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peachyproserpina · 4 years ago

Text

Silk Shorts

Blaise (Del Taco Guy) X Fem!Plus size! Reader

TW: oral m receiving, anxiety, crying, weight mention, self harm, crying, yelling, dry heaving, vomiting, self hate, insecurities, clothes shopping, daddy kink, body worship, angst with fluff

If I miss a tag please let me know!

Blaise is the beautiful brain child of @glassbxttless who is spoiling me and letting me write for her AU. This was only supposed to be a cute little blurb and now it's a 4000 word brain child. Please enjoy this, it was super cathartic to write.

He’s heard you sigh for what feels like the fith time today, and jesus, he fucking loves you but it’s starting to get on your nerves. It’s barely noon and you're all spread out on the carpet in his office floor. Wearin that cute pink nighty set he’s seen you in and out of a million times by now. He watches your shoulders tense up and he just knows you’re about to let out ANOTHER sigh and he snaps his laptop shut a little too loud making you jump. Looking over your shoulder at him behind his desk all guilty.

“Sorry Daddy.” It’s a half assed apology but he can see that you’re still holding that tension in your shoulders. Blaise raises an eyebrow at you as he lights up a cigarette and pats his lap, wanting you to cuddle up to him. You shake your head and go back to lookin at your phone. He doesn’t like being told no, even if it’s coming from you. Especially when he can feel you too much in your own head. You’ve been together for a year now and he knows you, the whole emotions and ‘i love you’ part is pretty new to you both but he knows when you’re worrying over something just as much as you know the moment he calls you without a text or steps in the door he's had a shit day. “Honey, you know better.”

He exhales and watches the way you twist to look over to him again, admiring the way the little lacy shorts get eaten up by your big thighs and the way that soft patch of stomach can be seen when you’re all relaxed like this. He feels his cock stir in his pants and he palms it. Willing it to wait until he knows what exactly is going on.

You’re caught, you knew you should have stayed out of his office, but he’s been on the other side of the country and the big apartment he got for you is well… Too big, without him there smoking and taking up all the room and fucking you full every half hour. You worry your lip between your teeth and you get yourself up, cringing when you feel the way your thighs jiggle and your tits move when you walk over to him. Now that he’s home you don't wanna be away from him but you’ve been trying to go clothes shopping and it’s never a pretty endeavor. With the way you’re built and the way you’re bigger than most it feels like a fruitless impossible task, nothing ever fits right, if they have your size it's only online, and you can’t even try it on to make sure it does fit right! Let alone if you want something cute you have to pay an arm and a leg for it. Not that you couldn’t just ask Blaise for some extra cash, but as silly as it is, you don’t wanna bother him for it. Because if you tell him what it’s for he’ll wanna come with and that's a whole other thing.

Blaise sees the way you’re stuck in your own head and you get comfortable between his outstretched legs, you squish a cheek against his thigh, you’re so fucking close to his cock he might lose his mind. He takes a good look at you and the app you have open on your phone and when he sees the flashing lights for an ad “20% off when you sign up!” and the rows and rows of dresses he cocks his head again. Stubbing out his cigarette he wraps one of those big warm palms around your jaw and gives you a little shake, causing you to look up at him all starry eyed.

“You need some new clothes baby?” He asks, hand still wrapped around your jaw, making you pout in the cutest way. He watches your eyes flick down before meeting his and you nod just a little bit. You’re anxious, he can feel it beat off you in waves and you are biting your cheek, he can feel the way you're going at it through your cheek. You’ve never been shy to ask him for money before, for anything, not that you asked him for all that much before anyway, just to help you cover tuition and ubers, the occasional nail appointment. Now that he’s thinking about it he doesn’t know if you’ve ever asked him for clothes money, and now that he’s thinking real hard about it he’s trying to remember the last time he’s seen you in something new. He was usually too preoccupied with taking your clothes off to really notice, but it’s been a year now and even when he takes you out it’s usually the same rotation of those cute lil club dresses with different shoes. He feels like an idiot for not picking up on this sooner, you’re his girl, you’ve been his baby since he laid eyes on you. But you’ve got him so drunk on your kitty and wrapped so tight around your finger he didn’t pick up on this.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He’s pulling you up closer to his crotch, and now he can see down your shirt and there’s not stopping his cock from getting hard now. You slip out of his grasp and lick your lips as you start to work his belt off, it’d be impossible to not notice how hard he was. You work his slacks down and press feather light kisses over his clothed cock before pushing your face down hard and starts working his briefs down as well. You wrap your lips around the head of his cock and he hisses while you give him those fucking puppy dog eyes that he knows is going to kill him one of these days. You work him deeper into your mouth and let out a noncommittal hum, Blaise drops his head back against his chair when you do that and groans. You’re nestled against the base of him now and he’s fucking panting, you’re sooo fucking tight for him, it doesn’t matter how many times he fucks your throat raw, you’re always sooo tight and- ”Fucking perfect sugar. Make me cum then we’ll get you dressed and hit the town.” He feels you freeze for a moment before you fondle his balls in that way only you do and he’s gone again.

You’re really nervous, you’re nervous when you get dressed, opting for something you can slip in and out of easily. You’re nervous when Blaises kisses you nice and deep, basically tonguing your tonsils while you both wait for his car. You’re especially nervous when you’re pulling up to the mall, you’ve never been to this mall before, knowing they probably don't carry your size in any of these stores. You’re trying to let on too much, Blaise actually looked excited for this, excited to go out with you, excited to ‘have such easy fuckin access to you Princess.’ But you can’t feel much beyond this dread you always get and how sweaty your palms are. Blaise helps you out of the car before you tuck your arm into his and follow into what might as well be your funeral.

The mall is, well a mall, no matter how many name brand and designer stores are crammed into it you’ll always be able to smell the pretzel place and there’s always some teens who should probably be in school around. You let Blaise lead the way, he can’t remember the last time he took someone shopping, must have been years ago, when he first started doing what he’s doin, when he finally got some money in his name and wanted to impress whoever was nearby. He’s chatting your ear off while he walks you into the first clothing store he sees. It’s chic, trendy, all neutral colors and boxy patterns. You walk around the store with Blaise at your side trying to fight off the rising panic in your gut, nothing is going to fit and Blaise is gonna finally realize you’re too fat for him and leave you. Even after he got that tattoo just for you, even after he’s whispered all those ‘I love you's' into your hair when he thinks you’re asleep.

You pick at some of the clothes, flipping over the tags and making faces. Blaise chalks it up to the fact nothing in this store looks like much your style and you’re thankful for when he kisses his spot on your neck and whisks you out of there and on a quest for something more your style. You’re in and out of what feels like 10 stores, with nothing more than some jewelry he caught you eyeing and asked him for. He tisked you but bought it for you, making you promise you’ll pick out some clothes once you find something you like. You’re on the other side of the mall by now and he feels you lag when you both pass by a lingerie store, nothing too gaudy or cheap in the windows. He knows expensive when he sees it and the lacework on the sets on display are just that. He’s watching your reaction, your eyes are darting over a lacy peachy set and he's imaging you in that set and he’s getting hard again. Leading you inside the store he feels you stiffen right before you both enter and he chalks it up to the wave of jasmine that wafts out when he opens the door for you.

Swallowing your nerves you enter the store you’ve been dreaming of going to for years, knowing damn well you wont fit into anything here, you’ve done the research, they don’t carry anything above a size 5 here and you’re trying not to cry as you walk in. You’re both greeted with a happy trill of a hello and she gives you the once over you’ve gotten your whole life, the once over that means ‘there's no way she can fit into anything in here’ you make your way into the belly of the beast.

Blaise is watching your intently, you can feel it and he knows you can, he knows you want something from this store and if he has to buy one of everything for you he is going to. All he wants to do is fucking spoil you like you deserve and he also maybe, might want to cum all over those pretty red shorts you’re feeling in between your finger tips. He steps up behind you and you jump a little when he nuzzles into your neck. His hands are trailing up your thighs, over your arms and feeling the silk between his fingers while letting out a little hum. You relax back into his chest, and press a kiss next to his Adam's apple. “I wanna see you in these baby, also wanna cover them in my cum after I tear through them to get to your juicy cunt.”

You gasp and turn around, your cheeks are heating up in embarrassment, not only for Blaise being so crass out in public, not that you expected anything less, but also because you know he’s never going to be able to see you in these. You press a hand to his chest and another to your cheek trying to stop and settle yourself.

“Daddy! You can’t say things like that in public.” You tap his chest for emphasis and roll your eyes when he gives you that look he always does before he eats you out for hours.

“Aw, you two are so cute! Shopping for your wife today sir?” The store attendant has managed to sneak up behind the both of you while Blaise was whispering filth in your ear. Blaise stiffens at the mention of a wife and shoots a glare at the attendant,

“Excuse me?” he turns fully to the attendant and she shrinks once he’s no longer crouching over you, you’re hiding behind him now, not wanting to deal with this just- wanting to go home. You know she’s about to say something stupid and you know you might have to pull Blaise out of here by the back of his suit jacket. She looks ashamed enough but she asks again-

“Are you two shopping for your wife today sir?” She gestures to you who is hanging onto Blaises arm, not only for your sake but also hers, Blaise runs a hand through his hair and you can see his shoulders tense.

“Do you see a ring on my finger? Do I look like im fucking married to you?” Blaise’s voice is starting to raise and the attendant takes a step back, raising her hands up in front of her, trying to diffuse the situation.

“No, sir I'm sorry- I just thought. You, she was your daughter you see.” Blaise goes stock still and you worry your lip between your teeth, you can feel the way he’s getting angry, you can see the way the red is creeping up over his turtle neck and into his face. He takes one big step forward and points at her.

“Now you listen here, she is not my daughter. Do I look old enough to have a daughter her age? You’ve got a fine fuckin establishment here and I don’t want to cause any fucking trouble so why don’t you get a fucking dressing room started for us and one of everything in her size.” He gestures to you during the last bit and you start to panic in full force. The attendant does that once over you’ve been getting at every store you’ve been into today and you know exactly what the next words out of her mouth are going to be.

“I- I can get that room started sir, but we don’t carry anything in her size.” She at least has the decency to look scared when she says it and Blaise blows up on her then.

“What the FUCK do you mean you don’t carry anything in her size? What like it’s fucking hard to do so?” He picks up those shorts you were eyeing and looks at the price. “You have the fucking nerve to charge four hundred and eighty fuckin’ dollars for a pair of shorts and you can’t carry them in my baby’s fucking size? What kind of bullshit is that?” He keeps going and you’re tugging on his sleeve, trying to get him out of the store, trying so fucking hard to not let these tears that have been building up all day finally spill over in public like this. Blaise is in full swing now, asking questions, and hounding this poor woman to death, digging his cell phone out of his pocket to start making calls, because he has a fucking number for every situation and apparently this is one of those.

“Can we just go?” You’re trying to get his attention, embarrassed and needing to go home before more of a scene can be made. The attendant has gone ghost white as he lays into her and this whole store and you just leave, you can feel the tears start to slip and you need to be out of this fucking awful jasmine induced nightmare so you can breathe. You make your way out of the store while you can feel the tears track down your face, knowing you look like a mess while leggy blondes and brunettes with arms full of bags point, whisper, giggle, behind their hands at you while you try to find the closest fucking place to cry. Closest fucking place to maybe drown yourself and never have to fucking go through this again, never have anyone ever have to deal with this again. You see a restroom and hurry to it, thanking whoever was listening that it was just a single room, no stalls, no way for anyone else to come in and hear you cry yourself sick yet again.

You shut the door behind you and lock it tight before you’re curling in on yourself, sobs tearing out of your chest while you try to hold it together. You didn’t want to do this, you knew it was going to be a fucking disaster. It always is, it’;s easier to stay home and order whatever online and hope it fits. You’re fucking fat and there’s no changing it, you pinch your thighs till you feel the sting of blood bubble to the surface, these fucking thighs that you hate, that make it impossible to fit into skirts, dresses, pants. You’re trying to muffle your cries as you drag your nails up up up over your stomach, round and big, and awful. You know you’re not worth his love of affection, worth anyone's love of affection with a body like this. You watch the red welts bloom from where you’ve dragged your nails angrily over your skin and you sob so hard you feel like you might throw up.

You’re so caught up in your self tirade of hate that you haven’t even noticed the banging on the bathroom door, haven’t heard the panicked yells of Blaise on the other side, he’s never heard you cry like this before and his blood is running cold thinking it’s his fault, thinking he’s made such a scene, embarrassed you so much he’s caused you to cry. He gives up on getting you to open the door before he’s trying to knock it down. It takes a good three times before he’s kicked the door in and he sees you and his heart breaks then and there. You’re dry heaving into the toilet, face puffy and eyes red from crying, he can see the little drops of blood running down your thighs and the way your top is rucked up with the welts peaking through.

“Princess. Comere.” He goes to pick you up and you hold your hand up, stopping him in his tracks, shaking your head back and forth as you try not to vomit in front of him. You look over at him start crying all fresh, you can see how fucking scared he looks, how concerned he is for you and it makes you sick to your stomach.

“Just, go home Blaise.” your voice is hoarse from all the crying and you're mumbling it more into the toilet then to him. His heart breaks at that, he won’t just leave you and he loves it when you say his name. But he never wanted to hear it like this, hear it between hiccups of sadness instead of pleasure like you usually say it.

“I’m not just going to leave you baby-” he takes a step closer and kneels down on the tile with you, you let out a huff and roll your eyes, mumbling a quiet ‘you should’. He hears it and places a hand on your back, you tense up and he almost takes it back before he thinks twice, knowing how much you love, need, want, beg him to always touch you. “I didn’t catch that honey.” You let out a sigh before you look over at him properly.

“Just, leave now Blaise. Leave me now and go get that tattoo covered up and find someone actually worth your time. Because I’m not.” You husked out, throat raw hoarse. How you manage to have fresh tears running down your face is beyond your comprehension, but they’re there and he’s wiping them away as fast as they come.

“Why would I do that bunny? I love you to death.” You stiffen at the admission and worry your lip between your teeth.

“I’m just not, I -” you struggle to find the words that have been in the back of your mind and the tip of your tongue since you started this arrangement. “I’m too fat for you Blaise, you need to be with some supermodel, teeny tiny Instagram influencer, someone who can fit into all the shit you wanna buy em. Not someone like me who ends up shopping at fucking second hand stores and Wal-Mart.” It feels good to get the thought out that you’ve been harboring this whole time, it’s like breaking a fever, ripping off a bandaid, it stings and hurts now but it’s better for everyone involved to know the truth.

This whole tirade Blaise has been listening, but he doesn’t know if he’s ever felt more lost in his life. He has no fucking clue what you’re going on about, he has never once thought about leaving you from the moment you wrapped your lips around his cock. He never once thought you were fat, he was always so caught up in the way you looked under and over him and how fucking hard you make him cum to think about anything other then how much he loves all of you. He pulls you in tight to his chest and presses kisses to the top of your head while you dig your fingers into him and cry anew. He sits and waits for you to finish, or the hiccups to stop, for your breathing to get heavy and slow, even. He pulls back cradling your face between his palms before pressing a tiny kiss to your lips. You close your eyes and enjoy his touch, committing it to memory, figuring it’s going to be the last.

“Your brain is too big for its own good, ya know that sweets?” Blaise breaks the silence in the bathroom with that and you feel like this afternoon hasn’t been real. You look up at him all puzzled, lost as to where he’s gotten that thought. You go to ask him about it before he shushes you with a tender kiss. “Baby, I- you’re not fat.” You roll your eyes and give him a look that almost makes him feel sheepish. He squishes your cheeks together making you pout before pressing kisses all over your face.

“Okay, yes you are fat. But that doesn’t change the fact I'm in love with you.” He laces his fingers together at the back of your neck and keeps eye contact with you. “I don’t give a fuck how much you weigh or what size you are. I love you, every single fucking part of you. I love the way you feel when you cuddle up with me. I adore the way you feel under my hands, I love the fact I can rest my head on you and feel comfortable. I-” he’s getting lost in the thought of the first time you trapped him between your pillowy thighs and he’s getting hard. You can feel him getting hard under you and you huff out a breath. You go to pull away and he’s pulled back to the present. He tightens his grip and focuses back on you.

“You’re not too fat for me. I don’t want anyone but you, I will never want anyone but you.” He says it with such conviction it makes you start to tear up again, finally, maybe, believing him a little. “Sorry for dragging you out here love, I should have picked up on the fact you didn’t want to come.” You shake your head and press a kiss to his palm.

“It’s okay. Can we just go home?” you plead, Blaise nods, helping you up and sending a text for his driver to be ready by the doors ASAP. Once your home Bliase sheds you out of your clothes before laying you down in the middle of his big bed and kissing what must be every fucking inch of your skin, paying close and tender attention to the spots where you dug your nails in deep enough to bleed. He’s never been this soft to you and before you both know it you’re out like a light, exhausted from all the emotions.

It’s not even a week later when someone rings the bell to your apartment, you buzz them in, figuring it’s one of your friends stopping by to say hi or needing help with homework. It’s not until there's a knock and you answer the door and what has got to be a small army of delivery people with so many packages you’re getting dizzy. You direct them to the living room, and they’re piling up and you’re starting to freak out a little. It isn’t until you see Blaise’s driver with a little envelope addressed to “Baby” in his chicken scratch. You thank him and sit on the counter opening the letter.

“Baby girl,

I know last week was rough on you. I went ahead and ordered you some stuff, well I sent my stylist out and ordered you some stuff to your measurements. I know that this doesn’t fix everything but I hope it’s a start and as soon as I’m home I will make sure you know just how much I love you and how perfect you are.”

#blaise x reader #peachy writes #blaise x plus size reader #plus size reader #tw daddy kink #tw crying #tw self half #tw selfhate #tw angst #angst and fluff #tw vomit #LOLOLOL THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A CUTE LITTLE THING

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noroi1000 · 2 years ago

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Hi can I request a romantic male jjk matchup please? Here’s my details

• bisexual

• She/her

• Height: 5’0”

• personality type: INFP

• Age: 24

• I have originally dark brown (almost black) wavy hair but I bleached all of it recently so it’s now platinum blonde and I’ve kept it short for years (it’s now in a wolfcut style). I have dark brown eyes and a light to tan skin. My style varies from moment to moment. Sometimes I like wearing clothes with light colors (imagine Lana del Rey vibes) and sometimes I like wearing clothes with a dark aesthetic (my friends told me I look like an egirl one time). I like animals and would like to have a pet cat or dog someday

• Personality:

I could say I’m a really sensitive person. I feel a lot, especially empathizing with other people. And because of this, I find it hard to conceal whatever I feel.

I also enjoy observing people and their body language. I kinda hate small talks so I don’t usually don’t interact with people I know. However, my friend told me that they notice that people get attracted to me (both platonically and romantic) and I make friends that easily if I want to.

I’ve learned that you can’t please everyone, so I usually do whatever I want and ignore other people cuz we’re all gonna die eventually so why bother think about what others think. I’m usually loud around my friends but I try to be more soft-spoken towards adults, but I also don’t let anyone belittle or manipulate me and cut the interaction right there if I sensed that they’re doing that, even adults. I also believe that it doesn’t matter if you share your blood. If they disrespect you, I also give the same disrespect back, even for adults. People often think that I’m this reserved person and can’t do any harm, but I’m actually the opposite but of course I would cause harm if it’s really necessary, like for attaining justice. And since I have a strong sense of justice, I don’t condone wrong doings. So if someone, even a family member, does something bad that affected other people, I will do whatever it takes for that person to get what they deserve and more.

I love hanging out with people that I could talk with everything and nothing at the same time. Like we could joke about anything random but talk about philosophy or psychology next. The recent topic I’m interested the most is about ethics and morality and questions about what is right and wrong. I don’t mind pda, but I don’t really do it that often. My love language is just hanging out and do whatever like watching movies, going somewhere, or just talking. I also like giving gifts and also appreciates so much if someone gave me gifts.

My hobbies are drawing, playing guitar, singing, making resin stuff, reading, playing chess, cooking, and sometimes writing.

Also, I have a big fascination about death and the concept of it. I think that concept is really beautiful no matter what culture the concept is from.

Thank you very much!

I think your Jujutsu kaisen matchup is

Choso

Choso is a calm person. Even if he has someone to talk to, he rarely does. He's more secretive.

Even among friends or family, he won't talk much. Often times, he doesn't show his emotions at all. However, his relatives know him, they know that he is a very affectionate person.

However, once his emotions get to the bottom of it, he can't hide it. Especially when it comes to his relatives. He will be sad or furious and he will not be able to hide it.

Very often he just ignores the people around him. He doesn't care what happens to them. Death is a natural thing. He knows that he cannot help them, and he would not like to help them either. Not everyone deserves it. The only people I want to protect are my loved ones. No one more.

He also doesn't care what others think about him. They may say that he acts strange, looks strange. If someone accepts him as he is, he will be better for that person. He may find it very valuable.

He can only be louder for close people. If he is only with them, he can smile and play. (Even though he'll be a little calmer anyway)

He is soft to everyone who is close to him. But he hates even family members who hurt someone close to him. He can hate with all his heart.

When he loves someone, he does it as hard as he can. If he hates someone, that's also the case. A hated person cannot be respected.

He will not allow anyone to hurt his relatives, and he will not allow himself to be manipulated to accidentally hurt them. He doesn't want this.

He causes fear among people. He's just the way he is. Emotional, dispassionate, looking as if he wants to die or kill others, he calls. Sometimes they think he's weak because he looks like it. In fact, sometimes they are scared and sometimes they are not. It depends on the person.

He doesn't care what he has to do to the person he hates. He will protect loved ones. He also doesn't care what happens to someone. He would piss him off with something once, and he would certainly not be enjoyable meeting them. He will only try to hurt this person at all costs in order to bring justice.

He doesn't tolerate hurting other people. So even if he's a family member, he's going to make him feel even worse. But he couldn't hurt his younger siblings. They are always calm and nice about him. They love their older brother.

He also would like to have someone he can always trust and trust. Someone who can light up his life.

Headcanon:

• He could never hurt you. He believes that you make everything clear and that you also defend your beliefs. That you protect others around you, no matter who they are.

Even if you defend him. He would like to smile and cheer you on, but he will never leave you alone. He himself will protect you while you want to protect him.

He will be the enforcer for your justice.

• While he doesn't look, he is able to smile and joke. Really. All he need is the right people. Just the right people.

Even though it may seem that he has nothing interesting to say, especially funny, he may be doing something that will make you laugh. Even if not, he'll laugh at what you're laughing at. Talking to him is not so boring.

But talking to him about more serious topics is interesting. He could talk about the meaning of life and also (when you start this topic) about morality, ethics and what is good and bad. He may not know it, but he says everything as he thinks. He presents his views and will also gladly listen to yours.

• You can do whatever you want with him in any company. You can touch him, and if you don't want to, don't. Your touch is for him like a pleasant form in the pain of life. But it won't force you to do it everywhere.

When you don't mind, when you are walking, he will hold your hand or wrap his hands around you. Only the moment he knows he won't bother you.

If he could choose where to go, he would choose nice places where there aren't many people. Peaceful walks, quiet restaurant or whatever.

He would like to spend time with you always, no matter what. And he also does this to show you that he cares about you. He will do whatever you want for you.

He only does what you like. He does not force you to do anything and pays attention to what you feel comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with.

But he really wants you to like hugging him and showing him physical affection. His life is full of pain, and he would love you to soothe him as often as you can. Even if your mere presence makes him feel better.

• He can give you banal gifts and is also such a romantic… He only does what he knows. That's why he gives you gifts in the style of something you like, or sweet items, like a teddy bear, a pendant with a heart. (Don't worry, he probably won't bring you a pendant with a tiny bottle of his blood on it).

If you love him and he loves you, he would like to have some connection with you. It can even be something trivial like a matching pendant or whatever you want. (But if you want something weirder then go ahead)

• A fascination with death may be normal for him. If you are fascinated by death, you are fascinated by him. He is the only one of the nine pictures of death.

Despite the danger he poses to others, he is so soft to you that he is harmless. Needs a person who will think of him as someone with feelings and worry about him.

He just wants to hug and forget about the rest of his life.

• Everything you do is great for him. Any activity you like, you can also like it. It is important that she will be close to you.

"You're not afraid of me, are you? I would never want to hurt you. You are an important person to me. Thanks to you, I really feel alive."

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen matchups #anime matchup #jjk headcanons #jjk choso

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oswildin · 3 years ago

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Hi! can I please request a male!marvel ship?

⠀› I am a female, I use she/her pronouns! my sexuality is bisexual but I lean towards more to males.

⠀› I’m mix, Black and Filipino, I look more Asian though— I have black long straight/wavy hair and light tan skin.

⠀› my zodiac sign is Leo.

⠀› my personality : when you meet me I can come off reserved and quiet at first but once you get to know me I am very outgoing. I know how to keep a conversation going, to other people I am unique. I am a very intuition person, my gut instincts are sharp. My pride will be the death of me, I can be stubborn too also very determined. I am confident in myself physical and mentally [ even though I have my self conscious moments, I am human ] but most of the time I am happy with myself, others say it’s a superiority complex. My love ones always call me a Disney Princess. I also know how to have a good time and know when to joke around ! Although personally when it comes to something that bothers me I try to keep how I feel to myself, I don’t like being vulnerable to people unless it’s to my love ones or my closest friends that’s when I can be very emotional and forget that I am just one person and I am not always perfect. I am very loyal, especially when it comes to my family and friends. Whenever they need help I am always the first person they would rely on when they need advice or just someone to listen to them. I always want to make sure my love ones and friends feel important. Sometimes I would forget to take care of myself and always take their burdens and carry them like it’s the weight of the world and I always have to help them. Other than that in short, I am loyal, wise, confident, funny, stubborn, unique, independent and strong.

⠀› My hobbies / interests : I love working out / weight lifting, I love writing and creating my own characters, I love drawing as well, making water color portraits and my absolute favorite is reading!! I adore reading, it helps me learn how to write better and not only that it makes my imagination a lot better.

⠀› Favorite Marvel Film is, Thor: Ragnerok

⠀› My favorite song, I don’t really have a favorite I love a lot of songs from different Genre’s like indie rock, Alternative Pop, Hip Hop / Rap, + Rock. [ ex - Halsey, Lana Del Rey, Megan Thee Stallion, Melanie Martinez, Artic Monkeys + more ] But my favorite song in my head right now is, West Coast by Lana Del Rey.

⠀› What I tell others or myself is to “keep moving forward.” I live by that quote because no matter how hard life can be no matter how hard you are beaten down. Time will not stop, you gotta keep moving forward because that’s all you can do. If you focus too much of what’s behind you’ll miss what’s good in front of you. Reach your goals and always try your best, it’s okay to be down just don’t forget that you only get one life and you have to keep moving forward.

I ship you with… Loki Laufeyson!

Things Loki loves about you:

• The fact you are so stubborn. He hates it so much he loves it.

• You two didn’t start off great with clashing personalities.

• Most of the time you both spent together was arguments over stupid stuff that neither of you wanted to admit defeat over.

• There was clear tension between the two of you.

• It was only when he saw you with a book in your hand he was fully intrigued. ‘Wise choice’ he nodded to the book as you sent him a cautious look, waiting for him to make a snide comment, but he didn’t, walking off and leaving you alone.

• He began recommending books for you to read.

• Not long after, you were actually having conversations that weren’t arguments.

• He admired your wit and self-pride. Along with your independence.

• It was not a normal relationship as such, and it just kinda happened.

• Before long you two were almost inseparable, constantly reading beside each other or teasing the other avengers.

• Eventually he opens up to you, telling you about his mother and childhood growing up. It helped you understand him better. Growing that connection.

• If anyone makes a shady comment at Loki, they will know about it. You are always sticking up for him. Which he appreciates and thinks is sweet, even though he doesn’t care what they think.

• Loki tries to teach you how to use a dagger, which ends up going too well for his liking. ‘I fear I have created a monster’ ‘Listen, don’t get upset just because I’m better than you’ ‘Me upset over a mortal? Never’

• Sulking Loki. He would sulk like no tomorrow.

• But you’d always manage to make him smile in the end.

• You don’t always see eye to eye, but it works. That’s how you stay strong, because at the end of the day, you were one of the few that understood him.

Your BFF: Tony Stark - He calls you ‘princess’, which irritates Loki to no end, which is also why he continues to do it. He didn’t understand your guys relationship at first, and tried his best to meddle, but you once blew up at him, leading him to accept it. Again, you and Tony would often fight, but that’s what your friendship was like. He was like a father figure to you.

Your Theme Song:

#reader insert #loki imagine #loki laufeyson #loki #marvel imagine #loki laufeyson x reader #tony stark #marvel ship #character ship

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ladymorganella · 4 years ago

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The Fairy and the Sorcerer (Cedric x reader)

Cedric doesn’t know how to love and be loved feels like, he never really cared to have someone special in his life, until he met a curious fairy that would change that...

This is based on the song “La Leyenda del Hada y el Mago” by Rata Blanca.

Words: 2090

Warnings: a little bit of angst, nothing to sad tho

(This is my first time writting Cedric, I hope you liked it!)

_______________________________________________________________

"Have you ever had a girlfriend mr. Cedric?" The young princess asked out of nowhere. Her eyes opened widely in curiosity.

The sorcerer almost choked with his own saliva "I-" he thought it a bit "I believe that's none of your business, princess" he looked away, trying to avoid her stare.

"Is that a no?" Sofia chuckled silently. Cedric had no other choice than to admit it "Actually… yes, I haven't" he sighed looking down.

"Have you ever been in love?" The child asked again, full of curiosity.

"Yeah once, but she turned out to be a crazy fairy" he rolled his eyes remembering that pitiful day.

"Oh" she simply said "Mr. Cedric do you think-"

He cutted her off, getting up from his seat "I believe that's enough questions for today, Sofia" Cedric tried his best to not sound harsh, but he couldn't hide it. Talking about his love life always kind of bothers him. The fact that everyone saw him as little more than useless and that he decided to focus on different ways to prove himself didn't help him at all. Let's just say he's not the luckiest guy.

Cedric was convinced that he was meant to be a loner for the rest of his life, he thought no one could ever be capable to see the hopeless romantic he is deep down, he hasn't even had a chance to show it.

He doesn't know what to love and be loved back feels like.

Until that day…

Sofia took him on a tour to the Mystic Isles, she knew how much he desired to go there and, well, she just wanted to make her favourite sorcerer happy. Meanwhile, Cedric couldn't stop fanboying around, taking notes of everything new he found, just thinking about how lucky he is to be the first sorcerer to actually go to the Isles.

Then, they arrived to the Fairy Isle, there was nothing too interesting for him, but he still looked around in curiosity, Sofia had to go with Chrysta for "Protector stuff" so he had time to go around himself.

The sorcerer went into the forest with the only purpose to watch the flora of the place, that's when a soft humming caught his attention.

You were near the river edge, combing your hair and humming a sweet song to yourself, looking at your reflection on the water. Completely ignoring the fact that you were being watched by a curious sorcerer hiding poorly behind a tree.

He stared at you for a while, not knowing if he should approach you or just leave you alone. That's when you turned around and crossed glances with him, you jumped a little because you weren't expecting to be watched.

Cedric noticed this and immediately apologized "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shall leave now" he was about to turn around, but your curiosity spoke for you "No! Wait!" He looked at you again "Who are you? I haven't seen you around" you flew towards and landed right before him, you studied his features and noticed he didn't have any wings "You are not a fairy?"

Your curiosity kind of captivated him "No, I'm a sorcerer, Cedric the great, a pleasure" he bowed a little, that made you chuckle "And you are…?"

"You really are a sorcerer?!" You asked in awe "I've never thought I would meet one in my life. I'm Y/n, just a… fairy" you mimicked his bow.

"Well, I never thought I would be up here in the Mystic Isles" he said in a chuckle.

There was a silence. You were curious about him, you wanted to ask him all of your questions right away, but you didn't want to look like a freak, instead you decided to offer yourself to give him a tour around your island, and of course, Cedric accepted more than happy.

After that, you two became friends. He encouraged you to ask all the questions you had about the ever realm and he answered all of them gladly. Eventually, he warmed up and told you his story and you told him yours too. You discovered you two had a lot in common, more than you were expecting to, but most of all, you could see the great man he actually is.

Cedric would never miss an opportunity to go up there with Sofia just to see you. He didn't care if it was only for a short moment or a long walk in the woods, the sorcerer was more than happy to spend some time with you. He was falling for you, but he didn't want to admit it, he was convinced that a beautiful and lovely fairy like you was out of his league.

You became the second true friend he ever had, and he didn't want to lose you, that's why he decided to keep those feelings locked deep down.

One time, you decided to go to the ever realm to visit your favourite sorcerer, which gladly surprised him. Like you did with him some time ago, he showed you the kingdom, the palace and of course his workshop, where he made a quick demonstration of his magic. Even tho he was pretty nervous and afraid he would mess it all up, it went good, you liked it and that was all that mattered to him.

"Now I see why they call you Cedric the great" you mimicked his voice tone, but in a friendly way "you are truly great"

For a moment he stood there, frozen, he still didn't know what to do when someone actually compliments him "I know, it was time someone finally noticed, don't you think?"

"You know, I think I like it better here than the isles" you approached him. You felt like that was a good chance to tell him how you felt, but you didn't know how to.

He didn't believe what he heard and looked surprised at you "What? Why?"

You took a step closer, making him confused "Because you are here" you smiled, and took his hand, your heart was racing and you were scared because of his answer, but there was no going back.

By this time Cedric's mind was a mess, but that gave him a little hope. He was about to ask you something, but Baileywick entered without even knocking, looking worried and scared "Cedric, the king needs you, It's an emergency"

Both of you looked at him "Really? Now? What happened?" He asked with an annoyed tone, still holding your hand.

"Grimtrix escaped" Cedric's expression changed immediately, he let go of your hand and almost ran to the door, you followed him, but he stopped you before you stepped out of the workshop "Stay here" he commanded you and closed the door right before you. Of course you couldn't stay calm after that, you didn't know who this Grimtrix guy was but it sounded like someone dangerous and of course you didn't want Cedric to get hurt, so you got out of there flying through the window, looking for the man you secretly loved.

When you arrived to what looked like the throne room, there was a tall man with a large scepter having a magical fight with Cedric and the young princess. You hide behind a column, thinking in a way to help them, when the evil sorcerer cast a spell on Cedric's wand, making it useless.

Grimtrix, seeing Cedric was now vulnerable and incapable of counter, cast another spell, one you could recognize. It was a sleeping spell.

You didn't think it twice, you let your feelings control you, you flew as fast as you could to try to eradicate the spell, but something went wrong and the spell hit you instead.

Your body lose it's strength, your eyes closed slowly as you fell on the floor, the last thing you saw before closing them for what it could be forever was Cedric holding you and crying out your name.

After that, Grimtrix was defeated, but you still didn't wake up and Cedric was devastated by that. You, the most beautiful being his eyes had ever seen, his dear friend, the only one that accepted him knowing his past, his one and only true love, gave her own life to save his. And he didn't even tell her how much he loved her.

The simple fact of thinking that he lost you forever destroyed him.

But he knew you were alive, you just were immersed in an endless dream and Cedric decided he must find a way to wake you up. He locked himself up in his tower, spent whole days and nights looking and trying different spells on you hoping one of those would wake you. He barely slept and only ate when Sofia brought some food to him. He was desperate to wake you up and didn't care about anything else, not even himself.

The little princess took a closer look to your sleeping face "Do you love her, mr. Cedric?"

The sorcerer was focused on studying a spell, but he was also pretty much tired to lie "Yes Sofia, I love her" he answered without even looking at her "And I couldn't tell her, and still, she took the spell for me" he got up and approached you, he admired your face for a while and caressed your cheek gently "I wish I had told her" a single tear ran down his cheek.

Sofia never thought to see Cedric like that, he always seemed cold and distant with others and now he was completely devastated. She wanted to give him a happy ending too, but as much as she thought nothing came to her innocent mind.

Unless…

"Have you tried true love's kiss?" That question brought Cedric back to reality, he blushed hard and wiped the single tear he shed.

Cedric denied "No, I didn't" a slight pinch of hope invaded his system, he was willing to try it, he really, really, wanted to kiss you, but he was afraid you couldn't love him back and he would feel dirty because he took advantage of the situation, so he shook that thought out of his head "I don't think it works, I don't know if my feelings are reciprocated"

Sofia almost glared at him "I believe she does, she took the spell for you after all, there's no greater proof of love than risking your life for the other" she smiled innocently, doing her best to encourage him.

Cedric thought of it, he knew true love can be strong, but sadly, he never felt it before. Actually he never felt the way he felt around you before "Alright, I'll try it" he sighed with a slight dust of pink on his cheeks, Sofia smiled and clapped happily, hoping this works.

The sorcerer leaned towards your immobile body, slowly approaching your lips, he could feel your slow but constant breathing, in addition to your natural essence that only made him want you more. He closed his eyes and brought his lips softly to yours, parting almost instantly.

He looked at you again, but your eyes remained closed, the kiss seemed to have no effect on you "It didn't work" he said pitying himself. Now he felt worse, he felt dirty, sad and had a broken heart "I'm sorry y/n" he leaned on the plate where your body rested "you better go, Sofia, I want to be alone"

The little princess's eyes moistened, she nodded silently and left, leaving her friend to sink into his own sadness.

Suddenly, your broken, sleepy voice echoed in the sorcerer's ears "Cedric ...?" His name was the first thing you managed to articulate when you finally opened your eyes.

He looked at you in awe "Y/n ?!" all that bitterness he carried disappeared, when he saw you rejoin, with your beautiful eyes open and that smile that melted his interior "You are awake!" You threw yourself into his arms and this time it was you who claimed his lips, making sure the kiss was much longer and sweeter.

He was the first one to part, although, he didn't want to "I thought I had lost you forever" he cupped your face as you leaned into his touch, caressing your cheekbones gently, just admiring how beautiful you were.

You simply chuckled, looking dearly into his dark orbs "No... you're going to need more than a spell to get rid of me"

#sofia the first #sofia the fandom #cedric the sensational #cedric the great #cedric the sorcerer #cedric the sorcerer x reader #cedric x reader #princess sofia #cedric the sensational x reader

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Y'all Don't Even Care About Me (Biadore) - Whiskey Neat

A/N: I’m finally back! It’s been a while since I’ve written but I got struck with some random inspiration recently and this fic is the product of that. I also wrote out a whole outline for another fic today so hopefully that one will be coming soon. But yeah, here’s more Biadore angst *pretends to be shocked* I went a bit dialogue crazy in this one but I think it came together okay. Enjoy!

Summary: Adore gets caught up in her own head and Bianca expresses her feelings.

Things felt different since their conversation earlier. Adore had gone off about one of her exes yet again, which led to an even deeper discussion about how she felt that no one loved or cared about her.

The irony of it all was that she was having this conversation with the ONE person who had always been there for her no matter what.

There were countless examples of how well Bianca Del Rio treated her:

Who lent her money when she was running short? Bianca.

Who stood by her side no matter how much trouble her bad decisions put her in? Bianca.

Who held her hair back when she was feeling sick? Bianca.

But somehow Adore always ended up complaining that no one cared, and quite honestly, Bianca was sick of it. It was difficult hearing those words fall from the younger queen’s lips, as if all the things Bianca had done didn’t matter to Adore at all.

Deep down, Bianca knew Adore didn’t have ill intention when she seemingly overlooked her love and kindness. Adore often spoke from emotion rather than logic, resulting in her saying things she didn’t truly mean. Some days Bianca could look past it, other days it bothered her quite a bit…and today was one of those days.

She decided to make Adore aware of how disrespected she felt when she said those things. Adore denied ever overlooking her, leading to an exchange of heated words which resulted in the two not speaking for the rest of the afternoon.

*later that evening*

“Willow, can you help me make a design for my dress?” Adore asked hesitantly, hoping that Bianca’s anger from earlier had dwindled out over the past few hours.

“And why would I do that?” Bianca asked flatly from her seat on the couch. So much for the anger being gone…

“Because you love me?” Adore replied, putting on her most innocent pout.

“Do I?” Bianca asked, looking her dead in the eye.

Adore faltered, sensing that there was not one hint of humor in Bianca’s tone.

“…..d-don’t you?”

The silence that followed, on top of Bianca’s harsh glare filled the air with the most unbearable tension either of the two had ever felt.

As soon as those words left Bianca’s lips, Adore could swear she felt her heart drop into her stomach. Her eyes stung with tears and her legs suddenly felt weak as she stared back into Bianca’s icy brown eyes.

“You…you really don’t-“ Adore’s breath hitched, hot tears stinging her cheeks. The doubts spiraled around her brain and it felt far worse than the heartbreak any ex boyfriend had given her.

“Of course I fucking do! Don’t you get it?” Bianca exclaimed, unable to look at the complete and utter heartbreak on the taller queen’s face any longer.

“No. Apparently I don’t.” Adore said through tears, shaky legs carrying her to sit on the pale gray arm chair across from Bianca.

Bianca sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Can you please try to understand then?”

Adore shrugged, looking down at her chipped nail polish and picking at it.

“You come and talk all this bullshit to me about how no one cares about you, and no one loves you, bla bla bla. But do you not realize that I do?! Do you not realize that I would not sit there and listen to you if I didn’t care?”

“I didn’t mean-“

“No. Let me finish. I let you sleep in my room…not even just in my room, but in my bed when we’re on tour…whenever you want, drunk or sober. Hell, we even cuddle. I always answer the door or pick up the phone for you no matter how late it is or how tired I am because I want to know that you’re safe and that you’re okay. And when you’re not, I’ll listen to you talk and I’ll be your shoulder to cry on until you feel better. I would not do that for anyone else. I love my other friends but they know I’m not picking up the phone for them at 4 in the morning. Do you know why I do that for you though? Because I fucking care about you. I want to see you happy and I’ll do anything in my power to make sure that you are. Why? Because I fucking love you Danny.” Bianca ranted, pacing back and forth in front of Adore.

By this time a fresh wave of tears was cascading down Adore’s cheeks. She didn’t know what to say. Of course Bianca loved her, she knew that. She hardly ever doubted that until moments like the start of their fight a few minutes ago. Luckily for her, she had time to collect herself as Bianca continued before she had the chance to speak.

“So that’s why it bothers me when you tell me no one cares…when you’re literally talking to someone who does. Because it feels like all the things I do don’t even matter to you. And I know you don’t do it on purpose but fuck Danny…I just,” Bianca sighed, kneeling in front of Adore and taking her hands, “I just wish you would see how much I love you.”

Adore inhaled a shaky breath. “Of course it fucking matters Yanx…it all matters…so much. You mean everything to me…” She whispered with a soft sob.

Bianca lightly tugged at Adore’s hands until the younger queen joined her on the floor, engulfing her in her arms.

“That’s why I got so scared when you said that earlier. I thought I fucked up for real this time and I was gonna lose you for good…” Adore whimpered into Bianca’s shoulder, wrapping her arms in a death grip around her.

“I never meant to make you feel like that. Like I don’t appreciate you…or like what you do doesn’t matter. I think about it all the time and sometimes it just doesn’t feel real because no ones ever loved me like you do. And I’m scared-“ Adore’s voice wavered, “I’m so scared that one day you’re just gonna stop. That you’ll get sick of putting me back together and taking care of me and I’m so sorry Bianca, please don’t leave me!” Adore dissolved into sobs again.

“Hey no, I would never leave you. Where’s this coming from, Pussyface?” Bianca asked, realizing now that this was a lot deeper than she had originally thought.

“I just don’t get like…why would wouldn’t? I’m a fucking mess, Bianca. All the time. Don’t you get tired of it?”

“I get irritated sometimes, sure. But it’s never bad enough for me to want to abandon you. I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would make me want to do that. You’re too important to me Danny.”

Adore sighed shakily against Bianca’s chest, staying quiet and focusing on the sound of the older queens heartbeat.

“I’m serious. I would never ever abandon you…no matter how angry or annoyed I get. I want to see you happy and if you need my help I’ll be here. Always.” Bianca promised, rubbing her hand up and down the younger queen’s back.

“I know. I know you will…I just-“ Adore wiped her nose on her sleeve. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be.”

“Yes I do. I’m sorry I don’t tell you I appreciate you more…and I’m sorry for being so dramatic about this and about just like…everything? But I’m only like half sorry for doubting you so quick earlier.”

“I shouldn’t have given you a reason to.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. Don’t ever do it again, Bianca. That made me feel like the biggest fucking piece of shit ever.”

“What…are you gonna punish me if I do it again?” Bianca joked, with a smirk.

“It’s not funny!” Adore whined, desperately trying to hold back the smile that was creeping onto her lips.

“Okay! Okay…all joking aside, I’m sorry for that. It was bitchy even for me and I won’t ever do it again. I could literally see your heart breaking and that made ME feel like the biggest piece of shit ever.” Bianca replied. “Now can we quit all this sappy shit and just kiss and make up already?”

“But you never let me kiss you…” Adore pouted.

Bianca sighed, “Just this once.”

Adore sat up and pressed her lips against Bianca’s cheek. “I love you Yanx” she mumbled against the warm flesh. “I’m so glad I have you.”

#rpdr fanfiction #biadore #adore delano #bianca del rio #whiskey neat #angst #fluff #canon compliant #submission

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worldwidemochiguy · 5 years ago

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high by the beach (yandere! Namjoon)

@yn-dere (great url btw) requested:

High by the beach by lana del rey, namtiddies ( thi hoochie here could really use some inspo by amazing writers 😅✊🏼)

helloooo, sorry for taking like a billion years to do this lol but here u go, I just kind of wrote like a thousand words of an existential crisis, hope u enjoy!! and if u wanna read more then here is my masterlist :)

now playing: High By The Beach by Lana Del Rey

1:48 ────|───── 4:18

◁ II ▷|

∞ ↺

The weather is nice today. That was the thought that had been echoing through your mind whenever you attempted to rouse yourself from the numbness that surrounded you these days. An effort to be more alert simply resulted in you noticing the same things, trying to encourage your mind to leap into the analytical musings and dialogue that used to fill your head. The way you used to think before you met him.

You once saw Namjoon as a blessing. Indeed, it was like he descended from Heaven as the direct answer to all your prayers. You were struggling in college, both financially and emotionally, but the thought of dropping out terrified you because you had no safety net, and if you didn’t get a degree you would never get the chance to better yourself or secure a steady job. And in came Namjoon. Your vulnerability was a drop of blood in the ocean, and Namjoon was the shark that hunted you down.

You met him when he came in as a guest lecturer for your business class. Straight away, you were stuck by how confident he seemed, effortlessly commanding in a way you had never been able to, capturing the attention of the entire class with just a few, well-placed words. And of course, his looks only accentuated his natural charisma. Many of your classmates had tried to get his attention, but for some reason, he fixated on you. Nobody, worthless, introverted you. Looking back, you realise your vulnerability was exactly what he wanted. Namjoon wanted to mould you into the perfect doll for him to play with, and now you couldn’t truly bring yourself to care about any of it. All you could do was wait for him to discard you.

After around a month of ‘dating’, something happened to you. You came back to your dorm to find your purse, as well as many other valuables, gone without a trace. You knew you had no way of supporting yourself without any money, and the only person you could turn to… was Namjoon. He had pressured you to move in with him so that he could ‘take care of you’. His apartment was so far away from campus that commuting there took over an hour, and after Namjoon’s insistence that “It’s too much for you, darling. You just can’t handle it, but that’s ok, because I can take care of everything for you.” You dropped out of college.

Since then, you had gotten used to a new routine; waking up to Namjoon’s absence. He had to get up early for work, but he always left a small breakfast for you, accompanied by a note. You used to think the short messages were cute and romantic, but now they were just another baseless gesture to keep you satisfied, so you didn’t bother reading any of them. It didn’t matter, he never told you anything anyway.

Your days consisted of wandering around Namjoon’s luxury apartment, waiting for him to come back. Often, you would just zone out for hours, only checking back into reality once the door opened and Namjoon came to greet you. Obviously, he had noticed you starting to dissociate for large lengths of time, and declared that both of you needed a holiday. As if the cure for a lack of motivation and individual identity was a beach vacation.

Namjoon had flown the both of you to his private beach resort in Miami, but oddly, nothing much had changed. Namjoon still spent most of his days on his laptop or his phone. All that changed for you was that you had a larger ground to roam.

You came back to yourself after sinking into your memories. You had been trying to be more present in yourself, but you guess reminiscing was a better alternative to sitting mindlessly with no thoughts in your head. You wonder if Namjoon would agree, or if he would rather you have no agency at all. If that was what he wanted, he must be satisfied now.

You heard the sand shifting into crevices as someone neared, and sure enough, Namjoon was soon reclining beside you.

“How are you feeling today, darling?” He drawled, and you were surprised his voice wasn’t hoarse considering all the shouting he did down the phone.

“I’m feeling good.” You weren’t feeling anything.

“I’m glad. I only ever want you to feel good, princess. You have no worries now, right?”

“Of course not.” His self-assured tone would’ve made you want to contradict him and inform him that his controlling and smothering nature was the very thing that should be causing you distress, but you were just too numb to it by now.

In the distance, gulls cawed and squawked and fought over fish. The noises blurred and distorted like white noise as your eyes slipped shut. You felt like you could just forget everything, everything about your troubled past and the freedoms you had lost and the problems with your life now and just. Lie there. Namjoon’s fingers had found their way into your hair and were now massaging it, he was behind you, supporting your reclining back against his chest. You absently wondered when he had rearranged the two of you but didn’t linger on it — he had probably moved your limbs himself without asking. He tended to use your body a lot like that.

“Darling,” Namjoon’s warm breath brushed the shell of your ear and you sighed slightly, muscles loosening even more. “You know I love you more than anything, right? I’ll never let you want for anything, you have everything you need with me.”

He was right. There was nothing you could need that he couldn’t provide, every urge was satisfied completely but that only cheapened the sensation and caused the yearning for human interaction grow stronger. It was easier for you to slip into complacency than it would be to realise the gaping abyss of loneliness within you. Namjoon helped you forget all of that emptiness. He even helped you forget that he was the cause of that emptiness.

“I love you.” He told you, and the words layered themselves over a billion other versions of the same declaration in your mind, overlapping until the noise became too loud to bear, and screamed itself into silence. His hands tightened slightly when you took too long to reply, your thoughts crashing over you like waves.

“I love you too, Namjoon.” The words tasted stale in your mouth.

Namjoon hummed in satisfaction, leaning back to look at the view of the sunset over the golden horizon. The spilled yolk of the sun was too harsh to bear, and you let your eyes instead rest on the ripples of waves in the distance. The tide rolled back and forth, eroding the sand again and again, like it would carry on forever. Encased in Namjoon’s arms, you watched as the years passed by in a second, and you wouldn’t even notice the change because they were all the same. Lying there, you saw your life played out, repeating over and over until you finally start sinking into the sand.

send me a song and a member and I'll listen to it and write a oneshot

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fic #namjoon #rm #bts namjoon #bts rm #yandere #yandere bts #yandere namjoon #kim namjoon #namjoon x reader #bts self insert #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts x reader #high by the beach is such a good song ughhh

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edengarden · 4 years ago

Note

Hello Lovely! Have come to request a BNHA matchup this time. I hope that it isn't a bother. I changed up my attributes a bit so here it is.

Appearance:

I stand 185 cm (about 6ft) and I weigh about 70 kg (154.3 lbs.). I have a slightly muscular built with a top hourglass type. I have short blonde hair with light blue highlights and blue eyes. I have light brown skin with a few scars and moles here and there.

Attitude:

I'm an INFJ-A, Ravenclaw, and an Aquarius. I'm the mature one in the friend group. Often times I am described as the "mom" friend and I believe that I am. People tend to describe me as intimidating at first glance. That is partly because of my height and my resting Bitch face. I tend to be quite cold, quiet, and distant at first. I have major trust issues and it takes a while for me to warm up to a person. However, I am very versitile went it comes to who I hang out with. My patience is very long and it takes a while for me to get annoyed or angry.

With those I am close with, I tend to be more talkative and open. I act as the role model and I love to help everyone. I tend to fake emotions when I talk with people. I'm insecure but no one really sees that side of me. Well, I don't often feel insecure but that's that. I'm that type of person that you will always see with a smile. And it would never falter, even at the worse times. A key attribute of mine is my ability to read people. I can read almost anyone like an open book! It's an amazing talent really.

Music taste:

I love all types of music. But I love pop, ballad, and classical more than anything! Or basically anything I can dance to.

Type:

I don't have a specific type. As long as they have good morals, I'm good. But I would prefer if they can handle the emotional mess called me. If not then at least we'll figure something out.

Fun facts:

- I play volleyball! I'm the setter of my team. But I am a versitile player (I'm sometimes called Female Oikawa by my team)

- I am a flirt, only to those I find interesting that is

- Flare and being extra is my thing

- I'm kinda popular where I am at

- Though I smile often, people are still kind of intimidated by me

Thanks bub~

💘

I’m matching you up with Shinso!!

I know it sounds like an odd match, but hear me out, it’s such a cute match!! You two are the Intimidating Gang, but when ppl start to see how you really are they’re so thrown off bc you’re so nice?? And Shinso’s still,, Shinso. Now I don’t know how you managed to get close to him, especially considering his quirk and your trust issues, but I’m gonna say that it was THE exception to the rule. Or that all of your friends started befriending him and you wouldn’t just be left out of that adventure. Nonetheless, I think that as soon as Shinso saw your nice and kind nature, he dropped a wall or two for you. Is it his fault that you just felt trustworthy to him? Lol it sort of hurt that you didn’t think the same of him at first, and he thought it was because of his quirk but when Kirishima just went “nah shes like that with everyone at first” it makes him feel a bit better?? And also intrigued??

Buddy saw you and threw his “I’m not here to make friends” speech out the window sksjdhhsa-

Oh my god IF YOU FLIRT WITH HIM I SWEAR- Internally Shinso.exe has stopped functioning but on the outside he looks almost unbothered save for the small blush on his face. And he thinks your flirting is so tacky (no matter how good it truly is). But that doesn’t mean he wants you to stop. If you catch him in a good mood, he might even play along. We all KNOW Shinso has a silver freaking tongue. He wants to render you speechless so bad?? But you keep up with him and he’s Shooketh but he can’t be speechless bc he told himself HE’D be the one to shut you up bUT YOURE SO QUICK WITH YOUR FLIRTING DID YOU PRACTICE IT?? You make Shinso go into lovesick panic mode it’s rlly funny

Last but not least, once you two get together and he knows you better, you cannot lie to this boy. He knows you and he’ll encourage you to talk to him in private. Is he the best at cheering you up?? No, even though he tries to. But Shinso is a GREAT listener and he really thinks just venting is a good thing to do.

Songs!!

- La Muerte del Angel (arr. by A. Delle-Vigne for piano), Astor Piazzola (do not question it, for It Fits)

- Talk, Hozier (SKSKSKS ITS A SHINSO VIBE HE LIKES THIS SONG A LOT)

- all the good girls go to hell, Billie Eilish

- Loving the Alien, David Bowie

#bnha matchup #mha matchup #bnha #mha #shinso hitoshi

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sirenfromthelostcity · 6 years ago

Text

The Most Pt. 2: Dangerous Woman

A/N: Sorry if this has any errors that i’ve missed to correct when i was quickly reading it over, i just wanted to finally post it as y’all have waited long enough. I accidentally turned this into a bigger thing so this might actually have like 2 more parts. Personally i’m feeling kinda iffy about this part, partially bc it was kinda rushed but that was my fault. Still tho i hope you like it! The story changed in direction so many times lol but i really hope you like the final result of this part. As always, massive thanks to everyone who has bothered to read pt 1 and return for a pt 2! Feedback is always appreciated :) Enjoy!

P.S. I normally write my flashback scenes in italics but idk why in the last part it didn’t post that way.

Words: 3.3k+

The silence was unbearable. In fact, it’s been unbearable since you first departed John’s house for The Continental. Things certainly haven’t been the same since your outburst four days ago. Now here you both are, entering the elevator to take you to the lounge room where you are to meet your father and uncle Winston to officially mark John’s completion of the marker.

“So, this contract my father has for me must be quite important for him to have cut our training so short,” you remarked, no longer bearing the silence.

“I suppose,” he replied.

“Still, you must be excited.”

“I must be?” he frowned, turning his head to face you but you remained looking ahead.

“Today’s the day you’re set free. I know how much you hated being bound to the marker.”

“It wasn’t an easy transition for me in the beginning,” he admitted, “but I did enjoy my time with you... more than I expected to.”

“As did I,” you finally glance at him before licking your lips and dropping your gaze to your feet. “Listen, John, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting these past few days,” you recalled the day of your outburst in training and the next few days that followed. “To tell you the truth, it’s really not how I would’ve preferred to spend our last few days together.”

“How would you have liked for us to spend our last few days together then?”

For a moment you were at a loss for words. He used the same words you had previously spoken yet it felt like they had a different undertone.

“Uh, probably more together–– wait that came out wrong. I think. I just meant I was kinda isolating myself and acting pretty distant and… and had I known my dad was gonna end my training so soon ...”

You hesitated, not quite so sure what to say. You questioned if it was even worth trying to say. John’s eyes implored you to go on but since you wouldn’t he decided to confess something.

“On the night of your father’s call, I tried to convince him to at least let you finish the full five years we had initially agreed on.”

“Why would you do that?” you frown in confusion and concernment. “You don’t think I’m ready?”

“No. I know you’re more than capable of handling yourself.”

“Aww that’s sweet, can’t take all the credit though. I had a really great teacher. He was tough on me sometimes but I know he was just trying to push me to be my best,” you jest. “So then why did you want to complete the full five years, you afraid you’re gonna miss me?”

“I know I’m gonna miss you,” his words, although so simple, were heavy with sadness. Though he wasn’t even trying to hide his sadness the task would’ve proved itself impossible for both his sorrow and vulnerability was evidently reflected in his eyes. You couldn’t help but stare back at him with the same sorrow and vulnerability reflected in your own eyes.

You were both so caught in the moment neither of you even noticed the elevator doors open. John attempted to say something but was quickly caught off by your uncle addressing your arrival.

“Ah! There they are,” Winston motioned towards you both.

“Uncle Winston!” You say in both surprise and slight annoyance for interrupting the moment.

“Winston,” John greeted your uncle before the both of you were ushered into the lounge room together.

After your father officially marked John’s completion of the marker in the book, he immediately lead you to sit down with him at a different area of the room for privacy. You felt John’s eyes follow you and caught him stealing a few glances your way during your conversation. At one point it seemed as if John was going to make his way to you but your uncle Winston decided to steal him for a chat instead.

That was the last time you saw John Wick. Until now.

Staring at you from across the entrance of a nearly empty warehouse, John stands completely surprised to see you for the first time in nearly two months, “(Y/N)?”

“John?” you reply, just as shocked. “What brings you to these parts of town? You’re not here to kill me are you?”

“No,” he furrows his brows, as if he’d ever take that contract. If anything, he knows he’d stop at nothing to ensure that contract is revoked. “But I am here for business.”

“Small world, so am I.”

“I didn’t know you were back in the city,” he states.

“Don’t take it personal, no one’s supposed to know I’m back,” you begin to approach him. “However, I was planning on visiting you after I finished sorting everything out with this contract. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“So have I,” he begins to amble towards you till you meet, his eyes never leaving your form as you saunter towards him.

As you approach him you can’t help but admire how handsome he looks and how much you’ve missed seeing him. Little to your knowledge, John is doing the exact same.

You’ve always recognized John as an attractive man and tonight is no different. Although you’re more used to seeing his long hair styled more casual, almost ruffled, seeing it tamed in a slicked back fashion sends shivers down your spine accompanied with wild thoughts of having it tousled within your fingers. John owns a variety of suits, as it’s practically a requirement in your world, but you absolutely love how they adorn his body and compliment his tall form, especially the all black suit he wears now. You’ve seen John in his Baba Yaga mode before and have to admit his look is as delicious as he is dangerous.

As for you, this is the first time John’s ever seen you in your business mode and unsurprisingly to him, you look as stunning as you are lethal. Your attire essentially consist of only one color, black, but the color suits everyone and you’re no exception. Your garments consist of a simple v-neck long sleeve shirt tucked into your jeans and tall comfortable leather boots. To top it all off you wear a sleek leather jacket, one John can’t help but adore how well it flatters you. Simple garments indeed but to John you’ve always looked comely no matter what you wore.

“What a very small world indeed,” you both halt to a stop as you finally meet. “What are the chances that you and I, both with the intention of seeking and reuniting with the other, just so happen to cross paths at the same warehouse in New York?”

“Very slim. Although I am glad to see,” you heart flutters at this revelation, “this does seem a little suspicious.”

“Who did you say you were here for?” you question.

“I didn’t, but I’m here for Robert O’Riley.”

“So am I,” you frown. “I don’t understand, I was told this wasn’t an open contract.”

“I was told the same,” John takes a moment to assess the situation but it doesn’t take long for him to realize he doesn’t like it. He glances at you before taking your hand in his and heading towards the exit.

“Wait, where are we going?” you inquire, jogging behind him

“Away from here. I don’t like this.”

Before you and John could officially reach the exit the doors burst open in an explosive manner, sending you two flying back onto the ground. Along with a slight ringing in your ear, you hear a window break as another explosion goes off, instinctively covering your head to shelter yourself from the debris. At least three more explosions go off, the entire warehouse is now decorated in fire, smoke, and shattered glass.

“(Y/N)?!” John screams out for you.

“I’m fine! Where are you- AHH!” you suddenly get an excruciating pain pulsing through the left side of your lower abdomen as you attempt to sit up. You look down only to see a large piece of broken glass sticking out of you. “Not good.”

You yelp in pain as you extract the shard of glass from your body and promptly apply pressure to the bleeding wound.

Despite the pain you rise up to your feet, “John!” you call out, coughing and limping your way through the smoke.

“(Y/N)!” John calls out from behind you, relieved to see you alive.

You turn around and the two of your make your way to each other.

John immediately spots your bloodied hand covering your lower abdomen and the concern within him speedily rises.

Seeing his concern you swat your hand through the air in a nonchalant manner, “It’s really not that bad,” you lie.

John shakes his head, seeing through your white lie. Still, he knows he’d rather assess your injury outside than in a burning building.

“I know a way out,” he coughs.

Noticing your limp, he wraps your arm around his shoulder before wrapping an arm around your waist to help you walk. Together you exit the burning building.

As you both continue to walk together you suddenly holt as you hear movement and the sound of car doors opening and slamming shut, “Wait, someone’s here.”

The both of you remain hidden in the darkness but as you near the luminescence of a street light, you see at least six men all clad in suits huddling up to one man.

“Perché siamo ancora qui? L'edificio è sul fuoco del cazzo! (Why are we still here? The building is on fucking fire)” says one of the men with a hand up in the air, motioning to the burning building.

“Because, you dumbfuck,” the main mobster turns to directly rebuke his partner, “it’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and John Wick.”

“She’s back?!” trembles another. “And he’s here too?!”

“The fu- were you not listening the entire car ride here?!”

“They’re just two people,” the first ruffian exasperatedly drops his hands to his sides. “I don’t get why you had to bring a whole cavalry for this.”

Three more cars arrive and several more men begin to exit the vehicles.

“Do not, I repeat, do not underestimate them. They are two people that have proven multiple times to be very difficult to kill. We’re just here to make sure the job is finally done.”

“Matteo, you really think they’re still alive?”

“Doesn’t matter what I think. Valentino is not ruling anything out, so we’re here.”

You recognize the name and frown in perplexity. You know exactly who the mob leader is referring to but cannot recall ever crossing paths with him either in your personal or professional life. However, the same cannot be said for John.

“What do you want us to do?” chimes in another mobman.

“Look around the place, make sure no one besides us leaves this place alive. Boss wants no loose ends, capire (understand)?” he commands.

“Inteso (understood),” several of the men mutter.

“John we have to split up,” you whisper.

“My car is right there,” he nods to his vehicle a couple meters away.

“Okay but they are most definitely gonna shoot at us either as we run to it or as we’re driving away. I don’t wanna risk that.”

“You’re in a really bad condition right now and I’m not gonna risk that.”

“But John–” you grumble and he cuts you off.

“We stick to the shadows. You need to get patched up.”

Although endearing, John’s sudden protective nature of you slightly annoys you. With him being the man that’s trained you for nearly five years you’d think he’d have a little more faith in you. Nonetheless, you stick to John’s plan of sneaking your way to the car and it works. That is until you encounter one of Valentino’s thugs taking a presumably unapproved smoke break.

The man’s eyes go wide in shock and horror as the sight of both you and John was certainly not something he anticipated despite the warnings from earlier. Using his shock to your advantage you quickly push John into cover before outdrawing the mobman and expertly shooting him twice in the gut and once in the head for good measure. You immediately run for cover behind an empty car as the body drops to the ground. John sees a man aim at you and immediately shoots him in the head before any harm can be done, any harm towards you at least. With those shots fired, the battle begins.

You skillfully maneuver your way around different covers, successfully eliminating the mob men one by one. Never straying far from you, John swiftly does the same until there's no one left but the two of you. You take a quick look around your surroundings to make sure the threat is over. Upon spotting John your lips twitch into a small smile, relieved that he’s okay. However, as your adrenaline begins to fade, the pain from your wound returns and your breathing becomes heavy. You slide down against a car with a grunt and John is instantly at your side hovering down to pick you up and take you to his car.

“I got you,” he says, rushing to get to his car with you in his arms.

Once he finally has you situated in your seat, he gets into his own and begins to race to the nearest motel at breakneck speed. Although John would much rather prefer to take you to The Continental, he knows you’ve already lost a lot of blood and is not going to risk the long drive there.

“John, I’m cold,” you say, breathlessly.

“I know sweetheart, just stay with me we’re almost there,” his hand reaches over to inspect your wound and the fear within him rises more as he feels how soaked your hand is from your own blood. His hand overlaps your own, assisting you in applying pressure onto the wound.

You exhaustedly giggle at the new nickname, “John I have to tell you something, just in case–”

“Please don’t talk like that, (Y/N),” he says to you distraught. “We’re nearly there.”

“But John I–”

“What day is it?” he asks.

“What?”

“I need you to stay conscious. What day is it?”

“I’m trying to tell you something.”

“You can tell me that when you’re feeling better. Please, what day is it?”

You stay silent to actually think about it for a second, your mind feeling fuzzy, “.... Friday…. It’s now Friday...”

“Cats or dogs?”

“What?”

“Cats or dogs?”

“... That’s hard… they’re both so cute …. I love your dog though… dogs.”

“Day time or night time?”

“... Night time… definitely night time..”

“... Boy or girl?”

“What?”

“If given the chance would you want to have a girl or boy?”

“That’s easy… I’ll take either… so long as I love the person I’m having ‘em with … I know I’ll love the kid no matter what..”

John looks at you for a moment before focusing back to the road but his look can be described as nothing but doting and warm. To his relief the motel comes into his view and he drives into the parking lot.

“I’ll be back,” he says, exiting the car to get you two a room.

“I”ll be here,” you pant. “Sitting...”

On approaching the check in desk, John, looking like he’s just escaped from a burning building, briefly scares the man behind the desk. He orders a room for two with separate beds and pays the clerk extra for discretion and privacy. Before leaving he asks the clerk, Dave, if the rooms have first aid kits.

“Uh yeah, all our rooms have them. They’re in the bathroom under the sink.”

“Thank you,” John nods before quickly exiting the front desk area and heading straight to you.

At once John is opening your door and helping you out of the car and into your room. He quickly turns on the lights and seats you on a chair next to a round wooden table. As told, John finds the first aid kit in the bathroom then proceeds to disinfect his hands before helping you take off your jacket then sitting on the empty seat in front of you and fixing your wound. To both the relief of John and you, the shard didn’t break in you so he is able to clean the wound quickly. Unfortunately for you, your wound requires stitches. It’s not information you didn’t know but it is something you’re not looking forward to and John sees it when he catches you glare at the needle and thread in his hands.

“You’ve never gotten stitches before?” he asks.

“I’ve tried really hard to avoid them.”

“I have to do this,” he says and you silently nod in acknowledgment. “It’ll be over before you know it. Just, think about something else.”

“Like what?”

“Anything. What do you wanna do after this?”

“Sleep,” you blatantly reply, your eyes slowly blinking.

“No, no, no, you’ll get to do that but not now. You need to stay with me. What do you wanna do when this is all over?”

“Um,” you think. “The beach… I’d like to go to the beach…”

“Why the beach?” he asks, you feel the needle prick your skin and wince at the pain.

“Why the beach?” he repeats, continuing with stitching you up.

“... It’s been a really long time for me since I’ve been on one… since I felt the waves graze my feet … and crash into my body…”

“Tell me more.”

“I wanna feel the winds of the sea flow through my hair… and the sand…. soft against my skin …. Will you go with me?”

He pauses in his work to look at you, “Of course I’ll go with you, sweetheart.”

You smile, “There it is again.”

“What?”

“That nickname.”

“You don’t like it?”

“No, I love it. Just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I don’t think any of us really expected anything that happened tonight.”

“You’re right about that,” you giggle.

“All done,” he says as he finishes closing the stitch. “How do you feel?”

“Tired and light…. Guess that’s expected though, I lost a lot of blood.”

John silently listens and watches you intently. You wonder what thoughts are going through his mind.

“Thank you, John,” you start, “you saved my life tonight.”

“No need to thank me, (Y/N),” he reaches for your hand and gently squeezes it. “Thank you protecting mine earlier.”

You suddenly remember the big gun fight that erupted maybe an hour ago, “Oh yeah, nearly forgot about that. It was nothing, my instincts just kicked in then. Told you it was gonna happen, one way or another. But you were so worried about me.”

“Sweetheart I’ll always worry about you. I know you can handle yourself but the situation was different.”

“I get it,” you nod.

John quickly looks you over before rising from his seat and helping you get up from yours.

“Where we going?” you ask.

“You need to get cleaned up to get some rest and you can’t do that here. Not when someone is clearly out to get us. We’re going to The Continental.”

#john wick #john wick x reader #mentor x student #the most pt 2 #keanu reeves

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karaxreds · 5 years ago

Text

I am not you ( Part two) - Dele Alli

Part One

Her heart started racing, her eyes glued to the screen. He stopped calling her two weeks ago when he finally accepted the fact that maybe she really wasn't coming back.

A part of her felt sad because he gave up on her while the other part felt relieved, because maybe she'll somehow find a way to move on.

But yet here he is, it was past midnight and he was calling her again. The phone stopped ringing but it rang again just a few seconds later.

She let out a sigh, closed the book in her hands and finally answered the call.

"Hey?" She mumbled quietly.

"Hellooo beautiful!" He giggled loudly on the other end of the phone."You finally picked up! I am so happy, Hi! Hello, Hey!" He sang happily, which she couldn't lie, it did make her chuckle.

"D-Dele, are you drunk?" She asks, once he stopped laughing.

"Drunk? No!" He huffed, "Well maybe, I am drunk in loooove."

"Sure thing." She rolled her eyes, "Are you in a club?"

"The exact same one where I broke my baby's heart." He whined, and she felt a pang in her chest, a bit of anger as well.

"Are you with someone?" She quickly changes the subject.

"I was with Harry, but he left a few minutes ago with some bird." He sighed and she could imagine him rolling his eyes.

"Okay, don't call girls Birds." She said, "And why don't you call Eric to pick you up, yeah? or anyone else? Because you obviously won't be able to drive like that."

"Doesn't matter, I don't want to go home anyway." He mumbled, "It's cold there and empty when you're not there."

"Dele, please don't." She let out a heavy sigh, feeling that wave of sadness again.

It was no secret that she was still deeply in love with him, and was and will have a hard time moving on from a man she calls the love of her life.

"I am so sorry." He whispered, eyes full of tears.

"Dele, Just call Eric please, or anyone." She pleaded, her voice cracking at the end.

"I said, I don't want to go home!Okay?!" He yelled, making her wince.

"Just stay there okay?" She said and before he could answer her, she hang up and quickly jumped up from the bed.

She didn't bother changing, she just put on her jacket and checked if her sister was sleeping. When she saw that she was in a deep slumber she grabbed her car keys put on her shoes and left the house as quiet as she could.

Once she made it to the club, a few heads turned around to look at her and laugh followed by tens of judgmental looks. Not surprising since she was wearing pyjamas to a night club. A few minutes later she finally spotted the brown haired boy she was looking for, sitting on a stool at the bar with a bottle of vodka in front of him.

"I think that's enough." She announced, snatching the alcoholic drink from his hands and slamming it back down on the bar counter.

"Oh, heeeeeey!" He smiled like a fool at her, he didn't mean to but he leaned over and engulfed her in a tight hug.

"Come on, let me take you home." She said, her arms resting on her sides refusing to hug him back even through she wanted that more than anything.

It was the first time she was seeing him since the day she picked up her things from their flat.

"I missed you so much, babe." He said, burrying his head in her neck and absorbing her scent.

"I think that's enough." She screeched, pushing him away lightly. "Come on, you probably got training tomorrow afternoon."

"I do?" He asked, looking at her in confusion."I am just going to skip

" he giggled.

"Sure thing." She gave him a short nod," let's go now."

She grabbed his arm to put it around her shoulder, he was obviously taller and heavier than her so she had to be careful not to trip.

"You came in your pj's!" He exclaimed loudly and thank god the music was loud enough for the others around to hear. "You came to take me home wearing your pjs, this is so cute! You're so cute!" He gushed.

"Just shut up, please." She sighed again.

A few minutes later she finally made it to the car and settled him down on the passenger seat, put his seatbelt on.

"Woah!" His eyes widened, "You look so much like my girlfriend! This is insane! Identical twins, literally."

"Do I now?" She let out a small laugh, shaling her head at him as she started to drive away from the bar.

"Wow, you're so beautiful." He smiled foolishly, his eyes scanning her face. She was wearing no make up, obviously was about to sleep but didn't quite happen.

She let out a sigh as she watches him turn the volume up and sing out loud to the hiphop song that was blasting through the speakers.

About fifteen minutes later she's finally made it to his apartment, he was still awake but barely. She locked her car and tried as hard as she can to not let him fall, he was obviously a bit heavier than her and taller.

"Del, a little bit of help here please?" She sighed, as he almost fell on the floor laughing to himself. "God, you're wasted."

A few more struggles later they finally made it to his room, she quickly throw him on his bed as a weird sound left his mouth.

She bent down and took off his shoes and socks, she couldn't believe that she was there taking care of her ex boyfriend.

"I think I am getting sick." Dele giggled, she couldn't help but smile at the cute sound.

Even if he did hurt her, she still loved him. Otherwise why would she be there on the first place.

She watched the boy rise on his feet and take off both his jacket and shirt leaving him shirtless.

"Are you staying?" He mumbled, sitting back on the bed looking up at her his eyes filled with sorrow.

"I need to go, yeah." She just nodded, her heart aching as she remembers all the nights she spent in this house, their house.

"Stay, I promise I won't do anything..Just-" he sighed, lying down slowly closing his eyes.

She furrowed her brows when she noticed him grab something fron the other side of the bed and shr couldn't help but lean over to him and check what that thing was.

Her eyes widened when she saw her black favourite jumper in his arms, he was hugging it tightly.

"D-Dele, Is that my jumper?" She asks, her voice so soft.

"Humm."

"Why is it still with you?"

"Because it has your smell, and I can't sleep without feeling like you're next to me." He admitted, both his eyes tightly closed.

She stood there, looking at him with tears in her eyes. She thought that he was trying to move on maybe but what she just witnessed just proved that he was still hopelessly in love with her.

The next morning the young footballer woke up with a throbbing head, he let out a groan when he tried to open his eyes and was met up with the bright rays of sunshine coming through the curtains.

His eyes snapped open as he heard a sound coming from the kitchen, his heart racing as he tried to remember what happened the previous night.

A couple of minutes later and just a few flashbacks of him in a bar drinking his sorrows away, he finally had the courage to walk into that kitchen.

He was met up with a sight he thought he would never see again, there she was, the girl of his dreams wearing his shorts and his t-shirt making pancakes in his kitchen.

"H-H-Hey."

She turned around, slightly frightened by the sound of his voice.

"Morning." She smiled widely at him.

"I borrowed these." She pointed to the clothes she was wearing, "Hope it's okay? Couldn't stay in those pjs since you throw up on them last night." She chuckles.

"I what?" His eyes widened, "God, I don't remember anything and you know you can wear my clothes whenever you want."

"Here." She said, putting a plate full of pancakes on the table, which was already set. "And also these" she said, placing two pills next to his plate. "But you need to eat first, so come on."

He looked at her clearly confised by her behaviour, just a couple of days ago she would've killed him but there she was in his kitchen making breakfast after she spent the night cleaning after him.

"A-Are you okay?" He finally asked, "I mean-"

"I am great." She smiled, "Haven't been this good in weeks."

"What happened exactly last night?" He asks again, sitting down on the kitchen stool.

"You called me, you were at the bar completely wasted and harry bailed on you with some girl. I just couldn't leave you to drive like that so I came and brought you here and spent the night making sure you won't be sick which you were, so eat and take those medicines." She ordered, sitting on the stool next to him.

"Oh, god knows how embarrassing I was." He shook his head, putting some pancakes in his mouth.

"You were quite funny to be honest and also adorable." She smiles at him.

"Adorable?" He raised his eyebrows at her, still not understanding.

"I know I've been ignoring you for the past few weeks." She let out a sigh before continuing, "But last night you said so manu things, and it just made me realise that I've jumped to conclusions too early and didn't let you explain and even when you did I chose to ignore it because I was hurt."

"You know I would never do it on purpose." Dele shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Now I know." She nodded, "Last night, spending it here, lying next to you made me realise how much I miss you."

"I miss you like crazy, babe."

"When I saw you hugging that jumper I-"

"You found the jumper, Oh god I am-"

"You're sleeping with it?" She asked as if she was trying to confirm the info.

"Yes, stole it from your suitcase before you left." He admits, "Makes me feel like you're still here."

She just looked at him with a small smile on her face, enjoying his presence and he was feeling just like her.

"Does this mean you're giving me another chance?" He asks softly.

"I am willing to give us another chance." She shrugged, "Just one though, so..."

"It's more than enough, we'll make it work." He nodded, "I love you and I am sorry..."

"I know." She nods as well, "I am sorry too, They say love isn't enough sometimes but maybe we can prove the opposite?"

"We definitely will." He moved closer to her and held both of her hands in his.

"We will." She smiled, leaning closer and finally did what he's been dying to do for weeks now, Kiss her.

"So when are you moving back in?" He asks once they both pulled away.

"I am not."she shrugged, "I mean not immediately, we'll just take it slowly this time yeah?"

"But I miss you back home,this is your home too..." He pouted, resting his forehead against hers.

"Just for a few weeks to see how it works out"

"Okay." Was his only answer.

"Eat your breakfast now so you can take the pills. " she smiled widely, pulling away from him.

"I love you."

"I love you too, babe."

#football imagines #football one shot #footballers imagines #footballers one shot #one shots #imagines #football one shots #football #premier league #dele alli

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cieloxcnco · 6 years ago

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yo te haré mía (cnco) - ch7

Chapter 7

Words: 3,900+

Warnings: little suggestive sexy stuff, nothing too awful. but God knows i’m not the best judge. Only two sentences of a sex scene frfr

A/N: pretty major note- now fully in third person POV. hope that hasn’t thrown anyone off.

chapter 1 is here chapter 2 is here chapter 3 is here chapter 4 is here chapter 5 is here chapter 6 is here if you need to catch up

Upon entering the agreed upon location for brunch, Isabella stormed directly to Kaja and swatted at her arm. “Ow! What was that for?” she squealed, rubbing the afflicted area. “Still can’t believe you didn’t tell me he knocked you up,” Isabella grumbled as she sat down across the cafe table from her friend. “The pill isn’t perfect,” was all Kaja could surmise, shrugging her shoulders as she too sat down. “Not only that,” Isa conjured. “I’m just shocked you both finally lost your virginities to each other. Like it was about time. But now from that idea alone to suddenly being engaged was unreal. I felt badly because Naomi kind of took over discussions that night and I didn’t get to really talk to you about much.” “It honestly just all happened so quickly. I missed my period, I told Joel because I was nervous, we took a test, we went to the doctor who confirmed it, and a week later he got down on one knee. I didn’t expect it, but I honestly think when he told his family about it that they pushed the idea into his head. You know how traditional they are in their ideals. He never really so much as kissed anyone before me, and now all of a sudden there’s a baby involved? It was almost all instantaneous and then he was telling me I’m the love of his life and he wants to spend it all as my husband.” “He also,” Isa interjected, “might be considering a lot in the idea of his public image. Not that it minimizes the fact that he does want to get married, of course, but he’s always been el inocente and now he’s gotten his girlfriend pregnant. He went from not even knowing whether he wanted to be arriba or abajo to now he obviously as done enough of both to have successfully put a baby up in there.” Kaja laughed and playfully smacked at Isa’s shoulder. “Will you shut up?” Isa giggled to herself. “While we’re on the subject, which does he in fact prefer?” “Oh my god,” Kaja choked, her face flushing bright red before she hid it in her cupped hands. After taking a small sip of coffee, she straightened in her chair. “Well I have the new sonogram pictures, but there’s no point. You can’t see much more than a speck. Joel at first thought it was an habichuela.” Isa cackled at the thought of Joel spinning the print of the ultrasound in his hands, searching for his baby behind what he thought was a bean. “Well you know,” she began once she stopped laughing, “that if you ever need any help with anything, Jasmyn and I are here for you. I’ve been there and back with everything pregnancy related so no question is stupid and I’ll be there when the boys are stuck traveling around and Joel can’t be with you.” Kaja reached for her friend’s hands across the table and squeezed them between her own. “Thanks, Isa. Love you.” Isa winked. “Love you too, mama. You know that.” Kaja let her hands go so they both were able to grab their drinks and sip. “So, we both have babies incubating, and that’s great, but I want to check on you.” Isa’s eyes widened slightly and she sat a little more straight in her chair. “So have you talked about names and what gender he’s hoping for?” Kaja rolled her eyes. She had expected deflection. “Isa. I only want to help.” Isa’s shoulders fell, her body surrendering and abandoning its defensive stance. “I know that, mama. I just… There’s nothing to help.” “There’s always a way to help,” Kaja offered. “It just has to be discussed to find out what that help can be.” The waiter stopping to take their orders was a distraction for only a moment. Once they thanked him and he stepped away, Isa knew just by the look in Kaja’s eyes that she wasn’t going to let it go. Isabella nervously tucked loose hair behind her ear. “Zabdiel and I had a bit of a… discussion the other night and he’s been avoiding me more than usual the past two days. We haven’t really spoken.” Kaja sighed quietly. It killed her to see two people she cared about so deeply start to lose grip on a relationship she had always admired. Perhaps she’d only liked the way it appeared looking at it from the outside. “What was the discussion?” Isa busied herself with stirring her spoon idly around her teacup. “God, I could use a mimosa instead right now.” Kaja waited patiently for a response without interrupting. Her friend might need to be given a moment, but she would come around and speak. The quiet was broken by Isa’s phone vibrating on the tabletop to alert her of a text message from her lover. Cada segunda que no estas conmigo es una eternidad. He decorated the beginning of the lyric with musical note emojis and the end with his favorite smiley sticking its tongue out. Pensando en ti siempre, nena. Te amo tanto. A second buzz from another text from Christopher. ¿Que haces, mi vida? Her fingers danced across her screen in a fast reply, eager to take advantage of a moment when the band wasn’t engaged in an activity that he could correspond with her. Comiendo brunch con Kaja, hablando del bebe y todo. Te extraño, mi principe. ¿Que hacen ustedes? “Isa?” Kaja pushed to bring her focus back. Seeing her friend would not relent, she placed her phone face up on the table and sighed. “He had promised he would spend the evening with Joaquin because he’s gone so much. He spent time at the studio but afterwards went out to dinner with Carlos and had too much to drink. As soon as he came home, I was angry because Quin was so upset all night and all Zabdiel wanted to do was forget about that and have sex. I said no and that our relationship should be more than that. It should be fun, love, caring about our family and I feel like he’s putting that to the wayside. I know he’s working on the new music a lot, but at some point make me feel like I matter. Right now I feel like a broken record, repeating however many times that I should mean more to him than just being there to have sex and have his kids.” Kaja broke from nibbling her lower lip to speak. “He does love you, Isa.” “He may,” Isa offered. “But this has been so stressful it’s enough to make the baby pop out at any minute. So I told him… Maybe it’s time to let this go. And he posted a very fitting cover on his instagram the next day after the radio show like a petty teenage girl.” Kaja gently rolled her cup around between her closed hands. “So you think it’s over?” Isa took a short gulp of tea and let out an unsure murmur as she swallowed. “We haven’t said the words. But we know where we both stand.” Kaja tapped her nails along the table anxiously. “At this precipice in limbo, neither of you wanting to make a move to better it or cut ties?” She laughed in spite of herself. “Yeah, I suppose.” Her phone shook against the table again so she looked down and read a reply from Christopher. Estoy aqui solo en la oficina del director. ¿Recuerdas que el gestor iba a organizar un camefeo papel para mí en esa película este verano después de la gira? She had forgotten. But that proud feeling was immediately washed away by realizing that Zabdiel was not with the band recording as he had said he would be. “He’s still avoiding me,” Isa said, clicking her tongue in her mouth. “I thought he was recording with the band today. Chris just said they’re not all together.” Kaja tried to change the subject to bring her friend’s anxiety down. “Is that Chris who keeps texting you?” Isabella nodded immediately, not realizing until after she had that the safer response probably would have been to deny it. Kaja scoffed. “You both get on so well and when he isn’t being his wacky, weird self he’s really thoughtful and insightful. I’m sure he’s probably been helpful through all this. You always light up when you talk to him.” Isa nodded again, slower this time. “You know how his stupid comments just make you laugh.” Kaja laughed at an obvious memory. “Claro. So maybe try and get some feedback from him about it. I’m sure he’s the most understanding and mature about it. That is… if you want to try to work it out.” Isa’s upper teeth gnawed on her lower lip. “I feel like… everything we built our life on was only because I got pregnant. Since Joaquin was born we’ve just been trying to hold together, pretending that it’s alright. Maybe the foundation that we had wasn’t strong enough to support the weight and responsibility of a family.” Kaja took the final sip of her coffee and gave a hesitant smile. “Sometimes when there’s a weak foundation in something, all that’s needed to make it better is to stop, go back to where you started, and reinforce it.” Isa bit the end of her drinking straw rather than continue to bite her lip. “How?” The waiter came and interrupted again, setting their plates down on the table. Kaja smiled and took a quick bite. “Marriage is proving difficult. Go back and date again like teenagers - build it up from the start. Don’t have sex immediately, let it be about getting to know each other again. See if that helps, if that makes it worth it. I know Joel told Zabdi to do the same thing.” Isa had picked up her knife and fork but, upon hearing that, instantly put them down, almost offended. “Joel suggested that to him? He spoke to Joel about all this?” A cringe flashed across Kaja’s face, realizing the slip of her tongue that she shouldn’t have allowed, but her friend also deserved the entire truth. “This bothered him just as much. He doesn’t know exactly how to handle it either. So maybe taking that step toward the same idea might help things. But I mean, Isa, you have to vent about it or you’ll lose your mind. You don’t think he’s entitled to do the same?” As suddenly as she’d become angry, she exhaled the emotion and relaxed. “I guess.” Her phone vibrated on the table again and she realized she’d forgotten to answer Chris so he’d probably written back with something. But her husband’s name flashed across the screen with a new message. Erick y Yanelis van a llegar a la casa con Joaquin a la 5. Yo estare alli pa pasar un ratito con el. Despues, tenemos que hablar. All she could muster to type back was an Okay. Kaja tried to study Isa’s change in expression to sense the emotion of her thought process. “I mean, do you really want to fix it?” Isa anxiously pressed the lock button on the side of her phone repeatedly, only to have that make the lock screen picture of Zabdiel holding Joaquin high in his arms flash on and off. Joaquin’s smile while being in his father’s arms couldn’t be denied. It didn’t matter if her heart was sad, that happy smile on her baby boy’s face meant more. He was everything. This family deserved a chance to rebuild. “Yeah, I really do.” - Zabdiel rapped his knuckles against the front door to his bandmate's mansion, then shoved his hands into his pockets anxiously. Spilling his soul to Joel during a moment of frustration was one thing. He'd just been frustrated, quiet, and tense, so when Joel had asked what was wrong it was the dam breaking. Zabdiel told him everything. Almost everything. But Chris he could be a little more candid with. Closer in age and experiences, as well as being a close friend with his wife, Zabdiel figured that Christopher would be able to give him more insight as to the direction he should begin taking. He was a little taken aback when a female figure clothed in only an oversized t-shirt answered the door instead of his friend. "Krista. ¿Como estas?" She smiled widely at Zabdiel, shifting her weight to her other leg, her bare feet still arched as if she were wearing heels. "¿Bien, y tu?" He focused his eyes on hers, ignoring how scantily she was dressed and how long her legs appeared when she stood on the balls of her feet as she was. "Bien. ¿Donde esta Chris?" She shrugged, turning around and walking across the foyer. "Meeting at management about a small role in a show or something. Should be back early evening." Zabdiel stepped inside and shut the door behind him. "I won't bother you, then. I just wanted to talk to him for a bit." She giggled, sitting on a barstool at the kitchen island. "Is that really why you're here, Zabdiel?" His eyebrows knit together. "¿De qué hablas?" She let her hair down from her ponytail and let her clasped hands fall between her spread legs. "He is one of your best friends. You didn't know he had that meeting today and wouldn't be home? You didn't want to come over when we would have the house to ourselves for a few hours?" "Krista," Zabdiel groaned, his tone warning. "Obviamente no. Ya te lo dije." "¿Que tu me dijiste, papi?" she laughed innocently, biting her lip and flipping her hair over one shoulder. “Lo que hicimos fue un error," he gulped. "Y no va a pasar otra vez." She stood, padding softly over to where he remained still, leaning up to whisper in his ear. "¿Que no va a pasar otra vez, papi? Que no me vas a tocar, no me vas a besar, no me vas a comer?” Krista subtly moved against him so her hips rolled against his. “¿No me vas a coger?” "One time," he mumbled. "We were drunk. It was a mistake. I told you it was never going to happen again." She smirked, letting her fingertips trace over his belt. "You let your inhibitions go when you were drinking and finally did what you wanted to. You still want it now." He gulped down the heavy lump in his throat. "Estoy casado. No puedo hacerlo otra vez. Mi esposa… esto va a romper su corazon. No puedo.” Her smirk grew as her lips pressed against the side of his neck. "Pero tu lo quieres, tu lo necesitas. I see how you look at me." She arched up higher on her feet and lightly gripped his collar, pulling his head down to meet hers. Krista's lips brushed against his as she gently spoke, "Don't deny yourself what you need, mi amor." No longer able to resist, he leaned down and kissed her with the fever he had been fighting. They swiped their arms across the counter behind her, clearing it of anything that might get in the way of their bodies as the heat rose between them. And without thought of consequence, they repeated the mistake he had promised himself he would never make again. - Thiago and Joaquin started racing across the front yard to see who could get to the front door fastest as soon as Erick and Yanelis let them each out of their carseats. No sooner did they reach the door did they see Zabdiel’s Escalade following up the driveway and ran back to greet him. “Tio Zabdi!” Thiago yelled, squeezing his leg as he exited the car. “Papi!” Joaquin screamed, jumping up into Zabdiel’s arms. Zabdiel struggled to grip onto his little boy, not having expected the leap he made. “Hey mijo,” Zabdiel chuckled, kissing his forehead and ruffling Thiago’s hair. Joaquin tugged at Zabdiel’s shirt with a cautiously hopeful question. “Papi, are we going to play futbol like you said?” “Claro que si, Quin,” he said with a wide smile. Joaquin’s eyes went alight in disbelief. “¿De veras? You promise?” Zabdiel nodded. “Si, antes de la cena, papo. Did you have fun with Tio Erick?” “No, amigo,” Erick interrupted. “You ask the chicos, ‘Did you torture Tio Erick?’” Both boys laughed, running back off to the house. Thiago touched the latch that opened the front door for them and they continued to run into the house. Zabdiel clapped Erick’s hand in his in greeting, leaning in for a half hug. “Pero la verdad- ¿se portó bien hoy?” Erick rolled his eyes while his sister laughed and kissed Zabdiel’s cheek. “Claro que si, Zabdi. Como siempre. No te preocupes.” Zabdiel kissed her cheek in return. “Muchisimas gracias por cuidar a mi niño hoy, Yanelis. Te lo agradezco.” “¿Y que de mi?” Erick huffed. “¿Que de ti, bro?” Zabdi laughed again. Erick, jokingly offended, was about to storm off but Zabdiel caught his shoulder to stop him. “Esperate - You think you could watch him inside for just five minutes? Tengo que hablar con Izzy for un momentito.” Erick’s expression changed from smiling and playful to a solemn one. “Por supuesto… ¿Todo está bien?” He tried to hide his defeated sigh under a soft laugh. “Pues, vamos a ver.” Yanelis had already gone inside behind the boys and ran out into the backyard onto the trampoline with them. Isa had just watched the whirlwind run by her, hand on the bump of her belly. “Did you sugar up my son?” she questioned Erick as he headed out the back patio door. “Of course not,” he laughed innocently before running to catch up to the screeching children outside. “Carajo," she giggled with a roll of her eyes, rubbing over her belly as she made her way over to the counter to continue preparing dinner. “Is it okay?” Zabdiel murmured, slowing his approach. She didn’t turn to face him, only busied her hands with chopping the lettuce for the salad she was making. “Is what okay?” “The baby,” he said simply. “You keep rubbing your stomach like the baby is bothering you.” She shook her head, her face stoic. “Not bothering. Just kicking.” His eyebrows raised and his mouth hung slightly agape. He hadn’t realized it was far enough along now that he would be able to feel his baby moving within her womb. “You can feel it?” She couldn’t suppress the smile that crept across her face. “Si.” He took a few steps closer. “Can I?” Isabella paused, but soon turned and grabbed his hand to press it to the swell of her stomach. “Right here.” It took a few moments, but as soon as Zabdiel began to whisper, “I can’t feel it,” the baby knocked against the spot where he rested his hand. His face instantly lit up, joyously laughing and pressing his hand harder against his wife in an attempt to intensify the contact if it were to happen again. She was careful as to the phrasing as to not reveal the gender he wanted to keep secret. “The baby reacts to your voice. Hearing you talking makes the baby kick and move around- dances around when they can hear your music.” His eyes welled with excited tears. “Hola, mi bebe. No puedo esperar a conocerte.” “Pues, tienes que esperar, Zabdi. Baby isn’t done cooking yet,” she chided gently, his smile contagious. But his grin faded as he searched for the words. “Izzy… Can we talk, please?” She turned her attention back to the food preparation in front of her. “¿De que?” “Izzy… Please. We’ve needed to talk for a long time and haven’t. Por favor, mi vida.” And even he didn’t know if he was using the endearment sincerely or out of pure habit. She grabbed for his hand and allowed him to lead her to the kitchen table to sit. She wanted to allow him to speak first since he had wanted to initiate this talk, but she could see he was struggling to find the words. He finally managed, “I don’t like what this is now, what we are now.” “Yo tampoco,” she whispered. Zabdiel cupped her clenched hands between his own, only able to stare down at the floor. “I don’t want it to remain like this. I want to live up to the words I told you at our wedding, the promises we made. We made a family, and for our babies we ought to give it more of a chance than giving up and pushing the other away when things get hard.” She looked out the window, hearing Joaquin shouting and laughing from the other side of the backyard, and then back to where her hand rested on the rise of her belly. “I know we do.” Zabdiel didn’t realize he was squeezing her hands so tightly until he felt his palms sweating and let go. “I know we can’t fix what’s already happened - how I’ve made you feel with me being distant and how I’ve felt you pushed me away. But we can try to start from the beginning. We can date again, learn more about each other like we should have from the start, back like it was before the stress of kids and worldwide music releases.” She was quiet, lost in thought, but in reality it was just spinning in the same circle. She had to give this a try- for her family, for the vows she took, for her son and daughter to get the chance to have the household she never did. “I want to try anything, Zabdiel. I hate how tense it’s been and how uncomfortable I’ve been feeling.” He nodded. “We’re having a new baby. Our family is growing and deserves a happy home. Let me take you out tomorrow night?” She took the initiative of leaning in and pressing her lips to his. “It’s a date.” He smiled and cupped her cheek, leaning back in to kiss her soundly. “As much as I want to begin now, I have a date with a little soccer star outside first.” Joaquin hopped off of the trampoline as soon as Zabdiel joined them in the backyard. “Papi! Time to play!” Erick stopped Zabdiel and silently showed him an email from Renato about their time at the recording studio and their upcoming deadlines for new music. “Is he serious?” Zabdiel snapped. “We were supposed to have more time. What do they expect us to do?” “Well, we have tomorrow. We have to head over there then to finish Alejaste de Mi,” Erick supposed. Zabdiel huffed. “We have no choice. But we could get some mixing done before dinner. Sound good?” Erick nodded and began texting the band’s group chat the details of what they’d just worked out. “Papi?” Joaquin questioned, tugging gently on his pants’ pocket. Zabdiel shook his head “Not now, buddy. Papi has to do something quickly. Later. I know I promised.” As Zabdiel walked away, Joaquin threw the ball he’d been holding onto the ground and began kicking it around alone, missing the goal by a few inches. The truth was his father could make any sort of promise he wanted, but unless he lived up to it what was the point?

if this sucks, blame @cncocubanita she rushed me

chapter 8 is now here.

#cnco fanfiction #cnco fanfic #cnco imagines #cnco icons

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youremypride · 6 years ago

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Requested by: del-rcys

Summary: The reader is just like Moira from Murder House, shot dead by Miriam for being in a relationship with Michael. When the apocalypse came, he comes back to claim back the love he left years ago.

A/N: I wish I had powers like Moira too, but instead of being old and young, I want to be non-makeup and makeup look. That way, I wouldn’t have to bother with make up if I went out of the house. That would be sweeet~!

Being dead sucked. Time passed by really slowly every day and all you wished for was Halloween to come. The one day where you’re free to roam the neighbourhood without being bound to the house. The demonic and evil house known to everyone as The Murder House.

The funny thing was, you didn’t even live here. You were simply a maid that was hired by the family that employed you at the time. During your employment, all you did was clean and made sure that the family had food ready three times a day.

The reason of your death was because of your curse. The one thing you grew to hate the most, you forgot how old or young you actually were. You had the ability to appear between looking old and young, depending on the person that was looking at you. It all happened when you came across a boy. A special boy with short golden hair who wears black from head to toe.

He was the love of your life yet the reason for your downfall. Had you not been in love with him, you wouldn’t have died that night. His mother had found out about your relationship with him, insulting you, saying that you were too young for him and that you were seducing him with your body.

She saw that part of you that other men saw. You were the epitome of lust. Every man craved you, mostly your body. You tried to explaining to her, giving reasons that you were in love with her son but all she did was locked a bullet into the skull of your head.

She buried your body in the backyard of the house. In your ghost form, you hid from her and her son while you listen as she scolded the boy that you loved, saying that it was only infatuation that he had for you. It broke your heart. You didn’t see him the following day, or any day after that. You found out that they had moved someplace far where he couldn’t visit you.

It was also the day you found out you couldn’t leave the house when you stepped out from the perimeter of the house. It kept bouncing you back in no matter how many times you ran out of the front gates. You stopped trying after that, accepting your fate that you’ll be stuck here forever.

Death arrived and left his entire mark on the world. From the window, you could see the once tall houses standing in rows were all gone, burnt down into ashes. The sun was never in the sky as thick grey smoke polluted the air, then it turned into fog, turning the entire world cold that the Sun couldn’t warm the Earth ever again.

“The scenery will never change no matter what, Y/N.” A voice came from behind you. “I know, Tate. But have you ever wondered why this house still remains? I thought it would come crumbling down and that we’ll finally be free.”

“We’ll never be free. We’re bound here for eternity. The in between, I suppose. We can never be reunited with others, in Heaven or Hell. That’s just the way it is.” Tate stood beside you, a small smile appearing on his face.

“Have you tried talking to Violet, yet? Or is she still shutting you out?” You asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders, scratching the back of his head, “She’s opening up to me a little, we had some small talks. Maybe she’ll take me back, someday. I miss her a lot. I don’t like being apart form her and having to hide in the darkness all the time.”

“Don’t we all, Tate. Don’t we all.” You vanished away to your usual place, laying out in the garden, looking up at the grey sky. Somehow, you managed to sleep away into your dreams. Dreams where you were reunited with your family again, hugging and kissing them.

It was the one thing that made you happy ever since you died. You were thankful that you were able to dream and you held them as if they were real memories.

Over the years, nothing had changed. Nothing new ever happened. Only the house filled with lost souls haunting the hallways and rooms when there’s nothing left to haunt.

Just then you could hear the loud grumble of the house. This didn’t happen often and it made everyone panic. Despite the fact you were dead, you were scared. You wished that your mother was there with you, comforting you with soothing words that always seemed to help when it gets terrifying.

The grumbling stopped and you heard a commotion coming from the foyer of the house. Everyone had gathered around a young man. He had long blonde hair, wearing a red suit with black dress pants. You couldn’t see his face properly from the angle you were from.

He was not alone as he had a companion, a woman right beside him. Somehow, she had glanced towards your direction, locking eye contact with you.

In that moment, everything that happened on the day you died came rushing back. Her face was exactly like your lover’s mother, ageless and never growing old like you did.

She didn’t reply to the man that was talking to her, and when he followed the direction of her eyes, your ghostly heart skipped a beat.

“M-Michael?”

“Y/N,” He says your name breathlessly, “I’ve come back for you, my love.”

You descended the stairs, walking up towards him. He reaches out his hand to grab the side of your face, “My love, I’ve missed you. I’ve come to take you away from here.”

You shook your head, tears started pooling by your waterline, “You can’t, Michael. I’m stuck here, forever. Even if you did, it would be unfair towards the rest. I cannot leave them.”

“Will you come with me if I freed all of them? Please, Y/N. I need you in my life again.”

“How will you do that, Michael? Why are you doing this, Michael?”

“Because I love you, and I’m never leaving you again. You don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll make sure everyone will have their freedom.” He takes your hands together inside his, “Do you still love me?”

“Of course, I do. You never left my mind. I love you, Michael. Forever and always.” He sounded delighted to hear those words, as he leans in to kiss you, the kiss he had yearned for so long.

He embraced you into his arms, holding you tight, afraid you’ll disappear if he let go. In that moment, Michael did the one thing he had never done for so long. He cried. He cried because of love.

#michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #ahs #ahs apocalypse #ahs: apocalypse #apocalypse #michael langdon fanfiction #requests #imagines #del-rcys #american horror story #michael langdon requests

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theangelssecondwing · 5 years ago

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Chapter 5

Two days, a short car ride and a long ride on a Chocobo, which was the most amazing thing ever, we were on the ship that would carry us to Costa del Sol, courtesy of my father, who had seemed all too happy to get me out of the house while he dealt with the fallout of the article that revealed my relationship with Sephiroth.

I was standing on deck, letting the breeze tousle my hair, when Sephiroth came up to me. „How are you feeling?“, he asked in a low voice, sending shivers down my spine.

„Pretty good. How about you?“

„I‘m fine. I was just worried that you might get seasick. This is your first journey on a ship, after all.“

I smiled, taking a deep breath of the salty air. „I kind of expected that, too. But no. Actually, the swaying of the ship is really comforting. And what about Genesis?“

„He‘s should be somewhere around. Probably reading LOVELESS again.“

We shared a quiet chuckle, and then, without even realizing it, I was leaning on him, taking in his warmth and strength. Then I remembered that we should probably be careful with PDA if we didn‘t want to get into even more trouble, so I took a subtle step away from him, immediately missing the contact. To smooth over the awkwardness, I pulled out a brochure I had brought and looked into it as if I was insanely interested in what we could do once we reached our destination.

„Oh will you look at that, the Chocobo-Race Championship is currently taking place close to Costa del Sol. How about we go check that out?“

Sephiroth raised his eyebrow, giving me a questioning look. Then he sighed. „You know, at this point, I really don‘t care if someone sees us. Everyone knows. We can‘t change that. But we can change how it affects us.“

I lowered my gaze and only now noticed that I was trembling. And how much this whole situation scared me.

Sephiroth pulled me into his arms. My cheek came to rest on his shoulder, and a sweet cloud of vanilla scent enveloped me. I closed my eyes, and felt tears burn in them. „You‘re too good for me“, I mumbled, more to myself than to him, but he heard anyway.

„Nonsense.“

„But-“

„I will hear no more of this.“ He tightened the embrace. „You just can‘t see what I see. But I‘m sure you will, soon enough.“ After another moment of silence, he gently brushed my bangs aside and asked:„So how do you like the world outside of Midgar thus far?“

„Like I never want to return to Midgar again.“ I had seen so much in such a short time. Wide, open grasslands and swamp and caves and even forests. All of it was beautiful, and I never wanted to return to the dark, smoggy city. My hands tightened into fists. „You are the only reason why I would ever return to Midgar.“

He ran the tip of his index finger in small circles on my lower back, working out some of the tension on my body in the process. „Maybe you should visit your mother more often, at least. Just so you can get out of Midgar.“

„Hmhm“, I mumbled, feeling drowsy from the warmth of his body and the gentle sound of his voice. „But only if you come with me.“

He chuckled softly. „Maybe I will.“

The promise made me shudder with anticipation. God, how could he make me feel this way with only a few words?

There was a pair of footsteps coming closer, and when I looked up, Genesis approached us. „Hate to be a bother… again, but we‘ll be landing soon. So the two of you might want to get your luggage ready.“

I sighed into Sephiroth‘s shoulder, enjoying he feeling of his arms just a tiny moment longer, before letting go. „Alright then.“

After only knowing the dim light around Midgar for the entirety of my life, the scorching, bright sun of Costa del Sol almost felt like it was burning my skin. Good thing I had brought enough sunscreen. Maybe I could ask Sephiroth to help me put it on my back…? Now there was only one more problem: My bathing suit. It was old and not exactly the prettiest thing, since I only ever went swimming in the company pools where nobody ever really saw me. Nobody who I respected enough to care about their opinion, anyway. But for Sephiroth, I wanted to wear something cuter. If there even was anything remotely cute in my size. Which wasn‘t very likely. However, as we walked through the city on our way to my mother‘s summer home, we came past a shop selling bathwear, and a lovely plus-size bikini caught my eye. It was light green, with ruffles along the edges. I didn‘t want to stop Sephiroth and Genesis, who were walking ahead of me at this point, and I didn‘t want to let my mother wait, either. But I made a mental note to visit this shop the next day.

My mom‘s „summer home“ was a mansion with at least 30 rooms, built right next to the city.

She was already waiting at the entrance when we approached, opening her arms and pulling me into a backbreaking hug. „Cora! Oh it‘s so good to see you again! You have no idea how it breaks a mother‘s heart to never see her child!“ Then she took a step back and looked at Sephiroth and Genesis. „I see you‘ve been telling the truth. My apologies. I was so overwhelmed with joy to see my only daughter again that I completely forgot to greet you. Sephiroth and Genesis, correct? Don‘t worry about your luggage. I‘ll have all of that brought up to your rooms. But please, come in, before we all get boiled in this heat. Go ahead!“

I had completely forgotten what a motormouth my mother could be. And while she walked ahead of us, chattering about all of the things we could do to pass the time while we were here, I just lowered my head and hoped neither of my companions would notice how embarrassed I was. Should I apologize for my mom‘s behaviour? Or was that inappropriate? After all, she wasn‘t being rude or anything. Just a bit smothering.

„To be perfectly honest, I had hoped my daughter wouldn‘t fall in love with a man who has his hair grown out like that, but what can you do.“ Nope, definitely needed to apologize.

My mother led us to the dining room, where she urged us to sit down. „Relax! I still have a matter or two to attend to. Be right back!“ And with that, she sauntered out of the room, winking at me as she went.

I cringed and shot Sephiroth and Genesis, who hadn‘t gotten in a word edgewise the entire time, an apologetic look. „So sorry. My mom can be a bit tactless.“

„Don‘t worry about it. I had a lot of people criticize the way I wear my hair“, Sephiroth told me.

„And I‘m pretty much used to having overwhelming parental figures around me“, Genesis remarked. „If you think your mother is bad, try meeting mine.“

I snorted, and then let out a big sigh. „Thanks guys. That actually helps.“ Sephiroth put his hand on mine. „So, any plans for tomorrow?“ I blushed slightly and replied:„I was gonna buy a new bikini. I saw a cute one at one of the shops we came past in town. And after that, maybe we could go to the beach?“ „Sounds good to me.“

We had a quick meal, during which my mother continued to absolutely embarrass me, before we retired to our rooms. Sephiroth and I got rooms right next to each other, and our rooms even shared a balcony, while Genesis got the room across from mine. I was so excited to be here with Sephiroth, and also to see the starlit sky for the first time, that I couldn‘t sleep. So I opened the glass door and stepped out onto the balcony.

My breath hitched in my throat as, for the very first time, I saw the stars and the moon. An endless black sky, covered in myriads of tiny diamonds, clearer than any gem human hands could find and polish. I leaned forward, as if that would help me get closer to this infinite beauty, when I felt someone touch the small of my back. I turned around and found Sephiroth standing beside me in just a pair of pyjama pants. His hair was still slightly tousled from having been in bed, and I fought the urge to smooth it down just to feel the silky strands beneath my fingertips.

„I heard you come out, and wanted to see your reaction to being beneath a starry sky for the first time.“ He chuckled softly. „You always have the most adorable reactions to such simple things.“

I blushed furiously, both because of what he said and because I couldn‘t stop looking at his bare upper body. I wanted to look away. Surely it had to be wrong, for my fallible human eyes to look upon something this perfect? But as soon as I turned away, he gently grabbed my chin and turned my head so I was facing him again. „And… I also came out because I wanted to see you.“ He let go of my chin and instead cupped my cheek, guiding my face forward until it met his. The kiss was searing, full of desire. He wrapped his arms around me in an almost painfully tight embrace, and devoured my lips like he had been starving. And before I knew it, he was gently but firmly pulling me towards his room. I was so overwhelmed I didn‘t know how to react, so I just followed him. He sat down on the big double bed, urging me to sit on his lap with spread legs, which I did. I felt flushed and dizzy, holding onto Sephiroth for dear life, until I felt his hand under the hem of my shirt. I parted from him, gasping, and gasped:„Sephiroth… no...“

He immediately pulled his hand away. „Cora?“

I bit my lip. How could I explain? „I… I don‘t feel ready for this.“

The inital shock and hurt in his eyes turned to understanding. „Of course. I‘m sorry.“ A long, awkward pause followed. I wanted to get up from his lap, but then he stopped me:„Still, if you‘re comfortable with it, will you please spend the night with me? Don‘t worry, I‘m just talking about sleeping next to each other.“

I hesitated for a moment, but then I gave him a soft smile. „Sure. I‘d love to.“

He lifted me up and gently placed me on one side of the bed, after which he crawled over to the other. Once he had settled in, he closed his eyes, fully relaxed, and I had the chance to admire the view. His long, silver hair sorrounded his head like a halo, which made him look even more angelic. How could I ever feel comfortable being intimate with him, if he looked too beautiful to be touched? Too divine to lower himself to something as human as sex? How could he even desire someone like me? Someone who was neither beautiful nor divine? As if he could sense my messy thoughts, he took my hand and began stroking the back of it with his thumb. Not saying anything, just caressing my hand until I fell asleep.

I awoke to a sweet warmth enveloping me. I opened my eyes and wrapped around me, holding me close to himself, his face buried in my hair. I could hear his heartbeat; a steady rhythm that almost sent me back to sleep just by how calming it was to hear. I felt so safe. Then I remembered what happened the night before, and I cursed myself. Of course I desired him. Why hadn‘t I just let him do what he wanted? Why had I stopped him, when sleeping with him was very much my wish?

I must have fallen asleep again, because when I awoke, the other side of the bed was empty. I sat up, reaching for my glasses on the bedside table and taking a look around. Then I spotted Sephiroth sitting on the handrail of the balcony, still just in his pyjama pants. I got up and walked over to him.

„Good morning.“

„Good morning.“ He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. „Sorry about last night. I got carried away.“

„That‘s okay. Now that I‘ve slept over it, I feel silly for rejecting you.“

„If you‘re not ready, then you‘re not ready.“ He kissed me again. I leaned into the kiss.

„I swear, next time I won‘t reject you.“

„Don‘t push yourself to do something you‘re uncomfortable with just because you think it‘s what I want. How could I ever enjoy sleeping with you if you don‘t?“ He tapped the tip of my nose with the tip of his index finger and smiled. „So, we should probably get ready for our beach day.“

After waking up Genesis and having a quick breakfast, we made our way back to town, where I sent my two companions ahead to the beach while I bought the bikini I had seen the day before. Once I had it, I quickly jumped into one of the changing rooms close to the beach. The bikini fit me perfectly, but I still wasn‘t quite sure about wearing a bikini at all. Maybe all of this had been a dumb idea from start to finish. Maybe Sephiroth would see me in this and just see what everybody else would; a whale in embarrassingly revealing clothes. I felt tears burn in my eyes and just wanted to stay in the changing room forever. But I couldn‘t do that; there were other people who wanted to change, as well. So I gathered all of my courage and stormed out… right into someone else.

„Oh no, I‘m so sorry, I didn‘t mean to run into you, I wasn‘t watching where I was going...“

„It‘s okay“, a friendly, female voice answered. The woman I had crashed into dusted herself off and then looked me over. „Are you hurt?“

„No. What about you?“

She shrugged. „I‘m fine.“ She was quiet for a bit, and then extended her hand. „I‘m Yui. Yui Yuuji.“

The name rang a bell, but I couldn‘t quite place it. But I shook her hand. „I‘m Cora. Cora Hunter.“

She knit her eyebrows. „Hunter? As in Arthur Hunter?“ „Yeah. That‘s my father. Do you know him?“

She shrugged again. „A bit. He‘s a work associate of my mother.“

I snapped my fingers. „Ah, now I remember! Mrs. Yuuji is one of my father‘s closest colleagues.“ I scratched the back of my head and grinned. „Didn‘t think I would run into someone else from Midgar here.“

„Oh, I‘m actually here to watch the Chocobo races.“ Her eyes began to gleam. „Do you like Chocobo racing? It‘s so exciting!“

„I‘ve… actually never seen a race before. This is the first time I‘ve left Midgar.“

„You really should watch one when you get the chance!“ She looked around. „Oh damn! I need to get changed. My mom is probably wondering where I am. Maybe we‘ll see each other again back in Midgar. See you!“

She rushed past me, and as she did so, I spotted a familiar golden book-cover sticking out from her bag. Genesis would like her, I thought and then went down to the beach.

Sephiroth and Genesis had already picked a good place for us. Or maybe someone had left the place upon realizing that two literal heroes and celebrities needed a spot. Either way, I hurried up to them only to stop dead in my tracks once I realized that Sephiroth‘s swimwear consisted of a quite skimpy black speedo. I opened my mouth to say something, but then closed it again. Then opened it again. Closed it. Rinse and repeat. I must have made a great impression of a fish after it has been pulled out of the water.

The absolute glory that stood in front of me had halted any kind of cognitive process in my brain. Cora.exe stopped working.

„That‘s it“, Genesis remarked in a deadpan voice. „You broke her.“

Sephiroth approached me and grabbed my shoulders to shake me slightly. „Are you alright? The sun isn‘t too much for you, is it?“

He mistook me being completely starstruck for a sunstroke. Somehow, the kind of adorable awkwardness of the situation snapped me back into reality, and I covered my face with my hands.

„No I‘m fine, it‘s just… you look too good to be true. I was wondering if I‘m seeing a mirage or something.“

He huffed amusedly. „Funny. I thought the same thing when you came up to us. You look amazing.“

At this point, I was red as a beet. „No I don‘t.“

He shook his head, but didn‘t comment on that. Instead, he took my hand. „Come, let‘s go swimming!“

While Sephiroth and I were in the water, Genesis stayed on his towel and was reading LOVELESS, as he always did. I was distracted by Sephiroth diving down, grabbing my ankle and pulling me underwater, and when I came up for air again, Genesis was gone from his spot. Instead, he was a few metres down the beach, talking to none other than Yui. Both had their copies of LOVELESS in their hands and seemed to be having a very lively discussion.

„Looks like Genesis doesn‘t want to spend our vacation alone, either“, Sephiroth commented and pulled me into his arms, turning onto his back and floating around with me for a bit. It almost felt like cuddling in a bed, except the water was pleasantly cool. His hair looked almost ethereal in the water, and now that he wore even less than he did during the night, I could feel the power of his body. His muscles were hard, though hidden under smooth, flawless skin. I found myself tracing the outlines of his pecs and abs with the tip of my index finger, delighted by how soft and yet hard he was. He only reacted to my gentle touches with occasional content sighs. I never wanted this to end. Just stay here, with Sephiroth, until the end of time.

#selfshipping #selfship fic #The Angel's Second Wing

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astudyinfreewill · 7 years ago

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like july forever

an adam parrish birthday ficlet; 2.5k, adam/ronan, fluff+friendship (thanks to @theamagician for betaing -- all remaining mistakes are mine!)

'Cause we're the masters of our own fate We're the captains of our own souls There's no way for us to come away 'Cause boy we're gold, boy we're gold -- "Lust for Life”, Lana del Rey

Adam Parrish hadn’t always disliked his birthday. Some of them hadn’t been terrible – not great, but he didn’t have much to compare them against – which meant he could vividly recognise just how bad the terrible ones had been.

When he was three, his grandmother came to visit for the first time. He remembered her only very vaguely, because his three-year-old self was much more impressed by the cake she had brought. It had blue icing on it, and tasted better than anything Adam had ever had, which wasn’t saying much.

When he was four, his grandmother came to visit for the second and last time. She only made it as far as the door of the double-wide before she ran into his father. Adam didn’t know, at the time, what “being drunk” meant, but he could remember the screaming and anger and the sound of a bottle thrown. After that, his grandmother stopped visiting. His mother was the only one who still got to speak to her, in hushed and resentful tones on the phone.

The only thing Adam had left of her were the five envelopes that she had sent between his fifth and tenth birthdays. There had been no card for his eleventh. Adam didn’t know why they stopped – if she’d died or just stopped bothering. He’d never dared ask his mother, for fear that it would be the latter. After a while, it hadn’t seemed to matter anymore.

All of the envelopes contained a garish birthday card and a ten dollar note. Those had been the source of all his birthday presents, as far as he knew. His mother would take him to the dollar store when his father was at work, buy him a pack of cheap candy or chocolate chip cookies, and begrudgingly allow him to choose whatever toy he wanted.

On his seventh birthday, Adam bought himself a Transformer. It was originally meant to cost 15 dollars, but the paint on it was chipped, so it had been priced down. Adam didn’t care about the chipped paint. He’d never loved another toy more.

On his eighth birthday, Adam’s father hit him for the first time. Adam would spend years afterwards trying to remember what he’d done to incite it, and the answer was: nothing. He’d just come in from playing outside with a neighbor’s kid, and had poured himself a glass of water. He still vividly remembered the feeling of the chunky plastic tumbler in his hands when his father’s fist hit. Adam had only been drinking; his father had been drinking.

On either his ninth or his tenth birthday, Adam bought himself a Pontiac model car. He’d been playing with it when he heard his parents talking in the other room. I regret the minute I squirted him into you.

That was the last year Adam remembered buying a birthday present. Any extra money he found himself in possession of, after that, he used to buy candy bars, which he’d then store under his bed, for evenings when the kitchen turned into a war zone.

Sometimes the kids at school told him happy birthday. Sometimes they didn’t. Adam stopped minding, and – as he did with many other things – learned to make do.

On his eighteenth birthday, Adam was sleeping on the couch of three psychics, after unlocking a power inside him he’d never even dreamed he could have. It would take him a little longer to truly believe that he did.

On his nineteenth birthday, Adam Parrish woke up in Ronan Lynch’s bed in his childhood bedroom at the Barns, to the smell of coffee coming from somewhere to his left.

“Happy birthday, nerd.” Ronan himself was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing black gym shorts and nothing else, except for a smudge of flour on his cheek.

Adam blinked once, twice, then mumbled something sleepy while making a grabbing motion at the mug Ronan was holding. When Ronan handed it over, he accepted it gratefully, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. It took the first sip of coffee for the words to properly connect.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess it is. I wasn’t really thinkin’ about it. Thanks,” he smiled.

“You are so welcome,” Ronan said, with teasing affectation. “I’ve got eggs and bacon waiting downstairs, so come on. Look alive, put some clothes on.” He grinned savagely. “Or don’t.”

Adam rolled his eyes, then leaned forward to thumb at the flour smudge on Ronan’s cheekbone, which made his expression shift from wolfish to slightly flustered. “Ah. Yeah. I, uh. I was making pancakes.”

Adam raised his eyebrows.

“They didn’t come out great, so I threw them away. Chainsaw was thrilled.”

Adam opened his mouth to start to protest, but Ronan shushed him with a quick kiss. “Yes, I know, we live in a consumerist nightmare of a society. You and Sargent can lecture me later. Now come downstairs before everything gets cold and gross.” And with that, he was out of the room.

Adam was left sitting in bed, cross-legged, steaming coffee in hand. “Later…?” was all he could mutter to himself, perplexed.

Breakfast didn’t feel much different from usual, which meant Adam felt at peace and profoundly happy in a way he rarely did, quietly eating toast held in one hand while Ronan played with his other hand across the table. Ten minutes in or so, Opal galloped into the kitchen in a flurry of excitement – which was also not unusual – and threw her grubby little arms around his middle. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!” she screeched excitedly. Adam reclaimed his hand from Ronan to ruffle her hair fondly. “Thank you. Do you even know what a birthday is?”

Opal nodded, her chest puffing out proudly. “Kerah said it’s a party to celebrate that someone exists, and I am very happy that you do!”

Adam’s chest clenched in a foreign and delightful way. “That is a lovely way to put it,” he said, voice a little rough, even as Ronan started very casually gathering plates to drop them in the sink with a clatter. She beamed up at him, and, after disentangling herself from him long enough to rummage in the pockets of her shirt (a long, ragged flannel thing that went down to her knees), proudly presented him with a small pile of rocks. There was nothing special about them, except – as Adam discovered after examining them carefully – that all of them had nooks and crannies that seemed to tuck into each other as if by design.

“Thank you, Opal. They’re beautiful,” he smiled, turning one over in his hand. Opal smiled back, and then – as uncomfortable with open emotion as her creator – skittered off to chase Chainsaw out of the kitchen. While Adam was halfway through buttering his second slice of toast, the unmistakable honk of a 1973 Camaro sounded from the driveway, and Ronan went to get the door. Adam frowned, trying to remember whether he or Ronan had made plans to hang out with the gang, and coming up blank. Curiosity propelled him out of his chair, buttered toast still in hand, to join Ronan and Opal on the porch.

Outside, Blue was in the driver’s seat of her brand new clean-energy Camaro – it was impressive how everything about it, from the horn to the (lack of) engine, sounded precisely like Gansey’s – and somehow already bickering with Ronan about how “if you really thought I was too short to reach the pedals then you shouldn’t have dreamed it for me, Ronan”. Next to her, Gansey was watching the proceedings with an expression between amused and exhausted; and in the backseat, spiky hair undefeated by the sweltering heat, Henry Cheng greeted him with a jovial “Birthday boy! Whoop whoop!”.

Adam turned to face Ronan, one eyebrow raised in question. “Do we have plans?”

Ronan, leaning against one of the posts and casually giving blue the middle finger, looked at him with a smirk playing on his lips. “We do. A full day, actually, so you’d better finish that piece of toast pretty damn fast.”

“There’s an area near where Cabeswater used to be that I’d like to explore,” Gansey said, helpfully. “The corn is growing in an extremely odd formation, and I think there’s something to it. Figured it can’t hurt to get our resident magician to check it out,” he smiled. ��Also, happy birthday, Adam.”

“Yes,” Henry added, “and after that, we’re gonna do something that is actually fun, like go to the swimming pool or get ice cream or something.”

“And then Nino’s, because I have officially quit for the summer. No more Raven dicks to tell me what drinks to bring them!” Blue added gleefully.

Adam looked at all of them in turn, then to Ronan. Ronan shrugged. “I told them we weren’t doing anything uncool for your birthday, but unfortunately we don’t have a single cool friend.”

This was followed by a general squawk of protest from the car’s occupants. Adam was still reeling. “I thought you guys would be busy. Aren’t you leaving for your trip in like two days?”

Blue gave him a pitying look. “Like we were going to miss this?” Gansey leaned forward in his seat, somehow managing to look solemn even in his lime green polo. “Not a chance,” he said, steady and true.

Adam swallowed. “Oh. Alright. I’ll… go finish my toast?” Chainsaw landed on his shoulder and affectionately rubbed her head against his cheek. Then she stole the toast.

“Well, I suppose that takes care of that,” Adam said. He wasn’t sure how to feel – his stomach and heart were flipping through a lot at once, numb and giddy and helpless and exhilarated and surprised and grateful. His chest was aching a little, and he felt, for some reason, the urge to laugh. Instead, he smiled at his friends – at his boyfriend – his family. “I’ll grab the cards. Keep ‘er running, Blue.”

On Adam’s nineteenth birthday, there was friendship and magic and Ronan’s obnoxiously loud music played from the speakers of Blue’s dreamt Camaro. There was the sweat of summer clinging to their pores as they explored Gansey’s corn maze – there was Gansey, alive and vibrant and young and old all at the same time, because they’d saved him, they’d saved him – and there was the cool shade of the trees when they finally sat down for a rest (these were not magical trees, not strictly speaking, but although Adam missed Cabeswater sorely, the air seemed to be thrumming with a more powerful magic today).

There was ice cream, that Adam insisted he pay for, and there was birthday cake, that he didn’t. Actually, there were birthday cakes. A lavish red velvet affair bought by Gansey and Henry, and a yogurt-and-chocolate-chips cake baked by Blue. ("You didn’t have to do this,” Adam said, his throat tight. Blue patted his shoulder gently. “Of course we did. It’s your birthday, and I didn’t get you one last year, because someone didn’t tell me.” She glared daggers at all of them, Adam included, ignoring Henry’s protest that he didn’t even know her at the time).

There was the public swimming pool that neither Ronan nor Henry nor Gansey had ever been to, but that Adam and Blue knew well, and there was Blue cannon-balling herself into the water with a joyful shout, and then there was all of them splashing and yelling and throwing around a ball, and Ronan dunking Henry underwater until his perfect hair was ruined (“Lynch, you criminal”), and climbing on each other’s shoulders in turns to play chicken fight until the lifeguard threatened to kick them out.

There was Nino’s, with its familiar pizza and iced tea that was just the right amount of sweet; and by this point, Adam was so overfull on the day’s feasting – so overflowing with happiness and gratitude and love – that it didn’t even occur to him to protest when Ronan declared he was ordering two pizzas, and Adam could order one too, if he wanted to, but wouldn’t it be a shame for all that pizza to go to waste. You can have this, he reminded himself. You can let him do this for you and one day you’ll do the same for him. And for once, in the sticky booth that had been witness to their planning of adventures, comparing of school notes, and divining of magical forces, he knew with clarity that all of this wasn’t charity; it was friendship.

There were jokes and memes and group selfies (mostly taken by Henry) and off-key renditions of “Happy Birthday To You” (mostly started by Blue) and “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow” (mostly initiated by Gansey) and by the time Adam’s ears were burning pink and his face was buried in his hands, there was Ronan’s comforting hand on his leg, a grounding touch even as Ronan himself joined in the chorus.

Eventually, after night had fallen, they parted – with a fistbump from Gansey, a warm handshake from Henry, and a hug from Blue, lingering and fierce.

And after that, there was this:

The clean, crisp night breeze as he and Ronan drove back to Singer’s Falls, windows down, speed limit in the rearview mirror. The bass pounding softly from the speakers of the BMW, thumping in Adam’s chest and temples even as it echoed in his right ear. The absolute quiet of the fields at the Barns, except for the crickets’ song filling the air. The lights on the porch glowing softly to welcome them home, casting Opal in a golden shimmer where she slept on the recliner with Chainsaw perched next to her.

And inside, this:

Ronan’s hands in his hair, Ronan’s mouth on his mouth, Ronan’s hips against his hips as they stumbled through the hallway, past the living room, into the kitchen.

On the kitchen table, striking and flawless except for a handprint that matched Opal’s perfectly, was a third cake, with candles on them that must have been magical because they’d clearly been burning for a while without melting. Adam’s eyes felt damp.

“You baked a cake?” he asked, voice small, very aware that he was asking for confirmation of something that was extremely clear and obvious, but struggling to hold all his blessings together in this one single day.

“Did you really think I had failed at making pancakes? I’m the fucking pancake master, Parrish.”

Perhaps it was the fact that Ronan sounded so genuinely offended – which meant he wasn’t at all – that made Adam burst out laughing. He blew on the candles, one by one. He ran a finger through the icing, and smeared it on Ronan’s lips. Then he kissed Ronan until they were light-headed, breathless and staggering and clinging to each other with hands fisted in shirts.

Upstairs, he knew, the night was theirs: a night made for dreaming and not-sleeping, for kissing and laughing, for Ronan’s skin under Adam’s fingers and Ronan’s eyelashes against Adam’s cheeks, for learning each other’s bodies over and over and for talking until daybreak.

Adam hadn’t always disliked his birthday, but for the first time in his life, he thought he could learn to love it.

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richmeganews · 6 years ago

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Why I Decided to Start Kink Shaming Myself

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

I have been a masochist for as long as I can remember. As young as six years old, watching a CBBC drama with a fey, bookish protagonist being tormented by older boys, I would feel an excitement I can only explain as the beginning of desire. More of a Walter the Softie myself, I was nonetheless drawn to the chaotic, masculine energy of Dennis the Menace.

Later, my sexual awakening occurred at the precise moment I began to be bullied for being gay. I was bullied, like most people, by the popular boys—the most handsome and arrogant and swaggering. The first people I desired were the same ones who treated me with contempt or violence: It doesn’t seem too much of a reach to suggest that violence and desire became conflated. I have been a masochist my whole life—but now, for the first time, I no longer want to be.

Last year, I was seeing a man called Thomas. Almost immediately, he fell into the habit of giving instructions and I fell into the habit of obeying them—apologizing and asking his permission. It was all very ribald and light-hearted, until one night I finished work late and he invited me over to his apartment. When I arrived, he made a Greek salad and I hugged him from behind, kissing his neck as he chopped up the cucumbers. Afterward, he sat down on the sofa, while I lay with my head in his lap, looking up at him, and told him how much I had enjoyed everything he’d done to me the last time we met. He looked down on me with a smirk and, without saying anything, slapped me hard on the ear. It hurt, badly, and my ear began to ring, but to tell him off felt like a breach of contract—so I said nothing. After all, I’d previously told him that he could do anything. Moments later, he hit me again in the same place and my ear rang even louder. Against waves of pain, I tried to smile as he ran his hands through my hair and tugged on a patch of gray.

“You have so much gray hair,” he said. “You’re old.” Still frozen in a smile, at that moment I began to feel humiliated in a way that wasn’t enjoyable. I was furious. I wanted to show him that my submission had always been conditional and could be snatched away at any moment. Who the fuck did he think he was talking to? I stood up, shoved my feet into my shoes without bothering to slide them in properly, and hobbled toward the door.

When I reached it, he said “wait…” and when I turned around he was holding out my bag. He looked confused, maybe even slightly hurt. I snatched it from him.

“Where are you going?”

I said, “I’m not into this,” slammed the door and left.

Sally Rooney’s novel Normal People features a similar scene: Marianne, one of the main characters, is tied up in the apartment of a man with whom she’s involved in a sadomasochistic relationship. When she experiences a sudden wave of disgust, both for the situation and for him, she demands he untie her and storms out of his apartment. As she leaves, she wonders, “Is the world such an evil place, that love should be indistinguishable from the basest and most abusive forms of violence?” I had read the novel only two weeks earlier and find it hard to believe I wasn’t, in a sense, ripping it off. The scene marks a turning point in Marianne’s character arc, signaling a rejection of self-abasement. That night, listening to Cardi B on the bus ride home, I thought I’d made an equally powerful act of renunciation, that I would never see Thomas or allow myself to be treated that way again. This proved short-lived: The next day, I texted him to apologize for my behavior and asked if he wanted to go to the movies.

Thomas remembers the incident differently and insists that I asked him to hit me. It’s not my recollection, but I’m not ruling it out: I was drunk, he was sober, and it would hardly be out of character. I’m not sure it matters either way because my intention isn’t to depict him as an abuser. Whether or not I asked him to, he hit me because I’d told him it was the kind of thing I liked. The last time we met I’d consented to it explicitly, so how was he to judge when that consent expired? It must be disconcerting when someone tells you “you can do anything to me” and then storms out your door the minute you exercise the power they’ve given you.

I know a number of gay men and women who sleep with men who have had similar experiences. In order to consider how the dynamics of rough sex might differ in a heterosexual setting, along with the commonalities, I spoke with Sarah, a feminist academic based in Glasgow who has been vocally critical of the normalization of violent sex.

I suggest to Sarah that, by engaging in rough sex, gay men and straight women might be fetishizing their own oppression, be that homophobia or misogyny. “I would agree,” she says. “I think the key factor is the fetishizing of male domination. But with heterosexual rough sex [where men are dom tops], that’s not at all subversive. By degrading women, men are just playing a hyper-realized version of the position they actually occupy.”

I ask Sarah what she makes of the fact that so many people actively consent to and enjoy violent sex. “It’s hard to make sweeping judgments on this, and I don’t want to shame anyone for internalizing an oppression. We need to be wary of moralistic sex negativity—the issue is not that it’s bad because it’s distasteful, but that it’s bad because it’s harmful. There can be tons of factors that influence why people consent. It’s not always an autonomous decision. You can be coerced at a societal level.” I think this is true. Understandably, most of the discourse around harm in relation to sex centers around consent. This is necessary but insufficient: After all, it’s possible to enthusiastically consent to something that harms you.

What is the nature of the harm violent sex might pose? “It can perpetuate cycles of abuse and warp your perspective about what’s acceptable from a partner,” Sarah says. “It can lead you to think, If I let them do this to me in bed, it’s hypocritical of me to be pissed off at them if they do it elsewhere. If sex only existed in a vacuum in some utopian world, this would be fine, but it doesn’t and never will. The minute you sexually degrade or objectify a woman, that memory is always there.”

Although I’m a man and the power relations are different, this chimes with my own experiences. When you create a dynamic of violence and subjugation, it’s hard to seal that off in the bedroom. Eventually, it seeps out. Someone ordering you to suck them off might be fun. What’s less fun is them telling you to go to the store to buy cigarettes because it’s raining and they can’t be bothered to going outside.

When Thomas entered into a relationship with someone else, we made the terrible, inexplicable decision to continue seeing each other as friends. One night in the pub, he claimed the private school he’d attended had “an anti-conservative ethos,” and I started ranting about how stupid that was, talking loudly enough for the people around us to hear. The whole time, as I waved my arms and shouted about inherited privilege, feeling myself to be on blistering form, there was the sense that I was only doing this to get a reaction. I was goading him and he understood this. I wanted him to grab me by the throat and tell me to shut the fuck up. Had he done this, I would have gone quiet. I would have said sorry. I would have conceded that, yes, his private school did actually sound pretty radical. At one point, he asked me to change the subject and I said, ‘What are you gonna do?” He raised his hand then dropped it and said “nothing.” There’s an old joke that goes: “Hit me,” said the masochist, “No,” said the sadist.

Eventually, he delivered the definitive rejection I thought I’d wanted and I found myself drinking alone, wondering what was wrong with me. Did I make myself impossible to respect by being too submissive? Did he think I was damaged? It occurred to me that slapping and insulting someone from the first time you sleep together might make it hard to develop feelings of affection. I felt like he wanted to dominate me but disdained me for allowing him to do so: Maybe because I enjoyed it too much?

Throughout the months following, sexual masochism bled into the emotional kind. I was drawn to coldness; men who left me on read for days at a time, men who made me apologize for myself. There was the guy who, when I gently made fun of him, told me he “didn’t like to be intellectually challenged.” There was the man who told me he’d probably given me gonorrhoea, then ignored me for a week before getting back in touch with an enthusiastic message about the new man he’d met and an invitation to join his book club (I declined). I wasn’t attracted to these men despite the awful way they treated me, but because of their aloofness, rather than being a flaw, was central to their appeal. Kindness or enthusiasm, on the other hand, I considered to be “begging it”—nothing was less erotic than being treated with basic human courtesy.

I had been in an abusive relationship before, prior to this period, and it goes without saying that it wasn’t sexy or fun. For all the drama, for all the violence and threats, it was tedious. The last thing I wanted was to replicate that experience, but still I found myself romanticizing unhealthy power dynamics, usually while listening to Lana del Rey. Red flags were my biggest fetish. Given my history, this was insane. I would have run head-first into an abusive relationship with any of the men I dated last year—the only thing that saved me was the fact that none of them wanted to.

As well as feeling that rough sex was harming me, I worried that I was causing harm. The direction of power in sex is rarely linear. You can be submissive and still be bossy: sentences beginning “make me…” are still instructions. In Normal People, Marianne says, “You’re hardly a submissive if you only submit to things you want to do.” By this metric, I’m hardly a submissive. The sex I enjoy often amounts to: “Force me to do the things I already find most gratifying.” There’s nothing wrong with this, but it’s important to recognize that submissives can be, in their own way, just as domineering. Leopold Sacher-Masoch (the author of Venus in Furs, from whom masochism derives its name) would pressure his wife into sleeping with other men so he could experience the pleasurable humiliation of being cuckolded. Who’s really being degraded there?

In the case of two gay men, if the sexual dynamic is based around “I am weak and you are strong,” often expressed as “I am feminine and you are masculine,” then both partners are playing to the same insecurities—they’re just coming at it from different angles. I worried that, by validating the masculinity of someone dominating me, I was stoking their internalized homophobia. It seems plausible to suggest that making someone feel, temporarily, like a “real man” might perpetuate the anxiety that they’re not.

For all these reasons, I have made the decision to stop having this kind of sex, even if only for a while. It was damaging my relationships, making me feel worse about myself, and, perhaps, in the end, harming other people too. I want to transcend the idea that sexual compatibility is the most important thing. One friend assures me that “desire is surprisingly malleable” and, if I was skeptical at first, I’m beginning to understand how this could be true. I’ve dated a couple of men since who weren’t at all domineering or violent. It’s been a pleasant surprise to discover that sex can still be exciting without being degrading, although at times it’s taken effort not to find it boring.

At the end of Normal People, rather than rejecting her instincts toward masochism, Marianne finds a healthier context in which to express them. Her boyfriend dominates her lovingly and with respect, understanding “it wasn’t necessary to hurt her: he could let her submit willingly, without violence.” Maybe such an accommodation is the best I can hope for.

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