#Door ringer reviews

[archeronfilm]

The Fifth Element (1997)

"I don't care, he should have been a butch lesbian."

In case you don't want spoilers, or to hear my long verbose in-detail thoughts on this movie, here's the short and sweet version:

The Fifth Element is raunchy, corny, and campy in all the right ways, and some of the wrong ones. It's far from a perfect movie, but I really enjoyed watching and rewatching it, and I would recommend it! I guess um, 4/5 stars, maybe.

Okay, now let's get serious. I saw the first 15 minutes of this movie while visiting my mother, found it so intriguing that I watched it with a friend, and then watched it again to write this review. Let's get into the meat of it. Spoilers for a 30 year old movie ahead.

Word Count: 6,082

Okay, The Fifth Element (1997), dir. Luc Besson, is a sci-fi comedy starring such greats as Bruce Willis and Gary Oldman, who I've been in love with since I watched Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead (1990).

We open in Egypt in 1914, in a scene I can only describe as "Mummy-esque." Seriously, this scene came on in my mother's living room and I thought we were watching a yet unseen installation of The Mummy or Indiana Jones. It contains, among other things, an incredibly hammy and not-at-all-subtle dump of exposition. They go out of their way to gravitate back to this wall of runes several times, to make sure you know as much background lore as possible. A later scene renders this odd choice kind of unnecessary, but I'll concede its existence for one key reason-- the Mondoshawan.

The Mondoshawan are the good-guy aliens in this movie, though they're only featured on screen two times, one of them being this scene. Their space ship looms awesomely over this strange Egyptian exposition-temple, and they are a star example of one of the best parts of this movie.

All the effects, or at least as many of them as possible, are practical. Of course, it's a movie made in the 90's, so they would be. But the beautifully clunky and real toddling of these men in alien costumes was a dead-ringer for New Who, and it was incredibly endearing to me. I am a major believer in the power and merit of practical effects and the tragedy of computer generation. And this movie is *swimming* in practical effects. It's a delight.

I will say there's this bit where the leader Mondoshawan is toddling towards this very slowly closing stone door and he doesn't make it through because his very slow waddling is somehow slower than the door is, and I think it was supposed to be semi-serious but I laughed at it. It was just a little ridiculous.

The back half of this first scene feels kind of oddly paced, like it's rushed, which is odd to me considering the scene didn't hold back on dumping as much stuff on me as possible just a few minutes ago. Very strange scene, seems to only have one purpose, which I'll get back to later.

So, flash forward 30 years to something dramatically different in aesthetic and vibe, of course. We're in space. We're gritty, we're militaristic, of course. There's an evil fucking orb of fire flying towards the Earth at top speed. Things aren't looking great.

The president, a man with eyes of a frightening shade, is black! This is not plot relevant, but I find the tendency of movies from this period to feature black presidents far before Obama's term to be really interesting. Is this social commentary? A thoughtful statement about how fantastical the idea of a black man in office is to the average American? I will never know. I really like this character, he's a fun guy. He has more personality than most president characters do, probably due to him being on an awesome spaceship with a team of nodding yes-men in a delightfully Star Trek-esque uniform. I like him a lot. He's my boy.

This is the same scene where we get introduced to Vito Cornelius, a priest who appears to be Catholic because he does the sign of the cross later in the movie, even though I definitely assumed he was some weird member of the church of the Fifth Element or something.

Cornelius is here to suggest that the ball of fire is sentient and evil, and that the president shouldn't shoot it with missiles, because it's so sentient and evil that it'll get even sentienter and eviler. Of course, the president disregards this warning, because that's what movie presidents do to random old men in robes.

From this blunder comes one of the many incredibly hard lines in this movie. Where Mr. President tells Staedert, his military commander, "I have a doubt." and Staedert replies "I don't, Mister President" and then presses the fire button on the huge gigantic missiles. It's awesome, only slightly undercut by the fact that it doesn't work and Staedert and his crew get fucking obliterated right after. By the evil sentient ball which shoots out a flare of flames that has an evil spooky skull in it. That's not a joke at all, that seriously happens in this scene. I laughed.

Now we smash cut to Bruce Willis. He's Korben Dallas, this sort of gritty ex-military guy with a very cute cat. I love this cat. She is an adorable, slightly cross eyed white longhair. It's honestly a tragedy and a waste that she was only in like two scenes. She should have been ever-present, fitted with Air Bud esque mouth animation so she could act as Bruce Willis' voice of reason throughout the film.

Korben Dallas is trying to quit smoking. He's a cab driver who's dogshit at driving his cab and is mere seconds away from losing his license. He is, and I quote, "Still stuck on that two-timing slut." He wants a perfect woman. There are about two Chekov's guns in that last block of text.

He opens his first scene with us in what I can only describe as the sluttiest most hot and sweaty chest binder I've ever seen. And a pair of tight belted leather boots that it really seems like he fell asleep wearing.

And then he gets mugged by a guy, presumably so they can show us how much he knows about guns, and that he has been mugged enough that he now has a secret shelf that is just completely full of guns. Hilarious. I love this bit. It's not even relevant, I just loved it.

Okay so the evil sentient ball of fire. We didn't forget about that. This scene is one that confused me really badly during my rewatch. Here, Cornelius explains in full detail and in much less vague terms than before what the Fifth Element does and why they need it to save Earth from this evil ball of fire. This scene renders most of the in-narrative purpose of the first scene moot. The only reason it now exists (other than some background stuff that could probably have been introduced in a less odd way) is to address a more meta issue, which I'll get to later. But while I was watching it, I couldn't help but think "Well... then what the hell were we doing in the desert with Luke Perry?"

In this scene, we get to see the Mondoshawans again for the final time, so we can introduce the bad guy aliens, the Mangalores. They jack the stones (the elements) from the Mondoshawan ship and blow them up.

I thought this scene was supposed to set up the stereotypical "military incompetent" idea that's often present in this type of sci fi, but the president honestly makes mostly good decisions that don't make him feel like a bumbling idiot once through the entire movie. Honestly, he's kind of cool. I like him.

Okay, now that the Mangalores have been tragically exploded, we get the vehicle towards one of our main characters. Using a saved body part from the Mangalores and some utterly and delighfully made up genetic scienceology, we recreated the perfect genes of some alien into... a skinny white girl with the orangest hair I've ever seen. This scene features one of the only costuming choices in the movie that I truly hate. Leeloo's weird strap undies (and subsequent inability to wear normal pants, but mostly these strap undies?). I just hate it. Why is it here. It's not even that sexy looking. She looks like a ham in an asylum.

The set design in this movie is also delightfully Whovian and Star-Trek-ish. Tinfoil walls, lava lamp type sensibilities. The costumes are camp the set is camp, everything is camp. It's an absolute whale. The costumes the policemen wear while chasing runaway Leeloo are just hilarious. Many fantastic choices made all around, except for those fucking weird underpants.

Some of the sci-fi concepts in this movie FEEL overplayed and hammed up, and then I remember that it was released when a lot of this stuff was new and in-vogue, and it becomes an interesting exercise in perspective. Maybe they were pioneers, what do I know? I'm having an absolute ball.

Okay, so Leeloo falls directly through the roof of Korben Dallas' cab, and before you say anything, I do have many choice words throughout this recap/review about the infamous trope borne of this movie, "Born Sexy Yesterday," and I am aware of its existence. These opinions are sprinkled throughout alongside my others.

So Bruce Willis seems to be a big fan of this strange woman who, especially in this scene, acts very childlike. Korben's interest doesn't really read as creepy in this scene, until later when he randomly assaults her. You know, like a creep would do. I digress.

Leeloo knows how to read Roman lettering, and while I understand this choice in this scene, I do think it doesn't make sense and kills a little bit of world building. Whatever. Language guy complaining about language stuff.

Speaking of world building, there are a lot of worldbuilding things conveyed visually and through dialog in this movie that arent ham-fisted exposition vomit, and I am very fond of them. The hitch inside the rear door of Dallas' cab, saying Leeloo "doesn't have a file," the Fog? That is never explained? This world has some suggestion of richness and intrigue that I love to see from sci-fi. They waste no time painting "THIS IS THE POINT" with big red letters, because it's just setdressing, and I think that ultimately makes these details really sing.

I love the dialog and energy in the high speed chase scene, the vertical train, the Fog??? The way this movie doesn't need to explain itself. Until it does explain itself. Blatantly. And then I get sad.

In a lot of ways, I think this movie's actual plot is the least interesting part of it. More on this later.

It also *really* seems like this movie was sponsored by McDonald's.

A nearly unconscious Leeloo begs Korben Dallas to take her to Cornelius, before passing out with such cartoonish vigor that I originally thought she was kidding.

So Korben takes Leeloo to Cornelius' apartment, getting originally turned away for being mistaken for newlyweds (barf). Instead of knocking again, he just kicks down the door. Cornelius realizes due to a tattoo on her inner wrist that she's the Fifth Element (!) and passes out. Korben places her on the couch.

Now, I don't really understand why Korben Dallas chooses to sexually assault Leeloo by kissing her while she's unconscious in this scene. It not only feels gross, it also feels kind of unprecedented. They've met once, had approximately the amount of chemistry you'd expect, and then she passed out. Maybe in the 90's this felt spontaneous and romantic, but to me it just feels like he did it for no reason. I wish she had actually shot him. Thankfully, her outburst of rage at this momentarily makes her feel a little less like a literal grade-schooler, a much needed respite.

Milla Jovovich does what I think is a pretty good job at keeping her pronunciation of the divine language consistent throughout the scenes where she speaks it. She's Ukranian-American, but I have no idea if she's bilingual or had an accent coach or something. Either way, well done Ms. Jovovich!

Anyway, Cornelius walks in having suddenly changed into these silly ass robes, a great sight gag, and kicks Korben out of the room, but not before he reveals that the words that Leeloo yelled at Korben meant "never without my permission," which really made me wish she had shot him *twice*.

The scene where Korben talks to his friend, Finger, about Leeloo was clearly supposed to be romantic, I'm sure. It actually makes him look like a freak. I hated him for much of this movie.

Now, Back to the Mangalores. The Mangalores are a warrior race who have been hired by the big evil of this movie-- Gary Oldman. For some reason, they decided to make him southern. Not that I'm really complaining, but characters in this movie seem to have accents for no reason, and I really love it.

I love Gary Oldman in this movie. His character, Zorg, is fitted with one of the most ridiculous wardrobes of the entire cast. He has this odd plastic cap on his head, a flaccid mohawk, and the filthiest facial hair possible (a soul patch). He is fucking awesome. I love Zorg.

Spliced between parts of this arms deal, we learn that the stones aren't in the case. Leeloo tells Cornelius that in case they were stolen, the stones were given to someone trusted by the Mondoshawans, but not before changing clothes in front of him and his apprentice. I swear, she does this like three times in this movie.

The cut back to Leeloo in this scene right after Zorg realizes the box is empty is really well done. Effective, funny, punchy. She laughs like a freak, it's great.

There's a bit of dialog Zorg has with his right hand man right after this failed arms deal where he talks about his philosophy around warriors and why he prefers killers. I love this bit. The way he just coldly leaves them with a bomb built into his holy-overkill-gun is hard as shit, and it gives us a nice insight into our villain in the first scene he's in. I like it. I like Zorg.

Speaking of Zorg, we get a proper introduction to him just after. Here is one of the most interesting scenes in this film, where we get some insight about Zorg and Cornelius' respective opinions on life and death.

The interesting thing about this scene is that I kind of agree with Zorg, his saying that death exists to create life for the living, ostensibly feeding the cycle of life and progress. Regardless, he is painted as stupid when Cornelius has to rescue him from choking on a cherry.

And why the hell would you ever put a whole cherry in a glass of water? You're basically asking to choke to death. And Cornelius has a point, why don't you, a guy who has a special button to unearth his bizarre elephantine freak creature from the secret drawer in your desk, have a special robot to smack you on the back when you're choking? *Especially* when you do dumb shit like putting whole pit-in cherries in your glasses of water? Answer me that, Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg.

Actually, I don't know how this bit is supposed to disprove Zorg's point. All it really proves is that people need each other sometimes, which has nothing to do with what Zorg was actually saying to Cornelius here. Now, we could argue that it goes against the way that he executes this philosophy, which is true, being that he is a weird freaky villain who has henchmen, but I don't want to argue that. Because the fact that they have this strange sum-zero philosophical argument where they're ostensibly not even talking to each other is way funnier.

Right after this there's a bit where he sends his right hand man to literally bug the space-oval office. As in, it's a cockroach with a little camera and microphone on it. This bit is super funny. No thematic relevance, I just loved watching the president fucking cream the roach with his shoe while Zorg's henchman writhed in pain from the mic feedback.

The next important scene, by which I mean the next scene, starts with a healthy serving of "Sci-Fi setting that is weird about Asian people." Get behind me, Mr. Kim, this movie doesn't respect you enough.

Anyway, Korben's hilariously young adult-sounding mother calls him on the phone to bitch at him insanely about how he never calls and gives us a key piece of information-- Korben has won an all expenses paid trip to Fhloston Paradise! This coincidentally is where Leeloo told Cornelius the person with the stones was. This contest was actually alluded to on Korben's television in his first scene as well. This movie is very, *very* good at setup-payoff. Lots of domino situations.

Korben professional-improvs his way out of a police confrontation (organized by Zorg) just to get walloped over the head by Cornelius, who intends to steal his tickets so he and Leeloo can save planet Earth. In the process, he also puts his former superior officer in a freezer. Everyone wants Korben's sweet sweet bod in this scene. It's really something.

There's a couple of details about Korben's character and his relationship with Leeloo in this scene that jumped out at me, and I will be addressing them alongside the others of their ilk later in this review.

Cornelius hatches a plan to make his apprentice David impersonate Korben so they can get to Fhloston. It doesn't work, of course, because this movie chose to represent being knocked out the most realistically I've ever seen in a blockbuster flick. Korben is only down for the count for a second or two, which means he caught up with them and pulled some more startlingly effective improvisation out of his ass to get on this flight with Leeloo. It's really remarkable how good this ex military guy is at improv. Get his ass behind a mic. Get Korben on Whose Zorg is it Anyway, and pay me royalties.

I have a note here that just says "Everyone in this movie wears what I can only describe as rave wear. It's pretty hilarious." I have nothing to add. That's accurate.

So they're boarding this flight, right? And here's a real doozy. 1 out of 2 of my impassioned rants on one specific character in this movie who we meet in this scene. Ruby Rhod. Ruby ffffucking Rhod.

I actually *need* to talk about this guy. He is like the Prince of outer space. His scenes where he does his talk show are mesmerizing, zany, all over the place. I felt like I was having a nightmare. He's fascinating, fabulous, flamboyant, some other f word that I'm choosing not to say right now. His use of "green" to mean "good" is just perfect. Korben's completely dodgy and stiff responses are honestly the perfect contrast to Ruby in this scene. They're foils. This scene has captivated me. Ruby prowls around while tiger growling noises play in the background and flirts with this random stewardess ON AIR, inches from her face with the mic separating their mouths, promising to have sex with her later. ON AIR. It's implied that this is a normal thing that is acceptable on his show.

Ruby also has a whole gang of yes men, all of which are only slightly less flamboyantly homosexual than he is, but still feel more explicitly homosexual than Ruby, who has sex with as many women as he can possibly manage, which seems to be many, because every woman who mentions his name in this movie appears to cream their pants if he so much as breathes near them. That girl he flirted with? She moaned and collapsed on the floor right after.

The scene after the show, where Korben Dallas pins Ruby to the wall and threatens him, would have been beautifully compelling if Korben Dallas was a butch lesbian. This is the furthest thing from thoughtful character analysis, I just would have liked it more.

It's implied in the following scene that Ruby has only ever really wanted to fuck aliens before meeting this random stewardess, and we get to watch a very cleverly compiled set of scenes from wildly different locales that all fit together. Ruby having sex with this stewardess, the ship taking off, and Zorg blowing up his right hand man for failing him. They also use the Wilhelm scream in this scene, but given that the movie was made in the late 90's this is par for the course, and is really much more tasteful than usual.

For some reason, rasta(?) music is playing. There is a vaguely rastafarian man in this scene, but only for around 12 seconds. The use of regionally and culturally specific music in this movie that has no bearing on the actual space the characters inhabit is absolutely fascinating to me. There was some music earlier, playing in sci-fi New York, that I swear used a Raga scale. All the music is very good, good job Éric Serra.

After Zorg finishes exploding his frankly very competent right hand man, we get a scene where we discover that he's after the stones because some man he's working for, Mr. Shadow, wants them. Zorg is the main antagonist for most of this movie. Mr. Shadow never comes back again, and we do not need him. All he really serves to do is to make Zorg look more pathetic and give him an excuse to be more desperate when he can't get his hands on the stones, which, while fine, I think the movie could have gotten away with just having Zorg being a dramatic villain who freaks out when he doesn't get his way without this bit. Not egregious, but not really a necessary scene.

Okay, I have a big question. Why is Fhloston paradise Hawaii? It just *is* Hawaii. Did Hawaii escape to a separate planet at some point? Good for them, except that Fhloston is still a crazy tourist spot full of annoying white people, so not really. This is just Super Mega Hell 2 for Hawaiians. The song they sing in the first Fhloston scene is really good, though. Thanks, Éric.

On the topic of Fhloston, I really love the use of color in the set. Given the way the rest of this movie is, it's possible that it's more for visual contrast and not theming, but there is a scene during the opera performance that switches between complements, and the visual contrast is, well, good.

Speaking of the opera, Korben has front row seats, and its 5pm. You know what that means.

It's fucking Ruby Rhod time, baby! Ruby is back in black, in the most fantastic costume in this entire movie. Despite it showing off his entire clavicle (no exaggeration), it manages to get more and more revealing as this scene plays out. This bit where he asks Korben if he's happy with being on Fhloston in his usual over the top, loud, flamboyant way and Korben looks into his eyes, leans into the mic, and says "Thrilled" drolly is a short interaction so packed with sexual tension that I can't even argue for it without just telling you to watch the scene. This is their only interaction that really FEELS like gay sex, and it made my jaw go slack for a couple of seconds, even as the movie immediately moved on to the much more important opera segment.

Speaking of the opera, for real this time, I have one complaint. It's an annoying complaint that nobody ever wants to hear, but I'm saying it anyway because that's what I'm here to do: Diva is *not* singing. Now, maybe in some later movie review we can learn my detailed opinions on live recordings of singing performances in film (short version: I don't think they should happen, and I hate them) my main complaint is mostly that Diva's actress is just not very good at *pretending* to sing, much less opera. She doesn't pretend to breathe, doesn't try to move her mouth with the incredibly strong vibrato (understandable to some extent) but most of all, her mouth shapes just aren't right. I can concretely point to certain mouth shapes and say "that's not the shape her mouth should be when singing that vowel," it's obvious enough that I can do that. Granted, I have some experience in singing on stage, so maybe that's just my personal annoying musician experience speaking, but it was really noticeable to me. Okay, annoying complaint over, now I can say nice things

This opera, Lucia di Lammermoor with a poppy remix track towards the end, is ridiculously well performed. Diva's vocalist, Inva Mula, does a stunning job at both the formal and informal portions of this song. It's actually amazing how little of her voice had to be computer edited to sound more "alien," it's only done like twice in the portion that it's done at all, and the rest is pretty clearly just her. She really knocks it out of the park here.

The movie does something interesting here that I really enjoyed, where they periodically show us different characters reactions to this opera. Mostly Korben and Leeloo. I want to focus on Korben, who looks at Diva like this is the first time he's ever been moved in his life. Seriously, his eyes are wet and shining with unshed tears and I really mean that. Right when we get this poignant reaction out of Korben, the pop track starts playing and the somber moment abruptly ends, which is kind of what it's like watching this movie, or clicking on a Read More and discovering a film review that is easily over 5k words.

This movie has a great penchant for match cuts. Actually, most of the transition and shot choices made in this movie are really top of the line. They're all punchy, sharp, playful, to the point. Fantastic cinematographic choices, guys.

Diva finishes her performance right after Leeloo finishes fighting Zorg by getting shot at while up in an air duct. The opera is then laid siege by the Mangalores, who brutally murder Diva. This is sad for me, because I wanted her and Leeloo to be friends, and for Korben Dallas, who just felt the strongest emotion he's ever experienced thanks to her.

Ruby, of course, continues reporting on his talk show throughout the assault, because he's a goddamn professional. He also spends the next scene and a half shrieking in fear.

The reveal that the stones are literally inside Diva's body not only makes me watch one of the more disgusting scenes in this movie, it also makes me wonder-- Was Leeloo just supposed to kill her? Also, how did they get in there? Many questions and no answers, because we aren't here to fuck around.

While Diva is giving Korben this weird spiel about how Leeloo needs him and his love to survive, there's this brief cut to Leeloo, bleeding in the air vent. This cut is an absolute pang to the gut. She sits, curled up, alone, sobbing painfully with a bullet wound in her leg. She looks small, helpless, childlike in this brief scene. It was so impactful to me that it just made me angry about the way Korben and Leeloo's relationship in this movie is executed. This is another "get back to it later" thing.

For the rest of this "getting shot up by Mangalores" scene, Ruby Rhod is cowering and sniffling and screaming for Korben to help him. It's honestly like this for the rest of the movie. They're just friends now. It's awesome. I love this guy. He accidentally shoots a guy in the head and then asks Korben "You think he'll be okay?" He's the best character in this movie.

We get one of Korben's final fantastic moments of improv in this scene. It's around this point, during the "negotiation" scene, that I realized that the problem with this movie is that the best parts of it are the parts that aren't about the two characters who I'm supposed to care about the relationship between.

This scene, where Korben gets in a fighter jet, says it's just like driving a cab (a contrast from his conversation with Finger in his first scene, where he says driving a cab is easy because he isn't driving a jet) and then blows a fucking hole in the airlock and guns it out of the Fhloston ship, is so fucking cool. I'm a very simple man. It was awesome. One question, does Korben have some kind of allergy to reminding people to put seatbelts on? This is the second time he's just allowed his passengers to fly around the cabin while he drives recklessly.

Ruby's show ends at 7pm, when he tiredly proclaims that it's the best show he's ever done. I was thinking the same thing. In fact, Mr. Rhod, I really think you should hire Korben. There, now he has a new job.

Right here is where I'm going to address one of my main points (gripes) about this movie. Yes, I know, over 5k words in.

This part of the scene, where Leeloo has her weird crisis of faith about the evil of the human race, learns about war and concludes that humans aren't worth saving, falls flat to me. Sure, it feels over-played, but ultimately the problem is just that it's not done well, much like the rest of her characterization. Leeloo's depiction as being naive and childlike, which honestly only holds because she doesn't really speak fluent English, holds back her character because of the movies comphet insistence that her and Korben be romantically involved. A narrative where Leeloo, naive and unfamiliar, Leeloo, who needs other people, who sobs painfully alone in an airvent, who needs to be dried off with a towel after getting soaked with water, is actually a child, would be more compelling. And her not being able to reconcile with the evils of humanity would also have felt more convincing if she was literally a child. Like, of *course* she can't see the situation with any nuance, she's a kid. A narrative where Leeloo and Korben's dynamic is more familial would be more interesting, and honestly the way she's characterized already lends itself so perfectly to this narrative that there were points where I got actually upset that the movie refused to go that direction.

I'll go ahead and talk about Korben's character here as well. Korben is a refreshing detraction from the classic grizzled tough guy trope that we tend to see in action movies. Whether this is a result of 90's zeitgeist or just the writer's own preferences, I don't know, but I noticed it. I was expecting Korben Dallas to be a sort of obnoxious, emotionally stunted brick wall of a guy-- but he isn't, really. Korben is quick on his feet, improvisational, messy, and sure he's genius with a gun, but he's also *nice*. He's nice in a distinctly not "Grizzled emotionally stunted guy" way. When he accidentally gets Leeloo soaking wet, he gets her a towel at warp speed, apologizes up and down in a much softer tone than he ever uses for anything else. I thought at first "of course, because he likes her," but then-- Then! When he discovers that he's accidentally plastic-wrapped Cornelius, he rips the plastic and apologizes-- in the same sort of tone. He adapts his approach to the Mangalore barrage in the cruise ship to Ruby Rhod, never complains about Ruby being a nuisance or being in his way, just brings him along and asks him to help out. I honestly really like Korben Dallas. Which is why, upon reflecting on earlier scenes in this movie, it really irritates me that he just kisses Leeloo for no reason, or even that he's in love with her at all.

That scene I mentioned, where Korben dries her off, or even as early as the cab scene where she's talking animatedly to him in the divine language and we get the "bada boom" dialog, just oozes a kind of gentleness and care that doesn't speak satisfactorily to romance or sex. Leeloo, this childlike character, and Korben, this gentle man who happens to be great with guns, don't feel like husband and wife. They don't feel like sexual partners. He feels like her father. That moment with the shower soured the rest of their dynamic for me during my rewatch, because I kept thinking about how much better it could be. That dynamic, as I've already said, would have been deeply compelling, especially given the final reveal of the movie.

Now that we've escaped Fhloston, we've headed back to the temple in Egypt. This is that meta function of the first scene I said I'd address-- without it, there is no sense of a sort of circular journey the film takes. The film establishing this temple *is* important, because otherwise this scene where we return to it just wouldn't land as well. That said, I do still think the first scene is a little odd and clunky. Then again, so is much of this movie, and it's still a good scene.

Our characters spend a frustratingly long time decoding a "riddle" that Leeloo tells Korben, one which was so simple that I was yelling at my laptop the first time I watched it. We get another very gratifying and subtle payoff from an earlier scene where we see Korben has only one match left, which he needs for the fire stone. Earlier, we see him subtly take his penultimate match from the box. This movie's Chekov game is crazy.

Much like this review, Leeloo says something that feels deeply substantial nearly 2 hours into a 2 hour long movie. She says "I don't know love. I was made to protect, not to love. There is no use for me other than this."

This line is so compelling to me. It's the most CHARACTER I've seen from her in the whole movie, and its 2 hours in. We do not get to explore it.

You might have noticed, based on this line, what the Fifth Element actually is. What Leeloo needs in order to activate her Element and shoot the big fuckoff laser into the evil fire ball.

Its ~Love~.

This is, of course, ridiculously corny and requires them to kiss nasty on the mouth for longer than I would have liked to see (Of course, I would have like to not see it at all).

I don't actually mind this conclusion or the theming. It's silly, but so is the whole movie. But you might, like me, see an issue here.

If we had approached this movie the way I so desperately craved, made their dynamic more familial, made Leeloo a child and given Korben a new weird alien daughter, this conclusion would have been leagues more powerful.

Not only would it be a unique approach to what is usually a very hetero and sexual genre, it would have given a much more gratifying conclusion to Korben's character arc. At the beginning of his arc, Korben talks about how he's looking for a perfect woman after his wife left him. In the movie, Korben just... *gets* the perfect woman. He gets exactly what he wanted and he learns nothing. If Korben instead had to reckon with this new facet of his life and identity, had to reconcile with being thrust into quasi-fatherhood, he might actually have deigned to, you know, *develop* as a character. He would have *learned* something. I'm not saying every single character in the movie has to learn something, but the main goddamn character probably should, right?

But since it's an ~adult movie~ for ~grown ups~, we can't tell compelling family narratives, and the movie has to end with them having sex in a reactor pod. I hate that. I hated that conclusion and my least favorite part of this movie was its main conceit, which was genuinely tragic given how enjoyable I found the rest of the film.

So, I'll leave you with this.

The Fifth Element (1997) is a *good* movie. It's incredibly fun, zany, raunchy, and lively. The music is very good, the costuming and set design is whimsical and fantastic. It's a little weird about Asians. It birthed one of the worst cinema tropes ever invented, and it didn't even have to, because the movie would have been really, deeply beautiful if it hadn't.

And Korben Dallas should have been a butch lesbian.

Actually, I'll leave you by saying that the song that plays in the credits of this movie is really good. "Little Light of Love," it's called. I'm going to link it so you can experience it, too.

[realtorjamier]

20 Tips for Safe Trick-or-Treating!

Halloween is supposed to be spooky, but make sure your Halloween is scary for all the right reasons. Trick-or-treating is fun, but it’s also an evening fraught with danger. Here we offer 20 tips for more fun than fright this trick-or-treat night.

Plan your route. Make sure you are familiar with the neighborhood. Use sidewalks, paths, and crosswalks. Avoid backyards, shortcuts, and alleys.

Watch the weather. A surprise thunderstorm may add to the ambience of a haunted Halloween, but it will also add slippery walkways, reduced vision for motorists, and a threat of dangerous lightning strikes.

Stay bright. Keep to well-lit areas (i.e., street lights if possible), and arm kids with glow sticks or flashlights so they can be seen by drivers. Adorn costumes and bags with reflective tape. Only visit homes that have front porch lights on.

Stay outside. Children should only accept treats on the doorstep – never inside a home.

Check your child’s treats. Remove any candy that has loose or opened wrappers (or no wrapper at all). Watch for choking hazards for young children. Discard candy that has unfamiliar brand names. Remember to check carefully for ingredients that may be allergens for your child.

Maximize visibility. For children’s costumes, opt for face paint vs. masks. Masks might obscure a child’s vision. Hats, scarves, and wigs should be tied securely so they won’t slip over children’s eyes.

Make costumes safe. Choose costumes that won’t cause falls. Shoes should be secure. Hemlines should be well above the ground. Also choose flame-resistant fabrics. Use non-toxic makeup and test ahead of time on a small patch of your child’s skin. Avoid sharp accessory objects such as pretend swords. Even plastic toys can be sharp or tripping hazards.

Accompany your kids. Adults should supervise kids under the age of 12. For kids over 12, make sure they travel in groups and establish ground rules. Know the exact route they plan to take, and turn on their phone tracking. Review with children how to call 9-1-1.

Tuck cell phones away. Cell phones are a great tool for safety, but everyone needs to have their eyes on the road. Keep ringers on, but keep phones in pockets.

Walk, don’t run. As exciting as this night is, try to keep children energy reigned in for the sake of safety.

Be mindful of health. Make sure your child has a good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating to discourage eating candy all night long. Make sure your child knows they are not to eat anything until you have checked all the candy at home in the light. Try to ration treats over the days following Halloween. This is a great opportunity to teach your children the importance of moderation.

If you’re at home giving out candy, here are things you can do to keep your trick-or-treating visitors safe.

Lock up pets. Keep family pets away from the front door, for their safety and for the comfort of your guests. You also don’t want an open door to become an escape route for anxious animals. That could become a Halloween nightmare.

Clear a path. Make sure front walkways are unobstructed to avoid tripping hazards. Sweep wet leaves away.

Light up. Make sure porch lights are kept on. This will help little goblins see the way and let them know you’re open for business.

Fake your flames. Use battery-operated candles in jack-o-lanterns to avoid inflaming guests.

Offer non-candy options. Many parents will appreciate non-sugar alternatives such as pencils, bookmarks, stickers, glow sticks, etc.

If you are driving during Trick-or-Treat times, follow these precautions.

Turn on headlights early. Most cars have headlights that turn on automatically at dusk, but try to turn on your headlights even earlier.

Slow down. Drive very slowly and be especially alert for excited children who may dart out unexpectedly.

Use extra caution. Be especially aware at intersections and while pulling in and out of driveways, but children also may seemingly appear out of nowhere.

Locate your car’s emergency lights. Use caution blinkers while dropping off or picking up trick-or-treaters.

[razzle-zazzle]

Whumptober Day 10: can't you see that you're lost without me?

"You said you'd never leave." (loosely) + Broken Phone

2913 Words: Sit Still, Look Pretty

TW for kidnapping, forced helplessness, and implied drug use

AO3 ver

Carrie checked herself in the hallway mirror one last time. “Everything looks right…” She muttered. There were no wrinkles in her skirt and blouse, no smudges in her makeup, not a hair out of place. She smiled at her reflection.

“Ready for the day, ready for the world!” Carrie sang. She pulled on her jacket. It was going to be chilly, today, so she tucked her hair up into a beanie and wrapped her scarf around her shoulders. Picking up her purse and box lunch, she pulled out her car keys and stepped into the garage.

One short drive later, and she was pulling into the parking lot for city hall. It was a little bigger than she would have liked, but with the number of people working hard here it could hardly be called oversized.

Carrie’s heels clicked across the pavement, the chilly autumn air nipping at her hands and face. Hm. Maybe she should have brought a pair of gloves, as well…

Well, either way, it was too late to go back for something as simple as gloves. She had a job to do, after all.

She greeted the receptionist in the lobby—Greta Ditlinger, who was cradling her coffee cup as though it might ward off all the evils of the world—with a cheerful “Good morning!”

“Someone’s perky today.” Greta mumbled. Carrie paid the woman’s tone no mind; Greta simply wasn’t a morning person.

Carrie turned down the hall, passing by the offices of her fellow council members. Most of their doors were closed, though it looked like Scott was in.

“Good morning, Mr. Gilmore.” Carrie leaned into the open doorway, “Hard at work already, I see!”

Scott looked up from his desk with a smile at the sound of Carrie’s voice. He waved back, the stack of papers floating next to him waving with him. “Carrie Callaghan!” He put his hand down, and the papers went back to hovering around him. “I’m a little swamped, but I’ve got it all in hand! You?” He chuckled at his own joke, and Carrie giggled.

“Oh, I’ve been having the most wonderful morning,” Carrie replied. “Sunshine and smiles the whole way here!” She stepped back, “I won’t keep you from your work, though.”

Scott nodded. “Of course. Sunshine and smiles!”

Carrie’s steps carried her further down the hall to her office. Sunshine and smiles. If there was ever a phrase to capture the spirit of Pleasantville, that would be it—at least, it was what Carrie wanted the most for her community. Somewhere warm and loving, where the people helped each other out purely because they could. A community like that, where everyone worked together—if Carrie wanted to do one thing for her town before she went out, then that was it. She’d reorganize this whole town if she had to, upturn every old and outdated system in pursuit of her goal.

And indeed, as she unlocked her office and made her way to her desk, her mind was already going over everything she’d need to do today, organizing her tasks based on priority. She needed to review the finances for the upcoming Autumn Leaf Festival, make sure the local farmers would be well-compensated for the corn maze and hayride, as well as for providing all the pumpkins for carving. Halloween was on the way—they’d have to do a check of the streetlights and make sure that the neighborhood decorations were up to code. Carrie needed to review so many different things, not to mention any unexpected happenstance that could come up out of the blue—

And she still needed to fix the phone on her desk.

It had been broken for about a week, now, the speaker blown out and the ringer making an awful rattling noise. Carrie was no electrician, but with all the local ones tied up checking lights, her phone had remained broken. It certainly got in the way of her work—she’d been leaving her office door open, to compensate, and having her calls forwarded to Greta. It was a makeshift solution, to be sure, but it was working. For the time being.

Carrie pushed those thoughts aside and settled into work. These finances wouldn’t review themselves, after all!

+=+=+=+=+

City hall was a demanding job. There was always something to do, some issue to review or some event to plan or some form to fill. Even if Pleasantville was a small town, it had such a vibrant community that slacking on the job was simply unthinkable to Carrie. This community always gave so much, it was only fair for her to do the same.

That didn’t mean Carrie didn’t get tired, though. So when the time came for her lunch break, she pushed all her thoughts of working to the side, and pulled out her box lunch. Once she finished eating, she pulled her coat and scarf back on. Carrie decided to forgo the beanie for the time being—the air had warmed enough that she could get by without it for her after-lunch walk.

With that, Carrie headed straight for the park. It was a quaint little thing; a small playground surrounded by blocks of grass and trees just across the street from city hall. The whole of the park stretched further than that, walking trails and benches arranged all throughout. Carrie always took her after-lunch walk there, strolling past the playground and under the trees.

There weren’t many people out when Carrie got there. It was a cold day, after all, all of the trees close to bare. The wind nipped at Carrie’s face as she walked, and she pulled her scarf up a little higher. After a moment’s thought, she tucked her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

The cool, fresh air and the rays of sunlight were a balm for her scattered thoughts, clearing away all of the little worries in the back of her head. Truly, there was no season better than autumn. The leaves were an explosion of warm colors against the cool blue of the sky and the still green of the grass, a veritable rainbow filling the world around her.

There was so much she needed to do, all the time—

But out here, with the fresh air, Carrie could pretend all her worries away. Out here, where she could see the fruits of her labor, where the world itself seemed to hold in quiet contemplation—

Carrie breathed in slowly. Sunshine and smiles. Pleasantville always gave her so much—she couldn’t help but give back as much as she could in return.

The edge of the park near the street had a small fence separating it from the sidewalk; Carrie’s work. It wouldn’t do to have children wandering from the playground to get hit by cars, after all. It was a white picket fence standing at waist height for most adults. Time and the elements had dulled the shiny white paint, though.

Carrie’s lips pursed in thought. She could get it repainted. Oh, wait, even better—she could have the children paint it! Get a whole rainbow of colors of nontoxic paint and let the kids go wild. Maybe get in a few handprints here and there, to really brighten up the little fence. Carrie nodded to herself, the logistics already coming together in her mind. It’d have to be on a warmer day—maybe a little event to celebrate the coming of spring? Weather was also a concern when it came to scheduling; the paint would need time to dry.

Thus decided, Carrie resolved to write herself a note when she made it to her office. She’d draft up the plans and present them to the rest of the council in January, giving everyone plenty of time to plan everything out.

It was as Carrie was unlatching and walking through the gate that her lonely little walk became decidedly less lonely.

“Carrie Callaghan!” The man walking up the sidewalk waved her down, his cheeks aglow from the chill. “Finishing up your daily walk?”

Carrie nodded. “Right you are, Mr. Flack.” She closed the gate behind her, taking care to latch it. “What brought you here? You hate the cold.” Not that Carrie was upset to see him—it was always nice to have someone to talk to—but Elias was definitely a summer kind of guy. It’d make much more sense to see him behind the counter at the bar at this time of day.

“Ah, but I could never feel cold when I’m with you,” Elias grinned. He pressed the button for the crosswalk, “You always find a way to bring more life to the world around you.”

“Flatterer.” Carrie giggled. She came to a stop at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change.

Elias shrugged. “It’s hard not to.” He quipped. His expression turned serious, bright green eyes locked on hers. “My offer’s still open, of course. If you ever find yourself in need of a date…” He trailed off.

“Oh, I’m sure you could do so much better than little old me.” Carrie suggested. She watched the green light change to yellow—

“What if I don’t want to?” There was so much sincerity in Elias’ voice that his teeth had to be rotting. Carrie’s chest tightened.

Carrie laughed. “Careful, Mr. Flack,” She cautioned, “Too much sugar and your teeth will all fall out!” She waved him goodbye as her light turned green, her heels clicking on the pavement of the crosswalk.

Elias really was such a nice man. Five years her junior, and not bad looking, either. But Carrie wasn’t looking for romance, not at this stage. She was too old to have her own children anyway, and she was too busy for a husband, besides.

Carrie entered the lobby. Greta was off on her lunch break, the front desk abandoned. Carrie huffed, making her way towards her office.

Scott saw her pass by, and called out. “Miss Callaghan!”

She stopped in front of his office. “Yes, Mr. Gilmore?”

“They finished checking the lights,” He said, “That phone of yours is sure to be next!”

Carrie beamed. “Oh, that’s just wonderful!” She turned to leave, then—

“Actually, Mr. Gilmore,” she started, “I ended up getting a little ahead before my lunch break, so I could stand to help lighten your load.”

“Really?” Papers were already floating up to gather into a stack above Scott’s head. “Gosh, Miss Callaghan, you really are an angel.”

Carrie took the stack with a chuckle. “Oh, I wouldn’t say angel,” She waved his words off. “I just do what I can to help!”

“Well, it sure helps a lot!” Scott beamed. “Thanks!”

Carrie grinned. “Of course. Sunshine and smiles!”

“Sunshine and smiles!”

Carrie walked into her office, and set the stack down on her dress. She hadn’t been totally truthful, with Scott—there was still plenty work left for her, in addition to what he’d given her. But Mr. Gilmore really was swamped—and what were a few extra forms? The sooner Mr. Gilmore could go home, the more time he’d be able to spend with his wife and kids—she might not have had a spouse or children of her own, but Carrie more than understood how important family was when it came to maintaining a healthy community.

As Carrie settled down in her chair, she glanced at her still-broken phone. It could stay broken a little longer, she decided—there were plenty more important things to focus on than one silly little phone. She turned back to the forms on her desk.

City hall was tough work.

But she was more than up for the task!

+=+=+=+=+

Carrie stepped out of her garage with a sigh, pulling off her coat to hang on its hook. She’d gotten home a little later than usual, but not by much—she still had plenty of time to relax before she’d have to settle down for the night.

Speaking of relaxing…

Carrie hummed as she made her way to the kitchen. No matter how much the work stacked up, no matter how many small improvements her brain spotted, no matter how many lunch breaks she ended up cheating and doing work during—

No matter what, Carrie could come home with sunshine and smiles in her mind, because of her special project.

It was the perfect project, one she had done many times before. It was incredibly relaxing, and did wonders for her creativity. The current iteration was still in its early stages, but Carrie knew it would turn out so wonderful in the end—she just needed to have a bit of patience with her Doll.

She’d acquired him only two weeks prior, after all. There was still so much work to be done. Her Doll had had more trouble adjusting at the start than she expected, acting out and breaking everything on the vanity, so his movement privileges were still limited. Carrie was certain she’d be able to let her Doll roam freely about his room soon enough, though.

And oh, what a Doll he was! Carrie could still remember when she first saw him, swinging across a trapeze—much too dangerous for a Doll, of course, but it was the grace of his movements, the confidence of his form, the beauty of his art that made it clear to her: she had found her latest muse.

Dolls were special. They required a lot of care! But Carrie loved all of her Dolls as much as she loved Pleasantville. And her newest Doll was no different—a real sweetheart, she knew. He just needed more time to adjust.

“Hello, Darling.” She greeted, setting the tray down on the table. Doll watched her like a nervous hawk from the bed, his hands pulled back by the handcuffs. “Let’s get you set up,” She grunted as she hauled the chair over. It took a bit of maneuvering, to get him uncuffed from the bed and onto the chair, the straps holding him safe and secure, but at least Doll didn’t kick—he was getting better and better behaved every day.

Carrie pushed the chair over to the table, then took her spot to the side. “Alright, Doll.” She grasped the spoon carefully, ignoring the low growl in the back of his throat. “Bon appetit!”

Her Doll accepted the offered food. It was a familiar pattern, feeding her Dolls. Carrie found that it was simply more fulfilling to feed her Dolls by hand—even when they were more than well behaved enough to feed themselves, it simply wasn’t good for their psyches! The whole point in bringing Dolls down here to care for was that they would be cared for, in the way that they had been denied their whole lives.

Carrie brought another spoonful up to her Doll’s mouth, brushing a lock of hair behind his ear. Truly, what a gorgeous Doll. Her hands itched to start putting together outfits, to craft art upon the body of her muse and record the memories with her camera—

But she had to wait, first. Dolls that squirmed were no fun to dress up, and it was more fulfilling for them to be able to lie back and let Carrie take care of everything. Dolls needed to be cared for, just as her town had so many things that could be fixed or improved—there was a need, and Carrie was set on filling it.

If only Doll could accept the care she was giving him faster…

“Oh!” Carrie nearly dropped the spoon—she had never told him her name! Oh, this needed to be corrected right away! “I never told you my name.” What an awful thing to do. No wonder her Doll was still having trouble settling in—she’d never so much as introduced herself!

His nose scrunched, as if to acknowledge that she’d messed up.

“My name is Carrie, Doll.” She chuckled nervously. “Though you’ll probably come to think of me as your Caretaker, or Mistress.”

“Absolutely not.” The vitriol with which Doll spat the words out was enough to make Carrie flinch.

She grasped his face, not caring if her nails dug in a little. “Don’t worry,” she replied, struggling to keep the anger from her voice, “We’ll get that nasty little attitude of yours fixed soon enough.” Oh, she needed to reign in her anger, and she needed to reign it in now. Her Doll was still settling in, after all.

Carrie let go of her Doll’s face and took a breath. Calm in, anger out. Sunshine and smiles, she reminded herself.

“I have just the outfit for you today!” She chirped. “Since Halloween is coming up,” She leaned in close, her hands on her lovely Doll’s shoulders, “I’ve got a lot of different costume ideas to try out.” One could never have too many Halloween costumes—she might even make a collage out of the photos she got, a whole collection of different costumes for her Doll. He might not be around for the next Halloween, after all—better to make the most of the time they’d have together!

Yes, Carrie’s Doll would be so happy here, in her care. Just like the town she loved so much—she’d make sure her Doll was happy no matter how long it took for him to understand. It was her job, after all.

“You’ll have to finish your dinner first, of course!” Carrie picked up the spoon again. Her Doll would settle in and understand it all in time, Carrie knew. She just needed a little patience.

The end result would be well worth the wait.

[ctlightner]

Book Review: Snowglobe by Soyoung Park, translated by Joungmin Lee Comfort

SUMMARY:

Snowglobe is a post-apocalyptic dystopian YA novel where climate change has resulted in the Earth being frozen almost all the time. Temperatures average about 5F on a good day, but can regularly get down to -50F. However, there is one place in the world where the temperatures are mild and regulated: the city of Snowglobe, which exists under a dome. Theoretically, anyone can go live in Snowglobe. The catch is, you must submit to having your entire life filmed and recorded and edited into the TV shows the rest of the outside world watches.

The story follows Jeon Chobahm, who is a dead ringer for the most famous actor in Snowglobe, Goh Haeri: the girl next door, whose life has been broadcasted since her birth. However, Haeri's director, Cha Seol, shows up one day looking for Chobahm, and tells her that she needs to take over Haeri's life because the TV star has committed suicide. Chobahm agrees, and then discovers all of the secrets and twists that the haven has to offer.

REVIEW:

I was actually surprised at how much I loved this book. These days, YA and I usualy don't vibe, but I'm beginning to suspect that it may have less to do with books for teens, and more to do with how what people now picture as YA is more along the lines of what people want to call "New Adult." Snowglobe would probably not go over well for that 17-25 crowd, but I think it is perfect for "Lower YA," aka, "Teens," aka people age 12-16.

It's an extremely fast-paced, plot-forward story with casual, modern language and subject matter that a lot of middle schoolers and early high schoolers can relate to. I can only imagine how terrifying school can be nowadays for kids who adamantly do not want to film or be filmed, but sometimes have no choice due to a lot of social medias encouraging a panopticonic approach to life.

I will admit, it's not a particularly deep book. It's doesn't pick apart its world like The Hunger Games does, but it does offer an avatar for readers to immerse themselves in. I don't know how that is affected by it being a book in translation, but I suspect it has more to do with the intended age range of readers. The plot itself goes at a very fast pace, with high-stakes plot twists happening one right after the other.

To be brutally honest, one of the reasons I find this book so charming is because it reads like a self-insert fanfic. I mean this VERY complimentary. I've read more than a few fics that center OCs, Y/Ns, and 2nd-person Reader Inserts, and they all have a certain pace and voice to them that injects a wonderful confidence into the narrative. A confidence that, to the lay person, may seem amateurish and confusing, but to a connoisseur of these stories is familiar, nostalgic, and exactly what's needed. It is imperative that this book is approached with a want to be pulled along on a wild, exciting, fantastical roller coaster. I think many in the 12-16 range naturally approach things like that, which is why I think that's the ideal demographic.

But, if you or someone you know want a little brain candy, pick it up. And for a chaser, I'd recommend two video essays ([1], [2]) by Moon Channel about an ongoing gender war (his words) in South Korea, and why the country has come to blows like this. I think these videos offer an introduction for Westerners into some of the nuances of Korean life, and bring another layer of context to the premise of this book.

If you know a child in middle school who loves to read dystopian fiction, consider pointing them in the direction of this book, especially if the have read and enjoyed Divergent.

[cleoenfaserum]

DEAD RINGERS

SEASON 1 EPISODE 6

Baby Sister

Dead Ringers – Season 1 Episode 6 Recap, Review & Ending Explained  Rati Pednekar

Baby Sister

Episode 6 of Dead Ringers opens with Beverly and Genevieve kissing in bed, and Beverly asks her not to go for her work trip.

Later, Beverly sits in a room looking at different paint swatches. She lifts her t-shirt and puts her hands on her belly, considering thoughtfully.

A pregnant woman sits in an outdoor area with her husband, moaning in pain and with a device strapped to her belly. From behind a screen, Beverly tells an audience about telemetry — a way of helping the woman remotely without interrupting. As the process continues, Beverly remembers holding the blood clot after her own miscarriage and also thinks she sees Elliot behind her.

Is Beverly happy with her life?

At a restaurant, Rebecca, Susan and Rebecca’s lawyer praise Beverly’s work on the centre. She’s even won an award! Tom’s work in the lab has led to world changing research and all through the description of her success, Beverly keeps seeing flashes of her miscarriage.

Meanwhile, Elliot is eating at a diner dressed in the same red garb she wore during Florence’s birth. A man enters and takes a seat, and we quickly establish that it’s the same man who once made a pass on the twins.

Rebecca and her lawyer tell Beverly they plan to open three more centres in the next year. Rebecca notices something off about her and asks if she’s kept in touch with Elliot and if life might actually be better without her. Beverly abruptly excuses herself.

Elliot sits across from the man and they eat. She then tells him to get up and they have sex in the bathroom. In the restaurant bathroom, Beverly opens her hair and tries to make her reflection look like Elliot.

Back at the table, Rebecca tells Beverly about Silas’s article and how it could be used to take down everything. They’re interrupted by a young girl who’s a fan of Genevieve’s. Beverly still seems distracted by flashes of her miscarriage. Rebecca says they engaged with Silas and encouraged him to put it all on Elliot, even Tom and Genevieve contributed.

Susan says that at the awards Beverly needs to distance herself from Elliot through her speech. She continues on, claiming that she can’t do that but all through the dinner scene, a phone’s buzzing sound is heard.

Later, Beverly and Genevieve face opposite sides. Genevieve says she had to do it, and we see flashes of someone underwater looking up at someone standing over them. In the morning, the buzzing sound continues as Beverly gets a phone call but she ignores it.

Why was Greta stealing from the twins’ home?

We then see all the things Greta’s collected. She’s arranged them in some form of art, in a gallery, with Linda’s voicemail playing on loud. Greta does her makeup, and on her mirror we see the photo of a middle-aged woman.

Beverly listens to a father talk about his wife Lily, and her inclination towards self-harm. He’s holding a newborn baby in his arms, and Lily says she doesn’t want the baby, and wants to go back in time to before it happened. Beverly too thinks about everything that’s happened from the beginning.

Beverly and Genevieve get ready for the party and the conversation moves on to Genevieve’s four-week work trip abroad. Beverly thinks it’s a long time but Genevieve claims to have already given up a lot for Beverly, which ticks the latter off. Genevieve asks Beverly to choose her the way she’s chosen Beverly.

Silas visits Greta’s art gallery. Greta sits on a bed in the middle of the objects she had arranged, and he tells her about his article.

At the party, Beverly sees Silas, and she then thinks about Elliot. She’d gone to the restroom at their club and found the back of the door scratched all over with different variations of ‘Elliot loves Beverly’ or ‘Beverly loves Elliot’. They call her name out at the awards and she goes on stage. In her speech, she starts by being grateful to Elliot but goes on to say she’s destructive and that the centre won’t have anything to do with her anymore. Although, the entire time she hears Elliot’s voice saying ��Baby sister”.

After that she goes to the bar for a drink of water where Tom marvels about how stealing Elliot’s work got him so much success and recognition, although there’s a tinge of sarcasm to his words. He blames Beverly for abandoning Elliot and making her the wreck she is. This speech, he says, will end her.

Does Beverly end up going to Elliot?

A voiceover from Greta describes how her mother died after giving birth to her. The doctor who gave her father the news of her death was very young.

Beverly sees Genevieve off for her work trip. Later on, she lies down on the floor as her phone keeps buzzing. We see the support group room but it only has empty chairs. She goes to their old apartment and finds it in a complete mess but Elliot isn’t there. She climbs into bed and sniffs the blankets. When her phone buzzes again, she finally picks up.

Beverly finds Elliot at her lab, sleeping on the floor. Both sisters get emotional upon seeing each other. Beverly then sees the nearly fully grown baby in an incubator and she knows Elliot did it for her. She then admits that she isn’t capable of feeling happiness, not even when she came as close to it as she could.

How does Dead Ringers end?

Beverly asks Elliot if she remembers when they went swimming and got lost but the latter claims that didn’t happen. Beverly lies down and Elliot injects her with something. Beverly hands over her hair tie and Elliot ties her hair up. Elliot takes a blade and cuts her own abdomen and then stitches herself up, while Beverly’s eyes close. She cuts open Beverly and takes out the babies, wrapping them up and making her way to the centre where the staff helps her and the babes. Meanwhile, Beverly lies in a pool of blood.

Elliot wakes up and finds Susan and Rebecca by her bedside. They think she’s Beverly and she tells them ‘Elliot’ helped her have the babies. But now, she’s gone. The real Elliot smiles.

Greta has a meal with her father, and on the table is a magazine with Silas’s article. Genevieve returns from her trip, and Elliot looks at her babies just as Genevieve arrives and calls out to her.

Is there a mid or post-credit scene?

A mid-credits scene shows Elliot sitting in a park while Genevieve waits in line at a stall nearby. Elliot meets someone from the support group who reveals what Beverly had been saying there. When Genevieve comes back, Elliot explains it away as a woman who thought she was her sister. Elliot then returns to the support group as Beverly, where someone asks if she’d like to talk about her sister.

The Episode Review

Serving as a final breakdown of Beverly this time and not Elliot, this episode acts as a great finale to a fantastic series. There are so many ideas here, and in the entire series in general actually, about control, happiness and dependency. It doesn’t try to offer fixed answers but puts forth enough discussion for it to be compelling.

The stylistic choices of the series stay true till the end, coming together to show the twins’ relationship in all its uniqueness. The whispered echoes of Elliot’s “baby sister” and the incessant buzzing of the phone were two aural cues used perfectly. It’s so clear that Beverly, no matter how successful her life is, is haunted by Elliot. She can neither stay with nor without her. It’s always been push and pull, in between half and whole for Beverly. This makes her final dialogue about looking for a window strike particularly hard.

I did feel like their final meeting and the making of that horrific decision was quite quick, particularly compared to the 1988 film, where we see Beverly spend more time joining Elliot in his descent. I was also a bit surprised we don’t see an ounce of doubt from Genevieve at the end, seeing how well she knew the twins. The aftermath of the exchange is definitely rushed and you’re left longing for more, but I guess that’s the point as this six part series draws to a close.

[savinggadgets]

SAVING GADGETS | Hub for the best reviews on gadgets

[license-to-geek]

Chapter Three of Beautiful.Dirty.Rich

Can be read as a stand alone, or if you want the build up previous chapters are up.

Smut warning.

Word count: approx 1800

The dinner party had been a success and Kate had made it home okay despite the dodgy heel she wore on her right foot.

Her friends did ask where she had been for so long once she returned from the toilet and she told them the truth, her heel broke and Mr Osborn fixed it for her.

What she wasn't going to tell anyone, is that the sexual tension between her and her friends father was very fucking high.

And the minute she got home she came very quickly with his name on her lips and she slept soundly with dreams of him fucking her into oblivion and back.

It's not like she fancies the man. It was just she had a few glasses of wine and Norman Osborn happened to look very dashing that evening. And people get horny when drunk that's normal, healthy, it's fine. She does not have a thing for Norman Osborn.

Kate left her flat rather early. On her way to work she picked up some coffee and a bagel.The paper she was writing last week is finally done so she's excited to hand that in to her supervisor for review, she decided to come in earlier in order to proof read the paper before handing it in.

She walked into the building  and went for the elevator.

Just her luck. Norman Osborn was standing right in front of her as the elevator doors opened. Images of her fantasies of getting bent over his desk began flooding her mind and she needed to compose herself.

"Good morning Sir." Kate greeted.

"Good morning Miss Underwood." He replied.

"Thank you again for helping with my shoe. It got me home. " Kate said.

"That's quite alright Miss Underwood. Glad you got home safe." He smiled.

Kate shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other waiting for the elevator to reach her floor or to drop mr Osborn off at his floor.

Then out of the blue the pair of them heard a clanging and crashing sound and the elevator stopped.

"Uhh. That's not a good sound is it."  Kate asked looking over and Mr Osborn worriedly.

Mr Osborn turned to face her "No. it isn't."  He said as he went to inspect what was going on. After a few minutes of poking and prodding it became apparent they where trapped inside the elevator.

"We're trapped aren't we?" Kate said.

"It would seem so." He sighed.

He pressed the ringer on the elevator to speak to someone but no luck in a response.

"No one comes in to work for at least another hour." Kate informed him.

"Fuck sake." He muttered under his breath.

He began pacing about furiously. Muttering swear words under his breath every few moments. He then loudly placed his hands on the wall of the elevator and leaned against it. Then smashing his hands against the wall again.

Kate wasn't sure why but looking at him getting angry was really turning her on. The masculinity radiating off of this man at this moment in time made her knees go week, she needed to sit down.

After a few minutes Kate decided to sit down and finish her coffee. Mr Osborn then joined her, taking his coat off to sit on first:

"Would you like some coffee?" Kate offered

"I'm alright thank you Miss Underwood. My old bladder would need emptying immediately. And unfortunately we have no where to go." He sneered.

"I've been asking maintenance for weeks to sort these ridiculous elevators out!" He added banging his head against the wall of the lift.

"How long do you reckon we will be in here for" Kate asked the man next to her.

"I'm not sure is the honest answer." He replied.

15 minutes passed and they where still stuck in the lift,  they soon realised that no one comes into work early apart from themselves. They where also getting very hot in the lift.

Norman had taken of his blazer and undone his tie. He was in the middle of rolling up his sleeves.

Kate was fortunately wearing a dress however the walls where all mirrored so if she where to open her legs to get a draft in, her friends father would get a face full of Lacey panties. Which also isn't very professional.

After 15 more minutes Kate couldn't take the heat any longer she had to open her legs to let the air through. If not she was sure her thighs where going to burn to a crisp.  Screw professionalism, thee Norman Osborn had now taken off his tie completely and undone several shirt buttons. Mr Osborn never lets anyone see him like that. Which is probably why it was such a shock to her the other night when she saw his forearms.

Kate and separated her legs ever so slightly. Mr Osborn paid no attention to what she was doing. Kate separated her legs further every minute or so. Eventually she started to cool down.

Unbeknownst to her, Norman Osborn was in fact paying attention. He tried his best to not look but unfortunately there were mirrors surrounding them and he had no other choice but to look.

By now her legs were wide open and from Norman's point of view, everything was on display. And as much as he tried to control it, he could feel his trousers getting quite tighter.

Occasionally Kate would move and change positions giving Norman a new view. He wouldn't normally be this affected by seeing some pussy in Lacey see through underwear, however under the circumstances there wasn't much else to do. And when the brain isn't occupied it's default is horny.

And she did look ravishing Saturday night in that skimpy black dress of hers. What he would have given to have torn it off her body. He wondered what she looked like underneath her clothes. How big were her breasts? Were they perky? He wondered what it might feel like to wrap his mouth around them.

No. Stop Norman. She's young enough to be your daughter. But Christ this hardened member was not going away.

Kate looked over to Norman and saw his strained face. "Are you okay Sir?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." He replied, out of breath.

She didn't sound convinced so she turned around completely and leaned over to see if he was alright. It was at that point she noticed where his hands where sitting, in between his legs,  covering a raising shaft.

"Oh fuck !" She said out loud, not meaning to. "Sorry I didn't mean to say that out loud, it's just you know circumstances." She said pointing to the obvious problem.

Maybe she shouldn't have directly pointed at the problem.

"Im really sorry Miss Underwood, I know this is highly inappropriate. But you have been flashing me for the last 20 minutes." He explained.

He palmed his hand on his crotch to relieve some of the discomfort.

"Oh." Kate blushed furiously. Realising that it was in-fact her who had caused the man before her to be in this predicament.

"Im terribly sorry, its just its so hot in here and my thighs where burning, I didn't think you could see anything I swear !" She rambled.

"It's okay Miss Underwood."

"Are you going to be okay with that..." Kate asked, he looked to be in pain.

"Eventually." He replied through gritted teeth. What he'd give just to take himself in his hand right now and relieve himself.

Kate didn't know where this new founded confidence came from but all she knows is that this man has been driving her crazy for the last week.

So she removed his hands away from his crotch and undid his trousers.

"Miss Underwood! What do you think you're doing ?" Norman exclaimed.

Kate ignored him and she reached his boxers and pulled out his member.

Jesus fucking Christ. He was big. Like really big.

Her hands wrapped around his cock and gave it a few tugs before bending her head down to wrap her mouth around it. She gently pressed her tongue against the tip applying some pressure to it.

"Miss-Miss Underwood-I don't think this is I don't think I -ah oh god yes." He muttered, banging his head against the wall.

He could see Kate wrapping her lovely wet mouth around his hardened cock and it was a beautiful sight. What sort of dream was this?

Kate couldn't fit all of him in her mouth so the base of his cock was being handled by her hands. She massaged his balls whilst sucking on his shaft causing a moan in approval from Norman.

Normans hands instinctively went to her hair, gently guiding her at first, and then he was pushing her down on his cock.

"Oh god yeah, mmm. God you like this don't you, sucking my cock like the good girl you are. Christ I wish I’d fucked you Saturday”

Kate could only moan in approval. The sounds of him moaning and dirty talking was making her very very wet. She needed to relieve herself. She removed one hand from the base of his shaft and slid it under her dress. Even through her panties she was incredibly wet.

"Are you touching yourself Miss Underwood ?" Norman smirked, still guiding her mouth on his cock.

Kate moaned in response.

"Why don't you be a good girl and just ride my cock."

Kate had never been so turned on.

Without hesitation she removed her mouth from his member with a pop, looking up she made eye contact with Norman, he looked to be in ecstasy.

Kate straddled his hips and sank down onto him.

"Oh god. Oh god Norman your so big."

Kate had to take a second to get used to his size before starting to grind against him. She placed her hands on his chest to stable herself. It didn't take long before she found the right rhythm.

His hands tightly gripped her waist, guiding her, forcing her downwards on his cock. As she moved her hips from side to side and front and back Norman was absolutely bewitched.

"God you ride my cock perfectly. Yeah that's it. Oh yes. You good fucking girl."

Kate new she didn't have long left before she was going to cum so she made the most of it. She bounced up and down on his long hard cock vigorously, she was about to start seeing stars it felt that good.

He had raised his hips slightly to get a better angle, now he was pumping into from below, hitting all the right places.

"Oh fuck Norman. That's it right there oh yes please sir don't stop"

Norman was about to go absolutely feral at being called Sir, he could have come undone from that alone.

"I'm gonna cum Norman" Kate cried out as she worked his cock harder and faster coming to a finishing pace.

"Cum for me Kate." Norman said continuing to fuck her from below.

And as she cried out Norman felt her walls grip onto his cock as she surfed through her orgasm, Norman followed shortly behind his cum penetrating her walls.

"Hello? Anyone in there ? We got a maintenance request 4o minutes ago but we just got in"

[yoichichi]

To Call You Mine

college!tsuki x reader series

Ch. 3 - not a buddy, just a tutor

warning(s): toxic relationship behavior, toxic mindset, loneliness ☹️, kind of some Angst 😶

a/n: hehehehe I loved the way some of y’all were reacting about the boyfriend part LMAO , I hope you enjoy this ch!! And you know I love love love hearing from you guys :)

Ch. 1 Ch. 2

“Tomorrow, we’ll be sure to review…”

You couldn’t focus on what your professor said as you left the classroom, thumbs moving at the speed of light as you texted Tsukishima back urgently.

Wednesday 12:02 pm

- ‘Omg, I seriously owe you sm. Class wasn’t perfect but it kind of made SENSE! Ty fr :)’

You probably looked like an idiot smiling so big down at your phone but you couldn’t fathom how relieved you felt versus the usual existential dread that hung over you nearly every other day after Calc.

You turn your ringer back on as you shove your phone into your pocket, remnants of a small smile resting on your face. Still reeling from your accomplished high, you figured some celebratory coffee would-

ding

You think the speed at which you snatched your phone back out, almost fumbling it in the process, was more embarrassing than how you were smiling earlier. It just felt nice to hear some validation from Tsuki, you haven’t known him long - at all - but it didn’t feel like a regular occurrence with him. And it kind of made you feel special if you were being honest.

Kai💗😩🥳

- ‘Still down to hang?’

Your cheeks began to hurt with how often you were smiling today. Not who you were expecting, but it made you pleased nonetheless to see your boyfriends contact pop up onto your screen. You clicked on the message and unlocked your phone, typing your response chalk full of cheesy emojis.

ding

ding

ding

ding

The notifications momentarily pause your movements as you read the banners quickly and quietly to yourself.

Tsukishima :)

- ‘sounds like you still need a tutor 🙄’

- ‘and np’

- ‘if you need to go over today’s lesson before Sunday just text me and we’ll figure something out.’

- ‘but we’re still on for Sunday so no there’s no getting out of that.’

You made a mental note to finish your text to Kai in a moment, swiping to get to Tsuki’s messages.

- ‘that eager to see me again? Aren’t you sweet 😌 I’m getting coffee as a gift for myself, if you’re not busy ig I could get you one too as a thanks 🙄’

You clicked your phone off once more, ignoring the string of sounds coming from your back pocket, instead choosing to focus on the walk there and mentally check your schedule to see when you were free. Maybe you’d take him up on his offer.

The walk was short enough to not have to worry about warming back up when you got inside, which really meant you could have an iced coffee without the consequences of a cold drink during the chilly autumn weather.

Walking up to wait in line, you debated between choosing your regular order or trying something new. Your eyes bore into the menu with an intensity comparable to someone like Kai on the court. You giggled quietly to yourself at such a clever thought before going back to deciding what you wanted before it was your turn to order.

“Hmm, blatantly ignoring me and giggling to yourself about it? You certainly are in a mood, aren’t you?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of a familiar cocky voice behind you, warmth emitting from his chest that almost had you backing into it.

You huffed and turned your head over your shoulder to see Tsuki, the man of the hour, looming over you with that shit eating grin.

“You think you’re cute sneaking up on me like that?” You squinted your eyes and reached out to lightly smack his, surprisingly quite firm, chest.

“Adorable, actually.” His smile got even wider when you rolled your eyes and tried not to smile yourself, turning your attention back to the menu.

“You know, if you would’ve answered my texts you would’ve had a coffee waiting for you already.” Tsuki commented and sighed, feigning annoyance with you as he watched you glance between him and your phone, now in your hand, in confusion.

Tsukishima :)

- ‘not eager to see you, eager to tutor you more so I get to see you less ❤️’

- ‘and now you’re offering to buy me a drink? Who really wants to see who’

- ‘I’m already here anyway, just text me what you want.’

- ‘you’re offer expires in about 39 seconds.’

- ‘😐’

- ‘sucks for you ig.’

You chuckle and put your phone away, cooing playfully about how sweet he is as you watch his arrogant smile slowly fade away from his face. It wasn’t until you gained the attention of a couple people around you that he had enough, muttering about how annoying you are and how he can’t wait to get rid of you as he nudges you up to the cashier.

Placing your order, you step to the side and wait - and apparently Tsukishima was going to be waiting with you.

“So, you said you felt more comfortable in class?”

His face was more serious now as he asked you the question, no playful smiles or a snarky demeanor. You could tell he was just waiting for a genuine answer.

His eyebrows rested softly on his face as you spoke. They sat not too far above his eyes that were slightly wider than normal, occasionally raising in response to the lilts in your voice. His lips were only slightly parted, resting in a fine line. He looked, contemplative.

“Oh, hey babe!”

A familiar booming voice cuts you off mid rant, your face and body twisting into it’s direction.

“I thought you were maybe talking to your calc professor or somethin’ since you didn’t answer my text right away like you usually do.” Kai, your boyfriend, was right next to you now. His long, strong arm pulling you into his side to keep you there, pressing a kiss to the side of your head in the process.

He turned his attention to Tsukishima now, eyeing him up and down before offering him his own signature grin: all toothy, bright, and fake.

“I’m Kai, her boyfriend, nice to meet you.”

You internally screamed at the way he had to emphasize the fact that he was your boyfriend, and then internally screamed even louder at the way Tsukishima chuckled - no scoffed - at what Kai said.

Not every person to ever be in your presence was a threat to the security of your relationship.

You hated how over protective he could be sometimes, even if he means well. Deciding now wasn’t the time to mull over your recent relationship troubles, you gave Tsuki an “I’m sorry he can be like that sometimes” glance.

Squeezing quickly onto Kai’s arm, you took your turn to speak before either of them could.

“This is Tsukishima, my frien-“

“What’s so funny?” Kai had that smile still, but tilted his head just enough to show he wasn’t really smiling.

“I’m Tsukishima Kei, her tutor, nice to meet you. I just think it’s funny our names are so similar, that’s all.”

Tsuki’s smirk screamed “I’m a liar and that’s most definitely not what I’m laughing about”, and his eyes gleamed with playfulness, toying with the limits of your boyfriends patience.

Kai was a well built man. 6’2”, not too lean but not too big, and a wide frame. And when you pair that with his resting face and his usual, presence, he likes to carry, he’s not always the most approachable person. And he certainly doesn’t make it easy when he’s actively trying to be intimidating, or whatever it is he does. But thankfully Tsukishima’s either too stupid to notice or simply doesn’t care; either way you appreciate the consistency in his attitude.

What you didn’t appreciate was being cut off.

“Like I was trying to say, Tsukishima’s a friend. M-“

“Oh, so we’re friends now? I wouldn’t say a single tutoring session makes us friends.” Tsuki’s silly little smirk was short lived as he met your eyes.

You really didn’t appreciate being cut off. Twice. And maybe you didn’t appreciate this little attitude of his.

“Oh? Well I didn’t know acquaintances offered to buy the other coffee.” Your eyes bore into his with a harsh stare, making the tips of his ears start to turn red before he did his best to make up for himself.

“They do when they’re trying to get to know them better. I mean, if that’s allowed?” The expectant glare Tsukishima gave Kai made your blood run cold.

Such an asshole.

You clenched your jaw and huffed, but before you or Kai could get to speak, Tsuki beat you both to it.

“Just text me and we’ll figure something out, see you Sunday if not sooner.”

And with that he was gone, snatching his bag up and shoving his belongings into it carelessly before pushing through the door.

The gust of wind that blew through was appropriately cold for the situation.

“Order for (y/n)!”

—

“How am I the dick here?” Kai’s voice bounced off the walls in your cramped dorm, his harsh tone echoing from all corners of the space.

Thankfully, most people were probably out in a class or eating lunch at this time like Bonnie was.

“Why do you have to make everything a pissing contest between you and any man in my general vicinity? I don’t know Kai, maybe I’d like to fucking have another friend besides Bo-“

“Oh don’t guilt trip m-“

Interrupted, again.

“Quit doing that! Quit cutting me off just let me speak!”

You felt your voice crack from the extensive length the two of you have been going at it, just trying to get a word out. The tension was high in the room as you calmed yourself down and caught your breath, doing your best to swallow the growing lump in your throat.

“Just,”, you groaned and covered your face with your hands for a brief moment before continuing,

“We’re supposed to be working on our trust, Kai.”

It was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke up softly.

“Babe, it’s not you that I don’t trust.”

You sighed deeply as you felt the hot tears that had been waiting to spill run down your cheeks.

“Kai. That’s bullshit. It doesn’t matter that you don’t trust other people or whatever the hell you’re saying, cause I’m the one being affected by your feelings and actions. I’m the one who might lose a possible friend because you’re insecure.”

That must’ve been his last straw. Because instead of another sharp response, it was silent. The sound of the door clicking open making noise rather than him himself.

It caught your attention as you looked up to watch Kai begin to leave just barely hearing him say,

“I’ll talk to you later.”

The silence that filled the space after he left was suffocating. You wanted to scream, cry, and go to bed all at once. And the latter didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

You rolled onto your bed and clutched onto your blanket tight, not wanting to let your feelings fester and think about how angry you were right now. But you couldn’t stop yourself when your chest grew heavy as you began to sob, you hated how often he’d just avoid an issue. But right now, that’s exactly what you felt like doing, too.

Sitting up, you changed and crawled under the covers, deciding a nap was the only way you were gonna be able to give yourself a break right now. And you were completely right.

Not before changing his contact to just, “Kai”, of course.

He doesn’t deserve the emojis right now.

—

It was dark and your skin was clammy when you woke up, your head pounding. You were in desperate need of a drink of water. Sitting up slowly, rubbing your face in a desperate attempt to smooth away your grogginess, you hopped off your bed towards your desk.

Why does being with him have to be so draining?

You’ve never felt like your relationship was perfect or easy, but you’ve also never felt like it wasn’t worth it. How often does someone stay with their high school sweetheart - albeit off and on - until their second year in college? And besides, you were both trying to make it easy for each other at the least.

Making friends was easy for you, it was keeping them that was hard. Remembering to set aside time to make plans, or even remember to make them in the first place. Or even doing something simple like shooting them a text, whether it was your nerves or not you’ve always just told yourself you’re too busy and too focused to spend time creating a bunch of lasting friendships.

But Kai? Kai’s always stuck around, no matter how many times he’s reminded you how often you’ve made things difficult for the two of you. Even when he’s left he’s come back, willing to listen and figure it all out. He’s always been your one and only. But that’s also the problem;

He’s always been your one and only.

Recently it’s felt like no matter what you do, he’s the reason you can’t keep a friend.

Why need a friend when you have Kai, he’s basically your friend, too, right? They want too much of your time, they’re too touchy, they’re too pushy, shouldn’t you be studying? Shouldn’t you be hanging out with him?

You plopped down into your desk chair and placed your head in your hands, your thoughts beginning to overwhelm you again.

ding

Peeking an eye over to your phone, still sitting on your nightstand from where you left it earlier, you reluctantly made your way over to see who was bothering you.

Bon Bon 🥐💗

- ‘Ahhhhh! Sorry I’m not back yet (even though I don’t think you and Kai will mind lolol) I’m just gonna stay at my friends house for the night so don’t worry bout me! Just a late night study sesh gone too long is all :) love ya girlie!’

A sudden wave of loneliness washed over you as you tried not to cry again, you were getting annoyed at how many times you felt like crying tonight.

You stared at her message for a few more moments before finally sending your reply.

- ‘you’re good :) we’re having a late night movie sesh so I’m gonna get back to that! ily 2 see u tmrw ❤️’

You don’t know why you felt like you had to lie, maybe you just didn’t want to have to explain it all right now, or worry her.

You noticed you had a few more messages waiting to be read, too. Although none were from Kai.

Tsukishima :)

4:32 pm

- ‘sorry if I came off weird earlier. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or upset, I just didn’t like how Kai was acting.’

5:01 pm

- ‘by how Kai was acting I mean he just acted like he had a problem with me when we’ve never even met before. I know I antagonized him too though so to be more specific I’m sorry about that.’

- ‘I’m also sorry if I caused friction between you two, let me know if you’re still comfortable with me tutoring you or if you’d rather me find you someone else. I know some pretty nice ones.’

- ‘just to clarify though I personally don’t have a problem continuing to tutor. Don’t want you to think you did anything to upset me.’

You sniffled and glanced up to the small digits in the upper left hand corner of your screen.

11:56 pm

Jesus.

You stared at his texts for a while, unsure of what to say but also relieved at the fact he texted you. Seems like you were worried about Kai spoiling this budding friendship for you more than you thought.

Thursday 12:03 am

- ‘ty for the apology I really appreciate that. It was kind of awkward but Kai also really played into the whole situation so I’m sorry for how he acted too. I’m very okay with you being my tutor still but ty for asking’

- ‘I’m actually free to even study now lol’

- ‘you do still owe me that coffee’

You felt the tiniest of weights lift off your shoulders as you sent your messages. It felt nice knowing-

ding

..

There’s no way he should be up this late. Doesn’t he have crazy early workouts for volleyball or something?

Tsukishima :)

- ‘ofc. I’m actually at the library now if you want to join me :) same spot as last time’

The fact he replied so quickly was surprising, and his seemingly equal eagerness to see you surprised you even more. But, in a pleasantly surprised kind of way.

You smiled down at your phone, sitting up and slipping your slides on at a lethal pace. It felt good to smile a little bit.

And really, it’s not like you had anything better to do. Plus, being alone right now doesn’t exactly sound like too much fun.

You texted him a quick, “omw!”, before slipping out of your dorm.

You could guess Tsukishima is just as lonely as you are with how quick he seemed to invite you to a study session.

Hmph. Acquaintances my ass.

—————————

Any thoughts on Kai? On y/n and their relationship? ?Any thoughts at all??? Send em my way :)

taglist for series: @plutowrites @c0rncheez @ruetaro @toyas-wife @devilkou @anime-and-kpop-trash @haley-talks-too-much @jiungsfav @sergeant102105 (if you’d like to be added or removed let me know!)

[garbagevanfleet]

Brightest Blue (series)

PART SEVEN

Pairing: Josh x reader Warnings: men being shitty and creepy!! possible trigger for sexual assult Summary:  Things are changing. New state. New school. New roommate. You just pray things are going to click into place. Notes: things are taking an odd turn, right? (sorry this is posted so late) 

taglist: @valleyd0ll​ @satingrass-maidensfair​ @guitarfingers​ @thebohemianpenguin​ @peaceisouranthem​ @oblvions​ @hansonobsessed​ @myownparadise96​ @lara-gvf​ @anditsmywholeheart​ @kill-fear-the-power-of-lies​ @bigblack-catattack​

MASTERPOST 

You woke up to the shrill chiming of an alarm cutting through your head like a circle saw. The unexpected noise made you sit up instantly, putting your gaze directly on a desk, the top of it overflowing with sheet music. 

Josh started to stir next to you, his hand reaching out from under the blanket to grab his phone from where it sat in between you.

The sore spot on your ribs made you wince, and your eyes drifted down to find your own phone, pressed into the mattress from you sleeping on it. 

When the screen flicked on, you let out a sharp gasp. 

“Josh, we have like fifteen minutes to leave!” you yelped, hopping instantly out of bed and finding your knees a little wobbly. 

He sat up then, rubbing across his face. 

You gazed back at him, frowning at the odd setup; he was laying on top of the comforter but under a different blanket.

“Shit, I had yesterday’s alarm still set for my late class,” he murmured, inching himself toward the end of the bed. 

“Oh my god,” you whined, racing to the bathroom. You brushed your teeth way too quickly, knowing in your heart that you did a poor job.

When you returned to Josh’s room for your phone, he was pulling a clean shirt over his head.

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, sounding somewhere between asleep and awake.

“It’s okay, I should have set my own alarm,” you admitted, snatching your cell from the bed and scooting past him again. “It’s really okay. Are you going to be ready to leave in like ten?”

He nodded as he ran his fingers through his curls. “Yeah, you?”

“I’m praying.” 

On the walk to school, you remembered. 

“Fuck, my presentation is today. And I got high and didn’t practice.”

He chuckled under his breath, clasping his hand around your shoulder. “You’re going to be fine- just breathe and stay calm. If you mess up, take a pause and keep going.” 

You nodded furiously. “Okay. Okay. Can you text that to me? What if I forget?”

He laughed in earnest then. “Yes, I’ll text you.” 

You exhaled a lengthy breath, nodding as you tried to calm your nerves. 

In front of the entrance to the B hall, he spun you around to face him, holding the biceps of each of your arms. He mimicked taking a deep breath, prompting you to do the same without another thought. 

“Relax,” he instructed coolly. “And I’ll see you at lunch.”

+++

You had your hands clasped tightly in your lap, nervous enough that your palms were sweating. Getting up and speaking to a room of people was high on your list of things that felt like torture, especially since you hadn’t had time to shower or do anything with your mess of hair besides pinning it up into a bun as best you could. 

You thanked a divine power that the outfit you had thrown on in a haste ended up looking surprisingly presentable. 

As it neared your turn, you got your papers in order and straightened up your posture. When your name was called, you promptly stood, descending the steps and ending up down at the podium. 

You had just opened your mouth to start when your phone chimed in your pocket. Your eyes popped open wide, hoping you’d hallucinated the sound instead of forgetting to silence your ringer. 

The professor was giving you an unamused look as you gave a weak laugh.

 “One sec, sorry,” you muttered, fishing out your phone. You flicked the little button down on the side, but as the screen lit up, you got to read what the message said. 

Josh      just now Just pretend everyone’s me or pretend they’re naked. Probably not both though.

You couldn’t help but huff a laugh as you tucked it back away. The nerves that had you so on edge started to dampen, just a bit. 

+++

That afternoon, you walked home alone. Josh had texted you that he’d be staying until 5 or 6 to make sure the production was going along smoothly, but when he returned to the apartment, it was with a bottle of wine. 

You were doing some of the dishes from the previous day and had to wipe your soapy hands on a dishtowel before he crossed the room and pulled you into a side hug. 

The two of you had talked about how well the presentation went when you met at lunch, but you hadn’t imagined he’d make such a big deal about it. 

“I had Jake pick me up and take me to the liquor store, and I got this so we could celebrate,” he informed, his voice kind of soft - either sheepish or tired, you couldn’t quite tell. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” you replied, but couldn’t suppress the huge grin splitting your lips. 

He nodded, offering a soft smile. “I know.” He set the bottle down on the table pointedly. “I wanted to.”

You fished the make-shift corkscrew from the utensil drawer, brandishing it like a knife to earn a melodic laugh from Josh. 

He popped the door of the fridge open to peer inside. “We might be able to make something special for dinner. Or, at least more special than mac and cheese or sandwiches.”

When the idea popped into your head, you crossed the room and grabbed your purse. 

“I still have about,” you paused to count the bills in your wallet. “$34 from shopping. I was saving it for something nice, so why don’t we order something in?”

He grinned at you, leaning back against the wall next to the fridge and letting his head rest against it. “What kind of take-out are you thinking? You should get to pick.”

“Oh, please,” you huffed, playfully rolling your eyes as you started unwrapping the foil around the rim of the wine bottle. “One, I could have never done so well if it weren’t for you. And two, you’re from here, so you’d know what’s worth ordering.”

His pink lips tilted up into a smirk. “I’m not from here though.”

“Close enough.” You took a moment to think before continuing on. The tip of the corkscrew was broken, leaving a blunt edge and he watched you struggle to pierce the cork with it. “Is there any kind of Indian? Or Thai maybe?” 

He nodded. “There’s an Indian restaurant downtown. It’s pretty yummy if I remember right.”

“That kinda sounds perfect, right?” 

He held his hand out, flicking his eyes down at the corkscrew and then back up at you until you reluctantly handed it over. He picked up the bottle and popped it open with ease, his smirk only growing. 

“Yeah, perfect.”

+++

Thursday evening, Trevor showed up around five, just as you were finished making your bedroom look like a cute study nook. You weren’t entirely sure how much studying either of you planned on doing, but since he only brought one notebook and nothing else, you weren’t very hopeful about getting any work done. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to have a roommate,” he said in a playful tone.

“I do. When I moved here, I knew I couldn’t afford to live alone, so I rolled the dice. He’s a great friend, as it turns out. Do you want something to drink?” you asked as he stepped through your doorway and set his stuff down on your bed. 

“That’d be cool.”

“We have juice and milk and water and iced tea.”

He shrugged with a smile. “Anything but milk, please.”

You nodded. “I’ll bring you some juice.” 

Josh, who was seated in the sitting chair in the living room, working on his own homework, looked up at you through his eyelashes with a mischievous-looking smile.

You shot him a scowl. “Don’t be weird,” you whispered, and then in a normal tone, finished with, “Would you like some juice too?”

He huffed a laugh, shaking his head at you. “That’s okay, I can get my own. You just worry about him.”

Trevor happily took his glass as you handed it to him, giving you a “thank you”. 

“Of course,” you replied as you sat next to him on the bed and pulled your stack of textbooks onto your lap. “Where should we start?”

“You actually want to study?” he mused, sounding disbelieving.

You bit your lip. “Probably for a little while at least, right?” 

He shrugged back at you, but you tried to brush off the odd attitude. Maybe you’d given him the wrong impression as to exactly what this would be, but you could fix it. 

“So, we’re supposed to read chapters ten through sixteen and then do all the questions,” you informed, flipping the book open. “You want me to read it out loud?” 

You thought maybe offering to do most of the work would brighten his mood, but every time you looked over at him while you were reading, he was scrolling through his phone. He had a bored expression painted across his features, and it took him nearly a full minute to realize you’d stopped reading. 

When he finally looked up at you, he gave a smile that you knew he thought was the most charming thing you’d ever seen.

You could hear a knock on the front door and Josh shuffling around in the living room. 

“Have you been listening to any of this? You look like you’d rather be anywhere else.” You tried to keep your tone from sounding annoyed, but you knew you couldn’t hide it as well as you wished. 

“I’d rather be doing anything else if I’m being honest.” There was not a single shred of an apology in his voice, and when you spoke again, you knew it would be even less put together.

“Why did you want to come over for a study session if you didn’t want to study?” It was less of a question and more of a scathing review of his character, or at least what you’d seen of it so far.

He frowned at you, looking a shade on the accusatory side for your liking. “I feel like you should have known what that actually meant.” 

You could hear a conversation going on in the kitchen, and you silently wished you were out there instead. The longer you heard them talk, the more convinced you became that it was Jake, and you wondered if Josh invited him over on purpose, or if he just showed up.

“You said you thought I was good in class and that part of why you asked me out was so I could help you with classwork.”

He rolled his blue eyes. “Yeah, if I hadn’t, I can’t imagine you would have invited me over.”

You had your mouth open to snap a response, but somehow, his words hurt you. Not much, but just enough for your chest to feel tight, and not just from anger.

 “Did you think you could manipulate me into having sex with you?” you asked quietly, your brows threaded close together in a frown. 

He gave a long, bored-sounding sigh. “Don’t act like I’m a bad guy, here. Everyone does it. Give some fake compliments and then make your move, you know?”

For emphasis, he placed his hand on your thigh, a little too high up. It made your teeth clench, jaw tightened by rage.

“Don’t touch me. You should go,” you stated. 

He huffed a sarcastic laugh as he inched his hand a bit further up your leg. He moved toward you until his face was nearing your neck. “Come on, what’s the big deal?” 

Before you could stop yourself, you reached a hand out and slapped him across his face, your palm making contact with the hollow of his cheek. You hadn’t been expecting the crack of noise when you made contact; it ripped through the room, and out into the living area if you had to guess. 

It took him a beat to realize what happened, but as soon as he did, he stood from your bed. You picked up his notebook and handed it to him, and he ripped it from your grasp, a dirty look on his features. 

“You’re a cockteasing bitch,” he snapped, nursing the red spot on his cheek. 

He was already halfway through the living room when you moved to stand in the doorway of your room. 

“Fuck off,” you called through clenched teeth as he opened the front door and let himself out. When he was gone you realized that Josh and Jake were both looking at you with similar degrees of concern from where they were sat on the couch. 

“What happened?” Josh asked, frowning up at you. 

Embarrassed, you flicked your eyes over to Jake who had one eyebrow quirked up at you. 

“Oh, you know. Just boys lying to me so they can fuck,” you snapped as you retreated to your room and closed the door. You instantly felt bad for being short with them, especially since Josh is just about the last person you could ever imagine being mean to, but you’d apologize later. 

Right then, you were going to curl up in bed.

After a couple of hours, Jake left and you wondered how long it would take before Josh came in to bug you, but he didn’t. You listened for his footsteps coming toward your door, but you could hear him in the living room, turning the page of a book every now and again. 

Eventually, you couldn’t help yourself - you threw the blankets off and stood. The stiffness in your muscles was a poor consolation prize for the day. 

He looked up at you, shutting his book instantly, his homework caught between the pages. 

“Hey,” he greeted quietly. He patted the spot next to him on the couch. “I’m sorry your...thing went so poorly.”

You were too annoyed to care anymore, so you laid your head on his shoulder, letting out a long sigh. It surprised you when you felt a tear drip down your cheek and you could feel your face start to warm in response. 

He heard you sniffle and his form stiffened immediately. His arm wrapped around your shoulder, pulling you tight to him. 

“Did he hurt you?” It sounded like Josh’s throat was tight, making his words hoarse.

“No, he just,” You weren’t sure how to finish that. He hadn’t really hurt you, per se. “He just tried to touch me. And then he didn’t stop when I told him to.”

“What?” His tone was charmingly offended on your behalf. 

“It’s okay,” you assured, wiping your face with the sleeve of your sweater. “I’m more angry than anything. I just kind of can’t believe I fell for that, you know? The whole ‘let’s study’ thing.”

“Stop that - it’s not your fault.” You could feel the hesitation as he laid his hand against your ear, but you leaned into it, grateful for the comfort.

It was quiet for a long moment while you calmed yourself down. His presence was more of a reassurance than anything else you could have imagined at the moment.

“You’re my best friend,” you breathed, turning to nuzzle your nose against the fabric of his sleeve. “And I’m lucky to have you.”

Through a smile, you heard him say, “Me too.”

[zukkoxx]

mha boys realizing they’re in love pt.1

w/ deku, bakugo

tw⚠️ insecurities!, self doubt!

deku 🥦

izuku knew he loved you since you guys started dating.

he had liked you for a long time, and when you finally got together in your last year of UA, he couldn’t have been happier.

he planned on living the rest of his life with you. and would go through any feats to make it possible.

so when you started to feel doubts about your relationship? that was a wake up call for him.

you had just finished training, all sweaty and tired, walking back to your dorm with a towel around your neck.

you scrolled through your phone mindlessly, and just happened to come across a twitter post about your boyfriend, deku, who had just taken down one of the villains that’s been on the run for months.

you smiled. you were so proud of him. already achieving his dream in becoming one of the greatest heroes. and getting the recognition he finally deserved.

you made it your your dorm, slumping on your bed as you read some of the comments.

woah this guy is still attending UA!? he’ll be a great hero for sure

there’s no one like him!

deku strikes again! what a stud😍

you laughed at some, grimaced at others that claimed the mission was too easy for him. but one particular comment had you freezing in your spot.

is he single? i won’t hesitate to run to the scene and give him my hand in marriage right now!

you knew it was a fun, lighthearted comment. but you clicked the the commenters page and instantly noticed how beautiful as preppy she was.

she was also a big deku fan...probably had more merch than you.

you sighed and threw your phone across the bed.

for the past few weeks, you had been thinking about how different you and izuku were in terms of success.

you were both in your last year of high school, and he had already done so much.

worked on so many cases with pro heroes and went through successful missions all the time. he was destined to become the greatest hero.

and you?

well, you’ve never even caught a villain.

sure you’ve helped out on low grade missions for the hero you interned under, but you had never been publicly praised like izuku. you never stood out.

you had trouble believing you’d become a hero at all.

you always wondered, wouldn’t izuku be better off with someone that could keep up with him? who wouldn’t hold him back. someone who he wouldn’t leave in the dust when he excelled in the future.

he deserved someone better.

your thoughts were cut off when your dorm door brushed open, revealing no other than the man himself.

izuku walked into your room with worried eyes and seemed out of breath.

“y/n? ive texted and called a bunch of times. why haven’t you answered?” he asked, and you subtly turned to your phone that you discarded on the other half of the bed.

“my ringer was off. sorry izu.” you tired to give him a smile as he sat next to you on your bed. “i saw an article about your mission today. you were amazing!” you complimented.

“ahh you give me too much credit. i couldn’t have dont anything with the pro heroes and other people helping.”

“still, you’re a great hero. i wish i was like that.” you chuckle dryly, past insecurities already pushing forward again.

“what!? you’re a great hero y/n!” izuku exclaimed.

“i’ve barely done anything izuku. i don’t know how you put up with me. i should be able to help you on your missions, but i’m stuck in the same position i have been in. i don’t know when i’ll improve.”

you didn’t mean to sound so pathetic, but you had been feeling this way for so long. it was all just spilling out now.

and izuku? he literally stopped breathing when he heard what you were saying about yourself. “you deserve someone that will be able to keep up with you. what will people think when they find out the amazing deku is dating a weak, incapable, good for nothing-”

“don’t say one more word y/n.” izuku cuts you off, and you look up to meet his eyes piercing yours.

they were dark, nothing like their usual gleaming glow that shined when he looked at you.

there was no sign of amusement on any of his features. just dead seriousness

“what the hell are you talking about y/n?” he asks, but doesn’t give you a chance to respond. “you’re one of the most courageous, brave, intelligent, capable people i know! where is all of this coming from?”

“i’ve been thinking about it for a while. it’s just you’re so...amazing and i’m so...” you knew anything you could have said after that would make him even more angry. it was nothing positive.

god he probably hated you for being so insecure.

“you’re you, y/n.” izuku says softly. “you’re you and you’re who i love. i don’t care about what i do, what you do, who says what! i love you for you!”

izuku looks at you with so much love and compassion. you stared into his eyes, wondering what was gong on in his head.

well? at the moment he despised himself for letting you feel this way.

you were his whole world! the person who supported you in everything he did and he would support you in the same way! he couldn’t understand why you were feeling this way when he was literally...in love with you.

he loved you yeah of course, but hearing the way you were speaking about yourself, and how you had doubts about your relationship made his heart physically hurt. he was absolutely and unconditionally in love with you and wouldn’t be able to see himself with anyone else.

and he needed you to hear it.

“y/n you’re my everything! i’m so in love with you, no amount of fame or recognition could make me even think about leaving you!” izuku said urgently, and he finally calmed down when he saw a slight smile reach your lips.

a real one this time.

the conversation continued, and izuku promised to let you learn and remember how in love he was with you until it was the last thing he’d do.

bakugo 💥

bakugo would never pursue anyone unless he definitely knew he loved them.

so of course he never asked you out when he couldn’t differentiate if what he felt for you was love, or if it was a stupid little crush.

he didn’t like thinking about his feelings, especially the irrelevant ones.

he was trying to become the number one hero. who needed time for love anyways?

so he ignored his “feelings” for you, not allowing them to confuse him any longer.

it wasn’t until a few months into his third year when bakugo got the worst news of his life.

you were on a mission. an important one that had you absent from school for weeks.

bakugo was worried.

he’d text you every few days, asking what was going on and how things were and you’d always respond with “it’s fine.” or “we’re hanging in there.”

he assumed it was a pretty difficult mission, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

you were strong

so when he heard from a certain icy-hot that you were in the hospital in critical condition after completing the mission, he forgot about everything and ran straight to you.

ignoring aizawa’s calls, he almost blasted himself out of UA and checked every hospital for you, considering he didn’t even ask todoroki which one you were in before he left.

when he finally reached the hospital holding you, he sprinted to your room.

he found you hooked up to a bunch of wires and tests.

you looked peaceful, sleeping while the heart monitor beeped beside you.

but you looked horrible. bloody bandages covered almost every limb, and your body was covered in bruises.

bakugo’s heart dropped to his stomach. he couldn’t stand seeing you like this.

why does his feelings have to be 100x more noticeable when your tragically hurt!?

he sat down on the empty chair beside the hospital bed, wondering why no one else was visiting at this time.

he stared at you, something he couldn’t get off of his mind lately.

“why do you make me feel things, dumbass?” he asked, waiting for a response. “i never skip class! you just had to get hurt and make me skip the test review.” he rolled his eyes, but his face softened as he looked at you, still sleeping.

“i’ll help you study. you’ll probably fail without going over what we learned.”

.....

“would you wake up, you shitty woman!” he yelled, gripping the side of your bed “this is scary, you know?”

.....

“i should’ve called you today, i just assumed you’d be too busy to talk. if you told me you were in trouble, i’d blast my ass to wherever you were in a heartbeat.” bakugo said, feeling his actual heart skip a beat when you still didn’t respond. 

“please wake up...”

after about an hour of waiting, your other classmates came in, checking on your condition.

you still hadn’t woken up, but your vitals were better and your breath were more steady.

by the time night fell, everyone left; except for bakugo

he was just starting to fall asleep when he felt she. he heard you stir in the hospital bed.

his head shot up, quickly turning to face you as he saw you blinking you eyes slowly.

“y/n!” he yelled a little louder than anticipated, making you shoot awake and look at him.

you blinked a few more times before realizing who you were looking at. “katsuki!?” you asked, trying to sit up, but feeling a sharp pain in your side.

“hey! don’t move dumbass. are you okay? do you remember anything?” he frantically asked.

“umm...i’m fine?” you said, sounding like you were trying to convince yourself. “why are you here?”

“why am i here? you were admitted into the hospital in critical condition!”

“i-i’m sorry, everything’s a bit fuzzy right now.” you say softly, putting a hand on your forehead and tryin got remember everything.

bakugo softened, and waited until you got yourself together. “how long have you been here?” you ask

“since this morning.”

“this morning!? katsuki what about school? do your parents even know you’re here?”

“why the hell are you worried about me? you’re the one hooked up to all these machines and can barely move!” bakugo yelled, trying to understand why you were so focused on him being there with you.

“i just never thought you’d be the one to go out of your way to check on someone. let alone be here the whole day...” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy at the idea of bakugo keeping your sleeping body company for hours.

bakugo froze at your words.

he really wasn’t the type to go check on people for more than a few minutes. especially not one to skip school because of it.

maybe he did this because he felt a little more than what he thought he did.

maybe this wasn’t a stupid little crush? maybe it was something serious that he had just been blowing off.

when he heard about your condition, he just couldn’t stand by. there must have been something that pushed him to run to you.

“it’s cause u care about you...idiot. i wasn’t gonna a let you suffer here alone.” he huffs, crossing his arms.

“katsukiii do you like me or something?” you asked in a teasing tone

he couldn’t believe you were making jokes at a time like this. furthermore, he couldn’t believe how easy it was for you to see through his facade.

“i do.” he states. there was no point in lying.

“i was just kidding kats-“

“i’m not.” he cuts you off. “i care about you, and i like you. a lot. so...you better like be bad damn it. or i’ll blow you to bits!”

you chuckled and smiled tenderly at him. you definitely weren’t expecting him to say that, but you weren’t complaining.

“i like you too...i guess.” you smile, and katsuki tsked before smirking at you.

he finally felt like he could breath again, and that everything was going to be fine now.

except...katsuki didn’t like you. he loved you. but no way would he tell you that

this absolutely sucks i can’t believe i’m posting this. if you can, plz give me some requests so i don’t make trash hcs like this again. they’ll be a pt.2 later. hopefully it isn’t as bad as this one.

click here to send a request. i’d really appreciate it!

[fruitcoops]

I combined two asks for this one since they fit so well together and it’s quite long. Thanks for the suggestions! Credit for Sweater Weather characters goes to the incredible @lumosinlove​!

TW for mild panic and self-blame

Prompt 31: “He’s not answering his phone”

Prompt 45: “It’s bad again. It’s really, really bad again”

“He’s not answering his phone.”

“Still?”

James slipped his cell phone into his pocket. Remus’ eyes were trained on the floor, as they had been since his arrival. “Look, Loops, you remember what he was like before. You know him better than any of us. I think—I think you might be a little too close to this, though.”

“Too close?” Remus snorted without humor. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Loops, c’mon.” James sat next to him on the couch, but Remus refused to make eye contact. “Remus. You know how Sirius deals with his problems. He shuts down and pushes everyone away because he feels like he has to be perfect all the time, even though we tell him every fuckin’ day how much he means to us. It’s just—with you, he doesn’t do that.”

“He’s never like that with me,” Remus muttered. James remained silent. “Not—not since the airport. He promised.”

And, shit, if that didn’t just break James’ heart. He wanted to be angry at Sirius: who gave him the right to cause his loved ones so much stress? That day at the airport, leading a shaking and shell-shocked Remus away by the shoulders, had been once of the worst of James’ life. “I know, that’s why I’m worried about you.”

“36.” Remus’ voice was so quiet that James almost missed it.

“What?”

“I called him 36 times while he was at All-Stars and he didn’t answer a single one. He swore he would never do that to me again.” Remus let out a trembling breath and James placed his hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Fuck, I’m not even angry, I’m just scared.”

“Me, too,” James confessed. Sirius’ instinct to run may have helped him survive for the first twenty-odd years of his life, but it wreaked havoc on his new support system. “Do you want me to try again?” Remus shook his head. “I can call Coach and see if he’s at the rink?”

“I already sent him a text, and Moody,” Remus said, running a hand through his hair. There was a gentle clacking noise and Hattie appeared around the door with her head cocked to the side. She wagged her tail and trotted over to them, then rested her head on Remus’ knees with a low whine. “Hey, babycakes. James, you don’t have to stay here with me.”

“I want to.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I know what this feels like and I don’t think either of us should be alone right now or we’ll both worry ourselves into a spiral.”

“That’s fair.”

They sat in silence for a moment. James had knocked on Sirius’ door in the hours after the photos were released until his hands and feet when numb from cold, and he wasn’t looking forward to trudging through parks all afternoon to track him down. He knew he would never understand the urge to self-isolate and couldn’t blame Sirius for his shitty upbringing, but he wished his best friend had a better way to deal with his feelings.

He was about to suggest turning on the radio to distract themselves when Remus’ phone rang, startling them both with the volume. Remus scrambled to answer, his eyes wide. “Sirius?” There was a low buzzing noise on the other end and he frowned. “Dumo? Are you—who?”

Sirius? James mouthed. Remus nodded. Thank god. He leaned back against the couch and let out a long, slow breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding. If Sirius was with Dumo, he would be safe. He kicked himself a little for not thinking to check there as well, but they had no time to waste on self-pity.

“Pots and I will be there in twenty,” Remus said. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Pascal.”

James’ had the car running by the time Remus got his shoes on and let Hattie into the backyard. “I’m driving,” he said before Remus could protest. “You get to take deep breaths and focus on not strangling your fiancé when we get there, okay?”

“Got it.” Remus reached over and stopped James’ fingers from tapping on the steering wheel. “If you’re driving, you’re not allowed to freak out either.”

A knock on the front door startled Pascal Dumais out of his algebra-induced haze. He had been a decent student in school, but Adele’s math homework was a whole new level of confusing that he was not nearly prepared enough to review with her. There was another knock, harder and more frantic than before, and he frowned. The team always called before they came over, and solicitors rarely stopped by.

Adele raised an eyebrow, but cleared her stuff off the table and headed up to her room as Dumo went to the door. “Bonj—oh, mon fils.”

“It’s bad again,” Sirius said quietly. He was blinking fast and his hands flexed like he wanted to reach for something. “It’s really, really bad again.”

“Come inside.” Dumo opened the door the rest of the way and led Sirius into his office, away from any possible disruptions or unwelcome eyes. He had total faith in his family’s ability to comfort and support, but this was not the first time Sirius had come to him for help. He needed space to work through whatever was going on. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” he croaked, swallowing thickly. “I wish I did, but it came out of nowhere. I was just thinking about how lucky I am now and then I remembered that I left Reg with them and he got hurt because of it.”

“Sirius, look at me,” Dumo said gently. “When did this start?”

“An hour ago? Maybe two?” He shook his head. “Time is…hard, when I get like this.”

“What did Remus say?” Sirius remained silent. “Mon fils, did you tell him what’s going on?”

“No.”

“Why?” A murmured answer. “Pardon?”

“He has enough to worry about. His parents are visiting in a week, and he hasn’t been sleeping, and he’s stressed about the Knights game—”

“Arrête.” Sirius’ jaw closed with a snap and he looked up with guilty eyes. “Remus loves you, of course he’ll be worried about you.”

More misery darkened Sirius’ face and Dumo reached for his hands. “Fuck, I left again. I promised I wouldn’t do that.”

“Has he called?”

“I put my phone on silent. The ringtone…” he gestured vaguely at his ears. Headache.

“Hold on while I get you some water. I’m going to call Remus and tell him where you are, alright? Just so he knows you’re safe.” Dumo stood up, but paused by the door. “He’s going to want to come and see you. C’est bon?”

Sirius sniffled. “Ouais.”

Celeste was waiting for him in the living room with concern etched all over her beautiful face. “Il est bon?”

“Oui, mon amour. Thinking about Regulus and his parents again.” Dumo kissed her forehead and she held him tight around the chest. For all her softness, her love was fierce. “He didn’t tell Remus where he went.”

She made a heartbroken noise. “That poor boy. Should I call?”

“Non, je vais.” Dumo let her go with one more kiss and dialed Remus’ number. He had barely lifted it to his ear when the line connected.

“Sirius?”

“Sirius just showed up at my front door.”

“Dumo? Are you—who?”

“Sirius. He’s having a rough time and mentioned that you didn’t know where he was, so I figured I’d call.”

“What happened? I was taking a nap and when I woke up, he was gone. James has been here for half an hour. We couldn’t get ahold of him. Can we come over?”

“Of course. I think he needs you more than me right now.”

“Pots and I will be there in twenty.” There was a moment’s pause on the other end, where Remus’ anxious breathing crackled. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Pascal.”

“Anything for my boys, eh?” Remus laughed weakly and the call ended with a click. Dumo made sure to keep his ringer on as he put his phone back in his pocket and went to get water from the kitchen.

“Is Sirius okay?” Adele asked from the doorway. “He seemed upset.”

“He’s feeling better now, mon chou. He just needed someone to talk to.”

Adele tugged the end of her braid, an old habit from when she was younger and tried to grow her hair out like Rapunzel. “Are he and Remus fighting?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Good. Remus makes him happy.”

Dumo smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. ��Oui, he does.”

Eighteen minutes and three glasses of water later, Sirius had calmed down enough that his chest didn’t hitch with every inhale. The rapid knock on the door startled them both; Dumo saw some of the guilt return to his face and made a mental note to kick Orion Black in the back of the knees the next time he showed his face. Sirius was a good man down to the bone and he deserved to be able to live without regret over things he couldn’t control.

“Sirius?” His shoulders sagged as Remus’ voice floated in from the hall and Dumo patted his forearm.

“In here.”

Remus appeared half a second later, flushed from the cold, and nearly collapsed against the doorframe when he saw them. “You’re okay?”

“I’m okay,” Sirius confirmed, but his tone wobbled on the second word and he scrunched his nose up. Remus crossed the room in three steps and wrapped him in a hug, squeezing his eyes shut as Sirius buried his face in his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“You scared the hell out of me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not angry.”

A strangled huff punched out of Sirius’ chest and a tear trickled down Remus’ cheek. “I know. I know you’re not, and I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Dumo stood up walked silently into the hallway, closing the door behind him with a nod to James. This conversation was not for anyone else’s ears.

[venusiangguk]

ok. i finished 10 minutes ago and needed a break. prepare for a long message miss stella 🙂

firstly, THE BEGINNING. WHAT THE CUCKSNEKMFKD. THE WORKING OUT, THE WATCHING EACH OTHER IN THE MIRROR, THE SEXUAL TENSION I COULD FEEL THROUGH THE SCREEN. i-

ok but when oc was kinda sad she wasn’t invited i wanted to cry because i get so immersed into the story i forget nari isn’t hers. it’s just cause she’s so amazing to nari that i forget :/ and it’s hard for me to accept she’s not oc and jk’s baby. anyways.

the ASS EATING STELLA. u went in and i’m so happy for that. wait i need to appreciate this snippet:

“As your tongue works over him, he chants over and over again, tells you how hot you look, how good your mouth feels, how wants you to keep going. It’s when you point your tongue a little, just barely pressing into his rim that his hand goes to the back of your head.

He holds your face to his ass, pushes you into him as he melts into the chair, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths that lilt up at the end.

“Good girl,” Jeongguk moans, his eyes blinking open hazily as he looks down at you again.”

WHDKSIWNEJE THIS WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE SMUT FOR ME.

hELP BUT WHEN SHE SAID DADDY AND HE WAS LIKE “no🤨” I SCREAMED … the sir kink i gotta go. let’s not forget how oc was CRYING from the jock. she was so overwhelmed, there was so much happening. like the way u were adding in the little thoughts where we could tell love was brewing 😞 oh and i need to mention him holding her up cause she was completely fucked out… yeah

wait before i get to the hard part, I WANNA SAY JK HAVING A LITTLE AREA FOR NARI WITH A DANCE BAR 😭 sobbing rn

…. ok

now onto the madness.

i just knew nari’s mom was gonna be at the door. like if she wasn’t u would’ve been like “you paid the delivery guy quickly and walked to the kitchen” but the way you were processing every second before oc opened the door.. i just KNEW.

the AWKWARDNESS. we all know oc is gorgeous but we’ve all been there where we meet someone important and we don’t look our best and we’re sCREAMING inside. now oc didn’t seem to care besides the fact she was in jk’s shirt and it was painfully obvious they just fucked (wait i wish oc was like “bitch i ate his ass bet u never did before” ok let me stop)

we all knew dasom was gonna be THAT mom. hardworking, intimidating, classy, beautiful, JUDGEMENTAL. and whilst reading i was angry…quite PISSED OFF i will admit, BUT the more u think about it.. yeah imagine taking your daughter to your ex’s house and seeing a beautiful young woman in a your ex husbands shirt and your daughter reaching for her… what would u do? i’d be petty. so yeah can i blame her? no.

but i still wanted to punch her in the fucking face. like i have a strong hate for her but i also don’t?? it bothers me that her and jk thought having a baby would fix everything. at least they’re both amazing parents. nari’s speech issues hurt me sm. i could feel gguk’s worry. and ngl i felt for dasom when she cried. but also GET OUT OF HERE CUNT!! (i’m bipolar when it comes to her sorry 😁)

but i am mad at gguk for not defending oc. i know he was kinda in shock from the questions about “are u committing to her” but it made me upset. maybe cause i’ve been in that situation. and having someone u care about NOT defend u fucking hurts. a guy did the same to me with his ex. i get it’s a different situation tho, my ex wasnt a hot sexy rich carrying dilf… 

but this is stressful because i understand both sides. i don’t think i’d want to become a stepmom at 22. no matter how much i loved someone and their kid. this is hard for me to say but, i for once would be okay with them not ending up together. (i say this now but if they don’t i’ll be kicking n crying on the floor cussing u out)…. this is totally different than icrlr because here we have both sides communicating their feelings and concerns.

and they are both in COMPLETELY different parts of their life. it hurts.. so bad to say but maybe they aren’t meant to be together.

damn stella you’ve broken me. i’m actually wishing for them to part. look what you’ve done to me 🙂

now i’m not saying i’d be mad if they end up together, but i feel like if they don’t, it makes sense.

but iF THEY DONT POOR NARI WILL MISS HER. oh speaking of nari and oc… the part where she was holding her face while crying i- 😭 ur evil for that. babies r so precious. i’m done. and THE NARWHAL NOOOO 🙁

well i feel like i touched on everything i can remember. i’m sure more will come to mind after some re-reads. thank u my lovely stella, for the lengthy update. 💖💖

(but damn u cant put me thru the ringer like this … my feelings are so fucked up rn)

ahhhh yaz <33 ur reviews always make me sooo happy <333

i too forget that nari isn't oc's sometimes :( (or like i choose to forget about her mom lmao) she and nari have such a special bond </3

yes the ass eating 😤 and yeah okay, when he was pushing her into him i had to pause and like... think about my choices bc something activates me when jk gets so into it 🥴 im glad u liked it, love writing ass eating <3 jk really was like 'no daddy kink ever 🙅🏻' LMAO i feel like this smut was one of their more passionate times, they both were so into it n <33

ur exactly right about the kind of mom dasom is LOL and ur also right about how she reacted, like i feel like i would have definitely acted similarly, if not more petty 😭 but yeah she was kinda bitchy and didn't have to express herself that way. and when they were talking about nari, i really wanted to show dasom isn't a bad mom, and they she LOVES nari... like she's the antagonist but she's not a villain, i wanted her to be very human. (i kinda have a soft spot for her tbh)

it really is so hard because everyones emotions are valid. i know some people will pick sides, but i as the writer understand the motives of everyone a little better so i have a difficult time, although i can understand the flaws in each characters thinking process lol. they have a lot to think about and work through </33

thank u so much for reading and for taking the time to send me this like u have no idea how much i look forward to reading what u think about my stuff, ur opinion is valuable to me friend <33

[hopelikethemoon]

The Exam (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: The Exam Rating: PG-13 Length: 1800 Warnings: Medical procedures (female physical examine, mentions of procuedures related to reproductive health) and discusions of miscarriages, infertility, and other topics related to conception and pregnancy.  Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in July 1996. I learned something new about Reader today. So that was cool. Summary: Reader goes to the OB/GYN for an exam. 

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You chewed at a hangnail on your thumb as you perched on the edge of the exam table, looking between Javier and the door. “You know, I ran out of a doctor’s office in a hospital gown once.”

Javier’s brows rose upwards as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest, “That sounds like a story I haven’t been told before.”

“Oh, the stories I could tell.” You laughed, though it didn’t quite reach your expression. “My mother was being… her usual self. I got fed up with her bullshit and decided to peace out. In the hospital gown.”

He snorted, “Somehow I can see you doing that.” Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth as his eyes wandered around the room. 

The walls were covered with anatomical posters of uteruses and Fallopian tubes; gleefully pregnant women and their partners. You watched the way Javier’s face sobered — and you wondered if he was thinking what you were thinking. 

A quick knock gave you a moment’s notice before the doctor and a nurse stepped into the room. 

“I do apologize for the delay,” the doctor remarked as she introduced herself to the both of you. “We had a mother going into labor during her exam. Never a dull moment.”

“Lucky her.” You offered wryly, brushing your hands over your lap, straightening out the hospital gown. 

“Indeed.” The doctor chuckled as she washed her hands, before slipping on a pair of gloves. “Mr. Peña, you’re welcome to wait in the waiting room while we exa—“

“I’d prefer it if he stayed.” You interjected with a shake of your head. 

Javier scratched at his jaw, “I don’t want to be in the way.”

“We’re in this together.” You reminded him, before looking towards the doctor. “There’s nothing we’ll discuss that I won’t tell him later.”

“It’s nice to see a supportive partner,” The doctor remarked with a smile. “If you don’t mind laying back, I’m going to begin the exam while I ask you a few questions.”

Your teeth bit into your bottom lip as you laid back on the table, the paper crinkling beneath you as the doctor loomed over you. 

“How long have you been trying?”

“Two months.” You answered as the doctor examined your breasts, before moving towards your stomach. “But we’ve never really used protection outside of birth control.”

“And you’ve been pregnant before?”

“We have a daughter.”

“Any history of miscarriages?”

You nodded slightly, “When I was fifteen. I didn’t even know until I went to the hospital.” You tilted your head, your eyes meeting Javier’s. There was nothing but compassion in his gaze. 

The doctor’s fingers pressed into the soft flesh of your stomach as the examination continued. “Any history of sexually transmitted diseases?”

“We’ve both been tested over the years. We’re clean.” You winced a little as she pressed down hard on a spot. 

“Is that tender?”

“Yeah,” You shifted under her touch. “But I’ve got a bruise there.”

The doctor’s brows rose upwards skeptically.

“We’ve taken the trying very seriously.” You admitted with an awkward laugh, “Javi, do you have that chart?”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ as he passed the piece of paper to the nurse, who handed it to the doctor. 

She bummed curiously as she reviewed the past two months. You’d charted out the last day of your birth control, your period, temperature changes, and indicated the days and times of intercourse. If you were thorough in your professional work, you’d gone thoroughly overboard in your pregnancy planning. 

“Now that we’ve completed the external examination, I’m going to do an internal and external ultrasound. Just to ensure that everything looks normal and healthy.” She looked towards Javier then. “I usually recommend that the male partner be tested as well. It’s a simple procedure to check semen count.” 

Javier shifted uncomfortably, “I read the leaflet.”

The nurse stepped out of the room and returned a moment later with a cart that held the ultrasound machine. 

“Did you have any complications during your first pregnancy?” The doctor questioned you. 

“Our daughter wasn’t planned.” You admitted. “Birth control, but no other protection. Easy pregnancy, aside from morning sickness.”

“Beginner’s luck,” The doctor said lightly as she adjusted the stirrups at the base of the exam table, helping your feet into them. “We’ll start with the internal ultrasound. It will feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but hopefully it will help us figure out what’s going on.”

You gave her a thumbs up, turning your head to look at Javier. “Be glad you don’t have to do this part.” You remarked. 

“Trust me,” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, nodding towards one of the posters detailing an external cephalic version. “I’m already in awe of what women go through.”

There was nothing wrong with you. Everything looked healthy and functional. By all accounts — you should’ve been pregnant. But you weren’t. 

The doctor ran a panel of blood tests that would take a few days to get the results of, but she doubted that they’d reveal anything. Javier scheduled an appointment to get his swimmers counted. 

“You sure you don’t want me to drive?” Javier questioned as he settled into the passenger seat. 

“It’s a nice distraction,” You retorted, reaching across the center console to steal his sunglasses off his shirt. “What’s the process?”

Javier huffed, picking you the sheet of instructions he’d been given, “Three to five days without activity.” 

“Glad it’s next week then.” You rubbed your thumbs over the steering wheel, staring straight ahead for a moment before starting up the car. “I’m supposed to start ovulating at some point in the next forty-eight hours, if things are running smoothly.” 

“It seems like I’m the problem here,” Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, brows furrowed as he stared at the sheet. “I figured this was coming. You know, Steve had to go through a whole gauntlet of tests when they were struggling.”

You nodded, “I remember. They both went through the ringer.”

“It says I can bring a guest.” Javier remarked as he turned the piece of paper over and continued reading. 

“I’m sure Steve will be honored by the offer.”

“Really?”

“I feel like there’s a testy joke in there somewhere.”

Javier snorted, “You’re lucky I love your bad humor.”

“I’m lucky for a lot of reasons.” You told him with a smirk. “I’d be happy to help.” You reached over and patted his leg. “I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with you either. It’s just a matter of timing.”

“Maybe.” He sighed, folding he paper in half, and then in half again before tucking it into the front inner pocket of his jacket. “How are you feeling?”

You made a face as you stopped at a red light, “A bit violated, but that’s pretty normal once the stirrups come out. You should see what happens during a pap smear.”

Javier glared at you, “I read the informational poster. I’d rather not.” 

“It’s fun.” You said dryly as you started through the intersection, making the turn onto the highway. “Thank you for coming today. For staying.” 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Javier told you. “Even if it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.” 

You grimaced, “I should’ve told you before—“

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s none of my business.”

“True.” You scraped your teeth over your bottom lip. “There was never a time to casually bring it up.” You pointed out, “Hey when I was fifteen I had a miscarriage and I didn’t even know what was happening.”

“When you were fifteen,” Javier rocked his jaw, “I would’ve been already in and out of college, and  settled into the job at sheriff’s office.”

You nodded, “Sounds about right. Twenty-three?”

“Probably twenty-four.” Javier rubbed his hands together as he stared out the passenger window. “For what it’s worth… I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” You told him honestly. “That was the first time I’ve thought about it since..” You thought for a second. “Maybe since I was a teenager. It never came up with Josie.” 

“I wish this were as easy as it was with Josie.” Javier sighed. “It’s gotta be me. I’m not exactly young.” 

“You’re not exactly old either.” You rolled your eyes. “Didn’t Hugh Hefner just have a kid at sixty-five?” 

“True.”

“Okay, then it’s probably not you.” You flipped onto the turn signal and merged into the lane for the off ramp that led to your condo. “You’re only forty-five Javier.” 

“I know.” He sighed heavily, sinking back against the seat. Out of the corner of your eye you could see the way he was clenching his jaw. 

“Hey,” You reached over and squeezed his leg. “I think the doctor was pretty impressed by our chart.”

Javier snorted, resting his hand over yours. “We’re gonna have to break our streak when I’ve got to go without you, baby.” 

“But that’s not for a couple days.” You reminded him, squeezing his leg three times. “You should’ve seen her face when she touched the bruise.”

“I’m sure she had a few thoughts on it.”

You laughed, “I’m sure.” In reality — you both knew that that was what happened when you got fucked into the side of your kitchen table. “You know what I don’t get?”

“Hmm?”

“When the doctor tells you that they’ll give you some privacy to get changed…” You said as you turned into your condo parking lot. “As if they haven’t just had a full look at your most intimate parts. Inside and out.” 

“It didn’t look fun.” Javier’s brows rose upwards as he tilted his head to look at you. “You wanna rest? I can handle Josie this evening, when Steve drops her off.” 

“I’ve been through worse.” You shrugged, pulling the keys out of the ignition. “It’s mostly just awkward. I mean, you saw the process. Mostly my stomach’s just a little sore because she prodded at me like it was a deep-tissue massage.” 

“We’ve got a couple hours before he drops her off.” Javier tilted his head to look at you. 

“I know.” You smirked at him. “And we’re home just in time for General Hospital.” It was no telenovela — but damn if you weren’t hooked. 

“You know we don’t have to do this, right?”

“But I want to.” You met his gaze. “It’s probably just a matter of timing.” You wanted this to work — for him. You saw the way his eyes lingered on new mothers with their babies sitting in the waiting room. The way he made conversation with the anxious dads waiting for their partners to come out. 

He’d missed all of that with Josie and you wanted to give him that one thing, after he’d given you everything. 

[aion-rsa]

The Simpsons Season 33 Episode 6 Review: A Serious Flanders (Part 1)

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This The Simpsons review contains spoilers.

The Simpsons Season 33 Episode 6

The Simpsons, season 33, episode 6, is proof the series’ installments should be given more room to breathe. The first of a two-part episode takes the time to fill most of the space with laughs. “A Serious Flanders” is a spoof of the FX series Fargo, and the takeoffs are immersive. This is one of the deepest dives into the core of a known series The Simpsons has made in a long time.

The episode is brought to you by Simpflix, and it opens on the channel’s landing page, which is also offering such shows as “What We Lou in the Shadows,” “The Tween’s Gambit,” “The Marvelous Mrs. Muntz,” “Halt or Kirk’s Fired,” “Bee-Jack Horseman,” “Molemen,” and “Somebody Feed Gil.” They are all obviously starring local characters from Springfield, and some might even be worthy of another FX spoof. But only if they remain at this level of comedy.

Like Fargo, “A Serious Flanders” presents a true story, which is technically correct in the dictionary sense, while still being open to interpretation. But the disclaimer is a wonderful twist on the skewered realities presented by the source material. “The events depicted took place in a real animated town,” we read after the dark demise of the Rich Texan. “Out of respect for the dead, the whole thing has been entirely made up. The rest has been told as pretentiously as possible.”

This is possibly mostly referring to the Minnesota/Wisconsin accents emanating from Ned’s memory of his lost paw-paw, Sheriff Ned Flanders I (Timothy Olyphant), who is a dead ringer for almost every male law enforcement agent on Fargo. But also in Ned’s love interest, Barb, played with an exquisitely quirky twist by Cristin Milioti. Quirks mean a lot on Fargo, whether it’s how many times someone might knock on a door before opening it, or bulimic capitalists. Ned has a few quirks of his own, mainly in how he speaks when excited, and it is well-utilized in “A Serious Flanders.” Great golly, Miss Molly, their sex scene is one of the funniest bits The Simpsons has tossed away in seasons, and has Sideshow Mel as a sad and somehow sordid punchline.

The first thing we learn in Chapter One: “The Harder The Good,” is that no character is safe. We’ve already seen what the villains do to barely beloved characters like Rich Texan. The sequence where henchmen Seamus (Chris O’Dowd) and Collette (Jessica Paré) cut up his body is quite grisly, but turns hysterical as the finer meat goes through a deli slicer. This tells us that debts are traditionally collected in money or blood. But it is revealed that a much more daunting alternative has been added to the collection plate, Venmo. We also learn that Rich Texan’s real name is Richard Texan.

Homer also gets an edumacation. He probably won’t fully understand it until the end of the closing episode, and certainly won’t retain it past this non-canonical series entry, but it is unavoidable. He rolls into it moments after Ned Flanders finds the bag of money which will make for the center of the action. A good man finds a goodie bag which will help him do good things. For Homer, it is “proof that karma is real, which sucks, cos now I can’t club you over the head and take it.” Ned seems to truly appreciate that and pays the not-quite-so-good deed forward. If we’ve learned nothing from watching Fargo, we should at least know, no deed goes unpunished, good or bad.

Read more

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The Simpsons Season 33 Episode 5 Review: Lisa’s Belly

By Tony Sokol

TV

The Simpsons Season 33 Episode 4 Review: The Wayz We Were

By Tony Sokol

Ned donates the money anonymously, under his grandfather’s name, Ned Flanders I, so no one knows it’s him. When the kids chant “Ned’s number one,” they’re not technically wrong. So, Ned continues to be unanimously anonymous, getting quite a lot of attention for his humility. But in his heart, he is still committing the sin of pride. This brings the episode to Chapter 2, “The Hippo’s Conundrum.” It’s not only the misgivings which are testing Ned’s faith, but the shady characters who reveal themselves. It also reveals Marge to be quite an expert amateur sleuth, something Fargo can never get enough of.

Part of the reason the episode works so well is due to how closely the writers follow the canon of both shows. Fargo has often made fair use of mistaken identity, and always provides a reasonable explanation for the initial mix-up. It has been long established that Homer has been liberally borrowing Ned’s possessions. He is renowned for not returning anything, and not even bothering to cover it up. This has extended far beyond the obvious lawn mowers, camcorders, toothbrushes, weather vanes, and air conditioning units to electricity, cable, and satellite TV access. This comes to its least obvious conclusion tonight as we learn even the undershirt Homer is wearing has Ned’s name on it. We can’t fault the henchmen, Seamus and Collette, who mistake one Evergreen Terrace resident for another.

But Comic Book Guy can find fault in everything, and his appearance in this episode is a flawless example of why he is such a necessary accessory to any crime. He has sport with Seamus’ accent and considers the “silent but violent” sidekick to be another tired cliché. He amends that when Collette puts a blade through his man-bun, and utters her own threat. “Actually, a French accomplice, unexpected but still underwhelming,” Comic Book Guy critiques. It is all perfectly and hysterically within character, mood, and rhythm.

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Not that we should be surprised, he runs a collectible store for comics and games, but Comic Book Guy also provides in the final puzzle piece for any Fargo scenario: A rival gang. Comic Book Guy pays Fat Tony (Joe Mantegna) for protection, and Springfield only has room for so many meatballs. Kostas Becker, voiced by Brian Cox, prefers his edibles to be circular, like the threats the town mob boss enjoys serving. Everything leads up to a giant massacre, which is an amazing sequence, revelatory and suspenseful.

Kostas turns out to be just as dangerous as Homer pegged him, and equally weird. He likes to tell rambling parables. It’s a quirk of his he picked up watching Fargo, and he does not like to be interrupted until their conclusions. The ending is a cliffhanger, and we are all emotionally engaged. “A Serious Flanders,” written by Cesar Mazariegos, and directed by Debbie Mahan, is an installment even non-Simpsons watchers will like. It is detailed, nuanced, and overloaded with jokes or their ghosts. Because the rules of character continuity are suspended, Part II should provide a satisfying conclusion.

The post The Simpsons Season 33 Episode 6 Review: A Serious Flanders (Part 1) appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[cleoenfaserum]

DEAD RINGERS

SEASON 1 EPISODE 5

Adventure in Alabama

Dead Ringers

Season 1 Episode 5 Recap & Review

Adventure in Alabama

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Adventure in Alabama

Episode 5 of Dead Ringers opens with Elliot sitting in a car with her face covered in blood. A man comes out of the building in front of her, followed by a very pregnant Beverly. She shakes her head when she sees Elliot.

The man talks about not having written a word for 17 months. He then gets a call from Rebecca who wants him to write a piece on the Mantle twins for a new birthing centre opening in Alabama. He doesn’t want to but she says he can’t afford to say no.

As this conversation happens, we also see that the woman who suffered constant miscarriages now has a baby. At the centre, Silas sees Beverly watching her and it’s worth pointing out that she’s now visibly pregnant. He approaches her and asks if she’s okay.

While a voiceover narrates meditation instructions we see Elliot prepare a milkshake while Beverly lies down on her bed, listening to the meditative track on her headphones. Oh, and they also have a dog now. Greta tells Beverly she’s packed and she hopes she has a good time. In the lift, Beverly tells Elliot she loves her.

Silas and the twins get into a private plane, where he interviews them. They talk about their unique relationship and how they don’t need other people, given they just make things worse. Now, they’re going to co-parent Beverly’s twin babies.

Susan welcomes the three of them to Montgomery and introduces them to her father, Marion, who’s also a doctor. Susan’s got two sets of twin sisters and one sister, Florence, who’s pregnant. The twins are here to deliver her quadruplets, and Marion pressures them to examine Florence. Elliot and Beverly both examine her and find all four babies.

Back in the plane, Silas had asked the twins why they chose Alabama and if there was some racial privilege in them swooping down to save black people in the South.

At the dinner table, the conversation moves to the violence of birth. Susan tells her father how Elliot delivered a 24-week-old baby (Lenka’s baby) and it was healthy. When they discuss how early a baby can be birthed, Silas brings up the consequences this could have on the abortion agenda. We also find out that Marion’s wife left early on and didn’t die, as Beverly had assumed. Marion describes how he go into the field of women’s health and was one of the first to do so. He talks about how doctors basically ‘practice’ on patients. He narrates an incident from the 1800s when a woman was diagnosed with rickets and a disfigured pelvis and had a stillborn baby. She worked with a doctor and they conducted 30 surgeries without anaesthesia to fix her, and it worked.

Later on, the sisters sing a song. Marion asks Elliot how she got Lenka pregnant. She says she used a combination of things.

A flashback shows Lenka screaming in pain. Her water had broken two hours ago. Elliot tells Tom to help because the procedure included something illegal, so she can’t call Beverly. Tom demands an explanation and Elliot says she grew the embryo outside and put it in Lenka when it was four weeks old. Tom is shocked but reluctantly agrees to help.

At the dinner table, Beverly seems shocked at hearing the news and vomits onto the table itself.

Another flashback shows Beverly telling Silas that Elliot was the one who delivered Lenka’s baby. She’s surprised the baby was healthy and didn’t need extra help. Silas then asks Beverly about Genevieve. She hears from Genevieve’s lawyers about visitation and other details but that’s it. She admits to pretending that Genevieve never existed.

Elliot knocks on the bathroom door while Beverly soaks in a tub. Beverly bites onto her hand, seemingly to not scream out, and then tells Elliot she’s fine. Elliot tells Beverly it was all just a joke.

In the night, Susan comes to visit Beverly. Elliot heads downstairs to find Silas sitting in the dark. Susan reveals to Beverly how her mother was sad all the time and would drink a lot. And still, she had all the kids, because of Marion.

Inside the twins’ apartment, Greta smokes, tries on their clothes and has her own private party.

Silas calls babies parasites and brings up Genevieve’s recent interview where she talks about a physical longing for babies. Elliot, on the other hand, never had maternal feelings. Silas asks what changes now that she’s having the babies with Beverly. Elliot reaches for his glass and downs his entire drink. She then pummels a tablet down to powder and inhales it while Silas talks about his drinking habit.

Elliot admits she hallucinated about pushing an old woman off her balcony, and she turns the questions on Silas, who confesses to sleeping with his students, so nobody pays any mind to his Pulitzer. He then asks Elliot how she got Lenka pregnant.

Beverly dreams about two girls in the sea, when one suddenly gets pulled under. She wakes up in shock and hears some distant sounds. She uses a lantern to guide herself and goes to a room in the basement where a black woman re-narrates the story of the 17-year-old girl who suffered from rickets and had a disfigured pelvis, operated on 30 times by the doctor without anesthesia, and was a slave. She speaks in support of the young girl who had to go through so much.

Beverly follows her back out of the room, but when she leaves the house premises, she tells Beverly she can’t follow. Beverly turns around and we see her nightdress is all bloodstained. Elliot and Silas see her too, and she insists that it isn’t her blood. In reality, there is no blood and she was never holding a lantern.

Greta says goodbye to the dog and leaves the apartment, but finds police outside. A stranger tells her they found an old woman in the gutter of the building.

Marion makes the cut for Florence’s C-section. Beverly pulls out all four babies. Silas’s voiceover narrates his final question for the sisters, asking why they lie to each other. Beverly never loved Genevieve and Elliot’s experiments are just fantasies. Elliot thinks about his comments on how they both want the babies and her grip on a medical tool tightens, leading to issues with Florence. Marion pulls her away but the damage is done.

Inside the house, Rebecca says damage control is possible since the incident happened in-house. Marion has banished Elliot, while Susan claims it’s not a big deal since the damage was just to Florence’s bladder.

We go back to the first scene with Elliot sitting in the car and Beverly exiting the house. Beverly thinks about the time when she and Elliot were looking at Lenka’s newborn and Elliot lied to her, saying it was a miracle that made the baby. And just like that, we whiplash back to the present, where Beverly shakes her head and goes back inside. Elliot throws a tantrum but ultimately leaves with Silas.

Inside, Beverly calls Genevieve and tells her she doesn’t want to do anything without her. She’s left Elliot for good and as a result, Elliot comes back to an empty house.

Beverly has dinner with Genevieve, while Rebecca tells Silas to not write the article but his interest in the Mantle twins has rekindled his desire to write. Next to his laptop is a news article about the old woman who was found dead.

The Episode Review

A superb episode  gives us multiple eerie twins, some fantastic dialogue delivery, and a strong look at the sister’s relationship and how it isn’t all it seems – particularly Beverly. It’s so interesting, how she pretends Genevieve never existed and then conveniently turns the tables and says the same thing for Elliot.

With Silas’s claim that she never loved Genevieve, her psyche is becoming more and more intriguing. Those dreams about the girls swimming in the sea is surely a key part of it.

While I did love the way this episode used the story of the girl with rickets and the father of genecology, it seems quite convenient for the show to tackle racism in this one segment and never mention it otherwise. The execution though was perfect, from the eerie visuals to the repetition of the dialogue.

Another standout scene is Silas’s voiceover about the twins lying to each other, paired with Florence’s C-section. This series has used long-winded dialogues quite well, and they always pack a punch.

I do wonder how the series will wrap up everything in the last episode. Greta, the mysterious symbol Genevieve had, and now Silas’s article on the twins; there seem to be quite a few threads that are nowhere near being tied up. Hopefully, the finale brings it all together.

Alabama

[loominggaia]

Fanfiction: New York (part 8)

Anon uploaded part 8 of their New York fanfic! You can read the other parts under the fanfic tag.

Posted under the cut:

The morning arrived, the crew waking up as Zeffer went to sleep. Day three of their hunt for Evan had officially began and the crew was beginning to realize this was gonna be harder then they thought. First off this city was HUGE!!! This New York place being much, much larger then any city they have ever been to before so their was a lot of places to search. The second thing and one they didn’t wanna think about is what if Evan wasn’t here? What would they do then? No. He had to be here.

The crew was gonna be here awhile, a long while they could tell and where gonna need food, supplies, a place to sleep that wasn’t some rat infested abandoned building. But in order to get any of that they where gonna one thing, money. They where not broke but may as well have been, GP was next to useless here so they where gonna need some of this earth money to get by. Zeffer told them before going to sleep he found somebody who could solve their id issue but it was gonna cost them big time.

But their was one thing above getting cash or finding Evan the whole crew was in desperate need of right now, a bath! Being unwashed for two days and sleeping in a old building filled with rodents had the crew smelling rather foul. Elska found a pond nearby during her search yesterday they could use and while they didn’t have any soap on them it was still better then nothing. It was decided that the Elska, Alaine and Jeimos would bath first, lukus and Issac after and Zeffer whenever he woke up.

Kimi woke up in her flat to the sound of her alarm, it was a work day and she had to get ready. Getting out of bed she got herself ready, the events of yesterday still fresh in her mind. Her meeting with those two foreign cosplayers had been all she could think about, it’s a real shame she couldn’t get a phone number or social media from either. She really wanted to see them again, especially that cute Alaine girl, and ask whether they found their friend or not.

Alaine, Elska and Jeimos made their way to the lake. Them stripping off their sweaty armor and hopping into the cool waters, hoping to soak off all dirt and filth. As Alaine plunged into the water she fully expected to feel the familiar sensation of changing into her aquatic form, the flash and light and feeling of her legs fusing into a tail. But as Alaine got her hair wet something strange happened, or should we say didn’t happen.

Alaine felt nothing? No flash of light, no leg fusion, not a single thing? She looked down in confusion to see she was still in her terrian form, a sinking feeling that something was wrong took over. She dipped the back of her head in deeper into the water, being sure to get all her hair soaked. Nothing. Her confusion turned more panicked, why was she not transforming? In one final test she dove under the water, fully submerging into the lake.

As Alaine dove under the water she waited for something, anything to happen but nothing did. Her tail and more pressingly her gills never emerged. For the first time since she was a child Alaine found herself holding her breath, unable to breath underwater. Her lungs burned and called for air, she frantically swam up to the surface desperate for air. Jeimos and Elska where at the shore washing themselves, not paying attention to Alaine diving. She was mermaid so they didn’t need to worry.

That illusion was burst as Alaines head busted up from the waters surface, violently coughing and gasping for air. That got the pairs attention as they made their way to Alaine, pulling her close to the shore. That’s when they noticed she wasn’t in aquatic form, but why? She was completely submerged a minute ago how does she still have her legs? Something wasn’t right and Jeimos had an idea on what it is, these thoughts having plagued them since they first arrived on earth.

Kimi made her commute to work, the trip being the same as every other day. Traffic, blaring horns, drivers screaming at each other from their car windows, same as every other day. Pulling into the hospitals parking lot a nagging thought crossed her mind, it being about the cosplayers missing friend. While she’s never seen a Mr. Evan Atlas as a patient that doesn’t mean someone else hasn’t. Just out of curiosity she’d ask around to see if anyone has a patient by that name.

After rescuing Alaine from near drowning they where now on the shore, Alaine visibly shaking and freaked out. She told them what happened and was asking why she hadn’t changed? Something was clearly wrong with her as this has never happened before. Jeimos told the two they had a theory but wanted to wait to tell the whole crew, it was something they all might want to hear. Drying off and getting dressed they made their way back to base.

“What do you mean theirs no magic”! The crew asked in unison. Jeimos clarifies to them that for the whole duration of their stay they have not sensed a single bite of magic here at all. At first they believed it was just due to being in an iron rich city but after seeing what happened to Alaine they now knew it was something else entirely. This earth place, it had no magic energy flowing through it unlike Gaia. To demonstrate Jeimos tried to cast a pyromancy spell.

Jeimos could cast the spell but instead of a huge jet of flames only tiny sparks came out. Even this alone took a lot out of Jeimos who staggered and started coughing. They explained that the lack of magic could explain why Alaine didn’t change into her aquatic form or why they didn’t find werewolf Evan their first night, theirs not enough magic surrounding them to fuel their change. This didn’t bode well for Jeimos and Zeffer, both being Fey and for Zeffer a vampire and thus reliant on magic.

The crew stopped their, they didn’t want to think about it. They didn’t want to think of what might happen to Jeimos or Zeffer if they stay too long or if they can even get home. The only thing they knew no whas they needed to amp up their search, find Evan and leave earth even faster. The crew split again to continue the search, back to the groups they had yesterday. Alaine was feeling rather stressed and anxious about this mornings events and needed to blow off some steam.

Alaine had a devilish idea on how to both blow off steam and get some quick cash. She turned to lukus and asked him if he felt like helping her do a little ‘hunting’. At the hospital the day was going by same as any other, new patients in various conditions flooding in, doctors and nurses rushes between rooms, patients or their families arguing with doctors over their diagnosis, the usual. Kimi was asking some of her coworkers if they have seen this Evan fellow with most saying no.

Still determined to see if this Evan guy passed threw here she decided to use her lunch to ask if they had a patient record for a Mr. Evan Atlas. If not then her suspicions could be put to rest. Lunch arrived and kimi did just that and reviewed patient records looking for any Evans. After going threw about 5 different names she found it! And what she found was a dead ringer for who those two cosplayers where talking about. Tall, beefy, blonde, missing a leg. It all checked out.

Kimi was also shocked to figure out this was the “Gaia guy” she was hearing about. Evan was in the over end of the hospital and currently in the psychiatric ward, a place she’s early ever stationed. While not directly seeing him her and her crew on this end did hear through word of mouth about a patient that had to be baker acted due to their delusions. Claiming himself to be a werewolf from some fantasy land where mermaids, centaurs and vampires are real.

Evan was sitting in his room, watching tv and eating bland hospital food like he had been doing for weeks. More reports of what people are now calling the “prosperity park centaur” have come flooding in, some teenagers claiming to have been attacked by it and even some blurry photos got taken. It frustrated Evan to no end, knowing his crew was here to rescue him yet having no way of letting them know he’s here. He heard the door to his room and say a nurse walk in.

Evan was confused? Nurses normally didn’t show up to clean for Atleast another 10 minutes? And he didn’t recognize this nurse either. She introduced herself as Kimi Wong and gave him some shocking news, she’d actually spoken to his friends! She actually spoke to Alaine and Lukus, also confirmed that Jeimos and Issac where on earth as well.

He was then disappointed to find out they where not in the hospital to see him, nor did this Kimi girl have a way of contacting them again. She apologized and told Evan the next time she sees them she will tell them where he is. While not exactly what he was looking for it help give Evan hope that he might soon get out of this miserable place and get back home.

*

This story just gets more and more interesting as it goes. Come in Kimi, I believe in you! Interesting to see the fae characters getting weaker without magic, I never even considered that myself. Can’t wait to see the next part. TO BE CONTINUED...?