#Deliver-E van

[ladysparrow01]

"Her spirits still continued very high, but there was a flutter in them which prevented their giving much pleasure to her sister, and this agitation increased as the evening drew on. She could scarcely eat any dinner, and when they afterwards returned to the drawing-room, seemed anxiously listening to the sound of every carriage."

Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility.

[smuthospital]

🎃⭐️Texas Chainsaw Massacre x reader⭐️🎃

Art by: Minilev

Premise: You go hiking with a friend and this bitch has the audacity to leave you alone. You end up hitchhiking with some hippies, but their van gets a flat! Oh no! Good thing there's a farmhouse nearby. Maybe they can help

Note: I had this in the drafts for awhile. I decided to whip it out for halloween. Enjoy. Say one thing bad thats not constructive criticism and its a block. Tired of these fucking kids smh. Also, imagine everyone with a soulthern accent

-Dr. Smut

Minors DNI

Warning: Non-Con, side charicter death, mentions of gore, kidnapping, fem reader

"So uh..thanks for picking me up." You say with a nervous smile. You refrain from coughing as the strong smell of marijuana floods your nose. Right now, you're in a classic 70s Volkswagen van, hitchhiking through Texas. Your friend convinced you to go backpacking with her, but a quarterway through, she ditched you to continue the trip with her new boyfriend. Some junky she met at a gas station. You can't exactly turn tail and go home because she took the car, and stranded you in the middle of nowhere so, you had no choice, but to catch a ride with some hippies.

"No prob, sweet cheeks. Anything for a pretty lil' lady like yourself." The driver looks back at you for a moment and winks. You think he may like you. You cringe slightly. "Eddy has a crush on you! Ain't that right, Ed?" A girl next to you wearing a tie-dye crop top pokes Edds back a couple of times. "Well, who wouldn't?" He chuckles. You play with your fingers nervously. You've been driving along a dusty, desolate path through some empty part of Texas for a while now. You've always been perturbed by the idea of Texas. Americans and with their guns and hot temper and all. It seems you may have watched too many scary movies. You haven't seen a soul for miles, let alone a house, just tall grass and more tall grass.

The car suddenly jolts and you're all jostled around. The girl sitting next to you clings to you as the driver slams the brakes. You gasp for air, your heart pounding a mile a minute. "Huh!? W-what the!?" Edd shouts before hopping out to investigate. You cautiously slip out the back and join him. Edd lifts a spiked wire. It's still stuck in the now flat tire. "Some asshole must'a dropped it here while delivering somethin'," he says as he drops it back on the ground. It popped the back tires. You pull out your phone. No service. Of course.

"Do you have any spares?" You ask, hoping to get out of this creepy place. "Unfortunately these are the spares, sweet cheeks." He sighs. "Weren't you supposed to buy more, Ed?" Ann shouts from the window. "This is no time to argue! We have to get help!… Look, There's a farmhouse right there. Let's hope someone's home." He says, walking towards it.

You hesitantly follow them to the creepy house. "I'm gonna check the farm, you two knock on the door." Edd doesn't give anyone time to respond before he walks off. You walk up to the front door and Ann knocks. You feel like you're being watched. You shift from foot to foot nervously. A few minutes pass and no word. Not even a sound. "What the? Where's Edd? If no one was home, he should be back by now!" Ann looks around. You begin feeling incredibly anxious. "Let's go find that idiot," she says and walks off quickly, you follow behind her. You can't leave her to do it by herself so you agree. You walk over to the farm and see…the gate open.

"H..hello?" You call. "E-Edd?"…No response. The two of you cautiously walk into the house. It smells like wood and iron. You see a red smudge on the wall…weird. This is getting scary. "Ann…I think we sh-" You're cut off by a blood-curdling scream from Ann. You quickly go over to the open doorway she's looking at to see a horrific sight. Edd has been cut to pieces. You hold back bile in your throat and grab Ann. "Let's go!" You shout. She snaps out of her trance and follows you to the entryway, only for the two of you to halt in your tracks.

Standing there is a giant, his hulking frame filling the doorway. He's the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life. A mask covers half his face, and in his arms is a chainsaw. You make eye contact with the beast and scream. Ann yanks you deeper into the house, hoping to find an exit. The man follows you, hot on your trail. You see a back door and try to open it, but it's locked. Cassie then barely avoids losing her arm as she dodges the giant.

He hasn't tried to attack you yet. You grab a chair and smash it through a window. You pick up a plant and throw it at the man, who cornered Ann. He's completely unphased, but pauses and looks at you as if to warn you. You toss his warning to the wind and jump on his back. "Ann, go!" You scream. Ann runs towards the window but stops when another man shorter than the man you're currently on top of, smashes a hammer onto her head.

You hear a crack and she falls to the floor, limp. "Ann!" You cry. Your body was then slammed to the floor by the hulking, chainsaw-wielding psychopath. You whimper and crawl backwards. You hit a wall and he lifts his chainsaw towards you. You're thankful It's turned off. You close your eyes and wait for death. You feel the blade lightly touch your collarbone…and then gently move down between your breasts and to the junction between your spread legs…he rubs your thigh with the chainsaw lightly, as if thinking. You look up at him in confusion. He tosses the saw to the side and grabs your face in his large hand. He tilts your head from side to side, examining you.

"Think she's pretty, Tommy?" The man who just attacked Ann asked.

'Tommy', the giant holding your face grunts and nods. You're horrified. Does this monster think you're pretty? "Yeah, I agree, Tommy. Good thing you didn't turn her into dinner… though, I don't think you were gonna. You had your eye on her since their car landed in our road trap." He laughed. Trap!? This was all a setup!? Did he say dinner!? Your head is spinning.

Tommy looped his bur waist arm around your waist and hoisted you up, placing you on his shoulder like you weighed a small sack of potatoes. "H-hey! What are you doing? Put me down!" You shout, pounding your hands on his back, but it doesn't even look like he knows you're hitting him. You hear footsteps and look up to see an old woman looking over at you. “P-please help me” you whimper. She smiles down at you sweetly.

"Well, I do say, you sure found yourself a sweet little thing. Ain't that right, Thomas.” The hulking figure above you grunts in agreement. You cry as you realize she has no intention of helping you in the least. “She has a pretty voice too…Take care of my Tommy, girl!” She warns, glaring down at you. “Tommy. Get'er to pop out a few farmhands, will you?" All blood drains from your face. They…want you to…what? Tommy carries you down into a dark, creepy basement. You almost puke. You see dead bodies hanging from hooks and dismembered limbs and bones strewn about….is that Edd? You're carried down a hallway and into a room. The room is empty besides a dirty mattress in a corner. He throws you on the mattress and begins to undress you immediately.

You scream and try to stop him, but he's just too strong. "P-Please stop!" You cry. Tears flow down your cheeks and you hiccup. Tommy leans down and wipes away your tears, not calming you in the slightest. He strips you down to your bra and panties and takes a good look at you, drinking up your body. You can see the lust in his eyes. He grunts in excitement and removes his bloody apron. You curl your body up and hide yourself from him. He softly strokes your cheek and hugs you like you're a teddy bear. He's oddly gentle, but you feel he's losing patience. He taps your shoulder a few times, silently urging you to show yourself to him. when you don't, his taps become a little harder. He grunts in annoyance. He presses himself into you, trying to get closer. You feel his hard cock through his pants and try to shuffle back.

He grunts in frustration, yanking your arm and knees apart, forcing your body to reveal. You need to do something!…" Please,… don't hurt me, Tommy" He only stares into your eyes. You can see emotions swirl in his eyes before he lets go of you and stomps out of the room. Looks like he's giving you time to cooperate. You bring your hands to your face and sob. You look up. You have to get out of here! You hope to god you can do this. You get up and tip-toe towards the door as quietly as you can. You slowly open it and slide it open just enough for you to fit through, which proves to be quite difficult as it's very heavy. You don't know how the monster did it before.

You continue to quietly make your way down the dark hallway, missing the dark shadow to your side. You try not to look around too much at the carnage before making your way up the stairs. You find the window you previously broke now boarded up. You take a deep breath, preparing to make a run for the front door. You haven't heard anyone yet so you think you're still in the clear. You make it to the front door and just as you're about to try and open it, your body is slammed against the wall, your breath knocked out of you. You cough and groan. You feel dizzy. You look up to see Tommy staring down at you with a look of anger. Was he waiting for you to try to escape?

You grit your teeth before lifting your knee to knee him in the crotch, but he anticipates it and grabs your leg, lifting it. He makes space for himself between your legs and lets his large hands roam your bare midriff and up to your breasts where he proceeds to rip off your bra, revealing your chest to him. You whimper in pain and try to hide yourself, earning yourself a shove into the wall, banging your head slightly.

The corners of your eyes go dark for a few moments. Your head stops spinning when he leans down and slides his tongue up your cheek. His other hand reaches down and roughly grabs at your clothed cunt. He makes sounds of excitement once again. Saying you're terrified would be an understatement. You feel his fingers cup and wiggle around down there, not knowing what to do, but liking the feeling of doing it.

You again try to shove him off as best you can. He grunts in annoyance and moves the hand previously on your chest up to your throat. Your whimpers and please turn into choked gasps and gurgles as he squeezes. He gets even closer and you can feel something hard rub against your lower stomach. "Get her, Tommy, get her!" You hear from behind him. He grunts in response and tears off your underwear. He brings it to his nose and inhales. His eyes roll back a bit as if smelling the most heavenly scent imaginable.

You now realize he's probably never held a woman before and he's completely deprived of any sort of warm human touch. "Common, Tommy, gimme that! You get to have her, the least I should get is her undies!" His brother pleads. Tommy contemplates holding the small bit of cloth in front of him before tossing it back, which his brother catches and desperately presses to his face, moaning into the fabric like it's an oxygen mask.

Tommy grabs your hair and begins dragging you back down to the basement. You scream in pain and grab onto his hand for any relief as you're forced to the ground. "No! Please! Ahh Stop!" You cry out. He drags your naked body down the blood-crusted steps and makes his way back to the room you dread. He tosses you onto the mattress once again. By the time you manage to get up on your knees, you hear a clinking sound and turn to see him undoing his belt.

You crawl into the corner as he gets on his knees before you, his shadow casting over you. He unbuttons his shirt and lets it fall off. You now know that trying to inflict pain on him is futile. Muscles that scream he could crush you like a soda can. Not only is he as big as a fridge, but he also looks like an off-season pro wrestler. You can see a very prominent bulge struggling to free itself. The size of the tent itself is intimidating.

His eyes lock on yours as he slowly unzips his belt and frees his aching cock. You look away and feel his weight settle on the bed closer to you. You can feel his heavy breathing on the side of your face. He grabs your legs and yanks you beneath him, positioning himself at your entrance. You feel his bulbous tip rub up and down your folds. "Please…" Your eyes widen and you trail off as your eyes lower to what's prodding at your cunt. You want to look away, but morbid curiosity wins. It's almost unbelievable. His cock like himself, is too big. It's long, very thick and veiny. It looks like a beer can. You can just tell he's smiling under his mask.

He slowly pushes the tip in. You try to scoot back, but he grips your hips with his massive hands and pushes forward, but fails entry, seeming too big. He grunts in frustration. He tries again, this time managing to push the tip in. You scream. It hurts so bad. "No, y-you're too big!" you gasp, squirming in place. He holds your hips tighter and continues pushing forward, impaling you on his cock, all the way to the base.

Your mind blanks. You're unable to think cohesively. You're in so much pain. He lets out a groan of pleasure and doesn't wait for you to adjust to his size and just starts moving. It feels like your organs are moving around to accommodate his massive size. You look down to see a large bulge in your lower stomach. You whimper and groan as he thrusts. "W-why?" You croak. He looks up at you before lifting your knees, pressing them to your chest and leaning on you. Your eyes roll into the back of your head as you feel him push deeper into your womb, the tip of his cock threatening to push through your cervix. He nuzzles his face into the side of your neck, cooing softly to you affectionately while playing with your hair as if to say 'I love you'.

You cry beneath him, moans being forced from your lips as his hips plow into yours. Tommy grabs your breast, rolling the nipple between his fingers. You can hear him making happy sounds of some sort between grunts. He suddenly picks you up and gets off the bed with you in his arms, skewering you on his cock. He raises you up and down like a human fleshlight. You uncontrollably moan into his shoulder. His hands grope your ass as he starts to force you up and down faster. It feels good. You can't help but feel shame.

He grunts loudly and forces himself as deep as he can. You whine as you feel a rush of hot cum flow into you. Rope after rope, he fills you up. You feel so hot inside. Your stomach bloats from the sheer volume he fucked into you. He pants and looks at you, rubbing your cheek with his. He slowly lifts you off his cock, cum pouring from your abused cunt before setting you down on the mattress. He covers you with a thick warm blanket and brushes your hair from your face, stroking it with his thumb lovingly. If you knew this was gonna be a one-way trip, you would've brought some pillows.

[russellsppttemplates]

I thought you didn't want to tell anyone (Charles Leclerc)

It appears that the Leclerc family is growing

Note: english is not my first language. I got this request from @myheartgoesvroom a good while ago and I finally had the time to write it!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions pregnancy symptoms, feeling sick, being bothered by warm temperatures/heat

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Are we all ready to go?", Charles checked with everyone inside the jet, seeing the nods and Charlotte, Lorenzo's girlfriend shrug her shoulders, "I slept funny last night, it's just tiredness", she said, closing her eyes and resting her head against the seat, "I'm going to sleep for a little bit".

Charles told the pilot they were ready, sitting next to you in the three seater, his mother sitting next to you on the other end, "I hope you are all going to take this time to rest", Pascale looked at all of you, "if I see any of you checking work e-mails, I'll swat your phones myself", she chuckled, seeing Arthur shake his head and Charles grab your hand in his, "if I see you in your phone, I'm locking it", you threatened, "you need to rest, amour, this season has been pushing you too much", you mumbled, kissing his cheek as Carla started talking about something she had seen on the news.

When you arrived at the airport, it didn't take long until you were in the van that was taking you to the hotel you were staying in, "well, these are some winding roads", Carla said, opening the window to get a little bit of fresh air, "we're nearly there, miss", the driver smiled apologetically, "but it is true, these roads are not the the weak".

"I'm usually fine, but motion sickness is bothering me a lot today", she muttered, taking big and deep breaths as she looked out the window, "it's that one there right? Looks really good!".

The check in was done seamlessly and everyone was given a card key before you headed to the villa, the staff members that helped you with the luggage also explaining a few of the amenities and how the services worked for you since you were staying in a villa and not in the hotel building.

"We have to go see about the rental cars, and the boat, too", Charles put his hands on either of his brothers' shoulder, "which one of you guys want to come with me?".

"I'll join you, and we can stop by the supermarket to get some snacks, yes?", Pascale suggested, grabbing her bag as the boys grabbed their wallets, "do you need us to go?", Charlotte asked, "no need, chérie, they can go and get the cars and we'll do the shopping. Go rest for a little bit, yes?", Lorenzo said to his girlfriend, kissing her forehead and leaving the three of you to unpack.

"The rooms are all pretty identical. The suite is bigger and has a bigger balcony, but they all have a bathroom", Carla pointed out as she opened the door to exemplify, "it has a bigger bed, but Charles will sleep glued to me, it's not like a bigger bed would make much of a difference", you blushed, "so if any of you guys want it, go for it. Or we can leave it for Pascale", you suggested, seeing the other two girls nod and go to each of the smaller rooms, leaving the one closest to the suite to you and Charles.

The room was decorated in a minimalist way, tones of white, beige and light brown complimented by the sunlight coming from the window to the balcony. While the girls unpacked, the boys and Pascale got back and discussed the plans for dinner.

"I can get them to deliver the food to the door, no problem", Charles said as Charlotte admitted that she was hoping for an early night, her headache still bothering her, "we just have to set the table and they'll bring anything we want", he showed them the menu, "I'm not picky", you said, "but if they have that local dish, you know the one with the chicken we had last year in that restaurant? I'll have that", you said to your boyfriend, getting up and heading to the kitchen with his mother, hoping you'd be able to find all the cutlery, cups and plates that you needed.

When the food arrived, everyone helped set it up in the table, "I'm just going to wash my hand quickly and I'll be right back", Charles mumbled, kissing your cheek as he held out his hand that seemed to have some sauce on it.

.

The first full day began with a walk along the beach since you wanted to get to know the area and Charles didn't mind joining you, walking hand in hand along the wooden decking, "it's really warm today", you pointed out, fixing your cap and adjusting your sunglasses, "yes, last year wasn't so warm, right?", he said, "it's a good thing we always have the time and the opportunity to come here year after year, specially as a family.

"They won't say it out loud, but I know maman, Lorenzo and Arthur, and girls, too, they consider you family already. The guys specially, I think they've always considered you part of our family and Pascale Leclerc herself has never failed to mention how much you and I were made for eachother since I was old enough to understand what that meant", he kissed your knuckles.

"I'm very grateful for that, I'm very grateful for you", you whispered, almost like you were telling him a secret even though you made conscious effort to let him know how much you loved him and cherished him everyday, not wanting him to ever entertain the idea that you didn't feel those things towards him.

The walk was going well until the heat started getting to you, "can we go walk along the water, please?", you caught Charles' attention, "I think it's getting a bit too warm for me, I'm nearly tripping over my steps", you giggled as Charles pulled you to the warm sand, "do you want me to carry you? Get some water? Look, there's a bar", he pointed, walking with you to the beach bar and getting a bottle of water, "here, amour", he handed you the bottle.

"I think it's the heat", you blushed, "and I admit I could be more diligent about my water intake", you admitted, holding Charles' hand in yours and pulling him towards the water, the freshness from the water in your feet helping you cool down.

Walking back to join the rest of the group, you noticed Charlotte in the water with Lorenzo and Pascale while Carla and Arthur stayed in the sun loungers, "I see Charlotte is feeling better, that's good", you smiled, arranging your towell and laying down on it, "can you reapply my sun block, please?", you asked Charles since he was still up.

"Sure", he grabbed the spray bottle, rubbing the product on your skin, "and are you feeling better?", he asked, "I think my mother always has a hand fan with her, I can go a look for it in her bag", he offered.

"Are you feeling okay?", Carla checked, emphasising you, "I'm fine, just bothered by the heat, I was not made for these temperatures", you chuckled.

"Oh, I just remembered that really hot summer in Monaco where you had to stay inside because the heat outside made your face go tomato red in less than a minute!", Arthur teased you, "Hey!! I was about eleven, I was going through puberty and, like I said, I wasn't made for these temperatures", you added, "Carla, if you want to to hit your boyfriend for that one, you have my blessing".

By the time the rest of the group came back, lunch time was approaching and you made your way to the villa, deciding to make something for lunch since you had the fully equipped kitchen. The boys were on the grill and Pascale was seasoning the fish, "you have to make sure it's properly cooked", Lorenzo explained to his younger brothers, assertive that no raw fish would end up on the table, "do you guys need help? Y/N is just finishing the salad, Carla went upstairs and Charlotte also went up to wash the salt off of her skin".

"She's okay, right?", Arthur asked, the worry in his voice noticeable, "I think so, yes, she said something about cream for her shoulders, I think", Pascale quirked her brow, "her skin was slightly red when we walked back here", Charles pointed out, still not convincing his youngest brother as he walked upstairs to check on his girlfriend.

"I don't want that towell, I want this one", Carla stated, swapping the identical towells on top of the sun loungers after everyhting was tidied and you decided to spend the afternoon by the pool, "sure have that one", Arthur smiled charmingly, "do you want anything else?", he asked her, "I can go and get if for you", he said as he saw her negative nod, moving to the lounger next to her, "I'd like a beer, actually", Lorenzo called for him, "then you can get up and go get it yourself, brother".

.

After you arrived back from dinner, Charlotte went upstairs so she could rest, Lorenzo excusing them and wishing everyone a good night before they went up, leaving you, Charles, Arthur, Carla and Pascale in the outside area, sitting in the sofas as you talked about the plans for the next day, "are we still up for the boat?", Charles checked.

"Do you feel better?", Arthur asked his girlfriend, rubbing her shoulder, "yes, I told you it was just the road. I'm not used to winding roads like that, not all of us can be fine at all that speed and turns and bumps", she nudged her boyfriend, "are you sure? We can just sit it out", Arthur insisted, "I'm fine, Arthur, let me go on the boat with my favourites. You'll also be there, but that's a pain I have to deal with", she teased him.

By the time Pascale asked for your intake on something, you were already asleep, holding one of the pillows, "Oh, bless her", she smiled, catching Charles attention to your figure, "I should take her to bed", he stated, getting up and storing his phone on his pocket.

"How do I...", he mumbled to himself, trying to find the best way to move you to the bedroom without waking up, "you can just wake her up, Charles, like usual", Pascale noticed her son's dilemma, "she needs her rest, she's... she needs all the help she can get from now on", he said, sliding his arm around your back and the other under your knees, successfully holding you safely against him, "Good night everyone, see you tomorrow", Charles said lastly, heading to your bedroom.

When he laid you down on the bed, you stirred a little bit, opening your eyes, "hey, beautiful, I did my best not to wake you up", he cooed, softly touching your cheek, "you can go back to sleep, amour, here", he nodded, taking his t-shirt and shorts off before laying down next to you, pushing you to lay on his chest, "have a good sleep, my loves", he kissed the top of your head.

.

"Are you sure you're okay?", Arthur asked Carla again for what felt like the tenth time in the thirty minutes they had been on the boat, "if anything feels wrong, you tell me and we will go back to the port?", he nudged, "yes, amour, I will tell you", she told him, looking at you and silently questioning if you too thought this was a bit much, her quirked brow showing her own confusion, "he's just being caring, I guess? It would be worse if he didn't care about you", you reasoned, grabbing your bag and finding a spot to lay on.

"I have your water, amour, to make sure you actually drink more that the average for a little kid", Charles said, walking to meet you in the deck with two big bottles of water, "I have ice cold and room temperature, depending on how you're feeling", she smiled, sitting next to you and placing a tote bag down, "I also have snacks if you get peckish", he said, "we just had breakfast, Charles".

"I know, but of you get peckish, it's okay, it's normal, so you have your snacks here if you want them", he added, laying on his stomach as his arm wrapped your body near your waist, his hand rubbing small circles and shapes on your tummy.

.

"Lorenzo just called me to check if I was okay. Am I being inconsiderate if I think this is too much?", Charlotte confided with you, "don't look at me, Charles suggested I sit this paddle game out 'and take the opportunity to rest, amour', like that's not what I have been doing", you reasoned, seeing Carla walk in with a pharmacy paper bag, "Arthur asked someone from the reception to bring me this, and then he texted me saying that 'they're safe' for me. Isn't medicine safe anyway?", she took a box from the bag, "those are anti-sickness pills", Pascale recognised after reading the box.

"We all believe something is wrong with them, don't we?", Charlotte was the first to point it out, verbally you soon after found out, as Pascale shook her head as he laughed, "something has been wrong with them since this holiday started. I know I raised attentive boys, but neither of them have let either of you out of their sight, I mean, yesterday I heard Charles tell Y/N that he was going to use the bathroom and he would leave the door semi open so she could call him if she needed anything", Pascale offered, seeing you roll your eyes, "that was true, I was hoping no one heard it", you blushed, "no worries, the walls are not that thick, chérie, and Charles didn't exactly whisper either", she rubbed your shoulders.

"So they're treating us like we are made of porcelain and no one knows what is up with them?", Carla asked, "a couple of nights ago, Lorenzo told me he would wait until I was ready to tell him", Charlotte shrugged, "I just let it slide because I didn't know what he was talking about and, honestly, I was closer to dreamland than I was to here, so I didn't pay it too much attention".

"What would you tell him, though? And it seems like they haven't talked about whatever is going on between them either. Was it something they saw?", you reasoned.

"We have to try and think like they're thinking so we can figure out", Carla said, "a hard task at hand considering how they think", Pascale retorted.

"They've been very caring with us, more than usual, and it's each one of them with each one of us, and not with you", you pointed to Pascale, "do they think we're ill? We're not mad at them, right?", you looked over, "so, it's, like a health thing, something that requires changes in the long run and- Oh no", you pitched in, sure that if you were a cartoon, the light bulb would be lit up on top of your head.

"I think my card is not working properly, I'm going to the front desk to see if they can sort it out or give me a new one", you informed Charlotte and Carla as you closed the door before you. When you went to the front door to grab the towells one of the staff left there, you weren't quick enough and let the door close, and when you tried to ring your card in, it didn't work.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience", the man at the front desk apoligised, "it's okay, these things happen. Thank you again, have a good day", you smiled at him, grabbing your new card and walking back to the villa.

The house had three big bedrooms, the suite, a big living area connecting the kitchen to the living room and the outside was even bigger. You had direct access to the patio where you had a big table and barbecue area, as well as a pool and a big garden with a small gate at the end that led to the beach. Overall, it was the perfect place for you to spend your holiday and you had been looking forward to spending time with family.

You were taking in the view and enjoying how the warm air surrounded you when you stumbled on someone, "I'm so sorry, are you okay?", you asked, looking at the whole situation and seeing a few games on the floor and a small box you recognised from the pharmacy.

"I'm good", a shaky voice said, "I'm sorry I ran into you, I have to admit I was distracted", a young woman around your age apoligised back to you, "I work with kids all day, why would I be so nervous to be pregnant?", she blurted.

Sensing her nerves, you thought you could help her, "do you need help with that? I'm pretty good in a crisis so I can be a sound mind of you want to", you attempted.

"Would you, actually? I really need to vent it all out", she cringed, "I'm staying right here, let me just tell the girls", you opened the door, "Carla! Charlotte!", you called, seeing them join you in the hall, "this is Ana", you introduced, "these are Carla and Charlotte, we are all dating brothers, different ones, I mean", you chuckled, "and Ana here could use our support because she has to take a pregnancy test", you smiled.

"It's very nice to meet you, you can use this bathroom, here", Charlotte said warmly as she opened the door of the bathroom by the stairs.

After reading the instructions, you left Ana to do her thing before she opened the door again, "so,", she smiled nervously, "is this your first time here?". "Yes, we've never been here. Last year we stayed somewhere else. So far, so good", Carla responded, "pardon my question, but are counting on a certain result?".

"My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time, and we've not been not trying, I guess?", she chuckled, "it's just nerve wracking you know? I work with kids, that's why I have all of those games, I work at the kid's club", she explained. The phone with the timer beeped, catching her attention and making you rub her back soothingly as she got it and read the results, "you're pregnant, Ana", you smiled.

"She must've put it in the trash and they saw it, let me check", you said as you walked to the bathroom, "there it is! She put it in the trash and they all saw it", you reasoned.

"Well, that surely explains a lot of it. I have seen Charles, particularly, dote on your like your a porcelain doll, but even these last few days were unusual for him", Pascale chuckled, "the way he helped you up the stairs? That's when it clicked for me that something was really different".

"Well, the things is that there's nothing different", you stated, "and Lorenzo and Arthur too, then!", you rubbed your temples, giggle alongside with the rest of the women in the room, "Pascale, with all due respect because you've raised these men impeccably, sometimes they're not the sharpest", Carla touched her shoulder, "should I be offended because I followed their train of thought?", you wondered.

When the boys arrived back from their paddle game, you and the rest of the group stayed in the living room as they headed up for showers, claiming you'd prefer to stay in for the night since you weren't feeling well, earning all of the three boys' approvals without further questions.

Charles was the first to come down, hair still wet as he walked to you, kissing your forehead, "do you need anything, amour?", he asked and acknowledged your negative answer, sitting next to you and cuddling you to his chest, "have you been feeling good today?", he brushed your hair and pulled it behind your ear. On your end, you were trying your best to keep a straight face, "yes, I'm fine, got all the rest I needed", you smiled, kissing his cheek and allowing him to place his hands under your top you were wearing and touch your tummy.

A little while later, Lorenzo walked dowstairs too, stopping by the kitchen to grab a bottle of water for him and another for Charlotte, checking if she was feeling better while Arthur also joined you in the living room.

"I'm just ordering dinner", Charles said as he typed on his phone screen, "they say they can put everything with eggs on the side and separately, and there are no raw ingredients, everything is washed and I-", he was interrupted by Carla's loud laugh.

"I'm sorry, I can't do it, not when I know where all of this is coming from", she continued as Charlottle broke down, too.

"What do you mean?", Charles said as the confusion on his face became clear, "Charles, amour, look at me", you called, "do you think there is something wrong with me? That my health status has changed?", you questioned honestly.

Charles fumbled with his words, "I mean, amour, I- do you want me to say it out loud or whisper in your ear? I didn't know of you wanted to tell anyone because you haven't told me either, and that's okay! But do I say it now?", he yelped, "you're pregnant, Y/N", he stated.

Arthur and Lorenzo got up as if on cue, both belting out "Y/N's pregnant, too?", before looking at their girlfriends and seeing their giggles, "you think the three of us are pregnant?". The brother's looked between them, "I saw the test in the trash bin, and Carla had just been in the bathroom, so I assumed we were having a baby", Arthur reasoned, "Charlotte hasn't been feeling well, it's her test", Lorenzo offered, "are we talking about the same test on that bathroom or has that bathroom been the 'pee on the stick and find out you're pregnant' Station?", Charles argued back.

Chuckling you got up and cupped Charles face with your hands, "it happened once and it's Ana's test", you smiled, "the girl from the kid's club. She was scared to take it and we gave her some support, that's all", you smiled, "no one's pregnant here", you finally said.

The boys made a collective "oh" noise until Arthur spoke, "you were not feeling well and I just thought that it was yours", he said to Carla, accepting her hug, "same goes to you, you kept saying the food tasted funny and I connected the dots, that apparently weren't so clear", Lorenzo said to Carla.

Charles had shifted on his feet a couple of times before he turned to you, "I thought you didn't want to tell anyone, that's why I didn't say anything. If you did not feel comfortable in telling it, it was because you wanted privacy and I respected that. I thought you'd eventually announce it when you were ready so I didn't push for it either, I just wanted to be there", he admitted. You kissed his jaw soflty, "well, there's no baby in here, the test does not belong to any of us".

"It's a good thing to know, though. Whenever the time comes, I'm having enough grandchildren to spoil to my heart's content", Pascale clapped, getting up and heading to the outside area, "Oh, look at that sunset, it's beautiful!".

"So, no baby...", Charles trailed off, holding your hands in his, "I have to admit that, in a way, I'm relieved, because that would change up our lives a lot, especially with three babies in the family", he chuckled, "but when things are more settled, in a few years surely, we can start our family if you want to", he smiled charmingly, "of course, whenever the time comes. I love you, Charles, I love you so much", you smiled, "but, please, whenever that happens, don't coddle me like I'm a porcelain doll", you attempted, "Oh, that will have a to be another negotiation I'm afraid, amour".

[sweetteainthesummerx]

THE LOVE LASTS SO LONG

Ollie Bearman and his girlfriend turned wife, as seen from social media and the public. 

series masterlist

reader has a name and a no fc, but is portrayed as East Asian :) No warnings, probably going to have multiple parts :) ALSO NO HATE TO MACE CORONEL I literally searched up young actors and he popped up AND no hate to ollie and Estelle's relationship I just wanted to write for fun. pls be kind this is baby's first Tumblr post also someone pls help me how do I make my blog aesthetic

★・・・・★・・・・ ★・・・・★

E-news!

TRENDING NOW

AUBREY YANG WINS OSCAR AT AGE 17

Aubrey Yang, age 17, wins Best Supporting Actress in break out role on blockbuster movie, Station 13. This young star has been acting since the age of 7, landing roles such in which she worked with household names like Michelle Yeoh and Robin Williams. Her astounding and emotional performance as a newly orphaned teen in the apocalypse adjacent Morgan Freeman has secured her spot in this tumultuous industry. In her acceptance speech, Yang delivered an impactful critique on Asian presence in Western Media and how her win is “ not just [hers], but for all of us”. 

Yang is set to star in upcoming movie, White Jade Tiger, a historical film based on the book of the same name, directed by John M. Chu next fall. 

See below for Audrey Yang’s Acceptance Speech I 2024 Academy Awards. 

aubreyyang posted

liked by morganfreeman, michelleyeoh_official, and 987,432 others

aubreyyang Wow. I am still in absolute shock. Thank you so much to everyone who supported me and helped make this happen. Here’s to more change and more love in the future! 

view all 26,183 comments

morganfreeman well done, and well deserved Aubrey. It was an honor seeing your incredible talent and hard work. 

— aubreyyang thank you so much for guiding me and imparting your wisdom!! I love you on set dad!

michelleyeoh_official They grow up so fast…proud of you, Aubrey!

— aubreyyang MICHELLE MY HERO

dior.n.goodjohn MY QUEEN YOUVE SLAYED TOO HARD IM AFRAID

— aubreyyang AHHH MY GF VAN TRIP WHEN???

user dior and aubrey are friends???

user2 yes they’re both from vancouver their friendship is so cute 

macecoronel ❤️

liked by author 

sabrinacarpenter girlboss

aubreyyang SABBB my lover

olliebearman posted

olliebearman Spring break, ready to get back on (the) track 😁

tagged: kimi.antonelli

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liked by kimi.antonelli, arthur_leclerc, and 7,4720 others

celebgossipnews_page posted

celebgossipnews_page Aubrey Yang has won an Oscar: but is she winning in the love department? The actress was seen arguing with long-term boyfriend, Mace Coronel in front of Nobu Downtown last Friday night, at 9:00 pm. She left the restaurant in tears, without Coronel. Could this power couple break up at the height of Yang’s career?

Liked by 7344 others

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user1 dude I hate him sm like wdym u pulled Aubrey, the baddest baddie out there

— user2 fr man is washed up

aubreyyyfanpage girl stand up that man is not worth it LEAVE HIM

— yang4eva WORDD miss ma’am he does not deserve u ONE CHANCE PLS

aubberieyaang posted

aubberieyaang as liv once said, its brutal out here 

liked by celine_diorr and others

view all 20 comments

celine_diorr NAH NO WAY LIL BRO CHEATED ON U LIKE WDYM

celine_diorr WHEN I CATCH U BRO WHEN I CATCH U

liv_laugh_love girl are r u ok u know its bad when ur quoting me

— aubberieyaang I can’t help it I start singing one step forward three steps back whenever I start crying

chuck_bushes do u want me and walker to go beat him up

— celine_diorr YO I want in

— aryannawhatrudoinghere me too

— walkdontrun pulling up to his house rn

— leeahh_j AUBREY I LOVE YOU DONT CRY

— aubberieyaang AW I LOVE U GUYS

dallastexas dude how r u showing up to set and pretending to be okay

dallastexas im gonna grab food and come over to urs

— aubberieyaang PLS. Also water im so dehydrated

★・・・・★・・・・ ★・・・・★

© sweetteainthesummerx.tumblr. all rights reserved. unauthorized copying, translation, or claiming of my writing or any works as your own is strictly prohibited.

[steddieasitgoes]

Steve Harrington as a mailman. Khaki shorts and blue collared shirt all tucked in with a leather belt. Satchel of mail slung over his shoulder. The moms of the neighborhood all wait for him to show up. Joke with him about how he’s lucky he’s cute because he only ever delivers them bills. Occasionally there’s a teen girl waiting for him, eagerly waiting for her college acceptance letter and a visit from the cutest mailman in town.

Steve’s lost track of the amount of times he’s been told he’s too pretty to be a mailman. He just laughs and shrugs. Says someone has to deliver the mail.

And the thing is, Steve loves his job. Loves driving the van and getting out to walk the streets. Loves the small talk with families and cutting deals with skeptical dogs — he keeps a box of treats in his car to win them over.

His favorite house to deliver to is a single-story Victorian house with a porch. Always tries to time his route so that he can go on his lunch break right after stopping there because 9 times out of 10 the little old lady who lives there, Ms. Turner, will invite him in for lunch. She’s the best cook in town and he doesn’t mind her company either.  

It’s a sad day when Steve learns that Ms. Turner’s kids are moving out of state and they’re taking her with her. It warms his heart that they want to be close to their elderly mom, but he can’t help but feel left behind. Ms. Turner was his friend too. 

She makes sure to give him a recipe book of all his favorite dishes and her phone number so he can call and tell her all the gossip she’s missed. 

The house takes forever to sell but when it does the new owners move in quietly. The house immediately starts getting mail delivered to an E. Munson. No one is ever home though so he slips it through the mail slot and keeps going. Until one day, when he’s got a bigger parcel to deliver. One that won’t fit in the mail slot. So he knocks on the door and waits and waits and waits until the door finally opens. 

“So, you’re the cute mailman I keep hearing all about,” the man who answers says and smiles. Steve feels his heart stop and then restart. “M’Eddie. Nice to finally meet you.” 

Steve thinks he’s going to start timing his route so he can have lunch with Eddie now. 

[pianokantzart]

Seeing @keakruiser making AUs in a bullet point storytelling format inspired me to take a crack at my own AU that I've been thinking about for a bit. What would happen if, in The Super Mario Bros. Movie, after Mario and Luigi are separated, Mario was the one who ended up in the clutches of Luigi’s eventual arch nemesis, while Luigi teamed up with some of his own close allies to go rescue him? Essentially The Super Mario Bros Movie, but with the brothers' roles reversed. So, without further ado...

The Super Mario Bros. Redux (Pt. 1)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 ________

The beginning is much the same as it was in the original Super Mario Bros. Movie until they are separated in the warp pipe, with two exceptions: 1. When their van breaks down, Luigi's first instinct is to take the tool kit and try to fix the motor (mechanic Luigi, my beloved). But before he can get a good look, Mario insists that there's not enough time, and heads to the job on foot. Luigi closes the hood of the van and follows him. 2. After Mario leaves the dinner table, the focus goes to Luigi's conversation with his dad rather than Mario holed up in his room.

"What did I say?" "''You're bringing your brother down with you'?" Luigi asks, finally able to get a word in now that his uncles have shut up. "Why would you say that?" "Luigi, be honest. How much did that commercial cost? How many new clients has it gotten you? Huh?" "It's only been a day! And Mario'll figure something out. He always does." Luigi insists, taking his brother's plate of pasta and picking it free of mushrooms. "I just want to help him out along the way."

Pio sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You can't hide in your brother's shadow your entire life, Luigi. One of these days you're gonna have to man up and start making your own decisions." Luigi doesn't answer, he simply finishes removing the mushrooms from Mario's plate, and gets up from the table to deliver the food to his despondent brother.

After Mario and Luigi attempt to save Brooklyn, after they end up in the warp zone, and after they are ripped from each-other's grasp, Mario is dragged into an unsettling looking pipe surrounded by purple smoke and overgrown with gnarled branches.

Luigi flies onward, emerging from a pipe inside what looks to be another sewer, not too different from the one back in New York. No sooner does he regain his senses does he find himself dragged away by a powerful blast of suction. Flying backwards through the air, he stops suddenly as his back clogs the nozzle of a strange vacuum-like contraption being carried by a little old man.

"Oops! Sorry, Sonny! I thought for certain you were gonna be a ghost!" the old man apologizes, releasing Luigi from the vacuum's suction with a flip of a switch. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small device that loosely resembles a hand-held vidoegame console, reexamining the numbers flashing on the screen. "When my readings showed that pipe 983 had suddenly reactivated, I thought for sure King Boo was trying to use it to send his band of ghosts to Sarasaland!"

Before Luigi could ask one of the thousands of questions on his mind, the old man introduces himself: Professor Elvin Gadd (E. Gadd for short.)

Luigi introduces himself in return, then asks about his brother. He tells the professor about their situation in detail, describing the warp pipe that Mario had disappeared into.

E. Gadd tsks sadly and shakes his head. He explains that particular pipe leads to "Evershade Valley," and though the valley used to be perfectly habitable, ever since King Boo shattered The Dark Moon nobody who has set foot in that land has ever returned.

"Wait, what do you mean? Who's King Boo?" Luigi asks "Well! You truly are out of the loop!" E-Gadd chuckles, "Then again... I remember how little I knew when I first arrived in this world." He continues to talk while leading Luigi through the underground, casually clearing a path for them with the powerful blowing and sucking functions of the vacuum. "King Boo is nothing less than the lord of ghosts! He is the master of illusions, the reigning tyrant of the undead, the loather of all living flesh, and– at the moment– the sole ruler of Evershade Valley."

This description unsettles Luigi. He retorts that if that's the case, he has to get to Evershade Valley as soon as possible. As frightened as he is, he's never been so frightened that he couldn't help his brother out of a tough spot, and he knows Mario would do the same for him in a heartbeat.

"Well! In that case I suggest you stick with me for a bit. And keep those tools with you." The old scientist gestures toward the tool bag Luigi had dropped on the ground in the mayhem, "I may have a few uses for them."

Just as Luigi comes to the question of where they are currently, Professor E. Gadd opens a sewer cover and leads him out into the middle of a big bustling coastal city in Sarasaland. Think the Daisy Circuit from Mario Kart, but way larger and more crowded (and missing the romantic statue of course.)

Luigi struggles to keep up with the elderly scientist, who weaves his way effortlessly through throngs of turtle men, snake monsters, insect soldiers, giant sentient heads made out of stone, and a vast array of other strange and fascinating pedestrians.

"Stop your dilly-dallying, youngster!" E. Gadd eventually calls, getting fed up with Luigi's slow, bewildered pace, "I've got a meeting in The Birabuto Kingdom, and my train– our train– leaves in fifteen minutes!" "Birabuto Kingdom?" Luigi asks, allowing himself to be shoved along, "What's that? What about Evershade Valley?" "So impatient! Do you think I'd send you into such a place unprepared??? No no, first I'm going to perfect my equipment, then I'll help you find your brother."

E. Gadd purchases their tickets and they board the crowded 64 Express. Once seated, Luigi's eyes are immediately drawn toward the window. He stares out, deep in anxious thought as the train chugs along, traveling from the coastal city into a desert landscape.

Then, we switch over to Mario. Standing up and dusting himself off, he looks around to find himself in the gloomiest place he'd ever seen... for the little he is able to see. There is a thick purple mist hanging in the air, and the path before him is shrouded in the branches of a forest long dead.

Loudly calling out his brother's name on the off-chance he was somewhere nearby, Mario follows a light in the distance until he stumbles across a lone boo. More confused than frightened, and feeling a little sorry for the white specter shyly covering its face, Mario bends down for a moment to examine it, assuring "hey, don't worry! I won't hurt you, I'm just a little lost is all."

Suddenly, he is ambushed by a colorful trio of ghosts: a greenie, a slammer, and a hider. He tries to fight back, but every time he attempts to shove them off or swing his fists he phases right through them.

His attackers knock him around a bit until Mario succeeds in slipping away. Now in a panic, he continues rushing toward the distant light, far faster and more recklessly than before.

Eventually, he gets close enough to discover the glow was coming from the lit windows of an old mansion. He enters and – for the little good it will do – shuts the door behind him.

He wanders the halls for a long time, roaming from room to empty room, all the while haunted by the shadow of something following him. Something big.

At last, he reaches a towering portrait room. Unlike the rest of the mansion it is teeming with life, full of frightened faces pressed against picture frames, begging for help.

Mario is frozen in a moment of fear and confusion, but quickly snaps out of it. He rushes to the nearest portrait– an image of a strange little mushroom man– to ask what is wrong and what he can do.

Before the toad can give a coherent answer, the eerie presence that Mario had felt when he first entered the mansion casts a looming shadow over him.

He turns around and raises his fists in helpless hopes of defending himself. The candles of the surrounding sconces go out all at once, and in the pitch black darkness a cacophony of cackles fills the air....

[linearao3]

Publish or Perish

1/6; E

Jesper says it must be blackmail. Maybe murder. There’s no other way Kaz Brekker could already be holding a full professorship at the University of Ketterdam, no matter how many books he’s written. Inej, trapped by an adjunct’s contract which is the only thing standing between her and deportation, is willing to risk the obvious dangers of his company in exchange for the advantages, professional and otherwise. But when the department’s budget comes up suspiciously short, Inej’s job is on the line, and Kaz isn’t ready to let her go without a fight.

Chapter 1: Hendricks, Wylan. “Woven in the Ear: Unexplored Structures of Early Kerch Poetry,” delivered to 12th Annual Conference on Early Kerch Literature, Belendt University, Winter 25, 2023

“No,” Wylan says. His voice is thin and high. “I mean, maybe. Maybe he’s taking money for his department. But if he’s targeting Lit, I think he’s being told to do it. The Regents told him to.”

Kaz leans forward. “The Regents told him?”

“Jan Van Eck told him to.”

“And why would he do that?”

[iww-gnv]

(NEWARK, Calif.) — Striking Amazon delivery drivers and dispatchers from Palmdale, Calif., extended their picket line to a Bay Area warehouse (OAK5/OAK7) today, to demand the e-commerce giant stop its unfair labor practices. The growing strike will continue until Amazon reinstates the unlawfully terminated Palmdale employees, recognizes the Teamsters, respects the contract negotiated by the workers, and bargains with the Teamsters Union to address low pay and dangerous working conditions. “It is getting hotter and hotter, but Amazon makes us deliver packages in vans without working A/C and limits how much water we can take,” said Cecilia Porter, a Palmdale Amazon driver who traveled to Newark. “We are on strike to stop Amazon’s unfair labor practices and hold the company accountable for the safety and livelihood of its workers.” Amazon drivers and dispatchers began their unfair labor practice strike at an Amazon delivery station in Palmdale, Calif., on June 24. They have picketed 10 Amazon warehouses around the country during their month-long strike, including facilities in California, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Michigan, and Georgia.

[bi-numi-aliyani]

Proclaiming the Year of Aliyan-Ba'al

KTU 1.78 is quite a peculiar piece of ancient literature. It's an astrological report from Ugarit written in the City's own language and alphabet.¹ Despite being only six lines long, it has been the subject of extended discussion among scholars due to an ominous description of an astronomical event.² This event was identified early on by researchers with a solar eclipse dated to 1375 BCE, but a 1989 reexamination by astronomer Teije De Jong and Assyriologist W.H. van Soldt pointed to another solar eclipse, of 1223 BCE, as a more likely candidate.¹,³,⁴

This challenged the prevailing view of the timeframe of the Ugaritic texts.⁵ An even fuller picture thereof has emerged from research upon texts including those discovered in the house of a Diviner named Agaptharri.⁶ Three of these are particularly intriguing in relation to the Ba'al cycle, one of them even providing insight into the ritual aspect of the myth. It's classified as RS 24.293 and it involves 𒀭Mot, the God of Death who swallows up 𒀭Ba'al before being destroyed by 𒀭Maiden Anat to restore Her Brother to life.⁷

The Fourth Tablet of Ba'al itself, written by the scribe Ilimilku of Shuban under 𒀭King Niqmaddu IV of Ugarit around the same time as the apparent eclipse, also contains a portion of broken text which bridges 𒀭Ba'al the Conqueror's Great Theophany and His instructions to the Lads 𒀭Gapn and 𒀭Ugar to deliver His message to 𒀭Mot. Restoration of the text shows it appears to refer to the Sun, personified as 𒀭Shapshu the Luminary of the Gods, being cloaked in gloom as a grim omen.⁸,⁹ I think it's easy to see the connection I'm making here; I believe these two eclipses can be taken together as a sort of symbolic epoch.

The date was recorded as the Month of Khiyyaru during the New Moon which was the first Day of the Month in the Ugaritic calendar.¹ This lunar calendar has twelve months beginning just before the Autumnal Equinox in September. There was a modern version on Tess Dawson's Natib Qadish website but it's no longer present and I'm interested in repurposing it if I can figure out the math involved (especially with intercalation).

In any case, under the De Jong and van Soldt dating we are now in Year 3248 of Aliyan-Ba'al starting in late Summer of 2024 and ending in late Summer of 2025. This is of course the first actual use of such a dating system, so it's only appropriate for it to take place on the civic New Year's Day. Shulmu 𒁲𒈬 and Happy New Year to all!

References

Wyatt, Nicolas. Religious Texts from Ugarit, 2nd ed, 366–67. The Biblical Seminar 53. London: Sheffield Academic Press, 2002.

Pardee, Dennis. Ritual and Cult at Ugarit, 131–32. Edited by Theodore J. Lewis. Writings from the Ancient World 10. Atlanta: Society of Biblical Literature, 2002.

De Jong, Teije, and Wilfred H. van Soldt. “Redating an Early Solar Eclipse Record (KTU 1.78): Implications for the Ugaritic Calendar and the Secular Accelerations of the Earth and Moon.” Jaarbericht Ex Oriente Lux 30 (January 1989): 65–77. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/274720180_Redating_an_Early_Solar_Eclipse_Record_KTU_178_Implications_for_the_Ugaritic_Calendar_and_the_Secular_Accelerations_of_the_Earth_and_Moon.

De Jong, Teije, and Wilfred H. van Soldt. “The Earliest Known Solar Eclipse Record Redated.” Nature 338 (March 16, 1989): 238–40. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232779160_The_earliest_known_solar_eclipse_record_redated.

Pardee, 242.

Olmo Lete, Gregorio del, ed. “(Bn) Ảgpṯr / (Binu) Agapṯarri’s House:  The Functional Analysis of an Ugaritian ‘Archive’ (PH Room 10).” In The Private Archives of Ugarit: A Functional Analysis, 27–54. Barcino Monographica Orientalia 11. Barcelona: Edicions de la Universitat de Barcelona, 2018. https://diposit.ub.edu/dspace/bitstream/2445/129766/1/9788491682394%20(Creative%20Commons).pdf.

Pardee, 211–14 (for the other two texts noted: Wyatt, 388–90 & 414–15).

Gibson, John C.L. Canaanite Myths and Legends, 66. Edited by G.R. Driver. London: T&T Clark International, 2004.

Wyatt, 111–12.

[idontknowreallywhy]

Estera - Ch 23 - Jump

Ok, I lied. I accidentally finished another chapter.

Have been looking forward to this one for a while 😁

What went before

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

He spotted the gap in the hedge and pulled into the small car park, stopping the car a little way away from a huddle of harnessed and helmeted people gathered at the back of a van. He’d assumed from the limited message he’d received Estera was attending some kind of social event, but this looked a lot more like an Activity of some kind… given the proximity of the sheer cliffs this part of the coastline was famous for, perhaps abseiling?

Quite chunky harnesses for abseiling though.

He couldn’t quite spot her among the group and hoped he hadn’t come to the wrong place. Pulling at the sweater to make sure it was definitely hiding the waistcoat, he left his warm but completely inappropriate tailored wool coat in the car and walked as casually as he could towards the van. One helmeted head snapped around as he crunched across the gravel and he felt a rush of relief which partly but not entirely overcame his uncharacteristic self-consciousness. She gave a tiny wave and mouthed “two minutes” before turning back to focus on the person giving instructions. Scott paused where he was and watched as the briefing seemed to finish and the group sprang into action to unload a series of tightly wrapped silk bundles from the van.

His jaw dropped. He knew what those were. Estera turned back and caught his eye and he pointed to the edge of the clifftop and raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. She nodded and grinned slightly maniacally. Then beckoned him over.

He drew alongside and murmured “I thought you weren’t a fan of heights?”

“Just airplanes” she whispered back. “This way you get the rush without needing to get into one. Just, err, don’t mention it to the school kids.”

He chuckled. “Not going to lie, I’m quite envious.”

“Don’t you do this kind of thing all the time? Given your day job?”

“Not for fun. It’s hard to enjoy the moment when someone’s trapped or injured or something and they are waiting for you.”

She looked thoughtful. “Give me a minute.”

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

“We have a rig spare though don’t we? Robin hasn’t turned up.”

“That doesn’t mean we can just let a randomer jump, Tez, you know that. He’s not done the training.”

“He’s done this kind of thing a lot, though, for his job.” She looked round to see Scott happily chatting to a couple of people and suddenly realised that maybe he wouldn’t appreciate losing his anonymity right now. So she fudged it. “He’s in… outdoor pursuits” she invented rapidly “really extreme stuff. In, uh, Australia.”

“Unless he can show me a qualification… the insurance company would string me up if something happened.”

“Isn’t there anything we can do?”

She knew the disappointment was showing on her face and the wheedling was beneath her. She wouldn’t usually push, but… she glanced back over at Scott… she had a sense that he might need this as much as she did today. Mentally slapping herself for being outrageous but ploughing ahead anyway she pulled out her best puppy dog expression and watched Gary crumble.

“He’ll have to go tandem. I’ll take him. And he needs to do the E-learning first.”

“I’m sure that would be fine!”

The stocky instructor approached Scott who stood to attention, being about 8 inches taller than Gary she could see his reaction over the shorter man’s head. Estera could guess the order of conversation from his open-book facial expressions - the grin and sparkling eyes would be in response to “you can jump”, the slight frown probably meant the news that he’d have to go tandem had been delivered and the hastily suppressed cringe was very likely indicative of worse news re the e-learning requirement. Scott nodded seriously, said something she couldn’t hear and accepted the offered tablet, immediately starting to read.

“Tez!”

She jogged over.

“When he’s finished that you brief him on the geography. And get him kitted up.” Gary looked pointedly at Scott’s very-much-not-BASE-Jump-Association-approved trousers and sighed pointedly. “At least his shoes are alright.”

Scott was sat on the footplate of the van, studiously focussed on the iPad but she was sure he blushed slightly. Gary marched off to oversee the setting up of the jump point.

“In fairness I have done far crazier things in similar trousers.”

She tried and failed to suppress a snort of laughter. “I’m sorry… I’m sure if you told him who you were he’d let you do what you liked.”

Scott smirked. “I did consider it. But… he’s not actually wrong. I don’t know any of your equipment, we do a LOT of training with ours. I don’t know the jump site and it isn’t as if I can scan it to get the data to an HUD. It would be pretty awkward if I misjudged and ended up a greasy smudge on the Devonshire coastline… given the day job.” He jerked his head in the direction Gary had disappeared in “Apparently the paperwork would ruin his week.”

Estera spluttered and he grinned up at her. “Just promise me you won’t tell a soul? I’ll never hear the end of it if Gordon or Alan find out. Anyway TEZ…” she screwed up her face at the awful nickname and he winked “aren’t you supposed to be briefing me?”

She pointed at the iPad and tapped her foot. He shrugged.

“I can take in both. Go ahead.” The last two words had a certain… commanding quality to them. Which she guessed made sense. Given the day job.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

“John. I believe there might be a Situation with Scott.”

John nearly inhaled his crème d’oursin and was halfway to his feet before his brain engaged. It was entirely possible he was catching the smotherhen from Scott. Penny had of course remained composed and asked EOS to elaborate.

“Certainly, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward. I have been monitoring the life signs at the coastal location his rental vehicle reached. There are 16 life signs and I believe one represents Scott Tracy and another is highly likely to be Estera Hermaszewska.”

“Is he injured?

“It appears not, John.”

John placed his cutlery down delicately. “EOS… why? I haven’t asked you to monitor him. In fact I believe Scott specifically asked you not to do so.”

“Scott asked me not to monitor his vitals and location via his personal comm unit. He did not make any reference, positive or negative, to remote monitoring of his vehicle and its environs.” The AI’s voice had a petulant edge to it.

“Reference spirit of the law versus the letter of the law”

A few seconds passed.

“Oh.”

“You still haven’t explained why you are monitoring.”

“I am interested in the development of human friendships and believe Scott Tracy and Estera Hermaszewska would make an informative study. I am simultaneously monitoring three weather fronts, a wild fire in Peru, a developing coup in a Eurasian separatist state and I have learned 14% of the rules of cricket.”

“Still going on the cricket, EOS? It’s been a week?”

“I am determined to master it, John. It is the only sport where my understanding remains incomplete.”

John nodded and glanced at Penny who had been holding her napkin to her lips for rather longer than necessary to wipe the non-existent food residue from her face.

“Dare I ask what the Situation that concerns Scott is, EOS?”

“Yes, John.”

A pause. He clarified:

“What is the Situation, EOS?”

“All 16 life signs appear to have fallen over 100 vertical metres from the clifftop to the beach, John. All 16 remain viable and highly mobile which is anomalous in the circumstances.”

John frowned and ran a quick search on popular outdoor pursuits at the location. Then nodded. And sighed deeply.

“EOS, you need to stop monitoring Scott. He won’t thank you.”

“But John, what about…?”

“The only cause for concern here is that my eldest brother has found a friend as ridiculous as he is.”

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Scott leapt back in surprise and cursed loudly as the frigid water did its best to give him immediate frostbite.

Their harnesses and other equipment had been abandoned along with their shoes just above the tideline. The thrill-seeking group were dealing with the adrenaline comedown by rolling their trousers above the knees in order to sample the waters of the English Channel in late April. Which was clearly a lot closer to the Arctic Circle than his knowledge of geography had previously suggested.

He mock-glared at Estera who was unflinchingly shin deep in the gentle surf and doubled over laughing at him.

“Can’t we just jump off the cliff again?”

“I thought you lived by the sea?”

“Not this kind of sea!” Oops that was edging closer to a whine than he was proud of. Come on Tracy, man up.

He edged cautiously back to where the waves lapped over the pebbles and gritted his teeth to suppress the shudder as the nerves in his toes gave up and died on the spot.

“Last night I went for a swim and it was 72 degrees…” he quickly converted “about 22 Celsius.”

“Aaah this would be about 10.”

That figured.

“You should come back at Christmas, it’s tradition to swim in it on Boxing Day, sometimes we break the ice to do so.”

“Yep, I’m increasingly convinced the British are insane.”

She kicked icy water at him. He shrieked in an incredibly macho way and responded in the only way a self-respecting Commander, CEO and Responsible Big Brother could:

Competitively.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[425599167]

The decisions in Fallout: New Vegas contain a lot of nuance, but I'm always able to find a resolution I can be happy with, except when it comes to the Brotherhood of Steel. They have me at a bit of an impasse. This is one situation where my default solution of "sneak attack critical headshots" won't help. The Brotherhood's individual members are among the least hateable of the factions, but they are collectively horrible and I don't know how to avoid fighting them.

Veronica is my favorite companion and the Brotherhood becomes a constant threat to her, she is rightfully terrified they are monitoring her to preserve their secrecy, but she wouldn't want me to destroy them. Also, I'm against mass murder as a general rule. That rule is negotiable if the entire faction is trying to kill me, (e.g. Legion, Fiends, Ghost People) which the Brotherhood isn't... yet. Only a few of them tried to kill me. They destroyed a Followers of the Apocalypse outpost, of which I am a respected member. Since I go the Wild Card route with an army of robots, plus all the advanced tech I brought from the DLC locations, the Brotherhood is going to attack New Vegas at some point. House and Yes Man both predict this, and they're proven correct in endings where the Brotherhood basically become high-tech raiders. Yes Man says they'll want to blow him up, and I will not let that happen, Yes Man is my favorite right below Veronica.

I repaired Helios One and deactivated its weapon system (after fighting through robotic defenses left behind by the Brotherhood, thanks for that), gave ED-E's data to the Followers instead of the Brotherhood, and took control of Hoover Dam. If you don't have Veronica in tow, your first interaction with the Brotherhood will be them strapping a bomb collar to your neck, and for all their talk about how crazy Elijah was, that's his standard approach. The Brotherhood aren't as relentlessly cruel as the Legion, but every interaction builds them up as dangerous to everyone, and an inevitable threat to a Wild Card Courier specifically. Their main protection is that I don't want to make my bestie sad. Not only do I like Veronica, I share her goals and her success is an indicator of the Mojave's future. If Veronica is sad, that means I am failing.

Even if I don't involve myself, the Brotherhood will only grow more desperate and dangerous. I didn't complete the mission to replace McNamara with Hardin because that would be stupid of me, but if the situation continued, Hardin would probably attempt a coup anyway, then more Brotherhood members will die from infighting. Then Hardin would pick fights with local factions, probably beginning with the Van Graffs. It won't accomplish anything since the Van Graffs in Freeside are only one outpost and their company doesn't just salvage energy weapons, they understand the technology and can manufacture their own. Now the Brotherhood has yet another enemy, one that can match their weapons. Sure would be unfortunate if someone sold the Van Graffs a prototype pulse gun Veronica feared could destroy the Brotherhood. Actually, that's probably a bad idea unless I can make the securitrons EMP-proof.

Eventually, the bunker's air filtration systems will break down on their own. Parts can be found in the vaults, the Brotherhood can handle Vault 11, but Vaults 3 & 22 would definitely cost them a few people. I could also get the parts, then never return them to the Brotherhood, making it even harder for them to locate replacements. Eventually the bunker would become uninhabitable and they'd evacuate. That's better than killing them all, but not by very much. Yeah, I won't kill them, I'll just make their home unlivable, force them to leave, then repair the bunker later and claim it for myself. I don't feel like the good guy.

My knack for underhanded strategies really shined when I retrieved the holotapes of dead paladins to demoralize McNamara, then took the mission to deliver the scouts' reports, killed the scouts (one died in a crossfire with Legion assassins), then never continued the quest so the lockdown remains. I feel kinda bad about that, but who's gonna tell McNamara? Obviously not those scouts.

One option I thought about was using pulse weaponry to wreck so much of their power armor and energy weapons that they can no longer maintain their armed forces. That might be wishful thinking, and I don't have any plan for what to do afterwards. I don't want their destruction or surrender, I want them to leave New Vegas alone. A written apology to Veronica, signed by every member of the Mojave chapter, would also be appreciated. I'd fix their air filters in exchange for that.

In theory, I could try and befriend the Brotherhood, but the whole point of Veronica's quest is they will not course-correct under any circumstances short of imminent destruction by the regional superpowers. Even the truce with the NCR is conditional on returning salvaged power armor. It doesn't matter how nice I am or what I do to help, they will not let me share advanced tech with the wasteland, and that's been my ultimate goal through all this. I'm not giving up on that to appease these guys.

This is one of the plot threads where post-ending theories can get interesting and gutwrenching, because the best option is "hope their society collapses on its own before I'm forced to kill or be killed".

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #36

36. FINLAND Windows95Man - "No Rules!" 19th place

Decade ranking: 143/153 [Above Nadir, below Let3]

Okay so, I promised in Saturday's post that I would try to be positive, but I may already have to rescind on that promise lol. (the "lol" is for punctuation because I definitely did not laugh.) "No rules!" stinks and has very few redeeming qualities. 🙂 Natalia was right, she WAS robbed by a Nudist Demon!

For real, does anyone over the age of twenty-five enjoy this dumpster fire? If so, fukk meee. LOVE YOURSELVES.

As I noted in my UMK review back in Feb:

I have difficulty buying into this hyperactive ball of bad taste. “Fuck The System” always feels like the go-to message of individuals that fail to fit into social structures that aren’t fully of their own shaping. For an entry that’s all “live as you like, there’s no rules!” in its messaging, these two look like they conform to just about every styling and behavioural rule associated with Zoomer culture: A total disregard for general aesthetics over a dumbed-down drone of a beat because everything is ironic and nothing is to be taken seriously.  It is a depressing take on life. Yeah sure, a bit of camp levity is welcome in this loathesome world, but any happy song that weaponizes irony like this one trends towards encouraging irresponsibility, cynicism and nihilism. Some things DO matter in life, you know? You need to afford your bills and groceries, charge your social batteries, cultivate your friendships, or else you’ll wind up living alone in a van, down by the river. But if the latter life appeals to you, then this is the entry for you, I guess. For me though; this contest is already has one Joost Klein. Let’s not add a second one from Finland.

Funny how I nailed that even before knowing the full extent of it. I ofc vastly underestimated how bad the live would be, and as soon as I'd seen it my scepsis immediately supernova'd into intense HATRED. If ONLY "Paskana" hadn't been weak as piss. Yes, the cringe in "No Rules!" is deliberate, obviously, I have a sense of humour. Having a sense of humour is why I hate it? How much "deliberated cringe" can one tolerate before concluding "nope, this is r o t t e n." Does it start with

THE BAD GUNTER IMPRESSION?

or

THE DONALD DUCKING?

or

CALLING HIMSELF" A QUEEN"?

or

screaming "SEE ME SLAYYYY" :proceeds to not slay: ?

It definitely ends in whatever this shot is supposed to be.

Humour is subjective sure enough, and Windowsninetycringeman's jokes fall flatter than a pancake á moi. Why is everything denim? Why is this THIRTY-NINE YEAR OLD MAN still engaging in toilet humour and internet speak? Grow the f up? The art lies in the execution and Finland showed neither. I do NOT like Europapa much, but having Finland and not Netherlands in the final vibes wrong on so many levels. Europapa at least had a clear plan and delivered its nonsense in contained, piecemeal doses? It was COMPETENT in what it attempted to be (A Televote Winner), not a lazy amalgation of simple-minded drunk jokes strung together over a Planet of The Bass megamix as some sort of a Hail Mary. Joost and Teemu represent the Expectations/Reality divide of Zoomer Nonsense and it was darksided that only the latter got to compete for points. But on top of that, Teemu was generally just full of shit? Hooray, an Old Millennial engaging in Zoomer Cringe who lets an actual zoomer do all the vocal heavy lifting, without giving him a single featuring credit. Yay! It's a painfully accurate depiction of what being a zoomer is like, but not an intentional one.

Also remember when Teemu said he would "try to discreetly approach the other contestants to find ways to show support for Palestine" (remember that this contest was supposed to be 'not political'?) Hm yes discreet. So discreet he declared his intentions to interviewers so that everyone would know it was HIS idea. "Discreet", human please. And the result of all that talk was...

(lol I'm SO making it sound like I care about what political standpoints any of these acts took, and I don't. But I do call out a fraud when I spot one.)

Yeah well thanks for trying, but I'd rather you hadn't. A statement you can apply to my feelings of the entry overall. Okay, we've reached full circle, time to move on to our designated palate cleanser because THIS page is a safe zone for people of good taste.

The universe where YLE overrules the results and sends THEM to ESC is the one where we head to Helsinki twice in a row.

THE RANKING

[holestodegrade]

The parcel will be delivered by men in grey suits who will arrive in a grey van labelled "DP Farm Services LLC". The men (and of course it will be men) will drop off a large cardboard box. Packing list: - (A): 1 locking collar with matching close-fitting eyeless hood - (A*): Inside, please find a pair of inductively charged ear buds. Once securely in place, these will temporarily fuse to the ears. - (B): 1 neck corset, locks securely to A - (C): 1 rigid dental gag, with fixtures for A and B - (D): 1 posture harness (compare to a corset in the style of B, with rigid attachment points for A -(D*): note the modular removing panels, which allow portions to be exposed or covered as needed. - (E): 1 reinforced leather/composite arm sheath, to be attached to the rear of D - (F): 2 ball mittons, which lock and affix to E. - (G): 2 stochastic/intermittent reinforcement nipple entertainments with optional suction, vibration, shock, and rapid heading attachments. - (H): 1 hypodermic (please confirm your account is associated with the indicated credit card nearing default before injection) This assortment does not include the optional long term air/gas, hydration/intoxication, or other long term care and transport features. The default audio loop has been queued within the earbuds to enhance the subject's calm. The subject will carefully read the instructions, and confirm the contents are complete prior to putting them on. If there are any problems, you will be contacted shortly. Please apply the earbuds to continue with audio instructions. (Caution: language skills may temporarily become unavailable. You are strongly encouraged to follow along with the herd on this one.) Please note: Other farmers in your area may wish to contact you to subcontract services. As long as they have the DP logo, you are hereby instructed to give every attention to possibly-legitimate instructions they may have.

Pulling open the packet I read everything twice, three times before trying to decide what to do. I'd paid the non refundable fee, but if I chose not to go through with it I could just throw away what had been delivered.

The mask was latex cow print, holes for my nostrils and septum ring to poke through as well as an open area for my mouth. The straps on the side could link with the gag and the posture collar provided. The bell on the collar clanked loudly as I held it, fingers going over the large fastening on the back.

The posture harness had the same cowprint on every panel, clearly able to expose whatever part of my body was required at that moment. The rest of me would be left naked, stripped and waiting for someone to arrive and put me back into the box and deliver me to my new location.

With a deep breath I put the posture collar on, feeling the click of the fastening and the bell hit the top of my chest. I followed it with my posture harness, feeling how I could no longer move my torso separately but had to all together. My udders pushed forward, a groan leaving my lips as I attached the nipple adornments.

It didn't take long for me to hold the mask in my hands and take one final deep breath before slipping it on and feeling the earbuds fuse against me. Before I could let myself get distracted by the low noises I forced the gag into my mouth, immediately feeling it fill with drool as humiliation pulsed through me and made my cunt throb.

The final step was picking up the needle and plunging it into my thigh while depressing the plunger. I pulled it out and laid down while the drugs inside began to work, finally letting the voices in my ears take over.

Moooooooooooooooo

[tal-vez-o-quizas]

Responding to this post by @wakeupthemembersofbylernation:

In Vol 2, Mike expressed that he felt like a looser. He also felt useless and insecure in himself as a person and in the relationship cause El is this super-powered girl and he’s just “a nerd”, as well as fearing that she didn't love him any more, but he put more emphasis on being needed by her cause she's literally becoming her own person. Hence the “What if she doesn’t need me anymore?” which I believe is not meant to be taken in the romantic sense only but also in the “caregiver” sense. If she grows as a person, she won't need Mike anymore. She won’t need for him to show her the ropes. If she knows she can continue relying on other people, she won't need him anymore. Mike himself says it when he gets to the "She's special, she was born special… Maybe I was the first to realize that” makes me think that he was THE first one to realize she had powers after she ran away, he gave her shelter, took care of her and was the first one to have a deep connection with El. We never hear how Mike thinks El is special besides the fact that she has powers. Only for that reason.

But now that you are wondering if Will’s words in the van were actually describing El’s feelings, I’m just thinking… Has El ever felt insecure and like a looser because of her relationship with Mike? I don’t think so. El felt insecure and discouraged cause she didn’t have her powers anymore, not because Mike is this super amazing boyfriend (I don't think he's terrible, haha). She knows how much people rely on her powers, and I’m sure said powers make her feel useful and make her feel as if people only consider her to be useful because of them. Those powers are also part of her identity. El lost her powers after the Starcourt battle, so she wanted Mike to think that she was handling that in a good way, that she didn’t care and that she was thriving as a person who is friends with the popular crowd, has an active social life and as is adjusting perfectly to her new surroundings. But why did El thought her being part of the popular crowd will assure Mike she’s doing great when he’s “a nerd”? Maybe because she saw how that worked for Angela, and how she's popular with a boyfriend and with lots of friends, which are all signs of how society sees being "successful" in life is...

I see both Mike and El feeling useless but not for the same reasons. I mean, they are both focusing on El’s powers though, but the reasons why are very different. Does that makes sense?

Although, El did say that she was different to Mike, and that she felt like a monster, as well as how Mike looked at her as such when they were at Rink-O-Mania. 

So, in that sense, Will's words in the van could apply to her? At least the “being different” part. But the “feeling like a mistake” part does not correlate with El’s feelings at all, as well as the part of Mike making her feel like she’s not a mistake and what goes on after that. It does not make sense with the things we’ve seen and how El behaves. 

So, I would say Will's words partly apply to El, but not completely.

At the end of the day, Mike told El that he “loves” her after being encouraged by Will, and he obviously used Will’s words as inspo for the monologue he delivered to El, and that “encouraged” El to push Vecna away from Max.

I'm saying all this cause El already expressed her feelings to Mike on how she felt different and like a monster (mostly because she thought she murdered all those children back in Hawkin's lab), followed by who Mike never says that he loved her. She never expressed how Mike's love makes her feel like she's not a mistake or anything though. Those are Will's words entirely. If you compare this to how Mike feels insecure and that being the reason why he apparently never said that he loved her, it doesn't make a lot of sense, cause El never seemed to not express herself to Mike cause she feels "insecure". If anything, El has become very vocal and outspoken.

Lastly, even if El is still in love with Mike, she’s allowed to feel mad with the person she loves and is allowed to feel betrayed or mad or lied to, which correlates with the way most Bylers have theorized on why she looks displeased with Mike and everything at the end of Vol 2.

So, lots of possibilities in here.

You have brought a good point @wakeupthemembersofbylernation; thank you. All your thoughts after The Piggyback script was released are very valid and objective.

I hope you liked this unprompted analysis that nobody asked for, lol. People! Feel free to add and comment, of course.

[hyrtwynwrites]

[Spoilers!] Light's Falle Timeline

Updated 18 July 2024

Note: Links only go to the first chapter referenced per day - e.g., a link on Ch.12-15 will go to Chapter 12.

Key

AM - Astral Moon

UM - Umbral Moon

SQ - FFXIV Canon Timeline Dates

LF - General Light's Falle Dates

GP - Book 1: Gridanian Prelude

WT - Book 2: White Towers, Deep Waters

OT - Book 3: An Oasis at Twilight

Timeline

6th Astral Era

1 4th AM 1527: Vivail Aikiria is born. [LF]

ca. 1535: Papalymo Totolymo and Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn are born. [SQ]

4 5th AM 1536: Aebba Falle is born. [LF]

ca. 1545: Y'shtola Rhul and Thancred Waters are born. [SQ]

ca. 1546: Yda Hext is born. [LF]

ca. 1549: Kan-E-Senna and Adalberta Sterne are born. [SQ]

ca. 1550: Jacke Swallow is born. [SQ]

ca. 1552: The Ala Mhigan Civil War begins. [SQ]

22 1st UM 1556: Yenifer Falle is born to Aebba. [LF]

ca. 1557: Ala Mhigo is conquered by the Garlean Empire. [SQ] Yenifer and her mother escape Ala Mhigo. [LF]

ca. 1558: Yenifer and Aebba settle into life in the Gridanian hamlet of Quarrymill along with other Ala Mhigan refugees. [LF]

ca. 1562: The XIVth Legion is defeated in the Battle of Silvertear Skies. [SQ]

ca. 1572: The events of Final Fantasy XIV 1.0; Dalamud falls, unleashing Bahamut and the 7th Umbral Calamity. [SQ] Kan-E-Senna leads the Gridanian element at the Battle of Carteneau. [GP Ch.32] Aebba is killed during the Calamity. [LF]

7th Umbral Era

Year 5

18 2nd UM: The start of Light's Falle and Gridanian Prelude; Yenifer digs a ditch outside of Quarrymill and makes a fateful decision. [GP Ch.1]

24 2nd UM: Yenifer leaves Quarrymill for Gridania, joining the Lancers' Guild and encountering her rival, Foulques, for the first time. [GP Ch.2-9]

32 2nd UM: Yenifer is recruited by the Twin Adders to assist in a manhunt. [GP Ch.10]

3 3rd AM: Yenifer meets Scions Yda and Papalymo for the first time, and finds her Crystal of Light. [GP Ch.10-12]

11 3rd AM: Yenifer encounters Foulques for the second time, and stumbles into what would be called the Battle of Spirithold; she experiences her first Echo vision in the aftermath. [GP Ch.13-16]

29 3rd AM: Yenifer has her spear taken for repairs, and has a brief altercation with gawking Gridanians. [GP Ch.17-18]

30 3rd AM: Yenifer has her third encounter with Foulques after he kidnaps a Guild member. She finds herself stumbling into aiding the Gridanians in a battle against the Ixal. Yenifer has her first encounter with a Paragon, only narrowly surviving, and for her heroism is made Emissary. [GP Ch.19-29]

31 3rd AM: Yenifer fulfils the role of Emissary for the Greenbliss, but an Echo vision interrupts the ceremony. [GP Ch.30-31]

32 3rd AM: Yenifer is made Envoy of Gridania, and is dispatched by its leader, Kan-E-Senna, to deliver vital missives across Eorzea; end of Gridanian Prelude. [GP Ch.33-34]

ca. 3rd AM: Legatus Gaius van Baelsar of the Garlean XIVth Legion makes an inspection of Castrum Occidens. [GP Epilogue]

1 3rd UM: Yenifer arrives in Limsa Lominsa and delivers Kan-E-Senna's missive to its leader, Merlwyb; she also makes the acquaintance of several locals, most notably the rogue, Jacke, the Scion, Y'shtola, and the marauder, Vivail. Yenifer and Vivail are recruited by Y'shtola for an adventure to the Sastasha Seagrove to begin the following morning. [WT Ch.1-9]

2 3rd UM: Yenifer, Y'shtola, and Vivail travel to the Sastasha Seagrove; while investigating, Yenifer and Vivail become separated, and together fight through a pirate stronghold to liberate kidnapped civilians. Reunited afterwards, the three return to Limsa Lominsa, where Yenifer says her goodbyes to them, and to Jacke. Vivail is recruited by Y'shtola to join the Scions. End of White Towers, Deep Waters. [WT Ch.10-Epilogue]

2-3 3rd UM: While en-route to Ul'dah, Yenifer is incapacitated by the Echo, and is treated frantically by the airship's crew. Lost in the vision, Yenifer accidentally enters the memory - and then the present - of an Ala Mhigan, Arenvald. Surprising them both, Arenvald is able to see her in the vision, and strikes her, jolting her awake. [OT Prologue-Ch.1]

3 3rd UM: Yenifer arrives in Ul'dah and encounters yet another Scion, Thancred, while trying to get her bearings. Yenifer is abused by Brass Blade mercenaries after she attempts to save the life of a fellow refugee, and is in turn saved by the Miners' Guild's master, Adalberta. When Adalberta asks Thancred to investigate the Copperbell Mines going silent, Yenifer forces the Scion to take her along. Thancred allows her presence, but goes to recruit an ally of his for the mission as insurance: Arenvald. [OT Ch.2-13]

[jules-has-notes]

Road Trip — VoicePlay music video

The life of touring musicians can be stressful. Like anyone else in the midst of a long drive in a cramped vehicle, they can get on each other's nerves and argue over what music to play. With this dramatic comedic reenactment, VoicePlay gives their audience a peek inside the tour van. After years of performing this medley / theatrical sketch, they finally got a chance to record a professional video in a live setting during the 2014 Sing-Off tour.

Details:

title: Road Trip

original songs / performers: [1:30] "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" by Tiny Tim; [1:50] "Orinoco Flow" by Enya; [2:05] "Cum On Feel the Noize" by Quiet Riot; [3:12] "Big Shot" by Billy Joel; [3:24] "I Wanna Rock" by Twisted Sister; [3:33] "Voices Carry" by ’Til Tuesday; [3:50] "Shout" by Tears For Fears; [4:06] "Why Can't We Be Friends?" by War; [4:15] "That Smell" by Lynyrd Skynyrd; [5:10] "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" by Chicago; [6:34] "We Just Disagree" by Dave Mason; [6:54] "Royals" by Lorde

written by: "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" by Al Dubin & Joe Burke; "Orinoco Flow" by Eithne "Enya" Pádraigín Ní Bhraonáin & Roma Ryan; "Cum On Feel the Noize" by Noddy Holder & Jim Lea; "Big Shot" by Billy Joel; "I Wanna Rock" by Dee Snider; "Voices Carry" by Robert Holmes, Aimee Mann, Michael Hausman, & Joey Pesce; "Shout" by Roland Orzabal & Ian Stanley; "Why Can't We Be Friends?" by Papa Dee Allen, Harold Ray Brown, B.B. Dickerson, Lonnie Jordan, Charles Miller, Lee Oskar, Howard E. Scott, & Jerry Goldstein; "That Smell" by Allen Collins & Ronnie Van Zant; "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" by Peter Cetera & David Foster; "Royals" by Ella "Lorde" Yelich-O'Connor & Joel Little

arranged by: Geoff Castellucci

release date: 22 May 2014

My favorite bits:

Layne's deliberately-obnoxious-sibling energy when he re-locks the door the second time.

five grown men making vroom-vroom noises and other sound effects as part of their job

Tony singing ♫ "Why? Why? Why?" ♫ in annoyance instead of ♫ "wild, wild, wild" ♫, and his smug smile at cutting off Eli's accompaniment

Eli excitedly throwing the horns only to be met with Tony's completely unenthusiastic "rawk". 😒

Geoff's growl note as Eli's "shout"ing wakes him up

Eli watch the rooOAAAD!!!

professional singers using their talents to set up and deliver an elaborate fart joke (I am completely serious. It's magnificent.)

Earl's adorable muppet snoring 💤 , and his bashful expression as he apologizes

Tony wiping the pretend aerosol spray off his face (whatever it may be… air freshener? hairspray? breath freshener? floor wax? dessert topping?)

the pitch pipe / seat belt alarm gag — such a clever way to reset after the evacuation interlude

and, of course, Layne's incredible solo

Trivia:

Layne sometimes changes the song he busts out at the end in an attempt to make the other guys laugh and break character. I've found audience recordings where he goes with "Baby" by Justin Bieber, "Hello" by Adele, and "Let It Go" from Frozen.

VoicePlay have been performing and refining this medley / skit since their 4:2:Five days. The earliest full version I've found is from 2010, with Ryan and Danny in the front seats, but an even earlier clip appeared in their 2009 promo video.

They did make an in-studio version with a real car in 2013. It's currently only available through their Patreon.