#Especially as the roles between who was the emotional and care giver were reversed but if I say anything about how it worked

[marcsalmonds]

I totally get that the majority of men are shitty and I've certainly had my experiences with them but seeing jokey posts about how it's Praxis to be mean to your boyfriend after I've just come out of an emotionally toxic relationship with a woman is like OOF

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Rewatching Shameless and i just watched 6x1 jail scene. Can I request a meta if its not too much trouble? I feel like reading a really good meta about that scene and you're one of the best we've got so.....

It’s never any trouble at all! That’s so sweet to say—thank you so much! <3 Kind of coming to terms with the idea that anyone cares about my opinion over here. You guys are too much!

This scene is actually extremely important to me because it and the response to it were what made me start writing Shameless fanfiction, specifically when I saw that my views regarding Ian’s behavior and how Mickey received it were so vastly different from what I initially read. (Insert shameless plug for “That Milkovich Reputation” here.) Now, I know you’ve told me not to do this before, but based on the controversial position in which this scene resides, I feel the need to present a couple of disclaimers for our audience at large.

I first fell in love with Shameless last March, a couple weeks before quarantine began. I didn’t know what it was prior to that and therefore was not present when Noel left the show, so I didn’t experience the disappointment of a beloved character leaving in a potentially permanent way and didn’t engage in the fandom or see how deeply upset people were by that until after I finished the series. I also don’t subscribe to the theory that there was something going on behind the scenes or any animosity between Noel and the creators, as I have not seen any relevant evidence from reliable sources to support that what happened was anything other than decisions made in pursuit of career goals on both sides. As such, my analysis of this scene has only ever taken the content and context of the story and characters into account. I have no interest in speculating on the motives of people I do not know in writing it or portraying it this way, and even if I did, this scene made perfect sense to me as it was written and performed.

I understand and appreciate that this is not a popular position to take and urge everyone to pass this post by if my position on that matter is offensive or upsetting to you. I do not mean to tell anyone what to think or believe, only to explain how I view this scene and the context in which I do so.

That said, let’s begin.

When Last Seen: Mickey

As in all things, context is important. Prior to the prison scene, the last time we saw Mickey was when Ian broke up with him and Sammi interrupted their heartfelt moment, which basically sums up her character in a nutshell. That was a rough couple of days for Mickey. He saw how devastated Ian was to hear his family talk about him as though he were just like Monica; was distressed in his own right to return for him and discover that he’d left the base with Monica; buried his frustration and sadness by sleeping around with other people, which seemed to exacerbate those emotions because those people weren’t Ian, nor had he and Ian broken up when he did it; and came running when Ian called him, only for Ian to end their relationship.

Mickey is a very sharp man—we know this. He can read people like books and manipulate or intimidate them accordingly. He knew Ian had feelings for him in s1 when he showed up on his doorstep seeking comfort rather than going to any number of other people he trusted. He was well aware that Ian loved him in s3, and that made what he felt he had no choice in doing that much more painful. He heard what Ian said and knew what he was doing in 5x12. Of that, I have never had any doubt. It wasn’t like Ian tried to hide that he didn’t want to break up but thought that that was what would be best. In fact, the way he initially framed it always made me think that one of his highest priorities was not dragging Mickey down with him, especially in the aftermath of being called “destructive” and similar to someone who “put them through hell.” That’s why Mickey’s response wasn’t to call him an asshole or get angry or beg. It was to reassure Ian that he was there for the long haul, that he loved him and wanted to take care of him no matter what that meant—and that they could make that work. All the sentiments Ian had tried to communicate before he got married, Mickey was reciprocating in his own way. Had they not needed to temporarily write Mickey out of the story and Sammi hadn’t shown up right that second, I believe that he wouldn’t have given up so easily. We do have confirmation of that being the case in the prison scene, but we’ll get to that shortly.

When Last Seen: Ian

Ian isn’t a selfish character. We know this, too. However, Ian needed to be selfish by the end of s5. What he had to come to terms with wasn’t something that anyone could fully help him with, much as Mickey desperately wanted to. To Ian, the enemy was within. It was inside him, in his brain, telling him what to do even if that destroyed himself and everything he loved. It’s terrifying. I’m not bipolar, nor do I suffer from any other diagnosed mental illnesses, but I admire and respect everyone who wakes up every morning and tackles these things. They’re heroes every single day. But by the end of s5, Ian doesn’t feel much like a hero. Instead, he feels like the villain, and he’s lost touch with who he even is anymore.

That’s not a healthy mindset to have in a relationship. Relationships require a level of give and take, and that used to be something that Ian and Mickey already struggled with. Ian gave more in s1-3 because he was able to, while Mickey had a limit on what he could openly give because of the environment in which he lived and the manner in which he was raised. In s4-5, those roles were reversed: Mickey was able to give so much more, but Ian was gradually falling apart. Neither of them are at fault for any of those situations. It is what it is, and they have a stronger relationship for it. Ian is a giver, though. He’s always been a giver. To be in a position where he doesn’t feel like he can give anything to Mickey because he doesn’t even know who he is was truly heartbreaking for him, and objectively, he needed to take a step back so that he could focus on himself. He knew it. Based on Mickey’s understanding of Ian’s reasons after watching him deny that he had a problem for so long, I think Mickey knew it too. This hurt both of them—Ian to say it and Mickey to hear it—but they’re not fools and they’re not naïve. In some ways, they know each other better than anyone.

Jimmy said that when you’re on a plane, they tell you to put on your mask before you help anyone else with theirs. Ian needed to put on his mask. His heart can’t keep beating if his lungs don’t work.

Starting Season 6: Mickey

Unsurprisingly, Mickey has settled into prison life just fine. We’ll focus on his interactions with Ian in a bit as that’s the meat of the scene, but there are major implications inherent in his discussion with Svetlana beforehand.

1.      Mickey has accepted that this will be his reality for the foreseeable future. What else is he supposed to do? Besides, he’s known for a long time that the likelihood of ending up in prison was pretty high for him, as he alluded to in s2. He was a street thug. He stole from local stores, sold drugs, ran guns, operated a rub ‘n’ tug, created scam companies, and was a generally violent presence in the neighborhood for years. He was in juvie twice during the show, perhaps more beforehand. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that it would have been more surprising if Mickey didn’t get locked up at some point than that he did.

2.      Ian has visited Mickey before. We won’t get too deeply into this yet, but he thanks Ian for “coming back.” The other times, he wasn’t even paid to do it. So, as far as Mickey can tell, nothing has changed. Ian is focusing on himself right now, but his love for Mickey hasn’t dulled at all. That’s an encouraging thought, and it certainly puts a smile on Mickey’s face.

3.      Ever the opportunist and entrepreneur, Mickey really is doing just fine in prison. He runs a business, if you will, that appears to be quite lucrative already. This isn’t surprising either. Sadly, it’s a bad move. He’s already going to be in prison for somewhere around a decade, give or take a couple of years depending on his behavior. But his behavior isn’t good. He’s hurting people for money, and if he gets caught and brought up on more charges, not only will he serve the full fifteen years, but he could get more time added onto that.

4.      Ian is aware of this arrangement. He has to be if he’s been going there with Svetlana, and they weren’t exactly hiding what they were talking about. Ian has been very consistent throughout the series: he’s not as concerned with the moral implications of Mickey’s behavior, just how it could potentially impact their ability to be together. He still cares about Mickey at the start of s6, and Mickey can see it on his face when he won’t say it out loud. (More on that shortly.) Once he’s in a better spot mentally, maybe they would have gotten back together had Mickey been on the outside. I’m of the opinion that they would have based on the context of the situation. It isn’t an option, however. This is Mickey’s reality, and he’s not doing everything he can to get out earlier. If anything, he’s tempting fate on not being released at all. (This, in hindsight, sounds rather similar to the issues they’re dealing with right now in s11.)

So, this is where Mickey stands at the start of the season: a prison hitman who is quite pleased that the man he loves has come to see him again, even if the latter is visibly not in a very healthy mental state.

Starting Season 6: Ian

Ian isn’t in most of 6x01. What we do see of him is typically sad or colored by his frustration, outside Carl’s welcome home party at the end of the episode. Even then, there’s an aura of discomfort that accompanies the family’s knowledge that things have changed. Carl came out of juvie a different person—they’re all different people after s5, and they’re not sure how to handle walking on eggshells around each other.

From the very start of the episode, we see that Ian is still struggling even though he’s had enough time to at least partially adjust to his medication, especially if he’s been on and off of it. It’s so sweet how Fiona gently wakes him up—it’s also a bit different. What happened to banging on the bunk bed and yelling for them to come down for breakfast? After behaving pretty normally with Debbie at the bathroom door, she’s almost handling him with kid gloves, and the punches keep coming when she reminds him that he (1) has to get up for work at a place he despises and (2) needs to remember to take his meds.

The kitchen scene is extremely telling of where Ian is at this point, and it partially shows why he’s somewhat standoffish by the time we reach the prison scene. Most of the family is gone or different. Fiona is repeatedly on him about meds and getting to work on time—Ian, Mister Responsible himself who was out of the house before anybody woke up to get to work on time as a kid. Lip is at college. Debbie is absorbed in her unconfirmed but likely pregnancy. Carl is in juvie, and Liam is playing with the switchblade he found under Carl’s pillow before they take him to pre-K. His entire support system is either gone or treating him like he’s broken. All he has is Fiona “going Fiona” on everyone. It’s clear that this is impacting him because he actually derails the conversation to say that they should go visit Carl the following weekend, which was the position Debbie used to be in when Fiona was in jail. Just like Lip shut her down, Debbie shuts Ian down, and he doesn’t say another word as he drinks his coffee—which he can’t finish because Fiona is once again on him about work, so he trudges out the door to another day of being a busboy with no dreams instead of a soldier who has a future.

Work isn’t much better. Svetlana wants him to go see Mickey when he’s determined to stay away. (We don’t have confirmation, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that he wants to distance himself if Mickey is doing something that will potentially get him into even more trouble, especially given some of his reactions at the prison.) Sean is sending Fiona to nag him about not moving fast enough when the diner isn’t even busy. When Otis is chased down by the cops and slammed against the front window, Sean rather condescendingly tells him to, “take your rag and wipe the blood and snot off the window.” Ian—West Point-aspiring, ambitious, courageous, caring, intelligent, hardworking Ian has been reduced to wiping up someone’s snot by a boss who’s living in his house with a sister that’s treating him like he’s shattered glass and a family that is growing further and further apart these days.

That is the day Ian has had before he even arrives at the prison. Odds are that that is how most of his days have gone for quite some time, minus the blood and snot. …Maybe.

The Prison Scene

Now we come to it: what you actually asked about! It’s taken this long to get here because we can’t possibly interpret this scene effectively without incorporating all of what came before it. Mickey’s position is regrettable, but he knows that Ian still loves him and is at least handling his situation with all the grace and competence that we can expect from him. Ian is a bit of a mess who’s had a bad day and is now faced with the man he loves, who he is telling himself he can’t be with, sitting behind glass—where he’ll be for a good long while.

I’m going to divide this analysis into two sections. For a scene that many prefer to forget, to me, it’s a masterpiece of storytelling.

Physicality

The body language in this scene is remarkable—phenomenally blocked, phenomenally directed, and phenomenally portrayed.

When Mickey first appears, he’s visibly chomping at the bit to get to the visitation area. He’s peering out there while he’s still behind a locked door, and he only diverts his gaze to the guard because he’s waiting for him to unlock it. He’s cool about the whole thing—he’s very cool—but he’s obviously also here for one reason and one reason only. That reason is where his eyes go the moment he sits down at his stall and spots Ian’s coat where the latter is pacing behind Svetlana. Throughout their entire conversation, we see his eyes darting to Ian as he attempts to get the business out of the way so that he can indulge purely in the pleasure. It doesn’t matter to him that Ian is visibly tired and reluctant to be there or that he plays with Yevgeny instead of actively joining their conversation. It’s Ian, and all Mickey has to look at in here is a bunch of fellow thugs he hasn’t loved since he was too young to know what that meant. Damn right, he’s going to shamelessly watch him.

In Ian’s pacing, where we can’t see his face, I find it interesting that he keeps himself angled away from the glass. We see more of his back even though he’s moving side to side rather than away. He doesn’t want to see this. He doesn’t want to be there. In s7, he told Mickey how hard it was to see him behind glass—that wasn’t an excuse. He wasn’t falsely trying to make it sound like he was suffering at their separation just as much as Mickey was. We can see that that’s the case right here in 6x01. Ian has never had a problem sitting still through difficult moments, not even when a potential court martial that would further ruin his life was on the table. But this? He can’t sit down. He can’t face that.

The first time he turns directly towards Mickey’s location is so that Svetlana can hand Yevgeny off to him, and Mickey is visibly loving the view. His expression gets a bit softer, and he ducks his head a little so that he can catch a glimpse of Ian’s face. He follows Ian with his eyes even though Svetlana tries to get his attention. What a blast from the past, right? Ian there with his son, taking care of him while he and Svetlana figure out their business? And just like before, he offers Svetlana all of the attention and input that he deems her worth—next to nothing. Ian’s over there. Ian’s keeping the kid entertained, playing with him and rocking a bit in their seat and leaning over his little shoulder to make sure he’s doing okay—but forget that, Mickey’s eyes are examining him from red hair to beat-up shoes. He only glances back to Svetlana because he has to in order to get the information for their next paycheck. Even then, he’s still back and forth, up and down.

And Ian? He can’t keep pacing. He can’t stay turned away, but he won’t look. He occupies himself more than Yevgeny because now he’s low enough that he won’t just see an orange jumpsuit—he’ll see Mickey, and he’s had a bad enough day with his family making him feel more alone than ever without adding that pain on top of it. (This is the third time Mickey’s been locked up for something directly or indirectly related to Ian. I’m sure it’s not unreasonable to suspect that he also feels somewhat guilty about that, especially when it happened right after he broke it off.)

When Mickey asks if Ian is going to sit back there the whole time and not interact with him, Svetlana turns around and presumably says something to get his attention. Their eyes meet, and Mickey gives him a look that clearly says, “What the fuck, man?” This isn’t the behavior of a man who is heartbroken at their relationship ending or questioning Ian’s love for him. This is the behavior of a man who wants the love of his life to get his shit together enough to come say hi to him—or at least look at him—because he can’t pretend that he doesn’t want to see Mickey as much as Mickey wants to see him. It’s impossible to hide that when Ian has let Mickey see so much of his heart over the years.

Ian’s response is so fascinating because he does meet Mickey’s eyes, and he holds that connection for a moment. Then, reading what Mickey is trying to tell him, he actually turns further away again so that Mickey gets his shoulder. This sets the stage for the rest of Ian’s development from now through s9. He’s doing what Ian does: he’s compartmentalizing. He’s taking the emotions he can’t deal with right now, wrapping them in tissue paper, and neatly stacking them in a box that he’ll put up in the attic where he can pretend they don’t exist. But they do. They really do.

If they didn’t, he wouldn’t have spent their entire conversation trying so hard to focus on literally anything but Mickey, because as we saw in the Hall of Shame flashbacks and as has been obvious since their first fight-turned-fuck, once they look, the battle is lost.

Dialogue

I’m going to be real with you guys: I adore this scene. I’ve watched it more times than I can count even though I haven’t rewatched much of the season in its entirety. There was so much said with so few words, and while I was sad at the end, I was also hopeful. This was an impossible position to be put in on both sides, and I truly believe that this was the best resolution they could get at the time. And yes, it hurt. It was painful. But why was it painful?

Because they’re so visibly, obviously, irrevocably in love.

Mickey’s tone when he tells Svetlana to leave because he wants to talk to Ian isn’t as harsh as it’s been for the rest of their visit. There’s such a disconnect between his words and tone: roughly telling her to scram while actually sounding a bit younger at the idea of speaking directly with Ian. Svetlana could tell. It’s so clear, and her smirk is super knowing. In that moment, we’re seeing the woman who stood in the doorway of what was supposed to be her bedroom and watched him make eyes at this unconscious boy she didn’t really even remember. Not in the tears and realizing she was in big, big trouble if he left her, but in the understanding that his heart isn’t in the body on the other side of the glass—it’s sitting behind her. There are a lot of things I don’t like about Svetlana as a person (as a character, she’s amazing), but since they reached their agreement in s4, she’s never had a derogatory thing to say about the love those two share, and I respect that. It’s actually a bit cute how she takes her time and is almost teasing in giving him what he wants. A bit.

As I have this scene running on repeat so that I don’t miss anything in writing this, I paused to type and ended up on such a meaningful glance at Ian’s face. Svetlana just took Yevgeny from him, and he hasn’t gotten up yet. He’s staring straight at Mickey, and he looks hesitant. Scared, almost. Then he looks up at Svetlana, nods a bit, and reluctantly moves into her spot.

Is it overkill to take this one exchange at a time? Probably. Am I going to do it anyway? Hell to the yes.

1.      “Thanks for coming back.”/”Yeah… Svetlana paid me.” – I know that people hate this line and think this is painful. I know that it objectively is painful. I still laugh every time. Not because Ian agreed to come if he was paid. (He’s got medication to afford and no insurance. I can’t begrudge him wanting to make a few extra bucks any way he can.) Not because of the words, but because of what accompanies them. Ian will not look at Mickey—he’s lost so many battles lately, and he can’t lose this one too. Not when he started this one himself. He’s hemming and hawing, not looking up from the countertop and then twisting around to see if Svetlana is still there or anyone else is listening. It’s so stupid, because literally no one cares, but it gives you this sensation that Ian sees himself as being under a microscope the whole time. That’s his life anymore, at home and at work and now here. And Mickey? He doesn’t look terribly broken up about Ian accepting payment in exchange for coming. He gets this expression that I interpreted as, “Seriously? You’re playing it like that?” Then it settles into disappointment that Ian won’t open up or look at him like he normally would—that the glass interferes with the magnetic pull between them. But don’t worry, children. Uncle Mickey has just the thing to fix that: himself.

2.      “You look good.”/*awkward silence* – I mean…what do you say to that? I actually felt so bad for Ian there because what must he have looked like these last visits if Mickey is telling him that he looks good now? What kind of mess was he then when he’s still sort of a mess today? And he can’t even return the sentiment because how can he? Mickey is in prison. He’s in a jumpsuit looking at being here so long that he’ll probably have a few grey hairs starting to grow in when he gets out. I don’t know how to respond when people tell me I look good on an average day, so I can only imagine how that must have felt in his position. And still, he won’t do more than glance in Mickey’s direction. Well, if that didn’t work…

3.      Mickey chuckles and says he got a new tattoo. Ian’s eyes immediately shoot upwards, and Mickey slouches a little so that he’s in their direct line of sight—to hold them there, because once they look, the battle is lost. And Ian does lose. For a while there, he can’t look away again. First, because Mickey is courting some pretty nasty illnesses with his improper use of needles. Seriously, Mickey, a beautiful gesture but holy crap. Second, Mickey has his name (or a very close approximation to it) tattooed forever right over his heart. Ian had asked if Mickey was going to marry him, and Mickey told him to fuck off, but everything he’s doing points in the opposite direction. He promised sickness and health; now he’s made a permanent mark on his body for everyone to see. Mickey, who wouldn’t be seen in public with him once upon a time, has plastered Ian’s name onto his body. Ian tries so hard not to let that impact him, but it’s over. He’s lost the battle already, and he falls further and further. He’s smiling when he tells Mickey it looks infected, he teases him about the misspelling (which I think says more about how much that tattoo must have hurt than any inability to spell on Mickey’s part—I’d have a typo too), and he laughs at Mickey’s irritation that he messed it up. And it’s this sweet little laugh, not cruel or hurtful or mean. The wonderful thing about humor is that it can be used to cope with difficult emotions. We’ve seen a lot of people on the show start laughing when they’re in a bad place. Ian has been trying so hard to accept his life as it is even during the shitty day he was having. He tried so hard not to let himself fall into the trap of letting his love for Mickey rule his actions in the scene so far. That’s a lot. That’s denying himself to the point where I’m sure it hurts. And so he laughs, because Mickey did this crazy, absurd thing for him and yeah, it came out wrong, but he did it. This was all Ian wanted once upon a time (minus the felony), and now he has it—but he can’t have it. So he laughs. He immediately moves to hide it, but he laughs. He smiles more and has to bend away to pretend that he’s not—and Mickey lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree. This is the moment that keeps me from seeing this scene or Ian’s actions as being cruel. They’re both hurting, and this is an awful position to be in. But Ian loves him so much, and Mickey was doing everything he could to make him show it. Not exactly how he saw that going, I’m sure, but he’ll take it.

4.      “Been thinking about you.” – Knowing that he lost that one, Ian looks away again. While the end of this scene will hurt for both of them, especially Mickey, think about the pain he must be feeling in that moment simply because he’s not. He’s not hurting. For the first time that day, he feels good. This can’t last. Mickey isn’t coming home with him when time is up. This wonderful emotion that filled him up enough for him to laugh and smile after such a bad day will be gone the second he hangs up that phone. Then he’s going to go home and have Fiona breathing down his neck with nobody else for support. And Mickey will be here—behind glass. He can’t handle that, and he pulls that box out again and starts tearing off the tissue paper. He has to get rid of this feeling. He has to be the one to put it away before it kicks him to the curb. He’s stubborn, and Mickey can see him shutting down but also knows that he’s knocked enough bricks out of Ian’s walls to say something softer, something emotional and closer to the heart. Something he is willing to say where the other inmates can hear, which I don’t think is lost on Ian since he immediately looks up again. He doesn’t look away either, not even when Mickey asks if Ian thinks about him. He glances to the side and opens his mouth a bit, but nothing comes out. Mickey knows the answer.

5.      “Gonna wait for me?”/”You’re here for fifteen years.” – There’s this thing Mickey does after he first says that. He chuckles, because he knows that that’s pretty unreasonable to ask and has already predicted Ian’s response. His comment about being out in eight is lighthearted, a serious matter spoken as a joke because…this isn’t juvie anymore. They’re not going to see each other in a few months. This is Mickey’s version of what Ian was just doing, only where Ian tried to withdraw and escape within himself, Mickey is making it more humorous. He’s always done that, make light of pretty serious things to avoid looking at just how messed up it is. But I didn’t get the feeling he was really asking for Ian to wait that long. Instead, I got the feeling that he was testing the waters, seeing if Ian would shut him down—which he didn’t. He offered the bullshit excuse that Mickey tried to kill a member of his family, and Mickey saw through that immediately. I think he knows that he can’t ask Ian to seriously wait and never be with anyone else for fifteen years, or even for eight. I think he knows what he’s saying is a touch absurd. He also knows that Ian’s excuse is extremely absurd, and he doesn’t buy it for a second. It gives him a little courage to do something…well, a bit absurd.

6.      “Will you? Wait? Fucking lie if you have to, man. Eight years is a long time.” – I think the important part of this isn’t that Ian says he’ll wait when he doesn’t mean it, which is the popular take. For one thing, I don’t think we can ascribe that level of calculated behavior to Ian in this instance. There are a few things about this part of the scene that mean a lot to me: (1) Ian doesn’t get up and go. He doesn’t even move in that direction. He sits there with the phone after the buzzer sounds and before Mickey tells him to lie. His mouth opens and closes like he’s not sure what to say. Because what can he say? If Mickey serves the maximum, Ian will be in his mid-thirties by the time they can be together. At that point, he was either nearing eighteen or just turned. I still can’t fathom what I’ll be doing in my mid-thirties, and I’m a whole lot older than that. Ian looks just a little terrified here, and that’s because he knows he loves Mickey but has no clue what he’s supposed to do with that in the impossible circumstances they’re operating under. (2) Ian can’t even see himself moving on yet. He’s still trying to figure himself out, not think about a relationship. He has a job he hates, and his family is a different brand of chaos these days. He feels alone, yes, but not in a way that has him openly desperate for a relationship. Based on what he says to Mandy about Caleb, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be in a serious relationship at this point or even in a position for more than casual sex anytime in the near future. How can he say that he’ll wait when he doesn’t know where he’ll be whenever Mickey does get out? Maybe he’ll feel better. Maybe he’ll be out of his mind, roaming all over the place like Monica. Maybe he won’t just be standing on that bridge. It’s a huge question, one that has a lot of ramifications no matter what his answer is, and Ian clearly has none. He’s blindsided by that, which Mickey sees. That’s when he gets serious about those eight years, about how absurd their situation really is. That’s perhaps the first and only time in this scene where we can see that, for as successful as he is at navigating prison, his freedom means something to him. His freedom means he wouldn’t have to coax a glance out of Ian—he could kiss his dumb ass and make him stop being stubborn about how much he loves Mickey. But he can’t. He won’t be able to for a long time. And I think that is what really breaks his heart in this scene, not…

7.      “Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I’ll wait.” – Did anyone else notice how Ian swallowed hard before he answered? How his voice gets hoarse when he first speaks? I paused again to type, and the video is sitting on his face staring at the counter before the second part of what he says. He looks like he might cry. He looks like his heart is breaking just as much as Mickey’s is, because he can do what he’s asking this time—reassure him with a lie. Not because he doesn’t intend to wait, but because he is buried so far under what life has piled on top of him that he can’t see the light these days, and he doesn’t see waiting or moving on. He just sees the daily struggle of being this shell of a person. Of being without Mickey even if they’re not technically together. (Admittedly, I think he knew they would be if Mickey weren’t in prison at that moment. Ian has no real self-control where he’s concerned. Lip told him as much, and he’s self-aware enough to realize it, hence his behavior in this whole scene.)

When Ian hangs up the phone, he doesn’t get up immediately. He looks at Mickey—really looks at him—and each of them watches the other’s heart shatter. I don’t see it the way a lot of people do, though. On Mickey’s side, I don’t see it as being because Ian lied. I think it’s so much bigger than that.

Ian looks at him when they can’t hear each other anymore, and if he didn’t seem ready to cry before, he looks it now. Why? Because there’s nothing he can do for Mickey besides that. Ian, ever the giver, can’t give him anything. At that point, he couldn’t even help himself. He can’t be what Mickey needs in that moment, just like he couldn’t be what Mickey needed while he was sick, and it kills him. It kills him to know that by the time Mickey does get out, he’ll be older than he can fathom being and has no idea if he’ll even be around that long. It kills him to feel like even if he is, he’ll still have nothing to offer because, in his own words, this is where he lands. And it kills him to have to walk away and leave what he loves most behind glass.

Mickey is watching this. He knows Ian, and as painful as it was to get exactly what he asked for, it’s even more painful for him to see what him being here does to Ian. Where Ian is a giver, Mickey is a fixer. He makes things better. When stuff is broken, he puts it back together. When there’s a problem, he resolves it. Ian was going to leave because he couldn’t be an unacknowledged number three in Mickey’s life anymore? He jumped to solve the problem by coming out. Ian was acting strangely and wouldn’t get out of bed for so long that Mickey realized something was wrong? He immediately went to hunt down Lip, who he knows is closer to Ian than anyone else in his family. Fiona tells him that Ian is sick and needs to be cared for? He jumps in to do it, even to the point where it did more harm than good. Sammi caused a problem that Mickey couldn’t solve? He fixed the problem of her being there at all. But here he sits, behind glass, watching Ian that whole time and knowing that he was trying to maintain some emotional distance—and, because it’s Mickey, knowing why. There’s nothing he can do about this. He can’t fix it. For the first time since s3, Mickey is absolutely helpless to fix a problem. He takes a breath as Ian walks away as though he’s about to say something, but what can he say? What can he do? Nothing. He can do nothing but hang up the phone and weather the storm.

In the end, the heartbreak in this scene isn’t about them hurting each other, from my perspective. It’s not about Ian being callous and cruel or purposely trying to hurt Mickey. They know each other too well for that. They’ve been through too much. To me, this is about two people who love each other more than anything not being able to be what the other needed when they needed them—and that’s a whole lot more painful.

[thesimperiuscurse]

ALL OF THEM. For Eva

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themselves? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

Eva rarely seeks time alone. Her profession means that much of her time is dedicated to working by herself, but she’s very much extroverted and prefers to be in the lively company of loved ones. If she’s in distress, her first reaction is to reach out for her family, especially her mother Cherry, which is where she finds the most comfort. There are many places she loves in the wilds of California, and the ocean is where she can always find peace, but even then she doesn’t feel like there’s a spot where she can be truly alone—the birds and deer and the murmuring of trees are as conversational company as any. 

🍂 Does your OC enjoy hugs? What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? Over all what are they like with receiving affection from others?

Although in the professionalism of ballet she comes off as a steely and work-obsessed person, she’s cuddly with those she trusts. She gives hugs freely to all her friends and family, who in general are openly affectionate, so that’s just the way she grew up. Her ‘love language’ is physical affection. 

🌻 What little things do they notice about people or the world around them that make them happy? What tiny little treasures do they find in the normal every day that makes the world seem a little brighter for them?

She finds an infinite number of beautiful and simple things in nature—the blueness of the sky, the smell of the earth after rain, the soft whisper of the ocean washing back and forth across sand. Living in the city only amplifies her senses in picking out the tiny signs of emerald life amongst the hard urbanscape. She is far less likely to notice such little things of beauty in people, because frankly she cares more about nature than humanity, but that is until she met Mako. She notices more tiny details about him than she'd care to admit, like the way he always blushes when she says something nice to him, or how his dimples twinkle whenever he’s happy. 

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them.

There’s a radiance to her that feels like the golden summer sun, the dawn that rises from every night, breathtaking; she has an infectious energy and unabashed joy that has the extraordinary ability to bring smiles to people’s faces, far more than she realises; an open kindness and gentleness to her touch unlike anyone else; life, passion, freedom, love, strength, beauty, courage, light, everything that he is not. 

💐 How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?

She hates being sick. Anything that slows her down, brings her below her painstakingly achieved peak athletic performance, frustrates her greatly. She rarely catches trivial illnesses like colds due to her hardened immune system, but when she injured her Achilles Heel the previous year, she was forced to stop dancing and rest, which she handled really badly. Her temper dropped sharply to the point of lashing out. In terms of taking care of other people, she doesn’t consider herself as a particularly tender and gentle care-giver (her mom and sister Fawn are the fussy doters in the family) but later on she may surprise herself. 

🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?

Eva does have trouble articulating her feelings through words (at least, in an eloquent way) so she almost always communicates love through physical touch. This ranges from absentminded fingertip-brushes and shoulder bumps to baby koala cuddling. In reverse, Mako also has difficulty with verbal expression (though for another reason than being linguistically challenged) and over the past few chapters has been slowly learning how to return affection in their own wordless language. 

🌳 What is your OC’s favourite way to relax after a stressful day? Do they have a favourite book to curl up with? A hobby? Or do they have a nice bubble bath and have an early night to bed?

Almost every day is physically stressful for her, because dancing up to eight hours on end really does a number on her legs. As both the Nationals and academy production draws closer, she has to spend more time on caring for her health, so in the final hour of each night she relaxes with an ice bath for her calves and a long shower, soothing balms massaged into her muscles followed by heat packs, precious time chatting with her family, and then conks right out to sleep.  

🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for?

Eva is deeply empathetic, even more than Misha. She is capable of absorbing and feeling emotions as viscerally as if they were her own, which stems from her growing up amongst nature, listening deeply to all the movements and patterns of the earth. However, unlike Misha, she doesn’t have the social intelligence / self awareness to always understand the emotions or control her reactions to them. Her tunnel vision can mean that she’s often too preoccupied with herself to notice what's going on with other people. Her sympathy also has a very short rein. 

🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?

She’s not a fearful person and never gets nightmares, but there are occasional times when she can get extremely stressed due to complications in ballet. Again, she’s always reassured by her parents. Since she’s a bit far away from them now, the steady quiet of her partner is a calming influence. She’s never been alone in her life, so in that case... we shall see. 

🥀 How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?

She doesn’t have the patience to keep a journal. Tried once when she was a kid, kept it for three days, and never touched it again. 

🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?

Her best friends are Mako, Sasha, Piper, and Misha, and they’ve all been a tight-knit group of friends for one semester now. They are actually her first close friends out of her extended family, because her competitive nature and differences from ballet traditions always made her a bit of a loner, despite her natural friendliness. In the professional setting she spends most of her life in, she’s never on the lookout for making friends, and romantic partner wise, she’s never cared for that either. 

💫What is your favourite fact about this character and why?

I really like her sensory depth. The strength of which she feels things and her constant movement is enjoyable to write. 

☄️ Does this OC deserve better treatment from you? Do you make them suffer just a little bit too much? Be nice to them!

I have been super nice to her... so far. She’s sailing high on competition wins and lead roles right now, which isn’t to say she isn’t suffering for it, but she’s used to being the best and has become comfortable in that position. 

🌠 On a scale of 1 - 10 how baby is your OC? 

She is a hardcore and mature person for her age, as the intensity of pre-professional ballet required her to grow up fast. However, she does have a childish streak that shines through when she’s very excited, and most vividly in the safe calm of her partner. Her peak baby moments are when she’s sleepy or cold and half-consciously snuggles as deep as she can into Mako’s arms. She’s also dumb as fuck but lets not count that. 4/10. 

💦 If you as the writer could erase one traumatic event from this OC’s life what would it be and why?

There haven’t been any traumatic events in her life yet, because she’s been sheltered by her parents, who try their best not to let their own traumatic pasts cycle into their children. I think that’s the key difference between Eva and her partner, and the very different ways they deal with their very similar ballet-centric lives. 

[themattress]

The GOOD things about the OUAT Finale

The finale for the sixth season and original series of Once Upon a Time was sadly not on par with previous finales (save for Season 5′s) nor the ideal series finale it could have been.  But with that said, there were several positive aspects to it and I think they are worth looking at.

The Parallels - While the literal usage of the Dark Curse in order to give a sense of coming full circle was groan-worthy, there were many great parallels to the first season that came along with it such as Emma and Henry’s relationship, the evil gaslighting female mayor, Snow and Davd’s kiss and following exchange, the place they were married, Emma’s old apartment, Henry getting a sword from Mr. Gold just like Emma did in the finale, and of course the role-reversed True Love’s Kiss between Emma and Henry. That all worked.

Mayor Fiona - Fiona as the Black Fairy was a pretty lame villain, even with Jamie Murray doing her best in the role.  The awkward attempts to portray her as the Ultimate Evil and sheer unoriginality of combining many past Big Bad traits into one character left me very unimpressed.  But strangely enough, as the mayor of her cursed Storybrooke, Fiona finally became genuinely scary and despicable to me.  How seamlessly she could adopt the mask of being a kind, caring person made her even more hateful than the over-the-top Mayor Mills of Season 1, and her absolute psychotic conviction that all of her manipulative villainy was for a just cause made her frightening.  In the end, she was actually a pretty decent final foe.

The Multiversal Apocalypse - Even though the reason for it happening made absolutely no freaking sense (Why is the existence of all the realms suddenly bound to the Savior’s belief?), I still loved the stakes and intensity that it brought to the finale.  It was also a fantastic visual.  The image of a darkness consuming the world brings to mind the Nothing from The Neverending Story, which makes perfect sense for a show like this to reference. 

Operation Cuckoo’s Nest - Thank you, Henry. Finally a real nod to the fact that the psyche ward nurse and janitor are so clearly Nurse Ratched and Chief Bromdan from that story.

Hook’s Speech - In front of the beanstalk where the Captain Swan relationship officially began, Hook makes a passionate speech to David that sums up exactly why the couple, despite the missteps made with it in the past two seasons, is so great.  They weren’t some pre-destined pair that was guaranteed a happy ending by fate (the kind of relationship that Swanfire shippers insist that their ship was), it was two people who had to fight for their love and earn their happy ending.  Even better, Hook acknowledges the fact that is barely talked about in-show and out of it: that he and Emma made each other better.  Previously the show had been acting as if was just the love of a good woman than changed a bad man, while certain fans seem to think that Hook made Emma worse since S1 Emma is the pinnacle of strength and badassery (more on that later…), but in fact both characters have helped develop and improve one another over the course of their relationship. That is why CS > all.

Captain Charming - Following up from this, Hook and David’s beanstalk adventure and the reflection it shows on how their relationship has developed is beautiful.  If you ignore the bullshit retcon about Hook killing David’s father like the show does once its purpose of contrived temporary angst has been served, then the Hook/David bromance has been one of the show’s most endearing bonds over several seasons, and it culminates with the exchange where David admits to Hook that “he’s not trusting a pirate, he’s trusting his son….in-law.” 

Rumple’s Comical Misogyny - Rumple has always been a misogynist and usually it’s disgusting, but in both episodes of this finale it crosses the line into flat-out hilarity.  The first is when Fiona, after some dramatic build-up, reveals the supposed fate of Belle under this curse to him.  She has dared to pull a Milah, leaving her family to actually pursue her own dreams and sustain her own well-being by travelling the world!  Rumple’s horrified face as he looks through the obviously Photoshopped selfies of Belle at foreign landmarks is priceless. The second is when Rumple kills Fiona.  Not only is this another woman to add to his body count, but it’s his own mother!  Rumple’s habit of killing women who oppose him has finally reached the point where he kills the very woman whose womb he came from, the very woman who birthed him!  Again, his expression after this deed coupled with his shaking arm is hilarious, as if even he realizes just how fucked up his murderous misogyny has gotten!

The Book Burning Scene - The closing scene of Part 1, where Emma burns the Once Upon a Time storybook all while shit is getting real back in the Enchanted Forest, is excellently shot and scored.  I especially like when Fiona is to the side of Emma, tempting her, with flames seen just below her to signify how devilish she is, and when Emma sees the burning page of Hook’s picture which triggers something in her subconscious memory. It’s True Love, people.

“Hello there, Mummy” - Just…that line from Hook to Snow.  Best line in the whole finale.

The Evil Queen - One of the biggest surprises in the finale was the return of the Evil Queen who had been split from Regina and served as the main antagonist for the first half of the season.  Not only was the plot hole of her previous “happy ending” addressed (it wasn’t safe for her in the Wish Realm), but she proved to be noble and self-sacrificing in a way that Regina seldom has been.  I mostly liked the Evil Queen earlier in the season, and her performance in this finale just reinforces my firm belief that like with Jekyll and Hyde, it’s the alleged “dark” part who is truly the better half.  I can actually get behind her happy ending.

Gideon Gold - I never cared for Gideon throughout this season.  He was a whiny psycho who lacked charisma when he first showed up, and the retcon that his heart was being controlled by the Black Fairy still didn’t endear me to him.  But, like his surrogate mother, he was actually more effective here.  First he was a complete asshole under the curse which helped show how bad Fiona and what she has done is, then he was hilarious with his befuddled reactions to Fiona ranting on about magic and having his heart, and finally he was a truly sympathetic figure, forced to be a puppet who had to fight and kill Emma even when he didn’t want to, a huge improvement over his “I wanna be the Savior!” crap from before.  I actually felt for him, and was glad that he was reset into a baby, giving him another chance.

Emma’s Character Development - Whenever people say they want “Season 1 Emma” back, they seldom mean the Emma who had great plot relevancy who got to be the hero, nor the Emma who saw Regina for the sociopath that she was and stood up to her.  No, they mean they want the shallowly “badass” Emma who was cold and muted in her emotional reactions, wore leather jackets all the time, punched people, said snarky things to everyone, and who was cynical and unbelieving in magic…and who was also a sad, pathetic loner. She was someone with no life beyond her job, had no friends because she pushed everyone away with her “walls”, and refused to believe in magic that she was at the center of because her self-esteem was so low that she refused to believe she had any such worth.  All that bluster about “punching back and saying ‘this is who I am’?  Just a way to repress what she truly thought of herself: as an unlovable orphan.  In this finale, they brought Season 1 Emma back, were not subtle about how negative a person she was, and then showed just how she’s changed for the better.  Even when cursed to regress back to her Season 1 self, all of Emma’s development doesn’t just disappear.  It’s still there in her subconscious, and thus she ends up doing something the actual Season 1 Emma would never have done - believe in Henry and believe in herself because she wants to be the kind of magical hero he insists that she is and she’s willing to take a chance on becoming that hero. She’s truly punching back - against her own bleak outlook - and defining who she is: the Savior, giver of hope and light.

Rumple Beside Himself - Why did it take until the last episode for Rumple in his present-day Mr. Gold identity to stand opposite from his manic, sparkly past alter-ego?  Given how the Dark One was established to work in Season 5, this felt like a much more natural thing to have happen than Regina and the Evil Queen sharing screentime together.  Robert Carlyle is fantastic in both roles, as Rumple is tempted by his own dark side into once again making the wrong choice and screwing everyone over, but for some reason or other, he’s not having any of it this time and does the right thing.  This doesn’t redeem him by a long shot, especially since the current crisis is his own fault, but it’s nice to see him take a stand all the same.

The Final Battle - Fiona may go out in an anticlimactic way, but she does leave behind a pretty ingenious trap: she gives Gideon’s heart the command for him to kill Emma at all costs. If Emma is killed, then light magic as embodied by her will die.  If Emma kills Gideon, who is an innocent victim, it will cause light magic to die too!  In a callback to 6x02, Regina says Emma can find the third way that she could not when faced with a similar situation when the Charmings were attacked by the heart-controlled Edmond Dantes.  She finds that third way by allowing Gideon to stab her in order to save him, hoping that a self-sacrifice like this will spare light magic.  At the same time, Rumple gives Gideon’s heart the command to not kill Emma, which can’t fully override Fiona’s command but causes his stab to curse her rather than irretrievably kill her.  And because good as represented by the Savior and evil as represented by the almost-Savior both did the right thing, both combatants of the Final Battle are able to survive it.  I’ll admit it - that’s actually some decent writing. Still, I’d rather Rumple have died as a part of his contribution, since it’s pretty galling that he gets off scot-free. 

The Closure - The happy ending montage is beautiful…for the most part, anyway.  The “Swan-Mills Family” pandering moment is ridiculous, and Regina and Rumple’s big scenes are morally twisted and infuriating.  But the closing scenes for Snow, David, Emma and Hook are all perfect, with the first couple finally getting a better house complete with a barn and David’s old dog, and the second couple patrolling the streets as sheriff and deputy, with the hilarious added detail of a siren put on the yellow bug.  And if you’re actually able to stomach the presence of Regina, Zelena, Rumple and Belle, then the final shot of the big family dinner at Granny’s is pretty touching as well, especially when it turns into the final page of the book. 

[thejoyouslife-oneofpurpose-blog]

Is Motherhood Even “Work”?

While this image is meant to be funny, it is entirely true. The institution of motherhood encompasses the fulfillment of so many roles including: taxi driver, home aide, doctor, counselor, teacher, superwoman.. just to name a few. The immense amount of pressure, along with responsibilities and obligations, that mothers are expected to endure, is shocking yet still not surprising within the context of our society. Fathers or other caregivers appear to be given a free pass by society to sit back and invest less time and effort simply because the mother is viewed as the main, and sometimes even sole, caregiver of a child’s emotional and physical needs while the father provides by working outside of the home and spending a little bit of time with the child at the end of the day.

These roles should be reversed to help the male members of society and political leaders understand that motherhood is as valuable to society as a “9-5” job and perhaps more, since motherhood is around the clock, even when those who work “9-5”s don’t want to be bothered. Even more unlikely but ideal, would be to create a system that encourages, as well as, enables, good parenting and familial stability. Our current expected paradigm and the reality of it, fails us time and time again. Parents should be seen as equals, working together, equally, to provide the best life for a child in any way they can. However, from my own experience, I have found that the bond that a mother experiences with her child is unexplainably deep, probably due to spending nine months together before he/she even arrives, but nevertheless, that bond can either be nurtured or suppressed. While, biologically it appears that mothers should be the primary caregivers within the home, which is sometimes even preferred by the mother herself, as a progressive species it is our duty to break these primal norms and offer more than one solution or standard that can be respected by all and puts less pressure on mothers to “do it all” or be the “perfect mom.”

Unfortunately, due to a lack of understanding and inability to look past the current paradigm of family within society, more often than not, the work of motherhood goes unappreciated, by loved ones, friends, peers, and society in general. This becomes apparent when assessing and then applying the true value, or labor, of motherhood. Ann Crittenden, a respected writer in the social science and academia community, is known for bringing awareness to this issue in her book, “The Price of Motherhood: Why The Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued,” (which can be found on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Price-Motherhood-Important-World-Valued/dp/0312655401.) It is a moving work of nonfiction that relays the unspoken (or overlooked, misunderstood, etc.) misfortunes of motherhood within our American society and the impact that has on our economy, family, and institutions. She aims to provide a new perspective regarding motherhood and the institutions surrounding it. To better understand how the institution of motherhood affects the economy, read below for an expert from her book:

“A survey of 348 male managers at twenty Fortune 500 companies found that fathers from dual-career families put in an average of two fewer hours per week – or about 4 percent less – than men whose wives were at home. That was the only difference between the two groups of men. But the fathers with working wives, who presumably had a few more domestic responsibilities, earned almost 20 percent less.” 

― Ann Crittenden, The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued

Crittenden insists that to increase the value associated with mothering, women and supporters must speak up about their experiences and express their desire to have motherhood be recognized for its significance within our culture and institutions. Without motherhood, family, education, government, and more would simply cease to exist or become even more imbalanced.

Being a mother is the greatest gift but it is also the greatest challenge. Since society likes to put more emphasis on the mother to be the primary care giver for every one of the child’s needs, especially when a partner is absent, America needs to respect its mothers and show that respect through equal pay, adequate maternity leave, and overall a system that works for mothers and the youth of America instead of against.