#ESPECIALLY since we live in a world where audio drama is not respected as a creative medium

[maxgicalgirl]

Archive 81 tv show made Melody Pendras straight we cannot trust podcasts in the hands of mainstream media !!!!!!!

[bae-science]

it’s t-t-t-t-time for another newt bae-science fic rec extravabonanza! same rules, same boys, same bullshit! let’s get into it:

a beginning; a second chance by @dykesword

other newt and i have a long and intricate ritualistic battle to become the alpha newt, but i gotta give credit where it’s due. if you like to annotate your books for fun, this fic will give you a looooong comment you’ll want to write, and for good reason! there’s a lot of really well done metaphor and character detail in here, while still keeping a very soft, melancholy but with a hopeful edge tone. and also, like, the care and detail in which newt’s mental state in the aftermath of the precursors’ abuse is depicted is so so good, and delightful to read

husbandly duties by @kingeiszler

i am soooo biased with this one bc technically it was made for me but GODDAMN it’s good. this shit has everything: gottlieb trio sibling dynamics, vanessa in giant femme earrings, hermann yearning, newt and karla infodumping together, newt’s terrible and accurate gaydar, gay crime, the newmann dynamic and why it works boiled down to its bare essentials, pride and prejudice glasses touch, and neon green acrylics. required reading for the vanessaverse

Say That Again by @robertfrobisherslover

WOOF. if you like mutual pining and lack of communication from men with rocks for their emotional processing centers, and guncle (gay uncle) newt and hermann and KILLER artsy sex scenes, and themes of words unsaid in a story about LANGUAGE..... oogoogogoogouhufug. the writing style is clear and well paced, i LOVE little mako’s scene she’s such a cutie, and there’s like. a line. that’s a play on the whole “it’s always been you” trope. that lives in my mind rent free forever.

speak right to my heart without saying a word by @thekaidonovskys

i’m just gonna paste the comment i left on it here, because that sums up what is so absolutely incredible about this fic the best:

so sometimes you stumble on a piece of fiction that you add to your little collection of stuff you would show a person if you wanted them to understand a part of you that you can't quite explain eloquently, or it would take too long, etc etc, and i've never really found something like that for my autism until now, which, like, poggers. and i'll be as straight up as i can while still being the biggest lesbian in the great state of ohio (not a hard feat but alan invented computers so i love continuing on the autistic tradition of being a living miracle), the chameleon effect hit me like a mack truck. catholic school in the deep south is the most potent and effective form of ABA therapy imaginable :/. so sometimes i wonder what i would be like if i didn't have such a strong ability to pass, and here's where we finally get to the part of this comment where i just vomit compliments at you: you nailed it. you got it. i don't know if you're on the spectrum, but either way, well fucking done. trauma therapy research talks a lot about healing fantasies, which are fantasies, usually in the form of daydreams, that abused/neglected/traumatized/etc people create that directly address a struggle they have and take the form of a scenario in which that struggle is helped in some way. it could be an abusive parent repenting and showering them with the love they never had, or someone finding them during a panic attack and somehow knowing how best to comfort them without having to ask, or being intimate with someone and having a scar or physical deformity they've been shamed for be given attention and care. and i think you have created the ultimate perfect healing fantasy for autistic people, or at least those with """"high functioning"""" autism. it has a character who is visibly and undeniably on the spectrum having the pain and trauma going through life like that causes being acknowledged and validated, they are purposefully paid attention to because person b genuinely likes them and wants to understand and respect who they are and how they function in the world, and thus get The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known as well as the eventual rewards of being loved, person b makes a genuine effort to help teach them social skills in a way they can understand and learn through and is there for them when these skills are being practiced, their space and boundaries are respected but they aren't infantilized or thought of as an emotionless robot, and they receive love and comfort on their own terms not despite of but because of who they are, even specifically being asked not to change the way they are because that way is lovable. they are openly desired. writing is my fucking JOB and it's still difficult to put into words how much you got 100000% right about the dream with this fic. i have been in the EXACT and i mean EXACT same situation as hermann when he asked newt if it was his personality itself that made people not like him, because i deadass made a spreadsheet of all my personality attributes i thought could be preventing me from making friends in college, and then asked my fellow nd friend to see if there was anything i was missing. so i guess what i'm trying to say is that this amazing, and i'm bookmarking it and putting it on my next fic rec post, and maybe one day way way in the future if i ever get a partner i want to explain the whole autism thing to, i'm gonna have them read this.

The Facts With Newton Geiszler, PhD by what_alchemy (NSFW)

storytime: i read this fic a few years ago, completely forgot the title and author, and ended up thinking about the part where hermann admits to having fucked a trailer hitch when he was a teenager, at least once a week. last november, i say to my friend samara on twitter, head of the BSHCU (buttslut hermann cinematic universe), hey this seems like something you’d have read, do you remember a fic where... and samara says FUCK i do know what you’re talking about lemme find it. so if the fact that i have been looking for this fic for like, two years, and that it contains a moment so iconic all i had to say is, “hermann says he fucked a trailer hitch” and she IMMEDIATELY knew what i was talking about, does not convince you to read this... go back to catholic school i guess.

Feeling Blue by TempusPetrichor

fics where newt goes back to work as a biologist, especially a xenobiologist, post pru are really interesting, and usually have something neat to say about recovery, how it isn’t linear, how it often involves us returning to things we love for comfort, etc. this one sure does! some good emotional and physical h/c, LOVE the use of the ghost drift, and it’s always fun to see post pru fics use dialogue very obviously taken from dbt, trauma-specific therapeutical texts, and anything that shows the author has experience with, or did their research on, ptsd therapies.

You’re Everyone That Ever Cared by KlavierWrites

you know a fic is good when it’s an only 9k slowburn and still manages to reach infinite regress levels of are you fucking KIDDING GO TO THERAPY. newt “acts of service” geiszler may have a little misplaced misogyny due to his broken woman-centric gaydar. as a treat. the fucking. post-drift scene where hermann subtextually screams “LOOK IN OUR BRAINS YOU FUCK I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU I JUST HAVE AUTISM AND CAREER IN STEM DISORDER” is soooooo. god just hermann in general in that scene is great. if you like classic mid 2010s era newmann, ghost drift romance, and good ole mutual pining, this is a treat.

Baby, You're Hotter than my Bunsen Burner by SkySongMA

moronosexual hermann representation is something that can actually be so personal

Times of Stress by RadioMoth

the boys are processinggggggg. man what a good, quick and powerful punch to the gut. if you like post-pr1 catharsis and physical h/c, AND are the one friend that likes to comment at the end of the movie that hey newt got beat the fuck UP, check this one out.

black tea by @faggotcas

okay first of all, god fucking tier url, lee. second of all, food as a love language is my SHIT. i love the very slow relationship development here, where you see them making a genuine effort to get along and that in turn leading to feelings reigniting. it’s such a sweet little moment of a fic, with a nice atmosphere and tone to fit it

now here’s the part where i usually drop my latest fic, but i haven’t written one this month because i’ve been busy launching an audio drama! you can find it here, it’ll be right up your alley if you like cryptids and gay scientists and enemies to lovers and good ole americana, but since this is a newmann post, i’m gonna recommend the pacific rim audio drama duology i did a while back! part one is called conversations from the brink, and it’s a little slice of the pr3 we better fucking get from streaming that godawful looking anime. love and lesbians to everyone ❤️

[magicofthepen]

Having put some amount of thought into similar concepts, I would very much love to hear about “Gallifrey BUT FANTASY”

Send me a WIP doc title (list here) and I’ll talk about it!

Thank you for asking about this one! It’s an idea that’s been slowly coalescing for at least a year and a half now – it’s never quite made it onto the active projects list because it’s a big one, and I keep having other big projects that I want to tackle first. But I love gradually coming back to and building this au, and hopefully I’ll write it eventually?

The general world premise is pretty straightforward: magic replaces both time travel and regeneration, so it’s a magic-based world instead of a tech-based one, and also the ability to do magic is only given to certain Gallifreyans (a Time Lords = mages sort of thing). Also in this world the different temporal powers/planets are different countries/kingdoms/empires. 

The story itself would be a series of three longfics that starts with a very narrow cast and gradually broadens to a more sprawling epic fantasy vibe as the series continues. A quick overview:

Fic 1 is a Romana/Leela Rapunzel AU (inspired by Tangled specifically tbh), ft. Pandora as the Mother Gothel figure. 

Fic 2 is the immediate aftermath of Romana’s return to Gallifrey and the "power struggle over the throne” conflict that emerges between her and Darkel. (Narvin and Brax show up in this one.)

Fic 3 is set some number of years after Fic 2. It’s a “Pandora returns” fic, but narratively it’s more inspired by the Time War. Devastating magical conflict, large cast of characters, but does have a hopeful/happy-ish ending. (Also: Romana/Leela/Narvin endgame.) 

Lots more rambling under the cut: 

Fic 1: Rapunzel AU

This fic is technically Tangled-inspired, but I should disclaim that I haven’t actually seen Tangled in many years, so my memories of it are somewhat vague? But there’s one scene from Tangled that inspired a scene in this fic, plus a certain similar enemies-to-friends-to-lovers vibe going on, and some inspiration for Leela’s backstory (if I’m remembering that movie correctly)? 

Romana is the Rapunzel figure, of course. The heiress stolen away from the kingdom as a very young child, so she doesn’t remember anything before being raised by Pandora. In this story, Pandora’s endgame isn’t to keep her trapped away forever – she’s grooming Romana to be able to possess her when the time is right and take the throne for herself. (Still need to work out a lot of plot details, including how much contact Romana has with the outside world, how Pandora is able to manifest without a body?? (because she’s definitely still a dark spirit of some kind in this world....), the exact nature of magic and magical rituals and how exactly Pandora stealing Romana and raising her benefits her endgame.)

(Also there’s an Etra Prime reference here, with Romana being trapped away from the world for twenty years. In this au, Pandora is also the stand-in for the Daleks – aka who/what Romana is most afraid of and traumatized by.)

Leela’s backstory is a work in progress, so I don’t want to say too much in case I change it, but at the point her life and Romana’s collide, she’s lived in Gallifrey before and it was not a good time. (On a side note: I feel like this fic may be a thinly veiled excuse to give Leela a sword.) 

This fic majorly focuses on Romana and Leela’s relationship arc, aka “extremely sheltered book smart mage who's been cut off from love and connection her whole life” meets “warrior who’s traveled a lot but has never really found a home anywhere and is (probably?) on the run from the Gallifreyan authorities for Reasons.” Short version: their lives collide, Romana gets tangled up in Leela’s plot drama (which is also mostly tbd) and ends up sneaking away from Pandora, they fall in love, just as Romana starts to see how much she’s been used and manipulated her whole life, Pandora tries to tear them apart and use both of them as pawns in her plan. Of course, they defeat her and all ends well (for now).

Fic 2: Struggle for the Throne

For Reasons (that will be uncovered later), the throne of Gallifrey has quite recently become vacant – just in time for Romana and Leela to show up in the capital city (they don’t ever go there in Fic 1). Romana just wanted to see where she was from after finally escaping Pandora, but in this world, Gallifrey has some sort of monarchy/inheritance of power thing going on, and Romana is actually the closest heir to the throne. The next closest is Darkel, who assumed she would take the throne, before Romana suddenly returns from the dead.   

Except Romana didn’t come back to take the throne. That was Pandora’s plan, Romana doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life and had no idea that she was walking into a power vacuum situation. But she ends up seeing how very terrible Darkel is, and how very terrible Gallifrey is, and starts genuinely wanting to be in charge so she can Change Things. She sees how terrible Gallifrey is to Leela (and other outsiders and non-mages) and wants to make this place better for her.....but over time gets swept up in the power struggles and the need to court favor with the other royals, which strains her relationship with Leela. 

Meanwhile, Leela’s dealing with returning to Gallifrey, a place where she already feels unwelcome (and probably is in some trouble with the law and needs to clear her name? again, lots of backstory details are tbd). And so she ends up struggling to decide if she really wants to be with Romana, if Romana’s going to end up in charge of this kingdom.....but she also hates Darkel and wants to help defeat her claim to the throne? I think there’s also going to be a plot thread in Fic 1 involving the village Leela was born in, and if so, this fic will also be dealing with the fallout of those events from Fic 1. (Keeping things vague because it’s all pretty up in the air right now.) 

And we finally meet spymaster Narvin, who is a main character from here through the rest of the series! I’m not going to get into his backstory in this au right now (because some things are still tbd, some things I don’t want to spoil), but he is not pleased about this young upstart heiress showing up out of nowhere and getting power handed to her without ever actually living in this kingdom. He doesn’t trust that she’s actually loyal to Gallifrey, especially since rumor has it she was raised and given/taught magic by some dark spirit – which goes against the long-standing Gallifreyan traditions of how magic is granted and taught and raises some major questions about how safe the kingdom would be in her hands. (These are also the prevailing arguments in general for tossing Romana’s claim to the throne.) 

Narvin and Leela also have.....a history. Not a particularly positive one. 

So this fic is also slowburn enemies-to-friends with Narvin + Romana and Narvin + Leela, as they gradually grow to understand and trust each other, and ultimately all work together against Darkel.

Brax is also in this fic? I am quite nervous about Brax being in this fic (I don’t feel qualified to write Brax! I usually avoid writing Brax for that reason!) But he’s the main “well-respected mage from an old family” who actually vouches for Romana and tries to help soothe the fears of the more conservative royals about supporting her claim to the throne. I’d also like to do a version of the “Brax as Romana’s tutor” thing, where he ends up working with her on developing her magic, since she didn’t go through the Academy system and is worried that her magic is tainted by Pandora. There may also end up being an almost-arranged marriage plotline with Romana and Brax, where certain people would be more willing to support Romana’s claim if she married someone respectable (and this is another thing that drives a wedge in Romana and Leela’s relationship). (She ends up turning him down, ultimately.) 

So it’s a fic about characters figuring out what they want in life and figuring out how to communicate better with each other and be better at relationships and friendships, all the while trying to stop Darkel from seizing the throne. 

Fic 3: Magical War

So there’s a significant time skip between Fic 2 and Fic 3 where the characters are going about their lives post-Darkel’s defeat and trying to make Gallifrey a somewhat less terrible place. 

But, however Romana and Leela defeat Pandora in Fic 1, it isn’t permanent. And when Pandora returns, it’s with an army of magical spirits (or something along those lines) that are slowly encroaching on the kingdom and poisoning magic itself (aka the Dogma virus But Fantasy). 

I don’t want to spoil too many of the plot details here, but this fic is a lot of “fantasy twist on specific events in the Gallifrey audios” – it draws some elements from the civil war, some from the Time War (especially because of that whole “Pandora is also Metaphorically the Daleks” thing), plus some other Specific Things from other audios. (Basically, I tossed the Gallifrey audios in a soup and stirred and made it fantasy?) 

Slow skirmishes and terrible attacks on the outskirts of the kingdom keep happening, Pandora’s forces draw closer and closer until they reach the capitol itself – and things go very wrong, and our main characters end up needing to wrest control back from Pandora (which may involve upending the entire system of magic in Gallifrey in the process? again, still figuring out how this fic is going to end – all I know is that unlike the actual audios, it will be a hopeful/happy ending). Lots of personal sacrifices are made, lots of old traumas need to be grappled with. Also re: Narvin/Leela and Narvin/Romana, this is the “friends to lovers” part of the “enemies to friends to lovers” slowburn arc. 

(Probably my biggest writing struggle for this fic is that I don’t really know what Brax’s arc is going to be. I’m not that familiar with Brax (I only know him from the Gallifrey audios), and I’m not strongly invested in his character, so I don’t feel like I’d do a good job writing him? But this is an ensemble fic and I can’t just ignore his character, so. it’s a challenge I don’t yet know how to deal with?)

But overall, one of the reasons I’m quite interested in this fic series is because it gives me the chance to write a version of these characters’ stories where things do get rough, but they do get a happy ending of sorts. (And more specifically, I get to write a version of Romana’s story where her self-sacrificing/suicidal tendencies actually get addressed, and she slowly starts to heal.) 

So that was a lot of rambling and vagueness, but thanks for giving me the excuse to talk about this au! It’s quite a daunting project (I have little experience with longfic and with plotty fic), but I’d really love to tackle it someday! (And I would love to hear about any fantasy aus you’ve developed!!)

[dailyaudiobible]

06/15/2020 DAB Transcript

1 Kings 14:1-15:24, Acts 10:1-23, Psalms 133:1-3, Proverbs 17:7-8

Today is the 15th day of June welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is great to be here with you as we move into our week, continue our journey through this month of June, and continue our journey through the Bible. So, we’re in the book of first Kings in the Old Testament and things have kinda fallen apart. So, Solomon had his reign, brought Israel to its apex. His son Rehoboam succeeded him as king but 10 of the tribes defected or rebelled or abandoned Rehoboam’s rule and…and abandoned the house of David, for that matter and have appointed their own king's name is Jeroboam. He’s the King of Israel while Rehoboam, Solomon's son is king of Judah. Rehoboam is…it would be good…Jeroboam and Rehoboam sound very similar. So, it's easy for us to get kind of mixed up. It would be good for us to just know who we’re talking about here. Jeroboam the King of Israel, the 10 tribes of the north has lead Israel into idolatry by setting up golden calves in Dan in the north and Bethel in the South. Those are the borders of his kingdom. And now a nation that was once one chosen people has been divided into two different nations who have animosity for each other. So, we pick up that story. We’ reading from the New Living Translation this week. First Kings 14:1 through 15:24.  

Commentary:

Alright. So, in the Old Testament today in the book of first Kings, now is the time that we've gottta…we’ve gotta pay attention to the fact that these 12 tribes that we watched form…I mean we watched the 12 sons who whose offspring became the 12 tribes of Israel, we watched them be born and we watched them in slavery, we watched all of the things that they did, including the wandering in the wilderness but they unified as a people, as a family. And this family was united under King Saul. But then…well…we know the story that happened there. And, so, the house of David rose up and the tribes had all ratified this. This king who was from Judah was going to be king of Israel. They all had to get behind this. And, so, they got behind David. And remember the story of David. We see why they got behind David, because everybody knew he was running from Saul and everybody knew he was a great leader in Israel. So, when David died Solomon ascended to the throne, although there was…there was some drama, some significant drama involved in that, but Solomon ascended the throne and brought this unified Israel, this unified monarchy to its apex. And then Solomon drifted away from God. And it…you know…it was a brief description of what happened. The wives and concubines that he had, he started trying to pacify them and let them worship their own gods and he was seduced away. We’ll…we’ll hear more about these things as we continue through the Bible, especially when we do the book of Ecclesiastes. But after Solomon's reign things fell apart. So, Solomon's son, David's grandson, Rehoboam became king of Israel and everybody came together to ratify that he would be the king over all the tribes of Israel, but he was arrogant and he told the people, especially of the northern tribes that he was going to make life even more difficult for them than his father had made. And, so, they rebelled and made Jeroboam their king. And now there are 10 tribes in the north, the nation of Israel and two tribes in the south, the nation of Judah. I say all that by way of review because we are in the books of the Kings, the books of the kings of Judah and Israel. And they…they weren't born and they didn't die on the same day. So, there's gonna be plenty of overlap. Like even in today's reading, Jeroboam the King of Israel in the North has been prophetically rejected by God, but his reign went on for a couple of decades. In the meantime, Rehoboam lived and reigned and his son succeeded him, and his grandson succeeded him, and we see…we should note that the kings of Israel and Judah, after Solomon's reign, they were not loyal to their covenant with God until king Asa of Judah, which we briefly read about today, began to turn things back around, began to serve God as his ancestor King David had done. So, in so many ways it is like we’re repeating the book of Judges only in a very organized political military. Again, in the book of Judges everybody's doing what's right in their own eyes and now everybody can’t do what’s right in their own eyes. The king can. But this thing that they thought was gonna unite them and make everything better was just a brief temporary fix. The thing that will hold them together is their covenant with God but seems to be the thing that’s disposable. And we will continue this journey as we move through many, many generations and centuries of Kings who ruled in Israel and who ruled in Judah.

In the New Testament some pretty significant developments are happening in the book of Acts, things that have implications that are far, far, far reaching and actually craft the story of the early church. So Cornelius, Roman centurion, is a God-fearing man. And this is what the Hebrew people called a Gentile person who wasn't converting to Judaism but was attempting to live among the Hebrew people and worship among the people and honor the God of the Hebrew people. They were God-fearing and respected, and this was a respected man who had a vision telling them to send for Peter. Like just send some people south out of Joppa and get Peter and bring him back because he had some things to say. So, he does obey that. Meanwhile, Peter’s on the roof of a house in Joppa having a vision of his own – a sheet coming down full of animals that are, under the Mosaic law, unclean. And Peter is being told to eat those animals, like…like to disobey the law. Like something new is afoot and Peter is confused. He's like, “I've never…like I can't. I've never done anything like that…like this. I've never let anything unclean touch my lips to eat them.” And then in the vision he’s told what God has made clean is clean. Like, so something new is happening. And then these people arrive to…to pick up Peter and Peter’s told to go with them. We have to remember that Cornelius is not a Hebrew, he’s a Gentile. And the things that Peter’s seen in this sheet; those are the kinds of things that Gentiles eat. They’re unclean. And we are beginning to practically see that this new thing that God is doing in the world through Jesus, this thing that's forming in the world called the church that is evolving right after Jesus ministry may in fact be a little different than anybody was thinking because up until this point, Jesus was considered by some to be the Hebrew Messiah, pretty much rejected by most. That could be true. But everything Jesus had done was in a Hebrew context, and His ministry was in a Hebrew context to mostly Hebrew people and His message was very, very much in the Hebrew context. He was a rabbi who commented on all on the customs and on the Hebrew people. So, what's going on here with an angel telling a Gentile to go get Peter? And what's going on here with Peter seeing unclean things that are now permitted? A vast shift with far, far reaching implications is afoot in the early church in the book of Acts. And we will watch that come to fruition in the days ahead.

Prayer:

Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you for your faithfulness to us in our lives. And father as we come to the Scriptures each day, we ask that you would lead us into all truth. This is a promise one that we hold onto. And, so, we continue our journey forward believing that you will continue to lead and guide our steps through the Scriptures, through our understanding of them, and through the way that we live our lives because of them. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the hotline button in the app, little red button at the top. And just…yeah…I love that thing. It’s like, if you’ve got the Daily Audio Bible app you…you got a hotline and a hotline to people who are gonna pray. And, so, I love that. So, hit the hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello DAB this is David the beloved child of God in Northern California it’s been well over a year since I’ve called in. I’m still involved with young life doing ministry to adolescents and you could be praying for that community all over the world. It’s been especially hard in the COVID-19 pandemic. And young life camps are closed throughout America this summer. So, pray for creativity for young life leaders. Also, I just want to say, Jesse from Washington. I don’t know what it is about you brother but every time you call in I just…you’re on my heart. You’ve been on my prayer list for many, many months and I’m praying for you. Just know that. I’m not very good about praying a lot of the phone here but for some reason you’re the one guy that I just continually…every time I hear you call and it just piques my ears and I pay attention. Praying for faithfulness. Praying for you specifically to stay faithful to your wife. Stay strong stay encouraged. And then finally family, I would ask that you would pray for my neighbors Randall and Debra. Randall has stage IV cancer. Doctors aren’t given him much prognosis for a healthy lifestyle going forward and maybe two years to live at the most. First off and more than anything I ask that you would be praying for a miracle. My wife and I are praying for him and his wife is really losing hope. So, pray for Deborah that she would have hope. Pray for a miracle for Randall who is also having trouble sleeping. Jesse also just want to let you know I’m praying against all the attack of gossip that your wife is experiencing. Stay strong family. Love you. Bye-bye. This is David the Beloved from Northern California.

Good morning DABbers this is in response to Abby who called in and to the mothers who are weary of being afraid of what might happen to their children of…and for the families who have lost members to violence. I don’t have my own wisdom other than to say I long Lord to be a part of the solution and not the problem. So, I want to pray for Micah 6:8. What does the Lord require of you? To do justice. To love kindness. To walk humbly with your God. So, Lord I pray that You would work justice in my heart, in my thoughts, in my words to others, and my actions. Open my eyes to see injustice around me and give me the courage to speak and act against it. Lord, let me show kindness to all I encounter, to remember that they are made in Your image and so treat others as Kin. And Lord let me walk humbly with You, banish pride, and to love in Your name. I pray wisdom and humility in our leaders. Oh Lord, help our country Holy Spirit in Jesus’ name. Amen.

I am a longtime listener and a first-time caller and I’m just going to call myself Virginia from Dallas because that’s who I am. My name is Virginia and I’m living in Dallas Texas. And at the beginning of the year, Daniel the Kingdom Seeker sung a song and…and he released a word and it said “rest, trust and worship.” And I realized how much we were going to need that as we began our journey through 2020 - the rest, the trust in our God, and the worship that will get us through. And, so, daily when I…when I start my work day of course it’s at home now and part of the prayer that I pray it says rest trust and worship and O Lord even in this day’s most stressful moments may I rest in you. Increase my love for Your word and Your people and let passion rise within me. Let the fire of the Holy Spirit rise inside of me in the mighty name of our Lord Jesus, in the matchless name of our Savior. And I just wanted to say to my brother how much I appreciate that word and how it has carried me through the tribulations of 2020. I love you DABbers. I listen and I pray along with you. I remember you. I love you. And I thank God for community that understands the power of love and prayer. Brian…

I would just like to ask for prayer request. I’m in a marriage. I accepted Christ about six years ago and my husband has not, and this causes me to struggle with my faith. So, right now I’m just struggling really hard trying to believe God’s word and deal with my husband at the same time. It just keeps putting doubts in my head. So, I’m just…just requesting prayer for me for like God to strengthen my faith and pray for my husband that isn’t saved. Thank you so much. I just joined this about a week ago and I’m loving it and I wish that I joined it so I could have been a part of this from the beginning of the year, but I’m thankful that it is now part of my life and I’m getting in the word more. So, I’m thankful for that and if you could just please lift me and my husband up in prayer and most importantly pray for my strength in…in God and these doubts from the enemy just stop because I feel like I’m being attacked right now. Thank you and have a great day.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this Taria calling from Chicago. I’ve called in a couple of times before with prayer requests for my family and to offer encouragement to others but today I’m calling because I just learned that a gentleman that’s done some work with me around my house for the better part of 10 years now just shared with me that his son and his wife have recently passed away. He lost his son earlier this year and lost his wife just not even a month ago. He and his wife came to America over 40 years ago to build a better life for them and their small family. He is now here separated from the majority of his family from his home country and his support system and it just breaks my heart that such a wonderful hard-working loving person is just dealing with so much on top of everything else that’s going on in 2020. So, I’m just asking for the Daily Audio Bible family to pray for Mr. Batista, that he can get through this extremely difficult time and just be surrounded by all the love and faith and endurance that it’s gonna require of him to…to stay strong. Thank you very much.

Good morning prodigal I’m glad to hear your story. You know what? Israel fell to pieces because they didn’t know who they are. America falls to pieces because she’s been torn apart by her internal strife. My family was torn apart because we didn’t know who we were and that’s how it’s been. But I know I’ve got a Father who cares about justice. I’ve got a God of hope as it says in Romans. It fills me with all joy and peace as I serve Him. And I know that He cares to put good food on my plate, He cares about who I am because my Father is the prize…kind of person I want to be. My Father walked here on earth in the person of Jesus Christ. He showed exactly what sort of family I’m a part of. And prodigal I’m proud to be in your family. I’m proud to call you my brother and I’m also proud that we have a Father that cares to do justice in the courts of heaven. And that’s exactly where we belong. Even on this moment on our knees while were waiting for revival to break out in America where there’s fighting and violence on the spirit of consternation and if frustration and of anger has its way, I know that the Holy Spirit is on the wave behind that. I know that my God is great and just, greatly to be praised. His Angels are mighty and waiting for us to pray the word and to release them into the atmosphere around these cities. He’s waiting for us to be strong in Him not in who we are here in flesh but in Spirit. And I praise the Lord for watching over ...

Convicted Beyond Measure what a glorious and beautiful name. I heard your prayer, your plea this morning and was overwhelmed with the heart of the Lord for you. A sweet and soft kind love, the embrace of a loving parent who weeps over their child in sadness and in joy. And what a wonderful name Convicted Beyond Measure, for conviction in Christ is the realization of how much we are loved. Lord I ask for my sibling that you give them peace, peace not in their emotions but peace in their soul knowing that You are in control. Lord, open their eyes to Your work that they might not be distracted by their own faults and flaws or distracted by the works of the enemy but see Your hand in all things and hold fast to that so that they may follow You and bring healing and love and joy and peace and kindness and gentleness wherever they go just as their Father and their brother Lord Jesus Christ did before them. Amen.

[mikami]

Death Note Audio Drama 11

Disc 11: Flame - a summary / partial translation

Prior translations / an explanation as to what the fuck this is.

This disc features: a lot more infuriating debate between Mikami and Virilio (the writing team really can’t be bothered to even pretend Mikami has a point for the sake of narrative), an absolutely unreasonable amount of sex, and also someone being called a high functioning sociopath.........

_________

Aizawa and Mogi are out for drinks, because Aizawa wants to discuss Near’s suspicion. Aizawa wants to place Light under surveillance before. Aizawa is very frustrated with five years of investigation having gone nowhere yet.

Aizawa points out that the task force hasn’t been targeted by Kira for five years. They suspect the task force has been protected because Kira is among them.

__________

TITLE MUSIC

__________

We’re back on the TV debate program. Paula Virilio is giving a lengthy speech about things we don’t expect of minors and the responsibility society has over minors. She asks if criminal law regarding minors is meant to punish or to course correct and raises the thought of juvenile criminals growing up to be upstanding adults. 

TAKADA: General prosecutor Teru Mikami. I am sure you have an opinion on this matter.

MIKAMI: I do, indeed, Kiyomi. And not a very popular one, I’m afraid. 

VIRILIO: It is way too popular. That’s part of the problem.

MIKAMI: Please, Paula. I didn’t interrupt your lengthy answer either.

TAKADA: You’ve spoken about your personal involvement in this matter before.

MIKAMI: Yes. There are cases where I would have liked the criminal justice system to have punished more harshly. My own mother was killed by a teenager who was wasted behind the steering wheel of his car. Of course. I wish we’d have put him into jail before it got that far. My mother would still be alive then.

VIRILIO: This is bottom of the barrel and you know it.

MIKAMI: You’re the one who’s always so concerned about cases from real daily life. This was one.

VIRILIO: With all due respect, this is not a case from real daily life. It’s a personal anecdote. 

MIKAMI: I was merely 14. It felt pretty real to me.

VIRILIO: And the law is in place to protect us from our feelings. I am convinced you were angry and bitter and that you wanted revenge. But in my opinion that’s no reason to put a child that stole from the neighbourhood convenience store behind bars.

TAKADA: Harsh words and raw emotions tonight on our show. We’ll be back in a few minutes with the discussion between jurists Paula Virilio and Teru Mikami. Right after the break.

___________

Aizawa calls Near. Near asks for his argument that points toward Light’s innocence and Aizawa retells the confinement. Near is really outraged by all of their arguments. (He also points out during the mock execution that maybe Kira just needed to use their hands and that’s why nobody killed Soichiro). Near ends up practically yelling at Aizawa.

___________

TAKADA: Welcome back, dear viewers. With me are still Paula Virilio and Teru Mikami. We’re arguing about today’s topics and especially about the question of whether or not lawyers are still needed in this era of vigilante justice. Teru Mikami. You’re position is more towards the right on this.

MIKAMI: I don’t believe it’s right wing to simply want justice. I think there is one thing we can all certainly agree on: a lot of adult criminals are actually juvenile criminals who haven’t been stopped. Society would do well to step in earlier.

VIRILIO: Of course it should step in! But not with punishment! There are many ways to step in. Something that deeply unsettles me about Kira’s most recent victims is that even children who were still in school are among them.

MIKAMI: It doesn’t unsettle me in the slightest. I wish Kira had already been active when I was being beaten up by the bullies in my class.

VIRILIO: Is Kira supposed to take you too, when your girlfriend whom you dumped is airing dirty laundry on social media? Because that seems to be exactly what happened last week in Saitama. 

TAKADA: You are referring to the sudden death of a school boy who was wrongfully accused of bullying. Teru, your answer?

MIKAMI: If that is truly what happened, that is of course regrettable. False accusations are a crime as well though. And maybe it’s one this girl should pay with her life for.

VIRILIO: Oh please.

MIKAMI: Kira is making a better society! Without frauds, liars and thugs, we’ll all be better off.

VIRILIO: So slander is worthy of capital punishment now, yes? Quarrel on the schoolyard can cost your life?

MIKAMI: That’s not what I said.

VIRILIO: Oh, of course not! Let’s note down what my opponent is propositioning here. He thinks the poison that Kira’s vigilante justice has spread in society over the last years is already impacting the behaviour of our children.

MIKAMI: You’re putting words into my mouth. I don’t think Kira’s justice is a poison. 

VIRILIO: No, you truly don’t. You think it’s the best thing to happen to us since vaccination. Because you are - and now don’t take this personally - still stuck in the thought pattern of a little schoolboy who is too angry to see the greater context.

TAKADA: Allow me to interject here. Paula is referring to what I’ll cautiously call your... wild youth. Is it alright for us to discuss this here?

MIKAMI: I have some battles behind me. I defended other children against bullies. My conscience is clear.

VIRILIO: Your criminal record begs to disagree, Teru. You’re lucky your juvenile misdeeds didn’t stop you from becoming a lawyer. You’re lucky we all believe that you’ve always been at the right side of the fight. But if you were growing up today, one word on social media would be enough for your highly revered Kira would make you feel this childish sense of justice on your own body. 

MIKAMI: Kira is certainly not a child.

VIRILIO: A teenager, yes. At least that’s what he was five years ago.

TAKADA: That’s news to me, Paula. Could you explain in more detail?

_____________

Aizawa confesses his phonecall with Near to Light. He asks for Light’s permission to put him and Misa under surveillance. Light agrees, but tells them to not tell Misa.

____________

Misa welcomes Mogi and Aizawa in her... uh, Outfit. The apartment search plays out fairly similar to the manga. 

____________

Now we’re back on Kira’s Kingdom. Topic is the Kira temple that they built with donation money.

___________

Ryuk heavily criticizes Kira’s Kingdom for being a propaganda machine. Light agrees Demegawa outlived his usefulness. And then Demegawa dies on live TV, hurray.

___________

 Aizawa and Mogi communicate about Demegawa’s death and exchange the info that neither Light nor Misa have done anything suspicious at the time.

__________

Mikami and Ryuk talk about the Demegawa killing. Ryuk points out the difficulty of Kira no longer having a spokesperson. Mikami thinks of Takada.

__________

Swiftly done, Takada announces being Kira’s spokesperson on TV: The task force is outraged. But Aizawa recognizes Takada as Light’s college GF.

__________

Swimming pool noises.

RYUK: Your constant push for fitness really suits you, Light. The midlife crisis doesn’t stand a chance against you. 

LIGHT: Very funny.

RYUK: Alright. I know why you’re really here. No bugs.

They discuss Mikami picking Takada. Both Light and Ryuk thought he’d pick Virilio as a spokesperson (he only said ‘that woman I am always on TV with’). Light is displeased because Takada is his ex and has direct ties to him. (”She’s got my number, quite literally.”) 

__________

Light calls Takada. Woohoo. Light wants to meet her at a hotel, you know the drill.

__________

Meanwhile investigators are still chilling with Misa. She made popcorn.

__________

Mello calls Near again. He doesn’t think Misa is Kira II, since he’s been stalking her for a while already. Misa and the investigators are playing board games. 

Near is amused. “While you’re still following the old Kira, my guys are already on the heels of the new one.”

__________

Takada and Light had sex at the hotel. Congrats on the sex, guys??? Her phone rings after that. She claims its just her alarm and goes to shower, but of course it is not the alarm. Light picks up. It’s Mikami/Kira! 

__________

Near explains his theory of an X-Kira to his team. They suspect the person who picked Takada already knew she is a Kira-follower, despite her not showing this opinion in public. They search Takada’s social group.

Gevanni and Lidner suggests Mikami as X-Kira, since he’s public-ally Kira’s biggest fan.

Near and the SPK are traveling to Tokyo. Gevanni is assigned to tail Mikami.

__________

Light and Mikami communicate about plans. Then they hang up and Light confesses that he’s Kira to Takada, who’s back from the shower. Neither Mikami nor Takada actually ask for proof of his identity, but that’s fine I guess.

Takada and Light fuck again. Grats on the sex.

__________

L: Maybe Mello just got the wrong job.

RYUK: Stop sneaking up on me.

L: Look at him, down there. He’s been watching Light’s apartment for two whole days. You rarely see this level of commitment from normal policemen. 

RYUK: Hah. Are you gonna tell him? Or should I?

L: Tell him what?

RYUK: That he’s wasting his time. Misa isn’t worth it.

L: That’s not very nice.

RYUK: No, I mean she doesn’t remember a thing anymore. Not a single death note she touched, no murders, nothing about the years she did Light’s dirty work.

L: I am grateful that you’re freely admitting that I was right the whole time. And this also explains why she’s such a wreck. 

RYUK: What are you talking about? She loves it. She wanted this stuffy life with Light from the very beginning. 

L: The person you’re describing is a high-functioning sociopath. A mass murderer. A criminal.

RYUK: Yes, I always liked her.

L: You can’t just cut out a part of such a person without them collapsing inward. 

RYUK: Yes, maybe.

L: Misa has always been unstable. Kira was the center of her world, for a lot of reasons. You think this is some kind of mental witness protecting program? You’re wrong about that. It’s lobotomy. 

_________

Near tells Light that he’s in Japan. He tells Light that he is using himself as bait and tells Light to tell Takada that they’re following here. Since Kira would want to finish them once and for all.

_________

Takada calls Mikami and asks for the notebook pages.

_________

Light comes home to Misa. Misa’s been drinking heavily. It’s a regular thing, every night now. She half-remembers doing something together with Light, but not what. She’s desperate to recall what they once shared.

_________

Gevanni is watching Mikami’s daily life and updating Near. Near is secretly meeting Aizawa.... in a bar. Near is in a bar. Not a drill.

Near hears that Light is fucking Takada, and he’s outraged, because that prevented bugs on their first meeting. Near is just. so fucking pissed.

_________

Misa and Takada meet at the TV station, since Misa is going to be a guest on the show. She’s supposed to talk to the death of her parents and her stalking incident on TV. 

Takada lists things that are hard on Misa, and she mentions a break-up. Misa is understandably confused.

_________

Mikami killing the drunk harasser on the train, confirming his X-Kira identity to Gevanni. Mikami is somehow reading a greek newspaper???? And he’s wearing a hat. Apparently he’s famous enough that he needs this to not be approached in public.

_________

Mogi tries to pick up Misa from the TV studio, but she isn’t there. She’s been crying. The interview on the show upset her, since they treated her as a random civilian with a Kira-story rather than as a celebrity. 

Misa wants Mogi to drive her to the Hotel Imperial, since that is where Takada went. 

_________

Near and Gevanni discuss the possibility of Mikami having a shinigami who could warn him about surveillance.

__________

Misa approaches Lidner in front of the Hotel, asks her about her bodyguard work.

__________

We hear Light and Takada having sex. Again.

During the act, Takada confronts Light on Misa not knowing about the break-up. 

Matsuda is listening in and commenting on this love triangle for a bit.

__________

Misa waits until Takada comes out from the Hotel room. She tells her that Light is hers. Takada calls bullshit and points out that Misa doesn’t even remember anything about her and Light’s story. She also calls out that Light never wanted to date Misa and only attached herself to Light.

It’s just... a giant bash-fest. In this universe, Misa never had major work again after the movie during the Yotsuba-arc. She spent the past 5 years pretty much exclusively working as Kira, but of course, she can’t remember what she did.

Also we get the absolute worst dialogue ever:

TAKADA: Also... do the Bechdel test sometime.

MISA: How dare you! I don’t have an STI!

TAKADA: You only ever talk about him. He’s all you got.

After a few more insults, Misa has to be physically held back from attacking Takada. 

MISA: Light Yagami is mine!

TAKAKDA: Light Yagami? This whole time, I was talking about Kira.

MISA: ... what?

___________

Near and Aizawa figure out that Light and Takada are talking via notes in truth.

___________

Gevanni updates Near on Mikami’s gym schedule. Gevanni says he can open the locker and then does so. He takes the Death Note.

[timeagainreviews]

Doctor Who and Video Games

We live in the era of the franchise. Everything it seems is getting the franchise treatment. After the success of the MCU, everyone wants that sweet sweet money. We’ve got the failed Universal Monsters reboot, the Harry Potter extended universe, and endless Star Wars movies. However, some franchises, it would seem, struggle to grow further than their core narrative. Star Wars never strays very far from the battle with the Empire. Which is one thing you can’t really say about Doctor Who. Doctor Who has done fantasy, sci-fi, period drama, schlocky horror, whimsy, and utter rubbish. I’ve always admired Doctor Who’s flexibility as a property. It lends itself beautifully to a wide range of mediums, such as audios and comic books. But what about video games? Are there any good Doctor Who video games? Could there be?

Over the past week, in preparation for this article, I've completely immersed myself in the world of Doctor Who video games. I feel uniquely qualified to have an opinion on the subject. But before we continue, I give a word of caution. I'm talking directly to you, now. Never in your life, should you ever play "Doctor Who: Return to Earth," for the Nintendo Wii. It's not worth the £1.80 that I spent on eBay. You don't ever deserve to do that to yourself. I don't care what you've done, nobody deserves that. If like myself, you have played this game, you have my deepest sympathies, especially if you paid for it new.

It doesn't interest me to make a list of the worst Doctor Who video games, as many people have done this already. It's nothing new to say that Doctor Who has a video game problem. When I wrote that Doctor Who should be run by Disney, I don't actually mean it should happen. I was merely illustrating that Disney knows how to take care of its properties. I would venture that Doctor Who has always had a bit of a management problem. Merchandise from Doctor Who has always reminded me of Krusty the Clown merchandise. So much of it is some bullshit they slapped a Dalek on said: "10 quid please!" Barring the occasional home run or third-party licensing, a lot of the merchandise is pretty uninspired. Which is bananas, because the world of Doctor Who has so much colour and potential.

Video games based off of movies and television are almost always as bad as movies and television based off of video games. They're rarely breaking the mould in their new medium. Most of the time, tie-ins such as these are quick soulless cash grabs. You can see this a lot in the Matt Smith era. There are at least seven games featuring his Doctor, and then a sudden decline. Matt Smith was the Doctor during one of the show's biggest points in popularity. Never before had the show been embraced on such an international level. Of course, the Beeb wanted to push as many video games out as possible.

The problem is, they didn't throw a lot of money at it, and not one project seemed to get the focus it deserved. I won't pretend to know the motivation behind the BBC's forays into video games, but it seems to be a trend with them to overdo something, and then be scared of it in the future. They changed the 5.5" figurine set to a 3.75" scale and nobody wanted them. Because of this, we haven't seen nearly as many 5.5" figures since. They once put out a figure of Lady Casandra's frame after she exploded into gore. We used to get figures like Pig Lazlo and the Gran from "The Idiot's Lantern." Now we'll be lucky if we get everyone's favourite- Graham O'Brien. They also did it with the Doctor Who Experience. They make this brilliant Doctor Who museum with the OK'est walkthrough story, and then put it right in the middle of Cardiff. They wondered why it never made any money. I've been twice, and I gotta say- they should have put it in London. It would still be open.

This isn't to say all of Matt Smith's video games are bad. In fact, the Eleventh Doctor adventure games referred to simply as "The Doctor Who Adventure Games," are some of my favourite in the entire lot. And as much as I would like to blame the BBC for their lack of caring, the fact is Doctor Who is not easy to translate into video games. Even if they do care, they still need the right team on the job. Oddly, it's one of the Doctor's greatest charms that makes Doctor Who hard to translate into a video game, and that's the Doctor's stance on violence. If the Doctor could pick up a laser pistol and just frag some Daleks, we'd probably have an entire series on our hands. Unfortunately, most developers go one of two ways. They either ignore the pacifism or we get countless mind-numbing puzzles.

Puzzles are by far the worst element of any Doctor Who game. In the browser-based "Worlds in Time," there were a plethora of Bejewelled type mini-games and pipe matching puzzles. The puzzles got increasingly harder even if the player wasn't also getting increasingly better. Even the platformer "The Eternity Clock," was mired in constantly stopping to do puzzles. They pop up in the Adventure Games, but other than the infuriating "don't touch the sides," puzzles, they don't detract much from the gameplay. There were moments where I felt a bit like a companion because I was decoding a Dalek computer for the Doctor, which is really the money spot for a Doctor Who video game. Any time a Doctor Who game can make you feel like you're in Doctor Who is time well spent.

When asking my friends what kind of Doctor Who video game they would like to see, many of them mentioned they would like a survival horror type game. We sort of get this in many of the Smith era games. In "Return to Earth," the mechanic is sloppy and infuriating at best. In "The Eternity Clock," and the Adventure Games, it's a little more manageable. It's a nice way to add a challenge to a non-violent gameplay style. It would be interesting to see what a game team from something like "Thief," or "Resident Evil," might do with the sneaking aspect.

Another way the games have completely side-stepped the non-violence and puzzles is by having the Doctor act as a secondary character. The player is put in the position of the companion or perhaps a UNIT soldier as in the case of "Destiny of the Doctors." If you've not played DotD, I wouldn't blame you. I was hitting my head against the wall just trying to figure out what to do. The only real reason to play that game is for one last chance to see the fabulous Anthony Ainley reprise the role of the Master. He's in totally smarmy ham mode, even if it's a bunch of gibberish they shot in a day. You can find the entirety of the footage on YouTube and it's surreal.

The problem with having the Doctor be violent is that it doesn't feel true to the character. Sure, Three did some Venusian aikido, Four broke that dude's neck in "Seeds of Doom," and even Twelve socked a racist in the face, but these are isolated incidents. The spirit of the Doctor is lost in 1992's "Dalek Attack," when the Doctor is forced to go full on bullet hell on a Dalek hover cart. It's funny then that one of my favourite Doctor Who games incorporates a violent Doctor. In the Doctor Who level of "Lego Dimensions," the Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver to make villains fall apart in a very safe Lego style violence. I can excuse this mostly because the game is not primarily a Doctor Who game at heart.

Funnily enough, the Lego game does something I've always wanted in a Doctor Who video game. I've always wanted to have a Doctor Who game where you could regenerate into different Doctors, and also go into their respective TARDISes. Sure, some of the games on the Commodore 64 allowed you to regenerate, but it was pretty naff in its execution. I tell no lies when I say I spent a lot of time regenerating and reentering the TARDIS to explore the Lego versions of their respective console rooms. Really, the biggest problem with the Lego Doctor Who game is that it wasn't it's own game. Lego Dimensions was its own failure. If TT Games would come out with an entire Doctor Who game, I would buy it yesterday.

The overarching problem with every Doctor Who game is the same problem Torchwood had- if it wasn't attached to Doctor Who, we wouldn't be interested. While I did have a lot of fun with the Adventure Games and Lego Dimensions, not one Doctor Who game has every element right. One has a good story, but poor mechanics, another has great mechanics but doesn't feel right. It's a bit of a tight rope to find the perfect balance, but I don't feel it's impossible

One of the reasons I would love to see a proper Lego Doctor Who game is that they have a history of good adaptations. They're not exactly beloved games, but I myself play a lot of them. One of the most impressive things I've seen them do was in Lego Batman 3, where they made each of the planets in the Green Lantern mythos a visitable world. Could you imagine the same treatment for Doctor Who? Visiting Telos and Skaro, and then popping off to medieval earth or Gallifrey? You could get different missions depending on which Doctor you were, or what time you arrive in. And the collectable characters! So many companions, and Doctors, and baddies, and costume variations to unlock! Doesn't that sound nice? You can buddy Jamie and Amy with Seven and Twelve and have an all Scottish TARDIS! A Zygon could ride K9!

The fact is, we probably won't see a very expansive Doctor Who game. I would be very enthusiastic for an open world Doctor Who game, but even as I type it, it sounds difficult to pull off. I may be able to say what doesn't work about the games, but saying what would work is admittedly, not as simple, but this doesn't mean I can't think of at least one good game. Piecing together some of the things I mentioned earlier, I think the best genre for Doctor Who is point-and-click adventures. I know I keep singing the praises of the Doctor Who Adventure Games, but it's because I think they were actually onto something. It's sad then that they scrapped any further developments to work on the inferior "Eternity Clock."

Could you imagine a point and click Doctor Who in the same vein as "Day of the Tentacle," or "Thimbleweed Park"? You walk around as the Doctor, pick up bits, talk to funny characters and solve complex problems. If you throw in a bit of horror survival, you've basically got the Adventure Games, which is my point- Do more with what they've already done. Grow the concepts. Improve the mechanics. A Doctor Who game should be jammed packed with Easter eggs, unlockables, and mystery. The point is, do more. Even their phone apps are abysmal. You know how much I would play a “Pokémon Go,” style Doctor Who game? You go around trapping baddies in cages you set off with your sonic screwdriver or something. I. Would. Catch. Them. All.

We still have “The Edge of Time,” coming to PC and consoles in October, and I'm pensively excited. While the graphics seem really top notch, in no way does it feel like anything more than a fun little VR experience. The game is going to remain exclusive to that small subsection of gamers that own a VR headset. Before it has even been released, it's closed itself off to yet another section of its very wide audience. Let's just hope that it doesn't scare the BBC away from making a proper Doctor Who game in the near future. And in the meantime, I'm going to have to borrow my friends' VR set, because of course, I'm going to play it. It's Doctor Who.

Well friends, thanks for reading! I had a lot of fun “researching,” this article. Playing Doctor Who games all week? Oh no, twist my arm! Sadly, a lot of these games are no longer available from their original sources. I was able to find a lot of them on the Internet Archive. If you want to give them a go, I would definitely suggest it. A couple of them are even capable of being emulated on your browser from the Internet Archive. The game I had the hardest time locating was “The Gunpowder Plot,” but I was eventually able to find it after some digging. I didn’t play any of the text-based games because I’m not very good with spatial awareness, and so text-based games are usually a nightmare for me. Sadly, Worlds in Time is lost forever, but I remember my character fondly. I also discovered I’m pretty good at Top Trumps: Doctor Who. Go figure.

[failedimitator]

And then she asked me, “How do you define kindness?”

I hadn’t seen V for five months now, and a lot has happened since we last talked. So here I was, sitting in her office which is always a degree or two colder than it should be, and recapping the last five months of my life: Italy, Nigeria, London, Berlin, Tallinn, and then some. I told her about how things are going with my family, and of course about my short-lived relationship with K.

“The last time I saw K,” I said to her, “it didn’t go so well.”

What happened was, after a series of awkward encounters, text messages, and audio notes that were misinterpreted, I asked K out for dinner to clear the air. We met at a restaurant halfway between our respective apartments, and right off the bat, things didn’t start well.

“What happened to your eye?” I asked K, right after she sat down.

“Nothing, what are you talking about?”

“Underneath your right eye,” I said, “It looks like a bruise.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

There’s a cheap way romantic comedies and sitcoms sometimes manufacture drama, and that’s the trope of the toilet seat. For some reason, the man always keeps the toilet seat up, and somehow the woman is incapable of putting it down before using it because of course she only goes at the last possible second. She falls in and they have a fight. It’s a stupid fucking trope and I hate it. Whenever I see it, I’m thinking, for most people in the world, having a toilet with running water is a privilege, so get the fuck out with this toilet seat down business. We’re happy with just having a toilet.

But recently, I’ve come to see it in a new light. In that, it’s one of those fights where it’s never really about the thing that it’s about. Like fights about doing the dishes or taking out the trash, they’re always proxies for some other bigger issue, usually respect, or consideration, or just a sign that your partner is thinking about not just themselves. The proxies end up being silly things like the toilet seat and taking out the trash because the real issues are so much more difficult to tackle. 

So when I asked K about the bruise underneath her right eye and she said there wasn’t anything there, I got mad not because of the fucking bruise underneath her right eye, but because the bruise was a metaphor for our relationship. The bruise was every issue I saw and raised that she assured me wasn’t an issue at all, but later turned out to be. The bruise was every time she said she’d call and then never did. The bruise was her telling me she loved me and only wanted to be with me, and then making out with someone else.

“So I lost my shit,” I said to V, “and spewed out this verbal vomit at K about all the ways in which she’s hurt me. She got up and left in the middle of it.”

V nodded, as she wrote things down on her pad.

“But then the next day, I sent her a text apologising for my behaviour.”

“Why did you apologise?" V asked. “She did hurt you.”

“Yes she did,” I agreed, “but I didn’t think it was kind to subject her to that, especially since we’re no longer in each other’s lives.”

And then she asked me, “How do you define kindness?”

[kevzdg]

Gawad Urian 2017 Predictions

photo grabbed from: http://www.rappler.com/entertainment/31595-live-blog-36th-gawad-urian

Dubbed as the Philippine version of the British Academy of Film and Television Awards and the Oscars (then again, why  does there have to be a Western counterpart to every Filipino original), the prestigious Gawad Urian comes back to celebrate the best of Filipino films once more, now reaching its glorious 40th year of ceremony. The judges are composed of a number of Filipino National Artists such as Bienvendio Lumbera, among others, and notable film critics such as Tito Valiente, all of whom can collectively be called the Manunuri ng Pelikulang Pilipino (MPP). This past year has been a spectacle for Filipino films as the nominees of the Gawad Urian have been multi-award-winning works in film festivals both local and foreign. I have seen almost all of the films nominated only by happenstance that I get to catch them in the theatres where they would have only about one to three days of screening only to be replaced by a Western film that would earn probably 10 times more than these independent films. However, this does not tamper with the quality (and, in a better world, the popularity) of these Filipino films that boasts rich narratives made by our own Filipino filmmakers. What I shall do is to assess, the way I see it, which film would most likely nag each of the awards; nonetheless, we must never forget that the film that wins the award does not necessarily indicate that it is better than the others; all of these films share a unique quality to their creative aspects and should be given the credit that they deserve given that they have been among the nominees of the Gawad Urian this year. Now, without further ado, let us venture into the best of this year’s Filipino Cinema (as seen by the MPP).

 Best Sound

And the nominees are:

Hinulid, Mark Laccay

Women of the Weeping River, Albert Michael Idioma & Immanuel Verona

Ang Babaeng Humayo, Corinne De San Jose, Mark Locsin & Che Villanueva

Pamilya Ordinaryo, Albert Michael Idioma & Emmanuel Verona

Ma Rosa, Albert Michael Idioma

Paglipay, Andrew Milallos

Baboy Halas, Willie Apa, Jr. & Charlie Daclan

It is arguable, questionable even, whether foley artists from the other films deserve the award more in this battle of the sound than the sound recordists whose recordings are the diegetic (natural) sounds. Even thinking of assessing their mixing is difficult enough for me. But what I do know is that Hinulid has missed my watchlist this year, but I have a friend who was there to tell me all about it, and I’ll just trust his word: Hinulid has crisp sound. As for the other nominees, I prefer choosing as my top three choices Ang Babaeng Humayo, for its foley, also dubbed as sound editing or in layman’s terms the “making of the sound”, that sets the tone of the whole film, even in the silence that is marked by the cutting of the sound, notable in the air-videoke performance scene between Hollanda and Horacia as they were singing happily in the living room, Pamilya Ordinaryo, for capturing the rawness and grittiness of the sound of the streets and the despair that comes with it (better than Ma Rosa did), and Baboy Halas, for captivating the audience with the sounds of the forest and nature by carefully placing the microphone to record the hymn of the far-flung places deep into the woods of Mindanao and into the heart of the indigenous community.

Will win: Baboy Halas

Could win: Ang Babaeng Humayo

Best Music

And the nominees are:

Paglipay, Gian Gianan

Women of the Weeping River, Kit Mendoza

Saving Sally, Pablo Pico

Pauwi Na, Pike Ramirez, Paolo Villaluna & Veena Ramirez

Tuos, Jema Pamintuan

I’m going say this first and foremost of all: I don’t remember much of the music used in each of the nominees. To be perfectly honest, the trouble I have with this category is that music taste is completely arbitrary and different between individuals, that’s why I would assess the music by how it was incorporated into the film more than the actual score and arrangement.  Probably the best scores, in my opinion, are Saving Sally and Tuos, where the former builds on a rom-com vibe whereas the latter centered on the solemnity of Filipino folk music. Narrative-wise, both scores have been blended well up to the point of karmic duty to the audience for a wonderful audio-visual experience.

Will win: Tuos

Could win: Saving Sally

Best Editing

And the nominees are:

Women of the Weeping River, Carlo Francisco Manatad

Ma Rosa, Diego Marx Dobles

Pauwi Na, Ellen Ramo & Paolo Villaluna

Ang Babaeng Humayo, Lav Diaz

Pamilya Ordinaryo, Carlo Francisco Manatad

Paglipay, Zig Madamba Dulay

Die Beautiful, Benjamin Gonzales Tolentino

I have not seen Pauwi Na but I heard that it’s good but the editing is just basic. The others in this category I definitely can comment about; however, the picks I have to place above all else are Die Beautiful, my prediction for  MMFF 2016 Best Editing which lost to arguably last year’s best Filipino documentary Sunday Beauty Queen, and Pamilya Ordinaryo, which won best editing in last year’s acclaimed Cinemalaya 2017. Perhaps the better thing to say is that in my book, both could easily be tied for the position, with Die Beautiful’s non-linear editing that contributes to the power of its story-telling, and Pamilya Ordinaryo’s easy cuts from one pain to another whilst including inside the  frames the poverty in the streets through the lens of CCTV camera footages; nevertheless, I placed Die Beautiful just a little ways up the road simply because I wouldn’t pass on an unconventional narrative tool that it used: telling the story in an uncouthed fashion (and give Benjamin Tolentino his Urian already! Recall his editing works in the masterpiece Transit and Dagitab, both from Cinemalaya, one from 2013 and 2014, respectively).

Will win (hopefully): Die Beautiful

Could win: Pamilya Ordinaryo

Best Production Design

And the nominees are:

Ma Rosa, Dante Mendoza

Die Beautiful, Angel Diesta

Ned's Project, John Paul Sapitula

Women of the Weeping River, Harley Alcasid

Pamilya Ordinaryo, Harley Alcasid

Paglipay, Aped Santos

Saving Sally, Erik Manalo & Rommel Laquian

Hinulid, Ryan Cuatrona & Celine Belino

Baboy Halas, Joel Geolamen

I was surprised to the core when I found out that Ang Babaeng Humayo and Seklusyon was excluded from the nominees because period dramas are raining on everyone’s parade in this category for the previous Urian awards (save for last year’s Water Lemon a surprise win for the coveted art department prize). This year, no period drama is even on that list! And there aren’t even notable winners from Filipino film festival’s Best Production Design on this very list (recall, Tuos from Cinemalaya 2016 and Tisay from CinemaOne Originals)! Excitement aside, I feel as though there are a lot of strong choices in this category, especially since I, myself, am now recalling Women of the Weeping River, the film I watched with my uncle the previous year: I never remembered it until this category and how raw it is as it boasts the narrative of land-grabbing and clan wars in Mindanao.  I just have to make shots in the dark and choose as the leads Hinulid and Die Beautiful.

Will win: Hinulid

Could win: literally any film on the category because that’s how confusing this set of  nominees are

Best Cinematography

And the nominees are:

Women of the Weeping River, Rommel Sales

Ang Babaeng Humayo, Lav Diaz

Ma Rosa, Odyssey Flores

Paglipay, Albert Banzon

Pamilya Ordinaryo, Albert Banzon

Baboy Halas, Raphael Meting & Mark Limbaga

Tuos, Mycko David

Yet another surprise! Ma Rosa is on the list! Why is it another surprise, one might ask. Well, the film “intentionally” mimics the shakiness of a handheld camera and puposefully does it the whole film: it being a directorial decision is just the distasteful icing on top of the cake.  All the other cinematography nominees are not surprises, in contrast. However, I have to put as one of my predictions Ang Babaeng Humayo simply because Diaz placed the camera in such a way that incorporates everything that is happening within the frames of his film. Another is Tuos’ Mycko David who won best cinematography for last year’s Cinemalaya and whose works speak for themselves (Kasal (2014) and Children’s Show (2014)).  And last but not the least, and my personal favorite and bet, Baboy Halas with first time cinematographer Raphael Meting and well-known director of photography Mark Limbaga; in addition, the director of Baboy Halas is the amazing Director Of Photography turned director Bagane Fiola, this film had the perfect ‘matog’ (cinematography) ensemble! And what came out is a smooth and powerful handling of the camera.

Will win: Baboy Halas

Could win: Tuos

Long shot: Ang Babaeng Humayo

 Best Screenplay

And the nominees are:

Ned's Project, John Bedia

Pauwi Na, Paolo Villaluna and Ellen Ramos

Women of the Weeping River, Sheron Dayoc

Paglipay, Zig Madamba Dulay

Ma Rosa, Troy Espiritu

Patay na si Hesus, Fatrick Tabada

Ang Babaeng Humayo, Lav Diaz

Pamilya Ordinaryo, Eduardo Roy, Jr.

This is the most interesting list of nominees for best screenplay that I have seen in my years of following the Gawad Urian. We have a plethora of great narratives and great dialogue and great screenplay. Some may not be as serious as the others but that is what makes this an interesting group. I remember laughing my heart out watching the first half of the film Patay na si Hesus ironically enough since the title denotes something sad, but I was unable to finish it so I’m not so sure. Usually comedies are my choice for best screenplay and my most favorite prediction was last year’s Mercury is Mine a dark comedy which won best screenplay for Cinemalaya 2016 (and I’m still wondering why it isn’t included in this quasi-perfect list of nominees). If one checks the previous winners of this Gawad Urian category, which I did, one will find a long list of serious-toned films that boasts its narrative and characters, rather than the laughs it has given, and this year is no different (my year of predicting comedy to win this is still in hold, I am yet to look for the right opportunity). Instead we turn to Urian favorite Lav Diaz (who won around 2-3 times in this category) and Troy Espiritu who wrote for Brillante Mendoza. What we get are two amazing screenplays, one fit for the current drug war in the Philippines and one another dragging yet bountiful gender sensitive harvest from Lav Diaz. I must admit when I was watching the latter, I felt bored most of the time, but instead I focused on the dialogue and narrative. Personally, Ma Rosa would be my bet narrative-wise but there is a magic in Lav Diaz’s Humayo that speaks more than volumes and can only be understood upon watching. The other favorites of mine are Pamilya Ordinaryo and Women of the Weeping River.

 Will Win: Ang Babaeng Humayo

Could win: Ma Rosa

Long shot: Women of the Weeping River or Paglipay

In an ideal world (personal favorite but I don’t think it would win): Pamilya Ordinaryo

 Best Supporting Actress

And the nominees are:

Rhed Bustamante, Seklusyon

Barbie Forteza, Tuos

Sharifa Pearlsia     Ali-Dans, Women of the Weeping River

Anna Luna, Paglipay

Joan Dela Cruz, Paglipay

Lui Manansala, Ned's     Project

Lotlot de Leon, MRS

Meryll Soriano, Pauwi     Na

Janine Gutierrez, Dagsin

Mariam     Zimadar Haji Caranay Raper – Women of the Weeping River

Who would’ve thought that Barbie Forteza would be in this category? Because I’m sure I didn’t. Her acting was just simply okay in Tuos. Another unexpected nominee is Rhed Bustamante, the Maria child in Seklusyon (my wild guess as to why she’s here is because she had inappropriate lines spoken in the film yet was delivered convincingly). And, wow, look at Lotlot De Leon in this list! Her acting in MRS is as great as it sounds. Along with her on top are Sharifa Pearlsia Ali-Dans and Mariam Zimadar Haji Caranay Raper from Women of the Weeping River simply because they have a character whose sketch is written for them which they flawlessly portrayed.

Will win: Lotlot De Leon from MRS

Could win: Sharifa Pearlsia Ali-Dans or Mariam Zimadar Haji Caranay Raper from Women of the Weeping River

Best Supporting Actor

And the nominees are:

Taha Daranda, Women of     the Weeping River

Christian Bables, Die     Beautiful

Jess Mendoza, Hinulid

John Lloyd Cruz, Ang     Babaeng Humayo

Nonie Buencamino, Ang     Babaeng Humayo

Julio Diaz, Ma Rosa

Another great list of artists and first time actors alike. Julio Diaz added that rawness and grittiness of a character to identify with even though he is easily judged upon first glance. And we must not forget Christian Bables’ amazing portrayal of a pained homosexual bestfriend in Die Beautiful who is equally matched by another portrayal of a transgender by John Lloyd Cruz in Ang Babaeng Humayo. Also in this list is the magbabalut played by Nonie Buencamino whose presence in the film as a quasi-confidant is essentially one of the most important characters in the film. Another critically acclaimed character is one played by Taha Daranda who won as the best supporting actor in QCinema 2016 for Women of the Weeping River. Who do I chose?

Will win (only by a few marks from the second): Christian Bables from Die Beautiful

Could win: John Lloyd Cruz from Ang Babaeng Humayo

In an ideal world: Taha Daranda from Women of the Weeping River

 Best Actress

And the nominees:

Nora Aunor, Hinulid

Laila Ulao, Women of     the Weeping River

Jaclyn Jose, Ma Rosa

Cherry Pie Picache, Pauwi     Na

Ai Ai delas Alas, Area

Charo Santos, Ang     Babaeng Humayo

Elizabeth Oropesa, MRS

Irma Adlawan, ORO

Hasmine Kilip, Pamilya     Ordinaryo

The list of nominees in this category has got me tumbling up and down, left and right, and in all impossible directions. This is the list that nailed the game and pitted the best against the best, both veteran and new. Laila Ulao from Women of the Weeping River and Hasmine Kilip from Pamilya Ordinaryo, both fresh from the new actresses pool have each won best actress categories in their main film festivals from last year. And here comes veterans Ai Ai delas Alas, used to portraying happy characters, have come in this year’s list as she played a depressed brothel-head and used up all her tears, and Cherry Pie Picache for Pauwi Na, playing a supportive mother. Best actress winners and veterans are also in this list, Irma Adlawan from Oro won in MMFF 2016 and Elizabeth Oropesa from MRS has won in Sinag Maynila 2016. In addition to those overwhelming wins, Jaclyn Jose’s Palme D’or is not some ignorable trophy for best actress too! From this pool is the multiple Urian-nominated actress Charo Santos who is yet to get an award as her ticket for this year is her acting prowess for her character Horacia in Ang Babaeng Humayo. Last but not the least, is multiple-award-winning actress Nora Aunor for Hinulid. How do I choose between them? Only God knows how. The only problem I have with this list is that Pokwang isn’t here for her convincing acting in Mercury is Mine, one of my favorite films from last year’s run.

Will win ( but, literally anyone has a great chance but my guess, which is also a long shot at best, is): Hasmine Kilip from Pamilya Ordinaro

Could win: ANYONE NOMINATED THIS YEAR FOR THIS CATEGORY!

Best Actor

And the nominees are:

Tommy Abuel, Dagsin

Bembol Roco, Pauwi Na

Garry Cabalic, Paglipay

Khalil Ramos, 2 Cool 2     Be 4gotten

Paolo Ballesteros, Die     Beautiful

Ronwaldo Martin, Pamilya     Ordinaryo

Pepe Smith, Singing in     Graveyards

I did not expect Pepe Smith to be in this category! Add to that is the shock in knowing that Khalil is nominated for this prestigious award, not that  he doesn’t deserve it but I just didn’t see it coming (at all). But what rises up from this pool, better than the rest, is Paolo Ballesteros for his rightful portrayal in Die Beautiful. And, perhaps a little inches below him , is Tommy Abuel and his protruding character from Dagsin.

Will win: Paolo Ballesteros from Die Beautiful

Could win: Tommy Abuel from Dagsin

In an ideal world: Ronwaldo Martin from Pamilya Ordinaryo

 Best Director

And the nominees are:

Brilliante Mendoza, Ma'     Rosa

Eduardo W. Roy, Jr., Pamilya     Ordinaryo

Zig Madamba Dulay, Paglipay

Lav Diaz, Ang Babaeng     Humayo

Bagane Fiola, Baboy     Halas

Paolo Villaluna, Pauwi     Na

Avid Liongoren, Saving     Sally

Sheron Dayoc, Women of     the Weeping River

Lemuel Lorca, Ned's     Project

 This long list is as powerful as it can get. A battle between auteur directors Lav Diaz and Brillante Mendoza against the newest wave of indie filmmakers such as Lem Lorca, Eduardo Roy Jr., Zig Dulay, and Shero Dayoc! Truly this is a spectacle. The way I would judge is not based on the narrative but instead on the director’s control over the totality of the film: how the film language is translated directly to screen, and how the elements come across each other in ominous ways. What rises above is, of course, veterans Lav Diaz, whose signature long shots, dragging yet powerful story, and a long end mark (almost 4 hours! The shortest full length he has made in his years of filmmaking) is present, and with that on the same spectrum is Brillante Mendoza’s poverty-infused narrative that coalesces the realism in each frame, and the ‘signature’ shakiness of footage (it is perplexing why he had to do this). What comes close but not quite there yet are Zig Dulay since his story speaks well to a gravity that is not so in-your-face that was achieved with just the right amount of control, and with him is Eduardo Roy Jr. and his translation of a narrative that takes courage and patience. But, it really is such a bummer than even with my analysis, as hard as I can scrutinize it in detail, the list of winners in this category is a truly unpredictable batch of individuals, underdogs, in some cases. So I would go by saying that I would rather a new director win than these veterans, and I really hope they do!

Will win: Zig Dulay for Paglipay

Could win: Eduardo Roy Jr. for Pamilya Ordinaryo

 Best Picture

And the nominees are:

Pamilya Ordinaryo

Paglipay

Ang Babaeng Humayo

Women of the Weeping River

Ma'Rosa

Baboy Halas

This is my favorite award, and it couldn’t be more obvious. In choosing a best picture, I include my own personal biases as a large part in choosing rather than analysis of previous winners and that’s how I plan to choose. I base it on overall impact, social relevance, and personal taste. Instead of doing the usual would win and could win, I would rank them all in order of my predictions, one being the best of the bunch and six being theleast of the bunch.

1.      Pamilya Ordinaryo

2.      Paglipay

3.      Ma Rosa

4.      Baboy Halas

5.      Ang Babaeng Humayo

6.      Women of the Weeping River

 Gawad Urian 2017 is happening on July 20, 2017. Catch the 40th Gawad Urian on Cinema One (SkyCable ch. 56, Destiny Cable Digital Channel 56, and Destiny Analog Ch. 37) on July 20 at 9 p.m.

 Sources:

Villano, Alex. LIST: Nominees, Gawad Urian 2017. Rappler. (27 June 2017). http://www.rappler.com/entertainment/news/174023-nominees-gawad-urian-2017

Philstar.com. COMPLETE LIST: 40th Gawad Urian Official Nominees. PhilStar Global Entertainment. (27 June, 2017)  http://www.philstar.com/entertainment/2017/06/27/1714143/complete-list-40th-gawad-urian-official-nominees

[momentskrp-archive]

INTRODUCING…

qi ‘mouse’ mila, the barista at aroma who moved into the sweetheart sharehouse nearly one year ago. we hear she’s staying in 1B, and that she wants to be a respected idol/musician. good luck with that.

THE PAST.

+ march, 1998 the qi family gains their newest member on a cool, spring evening: a daughter, much to the disappointment of her parents’ relatives but not to her parents themselves. they name her mila, pleased just to be parents, pleased to have her happy and healthy. she’s their only child, and she’s showered with affection from the day she’s born and onwards.

+ september, 2002 mila starts school, already confident and outgoing and ready to make friends. her cousins are all older than she is, all boys, and she’s too young to understand the disappointed looks her grandparents give her whenever she’s compared to them. she likes dolls, and colouring, singing along to the cds her mom plays in the car on the way to her swimming lessons, and making her own songs to go along with whatever activity she’s doing at the time. her teachers love her exuberance, her peers love her energy, and her parents love her more than ever.

+ december, 2006 parent-teacher interviews come and pass twice a year every year, with both criticism and praise. they’re almost always the same things – mila is bright, enthusiastic, and an active participant in class, yet sometimes too talkative, distracting to the rest of her peers, and headstrong with her opinions and desires. she’s often told to quiet down, to be less stubborn, not to speak over others. grade three brings something new. someone new. her music teacher comes down specifically to tell her parents how impressed she is with mila in music class, how she excells in catching onto the rhythm and beats of everything steps ahead of anyone else. her own teacher chimes in to express how excited mila gets every week for it. they recommend getting her into something, and her parents sign her up for piano lessons within the week.

+ november, 2008 in grade five, mila joins choir and discovers that she can’t sing. she loves music – she’s been praised in her piano classes outside of school for having an affinity for quick learning and improvisation, in her music classes in school for catching onto rhythm and beats, and her father always calls her in when the family visits so she can sing along to the songs he strums on his guitar for them – yet still, her choir teacher hates her. he tells her that her voice is too raspy, too unstable, too deep. they’re a competition group, he tells her and her parents, and he needs only the best if he and the school are going to try to go to nationals. she tries her best and stays as long as she can, refusing to give up even when her teacher makes her cry, stubborn and determined to finish the year on the team. yet, disheartened, mila quits choir within a few weeks of being continuously called out and criticized every day, unable to understand why. (the school choir doesn’t even end up making it past regionals.)

+ may, 2008 mila goes through a slump mid-year where she doesn’t want anything to do with music. her mother plays her favorite cds during the drive to school, her father tries to bring out the guitar ever so often to get her to sing along, but she wants nothing to do with anything musical. she still attends her piano lessons, too fond of her teacher to ask to quit them, but finds a new outlet. she finds she likes languages – her school already teaches english, but she shyly requests korean lessons from her mother after she watches a subbed drama on tv and finds one of the leads extensively beautiful and the language even prettier. by the end of her schoolyear, she’s bounced back and gotten over her fear of music, though her affinity for korean remains. she performs her favorite snsd song at the year-end talent show with a few of her friends, much to the praise of her school.

+ october, 2011 high school brings new faces, more people, and more pressure. mila’s attitude has remained the same since she was a child. she’s easily excited, friendly as ever, loud, and just as invested in korean culture as she is her own. it’s not exactly the best thing to be in high school, where her peers are doing their best to appear cool and indifferent in every aspect of their lives. yet still, she’s lucky enough to find her group of friends who like her for who she is, and keeps up enough with chinese fashion and celebrity gossip and whatnot to socialize with the rest of her schoolyear civilly, even if some of the more judgemental ones think she’s a loser. she has band, which she loves, she does well enough in her classes, and she has people to sit with at lunch who respect her and listen to her rant about k-news.

+ march, 2013 2013 is a big year for mila. she gets a laptop from her parents for her birthday, which she’s been asking for for years, and almost immediately downloads the first audio-editing app she can find that’s free. suddenly, a whole new world is opened up for her – with the help of one of her older cousins, she finds a vpn to work her way around all the websites blocked by her country. mila consumes content by the terrabyte – especially anything kpop related. she discovers exo, who she’d heard whispers of before and exploded in popularity that year, sees the chinese members, and suddenly knows what she wants to do with herself. it doesn’t matter when her friends tell her it isn’t realistic, when she still sometimes struggles with her korean vocabulary, because she wants it bad enough that she thinks everything will turn out okay.

+ december, 2013 mila posts her first cover onto youtube after a lot of internal debate over whether or not it’s good enough. it’s a soft, acoustic, self-arranged version of miracles in december, and it’s filmed on her shitty slide-out keyboard phone, but it’s up there and she made it. it’s up under the alias “mouse” – one her friends at school had given her for how petite she was, how cute she was. she loves the juxtaposition it and the deepened pitch of her voice makes. she doesn’t blow up, by any means, but enough people pay attention to her, both critical and praising, that she gets a taste of what she thinks fame could be like. she’s hooked.

+ june, 2015 mila keeps her idol dream from her parents as long as she possibly can – the month before she leaves for korea. she still hasn’t amassed a sizeable fanbase but feedback is positive enough that she feels confident in leaving. she’s held onto her allowance from her grandparents months and months and months until she has enough to buy a plane ticket, and only after the purchase does she tell her parents. they, surprisingly, aren’t happy with her decision to leave before she’s graduated school, but she’s adamant, worried about getting too old to be taken in as a trainee, and refuses to back down. reluctantly, they agree, only wanting the best for her, but make her promise that if she doesn’t get cast, she’ll return home right away and go to school.

+ july, 2015 mila – sixteen, blind to the severity of the idol industry, optimistic to the heavens – shows up to an sm audition on her second day in the country, expecting to be casted right away. (spoiler: she isn’t.) she hops from hotel to hotel, audition with bigger company to smaller company to smaller company, until someone takes her in. they aren’t extremely wellknown – but they give her somewhere to live and don’t make her pay for food or lodging, and she sees the best in them. she has a dream. she wants it more than anything.

THE PRESENT.

+ august, 2017 after two years with her company, working herself to the bone and receiving only vague feedback (“we aren’t looking to debut a girl group right now”, “you’re good but maybe not the image we’re going for”, “maybe next month”, “maybe next year”, “maybe 2020”“), mila leaves. she’s glad for all she’s learned – she’s confident in her abilities as a rapper, now, feels much more comfortable singing, and her dancing has gone from zero to passable. she sees no future where she is, though, and when a group of fourteen year old trainees are brought into the same-level classes she’s taking, she knows that she has no hope in debuting with the company she’s in.

she doesn’t want to leave, though – her promise to her family is in the back of her mind, but she’s fallen in love with korea. mila can’t see a life for her back home, and doesn’t want to go back. she makes decent enough money from the revenue on her youtube channel, where she still posts both covers and now some of her own original work to feed herself, and decides to pick up a job to pay for the rest. she finds the sharehouse – yes, maybe it could be considered the bottom of the barrel – but she can make the rent and the landlady doesn’t mind how late she’s out, as long as she makes rent and follows the rest of the rules, so she’s free to go out after work and busk as late as she can.

mila doesn’t know if she wants to be an idol, anymore. she still loves music and performing, but after immersing herself within korea, she’s unsure if the idol world is the one she wants to venture into. for now, she’s content with simply performing with friends on the streets, in posting to her followers on instagram and youtube and letting them watch her rather than going for the public at large. they can wait for her.