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natequarter · 9 months ago

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The earl benefited by the slow but sure recovery of some of his lost lands and property in East Anglia, his wealth augmented by gifts from a now grateful but ailing monarch.18 Among a considerable parcel of manors acquired in 1507 was that of the former Mowbray possession of Kenninghall, a small village midway between Thetford and Norwich, where his son Thomas constructed a substantial palace of seventy rooms.19 By 1506, Surrey had built up property holdings with an annual net income of £1,200, or well over £500,000 at 2009 cash equivalents.20

He was involved in negotiations concerning the marriage of the Spanish princess Catherine of Aragon to Prince Arthur on 14 November 1501 and was in charge of arrangements for Arthur’s funeral after his premature death on 2 April 1502. The following year, he escorted Henry VII’s fourteen-year-old daughter Margaret to Scotland for her marriage to James IV, and had the honour of giving away the bride, dressed in a gown of cloth of gold, in the chapel of Holyrood House, Edinburgh, on 8 August.21

Surrey was appointed one of the executors of the king’s will, and, a few days before his death from chronic pulmonary tuberculosis22 on 21 April 1509 at Richmond Palace, Henry VII suffered a rare attack of conscience. He restored all Surrey’s lands, lost him by attainder twenty-four years before, as a mark of appreciation for his loyal service.23 It was a crowning moment for the royal servant: after the defeat at Bosworth and the black despair of his incarceration in the Tower, all his hopes and dreams of the intervening years had at last been fulfilled.

this is from a different book, but if anything that proves my point - if henry vii "suffered a rare attack of conscience", what are we to make of the many occasions on which he let surrey, a known traitor and former ricardian loyalist, regain his position? what, indeed, are we to make of him restoring surrey to all his lands or even giving surrey back his earldom in the first place?

After the disaster of Bosworth and his imprisonment in the Tower, Howard was released in early 1489 by Henry VII, and the attainder for treason against him was reversed on 3 March that year by Parliament - although most of the lands he had lost were cannily withheld until he could demonstrate fully his loyalty to the crown.3 In May, however, he celebrated his restoration to the title of Earl of Surrey.

i don't know! it's not without its strategic points - surrey was a useful ally and was not immediately rewarded - but he was rewarded nonetheless, and only three years after bosworth at that! it hardly seems like a rare moment of gratitude from henry vii - rather a repeat willingness to reward a loyal agent of the crown. to once again quote lucy wooding:

The verdict on Henry VII’s avarice enshrined in Vergil’s history was to be the basis for nearly every other sixteenth-century account.17 Henry VIII’s very first piece of legislation was a general pardon, which suggested that from now on, justice would be done and men would be able to live and work in peace, without any of the ‘rigour’ with which they had previously been ‘vexed’.18 Copies of this pardon were printed and distributed within twenty-four hours of it being signed, a slick deployment of print technology. Other utterances reinforced the message. At Henry VII’s funeral in St Paul’s, John Fisher praised him for keeping his land ‘many a daye in pease and tranquyllyte’, but recalled what Henry had said during his last Lenten confession, when he promised ‘a true reformacyon of all them that were offycers and ministres of his lawes’, so that justice henceforth ‘truly and indyfferently myght be executed in all causes’. This was language which, perhaps intentionally, echoed the terms of the general pardon.19 In this skilful piece of oratory, Fisher carefully shredded the dead king’s reputation under the guise of reverent commemoration. He held Henry accountable for injustice, corruption and persecution, although Fisher praised the old king’s resolve at the last to become ‘a newe chaunged man’.20 Henry had wept for three quarters of an hour, Fisher recalled, when receiving the sacrament of penance. In his eagerness to emphasise the king’s contrition, Fisher arguably brought into question one of the most sacred principles of his priestly vocation by discussing the circumstances of the king’s confession and subsequent promises made to his confessor. We might conclude that he was under strong pressure to create this portrayal of a contrite king.

to all historians of the early reign of henry viii: you do not need to buy uncritically into henry viii's slander of his own father to discuss henry viii himself, i promise you.

The apparently unanimous praise of England’s new king [Henry VIII] was at least partly influenced by the ambivalence, if not dislike, with which the English had viewed Henry’s father, Henry VII, the first Tudor king.

the common assertion that henry vii "lacked the charisma and personal charm that endeared his son to his subjects" is just completely baffling in light of the fact that henry viii's accession was, as this book points out, "the first time in some eighty years that the crown had passed directly from king to son without the challenge presented by a pretender". if henry vii was so unlikeable, how on earth was he able to rally a country against first richard iii, then various pretenders and the last male plantagenet alive? how on earth was he able to successfully govern england and transform it from incredibly unstable to comparatively peaceful and economically viable? yes, one can be a good governor but a horrible person; but it's hard to imagine how henry vii could have restored england from ravaged by decades of civil war with his (as many historians have pointed out) dubious claim to the throne and then peacefully passed the kingdom onto his son if he was, as so many people like to claim, an old miser. surely he must have been a good leader on some level to inspire such confidence in his rule.

#from robert hutchinson's house of treason #and lucy wooding's tudor england

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umegalettings · 5 years ago

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trevorrheard-blog · 5 years ago

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A LEADING Edinburgh letting agent has added a record number of properties to its portfolio in the last year - thanks in part to stronger legislation impacting the sector.

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umegalettingsuk-blog · 6 years ago

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weumegalettings · 5 years ago

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Who is right letting agents Edinburgh for your property management?

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umegaletting-blog · 5 years ago

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umegalettingsblog · 3 months ago

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Umega Lettings & Estate Agency has expanded with a new branch on Leith Walk, enhancing their reach and services in Edinburgh. Discover more about this exciting development and how it benefits the local community. 🌟

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top10estateagentsuk · 8 months ago

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House hunting is anything but easy. Whether you’re looking for some temporary renting possibilities or dreaming of settling down on your favorite property in Edinburgh- cracking the real estate market is no bed of roses. But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for sub par living accommodations; especially when you have top-notch estate agents in Edinburgh right at your disposal.

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mymelodyheart · 4 years ago

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Starting Over Chapter 29 ~The Reality~

Geillis sat at her kitchen table, looking bright and chipper and way too put together at seven AM Tuesday morning. Geillis had invited herself over for breakfast and coffee before Claire started her shift at The Royal Hospital for Sick Children. It had been ages since they've seen each other, and a much-needed catch up was just what they both needed.

Before she'd started her new job, it had been a tense and hectic past few weeks. While Jamie had been away most of the time in London, Claire had been preoccupied applying for a residency program and meeting for job interviews. When the news of Gerald Forbes' arrest, Geneva Dunsany's stripping of gold medals and investigations in William Dunsany's business' dealings reached her, she'd dreaded her name would be mentioned in the newspaper and evening prime time news. To her relief, Ned Gowan had made sure that didn't happen. Only certain parts of the recording were released to the media, specifically the section where Forbes admitted to spiking Jamie's drink and accepting bribes from Dunsany. Since her voice was disguised with an audio editing application, it had been automatically assumed the sting was done by an undercover reporter; hence, no questions were further asked of the identity of the voice.

The days that followed were even made more stressful after Frank pleaded her to drop the charges against him and requested an out of court settlement, offering her monetary compensation instead. Not having the heart to see a licence stripped away from a brilliant doctor, Claire conceded under the condition he wouldn't practice medicine in Scotland for five years and that he would work for Doctors Without Borders for at least two years before returning to England. Frank agreed without contest, and a settlement was made and signed. But it was only when she had her belongings that he'd been keeping, returned and was informed he'd left Edinburgh for good, was she able to relax and concentrate on her future.

"So, Jamie is back in London again," Geillis remarked, in-between bites of her toast. "Another business trip?"

Claire filled their mugs with coffee and sat down. "I guess you can call it that. Jamie was invited by BBC to a morning show interview," she explained. "And while he's there, he's doing a few photoshoots for some razor commercial and finalising the sale of his properties. He should be back by tomorrow."

"Oh that's good but why aren't ye staying over at his place? Besides me wanting to have a nosy in his posh apartment, it's nearer to yer work and more convenient for him to see ye when he returns from London. And hello ...less carbon footprint."

She took a sip of her coffee and leaned back on her seat, twisting her head from side to side to relieve the tension in her neck. Her new job wasn't as demanding as in the Royal Infirmary; nevertheless, she felt the effects of the long hours at work. "Jamie already suggested that but he's away most of the time and I kind of like my place and ..." she trailed off, shrugging.

"Aaand ... it's a huge commitment and too soon after ye've just got yer stuff back from Frank and ye think he's more into parading himself in the public's eye than he's into ye," Geillis filled in the blanks before scooping some egg into her mouth.

Claire didn't answer, as she toyed with her fork.

"Ye miss him, aye?"

She nodded, giving her friend a wistful smile. She did miss Jamie a lot. Ever since the problems with his former agent settled, she'd seen less and less of him. She knew he was trying to put together something for the future, but at the worse of times, she felt mildly resentful not seeing him as much and hated herself for feeling that way. They've been wrapped up in their own bubble of bliss, she hadn't thought about where their relationship was heading to. Their feelings were out there, larger than life and scary as hell, and now they have to find a way to make this thing work in the real world with their conflicting schedules. But lately, with Jamie's numerous endorsements pouring in, to represent big-name companies and merchandises, she wondered if their relationship could survive and if there was even a hint of truth in what Forbes had told her that Jamie was meant for the limelight.

"Ye think Jamie is going to be lured back to his celebrity lifestyle and ye're waiting for the bomb to fall, is this what's this about?" she asked as if uncannily reading her thoughts.

Damn the girl for being so perceptive. She straightened up on her seat and smeared butter on her toast. "What makes you think that?" she asked, trying to look nonchalant, which was silly really considering Geillis could read her like a book.

Geillis rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee. "It's pretty apparent ye're not too thrilled with the load of work he's getting. But if he's going to start this rugby academy ye were talking about, all the exposures and the money he could earn from those adverts will help."

"You're beginning to sound like Forbes," Claire scoffed, pointing the butter knife at her. "And I don't like it."

"And ye're letting fear and doubt grow its ugly head," she quipped, toast shrapnel spraying out from her mouth.

"Good God, Geillis ... that's gross. Don't talk when you're mouth is full."

"Stop changing the subject," Geillis admonished. She crunched down on her toast and gave her a false smile, deliberately exhibiting bits of food between her teeth. "In a perfect world, ye could both get what ye want, dream job and time for each other. But that's no' the case, so ...if ye have issues with Jamie's work and wotnots, ye should be more proactive in addressing them instead of sulking."

"I'm not sulking ...or maybe I am a little. But here's the thing ... I've only seen Jamie for two days for the last couple of weeks. Even when he's here in Edinburgh, either he is unavailable and rushing off somewhere to meet someone important, or he's in the gym. When I'm at his place, he's either too tired to do anything, asleep already, or he has to wake up early ...so there's really no point of me staying there. It's nuts really, I'm seeing less of him now that we're together than when he was trying to pursue me. We talk and text a lot on the phone, but it doesn't make being separated any easier. This evil paranoia is constantly nagging in my head that he's bored with me and finding limelight more exciting. But then he makes up for his absence by regularly checking up on me or having food delivered either at my workplace or here at home because he knows I forget to eat sometimes. And my distrustful and illogical side creeps in and tells me he's just keeping me interested. But when he's holding me, all those whispers in my head shut up."

Geillis wiped her mouth with a napkin and reached for her hand. "Ach, hen, he loves ye. Ye ken fine I have this built-in radar inside me that can detect bullshit from miles away. That man of yers lights up like a Christmas tree whenever ye're around. Why not talk to him and tell him how ye're feeling."

"God, no. I sound already petty and clingy hearing myself talk. Not going to happen."

"Hmmm, have ye been reading things written about him in social media again?" Geillis asked, already knowing the answer and looking on disapprovingly. "Jamie already told ye not to."

Claire sighed and slumped back in her chair. "I can't help it sometimes," she reasoned. "I see something nice written about him, and that makes me happy, and I look for more, but then I end up reading gossips about him that aren't true. I'm supposed to be prepared for this. When Jamie and I first got together, I knew what I was getting into, and I knew our relationship would have some degree of disappointment and compromise. I understand Jamie's work is very important to him, and quite rightly so. But it's still difficult to accept that I'm someone whose boyfriend is lusted after by thousands of women and the way my work colleagues talk behind my back and look at me, serves as a reminder. I thought those days in the limelight would be over when he told me about the academy, but it seems the interviews and photocalls have doubled. I need to find a way to be alright with that because I know those public appearances will help promote his academy. It's just that when I rarely see him, it's so hard and I can't help but think it's the start of our end."

"Quit that rubbish talk for crying out loud! Ye just have to remind yersel' its just work," Geillis pressed in a firm tone. "Whatever is happening right now doesn't change the way he feels about ye." She got up, taking her plate and mug over to the sink to rinse them and put them into the dishwasher. "His popularity has a short lifespan, Claire, most especially now that he's turning down work left, right and centre from other networks. Once the academy is up and running and the talk about his BBC award dies down, the news will be onto something new. And as for Jamie, he will eventually fade into the background as he wouldn't have time for anything else other than building his new business venture. Nobody knows how long this ride is going to last, so he might as well take advantage and get as much exposure out of it."

"I know, I know. You're right with everything you said." Claire cleared the rest of the dishes on the table and stood up. "That's why I don't want to say anything to Jamie. You taking Jamie's side when you've always taken mine can only mean I sound really downright pathetic."

Geillis dried her hand and turned around to face her, giving her a thoughtful smile. "Not pathetic at all and I understand why ye're worried. Not everyone would have been able to handle being in a relationship with Jamie. God, if he was my boyfriend, I'd never let him out of my sight because he's too pretty for his own good. But as an objective bystander, I can hundred per cent assure ye, that man is working his arse off to get that business of his going so he can have a normal life with ye."

She packed her laptop in its case and drank the rest of her juice. "That's what I tell myself all the time. It's just hard when we hardly have a moment to ourselves and when I'm left alone with my own thoughts, that's when it becomes dangerous. All these niggling doubts surface from out of nowhere and play havoc with my logic."

"Ach, Claire. Sometimes I wish ye could see the way he looks at ye when ye're not looking. He looks at ye like ye're the sun itself and it makes me want to puke seeing all that lovefest spewing out of him."

This time Claire laughed out loud and allowed the tension and uncertainties of the future to slowly fade away. Thank God she had Geillis to talk sense into her. After everything that happened recently, she really needed to exorcise all those demons that Forbes and Frank left behind because unless she did that, they would continue to rule her waking hours, even though they were no longer in their lives,

..........

Claire stripped off her clothes and climbed into the shower. She had forty-five minutes to get ready before Jamie arrives. She'd received a text earlier while at work telling her he was in the airport in London waiting to get into the plane and he would be heading straight to her as soon as he landed and they would go out on a dinner date.

The water was hot, and it felt good just to stand there and let it run over her skin as she tried to release the tension in her muscles. It had been a long day at work running from ward to ward, and although she loved her job, working with sick children was often challenging since it affected her more on an emotional level. They were innocents and should be untouched by illness and injuries and be out there thriving and healthy instead of being in the hospital. Despite trying her hardest to remain professional, it still proved difficult to not get attached to her young patients.

Suddenly realising the water was getting colder, she quickly lathered some shower gel on her skin and shampoo on her hair. When she turned around to rinse herself, she nearly screamed when she saw Jamie on the other side of the shower stall, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest and a lopsided grin plastered on his face.

"Jamie! Bloody hell! You shouldn't sneak in like that! Jesus! You nearly gave me a heart attack," she scolded, quickly washing the suds off her body.

Jamie chuckled, as he took a huge towel from the rail. "Ye didn't answer when I called out yer name. So I just waited for ye to finish, hoping to hear yer rendition of one of Paloma Faith's songs before ye notice I'm here."

She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower into the towel Jamie was holding. He wrapped it around her and smiled.

"Hi!" he whispered.

She tried to step back. "I'll ruin your suit. I'm all wet."

"I dinnae care." He pulled her back into his arms, and she stretched up on her toes to kiss him briefly.

When she drew away, she stared up at him. "Let me dry my hair first. I shan't be long."

"No' yet." She held her breath as Jamie leaned down and kissed her tenderly. Oh God, how I've missed him! His lips were so soft and warm, making all the air rush out of her lungs. He sucked at her bottom lip before pulling back and angling his head to kiss her again. Though his body was tensed and hard, the delicate way he moved his mouth over hers demonstrated leashed restraint like he wanted to savour the moment instead of giving in to the hormones that were raging between them. If his intention was to make her forget what she was about to say or do, he was succeeding immensely.

Gradually his kisses became more intense, and she gave up trying to think and allowed herself to just feel, letting her muscles melt against his body. He cupped her breast, and when she moaned and gripped his shoulders tightly, he grunted in frustration and gently drew away.

Glancing down at her, he tucked his tongue into his cheek and shook his head. "Ye should get dressed before I give ye a reason to go back and shower again." He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "Christ, I've missed ye so much."

Her heart did a pirouette. It was so bloody absurd that after the all this time, Jamie could still make the air catch in her chest and her blood rush with force, just by looking at her. "I missed you too," was all she could muster, feeling the heat creep up her face.

He cleared his throat. "I brought some Thai takeaway. You get dressed, and I'll prepare the table."

"Oh! I thought we were going out," she said, unable to hide her disappointment.

He swallowed and nodded, the muscles in his jaw, working overtime as he took her hands. "I'm so sorry, Sassenach. I had a last-minute phone call from this guy who'll be rewiring the sports complex. He's coming all the way from Glasgow, and I need to show him the floor plans and the list of gadgets I need installing. I'm just as disappointed as ye are that we can't go out." He linked his fingers through hers. "The next few weeks are going to be crazy as hell, but I'm doing everything I can to make sure we'll have more time together. That's a promise."

"That's alright," she murmured, trying her best not to act like a child whose lolly had been taken off her. This was the sixth time he'd cancelled their date, and it didn't help that they hadn't been out together for weeks and that she hadn't seen the sports complex yet. Her brain concocted tons of reasons for all the cancellations, and not one of them was good, but she immediately tamped down the thoughts when she saw the worried look on his face. Sighing, she gave him a reassuring smile. "You go ahead a prepare the food. I'll just quickly dry my hair, and I will be out soon."

Before she could turn away, he hauled her back into his arms, and then cupped her face with both hands and kissed her deeply, almost making her believe everything was fine.

"I love you, Sassenach" he said against her lips. "I promise I will have more time for us soon."

He held her for a few more heartbeats, and then with an effort, he pulled away and headed out the door.

When he left, she leaned her forehead against the damp bathroom tiles. "I love you too Jamie. So much it hurts to breathe sometimes," she whispered to the wall.

..........

Another three weeks went by, and Claire was determined to ignore her growing sense of apprehension about Jamie and her inability to deal with his lack of presence in most of her everyday life. She felt like she had a countdown timer running in the backdrop, and she was just waiting for it to reach zero when it would reveal they were over for good.

She sighed and ferociously tug the weeds out of her garden bed, venting her frustration in her back garden vegetation. Her mood didn't improve when she envisioned herself becoming one of those women who obsessed about their man, fearing they wouldn't be able to cope once the relationship was over. Shut it, Beauchamp! Stop being pathetic and grow a pair!

Nearby, Geillis was collecting all the weeds she'd pulled out and placing them into containers for compost. She didn't want to heap more of her relationship worries on her friend, thinking she's beginning to sound repetitive and whiny.

Even though Jamie was away a lot, he would drop by a few times, helping her with shopping when she didn't have the time to refill her pantry and repairing things that needed fixing in her wee cottage. She tried not to pressure him about sleepovers since she'd refused a few times to stay at his place. Not that Claire didn't want to be with him, but he was hardly in his apartment, and when he was, he spent his time catching up on sleep or speaking with important people on the phone. Over time she realised, he was workaholic, mostly when it involved something he was passionate and excited about. And it made her wonder if that was the reason he never had any proper relationship during his rugby days.

Jamie had often enough apologised for not always being there for her and asked her to give him more time and trust him, and she was trying her utmost best to do just that, even though patience and trust are two things she was beginning to have a short supply of.

"It's yer day-off. Aren't ye seeing Jamie today?" Geillis asked, getting up on her feet and kicking the dirt off her boots.

"Nope. Apparently, being interviewed by some local radio station and filming for Irn-Bru commercial is more appealing than spending time with his girlfriend." She cringed inwardly the moment her pettiness came out in full force, unable to contain what she truly felt any longer.

"Ach, hen. I ken it's been a difficult time for ye both with yer long hours and his busy schedule. Surely, ye ken he'd rather spend time with ye."

"I know, Geillis. Don't mind me at all. I'm just in one of those moods. Think nothing more of it." She dusted off her hands and got up. "Anyway, I'm trying not to dwell on those things. I have to get ready and meet up with John ...you know John Grey from St Leonards', where I did my temp job?" When Geillis nodded, she continued. "He's got a day-off too, and his boyfriend is on a business trip to France. So we thought, since we're both boyfriendless today, we'd hang out together. You can join us if you wish."

Geillis waved her hand. "I'll pass. I have a gig tomorrow for a group of seven-year-olds. Need to organise their party hats and goodie bags. I'll clean up and go." Then she pulled her in for a hug. "And enjoy yersel' and try not to worry about Jamie. He's probably thinking the same of ye ...ye not having enough time for him with yer long hours at work. Just have a little faith with the man, alright?"

"I will," she smiled, kissing her on the cheek. "In case you finish early with your prep for tomorrow and change your mind about joining us, we'll be in The World's End."

Geillis pulled back and made a face. "I doubt it. It's a bath, chamomile and books for me tonight and then early to bed. Need to save my energy for those bairns tomorrow. Kids nowadays are so hyper and fueled with so much sugar, I can hardly keep up with them. But ye go enjoy yersel', and I'll stop by one of this morning for breakfast." And with that, she spun around and headed towards the house.

As she put away her hand garden tools into a bucket, she took deep calming breaths and made a decision to stop thinking so negatively. It had been ages since she'd been to the pub and maybe a change of atmosphere and a few beers with her friend John would improve her mood. She wished she could talk to Jamie right now, but she knew he was working and was probably in the middle of an interview or shoot. She would just have to wait later to send him a message once she's come back home.

As if thinking of Jamie willed him to call, her phone buzzed in her jeans, and when she looked at the screen, it lit up with his number. A wave of elation rushed through her cancelling all her earlier doubts. "Hey, I was just thinking about you and wondering when it's best to call you up. I wasn't sure if you were in the middle of something."

"I have a few minutes before I go on air." He sounded slightly hoarse if not tired, but still, she could hear a smile on his voice. "How are ye today, Sassenach?"

She reminded herself he was working hard for his sports academy, and she needed to be a more understanding girlfriend. "I'm great," she replied, trying to be more cheerful than she felt. "I'm just cleaning up after a bit of garden work, and then I'll head out for a few drinks."

"With Geillis and Joe?"

She picked up her bucket of tools and headed towards the shed. "Actually, no. I'm going out with John."

"John? Who's John?"

She thought she heard the clipped tone in his voice but shook her head, thinking she imagined things. "You know John. The head doctor of St Leonards' where I did my temp job. We both have a day-off, so we thought we'd hang out together for a couple of beers. It's been ages since I've been out and I thought it would be a nice change."

"How come Geillis or Joe is not coming with ye? Are they working?"

"Joe is away somewhere ...God knows where. And I've asked Geillis to come, but she has a gig to prepare for tomorrow." She opened the door to her shed and slid in her tools before closing it again and heading back towards the house. "It'll just be a couple of drinks, and then I'll head back home."

There was a long pause in Jamie's end. "Jamie? You still there?"

"Aye, I'm here," he sighed. "The air is getting colder, Sassenach. Make sure ye dressed up warmly when ye go out."

"It is getting a bit nippy," she admitted, looking at her watch. "Listen. Got to run. I'm running a bit late."

There was another silence for a few seconds before he spoke. "Ye ken I love ye, don't ye, Sassenach?" he asked.

She took a deep breath and smiled. "Of course, Jamie. And I love you too. But I really have to go. I'll speak to you soon ...well, as soon as I get back home. I promise." And then she turned off the phone before he could say another word since she was already running late. As she stepped into the house, she felt loads better already than she did earlier after hearing Jamie's voice. In fact, she was beginning to look forward to having a night out with John and having a refreshing pint. Maybe, later, if she's not too tired, she would pay Jamie a visit to his apartment and surprise him. With that in mind and with more lightness in her heart, she showered and got ready for her night out.

#melodyheart #startingover #Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser #outlanderfanfic

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intelligentrepairs · 2 years ago

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mcgrathandwives · 5 years ago

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Kept my promise, part 1

A/N: Nobody asked for Natasha content but I miss her so I’m just going on a binge of writing for her as of right now. Just roll with it, I have no idea where I’m going with it. But yeah, here’s some Natasha stuff nobody asked for (((((((:

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Warning: Major character death, angsty, lots of feels.

Word count: 3,350 (ish)

I DO NOT OWN MARVEL NOR DO I OWN ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS

Life before the snap was easier, much easier.

Everyone Natasha cared about was in an arms-length of communication or a quinjet ride away. It wasn’t ideal but it was a lot easier. She remembers the last time she had her glimpse of happiness, just like it was yesterday. Just before it was ripped out of her grasp.

-5 years ago, before the snap-

Wanda and Vision spent their time in Edinburgh, Sam and Steve darted across the globe- wherever they need to be. Nat, however, she could always be found in the same location, a small lake house on the outskirts of New York.

It was quiet, peaceful.

Safe.

She could let go of the agent, criminal life she lived for a few hours, maybe even a few days if she dared. It was refreshing not having to look over her shoulder day after day.

It became more and more addicting when it became a regular thing. She just couldn't bare to be away from her safe place. A mug of coffee sat on the table overlooking the lake, her hoodie clinging to her as the light breeze brushed against her, now blonde hair. She could hear the humming in the kitchen, only making her smile. This was the hardest part of it all.

Only getting to stay in the only calm she had for a short time before having to pretend she wasn’t feeling more and more cut up as the days go by, stuck on that ship. Before having to promise a “See you soon” rather than a “Goodbye”. This was her last day and she’d be damned if she never got to spend every waking minute she has with you. You walk out, placing your mug next to hers. Her hands already making their way around your waist pulling you on to her lap.

A few hours pass and you’re both in the same spot, the sun begins to set, casting a beautiful glow over the pair of you and your surroundings. You can feel Natasha’s arms tighten around you, leaning back into her embrace you let out a sigh. It was content, with an underlying disappointment, knowing the woman you loved would have to leave within the hour.

“I really want to be selfish and keep you here another day.”

You could feel her smile spread against your shoulder, leaving a light kiss there before she spoke, “You know as well as I do that if we stayed here another day, we’d be here for the rest of our lives.”

“Is that really such a bad thing Nat?” She didn’t need to be facing you to know that you’re already pouting at the thought of her leaving, but the jet would be here any minute now. Releasing her grip, you sprung up from the comfort, collecting your dishes and taking them inside. You spot the jet out of the corner of your eye, knowing Natasha’s most likely seen it too, you decide it’s time to put on your best smile to greet the boys.

With her hand in yours, you both make your way to the jet, each step making your heart heavier. “Come back to me Romanoff, alive.” You try to force out a laugh to cover up the tears threatening to fall but the minute she makes eye contact with you, it’s a failed plan. “I always do. Next time I promise I won’t leave.” Her arms make their way around your neck, pulling you down enough to kiss her. She pours everything she has into it, you can taste the faint hint of bitter coffee mixed with your tears. You watched as she stepped onto the jet, her hand making its way to the necklace she always kept on, you’d got her it as a gift for your 1 year anniversary, she’s never taken it off since. “Come home to me.” As the door started to close, Natasha mouthed back ‘Always’ before turning away so you couldn’t watch her tears fall.

After the news broke about Thanos, she was determined to stop him. Natasha fought with everything she had. She needed to come home, that was the promise. She’d given it a lot of thought during her short stint away from you. Staying in the lake house together, for the rest of your days.

She wanted it.

She was ready for it.

Her lifestyle wasn’t exactly suitable for a relationship, never mind properly settling down. But for the first time in a long time, she was willing to risk everything for something she wanted. She was ready to risk it all just so she could be a little selfish. She wanted you and she’d fight until her last breath before anyone took you away from her.

She watched in horror as Wanda turned to dust and blew away. The same horror flooded her as she watched the others surrounding her, disappear.

The only thought in her mind was you. Panic flooded her system. She drove out to your apartment the minute she returned from Wakanda. She was greeted with nothing, she tried your office next and got the same result. She’d been trying so hard to keep it together, but there was only one place left and you weren’t answering your calls. Her stomach twisted at the thought. Natasha Romanoff, ex-Russian assassin, turned spy, turned SHIELD agent, has done some gut-wrenching stuff, she’s got skeletons in her closet after all but this? This had made her feel things she hasn’t felt in decades.

Pulling up outside the lakehouse, she held her breath, trying to steady herself before entering. The best-case scenario is you’re sleeping on the sofa and that’s why she hasn’t heard from you or seen you. But with every step she took, her heart grew heavier, her chest felt tighter and her stomach dropped. Her sight, blurry with the tears waiting to fall.

Her fears were confirmed when she spotted the mug on the coffee table, your pen and the newspaper on the floor. There was no you in sight.

For the first time that day Nat finally let herself go, collapsing to her knees in tears.

“I kept my promise.”

---

When she returned to the compound she broke the news to the remaining members of the Avengers. Since that day she’s been focused on nothing but getting the stones back. She’s been to space, she became friendly with a talking raccoon, a blue alien that goes by Nebula and a woman that’s half Human and Kree, Carol, she has powers. She still keeps in touch with Rhodey, Tony and sometimes she’ll see Steve when he stops by the compound or if he’s pestering her to join a support group.

There’s been no word from Barton but he’s alive, she’s been hunting him down- admittedly not as well as she’d like to but they both lost the important parts of their lives. So she’s a little out of the game. Though with 5 years of no Avenger-ing, she hasn’t had the time to flex those muscles.

---

She took up dancing again after the first year, you had always loved watching her dance. The way she’d move so lightly, her hair falling in and out of her face, beads of sweat running down her forehead, it was far from the ballerina perfect she was supposed to be but nonetheless, she was picture perfect to you.

Everything about Nat was perfect to you.

She’d give up the world just to dance with you one more time. She missed the feeling of your hands on her waist as you’d sway to some soft ballad. She missed the way you’d both move together, perfectly molded for one another.

She missed the look on your face every time she came home with a new hair colour or style. She missed the teasing arguments you’d share when she stole your clothes. She missed the smile on your face whenever she’d walk through the door. She missed the way you’d take care of her after a rough mission. She missed the way you’d always kiss every cut, bruise, scrape, and scar.

She missed hearing about your “boring” day- you were never boring, nothing about your life was ever boring to her. She missed hearing you complain about Susan from work, she hadn’t met Susan but she sounded like a real piece of work.

She just missed you.

Each day grew harder. She couldn’t bring herself to go by the lake anymore, there were too many memories she wasn’t ready for, she made the exception of driving Tony there but she never left the car. When Tony mentioned finding somewhere for his “retirement”, she told him about the lakehouse an acre or so from yours. After his visit, he was sold. He bought the property and offered to look after yours until Nat was ready.

That was the last she saw Tony.

---

After the second year, Steve moved out of the compound, promised to visit when he could.

She never held him to it, who would want to come back here anyway? It’s just another reminder of everything they lost. But it’s the only secure building in New York and she has access to everything here. She barely leaves the grounds anymore. The city is full of memories, every corner of the city has something attached to you and she can’t bring herself to find the happiness in them just yet.

Steve keeps reminding her that it’s okay to move on, that you wouldn’t hate her for it. Deep down she knows you wouldn’t hate her, you love her too much. But she’s clinging on to hope. There’s a part of her screaming to not lose hope. Another two years passed before she stops crying herself to sleep every night. By then people started to somehow get their lives together, Nat engaged more with the others outside of the compound, doing mostly groundwork and still hunting down Clint.

---

By the time the 5th year comes round, she still feels a little lost, but she’s trying to push herself a little more, she knows you wouldn't want her cooped up. Nat was never one to 'stop and smell the roses'. She was fast-paced, always on the go. You never tried to change that, if anything it excited you and she knew it. So she started with visits to your old apartment, the cafe where you’d taken her on your first date, the pond where you’d both meet for lunch. She can look at photographs now without sobbing. She still cries herself to sleep on the harder nights but being wrapped in your shirts and the faint smell of your perfume- there’s a slither left in the bottle, she’s on her 5th bottle now, she still sprays your pillow and your clothes with it. It’s not the same but it helps.

She's coping, a little better.

She still catches herself talking to you sometimes. She’ll tell you about the weather and how the flowers in the garden are. She finds herself telling you about the things she’s seen and then there are the times where she’ll tell you how she’d rather have your arms wrapped around her or the chance just to hear your heartbeat over the loud silence.

But it helps, it helps her breathe a little better, a little easier on the harder days.

She's been making some progress in regards to “Avenger-ing”, the world can thank Okoye, Nebula, and Carol for that. She’s been assisting everyone as and when she can, keeping tabs on the remaining team and a closer ear out for any possible leads on Clint.

She's making progress, she knows you'd be proud.

After ending her debrief she decided to get in a few hours of rest. Her dreams had been bad this week, it’s always the same dream too. She never used to consider them nightmares. It’s a different story now.

Her plans were quickly tossed aside when she heard Steve’s voice. "Y'know they wouldn't want you to just eat peanut butter sandwiches." She wants to reply with something snarky, maybe even flash that signature smirk of hers. Instead, she sighed, a small smile on her face. “They never judged me for my sandwich-making skills y’know!” A small silence fell over the pair, it was quickly interrupted by Scott Lang- and not a moment too soon. She could feel a speech from Steve brewing and after the day she’s had it’s the last thing she wants to hear. Once Scott explained his thoughts, it left them with one place to go.

Tony.

---

The drive to the lake was tense, not for anyone else, just Nat.

It’s been a while since she ventured down this road. Memories of the pair of you flooded her. She knew she wasn’t ready for this but there was a mission and missions came first.

She could just spot your lake house in the distance, all she needed to do was make a left turn, if she wanted to. God did she want to. Just to see the glimpse of the happiness she was so, oh so close to having. It was in her grasp. Tugging at her lightly. She considered it too, until movement from Tony caught her eye. They shared a silent greeting when she exited the car, excusing herself to say a quick ‘Hello’ to Pepper and Morgan before discussing their visit.

Tony was defensive, she expected that. He found what he’s always wanted, he married Pepper, he’s retired, he has a daughter now, it was selfish of them to come here and even breathe the idea of gambling that.

She wished she had a better reason for the visit, but as crazy as the idea of time travel sounded, it gave her the smallest slice of hope. She’s too invested in the idea now to see sense, according to Tony, but this was a chance, a call of hope, opportunities like this knock on her door once.

She had to try.

She owed it to the world and the team. She owed it to herself and you.

So she made the call after the failed attempt at pulling in Stark.

Bruce was her last chance and even after watching the slightly messy attempt they made, her little slice of hope became an inch bigger. It grew again when Tony walked through the door, announcing he had intel on Barton and a one hundred percent, full proof plan to successfully make this mission work.

Nat knew she was the only one able to bring Clint in, so she jumped on the first jet out to him. The rain bounced off the street, and the air was thick. The tension was high, when her eyes finally landed on him, she let go of her breath, throwing out the idea of hope at a man too far gone for his own good- some would’ve said it was a far cry but here she was. Her hand stretched out ready for Clint. Praying to whatever god to could hear her that he’d drive down this rabbit hole with her. “We could bring them back. Laura, the kids,Y/n. They could be back, here with us. But we have to try and I need you there with me.” He finally grasped her hand, pulling her into him.

The next step was surprisingly the easiest. Finding the stones, admittedly it took a little longer than she hoped but everyone’s exhausted, their bodies and minds tired from the complexity that is time travel. After working it out Steve sent everyone to bed, they’d need a fresh start in the morning.

Excusing herself to your shared room, she threw on one of your shirts and spraying your pillow in the last of your perfume. “I’ll have to pick you up another bottle, it’ll be like a coming home present.” Crawling into bed she pulled your pillow closer, the smell of your perfume encasing her in a false sense of comfort, letting a few tears fall, she spoke into the silence before letting sleep takeover, “I promised you I wouldn’t give up.”

---

The morning came quicker than she hoped, for the first time in months she wasn’t tormented in her sleep, instead, she welcomed her dream with open arms. The idea of finally coming home was too much to refuse.

Throwing on one of your vests, she got up, to make coffee. Chatter bounced off the walls for the first time in five years. It felt almost homely. Warmth spread over her, the compound was lively once again, the loud noises she once complained about and missed horribly were back and she couldn’t help but smile, of course, it didn’t last long. Rocket decided to steal her mug and that was more than enough to annoy anyone.

‘Just like old times.’

As much as everyone was enjoying themselves, there was still a task at front. They had a job to do. Admittedly, although she was scared, she felt a little giddy. This was it. The moment she’d been promising herself for five years. Turning to Steve and Tony she offered them a reassuring smile, “See you in a minute.”

Space was stunning, she’d tell you all about. Everything from the stars to the colours, she’d tell you all of it. She had to pinch herself. Never did she think in a million years, she’d be in space. But she never thought she would become friends with a raccoon, and here she was, in said raccoon’s ship, after dropping Rhodey and Nebula off, Nat and Clint were left to their own devices.

Arriving on Vormir, reality hit her. This was the moment she could get her hands on a stone to bring you back.The barren planet held no signs of life, the wind blew cold and with every step they snuck a little more into the sand, until they reached a rougher, more secure ledge, leading them to a path. Both Natasha and Clint were on guard, ready for anything coming their way. Well almost anything, a shadowy, hooded figure appeared in front of them, claiming to be a guide. They followed the stranger up a path.

It all felt easy.

Too easy, for either of their likings.

There had to be a catch somewhere, surely.

The further they were led up the path, the more uneasy Natasha felt. Finally they came to a cliff. The pieces slowly started to fall into place. Thanos and his daughter came for the stone, only Thanos returned.

There was only Clint and Natasha. One had to jump.

“A soul for a soul.” The words clung to the redhead, ironically after all this time, after all the good she’s done, the life she left behind for this, for the team, for you. The journey to save the world and you would result in her not being around to see it.

A part of her died when you got dusted.

She’s fought many battles in her time, she’s learned and taught the world so much, she’s been the hero all along. You knew that. She went from having red in her ledger to having clear pages. She was ready to settle down. It was wishful thinking after all.

She stood above Clint, her Widow bites charged, she didn’t try to look apologetic in the slightest. This was the hard call, she always made them. She was taught never to be selfish. Sacrificing herself for this, is the most selfless act she’s ever done. Making her run for the edge, she was thrown off by Barton. Watching him jump, she threw herself to her feet, diving down after him. They hung, suspended, on the side of the cliff, his hand wrapped around her wrist, with every ounce of strength he had left in him. It wasn’t enough, he could feel her slip, he knew it and she did too. “Tell her, I kept my promise.”

She knew it had to be her.

“Let me go.” Just like that, she slipped out of his grasp, falling.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #marvel fic #i miss nat and this didnt help me #but theres always part 2

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