honourably at the court on the rights and the dignity of the people with mental disorders deserve to/should have and they’re just the same people as the people without mental disorders. It was a powerful scene.

My two loves

Rsl’s first ever screen debut film! Hehe it’s about a woman who is discovering her sexual identity and the conflicts within I personally thought it was fairly sensible depiction but I can’t say for sure whether it was accurate or else, since I don’t think it’s my place to say it:) But if you’re interested, it’s on YouTube, you can just search for it or go to this post I made. Fun fact: since it was his debut film, it credits him as he’s real name, Robert L. Leonard, I just find it amusing haha

Tape

It’s another type of film I don’t encounter that often, I enjoyed it, especially with Neil and Todd’s reunion lol. Rsl mentioned how he enjoyed it because it felt like doing a play, my first impression was that the structure is like a play, though the camera work made me quite dizzy haha. But the dialogues, the acting, I think it was quite spot on. Especially the human contradictions and hypocrisy side of it. The most people assume the baddie in the film is Jon the character rsl played and has a distaste for him. I mean how can anyone love a character who is accused of r*pe but to be honest, Vincent for me seemed just as problematic, both of them are hypocrites for sure in their own different ways but in the end we can’t be sure what’s really the truth or not. It’s about the vagueness, and phychology and the uncertainty from the audience on who to believe(well, myself included, most would trust on Amy’s claims since she’s the victim in the accusation, but by her denying the claims, making everything way unclear,) so I don’t know. I don’t really have an opinion haha tho I don’t believe nothing happened because Amy denied so, even Umma Thurman who played her, said that her interpretation was that Amy lied. I felt it’s endless rabbit hole this film. Sorry I couldn’t worded it better.

My best friend is a Vampire

It’s cringey and weird but there’re odd charm to it. Vampire rsl’s so cute as well.... and I think it’s the only film, he acted kind of flirty ? So for that itself I’d like to appreciate itttt And it’s so 80s/90s, like it has general odd nostalgia like all films from that age has. I saw a Korean blog about rsl films and this was mentioned, that- they said- it’s a bible of rsl’s adorableness and I think that sum up the film perfectly.

Mr&Mrs Bridge

Before this was in ‘I mean it was fine” category, but I watched it again and now I want to retract my statement lol Still isn’t my fav but I noticed how delicately depicted each characters are, Mr and Mrs Bridge in particular. This film is alternatively about the changes in the young generation regarding liberty, feminism, free expression especially on sex. It’s in the perspective of the bridges, the mother and father who is old fashioned and conservative (as it was normal in their previous generation) and the children who are the young generation, and the misunderstanding and conflicts between them. After all it all happened not only because of the difference but also the lack of communication, which rsl emphasised in his interviews. I found it interesting that they made it seems like the Bridges truly existed with the video footage and (with the ending) describing what happened to each family member in text with photos. When I watched it at first I was really confused if it was based on a real life. I think what they wanted to suggest was that the Bridges every typical American family at the time. It was something everyone was going through. I said previously I didn’t get why Rsl’s character (the youngest in the Bridges) treated his mother so coldly. Honestly I do get why, but I guess I felt so bad so the mother haha

I mean it was fine

The safe passage

It was okay but to be honest it didn’t stood out to me. It was okay. The story, the characters weren’t that interesting. I wish they extended it longer to go depth with their family relationship or something.

A painted house

I find it likeable, it has a chill, old folk story vibe, but same as previous one. it didn’t really stand out except for shirtless rsl, do close ups you cowards

Bluffing it

I was really fond of the premise of this film and I think it has great intention. It was specifically made to promote the awareness of illiteracy and how to get support. However, I don’t get the reason of Jack the protagonist’s illiteracy. Unless, it was common occurrence in America at the time, I feel like it’d have been more convincing if he was in poor family hood, so there was no time to learn at school due to working at young age...? I mean, just finding it hard to believe he passed the high school just like that, I mean the teachers or anyone should have noticed it, maybe I’m missing something here but it seemed unlikely to me.

Ground control

Again, I liked the message, as it depicted how frightening and difficult job the ground controller is, by one mistake could take away the lives of hundreds, especially as someone who goes on planes a lot... But it was quite cliche throughout, I just couldn’t get engaged to it. But I do admit at the end when the protagonist runs off to the landing zone see the pilot who he had just saved, they acknowledged each other and have eye contacts was truly wholesome. Rsl as cocky, bad boy was such a icing on the cake, I loved it so much. Chewing gum in every scene lol I hope he plays these sort of characters more often. I saw someone criticising him saying he has narrow spectrum of just playing nice boy roles like Neil but I really wanted to debunk the narrative and this could be one of the examples! 

Chelsea walls

I knew that this has split reviews but nonetheless I think worth to watch it, 1. Ethan and rsl re union, 2. Ethan is the directer of the film and rsl sing in it. But I have to say, it’s one of those hard to follow art indie film so I couldn’t finish it on one go. I feel like I have to devour it over and over again. Maybe later on I grow fond of it more lol But his character, I loved him so much. He’s just has everyone don’t touch me, I’m a cocky artist vibe, there’s a scene where his annoying friend annoying him and he looks up and says: ‘Fck off’. Absolute golddddd not to mention he sings and plays guitar so beautifully<333

Well... it’s not my cup of tea

The Manhattan project

I don’t think the film it self was that bad, it’s about high school boy who find out the existence of some nuclear energy research lab and stole the energy to make his own nuclear bomb. I just don’t get the thinking process of the protagonist. It really frustrated me. He seemed apathetic and unlikable I disliked him throughout and that’s why I didn’t really enjoyed it. I mean it has humour and ridiculous storyline might be humorous to some. But more importantly there was such little screen time for rsl!! LIKE WHY? WHY PEOPLE?? HE LOOKS LIKE A FRESH HUMAN MOCHI!!! It makes me soooo mad to think about it

Killer: Journal of Murder

Well, first of all, it had a lot of graphic things than I imagined, brutally murd*red bodies, execution, and r*pe scene, gosh I was strucken by it when I saw that, I had to skipped that scene. It’s based on a real event and a real criminal called Carl Panzram, so if you’re aware of it, it might be more intriguiging to see. But personally for me... meh, I don’t think directing was good as it failed to portray it enough for me to comprehend fully.

A Glimpse of Hell

This is also based on a true event of a tragic accident in the us battleship in Iowa in 1989. They shows tragedy lin a blunt, brutal way by showing horribly damaged bodies of the soldiers torn into pieces, all the horrid things directly so be warned about that. I was quite alarmed because i didn’t expect to see it haha there’s no much to say. The film quality was so so for me. I feel their approach wasn’t appropriate, they were clearly trying to make it dramatic which is fine but in a melodramatic emotional way. It didn’t work because first, there aren’t enough portrayal of the characters for me to get attached, secondly it added the unnecessary exaggeration it prevented me from being emotionally involved or even to think about it. In my opinion, I think it’d have been better if they made it more restrained, dry, focus on the accuracy. For example like 1987 or Zodiac, I mean both of them has dramatic elements since they’re not a documentary but they were not overdone, in a contrary added emphasis to their message/conclusion. I know it’s easier said than done but it was something I consistently felt during it.

Sir.... I’m sorry but-

Standoff

Haha... it’s very peculiar... the directing is off and it just weird. I knew it was bad already but I watched it because rsl as a cop with gunssssssss just... so rare and just.... something else. There’s no way of me missing that seriously. Tbh him doing an action stunt isn’t what I imagine when it comes to him and there’s really any actions scenes anyway but it really was something. Like the character he played here really became my soft spot Hehehehe he was pretty and plus, tbh it’s kind of film I’d make fun of while watching so everything was (alomst) forgivable. There is a recent thing I think about, since this is about a cult, I kind of hope he’d at some day play a role like Eli Sunday from There will be blood: a manipulative, deceitful and maddened priest with twisted faith. Though Paul Dano did a grand job, the idea was in my head the whole time. Well, it’s a shame he wasn’t any of those here lol

Driven

From what I seen, the majority of people seem to unanimously hate this film, and after watching it I became one of those ppl. At least Standoff could be make fun of and rsl held gunssss but this...... I want to say so many things... I feel like they should have chose either fancy, fast paced, thrilling racing film or detailed depiction of emotions/relationships with the racers and people involved in it, I know both can be done, but I think that was outside of their ability, but since they tried to do that at once, it became a mess that doesn’t go either way. And the characters, any of them, including rsl’s are narrow or impossible to understand. I mean rsl did great himself, it was not about acting, the problem lies on the script and editing in my opinion. Also there were so many unnecessary characters made me question of their existence. Luckily rsl’s character isn’t one of them, however because of them, he had to squeeze in and unable to elaborate, which is a shame as he was an interesting character and someone rsl rarely plays; a arrogant and opportunist agent/brother of the protagonist, who would do anything for success... ha.... whyyyyy

This is it. If I watch other stuff I might add to it in the future. Overall, I know I’m biased but I do like His filmography, I do have appreciations in every one of them in different way to the good ones to bad. He may have disagree, but I love his acting on screen, well, I barely seen him on stage (crying)

Edit: as some of you could see, I’ve edited this over and over again haha elaborating on thing or the contrary. I can say with a glimpse of hell I practically managed to watch every rsl films out there lol except for the i inside and the short film he did called a dog race in Alaska. But with the former I’m not interested and already know the storyline, and the latter is just impossible to find, trust me I did my best;; 

So to sum up: I HAVE MASTERED THE RSL FILMOGRAPHY!

[prurientpuddlejumper]

Out Tonight (Part 6)

K!nktober 2020 Kink Bingo!: Nipple Play

<- Part 5

Summary: Backstory, Spanish lessons, and finally some sober sex! 🥳 (This chapter is very NSFW/18+)

For @thatesqcrush​​’s Kink Bingo challenge! And with this, I finally finish a row! 

5,420 words

The twenty-minute coffee date Rafael Barba had been dreading somehow turned into hours without him realizing it. The summer morning passed quickly until the sun was at its zenith above the turtle pond, and all of the work-related responsibilities he would have been grinding himself to death on had slipped his mind as he wandered through the park with your hand in his.

It turned out that you did have a few things in common. You both grew up in the Bronx. Though when you told him where, he snorted and joked, “What is an upstanding young lady from Spuyten Duyvil doing with a boy from the projects?”

Your jaw dropped when he told you what neighborhood he grew up in. It was an area you were familiar with mainly as a place to avoid, especially, god forbid, at night. The clean-cut lawyer in a sharp suit did not look anything like what you’d expect from the poverty he came from. You just assumed his family was wealthy.

“That’s incredible,” you said, a new surge of admiration for him stoking the fire of your attraction. You scooted closer on the shaded bench beneath a tall oak you’d stopped to sit on, your bare leg pressing against his slacks. You still hadn’t kissed, everything just barely skirting the romantic. The touch of his hand shot electricity through your skin, just from his fingers brushing yours. Neither of you wanted to push things too far, too fast, considering the guilt still lingering between you. “You must be a genius.”

Instead of boasting with the sly, cocky grin you had learned was among his favorite facial expressions, he grew serious, all but a trace of a smile leaving his lips. “I just worked hard,” he said.

“Really hard,” you said, knowingly, squeezing his hand. “Even people who work hard, who are smart… it’s almost impossible to escape that kind of poverty. The fact that you did it is…”

His inquisitive eyes, matching the foliage behind him, were strained as if deciding whether to share something or not. But he did, quietly. “I still work hard. Every day. It feels like if I make one false step, everything could fall apart. But, I have enough to support my mother.”

“And an impressive collection of ties,” you chimed.

He smirked, lifting your hand to casually press a kiss to the back of your knuckles. “And suspenders.”

Your pulse raced. Looking up and down this flawlessly stylish man, it all made sense. “Dressed to kill,” you muttered. “You wear it like a disguise.”

He frowned, the warmth leaving his eyes. You had touched a nerve. “Would it be a disguise if you wore it, or just because I’ll always be poor deep down?”

“I didn’t mean—OK, I get how that sounded. I just mean… you are exceptionally attractive. Like, really attractive. I mean, why am I telling you? You know that. Look at you.” You continued the obsequious flattery until a sarcastic smile appeared in the corner of his lips. “You know, actually,” you admitted, “I only grew up in a good neighborhood because my dad re-married rich. The weeks I was with my mom… she worked three jobs just to support me and a crummy apartment. I could never actually count on what the step-family would pay for, so sometimes I rode on boats with rich people, and sometimes I lived off canned pasta. It was weird.”

He looked at you appraisingly as he assimilated this new tidbit of information. “It isn’t easy, straddling two worlds.”

“Except you worked your ass off to break into one, and I ran away into the woods and got really into trees. Trees don’t judge you for not fitting in.”

“I’m sorry for judging you,” he whispered, his voice turning surprisingly tender. He lifted a hand and gently brought it to your cheek. You closed your eyes as it made contact, his palm warm against your skin, the pad of his thumb soft as it began stroking your cheek. You leaned forward, and he closed the remaining distance, his lips capturing yours, slow and sweet. It was chaste at first, and careful, but neither of you wanted to break it, and as it continued, his arms wrapped around the small of your back and your shoulder, drawing you in deeper as his heady scent enveloped you, the taste of coffee on his tongue as his lips parted.

“Barba?”

Rafael practically jumped out of your arms as an inquisitive voice called his name, leaving you kissing the air. The voice belonged to a tall brunette woman pushing a toddler along in a stroller.

“Liv!” he practically shrieked in alarm, straightening himself.

You looked between them and the kid, and felt like such an idiot. “Oh my god, you are cheating!”

Liv gave you a look, and burst out laughing. “Sorry, sorry, nothing like that. I’m Sergeant Benson, SVU,” she extended you a firm handshake and explained, “I work with Barba on a lot of cases.” She turned back to Barba with an amused smirk. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your date, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. Counselor, I didn’t realize you had a personal life.”

“It’s a new thing I’m trying. How’s Noah?”

“He’s perfect,” she smiled, cooing at the curly-haired child. “He loves the turtles, so we’re going down to the pond. Beautiful day for a nature walk.”

“She knows every tree,” Barba volunteered, puffing his chest out with the same cockiness he used to talk about himself, tipping his head at you. “Go ahead, test her.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Liv said, bemused. She gave a polite nod and a reminder that she still owed Barba a coffee for some legal thing he had come through on (which only gave you a slight pang of jealousy), and then waved goodbye, walking down the path toward the water.

You sat in silence, recovering. Barba was obviously scandalized to have been caught in a compromising position by a colleague, the tips of his ears turning red. You were glad she wasn’t his wife, but didn’t love having to suddenly confront the fact that he had an entire social life you knew absolutely nothing about. It sort of ruined the intimacy of the moment, tearing the cardboard moon out of your sky too soon.

Barba broke the silence first with a low, drawn-out groan. He turned to you, his eyes soft but flashing with passion, taking your hands in his again. “If we start seeing each other… there is a good chance you will get to know Liv in some capacity.” He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, and on the exhale beseeched, “You cannot tell her how we met.”

The earnestness with which he implored you, holding both your hands, made you burst out laughing. He did a poor job hiding his smile as he watched you double over. When you finally contained yourself, you pecked an innocent kiss to his lips. “We can say we met at a bar. We don’t have to mention all the, uh...” Karaoke. Drunken shenanigans. Dubious consent. Whatever you call we-didn’t-have-penis-in-vagina-sex-but-you-fingered-me-until-we-orgasmed. He grimaced with you as you both recalled all of the things you would not be telling anyone about your meet-cute. Then you started remembering his fingers gliding in and out of you, his hungry lips marking up your skin, and a warm shiver ran down your back. He swallowed, seeing the lustful heaviness creep into your eyes and responding with his own.

He nearly kissed you again, wrapping you in a passionate embrace that would have hastened you to a bedroom, but you pulled back. He said “seeing each other.” You thought this was a fun fling with no strings attached, and the idea that he was already thinking about more made your heart sink with guilt. “I should tell you...”

You never got to finish your thought. Liv had only gotten fifty feet when her phone rang. She was yelling into it frantically, demanding answers. Barba’s phone buzzed with an incoming message. Liv stormed back up the path, waving to him. “There’s been a… development,” she said, censoring the case details in your presence. “They need me at the precinct. You’re probably going to want to come, too.”

“I believe I am already being summoned,” he replied, checking his phone.

“Good. I need to call the sitter. Please let everyone know I’m on my way.” She hurried off, and any hint of flirtation was gone from Barba’s eyes as he stood, fully back in cold lawyer mode as he made a phone call, then another to order a Lyft.

He was already walking with quick, purposeful steps toward the nearest exit of the park when he hung up his last call and turned back to you apologetically. You had been trailing behind him, unsure if he wanted you to follow, and didn’t miss that you were an afterthought. But his regret was sincere. And the truth was, you didn’t mind this serious version of Barba at all—the sober Barba who poured his soul into getting justice and would forget a date he had been enjoying the instant duty called—because you’d seen the drunk version who fell apart, sobbing in your arms when he let down the victims. He had a hard side and a soft side, and so far, there was nothing about him that you didn’t like.

Oh god, you had a crush on him.

“I’m sorry, I have to go. It’s an emergency,” he explained, brow furrowed heavily over yearning green eyes.

Oh god, this was only supposed to be a one-night stand. Maybe a few nights, but a stand nonetheless. How dare he look at you like that?

“It’s alright. It sounds important,” you half smiled.

“Can I call you later?” he asked. His hands were shoved into his pockets, and he had none of the confident swagger usually in his voice. It was a small, hopeful sort of question that told you there were real emotional stakes to your answer.

Oh god, did he have a crush on you, too? Did you have a crush on each other? This was terrible!

Drawn in as if by a magnetic pull, you closed the short distance, threaded your hands between his arms and body, and clasped them together behind his back. His lips quirked as his confidence returned. His hands cupped the sides of your face, then his mouth crashed against yours, fired with all of the passion of desire realized and reciprocated, relief, and longing. It was the type of kiss that would have been drawn out and sensual if it hadn’t been condensed by necessity into a hurried goodbye. You were out of breath and overheated when he broke it, seconds later.

“I’ll be waiting,” you breathed. He gave a hungry growl and a sharp, promising stare that sent a jolt of pleasure straight to your core before running to catch his ride.

***

Barba hated intelligent psychopaths. Even after they’d been put away, there was always some new appeal to fight, a new witness to come forward, some clever misdirection to cast their crimes into doubt. He’d been running around since noon working out deals with witnesses, obtaining warrants, and warning Liv’s detectives that they were being played. Now the sun was hanging low in the sky, and he realized he had never heard Carmen’s futile warning for him to go home already because his secretary didn’t work on weekends when he was pulling overtime. It was just him and his headache.

The time. What time was it?

He sat bolt upright in his leather office chair and groped for his phone. There was a notification from you from an hour ago that he vaguely recalled hearing buzz.

“How’s the emergency?”

He cursed and checked the time. It was getting late. Too late to make a reservation at any of the swankier restaurants he could take you. But he called you anyway, and was delighted when you answered.

“Hey. It’s Barba,” he said.

“I know,” said your amused voice on the other end of the line. “Your contact is in my phone, Sexy Karaoke Lawyer.”

He groaned in a way that was secretly a laugh. “Alright, Lorax. Are you free tonight? I’d like to take you to dinner. Actually, I thought I could make dinner. At my place?”

You gasped with mock scandalization. “Is this a booty call, Mr. Barba?”

He choked. “No. I just—” He stopped stammering when you started cackling like a grinning idiot, and his voice dropped low. “What if it is?”

The sudden shift in confidence caught you off guard, and he heard you swallow. “Then I’ll be there.”

***

It had been ages since he’d had time to make his abuelita’s costillas de puerco recipe. Or rather, it had been ages since he’d made time, considering he hardly had the time to do it now. He rushed through the corner deli at lightning pace to pick up what he needed, and rushed through prep, knowing you’d be over in less than an hour.

He had no idea why he felt such a drive to impress you. Why he needed to see you again so soon when you’d spent hours by his side that morning. The entire short time he had known you had been strange, anxiety-inducing, and guilt-ridden, but instead of hating you, he found himself wanting more.

The truth he didn’t want to admit was, every interaction with you, no matter how awkward, had been underscored by a potent sexual chemistry, and at the moment, he was nothing but a horny teenage boy who wanted to get laid.

That was all. This was some mid-forties hormonal resurgence. Madre de dios, it was a midlife crisis.

Or maybe this was what happened when he stopped getting in his own way. He’d spent years nursing a broken heart, years that turned into decades guarding himself against anyone getting too close. He never thought he’d feel this way again for somebody new. It was too late in life to meet someone who would know him as well as his childhood friends from el barrio, and they were all married by now. But he’d opened himself up just an inch, just for a night, by mistake, and let someone see past the hard, cynical facade, and now he wanted you to know him. He wanted to know you. He wanted to see how this ended. Maybe this was a revelation.

His heart jumped in his chest at the buzz of the door intercom.

***

“Hola, Rafael,” you greeted, and he grinned at the way you pronounced his name with the correct accent. “Oh my gosh, what smells amazing?”

He stood aside and nodded you in. The apartment was tiny, as most city apartments are, but tidy and well decorated. You were immediately drawn to the sturdy dining room table made of solid burl, and admired the natural chaotic pattern of the grain.

“It needs fifteen more minutes,” he said, observing with amusement how you completely ignored the good silver he’d broken out and started stroking the wood.

“What ever shall we do to pass the time?” you pouted innocently. Barba growled low in his throat, cupping a hand around your hip to draw you close, and you responded by pressing your hips flush against his, smiling lustily. Well, you had more or less agreed that dinner was a pretense for a booty call—no reason not to get right to it.

You hadn’t changed, but he was wearing a more casual wine-colored cashmere sweater, and you ran your hand up it, relishing the velvet softness under your palm as well as the shape of his chest. His lips met yours hot and searching, but didn’t stop there. They trailed over the side of your mouth, kissing down your jaw. He pressed wet, hungry kisses along your neck, and you moaned as his tongue lapped over the soft underside of your throat, his hands gliding over your hips. He pulled back by an inch. “Are you sure… you want this?” he murmured.

“God yes,” you moaned with your lips in his perfect salt-and-pepper hair, arousal raising your temperature as your body responded to his touch. “You haven’t been drinking this time?”

“Not a drop,” he replied huskily, somehow making it sound lewd as he resumed kissing the crook of your neck, and over your shoulder. You curled your fingers through his hair, and backed you up until your legs hit the edge of the table, and rested your weight against it, enjoying the feeling of being pinned as you angled your pelvis to grind against his growing erection.

“Oh, Rafa...” you moaned. “Can I call you Rafa?” you asked, not sure if the nickname was too personal. With the emotional baggage of your first night together, you hadn’t been sure if being on a first-name basis was respectful enough.

“You can call me anything you want,” he purred, his teeth gently pinching your shoulder.

You made a deep, chesty noise, sinfully considering that. “Don’t give me such broad permission, or you might regret it… papi.”

He groaned, and you felt his cock kicking against your cunt. Bunching up your skirt over your hips, you rocked your hips against him, panting just from feeling the strength of his arousal through his clothes. “Yes,” he hissed softly, holding you firmly against him as he worked his clothed erection against your panties, growing more excited with every mewl and shudder it drew from your lips. “That night was… moronic… but I remember the way I felt… how much I wanted you.” He turned his head and sucked a light bruise into your neck. “Do you still feel that way?”

You dipped your head to coax him back to your mouth, his pink lips wet with saliva as your tongue tasted them. “I wanted you to fuck me so bad,” you groaned, jerking your hips for emphasis on the word fuck. “But your fingers are very skilled… and your mouth...” You kissed him again, and felt his hand reach between your legs to slide your panties off.

His fingers paused halfway down the elastic. “Is this moving too fast?” he panted, suddenly trying to be reasonable. The kind of thing you would worry about if you were building a long-term relationship.

“Shh,” you hushed him gently. “I don’t want to think about too fast or too slow, or how different our lives are, or what’s going to happen after tonight. We’re just two strangers having fun. Can’t it just be that?”

He kissed you so softly, then. So tenderly that he could only have been subliminally trying to convince you of something more. His heart drummed with possessive affection; he already knew he wanted more than just tonight. At least the primitive, reckless part of him that didn’t overthink and over-plan every decision did. The rational part of him and the part that would say anything to please you came to an accord as he nodded, lips moving against your skin, “It can be.”

You grabbed his wrist and helped him slip your underwear the rest of the way off, stepping out of them and kicking them aside. His fingers didn’t immediately plunge themselves into your drenched folds, and his hips didn’t immediately return to grind against your wetness. His intelligent, cocky green eyes gave you a probing stare.

“Y qué quieres hacer esta noche?” he purred, low and seductive, giving you a choice.

“Oh, papi, me encanta cuándo hablas español. I want you to do anything you want to me. Anything,” you moaned, fairly certain that, with one or two exceptions, you really meant it. This man turned you on in ways you’d never experienced. There was nothing you wouldn’t try if he wanted it, and you knew he’d stop the second you asked, which made you feel bolder.

He chuckled. “Don’t give me such broad permission, dulce naturalista.”

The promise of mischief in his voice made you shiver, your cunt dripping. “Anything, papi. I just… want to know that you want me.”

He hummed. “This dress, this flimsy thing,” he hooked his index fingers through the narrow shoulder straps and tugged. “Did you know I’ve been staring at it all day, thinking about doing this?” He pulled the front down, just by a few inches, and freed your nipples. He dipped his head, and you gasped as he took one in his mouth.

“Oh god, it feels so good,” you whined as he began to suck, rolling the other between his thumb and forefinger. It was like he had a direct connection to your clit. He wasn’t even touching you there, but a hot pressure began to build between your legs as he devoured your sensitive nipples.

Then he suddenly released, your hard peak popping out of his mouth with a wet sound, and you whined for him not to stop. “Tu no dominas el español, verdad?” he asked.

“Qué?” you blurted, confused, but answering his question by not understanding it.

“I didn’t think so,” he said, a devilish look in his eyes. “You need practice, so I’ve decided I’ll only give you what you want if you say it in Spanish.”

“Pero… Qué pasa si… yo no sé… how to say it in Spanish?” You did want to learn more dirty talk, but this game didn’t seem fair. You wanted him to keep sucking your tits.

“You said I could do anything I wanted...” he reminded you, bringing his hand back to one of your breasts and kneading it tormentingly slowly. “Si no lo sabes, intenta. Practica, practica, practica.”

You wondered if this was some sort of dominance thing, or if he just liked watching you struggle with his native language. It was a bit exciting, though, you had to admit. Your pulse was racing with a mixture of arousal and embarrassment, because you genuinely had no idea how to say what you wanted. “Mis… pechos? Tu lengua. Por favor.” you pointed from his mouth to your breasts.

“Por favor, chupa mis pezones,” he corrected. “Repite.” You repeated it, and before you’d finished the last syllable, he replied, “Con gusto,” and began stimulating your nipples to the point of torture with his nimble lawyer’s tongue.

“Oh god,” you whimpered, your voice high and pleading, “It feels so good.” You bucked your hips into his and curled your fingers around the back of his head trying to force him to keep going, but he pulled back.

“En español,” he chided.

“En serio?!” you complained, but he simply watched you with his eyebrows quirked, waiting. “Me siento bien?” you tried. He smiled approvingly and lowered his sultry mouth to your skin again, flicking your hardened peak while pinching it between his lips. This time he pushed his hips back against yours so you could feel the heat of his erection on your pussy, and it sent new waves of electricity coursing through your body, which was already heaving just with the attention to your breasts. “Por favor, más... Oh god, yes,” you whimpered.

“Qué sabor muy rica, tu piel,” he murmured, muffled in your skin. “You taste delicious.” The vibrations from his speech tore a choked whimper from your lips, and you bucked your hips against his cock.

You bit down on your lower lip, fighting your rising climax even as you lifted one leg, wrapping it over his hip, to hasten it. “I’m gonna—oh god, you’re going to make me come just from this!”

“Voy a venir,” he coached you in a firm, teacher-like voice that nearly made you double over with arousal. “O puedes decir, ‘Me vas a poner a venir.’”

“M-me pon… ah!” he lightly nipped at your sensitive peak, turning the rest of what you were trying to say into helpless babble. “Please, please fuck me… oh god.” Before he could correct you, you remembered what he’d taught you in the bar right before begging you to leave with him so he could fuck your brains out. “Dámelo duro, papi.”

His whole body shuddered as he took in a shaking breath, but sober Barba never lost control until he decided to surrender it. As much as he wanted to fuck you, he was having too much fun teasing you. “You could also say, ‘Quiero que me coges,’” he explained academically, and you growled with frustration, writhing under him, your cunt seeking purchase against his cock. “If you’re going to speak a language, you’ve got to practice it,” he said, his voice far too calm and even for the circumstance, even with its wicked undertone.

“Dámelo! Por favor! Dáme tu pinga!” you begged frantically, rapid-firing off every way to ask for his cock that you could think of. You reached between your bodies and grasped his engorged sex through his tightened pants and stroked him hard from balls to tip. Your efforts were rewarded with an involuntary whine, Barba’s hips jerking forward.

“Me rindo,” he whimpered in surrender. His breath was ragged and he looked ready to fall apart. You purred with victory, but as you slowed the furious pace of your stroking, he recovered enough of his senses to smirk through his lust. “Pero primero, quiero saborearte.” His voice was thick, and his eyes dark as a tropical storm on a Caribbean island. He lifted the leg you’d wrapped around him up onto the table, and knelt beneath you. “Con tu permiso?”

You nodded, gasping sharply even before his tongue made contact with your soaked pussy just from the obscene expression on his face as he opened his mouth and extended the point of his tongue as he slowly leaned toward you. Your hands braced behind you on the table for support. Then you cried out loud when that tongue did hit you, slightly cold from the air, but quickly warming to match you as his mouth closed over your whole cunt. “Ah, que rica,” he sighed into your pussy, lapping at your slippery arousal with broad, languid strokes of his tongue, unhurried, as if he were aiming for no particular goal but to enjoy your flavor. “So wet for papi. Qué buena estudiante eres. Good students should be rewarded.”

He finally stood back up to his full height in front of you and removed his pants and underwear, letting them fall around his ankles, and his cock sprang free. You gaped down at it in awe. “Oh god, look at that cock,” you practically drooled. You automatically reached down and started stroking it, babbling on about what a thick, beautiful cock it was. He was too lost in the touch of your fingers wrapped around his shaft to even complain that it wasn’t Spanish.

“Ah, condoms!” he interjected before pushing himself inside you like every muscle in his body was screaming to do. “I’ve got some in the bedroom.”

You chewed your lip, not sure if this would come off the wrong way since he wanted to be responsible, but you slowly said, “We don’t need to use one if you don’t want. I’m on the pill, and I don’t have any STDs.”

His stormy eyes pierced into you, clearly tempted, but he couldn’t help remarking cynically, “If you give me a disease, I swear...”

“I’m afraid I don’t have my medical records on me, so I understand if you don’t want to take my word for it. I don’t know why I’m blindly trusting you.” That was a lie. Everything about Rafael Barba screamed precision, caution, and consent, and even after such a short time knowing him, you were absolutely certain he would never put you at risk. In fact, there was no way he’d ever have unprotected sex with a stranger.

Except his very next words were, “Fuck it,” and he hooked his arm under your elevated leg, and began rubbing his thick cock through your folds, coating it with your slick arousal. “You are absolutely sure you want this?” he looked at you with soft, understanding eyes, checking for any doubts.

You let out a needy whine, rolling your hips to rub your pussy against the tip of his fat cock. “Te quiero,” you whimpered, intending to say you wanted it, but his cheeks reddened and his heart flipped as you said something better translated as I love you.

You wouldn’t realize your mistake until much later, thinking back on it, or understand why his face was suddenly frozen between tenderness and panic, and then dawning realization, relief, and a small, barely noticeable wince of disappointment.

He entered you slowly, letting you feel every inch of stretch from his cock. Like the rest of his build, it was not the longest you had ever seen, but it was impressively girthy, and each blissful inch he worked you open brought the slightest fraying edge of pain. He knew his size could be a challenge, and was practiced at preparing, and patience. You were already so dripping wet, you didn’t need extra lube, though he had it on standby, and watched you carefully, pausing to let you rest every time he advanced. As he waited, feeling your walls relax to accept him, he ducked his head to your breasts, savoring the helpless squeals you made when he gave attention to what he learned was one of your most sensitive erogenous zones. Every time he flicked his tongue over your nipple or sucked its hardened peak into his mouth, your cunt twitched around him and your back arched to take more of him. It worked so well, he never stopped teasing your breasts, and your silent cries of, “Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god!” grew in intensity until you were screaming with pleasure, fist clenched in his hair as you held him to your chest, and his balls were pressed tight against your ass.

Panting hard and moaning into your breasts, he began to thrust, slowly at first, but you wrapped your legs around his back and used them as leverage to buck your hips into him, pushing back into each of his thrusts, deepening them and coaxing him to increase his pace. As you angled your hips, he began hitting a deep point inside that made your legs turn to jelly. “Dámelo bien duro,” you tried to say, but it mostly came out as unintelligible gasps and whimpers. His mouth never left your tits and you loved the angle it gave you, being able to watch his face, strained with concentration and clouded with lust, and his tongue working diligently to bring you to a climax that took you off guard with how suddenly it crashed over you. You couldn’t say there was no buildup to it, because you had been in throes since he first pulled down your dress, but he had barely begun to thrust when the heat coiling in your lower back suddenly tightened and snapped, shooting sparks behind your eyelids. “Ah—Rafa!” you wailed, squeezing your fingers in his hair.

He gasped, releasing the globe of your breast from his mouth at the wracking of your body in his arms. Your pussy convulsed, clenching tightly around his cock, coating it in your sweet release, almost too tight for him to thrust through. One more jerk of his hips through your rippling, fluttering muscles and he let out a string of swears, and you felt his abdominal muscles tense up against your belly. He pulled back and thrust into you once more, balls swinging against your ass, and his hot seed flooded you. He panted, trembling, still trying to hold onto you, though halfway sitting on a dining table without knocking off any of the plates was not the most ideal location for post-coital recovery cuddling. He grabbed a few paper napkins from behind you to catch the drippings as he pulled out.

It was over too fast, a testament to how long it had been for him. Both of you, really. But you weren’t disappointed. He made you come almost entirely with that silver tongue of his, and you were still shaking too much to take your weight off the table and put it on your legs.

The timer on the oven rang shrilly, announcing dinner was done.

“After dinner,” he promised, pulling his pants back on. “Quiero más de tu cuerpo.”

You were satisfied, but not yet sated, and looked forward to round two.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

@beccabarba​ / @caked-crusader / @itsjustmyfantasyroom / @thatesqcrush​ / @dianilaws / @permanentlydizzy​ / @mrsrafaelbarba​ / @da-po / @madamsnape921 / @charlottegrice / @onerestein

[breanime]

Eve getting hurt and the whole family defending her. Especially if this is when she’s officially with Miguel

(This has been in my inbox for a while now, so I hope you like this! It got kind of long, and kind of violent, so... be aware of that, haha!)

Miguel never really worried about his work impacting his family before. Before the kids came, he was the only person he had to worry about. Then, when they moved in, they were already pretty well-versed in having to look after themselves, so Miguel didn’t worry about them too much. He still worried--he couldn’t help himself--but he took solace in the fact that when push came to shove, any one of them could give as good as they got. So he didn’t worry so much.

And then he got a phone call at 11:38 at night.

“Don’t panic,” Eve’s voice had made his heart stop. She was calling from an unfamiliar number, and her voice sounded odd...

“Where are you?” Miguel asked, already getting up from his desk, his heart pounding. 

“St. Catherine’s,” she answered, “there was... an accident.”

The pause between her words told him everything he needed to know about why she was at the hospital. “Accident” was her censored way of saying “attack”.

“Are you safe now?” He asked, trying to keep his voice level, even as his heart was doing angry flips in his chest.

“I’m safe,” she answered, the timber of her voice letting him know that she was telling the truth, “I just have a few cuts and bruises--”

“--We’re on our way.”

Miguel marched downstairs, his mind supplying a million horrific scenarios that could have happened to his Eve. Spooky, Rio, and Angel were in the living room when Miguel got downstairs, and he could hear Didi and Coco arguing about poptarts in the kitchen. As soon as Spooky saw his Uncle, he knew something was wrong.

“What happened?” He asked, frowning over at Miguel’s tense face.

“Eve’s in the hospital,” Miguel answered.

Coco was in the room before Miguel’s mouth even closed. “What? Is she okay? What happened?” He asked, eyes wide.

“She’s okay, she said she has a few cuts and bruises,” Miguel explained quickly, “She didn’t want to say much over the phone, but this was an attack,” his eyes were hard as he looked over at his family, seeing the same rage and worry he felt reflected in their eyes. “Let’s go.”

Angel and Coco took their motorcycles while Spooky and Rio drove themselves and Didi rode with Miguel, gently assuring him that Eve was okay.

“Whoever hurt her,” Didi said, her dark eyes flashing, “is dead. Soon as we find out who did this to her, we’re putting them in the dirt, Uncle Miguel.”

He nodded. “No mercy.”

“No mercy,” Didi agreed, “just pain.”

Coco beat them to the hospital by about 75 seconds, he was already rushing towards the entrance when Miguel pulled up. A moment later, Angel, Spooky, and Rio pulled up as well, and they walked into the hospital together.

Miguel had seen some terrible things in his life, he’d lost both of his siblings, he’d been shot at and stabbed, underestimated and mocked, but he’d risen above it all. But now, as he waited at the front desk for the nurse to check the files and tell them which room Eve was in, Miguel felt that this was the worst moment of his life.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they were led to Eve’s room.

And Miguel’s heart broke.

His Eve, his strong, unstoppable Eve, was sitting on the hospital bed, her wrist wrapped in gauze and visible cuts and bruises on her face. She smiled when she saw them, reassuring them that she was fine. 

“Hey,” she said softly. 

Didi was across the room and practically in Eve’s lap in seconds, tears in her eyes as she held her pseudo-mother. Rio held the door open for the nurse, closing and locking it once she exited the room. 

“Are you okay?” Didi asked, sitting up and putting both hands on Eve’s face, careful not to hurt her. 

“I’m fine,” she smiled softly as Didi got up, giving Miguel a chance to come over.

He sat on the edge of her bed, his eyes taking in each and every cut and bruise, committing each wound to his memory because regardless of who did this to her, and the end of the day--it was his fault. 

“Tell us what happened, mi amor,” he said softly.

“A car was following me. Black. Sedan. Tinted windows. I did all kinds of turns to lose them, but it didn’t work,” she shrugged one shoulder, “They hit me,” she spoke matter-of-factly, recounting the details of her attack with that objective tone she used in her work, “I lost control of the car. I think I lost consciousness for a second, but when I opened my eyes, three men were standing over me. They had dragged me out of the car and towards a ditch,” her eyes lost focus, and she stared at the air, “I thought I was going to die.”

Miguel felt tears in his eyes; he blinked them back quickly, holding onto his rage instead of his grief.

“They said they had a message,” she went on, turning to Miguel, “for you. They said you owed a cut of your profits to their family, that you did jobs in their territory...”

“Were they Irish?” Spooky asked, his fists balled at his sides.

Eve nodded. “Who are they?”

“Fucking McAllen brothers,” Angel growled out, “They’ve been begging for a piece of our shit for months now...”

“Why would they get a cut?” Eve asked, frowning. “They don’t have a part in this.”

“Because they’re greedy and weak,” Rio answered, “That’s why they attacked you...”

“I’m so sorry, Eve,” Didi said tearfully, “this is on us, we should have handled this weeks ago...”

“It’s fine,” Eve smiled, “I’m fine. This wasn’t your fault.” She reached out and brought her hand to Miguel’s face, her eyes staring into his, “This wasn’t your fault,” she said again. 

He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to it. “I promise you, mi amor, they will never hurt you again.”

“I know they won’t,” she leaned close, her forehead on his, “as soon as they said they had a message for Galindo, I knew they were too dumb to live,” she smirked, “Everyone knows you don’t fuck with the Galindo family.”

He smiled back, his heart full of love for her and hatred for the McAllens. 

“They gonna let you go home tonight?” Angel asked, now that the tension had cleared a bit since the family had non-verbally all agreed to a good old fashioned revenge murder. 

Eve shook her head, pulling back from Miguel, “They want me to stay overnight in case I have a concussion or anything like that,” she smiled over at Coco, her son in every way, “I was hoping Coco could stay with me, if that’s okay.”

Miguel nodded, knowing that if he wasn’t there with Eve, Coco was the next best thing. Coco would walk through fire for Eve; he’d never let anything bad happen to her under his watch. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, feeling her body, soft and solid and warm, close to his. “I’ll pick you up first thing tomorrow,” he promised her. He stood up then, and said one word: “Coco.”

Miguel and his nephew went outside, Coco smoking as he leaned against the wall, and Miguel pacing--something he never did.

“You want a square, Tio?” Coco asked, staring off into the night.

Miguel shook his head, stopping in his tracks. “I need you to stay by her side,” he said, turning to Coco, “all night. Okay?”

Coco nodded back, “Yeah, of course.”

“Are you armed?” 

Coco lifted his shirt, exposing the gun tucked into the waistband of his pants. “Always.”

“Good,” Miguel resumed his pacing, “Tonight, we’ll handle the McAllens,” he stopped, already anticipating Coco’s objections, “I know you want to be there, but it has to be done tonight. Immediately,” he turned, his eyes burning, “It’s gonna be a message to every single piece of shit family, gang, club, and cop in this fucking state. You mess with one of ours, you hurt one of ours, and you get a bullet in the skull. Immediate retaliation.”

“Yeah,” Coco nodded, “yeah, okay... I’ll keep her safe, I promise.” 

That night, after kissing Eve goodbye, Miguel, Spooky, Rio, Angel, and Didi went to work. Didi prepped the basement in the warehouse, directing the men Miguel lent her as they got the area ready.

“There’s gonna be a lot of blood,” she said as they moved a bench to the center of the room, “Make sure the drains aren’t clogged.”

Meanwhile, Spooky, Angel, and Rio donned black masks and effortlessly broke into the eldest McAllen brother’s home. He was the hardest to take down; he slammed a vase against Spooky’s head and got a few good licks in on Rio and Angel, but he went down eventually, his eyes rolling to the back of his head once Angel finally knocked him out. They cuffed him and threw him into the back of the van where Miguel was waiting. 

“Two more to go,” he said, barely even glancing at the bleeding man in the back. 

The other two McAllens were easier to wrangle; the younger brother was drunk off his ass at a bar, so all Spooky had to do was ask which stall he was in before every dude in the bathroom quickly pointed him out. The middle brother had cried and begged, saying it was his brothers who wanted to go after Eve. 

“I told them, it’d be so much easier to just snatch the little girl for a few hours and drop her back off with a note or somethin’--”

“The little girl?” Rio asked, blood going cold. “Letty?”

They brought him to the warehouse with more than a few bruises. He was coughing up blood when the boys plopped him onto the bench with his brothers. 

“So Eve wasn’t their first choice for a mark,” Spooky reported as Miguel donned a yellow raincoat, “They were considering grabbing Letty.”

Miguel froze, his murderous intentions going into overdrive. “They what?”

The three brothers, ducktape over their mouths, made noises of contrition. 

“I already promised Coco I’d make sure I pick up the slack for him, since he isn’t here,” Angel said, cracking his knuckles, “but now I think I’m gonna have to kick it up a notch.”

“In a minute,” Miguel said, turning around with a hacksaw in his hands, taking a small bit of pleasure at the looks of fear on the men’s faces, “There’s no need to rush, Angel. We got all night.”

The next morning, Miguel went to pick Eve up from the hospital. When he walked in the room, she and Coco were having breakfast--delivery from their favorite cafe. Eve smiled over at him, that beautiful, warming smile that had Miguel weak in the knees, and he smiled back.

“Everything’s been taken care of?” She asked as Coco grabbed her bag, and Miguel kissed her hello. 

“Mm hmm,” he answered, holding her close, his hand reaching out and caressing her face, careful not to upset her bruises, “We sent several messages last night... tiny, little messages wrapped up in leaking boxes,” he kissed her slowly, “and I’m conducting interviews for a security detail later today.”

“Security?” She pulled back, making a face. “Miguel, I don’t want security--”

“--it’s Nestor Oceteva,” he interrupted with a smile.

Eve laughed, rolling her eyes. “Of course it is. I thought Nestor was overseas?”

“Nope. He was honorably discharged last month, and he’s looking for work,” Miguel answered, eager to get back to kissing her.

“Who’s Nestor? You got another random nephew, man?” Coco asked, sighing. 

“He’s an old friend,” Miguel said back, “Eve and I have known him for years. I trust him. Oh,” Miguel fished something out of his pocket and tossed it to Coco, who caught it right out of the air. It was a key.

“What the fuck is this for?” Coco asked, confused.

“The warehouse,” Miguel said back, “There’s a storm cellar in the basement. In the cellar is a trunk. In the trunk is a young man who was against targeting Eve,” Miguel looked over at Coco, that cool anger clear in his eyes, “because he thought it’d be more potent to kidnap Letty.”

Coco and Eve reacted at the same time in the exact same way: “What?”

“Yeah. Spooky was ready to end him, but Rio said it’d be better if it was you,” Miguel said, “Last I checked, he was still breathing, but I don’t know how much longer he’ll last--”

“Gracias, Tio Miguel,” Coco ground out, grabbing his jacket, he turned back, stomping over to Eve and giving her a quick kiss to the forward, “I’ll be home in a few.” And then he was gone. 

“Are they all dead?” Eve asked, looking up at Miguel. “The other two, I mean?”

He nodded, his hands going to cup her face. “The older two brothers are split up between about eight boxes all over town,” he reported, “And no one should ever hurt you again. I am so sorry, mi amor.”

“Shh,” she smiled up at him, her murderous love, “don’t be sorry, baby. You handled it, and I’m safe now. We are all.” She learned over and kissed him, and Miguel’s body finally relaxed now that she was safe in his arms, and her attackers were either dead, or well on their way to being dead. “Now take me home.”

So he did. And as news spread of the three McAllen brothers’ mutilated bodies, everyone who operated in the criminal underworld got the message loud and clear:

No one--absolutely no one-- messes with the Galindo family and lives. 

*******************************************************************************************

Okeeeeeey, that’s that, folks! PLEASE let me know what you think of this: if you liked it or not, if you had a favorite part, do you think the fam reacted accordingly? I wrote this all while watching murder shows on ID, so maybe that’s why it was especially murder-y lol...

Anyway--lemme know what you think, babes!

[fromthefishbowl]

10 italian songs that are terribly horny

Kind of a sequel of this post I wrote about the three Italian songs every Italian knows without fail, here comes another in the same vein and, as you might guess from the title of the post, they all are horny.

Because there’s absolutely no need to title your fic about Nicky losing his virginity after a Hozier song, when the Italian music scene of the 1970s has already blessed us with Cristiano Malgioglio!

Beware that this list features: threesomes, implied choking, implied masturbation, lengthy descriptions of dicks, and a whole lot of “dying”.

So, if you’re new to the Italian music scene, I bet you now have two questions: who is Malgioglio, and why is that “dying” in between quotes?

Cristiano Malgioglio is an Italian songwriter who has been working in the music industry since the early Seventies. Now known mostly for his flamboyant style and white strand of hair in his otherwise completely black head, he was a close friend of Fabrizio de Andrè, who was actually the one who introduced him to the music world. He has written a lot of songs that are LGBT+ themed and has always been very open about his sexuality, to the point that he has never even felt the need of coming-out. Out of the ten songs here presented, he has written three of them, and one of them is about one of his boyfriends.

As the censorship didn’t allow for song lyrics to be too explicit, songwriters and singers had found a way around it: rather than saying “coming” or “orgasming”, they would go with “dying”, which was a lot more elegant and could be inserted in literally every song without the censors being able to complain. And, trust me, there’s a lot of dying.

Here is the list, from the least horny to the most horny.

Chi Non Lavora (1970), by Adriano Celentano

Link to lyrics and translation here.

Commonly called Autunno Caldo (Hot Autumn), the workers strike that begun in 1969 and dragged itself into the August 1970 greatly influenced this piece (but for all the wrong reasons). Workers were demanding safer working conditions, which had been completely ignored up until that point. As the days went on and the more people joined the protests, the police got more and more violent, to the point that they had begun shooting people on sight. This caused a huge uproar from the protestors, and when the voice that people had been shot and harmed by the law enforcement, even more workers and even students joined the fight. Through a year of strikes, they forced the Italian government to create a new set of laws that would protect both workers and students.

The song mocks this movement: the singer complains about the fact that, since he is on a strike two days out of three, he cannot give his wife enough money and therefore she’s going on a strike too and won’t have sex with him. Basically this song is nothing but the woes of a privileged, extremely wealthy man who thinks that people protesting for the rights of a safe work environment is inopportune and stupid.

The only reason why I included this song is because “Chi non lavora non fa l’amore” (Those who don’t work don’t make love) is still very much used to this day. If you want a piece of media that actually explores the protests and the work environment of the time, I suggest watching La Classe Operaia va in Paradiso (The Working Class goes to Heaven), a movie from 1971.

10 Ragazze per Me (1969), by Lucio Battisti

Link to lyrics and translation here.

Lucio Battisti is a national treasure and if I’ll ever do more of these, he’s surely going to end up in more of them. Whereas De Andrè would write more traditional music and focus on the lyrics, Battisti’s music was a lot more danceable and his lyrics a lot lighter, usually focusing on loneliness and heartbreaks rather than social issues.

In this song, the protagonist is bragging about how he wants ten girls for himself, all for different reasons (one because she knows how to dance, the other because she’s a virgin, that other one because she has been with everybody but him). It is soon revealed, however, that the only reason why he’s doing it is because he’s still thinking about a very specific girl who broke his heart.

Remembering the note above, peep that “And red lips to die upon”.

Gelato al Cioccolato (1979), by Pupo

Link to lyrics and translation here.

First song written by Cristiano Malgioglio and also the one about his ex! And yes, it was sung by another man, but... oh, well. The lyrics are the same.

I feel like the only thing I need to say, about this song, is to quote it directly: “Chocolate ice cream, sweet and a little salty”. And that’s it, because the subtext is right there and it’s impossible to miss what it implies.

What I think should be added is the fact that the singer had absolutely no idea of what the song was about. Like none. It was only in 2007 that Malgioglio told him that he had been inspired to write it after spending a torrid summer in Tunisia, where he had gotten a boyfriend with whom he’d often get ice cream.

Carlo Martello Ritorna dalla Battaglia di Poitiers (1967), by Fabrizio de Andrè

Link to lyrics and translation here.

Translating this song absolutely murdered me: Paolo Villaggio, one of De Andrè’s best friends and an extremely important figure in Italian entertainment history, wrote it to play over Middle Ages sounding music, so the words chosen and the way sentences are structured are reminiscing of that time, and it was incredibly hard to find English words that matched.

This said, it’s possibly one of De Andrè’s most light-hearted songs (probably because he and Villaggio wrote it while their wives were giving birth to their sons), even if it does mention social issues.

King Charles Martel comes home from Poitiers but has lost the key to his wife’s chastity cage, so he doesn’t even go home before looking for another girl that can quench his thirst. He sees a beautiful maiden taking a bath and, seduced, convinces her to have sex with him. It is only when he has finished that she reveals that she’s actually a prostitute and now he has to pay her, but he runs away before doing so (but still after having complained about the rising prices).

The lyrics of this song were censored and fought against by the censorship so much that, even to this day, records with the uncensored version are extremely difficult to find.

Una Carezza in un Pugno (1968), by Adriano Celentano

Lyrics and translation here.

Yes, another Celentano song. I don’t like him either, it’s just that we cannot get rid of him for some reason.

Anyways, here we begin to get into hotter waters, as this song is about a man asking his girlfriend to think of him while she masturbates. Of course, since he cannot be left out of the question, he will think of her while he jerks off too.

Basically, unlike what a first read might make you think, the “fist” he makes while thinking of her is not because he wants to beat her up.

Il Triangolo (1978), by Renato Zero

Lyrics and translation here.

Renato Zero is another extremely flamboyant personality of the Italian music scene, and “Il Triangolo” is one of the songs of his that are best known.

As the title may suggest, this song is about a threesome. The protagonist goes on a date with their boyfriend and finds out that he has brought a second man, with the intention of convincing said protagonist to have a threesome. Although at first they need a little convincing, the protagonist then agrees to it and finds out they enjoy it a lot, to the point of coming to the conclusion that “Geometry is not a crime”!

Kobra (1980), by Donatella Rettore

Lyrics and translation here.

This song is about dicks, there’s no way around it and there’s nothing else to say. The singer sees a certain man and thinks about his dick, getting wet and fantasizing about the many things she could do with said dick. That’s it.

Pensiero Stupendo (1978), by Patty Pravo

Lyrics and translations here.

Second threesome song!

Unlike “Il Triangolo”, this song is a lot more subtle. It’s clear what the singer is talking about, but the lyrics are not as on the nose and leave more to the audience to feel it, rather than hearing it through words.

The song begins with the three people part of the threesome that are already doing it, and are still doing it by the time the song ends. It’s not about the act in and on itself, but more about the sensations it brings.

Ancora ancora ancora (1978), by Mina

Lyrics and translation here.

Second song written by Malgioglio!

Mina is probably one of the best known Italian singers, as her voice is said to be one of the best in recorded history and has an impressive rage of three octaves, so it really says something, the fact that this piece is so difficult that even her voice broke while holding a note (in an incredible way that only gives it character, but still).

The lyrics play with the fact that in Italian the word “ancora” can be translated and understood as “still”, “again”, and “more”. I couldn’t really give it justice in the translation, but it’s as if she was saying “Your hands still”, “Your hands again”, and “More of your hands” at the same time, and this kind of logic is repeated for every “ancora” she sings.

Even if the lyrics are suggestive, what was censored in this case was the video (the one linked with the song), as the close shots of the singer’s face, and especially of her mouth, were considered to be too sensual to be freely aired.

L’importante è Finire (1975), by Mina

Lyrics and translation here.

Third and last piece written by Malgioglio!

The story behind this song is a little nebulous, but I have read that apparently Malgioglio wrote it for Dori Ghezzi, De Andrè’s wife, but that that project never came to life and, in the meantime, he had managed to meet Mina, and had tried to get her to sing it. But... not sure if this story is directly related to the song in question or not.

Anyways, even for this piece it’s impossible to escape it’s meaning, to the point that, even if it didn’t contain any forbidden words, it was censored anyways for weeks, forbidding radios to air it and Mina to sing it on TV. However, people were so eager to listen to it that it still managed to climb the charts and was, eventually, allowed on air.

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 16

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Warnings: Mention of car accident/death/depression

; Word Count: 5k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Thanks for keeping with me after the hiatus! There may be another next week but for now, here’s part 16 :) I hope you all enjoy, please reblog if you do so that others can see it as well! Leave me comments and asks, I love to talk about this world with you all!’

; Flower Masterpost

-

It’s a rather novel concept, you think to yourself wryly as you watch the way Hoseok runs his palms along the length of thighs once more, trying to wipe away his anxiety. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Hoseok look like this nervous or unsure of himself in the whole six months you’ve been dating him.

You’re currently driving over to your parents, having accepted their offer of dinner. Normally you’d just go by yourself, but this Saturday your parents had explicitly invited you to bring Hoseok. He’d agreed, obviously, but he’d been a little hesitant. Even you knew that meeting the parents was a big step in a relationship.

While being nervous yourself to introduce him to them properly, you also felt that it was the right time for it. You loved your parents and they’d always been so supportive of you, no matter what you’d decided to do in life. It only made sense for you to finally introduce the man who made you smile just at the thought of him.

Despite that, you were still worried about everything because you desperately wanted them to like him. Their approval meant a lot to you and knowing that they thought he was a good match was equally as important to you as him liking them. But you’d never brought any guy home before, or anyone really. Never even really mentioned dating to them to be honest.

You’d always been shy around that kind of stuff, only dating and all of that in college where you could almost be anonymous amongst the large student body. So for you to bring home Hoseok meant that he was special, very special. And they knew it too. But you just didn’t know how you were meant to act with them or him, or what the protocols were for bringing home your partner.

Unfortunately for you, Hoseok had no idea either. You’d been both surprised and yet not to find out he’d never met a girlfriend’s parents before. It was something you supposed that you’d expected given who he was and what he’d told you of his past. He’d never dated seriously enough to warrant meeting parents so he was in the same boat of uncertainty as you.

Only...the Hoseok who had been a rock for you in the murkiness of your life and mind these last few months had suddenly needed a rock in turn. His lack of experience in this department combined with his need to make sure he makes a good impression for both you and him meant that he’d taken on the role of nervous and awkward person in your relationship.

Which considering the fact that you were currently experiencing a downward slide in your own mental health, the exhilarating happiness of the last few months finally catching up to you and sending you back down the road of depression and severe anxiety, was impressive. But it was proving a great distraction away from the way you were slumping backwards in your mood, letting you focus instead on Hoseok.

He’d spent all of last night being very quiet, his thoughts evidently far away and he’d asked you about a million questions about your parents. You’d thought it was all very sweet of him to be so worried but at the same time, you were hoping he’d get back to being his bright self because it was starting to make you worry a little too.

And he was being very serious about it all as well because even sex hadn’t been able to take his mind off it for too long. Your magnificent boyfriend had finally, finally managed to make you orgasm during sex a week or so ago and he’d been beyond proud of himself that he’d done it.

You’d thought that giving him a goal to achieve to make himself feel better would be good, and of course you got an added benefit from that...

But last night, he’d been okay for exactly half an hour before he’d cuddled up to you and began querying you once more. You hadn’t got annoyed at him though, because you knew he was just genuinely worried about how they might take him. Seeing him in your pictures on social media and hearing you talk about him is one thing, but meeting him is another thing entirely.

Hoseok’s opinion of himself was that he was a tattooed, pierced metalhead with a long history of sexual escapades and plenty of wild drunken nights. Not what most parents wanted for their daughter to date, especially when said daughter was so socially introverted and easy to hurt.

Your efforts to soothe his worries hadn’t really worked, so now you just supposed that he had to be shown that your parents would like him. There was no doubt in your mind that they would, because despite all of the things he was worried about himself for, he had one thing going for him that perhaps the most important thing of all.

He made you happy and he made you smile. 

You knew that they would give him more than enough chances to prove himself because of those two facts alone, because they knew more than anyone how hard you struggled to make friends and how romance had been almost a foreign term to you. So to meet the man that had finally managed to show you what a relationship could and should be was high on their list.

Pulling into the drive behind your dad’s car, you look out at the small house that you’d grown up in. It’s nothing big or fancy, one of the smaller houses in this neighbourhood of working class people really. The paint on the awnings was chipped and fading while the railing on the porch sagged a little from the weight of its age. 

Even your dad’s car in front of you showed more than enough signs of wear and tear. His job as an engineer at a car manufacturer was based half an hour away from here, with most of that down the highway. It had paid enough to keep the house going along with the car but most of his salary and your moms had gone to paying for your college fees.

Only now were they finally able to properly save up for themselves, hoping to buy a house that was a little nicer than the one they had now. Eyeing the lawn out front, you sighed as you saw it was starting to look overgrown with more than a few patches looking brown and the mailbox was beginning to lean to the side.

“I should come home more often,” You muse out loud to yourself, taking the keys out of the ignition and pressing the button on your seat belt holder. “Help my parents out with the chores and stuff.”

Hoseok looks around as well and you hope that he’s not disgusted or anything by your childhood home. You know that his parents are much better off than your own but he’s never shown himself to be a snobby person or anything.

“Well if you want to, I can come too? I mean...if they want me to. I can help do any manual work if they need it?” Smiling, you reach up and tap his cheek fondly with your palm and internally cheer as he gives you a smile in response.

“I’d like that, you're good with your hands. Just don’t let them take no for an answer then. My parents are wonderful people who deserved far more in life than they got, but they’re still proud. They’ll accept our help as long as we don’t make out that it’s help, you know?” He nods, looking thoughtful before letting out a deep sigh.

Giving him a once over, you get out of the car and wait for him to do the same, locking it behind you before making your way up the path of broken and cracked flagstones. Hoseok’s hand around your wrist stops you suddenly as he pulls at you slightly and you turn, frowning when you see the worry on his face.

“What if they don’t like me? Should I have worn something different?” He asks, for possibly the tenth time today and you internally sigh before facing him fully. His outfit today is just like any other; black jeans with rips and a band shirt with his usual leather jacket slung over the top. Only his hair looks slightly different and that’s because he’s been running his hands through it anxiously.

Placing your hands on his waist, you stroke them up and down reassuringly before giving him a big smile. Hoseok pauses for a moment before his arms wrap around you in turn, causing you to hug him back tightly with your cheek mashed against his warm chest.

“You’ll be okay Hoseok, honestly. I’ve told you enough times and I’m positive you’re gonna find out I’m right. I’m the most awkward one in my family so if you can win me over then you’ll do fine. Please just be yourself because you’re one of the most outgoing and charismatic people I’ve ever seen.” He eyes you carefully before he chews at his lip ring.

You’d had to convince him to keep that in, along with his tongue piercing because he’d wanted to take them out to make a better impression. But you wanted your parents to meet the Hoseok you knew and adored so much, not one that censored himself.

“Okay. Yeah, okay. Sorry.” Muttering the words, you see the frown on his own face and lean forward, catching his attention once more as you press your lips to his in a sweet kiss. One arm moves from around his body to cup his cheek, thumb stroking gently and when you pull away, you see him looking a little calmer.

Moving backwards, you reach down and grab his hand in yours, pulling him along the short path with a bright smile. “Come on mister, I’ve got a surprise for you that you’re gonna love.” 

You hear Hoseok’s confused noise behind you, wondering what on earth you’re on about when you bounce up the stairs to the porch and open the front door of your parents house. Almost immediately you hear the scurrying of paws and crouch down with open arms as a furry dog comes barreling out of the living room, barking excitedly.

“Hello baby girl!” You coo to the golden retriever who almost knocks you over in her enthusiasm, tail wagging wildly as she pushes her nose into your face and tries to climb into your non existent lap. Laughing, you stroke her head before standing up and turning to Hoseok. That’s all the cue she needs to begin investigating him, tail going just as hard as she sniffs him all over.

You can’t help but laugh loudly at his face when she shoves her nose in his crotch and you reach down to grab her collar, tugging her inside gently while Hoseok closes the door behind you both. Kicking off your shoes and placing them onto the shoe rack, you watch as Hoseok does the same before he crouches down as well, a bright smile on his face as he holds his hand out for her to smell.

“This is Harley. She’s an old girl now but we had a lot of fun times when I was in high school. Isn’t that right eh? You were my best friend back then.” Ruffling her fur, you laugh as she drops to the floor and presents her belly, pushing her nose into Hoseok’s hand in her need to get as much attention as physically possible.

“You didn’t tell your parents owned a dog.” Hoseok’s tone is almost accusatory and you grin mischievously. 

“Didn’t tell you because I know you love dogs and I wanted her to be a surprise. She’s been a very long lived retriever, she’s actually 13 now and we got her when I was 13 but she’s still the furry ball of love she always was.” Running your fingers through the golden fur that didn’t quite feel as soft as it once had, you give a sad smile.

You know that there will be a day when your parents call to say that she wasn’t here anymore, but you also knew that she’d had such a long and wonderful life that you’d be okay with that fact. For now though, you were going to give her plenty of pets and love. And looking at Hoseok as he beams, leaning down to almost press his face to hers while all the tension he’d been holding leaves him, you know that he’ll do the same.

“If you’re not careful, you’re gonna send her into a coma of love.” Your dad says and you look up with a big grin at the sight of him, giving Harley one last stroke before standing and moving over to him. He’s dressed casually as usual, just black sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt with those grey wool socks he loves to wear covering his feet.

“Hi. And you know she loves it.” Turning, you watch as Hoseok gives Harley another pet before standing up slowly. It almost breaks your heart how nervous and shy he looks, his hands come around to clasp together at his front while his gaze steadfastly doesn’t meet your dads.

Moving over to him, you wrap your hand around his arm and look back at your dad, noting that your mom has arrived too. She’s just in some plain grey lounge pants with a graphic t-shirt with Toothless the dragon on it. You’d told them to be casual with Hoseok, hoping if they just dressed like they normally would in the house then he wouldn’t get too stressed immediately.

“Mom, dad, this is Hoseok. My...err.” You find yourself freezing as you try to introduce him, the word you’re trying to say almost getting stuck in your throat and you frown in annoyance at yourself. God, you couldn’t even do this right.

Hoseok saves you though, taking a deep breath before giving them his most charming smile, the one that wins over just about anyone who sees it. “I’m Jung Hoseok, her boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you.”

You can tell by the twitch in his arm that he wants to hold out a hand for a handshake or something but you keep a tight grip on him, thinking that’d probably just be too formal and strange. He was meeting your parents, not the President of the United States.

“Hi Hoseok, Y/N’s told us a lot about you.” Your dad says, nothing negative in his voice as he scans over Hoseok before giving him a brief smile. The relief you feel as you sense that Hoseok has passed the visual test at least that your parents are no doubt giving him right now is palpable.

“She has! Come in, come in. Both of you. Do you want to take your jacket off?” This comes from your mom now, her tone telling him that even though it was a question, he should probably obey. Sure enough, Hoseok hears that and acknowledges it, giving a gracious smile before shrugging out of his jacket and handing it to her when she reaches for it.

Gently, you push Hoseok through to the living room and direct him to a seat that won’t be occupied. You weren’t sure about other households, but yours always had assigned seating based on people’s preferences on the couch. 

Your dad took the end of the couch, your mom always took the bit that stuck out so she could almost lay down and you always sat in the armchair. But for today, you sat on the couch and watched as your dad sat in the armchair. Hoseok carefully sat next to you and as he did so, you placed your hand on his thigh and rubbed it gently.

“You okay?” You whisper quietly and he nods in response, his hand moving to grasp yourself and thread your fingers together. Harley is there mere moments later, pushing her face as close as she can get without actually climbing onto you both and you smile as Hoseok lets out a quiet laugh, his free hand moving to stroke her gently.

“Was your drive over okay? Is your car still making that noise?” Glancing away from Harley, you look at your dad with raised brows before nodding to him.

“Yeah it was fine, there was no traffic really which is why we’re a bit early. And it doesn’t seem to be doing it now? You can’t look though, Hoseok let me drive his.” Your dad liked to mess around with cars and you knew that given enough chance, he’d have been outside looking over your car already if you’d had it. It was the same car that you’d been driving since high school and it had been old even back then. Now, you were positive that you probably wouldn’t even be able to sell it anymore.

You knew damn well that Hoseok didn’t like it. His own car wasn’t new or anything but it was only five years old. Which meant it was less of a potential death trap than your own car was. He wasn’t hugely territorial about it and you’d driven it a few times already. It wasn’t much to admit that you loved driving it compared to yours.

“Ahh, you should bring it next time and let me have a look at it for you, flower. Although ideally, I hope you can afford to get a new one soon. I don’t like the idea of you driving that around, especially in winter.” Pouting at him, you play with Hoseok’s fingers before shrugging.

“I’d love to buy a new one dad, but I can’t. I am saving though, so I can at least buy one that's only a few years old soon enough. I’ve got my eye on a nice looking Hyundai that’s not too expensive, only four years old and some good mileage too.” He eyes you, lips pursing out before he’s pulling out his smartphone.

“Is there a link online?” Rolling your eyes, you take his phone and bring up the listing for the Hyundai you’d been keeping tabs on for the last month. You put away money each month into your savings account, hoping that you’d eventually one day get enough to put down a deposit on a house or something but you knew that you’d need a new car much sooner.

And you could almost afford to buy this car.

“Your dad calls you flower?” Hoseok whispers to you, smiling in amusement as you sit back, acknowledging the irony of your childhood nickname. Looking up at him, you chuckle and nod in acknowledgement, watching as your mom gets up to head into the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink Hoseok?” She gives you a questioning look as well as you ask for a Coke, watching as Hoseok panics for a moment as he wonders what would be the best to drink to ask for. Grinning, you squeeze his hand affectionately and look back at your mom.

“You can have a beer if you want? I’m driving so I don’t mind.” You can see the wide eyed look of shock from Hoseok, the shock likely that you’re encouraging him to drink and possibly perpetuate his stereotype of being a heavy drinking metalhead. But you know your parents, so you just reassure him with a smile.

“Err...yeah, I mean...yes please. A beer would be nice, if you have one.” That gets a snort from your dad as your mom disappears, returning a minute later with your can of Coke and an opened bottle of Hoseok’s favourite beer. Watching intently, you can’t help but laugh at the confused look on his face as he accepts it carefully.

“Y/N told us what your favourite drink is. We wanted to make you a bit more comfortable.” 

It’s only then that Hoseok’s eyes narrow as he looks at you, lifting your hands up to gently push at your nose until you’re giggling at him, biting your lower lip. He doesn’t say anything though, simply takes a sip of beer before turning and giving your mom a gracious smile.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to-” He goes to say something else but your dad makes a noise, looking up at you both before gesturing to Hoseok sternly.

“We make sure our guests are comfortable in this house. It might not be much to look at, but we always look after our guests. Especially when they mean so much to Y/N.” Glancing at you, his gaze turns back to Hoseok whose cheeks flush slightly, his own gaze dropping from your dads to the neck of his bottle.

Well...you had told him that they were still proud people. 

Scooting forward, you slide off the sofa to situate yourself on the plush carpeted floor of the living room, making fussing noises to Harley who has stretched herself out on the floor in front of you. As you busy yourself with playing with your dog, you don’t notice the way your parents watch Hoseok in turn as he watches you.

“Y/N says that you’re in IT right? And you got that promotion the other month?” You don’t bother to look up, knowing that Hoseok can handle himself and trusting your parents to be as nice to him as they are to everyone else they’ve ever met. 

“Err, yeah. I err, I lead another team. It’s a little hard to describe as we have multiple sites but I’m now like, the manager of two of them. The bonus is more pay and responsibility, which will hopefully be good for my career. The downside is I’m busier...and more responsibility means more stress.” Leaning back against his leg, you look up at him from the floor.

“You’re doing good though. You manage your stress way better than I do.” You can’t quite see him properly from this angle but you do see his smile, pushing your head into his hand a little as he runs his fingers along your cheek.

“That’s debatable. I just...learnt a long time ago some coping methods to deal with it. I was in therapy throughout college. My sister died in a car accident and I developed some very unhealthy coping mechanisms afterwards for a few years. Therapy helped me and it still helps me today thankfully.” Without even realising it, you have one hand gripping onto his calf in an effort to soothe any upset he may have.

You still find it amazing how easily he’ll talk about his sister’s accident but you’re beyond thankful that he’s willing to open himself up like that to your parents. By being honest about such a traumatic event for him so young, he was showing them that he was more than just what he looked like. You hadn’t told him to tell them that story, nor had you even hinted at it. But you assumed that’s what he was doing.

Sure enough, your parents warm right up to him and begin asking him questions about not only his work but his life. And you get to spend the next few hours watching in pleasure as Hoseok relaxes in their company, becoming more like the Hoseok you’ve come to know and enjoy over the last few months.

You’re pretty positive your mom has been won over solely by his personality and good looks while your dad is more fascinated with Hoseok’s skills with computers. That and his tattoos. Hoseok had given you another betrayed look when your dad had shown him the tattoo on his upper left arm and you could almost hear the ‘you never told me’ in his eyes.

All in all though, it went very well and your own anxiety about introducing them all together ebbed away slowly as the evening went on. The dinner your mom cooked was delicious and you were beyond happy that she’d given you a bunch of leftovers in tupperware for your freezer. Hoseok had been equally ecstatic when she’d given him some too, though he’d handed them over to you given that he spent most of his time at yours.

You were positive that hadn’t gone unnoticed by them.

Finally though, it was 10pm and you were getting tired, head lolling on Hoseok’s shoulder as the television played out the film you’d all been watching. Harley was laid on your feet, keeping them warm and you could have happily just fallen asleep right there, content with your boyfriends arm around you and the gentle chatter of your parents.

But Hoseok was gently shaking you awake, an amused smile on his lips before he pressed them to your temple in a gentle kiss. “This is becoming a habit, miss.”

His teasing was light and gentle, but you just gave him a smile back, wiping at your eyes before blinking rapidly to wake them up. You hadn’t worn any makeup today, not seeing the need given all three people in this house had seen you without it plenty of times. 

One of the benefits that you hadn’t considered before was that Hoseok was eager to take your pictures, meaning that he’d volunteered himself to be your photographer and editor for your makeup Instagram. Now your pictures looked even better and it was all thanks to him and his fancy camera, but you knew that despite how much he liked your makeup, he preferred the natural girl he got to see most often.

“Mom, dad, we’re gonna head off now. Thank you for dinner and all the leftovers. And the cookies mom. I appreciate it all and I’m sure Kasumi will love her special homemade cat treats,” Your mom loved Kasumi and wanted to get a cat of her own. Whenever Harley went, you knew that she’d probably get a puppy and a kitten so they could grow up together. “But it’s late and I want to go to bed.”

Stretching, you grunt as your shirt rides up and Hoseok pokes your ribs gently, mischief present in his eyes and you scowl at him before poking at his stomach. Trust him to be wide awake while you’re a bit sleepy. Though he’s ever so slightly glassy eyed from the alcohol, meaning you need to wake up a bit more to drive home.

“You’re welcome, you know we love having you home. We loved meeting you too Hoseok and you’re welcome here anytime as well. With or without Y/N,” You can just imagine Hoseok’s face behind you right now. “We’re pretty open as you can tell and if you ever need us for anything, please just ask.”

“Okay mom, let’s not freak him out anymore okay? Thank you both, I’ll bring my car over soon dad.” Tugging on your shoes, you stand and slip your arms into the jacket Hoseok is holding up for you before bending down and fussing Harley.

“Don’t bother, I’ll give you what you’re missing for that Hyundai-” He holds his hand up when you go to protest, not wanting his charity but you know you’re not going to win given his stern look. “Given how much money we’ve put into that car you have now over the years, I’ll feel better just giving you this for that car and having the peace of mind to know you’re safe. So I’ll transfer it over to you and then I want you to go buy it. Don’t let yourself get ripped off flower, make sure you test drive it first and ask for a full history. Check it all out. Take Hoseok if you have to. I wish it wasn’t like this but you know that they’re less likely to be dicks if there’s a guy there. Especially one that looks like this.” 

With that, he puts a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder and grins. Your boyfriend eyes him for a moment before giving an answering nod, shrugging on his own leather jacket once your dad lets go of him.

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t get ripped off. Though she doesn’t need me to take care of her.” He looks at you then, lips quirked up in the corner before he kisses your forehead. “She’s got her homelife put together much better than me.”

“Yeah, that’s right dad. You hear that? I’m doing good. Not having to survive on ramen noodles or anything.” You grin, walking out of the door and turning round to accept the bag of leftover food your mom gives you. Hoseok heads over to the car, opening the passenger door before letting his arms rest on top of it.

“Yeah, sometimes she even makes box pasta.” Glaring at him, you point at him until he gets an innocent look and lifts up both hands, palm out before getting in the car. “That’s right mister, you just wait.”

“I like him.” Your dad says quietly, attracting your attention back to him and you grin, warmth and happiness overflowing inside you at his words. He can’t have any idea how much that means to you, to know that he approves of Hoseok.

“Me too. He’s nice and he obviously cares a lot about you. You’re happy right?” Nodding, you feel hot with embarrassment at the personal conversation with them and your mom laughs softly, reaching out and running her thumb over your cheek. “That’s all we want for you. Now go on, he’s looking impatient.”

“He just wants to see Kasumi, he loves her.” That makes both your parents laugh and you smile in turn, waving to them both as you head down the path to the car. Looking at Hoseok as he waves at your parents as well once you’re in the car, seat belt clicked into place and engine on, you let out a tiny sigh of relief.

One half of the meeting the parents completed. Now just for the other half.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

spill the yoi hot takes :o

I’m really flattered with the amount of asks (I hope you won't mind that I combined at least 5, it's just easier this way), interested in my yoi opinions, I wasn’t planning to get into that honestly, until I mentioned it to my friend Alex (I’ve mentioned him here before without a name tho, he’s gay, he’s very into anime, he was also the one behind that 4am text “but how do u think Rin’s teeth feel on Haru’s dick” lol). 

I just didn't want to rewatch it, as I've said before, but something he said got me very intrigued and last week ended up with me staying until 7am for a virtual watch party that got pretty hilarious, but not for the yoi reasons lol.

So just know that to be completely fair we did it and I'm saying everything below with a very fresh impression, which hasn't changed really bc like I'm 25, I was watching it the first time when I was 21, not 14 xD. I think it got worse actually.

Once again, I know that since they’re both gay sports animes comparisons are inevitable, but to me one has nothing to do with the other and no matter the fact that I adore Free! and don’t like YOI, I don’t want to throw words like smth is “superior” out there, bc I don’t want to be like those YOI fans back in the days, who thought that none other gay ships should exist after this (unless they say smth specifically for me to counterattack, then I can say whatever lol).

Like if you love stories like this, it’s okay. Like what you like. But to yell at everybody that they must think that this is how relationships should be and trash every other gay ship in existence, you maybe should not, especially when you don’t really have much to be proud of. Just like kisses don’t make a love story high-quality, full censorship doesn’t take away a good love story.

"Heaven official’s blessing” is also censored, but no matter how much you censor it, their love for each other is seen in their actions so clear, that it is in fact will not take anything away from the power of their feelings and the greatness of their love story if at the end they won’t show them kissing. Just like if I kiss a random stranger on the street, it won’t make us the best couple in the world.

Now I went into watching YOI unbiased the 1st time I watched it (I did watch it after Free, bc it was in “recommended”). I did not expect it to be “like Free”, I just wanted smth that’ll give me the same kind of emotion, investment in the story, ship, etc. It didn’t, so I just moved on.

I didn’t even think deep about why. I thought I just grew out of the “Cinderella” stories a long time ago or as it was here not very gracefully called “how to turn the pig into the prince”.

Like if you want the “she’s all that” but with the boy instead of a girl, you’ll probably enjoy YOI. But once again, love stories I enjoy are the opposite of those. It's really nothing bad, if you enjoy the stuff like “Someday my prince will come” in whatever age tbh, but I since a certain age just wasn’t invested in those anymore and began to obsess with stories like “Anastasia” instead, and I’m talking about love stories with less naivety in between and feelings out of nowhere, but more stuff like “yes, bitch, I find you attractive, true, but whether I fall for you unconditionally or not, only real life situations will tell later on”.

And I don’t mean stuff like going through war together or some epic journey, but grown ups must know those. Those life situations or even tiny things someone do, that make you not only fall for someone, but think “yeah, I can imagine my life with you”.

Like in my humble opinion, you can’t fall in love with someone bc of the way they swim or skate, for example. What ppl call “love at first sight” is in fact “attraction at first sight”. So yes, we do joke about Rin falling in love at first sight, bc he did in fact walked into the hall, saw Haru and was like “dat bitch is so fine”, even tho he was just standing there, but once again, he was just attracted to him. What happens after this is you can go on a whole beautiful journey with tiny Rin putting together the prettiest puzzle of why he falls for Nanase Haruka. In such little things like when Haru slowed down when he saw Nagisa feeling bad during running and Rin was like “omg you’re so uwu”, how he mentions that he always helps ppl, but never asks for help himself, he slowly gradually paints a picture of what kind of person Haru is, same goes for Haru about Rin. And then you have a whole story of them falling for each other all over again when they’re already adults, and you again watch it through their eyes, and once again I’m not in fact talking about some grand gestures like 1x12, I’m talking about stuff like them focusing on Haru’s eyes shaking, when he saw that Rin secretly helps Rei to learn how to swim. It’s the little things, that you watch and you get why they feel what they feel for each other. And that also makes you fall in love more with their characters by seeing how the other sees them.

YOI doesn’t have those moments. Not only they weren’t in any situations that would make them know each other for who they really are, they hardly even know the basic info about one another. Hell, the viewer doesn’t know anything about them. And this is why to me it goes into the category of those typical romcoms I can’t get invested in.

So I don’t think these two can be compared. And while some yell “bc you’re not canon, but yoi is canon”, I think they can’t be compared for another reason. Bc some ppl are trying to prove to me that a 27 years old man fell head over heels in love with someone overnight during a drunk banquet, then watched a vid of him skating and flew to another country and hey “if you win a gold medal, lets get married”. This is not the kind of relationship progression I’m looking for like at all. Between that time he started training him and their “censored kiss” there was nothing and I mean nothing that’d made me go “yeah, I see why he loves him”.

But anyways, lets live piecefully really, you can like one, you can like both, it’s all okay.

Like I know many have ptsd and it’s true that back when YOI was popular, most of their fans for real did annoy to death almost everyone, bc they yelled that No.6 is trash, when someone said “but you’re not the only one gay story that’s not based on sex”. They yelled that Free! has no right to exist bc its queerbating (LOL). By that time, I’m not gonna lie I was ready to poke my eyes out each time I saw smth YOI related, bc it was like: you make a multigay shipping vid -  “how dare u not include YOI”, you make a gifset - “you forgot YOI” like I HAD TO like it just bc it’s gay. There is no such rule to me. Just like I don’t care for some hetero romances, I don’t care for some gay romances. Simple is that. Once again gay has nothing to do with the relationships dynamic and the story.

Yeah, comments about fanservice. Like why should I watch Victor’s naked ass for several minutes every episode, but don’t get to see Haru or Rin’s at least once? So salty rn.

Free is more fanservice-y.. well, it’s hella fanservicy, yes, but like we can’t swim in shirts, you can tho not show naked ass in each episode, I thought you were skating. 

See, it’s all debatable.

But I do wish ppl stop putting yoi relationships on a piedestal, their relationship are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too far from being inspirational for many and not even close to the what love is in my opinion. If you seek smth of a very high standart of gay love, choose MDZS for example, idk. But don’t throw YOI at ppls faces as a “this is how should be”. Not everyone wants that.

I don’t need a half-assed engagement and esp the censored kiss (like either do it or don’t do it at all honestly). Also stuff like this should carry weight. I don’t want things for the sake of things.

Like to me Rin’s “the only thing that hasn’t changed in my life is how I feel about you” speech, considering the fact that he felt like that throughout all those years, means hella more, than this. 

I think 1stly, it’s because of the “it’s like it was a destiny xD” factor and 2ndly, bc at least this scene gives a little more sense to the fact that he flew to another country to train him. Now it’s if “I fell MADLY in love in one drunk night and was pining my whole life after that and that vid was a sign for me to go see you again” makes any sense to you. At least that’s how some fans read it.

Once again it might be a good thing for a passable one-time romantic comedy. But plots and pairings like this is what made me turn to anime in the first place, so.. sorry lol.

All this mega tragic posts of “Victor was soooo in love for such long time, it’s so sad” made me laugh so hard. Like he feel in love so hard during a one drunk banquet with a guy who was so drunk he didn’t remember anything he did? WHY? HOW? what could he possibly do to make him fall that hard, no one knows. Like to me the only reason u can fall for someone in one night is if you saw him risking his life saving a kitten or a puppy from a car or smth.

I’m just not the kind of person who thinks you can fall for someone for no reasons. Again, you can find someone attractive and go from there, but there must be things along the way that will make me believe in the progression of it. It can of course all come in the future, but the story was what the story was. Whatever you are trying to add to it is already a fanfiction.

YOI is not boring per se, bc everything goes way too fast and sometimes with no reasoning, so I was more surprised that “this was it?” lmao. But their relationships are dull, yes. Bc there is nothing to even discuss really, you can only assume things, bc the whole thing didn’t give u much, esp in the characters department. It’s just really funny to me that someone would write a whole post of “I love this character bc I presume he’s like that”, usually it’s “I love this character bc facts, facts, facts”.

______

Now back to the beginning of my post and to the funny story that happened. We were randomly discussing shit, when I mentioned about possibly rewatching YOI, bc I didn’t want to start talking about smth in case I forgot some stuff (I didn’t btw lol) and turned out that he freaking disliked it a lot. I never even asked, for some reason, and we’ve been yelling about Free! and other stuff for ages and like his boyfriend is in love with Sousuke and they both adore rinharu to death.

And he has lots of gay friends who love Free (this made me happy the most, btw during our YOI chat I asked and it was 4:1 harurin:rinharu haha I win) and some ships from Haikyuu too, but turns out that literally none of them were into YOI. And the funniest thing he said was “bc it felt more heterosexual than some heterosexual stories I’ve watched”. Now I don’t know if it would make sense to anyone else out there, but I kinda did get what he meant.

I asked if it was bc of the “fairytale setting” and the fact that no one cared that they’re gay (bc “in front of the stadium?!” was the reaction, when I told them “there was a cencored kiss here” (btw not everyone got it lolz) and then “did they just write the story with a girl, but then changed it by the end?”), but they said “no, just the overall feeling”.

And like everyone knows that YOI targeted audience is hetero girls. It wasn’t made for the sake of the LGBT community and none of the homophobic ppl will watch it either, no matter what some think. So for whom they did it the way they did it is very questionable tbh. They say it’s the LGBT representation in anime, and yes, good, great, always happy about, but isn’t it kinda funny that some of LGBT representatives don’t even feel like it apparently.

Now I’m just saying some, I’ve asked him to ask around out of curiousity, and it was only 11 gay guys in total, who watched it, including our company and his bf who was forced into it haha, but 11 is quite a lot, considering the fact that not even 1 liked it. But then somehow stuff like MDZS and even uncanonical mikayuu was highly appreciated and loved, bc it accidentally made a dent in some extra conservative parents and dull ppl.

It’s just much more interesting to hear what guys who are actually dating guys think about all those kind of animes and ships, than some girls here who yell at me stuff like “why are you supporting queerbating”. Btw I asked Alex if he’s offended by that, he said “no, but we for real think they’re doing it” lmao.

It is supposed to be funny. You didn’t get it wrong. But if you saw many ppl would aggressively disagree with you. I just thought that “analysis” was an “interpretive process that draws conclusions from a set of facts”, not “writing a fanfiction based on assumptions”, but then again to each their own. 

The problem is that I don’t even get what’s cute about it, it’s just absurd to me. Like it’s pulled out of an ass, for real. They’re not in the stage of a relationships, when I would find such thing romantic. And all the agressive denying of the fact that it was indeed wedding rings made this scene cringy, too. The whole thing is cringy to me idk. The “win the gold, only then we’ll get married”.... It all gave me a weird feeling. The opposite of “touching”.

So in conclusion, when you skip most of the important parts of the love story and jump into stuff just for the sake of it, then also make fun of it, it leaves a hella weird impression and aparently not just to me.

And once again trying to market some primitive story as an epic love story, just bc it’s gay is extremely weird to me. If you make 50 shades of grey gay, it’s not gonna suddenly become a pulitzer prize winning kind of book, it’ll stay the same dumb af story with dumb af characters, but gay.

So being happy about some representation (and btw they still managed to add stuff like “its not gay if you exchange rings with your hommies” here and there and make it “hahahaha joking”), I get it, but to say that this what all the gay ships should aim for, pls stop. We really don’t wanna. Sincerelly. 

We here stick to a motto “I can picture the kiss of the characters whose story is so amazing, that the kiss is the only thing missing, but if I basically have just a picture of two guys kissing, I won’t write a whole story myself.”

P.S. I will forever laugh now tho at the fact that calling your bf a “pig” and being an arogant asshole without any canonically established reasonings is a great relationships, but Adam with his past gets what he gets now for the “dog” comments even tho his bf enjoys it lmao like I did not remember this bits in YOI. I honestly thought it was like completely “unproblematic” one, but it’s like hilariously not. So what ppl are trying to even put out their as a “pinnacle of the lgbt representation” as you say, like there are for real older yaois that are much better than this.

[a-libra-writes]

SFW Alphabet - Sandor Clegane

Request for our favorite grumpy boi. I hope yall arent tired of these, i just think theyre neat!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Because he’s always been given so little, Sandor is unsure on how to express affection to you. When you showed it to him it was almost uncomfortable, even if he liked the warmth of your fingers and the comfort of your embrace. Once he was used to your attention, and confident that you really did feel for him, he was more comfortable in being more physically affectionate. 

It would start with being more open to holding you after you both were intimate, especially since you always let his head rest on your chest. He’d pull you closer when you sat next to him - or just place you on his lap - and when you both walk down a crowded street, he’ll have a protective hand on the small of your back or your waist. When he’s drunk, the affection comes more easily. If you’re drinking together, you are going to end up in his lap. There’s no escape. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As long as it takes to earn Sandor’s trust and friendship, once you have it, he’s fiercely protective and reliable. He’d be his usual grumpy self, some days he’s more prickly, but he’ll really want to make sure you’re safe and not being an idiot. He’ll tell you if he thinks you’re doing something utterly stupid, but he won’t try to control or shame you.

Starting a friendship with him would take some time and patience, considering his prickliness and how often he pushes others away. He doesn’t believe he deserves kindness like that and has trouble accepting it. Just giving kindness and helping him out of the occasional drunken fight or battle can go a long way.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’d scoff at the idea of cuddling, but he doesn’t try to push you away if you need the affection and closeness. He secretly likes how much you want it, although he was unsure at first. The first few times you both slept together, he didn’t think you’d let your guard down so much, and he wasn’t ready to do the same. After a while he began to crave the affection, and eventually he became comfortable with initiating it. His hugs are all-encompassing and very, very warm. Sometimes they’re too tight, and even when he’s relaxed it’s a firm, protective grip. It’s easy for him to totally wrap you up, given how big he is. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Sandor didn’t think he’d ever get the chance to “settle down”, it almost never crossed his mind. He was so sure he’d die in some battlefield or winesink somewhere. Even when you two were together, he had doubts that you’d want such a life with him. 

He’s absolute shit at actual cooking, but he knows how to hunt and clean game, so there’s that. He’s also not a neat person at all, in fact, he’s naturally pretty messy. He does at least take care of his armor and makes sure his swords are clean and sharp.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It would  be rude and blunt, probably even angry as he tries to emotionally distance himself from you and fail miserably. He’d hate how vulnerable he’d be in that moment and would try to get it over with, probably not even waiting for a response. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He’d never had a relationship like this, so it was hard for him to envision a single-person commitment before meeting you. He mostly had a string of whores and that was it. Now that you’re together, he’s grateful to have you. Still, he sees marriage as mostly pointless and wouldn’t rush you into it. You’d probably have to do the nudging if you wanted it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Sandor thinks he’s shit at both, but you’ve noticed how in the beginning of the relationship he was unsure about touching you. He touched your back or your arm with a nervous carefulness. Even now when you have more tender moments, he’s careful about how he puts you in his arms. 

On the other hand, he’s awful at speaking gently. He’s just too blunt and rough with his speech, and he rarely thinks of censoring himself. More than once you’ve smacked him on the arm for something he’s said. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

You help him get used to hugs and start enjoying them, but obviously he’d deny it if you outright asked him. When he’s drunk he likes keeping you especially close, but you’re usually the one initiating it unless he had to be apart from you for a long time. His hugs are all-encompassing and tight. You feel totally bundled up in his broad arms. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It’s a long time before he’s able to do this, maybe too long for your patience. Truthfully, it would be so much easier if you could say it first. He wouldn’t answer right away, but he’d pull you into a tight embrace. He’s able to actually say the words once you two have been together for some time. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Sandor is absolutely a jealous man, and it only somewhat lessens after you’re together for a while. His insecurities just come rushing to the surface if you’re genuinely enjoying another man’s company, and he can’t keep himself from reacting angrily. The mild reaction is loudly telling the guy off, or standing directly behind you while staring him down. The worst is when he actually physically grabs the man or starts a fight. Once you’ve given him enough serious talks and scoldings about it, he’ll try to hold back, but he’ll definitely grumble and curse under his breath. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are firm and rough, usually combined with him holding your waist or back of your head. When he’s feeling more vulnerable, he’ll plant lighter kisses on your lips and hair. While you both are intimate, he loves kissing whatever part he can get at, but especially your neck. No shame there, he’ll leave whatever marks he pleases and just laughs when you try to find a dress to hide it the next day.

For himself, he likes any kiss you give him, but especially the casual ones you give him while you walk by or say goodbye. It’s just so sudden and genuine, the more spontaneous you are, the more it flusters him. He used to have some misgivings when you kissed the scarred side of his face, but then he noticed you kissed either side. You didn’t have a preference, which was oddly comforting. His favorite thing is how your hand gently touches whatever side you aren’t kissing. There’s zero need for you to be so gentle and affectionate, but you do it anyway, and he loves it. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s uneasy around very young ones and finds older children snot-nosed and annoying. He doesn’t realize that he talks to them like adults; Sandor really isn’t sure how you’re supposed to talk to them. He’d rather just avoid kids and babies. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He isn’t a morning person, but his duties usually have him up at dawn anyway. He’s full of tired grumbling and sluggish movements until he has something to eat. Someone who really knows Sandor will notice he’s not totally awake until the afternoon. He has the appetite of a bear when he wakes up. If you happen to cook for him and accidentally burn something, he may not even notice. Once you two are together for a while, he’ll want a kiss or a goodbye before he leaves. He won’t say that, but he’ll “accidentally” wake you up or wait expectantly by your side. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

After dealing with the shit of the Red Keep, he just wants to come home to you. Before you two were together he usually hung around winesinks and gambling dens, but being together with you in a space that you two have made is exponentially better. You can actually see the stress steadily leave him as you both unwind for the evening. He’ll want to be close and intimate with you, especially if he’s been drinking, but Sandor also likes to just watch you move around the house and do your own thing. Sometimes everything is so good and comfortable, it’s almost unreal, and that’s when he wants you in his lap. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

No surprise here, it takes Sandor some time to really openly talk about things that affected him. You may get some information when he’s drunk, but by nature Sandor tends to bitterly bottle things up. Even when he’s very comfortable with you, he won’t open up until the emotions start running high and it just starts spilling out.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s not the most patient person; he knows it, you know it. Sandor is only able to hold it down and bottle it up for so long. He’s good about not letting his grievances show when he’s in front of lords or the court, but that just means the drunk that decided to fight him in the evening picked a spectacularly bad time. He tries to be more patient with you, opting to grumble and growl instead of argue, but some topics just really set him off. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Sandor is pretty awful about remembering “non essential” things, like color preferences or the things you read, he’s better with practicality. The kind of soup or bread you like, or what you drink with him? Easy. Where you go when you have free time? Also easy, because he looks out for you. And if you’re someone with combat training, he absolutely remembers how you fight and what kind of openings you leave.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Shortly before you both were really together, but after you had talked for some time, there was trouble outside the Red Keep, and Sandor was out most of the night dealing with it. He returned in the very early hours of dawn, covered in bruises and light cuts. You stumbled upon each other, and it was hard to ignore the way you called out to him. He didn’t realize how much he wanted it until you touched him and asked if he was hurt. Sandor almost melted in your hands and let you clean and tend to the little injuries. He told himself he was just exhausted, but he stuck around long after you finished, and thought about your touches for several days after that.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s seen some of the worst men, some of them hiding behind their knightly title, so Sandor is quite protective of you when it comes to large groups of people or the inns you both visit. You’ll notice him scanning the crowds and keeping you close at hand. He wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to pull out his sword and defend you if any danger came. 

However, Sandor has never expected anyone to do the same for him. You being physically protective, like helping him in a fight, or aggressively telling anyone off if they say something rude … It would keep surprising him. He thinks your feisty and angry side is cute, too, so that’s a bonus. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Well, he’d do what he could. He’s pretty awful at remembering specific dates, so as long as you tell him a few days before he’ll probably remember. He’s pretty awkward with “gifts”, it’ll probably turn out to be something practical. He’d rather take you somewhere you like and spend the day with you, anyway. You can tell how much he cares for you every day by all the physical and intimate affection you get, also how he blushes and grumbles he loves you when you return that attention.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Sandor has plenty of them, and he knows it. The biggest problem is how often he’ll bottle things up, and you know something’s wrong, but he won’t open up about it initially. He can also border on overprotective, especially when his jealousy kicks in and he doesn’t want you near certain men. He also tends to downplay any injuries he gets and doesn’t always take proper care of them.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He couldn’t give less of a shit, but maybe he should care a little more. You’ve ordered him to the bath several times and reminded him to wash his hands before eating.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

After a certain point he’d realize how lonely he’d be without you. When he’s especially in his cups, he’ll get sentimental over your relationship and the thought of you just being gone would be sickening. If you ever left, he’d alternate wildly between blaming himself and blaming you. He’d be far angrier and more withdrawn, and would probably lean too far into alcohol or fighting. This would only worsen if something terrible had happened to you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He’s actually fond of dogs, specifically, sweeter and calmer ones. He won’t admit this, especially if you owned one. He might even tease you about spoiling the mutt, then you’ll catch him feeding it scraps or petting its ears. To a lesser extent, he’d also like cats, but he’s rarely met a nice one. If you owned an especially fat and sweet one, he might not mind if it curls up next to him. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He’s a heavy and loud sleeper; the snoring can be a bit much some nights, so feel free to jab and poke him until he rolls on his side. He usually ends up curling that way anyhow, which means you can cozy up to his back or torso and be extra warm. Sandor doesn’t move much in his sleep, nor does he mind you resting on him, so falling asleep on him while you two cuddle doesn’t bother him - he’s actually moved you trust him that much. He’ll insist on you staying close if it’s cold, especially if you both have to sleep outside.

[smutposts]

Could you do a scenario where Coran's fem human s/o is worried that now that they know more Altaens are alive that Coran might want to be with someone of his own race and he reassures her that he only loves her in a nsfw way please?

Sorry this took so long! COVID hit and I had to take a forced break from the Internet. 

No matter how you try, you just can’t shake the fact that you will never look like these women. With their elegant faces, elf-like ears, and exotic markings, it’s hard to live up to Altean standards of beauty. I mean, who wouldn’t be jealous?

As far as humans go you’ve always considered yourself to be the plain-Jane type of gal. Born to two very average-looking parents with no especially stupefying genes floating around in your gene pool, there is very little to be confident about.

Heaving a sigh, you pull your eyes away from the self-esteem destroying mirror in front of you. There HAS to be something more productive you could be doing instead of wedging yourself even further down the hole of depression you’ve dug for yourself. 

A snore breaks the silence of an otherwise quiet room, and you jolt. Oh yeah, you were just about to join Coran for bed before you distracted yourself with that damn mirror. The sight of silvery stretch marks and more than a few pockets of cellulite as you were stripping down to your night clothes had completely stolen all of your attention. 

I bet Alteans don’t have stretch marks...

It is this very depressing thought which finally prompts you to trudge back to bed. Coran is sprawled out on his back, mouth agape, one leg hanging off the side of the bed. It’s a very cute sight, and with one big leap, you effectively end his peaceful slumber. 

He lets out a strangled sound, but you just bury your head in his chest and groan.

“Coran, am I ugly?”

His response is immediate.

“No love, of course not. Why would you say that?”

You’ve gotta give the man credit, despite his disoriented state he still manages to sound somewhat coherent. He’s still got that lisp that comes with being forcefully awoken from sleep, and he’s doing that weird tongue clicking thing, but he’s mostly holding it together.

You force yourself up by the arms until you’re straddling his waist, and he grunts again at the pressure of your hands against his chest. He seems a bit more awake now as he finally peels his eyes open.

“Altean women are just so... perfect. Long legs, flawless skin, the whole shebang.”

To accentuate this sentence, you gesticulate a wide breadth with your arms.

“I just, I don’t think I could ever compare. I have too many stretch marks, my thighs are too fat, and my butt is LUMPY.”

At this he just kind of stares at you blankly, as if piecing together everything you’ve just thrown at him (which, to be fair, is a lot).

“I just... I would understand if you wanted to leave me now that the Alteans have returned.”

He makes a weird sleepy noise, readjusting himself so that his hands aren’t trapped under the blanket anymore, and rests them against your hips.

“Love, I have NO idea what you’re talking about.”

He slides his hands down and squeezes the supple flesh of your buttocks, exhaling deeply.

“But your butt is most certainly NOT lumpy.”

You make to protest, but before you can even being to verbalize, he hefts you off of him with a great force you sometimes forget he's capable of. The blanket is now a crumpled mess, half twisted between the two of you, half hanging off the bed. He fits himself snuggly between your legs and presses his lips to your exposed neck. His mustache tickles as speaks. 

“And more importantly,” He begins kissing down your neck, unbuttoning your night shirt as he goes. “You are the most divine creature to have ever walked this solar system.”

“That’s fucking cheesy.” You blow a raspberry at him, but that doesn’t stop your skin from heating up as his hands begin to wander and the hardness between your legs begins to grow. He leans back just far enough that you catch the hint of mischief glimmering in his eyes.

“Perhaps, but not a word of it is false.” 

Without another word, he returns to your body, mouth moving against your subtly flushed skin, hands disappearing below the hem of your underwear. He flicks his wrist just right, fingers finding purchase against your delicate center, and before you can censor yourself you’ve already let a groan escape your lips. What a talented man, to be able to do this to you. 

As his lips trail to down your torso, slowly moving to join his hand, you throw your head back and chuckle, “You always know just what to say.”