#EVERYTHING IS HAPPY AND NOTHING HURTS!
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gaily-daily-musings · 1 year ago
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Back to the future to the Clone wars!
I have an idea where after rotj, Luke time travels back to the clone wars due to Force shenanigans. It just dumps him at the front of the Jedi Temple. Thinking this is just a vision, he walks in. People give him weird looks. Everyone knows everyone at the temple and they've no idea who this blonde twink is. 
Meanwhile Luke is just wandering around entranced! So this is what the Jedi order was supposed to be like! So bright and good, like a beacon. So many people. He's overwhelmed. He starts to tear up. The Force did not feel like this in his timeline. It had been broken and bent. Even after his father restored balance the Light side did not feel so full like this. 
Naturally he is eventually stopped and taken to the Council. This is when Luke realizes he Fucked Up and this is all somehow very real.
Several seats are empty. The only person he recognizes is Yoda. He seems so different from the one he'd met on Dagobah. 
The doors open behind him and two men stroll through. 
"Sorry we're late. Someone held us up."
"Hey! Don't put this on me! You're the one who had to comb his hair for the hundredth time!"
Luke stares. Obi-Wan Kenobi takes his seat. He was so much younger. Only a few gray strands in his auburn hair. The other man is harder to place. But somehow Luke knows. 
Luke blinks heavily. He can't quite math right now, but by his calculations Anakin was only a year older than him. It was just…weird seeing him like this. No scars except for the one on his right brow. Dirty blonde hair that curled. He was quite handsome when he was younger. He hadn't known that. 
Anakin takes a seat beside Obi-Wan. They are still smiling fondly at each other. 
"Good, now that we're all finally here. Who are you?" Asks the scary black man Jedi, tearing Luke out of his thoughts.
"I'm Luke Sk–" kriff he can't say Skywalker! "Skyyyyy. Yep. Luke sky."
Luke feels apprehensive. These are the Jedi Masters of old so surely he can trust them. But they are still strangers. Would they even believe him if he told them the truth?
After a few awkward questions Luke asks to speak with Yoda privately. Hoping his old master will give him the benefit of the doubt. 
He is granted a private audience everyone clears out. Luke ends up telling him everything. That he's from the future. That he'd been exploring an old Jedi temple when suddenly the Force opened up and spat him out here. He believes that perhaps he is meant to prevent a great catastrophe from coming to pass. 
Yoda feels the truth of his words. 
"Truth you speak. Pure your heart is."
"Have you ever heard of someone traveling through time?" Luke asks.
Yoda shakes his head. "Strange the Force is. Stanger things, still, have happened."
They don't know how to get Luke back but in the meantime Luke wants to figure out how to fix the past.
Yoda holds up a clawed hand. "Careful we must be. Undo the threads of fate you will, should you not proceed with caution."
"But that's what I'm trying to do! Undo the past!"
"Rewrite too much and cause more destruction you might."
Luke thinks for a moment. Even more destruction? He cannot even imagine it. 
"Delicate, time is. Perhaps not meant to change things you are. Meant to learn."
Luke cannot accept that. If the Force wanted him to learn then this would be a simple vision. He wouldn't actually, physically be here. Luke didn't want to break time itself, just a very specific Sith Lord. 
They assign him temporary rooms and Luke leaves to mediate in them. He thinks about everything that has happened. Everything that will happen. Yoda was right. If Luke tried to take Palpatine down now yeah he could save the galaxy. But what if he was killed in the attempt? What if he failed? It was his father who killed Palpatine in his timeline. He was still the Chosen One. It was his destiny that would bring balance to the Force not Luke's. Would interfering with that change the prophecy?
He pulls up the datapad they provided him with. He does not know exactly how the Order falls nor when. Palpatine controlled the narrative and he cannot trust what history holobooks have taught him. But he does know the gist of it. That at this very point in time Sidous is trying to poison his father's mind, and he is manipulating both the Republic and Separatists from the Chancellor's seat. 
He reads up on the current affairs in the holonews. They were near the end of the war it looked like. Dooku has been defeated by Anakin Skywalker. He could tell the Council who Palpatine was and they could all arrest him and justice would be served. But then would the galaxy still view the Jedi traitors as they had been in the future? Palpatine had twisted the narrative in his favor last time. Could he twist it again? Luke has no evidence of Palpatine's deceit. No one to testify. Count Dooku is already dead and cannot come forward. His only real chance is to record the Chancellor and reveal his plans. But that in itself was a dangerous task. He needed help. 
Coming out of meditation, Luke goes back Yoda's quarters. But apparently he is away at the moment. He paces nervously down the hall to find him. He'll just have to tell him who Sidious is and then convince him to let Luke gather evidence first instead of going to fight him. 
He comes across the refectory. He was rather hungry. Perhaps he should eat. Luke stops dead in his tracks when he sees his father and Ben walking out. 
He's staring so hard that Anakin Skywalker looks at him. "You got a problem buddy?" His father frowns at him. "You were staring before too."
"Anakin, be nice." Obi-Wan chides him. "He's probably never seen The Hero with No Fear in person before."
Anakin blushes, immediately turning to his former Master. "Obi-Wan!"
Obi-Wan chuckles warmly, it is light and simultaneously deep. So much brighter and carefree than old man Ben.
Anakin turns back to him. He squints. "Hey, do I know you from somewhere? You seem familiar."
"Nope! Gotta go I hear someone calling me bye!"
He rushes away, heart pounding. 
After that disastrous ordeal, Luke calms down enough to go find Yoda. After asking several people, he locates him in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. It's unlike anything he's seen. It's beautiful. 
"Come, sit." Yoda waves a claw beside him. 
"Master Yoda." Luke bows his head. "I know you advised against changing the past, but I believe if we do this right, we can prevent the Dark Side from triumphing." 
He then tells him about Sidious. Yoda is grave at the news. But when Luke proposes to spy on him to record evidence Yoda hums thoughtfully. Then to his surprise, he chuckles. 
"Perhaps meant to change the future after all you were." 
"What do you mean?"
Yoda pokes the end of his stick at him. "Tasked with spying on the Chancellor, Anakin Skywalker already has been."
-
Luke is to watch Anakin watching Palpatine. Which, yeah alright, convoluted planning but Luke doesn't know what else to do. The official story he's given is that Luke is a Jedi who has lost his memory and needs a liaison to help him get back on his feet. Anakin is just the man for the job. Which means he gets to shadow Anakin everywhere. 
Palpatine warmly greets him at their first meeting, giving his condolences for his amnesia. 
"We can only hope it's temporary." He says. 
"Yep." Luke sits awkwardly. Wishing to be elsewhere, wishing he could just take his saber and fight him now. 
"Will you be joining Anakin from now on?"
"Not everywhere sir." Luke says, reminding himself to be polite. "Knight Skywalker mentioned he was meeting you and I just couldn't pass up the chance to meet the Chancellor of the Republic."
Palpatine chuckles. "Understandable, Knight Sky. I do hope I live up to your expectations."
Luke smiles with all teeth. "You do, sir."
-
Only Yoda is aware of Luke's secret mission to help Anakin spy on Palpatine. Because of that, it would be moot to accompany his father to every meeting. Palpatine wouldn't incriminate himself in front of a stranger. So Luke shadows Anakin to the Senate building and then pretends to wait outside while they visit. He claims he's aquainting himself with the other Senators and exploring the city when in reality he is listening in. He carefully attaches recording devices to Anakin's robes. He feels bad for the deception, but he knows it would only anger his father to learn that Luke was here as a spy too. He'd probably think that Yoda was undermining him. That he didn't have faith in his talents or worse. 
Luke ends up moving into Anakin’s old padawan room as part of his cover. He sees a picture of him and Ahsoka. Anakin holds the picture looking sad. Luke wishes he could tell him she grew up to be strong and wise in the Force even if she did not wear the title of Jedi. She embodied their values and carried Anakin with her close to her heart. But he cannot say anything. So he does not. 
Rooming with his father is weird but fun. They have fame nights. They say up watching bad holomovies. They take turns cooking meals. Anakin is everything Ben and Ahsoka had told him and more. He is carefree, but also determined. He is passionate and headstrong. Luke loves him. And he misses him. 
And so, the shadowing. As Anakin "re-teaches" Luke the basics of being a Jedi, he finds out just how much time his father actually spends with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Which is nearly all of it. And it's nice for the most part. Ben was kind and Luke had always liked him. This version is even chattier. He jokes more. But there are times when things get a bit…awkward. 
Luke finds himself in the middle of more than one argument between his old mentor and his father. It's uncomfortable as sith's hells. It was like they constantly forgot Luke was even in the room. Luke doesn't know which is worse; when they started fighting about whose turn it was to do the dishes ("I don't even live here!" "You're over so much you practically do!") or when they weren't even fighting and just got lost staring into each other's eyes or something. Also the pet names were… certainly there. 
Every lunch period they sat pressed side by side at the table and ate off each other's plates. Luke is forced to watch.
"You have some sauce on your face, darling." Obi-Wan wipes it off with his thumb. His hand lingers on Anakin's chin. His father's eyes are heavy and dark as they look at Obi-Wan. 
If Luke didn't know for a Fact that Anakin was married to Padme he would have bet the entire Republic that Ben and his father had been intimate. Which first of all, ew, second, what the fuck?
The man named Quinlan, who he'd been introduced to as Obi-Wan's old friend, pats his back sympathetically. "You'll get used to it. Everybody else is. They're just weird like that."
Luke cannot comprehend this. His brain refuses. It was like seeing your parents kiss except worse because Obi-Wan was Anakin's old Master. Luke cannot possibly imagine having the hots for any of his mentors.
Also, Ben has never mentioned this before?!? Then again perhaps it was for the best. Obviously Ben wouldn't have said anything to him about his odd relationship with Anakin. They were friends. That was that. 
-
The more Luke observes and listens in to closed door meetings, the more he is convinced of what he needs to do. Palpatine was clearly trying to separate The Team. He wanted to drive a wedge between Anakin and the Order. More specifically, Anakin and Obi-Wan. If Luke wanted to save the galaxy, he needed to keep them together.
When it is suggested that Obi-Wan go to Utapau to defeat General Grievous, Luke strongly advises against it. But the council overrules him. He is not a member after all. Luke wishes the Jedi records hadn't been destroyed for this time period. He's flying blind here. He's no idea what is supposed to happen. And if he doesn't know, then he can't take the correct steps to prevent it. 
A few days after Obi-Wan leaves, Luke feels something stir in the Force. He grabs his comlink and contacts Obi-Wan in hysterics. 
"This is Luke Sky, you have to come back to Coruscant!"
Obi-Wan refuses. The council has given him a mission. 
"Anakin is in danger!"
Obi-Wan is silent and then, "What's happened?"
"I don't know exactly what's going on but the Force is in flux! If you do not come back right now, Anakin will fall to the Dark!"
"...how can you possibly know that?" He sounds suspicious. Disbelieving.
"Because I'm from the future!" He yells into the comm. "Only Master Yoda knows! He didn't want me to cause ripples in the timeline so we didn't tell anyone else! But that doesn't matter! Anakin Skywalker will become a Sith if you do not come back NOW! Look into the Force! Can't you feel it?? It's screaming!"
Obi-Wan does not respond for a minute. "I understand your distressed, but I have my orders."
The comm goes silent.
-
Anakin rushes into the Council the next day. His face is pale and his breath is coming fast. He won't tell Luke what happened but Luke already knows. This is it. Sidious has revealed himself to him. 
They go to the Council together. Anakin looks around, asking for Obi-Wan. Have him holo in at least. But Obi-Wan is out of reach and unavailable. So is Yoda. Off on Kashyyyk.
Mace, Kit, and Koth all go to arrest him. Anakin is ordered to stay behind with Luke. He paces angrily. 
"They'll kill him…" He mutters. "They can't…I need him alive!"
Luke cannot calm him down. He tries but his words mean nothing to the man in front of him. Anakin won't listen. Anakin breaks free and rushes to the Senate building. Luke is close at his heels, he can't afford to let him out of his sight. When they get there the fight has already started. Only Mace is still alive by the time they arrive. 
"Skywalker! Help me! We must end the Sith!"
"No! He needs to face trial!"
"He's too dangerous to be kept alive!"
Luke gripes his saber. What was the right choice here? Jump in and kill Palpatine? Or keep trying to calm his father down? Nothing seemed to be working on him. Anakin was only getting more and more agitated as Mace talked. He looked ill, he looked crazed. 
"Anakin listen to Mace! It'll be alright! I have evidence of Palpatine's deceit! We can prove his guilt in court later but for now we need to defeat him!"
"What?" Anakin swivels towards him. "How do you…no, I don't care about evidence!" He spits. "I care about Padme! She's gonna die! I can't let her die!"
Wind whips around them as the window shatters from force lightning. Luke feels it swirl around. He's so confused. What did Sidious have to do with saving Padme? He thought she died in childbirth? He didn't have all the pieces. Something was missing.
Palpatine moves, Mace counters. Anakin cuts off Mace's hand. Mace screams in pain. Like a viper Sidious strikes, and then Mace is falling out the window. Luke tries to grab him but it's too late. It's too late. 
Sidious is laughing. It is ugly and triumphant. Anakin falls backwards. "What have I done?" He gasps. 
Luke goes to him. 
"Come on! We can still stop him!"
Lighting hits him. Luke is thrown into the wall. He screams and clutches his sides. His skin burns. 
"Thank you, my boy." Sidious says. "You have chosen wisely. I will give you the knowledge you need to save your wife, I promise you. But first, you must kneel before me and become my apprentice."
"Don't do it!"
Sidious blasts him again. He cries out. Anakin falls more than kneels. He's sweating, hands clenching and unclenching. 
Father no!
Luke squeezes his eyes shut. He cannot watch this. He's failed.
"Anakin!"
His eyes snap open. Obi-Wan pants at the doorway, his saber drawn, chest heaving. He stares at Sidious, at the bodies of Koth and Kit Fisto. He spares a glance at Luke as well. 
Sidious snarls at him. "Kenobi!" He raises his hands. 
"No!" Anakin stands, planting himself between the two. Between Dark and Light. "You can't!"
"The Jedi are all traitors! Look at what they've tried to do! They wanted to kill me and take over the Republic!"
"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" Obi-Wan cuts through him. He looks at Anakin. "Anakin are you alright?"
Anakin can barely think. His mind feels split apart. Luke knows this because he feels Anakin's pain as if it were his own. He can feel the choice warring inside him. 
"We can't kill him…" He pleads weakly at Obi-Wan. 
"Stand aside, my apprentice!" Sidious orders. "Today you and I shall purge the Jedi threat!"
Obi-Wan narrows his eyes. "Your apprentice?" He hisses. Luke has never seen Ben angry. He looks like a God, blue sabe blazing hungry for justice. "You will never sully my Padawan with your filthy hands!"
"I already have!" Sidious laughs. "Mace Windu is dead thanks to his help!"
Anakin flinches. 
Obi-Wan's expression stiffens. "Is this true?"
Anakin backs away from him. Unable to look him in the eye. 
"He is already mine! Now Anakin, kill him and take your rightful place by my side!"
"I didn't mean to." Anakin whispers, tears streaming down his cheeks. 
Obi-Wan swallows, shaking off his shock. "I believe you. It's not too late, come back to me, darling." He holds out his hand for Anakin to take. "You're still a Jedi, we can get through this together."
"There is no going back! Only forward!" Sidious cackles. "Come Anakin! What will it be? Join me and save your wife, or join the Jedi traitor and slay both me and the Republic which you stand for?"
Obi-Wan falters at the word 'wife.' Anakin's hands are pulling at his hair. He's shaking apart. 
Sidious gives a smirk over at Obi-Wan. "The boy has already chosen, Kenobi. Or did he not yet share with you the fact that he planned to leave the Order and forsake his vows to be with Padmé? She's pregnant, you know."
Obi-Wan's hand is still outstretched but it has lowered significantly. He looks from Sidious to Anakin, trying to find the lie. Anakin's face tells all. Sidious grins. 
"Or perhaps you should tell him of your misdeeds on Tatooine?"
"Stop!" Anakin begs him. But Sidious does not listen.
"Remember how you told me about that night? How you touched the dark side and massacred an entire village in revenge for your mother's death?"
Obi-Wan's face is pale. His arm pulls back, no longer reaching for him. Anakin gives a sob. 
Palpatine places a hand over Anakin's shoulder. "You see my boy? Even your old master rejects you. Only I accept you for who you are."
The Force roars around him. Whispering to him. Luke finds the strength to stand. His bones scream at him to lie back down. But he must. He must do this. 
"Tell him the truth!" He yells. All three heads swivel in his direction. Sidious looks confused, like he'd completely forgotten Luke was even there.
Luke looks at Obi-Wan. "Tell him the truth!" He begs. He doesn't even know what truth he is referring to. But somehow he knows this is what the Force wants him to say.
Obi-Wan looks back at Anakin. His eyes trace his face. The face of a man who had lied to him and kept secrets. Who would leave his side for another. Who would make deals with Sith Lords for knowledge and power.
"Dear one," his hand reaches out once more, palm up, waiting for his hand. "I'm here. I'm not leaving. Whatever it is that troubles you, I will help you." He pauses, voice wobbling from emotion. "I love you, Anakin. No matter what you have done I love you always."
Anakin gives a wretched cry. He reaches to take Obi-Wan's hand. 
Sidious snarls. "NO!" Lightning crackles. "Kenobi you have interfered for the last time!"
Sidious raises his hands. 
Anakin swirls on the spot. He lights his saber without thought. Acting on instinct. He cuts Sidious from shoulder to sternum. The old man falls dead. 
Anakin collapses onto the floor. Obi-Wan immediately hugs him to chest. He shushes him quietly. 
"I'm here, I'm here it's alright. You did it Anakin. He's gone."
With the danger passed, the adrenaline leaves Luke and he collapses. His eyes close and the world fades away.
-
Luke opens his eyes to an opulent ceiling. He squints at it. He does not recognize this ceiling. He sits up. Where was he?
He can see he is in a room with lavish furniture and carvings surrounding him. He gets up and wanders out. The balcony shows him a lush, beautiful lakeside. He turns back inside to investigate. Was he still in the past?
The door flings itself open. His sister walks in. She looks angry. 
"Leia!" He goes to hug her. He wraps his arms around her. She squirms against him. 
"Luke, what are you doing? Stop it!"
"I missed you so much! Where even are we? How did we get here?"
Leia flattens him with a look. "Acting stupid won't save you from getting out of it! I know you and mom conspired against me! Admit it!"
Luke stops. "Mom?" He whispers.
"Yes! Our mother! You both went behind my back and invited Dad to my wedding! It's my wedding, I can ban whomever I want!"
"You're getting married?"
Leia squints. "Real cute, Luke. It's soooo funny that someone actually wants to marry haha we get it. Just fess up and admit it! You invited Dad, didn't you?!"
Okay so, if he has this right, it is present time. But a different present where Padme lived. Okay. Cool. He can uh, he can work with that.
"Why…don't you want Dad at your wedding?" He asks slowly. 
Please don't say it's because he's evil. Please say he didn't become a Sith lord after all. 
"Are you serious?!" She snaps. "He cheated on mom! I know you forgave him but I won't! That bastard broke her heart!"
Luke's head is reeling. He opens his mouth then wisely closes it. 
"Ugh! You're impossible!" She flies out of the room.
Luke is left stranded in the middle of the room. Breathe. Just breathe.
Then, once his nerves settle, he whoops with joy. He runs to the bed and throws himself onto it. He did it. He did it! He changed the past! 
Que awkward breakfast scene with the family. Anakin and Obi-Wan arrived just an hour ago and Luke's joy at seeing them is overshadowed by Leia's death glare. Han is just as much of a scoundrel as ever, nothing new there. Padme is a vision and he hugged her for longer than what might have been appropriate considering he was supposed to have seen her yesterday. Also he accidentally calls Obi-Wan "Ben" and that makes everyone look at him weird. 
From what he can gather, Leia's wedding was tomorrow, Ahsoka–or rather Aunt Ahsoka–was coming, Obi-Wan had left the Order to be with Anakin a few years ago, and also Luke still had both hands. 
"Why are you smiling so much? It's weird." Leia kicks him under the table. 
Luke kicks back. "Just happy to see my family all in one place."
Leia rolls her eyes but she's smiling too. 
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dukeofthomas · 4 months ago
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why does every reconciliation fic go like this
#my dc posting#jason todd#red hood#jason todd fanart#ugh i forgot to change tim n dick's skin colours aa i already put my drawing stuff away whatever#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#<- main offenders#no but. jason will be making some absolutely great points#ill be cheering him on like YEAH know ur fucking value good job call them the fuck out dont fall for their shit!!#then there will be one (1) event n suddenly the author pulls a complete 180#all of jason's valid issues n complaints r swept away without ever being solved#at most he's given a few flimsy excuses or justifications#n suddenly hes all happy n dandy w them#like 🤨🤨🤨 what!!!#like nothing changes nobody makes any effort but apparently one sentence going 'omg no it wasnt like that jason 😭' is enough to sweep#everything under the rug#like why have i never read a fic where anyone actually works to change. to right the wrongs theyve done. to apolgoize and do better.#aside form of course jason going 'i see now that murder is wrong i was stupid n angry for no good reason good thing the pit madness has bee#solved/managed better n i have apologized to Poor Little 10yo Baby Tim whom i hurt and traumatized So Badly how will he ever forgive me...'#'fuck my family wtf is wrong w these assholes' 'i killed the joker for like 3 minutes' 'i love you i have no further issues aside from#Teenage Angst which will be cured via being told my anger is disproportional and of course one (1) hug form my Dearest Father'#when will i read someone 'pullin the alfred card' and jason respondin w 'fuck alfred'. he deserves to be an asshole w the way hes treated..#ok ill stop now im just. very done w this stuff
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its-your-mind · 6 months ago
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assorted CR cast reactions to first (conscious) fjorester kiss
plus bonus travis turning bright red and dying of embarrassment and laura losing her entire shit as soon as the scene is done
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j0ly0n · 1 year ago
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failgirl. girlemployee
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gregmarriage · 6 months ago
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this is a renaissance painting to me <3
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yourtearsaremyink · 6 months ago
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It's Just This Once
Chapter 1
Hey everyone! This is my first post. This work is finished but I will be uploading the chapters weekly. (I don't really know how Tumblr works so if y'all have suggestions or tips let me know)
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Not many. Bucky and his PTSD, my life choices to write this, nightmares, Bucky's regret and self hatred. Idk. There's not even language in this thing its mostly fluff.
Summary: Y/N is an Avenger, she has healing powers and uses them to patch up the rest of the team. Bucky never asks her to use her healing powers on him, except once.
Chapter Word Count: 1,912
Chapter 1: Take the Pain Away
Y/N was working in her little corner of the medical wing of the newly built Avengers Compound. All was right in her little world, well as right as her world could be since reappearing after a five year absence. 
Everyone was trying their hardest to go back to normal but adapting to a life without Steve, Tony, and Natasha was far from it. Shortly before Tony and Steve's fallout, Y/N was recruited by Fury to join the Avengers Initiative. He had somehow figured out she was an enhanced and convinced her to join the team. She had hid her abilities so well in the past she had no idea how a man she had never met before found out about them. Y/N had the extraordinary ability to heal others, it had taken an insane amount of time, energy, and focus to master her powers. With the help of Wanda she had also been able to unlock another talent. She had intuition that was insanely on point so she could guide her teammates on their missions. Natasha had taught her some martial arts moves and Steve taught her how to protect herself in a fight. Y/N soon became part of the family and finally found a place where she belonged, but after a few billion people came back from nothingness, her family seemed to narrow down. She had fought in the battle against Thanos and tried, had really tried, to heal Tony with her powers but in the end it wasn't enough. She couldn't help but feel a little responsible for his death. When the battle was over and Steve left to be with the love of his life, he left so many friends behind. If Y/N couldn't heal Tony's physical wounds, maybe she could heal the emotional wounds he and Steve left behind. 
Shortly after the battle she became close with the remaining Avengers. She helped guide Sam on missions as the new Captain America, she comforted Wanda after her little outburst in Westview, she even got to know Bucky a bit more. Sam had convinced him to live at the new Compound with him instead of being alone in an old apartment in Brooklyn. Every so often Sam and Bucky would limp into the med bay in need of healing. She had healed Sam several times and Wanda a few but never Bucky. He always said she shouldn't waist her energy on him, and she always replied with, "It's no trouble at all, it doesn't take that much energy." Bucky would brush it off and say his advanced healing would take care of his injuries in no time. She never really pushed it, considering what he's been through with people messing with his body, it didn't surprise her when he didn't want to be helped.
Today was nothing unusual when Sam came into the med bay with an arm around Bucky and the other around his side. Y/N hopped up from the seat at her desk and began walking to the two men.
"What did you do this time?"
"This idiot took a bullet for me." Bucky spoke up as he helped Sam into a bed.
"Hey don't be mad at me for saving your life." Sam snapped back. He was taking off part of his uniform so Y/N could assess the injury properly.
"I have better healing than you, I would have been just fine." Bucky countered.
"I'll be fine! I have the best healer in the world right here, right doc?" Sam shot a quick smirk at Y/N as she started to heal him. A light purple glow emitted from her hands as she closed the wound on Sam's torso.
"Just because I can heal you in seconds doesn't mean you can be reckless."
Sam's smirk faded as Bucky gave a short "Ha" in victory. Y/N noticed Bucky was holding his left arm with his right and had a few bruises on his face.
"I could always heal you too Bucky if you need it."
"It's fine doll, these bruises will be gone in a couple hours." He said as he gestured to his face. Y/N turned her attention back to Sam as she finished up her work.
"All done." She said as she removed her hands. "Go clean up, Wanda and I are making dinner soon."
She grabbed a cloth and wiped some of the blood off her hands.
"You're the best doc. " Sam gave her a quick hug and headed out with Bucky. As they left she saw how tight the muscles in Bucky's were. With all of the experience Y/N had with healing people, she was able to see how much he was hurting. It could just be the stress of the mission so she didn't think much of it. 
Later that evening while Y/N was cooking with Wanda, she once again noticed Bucky. At this point she couldn't tell if it was just stress or flat out pain. Sam was tapping away at his laptop sending a report on the mission to Fury. He didn't seem to notice the tight expression Bucky was wearing. Bucky was absentmindedly rubbing his left shoulder where metal met flesh, he looked exhausted.
"You good Buck?"
He glanced up at her removing his hand from his shoulder and said,
"Yeah, I'm fine. " with a half hearted smile.
She hoped that a warm meal would help. Y/N loved to cook, especially with Wanda, she loved seeing people's faces when they ate the food she made. Pretty much everyone else was away from the compound so it was just the four of them. Wanda had suggested they make soup since Autumn came out of nowhere and settled in New York. They set the table and listened to Sam talk about the mission he and Bucky had just endured. Bucky let Sam do all the talking for once and kept quite happily enjoying the warm food. The creases in his features slowly melted away as he finished the soup. Once the story was finished and the dining room was cleaned up, everyone said their goodnights and started off to their rooms, all expect Y/N.
"You're not going to sleep?" Wanda had asked when she saw Y/N going towards the elevator instead of her room.
"I have some work left to finish since I was so rudely interrupted earlier." She had turned her head to Sam with a smile.
"Hey don't come at me." He said with his hands up in a surrendering gesture as he walked to his room.
She gave a small laugh, "Goodnight guys." 
Y/N headed down to her lab and picked up where she left off. She was running some lab work on some blood samples when she heard thunder shake the building. It startled her enough for her to nearly drop her test tube. Soon after she heard rain begin to pound on the walls of the Compound. She glanced at the clock as it struck 1:00 am.
"Just a little longer." She whispered as she resumed her work. 
Bucky was sitting in his bed when he heard Thunder boom outside his window. He hadn't slept since coming to his room, too stressed from the mission and in too much pain. He knew the rain was coming, he felt it in his bones, but that didn't make it any less unsettling. He truly felt like an old man knowing rain was coming by the way his prosthetic arm felt. The mission had caused a few unpleasant memories to resurface and that made his mind uneasy. All of that combined together resulted in a dull headache and an unbearable amount of phantom pain in his left arm. His shoulder was throbbing and it felt as if he was being stabbed by a hundred needles where his metal arm occupied where his flesh should be. His breathing was laboured and heavy, he was so close to a panic attack it wasn't even funny. The weather hadn't helped either, it made him feel cold and achey. He tried so hard to keep it together but the pain became too much. He needed relief and there was one person he could think of to help. He hated the idea of Y/N using her healing powers on him when she could use them for something much more valuable. He didn't want to inconvenience her with his pain but it was becoming agonizing. He sat and thought it over for a few more minutes when he finally caved and made his way down to her lab. He stood at the door and sighed,
"It's just this once."
Y/N was just about finished when she heard a small knock at the lab entrance. She got up and walked towards the door, she wasn't expecting to see Bucky when she opened it. He stood with his hand clutching his metal shoulder, his hair was unkempt and he had bags under his eyes.
"Hey, I thought you went to bed. Is everything okay?"
"Uh, not really. I hate to ask you this, especially this late, but-"
Suddenly thunder echoed through the lab and Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and his breath began to shake, using his hand to add more pressure to his shoulder.
"My shoulder hurts, and my arm too kinda." He looked down not wanting to meet her eyes.
"Like phantom pain?" She questioned
"Y-yeah, it feels like pins and needles. The vibranium feels heavy."
"Are you asking me to help you?" She asked in disbelief.
"I-if you don't want to that's fine I can manage."
"No, no come in, sit down."
She led him to one of the beds and guided his hand off his shoulder, eager to work on the one person she hadn't helped.
He winced in pain as he moved, his hand letting up the pressure it was omitting on his upper arm.
"Sorry," she stepped back for a second, "I need you to take off your shirt." In the dimly lit lab she could see him blush a little. "It'll be better if I have direct contact to the skin."
He complied, slowly and painfully taking off his blue Henley. She walked around to the side of the bed to begin.
"I'm just going to put my hands on your shoulder, okay?"
He gave a very tight nod and she began. Her hands danced across the mess of scar tissue where metal crept into his skin. She couldn't help but felt bad for what Hydra did to him. His breath hitched but his back slowly became more relaxed. She could feel his heart rate slowing and his breath even out.
"I'm halfway done, are you okay? " she was concerned. She had never been able to do this for Bucky before and didn't know how he'd react.
"Mhmm." he seemed content.
She stopped and moved to his front to place her hands on his collar bone. She tried not to make it too awkward by making eye contact but she glanced up anyway and met his blue eyes. They both quickly looked away and Y/N turned her attention back to his arm. She stopped when she felt she couldn't do anything more to help with the pain.
"Done, does that feel better?"
He immediately brought her in for a hug and whispered a quite,
"Thank you."
She hugged back happily,
"You're welcome."
It gets better I promise. It was originally a one shot but it evolved.
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thegengarprincess · 7 months ago
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“Dobro jutro,ljubi.” “Dobro jutro,sonček.”
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Gene: Pure tooth-rotting *FLUFF*
Summery: Just a glimpse of what a normal lazy morning looks like 4 the husbands ever,except it’s their half-year anniversary N after some reminiscing,Jan decides 2 ask his now boyfriend of half a year if he still remembers the morning after they became official,and boy does Nace remember~
Disclaimer: *All* of this is completely fictional and im not associating this with the real people whatsoever,I just like using these silly lil pretty Balkan men as my Barbie dolls,the moment either of them say their uncomfortable with fanfic im deleting the whole thing,k.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*🐈‍⬛🐕*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* This was it.By now it had been almost a whole year since Martin brought *him* to meet the boys,the man who would replace one of his best friends all so they could keep making music.Jan knew why he had to leave yet it still stung to say goodbye when Martin had been through basically *everything* with the band till now.But what Jan didn’t know back then,no matter how much he believed logic would *always* triumph over love,was that “the new Martin” would end up proving only *sometimes* logic can triumph over love,*especially* when it comes to his now boyfriend and bassist,*Nace Jordan.* Which is how he found himself here,snuggled up in Nace’s bed with an arm wrapped securely yet ever so gently around his slightly smaller frame,Ollie curled up near his legs and snoring just as loudly as a *certain* brunette who had a tendency of reminding him of the small creature sometimes.He slowly awoke to the sound of a familiar yawn which could only come from one person,the one who had been sleeping beside and stayed with him through every rough night for *months* now,and hopefully forever when he can finally afford to go ring shopping,only the best for *his* Nacko afterall and nothing less. Nace tossed onto his side so he could see that perpetually half asleep face he’d come to adore so *so* much,when said face asked him a question along the lines of: “Do you still remember the morning after we became..*this*?” Jan said to him,voice still raspy from sleep ,using his finger to point at himself than Nace. “You mean the morning after we fucked eachother’s brains out in some dingy club bathroom while the rest of the boys were shitfaced drunk N doing god knows what then you told me the first time we saw eachother you forget how to *breath*.” he chuckled which also elected a giggle out of Jan,a sound he would *love* to keep in a jar and listen to on repeat when he has a off day. “Forgetting how 2 breath wasn’t the first thing I did when we met,you know.�� “Then what was?” “How to think after I saw ur tattoo sleeve up close for the first time during one of our first gigs together,you had *no* idea what that did to me back then.” slowly tracing along the ink that adorned his boyfriends arm,all away to his shoulder as he planted a kiss on one of the last ink covered patches on the others skin. “Buttt I do now,alot actually.” “How so?” Nace pulled him closer and whispered the answer into his ear,breath ghosting slightly over his lobe,making a small smile tug at his lips. “Cause of all the bite marks and hickeys I always find scattered on them the next morning~” it was Jan’s turn to laugh now when Nace started to place a trail of kisses down his ear.watching the tips go a dark shade of red which always looked good when he was the one wearing it. “Not like you can really blame me tho,tattoos are hot as fuck *especially* when they belong to my extremely sexy and beautiful boyfriend!” he cupped the boyfriends in questions face in his hands and just *admired* him till Nace spoke again. “And who’s that?” Nace questioned as if he didn’t know who he belonged to. “You.” were the only words that came out of Jan’s mouth before he kissed him,slow but it was one of the sweetest kisses he’d ever given,that’s only natural when ur man’s a literal *angel* with the softest lips known to man afterall. Tho it stared off as a innocent “good morning /wake up kiss” which *may* have led to a full on makeout session,both men stayed like that for awhile,only breaking the kiss so they could get some air in their lungs,gently pressing their foreheads together and staring into the others eyes for what could have been an eternity,not like either of them would mind of course. “Dubro jutro,ljubi.” “Dubro jutro,sonček.” And if Jan and Nace from half a year ago knew this is what that faithful day where Martin brought him into the studio to the boys would lead to,maybe getting a new bassist wasn’t the worst idea in the world afterall~ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*💜❤️*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
(BIG BIG TY 2 ONE OF MY FAVE MOOTS @da-proti-toku-grem 4 ANSWERING MY ASK EARLIER N GETTING MY MOTIVATION 2 WRITE BACK INTO GEAR N HELPING WITH LAST MIN NERVES B4 POSTING!! ����🫶🥹🫶🥹🫶🥹🫶🥹🫶 ur truly such.a.f4n.*SWEETHEART* N I hope one day I can be just as good of a writer as U are! I fr always start kicking my feet N twirling my hair when I see U in my inbox,seeing the lil notification with ur user *ALWAYS* makes my day better + U were one of the first blogs i started following N was a huge idol of mine back when I was a lurker!! X33 luv ya Maca ,4 aslong as we have the boys and 4ever <3333333333)
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e-louise-bates · 6 days ago
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🎭
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tamagotchikgs · 19 days ago
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i hate my face it needs to be softer and i hate my body it needs to be sharper
#there is nothing in the world i wished i had more than a smaller/rounder nose#why is that thang genuinely V#<#>#^#every direction sniffin#i want to bury my face in things and not impale them#i hate the way it looks when i smile#somehow it gets even bigger#and more downturned#and my body well . at least thats easier 2 change#im so hyper aware of how much i weigh i hate the number being known it makes me want to cry i feel too exposed#its like it being a secret keeps me safe#even though everyone can see my body anyway#if i just have that then im safe no one can hurt me#what if the number makes them see me differently#what if it changes the way i look in their eyes like it does in mine#what if the dysmorphia streaks out past just me#i know its stupid n realistically it doesnt matter at all but i am so Scared i am terrified#i hate my ed i hate everything it holds over me all the time everyday#every time i look at myself im different#n im worse#and no matter how much i suffer its never happy#im so sick rn im in pain but all i can think about is at least im not eating at least its stopping me from eating#i just want to be different i want to be anything else#i feel like im always going 2 be stuck as the grossest thing in the world#ill never get the chance to look at myself n see anything but that#i want to be better. i do. i want to just move on#im so tired. but im So awful looking. & everyone has always made sure i know it. made sure im lesser and i am#ive never had a real friend. theyve always hated me n kept be barely around because they feel bad for me. n just told me how bad i looked
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alleycat11424 · 1 month ago
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@kawaiikrisschan
I immediately thought of a milkshake date! I had to doodle this! I usually put in a lot more effort, but I'm overworked, so a doodle will have to do! I also totally messed up on the numbers of my @, I'm not good at numbers
Anyway, Izuku Midoriya and Ochako Uraraka are admiring their dates. Himiko Toga and Katsuki Bakugou are aurguing over the extra milkshake that was given to their table.
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ellis-reblogs · 3 months ago
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Looked through the She-Ra tag and immediately found someone who thought Catra didn’t deserve a redemption arc .
I thought we went through this already with Azula’s poorly handled end.
SHE IS A TEENAGE GIRL.
A TEENAGER.
an ABUSED teenager at that. ABUSED. A lot of people react with extreme anger and withdrawal when they are abused and abandoned over and over again!!!
Also it is a CARTOON. Not everyone is going to be horribly gruesomely punished and ostracized like someone who got canceled on twitter for fuck’s sake! The whole POINT of the show is that friends, family, love and connection are what make us strong.
And it’s reiterated over and over and over again throughout the WHOLE SHOW that the Rebellion are KIND and FORGIVING people. And while yes, Catra may not have been “punished enough” by the people she hurt… she also paid so many high prices for what she did. And ultimately sacrificed herself even when she could’ve benefitted from just following along the next big bad.
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michinekot · 5 months ago
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i felt like drawing Maru but I really don't have the energy to even color this sketch.
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bitchyangelpoetry · 5 months ago
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I've watched episode 5 of The Acolyte, and you bitches who write good ass fix-it fics for this fandom better be getting ready to bring back Jecki and Yord
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dreamwinged · 3 months ago
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every single day i have at least one episode of remembering something i don’t want to remember at all and it’s just like hhhhh. more exhausting and upsetting than i have words to express. either trying to hold myself together in a public place or trying to shut it all out when i’m at home……. it’s just the worst either way
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yourtearsaremyink · 6 months ago
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It's Just This Once
Chapter 3
Author's note: Enjoy!
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Not many. Bucky and his PTSD, my life choices to write this, nightmares, Bucky's regret and self hatred. Idk. There's not even language in this thing its mostly fluff.
Summary: Bucky opens up.
Chapter Word Count: 1,764
Chapter 3: As the Storm Rages
"Hey"
"Hi"
Y/N's heart broke the second she saw Bucky. He looked so tired, he was curled in on himself and a little pale. She tried to mask her sadness but didn't succeed very well. He eyed her carefully as she bent down to pick up one of the books she hadn't finished reading from the coffee table. She inched towards the couch and asked,
"Mind if I sit?"
Bucky sighed heavily,
"Free country." He nodded at the opposite side of the furniture. She sat down and stretched her legs towards Bucky, he tensed up a little as she got comfortable. Part of Bucky just wanted to sit in silence but also thought this would be a perfect time to eliminate some of the awkwardness that still lingered from earlier. He risked it and cleared his throat,
"How's Wanda?"
Y/N was confused as to why he was keeping up a conversation.
"She feels guilty." Bucky brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose.
"I didn't mean to scare her." His voice was quite and horse from screaming.
"She wasn't scared of you, she was scared for you. We both were."
"You should be scared of me."
"Why?"
"I almost hurt Sam," he put his book in his lap. "and if you and Wanda weren't careful you could have been hurt too."
"You as well, you know. Don't disregard your well-being for our safety, we can take care of ourselves."
Bucky looked away for a moment before replying.
"Did Sam send you in here to lecture me?" He said with a little more bite than he intended.
"Nope. I couldn't sleep so I came in here. Why? Do you want a lecture?" She said it with the same smile she had when she reminded him about his shirt.
"No..."
"Then I won't give you one." She went back to her book and moved her feet closer to him so they lied across his lap. Bucky was skeptical from the start, there was no way she came in here to not try and get him to open up, but what he didn't know is that Y/N really wanted to help him. She again felt obliged to heal his mind as well as his body, she'd be lying if she said she didn't think the nightmare was something of her doing. She wasn't going to push it so she thought it best if he came to her. She noticed how Bucky kept looking back and forth between her and his book.
"Bucky-"
"It was my arm." He interrupted. She immediately panicked thinking he was referring to when she healed him.
"My nightmare, it was about when Isaiah Bradley destroyed half of it."
She was shocked when it dawned on her that he was opening up to her. She put down her book and moved to sit closer on his right side. She gave him a look that said she wanted to hear the rest.
"After the fight in Goyang, I made it back to the Hydra base I was stationed on. To say they were unhappy with my failure would be an understatement, they were furious." He swallowed dryly and put his hands on his knees. Y/N put her hand on top of his and stroked his knuckles with her thumb, encouraging him to continue. She never broke eye contact.
"The handler assigned to me at the time was even more so. He had me tortured and then some. I got a new arm eventually and that was excruciatingly painful. After that they put me in the chair, being there for hours was not uncommon but I was there for days. Making me remember my failure by making me forget. In time I forgot my mistake, but never the punishment. I dreamed of the new arm getting installed, the chair, and the dozen ways they tortured me." He was shaking, "T-the chair used electric shocks to wipe my mind, it always reminded me of lightning, and with lightning comes thunder so... "
It clicked in Y/N's head, that's why he didn't like thunderstorms.
"Oh, Bucky..." She drew him into a hug and held tight, reluctantly he hugged back. She rubbed soothing circles in his back as his breathing shook, she could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. She finally let go as she saw that his eyes were brimming with tears.
"Why did you feel the need to tell me all this?" Bucky had never opened up to her like this before.
"I saw the look you gave me after I woke up, you looked guilty, as if it were your fault." He saw right through her, she tried not to express her inner thoughts when she had the idea it might have been her fault. She glanced away.
"It wasn't believe me, I just hated the thought of you blaming yourself. If anything you should be blaming my broken mind." He gave a sad smile.
"Not broken, hurt." She interlace her fingers with his.
"You are not broken, you're still healing from the things Hydra did to you."
"You're not going to tell me it's time to move on from all of that like everyone else does? "
"Everyone heals at a different pace." He looked down and place his head on her shoulder. She brought up her arms and held him tighter. Thunder once again rumbled outside and Bucky tensed. She moved to a position where they could lean on each other.
"You need to relax. Listen to me and not what's happening outside." She held his hand and they breathed together. She could feel his muscles loosen once again.
"Seems like you can heal more than just bodies, doll."
They sat there content before they both drifted off to sleep.
The two of them woke up to the sound of footsteps. Bucky was laying on his left side with Y/N curled up to his chest and his arm was around her shoulders. They both looked at each other confused until the realized what situation they were in. Their eyes went wide and they quickly moved to sit up. A little panicked, Y/N rolled off the couch and towards the ground. Bucky, in an attempt to catch her, just ended up tumbling onto the floor as well. At that moment they both had the exact same thought, now it's awkward again...
"Uh..." Bucky began but was interrupted.
"Good morning." Sam said walking into the room. They scrambled off the floor and back onto opposite sides of the couch. They looked at Sam as if nothing had happen.
"Good morning!" Y/N and Bucky said in unison. They didn't react other than just staring at Sam. He had a very confused look on his face and asked.
"I was gonna ask if you two wanted coffee."
"Yes please." Y/N said a little too cheerfully.
"Sure." Bucky said trying to play off the tension and not really succeeding.
"Something happen between you two?" Sam pointed between them.
"No." They both said again.
"Uh huh." He said not really believing them. "Don't forget about that 'in the morning' thing Bucky."
"Don't forget about that meeting with Rhodey Sam." Bucky replied in the same tone.
"Yeah, yeah I know." Sam said as he left the room. Bucky and Y/N each let out a breath.
"What meeting with Rhodey?" Y/N asked.
"I don't really know, neither does Sam, Rhodey was pretty vague when he talked about wanting to meet with him."
"We'll find out soon I guess. Come on let's eat breakfast." They made their way down to the kitchen to help Sam. Y/N took over the cooking so Sam could go down stairs and see Rhodey. Wanda even showed up but didn't speak much with Bucky still in the room. Sam came up with their guest and ate breakfast. When they were done, Sam and Rhodey left to talk and Wanda went back to her room. She said she was going to practice some magic but Y/N guessed she was just trying to avoid Bucky. After a while Sam came back to see Bucky and Y/N watching some TV.
"How'd it go?" Bucky asked. They were both curious as to why a meeting was called in the first place.
"Rhodes and I have a mission." Sam sighed as if he wasn't too happy about it.
"What's it for?" Bucky wanted further detail.
"Top secret Air Force assignment. Sorry man." Sam still looked pretty guilty.
"Oh okay. How long?"
"A couple weeks at least." Bucky's heart sunk at his words. His mind began to wonder. What if he had another nightmare like last night? What if he needed Sam to pull him out again and neither of the girls could do it? What if he hurt them?
"I can still be in touch with you guys so it's not like you won't hear from me."
"When are you leaving?" Y/N asked.
"As soon as I pack, which I should get started on now." Sam nodded and walked towards his room, Bucky quickly followed. As soon as they got there Bucky shut the door. Sam knew exactly what was going through his head.
"Are you going to be okay without me here?"
"Maybe, I don't know. I don't like the idea of Y/N or Wanda bringing me out of a nightmare."
"Not Y/N, really?" Sam knew what he saw that morning. "She looks like she can really help you Buck."
"I think she is actually, but I don't want to put her in danger because of me."
"Let her help you, accept that she cares about you and wants to see you happy. We all do." Bucky looked down still unhappy with the fact that Sam is going away for longer than he expected.
"Come here man." Sam said as he brought Bucky into a hug.
"So you gonna tell me what that was this morning?" Sam asked smiling.
"How about I tell you that 'in the morning' thing."
"Sounds good to me."
Bucky told him about his nightmare as he packed. After they were done, they made their way down stairs to see Sam and Rhodey off. Even Wanda arrived to say her fair well. They took off and left the rest of them alone at the Compound. As soon as Sam left Bucky felt a darkness shroud around him. At the same time, Y/N felt her intuition tell her something bad was stirring. They made their way inside as they expected the worst.
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piplupod · 4 months ago
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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