#Ed being the only family Kelly has left and abandoning her

[sparkleplatypuswriter]

Listen, will I watch all of S4 For All Mankind? Yes. Will it completely gut me and leave me incapable of interacting with the previous three seasons and my blorbos? Possibly.

[anotheronechicagobog]

Tylenol and Tequila Part 3

written by @anotheronechicagobog​

Warnings: swearing, mature themes, fire, chemical reactions

A/N: This one is REALLY long. I don’t know the word count but it took up ten pages in google docs with size 11 font, so I hope you guys like it!

Also, I came up with the term ‘Hermann Horde’ to describe him and his kids, I think it’s hilarious, but let me know what you gusy think.

Stella Kidd has always wanted to be a mother. To experience the joy, fear, love, frustration, cheer that being a parent brings. The only problem? She didn’t want to be the one to actually give birth to them and she didn’t agree with surrogacy. But she had been homeless and in the foster system when she wasn’t living with her addict parents, so she knew that there were lots of kids who just needed someone to love them. This had been a point of contention between her and Grant. Biological kid(d)s are the only ones he would accept. It would end in screaming matches, Grant saying at some point that it would happen whether she liked it or not. That should have been a huge red flag for her, but she’d loved him so she ignored it.

With Kelly though, he understood. He understood that if she got pregnant she would have to take leave from being a firefighter for a while, so long as there weren’t complications with the pregnancy that were severe enough to end her career, and that was something he would never ask or expect her to do. When Stella wanted to have a serious conversation about kids he watched her collapse in relief that he shared her opinions. That he thought it would be better for both of them to foster older kids, pre-teens and teenagers.

Kelly had never liked Grant. Always thought that he was a manipulative piece of shit, and every even remotely serious conversation had been about Grant ignoring Stella’s wants, needs, and choices. If Grant showed his face again it would take an army and at least one dragon to stop him from killing Grant.

The only people they’d told were Boden, cause he’d need to know as their chief, Matt and Sylvie because they’d need someone to talk to about it besides each other and references. They’d all been ecstatic for the couple, Sylvie in particular. She didn’t remember much about her time in foster care, but she remembered enough to know how terrible, nightmarish, and broken it was. 

Kylie was the first kid who popped up in both their minds. Her dad was a neglectful cop who had multiple families and her mom was a heroin addict. Kylie did what she could to remain afloat, to distance herself from who her parents are and what they do, but it was hard. Her dad just showing up and doing whatever the fuck he wanted and leaving ruins in his wake, and her mom was only around a third of the time, almost always on a bender with whoever she was ‘dating’ that week. Kylie had spent most of her childhood living with her grandma after being placed there by social services but was dumped back on her mom after seven months after her grandma passed three months in the system. The four months she spent being tossed between group homes and foster families were not times she advertised or wanted to remember. Girls on Fire had brought the support that she hadn’t had for so long into her life. When she missed a Girls on Fire meeting Stella got worried, it didn’t correlate with her character. 

A call to detective Jay Halstead from Kelly brought out the depressing truth. Her mom had gotten high, signed her out of school, and then dragged her to a scummy abandoned warehouse to help her score some product. Kylie managed to slip away and call 911 for help after the dealer smacked her around for saying ‘no’. But he found her at the end of the call, and he didn’t react well. They’d rushed over to the ED when they found out where she was.

Stella actually started to cry when she saw the state Kylie was in. So frail, monitors beeping, covered in bandages, arm in a sling. Kelly tracked down Natalie to figure out what her condition was, and it wasn’t good. Amelia Wood, a social worker showed up just as she finished explaining everything.

“Hello, I’m Amelia Woods from DCFS, here for Kylie Reyez?”

“Of course, Ms. Woods as I was just explaining to lieutenant Severide, Kylie has a minor concussion five bruised ribs, a shoulder fracture, and we’re waiting on the results from her sexual assault kit.”

“And why would you be explaining it to lieutenant Severide? The only relatives listed in her file are her deceased grandmother, ineligible father detective Mark Reyez, and criminally negligent mother Daphne Adams.”

“My girlfriend Stella Kidd runs a program called Girls on Fire, a fire department outreach program for girls, and Kylie’s signed up for it. When she didn’t show up for the last session she had a really bad feeling and Kylie wasn’t answering her phone so we called some people and found out she was here. We rushed over, Stella’s actually with her now. What, uh, what’s going to happen to Kylie?”

“Well she’s not going to live with either of her parents, and she has no other family, so she’ll go into the system.”

“Group home or foster family?”

“... Group home to start... We’ll try to find a foster for her but that’s unlikely at her age.”

“Stella and I are in the final stages of getting approved as a foster family, would it be possible for Kylie to be placed with us?”

“Who’s the social worker assigned to you?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a week in the ED Kylie was permitted to leave, and go to Severide and Kidd’s apartment. Kylie was ecstatic, Stella and Kelly had made it clear that their apartment was a safe place for Kylie, that all she would have to do was be a teenager. There would be some rules and curfew in place but Stella and Kelly were just focusing on making sure that Kylie had a stable home.

When they got home Stella gingerly showed Kylie her room. It was plain, had been seen Matt moved out the year before, but Sylvie had offered to help Kylie decorate it when she was comfortable. “We can arrange for that shopping trip in a few days, let’s just get you settled in first.”

“Ladies, our deep dish order has been placed and should be here in forty minutes. I think that maybe we should take this time to talk about some rules and stuff. Then we can chow down on pizza.”

Stella chuckled at her boyfriend’s attempt at humour, and Kylie smiled at how they looked at each other. “That sounds like a good idea Kel. You ready Kylie?”

“Yeah, let’s hear it.”

“Okay, so curfew is 10:30pm, but if there’s something special going on that night just let us know in advance and we can extend it.”

“School is priority, if you want a part-time job or something that’s fine, but school comes first.”

“Look, we don’t want you drinking or having sex-”

Gagging from Kylie interrupted Stella, “yeah, yeah, it’s gross to talk about with your guardians but we get that as a teenager that’s just something you might get into, so if you need condoms or a ride home or something, just let us know or call, we just want you to be safe. We won’t exactly be happy that you’re partying or whatever, but anything’s better than playing keep-up.”

“And if there’s stuff you want to talk about, we’re here. And if you don’t want to talk to us, that’s okay too. As long as you’re talking to someone, a teacher, guidance counselor, Brett, whoever, just as long as you talk to someone.”

“When we’re on shift we’ll both have our phones on if you need us, we’ll leave you by yourself so no parties, please. If you want to have a friend over that’s fine, but let us know beforehand and we’d like to meet them first.”

“The system actually covers therapy bills so you could even talk to a therapist if you want. And as far as the money from the government goes, we’ll budget it so that some pitches into groceries, and there’s some spending money for your room or stuff you want, but the rest will go into a post-secondary school fund for you, which we’ll also be personally putting some money into.”

“... Really?”

“Yes, really. We are here to make sure that you have support, and that includes making sure you have some money for when you’re out of high school.”

“Thank you...”

“You really don’t need to say ‘thank you’ sweetheart, we’re here to help and love you as much as we can.” The doorbell ended their conversation that left tears brimming the eyes of all three, “I guess it’s time for pizza.”

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There had been some disagreements and adjustments, but overall everyone could agree it had been a complete success. A month later, after the move-in and hours spent convincing Kylie that having money spent on her was okay, Sylvie, Stella and Kylie met up at the nice shopping area of downtown with money to spend. The plan was to spend the morning shopping then meet up with Kelly and the rest of 51 at the park for a picnic with the lovely souls from 51, 21, and MED.

“Where to first, Kylie?”

“Umm, a bedding store maybe?”

“Kylie, we talked about this, it’s okay that we want to spend money on you, okay?”

“Kylie, I went through this too. I still get freaked out when people spend money on me, especially if I didn’t have time to discourage them from doing so. I’m still pretty stingy if I’m honest. I know that it’s hard, you feel panicked and like you’re not worth this, you’re not worth this waste of money. What I find helps is taking lots of deep breaths, going straight to the sale and clearance racks, and remembering that all the stores we’re going to are family businesses, and that by spending money here we are supporting small businesses and people who work really hard to earn money and own a store of their own.”

Kylie thought for a moment, taking in Sylvie’s advice. “Okay, I’ll try that.”

“Okay.”

“So, where to?”

“I could use a couple shirts...” Stella and Sylvie smiled brightly, grabbed onto an arm, and marched over to the nearest boutique.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After dropping everything off at the apartment the three women made it to the park a thirty minutes after the designated time. “‘Bout time you three showed up!” 

“Cool it, Halstead, besides, shouldn’t you be spending your girlfriend?”

“Hailey is not my girlfriend!” 

“Y’know, it’s kinda funny, Stella didn’t even mention a Hailey...”

“Hey! I have more than enough people on my back about this, I don’t need a kid I haven’t met- oh waiiiiit, you’re Kidd and Severide’s foster right? Well, I’m Jay Halstead, Severide hasn't shut up about you, everyone’s really excited to meet you.”

“Including Hailey.” Jay froze for a second, before an exasperated expression took over his face, then he leaned his head back and groaned loudly before stomping away, leaving nothing but laughter in his wake.

“You know what Stella? I think Kylie should meet Hailey first.”

“Ooooh, yes.”

“Hailey! We have someone we want you to meet!”

They all ran across the field to her after hearing the panicked ‘NOooOOOooo’ from Jay Halstead. The confused blonde greeted them with a chuckle. “Hi, I’m Hailey Upton, you must be Kylie. It’s really great to meet you.”

“You too, I’ve heard a lot about how badass you are.”

“Oh, don’t listen to all that you hear-”

“Ig- *gasp* ignore her. She’s awesome.” A stressed-looking Jay sputtered out as he took his place beside Hailey. “Well,” Kylie slyley started, “I’m not sure that you’re unbiased, but I guess I’ll take your word for it.” Jay panicked, Hailey was confused, Stella and Sylvie were doing everything in their power not to laugh.

“Wha-”

“Maybe she should meet Casey next, hmmm?” He gave a well-placed look to Sylvie and she started to pout.”

“That was cold.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a long day, filled with grilled food, cake games, and new family members. Kylie was happy though. It had been a lot, but she felt like she connected with and could count on everyone there. She was full of food and happiness. “That was really fun. It was great to meet everyone.”

“Really you didn’t feel like it was too much?”

“We were worried that we’d overwhelm you.”

“No, I think it was good to do it this way, like ripping off a bandaid.”

“Good. Well we have shift tomorrow, starting at six in the morning. So we should probably head to bed.”

“I’m gonna do the same, I am beat the Hermann Horde really knows how to wear it out of you.”

“The Hermann Horde, oh my god... That describes them perfectly.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shift had gone rather smoothly so far, a couple fire drills at local schools, a few fall-down and PD calls for ambo 61, and a smoke-detector check in an apartment building. All was well and good until around two o’clock when Stella got a horrifying phone call from Kylie.

“Stella?”

“Kylie? What’s wrong your voice sounds really shaky.” Kelly’s head snapped up at her words and she gestured for him to come over, he’d arrived and Stella turned the phone so they could both hear and talk just as they heard screams. “Kylie? Kylie!”

“There’s a fire, it’s getting big and we’re trapped and I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, where is the fire? What lit it? Has anyone called 911 yet?” Kelly prattled off doing his best to be helpful instead of curling into a ball and crying. “Chem room, sulfuric acid and a chlorate, and everyone else is calling 911.”

“Okay, are you near a carbon dioxide extinguisher?”

“Uh, cupboard next to me... Yeah!”

“Pull out the pin, lift the nossel and aim at the BASE of the fire by squeezing the levers together.”

They didn’t get a response but could hear what was happening, it took a few minutes before Kylie picked up the phone again, “it’s ou-t but smoldering or- smoking a bit? What-ever, it was down enough for all of us to- get out, so- we’re running.”

“Oh thank god. We’ll  come right away- or do you want us to meet you at the hospital? You need to get medical attention if you were near ractive sulfuric acid.”

“Uh, how about I just keep you on the phone as I get checked out, we can figure it out from there?” 

“Okay, we- we’ll wait.” Stella and Kelly just about collapsed in relief, all the members of 51 who had gathered around them smiled and offered them as much comfort as possible. “Hey, um- my foster parents? They’re on the line, they’re firefighters, uh, just want to know what hospital we’re going to, if I’m okay.”

“Well, tell...”

“Stella Kidd and Lieutenant Kelly Severide.”

“Kidd and Lieutenant Severide to meet us at Chicago MED.”

“We’re leaving now.” They both froze and stared at Boden like deers in headlights. “Alright,” in Boden’s usual gruff voice, “mount up everybody. We’re going to MED. We’ll keep our radios on and leave from there if necessary. Kidd, Severide, I’ll need to call in a floater to cover one of you for the rest of shift. It’ll be easier if it’s Kidd, cause at least one of you has to stay with Kylie. I’ll see what I can do about a floater for you though, Severide.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amelia met them at the hospital, there were some incident forms, but because Kylie called them for help and saved herself and her classmates because of it, Amelia just gave them a smile and told them they were doing great. Kylie needed to stay at MED for a couple days because of the smoke she inhaled, but so did her classmates and they kept each other entertained. Then OFI showed up. Seager was quite obviously still carrying a torch for Kelly, but was still very polite to Stella and Kylie. “Well, your story matches up with the evidence we have and the statements collected from your teacher and 29 classmates.”

“Wait, she has 30 classmates, there’s 31 kids in her class.”

“Yes, well, Chad is the only one who’s story is off, but that’s because all the evidence points to him messing around and starting the fire. None of you can say anything to any of the other victims and their families.”

“Got it.”

Seager left with a longing look directed at Kelly, but no one was looking at her. Kylie had started to tear up, the reality that she could have died finally hitting her at full force, and both her parents (what she’d started calling Stella and Kelly in her head) immediately tended to her. Hugging her, letting her know they were there, and that it was okay to cry. So Kylie lay there, shaking and sobbing, as the two people who loved her just as much as her grandmother had, did everything they could to let her know they loved her, and that they had been scared too. That they would be sad if she had died. At some point the tears stopped being about fear and started being about love.

This was the scene that Casey walked in on, he quietly stepped away, knowing just how intimate this moment was supposed to be. He walked back to the waiting room. “Not yet guys, they need some time to themselves. I think it might be better if we came back later with some food or something.” A call came over their walkies before anyone got a chance to agree with their captain.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kylie had transferred schools after the fire, the smoke from the chemical reaction that started the fire had gotten into a vent and messed up the entire air con system, meaning the school had to be shut down for the rest of the year while it was replaced. The air quality was deemed too dangerous for students and staff to even retrieve their stuff from the school. So Kylie had been transferred to the same high school as Lee Henry Hermann. He’d shown her around the school and introduced her to his friends. Things had been going really well until 51 got a call to a mattress factory fire. Kylie hadn’t been around when Otis died, but she could still see how everyone was affected by his death. The fire was so bad that the news had been reporting on it since before school even started and new, terrifying developments were still coming. Kylie was scared, her stomach was so twisted she felt what she could only describe as extreme nausea, she couldn’t focus, and she was practically jumping out of her skin everytime she got a notification on her phone. She couldn’t find Lee anywhere either, she had no way of knowing how he’d be handling it. While he was around to know Otis, his dad had been a firefighter longer than he’d been alive. Maybe he had coping methods.

After another panic grab for her phone Kylie was excused from class with a sympathetic glance from her teacher. She wandered the halls for a few minutes, doing everything not to cry, not to feel hopeless, when one of Lee's friends spotted her. “Henry heads to the greenhouse on bad days.” Was all Donovan said before walking away. Kylie took a breath, hiked her bag higher onto her shoulder, and headed to the greenhouse. What more did she have to fear?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door was unlocked, so she walked in and... Immediately took off her cardigan. “Lee?”

“Kylie...” His voice wasn’t confident like it usually was, it was hoarse and weak. She maneuvered her way around all the planter boxes before finding Lee sitting on a small, poorly made if she was being honest, wooden bench that was surrounded by peonies of varying colours. It was strange seeing Lee the way he was. Sickly pale, eyes red, exhausted lax muscles. “You’re scared too.”

“Terrified... I don’t know how you’ve dealt with this your whole life...” Kylie couldn’t control her emotions anymore. Lee tugged her by the wrist to sit beside him and wrapped her in his arms. “I don’t know how I’ve dealt with it either. I don’t think I do, really.”

“Does chocolate help? Cause I’ve got some in my bag...”

“Oh, yes. Chocolate helps.” The rest of their last two periods were spent crying, hugging, and eating chocolate in the greenhouse. They didn’t find out until they were leaving that the last of the fire had been put out, and that no first responders had died, and while three had been injured none of them were from firehouse 51.

“This may seem childish, and I know you don’t do this, but I think I’m gonna head to 51... I need to see that they’re okay for myself...”

“The only reason my siblings and I don’t do that is because our mom manages to keep them in the dark still. She used the child safety functions to keep the news from giving us alerts, she only tells us something happened after the ash has settled, or she just tells us that dad had a bad shift a half hour before he gets home. She runs so much interference, but, I... I disabled the child safety stuff when I was twelve, so that I could watch some PG-14 movies, I didn’t find out about the news notifications until a month later. I mean, I saw that news apps were specifically selected when I disabled the setting, but I didn’t think anything of it until they got a call to a train wreck. I had never been more afraid for my dad in my life. I hadn’t fully comprehended just how dangerous my dad’s job was until that day. Every five minutes there was a... higher body count, reports of trouble at the scene, a video of a gas explosion that 51 was barely able to control... I strongly believe that it was the worst day of my life. I wanted to go to the firehouse, I told my mom that I found out from friends, I didn’t want her to turn the news off again... But she told me I couldn’t go see him. I had to wait. It was a long four hour hours. So, I get it. If you want, there’s some time before I have to pick up my brothers and sister. How about we go pick up some doughnuts, then my siblings, and then make a visit to 51.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this for me.”

“Yeah, this way I get to see my dad after fearing for his life all day and I can use you being worried as an excuse when my mom asks.” Kylie laughed as Lee smirked, proud of his plan.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey Brett.”

“Hey, I brought you doughnuts, courtesy of the Hermann Horde and Kylie.”

“How annoyed is Hermann that the nickname caught on?”

“Very.”

“So, how do the kids look? I imagine at least Lee Henry and Kylie saw the news today.”

“Kylie looked like she was going to burst into tears when she saw Stella and Severide. Lee looked like a weight came off his shoulders when he saw Hermann. But then, he uh...”

“Hm?”

“Lee Henry looked at Kylie and smiled, really softly, and he got this puppy dog look in his eyes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I know what I saw.”

“You think there’s something going on?”

“Not yet... But I’m keeping my eye out.”

[daresplaining]

The Legendary Rosalind “Razor” Sharpe

Caption: “Rosalind Sharpe... mother, lawyer... gun owner... the last not being that great a surprise when you consider just what kind of mother and lawyer this ruthless fury in Gucci is...”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #374 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Ed Lazarelli]

    We wanted to do a Mother’s Day-themed post, and since we’ve already highlighted Matt’s mom, Foggy’s was the next obvious choice. He was raised by his step-mother Anna Nelson, but sadly, she is all but absent from the comics. There simply isn’t enough information about her for us to write anything worth reading. However, his biological mother is a whole different story, and-- in our opinion-- one of the coolest characters in Daredevil. 

    Make fun of Matt all you want for conjuring an imaginary twin brother out of nowhere, but Foggy has pulled far more family members out of thin air than his partner. It takes years for Matt to learn that his friend has a sister, and even longer for him to realize that Anna Nelson is not Foggy’s birth mother. When high-powered attorney Rosalind Sharpe calls the newly-reestablished Nelson and Murdock law office with a job offer, Matt is not expecting Foggy’s emotional reaction-- or the implication that the two have met before. This takes place mere issues after Foggy’s revelation that Matt is Daredevil, so it’s amusing to see the tables turned like this. After all this time, Foggy's earned the right to have some secrets of his own.    

Matt: “Listen. We have to talk about Rosalind’s offer. How well do you really know her?”

Foggy: “Oh, um... gee, not as well as I’d like to... I mean, I’ve known of her for a long time... and she is one of the top lawyers in the country! Truth is-- she’s the reason I became an attorney in the first place.”

Matt: “Really? You never mentioned that before, Foggy... never mentioned her before... Why do I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me?”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #354 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    Rosalind’s offer is straightforward and, on the surface, pretty flattering: she wants Matt and Foggy to join her firm as junior partners. Foggy is ecstatic, his best friend less so. Rosalind is a controlling, no-nonsense person, with an iron will and sharp tongue to rival Matt’s own. The two grate on each other from the start, and Matt is less than interested in working for someone so willing and able to verbally kick his butt. However, there’s a catch to the offer: Rosalind is really only interested in Matt, and if he refuses, Foggy loses the job too. Unwilling to disappoint his friend, Matt grudgingly accepts.

Rosalind: “You two are a package deal: the Blind Barrister and the Dumpy Defender. Get too big for your britches and Foggy... fill in the blank...”

Matt: “For now, I’ll consider your counsel on this matter. I won’t make a habit of it. (Tell her off! Tell her off! Tell her off!) Thank you, Rosalind.”

Foggy: “Our senior partner just blew past me like a hurricane at a trailer park. What’d you do to get her so steamed?”

Matt: “Just a difference of opinion. Nothing a swift blow to the head wouldn’t settle...”

[Daredevil vol 1 #358 by Joe Kelly, Pascual Ferry, and Ian Laughlin]

    As may be clear from this maneuvering, Foggy’s relationship with his mother is... complicated. Since this is Matt’s comic, elements of his life are reflected in the characters who surround him-- and in many ways, Rosalind’s situation is similar to Maggie’s. Like Matt’s mom, she realized soon after giving birth that being a mother wasn’t going to work for her, and so she left-- divorcing her husband and going off to pursue her legal career. In a world of media that contains so many dead mothers, it’s refreshing to see two women who the narrative has allowed to leave their children and live full, separate lives on their own. 

    However, unlike Maggie and Matt, Foggy and Rosalind have always been aware of each other. Rosalind has never been warm and fuzzy enough to try and reach out to her son while he was growing up, but Foggy possesses a massive amount of respect for her. This manifests in his eagerness to work with her, his desire to meet her very high expectations, and his general willingness to put up with her pushing him around and occasionally insulting him. For Rosalind’s part, her motives are always hidden behind several layers of schemes and cynicism, but we do know that she cares about Foggy to a degree, and seems to welcome the opportunity to spend some more time with her son-- if only to whip him into respectable shape and annoy his step-mother.  

Anna: “You abandoned him, Rosalind! You didn’t raise him and you certainly never cared for Foggy!”

Rosalind: “I certainly never cared for that nickname. Why you allowed Franklin to be saddled with it is beyond me. True, I wasn’t ready for a child when I had Franklin, but I hope to make that up to him now... while there’s still time to undo the damage that’s been done.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #360 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

Foggy: “Now listen here, Rose--- you may be my mother, but I’m a grown man and if I want to see Liz I will and you can’t stop me so don’t even try and if you do I’ll-- Hup!”

 Rosalind: “Franklin, if you want to see Ms. Osborn so badly-- please do. I won’t get in your way. It’s about time you stopped letting me push you around. If I’d known it was going to take someone shooting at you to do it, I would’ve aimed a gun at you myself-- long ago!”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #364 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    Yes, Rosalind is a Grade-A jerk-- and proud of it. But this cynicism and ruthlessness makes her a fearsome attorney, and has been cultivated over years of fighting her way into a traditionally male-dominated field. She has made so many enemies over the course of her career that she trusts her own judgement far more than anyone else’s, and no amount of danger phases her. As a young attorney she made her name representing a local mob boss. When she decided she didn’t want to get pulled into criminal underworld, and tried to fight her way free, the mob boss in question was so impressed that he let her go. We mentioned her similarities to Maggie, but Rosalind also embodies echoes of Jack Murdock-- a good person caught in a bad situation, from which she-- unlike Jack-- was able to escape. 

Grippo: “Rose... Rose is like a flame, see? Ya hold it in yer hand.. it goes out or ya get burned. If she’d ever given in to the life I wouldn’t feel this way about her-- but Rose never lost the fire... never stopped fightin’. You ever know someone like that?”

Matt: “Once. A great fighter. He didn’t make it out.”

Grippo: “Just shows how special Rose is. One in a million.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    Rosalind expects the very best from the people around her, and celebrates and acknowledges those who have the same drive and courage that she values in herself. She develops a soft spot for Karen Page, impressed by the way she was able to rebuild her life after her drug addiction. Karen has mixed feelings about Rosalind-- both annoyed at her manipulation and disrespect for Matt and Foggy, and impressed by... pretty much everything else about her.   

Karen: “--can’t believe you’re able to eat, Rose! Maybe you didn’t notice, but someone just tried to kill you!”

Rosalind: “I’ve already put it behind me, Karen-- and I never look back! I see that same spirit in you. The drive and common sense we possess are too often conditioned out of women, don’t you think? My power is considerable, Karen. If you ever have a problem I will gladly help you in any way I can...”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

    This offer of friendship also extends to helping Karen get revenge on Matt for being a jerk-- in classy Rosalind Sharpe style.     

Karen: “Rosalind, when I said I wanted to vent... I just expected to talk--”

Rosalind: “Talk is cheap. Jewelry is not. What fun is it dating a lawyer if you can’t charge presents to his account when he does wrong by you?”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #371 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Christie Scheele] 

    The Sharpe, Nelson, and Murdock (Matt’s name is always last. Always.) period of Daredevil comics is wild and crazy and far too short. Eventually, Foggy gets framed for assaulting a woman, and Rosalind-- unwilling to be associated with the resulting scandal-- fires him from the firm. Matt then quits, disgusted by her lack of loyalty to her son. The next time Rosalind shows up, she’s facing Foggy from across the courtroom, defending the Kingpin from a murder accusation. (She’s not crooked, but she’s got no problem defending crooks.) Since then she has been sadly absent from Matt and Foggy’s lives-- though she does take the time to show up at both of Foggy’s funerals.

Ben: “While the Sheriff’s Deputies are busy with Power Man and Iron Fist, Foggy’s mother, Rosalind Sharpe, slips under their radar... but not Matt’s.”

Rosalind: “--got him killed, you bastard! You got my boy killed!”

Ben: “It’s uncharacteristic of Ms. Sharpe to show so much emotion. But funerals aren’t normal places, and you never know what you’ll see.”

[Daredevil vol 2 #83 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, and Frank D’Armata]

[Daredevil vol. 4 #5 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez]  

    (We love Waid and Co.’s run, but we’ll forever be disappointed that we never got to see Rosalind’s reaction to learning that Matt is Daredevil and that he faked Foggy’s death. Just imagine...)

    The nice thing about deeply entrenched series like Daredevil is that we can be assured that there will always be more. There will always be another story, a new run, and the chance for shelved characters to return. Someday, someone’s gonna bring Rosalind-- the most badass lawyer and best/worst mom ever-- back as a series regular. We can’t wait.    

Rosalind: “There’s an old expression, Daredevil-- ‘Don’t look back... someone might be gaining!’ I’m not blind to the dangers-- but I refuse to live my life in fear. I thought, of all people-- you would understand that.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

[inloveandwords]

The Buzzword Readathon starts on Monday and I’m SO ready.

OK, maybe not SO ready, but kind of ready and also nervous because I have a lot of physical books on my list and only one audio. Finding time to sit down and read a physical book is always a challenge for me, but that’s the whole point right?

If you’d rather watch this TBR and rec, check out my video here:

Otherwise, keep reading!

Buzzword Readathon TBR

The Girl Who Drank the Moon by Kelly Barnhill

Every year, the people of the Protectorate leave a baby as an offering to the witch who lives in the forest. They hope this sacrifice will keep her from terrorizing their town. But the witch in the forest, Xan, is kind and gentle. She shares her home with a wise Swamp Monster named Glerk and a Perfectly Tiny Dragon, Fyrian. Xan rescues the abandoned children and deliver them to welcoming families on the other side of the forest, nourishing the babies with starlight on the journey.

One year, Xan accidentally feeds a baby moonlight instead of starlight, filling the ordinary child with extraordinary magic. Xan decides she must raise this enmagicked girl, whom she calls Luna, as her own. To keep young Luna safe from her own unwieldy power, Xan locks her magic deep inside her. When Luna approaches her thirteenth birthday, her magic begins to emerge on schedule–but Xan is far away. Meanwhile, a young man from the Protectorate is determined to free his people by killing the witch. Soon, it is up to Luna to protect those who have protected her–even if it means the end of the loving, safe world she’s always known.

What if it’s Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera

Arthur is only in New York for the summer, but if Broadway has taught him anything, it’s that the universe can deliver a showstopping romance when you least expect it.

Ben thinks the universe needs to mind its business. If the universe had his back, he wouldn’t be on his way to the post office carrying a box of his ex-boyfriend’s things.

But when Arthur and Ben meet-cute at the post office, what exactly does the universe have in store for them?

Maybe nothing. After all, they get separated.

Maybe everything. After all, they get reunited.

But what if they can’t quite nail a first date . . . or a second first date . . . or a third?

What if Arthur tries too hard to make it work . . . and Ben doesn’t try hard enough?

What if life really isn’t like a Broadway play?

But what if it is?

Anywhere but Here by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

Seven years ago, I left Conway, South Carolina swearing I would never go back. I put that town in my rearview and didn’t stop until there were several hundred miles between me and the memories I wanted to leave behind. But you can’t outrun your own heart. The past always comes back, and it didn’t matter how far I went, I couldn’t erase the mark he left. I’d never met anyone like Kellen Nash before. He made me feel so . . . alive. Until I made the mistake of falling in love with him. I spent seven years trying to forget only to be forced to come face to face with him again. I wasn’t prepared for old wounds to be reopened or for him to still have this effect on me. He nearly broke me once. I won’t give him the chance to do it again, even if he does still look at me like he can see everything I keep hidden inside. There’s too much history between us, like the North and the South, to forgive and forget so easily, but the longer I’m back, the more I start to question what really happened then, and the more I worry about what will happen if he discovers my biggest secret.

At seventeen she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and not at all what I expected. A girl like her didn’t belong with a guy like me, but that didn’t stop me from wanting her, or breaking her heart. I never thought I’d see her again, but she’s back. Only she isn’t the girl I knew. In her place is an angry spitfire even more gorgeous than I remember, and she’s determined to take all that anger out on me. I’ve spent seven years missing her, living with the regret of letting her go, and when I start to catch glimpses of the girl I loved, I realize it’s never too late. Or is it?

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

Dimple Shah has it all figured out. With graduation behind her, she’s more than ready for a break from her family, from Mamma’s inexplicable obsession with her finding the “Ideal Indian Husband.” Ugh. Dimple knows they must respect her principles on some level, though. If they truly believed she needed a husband right now, they wouldn’t have paid for her to attend a summer program for aspiring web developers…right?

Rishi Patel is a hopeless romantic. So when his parents tell him that his future wife will be attending the same summer program as him—wherein he’ll have to woo her—he’s totally on board. Because as silly as it sounds to most people in his life, Rishi wants to be arranged, believes in the power of tradition, stability, and being a part of something much bigger than himself.

The Shahs and Patels didn’t mean to start turning the wheels on this “suggested arrangement” so early in their children’s lives, but when they noticed them both gravitate toward the same summer program, they figured, Why not?

Dimple and Rishi may think they have each other figured out. But when opposites clash, love works hard to prove itself in the most unexpected ways.

Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler

Min Green and Ed Slaterton are breaking up, so Min is writing Ed a letter and giving him a box. Inside the box is why they broke up. Two bottle caps, a movie ticket, a folded note, a box of matches, a protractor, books, a toy truck, a pair of ugly earrings, a comb from a motel room, and every other item collected over the course of a giddy, intimate, heartbreaking relationship. Item after item is illustrated and accounted for, and then the box, like a girlfriend, will be dumped.

Roar by Stacy Sims

Women are not small men. Stop eating and training like one.

Because most nutrition products and training plans are designed for men, it’s no wonder that so many female athletes struggle to reach their full potential. ROAR is a comprehensive, physiology-based nutrition and training guide specifically designed for active women. This book teaches you everything you need to know to adapt your nutrition, hydration, and training to your unique physiology so you can work with, rather than against, your female physiology. Exercise physiologist and nutrition scientist Stacy T. Sims, PhD, shows you how to be your own biohacker to achieve optimum athletic performance.

Complete with goal-specific meal plans and nutrient-packed recipes to optimize body composition, ROAR contains personalized nutrition advice for all stages of training and recovery. Customizable meal plans and strengthening exercises come together in a comprehensive plan to build a rock-solid fitness foundation as you build lean muscle where you need it most, strengthen bone, and boost power and endurance. Because women’s physiology changes over time, entire chapters are devoted to staying strong and active through pregnancy and menopause. No matter what your sport is—running, cycling, field sports, triathlons—this book will empower you with the nutrition and fitness knowledge you need to be in the healthiest, fittest, strongest shape of your life.

♥ ♥ ♥

Buzzword Readathon Recs from my Bookshelf

Hideous Love by Stephanie Hemphill

An all-consuming love affair.

A family torn apart by scandal.

A young author on the brink of greatness.

Hideous Love is the fascinating story of Gothic novelist Mary Shelley, who as a teen girl fled her restrictive home only to find herself in the shadow of a brilliant but moody boyfriend, famed poet Percy Shelley. It is the story of the mastermind behind one of the most iconic figures in all of literature: a monster constructed out of dead bodies and brought to life by the tragic Dr. Frankenstein.

Mary wrote Frankenstein at the age of nineteen, but inspiration for the monster came from her life-the atmospheric European settings she visited, the dramas swirling around her, and the stimulating philosophical discussions with the greatest minds of the period, like her close friend, Lord Byron.

This luminous verse novel from award-winning author Stephanie Hemphill reveals how Mary Shelley became one of the most celebrated authors in history.

What I Thought Was True by Huntley Fitzpatrick

Gwen Castle has never so badly wanted to say good-bye to her island home till now: the summer her Biggest Mistake Ever, Cassidy Somers, takes a job there as the local yard boy. He’s a rich kid from across the bridge in Stony Bay, and she hails from a family of fishermen and housecleaners who keep the island’s summer people happy. Gwen worries a life of cleaning houses will be her fate too, but just when it looks like she’ll never escape her past—or the island—Gwen’s dad gives her some shocking advice. Sparks fly and secret histories unspool as Gwen spends a gorgeous, restless summer struggling to resolve what she thought was true—about the place she lives, the people she loves, and even herself—with what really is.

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Everyone in Shaker Heights was talking about it that summer: how Isabelle, the last of the Richardson children, had finally gone around the bend and burned the house down.

In Shaker Heights, a placid, progressive suburb of Cleveland, everything is meticulously planned – from the layout of the winding roads, to the colours of the houses, to the successful lives its residents will go on to lead. And no one embodies this spirit more than Elena Richardson, whose guiding principle is playing by the rules.

Enter Mia Warren – an enigmatic artist and single mother – who arrives in this idyllic bubble with her teenage daughter Pearl, and rents a house from the Richardsons. Soon Mia and Pearl become more than just tenants: all four Richardson children are drawn to the alluring mother-daughter pair. But Mia carries with her a mysterious past, and a disregard for the rules that threatens to upend this carefully ordered community.

When the Richardsons’ friends attempt to adopt a Chinese-American baby, a custody battle erupts that dramatically divides the town and puts Mia and Mrs. Richardson on opposing sides. Suspicious of Mia and her motives, Mrs. Richardson becomes determined to uncover the secrets in Mia’s past. But her obsession will come at unexpected and devastating costs to her own family – and Mia’s.

Little Fires Everywhere explores the weight of long-held secrets and the ferocious pull of motherhood-and the danger of believing that planning and following the rules can avert disaster, or heartbreak.

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore

To everyone who knows them, best friends Miel and Sam are as strange as they are inseparable. Roses grow out of Miel’s wrist, and rumors say that she spilled out of a water tower when she was five. Sam is known for the moons he paints and hangs in the trees, and for how little anyone knows about his life before he and his mother moved to town. But as odd as everyone considers Miel and Sam, even they stay away from the Bonner girls, four beautiful sisters rumored to be witches. Now they want the roses that grow from Miel’s skin, convinced that their scent can make anyone fall in love. And they’re willing to use every secret Miel has fought to protect to make sure she gives them up.

How to Find Love in a Bookshop by Veronica Henry

The enchanting story of a bookshop, its grieving owner, a supportive literary community, and the extraordinary power of books to heal the heart

Nightingale Books, nestled on the main street in an idyllic little village, is a dream come true for book lovers–a cozy haven and welcoming getaway for the literary-minded locals. But owner Emilia Nightingale is struggling to keep the shop open after her beloved father’s death, and the temptation to sell is getting stronger. The property developers are circling, yet Emilia’s loyal customers have become like family, and she can’t imagine breaking the promise she made to her father to keep the store alive.

There’s Sarah, owner of the stately Peasebrook Manor, who has used the bookshop as an escape in the past few years, but it now seems there’s a very specific reason for all those frequent visits. Next is roguish Jackson, who, after making a complete mess of his marriage, now looks to Emilia for advice on books for the son he misses so much. And the forever shy Thomasina, who runs a pop-up restaurant for two in her tiny cottage–she has a crush on a man she met in the cookbook section, but can hardly dream of working up the courage to admit her true feelings.

Enter the world of Nightingale Books for a serving of romance, long-held secrets, and unexpected hopes for the future–and not just within the pages on the shelves. How to Find Love in a Bookshop is the delightful story of Emilia, the unforgettable cast of customers whose lives she has touched, and the books they all cherish.

♥ ♥ ♥

Buzzword Readathon Recs I’ve Read

Atheists Who Kneel and Pray by Tarryn Fisher

Yara Phillips is a wandering muse.

She dates men who need her, but always moves on to something new, never staying in one place for very long.

David Lisey is in need of a muse.

A talented musician lacking lyrical inspiration. When he first sees her, he knows he’s found what he’s been looking for.

Yara believes she can give David exactly what he needs to reach his full potential: A broken heart.

David’s religion is love.

Yara’s religion is heartache.

Neither is willing to surrender, but religion always requires sacrifice.

The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson

Adrift after her sister Bailey’s sudden death, Lennie finds herself torn between quiet, seductive Toby—Bailey’s boyfriend who shares her grief—and Joe, the new boy in town who bursts with life and musical genius. Each offers Lennie something she desperately needs… though she knows if the two of them collide her whole world will explode.

Join Lennie on this heartbreaking and hilarious journey of profound sorrow and mad love, as she makes colossal mistakes and colossal discoveries, as she traipses through band rooms and forest bedrooms and ultimately right into your heart.

As much a celebration of love as a poignant portrait of loss, Lennie’s struggle to sort her own melody out of the noise around her is always honest, often uproarious, and absolutely unforgettable.

Where the Silence Gathers by Kelsey Sutton

In this companion novel to the critically acclaimed Some Quiet Place, Alex must choose between Revenge and Forgiveness.

For as long as she can remember, Alexandra Tate has been able to see personified Emotions, and she’s found a best friend in Revenge. He’s her constant companion as she waits outside Nate Foster’s house, clutching a gun. Every night since Nate’s release from prison, Alex has tried to work up the courage to exact her own justice on him for the drunk driving accident that killed her family.

But there’s one problem: Forgiveness. When he appears, Alex is faced with a choice—moving on or getting even. It’s impossible to decide with Forgiveness whispering in one ear . . . and Revenge whispering in the other.

Buzzword Readathon TBR & Recs! + {New Video} The Buzzword Readathon starts on Monday and I'm SO ready. OK, maybe not SO ready, but kind of ready and also nervous because I have a lot of physical books on my list and only one audio.

[kellydiels]

that time I went to San Francisco to a feminist book reading (#RageBecomesHer by Soraya Chemaly) the same day as the Kavanaugh hearing

this is an excerpt from one of my Sunday Love Letters. If you’d like to subscribe, you can do that here.

*** 

This was an unusual week for me. Not only did I leave the house, I left the country! And WITHOUT CHILDREN IN TOW.

It was amazing.

It was also a bit surreal.

I went to San Francisco to see Rebecca Solnit and Soraya Chemaly in conversation at Book Passage. 

They were talking about Soraya Chemaly's new book Rage Becomes Her(aff) (it's TERRIFIC).

I interviewed Soraya five years ago for a piece I wrote in 2013 for Salon about the online harassment of women.

(It was called Women’s free speech is under attack: The threats and trolling women receive online silence them just as effectively as any censorship.)

At the time, Soraya was working in her role at Women's Media Centre advocating for the protection of women's speech and working with online platforms, trying to steer them into developing methods of preventing/reporting online abuse.

At the precise moment we talked for my piece, there were spontaneous and organized online campaigns mounting against women who dared to suggest women's faces should be on currency.

It would only get worse.

The next year, in 2014, Gamergate erupted. Zoe Quinn, Brianna Wu and Anita Sarkeesian were targets of such wide-scale, organized, deliberate abuse that they had to move out of their homes and have security when they appeared in public. The misogynist networks that coalesced to abuse them still arguably help mobilize and fuel murderous incel rage and massacres and white nationalism. It's not simply that people say unkind or critical things online, which is how the issue is sometimes deliberately misunderstood; it's that men (and primarily white men) are trying to take back spaces that they think belong to them -- starting with the internet, where they meet and build take-down skills and fortify each other in their misogyny and racism, and arguably continuing through to Charlottesville and the most recent US presidential election.

Anyway. All this is to say that's how I "met" Soraya five years ago-- around the topic of how men organize online to silence and terrorize women. Fun times!

And then at Soraya's reading on Thursday, I met Anita Sarkeesian, who was in the audience.

When I came home and told my 14 year old daughter that I met Anita Sarkeesian, she screamed. She follows Feminist Frequency and LOVES Anita, Ebony Adams, and Carolyn Petit. Meeting Anita Sarkeesian -- by accident, for all of a minute!! -- gave me so much cred in my daughters' eyes. She took the postcard Anita gave me promoting her new book and stashed it in her box o' precious things. I wish I'd had Anita sign it.

Sidenote: Anita Sarkeesian and Ebony Adams have a new book coming out next week. It's called History Vs Women (aff) and it profiles several badass feminists who've been left out of the usual history books.

I digress.

What I WANTED to tell you was that I was staying with my friend in El Cerrito and on Thursday morning, we went out for a walk. When we came back, their wife said we should really watch the hearings, because it was unbelievable the way Brett Kavanaugh conducted himself vs how Dr. Ford conducted herself. His anger, she said. His anger.

She was right. We watched the clips with growing sense of wonder, and not the good kind.

It was so stark, so obvious. It was everything we already knew about power and gender and social conditioning, happening right before our eyes. Here's a woman who has experienced incredible violation and trauma yet she's composed, accommodating, helpful, and brilliantly self-expressive. Here's a man who is accused of being a serial predator, and he's nominated for one of the most prestigious + powerful offices in the land, and he cannot keep his shit together. He's palpably angry and not handling it well. He's flinging it all over the place, simultaneously not caring who it lands on and HOPING it lands on people and hurts them and punishes them. And oh my god, the entitlement.

As my friend pointed out, the conditioning applied to feminized persons just makes for better humans.

I was watching this, as a survivor, suspecting it was all a sham. They'd have this hearing, and confirm the nomination anyways -- but they'd be able to say that due process happened! Fuckers.

So, appropriately, I was fairly outraged. And scheduled to attend a reading about feminist rage, by a feminist, with two other feminists.

PURRRRRFECT.

It was the right place, with the right people, on the right day.

A room full of outraged feminist, talking about a book about rage.

Before Rebecca Solnit and Soraya Chemaly even started talking about Soraya's new book, they opened up a discussion about the hearings. People in the audience were sharing their thoughts, reactions, insights, experiences.

I wish you were there. It was the pure feminist fortification we needed after a day like that.

It was SO AFFIRMING. It was so hopeful. (Rebecca Solnit, over and over again said, "I'm the hope lady" -- referring to her book, Hope in the Dark (aff).)

Van Jones said something on TV about the hearings: that there is a superpower in the US, and it's angry women.

I'm hoping he's right; and I'd modify that to say feminists instead of women. Not all feminists are women; and goddess knows you can't count on all women, especially not patriarchy-aligned white women (Trump-voting women, I'm looking at you. Not that any of them are likely to read this newsletter.)

After the reading, which was AMAZING -- of course Rebecca and Soraya were incredible, but it was the brilliance and solidarity in the room that refuelled me -- I went to dinner with Linda Bacon [Health at Every Size (aff), Body Respect (aff)] and Virgie Tovar [You Have the Right To Remain Fat (aff)].

I have to admit: the whole trip I was thinking, how is this my life???!! And with each conversation and connection with each brilliant person I have admired for years, that feeling only intensified.

The day, which started with despair and outrage, became non-stop feminist affirmation and galvanization. My gawd, the brilliance and joy and resourcefulness our collective contains.

And even how I was able to take this trip to San Francisco is because of feminist solidarity and their sharing of time and resources.

I was telling my sister how important Soraya's work and her new book Rage Becomes Her is to me; how I wish I could go to this event featuring two of my feminist heroes. But I just moved and the move ate all my money, there's no one to take care of my kids, blah blah blah.

My (super-feminist) sister said, "BUT I WORK FOR AN AIRLINE, KELLY."

And lo, free tickets materialized.

My mom, who regularly writes me expletive-filled texts about government officials and this hearing and recently wrote Nike a thank you note celebrating their partnership with Colin Kaepernick, said, "Grandma has got this."

And she did, in my house with my four kids, for two days.

And than MORE THAN ONE friend in the Bay Area said come stay with me!

And then dinner plans materialized.

AND I AM FUELLED UP.

We schemed, we dreamed. We affirmed and galvanized each other so we've got the energy and resources to keep moving forward, keep resisting, keep culture-making, keep inventing a future where shit like this -- from sexual assault to institutional collusion -- WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE.

I'm writing this yes, to share a little pocket of extraordinary joy from my life with you. (Seriously, this is not my ordinary routine, so it was the literal definition of extraordinary). Joy is fuel too, and contagious, and ought to be shared with abandon.

But I'm also writing to encourage you to get together with other feminists and process what happened.

Affirm each other. Fortify and strengthen each other. It really, really, REALLY helps to do this with other people, in community, rather than just in your own head.

AND THEN PLOT SOMETHING TOGETHER.

A workshop. A protest. A piece of art. An op-ed. A series of social media posts. A new feminist book club so you can help raise consciousness among friends and family. An appointment to reconvene and refuel each other each week. Some kind of collaboration, some kind of action. It doesn't have to be huge. But let's keep pushing the movement and analysis and solidarity forward.

I'm finding ways to collaborate with brilliant feminist folk. Because it's easy for groups and systems to target one person and take them down.

(Or try to. Anita Sarkeesian is still here, still working, still thriving.)

But it's awfully hard to outnumber a multitude.

Let's be so connected to each other and so powerful in our solidarity that we are impossible to silence.

Let's make a future that is fair and feminist.

We can only do that together.

Thank you to all the feminists who keep rallying around me with material and emotional support so that I can do my work and my part. I'm more committed than ever before to make sure I'm that for you, too.