#Donnie deserves some nice time to himself too

[hellishgayliath]

A moment of peace if you will

[allyheart707]

*walks into Room /w the turtles* me: I come baring gifts!!

*walks up to Donnie* “I got you noise canceling headphones and a weighted blanket! I.. I tried my best to get you a book, but they wouldn’t let me.” I kneel down and whisper “you’re doing great. I know it’s a scary situation and there a lot happening right now, but I believe in you. I’m so proud of how well you’ve been handling this change. Please remember it’s ok to be different and feel big emotions or no emotions at all. Don’t let anyone down you for who you are.”

*walks up to Leo* “I got you a wooden-play sword (for some reason that was ok for me to give you-) and a unicorn plush!” I whisper “you’re going to be just fine. Just know that you’re enough. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I’m so so SO proud of you. You’re the best fighter I’ve ever seen, you’re amazing! I adore your fighting skills. You’re not worthless. You shouldn’t have to earn people’s love. You’re deserving of all the love in the world.”

*walks up to mikey* “I got you finger paints and glitter!” I whisper “thank you for helping people. Your heart is so so big and beautiful!” *hug*

*walks up to Raph* “and last but never least, I got you a heart-shaped pillow and a friendship bracelet!” I whisper “you can do it. I love your kindness. I appreciate your want to help. You’re doing a great job bringing people and yourself together. Thank you for looking out for your brothers. Don’t worry too much big man.” *hug*

I would have drawn this all, but I’m in a motivation burn out rn :,) At least I was able to draw the gifts :D!

You are totally fine not being able to draw everything- I super get it! I also didn't end up drawing a lot for your response- but hopefully you still like it! It's more my retelling of events rather than continuing the story? Also- sorry in advance for how long it got, I was just very excited about all the adorable words you told each of them and how they would respond to it ;v;

Your ask was such a joy to read- tysm for sending it! :DD

Donnie stares at the large assortment of items in the person's hands, wondering which were for him, and for some of them.... what they even were. The human comes to him first and he tenses, confused as the stranger kneels down to his level. Odd, but Carol does it enough that he isn't completely lost.

“I got you noise canceling headphones and a weighted blanket! I.. I tried my best to get you a book, but they wouldn’t let me.” He stares at the items offered for a moment, then takes them with a small nod. He doesn't really know how to feel about them yet.

He holds the blanket that was covered in small glittering stars in his hands, the weight oddly comforting- Like when his brother hugs him, or the times he would hide under their bean bag. It was familiar. And, after inspecting the other grey object in his hand and connecting it to the words she spoke about "noise canceling", he assumes the soft cushions were meant for his ears. He slowly tested them out- pressing one against his right ear. Determining the effect wasn't painful or uncomfortable, he slid them all the way on.

The sound of Raph and Heishis whispered conversation, of Mikey's excited squealing, and of the humming of the vents was suddenly dulled.

It was.... nice.

He knew he should thank the person, he should be as excited as Mikey who was still squealing by her side.. but he didn't know the human. With the new room, his new "brothers", and everything else that had been happening.... he couldn't bring himself to force a smile or even muster a thank you, though he knew he should.

“you’re doing great. I know it’s a scary situation and there a lot happening right now, but I believe in you. I’m so proud of how well you’ve been handling this change. Please remember it’s ok to be different and feel big emotions or no emotions at all. Don’t let anyone down you for who you are.” She whispers to him.

He still didn't want to talk to the new lady, or smile at her, or thank her. But now he felt a swell of relief flood through him, because that was okay. So, he took the gifts with another nod and found his way to the corner of the room, watching with silent awe as she began to pass out the rest of the gifts.

Heishi watches tensely as the enemy first approaches Donnie, claiming that they had gifts for them. Right, like he would fall for that. This was clearly some scheme to lower their guard- but he was a warrior, not some child who could be so easily swayed.

He noted as Donnie made his way to the corner, blanket and headphones in hand. That left the strange viles, the sword (it was wooden, but with enough force maybe he could.... hmmm no, not yet. Not while still stuck in a locked room...), and a few other softer objects that he couldn't quite make out.

Then, it was with dread he realized that the enemy was approaching him next. His shoulders raised and he showed his teeth, hoping to scare her off. Thankfully, it seemed to work as she stopped a few feet away, bending down and offering the sword to him

“I got you a wooden-play sword (for some reason that was ok for me to give you-) and a unicorn plush!”

... Why would she give him a sword of any kind? UGH! Was he really that unthreatening? Was he really so bad at his one purpose that they would mock him by giving him weapons knowing they could beat him?!

... well he would show HER! He will take that silly play sword and-

“you’re going to be just fine. Just know that you’re enough. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I’m so so SO proud of you. You’re the best fighter I’ve ever seen, you’re amazing! I adore your fighting skills. You’re not worthless. You shouldn’t have to earn people’s love. You’re deserving of all the love in the world.”

... well, now it didn't really feel like she was mocking him- maybe she was just crazy.

"Yeah... well, I am the bestest warrior... I don't gotta earn anyone's love, cuz I'm... I'm just that cool. Heh." He stammers, rushing to grab the sword and the other item he hadn't really noticed before.

When he got a safe distance from the enemy, he wasn't exactly sure why he turned his back to the enemy but he just.... couldn't face her. His whole chest felt warm and oozy in a way he wasn't sure was normal.

He shook his head and focused back on the items in his hand.

The sword...

and...

Mikey was bouncing on his feet as he followed the new scientist around the new room. She was so nice- he hoped she would stay forever and ever! Maybe she could convince the scientist to let Carol come back and they could all play together? He squeaked again a the thought.

“I got you finger paints and glitter!” It took a moment for Mikey to realize she was talking to him, to absorbed in his daydreams of introducing her to Carol and George.

He claps his hands together and looks up at the sparkly tubes and jars of color that she held out for him. It felt like Christmas all over again!!

“thank you for helping people. Your heart is so so big and beautiful!”

He was hugging her before she could even finish the sentence, and he couldn't help but chirp with glee as she hugged back!

"Thank you! Ohmigosh!" He pulled away after a moment, taking the jars from her hands and spreading them out around him on the boring brown floor.

After a few moments of struggling against the lids, the vibrant colored jars were now open. He let out a mischievous giggle that turned into a cackle as he made up his mind:

These floors were not going to be boring brown any longer-

Raph stood awkwardly at the table, watching as one by one his brothers were distracted by the humans gifts. Finally, she turned to him.

“and last but never least, I got you a heart-shaped pillow and a friendship bracelet!”

His tail lightly twitched behind him, unsure if he should be excited or nervous. Pops told him that humans were dangerous to mutants like him but... this one seemed okay... maybe if he asked her nice enough she would take him home?

...no, no... he couldn't tell her where his home was. Dad said he could never, ever, EVER tell anyone where they lived.

But... then how would he get home? He frowned.

“you can do it. I love your kindness. I appreciate your want to help. You’re doing a great job bringing people and yourself together. Thank you for looking out for your brothers. Don’t worry too much big man.” She ended her small speech with a hug, which he melted into.

Yeah. I'm Raph, their big brother.

He had gotten this far, had found his brothers, had brought them together- even when pops said he that it wasn't possible!

And, now he just had to bust them all out of here!!

He smiled at his new friend, and gave her a toothy grin.

Raph was going to be the best big brother they ever had!

[turrondeluxe]

Hey ik on that "equally distribute the horrors" post, a lot of people were talking about Mikey needing horrors (tbh he deserves some, they all need equal rights to the horrors.), but I've never seen anyone even talk about the horrors for Raph? Maybe that's just me and my web experience tho. (If you have any examples of Raph dealing with the horrors pls list them, my cousin ((who also says Mikey needs more horrors, at least)) and I are desperate)

ah that's probably because i specified mikey in the tags because im a mikey enjoyer who is followed principally by more mikey enjoyers teeheee

but huh

i guess i understand what you mean

in terms of Raph Horrors™ we have

mmmm i unfortunately won't include every single horror from every single tmnt iteration out there. there's too many for me to remember all the specific raph horrors from each of them rn so i'll just list some random ones off the top of my head 😺

Feel free to add more to the raph horrors list! lol

Mirage

- Raphael gets progressively demutated and basically reverts to a normal turtle for a while

(the panels of when this was happening were actually very emotive and made me cry) he does say this when he's back to normal which i find very funny tho

90's movies

- Raph gets beaten the fuck up and then gets thrown trough a skylight. He's then placed in a bath tub while he heals (Leo is the one who never leaves his side on this iteration)

2003

- Nearly injures Mikey greatly with a metal tube because of anger (He feels really bad about this and i def think this moment never truly left his brain ever)

- Getting kidnapped by footbots, getting interrogated by Hun

- All the fights with shredder or karai/all the injuries gotten in all the fights with shredder or karai

- Same As It Never Was Raph

- Watching his injured older brother get thrown to a window and watch said older brother heal from his wounds

- Seeing himself as the shredder/ thinking himself as the shredder

- Got his home raided countless times

- Getting separated from his younger brothers + dad in one of said times and waiting alone in the surface without knowing if his family even made it out alive

- Witnessed dad get disintegrated

- Brainwashed (actually getting infected with a digital virus but eh). Him and his brothers are foot ninjas for an unspecified amount of time (maybe days). During this, shredder sends the brothers to the most mortal/difficult missions in hopes that they die under his command.

- Getting thrown into the future (Raph is the one brother who hates this event the most lmao)

2007

- Witnesses older brother get kidnapped and blames himself for it

2011 IDW

- Raph gets separated from his family before mutating. Spends years homeless and by himself before his brothers find him again (this forever makes raph feel that even if he's with his family. he somehow doesn't belong)

- Right after getting mutated he spent some time being cared by Buck (blind homeless guy that is the first person ever/parent figure that's nice to Raph). Watches Buck get beaten to death. (Possibly. Buck did survive but i can't remember if he did die because of his injuries. still. traumatizing to raph that was still fairly new to the world)

- Forced to be family warrior/protector (he doesn't want this, he just wants to be a farmer man 😔👊)

- Witnessed shredder stab Casey (Raph's bestie/first ever friend that he relates to)

- Had to fight against brainwashed brother (Foot Leo)

- Witnessed Donnie's corpse (would def fuck u up if you feel like the protection of your family is your responsibility)

- Gets kidnapped and experimented with/tortured

- Dad dies, rip 🕊️

2012

- Losing Spike (he literally stayed 15 years underground with only his family for company. spike meant so much to him)

- Watching mikey get hurt because of his bad leadership literally made him freeze up and not know what to do at all

- The whole scene of splinter letting his brothers insult him. what the hell 💀

- Fighting his (brainwashed/hypnotized?) dad

- Cockroach mutant

- THE FUCKED UP SQUIRRELS

- Watching his older brother get thrown trough a window (the sequel). And watching said older brother be extremely injured.

- Leo 3 month coma

- GETTING TURNED INTO A PLANT?

- Brainwashed via worm that ate all the way through his skull and into his brain

- Dad dies, rip 🕊️ the sequel (this happens quite a bit in the series) and hil being in the front row of how splinter gets mortally wounded and then thrown off the roof

- Fighting his family while brainwashed

- kidnapped and being put into an oven to die (and would have died if leo didn't go ham and destroyed his enclosure)

- Witnessed someone kill himself while he was actively trying to prevent it

- Witnessing the death of both two little brothers

- Witnessing older brother nearly die. Again (Again. this happens quite a bit in the series)

- the whole mutant bomb apocalypse holy shit

theres def more that im forgetting mb

Bayverse

- Home gets raided, the sequel

- All brothers get kidnapped except for him

- BROKEN SHELL BECAUSE OF SHREDDER AND HE JUST KEEPS GOING???? please..............take one second to rest THATS YOUR SPINE

Rise

- Eldest sister syndrome

- The fucking bunny plushie that I've forgotten the name of (his siblings were so mean for no reason at all that ep 😭)

- Rise shredder

- Having to forcefully remove his family from deathly situation even if it meant leaving a beloved family member behind (he prob blames himself about karai ....augh)

- Kidnapped/taken hostage (?)

- Kraang Brainwashed

- Having to fight younger brother while brainwashed

- Apocalyptic Kraang Future

The last ronin

- Died for literally no reason at all . fly high king 🕊️

Mutant mayhem

- Getting kidnapped (quite violently too)

- Milking Machine

- Getting shell cracked from being squished too hard

[nerves-nebula]

Inspired by the art you reblogged from Tapakah0.

Donnie deserves to be a little shithead too:

——

It wasn’t uncommon for Donnie to lock himself away for days at a time. He came out for meals when he remembered (or was loudly reminded), but typically during these times they wouldn’t see him until whatever project he’d thrown himself into was finished.

When he re-emerged, they’d all ask him about what he was up to in his absence, and usually he would tell them.

This time, however, he just smiled and said “You’ll see.” with an ominous smile that reminded them all far too much of their father.

—

They were back at the farmhouse, having a nice time off as a family. April and Casey had joined them, the whole gang excited to spend some quality time together without having to worry about responsibilities or other annoying things.

Mikey and April were baking a cake in the kitchen. Raph and Leo were pretending to teach Casey to meditate and sticking things in his hair to see how long it would take him to notice.

Donnie snuck to his room, pulling the new invention out of its hiding place and setting it up. He pulled on some gloves- not uncommon, it was getting a bit cold- to hide the mechanisms hidden in his palms. With a mischievous giggle he flexed the prosthetic fingers, watching them sync up to his movements.

He took a moment to stim out his giggles, flapping his hands to help him calm down before calmly leaving back into the main area.

“I’m gonna bite your fuckin’ face!” Casey yelled, grabbing for Raph, somewhere near thirty odd sticks and leaves in his hair, as well as a couple forks and a margarita umbrella. Leo was on the floor, his eyes nearly bulging out of his eyes as he laughed, holding his stomach in pain.

Raph leapt over the back of the couch, screaming as Casey followed after him, nearly taking off the screen door as he bolted to try to escape his boyfriend’s wrath.

Donnie chuckled and stood over Leo, looking down at him, “So what w-was the final co-count?”

Leo giggled, “Thirty-seven, and that’s only because April poked her head in and laughed. He caught Raph with a stick in his hand.”

Donnie rolled his eyes and held out a hand, helping Leo up to his feet.

Leo didn’t notice.

“Where’d you go?” Leo asked, “You good?”

“Mmhm.” Donnie smiled, “Just had to ch-check something.”

“Okay.” Leo shrugged, accepting the answer, “April said they’re gonna ice the cake soon. I was gonna go see if I could help, wanna come?”

“Absolutely.”

The kitchen wasn’t a total mess, but there were definitely a lot of bowls in the sink. Mikey had his tongue stuck out while he smeared icing over the cake, making a solid base for any decorations they added after. April was sitting with him, mixing dyes into even portions of icing, coloring them all colors of the rainbow.

“Can we help?” Leo asked, leaning over the table, grinning, “I wanna draw a bunny.”

“Faggot.” Mikey coughed.

Leo punched him in the shoulder, “Your mom.”

April pointed to the counter, “The icing bags are over there. Grab me the roll and we can get them prepped.”

Donnie did that, handing the box to April, who paused. She stared at his hands for a good ten seconds before looking up at him, confusion evident on her face.

He winked.

She snorted and said nothing, taking the bags to start shoveling icing into them. He grabbed a spatula and helped, sitting next to her. As soon as they were all full Leo and Mikey were grabbing their colors and doodling all over it, making flowers and drawing faces and other things. April joined them, taking the green to make four tiny turtles climbing the side of the cake. Donnie took the purple and drew some random shapes.

Eventually Raph and Casey came back in, both a little scuffed up, and joined in the decoration… until Casey dared Raph to eat all the red icing left and Raph stepped up to the challenge, daring Casey to do the same with the yellow.

Needless to say, neither wanted any cake afterward.

Donnie offered to cut the cake, taking a knife and deftly twirling it in his fingers a couple times before slicing in to make the slices as even as he could.

“Yo what the fuck?!”

Donnie forced himself not to grin, looking to Mikey, who had not only shouted but also leapt up onto a chair, “Wh-what? What’s wrong?”

“Your hand!”

Donnie looked at his hand, feigning confusion, “What about i-it?”

Mikey grabbed his wrist, lifting his hand to show it to everyone, “Donnie’s fucking mutated again!”

“Whoa!” Leo laughed, “Your hand! Is it on both? Oh, gross.”

“What are you guys talking about?” April said, looking Donnie in the eyes with a steely determination and a devious grin on her lips, “Donnie’s always had five fingers. How did you never notice?”

Raph grabbed Donnie’s other hand, staring at it like it offended him, “You’re lying.”

“N-no?” Donnie lied, “I always th-thought I was weird b-because my hands were different.”

Leo reached out and touched Donnie’s fingers with his own, “This is so strange.”

“Why do you think he’s so good with tech?” April chuckled, playing it cool by grabbing the knife to get herself a slice of cake, “He’s got the extra dexterity.”

“Whoa.” Mikey gasped, “How did we never notice?”

Leo looked at his own hands, “We’ve held hands to go places! How did I not realize?”

“I’m still calling bullshit.” Raph crossed his arms, “I would’ve noticed. Casey, did you ever notice?”

Casey met Raph’s gaze, completely silent.

“Right, nevermind.”

Donnie and April were able to hold out on the lie for almost forty-five minutes. Raph tried to catch Donnie by making him use his hands to twirl his bō or juggle, but Donnie had prepared for that inevitability.

In the end, it was actually Casey who called him out.

“Oh! They’re lying.” Casey grinned, “Gotcha, nerd!” He slammed his phone down, showing them a picture taken a few months back. It was a selfie of Casey and the guys, with Donnie waving in the background, clearly three-fingered.

April and Donnie burst out laughing. They ignored the rude names shouted at them as they leaned on one another, gasping for air.

“You fucking gaslit us!” Leo slapped his shell, “You bastard!”

“I felt like a piece of shit!” Mikey screamed, “I thought I’d missed something huge!”

“I’m going to drown you.” Raph rubbed his face, “I’m going to end your fucking life.”

Donnie was crying.

—

In the end he showed them the prosthetics, showing off how he’d synced them to match the movements of his other fingers and revealed just how long he’d been working on this particular prank. He also promised April a favor of her choice for making it even better.

Mikey shoved cake in his face.

——

Get fuckin pranked assholes

-Monster Anon

hahh thats adorable !! thank you

[bluepeachstudios]

GitS Asks!

Not as much as he does the boys. April's pretty good about having her own fun, she's got a family to go back to, she can separate herself when she needs to. She can handle herself!

Noted 👀 Though I don't read fanfic very often because I'm. Usually too busy writing it. fhgdkjgf I'm already behind on stuff I want to read. I will put it on my List.

Leo's least favorite is math, he finds it boring as all hell. Raph's least favorite is chemistry. He cannot get any of it right for the life of him. He accidentally made mustard gas once and from then on Donnie was paired with him to make sure that didn't happen again. Mikey's is history! He has a hard time just sitting still and listening. Donnie's least favorite is the mystic arts. He thinks it's unnecessary for him, because he doesn't have a mystic weapon.

Ghost just tells them he's going to teach them something today and they pretty much all show up. If they miss a day, he doesn't scold them about it or anything, he just lets them miss it. If they don't understand something because of it later, he can just teach it to them again. Normally they don't miss more than a day at a time, and if they do there's usually something else going on. Ghost is homeschooling them, and it's not like they're going to college. The point is learning, not to make them suffer when they don't feel like it. ;)

Splinter was giving the boys an education! He taught them colors, and alphabets, and how to read, how to clean, how to take care of themselves. Splinter taught them a lot, and Ghost knows that. He's not mad for Splinter focusing on the more practical things and less on the academic side.

Oh yeah he's gonna flip y'all.

"Who?"

Spoilers! Though I am now thinking of that 03 episode during fast forward where they go to the gala and Donnie is wearing a purple suit. Thank you.

Ghost is still kinda active with the homeless community. He doesn't talk to them, or really show himself at all, but he drops off blankets and clothes he finds when scavenging.

Ghost doesn't know about Don stealing from ATMs at the moment! He won't mind it, though. He's not hurting anyone but big banks by doing it.

Oh you think Ghost's self-blame and self-hatred is bad now? NOTHING compared to what it would be if he'd fallen into Rise after experiencing SAINW. He knows what's going to happen to his brothers. He knows he disappeared, and that the world ended because of it. He'd work a lot harder. I don't think he'd pay any attention to the kids, honestly, I think he'd be neck-deep in making a portal, trying everything, retrying it.

Ghost has accepted that he's stuck in his dimension. Donatello would not.

The TECH! It's so much easier to get high-grade metal and supplies in Rise! He can get SO MUCH SHIT! No wonder Donnie can build things so nicely, people dump out nice stuff!

Welcome to ow, I'll be your host-

Spppoiiilerrsssss? I think? Probably???

It does! There was a poll quite a ways back that even asked if Ghost ends up with Leo or with the other boys. He's in Tahiti. ;)

Phantom is far less scarred than Ell. He still has the leather jacket because I feel like he deserves a leather jacket. Ghost doesn't have the scar over his eye because of Phantom. When Ghost disappeared to the Battle Nexus to try and find answers, Phantom immediately started looking for him. Ghost had only meant to go for a day, but was trapped by Big Mama and forced to fight. Phantom found him and pulled him out of there before he ever got the scar.

Some things are universal constants :)

Whether they survive it or not is different.

Oh 03 Donatello is completely destroyed. He blames himself entirely. He works all the time to get his lost brother back. Ell and Spirit don't blame Donny, but Mike does a bit. It's easier to be mad at someone than the universe.

w... what about it....

Bold of you to assume that Ghost isn't going to break that curse

Rise boys are starting to realize their mentor isn't invincible and immortal. Terrifying thing to learn.

Thank you!! Glad you like it!

[terrahlee-cup]

I’m just slowly adding more chapters to each of these because otherwise the number of notifications would be a lot lol @raphaelesbian

Foive (The sleep deprivation is invading the main posts more and more teehee)

Aw Donnie no 🥹 I get migraines and owwww. Just wanna… toss pain meds at him. Bonk.

Ah of course Raph can’t relax our boy is so wound up at this point. I do wonder how long Karai messing with the Foot will work. Any time she’s physically present for one of these things she risks being recaptured.

“maybe she just deserved some time without someone trying to hunt her down, friend or foe.” That is very sweet actually. Like, yes she’s still in danger, but she’s getting a bit to do her own thing. 

“If he was pissy when Raph escaped he was livid now that Karai was gone, too.” Yeah that tracks lol. Oh and he’s doing shit himself now that’s… niiiiiiice? Raph is not going to be okay if they actually have to fight him is he.

These kids need somewhere safe to chill where they can get away from each other for a bit. All of them are on edge and stuck in the same space that is never going to go well. “The Lair had become a pressure cooker, and Raph was about ready to burst.” This is not going to be pretty is it.

Lmao how the turn tables— please be careful bud. Aw they’re bonding! They’re so sleep deprived which same, but they’re bonding! Making dark jokes back and forth is a glorious bonding activity.

“They have the self-preservation skills of a group of lemmings.” The jumping off cliffs thing is a myth but- wait Raph’s a fucking lemming. He is THE SAME. FU-

“What if you weren’t alone?” Oh these little shits. You ALL have the self-preservation skills of lemmings. Like these two totally deserve to blow off some steam but I am NOT excited to see them possibly get caught again… anyway BIG SISTER BONDING THROUGH CRIME FUCK YEAH.

“And here I was already planning out the colors for our friendship bracelets.” *stares at a certain piece of fanart and loudly sips drink*

Seex (Hey remember that discord typo-)

Raph being too excited about causing problems to fight with his brothers I can’t lol- these two should never be allowed to go on missions alone.

Bradford hurt Mikey and Raph shall never forget. Good. Karai really said “how in the fuck are you doing that.”

“launder, like laundry?” I mean… close enough? I guess they’re technically washing it? Of the crime? Just not… normally. Um. Yeah close enough.

CRIMES WITH BIG SISTER FUCK YEAH part 2. These two are menaces I am so happy for them. Cause chaos children, go forth. Also MORE BONDING! They’re having so much fun they deserve this.

Sparring instead of committing more crime— yeah a break’s probably a good idea at this point. These two have been through so much recently so seeing them sort of give each other some room to breathe is so nice. They both need it so badly.

Sevan~

Karai gets to be a bad influence the chapter. The teenagers have obtained alcohol everyone, you have been warned. Also Karai, hun, he’d probably have had less intense of a reaction if you’d said what the mystery liquid was before drinking it <3

Raph drank way too much immediately because of course he did lmao. Karai’s “oh dear” reaction— see what you’ve done to him ma’am? His brain is soup. Soup! Stands up and immediately nope HELP-

I really like how these two’s relationship has built up to this point. They’re both a lot more blunt than Raph’s brothers, and it seems to be working in their favor for once. They’ve done a bit of ‘casual’ hanging out, but they also kinda just skipped to having important conversations that they probably both need. Also, these two feel older than the other turtles after everything. Karai just *is*, but the way Raph acts with her is different. I don’t entirely know how to put words to it? They’re being rebellious and doing stupid shit, sure, but it also seems like they’re actually working through things a bit. It’s not just screwing around for the sake of it. I dunno, they have ‘older siblings that are starting to need more of their own space’ vibes.

[yanteetle]

Based on my post right here

Teets: *compliments my Yandere purple dragons x Donnie thing*

Me: … *pulls out procreate* (what have I done?!?!)

I need to request a one shot for this-

Anyways, enjoy my maybe-good 3 day project :) )

More head cannons!

Jason tries to be by Donnie’s side at every waking moment. And I mean every. Waking. Moment. He even hugs Donnie whilst he sleeps… he is probably the most delusional of the trio, believing that Donnie will, in time, accept his new boyfriends and girlfriend with a smile.

Jeremy and Kendra acknowledge that Donnie will most likely never accept his new home, but they go about this in different ways. Kendra would constantly make new restraints (and kill Donnie’s family-) and Jeremy would try to be as kind and patient as possible. I’d imagine Jeremy holding Donnie in his arms whilst Donnie is struggling, trying to escape his personal hell…

Kendra would find the hidden city from the drone that follows Donnie everywhere. I imagine her to try and use mystics to prevent Donnie from leaving… hence the interesting cuff I gave donnie in this piece…

Also, Donnie better be able to handle lots of physical and mental affection, because he is about to be pampered heavily. I mean, that IS how they tricked him into believing they were just some online strangers when they were cyberstalking him…

Oh, and speaking of cyberstalking, all of Donnie’s information and digital footprints are downloaded to their computers now. Hopefully he isn’t too embarrassed to share it…

Donnie seemed to have found himself in quite the situation. (Un)Luckily for him, a specific trio is determined to give him the affection and love he deserves…

(Again, what have I done?!?! I feel like I butchered poor Jeremy a bit-

Well, I cannot submit this anonymously. Please enjoy it whilst I die of embarrassment in the corner.

You may be wondering why I made Donnie so terrified. Well, even his bad-boy image cannot hide the fear he is feeling. He is trapped in the enemy hands, completely stripped of anything that could possibly save him from this situation…)

FAM. FAM. USUALLY.... I'd hate the concept of yandere villains trying to kidnap and kill of the mc's remaining family, But THIS?? I might just let it slide because DUDE YOUR HEADCANNONS ARE SO NICE!! <3 And how you drew them?? IMMACULATE. I'm honored that you're even showing this to me to begin with! I'm analyzing the little details in here AND IM LOVING EVERY BIT OF IT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND AHUSDJKNASMNda- The mystic restrainer?? DUDE I didn't even think of something like that! And how you designed and drew his restraints looks amazing! I'm so sorry for responding to this so late, but you don't understand how much I adore your concept and ideas for it! <33 My kendratello heart is SOARING at your ideas and I'm really grateful you wanted to show this to me! Please have a good day and thank you for this! Sending so many virtual hugs and love! <33

[tworoadsandapenny]

What You Wish For: Chapter 18. Before the Dawn

It's taken three years to finally figure out this ending. Three years. Not out of a loss of muse or life getting too busy or forgetting about the story, no! But due to rewrite after rewrite after rewrite after rewrite! Ugh.

I warned you all in my first story, I’m terrible at endings. But at last, I think I’ve finally managed to stumble into a proper finale for this angsty beast.

To those who are still reading, I appreciate you more than I can say. And I apologize for the wait. Just know you weren’t forgotten, I’ve been working on this story the whole time. But I needed to find a resolution these poor brothers deserved that didn’t feel forced or overly “neat” (because nothing about grief is neat).

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The walls of the lair were eerily quiet. And there were a lot more shadows and random squeaks and squeals in the sewer at this hour. Perfect setting for a horror movie, Raph couldn’t help but think as he wandered through the empty lair. He wasn’t used to being awake so late. Normally when they got home from patrol he’d cool off with a quick work out, maybe a small snack, then put head to pillow and pass out immediately.

His routine had changed lately.

He had to do the rounds. Inform Splinter about events on patrol, check in on Mikey (he’d come home with a bad cold the other day and was taking full advantage of the pampering his illness allowed), and make sure Don actually slept for at least a few hours every night. All chores that had become his responsibility since Leo left three months ago to go on a mission with the Ancient One.

Three months without Leo.

It had been more of an adjustment than Raph expected. The first few days were no different than any of the other times he’d been away, and it was nice being the “responsible” sibling for a change. Made Raph feel important. Needed. But by the end of the second week, responsibility had become a hefty burden. Almost too much. Like weight training; the first few lifts are easy, but as you keep going, it gets heavier and heavier. And the weight of Leo’s absence was one he didn’t think he could carry for much longer.

Though, it wasn’t just the chores. If Raph was being honest with himself—only here, in the confines of his mind where no one else could hear—he would admit, he missed his brother’s presence. Didn’t miss getting bossed around or being coddled, but it was comforting having Leo nearby. On missions and at home. Having that sense of someone always being at your back was reassuring. Especially when it was someone like Leo who always seemed to have a solution for when things went wrong. Not to mention he was more entertaining to poke fun at than Mikey. And he certainly made for a good sparring partner.

Yeah, Raph liked having big brother around. Even if he was a pain in the ass.

He'd never say any of that out loud. But he would quietly think it the next time he saw their fearless leader.

Whenever that was.

Shaking the thought away, Raph continued on his rounds for the evening. He had one more chore for the night: make sure Donnie actually got some sleep. The egghead had been getting lost in another invention of his and ignoring his bed for several weeks. Raph had to force him to sleep for the past three days now. How Fearless ever dealt with this with any amount of patience was beyond him, but he channeled his best Leo impression and walked to Don’s door.

Low and behold, the tall turtle was still sitting at his desk.

Raph couldn’t help a quick roll of his eyes as he entered. “Don, how many times I gotta tell ya—” He cut himself off as soon as he got close enough to hear the light snore whistling through the room. A grin split his lips as he rounded his brother’s shell to see him passed out in his chair, arms pillowed under his head, a half-drained cup of coffee beside the keyboard, a pencil precariously balancing on his slack fingers, his purple mask half raised on his face so it only covered one eye, and a small trail of spit drooling down his chin. Probably fell asleep mid equation.

Raph shook his head. Why is it smart people never take their own advice; how many times had Don lectured them about the importance of sleep for both body and mind?

Taking a moment to snap a quick photo (for future blackmailing purposes of course) Raph debated whether it was worth waking the night owl to get him to a proper bed. He’d probably just start working again, and Raph was too tired for an argument tonight.

Don coughed lightly, shifting his head on his arm as his brow furrowed in his sleep. Was he getting sick, too? All these late nights with nothing but coffee and pizza to sustain him, it wouldn’t really be surprising. And it’s not like Mikey was careful about not spreading germs. Chancing a brush of his brother’s forehead, Raph felt a definitive heat radiating under his hand.

“Dammit, Donnie.” He mumbled to himself.

Deciding it was too risky to wake him, Raph stomped over to the bed and yanked the blanket away to drape it over Don in his chair. Guess he wasn’t going to sleep much tonight, he’d be up checking on his idiot-genius brother every few hours. Maybe he should go get the thermometer to make sure the fever wasn’t—

“Leo…” Don was mumbling in his sleep. His frown suddenly deepened, his face twisting into a pained grimace before his eyes shot open and his body spiked upright quick as a lightning strike. “LEO!”

“Whoa, whoa, easy Don.” Raph calmed, waiting until his brother’s eyes focused a little more before continuing. “You alright?”

“Yeah…” Don puffed a few rapid breaths as his mind finished separating reality from specter. “Just a bad dream.” He took a final long exhale, releasing the rest of the fear from his eyes. Almost. There were still a few remnants that Raph could see.

“’Bout Leo?” When Don looked at him with surprise he explained. “You were talkin’ in your sleep.” He looked almost embarrassed, especially as he wiped the drool from his face, but Raph was still curious. “Why are you havin’ nightmares about Leo? You know something I don’t?”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” Don waved off. “I just… you know…” At Raph’s curious cock of his brow, Don sighed. “It’s been a long time since he’s been away like this. I’m not used to not having him around. My mind keeps concocting new ways that his mission could be going wrong and the terrible things that could be happening to him. I know—” He cut Raph off before he could interject. “—it’s not likely. I know he’s probably fine. I guess… I guess I just miss him.”

Raph couldn’t object to that. Though a few things were starting to add up now. “Is that why you’ve been staying up and working on projects?”

Don nodded timidly. “It’s easier to ignore the irrational fears when I’m focused on a project. And it has the added benefit of keeping me from sleep and therefore keeping me from dreaming. But I guess even my body has it’s limits when it comes to sleep deprivation.” He looked at his half-filled cup of coffee. “I must have fallen asleep while working on—” He paused, turning to eye Raph curiously. “Wait… I know why I’m up, but what are you doing awake? And in my room? And—?” He finally took note of the blanket around his shoulders that certainly hadn’t been there when he fell asleep. A coy, affectionate, smile crawled across his lips as he turned to his brother. “Were you checking up on me?”

Raph folded his arms to hide the embarrassment of being caught being protective. “I was just making sure you and your bed were still on speaking terms.”

“Wow. That’s… That’s so—”

“If you say ‘sweet’ I’m gonna put you to sleep the old fashioned way.”

Don chuckled lightly, raising a hand in surrender when his brother cracked his knuckles. “I was going to say that’s very Leo of you.”

Huh. Raph wasn’t sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. Before he had a chance to make up his mind, Don started coughing again. It was worse than when he’d been asleep, it sounded wet and heavy. “That’s it Egg-Head, time for you to rest that big brain of yours.”

Don gave no protest, rubbing his temples as his eyes started to ache. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Raph waited for his brother to actually get in bed and under the covers. “If I come back here in a few hours and find you at your desk again—”

Don raised his hand in surrender once more. “I know, I know. I’ll sleep, I promise.”

True to his word, when Raph returned ten minutes later to check in, he found Don fast asleep in his bed, no lights on or books nearby to indicate he’d tried to continue working. Good. Raph nodded his approval before heading for the kitchen. Staying up this late made him hungry.

Quietly as possible—so as not to wake the endless food-pit that was his youngest brother—he heated up some leftover pizza and headed for the couch in the living room. If he was going to be up checking on Donnie in a few hours, may as well stay awake with a movie or something instead of trying to sleep. And wouldn’t you know it, there was a Rocky marathon on TV. Perfect.

But it didn’t take long before exhaustion set in. Despite his many demands that his eyes remain open, he passed out before the end of the first movie.

His senses slowly came back to him as his eyes opened before he told them to. How long had he been out? Groggy as he was, it took a minute to realize he’d been covered with a blanket and the television had been turned off. Who had—

A noise come from the med bay. Raph looked at the clock and sighed heavily. Don must be up and about again. How many times did he have to be told that four hours a night wasn’t enough sleep?

Cursing aloud, Raph rubbed the lethargy from his eyes and forced himself to stand, sluggishly stomping toward the med bay. “Dammit Don, I swear I will smother you with a pillow if you don’t get your shell back in—” He stopped short as he entered the room and was greeted by a different sibling.

“You’re up early.”

“Leo!?” His excitement caught him off guard and he wasn’t able to catch the smile that split his lips. “When did you get home!?”

“About half an hour ago.”

“Well why didn’t you say any—” As he stepped closer, Raph noticed the needle and thread in his brother’s hand. His arm was bleeding.

Leo was quick to reassure. “It’s just a scratch.”

But his words fell on deaf ears. ‘Just a scratch’ with Leo could mean anything from an actual scratch to a fatal stab wound. The blood was coming from the back of his left arm, right near the shoulder. Twist as he may, the older turtle was clearly having trouble reaching it. Raph huffed and walked over, grabbing the needle and thread and sitting on the stool behind his brother. “I got it.”

First making sure the cut wasn’t actually life threatening, Raph cleaned it and began sewing small stitches as he’d seen Donnie do many a time. “So who’s the lucky SOB that actually managed to cut ya?”

“A giant lizard creature with a heavy battle axe and a real bad temper.”

Raph snorted a quick laugh. “You get to have all the fun.”

Leo quirked a smile. “How have things been here? The other two felt like they had fevers, are they sick?”

So big brother had already done the rounds and checked on everyone. That explained the blanket. “Mike’s on the mend, but I think Don’s caught it now. He’s been workin’ himself too hard.” With only a hint of accusation, Raph added. “He was worried about you. They both were.” From behind Raph couldn’t see his brother’s face, but the slight bow of his head meant the guilt was settling in. Good. He should feel bad. “You could have called.”

“Sorry.” Leo shrugged and reached behind his back to pull out his shell-cell, busted in at least three different places. “The Ancient One is great at many things, but fixing cell phones isn’t one of them.” He paused, glancing back at his brother over his shoulder. “Seems like you had everything under control though.”

“I don’t think you can use the word ‘control’ when Mikey’s involved.”

“I’m serious. I’m glad you were here. It’s…” He paused like he wasn’t sure he wanted to finish his thought, and when he spoke again his voice was much more somber. “It’s comforting to know you can handle things if something ever happened to me.”

That halted Raph in his tracks, his hands pausing as his eyes snapped up to his brother’s. “You in some kinda trouble that I should know about?”

“No.”

“Then what the shell is that kind of talk for?” It was putting Raph on edge and he didn’t like it.

Leo shook his head—humorously or in annoyance Raph couldn’t tell—and waved his brother off. “Just had a lot of time to think lately. That’s all. I was trying to pay you a compliment.”

“Well you suck at it.” But there was something his brother wasn’t saying, and Raph wasn’t sure he wanted to know what. With two more quick stitches, he cut the thread and placed a bandage over the wound. “Done.”

“Thanks.” Leo gave an experimental roll of his shoulder, testing the feel of it with stitches now in place. He gathered his weapons and headed for the door.

“Hey.” Raph waited till his brother’s shell was to him before speaking. “I got them.” Leo turned, eyeing Raph curiously as he continued. “Not that it’ll ever be necessary because we all know you’re harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids, but if it ever did—I mean if something ever happened—" He paused awkwardly, rolling his eyes at himself and this whole ridiculous conversation. “I got them.”

There was a long moment of silence, like Leo wasn’t sure how to reply, which only made Raph feel like more of an idiot. But his brother suddenly stretched his hand out expectantly, his eyes intensely serious. “Promise?”

Raph returned the look with one of his own, taking his brother’s hand with a good firm grip. “Yeah.”

And then Leo smiled and Raph had no idea why but it made him feel instantly proud of himself. How did he do that?

That was big brother for you.

A whine from down the hall snaked it’s way into the room, and both siblings easily recognized Mikey’s voice crying out for Raph. The red-banded turtle shrugged his shoulders emphatically and began walking away. “He’s your problem now, Fearless. Welcome home.”

Leo chuckled lightly. “No place like it.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's been a year now since we buried him. A year since he was placed in that peaceful spot by the trees. A year since that rock became the last marker of his life.

Feels like decades. Feels like yesterday.

Being that this is our first "vacation" up here without him, we're all a little wary as we step out of the truck. It's not as heavy as it was when we came up to burry him, or when we visited six months ago after my run-in with Hun. But it still feels wrong.

Everything feels wrong without him.

I'm doing my best nowadays to not cause trouble, so I wait by the trailer and see what the others do. Mikey doesn't even hesitate, bounding over to the grave, shouting something about "saying hello" and pulling Don along with him. Splinter and April only smile as they follow, and Case shoots me a knowing shrug as he walks along with them.

I tell my legs to follow, but they suddenly feel like led.

It's not a big deal, it's just a grave. Ain't no different than talking to his picture back in the dojo.

But I... I can't move toward it.

Maybe it's talking to him around other people. Or talking to that cold stone instead of a picture. Or maybe it's knowing that his body is here, six feet under, decomposing and covered in worms and dirt and--STOP. I'm gonna make myself hurl if I don't change the subject.

A long, heavy sigh escapes me as I stare at the ground a moment longer.

Just a grave.

I force my legs to move.

By the time I'm finally able to meander over, Mikey is already yammering on about the drive up and everything that's been happening since that nightmare of a night. He says something about me, but I don't quite catch it. My focus is drawn elsewhere. One look at that stone, at the name etched in it, and I can feel old instincts returning. Old instincts to run from the pain. From the guilt. From everything.

Breathe through it. Splinter says to breathe and ground myself by remembering what I have to stay for.

I glance around at my family in front of me, eyeing each of them in turn and trying not to be distracted by the sadness that's sprinkled into their demeanor.

Running didn't solve anything. I ain't going down that road again. I couldn't do that to my family again. My eyes clock the name once—

A chill runs down my spine as I freeze in place, staring at the watery puddle of red that’s slowly crawling towards me.

Leo’s staring at his stomach. There’s blood dripping down his fingers.

“Leo—!"

“…M’Sorry.”

Suddenly I'm back on that roof, with the rain on my shell, the blood on my hands, and Leo's cold body laying still in my arms.

Panic rises with the instant intensity of an erupting volcano. My fingers curl into my palms and dig into my skin, my eyes snap shut--as if closing them will take away memory--and it's all I can do to hold my breath so I don't scream.

No. No, breathe. Sensei says breathe through it. Don't block it out, but don't let it take over. Just breathe.

"Raph?"

Damn. Mikey noticed. I open my eyes to see everyone staring at me with the same concern on their faces they've been suffocating me with all year. I'm glad they're here, I don't want to block them out like I did before, but damn what I wouldn't give to go a day—just one day!—without making them all look at me like that.

"You okay?" Mikey finally asks. "Was it something I said?"

"Just enjoying the fresh air." I breathe deep again, a little more dramatically to really sell my next quip. "Six hours in a windowless trailer with your B.O was making me dizzy."

That seems to abate their worry. When in doubt, insult Mikey. Works every time.

"Why don't I go make us some dinner?" Casey changes the subject abruptly. "I've been itchin' to use the barbecue out here, it makes the best hot dogs you ever ate!"

"No pizza?"

"There are other foods, Mikey." April adds with a twinge of a giggle.

The conversation drifts off as they all head back to the cabin, leaving only me and Don at the grave.

I cast a glance at my younger brother, watching closely as he kneels before the stone. There’s a somberness in his movements that goes beyond grief, stretching to something dangerously close to guilt. I should know.

"Leo..." He kneels down and looks at the stone, running his hand along the carved katakana.

He's still grieving. I mean, we all are, but Don most of all. He's been so busy worrying about everyone else--about me, mostly--I think he's forgotten to deal with his own pain.

Sounds like another brother I know.

"You okay?" He asks as he stands up, looking me over like he's trying to get a bead on where my head is at.

I fold my arms in front of me and meet his eyes with a stern look of my own. "Yeah. You?"

"Just tired from the trip." He's a terrible liar. "Are you coming inside?"

"Not yet."

He pauses, worry jumping into his features faster than a lightning strike. "You want some company? I don't mind staying out a bit longer."

"Nah." I try to sound as casual as I can. "You better go inside and make sure Case doesn't set the joint on fire." He remains still, flitting between looking at me and the grave, clearly unconvinced I'm as chill as I say. So I make eye contact and add emphatically, "I'm fine, Don. Just got a few things I want to say. Alone."

That was what he needed. "Okay." He's still reluctant, but he heads towards the house.

Shit, I should say--"Don," He stops far too quickly, like he was hoping for me to ask him to stay. I don't turn to look at him, but I make sure he can hear me. "I'm... I'm here for you too, you know. If you need to talk... or something... I'm here."

I can almost hear the smile that creeps across his face at my bumbling attempt to comfort, but before he walks away I hear a surprisingly sincere "thanks Raph" roll over his shoulder.

Well, I said something. No idea if he'll actually follow through, but I guess so long as he knows... that's enough, right?

I sigh heavily again.

I’ll check in with him later.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Slowly. Take it slowly. One step at a time.”

I breathe deep, tapping down the annoyance flaring in my chest as I focus on my slow and pitiful walk up the stairs. I know Don’s just worried I’ll push too hard and tear my stiches open, but he’s got to realize how condescending he’s being.

Not that I’ll say anything about it. I ain’t got no right. Not after what I put him through. All of ‘em.

“You sure you don’t want someone to carry you? Casey’d probably do it if you asked.”

I might have actually cracked a smile at that one if Mike’s voice didn’t sound so forcefully happy. He’s afraid he’ll say something that’ll make me run off again. Can’t blame him.

My side burns as I make the third step, but my grimace isn’t from the pain.

I hate this. They’re so worried about losing me, they don’t see it anymore. Don’t see my guilt. Don’t see my shame. Too worried about keeping me healthy or making me smile.

And I don’t deserve any of it.

I keep trying to tell them. For five days now I’ve spent every waking minute trying to work up the courage to tell ‘em the truth. Tell ‘em what really happened.

Tell ‘em why our brother is dead.

But I can’t do it. The thought of Mikey’s eyes filled with hurt and hatred, the memory of Don screaming at me in pained anger… I just can’t do it. I can’t hurt them anymore.

I can’t lose them. They deserve to know but—

“Dee, he’s bleeding!”

I don’t even get the chance to register Mike’s words before Don is examining my side and stopping my march up the stairs.

“He popped a stitch. See, I told you it was too soon to be moving! It’s only been five days, you should be bed-ridden for at least another nine! Come on, let’s get you back in—”

“Donatello, calm.”

Sensei mercifully steps in.

“It is only one stitch. Your brother will be more comfortable—and therefore more likely to rest—in his own bed. It is not much farther.”

“But—”

“We’re basically half way there, Dee. It’d take just as long to go back.”

I wait as patiently as I can as the three talk, keeping my mouth shut on the matter. I’d prefer my own bed, sure. But I ain’t gonna kick up a fuss about it.

“Fine. Just—”

“Slow. He’s got it, Dee.”

I see Don shoot Mikey an annoyed glare, which makes him grin. A real grin.

It’s almost like it’s possible for things to get back to normal around here.

By the time we finally make it up the stairs, I’m already exhausted. Donnie was right, my body ain’t ready for movement yet. I only make it a few more feet before I need to take a break and catch my breath. Don doesn’t miss a beat.

“See, he’s already tired. He shouldn’t be up and moving yet!”

“Dude, we’re like five feet from his room. I think he can make it five feet.”

They continue to squabble and I’m losing patience by the second. But just as I’m about to butt in, my eye catches sight of the door we’re stopped in front of. Perfectly made bed, books alphabetized and orderly, and the smell of incense drifting through the air.

Leo’s room. Exactly as he left it. They haven’t touched a thing…

“Raphael.”

Sensei’s gentle voice catches the attention of my brothers, and I assume they notice the room too because everyone is suddenly silent. Solemn. Still.

Leo…

“Come on.” Don clears his throat as he touches my shell. “Almost there.”

No one says another word.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Alone in the grass at last, I take a moment to look at the sunset. It ain't no New York skyline, but it sure ain't ugly either. I suppose I can see the merit in watching a good sunset across the trees.

Leo always preferred sunrises, I think. He liked the fresh start of a new day.

I close my eyes and enjoy the fresh air around me, but it isn’t long before my gaze is pulled back to that grave. To that name that I’ll probably never be able to say without a sharp twinge in my chest.

“Leo...”

I breathe out the pain like stretching a sore muscle and try again to settle myself. I shouldn’t just stand here, they’ll worry.

“There’s… there’s some stuff I want to say. Stuff I… I probably should’ve said when you were…”

The past tense pulls me up short. I hate talking about him like he’s gone. It makes it all too real.

But it is real. And I need to start accepting that.

Just gotta say it and get it over with. “Look… I just want you to know that… that I don’t hate you. I could never. You pissed me off sometimes—a lot of the time—but it’s only because I hated that you never trusted me to take care of myself. I hated that you felt I wasn’t enough on my own. And more than anything I hated…” I don’t know who this is harder to admit to, him or me. “I hated that I could never be like you. I was never gonna be Sensei’s perfect student, or the ancient one’s protégé, or even the guy that Mikey and Donnie look up to. It made me feel inadequate. Like I wasn’t good enough. But it never meant that I hated you. I shouldn’t have—"

“I don’t need anything! I don’t need your orders! I don’t need your leadership! I DON’T NEED YOU!”

I shake my head and try to let the memory roll off my shell. This moment isn’t about my guilt, I got the rest of my life to wrestle with that. This is about saying what I never did. About telling him the truth.

“I love you, Leo. You were… are… a good leader. And an even better brother. And I…” Tears are stinging the edge of my eyes as an ache sits on my chest and makes it difficult to breathe. “I miss you. A lot. I—”

“Tell them…”

No. No, we ain’t doin’ this now! “Leo—!”

“…M’Sorry.” He whispers something haltingly with the last of his breath but I’m panicking too much to really let it sink it.

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

“Don’t you—” But his eyes close and his hand falls to the ground and I realize it wasn’t his hand that was shaking, it was mine. The rain seems to freeze in it’s downpour as suddenly everything goes completely silent. Still.

Empty.

I feel the last of his breath escape through my hands on his stomach and the ache in my chest turns to intense pain. I close my eyes to it, focusing on calming the quake of my legs, but the memory floods my every sense without warrant.

A chill runs down my spine as I freeze in place, staring at the watery puddle of red that’s slowly crawling towards me. For a minute, my vision blurs. Everything seems to shut down as I slowly look up, tracking the blood to it’s source.

Leo’s staring down at his hand by his stomach, eyes wide.

There’s blood dripping down his fingers.

It can’t be… there’s no way… “Leo?”

“Leonardo!”

Dammit! Breathe. Just breathe through it. Don’t stop the pain but don’t let it take over.

I give in to the shaking of my legs and fall to a knee, clenching my fists tighter and sucking in a deep gulp of air to steady myself. When I finally find any measure of control, I reach forward and touch the stone as reverently as I know how, my face intensely serious. I want him to know I mean this. “I know I’m the one who caused this, but I ain’t gonna be selfish anymore. I made you a promise, and I ain’t gonna break it. Ever.”

The conversation bubbles to the surface, mercifully pushing aside all other memories for the moment. I cling to the reprieve as I swear my oath. “I got them. Mikey, Don, Sensei, all of them. I got them.”

And then Leo smiled and Raph had no idea why but it made him feel instantly proud of himself. How did he do that?

That was big brother for you.

The memory of his smile brings one to my face, albeit sad and full of regret. But it gives me the strength to speak again. To say something I’m not sure I feel yet, but I want him to know. “Thanks… for saving my ass back there. I owe you one.”

I choke on the last words and give in to the tears, letting myself grieve openly for the first time in a while. My hand stays on the grave, finding a small measure of connection to my brother that I cling to with fervor.

Damn, I miss him.

I wish he was—

“I wish you were here, Leo. I wish I hadn’t run off that night. I wish I’d seen the sniper or noticed the trap or stopped the bleeding. I wish you were—”

“Still here...”

The voice floats around me, nothing but a whisper outside my peripheral. It always will be from now on. A piece of my brother that’ll always remain just out of sight. Out of reach.

But still there. Always.

I close my eyes and let his voice surround me, let his presence—faint as it is—comfort the way only Leo knows how. The way only big brother can. He lends me his strength and I accept hungrily.  

Then I square my shoulders, wipe my eyes of any trace of tears, and stand. Time to step up.

“Thanks Fearless.”

The wind kicks up and blows leaves against my shoulder and I swear it feels like Leo’s signature shoulder-pat.

I smile.

I take one more long look at that name in the stone, let myself feel the weight of it on my shoulders, and then turn back to the house. Just in time too. Mikey comes boundin’ out the door shoutin’ something about turtle speed stereotypes that gets a humorous head shake from Don who emerges behind him.

We’ll be okay. For the first time in a year, I’m positive we’re gonna be okay. Not the same. Not ever. But okay. And that’s enough for me.

“Raph! Come ooooooooon!”

I sigh, hiding the smirk that tugs at my lips from hearing Mikey whine like a child. “Keep yer shell on, I’m comin’.”

I take a moment, looking at my family as they gather around the BBQ with smiles on their faces, and feel my oath etch itself into my very soul.

“Raph, don’t… shut them out. They’ll need…”

I got them, Leo. I swear.

I got them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Previous < - > Epilogue 1

And at last, it is done. Holy cheeseballs.

This story has consumed me for years now. I don’t think I’ve ever had this much trouble and this much excitement in equal measure while writing.

Technically there’s still an epilogue (or two) of sorts to come, but they’re more connected tangentially than a continuation of the story.

I hope this short ending was worth the wait (even if half of it was a random flashback). Let me know what you think.

End of Line.

-TRAaP

*Katakana is a type of lettering in Japanese. They have Hiragana, Katakana (used mainly for foreign words) and kanji. Leo's name, being foreign, would be written in Katakana like this:レオナルド

[lordfreg]

Helloooo :>

I saw your B&B dating headcanons and I was wondering if you could do hc’s for B&B Donnie? You totally don’t have to if you don’t want to though ❤️

Thank youuu!

Omgggg yesss sorry I have been meaning to post a lot of hcs but I am too eepy

taging some people who might want to see this: @hypocriticaltypwriter @sweaterrat @doodle88

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good

-Don would literally do ANYTHING for you

-New tire? Don't worry about it. Something fixed? Already on top of it. Need emergency cuddles? On his way.

-He's also exactly 6" 1' so that has some ups and downs. If you're taller, he'd still INSIST on big big spoon.

-Once you break his icy exterior, he will 100% committed to you!

-He'll give you lots of gifts and things; mostly adhering to your needs, but the thought is still there

-He'll even cook for you! He may not be very good at it, but he'll try. Just for you.

-He'll try and participate in any and all sports you seemed intrested in. He'll take time to learn and game would want to play

-If you have something you want to learn, he'll find out EVERYTHING about it and explain it to you in a way that you can understand

-This dude is SUPER trustworthy; he values nothing higher then his family, and you're apart of that. He'll protect you at any cost, including his own life

-Although he's not one for a lot of physical attention, he'll definitely ignore his own needs for yours. If you need hugs and kisses he'll be right there!

-He'll do a lot of stuff for you too! Like, take you out on dates under the cover of darkness, he'll take you out to nice, romantic places and constantly flood you with praise and appreciation! Because, in all honesty, you deserve it💖

The Bad

-Donnie is a really busy dude, so he might not have a lot of time for you :(

-He's really blunt and might not phrase things so well. (He sucks at English too-)

-Between being the group's ONLY tech support, he's also stuck being a babysitter to Raph and Mikey. So there's a lot of stress.

-More prone to act out or yell at you. He'll apologize and say he was wrong but he still yelled and it still kinda hurt.

-Bro blames himself for everything (he gets it from leo istg) and is always emotionally a mess.

-He also really isn't the empathetic type, who when it comes down to a moral or emotional problem; he'll choose the most logical option

-Donnie doesn't get out much (i don't know why he would ever need too) so he's somewhat for a hermit. So if you like taking long walks and stuff like that, he's gonna ask "Can we do that virtually?"

-also, HE CANNOT SOCIALIZE. Like, he just can't. He doesn't know to to speak, and just talking to people has him as a nervous wreck. That's also why he doesn't have a lot of friends

-He'll definitely try and talk to you ONLY online, he hates how he looks and would actually die if you asked to video call or look at a picture of him

-Again, not a lot of time, so he'll try and make it up to you with some "appreciation time."

The Ugly

-Donnie will, unfortunately, cyberstalk you. You're his new hyperfixation! He needs to find everything out about you! (Note; he doesn't entirely realize how creepy that actually is-)

-He'll track your IP address if you ask/post something anonymously

-He'll always try and watch you somehow, either via your internet browser or your camera, he'll always be watching (it's out of love tho!!)

-He'll also ask to get a lot of pictures of you, even if you don't want too. He'll make a huge collage of just pictures of you and have it hanging in his lab.

-Don will gaslight and manipulate you, but he doesn't realize he's doing it until someone points it out. He'll say things like "If you love me, you'll do this." and "You wouldn't do that to me, that'll break my heart!"

[saga-project]

❤️

❤️- A happy memory that makes them smile

"April."

"Mmhmm?"

"I'm not entirely sure what the point of this is. I don't really need new clothes? I'm perfectly fine with the ones I have now--"

"Yeahhhh, but what if they get dirty?" Mikey was pouncing onto his shoulders now, causing Saga to let out a muffled squawk under his breath. "It's all about gettin' fits that make you feel good! You deserve to have some stuff of your own, and not just hand-me-downs and dyed fabric 'n stuff."

"If you say so. I'm sure making clothes of your own isn't that hard. Raph's been meaning to teach me how to sew, I--"

"Don." April spun him around, looking him dead in the eyes--and uh oh. He knew that look. The patented O'Neil "you better listen to what I'm saying or I'll kick your ass from here to China" look. The look that made him feel uncomfortably like what he imagined a rabbit would feel if it turned from grazing only to see a hawk's talons glinting in its peripheral vision. It was a look that promised danger if he didn't heed the words well. Danger that was less severe than anything the Syndicate had subjected him to, but danger nevertheless.

"You're gonna have a nice night out on the town with us, and we're gonna get you some new clothes that you feel awesome in. Deal?"

"....ma'am yes ma'am."

"Good. Now c'mon, stop standing there like a museum diorama. Relax. This is meant to be a low-stress day, okay?"

***

Low-stress, his ass.

April had tugged him into a changing room, and Mikey had left him with a great big pile of things to try on, things that he thought Saga would look nice in, and the expectations had all been too much and the lights in the store had been too bright and every time he put something on his stupid brain tried to convince him that it wasn't good enough, that it didn't look right, that he was wasting his time because he didn't deserve nice things and--

--and he wanted to try on some of the dresses. Some of the frillier things in the store. But his brain was so, so afraid of how April and Mikey would react, if he allowed himself to be that vulnerable. To admit that maybe he wasn't all sharp edges and sandpaper skin and who knew what other defense mechanisms he'd put up over the years. Saga knew they'd be fine. He knew they wouldn't judge. He knew gender was but a stupid construct. So why did it feel so terrifying and like he shouldn't touch it, shouldn't even look at it--

And now he was hiding under a fucking clothing rack like a coward. Because he couldn't even having a night out with his younger brother and with his friend without causing a scene and acting out and--

"Donnie?"

He flinched, blinking the tears out of his vision just in the nick of time as first Mikey and then April slid under the rack with him. Shame rose up in him at the worried looks on their faces, white-hot and all-consuming. Great. Now he'd managed to make this whole day about him again, instead of just letting them help him like he'd so desperately wanted to do--

Jinx. Jinx. You ruin EVERYTHING. Ruined this too. Now they'll PUNISH you. Oooooh, what'll it be. Standing on broken glass? Locking you in a room for hours on end until you turn into a raving mess?

Shut up shut up shut up they're my FAMILY they'd never--

"Hey, hey. Shake your hands out instead, okay?" They hadn't even realized they were beginning to rap at their head with their knuckles until April moved their hands away, gently but firmly. "What's goin' on?"

A gulp of air. Another. Another. God, they wished they hadn't left Maias back at the lair. And then--

"I c....I can't do this, April. I can't--" They broke off, huddling into themselves and trembling. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I'm ruining this, but I don't....I don't....I can't.....nothing looks right on me that I've tried on so far, and nothing feels right, nothing feels like me, I....I don't even know who I am anymore. And it's all so....I don't....I don't deserve clothes that are this nice. I'll ruin them. I'll ruin them or get them dirty or something because that's all I know how to do. I don't get to keep good things in my life, I....I'm sorry I'm ruining this, I'm--" Another choked off sob sounded from their throat as hands were gently placed over theirs, trying to anchor them, trying to keep them from drifting off like a ship cut loose from its mooring.

"Hey, hey. Look at me. You didn't ruin anything, okay? You do deserve nice things. Trust me. You deserve to have gaudy outfits and you deserve to take up space and you deserve to have what you want in life, mmkay? I promise. And that's an O'Neil promise, so you know it's good."

"And plus, I think we're startin' to find some stuff that fits! Purple and yellow are complementary colors, so they may be flashy but I think they'd work well!" Mikey was bouncing in place then, grinning widely, looking like a goddamn beam of sunlight even in the gloom.

"If this was too much, though, we can head home. No hard feelings either way, tough guy."

Oh. They were both looking at him. They probably expected a response. One shaky breath. In, out. A moment of consideration. And then--

"No. I....I don't want to go home. But this feels a little....overwhelming. I....there's something I want to try on, but I don't know if it's allowed."

"Try us."

Another deep breath. "I....some of the. The dresses. At the front. They're....I mean, I wouldn't really wear them out and about, but the fabric looked pleasing and....I. I'd like to try those on. I mean, I don't....I'm not lapsing into feeling feminine or anything, I just....I like them. They make me feel.....nice. When I look at them."

"It's okay. You don't have to explain. I think you'd rock a dress."

He looked towards April with a slight smile, then. "R-really?"

"Yeah! Here, let's get out from under here and....oh, man, how is this position not killing your joints--"

"Skill issue."

"Don, just because we had an emotional moment doesn't mean I'm above throat-punching you."

"Right. Sorry. Shutting up now."

"Now. Let's go get you some fits."

***

Okay. Okay. He still wasn't sure about this, and April and Mikey had been rather pointedly keeping him away from the mirrors so he couldn't see exactly how he looked--

"Just let me sneak one peek so I can see whether it's absolutely hideous or not--"

"Not talking like that, you won't."

"Aprillllll. Mikey, she is being mean to me. Do you see how she's being mean to me?"

"Oh, Doctor Delicate Touch can get meaner if he needs to."

"Ah ah ah, no need for that--" He shimmied the rest of the way into the fabric with April and Mikey's help, smoothing it against his skin slightly. "Can you please uncover my eyes now, Mikey."

"Not yet! We'll walk you to the mirror first!" Mikey chirped out, his hand at a distance to Saga's mouth that would have heavily tempted him to reach out and bite had it been virtually anyone else. As it was, he settled for an eye roll under the cover of his little brother's hand, meekly following along with the instructions. "Okay. Forward forward forward left left left ooooh right there right there! Perfecto! You ready, Don?"

Saga sighed, good-naturedly. "Alright. Fine. Let me see."

The hand moved away from his face, and lo and behold--

Oh.

Oh.

He....he didn't look silly. The dress fit against his frame nicely, and the fabric wasn't scratchy but was soft instead, and it swished when he moved and it sparkled and---

He. He looked good. He looked positively dashing. And this nice thing was....his. He was wearing it and he wasn't ruining it, he could get it, it was his to wear and nobody could judge him--

"Don? You good?"

Oh. They'd been standing there in stunned silence for a while, but now the grin was spreading across their face, wider than they'd grinned in more than a decade. Saga spun towards April and Mikey again, their hands flapping at their sides excitedly as they beamed. "I am more than good! This is amazing! Amazing, amazing, amazing! That's three amazings--"

"It's a yes to that one, then?" April was grinning somewhat knowingly, but they couldn't bring themselves to care as they hopped on the balls of their feet slightly.

"Yes! One hundred percent, a million times yes. I need to try more on! I need to try so many more clothes on. Mikey, here, bring the purple and yellow outfit here again, I think I want to try....oooooh, yes, the fabric texture on this one is exquisite, hand it over--"

Their face would hurt from smiling by the end of the day, but Saga couldn't bring themselves to care. They'd finally managed to secure something for themselves, for a change. Just them. Nobody else's. They'd allowed themselves to try on the frilly, sparkly things that they'd secretly always wanted, and said things hadn't looked ridiculous. And now, they had a little brother and a friend to share the experience with, the same little brother who would later squawk at them in mock offense when they stole a handful of his food court fries. Right before he flicked straw paper at them, and then attempted to chase Saga around to dump ice cubes down their new shirt while they squealed in barely-contained laughter.

And it felt good.

[dunkalfredo]

I didn’t catch Ashe in time when she asked us about this in the group chat, but I actually have exactly one (1) scrapped scene. Waaaaay back in August when we were doing the first arc, I started out by writing a scene where Leo and Mikey ask Donnie to come with them to get a new projector. In this version of the scene, instead of this being a post-fumigation thing, it was actually the first Donnie scene for the whole fic and took place as soon as they got back to the lair post-invasion because I misunderstood what Ashe meant when she first brought up getting a new projector and thought that they were just like... getting a new one just cause and not because it was ruined by the sprinklers. 

Here it is for the curious:

Donnie went right to work as soon as they got home, ignoring his exhaustion and the many pains and aches in his body. His mind had already started racing—throwing at him a crushed tank, a portal in the sky closing with his brother on the other side, himself lost and buried in darkness and slime, rushing air as he and Mikey fell to their doom—so he knew what he had to do.

Once he made it down to his lab, he rushed to his computer station and started opening up the schematics for the Donnie pods on one of his holo-screens. Having only one each was so stupid; why didn’t he think to make spares? He always made spares. Spare shells, spare weapons, failsafe after failsafe after failsafe for the tank. If Leo had had a second pod, Raph wouldn’t have had to—

Donnie raced over to his workbench, dragging the holo-screen along with him. He needed to get started on the individual components before he could sync their circuits and upload their build and flight sequences. It would take a few hours per pod by hand. He had automated systems for when he built, but he needed to move, be tactile, be occupied. No automation today.

“Dee?”

Donnie whipped around to see Mikey at his door.

“Leo and I are heading out to get Dad a new projector. Wanna come with?”

Donnie’s heart lurched and he replied, immediately and flatly—too drained to put dynamics and emotion into his words— “Not now. Go on without me.”

“But Donnie—”

“I have work to do.” Donnie whipped back around and scrutinized the blueprints, cataloguing all of the materials and tools he would need to grab from storage.

“Are you sure? We could really use your help picking out something good for Dad. Plus, it’d be nice to relax and hang out for a bit, y’know?”

“This is how I relax, Angelo.” It wasn’t fully a lie. “I’m fine. Go on ahead.”

After a pause, Donnie heard Mikey’s footsteps, faint and then gone. His brain latched onto the image of his brother’s worried face, which he immediately stuffed down, focusing instead on building a mental to-do list of which parts to collect and work on first. He shoved in thoughts about titanium and circuit boards where a lot of other, scarier thoughts tried to surface.

“Hey, Donnie.”

Donnie froze. He turned to see Leo leant against the doorway, Mikey by his side.

“You need some R&R, my friend,” Leo said. “We just saved the world. You deserve a break. C’mon, we can grab some pizza while we’re out. No Hawaiian, my treat.” Leo paused and then scratched his head. “Well, hopefully we’ll find some places that are actually open. Most of Manhattan is either goopified or wrecked… or both.”

“Aw man, how far do you think we’ll need to go?” Mikey moaned. “I really hope we can find some place nearby.”

“The turtle tank,” Donnie said to himself. He ignored Leo and Mikey’s sounds of confusion and sped back over to his computer station, opening up another holo-screen. “I need to retrieve it—”

“You mean we need to—” Leo tried to cut in.

“—and fix it so that you can drive.” Donnie frantically typed up some notes on an open word processor. “I can do some basic repairs for now, but when you get back, I can get to reinforcing the hull and oh, what if I tried out my prototype for a force field? I could also—”

“We don’t have time for that,” Leo said. “Dad’s already talking about training drills. He’s bored out of his mind. We can walk. You really sure you want to stay here while he’s jazzed up on training? He’ll probably interrupt your mad science.”

“I can handle papá just fine, thank you very much.” Donnie, satisfied with his notes for later, closed the holo-screen and strode over to his two brothers, ushering them—near pushing them—out of his lab. “Now shoo. Go get Dad a projector. Don’t let me keep you behind.” Donnie stopped his ushering once they were past the doorway and then added, as an afterthought, “Save some pizza for me if you get any.”

Leo and Mikey shared a look—a little too long for Donnie’s comfort—and then Leo was the first to walk away.

“Welp, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,” Leo said over his shoulder. “C’mon, Mikey. Let’s see if any shops nearby are even open.”

Mikey sighed, then turned to Donnie.

“You’re absolutely talking to Dr. Emotions later,” he said to Donnie, eyes narrowed, and then pivoted and jogged to catch up with Leo.

Just like that, Donnie was alone again. Alone with his thoughts. Away from his brothers.

For once, he didn’t particularly enjoy the solitude.

However, his work was too important. Too many projects to work on, equipment to improve, and that’s not even getting to the tank. Hell, he had half a mind to shoot April a text about getting him some more of that chemical she used. Couldn’t be too prepared.

He needed to do this for his family.

(For his own peace of mind.)

It was for the best.

That was my very first ROTTMNT scene ever, and I think it’s pretty clear that that’s the case. I will still trying to find my Donnie voice and wasn’t 100% on certain canon details (lookin at you, “Dr. Emotions.”)

Also, right after finishing this, Ashe (I think) was like yeah there’s no way the fam isn’t absolutely exhausted after the invasion. Donnie absolutely cannot just go straight to work. They all pass out for a solid 16 hours. And I was like hahaaaa yes you are right I didn’t think of that. So that’s why Donnie just collapses onto the floor in the “canon” Aftershocks.

Are there any deleted scenes for Aftershocks? I’m so interested in the behind the scenes for this fic. Loved the most recent chapter btw!

Thank you so much!!

Honestly, I don't think so? This was one of those rare cases where basically every scene we wrote made it in. All I can think of is two small scenes.

The first is a little exchange @katiemonz wrote before removing it (because she wanted her flashback scene to start with them on the ferry). She has since made it into a comic (at my behest) that you may or may not have seen by now.

"I'm down with not having to swim across the freakin' Hudson." "Oh baby, you couldn't pay me," Mikey groaned as he cracked his back and his neck. His face was still puffy and flushed from crying, and his movements were slow and stiff. Par for the course, really. They all got thrashed. "You sure, Mikey? I could probably throw you halfway," Raph joked. "Nah man," Mikey said, tucking his arms into his shell. "Skip me like a rock. I'll go farther."

The second is a test scene I wrote like two minutes after I finished watching the movie. It was more a proof of concept (and the only practice I had for writing Mikey's voice) than anything, but it has the beginnings of Mikey's main beats (one of which was just resolved in the latest chapter!) and I'm still pleased with parts of it:

Here’s the thing: as the baby brother, it falls to Mikey to mediate the three big personalities that call themselves his big brothers. Squabbles, crises of faith, voice of reason—that’s all Mikey. And, usually, they listen. Usually, things pan out. Usually, they settle, they pause, because they’re kind and good under all that bravado and pride, and they come to some sort of peace. At the end of the day, they’re family, and as a family they all know to listen to Mikey, because he’s earnest and wants the best for them. That day, when Raph and Leo have it out, reiterating an argument they’ve been having for a while now—second verse, same as the first—Mikey wishes that someone else would take on this role, just this once. It’s hard, being the sensitive one, especially when your ally this time is Donnie, who often inflames things because he can’t keep his big mouth shut, but sometimes they can’t see the forest for the trees, or the pizza for the pepperoni, or whatever. So, Mikey gets between them, easily blocks Leo from getting a hit in, watches Donnie throw himself across Raph’s shoulders, and realizes that, this time, it’s not going to end peacefully. This was one time too far, and Leo was being too much of a turd. They might need to fight this one out, which would suck because they would trash the place and— “Boys! Stop this arguing!” Dad smashes into the moment, drawing all movement to a stop. Mikey slides to the side, sure that this won’t be the end of it, especially as Leo and Raph glare at each other. It’s happening more and more often, this squabbling, because Leo is too reckless and Raph too protective, but Mikey is starting to think that letting them fight it out would be the best course of action. Sometimes, it sucks to be the one with emotional intelligence. So, as Dad pads away, and Leo and Raph turn their backs on each other, leaving Mikey and Donnie alone in the middle, they share a long, suffering look, preparing to hunker down for the long haul. Of course, that’s just the beginning of it.

[tmntxthings]

hi! I was wondering if I could request a comfort fic? I had recently discovered I was being cheated on, and I really, really loved this person (we were together for two years). I’m really pissed off about it and absolutely distraught. Is there anyway I could ask you to write a Donnie x Reader? He’s a huge comfort character for me, haha— thank you so much :)

Inside of My Heart 💜

author’s note: im so sorry that happened anon, im no therapist but lemme just shout to the world that cheaters are the most despicable people EVER, truly sweet anon you deserve better, and i hope this Donnie fic will keep your spirits up <3

warnings: hmm fluff? and yeah more fluff, maybe one curse word?

—————————————————————————

It wasn’t everyday that Donnie thought of something he wasn’t good at. But lately he noticed a reoccurring problem. He was more than good at math, science, technology, engineering, (all self-taught btw) and not to mention he had great qualities like being responsible, intelligent, and honest.. most of the time!

But seriously! It was becoming quite obvious that he couldn’t carry a sentence when you were around. He was lacking in the social skills area, if you weren’t asking him for the wifi password or a yes or no question, he’d have a hard time finding the words. His brain would short circuit like it was a literal machine and he’d have to give nonverbal cues or depend on his brothers to pick up his slack.

What frustrated him the most was he had practiced last time! Yes, he had a heads up on when you were coming next, and practiced for days on what you could possibly ask, and he made a spreadsheet for all the responses he would need. It seemed he had poorly guessed what you would talk about, because that day you’d had some issues with a boy to which fried up Dee’s brain completely. He wanted to just throw his brain in the trash like he would with any piece of tech that was destroyed beyond repair.

After you had left that day, he had rushed to his lab. He groaned tearing up his spreadsheet into little pieces and quickly throwing them all into the trash. There that was metaphorically his brain, ripped to shreds and thrown away. He slumped into his swivel chair, dramatically putting his head down, hiding his face from view, arms shielding himself in. You were so nice about it too. You never made him feel weird, or awkward. You’d just smile warmly, like you knew he was trying his best. Which only made him try that much harder, which then led to him failing miserably. He huffed not seeing a clear solution in sight.

“Knock knock,” Mikey chirped from outside the lab. Donnie banged his head once on the table underneath him and then sat up. “Its open,” Mikey scampered in, “heyy Don, wanna do something?” Donnie swiveled in his chair to turn and face his younger brother. Giving him a questionable look so Mikey continued. “Well I was texting Y/n, and they wanna go to this Comic-Con thingy” Donnie’s mouth dropped open. You were interested in that? He wondered if you were going to dress up? “You don’t remember? They were talking about it today but that guy had bailed or something,” Mikey shrugged because he hadn’t really been listening all that much.

Classic Mikey, but Donnie couldn’t believe he had zoned out for that part of the conversation! He would’ve readily volunteered to go with you! But as soon as you had mentioned the other guy… well everyone knows, Donnie clammed up and stopped talking or thinking altogether! He sighed and Mikey looked at his brother, “what’s wrong Donnie? You don’t wanna go??” Now Donnie’s eyebrows were raising, “Mikey what are you talking about they texted you, not me.” He said that with little enthusiasm as he was more than a little jealous but understood why. You probably thought he had ignored you all day…well he kinda had.. unintentionally!

“But I told them that I couldn’t go and that you were already going!” Donnie’s eyes widened, “you said what?!” Mikey re-explained, “I said ‘I’m not going but Donnie already has a ticket, I’m sure you guys can go together’ and then I hit send.” Donnie blinked at his younger brother. “I have a ticket???” Mikey held up a ticket, “now you do!” he was smiling wickedly at his older brother now and Donnie saw it all connect. Mikey was setting him up, on purpose. “But, with them by myself?” Donnie started having self doubts. What if you had no fun with just him there? What if it became awkward? What if he couldn’t say anything?! “Donnie you gotta relax,” Mikey took in a deep breath and then released, motioning his hands at his purple clad brother for him to follow suit. So Donnie did, and as he took deep breaths his fear cleared.

“Feel better?” Mikey smiled brightly, and Donnie smirked, “yeah okay thanks little brother I’ll do my best,” Mikey fist bumped the air, “Alright! Mission set-up is a go!” He was skipping all the way out of the lab. Donnie’s immediate thought was to start making another spreadsheet. But as he looked down at the trash can he knew that wasn’t going to work. What he needed to do was text you. Which he found to be significantly easier to do than talk, it allowed him to get his thoughts out and rethink if need be.

‘Hey Y/n it’s Donatello, Mikey told me you were going to cc?’ -Dee👾

‘Hey! Yes I am, would you like to go together?’ -you ✨

‘sounds good to me, sorry i hadn’t really thought about asking when you were here..’ -Dee👾

‘No worries, I know that sometimes ppl like to go and do their own thing’ -you ✨

‘well i think I’d enjoy it more with your company :)’ -Dee 👾

At this message Donnie almost threw his phone across the lab. Instead he gently placed it on the table and took a lap. He couldn’t look, it was so cheesy, but that’s how he truly felt! AGH! He hoped you took it the right way, he hoped it wasn’t weird, he hoped he hoped he hoped!

‘aww! i feel the same way Donnie! I can’t wait, we’re gonna have so much fun c:’ -you ✨

“Yes!” Donnie said aloud, spinning around and around in his chair as he read and reread your message. You were so cute. Your messages made him feel all funny inside. He stopped spinning and got serious, ready to message you back.

‘i have marked my calendar! are you planning on cosplaying? or do you have certain places you were interested in checking out?’ -Dee 👾

‘so this’ll be my first time! should I dress up?’ -you✨

Donnie felt a little pressure. This was your first comic con and you were going with him?! It felt really special suddenly, even more special than his initial reaction. He wanted you to have the best time because in his humble opinion, comic con was a really fun time and it was one of the few places that a teenage mutant ninja turtle could go to and somehow fit in!

‘well since it’s your first time I recommend doing it all. Dressing up is part of the fun, do you have any characters in mind?’ Dee 👾

The two of you texted nonstop that night. Mikey had returned just before bed to check in and left the lab with a satisfied smile on his face. “They’re totally hitting it off!” He said to Leo who couldn’t help a cheshire grin, “what’d I tell ya! they both like each other but are soooo shy it hurts” Leo had recruited Mikey on his master plan to get you and his twin brother actually talking. “So what’s next on the master plan??” Mikey said jumping up and down with excitement, “Now” Leo said, “we wait!” And he resumed reading his Jupiter Jim comic. “Boringggg!” Mikey booed, shoulders slumping. “Our work will pay off dear brother, don’t you worry,” Leo said with so much confidence that Mikey knew it must be true.

[7 months later]

“Okay they may need more of a push,” Leo admitted. Mikey pulled on his bandana ends, “ya think?!”

The comic con date had went smoothly. The two of you had a blast and Donnie kept the picture the both of you had taken on his bedside. You were definitely closer to Donnie and he to you, yet nothing progressed past the friendship. Donnie was just happy to be able to talk to you normally, that had been a big step to him. So he didn’t want to push his luck any further. Every time the two of you were in the same room he’d be on cloud nine, though it wasn’t exactly written on his face. So if he felt that way just by proximity, just imagine how he felt when you spoke to him. Over the moon, up into the stars and way high in the galaxy. That’s how he felt. It was a regular movie night at the lair, everyone present, April sat on the far end, then you, then Donnie, then Raph. All on the couch. While Mikey and Leo occupied bean bags on the floor.

Leo and Mikey had been whispering the entire Lou Jitsu movie. Donnie twitched with aggravation every time you looked down and noticed his two idiotic brothers who would not stop talking! For Galileo’s sake it was one of Mikey’s favorites and Leo had freaking picked it out. Donnie wanted to yank at their bandanas but with you sitting right next to him, you’d definitely notice and he didn’t want that. No he’d suffer through ten more movies like this one if he had to. Raph had the remote and paused, “restroom break!” He announced with a surprising amount of dignity as he left the living room. Donnie looked over at you, and you turned facing him. He smiled and immediately looked away. Gosh you were so cute.

“Hey, Y/n” Leo said tapping on your knees with one of his fingers, “yes?” you said looking down at his twin. “Could you do me a favor?” Leo smiled charmingly and Donnie’s face twisted, rolling his eyes. “Depends..” you grinned back. Was this what flirting looked like? The thought came and went and slapped Donnie in the face. Where had that come from?! Was it because Leo was touching you and he never touched you before? Or was it because you had graced his brother with a smile? Or was it the combination of those things?? “Can you walk me to my room, I think I’m done with the movie” and that had Donnie glaring. It made no sense at all as to why you would do that and why Leo would even ask. He was up to something devious Donnie just knew it. “Uh?” You looked over at April who was holding back a laugh, “walk you to your room?” You questioned seeing just how ridiculous the request was. “Yeah I’ve gotta show you something before ya head back up,” and as Leo talked he rose to his feet, seemingly serious about this whole ordeal. Not laughing and saying just kidding like Donnie had hoped.

“Really Leo?” Donnie gritted out. Leo looked over at his twin, “what?” He smiled smugly. “What’re you doing??” The purple clad turtle seethed. “Just trying to show my friend something,” Leo emphasized the word friend dramatically. “C’mon” he reached out and grabbed your hand, half dragging you behind him. You were sputtering looking back to Donnie and that had him up on his feet. “Leo stop it.” He said and immediately his brother let go of your hand. “Oh sorry, I got a little carried away huh?” He smiled but didn’t look sorry at all. And when he leaned down towards your ear, and Donnie watched as you flushed, he had had enough!

He rushed forward, grabbing your hand and wordlessly pulled you out of the living room, into his lab and bolted the door shut. He hadn’t let go of your hand the entire time, it really wasn’t on his mind actually. What was, was Leo leaning down, getting wayyy too close and your reaction! It had him dropping your hand and he couldn’t even turn to face you. Why had he just dragged you here? “Donnie?” you whispered cautiously. “Do you like him?” He might as well get it over with. Rip the bandaid off the wound. “What?!” You exclaimed and Donnie finally turned to face you. “Do you like Leo?” Each word being raised with his voice until he was shouting his brothers name. “No!” You shouted back defensively, crossing your arms.

“Sure looked like it,” he muttered. And you flushed embarrassed again, but it wasn’t the feel-y good kind, it was the angry kind. “Believe what you want Donatello, I’m telling you no.” You huffed and tried to push past him to leave. He stood in your way. “Move Donnie!” You said exasperated until your hands shot out reaching for the bolt to unlock the door and he moved in front of it. Your hands landing on his plastron and he stiffened. You flushed again, “sorry” you muttered knowing he didn’t like to be touched but still being too angry to feel badly. He had done it to himself anyways.

“Y/n,” Donnie started and then stopped. Hands going up and then falling back down. It was returning, he couldn’t think of any words! He felt helpless and it was so overwhelming that it showed on his face. Your guard went down swiftly, “hey I’m really sorry Donnie, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,”

and that was what he had been trying to think of, been trying to say. He smiled weakly, “that’s what I wanted to tell you.. but sometimes it’s hard to think of the right words,” he blew out a breath. “happens to us all,” you reassured him. There you went, he thought to himself, making him feel ten times better, like he wasn’t a complete failure. “…Y/n, honestly I don’t know what came over me, I guess I got jealous,” Donnie hung his head as he admitted his emotions. He felt more vulnerable now than he ever did without a battle shell. “Jealous? Of Leo?” Your eyes widened at the idea. “Donnie!” You chided, and he felt sheepish, “he was leaning over you and touching you and,” his hand went up flailing around as if that explained it all.

“Donnie, I don’t like Leo,” he nodded, “yeah I know you said that,” he sighed, “I like you.” You said blushing furiously and Donnie sighed again not hearing you, “yeah I know,” his hand went up to his face, completely missing your previous statement. But as he looked into your eyes and saw you staring at him with blushing cheeks, he replayed the whole statement over. “Wait,” he said as his brain exploded. “Me??” Donnie said softly. And you nodded. ���Yes you Othello Von Ryan,” and it was his turn for his skin to darken. “Oh,” was the only word that would come out, and you giggled. He laughed too and quickly said, “I like you too!” finally finding the words. “I’d been hoping so,” and the smile you graced him with was beauty beyond compare. He swooned, and couldn’t believe what was happening. It was like every secret longing that he had hoped for and kept stowed away in his heart was finally set free.

“Y/n, I like you a lot,” he gushed unable to stop the flood of emotions. “Donnie you’re gonna turn me into a tomato!” You said hiding your face in your hands because you could just feel how hot your face felt. “I think you look absolutely adorable,” and the compliment only made you blush deeper! “Donnie!” And he laughed happily, slowly taking your hands away from your face and finding the courage to go even a step further. He placed a chaste kiss to your knuckles, “I mean it Y/n.” He spoke seriously with his handsome smile. “Me too,” you confirmed and the moment couldn’t be anymore perfect.

“I KNEW IT!” Mikey called out from behind the lab door. “No, I think I called it from the beginning,” Leo’s voice could be heard farther away. “Don’t you guys act like I didn’t tip you off to begin with!” April hollered for her credit.

Yes, moment totally perfect, and the two of you burst into laughter.

[teenagemutantninjatrauma]

*sigh* 2003 turtles should’ve made a radio station

Did anyone see that one video of Raph and Mikey doing a podcast and answering questions? How neat would it be if they just… had a radio station??

Imagine, right, Mikey reads scary stories and he and Donnie are writing an episodic murder mystery story. Leo does mini-lessons in Japanese language and culture. Raph blasts absolutely banger music and gives updates on any new happenings New Yorkers should watch out for - ongoing gang wars, aliens on the loose, but also charity events outside of Oroku Saki’s work because. Fuck Oroku Saki lol

Whenever they get into trouble and can’t get to their radio station or are too busy fighting something, the few New Yorkers that listen to them worry, and as they worry, they talk, and so ironically anytime the station goes quiet, the awareness of it spreads. The turtles keep coming back to new listeners, and they make more stories, more little lessons, they share little censored bits of their life. Mikey does in-depth analysis of superhero comics and shows like Star Trek, and very often reminds his listeners to Be Fuckin Weird!!! Be you be fun be interesting, your interests and hobbies are so cool I promise you, your outfit is banger and your hair is stylish and you deserve to feel confident in yourselves!!

Donatello shares hacks to make putting together machines easier for yourself, especially encouraging women to not feel intimidated or ridiculed by men for never being taught stuff like car mechanics — once you know where to start and what things look like, it’s easy enough! He researches reliable resources both online and offline, and occasionally rambles about new breakthroughs and what they mean in the bigger scope of all things science.

Leo has little episodes about exploring the soul - learning to understand yourself, meditating on who you are and want to be, but also how to cope with dangerous or traumatizing situations (shoutout to the Ancient One). Lots of queer folk lightheartedly agree that they would come out to him without hesitance because he “would be so so nice about it I bet.”

Raph starts setting up interviews, at first with the humans he knows - the kind Mrs. Morrison, talking about the horribly unfair housing policies making her life harder, the Professor, to humanize the homeless, but then he gets a little braver and starts interviewing nonhumans that live in the city — Leatherhead first, and then Sydney and the other people from the Underground City. A stray Utrom that settled down here and opted to stay when their peers left for home. Professor Honeycutt, when he visits - that interview sort of cements that he’s not making these people up, because, well. Everyone had seen and heard the fugitoid during the invasion. He interviews superheroes, both those that work during the day, and those that work during the night (and yes, he does interview the Turtle Titan). He invites the Battle Nexus Daimyo for a visit. But the interview most beloved by the listeners… is one Raphael conducts with his dad.

They never mention they’re mutants, but I wonder how many people feel something click in their minds when Raph starts the interview by going “so. Just you and four kids, practically homeless, hiding in the shadows. How did you manage, those first few years when we were really little?” And they talk about being a single dad who was “barely an adult” (read: still learning himself how to be a mutant) and all the folks out there who maybe had to deal with having kids too early or at a time where they couldn’t properly take care of them as much as they wanted to, they all lean in, because this man sounds like he’s about sixty now - surely he’ll have some wise words of advice? And he does, Splinter talks about having to learn what kids are even like, never having had interacted with that many people in general before, he often had to guess at what was a serious ailment and what was simply a byproduct of childhood and later puberty, he talks about how visiting his few friends (the Ancient One, and the Daimyo) helped him remember that he’s not all alone to do this, he talks about how what worked for one of his sons didn’t work for the other three and how a parent should always remain flexible and open minded and accepting of change, as change is natural to life and inevitable especially during the early years. And they talk and talk and I bet a bunch of New Yorkers go “wait a minute.. four guys that live on the streets with a dad they occasionally call a ‘master,’ one of them constantly talks about machinery, they all speak fluent Japanese… could these possibly be the fucked up little guys that saved my ass that one time? Could this be the guy I punched that one time cuz I freaked out?’

Like. Just consider it okay. A turtle radio station.

[crazywritingbug]

Could you do a Raph x reader thing where he’s crushing on the human and gets so frustrated with himself he’s just going OFF on a punching bag but she/ they are watching and he gets frazzled and they’re all like what’s wrong and he’s like you and they go :( and then he goes to fix it and then they start dating

Love At First Sight

RaphaelXfem!reader

A/N: Missed you guys!

Love at first sight was ridiculous. It was a myth and had no place in the real world for anybody, let alone him.

Then Y/N walked into Raphael’s life.

It had been an accident on their part. They hadn’t picked the best spot to meet with Vern and straighten out the details of the story the media and authority would be fed; the story that would give Vern the credit for their hard earned victory. The victory that Raph knew his brothers deserved credit for, heck, he wasn’t ashamed to say that he wanted some credit too.

“Come on guys,” Vern scoffed, “Do you really think anybody is gonna believe that I managed to sneak up on the Shredder?” Raph gritted his teeth but said nothing. At least Vern acknowledged that this was a crappy attempt at an alibi.

“They might believe it if you say that it was noisy on the rooftop, that the dispenser was making a lot of noise as it warmed up.” Her voice sounded out of nowhere as she sauntered out from behind one of the bridge supports. Where had she come from? Also sweet mother mary, she was beautiful…

Raph double checked that his mouth was shut before he glanced at his brother who looked just as caught off guard as him. Vern though, he was pale.

“Y/N!” Vern’s voice spiked to a pitch that had Mikey giggling. “I- What are you doing here?”

Y/N raised an eyebrow and grinned. “You’re not as stealthy as you think Uncle Vern.”

Her gaze turned to them, landing first on Leo, then Donnie, and oh-so-briefly on Raph, before skipping over to Mikey. “Thank you guys for saving the city.”

“You’re welcome.” Thank you Leo for saying something, speaking wasn’t really an option for Raph, not with how those E/C eyes had met his, even if it was only just for a moment. He had a hunch that those eyes were going to linger in his mind and his dreams for a long time. Hopefully she’d be around for a while too…Wait what was he thinking?

“I’m Y/N,”She said it with an authority that was unlike Leo’s commanding tone. It was the authority of somebody who knew exactly who they were and were comfortable in it. It was the alluring authority of a queen.

“Nice to meet you!” Mikey spoke before any of them could. “I’m Michelangelo, but you can call me Mikey, or babe.” Raph couldn’t refrain from rolling his eyes. He loved his little brother but man, he could be an idiot sometimes. What line did he have that could flatter her?

Apparently not a single one. None of them did. Y/N slid smoothly into their lives, like a missing puzzle piece. One that was confusing in its shape. She had a response to every pickup line, every teasing joke, and every compliment that was a perfect balance of humble and confident. Raph wasn’t sure if she was insane or brilliant half the time. He was veering towards the latter considering she was kind, strong, and confident, but he still wasn’t sure. It didn’t help that his heart beat faster at the very mention of her name, or that when she said his name, he melted. 

It was infuriating.

Everyday he could feel himself slipping more and more into the love that had ignited when he first saw her, but there was no way he could move on it. It would ruin everything. Ruin the friendship, not only between her and Raph, but between her and his brothers. Y/N was a gift and not one that he wanted to deprive anybody of. Yet he wanted so badly to reach out and take her into his arms, hold her close, and kiss her, to press his lips against her, against the curve of her neck, and the gentle slope of her shoulders. 

He was screwed.

Raph grunted as he slammed his fist into the bag, sending it swinging and felt the tension ease up in his shoulders. As the bag rocked back he planted his heel into it. A little bit more relief. 

Then she walked into the dojo; right across his line of sight.

His breath stuttered, creating an ache in his chest as he noted the leggings that hugged her form and the crop top that left more skin than usual visible. Was she coming in here to work out? Dangit. The tension was back and if anything it was worse. Why did she have to work out here? Why did she have to be dangled in front of him, a joy he couldn’t have?

“Hey Raph.” She grinned at him but it ignited such a fury in him the only response that he could only grunt and try to focus on the punching bag in front of him. It was easier and maybe, even though she was in the room, it would provide some relief. Getting to be honest however, that would be a relief. To simply say the words. But he couldn’t, could he?

He slammed his fist into the bag.

Why.

Slam!

Couldn’t

Slam!

He

Slam!

Have

Slam!

Her?

The bag went flying, ripping off the hook holding it to the ceiling and crashing into the wall. Sand and stuffing scattered across the floor as he stood there, chest heaving wth the anger of what he couldn’t have.

“Raph, what’s wrong?” Y/N voice slipped into his head smooth and sweet in sharp contrast to the anger that swirled around his head. Her hand landed lightly on his shoulder as she came to stand beside him.

“You.” The word shattered the air around him. Around them. What had he just said?  Why had he said that? Why had he ruined the chance of anything between them? He couldn’t look at her, just listen to how her breath caught, and feel her hand lift from his skin.

“You don’t mean that.” There was that authoritative tone in her voice. Confident and smooth. Sweet and strong. It always seemed to have some magic effect on him, soothing his rough edges and the stormy seas of his heart.

“I don’t.” It came out a whisper. “You’re not a problem.” Raph closed his eyes, tried to breathe deeply. 

“So tell me what the problem is.”

Raph begged the words to escape smoothly. “The problem is me. I’ve loved you from the day I met you but I can’t have you. There is no way that you could love me back.” Well there it was. That was all he could say, that was all he could do. It was over and done with. She’d leave and his life would be a little darker for it.

“You are dense, aren’t you?” Her tone held a laugh. “Raph I’ve been trying to show you that I love you for weeks now.” His eyes shot open, flying to meet hers. God, those eyes, bright and happy and honest. She was always honest, always. She’d never proven otherwise. And the way her hand came up to cup his cheek only proved her honesty again.

“I love you.” Raph said it softly and watched as a light sparked in her eyes.

“I love you too.” With those words their lips collided, cementing the fact that love at first sight was possible. Even for him.

If you would like to be added or removed from the taglist please message me

Tags: @missbeautyandherbeast @akari180 @bluesakurablossom @raphlife @marimo-punk @msmcsmutt @sweetkitty1966 @dolphincommander @trtlpwr82-blog @ilikestuffproductions @jessicarosequinzelfleck @missdawnandherdusk @thebiggestnaturaldisaster @jessicarosequinzelfleck

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

self care with the boys

Leo

Now Leo is all about serious self care

as much as he loves pampering and pampering *you*, it can’t all be bubble baths and rainbows

no

he sets you to journaling 

I’m talking shadow work and inner child healing

he writes prompts for you guys to do together and you’ll sit and write for a hour or so

he buys you guys all kinds of cool stationary to make it as cool and pretty as possible

he takes it very seriously.

sometimes you guys will even share what you’ve written if that’s ok at that moment

guided meditations

sometimes he’ll even guide you himself which is fun

he’s also into the classic stuff

he loves a good face mask and bubble bath together

but he wants you two to heal from the inside out

so it can’t be solely surface level self care

Raph

so Raph is a tough guy

but even the toughest person needs a bit of self love

he would never let the others know it, but he actually really likes massages

scalp massages are his fave

but any will do

so sometimes you guys will make an evening of it

talk about your day and oil each other up and just go to town

talk about how next week will be better while you rub out those sore muscles

he’s also into yoga believe it or not

he’s got his warrior pose and downward facing dog down 

it centres him, makes him feel like he’s doing something good for his body

so some exercise, a nice healthy smoothie and a massage is like a dream night for him

Mikey

Mikey *is* the inner child, lets be honest

so sometimes he just needs some fun self care days

painting nails is one of his fave things to do

it makes him feel pretty and badass, as it should

Raph used to tease him for it but now he’s pretty sure Raph wants some nail polish too

there’s also hugging therapy that he adores

any time he can be close to you, he’ll take it

so some nights you’ll both put on some background noise, find a cosy, safe place

and just cuddle it out

it makes him feel whole again

he also loves positive self talk

you’ll both sit facing each other and say one good thing about yourself

then the other will go and you’ll continue like that for a few minutes

just reminding yourselves that you’re good people and deserve good things

Donnie

Would you believe that Donnie is actually super into witchy things??

“Magic is just science that we don’t understand yet!”

adores a good tarot reading and crystals

sometimes you’ll find him on a bad or anxious day just lying down with a rose quartz balanced on his forehead 

also very into meditating but can’t do it for too long

he’s not as zen as Leo and intrusive thoughts are a bitch

reading is also a double edged sword for him

it calms him down and makes him feel better but sometimes...

he just gets sucked into a black hole of new info that sends him spiralling and then it’s 3 days later and he’s gone from reading animal farm to power class and corruption pdf’s that he found on scholarly 

so normally he just sticks to auto biographys  

[kurlyfrasier]

Love Unknown (Part 1)

My dearest, most patient Nonny (you know who you are). I give you; PART ONE of your request. I hate that you’ve had to wait such a ridiculously long time for your request, so I thought I’d go ahead and give you the first bit. I hope you enjoy! Also, you never specified if you wanted the Reader and Raph to be in a relationship already so I hope you don’t mind that they are not in one at the moment.

Pairing: Raph x Reader

The Request (includes obvious warnings): its about angst, (spoiler), fight, blood and (spoiler again). ok, raph had a fight with reader so he say bad things to her, so he listens music (ZAYN & Sia - Dusk Till Dawn) because he was sad and crying but she could never hate raph, so after raph... (I’m leaving this part out of the request so there’s not so many spoilers) ....so he goes to reader and they make up. (possible trigger warning in tags that I took out of this request; may have to expand tags to see it)

A/N: I actually don’t watch any of the TMNT series’ so I know nothing about Destructor X (I’m assuming that’s who you wanted as the villain. I had to look it up). So, I took the liberty of changing the villain to one I know a tiny, itty bitty bit more about. I sincerely apologize if this ruins it for you. Also, this is a first draft.

Disclaimer: I own no TMNT anything, nor do I know any NYC geography, song belongs to Zayn & Sia, and last - but not least - Nonny owns this lovely, specific request! Honestly, I could do SO MUCH with this and it was hard to choose how to go about it. Last thing, I promise: If anyone thinks of a better title, PLEASE SHARE IT cuz I am terrible at coming up with titles.

Word Count: 1189

Raph fell onto his bed with a loud huff, body trembling from the hours-long workout he just finished. Yet, he was still angry - at himself more so than you. The words he spouted at you in a jealous rage- He shook his head, barely hearing the music blasting through his overly-large headphones as he recalled you wrestling with Mikey. His hand hovered, prepared to rip his headphones off, when the song changed to one you must have added to his playlist. You always did silly things like that; instilling bits of yourself into the turtles lives. They all loved it. 

Especially him. 

Especially on the days when you weren’t able to come visit.

Today had not been one of those days, but he had ruined it minutes into your visit.

His arm landed heavily next to him. Savoring the song, he closed his eyes. Unable to stop himself from falling for you even harder than he already had. A tear escaped, sliding down his cheek. Everything about the song reminded him of how he wished he could be with you. How he wanted to be there with you from dusk to dawn. How he wished to watch the sunrise with you. How he wished he had the right to touch you as the song implied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Something’s wrong,” Donnie whispered to Leo, pointing to a large screened device as Raph walked into the dojo, ready for patrol. “Her phone suddenly disconnected and I can’t pinpoint her on the GPS.”

Raph froze at his brother’s words, stomach sinking. He had a gut feeling they were talking about you. 

“Has she ever turned off her phone before?” Leo asked quietly, voice calm.

“Never,” Donnie emphatically shook his head, looking more worried by the second. “I’ve explained to her that she has to make sure her phone never dies and she nevers turns it off. Otherwise, if something happens…” He let the sentence hang.

“It’s possible (Y/n) forgot to charge her phone and-”

“That wouldn’t happen Leo!” Donnie whisper-shouted, shooting daggers at their brother. “She’s more responsible than that.”

“I know, I know,” Leo raised his hands in surrender. “I’ll go check her apartment and make sure everything’s okay.”

“What about R-”

“Don’t say anything until I get back,” Leo turned on his heel to find the very brother he was hoping to avoid, eyes widening slightly before forcing a neutral expression once more.

“Where ya goin’?” Raph asked, feigning nonchalance. Inside, he was raging, blood deafeningly pumped through his veins.

“Just getting some fresh air before we head out on patrol, is all,” he lied, making his way out of the dojo.

“I call bull,” Raph stated, eyes cold as he challenged their so-called leader, grabbing his brother’s arm in a vice-like grip. “What’s going on,” he growled out.

“It could be nothing, Raph. Calm-”

“(Y/n)’s phone is off,” Leo snapped his head in Donnie’s direction to find him marching their way. “Last I saw, she was headed East on Michigan Avenue.”

“When?”

“A couple of hours ago-”

“And you didn’t think to wake me!?” Raph released Leo to shake some sense into Donnie. He may have been a genius, but he could be a real dunce sometimes. “What if somethin’ happened to her! Huh!? What then!?”

“I thought-”

“It don’t matter what ya thought, Donnie!” Raph roared, shoving his brother away, causing him to stumble to the ground.

Next thing Raph knew, he and his brothers were topside, rain beating down on them in torrents as they headed East on Michigan, but he didn’t feel the cold. His only thoughts were of you; your scent, your hair, your laugh, that spark in your eye when you were up to something - or angry, now that he thought about it. Point was, if anything happened to you… he would never be able to forgive himself. Heck, he wasn’t sure he would live. You were his sunshine on his darkest days, the one thing he looked forward to most was seeing your smiling face. Not that you knew this, especially after your fight earlier in the day. 

One thing he knew for certain, on top of all that, was that he would never deserve you.

He was a monster. Something he proved all too well earlier that day and he wouldn’t be at all surprised if you hated him for it. Even he knew that he blew up for no good reason. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were drenched, and not from the sprinkle of rain that hit you- how long ago was it now? You didn’t know. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. The warm, thick liquid dripped down your temple from the last blow Karai had given you with the butt of her tanto blade. Eyes closed, you let out a groan, head pounding from the memory.

They had left you; the lowly Foot Clan soldiers and Karai, but you knew they’d be back for more. Considering how silent you were about the turtles whereabouts, you basically guaranteed yourself a nice, long torture. Karai just had to go get her ‘tools’, as she called them. Personally, you thought her fists, feet, and tantos were enough. 

Opening your eyes, you sought a way to escape. Not that you had any luck so far ridding yourself of the deadly tight ropes tying you to the hard, metal chair you sat in. Still, the thought of escape had you squinting into the darkened room. The only light was when lightning struck in the sky, seeping through the windows close to the ceiling. There were a few open, allowing the booming thunder to roll easily to your ears and rain to drip down the walls. Stacks of boxes surrounded you. If they weren’t too terribly heavy, you might be able to move a stack to create a makeshift staircase to the windows. You wriggled, but it only seemed to tightened the ropes at your wrists and ankles.

With a deep breath you thought of Raph. He was your best friend. If you were to die tonight you hoped he knew you didn’t hate him. Knowing him, that’s exactly what was running through his head. He was so passionate about everything he did. He felt everything so much more than you did, it seemed. Except for maybe one thing; your love for him. Nothing he ever did or said would ever turn your heart away from him. Granted, you did wonder what shot him off this time. He almost never took his anger out on you unless you did something dangerous; like try to follow him on patrol or go through dark alleys or- Well, the list went on. You did like pushing his buttons, but you liked how much he worried over you even more. 

The small smile that crept onto your lips faded the moment Karai slammed open the door, making a grand entrance with a wheeled table covered in objects that reflected the bit of light that now lit the room, giving it an almost romantic glow. It was a small fight to stop the laugh that bubbled in your throat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2