#Dunechka

[tozuiyon]

(2/3)

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Continuing on the behind the scenes of Crime and Punishment (2007) directed by Dimitri Svetozaeov (Преступление и наказание by Дмитрий Светозаров)…

here is the video that I talked abt in the first post 😭😭 (because I can't post more than 1 in a post).

Also added the vid from the first post - in case you're new to this post ;)

HE GOT THOSE ‘HOLDING AND WAVING THE AXE AROUND’ DANCE MOVES

Fun Fact:

The actor, Vladimir Koshevoy (Владимир Кошевой) who plays Raskolnikov, was suggested to find and listen to music- specified for each episode- in order to get in character and determine the behavior of Raskolnikov.

Music he listened to were 'destructive' (in his opinion and he quotes, "Dostoyevsky should have everything that is, a lyrical waltz, a soul-twisting march, and an incomprehensible creak of something...").

He mentions classical music like; Vivaldi, Schnittke, Gubaidulina, Karavajchuk, Arvo Pärt, etc...

...........Is Madonna one of them?? 😳😳😳 /j

Interview with Koshevoy

god this song slaps so much

i noticed that on Koshevoy’s instagram and vk, he listens to Muse and Panic at the Disco 😭😭😭

I believe that these were the costume tests for the series. They're all so cute sobsosbosbobsob

Somehow I can't find the other actors costume tests :(

that jacket looks so comfy ngl

he got that palmerston hat fit

HES SO FINE

Screen tests!!!!!

THIS SCREAMS 2000s SO MUCH AAAAAAAA

Koshevoy - Raskolnikov with St Petersburg's 'The Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood' behind him..... edgelord.

RASKOLNIKOV WITH A FLIP PHONE BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Potential meme material

I think he's up to something guys 🤔

I THINK THE PHOTOGRAPHER FELL IN LOVE WITH KOSHEVOY LMAO

i'm in love with him too 😳😳😳😳

have no idea what they're doing here 😭😭

he is silly goofy your honor 🥲

hes like me fr

here is some more photos that the photographer took--

AND NOW I HAVE REACHED THE 30 PHOTO LIMIT........

stay tuned for the next post! :D

previous post

[inkedwingss]

Okay, but the drunk young girl Raskonikov sees when he is walking along K— Boulevard is obviously Sonia's prefiguration, right?

[blvdheart]

LOTTIE HII the comment limit kept cutting me off so here’s a guide for russian names :3 using raskolnikov as an example bcs he shows up the most often!!

so, legally, russians follow the first name/middle name/last name convention — ex. rodion romanovich raskolnikov! formally, he is referred to by other characters as rodion romanovich or raskolnikov — calling someone by their first name alone that you know on a professional or impersonal basis is kind of frowned upon culturally (or at least was at the time!)

additionally, he’s referred to as rodya by his mother — characters are often given nicknames by family members to show affection! —ya or —nya at the end of part of the character’s first name is meant to show attachment. by extension, —echka is used similarly, but usually by parents about their children. ex: sofya is referred to as sonya and sonechka by her father!

middle and last names change slightly for girls — for example, raskolnikov’s sister is called avdotya romanova raskolnikova. they have the same middle name because middle names are derived from one’s father’s first name, but different suffixes to indicate gender. same goes for last names!! she’s also called dunya & dunechka as a nickname! ap sesh over :3

EM OH MY GOD I’M SO KISSING YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I LOVE YOU

that’s actually super interesting, like the whole part with the nicknames!! it kept messing with my head while i was reading because i was like wait…are they referring to the same person or are they talking about a completely new person? especially while reading raskolnikov’s mother’s letter

my journal will hear about you now <3 i’m going to write this all down for future reference because i plan to read more of dostoevsky’s books after this

once again, thank you professor em (๑>ᴗ<๑) i would pass all my classes if i had you as a teacher AHHH

[fiction-quotes]

“Is he just asking us out of duty, or what?” thought Dunechka. “He's making peace and asking forgiveness as if he were performing a service or had memorized a lesson.”

  —  Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoevsky), translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky

[mastomysowner]

"Today we received another package from the wonderful artist Junk.komar. We are very happy, such a charge of positivity and joy ❤ Thank you very much for the gift, it really reminds us of Sonia’s beloved Dunechka, and the envelope's design is the cutest thing ❤"

[intergalactic-bean]

neither of these men can possibly fathom how being rude to your maiden of choosing could possibly go wrong for you—

[urfavepegs]

Anonymous submitted:

Dunya Raskolnikov (from Crime and Punishment) pegs

[lil-zi]

Dunechka~

[raskolnikovbaby]

pulkheria: I don't remember raising you to be like this.

dunya: I don't remember you raising me at all!

[prossima-nebulosa]

Despite being slow at reading I can assure you I’m loving Crime and Punishment so much I’m like in love with the characterization of every single character. 

[very-grownup]

"It's not true, I'm not lying! ..." Dunechka cried out, losing all her composure. "I won't marry him unless I'm convinced that he values and appreciates me; I won't marry him unless I'm convinced that I can respect him. Fortunately, I can be convinced of that quite certainly, and even today. And such a marriage is not vile, as you say! And if you were right, and I had really made up my mind to do something vile, isn't it merciless on your part to talk to me that way? Why do you demand a heroism of me that you may not even have in yourself? That is despotism; that is coercion! If I ruin anyone, it will only be myself ... I haven't gone and put a knife into anyone yet! ... Why are you looking at me like that? Why did you get so pale? Rodya, what's wrong? Rodya, dear!"

Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky

[inkedwingss]

Raskolnikov's fever

— an essay on prefigurations in ''Crime & Punishment''

This essay ''discusses'' many characters without providing detailed introductions, so readers who haven’t read the book might find some aspects unclear. However, this shouldn’t significantly affect the overall understanding. Oh, and obviously: this essay contains spoilers.

PART I

With an ''irritable state of mind'', ''so absorbed in himself (...), so isolated from anyone else'' (p. 5), Raskolnikov is an entire generation's timeless mirror, amusing himself with fantasies. ''Just pretty pictures'' (p. 6) for him, harmless thoughts.

He meets the stranger, the drunk man who believes and screams: ''Why should anyone feel pity for me, you say? Indeed! There's nothing to pity me for! I ought to be crucified, crucified upon a cross, not pitied! Crucify him, O Heavenly Judge, crucify him and, when it is done, take pity on him! And then I will come to thee for mortification, for it is not merrymaking that I seek, but sorrow and tears!'' (p. 29)

Marmeladov, whose words are a mystical warning, or a prophetic path for Raskolnikov to walk on, still cries: ''O Lord, thy kingdom comes'' (p. 30), revealing the only hope of a man who knows he can't save himself. Why is always the blackest sheep that adores her shepherd the most, sleeping at his feet after rescue?

Raskolnikov's heart faints, falling gradually, forgetting its own cries for light. His mind is too important. He is so tired from working!

''What sort of work?'', Nastasya asks.

''Thinking'', he answers.

''Nastasya fairly rolled with laughter''. (p. 37)

When the reality of his mother's letter strikes him, what is all that thinking good for? His beloved sister deals with life's business for his sake, while he hides in the shadows of his dreams, distancing himself from objective reality, from virtue, and from life — he exclaims like a victim: [I will] ''(...) turn my back on life altogether! (...) Obediently accept my fate, such as it is, once and for all, and stifle all my aspirations, renouncing every right to action, life and love!'' (p.54)

Well, that is the path he is already on, by his choices. The choices of how he thinks and understands the world, life, and love.

His fate is being made with every single one of his thoughts; thinking and thinking with diligence still doesn't mean you're thinking the right thoughts. One can, and frequently one does, think wrongly. And what is worse: believe its own thoughts as truth!

Where is truth, so we can have a comparison? Raskolnikov doesn't know. He remembers Marmeladov's words:

''For every man must have at least somewhere to go...'' (p. 56)

Rodion meets the prefiguration of Sonia, who also carries something of Dunechka, especially in the way Svidrigailov preys over her. At first, the obvious response to that drunk lady, clearly the victim of some bad-intentioned people, was to ask for the police officer just like he did and to care deeply: ''are we just going to let him get his hand on her? Aren't we going to try to fetch her home?'' (p. 59)

Which suddenly turns into: ''Forget about it! Let him have his bit of fun!'' In an instant, he was ''utterly transformed''. (p. 61)

Does the audience feel disgusted, or do both believe objective morality doesn't exist?

Raskolnikov ''studied intensely, not sparing himself, and for this, he was respected [in the university]; nobody liked him, however. He was very poor and at the same time somehow haughtily arrogant and uncommunicative: as though he were keeping something to himself. Some of his fellow students had the impression that he looked down on them all from a certain height as though they were children, as though he had outstripped them all in terms of education, knowledge and convictions, and that he views their convictions and interests as something inferior.'' (p. 63) For better contrast, we are presented with the description of the good-natured Razumikhin, the humble, at this exact moment.

Raskolnikov thinks: ''Wait for a moment: did I really think I could put everything right just by going to see Razumikhin, find a way out in the person of Razumikhin?'' But he is too proud. He is determined to write his fate, and blame it on circumstance, on coincidence, even on the divine hand, as is common for human beings.

Raskolnikov's soul didn't give up yet, though. He falls asleep, poor feverish creature, sick to the bone, and dreams of his childhood. Isn't it in childhood where all the horror begins?

He sees the old church, that ''he loved'' (p. 68). He sees the little grave of his brother — the shadow of death, also in holding his father's hand. And then is about the old little mare, about Alyona Ivanovna; but does he know that? The thinking mind seems to lose track of what is important, essential, truthful, and real.

''Get in, I'm going to take you all!'' The mare's owner, Mikolka, screamed, leaping into the cart first. ''She eats her oats and gives nothing back! Get in, I say! I'll fly there at the gallop! I'll make her gallop!'' (p. 69)

''He [Raskolnikov] felt towards her [Ivanovna], at first glance, without knowing anything particular about her, an unmasterable sense of revulsion (...)''. (p. 78)

'Papa, Papa!', he cried to his father. 'Papa, what are they doing? Papa, they're beating the poor little horse!' 'Come along, come along!' said the father. 'They are drunk, playing mischief, the fools; come along, don't look!' (p. 70)

''(...) the student had suddenly begun to tell his companion all sorts of details about Ivanovna. (...) 'Only she's a horrible old cow...' And he begun to relate how mean and capricious she was (...)``.

''Little jade began to tug with her might but not only was she unable to set off a gallop — she could barely manage to move forward at all (...)'' (p. 69).

The student said: ''I'd murder that old woman and rob her of all her money, and I swear to you, I'd do it without the slightest twinge of conscience.' (p. 80). Pretty images, harmless. Just thoughts, ideas, vague words — weightless.

Who could measure the intention of the human heart?

''Flog her to death!', cried Mikolka. (...) She belongs to me! I'll do as I like with her!'' (p. 70)

I am her god: her life is mine. My desire is sovereign. I answer to no one: I am the law. I am perfect. I face no consequence! That is the testament of the cruel, twisted hearts, through all generations. I will climb the tower, and sit on the throne.

''Whip her on the muzzle, on the eyes, on the eyes!', Mikolka shouted'.

But young Raskolnikov was crying (p. 71). He escaped his father's grip and ran to her. The mare was flogged and everyone sang a song, while she fought until her last breath, while Mikolka was angry that he wasn't strong enough to kill her with one blow (p. 71).

''and then shall be revealed the Lawless One, whom the Lord shall consume with the spirit of his mouth'' (2 Thessalonians 2:8a, Young's Literal Translation).

''She'll fall down in a minute, lads, it's all over with her now!' one versed in such matters called from the crowd.

'Take an axe to her, for God's sake! Get it over with quickly! cried a third.''

(...)

'Finish her off!' Mikolka shouted, leaping out of the cart as though he no longer knew what he was doing. (...) Mikolka stood to one side and began to beat her on the spine with the crowbar at random. The jade stretched her muzzle forward, uttered a heavy sigh, and died.

'That's the end of her', people shouted in the crowd.

'She ought to have galloped.'

'She belongs to me!' Mikolka shouted, holding the crowbar, his eyes bloodshot.'' (p. 72)

I will do with her life as I please. And so the student kept in the same line of thought, as Raskolnikov still listened.

''I was joking just now, of course, but look: on the one hand you have a nasty, stupid, worthless, meaningless, sick old woman who's no use to anyone and is, indeed, actually harmful to people, who doesn't; even know herself why she's alive, and who's going to kick the bucket of her own accord tomorrow. Do you get my meaning? Do you?'' (p. 80)

Her money could be used for something better. Everyone has being negotiating with her and using her, but no one remembers. No one knows how she got there, was it hard? What did he have to endure? What thoughts hide deep in her heart? Oh, the old lady is a cow, she doesn't have a heart. She is not human.

'One death to a hundred lives — I mean, there's arithmetic for you! (...) common balance? No more than the life of a louse, a cockroach, because the old woman is harmful. She's wearing another person's life out: she's mean: she bit Lizaveta's finger out of meanness the other day; she very nearly severed it!'

'Of course she doesn't deserve to live,' the officer observed. 'But then that's nature'. (p. 81).

In the end, the student would say that it's not his business. But what about the thoughts? Could those words be taken back? Pretty images, harmless. Just silly thoughts and intentions that mean nothing.

Raskolnikov keeps being superstitious, volatile, and influenceable. Oh, if just some day he would notice that he actually doesn't not think by himself, but he is a product of his generation's poor line of thought!

Superstition is the devil's version of faith: why would he listen to that conversation if not by some kind of heavenly sign that he was right? What an amazing coincidence! Maybe it was his destiny! No, he didn't consider that listening to those words could be a warning, a chance to listen to such twisted thoughts from a stranger's mouth and be horrified, so he could then recognize the monster within himself and stop the madness from consuming him.

Back to the nightmare, ''with a howl, he forced his way through the crowds towards the little grey mare, flung his arms round her dead, bloodied muzzle, and kissed it, kissed her on the eyes, on the lips...'' (p. 72) He even runs and attacks Mikolka, ''hammering him with his little fists.'' (p. 72)

''Papa! The poor little horse... Why did they... kill it?'' (p. 72).

His father's answer seems too simple, but it's true: they are drunk, up to mischief. (p. 73). Drunk in their own thoughts, blind and lost. Raskolnikov wakes up from this nightmare and asks himself: will I do it? With the axe? (p. 73).

He asks God: ''Oh Lord, will I really?'' (p. 73).

In the silence, the answer could be an echo. Will you, Raskolnikov?

''O Lord', he prayed, 'show me my path, and I will renounce this accursed.... Dream of mine!'' (p. 74).

But He already did, Rodion.

Foa slaver one moment he was free, in the next, slave of his own desire again. The power of choice is so often underestimated. He searches for the excuse, he walks into the trap only to say it was preordained. The reality of morality is the fact that we have a choice (always). The reality of our helplessness is how we choose.

''Ugh, the way the sleeps!', she [Natasya] exclaimed indignantly. 'He does nothing but sleep, either!'' (p. 82). Rodion's laziness is a portal through were his life and self-control escape. Razuminkhin is always working (serving). Raskolnikov is always tired, self-absorbed, lost in his mind. When he finally finds the courage to eat, his vision of an oasis is not only the answer to his last prayer but also prophetic. He could stay in those warm sands, and make his way to peace much shorter, but the human heart is rebellious, stubborn and arrogant.

He thought about everything until ''he was satisfied'' (pg 86). He found delight in his own plan. Not for one moment did he consider that the previous choices led him to this place. He considered himself smart enough to overcome morality through reasoning. The human mind is above the Natural Law. He was immune to the kind of failure and childish behaviour criminals display soon after the crime. In fact, what he had planned was not a crime. (p. 87) He was the law, like Mikolka. He decides morality. Her life is his to take. ''Flog her to death!''

When the time came, he even thought ''Shouldn't I just go away?'', but he ignored himself. Things were done purposely (p. 92). When the old mare opened the door, his intentions spoke louder than his words: she was scared. (p. 92) And when the axe went down, so was his consciousness. But his soul cried, seconds later, he was deep into madness, considering the possibility that Ivanovna could still be alive, somehow. He, who thought he had everything planned and under control, who wanted to commit his crime so carefully that no blood would stain his clothes, ended up covered in it. (p. 96) Blood stained hands by the murder of the old lady and her child-sister.

''And if at that moment he had been capable of seeing things in better proposition and of making decisions, if he had been able to perceive all the difficulties of his situation, in all its desperate monstrous absurdity, and to realize just how many problems he would have to overcome and how much villainy he might have to perform in order to get out of this place and arrive back home again, he might very well have abandoned the whole undertaking and gone at one to give himself up, not out of fear for himself, but from a simple feeling of horror and revulsion at what he had done.''

But Raskolnikov is too proud to repent, he thought he could do it and leave with clean hands. He thought no one would come, but later he found himself on the other side of the door, on the difficulties of the run, and then he cried: ''Oh Lord, what shall I do?''

You shall not murder.

''The rags and tatters of vague thoughts swarmed in his head; but he could not seize hold of a single one of them, could not focus on a single one of them, even though he tried to force himself to...'' (p. 106).

-

READING MENTION LIST If Dostoevsky or lit essays are not your thing, feel absolutely free to ignore the mention, my beloveds. If you want to join this list, DM me or reply :)

@caustic-splines @hersurvival @icantdance @poetici @informedimagining

@thedayoftherae @sablewing @stumbling-through-time @burntblanc @lelestarmy

@fairytaleinagem @remnantofabrokensoul @yakultstan @illarian-rambling @cssnder

@crow-with-a-typewriter

[incorrectlit]

Sonya: Dunechka! I’m so happy, I could kiss you!

Dunya: Uh...thanks!

*later*

Dunya, lying face down on Raskolnikov’s bed: I can't believe I thanked her, Rodya. Thanked her. She wanted to kiss me and I said "thanks". Why? Because I'm a huge moron.

Raskolnikov, patting her on the back: Don’t beat yourself up over it. Things like that happen. Remember when Razumikhin said he loved me?

Dunya: Didn’t you say “neat”?

Raskolnikov, staring into the distance: I said “neat”.

[betheal]

Crime and punishment live update (chapter 4):

OK HOLD UP THIS IS A LOT.

So basically, Marmeladov doesn't have his shit together, Raskolnikov is a broke would-be law student who had to drop out because he had no funds and loss his job when Russia went through a period of letting people go (job recession?) and he's also kinda hot. He wants to kill a bunch of people not exclusively his landlady, this woman he was pawning items off to, his sister's husband-to-be, and Germans. He's very attached to his mother and sister, but doesn't trust them at all. And FOUR WHOLE PAGES OF A LETTER.

But I love the book so far. Hoping to finish at least 120 pages today and so far I've only finished 57. Onwards to victory.

Also, can anyone tell me why they refer to Sonya as Sonechka at times, then Sonya, and Dunya as Dunechka, then Dunya? Sorry, I'm very confused.

[nuka-nuke]

|Avdotya Ilyinichna Luzhkov-Valle|

|Director of the Institute, Overboss of Nuka World|

Age: 28 (238)

Birthday: October 20th, 2049

Zodiac: Libra

Nicknames: By Nataniel, Dunya. By her mother and father, Dunechka; both are diminutives of her real name. By everyone else, Ilya.

Height & Build: 5'4, 119 lbs. Short and slender

References: Here

Physical Traits: She has tattoos all along both arms and legs, a rose tattoo on her ass, her son's name and a spade on her neck, as well as a huge upside down moth tattoo right below her chest. All of her tattoos were from before the war except for the "N" on her right cheek which was done by herself while mourning the death of her husband, Nataniel. She has freckles across her nose and the tops of her shoulders. She has a scar going across her right eye as well as a huge burn on the left side of her forehead (covered always by her bangs) from a mishap with a poorly made molotov that exploded in her hand.

Before the war, her hair was always dyed black. Now without the luxuries of professional cosmetics, it returned to the very light blonde she had naturally. With malnutrition, radiation, and residual effects of being frozen for 200 years and then exposed to bright sun again, it lost just about all the blonde pigment.

Personality: Ilya was always very charismatic, cultivated by her intense fear of being alone. She can convince anyone to do anything, and still sound genuine and sweet while blatantly manipulating them to do her bidding. However magnetic her personality normally is though, she also has overwhelming depressive spells during which she will drink herself blind and refuse to speak to anyone (but still needs someone with her anyway, lest her abandonment anxiety kick in on top of the depression). These up and down emotions have often been the cause of strife in her personal relationships, but the high is so good that that alone can usually delude people into sticking with her.

S.P.E.C.I.A.L:  Str 4 - Per 7 - End 6 - Cha 15 - Int 2 - Agi 6 - Luck 3

Noteworthy Skills & Perks: Black Widow, Bird Spotter, Locksmith, Ghoulish (The gift of Atom as the Children of Atom call it), Inspirational, Commando

Weapon of Choice: The Problem Solver, a Pack handmade rifle given to her by Mason after she intimidated him into taking her seriously.

Home Region: She was raised in Burlington, Vermont to Russian immigrant parents, but having immigrated when she was only a few months old she doesn't remember anything of Russia. Now she resides in an old warehouse in Cambridge which she has fixed up to be as nice of a home as is possible in a wasteland.

Affiliations: The Institute, Nuka World Raiders. Formerly the Railroad. She still has residual sympathy for synths.

Family:

Nataniel Valle, husband (deceased)

Shaun Valle, son (deceased)

Ilya Luzhkov, father (deceased)

Olesya Luzhkova, mother (deceased)

Associates:

Porter Gage, lover and 'business' partner

Bertrand Watanabe (Birdie), 'ex'-lover

Robert Joseph MacCready, friend of Birdie, hired help for her

Piper Wright, ex-lover

Enemies: Nisha, Preston Garvey, The Brotherhood of Steel, The Railroad

History:

Avdotya was born in Russia to Ilya Luzhkov and Olesya Luzhkova. She immigrated to the United States with her parents when she was just a few months old when her father, a scientist, got a job working for the government. It was difficult for them initially due to the stigma and fear of all things potentially communist, but her father proved his loyalty to America through his beneficial research and willingness to reject his homeland. They lived a comfortable life out of Vermont, with him regularly absent traveling to DC for work. Avdotya chose to call herself Ilya, her middle name being the patronymic of Ilya, for the sake of it sounding more American to her. She was always closer to her mother, who was kind, loving, spoiled her and doted upon her as if she could do no wrong. Her father was strict and cynical, always insisting she could be doing more with her life than making friends, goofing off, and getting tattoos. Because of this Ilya was always striving to win his approval, hoping one day she might be able to be loved by him, or at the very least, accepted. That day never came. He died before she turned 19, still saying he regretted bringing a child into a world he knew would be destroyed.

Ilya met her future husband, Nataniel, when she was 21. She was visiting Boston with her mother, who loved to study classic American architecture, as she was an artist who enjoyed painting buildings more than people. Ilya had very little interest in history but would do anything to make her mother happy, including going on dozens of tours a day of old cities. Nataniel was part of one of the tour groups they took, with his classmates from university, and he caught her eye immediately. While her mother chatted with the guide about 18th century America, Ilya poured on the charm to this tall handsome man. Nataniel was shy and sweet, and quite obviously trying to conceal a slight native Boston accent as they chatted. Ilya loved him right away.

It wasn't long until they began dating seriously, but the long distance was strenuous on their new relationship, especially because Ilya had never been very good at being apart from those she loves for too long. Olesya could tell how important this man was to her daughter, and therefore she was the one who suggested they move to Boston "for her art career". They got married when she was 23, and they remained deeply in love for all five years of their marriage until the bitter end.

More Recent History: After the Great War, Ilya struggled severely with the loss of everyone and everything she ever loved. She knew her son was still lost in this new world, but the depression was overwhelming and debilitating. Her first few days out of the vault included sitting in the dilapidated bedroom of her broken home, holding the note and earrings from Nataniel which was to be her birthday gift, and drinking 200 year old bottles of bourbon. She had the pistol found in Vault 111 placed on the floor in front of her. She didn't want to push forward in this life without Nati, and considered ending it here. But the remaining vision of her son being taken burned in her memory, and drove her to finally motivate herself to leave Sanctuary six days after her 28th birthday.

From then the up and down emotional roller coaster of trauma and BPD continued to disable her. When she was down, she could barely bring herself to move. When she was up she would go days without sleep, living off of Nuka Cola Quantum and bourbon, taking on any crazy task offered and shmoozing people into paying exorbitant fees to get their jobs done. It was during this turbulant time that she happened upon Diamond City, and the first person she met here being a raven haired beauty Piper. Immediately after meeting her, Ilya decided that she would make for an attractive distraction from the war plaguing her mind every day. Piper was strong willed and personable, which Ilya liked about her, and Ilya was charismatic and dangerous, which Piper liked. It didn't take much effort to have Piper wrapped around her finger.

 Unfortunately, Piper fell hard and fast for the prewar enigma. Ilya quickly lost patience for her constant need for affection and reassurance. The relationship became boring to her, and she couldn't care less if it hurt Piper's feelings when she would leave without telling her to go on a bender in Goodneighbor or flirt blatantly with someone else right in front of her. Sooner or later if became too much for Piper to excuse, and they had a hostile split.

 While taking jobs on her own after storming out of Piper's home for the last time, Ilya travelled to Forest Grove Marsh on a quest for radiation healing ferns for the Diamond City local drug dealer. It was here, while balancing on top of hastily laid boards across the roofs of half submerged prewar homes, that she came upon a figure in a gas mask sniping ferals from the roof of an old ammo shop. When she spoke to him after the gunfire ceased, she was vaguely confused as to whether he was joking around, or really just that ditzy. She felt the complusive need to bring him with her, simply because she was worried about his safety being so lost and out in the middle of nowhere, but did not expect to eventually form a strong bond with the younger boy. He was goofy and weird, and made her laugh, which was uncommon for her in this life. He stabilized her and kept her grounded, even though he was only kind of stable on his own. When she had her panic attacks, he was always there to comfort her. And even though he was deathly afraid of germs and touching other humans, eventually he convinced himself  that she couldn't kill him and made an exception for her. They trusted each other with their lives, and barely ever spent time apart from one another, which was an amazing new phenomenon for the sniper who was ostracized from his previous home and abandoned by all those he knew. She couldn't admit it to herself without feeling like she was betraying Nati, but she had fallen in love with him.

  Ilya discovered the Railroad while traversing with Birdie through the prewar historical ruins that used to bring her mother so much joy. They were honest folks trying to make life better for the beaten down synths, and Ilya respected their efforts. Also, they paid well. She joined up as 'Charmer', even though she hated the nickname, and devoted fully into their cause, accepting graciously the help they offered for finding her son. Until she actually found him.

 When she was reunited with Shaun, nothing else mattered to her. She abandoned her new life and poured herself into his. Not once did she return to the Railroad headquarters to report back about how the teleportation had succeeded. She desired only to make him proud of her, like the Grandfather he never knew yet resembled in personality, appearance, and intelligence. She did anything he asked of her, and even though she still had the lingering, gnawing sympathy for the synths, she could never bring herself to do anything to harm what her son had worked his entire life to achieve.

 He asked her to betray her former friends with the Railroad, and she did so without question.

With the passing of her son, Ilya lost all the formulated stability she had worked to achieve. She hid in a dark depression in the Cambridge home she shared with Birdie, refusing to eat or sleep, and drank. She couldn't face the Institute without Shaun. She couldn't even think about it without breaking down. She lost the one thing keeping her tied to Nataniel and her past life, the one glimpse into the old world she loved.

 And then, to top it off while trying to console the mourning mother, Birdie accidentally let it slip that he loved her.  At first, she told him he didn't know what love is, to which he admitted she was probably right, but there was no other person in the world he cared about like her, that he would die for her.

 So later in the night while he slept, she fled. She would not allow another person to love her and die for her to continue on alone. She would not allow herself to admit that she loved him also, and she would not allow herself to replace Nataniel's memory. She ran away without telling him why...

 And ended up in Nuka World. The worst and best place, for someone with no will to live who just wants to watch the world burn. She cut all ties with the group she previously befriended yet rejected becoming general of, The Minutemen, and turned on their leader when he confronted her about her poor choices. From there, she began a whirlwind relationship with her new second in command, Gage, out of lust and loneliness and mutual emotionally destructive behavior, but still never gets sweet little Birdie far out of her mind.

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[itsquotational]

‘They think it can’t be undone; we’ll see about that! What a splendid excuse: “Pyotr Petrovich is such a business-like man,” they say – so terribly business-like, in fact, that he can only get married in a post-chaise or even – why not? – in a railway carriage. No, Dunechka, nothing escapes me and I know what it is you have to talk to me about so very much; I also know what it was you thought about all night long as you paced the room, and what you prayed for before the Virgin of Khazan by Mama’s bed. Climbing Golgotha is no joke.’

crime and punishment, fyodor dostoevsky