#Dennis have sex with me challenge

[madferit-andchoselife]

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Down Bad — Spencer Reid x Fem Reader (Smut 18+)

Summary: After seeing that her ex boyfriend is engaged to his “rebound girl”, Reader finds herself missing the comforts and pleasures of sex.

Notes: ahh!! @reidsbookclub thank you my absolute love for reading this ahead of time. your enthusiasm and support and love is so so so appreciated <3 and this is my piece for @imagining-in-the-margins Friends with Benefits challenge

Word Count: 6 K

Content Warnings: Alcohol consumption (not drunk), oral sex (female receiving), p in v sex, (kinda) dom Spencer ( hopeful ending?), unprotected sex, some negative self body image (reader), finishing inside with birth control, breeding kink, possessive language, dirty talk/crude language (I know Spencer's probably a tab bit OOC but this is me trying here)

Down Bad

There was no way for my situation to turn crappier. My finger stood, haunted and frozen above my phone screen. The bathroom sink ran unattended as I attempted to defrost my heart. It had dropped to my stomach as my eyebrows shot up.

I still followed Lydia, my ex's younger sister on Instagram and Facebook. Her brother might have turned out to be a terrible communicator, but she was cool.

Just a couple of months ago, she was a student in Geology and the last time we spoke she was writing a paper on Ancient Rocks in communities that used aqueducts systems. What you could do with a Master's in Geology was beyond me and my office job. I'm sure she hears too many "you must live under a rock" joke from her dad. He was always cracking the most dad jokes that have ever dad-joked; I missed it. And Lori's South Chocolate Gravy Pie. I didn't even want to know how many sticks of butter it took.

Lydia had her arms thrown around a tall, leggy, blonde girl that looked like her name was Sarah or Hannah. The post was in black and white and Hannah/Sarah showed off her gorgeous ring.

lydia-nielson99 The best honorary sister ever <3!

When my ex and I dated, the idea of fine dining was a night out at a movie sharing a bucket of popcorn and an honest-to-God-attempt at moving hopping. We talked about marriage; he'd slip on fake rings made from grass blades braided together meticulously on my finger, kiss it, and promise me that he'd earn me something worthy of my finger.

The post had only been up for 43 minutes and already had gotten a hundred or so likes. I scrolled the comment section, ignoring the rushing tap, to read the comments from my friends, our couple friends. They must've liked Sarah/Hannah better, or at least liked her and Shane better together then Shane and me. I haven’t heard from them since the breakup.

Aren't most geologists analog? I slipped my phone back into my pocket and washed my hands, wishing that I could crawl under a rock, one of those ancient ones that Lydia studies.

I couldn't decide. I couldn't decide between a red that would give me a headache I could feel in my teeth or straight gasoline that would make my face, and heart, as equally numb.

I wanted something quick and something strong. I was so, so, so over Shane it wasn't even funny. But that didn't stop him from being the love of my life, to the loss of my life. I just wondered, as I roamed the supermarket with my metal carriage holding tequila, limes, Kraft Mac and Cheese, and frozen pizza bagels, if he told Hannah/Sarah the same things.

If he would sit across from her, now probably able to splurge on a dinner fancier than Taco Bell or Denny's, and hold her hands. Would he move her ring from her middle finger to her ring finger like he did on mine?

God, I cringed, dropping in a box of Double Stuffed Oreos, I let him, shit talk me under tables with promises of rings and cradles in the other breath.

I reached for the pint of strawberry as another text pinged. Internally I knew that I would soon face an onslaught of future wine moms just jumping at the chance to "check in with me" during "such a challenging and emotional time" for me. I ignored the message, but it pinged again.

Spencer: Penelope said that the new season of that show you like is on. We can watch it tonight. I think that Hotch is actually gonna let us out at a normal time.

Spencer, my roommate, always texted with formality and correct grammar. I actually think that it would be impossible for him to do anything, but use proper spelling and grammar.

Unlike certain geologists, Spencer is actually analog. When I was searching for a roommate after my break-up, our mutual friend Penelope put us in touch. And just mere months later we've formed a friendship that most days is closer to a partnership than it is to anything else. Friends were hard for me, and relationships even harder. Looking back, I think that allowed Shane to bulldoze through boundaries I didn't even know I should have.

Spencer, a certified genius and self-described technophobe, couldn't tell me the purpose of Instagram, let alone that my ex-boyfriend's sister posted a picture with her newest soon to be sister-in-law, Sarah/Hannah.

I dropped a pint of Rocky Road ice cream and looped around for an extra box of Kraft Mac and Cheese before replying back to Spencer.

Me: Worst. Day. Ever!!! Ice cream & carbs @ 7

I stared at the bottle of tequila, understanding that ever since my 31st birthday, me and excessive drinking due to external crises would result in bloating, headaches, backaches, anxiety, and an entire weekend of recovery. Maybe instead of several shots, but I already finished half of the bottle of red I bought as a bottom of the ninth decision.

"Tequila?" Spencer mused, dropping his bag on the table. "This must be like Defcon 4? And I should know, I work in national security."

I grunted, my fingers drumming against the table. The cheap speaker connected to my phone plays sad breakup music. I saw Spencer's wheels turn as he sat down with me at the table.

"Want boxed Mac & Cheese?" I asked, standing up to scoop some of the dinner into a plate for myself. I didn't seek it out often, but there was something familiar and comforting about Kraft Mac & Cheese. "I know it's got a lot of shitty stuff in it. But I'm actually going to lose my mind tonight."

My voice turned shrill and unsteady. And my eyes flooded with sharp, salty tears. Spencer stood and then backed away, his eyes and face melting in mutual pain. "What happened?"

"Shane's getting married."

"That explains the tequila."

I laughed. Spencer didn't offer any condolences as the seconds ticked and ticked. Instead he looked at me. He must've noticed the groceries. The Oreos, ice creams, and boxes of incredibly processed macaroni and cheese all screamed classic crisis for me. Being as smart as he is, Spencer could probably have told something about me within weeks of meeting me.

"Well, I already drank some of that red wine." I said. "The tequila doesn't sound like a good choice. But bad choices can be fun choices when you want to hide under a rock for the rest of your life."

Spencer still didn't offer anything, he kicked off his shoes and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet. "No tequila."

“You’re no fun." I huffed, grabbing my bowl and heading to the living room. "You promised me new episodes of The Queen's Court."

Spencer still frowned, his arms crossed as his steaming bowl of processed cheese pasta sat to his side on the counter. "I didn't think that Shane still was someone you thought about."

I sighed.

“It’s understandable. He’s marrying the girl he started dating right after breaking-up with you.”

I didn't think about Shane, not that often though. But he still was my first love. The love I shared with Shane was something he stole from me. I had given him all that youth for free; now I was thirty-one. Don't get me wrong, thirty-one is young, I don't feel old. But it's this weird, almost off-putting subliminal feeling when all of my friends either smell like weed or little babies.

"I don't love him. I don't want to be with him."

Spencer had rolled up his sleeves, revealing his forearms. He had a couple pictures of himself when he was younger. Him with his mom at one of his many post-graduate celebrations. One with his co-workers at a bar. He changed a lot; in pictures of the past he was thin and lanky. But now, when he would wear pants or cardigans or button downs with the sleeves rolled up, I found it difficult to not stare in appreciation. My sex life with Shane was good, consistent, and effective. While it might sound clinical to some, I think we both enjoyed knowing that we both knew how to, simply, get the job done for each other. I must be missing sex an awful lot to be getting flushed at the sight of Spencer’s arms.

Two years older than me, Spencer had had a life harder than most people. Penelope explained to me that he was finding it hard to live alone after he was falsely incarcerated. And working the hours he did at the BAU, he found it hard to find someone okay with someone coming home all hours of the night.

Like Spencer, I hated living alone. So together, we built a little home as roommates, as friends, and somewhere along the lines, as partners. And over the last couple of months, Spencer had never brought a date home. I had one hook up about two weeks after we moved in together. It was fine, but not enough to tempt back onto the horrid, vapid, devoid of anything promising landscape that was Bumble and Hinge.

"I just..." I bring my face into my hands in embarrassment. "I miss having someone to come home to who wants to see me."

Spencer crossed through the living room, bowl in hand. He sat criss cross on the floor like he did most nights. "I want to see you. I always want to see you, Y/N."

"You know what I mean, Spencer…And if I'm being honest...sex. God, I miss sex. Good, consistent, effective sex from someone that knows me."

Spencer and I never talked about sex. When we would watch movies that had sex scenes in it, neither of us would talk. One time we watched a movie starring whatever current Hollywood Pretty Boy had captured the hearts of the Internet at the time, and I commented that I would "ride that cowboy into the sunset." I remembered looking at Spencer for his reaction. Usually he would blush or roll his eyes or kick me playfully in the shin for being crass.

But that time he didn't. Instead, his jaw set, grinding firmly and unyieldingly. After that I didn't make sexy jokes or talk about sex in front of him. I thought it made him uncomfortable, till now I suppose

The music changed, and the breakup anthem of the century played. I stood up on the sofa, solo cup in hand and swayed to the music as Spencer stood below.

"You want sex?" Spencer asked. "We can have sex on this sofa right now if that's what you want. I mean, how much wine have you had?"

I busted out laughing, sipping the red wine from my solo cup. I didn't bother for a fancy wine glass. Besides, it was cheap and . And clearly it was working if it made me imagine Spencer Reid, my hot, stoic roommate with dreamy brown eyes, offering me sex.

"Spencer! Come, dance. Please!" His eyes shifted over my body. And he must have noticed the way my knees wobbled under the insecurity of the sofa cushions or the way my eyes must have been glazed and sparkly.

He obliged me, and his hand wrapped around mine. He raised my hand above my head to twirl me and then walked me down from the couch. "Let's get you on level ground. I hurt my leg a couple years after I started the BAU and it's no fun healing up."

He sat me down on the couch and placed a throw blanket on my lap. My bowl of Mac & Cheese was missing, but returned back to my lap, reheated. Spencer also replaced my solo cup, cutting me off, thankfully, from alcohol for the time.

"Peach flavored electrolyte water. And tomorrow I'll make you breakfast." He offered, sitting down on my right as he started the show.

"I didn't mean to be annoying and buzzed. I know you don’t like it" I said, not looking at Spencer. "I don't love him. Or like him. Or even want to be with him. Ugh. No, I just...I want…sex."

Spencer nodded, not even looking at me as the scene between the Queen and her lady's maid wore on. I kept trying to convince Spencer that the Queen was actually the villain and the warring clan would take over and let the series run on and on for an infinite amount of seasons. But it was campy and dramatic and exactly what I needed as I licked my, apparently, very open and painful wounds.

"What's the matter?" I asked, pausing the television. "You look pissed off."

"You know that he was the one that lost out when you guys broke up." Spencer's eyes didn't meet mine, even though the television remained paused. "He didn't deserve you. Not if he didn't know how goddamn lucky he was when he had you."

I don't let my heart think this means anything."What?" But I feel my cheeks prickle with

heat, just like they did when Spencer, albeit jokingly, offered to have sex with me.

"I said, it's his loss. If I had you, I wouldn't ever lose you, Y/N."

"I'm nothing special." I admit. I wasn't the most positive or confident girl, in my mid twenties I went to therapy for a good three years to sort out some baggage from my childhood. We all have something and mine was having a hard time seeing myself. I couldn't maintain positivity, to my brain it was better to remain neutral than to jam positivity down my throat that I couldn't honestly accept.

"You're not nothing special, Y/N." Spencer's voice cut through, sharp and confident. He sat up, his body sliding so close to mine that his knees touched my thighs. "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And you're smart. And funny. You make me laugh like no one has during a time in my life when I was convinced no one would be able to."

Our apartment isn't big, but it's enough space for Spencer and I to feel like we're could interact when we wanted, which was most of the time. But there was enough space for us to find our alone time when needed.

As Spencer's knees rubbed against mine and his soft eyes met mine, the room seemed to collapse. It was as if all the air was sucked out.

“And I am so...I've never been happier to have you be the last person I see before I go to sleep and the first person I get to see when I wake up. And if I...and if I had that with you the way he did? I wouldn't have messed it up."

"Spencer…" He raised his hand, showing me his palm, a sign that I think signified he meant no harm, but as he words, heated and charged sliced through me, I could feel them ricochet upon impact.

"I know…But, when I said I would fuck you on this couch, Y/N, it wasn't an empty promise. I meant it. And it wouldn’t have to mean anything.”

Spencer shifted on the couch. It creaked with his weight. The bowl of Mac & Cheese burned against my leg— even through the throw blanket. My heart was racing and racing till it skipped a beat. It nearly stopped. He sounded so sure of himself. I wanted to laugh it off again, as if the thought of me and Spencer hooking up…no fucking on the sofa was something comedic or entertaining.

“Are you…Spencer…are you sure?”

I tried to keep my voice steady, unwilling to let him know that the thought of his hands on my body lit a fire inside of me, a fire that I had yet to challenge. But God do I want to tame it. Sex with Spencer would be messy and complicated.

Spencer’s eyes narrowed in on my face. I would’ve thought that being stared at so intensely would have made me want to sink into the couch so I’d be as forgotten as stray hair ties and pocket change. But I wasn’t. Spencer’s brown eyes, liquid bronze bore into me. I felt a hot excitement wash over me that I knew was arousal.

“Yes.”

“Is it bad that I want you to kiss me?” I sighed. “It’s bad timing for either of us. But…”

“But you want me to kiss you?” I nodded and Spencer moved closer to me on the couch. “You want me to help you forget how that man has made you hurt.”

“Spencer…” Before I could rescind my desire, not that I would ever think about it, his hand cupped my cheek. Spencer’s thumb brushed against my jawbone as his eyes scanned my face. I could smell his lavender mint body wash; crisp and clean.

His mouth was anything, but crisp and clean. It was hot and dirty. Spencer kissed me with a hunger that couldn’t be sated with just one kiss. I knew for the moment his lips touched mine, I was done for. I wasn’t a whiskey drinker; I hardly knew what it even tasted like. But Spencer’s kisses felt like it. He doesn’t drink, but his warm body was flush against mine and I tasted the heady, smokey warmth of a strong cocktail. His arms and torso were thick and solid.

I brought my hands up to his neck and carded my fingers through his scalp. He groaned, the vibrations tingled against my lips as he kissed me. Spencer’s teeth tugged at my bottom lip, pulling it out before he kissed it again. He shifted so his back was against the couch and I was hauled up to his lap.

“There you go, baby.” Spencer said. His hands were large and imposing against my back and I could feel their heat through my shirt.

My muscles and resolve transformed to liquid when he called me that. I could feel my heart surge and lurch and leap as Spencer’s lips nipped against my skin. It was so good, so warm, so achingly wonderful that I felt myself wondering if I could do this over and over. I loved my vibrator and I would continue to love my vibrator long after this once-in-a-life-time situation with my roommate would end. But there was nothing like straddling a man’s lap.

And Spencer Reid was a sight to behold. I knew he used to be skinny, but in the years that I didn’t know him, Spencer had grown up. He filled out his pants with his strong thighs and softer stomach. His pants were strained and tented. I grinded down, enjoying his haughty moan in my ear.

I arched my back, exposing my neck as Spencer’s wet, hot mouth pressed kissed along the column of my throat. Feeling him grin as he kissed me I tugged at his hair sharp and hard. His grunt is a mixture of surprise and pleasure. I didn’t think that he’d be this vocal but with me writing in his lap I felt him try to hold back.

“Just touch me.” I whined, kissing Spencer. “Please just touch me.”

His pants tented against my core. I tensed at the feeling of his erection. My pajama pants and underwear, though thin, offer only a sliver of the friction I desired. Spencer’s fingers, quick and nimble, didn’t hesitate to undo the drawstring bow.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Spencer murmured, kissing my temple. His lips are like a tattoo kiss as he resurrects something inside of me that I had long buried. “Sit on the couch.”

I scrambled to sit, my body acting of its own accord as Spencer’s words rattled through me. He was so confident, so sure, so certain. And his hands never left my body. It was as if there was some internal pull between the two of us. He sank to his knees and swung my right leg over his shoulder. I lifted my butt and he slid my pajama pants off my legs. Tossing them to the floor, Spencer licked his lower lip and looked at me as if I was good enough to eat. I supposed that we were about to find out just exactly how good I was.

“Open up for me, baby girl.” Spencer whispered, his breath landed on my skin and made me jump. “Let me see just how pretty you are.”

Spencer Reid had a dirty mouth. My cheeks and chest and belly burned with arousal. He kissed along the edges of my panties. Spencer’s middle finger dragged along my underwear, teasing my clit through the cotton fabric. With the patience of a saint, Spencer tormented both of us. He looked at me as if he could commit me to memory. His eyes were heavy with lust and something that I swore could mean something more. But that line of thinking had red wine written all over it. It wasn’t drunk. Hell, I wasn’t even buzzed anymore.

“Jesus, I’m a lucky fucking bastard.”

Yet, I sat there. With my legs spread, held open by Spencer’s large hands, practically humming with need and desire.

“Please. Please. Just touch me.” I begged, beyond caring if I sounded wanton with need. Spencer smirked as he hooked a finger underneath my panties and slipped them down my legs. And there I sat, legs spread. Finally he obliged. With two fingers, Spencer dragged them up my exposed core. The heel of his hand brushed against my clit. His skin was soft and his fingers deft and skilled. I closed my eyes as the pleasure took control of my body.

Spencer slipped a fingertip inside of me. He could feel the wetness dripping from my cunt. I grabbed his wrist, forcing him to hold his hand against my core. Our eyes met and I could not tell which one of us decided to let his finger sink inside of me. I watched as he slipped inside and released a throaty moan. My cries were extinguished by Spencer’s unyielding mouth. He pumped in and out, in and out, before slipping out of my cunt all together. I lunged forward at the sudden loss and was met by Spencer’s wry chuckle.

“I am going to eat your pussy. And you are going to cum against my face with your legs around my shoulders.”

I groaned. It’s as if Spencer knew that my brain needed to be switched off. He nipped at my inner thigh. Blood rushed throughout my body and I felt my pussy heat at the sensation. Spencer’s soft breath was hot against my skin as he kissed. He licked a line up my aroused core before flicking his tongue over my clit. It was a teasing, tormenting motion that coaxed a wave of pleasure to build. He’s a man possessed, so far gone that I didn’t even attempt to hold back as a moan rises in my throat.

“Jesus. You are a sight to behold. I’m going to show you how a man takes his time.”

As if he could possibly spread me apart even further, Spencer squeezed my thighs. Clearly he wanted to see all of me. Taste all of me. I could feel a coil tighten in my lower stomach and as Spencer lowered his mouth to my core, I felt the coil snap.

His licks aren’t shy and timid like I imagined. They’re purposeful and powerful. And threaten to melt my carefully crafted guard. He’s already gotten me well past the point of foreplay. I’m so wet that I’m sure cock that tents his pants can slip inside without much resistance. But he didn’t stop. His tongue continued lick and nip and suck against my most intimate area.

“Is this all for me? So wet. So pretty, sweetheart. Your cunt is dripping for me.”

I panted, unable to form a coherent thought as Spencer’s heated gaze spread over me. “All for you. Only for you.”

“Well in that case, I think I have a job to do.

All I could see was red. His hands gripped my thighs. I hated my thighs, usually. They’re too soft and squishy and usually ruin most pairs of pants eventually.

“Fucking hell.” Spencer cursed as he sunk two fingers into my needy cunt. “You’re so hot and tight for me, Y/N. Look at you. All splayed out. All for me.”

“You don’t have to do it until I finish.” I blurted out. “I—I know this isn’t….I want tonight to be for you as much as it is for me.”

Spencer’s eyes shifted.

“Ssshh, shhh,” He cooed. He looked up at me with his eyes big and blissed out. It was almost too much for me to handle. I watched as he kneeled in front of me; pants had become too tight from the moment my fingers groped him. At this point it was nearly impossible to withstand.

“I’ve thought about this way too much for us to rush this. I’m going to take my time with you, baby. You are going to ride my face like a good girl.The only thing that’s keeping me from cumming in my pants is the thought of burying my face into your pulsing cunt followed by my fucking you raw with my leaking cock.”

I yelped as he and sucked along my inner thigh. My skin was impossibly soft and tempting. “Fuck. Fuck, baby. You’re perfect. You are a fucking dream.”

I fisted his hair, feeling the familiar rush of pleasure from my head to my toes. For a while it only set my own bedsheets ablaze, but now it spread to Spencer. He groaned against my core, still lapping me up as the wall of pleasure threatened to come crashing down.

One second I was moaning, feeling myself toe the precipice before I teetered over. The feeling built and crashed before I could even enjoy it.

“Fuck! No. Damn it.” I cursed myself for not being able to climax, despite the down right sinful things Spencer was hell bent on doing between my legs. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t…sometimes I have a hard time.”

“Don’t worry,” Spencer assured, his thumb brushing against my kneecap, “We’ll find our rhythm. Together. Anything you want. And I think I might actually die if I don’t get inside you this second.”

I laughed, dragging Spencer up by the shirt collar. He placed his hands against my hips and pulled me forward for a kiss.

I tasted myself against his lips and it turned my on beyond belief. “I want you. I’m on the pill and I want you. It’s awful timing because I don’t have any condoms and it’s a terrible idea but—”

I’m cut off by Spencer’s lips again. His mouth seared against mine, hot and needy. “I’m clean. I want this. I want you. So badly, sweetheart. So bad.”

I nodded, my mouth unwilling and unable to leave Spencer as he knelt in between my legs. He stood to his full height and took my hands. “I know I have promised to fuck you on this couch, but I have a bad knee and once I’m buried inside you, baby, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back.”

“My bed’s made.”

Spencer’s hands didn’t leave my waist as I walked him to my bedroom. I should’ve been more embarrassed as I walked with him, considering I looked more akin to Winnie the Pooh than a sexy hook up. But once I felt a sharp sting on my ass, I quickly realized that Spencer thought the opposite.

“Don’t blame me.” Spencer said. “With that ass you’re lucky I haven’t had the sense to take you over my knee already.”

I turned, facing Spencer and standing with just an oversized pajama shirt covering my chest. His hands hovered over my waist, pulling me towards him by the fabric of my shirt. “I need to see those tits, baby. They drive me fucking wild in the morning. When you’re sitting on that damn counter with your messy hair and no bra. You’re a sight to behold, baby.”

“On one condition.” I presented, attempting to act as if the dirty words that fell between us had no effect on me. “Those pants? They find their way to the hamper. And fast.”

Spencer chuckled as his fingers brushed stray pieces of my hair away from my face. He touched me with such tenderness that I could feel myself craving it long after it was gone. He dropped his pants, followed by his boxers. I meant to tease him about the mini double helix DNAs printed all over his boxers, but I was effectively silenced by his erection.

I felt him the entire time I sat and made out with in his lap. I could feel how hard and thick and long he must be, but seeing him out in the open made my body lurch with need. He devoured me with his lips, pushing me down into the bed as his quick hands rid me of my shirt. Spencer’s teeth met my nipple, nipping and twisting it to elicit the dirtiest moans from my lips. He smiled, sucking marks into my skin that would last even after all what stood between us shattered.

Licking my lips, I could still taste myself from his kiss. Never feeling anything quite this intense with anyone, I suddenly felt so naked and bare. But Spencer’s calm hands, big and gentle, soothed me wordlessly.

“I need you.” I begged, wanton with need, “I need your cock so bad.” I wasn’t a begging woman, but as Spencer pressed the tip of his cock at my entrance I figured that anyone can learn how to relent now and again.

Sweet kisses to my sweaty skin replaced his dirty words that made me flush. As Spencer hovered above me, I drank him in. His eyes were hazel, but sometimes, depending on what he wore, they were brown or green. I quickly unbuttoned his top, eager to have his warmth spread all over him. He was thick and solid— all man. From the muscles in his back to the furrow of his brow and the slight curl pattern to his hair, Spencer sucked all the air from my lungs.

I was weightless. I was floating. I was soaring.

When he finally slid into me it was with an excruciatingly slow speed. “Don’t wanna hurt you.” He mumbled, a hand brushed my hair and a pair of lips kissed my forehead. “Give ya a chance to see what you can handle.”

Emboldened, I wrapped my legs and interlocked my ankles around Spencer’s butt. He lunged forward and his forehead dipped towards my breast. His kisses were fast and erratic as I felt him sink deeper and deeper inside of me.

“You’re so thick…ah!”

“Oh fuck.” His voice was as raw and as affected as mine. “It’ll be fine, darling. You’re so perfect like this. Taking this cock like a good girl. I know how to make it better for you.”

His thumbs, rough and sharp, circled around my clit helping me to take his cock deeper and deeper. I whined, desperate for the relief and embarrassed at the way I’m at center stage. Spencer took me, made me his and I’m nothing but a mess for him. My bones are liquid as he reaches out for my hand.

It was like there was a blueprint to my body. I had it locked away somewhere. But somehow, somewhere along the way Spencer figured out where it was stored. He read the blueprint. And he knew exactly what to do to make my foundation crumble. With each stroke of his fingers against my clit or pulse of his cock in my pussy, he knew exactly what I needed.

Spencer’s lust filled voice rang clear. “You feel close. I’m so close. Can you come for me? Huh? Show me how you play with that pretty little pussy. How do you do it, Y/N?”

His hands and fingers dug into my lush body with an unrelenting desire I wasn’t accustomed to. Magic fingers. God. And I magic fucking cock. I grabbed his hair, dragging him down to my lips as I teased my clit. Looking down to where our two halves met nearly sent me over the edge. My cock swallowed Spencer’s thick cock, it was hot and erotic and I watched with my mouth hanging open in pure, unadulterated desire. My pussy, wet and hungry for more, begged him for more. I grabbed his ass with my unoccupied, dragging my fingernails down his skin as I begged for him to fuck me harder.

“Harder. Spencer. I need it.”

Spencer brought his face into my neck, kissing and biting my neck as he pounded into me. The angle set rockets of pleasure from my core to my toes, spurring me on as I practically chanted his name. Spencer moaned, his teeth sharp and mouth hot and heady as his kisses grew more and more frantic.

His thrusting was still sharp and calculated as his cocked continued to fuck me. “God, you look gorgeous when I fuck you. All fucked out from my cock. My girl.”

I liked the way he called me his. It was nice to be claimed. To be wanted and desired so badly that two letter little words were tacked on. It was a tiny word, but it changed the entire meaning. It was the sort of word that could make foundations falter and buildings collapse and roommates morph into something else entirely. Endorphins and hormones and who else knows what coursed through my veins.

It was just me and him. Together in a limitless space that neither of us would care to ever leave.

“So close.” I groaned and Spencer knew well enough to just continue rather than to change anything up. “That’s it, baby. Oh! Fuck. Spencer.”

My high came crashing down around me. I felt my cunt clamp around Spencer’s cock as he continued to thrust into me. His eyes watched me with an analytic level of observation. I knew he had a good memory; one that refused to allow him to forget much of anything. But as he watched me fall apart, naked and vulnerable and oh so aroused, it was like he was trying to commit me to memory.

“Come inside. Fuck! Spencer. Please. I need it. I want it.” I begged him, desperate for him to climax inside of me. I wanted to see what it would feel like to have his cum dripping from my needy, spent pussy. I wondered if it would feel different, if it would change something, something fundamentally.

His voice was hoarse and strained as he came, shooting spurts of hot cum into my cunt. It was unabashedly erotic, watching him fall apart with his bare cock stuffed inside me. “Fucking, hell. It’s never been like that before.” He kissed my jaw, holding me in place by my chin while still sheathed inside of me. It was a lovely feeling. Full and safe. I must have been so drunk on him because I thought I could stay like this forever.

The silence that fell between the two of us lingered for several months. Spencer’s fingers danced along my hip bone and up to my rib change. His eyes were closed and his hair was matted with sweat against his forehead. He had creases near his eyes and deep, well set-in bags under his eyes. I wondered how inappropriate it would be for him to spend the night with me. Naked of course. I don’t think either of us could handle having it any other way.

I never fucked my roommate. Nor have I been ballsy enough to have “feel better” sex with a friend. It’s not like I expected him to lay out a red carpet and get down on one knee after he gave me a handful of (earth shattering) orgasms.

“Y/N.” Spencer breathed. A beat passed before I dared to reply.

“Spencer.” He stirred beside me, his hand resting against my thigh.

“I think…I think we’re gonna need to try that again and again and again…” He rolled over onto me, kissing along my jaw. I felt the pads of his thumbs against my bare breasts and sighed.

God, help me. He’s my man.

Taglist: @foxy-eva @reid-ingandweeping @andiebeaword @boldlyvoid

(I know several people asked to be tagged, but if you didn't have that you were above 18 in your blog you won't be tagged in this one!

Please reblog, comment, and like! Feedback and encouragement and interactions are wonderful to receive. Thank you!

[sofmoth]

Smooth Stuff

for her birthday, @strang3lov3 challenged me to write dennis reynolds, and to use his DENNIS system on the reader. naturally i’m nervy because who can do dennis but glenn howerton honestly??? and genuinely not to suck myself off but i feel like i met the brief LMAO

this is for all us dennisfuckers, dennisfucker nation stand up!!!

also posted to AO3 by me (@sofmoth), link here.

divider created by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

dennis reynolds x reader. WC: 2.3k

DO NOT BOTHER INTERACTING IF YOUR BIO IS AGELESS OR BLANK.

18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED ON SIGHT.

HEED ALL WARNINGS:

DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT. dennis is a literal sociopath, dennis is manipulative, dennis manipulates reader for sex, dubcon, reader is psychologically tortured, sober sex with a drunk person, reader gets drunk, canon-typical dennisisms, no confirmed relationship, use of the DENNIS system, smut. once more for the cheap seats, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT.

“My name’s Dennis, I’m collecting donations for the Boys & Girls Club.”

That’s how it started. He’d come in to ask if there were any old toys your store was about to throw out, and if you would consider donating them instead. Unfortunately not, you’d told him, but you were pretty sure you had a phone number he could call and he might have some luck with that. You’d written it down on a Post-It for him with the name of the person he should ask for, and then you handed him a Post-It with your name and number. You’d never been so bold before; something about him inspired that in you.

He called you every other night, and you talked for a few hours each time. It felt like nothing, talking to Dennis was as easy as breathing. He was charming, and funny, and he actually listened to you bitch about the day you had at work instead of interrupting every 38 seconds to talk about himself. Friday night, near the end of your call, he asked if you’d ever been to a restaurant called Guigino’s. He’ll be taking you on Sunday.

You don’t know why you’re so nervous walking to the restaurant with him; you’ve gotten pretty comfortable with him over the phone. He can probably sense your anxiety, hooking his arm into yours as you walk. You hear it before you see it, Dennis groans and you look up. A sign on the door reads CLOSED, and Dennis holds his face in his hand. He sighs, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Unbelievable, I’m sorry. How about we take a rain check on this? We can grab a pizza or something and head back to my place, watch a movie? My roommate’ll be there but he keeps to himself. If that’s okay with you, of course.” You hum, bite your lip.

“Okay. It’s still Italian.” You stifle a nervous giggle and Dennis chuckles, wrapping his arm over your shoulder as you continue down the street.

As the apartment door opens you can see a man sitting on the couch, reading a book with the TV barely on. He must be Dennis’s roommate. Dennis clears his throat.

“Hey man. Do you mind taking that to your room? The restaurant was closed, we’d like to… y’know, get to know each other a bit. In private.”

“I’m not going in there.” Dennis’s jaw twitches.

“Why not?”

“I saw a black widow. I’m not going back in there.”

Dennis sighs, looks over at you.

“I mean, I guess we could take this to my room? Eat on the bed, watch a DVD in there?” You nod and he relaxes, smiling at you.

You sit on top of his covers with the pizza box between you, eating absently as you attempt to follow the movie. You’re not entirely sure what it is, but you think you recognize a few of the actors. You feel Dennis’s knee touch yours, looking over at him.

“Pretty good pizza.” He closes the box.

“Not the only good thing I’m looking at.”

God damn, does he fuck. You almost feel bad for his roommate, though the thought is immediately pushed from your mind as the head of his cock borderline bruises your cervix. His hand on your throat stifles your moans, your eyes roll back from the sensation. You’re practically folded in half, knees pressed closer to your shoulders than you ever thought possible, your arms around his neck as he kisses you messily.

Your legs start to tremble, toes curling as you feel the tension building in your belly. You knot your fingers in his hair, tugging hard as your back arches into his chest and you begin to see stars. He doesn’t slow down, if anything he fucks you harder, tears pricking at your lashes as the stimulation toes the line of too much. You silently thank God he had condoms, glad he won’t have to pull out and finish on you. His pace falters, hips stuttering as he grates out a near-rapturous “Oh, fuck.” 

He pants against your neck, wincing as he pulls out. You prop yourself up on your elbows, legs still shaking You look him up and down, the sheen of sweat on his forehead and the wild look in his eyes nearly doing you in again. He tosses the spent condom down into the wastebasket by his nightstand, pulling his boxers up and laying on his back next to you. You look over at him, raising an eyebrow. He raises one back at you.

“Oh, really?”

The next evening after work, you find one of your tires almost completely deflated. You groan, inspecting the rubber and locating a sizable screw lodged between the treads. Fucking fantastic. You sigh, chewing on your lip. You’ve only been talking with him for a little over a week, and you don’t want to seem too needy, but you call Dennis anyway. Maybe he’ll be able to give you a ride to the auto shop at least.

He’s there in no time, happy to help. He even offered to change the tire for you. As he stands he wipes his hands on his jeans, kissing you quickly before replacing the jack in your trunk. You feel your cheeks heating up, a grin tugging at the corner of your mouth.

“I’ve got some stuff to do this week, so how about we go to Guigino’s next week?”

“Sounds good to me. You free that Friday?” He smiles at you.

“Yes, I am. How does 7 sound?”

“That’ll be great. Give me a call when you’ve got time, I’ll see you.” You enter your car, starting the engine as he backs away and raises a hand to you.

You notice he watches you leave the parking lot before leaving himself. That’s the first time any man has bothered to make sure nothing else happened to you. Dennis calls that night, you talk for a bit before you both decide to go to bed. The next two days follow the same routine, but the third day he doesn’t call. You feel a bit dejected, and by 8:30 you’re two glasses of wine deep, nearly ready to go to bed. Your phone rings and you’re wide awake again, picking up without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” You’re met only with the sound of heavy breathing. “Hello? Who is this?”

“I know where you are, you dirty slut. I’m gonna gut you like a fish.”

You hang up, throwing the phone almost across the living room. Your hands shake and you stand slowly, walking carefully over lest it ring and be the same man on the other end again. You call Dennis, and as he picks up you can’t control your tears attempting to explain what just happened. He arrives at your apartment shortly, holding you on the couch as you try to calm down. He offers to stay the night and you insist he doesn’t have to, he insists he wants to if it’ll make you feel safer. You gratefully accept.

Your week is filled with mishaps and threatening calls, notes left on your car in your apartment and work lots. You tell him the only person you can think of who would do this to you is your batshit crazy ex, so Dennis comes to visit for a bit most evenings. Dennis has to cancel your plans for Guigino’s, and as he leaves he kisses you at the door with a promise that he’ll call you.

He doesn’t call. You try to only call him once a day, leaving simple and short voicemails. The threatening calls start again and you try to get ahold of Dennis, still to no avail. You spend the next week almost too afraid to set foot outside, but you have obligations that must be met, phone stalker or not. By the end of the week you’ve given up. You didn’t expect this from him, don’t know what prompted it. You can’t tell whether you were too clingy, or perhaps you weren’t paying him the attention he deserved. You sit on your couch, already down three glasses of wine and working on your fourth when a knock on your door startles you.

You lean against the peephole, trying to make out who it is. Dennis. You groan quietly, holding your face in your hands. You sigh deeply, pulling the door open to face him directly. His shoulders are slack, he looks sad.

“Can I come in?” You gesture him inside, he sits on the couch and eyes the wine bottle. “I know I’ve been distant. I’m sorry.”

You sit next to him, picking up your wine glass and finishing it in one long swig.

“I just wanted to explain myself. Listen, I was being a coward. I was afraid. I’ve had my heart broken so many times, and you’re too good for me. I was scared it was gonna happen again and I was gonna lose the best thing that’s happened to me in ages, so I did a really shitty thing and cut you out before you could do it to me. That was awful of me.”

You rub your temple, sighing through your nose as he talks.

“I… I’m not afraid of that anymore. I thought about it really hard, and being away from you this week has been killing me. I wanna be with you. I love spending time with you and talking to you, when I have a bad day getting to talk to you makes it feel like it never even happened. Please, give me another chance.”

Maybe it’s the wine, maybe it’s the stress you’ve been under, but the sincerity in his eyes knocks down every emotional barricade you put up. How exactly you got into bed with him is a blur, but you remember Dennis pulling you up at some point as you made out on the couch. This isn’t like the first time you fucked him, he’s taking his time with you now.

Your eyelids flutter as he lays kisses to your neck and chest, peeling your shorts away as you toss your tank top across the room. You can’t keep your hands off of him, fingers digging into the flesh of his back as he removes his shirt. He kisses you deeply, you hear the harsh sound of his zipper and he pulls away for a moment to remove his jeans. He’s back over you in an instant, hips grinding into yours evenly.

You make out slowly, fingers tangled in each other’s hair as he continues dry humping you. His pace begins quickening, his breathing becoming shallow. You’re both getting desperate, and you push his hand down to the waistband of your panties. He removes them without hesitation, pulling away from you once again only to push down his boxers. He reaches over to your nightstand, fishing around in the drawer for a condom.

You could cry when you finally feel him push inside you, the slow roll of his hips into yours making your eyes nearly cross and your back arch. One arm holds him up just above your torso, his other hand grips your hip. You can feel his teeth and tongue on your neck and clavicle, whining at the soft bites he lays down. The hand on your hip comes up to your chest and you gasp as he squeezes, his thumb grazing your nipple as he wraps his lips around the other. The wet heat drives you fucking crazy; you bite down on your own hand to ground yourself.

Your hips start to sting, you don’t even know how long you’ve had your legs spread at this point. Dennis doesn’t seem anywhere near tired or finished, his speed increased and his grip on your skin even firmer. You wrap your legs around his waist, he moans openly and fucks you harder. It still isn’t as hard as your first hookup, but you imagine this is what finding religion feels like. You feel his hand snake down between your bodies, gasping at the sensation of his thumb circling your clit.

Your eyes start to water, breathing becoming jerky as you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer. His pelvis slams against yours, the speed and friction only pushing you closer to your orgasm. You whimper; the rubber band is about to snap, your stomach tenses and your thighs twitch. Dennis kisses you, hard, pounding into you and stopping abruptly. Your whine becomes a broken moan as he focuses his attention on your clit, tears falling as your entire body stiffens and relaxes from the relief your orgasm brings.

You moan again into his mouth and he continues fucking into you, and you can tell he’s close. Courteous, too. His speed is unrelenting, plowing into you so forcefully it almost hurts. He buries his cock inside you one final time, pressing his face into your tits and moaning raggedly. You almost wish you could feel him cum inside you, curious to experience the sensation. Dennis pants against your chest, squeezing your hip as you release his waist from the confinement of your calves.

He doesn’t move, holding his cock inside of you for what feels like hours. By the time he pulls out, you’re wracked by a wave of exhaustion. You can barely keep your eyes open, only vaguely aware of his movements  as he throws away the condom and pulls the blankets over you both. You feel him stroke your hair and press a kiss to your cheek, and you think you hear him say something but you can’t quite understand him.

Your alarm scares you awake, on your one day off no less. You reach behind yourself, feeling only the mattress under your palm. You sit up, confused, listening for the sound of Dennis moving around anywhere in your apartment. The entire place is silent. You pull on enough clothes to cover yourself, walking to your window to look into the parking lot and searching for Dennis’s car. You don’t see it anywhere. You try to call him, immediately you’re met with the telltale chime ready to inform you you’ve dialed a disconnected phone number.

“Douchebag” doesn’t even begin to describe that motherfucker.

[ellethespaceunicorn-masterlist]

Chris Evans Masterlist

Here you will find all of my Chris Evans works, arranged by character and type of work.

Series

Don’t Take My Sunshine Away (possibly on hiatus)

Bright Like The Moon (ongoing) - Lloyd is a minor character.

Challenges

Pretty As A Picture - Explicit - Lloyd Hansen x F!Reader - What started as a hobby day in the park turns into Lloyd Hansen showing you why taking photos of strangers is a bad idea.

Requests

Power Play: After Hours - Explicit - Lloyd Hansen x Assistant!Black!Reader - What happens when Lloyd sees you, his assistant, in something other than what you usually wear? Well, you should be worried about what he does when he sees you.

A Duke and His Duchess - Explicit - Soft!Dark!Lloyd Hansen x Chubby!Black!Fem!Reader - The night takes a dark turn when you are harassed at the club, but Lloyd comes to your rescue.

Headcanons

Family, Quirks/Hobbies, Sleep

What happens when the reader starts dressing to match Lloyd?

Interesting quirk (an ask I submitted to stargazingfangirl18)

Events

Daddy Dearest | Lloyd Hansen + Female Reader + Daddy kink + “Can you feel how much I want you?” + Darkfic (Sweet Treats Events 2024)

One-Shots

Oxytocin - Explicit - Ransom Drysdale x Older!Black!Fem!OFC - At a New Year’s Eve party, Ransom Drysdale’s life is forever changed by a chance meeting with Ivy Kensington.

One-Shots

Don’t Take Your Eyes Off It - Explicit - Sugar Daddy!Steve Rogers x Black!Fem!Reader - It’s Valentine’s Day, and you have a surprise for Steve!

Requests

No Good Deeds - Explicit - Landlord!Ari Levinson x Reader - Moving out on your own is challenging, but your landlord, Mr. Levinson is kind and helpful. But he may want more from you than your tenancy.

Events

Do It For Daddy | Jake Jensen + Female Reader + Daddy kink + “I told you, you would eventually start begging.” + Smut (Sweet Treats Events 2024)

One-Shots

Sweet Redemption - Explicit - Dennis Baker x Female!Reader - You move into the neighborhood and meet Dennis Baker, a man in the middle of a divorce. Trying to keep yourself honest, you keep him at a distance. But you’re drawn together after a mishap online. Will it end sweetly or on a sour note?

Headcanons

“Don’t run from me” Dennis x Wifey (facesitting)

Brunch with the family (slice of life)

Late night on the beach with Wifey

Ass worship

Nicknames and height

Panty sniffing?

Running into the ex-wife in the grocery store

Dennis comforting Wifey after a long, stressful day

how Dennis finds out that Wifey is pregnant

Dennis' zodiac sign

Does Dennis' wife like to be spanked during sex?

Is Dennis a horndog?

What are Dennis and Wifey's love languages?

Do Dennis and Wifey share nudes?

Drabbles

Dennis tells you about his and his ex-wife's fight on the day you met

Dennis comforts Wifey after her day doesn't go as planned (slice of life)

Dennis being the most capable father and husband (slice of life)

Lloyd Hansen (The Gray Man)

Andy Barber (Defending Jacob)

Ransom Drysdale (Knives Out)

Steve Rogers (Avengers films)

Curtis Everett (Snowpiercer)

Ari Levinson (The Red Sea Diving Resort)

Nick Gant (PUSH)

Jake Jensen (The Losers)

Frank Adler (Gifted)

Dennis Baker (DENNIS)

I DO NOT WRITE RPF FOR CHRIS

FULL MASTERLIST IS HERE.

[tevanbegins]

Well, I wanted to ramble a bit about how I totally love everything about the way Buck's bisexuality arc has been handled so far on 9-1-1. 💗💜💙 The sheer positivity and euphoria on display about it within the show makes me so profoundly happy! There has been no shame spiral, no element of exclusively targeted biphobia, only pure queer joy and acceptance thus far. 🌈 Buck accepted his newfound identity with ease, and his friends and loved ones also accepted him easily (his parents' hilariously weird reaction is a different story, but let's not get into decoding that right now.)

But it is Tommy's acceptance of Buck's bisexuality I really love the most. I especially adore how Tommy respects the fact that though Buck has only recently discovered he liked kissing men, it won't change that Buck has been attracted to women and will continue to be (Their exchange during the first date in 7x05 — I'm not lying about who I am / I didn't say you were, I was talking about me.) Tommy is a gay man but he is not at all insecure about Buck's attraction to multiple genders, and is not the least bit doubtful of Buck's same-sex attraction towards himself. And I think that is absolutely wonderful to see!

Moreover, this is kind of a contrast to the Hen and Eva backstory wherein Eva is shown to get pregnant from Denny's bio-dad (I don't exactly recall if Eva cheated on Hen with the man, but I think she did, correct me if I am wrong though, may have to rewatch.) Eva was a dark character regardless of her sexual identity but whatever this storyline was, it still emphasised the harmful "bisexuals get around" narrative, which shouldn't be condoned.

That's why I love this easy acceptance of Buck's bisexuality, specifically from Tommy's end so much, because bisexuals are often not only discriminated against by queer-phobes in general, but also face discrimination from within the LGBTQ+ community too. I hope Tim Minear and the writers stick to this positive approach towards Buck's bi-acceptance (self as well as from fellow queers and non-queers), because this is a rarity to see on screen. I'm sure there are more examples but I think the only other time I've seen this kind of all-round positive bisexual acceptance is for Alex Claremont-Diaz in Red, White & Royal Blue. And similarly, David Rose's pansexuality on Schitt's Creek. Whereas on shows like Grey's Anatomy, Station 19, How to Get Away With Murder, etc. I've also seen a bit of biphobia on display in the same space they attempt to showcase bisexual pride and queer representation.

So considering everything, I really want to see Buck and Tommy's relationship grow moving forward and see them be happy and madly in love, but I also want to watch them navigate different challenges couples encounter in their romantic journey and stay committed to each other through the highs and lows of it all. But while the writers are at it, I really hope they never reinforce any unfair bisexual prejudices through the narrative. Because the way it's been positively dealt with in season 7 by Tim & Co. is truly precious, and I wouldn't want anything about it to change! ✨🏳‍🌈

[kcyars99]

omg

[Verse 1]

Dear Adonis

I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest

It takes a man to be a man, your dad is not responsive

I look at him and wish your grandpa woulda wore a condom

I'm sorry that you gotta grow up and then stand behind him

Life is hard, I know, the challenge is always gon' beat us home

Sometimes our parents make mistakes that affect us until we grown

And you're a good kid that need good leadership

Let me be your mentor since your daddy don't teach you shit

Never let a man piss on your leg, son

Either you die right there or pop that man in the head, son

Never fall in the escort business, that's bad religion

Please remember, you could be a bitch even if you got bitches

Never code-switch, whether right or wrong, you a Black man

Even if it don't benefit your goals, do some push-ups, get some discipline

Don't cut them corners like your daddy did, fuck what Ozempic did

Don't pay to play with them Brazilians, get a gym membership

Understand, no throwin' rocks and hidin' hands, that's law

Don't be ashamed 'bout who you wit', that's how he treat your moms

Don't have a kid to hide a kid to hide again, be sure

Five percent will comprehend, but ninety-five is lost

Be proud of who you are, your strength come from within

Lotta superstars that's real, but your daddy ain't one of them

And you nothing like him, you'll carry yourself as king

Can't understand me right now? Just play this when you eighteen

[Verse 2]

Dear Sandra

Your son got some habits, I hope you don't undermine them

Especially with all the girls that's hurt inside this climate

You a woman, so you know how it feels to be in alignment

With emotion, hopin' a man can see you and not be blinded

Dear Dennis, you gave birth to a master manipulator

Even usin' you to prove who he is is a huge favor

I think you should ask for more paper, and more paper

And more, uh, more paper

I'm blamin' you for all his gamblin' addictions

Psychopath intuition, the man that like to play victim

You raised a horrible fuckin' person, the nerve of you, Dennis

Sandra, sit down, what I'm about to say is heavy, now listen

Mm-mm, your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think niggas like him should die

Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest they life

He hates Black women, hypersexualizes 'em with kinks of a nympho fetish

Grew facial hair because he understood bein' a beard just fit him better

He got sex offenders on ho-VO that he keep on a monthly allowance

A child should never be compromised and he keepin' his child around them

And we gotta raise our daughters knowin' there's predators like him lurkin'

Fuck a rap battle, he should die so all of these women can live with a purpose

I been in this industry twelve years, I'ma tell y'all one lil' secret

It's some weird shit goin' on and some of these artists be here to police it

They be streamlinin' victims all inside of they home and callin' 'em Tinder

Then leak videos of themselves to further push their agendas

To any woman that be playin' his music, know that you're playin' your sister

Or better, you're sellin' your niece, to the weirdos, not the good ones

Katt Williams said, "Get you the truth," so I'ma get mines

The Embassy 'bout to get raided, too, it's only a matter of time

Ayy, LeBron, keep the family away, hey, Curry, keep the family away

To anybody that embody the love for they kids, keep the family away

They lookin' at you too if you standin' by him, keep the family away

I'm lookin' to shoot through any pervert that lives, keep the family safe

[Verse 3]

Dear baby girl

I'm sorry that your father not active inside your world

He don't commit to much but his music, yeah, that's for sure

He a narcissist, misogynist, livin' inside his songs

Try destroy families rather than takin' care of his own

Should be teachin' you time tables or watchin' Frozen with you

Or at your eleventh birthday, singin' poems with you

Instead, he be in Turks, payin' for sex and poppin' Percs, examples that you don't deserve

I wanna tell you that you're loved, you're brave, you're kind

You got a gift to change the world, and could change your father's mind

'Cause our children is the future, but he lives inside confusion

Money's always been illusion, but that's the life he's used to

His father prolly didn't claim him neither

History do repeats itself, sometimes it don't need a reason

But I would like to say it's not your fault that he's hidin' another child

Give him grace, this the reason I made Mr. Morale

So our babies like you can cope later

Give you some confidence to go through somethin', it's hope later

I never wanna hear you chase a man 'cause his failed behavior

Sittin' in the club with sugar daddies for validation

You need to know that love is eternity and trumps all pain

I'll tell you who your father is, just play this song when it rains

Yes, he's a hitmaker, songwriter, superstar, right

And a fuckin' deadbeat that should never say "more life"

Meet the Grahams

[Verse 4]

Dear Aubrey

I know you probably thinkin' I wanted to crash your party

But truthfully, I don't have a hatin' bone in my body

This supposed to be a good exhibition within the game

But you fucked up the moment you called out my family's name

Why you had to stoop so low to discredit some decent people?

Guess integrity is lost when the metaphors doesn't reach you

And I like to understand 'cause your house was never a home

Thirty-seven, but you showin' up as a seven-year-old

You got gamblin' problems, drinkin' problems, pill-poppin' and spendin' problems

Bad with money, whorehouse

Solicitin' women problems, therapy's a lovely start

But I suggest some ayahuasca, strip the ego from the bottom

I try to empathize with you 'cause I know that you ain't been through nothin'

Crave entitlement, but wanna be liked so bad that it's puzzlin'

No dominance, let's recap moments when you didn't fit in

No secret handshakes with your friend

No cultural cachet to binge, just disrespectin' your mother

Identity's on the fence, don't know which family will love ya

The skin that you livin' in is compromised in personas

Can't channel your masculine even when standin' next to a woman

You a body shamer, you gon' hide them baby mamas, ain't ya?

You embarrassed of 'em, that's not right, that ain't how mama raised us

Take that mask off, I wanna see what's under them achievements

Why believe you? You never gave us nothin' to believe in

'Cause you lied about religious views, you lied about your surgery

You lied about your accent and your past tense, all is perjury

You lied about your ghostwriters, you lied about your crew members

They all pussy, you lied on 'em, I know they all got you in 'em

You lied about your son, you lied about your daughter, huh

You lied about them other kids that's out there hopin' that you come

You lied about the only artist that can offer you some help

Fuck a rap battle, this a long life battle with yourself

Yeah Drake is done ATP just hang it up dude you’re better off doing mainstream pop rap or something

[onlydylanobrien]

James Sweeney talks ‘Twinless’, getting intimate with Dylan O’Brien & our culture’s obsession with twins

Queer filmmaker James Sweeney writes, directs, and stars in Twinless, a wild and sharp dark comedy that’s been taking this year’s Sundance Film Festival by storm.

Co-starring internet boyfriend Dylan O’Brien in dual twin roles (as well as Gilmore Girls‘ Lauren Graham & The Nightingale‘s Aisling Franciosi), the film’s logline—”two young men meet in a twin bereavement support group and form an unlikely bromance”—is deceptively simple.

We wouldn’t dare spoil the film’s bold narrative turn that takes its story into thornier, more thrilling territory, but suffice it to say, it had the premiere-night audience gasping with glee, locking us into a film that brilliantly explores loneliness, grief, codependency, and, yes, the weird thing a lot of people seem to have with twins.

If you happened to see Sweeney’s feature debut Straight Up—a “rom-com” about a young gay man who hates sex so much he decides to start a relationship with a woman—you already have a pretty good idea of the unique tonal balance he can pull off, not to mention his incisive outlook on sexuality, identity, and obsession.

But even still, we guarantee Twinless will floor you—and make you even more certain that Sweeney is one of the most exciting voices in filmmaking working today.

Amid all the buzz, Queerty caught up with him at Sundance in Park City, Utah to talk about bringing his film to life, and his lifelong fascination with twins that inspired this singular story. And, of course, we had to ask him about his intimate (in more ways than one) collaboration with O’Brien, and how their bond produced quite possibly the best two performances of the young actor’s career.

QUEERTY: Twinless has grown out of this idea that’s been with you for many years. Can you tell me about its origin story, and how it’s evolved in the time since?

JAMES SWEENEY: I wish I could pin the light-bulb moment, but I’m sure learning about Twin Bereavement Support Groups is where the initial concept came from—though I don’t really remember when it happened. I can tell you, timeline wise, I grew up, obviously, being very interested in twins: Craving a twin for Christmas, not getting one, being disappointed, having the fantasy of running into a long-lost twin somewhere. I did date an identical twin and then, after we broke up, I wrote the first draft that year. So I’m sure there is connective tissue there, but clearly I blocked it out. [Laughs.]

Maybe it really was the the prevalence of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen that made a lot of people of our generation obsessed with twins. And, as someone who’s dating an identical twin, I know that he gets asked all sorts of strange questions about it.

Yeah, and throughout my research I’ve heard all the anecdotes and the annoying questions that twins get asked, and I tried to incorporate that, especially into the the support group. Being a twin isn’t a monolithic experience—everyone’s gonna have their own. Also, being an identical twin is different being a paternal twin, but yeah, I think culturally we are very fascinated with them.

We’re huge fans of your previous feature, Straight Up, as well, and though these are very different stories, I can draw some lines between the character you play in each, especially in the sense that they are both thorny, complicated queer men. I’m wondering—and not to use too harsh of a word—is whether or not your characters are ultimately “likable” or “unlikable” something you have back of mind in the writing process?

I’d say it was a lot more challenging with this film. I mean, I’d agree Todd in Straight Up is persnickety but I think I had a lot more trepidation about how I portrayed Dennis, because I knew we’d be walking a tonal tight rope, and how people received me would really influence the ride of the film that they go on, especially the third act. But it’s hard because you can’t really try to be likable, you know? This is the cliche thing, but as an actor you’re just trying to play the moment, to play the truth of it. So I guess, really, where I focused on it is in the writing and trying to make both characters feel real—their chemistry and reasons for being friends and seeing their conflict, both healthy and unhealthy—throughout. I think people can sort of imprint themselves on the characters. Because I’m different from Dennis, but I relate and I empathize with his flaws, because I have flaws I’m not proud of. And I have things I wish people would forgive me for, and that I struggle with forgiving others for, so I think that’s something that hopefully feels universal.

And of course there’s your co-star, Dylan O’Brien, who is phenomenal in these dual roles. I sounds like he was pretty much all-in from the minute he read the script, so what was that experience like from your point of view—knowing he was invested and ready to commit himself to your vision?

He’s been performing in a number of wonderful independent films lately, but when we met I think he was really just—because he was coming off of two major franchises—starting to curate the career and the stories that he really responded to. So it’s interesting how our working relationship and friendship has evolved throughout the years. But I’d say initially, when we met, I think I was most taken by the ownership he took over the role and the characters, and it just instilled me with so much trust, like, “Oh, he gets it—he understands my voice inherently, he came prepared, he watched my first film.” And I felt like we were so on the [same] page tonally, because we are traversing a lot of different shifts in tone and genre. And, being familiar and a fan of his previous work, I knew that he had so much dramatic and comedic range, so I was really excited. And also I felt like, because it wasn’t something that people hadn’t seen from him before, it made me feel less pressure, I guess, like we could fly a little bit more under-the-radar, which I think was easier for me [because] I deal better with lower expectations. [Laughs.]

Of course, he’s got a dual role here playing both straight twin Roman & gay twin Rocky, and in a recent Variety interview he talked about working on a “gay scale” with you to calibrate his performances. Can you talk a little bit more about what that is, and how it was referenced on set?

The “gay scale” is not so much—because obviously there’s not one kind of being gay, right? I think where I was coming from is, oftentimes when straight actors play gay, I think there can be a reticence to lean into femininity. They’re like, “Oh well, we’re just like them, I’m just going to play myself.” And obviously there are a lot of straight-passing gay men. I felt like, for this particular character contextually, it made more sense for Rocky to be more comfortable with both masculinity and femininity, and I wanted that to to feel authentic in his performance. And I think, once I gave him permission to do that, it was like switching a light—it was really transformative.

How early on in the process were you and Dylan starting to have conversations about that element of his performances? I know he initially came on board a few years back, so did you talk about how he’d play this gay role from the jump, or was it something where he showed up to set and was like, “here’s what I’ve got!”?

You’re actually reminding me: I didn’t see it until we were in Portland together, but in our very first conversation, we talked about that because I did want to make sure—I needed to know that this isn’t just an actor who’s like, “I want to show my range and do this crazy thing.” So we talked about how we saw the differences between Rocky and Roman, both in styling and posture, because one thing that he felt, that he wanted, that I always supported was having time in between characters so he could have a physical transformation. Just due to budget and scheduling constraints, we didn’t get as much time, but we got a few weeks between, and I think it really does manifest. But also just the headspace that he’s coming from was just as integral because, you know, he’s playing identical twins, so they need to look like the same person. But we did talk about it from the very first conversation.

And it goes with out saying that there are a lot of people—and even, or especially—a lot of gays who have very strong feelings about Dylan, who I imagine will be very thrilled to see him in both roles. In terms of the more intimate scenes involved, how did you navigate what you two would be comfortable with?

Without spoiling too much, I’ll just say he was always so game for every scene. There were two things where I’m like, “Are you sure you don’t want to take that out?” And he’s like, “no!” [Laughs.] He is aware of the gay community. He’s like, “Yeah, why are the gays so obsessed with me.” And I said, “I think there’s just a lot of straight white actors they like.” And he’s like, “No, I think it’s me in particular”—that’s not literally what he said. [Laughs.] But I don’t think it’s just gay men, because I’ve been with him in public spaces, and I’ve seen a lot of fans freak out over meeting him. I think there’s a very “everyman” quality about him, which I do think he’s really good at making people feel seen. And so I think, when people watch him in interviews, they feel like, “Oh, I could be friends with that person.” I think he’s really observant.

And I think that comes back to what you were saying about how intentional he is with the projects he’s choosing now, and he brings so much of himself to those. Yes, he’s a movie star, but he doesn’t feel like this larger-than-life person.

Well, I think that’s the way he lives his life as well, because he’s a private person, so… maybe I should stop talking about him. [Laughs.]

You’re also directing yourself, of course, which you also did for Straight Up. Did you feel more comfortable doing so this second time around? What did you learn from doing it the first time that you were able to apply here?

I guess it’s, in some senses, a muscle—the more you do it, the easier it gets. Was it easier? Yes and no. Todd [from Straight Up,] I think is a bit elevated in terms of the cadence and the rhythm and the posture. That was, I think, more of a physical and character transformation for me. Whereas Dennis, I think, was more emotionally challenging for me. So they were both challenging in different ways. I think Straight Up being so dialogue-heavy, my focus was being as prepared as I could be to make sure we were hitting the comedic beats here. Here, just it being a larger scale film, I was like juggling a lot more balls that I really relied on the work that I did in the script—because I didn’t always have time to come to set memorized. [Laughs.] So I kind of just had to trust that I knew the character. So even though I think I’m very different from Dennis, I do think there’s maybe more of myself in the performance, if that makes sense.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask you about a very specific needle-drop in this—a song I maybe hadn’t thought about in two decades: “Crazy For This Girl” by Evan & Jaron. What a throwback! Was this song just always in the back of your head for the film? Where’d you pull it from?

That was the one song we pre-cleared. I mean, we needed to because they sing along to it, but was very excited that we got that song for the movie. But it’s an iconic twin song, right? They’re twins! We also had another song, “Mother Mary,” and they’re twins. We have some sibling songs—obviously Ham—so, you know, we tried to be a little bit clever with our soundtrack. And we were trying to integrate some nostalgic touchstones because, you know, that’s the era when I think Roman was closest to his twin. So even the crush song we use the Halloween party was another nod to that, or or the bunk beds, or playing Chubby Bunny—we tried to have a motif of going back to when times were simpler in Roman’s head, and more pure.

Lastly, I know Straight Up premiered at Outfest in LA back in 2019, and now Twinless comes to Sundance as one of the may “LGBTQ+” films in the program, so I wonder what it’s meant for you to have your work embraces and supported by the queer film community?

Straight Up was on a platform theatrical release with Strand Releasing: We opened it to New York on February 28 2020, and then a couple weeks later, nobody was in theaters—we were supposed to be in more cities. So, yeah, I think in my mind, when we premiered at Outfest, I was like, “and maybe in two years I’ll be on a panel!” [Laughs.] Obviously, the world had other things in mind. But, at the festivals that I had such a great time—both queer and non-queer—because I got to do a whole regional festival run in the fall of 2019. I mean, I’d say it was really challenging putting this film together. And I go back and forth with—like, I’m happy for the film to be classified as a queer film because it’s so infused into the storytelling, but my hope is that anybody can enjoy the film. But I guess that’s also how I feel about every queer film that I like! Yeah, post-Outfest, I also feel like a lot of queer filmmakers that I’ve admired who have seen my work now have become colleagues. So, yeah, Straight Up definitely changed my life. I’d often heard, sometimes, the sophomore feature is the most difficult on, and I’m like, “well, hopefully not for me!” [Laughs.] But I’m just so grateful to be here at Sundance—we’ve been on such a long road on this film. To have the reaction on that opening night, and to be here with my cast and crew, is… I’m just over the moon.

Source: queerty.com

[theanalyzerguy]

Why Transgender People Need Gender-Affirming Care (Essay I wrote for school)

According to the Human Rights Campaign, twenty-two states have passed laws that ban minors from receiving gender-affirming care. Gender-affirming care which includes, puberty blockers, synthetic hormones, and surgeries, are a safe and effective way to treat gender dysphoria, which is distress that results from having one’s gender identity not match their sex assigned at birth. The HRC states that, “Every single major medical organization, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association, supports the provision of age-appropriate, gender-affirming care for transgender and non-binary people.” It is essential for transgender people to receive gender-affirming care because it decreases the risk of substance abuse, improves mental health, and gives them the opportunity to be who they truly are. 

It is evident that transgender people are at a higher risk of substance abuse and mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. According to one study, the use of any type of drug was 3.6 times more likely in transgender people than in cisgender people. Additionally, 47% of transgender adults reported binge-drinking in the last three months compared to 17% of the general population (Shannonhouse). However, a study also shows that gender-affirming surgeries can decrease the risk of substance abuse. A 35% decrease of past year tobacco smoking was found in transgender people who had one or more gender-affirming surgeries and a significant decrease in the odds of past-month binge alcohol abuse was observed when patients got all the surgeries they desired (“New Study Shows”). According to Columbia Psychiatry, “It is well documented that TGNB adolescents and young adults experience anxiety and depression, as well as suicidal ideation, at a much higher rate than their cisgender peers.” In 2020, the Trevor Project found that 54% of young people who identified as transgender seriously considered suicide, and 29% made an attempt on their lives. Despite this, numerous research studies have shown that gender-affirming care leads to improved mental health for transgender youth (Matouk and Wald). In addition to the numerous mental health benefits of letting transgender people access gender-affirming care, this care also allows transgender people to be who they really are. For example, Jaime Raines started testosterone when he was 17 years old. He describes how life was like before and after he started transitioning. “The two are incomparable really, life before transitioning felt like a struggle and I was constantly feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed about how I looked and how people perceived me. Life after, life now, is just me actually living my life as me” (“This transgender man”). 

Opponents of gender-affirming care argue that sex change drugs, meaning synthetic versions of testosterone and estrogen, are radical and experimental treatments. They state that these treatments are mutilating people’s bodies and that teenagers are not capable of consenting to these treatments (Surgeons). Furthermore, they attest that hormones are given to minors too quickly without any formal procedures to make sure it is in the best interest of the patient and sometimes even surgeries, such as double mastectomies, are being performed (Denny). Challengers to gender-affirming care also allege that some patients have underlying mental health conditions, such as anxiety or depression, which are not being treated (Denny). They claim being transgender is a social contagion because of the amount of people now identifying that way. They also claim that it is mostly teenage girls that want this type of medical intervention because identifying this way is a collective behavior that is commonly seen in people who do not feel comfortable with their bodies (Surgeons). Lastly, they argue that many people regret transitioning and go on to detransition.

Proponents of gender-affirming care argue that hormones have been given to transgender people for decades. The first gender clinic in America was opened in 1966 and these hormones have been given to cisgender people long before that to help with certain conditions, such as menopause (Rosenthal). These hormones are safe for adolescents and adults as long as they are being monitored by a medical professional. Hormones are not usually prescribed until a patient turns eighteen. If they are prescribed in adolescence, it is with parental permission and support after going through the informed consent process (HRC Foundation). Double mastectomies are rarely performed on minors. If these surgeries are performed on 16- or 17-year-olds it is with parental support after talking to therapists, and surgeons. Surgeries involving genitalia are never performed on those under 18 (HRC Foundation). Anyone who wants to receive gender-affirming care is required to speak to a mental health professional before and during their transition. Dysphoria can worsen existing mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression. After talking to the patient, a doctor will make the decision regarding transitioning and if it will help the patient’s mental health (HRC Foundation). The idea that being transgender is a “social contagion” is called “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria.” GRD has been thoroughly debunked and over 120 medical associations have issued statements calling for the elimination of this term (HRC Foundation). A study done by the American Academy of Pediatrics found that youth assigned female at birth are no more likely to identify as transgender then those assigned male at birth. Lastly, several studies have shown that the percentage of someone de-transitioning is quite rare. The regret rate of transition is as low as 1 or 2 percent (HRC Foundation).

In conclusion, gender-affirming care is life-saving care for transgender individuals. This care is safe, effective, and can be life changing. It decreases the risk of substance abuse, suicide, anxiety, depression, and allows transgender people to be who they truly are. If “to shine your brightest light is to be who you truly are” (Bennett), then should not everyone have a chance to shine their brightest light?

Works Cited

Bennett, Roy T. “Be Who You Truly Are.” The Light in the Heart, 25 Nov. 2018, thelightintheheart.wordpress.com/2018/11/25/be-who-you-truly-are-2/. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

Denny, Doreen. “Exposing the Lie of Gender-Affirming Care.” Restoring America, 13 Mar. 2023, www.washingtonexaminer.com/restoring-america/community-family/exposing-the-lie-of-gender-affirming-care?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Pmax_USA_High-Intent-Audience-Signals&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAmZGrBhAnEiwAo9qHiX8vNakZ_bQiz5rDsC-HxFlMyaTmQ2zs8cLde-oqFOfouZYQCoGxIxoCBo8QAvD_BwE. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

HRC Foundation. “Get the Facts on Gender-Affirming Care.” Human Rights Campaign, 22 Mar. 2023, www.hrc.org/resources/get-the-facts-on-gender-affirming-care. Accessed 6 Dec. 2023.

Matouk, Kareen, and Melina Wald. “Gender-Affirming Care Saves Lives.” Columbia University Department of Psychiatry, 30 Mar. 2022, www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/gender-affirming-care-saves-lives. Accessed 27 Nov. 2023.

“New Study Shows Transgender People Who Receive Gender-Affirming Surgery Are Significantly Less Likely to Experience Psychological Distress or Suicidal Ideation - Fenway Health: Health Care Is a Right, Not a Privilege.” Fenway Health, 28 Apr. 2021, fenwayhealth.org/new-study-shows-transgender-people-who-receive-gender-affirming-surgery-are-significantly-less-likely-to-experience-psychological-distress-or-suicidal-ideation/. Accessed 27 Nov. 2023.

Rosenthal, G. Samantha. “Gender-Affirming Care Has a Long History in the US – and Not Just for Transgender People.” The Conversation, 27 Mar. 2023, theconversation.com/gender-affirming-care-has-a-long-history-in-the-us-and-not-just-for-transgender-people-201752. Accessed 6 Dec. 2023.

Shannonhouse, Rebecca. “Substance Use Disorder in Transgender and Nonbinary People.” WebMD, 21 Apr. 2022, www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/substance-use-disorder-transgender-nonbinary. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

Surgeons, Association of American Physicians &. “Transgenderism: The New Medical Standard?” AAPS | Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, 25 Feb. 2023, aapsonline.org/transgenderism-the-new-medical-standard/. Accessed 6 Dec. 2023.

“The Trevor Project National Survey 2020.” Www.thetrevorproject.org, 2020, www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2020/?section=Suicide-Mental-Health. Accessed 27 Nov. 2023.

“This Transgender Man Documented His Amazing Journey on YouTube for over Five Years.” The Irish News, 8 July 2017, www.irishnews.com/magazine/daily/2017/07/08/news/this-transgender-man-documented-his-amazing-journey-on-youtube-for-over-five-years-1079578/. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

“Youth Assigned Female at Birth Are No More Likely to Identify as Transgender or Gender Diverse than Those Assigned Male at Birth: Study.” Www.aap.org, 3 Aug. 2022, www.aap.org/en/news-room/news-releases/pediatrics2/2022/youth-assigned-female-at-birth-are-no-more-likely-to-identify-as-transgender-or-gender-diverse-than-those-assigned-male-at-birth-study/. Accessed 9 Dec. 2023.

[headgehug]

sunny s16 speculation post: casually bi dennis theory

1. dennis "of course I've had gay sex I'm a bartender" reynolds pulling out the MENNIS system

2. he's never mentioned it before because men are so easy it's not even a challenge

3. mac and dee just suck SO BAD they need a lesson

4. what if the thing people have asked about from early seasons, rcg remembered upon rewatching, is dennis's little post-tequila romp

4 a. what if that's what he's going to therapy for

5. mac "you've had gay sex? but not with me? 🥺" macdonald freaking out and getting his ear pierced ""BUT NOT THE GAY EAR. IM NOT THAT SORT OF GAY""

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

"Trans away the gay": "Being gay should NOT be a medical problem in 2023

Andrew Doyle: Speaking in the House of Commons this week, the UK Secretary of State for Women and Equalities, Kemi Badenoch said the following:

Kemi Badenoch: "We are seeing, I would say, almost an epidemic of young gay children, young gay children, being told that they are trans, and being put on a medical pathway for irreversible decisions and they are regretting it. That is what I'm doing for young LGBT children. I am making sure, I am making sure that young people do not find themselves sterilized because they are being exploited by people who do not understand what these issues are."

Strong words from Kemi Badenoch, but joining me now to discuss it is Dennis Kavanagh, director of the Gay Men's Network.

It is very refreshing to hear a member of parliament stand up in the House of Commons and say this, because this, the debate has been silenced on this for so long, hasn't it?

Dennis Kavanagh: Well, that's right, as you probably know Andrew, in 2015 when Stonewall adopted extreme gender identity ideology, they also adopted a tactic which they called "No Debate," and it's as simple as it sounds. It meant that they would present a series of extremist demands, and absolutely not debate any policy, any proposition, and woe betide anyone who challenged them. They would be canceled, they'd be called transphobic, they'd be called bigots.

"No Debate" died in the House of Commons on Wednesday of this week, and as I wrote this week, the last rites were administered by Kemi Badenoch. And thank goodness that it is gone, because behind "No Debate," the very constituency Stonewall was set up to serve and represent, gay people, were being hurt by this. You and I have spoken before. We know that 80 to 90% of children, and I remind people this is children we're talking about, at the Tavistock were same-sex attracted, 35% autistic, 70% presenting with five or so comorbidities. Deeply, deeply, deeply vulnerable people. The sort of people who were facing irreversible medical changes, and what are the gay rights charities doing? They're saying there should be no discussion about this.

Doyle: So, that's really interesting, because you know, you saw in that clip the MP Chris Bryant on the other side of the house, effectively sneering at what she's -- now he's a gay man and he's sort of saying that he believes that he's standing up for gay people. Stonewall would say that they are standing up for gay people. So what would you say to that? How is it that they are in fact damaging gay people?

Kavanagh: It's just ludicrous because if you look at that exchange in Parliament, what happened was the Secretary of State for Women and Equalities, Kemi Badenoch, made a series of very sensible points about what's going on in gender medicine. I want to emphasize this isn't party political. She herself said this isn't a left-right issue. She had exchanges with the heroic Neil Hanvey MP from the Alba party and the brilliant Joanna Cherry KC MP from the Scottish National Party, I'm sure I've seen her have similar exchanges with Rosie Duffield from the Labor Party and these are adult exchanges about pediatric medicine.

Now, Sir Chris Bryant sadly stood up in the chamber about this serious area and simply said, which I found rather odd, simply said, "well what the Secretary of State said has made me feel less safe." That's extraordinary for a grown man to be saying that across the floor of the chamber. It's embarrassing to me to hear a gay man say it.

Doyle: I mean, he might feel less safe, we can't talk about his emotions, I suppose, but what about the gay people, gay young children who are being fast-tracked onto medication because they're not the norm?

Kavanagh: Yeah, what a very good point. You want to talk about safety, Sir Chris Bryant, let's talk about the safety of Keira Bell. Now, the Secretary of State spoke to Keira Bell. Keira Bell is a lesbian, a detransitioner who was so badly hurt by gender medicine at the Tavistock, she mounted a remedy in judicial review in 2020. If we're going to talk about anyone's safety in this debate, let's talk about the safety of vulnerable young gay and lesbian children, vulnerable autistic children. Let's be honest what's going on here. This "I feel unsafe" is just a continuation of "no debate." It's just a different way of saying, "shut up you should feel bad because you've made me, a gay man, upset." That is not an adult way to have a debate. And it's particularly inappropriate when we're talking about pediatric medicine. We're talking about the health of young gay people, young lesbians, and young people on the autistic spectrum.

Doyle: Yes, but the problem is that a lot of gay people like Chris Bryant do seem to support these views, and do seem to think that anyone who is raising concerns such as yourself, is coming from a place of -- what is it, transphobia? Hatred? Bigotry? Whatever. Why is it the case that so many within -- well, shall I say, our community seem to support incredibly anti-gay movements? What's going on there?

Kavanagh: I ask myself this every day, cause we're all looking at the same evidence, right? I've read the Interim Cass Review where Hillary Cass, quote, "spoke to lesbians who reported pressure to trans identify because they felt they were at the bottom of the heap." We've read the Times article. You know, there was a dark joke amongst Tavistock staff, "soon there will be no gay people left." We've read the case of Sonia Appleby, the safeguarding lead who said the malign influence of Mermaids was leading to children being fast-tracked to making irreversible medical decisions. So I don't think I really know the answer to your question, Andrew, because we're all looking at the same thing. It's almost like they're blinded by Stonewall briefing sheets, because I hear a continuation of "no debate" tactics. They won't brook any criticism of what is increasingly being shown to be a global medical scandal.

Doyle: But this this part of a broader problem in our culture, which is now all sorts of political differences and ideological differences seem to be interpreted as a matter of good versus evil. Stonewall has come down and has been, for whatever reason, perceived as being the goodies, and so everyone who opposes them is perceived as being the baddies. It's very simplistic, like a Disney view of the world where there are heroes and villains. But actually, of course, if you're going to talk about goodies and baddies, I would say the people who don't want to medicalize gay kids are probably on the good side.

Kavanagh: Well, I would be with you on that. I think that's probably the right approach.

Doyle: Are Stonewall dining out on their old reputation? Because they did do a lot of good for gay rights.

Kavanagh: Yeah, absolutely, but I mean, they're in freefall in terms of being taken seriously. The reality is that Stonewall achieved gay marriage primarily through discussion, primarily through having a debate. That all changed in 2015 with the adoption of extreme gender ideology and "no debate." This is a different beast to what it was.

Doyle: Yes, so what can we do about this? How can we raise awareness of it, because a lot of people just don't believe it's happening, a lot of people haven't read the Cass Review, a lot of people don't understand the implications on gay people, and they don't understand that when you promote gender identity ideology in this way that we are actually taking gay rights backwards. They think it's a nonsense, because they are so used to hearing about LGBT, that this is one whole thing, one happy family. So how do we change that narrative?

Kavanagh: What we've got to do is change the discourse and this week has been a powerful step forward in doing that. Kemi Badenoch said the sorts of things -- and so did Neil Hanvey and Jo Cherry in the chamber of the commons that would have got them banned from social media three years ago. That came off the back of Neil Hanvey MP saying in Westminster Hall, there are fears about transing the gay away. The next day there was a constructive and brilliant debate in the House of Lords led by Baroness Jenkin, in which I particularly noted one peer very movingly speaking about the plight of autistic children who, obviously I'm here for gay rights, autistic children are often forgotten in this as well.

Doyle: Because they are disproportionately represented in those who go to the Tavistock, who have symptoms of gender dysphoria.

Kavanagh: 35%, Andrew, 35% of the patient cohort compared to 2% in the general population. So, I think the answer to your question is, we've got to keep spreading the word, we've got to keep changing the discourse, and what happened in the commons, Kemi Badenoch in particular saying the unsayable, but people across the House doing that. That changes the discourse. That gives people the power to speak about this and the strength to speak about it. And we should speak about this. These are deeply, deeply, deeply vulnerable children.

2018, Dr David Bell reported instances of homophobic parents bringing children to the Tavistock to put them on puberty blockers to effectively trans away the gay. We have to have this conversation. Puberty is a human right, and it is a gay right to grow up free from surgery. And in 2023, being gay shouldn't be a medical problem.

Doyle: Excellent, thank you so much for joining me, Dennis Kavanagh.

==

"No debate" and "I feel unsafe" are charges of blasphemy. We don't entertain accusations of blasphemy. We laugh at those who mount such claims, and notice that they only do so because their ideas don't stand up to scrutiny; if they did, they wouldn't have to resort to defending them with feelings.

[figural]

First, my students read Freud’s “Mourning and Melancholia.” The father of psychoanalysis creates a binary of healthy and pathological grieving. If the bereaved is not wholly aware of their loss, and therefore cannot directly process it, this leads to a state Freud calls melancholia, resulting in “profoundly painful dejection, loss of the ability to love,” and other miserable and enduring consequences. In contrast, there is healthy mourning: the bereaved consciously knows their loss, and shuts out the world to grieve it, eventually returning to a state of normalcy, which Freud describes as a kind of equilibrium.

This conscious mourning can take the form of ritual. After Ed’s death, Bob and Ed’s partner Daniel disrobe and wash his body before it is taken away to be cremated. Glück writes, “Daniel and I unfold him and try to lift out one arm but it won’t be guided. It’s so like Ed, I have to laugh. Trying to steer him was always a challenge, like pushing a shopping cart with one bad wheel.” After the two have successfully removed Ed’s blue and white kimono, Bob focuses on a single leg, which “splays outward, then his knee falls inward, loose-jointed as a broken umbrella.” It’s an incredibly tender scene—more intimate than the sex scenes that populate the book with piss, come, an asshole “bubblegum pink, so clean it twinkled.” The scene of the washing is a kind of inventory, and the final body part recorded is Ed’s cock, from the tip of which a single drop of blood emerges. “The drop of blood is the only indication of the pandemonium that occurred within this body,” Glück writes, “Here to present itself for a bow, Ed’s murderous blood.”

The uncanniness of Ed’s being dead, even if it’s long expected, repeatedly has an air of the theatrical to Bob: “It’s a weird kind of play, someone’s death, that pressures the actors.” Everyone has their part. Still, these stilted roles, these practices, are meant to help the bereaved, to give shape to their mourning.

After Ed’s death, Bob thinks through mourning again and again. “Mourning is the fear of losing Ed combined with the fact of losing Ed,” he offers in one of several definitions. He even names Freud explicitly, and “Mourning and Melancholia” more referentially, using the words in close proximity. In a passage about the grief of time carrying us onward, he asks: “What is mourning? The will bends back, nailing me to the awareness of time. I spend days staring at a bright spot on the wall that moves with the sun, so I become a sundial, the melancholy motto is the self.”

. . .

Glück honors Ed’s life without insisting on the context, or perhaps retrieves Ed’s memory from its context, asking, in one of the few moments he names Ed’s death as one among many: “Was Ed’s death a trauma that replaced his life? Was he thrown into the mass grave of HIV? In mass death, recovery occurs in the collective mind over time. It may take a generation to reacquaint ourselves with the dead, for their rich complexity to be apparent once more.”

Robert Glück cofounded the New Narrative school in the Small Press Traffic Bookstore in San Francisco, through writing classes open to the public. The school of writers included transgressive icons like Dennis Cooper and Kathy Acker. New Narrative writing is identifiable by its careful observance of dailiness, including chat, sex, and sensory descriptions—rich complexity. One motivation, Glück writes in his essay “Long Note on New Narrative,” was to see if the writers “could come up with a better representation—not in order to satisfy movement pieties or to be political, but in order to be.” Queer people were among those not afforded unpolitical lives. Crimp paraphrases Michael Moon in arguing that the “normalcy” Freud expects a healthy griever to return to does not exist for gay men in a homophobic culture. Cultural production reflected this; the daily lives of queer people were hugely underrepresented in mainstream art in the 1970s. Yes, the personal is political, but perhaps there could be personal lives captured without the burden of political messaging. Glück asks, in his same essay on New Narrative, “What kind of representation least deforms its subject?” Perhaps one that refuses to instruct.

New Narrative began in the 1970s, predating the AIDS crisis, predating Ed’s death. I have spent years studying ACT UP, which began in New York in 1987 and was active in San Francisco in the final years of Ed’s life. I know well the context in which Ed is dying, at least as well as someone of my generation can. Ed died in 1994, near the end of the worst of the crisis: in 1995 the FDA approved the first protease inhibitors, and the following year saw effective combination therapy become the standard of care. Had Ed gotten sick just a bit later, maybe he’d still be alive today. Perhaps I am ruining Glück’s project, in a way, by stitching the story back into the political context. Near the end of his essay [“Mourning and Militancy”], Crimp suggests that militancy busies the hands of the bereaved, and this work, while vital, distracts from adequate mourning. “Militancy, of course, then, but mourning too: mourning and militancy.” I should let Ed rest, I think, and allow Glück to mourn.

Who is afforded a non-politicized death? Who is afforded a non-politicized life?

The murder of my acquaintance is nearly immediately instrumentalized by the right wing. He’d been a dedicated harm reduction activist—we’d helped to lead a Narcan training two weeks before his death—and the worst of the internet emerges to callously pronounce that the leftist got what was coming, given what he’d advocated for: dangerous streets. (He was killed by a stranger at a bus stop.) I find myself, perhaps naively, astounded by the cruelty—the online posts have the gleeful tone of cartoon villains, when the loss is unspeakable, impossible, devastating. Those who loved the man interrupt their mourning to insist publicly that the circumstances of his death would not have changed his political and moral convictions.

As sick as this makes me, I find myself strategizing elsewhere, sourcing material in the stories of others: a friend and I exchange articles, asking which newly published think piece or war diary will be the most likely to politically move people in our lives. The relatable Jewish Brooklynite, reflecting on their morphing relationship to the Jewish State, through statistic- and history-heavy analysis? Or will the first person account from Gaza, tragedy stylized in prose, persuade a reader that Palestinians deserve to live in safety and dignity? It feels dirty to plot like this, to utilize the real and present grief of others. But in this moment of urgency, it seems we are not above it. Maybe in a generation, I think, these dead will be able to rest.

– hannah gold, "voices of mourning"

According to Klein [in “Mourning and its Relation to Manic Depressive States”], when a later grief is experienced it is not only a fresh loss in the external world that must be contended with, but a disturbance in the subject’s internal world that was originally constructed in response to the grief associated with their early loss:

The pain experienced in the slow process of testing reality in the work of mourning thus seems partly due to the necessity, not only to renew the links to the external world and thus continuously to re-experience the loss, but at the same time and by means of this to rebuild with anguish the inner world, which is felt to be in danger of deteriorating and collapsing.

Klein declines to dispense with Freud’s term “normal mourning,” but she nonetheless modifies and stretches his definition: she identifies more intermediary stages in the process and claims that it involves reckoning not only with immediate grief but with more distant past experiences. She therefore seems to imply that mourning has both a tenacity and a longevity that Freud refuses to grant it.

Yet despite supplementing and revising Freud’s definition of mourning, the strangeness Rose observes in “Mourning and Melancholia” is not completely absent from Klein’s paper. Although her main focus is on manic depressive states and thus on obstructed mourning processes, ultimately, like Freud, Klein insists that “normal mourning” is a process with an end, even if she locates its beginnings in infancy and hence argues that its middle is longer and more fraught than in Freud’s definition. Only people who did not successfully overcome the “infantile depressive position” will fail to overcome a loss experienced later in life, whereas others will eventually reinstate their internal “good” objects.

Her essay ends by describing this end point. She declares that the mourner “overcomes his grief, regains security, and achieves true harmony and peace.”

. . .

[T]he weird abbreviated ending of Phenomenology of Spirit and “the extreme narrative compression of [Hegel’s] account of absolute knowing” seemed helpful for thinking through Klein’s similarly abrupt and surprisingly resolved conclusion to “Mourning and its Relation to Manic Depressive States.”

In an essay in The Dash, Comay analyses the ending of the Phenomenology in more detail. Although she observes that the book “suddenly sprints forward to the finish line,” she continues that, “it’s not just the traumatic abruptness of the last dash [by which she means both rush and the punctuation mark with which the book ends] but also a curious indeterminacy of the endpoint that intrigues me.” Everything that had been dilated over the course of many chapters is suddenly compressed, regurgitated so abruptly as to become almost illegible. Comay asks whether Hegel is a mourner or a melancholic, does he relinquish the lost object (mourner) or maintain it in “hallucinatory persistence” (melancholic)? The unanswerable answer seems to be that he is both: the dialectic continues even at the moment of its supposed cessation. Or perhaps mourning always retains a melancholic aspect; the terminable and interminable cannot be separated.

Comay argues that despite the appearance of closure and finality the Phenomenology “engages the repetitive, restless energy of the dialectic, its obsessive, circular doing and undoing: every inscription supplies its own erasure, every erasure its own reinscription, and this intransitive, tautological transition from negation to negation is relentless.” Proclaiming all scars healed enacts a violent erasure of its own. The form of the text remains scarred even if Hegel declares it conceptually healed. Comay claims that “the Phenomenology is the perfect case study of interminable analysis”; “antidote is… indistinguishable from injury, health from illness, and poison from cure.” It is this repressed or unresolved tension that Rose sees in Freud’s definition of mourning and that I want to argue can also be discerned in Klein’s essay. The wound remains hidden beneath a rhetorical sticking plaster that masquerades as healed flesh, but which threatens to fall off at any moment. Scars remain; wounds are not left behind. Maybe mourning never really ends, but that’s not the same as saying that nothing changes.

– hannah proctor, "mourning interminable"

[drdemonprince]

History anon here with appreciation and a couple clarifications:

The worst thing *I* could be was a trans man, not the worst thing *anyone in the world* could be. I realize I didn't write this super clearly, so that's on me, but I was talking about the worst felt sense of identity I specifically could have. Like, being a murderer would be worse, but you don't come to be a murderer by keeping yourself up at night, wondering whether it best describes who you are. I thought I could force myself to hold a different identity, one that wouldn't be betraying the feminist values I was surrounded by and looked up to.

I didn't say anything about how my experience compares to trans women, though for the record, they were also treated terribly in the spaces that hated me, and I also stood up for and worked with them. Most of my academic scholarship has been focused on trans men because that's the area where I'm most passionate and qualified, but that's my personal work right now, not some sideways way of putting others down.

I didn't know you'd been hanging out in trans masc spaces in the early 2000s. High five for guys who survived those days.

I don't use Tumblr, so I don't have an @ to give you. This account I'm posting from? It's technically a work account I set up for a job almost a decade ago that decided it didn't want the page after all, so it's still linked to my email. There's no other way for me to reliably contact you that I know of, but if you think of something, I'm totally open.

Hey there, thanks for the clarifications, and sorry to have mischaracterized what you were aiming to convey in your first message. You have a lot of experiences and knowledge that I'd love to learn from more to the extent you are fine with sharing.

I have a friend who grew up in the SF Bay area in the early 2000s and was a trans guy then, and from them I've gathered little threads here and there regarding how trans men were seen and treated at the time (all the trans guys were expected to be bottoms, not just for the reasons that's such a Thing today, but also because in feminist spaces it was seen as the appropriate position for a trans guy to be relative to a cis woman, within the community hierarchy)... there are certainly big elements of the scene and regional differences that I know next to nothing about, when it comes to trans guys experiences at the time. I think the Midwest queer/feminist scene was probably very different in a lot of ways. It certainly was very sex negative. I'd be curious to hear a lot more about the ambassador program pushing for trans male inclusion at the bathhouses that you mentioned, and more about where you're from in general.

For all that I challenge contemporary complaining about "trans male invisibility," it really is true that gay trans men were completely excluded from the communities I was around back then, and I didn't really feel that we could exist (though I had known some bi trans guys at that time). That certainly kept me from transitioning for far longer than I otherwise would have. And I feel like I have witnessed the canonization of Lou Sullivan happening in real time here on Tumblr... even more recently than much of the advocacy that you shared about. He just was not on my radar or someone that anyone in my circles was talking about until a few years ago. But I guess it's not surprising that radfems who considered gay men to be privileged perverts weren't speaking about him. Man Columbus Ohio sucked dick

I'm not sure how best for us to get in touch, then. My twitter DMs are open too. I keep most of the rest of mine shut for lots of reasons. Funny that your account is a brand account on here...are you the Dennys tumblr account

[biblepercent]

Dear, Adonis

I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest

It takes a man to be a man, your dad is not responsive

I look at him and wish your grandpa would've wore a condom

I'm sorry that you gotta grow up and then stand behind him

Life is hard, I know, the challenge is always gon' beat us home

Sometimes our parents make mistakes that affect us until we grown

And you're a good kid that need good leadership

Let me be your mentor since your daddy don't teach you shit

Never let a man piss on your leg, son

Either you die right there or pop that man in the head, son

Never fall in the escort business, that's bad religion

Please remember, you could be a bitch even if you got bitches

Never code-switch, whether right or wrong, you a black man

Even if it don't benefit your goals, do some push-ups, get some discipline

Don't cut them corners like your daddy did, fuck what Ozempic did

Don't pay to play with them Brazilians, get a gym membership

Understand, no throwin' rocks and hidin' hands, that's law

Don't be ashamed 'bout who you with, that's how he treat your moms

Don't have a kid to hide a kid to hide again, be sure

Five percent will comprehend, but 95 is lost

Be proud of who you are, your strength come from within

Lotta superstars that's real, but your daddy ain't one of them

And you nothing like him, you'll carry yourself as king

Can't understand me right now? Just play this when you 18

Dear, Sandra

Your son got some habits, I hope you don't undermine them

Especially with all the girls that's hurt inside this climate

You a woman, so you know how it feels to be in alignment

With emotion, hopin' a man can see you and not be blinded

Dear Dennis, you gave birth to a master manipulator

Even using you to prove who he is, is a huge favor

I think you should ask for more paper, and more paper

And more, uh, more paper

I'm blaming you for all his gambling addictions

Psychopath intuition, the man that like to play victim

You raised a horrible fucking person, the nerve of you, Dennis

Sandra, sit down, what I'm about to say is heavy, now listen

Mm-mm, your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think niggas like him should die

Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest they life

He hates Black women, hypersexualizes 'em with kinks of a nympho fetish

Grew facial hair because he understood bein' a beard just fit him better

He got sex offenders on hoe-VO that he keep on a monthly allowance

A child should never be compromised and he keepin' his child around them

And we gotta raise our daughters knowin' there's predators like him lurkin'

Fuck a rap battle, he should die so all of these women can live with a purpose

I been in this industry 12 years, I'ma tell y'all one lil' secret

It's some weird shit goin' on and some of these artists be here to police it

They be streamlinin' victims all inside of they home and callin' 'em tender

Then leak videos of themselves to further push their agendas

To any woman that be playin' his music, know that you're playin' your sister

Or better, you're sellin' your niece to the weirdos, not the good ones

Katt Williams said, "Get you the truth, " so I'ma get mines

The Embassy 'bout to get raided, too, it's only a matter of time

Ayy, LeBron, keep the family away, hey, Curry, keep the family away

To anybody that embody the love for they kids, keep the family away

They lookin' at you too if you standin' by him, keep the family away

I'm lookin' to shoot through any pervert that lives, keep the family safe

Dear, baby girl

I'm sorry that your father not active inside your world

He don't commit to much but his music, yeah, that's for sure

He a narcissist, misogynist, livin' inside his songs

Try destroy families rather than takin' care of his own

Should be teachin' you timetables or watchin' Frozen with you

Or at your eleventh birthday singin' poems with you

Instead, he be in Turks payin' for sex and poppin' Percs, examples that you don't deserve

I wanna tell you that you're loved, you're brave, you're kind

You got a gift to change the world, and could change your father's mind

'Cause our children is the future, but he lives inside confusion

Money's always been illusion, but that's the life he's used to

His father prolly didn't claim him neither

History do repeats itself, sometimes it don't need a reason

But I would like to say it's not your fault that he's hidin' another child

Give him grace, this the reason I made Mr. Morale

So our babies like you can cope later

Give you some confidence to go through somethin', it's hope later

I never wanna hear you chase a man 'cause his failed behavior

Sittin' in the club with sugar daddies for validation

You need to know that love is eternity and trumps all pain

I'll tell you who your father is, just play this song when it rains

Yes, he's a hitmaker, songwriter, superstar, right

And a fuckin' deadbeat that should never say "more life"

Meet the Grahams

Dear, Aubrey

I know you probably thinkin' I wanted to crash your party

But truthfully, I don't have a hatin' bone in my body

This supposed to be a good exhibition within the game

But you fucked up the moment you called out my family's name

Why you had to stoop so low to discredit some decent people?

Guess integrity is lost when the metaphors doesn't reach you

And I like to understand 'cause your house was never a home

37, but you showin' up as a seven-year-old

You got gamblin' problems, drinkin' problems, pill-poppin' and spendin' problems

Bad with money, whorehouse

Solicitin' women problems, therapy's a lovely start

But I suggest some ayahuasca, strip the ego from the bottom

I try to empathize with you 'cause I know that you ain't been through nothin'

Crave entitlement, but wanna be liked so bad that it's puzzlin'

No dominance, let's recap moments when you didn't fit in

No secret handshakes with your friend

No cultural cachet to binge, just disrespectin' your mother

Identity's on the fence, don't know which family will love ya

The skin that you livin' in is compromised in personas

Can't channel your masculine even when standin' next to a woman

You a body shamer, you gon' hide them baby mamas, ain't ya?

You embarrassed of 'em, that's not right, that ain't how mama raised us

Take that mask off, I wanna see what's under them achievements

Why believe you? You never gave us nothin' to believe in

'Cause you lied about religious views, you lied about your surgery

You lied about your accent and your past tense, all is perjury

You lied about your ghostwriters, you lied about your crew members

They all pussy, you lied on 'em, I know they all got you in 'em

You lied about your son, you lied about your daughter, huh

You lied about them other kids that's out there hopin' that you come

You lied about the only artist that can offer you some help

Fuck a rap battle, this a long life battle with yourself

75% of these words are in the bible, and I do not hate myself enough to mark which.

[spritehouse]

ShortMC's Tumblr Writing Masterlist

This list is for my Criminal Minds Writing on Tumblr

—Challenges:

–Criminal Minds Greif Fic Challenge Open

—Drabbles/WIPs:

-Rain Drabble: Spencer x Open/Unspecified | Seeing an ex in the rain after their relationship falls apart

-A Heavy Dose of Atmosphere: Moreid | Derek & Spencer breakup

-Midnight: Emily & Spencer (platonic) | Emily takes Spencer to Denny's for waffles and milkshakes before helping him get sober

-No Big Deal (I love you): Moreid | From this concept | Hanahaki AU

-I Know Those Eyes (who are you to me?): Ralvez | Luke & Spencer meet during s2 while they're both struggling. In s13, Spencer doesn't remember it, but Luke does

-Doors a Kid Shouldn't Walk Through: Moreid/Ralvez | The BAU gets a case that digs up Spencer, Derek, and Luke's pasts, forcing them to reveal some guarded secrets & make some difficult decisions

-Doors a Kid Shouldn't Walk Through Derek/Spencer/Luke | Unfinished fill from Whumptober 2023

-Give it up to You (I surrender) Moreid | Unfinished fill from Whumptober 2023

-Dads!Ralvez Ralvez | From these headcanons | Luke and Spencer as fathers

-Luke & The 187 System Ralvez/Gen | 187 System from the I've Been Having Revelations Verse

-Hum of Contact, Sound of Collisions Ralvez | Part 3 of the Black Hole Series

-Ashes, Ashes, In My Arms: Derek/Spencer/Luke | From this concept | Ghost!Spencer x Teenage!Derek & Luke

-Post-Prison Relapse: Ralvez | From this concept | Spencer relapses after prison. Unlike last time, Luke does everything in his power to help him.

-Post-5x01 (Nameless, Faceless): Ralvez | Luke finds Spencer after struggling to take care of himself following his knee injury

-Slow Down: Moralvez (Derek/Luke emphasis) | Derek takes care of Luke during a depressive episode while Spencer is away

—Concepts & Prompts: tagged with #lex prompts

–AU Concepts: -Emily & Spencer x Natasha & Clint (Avengers) -Mafia!AU + Elaboration -Unsub!Ralvez -Non-Verbal!Spencer x HoH!Luke + Derek + Part 3 + Their Cat + Roxy -Dads!Ralvez -Psychic!Ralvez -Teenage!Ralvez -Soul Bound!Ralvez -Bond Break Ralvez AU -Ghost!Spencer AU -Poly Derek/Spencer/Luke + NSFW -Married Moreid -Post-Prison Spencer Relapses -Catholic Luke -Survivor Solidarity Derek/Spencer/Luke -Kidnapped a/b/o Ralvez -Early Seasons Ralvez -Childhood Friends to Lovers Derek/Spencer/Luke -Foster Kids Derek/Spencer/Luke -Regency Derek/Spencer/Luke -Unhealthy, Early Seasons Ralvez -Non-BAU Spencer + Caretaker Luke -Prison Era Derek/Spencer/Luke -Fighting Ring a/b/o Ralvez -College Derek/Luke

–Gender-Related Concepts: -Chemtrails Over The Country Club T4T Ralvez -Trans JJ -Transfem T4T Ralvez

–Misc Concepts: -Post-Lauren Ralvez -Spencer x Two Birds (song) -Screaming in the rain -"It's getting bad again" -Getting Old Together -Luke Experiencing Dom Drop -Werewolf!Spencer x Human!Luke -Derek & Luke Speaking Spanish -Luke's Ranger Past

–Prompts: -"On Repeat" Prompts

—Headcanons: tagged with #lex hcs

–Emily: -Teenage/Young Emily

–Hotch: -Teenage/Young Hotch -Arospec Hotch

–Luke: -Queer + Neurodivergent Headcanon -Autistic!Luke + Part 2 -Separation Anxiety Headcanon -Catholic!Luke

–Spencer: -Genderfluid Spencer -Spencer's Tattoos -Stutter/Speech Impediment Headcanon

–Ravlez: -OCD/Echolalia Headcanon -Headaches Headcanon -Headcanon Dump 1 -Parenting Headcanonss -Argument Roles -T4T Dynamics -Sign Language Headcanon -Indecisive Cuddlers Headcanon -Cat/Dog Duo

–Derek/Spencer/Luke -Headcanon Dump -Sex Dynamics -Whistle Stim/Tic Headcanon -Cat Shape Shifting Headcanons

–Other: -Stims/Tics Headcanons -Dæmon Forms

My Ao3 Masterlist My (old) Editing Masterlist

Happy Reading!

[mommy-mortis]

grahams Lyrics

[Verse 1]

Dear Adonis

I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest

It takes a man to be a man, your dad is not responsive

I look at him and wish your grandpa woulda wore a condom

I'm sorry that you gotta grow up and then stand behind him

Life is hard, I know, the challenge is always gon' beat us home

Sometimes our parents make mistakes that affect us until we grown

And you're a good kid that need good leadership

Let me be your mentor since your daddy don't teach you shit

Never let a man piss on your leg, son

Either you die right there or pop that man in the head, son

Never fall in the escort business, that's bad religion

Please remember, you could be a bitch even if you got bitches

Never code-switch, whether right or wrong, you a Black man

Even if it don't benefit your goals, do some push-ups, get some discipline

Don't cut them corners like your daddy did, fuck what Ozempic did

Don't pay to play with them Brazilians, get a gym membership

Understand, no throwin' rocks and hidin' hands, that's law

Don't be ashamed 'bout who you wit', that's how he treat your moms

Don't have a kid to hide a kid to hide again, be sure

Five percent will comprehend, but ninety-five is lost

Be proud of who you are, your strength come from within

Lotta superstars that's real, but your daddy ain't one of them

And you nothing like him, you'll carry yourself as king

Can't understand me right now? Just play this when you eighteen

[Verse 2]

Dear Sandra

Your son got some habits, I hope you don't undermine them

Especially with all the girls that's hurt inside this climate

You a woman, so you know how it feels to be in alignment

With emotion, hopin' a man can see you and not be blinded

Dear Dennis, you gave birth to a master manipulator

Even usin' you to prove who he is is a huge favor

I think you should ask for more paper, and more paper

And more, uh, more paper

I'm blamin' you for all his gamblin' addictions

Psychopath intuition, the man that like to play victim

You raised a horrible fuckin' person, the nerve of you, Dennis

Sandra, sit down, what I'm about to say is heavy, now listen

Mm-mm, your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think niggas like him should die

Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest they life

He hates Black women, hypersexualizes 'em with kinks of a nympho fetish

Grew facial hair because he understood bein' a beard just fit him better

He got sex offenders on ho-VO that he keep on a monthly allowance

A child should never be compromised and he keepin' his child around them

And we gotta raise our daughters knowin' there's predators like him lurkin'

Fuck a rap battle, he should die so all of these women can live with a purpose

I been in this industry twelve years, I'ma tell y'all one lil' secret

It's some weird shit goin' on and some of these artists be here to police it

They be streamlinin' victims all inside of they home and callin' 'em tender

Then leak videos of themselves to further push their agendas

To any woman that be playin' his music, know that you're playin' your sister

Or better, you're sellin' your niece, to the weirdos, not the good ones

Katt Williams said, "Get you the truth," so I'ma get mines

The Embassy 'bout to get raided, too, it's only a matter of time

Ayy, LeBron, keep the family away, hey, Curry, keep the family away

To anybody that embody the love for they kids, keep the family away

They lookin' at you too if you standin' by him, keep the family away

I'm lookin' to shoot through any pervert that lives, keep the family safe

[Verse 3]

Dear baby girl

I'm sorry that your father not active inside your world

He don't commit to much but his music, yeah, that's for sure

He a narcissist, misogynist, livin' inside his songs

Try destroy families rather than takin' care of his own

Should be teachin' you time tables or watchin' Frozen with you

Or at your eleventh birthday, singin' poems with you

Instead, he be in Turks payin' for sex and poppin' Percs, examples that you don't deserve

I wanna tell you that you're loved, you're brave, you're kind

You got a gift to change the world, and could change your father's mind

'Cause our children is the future, but he lives inside confusion

Money's always been illusion, but that's the life he's used to

His father prolly didn't claim him neither

History do repeats itself, sometimes it don't need a reason

But I would like to say it's not your fault that he's hidin' another child

Give him grace, this the reason I made Mr. Morale

So our babies like you can cope later

Give you some confidence to go through somethin', it's hope later

I never wanna hear you chase a man 'cause his failed behavior

Sittin' in the club with sugar daddies for validation

You need to know that love is eternity and trumps all pain

I'll tell you who your father is, just play this song when it rains

Yes, he's a hitmaker, songwriter, superstar, right

And a fuckin' deadbeat that should never say "more life"

Meet the Grahams

[Verse 4]

Dear Aubrey

I know you probably thinkin' I wanted to crash your party

But truthfully, I don't have a hatin' bone in my body

This supposed to be a good exhibition within the game

But you fucked up the moment you called out my family's name

Why you had to stoop so low to discredit some decent people?

Guess integrity is lost when the metaphors doesn't reach you

And I like to understand 'cause your house was never a home

Thirty-seven, but you showin' up as a seven-year-old

You got gamblin' problems, drinkin' problems, pill-poppin' and spendin' problems

Bad with money, whorehouse

Solicitin' women problems, therapy's a lovely start

But I suggest some ayahuasca, strip the ego from the bottom

I try to empathize with you 'cause I know that you ain't been through nothin'

Crave entitlement, but wanna be liked so bad that it's puzzlin'

No dominance, let's recap moments when you didn't fit in

No secret handshakes with your friend

No cultural cachet to binge, just disrespectin' your mother

Identity's on the fence, don't know which family will love ya

The skin that you livin' in is compromised in personas

Can't channel your masculine even when standin' next to a woman

You a body shamer, you gon' hide them baby mamas, ain't ya?

You embarrassed of 'em, that's not right, that ain't how mama raised us

Take that mask off, I wanna see what's under them achievements

Why believe you? You never gave us nothin' to believe in

'Cause you lied about religious views, you lied about your surgery

You lied about your accent and your past tense, all is perjury

You lied about your ghostwriters, you lied about your crew members

They all pussy, you lied on 'em, I know they all got you in 'em

You lied about your son, you lied about your daughter, huh

You lied about them other kids that's out there hopin' that you come

You lied about the only artist that can offer you some help

Fuck a rap battle, this a long life battle with yourself

meet the grahams - Kendrick Lamar (Drake Diss)

[golden--goofball]

Dear, Adonis I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest It takes a man to be a man, your dad is not responsive I look at him and wish your grandpa would've wore a condom I'm sorry that you gotta grow up and then stand behind him Life is hard, I know, the challenge is always gon' beat us home Sometimes our parents make mistakes that affect us until we grown And you're a good kid that need good leadership Let me be your mentor since your daddy don't teach you shit

Never let a man piss on your leg, son Either you die right there or pop that man in the head, son Never fall in the escort business, that's bad religion Please remember, you could be a bitch even if you got bitches Never code-switch, whether right or wrong, you a black man Even if it don't benefit your goals, do some push-ups, get some discipline Don't cut them corners like your daddy did, fuck what Ozempic did Don't pay to play with them Brazilians, get a gym membership

Understand, no throwin' rocks and hidin' hands, that's law Don't be ashamed 'bout who you with, that's how he treat your moms Don't have a kid to hide a kid to hide again, be sure Five percent will comprehend, but 95 is lost Be proud of who you are, your strength come from within Lotta superstars that's real, but your daddy ain't one of them And you nothing like him, you'll carry yourself as king Can't understand me right now? Just play this when you 18

Dear, Sandra Your son got some habits, I hope you don't undermine them Especially with all the girls that's hurt inside this climate You a woman, so you know how it feels to be in alignment With emotion, hopin' a man can see you and not be blinded Dear Dennis, you gave birth to a master manipulator Even using you to prove who he is, is a huge favor I think you should ask for more paper, and more paper And more, uh, more paper

I'm blaming you for all his gambling addictions Psychopath intuition, the man that like to play victim You raised a horrible fucking person, the nerve of you, Dennis Sandra, sit down, what I'm about to say is heavy, now listen

Mm-mm, your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think niggas like him should die Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest they life He hates Black women, hypersexualizes 'em with kinks of a nympho fetish Grew facial hair because he understood bein' a beard just fit him better

He got sex offenders on hoe-VO that he keep on a monthly allowance A child should never be compromised and he keepin' his child around them And we gotta raise our daughters knowin' there's predators like him lurkin' Fuck a rap battle, he should die so all of these women can live with a purpose

I been in this industry 12 years, I'ma tell y'all one lil' secret It's some weird shit goin' on and some of these artists be here to police it They be streamlinin' victims all inside of they home and callin' 'em tender Then leak videos of themselves to further push their agendas

To any woman that be playin' his music, know that you're playin' your sister Or better, you're sellin' your niece to the weirdos, not the good ones Katt Williams said, "Get you the truth, " so I'ma get mines The Embassy 'bout to get raided, too, it's only a matter of time Ayy, LeBron, keep the family away, hey, Curry, keep the family away To anybody that embody the love for they kids, keep the family away They lookin' at you too if you standin' by him, keep the family away I'm lookin' to shoot through any pervert that lives, keep the family safe

Dear, baby girl I'm sorry that your father not active inside your world He don't commit to much but his music, yeah, that's for sure He a narcissist, misogynist, livin' inside his songs Try destroy families rather than takin' care of his own Should be teachin' you timetables or watchin' Frozen with you Or at your eleventh birthday singin' poems with you Instead, he be in Turks payin' for sex and poppin' Percs, examples that you don't deserve

I wanna tell you that you're loved, you're brave, you're kind You got a gift to change the world, and could change your father's mind 'Cause our children is the future, but he lives inside confusion Money's always been illusion, but that's the life he's used to His father prolly didn't claim him neither History do repeats itself, sometimes it don't need a reason But I would like to say it's not your fault that he's hidin' another child Give him grace, this the reason I made Mr. Morale

So our babies like you can cope later Give you some confidence to go through somethin', it's hope later I never wanna hear you chase a man 'cause his failed behavior Sittin' in the club with sugar daddies for validation You need to know that love is eternity and trumps all pain I'll tell you who your father is, just play this song when it rains Yes, he's a hitmaker, songwriter, superstar, right And a fuckin' deadbeat that should never say "more life" Meet the Grahams

Dear, Aubrey I know you probably thinkin' I wanted to crash your party But truthfully, I don't have a hatin' bone in my body This supposed to be a good exhibition within the game But you fucked up the moment you called out my family's name Why you had to stoop so low to discredit some decent people? Guess integrity is lost when the metaphors doesn't reach you And I like to understand 'cause your house was never a home

37, but you showin' up as a seven-year-old You got gamblin' problems, drinkin' problems, pill-poppin' and spendin' problems Bad with money, whorehouse Solicitin' women problems, therapy's a lovely start But I suggest some ayahuasca, strip the ego from the bottom

I try to empathize with you 'cause I know that you ain't been through nothin' Crave entitlement, but wanna be liked so bad that it's puzzlin' No dominance, let's recap moments when you didn't fit in No secret handshakes with your friend No cultural cachet to binge, just disrespectin' your mother Identity's on the fence, don't know which family will love ya The skin that you livin' in is compromised in personas Can't channel your masculine even when standin' next to a woman

You a body shamer, you gon' hide them baby mamas, ain't ya? You embarrassed of 'em, that's not right, that ain't how mama raised us Take that mask off, I wanna see what's under them achievements Why believe you? You never gave us nothin' to believe in 'Cause you lied about religious views, you lied about your surgery You lied about your accent and your past tense, all is perjury

You lied about your ghostwriters, you lied about your crew members They all pussy, you lied on 'em, I know they all got you in 'em You lied about your son, you lied about your daughter, huh You lied about them other kids that's out there hopin' that you come You lied about the only artist that can offer you some help Fuck a rap battle, this a long life battle with yourself

uhhhh 25