#Don't worry they will fall in love again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mrsfrecklesmarauders · 1 year ago

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Sirius Black had had many lovers through all his life. But no one quite like Remus Lupin.

Before Remus, Sirius was a fool. Remus was his best friend and the most amazing person he knew. But their love story would not start yet.

Sirius started getting attention from girls since he was twelve. They stared, pointed, waved and giggled around him. At that time, he didn't want to do anything with the opposite sex. And it was weird. All these girls didn't even know him at all.

Sirius started being interested in girls when he was fourteen. It was easy for Sirius to get girls' attention. He could have the one he chose. But he actually was scared to have a girlfriend. He didn't know what to actually do. He was handsome and cool according to girls but they didn't actually know him. What if they didn't like who he was?

Sirius had his first girlfriend at sixteen. Julie had been his first romance. They met at the Black Family's annual New Year's Party. But she wasn't a pretentious girl, like the ones Orion tried to introduce him. She was quite interesting. They flirted and talked all night. And she kissed him at midnight. Julie was the first girl Sirius actually fancied. He did everything to be with her. But Sirius wasn't actually ready to be in a relationship.

Perhaps Julie had genuinely loved Sirius. And Sirius cared for her a lot. But at the time, he was an immature wanker who only wanted to have fun. And Sirius didn't appreciate her enough.

The next girls were meaningless. One after the other. They only knew the cool Sirius he wanted to show he was. They only saw this handsome, popular, rich lad. And Sirius was fine. He hated his true self. And he didn't want anyone to see him.

But then Remus started everything by kissing him. And Sirius fell in love for the first time. It was scary what he felt for Remus. Not only because he was a boy and Sirius didn't know what that made him. But also because he had never felt this about anyone. It was beautiful and frightening. Remus didn't only care about cool Sirius Black, but the real too. No one knew him like Remus did.

Sirius and Remus had the most passionate kind of love. They gave each other so much, everything without even thinking. They didn't think about consequences or anything else. Just what they felt for each other. Sirius sometimes felt like his heart would explode out of his chest. He loved Remus so much it physically hurt.

Everything was so beautiful. They were at the hype of their love until it went to shit.

Perhaps they moved so fast. But suddenly, living with each other in that flat became too much. Sirius felt trapped when all he wanted to do was be young and free. Sometimes he had to give up plans and parties for his clingy jealous boyfriend. They fought a lot and tried to fix it with meaningless sex. There was no more passion, no more comfort, no more affection. Sirius stopped recognizing Remus. He wasn't his precious Moony anymore.

Breaking up with Remus was the most difficult decision he had ever done. It took him a long time to make, and even longer to do. And when it was done, it hurt him like nothing else. Nothing had made him suffer this much.

Forgetting Remus was even harder. What came after him, were stupid drunk hook ups, mistakes and disappointments in love.

Sirius fell in love twice after Remus.

The first one was Gideon Prewett. James worked with his brother Fabian and it wouldn't be long till they met. Gideon gave Sirius the wildness of a young life. Gideon was a party person, experienced, free of commitment. And Sirius loved how he felt around him. Gideon made him feel the most powerful and beautiful bloke on earth. But Gideon didn't want anything serious. He used Sirius for partying and sex. And Sirius was fine with that. Because he didn't want anything either. Not after Remus. Not again. But that was before he fell for Gideon.

It was like a stupid crush with the school popular jock. Sirius loved how fascinating Gideon was. But he knew nothing was going to happen between them. Gideon was closeted with his family still. Nice Molly and perfect Fabian didn't know their brother was gay, or that he was a freaking wanker.

When Sirius dared to confess his feelings, Gideon laughed.

"I thought you said this was just for fun, Sirius. That you didn't want anything ... This was amazing until you fucked it up with feelings"

Sirius' heart was broken. He had experienced an unreciprocated love for the first time and it hurt.

The second time Sirius fell in love was with Abby... Oh Abby... She wasn't easy. Abby was getting internet famous for her beauty and fascinating voice. A celebrity.

Sirius saw her singing when he went to a bar with his friends and he was hooked. The first time he tried to talk to her, she completely ignored him.

"Sirius Black... I bet no one had ever reject you in your life..." Well, that was true "Maybe it is time someone does, don't you think?"

It became a fun game to chase after her. Sirius had to look for her number and be creative with ways to ask her out. She was the most beautiful girl he had seen in his life. And every time she rejected him, he wanted her more. He finally understood the whole fascination James used to have with Evans back at school.

Sirius had to wait patiently for a date. And later a kiss. And worst for sex. But every second of it was worth it.

Their relationship was perfect at first. Sirius became those assholes he used to hate. Using cheesy pet names and using a baby voices with her. But hell he was in love.

But Sirius slowly began changing without even realizing it.

Sirius did everything Abby told him because he wanted to please her. And because she could make him feel very bad and guilty in a second. At first he thought it was healthy to exercise with her and stop eating and drinking unhealthy things. But then she started telling him what to wear. How long to keep his hair.

Sirius convinced himself he was changing for the better, that love was making him better.

Abby was a social butterfly with her friends but she always seemed uncomfortable with Sirius' friends.

Sirius didn't see a bad sign not even when Walburga liked her. Walburga now divorced from Orion and back from Paris, wanted to mend things with her sons. Abby thought it was a brilliant idea.

"I know you have a dubious past with your mother, Sirius. But she is trying... Give her a chance"

Walburga was happy that Sirius had found himself a nice girl. Of course, she had hated all of Sirius' male partners so far. Especially Remus. But Abby seemed to be perfect.

Sirius didn't like what he was becoming. Abby was turning him exactly in what his parents had expected from him. Sure, it felt nice kind of getting along with his mother. But he wasn't being himself.

"7 years ago..." his phone showed him a video of Remus. It was shaking and overwhelming to see young Remus' face again. In the video, Remus was asleep.

"Look at my beautiful Moony sleeping... Isn't he adorable?"

His hair was wild and lovely, just the way Sirius used to adore.

"Sirius,..." Remus moaned "Let me sleep"

Sirius giggled "But the world deserves to see this..."

"The world?" Remus opened his eye "Sirius! Are you recording?"

There was struggle with the camera. And a few laughters.

"I swear to God, Sirius!" Remus protested "You are always with that camera"

Now Sirius was pointing at the two of them, lying next to each other in bed. Young Sirius was looking at Remus as if he was the most precious thing.

"I want to remember these moments forever"

Remus smiled, still with sleepy eyes. He gave Sirius a kiss.

"I love you"

"I love you more"

They kissed again.

"Now put that camera away!" Remus pushed it.

Sirius laughed "Okay..."

That was when the video ended. And Sirius from the present had tears in his eyes. Sirius loved Abby. But she would never make him feel what Remus did. No one would. And God, he was so happy back then... What had happened to that Sirius? Who was this person replacing him?

Sirius decided to break up with Abby the next day. Even if it cost him because he still loved her. He quit his boring job, and he took his leather jacket and his baby motorcycle from the garage. As well as all his old art supplies. He wasn't as happy as when he drew or painted. He was going to do it again. He was going to get that old Sirius Black back.

"I broke up with Abby..." Sirius' eyes still filled with tears.

"Oh..."

"You are the first person I tell" Sirius added "I don't want to tell my friends because they are going to tell me 'I told you so', you know?"

"Are you okay?"

Sirius could see the relief in his brother's eyes. Even if they were in a video call.

"Tell me the truth, Reggie" Sirius asked "Are you glad I broke up with her? Did you actually like her?"

Regulus was quiet for a while.

"I found her annoying and superficial" Regulus said

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you looked happy"

"As happy as I was with Remus?"

"Woah..."

"What?"

"I haven't heard you say his name in a while...That's all"

Sirius was silent.

"I think I haven't seen you as happy as you were with him"

Still Sirius didn't know what to say.

"Do you want to get back with him?"

Sirius swallowed "It doesn't matter what I want... Remus is dating someone else... Perfect Grant... He is so much better for Remus than me... It doesn't matter..."

"Okay, Sirius..."

"I think I need to be by myself for a while... Find myself again"

"That's good"

Sirius had been realizing lately that everyone wanted him or loved him for being handsome, or a Black, or fun to be around. Not because of who he really was. Only Remus did that. Sirius hadn't been more himself as he was with Remus. But it was too late for them now.

Remus had moved on. And Sirius would never get him out of his head. The moon and the Stars. Sirius had seeked for another moon during this time. But the moon was the moon, there was only one.

Sirius wondered if he would ever see Remus again.

#This is very Invisible String and This Love vibes #Those two songs always make me think of Wolfstar #The moon and the stars #Soulmates #Don't worry they will fall in love again #marauders #marauders era #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar

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brittlebutch · 1 year ago

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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

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