#Dying a severe death was a funny coincidence | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tnlbarth-blog · 2 years ago

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July 20 2023 - 3:51pm

Trigger Warning: talk of death/murder

Warning: All people places and things resembling any real people places or things are merely coincidence and are not to be taken as such.

Death. I am so sick of it being in my life. I am sick of finding people and animals dead in my life. I am fed up with my loved ones dying. I hate that death has to happen. Every time it is heartbreaking. It doesn't matter who or what dies it's upsetting for me.

My first experience with death was my first cat, Rose. She died while I was at school and I never got to say goodbye. She was my first real friend and every day I think about her.

It feels like it never ended. More and more die. My great grandmother. I was close with her. She was a cool old woman. She sported three piercings on each ear and talked about how she used to build world war II planes. She was 4ft 7inches tall but to me she was 7foot.

A little baby kitten I found under the window of my father's bathroom. She was so little. She must have been two weeks old at least. She was covered in fleas and I washed her and I fed her and I kept her warm and she died in my arms. I was so deviated I ended up missing a day of school. Her name was Star.

My gerbil Henry died. He was gifted to me by my cousin who couldn't take care of him any longer. He got out of his cage and cannibalized his leg to survive. Once I caught him again I tried taking him to several vets but no one would help him and he died shortly after. I will always believe it was my fault.

My cousin who I had been best friends with until she moved, died shortly after she moved back. I didn't even get to hang out with her again before she died. I saw her once before her death. I got to hug her one last time and I didn't know. She died in a car accident. She wasn't even driving. This death was one of the hardest ones.

My hamster, Herman, died of being poisoned by my first abusive ex. I loved Herman. He was a kind and gentle soul. He always curled up on me and slept. He never bit and he would offer me things, usually bits of food. He was 3 years old. I hate my ex.

Then my guinea pig, Goliath, died. He was gifted to me by my uncle (my mother's brother) who didn't tell me until after he died that he was super old. He died on Christmas morning two months after they gave him to me. My uncle laughed when he found out he died. A true monster, that man.

My dwarf hamster, Leo, died. He was feisty. He liked biting everything. He was killed. I don't know what happened. I came home and his cage was on its side and I found his body smashed on the floor not too far away from it. No one confessed. He was a fierce little guy.

After Leo died I stopped getting anything smaller than a cat. Because I couldn't handle them dying anymore. I decided I was unfit to have them.

My best friend's father died. He had been suffering for years with mental and physical problems. It was sad. The man was like a father to me.

My best friend's brother was killed. He was a great guy. He was smart and funny. A little rough around the edges. It took a toll on my best friend though. The two of them were starting to bond at that point after not really connecting for years. It was hard to watch it hurt her so bad.

My father died. He had gotten drunk and was driving home when the police tried pulling him over. He was driving his motorcycle at the time and tried to get away but ultimately crashed. He was in a coma for a week and then we had to pull the plug that last day. He was never going to wake up. His brain was so shook up that it was dying little by little. He was being kept alive by machines. While he was alive he requested that we pull the plug if he ever wound up there. That was the most devastating week of my life. I have not fully recovered from that even to this day.

My grandmother, my mom's mom, died. I wasn't very attached to her as she was abusive to my mom, her father, her siblings, me and my siblings. She died of cancer.

My grandfather, my mom's father, died. He loved animals like me. He was super smart and kind. Though my aunts and uncles would have you believe otherwise. He also died of cancer.

My cat Mittens died. She was left with my family when my grandmother passed away. I don't know how old she was. She was a sweet and shy cat. By the time she passed she and I had created a special bond and she died in my arms.

My cat Samantha, who I had gotten when she was nine shortly before I had gotten Herman passed away at 17 years old. She was my best friend. I told her everything. I saved her from an abusive family. They were evil. They kicked her and sat on her and did all kinds of mean things to her. She was covered in fleas and ticks. It was awful. From the day we first met she never left my side. She died in my arms and I cried for several days. I still cry sometimes. She was there for a lot of deaths.

Through the last two years or so I've found dead shrews and mice on the sticky traps in our basement. And even though the traps are set for them it breaks my heart. I try hard to trap them and release them but the sticky traps are the only thing that truly work. I come and check every day so I can at least rescue them but I seem to always be late and the few who I do find a live struggle so hard that they hurt themselves so I am left to kill them to be merciful. It hurts me every single time. My brother on countless occasions has told me that I shouldn't cry or feel guilty because they are pests. But they have brains. They have thoughts and feelings. I feel like a monster.

Most recently my mom's outdoor cat killed two baby bunnies yesterday. I had been watching the mother bunny create a nest for them in our yard for a month. I was so excited for the baby bunnies. I watched the nest from my window every day. And I went to the window yesterday after talking to my brother and I saw my mom's cat in the yard at the nest bent down. I knew as soon as I saw her. I rushed outside and she was eating one of the babies. She sits up and watches me as I pick up the bunny's body, still warm and still mostly intact. And I found a second baby also dead. Still warm, still intact. I pick it up too. I was crying so hard. I called the cat a monster, knowing she was just doing what cats do best. I took the bunnies inside and put them in a box. But because it was too late in the evening I couldn't bury them. So I planned on doing it today. I put their box in the freezer overnight. They are buried in the woods behind my home in a grave I dug myself. I gave them a eulogy and I cried again. Their grave is marked with three small stones.

My cat Starfire or Star for short, is dying from Mammary Cancer as we speak. Slowly dying. She was diagnosed about 8 months ago but I first found the growth when it was no larger than a pea last May. We couldn't afford to fight the cancer but according to my research and backed up by the vet it wouldn't matter if we could. The probability of her getting it again was almost a 100 percent odd. She would probably die after a year whether we cured her or not. So for now we wait. And while we wait we keep her as comfortable and happy as we can.

It is starting to get hard to even want pets. Their lives are too short. And saying good bye seems to be getting harder and harder. There is a reason I state that I want to die first. Death hurts so much. It feels unfair.

Regards

TNL Barth

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hereforrants · 10 months ago

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Oh wow, I see this post the same day I learned how insane the whole Jason death poll scenario was. What a coincidence!

If y'all don't know how the poll came to be and was executed, read under the cut, but I'll tell you right now, it's because of SNL:

Okay so, almost nobody liked Jason when he was introduced as a carbon copy to Dick Grayson, and they still didn't like him when his personality was retconned to be a bit more rough and rebellious God forbid Dick Grayson doesn't stay Robin forever ig. One of these people was Batman's new writer Jim Starlin.

Starlin has literally admitted that when DC wanted to write a character dying from AIDS to spread awareness during the epidemic, he crammed several votes for it to be teenaged Jason into the suggestion box. He really disliked Jason. He was itching to kill him off, it's almost funny reading about it. Everyone else was thinking of killing Jason off as well, but just because the fans hated him it wasn't like personal. Batman's editor, Dennis O'Neil, was actually the one who came up with the idea to do a fan poll on whether Jason lived or died, because he had seen the pole before.

On Saturday Night Live.

Apparently in the 80s, there was an Eddie Murphy skit where he had a live lobster with him, and on the screen SNL put two phone numbers on there: If you called one phone number, that was a vote to let the lobster be. If you called the other, that was a vote to boil the lobster on live television. It cost 50 cents to call either number, but a shit ton of people called, like, you could've bought a house with how much money was spent on those two 1 -900 lines (The end result was letting Larry the Lobster live if you wanted to know)

So the Batman team decided to do just that: Buy a house Set up two 1-900 phone numbers (Also deciding to charge $0.50 to call), one that decided Jason lived, one that decided he died, and advertised that readers decided his fate on the back of the most recent comic issue.

Surprisingly, it was a close call; a little over 10,000 called, and Jason Dies beat Jason Lives by only 72 votes. I found this Reddit ask page that asked about who voted what and why, and I linked it but I'll tell you right now, a few people voted to kill Jason just because they didn't think DC would go through with it.

Like, I'm sorry but that's wild to me, imagine spending at least 50 cents on one phone call (Which is $1.30 nowadays I checked), maybe making more than one call because some people did, to kill off a character, and then expecting the publisher that charged you 50 cents a call to just, not do that, to just go like "actually the kid lives anyways fuck you."

So that's that, but one of the funniest aspects of this story to me is that there was some discourse about the poll results and subsequent Canon death of Jason Todd, the Batman staff received a lot of angry letters and phone calls but that's not nearly as funny as the fact that supposedly, a lawyer set up his Dial-up internet to make his phone call the Kill Jason line 85 times. A fucking lawyer

No one's ever found out if that's fully true, or even if one person did make that many calls, but I like to believe my friend's conspiracy theory that it was actually Jim Starlin himself rigging the polls. It probably wasn't him but wouldn't that be so funny?

A small reminder that he was voted to die.

#dc comics #jason todd #red hood #death in the family #one person who replied to the reddit ask said they voted kill and felt guilty lmao

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dontcare77ghj · 5 years ago

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Rain

Bucky x reader x Natasha

Notes: So, it’s been raining all day and someone requested a WinterWidow x reader with a bit of angst. Hope you like it!

The three of you had met on a rainy day. You and Steve had been friends for a while after meeting at an art class and had been out together when it started raining. To save the art supplies the two of you had bought, Steve brought you back to the tower.

You loved the rain but didn’t want to ruin the supplies you hadn’t even gotten to use yet, so of course you agreed to go back with Steve.

“I think everyone’s out today. We could set up in the living room.” Steve suggested, leading you into an elevator.

“Sounds good. What are you going to do for your landscape?” You asked him, brushing your wet hair out of your face.

“I was thinking something with a forest. Just very green. What about you?”

“I want to do something with rain. Maybe with a cliff or rolling storm clouds over an ocean. I’m not a hundred percent sure yet.” You shrugged as the elevator dinged.

“Hey punk.” A man said as the two of you stepped out. “I thought you were out today?”

“I thought you two were on a mission?” Steve asked in response, leading you over to a couch where a red head and the man sat.

“That’s Scott and Sam.” The woman told him. “Steve aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?”

“Yeah Steve, aren’t you going to introduce me?” You teased the man.

“Bucky, Natasha, this is Y/N. Y/N this is Bucky and Natasha.”

And that was your first introduction to the two former assassins. It was not your last interaction with the two and it was only six months lar when Steve finally had enough of your mutual pining and set the three of you up.

“What are you two doing?” Natasha asked as she watched the two of you from the doorway. “You’re going to catch the worst cold of your life. Or pneumonia.”

“I have a fantastic immune system.” You said, turning to her with a large smile gracing your face and hair matted to your skull. “I almost never get sick.”

“And I don’t get sick, ever, you know this Nat.” Bucky smirked, pulling you into his arms and twirling you around.

“How have I been with you both for a year?” Natasha sighed but smiled slightly as she leaned against the doorframe. “How the hell did the two of you survive without me for so long?”

“Luck?” Bucky shrugged, dipping you low to the ground.

“And because you have amazing patience and love us?” You guessed as you and Bucky spun closer to the woman.

“That must be it.” She laughed as you grabbed her hand and pulled her to you. “No! It’s pouring!” She shrieked.

“I think I heard pull me into the rain, didn’t you Y/N?” Bucky questioned pulling you both into his chest. “I think we better do as she asks.” He said, moving the two of you further away from the doorway.

“Bucky, I swear to God.” Natasha growled as you laughed heartily.

“You swear you love the rain? Me too, Tash.” You giggled, taking her hands in yours and twirling her around.

“You too are impossible.” Natasha finally laughed, wrapping her arms around you.

“But you love us.” You grinned as Bucky stood behind you and wrapped his arms around the two of you.

“You’re damn right I do.” Natasha said, pressing her face into your neck. “Now, I do have to ask.” Natasha started, lifting her head after a minute. “Why are you two out here anyway? In singlets no less.”

“It was Bucky’s idea.” You said, making the man attempt to shush you. “He wanted to see which of us could stay out here longer.”

“You know, even if you do beat Bucky, you’ll catch the flu right?” Natasha questioned you, arching an eyebrow at you.

“Yeah but it’ll be worth it.” You shrugged, leaning back into Bucky’s chest. “Besides this is the best weather ever.” You smiled.

“I can see you want to scold us,” Bucky sad, smiling sheepishly at Natasha. “But maybe you can just enjoy this for a little longer, before you start yelling at us?” He suggested, beginning to sway the three of you.

“Come on, Nat. Just a little longer.” You pleaded, playing with the ends of her soaked hair.

“Why do I always give in to you two?” Natasha questioned, not sounding mad at the fact.

There were no more words said between the three of you as you began to sway together. The only noise came from the still continuing rain, pattering onto the ground around you and Bucky humming a song from his youth.

It was as if everything else had faded, leaving only you, your two loves and the tranquil rain. Nothing mattered in that moment as the three of you danced together in the rain.

Nothing could ruin that moment, except;

“Get the fuck inside right now you three!” Steve yelled, appearing in the doorway. “You’re going to get sick!”

“Spoilsport.” Bucky groaned as the three of you pulled apart. “We’re coming you punk.”

“And when we do, we’re going to talk about your language. Absolutely vulgar, Rogers.” You said, making him sigh and Natasha and Bucky laugh.

“Maybe I should leave the three of you out there.” Steve grumbled, walking away.

“We should actually get inside.” Natasha said, asking each of your hands and walking you towards the building. “Before we all get sick.”

“Totally worth it.” You smiled.

“I hate blindfolds.” You groaned, clutching tightly onto Natasha’s hand.

“Funny, that’s not what you said the other night.” Bucky chuckled, hands gently squeezing your shoulders as he continued to lead you

“I hate walking while being blindfolded.” You amended. “I swear to God, Barnes, you better not let me fall on my face.”

“I’m not going to let you ruin your face, trust me.” Bucky promised.

“And I promise to just let you not fall.” Natasha told you, squeezing your hand gently. “Okay now there’s stairs here, so I’m going to walk in front of you.” She said, her hand letting go of yours before grabbing both your hands.

“Are you sure I can’t take the blindfold off?” You questioned the two as you nervously climbed the stairs.

“Positive don’t even think of touching it.” Bucky told you. “Nat, make sure she doesn’t try to touch it.”

“Already on it.” Natasha said. “Alright, Buck hold on to her hands, I’ll grab the door.” She said before letting go. Bucky took your hands in his and pulled your back into his chest.

“A couple more steps.” Bucky guided you. “Okay, you can take it off now.” He said, letting go of your hands.

Slowly you pulled off the strip of fabric and blinked quickly at the sudden brightness. You knew you hadn’t left the tower but had had no clue where the two had walked you to, until you’d pulled off the blindfold. Now you could see you were on the roof, a table had been set up under a shelter and before you stood Natasha and Bucky, bathed in the glow of the sunset.

“What are you doing?” Natasha questioned you as you took out your phone.

“I’m taking a photo of this moment. I need to draw this later.” You smiled, quickly taking several photos. “This is perfect. I love you both so much.” You said, putting the phone away and rushing towards the two to throw your arms around them.

“We love you too, doll.” Bucky said into your hair.

“Now let’s sit you down and get you something to eat.” Natasha said, gesturing you towards the set table.

“Okay so we do have a surprise for you.” Bucky said long after the sun had set. “Close your eyes.” He ordered you.

“I don’t know why but I’m suddenly scared you’re going to throw a pie in my face.” You said, causing Natasha to giggle.

“It’s nowhere near close to a pie.” She assured you, squeezing your hand.

“Okay, you can open your eyes.” Bucky said. As you opened your eyes, you felt the air rush from your lungs.

Natasha and Bucky stood before you, each holding the side of a large canvas. It was not a painting that called the canvas home, but merely four words.

WILL YOU MARRY US?

“Fuck, yes!” You screamed, jumping from your seat and throwing yourself into their arms. “I love you. I love you so much.” You murmured repeatedly, pressing your lips to any inch of skin available.

“We love you too, dorogoy.” Natasha said, feverishly meeting your lips.

“So, so much.” Bucky added, responding eagerly. Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out two rings, he slipped one onto your finger and then onto Natasha’s. It was almost as if the universe understood the moment as it began to rain heavily.

Laughter began to bubble in your throat as sheets of rain fell from the darkened sky.

“This is a hell of a coincidence.” You smiled up at your fiancés.

“Perfect timing, really.” Natasha smirked.

“Well whatever the reason, I say we take advantage of it.” Bucky said, pulling the two of you into the rain. He wrapped his arms around the pair of you and began to slowly dance.

“This is the perfect moment.” You sighed, leaning your head onto Bucky’s chest. “I hope it never ends.”

Rain. The act of weather had been a part of the best moments of your relationship. It had been there for the good, the bad and the simple times. There was nothing you loved more than dancing outside with your partners as it fell around you, there was nothing your partners loved more than watching your face light up as the first drops fell.

It only made sense to have something you loved most in life around you as you lay dying.

Three weeks. Three weeks ago you had been taken from the home you shared with your husband and wife of two years. It had been three weeks of absolute agony. Three weeks of praying for safety and or death.

You weren’t sure what was happening that day as you were dragged out of your cell and shoved onto a van’s floor. You were barely conscious during the ride, you barely felt it hours later as they tossed you out of the van and onto the asphalt.

As the van skidded away you remained laying there, your chest moving very shallowly as you struggled to breath. A long breath escaped your body as you felt the first few drops of a cooling rain.

At the feeling of the soothing water you allowed your eyes to flutter shut. As your consciousness ebbed from you, you could only hear,

“Y/N!”

Non-reader POV

“Have any of you slept at all?” Tony questioned, handing out coffees to Steve, Natasha and Bucky. When none of them answered, Tony let out a sigh. “You need to sleep, this is not healthy. And that’s coming from me.”

“We don’t have time to sleep.” Natasha grumbled, adding vodka into hers and Bucky’s coffee. “Too much to do.” She added, continuing to type into her computer.

“Far too much to do.” Bucky agreed, taking some reports from Steve. “You’re not going to be able to help her if you collapse from exhaustion.” Tony argued. “We’re not going to be able to find her if we sleep.” Steve told him, placing the reports with no information on one pile.

“Correct, Stevie.” Natasha said without looking at their friend.

“Excuse me everyone.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. interrupted before a fight could erupt again. “But it would appear Y/N is at the gates.” She said, causing the four of them to rush to a stand. “I would suggest you hurry, her vital signs are not good.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. get Bruce and Cho to the hospital wing. Inform them on Y/N’s status.” Natasha demanded the A.I. as they all began to run to the front gates.

“Y/N!” Bucky cried out as he caught sight of her broken body. Rain plastered his hair to his face as he reached the crumpled form of his wife. Her body felt small and fragile as he held her in his arms and ran her towards the hospital wing.

Natasha’s heart was in her throat as she ran alongside Bucky and Y/N. If she had been alone in that moment Natasha knew she would have cried at the sight of her wife’s greying skin and her bruised form. It was only the fact she was around Steve and Tony and that her wife needed her to that she remained strong.

“Save her!” Natasha yelled as they reached the hospital wing where, Bruce, Cho and a team of other doctors were waiting for them. It took everything in Bucky not to protest as Y/N was snatched out of his arms.

"Outside." Tony ordered the three of them. "You can't be in here hovering. You'll stress them out and they won't be able to help her." He said, ushering them out of the room.

Bucky let out a growl as Tony pushed him out of the room. Sensing Bucky's aggression at the billionaire, Natasha and Steve both placed a hand on his arms and pulled him away from the man.

It had been two hours since they found Y/N at their doorstep. Two agonisinly long hours with no updates. In those two hours the rest of the team, who had all grown close to the H/C woman in the last five years, had joined them waiting outside the room.

Bar Steve, Natasha and Bucky, the rest of the team were all waiting anxiously aching the three in worry. Steve was leaning against the wall and had not moved in an hour and a half. Natasha was pacing, muttering continuously in Russian. And Bucky was alternating between watching Natasha and glaring darkly at the floor.

It had been two hours since they found Y/N when thy heard the sound they had been dreading. When they heard the sound of the flatline.

The team all jumped to their feet at the noise. Wanda buried her face into Vision's chest, who wrapped his arms around his girlfriend. Tony wrapped an arm around Clint who found it hard to stand as he and Thor watched in worried silence.

Steve let out a strangled cry as he watched the doctors try to bring his best friend, best friend apart from Bucky, back to life.

Natasha seemed to stop functioning at the noise and felt her knees give out s she finally allowed herself to cry. Bucky was quick to pull his wife into his chest and whisper soothing things in Russian. He made sure no-one could see her tear stained face or his as he buried his own face in her hair.

Please God, Bucky pleaded, please just let her live. Please God, if you only hear me once, let it be now.Please let Y/N live. He thought as he once again heard the loud, echoing sound of a flatline.

"No!"

"Sit your ass back down, Y/N M/N Romanoff-Barnes." Natasha growled, gently pushing your shoulders back down.

"Nat, I'm fine. I just wanted to sit in the chair by the window." You said, leaning back onto the pillows.

Natasha and Bucky had been incredibly protective in the past week. After you had been dumped in front of the compound and brought into the hospital wing you coded twice on the table. The team had been able to bring you back and fix what had been done to you but you'd landed yourself in a coma.

You were out for nearly two months before you finally woke up. You'd barely been awake for thirty seconds before you were attacked by a red-head, muttering furiously in Russian. Quickly followed a long haired man, expressing his relief in quick paced English.

Your husband and wife had refused to allow you back home until Tony upgraded the house to their standards. Instead, you'd spent three days in the hospital wing under the eagle eyes of Bruce and DR. Cho before being allowed to return to Natasha and Bucky's room.

The two had only allowed you to move from the bed to shower and to use the bathroom. You understood why the two were so worried and a small part of you found it endearing but you really needed to move.

"Y/N, you could rip your stitches. You can't walk around just yet." She stressed, sitting next to you.

"But it's raining" You whined, staring out the windows longingly. "If I can't go out there, I want to at least watch it." You said, looking up at your wife.

"Bucky said he'll be back in a soon. If you just wait until then I promise you can watch the rain." Natasha promised you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close.

You let out a hum as you laid your head on her shoulder and resolved to watching from the bed for now.

"Steve dropped off some new sketch books." Bucky announced, entering the bedroom after a few minutes. "And some of those pencils you liked." He said, placing a bag on the bedside and kissing you and then Natasha in greeting.

"Just the man we were waiting for." Natasha smiled, getting out of bed. "You are going to help me move the bed, so Y/N can watch the rain." She told him.

"You got it, boss." Bucky smirked. Carefully, Bucky picked you up and temporarily moved you onto a chair and then helped Natasha move the bed directly in front of the window.

"What do you think?" Natasha questioned you as Bucky put you back into the bed.

"I think I must have saved the universe twice in a past life to deserve the two of you." You sighed happily. Natasha and Bucky smiled happily as they climbed in on either side of you. "I love you two. So much."

"We love you too, dorogoy." Natasha said, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"Always." Bucky added, kissing your forehead. With that the three of you drifted into silence and watched the rain hit the window pane.

There was no better feeling than to be alive and with the people you love.

Taglist

@piper-koko-barnes-rogers @hopingforbarnes @skeletoresinthebasement @agent-barnes40 @rvgrsbrns @jelly-fishy-babie @smilexcaptainx @starlingelliot

Show me your support. Give it a like. Leave a comment. Share with your friends and reblog. Inbox/message me any comments, ideas, pairings, taglist requests, or whatever you wish.

Coming soon;

Wanda x reader x Vision

Steve x reader x Wanda

Bucky x reader x Loki

Natasha x reader x Tony x Bucky

Natasha x reader x Wanda

Tony x reader x Steve

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justatiredghost · 4 years ago

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Living for the Moment Ch16 A series of glimpses at Klaus’ life if he’d met Dave in his mid 20s. His life isn’t magically transformed, love can’t fix either of them when they’re both homeless and in a bad place. They’re not even really ready for a relationship yet. But maybe a supportive friendship can set them on a better path, the two of them inspiring each other to take care of themselves. It’s going to be a long and bumpy ride, and the question is, when will they actually admit to themselves that they have feelings for each other? Read More AO3

Klaus stumbled down the alley, chuckling quietly to himself. He couldn’t really remember what was so funny, but that was fine. He was incredibly high and, over all, in an amazing mood. He’d had several lucky scores, so he had more cash on hand than he had in a long while, which was why he was headed to a dealer’s. He probably should have accepted one of the offers he’d gotten to stay over, it was winter after all, with an icy bite in the air, but he was on pretty friendly terms with this particular dealer, so he’d probably let him crash there for the night.

He wasn’t exactly steady on his feet, and he giggled when he tripped, laughing even harder as it sent him tumbling into some trash cans. They were louder than he had expected as they clattered to the ground, ringing out through the darkened street. Klaus thought he’d been alone out here, but movement caught his eye and he turned to see a figure curled up against the wall withdrawing further under a coat

It wasn’t exactly an unusual sight, he’d seen plenty of weirder places people chose to sleep out here. He himself has woken up in many of them as well. He only took a second look because the coat caught his eye. It was one he recognized.

“Dave?” he said, not sure if it was actually going to be him.

He wouldn’t put it past the guy to give away his only coat, after all. And usually he was more careful about where he settled down for the night, so it would be stranger if it actually was him. This wasn’t a particularly dangerous part of town, all things considered, but it still wasn’t a great idea to be so out in the open. When the figure didn’t stir, he called out again, a little louder this time. He should probably have just left, but somehow curiosity got the better of him.

“Yoohoo, you alive in there?” He called, nudging the bundle. In retrospect, that probably wasn’t the smartest move. Thankfully he wasn’t greeted by a fist.

“Hmm?” came the sleepy reply as a head poked out from under the jacket, and when it turned out to be Dave after all, Klaus had to laugh at the coincidence.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he said

“Klaus, hey,” Dave said with a smile, but he still looked out of it. There were dark circles under his eyes and he was much paler than the last time he’d seen him.

“You doing okay?” Klaus asked.

“Yeah, sure, fine,” Dave said, and it would have been more convincing if it didn’t look like he was about ready to collapse. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I didn’t want to be rude, but you look like shit,” Klaus said with a laugh, because it was easier than actually being concerned. “You’re not dying, are you?”

“Boy, I sure hope not,” Dave said with a little laugh of his own, but it ended in an ugly cough.

“What is it, a cold?” Klaus asked accusingly. “How long have you been sick?”

“I don’t know, a few days maybe. But I’m fine, really,” Dave said, waving him off dismissively. “I’m just still not used to the cold.”

“You don’t look fine. Come on, let’s go find somewhere you can warm up,” Klaus said with an exaggerated sigh.

“No,” Dave whined pathetically, slumping back against the wall when Klaus reached down for his arm. “I just need a bit more sleep is all, I’m fine.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Klaus rolled his eyes. “Come on, just give me your hand before you freeze to death, or something. You can sleep when we get where we’re going.”

“I don’t know if I can stand,” Dave finally admitted, not quite meeting his gaze.

“Hey, I will carry you if I have to, don’t test me,” Klaus said and he finally gave in.

They must have looked quite the pair, barely able to stay upright as they leaned against each other, stumbling along both unsteady for very different reasons. Thankfully, they managed to make it to one of the cheaper motels nearby with minimal injury. Dave seemed to be on autopilot, swaying slightly on the spot whenever Klaus released him, and following along obliviously wherever he was led. When they were finally in their room and Klaus left him briefly to close the door behind them, he almost climbed into bed fully clothed.

“Woah, hang on,” Klaus said, grabbing Dave’s arm again and steering him towards the bathroom. “How about a shower first? You’re not gonna drown if I leave you in here, are you?”

“Hmm?” Dave mumbled in response.

“Come on, let’s at least strip you down to your boxers,” Klaus said with a heavy sigh, turning on the water on to warm up.

Dave did as instructed and climbed in at Klaus’ urging to sit at the bottom of the tub, letting the water wash over him.

“Feel good?” Klaus asked, dropping to sit on the floor, leaning back against the tub.

“Mmm,” Dave nodded sleepily, slowly looking a bit more alert. “Sorry about all this.”

“All what? Being sick?” Klaus asked. “Just don’t die on me and we’ll call it even, okay?”

Dave nodded absently instead of joking back. After a moment, he slowly reached for the soap, like his limbs weighed too much, and started to clean up. Once he was done, or at least run out of energy and stopped, Klaus helped him climb out and into bed, convincing him to strip out of the boxers as well. At least Dave had the presence of mind now to blush as he did so, even though the blankets obscured the view. Adorable, that this was all it took.

“You get some rest,” Klaus said. “And when I get back, you’ll have fresh clean clothes ready for you.”

“You’re not staying?” Dave asked.

“I’ll only be a little while,” Klaus assured him.

He wasn’t sure he actually would be back, though. Sure, he’d drop off the clothes after visiting the laundromat, he wasn’t that mean, but after? Just being here was probably a pretty big trigger for Dave and he definitely didn’t want to be the cause of him falling off the wagon. He probably reeked of weed and alcohol too.

Maybe he needed to wash his own clothes as well. And shower. Then, as long as he didn’t actually take anything in front of Dave, it should be fine, right? He wasn’t sure, he’d never seriously tried to get sober, so he didn’t know what it was like to try to fight the urge.

He would have liked to take a long bath, but laundry took forever and he wanted to be back as soon as possible in case Dave woke up. Since his own clothes needed a wash, after he was all clean, Klaus just wrapped a towel around his chest before heading out. Sure, he got a few odd looks, but there weren’t many people out this late, so he just winked back and continued on. It was boring waiting for the washer and drier to do their thing, but he was still riding the tail end of a high and the hypnotic spinning certainly helped.

By the time he got back, Dave was sitting up, blinking around the room owlishly, like he was trying to remember what was going on.

“Oh,” Dave said when he saw him. “So it wasn’t a dream.”

“Do you dream about me coming to your rescue often, then?” Klaus joked, surprised when Dave turned crimson. That wasn’t exactly what he was expecting. He cleared his throat and continued quickly. “I’ve got your clothes for you. And snacks from the vending machine that I definitely paid for and didn’t almost get my arm stuck stealing. Think you can stomach some food?”

Dave grimaced and shook his head. “Think I’ll just sleep.”

Klaus shrugged, put on his own clothes with no regard for his own modestly, and sat on the edge of the bed to pull his boots on, granola bar held between his teeth. And no, he definitely wasn’t disappointed when Dave didn’t try to take a peak, seemingly asleep with his face buried in a pillow.

“Thanks,” Dave said suddenly, breaking the silence. Not asleep after all, apparently.

“Hey, I was gonna stay here anyway; had a really great score and the cash was burning a hole in my pocket, so I thought I’d treat myself. You just get to benefit from my good luck.”

He didn’t mention the fact that he was running low on drugs and that was what the money was actually for. He didn’t need to know that. Not that he was completely sure Dave bought his lie. Regardless, he needed to figure out what to do next. Most bars were closed by now, but maybe he could walk the streets a bit. Not the safest way to earn a bit of cash, but there wasn’t exactly anyone around to con, pickpocket, or seduce, unless he wanted to do a little breaking and entering to steal. That could be fun, but he hadn’t cased anywhere.

He’d barely finished a bag of chips and was getting ready to come up with an excuse to leave when Dave spoke.

“I called my family,” he said, still not looking at him.

“Oh yeah?” Klaus said. Family wasn’t really a topic they discussed often. Klaus’ was too fucked up, but Dave’s didn’t seem too bad. They just didn’t know where he was or what he was doing, which in retrospect probably meant there was something going on there.

“Purim always makes me nostalgic. I found an alcohol-free celebration and it left me missing my sisters. I thought it would be nice, but my uncle was there too.”

“Yeah?” Klaus prompted when he fell silent.

“I used to look up to him, you know,” Dave continued. “My uncle. I forgot how easy it is for him to make me feel like shit. Part of the reason I left to begin with.”

“Sounds like an asshole,” Klaus said. He never had been great at saying the right thing.

“Yeah. Yeah, he is.”

“Well, we’re half way across the country and also hot, so who's the real winner here?”

Dave smiled weakly, but at least it was a smile.

“You should get some sleep,” Klaus said, patting where he thought Dave’s ankle was under the blanket. “There’s still some food, so help yourself whenever you wake up.”

“Can you stay?” Dave asked, and how was he supposed to say no to that face?

“Okay, fine, you win,” Klaus threw his hands up. “Scoot over, we can both get some shuteye, then.”

But as he lay there, he couldn’t help but think about how long it had taken him to slip back into his old life, his old vices. He’d done a good job letting the numbness take hold as he sunk back into oblivion, but already, being back here with Dave, listening to his quiet snoring; it caused an ache in his chest. Or maybe the high was just finally wearing off. That was an excuse that was getting harder and harder to believe.

He hadn’t realized just how miserable he’d been since they parted ways.

That thought startled him. No, he couldn’t go through this again. He couldn’t fall back into having a real connection with another person, to finding himself actually caring about someone else, and letting someone else know and care about him. He couldn’t go back to that only to lose it all over again once the sun came up, because that wasn’t a life he could have. He was too fucked up, and the best he could hope for was the numbness. It had to be enough.

He got up and headed for the door, only hesitating briefly in the doorway, but he didn’t look back. This wasn’t his life. This wasn’t where he belonged. The chill in the air was a welcome relief as he trudged outside and down the sidewalk with no real destination. At least it kept his mind from wandering or thinking about what-ifs.

#klaus hargreeves #dave katz #klave #klaus x dave #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #fanfic #living for the moment #here i am continuing the trend #of posting things too late when i'm probably too tired to edit properly #i really hope this is okay!#my fic

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themattress · 4 years ago

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Holy Shit!

https://imgur.com/gallery/WKkli

https://imgur.com/gallery/j9OQylb

Beyond the proof that the guy who uploaded this is involved with Bad Robot that he provided at the end of his second post, these definitely seem legit because the first post was in 2018, before The Rise of Skywalker came out, yet the treatment contains some blatant concepts that ended up finding there way into that movie that I have a hard time believing anyone but J.J himself could have come up with (plus, the rest of the plot is very J.J-like, as I’ll get into.)

So these definitely seem to be the discarded Episode VIII and IX treatments. Thoughts?

- Luke’s reasons for coming to Ahch-To definitely seem more in line with TFA than in TLJ, seeing as if he wanted to just “go there to die” he wouldn’t have left a freaking map to the place behind, plus it seemed off that someone disillusioned with the Jedi ways would go to the site of the first Jedi Temple to begin with. His portrayal also matches what we saw at the end of TFA (seeming to be in mourning for Han), and fits the “kind but sad” description from the script. And far from cutting himself off from the Force, Luke has been influencing it from afar as part of his grand plan, explaining Rey’s vision when she touched his lightsaber.

- Luke has a wife and kids! Sadly for EU fans, the wife is not Mara Jade.

- It was Luke’s influence via the Force that explained the things Rey could do that fans deemed her a Mary Sue for, plus some other things that weren’t so routinely noted such as the remarkable coincidence that she and Finn just happened to run into Han and Chewie right after obtaining the Millennium Falcon. Not sure how well this would have gone down...

- Saccrum, Snoke’s home planet, is literally Exogol. Secret ancient Sith planet that is nigh impenetrable to all non-Sith, site of the final battle and (as we’ll soon learn) where Snoke is repeatedly cloned and where Palpatine is resurrected by Sith alchemists...it’s fucking Exogol.

- I recall concept art for Kylo Ren’s partly metallic face floating around.

- Dathan Naut seems cool, but she never really amounts to much.

- So it seems J.J Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan’s vision for the Sequel Trilogy always seemed to boil down to “All the generations of Jedi vs. all the generations of Sith reaching a climactic battle, with Skywalker vs. Palpatine at the heart of it, and the Palpatine who becomes a Skywalker as the key to victory.” That idea was always where they were going.

- Jedi/Sith Holocrons were always gonna be a thing, which is why Rebels worked them in.

- Live-action Ahsoka was also always an objective, it seems, and I bet the way they wrote her out in Rebels’ “Twilight of the Apprentice” was to potentially serve as a lead-in for her appearance in the Sequel Trilogy. But because that never came to pass, they brought her back toward the end of the series and set her on the new trajectory that she’s currently on. Honestly, I think that’s for the better, Ahsoka wouldn’t have really fit in the main film series.

- Not big on this Cfi-Xi character, she mainly seems to be here to “no homo” C-3PO. And her main role relating to the Sith Planet ended up played just fine by C-3PO in TROS anyway.

- BB-8 had the kind of fake-out death they ended up giving to Chewie.

- Wow, so Hux was supposed to die in Episode VIII and Phasma in Episode IX originally. Funny how that got totally flipped backward in the versions we actually ended up getting.

- OK, this “family time” that Rey’s getting is precious. It’s sad we didn’t get to see this.

- Hoo boy, “this is the bad ass Luke Skywalker we’ve been waiting for!” Really? Et tu, J.J and Kasdan? In light of the recent showing by Luke in The Mandalorian, I again question why this portrayal of the character is so widely beloved by fans when it has little to no basis in the OT.

- Rey vs. Kylo Ren in a raging ocean backdrop; here in Episode VIII rather than IX. Similarly, it’s a duel that Kylo clearly has in the bag, but a fluke in the Force allows Rey to survive, although I much prefer the fluke we got to the one this treatment proposes because....

- Goddamn it, J.J. You’re doing the time travel / time paradox shit again? Were Lost, Fringe and Star Trek not enough for you to explore that concept in? This is the biggest part of these treatment drafts that rubs me the wrong way, it’s just so needlessly convoluted and cliche.

- Also, yet another Mystery Box in Luke’s severed hand on Saccrum.

- No Jedi Leia in that flashback? Yeah, I can see why Kathleen Kennedy rejected this.

- Btw, Rian Johnson wasn’t the only one who was going to turn Luke into an asshole failure, it seems. Making this highly risky plan with Ben and not letting his parents know about it? Dick!

- Snoke is the one who destroys Luke’s academy, not Kylo Ren. And he does so as he is dying; another clue-in that there’s more to Snoke than it seems given that he’s still around.

- Lando would have been in Episode IX anyway, albeit still running Cloud City.

- The idea for this Episode IX is that the Skywalkers are a Jedi dynasty that long predated Anakin (Shmi being a descendant of it), and the Palpatines were their Sith enemies. Sheev Palpatine also would have died his first death generations ago and was being constantly resurrected via clone bodies made on Saccrum ever since, so the one that Anakin killed wasn’t the original; Palpatine can’t be stopped unless Saccrum is destroyed. While not as convoluted as the time paradox shit, I appreciate the simpler route they ended up taking.

- J.J and Kasdan always wanted Rey’s father to be a defective Palpatine clone.

- There was never a planned origin for Snoke in these treatments; wherever he came from the bottom line was that Palpatine brought him onto his side by promising to share his key to immortality (constant cloned bodies made on Sacccrum) with him. Again, this ended up being simplified into Snoke just being a whole-sale creation of Palpatine’s from the very beginning.

- Since these are treatments, the “love” part of the dynamic between Rey and Kylo Ren is highly underdeveloped and would likely have been fleshed out in screenwriting. The end result, with the deprogramming vision of Rey and Darth Vader, sounds pretty effective though, but I think I much prefer the Leia death / vision of Han version that we ended up with.

- LOL, the “droid way of making love”. I want to see this idea repurposed someday.

- That’s an interesting twist on Alderaan, although it really doesn’t amount to anything given that the planet Leia grew up on and called home still got destroyed by the Death Star.

- “Magic blood”, another J.J-ism. Again, I much prefer the simpler version TROS gave us.

- The climax’s structure is basically the same as in TROS, with Rey (and others) heading to the Sith planet from Ahch-To and then Leia’s Resistance forces going there from their base, with Rey and Ben facing Palpatine. The biggest differences is that we also have Luke vs. Snoke and Finn vs. Phasma battles going on, in addition to a Jedi vs. Sith ground battle.

- Yeah, I don’t really care for how Phasma’s death is handled: making her hideously scarred and treating her sympathetically don’t sit right with me. Rian Johnson did it better, IMO.

- No red stormtroopers here, but there are red Tie Fighters.

- Ben still gives his life to save Rey, albeit in a less literal manner.

- Palpatine still wants Rey to ascend to the Sith throne and rule by his side. Also: “he loves the smell of burning hair, it reminds him of home”!? Wow, that’s dark in what it’s implying...

- OK, so while not a Jedi, Leia is the Big Damn Hero in the end. That makes sense.

- WTF? Rey straight-up kills Palpatine with Sith lightning!? Yeah, that definitely wasn’t ever gong to fly with Lucasfilm, since it totally contradicts ROTJ’s message! It was inevitable that we’d end up with the more correct “Rey deflects Palpatine’s own Sith lightning back at him”.

- “Rey Skywalker” is the end point for the story here as well, but it ending on Tatooine is so much more emotional than ending it on Alderaan Prime, a place that only just now exists.

My final impression is that we probably could have had the best version of the Sequel Trilogy possible IF the right corrections were made when adapting these treatments into real screenplays, such as axing the more convoluted and pointlessly fanservice-y elements and making different choices for a few of the characters (Rey, Kylo Ren, C-3PO, Phasma, etc...also something more substantial for Poe since they clearly had no idea what to do with him). However, it was also an impossibility for it to ever happen due to many different factors, the biggest of which being Carrie Fisher’s passing in 2016. So as it stands, I am still satisfied with the version we got and am especially happy that J.J returned for TROS to provide the end of the Skywalker Saga with some of his original (mercifully fine-tuned and simplified) ideas.

#Star Wars #J.J Abrams #What Could Have Been #Opinion #Analysis

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backupblogforjg · 5 years ago

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The racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism and cruel tropes in Voltron

So, it’s the anniversary of the ending of Voltron. And I’m getting really, really tired of people saying that only shippers hated the ending. There were many issues with Voltron, and they were neither limited to shipping nor to S8.

So, I’ve decided to compile a list.

It gets LONG. Turns out there was a hell of a lot of racist, sexist, ableist and cruel tropes in VLD.

In fact, I had originally planned on writing a list of both the terrible tropes and the plot holes. But there just wasn’t enough room for both. The post is huge as it is, and with the plot holes, it would have been twice as long, so I had to focus on only one thing.

Salt, obviously. So, so, so much salt. I could turn a lake into a sea here. You’ve been warned.

RACISM:

1) The Alteans are genocide survivors. Out of all the Alteans, only the black Altean was used for a Reverse Racism story where she resents a teammate for belonging to the race that exterminated hers. The white Alteans are totally cool with him, and with his race in general, and only hate the bad people. But the black one had to be taught that hating people because of their race is wrong.

2) VLD Allura is also the only version of Allura who is black. In every other Voltron media (several different cartoons and comics), Allura is blond with blue eyes. All the white versions of the character get a happy ending, while only the black version ends up dying to save the world.

While "hero sacrifices their life to save the world" is not a bad trope in and of itself, it becomes bad when it kills off one of the extremely few black female characters in leading roles. You kill off a white male hero, there are 463278462387 more. You kill off the black female hero, you are kinda screwed. Making it worse, Allura had been portrayed as suffering from depression throughout the latest seasons, so that her death comes across less as heroic sacrifice and more as suicide.

3) The brown Cuban kid who dreamed of being a pilot, and never once in 78 episodes ever expressed anything but sheer love for an exciting life, in the final two minutes of the final episode ends up realizing that the place for him is a farm.

4) As told in interviews, Lotor was meant to be a bad example of mixed-race person, to contrast him with Keith as good example of mixed race person. Do I even have to point out how messed up this is?

5) Even before they became Space Nazis, back when they were still on the side of the angels, the Galra invaded and conquered planets. This is portrayed as totally cool when they happily name the prince after a "hero" who invaded and conquered a lot of worlds, and the peaceful Alteans think the guy is just as heroic as one of their greatest scientists. Apparently there is such a thing as ethically killing people to steal their land.

6) They whitewashed Keith, a character who is poc in every other iteration of Voltron.

I’m sure a lot of people are going to get angry here, claiming that I hate Keith. Let me assure you, I don’t. I love Keith, and I hate what was done to him. I hate that they took a traditionally poc character and went to frankly ridiculous lengths to erase that part of his character. Keith should be Asian, and it would be incredibly easy to make him so in VLD (seriously, all they’d have to do is update the freaking bios, an intern could do it right now in 5 minutes). But they refuse to do it.

A lot of people don’t realise that the surname “Kogane” in VLD is fanon.

I’m serious. Check his official bios page. Keith is not actually called Keith Kogane in VLD. Fans started calling him that in fanfiction, and it stuck, but it’s not canon.

In every other Voltron media, Keith is an Asian guy. But in VLD, they:

- went out of their way to always avoid giving him an Asian surname

- gave him a Texan father

- refused to confirm his race, even when every other character had a specific race. Again, check his official bios. All the other characters got a race, Keith gets “human.” It got so ridiculous it would be funny if it weren’t sad. It pretty much went like this:

Fans: Keith is half alien, but about his human half, what is his ethnicity? EPs: oh, we couldn't possibly say, because the story takes place in the future, and in the future, everybody is mixed up! So, Keith is HUMAN, we can't give him a specific race because there are no specific races in the future! Fans: ok. And what are the races of the other characters? EPs: Pidge is Italian, Lance is Cuban, Hunk is half-black half- Samoan, Shiro is Japanese. Fans: but Keith...? EPs: HUMAN! There is no such thing as race in the future!

Some people at least hoped that Keith's Texan father had Asian ancestry because he kinda looked like Shiro, who is Japanese. But the EPs confirmed that the resemblance was just a coincidence, they never meant for the dad to look Japanese.

At this point pretty much the only evidence that Keith is Asian is that he is voiced by an Asian person. But then, Josh Keaton is not Japanese, is he?

7) After whitewashing Keith, they claimed he is the best leader of Voltron, better than his poc predecessor, because he has Galra blood.

So, instead of bringing up any sort of legit reason to justify why Keith should be in charge (like his empathy or pilot skills), they go with "the half-white guy is also half space-nazi and that's why he should give the orders instead of the poc guy."

If you think I’m bashing Keith here, please ask yourself why you are getting angry at the person pointing out the whitewashing instead of getting angry at the whitewashing. Especially when, again, making VLD Keith canonically poc could be done anytime with zero cost and zero effort, and DW just doesn’t want to.

- Hunk, the half-black half-Samoan guy, was going to be killed and replaced as Paladin by a blue alien. The EPs were pissed when DW forbade them to, and complained in the interview about it.

SEXISM:

Every single woman who is ever put in charge ends up going insane, making terrible decisions that endanger her planet, or losing all of her authority.

Allura starts out as co-leader of Voltron and leader of the Coalition. Ends up as a foot soldier who takes orders from the new leader and his right-hand man, and is treated as a cadet by the Earth military.

HOMOPHOBIA:

1) Dreamworks, Netflix and the EPs very, very, very heavily promoted S7 as GLBT-friendly. The EPs gave whole interviews about the past relationship between Shiro and new character Adam, retweeted a ton of posts celebrating Shiro’s homosexuality, and enthusiastically sent tweets like "you are going to see more of Adam in S7! :D" from their personal accounts after they showed the episode that introduced him.

In S7:

- Shiro's homosexuality is so ambiguous that even the Brazilian voice actor didn't realize that he was supposed to be gay. Just by watching the show, without knowing the World Of God, you can’t tell he and the other guy were engaged.

- Adam gets about 30 seconds of screentime after that one episode they had already shown. Then he dies screaming in pain and terror in a fire.

A lot of people claimed that it was okay to kill Adam because Shiro was supposed to be our rep, not Adam, who was a brand new character we knew little about. And, out of context, that would be true. Adam was pretty much a NPC, why would his death matter?

But the problem here is the context:

- Shiro is closeted in S7, you need to read interviews to know he is gay. So, if only Shiro is meant to be the rep, they couldn’t even do that right.

- They very heavily marketed both Shiro and Adam as gay rep, and specifically talked at length about Adam in several interviews.

In THAT context, REGARDLESS of what you ship, killing off Adam revealed a complete willingness to manipulate the audience to the point of outright lying. Even if you hated Adam, even if Adashi is your NOTP, the clear evidence that the creators had absolutely no problem making empty promises was NOT a good sign.

2) The moment Shiro is revealed to be gay in interviews, he is practically quarantined from the Team.

3) Shiro is also given a Totally Not AIDS deadly disease.

Making it even worse, Shiro never actually gets cured in canon. We are told he is cured in interviews, but the show itself drops the topic entirely. Depending on where you lean in the Word Of God VS Death Of The Author debate, Shiro may be doomed to die.

4) A female villain is revealed to be a lesbian. 30 seconds later she gleefully tortures a little girl. Then she, too, dies in a fire.

(Fan outrage about pulling two Bury Your Gays in the Season that had been very heavily promoted as GLBT-friendly caused DW to retcon her death and bring her back in S8, but she was originally meant to die in the explosion)

5) Shiro ends up marrying a random character who doesn’t even get a name in the show.

ABLEISM:

1) Shiro's PTSD magically disappears offscreen. In interviews, the EPs claimed that he "got over it" between S6 and S7 because "he is a professional." Wow! Who knew being a professional magically cures mental illnesses!

2) Shiro is an amputee. The EPs admitted that they never put any thought into his status as disabled rep, they just wanted a character with a cool-looking arm. It literally didn't occur to them that making him lose his arm (TWICE! First up to the biceps, then up to the shoulder) meant anything. Also worth noting that Shiro’s new arm makes him look like the guy who tormented him.

3) Shiro is systematically robbed of his agency.

- He is the only Paladin who never gets to use his bayard.

- He loses his bond with Black for no given canon reason (and the reason they give in interviews makes no sense, they basically say that transferring his soul out of the Black Lion makes her stop loving him. But she still lets Zarkon fly her!).

I know that Keith is traditionally Black’s pilot in Voltron media (although that shouldn’t matter, because VLD made a lot of huge changes to the traditional status quo). But if they wanted Black Paladin Keith that badly, they could have given some non-insulting reason for it. For example, say “because Shiro has spent so much time within Black, their bond is now so strong that he will get absorbed again if he flies her again.” Or co-pilots in Black (if Pidge can co-pilot with Matt, why can’t Shiro co-pilot with Keith?).

- He is defeated not only by Sendak, but also by a bunch of random Alteans. He basically can’t win a fight anymore unless it’s played for laughs.

- His new robot Atlas is bigger than Voltron, but also much weaker, and can only buy a few minutes for Voltron to come save the day.

- Every single enemy he ever defeated comes back to be finished off by somebody else (even the friggin' Gladiator from S1 comes back in S8). In the epilogue, he retires in his twenties.

4) Narti, the disabled General, is fridged shortly after her introduction. For a while at least it seemed like her death had affected the remaining three Generals, but then it turns out that the "For Narti" line was a trick and they never actually planned on avenging her.

CRUEL TROPES:

1) They intentionally baited the fans by pushing the plot thread that Lotor would be redeemed. They named the episode where he defects "A New Defender," they kept saying in interviews that they come from Avatar and they are very familiar with Zuko *hint hint*, they showed his family as incredibly abusive and Lotor himself as desperate, they showed that Lotor was a victim of severe racism (he is mixed race, and as stated above, the Galra are Space Nazis and are pretty obsessed with blood purity).

Then, after revealing him to be a villain, they gave an interview where they practically dislocated their shoulders by patting themselves on the back as they gleefully bragged that "we made them think we would give them a Zuko, but we gave them an Azula!"

(Nevermind the fact that Azula herself was a 14-year-old child, not a monster, and that Aaron Ehasz himself confirmed that he always wanted her to be redeemed).

When fans who are survivors of child abuse told them that the bait-and-switch was really hurtful, they laughed it off, and claimed that Lotor was just beyond redemption. Then they proceeded to redeem Lotor's abusive parents, who were objectively much worse.

2) Shiro’s clone, who sincerely believed he was Shiro and always meant well, was dehumanised, demonised and discarded like his life meant nothing. His short existence was full of pain from literally the moment he first opened his eyes, as Haggar kept torturing him with migraines to manipulate him. In the end, she brutally violates him body and mind, and brainwashes him to force him to turn on the family he was so desperate to find in The Journey. He dies in incredibly questionable circumstances, without ever getting to learn that his family survived Haggar’s plans. He is victim-blamed for the things she forced him to do against his will with mind-control, and is never mourned because the only family he ever had writes him off as a “thing” and “evil.”

In fact, the horrific treatment of Kuron foreshadowed S8. The Medium article “It never stops at one - Why Voltron: Legendary Defender's tragic ending wasn't a surprise and why more DreamWorks' series will follow suit” explains how.

The tl;dr version is that, when a story posits that the circumstances of your birth determine the value of your life, so that good intentions and hard work mean nothing, and long-established bonds can be discarded with zero thought and care, and your very humanity can be revoked over something you have absolutely no control over, and the whole sociopathic disaster is celebrated as a happy ending... it really, really can’t end well. Not just for you, but for the entire cast.

#voltron critical #vld shiro #vld keith #vld lance #vld allura #vld lotor #voltron #voltron salt #takashi shirogane

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tuzhini · 4 years ago

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"What is called substance? That which stands underneath, sub - underneath , stance - stands. To be substantial is to be underlying, to be the support, to be the foundation of the world, and of course this is the great function of The Feminine. To be the substance, and therefore The Feminine is represented by space, which is of course black at night, but were it not for black & empty space there would be no possibility whatsoever of seeing the stars. Stars shine out of space, and astronomers, very high powered astronomers are beginning to realize that stars are a function of space. Now that's difficult for our common sense, but we don't realize that space is completely basic to everything, it's like your consciousness, nobody can imagine what consciousness is. It is the most elusive whatever it is that there is at all, because it is the background of everything else that we know. Therefore we don't pay much attention to it. We pay attention to the things within the field of consciousness, to the outlines, to the objects these so called things that are in the field of vision, the sounds that are in the field of hearing and so forth, but what it is, whatever it is that embraces all of that, we don't pay much attention to it, we can't even think about it. It's like trying to look at your head, you know you try to look at your head and what do you find? You don't even find a black blob in the middle of things, you just don't find anything, and yet that is that out of which you see just as space is that out of which the stars shine. So there is something very weird about all of this, that that which you can't put your finger on, that with always escapes you, that which is completely elusive, The Blank, seems to be absolutely necessary for there to be anything whatsoever, now let's take this further.

Kali also is the principle of Death, because she carries a scimitar in one hand and a severed head in the other, Death. This is tremendously important to think about, we have put it off, Death is swept under the carpet in our culture, in the hospital, they try to keep you alive as long as possible in utter desperation, they won't tell you that you are going to die, when their relatives have to be informed that it is a hopeless case they say don't tell this to the patient, and all the relatives come around with hollow grins and say, well you will be alright in about a month, and then we will go and have a holiday somewhere and sit by the sea and listen to the birds and what not, and the dying person knows this is mockery. Well of course we have made Death howl with all kinds of ghouls, we have invented dreadful afterlives, I mean the Christian version of Heaven is as abominable as the Christian version of Hell, I mean nobody wants to be in church forever. Children are absolutely horrified when they hear these hymns 'Prostrate before Thy throne to lie and gaze and gaze on thee.' They can't imagine what this imagery means, I mean in a very subtle theological way, I could wangle that statement around to make it extremely profound, I mean to be prostrate at once and to gaze on the other hand you see is a coincidentia oppositorum, a coincidence of opposites which is very deep but to a child it is a crick in the neck, and that is the sort of imagery we are brought up with. So the idea of what might happen after death, well you are going to be faced with your judge, the one who knows all about you, this is big papa, who knows you were a naughty boy and a naughty girl from the beginning of things, he is going to look right through to the core of your inauthentic existence and what kind of heebie jeebies may come up, or maybe you believe in reincarnation, and you think that your next life will be the rewards and the punishments for what you have done in this life, and you know you have got away with murder in this life and the most awful things are going to happen the next time around, so you look upon Death as a catastrophe. Then there are other people who say, when you are Dead you are Dead, just you know nothing is going to happen at all, so what do you have to worry about? Well we don't quite like that idea, because it spooks us. You know, what would it be like to die? To go to sleep and never never never wake up? Well, a lot of things it's not going to be like. It's not going to be like being buried alive. It's not going to be like being in the darkness forever. I'll tell you what, it's going to be like as if you never had existed at all, not only you but everything else as well, that just there was never anything and there is no one to regret it, and there is no problem. Well think about that for a while, it's kind of a weird feeling you get when you really think about that, when you really imagine it, just a stop all together, and you can't even call it stop, because you can't have stop without start, and there wasn't any start. There is just no thing. Well then you come to think of it that's the way it was before you were born. I mean if you go back in memories as far as you can go, you get to the same place as when you go forward in your anticipation in the future of what it's going to be like to be Dead, and you get these funny ideas. that this blankness is the necessary counterpart of what we call Being. Now we all think we are alive don't we? I mean we are really here? That there is something called existence? But how could you be experiencing that as a reality unless you had once been dead? What gives us any ghost of a notion that we are here, except by contrast to that we once weren't, and later on won't be, but this thing is a cycle. Like positive and negative poles in electricity.

So this then is the value of the symbolism of 'She is Black' She- the womb principle, the receptive, the instanding, the Void, and the Dark, and so that is to come into the presence of the God who has no image. Behind the Father image, behind the Mother image, Behind the image of light inaccessible, and behind the image of profound and abysmal darkness, there is something else which we can't conceive at all. Dionysius the Areopagite called it the luminous darkness. Nagarjuna called it Shunyata the Void. Shankara called it Brahman, that which can only of which nothing at all can be said 'neti neti'. Beyond all conception whatsoever, and you see that is not atheism in the formal sense of the word, this is a profoundly religious attitude, because what it corresponds to practically is an attitude to Life of total trust, of letting go. When we form images of God, they are all really exhibitions of out lack of faith, something to hold onto, something to grasp. How firm a foundation, what lies underneath us, the rock of ages, or whatever, but when we don't grasp we have the attitude of faith. If you let go of all the idols, you will of course discover that what this unknown is, which is the foundation of the universe, is YOU. It's not the you that you think you are, no its not your opinion of your self, its not your idea or image of yourself, its not the chronic sense of muscular strain which we usually call I. You can't grasp it, of course not. Why would you need to? Supposing you could, what would you do with it? and who would do what with it? You can never get at it. So there is that profound central mystery and the attitude of faith is to stop chasing it, to stop grabbing it, because if that happens, the most amazing things follow, but all these ideas of the spiritual, the Godly, as this attitude of must, 'and we have been laid down the laws which we are bound to follow' , all this jazz, is not the only way of being religious and of relating to the ineffable mystery that underlies ourselves and The World." -Alan Watts

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letterstothemidnightsociety · 4 years ago

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And I’m back from my midseason finale, continuing my journey to decipher how and why a show about two sexy brothers who hunt ghosts aired on television for over a decade. It’s Supernatural!

Back in 2009, when I rushed head long from “Salvation”/”Devil’s Trap straight into “In My Time of Dying” (Kripke, you’re being a real bitch with these titles), I was not the TV connoisseur who writes tumblr posts about ancient shows that you read before you. The cliffhanger at the end of “Devil’s Trap” is good enough that it didn’t matter that I’d just crossed the threshold from the first season into the second season. What mattered was that Dean was dying in the back seat and holy shiz, they crushed the Impala?? So I popped out one DVD disc and happily plugged in the next without stopping to think what a new season might mean.

Of course, I knew second seasons were precious. You watch Firefly ONCE and you know the fear of a Show Cancelled Too Soon. Supernatural, apparently, was on the edge of cancellation after season 1, but it’s renewal coincided with the birth of the brand new CW, a network built from the ashes of The WB and UPN respectively, that was in need of nightly programming to fill up the air. So Supernatural was saved (aha) from the Cancellation Bear and remained in it’s (primo) Thursday night time slot, 9pm warning label in-tact.

What do we say to the Cancellation Bear? Not Today!

That’s not to diminish the importance of it’s renewal for season 2! Depending on what network or cable channel (or year), only something like 20 - 30% of freshman shows get renewed for a season 2. To be fair, if every show that aired in the fall got renewed in the spring, there’d be no time slots left for new freshman shows the following fall, so something’s gotta give. SPN getting a season 2, even if the odds were a little more in their favor than they might want you to think, is still pretty miraculous, especially for 2006. Remember, this is pre-streaming services acquiring original content. In 2006, Netflix was a rental service that focused on mailing you DVDs. Via the U.S. Postal Service. And they wouldn’t officially start acquiring distribution licenses for broadcast shows (let alone their own content) until 2007 - two years after SPN started airing. In the early 2000′s, there were fewer opportunities for television shows to make it in front of an audience because there were fewer options for watching television. I’ll say it a hundred times - Supernatural is a DINOSAUR.

So what do you do when you’re gripped tight and raised from cancellation after your first season? Well if your Supernatural, you start off with one helluva bang.

Maybe more of a wallop.

As should be obvious by now, I watch a lot of supernatural and Supernatural-Adjacent television. I love a Season One, but very often those shows start to go downhill in Season 2. Why? For the simple fact that your characters are too good now. They’re too powerful. They’ll never be as vulnerable as they were in season 1, and if there’s no vulnerability, there’s less concern about their survivability. I’m not as invested in these characters because I’m not worried about them anymore. There’s not tension of will they/won’t they - you know they will, in the end, overcome. Of course, the solution to this conundrum is to level your villains up alongside your heroes. The trouble with that strategy is you end up with ludicrously, laughably super strong villains that lose their grounding in reality. This is a problem I foresee for SPN post season 5, but I haven’t gotten there yet, so I’ll leave that alone for right now.

So for me, what Supernatural does at the start of season 2 is genius. Think about the end of season 1 - our boys lose. They straight up failed. They had one goal - kill the demon that killed their women mom/wife and girlfriend - and they did not even remotely do that. They’re beaten, they’re bloody and now, just when we think they can’t lose any more, they lose some more.

I’m gonna be real honest here, this was a real turn on for me Sammy.

First it’s Baby. For two boys who hop from cheap motel to cheap motel, I think it’s safe to say that the Impala is basically their home. They lose the fight and then they lose their home. That’s rough.

Also, Bobby, I love you, but WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S SCRAP?!?!

Next, they almost lose Dean. Dean is the only thing that’s keeping this family together and he is donezo. He’s so gone, a Reaper is concocting an elaborate hallucination to get him to come to terms with his imminent demise. Which honestly, is a very nice thing for this Reaper to do, but also bb, don’t you do it!

You gotta hand it to this Reaper, she really knew allll the right buttons to push.

Next, we lose the Colt. They have one (1) weapon to use against the Yellow-Eyed-Demon and John gives it away. Is he also finally acknowledging that his children require his love and care? Yes. Is this the shittiest decision he’s ever made, even if it is to save the life of his firstborn? ALSO YES.

Pretty damn stupid, JOHN.

And finally, in the last 5 minutes of the episode, we lose John Winchester himself. And this bitch ain’t coming back. He’s gone. He’s gone for good. Sam and Dean spent months searching for their father, building up this legend of a man, and we as an audience spent months right along with them, only to watch him die in the first episode of season 2! Sam and Dean don’t start out season 2 back at square one, they’re back at square -10. Sure they know who the bad guy is now, but they don’t know how to find him, don’t know how to kill him, and the only person who did know can’t help them anymore! And to top it all off, they don’t even have a ride back from the hospital!

JK, we all know Bobby came and picked them up and took him back to his place, he’s the Real Hero of this show.

Also, I’m getting ahead of myself here but I’m on a roll - John’s last words to Dean are basically a threat that oh yeah, you have one more thing that this war on hell will steal from you. If you can’t save your brother, you’ll have to kill him. Sure John. Sure. Dean’s definitely gonna do that, John, you bitch.

And they don’t just write this loss off. Over the next three episodes we see how deep this failure goes. Sure, our guys are still out there, doing their thing, killing evil sonsabitches, but damn they are torn up and they are not handling it well.

Listen, I don’t know what your viewing experience is like, but the recaps on my dvd play this scene every episode for the next, like, five episodes.

“Everybody Loves a Clown” is a very clear attempt to get back to normal. So clear that they even say it in the episode somewhere, but they have a lot of climbing to do before they get anywhere near normal. They’re driving around in a minivan, they’re taking cases from strangers, they’re living as carnies - their whole world is upside down.

We get another low blow in “Bloodlust.” Dean learns that a) no one can replace his father and b) that Monster doesn’t necessarily mean Evil. So at the end of the episode, when he asks Sam, “What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing,” you feel it like a gut punch. Dean doesn’t even get to keep his own faith that he’s doing the right thing anymore.

Hey buddy. While you’re down on the ground, we thought we’d kick ya a little bit, OK?

And then we round that out with “Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things,” a nice zombie episode that is definitely not about the zombies. Sam and Dean are still grieving the death of their father in a very real way and I actually think Sam’s idea to visit their mom’s grave is really nice. He obviously took several psych courses and is handling grief in a much healthier, mature way than Dean. That being said, when he starts to go all Psych Major on Dean, even I want to slap him in the face. And then that whole attitude really bites him in the ass when Dean finally does open up and he realizes he’s not qualified to therapize this shit.

Oh no, it OK, don’t be cry!

See, we as the audience know that John Winchester traded his own soul to save Dean’s life, but Dean was in a coma with a Reaper, so there’s no way to know what Dean knows. But that bitch is astute and he figures it out. The Colt gone, their dad gone, and that horrible wrong sensation when he woke up in the hospital all point to the fact that John’s final gift to his son was the crushing weight of guilt. Dean knows that John should be here with Sam, would be here with Sam, if it wasn’t for Dean. And since a demon was involved, Dean probably suspects where John is right now. And that is something that he is just gonna have to carry for the rest of forever. I mean, I love Dean and I’m glad he’s still here, but that’s a real dick move John.

John Winchester. Ruining Lives from Before and Beyond the Grave.

Notice the change in this season - with the exception of the Yellow Eyed Demon, these first few episodes are not about the monster. These are Feelings Episodes, ooey gooey Feelings Episodes, that just use the monster-of-the-week to get characters to deal with their inner traumas. This is SPN saying they’re not gonna stay on the surface of this show, they’re gonna dig deep and focus on Character Substance over the Horror FX Style. And in season 2, that still feels fun! As an audience member plowing through these episodes, I was thrilled that this was the direction the show was taking. I was also thrilled that all these episode end with Dean staring dramatically into the middle distance, just some A+ cinematography there gentlemen, great job.

In order, Ep 201, 202, 203, 204. I was not kidding.

I’m also noticing, having written all this down, that these are some very Dean-centric episodes. Like, it’s very heavy on the Dean. Which I’m not mad about, but I just think it’s real funny considering that Sam was definitely our lead protagonist/entry point into season 1.

Now though? This is honestly my biggest fear as I continue my quest to make it through the entire series. I know how it ends. I have a tumblr account and sometimes I like spoilers to prep me for what’s coming, so I know how this all shakes out. And I think the reason that I sort of gave up on the series was because at some point, these Feelings episodes get too heavy. If all your characters are always bogged down by grief and guilt and loss, at some point that’s not enjoyable to watch anymore. You’ve gotta give them a win at some point. A real win that doesn’t come with caveats like Dean sold his soul to the devil, or, Sam’s locked in a cage with the devil, or really anything involving the devil at all.

So while I’m enjoying season 2 still, I am worried that my enjoyment level is gonna sink as the series goes on. But that’s still a ways down the road, so in the meantime, have more of Dean staring dramatically into the middle distance.

#Supernatural Season 2 #Supernatural Rewatch #SPN #sam and dean #Sam Winchester #but mostly #dean winchester #In My Time of Dying #Everybody Loves a Clown #Bloodlust #Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things #Seriously Kripke #What the hell are these titles?#Dean staring dramatically into the middle distance appreciation post #To be fair #they knew what I wanted #television #CW

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ashtray-girl · 5 years ago

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By Grand Central Station I Sat Down And Wept and its role in Morrissey’s lyricism

PLOT This is a short prose poetry novel in which author Elizabeth Smart recounts her love affair with married poet George Barker (even though she began writing it years before they met). Said affair lasted 18 years and she bore 4 of his 15 children, whom he had from several different women.

The novel is divided in 10 parts, so I’ll proceed by summing up each one of them while also highlighting the parts which I think are relevant to the Morrissey discourse.

DISCLAIMER: even though there isn’t much of a plot to spoil (the focus is placed almost entirely on the narrator’s feelings and in the way they’re expressed), I am gonna quote extensively from every chapter so keep that in mind if you intend to read the book for yourself.

PART I The protagonist is waiting at the bust station for the man she loves to collect her (she never names him btw) but when he finally comes he’s with his wife and it’s her that the protagonist sees first.

“But then it is her eyes that come forward out of the vulgar disembarkers to reassure me that the bus has not disgorged disaster: her madonna eyes, soft as the newly-born, trusting as the untempted. And, for a moment, at that gaze, I am happy to forego my future, and postpone indefinitely the miracle hanging fire. […] Behind her he for whom I have waited for so long, who has stalked so unbearably through my nightly dreams.”

It’s interesting to note the way she talks about her. Even though she’s wildly in love with this man, she never badmouths her. On the contrary, throughout the story she seems to have a good opinion of her.

“I see she can walk across the leering world and suffer injury only from the ones she loves. But I love her and her silence is propaganda for sainthood.”

You know what all of this reminds me of? The time Angie collected Morrissey at the station to take him to Johnny’s house, a few days after Johnny had knocked on Morrissey’s door and they’d talked about forming a band. Did he expect it would be Johnny who’d come and pick him up? Did he know he had a girlfriend?

“So we drive along the Californian coast singing together, and I entirely renounce him for only her peace of mind.”

I don’t know if the narrator shares Morrissey’s fascination with cars (I don’t even think the two things are necessarily related), but it’s worth pointing out how some of the most important and dramatic scenes of the book happen in a car.

“Why do I not jump off this cliff where I lie sickened by the moon? I know these days are offering me only murder for my future. It is not just the creeping fingers of the cold that dissuade me from action, and allow me to accept the hypocritical hope that there may be some solution. Like Macbeth, I keep remembering that I am their host. So it’s tomorrow’s breakfast rather than the future’s blood that dictates fatal forbearance. Nature, perpetual whore, distracts with the immediate.”

Look at this entire paragraph and tell me it isn’t the most Morrissey thing you’ve ever read. Also, does any part of it sound familiar? Well, let’s look at the lyrics for Shakespeare’s Sister:

Young bones groan, and the rocks below say “Throw your skinny body down, son"

But I'm going to meet the one I love So please don't stand in my way Because I'm going to meet the one I love No, mama, let me go

Young bones groan and the rocks below say "Throw your white body down"

But I'm going to meet the one I love At last, at last, at last! I'm going to meet the one I love

Then the protagonist gets to the couple’s house and her sudden proximity to the man she loves brings the feelings she’s been trying to repress right back to the surface:

“The Beginning lurks uncomfortably on the outskirts of the circle, like an unpopular person whom ignoring can keep away. The very silence, the very avoiding of any intimacy between us, when he, when he was only a word, was able to cause me sleepless nights and shivers of intimation, is the more dangerous. Our seeming detachment gathers strength. I sit back impersonally and say, I see human vanity, or feel myself full of gladness because there is a gentleness between him and her, or even feel irritation because he lets her do too much of the work, sits lolling whilst she chops wood for the stove.”

There’s an unmistakable feeling of impeding doom, as if she knows that even though nothing physical has happened between them yet, she’s sealed her own deal just by being there with him and it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable strikes.

“While we drive along the road in the evening, talking as impersonally as a radio discussion, he tells me: ‘A boy with green eyes and long lashes, whom I had never seen before, took me into the back of a printshop and made love to me, and for two weeks I went around remembering the numbers on bus conductors’ hats.’ ‘One should love beings whatever their sex’, I reply, but withdraw into the dark with my obstreperous shape of shame, offended with my own flesh which cannot metamorphose into a printshop boy with armpits like chalices.”

So there you have it: Meaningful Car Scene n°1. He confesses he had a homosexual experience (and he enjoyed it, or so it seems) and she’s jealous but not outraged or disgusted, which is quite a big deal if you think this book was first published in 1945. (It’s also worth noting that, in her later years, Elizabeth Smart had affairs with both men and women). Another thing I noticed as I was writing this is that sentence, “remembering the numbers on bus conductors’ hats”, which reminded me of that line in Phoney:

Who can make Hitler Seem like a bus conductor? You do, oh Phoney you do

It’s probably just a coincidence, but I found it funny nonetheless.

“He kissed my forehead driving along the coast in the evening, and now, wherever I go, like the sword of Damocles, that greater never-to-be-given kiss hangs above my doomed head. He took my hand between the two shabby front seats of the Ford, and it was dark, and I was looking the other way, but now that hand casts everywhere an octopus shadow from which I can never escape. The tremendous gentleness of that moment smothers me under; […] I stand on the edge of the cliff, but the future is already done.”

Meaningful Car Scene n°2. There’s a first attempt at physical contact and by now he seems to have realised she has feelings for him, so he’s trying to see how far he can push himself with her.

Now, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: I feel like something very similar to this may have happened between Johnny and Morrissey. The reason why I decided to write this analysis is because, once I read the book, I fully realised the pervasiveness of its influence in many of the lyrics Morrissey wrote while he was in The Smiths (especially during the Meat Is Murder era) and in the first years of his solo career but, as much as people talked about it, I feel like they never went deep enough. The way I see it, Morrissey had every reason to relate to the protagonist, even though she’s a woman. Someone who falls deeply in love with a married man (with bisexual tendencies, it seems) and is quite concerned with the ethics of what she’s doing but at the same time is very certain of her feelings for him. The man, on the other hand, seems to have a much more ambiguous attitude, accepting her love but also wanting to keep a respectable façade by staying with his wife. If we assume that Morrissey did harbour romantic feelings for Johnny, it’s easy to see why he would choose this book as a way to sublimate them, especially if we consider how the queer factor would’ve made them even less acceptable in the eyes of society.

But going back to the book… what about the man’s wife?

“By day she obeys the voice of love as the stricken obey their god, and she walks with the light step of hope which only the naive and the saints know. […] He also is bent towards her in an attitude of solicitude. Can he hear his own heart while he listens for the tenderness of her sensibilities? Is there a way at all to avoid offending the lamb of god?”

As I said before, she doesn’t seem to be especially jealous of his wife, but that may be because at the moment she’s high on the secret attentions her husband is giving her, so it’s easy for her to feel sorry for this other woman who’s being cheated on right under her own roof.

I can’t help but think about how Morrissey and Angie had their own relationship and seemed to be quite close. I mean, that must have been a bit of a weird dynamic (for Moz at least), and I wonder how they worked it out.

“I never was in love with death before, nor felt grateful because the rocks below could promise certain death. But now the idea of dying violently becomes an act wrapped in attractive melancholy, and displayed with every blandishment. For there is no beauty in denying love, except perhaps by death, and towards love what way is there? To deny love, and deceive it meanly by pretending that what is unconsummated remains eternal, or that love sublimated reaches highest to heavenly love, is repulsive, as the hypocrite’s face is repulsive when placed too near the truth. […] I might be better fooled, but can I see the light of a match while burning in the arms of the sun?”

There’s another reference to dying by throwing herself off a cliff, but the really interesting part is what comes after. The narrator rejects the idea that spiritual love is the highest form of love, which is achieved by embracing its physical side instead. It’s not enough for her to have a platonic bond with the man she loves because she wants him in mind, body and soul.

While reading this, I couldn’t help but draw some parallels:

- “Dying violently becomes an act wrapped in attractive melancholy.” → “To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.” - “Can I see the light of a match while burning in the arms of the sun?” → “There is a light and it never goes out.”

And then, opening the penultimate paragraph of this first chapter:

“I have learned to smoke because I need something to hold on to. I dare not be without a cigarette in my hand.”

This is one of the most obvious one. If we look at the lyrics for What She Said (which is based almost entirely on this book), it’s pretty self-explanatory:

What she said: ‘I smoke ‘cause I’m hoping for a nearly death And I need to cling to something.’

PART II This part is mainly about the remorse the protagonist is feeling towards the man’s wife, who has now realised something happened between the two of them.

“Her eyes pierced all the veils that protected my imagination against ruinous knowledge. […] Is there no other channel of my deliverance except by her martyrdom?”

It’s quite interesting to note how the chapter opens with:

“God, come down […] and tell me who will drown in so much blood.”

And then, on the next page:

“I am blind, but blood, not love, blinded my eye. Love lifted the weapon but guided my crime.”

Both of these lines reminded me of the lyrics for Yes, I Am Blind:

Yes, I am blind No, I can't see The good things Just the bad things, oh...

Yes, I am blind No, I can't see There must be something Horribly wrong with me?

God, come down If you're really there Well, you're the one who claims to care

It then goes on:

“… she whom I have injured, and whose agony it is my penalty to watch, lies gasping, but still living, on the land.”

- “Gasping, but still living.” → “Gasping, but somehow still alive.” (Well I Wonder)

PART III The narrator spends most of this chapter gushing about how in love she is with this man, who in the meantime has followed her back home to spend some time with her (though it’s not clear whether he has left his wife for her or not.)

“Even the precise geometry of his hand, when I gaze at it, dissolves me into water and I flow away in a flood of love.”

(I have nothing to say about this line except that I like it and that I can’t help but imagine Morrissey staring at Johnny’s hands as he picks the chords of his guitar, thinking these exact same thoughts.)

“When the Ford rattles up to the door, five minutes (five years) late, and he walks across the lawn under the pepper-trees, I stand behind the gauze curtains, unable to move to meet him, or to speak, as I turn to liquid to invade his every orifice when he opens the door.”

Yet another reference to his car. Also yeah, you’re wet for him, we get it.

“And there is so much for me, I am suddenly so rich, and I have done nothing to deserve it, to be so overloaded. All after such a desert. All after I had learnt to say, I am nothing, and I deserve nothing. […] It has happened, the miracle has arrived, everything begins today, […] all the paraphernalia of existence, all my sad companions of these last twenty years, […] all the world solicits me with joy, leaps at me electrically, claiming its birth at last.”

I can’t help but think about how similarly Morrissey must have felt after Johnny knocked on his door, after having spent his last twenty years in much the same way the narrator had, feeling lonely and isolated.

I mean, he even said so himself:

“He appeared at a time when I was deeper than the depths, if you like. And he provided me with this massive energy boost. I could feel Johnny’s energy just seething inside of me.”

“I was there, dying, and he rescued me.”

The chapter ends with this sentence:

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm, for love is strong as death.”

Which kinda reminds me of that part in Rusholme Ruffians:

So scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen (This means you really love me)

PART IV This is, in my opinion, the book’s most interesting chapter. What happens is, they get stopped as they’re crossing the Arizona border and once the cops realise they’re together but not married to each other, the take them to the police station, interrogate them for several hours about the nature of their relationship and then make them leave separately.

Once again, one of the most dramatic scenes takes place in a car.

I fully believe that Morrissey wrote both The Boy With The Thorn In His Side and later Late Night, Maudlin Street with this entire part in mind.

“They are taking me away in a police car […] They are prosecuting me for silence and for love […] They drove me away in a police car. […] For too much love, only for too much love. […] Are you not convinced, inspector? Do you not believe in love?”→ “They took you away in a police car / Inspector – don’t you know? Don’t you care? Don’t you know – about love?” (Late Night, Maudlin Street)

“They intercepted our love because of what was in our eyes. […] Did they see such flagrant proof and still not believe?” → “How can they see the love in our eyes and still they don’t believe us?” (The Boy With The Thorn In His Side)

I wonder who “they” were, though. I mean, we know that in the book, when she says: “They are prosecuting me for silence and for love” she clearly means the authorities, but what did Morrissey mean? Were “they” those same “people who are weaker/uglier than you and I” and those “evil people (who) prosper over the likes of you and me always”? And did he have some specific names in mind, or did he just mean society in general? As in: “They (the general public / the media / the music industry) can’t (don’t want to?) see we love each other because they’re not ready to accept that idea yet, but they’re more than happy to profit from us and our art, which is only made possible BECAUSE of that love.”

The penultimate paragraph before the end of the chapter feels especially relevant:

“All our wishes were private, we desired no more scope than ourselves. Could we corrupt the young by gazing into each other’s eyes? Would they leave their offices? Would big business suffer?”

PART V The protagonist comes back home feeling sorry for herself. Her family doesn’t approve of her relationship with a married man, but she refuses to apologise and spends most of her time contemplating nature and reminiscing about what happened.

Another quote which Morrissey probably used as inspiration for Late Night…

“Every yellow or scarlet leaf hangs like a flag waving me on.” → “Every hag waves me on / Secretly wishing me gone.”

PART VI The protagonist has an argument with her father, who’s worried about her state. Her mother doesn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore and even her brother is sceptical about the whole situation. She then reminisces about leaving Ottawa with him (she’s Canadian) and she talks at length about how they’re meant to be together no matter what. She also finds out she’s pregnant.

At the start, she mentions neighbours who warn her to stay away from him:

“The well-meaning matrons who, from their insulated living say, ‘My dear, I think you would would regret it afterwards if you broke up a marriage,’ ‘When you felt it about to happen the right thing would have been to have gone away at once.”

I wonder how many people around The Smiths were aware of Morrissey being in love with Johnny (because at this point, no one can convince me he wasn’t) and, if they were, how much did they know? Did they ever talked to him about it? Did they warn him about being cautious, about not revealing too much of his own feelings in his songs? And did they mention how bad it would look for him if he broke up a couple?

“The policeman grows fatter each day and rivals the new tanks. He blots out the doorway of the little café. A couple seeing him spills the milk at the counter, remembering what they did under the bridge last night. But the policeman is blind. He strikes only when he hears a loud noise. There are others, though, who have eyes like shifty hawks, and they prowl the streets searching for a face whereon an illegal kiss might be forming. No, there is no defence for love, and tears will only increase the crime.”

Here she’s talking about how, while in the midst of a war (the book is set in the 40s), the police (and society in general) seem to be concerned with futile things like arresting people who are doing nothing but love each other and it reminds me of a quote from Morrissey’s Autobiography:

“Men were draped with medals for killing other men yet imprisoned for loving one another.”

Later on, she makes a point of proclaiming herself ready to take their relationship as it is, without expecting much of a future.

“Though this is all there is […] I accept it without tomorrows and without any lilies of promise. It is enough, the now, and though it comes without anything, it gives me everything. […] But as long as the accessories are such now as to make me over-armed with weapons to combat the antagonistic world, even if a thousand programs go wrong, I won’t lament that past I was when I could see no future.”

She then tries to dissipate any doubts he might have about their relationship (because it looks as if he’s already starting to second-guess himself) by repeatedly reassuring him that she’s the one for him and that, as much as he tries, he can’t escape that fact.

“Remember I am not temptation to you, but everything is which inclines you away. Nor are you to me, but my entire goal. Sometimes you see this as clearly as I do now, for you say, ‘Do you think if I didn’t I could have…?’”.

I wonder… if Johnny hadn’t already been with Angie when he knocked on Morrissey’s door, would things have panned out differently for them? Would they have dared to take their relationship to the next level in spite of society’s backlash?

“Do you see me then as the too-successful one, like a colossus whose smug thighs rise obliviously out of sorrow? Or as the detestable all-female, who grabs and devours, invulnerable with greed? Alas, these are your sins, your garments of shame, and not the blond-sapling boys with blue eye-shadow leaning amorously towards you in the printshop.”

Leaving aside the fact that this man is garbage, she’s obviously anxious to reassure him that it’s not his bisexuality that saddens her, but the fact that he sees her as a threat.

Also that line, “grabs and devours”, will then be used by Morrissey in The Headmaster Ritual:

He grabs and devours He kicks me in the showers Kicks me in the showers And he grabs and devours

By the end of the chapter though, her words of comfort are starting to sound ominous:

“Only remember: I am not the ease, but the end. I am not to blind you but to find you. What you think is the sirens singing to lure you to your doom is only the voice of the inevitable, welcoming you after so long a wait. I was made only for you.”

PART VII The man has a breakdown and he’s interned in a psych facility. She tries to go and see him, but his wife is already there. He’d previously written her a letter, asking her to take him back. The protagonist leaves and when she comes back a few days later they leave together, but when she tries to confront him about the letter he refuses to listen to her. They have a fight and she ends up capitulating because he’s still ill and she wants to believe him when he tells her she’s the only one.

“My love, why did you leave me on Lexington Avenue in the Ford that had no breaks?” This line reminds me a bit of Break Up The Family, when Morrissey says:

Hailstones, driven home In a car – no breaks? I don’t mind

Which coincidentally is what’s happening in this chapter: the honeymoon phase is clearly over, he’s having troubles with his guilty conscience and he deals with them by distancing himself from her, even though she’s expecting his child.

PART VIII He and his wife move to London where the war is raging and, after a while, the protagonist follows them. She stays in a dingy hotel and he occasionally visits her to have sex with her, but by now it’s clear that he has no intention of leaving his wife for her, so they often fight and every day she’s getting more and more desperate and isolated.

The chapter opens with the line:

“His brother and his mother and his grandmother lie abandoned in death on the stones of the London Underground.”

This vaguely reminds me once again of Late Night…

You gran died And you mother died On Maudlin Street In pain and ashamed With never time to say Those special things

“Bombs are bigger, but the human brains they burst remain the same. It is the faces we once kissed that are being smashed in the English coastal towns, the hand we shook that are swept up with the debris […] and love still uproots the heart better than an imagined landmine.”

This paragraph makes me think of Ask:

Because if it’s not love Then it’s the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb The bomb, the bomb That will bring us together

In the meantime, their relationship is going sour and the protagonist feels they’re reaching a breaking point.

“When the ship cracks in the typhoon, we cover our heads and tell ourselves that all will resolve back to normal. But we are unbelieving. This time may not be like the other times that with time grew into cheerful anecdotes. […] O where does he stalk like a horse in pastures very far afield? I cannot hear him, and silence writes more terrible things than he can ever deny. Is there a suspicion the battle is lost? Certainly he killed me fourteen nights in succession.”

I can’t help but think about how Morrissey must have felt when Johnny told him he wanted to leave The Smiths. People around him (Stephen Street, Grant Showbiz) thought he was going to kill himself and the fact that Johnny then went on holiday and never made contact with him must have alarmed him even more. He’d first thought the situation could be repaired, but by then he must’ve realised the end was upon them.

“He did the one sin which Love will not allow. […] He did sin against Love, and though he says it was in Pity’s name, and that Pity was only fighting a losing battle with Love, he was useless to Pity, and in wavering, injured Love, which was, after all, what he staked all for, all he had, ungamblable.”

From what I gather, he went back to his wife because he felt sorry for her and the protagonist can’t accept that because in her eyes their love was everything that mattered and everything they had.

Now: as I said before, I think Morrissey was inspired by this book because he saw himself in it. I think he must’ve found many similarities between the protagonist’s situation and his own, both of them in love with a married man who doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself. Johnny and Angie split for a brief period in 1983, when The Smiths went on their first USA tour, and I’ve seen a few people speculate that if something physical happened between Morrissey and Johnny, it may very well have happened then. Morrissey may have taken advantage of the fact that Johnny was free and overcame his fears by making the first move. Or maybe, Johnny was the one who, once aware of Morrissey’s feelings for him, decided to take the bull by its horns. I don’t know. Nobody does. What I wonder is… once Johnny went back to Angie, how did Morrissey feel? Because I don’t think he was all that thrilled. Did he think he did it out of pity, like the protagonist of the book did? If something had happened between them on that tour, did he feel used? Did he feel mildly outraged? Did he resign himself to consider it a one-night stand and nothing more, even though his feelings for Johnny clearly went deeper than that? It’s also worth noticing how the references to this book start to spring up in his lyrics from Meat Is Murder onwards, that is, after that tour in 1983.

“How can I put love up to my hopes so suicidal and wild-eyed when the matter is too simple and too plain: it is her tears he feels trickling over his breast each night; it is for her he feels the concern; and the pity, after all, not the love, fills his twenty-four hours. Perhaps I am his hope. But then she is his present. And if then she is his present, I am not his present. Therefore, I am not, and I wonder why no one has noticed I am dead and taken the trouble to bury me. […] For even if he loves me, he is in her arms. O the fact, the unalterable fact: it is she he is with: he is with her: he is not with me because he is sleeping with her.”

For me, this might be the most heartbreaking part of the book. The protagonist knows that no matter what she tells herself, when he’s done with her he comes home to his wife while she’s stuck in a hotel room in a country which is not her own.

That line, “I wonder why no one has noticed I am dead and taken the trouble to bury me”, also crops up right at the beginning of What She Said:

What she said: “How come someone hasn’t noticed that I’m dead And decided to bury me? God knows, I’m ready!”

Which makes me think Morrissey must have somehow related to this part. “He loves me, but he’s still with her.” “He has martyred me, but for no cause, nor has he any idea of the size and consequence of my wounds. Perhaps he will never know, for to say, You killed me daily and O most especially nightly, would imply blame. I do not blame, nor even say, You might have done this or this rather than that. I even say, You must do that, you have to do it, there is no alternative, urging my own murder. […] If ever again he lets those nights happen, or dallies with remorse for past sins to others while sinning most dangerously against me, I shall be unrevivable. I shall, whether I want to or not, be struck dead with the fact. And he may clothe it in all humanity’s most melting colours, and pity, and sympathy, and call on love to be kind, and I too shall pray, Let me be kind, but it will be no good.”

This entire thing reinforces my first thought, which is: Morrissey and Johnny at one point had a one-night stand (“It was a good lay, good lay...”), except for Morrissey there were much stronger feelings attached to it.

As hurt as she is, the protagonist doesn’t blame the man for going back to his wife and she even encourages him, because she recognises that, at the end of the day, it’s the best course of action for everyone involved. What she wishes wouldn’t happen again are those nights, coupled with him badmouthing her to others out of remorse for his own actions.

If we once again consider the queer factor in the relationship between Morrissey and Johnny, it wouldn’t surprise me if Morrissey followed the same reasoning when Johnny went back to Angie because, as much as Morrissey loved him, he wouldn’t be able to give him the stability of a straight relationship. (That isn’t to say Johnny didn’t love Angie, btw. I’m sure he loved her deeply and he still does, but I also think at the time some internal conflict was present because, on some level, he reciprocated Morrissey’s feelings.)

That last line, “… and call on love to be kind, and I too shall pray, Let me be kind” reminds me of I Know It’s Over:

It takes strength to be gentle and kind

This can be applied to many situations, but I feel like it becomes especially relevant in the context of the love of your life leaving you for someone else, who you also care about.

PART IX The protagonist goes back home to Canada and has to face the invasive questioning of neighbours who see her with a big belly but no wedding ring. After a while though, she realises she must see the man she loves and so she leaves to meet him once again.

“I am lonely. I cannot be a female saint. I want the one I want. He is the one I picked out from the world. I picked him out in cold deliberation. But the passion was not cold. It kindled me. It kindled the world. Love, love, give my heart ease, put your arms round me, give my heart ease. Feel the little bastard.”

- “I want the one I want.” → “I want the one I can’t have.” - “Put your arms round me.” → “All I ask of you is one thing that you never do / Would you put your arms around me? (I won’t tell anyone).” (Tomorrow)

PART X The final chapter opens with the line that gave the book its title: “By Grand Central Station I sat down and wept.” He didn’t come to collect her, so she has a breakdown right in the middle of the station. The ending is kind of confusing. It looks as if she resigns herself to go back to him just to have sex with him, and she tries to convince herself everything is fine, but it clearly isn’t.

Elizabeth Smart went back to George Barker time and time again, even though their relationship was dysfunctional to say the least and they were both very damaged, egotistical individuals. He cheated on her repeatedly but she loved him nonetheless, so I guess it would make sense for the book to end like this as well.

“They obey the glint in the middle of my glazed eye, for it is the fierce last stand of all I have.” → “Gasping - but somehow still alive / This is the fierce last stand of all I am.” (Well I Wonder)

“I wanted only one thing. I gave you the full instructions. The name, I spelt it out in letters as long as a continent, even the address, the address that makes waterfalls of my blood because it is also her address. I said quite plainly and loudly: This is what I want. I want this, and I don’t want any bonus. Just give me this and I’ll pay any price you ask. I made no reservations. You took advantage of this. I never grudged. But, Sir, so what I plead is just – what are you stalling for? There is no more to give.”

This entire paragraph reminds me of Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want.

“He hangs, damp with his impotent tears, nailed by one hand to Love and by the other one to Pity.”

This man is split between love and duty and can’t seem to be able to make a decision, with everyone suffering as a consequence, including him. That’s what the protagonist sees. What I see is a man who likes to have his ego stroked and doesn’t mind a bit of drama. It’s not that he’s unable to make a decision, he just doesn’t want to.

“Is it possible he cannot hear me when he lies so close, so lightly asleep? […] My dear, my darling, do you hear me when you sleep?”

These parts were clearly used by Morrissey as inspiration for the lyrics of Well I Wonder (which, like What She Said, was based almost entirely on this book – I even think they were written back to back.)

Well I wonder Do you hear me when you sleep?

“This is the very room he chose instead of Love. Let it be quiet and full of healing. […] It is the cursed comfort he preferred to my breast. The one who shares it weeps silently in corners, is tender unnoticed, and makes his necessary tea. ‘Have you seen my notebook, dear?’ ‘It is under the desk, my sweet.’ Give it to him, O my gentle usurper, whom I also have usurped, my enemy whom I have both killed and been killed by. […] He also is drowning in the blood of too much sacrifice. Lay aside the weapons, love, for all battles are lost.”

At last he’s made his choice and if we’ve learned something from history it’s that a man’s comfort will always be more important than a woman’s safety and peace of mind.

FINAL COMMENTS As I said before, one of the reasons I think Morrissey was inspired by this book is that he found its story to be relatable, but it’s not just that. The language, as you may have noticed by reading some of its quotes, is quite poetic, abstract and melodramatic, with a major focus on introspection and an underlying sense of pervasive melancholy. This is an artistic quality that both Morrissey and Johnny had in common, even though they expressed it differently: one through his lyrics, the other through his sound. Ultimately, I think Morrissey found By Grand Central Station… very useful creatively and personally. Creatively because it gave him the inspiration to write some of his best songs (also, here’s a reminder that both Moz and Johnny declared Well I Wonder as one of their favourite Smiths’ songs at some point), and personally because it provided him with an outlet to confront his feelings for Johnny, which I think must have been quite tumultuous. With a shortage of LGBT media which was even more prevalent in the 80s, queer people often had to read between the lines of straight stories to find something to relate to, and I feel like that’s what Morrissey did. Personally, after reading it I found myself surprised by the superficiality with which most people (biographers, reviewers etc.) talked about its role in Morrissey’s lyrics, because clearly there’s so much more to it than stealing a line here and there. It’s also about him feeling invested in a story because it spoke to him and it represented him, at least partially, in an era when anyone who didn’t fit in with society’s standards of what it meant to be a man or a woman might as well not have existed at all.

#the smiths #morrissey #johnny marr #marrissey #by grand central station i sat down and wept #elizabeth smart

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hellstop-butdocontinue-blog · 6 years ago

Note

If you're still doing drabble prompts... “I won’t let anyone hurt you.” / After a near-death experience

two-part drabble game31 - “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”eyy i’m always taking prompts!! thanks for sending this in dude!

They’re leaving Diana’s house and the car is awfully quiet. Michael considers turning on the radio but it somehow feels inappropriate- he’d rather grit his teeth through the silence and let Eleanor make her peace with the eventful day.

She’s distracted, glancing out of the window and no doubt lost inside her mind, and Michael glances at her from time to time, just to check. He’s worried that she’s still resenting her mother and if he knows Eleanor as well as he thinks he does, she is.

When she heaves a sigh and looks down at her lap, he’s unable to still his tongue, and the first foolish thought that enters his mind is what spews forward, “You wanna get burgers?”

Eleanor looks at him and she’s smiling, nodding her head as she seems to shake herself off, “Of course, buddy.”

The joint they stop at is heavily decorated diner with plenty of empty boots to chose from. Michael speaks of any subject he can think of while they wait for the food- anything to keep the silence from raging over them again. He has a tough time hiding his pride every time she laughs at his wicked, dark humuor and he wonders, not for the first time, on how alike they are.

They’re eating and Michael is looking at a flat screen hung on the wall that’s televising american football. It’s so pointlessly brutal, he loves it.

His attention is caught by Eleanor when she suddenly ducks and sits so Michael is hiding her from the door, “Shit, is that Trevor? Hadn’t he moved to, I don’t know, India or something?”

Michael immediately turns his head around and a cold rod of fear straightens his spine. He turns away quickly but he knows his height and hair will make locating him very easy, and he is sure Trevor isn’t here on coincidence. So he makes quick work of updating Eleanor on the situation,”Trevor is a demon from the Bad Place. He was trying to break you guys apart when he joined the Brainy Bunch.”

Eleanor nodded, smiling as if it all made sense, “Yeaaah, of course that guy is a demon!” She then sobers up when she spots Trevor heading their way, “He’s coming. Should we make a run for it? It is not my first time fleeing a diner and if we can just get over this railing-”

“No, Eleanor. We’re not sure he’s even alone and we might just run right where they expect us to. Let me talk to him.” As soon as he’s finished speaking he feels a presence by his side, and he looks at Trevor with the most disgusted expression his human face can manage, “What do you want Trevor? Weren’t you supposed to be floating around in the void like the mindless vermin you are?”

His periphery catches Eleanor looking faintly surprised by his aggressiveness and he allows himself a smirk.

Trevor looks unimpressed and makes a show of looking at Michael’s head, “Is that styling gel in your hair or KY? Oh! Are you using it to hide your balding? Yeah! I can even see my reflection!”

“Oh really funny.” Michael comments but feels self-conscious. Was he going bald? No, his human suit should remain functioning for several more centuries. “Now- oh wait, what’s that shit on your neck?” He makes a fairly disgusted expression, even leans back a little, before faking realization, “Oh, it’s your face!”

“Go Michael! Whoop whoop!” Eleanor hollers and Trevor sneers but before he can retaliate, they’re interrupted by the waitress.

She looks at the three of them, senses the tension, but shrugs, “Y’all should leave soon. The minute we close up they use this place to shoot porn.” Before she unceremoniously takes her leave.

“Let’s take this outside then, dingus.” Trevor doesn’t wait for them to follow.

Eleanor watches his leave then leans in close to Michael, “Okay, that guy is an idiot. Let’s sneak off the back door.” She grabs his hand when they stand and go right past the uncaring employees and out the kitchen door. It leads them to a dark alley, but there’s no sign of Trevor. They walk the opposite direction from the front of the dinner, thankful they didn’t park on that street.

“So, Trevor is actually a de-! HEY!” Eleanor shouts as someone grabs her from the side alley, so quick she can’t grip Michael’s hand harder and she’s ripped away from him. Trevor is holding her bruising-tight, uncomfortably close and his hands smell awful, like a Target bathroom. He’s taller than her ( and a demon ) and once he has her securely held, one of his disgusting hands wrap around her neck.

Michael sees red.

“So here’s the deal-io Michael. You get me the three other humans or I’ll kill your little favorite. You know she’s going straight to the Bad Place then. And I’ll follow suit- I’ve been dying to try her out.” He grins.

Michael advances on him but he tightens his grip on Eleanor’s throat and she gasps, her eyes wide and afraid as she looks at him, struggling as he presses on her windpipes.

“Let. Her. Go.”

“What are you going to do, you turd?” Trevor must have forgotten who Eleanor Shellstrop is, because the moment his hold falters just slightly, she gears and slams her elbow back as hard as she can to the pit of his stomach, bolting to Michael’s side, panting. She’s just sorry she didn’t get the balls.

“Take that, dickhea-” Eleanor’s cut off by Michael as he strides towards Trevor and slams his against the brick wall by the neck. It’s hard enough for Eleanor to wince at the crack his head makes upon contact.

“You don’t get to touch her.” Michael’s voice is eery quiet as he leans in close to Trevor, who seems dizzy, and takes a long moment to focus on the Architect, “You don’t get to touch any of them. Now, you’re going to leave us alone. You’ll fuck off to Shawn and if I ever see you again, you won’t get the chance to run away. Are we understood?” Michael pulls and slams Trevor back against the wall, a malicious grin on his lips when Trevor nods, his expression one full of pain. “Good. I’d slap you but I don’t want to make you look any better.”

He releases him and grabs Eleanor, brewing in his rage all the way to the car. Before getting in, he looks down at Eleanor, a hand smoothing her cheek before he spots bruising on her neck, and whatever he was going to say is replaced by, “No, hold on. I’m not giving him a second shot.”

Michael is full in his intention to go back into that alley but Eleanor holds him back by the wrist with both of her hands, “He’s not worth it Michael, I’m fine! Really! And did you see the look on his face? He’s not going to be so quick about coming after us again.”

She swallows and it aches a bit but she doesn’t let it show, “Besides, we have to get back to the others.” She smiles at Michael when he turns to her, his face still shadowed by a murderous intent, but she’s not scared. Maybe, she’s even a little turned on.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He steps close to her, hand briefly resting on the back of her hair.

“Yeah man. Let’s go.”

Once inside the car, he starts the ignition as she comments, “You sure went full demon on him too, huh?” He glances at her worriedly but she doesn’t appear scared or disapproving, a small smile tilting her lips.

“Well, I couldn’t- I can’t- I won’t let anyone hurt you, Eleanor. Not anymore, at least.” He stares regretfully at the marks on her skin.

“I know, buddy. I trust you.” She grins as he pulls into the street, “Besides, that was really hot.”

Maybe he doesn’t brake at the traffic light quite as smoothly as he’d have liked after that one.

#ey u got my weak point #i suck at action scenes #idk how he came back from the void #but forking up trevor is fun #writing magic #lmao #writing exercises #i straight up dunno

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blue-likethebird · 6 years ago

Text

Vee El Dee: The Good The Bad and The Ugly

If you’ve ever been on this hellsite, you’ve probably heard of Voltron: Legendary Defender. You’ll find the characters and the ships (and the discourse. Dear God the discourse) in tag after tag and on blog after blog. Now that the show has officially come to an end, I’m reviewing the whole damn thing. Talking about what I think worked, what didn’t, and what exactly the show did to make even the fans look at it so harshly now. (Just a warning “The Ugly” section discusses racism, and homophobia so if any of that triggers you I’d suggest you skip it)

Review under the cut

The Good

The Character Potential:

Voltron’s characters had so much potential at the beginning. Their motivations, potential subplots, and clues to their arcs the first crew left us were actually interesting. How did Coran know Allura before they were frozen? What happened that caused Shiro to lose his arm? Is Lance going to reunite with his family? The show didn’t answer all of these questions mind you, but at the time they were introduced, those questions felt like they were worth sticking around to hear the answers.

The First Season:

The first season is the only season that genuinely sticks out for me, way back in ye olden days when Voltron was a character driven show as opposed to plot focused. In season one, the plot took a backseat and the characters were what held up the show, and it’s probably not a coincidence that most of the character development and more emotional/memorable scenes occurred in season one, when there was time for the characters to develop. Likewise, the character focus allowed for everyone to get their day in the limelight -not just the characters who were valuable to the plot at the moment-.

The Balmera and The Return to The Balmera:

I am never gonna be shy about my opinion that the Balmera arc is one of the strongest arcs that Voltron has had. Allura using the story of her people to inspire others and using Altea’s ancient connection to the Balmera to save an entire damn civilization! The goddamn adorable chemistry between Hunk and Shay! Believable suspense! Unlocking Lion Powers! The Balmera arc had it all and I was fed. Plus, Balmera gave us the introduction of the most blessed couple in Voltron history, hunay.

The Bad:

The Timeskips:

In theory, there’s nothing wrong with a timeskip. But you’ve gotta be able to show that the characters and show’s universe changed in some way during that timeskip and you can’t use them just to avoid actual story and character development. Take season six (? Or was it five? I don’t remember and I don’t wanna) when Keith and Krolia take a two year camping trip on a space whale while Voltron is off doing God knows what. Presumably during that time they developed some sort of mother-son relationship but we don’t get to see that development happening, or how that new relationship changed them, or really any proof that the timeskip happened at all besides Keith getting Galra marks and a teleporting space wolf. That particular time jump felt more like a cop-out to avoid writing Keith bonding with his mom.

Pacing:

To put it plainly, the pace is way too fast for anything to stick. The writing cycles from one season's worth of plot twists and WTF? moments to the next at the speed of light, leaving no time to address how the previous events affected the characters involved or not the show’s universe as a whole. So Lotor was actually evil all along and was using Allura to achieve his goals? Well there’s no time to mention how Allura feels about that, we’ve got three more surprise twists and a magic robot to shove into the plot! On the flip side however, the pacing is slower than a geriatric snail during fight scenes. The giant robot fights are usually the most exciting part of anything, but in Voltron, the fights are so formulaic that they just kinda… blur together into a boring fog. Lemme know if you can name this Voltron fight scene: the team’s fighting some random baddie, there’s a lot of yelling, someone gets a power up just big enough to defeat the current baddies when a bigger, eviler baddie appears who’s more powerful than the power up they just got, new baddie whoops Voltron’s ass, the support team watches in horror, someone else gets a power up that’s powerful enough to defeat the new bad guy, Voltron reins triumphant. What fight scene was that?

The Filler Episodes:

The fast pacing also means that they need to set aside breather episodes just to allow characters to interact besides in battle. That’s all well and good and there’s nothing wrong with filler episodes, if done right they can be some of the most memorable episodes a show can have (The Tales of Ba Sing Se anyone?) that is, if done right. But Voltron filler episodes don’t have that going for them. Filler episodes in vee el dee are an oasis of mud in the desert that is canon, they’re a generally unhelpful standstill point amidst a constantly changing series. I’ll admit that they can be funny at times but for the most part filler episodes are bizarre, unnecessary, and more often than not, poorly timed. If we just heard about a millenniums old empire folding in on itself and we’re just about to see a major character attempt suicide do we really need to see Coran go batshit while planning a space Disney On Ice?

The Ugly:

Racism:

#justiceforallura

I must confess that I am whiter than a polar bear in a snowstorm, but even I know that killing off a black girl (or black coded as the case may be), constantly torturing the Japanese guy, reducing the Samoan guy to food and fat jokes, and having the latino guy flirt with everyone before turning him into a farmer isn’t the best way to handle writing characters of colour. Denying said characters of colour arcs and screen time in favour of giving your white characters the same story in a different hat over and over again is also not the best treatment you can offer your poc characters. That’s not even mentioning other horrible treatment and stereotypes you’ll see the Voltron characters of colour experience. Let us also recall #notallgalra, the “what if the genocide victim was actually the bad guy” au mess in s3, all those “lol lance is stupid” jokes, the black character Kinkade speaking mainly in grunts, Allura dying to redeem the two genocidal dudes responsible for most of her trauma, and Hunk’s (half black half Samoan) family being enslaved at a fucking concentration camp like goddamn what the hell were you thinking Voltron that’s like hetalia levels of fucked up when we remember what kind of genuinely awful shit this show’s done to it’s minority characters.

Homophobia:

If you’re reading my review in the Voltron tag, and you watched the whole series, then there’s no way in hell that you haven’t heard about Adam dying and the backlash against Voltron for it. If you are somehow the .000001% of people who don’t know, Adam (a gay moc) was Shiro’s (another gay moc) fiancé who got a grand total of forty five seconds of screen time before dying when the Galra invaded earth. Meanwhile, L*tor and Allura’s relationship got almost triple that despite being abusive as fuck. But Shiro got married at the end of season 8! In a credits scene, to a guy in the background of a couple of scenes Shiro was also in. When lgbt fans expressed outrage at their rep being hyped up despite having no bearing on the plot or even Shiro as a character outside of one scene, instead of owning up to their mistakes, the crew of Vee El Dee said (or implied) that it was the fault of lgbt fans for hyping ourselves up. Yeah okay. Except after that we got confirmation that Ezor and Zethrid were a couple! Yay! Clearly a win for us El Gee Bee Tees right? Well… not really considering that both of them were depicted as psychotic torturers who also died a couple minutes later. Gotta love those crazy dead lesbians amirite?

Klance:

But why is klance in the “ugly” section!? You cry, I thought you were a klanti! I am an anti and I did ship klance but that’s not what I wanna talk about right now. When I put klance under ugly I wanted to discuss two things, the crew and the shippers. First let’s talk the crew; several folks on the Voltron staff have at the very least, not reacted negatively to the omnipresent ship that is Keith and Lance. I’m sure you’ll also remember that Lance’s VA Jeremy Shada was considered a KICK icon before that went south. The crew was also purposefully misleading when they talked about possible romances for Keith and Lance, the language they used was ambiguous enough that shippers interpreted it as proof that klance would become canon. When it inevitably didn’t and shit hit the fan, the staff backpedaled again. Stating that klance was never meant to be interpreted as romantic and we were all fools for thinking otherwise. That’s happened in the past so it’s a reasonable defence, except for the fact that scenes with Keith and Lance tended to contain unnecessary parallels to canonically romantic relationships, (the bonding moment paralleling an allurance scene in season six and their talk at the start of season eight paralleling two scenes, hunay in season one and l*tura in season five). So it’s not unreasonable to be a little suspicious there. Klance was huge on the internet, it’s impossible for the crew to have been completely unaware of what they were doing.

Next I wanna talk shippers. I’m not saying that being disappointed that a ship didn’t become canon is a bad thing. But when you act like that’s the worst thing Voltron did amidst the sea of ableism, racism and homophobia it gets a little tiring. The fact that so many klancers rushed to demonize Allura after season seven and eight and add on that I saw more people complaining about klance not becoming canon king than Allura dying a completely unnecessary death to redeem L*tor of all people was the final straw. I washed my hands of klance and Voltron as a whole.

———————————————

So that’s my review of V*ltron. I was gonna do a separate review of season eight but I didn’t even finish s8 and to be honest it probably wouldn’t have been any more than the words “Fuck Vee El Dee, Allura Deserved Better” in big pink letters. And I know I probably made someone angry with this review but if you actually managed to stick around my ramblings all the way to the end then I salute you regardless of whether or not you agree with me.

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #v*ltron #v slur #klance #anti klance #(kinda?)#allura deserved better #justiceforallura

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austenpoppy · 6 years ago

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Mental Torture in the Wizarding World (1)

Warning : Very long post. So long that I had to split it in different parts. I have no idea how to make it under a cut "keep reading". Highly Upsetting topics such as self-loathing, madness, suicide and torture.

This post really means a lot to me. It may be one of the most important. Torture is something which makes my blood boil and that I want to fight until I die. So often overlooked or judged necessary, it destroys people. Literally.

Mental torture is a topic which is unfortunately too often overlooked. People often consider that the level of pain is not the same as physical torture, if they even consider that it causes pain at all. Because there is no scar, no mark, no trace on the body, mental torture is less visible - yet minds can be destroyed.

The wizarding world makes no exception. If torture, embodied by the Cruciatus Curse, is loathed, mental suffering caused by psychological methods are barely, if ever, evoked.

But they exist, and they are not in any way less painful than the Cruciatus curse.

Let's agree upon a definition of torture : "United Nations conventions that bar torture refer to it as "severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental," study author Metin Basoglu of King's College wrote" .(https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSN0535973620070306)

This is the particularity of mental torture : it aims the disintegration of the personality : "We conclude by examining the specific evil of mental torture: the merciless attempt to break down and occupy the personality of the victim." (Mental Torture: A Critique of Erasures in U.S. Law by David Luban and Henry Shue)

And for those of you who might doubt that mental torture and physical torture are on the same level : "Sadly, psychological torture can in fact be counted on to cause harm, which is indeed often severe and prolonged. Even worse, substantial research suggests that psychological torture, as well as some cruel and inhuman treatment that might not qualify as torture at all, can cause more severe long-term damage than some physical torture tends to." (same study)

1. The Dementors

I am utterly awed every time a "good" character in fanfiction threatens somebody of being kissed by a Dementor or expresses regret that the Dementors are no longer guardians of Azkaban after the war.

The Dementors have been created by the author to be a symbol of depression. Indeed, they make revive to their victims the worst moments of their lives and give them the impression that they will never be happy again.

However, I have to notice that they are more than allegories of depression. They act like torturers.

A depression is something self-induced, which means that the brain of the person itself is no longer able to grip on good thoughts, but only on the bad ones. It can be expected in certain circonstances : when a person is in mourning, during a burn-out - even if sometimes the burn-out itself can be considered a depression - after certain traumatic events (especially if the person in question suffers from PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), after having been bullied... Or it can be the consequence of life-long insecurities (especially if the person in question has a crippling low self-esteem) aggravated by small or not so small events in daily life. It is absolutely horrible, a daily drowning, the impression that nothing makes sense anymore... It can be helped with medicines and psychological sessions, but ultimately, it is a struggle that the he or she has to do himself/herself. If he or she is not willing to fight against it, you can't do anything (To be clear, I am not making any judgement, I am just noticing that depression is a daily struggle, and a very hard one - because there is no external enemy, the enemy is in your own head). Not to say that depressed people should be left alone - in the contrary, they have to be backed up, loved, to know that people care about them.

But what the Dementors do, the way they harm human beings and other creatures is definitely not something people self-induce. They are external forces, who can act for themselves. And even if the pain they cause leaves horrible lingering effects - we will come to that later -, it is a pain which affects everybody and not just vulnerable people.

This is the description of a torturer, according to an article I found on the Internet (reference : http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2014-12-10/beard-cheney-defends-torture/5957372)/

Specifically, it is defined by an intention to degrade a detainee to a sub-human state in which he or she is morally and psychologically dis-integrated. Torture is an act motivated by a torturous attitude, which means it requires people who are willing - literally - to pull another human being apart."

The worst Dementors can do is to suck the soul out of their victims, which means that they can literally disintegrate their victims'personality, spirit and intelligence and turn them into empty shells (which would be quite a heartwrenching metaphor for people forever broken by torture and mental pain).

This is the description of the Dementors' kiss by Lupin :

"'They call it the Dementors' Kiss,' said Lupin, with a slightly twisted smile. 'It's what Dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. I suppose there must be some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and - and suck out his soul.'

Harry accidentally spat out a bit of Butterbeer.

'What - they kill -?'

'Oh, no,' said Lupin. 'Much worse than that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you'll have no sense of self any more, no memory, no... anything. You'll just - exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever...lost.'"

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K.Rowling

But that's not all.

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope and hapiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory, will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself - soulless and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.

(...)

The fortress is set on a tiny island, way out to sea, but they don't need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they're all trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single cheerful thought. Most of them go mad within weeks."

The first thing I want to notice is that the victims of Dementors go mad from pain. The only other characters we have been talked about who went mad were the parents of Neville. Funny coincidence, isn't it ?

Moreover, what is obvious here is that the "methods" used by Dementors lead to the disintegration of the personality : victims are even described as "soulless", "trapped in their own heads".

Well, that's exactly what mental torture leads to - and physical torture as well, in terms of psychological consequences, according to the study I have quoted above.

Furthermore, it is important to underline that victims of Dementors are left helpless, unable to be happy or hope. Feelings of permanent helplessness are one of the consequences of mental torture.

And they don't have any control over they suffering. They are just a bundle of fears and terrors, unable to control themselves, unable to distinguish reality from what is in their heads. Their nightmares become the reality and the reality is an eternal nightmare.

To quote once again the study above :

"People also often say that what they fear is not so much death but dying. It is one thing to have gone, it is another to continue to survive but in despair and with no grounds for hope. One of the special terrors of torture is that like dying, as distinguished from death, being tortured is a continuing process, not a single event or a final state. It is a process filled with dread, despair, hopelessness, and the awful awareness that one has absolutely no control over one’s own condition. One can try to end the torture by trying to cooperate, but the torturer may well not be convinced and may well not admit it even if he is. Like the flies to the wanton boys, and like us to the gods, in the words of Shakespeare’s blinded Gloucester quoted at the beginning, the victim is the torturer’s plaything. The vulnerability is absolute, and the mental suffering accompanying that awareness is awful."

"One is of course rarely in full control of one’s fate -- the panic at the recent world financial crisis in part reflected many people’s frightening sense of having lost any firm grip on how their lives would go in future. But the fear of a depleted pension is nothing to the fear that one’s own self will be undermined so that one will not retain even the underlying psychological integrity necessary for having desires and beliefs that are one’s own, much less the psychological capacity (the agency) to act effectively on them -- that one will be returned to the infantile state of being an uncoordinated bundle of desires and fears with no integral self to organize them."

"Psychological torture, in contrast, undermines the structure of the personality -- it literally breaks apart the self, unhinging its parts from each other."

Not all the prisoners become mad. Some, like Hagrid, are released because they were innocent. When Hagrid describes his experience in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, he presents anxiety disorders, a typical reaction of victims of mental torture and torture in general (p. 239-240) : just talking about what he went through makes him shiver and cry, and he would do anything to never go back to Azkaban, even if he has to loose Buckbeak (the same Hagrid who made enter an Acromentula in Hogwarts, and bought a dragon's egg even if it is absolutely illegal and dangerous).

Another study I've read, Les pires cicatrices ne sont pas toujours physiques : la torture psychologique by Hernán Reyes (The worst scars are not always physical : mental torture) backs it : "The victims of mental torture have symptoms associated with anxiety disorders."

Moreover, what he says is striking : in his cell his only will was to die to end his suffering, and he had lost any hope to quit the prison.

"Thought I was goin' mad. Kep' goin' over horrible stuff in me mind...

(...)

'You can' really remember who yeh are after a while. An' yeh can' see the point o' living at all. I used ter hope I'd jus' die in me sleep..."

#torture #madness #mental torture #i hate dementors #dementors are torturers and nothing more

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creativebeast18 · 7 years ago

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Robstar Week day 1: Falling Falling for Each Other

Hiiiiii....I’m not late for Robstar week...I was just sent one week into the future!

JK, But I’m happy I could finally finish this! It was very hard to write, and everytime I came back to it, I just kept writing more and more. Thanks to my pal @lightdusk96 for helping me edit this and get the grammar right (I swear I always get one thing wrong and it bothers me to the moon and back). Hope you enjoy!

Summary: two life or death situations lead Richard and Koriand’r to realize their ddep love towards the other.

Everything around him seemed dull. The air, the screams, the blood: he was blind to it. The only thing he cared about, the only thing that kept him sane, was falling. Starfire laid on the hospital bed, connected to various machines, including a respirator.

When had everything gone so wrong? How, after all the preparations, did this happened? Questions clouded his mind now more than any case ever had. It had started as an usual morning in the Grayson household. Richard was getting breakfast ready for his favourite alien, while she slept through the morning. Suddenly he heard what sounded like a blunt object fall to the ground. The neighbours from upstairs, maybe? But the cause was clear as soon as he heard a scream. HER scream.

Richard immediately let go of the eggs he was holding and rushed to aid his wife. The sight that was in front of him shocked him almost as much as the accident that happened during his childhood. It was the love of his life, tears streaming through her eyes, while she layed in a small pool of blood and stretched a hand out to him, to anyone, that could help her baby at this moment. Dick held her hand while calling 911, explaining to the operator that his wife was now in labour, contractions being very close one from the other.

The rest of the day was a blur to him. The only clear memories where of the pain in Kory’s face, how she squeezed his hand for support, and her last words before she was in this state: “I’ll survive this, both me and our daughter”. And then, all the machines started making the wrong sounds. Fast and erratic, while all the doctors yelled. He was soon taken out of the room to wait with his friends and teammates, the last sight of his wife being her, in an induced coma.

This was by far one of the worst experiences he had ever felt. His parents dying? Sure, it hurt, but that time someone else had killed them. Growing up with the most serious and distant man on Earth? Bruce wasn't that bad, and he grew to like him, to the point where he saw him as a father, even. But this? Knowing that the most precious person in our life is hanging on a thread because of something that was partially yours? Heartbreaking was putting it lightly. They knew from the very start that a half-human half-tamaranian baby was something completely unpredictable. They didn't know what could happen to Star, but they couldn't wait to be parents. So they hoped for the best. And that it had been for a while, until today.

There was nothing he could do at this time, except wait. There he was, surrounded by the support of all his friends, yet oblivious to the outside. He felt nothing but loneliness.

She needed to find him soon. Or else, her entire world would crumble around her. After reuniting with her fellow teammates, they didn't even need to state that finding Robin was the top priority . Their best bet at finding him were Star and Raven : they both could fly, but could pass undetected (Beast Boy suggested transforming into a bird or a bug to search for him, but they didn’t let him because Cyborg needed help camouflaging their tracks...and because he was Beast Boy)

But where could he be? All the police reports only lead our female heroines to Shinjuku, but it was so vast, he could be hiding anywhere. While Raven searched the north part, Starfire went over south of the neighbourhood over and over again, in the hopes of any patrol light, any radio communication, any rumor...anything. She knew that maybe he was hiding so well that she would never find him, but she also knew that she would never give up on him, that nothing could keep her apart from him.

Because, even after what he had said, and still debating herself if he had really meant it, she could not give up on this chance of them being together. Even if in the end he said no, for any reason, she would still be beside him. Because Robin was the first thing she knew from this world. Since coming to Earth, Robin was the first she ever trusted, the first she ever cared about, the first she ever kissed…. But (even though the kiss came first) they were most importantly friends. She could never let that go. She would always be a Titan, and she would always help her friends and stay by their side .

Koriand’r seemed so lost in her thoughts that only the loudest siren seemed to wake her up from her trance. She quickly followed it only to find several patrols chasing a single motorcycle. Said vehicle was being driven by a young male with jet black hair. Her breathing almost stopped at the sight of her better half. She tailed the persecution, trying to reach Robin, but he was running too fast for her, and after hours of searching, her energy was almost drained . However, at the sight of her love at the edge of a cliff, she took her chance and dived in, falling to him, so that she could grab Dick’s hand and take off into the Tokyo sky with him.

“It is great to finally find you, friend Robin!” Said Starfire in her most melodic and happiest tone. Richard noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Desperation, fear, and adrenaline were what he had felt for the last two hours, but right now...he felt not only relief, but happiness.

“It’s great to see you too, Star. You have no idea how much I missed you” he said, as tears collected behind his sunglasses. But, after all the confusion he just went through, he knew that flying in the middle of the sky wasn’t his best idea. He would wait first to reach a safe place. So that he could tell her how much he had fallen for her.

Light begun to enter the room, as Kori felt her eyes slowly opening. She noticed that a big shadow was looking directly at her, holding her hand . Surprised, she springed up and sat on the bed, scanning her surroundings. The room was filled with most of her friends and family members. She looked around: Raven, Beast Boy, Cyborg, Kid Flash, Jinx, Blue Beetle and old friends like Batgirl and Wonder Girl were there. But the two people she cared about the most were right by her side. The sight of them was simply overwhelming: her loving husband holding a small baby, cradiling it as it slept soundly , little bubbles forming on the corner of its mouth.

“Hi there, beautiful.” Said Richard, always so charming. “You had me scared there for a second. How are you feeling?” He said, while signaling Raven with his eyes so that she could get the nurse. Starfire lifted a hand and placed it on top of the baby’s head, caressing it softly.

“I told you I would do it”. Although her voice was cracking, she thought that this moment was nothing but perfect, as she stretched out her arms and held the product of their love. Dick sat by her side and hugged her with one arm while using the other to carefully grab one of their baby’s hands. One by one, their friends left the room so that the happy family could have a private moment .

“She is one strong, healthy little girl”, Richard said as he kissed his lover on her head. “What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked protectively.

Kori did not take her eyes off their daughter as she answered “Well, I remember you holding my hand as I felt a contraction, then I think I blacked out. I only heard a very sharp noise, and you calling my name.” As he relieved the memory, Dick squeezed her left shoulder. “ But then I think I had a dream… I dreamt about that time we were in Tokyo. The police was chasing you, and I was trying to catch you. I was just as scared right now as I was back then ” . Starfire looked at her husband, hoping for a different reaction than the last. Shockingly, she found a smile.

Richard just looked at her, staring right into her eyes. “That makes sense, considering”. This confused Kori greatly. Noticing this, he continued “Just before I had to leave, your line fell. Doctor said you flatlined for around 3 minutes. They put you in an induced coma just to be safe, and called me back after an hour to get prepared for the birth. I’m sorry you missed it” He said as he noticed her sad eyes and the pout her lips made.

“It is alright. The most important thing is that she is here, safe and sound. And we could always have more.” She said while sending him a funny look and her mouth forming a sultry smile. They both immediately giggled, as to not wake their newborn.

Dick kept going. “Anyway, I don’t think it’s a coincidence. When you rescued me, I thought that you had fallen from the sky, just like an angel. I remember even being a bit mad at you because you could have gotten shot by the police.” Star was a bit surprised, but she let him go on. “And today the line of your heartbeat fell completely. I think we constantly fall: while saving each other from missions, while facing high risk situations, when we try to save the other...But most importantly, we fall for each other. We fell in love with each other. And just look what that led us to: the most beautiful child in existence...What I’m trying to say is that, we´ll always be there for each other. Kori, you flatlined today, but you did it for our daughter; not that I’m happy about it, but it’s like you fell for her. And I could be back here in time for her when she came, and for you when you woke up. Just like you were there for me in Tokyo. I wish sometimes that our lives were easier, that danger wasn’t crawling in every corner, but I’m sure that, with you at my side, we can face anything. We can fall and come back each time, for each other, and for her.”

After this monologue, Dick lifted up his gaze from the floor, and looked at his wife. Tears were falling from both of their eyes, neither of them held them back. The moment was forever captured with an embrace, and a long-lasting kiss.

When they parted, their baby had opened her eyes, revealing two beautiful emerald irises. She lifted up her arms, and giggled, as if wanting to be part of the hug as well. “What shall we name her, dear?” the alien asked. The couple had already decided on an earthly name, with a touch of Tamaran, but they hadn’t concluded in which one. It wasn’t until Starfire suggested Mar’i that they knew it was the one. They both knew this was everything they ever wanted, and that they would always come back for her. In the end, they would always fall, to hell and back, for each other.

“Now, where’s the doctor?! My wife had a baby and she still hasn’t come here!” Dick springed up from bed and headed to the door, while hearing his wife’s and daughters’s laughter of joy.

#robstar #robstar week 2018 #robstar week #robstarweek #day 1: falling #falling #Robin #Starfire #dick grayson #Kori Anders #Nightwing #Koriand'r #Mar'i Grayson #Teen Titans #DC #dc comics

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impressivepress · 4 years ago

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Charlie Chaplin: to Fight or to Film

Charlie Chaplin was ridiculed and denigrated when he didn’t volunteer to fight in the First World War. It was only after his death that the world realized how great a service he did by choosing the film studio over the battlefield.

The Tramp, Chaplin’s most memorable character which later went on to become an icon of world cinema, hit the screen for the first time in 1914. And it didn’t take long for the character to attract worldwide popularity during the era of silent film.

Be it cinema screen or billboards, songs or comic strips, toys or adverts, the Tramp was everywhere. Crowds would clamor to go to the cinema to watch the character’s antics.

Owing to the widespread popularity of his slapstick, Chaplin became a famed, universally-loved figure of his time at the age of just 25. His films, treated no less than a miraculous medication, were regularly shown to the injured soldiers of the First World War.

The projectors were fitted in such a way as to project their images onto the ceilings of the hospitals, allowing bedridden soldiers to enjoy Chaplin’s films without having to sit up. The soldiers used to forget their emotional and physical trauma once they started watching the Tramp and his gags.

Laughing helped reduce the sufferings of the war-wounded soldiers. As Chaplin puts it, “Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.” Chaplin’s universal medicine of laughter entertained and cured a worldwide audience since it transcended the barriers of language.

It was just a matter of time before the issue of Chaplin not enlisting was dramatically inflated by almost all media outlets. The little Tramp became the favorite target for cartoonists and journalists mainly because Chaplin’s rise to fame coincided with the outbreak of war.

Chaplin, a British citizen working in the US, was ridiculed for not enlisting in either the US or the UK military. The leading media outlets of the time used to call him a “slacker.” The pressure increased significantly after the US joined the war on April 6th, 1917. That was when thousands of people sent angry letters and white feathers to Chaplin to shame him into fighting.

The smear campaign directed at shaming Chaplin for his failure to enlist was spearheaded by British press mogul Lord Northcliffe, the founder of the Daily Mail. Northcliffe reprimanded the actor numerous times in his publications, often demanding his immediate return to Britain.

For instance, Northcliffe’s Daily Mail severely attacked Chaplin in March 1916 for a war-related clause in his contract with a production house, Mutual Film Corporation. The war risks clause noted that Chaplin must not return to his native land for the duration of the war.

Another time, Northcliffe castigated Chaplin in a Weekly Dispatch editorial in June 1917, writing: “Charles Chaplin, although slightly built, is very firm on his feet, as is evidenced by his screen acrobatics. The way he is able to mount stairs suggests the alacrity with which he would go over the top when the whistle blew…

“In any case, it is Charlie’s duty to offer himself as a recruit and thus show himself proud of his British origin. It is his example which will count so very much, rather than the difference to the war that his joining up will make. We shall win without Charlie, but (his millions of admirers will say) we would rather win with him.”

Northcliffe’s aggressive bullying tactics kept intensifying over time. At last, Chaplin had to register himself with the US armed forces to save his reputation. He also gave a whopping $250,000 to the US and Britain for war activities.

Like other British nationals living abroad, Chaplin waited for permission from the British embassy, which supported his explanation, saying: “We would not consider Chaplin a slacker unless we received instructions to put the compulsory services law into effect.” Similarly, the soldiers also didn’t consider the actor a slacker. According to David Robinson, Chaplin’s biographer, the attacks “certainly did not come from servicemen.”

Though Chaplin had enlisted himself for the US military draft, he was rejected for being underweight and undersized. Unfortunately, the slacker attacks still continued, and people kept sending him white feathers.

Chaplin, a confirmed pacifist, later directed his efforts to end the war sooner, especially when he realized how he could utilize his stardom for political purposes. By that time, the Hollywood icon had enough money and a studio to do whatever he wished.

And that’s when his anti-war comedy, Shoulder Arms, hit the cinema. Released in May 1918, the film presented a sarcastic but funny overview of the war. It featured the Tramp in an army camp as an awkward rooky who has to face several challenges in order to survive the deadly trenches.

He is seen battling the dirty mud, the flooding, the persistent fear, and the grossly bad food. The Tramp eventually captures the Kaiser after he disguises himself as a tree trunk and crosses no man’s land in his hilarious camouflage.

Chaplin’s anti-war sentiments only increased with time as his political clout strengthened later in his career. “Though he might make comedy from it,” Robinson writes, “the folly and tragedy and waste of war were always to bewilder and torment Chaplin.”

Besides war, Chaplin also spoke against militarism and nationalism, most famously in The Great Dictator. The 1940 film was seen as pro-Communist propaganda by the critics because it mocked Mussolini and Hitler but didn’t target Stalin. Chaplin was branded Communist and hence began a new struggle – one that wouldn’t leave him until his death.

“I am not a Communist. I am a human being, and I think I know the reactions of human beings,” Chaplin said while addressing the American Committee for Russian War Relief in San Francisco in 1942. “The Communists are no different from anyone else; whether they lose an arm or a leg, they suffer as all of us do, and die as all of us die.

“And the Communist mother is the same as any other mother. When she receives the tragic news that her sons will not return, she weeps as other mothers weep. I do not have to be a Communist to know that. And at this moment Russian mothers are doing a lot of weeping and their sons a lot of dying.”

Chaplin continued suffering denigration and political harassment after the Second World War. His subsequent works criticizing the class inequalities, such as 1947’s Monsieur Verdoux, revived the accusations of Communism against him.

Even though he was never arrested during the Red Scare, he remained under strict surveillance from the FBI for almost 40 years. This reached its peak in 1952 when his entry permit was revoked by the US government, and the actor decided to spend his remaining years in Switzerland.

It wasn’t until after Chaplin’s death when the true value of his service was actually realized. Chaplin was much more useful in the film studio than he would’ve been on the battlefield.

The laughter which his films produced was the much-needed cure for the sufferings of the war wounded soldiers – a cure which helped hundreds of thousands, if not millions, to stay alive and overcome the anxieties of their lives.

~ Mar 17, 2019.

#Charlie Chaplin #film #history article #shoulder arms #ww1 #war history online

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