#Donna tart how do you write

[mrkeatingsblazer]

Me daydreaming about writing my book rather then actually writing it is not the vibe

[i-heart-emos]

R𝑖ght p𝑙ace R𝑖ght t𝑖me/ Gerard way

Pairing: Gerard way x fem!reader

Warnings: little cussing, nothing really where this is a safe haven today

Summary: while working at Barnes and noble Gerard runs into what he calls “the girl of his dreams”

A/N” I know shit about comics so I’m just gonna to books I’ve read and think Gerard would like please don’t come for me

You briskly walk through the busy city watching all the street lamps start to turn on.

“Crap” you mutter under your breath. You can tell if it just getting darker earlier cause its winter up north or if it’s just late. You really wanna make it in time before Barnes and noble closes.

To say this weak has been shit is an understatement. First your stupid car broke down so you’ve basically been walking everywhere,Then your dog ran away,and you just started your period. So your only solution books.

You round the corner greeted by the bright lights of the dark brown building. Barnes and noble you read smiling brightly. You run to the door to check the sign

“Open yes” you exclaim hearing the chime of the door as it opens up

“Hello welcome” you hear a monotone voice say

You look up to be greeted by a brunette with bangs and glasses nose in a book not paying much attention. You do wanna ask about a book but don’t want to interrupt so you look for another employee.

As you walk the store you see another man he seems a little older than the other boy maybe 3-4 and he has longer black hair. You see he’s not preoccupied so you feel fine going up to him

You walk up slightly tapping on his shoulder.

“Hi don’t mean to be a bother but can you help me find a book” I say smiling brightly

He turns to a small smile adorning his face “oh yes totally what are you looking for” he asks

“The secret history by Donna tart” you ask

“Oh that one’s great right over here” he says guiding you

“Right it is I heard you guys have a new cover in stock so I thought I might as well come see” you smile “maybe it’ll make my week better” I mutter the last part to myself not think he heard

“Sorry you had a bad week” he says sympathetically

“Oh no it’s really fine life’s life” I say laughing slightly

“Yea I get well here’s the book and” he looks at like he wants to say something but the words are stuck

“And” I say smiling expectantly

“Wanna get coffee when I get off in like 20 mins” he says smiling

“Yes sure I’d love too” I say

“Good cause there’s like a Starbucks connected I mean you probably noticed your not blind but we can go there or anywhere else if you don’t like them” he says rambling in you giggle finding it quite cute

“Yes Starbucks sounds great thanks” I respond “is it alright if I just hand with you till you close then since it’s only 20 mins we can talk more about the book” you say holding up your copy

“Yes totally” he say smiling widely

“Alright im gonna go pay for this and ill be right back” I say smiling walking over to the checkout

“Wait what’s your name” he hollers grabbing the attention of some of the customers

You laugh a little “Y/N how about you”

“Gerard” he yells at the same level making you smile widely

Gerard quickly runs to Mikey smiling brightly

“What got you smiling like that you but another actions figure” Mikey say continuing to swipe threw his pages

“No I just met the love of my life” Gerard sighs like a teenage girl

“Wow a female is interested in you” Mikey says suprised

“Fuck you” Gerard laughs knocking Mikey’s book over

A/N: sorry if this is shit I just really wanted to get it out hope you enjoyed and please request for mcr fics I love writing them

[thebestofoneshots]

Hi there luv

Geuss what, I have officially followed you for a year! Which means that we some days ago had 1 year of me following you.

The only reason I got Tumblr in the first place was because I was despretly trying to find new chapters of GG since there wasen't anymore on Waptted(?). So I went on a little research on your social media (only fpund Tumblr) and coulden't read any of your chapters.. so I made an acount and followed you as the first thing.

I love you so dearly, you and @blacksgarden mean the world to me and have helped me improve my mental health, I'm so greatfull for you two and I hope you understand that. GC is fantastisk too, the best fanfic I've ever read actually. I love it very much, but recently I have got no time to read it, firstly because I tried useing c.ai which went really bad because now I cant stop.. and secoundly I bought The Secret History by Donna Tart. Have you read it?

Anyways lots of love, and I'll try to get better at reading your chapters.

My beloved Vilma! First of all, congratulations for one year on this hellsite! I feel like we all sometimes complain about it, but secretly love it nonetheless. I mean after being here for like 13 years, there has to be a reason for my attachment. 

Althought, I must say it's been only lately that I've gotten to truly enjoy the benefits of the website. The community and friendships that it allows you to form are the most delightful thing ever! I'm immensely thankful to the Marauders fandom for showing me the way! 

I had no idea I somehow induced your coming to the website, but I do remember how you started showing up in my notifications and ask box and how you've been the sweetest person ever since. I'm so lucky that we found each other! 

Honestly, c.ai is addictive as hell, I've somehow managed not to allow it to consume all of my time, but the new voice call thing is crazy! Some are scarily accurate, me and my friends were playing with them last time we met, and it's just insane. For sure, 13-year-old old me would have been so addicted to it it would have become an issue. But also, I'm forever thankful bc it was thanks to c.ai that I managed to muster enough confidence for writing smut, hehe...

And of course, I've read The Secret History! In fact, I've also read some of the other books by Donna, and I love her aesthetics as much as I love the way she writes. Her chapters can sometimes be rather lengthy, and the endings might not always be what we're used to, but so far, I've enjoyed every book from her I've read. I wouldn't know If I liked The Goldfinch better than TSH, but I can safely say both were gratifying reads. 

You're in for a trip with TSH, and if you ever want to message me about it, you're more than welcome! I was lucky enough to read it about at the same time as one of my close friends, and whenever something was too insane, she became my support system, if you ever need one of those, don't hesitate to contact me! 

Also! Book clubs are so fun! I wish I could form one hehe.

[otrtbs]

Hey hey hi Nat!

So this is so off topic but anyways I was checking out ur works and i saw art monsters and yk I decided to read it, so I didn't read the tags right but as I'm reading the first chapter it's getting more and more donna tartt coded, I went back to the tags and I saw inspired by tsh and I kid you not I lit started jumping in excitement BC I LOVE DONNA TART AND I LOVE HOW YOU WROTE AND IDK ITS ALL IUST SO YUMMY AND ITS MY FAVPRTIE PARJNGS WRITTEN BY YOU INSPIRED BYBDKNNA TART WHICH IS SO AAAAAKDHFKDHD

I think that's all I wanted to day

OH AND OML I HAVENT READ THE GOLDFINCH YET BUT THE LITTLE FRIEND WAS SO AAAJSFKFH LIKE DAMN BRO AND JDDJDK AND THERE WERE MOMENTS IN TSH THAT LOWKEY MADE MY JAW DROP, LIKE WAIT NO I DOMT WANNA SPOIL BUT WHEN RICHARD FOUND OUT WHAT THE GROUP WAS UP TOO LIKE AJSJSJDHD

Ok ty 🤗

HIII!! HEYY HIII!!! ☺️���

yes! it is inspired by tsh rahhh!! also rip because it takes me 5ever to write it but we vibe 😎😎😎

thank you!!!!! i’m so glad you like it and ur excitement is infectious <33

NOOO THE LITTLE FRIEND ,,, listen ,,, i was reading it and then i got impatient bc i wanted to know who done it basically and ,,, i spoiled the whole book for myself so i haven’t picked it back up but i really need to do that 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[ijustreadthisbook]

Top Five Books I've Read (so far) In 2023:

5. Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr (Audiobook): One of the more unique novels I've read in a while, this book bounces around in time and place slowly weaving each dispirate story together around the fictitious ancient greek story of Cloud Cuckoo Land. Each character is so well created, and the slow thrill of putting the pieces together was so satisfying. The ending made me stare at the wall for a few moments before I could come back to earth.

Read if you like: Ted Chiang short stories, The Birds by Aristophanes, Margaret Atwood sci-fi

4. Truth of the Divine by Lindsay Ellis (Physical book): The sequel to her debut novel, Axiom's End, this book takes the monster fucking story to a whole new level exploring the concepts of attraction, loyalty, love, and humanity. The world building is incredible, the main character doesn't have that awful trait that a lot of sci-fi audience inserts have where they cannot possibly make logical connections and answer questions themselves. Cora is smart, and Ellis assumes you are smart too. Plus the recreation of 2007 era America is fucking perfect.

Read if you like: Early 2000's nostalgia, Jeff VanderMeer books, Axiom's End, 90s alien movies like Contact, Independence Day, Aliens

3. The Roughest Draft by Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegmund-Broka (Physical book): I've read a bunch of romance this year, and this was one of my absolute favorites. Certainly not the spiciest I've read, but the interplay between the two points of view creates a romantic, sexual, and professional tension that is so palpable and delicious. I loved the meta narrative of two people writing a book together about two people writing a book together, and the exploration of what making art together means and the intimacy required to do it. It's a little predictable, but that's what you want from a romance novel. This was a fun book with just enough stakes and just enough stress to make the payoff so worth it.

Read if you like: Emily Henry books, movies like You've Got Mail, Something's Gotta Give, Always Be My Maybe

2. The It Girl by Ruth Ware (audiobook): I love Ruth ware. I love her. I have read everything she has written so far and will read anything she puts out. I selected this one for my list because I love the setting of a close knit school campus, a shining bright young woman with a dark secret, and the real time unravelling of a murder mystery through the eyes of someone on the ground. This book explores the idea of how little we can know about the people we are closest to, and how easy it is to blind ourselves to the truth because of what we want to be true. It's a captivating read, easily finished in a day or two.

Read if you like: One by One by Ruth Ware, Gossip Girl, Jennifer's Body

1. The Secret History by Donna Tart (physical book): I cannot believe how long it took me to read this book. It was one of those books that kept getting recommended to me, but I was worried it was over hyped and would be awful. I tried to read it about two years ago and couldn't even get through the first chapter. And yet, somehow, I picked this book up and did not put it down for a week and a half. It's incredible. An absolute masterclass on Dark Academia, tension building, atmospheric storytelling, all the things I love the most about literature with all the modern trappings of an aesthetic I have also come to love. Rich kids in a private school testing the boundaries of privilege through the POV of an outsider desperate to be accepted is one of my favorite tropes and this book is the definition of how to do it right. It's dark, its academic, it's murdery, it's the 90s, it's excellent. I'll be reading this one again.

Read if you like: A Separate Peace, Brideshead Revisited, Gentlemen and Players, The Talented Mr Ripley

[wambsgansshoelaces]

I just finished reading 'The Secret History" by Donna tart and OHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GODDDDDDD MY LIFE IS OVER. I WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THIS. THIS BOOK HAS ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY. I AM NOW A DIFFEERENT PERSON MENTALLY. EMOTIONALLY. PHYSICALLY. SPIRITUALLY. MY HEART HAS BEEN SHATTERED AND MY ORGANS HAVE BEEN CRUSHED IN NEW AND CREATIVE WAYS I NEVER KNEW TO BE POSSIBLE. SHWAY O BANOT MIN EL SHOBAK. IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME ILL BY CRYING CAUSE HOW RHE FUCK DO YOU GET ME HUNG UP ON THIS FUCKIN RED FLAG OF A MAN AND HIS EQUALLY RED OF A FLAG GF (who fucks her twin brother occasionally. just cared to mention) ONLY TO KILL THIS FUCKER OFF. HOW DO YOU WRITE SHIT LIKE "I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive" AND THEN MOVE ON WITH YOUR FUCKING DAY OH MY GODODODODODOODODODODOD

I LITERALLY JUST STARTED READING IT OMG IM SO EXCITED

also thank you for still talking to me when I left u I love u anon so much

[kaylinlmao]

Fight PT 2 *Edited*

Heyo! Since a couple people wanted this, I shall write it because I'm a people pleaser! :)

Warning: Yandere! Bruce, Yandere! Finney, Yandere Robin, Yandere, Billy, Yandere! Vance, Yandere! Griffin. Toxic, obsessive, manipulative behavior. Aged up to 18 because that just makes more sense to me! Some swearing.

Summary: The boys go to seek out Y/N's friendship and she accepts. What she didn't for see was the manipulation, overprotective and obsessed behavior.

My older sister walked into my room and shook me awake. "Dude, wake the fuck up" she said, pulling the covers off of head. "What the hell happened to your eye?! MOM!" "No! Don't yell for mom! It's fine. I just got in a fight." "On your first day? Did you win?" she questioned me. "What the fuck you think? Of course I won. I'm no wimp." "Sure. Seriously, get up though if you don't want to be late." She laughed, rolling her eyes and walking away.

I crawled out of bed and got ready to go. I went downstairs to where my sister was eating at the table. "Where are the adults?" I asked "They just left for work" Of course they did. Didn't even interact with me at all. "Grab a pop tart or something and go. You have like 10 minutes until you're bell rings" she says. "Oh shit!" I said, running to the pantry, grabbing a Smores pop tart and bolting out the door. Once I started driving, I remembered everything that happened yesterday and started freaking out. Oh god. They're gonna kill me. I started imagining scenarios of them beating my ass or murdering me. Stupid intrusive thoughts. I didn't want to go to school now but I didn't have a choice. I parked my car, took a deep breath, and walked inside.

The bell hadn't rang yet so the halls were crowded with students and their friends talking before school started. As I was walking towards my locker, I saw Donna and she waved me over. "Hey! I heard what you did yesterday! That was either really smart or really stupid." She said, chuckling. "Probably the latter" I faintly smiled. "I have to go get my books from my locker. Ill see you later?" I asked. "Of course. Do you want to eat lunch together under the tree again?" she asked. "I would love to!" I said, smiling. "Ok! I'll meet you there! Bye!" "See you"

Once I made it to my locker, I saw the group of boys from yesterday waiting there for me. Oh god, oh god, oh god. I'm gonna die. They're gonna murder me and ima die. Play it cool, Y/N. Play it cool. I walked over to my locker and opened it, completely ignoring the boys crowded around it. How the fuck did they even know that this was my locker anyways? "Hey" Bruce said. I ignored him. Probably not the best choice but I didn't know what to say. Hey I'm sorry for beating your asses yesterday. Please don't kill me. No.

"Hello?" Finney said, tapping me. I shoved my books in my bag and started to walk away but Vance grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "We're talking to you" "How can I help you?" I asked, sighing in exasperation. "We need to talk" Billy said. "About what?" I questioned tiredly. "Let's go outside" Robin said. They started walking outside. Perfect time to bolt! I tried to run off but Bruce, who was closest to me, grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards them. They surrounded me so I had to walk with them.

"What the fuck do you want?!" I said, angry because I couldn't get away. "Hey! Stop that! We just wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out with us!" Bruce said. What the Reeses peanut butter fucks is this shit? "What the fuck do you mean?" Robin said. "Did I say that out loud?" "Yes, Y/N. Jesus." Vance rolling his eyes. "How the hell do you know my name? I never told you." "We asked Donna. And because she's scared of us, she told us." Billy said. "We just want to be your friends" Griffin says. "No catch?" I ask, suspicious. "No catch" Finney reassures me. I hesitate for a second before saying "Ok." and walking off.

"Hey! You're sitting with us at lunch." said Finney "No, I'm not. I'm sitting with Donna." "No you're not." Robin says. "You're sitting with us" said Bruce. "No I'm not! You can't tell me what to do!" I say. Vance stalks over to me. "You're sitting with us. Or do we need eliminate the problem?" Vance whispers in my ear. "You can't do anything to Donna" I whispered, my voice shaking. "You'd be surprised, Doll." "Ok. Ill sit with you guys" I whisper. He pulls away and as I'm walking away he yells "See you at lunch Dollface!"

What have I gotten myself into?

Soooo Idk if I like this yet but whateves. I'm gonna try to post everyday. Please request stuff! My imagination only goes so far. and let me know in the comments if you want yandere poly ghost boys, yandere brance x reader, yandere finbin x reader, or just some fluff or angst with any of them you want. Part 3 is posted! Love y'all! :) -Kaylin

@finneysbaseball

[magickastiel]

✨ B&B’S CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR ✨

15th December - reminiscing & winter blues

I am, once again, attempting to write one story through different prompts. I really enjoyed it last time so let’s see if I can do it through December!

check out the other days | now on ao3

Summary: Just a month after defeating Chuck, Sam & Dean are faced with their first real Christmas. Eileen, Jody, Donna, Claire & Kaia descend on the Bunker for a Christmas celebration like no other. But for Dean, Castiel’s confession still weighs heavy. It might be easier to deal with if Cas was actually around to talk to but he and Jack are busy in Heaven. Surely they don’t have time to come home for Christmas…do they?

💙

Once Dean’s safety tucked away in the kitchen, he finally lets out a long breath. The embarrassment and the shame hits him so hard he almost bends double.

He shouldn’t have cut Cas off like that. Cas deserves to be heard. Even if it makes Dean uncomfortable. Even if it makes him -

There’s no point thinking about it now.

Dean learned that from the ‘positive living’ videos Sam sent him and he most definitely hasn’t watched thank you. Recognise your mistakes, learn what to do differently and let it go.

He’s not good yet but he’s trying. And that’s more than he thought he would be doing a month ago.

So he picks himself up and starts sorting his seasonings for the tart filling. He’s only alone for ten minutes or so when Donna wanders into the kitchen, sighing.

“Oh, hey Dean. Sorry, didn’t mean to disturb ya.” But she lingers anyway, sighing again.

Dean’s jaw clenches.

“You ok, Donna?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah, sure.” Another sigh and Dean fights the urge to roll his eyes. “It’s just…I get a little mopey ‘round this time of year I guess, ya know?”

She leans against the counter right next to him as he’s trying to mix his sweet potato, spinach and feta concoction.

“I guess I…” He’s surprised when Donna’s voice breaks a little, usually so light and happy. He wipes his hands and faces her, seeing the first hint of tears filling her brown eyes. “Makes me think of all the Christmases gone by. Real good ones. And some bad ones. It was always so exciting when I was a kid. But as I’ve gotten older…just seems a bit empty sometimes. Lonely.”

Dean nods. He still feels a little raw from Cas’ unfiltered praise earlier so he starts to speak.

“Christmas ain’t something that usually affects me. Not like it’s been a family tradition through the years.” One year, achingly cold and lonely, sticks most in his mind. “When I was 24, I had the worst damn Christmas of my life.”

Donna stands a little straighter, face soft and sympathetic. “What happened?”

“Sam had gone to Stanford, gone forever maybe, as far as I knew. And Dad was in the wind, hunting Azazel.” It’s strange now, to think of those days. How oddly simple it was when all they were looking for was one demon. “Man, he hunted him so desperately it was like mom had only died a week ago. I think losing Sam pushed him further into it. Made him angrier.”

“So you were all on your lonesome?”

“Yeah.” Dean swallows around the lump in his throat. “Hustled pool on Christmas Eve, got enough money for a crappy motel room with no heat and two pizzas. One for that night and one for Christmas dinner.” He wants to laugh but he can’t. “Woke up Christmas Day with a killer hangover and spent an hour being sick. Then I went for a walk.”

He snorts. “Got lost in the woods. Twisted my ankle. Went round and round til it went dark. Ended up sleeping alone under a tree. North-east coast, freezing weather. Got so cold I thought my toes’d snap off.” He shakes his head. “Stupid kid.”

“What was it like?”

The constant scream of pain in his ankle kept him awake for hours. The cold bit at his face. The darkness pressed on his eyes. “Shitty. Just remember thinking I should be trying to get back to the motel and warm up. But I just…couldn’t do it. Just sat there and…and cried. Thought there was no point trying to get back ‘cause there was no one waiting for me anyway.”

“Oh, boy.” Donna steps close. “Ya know I gotta hug ya now, don’t cha?”

He smiles and leans into it, Donna’s warmth easing away the icy cold memory.

“Too young to be so sad. Same age as Claire.”

“Yeah.” Dean isn’t sure why that shakes him but he feels unsteady. “Same age as Claire.”

Dean knows sometimes he’s too quick to dismiss the stuff he’s been through - Sam lectures him about it often enough. And even when he does try and address it, it’s always ‘the big stuff’; apocalypses, friends dying, torture, Hell. Sometimes he wonders how much of the stuff he skims over should really be pulled out and examined. Wonders how much his childhood really messed him up.

Because thinking about Claire, injured and lost alone in a dark wood on Christmas Day makes him want to scream.

He feels his bottom lip wobble and Donna’s hands are immediately on his arms.

“Hey, now. You ain’t ever gotta feel like that again. You got all of us! Whether you want us or not, we’re gonna be here, cluttering up your Bunker and driving ya nuts!”

He laughs and scrubs a hand over his face. “Yeah. I’ll take annoying family any day.”

“Exactly!” She grins at him, looking fond. “Me too. You know, I was gonna tell ya about my lonely Christmases after I got divorced but you kinda got me beat.”

“Oh, shit.” Dean curses, realising he kind of went off on one. “Sorry, Donna, I didn’t mean to - ”

“Nah, it’s fine!” She waves a hand, looking much happier. “To be honest, I think that mighta helped. I might not have a hot cowboy husband or a little baby - not even sure if that is what I want - but I still got my own weird little family. And that’s pretty damn good.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s pretty great actually.”

“We’ll work it out. Maybe I should try that whole ‘eat better’ and ‘take vitamin D’ thing. But honestly, I can’t see how eating less donuts is gonna make me any happier.”

Dean grins at that, suddenly feeling better about that little stomach he’s gained since they defeated Chuck.

“Hmm.” Donna pauses and then thwacks the side of his arm, grinning. “Speaking of vitamin D.” She giggles and wiggles her eyebrows. “What about that Castiel? Phew, what a dreamboat, am I right?”

“Oh, er…” Dean turns back to his mixture to cover the panic he knows must be all over his face. “I, uh, wouldn’t know. We’re just friends - ”

“That voice?” Donna swoons, her face transformed into delight. “Ooh, boy. He’s a knee-trembler alright!”

Dean screws his eyes up and suddenly wishes they were talking about his miserable Christmas again. Please anything but this, let him think about anything other than -

“He might not be a cowboy but I’ll take an angel any day!” She giggles again. “Wowzer. There’s something about him, ya know? He’s got this…dry way of speaking that’s so attractive, I think. Like a real Mr Darcy!”

I’m not Elizabeth Bennet. I’m not Elizabeth Bennet.

“So what’s his deal?” Donna’s voice lowers to a stage-whisper. “Is he into humans? Female humans? Is he into anything?”

“Uh, uh…” Dean has no idea how to answer. “He, uh…I know he slept with a female reaper once.”

“Ooh, that’s hopeful! They look like humans, right?” Donna straightens up, looking cheery. “That’s exciting! Maybe I’ll wear the v-neck sweater tomorrow, huh? Show a bit more skin. You never know, I could have a hot angel husband by next Christmas!”

Dean is spared the pain of grunting out a reply.

“I doubt it.”

Eileen appears in the doorway, eyeing them both with a dangerous smile.

“Ooh, no, really?” Donna looks disappointed. “Am I not his type, do ya think?”

“It’s not that.” Eileen wanders closer, her gaze flicking to Dean. His stomach drops as she smirks. “It’s just that he’s already in love.”

Dean goes hot and cold all over and he glares hard at Eileen, feeling betrayed.

“Really?” Donna sounds excited again, quickly getting over her heartbreak. “Who? Some fancy angel, I bet.”

“Not quite.” Eileen looks at Dean deliberately and nods her head towards him.

“I absolutely hate you!” He hisses but there’s no heat behind it. He’s pretty sure Eileen could stab him and he’d forgive her.

She cackles.

“Noooo!” Donna turns on him, eyes wide. “Here I was a-swooning and a-crooning over him and he’s your handsome angel all this time!”

“No, Donna, no. He’s not my handsome angel, he’s…” He flounders, face hot. “He’s his own handsome angel, ok! Just a normal angel! He’s…we’re friends, ok! He just happens to be…also in love with me. Apparently. So he says. But only once. And that was before he died. And now he’s back and we haven’t talked about it so…”

“Dean.” Donna looks at him almost sternly. “If you don’t get him, I will. I got a low cut Christmas sweater and I ain’t afraid to use it.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Eileen says and they both high-five.

“You - you traitor!” He glares at Eileen, almost picking up the filling-covered wooden spoon to wave at her. “You promised you wouldn’t tell! You pinky promised!”

“No.” She shakes her head, looking smug. “I only pinky promised I wouldn’t tell Sam.”

“You promised you wouldn’t tell Sam what?”

He wheels around to see Sam at the door, frowning.

Dean’s stomach drops to his feet.

[otsoreads]

End of the Year Reading Tag

got tagged by @ram-reads !! <3 thank you :,)

did you reach your reading goal for the year (if you had one)?

i did! it was a rly small goal, just 12 books, one for each month. but it helped me get back into the habit of reading for pleasure after getting really burnt out studying literature at uni. but i surpassed my goal by 2 books :3

what are your top 3 books you read this year?

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

what’s a book that you didn’t expect to enjoy quite so much going in?

On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden! I definitely forgot how beautiful graphic novels can be, I loved them as a kid and then kinda just forgot. Really really glad I read it!

were there any books that didn’t live up to your expectations?

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez :,) I’m so sorry I just didn’t vibe with it. I might try again in a few years but, as of now, it’s not for me

did you reread any old faves? If so, which one was your favourite?

Kind of? I read and heavily annotated Fleabag: The Scriptures and since I’ve seen the show a billion times it was similar to a reread :)

did you dnf any books?

I didddd… I feel bad abt this but Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas.. I was reading it on my phone, which probably added to the problem since I prefer reading in print? But idk the writing style was not… captivating. Sorta read like a fanfic in places, not that fanfics can’t be incredible but there’s a specific writing style that a lot of them use and I got those vibes while reading this book.

did you read any books outside your usual preferred genre(s)?

Yup! I read Verity by Colleen Hoover! Wayyy out of my comfort zone as a thriller. Unfortunately I hated it so, I guess my preferences still stand :/

what was your predominant format this year?

Print print always print. Two on my iPad but everything else print <3

what’s the longest book you read this year?

fucking The Priory of the Orange Tree !! 830 pages of pure high fantasy genius

what are your top 3 anticipated 2022 releases?

I don’t really pay attention to stuff that hasn’t been released yet! but I’ve heard about The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea by Axie Oh! That sounds rly interesting :3 also Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

what books from your tbr did you not get to this year, but are excited to read in 2022?

Ok ok here’s my planned lineup for the first month or so

In the Dream House by Carmen Miranda Machado

Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune

Crush by Richard Siken

The Secret History by Donna Tart

and then the Half Bad trilogy (Sally Green), not bc I think they sound good but bc my mom is obsessed w them and I love her so I’m gonna force myself to do it lol

i don’t rly have any friends on this acc yet but I’ll tag some mutuals! no pressure hehe

@flowerdepths @agardenandlibrary @mybibliotheque

[pixelburied]

do you have any suggestions for good cog games to play? i've already played wayhaven and keeper of the sun and moon so far and i'm looking for new ones.

OH BOY DO I aasldfkjaslkdfd come into my shop anon and tell me what it is you seek

The Fog Knows Your Name - If you only play one book from this list, let it be this. Arbor Isle is a small sea-side town with dark secrets. You play a high school senior accused of the murder of one of your (popular) classmates. The plot is great, the writing is impeccable, and the romance options are some of the best I’ve seen. You do have to be wary of your stats though if you want to reach some objectives but I played my first run without checking the stats and still enjoyed it very much.

The Grim and I - This one was written by the same dude who wrote The Evertree Inn/Swordwin Saga (both good and recommended!) but it isn’t as widely known as the other two. I’m recommending this because this is one of the most unique books I’ve read. You play someone who’s recently died and the grim reaper comes to take you away to the other side but for some reason, you can’t go with them. Here, you try to come to terms with your unfinished business/es or decide to stay as a ghost forever. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and I cried a few times. You will think about this story long after you finish! Bonus, you are actually actively discouraged from checking stats. After all, you’re dead already anyway. There is no active romance here (unless that is your unfinished business with your widow/widower) but the relationship you can have with the grim reaper is incredibly poignant.

Choice of Deathless - This one is free to play! You are an attorney in a law firm facilitating contracts with demons using soul as payment. The world-building is great and the plot is easy to follow! It’s basically Suits but with demons. Also, this has the best love scene I’ve read in any COG/Hosted Game book. It revolves around the fact there is no plural for “you” and how the English language is incapable of fully capturing the intricacies of love-making. It’s a grammar geek’s wet dream!

Breach: The Archangel Job - This one’s a little different from the others above. You join The Archangels in their bloody campaign against the Chicago Mafia. It’s classic role-playing. You gotta work on your stats and there’s also a chance/randomizer/dice-roll factor (which you can turn off). I suggest you play on “Very Easy” on your first run so you can focus on the story. The characters are great! And the plot really pulls you in to the criminal underworld. Please take note of the content warnings, there will be blood, gore, sex, and violence.

Creme de la Creme - If you’re into the whole dark academia aesthetic, this one’s for you. Think “The Secret History” by Donna Tart but toned down. This is basically Gossip Girl but make it British and throw in a little criminal controversy. The romance options are all unique and you have one poly route. The pacing is similar to Keeper of The Sun and Moon, in that there are moments when nothing happens so you can spend time immersing yourself in the school / environment, if that makes sense.

I hope this helps! I have a side blog dedicated to Choice of Games / Hosted Games (among other things) so you can check out my #cog and #choice of games tags at @leon-dalton. 

[axwalker]

Tears in heaven 7: Grief

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.

Pairings: Liam x MC Drake x MC (TRR)

Warnings:   This is an 18+ blog.

IN THIS CHAPTER: CAR ACCIDENT, DEATH OF A CHILD, GRIEVING PARENTS.

 if you’re triggered by any of these issues, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY

To catch up: Masterlist

A/N: The story will go back and forth between two different periods of time (2015-2019) 

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

Thanks to @burnsoslow for so so so much. Not only she corrected my several English mistakes but she helped me with her feedback, and with Alexis’s letter and the horrible phone call she receives.I LOVE YOU  ❤️

Thank you @pedudley for beta reading, for ALL the feedback and for listening to my incessant whining while I was writing this chapter. I LOVE YOU  ❤️

November 2014 – November 2018

That Saturday had started like many others before. Drake woke up early to the sight of Alexis’s soft, bare skin next to him. He leaned over to pepper her back with lusty kisses. They were going to be apart the whole weekend, and Drake wanted to show his beautiful wife just how much he was going to miss her. Alexis woke up smiling and enjoying the jolts of pleasure that his ministrations always produced. Unfortunately, they both heard the voice calling them from the next room, suddenly interrupting their morning plans. Drake chuckled, resigned, as Alexis put on his Rolling Stones T-shirt. Twenty seconds later, Drake brought a sleepy Tom to the room with a book in his hands.

“C’mere, little man.” Drake placed him next to Alexis in their bed. Tom snuggled against his mother and gave her his favorite book as he did every Saturday morning. “I’ll go make us breakfast, Lexie,” he said and left for the kitchen after placing soft kisses on Tom’s and Alexis’ heads.

“Let’s see what you have this morning, Peanut.” She read the title out loud: “The Very Hungry Caterpillar. You really like this one, don’t you, hon?”

Tom nodded vigorously.  Alexis giggled and started reading as her son ran his little fingers over the drawings of the book.

When their reading was over, Alexis took Tom to his room. She went to the drawers to pick out his clothes.

“So, Shrek or Cars, Peanut?” she asked as she pulled out two different T-shirts from the top drawer.

“Shek!” Tom yelled excited.

“‘Shek’ it is, then,” she said, winking at him.

After a few minutes of chasing Tom around the room because he refused to wear his pants, they came down to the kitchen.

Drake chuckled at the sight of Tom wearing his green Shrek T-shirt with yellow pants and the cowboy boots Bianca had sent from Texas. His mother didn’t even know Tom. Those boots were the only gift she had sent him in three years, but Tom loved them.

“Bold choice of outfit, little man. Uncle Max will be proud.”

Alexis giggled. “He refused to wear anything else,” she said, placing Tom in his chair. “I can believe I have to work on a Saturday. I’m going to miss you two so much.” She pouted.

Drake was going with Tom to Ramsford for Savannah’s birthday. Alexis had gotten a job as the assistant to a renowned literary agent. She loved it, but it meant that she had to leave with her boss for the weekend to Portavira’s Book Fair.

Drake cupped her face before speaking. “You’re killing me with that sad little face. The weekend will be over before you know it. Tomorrow night we will be here waiting here for you, and we’ll have dinner ready. Do you want to cook with Dad, Peanut?”

Tom clapped with the spoon still in his hand, splashing strawberry yogurt all over the kitchen. “We make cake for Mommy!”

She took a kitchen towel and cleaned the mess, smiling at Tom’s vitality. “Well, if a delicious chocolate cake will be here waiting for me, I’ll be very motivated to come back as fast as possible.”

“I hope you’ll be motivated by more than cake, Lexie,” Drake said teasingly as he served them the food; he had prepared his Saturday special: Belgian waffles with Nutella and fresh bananas.

Alexis gave him a sultry kiss and whispered in his ear, “Finishing what you started this morning is definitely motivation number one.”  

Drake blushed. God, she loved him so much it hurt. “You look cute blushing, Mr. Walker.”

He chuckled. “I love you, Mrs. Walker.”

They ate and talked until Alexis’s phone beeped with a message. “Fuck, Drake! It’s Charlie; her car is picking me up in less than 10 minutes.”

Drake smirked. “A dollar in the jar, baby. And I’d like to remind you that you’re losing,” he added smugly.

Alexis stuck her tongue out at him, making Tom laugh. She took a bill out of her wallet and put it in the jar they had placed in the kitchen. They were both trying to stop swearing in front of Tom. Surprisingly enough, Drake was much better at it than she was.

After fetching her bag and coat, she sat on her husband’s lap, looping her arms around his neck. “I have to go -- please take care of our baby. I’m going to miss you two like crazy.”

He gave her a small peck on her nose. “Me too, Lexie, and don’t worry. We’ll see each other tomorrow night. Right, little man? Are you ready to have an adventure with your dad?”

“Yes, an aventure!” Tom exclaimed, beaming and making his parents laugh.

After saying goodbye to Drake with a deep kiss, Alexis took Tom out of his chair and bounced him around, making him giggle. “You behave, Peanut. I will be thinking about you,” she said, rubbing his stomach. “I love you so, so much, my baby.”

Tom placed his small hands on her face. “Me too, Mommy.” Her heart tugged when she put her little boy back in his chair. She was having more trouble than usual saying goodbye.

Drake smiled at the scene. He scooped Tom up into his arms, and they went to the door to wave Alexis goodbye as her car drove away.

Alexis worked hard that day; Charlie was a great but demanding boss. That night, she went to bed with The Goldfinch, Donna Tart’s latest novel. Tart was one of her favorite authors, but she was unable to focus on the story. Alexis finally closed the book and unplugged her phone. Scrolling through The Cordonian Times News website, she saw that a huge storm was about to hit Ramsford. She decided to call Drake.

“Hi, baby. How was the Fair?” he asked.

“Great! You know Charlie. She’s a shark. Three new writers will be signing their contracts next week.” She toyed with her ring before adding, “I just saw that it was rainy as hell in Ramsford.”

“Yeah, the storm is pretty shitty, but I’m a good driver, Lexie. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at Ramsford tonight? It’s safer. Please?” she insisted.

“Yes, I’m sure. But please don’t worry, baby. I’ll be careful,” he answered, smiling. She worried too much about them.

Alexis knew better than to insist; Drake was even more stubborn than her. “Fine. Is our Peanut having fun? Did you take pictures?”

“Yes, lots of pictures. I’ll send them when we hang up. He’s napping now, but Max and Liam played with him all afternoon. I swear, I don’t know which of the three of them was having more fun.” Alexis giggled, making Drake terribly nostalgic. “I miss you so much, baby. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Alexis looked at the picture of them that she kept in her wallet. “Me too, Drake. And I’m glad that Tom is having so much fun. Tell him I love him with all my heart. I’m sorry he’s napping; I was hoping to talk to him.” She sighed, before adding, with a hint of worry in her voice, “Drake, please be careful. Don’t leave Ramsford if it’s raining too much.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you when we get there. I love you like crazy, Lexie.”  

“I love you like crazy too, Drake. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” Both of them hung up the phone smiling.

Drake looked out the window. The storm had calmed down, but it was still raining. He decided to leave anyway; he was a good driver, and the cabin wasn’t far from Ramsford.

He secured Tom in his car seat and left.

They had been on the road for half an hour when Drake took a sharp curve. It happened in a matter of seconds: The wet road caused the Jeep’s tires to slide; Drake reacted fast and was able to regain control of his car.

But the car behind Drake’s didn’t react so quickly. The gray sedan crashed into Drake’s Jeep on the right side ... where Tom was sleeping.

Alexis had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand. She woke up and checked the time: 11:30.

That was weird; Drake should have called her by now. Alexis called Drake, but it went straight to voicemail.

An uneasy feeling took over. She called Savannah, who told her that Drake had left Ramsford around 9:30. She suggested that maybe they had arrived at the cabin and fallen asleep. Alexis thanked her and hung up. She knew Drake by heart -- he would never go to sleep without calling her first. She opened a bottle of water trying to calm herself. She was surely overreacting.

Suddenly, her phone rang, startling her: an unknown number. Alexis took a sharp breath before answering the call that would change her life.

“Hello?”

“Good evening. Am I speaking with Alexis Walker?”

“Yes, this is she.” Ice settled in her stomach.

“Mrs. Walker, this is Lynn from Ramsford Hospital. Your husband and son were involved in a car accident tonight. Are you able to come right now?”

Alexis couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. “Hello?” She swallowed. “Yes. I’ll be there. Are -- are they safe?” “Your little boy is in surgery. Your husband is being checked by a doctor. We’ll have more information when you arrive, Mrs. Walker.”

“Th-thank you.”

But the woman had already hung up.

Charlie insisted that Alexis take her car and driver. Alexis accepted and left immediately.  The questions and uncertainty were killing her. During the torturous four-hour drive, she didn’t stop bargaining. If they’re okay, I will never complain again. I promise, God, I’ll never take them for granted. If you let them live, I’ll come to church every Sunday. Every day. I swear. Please, God, just let them be fine. Please, I beg you.

Alexis arrived at Ramsford Hospital around 4:00. She had practically jumped out of the car and run to the reception desk. She saw Maxwell and Liam sitting in the waiting room.

“Where are they? How are they?” Alexis realized how hysterical she sounded, but she didn’t care.

“Blossom! Thank God you’re here! Drake is fine; he suffered a small concussion and some bruises, but he’ll be fine.”

Alexis nodded, terrified of asking about Tom. Maxwell took a sharp breath before speaking. “Tom has been in surgery for a few hours ... the doctor will come out with an update soon.”

She nodded again, feeling a sudden need to see Drake. “Take me to Drake, Max. Please. I need to make sure he’s fine.”

Drake was sitting on a bed in the ER with Savannah. His eyes were red and puffy. He had scratches and bruises all over his face and arms, and a doctor had patched up his head with a bandage.

Alexis ran to him, intensely relieved to confirm that he was okay. Drake stood up and hugged her tightly, his eyes tearing up again. Alexis had never seen her usually-confident husband in such a state of desperation. It scared her to death.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. He has been in surgery for hours.” His voice broke. “They won’t tell me what’s going on!”

Drake wrapped his arms around her; she sobbed against his chest for a long time, waiting for the doctor to come. After a few more hours, the surgeon and a young nurse entered the ER. Drake was facing the door, so he saw them before her. His heart stopped.

The doctor’s expression told him everything he needed to know.

Drake held Alexis tighter, trying to shield her with his arms for a few more seconds from the pain they were about to experience.

The doctor cleared his throat. Alexis turned her head, trembling, unable to breathe. He took his cap off and held it in his hand.

“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could, but-”

Alexis shook her head. “No, no, no, no!” She didn’t realize she was screaming. “Don’t say it! No! It's a mistake.” She turned to Drake, crying hysterically. “Drake, please tell me that Tom is ok. Please, my love. I beg you.”

Drake held her, but he was shaking himself; he felt his heart actually breaking. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” he said, crying. He was trying to calm Alexis, but his words had the opposite effect. She bawled desperately. Her heart seemed to pound even faster, even harder. She tried taking a deep breath to calm herself, but her breaths were sharp and shallow. Her vision got darker and narrower.  She heard Drake’s panicked voice as if he was talking to her from a long distance. She barely felt a nurse injecting a sedative into her arm … and then everything went dark.

Alexis woke up, and for a few seconds she didn’t remember. But when she opened her eyes, the sight of the fluorescent light in the ceiling brought everything back. Her heart broke all over again as it would break so many times in the future. Drake was sitting on a chair next to her. He hadn’t slept all night as his eyes stared at his phone, looking at Tom’s last pictures. He heard Alexis moving on the bed, so he went to sit next to her and took her in his arms. She hid in his chest and cried again while he soothed her, rubbing her face with his fingers. Alexis couldn’t believe that she would never see her little boy again. It simply couldn’t be true.

“I want to see him.” Her voice was trembling.

“They were waiting for you before … before taking him. Let’s go.” He helped her out of bed and called a nurse who took them to see Tom one last time.  

Those last moments with their son were the saddest moments of Alexis’ and Drake’s lives. Alexis refused to let go of him until a nurse gave her another sedative.

Alexis spent the first four weeks after Tom’s death sedated. She went to his funeral, but she wasn’t really present. Drake took care of everything with Savannah's and Liam’s help. After the ceremony, she went back to bed and lay there for hours staring at the ceiling. The pills had the side effect of making her feel empty and numb, but at least the pain in her heart was silent. Drake fed her and took care of her during that time.

After Tom’s death, nothing seemed to matter anymore. Drake’s emotions were a mix of sorrow, emptiness and desperation. The “what if”s were going to make him crazy with guilt. He tried to use alcohol to drown his shame and grief, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked.

Five weeks after Tom’s death, Alexis heard a noise in the middle of the night. She got out of bed and found Drake crying in Tom’s room. Her heart tugged seeing him so broken. She sat on the floor next to him and hugged him. They held each other for hours, crying for their son.

From that day on, Alexis started to get out of bed. She stopped taking the sedatives and promised herself that she would try to fight for herself and Drake. It worked for a couple of days, but soon the mere effort of waking up in the morning was exhausting. Everything was exhausting. Alexis did it anyway. She’d wake up, take a shower and go to Tom’s room. She only meant to spend a couple of hours there, but once she went inside, she wasn’t able to leave. And more often than not, the whole day passed with her crying there, incapable of doing anything else.

Drake was destroyed too. Tom had been the light of his life. Sometimes he felt like a sunken ship.  

During the second month after his death, they shared some afternoons where they’d cuddled against each other in front of the fire without speaking, just trying to cope with the deep pain. Those few stolen moments were Drake’s and Alexis’ solace. But they were unable to really communicate, to speak of the bubbling feelings beneath the surface.

Without the pills, Alexis’ mind wasn’t foggy anymore. She felt a deep, breaking pain in her heart and a colossal rage circulating through her veins. At first, her bitterness was directed at God, at life, at fate. But soon, Alexis started to be angry at Drake, too. She tried with all her heart to stop those feelings, but she couldn’t. Drake had chosen to drive in the middle of the storm, after she had asked him to stay in Ramsford. And that had cost her son his life.

Alexis didn’t want to hurt him or to add to his guilt, so she started to avoid him as much as possible. It didn’t work. Drake’s way to cope with his own grief was to take care of her. He truly believed that their love would be enough to keep them together, and for a fleeting moment, Alexis had believed it too.

The rage that Alexis felt for him began as a small spark, but it had soon turned into a burning fire that scared her. She was distant and cold and did everything she could to drive him away.

Drake tried his best to make her feel better. He had even suggested visiting a counselor or joining a grief group. The same Drake Walker who hated to share or talk about his feelings was willing to do it for her. They went once, and it was a disaster. Drake had tried to share a memory of Tom, but the words simply didn’t come out. Alexis had brooded and scowled the whole time.

Alexis felt like she was going to explode with all the emotions she was feeling. She became rude, evasive. She ended up moving into the guest room. Drake was desperate; he tried to make her understand that he loved her, that he needed her.

It was the three-month anniversary of Tom’s death. After yet another sleepless night, she went to Tom’s room. She lay in his tiny bed and cried all day. Drake tried to comfort her, to hold her. But she had chased him away, more haunted than ever by his brown eyes. That night, she had come down to the living room and saw Drake drinking. Alexis sat next to him and poured herself a big glass of whiskey. She gulped it, poured herself another one and gulped it, too.

“I can’t do this anymore, Drake.” Alexis was crying wholeheartedly.

Drake sighed as he looked at her. She had lost 10 pounds and looked tired, pale, extremely depressed. It was the first time since they had met that he didn’t dare take her into his arms. “We need to get help, Lexie.”

Alexis scoffed, “Do you mean like that amazing support group you signed us for?”

For three months, Drake had tried to be supportive and patient. But he felt lost and tired;he didn’t know what to do anymore.

He gulped his tumbler of whiskey before he answered, “I’m doing what I can to help you, Lexie. But you won’t let me. I want us to fight this together.”

Alexis balled her fists. All the feelings that had been accumulating for the last months were threatening to explode.

“I don’t need anyone’s help.” She felt like burning inside. “Especially not yours.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Alexis?” Drake stood up next to her.  

When she finally answered, her voice was trembling with fury. “Why?”

“What do you mean?” Drake asked, puzzled.

Alexis’s eyes filled with tears. “Why did you have to come back that night? Why couldn’t you listen to me? I told you it was raining, I told you it wasn’t safe.” Something dark and dangerous had taken over her, and she couldn’t stop. “But no. You always have to be right, so you couldn’t do what I asked. And now he’s dead. MY SON IS DEAD because you’re too fucking stubborn.”

Drake raised his voice, too. “OUR son, Alexis. TOM was OUR son. I miss him just as much as you do. Stop acting like you’re the only one who lost him.” He sighed to calm himself. He raised a hand to touch Alexis’ face, but she dodged it. “You have no fucking idea how it feels when I try to get close to you and you reject me every goddamn time.”

Alexis tried to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. She answered, furious, “Can’t you understand that looking at you fucking hurts? Every time I see your eyes, I see him. And it’s driving me crazy. It breaks my heart every single time.” She took a swig of whiskey to calm herself, but it didn’t help. “You can’t help me; you’re actually hurting me.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re drunk,” Drake stated, pointing at her glass.

“Yes, I am drunk. But that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts so fucking badly, Drake. Why? Why did you do it?” She shoved him.

“Stop!” He grabbed her wrists. He couldn’t believe what she was implying. “Stop it, Alexis!”

She was bawling, agitated. She wanted to take the weight of her emotions off her chest, so she yelled at him without thinking. “You killed him! You killed our son, and I will never be able to forget that.” As soon as she said it, she regretted it. But it was too late.

Everything went silent for a few seconds. Drake’s mouth went dry. His heart stopped. Every time her eyes darted when she looked at him, or every time she flinched when he touched her, he wondered if she blamed him for the accident. But until that moment, he had refused to actually believe it.

Letting go of her wrists, he grabbed the bottle of whiskey and his glass. He spoke with a gravelly voice. “You’re drunk, I’m drunk. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Alexis swallowed her tears so she could talk. “No, Drake. I’m very sorry for what I just said. You have no idea how much, but I can’t do this anymore. I’ll be gone in the morning.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Drake went up the stairs. The weight of her words oppressed him. He lay down on the bed and tried to drink his pain away.

Alexis stood in the middle of the living room hating herself for hurting him. She didn’t want to feel so angry at him, but the rage was stronger than her. She curled up on the couch and cried for a long time -- for her son, for the horrible pain of missing him so much. And for Drake, for the man she loved so desperately but was unable to forgive. Alexis needed to leave, to flee from their house, from the grief. She prepared a small bag with some clothes she had in the guest room. Before leaving, she went to their room where Drake was sleeping heavily after finishing the bottle of whiskey. Crying again, her heart broken, she kissed his forehead and muttered a sad good-bye. She took off her wedding rings and set them on the nightstand. Drake needed to understand that she wasn’t going to come back for a while.

When she arrived at Maxwell’s loft, she took her old sedatives from her bag. Now that Alexis was away from Drake, she didn’t need to fight anymore. She was exhausted from pretending that she wanted to be alive. So she took two pills with a glass of water and finally fell asleep.

For almost two days, thanks to the sedatives, Alexis didn’t do much besides sleeping and waking in a fog to drink a bit of water. She was exhausted after all the sleepless nights she had had since her son had died. Maxwell checked up on her regularly, but he let her rest. On the third day, he entered her room with a steaming cup of coffee.

“Here, Blossom.”

Alexis grabbed the cup and took a sip. “Thank you, Max.” Her eyes teared up.

Maxwell sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. “What happened with Drake, Blossom?” he asked, concerned.

“It was my fault. I’m so angry all the time, Max.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I tried not to be -- I really did -- but that night, something snapped. I said horrible things to him. And the worst part is that I love him so much, but I can’t stop feeling like that.” Her lip quivered. “I didn’t want to hurt him like I did. I swear, Max. He looked so broken.” The memory made her cry again.

“Calm down, Blossom. You need to talk to him. Even if it’s a painful conversation, you need to talk. Drake has called several times since yesterday; he’s worried about you. I’ll take you back to the cabin.”

Alexis was utterly confused. She didn’t know if their relationship could be saved. She didn’t know if she would be able to overcome her bitterness. But she still loved him with everything in her, and she owed it to Drake and herself to at least try.

“Thanks, Max. I’ll take a shower and then we can leave.”

When Alexis arrived at their cabin, everything was silent. With a huge lump in her throat, she went upstairs. Drake was gone. He had taken some clothes, photos, and her wedding rings. Alexis sat in their bed and cried for everything she had lost. The next day, she left the cabin and rented a small studio with her savings. After that day, her grief became more and more difficult to bear.

Drake woke up the morning after the fight feeling dead inside. His desperation only got deeper when he discovered that Alexis had disappeared, leaving her wedding rings on the nightstand. Drake spent all morning trying desperately to find her, until Maxwell finally answered his phone and told him that Alexis was at his house, that she needed time.

During those two days, Drake called Alexis several times, but every time, Maxwell told him that she was sleeping. Drake knew that it was a lie; Alexis barely slept more than a few hours a night. He thought about going to Max’s loft but dismissed the idea. It was pointless to force her.

Her words replayed in his head over and over again. Looking at you fucking hurts. It breaks my heart every single time. You’re actually hurting me. You killed my son. Drake felt the weight of his guilt crushing him

Forty-eight hours later, Alexis hadn’t contacted him or answered his calls. With her wedding rings wrapped in his hand, Drake realized that it was time to accept that she had really left him. He couldn’t stay there. He was going to die if he had to keep living alone in the cabin where they had been so fucking happy. Alexis was everywhere. Tom was everywhere. The next day, he tried to call her one last time, but she didn’t answer. Drake didn’t insist anymore. He left for Spain, destroyed. Before getting on the plane, he called Liam to ask him to take care of Alexis; Drake knew his best friend wouldn’t fail him.

After three hellish months in Andalucía, Olivia had called him to tell him how desperately depressed Alexis was. Drake immediately tried to fly back to Cordonia to be with her, but he had only found tickets for the next morning. That single night changed everything. Drake had been arrested and sent to prison. He asked Bastien and Savannah to keep his secret because he didn’t want to worry Alexis or distract Liam from helping her.

Drake felt desperate knowing that he couldn’t help her himself. Savannah and Bastien visited him often, but no matter how much he insisted, they never talked about Alexis. Drake sensed that they were hiding something, but it wasn’t until his release that his sister had told him the truth: Alexis had been committed to a clinic after she had tried to kill herself.

Drake didn’t lose any time and jumped on the first plane back to Cordonia to be with her. Sick with worry, Drake didn’t even go to his house to leave his bag; he had gone from the airport directly to the clinic.

When Drake had seen Liam at the hospital, he was relieved to confirm that his best friend had kept his promise; Alexis hadn’t been alone. Liam had known nothing about his stay in prison, so Drake wasn’t surprised at his best friend’s cold reception. The only thing that mattered to Drake at that moment was Alexis. Seeing her again had been the only thing that had kept him alive.

Drake would never forgive himself for all those months that Alexis had been forced to fight her depression alone, without him there to help her. If she gave him another chance, Drake would spend the rest of his life showing her how much he regretted it, how much he loved her.

Liam had asked him to come back the next day. Apparently, Alexis needed time to get used to the idea of seeing him again. Drake accepted willingly. He was desperate to see Alexis, but her recovery was the absolute priority.

But the next day, things didn’t go as he had hoped.

“You left a broken woman, Drake. She has been in hell, depressed and missing you for months. You have no right to come back and burst into her life, now that she’s finally doing better.” Liam cleared his throat. “She told me she doesn’t want to see you anymore. I’d say I’m sorry, but frankly, I agree with her decision,” Liam said, taking an envelope from his jacket and giving it to him. “This is the letter she wrote to you before she tried to kill herself. I didn’t read it, but I know she was desperate. Seeing you again will trigger her and probably set her recovery back months.  If you still want to see her after you read this, call me, and I’ll talk to her. But for Alexis’ sake, I really hope you won’t insist anymore.”

Drake sat on a bench and opened the letter.

Drake, my love,

Before anything else, I beg you to forgive me. For all of it: blaming you. The words I said. This.

I blamed you for the accident and I drove you away.

It was never your fault. I knew that all along.

And now? I have nothing. There is nothing without him. I have walked through the last seven months in a fog of desperation, and I can’t do it anymore.  

I don't even want to try.

Please move on. Live your life. Be strong the way I cannot be.

It is what he would have wanted.

I have always loved you, with everything in me.

Your Lexie

Drake sat on the park bench and read her letter several times. It was devastating. Picturing her grief, her pain, in his mind was hard enough. But having to face it, having to read firsthand how broken the love of his life had been, was more than Drake could handle.

In spite of what Alexis said in her letter, Drake knew that Tom’s death was his fault. He was also aware that Liam was lying. Drake was sure that Alexis didn’t know that he was looking for her. But Liam was right; after all she had suffered, nothing was worth jeopardizing her recovery for -- least of all him. Drake hadn’t even gone back to his cabin that night. He went to the cemetery first to visit his son’s grave. Then he left directly for the airport, headed back to Spain.

His first year back in Andalucía had been a nightmare. Until then, Drake had stupidly clung to the idea of seeing Alexis again. She had been his motivation to stop drinking, to get help from the prison counselor. Her face was the last thing he saw before falling asleep every night. After all that hope, Drake had a rough time accepting that he had lost her forever.

For a few months, Drake went back to his old bad behaviors and heavy drinking. But one night, reading her letter for the hundredth time, he realized that Alexis was right. Tom would have wanted him to move on. Drake couldn’t continue to hide behind his grief anymore. He suddenly felt the urge to fight for himself. Little by little, he tried to get better. He couldn’t practice as a veterinarian in Spain, so he took a job in a stable training horses and moved out of Bastien’s house into his own apartment. And most importantly, he stopped day drinking.

Drake knew himself; he was never going to love another woman as he loved Alexis. Some nights, he’d go out, meet a beautiful woman, and they’d have fun together, but it never went further than a good night and breakfast.

One afternoon, he met Yolanda at the stables; she was a veterinarian too. Yola, as her friends called her, was a short brunette with pretty green eyes and a wide smile.

Something about her made him think of Alexis. Yolanda wasn’t as sunny as his Lexie, but she was beautiful, funny and smart. Like Alexis, she seemed to love life, and that was contagious. They dated for a few months, but Drake soon realized that he was only trying to replace Alexis with Yolanda, and that wasn’t fair to her. He ended the relationship before her feelings became too strong and resumed his life of endless one-night stands.

Drake’s life was finally back on track when he had received the news of Alexis and Liam’s engagement. It had been a complete shock. In the past, Drake had suspected that Liam was in love with his wife, but he would never have imagined that Liam’s feelings were reciprocated. Drake was well aware that Alexis had every right to rebuild her life, to fall in love. He knew that it was his own fault that Alexis hadn’t even tried to call him and give him the news herself, but the rage was still there. During the weeks that followed, Drake couldn’t avoid the horrible jealousy that was threatening to eat him up. He kept picturing them together and it drove him mad. Until one day, talking to Savannah, he realized that it was time to let Alexis go.

For three years he had lived as an exile in Andalucía so Alexis wouldn’t have to see him again. But she was clearly over him now. Maybe it was time to come back. Drake missed Savannah and Bartie, his country and his veterinary career. So he decided to stop fleeing. He wanted to see Alexis again and make sure she was all right. After that, they’d sign the divorce papers, and he would finally be able to move on with his life.

However, when he saw Alexis again, all of his good resolutions went out the window. Drake had felt angry and jealous seeing Liam’s diamond ring on her finger. In the weeks that followed that encounter, Drake had felt unstable and confused … until the last day at the coffeehouse.

April 2019

Alexis left the coffeehouse frustrated and angry at herself. She couldn’t believe that Drake’s touch was still capable of making her feel that nervous. She got in her car and started the engine. After all that time and the tears that she had shed trying to forget about him, she had finally done it. And she was not going to go down that path, not ever again. To love someone as passionately and as intensely as she had loved Drake wasn’t right or healthy. It was painful and heartbreaking. His departure had nearly killed her. Alexis was aware that Drake had left because of the hideous things she had told him, but she still had waited for him for years, convinced that their love for each other would make him come back. But it didn’t. And now, she was happy again. Liam made her happy. He was sweet, kind and smart. A great lover. He accepted her shortcomings, her traumas. Alexis couldn’t ask for more. She refused to let Drake disturb her life. Whatever feelings she was having for him again, was surely due to their lack of closure. The only thing that should matter to her now was her engagement to Liam. They were going to get married in a month. Liam deserved nothing less than her fidelity and devotion.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drake was shaken after his encounter with Alexis at the coffeehouse. Even hours later, he could still feel her skin on the tip of his fingers. He sat with a whiskey in his hand, thinking about her reaction. As stupid as it seemed, he was sure that Alexis had felt the same powerful electricity that he did. They still shared their old chemistry, even when they had fought at Savannah’s party; it had been heated, passionate. He savored the malty liquid burning his throat as he thought about how gorgeous she was. For the first time since he had seen her again, Drake allowed himself to freely think about her -- her beautiful dark eyes, her soft features, the way she flicked her hair. The old sparkle of her eyes was still there; it was hidden behind a shadow of sadness, but it was still there. That afternoon, Drake had had to actively stop himself from kissing her.

There was no point in lying to himself any longer; he was still desperately in love with Alexis, even more than before. Drake admired her new strength, her determination to fight in spite of the pain. He missed her sarcasm, her sense of humor, the way she always put him in his place. He was as captivated by her mix of sweet vulnerability and intense fire as he had been 10 years before. God he had missed her so fucking much all those years. Drake was destined to love Alexis for the rest of his life.

However, the last thing he wanted to do was to disturb her life. So Drake made a decision. If Alexis was truly happy with Liam and her new life, as much as it killed him, he would sign the divorce papers and leave her alone. Even if that meant that he’d have to spend his life loving her from a distance. But if he discovered that she still loved him too but was too scared to admit it -- if there was a chance that he could still save his marriage -- Drake wasn’t going to leave without fighting for her.

PERMATAG:  @ac27dj @twinkle-320​ @kimmiedoo5​ @marshmallowsandfire​ @loveellamae​ @burnsoslow​ @mskaneko​ @pedudley​ @lauzales​ @pug-bitch​

TEARS N HEAVEN: @ao719​ @yukinagato2012​ @kingliam2019​ @forthebrokenheartedthings​ @texaskitten30​ @cordonia-gothqueen​ @bebepac​ @nomadics-stuff​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @cordonianroyalty​ @msjr0119​

[deithe]

im too lazy to find that ask but do you have any books that you really like? let's say... 6 books 🤔 and why you like them (could be simple answers too!!!)

1. okay. it will always be my number one despite how much i fucking hate riordan. the lost hero is...????. i first read it at a really weird point in my life and i found a lot of friends through it (hi caitlyn <3). the writing leaves much to be desired and i cant ever look at it without riordans shit writing sullying it, but its more the metaphorical image of the lost hero that i love so much. 

2. the goldfinch. uhhhgfjg i love donna tarts writing and my favourite part will always be when theo and boris are kids in nevada. the writing and emotions and ahhhhh. love it. i love tart’s prose and just the way she writes boris and theo’s relationship

3. kate tempest’ book let them eat chaos is...*mwuah*. i love tempest’ poetry and her book is the exact same. it talks about alienation and society with working class people and uhhfjg i could rant about her all day. 

4. call down the hawk by maggie stievfater. i love ronan lynch as i too am a bald gay catholic irish person. but ughhfg i love stievfater’s prose and metapors and ughghh i love the idea of ronan’s powers being explored. i got it the day it came out on google books i was that desperate. 

5.  the gospel according to blindboy is a series of short stories by blindboy boatclub, an Irish comedian. he's so fucking funny, but really down to earth and i adore his stories. he also once stole my phone at his concert while i was taking a photo of him so that's my claim to fame. 

6. under the hawthorn tree. its an Irish book i read in 5th class (so 5th grade) about some kids trying to survive in famine Ireland. its so fucked up and it still sticks with me till this day

adhjgfgh thank you for the ask. ily <3. 

[reyesstrand]

Tag Game!!

@ao3theskyisblue thank you for the tag, this gave me a much-needed break from online schoolwork!! 💗

1. What was the last movie you watched in theatres? Birds of Prey!! Before that I caught Parasite when it was re-released in theatres before the Oscars! 

2. What’s your favourite game to play? I’m very boring and don’t play much besides classic board games, so I have to say Scrabble aksjdsdfks

3. Chocolate or vanilla? Oooh tough one, but probably chocolate. 

4. What’s the last show you binge-watched? I feel like I’ve always got a show on the go, but the last one I fully binged was Tiger King with my family, and The Other Two right before that. 

5. Do you have any pets? I do! A gentle giant, three-year-old rescue dog! She’s a Great-Pyrenees/Retriever mix, and is appropriately named Elsa. 

6. What’s your favourite fairy tale? Hmmm, I remember reading The Little Red Riding Hood a lot as a kid, so let’s go with that! 

7. Who’s your favourite superhero? This is a difficult one, but I’d probably have to say Thor, honourable mentions to She-Hulk, Falcon and the whole Young Avengers team from my teenage comic-reading phase. 

8. Who’s your favourite Disney princess? I adored Jasmine as a kid, so either her, Mulan or maybe Rapunzel. 

9. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after the social distancing is over? Hopefully to see a movie (whenever most of them are re-scheduled to be released lol) or back to my job when they re-open.

10. Cookies or cake? Ooh, I’ve gotta go with cake, I think. Especially on special occasions. 

+10 questions 

1. Which show could you watch over and over? Let’s see...definitely Schitt’s Creek, especially when it ends in a couple weeks (cut to me crying) and I can re-watch the whole series; 9-1-1 Lone Star (because of course), The Get Down, Fleabag, Veep, Black Sails, and Bob’s Burgers. 

2. Favourite song lyric? It’s impossible for me to just pick one, so here’s some favourites from a few songs: 

“I buried a hatchet, it’s coming up lavender, / The future’s unwritten, the past is a corridor, / I’m at the exit, looking back through the hall, / You are anonymous, I am a concrete wall” — Phoebe Bridgers, “Smoke Signals” 

“Hold my hand and float back to the summer time, / Tangled in the willows, now our tongues are tied, / How can I believe you, how can I be nice? Tripping round tree stumps in your summer smile” — Glass Animals, “Gooey”

“So if I feel real good tonight, / I'm gonna put it high on the loudspeaker, / If I feel like crying, I won't hide it / I am a loudspeaker” — MUNA, “Loudspeaker” 

“Be as you've always been (Lover, be good to me), / Be like the love that discovered the sin (Lover, be good to me), / That freed the first man and will do so again, / And, lover, be good to me (Lover, be good to me), / Be that hopeful feeling when Eden was lost (Lover, be good to me)” — Hozier, “Be”

3. Favourite season of your favourite TV show? This one’s difficult too! Ah! I really love seasons 3 and 4 of Schitt’s Creek, and I of course love the only (for now) season of Lone Star, so I’ll go with those choices as I can’t think of anything else right now!! 

4. What never fails to make you smile/happy? Watching the sunset while reading a good book. My dog. Cooking. And I have to agree with @ao3theskyisblue — getting any AO3 notification makes my day brighter every time, without fail, and I want to thank anyone who’s ever even interacted with my fics because it brings me so much joy!! 

5. How are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (virus, having to do social distancing, etc)? I’m very much so introverted, so staying in is something that I normally find myself doing. I feel very grateful of my privilege in being able to stay home with my family and knowing everyone in my personal circle is healthy, though I do feel spikes in my anxiety whenever more news comes out. I’m stressed right now with how many school assignments I have, on top of participating in online lectures/seminars, but there’s only a couple weeks left of that so I’m pushing through!!

6. We all love new music to listen to, name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out? boygenius!! FKA twigs!!! Christine and the Queens!! Perfume Genius!!

7. TV show or movie? Yet another tough one!! I have to say both, here, I love them for different reasons! 

8. Favourite holiday? I generally enjoy Halloween for the movies and weather, and I’d have to also say Christmas even though I’m not religious, I just love getting to have time to see my whole family and relax from school! 

9. A song that describes you? This is very difficult and something I haven’t thought of before...going through my music library now, though, I’ve always felt a pull toward Landslide by Fleetwood Mac for the sentimental value since I was younger so I suppose I’d go with that. But I’m definitely going to keep thinking of another answer!! 

10. Describe your tumblr in three words? Side-blog, writing, and (hopefully) welcoming! 

+5 questions

1. What is your favourite hobby? Writing, reading, cooking, discovering new movies/tv shows. 

2. What is your favourite book? Or/and a really good book you’ve read recently? Okay, so, I’m an English major and read lots of old books for my classes and I recently haven’t had much time for reading for pleasure (sadly), but I’d recommend The Goldfinch by Donna Tart, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong, and The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller! 

3. What is your favourite ship that will never happen (or hasn’t happened yet)? Oh boy, I guess FinnPoe from the recent Star Wars movies? 

4. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be? I feel like I have so many possible answers! Dan Levy would be amazing, so would Natacha Karam, Florence Pugh, Taika Waititi, Tessa Thompson, Janelle Monae...I could go on lol!! 

5. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen. A movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it. The first thing I thought of were the live-action Scooby Doo movies from the early-2000s that my sister and I recently re-watched on a whim and I think that has to be my answer askjsdfks

Questions by @ao3theskyisblue

1. What is one thing you’ve recently watched/read that left you absolutely heartbroken? Oh, definitely the documentary I watched on migrant workers in Canada for a class the other day.

2. An activity (e.g., hobby, sport...etc) you wish you were better at? I would love to be able to draw/paint better!!

3. If you could stop time for 24 hours, what would you do? It’s very boring to say, but catch up on sleep!!

Questions by @reyesstrand

1. What is your all-time favourite movie?

2. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

3. If you could alter any questionable plot point from a tv show or movie, what would it be?

Feel free to try this out, if you’d like, or haven’t already! @tkstreyes @cateyesinlove @summerfiing @tylerkennedysstrand @aziraphalescrowley @hcnkycat @anadearmsa @lonestarbabe @evaneddie @hawkeeyes @oscarissaac @brillliantbanshee @derek-shepherds & anyone else who wants to!

[xayhra]

Getting to know you

Tagged by @dangerously-human, thanks!

Name: Julie

Nicknames: My mom sometimes calls me Jules, my cousin and aunt call me Mulie (bc I couldn’t pronounce the letter ‘n’ when I was a little kid and thus called my cousin “Miki” instead of “Niki”), my former pastor calls me J-Kuj, and I think that’s it? No one regularly calls me by a nickname.

Zodiac: Leo, but I couldn’t care less about the Zodiac

Height: 5′1″ I like being my height, but I’m also jealous of the tall people. They get reach things on shelves!!!!

Languages: English and German (B2.2 at the moment). Hopefully more one day! I’m starting an Intro to Sumerian class on Monday.

Nationality: American

Favorite season: Autumn, although I’m currently missing freezing cold winter with a foot of snow.

Favorite flower: Hmmm, I love carnations, dahlias, hydrangeas, rhododendrons, night sky petunias, and basically any blue flower.

Favorite scent: Gosh, idk, I love the scent of baked goods, vanilla, almonds, lemon, mint, cinnamon,....

Favorite fictional character: How...how am I supposed to choose? Uhh, Data from st:tng, Douglas and Carolyn from Cabin Pressure, the 10th Doctor and Donna from Doctor Who, Henry Tilney from Northanger Abbey, Jeeves from Jeeves and Wooster, Death from Terry Pratchett’s books, Halt from Ranger’s Apprentice, and there are many, many more.

Coffee, hot tea, or hot chocolate?: Yes.

Average sleep: Depends when I have to get up, but I try to get around 9 hours so I’m at a functional level of tired.

Dogs or cats?: I love them both, but I grew up with dogs so I love them a little more. I do intend to own both at some point, however.

Number of blankets: So many. I usually have about 3 or 4 on my bed in the winter? But I own approx 25.

Dream trip: Israel or Ireland, I think.

Blog established: 2014, but I only started to use it in late 2018.

Random fact: I hope to one day adopt two cats and name one Jeeves and the other Bertram (from Jeeves and Wooster).

Gender: Female

Current time: 00:18

Favorite artists: Music artists? Currently, Bach, Eric Whitacre, The National, Voces8, Hurts, Nat King Cole, Ofra Haza, Dear Cloud, and Relient K

Stuck in my head:  Nothing at the moment

Last movie I saw: Currently in the middle of 84 Charing Cross Road, but the last movie I finished was Saphirblau

Last thing I Googled: Henry Tilney (I live in doubt that I’ve remembered anything correctly)

Other blogs: Don’t have another

Do I get asks?: Not really

Reason for URL: I have a book idea that I’ve been nursing for as long as I can remember, and when I attempted to begin writing it down (when I was 10 or so), I realized that I should maybe come up with a name for my main character, hence the creation of Xayhra. And I’ve just kind of used it for everything because it’s short and I never have to worry about my username being taken already.

Followers/following: 9/93

Lucky number: Not lucky, but I find 8, 9, and 87 aesthetically pleasing

Currently wearing: Grey college tshirt and Ravenclaw PJ bottoms

Dream job: I would like to sit in libraries and read things and maybe write the occasional book or essay. However, as that is rather impractical in a capitalist society, I’m going to be an accountant.

Favorite foods: Sushi, Korean fried chicken, bulgogi, rice, bread, chocolate, marzipan, bakewell tart muffins, anything chocolate mint, apples, berries, and on and on. I love good food; it’s one of the very few true joys in life.

Instruments: I played the piano for a few years, but I don’t think I can play anything anymore.

Favorite song: Currently, several different songs by the National: Sorrow, Think You Can Wait, Graceless, and Little Faith. Curl Up and Die by Relient K is a Mood, and Sleep by Eric Whitacre will always be a favorite.

I don’t really know anyone on here, so I won’t tag anyone, unless @iamtheonethinginlifeicancontrol is interested  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[immortalcockroach]

21 + 15 + 8!

asdfghjkl rose thank you for asking ♥️ this ended up coming out incredibly long, so i apologize in advance!

8) where do you take your inspiration from?

surprising! mostly from visual media, actually. graphics, art, moodboards, films, tv series, that kind of stuff. occasionally, music, and even more rarely, written media (fics, books, poems, similar). that’s for when i’m starting to get ideas. when i already have something written or ideas developed a bit more, then i have a moodboard on pinterest and a playlist on spotify, or i watch something that has the same mood/theme as the thing i’m writing.

15) if you write oc’s, how do you decide on their names?

i don’t usually write oc’s for fics, but i do them for my original stuff. the names depend on the characters’ background and location, but they all have a name that either sounds specific to their character or who they’re supposed to be, or the meaning is very connected. 

in other cases, most of the time, i just go ‘woah this sounds cool’ or sometimes i build a whole character because of their name and subsequently the whole story.

21  tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? what is it about them that you admire?

i love this question!! let me give my favourite fic writers a shoutout, even though i’m probably missing some too!! it’s really long but honestly these people worked hard and they really deserve it

@grumpybell‘s ideas are absolutely brilliant. i’m a huge fan. the stories themselves, the plots would be enough for me to have a whole paragraph about, but for me, the characters are where it’s at. well-developed, very true to the canon but also to the universe the fic is set in, but also very well-rounded and overall realistic. the fics just flow really nice, honestly, and i could read them for eternity. 

fic shoutout: oh darling, here’s hoping god i remember reading this red riding hood au and just... falling in love. i did. i fell in love with bellamy as the wolf and clarke’s desperation to save him, and the new take on the fairy tale, it was just absolute perfection. i keep coming to it every once in a while, honestly. it’s just magic.

@asroarke is one of those people who are just integrated into a fandom’s fanfiction. imagining t100 fanfiction with asroarke is like... imagining the sky without the stars. i think those fics were the first ones i read when i joined the fandom, and i remember one of the things i thought was how easy it was to read. everything flowed as if there was no effort needed, as if the words have always been there, just plucked and placed on a blank document. and the consistency, honestly, damn. these fics are better than probably more than half of published stuff i’ve read. 

fic shoutout: drag me down. look there’s a pattern here and it’s the mythical/legends/fairy tale aus. i present you with a retelling of little mermaid in the most beautiful, soul-wrenching way. i waited every single chapter for when i came out. i read it as soon as i saw it came out, even if i was in the middle of grabbing coffee with a friend. honestly everything by asroarke is absolutely fantastic. 

@blvke-bellamy okay look. when i saw may is just 15 i nearly fell off my chair. i’d kill to have that talent at 15. i would. look, i keep saying look, because i’m shook. but honestly, may’s characterization is brilliant. she took my faves from the 100 and managed to insert them into a different universe, and they feel so much like the original characters and not at all. the dynamics between them are so raw and so pure and so believable i cried at one particular scene in her fic. or it might be two scenes. and look, this is impressive on its own, and then knowing she’s just 15...god.

fic shoutout: step into the sun is a bellarke tangled au and honestly. i’m a slut for tangled. it’s so damn good. and this fic?? inspired by tangled?? absolutely brilliant. marvelous. 11/10. brought my fish to life. and honestly murphy is my favourite in the fic, literally one of my favourite portrayals of him in every fic i’ve ever read. i binged this. i lost sleep over this. no ragrets.

@pawprinterfanfic (i’m biased but. in top 3 fic writers ever. and i’ve been in a lot of popular fandoms.) paw manages to take a universe and make it hers. paw manages to create a universe out of nothing and make it feel more realistic than my own life. and honestly, i am reading her hunger games au right now and it’s amazing, but the best part is that i’m also reading the harry potter au which is even better and although both are masterpieces, i can see the improvement. the development of the characters, the amount of effort in planning and mapping things out, it’s marvellous. her fics just speak to me on a different level, it feels as if i’m experiencing them myself rather than reading them, and what i’m mostly in awe of is how immersed i am in those fics, especially the newer ones. i feel like it’s a rare skill to have.

fic shoutout: starry eyes and galaxy minds (we’ll be dancing on the clouds at night) which is a spider-man au, and honestly, i cried. it’s beautiful. it’s a masterpiece. but so is literally every single one of paw’s stories, so it was a really difficult choice. the harry potter one? j k rowling wishes she wrote it.

skai_heda (i don’t know their tumblr please someone help me find it). where do i begin. honestly. when i started reading the fic i put below, i was mesmerised by the writing style. it was partly in second pov which i’d usually refuse to read, but this writing style is something that belongs to gods. the characterization is amazing, it manages to fix some of the stuff in canon without actually changing it. everything just comes together naturally, and i always feel so satisfied when reading their fics. plus, the writing style again, especially in the fic below, is flawless. some people can create magic with their words, and i’m convinced i’ve just found one.

fic shoutout: everything that comes after deserves so much!! more!! attention!!! i remember reading the first two chapters and just being like...wooow. i was starstruck. i left a long ass comment. it’s so unique and so beautiful. it’s the only fic on this list written in the canon universe, and it’s one of my favourites i’ve ever read about the canon universe. it hurts. it makes you cry, and ache, and understand, and smack your head because you just want people to be happy. if i could pocket the way this fic made me feel, i would always keep it with me. (a little frustration, but a whole lotta love.)

give me a number and i’ll answer questions about writing fanfiction

just in case you’d like to see the same questions answered for non-fanfiction/non-fanfiction influence, see below!

15) if you write oc’s, how do you decide on their names?

specific example of mentioned above - a wip about teenagers who come from a rich side of town and a poor side. there’s posh names, like cedric, declan, byron and gregory, for people who are supposed to represent the posh, stuck-up class; hadley, tessa, abigail, kate for privileged people who are the ‘good guys’; and luca, oliver, han, freddie, who are from the poor side. it’s very classist so it was very important that the names represent the characters. usually, i go for the “vibe” of the name over the meaning, to be honest. 

21  tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? what is it about them that you admire?

i love this question!!

fiction: maggie stiefvater, because her raven cycle series genuinely feels like magic when i read it. the characters are brilliant. erin morgenstern, who wrote the night circus, because that novel also feels like magic. donna tart’s the secret history feels as if you’re reading a secret and the storytelling sort of reminds me of f. scott fitzgerald’s the great gatsby in a way i can’t really describe. she creates a beautiful, magnificent atmosphere and you know what the characters are doing is wrong, but you completely understand them and it makes me, as a reader, question my own moral standards. madeline miller’s the song of achilles is a beautifully written masterpiece that made me fall in love with mythology, legends and history all over again. the way she develops the characters and retells the story i’ve heard a million times is so poetic and beautiful it just resonates with me on a different level. and finally, leigh bardugo with her six of crows series that again, makes me question my morals, but shows the friendship and loyalty between people in a beautiful way. it also shows a romance that i think is one of best written i’ve read, up there for me romances from the novels/series i’ve already mentioned.

there’s a pattern - storytelling and character-building that feels almost otherworldly, very focused on emotions and character development. basically, stories that you feel like as if they were made into films without proper, detailed development, wouldn’t translate well enough to bring the world to the screen. and romances incredibly well-developed over time, that go beyond just being romances and actually show a beautiful connection.

special mention of these directors, as they have a huge influence on my writing: christopher nolan, john krasinski, quentin tarantino, m night shyamalan, steven knight, guillermo del toro, alfred hitchcock, for their storytelling and character building. also, some of these are for the suspense that seems to come naturally. i know most of these are very popular directors, but they’re popular for a reason. i could literally write an essay on each of these people, honestly. my writing is very inspired by motion pictures, i most often look up to how these directors approached some things that i have in my writing, especially themes. (this could literally be a whole essay on its own)

[magickastiel]

✨ B&B’S CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR ✨

11th December - peppermint

I am, once again, attempting to write one story through different prompts. I really enjoyed it last time so let’s see if I can do it through December!

check out the other days | now on ao3

Summary: Just a month after defeating Chuck, Sam & Dean are faced with their first real Christmas. Eileen, Jody, Donna, Claire & Kaia descend on the Bunker for a Christmas celebration like no other. But for Dean, Castiel’s confession still weighs heavy. It might be easier to deal with if Cas was actually around to talk to but he and Jack are busy in Heaven. Surely they don’t have time to come home for Christmas…do they?

🍵

Dean immediately pushes his woes from his mind.

“You ok, buddy?”

Jack considers. “I think so. Dad said I shouldn’t eat chocolate for breakfast but he also said he wouldn’t stop me because I need to understand the consequences of my actions. So I ate chocolate for breakfast and now I feel sick.”

Dean’s stomach swoops. “‘Dad’?”

“Oh, yes.” Jack smiles. “I asked Cas if I could call him that and he almost cried. But he said I should check with Claire first.”

Dean winces at the idea. “And she was ok with it?”

“Well, then she almost cried. And she shouted for a bit. Then Cas and Jody talked. Then Claire and I talked and Kaia helped. And then she said it was ok.”

“Right.”

Jody nods, confirming the timeline of events.

Dad. Cas is a dad. That's…great. And not at all making his insides flutter.

Jesus, why is he acting like the heroine in a sappy romance novel? His ovaries are not exploding, thank you very much.

"Do you have anything to make me feel less sick?"

Dean remembers that he's not alone in the room. "Uhh, dunno. You want water?"

"Hmm, I've tried that."

"What about something minty?" Jody suggests. "That usually helps."

"There's peppermint tea in the cupboard." Eileen says, smiling a little. "Sam bought it a few weeks ago for when he gets…" She wriggles her hand in front of her stomach.

"Gassy?"

"Yeah, exactly. But I think he says 'unsettled'."

Dean grins, opening the cupboard and finding the little box. "How polite of him."

Eileen and Jody disperse as Dean brews Jack's tea, sensing the gossiping is over for now.

Jack entertains himself by moving the tea bag around in the water with his mind while Dean reads over the recipe for Sam's vegetarian tart.

Cooking is one of the few things that can usually take his mind off his problems for a while. He likes having clear instructions to follow. Even better when those instructions result in something delicious he can feed everyone with.

“What are you doing?”

Jack appears at his shoulder, holding his steaming mug of tea.

“Checking the tart recipe. Gotta make sure I got everything.”

“Oh!” Jack’s eyes light up. “Is this the super secret surprise for Sam?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Dean’s trying to be exasperated but Jack’s excitement is infectious. “I gotta make the pastry first.”

“Ooh, can I help? Please?”

Dean melts at Jack’s hopeful expression. “I thought you felt sick. Is it a good idea you being around food? You’re not gonna chuck up all over the kitchen, are you?”

“No, I won’t! I promise! Look!” Jack chugs down half the mug of peppermint tea before Dean can stop him. He peers down at the mug and wipes his mouth. “Ow, that was hot!”

“Yeah, no shit, kid! That was boiling water!” Dean takes the mug off him before he can do anymore damage. “Your dad’ll kill me if he knows I let you do that.”

“Oh, great.” A clippy huff comes from the door. Claire stomps in, a scowl on her face. “Can’t even escape the dad talk in here.”

“Hello, Claire!” Jack beams then turns back to Dean. “Claire’s my sister now.”

“No, I’m not!” Claire glares, throwing herself down at the table dramatically. “We’re not related. Just because the guy that adopted you is wearing my dad, doesn’t mean we’re siblings.”

“It could!” Jack soldiers on, impervious to Claire’s anger. “If you wanted it to!”

“Well, I don’t.” She tugs at a loose thread on the cuff of her hoodie. “I haven’t got any family. Not since Cas took them away.”

“Hey!” Dean cuts in. “That’s enough! You know he’s been trying to make up for that for years.”

“I should’ve known you’d be defending him.” Claire says, fixing those cold blue eyes on Dean. “He does the same for you whenever you mess up. Only ‘cause he’s in love with you or whatever.”

Dean nearly drops the pastry dish. He wheels around, eyes wide and heart pounding.

“Jody told you?” He demands, voice breaking.

Claire’s scowl flattens out. “Wait, what?” Her eyebrows raise and her face goes pale. “I was joking, you idiot!”

Oh, f -

“You mean he does?!” Claire’s fingers curl on the table, nails pressing into the metal. “He’s actually in love with you?!”

Dean tries to answer but chokes on his tongue.