#Disclaimer: if you don’t like slower paced books this might not be for you because it’s starting like extremely slow

[loveless-arobee]

I read the most wonderful trilogy I’ve ever touched; best book in the world, perfect to my taste like it’s written just for me

Took a look at fandom for the books, maybe trying to find some good stuff about it. Yknow. Fandom stuff.

There’s like five people talking about the series. (Understandably, I’ve only found it by chance too. It’s not very known.)

But every single person ignores that one of the main characters is canonically aro and ships him with the other two main characters. Even though it’s very much in text stated that he’s not interested in relationships. Like, that was made very clear from multiple perspectives and everyone involved respects that.

…I’ll just never go into fandom spaces ever again. Poor Vargo. Fandom is destroying this man more than his childhood did tbh.

Anyway if you’re into fantasy with morally gray characters, some found family and a slow-starting but extremely escalating plot, with a non-partnering AroAllo main character (only one of three, the other two aren’t aspec but honestly as an aro person the romance was written so good too), consider reading the Rook and Rose Series by M.A. Carrick. I wanna talk about it so bad but my sister won’t read them and no one knows this book.

I love this trilogy. Favourite books rn fighting with Iron Widow in my head, though Iron Widow still has a chance to win with the sequel lol. (But Vargo will forever and always be my favourite character of all time.)

The covers are also fucking beautiful. (Alt text is not the best I’m very tired but I tried.)

[kayluh1915]

Beautiful People

Paring(s): Pedro Pascal/Female Reader

Words: 5,378

Warnings: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Medication Discussions, Insecurities, and Panic Attacks.

You and Pedro have been secretly dating for a few months now after a chance meeting. You both agreed that it was time to reveal your relationship to the public and chose to do so by accompanying him at The Oscars, but your anxiety does a great job of making you think that you don't deserve it.

DISCLAIMER!

This story is based on the song Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran & Khalid, but this IS NOT a songfic. It just gave me this vibe of Pedro walking down the red carpet with someone who doesn't quite feel like they belong and he comforts her by saying he doesn't really belong either and proceeds to list why they're better off because of it. I dunno, It just sounded sweet.

As always, comments are welcomed and encouraged.

You can also follow me on Twitter if you'd like. My life is boring, but I might be able to make you laugh if I’m lucky.

Enjoy!

(PS: Pepe is a real person. He was my Spanish teacher my first semester of college... and yes, he really went to Cincinnati every Friday to gamble)

Read on AO3

My Masterlist

The frigid February air was like icicles on your skin, sending a full-blown shiver down your spine as you hurried out of the Science building and towards the dining hall. It was nearly noon and you’ve had only had a banana and a bottle of water this morning, so lunch sounded pretty great right about now… maybe a cup of hot cocoa as well.

The dining hall was about a three-minute walk from the Science building, more than enough time for the cold to seep through the layers of your coat and deep into your bones. The possibility of a cup of cocoa turned into an inevitability, you running for the hot beverage machine as soon as your student ID was swiped.

You sat at your usual spot, hanging your backpack on the back of the chair before taking a greedy sip of the hot drink. The warmth was a godsend, the sugary beverage warming your icy hands with a pleasant hum tumbling from your lips.

“You make noises like that in bed?” Someone asked, snapping you out of your warming daze. It was your roommate and closest friend, Lauren. You snorted at her remark, almost spitting out a sip of your drink.

“I thought you had Spanish class at noon?”

“Nah. It’s Friday, remember?”

“Oh yeah, gambling day.” Like you, Lauren was a music student. It was how you had met nearly four years ago. Like most music students, you both used the extra humanities credits you had earned in high school to bail you out of the required foreign language credit until university. You were doing fairly well so far, but it was because you had a decent teacher. She wasn’t the best, but she was alright.

Lauren’s was just… something else.

On the first day of class, he told his students to call him “Pepe” because he didn’t do the “formal shit.” He also said that there would never be a class on Friday’s because he goes up to Cincinnati to gamble with his buddies. Why he didn’t just put down that his classes were only on Monday and Wednesday were beyond you.

“Yeah. Whatever, though right?” Lauren continued. “I’m not complaining about one less day of class.” You smirked mischievously.

“No, but your Spanish is…” Lauren scoffed, only causing you to laugh harder into your cup.

“Bitch, you shut the fuck up. You can’t speak the damn language either.” You shrugged.

“You’re not wrong, but at least I’m learning more than you are with Pepe.” Lauren groaned.

“Fuck you. Come on, let’s grab some grub.” You stood up and grabbed your backpack, throwing away your empty drink cup to grab something to eat. You settled on your usual favorite and sat back down with Lauren who had somehow already made it halfway through her plate.

“God, slow down.” You teased as you hung your backpack back on the chair.

“I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. Cut a bitch a break.” You shook your head, digging into your own plate, but at a much slower pace. You both sat in comfortable silence, enjoying your meals as the indecent chatter of the surrounding students and meme music playing from the jukebox continued on.

“So,” Lauren said, breaking the silence as she sat down her drink. “What are you doing this weekend?” You froze at her question but played it off the best you could. Any hint of hesitation would send her into a frenzy of questions that you weren’t prepared to answer.

“I’m going in to see Mom. Maybe stop by my Mamaw’s too.” Lauren’s shoulders slumped.

“Damn, that’s too bad. Devon invited us over to his Oscar watch party tomorrow night. Figured you might want to come along since you’re into that sort of thing.” 

You swallowed hard at the mention of The Oscars. Just play it cool… don’t. fucking. panic.

“Normally I would, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen Mom. You know how she gets when I don’t come to visit for a while.” Lauren nodded her head in understanding, knowing full well of how your Mom was after living with you for two years.

Little did she know that you had just seen your mother last weekend.

“I understand, boo. I’ll let him know you can’t make it. When are you leaving?”

“As soon as I’m done here. I packed my stuff this morning so I could just go. Trying to beat the traffic as much as possible.” She nodded in understanding.

“Well, I hope you have a good time with your Mom. Say hi to her for me, will you?” You internally sighed a breath in relief. How your big mouth managed to keep him a secret all this time let alone this was beyond you, but you managed to pull it off somehow.

“Yeah, sure.”

After you finished eating, you hugged Lauren goodbye and went back to your dorm long enough to drop off the books you didn’t need and pick up your suitcase. You went through your mental checklist one last time and locked your door behind you as you left.

You unlocked your car and threw your stuff into the backseat, making your way towards the interstate as soon as you left the college.

Home was about a two or three-hour drive down south, but where you were really going was about a 40-minute drive north. You put on some music as you cruise down the interstate, your nervousness slowly increasing the closer you got to your destination.

Your hands shook on the steering wheel, you bounced your left knee furiously, and you were biting your lip… pretty hard. You thought about reaching into your purse for the “take as needed” anxiety medication your psychiatrist prescribed you but decided to hold off on it a little longer. Maybe it’d taper off when you got to the airport.

It didn’t.

You had flown before, but that had been years ago when your micro home town had some kind of festival thing and gave free airplane rides. This commercial airline stuff was something entirely new to you which was already nerve wreaking, but the unexpected bustle of such a smaller airport made it worse.

Weeks before when you first booked the flight to Los Angles, you did as much research as possible to make sure that you knew the “norms” and guidelines of all the airports you were going to since there were no direct flights available. You were as prepared as anyone could be, but you were still extremely nervous and all the foot traffic only made it worse.

You went through security without any qualms and took a seat to wait for your flight to begin boarding. You pulled out your phone and texted your Mom and Lauren before someone walked up to you in your peripheral.

“Excuse, miss?” You looked up from your phone to come face to face with an older gentleman. He looked to be in his early 50’s with salt and peppered hair and a kind smile. He asked you your name and you confirmed with a nod.

“Sorry to disturb you, but your private flight is prepared to depart whenever you’re ready, Miss.”

...Excuse you, what?

“P-Private flight? But I-... I paid for an American Airlines flight.” The man nodded.

“Yes, but Mr. Pascal has sent a private jet to retrieve you. He was fairly insistent to make sure that you boarded.” You sighed heavily. You told him that a two-stop economy flight that you paid for was more than fine, but the thought of you doing anything like a normal person seemed to bother him for some reason.

“Okay. I-I guess I’m ready to go then.” The man smiled.

“Of course, Miss. May I take your bags for you?” You hesitated.

You had never been waited on like this before and you weren’t quite sure how to feel or respond to it. You were perfectly capable of carrying your own stuff and this guy probably wasn’t getting paid enough to carry some lucky college student’s stuff, but was it rude to say no even if you did so in a polite manner? So, you just agreed and handed him over your suitcase and backpack.

You followed him outside and over to a small commercial jet, a woman who looked to be around her mid 30’s standing right by the entrance of the aircraft.

“Welcome aboard, Miss. I’m Kendall Bishop and I’m your captain for today. If you’ll go ahead and take a seat and buckle your seat belt, we’ll depart shortly. I do ask, however, that you remain seated and keep your seat belt fastened until Mr. Clements informs you that it is safe to move about the cabin. Do you have any questions for me before we begin our descent?”

You smiled politely at her and shook your head.

Upon entering the cabin, you were at a complete loss for words. It was easily the fanciest thing you’d ever seen. Leather seats, stocked alcohol shelves, an endless assortment of snacks, a TV, even a fucking bed of all things. The man, Mr. Clements you assumed, gestured towards the seat closest to you. You sat down and buckled your seat belt like you were told to do.

Mr. Clements then reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, gesturing for you to take it.

“Mr. Pascal requested I hand this to you as soon as you board.” You took the envelope out of his hands, looking down at it with a curious gaze. On the back of it had your name scribbled onto it in familiar handwriting. You’d know it anywhere after reading so many letters from him.

“Please enjoy your flight and let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.” You thanked him with another nod, turning the envelope around and tearing it open. The plane prepared to take off as you read.

Mi Abeja,

I know you wanted and paid for a normal flight, but the academy offered to fly you to me privately last second. I was going to ask you if you were okay with it, but you were in class and your phone was off and I had to let them know something before my table read this morning. You work and study so hard and deserve to be pampered so I told them yes. They reimbursed what you paid for your ticket and I’ll give that to you once you get here.

I hope the unexpected change didn’t spike your anxiety too much. I know you’re nervous about this whole thing to begin with and I probably just made it worse. I’m sorry if I did.

 I’ll be there to pick you up as soon as you land at LAX.

Love you,

Pedro. <3 <3 

Your heart soared at his words, leaning back in your seat and looking out of the nearby window just in time to watch the plane lift up from the runway.

________________________

Four hours later, Mr. Clements informed you that you would be landing shortly. Your heart leaped up in your chest as you put your phone back into your backpack and fastened your seat belt.

It had been a few weeks since you’d last seen him and you were nearly vibrating with excitement by the time the wheels touched down on the runway. Mr. Clements offered to take your things again. You still weren’t sure if it was rude to turn him down or not and you didn’t want to ask and risk looking like a moron, so you agreed and handed over your backpack.

The captain opened up the door and exchanged pleasantries with you as you stepped off the plane, but you barely heard her over the pounding of your own heart. As soon as you looked up from the ramp, you saw him. He was there just like he promised he’d be, standing by his car and wearing his favorite pair of sunglasses all while smiling at you with that blinding smile.

Your sneakers barely touched the tarmac before you were sprinting for him. He held out his arms for you and made a small sound when you collided with him, wrapping your arms around his neck and laying your head on his chest. One of his hands caressed the back of your head, holding you to him tightly as the other one held on to your waist.

“I’ve missed you so much, Abeja.” He muttered against the crown of your head. You let go of him long enough to reach up and kiss him, tangling your hand into his dark curls. “Did you have a good flight?” He asked after you pulled away.

“I did. I was a little nervous at first, but I’m okay now.” Pedro gave you a saddened look.

“I’m sorry. I know it was unexpected and didn’t mean to hike you up, I just figured yo-” You put your hand over his mouth.

“It wasn’t your fault, Pedro. I’m just… not used to this… any of it.” He placed a gentle kiss to your fingers, taking your wrist into his hand and gently taking it off of his mouth.

“Please tell me you at least ate something.“ You nodded.

“I ate with Lauren before I left for the airport. She actually invited me to an Oscar watch party this guy named Devon is hosting. I played it cool just like we practiced, but it took everything in me not to freak out.” Pedro giggled, pressing a kiss to your nose.

“Isn’t she in for a surprise?” You barely smiled, nodding gently. You’ve been trying not to think about it, but the idea of you being on display to the entire world made your stomach churn and your knees weak. You were just a first-generation college student from the middle of nowhere, yet here you are in the arms of Pedro Pascal about to walk down the runway of the most prestigious award show in less than 24 hours.

“... Yeah.” You eventually answered. Pedro noticed the change in your demeanor and frowned, placing a kiss on the wrist he was still holding and caressing it gently with his thumb.

“We don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to, you know? We can always go with plan B.” You shook your head vigorously.

“No, no, no! I-I want people to know… I just… all so new.” Pedro smiled at you sympathetically, brushing a stray piece of hair away from your face.

“Just promise you’ll let me know if it ever becomes too much for you. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.” You look up into his mocha gaze, the butterflies in your stomach making you forget about your self-doubt if only for a few seconds.

“I promise.”

________________________

That evening you were curled up with Pedro in the hotel bed, empty take-out containers discarded onto the nearby nightstand as you watched The Shining together. He was fully engrossed in the movie, his fingers idly playing with your hair. You had tried to focus on the movie. You really did, but you’ve seen the damn thing a million times. Laughing at memes on Reddit sounded more appealing so that’s what you were doing.

“You know, I really miss you when you’re not with me.” Pedro said after a while. You looked up from your phone and up at his face.

“I miss you too. Music school sucks and I can’t cuddle Lauren… well, I can but it would be awkward.” Pedro laughed, caressing your cheek with his knuckle.

“Tomorrow, our stylists will be here around noon. I know you’re going to be nervous all day and will probably avoid eating, so I’m going to make sure you get up with me and eat a proper breakfast.” You groaned quietly.

“You won’t let me sleep in? Even on a Saturday?” You fake-pouted. Pedro tapped your nose gently with his finger.

“Not when tomorrow is such an important day. I don’t want you nervous on an empty stomach.” You both went back to what you were doing for a minute.

“You did bring your medication, didn’t you?” You hesitated before nodding.

“Yes.”

“Good. You’ll have something in case it gets too intense. Getting you to take it will be another story, though.” You didn’t say anything, favoring instead to raise up from your reclined position to swing your leg over his waist to straddle him. His hands instantly went to your hips, gently caressing them with his large hands.

“You’re so beautiful, Abeja.” He said after a while of looking you over and running his hands over your body. You smiled at him and leaned down to give him a kiss. It was pretty standard as far as kisses go, but when you pulled away you were both looking at one another with a fiery intent and slowly went back in for another. This one searing and far more passionate.

Pedro groaned deep in his throat as your tongues collide, the kiss deepening far beyond your original intent.

You weren’t complaining.

________________________

Pedro’s alarm going off scared the living hell out of you. You had been awake since 4 am, trying your best to go back to sleep, but it just never happened. When you finally gave up around 6:30, you grabbed your backpack and sat at the desk the hotel provided and did your weekend homework. You hadn’t realized that you were that engrossed in it until his alarm buzzed you out of it.

He groaned quietly and reached over to silence it, rolling back over and reaching out to the other side of the bed looking for you. When he noticed that you were gone, he raised up from the sheets and looked around the room. His hair was an absolute nightmare, sticking up in various directions as he stretched out his back and yawned loudly.

“Thought you wanted to sleep in.” He teased after he found you at the desk.

“You said you were going to wake me up early. Figured I might get some work done.” Concern then donned on his brow.

“Honey, how long have you been up?”

“Not long,” you lie. “I wanted to get some work done so I just got up at my usual time.” Pedro got out of bed and padded over to you, rubbing your shoulders and placing a kiss atop your head.

“You work too hard. You should take a break while you can.” You lolled your head back, Pedro’s hands rubbing your shoulders feeling absolutely amazing.

“I’ll do whatever you say as long as you keep doing that.” He laughed, kissing your cheek and heading to the bathroom.

________________________

You didn’t want to question the professional, you really didn’t. But after the third layer of concealer, you just had to.

“That’s a lot of concealer.” The makeup artist laughed.

“I know, I’m sorry. Use some cream for those bags next time and I promise you won’t need as much.”

You didn’t speak after that, allowing the hair and makeup artist to finish you up while they gossiped back and forth with each other. They made other side comments like that to you here and there. They weren’t necessarily rude so you couldn’t really say anything, but they did little for your already rock-bottom self-esteem.

The artist put a dark shade of lipstick on your lips, making a triumphant noise when she finished.

“Didn’t have the best canvas, but you look fabulous sweetheart! Smile with your mouth closed and you’ll be a knockout!” The makeup artist and hairstylist gathered up their things, leaving you sitting there in your robe staring at the floor and hoping they leave fast.

When they finally left, you got up from the bed and walked over to the full-bodied mirror. You showed your teeth and started looking over them. You never thought they looked too bad. Sure, they were crooked and had some spacing, but they were okay. Braces were expensive and playing a brass instrument with braces is a death sentence for lips.

What if you were wrong about them looking okay all this time? Maybe you should have taken out that loan and a semester off to fix your teeth…

Your stylist came in shortly after. He was quieter than the others had been and much nicer which you were thankful for as you changed into the white dress they had picked for you. When you came out, the stylist smiled and hooped.

“You look gorgeous!” You finished off your look with matching jewelry and a clutch purse, sitting down on the bed to put on your heels.

“It took me forever to find a pair of acceptable wedges for you, sweetheart. I don’t know why you didn’t just tough it out for one night, but hey. I get it. Country girls don’t like heels and that’s okay! It worked out.”

Again, not necessarily rude… but damn.

________________________

You were waiting in the lobby for Pedro to come out, bouncing your leg nervously and trying to remember not to touch your eyes or bite your lip because of the makeup. When you saw him step off the elevator, your breath caught in your throat. His hair was slicked back and his facial hair neatly trimmed, the black velvet suit hugging his broad shoulders perfectly.

“Wow…” He muttered, looking you up and down. “You look absolutely stunning, Abeja.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” You replied, playing with his bow tie.

“Hey, hey, no. Don’t touch it. I don’t know how to tie it back if it comes loose.” You laughed and shook your head.

“Fine… I’ll unwrap my present later.” Pedro’s own breath caught as you winked up at him. He cleared his throat and composed himself, offering you his arm.

“Ready?” You swallowed and nodded, taking his arm for him to escort you.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

________________________

You were in line for the red carpet, the flashing cameras of the paparazzi already blinding and you were still pretty far back. Your stomach churned, a wave of nausea rising up but nothing happening. Pedro took your shaking hand into his and squeezed it gently.

“You okay?” He asked, noticing how tense you were and only grew worse the closer you got.

“... fine.”

“Plan B’s still an option if you need it, Abeja. You have your medicine you can take too.” You shook your head, looking back at him to flash him a smile.

“I’m good.” You could tell that he didn’t buy your bullshit. Not even for a moment. He didn’t say anything, though, opting only to lift your hand and press a kiss to the back of it.

“I’ll be right there beside you the entire time, honey. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or need to leave, you let me know.” You nodded at him, accepting a kiss from him before looking back out the window of the limo.

Your turn came up way sooner than you would have liked, the greeter opening up the limo door as soon as the car stopped and allowing Pedro to step out into the public eye. The photographers went nuts, the flashing lights and screams from fans intimidating you more than you thought they would.

What the fuck were you thinking? You’re just some tired ass music student. You don’t belong here with all these people.

You almost chickened out and stayed in the car but when Pedro turned towards you and offered his hand you took it anyway even though your mind was screaming for you not to. Just the gentle touch of his calloused hand on yours grounded you enough to carefully step out of the limo, making sure that nothing happens to your dress.

You could hear the sounds of the crowd die down for a moment as they all started muttering to themselves. Your hand was shaking in Pedro’s larger one, the photographers gasping as soon as they saw your face. They started taking pictures faster than they ever had. The bombardment of flashing lights blinded you for a moment, but you adjusted to them quickly.

Pedro let go of your hand and put it on your back, gently leading you where you’re supposed to go.

“Okay?” He asked as he wrapped his arm around you and brought you close. You nodded. You weren’t comfortable in the slightest, but it wasn’t the worst thing ever. While both of you posed for pictures, people from the group of photographers said a lot of things to both of you. Some were kind, others were funny and got a good laugh out of you. There were also a few who were very rude, but they had been pushed aside by the others.

Overall, it wasn’t nearly as bad as you were expecting… but you were glad it was over.

________________________

You were standing aside checking your phone while Pedro did an interview with some of the press. He had offered you to be with him, but the red carpet had been more than enough fame for you. Your phone was on “do not disturb” mode, but you could still see all the notifications coming in. Your Mom, Dad, Lauren, and other friends bombarding you with messages basically asking what the fuck. You didn’t have the time to reply, so you didn’t open any of them.

Once Pedro was done with his interviews, he escorted you into the main hall where he introduced you to some of his friends and colleagues along the way. You considered it an honor to meet the people most only ever dreamed of, but you knew you didn’t deserve it. Someone else should be here, not you.

When you found your seats, Pedro offered you his hand. You took it and allowed him to seat you before he took his next to you and wrapped his arm around the back of the seat. The show started shortly after.

________________________

“And the Oscar goes to…” You held onto Pedro’s hand tightly as they opened up the envelope, your shaking hands encased in his. He had told you when he had been nominated that he didn’t expect to win it, but you could tell he had some hope as he tensely watched them read the card.

“Pedro Pascal.” You jumped up with Pedro, hugging him tightly as the audience broke out in cheers.

“You deserve it!” You told him, breaking away to give him a quick kiss. You watched him run up stage and accept the golden statue, walking up to the microphone with a few chuckles as he looked over the award.

“Wow, this is uhhh… this is incredible. Truly amazing.” He started. “I’d like to thank the Academy for this honor, my Mom and Dad who worked hard to raise me right and who supported me. My brother and two sisters for being there for me, mi Abeja for loving me unconditionally, and just… so many others. There are so many people in my life who have helped me get to this milestone and if I were to thank all of you, we’d be here all night. I love you all so very much and this truly… a dream come true. Thank you.

The crowd stands up and cheers loudly. You wanted to, but you were too busy trying to make sure your makeup doesn’t run down your face with a tissue from your clutch. Eventually, you give up trying and decide to go to the bathroom just to make sure everything still looks fine.

Your makeup looked just as flawless as it had before. You wish you would have known that the artist had used waterproof makeup so you could’ve properly celebrated Pedro’s achievement, but oh well. While you were there, you decided to use the bathroom. You didn’t have to go that bad, but might as well take care of it while you’re here.

While you were relieving yourself, you heard two other women come in.

“-ld for her. He needs to settle down with someone like us and around his age. Not some college student.” You froze solid when they realized that they were talking about you.

“I know. She isn’t even that pretty. Did you see her teeth? Do they not have braces where she comes from?”

“For real. Her body’s not that great either. Looks like she comes straight from the shack or something.”

“Wonder if that’s where he found her?” They both giggle.

“Either way, she doesn’t belong here.” You knew they were right, but you just couldn’t bare to listen anymore, pulling your underwear back up and fixing your dress after you flush the toilet.

You then run out of the bathroom, not even looking to see who the women were. It didn’t matter, though. They were right. You should have never came here and you couldn’t stay any longer.

You walked back to your seat and gently tugged on Pedro’s sleeve.

“C-Can we go… Please?” You ask, your voice shaking just as much as your hands. Pedro got up instantly when he saw the look on your face, grabbing his trophy, coat and your clutch. He didn’t ask questions as he placed his hand to the small of your back and began to escort you out of the theater.

By the time you got back into the limo you felt like you couldn’t breathe. The voices around you sounding like water as your vision became black around the edges. Oh God, is this what feels lie to die? You couldn’t die. Not now! You had so much to do, so much t-

Something extremely cold suddenly touched your face, the blackness around your vision fading slightly as you looked up to whoever had put something so damn cold on you.

You were instantly met with the warm eyes of your boyfriend, concern laced on his brow as he gently dabbed a cold washcloth over your face. You could see his mouth moving, but you couldn’t make out what he was saying over the pounding of your heart, but it eventually calmed down enough to where you could begin to hear him.

“There we go, bee… that’s it sweetheart. Nice and easy.” Your breathing slowly calmed down, Pedro cradling you in his arms as your panic attack faded.

“I should have never come here…” You muttered. “I don’t belong here. All these fancy dresses, the flashing cameras, nice cars… I don’t deserve any of this.” Pedro placed a kiss to your forehead.

“Don’t say things like that, Abeja. You deserve this just as much as anyone. And as far as not belonging, trust me when I say I don’t either. And, frankly, I’m fine with that. All of these designer clothes, the mindless gossip, the broken homes, being surrounded by so many but still alone? That’s not really a life worth living. The world of Beautiful People is a lonely life, one that I would rather not live.”

You wasn’t sure what to say, so you just didn’t say anything, curling up as close as you could to him.

He made you take a dose of your anxiety medication when you got back to the hotel, taking it with a swig of water before laying down and curling up close to him. You laid your head on his shoulder, the sounds of his breathing and the gentle feeling of his hand caressing your own shoulder lulling you.

Right before you doze off, you heard him say:

“No matter what any of them has said, you’re perfect the way you are and deserve everything.”

________________________

You wake up the next morning still wrapped up in his arms. You lay there for a while just talking and enjoying one another’s company before he finally got up to use the bathroom.

You reach for your phone on the nightstand, turning off “do not disturb” mode for the first time since yesterday afternoon.

Your phone was overloaded. Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, everywhere was flooded. You didn’t even know where to begin.

Eventually, you just give up trying to put a dent into anything and returned Lauren’s list of missed calls. She answered on the second ring.

“You tell me every little detail, you sneaky bitch. And I mean everything!”

[podcastwizard]

I actually am curious about what you dislike about graduation! Personally I’m enjoying it but finding it harder to stay focused on it/listen to new episodes but it took me a while to get into amnesty too and I ended up liking it so I’m still trying to give it time.

alright but before we get into it, remember this is my opinion, it’s ok if you disagree, and this is not an attack on travis! (that disclaimer wasn’t targeted specifically at you, asker, just anyone who might be reading!) also i haven’t listened past ep. 10, so this is what i’ve noticed up to ep. 10.

travis very much knows exactly where he wants his story to go. i get it, you have a detailed plot and backstory and you want all of the beats to hit. but he offers little to no choice for the players and when he does offer “choices,” they’re limited and do nothing for the story line (ex., letting a character choose where they spend their time but then ultimately progressing the story in the same way.) it takes a lot of skill to keep the story on track but still allow player choice, i acknowledge that, but i don’t think travis is quite there yet.

the world building is fascinating but over-explained. i love the idea of bureaucracy playing a part in the hero/villain narrative, but the details of accounting and finance and legal jargon bog it all down. they would serve better as jokes or flavor than as genuine mechanics. it’s kind of like an over-explained magic system at this point, and there are tons of essays on why a magic system is better when it’s vague, but essentially, it’s more interesting if you let the audience figure some things out for themselves.

travis is trying to speed up the character relationships without giving the players time or space to develop them. i know we all want to see the characters have the same level of intimacy and emotional connection as they did by the end of balance, but that takes time and effort. the sudden narrative jumps in time play a factor in this i think - there have been times where travis tells the players that their characters are close friends without the narrative justifying it in the slightest.

to the player’s credit, i have noticed griffin, justin, and clint push back on this a little bit. i can’t remember specifics, but i remember them all deciding “no, we’re not close enough for that interaction yet” and making appropriate character choices at different times. that was great!

and speaking of characters, way too many of them. way too many npcs with the same personality and who serve the same purpose. this is a little easier to maintain in a written medium, but they definitely should have been introduced slower and have a point to the narrative. other people brought this up, too, and they also brought it up during commitment. 

the pacing. the pacing is very slow, and that’s something people have brought up before. maybe it’s sped up recently, but there were scenes i would literally skip through because they did nothing to serve a) the plot, b) character development, or c) world-building, which every scene in every piece of media should support at least one of. for example, the scene where the firbolg returns a library book comes to mind.

again, this might have changed in recent episodes, but travis seems to fight against conflict. the scene with the monster in the cave comes to mind, in which the boys have clearly come up with a plan to fight it and travis pushes back against their plan by insisting the monster “isn’t bad.” same thing with the other students and professors - villains are “assholes, but still a good guy,” professors “are strict, but just want to see you succeed.” at episode 10, i should have some idea of an antagonist, even if it’s not the main antagonist - as an example, harry potter meeting draco malfoy or percy jackson meeting clarisse la rue - not the main villain by a long shot, but enough to add conflict to the story. by episode 10, all we had was some vague whisperings of “demons in the woods.” not enough for conflict.

whoo, yeah, that was a lot. just as a reminder (if you actually read the whole thing, in which case, thank you) it’s ok if you disagree. it’s also ok if you agree with some of these points and still like the podcast! what’s not ok is attacking the creator directly - critiquing the content is different than attacking the creator as long as we all remain polite and respectful. and also, don’t tag or @ creators on critiques. if they want constructive criticism they will ask someone they trust, not a stranger on the internet.

[imnotwolverine]

The marriage pact - Baby talk

Henry Cavill x OC Alice - multi-chapter

< Part 13 | Part 14 Baby talk | Part 15 >

Disclaimer: reference to doing the naughty 🤭

Author’s note: Since I’m both on a wild writing spree and quite terrible at fixing my own grammatical errors / checking on word flow..do I maybe, just maybe, have some fic-readers on here who’d like to proof read my material before I post it? Anyone? There’s some 10-ish chapters left on this story, in case you wish to know how much work that’d be. Greetings from my writing nook! 🤓❤️

Word count: 1.349

(Link to my Masterlist)

Dear readers,

It is a time of many new beginnings, including the start of a search for a place of my own.

“Why move?” You may due-fully ask, to which I’ll answer; “Well, I need some darn privacy, okay?!”

Now, please do know that I definitely do not wish to nag. In fact my current living arrangement isn’t half as bad as I first presumed it would be. My parents are adorable people and my room hadn’t changed a bit since I left; and it sure is comfortable. Besides, it’s rather nice to have family around and be in a house full with life and laughter, the kitchen always smelling of freshly baked cakes and cookies, the living room buzzing with my dad’s classic rock.

But, being 37 and having a decent paying job and cares and wishes of my own, it simply is time for me to spread my wings and rebuild a life elsewhere. Which, once again, appears to be more difficult than I wished it to be, because apparently nice apartments are sparse on the Channel Islands.

Do you want more than a tiny shack which barely fits your bed and a dining table for four? Then you better have a fat check book or a whole lotta luck.

So yes, in my case; luck it is. Would you cross some fingers for me again?

Much appreciated,

Ali

‘Ooodoo-doo-doo.’ I cooed, squishing Kal’s furry cheeks between my grabby hands, the dog happily wagging his tail as Henry took the moment to clip a leash onto the Akita’s sturdy collar.

‘Going for a walk!’ Henry yelled into the back of the house, his parents probably enjoying some elevenses on the back porch, the grand seaside house quiet. Henry shrugged as no response came, his smiling face beaming at me. ‘Alright then, let’s go.’

Kal barked in excitement, jumping on all fours as I pulled open the front door, the morning breeze welcoming us with hot restless licks. Like it had become near custom, I would hook my hand around Henry’s arm, our footfalls perfectly in tune as we walked down the road, our eyes aimlessly wandering over the silver blue waves. It was nice like this. Simple, but nice.

‘Did you tell your parents about your plans to move yet?’ Henry asked, his voice near lost in the seaside wind that slapped us in the face - the beach was getting nearer.

‘Not really. You know how my mom is; she can get a bit overdramatic.’ I smiled, seeing the beach was quite busy this morning. Many children running cheerfully through the surf of the sea, their feet followed by equally cheerful women waddling with large, rounded bellies, promising even more to come. More children. More happy feet trailing through the wet sand.

Thankfully I wasn’t alone in my quiet stares, Henry squeezing my hand even closer to his chest, offering me a silent but affirmative; “I know, Ali, I can see it too.”

I sighed quietly and tugged on Henry’s arm, leading us down the sandy dunes until we reached a wood logged path, offering us some steady footing instead of having to work our way through the muggy sand. 

Kal happily sniffed around, making our pace far slower as we waited up for the dog every other step or so. ‘So how are you today?’ I asked, looking at Henry as he focused on Kal sniffing through some long dune grass. He clicked his tongue when the dog got a little over-excited, his nose digging into the plant. ‘Okay for now. Though not really looking forward to picking up travelling again. I mean. There’s some fun bits, but it’s also nice to be out here with…’ His voice trailed off as he looked at me with large loving eyes, the rest of his words unspoken. He smiled simply, satisfaction clear on his shaved cheeks.

‘I’ll miss having you around.’ I smiled, far less satisfied and more worried. Would this be the end of our little fling-thing again?

‘I don’t want this to end Ali.’ He said, halting us both and looking into my eyes, trusting Kal wouldn’t be digging up dirty diapers for this one important moment. ‘As much as I appreciate you telling me you’ll miss me..I don’t want that to be necessary. I hate it. And I’ll do anything in my power to prevent this from going south again. We’ve had enough practise now. Let’s..’ He licked his lips, locking hopeful eyes with mine. ‘..let’s make it work this time.’

—

Warm, strong fingers wrapped around mine, the doctor peering at us from over the tip of her glasses, her curious eyes studying Henry perhaps just a bit too much. Sure, it was not everyday that this superstar sinks down in your chair, because he and his ..eh..partner..want to learn about planned parenthood at a later age.

I had been rather quiet through-out the visit, having heard most of the info before, but Henry seemed to be more than a little prepared, asking a gazillion questions. He had been most excited when I had hesitantly proposed he could join me and now here we were. Once again in this tiny doctor’s office, the desk before us filled with leaflets and my notebook which Henry now eagerly used to jot down points we still needed to research.

We. Us. Me and him.

The very idea seemed so very surreal, that I was growing increasingly worried that we were in fact just continuing to build this crazy fantasy. Sure, we might be a good sexual fit. Sure, we were good at talking. Sure, we had quite a few shared hobbies and enjoyed the same things, wanted the same things. But what we didn’t have just yet was time together. And that is where I got a little anxious. I was not made for long distance relationships. I needed physicality, I needed HIM. And no matter what he’d do, it was more than likely that distance would come in between us.

But that was a concern for another moment.

Now we were here to talk babies. BABIES! Kids. Pups. Off-spring. Mini-me’s. And maybe, very maybe, mini-Henry’s. But we were yet to come to a decision on that. First we wanted to know all available options and discuss it thoroughly. We were together for one and a half month now. That was..nothing. That was…

His fingers squeezed more tightly around mine and I looked up, meeting those deep, warm ceruleans of his. ‘Looks like we have plenty to work through.’ He said, his voice surprisingly dark..almost..husky. Was he ..eh..aroused? I blinked for a moment, then quickly steered my attention back towards the doctor, who didn’t seem to miss the subtle hints that he sent my way. She raised a careful, slightly amused eyebrow, trying her best to keep a professional look on her face.

‘Yea..thanks again Doctor.’ I nodded, making sure we’d get out of there before he’d decide to ravish me right there on that tiny desk.

—

By the time we got to his parents place there was no time left for formalities - and how glad I was that his parents were out to visit some of their friends on that particular moment. We barely made it to the couch, our desperate hands tugging on clothes, lips firing heated kisses, no words or actual talk managing to get past our lips. 

It was more than a little apparent, that of all things that we were good at doing together, THIS was definitely one of them. As practised as our morning walks on the beach, so practised were our fingers as they dragged over hot, shivering skin, aching to be touched. 

‘We really need to..talk.’ I panted, feeling his hot breath in my neck, his five-a-clock shadow rubbing deliciously on my skin. ‘L-l.’ Henry groaned. ‘..Later.’ He rumbled, already digging down his pocket for a condom. 

Now there was one and simple conclusion to be made here: of all things that could get Henry hot and bothered, family planning MOST DEFINITELY was one of them.

--

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[gutterdreams]

Ten Feet Over PT 2 [Billy Hargrove]

Part One Masterlist

Disclaimer: I don’t own the GIF or Stranger Things. Word Count: 4.2 k Warnings: Swearing.

* There will be a part 3 and I’m very excited to write it. Thanks for reading!

Monday couldn’t have come quick enough for Billy. He felt parched having resisted contact with you for the rest of the weekend. Multiple times he felt inclined to call toy, but distracted himself with working out, helping his dad clean out the crawl space, and even finishing a homework assignment that he hadn’t had any intention of starting. When Susan suggested he invite you over for dinner, he lied and said you were busy. Billy laid awake in bed, headphones on and hands folded behind his head, just looking for your face in the ceiling. It crossed his mind to get up, get dressed, and drive to your house. Twice, he shot up and threw the covers off his body, but he always laid back down in defeat. It wasn’t as if you were making the effort to speak to him right now.

Billy couldn’t shake the recollection of how broken you appeared, a discarded kitten shivering and crying in the chair that he shoved you into. He would close his eyes and see it, haunting him and reminding him of what monstrous weight lived inside him. He couldn’t help, but be scared that you weren’t going to forgive him, that he had pushed you away completely. He prayed that come Monday, he could talk his way out of trouble. Before his eyes finally gave up and shut, he decided he would find you before the first bell rang and plead his case. Unfortunately, he woke up late since it took him ages to actually fall asleep. Max was banging on his door and irking him back to reality when he rolled out of bed. After dropping the little ginger haired girl off at the junior high, Billy just barely pulled into his school parking lot in time. The first bell had already ring and he hadn’t even jogged inside yet. He had wanted to stop by the grocery store and buy you flowers, but now he would have to make do with just his bare hands and whatever fancy talk his brain could muster. At least, he had the first period to try and come up with something. Billy used the five minutes in-between classes to search for you in the hallway. He swore everyone was taller suddenly and moving slower than usual. Billy shoved people out of the way, weaving through shoulders, but he didn’t so much as catch a glance at the back of your head. He made it to his next class and sighed with frustration. School was really getting in the way of his plans today. He walked between the row of classes to get to the window seat he always claimed for himself in English. He stopped at Nancy Wheeler’s desk this time and leaned back to address her. She saw him, smelled his cologne first, but kept looking down at the assigned paperback.  Whenever she had to, Nancy ignored Billy’s existence. “Hey, is [Y/N] here today?” He asked, wiping the corners of his mouth with a wrist as if his question was casual. There was a chance that, maybe, you were sick or something. It didn’t even occur to Billy that you might have stayed home to avoid having to breathe the same air as him.   Nancy kept her eyes on the page she was open on, reading the same sentence for the third time since he started talking to her. “I haven’t seen her…” Billy kept going. When she sighed and flattened the book out, annoyed, he wondered if she knew about what had unfortunately happened between the two of you on Saturday, how he had lost his temper. Billy figured Nancy didn’t know because he knew if she did that she would be screaming at him like a rabid banshee. “Yes.” Nancy finally answered him, using her most unpleasant voice to show off how much she disliked him. “She was in calculus this morning.”   Nodding, Billy thanked her with a tap on her desk with three of his callused fingers and then stuffed himself behind the desk that was stained with his mindless pen doodles. He didn’t pay attention throughout English class. They spent the first fifteen minutes talking about the different themes of East of Eden, but he just sat with his thumb in the middle of Chapter 3 while looking sorrowfully out the window. They were supposed to do solo reading for the rest of class, making notes for their papers as they pleased, but Billy just stared at the stale pages, not taking in a single word. He looked for the letters of your name in every paragraph and then checked the clock. The day was moving at a snail’s pace. When lunch came, he checked his parking spot. He was convinced that you would be waiting by his car as sometimes, though rarely, you beat him out of class and met him by the hood of the Camaro. His heart fell softly into his chest when you weren’t there looking for him. Billy cursed under his breath and ignored Chuck and Tommy waiting near his car, waving at him to join them. Determined to sort things out so he could feel better, Billy headed to the cafeteria. If you were in your morning class, you were around. From the open door, he looked around the crowded room and found you within thirty seconds. You didn’t shine like you usually did. You are sitting deflated between Nancy and Danica, across from your best friend since Mommy & Me swim class, Trish. The only person missing was Barb, but you tried not to dwell on her absence. Billy watched you stir your yogurt around mindlessly, paying more attention to the mild blueberry swirl in it than anything anyone was saying. He could tell you were feeling off and he hoped that he wasn’t responsible for that. It took him a second to work up the courage to approach your table. There was nothing more frightening than a group of emotional teenage girls in Billy’s experience. They made a very powerful army. He took a deep breath and laid a flat hand on his abs then walked over, knocking into people as he did. Billy stood at the end your table like an outcast and earned a glance from Nancy that made it plain he was not welcome followed by a friendly wave from Trish. You didn’t so much as acknowledge his arrival. Instead you pretended your yogurt cup was interesting, so he cleared his throat for your attention. It was easy to keep yourself from looking at him. He had scared you more than any horror film or front page news story ever had, but there were sounds he made when he walked, small gestures his hands always performed, and his musk that you had been addicted to. It made it impossible to not know he was there. He cleared his throat again, but this time Nancy dug her eyes into him like untrimmed cat claws and Trish just looked between the two of you, plainly muddled. Billy leaned in, both hands on the table and try, “Hey, can we talk?” It was simple and probably a worn out line, but it was all he could work up the courage to ask. It was frustrating when you didn’t respond and continued to ignore him, but he understood why. He wasn’t so unreasonable. Billy sighed and tried again, “We really need to talk.” You could feel your best friend’s eyes dilating toward the crown of your head that you were keeping bowed. You hadn’t shared with anyone what transpired on Saturday night. For a reason you didn’t fully comprehend, you felt embarrassed. Billy felt like he had given you more than enough time. You two spent all of Sunday apart and every second until right now. Personally, he could not wait any longer. He tried to be quiet, let you have a moment, but his eyes studied you nervously to try and read your next move. He noticed instantly that your neckline was bare. You were wearing a red blouse with black squares uneven all over it, tied up just underneath your navel. It was buttoned up just past your cleavage and Billy stared at the space where the necklace he had given you was usually sitting. You had loved it and lit up like Christmas lights when he gave it to you in your backyard, the two of you cuddled up in your autumn attire on the bottom porch step. It had never come off your body since he clipped it together there that day. You wore it in the shower, during sex, and everything in between. Billy’s heart began to twitch off beat when he saw it wasn’t on your person anymore. Since you weren’t speaking to him or even giving him a single glance, Billy stalked around the table and sat across from you, right beside Trish, earning himself an eye roll from Nancy that could have reached Neptune. “[Y/N]?” Like a good friend, Trish worried as her eyes paced between you and the guy she had only befriended because you asked her to. She was weary of Billy, but lightened up when it became evident that he was very serious about you. She was frightened in the beginning that he was just looking for prey. You looked up at her meekly, but Billy memorized your expression. You seemed annoyed, but mostly unsteady. Usually, he was the one you looked to when you felt that way. He hated how the tables had turned. This wasn’t how he meant for things to go. “Where’s your necklace?” Very concerned, he asked.  Billy folded his arms over the table’s surface and leaned in, prompting you to pull yourself back and let out a nervous exhale. All your friends watched as you stood up from the table, gathering your backpack from the floor beneath the bench and your half drank lemonade bottle from the table. “I’ll see you guys. I’m going to go…work on…” You had no plans. You were leaving just to get away from Billy. “something. Chemistry or something.” It was a lie. You were currently in Biology and they all knew it. You had barely walked six steps away from the table, but Billy was up from the bench and chasing after you. He almost walked over top of Jared Peabody to get to you as you were walking out of the cafeteria double doors and into the bright white hallway. “Hey.” He walked behind you, almost on top of your heels as you kept heading straight. Eyes clenched, you pretended you couldn’t feel his pace right up against your back. “[Y/N/N] - “ He reached out and two of his dry fingers brushed against your elbow. With a hitched breath, you jerked your arm forward and cower. The lemonade bottle dropped the floor, but you didn’t bother to pick it up.

Billy stopped only at the sight of you flinching and had to catch his own breath, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” It was loaded to him and squeezed on his heart to say, but to your ears, it felt empty. He bent at the knees and picked  up your drink. “You should come over tonight.” Carefully moving around you, checking on your expression from the side, Billy suggested as if things were normal between you both. “I have to watch Max ‘til Susan’s home around six, but we can just hang out in my room.” Honestly, it sounded like a dream to him. Billy swore if he could just have a few minutes with you in both his arms, curled up on his single bed, that he could make everything all better.

Hugging your elbows, moving your hands up and down your arms in an effort to give yourself comfort, Billy leaned against the brick wall in front of you and waited for you to speak. You were looking under his elbows, beyond the water fountain, but concentrating on nothing. As you mindlessly moved the short sleeves of your blouse up and then down, he saw the vivid slate blue spots. They were left behind from his thumbs and middle fingers like a violent dot to dot activity on your skin. Billy felt his own ribs ache as if someone was jabbing into them with their phalanges. He squinted away, unable to look at what represented what a demon he feared he was becoming. Both hands tightened around the lemonade bottle, desperate to be busy. He glanced down at them and felt disgusted. He wished he could just cut them off. They were weapons, they had hurt you, and he hated them for it. He hated himself for it. Weakly, he managed to speak through the silence that was killing him from the inside out, “Do you want to come over tonight?” In response, you shook your head like a little kid who was on a timeout. Your shoulders and neck were tight together as you held in the tears that were stuck behind your nose, making you feel congested. “I don’t want to be alone with you.” As if it was a secret meant for only your ears, you barely whispered. It stung Billy as if you slashed him in the middle of his stomach. He felt his center give out slightly and his shoulders drop. “We could go somewhere else then…” The fact that he felt like he needed to give you an alternative now burned internally. You were supposed to want to be alone in his bedroom with him. You two were a couple. Still, Billy was relentless on a quest to get his own way, “I don’t know, the park. Max can skate around, we can hang out.” There was always other people at the park. It used to annoy him because he would bring beer and hoped to get drunk and make out with you on the tire swing, "I know I overreacted..." He offered out one bare hand, a gesture he felt he could safely test the mood with. “Don’t touch me.” Still refusing to look up at him, you instructed coldly. “Come on…” This felt unfair to him. He moved closer, but it just prompted you to jolt back. “[Y/N], you’re my girlfriend. I love you.” He had to pant between sentiments. Right now, they felt a lot heavier than words coming from his throat. It was a desperate plea. “I’m not your girlfriend!” It was a visceral truth shooting out from your diaphragm. The halls were practically bare, but anyone in a room down the way could have heard. Finally, yours and Billy’s eyes met each others, but he looked gutted while you finally were able to breathe for the first time since he approached you in the cafeteria. “Yes, you are.” In total disbelief, he said back as if he was the one who got to decide. “No, I’m not! I am done with this…I am done feeling like an idiot! I am over… I am over being with you, Billy!” The feelings that had been arguing with your heart that still longed for Billy’s attention were finally pouring out, splashing him like boiling water fresh from a screaming kettle. Even if you hadn’t looked as crushed as you did, Billy could feel the tender pain radiating from your face. “I promise….” He went in for your wrists, but you ripped them away as soon as his fingertips were against them, surprising him instantly. “I promise to work on it.” Billy really wished he had made time to stop for flowers this morning. Truthfully, he was sure that they would help his case here and earn him forgiveness from you quicker. “Your promises don’t mean anything!” Your scream hit a note you didn’t know if you had reached before, scratching your throat as it did.

“That’s it?” Like a wet towel being wrung out in the sink, Billy’s face came together and questioned you with disbelief written all over his frustrated face. How was this happening? You two were perfect together. “There’s no more you and I because of an accident?” 

The question prompted you to stop, your heart still thumping through your chest, but your breath lightening up. Were you overreacting? It had been a thought that tangled itself around your brain, but the bruises on your skin always answered it with a firm ‘no’. The agonizing hurt of your words was evident, practically glossy, on Billy’s face and you weren’t sure what to do. He might have hurt you, but you didn’t want to retaliate. Everything felt so confusing.

“Babe, come over and - “ He checked with the toes of his boots and started up again.

“I don’t love you anymore.” The words hitched in your voice, but you managed to say it right to him. Instead of looking him in the eyes, your pupils connected to his shoulder that was leaning in and you watched  it slouched down. 

Right in the heart, your verbal bullet had pierced him and Billy felt like he had just had the wind knocked out of him. It reminded him of when he was a kid and his dad accidentally pushed him so hard on the swing set at the park near their house that he had flown off and landed in the rocks flat on his ass. He was too stunned to wail or make any expression beyond dumbfounded. “I don’t love you anymore.” Like a ballad that he would hate, you said softer this time. Hearing it again, Billy knew he wasn’t dreaming. His body ached at your confession as if it was being burned from the inside out, embers sizzling at a record pace internally. His lungs flared and he wanted to add more ash to the merciless fire. He needed an entire carton of smokes. “You’re just upset. You’ll get over it.” He sounded as if he was assuring you, but mostly Billy was trying to convince himself of what he was saying. He spun around in one swift motion and started to head down the hall, seeking a safe place to rage. “You just need to cool down…” While he might have felt a world of anger, Billy was still of sound enough mind to know that freaking out wouldn’t bring you back to him right now. He needed to fix his impulsive reactions. 

Once he had turned the corner and out of your line of sight, he whipped the plastic lemonade bottle down the hall. Billy threw his hand into an open locker door and slammed it. Then he gripped it and just kept slamming it over, and over, and over again until his fingers felt numb from clutching the metal so intensely. You heard every time the locker closed again. Everyone coming out of the cafeteria or walking around the school could. In every sense of the expression, you were between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, it was natural for you to want to go to Billy when he was in pain and in need of comfort, but on the other hand, there was a brand new crack in the foundation and you weren’t sure how to walk along with him over it now. Everything felt uncertain and uneasy. Flinching as you stood alone in the hallway, listening to his tantrum, you felt a small hand on your shoulder and jumped. It was just Nancy, Trish glowing behind her like the curvy Stevie Nicks inspired goddess she was. “Gossip in the girl’s room?” Trish offered, just as you would if she was the one looking like they had just watched Endless Love alone, in the dark, on your period. For the first time you felt confident in yourself and nodded ‘yes’. Nancy took the lead, walking straight to the nearest girl’s room while Trish threw an arm over your shoulder and pulled you into her pillowy breasts. They were ways strangely a wonderful source of comfort. “He’s such an animal.” Nancy expressed through a grimace as she pushed the door open. Billy had only just stopped using the locker like a cymbal. “Sorry, I know he’s your boyfriend, but -” As you walked through the door she was holding open, Nancy tried to explain herself. “We aren’t together right now.” Sounding guilty, you admitted with your chin dipped into your neck. Well, you didn’t think you two were. You had just told him you didn’t love him anymore. “Okay, what’s going on?” Trish wasted no time. The bathroom door swung shut and she stood in front of you right beside the sink with her arms crossed your under her boobs. She wanted the dish. “Why was Billy so desperate to talk to you?” She felt like that was the best place to start. “Or why was he trying to rip a locker door off?” Nancy usually didn’t waste her time questioning why Billy did any of the bizarre things he did, but for the sake of getting the scoop, she would play along. “On Saturday…” Scratching at your hairline, you began. “We just…we got into a big fight. I was mad at him about helping Stephanie…” “Hoe.” Like the ultimate hype girl she was, Trish didn’t miss a beat. “It just escalated.” You didn’t want to come out and say it. There was still a hole in your brain, the part of how it all happened felt fuzzy. Not to mention, you felt confused and ashamed. It wasn’t the kind of thing you shared casually. Besides, you didn’t know if, maybe, you were overreacting. Truthfully, you didn’t know how you felt at all. You were going back and forth constantly between livid, crushed, sympathetic, forgiving, confused, and all the way back to embarrassed. “Elaborate.” Nancy’s mind went to the worst place possible as she leaned back against the cold wall, the garbage beside her full of barely used brown paper towel. “What do you mean it escalated?” With Billy, that was never something minor. She had seen him go from sitting with his hands flat on his lap to pummeling a guy just for breathing too loudly. Trying your best to keep cool, you examined both your friend’s faces. Trish seemed light. To her, there was no real reason to freak out yet. Nancy, on the other hand, was already pissed off.  She sensed your fear and that was enough for her to react. “He just…I don’t know if I can get over it or not…I’m not sure.” The fight with Billy was all you had been thinking about since he left Saturday night, but yet, you had no firm answers at all. Everything was still on the fence. Were you just upset? Were you over it? Did you really not love him anymore? “Did he fuck her?” Trish bluntly asked, leaning in and ready to turn the school upside down for you. “I can kill them at the same time. I’ll find a way.” “No. No.” Shaking your head, you refuted. “Well, I don’t think so.” “So, what did the big ape do?” Nancy rolled her eyes, frustrated that you hadn’t come out and said it yet. “Stop protecting him and tell us.” “He just really freaked out. Totally unleashed. I’ve never been in his line of fire before.” Now you were worried that the flames from him were all you could see. He was proceeded by smoke. It was so hard to look beyond. Nancy wasn’t surprised, but she was still heartbroken to hear that what she assumed would happen had. “Tell me, he didn’t hit you.” She knew that he was the Prince of the Suckerpunch. She imagined that it would be all over your face in various textures and colors if he had, but then again, Billy could be sneaky. Nancy’s heart raced as she pushed off the bathroom wall and approached you. “No. He didn’t.” You swore to them both with honest eyes. Of course, you had been terrified that he was going to. Now, you just worried what they would say or think if you shared how he held you down in the chair as if he wanted to break your bones through it. “It just sort of felt like he might.” Instantly, you shut your lips and looked away from your reflection in the dirty mirror above the sink. You said too much. They would never forgive Billy now even if it was the truth. “Well, obviously, you’re never talking to him again.” Nodding, Trish assumed out loud and made it law between your clique. “Yeah. If he has stuff of yours or you have things of his, leave that to us. I’m not scared of that man-child.” Nancy reached forward and squeezed your forearm in an attempt to be comforting. In fact, she had half a mind to go over to Billy’s place without your permission and give him a large piece of her mind.  “I’m fine. It’s fine. I just…I don’t know.” You wished the right thing to do was clearer. Then again, nothing with Billy was.   “No. You do know.” Nancy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “If you stay with him, that’s it. I’ll never talk to you again.” She was coming on strong, but she was also being honest. Nancy couldn’t support this anymore, not when her good friend looked so terrified all day. “I lost Barb and I’m not losing you because Billy has a bad temper. No way.” She held your stare as Trish nodded along to every word. “Fuck Billy Hargrove!” She shouted and accidentally made you chuckle with a tear falling from one eye. “Say it.” Softly, like the way you were told nice girls behaved, you shook your head 'no’ and wiped your face on the shoulder or your blouse. “Fuck Billy Hargrove!” Trish screamed for you and then moved to the bathroom door, ripping it open and yelling the sentiment again, “Hey Hawkins! Fuck Billy Hargrove.” She declared into the hall. You laughed again and Nancy pulled you in close to her side and led you out of the girl’s room, the two girls shouting the same three words into the air until you joined in as you moved back to the cafeteria. It was like sunlight finding a tear in the storm clouds to peek through. While gently, you were still laughing and that was all thanks to your friends. You had a hunch the sinking feeling that your deteriorating relationship gave you would only feel worse without them. 

TO BE CONTINUED

@aty-cgca7 @desertsivan1995 @stevesharrlngtons @stephaniecats @penguinlover15 @daddyslittlemunster  @4-a-m​ @lovelydacre​ @princessnancy​ @ineedacureforme​ @kaliforniacoastalteens​ @can-youmoveyourseatup​ @characterobsessed​ @mistressofmanyfandoms​ @inspiredbynewt​ @gemgemswift @eggo-child @fearwill @queen-of-the-pineapples

@happelu970​ @moonlightbae14​ @tegan-eva​ @acnini​ @fangirlinganditswonders​ @holy-minseok @flirtygerty​

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Shadowhunters Season 3 Episode 5 -- Stronger Than Heaven -- Review

Welcome to another Shadowhunters review. In other words, that time of the week where I'm reminded that as bad as a Supernatural episode written by Bucklemming is, their episodes are still masterpieces compared to the overall writing of Shadowhunters...and that's saying something. This week we have season 3 episode 5, Stronger Than Heaven. And it's recently dawned on me how unsubtle this show is with even its episode titles. Most tv shows will title an episode normally as a double meaning. It'll have something to do with the plot but it'll also typically coincide with a theme the characters are exploring in that episode. Not Shadowhunters though. They literally tell you what's going to happen in the title. When you hear the title, "Stronger Than Heaven," you think epic romance most likely. We equate heaven to love a lot of the time but no, this title is in reference to an actual event in the episode. Subtlety...the Shadowhunters writers' achilles heel.

So some weeks back, I made a post about my thoughts and opinions on the Dom Controversy and I got a lot of new followers because of that. Apparently, some of you think I'm really wise and mature for saying the things I said in that post. And whereas I'm honored that you're showing an interest in me, I would like to preface this review with saying that I am NOT a huge supporter of this show. I do enjoy certain elements of it but I'm not what would be classified as a devoted fan. For me, Shadowhunters is not a good show and I do get very critical of the show in my reviews. Honestly, for me, I watch the show because 1) I'm too curious not to and 2) I find that this show can be so bad its funny and that's how I reap enjoyment out of it. I am not at all invested in this show or its characters anymore. If you're a die hard fan and you lash out at everyone who has a different opinion than you, you might want to skip these. I'm just saying. My reviews may not be for you. If you do decide to be a total troll, well then pay attention to the below disclaimer. 

This is going to be an honest review of my thoughts and feelings regarding this episode. If you're the kind of Shadowhunters fan where you only want to hear positive things about the show, this is not the place for you. If you decide to stick around and get offended by what is said, then that's on you. I warned you. Just know that if you send me any rude comments or messages, I will 100% ignore you. I find that's the best way to deal with bullies. I work 14 hour days. Do you really think I want to waste my incredibly valuable free time dealing with derogatory comments? Hell no. This review will consist of my honest opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong. I'm not telling YOU how to think and feel. I'm telling you what I, quirky and socially awkward me, think and feel. So please, lets discuss with dignity and respect. If I'm critical about this show, it's only because I want it to get better. There is, in fact, a difference between hating a show and being critical of it. I do not hate Shadowhunters, I am being critical and analyzing the flaws as I would with any other show. There are positives but there are also negatives. It's great if you want to promote positivity with this show (and I encourage you to do so) but that doesn't mean I'm not going to point out the things that are legitimately wrong with it. Also, keep in mind that despite the fact that I do like the books, me being critical of this show has nothing to do with my fondness for the books. I don't really care if the show deviates from the source material as long as the changes are good, it makes sense, and it doesn't create plot holes within the confines of the world the show has created. My problems with this show are problems I would have with any show or book for that matter. I think it's perfectly reasonable to take issue with a show that has plot holes, shoddy world building, and inconsistent characters. There will be spoilers for the books and movie. 

I will admit I was feeling this episode a little more than I was feeling the previous ones. We actually had some fleshed out plots. Not well fleshed out, but fleshed out enough for me to note the improvement. I'm still not invested in most of the plots, I think they're dull and are being executed in a very bland way, but hey, at least the show is spending a more equal time with the plots. The dialogue, once again, is also hurting me, like really bad. I'll come back to the dialogue later. We also had some weird very strange music cues. Intense music scores were inserted in scenes that weren't all that intense and they made me laugh. I also am so close to deciding to start a petition to get Freeform to change their opening credits song. That song slows down the pacing of the beginning of the episode so badly. This episode's opening scene was already pretty slow and uninteresting and then it turns to the theme song which had even slower pacing than the dialogue delivery in the previous scene. Seriously, I almost fell asleep within the first 5 minutes of this episode. But let's crack this melon that's supposedly stronger than heaven.

Jace/Simon/Jordan -- The Second Place Hotly Trinity of Bromance

I'll start with the good stuff. I loved anything to do with Jace/Simon/Jordan in this episode. My second place hotly trinity of bromance has at last come together. First place hotly trinity of bromance of course goes to Sam, Dean, and Cas from Supernatural -- with some sexual Destiel subtext thrown in the mix. But hey, if the show never goes the Destiel route, I'll be a little bummed but I'm fine with reading them as a bromance, as well. 

So in this episode, Simon is going through some rough times. He supposedly has a gig at the Hunter's Moon but is having problems as someone seems to have cancelled the gig. He's betting it's the Jade Wolf pack. But Simon runs into Jace and in some extremely clunky dialogue, tells Jace about the Mark of Cain. We get some great Jace/Simon banter that I've missed. It was cheesy but the actors made it work. Jace decides he's going to figure out who's after Simon not because he cares about Simon but because he knows Clary would want him to. Jace goes to Simon's apartment and after a brief meeting with "Kyle" Jace is instantly suspicious. They break into Jordan's room and Jace realizes that Simon is roommates with a werewolf. Jordan also walks in on them invading his privacy and Jace goes all shadowhunter mode and demands Jordan tell them who he really is. And I really liked this part. Seeing Jace get all fierce and protective of Simon was something I never knew I wanted until I got it. So I will give you that, show. It reminded me of the 2A finale...so many Jimon feels. Jordan reveals he's a member of the Praetor Lupus and Jace backs off recognizing that Jordan means no harm. Simon is understandably hurt because he stumbled upon this guy who only pretended to be his friend. We also find out that Jordan is the one who cancelled his gig. He's trying to keep Simon in the apartment where he'll be safe and no one will try and hurt him and by default hurt themselves. Simon decides to move out but Jace gets Simon to agree to move back in. Simon tells Jordan that he's not going to spend his life cooped up in an apartment. He does have an immortal life so that would suck. Simon has a successful gig and he gets paid, supposedly. I still have no idea how he paid for half of his equipment. He has no steady job with a steady income. Those instrumental synthesizers cost a lot of money. And the upkeep of them? Equally expensive. Also, his style of music keeps on changing, I've noticed.

As I said, all of this Simon/Jace/Jordan stuff was great but I do wish that the show had spent maybe one more episode building up Simon and Jordan as roommates so when Simon understood that he met Jordan on purpose, that hurt would've resonated more with me, as the audience. From our perspective, it only feels like Simon has been rooming with Jordan for one, two days at the most. It was a little hard for me to believe that Simon would be as hurt as he was.

Malec Drama's Back...and unlike Backstreet Boys, not sure if I want this back

So Malec drama is starting back up again. Basically it's the fight from the second half of the TMI books. Alec being insecure with the relationship and all that jazz. Which is good, I didn't necessarily hate this aspect of the episode but the show has a tendency when they let Malec drama fester, to turn it into this childish, horrible thing. But I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope the writers don't screw up this plot as I actually do like this plot point in the books. Basically, Alec wants to progress their relationship by moving in with Alec which freaks Magnus out a little as they've only been dating for a couple of months. Now, ordinarily, I might understand Magnus in this but also, they've been spending nearly everyday together. I think they're well past that initial dating phase. Moving in would be a logical assumption and besides Alec is a shadowhunter. It's not harped on all that much in the show because apparently all you need is Clary to stab a demon once and it'll go poof, but shadowhunting (theorietically) is legitimately dangerous. There's a moment in the books where one of the characters talks about how shadowhunters live their lives. They accept they're going to have short lives, that they're probably not going to die of old age and as a result, they go through life's milestones very quickly. They fall in love quickly, they get married quickly, they have kids quickly because for them, today may be their last day. They don't waste time. So it makes sense that Alec wants to move this relationship along. He loves Magnus and wants to be in a position where he can spend the maximum amount of what time he has left with him. For all Alec knows, he could die within the year.

But Alec ends up sneaking a glance in Magnus' Secret Box of Past Loves and Magnus gets angry about this. Alec comes clean, apologizes, and Magnus forgives him. So Alec does something wrong, Magnus gets vindictive, Alec comes clean and then apologizes, Magnus forgives him. Sound familiar? Oh right! That was the exact same recipe for pretty much every Malec conflict this show has ever done. It's nice to see the writers switching things up. They're not repeating dynamics or anything.

The thing is with this Malec conflict, it's essentially the same conflict Book Malec has but I don't think it works as well with Show Malec. At least in the case of Show Alec. Show Alec, I feel would've just asked Magnus outright, "What's in the box?" He wouldn't have snuck around about it. Unfortunately, Magnus being vindictive is nothing new. That's how he always gets when he feels Alec has wronged him. That's one aspect of Show Magnus' personality I'm so over with. His childishness in conflicts. It's not as pronounced here but I have a feeling it's going to get pretty damn bad because the writers most certainly will not be subtle with it. Magnus is clearly their favorite to write for which means Magnus is always written in a way we're meant to feel sorry for him. Honestly, at the end of 2B, I was rooting for Alec to break up with him permanently because I know I wouldn't have put up with that shit. I'm thinking there's probably a reason for why Magnus has had 12,000 relationships and it's  got nothing to do with immortality. Magnus being angry is not the issue I have, it's his complete lack of wanting to compromise I have an issue with and he never learns or even acknowledges his mistakes. And the fact that Alec apologized for everything and Magnus apologized for nothing still leaves me seething in anger. But back to the task at hand. Whereas I'm always happy to see book elements in the show, Malec is in the same boat as Clace with this. We have the same Clace dynamic from City of Fallen Angels but there was no build-up to that dynamic in Season 2, so it feels forced. This immortality conflict was ripped right from the pages of book 4, and I just don't think it's going to work as well because Show Alec is so different from Book Alec. But we'll see.

And I know I riffed on you Magnus a little bit so if I offended any Show Magnus stans out there, well too bad. I’m not apologizing for it. I have my own opinions and you don’t have the right to invalidate me as a person just because you don’t agree with them. 

Izzy and Charlie Sitting In A Tree...K-I-S...I Don't Even Care Enough About Them To Finish The Song

Izzy has a date with Doctor Charlie, accompanied with some more clunky dialogue and I felt absolutely nothing. I really don't care for this storyline of Izzy dating Charlie. Charlie I feel is going to get lumped in with Ollie in regards to how I feel about him. He's just not interesting, he's very bland, there's nothing about him that I want to learn more about. I'm all for Izzy getting her own storylines but this honestly feels a little forced. I feel like we're supposed to feel like she's having a good time and is completely enamoured with this guy but all I'm feeling is cringe. 

You know what I would've liked to have seen with Izzy? Her going to those addiction meetings. While working through her own addiction issues, helping these people with theirs. I feel like Izzy is desperately trying to find her own identity. Her own worth. That maybe she wants to be more than just a shadowhunter saving humans from the shadows. Fighting her own demons, both physical and psychological, while helping these mundanes fight their own personal demons might have worked really well for her as a character arc. That's something I would like to see. Give Izzy some layers. Which is actually why I enjoyed the yin fen character arc when it first started until the show, as it always does, ruined it. When she was in that character arc, we were seeing layers of her. Her desire to be strong but never feeling like she's strong enough, her desire to love but never feeling like she's truly loved. I want to see more of that Izzy. I want to see that Izzy grow.

And we got a fight scene with the staff this time around. Perhaps the show has been clued in on how dumb the whip looks. And the staff fight was badass. I really liked it. Of course Doctor Charlie comes running in and I don't know about any of you but I think I'd be slightly alarmed if I had told a guy I needed to end the date and go home only for him to follow me. Just a tad bit creepy. And also, I don't know what kind of doctor Charlie is but he should no be allowed to give stitches. They should revoke his medical license, those stiches looked so bad. No way would those stitches have stopped an actual wound from bleeding not to mention, it would've left a huge scar. I really hope Izzy used an iratze rune to heal that wound afterwards. 

Guess We Should Talk About the Main Villain Arc

This is always my least favorite thing to talk about. Whenever Lillith is on the screen, I tune out. I just don't find her interesting and I also find her rather cringey, too. She has no emotional connection to the main characters so I have a very difficult time feeling for her in any capacity. She's just evil, that's all there is to her. And whereas that's an easy villain to write, it's also a very boring villain in the audience's eyes. 

Lillith is all about using this love potion to get Jace to fall out of love with Clary but she needs a piece of Clary's soul to finish the potion. She sends demons after Clary but the demons get Izzy instead because Izzy was wearing Clary's dress. Don't ask me how Izzy and Clary can share clothes when I highly doubt they wear the exact same dress size but whatever. Lillith decides to go full demon and go after Clary herself.

Meanwhile, Clary comes clean to Luke about what's going on with Jace. That Jace was dead and she compelled Raziel to bring him back. Clary feels like they need angelic intervention and asks Luke if Cleophas can talk to the angels for her. I'm not sure when it was ever established that Iron Sisters could talk to angels. It's just the writers making up rules for their world as they go along. It's bad story-telling but this is what the writers do. They meet with Cleophas -- which by the way, I don't understand. So Maryse gets de-runed but Cleophas who once betrayed them in 2A lives on an isolated farm presumably not de-runed. I will never understand Show Clave's punishment system. But Cleophas tells them she hasn't been able to speak to angels for a while but believes Clary can summon Ithuriel. Cleophas takes Clary out into the woods and shows her how to summon an angel and I'm going to be nit-picky again -- why does this show have the ability to summon and talk to angels? Why would any angel besides Raziel care enough to show up or even talk to them? But Cleophas and Luke leave Clary alone in the woods as Ithuriel may not show up if they're there. Ithuriel shows up in all of his laughably cheesy glory and confirms to Clary that Jace is not different because he was brought back from the dead, it's because he's vulnerable now. And just as Ithuriel is about to tell Clary about Lillith, Lillith kills him and at that point I could not hold in my laughter any longer. This plot was so bad and so cheesy and then it culminated into yet another cheesy trope (villain killing their victim right as they're about to give away the villain's identity), the whole thing was entirely ridiculous to me. Then Clary suddenly forgets how to be the world’s best shadowhunter and Lillith gets her sliver of Mary Sue soul she so coveted. 

Lillith meets Jace at the Hunter's Moon and gives Jace the potion and now Jace has supposedly fallen out of love with Clary. It's a shame because I really wanted to see the dynamic of Jace dealing with this possession while still in love with Clary but that's the show for you. It's either black or white, left or right with them. There's no middle ground. Complexity is not their thing. 

Honorable Mentions

So I did enjoy the scene where that random shadowhunter voiced his appreciation to Alec about coming out. It was really nice to hear and nice also in the sense that at least one of these  nameless shadowhunters aren't complete bigoted douches. I do wish the show had done more with Alec's struggles though to make this victory mean a little more. After he came out, it was brought up so infrequently, I'd find myself forgetting that the Clave doesn't think highly of that sort of thing. And really, it kind of seemed like they had a bigger problem with him dating a downworlder than anything else. 

There was a nice parabatai scene as well. I still don't like this whole dynamic of Jace not telling Alec because he's afraid Alec is going to say something. We know Alec's not going to say anything. I think it’s really offensive to Alec’s character that the writers think so low of him. I think it's much more believable if Jace was keeping the secret because he didn't want to put Alec in a position where he had to lie. If they do get caught, he doesn't want Alec to be dragged down with them. I'd be much more satisfied with something like that, but oh well. This is what we've got. The parabatai feels were in this scene so I did enjoy that.

Now, let's talk about this dialogue. It dawned on me why I dislike the dialogue so much. There's nothing "human" about it. Basically, it feels like a sociopath writes the script. The writer has the character say the things he/she believes the characters should say but at the end of the day, the dialogue is so devoid of emotion that something just feels off. It feels like there's a robot that the sheets of paper are inserted into and that robot writes the most bland and generic dialogue to move the scenes along. That's where my issue with the dialogue lies. There's nothing interesting about the dialogue. For the most part, it's also devoid of a lot of personality, as well. Let's take Supernatural for instance. If you were to give me a list of random lines from an unaired episode of Supernatural completely devoid of context, I would be able to tell you, "that's a Sam line," or "Dean line, of course, " or "pfft, only Cas would say something like that." These characters have very clear, differentiated personalities and as a result they each have their own flare of dialogue. That's not the case most of the time with the Shadowhunters cast. A lot of times, their dialogue can be used interchangeably with each other. Their dialogue doesn't have an individual flare. I don't think these writers are character writers. I don't think when they write these scripts, they get inside the heads of the characters. They just move the characters around to however the plot dictates it and that’s a really bad way to write. Characters are the foundation of a story. If you don’t like the characters, your story is nothing.

I'd probably give this episode a B-. It's a little better than last week in the sense of the plot's being fleshed out better but at the same time, most of the plots are wildly uninteresting and bland and in the case of the main plot, straight up ridiculous. The dialogue is horrendous. It hurts my soul. I feel like I would have a much better experience with watching these episodes if I did not have the sound on. The show actually looks halfway decent as long as you don’t hear the dialogue. As always, I'll hope for better next week. I’m forever the optimist.

If you have any thoughts on the episode, I'd love to hear them. Just be respectful of everyone's opinions. You don't have to agree with them but you should still respect that person as an individual.

[bookaddict24-7]

BOOK REVIEW: The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton

Release Date: February 6th, 2018

Age Group: 15+

Genres: Fantasy, Romance, LGBTQIA+, Mystery

Publisher: Disney-Hyperion

My Rating: 2.5/5 Stars

Add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

Find my original review of this book on Goodreads here.

Disclaimer: 

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Indigo Books & Music Inc. in exchange for an honest review

Trigger warning: This novel has sexual assault.

This is a long text post and it may or may not contain spoilers (which you can view on my Goodreads review). This is also a rant review, so be warned. 

The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton is an entertaining novel. A little bit like The Selection by Kiera Cass and The Jewel by Amy Ewing, Clayton's novel is definitely one of those books that you want to pick up because of the potential drama and intrigue. While it definitely offered moments of exciting entertainment, and magical situations, I found The Belles to be at times a little slow (bordering on boring), and a little confusing. 

In The Belles there is a set of islands that have people suffering from a God's curse that makes them ugly, grey, pale, and red-eyed. In this world, there is a group of beautiful women named The Belles and they are loved for their ability to make the once ugly people into beautiful citizens. Every sixteen years or so, the different important buildings throughout the kingdom get a new Belle to work with them, but the most coveted job for the young women is being the palace's Favourite. Which, to be honest, I don't fully get why it's such a huge thing. (view spoiler) There are admittedly interesting mysteries all throughout the story, which have a pretty good explanation. 

The beginning of the novel wasn't half bad. I was intrigued to see what these girls could do. I loved the diversity and I loved that there was such a place that could covet all kinds of different looks. That being said, I found it to be a bit difficult to understand what the Belles really did and the Arcana (the different kinds of magic they performed?) they used. I get the basic idea, but it almost felt like Clayton sometimes bent the rules to make Camellia, the protagonist, the special and potentially most powerful Belle of all time. This wouldn't be an absolutely horrible thing if she explained some of the ways in how Camellia could do what was once thought of as an impossibility. 

I also didn't really understand the procedure, despite it being repeated over and over again (Man, it really felt like I was there with Camellia every single time--how do they not get bored?). They paint a streak on an arm and it spreads? Or do they paint the whole body? How can they do all of that in an hour? Are they doing semi-permanent tattoos, or temporarily changing their DNA to sustain the new looks? When they're shaving off excess fat, are they literally shaving it off and it just drops off like powder, or is it like meat falling to the ground? Gross, I know, but I HAVE QUESTIONS!

Belle technique aside, the prose was definitely a slow progression. I don't fully mind when a story is a bit slower if the characters and situations are fascinating, but Camellia was one of those naive, stubborn, and surprisingly entitled characters. She is one of those characters that make you feel bad for her, but then ask yourself why when she continues to be so naive and blind. 

"But Dayla, characters grow!" You might say, while rolling your eyes. "And they have character flaws!" 

"But Reader," I'll respond, "this character doesn't truly grow! And I get that she has character flaws, but these flaws are literally just plot devices because the story would be over if Camellia weren't so stubborn and actually listened to the warnings around her."

I am not a fan of stories that only move forward based on the characters ignoring the blatantly obvious. Pretty sure that someone could have killed someone else in front of Camellia and she would have still said, "But that murderer isn't bad! What proof do you have?!" 

(view spoiler)

Camellia was a naive girl who worried a lot, but then either brushed her worries aside because "this is all she's ever wanted!", or because she refused to believe these people she barely knew would do her any harm. They literally pit these girls against each other and are not afraid to use them until they die because they only cared about themselves, yet this girl believes that--

You know what, whatever. 

Anyway, the twisting plot (despite the repetitive and sometimes dragging prose) was actually what kept me reading. There were moments where I truly wanted to know what would happen next. I wanted to know what was going on with the Belles and where they came from. There were some pretty solid mysteries in this novel and some intriguing conclusions to these mysteries. If some of the events in the novel weren't repeated over and over, and if Camellia was less naive and stubborn, then this story would have flown by. As it is, one of the other main reasons for why my rating is so low is because I kept putting this book down. So much repetition started to make me bored. 

I will admit that Clayton is really good at writing villains. I love the false sense of security and slow descend into madness that her antagonist portrayed. In a weird way, it fit the setting of Victorian (?) society very well. This character kept me hooked whenever they were in the scene because they were so incredibly cruel. 

(view spoiler)

Overall, I can see why this book could potentially be super popular. The representation in this book is off the charts. There's a little bit of everything in here. And despite everything, Clayton is really good at creating the setting. My main complaint is basically the protagonist, the pacing, and the love interest. Oh boy, that love interest. Also, Camellia's sisters. Where did they go? They just vanished after they'd served their plot purpose?

I recommend this to those who enjoyed the two books I mentioned at the beginning of the review and for anyone who likes colourful magic, interesting twists, and palace life. 

Happy reading!

[nikihawkes]

Title: Ashes of the Sun

Author: Django Wexler

Series: Burningblade & Silvereye #1

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

The Overview: Long ago, a magical war destroyed an empire, and a new one was built in its ashes. But still the old grudges simmer, and two siblings will fight on opposite sides to save their world, in the start of Django Wexler’s new epic fantasy trilogy. Gyre hasn’t seen his beloved sister since their parents sold her to the mysterious Twilight Order. Now, twelve years after her disappearance, Gyre’s sole focus is revenge, and he’s willing to risk anything and anyone to claim enough power to destroy the Order. Chasing rumors of a fabled city protecting a powerful artifact, Gyre comes face-to-face with his lost sister. But she isn’t who she once was. Trained to be a warrior, Maya wields magic for the Twilight Order’s cause. Standing on opposite sides of a looming civil war, the two siblings will learn that not even the ties of blood will keep them from splitting the world in two. –Goodreads

The Review:

Although there were a lot of things I really enjoyed about Ashes of the Sun, I didn’t like it as much as I think I should have… and I can’t quite pinpoint why. From an evaluation standpoint, it had all the elements I expect from a high fantasy: intriguing world-building, great characters, an interesting plot, good pacing, and a more than adept writing style. It had a good mix of exciting action scenes and slower character development moments. So what’s my malfunction?

I think part of the problem may have been the audiobook narrator. In some ways the characters felt over-performed, coming across as more caricatures than real people. On one hand it set the tone for cheeky characters who I think were supposed to bring a bit of lightheartedness and fun to the novel (which they did), but on the other hand it made a couple of them come across a bit juvenile even though on paper they were actually pretty badass. The final nail in the coffin in this regard may have been how recently I’ve read Wexler’s YA Ship of Smoke and Steel. Both female leads, Maya (AotS) and Isoka (SoSaS) were a bit more similar to each other than I’d have preferred.

Also, based on the name of the series and where the story culminated, it kind of read like a prequel.

Also, also, I don’t know who had the idea first, but the magical constructs in the book were very, very similar to the villain in season 3 of Stranger Things. It’s entirely possible both ideas originated organically (much like the monster’s themselves, lol), but either way the timing is quite unfortunate. Had I read this a year ago I think it would’ve come across a tad more original.

Okay, so on to the things I liked, which were plentiful. The world-building. Perhaps not completely original, but the framework for the story – an empire still suffering the after-effects of a war for power fought hundreds of years ago – set a wicked cool atmosphere with a city divided into factions, underground vies for power (often literally underground), and ongoing biases of politics. I loved the expansive feel of some of the settings and felt completely satisfied at how much Wexler helped me explore in this first book. It also added another great dynamic that the main characters fought on opposite sides of the conflict.

Another thing I liked was the overall character construction and how the author treated them. The beginning had a lot of great camaraderie, which really connected me to the characters. I like that he gave some of the minor characters a bit of a spotlight here and there because the way he did it felt unconventional. I’m not sure I liked where the story headed for many of them because I’m trying to wrap my head around what to expect in the sequel, but for this novel alone it was great.

So overall I’m battling between a rating based on comparable merit (solid 4 stars) and my own personal enjoyment of the book (3 stars). There were parts that had me glued to it mixed with others that had me wondering if I should consider a DNF. I’m going to split the difference with a 3.5 rating with the disclaimer that I think others will enjoy it a lot more than I did. It has a lot of things going for it.

Recommendations: this is a great high fantasy novel for fans of Wexler’s work. Dive in if you’re looking for great character dynamics, a cool world, and good action scenes. Maybe, just maybe, consider skipping the audio version.

Other books you might like:

Dragon’s Path by Daniel Abraham

Twelve Kings of Sharakhai by Bradley P. Beaulieu

Sins of Empire by Brian McClellan

The Waking Fire by Anthony Ryan

Black Prism by Brent Weeks

by Niki Hawkes

Book Review: Ashes of the Sun by Django Wexler Title: Ashes of the Sun Author: Django Wexler Series: Burningblade & Silvereye #1 Genre: Fantasy Rating: 

[judieasley57]

Breakwater

Posted on

December 15, 2017

The Mer Chronicles, #2

Errin Stevens

Self-Pub, Nov 2016

Kindle, 243 Pages

Also available in hardcover, paperback, audiobook

Genre(s) Mermaid Fantasy, Fantasy

Source Author

Other books in this series

Updrift #1, Outrush #3

My Disclaimer:

I was provided a complimentary copy of this book. I am voluntarily providing an honest review in which all opinions are fully my own. I am not being compensated in any way.

~ Judi E. Easley for Blue Cat Review

What it’s about…

A continuation of the story of the siren community involving the Blake family and their close friends.

With no one on the throne, a senior adviser is standing in so that the government can still operate. Xanthe is having problems finding her usual mental sureness for quick decision making and thinks there is someone from outside effecting her. She even has an idea who it is, as far-fetched as it might seem.

A solution is found for the restless sirens who can’t settle into harmony with the humans the community lives alongside. And an outstation in Antarctica is created. It sounds bleak, but combine sky, ice, and water and you might be surprised what you can create.

When Peter Loughlin’s ex-wife, Serena turns up and is Carmen Blake’s mother, there is a new queen on the throne. Not everyone is happy. Dunkin does his best to cause trouble and regain his “power”, but he’s made someone very powerful angry and he won’t survive this confrontation.

Can the siren community resettle its members, appease the ruffled feathers, and make peace again for its community with what it now has to deal with? Can one member of a community live outside the rules, especially when he is stronger than any other?

Technical Tidbits…

The cover is wonderful with its depiction of Isabel shimmering in her change. It is a dark cover, as it should be given the fact that it’s a picture of Duncan’s abuse to her while he was controlling her and using the taser to make her change.

The storyline is complex and amazing. Ms. Stevens is an author who packs a lot into a story and adds in small side stories along the way.

The characters are great. The Blake family you will know from the first book, Updrift. Xanthe is revealed more this time since we get closer to her in this book. In Updrift her role was almost a cameo. Here, she plays a full role and we get to know her more as a person, a frustrated and angry person. Maya is a whole person this time as she has a story in this book. And we get to know Aiden better. We also get to know Sylvia and Simon Blake quite well with their story. Simon and Aiden are two of the workers on the Antarctica Project. And Sylvia gives us a great description of the place when she sees it.

The pace is great. It moves pretty fast. It has some slower spots for some scenes and is just a bit choppy in a couple of places, but for the most part it’s pretty fast and intense. No confusion and no trouble keeping up with this pace though.

The tension is kept up throughout the story. You are always aware of the bigger picture with this group even when you are with only two people. They are part of a community the is always aware of the community as a whole. Plugged in, in a way. Or maybe tuned in would be a better way to describe it.

Writing quality? All you have to do is read about Simon and Sylvia’s time at the outstation on Antarctica, well the description of the dome and the space there. You feel as if you are actually there feeling everything Sylvia does as she lies there beneath the dark sky and feels a part of the sky and stars. Errin describes that first encounter for Sylvia in poetic terms that bring you into the space with Sylvia as she feels the space above her and the space beneath her blend and she becomes a part of both.

And this is where you STOP if you don’t want to see any SPOILERS…

The good, the bad, and the ugly…and how much it lit up my life… ✰✰✰✰⭒

Wow! This was so different from the first book, but so good! This book was darker right from the beginning. Sylvia was taking her walks and she had a dream about a sea monster and being stalked. She also had a feeling it was real. But she had another feeling that it was Simon. So no matter how much mind wiping Simon was doing, she was retaining enough to be aware that this was going on and starting to put the pieces together, just not enough or quickly enough to not feel like she might be losing her mind. Shame on you Simon for several reasons. One, you aren’t supposed to be taking a second daughter from a family. Two, she’s starting to feel like she’s losing her mind, so your game is going on too long and you aren’t aware of it. Three, sneaking around is not a good idea. But, I guess it worked! He gets his girl in the end. It just causes trouble in the siren community and Aiden isn’t happy because his bond to Maya is broken up. No one realizes until it’s too late that Aiden has bonded to her.

When Duncan is acting regent, he gets a taste for the position and isn’t happy when Serena shows up and points out that there is a blood-line and an heir to the throne. So when they pat Duncan on the back and send him home to put Carmen on the throne. Someone he feels is totally unsuitable and incapable of handling the job. Duncan takes off and tries to create his own community and cause trouble with his threat of revealing them all. His primary problem in the beginning was the fact that he really didn’t understand humans and their curiosity. They would have eventually wanted to know how the change was done. After the confrontation with the royal family, his biggest problem, of course, shifted to Peter. Then he no longer had any problems. I was glad Peter executed him. I wasn’t sure what Carmen would have done with him, but it would always have been a problem having him around.

What will happen in a community of peaceful beings where everyone works for the good of the community with one who is stronger and there is no control for? Peter is stronger than anyone in the entire siren community. He was able to put Xanthe offline. He will tolerate no control over himself now that he’s back. Yet, he’s not the king and wants no position that will take anything from him. He is willing to teach others to cloak so that the community may develop a greater ability to defend itself. What is foreseeing for the community? Until now it’s really not needed an army per se. It’s only really had guards to protect the royal family. What Peter seems to have in mind is bigger and more offensive than defensive. Gabe is willing to take his cloaking training so hopefully he can keep an eye on things. I’m sure Xanthe will count on him. I’m looking forward to the third book Errin is working on, Outrush. I’m not sure when it’s due out, though. Maybe she’ll leave a not on the post and let us know.

Highly Recommended

If you haven’t read the first book, Updrift, I reviewed it on November 15th. It is amazing! And I gave it ✰✰✰✰⭒

What it’s about…

Kate Sweeting and her mother, Cara have moved to Griffins Bay to start a new life. To try to leave behind the grief of losing Cara’s husband. Cara runs the library and plants gardens and charms people.

Kate becomes best friends with Gabriel Blake and his whole family by the sea. His is a family with lots of secrets. And as Kate and Gabe grow up their feelings mature. Finally, they get to spend enough time together in the water to find out what all the secrets mean for them.

But there is one who wants what they have and is not afraid to reach for it.

The two books would make a great Christmas present for someone who likes mermaid, oops, excuse me, siren stories. Both books are available in e-book, hardcover, paperback, or audible from either Amazon or BN.com.

[takemetoterrasenpls]

I found this series a few months before the second book came out and dear God it has taken up 95% of the space in my brain since. I love it so much genuinely I need everybody to read it

I read the most wonderful trilogy I’ve ever touched; best book in the world, perfect to my taste like it’s written just for me

Took a look at fandom for the books, maybe trying to find some good stuff about it. Yknow. Fandom stuff.

There’s like five people talking about the series. (Understandably, I’ve only found it by chance too. It’s not very known.)

But every single person ignores that one of the main characters is canonically aro and ships him with the other two main characters. Even though it’s very much in text stated that he’s not interested in relationships. Like, that was made very clear from multiple perspectives and everyone involved respects that.

…I’ll just never go into fandom spaces ever again. Poor Vargo. Fandom is destroying this man more than his childhood did tbh.

Anyway if you’re into fantasy with morally gray characters, some found family and a slow-starting but extremely escalating plot, with a non-partnering AroAllo main character (only one of three, the other two aren’t aspec but honestly as an aro person the romance was written so good too), consider reading the Rook and Rose Series by M.A. Carrick. I wanna talk about it so bad but my sister won’t read them and no one knows this book.

I love this trilogy. Favourite books rn fighting with Iron Widow in my head, though Iron Widow still has a chance to win with the sequel lol. (But Vargo will forever and always be my favourite character of all time.)

The covers are also fucking beautiful. (Alt text is not the best I’m very tired but I tried.)

[judieasley57]

My Disclaimer:

I purchased a three-book bundle at the current price. I am voluntarily providing an honest review in which all opinions are fully my own. I am not being compensated in any way.

~ Judi E. Easley for Blue Cat Review

What it’s about…

Fatal Affair

Chief of Staff and best friend, Nick Cappuano, discovers the murdered body of Senator John O’Connor. It’s Detective Sam Holland’s case. It only takes the first look for both Nick and Sam to remember their one night together six years ago.

Can Nick and Sam work together through the tangled mess of government, family, and police politics to find the killer? Can they keep their hands off each other until it’s solved?

Technical Tidbits…

The cover works really well with the couple there at the top and the capital building down at the bottom. The couple work as good representatives for Nick and Sam, too.

The storyline is really good. It mixes the political, familial, and police aspects really well.

The characters are introduced and developed very well. Even most of the secondary characters are explained well enough to understand who they are and what their motivations are.

The pace is pretty fast. It’s mostly going from one crisis to another with just enough time in there for a kiss here and some love there.

The tension builds very fast and remains right up to the end with the unhappy resolution to the murder.

And this is where you STOP if you don’t want to see any SPOILERS…

The good, the bad, and the ugly…and how much it lit up my life… ✰✰✰✰✰

What a lovely read! Almost 500 pages of intrigue, secret love, family secrets, government politics, and more. How could I not love this? And just think, each book in this series is like this! And it doesn’t end it doesn’t end by saying “and now you need to buy my next book to get the rest of the story”. No, this isn’t a standalone, but it is a complete story. If I never read the next book, I would be okay. But, of course, I did read the next book!

I want to talk about Marie Force’s amazingly rich characters. Former Deputy Chief Skip Holland, now retired with a severe disability due to an injury suffered in the line of duty. Skip is Sam’s Dad. Her #1 Hero. He sits in a wheelchair and breaths through a tube at night because of a bullet lodged in his neck. He was shot during a normal traffic stop just a few months before his retirement. The bullet can’t be removed. He has sensation only in his right index finger. It’s still an open case that every detective on the force works on at some time or other. Sam discusses her cases with him.

Then there is Sam’s partner. Frederico Cruz, affectionately known as Freddie. He’s as handsome as a model, slim but built like a gym addict. His only addiction seems to be junk food, though. He was raised to respect the church and his mother got him to take a vow of chastity until he was married. So he looks like a walking wet dream, but he’s a virgin. And he’s always reminding Sam not to take the Lord’s name in vain. He’s a new detective and he’s learning from the best. He’s even taking notes. He wears a trench coat to help his image.

And the murder victim. Who was he? Senator John O’Connor. The second son of the Senator from Virginia. Not the one being groomed to take his father’s position. No. He’s the one who stepped into the position when his big brother screwed up. He’s the one who became so popular that the DNC of Virginia was pushing him to run for a second term. Best friend to Nick Cappuano since childhood. They’d shared everything. Except that John O’Connor was a man with many secrets. One of them, at least, was deadly.

What it’s about…

Fatal Justice

Julian Sinclair comes to town to be considered for a seat on the Supreme Court. He’s an old school friend of Nick’s and a friend of the O’Connor family. He has very strong views and opinions that will shift things on the Court. When he is killed, his views are thought to be the reason.

Sam is caught up in the domestic case that interrupted her swearing-in ceremony. Clippings about her father’s case were found in the apartment of the family involved. It seems the whole police force is out after Clarence Reese because of the connection. But Reese shoots back and Freddie ends up in the hospital.

Then a young man named Tucker is found shot. Tucker was gay. He was a very close friend of Julian Sinclair’s estranged nephew. Is there a connection? Can Sam and Nick move fast enough to stop the last killing?

Technical Tidbits…

The cover reflects the fact that Sam and Nick are now a couple in this book. I always like it when the covers of a series keep up with the story so well.

The storyline is really gritty this time.

The characters are getting deeper into the main characters and the regular secondary characters are becoming quite well developed as well.

The pace is even faster in this book than in the first one. It seems like they almost can’t keep up with things this time.

The tension is incredible.

And this is where you STOP if you don’t want to see any SPOILERS…

The good, the bad, and the ugly…and how much it lit up my life… ✰✰✰✰✰

It blew me away. Both Nick and Sam are hurt in major ways in the car accident. It was a big scene in the book, the whole pursuit, and crash. Then to find out it was totally unrelated to the case. It was gang-related based on their popularity in the press! The Senator was worth more points than the Lieutenant.

Sam’s interaction with LT Stahl actually makes my skin crawl. Ms. Force writes him so sleazy! Every time he comes near her he gets worse! She really should have that office fumigated. But he is bound and determined to get her for hooking up with Nick during the O’Connor case. The fact that it was her ex-husband Peter that exposed their relationship was quite the twist. I love that the author puts things like that in.

There are two other twists in this book. One, I find sort of sad. Clarence Reese is sought by everyone because they think he’s connected to Skip’s shooting. All this because they’ve found a box of clippings in a closet in his family’s apartment. So with everyone chasing around after him and his wounding Freddie in the dark by accident. Yes, by accident. He knew nothing and blew his own brains out. I find that pretty sad.

The other twist is really twisty and it’s the major one. Diandra Sinclair is a wacko and has so brow-beaten her husband, Preston, he’ll do anything for her. He kills Tucker. Diandra doesn’t want any gays around her family as her new book is ready to launch. It could ruin her politically. But will Preston go that one step further and kill the other young man who is gay? The one in the relationship with Tucker? Tucker’s lover. If she could make him kill his own brother and a young man…

But does she realize that Devon, her own son is the other partner in that relationship? What might Preston be driven to do for her? How far has she pushed him?

What it’s about…

Fatal Consequences

This one is all about sex. Nick makes a deal with Sam. If he can give her three orgasms in 30 minutes, then they will set a wedding date. They now have a wedding planner that Sam calls Tinker Bell and plans are going forward for March 26. Yes, this year!

Someone is raping and killing the immigrant women who clean the senate chambers, and they aren’t being tidy about it. There’s DNA to spare. Then Detective Jeannie McBride is kidnapped and brutally raped as a message to Sam to back off.

Will Nick and Sam be able to set aside all their personal distraction and root out the rot in the capital?

Technical Tidbits…

The cover reflects a couple in love. The view of D.C. shows the wider impact of the story with the nighttime shot of the city.

The storyline is excellent.

The characters are great. The main characters and primary secondaries are getting very well developed at this point. It’s getting so that you can pretty well predict what their reactions should be. Not that the author is letting them get predictable, but we are getting to know them as people. Each new character is incorporated well and quickly if they are going to be staying.

The pace is good. This one is a little slower than the first two, but the type of crime involved is probably the reason. Things are spaced out a bit more.

The tension is in no way slackened because of the pace. Ms. Force has done a great job of keeping us on our toes working out what’s going on from incident to incident.

Writing quality is the key. Ms. Force has mastered the ability to create a scene and move characters through it so well that we aren’t aware of it as we read. She draws us in. Remember it’s over 500 pages this time. She gives us enough description of locations so that we can see where we are and what the conditions are. Yet she brings the actions and characters alive and moves them through this space effortlessly. Just as easily, she lets us drop into a character’s mind and hear what they are thinking or draws back and describes the look on someone’s face so well we know exactly what they’re thinking without their thoughts.

And this is where you STOP if you don’t want to see any SPOILERS…

The good, the bad, and the ugly…and how much it lit up my life… ✰✰✰✰✰

Top executives in the government running a prostitution ring using immigrant women who clean the government offices sounds pretty corrupted. But power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. So how unreasonable is it? How high could it go? Selina tells all. All she has to do is stay alive.

Senator Lightfeather might have really loved his mistress, but she was still accepting a lot of money for seeing him and sending it out of the country. And she was pregnant with his child. But his wife didn’t appreciate any of it. She wasn’t the only wife who didn’t like the arrangements. It was time for some Senators to go home and tend to family business.

Family business closer to home takes us to Nick’s problems with his dead-beat mother who drops in and takes him for $25,000 and a chunk of his soul. It’s hard to give up hope that someone will love you someday. And Sam’s ex, Peter, is out of jail. Now they have to worry about the possibility of being blow up again. But Tinker Bell is making lots of progress towards that March 26th date! Freddy gives Elin an ultimatum but it’s only he and Mom for dinner. Gonzo wins his paternity suit and then proposes to Christina. That’s another tie between the Senator’s office and the police station.

The one I worry about is Detective Jeannie McBride. She’s now a kidnap and rape survivor. She’s refusing counseling at this point. She’s not really letting Michael in. He’s trying to stay at her side, but I think he realizes that she’s holding him at a distance. I fully expect her problems to blow up in another book. She and Sam are friends, so Sam will definitely be involved. But Jeannie’s not in a good place right now and it really worries me.