#Diary of a creep

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

if JGYs song of evil in poorly drawn MDZS is titled "evil penis music" then is Wangxian "good penis music"?

There exists penis music, which is neither good or bad, it simply is!

It is only through compounding it with 'evil' music that JGY creates his dastardly aural poison.

[charrfie]

no offence but the fact that normies found clinical trial is my 13th reason

Please forgive me anonymous, your use of the word "normies" made me giggle quite a bit..... but rest assured I understand your sentiment and I most definitely agree with it (even if I wish you had been a little nicer about it, lol). I have a lot of issues with the way clinical trial has been approached by a vast majority of fans, honestly. It's hard to know what to start with even. But I do feel that at least part of the reason people have had such a hard time understanding the source material is due to popular creators covering the game and exposing it to a general audience that otherwise would not engage with the game. Not to say I find said creators themselves at fault for this, since it's partly the reason I discovered it as well. It is a double edged sword, for sure. And there are a lot of people who DO understand it! Excellently, at that! This just sometimes seems difficult to appreciate if you- like me- check the tags every morning/night like the newspaper and come across multiple posts in a row either misinterpreting characters personalities, intentions, or.... you know. A million other things. Expected for a game with layers of nuance intertwined with each story beat, but still. For those that do understand, I appreciate you haha

One thing that I believe a lot of people don't understand when analyzing the game is that..... it's not exactly meant to be. Pretty? I guess? And that's part of the reason I connected with it as much as I did. In a majority of the media I've come across in my lifetime that has to do with people who aren't "good" at being people (for lack of a better term), never have I seen something so shamelessly depict the way isolation and mental illness make an impact on every single little aspect of someone's life. There is no self-censoring, no cushioning of the blows, nothing. And its fucking genius!!!!!!! I have seen so many arguments about angel's reactions to certain things being outlandishly stupid, lee's actions making him undeserving of his true ending's fate, etc, but I couldn't disagree more!!!!!!! People are weird. Weirder, when they are lonely and often taken advantage of. And that is SUCH a core part of what clinical trial is all about. The game makes you sit down and swallow the fact that lee is not an innately evil person without feeling the need to make his actions more palatable. Without making angel need to excuse it. Clinical trial has such respect for both parties and their feelings/experiences/autonomy, while not needing to say "this is bad" or "this is good" about anything. And especially when handling such a delicate topic. It's fucking genius. And I could talk about it for forever. But before engaging at all with ct, people HAVE to acknowledge this shit. That maybe good people can do bad, bad things, and that maybe "good" and "bad" aren't concepts applicable at all sometimes. Maybe sometimes, people are just people.

This sums up my thoughts on the general game here well enough for now (especially given how short of an ask it was haha), but before I conclude this post I do have to speak on how much the common perception of angel's identity bothers me. Especially considering how much of a core element of the story it is; I would be remiss not to bring it up at least once. Please note that I very intentionally use the word "identity" here rather than "gender" because that's only a singular element of who they are as a character. I'm talking about everything: their identity as someone that's mentally ill, as someone who's physically ill, as someone nonhuman, and as a nonbinary individual. Even still, I leave certain facets of their identity out that I can't possibly cover in the scope of this ask right now!!!! But bear with me in what I do feel equipped to talk ahout currently.

It is- without hyperbole- IMPOSSIBLE to understand angel without taking into account all the external and internal factors impacting who they are, what they think, and what decisions they make. IMPOSSIBLE. You, the person reading this right now, are an individual with YEARS AND YEARS of experiences, memories, and interests. The way your brain works, how you label (or don't label) yourself, how you think and do things, how you even talk... ALL of this is a culmination of the people you have known and the experiences you've lived through. That is a beautiful thing. A gift. Would it not be ridiculous of someone to claim that all of that is entirely irrelevant in the way you live your life? You might think that asking you to understand everything intricacy of a character before engaging with the material they're from is asking too much, but I disagree!! Clinical trial is about complicated people and complicated relationships that have been molded by their surroundings. I do not feel that asking that be acknowledged is a bad thing. Do your reading homework to prepare for the quiz, essentially.

All this is to say that I wish- just once- people would consider why angel chooses to act the way they do. I wish I could see even one piece of art of angel having to get up slowly from seated positions or wearing compression stockings all the time lest their orthostatic hypotension gets the best of them. I wish the shit that messed with their every action in the game had more of an impact in the fan media I see. I wish people might stop addressing them as human at all, because when angel says that they feel inner peace thinking of existing as an animal, that's not symbolism, that's not metaphor, that's truth. I wish every other post I see of them wouldn't address them as a girl or a boy. I wish nonbinary people stopped getting fucking erased. I get wanting to project. I get wanting to see yourself reflected in fiction. Trans representation is much more rare than cis rep, but I promise you there are infinitely more binary/binary-leaning trans characters for you to project onto than the things that I and others have. I wish people would GET who angel was before bothering to have anything to say about them.

I think angel and lee are some of the most authentic and transparent real life people I have ever seen in fiction. It is a crime they are difficult to be recognized as that.

I fear that I sound sort of pretentious talking about the game in such a manner as this but....... alas. I am allowed to be a little bit pretentious about media that speaks to me on such a level, I suppose. Please don't think I mean to diminish the efforts of those who DO get it. All of your work is fantastic. At the end of the day, this is just the internet. You are allowed to have fun on it. I am in no position to stop you. I even hope that you might find the joy you seek in doing so! But if I might ask you to consider the story and characters with a bit more depth.... I would very much appreciate the effort :^]

I hope that for both your sake and mine, anonymous, that people will start engaging with clinical trial in a better, more earnest way soon! Thank you for your ask~ peace and love

[bpderanged]

I know I'm a red flag but I promise my ass will make up for my terrible personality so do you still like me

[zvahlne]

malachi was so brave when aphmau left him at lucinda's while she went to pikoro village. like genuinely i bet that was sort of terrifying for him, you know? he's so eager to follow her around and it's no wonder why - getting told he had to stay behind this time was probably scary for him...

look at him he was so ready to go with his mama:( but he's being very brave and i'm very proud of him

[animerunner]

Me: -way to used to creators accidentally stumbly into disability representation early in S1- So is MaoMao being ND coded accidental or…?

Me -after finding out Lakan has actual Prosopagnosia- Ok not accidental then. Good to know.

[h0estar]

with lahan's crazy type and what he wants to do with maomao and jinshi's possible kid, how come the fandom gloss it over and not make a fuss about it? or am i simply blind

simply because it really isn't that deep.

lahan is weird because he's a La clan member. and he doesn't explicitly want to do that to Maomao and Jinshi's possible daughter. i'm pretty sure he only said that as a joke to tease Maomao. idk, the novel doesn't really dwell on that. and after just finishing LN13, i think it's pretty clear that Lahan is into widows/milfs, not little girls.

also, keep in mind that in their time, it was common practice to marry family members to strengthen blood ties, regardless of age gap.

[cookiesdippedinanime]

I normally don't ever put my reviews online get out my feelings about a anime or show, but I have to talk about

Apothecary diaries🌿

⚠️Warning: Slander. Angry dialogue and a few bad words. Don't interact if you like Apothecary diaries.

Due to a super cool Youtuber I like (Classic man D) I got intrigued by the show. Seeing Maomao brutally slap a dumb later in waiting was choice. That was 2 years ago, and since I've been casually looking for ways to get into it. Manga? No library. Anime? Crunchyroll? Kept forgetting to ask my parents to subscribe. Watch moments? I didn't want to spoil anything big.

(Oh, how I wish I did)

Pan to about 8 days ago, it's finally available on Netflix. I was ecstatic! Unfortunately, though. It wasn't what I thought it was.

Maomao was kidnapped to the palace first off and was tremendously passive about the whole thing. (I'll explain why that's bad later) Don't get me wrong, if I was kidnapped, I'd totally keep my head down too. Next it's unfortunately brought up about a lot of infant demise. Then, there's Jinshi😒

Now, I love pretty boys as much as the next shojo fan girl, but he wasn't hitting for me. Lemme explain better. When we're first introduced to the beautiful menace, he's curious which servant girl (I can't remember what they're called) could not only read and write, but also knows the cause of Lihua's son's death.

I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, but I know he tried to "seduce" Maomao in the same first episode. I found it adorable how he was getting blocked and how she was not feeling pretty boys. Notice how I said "found" as in past tense.

I was already a bit turned off by the "rich people pull" he and Gyokuyo pulled by making Maomao the poison tester, when she wants nothing to do with the royalty. But, then the "aphrodisiac" part turned up. Both me and Maomao were rightfully grossed out because she was technically supposed to taste the spiked steamed buns. Chew and swallow.

I don't doubt Jinshi's slick ass probably knew her razor sharp wit would catch on before it went into her mouth, but still😬 My red flag indicator did go off because of that, but I turned them off and hoped for the best. I was wrong. At the end of the episode, quick as a horny cat (Yes, I said the H word) He swooped behind Maomao, touched her and got very close to her neck.

He practically kissed it. Before she could react, he was ghost. (Or backed up. Can't remember!) But, she didn't do anything about it or call him on that. And as I recall, that was technically sexual harassment. I tried to Jinshi a chance after that, but the inner feminist in me and eventually the rest of me, decided I didn't like him.

I tried to just ignore him, but everytime he came on screen, I was just disgusted. He's so...slimy. Besides being extremely nosy (actually being an imperial detective) and handsome, I couldn't find any redeeming qualities. Maomao constantly getting the ick from him didn't help either.

So by episode four, (or five) I REALLY wasn't digging Jinshi. He was giving annoying second lead who couldn't take a hint, rather than elegant main lead. I actually started shipping Maomao with Gaoshun instead, lol. My final straw though, was right before the garden began.

Our Apothecary dame was all dressed up and preparing. Jinshi, (still being Gyokuyo's best homie) enters and was in awe of Maomao's beauty. And surprisingly lack of freckles. Now, I'm not bagging Jinshi too hard about learning about the dangers the common folk go through. I mean, yay for awareness. But, with my hate shades on, I was ticked he wanted to police the joint better now, because Maomao (his "girl") had talked about her struggles.

Talk about favoritism. I was hoping he'd go away after that, but I barely get what I want in media. Jinshi gets this horny blushy look on his face and is once again way too close for comfort. He sticks his hairpin thing in her bun. Not only did he put it wrong and actually prick her a bit, they tried to portray it as a "moment" between them.

And when she was like "what the hell" Jinshi mutters that it's hers now and rushes off to take care of his boner. (Yes, I consider him driven by lust. Sue me.) I was happy when Maomao removed his claim on her, but I was pushed over the edge Gyokuyo put it back in her bun. Once again, trying to make his constant harassment romantic.

Mad, didn't even begin to cover how I felt about it. I was enraged. I see all these moments between them posted on Crunchyroll and honestly thought it'd be a legit relationship. And hell, maybe it is? Maybe Jinshi's slimy personality does do an 180 and he's actually does treat Maomao like a person?

But, I for one, can't vomit in my mouth 'till he does. Jinshi's a sleaze with a pretty face. And I hate that Maomao hasn't done anything about it and it's condoned. And I'm usually pretty loose and understanding with shaky beginnings of relationships. Not to mention, I wished his attempts at rizzing were made comedic like Tamaki (Ouran highschool host club) but, I've already been ranting too long.

Thank you to anyone who lent listening eyeballs about my recent anime failure. If you have any opinions or agree with me, please comment🌿

[soulmvtes]

this week has felt like a year

[mangaka-neko-chan]

Drawing myself shielding Maomao for absolutely no reason at all, don't worry about it, no reason, this is related to nothing.

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

the worst thing about men is that they think they have the right

[iamanartichoke]

Been dipping my toes back into the shallow end of my Loki era pool and as I'm skimming through my tumblr posts over the last few years, all I can think is - dear lord, I have forgotten a lot of key aspects of the lore of Loki, Thor, Asgard, the canon material, and the worldbuilding in general.

[hanzajesthanza]

we need some more of those geralt’s company journeying through the marshland “what-if”s: the alternate routes they had expected or planned for, but ultimately didn’t take.

like what if: milva decided to go through with the abortion, and had to wait it out in a village as she expected. natural abortifacients are pretty brutal, and what follows, too, so regis would have had to stay with her, potentially splitting the company? or would the rest of the company also set down their quest for weeks and stayed with her. and villages at this time were none-too-safe either, what with the nilfgaardian invasion…

or what if: they indeed went through ysgith as previously planned. would dandelion have gotten eaten by a man-eating orchid? would milva still have miscarried, but this time from being exposed to poison gas? how would have geralt’s animosity and distrust towards cahir played out when things hungering for human flesh are all around them and it would be really easy to push him into that swamp? how would the pain in geralt’s knee play out in this humid environment? would they get a free pass by some monsters, if regis looked back behind the company with a stern, disapproving expression?

or what if: they couldn’t all cross the jaruga like geralt expected, and according to his plan, he and regis had to be the only ones that crossed and ventured on, alone together to go see the druids (which were farther away than they planned)? what would have happened to milva, cahir, and dandelion, left behind? if they didn’t participate in the battle of the bridge, then the rivian troops would have fled, and so nilfgaard wouldn’t have been driven back from the jaruga—affecting trade routes as the war carried on?

or what if: they didn’t stop in riedbrune and were not warned of the attack, and went straight to belhaven, walking right into the planned ambush by nightingale? would angoulême have indeed shot geralt in the back with a crossbow? or would his witcher senses have allowed him to pre-empt the attack? what if they really got captured by nilfgaardian agents then?

what if they never stayed in beauclair, or left early as geralt had inclined. they would have all frozen to death in the mountain passes (or, well, all of them save for regis, who is invulnerable to freezing)

there were a lot of uncertainties along their journey.

[queerlycarter]

going to the er for this stupid pain episode!!!! screams!!!

literally as soon as i finally get some relief from my hip & my shoulders, my fuuuuucking trigeminal nerve gets pissed off and before i know it the entire right side of my face hurts so bad im delirious and cant walk. its not at that level anymore but i am still going bc a) fuck this, its been going on for over a month and im OVER IT and b) the record of me going to the hospital for a pain episode is good for my disability case.

[narastories]

Damn, I'm good. This is since March 1st btw.

[melsisboring]

about me

|Melie, 6teen ♡

|She/Her♡

†

|Speaks 🇬🇧🇫🇷♡

| just a girl w/ a tumblr, a dream and an overactive imagination ♡

|Certified party girl♡

| living in 2025 but emotionally stuck in a 2014 summer playlist ♡

| january Capricorn (the fun kind) ♡

| soft-hearted but dramatic ♡

﹒₊˚⊹♡ ⋆ ⋆ ♡⊹˚₊﹒

| things i love:

movies and the movie theater (my favs are The virgin suicides, Girl Interrupted, The devil wears Prada. Suicide Squad, Oppenheimer, Law and Order SVU, House MD, The Nanny, Criminal Minds, Gossip Girl and any Christmas movie and Dramatic Reality TV shows !! ) ♡

reading, journaling, and crying over poetry♡

beyoncé stan but i’m also a britney/taylor/lana/rihanna kind of girl ♡

Figure skating ♡

New York ♡

Fashion and modeling♡

Travels♡

| things you’ll see here:

random thoughts at 3am, moodboards, pics, reblogs of pretty girls and post that are too real, some vents (sorry 😞) quotes, poetry and me being just a little too online so basically just my online diary ♡

﹒₊˚⊹♡ ⋆ ⋆ ♡⊹˚₊﹒

| dms are open for friendship, venting, or talking about movies ♡

| creepy men stay tf away pls. this blog is a safe & sparkly space ♡

| no nsfw anything. i’m here for vibes, not deranged weirdness and creeps ♡

Tw: €d, vent

[ken-okamoto-official]

A duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand (womp womp womp) "____________?"