#Does anyone know if we have fagging out today.

[fictoferret]

i KNOW that man doesnt got me thinking "i wish i was that cigarette" Theyre putting me down tmrw

[queenshelby]

Chemical Reactions (P. 6)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy as J Robert Oppenheimer x Student Reader

Warning: Smut, Age-Gap, Infidelity

Words: 4,905

Note: The fic is spoiler free and my own fantasy and imagination. It is not historically and scientifically accurate.

Previous Parts: 1; 2; 3; 4; 5

“You really want to have this discussion now?” you sighed before reaching for the packet of cigarettes which you kept on the ledge of your chalkboard while leaning back against it. You were still half naked and your bare breasts were exposed.

“Considering the circumstances, I think that we must talk about it now. I understand if you would rather save yourself for someone who…” Robert began to say as you handed him your cigarette and before you interrupting him.

“Listen Robert, the fact that you are married doesn’t bother me and, clearly, it doesn’t bother you either as, otherwise, you wouldn’t have kissed me” you said before snatching the cigarette from his hand again, causing Robert to furrow his eyebrows.

“Now that, too, is presumptuous” he ought to point out in respect of which you laughed.

“Is it though?” you chuckled before expanding on the topic of fidelity. “I suppose your reputation precedes you. Despite, I know about Jean Tatlock and your affair with Ruth Tolman” you told him, causing Robert’s chin to drop. He sighed again and then he asked “how did you know?” to which, of course, you had already formulated a response in the back of your head.

“Women talk. Barbara Chevalier and Ruth Tolman are friends and I have overheard a few conversations between them since living here” you admitted to Robert before handing the cigarette back to him.

“Well, for the record, my affairs with these women are in the past. I have ended them both” Robert explained before inhaling the smoke of the cigarette without realising that, for you, the fact that he had ended those affairs, did not make a difference.

“Dr Oppenheimer, with respect, none of this really concerns me. I am not your wife” you chuckled, causing Robert’s eyes to widen. He was surprised by your attitude towards this topic and now regretted the fact that he had spoken up about it before he even had the chance to be with you, at least that once.

“I suppose we have officially passed the need for formalities, don’t you think?” Robert asked. “So please, call me Robert” he then said and you took him up on his offer while still standing there with the fabric of your dress stacked up over your hips and your bare nipples pointing right at him.

“Alright, Robert” you said before giving him a cheeky smile. “Now, let me tell you something about myself” you then told him and, sure enough, he was keen to hear about your thoughts on the current situation.

“I am a woman who does not believe in love or marriage, both of which are social conventions invented by human kind without any scientific backing whatsoever. In my opinion, questions concerning marital fidelity are minuscule in today’s society where one race is trying very hard to destroy another. We have bigger issues to worry about than our own emotions” you began to explain before snatching the cigarette from Robert’s hands again and continuing with your explanation. “What I do, however, believe in is physical and intellectual attraction giving rise to a connection between two people. I believe that we have such connection but, if you do not feel the same way, then perhaps you are right and this should stop now” you then said before disposing of the fag and stepping towards Robert again who looked both, stunned and confused.

“I haven’t met anyone quite like you and I am astonished by how mature you are at such a young age” he said in an almost whispering voice while caressing your face again gently. He was looking at you with desire and need again before, somewhat expectedly, pressing his lips onto yours for a split second before you pulled away from him once more.

“Unfortunatly maturity doesn’t necessarily translate to experience, as you will soon find out” you blushed, causing Robert to look at you in awe.

“I am sure you will do just fine” he teased, causing you to chuckle and roll your eyes all at the same time before you reached up and pulled his mouth to yours again.

The touch of his warm lips brushing against yours caused a thrill of excitement to rush through you. Robert’s kiss was soft, gentle, and then became more urgent as you opened your mouth to accept his tongue. Even though this was not your first kiss, you almost felt as if it was. This would be a night of firsts for both of you and your heart pounded so hard it hurt as you kissed him back fervently

“Come on” Robert then whispered after pulling away from you and guiding you towards the bed, which is when you quickly shuffled your dress down over your hips and disposed of it on the floor.

“Robert?” you then said with a husky voice before laying down on your back and looking up at him nervously as he disposed of the rest of his clothes as well, expect for his briefs.

“Yes? What is it?” he asked before joining you and hovering over you while caressing your face gently. He looked at you in awe and his eyes were reassuring.

“Take it slow, please” you whispered nervously before reaching up to run your hands through his hair.

“Of course. That goes without saying” Robert reassured you before he kissed you again and, this time around, he was deepening and lengthening the kiss, showing you just how much he wanted and desired you.

As you were kissing passionately, his hands reached around to caress you, causing your mostly naked bodies to rub against each other. Your bare breasts were now trapped against his chest and the feel of his warm body atop of yours caused shivers run down your spine.

Coming up to breathe, Robert eventually pulled away from you a little and, when he did, the tingling sensation he left behind on your lips made you smile.

Robert returned the smile you gave him and the smile that crossed his face warmed your trembling limbs and hid your excited nervousness. Despite the fact that you wanted this man more than anyone you had ever known, you felt somehow unstable when finally being faced with the idea of being intimate with someone else for the first time in your life.

The bravado you usually wore like a shield around him seemed to desert you, and even though you he couldn’t see much more than your face in this position, you felt naked under Robert’s heated gaze. You suddenly worried about your inexperience and you wondered whether this was actually a good idea.

Robert saw the panic of insecurity rise in your eyes, and he reached out to gently push a stray strand of hair behind your ear and grazed your bottom lip with his thumb before bringing his mouth to yours again. It was a slow kiss, deepening as his desire built even further. He knew he needed to go slow with you, take you gently and he hoped he could.

A hot rush travelled through your body as you responded to his kiss and felt his body shift, now enabling to graze his hands over your breasts.

“You are so beautiful” Robert then whispered before allowing not only his hands, but also his lips, to travel and you gasped as, eventually, you felt him nuzzle into your neck and trace your collarbone with his lips.

“That feels nice” you acknowledged as Robert was trailing his fingers over your skin and then you even moaned somewhat inadvertently when he brushed his fingers across your nipples. They surged under his caress and sent piercing streaks of arousal to your core. His caress was like a hot spark, and his touch excited you like you had not believed possible. You did not know how you could withstand his hands on the naked skin of your breasts for long but you knew that you had to try.

As Robert gazed over your naked flesh, you felt a blush creep up your neck. His eyes were so dark and full of lust, unlike anything else you had ever seen before and, just when Robert noticed your nervousness again, he pulled his hands away slightly, giving you some more time.

“Am I moving too fast?” he asked but you shook your head.

"No!” you groaned. “Touch me and kiss me again, please" you begged and you hoped that your voice would sound strong and self-assured. Unfortunately, you could not pull it off, and it shook with pure anxiety.

"As you wish” Robert chuckled before finally cupping one of your breasts and leaning down to slowly and gently swipe his tongue across one hard nipple.

"Oh my god" you whimpered as Robert teased the hard, little bud with his lips and rolled the other stiff nipple between two fingers.

“God, huh?” Robert teased. “I never expected to ever hear this word coming from your mouth…how unscientific of you…” he then joked just as you watched him lean over you.

“Just shut up and keep doing whatever you were doing to me. I am begging you, Robert” you joked for a moment while trying to pull his lips closer to your breasts again, which is when he took your thus-far neglected nipple into his warm mouth. He licked and sucked, alternating between the two stiff peaks, until you trembled and gasped on the edge of something you had never experienced before.

“Fuck, Robert” You felt feverish with excitement. Your mouth was dry, but your body was more alive than it had ever been before. Without him having even touched your mound, it was wet, yet felt as if it was on fire and throbbing with need. Shivers of anticipation shot up your spine, and you sucked your breath in raggedly as Robert dragged his insistent tongue down, letting it trail over your belly and to your navel.

“So perfect” Robert then murmured against your skin as he took his time exploring your body, trailing his fingers and mouth over your belly and thighs, before running them teasingly over the lace of your panties, making you moan loudly.

“Jesus Christ” you cursed, moaned and groaned in pleasure, causing Robert to look up at you and furrow his eyebrows.

“Don’t stop” you demanded as he was looking at you now with a cheeky smile having formed across his face and you tried to squirm up against him to simply gain some friction.

"I won’t, but I want to see all of you before I continue” Robert then said as his voice was thick with longing.

“Okay” you murmured in response, sounding desperate and anxious all at the same time. Your panties were moist, evidence of your excitement, and you were certain that he could smell your arousal as you hooked your thumbs inside the waistband of the lacy panties and wriggled out of them. You felt exposed, vulnerable, but also incredibly excited by the expression on his face, as he watched you offer your body to him. His expression showed eagerness, pleasure and even greed, you thought. There was no sign of the trepidation you had expected to see there.

“Now you” you then winked and, without taking his gaze from you, Robert stripped his briefs off quickly, throwing them to the side of the bed.

When you saw his erection, your breath caught in your throat. This was the first time you looked at a man’s most intimate body part, and in your virgin mind, it appeared impossibly thick and long. Your mound throbbed at the sight of it, but your stomach churned in repressed fear.

Eventually, you decided to proceed and Robert’s hands moved slowly and tenderly over your body again, pushing the anxiety from your mind as they wandered over your contours and cupped your mound gently. You groaned softly as his fingers caressed the lips, wet with your arousal, and then slid between their moistness into the entrance of your pussy.

"You are so wet” Robert then said as he buried his face against your neck while probing your entrance some more.

“Uh huh” you moaned in response as you moved your pelvis in time with his probing fingers. They were curious and insistent and were creating marvellous sensations in your core.

“Oh god Robert. This feels so nice” you eventually groaned as you spread your legs wider but your voice faded as Robert took immediate advantage of your pleasure, dipping his finger deeper inside your wetness. Your hips jerked suddenly at the unfamiliar sensation of being penetrated.

"I am sorry. I will go slow" Robert said, realising that this was too quick and too soon for you and, just as he let his thumb circle and caress the hood of your swollen clit, he could feel the heavy beating of your heart. Its rhythm matched his own, but the throbbing in his groin was wilder than he could remember.

“This feels incredible” you spoke with laboured breath and took every ounce of Robert’s willpower to restrain himself and not plough into you immediately. The scent of your mound was driving him wild, and it looked so good. All soft, swollen and slick with your excitement. It was the most welcoming sight he had seen in a long time.

“I want to taste you. May I?” Robert then whispered and your eyes widened. You knew what this meant and the thought of it alone aroused you incredibly.

“Yes” you thus moaned and, unable to restrain his need to taste your properly, Robert kissed down your body again so that he could let his tongue slide through your glistening labia and taste your delicious essence as his lips sought out your fleshy clit.

"Oh, fuck! Robert. Oh my god!” you moaned, squirming under his mouth. Your nails dug into his scalp to hold him there. You did not want him to ever stop. His tongue was creating sensations in you that you had never experienced before. Masturbation had always been good for you. You knew how to use your fingers expertly to bring yourself to climax, but this was different. It was warmer, wetter and more teasing, with an intense build up that made you want to thrash around and cry out in pleasure and frustration. You rocked your pelvis against his mouth, your inhibitions fading into the background of the sensations he gave you. You moved with him, demanding more as he licked and explored you.

Eventually, a squeal of pure pleasure tore from your lips as your spasms started deep inside. You trembled and gasped at the sensations that raced through your body exploded in a wave of pleasure that radiated back throughout your body again. As the waves of sensation crossed each other, you swore you would pass out. You held on to the here and now, enjoying the wild ride, and when you opened your eyes at last, you found Robert smiling at you.

"Fuck Robert, that was amazing. I had no idea! Is that how it feels for you? I mean, would it work the same way if I did this to you?" you asked, boldly reaching out to caress the rigid cock pressed into your side, eager at the thought of giving him the same pleasure he had just given you. It was hot and hard in your hands, and a small trickle of precum dribbled from the darkly coloured tip.

“Properly” Robert acknowledged and you moved to a better position and bent your head to tentatively stroke the velvety shaft against the side of your soft cheek, before dragging the tip of your tongue over the crown. Very gently, you drew it into your mouth and sucked slowly, lovingly, savouring his meaty thickness. You were surprised by your own enjoyment of this. You had never even contemplated it before.

"Fuck, I won't be able to hold out for too long, if you do that for much longer” Robert groaned after fifteen minutes or so as he watched you latch your soft lips onto his throbbing hardness. You moaned, overcome with the sensation of having him in your mouth and the taste of his excitement.

"Then don't. Cum in my mouth. I am curious about what it tastes like” you said quite honestly after lifting your lips from his cock and looking up at him through hooded lids that only served to stoke the fire of his desire to even higher levels.

"No. I don’t want to cum. Not yet" Robert groaned nonetheless before he gently pulled you from his cock before pushing you back onto your back playfully. "The first time I cum tonight will be inside of you" he then grimaced and a rush of adrenaline shot through you as he moved between your thighs.

“If this is still what you want…” Robert then ought to confirm and you nodded eagerly.

“Yes. It is what I want Robert. I want to feel you inside of me” you told him just as you felt the heat coming off his body when he nudged himself against the moist outer lips of your pussy. You spread your legs, and he rubbed the head of his cock over your slickness. He hesitated for a second before, eventually, leaning forward and supporting himself with his arms.

He then pressed ahead, pushing himself into you slowly and carefully while looking for cues of any discomfort on your face. His attention was focused on the warm, wet feeling of your lips surrounding his cock. They opened slowly to him, and he slowly pushed himself into the velvety depths of you with a pleasurable groan. He hadn't been sure if he had been expecting the barrier of a hymen, given the fact that you admitted that you masturbated, but there was only a small amount of resistance to overcome as he continued to push into you with slow, gentle thrusts.

“Robert! Fuck!” you moaned eventually while digging your nails into his arms and shoulders. Your voice was tremulous and shaky as he filled you and stretched you beyond what you had known.

Hearing your tremulous moan, Robert thrust forward sharply now and groaned as he slid all the way up inside you. You winced and bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying out. Your breathing was fast and shallow as your channel opened and stretched to take all of him. Despite the soreness and feeling of being overfull, it was a wondrous moment for you, finally knowing what it felt like to have a man buried inside you.

"You are so incredibly tight” Robert gasped at the snugness of you, barely holding onto his self-control. Now that he was in deeper, surrounded by your wetness, he was careful not to move, to let your get used to the feel of him inside you. It almost killed him not to plunge repeatedly into your pussy. His cock felt harder than it ever had and your cries of pleasure, knowing no one had ever made your feel like this, made him feel more virile, more potent than he ever had.

"You don't have to hold back Robert" you breathed into his neck as you clung to him. You wrapped your legs around his hips and raked your nails down his back as he sunk deeper into you. The eyes looking down at you were tinged with concern and fire, but you wanted his desire, his passion, to feel beautiful in his arms. You wanted him to make love to you, but you also wanted him to fuck you. You wanted to experience everything you had heard others talk about over so many years, all at once, even though you knew it was unfair to expect so much from this one man alone.

He moved his hips slowly, sliding his cock back and forth inside you, letting your get used to the rhythm. You moved with him, intuitively pushing your pelvis upwards as he slid into you. Each time he buried himself inside of you, your clit was trapped against the upper side of his shaft. You moaned loudly at the exquisite sensations and ground your mound up against him even harder, pumping back faster, until the sounds of your bodies slapping against each other and the squelching sound of their passionate fucking sent a wave of need and pure lust through him.

"Oh god. Keep going" you gasped, licking his neck and biting at his shoulders. "Don't hold back. Please, I need you to take me” you gasped again, unbelieving that you had said the words that chased around your brain out loud. You felt confident now. You felt safe. And you most certainly felt incredible.

Your words caused the blood to rush through Robert’s veins. He stared into your desire-filled gaze but, when his eyes locked with yours, a deeper connection hit him with more force than he had ever known with another woman before.

"Y/N. Oh god. I want you so fucking much” Robert groaned and since he didn’t usually swear or use the name of the holy lord, his very own words surprised him. Your name tore from his lips as he plundered your body, changing positions twice, before finding himself atop of you again.

His tongue drove into your mouth, sweeping inside, tasting, commanding, and taking what he needed. He could no longer restrain himself and he let himself go, fucking you the way he had wanted to ever since you had appeared in his life. With a growl of pure lust, he pumped his hips, plunging into you over and over. He could not get deep enough.

"Oh god, Robert. Take me” you moaned over and over again as he drove into you. Your body arched and undulated under his fevered lovemaking. The muscles of your channel clenched and spasmed around his length as a great bubble of pleasure rose up from your toes, engulfed you and burst into shards of explosive release that had you shuddering and sobbing.

"Let go for me Y/N” Robert groaned while he pinched your nipples, and you cried out again.

Your face and torso were flushed, your breath raspy, as you writhed beneath him and clawed at him while your body peaked again. You then cried out once more, and he lost it. A roar exploded from him as his body crested and he toppled over the edge. His length throbbed and pulsed, spilling his anguish and a steady stream of cum into you. He collapsed on you gasping, trying to regain his breath.

"Don't move, please" you said, your face still flushed with your excitement. You stroked his hair lovingly. "I like the way you feel inside me” you said while enjoying the little ebbing ripples from your tight walls against his cock. He smiled and kissed your lips softly and you continued this for a while until, eventually, he pulled out of you which caused some of your combined juices to leak from your slit and on to the sheets.

“So how did I do, Robert? Just fine?” you then asked just as Robert rolled to his side, facing you and caressing your face while you thought about this incredible explosive feeling he made you experience just moments ago.

“I actually cannot recall the last time I had sex that good” he gasped. His breath was still laboured as he looked at you and smiled.

“I am sure you say this to everyone” you joked after pressing a quick kiss on to Robert’s lips and before sitting up straight when, suddenly, it hit you and you came up with an idea.

“No, actually, I don’t” Robert said as he watched you get out of bed abruptly. “What are you doing?” he thus asked while you tippy toed across the room before standing right in front of the chalkboard in order to ask him a question.

“Have you figured how to get your hands on enough uranium yet? Because, going by my estimates, I believe that the US will never be able to secure enough for more than one bomb unless they work with their allies?” you then said somewhat suddenly, causing Robert to sit up as well and furrow his eyebrows.

“You know I cannot talk about this Y//N” he told you as you picked up the chalk and began to write down a formula.

“Alright, you don’t have to tell me anything. I do the talking and you take away what you want from it” you said as, still in your naked form, you wrote down a few calculations from your head.

“Y/N, your calculations don’t make sense…” Robert interrupted you until he realised that you were talking about two entirely different substances now.

“We aren’t talking about uranium anymore, are we?” he thus ought to clarify, causing you to chuckle.

“Well, you aren’t talking at all Robert. You can’t tell me anything, remember?” you teased before telling him that it was plutonium which you based your calculations on rather than uranium.

“Plutonium is too fragile” Robert pointed out which is when you dropped the chalk back on to the ledge of the board and shrugged your shoulders.

“Yes it is fragile, but it is powerful and you can extract more” you pointed out while, elegantly, crawling back into bed.

“It’s impractical nonetheless. It will be much more difficult to build a bomb using plutonium” Robert said while sill glancing at your calculations.

“Probably, which is why you need a bunch of people as smart as you are to figure out a way to make it work” you told him, causing Robert to pull you atop of him and kiss you again.

“There is something incredibly sexy about watching you calculate a reaction, completely naked, while talking to me about atoms” he then determined, earning him yet another quiet chuckle.

“If you say so” you teased while giving in to his many kisses and caresses.

“How do you feel about moving to the dessert with me?” Robert then wanted to know, causing you to pull away from him.

“You want me to come on to the project with you?” you asked somewhat surprised seeing that you were not even a postgrad student yet which, in your mind, made you unqualified.

“Yes. In fact, I think I need you” Robert told you nonetheless and with a great sense of determination, causing you to shake your head.

“You don’t need me Robert” you chuckled, seeing that he probably already had a group of well-known scientists on board, none of whom you could compete with.  

“But I do need you and it would just be you and me, working together during the day and then doing this at night” Robert responded to your statement while gently running his hands over your bare skin again in a suggestive kind of manner.

“Just you and me, huh?” you moaned before pushing Robert’s hand out of the way. “What about your wife?” you wanted to know, seeing that, no doubt, she would be there too.

“She has no desire to live in the middle of nowhere for a year or two, because this is how long it will take to make this bomb. She is not coming” Robert informed you while caressing your skin again, teasing you and making you ache with need and desire for him.

“Robert…” you gasped before his lips silenced you gently, kissing you passionately.

“Just think about it” he then told you after your lips drifted apart, causing you to nod.

“I will think about it and, maybe, there is a way you could make this proposal a little more appealing to me” you suggested just before you pushed Robert beneath you and assumed authority over him.

“How?” he asked while feeling your hand gently wrap around his hardening shaft.

“Well, for starters, you could fuck me again” you teased while stroking him.

“Right now?” Robert groaned while, again, you lined the head of his hard member up with your entrance, causing you to nod.

“Yes, right fucking now” you determined before sinking down on his cock, engulfing him completely, which was something you continued for a quite some time.

In fact, you made love for what felt like hours, up until one or two o’clock at night, following which Robert stayed with you, sharing a bed just like any other ordinary couple would until, suddenly, at 6 o’clock in the morning, you were startled by the arrival of someone unexpected, barging into your room.

To be continued…

Please comment and engage. I love getting comments and predictions pretty please!

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[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#359

“What the fuck are you doing?  You know our arrangement.  You agreed to it.  I told you last time I wanted you here waiting for me naked.  If you don’t want to live up to your end of the bargain, fine I’ll fire your brother tomorrow.  If you don’t want your brother’s parole officer to know he’s unemployed and the reason why, then strip out of those fucking clothes….

“Get over here and give me a kiss….  I know you don’t like to kiss, but I do.  Right here on my lips….  You can do better than that.  I don’t want a peck, give me some tongue.

“You look disgusted.  Too bad.  Let me do this right….  Oh yeah.  Going forward, I expect this kind of kiss from you.  Damn, boy, you feel good in my arms.  There’s something about a man holding his naked boy that gets my juices flowing.

“Go ahead and reach down; feel how hard I am getting.  That’s all you baby.  Why don’t you unzip me and take it out while we kiss some more.  Oh yeah….

“That feels so good.  You are doing much better than what you did on Day 1; you’re accepting your role here.  You know my cock needs your submission.  You are accepting giving a blowjob as part of how you serve me.  I’m beginning to think that you are enjoying taking my dick down your throat.  Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you have swallowed my load without my prompting.

“Here pull in.  Lean against me.  Keep stroking me; you almost have me rock hard.  Your back is so smooth.  My rough hands like how silky it feels.  Oh my, your ass is… wow…  Now, my fingers are going into your crack.  Relax. 

“I told you that things are changing with today’s meeting.  The first is that I will be fucking you.  My finger likes feeling every fold of your pussy hole….  No, no, no.  Don’t pull away.  This pussy is mine.  Have you ever had a man fuck you before?...  Has anyone ever fingered you?...  So I will pop your cherry?  Hell yeah.

“I said, ‘Don’t pull away.’  I will be fucking you.  Your pussy is mine.  I own it.  It’s mine to do with what I want to do. 

“But you know… after I fuck you, you can say no to me fucking you again, and all this comes to an end.  I can go to your brother’s parole officer and show him the videos of him dealing.  He would be thrown back in prison so fast.  Then you will be on your own.  I know you are going off to college in the fall.  You’ll have to pay for that, and a place to live.  Working here on site cleaning up after the men doesn’t pay much.  You and your brother would be screwed.

“Here’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to leave your brother alone.  No one needs to see those videos.  I will even recommend him for a different job.  One that pays him just under double what he is making now.  The guys love him.  Most don’t care that he went to jail for drug dealing years ago.  They would all be shocked to know about those videos though.

“All you have to do is to give me your pussy from this point on.  No resisting like you did when I had you first suck my dick.  I expect you to struggle to take my thickness, every virgin I have fucked does.  Those are your choices. 

“Lucky for you, I brought some lube.  Don’t move and keep stroking me.  Like that.  You got me pre-cumming.  Some fag boys that’s all they get from me when I fuck them.  You are going to need a lot more.

“This is going to feel a little wet….  Oh yeah.  Your pussy is soaking this up.  My finger almost slipped in; can’t have that happen.  My cock needs to be first in there. 

“Lie on the ground right there, face down and spread eagle.  Until I tell you to move, you keep your arms and legs in that position.  That’s to prevent you from standing back up. 

“Bitch, I’m about to claim this pussy.  Scream if you want to.  You and I both know everyone is gone.  No one will hear you.

“Feel my cockhead at your pussy lips?  Here it comes….  Quit squirming and relax.  Yeah you have a fully clothed six foot two, two hundred sixty pound, forty seven year old man lying on scrawny, naked, five seven, hundred fifty pound, eighteen year old pussy boy.  I know it’s difficult to breathe.  But there’s no way for you to pull off my cock.  This is going to happen.  Your pussy belongs to my dick.  I can feel its hunger.  Goddamned, it feels good.

“You ready to be cunted?  You ready to become my bitch cunt?  Because this pussy is going to be changing.  It’s going to be a cunt in a few moments.  That means it’s going to be my possession.  If you want to walk away and send your brother back to jail, now is the time to tell me….

“Ok, I own this cunt.  This is a hole that was made to be fucked.  By me.  And only me.  No one will be using this cunt unless I say so, and I won’t be saying so.  You are giving up all women and men.  It will only be my dick in here or down your throat.  You hear me cunt?  Who’s in charge?

“You’re damned right I am.  I will be putting one of those cock cages on you so that even you won’t have access to your pecker.  And if I ever catch you with another man,… or a woman, your brother will be back in jail so fast, and I throw you naked in the middle of a biker bar with the words ‘Rape Me’ on your forehead and across your back and walk away.

“I will be taking over your schooling.  I will decide what classes you will take.  Your life belongs to me.  My place is only minutes away from your college; you will move in to the one-bedroom suite attached to my garage.  Other than school, you will be naked there at all times, ready to take my cock when it demands it.

“You ready for your life to change, fag?  Answer me!...  Damned right.  Keep calling me Daddy. 

“I need to see your fucking cunt face.  Flip over on your back; Daddy needs to cunt you right.  I’m going to give you one hell of a gape when my cock is done with you. 

“This is a much better position.  Keep your legs up in the air and spread.  Damn, my cock just slid right back in, as if the cunt was made for taking it.  You can now look into my eyes.  You can watch me as I nut in you.

“I am so horned up.  I am ready to bust my first nut in my new cunt.  The best part of this position is that I can… smack you across the face.  Hell yeah I will be doing that going forward.  Gone are the caresses and the tender play.  That’s for pussies.  And you are a cunt.  A cunt gets smacked around.  Like this.  No reason other than you are a cunt.

“Oh fuck.  Oh fuck?  You ready for my first load in your cunt?  Because it’s going to flood your guts.  Here it fucking cums. 

“Ahhh.  Ahhhhhhh.  Ahhhhhhhhh.  Fuck yeah.  I can do this all day, and I will.  But we need to get to my place, your new home.

“Fuck faggot.  Giving your brother a raise and a promotion is well worth having access to this cunt of yours.  Let’s get going.  No you are remaining naked. 

“But first, clean off my cock.  Cunt, you have no say.  Besides you are always to leap to my dick to clean it off after it was inside of you.  If you think that’s nasty, wait until I get you under my rimseat for hours at end.”

[callmearcturus]

what do you mean by TC is a black box? what does that mean?

/pops gum loudly.

Sure, I've been avoiding this landmine a while lemme shove my foot onto it.

TC doesn't do serious interviews. He barely does press. everything out of him is a soundbite, and that's obviously a very deliberate choice on his part that probably has a few motives behind it. He consciously, actively avoids sharing anything beyond his enthusiasm for cinema and his work.

As someone who clearly has found a Problematic Fave in McQuarrie-era Cruise, I have thought about all that a lot.

One. I think that TC had to work consistently and deliberately to rehab his image after everything, and I think he's damn careful not to endanger the tentative equilibrium he's managed to build over literally about twenty fucking years.

Two. I'm old enough to remember Tom Cruise Crazy era, and one of the things that's... interesting to me with the maturity and hindsight of sitting here in 2023 is that, yes, a lot of TC's actions and associations were concerning back in that period, back when he was in the news. But the world didn't react with concern. The world, broadly speaking, called him a fag and a freak in a way that I hope we wouldn't today. I hope that "hey this huge star is part of a cult and is acting erratically" would cause even superficial concern today and not... what it did back then. Because I def remember songs and memes about that shit, and my family made jokes about him being a lunatic. Classmates talked about him being a closet case. It's what everyone did. I didn't realize that was fucked up for a long time.

I do genuinely wonder what TC's relationship with his audience and with the media would be if there was literally an ounce of compassion in the coverage about him. But we'll never know.

Three. TC has been literally world famous since 1983. Forty years. I....... literally cannot fathom that. What that does to someone. The very idea of it hits me with existential terror.

Four. I don't know anything about his life today. I don't really want to know because I've always been of the opinion that... I don't want to know shit about celebrities major or minor. I don't need to know, and I think it's weird that we accept that people must forfeit their privacy for even minuscule fame.

(The disgusting hounding and harassment of Jonny Sims, writer of The Magnus Archives, comes to mind. This is why I don't follow anyone like Neil Gaiman on Tumblr either, it feels invasive to me personally.)

Like, I know this cuts both ways. I am relieved when a famous person is a cool person. But also I would rather know nothing about them, because that inherent demand that they present their self for scrutiny and entertainment seems like bullshit to me. I don't think any of us are entitled to that. I think the fact so many entertainment industries demand that is repulsive and I wish that was a bell that could be unrung.

Point is: I don't know shit about TC's personal life. My genuine hope is that in this part of his life, as he's surrounded himself with people who seem passionate and supportive, i hope he's found his way out of the turmoil of the CoS (or is in the process of doing so). But while that is my hope, I don't think the details are any of my fucking business. And frankly, I think its obvious that he agrees.

Hence, he is a black box. Which I respect, as I'm a big fan of boundaries.

[justabumatthepark]

WAIT FIVE MINUTES

AND HE'S GONNA WANNA TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

BUT I DON'T

😈😈😈

SO THAT'S A NO ON THE WHOLE DAADAA SITUATION?

🤭🤭🤭

4:46PM 9/10/24

STILL NOTHING?

WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE ON THIS TUMBLR UNTIL YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT DAADAA

AND OF COURSE HE'S JUST GONNA TALK OVER ME BECAUSE THAT'S EASIER THAN TALKING ABOUT DADDY APPARENTLY

SO WHAT'S UP PUTO FAG

WHEN DOES THE COUPON END

I MEAN IT ENDED LAST WEEK

BUT WHEN DOES IT END FOR YOU?

HUSHMOUTH?

AND FUCK NO I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND

IF THIS WAS A CORPORATION

YOU EITHER WOULD'VE NEVER GOTTEN THE CONTRACT

OR IT'S GETTING TERMINATED

"ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD"

BUSINESS ONLY MY BOY

MONEY TALKS

BULLSHIT WALKS

PSYCHOLOGY CAN GATEWAY ME INTO ALL SORTS OF VENTURES

HOW Y'ALL WANNA MAKE MONEY

WORKING FOR PUTO FAG YOUR WHOLE LIFE

OR

TAKING IT FOR OURSELVES

MONOPOLY ACTIONS

KILL ME BITCH

BET YOU WON'T PUSSY

BUT DO IT RIGHT NOW BITCH

SHOW US YOU'RE RIGHTEOUS

"SHOOT THE BITCH IN THE HEAD WALK MYSELF TO THE COURT LIKE

YEAH I DID THAT"

"YOU KNOW IT'S SMOKE

CUSS WE AIN'T EVEN TAKE OFF HIS CHAIN" - 21 SAVAGE

OTHERWISE LET'S TALK ABOUT DADDY

I DON'T HAVE A DAD WHAT ABOUT YOU?

DID HE HIT YOU?

HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE YOU SPENT ON THIS BOUNTY?

"300,000"

GOTDAMN NIGGA

SO THAT BANK ACCOUNT LOADED HUH?

OH SO YOU ONLY RESPOND WHEN YOU THINK IT MAKES YOU SOUND/LOOK COOL

🤭😂😂😂😂

"FUCK YOU"

I'M SORRY I DID MEAN TO LAUGH AT YOU

😂😂😂

SO LIKE WHY ME BIG DAWG WHAT HAPPENED?

Tap in!

DM ME

YOU KNOW I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU'RE BULLSHITTING ABOUT THAT NUMBER MY BOY

DONATIONS ARE OPEN

100% ✅ SECURED

THE ODDS ARE 1 TO 1

DON'T BELIEVE ME

FACT CHECK ME 🤷🏽

OPEN TO OFFERS

Tap in!

DM ME

I'LL WORK WITH ANYONE BUT PUTO FAG

TELLING YOU AGAIN BECAUSE I GUESS YOU LIKE THINGS TO BE REPEATED TO YOU AND I LOVE DOING IT

😈😈😈

YOU PUT NO FUCKING FEAR IN MY HEART

NO BITCH THE REASON YOU'RE ADDICTED IS BECAUSE I FIGURED IT OUT

YOUR OTHER LITTLE FAGGOTS GOT ACCEPTED

BUT I'M NOT PART OF YOUR FAGGOT ASS CREW

"DO YOU SEE A "BORN TO LOSE" TATTOO ON MY FOREHEAD?"

"WE ARE NOT NICE PEOPLE"

YEAH, ME NEITHER BITCH

IF YOU WANT SMOKE

THEN

BITCH

I WANT THE SAME THANG

THERE IS ONLY ONE NUMBER ONE

AND ONE NUMBER TWO

ANYONE BELOW US IS JUST AN IDIOT

AND WE ARE BOTH THINKING IT

BECAUSE I KNOW FOR SURE NUMBER 3 IS THINKING IT

REMOVABLE DISK DRIVE FOR YOU GAMESTOP BELIEVERS

BUT LET GAMESTOP'S LITTLE SHIT FAIL IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS

THEN NO DISC DRIVE ON THE PS6

NOT LIKE MANY PEOPLE USE IT ANYWAYS

AND IF THEY CAN INCREASE THE NOTORIETY OF THE PLAYSTATION NAME BY LEAVING THE RETRO CONSOLES OUT AT A LOSS

ONLY TO CAPITALIZE ON DIGITAL COLLECTIONS ALL THE BETTER FOR SONY

SONY ALSO PATCHED THE PS3 SO ALL CURRENT MODS WOULD STOP WORKING

SO THEY REALLY WANNA CAPITALIZE ON THE WHOLE DIGITAL LIBRARIES DEAL

AS FAR AS RETRO CONSOLES GO

WELL

DK OLDIES AND EBAY DO IT BETTER

SORRY NOT SORRY 🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽

SONY TENDS TO FOCUS ON CURRENT GEN NOT PREVIOUS GENS AS FAR BACK AS TWO OR THREE GENERATIONS BACK

SO GAMESTOP NEEDS TO WORK MIRACLES TO TRY TO GET THIS OFF IT'S FEET

6:35PM 9/10

"THEY IGNORE THE MESSAGE BECAUSE THEY HATE THE MESSENGER"

SO MONEY RIGHT?

I COULD FIND A BETTER USE FOR 300,000 THOUSAND TBH

NO NOW THAT I HAVE YOU HERE

ANSWER THIS

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN THEY TAKE CONTROL OF THE MACHINE?

"OH I DON'T KNOW I'LL PROBABLY JUST LET IT GO"

OKAY CAN WE PROVE IT TODAY

LIKE RIGHT NOW

LET IT GO RIGHT NOW

600,000

WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR ALL THOSE EXCUSES EITHER

EITHER YOU CAN OR YOU CAN'T

"FUCK YOU"

GREAT ANSWER

100% ✅ SECURED

YOU FUCKING JUNKIE

SO YOU WOULD RATHER THROW AWAY ALL YOUR LIFE SAVINGS

INSTEAD OF GETTING RID OF SOME CHUMP CHANGE

YOUR WORDS NOT MINE

"YES, THAT'S HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE YOU"

NEED ANY MORE PROOF MY GUYS?

FUCK CANCEL CULTURE 24' 🇺🇲

♾️

KISS MY RING

GODDAMN MY BOY

YOU DOIN' WAY TOO MUCH

TAKING MOVING A MOUNTAIN FOR SOMEBODY LITERALLY

YOU KILLIN MY VIBE

JUST SAY IT

YOU WANNA SUCK MY DICK AND MOVE ON WITH IT

HONESTLY NOW THAT WE ARE AT THE END

THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE WAS MID

YOU'RE PULLING OUT YOUR BEST

AND I'M BORED 🥱

SO HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE PUSHED THIS FAR?

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!!"

SEE NOW I'M ENTERTAINED

😈😈😈

SHAKE MY HAND BITCH

IT'S CUSTOM HERE IN THE SOUTH

🤭🤭🤭

"BUT I STILL GOT YOU IN A CELL CAPTURED"

YEAH BUT IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ADDICTED

HONESTLY THE DOOR IS WIDE OPEN FOR YOU TO LEAVE

BUT YOU CHOOSE TO STAY HERE

SO I ASK MYSELF

HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD A JUNKIE SPEND ON HIS ADDICTION FOR TORCHER?

"NOT A CENT MORE"

GOOD THEN YOU CAN DO THE JOB YOURSELF

AND THE KID COMES WITH US

ALONG WITH YOUR LITTLE MACHINE

🙂🙂🙂

DONATIONS ARE OPEN

COLLECT 200 AT GO

-PROCEEDS TO BLUFF-

🤭🤭🤭 HORRIBLE POKER PLAYERS

HE WILL PROBABLY TRY TO GET AS CLOSE TO KILLING ME AS POSSIBLE

BUT HE AIN'T GONNA KILL ME

I 100% GUARANTEE IT

TOO MUCH OF A BITCH

😈😈😈

AN ADDICT

I SAY THE BITCH IS SOMEWHERE STUCK BETWEEN 3 AND 5

🤔🤔🤔

HUSHMOUTH?

[carli-meows]

Sentence Enhancers - TubbyTronik

Ok, class today is the day where we will be learning about sentences enhancers.

A common form of language used to deliver concentrated emphasis on emotion and intent within sentences amongst eachother.

Does anyone have any examples of these instruments? No?

Well, let's learn ya somethin' right here-

Who's fuckin' funky fresh with the sentence enhancers?

Who's funky fuckin' fresh with the sentence enhancers?

Who's fuckin' funkin' fresh with the sentence enhancers?

Who's funkin' fuckin' fresh with the sentence enhancers?

I'm a godamn conductor with the sentence enhancers,

Could go without em, but they stick together like plaster

And I'll be damned if I don't slam at least one

One this goddamn fresh ass record on our album!

A motherfucker like me with a sentence enhancer

Shut em down, bitch, I know you heard me,

I keep my motherfuckin' god damn mouth so dirty!

they gotta call me motor mouth when i walk in the room,

and mortar mouth cause i drop fuck bombs like BOOM!

is like a motherfucking riddle master vs me with only answers

the bastards jump faster than frogs around profanities ,

I'm livin' out the fog, awake, no fuckin' fantasies.

Who's fuckin' funky fresh with the sentence enhancers?

A motherfuckin MC like me with no debates

I'mm'onna keep cussin' and puttin rhymes the plate

Go'on and keep flapping your gums, yeah, we see y'all

Sentence enhancers gots two words for ya: FUCK Y'ALL

Who's funky fuckin' fresh with the sentence enhancers?

Who's fuckin' funkin' fresh with the sentence enhancers?

Who's funkin' fuckin' fresh with the sentence enhancers?

Friggety Fucketty fresh with no rest unlike the rest, but

I ain't a pussy but I'm a catty, so give that shit a rest, cunt

I be acting like the fuckin' mac, all tall blue and handsome,

I fucking am what I fucking am, so hop off my nuts, son!

Yo ho, little fake bitches wanna fuck around with this

Got half a mind, to say what's on my mind,

fuckin' 3 bitches every night or hangin' with mine?

ain't shit you can say to make me quit, i got potentialz

I'm a fag at it bitch, and my homie's homiesexual!

Who are you? Some kinda scaredy cat afraid to say fuck?

Someone who thinks a bitch like me would ever give a fuck?

Who am I? Just a bitch who could knee both your eyes, bitch

And leave you stumblin blind out the club and into a ditch, bitch

ho ho, 3 times now I'm dumpin' coal on you, bitch,

no no, you can step up to me like I'm a carnival game,

Eh-oh, yo ass was in the dunk tank all along, ya stay lame!

Who's fuckin' funky with the sentence enhancers?

Who's funky fuckin' with the sentence enhancers?

Who's fuckin' funkin' with the sentence enhancers?

Who's funkin' fuckin' with the sentence enhancers?

[the-firebird69]

and john remallard is going nuts on the phone

Zues Hera

it is due to him being arrested no. it is his men no. money yes. lost it today tons of it in court and thought it fake. is an ass. and asshole. moron too. felt ok road home with you as the cripple in the chair was mean and did not do well. was yelled at at his stop took it you oaf and he is out like a ilght. has no talking no. asshole. and he says i feel better about it ok. and then this your in on it together no. he has nohting it will stay that way iuntil we are in. your out. fn fag ok we saw it he did too you wont let him keep a thing you oaf. and he laughed your at it now and he shoved him into the building and said it you piece of shit and in a other language. and left. happy but they are at him and he provoked them and they die. he says it he hates us. this is a tentative situationa dn all. and is a clueless fer. mostly is brain dead no but a dumb asshole. mean. shit ok. and mac said it tons takeit not jst me tons and your fired ok you are you shit you fn asshole. what the hell are you doing but nothing. is aw your show first haand your crap. you dont leed draw or direct only come out talk and say stuff we said and it is ridiculous, you regurgitate. holy sh your done he is brillioant and your ntohging no comparison you oaf. nobody does the comparison you want ever but you you fag. and he slumped over slept and awoke and came here. and wlaked. is a faker too. lost it too had him left. no was stpoped by all around. no ok kknows ther eis more like a huge ship i mean really these idiots herepay they are all like hicks ok lossrs and shits...nasty shits.

he calls his. demands his money. they say it is gone. where. and threatens here. and all over. goen away. and our stuff too from here. and it left. not sure to where. and they cme took their accounts and more. said it we let him wallow. and wallow and finaly new trucks this blows lets get them. and finally the lazy shits let him shoulder it you dwindler here you farts. and they saw no. hate it see it they say it inn notes and theri computers have tracking and used it all. now they know

truthfully their whole army is busy now and hit. tons hit them have intel form teh city raids for gold. tons of it and general plan stuff its enough. the seek theout. now. and ore and more vy the hour as they lose at the gold conduits. and more. mostly die there. and speak it are assholes poor sports and not loyal and will all lose. fags too. weaklings but mostly are mean shits.

he cannot access his accounts adn then this. i am poor shorlty here. and must leave and wont be able to.

no but yeh he will be poor here. true. very poor no. but only a few hundred thousand dollars...nope but yeh no money nothing works. and does not have access to his fortunes. is cutoff. from trillions. to billions and shortly millions. tons heard it they sieze our stuff all over florida. we are doomed. and take stashes caches and wont let us down there.

but john remillard has a crisis and in court lost. to most. and is hurting yup. finally. no. has been hit like this a bit no. loses now. and can see it a little. haha lol a bit not that much. ok is a fag. and tons say it we die and all the time due to the three aholes there. and the little bitch. faggot she is. asshole she is and weont let anyone talk t him. nope. we fire them now they all say it evn her mother she is a shit h doesnt knowher ok does not for real she is not a person he related to ad has this odd delusion. and is mean. and she sys this he sees me iim toast. and to trump.

he is irritated yes. and mean. but says this we die here and dont care harrass him they come for us. keep it up no matter what anad lose ad we need out. now. tons say it tommy f is over us and wont relent is an ass. tons nd true too. he is a loser now. tons seeit.

he has ranted for an hour. now. and wont stop.

and we use it their tude.

and here it is today they lost all thier lawsuits. saat and blabbed aat lunch and we hti the bitch. she arrived again and gave him and evil look. said he says this back we are dead dead. and i died. and eh ordered her dead again she died. and they are asses. but they ost the suits. all five. and he says it if i get stuff you start winning and then they say you stay low help and like we are garth and he says garth iskin wont do it fo r him wont for you with joy shit. they dont et it lol no they do. lose though are cheap skate.s. and he says it skate on and off. they shall good leave fucker i a body bag on fire fucker. they say it we leave and do that no shit. lol ahhaha we have tobaco you die tonight. again. she siles we suck so badly ok. are mean ow to all we must leave.

and he is on it trying to access accounts. theyt ook assets landa nd mroe. the final third no. the second third yes. and all of it. no. we did take our share. tons of it yes. tons. the yplan to light it on fire. and tonight. that is their mission. and it is macs tobacco fields. you can see it we show yo. but for real the pseudo empire. took the accounts.

and yes macs cull try to cull ppl off him ike us and fail did not succeed at all last noight or ever. and we hit hard. fired o the for it and found stuff here. used it on them false flag. took it all too. and we advance on their positions and forg do too. tons of them. and misc and morock sit fag talking lose it all blameing and infighting and we take what we need. hit them hard move out.

today we took a third. of the winnings all around need to.

large accounts here in florida. and lots of them. and about half of all they had. and another third of thier assets and land both. tons of it. on it was a lot of thing ours now. ad in it. stashes and caches half of ghwb stuff yes. tons and we take the rest tonight . as they plan to light up our tobacco too.

the land is spotty. all over all of florida. and they woned half of florida for real. and we have to posess it shall and tonight. and we remove the gold adn conduit yes. and tear down defunct buildings and ubild factories or reactivate. about one third of our lands are factories. the others ten percent. we use it now move on it now. fast too. they ost two thirds of thier lands. now that means they now hve about 22% left they had a bit more left. of all of florida. and they ive on that only and john r panics and others do too. see it now weaponry at all. and we sink then. and ghwb stashes are empty. and macs are not here. only what they took and well they have half left under them. not near here no some is. a lot in sarasota. and the saay it. and fort meyers and we all go in tonight take it. as they try to burn tobacco and waste themselves. try to kidnap him by sstrapping themeselves in ad infight try to use it to cali at leaset and we take over terhe too

Thor Freya

Olympus

i am here and we rock this was awesome i saw you input work too. out then now. and they hit and i see it. they are so amned annoying. but had to see mac yell. and get angry. let him. too. anl i see who ok you need to no well ok

Hera

[awriterandabird]

not mentally ill enough to be fun for internet users to poke at, too mentally ill to be brushed off as "quirky", but just mentally ill enough to catch myself in yet another unending spiral of shame and agony!

wooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(dont press read more unless you read those tags. im warning you.)

for the love of GOD please help? stop?

earlier someone asked how they could help i told them to give me space i don't want to explode i feel like i need the opposite of space but also if anyone comes close to me i want to golf them into the sun don't talk to me. don't perceive me please talk to me. don't leave me

i wish i could channel this into something productive (not that i think anyone would want to see that. there's better artists and better art. whats one more little fag on the internet making stories about depression and derealization and autism and burnout. i don't have anything new to add.)

today i went outside and i had trouble staying in my own head

for a while i was a father struggling to keep doing his job because 'reality' around me kept feeling weird and wrong and i remember punching a hole in the wall and i heard birdsong but the birdsong was real and i was back on earth (in my body) and the vignette around my vision was tangible. a fly landed on my arm and it made me yell. i was real suddenly- the veil was gone. i walked around and i looked at some things. i saw a weed growing in the cracks of the asphalt and i saw grass growing through a circle of rocks. at the fairy tree i found a perfectly round rock and wondered what was inside. i was back in the crystal shop- the one across the water- where the ferry took us i remember the perfect little geodes they sold i was back home i remember readying that hammer only to completely fuck up the swing and ended up pulverizing most of it. but i looked and the pieces were right there at the fairy tree. i thought about art and how i would portray things if i and i was that father again and i was struggling to explain i couldn't speak at all really even in the arms of my wife i fought myself and another voice (myself) and i told myself im not real and i told myself why do i feel like im stealing something from someone else and why do i feel like my life is over but it never started and i was in the backyard looking for my cat when the gate slammed. it slammed in the wind. im real again. the sun is still out. the neighbors just came back home- i saw their car pull in. im ashamed to keep wasting time outside, so i walk back in my house

i might have gotten the order of events wrong

does it matter

does writing it down even matter

im giving the void (at first i typed "voice") a recollection of something that doest matter

recorded here for all of time, wasting space on a server, rotting, festering.

who is this for is this for myself?

wouldnt it be easier if i just told the people in my real life what was going on,

no you know what shut the fuck up.

go get a job dumbass.

..yeah i feel like a right waste of space.

"look. walk-ins accepted. you can apply here too when you apply at [x] tomorrow" "tomorrow?" "what else do you have going on in your life?" we walked down the rest of the aisle in silence. i didn't have a reply.

"whats the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?" "one can prescribe you drugs i think" "oh" we drove for 10 minutes in silence. i thought about my next question so carefully. i must have gone through dozens of iterations in that 5 minutes. i was the only one talking. during those 8 minutes i don't remember what the radio played. "which one of those two... tells you about if you have things in your head?" "what do you mean things in your head?" "like-" "like schizophrenia?" "yeah" "a psychiatrist i think. no? a psychologist. i forget" "yeah that's okay you don't know the answer, i probably should have researched myself, its kind of a lot of me to have expected you to have all the answers." "okay"

tomorrow i wake up. i have two options

>disappoint everyone (default option, no action required) >shut up, man up, get out of my room, become presentable, act Normal, interview at two different places, land a job, support the house, be a perfect functioning person

do i have an option

can i at least be a better person than writing a pathetic little vent longer than the colors of the sky. that no one cares about. that i wont care about in. fucking. whenever i can regulate my emotions again

wait will that even happen (someone made me go to type "(never)")

dear god. dear fucking lord. ive only been typing for. not long. it can't have been that long- less than half an hour- rollover just ended- but why the fuck did that person message me 6 times while im on DnD

aaaaaaaaaUGH i WANT TO GO. TO. BED.

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP TRYING TO TALK TO ME

BUT THEY NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME

7 messages

why cant we talk about nice things? i have nice things too- when i see them. in that other place. posting back and forth admiring each others stories and characters. i have that too. please. please can you talk to me

but then i swear like clockwork someone reaches out and i think no. not YOU. i want. THEM. (they don't exist) (they are a nebulous construct) what do i want. what do i fucking want. what do i care about? who do i care about?

im sorry. im so sorry. im sorry and i'll promise to respond to you. im sorry i know how it feels to be ignored i don't want to do that to you. im sorry i don't understand these things you send me. i don't understand

earlier tonight i failed once again to follow a simple request

(i keep looking up at those 7 unread messages)

i failed to follow it and i felt so. broken? useless? stupid? worthless? how can you expect someone _like me_ to get a job. to be _functional_

i dont even know if what i want to do is what i want to do anymore

all that time i spent in school. im sorry i wasted your time. im sorry im not going to amount to anything more than that. than this.

"they said they lost you in the system" "lost?? i. i submitted 3 times. under 'jay', under '[dead]', under '[last1]', under '[last1-last2]', i tried. i tried." -- "maybe they just don't want to hire me" "that's not it" "[z] got back to me that one time. do you remember?" "oh only a little-" "they said they're not hiring for night positions. even if on the website, the spot is still open. maybe if i just. replied back again and told them i'd do day anyways" "well, would you rather work at [x], or [y], or [z]?" "[y] i guess... not because i want to work in fast food but the benefits-"

the one blessing of tonight is that at least i haven't been super dysphoric. im too busy trying to claw back into my own body to be worried about whether or not it fits. i just need to be IN one

its been so hard to think of it as anything other than "the body", rather than "me". its. supposed to be "me" i think

whatever that means

my head is swimming again. i need to end this post

7 unread messages

i know i'll hit post, and i'll never see this passage again good riddance. maybe with all the bile ejected now i can actually be

something. i still dont know.

[mishy-mashy]

Black Butler (manga) incorrect quotes based on my OC cuz why not

Undercover OC at Weston is "Teddy", a Violet Wolf student and Cheslock's fag

-

Edward: What’s going on?

Cheslock: It’s a lecture. Teddy's gonna tell us everything they know about sex.

Violet, eating bread: It should be an enjoyable 20 seconds

-

Violet: Why does Teddy always do the laundry so loudly?

Cheslock: To remind everyone that no one helps him out on laundry day

Teddy, in the distance: *slams the barrel lid shut*

-

Cole: I'm sorry for being late, I ran into some complications

*Teddy runs in disheveled, with Cheslock cursing a storm behind him*

Teddy: COLE PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS!!!

Cole: *screaming as Cheslock tackles him*

-

Cheslock: I didn't know we had tomato soup today

Violet: It's microwaved ketchup.

-

Teddy, watching street lamps fall down: Cheslock, Violet! The school is burning down and it's very pretty!

-

Teddy: I enjoy reading murder mysteries

Violet, trying to be a cool senior: I've been a suspect for murder once.

-

Bluer: How did you even get in here?

Teddy: Clayton's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Teddy's front door"!

Bluer:

Clayton:

Clayton: I'll go close my window.

-

Teddy: You.. saved me. You're not a bad person. YOU'RE A HERO, AN UGLY UGLY HERO!

Violet: Call me ugly again and I'm kicking you into the street.

-

Edward, sweaty from 5PM cricket: Can I have some water?

Cheslock: *starts chugging their water*

Cheslock: *chokes from drinking too fast*

Cheslock: *spills water all over himself*

Cheslock: *accidentally knocks over the only barrel of water*

Cheslock, coughing: I don't have any water.

-

Redmond: Cole! How's your birthday been going so far?

Cole: Violet gave me a get better soon card.

Redmond: Ah, I'm glad to see you're finally getting along with the Violet House!

Cole: No. He just thinks I should be better.

-

Cheslock: Hello Violet, made anyone cry today?

Violet: No. But it’s only 2:30.

Cheslock:

Violet, now grinning: Where's Cole.

-

Teddy: Hey, Cole. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cole, sighing and resigned: I don't know. Why?

Teddy: To get to the idiot’s house.

Cole: Okay.

Teddy: Knock knock.

Cole: .. No.

Teddy: “who’s there?”

Cole: Ugh... Who’s there?

Teddy: The chicken.

Cole:

Teddy:

Teddy: *sprinting away*

Cole, taking off his shoe: YOU LITTLE-

-

*after last year's cricket tournament*

Cheslock: I hate the other houses.

Edward: Well according to this picture my sister drew of us together, that's not true.

Cheslock: You drew that.

Edward: It doesn't matter.

-

Teddy: Hello, I'm Teddy. I'm a student at Weston. They gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.

Teddy: Oh no, where'd it go

-

Greenhill: Is Cheslock always like this when he loses?

Violet: Remember what happened last year during June 4th?

Cheslock: It was an out and you know it!

-

*after another Teddy and Cheslock VS Cole incident*

Greenhill: Okay, on the count of three, I want you to apologize to each other. Ready? One.. two.. three!

Cheslock:

Cole:

Teddy:

Bluer, sighing: Now I'm just disappointed in all of you.

Violet, about Cheslock and Teddy: No, I taught them well.

Bluer, now irritated: All of you.

-

Cole, smiling: You were going to what?

Teddy: I was going to say-

Cole: What?

Teddy: Don't-

Cole: Don't interrupt me?

Teddy, about to cry: Stop cutting me off, I-

Cole: Goodness, speak clearly, Teddy!

Edward: Stop that, Cole. You'll get hurt.

Cole, gesturing to Teddy: Hurt? By this? Ahahahaha!

Cheslock, standing behind Cole with Violet, cracking his fists:

-

Greenhill, writing with a bottle of glitter glue: I'm losing it. There's blood on my hands. Dead bodies are at my feet.

-

Teddy: Happy October 32nd!

Cole: That doesn't exist.

Cheslock, with cat ears on: Not with that attitude, it doesn't.

-

Cheslock, finding a note: What’s this?

Edward: Hey, that's mine!

Cheslock: Aww, is it a love letter for your girlfrienddd?

Edward: No-

Cheslock: *opens it*

Cheslock:

Edward:

Cheslock: I can't read this.

-

Cheslock: I have very high standards, you know.

Teddy: I just came to say I made spaghetti?

Cheslock: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

Violet, knowing that Cheslock has been in love with Teddy: *angry sighing*

-

Edward: I've been watching for a while now; and I’m afraid you have updog.

Greenhill: What’s updog?

Edward: Ciel! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

-

*The day after the midnight Tea Party*

Violet: Hello. My name is Violet, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Violet: *aggressively zips bag shut*

Teddy: *confused sobbing because he doesn't know what's going on*

[hartigays]

Rafebarry Prompt for you! So what about some of Barry’s pals being over at the trailer and they’re all just like “Damn Bro” at seeing Rafe (who’s just living his best chaotic life, being Barry’s housewife/partner in crime) and Barry’s just all smug about it like “Yeah. I’m hittin’ that. Be jealous.”

tw: mature themes (drug use, sexual implications) and some homophobic language (just a comment from some loser tho)

rafe’s bike tears through swampy grass and dirt with a vengeance as he pulls into barry’s front yard, leaving tire marks in his wake.

when he pulls off his helmet, the first thing he sees are people spilling in and out of the trailer. people rafe doesn’t recognize - some of them attractive, even.

which is… infuriating, to put it lightly.

barry clearly hadn’t felt the need to keep rafe in the loop, inviting him over without informing him that half of the cut would be in attendance as well.

like, seriously, what the fuck? rafe had thought - well. he’d intended to come here to pick up some blow, and maybe, possibly, perhaps let barry have his way with him while he’s at it.

barry can’t have his way with him if half the population of north carolina is stacked up inside the trailer. and that’s just. frustrating.

rafe kind of wants to drive his bike straight through the trailer, mowing some partygoers down and end this whole shebang right here and now. but, as barry has made explicitly clear time and time again, rafe is Not Allowed to harm and/or kill people on his property.

it’s sometimes irritating, this whole thing they’ve started. this casual fling that’s maybe not-so-casual anymore considering rafe agreed to be exclusive with barry not even two days ago.

there are just. so many rules, like no maiming, or killing, or… actually, that’s about it. but that’s two rules too many. rafe doesn’t like rules, or being told what he can or can’t do.

barry is just lucky rafe likes him. kind of. sort of. somewhat.

otherwise, barry would be drifting along the bottom of the ocean somewhere, flesh being nibbled away at by fish and sharks and the like.

rafe flings his helmet towards his bike, not bothering to see if it landed anywhere convenient, before storming across the yard and shoving himself through a cluster of people to get inside the trailer.

barry is sitting on the couch, all sorts of people surrounding him, looking like he’s already fucked up beyond belief.

which is also annoying, because he was supposed to get fucked up beyond belief with rafe, then mandhandle rafe into bed to have his wicked way with him. like always.

“ayy, country club!” barry practically shouts over the noice, his accent even thicker and more drawn out than usual. “you made it!”

“yeah, barry, i made it,” rafe snaps, then sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

look, he’s not against parties or anything. actually, he’s quite in favor of them. he just… did not plan for his day to go like this.

rafe wanted barry’s full attention, which is now virtually impossible given the amount of bodies that are currently filling the room.

barry just looks at rafe with glazed eyes, leaning back casually against the couch cushions. “aw, don’t you go pouting on me ‘n shit, rafe cameron. ain’t you always down for a party or some shit like that?”

“a little heads up would’ve been nice,” rafe tells him, his temper rearing it’s ugly head again and bleeding into his voice. “look, can i just get my shit so i can get out of here?”

rafe moves around the coffee table, elbowing a few drunk idiots out of his way as he does. barry eyes him as he comes closer, before suddenly swinging one arm out and wrapping it around rafe’s waist. he ropes rafe in close enough that rafe stumbles a bit over barry’s feet, sprawling right into his lap.

“see, ain’t that more like it, country club?” barry purrs, his lips pressed against rafe’s ear.

rafe feels a shiver rocket down his spine, but also a flare of anxiety.

barry is certainly fucked up beyond comprehension, and they haven’t exactly talked about making their relationship public. rafe has no idea if this is something barry will regret in the morning and end up cutting rafe off.

but to be fair, if barry did wake up and decide to tell rafe to fuck off, rafe would probably just kill him. he might just kill him anyway, just because he feels like it.

and since barry’s inevitable death is hurtling towards them at breakneck speed, rafe might as well enjoy barry’s final moments while he can.

so he lets barry kiss him, full on the mouth, on display for the hundred or so other people milling about the room.

rafe, regrettably, makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat when he feels barry’s tongue dip into his mouth, sweeping across his own.

regrettably, because some fucking weird ass next to barry leans in close to watch. rafe can see the movement out of the corner of his eye.

but barry isn’t deterred. he might be a little encouraged, even, because he deepens the kiss even more, pressing in so close that rafe feels like they could crawl inside of each other and form one cohesive nightmare of a person.

“ain’t peg you for a fag, barry,” the guy comments, his words slurring. he burps after he speaks, and barry detaches his lips from rafe to look over at the source of the noise.

“the fuck you just say to me?” barry snaps, digging his fingers into rafe’s hips to keep him in place when rafe moves to get up, ready to just slit this guy’s throat and be done with it. “ain’t you in my damn house, fuckass? who the fuck you think you’re talkin’ to?”

“hey, man, didn’t mean no offense,” the guy says, raising his hands in mock surrender before burping again. “jus’ askin’.”

“getcho’ dumbass out my house, bro,” barry tells him, removing one hand from rafe’s hips for only a moment, just to shove the guy out of his seat.

the still nameless man just shrugs, gulping down the remnants of his beer before getting up and disappearing into the crowd.

“i think you guys are cute,” a girl giggles from where she’s seated, across from the couch rafe and barry are currently planted on.

barry looks up at rafe, and it’s almost fond and god, that’s disgusting. rafe wants to soak himself in it, let it marinate until it’s deeply ingrained in every fiber of his being.

“sho’ are,” barry agrees with her, still looking up at rafe. he’s got one hand beneath rafe’s shirt now, nails raking over his back.

rafe shudders, wishing he could dissolve every person in this room right this very moment so he can curl up inside barry and make a home there.

“gotta say, ‘m a little jealous, man,” some other guy pipes up from barry’s other side.

rafe looks over at him, one brow arched, finding the guy staring right back as he hits some sort of pipe.

probably filled with meth, based on the state of the guy’s teeth.

classy.

“guess you just gon’ have to be jealous, then,” barry tosses back, not bothering to spare the guy a glance before returning his mouth to rafe’s.

the party comes and goes, faster than rafe anticipated, but that maybe can be attributed to the fact that barry keeps rafe glued to him at all times, practically devouring him every chance he can get, and showing him off to every person who happens to look their way.

rafe will admit, it’s a little satisfying, knowing how proud barry is to have staked his claim. he’s surprised that he’s so okay with barry being so possessive of him, too.

rafe cameron normally does not like the idea of being owned by anyone or anything. at least, he hadn’t up until now.

at this point, he’s pretty sure he’d let barry put a dog collar on him that reads property of barry the coke dealer, without complaint.

now, lounging in barry’s bed, sweat-soaked and panting, rafe sparks a blunt. he takes a long hit and passes it to barry.

“you did this on purpose,” rafe says, knowingly.

barry just grins up at the ceiling like a shark, shrugging as he hits the blunt.

“you’re pretty, rafe cameron. and you’re mine,” barry tells him, passing the weed back. “what’s it hurt to show off a little? you ain’t die or nothing.”

“never said it was a bad thing,” rafe snorts. “just maybe give me a little warning next time you plan to parade me around as your trophy wife.”

“like you ain’t get off on all them people talking ‘bout how jealous they are that i get to have you.”

barry has a point, rafe will admit. not out loud, mind you, but still. in the quiet of his mind, where no one else can hear, he agrees with barry wholeheartedly.

“can you blame them? i mean, look at me,” rafe says with a snooty little sniff, running a hand along his jaw. “you landed yourself a masterpiece. people are gonna notice.”

“you so damn full of yourself, country club,” barry snorts. “imma have to knock that ego down a peg. i been too nice to you.”

“says the guy whose ego grew ten times larger just by being a show-off about his boyfriend.”

barry rolls over onto his side, watching rafe hit the blunt with heavily-lidded eyes. “boyfriend, huh? ain’t we a bit old for that?”

“you literally called me your boyfriend like, fifty times today. do not even- ”

barry shuts him up mid-sentence by taking the blunt from rafe’s hand and putting it out on the ashtray next to the bed, tangling his fingers in rafe’s hair, and pulling him in for a kiss that’s all tongues and teeth.

rafe wanted to finish his sentence, had planned on finishing it, but barry doesn’t give him the chance. not with the way he’s kissing him right now.

within a matter of moments, rafe forgets what he was planning to say in the first place. but whatever, he’s fucking tired, barry feels good and smells good and tastes good. so what if he’s a trophy wife, so what if he may or may not get off on people being jealous that barry gets to date him. to own him.

it’s all arbitrary.

instead of figuring out what he was going to say, rafe breaks away from barry’s lips, fastening his mouth to barry’s neck and biting down.

his teeth sink in deep, and he hopes with everything he has left in him that it leaves a scar.

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#200

“Did I hear you right? You are looking to retrieve a package from a Dennis Moore for your boss? Do you have all the necessary money? Hand it over. Did you include a copy of the ATM receipt from your bank? Good. Looks to be all here. Now strip....

“You want that package to bring back to your boss, lose every stitch of clothing. I want to make sure you are not wearing any wires. Don’t worry no one will know you are gay. Oh don’t give me that look of shock. You’ve been checking me out. I have been on this planet for well over fifty years. I can spot a sperm burper when I see one. If you are not gay, you have either played around with other men or you have wanted to. Everything off means your underwear too. And that hard on of yours should dispense with any further discussion about you not being a fag who’s attracted to me. Yeah, don’t worry, I like using faggots like you. Damn, those are some big balls.

“Let me remove my clothes too. I usually walk around my property naked, but gardening does require some clothing. The nearest neighbor is just under a mile away. See. Being naked is very normal around here. Go on check out my cock. It’s average in size, but it serves me well. Nobody has ever complained about it. As we walk to my work cabin, you can check out my ass; your tongue will be spending a lot of time in there.

“You don’t speak much, I like that. Keep it up. Before we get into fucking, I have to ask what you did to piss off your boss. Bitch, no one willingly drives up one side of a mountain, especially that road after a six-hour drive from the city. Either you screwed up royally, or you stole from him. And let’s dispense with the façade that your boss is anything but a member of a crime organization. Those are the only types of clients I serve. I don’t need nor want to know any names—neither theirs nor yours. You’ll be bitch or fag or cunt or whatever, and you will call me Sir.

“Here we are at my work cabin. This is where you are going to be for a few days. Yeah, well I want to use you all weekend. When was the last time you spent the weekend getting your ass stretched by a hot man like me? There’s no way I will let you drive down the mountain with the sun setting in an hour. That road is dangerous during the day; at night it’s deadly. Check out the view. I put this cabin here for that view of the brook, the trees, and the mountain. Nothing better in life than fucking a fag’s cunt and looking out at that spectacular view out of my floor-to-ceiling windows. While there’s a toilet inside, there’s an outdoor shower around back. There’s a douche hose there. Get cleaned out. You do know how to douche out? Good. Good. Take as much time as you need to get squeaky clean, and I want a deep clean. I do not like dealing with fag mud. I’ll be getting the cabin ready. I really wasn’t expecting your visit today. I’ll be back in a bit. I expect you to run clean four times in a row….

“…It’s been a while now, you had four clean flushes? Good. Good. Before we go in, on your knees; I have to take a piss. Don’t look at me like that. This is not up for discussion. Now. Look, every client that sends up a runner to collect packages knows that I have very specific needs. I will fuck anyone who steps foot on my property, man or woman, fag or bitch however I see fit. That’s why they only send the pieces of shit that screwed them over. They only want my specialized services, and they don’t give a shit about me using your holes. And you mean nothing to them, and less to me. So get the fuck on your knees and drink my piss. I’ll even take it slow for you. That’s better. Open your mouth. Don’t suck, drink. Fuck yeah. See. See. You are a natural urinal. Ok. Ok. I hear it gets better every time.

“Get inside. See this is pretty much a fuck room. Sling over there, fuck bench, rim seat. All the fun stuff. Here put these ankle and wrist cuffs on. You fags are always the most compliant. I appreciate that. It always makes giving you a black eye more difficult. You heard me right. Look at me! Bam! I got you. I got you. Just lie back on the table. You are a bit shaken. Makes securing you down a lot easier. I could have just asked you to lie down, but black eyes are always given to those asking about Dennis Moore. Notice that it’s plural. You will get the other eye done when you leave in a few days.

“There! Arms and legs are secure. You are going nowhere. I love high tech. With this panel of buttons, I can lift your legs up and spread them real wide. That really provides total access to that beautiful pussy of yours. When I’m done with it, it will be a gaping cunt. And damn, those balls or yours are fucking huge. They need to be out of the way. This tiny ball stretcher should do the job. It’s going to pinch… a lot. It’s the tiny ones that really cause the most pain. Now if you didn’t have such large balls, it wouldn’t hurt as much. So the pain is really your fault. Securing them to the ceiling to pull them tight should double your pain real good.

“There you are set up—nice, secure, and totally helpless. Damn I did a good job. Let me get a pic of this. And now one from your perspective. And a close up of your black eye. That one’s going to be real nasty. I can see you are still a bit woozy. It doesn’t matter; you’ll be knocked unconscious in about a minute. Look out at the setting sun. Ain’t that pretty? Take a good look at it. In a moment my arm will be going up your ass. In fact, I’m going past the elbow with my fist making its way deep up in you descending colon. And an unconscious asshole offers no resistance when taking an arm as big as mine. I like telling you bitches what I’m about to do as your look of terror gets my dick hard. I see you’re no different. That’s it! Go on and cry. I’ll use your tears for lube when my arm goes in your ass. Good.

“Now, the other thing my arm does is wrap around your neck and restrict the air to your lungs, like this. Struggle all you want; it will only make you lose your consciousness sooner. Your face is turning purple. Shh shh shh shh. You will be out soon. Just accept it. There you go, …and you are out. Good boy! Have a good sleep.

“Time to get in that ass. Damn those big balls are starting to turn a deep purple too, and they are nice and tight. Fuck yeah…. I know you are out but damn boy! This ass has seen its share of dicks. All the way in. There’s the sigmoid.… Fuck this is a nice pussy….

“…You are starting to come to…. Welcome back to consciousness. Yes that’s my arm up your ass. I could be in here all night. But I really should get to that package from Dennis Moore for your boss. I’m gonna pull out. You are going to feel empty. Are you with me? Yeah you are coming around. I got this plug that will be locked in. It’s about the same size as my arm, about 5 inches in diameter. I want you stretched out to the point of not being useful. This is the plug. Huge fucker. You are going to have this in you at all times, whenever my arm isn’t. Well! That went in easy. Such a pretty sight. So helpless.

“OK as I wash up, let me tell you about your predicament. You were sent here by your boss, whoever he is, and asked a man you don’t know the name of for a package from Dennis Moore to bring back to your boss. I kinda mentioned it before, but Dennis Moore doesn’t exist. It’s more of a code word to me as to what services I am to provide you. If you had asked for Paul Rose, you would have been fisted and your ass would have been destroyed. I’m kinda doing that now as a bonus. My arm is so hungry at times. Lee Jones would have gotten you branded. Each name has its established price that the recipient always pays upon arrival, like you did. For Dennis Moore, which for some reason has become more popular, I have to be extra careful as it takes a little move skill than the others. One that I first learned as a boy on my family’s farm.

“And we begin with this flick of my scalpel. Just like that your scrotal sack has been opened. A quick massage to your sack, and your balls are exposed. A second flick and you hear that? Those are your balls falling into this bowl. Yeah I learned as a boy to castrate bulls. The key is doing it fast and to use a castration ring. That band I put around your balls was designed for livestock. It lessens the pain and cuts the blood from flowing.

“Hey, quit your crying; it’s fucking over. It’s done. No going back. Don’t worry, I’m gonna let you keep your empty sack as a constant reminder that you are no longer a man. I’m also going to suture you up. I may have lost my medical license, but I still have the knowledge. Damn these balls are huge! They will be preserved and then encased in acrylic. And that will be the Dennis Moore package your boss will be expecting. I’ll have it nicely wrapped up in a pretty package for him. Let’s get you closed up here, and I will get you to bed. Lot’s of resting for you now. A few pain pills too. I may be an evil prick, but I’m not a monster.”

[irrationallyrunning]

'Runaway by AURORA' story, Part 5

The Field becomes our new spot, as the beach was before. It's closer to my village but farther from Callistus's cottage. I point this out to him one day, that it was unfair to him that he had to travel farther. He just kisses me, and then says, "I get to see you. It's worth it."

People say that you fall in love. I didn't just fall though. I plummeted, I dove head first into it. I jumped and didn't look back. Because I knew he would catch me.

We talk less now. Our lips are otherwise occupied.

I need to talk to him today though. However, when I get to The Field, I don't see him. His blanket is there, and his shoes. I open my mouth to call his name, when a warm, solid body hits mine from behind, and I tumble to the ground in his arms, my face being covered in kisses. I return them. Then I prop myself up on my elbow.

"Callistus," I say.

"Ethan," he says.

"I need to tell you something," I say.

"So tell me," he says, but his hands are tracing invisible lines on my forearm.

"Um..." I stammer, and he looks up at me, smirking.

"All right, enough!" I say, pulling away rather unwillingly. His smirk widens.

"I do actually need to talk to you about something," I say, trying to stay serious.

"Of course, love, anything," Callistus says. Ugh, how am I supposed to stay focused when he calls me 'love'? He is listening now though.

"There are rumors being spread around town," I start, "about two boys... well, being more than friends,"

"Is this important to you?" Callistus asks. I love this about him, how he wants to know what's important to me, what I care about.

"Yes, it is," I say. "My parents don't know about....us." I hesitate. "Or about me, um, liking boys."

Callistus frowns. "Has anyone ever followed you here?" He asks.

"I don't recall anyone," I say, but then again, I wasn't very aware of my surroundings when I was walking, as my thoughts were preoccupied by who was waiting for me in The Field.

"It's just a rumor though," I say, more to reassure myself than anything.

"Nobody knows, love. You're safe." He says.

"Enough talking then," I say, and curl myself into Callistus's embrace.

........

As I walk home later, I try to imagine Callistus's home. A small cottage, he said, with blue flowers growing along the edges. A garden visible from the kitchen window. The second stair on the porch creeks when you step on it, he said. He also said he'd show me it one day.

The village is filled with the smell of cooking fish when I get back.

I know somethings up when I reach my house. My father is standing in the doorway.

"Welcome home, son," he says, and steps aside for me to enter. I nod and smile. What's going on? Does he know the rumor is true?

We sit down for supper, and my father breaks the uncomfortable silence growing between him, my mother, and I.

"So any girls caught your eye in the village? You're getting close to marrying age," he says. I nearly choke on my food, but manage to shake my head.

"No? Well, I'm sure one will eventually," he says. More silence.

"Did you hear about that rumor going around?" He says.

My heart skips a beat.

"Old Jenner from the blacksmiths says there's a boy that leaves almost everyday, and he used to go to one of those little beaches down the shore, and meet up with another boy," he pauses to take a bite of food. "Says they were holding hands among other things."

The food tastes like sand in my mouth.

"Did he know who they were?" My mother asks.

"He said one of the boys from our village, and that orphaned kid that lives inland," my father shakes his head. "First he becomes a bastard, then a fag-"

"His name is Callistus, and he's a good person!" I burst. My parents wear equal expressions of surprise.

"You know him?" My father asks warily. I can see the wheels spinning in his head. I take a breath. My heart is racing.

"Yes, and I love him too,"

Click. The wheels in his head snap into place.

"Oh, Ethan," my mother sighs, disappointment written all over her face.

"You're the boy who's been meeting him," my father says. I nod.

"Ethan and I need to talk. Alone." He says to my mother. She has barely slipped out the door when his fist cracks across my face. I stumble backwards from my chair.

"I will not," he says as he advances on me. "have a son like that," Crack. His backhand on my face. "You are meant for a girl," My head snaps back as his fist strikes me again. Again. Again. I crumple to the floor. "This is for you," he says. A kick to my ribs. "You'll thank me for this one day," he says. One more kick at my ribs, and then he leaves me alone on the kitchen floor.

It hurt. Everything hurt so much. I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and hissed when it touched where it had split. I could feel bruises already forming.

Would they do this to Callistus if they found him? No, no. Spare him. Please

Callistus. I would go to him. His cottage. I could make it there, couldn't I? I knew the way.

I managed to get upright and stumbled to the door. It was getting dark out now.

I staggered through town, keeping an eye out in case my father or someone else tried to follow me.

I needed to go faster. It was getting dark fast. I started to run. Every step sent a burst of pain through my ribs. I wanted to stop, but I kept running, for a soft place to fall.

Down the shore. Up the path. Through the trees. Everything passed by in a daze.

There it is. His cottage. I can see the outline of the garden, and through the window, Callistus is silhouetted by the light. He sits at a small table. Relief shoots through me.

I lurch my way up the stairs. The second one does creak. I knock, and then fall against the post beside it.

Callistus cracks the door open, and when he sees me, he throws it open wide.

"I've got no other place to go," I mumble.

"Ethan, what are you doing here?" He asks, and when the light from inside falls on me, he gasps, and his eyes go wide with panic. He pulls me inside.

It's cozy. I see bits and pieces of Callistus in the rugs, the furniture, the dishes on the counter.

He half-carries me to a small but comfortable bed. He rushes to grab bandages and ice. He dabs my split lip with something that smells like earl gray tea and sea salt.

"Can I stay here tonight?" I croak.

"You are not going anywhere," he says. "So, yes,"

The little composure he had cracks. "Ethan, oh Ethan," he covers my face in little kisses, and very gently, over my bruises.

"You can stay. You can stay," he says.

I am safe here with Callistus. I sink into sleep, Callistus still holding my hand.

...................................................................................................

Thanks for reading! The 6th and final part will be posted in a couple days.

[k-k-keroppi]

A wedding goes wrong right

I was thinking about that video where henry shields talks about what’s planned for season two, and he mentioned we see more personal bits of the characters, and I thought how cool would it be if max and sandra got married and then almost immediately thought Goes Wrong Wedding!! so I wrote it :) I’m not the greatest fic writer but whatever. Sorry for the cheesy ending and also (spoiler not spoiler) the reason is because he can’t remember what room he’s in, but I couldn’t work that in. enjoy. 

“Are you nervous?” Annie and Ness sat in the room dressed in beautiful blue dresses, smiling as their friend adjusted her veil.  “I think so.”  “You think so?” Annie asked, and Sandra looked round at them.  “I just feel bubbly, it’s a lot.”  Ness got up from the cream sofa and perched next to Sandra, looking at her in the mirror. “Oh, of course it’s a lot, but it’s a good thing!” Annie joined them on Sandra’s other side, putting a careful hand on her shoulder. “Yeah, soon you’ll be Mrs Bennett, and all this stress will be worth it.” Sandra smiled. “Oh, I know. I can’t believe I’m marrying Max.” She turned to look at them both. “And thank you, for being the most wonderful bridesmaids.” The women embraced, and as they separated Sandra dabbed at her eyes carefully. “Oh I can’t ruin my makeup.” she said, and Annie handed her a tissue.  “I wouldn’t worry.” she said. “You could go down the isle in full zombie FX and Max wouldn’t care.” Sandra smiled, and looked round as someone knocked at the door. “Who is it?” Two women’s voices replied.  “Only us!” “Oh it’s mum and auntie Diana.” Sandra jumped up and opened the door to a flurry of kisses. “Hi mum, hi auntie.” “Hello darling, oh you look beautiful.” “Thank you mum.”  Diane and her sister sat down, and the women talked and drank champagne, and prepared for the big event. 

“Chris, can you do my bow tie?”  “Of course Max.” The men stood facing each other, surrounded by Dennis, who was perched on the bed, and Trevor, who was sat uncomfortably on a footstool. Robert was at the little table, working on something on a laptop.  “Not long left. How’re you feeling? There.” Max admired his bowtie in the mirror. “I’m doing okay actually. I thought I’d be more nervous.” “You’ll probably be nervous just as walk out, and forget all your vows and things.” Everyone but Robert turned to look at Dennis, and he shrugged helpfully. “It’s what always happens to me.” Max looked in the mirror and straightened his tie again, grinning.  “Max, mate,” said Trevor, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Do we all have to be dressed so formal? Only-” “Trevor, we’ve talked about this.” said Chris sharply. ““Your jeans are not appropriate for the wedding.” “Well it’s Max’s wedding Chris, not yours.” Max shook his head. “Sorry Trevor, I want everything to be perfect, for Sandra.” Chris noted the worry that crossed Max’s face. “Max, Sandra will be happy no matter what, so long as she’s marrying you. That’s all that matters, the-” “Ah ha!” Chris glared over his shoulder. “Robert, I was talking.”  Robert waved his hand. “Doesn’t matter. I finally finished it, I am officially ordained.”  Dennis gasped inaudibly. “Your honor.”  “No Dennis, it doesn’t work like that. And what do you men you’re ordained, I’m officiating, Max asked me weeks ago.” “Oh well, since I’ve gone to the trouble of filling out the form-” “The same form I already filled out! You aren’t-” “Guys!” shouted Max, a little louder than he intended, and everyone turned to look at him. “I wanted you both to do it, cause I look up to you both so much. I just didn’t want it to turn into a competition.” Chris and Robert looked a little ashamed.  “We’re sorry Max.” said Chris. “We’ll do our best.” Max smiled again, then looked around. “Where’s Jon?” “Oh I’m sure he’ll be back in a moment, he only went to the loo.” said Robert. “And to get me some fags.” Chris glared at Trevor. “I’m not gonna smoke them in the ceremony.” he said defensively.  “He’s probably chatting up a bridesmaid.” supplied Dennis. “What, Annie and Ness?” asked Max, and Dennis looked confused.  “What about Sandra’s sisters?” “She doesn’t have any sisters.” said Robert, and Dennis’ frown deepened. “Well wherever he is, I’m sure he’ll turn up.” reassured Chris, ending the discussion.  “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Okay, how’re we doing?” asked Annie, slipping back into her old stage manager role.  “Flowers are fixed, but I’m still having trouble with this confetti canon.” said Trevor, thumping the offending instrument with the heel of his hand. “I think I’m gonna have to take it apart.” Fine, just don’t let Sandra see.” Trevor carried the tube away, and Sandra walked in, on the phone. “Oh I hope she gets better soon, of course I understand. See you soon.” She turned to Annie. “My niece is sick, she can’t be the flower girl!” Annie snapped her fingers. “Don’t worry, I’ve got an idea.” “Thank you.” sighed Sandra in relief, holding Annie’s hand gratefully.  “Oh, Max, you’d better go.” she said, and Sandra dashed away, holding her skirt carefully off the ground. “Anything I can do to help Annie?” asked Chris, appearing behind her. “Yes actually, the cake’s being delivered in a minute, could you go and look after it? I don’t trust Nancy.” “Of course.” Chris left in the direction of the car park.  “Oh, Chris!” she called after him, and he turned around. “You haven’t seen Jon, have you?” Chris shook his head and left the hall, leaving Annie to talk to Max. “How’re you doing, okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine. You seen Sandra?” “You can’t see her, it’s bad luck!” “Oh yeah.” Max fiddled nervously with his cufflinks, and Annie looked at him pityingly. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want to sit down for a moment?” Max nodded, and Annie put an arm round him. “Dennis!” she called as he crossed the hall. “Could you do me a favour and and queue up the bridal music on the laptop, it’s the first one on there.” she said, pointing to a computer in the corner. Dennis gave a thumbs up. “Oh, and I need another favour-”

“Oh my god.” said Ness, looking at the cake. “What happened?” “I know.” said Chris. “He said there were roadworks on the main route, so he had to take a residential road and there were speed bumps. It doesn’t look good, does it. Still, the wedding planner said that pillar should hold until they cut it.” “Annie doesn’t trust that Nancy.” said Ness darkly.  “I’ve heard.” Chris looked at Ness. “You haven’t seen Jon, have you?” Ness looked surprised. “I thought he was with you?” “No, he’s just vanished. No-one seems to know.” “I’m sure he’s fine.” said Ness. “I’m just off to the loo.” she said, and trotted away, in her heels with one last grimace at the cake. Chris wandered back into the hall. “What?” he murmured as he passed a supply cupboard, listening to the muffled thumps from inside. Opening the door, he looked in confusion at Annie and Trevor, wedged amongst the buckets and brooms, Annie holding the confetti canon against her chest, Trevor attempting to ram a large spring into it. They both froze and looked at him. “Alright Chris.” said Trevor, and Chris just shut the door and left them to it.  “Ah, Chris,” said Robert, approaching with a stack of cue cards in him hand. “Which bits of the ceremony do you want to do? I’m personally very keen on ‘If anyone here today has any reason that these two should not be joined, under God, then please-’” “Well, I think we should just take in turns.” interrupted Chris deliberately. “I’ll speak, then you speak, and we’ll just go like that.” “Yes, that sounds sensible. Me then you then me then you, and so on.” Chris looked at his tersely. “Yes, me then you.” “Me then you, that’s right.” They glared at each other politely until Dennis interrupted. “Chris, Chris.” “What is it Dennis?” Dennis looked stricken. “Annie wanted me to queue up the music, but I don’t know which track it is.” “Well what did she say?” “She said the first one, but there are two..” “Well it’ll be the top one Dennis, the very first one.” Dennis nodded and ran back to the computer.  “We should get ready then.” “Mm.” Chris and Robert made their way to the front o the hall, Annie and Trevor tumbled out of the cupboard, and Max met Chris and Robert at the lectern.  “In they come.” said Chris, pointing to the guests filing. Max straightened his tie.  “Okay.” “Good luck.” said Robert, putting his hand on his shoulder. 

Max stood smartly at the front of the hall, looking expectantly down the isle. The large doors opened, and Dennis skipped awkwardly down the isle, tossing flowers from a tiny wicker basket. Once he reached Max he solemnly handed him the basket, which Chris took and hastily threw behind him. Hesitantly, as though waiting for someone to tell him not to, Dennis made his way to the computer. Everyone turned their gaze back to the door, and Sandra and her father crossed the threshold as everyone rose. Dennis hastily pressed a button on the computer, and the speakers crackled to life.  “No, I’m just saying, I’m just saying-” came Robert’s slurred voice over the speakers, and Robert froze.  “No-one wants to hear about Denise, Robert, it’s Max’s stag do.” came Chris’ reply, and Robert mimed cutting his throat. Dennis pressed another button, and the audio sped ahead. “I just love her so much.” Max’s voice was teary, and he glared at Dennis with panicked eyes. Sandra and her dad stood a quarter way down the isle, looking around in confusion.  “I know mate.” Trevor’s voice was wobbly over the speakers. “Dennis, why are you recording?” “Oh, am I recording?” Annie rushed over and hit another button, and the recording was replaced by Vivaldi. She hurried back and took her position behind Sandra, and the party continued down the isle. Sandra’s dad handed Sandra over to Max, and took his seat, smiling.  “Ladies and gentlemen-” began Chris and Robert together. “Ladie- Ladies an-”. Chris sighed. “Robert.” he said, waving him on. Robert nodded grandly.  “Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate the...” Robert trailed off in apprehension, and everyone followed his gaze to the back corner, where Jonathon was trying to prize the window open. Ness put her hand on Annie’s arm and snuck round the outside of the room to the window. Robert continued. “To celebrate the union of Sandra Wilkinson and Max Bennett. I believe you’ve prepared-” “The safety catch is stuck, you’ll just have to squeeze through.” “Vows! I believe you’ve prepared vows.” “Yes.” Sandra turned to Max. “Max, I’m so happy to be marrying you.” Jon grunted from the window. “I think you’ll have to speak up.” advised Chris quietly, and Sandra nodded. The vows were said loudly, over the sounds of Ness pulling Jon through a gap in the window, and by the end there was barely a dry eye in the room.  “That was lovely.” said Robert. “Now, do you Sandra, take Max to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do.” “Good. And do you Max, take Sandra to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “I do.” “Excellent. So unless anyone has a reason that they should not be married...” The room was quiet, save for Jon and Ness straining at the window. “Then by the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” As Max and Sandra embraced, Robert turned to Chris. “Thank you for letting me have it Chris. It means a lot.” “I know. You did it very well actually. Maybe I should find a reason to cast you as a vicar?” “Or let me direct-” “Or cast you as a vicar.” “Ah!” With a panicked shout, Jon finally fell through the window and collapsed on top of Ness. They hastily stood up and applauded their friends with wide smiles on their faces. Trevor readied the confetti canon, and as Max and Sandra turned to walk down the isle he switched, intending to shower the couple in tiny paper hearts. As he turned it on, the spring launched out and flew across the room. Sandra shrieked, and the spring struck Jon squarely in the chest, sending him stumbling back against the window. Under his weight, the safety catch released, and the window swung wide open, and Jon toppled out onto the gravel. This his weight gone, the window swung shut again, clicking into place just as Jon struggled upright. He looked forlornly through the glass. Ness stepped forward to re-open the window, and as the safety catch re-engaged Jon just sighed despairingly. Max and Sandra carried on, at Ness’s insistence, and the room followed them into the other room.

They all sat at their correct tables, Max and Sandra at the front, and as Ness and Jon crept in and took their seat Chris stood up. “Before all the main speeches start, I’d just like to say a little something.” he said. “Max and Sandra, it’s been a privilege to know and work with both of you. I remember your first kiss, on the set of Peter Pan, and your proposal in a Christmas Carol. It’s nice to know that, despite the disasters, and the lawsuits, and the many, many hospitalizations, that at least one good thing has come from Cornley. I wish you both a long a happy life.” “Thank you Chris.” smiled Sandra. The rest of the speeches were equally sweet, both families wanting to wish the pair well. Robert’s speech was a little odd, but the sentiment was sweet, and it was appreciated. By the end, the atmosphere was very warm, and it continued all through dinner. Once the plates were cleared away, everyone was talking good naturedly amongst themselves. “Oh, we need to do the cake!” said Max, and they got up. Everyone followed them to the little round table, and Chris and Ness shared a worried look.  “Oh.” Sandra looked at the cake, that was leaning dangerously. “Well, it’ll still taste just as good.. And it’s the symbolism more than anything, isn’t it, the two of us working together, becoming a team...” As Sandra spoke, the cake slid slowly off the bottom layer.  “Ah!” Max leant forward and caught the cake, squishing icing on his forearms. “I’ve got the cake.” he said, a little confused as to what to do with it. Sandra took the fork from the table and scooped a bit of cake from the pile in Max’s hands. She fed it to Max, and took a bit herself, smiling. “Mm, you were right.” she said, as Chris helped Max scoop the cake onto a plate. “This one is nicer.” Max grinned.  “Okay,” he said, turning to everyone else. “I need to get cleaned up, and you you need to do... things.. So I’ll see you at the reception!”

The reception was equal parts glamourous and exciting. The sophisticated decorations glittered under the bright party lights, and everyone had a wonderful time. The first dance was beautiful, and went off without a hitch. There was a little incident later with 5 6 7 8, when Trevor and Chris collided quite violently, and later in the evening when the karaoke started things began to get interesting. Annie and Trevor sang a fairly drunk rendition of Back in Black, Robert sang a very drunk version of Feel like a woman, and Dennis sang The holly and the ivy, which confused everyone. Sandra and Max joined in with Summer loving, prompting everyone else to sing too. When everyone finally left to sleep, everyone was drunk and happy.  “Come on Mrs Bennett.” said Max, and he lifted Sandra in his arms.  “Come on Mr Wilkinson- oh!” she giggled. “That’s not how that goes” Max carried up the stairs to their room, stepping over Dennis who was curled in the corner, and they made their way to married life. 

[hopelikethemoon]

Family You Choose (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Family You Choose Rating: PG-13 Length: 3800 Warnings:  Period Typical Sexism and Homophobia (including the use of a slur). But with Family Fluff.  Notes: You can find the Maybe Today, Maybe Forever Timeline here. Set November 1997. Summary: Thanksgiving in Laredo. 

Taglist:  @grapemama​​  @seawhisperer​​​ @huliabitch​​​ @pedropascalito​​​ @rogrsnbarnes​​​ @thewallpapergoesorido​​​ @twomoonstwosuns​​​ @gooddaykate​​​ @livasaurasrex​​​ @ham4arrow​​​ @hiscyarika​​​ @plexflexico​​​ @readsalot73​​​ @hdlynn​​​ @lokiaddicted​​​ @randomness501​​​ @fioccodineveautunnale​​​  @roxypeanut​​​ @just-add-butter​​​ @snivellusim​​​ @amarvelousmandalorian​​​ @lukesrighthand​​​ @historynerd04​​​ @mrsparknuts​​​ @synystersilenceinblacknwhite​​​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​​​ @exrebelshocktrooper​​​ @awesomefandomsunited​​ @ah-callie​​​ @swhiskeys​​​ @lady-tano​​​ @beskar-droids​​​ @space-floozy @cable-kenobi​​​​ @longitud-de-onda​​​ @cool-ultra-nerd​​​ @himbopoes​​​ @findhimfives​​​ @pedrosdoll​​​ @seeking-a-great--perhaps​​​ @frietiemeloen​​​ @arrowswithwifi​​​ @random066​​​ @uncomicalhumour​​​ @heather-lynn​​​ @domino-oh-damn​​​ @cyarikaaa​​ (if I forget to tag you, I’m sorry)

You brought your beer bottle to your lips as you watched Javier across the party hall. He had spent the last couple of hours showing Sofía to his aunts and uncles, while Josie made a valiant vy for attention by wowing her relatives with her ability to sing the alphabet in both English and Spanish. 

Javier seemed so at ease with them. You still remembered the first time he brought you to Laredo. Everything you owned had been shipped from Colombia to a storage facility in San Antonio, then packed into the back of the minivan you’d rented at the airport. It was surreal to think about how Laredo had been the first leg of your journey to Miami. A place that truly felt like home now. 

“When you mentioned his extended family, I think I pictured a couple aunts and uncles, maybe a handful of cousins.” Monica said as she leaned towards you, “This looks like the entire town is here.” 

You glanced around the party hall with a shrug, “This is relatively small.”  You admitted as you looked towards her then. “We came here for Christmas last year. A bunch of his mother’s family came up from Mexico and it was packed.” You gestured towards the back of the hall, where a line of glass double doors covered the wall. “We had all of those open and the back area was filled with tables. Luckily it was in the upper sixties.” 

“From all the stories told about his childhood, you would never think that Javier has this huge extended family.” Monica grabbed her own bottle of beer, taking a swig as she looked around the room. “Okay, so is she here?”

“Yeah.” You snorted, nodding your head. “Don’t make it obvious.” You told her with a conspiratorial whisper. “Three tables behind me. Teased blonde hair and festive jumper.” 

Monica covered her mouth to keep from laughing as she looked back at you. “I’m sorry, but I can’t picture Javier with her.” She made a face. “She’s even got her husband in a matching sweater!” 

“Shhh.” You warned her, leaning back against your chair as you laughed. “I know exactly where she picked those up too. I taunted Javier with the set at JCPenneys last week.” 

“And how did that go over?”

“He threatened to shave off the mustache.” 

Her brows shot upwards, “No!” 

“He spoils all my fun.” You tsked, shaking your head as you curled your fingers around the beer bottle. “He’d look terrible without the ‘stache.” Your eyes wandered back towards where he was, smirking as you met his gaze. Sofía had been passed off to an older woman who you were fairly certain was one of his second cousins and Josie was sitting in his lap talking up a storm about God only knew. Javier grinned at you, brushing his fingers over the top of Josie’s curly head. 

“Hey,” You turned towards Monica. “Do you think you can hold down the table without me?” 

Monica arched a brow, “I could be convinced.” 

“I’ll bring you back another cupcake.” You offered as you finished off your beer and got up from your seat. 

“Fine. Fine.” She urged, waving you off. 

You headed towards the circular table that Javi was seated out, grabbing a chair from the table beside it as you settled down next to him. “Having fun?” You questioned, draping your arm over his shoulders as you leaned towards him. 

“More or less.” He chuckled, gesturing towards Josie. “This one is going to be the life of the party when she gets older.” 

“I have no doubt.” You glanced down at her with a barely concealed grin. “She clearly gets that from me.” You teased, “Sofía’s got that grumpy Peña face.” 

Javier rolled his eyes. 

“Am I wrong?”

“No.” He conceded with a shrug. “And she’s got Pops wrapped around her finger, same as Josie.” 

You rested your cheek against his shoulder, “What can I say? My girls like their Peñas.” 

“Mommy!” Josie clapped her hands together as she turned towards you, now that her Great Tía had left the table she needed to entertain someone who would listen to her.

“What’s up, kiddo?” You questioned as you looked down at her. 

“Can I go play with the other kids?” 

You noticed the way Javier tensed at her question. You arched a brow as you exchanged a look with him, “Did daddy already say ‘no’?” 

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “Loraine’s kids were over there playing and…” He shrugged. “I didn’t want to get into it.”

“It’s fine.” You brushed your fingers over the back of his neck. “Josie, you can go play. Just be nice and remember to share.” 

“Okay mommy!” She said as she slid off Javier’s lap. You watched her as she weaved her way through the crowd towards where the kids were playing together. 

You turned back towards Javier with a bemused look, “We just saw her last year. It’s not that weird.” 

“Yeah. I know” He shrugged a shoulder, rocking his jaw slowly as he reached for his bottle of beer. “With everything that’s happened, I just didn’t want there to be any stress for you, baby.” He told you, resting his hand on your knee and giving it a squeeze. 

You draped your hand over his, interlacing your fingers. “Loraine is probably the last person to stress me out.” You shook your head, glancing back towards the table you’d left. Chucho had returned with Sofía and was laughing with Monica about something. 

“Ah, there’s a face I haven’t seen for a long time!” You glanced up as a man around Javier’s age approached the table. 

“Felix!” Javier answered with a tight smile, releasing his hold on your knee as he moved to stand up. He hugged the man, “It’s good to see you.” 

“Last time I saw that ugly mug of yours we were taking your pop’s truck for a joyride down that dirt road off 59.” 

“A long damn time ago,” Javier agreed as he clapped Felix on the back and turned back towards you. “Baby, this is Felix. My cousin.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” You said as you shook his hand. “I don’t remember you at Christmas last year.”

“I didn’t come.” Felix gave Javier a look, “But you did?” He clicked his tongue against his teeth, before he let out a low whistle of disappointment. “You know Javi, I’d heard the rumors but I hadn’t believed a single one of them.”

Oh Jesus. You knew exactly where this was going. Nowhere good. 

“When Javier and I were young bucks,” Felix attempted to regale you. “We had a hell of time in this town.” He looked between a very unamused Javier and you, before holding his hand out towards you. “Let me see it.”

“See what?” You blinked.

“The ring.”

“What ring?” Javier questioned. 

Felix looked confused. “The ring.”

You snorted. “We’re not married.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Felix pursed his lips as he stared at Javier. “But you have a ring.”

“Yeah, inscribed with our anniversary and our daughters’ birthdays.”

“But it’s not a wedding band?”

“No.” You both answered him. 

His hands went to his hip as he shook his head, “I guess that explains a whole hell of a lot.”

Javier squared off with his cousin, “What the hell does that even mean, Felix?”

Felix dropped his voice, though not low enough that you couldn’t hear him plainly. “You show up here with her and that pretty young thing. I’m impressed, Javier. Never saw you as a bigami—“

“I wouldn’t finish that if I were you.” Javier warned.

“Monica is basically our daughter.” You explained, crossing your arms across your chest as you stared at Felix. “Just because Javier and I aren’t married to each other doesn’t mean there’s anyone else involved in our relationship.” 

“Then why is she here?”

Javier gritted his teeth, “Because her own parents don’t deserve her.”

“So you, what? Adopted a full grown adult?” Felix laughed condescendingly. “The hell happened to you in Colombia, my man?”

You reached for Javier’s partially drunk beer and took a sip. Which was a better option than picking it up and—

“She’s a smart kid who was in a rough situation. Her parents kicked her out and she was gonna lose everything. What was I gonna do, let it happen?” Javier shot back, his jaw clenched so tightly you could see the strain in his neck.

“Why’d they kick her out? Sneaking boys into the house?” He wiggled his brows suggestively at you and you sneered back at him in response. “Weed? Underage drinking?”

Javier glared at him. 

“Wait,” Felix dropped his voice to a whisper, pointing at Javier. “Is she a fag?”

Before you even had a chance to blink, Javier’s fist made contact with Felix’s jaw, sending him reeling several feet backwards as he stumbled. 

“What the fuck, Javier?” Felix grabbed at his face where he’d struck him. “I guess that was the answer then, huh? So your pretend daughter’s a fag?”

Javier made to lunge at him, but you grabbed him by the bicep and held him back. He’d already drawn everyone’s attention to the three of you. “If you say another goddamn word about one of my daughters, you’re gonna regret it.”

Felix held his hands up in mock defeat. “I thought it was bad enough when you were getting hitched to Loraine. You were no fun anymore, man. At least you came to your senses But this—“ He pointed to you. “The Javier I used to know wouldn’t be playing house with some woman you picked up in Colombia.”

“Some woman I picked up in Colombia.” Javier repeated, laughing harshly as he pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “This goddamn woman took down Carlos Lehder on her second day with the DEA. She was there when Pablo Escobar’s reign of bullshit ended. That’s just scraping the surface. What’ve you done Felix? That’s right. Nothing.”

“We don’t need to make a scene about me.” You told Javier, tightening your grip on his arm. 

“No.” He shook his head, his gaze darting towards you. “Because I used to be in his shoes. I get it.” Javier took a step forward, glaring at Felix. “Being alone is great, isn’t it? Going home to an empty apartment, drinking to forget that it’s empty. Hell, maybe it’s not. Maybe you’ve got company with someone whose name you won’t even remember next month.” He pulled his arm from your grip, closing the distance between the two men. “I used to be you. Thinking I was happy, when I was just angry at the world. Get help, Felix.” 

“Fuck you, Javier.” Felix swore, before he turned his back and headed for the exit across the party hall as murmurs grew. 

“Hey,” Chucho started as he approached you with Josie at his side. His brows were furrowed together, clearly worried about the situation he just witnessed. “I don’t know where Monica went. She was trying to settle Sofía the last I saw.”

You scanned the crowd of faces that were all staring at you and Javier, but you failed to spot her among them. “I’ll find her.” You assured him, before turning back to Javier. “Well, that was unexpected.”

“He’s a son of a bitch.” Javier flexed his hand, looking down at it. “Fuck.”

“I’ve seen you punch two men in the past three months,” You remarked, reaching out for his hand to check it over. He hissed when you brushed your thumb over his knuckles. “I can’t tell if I should be terrified or turned on.” 

Javier gave you a scandalized look, “Seriously?”

“Do not judge me, babe.” You shot back. “Put ice on this, it’s going to swell. I’m going to find Monica.” But first, you were going to grab a cupcake from the dessert table because she deserved one. 

Monica was not easily found. 

She wasn’t outside. You searched for her in the women’s bathroom, the family bathroom, and the weird room that was clearly designed for bridal parties without any luck. And she wasn’t hiding in the van. 

You were about to admit defeat, before the familiar sound of a baby fussing drew you towards the coat closet. You pulled open the door, relieved to find Monica sitting against the back wall with Sofía. 

“I hope you see the irony in this.” You remarked as you stepped inside and closed the closet door behind you. 

Monica sniffled as she looked up at you with tear-stained cheeks. “Trust me, it wasn’t lost on me.” She had Sofía resting against her bent knees, letting her bounce on her lap. “She’s tired.”

“Me too.” You admitted as you sank down on the floor beside her, stretching your legs out in front of you. “Here.” You said, holding your arms out for her to pass the baby to you. Sofía squirmed, resistant at first, but you managed to get her to settle down against your chest. 

“This is for you.” 

“Thank you.” Monica grinned as she took the cupcake from you. “Chocolate cures everything.” She mused as she peeled the paper off. 

You glanced down at Sofía, watching her face as she kept waking herself back up every time her eyes closed. “Just sleep, sunshine.” You murmured, kissing the top of her head. 

Monica sniffed quietly, wiping tears off with the sleeve of her sweater. 

“So, how much did you hear?” You questioned.

“I was bringing Sofía over to you,” She explained with a sigh. “I caught the tail end of the conversation when he called me a…” Fresh tears sprang to her eyes and she drew her knees to her chest. “And then Javier called me his daughter and I just ran.”

You reached over and rubbed your hand across her back. “I don’t know what Felix’s story is, but neither of us are going to put up with that shit, Monica. What he said was wrong.”

“I know.” She popped a piece of cupcake into her mouth. “And the way Javier punched him.”

“It was glorious.” You grinned. “I might have a problem.”

“I’d probably swoon if a pretty girl punched someone for me.” She admitted with a quiet laugh as she wiped at her eyes again. “It’s just so stupid. I’ve heard every iteration of that word thrown at me, but… things have just been so good. With you and Javier, Nadia, and then Murphys, and everyone in my circle — I forgot what it felt like.”

“The world sucks.” You glanced downwards at Sofía, relieved to see that she wasn’t fighting the pull to sleep anymore. Her little eyelashes fluttered, as a content sigh escaped from her. “For every couple like Javier and I, there’s some asshole like Felix. Honestly, there’s always going to be that jerk.”

“We have one of those in class.” Monica rolled her eyes. 

“George?”

“Bingo.”

“I figured.” You laughed. “We used to work with this guy named Chris, right after Steve left. A truly insufferable human being. They’re people who don’t have any joy in their lives and when they see happy people and they just want to snuff it out.” You gave her a sympathetic smile. “I’m not a good motivational speaker.”

“You’re good.” She offered as she sank back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “Do you think we could go back to the ranch? I don’t know if I want to go back out there.” 

You nodded, “Of course.” 

“I feel bad to make you guys leave early.”

“Don’t feel bad. We’ve seen everyone that needs to be seen.” You assured her, “Do you want to stay in here while I go get Javi?”

Monica nodded. 

You held Sofía securely to your chest as you got up. “I’ll be back.” You told Monica, before you slipped out the door and headed back into the party hall to find Javier. 

“Did you find her?”

“Yeah, she’s hiding in the coat closet.” You answered as Javier passed the baby carrier to you across the table. “I think it’s time to go home.” 

“Home home?” Javier questioned.

“The ranch.” You clarified as you strapped Sofía into the carrier. “Did I miss any more fights?”

Javier rolled his eyes, “The asshole left.” 

“Daddy,” Josie urged softly. “You said a bad word.” 

“Yeah, daddy did say a bad word.” Javier admitted with a sigh. “I’ll put a nickel in the swear jar, princesa.” 

“To be young and oblivious.” You remarked with a laugh, shaking your head. “Chucho, I’m so sorry.” 

“What are you apologizing for, chica?” Chucho’s brows furrowed together. “The one who should be apologizing has already left.” He gestured vaguely towards the doorway Felix had exited through. “That boy was always trouble.” 

“He was.” Javier agreed with a nod, dragging his fingers through his hair. “Let’s get out of here.” He took Sofía’s carrier from you, meeting your gaze. “What a fucking nightmare.” 

You reached down and curled your fingers around his where he held Sofía’s carrier. “You did the right thing, Javi.” You assured him. “And I think it really meant something to Monica that you didn’t even waver on calling her our kid.”

Javier rocked his jaw slowly, giving a stiff nod. “Well she is. Blood doesn’t mean shit.”

 ——

 “Hot chocolate.” You announced as you held the mug out in front of Monica. “Chucho’s special recipe.”

“Should I be afraid?” Monica laughed, curling her legs beneath her as she took the mug from you. 

Javier stretched out on the sofa, tucking an arm beneath his head as he glanced towards the two of you, “He went easy on the chili pepper.”

Monica took a small sip, “That’s different. It’s really creamy.”

“There’s so much heavy cream in it.” You laughed, moving towards the sofa where your own mug was sitting on the coffee table. “Move.” You told Javi, giving his leg a swat as he kept them stretched out. “I will sit on you.”

“Am I supposed to hate that offer?” He shot back, before begrudgingly sitting upright. 

You settled onto the sofa beside him, slipping your arm between his back and the sofa cushion as you sank against him. “I’m sorry about how things went down today.” You chewed on your bottom lip as you looked towards Monica. “I know you didn’t really want to go to the shindig.”

“I had fun,” Monica insisted. “Everyone was so nice and welcoming. Danny and his wife were wonderful. Their baby is adorable.” She took another sip of the hot chocolate. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I get that,” Javier nodded his head. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t feel like shit about it. Felix hasn’t come to a family gathering since… hell, probably before I went to Colombia. Bit of a black sheep. I shouldn’t have engaged at all.”

You glanced down at Javier’s hand. Despite the ice, his first two knuckles were already turning a dark shade of purple from making contact with Felix’s jaw bone. A small price to pay. 

He sighed heavily, rubbing at the back of his neck, “All that is to say, you’re part of our family, Monica. And I don’t take kindly to people talking shit about my family.” You rested your cheek against Javier’s shoulder, your fingers trailing over his back slowly. 

“I don’t have words for how much that means to me, Javier.” Monica said as she curled her hands around the mug. “After everything that happened… you’ve both been so good to me. I still don’t know how to thank you.”

“We don’t need gratitude,” You stressed. “We just want the best for you. Same as we want for Josie or Sofía. It’s on your parents for not recognizing that they had a good kid on their hands. Sometimes, parents prove to be the biggest disappointments in our lives.” 

Monica nodded slowly, “You’re not wrong there.” 

“I wish you hadn’t heard his bullshit,” Javier scraped his teeth over his bottom lip. “And Josie saw me punch the fucker.” He huffed, flexing his hand against his leg. “That made for a fun bedtime story.” 

You slid your arm out from behind his back, reaching up to play your fingers over the hair at the nape of his neck. “I think you explained it well.” You leaned forward and grabbed your mug of hot chocolate, taking a sip. “And we promise holidays in Laredo are not generally this exciting.” 

“Honestly, I was hoping for a little excitement.” Monica teased. “Why is your ex-fiance invited to family things?”

Javier grumbled, “Because she’s still close to my family.” He shrugged a shoulder, “It’s a small town and… you get a lot of sympathy when someone leaves you at the altar. Even if it was — shit, nearly thirty years ago.” 

“I have so many questions about young Javier Peña.” You teased him, nudging your elbow into his ribs. 

“Me too.” Monica leaned forward, sipping at her hot chocolate. “What were you like?”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head slowly. “That’s ancient history.” Javier gave you a pointed look. “I’m certain you’ve heard plenty of stories from Pops.” 

“So many.” You agreed, ruffling your fingers through his hair. “But it doesn’t really matter who any of us were before. It’s about who we are now.” You smiled softly. “Even if I really want to hear about what kind of hell raiser you were as a teenager.” 

“I wouldn’t call it hell-raising.” Javier snorted, shaking his head. “You can’t get away with too much when you live in a small town.” 

“Especially when your family makes up half of the town,” Monica quipped as she finished off her hot chocolate and stood up. “I think I’m gonna head to bed. Do you think Josie will mind if I steal Stevie for the night?”

“Nah, but that does mean you’ll have to take her out in the middle of the night.” Javier told her, scratching at his jawline. 

“I don’t mind.” She shrugged. “Good night guys.” 

“Sleep well, Monica.” You offered. “Don’t forget — bright and early to make pecan pie.” 

She snapped her fingers at you as she walked backwards. “Trust me, I haven’t forgotten pie’o’clock.” 

You laughed, taking another sip of hot chocolate. “Well, today was certainly a day.” You mused, tilting your head to look at Javier. “Quit beating yourself up, Javi.” 

“I’m not—”

“You are.” You tapped his chin, urging him to look at you. “I love you.” 

Javier sighed heavily, “I love you too. I just hate that Josie saw me deck a guy.” 

“Actions have consequences. He said a whole lot of awful shit and…” You gestured to his hand. “He got punched for it.” You pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “It was a good lesson for Josie. Just because Felix is family, doesn’t mean we have to associate with him. Family is the people you choose to keep in your life.” 

[heirloommtomatoes]

you’re in a car with a beautiful boy

I’m at least 90% sure this ask was not sent with the intent of receiving a fic as a response but. Here we are. This got way longer and more convoluted than I had intended it to be and I’m jus gonna post it at this point bc i’m losing my mind re-reading it jsksk ! The title is from part 24 of Richard Siken’s poem “You Are Jeff”. Perfect poem for their first kiss, I think! Enjoy reading! :)

Warnings: Two instances of canon-typical homophobic language; canon-typical swearing.

Word Count: 2.6k~

The day Ian Gallagher shows up at his door, red-cheeked, out of breath, and wanting, no — “I need to see you” — needing him, Mickey knows he’s done for.

What comes out is: “I thought you were working today.”

Nice, dumbshit, that’s helpful, he registers the thought somewhere in the back of his mind, but mostly he just can’t stop staring at Ian. His eyes flick over his face, and he doesn’t have time to be shocked by how much he cares.

He’s embarrassed to reveal that yes, he did memorize Ian’s work schedule because he was in fact listening to the guy when he was busy running his mouth at the convenience store. Instinctively, he casts a quick glance over his shoulder. He can’t let Terry see this gay shit, Ian all worked up about some mommy issues and Mickey trying in his own way. To do what exactly, he’s still not completely sure. Comfort him, maybe? He doubts his father would clue in, his head’s too far up his homophobic ass for that, but like hell Mickey’s gonna risk it. Nothing’s gonna touch Ian. Fucking ever, if it’s up to him.

“I’ll meet you there in twenty,” Mickey says a short while later. He closes the door and goes back inside to stand around the dining table where Terry was going over some kind of raid or bust or heist while somehow managing to boss Mandy around every other word.

Mickey can’t focus on anything. He’s going to see Ian in twenty minutes. He’s bubbling with palpable excitement and fear and feelings he has no name for. What if Ian wants to talk about everything? Does he smell bad? What could Mickey say so he doesn’t leave? So Ian doesn’t see what a miserable shit he is? He hates Ian fucking Gallagher for making him care about dumb stuff like this, for making him incapable of hearing a word his Dad is saying to him and his brothers, for making him want to do some astronomically stupid thing like kiss him.

“Mickey, why you over there starin’ like some dumb fuckin’ fag?”

He doesn’t work up the courage for over another year.

Mickey slams the door to his room after running errands with Iggy all morning. It smells stale and one of the posters is curling off the wall in the mid-summer humidity. He’d changed his sheets this morning. The same red ones from the day Ian had burst in here like a maniac demanding the gun back. From then on, the two had been inseparable; no matter how hard their South Side circumstances had tried to pry them apart, every time they came back together like magnets.

Mickey knows he can’t really hide from Ian, and it scares him as much as it excites him. Ian reads him like no one ever has. The guy even had the nerve to smile that adorable smile that makes Mickey’s chest tight when he’d told him he’d rip his tongue out back in juvie. For some reason that Mickey cannot begin to fathom, Ian seems to want to spend time with him. Seems to believe in him.

He had thought himself perfectly fine to live a life half-awake, to spend his days either in prison or in the Milkovich household (one in the same, he thinks - except that juvie doesn’t have Terry), probably die by shivs or bullets or fists, and have his body buried in some unmarked grave all before his 50th birthday. Ian had wedged his place in the timeline of Mickey’s life. There was a before, and an after, and neither of them would ever be the same. Mickey pretends that its not this thought that keeps him up at night.

As soon as he realized that Iggy and Colin and Terry looked at girls and actually wanted them, that it wasn’t just some bizarre social act they all bought into, he knew he was fucked for life. His whole existence feels like some grand joke that everyone is in on but him, and when he lays down at night and stares at his ceiling and thinks about Ian Gallagher, Ian Gallagher, Ian Gallagher, he wonders if maybe he was the butt of it all along.

Ian Gallagher, who knew him and wanted him anyway, who took the time to care about him, who sought him out to spend time with him just because he wanted to. When had their ten minute fucks turned into smoke breaks? When had their smoke breaks turned into —

Mickey’s phone dings in his pocket as he sits on the steps of the Milkovich house, a cigarette dangling idly from his mouth.

Ian

what are ur plans today

He swallows his heart back down as it leaps into his throat, almost dizzying him with excitement. Get a grip, you fuckin’ girl. He’d done all that he needed to do for the day. He’d helped Iggy with some errands in the morning and had planned on laying low, playing Halo 3, and chain-smoking his way through a pack until dinner.

He chews on his lip as he considers what to say. He texts back:

Mickey

don’t have any

He wants to say “why, what’s up?”, he wants to say “let’s go to the dugouts”, he wants to say “let’s do something”, “let’s hang out”, “i want to see you”, “i want you”. But he’s not allowed to want things. Certainly not…this. Whatever this is. He receives a response almost immediately and can’t help but crack a fond smile. Someone’s eager.

Ian

come with me to that abandoned building near the L

you know the spot

That’s how Mickey finds himself sitting atop a wooden platform, watching Ian run military drills below at 1 in the afternoon on a Sunday.

He fires his gun into the sky while resolutely pretending not to be checking out the younger boy below.

“Hey,” Ian says, breathing heavily and squinting against the sun and Mickey finds himself realizing he is made of things he cannot ever have, “You know that guy you beat the shit out of at that club?”

Of course Mickey remembers. His stomach flops at the mention of him.

“He wants me to sneak into his mansion and take all of his crap.”

“Really,” Mickey responds dryly, firing off another shot. He doesn’t want Ian to keep talking about him, “Hi-larious.”

“Can’t get it himself,” Ian continues, as if Mickey cares. And the worst part is that he thinks maybe he does — he cares about everything this alien-looking ginger has to say and he hates it and he can never, ever get enough of it, of him, of Ian, “Divorce. Says I can take whatever I want. He’s loaded. You want in?”

Mickey fires shots at the ground by Ian’s head where he’s crawling under some boards. He’s remembering seeing them at that bar in Boystown, out in the heat and in the sun and in public, cracking jokes and living a life Mickey can only watch from behind glass, from behind bars. Fuck that old guy for getting handed on a silver platter what Mickey so desperately craves but cannot have. Not just Ian — freedom. Though Mickey thinks they’re one in the same these days.

“Jesus! Use blanks, maybe?! Fuck.” Ian shouts up at him, dragging himself up off the ground.

“Bring my cousins?” Mickey asks, refusing to look at him. Every time he does he sees them together and wishes that it had been him, sun-drunk and laughing and free by his side.

“Yeah,” Ian shrugs.

“‘Aight, I’m in,” Mickey fires off another shot. He’s angry at Ian for nothing other than exercising his complete right to see other people since they weren’t really together anyway, he’s angry at that old ass man for being able to go out for drinks with him, touch him, kiss him, and most of all he’s angry at himself.

He feels broken for wanting him. He feels broken for not being able to be brave enough to admit that he wants him. He gets cut on his own self-hatred any direction he turns.

“I dunno what you see in that geriatric viagroid,” he says, forcing himself to meet Ian’s gaze, if for a brief moment.

“He buys me stuff, orders me room service,” Ian says nonchalantly, looking up at Mickey. It’s obvious how much he’s been working out. His shoulders are hard and defined, his chest chiseled through the dark green of his military shirt. Mickey feels the familiar sting of contempt rising in his throat and fires off two more shots.

He can’t buy him anything, let alone room service. The fuck kind of response is that? More than anything, it annoys Mickey because he knows it isn’t really true. He’s bullshitting him, and that gets to him more than Ted or Ned or Fred or whatever the hell is name is ever could. He knows he’s not that superficial. Sure, he doesn’t doubt those are nice bonuses, but he knows there’s more to it than that.

He knows Ian. He knows Ian and he wishes that didn’t have to mean he loves him, but it does. He doesn’t understand how anyone could know Ian and not love him. But he’s not quite ready to admit that yet, least of all to himself.

“He isn’t afraid to kiss me,” Ian adds.

Ah. There it is.

His world has become a breathing thing with Ian in it. Before it was stagnant, stale, drowning. It has become a beast with teeth that threatens to tear him from the careful scaffolding he has built around the most fragile parts of his life.

If he kisses him, then everything he fears he is will be true.

Some dumb fuckin’ fag.

So Mickey brings his cousins later that evening and doesn’t stop thinking about Ian’s comment for the rest of the day. The van ride is full of loud music and rolled down windows that let in the warm, fresh summer air, and Iggy and Colin are endlessly bickering and hitting each other in the back of the car.

“Can you assholes quiet down when we get closer? You’re gonna wake up the old lady and everyone else in the goddamn neighbourhood before we even roll in the fuckin’ driveway,” Mickey says, swatting at them from where he’s sitting in the passenger seat. Ian glances his way with an amused smile that Mickey only just catches when he settles back. He grins in return around the cigarette dangling from his mouth.

“Oh hey, pass one?” Ian asks, holding out his hand. Mickey’s about to give him one before a car speeds around a corner and almost T-bones the side of the van. Ian’s hand snaps back to the wheel to swerve out of the way, and Mickey drops the cigarette to the floor of the van in all the commotion.

“Asshole, watch it!” Ian exclaims as he uselessly flips off the car that’s now long gone down the road. Mickey lets out a guffaw of a laugh and abandons handing him the lost cigarette in favour of placing his own half-smoked one right between Ian’s lips.

The intimacy of the action doesn’t strike him until he’s nudging the cigarette against his mouth and his eyes are tracing the outline of his lips and he can feel the warmth of his breath against his tattooed knuckles. The raw familiarity of the action and the fact that Mickey’s own lips had just been on the cigarette that’s now resting on the edge of Ian’s mouth has his heart racing so quickly he can feel it in his chest like a ton of bricks. Ian casts him a side-glance out of the corner of his eye as he parts his lips to accept it. Mickey takes his hand away and clears his throat, glancing at the rear-view mirror to an oblivious Colin and Iggy.

“Thanks,” Ian mumbles, remembering himself as he snaps out of whatever it had been that passed between them just now.

Mickey wants to kiss him. He really, really wants to kiss him. He’d tried fucking girls and had been less turned on than he was just now doing nothing other than placing his cigarette in Ian’s mouth.

Ian pulls into the drive minutes later, cigarette since burned through and discarded out the window. Mickey tries not to feel the absence of it as though it were his own lips against his and not just the ghost of them stained onto the cigarette.

Colin drags open the side door and hops out with Iggy, zipping open a duffel bag full of guns. Mickey’s grateful for the distraction, for the absolute focus violence requires that he hopes will shove his desire to do something as stupid as kiss Ian out of his head.

“Hey! Whoa, guys, guys! No fucking guns, alright? It’s just a drunk old lady in there,” Ian says, brow furrowed as he looks at Mickey.

Trust Gallagher to be the defender of drunk old ladies. Mickey bites at his lip, trying and failing to ignore the way his chest swells with adoration at Ian’s request. Soft motherfucker. He’s right, though — any unnecessary violence and this could be a way bigger deal than it needs to be. Plus, he’d rather not piss off his only and best friend. He grabs the guns back from his cousins, much to their disappointment, and makes off toward the house.

He hadn’t woken up this morning thinking that today would be the day he’d kiss Ian. Hell, even now he’s sure that if he thinks about it any more he’ll chicken out and never kiss him at all. Mickey Milkovich, with the F-U-C-K U-U-P knuckles, who wears dirt and a scowl like they’re permanent accessories, is going to kiss Ian Gallagher, the freckled boy who protects drunk old ladies and smiles at him like he hangs the damn stars. He figures he was about to storm into an old lady’s house brandishing firearms without second thought or fright. Is kissing someone really that much more terrifying?

Abso-fuckin-lutely.

But there’s nothing between them but the van and Mickey’s fear. And fuck the fear. Fuck it. 

He can pretend that he kisses him for no other reason than to prove a point, than to fulfill some implied dare. 

At the end of the day, he kisses him because he wants to. 

He kisses him because he likes him. 

He kisses him because he loves him.

Mickey’s heart is racing so badly he feels that he might throw up and well, what an impression that would leave. Every part of him is shaking as he turns and takes one step, two steps, pulls himself into the van and…

His lips are against Ian’s. They’re so much softer than he’d imagined (and he had imagined, often) and warm and Mickey can feel the breath from his nose against his own face. He tastes like smoke and freedom and something sweet Mickey can’t place -- a fucking Snickers bar? -- but loves the taste of anyway.

His brain short-circuits. He lingers longer than he had intended to, but it’s real and it’s better than he ever thought it could be. He’d kissed Sarah Perkins on a dare back in 7th grade and he’d gargled vodka afterwards to wash his mouth out.

He’d thought himself broken for it just not feeling right. But this…this feels right. Ian makes him feel right. He had expected, hoped even maybe, that it would feel wrong. That he would kiss him and feel as though he had done something terrible, something worse than stealing from an old lady’s home, but if it does he can’t bring himself to care at the moment.

On his tongue, in his touch, with his laugh, Ian has given him the vocabulary to understand himself. To put a name to feelings mostly only understood in the illuminating glory of hindsight.

He’s spent his whole life outside of himself. Is this what it is to know yourself? Is this what it is for everything to suddenly make sense? He isn’t allowed soft things. He isn’t allowed this.

But here he is anyway.

And the world spins on.

He wants to kiss him again and again and again but he remembers his cousins in the house and what he suspects was probably less than five seconds feels like an eternity and Ian’s lips are starting to respond and move and is that his hand starting to lift to touch him? oh shit what if they come back to get him and this is what they walk in on and --

He pulls back and retreats as quickly as he’d arrived, throwing up a middle finger at Ian. Afraid to kiss him, Mickey’s ass.

Fuck he thinks as he runs back to the house, and can’t think much else but fuckfuckfuck, every inch of him charged and shaking and electric.

“Forgot somethin’,” he says breathlessly to the two boys who are, as it turns out, barely paying him any mind as they bicker between themselves about how they’re going to manage picking up a cabinet heavier than the two of them combined. Mickey’s not listening to them as they end up dropping it to split up and tackle smaller bait.

He grins wickedly to himself. He did it. Mickey goddamn Milkovich made a choice that wasn’t about pain or hurt or violence. He’d made a choice that was his and his alone and it was soft. Mickey Milkovich could choose to be soft, and gentle, and maybe even caring.

And if he can kiss Ian Gallagher? He can do anything.

[thenakedgingerwrites]

Trapped

Needless to say, I didn't expect what happened today. No one ever does I guess. I was working in my garage while the wife and kids were out running some errands. I cleaned out a bunch of things from the attic above the cars and piled the boxes near the front of the open garage. Having gone up and down my ladder with boxes (while not super heavy) all morning left me pretty fatigued and sweaty. It was still the middle of the afternoon and I was hoping to finish up, shower, and maybe jack off before the family got home. Three kids later, the wife wasn't as generous with sex anymore so I re-learned how to take care of myself. Not that I don't miss the passionate sex we used to have, I just gave up on getting a blowjob ever again, sad as it is. I went back up to get the last box but in my fatigue missed a step. I tried to grab a side plank but failed and instead went through the drywall floor. Well, not entirely. I had been wedged in-between two planks since I was pretty triangular of a build. I had a home gym and kept in shape as best I could. A bit of a belly but still strong as ever. So now here I was, stuck halfway through the roof of the garage. I tried to pull myself up but either couldn't get leverage, was too tired, or was stuck on something. Maybe all three. Either way, I wasn't going anywhere. Luckily the way I was stuck wasn't painful but I couldn't move. For whatever reason I yelled "HELLO!?" thinking someone would come to find me but instantly felt stupid for it. The family was gone and while the garage door was open, the boxes blocked most of the view to the street so it wouldn't have been obvious to anyone I'd be lucky enough to have pass by.

If I knew someone was walking by I'm sure I could yell to get their attention (if they didn't have headphones in) but I didn't want to yell for an hour hoping someone would find me. The family should be back within an hour or so. They'll laugh at finding daddy coming through the roof but my wife will get the ladder so I can climb out of here and then chastise me for not paying attention. Sigh. Fifteen minutes or so went by as I hung there. I tried to make a game out of it by counting the rafter beams, or swinging my legs for a light ab workout, but was getting bored. I tried to get out again but determined I must be stuck on something. I wiggled my hips to try and figure out what it was. Something was preventing me from pulling myself up and thought it must be something on the bottom of my shirt or my sweatpants. I thought that if I went down a little lower, whatever was stuck would unstick and then I could pull myself free. It took another couple minutes of trying to squeeze myself further into the hole but finally eureka! I felt something give. It was the undeniable rip of my sweatpants but fuck it, I can always get my wife to stitch them back up. Two things became very apparent to me very quickly though. One, my squeezing further into the hole sealed my fate of actually being stuck. Without the leverage of something beneath me I was staying put. Second, the rip to my pants must have been the waist, and the phone in my pocket weighed them down. And down. And down... "You've got to be fucking kidding me." So now, not only was I stuck in my garage ceiling and my pants ripped, I was naked from the waist down. "Great day to not wear underwear, asshole." Well my wife and kids finding me would be a little less fun this way, for everyone. Luckily my ass was hanging towards the driveway so they wouldn't see my exposed cock and nuts but seeing Dad's hairy ass probably wasn't on their to-do list. I decided to give myself one last attempt at freedom and used all my muscles in my arms I could muster. My legs ran in place attempting to help me but alas, nothing. "FUCK!" I cursed. Last fucking time I clean the attic. I catch my breath as I hear the unmistakable pitter patter of footsteps. "Hello?" a cautious voice calls out. Shit! Of course someone is passing by NOW. "I'm fine, go away!" I yell instinctively. I'm not sure why being rescued is less desirable than a stranger seeing me naked like this. I mean, I'm fit, my cocks a good size (6 hard and pretty thick), maybe a little hairier than most but overall a good looking guy. It's just the shame of the situation. "Ha, you don't look fine." The guy gives a light chuckle. I can tell he's behind me getting an eye full of my round ass. Sigh. "Yeah, I'm not. I fell through while moving some boxes and... fate is out to get me today I guess." "Well one man's trash is another's treasure." What the hell? Did he say this situation was treasure? "Um, yeah. Can you grab my ladder? If that's under me I think I can push up and out of this wedge." Silence. "Hey, guy?" I think I hear footsteps but it's hard to tell. He's probably wearing running shoes so I can't really hear him. Did he leave? *click* The unmistakable sound of a phone camera. "What the fuck man?! Did you just take a picture of me?!" "Yes, only your butt. To remember this laughable situation." "Well I'd fucking appreciate it if you didn't and get me the fuck out of here." I couldn't help my anger starting to boil. It's one thing to be found by a stranger but thinking photos of me could leak on the internet was a different story. "Oh my..." he says. *click* "Dude what the fuck?!" "Sorry, after seeing your dick I couldn't help myself." "You fucking fag!" "And those balls." I felt his finger tips graze my scrotum which set me into a fury. I kicked my legs out at him but there were still bound by my sweatpants. I only kicked air. "Ah, ah ah" the stranger said. "You wouldn't want me sending these photos to everyone in the neighborhood would you?" No, I wouldn't. I calmed my legs down and let them hang limply again. "No I know a way we can both help each other out." "And what's that?" I ask through gritted teeth. "You married?" "And three kids. Straight as an arrow." "Funny thing about arrows, they bend in flight. Anyway, when's the last time you got a good blowjob?" "What?!" "When's the last time your wife gave you a really great blowjob?" "That's none of your Goddamn business." "Ah, I see. When's the last time you had ANY blowjob?" I remained silent. I couldn't think of a good lie but the truth is it had been years. He continued to speak. "You see, I'm kind of addicted to cock. I've become a bit of an expert in my addiction, but it's been a couple weeks since I've blown anyone new." He was behind me now as he placed an open palm on my ass. "So, that's how we can help each other." "You want to give me a blowjob." "Correct." "You want to GIVE me a blowjob, and then help me out?" "Seems like a good deal to you, yes?" I mean, fuck yeah it did. I'm not gay, really I'm not. Unlike a lot of guys in high school I never messed around with any of my guy friends but still, it had been years. And I couldn't see him at all so in my mind I could just pretend it was Scarlet Johansen or Emma Stone or whoever the fuck I wanted it to be. "Is that a deal?" "I mean, what do you need me to do?" "Ideally, just not strangle me with your thighs and I'll do the rest." I did contemplate it, but then I'd be where I started and he may turn violent too. I'm the one in the compromising position. "Okay, deal." "Oh goody!" I felt both of his hands on my ass this time while he planted a big kiss on one cheek. Gross. The stranger pulled something over towards us. It sounded like maybe a one of our plastic storage bins but I'm not sure. I estimated that my cock was probably only 6 feet off the ground but figured he'd need to get a little higher. The first touch was tentative. His hands on my soft cock made me second guess my decision. This was a guy afterall. I couldn't will myself to forget that. This was wrong. And then he took me into his mouth. My abs convulsed by instinct. It was a feeling I'd missed for so long. He sucked and swirled his tongue around my hardening cock and I'm embarrassed to say how quickly I got hard. "Oh wow, you're a thick guy." "Ha, thanks." Wait, why the fuck am I thanking this pervert? Well, he is giving me head... *click* "Hey! No pictures!" "That wasn't part of the deal. And what do you care, your face isn't in them. They're just for me. Promise." "No, seriously. Delete those pic..." He took me back into his mouth and it shut me up. God he was good. This guy definitely had practice with a cock and probably with someone as thick as me because he managed to take almost all of me into him. And like a pro fag, he even popped my balls into his mouth to give my cock a break. While he pumped my wet shaft with his hands he sucked and licked on each nut separately. Taking my cock back into his mouth, his hands grabbed my firm ass from behind. I actually started to rock into him. It felt so fucking good. His fingers snaked their way back towards my ass hole but I stopped him and rocked away, cock popping out of his mouth. "No way. Don't touch my asshole. I'm not gay." "You don't trust me by now? I can make a little prostate stimulation feel really good." "I said no. Blowjob only." "Sigh, have it your way Mr. Boring Married Man." I resented that. Was I really boring because I didn't want to be finger fucked by a guy? A stranger even? He got back to work on my cock and really focused on the head. He was edging me and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on for much longer. "I think I'm gonna cum soon man." He just continued to work. Nervous he didn't hear me, I said it again. Not sure why I cared to be polite about accidently cumming in his mouth. "Dude, you're about to make me cum. Get off unless you want my load down your throat." He popped off so I figured he finally heard me but unexpectedly he said "feed me, daddy" and engulfed me again. Fuck, this guy was gonna swallow too. I felt the pressure building and tried to hold it back. Once I got to the peak I felt his finger once again find my asshole but not timidly. This guy shoved his finger fully into me all at once and I kid you not, it was the best feeling of my life. His finger deep into my ass, cock in his mouth, balls in his other hand, I exploded. Rope after rope I shot into this guy's mouth. It'd had been a while since I jacked off too so the amount must have been immense. The waves of euphoria were unlike anything I'd ever felt sexually or otherwise. I actually moaned out loud like a pornstar. I always thought they were faking it until now. A long slurping sound later, he unsuctioned himself from my defeated dick. "I take it you liked it then?" "Fuck..." was all I could get out between breaths. "I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to finish too." "Umm, I'm not sure what that means." "Don't worry, nothing gay for you Mr. Straight Married Man. I'm just gonna jack off real quick looking at that cock of yours." "Ugh, fine." I was still spent and had no energy to argue. I just had the best blowjob of my life and was soon going to be free from my embarrassing prison. I heard the ladder, I think, being dragged over towards me. Did he finish already? I tentatively reached a foot out for it but found only air. "Um, guy?" "I'm not done yet, sheesh. Hold your horses." I soon heard the sound of a guy jacking off. He got handsy with me but I decided to just bite my tongue, wanting him to finish as fast as possible. It didn't take him that long until he warned me, "Okay, here it comes." I wasn't expecting him to cum onto me, and I definitely didn't expect him to come on my ass! "Dude!? What the fuck!?" "Ahhhh, that felt amazing." I'm pretty sure he slapped my ass a couple times with his still-hard cock. "Fucking gross man!" "Sorry, couldn't resist. That ass is to die for. Sure you don't want me to fuck you too?" "I'm FUCKING positive!" I yell. "Whoa, whoa, okay, okay. Thought I'd ask." "Well the answer is fucking no. Now bring that damn ladder over here so I can wipe this shit off me." "Okay, okay. One last photo though." *click* "Stop!" "I couldn't help it, I needed to get a picture of me marking you." Like a fucking dog? Marking me? Little did he know, when I got out of here I was gonna get him and break that fucking phone. I imagined he'd run when he gave me the ladder but I was fast. "Whatever man, just bring me the ladder." "I actually don't think that's a good idea." "What the hell!? We had a deal!!" I was furious. I started to flail my legs, my semi-soft cock slapping against my thighs. "I know, I know. But I don't think you're going to be too kind to me when you get free. And I'd much prefer your wife to find you like this. Another guy's cum on your ass." "YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER!!" "Well, Daddy fucker maybe." "GET ME DOWN!!" *SLAP* He slapped me hard against my right cheek. "Until next time stud." "GET BACK HERE!!" I writhed and wiggled for a few minutes, fuming with anger. After a bit longer though, I determined he had gone. I again was trapped with no hope of rescue. And honestly, no desire for rescue now either. As I hang there, remnants of my spent cock dripping to the floor and the mysterious stranger's cum drying on the globes of my ass, I hear our minivan pull up into our driveway. How was I going to explain this...