#Eight destroys me every single time I hear it

[sustainably-du-mortain]

Let's hear about those character playlists, yeah? Expand on best songs and lyrics that really mean something to you/your characters

OOOH I'm so excited for this you have no idea!!! I love talking about character playlist!! I'm gonna do Jonah because he's my music guy (and also bc I'm still working on Mads and Côme' playlists)

Jonah's playlist

Before I go into more details, here is the whole playlist!!

Because I'm a chaotic gremlin, this is a mishmash of songs that fit his personality/backstory, songs where only a couple lines fit his vibe, songs that inspired a few fics I wrote, songs that remind me of the triad or just songs I think he would listen to.

Now it's time to get sad!!

Up, up & away - Chance Peña

I just want to show them I can make it on my own I want to go up, up & away Jonah left the family house when he was 16, so this song is about him deeply wanting to leave a house that didn't feel like home. He was living alone in a house that was constantly haunted with silence and an absent mother, and he craved a way out of that place that was slowly suffocating him. So as soon as he could, he left and never returned. Even when Rebecca or his favorite nanny begged him to come back and despite the fact that he was barely making ends meet in the beginning.

[cw: toxic relationship, cheating and guilt-tripping for these next two songs]

Lucky Escape & All for you - Years & Years

From all of the pictures I've seen of the two of you / Is he a model? / I'm not surprised, you're so vain / [...] / You probably think I must be broken / Promiscuous boy, be ashamed / Well I can tell you honey, I'm potent / At least I own up to mistakes / Don't lie to me now/ Just have some courage and show them who you really are / [...] / You're so deluded, you're such a fake / And now you got somebody else to manipulate / I think I dodged a bullet / I made a lucky escape - Lucky Escape I've been thinking / Was it all a different scene in my head / You've got powers / You instructed all the demons instead / Ooh, everyone sees a man so tall, so perfect, they said / [...] / And I have spent a year, wondering if I had all of the blame / And love's a bitter fruit if you remain in your shame - All for you I always pair these two songs together because they're about Jonah's relationship with Bobby. They got together at the end of their last year of high school and went to college together. The first year they had together was going smoothly because Bobby seemed to be really accepting of Jonah's polyamory and the couple flings he had when they were together. So Jonah was really relieved about that, but after a while Bobby's behavior started changing and he realized Bobby wasn't fine with it and actually discovered that Bobby was using the fact that he was polyamorous and that they were in an open relationship to cheat on him. So these songs are about that. Lucky escape is about how Jonah learned Bobby was cheating. He came upon a pic of Bobby with another guy on one of those pages colleges have about cute couples/gossip. And when he scrolled down, he discovered pictures of him with other guys on what seemed to be dates Bobby had never mentioned. But Bobby denied it all until Jonah caught him in the act during a party and finally got fed up of all of this. All for you is about how Bobby constantly gaslit Jonah when he tried to confront him about the pictures, at first saying they were random pictures and that he should trust those, until he started guilt-tripping Jonah over his polyamory, saying stuff like "If you're cheating, I can do it too". Jonah spent months blaming himself and his sexuality over this, thinking that maybe if he stopped going on dates with other people it would stop and this slowly destroyed him and his confidence. Until Tina forced him to see that none of that was his fault and helped him get out of the relationship.

I was torn between these next two songs, so have both

Before the song is over - Aron Wright

Leap of Faith - Christopher

So let go of all you carry / The gravity of such regret / [...] / Don't you get tired of standing / In a place bound to collapse? / [...] / The unknown is not dementing / It's the place where faith begins / What if the best is yet to come? / You just need a little more time under the sun / Close your eyes, one more time / Give me a chance to change your mind / It's just a dance, yours to be had / Don't leave before the song is over - Before the song is over We're watching the clouds changing shapes / Wait for the storm and taste the rain / But if we're standing still, now it'll be too late / [...] / Are we taking more than we can give? / [...] / Would you leave us behind or take a leap of faith? / I still your color just the same / Do you see us shine? / If you're praying for a change, you better not wait / Keep turning the pages, there's choices you make / Only once in your life - Leap of faith These two songs carry a similar feeling to me, but also hit slightly different. I see both as a conversation between Adam and Jonah. Before the song is over revolves more around these two's relationship. It's about Jonah trying to get Adam to see that there could be something worth it between the two of them. He gets where Adam is coming from, he knows how scary it is to open up again, but, if Adam is willing, they could try and see where it leads. He just wants Adam to give it a chance. The feeling with Leap of faith is the same, but to me, it revolves a bit more around Adam and Nate's relationship. It's about Adam freaking out because his relationship with Nate is suddenly changing and Jonah telling him to give it a go if he wants. Just the way the lyrics are worded makes me think of a pre-existing relationship evolving and leaving the safety of that pre-existing, comforting realtionship for something more.

Undertow - Diplomacy

fun fact: this one is actually sung by Jack Falahee who is my face claim for Jonah

I'm fighting fires burning in my head / [...] / So I'm starting over new and breaking all my rules / And I've been such a fool, so I hope you'll forgive me / If I need to catch my breath / Take it slow, I've been looking all my life for you / [...] / Still I'm taking my time for you This one is about Jonah's relationship with Nate. He has not dated anyone since he ended things with Bobby, so he hasn't had any serious relationships in years, apart from hookups here and there. So meeting Adam and Nate rattled him up a bit. He wasn't expecting to fall in love again, let alone with two people at the same time, so he needs to take it slow because what happened with Bobby still haunts him. And while he enjoys the pace this is going with Adam, things were going too fast with Nate and he chickened out after the carnival, because he had to figure out if he really wanted this, if he was ready to open up again. So this one is kind of a plea to Nate to let him take things slow.

I think this one pairs well with: Poet - Bastille

Your body lies upon the sheets Of paper in words so sweet I can't say the words So I wrote you into my verse Now you'll live through the ages I can feel you pulse through the pages Poet is very N and Jonah coded to me. It's about writing odes to your lovers and I think they do that in their own ways: Jonah through music and the songs he writes, Nate through letters and paintings. It's about worshipping your lover through writing and I think that fits the both of them perfectly.

And last but not least

Eight - Sleeping at last

If I had to resume Jonah with one song, it would be this one. I don't even know where to begin. I could quote this whole song because this is literally Jonah's life story. Also 8 is his enneagram type. I was little, I was weak and perfectly naive / And I grew up too quick He was raised by nannies who didn't give a flying fuck about him, except for one, and with Rebecca never being home, he ended up being forced to grow up too fast. He was constantly scared of nannies snapping at him if he forgot to do something or if he did something wrong, so he quickly became a self-sufficient kid to avoid having to interact with them. When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things / I see the familiar This small little bit is about Douglas. He feels for the kid because he can't help but see himself in him. Although he isn't big on the hero worship, he took the kid under under his wing because he cannot bear to see a child go through something similar to what he went through with Rebecca. I can't let you in, I swore never again This is about Rebecca and Bobby. They're the two person in his life who have hurt him the most and he swore he would never let them hurt him again, and this is exactly what he's doing. He cut ties with Rebecca when he left the house, so this was the first time he had seen her in a very long while when she showed up at the station and he does not intend on fixing their relationship. As for Bobby, he tries his best to avoid him, but Bobby makes it hard with the constant snooping around. Show me how to lay my sword down / For long enough to let you through / Here I am, pry me open / [...] / Here's a map, here's a shovel / Here's my Achilles' heel / I'm all in, palms out / I'm at your mercy now and I'm reading to begin / I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in This whole part is about Adam and Nate. It's about him allowing them to see how vulnerable he is, willingly opening up to them, despite how scared he is, because he's ready to give it a go. It's about letting them see how scarred he is by his past relationship with Bobby, by his past and hoping they won't hurt him like tthat again.

[shsy7573]

Random Lucifer (Hazbin Hotel) Character/Song Analysis Kinda Thing… I Guess

Okay, so yeah, Luci has 100% taken over this page. So what? I’m not obsessed, you are.

Anyway, I’ve been listening to “More Than Anything” on repeat since it dropped, and like a lot of the fandom I tear up every single time… but unlike a lot of the fandom, it’s not because of the sweet father-daughter moment (which, don’t get me wrong, doesn’t help the situation because it’s just so damn wholesome).

No, what gets me is how, just through a couple subtle moments, the show is able to convey just how absolutely shattered Luci is as a character. And, you know, because he’s my favourite, bestest, snek-baby-duck-boy, it makes me a little emotional…

So now you’re all gonna hear about what goes through my mind every time I listen to it. YAY!

“Charlie! You don’t understand, Heaven never listens. They didn’t listen to me. They won’t listen to you!” / “You don’t know that—” / “I do!”

It starts before the song even truly begins. When I’m listening, it’s usually these first few lines that grab my attention. I end up replaying the first 4-5 seconds of the song over and over again because the pain in that “I do” is so fucking good! (And because I like to suffer apparently cuz I end up sad. Life of an angst lover I guess).

It’s the first time we see him with actual tears in his eyes. The raw delivery of that line is so attention grabbing, and manages to say so much in such little words.

I think the reason this particular scene tickles my brain so much is because it’s the breaking point for his character in a way. I am, and always will be, a sucker for moments where a character’s walls finally come down, and we get to see what’s been festering inside. When their deepest thoughts and how much they’re hurting are revealed. The entire song is what that is for Lucifer, starting with these two words right here. I truly cannot put into words just how much my breath is taken away by Jeremy’s delivery of this line. I cannot articulate how much I love it, and how important it is for Luci’s character. it just hits so deep and so right for me and I love it.

Lucifer isn’t just saying that he knows Heaven isn’t going to care about her plan (I don’t think anyone thought that’s all he was saying but whatever). He is saying that he knows what Heaven does to dreamers. He knows what they’ll do because he has already been there, and it destroyed him. They took his ideas that they saw as too outlandish, and they squashed them. Cast him aside. And he paid the price for it when he went bashing their back and did his own thing anyway.

Luci is a broken dreamer. Throughout the entire episode, and the series as a while, we are given very strong hints of this. However, it’s not until this song that we really see it in action. It’s not until these moments that we are able to see past both the veils of “Imposing King of Hell” and “Goofy Guy who’s trying his best but not great at Dadding,” and get a look at how genuinely depressed this man is.

“My dreams were too hard to defend.”

This scene eight here. The more I see it, the more I fall in love with it. Just a great example of ‘show don’t tell.’

He’s talking about having big ideas, he’s talking about giving people a chance and reaching outside the normal, he’s talking about being cast out of Heaven. I just love the parallel he’s drawing between Charlie’s mission, and his own past.

Charlie created the hotel in an attempt to give people who have been seen as lesser to all of Heaven some sort of chance. She is choosing to have faith in them, and to open up opportunities for them to lead a better life.

Lucifer, when he gave Eve the fruit, was taking a chance to allow humanity the chance to have free will. He wanted them to experience everything life had to offer for themselves like angels got to. He offered a chance for them to lead a better life.

He had everything, and he had complete faith that what he was doing was right. All the light and hope of his dreams was right in the palm of his hand. He had so many ideas that he thought, if they were saw through, would make the world a better place.

But it didn’t work out for him.

“And in the end, I won’t lose it all again.”

Now, the first seconds of dialogue may be what I keep rewatching, but this has got to be my favourite visual of the entire song. It’s such powerful imagery, and I fangirl over it every time.

Look at how small he looks in that shot (I know, I know, he’s tiny regardless, but like seriously). He is completely outnumbered, hopelessly overpowered, totally at the mercy of all his Heavenly superiors… and he’s all alone.

He lost everything because he had the gall to dream. It’s not hard to look at the song (and the episode at large, really) and find not only his feelings of being wronged, but also his immense guilt. It shows in how much he hates Sinners. They are basically the worst of what he did, a constant reminder of the day his mistake caused him to lose his home and everything he held dear, and they are all he gets to see. Only being permitted to see your failures for all eternity? No wonder he’s fucking depressed.

The day Heaven cast him out was the day he stopped dreaming. Because dreaming big only leads to pain, failure, and suffering.

“I just don’t want you to be crushed by them like… like I was.”

This next moment is kinda self explanatory and obvious and really doesn’t need any commentary, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway. Because I love it, and I love him, and… you know… angst. I’ve mentioned my lust for it several times now throughout this post, you really shouldn’t be surprised.

I just feel so bad for him. Lucifer made one mistake. One simple, misguided mistake that ended up introducing evil into the world, and all of Heaven came down on him for it. And, you know what, in the narrative presented by the show, what he did wasn’t that bad. He just wanted to give the world’s newest creations the same freedom angels had, and it backfired horribly. Lucifer, like Charlie, was an idealist who saw the best in people and wanted to help.

And what did he get for his good intentions? Shoved into the cesspool he unintentionally created, and forbidden to ever see anything good that came from his dream.

If I had to guess, Lilith was the only thing keeping his mental health afloat for a long time… and then they had Charlie.

“The tales about your lofty dreams. I’d listen breathlessly, imaging it could be me.”

His daughter became the light of his life. Something that he cherished and indulged more than anything else in the world. To him, she was perfect, and he wanted to do right by her in any way he could.

Lilith told their daughter stories of all her father’s dreams regardless of what he thought of them, and when the little princess came asking him… how could he refuse? How could he refuse her anything?

So he shared them with her. All the tales of grandeur, and fantasies of everything he wished the world could have been. All the dreams he had long since let go.

“And in the end, it’s the view I had of you that show me dreams can be worth fighting for.”

Now, the scene where Lily take’s Charlie away has always been excellent brain fodder for me because of how somewhat ambiguous it is. You could interpret his sadness to have SO MANY meanings. However, I have inevitably decided on two potential head-cannons/theories to share here for what could possibly be going through Snek-King’s head.

One: Lucifer loves his daughter, but he feels estranged and like he’s failed her in some way. She’s such a joy, such a wonder, and in a way it's his fault she’s trapped down here with all of human ties worst. He wasn’t to be close to her, and to make the world perfect for her… but he already feels like he’s failed her in the most unforgivable way. He keeps his distance because part of him doesn’t want her to have a super high of an opinion of him. It’s kind of his depression manifesting, saying that ‘she shouldn’t admire you and your stupid dreams when they’re the reason she’ll never see true light and happiness.’

The angst addict in me likes this one more, but still I’ve got another one that always pops.

Two: He feels like he’s selling her false hope, and he can kind of see the place her innocence is headed. He’s seen the horrors of the world, and he knows the more he indulges her dreams and fantasies, the more she’ll suffer when she sees that’s not what the world is like. He knows from personal experience how much it hurts when your dreams come undone, when you lose hope in the world.

Listening to Charlie’s actual lyrics, she tells him that he was the one who inspired her to dream, that he was right to dream, and that she’s not going to back down. In the song, Luci realises that 1: maybe he didn’t fuck us as badly as he thought and that she actually doesn’t blame him and wants her in his life and/or 2: she has her mother’s willpower, and she’s never going to stop dreaming or let her world be sullied like he did. She’s so much stronger than he was.

So he lets her in.

(Side note… AWWW, look how TINNYY he is! He’s so small. The start contrast in the second image gets me every time)

There’s a bit of symbolism in the song which I ABSOLUTELY adore, and it has to do with the wings. In the flashback, Charlie mentions his “lofty dreams,” when we see the duck, which later transforms to have multiple sets of wings. Later in the song, when Lucifer finally lets her in, he also sprouts those wings.

And I just love this, because I think it acts as the perfect symbolism of him finally opening his mind again. Not just to his daughter, but to the possibility of dreaming in general.

He takes her to a circus, a place filled to the brim with spectacles and thrills, a place where humanities wildest imaginations seem possible.

But even though he’s beginning to open up, and he’s willing to help her in whatever she does, he’s not ‘fixed.’ His depression and self doubt and feelings of hollow emptiness and guilt and apprehension aren’t gone.

And he’s still terrified of seeing her spark go out like his did.

This tiny smile break is so addicting to watch for me. It speaks volumes. Once again, my angst loving heart eats it up every time. It says, “I’m still worried, and there is still so much shit going on in my mind right now about all of this, but I’m here for you.”

And that’s what counts.

Luci’s character showed a lot of colours, and came a long way in this singular episode, but he’s still got a big uphill battle to climb. He still has to come back into his own where dreams are concerned. Maybe he never will, not completely. Realistically, he’ll never go back to the way he was.

But maybe, just maybe, in helping his daughter he’ll find something worth believing in again.

That is, of course, if they decide to give him a character arc beside ‘Dad who is trying and doing better,’ but for that only time will tell.

—

And THAT concludes my rant on the Rubber Ducky Ruler. If you stuck around this long, good for you! I wrote this whole thing on a limb at midnight, and NO I’m not going to go back and edit it because why would I ever want to see all the horrid grammatical and spelling errors I’ve inevitably made.

Maybe I’m off the mark on all of this. Maybe I’m head-cannoning too much. Maybe I’m just trying to suck out every hint of potential angst out of a song that’s supposed to be sweet and wholesome. That’s for you to decide. But for me, I’ve decided that I’m satisfied with this analysis. In the end, I just needed to express all the thoughts bumbling around in my head SOMEWHERE before I exploded, and unfortunately, I feel like I’ve run all my friends dry talking about this baby to them, so now it’s your turn. But, anyways, I think that about wraps things up. It’s time to go to bed.

Farewell, stay hydrated, and have a lovely rest of your day/night :)

[fountainpenguin]

What are the limits to Cosmo and Wanda's empathy links to Timmy? They can sense where he is, when he's calling for them or when he's in distress, but obviously not every single time. They don't always know when he's in danger and have even lost track of him on a few occasions.

Appendixes

In the Riddleverse canon, a lot of godparenting stuff is handled through a magical connection with the appendix (Playing with old sayings that it's a useless organ + the fact that Mark's appendix will destroy the entire planet á la "Five Days of F.L.A.R.G.")

- This link allows godparents to draw from the godchild's energy, turning a spell into a wish, which is much more powerful than things a fairy can do on their own.

- Using magic drains a fae's life force, but springboarding off a wish dramatically cuts down on the effects.

- Also, this connection is the reason godparents explode from magical back-up if they go too long without granting wishes (and why Norm did too despite being biologically a genie), but most of Fairy World gets by fine without exploding.

- Fae have to use their own internal magic if they can't sync up to an appendix, which is why Fairy Court decreed in "Pink and Gray" that Gary and Betty had to get their appendixes removed before the Pixies were allowed to adopt them. In fact, that's why we have this exchange in "Looking Back"-

Before Gary can formulate a convincing protest to wiggle out of that assignment, Poof's rattle starts to beep and flash a light behind him. He draws it out again and tosses an apologetic look Denzel's way. "Sorry- Can we wrap this up? Foop says my nonna is waiting for us. Can someone here make a wish? That would really help me out right now." Denzel says nothing, pretending to pull a few more papers together while also downing his steaming coffee. But when there's no response from Gary, he glances over. Gary just stands like a coat rack, his hands shoved in the pocket of his baggy purple hoodie. Denzel scoffs. "He means you, firecracker. He's looking for a young soul to bum energy off. His baby rattle rations him and getting to Fairy World takes a whole lot of energy." Gary tips his head. "Oh. I can't mind-sync with you, Poof. My appendix was removed when I was eight." Poof sighs. "Never mind; I'll pick up the check. But you guys both owe me a snack from the vending machine, poof poof."

- Once a godparent is officially separated from a child (i.e. all the paperwork goes through and every box checked), the godparent can choose to break the link or not. If they do, the child's appendix will rupture, which can be dangerous.

- If they don't want it removed, the godparents will continue holding that connection to their godchild (sometimes multiple at once), which can be miserable or embarrassing.

- Juandissimo is an example of a godparent who didn't snap the tie, playing into that grief we see in show canon where he couldn't hold down a job because he was constantly crying and eventually broke Da Rules to give Remy back his memories.

- This is also why Crocker was running down the hall with a passed-out Juandissimo in his arms during the opening scene of "Looking Back"- Remy was in severe pain from the damage to his yoo-doo doll.

All this to say, as long as they're officially assigned to Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda both have a connection with his appendix; they're officially licensed godparents with legal links. Poof pinches some of his energy even though he's not supposed to... the fae care for godchildren, but they also don't quite get the whole... boundaries and consent thing, and they will just take what they're offered sometimes

- Hence why they have Da Rules to keep them in line; Poof's pinching goes largely unnoticed since he's not being monitored by the Amity Agency.

The connection Cosmo and Wanda have with Timmy allows them to draw on his energy and grant wishes when they hear them. The link can help them keep rough track of where he is, but not perfectly.

They prefer to be in the area as well, which makes it way easier to springboard off his energy. If they're far away from him, they need to concentrate and use their own magic. Otherwise, they might "yank" his energy or hurt him in some way.

- Hence Cosmo and Wanda sending Timmy I.O.U.s when they were scrambling with Poof and Timmy griping that they have time to send him those notes, but not time to grant his wishes. Sending notes was a little pulse of magic in his direction. Giving him what he actually needed would have required them to turn their attention away from Poof, focus on what Timmy needed (Extremely difficult from far away), process the situation, then try to weave his wish with their own magic without hurting him or messing up what he asked for.

tl;dr - I think your term "empathy link" is a good way to describe it. They can sense when he's distressed, and they might stretch their energy towards him to determine if he's in immediate danger. It's not a tracking link... just an energy tug.

[the-casbah-way]

if you could be 8 inches taller but you would constantly hear faint banjo music literally all the time, would you?

this implies that i want to be tall so we're off to a poor start. i joke about the fact that i'm tiny but it doesn't actually bother me because a) it means no one expects my level of strength and power so when i bite and destroy them i have the upper hand i'm so serious and b) i don't actually give a fuck about height. if i were eight inches taller i'd be over six foot and that is deeply frightening to me. ALSO i have auditory processing disorder and ocd so my brain is extremely loud at all times. i have to get prescribed migraine medication because my ocd makes my brain such a loud place and my auditory problems make every single sound i hear the exact same volume. so the clock ticking is as loud as someone talking in my ear. and then there's all the intrusive thoughts on top of that which are genuinely constant and often extremely graphic and disturbing. if you added in faint banjo music on top of all that you wouldn't even be able to hear it. i'm immune. like the joker

[queenflareon]

So, I wrote this Drinny Christmas fanfic last year and thought I might post it here.

————————

I saw Aunt Ginny kissing Santa Clause

Harry was truly desperate. He had a promise to keep. To his godson.

Eight months ago, Ron and his wife Natalie had managed to fulfil their dearest wish and adopt a child. Their son Benjamin was three years old and from the moment they met him, he held their whole hearts. The poor child had been given up by his birthparents for having magic and it was also the reason why he had remained unadopted until now. That poor boy had had such a bad start into life and was still very shy and timid.

But when he had heard his cousins Lizzy and Annie, George’s daughters, tell him about seeing Santa while they visited America, the little boys whole face lit up and he asked his parents if he would meet Santa, too. George’s wife Emma and Fred’s wife Marie had grown up together in America both practically being raised by Emma’s grandmother Elisabeth. The two friends had left America as soon as they finished school (and had shortly after met Fred and George), but the love for Elisabeth made them take frequent trips back there. And during the most recent visit, she had insisted to take all her great-grandbabies to take pictures with Santa. While Fred and Marie’s son Eddy and George’s and Emma’s son Jonny were still too small to appreciate the experience, the girl had talked of little else since.

And Harry had made the mistake to promise Benjamin that Santa would visit them on Christmas.

Harry had thought it would be easy. Just one of them had to dress up. Hermione, his fellow godparent, had however pointed out that while Benjamin might not understand it was one of them, the older children would most certainly do. He had wanted to convince Hermione’s fiancé Alex to do it, but they had already promised to join his family on a family vacation as Alex came from a muggle family as well as Hermione, sneaking away for a while wasn’t an option.

So, Harry had spent the day desperately visiting every single person he could think of. Sirius and Remus might have helped, but it was too close full moon. A time when Sirius never left Remus’ side.

Neville would have loved to help, but his wife was due to give birth to their son any day now, so he could leave her.

All this led to Harry standing in front of the office of one of the last people one would associate with Christmas cheer.

“Potter, will you just stand there all day or actually come in? I have other things to do, you know?”, came the voice of Draco Malfoy from the office.

Harry took a deep breath and marched in.

********

Draco almost burst into laughter after hearing this ridiculous proposition.

“Why on earth would I do that, Potter?”, he asked, not seriously expecting a reply.

Potter’s face grew from embarrassed to determined. “Because you owe me.”

Ah, there it was. Whenever Potter needed even the tiniest thing, he brought that up.

He wasn’t wrong, of course. Potter had spoke in Draco’s favour in his trial after Voldemort was defeated. It was probably the only reason Draco had not been sent to Azkaban and he was even allowed to keep his families fortune, which he had inherited after his father’s death in the last battle. He had even inherited his aunt’s fortune somehow, which he, of course, didn’t touch, but gave to Longbottom so he could use it for something good. And Draco had to admit he had really done well with it.

But all this support was not undeserved on his part. After seeing the horrors Voldemort’s minions had inflicted on the students in Hogwarts, he and a couple of his friends had discreetly started to help the other students. And he had also helped Potter find and destroy one of the horcruxes. That had to be good for something, right?

Still, every time Potter wanted something, he brought this up. And Draco was tired of it. That was ten years ago. He felt like he had really repaid his debt by now.

Just as Draco was about to tell Potter in a not so friendly tone that he was done with this “debt repayment” he caught a glimpse of someone walking past his office. Someone who always caught his eyes.

Instead of a vile refusal, Draco sighed in defeat. “I must admit I don’t understand why you didn’t ask one of the countless members of your fan club, that follow you around here.” Potter visibly flinched. Fair point, Draco also would never let any of the people that grovelled at his feet into his home.

“I will help you. But if I do, this is the last time you can use this ‘You owe me’ crap. This is it, understood?” Potter eagerly agreed and with a “You won’t regret it” and “I’ll owl you the details”, he quickly left Draco’s office.

He didn’t have to know Draco wasn’t doing it for him.

******

Harry was in the best possible mood as he made his way to the elevator.

“You’re in good spirits today. Did Jennifer give you a proper goodbye before she left to visit her family for the holidays?”, he heard a teasing voice next to him.

Harry laughed as he saw Ginny standing there.

In his sixth year, he had believed himself to be in love with her. When he had tried to kiss her, her reaction was to punch him and then laugh at him. And after a moment, Harry had laughed as well. It was quite an absurd situation after all. While he could admit that she was certainly an attractive woman, she was more like a sister to him, much like Hermione.

“Jennifer’s leaving tomorrow, so I’m still looking forward to my ‘proper goodbye’. What brings you here? You seem to be here more often as of late.”, he remarked as they stepped into the elevator together.

“Can’t I just be a good daughter and visit my dad at work? I don’t have that much to do during the Quidditch season break. And I can’t hang out with mum all day. As much as I love her, she is really driving me insane lately.”, Ginny complained. She was really agitated. Harry knew how much Molly was bothering Ginny about settling down and finding a husband. Ginny had only brought home two guys in the last ten years and both times it had gone terribly. So Harry really didn’t blame Ginny for not sharing details about her love life with her family, especially her mother.

****

Ginny was rolling her eyes at another of her mother’s tirades of being worried Ginny might end up alone.

It was Christmas Eve and Ginny was at her parents’ home along with Harry and Ron, Fred and George with their families. Percy and Bill and their families would join them the next day and Charlie would drop by tomorrow evening.

“Even Harry is in a happy relationship and ready to settle down.”, Molly exclaimed and turned to the man she had basically adopted as her son. Harry blushed. “We’ll see what the next year will bring.”

Damn, her brothers were all so not helpful. Ginny didn’t want to settle down at the moment.

She was at the peak of her career, finally team captain of the national team as well as the Holyhead Harpies. Holding the record for most goals in a game in world championships. And next tournament, she would take the record for most goals total in the world championship tournament.

What is more, she was perfectly happy with her life. Going out with her friends, enjoying time with her family, spoiling her ever growing number of nieces and nephews. Life was good. She wanted to settle down eventually, but she still had time. She was only 27! And she hoped she wouldn’t have to look for a guy to settle down with anymore. But of course, her mother didn’t know that last part.

“I’m so excited to see Santa.”, her wonderful sister in-law Natalie chimed in. Bless her, she was a good one. Though Natalie’s husband didn’t look happy at the mentioned. Ron at been furious when he heard who Harry had recruited as Santa. But his wife had quickly reprimanded him for it. Their son’s happiness was the most important thing and not holding onto old grudges, she had told him. To everyone’s surprise, Arthur had agreed with her and told everyone ‘What a fine young man’ Draco had become. When that hadn’t convinced Ron, Arthur had said that as a father it was his duty sometimes do things one might not be happy about. After a long list of examples, Ron was still not happy, but promised to behave.

Before anyone could add something to that, a knock at the door announced said man’s arrival.

Ginny watched with glee has her two nieces and three nephews took turns sitting on Santa’s lap. Emma and Natalie were busy taking photographs from every possible angle, much to Santa’s dismay. Fred whispered into Ron’s ear how he should simply enjoy his old enemy being humiliated in front of the whole family. That earned him a grin from Ron and an elbow into his side from his pregnant wife Marie.

But Ginny just stood there, impressed by how well Draco was taking the whole ideal and how sweet he was to the children. Especially with Benjamin who was very shy.

“What do you wish for this year, Benjamin”, he asked the little boy in a fake deep voice.

The little boy looked around to all his family members and was unable to speak.

“You can just whisper it into my ear if you want. I won’t tell anyone.”, Draco promised in a warm voice.

Benjamin considered it for a moment and then went to whisper something as well as he could with the white fluffy wig and beard on Santa’s head. Ginny saw Draco’s eyes water for a moment and flash the boy a smile. “I have no doubt at all that your wish will come true. An such a sweet boy as you will surely get many wonderful gifts as well.” Benjamin hugged Draco tightly before hopping of his lap and ran to his mother.

“I told them, he is a really good man.”, Ginny heard her father say while standing next to her.

“He is.”, she agreed curtly, not meeting her father’s eyes.

“Any woman would be lucky to have him. I’m sure he would take excellent care of anyone.”, he went on. Ginny looked at him in confusion, but he just chuckled lightly and went to see if Marie needed anything.

When Santa was taking his leave of the children, Molly ushered Ginny into the kitchen to take a basket of food out the back to Draco as a thank you. Her mother would never let anyone leave her house without food.

The children were all busy opening one present they were allowed to open this evening and their parents were all chatting about everything and nothing, so it wasn’t hard for Ginny to sneak out into the garden. And there was someone already waiting for her.

“You know, the beard really suits you.”, she teased him while he was practically ripping the fake beard and the wig off his head.

“Very funny!”, he said in a sarcastic tone. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

She chuckled at that as she presented the basket to him. “My mum packed all this for you. As a thank you for your help. And because she loves feeding people.”

Draco nodded. “That’s very nice of her. Though really not necessary at all.” He was sporting his proud face, as Ginny called it. Some prejudices were really drilled deep into one’s brain.

“Please. Don’t pretend you didn’t practically inhale the birthday cake she had sent to me. It wasn’t your poor house elves that ate it.”, she teased him, poking a finger into his chest.

He gently took her hand in his as his mask crumbled. “I didn’t say your mother wasn’t a great cook. You know full well I enjoy all the leftovers of her food you bring over to my place.”

For a moment, they just stood there and looked into each other’s eyes, countless emotions swirling in their gazes, their bodies filling with warmth, despite standing out in the cold winter air.

“I have to ask. What did Benjamin wish for?”, Ginny said, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

She knew she had to return inside soon even though she could stand out here with her boyfriend forever. Eight months they had been together now, though no one of her family knew that. Bringing home guys was already really rough for her but him? They would go insane.

But Ginny knew she had to eventually. And strangely, she wanted to.

Draco’s warm gaze turned to the hand he was holding. “I will not tell you. I promised him that it’s a secret.”

After giving him her most adorable pout, he added “but it was something very sweet and selfless. He’s a good kid. But don’t tell his father I said that. Don’t want him to get the impression I’ve gone soft.”

Ginny wanted to counter that he had, but she just opted for wrapping her arms around him.

“How did Harry even convince you to do it? I’m pretty sure my brothers made bets about that. I hope you didn’t let him use the ‘You owe me’ thing again.”

Draco was avoiding her gaze, concentrating on rubbing circles on her lower back where his hands were resting around her.

“Oh Draco, you can’t allow him to keep doing this. His requests get more ridiculous each time. It’s been ten years. At some point, it’s truly enough.”, she reprimanded him.

“In my defence, I told him this was the last time he could use that excuse. But it’s not the reason why I agreed. Maybe I just wanted to catch a glimpse at a certain someone. And give her something to smile about.”, he retorted, still avoiding her eyes.

Ginny’s heart warmed even more. She had offered to spend some time with him over Christmas, but he had insisted she should enjoy the time with her family as they rarely were all together these days. He was right about that of course. It still made her sad knowing he was all alone over the holidays. His mother had remarried a few years prior and was living in Paris with her husband and her young stepchildren. She had invited him, of course, but he had told his mother he didn’t want to spend Christmas around small children. In truth though, he always felt like he was disrupting her world when he visited her new family, reminding her of a past life and dark times. Ginny knew Narcissa wouldn’t have cared, but she also knew Draco loved his mother too much to do that. So he always met with his mother apart from her family. The one time Ginny had formally met Narcissa, not too long ago, she had looked at Ginny and told her she was hopeful that would change once she had grandchildren whenever that day would come. And Ginny had blushed at that, naturally.

“I can drop by later for a bit, if you want to.”, Ginny offered despite knowing he would refuse.

“I’m fine, darling. I’ve spent many holidays alone.” He must have seen on her face that had been the wrong thing to say, so he added. “Besides, I will spend the rest of the evening indulging in these delicacies your mother prepared, and I will probably pass out from it.” Ginny chuckled at that.

“I’m afraid I have to get back in now before someone misses me, but I think Santa deserves another reward for his efforts before that.”, she mumbled against his lips before claiming them. He pulled her even closer to him as they deepened the kiss.

****

The next morning, all the Weasley grandchildren were sitting together and the living room with Lizzy and Annie telling their aunts and uncles who hadn’t been present the night before about their meeting with Santa.

Bill’s and Fleur’s second daughter Claire was barely prevented by her mother from telling her younger cousins that there was no Santa Clause. But her older sister Victoire and Percy’s son Arthie were patiently indulging their younger cousins by agreeing how great meeting Santa must be.

Benjamin was opening a new gift, looking at it in confusion. Practically growing up as a muggle, he was not used to magical toys yet. Lizzy and Annie went to their younger cousin and tried to comfort him, believing he was disappointed in the gift.

“Don’t worry, Benny. If you don’t like it, Aunt Ginny can ask Santa for a new toy.”, Annie said to her cousin, while stroking his back.

All conversation stopped at that. Ginny looked at her nieces in confusion.

“And how would she manage that, sweety?”, George asked his daughters in unsuspecting amusement.

Lizzy answered, “Last night after we opened the presents, we went out and saw Aunt Ginny and Santa kissing.”

Everyone now turned from the girls to Ginny. Naturally, she tried to just play it off and gave a forced chuckle. “It was just a peek on the cheek. To say thank you for taking the time out of his busy schedule to come to you guys.”

But her nieces wouldn’t let her get away with it. “No!”, exclaimed Annie. “It was a grown-up kiss!”, she insisted.

“Like mummy and daddy do when they think we are in the other room.”; Lizzy added.

Well, at least George and Emma are blushing along with her now, Ginny thought to herself.

Before the two five-year-olds could go on, Penelope said “I wonder what’s in that big package.”

Ginny was so grateful at least her sisters-in-law were always willing to save her. But while Ginny was safe from the kids now, she could see she wasn’t so lucky with the adults.

“Well, young lady, I think we need another place setting tonight.”, her mother exclaimed in an upset voice.

****

Charlie didn’t come home too often. He loved his job, and it kept him very busy. But the rare occasions when he did come home, he always enjoyed himself. Seeing how his nieces and nephews had grown, hearing what was new in the life of his parents and siblings and their partners.

Tonight, there was a strange mood coming from some of his siblings. Well, mostly Ron, to be honest. But no one seemed to explain what had happened. Charlie had asked his father once, but he had only chuckled and mumbled “I knew it”.

But Charlie decided it didn’t really matter. He turned to his right asking his sister how training was going.

Ginny really seemed relieved for the conversation, though Charlie didn’t know why.

Ginny’s new boyfriend (though the couple didn’t seem like they had just started dating) seemed a bit stiff at first, but after a few dishes and some conversations with the women at the table, he seemed to loosen up.

At the end of the night, Draco was even cracking jokes with Fred and George, all the while holding Ginny’s hand under the table. Ginny mostly spent the night happily watching him interact with everyone. And when a conversation over Quidditch started, even Ron joined in.

Charlie chuckled at Ginny’s embarrassed and enraged red face when Molly asked Draco after the kids had gone to bed and they had had a round of fire whiskey how many children they were planning to have. And even more at Draco’s reply “That’s hardly for me to decide. I don’t have to carry them.”

Yes, Charlie thought it had been an perfect evening and he was looking forward to all of them being together again like this next year.

[bbrabbits]

my mom has repeatedly dismissed the idea that she has favorites between us, and yet earlier this year she literally admitted to my face that she's prioritized my abuser over me bc she's 'going through worse stuff'.

and constantly. fucking CONSTANTLY i have to hear abt my abuser, how much she's 'changed' and 'loves me' and 'wants a relationship with me' etc etc etc

and the most draining part of all of this is that i busted my ass for multiple fucking years to finally break the shackles off and get the fuck out of here, only for a selfish, heartless, absolutely piece of utter and complete shit to damn me back here.

and now, im stuck in this cycle again. where spending EIGHT HOURS on the phone trying to get my phone shit settled, and being at my absolute fucking limit bc on top of dealing w that crap, i had to listen to my abuser and her kids screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs for the past two days, and snapping to shut the fuck up,, gets me dealing w my mother holding a grudge w me.

bc 'oh let me have kids and then maybe ill understand' IT'S LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SHE'S OVER HERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD KIDS. THE BRUNT OF MY ABUSER WAS LITERALLY BEING SCREAMED AT AND BERATED BY HER OVER STUPID SHIT.

/IM/ THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING INSISTENT THAT SHE HASNT CHANGED ?!?!? WHEN SHE LITERALLY HASNT FUCKING CHANGED!!!?!?!?!? SHE'S /WORSE/ NOW /BECAUSE/ SHE STILL HAD KIDS ANYWAY WHEN LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER LIFE WARNED HER NOT TO BC WE ALL KNEW SHE'D BE A SHITTY PARENT. AND WOW, HUGE SHOCKER, SHE IS!!!

i made the decision when i was VERY young, but also old enough to realize just how deep rooted my trauma runs & how much it affects my responses to stress & other shit, to not have human children bc i fucking KNEW. no matter how much i try to be a nice person, no matter how good my intentions try to be, i can be very nasty. i can be harsh. i can be snappy. i can be violent. i can be completely apathetic to how my actions affect other people when i'm angry enough.

i ACKNOWLEDGE that shit. i will be the first to admit when i probably went overboard, but i am so fucking sick of being put in a position where if i dont apologize for being fucking straight up verbally, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abused, & responding to that abuse like any fucking body would, ESPECIALLY a person who has existing trauma, im an asshole.

im so. fucking sick. of being alive. this year has broken me. it really, truly fucking has. i lost EVERYTHING. i dont even have a fucking doctor. i am back in the house all my trauma happened in, damned by someone i thought was my best friend who looked me dead in my eyes a month after my daughter died in my arms & told me damning me back to the house every traumatic thing ive ever gone to 'wasnt her problem'. & having to be put right back in the cycles i brutalized myself to get out of.

and the worst fucking part is that this year has left me in such shambles from stress, i physically cannot pick myself up anymore. my alters can't pick themselves up anymore. we are all so fucking burnt out, and it is so fucking draining to lie to ourselves that hope is worth it when we had it all stripped away from us repeatedly in such brutal ways. nonstop. i swear to the moon herself, i mean it when i say not one single day this entire year has been peaceful. has been free from some degree of pain, or straight up agony.

i am tired of beating myself up for being angry. i am tired of being berated by other people for being angry. FUCK all of that shit. this year, and the shitty people who refuse to fucking offer me the same empathy they DEMAND from me, have fucking destroyed me. and i DESERVE TO BE FUCKING PISSED OVER THAT SO I FUCKING WILL BE IM FUCKING PISSED FUCK THIS YEAR FUCK MY ABUSER FUCK HER GODDAMN DEFENDERS FUCK THE BITCH WHO DAMNED ME HERE FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE IT'S NEVERENDING BULLSHIT AND IM TIRED OF ACTING LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME WAS OKAY OR THAT I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT!! NONE OF IT WAS OKAY!! IM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH IT!! NOBODY FUCKING WOULD BE!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[aspens-dragons]

Hot Litwick Cocoa: What's the spookiest ghost story you can think of?

ok this is a true story i fucking SWEAR

but. when i was like 11 doing my island challenge. if ur not familiar with how the island challenge goes basically theres eight trials you have to do in total, and after you complete all the trials on an island you have to defeat the kahuna before you can do the next set of trials on the next island. one of these trials is the ghost trial where you have to have to go into the abandoned thrifty megamart that was destroyed by tapu bulu, take pictures of three ghost pokemon, then take a picture of the totem mimikyu and defeat it in battle.

heres the thing. when i went in it was about 1 PM. i had just eaten lunch and i was pumped and ready to go. it was clear as day, not a single cloud in the sky. i enter the trial site and SUDDENLY. BOOM. THUNDER. RAIN POURING AND ITS LOUD AS FUCK. so im alr kinda freaked out by this cause i can't see well cause yk its dark when it storms and im in an abandoned supermarket and shits moving on its own because of the ghost pokemon. so after i get familiar with the layout of the store in case shit goes bad, i take my three pictures, and THEN. i hear this rattling sound from the back. huh. weird, i think. probably just another ghost. okay, i think, i'll take a picture of it and maybe the totem will show up. maybe it is a totem. at this point i also realize my phone is reading "4 AM" and the date says its the day before. okay. weird. must be because of the weird kinda scary supermarket that shouldve never been built in the first place.

LO AND BEHOLD. THERES A FUCKING DOOR THAT WASN'T THERE BEFORE.

NEED I REMIND YOU I CHECKED EVERYWHERE AND LOOKED AT EVERY CORNER OF THIS STORE. THAT DOOR WASN'T THERE BEFORE I CAN ASSURE YOU.

okay. i turn around to try and see if maybe theres some kind of psychic type. nothing. i turn back. AND THERE'S ACEROLA. STARING AT THE DOOR NOT LOOKING AT ME. AND THEN SHE STARTS TELLING ME TO LEAVE AND EVERY TIME I TELL HER NO SHE GETS MORE AND MORE UPSET AND ANGRY UNTIL I FINALLY DECIDE. OKAY. LETS FIRE UP THE CAMERA.

so i do this. and shes just. gone. the doorknob has stopped rattling. so i try to open it. it opens easily. okay. i go in and its this tinyish room, barely enough room for a battle and theres all these pictures and posters of pikachu. THEN. MY PHONE TURNS ON ON ITS OWN. OPENS THE CAMERA APP ON ITS OWN. okay. totem time, i think. i am correct. i fight the totem. all is well and good.

i book it out of the thrifty megamart. i grab the z crystal and go. it feels like its been an hour at most that ive been in there. i expect it to be maybe 4 pm at the latest.

WHEN I GET OUT IT IS PITCH BLACK AND RAINING SEVERELY. I CHECK THE TIME. IT IS 2:34 AM.

i am so fucking tired as is acerola who londly waited for me this entire time. she gives me the congrats, some dusk balls, and we both just go home. the next day i run into her again and she asks me was took me so long. i explain that i experienced it as an hour at most. i explain that my phone clock was glitching out the entire time. i explain the acerola i saw in there.

acerola cuts me off.

she says.

"aspen, there's no door in the back of the trial site?"

i pause.

i have never stepped foot in a thrifty megamart ever again.

[oflgtfol]

"Why do you visit us alone, Turtlestar?"

Turtlestar recognizes the she-cat in front of her from the last time she had visited the Moonstream. On that fateful night, only twelve moons ago, the river had been blazing with the light of the waning gibbous as it gleamed off the current. Silversong had greeted her with stars sparkling in her eyes and moonlight weaving through her fur. Now, tonight, the moon is just a thin crescent setting on the horizon, and the Moonstream is dark. Silversong is but a pale apparition floating over the water.

Turtlestar bows her head. “I come before StarClan tonight to ask that… that you may rescind my nine lives, and give them to my deputy, Fawnspot. Name them Fawnstar in my stead.”

A moment of tense silence, and then, “Why should we do that?”

“I'm not fit to be SpruceClan's leader," Turtlestar replies. "It is… destroying me, and I’m afraid that it may destroy my Clan in the process."

A murmur rises up before her. She lifts her head to see more spirits have joined them, staring at her from behind Silversong. In the darkness, their forms blend together, faces bleeding into more faces until they're unrecognizable. She can't make out any eyes, but she can feel the weight of their stares, their disapproval heavy on her exhausted shoulders. She feels pinned down, small, cowering there alone on the river stone.

“It is not every day that a cat receives eight additional lives from StarClan,” Silversong says. “Do you doubt the gifts we gave you?”

“No, I just — I’m not worthy of them,” Turtlestar chokes out. She hangs her head in defeat. “Please. I’m trying to do what’s best for my Clan. And what’s best for my Clan is not me.”

Her pelt burns: with shame, with guilt, with humiliation. Only twelve moons, and she has come crawling back, knelt down and begging to be relieved of the duty that any other cat would be honored to have. As painful as this is, she knows that withstanding a single more day of this burden would be more than she could bear.

"Very well," Silversong says. She looks down at Turtlestar, eyes glinting like ice. "Let the ceremony commence."

A new cat emerges from the formless mass of ghosts. Rainstar, the leader of SpruceClan before her, steps towards Turtlestar and dips his head. Her mentor, her friend, and her predecessor — he had believed in her when even she herself didn't. His eyes are downturned and somber as he says, "There is no coming back from this. Are you sure you would like to begin, Turtlestar?"

She nods wordlessly, and he sighs. "For your ninth life, I gave you the gift of judgment. Now, I will revoke it.”

Rainstar leans forward and touches his nose to her forehead, and a terrible hollowing sensation pangs through her chest. It feels like the life is being sucked out of her, leaving her empty, shaking and weak. She feels a piece of herself missing, somewhere nestled next to her heart, where now nothing but a small, gaping hole resides, and she knows that hole will only get punched bigger and bigger over the course of the night. He pulls away and watches her, green eyes shadowed in the darkness, before he melts back into the crowd.

The press of the water-slick stone beneath her paws is grounding, now. She digs her claws in and pants, chest heaving, as she regains her bearings, head spinning and heart racing. The ghostly mass of StarClan cats hovers over the water, silent and watchful. Like the loss of her ninth life was an actual death, and this is her final judgment. But she still has seven more lives to lose tonight, and seven more final judgments to endure.

Another cat approaches. Sageleaf, a former SpruceClan medicine cat who had died when Turtlestar was still a kit, too young to remember them, but old enough to hear their stories. The cat eyes her flatly, face too stoic to betray any emotions. “I gave you your eighth life in honor of making difficult choices. I see it has been put to good use. Now, I will remove it.”

The cats come and go, and matter less and less each time. In between the terrible, bone-deep ache of each life lost, their words somehow still reach her, penetrating through the fog.

“I gave you your seventh life for loyalty.”

“Your sixth life was given for integrity.”

“Forgiveness.”

“Duty.”

“Confidence.”

Finally, as Turtlestar stands hunched over and trembling with exhaustion, Silversong steps to the front once more. She eyes Turtlestar coldly. “For your second life, I had given you perseverance. Now, I will take it back." She presses her nose to Turtlestar's forehead, hard, unforgiving, and it feels as though the warmth is leaving her limbs.

Silversong pulls back, but doesn’t retreat. “You will remain known as Turtlestar, as a reminder of the lives you once had. You may not be leader of SpruceClan any longer, but may your experiences forever remain in your memories and guide you for the rest of your days.” Now, she steps back. “Have a good life, Turtlestar.”

Turtlestar watches as the thin crescent moon finally slips below the horizon, and StarClan fades away. She is left standing alone on the stepping stones, a shivering wreck in the darkness with only the rushing of water for company.

[vladspellbinder]

I learn forward on the edge of the uncomfortable chair, reading the closed captions on the muted TV across the room. The steady beepbeepbeep of a heart monitor the only sound to be heard beyond two people breathing.

There was a large hurricane off the west coast, rapidly approaching land. So many other heroes, and even some villains, had tried to stop it. Even Doctor Destructor had taken a shot at the thing, but it was obvious it wasn't natural as nothing worked.

At least nothing made it worse.

No one has come forward as responsible yet so it was an open question who out of all the people that could control the weather did this. Or even if it was a person. Though it was rare The Heroic Hamster proved that non-sapient animals could have super powers just as easily as humans could.

There was still a chance the hurricane could change course

That I wouldn't be needed.

But it wasn't looking good. I was always the last option, always had to be the last option. I could save people, but not lives. While no life would be lost if I used my power so many lives would be destroyed if that hurricane made landfall.

There was still time. I'd pray, but every deity that was going to intervene already tried and failed.

"It's not going to stop, is it?" The voice was barely more than a whisper, but so loud in the silence. She didn't have any trouble breathing, but all the coughing she's done the past few days have it made hard for her to talk.

"No. I don't think it will." I don't sigh. I can't show weakness or hesitation. Not that I don't want to but ever since I got this power whenever I'm keyed in to use it I just go numb. All the power wonks think it's so that I can make the kill. I wish I just stayed numb all the time but Doctor Hashai keeps convincing me that's not a heathy mindset.

My companion takes a deep breath in and very carefully lets it out slowly so she doesn't trigger another coughing fit. I don't take my eyes off the TV but I can hear the smile from the tone of her voice.

"Then you need to save all those people." I nod, standing and looking down at her. An eight year old girl shouldn't be so frail, she should be out running, playing with friends. But I am very well aware that things are not fair. Even with all of the super medicine we have some things still can't be cured.

"You're a very brave girl Cindy." Just because I can't feel anything doesn't mean I've forgotten how to act like I can. She keeps smiling at me, and it should hurt more than not at all.

I reach out and twist the little nob on her I.V., introducing a powerful sedative to the mix running through her veins.

"Tell mommy and daddy I love then for me please? And I'm sorry I couldn't get better." I wish they could be here for this, but my power didn't work like that. Only one person behind the lever after all.

"You're not to blame at all Cindy, but I'll tell them." She gives a slow nod, her eyes closed and head listing to the side. "You're the real hero in this room." I don't think she heard that part, already asleep.

I wish that could be it, just an overdose and off to an eternal sleep. But we found out the hard way that poisoning was a step too removed. Only four thousand five hundred and fifty-seven people had to die to teach us that lesson. No, I had to be a bit more involved in the matter.

The knife comes free from the sheathe without a sound and I'm skilled enough with it now that it going in is barely more than a whisper and just like that one innocent dead to save countless others.

Officially and legally I just performed an assisted suicide on a terminally ill patient.

Officially.

While I clean the blade I add her name to my mental list. Nineteen names for nineteen people I'll never allow myself to forget. No matter how many more names I have to add to my list I'll not allow myself to forget a single one.

For now though I've got two living people I have to pass a message to and then a teleporter to catch to the west coast.

Cindy asked me to save all those people after all, and I don't want to let her down.

Out of all the superpowers out there, you consider yours the most sadistic; you can save any number of innocent people from death in the face of danger, but to gain that ability, you must kill an innocent person. Named after the infamous moral thought experiment, you are… Trolley Man.

[readjthompson]

Well, since my novelette Cancel Toby Chalmers! (copyright me, now) has been sitting around, completed, for nearly 16 months, I’ve decided to share it for free, until it’s later released as part of a Toby Chalmers collection.

Here are the first three chapters.

Chapter 1

Upon being introduced to new acquaintances, Joseph McCarthy Jr., more often than not, issued the disclaimer, “Don’t worry, my dad wasn’t that Joseph McCarthy. He was liberal to the bone, just like me. He even shook Nelson Mandela’s hand once.”

Askance glances this earned him; few recognized his references. Reluctantly meeting the unsettlingly fervent eyes within Joe’s poached egg countenance, people said, “Oh, uh, nice to meetcha,” and other utterances of that ilk.

Those unfortunate enough to remain within range of the man’s self-satisfied aura would then hear him ask, “So, what do you do?” Preempting their every reply, Joe’d strike his most heroic, fists-to-hips pose and intone, “Me, I’m Transylvoria’s Editor-in-Chief.”

“The horror literature fan magazine?” his current chinwag partner asked. “Didn’t one of your writers get busted for diddlin’ kids or some shit?”

“Oh, we fired that guy months ago. No one really liked him anyway.”

“Huh. Well, here’s your pizza. That’ll be twenty bucks even.”

Cool, the delivery guy respects me so much that he doesn’t want a tip, Joe assumed, sliding a Jackson portrait from his wallet. He tucked it into the collar of his visitor’s Italian flag-striped shirt, grabbed the pizza box from his hands, and slammed the door.

“Uncle Jojo’s got lunch!” he shouted toward the living room. “Extra sardines, just how we like it!”

He retrieved a pair of plates from the cupboard and topped each with three slices. His mouth watered; his stomach rumbled anticipatorily. To the glass-and-chrome dining table he carried the pizza, then a couple of sodas in Jordan Peele-faced mugs.

“Shadrach, get in here!” he shouted, seating himself. “Don’t be a cold fish! Don’t eat one, either.” He washed a chomp down with a hearty swig of Pepsi, as his eight-year-old nephew entered the kitchen.

“Nobody calls me by my full name, Uncle Jojo,” the boy said, climbing onto a stool.

“Nobody plus one,” Joe countered.

Prepubertal hypertrichosis had gifted the boy with a fringe of dark facial hair, just like Joe’s. In fact, the two looked so much alike, many folks assumed that Joe had impregnated his single mother sister to spawn the little bastard. Joe was pretty sure he’d pulled out that one time, though.

“Hey, what happened to your TRANSYLVORIA PRIDE shirt? That cool one I gave you, with the rainbow with fangs? You were wearin’ it this morning.”

Ignoring the question, Shadrach selected a pizza slice and conspicuously began to consume it.

“I’m waiting, young man.”

Shadrach shrugged and said, “It got dirty, so I changed into this one.”

“Dirty? You haven’t set a foot outdoors all weekend.”

“I spilled somethin’ on it.” Now Shadrach wouldn’t meet Joe’s gaze.

“Listen, little buddy, I can tell when you’re lying. And while your mama’s in rehab, I’m the one lookin’ after you. There’ll be no lies in this house. Not now, not ever. Again, I’m asking what happened to your TRANSYLVORIA PRIDE shirt?”

“I took it off.”

“But why ever would you do such a silly thing?”

“I don’t like it.”

“But I approved the design personally. Aren’t you proud of Transylvoria? Aren’t you proud of the 2SLGBTQI+ community? They’ve come so far over the years.”

“I’m a straight white boy, Uncle Jojo. When I wear that shirt, people think I wanna kiss dudes. Hal pinched my wiener at school. I didn’t like it.”

“Oh, Shadrach, Shadrach, Shadrach. First of all, what have I told you about calling yourself ‘white’? Caucasians should refer to themselves as ‘racially challenged’ until we’ve destroyed, then atoned for, white supremacy. And if showing solidarity with marginalized groups makes you a target for the ignorant, then be a proud target.”

“But Hal is gay. Why are you calling him ignorant?”

“That’s not…you’ve got a long way to go intellectually, I’m afraid.”

 

Chapter 2

For years, Toby Chalmers had been plagued by a recurrent dream scenario, wherein he wandered the grounds of an institution that incorporated architecture from every school he’d ever attended—pre-, elementary, middle, high, and even the community college he’d dropped out of. Seeking a math class whose location he’d forgotten, aware that an accumulation of absences made a failing grade likely, he encountered classmates from the past, some of whom were now dead in the real world.

Subsequent awakenings had seen his stomach dread-weighted. How will I explain an F to my parents? he’d wondered, until he reclaimed his place in the linear timestream and realized, Oh, that’s right, I live alone now and my school days are long behind me.

His latest slumber, however (described in slang that’ll likely be outdated by the time this book sees print), hit different. Finally, he found himself seated in the long-sought math class, surrounded by middle schoolers he’d once known, along with a few strangers. Four kids shared each table. Across from Toby was a goth chick he’d once had a crush on: a blonde who’d dressed in the same Victorian mourning dress every day and always smelled of mothballs. In the real world, he’d never spoken so much as a syllable to her. As a matter of fact, before alcoholism seized him in the ninth grade, he’d possessed scant social skills, had spent his free moments alone, reading or watching horror.

The blonde had never spoken to him either, but she did now, in his dream. “Don’t you have your homework?” she asked, tapping her finger upon a sheet of solved equations. Their two other tablemates, a snickering pair of future date rapists, had sheets of their own, ready for grading.

“Uh…I think so. Let me check.” Toby’s old, green JanSport backpack—with its logo torn off, just like he remembered—rested on the floor, beside his left foot. Within it, he discovered not the expected books and binders, but a churning mass of grey rodents. Aware of his scrutiny, they stared and hissed.

Unable to stifle his gasp, Toby inflamed the blonde’s curiosity. “What’s the matter?” she asked, peeking under the table. “Oh, wow, you’d better hide those before you get expelled.”

Their other two tablemates had themselves a look and began giggling. “What’re those for, Toby?” they uttered in unison. “Gonna stick ���em up your ass?”

Ignoring their jibes, Toby eye-swept the room, sliding his gaze athwart whiteboard and posters, students and negative space. His focus soon settled upon the leftward storage drawers, wherein slept calculators, pencils, protractors and worksheets.

The teacher had yet to arrive. Indeed, Toby had time to lug his backpack thereabouts and dump its contents into a drawer. Closing it, glad that no one but his tablemates had paid any attention to him, he then returned to his chair.

Next came a time jump. Many months must’ve passed, because the rats had multiplied exponentially, and now poured from all corners of the campus. Students stumbled about, shrieking, with rodents nibbling at their clothes and pawing at their hair, as Toby wandered the premises, untouched. Seeing terror-warped faces, he wondered if he should feel pity, or guilt, or anything at all, really. Instead, he tried to recall the location of his math classroom.

Another time jump restored normalcy to the institution. Unhurriedly, students and teachers made their way toward their day’s lessons. No longer did Toby recognize a single presence around him. Wondering if he’d ever graduate, if he’d ever make his parents proud, he approached a popular, dark-haired girl whose vulpine voluptuousness diminished those surrounding her.

“Excuse me,” Toby said, “but I seem to be lost here.”

“Well, that’s one way of putting it,” the girl answered, “considering you died all those years ago.”

“Died?”

“Sure did. You’re a legend around these parts now. The Rat King, they call you. All those rodents you set loose here…they had to shut this place down for months.”

Only then did Toby glance down at his body, to see that it was composed not of flesh, but of dozens of grey, squeaking rats, all connected at their tails. “Oh,” he just managed to utter, as his dream dissolved around him.

Within far less interesting flesh, he awakened. His lower back ached, as per usual. Rather than lurch right to the bathroom, as his biology demanded, he chose to remain yet recumbent, reflecting on his phantasmagoria while its edges remained solid in his mind.

Finally, my recurrent dream reached a terminus, he thought. Such a bizarre sense of closure. I’ll probably never again return to those surroundings, never again visit all of those lost-to-time faces. The dead and the dead-to-me, friends and enemies, now nonentities. Should I be melancholic or grateful?

After all of these years, a resolution to my math classroom dilemma. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Does it sense dark times impending? It’s been quite some time since my fiction landed me in any trouble. What madness now awaits me?

 

Chapter 3

When ejaculating his biography to all those within earshot, Joseph McCarthy Jr. would generally say something along the lines of, “After earning my journalism degree from Cameron University, I spent six years reviewing folk music for The Jingle-Jangle Gazette before they elevated me to editor. That lasted for a few years before I decided to fully embrace my love of horror literature. I’ve now been Editor-in-Chief at not one, but two magazines devoted to it.”

The veracity of that last sentence was a bit iffy, however. True, Joe had held that position at both Draculiterary and Transylvoria, but he left out the fact that Transylvoria was just Draculiterary retitled, with the numbering continued.

Over his head honcho tenure, Joe had fired the magazine’s every straight, cisgender white man and replaced them with minorities who didn’t mind being marketed as such in their bylines. “We’re changing our name to Transylvoria to reflect our new policy of inclusivity,” he’d trumpeted. “For far too long, racially challenged, cisgender, penis-having breeders have limited this magazine’s purview. Our new day starts right now, with this issue!” An adulatory echo chamber of social media randos then washed over him. He’d masturbated for hours, ogling himself in the mirror.

“Aside from Stephen King, no more cisgender, male, racially challenged, straight authors will be reviewed here,” he told each new hire. “They’re a link to a racist time in history that our bright, shiny future will pave over.”

Sure, the old guard had raised a fuss, claiming that they’d developed their writing skills over decades and deserved the same regard as the new jacks. All had been shamed on social media by Joe and his acolytes, until the old guard’s publishers had seen no choice but to take those authors’ books out of print and issue press releases announcing their commitment to inclusivity. Suicides had been celebrated in Transylvoria. “So long, massa!” was the slogan used for each incident.

When some of the now-shunned writers revealed that they truly were bigots, calling black authors “illiterate charity cases” and trans authors “even uglier than their purple prose,” those men were labeled the typical, non-Stephen King, cisgender, straight, racially challenged, male author by much of the media. “They want to enslave us all and force us to write Donald Trump fan fiction!” certain diverse, much reposted authors claimed.

Riding this revolutionary wave, denouncing his own race at every opportunity, Joseph McCarthy Jr. gained more and more influence on horror literature. An early proponent of content warnings, he demanded that every published author spoil their entire plot at the start of each story, so that nobody ever be triggered when reading it. “Entitled monsters,” he’d labeled those who’d failed to comply, just as long as they were cisgender, straight, racially challenged, and male. So, too, had his magazine and he assisted in the efforts to change H.P. Lovecraft’s surname to Hatecraft in his fiction’s every reprint. “Bigots don’t get to decide their legacies, we do!” he’d decreed.

Every cisgender, straight, racially challenged male who spoke out against Joe was labeled a Nazi by the man, then his followers. Even their most innocuous social media posts were twisted into hate speech. Top names in the industry denounced them, receiving glowing Transylvoria reviews in exchange.

I’ve gained so much power over horror lit, Joe often thought, when he had time to himself, so why doesn’t my own nephew bow to my wisdom?

* * *

Contemplating the nominees for Transylvoria’s upcoming Vampclusivity Awards—an online ceremony he’d host, as per usual—Joe strode into his living room. Framed signature sheets from books he would never read lined the walls. Otherwise, there wasn’t much to draw the eye, save for a large 4K television perched on a tobacco-shaded stand, facing an autumn-colored velour sofa that seemed half-alive.

Shadrach had never liked that sofa. “It smells funny,” he’d said, “and the cushions are covered with crusty stains. I think mice might be livin’ in it, too.” Rather than sit upon it as he watched TV, he chose to lay on his belly, on the carpet, propped up on his elbows, resting his chin on his palms, bending his neck in a way that looked excruciatingly painful to Joe. Such was the pose that Joe found him in on this day.

A young African American rhymed and cavorted across the TV screen, instructing a group of enthusiastic peers in the art of The Urkel Dance. Red suspenders kept his pants hefted nearly to his chest. Straps kept his glasses from sliding off of his head.

Infuriated, Joe snatched the remote control from his nephew and powered off the TV. “Family Matters!” he shouted. “You know how I feel about Steve Urkel!”

Pouting, Shadrach climbed to his feet and said, “Steve Urkel’s funny as heck, Uncle Jojo. My mom let me watch him all the time.”

Clenching his fists, Joe responded, “Your mama was a bad influence. That’s why she’s in rehab. I’ve told you time and time again that it’s never okay for a racially challenged person to laugh at a black one.”

“But he’s supposed to be laughed at. That’s why they made him funny.”

“We can only laugh with African Americans when they’re making fun of the racially challenged. We can never, never, never laugh at them. Minstrel shows were supposed to be funny, too, once. How would you feel if I put on blackface make-up right now and started performing ‘Jump Jim Crow’ for you?”

“Uh…what?”

“That’s it, young man, I’ve had enough of your ignorance! If your school isn’t gonna teach you about racial tolerance, then I will!”

 

[aloudplace]

Fidelity won 5

Sig leaned back slowly against the headboard, very aware of Loki's eyes on her.

"Why did she tell me all that?" he asked. The rancor was gone from his tone now, at least.

Sig shrugged. "She's a Tolok. Even I don't understand her reasoning most of the time."

"You know something of it."

She looked up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling very, very old. "She's orchestrating."

"Orchestrating what?"

"Who knows. Toloks aren't supposed to directly manipulate time, but she can play her own timeline however she likes–-and by extension, the timelines of anyone whose future is linked to hers; she saw something she wanted to happen and she's orchestrating it.

His silence stretched so long it unnerved her. She drew her legs up close to her chest and draped her arms over her knees. "She won't tell us what it is. Telling changes the outcome."

"How long have you been with her?"

The question was unexpected. She met his gaze. "Five thousand years, give or take."

"Five thousand years," he repeated, with quiet incredulity. "How old are you?"

"Honestly, I don't really know."

He waited.

She sighed. "Eight thousand and some change? Mad would know."

Mad's voice drifted down from the hatch. "Nine thousand four hundred and seventy-six."

"Ever the eavesdropper," Sig smiled weakly.

"Nine and half thousand years," he shook his head. "How is that possible? Asgardians live to six thousand at the outside."

When she didn't respond he said, "But you're only half Asgardian. What's the other half, I wonder?"

Sig tilted her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

"I haven't heard of the Sennak," he murmured. "What do they call themselves now?"

She took a slow breath. Let it out. "Aldur."

Even with her eyes closed, she could sense his shock. "Aldur was destroyed... more than five thousand years ago."

She could almost hear the facts clicking into place in his mind.

"There were survivors," she said dully.

"I see."

The change in his tone made her look at him. His eyes had gone very blue. There was something there that made her heart constrict. Not compassion–-worse than that.

Understanding.

She closed her eyes again.

And then, in a low, rasping whisper, she confessed.

"I burned it."

...

"I'd like to forget this conversation ever happened," Sig said quietly. "Perhaps you could do the same."

"Not likely," he replied. He was staring out the window, thoughts swirling. Lies. Betrayal. Loss. He turned to look at her, forcing a smile. "But I'm fairly good at pretending."

She was still sitting there with her arms over her knees, hands limp. Her head was tilted towards him now. Some of the stiffness had gone out of her demeanor. And all of the anger. Her face was relaxed. Subdued. Amber eyes translucent.

It was like a veil had pulled back inside them. Suddenly he could see it–-thousands of years. Lies. Betrayal. Loss... More.

Resignation.

All of it was there in her eyes.

"You hid it well," he murmured.

Her gaze was steady, almost serene. Her voice soft. "Hid what?"

"Everything. Nine and half thousand years of it."

Her head rolled back to center. She looked up at the ceiling again, blankly. "It doesn't mean anything, you know. Nine thousand years, nine hundred, ninety. We're all children. Forever. Look at Mad. She's over a million years old, and yet she's always orchestrating. Trying to arrange everything. Like a child playing with dolls; trying to manipulate the universe into giving her what she wants." Her gaze returned to him. "We're all selfish. We don't grow out of that. We just learn different ways of rationalizing it."

Loki had no response. Not a single word. His heart suddenly seemed to falter–-its beats to slow, as though it's burdens were too heavy and it had become weary.

After what seemed a long time, Sig let her head roll towards him again, and her lips curved, ever so slightly.

"Hey. You want to get drunk?"

...   ...   ...

"So you don't have to sleep?" Loki swore. "I like sleeping."

"I do have to sleep, just not every day. Or even every three. I never actually counted. I just sort of get tired, and then I lay down and sleep." She handed him the bottle and he propped himself up on his elbows to take a swig. "Same with eating."

"What is this stuff, again?" It tasted like flowers and every mouthful brought on a soaring, effervescent euphoria, followed by a mellow sort of buzz that seemed to soften his very bones. "It's amazing." He handed it back to her.

They were lying flat on their backs, sprawled haphazardly across the bed. Mad sat cross-legged on Sig's left side, watching their exchange with undisguised interest. Sig's right knee rested against Loki's left thigh, his left shoulder brushing her right arm. He couldn't for the life of him remember how they'd ended up in this position.

"I forget what it's called, but it's made on... Yuri? Muri? What is it, Mad?"

"Luria. The seventh moon of Xandar. It's made from night-blooming elderflower. Generally produced for the sacred initiation rights of the Lurian Priestesshood."

"Oooh, I must have done something heinous to get ahold of it," Sig laughed wickedly.

"You don't remember?"

She tilted the bottle to her lips. "Nooope."

Loki had the ridiculous urge to giggle. He repressed it violently.

Mad leaned companionably against Sig's hip. "You won it in a card game."

"Did I really?"

"You said you were saving it for a good day. Or a really bad one."

"Which is this?" Loki asked, taking the bottle as Sig handed it back.

"Good question," Sig said seriously. "I couldn't tell you."

For some reason that sent them both into rolling gales of laughter. Even Mad issued a high, silvery peal of merriment.

And then Sig started singing in a clear, velvety alto.

Fly me to the moon

And let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like

On Jupiter and mars

In other words

Hold my hand.

In other words

Darling kiss me ...

Her voice touched something in him. He felt a low hum of arousal starting–-and something else. That ache again. Bittersweet.

"What is that?" Loki asked when she'd finished.

"Frank Sinatra."

Mad leaned over to look down into Sig's face. "Sing more, my Sigyn."

"Mm. I have a better idea." She hopped up onto her feet with the bottle dangling from one hand. She pointed down at Loki. "How long has it been since you jumped on the bed?"

He frowned. "Why would I jump on a bed?"

Sig's eyes widened dramatically. "Get up. We are jumping on this bed. Right. Now."

"Don't be ridiculous," he said.

Mad was already on her feet. "I will jump with you, my Sigyn."

"Yeah! See," Sig pointed at Mad. "Mad knows where it's at."

"Mad knows what?" he laughed.

"Music!" Sig cried, "Play Frank!"

The console in the table bleeped gently and music poured into the air–-a man with a deep, melodious voice singing:

That's life – that's what people say

You're riding high in April

Shot down in May

But I know I'm gonna change that tune

When I'm back on top, back on top in June

And then the both of them were jumping, jostling Loki unmercifully, singing in breathless, strident voices while he laughed and protested and did his best to avoid getting stomped on.

And when the voice in the song started singing,

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate

A poet, a pawn and a king

I've been up and down and over and out

And I know one thing

Each time I find myself flat on my face

I pick myself up and get back in the race

Sig looked down at him for a heartbeat and grinned. Her hair was a waving, curling mess, and her face was so bloody gorgeous it damned near stopped his heart.

It knocked something loose inside him, somehow. The joy of the moment got tangled up in other things, and he looked up at the two of them, grinning and holding onto each other's arms–-bouncing around like careless children–-and something inside him just quietly...cracked.

For the space of a few heartbeats, he could hardly breathe, and his eyes burned like hell, and if either of them had turned and looked down at him then, they would have seen it. But instead the moment quietly passed, and when it was gone he snatched the bottle from Sig's hand, took a long swig, and then yanked her down onto the bed so he could kiss her and taste her laughter on his tongue.

...   ...   ...

"Is this Earth music?"

"Yeah." Sig said, without looking up. "It's Michael Buble. It was Frank Sinatra earlier."

They'd run out of wine hours ago and the buzz had mostly worn off. Sig had made them tea and Loki was leaning back negligently against the pillows opposite her, sipping from Mad's mug. Sig was perched on the end of the bed, painting her toenails an "obnoxious" shade of purple, as he has so eloquently put it.

"You don't like Earth music?" she asked.

Silence.

"I can actually feel you judging me," she said, applying polish to the third toe of her right foot. "Which is ridiculous, by the way. Earth music is excellent. Also, I happen to have a thing for men with deep, sultry voices."

There was another beat of silence as she realized exactly what she had just admitted, and to whom. She looked up at him.

"Don't give me that smug look. I wasn't talking about you." Her heart was fluttering traitorously.

Loki tilted his head to one side and gave her a sarcastic little smile. Oh, really?

Pointedly ignoring him, she went back to her nails, finishing up the final two toes on her right foot. Pretending she wasn't suddenly bombarded by the memory of his mouth on hers.

Why am I thinking about that? It had been brief enough. Just a momentary glide of lips. Almost chaste. Only...it hadn't felt chaste.

"The Tolok seems to think you find me attractive."

Dammit, Mad. "Oh, since when?"

"We had a little talk while you were sleeping. A few of them. She tells me I'm your 'type.'"

Sig gave him an exaggerated look of disdain. "Her name is Mad, and no. Absolutely incorrect."

"Oh, indeed," he said mockingly.

"Mmhm. Your face, your hair, all of it—just dreadful. And that's to say nothing of your cripplingly unattractive physique."

A beat of silence and then, in that same wry tone. "Charming."

Repressing a ridiculous surge of giddiness, she made a little bow, gesturing elegantly with the wet lacquer brush.

"You are being untruthful."

Loki jumped and Sig nearly knocked over the bottle of polish.

Mad had appeared beside him, her pointed face bright with interest.

"Will you please stop doing that," Loki grated.

Mads glanced down at him. "This is humor," she gestured towards Sig, "When you say untruths to each other. It is considered 'funny.'"

He frowned. "Are you asking, or informing?"

Mad tilted her head quizzically. "I am confirming. Do you find it funny when Sigyn says these things?"

Loki glanced at Sig, eyes glittering with amusement. "You didn't hear me laughing, did you?"

"But sometimes one doesn't laugh at funny things, in order to prolong the joke. Is that not true?" The Tolok looked at Sig. "Sig was amused, yet she did not laugh."

"Toloks don't get humor," Sig explained. "She's been trying to figure it out for ages." To Mad she said, "If you haven't got it yet, I'm inclined to think you never will."

"I am learning," she replied, and then, with a sly smile, "There is still time."

Loki chuckled. Sig pursed her lips. "A time joke from a Tolok. Well done."

"It is the insults and the untruths that confuse me," Mad continued, unphased by Sig's sarcasm. "Why do you find this unkindness amusing?" The last she addressed to Loki.

"I never confirmed that I found it amusing."

"Yet you knew that Sigyn was being funny," Mad insisted.

"She certainly thought she was."

Sig rolled her eyes as she twisted the lid back onto the bottle of nail polish. "I've tried to explain it a hundred times," she said, reaching for her mug.

"'It is called irony,'" Mad quoted. "'When one says the opposite of what one really means.' Sigyn employs irony frequently during flirtation."

Sig choked on her tea and began to cough spasmodically.

They both looked at her. Loki's left brow arched, his lips quirking. She felt her face grow hot. She hadn't blushed in centuries. Centuries!

"I hate you both," she wheezed.

"She also occasionally uses it to avoid expressions of honest feeling," Mad supplied helpfully.

"Ok, I'm done. Goodbye." Sig threw her legs over the edge of the bed and rose to make her exit.

She was trailed by Loki's rich laughter and Mad's voice asking him curiously, "Was that meant to be funny?"

...   ...   ...

He found her on the flight deck an hour later, sitting in the pilot's chair, the lights from the console casting a dim glow across her face. She was staring out at the passing stars.

Mad was below deck, watching some ridiculous Earth television show called "Doctor Who."

"So, is this what you do?" he asked, taking the chair beside her. "What you've been doing the last five thousand years? Drifting across the universe like vagabonds, watching television, listening to music and jumping on the bed?"

She smiled. "More or less."

"Seems..."

"What?"

Idiotic. Pointless. Childish. "Fun."

She arched an eyebrow at his sarcasm. "Better to be a devious, throne usurping, human dominating despot?"

"Oh, you've looked me up. I'm flattered." He grinned. "Despot is a strong word, though. I always thought of myself as a benevolent, if mischievous ruler."

"You're definitely something," she said mildly.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

She rolled her eyes.

"What happens after we arrive at the post?" he asked. "Where will you go?"

"I wouldn't tell you even if I knew, Loki."

He felt a very unwanted sting. "And why is that?"

"I know you were eavesdropping earlier. The less you know, the better it will be for all of us."

"I think I've earned a little honesty here. We're all friends, aren't we?"

Her expression darkened. "Oh, are we?"

He bristled unwillingly. "What exactly have I done to garner such suspicion?"

"You mean besides trying to hack the ship's computer and steal it while I was unconscious?"

He glared. Damn that little witch. "Obviously."

"Loki," she began, rotating her chair to face him, "You don't get it. Your past, your probable futures. All of that was accessible to Mad the moment our timelines crossed."

He stared at her stonily, showing nothing. Hoping that he showed nothing. "I see. So you believe you know me."

"Of course not. I know what you've done. Some of it. Mad couldn't tell me everything even if I asked." She paused, watching his face in the dim light. "People do all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons. You're the God of Mischief. I won't pretend to understand your motives. But we can't trust you. Can we?"

For a long time he didn't answer, and then finally–-angry and oddly relieved at the same time–-he said, "No, you can't."

They looked at each other in the dark for a while, and Loki felt painfully naked under that dark amber stare. But he didn't look away. Couldn't. Hating himself, he simply drank her in.

"It's been fun," she said softly, and he heard the regret in it.

His heart fisted with resentment and a stinging, aching sort of hunger that he didn't want to understand and didn't try.

"It has," he said finally.

[todayisafridaynight]

Tsuma is an INSANE one to start on but also a fantastic one... I think my first was SP so it's so funny we've "traded" those specific shows lmao BUT YEAH. YEAH. I BELIEVE YOU. I'M GONNA BE NORMAL ABOUT KEISUKE BUT NOT ANYTIME SOON. Tsutsumi's Princess Peach lips every time Maida squishes his face 😭😭😭😭😭

The moment outside the school basically condenses everything about the show for me it's so perfect and cute but I'm INTERNALLY SCREAMING AT ALL OF THIS BEING SAID OUT LOUD... PLEASE... YOU'RE GOING TO END UP ANOTHER IMPRISONED TSUTSUMI... He really is SUCH a malewife though that's what destroyed me frame one... especially because he's really similar to how Tsutsumi talks about himself so like perfect casting I hope he had fun with the role... Definitely continuing when I can are you kiddinggggg

Well Hopefully You Still Think AtR's Cute And/Or Sweet Wherever You're At Now So The Rest Of This Isn't Embarrassing LGSKFJLGJ BUT YEAH... YEAH... I'm aro myself so all that's Complicated right, and definitely something I tried to consider when Sorta-Not-Really-Recommending, but it's good to hear it can be entertaining even without being able to relate :']

THAT COULD'VE GONE /WAY/ SOUTH AT THE PANEL but I'm glad everyone made it out unharmed😭😭😭BUT YEAH... at the end of the Ohashi arc when Ogata threw all his stuff off the desk and the gang just wordlessly put it back for him 'cause that's all they can do... ough. Momence. That's why it was so sick watching everything fall into place [temporarily]. Also appreciate the Jo-ism in doing all the dirty work for a politician in the family and wanting to be stopped without saying it upfront and uhhhhh being fine with dying and/or going to prison LMAO

OH BUT NO PROB it is always tradition for me to send the translated letter once I've indoctrinated someone new :] funny thing is every single version I've sent is different because I've been editing it to this day

AGAIN i chose tsuma cause the title was Utterly Insane and i just had to see for myself what the fuck was going on and im so glad i did... funny that we did trade first-watches (and fun that i get 'my own version' of ogata's letter lmao) :)

BUT YEAHYEAH keisuke's adorable.. like genuinely i think he's tsutsumi's cutest role ive seen so far its hard for me to imagine one topping it in regards to how endearing he is (❁´◡`❁) keisuke being so enamored by his wife but being So Blind To How Things Look is genuinely super funny. like poor guy really is just super happy to have his wife back in a way but not yk (╯▽╰;;; )

Horribly i think of okita from that Taboo movie when it comes to consuming media: even if i dont personally have that experience or understand 100%, i can still appreciate a good story and characters (im paraphrasing SO hard and with less homophobia </3), so if you got anythin good throw it my way anytime ♪(´▽｀) !! i'm about to start episode eight in a bit but NO WORRIES i still very much am a fan of the show !! and im sad/excited to see im almost done with it ( sad its almost over, but also SUPER interested to see how everything comes together in the end (☆▽☆) )

[nangamuyo]

2024 ME: Questions that I recently asked myself or questions that I saw on my notebook and then decided to answer some:

Answering these questions after like three years. This is why I love putting out me answering journal prompts or questions because I get to be grateful of where I am today. So here's me and my 2024 self answering:

How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as being kind to others and being kind to myself. Also exploring things just because I can and exploring it with fear in my heart and mind. I surprise myself with all the things I have done here since I moved abroad. I ventured a lot on different situations where I was so afraid and anxious but I pushed through even with fear. They do say that the first thing to courage is stepping in even if you are afraid. That, I think, is what my life motto is these days.

2. Describe one of the best days you have recently?

When we went to Fujairah. It was a road trip and the scenery was just so beautiful and seeing the mountains and trees and camels and donkey (yep, a donkey casually beside the road) was healing. Road trips are very healing especially if you get to see what mother nature has built.

3. List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

I feel happy today because I am excited to read or start a new series. I have been getting into enemies to lovers trope. Read fourth wing but I feel like the romance was too corny. Loved the plot but I wish the main couple was less....corny.

4. How do you feel about your body?

I feel like shit. As usual. It is so weird because I noticed that my watch was fit. It was fit and my watch had an allowance and I was panicking because that meant I gained weight. But it was just sticky thats why it stuck and rush of relief went through me. Still really trying to love my body because every time I look in the mirror, I wish I was thinner. I gained like 10 pounds since I moved abroad but everyday, I teach myself to accept it and lose weight healthily. I always do like crash diets and stuff, but im really preventing that from happening again because I wont let this get in the way of enjoying the moment.

5. Describe a life changing moment.

Moving abroad. Breakup. It was TOUGH. All the plans you thought you will have in the future was destroyed in a single decision. But I feel like it was the best thing that happened to me. The break up happened three months ago. Moved abroad eight months ago and I have grown SO MUCH as a person. I have learned so many experiences and hear life stories from different people. In God's time.

6. What is going well with your life right now?

My job, profession, my relationship with myself, my relationship with my sister, my mom, and communicating with others.

Questions that I recently asked myself or questions that I saw on my notebook and then decided to answer some:

1.       How will you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as someone who’s trying to live in the middle. I’m not hitting rock bottom nor striving for success. Just the barest minimum of living life. I think to myself, maybe I’ll be a corporate slave for the rest of my life because I do not want to start a business, or make myself the CEO. I wanted to be a follower, a slave, for the rest of my life. I don’t have the directions to tell myself where I’m going that is why I am letting others dictate what I should do.

I don’t have anything that I like, nor do anything, in particular. It’s like I’m just here, living, for money, so I can spend it on a temporary happiness until that happiness fades and then I wait for my next paycheck so I can spend it on temporary happiness.

But I know, I should find the purpose of my existence on things that are not too extravagant. Maybe my existence is important because I’ll be a home to some dog I’ve never met or the person who’ll remind things to people. The little responsibilities that I do should probably give me some sort of purpose.

2.       Describe one of the best days you have recently?

My family and I went to a park. We bought food and then ate it in this lot where we parked our car. It was nearby the lake or beach? It was a mixture of it and then we took photos. I had fun because we were all in a good mood and the air was good. It slaps cold air on your face.

3.       List all the things that make you happy today, big or small.

Drive to work

Chips

Watching Netflix

Listening to a new song by a band

Looking out the window

Reminiscing about the times I went out with my boyfriend 4 days ago

4.       How do you feel about your body?

I feel insecure about it all the time. I want to be slim, but then again that process is hard and I get lazy. But I know I’ll get to my target weight someday. I’m eating very little, I don’t even know if these are nutritious anymore which definitely defeats the purpose of slimming down. I feel like if I’m not thin, I’d lose my physical beauty. Feeling hungry seems right and an empty stomach feels pretty.

7. Describe a life changing moment.

When I finally made terms with myself that everyone dies and we won’t see them anymore, ever again. No matter how you ask God or the heavens above to extend your term, or to keep you safe, death will be inevitable if the grim reaper is in front of you. That is why making my decisions are based heavily on death. Will my dead self be grateful about this decision? Will I be able to find peace in this decision on my death bed?

8. What is going well with your life right now?

My family’s relationship. That’s the only thing I’ll say that will be going well without them ever leaving  me. The fact that a relationship could end or friendship could end is still present, so I taught myself to never rely on others especially to people that’s not my family.

[don-daygamerz]

Long Way For Love

Ben Barnes x Reader

Requested by: @marimorena06

Request: Heyy!What about a friends to lovers with ben Barnes? ❤

Warnings: some swearing (I think), descriptions of intimacy (not smut just major fluff)

Word count: 4.4K

Italics - thoughts

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Love occurs in many ways. It can happen on the brightest days or the stormiest nights. It can happen on purpose or by accident. It can even happen through gain or loss. Love is a powerful and enigmatic feeling. It can either build you or destroy you. But did you know that love can sometimes not happen instantly? Yeah…Love can take its sweet time to even be realized. That’s what this story is about. And it began with a young man and a young woman.

The young man was named Benjamin Thomas Barnes but Ben Barnes in short. Catchy right? (It even made the woman blush just thinking about it) And our young fair maiden who would soon be the object of Ben’s affections was none other than (Name) (Middle name) (Surname). Ben had thought to himself of what a sweet name she had…beautiful, actually. The two first met on the set of ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian’. (Name) was an aspiring actress and had landed the role of Selene, sorceress, and protector of Narnia. The two instantly connected and were a great support to one another.

They immediately became fast friends and were happy to share some interests and acting tips through their experiences. Ben was always happy to share with (Name) their love of literature, the classics, art, music, poetry, and so much more.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“So you’re telling me you lied about knowing how to horse ride?” (Name) gave him a shocked but inquisitive look after hearing his confession. The man in question became bashful and wanted the couch he was sitting on to swallow him whole. Why did he have to tell the pretty girl he lied about being a pro at horse riding?

“I wouldn’t say I lied…”

“Oh boy…ha ha ha…I’d like to hear this,” (Name) chuckled at her companion. She needed to hear his hilarious excuse as to what made him think he could get away with such a ‘dark’ secret.

“Ok, ok. Shush…Don’t you want to hear the actual truth?” he asked her.

“You’re right. My apologies, your highness. I did not mean to disrespect you in the slightest,” she said to him in her best posh British accent while giving a mock bow. Which was not bad at all. (Name) was not only an aspiring actress but also dabbled in some voice acting. That was one of the things that fascinated Ben. She was so talented.

After her little antic, Ben could not help but playfully roll his eyes at her. “Anyway…As I was saying,” he continued, “I did not exactly lie…exaggerate is more like it…”

“Oh yeah! You sure did exaggerate it! Ha ha! You basically preached it is what I was told when you did the auditions, ha ha ha!” Ben’s face turned red hearing her say this but he couldn’t stop the smile growing on his face. He thought her laugh was cute and funny…wait, did hear a snort?

“Alright, then when was the last time you rode?”

“Umm�� Last I rode a horse was when I was little…”

“Little how old?”

“Seven or eight, give or take.”

“Benjamin Barnes! You need proper lessons! My god! You’re lucky you made it this far! What if you got hurt?!” she chided him but out of concern after hearing the rest of his truth. Ben just smiled at how worried she became. (Name) was the nurturing type among the cast members. She deeply cared for every single one of them including him.

“I’m alright now, aren’t I?”

“Luck may be your friend right now but there’s no telling when she’ll turn tail and stab you in the back…Uh, Uh, No. You need thorough practice, Mister.” She began to lecture him sternly. Ben was smart, without a doubt, but he was also stubborn.

“I am practicing.”

“Walks and trots are not enough. There are scenes where we have to ride the horses at a much quicker pace. You have to master the canter and gallops.” She was right. He just felt lost and confused at this point. “But not to worry…there’ll be an instructor and specialist. Including me.”

“You? I didn’t peg you for an equestrian.”

“One thing in life you shouldn’t underestimate is how cartoons can influence a child’s decisions and life choices,” she explained to him animatedly. Ben laughed at her delightful nature as she gave him a cute and innocent answer to how she gained the skill.

“Are you serious? You have to be joking,” he leaned in close while placing his elbows on his lap. Ben sat on the couch alone while (Name) opted to sit crisscross applesauce on the carpeted floor by the coffee table.

“Dead serious, my good sir!” she said haughtily to her dashing co-star as she sipped from her glass of wine. Ben just kept chortling after hearing how his ‘new-found’ friend committed to learning a dangerous and tough skill such as horse riding just from watching a cartoon show.

“And, pray tell what animated television show was it that influenced such a young mind to study a perilous skill that is horse riding? Strangely I have a feeling I know what kind of show it is…” he grinned at her mischievously. Both the actors just loved to rile each other up in fits of laughter and joy. (Name) chuckled under her breath before looking up and dead straight into his eyes.

“It was My Little Pony.”

“My Little Pony! Ha ha yes! Girls in my primary school days loved that show.”

“All girls either dreamed to be an equestrian or a magical horse… for me I think it was both.”

Learning these silly things about his ‘newfound’ friend and co-star felt like an interesting and thrilling adventure. He felt like an explorer having discovered something new and exciting. Ben didn’t take into account how he could connect and share with a person like (Name). He was normally reserved but (Name) allowed him to open himself and be at ease.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So yeah that’s how it started with the two. (Name) and Ben started off as friends…good friends actually. It was saddening to know that both actors will have to look elsewhere for open roles in upcoming films/tv shows. But that didn’t diminish their hope of losing their friendship nor contact with one another. From there, they made promises to keep in touch and send support anytime, anywhere. Ben was delighted with how things were going for him in the film industry. He had come a long way and studied hard. He began with minor roles and dabbled in music, and finally, his talent and skills were recognized.

As for our lovely (Name)? Things were also looking good for her as well. Her performance (though a minor role she had played) in Narnia astonished viewers…critiques and gave way to more opportunities for the young actress. Busy schedules, signings, interviews, making appearances, promotion of brands, and so on; this was just the beginning for the two rising but underrated stars. Not at all did it dwindle their connection…only made it stronger. All in all, they always made the time to call one another.

At the start, it was a friendship, yes. But it became more personal for the two. Secrets were shared. Families and siblings were introduced. Insecurities were confessed to one another. A lot of meaningful things were made between Ben and (Name). It was obvious to everyone around them including their families that the two were meant to be. The Barnes family adored (Name) for her selfless and kind nature towards their eldest son. And the (Surname) family was grateful to Ben for looking after their daughter in the film industry. The Barnes were also thankful for how she was patient and respectful of their son’s nature.

You know…when (Name) was first introduced to his family, they actually had mistaken her for his girlfriend. Their chemistry was good…really good that it really misguided them into believing that they were dating. But Ben’s mother knew him well. He was deeply infatuated with her. And he didn’t even know it. After a nice hearty meal in the Barnes household, Mrs. Barnes didn’t have to look further through her analytical eyes as she gazed upon her son talking so animatedly with the sweet girl.

From then on, she’d come to the conclusion that this young lady right here sitting before her was meant to be with her son. Another thing to add, the woman wasn’t getting any younger…she wanted some grandbabies.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Support was given, secrets were shared, jokes were exchanged, and so much more. The friendship grew and strengthened, and it became apparent in the eyes of everyone how Ben and (Name) adored one another. But it became so frustrating how neither one of them took the initiative to confess to one another. Yeah, they liked each other, without a doubt. Okay, that’s a bit of an understatement so let me clarify it, Ben and (Name) genuinely loved each other (secretly and unknowingly).

However, despite the close relationship they held, they still both led different lives and hence went on different paths. (Name) would be occupied in some part of the US for a TV series and Ben would be in another part of the US in a studio working on his movie. All in all, they were busy with their schedules, interviews, and promotions.

In addition, Ben was a dashing and charming fellow so it was no surprise he was not single most of the time. He would date different girls here and there. Some he met through mutual friends and some he worked with. The relationships didn’t last long but (Name) felt she could not compare to these beautiful and striking women that caught her best friend’s eye.

Now she didn’t think less of herself. No, not one bit. She loved herself and all that she was. Her attitude was basically ‘Fuck you! My body, my choice, and besides I doubt you can handle all this!’ Oh yeah, total badass. But the point was she felt she could never fit herself in Ben’s heart. Of course, there would be some insecurities like; Was she not enough? Will she ever be enough? Does he ever see her as beautiful? Do you think he would feel the same way as she did about him?

I guess she would never know. So she lets fear cloud her thoughts and convinces her to bury those feelings deep inside and lock them away. It was better this way, she would tell herself, better to hide than leave with a broken heart and a destroyed friendship.

As for Ben’s case, he was also cooped up with his own schedule and the interviews but he always had something occupying his mind or rather someone. That, someone, was, of course, (Name). Why? Well, he wondered if she was doing okay... if she got the role she was auditioning for... if she got the package he sent her... or if was it too much. He did recall how much she enjoys candy from the UK, so he thought why not send her a box of candy.

His head wasn’t just occupied with her but his heart too. Ben couldn’t ignore how fast his heart was beating at the thought of (Name). Even with all women he has dated in his life, he always compared them to her. She was everything they weren’t. She was everything that he looked for in a woman. She was just everything and he loved it.

Yes, Ben Barnes was deeply infatuated with (Name) (Surname). And that infatuation would remain a secret for… who knows how long. Ben didn’t want to risk the chance of getting rejected and losing their friendship altogether. He couldn’t imagine losing her. He would not dare be reckless with his feelings either. But deep down… Ben wishes (Name) would one day return his feelings, so, in the meantime, he’ll just keep it all inside whilst he cherished his time with (Name) as being her best friend.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

One of the many things both the actors shared their love and joy in, was celebrating the holidays. Sure at first, these special occasions would be celebrated with close loved ones such as their families and long-time childhood friends. But it had gotten to a point in their lives that their friendship became…how to describe it…wholesome? Amazing? Fun? No, it was UNIQUE.

Ben and (Name) may have had their own circles of friends and companions but when it came to just the two of them…Things were just different really. But in a good way. And with how their friendship felt ‘unique’, many of their cherished moments included sharing some of the holidays.

It was late December but only one day before Christmas Eve. The sky was dim and cloudy as a shower of snowflakes descended upon the white blankets that covered mother earth. Our beloved (Name) (Surname) was currently settled in Ben’s humble abode and getting comfortable in the kitchen. Earlier, the young lad had received word that his old friend, (Name), was in his area and without a moment to lose nor a chance to forgo, called the actress to come over and celebrate the holiday with him.

Well, actually in truth, it may have slipped out as they were catching up over the phone. It started off as a light conversation. (Name) had come to England very early December to visit her cousin and attend an engagement party. During their chat, Ben had thought to himself of how it would be wonderful if she spent the winter holiday with him for the first time. What he hadn’t realized then was that he had voiced out his own thought. Of course, (Name) heard him. She said yes after all. What neither could tell as they spoke on the phone was how Ben was so flushed and red in the face, and how (Name) could not stop smiling to the point her cheeks hurt.

The two were filled with giddiness and glee at the prospect of spending this merry occasion with one another.

(Name) had taken up the duty of baking and was now occupied with rolling the cinnamon-sprinkled dough while mischievous and quite secretive Ben was trying to be sneaky in licking the sugary frosting. He was excited to finally eat some of his friend’s food once again. It was always a treat for him when (Name) pulled out her cooking skills and introduced her ethnic foods to him. It was actually both a treat and a learning experience for him.  

A fond memory to look back on was the first time they cooked together 9It was the first time (Name) had been to his home. She was so flustered that day but happy nonetheless that Ben was opening himself to her. It made their friendship so genuine). (Name) had quite the adorable shocked look on her face when she realized her British BFF did not always season his food properly. Well, he did. Just only salt and pepper. And if he felt like going crazy then a dash of paprika.

“Seriously? That’s a dash? More like dandruff,” she had teased him but he would pipe back saying, “I can’t help it! Don’t judge me!”

“You’re lucky you have me at your side, you uncultured Brit. That palate of yours needs some awakening. You, my handsome fellow need to have a taste of flavor!”

“You think I’m handsome?” he smirked at her which made her blush profusely.

“Ah-ah don’t change the subject! I’m here to teach you and you will thank me in the future.” Nice save, (Name), way to draw his attention away from that compliment you blurted out.

Then again, now that she looked at him closely. Ben was really handsome. He had such an adorable, infectious smile, dark alluring eyes, smooth luscious hair (which she envied so much, I mean have you seen his hair?!), and those lips…so pink, so soft, and kissable- ‘What the hell is wrong with me?! I can’t have these kinds of thoughts about my best friend! Not even, Ben!’

(Name) never saw Ben for his looks but for his personality. She found him to be kind, brilliant, humble, compassionate, caring, genuine, and… gosh, she could go on and on about the great things she sees in him. In the end, (Name) could not deny the truth…and the truth was that she was falling harder for the young actor, day by day.

“You feeling alright, love?” Ben interrupted her train of thought. Seems like she was spaced out there as her mind walked through memory lane. Now back to the present, (Name) looked back to the man that held her heart without his knowledge, and… Wait a second! Is that white frosting at the corner of his lip?! All of a sudden, (Name) boldly swiped her thumb at the corner of his lips picking the bit of frosting and bringing it into his line of sight to playfully reprimand him for his actions.

This caught Ben off guard and brought sweet chills down his back when (Name) touched him briefly. But then his eyes saw how she grumpily looked at him like he was a wanted criminal. God, did she look so adorable. He almost laughed at how she pouted so cutely like an angry chipmunk.

“Ha ha, you caught me,” he told her with hands slightly raised in surrender.

“Mhm, seriously, Barnes. What am I going to do with you?” she questioned him.

“Love me unconditionally? Cuz I think we’re low on frosting…” he trailed off nervously with a mischievous grin on his face that showed no regret in his actions. (Name)’s eyes widened slightly and looked to the bowl that held the concoction of her grandmother’s frosting.

“Ooh you dang little Brit…” she then dabbed her frosting coating thumb on his nose which made him chuckle at her reaction. “Oh well, I wouldn’t say little…” Ben replied naughtily going off perversely which made the woman blush at the thought of it which made the man chortle at her embarrassed reaction.

“Oh-Oh-you… You know what, out! Out! I need to finish this before your parents come over!”

“Are you seriously kicking me out of my kitchen?!” he laughed.

“Yes, yes I am! Because somebody keeps eating the ingredients!”

Ben just kept laughing as he let her push him out through the kitchen door but then paused as he looked up. “Oh look, mistletoe,” he pointed out. This caused (Name) to halt her movements and look up as well. And indeed, there was a mistletoe hanging at the entrance of the kitchen door. Huh, how did she miss that? Suddenly there was a stillness in the air as they both had come to the realization of what being under the mistletoe meant.

Ben’s thoughts of kissing (Name) right there and now but the risk of ruining the friendship and making things awkward between the two caused him to reel in the chance of doing so. He deeply cared for her and he would never dare try to drive her away nor scare her because he held feelings for her. He turned his body towards her and saw her staring at the mistletoe in deep thought and wonder.

She looked back at him and immediately their eyes connected. And suddenly, the world around them began to disappear and it was just them and them alone. It felt like being in a foggy dream. Ben and (Name) stood before each other staring at each other for long until Ben spoke, “Shou-should we… you know...” he barely formed his sentence but (Name) was quick to understand what he meant.

Hold on! Did Ben perhaps gesture that they commit the mistletoe tradition?! Was he serious?! So many thoughts ran through the woman’s mind. “I-I mean… It is tradition… I-If that’s what you want…” she herself found it hard to speak as well. Here she was, in front of the man that held her heart and the way he was looking at her... His face and expression held such a soft, sweet, loving, captivated look.

They coincidently held a reoccurring thought… ‘If I do this… there’s no turning back.’ Their faces then leaned in closer till they could feel each other’s warm breaths and signature perfumes. Ben smelt sweet yet woody whilst (Name) smelt fruity and fresh. Not too long did their lips collide and a passionate feeling burst between the two.

As their lips touched, they went back to recall all of their relationships and past experiences of kissing other people… none of them could compare to what they were doing. Ben felt so happy right then and there that he pushed himself to kiss the girl he’s always dreamed about and (Name) felt other bliss being in Ben’s arms as his lips caressed hers. He was tender yet passionate. The two had to pull away to regain oxygen and finally face the reality of the situation they put themselves in. As they pulled away from one another, Ben still kept his arms around (Name) while she had hers around his neck.

It had dawned on them that their kiss was so… real and intimate that their bodies were brought closer till they were intertwined. Ben began to smile and chuckled which confused (Name) and at the same time scared her into thinking Ben was playing for her fool but what he said next changed everything.

“I- I’m not going to lie and say that wasn’t the best I’ve had since ever…I-I don’t regret what I’ve done, (Name), I don’t,” he confessed to her seriously. She began to pipe in but Ben placed his finger on her lips to give him a moment to finish what he started. “Let me explain, please…” She nodded back and let him continue.

“I don’t regret kissing you, (Name). Not one bit. In fact, I’ve been dreaming since the moment I met you to kiss you… but not what we did back when we filmed Narnia… but out here… in real life… I’ve always held feelings for you, for so long. Too long, actually. I love the way smile, the way you laugh and cry at cat videos…”

That last bit made (Name) giggle for it was true. She both loved and nurtured felines. Ben smiled at her reaction and it gave him the boost of confidence to further his confession.

“…I love how spontaneous you are, how smart… and talented you are, it’s amazing what you’re really capable of, and I really admire that about you… I am in love with you, (Name) (Surname).” He finally said the last part he craved to tell her for years throughout their friendship yet it came out shakily as he feared her reaction to his confession.

But wait…was she…smiling at him and…were those tears?! Oh no! Did Ben screw up their friendship?!

“Ha ha… oh Ben… and here I thought I was the only fool in love with their best friend…” she cried happily to him. Ben let out a huge breath of relief. He smiled through his own tears back at her as he cupped her face to wipe off her tears that trailed down her cheeks. She was too beautiful to cry even though they were happy tears.

“I love you, Ben Barnes. Always have, haha. My god, it’s really happening! I love the way your eyes light up when you- when you’re happy, I love the way you laugh, I love you’re enviously but beautiful hair… God! For a man that uses one product for every part of his body, he still looks good!”

Ben began to laugh uncontrollably at her comment about his hair. (Name) would sometimes mention how it was unfair that men would only have to rely on one product to apply on all parts of the body and yet come out smoother than a baby’s bottom.

“…what it’s true! Anyway, where was I… ah yes, the hair. Love your hair, I also love your passion for music, in fact, I love how you sing Ben…”

Now, this caught him off guard. Ben had been open to her about his dream to one day release his own music but he didn’t think (Name) believed in him.

“You are so talented, so smart, so authentic, so… you’re amazing Ben. I wish you would see yourself the way I see you… And that’s why I love you,” she gave her confession.

Ben was left awestruck by her words and just like always she always left him speechless. “It took us a long time to tell this to each other…” he said to her breathlessly.

“Years of agony of loving in the dark and the fear of rejection… it’s over… I can finally show you my affections in the open, right?” she asked him.

Ben tucked in a stray strand of her luscious locks that smelled of lavender before looking deep into her eyes, “No more hiding. It’s all out in the open.”

“So what’s next?” She was now confused and felt no need to leave the warmth of his embrace, “What does this mean for us?” (Name) wanted to understand further about the change of their relationship and all the changes that would come with it.

“It means… that we become what we’ve always wanted… more than friends…”

“I like that but… what if things ever go south…”

“Not possible,” he said it in an earnest tone.

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because you’re all I’ve been looking for all along.” This made her smile and she leaned into his arms as they hugged like two long-lost lovers who finally found each other once again.

“Ha ha ha, Hah! I love you, Sirius Black,” she said to him playfully.

“You are never going to cease to let me live that down, are you?” he rolled his eyes at her.

“Nope!”

It wasn’t that long ago when Ben learned that Harry Potter fans imagined him or declared him to be the young Sirius Black of the Marauders fandom. Not only that, he was one time asked to take pictures with a Gryffindor tie.

“You can also be quite cheeky, huh. But that’s what I love about you… Sundance…” he said the last part with a smirk that caught her off guard.

“How did you-?!”

“How could I forget that My Little Pony manipulated you into becoming an equestrian… and you only get Sundance merch, ha ha ha.”

“Ahh!”

“What?! It’s adorable!”

Yup, those two were meant to be.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's note:

Hi @marimorena06 I really want to say I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for your request to be fulfilled. I'm aware you gave your request last year (2021) on November. I thought I was confident in taking requests but was overwhelmed with the list of replies (I'm not mad). I'm disappointed in myself in being slow but I'm happy to finally be done with all the requests that were sent to me. Though I think you deserve all of my sincerest apologies for having to wait the longest. So I decided to put all of my mind and heart into this fic and spice it up with so much love, details, short stories, and some humor.

It took me long and hard but I managed. I've come to the realization I don't do well with deadlines so I'm taking a break from accepting requests until I'm a pro at this. All those fandom writers who deal and accept with a lot of tumblr fic requests have my deepest respect. I only had a few and I barely managed. I didn't want to disappoint, I had writer's block many times, I was busy at home, looking for jobs (it is so hard to find), I was so sick (I'm not saying I had the hardest time), and my laptop sucks (like really sucks... I've had it for nearly 10 years).

So my apologies to you and to everyone else that was anticipating this fic. I hope it meets your expectations and that it brings you joy. And again thank you for your request it was so sweet of you to ask me, a newbie, to bring your idea to life. You can request again once I'm available. Right now I'll be going through some changes and introducing new content. Thank you once again, I hope you had a good holiday and happy new year to you and everyone else. And thank you for the support.

Taglist:

@marimorena06 @itzzzzcookie @s0-theking @s1xthirty @sagejames @fromgreytoyellow @esther334 @airsummoner @memymfselfandi @gweaswift @supernaturallover2002 @veganismbymelaniecavill @eginv-blog @fakehappy27 @ivymiriiu @bruxa0007 @jessevans @maregomes @dxvanadeline @lorenshmidt @mandybug39 @lovesssss @enchantingeggslimepeanut @nana-licious @rheathesimp @darlingangel-17 @edithsvoice @lewisroscoelove @calimoi

[sashi-ya]

Hiya ! If requests are still open for this week could I ask for Marco with a tiny fem!s/o with a size kink ??? Thank you so much and hope you’re having a great day 💕💕💕

Hi darling!! Of course! I hope you like it ♥ Thank u for your request and all of the support! Have a great weekend ♥ ~

NSFW ~ Marco x F! Tiny! Reader ~ You Are So Tight For Me ~

TW: NSFW. Size kink. Best friends to lovers. Sex at a party. Unprotected sex. Kind of rough sex.

WC: 1.7K

Tag list: @undercoverweeeb @mistyroselove

Marco and you have always been good friends, really good friends. You love him as much as he loves you, yet, you too never ever had any romantic or sexual interaction before. You are so close, people usually think you two are a couple, yet you aren’t. Still…

You > Oiiii pineapple birb, are you up for tonight’s party at Izo’s? Pineapple Birb > Oi Tontatta, yeah. Be ready at 8.

“Tontatta? What does he mean with “Tontatta”??... OH…” you say while throwing the phone to the bed and realizing he was mocking you by your short height. “You fucking giant pineapple…” you grunt as you enter the shower.

-----

The sound of Marco’s pick up horn announces he is already waiting for you outside. You take your bag and keys and head out.

“G’Night” you say, struggling to enter the vehicle. “Why the hell did he buy such a big car?” you think while stretching your arm to close the door. Of course, you fail in the first attempt so the doctor bends over you and closes the door. Marco is not huge but compared to you it’s pretty big. He pats your lap, strongly, laughing. “Why the hell are you so tiny?” he says. And you can’t help but squirm a little on the seat thinking about his huge hand over your thigh in a friendly way that you wish was with other intentions.

Rolling your eyes you tell him to stop making fun of you and start driving. “Fineee” he says and hits the gas. Music blasting suddenly makes you forget about the touch of his hand over your thigh and you two sing -shout- “Good 4 U” by Olivia Rodrigo.

Marco parks over Izo’s house. He descends the pick-up and helps you. “Jump to pappa” he says, laughing. You frown and burn holes into his eyes. “Shut up” you say as he snatches you from under your shoulders and puts you down on the street. You are surprised, he has never helped you like this. Still, you act annoyed, “Who does he think he is to treat me like this?” you think.

Walking towards the door, you can see from the window the shadow of a boy wearing a straw hat running around. “Luffy” Marco and you say, laughing.

The night goes by with alcohol and food, so much food. Sanji cooked the equivalent of three full restaurants just for you -specially Luffy-. Everybody is a little tipsy, and so do you. Kiku, Izo’s sister, comes up with the idea of watching a horror movie. Everybody, except Chopper and Usopp agreed. Law and Robin decided the title, and oh boy, that was gore…

The boys set up the projector, and everybody takes his place. Sanji and Zoro begin fighting because apparently, they were “too close to each other” on the couch. Everybody look at them thinking the same, “why the fuck do you sit together if you don’t want to be close?” but then all of you remember they haven’t still figured out how much they love each other. So, for the sake of the group’s peace, Marco suggests that you could sit over his lap, and so they will have more room.

You agree instantly and sit over Marco’s legs. Your back laying over his chest. You are so used to him that this doesn’t represent a problem for you. But then, Marco snakes his arms around your waist and presses you tight against his lap. “What is this boy playing tonight?” you think.

Somehow, the idea of feeling so tiny, so squeezed against his body is making your core feel a little… fancy.

The movie starts, and so far, you haven’t gotten scared until the murderer appears out of nowhere and stabs the victim from his back. You jump over Marco’s lap, so suddenly that he also gets scared. “Shh” he whispers in your ear. A shiver runs through your spine, as you feel Marco’s warm breath on your neck. “Sorry…” you excuse yourself. “It’s ok” he says, and rests his chin over your shoulder, squeezing your waist even tighter. You gasp and fidget your ass over his groin. “Fuck it, he wants me” you think. And indeed, you feel how a hard -huge- bulge grows under your bottom… All of a sudden, a different movie plays on your head, the idea of him fucking you with his huge member makes you wet, so wet.

You start to act scared with every little scene, and with that, a little hump over him that makes his member grow harder and harder. No one will notice, everything is dark, they are all into the movie. And with the last little jump, Marco has had enough “Stop doing that or I’ll have to fuck you right here in front of our friends” he whispers. You swallow, you wanted to turn him on, but you’ve never expected he would be so straightforward to you.

You slowly turn around your face, his nose touching your cheek. “Then fuck me if you dare” you tell him. A sexy side smirk draws on his lips, and his hands pressed your lower belly so your sex could feel perfectly how hard he is. You realize you are probably gonna have a big time when taking him all inside, and that fans the fire inside you. “I’m gonna go to the restroom” you tell him, with an inviting grin. He lets go of you, and you walk upstairs.

A few minutes later, the bathroom opens and Marco looks at you up and down, scanning you with lustful eyes. You sexily take your jacket off and let it fall to the ground. He closes the door behind him and walks steadily towards you.

His right hand squeezes your throat. His left leg in between your legs, lifting you up as your back is pressed against the cold tiles of the bathroom. “Come on, hump over my leg now” Marco says. You try to gasp for air and do as he tells you to. You rub your sex against his thigh, your legs hang at each side. He is so big compared to you…

He then grabs you by your waist and sits you over the bathroom counter. You spread your legs, so he can come closer. His mouth invades yours, lustfully, feral. This felt way better than the times you’ve dreamt of it.

When he is satisfied with the taste of your mouth, he lifts you up. You cross your legs around his waist and Marco carries you to the next room. Who knows whose room it is? but you don’t care… He throws you to bed, you lay on your back while he unbuttons his white shirt. You enjoy the show of the big man in front of you, your body begs to be destroyed, to be fucked.

“Marco…” you mumble. “Hm?” he asks. “Fuck me, rough” you tell him. “You sure? I’m afraid I’ll destroy your insides” he says while leaning over you, already taking off your pants. “That’s exactly what I want” you say and bite your lip. “You little whore” he says laughing and pounces into you.

He bites your neck; you carve your nails on his back. His huge hands take off your shirt, exposing your perfect body to him. “God, why are you so tiny? I’m gonna rip you” he says, with one of your nipples on his mouth. You moan as his tongue wets your breasts.

He then traces a path of wet smooches from your tits towards your sex. He licks and kisses your hot skin, and you squirm. Yet, you are anxious to see his member, you’ve been wanting to see that huge dick in front and inside you for so long…

A finger enters your sex. “Oh, even my finger feels tight inside you… I wonder how I am gonna fuck your little cunt?” he asks, and that turns you so fucking much, he has no idea. Then, the second finger in. Slowly, but surely you dilate enough -or so that’s what you thought- to receive his shaft.

“I think I can manage to fuck you like this” Marco says while lowers the zipper of his jeans. You swallow, you want it inside now. He finally flashes his eight inches dick to you. You widen your eyes and he notices it. “Are you sure?” he asks. “Fucking destroy me, Marco” you tell him, delighted by the huge member in front of your eyes.

“Sure, my dear” he says, and aligns the tip of his dick with your entrance. You are so wet that it slides perfectly and even if Marco tries to hold back not to hurt you, he can’t take it any longer. Soon, he is balls deep inside you. You whine, loud enough for the whole house to hear you. “Shhh, little whore” he shushes you and covers your mouth with his hand.

You feel your walls stretch, they burn, but you love it. A bulge forms in your lower stomach whenever he is deep inside you, you watch it and the image makes both of you extremely aroused. He is indeed destroying your tiny body, and you are enjoying every single moment of it.

And after intense thrusts, your insides clenches around him as you are ready to fall into an intense orgasm. “Mhh babe… you are so tight. Even after fucking you so much” Marco whines. You moan as the last deep plunges send you to climax heaven. You squirt on the base of his dick, so hard, relieving the pressure, biting Marco’s shoulder.

He does the same a few seconds after, and he does not back off until your insides get filled fully with his warm seed…

“So, are we dating now?” he finally speaks, while resting after an amazing fuck. “Well, yeah, finally” you tell him and laugh soundly. Everybody knew that, except you two…

“We should come back, don’t you think?” you say. “I hope they didn’t hear us…” Marco tells you kissing your forehead… ♥ ~

[chrysalispen]

Prompt #3: Temper

AO3 LINK HERE

Spoilers for 6.0 up through “Personae non Gratae.”

Fill below the cut.

====

For the second time in the last eight years she stood in the detritus of a liminal space and thought:

I have returned, and there is nothing here for me.

Her memories of her childhood were far more fond, but her memories of Garlemald were more recent. Thus Aurelia Laskaris could still remember that single moment of clarity she'd experienced before she'd departed the capital, standing on the steps that descended into the Tertium subway station.

Naught in particular had caught her attention that day, really. It had been little more than a passing thought, one as intrusive as the loud chatter and the impatient shoves of crowds making their way to the surface from the platform. The scents of chicken stock and beets and fresh dill and frying onions from the food kiosks. The faint screech of brakes as a train's engine cycled to a stop and the hiss of opening doors. People spilling out of passenger cars in their woolen scarves and headwear and heavy overcoats, a brief and unremarkable interlude that was part and parcel of their daily commutes into the capital: businessmen, soldiers on leave, mothers with children in tow. Academy students like herself on their way home or out to Laterum for the weekend.

If she shut her eyes and listened hard enough she could even still hear the faceless announcer's bland contralto through the silent speakers warning passengers not to leave any personal items unattended.

Had Aurelia remained in the city, perhaps she would have been one of those young mothers carrying a babe in her arms. Or if she'd returned from her tour and managed to defy her uncle's wishes, a medicus or an Academy researcher caught betwixt obligation and empty ambition. Tired and cold and hungry after a long day's work and making a beeline for a nearby kiosk to grab a cup of borscht or a small box of pelmeni, something to warm her belly before boarding the Via Alta express line into the upper wards.

In any case, it had struck her at the time how mundane it all was. Twenty-two winters and trapped in her family home with little hope of escape from the life they had envisioned for her, Aurelia had despised it. She had thought this would be her life forever and like a wild fox trammeled in a hutch, little more than a rich man's trophy, she had sought only to leave it all behind her -- for good, with any luck.

She had bid Garlemald goodbye with a sort of resentful satisfaction, almost gleefully so.

Maxima Priscus and the Ilsabard contingent's hopeful expectations were admirable, if tempered in her own mind by lingering cynicism. But even she had been possessed of an underlying and unshakeable certainty that the capital itself was impenetrable.

Watching the open fear and hostility of her countrymen she was ashamed to admit to herself how easy it was to let oneself become complacent, accustomed to the soul-destroying erosion of a place like Garlemald through the tedious grind of simple survival. For every self-identified patriot made content through the rallying cry of ‘dolce et decorum est pro patria mori,’ there was another soul discontent with their lot. As opposed as those viewpoints might be, both would still assume and accept that this dreary, monotonous routine was simply the way of things.

Nero had believed as she had- Aurelia knew she was no exception. Mislike it or embrace it, the Empire was the Empire. They had lived under its influence for all of their lives for better or worse, and the measure of its might and reach alike had seemed so all-encompassing that in their heart of hearts even its defectors doubted it would or could ever truly change.

Yet it seemed they were mistaken. The Empire was not the Empire, not any longer. Garlemald was no more immune to internecine strife and civil war and the other destructive vagaries of man's nature than the peoples it had sought to conquer, and as for its much-touted motto of unity through peace--

That was as much a shambling shell of itself as the mindless thralls moaning their endless praises in the broken streets above.

Out of everything somehow the radio was the worst part of it all. The thin and metallic ring of recorded piano and accordion, the mournful warbling tenor-- these things were no comfort. They drowned out the hushed whispers and sobs of the desperate and dying with a litany of self-pitying bitterness and sorrow.

Like a distress call from a sinking ship, it was all any of them had heard since setting foot past the Magna Glacies. Aurelia wished someone would just turn the bloody thing off. Even the sounds of the winter storm outside would be a mercy. There was no future for the nation she saw now. It lay prostrate in its coffin, wrapped in the pitiful and tattered remnants of its petard, with its only epitaph that chorus crying 'Home beyond the horizon' like a supplication.

The constant refrain did nothing to dispel her disquietude but she knew very well that there was nothing to be done for it. She couldn't risk harm to the twins and she had no doubt her own actions were being monitored just as closely. All she could do was try and ignore it as best she could. That, and the terrible crawling of gooseflesh up and down her spine, a manifestation of her own creeping worry - only growing stronger over time - that she was missing something important.

She shivered and knew it did not come from the cold.

Without, the endless cry of the wind and the slap of sleet against the outer walls, punctuated by the odd scream. At least the storm had muffled the worst cries and screams of the capital's surviving enthralled - or rather, Aurelia hoped that was all it was. In the meantime, the people trapped down here needed her help. Whether they wanted it or not was immaterial.

She took a deep breath and shouldered her kit, then began to make her way into the dark and frozen bowel of the station.