#Emotional safety in online dating

[prefer-unique]

Why I Don't Recommend Online Dating: A Personal Perspective

Online dating has become a cultural phenomenon, with millions of people swiping, matching, and chatting in hopes of finding love. As someone who spent years navigating the world of online dating, I can tell you firsthand that it’s not all roses and rainbows. While some people do find success, my personal experience—and the experiences of many others—paints a less glamorous picture. If you’re…

[m4jesty-love]

Why I Don't Recommend Online Dating: A Personal Perspective

Online dating has become a cultural phenomenon, with millions of people swiping, matching, and chatting in hopes of finding love. As someone who spent years navigating the world of online dating, I can tell you firsthand that it’s not all roses and rainbows. While some people do find success, my personal experience—and the experiences of many others—paints a less glamorous picture. If you’re…

[catboybiologist]

Wanted to ask about this for a while but you had asks off, you mentioned having experienced hetero(ish) relationships from "both sides", so like, do you have any interesting observations or perspectives you think most people don't know about?

Ah yes, the bisexual transgender eye. There's lots to say here, and I don't think much of it hasn't been said before. I don't think my observations are limited to what I'm rambling about here, but here's some surface level ones.

Btw, this is probably going to be my post with the most weirdly gendered thing of anything I've posted here. I hope its abundantly clear that I don't think any of this intrinsic or morally good, its just my observation on how heterosexuals act towards each other while dating. This isn't about the boxes men and women should be in, its about the boxes that society has put them in.

I think that dating apps are intensifying stereotypical "masculine" and "feminine" dating roles in heterosexual relationships. Eg, encouraging men to "take the intitiative", oftentimes enabling harassing behavior in the process. This, in turn, forces women to screen and shut down men extremely harshly. Except, because of the entire dynamic that's being set up now, this makes a lot of men think women are "playing the game", and again, enables harassment from them.

I recently deleted all my dating apps, but even before then, I had them set to women and enbies/other only for a long time. Her was my primary app, but it has a very small userbase where I live.

Irl, men absolutely take the initiative more than women, but less aggressively than online. There's a huge added element of fear because of the in person aspect, however, and when meeting up, men can be extremely pushy.

The "toxic girlboss" angle of this is that this is often fun to play with. If you're clearly communicating in a serious context, and have established systems of consent that extend to communication as well as the bedroom, playing with "the chase" is... intoxicating. Having a man wrapped around your finger is really fucking fun. It has to feel safe and fun for both parties involved, though. You need to be able to "break character" at any point and have direct conversations, either about boundaries or directly communicating a want or need.

Obviously I haven't publicly been a woman for very long, so my experience isn't vast and limitless or anything. But I've had a few wonderful romantic entanglements with men already. Luckily for me, one of these is ongoing 😘

As for some of the people I've talked to, but never gotten far with.... cishet men are really stupid. I'm sorry but like. Y'all are. There's a lot to be said about how society normalizes male incompetence in heterosexual relationships (eg, the dopey husband stereotype) but I think this also extends to the early stages of a relationship. Men very frequently bitch and moan about "games" while not realizing that they play just as many "games" themselves. Oftentimes, those games involve being overly pushy with everything, and then not communicating their own limits and what they want out of a situation, expecting women to figure it all out for them. Eg, they want to bring forward unlimited energy and pushiness, but expect women to be the ones that whittle them down to what they actually want. This applies both romantically and sexually. Men have a lot of emotional needs, of course, and yes its a problem that they're often not met. But a huge part of that is society discouraging them from openly communicating what they want.

I guess to summarize all of this, I feel like so much of modern dating is essentially a process of elimination, where men are constantly encouraged to push and say yes, and women are constantly encouraged to shut them down for their own safety, and if they're lucky, they eventually reach a healthy dynamic by sheer process of elimination. Which... really isn't fun, and leaves a lot of room open for frustration.

Queer relationships and flirting provide a lot of open communication that hetero dynamics don't. I've had the most luck in "heterosexual" dynamics with queer or queer adjacent people, and literally everyone I've ever gotten past the initial stages of "talking" with has been at least a little bi, by their own admission. It's not that straight men aren't interested in me, or that straight women weren't interested in me before, its just that these are the people who will understand my existence as a queer woman the best and communicate with me the most openly.

I probably could say more, but that's a summary, I guess. I know its weird and stereotypical, but unfortunately, heterosexual dating is pretty much the most gendered possible environment you could be in. I feel like Jane Goodall in there sometimes, but hey. Ya gotta do what you gotta do.

[bonny-kookoo]

Racer!jk might be my favorite one right now!!! Omg can we please have a drabble on that race where jk crashed?

...but also,,, pretty please can we have a drabble before jk was successful? Shes been with him thru thick and thin, i feel like it would be a great read to see how they were when jk got his first ever major win

I'm doing the second one, before his career really took off.

-> main work

"It looks so cute!" You say, looking at the front of the car. "Like it's smiling!" You beam, and Jungkook laughs, walking up to you to look at the front as well. People are watching you- its the first time jungkook has taken you with him to a race after all.

"Huh. I guess?" He wonders, tilting his head a bit. "If you take the headlights as eyes and then the bumper as a mouth.. it does kind of look like it." He admits, and you laugh. You've not been dating too long- but he already knows that your laugh is the cutest he'll ever come across in his life.

"See?" You tell him, before you take a peek at the inside. "It's so small in there though.. and What're those tubes for?" You ask.

"Its called a cage. Basically, if the car flips, the cage stays intact and as result, I do too." He jokes- but he notices you tensing up a little. "It's for safety." He says, and you nod a bit more quietly now.

"And.. all the wires there? Are they gonna cover those?" You ask, and he shakes his head.

"Nah, they stay like that. The car doesn't have to look pretty, just gotta accommodate me and keep me alive and well." He tells you- but it's clear that he's not very tactful in thinking about your emotions. He's not used to having a girl around in this setting- and it shows. "Hey- I'll be fine."

"But this is fucking dangerous, right?" You worry. "I looked up stuff online." You say, crossing your arms. "I'm not stupid." You threaten, and he moves to gently hold your cheeks.

"Baby of course you're not, never said you are." He reassures you. "But it's not my first time, I'll be fine!" He urges, and you can't help but let his big Boba ball eyes get to you. They're sparkling with the heat of his own pride right now, and he deserves to feel like that.

"..okay. sorry." You're not sure what you're apologizing for, but you still do- and he laughs, pecking your lips. Twice, because once is never enough. He doesn't care about his friends whistling in the back.

They're just trying to tease him.

"Dont worry so much. I've got experience, and my driving skills aren't half bad either!" He beams at you, and you smile. "And I've got my good-luck charm here too, so there's no way I'll lose this one." He purrs, pushing you back a little against the side of his car before he kisses you deeper than before, uncaring about looks.

"You sure I'm not distracting?" You ask, watching how he licks the piercing on his lip. "Kook you're literally staring at my tits right now, you're proving my point!" You laugh, and he grins as well.

"Nah." He shakes his head, shamelessly grabbing your ass as he walks you back behind the safety barriers. "I'd call it motivation." He responds.

"Motivation huh?" You tease, and he nods.

"To get back quick, and fetch my prize." He explains to you. "Take you out to a fancy dinner with that money I'll make."

"Maybe I'll let you have dessert in the car." You tease, and he grins.

"Deal." He grins at you, before he leaves to get ready for the dirt track race, leaving you behind with your suppressed worries.

He'll be fine.

Or at least you hope he will be.

▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[generalfandomsofthefreak]

AND FULL REF OF MY BOY NANASE, and an Okarun for scale

Edit: Realized that i did in fact, say a lot of things about Nanase and it became a long post, so all the info's under a Keep Reading now

Nanase transfers to Ken's class at the start of the 2nd year, and Ken promptly cuts off their online relationship once he sees Nanase is a guy (Nanase had tried to tell him, but wasn't direct enough and Ken thought he was asking about a recent hoax of someone's gender changing)

he stays friendly with Ken, but Ken is still emotionally stunted and keeps him at a distance, and Nanase is also an emotionally stunted teen (developing some real clinical depression from a sudden unwanted sex change), and doesn't try to engage much

And for sure nothing comes out of them both being socially awkward teens who are unable to properly convey emotions and feelings to each. What do you meeeeean? It's not like Nanase's closest friend for 3 years suddenly cutting off contact over something he literally couldn't control, and then going on to develop a much closer relationship with someone else in the span of mere days, right in front of Nanase, is gonna be any sort of trouble, come oooooooon

Nanase's depression also comes from being barred from participating in Gymnastics tournaments and being dropped from where he went to train, again to his gender change because he was of course training and participating as a girl, and because the general public doesn't think Aliens exist and doesn't believe his gender would just change, the public thought he was a guy trying to creep on girls, or trying to beat them with an unfair advantage

smaller points of info

- before Nanase changed gender, he was often away from school for tournaments, and so didn't have much time to engage with his former classmates, but he was popular enough still, though it can be argued whether that was for his actual self, or the fact his mom had money.

- He met Ken online when they were young, like 13-14 (Nanase is a year older), and began talking online a lot, and then didn't practice Internet safety and exchanged phone numbers. And then when dating, selfies, though they never met up in person

- because Ken was a friend he met online, they both never expected to meet in person, and so would just text, which made Ken a great for Nanase whenever he was travelling out of town, since they could still chat.

- Nanase changed schools to avoid bullying from the gender change

- Nanase's dad is an alien, and Nanase despises him for leaving his mom when he was young, without any notice or anything, and once the Sex change happens, even more so for not staying to help him through it

- Gender isn't the only weird thing about Nanase, he is able to suck in air and release it from multiple point in his body, though most powerfully from his mouth via his tongue

- His alien heritage also gave him real strong lungs. When he fires off the compressed from his mouth, water condenses in his lungs and if he does it too much he can risk drowning, though he usually ends up coughing it all out (this is not pleasant and he quite hates it, but sometimes it can't be helped)

- Nanase doesn't identify as trans because he didn't "transtition" normally. He had gender dysphoria until he realized he could still just wear dresses (he may have been an egg the world may never know)

[astrobiscuits]

In solar return this year, moon in 7th house and pluto in 4th house, mercury venus mars in 3rd house and saturn in 5th house, jupiter in 7th. How might 2024 be for me?

Hii, hope you're doing safe and well💕���

(I apologize in advance if i sound confusing at times, idk what's got into me today😭)

🌙 Moon in 7th house - this year, you'll be emotionally dependent on someone special (it doesn't have to be a romantic partner, it can be a best friend or a business partner). You'll feel the need to nurture the person you deeply care about, acting like a mother at times.

If you are single, expect to get into a fulfilling, committed partnership this year. Your future partner might portray the traits of the zodiac sign where your SR Moon is located in (for ex. If you've got an Aquarius Moon in 7th house in your current SR, you might end up in a unconventional relationship with a highly intelligent, eccentric and emotionally aloof partner BUT you might also act more distant with your partner). Often times, the Moon represents a reflection of our own deepest desires, insecurities and emotions - hence the mirroring effect with your partner.

If you are already in a relationship, this is the year for setting roots with your partner. You might discuss having a family, getting engaged or getting married.

🏡 Pluto in 4th house - there's a powerful change coming in your home life. Often times, Pluto in 4th house in SR can talk about death in the family, but unless you've got placements in your 8th house in SR (which you don't seem to), i wouldn't worry about this possibility.

If you're still living with your parents, expect to move out this year. Considering you've also got Moon and Jupiter in 7th house, there's a high possibility you might move in with a partner this year.

If you're more of a shy, introverted person, this year you might get out of your shell. Since your safety and comfort will be shaken up, you might realise that you need to man/woman up. Change isn't scary - stagnation is. Life moves forward and so do you.

📚 Mercury in 3rd house - this year, you'll feel more open to exchange ideas with various people, learn new stuff and travel short distances. If you've been wanting to study a new language, this is a great placement to have! You'll assimilate new words so fast.

If you've got any siblings, expect to have better communication with them. You might make a lot of new acquaintances this year, whether in a school setting, in your immediate surroundings (your neighbourhood for example) or online.

🏫 Venus in 3rd house - this year, you'll fall in love with studying! If you're still in school, you might become top of your class and/or one of the most popular girls. People might perceive you as the "ideal girl" when it comes to academic pursuits.

If you're single and ready to mingle, you might meet your next romantic encounter in the classroom, among acquaintances and friends (or friends of friends), in the library, in your neighbourhood or during a school competition.

You will be attracted to witty individuals/class clowns, nerds and those who make you feel young. You might also have a hard time deciding between two people (or even multiple people lol).

This year, you might also get some new intellectual hobbies (solving crosswords, sudoku, rubik cube) or you might get into riding a bike/monocycle, rollerskating, skateboarding or juggling.

��� Mars in 3rd house - with this placement, there's a high possibility that this year you'll feel more energized and active when it comes to your study goals! You might have the drive to study everyday, even if it's not for a long time.

When communicating with others, you might be more blund in your approach this year. You won't hold back when angry and you might get into frequent debates and fights (but only verbally).

🤎 Saturn in 5th house - this year, you'll likely choose to date to find a long-term partner. You'll likely be extra picky when choosing a future partner, but you won't be afraid of the obstacles and difficulties that might arise in the dating phase (for ex. your parents or their parents might not approve of you two dating, lack of time for seeing each other etc.). You might not feel like you can be fully yourself while dating and will probably feel much more comfortable being your authentic self once in a relationship.

If you are already in a relationship, this placement might bring difficulties in conceiving (if you and your partner have decided to have a baby).

💎 Jupiter in 7th house - this year, you might meet your future spouse!(but it's important to take into consideration Juno's position in your SR too). Your partner will likely bring you a lot of joy in your life. They might be a foreigner, come from a different culture or be well-travelled. They're likely well educated and a great storyteller. They might not have a lot of patience, but they're a lot of fun! Always on the go, wanting to experience life with you.

If Saturn and Jupiter are sextiling each other, you might end up marrying your (next) partner this year! (if you want to, of course)

[starland4678]

This whole post is a long vent bc I’m frustrated, just an FYI:

Haven’t been feeling the best and a random thought showed up in my head of someone who hurt me so I’ve been ranting in my notes for over an hour.

I don’t really like to vent online, specifically cause I cringe when reading my own thoughts once they are published online, but I really want to at least say this here, even if no one ever reads it :D

An ex of mine really hurt me over a year ago and I haven’t really ever felt ok since, always missing the feeling of being loved and knowing that they kept me waiting for them. They broke up with me and said we could date again in a year once their parents allowed it, then they started dating other people and lying to me and making me feel like they still loved me and were planning to date me again.

So yea I am very pissed off at remembering this stuff. Mainly cause it still affects me a lot subconsciously

Anyways, Small paragraph from my long rant on notes I found important:

“Maybe the reason I like monsters and villains is just because I understand them so much, and their pain. I just want to comfort them and make them feel like they are loved, because everything in their life has brought them so much emptiness. Because I wish I was comforted the same way sometimes, wishing I had someplace, someone who made me feel safe, to feel like just for a moment nothing could hurt me. I want them to have a touch they don’t fear, a touch that they know means safety. I want them to never second guess or put themselves down because other people didn’t treat them right, because they will know that someone still loves them.”

Also it is 12:35am rn so maybe that’s why my emotions are being weird, either way I’m going to sleep and reviewing this in the morning once my brain is functioning at full energy. I had so much trouble re reading my own writing so I apologize if you struggled to read this as much as I did LOL

💥

[crocheting-cupio]

Queer Resources!

This is by no means a complete list and it's something I will keep adding to and improving. If you have any helpful links not listed here, please send them my way!

Please reblog this post, as you never know who may desperately need one of these resources. Feel free to share individual links with friends/family as well. Knowledge is power, after all!

General:

Online safety guide for queer people This guide is extremely thorough, having sections for being online while queer in general, dating online, navigating the workplace, advice for queer people under 18, and more. If you grew up online and think you don't need to read any of this, I am begging you to read it. There's always something you don't know, something you won't think to do in a stressful situation. Please, please read through it all. Safety first!

Coming out handbook by The Trevor Project (PDF) A downloadable PDF walking you through the coming out process. It's a bit long, but well worth reading even if you have come out already to friends and/or family. It is very supportive of you, the reader, so it is wonderful if you feel unsure or nervous about your identity.

Quick guide for coming out (nonbinary focused) This is a briefer guide for if you or someone else just needs an overview of the process. It doesn't focus as much on the emotional support part and more on the logistics of coming out. So this one is good if you're very confident in your identity and just need to come out.

Pronouns and names:

Pronoun Dressing Room This site lets you try different pronouns AND names for yourself. You can fill the text fields with literally anything you want. It also has lots of neopronoun presets, organized alphabetically and by theme. To "try on" pronouns and names it uses a simple example paragraph where someone talks to their friend about meeting you. But there is also sections of public domain books where your name and pronouns replace the main characters'.

Pronouns Page This site allows you to make a "card" that lists all your names, flags/identities, pronouns, and terms you want used for you, as well as your preferences for/feelings about of them. It is highly customizable, you can add neopronouns, nounself pronouns, and emoji pronouns. You can even make separate cards for other languages. These cards can be easily shared with others and linked in profiles. It is also a huge resource for terminology, definitions and descriptions of identities, and how pronouns have been and are used in culture and fiction. There's also a full calendar of awareness days/week, appreciation days/weeks, and days of remembrance.

List of nonbinary names These are organized into separate pages by first letter. It includes non-English names, gives origin and meaning for each name, and, perhaps most helpfully, includes how often that name is used as a feminine or masculine name. Even if you are not nonbinary, this can still be helpful in choosing a new name. Personally I found this page infinitely more helpful than going to baby name lists, which are often split by gender and don't have as much for gender neutral names.

Gender:

The Nonbinary Wiki home page This wiki is an invaluable resource, I'm not exaggerating. It has almost everything you would want to know about gender, sexuality, and romantic attraction. It has who made the flags, their meanings, when terms were coined, archived posts, the history of identities, sub identities and micro labels... everything. I will note that understandably, the info for binary gender experiences on this wiki is limited.

List of (common) nonbinary identities This list gives descriptions, history, and more for every common gender identity that isn't strictly the binary female/woman or male/man. Almost every one of these identities has its own dedicated page which goes into further detail. And this list includes nonbinary identities that have existed in non-European and non-American cultures for centuries, or even thousands of years.

List of uncommon nonbinary identities This is a huge and detailed compilation of identities that have as little as one person known to use that label. It also has links to the original or archived posts where the term was coined, if available. This page can be used as something to help you figure out what you like and what you don't like in terms of gender identity. And you never know, the perfect label for you could be in here.

Legal recognition of transgender and nonbinary people by country This page details how inclusive, or exclusive, countries are to trans and nonbinary people. Such as if they allow "X" for gender/sex on ID and passports, what is required to have it changed, and how easy or difficult it is to change your legal name. Canada, the UK, and the USA have dedicated pages for this that go into further detail and provide more resources.

Romance and sexuality:

List of romantic and sexual orientations (nonbinary focused) This list does include common ones like lesbian, but also includes rare identities such as Aquian, being attracted only to people who's gender changes. As I said this is focused on orientations that do not assume you are a binary gender, the people you are attracted to are a binary gender, or that your gender is connected to your sexuality.

AUREA (The Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Advocacy, and Education) AUREA is not very large right now, but what it lacks in quantity it makes up for in quality. It has a large glossary of romantic, aromantic, queerplatonic, and other related terms. Which includes rare terms and identities under the aromantic umbrella. They have downloadable PDFs with basic info on aromanticism, as well as links to research that has been done on aromanticism.

Guide to Aromanticism This contains basic info about aromanticism, and "Am I Aro?" questioning section, and links to aro creators. Reading through the whole thing shouldn't take more than half an hour.

Allosexual Aromantic resources This site links to a wide variety of resources by, for, and information on allo-aros. There's terminology guides, how to write allo-aro characters, how to be a good ally towards allo-aros, essays, and fiction featuring allo-aro characters.

AVEN (The Asexual Visibility and Education Network) This is a wonderful resource for information on asexuality. It has a thorough FAQ section for both people questioning and friends/family who have questions and concerns about asexualism.

Asexual Perspectives This is a community blog where people can write about their experiences as asexuals. These posts are incredibly validating and eye-opening and I strongly recommend you read them.

The Gray Area This is a quick FAQ about greysexualism and demisexualism that is for questioning, allies, and people unfamiliar with greysexualism.

AVEN Forms AVEN hosts a form where asexuals, and people who once identified as asexual, can talk about their experiences.

An Asexual's Guide To... This is a brief sex ed taught from an asexual perspective. Which is to say it does not automatically assume you are interested in sexual activities and have some experience feeling sexual attraction. Even if you aren't asexual, it can be quite helpful in understanding the experience. It does not teach you much about the actual having sex part, though. It focuses more on being comfortable with yourself and your body. It is also inclusive to intersex people. (This guide has no pictures, if you were worried about that.)

Setting sexual boundaries with a partner list This is not queer specific but still helpful as it does not assume the sexual relationship is between the two binary sexes/genders and still works if you are intersex. To cut down the paragraphs at the beginning, this is a list of sexual and romantic actions and behaviours. You are supposed to assign a yes, maybe, no, or not applicable to everything on this list to indicate if you are willing, unsure, or will not do those things. It is suggested you go through it with your partner, but you can fill it out alone to figure out your preferences. This list/guide can be useful if you have sexual trauma and/or have had an abusive partner in the past and need to communicate what may trigger you.

[rockybloo]

Silly ask, but between your main ocs, has some of them ever struggled with loneliness?

Loneliness is one of my top favorite bits of angst to write honestly so all of them have struggled with it.

Every member of the Fabled Five have dealt with loneliness.

Jack truly doesn't have any friends prior to the comic aside from Malt because he never really got along well with other kids his age. Throwing in the fact his eyes went green when he got too emotional and he's do irrational things occasionally and you have plenty of parents who didn't care too much about having their children around him. He spent a good chunk of his childhood just on the farm being homeschooled or wandering around the forest exploring.

Pinokuni is an automaton, and one made under special circumstances so he felt outcasted by both actual automatons and humans because of his origins. His family was the only one to really be there for him, especially after he started to hang out with Romeo and his group of troublemakers where he learned the hard way some humans will really never truly see him as a being with emotions. Plus, Pin spent a good while in the stomach of a sea monster before getting fished out by the giant and being rescued by Jack so he had rather long stretch of solitude.

Nana didn't grow up with any friends. The closest she had was her father and when he passed, she was devastated. Her mother was rather sheltering...a bit too much so she never really left the Lupine Forest save for going to Briar Patch. And even then, she is very introverted and isn't the type to really start conversations with people she doesn't know if it isn't important. Toss in the fact she has a resting face that looks like she doesn't want to be bothered and many people tend to hesitate on approaching her. The people in Briar Patch are very nice but it really takes Jack's oblivious ass to help build a bridge between the two.

Kai was a very sheltered prince back in his home kingdom. When he got cursed and winded up having to flee for his life due to a misunderstanding, he winded up going from a castle full of friendly faces to a world that often screamed at the first sight of him. Up until he encounters the Fable Five, he spent a good chunk of time by himself just trying to make it by via foraging and finding safe yet isolated places to use as shelter for the nights.

Ashe grew up practically outcasted by by her step family because she was Bookmarked and awakened her Märchen at an early age. She was limited to the house and her room was the literal attic. She didn't have ANY friends growing up because her stepsisters would spread around lies and rumors about her that'd scare people away.

Nova, after the situation with her ex where she found out he was using her to cheat on his girlfriend he had been dating WAY longer than her, was outcasted by the online world due to a slander campaign run by him to paint her like the homewrecker. Due to him and his girlfriend being big internet influencers and having large follower counts, many believed them over Nova who was just starting with her singing career. The only friends she managed to keep were the ones she had prior to meeting her ex but even then, they couldn't save her from the isolation of knowing damn near everyone had a screwed up false image of you.

It's the reason she's so quick to snap now because prior to the incident, she was literally a sweetheart and "cinnamon roll" as the kids say.

Pluto didn't even have the benefit of having friends as as kid as they grew up sheltered by their parents. And not in the good way where they worried about their safety but in the "We want to make sure you only hang around the people we want you to" and often that meant they were limited to only interacting with business partners to try and strengthen relationships for their parents. After the alien goop experiment which lead to them becoming their cyborg self we know now, those interactions stopped...as well as any actually. They went from being the neglected child to a research subject in a containment room.

Toss in the fact their parents had a new child over to replace them and Pluto was not in the best space mentally as a teen. Especially one who literally had their body torn apart and put back together for an experiment just to get their parents to love them and see them less as a hassle.

Bitterbat's time as a baby was tragic to be real with ya'. His dad didn't want anything to do with raising him until he could walk and talk so he spent much of his time crying in his crib without anyone to come in comfort him. And if someone did come, it was often a servant that snuck into his chamber because his cries were so pitiful and saddening that they felt the need to do something. It was important that these servants snuck in because if Lord Vile discovered they were "babying" his living weapon, he would make quick work of them. The man had a very strict "You will interact with this thing only when I tell you to" policy.

Bitterbat was fed and bathed to keep him alive and healthy but even as a grown man he still has nightmares about his time as a baby and toddler due to just how isolating it was.

Sweetheart was also deemed a bit weird as a kid. Not too weird it was concerning but she did struggle a bit with maintain friendships at an early age. It took her becoming Charmed, leading to the eventual creation of the Beloveds who each have their own struggles in social situations leading to them being known as the weird kids, that led to her having an eventual lifetime friendship. After Angel's death and the team breaking up, Sweetheart threw herself into a solo hero career. And going from having a big squad to being just yourself is a big jump. Especially when you winded up separating from someone from an entirely different dimension who you thought was the one for you with a single digit percent of a chance to ever meet them again.

Sweetheart's has stated that her solo years prior to Bitterbat's returned have been the worst years of her life.

[sugarrookiedesign]

A Date So Bad, I Made A Tumblr Post About It

I'm sorta just listing events from the date off but its not entirely in order, and I most certainly forgot a few details bc it was all so stressful and chaotic

Mostly posting this for myself and my friends to gawk at (hi! 💓)

We met on the hellsite grindr. They're conventionally attractive, a bit odd and confusing through text, but were nice and seemed chill overall. We exchanged socials prior to meeting up and they had no local friends or much online community at all despite living in the area their whole life but I chalked it up to being newly trans.

These were the red flags I shouldn't have ignored, if you're keeping track lmao

I agreed to come to their place and my boyfriend dropped me off

First off I aint judging, but their house was completely empty besides their room even tho they claimed to have roommates and werent moving/recently moved?? unrelated but justa odd vibe and potential red flag lol

They were so erratic from the moment I met them they just kept talking n talking, and were clearly not all there bc I couldn't understand alot of what they were sayin. It made conversation so hard.

We sat on the floor of their bedroom and smoked wii'd

They got very emotional about everything and would like jump up and like grab n shake me by the shoulders to emphasize the shit they were babbling 😭

Throughout the date they gave lil signs that they were a volatile person like they explained how they have had frequent fall outs w friends and family, their exs have called the cops on them on numerous occasions(explained in bits n pieces throughout the date during their semi-coherent rambles), and they had spicy reactions to me, just like, saying anything.

Thoughout the date they said the R word 3 times even after i told them it upset me, both to be funny and because they were mad at someone in their head, they made fun of muslims(amongst many others), told me "i dont go too far left, my political opinions will get me in trouble" and didnt elaborate when I tried gently asking about it.

They asked if I wanted to have sex like 4 times like out of nowhere in different ways and I had to say "Ive told you no 4 times, absolutely not, please stop" and kept pushing questions about my kinks. They also really hammered on how confusing polyamory was and made it clear that they thought it was dumb and funny that I have an asexual partnership w my fiance even though I explained it all to them prior ro meeting. :')

Like 6 times throughout our 4 hour date they made themselves so mad from talking(basically to themselves) about their traumas that they were like yelling at themselves while staring at the ground??

Surprisingly the thing that made me text my boyfriend to pick me up ASAP was they asked me to buy them food like over and over and made me explain why I didn't want to do that it was so creepy and weird and upsetting, ik it sounds dumb but just the way they were saying shit n pushing it really triggered my anxiety 😭

(obviously manipulative voice that i notice immediately): "aw you know I could really go for some icecream but ive been broke recently and i have no food in my fridge"

me, knowing whats coming, already so sick of them: "Ah I feel you I love icecream, and I've been nearly broke recently too"

"..please buy me icecream?"

"uh no im sorry not today"

"please?"

"uuuuh, what? I dont really feel like it i already bought us snacks and i dont have alot of money"

"you said *nearly broke*. Can you please?"

"no"

"why not you have money"

and just kept going and was like asking how much I had in my bank account 😭

i try to ignore my phone when im w people to be respectful so the first time i texted my bf was to get rescued right after they begged me for food money and they just stared at me silently for like 15 seconds while I was texting before angrily saying "Oh so do you talk shit to your boyfriend when your grindr dates aren't going well? Is that it?"

for my safety I had to pretend like I was willing to go on a second date but I blocked her everywhere except grindr before I was even out of her driveway 😭😭

its hard to fully explain how fucking weird and bad this date was

One last small thing lmaooo when she put a youtube video on for us to watch she just straight up unblinkingly stared directly at my face to gauge my reactions to it FOR THE ENTIRE VIDEO I STG IF THAT ISNT SERIAL KILLER VIBES DUDE

Im tired, I just wanted headpats but I put myself in danger instead uuuugghhh

Part of it was absurd and almost-funny, I couldn't believe what was happening at times, but it was also mostly just super stressful. Lots of thoughts n anxiety swirling through my silly kitty brain 😖

Im not judging them for being clearly mentally unwell and I really hope they heal and get help for the stuff they're going through.. but also they were an objectively bad person who I need as far away from me as possible!

[prefer-unique]

Modern Dating Struggles: How to Find Genuine Connection in a Digital World

Dating in the modern world can feel like navigating a maze. With endless swiping, ghosting, and the pressure to present a perfect online persona, it’s no wonder so many people feel overwhelmed and disconnected. While technology has made it easier to meet new people, it’s also created new challenges when it comes to building authentic relationships. In this post, we’ll explore the struggles of…

[m4jesty-love]

Modern Dating Struggles: How to Find Genuine Connection in a Digital World

Dating in the modern world can feel like navigating a maze. With endless swiping, ghosting, and the pressure to present a perfect online persona, it’s no wonder so many people feel overwhelmed and disconnected. While technology has made it easier to meet new people, it’s also created new challenges when it comes to building authentic relationships. In this post, we’ll explore the struggles of…

[baileys-3]

The Secret Dating Era - Chapter 38 now online on AO3

Sneak Peak:

She wakes up to the sound of an alarm but quickly realizes it's not hers; the tone is different. It takes her brain a moment to link the sound to the surroundings, leading her to the logical conclusion that it's Tim's alarm clock.

As she gradually regains consciousness, the first thing she notices is that her position is different, she is certainly not lying on a pillow, as it would be softer. The alarm clock continues in its merry ringing, and her "pillow" shifts slightly. Opening her eyes, she recalls fragments of the previous night— the nightmare, Tim comforting her, and falling asleep with her body nestled between his legs with her head on his lower belly. As she turns, a mix of shame and embarrassment washes over her about their sleeping arrangement.

Tim is sitting more than lying down. He rests against the back of his bed on a makeshift tower constructed by using his comforter, which appears to have served as a support during his sleep. His pillow is wedged between his head and the backrest. Oh God. He didn't seriously sleep like that all night just so she could sleep, did he? Oh God. Is it even possible to sleep like this? His whole body must be in pain. This man! Her heart is doing this funny thing, fluttering in her chest.

In spite of his more than uncomfortable position, he offers her a smile. He looks exhausted as if he has spent more time awake than asleep. It's clearly her fault. Just as she's about to apologize or promise him the largest coffee in the world or something similar, he beats her to it. It seems he knows exactly what she's thinking.

"It’s okay, Lucy. I've slept in worse conditions. After doing two tours overseas, you learn to sleep anywhere."

She swallows hard. "I'm so sorry Tim. I should have stayed home."

His hand begins to stroke her back. "No, Lucy. You shouldn't have."

"But you..."

He raises his finger admonishingly. "No buts."

"But..."

"Luuucy." He grumbles as a clear warning. Suddenly, he pulls her up, positions her on his lap, and wraps his arms around her. Her head rests on his shoulder, and she inhales his scent, the unmistakable fragrance of Tim Bradford.

"Lucy. Listen to me; I don't want to hear any 'buts' or apologies. You will not apologize for having nightmares. Ever." Then, as an afterthought, he adds, "That's an order."

She snuggles against him, her lips tracing the underside of his jaw. His arms draw her closer - if that's even possible - and she feels an overwhelming sense of safety. She feels protected and at home in those arms. She can't help but think about how much she loves him, how he is everything she desires; he is perfect, a wonderful person with a big heart. The intensity of these emotions becomes almost overwhelming, the feelings too strong. She feels powerless and helpless. Caleb has made her so vulnerable. Yet, he has also made her strong, a survivor. Occasionally, she still feels vulnerable, like now, after one of those nights haunted by dreams of Caleb. But she has Tim now. She has Tim, and she knows he has her. And that's all she needs to know.

"An order, huh?" She smirks against his shoulder and then looks up at him. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

He curls his lips into a grin, and in an instant, everything feels lighter. Only then does she realize that the alarm is still ringing. She disentangles herself from him, crawls across the bed to the other side, then stretches out and turns it off. Much better.

Suddenly, she feels the mattress dip under his weight as Tim settles down next to her. He draws her close once more and shuts his eyes.

"I wouldn't mind another five minutes' of sleep, though."

She has to smile. "Yes, five minutes sounds good." He is gone in a few seconds. Or so she thinks. Judging by his steady breathing. She waits a little longer and looks at his injuries. The swelling is now a colorful play of reds and blues. God, she still feels sick to her stomach when she thinks about the moment the shovel hit him. It was just awful. The sound. The way he fell. The blood. The sight was horrible. She's just glad that nothing more happened to him and that he's okay, well, all things considered. He's likely still in pain.

[reginrokkr]

✧ @guhamun asked: 🚢 I gently place this here for anyone on the multi

Dáinsleif and Neuvillette.

Do I ship our characters together?: yes | no | not yet but maybe soon

Would I like to ship with you?: yes | maybe, i'm willing to try | no

Type of relationship I could see: childhood or high school sweethearts | exes | engaged | married | long-term relationship | crushes | unrequited love | fling | long distance | online relationship | just dating | new relationship | toxic lovers | friends with benefits | insert here it's complicated™

Tropes I'd enjoy writing for them: friends to lovers | enemies to lovers | exes to lovers | fake relationship / dating | forbidden love | grumpy and sunshine | star-crossed lovers | surprise pregnancy | second chance | soulmates | amnesia / mistaken identity | forced proximity | secret relationship | slow burn relationship

Would I rather plot first or jump right in and see where it goes?: develop their relationship first | jump right in | something in between ( what specifically? )

What now?: let's plot something | send me shippy memes | I'll send you shippy memes | write me a random starter | I'll write you a random starter

Anything else I want you to know about me / my character / my shipping habits: ( put whatever you want here )

I think I mentioned this when we discussed briefly some things about Dain and Neuvillette, but I genuinely think that he's one of the very few characters with who Dain can feel more connected from all. Starting from being knowledgeable of the bigger picture of things, to the fact that they have such similar views. It was shocking to me at first to see Dain so accepting of Neuvillette being who he is and having 0 issues with him being in such a high position of power (regrettably less than what he should, although arguably similar enough as it should be post-Fontaine arc).

One of the points that make me more emotional about the two of them and that they mirror one another (each with their differing circumstances) is their struggle to find a purpose in this world, a reason to exist as the prelude to a journey to find it and act on it after that. But also the sense of belonging that they miss for not being... one thing or another, either by origins or otherwise. Neuvillette struggles with a human identity that isn't what it should've been, an identity that could've been an insult even, considering how it came to be and more importantly— from who. He struggles with understanding his emotions and those around him as he lives in a world of humans while... being very human himself, having such a strong array of emotions that makes me sentimental to think about. Then there is Dain too, who is struggling with the fact that he's turned into a beast and with the plethora of negative views he has of himself in combination of subjecting himself to situations that are far from desirable for himself.

But despite everything, both push forward and their efforts are shining through. I think that the two of them would benefit greatly from having someone there who is long-living for one, but someone who they can talk openly with about any topic without fear of judgement. Despite their inner conflicts, I could see one uplifting the other and becoming a good source of comfort and safety for the other.

There is also a topic that I find greatly interesting, which is that Dain, who is slowly "dehumanizing" himself being able to teach Neuvillette about the complexity of human feelings and in kind, this very exercise helping Dain remind himself that he continues to be human. That no matter if he sees himself as a beast, that he still retains something very precious there that he doesn't want to lose.

If things were to escalate into romantic grounds, I don't think it would be in a conventional way, but not any less meaningful. I could see Dain taking great comfort in being by Neuvillette's side, being able to reconnect with a humanity that he believes himself above because of his own circumstances and because of the bestialization of himself in his mind. He would also make him realize how much he cares about humans despite being painfully aware of their dark side and despite the even more harrowing reminder of what happened in Khaenri'ah, probably prompted by some remark from the other's end. All in all, I think it'd be plausible of them to see romance as an extension of how their relationship develops, as one more side to it that doesn't detract from the rest that they've built and that causes in them a higher pleasure.

Dáinsleif and Calcharo.

Do I ship our characters together?: yes | no | not yet but maybe soon

Would I like to ship with you?: yes | maybe, i'm willing to try | no

Type of relationship I could see: childhood or high school sweethearts | exes | engaged | married | long-term relationship | crushes | unrequited love | fling | long distance | online relationship | just dating | new relationship | toxic lovers | friends with benefits | insert here it's complicated™

Tropes I'd enjoy writing for them: friends to lovers | enemies to lovers | exes to lovers | fake relationship / dating | forbidden love | grumpy and sunshine | star-crossed lovers | surprise pregnancy | second chance | soulmates | amnesia / mistaken identity | forced proximity | secret relationship | slow burn relationship

Would I rather plot first or jump right in and see where it goes?: develop their relationship first | jump right in | something in between ( what specifically? )

What now?: let's plot something | send me shippy memes | I'll send you shippy memes | write me a random starter | I'll write you a random starter

Anything else I want you to know about me / my character / my shipping habits: ( put whatever you want here )

Admittedly, I have a lesser basis for this than I had for Dain and Neuvilette not necessarily because they belong to different fandoms, but also because it's more on pure... vibes? So I apologize in advance that this won't be as articulate as the former was.

For this case in particular, I'd put Dain in the post-Genshin story timeframe, where he's done everything that was in his hand to make of Teyvat a better world and fought for humanity to the last, everything reaching a positive outcome. Thanks to this, he's able to rest finally, to give himself a break and to slowly reconnect with himself. He's in a situation in which he's exhausted from all those centuries fighting for everyone else but for himself, so he would take a more passive and laidback position in Solaris-3.

As for why Calcharo here, I think that he's someone with who Dain could have a good relationship with. What briefly we had them interact was a relationship that could be mutually-beneficial born from the acknowledgement of one another as capable individuals who they can trust, even if in a superficial way. The way I'd imagine the possibility of romantic scenarios go is with time shared together, completely dependent on the comfort they have in one another's presence, maybe even the discovery of something in dangerous situations in which one or the others gets to become key for their safety and make their relationship grow. Something like that could be fair, I believe.

[mentally-retired]

the "male loneliness epidemic" is so fucking stupid

youre lonely cus youre a sexist asshole

i have never been held romantically because im trans autistic queer and polyarmous and dating is really hard because i exist in way a lot of people find unacceptable and half the world is trying to take away my rights and that im even too scared to put myself out there because with everything i am i am scared for my emotional and physical safety, and yes i do have partners who i love adore and cherish who live across the globe but thats often or entirely how my relationships are because contenting with queer people is so much easier online because they can be anywhere

and you think women suck cus they can say no or dont wanna be your house wife while simultaneously mothering you and paying for everything and your rent

you think youre entiled to women so they obviously dont wanna be around you

people think i shouldnt have the right to exist so putting myself out there is not just hard but can be literally dangerous