#Emotions and stories all through the lens I've written and to yet write.

[captainkurosolaire]

I've told you this before but you are an inspiration to me to keep going when I'm lost in the darkness. You're apologetically you and I admire that a lot. You're passionate about your projects and I will always be your biggest cheerleader to see you through to the end of Captain's story.

ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT ME. I CAN’T REPLY, JUST PUBLISH.

[statisticallymorelikely]

✨00Q end of the year fic rec list ✨ (to commemorate the year of the lord 2023 when this ship came back to kick my ass)

the simplest of crimes by pdameron - fake marriage AU. my favorite 00Q fake married au just because the stakes are so low like they didn't have to do all that but the build up is so good.

come a lily, come a lilac by pdameron - florist!Q AU. this really got me giggling and twirling my hair.

James Bond Will Return by sorion - post-Spectre James comes back. a very charming character study.

as permanent as stone cathedrals by pdameron - pining Q. beautifully written with just the right amount of whump.

people can surprise you (or not) by pdameron - fake relationship but posh. i love whodunnits.

Hold Tight by orphan_account - Spectre fix-it. and fix it they did. also has my second favorite Q name.

lacunae (just the blood you owe) by finestkind - Q offers comfort as bond deals with grief. this fic honestly makes me ache, the way it handles friendship and grief and love UGH.

Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You) by Brihna - Spectre re-write where Q and James sleep before he goes off to Mexico. possibly my favorite Spectre fix-it, love emotional constipation and miscommunication.

Crossing the Bar by GwynDuLac - Q pulls bond out of retirement for an emergency mission. the best mission fic i have ever read hands down.

bloom on my skin, echo in my soul by Areiton - soulmate au. gorgeous writing.

if I couldn't be strong by SailorChibi - post-Spectre James is found abandoned in a hospital in a coma. i love how quietly vindictive Q is in this.

a bloodless coup by Ark - marathon sex. very vulnerable.

I Could've Been a Maths Teacher by Brihna - Q branch gets invaded. v good translation of the comic into prose.

I Don't Take Your Pleasure For Granted by Catchclaw - Q develops a crush. love me some pathetic Q.

I Won't Shiver, I Won't Shake by Only_1_Truth - Skyfall re-write, lots of Q whump. the hurt is so good but the comfort is even better. plus i love attack roombas.

Favours by dhampir72 - pining from Q's POV. fun fact: my gf once quoted a line of this fic to me and i knew immediately which fic she was reading, that's how much i've read this.

rain by Aniron84 - touch starved Q. god GOD, this fic!! there was a time in my life, i read this multiple times a day. the description of loneliness is so on point it always hurts.

Fidelity by marlowe_tops - Q seems to have picked up a stray. local idiot doesn’t know he’s in a relationship, struggles mentally

Indelible by enjolras_lexa - 5+1 of bond breaking into Q's apartment. quite gentle and funny.

A Hitch in the Holster by APrettySpy - Q is having A Time during a heat wave and like Q i'm not immune to the holster

when the world isn't fair by Mlle_Heloise - James rescues Q's holiday. warm and fluffy.

The Pros and Cons of Wayward Agents by Brihna - Q whump with a protective Bond. is it bad to be all teehee while reading someone beat someone else to unconsciousness

Best Dressed by HandsAcrossTheSea - PWP with kilts! really good p0rn and with bottom Bond to boot!

Through A New Lens: A Spectacular Love Story by christinefromsherwood - Q discovers he has a glasses kink, or does he? listen, i too am not immune to daniel craig in glasses so i can relate.

talk / listen by thestalwartheart - dirty talk. a masterclass in p0rn honestly, SO good.

The Inevitability of Time by dhampir72 - soulmate au. will never stop recommending this, it's so tragic and yet not?

[writing-for-life]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN DREAM'S HAIR USED TO BE WHITE!! oh my god. i just saw your post about killala and i have now perished. thanks for breaking my heart.

but also hi!! i'm relatively new to the fandom and it's a great place to be. i haven't finished reading all the comics yet but i'm curious to know:

what do you think are the main differences between TV!Dream and Comics!Dream? i've heard so many people claiming that he is incapable of changing, for instance, and though the show does convey his overall rigidity pretty well, i'm not getting the vibe that he's immutable.

also!! it's clear that he feels a lot. which is always funny to me when the corinthian is like yo, try this and maybe you'll feel something for a change but like. he does!!! or i get the impression that he does. he probably feels too much if anything?? all of it simmering just beneath the surface, barely contained. how would you personally analyze his relationship with his own emotions?

i hope all of this is coherent enough for you to answer lmao, i saw your post about enjoying being asked sandman questions two seconds after i woke up and barged into your inbox. hope you have a lovely day!

Thanks so much for the ask, and welcome if you’re new(ish) to the fandom! 🤗

I’m sorry I broke your heart—much more heartbreak to come I fear if you haven’t read the comics yet, so I’ll try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible.

I am one of those people who believes the differences between comics!Dream and show!Dream are actually not as big as they are made out to be where it matters, and you will definitely find people who disagree. At the end of the day, we all read it through our own lens and will never be fully objective about it.

The main difference I see is that they filed off the rough edges of the comics a bit to make a new audience sympathise more. It’s very hard to do that with a character who is basically in full arsehole mode for most of the first 40 issues or so, and even then only slowly begins to come out of it (although we can obviously see glimmers of what lies below the surface at the beginning of the comics, too, but it’s far more subtle than in the show). I’ve worked in musical theatre for a over decade of my life and understand a bit about bringing the written word to stage/screen, and some things simply don’t translate well from book to stage/screen, and you have to change it. So my personal opinion is we get a more sympathetic Morpheus and certain changes so the audience can do exactly that—sympathise off the bat. You will lose an audience pretty quickly if they don’t care about the protagonist and the universe he moves in, and you can’t be as nuanced about it as you can be in a written work. We’re talking about streaming services thinking about profits here, even if people don’t want to hear it.

Also: The more you sympathise with a character, the deeper the emotional investment and the more you feel, even if it hurts.

Having said this, I don’t think Morpheus is incapable of change, and I never got where that idea comes from. His biggest flaw is that he believes he cannot change (and even he has moments when he admits he might have). In the introduction to Endless Nights, Neil Gaiman says that he was once asked to describe The Sandman in twenty-five words or less, and famously, it was this (you might have heard it):

“The Lord of Dreams learns that one must change or die, and makes his decision.”

And I think some people might have wrongly taken that for an either/or thing. I don’t want to say too much at this point because I don’t know how much you know (if you’d like spoilers or already know how it ends, let me know, I’ll happily expand on it). Only so much:

He is capable of change, also in the comics. Very obviously so. But just like he denies he has his own story (which also isn’t true), he denies he can change. Or at least he thinks he perhaps cannot change enough (it’s actually hard to write about this without giving everything away, help! 🙈).

As for his feelings: He does feel, but again, it is something he pushes down and will deny himself. Until it bursts to the surface and breaks through, and when that happens, it’s usually with, well, let’s say varying results, and that’s putting it mildly. Personally, I’d say he has problems relating to his feelings, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel. Quite the opposite in my view. He holds the collective unconscious—all unprocessed feelings and whatever else floats around in that collective mess, and it’s exactly what he says to the Corinthian in that famous scene: he needs to keep a lid on it and keep that lid firmly closed so all of it doesn’t consume him. But that also means denying himself the feelings that are linked to his own personhood (if you want to call it that). There’s Dream of the Endless, and then there’s Morpheus. And while they’re one and the same and inseparable, Morpheus is also the “point of view”. The character, the person, if you will. And deep down, he craves that personhood so badly. Out of all the Endless, he is the only one who basically collects names because they mean having something beyond his function, which is also mirrored in what he tells Death in “The Sound of her Wings”: he wants something more. He is the only one whose realm is populated with sentient beings (yes, I know Despair has rats, but I think you get my drift). He is desperately lonely and struggles with it. He seeks connection yet denies it to himself. That’s not someone who doesn’t feel.

I don’t know if this answers your questions at all—I was doing the wild “spoiler-free” dance 🤣 But please let me know if you want me to go a bit deeper, I love talking about this stuff.

You can also have a look at my metas if you haven’t already. The headers pretty much explain what they’re about and what spoiler-level to expect, but none of them are truly spoiler-free I guess:

Again, thanks so much for encroaching on my inbox, and feel free to follow up if anything was left unanswered.

@dreamaturgy ask answered

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Fandom's Takes On Trauma Are Terrible And Here's Why: brought to you by terrible Coriolanus Snow and Anakin Skywalker discourse

I've been on the verge of making this post for a while now, but I kept not doing it because this might be a bit of a hot take and I don't like offending people. However, I've been growing increasingly annoyed with the perception of one specific character type so lets see how much my dumb opinions stir the pot this time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. This will be focused mainly on my current main fandom: The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes, as well as Star Wars. You'll see why. Now, I need to make it clear that I'm not judging anyone for their opinions on characters for any reason. In no way am I insinuating you're a bad person for having opinions different to mine or that you’re not allowed to have them. What I am saying is that fandoms have some frustrating and frankly insulting beliefs around trauma and those who survived it, and I'm gonna talk about it because I want to get this off my chest. With that said:

Y'all don't understand how trauma works and it annoys me

As stated in the title, I'm writing this because of the Coriolanus Snow discourse, specifically regarding whether he's a good or bad person. Lets rip off the bandaid straight away: He's a bad person. There's no question about it, Snow is a vile human being. And he's one of my favorite characters because of it. He's fantastically written and hands down one of the most realistic, viscerally terrifying yet utterly pathetic villains ever. And what I hate about the TBOSAS fandom more than anything (aside from how some of them treat the actors) is the way they take away all his agency in the story. But I'll put a pin in that because I have a lot to say about him and instead start at the beginning of my growing frustration with how fandom perceives trauma (feel free to skip through this post, I'll label my sections in case you don't wanna read this whole thing). There's two sides, and both are equally stigmatized and wrong. So lets start with the more obvious one through the lens of Anakin Skywalker.

The Star Wars Fandom's Weird Relationship With Traumatized Children Behaving Like Traumatized Children

So Anakin Skywalker AKA Darth Vader is pretty explicitly a Bad Dude who's done some Bad Things. Bro committed genocide, ain't no getting around that, except... It's a little more complicated. Sure, he did all those terrible things, but a lot of people take that to mean he was always a horrible monstrous big bad in the making who was destined to become the galaxy's worst nightmare. That's missing the whole point of the prequel trilogy, because those movies essentially serve to explain all the reasons for Anakin's descent into villainy, and he had surprisingly little hand in it. Growing up into slavery means he not only has a warped view of the galaxy thanks to all the horrors he's witnessed, it also means he lacks the teachings Jedi younglings get when they grow up in the temple. He was pawned off onto Obi-Wan who had only recently been knighted and was in no way ready to raise a child, and became "friends" with Palpatine who fed him all sorts of lies to manipulate him into becoming little more than an attack dog. Not exactly ideal circumstances for a child in their formative years. Did Anakin shirk the Jedi's rules? Yes. Did he do dumb stuff? Yes. But he was a traumatized teenager, of course he's acting out. When he massacres the Tusken Raiders, it's Padme Amidala who reassures him it was the right thing to do. He felt guilty about it, so this idea that he's some apathetic monster from the second he's born is dumb. It's not that Anakin was born wrong, it's that the people around him either failed to help him go down the right path or were actively trying to push him down the wrong one. Anakin never fully grasped the Jedi's ideals, because the person meant to teach him just wasn't equipped to do so. If he'd had someone to teach him how to get a hold of his emotions, distancing himself enough from them to make the best possible decision and helping him understand the importance of letting someone go when you have to, he wouldn't have fallen to the dark side the way he did.

Anakin did terrible things, but blaming it on him just having an evil heart shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how people's environments change who they are. A life in slavery, where he was not allowed to have anything and risked losing what he held dear at any second with no control over it likely caused him to be very possessive of what he held close to his heart once he did have some control over what he kept and lost. Shmi died because he wasn't there to protect her (in his head), so he clung to the people he loved so he could save them the way he couldn't save his mother. Palpatine actively groomed him, if you think that didn't have any effect on him I don't know what to tell you. Throughout the war, he constantly lost people he was close to. That control he had slowly starts to fade as Ahsoka leaves and he starts having dreams about Padme dying. He does everything to save her, only to find out she betrayed him (in his mind, a thought quite likely influenced by PTSD as well). I can tell you that believing one of the few people you trust has betrayed you can make you act very impulsively. Anakin made an impulsive decision and regretted it for the rest of his life. He wasn't born a monster, the world turned him into one.

However, that does not excuse his actions. It explains them and spreads the blame to more people, but his actions are still his actions. Anakin separated himself from his past because of all the pain it brings him, and in doing so he did a lot of bad things. And he still needed to face consequences for those actions, even if the events that led up to them aren't necessarily on him entirely. If he'd gotten therapy, he wouldn't have choked Padme to death. Possibly he wouldn't have attacked the temple. But he didn't, and he did all those things trauma or not. I have major issues with the way some Anti-Anakin parts of the Star Wars fandom insist on ignoring or writing off his trauma, but that doesn't mean I'm absolving him of all guilt.

An explanation is not an excuse, and that sentiment brings us to the reason for this little rant:

Coriolanus Snow's defenders have a habit of infantalizing trauma survivors and I wish they would stop

Oh Snow, how your amazing character completely flew over the heads of most of your loyalest fans. I'm joking, obviously, but also... It's not exactly wrong. Now, I need to make this clear: I'm not insulting Snow fans here. I'm kind of one of them (I hate his guts but I love how he was written, it's a love hate relationship). However, the way people talk about his trauma... I'll be honest, it's kind of sickening for reasons I'll talk about later after getting through the technical(?) stuff. Where the way people view Anakin disgusts me, the way people treat Snow disturbs me. Because people view The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes as if it's some typical tragic villain backstory that humanizes and in some ways justifies who he became, to show what changed him from a normal person into a monster. It's not. It actually shows that Snow has always possessed the traits that made him the monster we know from the OG series. What it does is explain why specific things were so important to him and how he grew to lose all redeeming qualities, letting the worst aspects of his personality grow and take over until it's all there's left of him.

What made Snow do stuff like poison political adversaries and constantly beat down the districts so they don't rebel? A thirst for power. A thirst he's always had, born from the feelings of entitlement he held thanks to his family's previous status. He deserves that power in his mind, so he'll do anything to get it. Power, control, and influence are his driving motivators. It's at the back of his mind throughout TBOSAS, and by the time he becomes a gamemaker it's the only motivation he has left. Those traits, the things that pushed him to do what he did, they were always there. There was just more stuff to cover it up. Stuff that fell away with time. Snow is a terrible person, but people pretend he's some poor misunderstood baby who just needed a hug because... why? Because he has trauma. And that's the root of the problem. Does he have trauma? Absolutely. He survived a war, he lost his parents, struggled through poverty while being raised by propaganda from the Capitol and was arguably groomed by Gaul. Sound familiar? It's kind of like Anakin. Horrible childhood filled with loss, less than amazing figures raising him and grooming. Except people use the opposite argument for him which is equally wrong: he's traumatized, so we cannot blame him.

Yes we can.

Trauma does not justify your actions. It might explain them, but you are still accountable for your own actions. Snow murdered people, starting with Bobbin, and every single time it was his choice to do so. It doesn't matter why he made that choice, because he still did it. He ruined countless lives and ended nearly as many, both directly and indirectly. No amount of trauma justifies that. I've seen people claim he's just an anxious young boy who's a poor victim of circumstance, and anyone who doesn't believe so is simply unable to separate the actions of an 80-something-year-old from the 18-year-old, but... No. That's one of the most braindead takes I've ever heard, I'm sorry. Snow hadn't committed the crimes of his older self yet, but the behaviors he shows in TBOSAS are the ones that led him to doing so later on and ignoring that is just stupid. I don't need to judge Snow based on his later actions to call out how fucked up he was in TBOSAS. Again, he chose to murder several people and deluded himself into believing he was justified. That's what makes him a great character. Bad people always believe, on some level, that they're doing the right thing. It's fascinating. But people take his words at face value when he says he's doing the right thing, and the whole point is that he's wrong. He's lying to himself. Because that's what people do sometimes. Snow's family was knocked off its throne, and Snow clung to the idea that the districts are beneath him and at fault to cope with that. He deluded himself into believing Gaul's dumbass theory to justify continuing the games.

It's the exact opposite of Anakin Skywalker: Trauma is relevant, it does inform your perspective on the world and your actions, but it does not mean you can do no wrong. Snow had every chance to be a good person: Knocking Bobbin out or running away instead of murdering him, joining the rebellion with Sejanus, staying in district 12 with Lucy Gray and being honest with her. But he killed Bobbin. He fucked over the rebels and got Sejanus killed. He lied to Lucy Gray and destroyed any chance he had with her. Every chance he got, he threw into the fire without hesitation. Anakin leaned into being a bad person to forget the past, Snow chose to be one because it benefitted him the most. Neither of them are excused because of their trauma, their descent into villainy is simply explained. You know why? Because both of them created new victims. Snow was complicit in the murder of hundreds of children before becoming responsible for thousands more, he killed people with his own hands and ruined several lives over the course of TBOSAS. All that pain he caused isn't erased because we can explain why it happened. Even at 18, Snow has many things he should be held accountable for. War, being an empoverished orphan, being groomed, none of that nullifies the shit he's done. People who say Snow's just an anxious, young, traumatized boy are one side of the horseshoe theory of the myth of "the perfect victim". The "Anakin's Trauma Should Be Ignored Entirely" crowd are the other side. Which brings us to...

It's all horseshoe theory

To conclude the analytical part of my post, I'll bring it back to what I briefly mentioned in the intro to all of this. Agency. That's the running thread here. Both in cases like Anakin and cases like Snow, the fandom takes away all agency a character has in the story for the sake of justifying one's feelings about them. Anakin was born a monster and he was always destined to be evil. It wasn't the trauma, it wasn't the events of the story, he's just bad. On the other hand, Snow is a good person who was made to do terrible things by his trauma. It's all the trauma and nothing else. His bad childhood caused him to be this way and it has nothing to do with his own worst personality traits. See the connection? In both these instances, the characters had no influence over who they became. With Anakin, nothing could've had any influence because he's just born wrong. With Snow, it's everything around him that shaped him into who he was. Both scenarios completely ignore the character and focus on external factors to explain everything. One demonizes trauma victims by saying those that went off the rails are just bad people and there's nothing to be done about it, the other infantilizes trauma survivors by saying they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions just because they have trauma and it's only when they're older and should know better that we can bring consequences down on them.

Victims of trauma should be held accountable, though. The only thing the presence of trauma should change is what kind of accountability. Merely locking them up won't change anything, they should receive help to work through their problems while residing in a place where they cannot hurt anyone else. Including themselves. That is what acknowledging trauma is useful for. But this? This is doing nothing but stigmatizing trauma survivors even more than they already are, and I hate it. And you wanna know why I hate it? Because I've been both sides of this horseshoe, and it nearly got me killed.

The part where I talk about my Tragic Backstory(TM) to explain why this bothers me so much

This'll be a little heavy, so while I'm not gonna go into detail I advise you to please be careful. If you're not in the headspace to handle talk about actual real life mental health issues, feel free to stop reading here. I'm putting this at the end for a reason. If you really wanna know why people's perspective on Snow disturbs me but don't wanna risk getting triggered, skip to the last bold line in this post.

Without going into detail, I've dealt with some pretty big mental health issues throughout my life. One of them is PTSD, so believe me when I say I understand that trauma can heavily influence one's actions in ways even they don't understand. But I had to learn the hard way that there's a difference between explaining and excusing. I used to believe that, because of my previous experiences, I was entirely justified in doing what I was doing. Kind of. At that point, I didn't know that what I was experiencing was PTSD, but I did feel justified in my actions the same way Snow does. I explained every bad thing I did away and wrote it off as nothing or sometimes even as a good thing. Granted, I never did anything as big as committing murder, but I don't live in a country as dark and horrible as Panem so we'll chalk it up to that. As I grew older, I started to recognize the ways in which I accidentally hurt the people around me, and eventually had the realization that my past does not in fact justify the pain I was causing people entirely uninvolved in what happened to me. They had nothing to do with that, and shoving all my pain onto them the way I did was wrong. My view of myself pivoted to the other side of the horseshoe. If I'm not justified, am I... am I bad? Am I evil? Am I just born wrong?

I don't know how to explain this to anyone who hasn't gone through this themself, but that is a horrible feeling to have. To feel like you're just bad and there's nothing you can do about it... It kills something inside of you. A hope, a will to keep going and keep trying. Why bother when you cannot be fixed? I've lost the will to live at two points in my life, and that was one of them. And now I get to see both of these mentalities be repeated by dumbasses who don't understand the first thing about trauma. It's... not fun. It's grating and aggravating in a way I can't accurately bring across with just my words. It makes me wanna scream and laugh hysterically until I cry.

Here's the thing: I relate to Snow, and the way people perceive him disturbs me on a visceral level.

As I said, I justified my own bad behavior the same way he does. I convinced myself I was a blameless poor victim who had no hand in their actions. But just like Snow, I did. Not nearly as much as I would have liked, but I did. I learned to control the defensive mechanisms my trauma gave me, and I grew from it. Seeing people defending Snow with the same arguments that kept me from ever getting over what happened to me, crying out that he's just traumatized so none of it's his fault... it disturbs me. Because they're outsiders who should be able to see the pain he caused others and realize that nothing changes the fact that he did that. But they don't. They're me, without any of the personal stakes that kept me trapped in my own delusions. It's all just fiction, and I know that, but it hits just a little too close to home for my comfort. It's a little too raw and a little too real for me to just let it go and move on again like I always do.

I'm sorry for the rant, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I guess I hope you find something of interest in here that made it worth reading? Have a nice day 💜

[merakiui]

Hi! This is my first time asking someone in Tumblr, so I don't know if this is the right place to ask or is this a place to make a request only?

But I have a question regarding tips on writing fanfic or the twisted wonderland character in general.

1) How do you write the characters personality in the fic? Do you have to do a lot of analysis characters before writing it?

2) How can you describe the moments and the vibes especially the creepy and angsty moments so well? It is as if you're in the story yourself!

3) How can you get such a good and unique ideas?

4) I love your fics! It's so amazing that I've always check up your ramblings to see new stuff! Also, you're so funny it's cute

Hi hiii!! :D this is the right place to ask all things! Thank you for your questions! I love rambling about writing, so I'm happy you're curious.

1.) I often study their canon habits and interactions to see how well that translates into yandere. In twst's context, there's a lot of potential (considering many of the cast are inspired from villains and the storylines have gotten dark on plenty of occasions). I also just enjoy analyzing characters!!!! It's so fun to look at them individually but also the dynamics and connections shared between other characters as well as their backstories and motivations. If it's a character I haven't written much of before, I'll do more research and analysis beforehand. When it comes to book 7, I've held off on spoiling myself as best as I can and diving into the plot because I want to be surprised when it comes to English. orz which is why I've yet to write anything in-depth for Silver, Lilia, and Sebek.

2.) Aaaa I'm glad it feels immersive! I look at it objectively and try to imagine what someone might do in a certain situation. It varies by character and personality, but then it's also fun to consider the various ways in which paranoia or anger or angst can take someone. I've felt raw, paralyzing fear before in the past, so sometimes I draw from my own experiences when writing those sorts of strong, all-consuming emotions! I also think the setting can help add to the overall atmosphere and feeling in a story. Using the weather to reflect emotions in characters, using the scenery to juxtapose something horrible with something happy, using the allure of various settings to add to the romance or heartbreak, etc etc. There are so many elements to a story that can be played with to get the desired emotional effect!!!

3.) I think it's just in my nature to tell stories. I adore writing and coming up with new ideas. >w< I'm always looking at things through a creative lens hehe. Most of my ideas are the product of my thinking too much or considering a simple subject in a complex light. I like being able to add unexpected twists to the plot.

4.) THANK YOUUUUU!!!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ I'm immensely flattered you would tune into my ramblings. And thank you for thinking I'm funny! This is arguably the highest compliment anyone can bestow upon me. I greatly enjoy being a court jester and making others laugh or smile. (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[amazing-spiderling]

ao3 wrapped game: 3 5 28

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Gosh, this is a tough one. I feel like my answer probably changes regularly, especially if I feel like I've had a breakthrough with a story, and to that end, I guess this story did provide a breakthrough- but in a more literal way. I have an old story (based on some Metal Gear Solid 4 stuff with Old Snake), "He's Forgotten" which is perhaps not my best written or most eloquent story, but it's one I wrote to process some feelings I was having at the time about my dad getting older and his health failing. I wrote it to... maybe not get through all of my emotions on the matter, but at least help organize them and I think it really helped me appreciate having writing as an outlet, not just for "make blorbos kiss" but also just to process things I was going through and using fandom as a lens to view them at a safe distance. I don't know if pride is the right emotion here, but I guess this story helped me appreciate the ways fanfic and a creative outlet can be really healthy for a person, so sure, let's go with that.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

In my head "The Man in the Mask" is my niche, weird Legacy Virus Spideypool AU that nobody asked for. It's one of those stories I wrote "for me" to channel some big feelings about politics, so it wasn't really that important if it hit with readers... and yet it did? Like I'm always surprised when I get a comment on it, but it's actually one of my best reviewed stories (especially for a solo effort).

Favorite work you wrote this year?

"Keep it Simple" was such a fun thing to write, it really let me "play" a lot during the writing process. I had so much fun coming up with wacky stories for Foggy to tell and funnier ways for him to miss Matt's meaning. It's certainly a Doritos kind of story, one that's easy to snack on and come back to when you just want something light and silly before bed, which is honestly my whole vibe. :3

[catchingbigfish]

❄️💧💦

ugh i love thematic emojis lol ty for the ask!!

❄️ Snow - Who is your coldest / most stoic character and how do they express themselves (if at all)?

in Conversion, it's definitely Anais. she tends to have a few small tells; she chews her lip when she's feeling something trending towards negative. Rosalyn starts to pick up on this pattern and notice specific trends in the fabric she weaves, which also signal her emotion. i think that's why she became an artist, to express her emotions, because she's so stoic and rigid it's hard for her to put those feelings into words.

💧Rain - What's the most emotional scene you've ever written?

without a doubt, the ending of So It Goes. i've shared a thousand times that it ends with Isaiah's death and nothing hits me harder; writing it, reading it, revising it, even just thinking about it sometimes makes me cry! it's not an on-screen death, but it's the emotional ramifications for Marisa, and that makes it so much worse.

💦 Flood - How many WIPs do you have?

ohhhhh that's a good question and can be answered so many ways, lol. it would be easy to say i have four, but i just finished writing for the day and i'm getting ready for bed, so i'll indulge in explaining why it's not an easy answer:

i like to group all of the decomposing god stories into one WIP, but there's four different stories in various states of drafting (and more as either ideas or outlines!). i also have at least something written for So It Goes, Conversion, and The Space Between Pomegranate Seeds, so that's another three. i have ideas -- concepts, snippets, characters, etc. -- for two others; one is a creative nonfiction project i haven't talked about here yet, but have written some and made notes about, which is like... i don't even know how to properly describe it, but it's shaping up to be some sort of memoir-ish work where i mostly talk about being mentally ill but also examine that through the lens of various obsessions and interests i have. the other one is the one my fiance called Southern Caustic lol, but i can't decide whether to commit to it, so it mostly lives as a daydream i sometimes return to when i'm stoned, lol.

[areseebee]

3, 10, 12 💕

hi friend!

[in reference to this ask game i posted earlier!]

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

i really love to write pining. that's a major focus of everything i've written over the past year and probably will continue to be. it's what interests me most - the wondering and the anticipation and the dynamics of that between two people. it's an interesting place to explore how characters make assumptions about each other, or how they project onto each other, or how construct a fantasy of someone else in their own heads. there's a lot that can be said about a person by the characteristics that make up their longing/wanting.

10. How do you decide what to write?

as i'm in the middle of a long fic right now and not bouncing between WIPs, i'm going to answer this through the lens of how i decide what happens next in a chapter/story. only part of it is a science - which is having a decent sense of story structure - and the rest is truly just vibes. i typically start out with a general sense of what i want to accomplish in a chapter and where characters need to end up by the end of it and how it fits into the larger story as a whole and then, from there, i decide on what actions need to take place to get them to that point. what i write is very character-driven, and my focus is always to put them in situations that will nurture or strike on the emotional points i want to hit. a lot of times, though, it feels like i'm an archaeologist digging in the ground and seeing what i can uncover in my own brain. it can take time for this to happen, and it can take rewrites (and more rewrites), and re-reads, and a lot of daydreaming, but the exciting part is when it leads me somewhere i hadn't expected to go. it feels less like a "decision" most of the time, and more like the story already exists and i'm trying to piece together the map of how it all fits together.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

this is going to make me sound hypocritical, but i have always really disliked miscommunication as conflict and yet that is the core conflict that i have written into smoke break and someday. and that's been really interesting! and it's helped me developed a more nuanced understanding of miscommunication as conflict in a story - i have really latched on to the idea of the type of communication that's really hard when you feel like you know someone so deeply, that you're convinced of what they must be thinking. it's hard to overcome those ingrained assumptions about a friend or loved one, especially when some of those assumptions are deeply rooted in your own insecurities or fears. so i've approached the miscommunication purposely and i know it can be so frustrating as a reader, but hopefully it works in what i write.

[erintoknow]

what other media, if any (literally anything; interactive fiction, Bioware- or Bethesda-esque RPGs, etc) do you think Ari would be a good fit for?

what other media? hmmm

well i guess in a way i've already decided the answer to this because i picked out ari and a few other character concepts and are reworking them to fit into an original fiction narrative.

it's been incredibly invigorating to get back into a writing project again after spending the last two years tossing around different ideas and concepts - this one seems to be the one that's sticking so far.

oh dear, i've ended up writing quite a bit more then i originally intended for this, but here we go:

i can't really imagine ari as a character being that good a fit for a video game or even like a tv show or something like (despite having spent a non-small amount of time imagining different such scenarios haha) at the same time though, fiction is fiction - what you consider a good fit is going to depend on what specifically you consider essential to the character, so let's see...

fiction, or i suppose potentially interactive fiction as well, is kind of the one medium that allows the closeness to a character's interior narrative that feels core to making ari stand out in my mind.

i don't think she could support being a lead character without that close lens. dropped into a video game or movie or some other medium, i think you'd get wildly different impressions of her depending on if she was part of the central cast and afforded space (at least in a narrative sense) to drop her guard, or if she was limited to specific section or like 'side quest.' It'd be the difference between seeing a stoic 'action hero' esque figure, a fragile emotional mess underneath that, or a character desperate for love yet utterly afraid of it underneath that.

of course, this is true for all characters in fiction isn't it? the amount of space the narrative affords them determines how well they can be examined or well, characterized, within the core text. different character concepts are better suited for different roles, and which roles those may be can also be dependent on the medium at hand

so then, i'd say - if you want to lean into ariadne's interior psyche drama you want the close perspective only really possible in written fiction imo; if you want more emphasis on action, on ari's outside world relationship, a more visual-based medium like a tv show might be suitable.

hmm actually, a graphic novel in particular would be very hit or miss i think, a traditional approach i think would be pretty boring, but if you had someone willing to get really experimental with page layout and visuals to convey experience through nonverbal means... that could be interesting?

jumping back to video games for a second because now i'm in full on 8am ramble mode and i am going to make 0 effort to edit or clean this up – video games are pretty unique in our forms of media in their ability to use audience interaction to further draw them into the fantasy of the story being told - i mean, really this the whole appeal that otherwise extremely weak narrative series like bioware rpgs right? they manage to have such a profound emotional effect on us as player/audience because we allow ourselves to be drawn into the fantasy that we aren't just watching or reading events unfold but are actively participating in them ourselves. there's absolutely ways you could work with that for ariadne's character concept, i think? i still think she'd be better utilized as not a main character in such a conceit, but a character you have to choose to work to get to know, maybe? probably in some way that ideally comes back later in the game to have repercussions either in revealed information or character actions to represent / respect the work that was or wasn't put into befriending the character.

so uh, to summarize, i think you could take this character and jam her into just about anything with a bit of work and she'd still be mostly recognizable - but it's really only with the close pov of written narrative that she stands out (with the visual element of graphic fiction making it a potential runner up here if you got someone willing to go nuts with it)

an interactive fiction story feels a little too close to her origin as a FHR fanfic character for me to feel comfortable going that route - but objectively i suppose that could work pretty well too? it's just not an angle i'm interested in exploring with the character - if i were to write an interactive fiction story, i already know which concept i'd want to roll with for that. the Grey Painter by William Loman (which is a fantastic piece of horror fiction imo and deserves more love) is a great example of the kind of direction i was already thinking of going with: a character with several preset characteristics in a preexisting relationship with another character, navigating a situation --- i'm digressing now though

considering i am a writer and prefer written narrative (books are so good!!! please check out Hell Followed with Us by Andrew Joseph White or The Girls I've Been by Tessa Sharpe), am actively writing one rn, and developed the original version of the character as part of a written narrative fan fiction, i can't say i'm surprised at my own conclusion haha

[writingwithcolor]

I'm a POC who writes mainly white characters but after seeing all the "diversity" posts on this site I'm wondering if I may be subconsciously prejudiced and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I've been doing everything wrong and yet I don't want to change my stories/characters to suit everyone else while not liking them myself.

To Write (or not write) with Diversity

No one can force you to write inclusive stories. Inclusive meaning media that consists of marginalized people, because that is what diversity really is - including people who have always been right there, but have been purposefully left out and erased from the pages of books and scripts. Those who are, when finally represented, are overwhelmingly assigned small, unflattering, and / or stereotypical roles.

Pages like Writing With Color are an offering. Our presence here is for those who choose to write with diversity. We aim to make being inclusive easier because we all believe in the importance of it. But as much as we know how enriching diversity can be, we cannot convince you to do something you don’t necessarily believe in.

Don’t do it because you feel forced

As you mentioned, you’ve read the posts. You know the facts. The decision cannot be forced upon you.  If anything, including diversity out of obligation alone could lead to bad representation. Forcing people to do things without motivation usually means it’ll lack effort, or be done with spite. Trust me when I say marginalized people don’t usually want to see themselves represented by someone who does not want them there. That unwelcome feeling shows. In short: Lack of representation hurts. Bad representation hurts worse.

I only ask that you have accountability.  

Now that you’re aware that your works default to white, you have a choice to make. I think a lot of us grew up reading and writing very white stories - both as PoC and white people - but once you possess the knowledge that things can be different, your next step is a conscious one. You’re not on auto-pilot anymore when you make everyone white (and/or straight, able-bodied, etc). You know better now. Own up to your choices.

So ask yourself: why have I chosen to write without diversity?

I’m afraid to write People of Color. 

Being uncomfortable writing People of Color is a big reason why people stick to writing white people, and only garnish their stories with PoC, if that. White people have long been the default, the everyman. White perspectives are “neutral” to approach. It’s daunting to go from feeling you can portray characters in whatever way you wish to suddenly having the weight of good versus harmful representation on your shoulders.

You don’t want backlash from getting it wrong. You also don’t want to be insensitive to groups. It’s easy to avoid writing them altogether, right? Sure. 

Be aware, though:

You’re making a choice to exclude people out of fear.

Of course, new things are scary. But that’s okay! Courage is the ability to do things that frighten you. Face your fears. Will you shrink away from the challenge, or use it to your advantage?

Let the fear fuel you to do better and to know better. Your concerns about writing PoC can drive you to get the research right in order to best represent people. If your fear is leading to more effort into thoughtful creation, you’re putting it to good use.

Let me tell you right now - you will mess up.

Maybe in small ways, perhaps in a big way. But mistakes will not kick start the apocalypse. Ideally:

Do your research to avoid the most obvious and devastating mistakes from the jump.

Equip yourself with the right beta-reader and sensitivity readers to catch those things. 

Even with errors, your story can be quite enjoyable for people who hardly see themselves represented. Yes, mistakes and all.

As a Black woman bookworm, if you write an exciting story about a Black girl on adventures and falling in love but mention a few questionable things about how she takes care of her hair…I will wince, but it won’t ruin the book for me. I’m willing to overlook some things, for the sake of my enjoyment, and let the author know how I felt about those parts in hopes they can improve.

Say you get something real important wrong. People call you out for it. I suggest you apologize, listen to their critiques, and do better. If possible, pull back the story and re-release when you’ve improved the piece. If that’s not an option, fix it in future works. Getting a finger wagged at you doesn’t mean lock up in fear and never write with diversity again. It means you improve.

Research PoC like you would on any topic:

For comparison’s sake, consider writing People of Color (or any group different from you) like writing other topics you’re unfamiliar with in-depth. 

For example: You may know the basics on Medieval England. The knights, royalty, and so on. But i’m sure there’s a lot of misconceptions mixed in there from television or unreliable sources. 

To write people from this perspective, you would do lots of additional research… right?  

If someone mentioned how you messed up on some of the facts, you would take note and dig into it more for the future…right? 

You might even have more experienced persons check your facts for accuracy beforehand to do the best job possible.

Approach researching PoC in the same way as other topics. There may not be hard facts on how to write an X character, but there are portrayals to avoid with explanations why, and roles people want to see themselves in.

I don’t like to be told what to write.

There’s this misconception that writing with diversity restricts creativity. I get it - there are things you’re being told not to do when writing certain groups. The lists of No’s can get dense. This reflects how poor representation has been for People of Color as there are a number of stereotypical portrayals folks are tired of seeing and has been detrimental to them.

Fiction simply reflects real life: People of Color being viewed through the lens of preconceived notions means being written on with those stereotypes in mind. It is a vicious cycle. Stereotypes are more than an annoyance - they can and do lead to real life consequences.

Being treated like a stereotype lowers our quality of life. Experiencing racism and daily microaggressions has a psychological effect - from insecurity, depression and PTSD - it is serious. (X)

Viewing People of Color by their stereotypes is what makes, say, a Black person who speaks with passion no matter what it’s about (and even if they’ve been wronged) too hostile and “Angry” to take seriously. If anything, they’re now a serious threat. And that’s dangerous for them.

Put yourself in the shoes of the overly typecast.

Think of a time someone misunderstood you. You had a bad day and acted grumpy. Well, being a grump defines who you are now. When asked, people describe you as crabby and humorless. Every new person you meet sees your every action through that lens.

Strangers tiptoe around you, as they can just tell you’re ill-tempered. Peers choose their words carefully, afraid of what might spark your wrath. Your children even inherit the title; teachers discipline them more and take other students’ word over theirs- your kids are snappy, difficult, and known to not play well with others, after all.

Wouldn’t that get old? Wouldn’t you feel it was unfair to be reduced to a label, and that you’re sick of being defined by it? Wouldn’t you have the desire to be seen for who you truly are, and can be? Perhaps you do get grumpy sometimes, which is just being human. You’re so much more than a grouch.

Stereotypes are not creative.

Writing outside of stereotypes open up so many more possibilities. How many times have we seen the Black Best Friend play out in media? You’re not being silenced when readers criticize your sassy sidekick. Your message has been heard, loud and clear - again and again and again. People are upset because it’s not anything new - in fact, it is quite old.  We want multiple portrayals. Why not create something new before you decide to write so closely to how we are always written?

OP said: I don’t want to change my stories/characters to suit everyone else while not liking them myself.

This should not be the case. Avoiding stereotypes has nothing to do with making unlikeable or even perfect characters. Simply make Characters of Color who go beyond stereotypes! Characters who are best friends without being arc-less doormats. Characters who are fierce and emotional and stand for something without being simplified to irrational, hostile, and angry. 

Knowing the difference between stereotype and culture is important, too. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing something wrong when their bias means they perceive your character as being stereotypical, or problematic, when they’re not. (See: Stereotyped vs Nuanced Characters and Audience Perception.)  

If anything, writing beyond hard labels leads to complex characters. Writing about new cultures is interesting and can be exciting. 

If you only like your East Asian characters when they’re geniuses or your Black girls when they’re angry without a cause…do some self-reflection. Why do your Characters of Color only seem “right” to you when they are flat, or confined to stereotypes? Why not allow them to be complex humans?

I’m not convinced that representation matters.

Well, representation does matter. A lot. While it has been written on so much, and there being countless studies, statistics, and personal accounts to support this, I would like to mention…

Representation (or lack thereof) lowers self-worth.

Studies show TV boosts the self-esteem of white boys. The confidence of People of Color and girls of all races, on the other hand, decreases when watching TV (X X). 

“If you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves.” -Junot Diaz

The Racial Empathy Gap.

I want to be brief (too late, right?) so let me just mention another point of research for you: the racial empathy gap. Stereotyped depictions and the limited roles for People of Color are internalized by society, leading to lack of empathy towards People of Color and the enforcement of stereotypes in real time. Lack of empathy actively affects how PoC are treated, such as the belief that Black people experience less pain than others and therefore are misdiagnosed (their illnesses and pain are downplayed) and under treated (X X X). 

Fiction Increases Empathy.

In addition to the racial empathy gap, look into the studies on how fiction improves empathy. For example: reading about vampires increases empathy towards vampires. Imagine what non-stereotyped, marginalized depictions in fiction can do for empathy.  (X, X)

The strength in which people are against representation speaks volumes. 

If representation does not matter, then why are some people so angry when it’s there? Let’s take book to movie depictions: 

A Character of Color depicted as white simply means they were the best actor for the job, according to a vocal presence in social media. 

However, even a verified Character of Color being depicted as such leads to boycotting, accusations of being “Politically-correct”, and wide complaints that they can’t relate to the characters and they are poor actors. Never mind that so many Actors of Color attend prestigious schools only to get so far.

The hypocrisy speaks to a need for more representation, and a prevalent lack of empathy. 

The People Want Diversity!

On a positive note: shows that reflect the real world, aka include diversity, continue to get high ratings despite many obstacles: those who don’t want them there, lack of advertising or inconvenient airtime for shows with diverse leads, the ole bait-and-switch method, and hasty cancellations. Not to mention media simply refusing to be inclusive even when they know “diversity sells” (X X). Gee, I wonder why….

Audiences are more drawn to projects that feature a diverse cast, a new study finds, though mirroring the population in the United States remains a problem.

“Less-diverse product underperforms in the marketplace, and yet it still dominates,” said Ana-Christina Ramón, the report’s co-author and assistant director of the Bunche Center. “This makes no financial sense.” 

-Diversity in Hollywood Pays Off in Ratings and Box Office, New Study Finds

Diversity simply reflects the real world accurately. 

There is nothing forced about diversity. People of Color exist in the real world, go out and about, and have lives. Creators including marginalized people only seems strange because media actively scratches them out as much as possible, pulling the marginalized out of focus to zoom in on white characters. That is what’s unrealistic. 

Ultimately, you, the writer, will write what you want. Just ask yourself why you have decided this is what you want to write. Are you okay with that reason? Despite all the progress that is being made, you’ll blend in just fine with all of the other mostly white books and movies out there. And as people become more conscious and bored with the same stories, we can and will choose to ignore whitewashed media.

The good thing is that there’s so much awareness and activism going on with representation; the path has been paved for you and it is not lonely! 

There are resources out there, and WWC continues to be one of them.

More Reading - Diversity:

Braving Diversity: How to Write Yourself (and others) out of your Story  (An early WWC post quite relevant to you, OP)

Diversity exists in the real world 

The Key to Moving Beyond checklisting is not LESS diversity 

Bad Representation vs Tokenism vs Diversity: just existing without justification like in the real world

How to research your racially/ethnically diverse characters 

–Colette

[kingofthewilderwest]

I know you're not big on HTTYD ships, but what are your opinions on Hiccami and Hiccstrid? P. S. I've yet to read the books and I'm trying to avoid spoilers!

Also perhaps relevant:

Comparing Astrid and Camicazi

Does Hiccup marry Camicazi? (involves commentary of the final books)

Thanks for letting me know you’re my anon friend who’s been watching spoilers for the books! Your P.S. makes it slightly harder to talk about Hiccami at all, to be honest, but I’ll respond without any spoiler references, discussion of the end of the book series, or talk of where Cowell may be headed with a potential new HTTYD series.

I think I’ll plop in this post to give my quick overarching perspective of Hiccstrid. Don’t worry, it’s not just an answer “Do you or don’t you ship Hiccstrid” - I give some explanation of my perspective about the ship as a whole.

As far as Hiccami is concerned, it’s honestly something I’d rather do without. It’s not that it’s a bad ship, but what’s so refreshing about the How to Train Your Dragon books is that they’re written with an emphasis on platonic and familial love. It’s not about the main protagonist male falling in love with the lead female character. The adults - Stoick and Valhallarama, for instance - are written with romantic emotions, but the children in the series interact with one another through friendships. And I absolutely adore the fact that the HTTYD books are about a friendship trio - Hiccup, Fishlegs, Camicazi - and I prefer the trio to be the platonic triangle they are. It’s just so nice to have an adventure without some sort of romantic entanglement between the lead characters.

And that’s really the biggest critical difference between Hiccstrid and Hiccami for me. Hiccstrid is written to be a romance from the start; the filmmakers even talk in the commentary about the “get the girl” trope they realize. But Hiccami is something that is firmly established as a friendship, and which is written through the lens of a friendship, and which consequently I so far much prefer to be a friendship. I will be honest... I would HUGELY prefer if Hiccup and Camicazi never hooked up. Not saying where my suspicions are with Cowell (and I do have my suspicions), but I’d be slightly disappointed if Cowell hooked them up as a couple in any future books she could write. XD As I said in the Hiccami marriage analysis from three years ago:

In a world where girls expect to see the main supporting female hook up with the main protagonist, it’s healthy to see that does not have to be the case. Even in action movies, after all, the action-oriented female character is often very romantically involved in the plot.

A little variety would be nice, and I hope that the author of the HTTYD novels realizes that making Camicazi purely platonic with Hiccup brings out something too frequently forgotten in modern society.

I consequently believe it is critically important that there are more female characters in literature and other media who have zero romantic roles in stories - not because romance is bad - but because female characters are too quickly mentally reduced in readers’ mind as the character central to the romantic part of a plot. The fact she and Hiccup are purely platonic is glorious, fun, and refreshing. A story where none of the main characters enter into a romance *IS* refreshing, after all, and important to readers.

I personally believe we need more stories that purely focus on the meaningfulness of platonic friendships. How platonic relationships are just as important and just as meaningful without ever, ever, ever turning into something romantic later down the road. Thus far, How to Train Your Dragon has done that by keeping Camicazi, Fishlegs, and Hiccup clear from any sort of serious romances. They are shown to be content with the relationships we have. I honestly feel, then, that Camicazi and Hiccup coming together at a later time reduces that message HTTYD thus far has given. Literarily, it is a bad idea to hook them up.

So I’m someone who isn’t invested in Hiccami, but is actually someone who wishes it doesn’t happen - regardless of the direction Cowell would choose to take it. However, I’m also not in some sort of NOTP zone with this, and if Cowell chooses to take that route and hook them up, I’ll give enormous respect to the author’s desires, too. There’s nothing about it I hate. I just have my preferences that these two remain friends. I like their friendship.

Because Hiccstrid was always written to be a canonical romance, I look at it very differently. I am someone who almost always prefers, supports, and gives credit to the canonical ships in a story. Therefore, you’ll notice that I’ll talk about Hiccstrid from the positive analytical lens of someone who’s fully accepted that romantic Hiccstrid is integral to the DreamWorks Dragons universe, and talk about the good elements that their relationship inspires. The casual closeness they have in HTTYD 2 is special and rare, for instance - we’re beyond the butterflies stage and into something cemented, which is so cool to see on screen. 

So essentially, I see Hiccstrid as “They’re supposed to be together in a romance” but Hiccami as “They’re so great together as friends!”

[maychorian]

I'm writing something now, I've wanted to write it for a long time but... it's really hard for me to write it because, it's really depressing? I mean, I like the idea and want to execute it real bad. and I think people will enjoy reading it, but I feel like every line is a struggle because it just makes me so frigging sad. I don't know if I should force myself into it and just get the damn thing done or leave it to another time or just give up altogether. Did that ever happen to you?

Hey, I feel you. So hard. A lot of what I write digs very deep into my soul, my heart. It can be exhausting, even terrifying. It’s okay if you need a break, but if this is something you’ve been looking forward to writing, something you really want to write…I definitely think you should do it. Even if it takes weeks, or months, or years.

I’m just guessing here, but it sounds like maybe this story you’re working on has some sort of personal significance for you. If so I REALLY want to encourage you to keep going. I am a huge, huge believer in the power of fiction, and especially the power of writing fiction, as therapy for trauma. If you ever take counseling or go to therapy, a lot of what you’ll do is tell your story. Over and over again, in all sorts of different ways. Because that’s how we sort things out.

We humans love stories. Our minds work in stories. We believe we live in a story-shaped world, even when we don’t. Dreams and nightmares are just our brains telling itself stories about things that might happen, even awful or absurd things. It’s like practice, working out different scenarios so if/when they happen your body and mind will be even slightly prepared. 

I’ve told my own story in fiction my own way, many, many different times, from many different angles, in many little parts of myself. My first major hurt/comfort story, Candles Against the Sea, was about young Obi-Wan repressing his emotions, and it was written in a time when I myself was working on learning how to feel my emotions after repressing them for many, many years. I wrote a Supernatural fic called Lights of Home that was basically my own childhood through the lens of Dean Winchester. I’ve written about child abuse many times, in many fandoms, not necessarily retelling my story but telling other stories, drawing on my own experiences each time and examining them in a different way.

A lot of fic writers do this. Mainstream writers, too. We tell our stories through our fiction, both because it’s what we know, and because it’s what we need to tell. Boom Crash had Lance catching pneumonia after drowning in a lake because that happened to my little sister when she was six and I was twelve, and that’s just one minor example. More seriously, the chapter in Sell Me Your Nightmares where Shiro talks about his first day in Galra captivity was based on a nightmare I had once which was instigated by the abuse I suffered as a child.

If you have a story to tell, especially your own, you should definitely tell it. As you work it out and organize it in your mind, you will find yourself feeling more settled and more at peace with yourself. Maybe you won’t find resolution yet, not this time, not with this story, but that’s okay. It’s all a process, and it’s worth doing. No matter how long it takes. No matter if no one reads it but you.

Maybe I’m totally off-base and I’m reading into this ask more than you meant, but in any case. My advice stands. Take a break if you need to, but write the story you want to write. Don’t give up on it.