#De Toppers

[ilovetheater-nl]

Efteling, Studio 100 en Toppers Kids presenteren 'De Gi-Ga Gantische Kerstshow'

Een winters spektakel vol muziek in Ahoy RotterdamZaterdag 20 december 2025 / Aanvang 14:30 uurZondag 21 december 2025 / Aanvang 14:30 uur Volgende winter komt er een betoverend spektakel naar Ahoy Rotterdam: De Gi-Ga Gantische Kerstshow, een unieke samenwerking tussen Studio 100, Efteling en Toppers Kids. Families, gezinnen en kinderen kunnen zich verheugen op een adembenemende ervaring waarin…

[insidekatmind]

NSFW ALPHABET- Pope Heyward

Wearing: +18,smut, English is not my first language

a = aftercare (how they feel after sex):

would definitely be extremely attentive and kind after sex. Constantly ask if it hurts you and check your body. He’s afraid of hurting you because he has a bigger dick than the average.

He is ready to take care of you right after having sex. She cleans you by kissing you tenderly and telling you how good you felt; she always asks if you have cramps of penetration and if you do so she makes you a nice warm compress to put on. He keeps you safe and cuddly, giving you sweet cheeks on your forehead to make you feel safe.

b=favorite body part (favorite part of your body and his):

He loves every part of your body, he loves your smile that can calm him when he is nervous.

He loves your ass very much, is obsessed. He can’t stop slapping and squeezing him... loves to kiss and bite him and the sight of your ass all red from his slaps makes him crazy...

His favorite part of his body is his beautiful muscular physique and he loves when you look at his muscles without shame, he knows well that this thing makes you wet; and above all he is very proud of what he carries between his legs (his friends always tease him saying he has a third leg because it’s bigger)

He loves it when you are impressed every time you see him naked (no matter how many times you have seen him like this) and when he fights to get his dick... he gets crazy.

c = cum (anything to do with sperm):

he sure loves cumming inside you. for him there is nothing better than finishing inside you and seeing his sperm drip out; he would never admit it out loud, but the idea of ​​cumming inside you excited him even more

d = dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, one of their dirty secrets):

It gets even harder when you suck his dick

I= intimacy (what is it like right now? the romantic aspect):

It has two faces, so it will depend a lot on the occasion and his mood. There will be days when it will be harder, but there will also be days when it will be tender and say sweet words and sweet kisses that make your heart beat faster.

k = node (one or more of its nodes):

• Praise Kink: That man loves to receive compliments but also loves to give them; he just loves saying nice things for you and letting you know how good you are doing. He also likes it when you compliment him, when you let him know how good it makes you feel or how great he feels or even how beautiful he is, he drives him crazy.

•Blowjob Kink: he loves it when you suck his cock so well and try to take it all even if he can’t. He loves it when you play with his balls and you stoke around his dick

L-Location (favorite places to do the activity):

At first it seemed shy but actually it’s not: your first time was on the beach.

He loves to fuck you anywhere and he loves to tease you in public

m= motivation (what excites them, keeps them going):

Just seeing you makes him hard

n = no (something he wouldn't do):

certainly nothing that can hurt you; also, he doesn't like sharing you with anyone (no matter who it is) you are his and just thinking about another man touching you would make him very jealous and angry

o-oral (preference in giving or receiving skills, etc.):

Pope is a huge pussy eater and would definitely make you fall apart with those gorgeous lips but he also likes to get a good blowjob, he can't get over the image of your lips wrapped around his cock as you struggle to take it all and sometimes you choke because it's too long and thick for your mouth but you love taking it and he loves it really fuck your mouth.

r =risk (are they willing to experiment? do they take risks? etc.):

The idea of ​​someone catching you excites him especially because he loves to mark his territory on you to make others understand even more that you are his and no one can have you.

s= stamina (how many rounds can they last? how long do they last?):

he could continue all day... he is like a sex machine.

u = unfair (how much he likes to tease):

he is a tease, he would definitely tease you by blushing around him or being extremely wet and needy for him.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.):

he really loves to be vocal: he will definitely moan and grunt while murmuring dirty things to you and praising how you take his cock

x = x-ray (let's see what happens under those clothes):

his cock is very big and long. And trust me that cock will take away your ability to walk and make you feel very good.

d=desire (how high is their sexual desire?):

he is literally never satisfied. He always wants more from you. He’d be offended if you gave him a blow job while he was studying or when you were on the boat.

He like fuck you with a sensual music

[m4g0rtz]

Today's polish is a neon cream with an iridescent circle glitter topper. I really love this red-orange neon cream and the topper is so pretty but I'm not sure this is my favorite combination. That being said I love the way the glitters would go green at an angle. This is Game Over from Cirque Colors and All the Feelings from Emily de Molly.

[starryflix]

He genuinely looks like he will be joining the concert of these four Dutch men anytime

There's been so much going on and I haven't seen a single person talking about Gabriel's coat.

[melanchol1e]

cast iron fleur de lis topper

[xveenusx]

Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored. 

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line. 

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something. 

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered. 

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part. 

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet. 

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before. 

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest. 

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?” 

What was she even doing here? 

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself. 

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body. 

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with. 

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention. 

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with. 

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. 

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.” 

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did. 

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society. 

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them. 

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting. 

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?” 

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement. 

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh. 

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved. 

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.” 

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out. 

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all. 

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded. 

Being responsible was so overrated. 

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused. 

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?” 

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..” 

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.” 

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.” 

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused. 

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.” 

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?” 

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?” 

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.” 

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest. 

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone. 

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away. 

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well. 

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look. 

“Are you kidding?” 

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes. 

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.” 

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough. 

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel. 

“Are your hands broken?” 

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience. 

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always. 

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body. 

“I grew up.” 

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive. 

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear. 

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?” 

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice. 

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives. 

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty. 

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?” 

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead. 

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?” 

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable. 

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of  the coke laid out in front of me? 

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room. 

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face. 

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them. 

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body. 

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me. 

Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me. 

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be. 

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction. 

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:” 

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response. 

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months. 

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again. 

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted. 

He was so beautiful. 

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin. 

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually. 

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds. 

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch. 

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in. 

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed. 

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated. 

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but. 

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that. 

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest. 

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists. 

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face. 

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear. 

“You had a little something on your nose.” 

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake. 

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it. 

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes. 

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.” 

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room. 

“He didn’t want you.” 

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel. 

“Yeah, well you don’t either.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure. 

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left. 

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard. 

“If you want a whore, go buy one.” 

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet. 

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore. 

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time. 

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.” 

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz. 

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing. 

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another. 

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other. 

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way. 

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing. 

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun. 

Why couldn’t he see that? 

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down. 

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look. 

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right? 

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke. 

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed. 

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me. 

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private. 

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me. 

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself. 

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.” 

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute. 

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain. 

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom. 

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.” 

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?” 

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go. 

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?” 

She nodded, apprehension on her face. 

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.” 

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.” 

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand. 

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat. 

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.” 

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?” 

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.” 

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable. 

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare. 

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage. 

How the hell was I going to talk to him now? 

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired. 

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.” 

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.” 

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?” 

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words. 

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist. 

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down. 

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s. 

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that. 

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day. 

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside. 

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought. 

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?” 

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.” 

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.” 

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered. 

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror. 

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties. 

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

“Yeah and I’m failing.” 

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped. 

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation. 

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me. 

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire. 

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention. 

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up. 

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter. 

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his. 

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin. 

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy. 

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat. 

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse. 

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button. 

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.” 

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses. 

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter. 

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together. 

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants. 

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom. 

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him. 

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal. 

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing. 

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply. 

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle. 

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself. 

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene. 

“That’s not very nice.” 

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy. 

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe. 

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance. 

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control. 

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy. 

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically. 

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk. 

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door. 

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs. 

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it. 

 “She’s a little busy at the moment.” 

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again. 

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.” 

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone. 

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to. 

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer. 

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants. 

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper. 

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back. 

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes. 

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious. 

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me. 

 I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more. 

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us. 

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him. 

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank. 

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory. 

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets. 

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets. 

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust. 

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me. 

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara? 

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated. 

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me? 

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob. 

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out. 

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us. 

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear. 

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain. 

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.” 

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.” 

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger. 

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me? 

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex? 

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating. 

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.” 

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy. 

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them. 

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt. 

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets. 

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in. 

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket. 

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away. 

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was. 

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. 

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me. 

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side. 

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating. 

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home. 

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up. 

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay. 

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement. 

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped. 

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?” 

“Dead serious.” 

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.” 

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head. 

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me. 

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple. 

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts. 

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me. 

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?” 

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.” 

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.” 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.” 

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched. 

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves. 

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.” 

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets. 

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond. 

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched. 

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes, 

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?” 

“It was actually a couple purses.” 

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with. 

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have. 

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.” 

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone. 

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.” 

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.  

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat.  And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying. 

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance. 

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up. 

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other. 

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest. 

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself. 

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.” 

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself. 

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse. 

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress. 

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me. 

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

@alicecullensgf @fairylightsandbubblegum @redhead1180 @julczimozart @wh0reforbucknasty @alyisdead @trynafindliz @bradleyroosterbradshawfr @enchantedinfinity @kaylinfayezink @godknows-shetried @sipsthecoffee @leanastarky @mirellef2001 @esquivelbianca @v-a-l-n-t-y-l-e @wonderstruck4llthew4yhome @destinydestnation @ilivinili @metatarooo @a-j-stuffs @vik-05 @thecokefairy @marauderssmut @maybank-cameron-fan @arinadixin @maxine27 @wostarsea @lilymaybank @jennapancake @dreamzluvrr @formulalfc @h1storicbabe @maybankswhore @haven247 @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @ineedtosusoutmyreadinglist @drudyslut @rockychick @little-frk-satellite @gwenlovesharrystyles @rudspankow @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @bobo-bush

[obx-paradise]

How Did I Get Here?

Summary: JJ couldn't imagine a life without his girl by his side

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Pogue!reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Spoilers for season 4 part 2, fluff, not proofread, and that's all I can think of

a/n: Inspired by a post by @adrienneleclerc I hope I did it justice

~~~

“Mom, I’m going out!” Jackson yelled across the house to his mother in the kitchen preparing a snack.

He was going to meet up with Rafe and Topper at Rafe’s house. The 3 of them have been a trio since they were young. Although he doesn’t always agree with what they say or how they act, they’ve always stuck by him so he continues to do the same.

“Okay, sweety! Come say bye properly!”

Rolling his eyes, Jackson stepped away from the door and made his way to the kitchen. Jackson considered his mother his hero. His dad had left before he was born so it was just him, his mom, and his grandpa. 

Walking into the kitchen he found his mother. “Bye, Mom”

She turned around to face her son with a warm smile on her face, one that always made Jackson feel safe. Walking towards him, she wrapped her arms around him, “Bye, honey. When will you be back?”

“Umm… I don’t really know. Definitely before dinner, though” Jackson rushed his words knowing that Rafe and Topper would be annoyed with him for being late

“Alright, well have a good time… Be safe!” she yelled after him as he rushed out the door. 

~~~

As Jackson arrived at Rafe’s house, he let himself in and made his way to the living room.

“Hey, guys” Jackson found Rafe and Topper sitting around the coffee table with drinks around them.

“Hey, man. You’re late.”

“Yeah, I know. I didn't realize the time. Anyway, are y’all ready to go?” Jackson questioned knowing that they had plans to go out on The Druthers.

“Yeah, let's go”

The three of them made their way outside, all the way out to the dock before realizing that there was maintenance being done on it. 

“Yo, who’s that?” Jackson asked

“Some pogue my dad hired to take care of the boat. John B Routledge.”

Jackson has heard that name before. That’s the guy whose dad went missing months ago. Everyone knew about it, about him, but he’d never talked to him before.

“Hey, you wanna have some fun?” Rafe asked with a smirk on his face, looking at Topper on his left and Jackson on his right

“Fuck yeah”

“Nah man,”

Topper and Jackson spoke at the same time.

“C’mon let’s leave him be,” he said, trying to get them to leave the pogue alone

“Whatever,” the pair said while walking back inside, Jackson following them

~~~

It was a couple of days later when Jackson caught wind of a boneyard party that was happening that night. He wanted to go so he (obviously) told Rafe and Topper. Rafe turned him down not wanting to “party with the pogues” but Topper was all for it.

They got to the party at around 8 p.m. just as the sun had set. Jackson had gone to hundreds of parties just like this one, yet he felt something different with this one. 

It was late into the night when Jackson and Topper went to get more drinks. On the way to the keg, Topper bumped into a girl which caused her to spill her beer all over him.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed

Topper wasn’t one to accept apologies easily, especially from a pogue, “Ugh! What is wrong with you?! This shit was expensive!”

She looked up at Topper and then to Jackon who was standing next to him. “Look, I said I was sorry. There’s not much else I can do for you.”

Despite the situation, Jackson couldn’t help but feel like he’d seen her before. Possibly around the island but still.

“Stupid pogues! Always ruining everything!” Topper spat out

The whole scene caught the attention of people around them. 

“Hey, back off man!” John B ran to defend his friend, pushing Topper back by his shoulders

After that things escalated quickly. John B and Topper went at it,  fighting and eventually ending up in the sand. Jackson tried to de-escalate the situation and eventually managed to pry Topper off of the poor pogue. “C’mon, man let’s go”

“Really Jackson? What? They’re just gonna get away with it? No! I don’t know if you forgot but you’re a kook! You were born a kook, and you’ll die a kook! So, whose side are you on?”

Jackson looked around, hating having all the attention on him. Already knowing his answer, he walked over and stood by John B and the mystery girl who had spilled her drink. He was just trying to do the right thing like his mother always taught him to.

Topper scoffed and stormed off, Jackson’s actions giving him his answer. With him gone, John B and the girl went to thank Jackson. John B’s thank you is much shorter than hers.

“Thank you so much,” she engulfed him in a tight hug

“Yeah, no problem. I know it’s not an excuse but he’s really drunk,” he said hesitantly wrapping his arms around her. Again, he got this weird feeling around her. “Hey, what’s your name?”

“Oh,” she pulled away from him, “Sorry, it's y/n. You’re JJ, right?”

“Umm… no I’m Jackson,” he said confused. Looking around he saw that everything around him was faded. All he could see was her. Y/n.

“Yeah, JJ. That’s what I said.”

Jackson couldn’t help but wonder “What is going on?”

“No… see– I don’t think you’re hearing me correctly. It’s Jackson.”

“JJ,”

“No…”

“JJ,”

~~~

“JJ! Baby wake up!”

JJ shot up with a loud gasp. He looked around and saw all his friends (plus Rafe) gathered around him but more specifically, Y/n. His girlfriend. 

“What happened?”

Y/n had tears of joy in her eyes, she was just relieved he was okay. “That son of a bitch Groff stabbed you. I managed to get you somewhere safe before anything bad happened but you still passed out. How do you feel?”

“I’m ok. Better now that I’m with you again…” He looked around at all his friends with a tired yet playful smile on his face, “...and you guys too, I guess”

They all laughed and spent time together before the sunset, they had to start a fire. They sat around the fire sharing stories, anything to lighten the mood after the day they had. 

“Okay so get this. I had a dream while I was out. And you were there, and you were there, and you were there, you weren’t there… it was really weird.” He said while pointing his finger at whoever he was directing his words to.

“...Y’all know how Groff is my real dad?” he spoke so calmly, almost lightheartedly as if that same man hadn’t almost killed him earlier. “Well, I dreamt that I had grown up as a kook. Went to the kook academy, had a nice house, Rafe and I were friends… eww. Anyways, I realized I would’ve hated growing up like that. Even though I’ve had a tough time growing up I wouldn’t trade it for anything because it gave me you guys. My real family.”

As he finished his rant, everyone fell silent. The first one to speak up was Pope. “That was really deep, man.” The group burst out in laughter. The atmosphere felt light and happy for once.

Quietly, as everyone went back to their conversations, JJ turned to you and whispered, “You wanna know one more reason I would’ve hated being a kook?”

“Sure,” 

“I would’ve never met you,” he spoke with a small smile on his lips

You let out a small playful gasp, “Me? Wait, you don’t… love me, do you?”

“Maybe a little”

[sweetpayaso]

N’awww!! Look at the boys hanging out! 🩵🤡 That second panel is so cute!

Thank you very much for this, dude! I love your art so much!

Very late ass request but I got an idea eventually and it was very fun! Feat. @sweetpayaso Cade/Cake Topper!

Images taken minutes before disaster.

Bonus: It was in fact... Not fine.

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

Ricky Martin - La Bomba 1998

Puerto Rican singer-songwriter Ricky Martin began his musical career at twelve as a member of Puerto Rican boyband Menudo. His solo career started in 1991, and his third album, A Medio Vivir (1995), helped him rise to prominence in European countries.

"La Bomba" was the third single from his fourth studio album, Vuelve (1998). The album earned Martin his first Grammy Award. The song's title, which translates to "the Bomb" in English, is derived from the Afro-Puerto Rican dance music of the same name. Lyrically, it is a metaphor in which Martin compares the bomba music "to a drink that makes you drunk; the listener is high from the rhythm of the dance".

"La Bomba" is one of Martin's most commercially successful songs in his career. It was a top-five hit in Central American countries, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, and Nicaragua. The song peaked at number 27 on the US Billboard Hot Latin Tracks chart while in the same week, the song peaked at numbers 11 and 13 on Billboard's Latin Pop Songs and Tropical/Salsa charts, respectively. In Spain, it reached number five, giving Martin his second top-five hit in the country, following his 1998 chart-topper hit, "La Copa de la Vida". "La Bomba" also peaked in the top 40 of several non Spanish-speaking countries, such as Australia and Sweden. It won the award for Best Danceable Tune at the 1999 Premios Eres.

"La Bomba" received a total of 85,3% yes votes!

[bradshawed]

NEWTON'S LAWS, PROLOGUE

main & series masterlist !

introducing... the lion and his lioness prey pairing: f1!raphael cameron & reporter!reader

An apple fell from a tree and well... you know the rest. Much like Newton's apple, you fell right in his path, the lion's path, and he deemed you his prey. Silly boy. That was his first mistake.

A tale as old as time, Newton & his gravity, faceclaim: HoYeon Jung & various pinterest girls

warnings! no warnings for this prologue

chapter 1 ...

With the 2024 season coming to an end, the driver market for 2025 has been taking shape, with several big moves announced. Let's take a look at who will be driving where...

READ MORE: FIA and Formula 1 announce calendar for 2025

Red Bull Raphael Cameron – #1 Cleo Anderson – #208

Rafe Cameron has been locked in at Red Bull, with the world champion's deal running to running through to the end of 2028. This has not prevented speculation over a possible move elsewhere, amid rumours of interest from Ferrari. Cameron has stated, however, that he is not considering changing teams.

While Sergio Perez signed a contract extension earlier in the season to keep him at the team through to 2026, the Mexican and Red Bull subsequently reached an agreement to part ways with immediate effect following the conclusion of a tough campaign. His seat will be filled by Cleo Anderson, the first female F1 driver since Maria Teresa de Filippis, Lella Lombardi and Susie Wolff, who has impressed at the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix.

EXCLUSIVE: 'The perfect match' – Anderson and new team boss Verstappen on her multi-year Red Bull deal

Ferrari Charles Leclerc – #16 John Booker Routledge – #5

Following Carlos Sainz' retirement when it was confirmed at the end of the 2022 season, rookie John B. Routledge has made the step up from F2 to F1 and has impressed many, following in the footsteps of his father and seven-time world champion.

The other spot at Ferrari will be retained by Charles Leclerc. Having raced for the Scuderia since 2019, the Monegasque has pledged his future to the squad, having signed a contract extension which will see him stay with the team for several more years.

McLaren Lando Norris – #4 Oscar Piastri – #81

As they continue their progression following a rapid surge in performance during 2023, McLaren have settled on their driver line-up for the long-term. Lando Norris – who has been racing for the team since making his F1 debut in 2019 – agreed a new “extended multi-year” contract with the squad prior to the start of 2024.

Joining him will be Oscar Piastri, with the Australian also committed to the team after signing a multi-year extension until the end of 2026.

READ MORE: ‘I want to do it with McLaren’ – F1’s newest winner Lando Norris on loyalty to his team, and taking the fight to Cameron

Mercedes Lewis Hamilton – #44 Topper Thornton – #47

Lewis Hamilton will remain with Mercedes in 2025, marking his thirteenth season racing for the team. It was confirmed in August 2023 that the Briton had signed a new two-year deal to keep him at the Silver Arrows through to the end of next season.

While the same contract was announced for George Russell, he ultimately activated a release option to allow for his move but was left without a seat in the 2025 season, announcing his retirement shortly after. His replacement will be reserve driver Topper Thornton, moving 2024 F2 driver and long-time Mercedes protégé Kimi Antonelli to the reserve driver position, with Team Principal Toto Wolff hoping to have uncovered the next Max Verstappen given the young Italian’s sparkling junior category CV.

RB Yuki Tsunoda – #22 JJ Maybank – #6

It was announced prior to the Canadian Grand Prix that Yuki Tsunoda will continue to race for RB in 2025 after the team took up an option on their agreement with the Japanese driver, marking his fifth season at the Red Bull sister outfit.

Daniel Ricciardo made way for JJ Maybank for the United States Grand Prix after an inconsistent season, becoming the 19th driver to be promoted to F1 from Red Bull's junior programme.

READ MORE: How JJ Maybank's move from pro-surfer to F1 driver played out

Williams Alex Albon – #23 Franco Colapinto – #43

Alex Albon will enter his fourth season as a Williams driver in 2025, having signed a multi-year contract extension with the team which will keep him there through to 2026.

At the end of August, Williams announced that their academy driver and F2 racer Franco Colapinto will contest the remainder of the 2024 season with the squad, replacing Logan Sargeant as Alex Albon’s team mate from the Italian Grand Prix. Following this move, Colapinto has signed a multi-year deal for the team, giving them continuity into the new year of engine regulations.

Aston Martin Fernando Alonso – #14 Lance Stroll – # 18

Fernando Alonso enjoyed an impressive start to his tenure with Aston Martin in 2023 and, while the team have struggled to maintain those results, the Spaniard has reaffirmed his belief in the project by signing a deal that will keep him at the squad until at least the end of 2026.

Lance Stroll – who has been incumbent on the line-up since joining in their Racing Point guise back in 2019 – has also been confirmed at the team for 2025 alongside Alonso, giving the team helpful continuity.

READ MORE: ‘It’s probably my last contract’ – Alonso reflects on new Aston Martin deal as he predicts ‘things are in place’ to become a ‘powerful team’

Alpine Esteban Ocon – #31 Pierre Gasly – #10

Esteban Ocon was set to leave following a five-year stint with the squad but with the volatile driver's market, Ocon signed a deal that will keep him with Alpine until at least the end of 2026.

Team mate Pierre Gasly has been re-signed to the squad on a multi-year extension. He will be joined by reserve driver Jack Doohan, who won out over other candidates to step up to F1 in 2025 - and where his development will be overseen by new Team Principle Oliver Oakes.

Haas Kevin Magnussen – #20 Nico Hulkenberg – #27

After returning to the F1 grid with Haas in 2023, Nico Hulkenberg has signed a contract extension that will see him remain with the squad until the end of 2028. It was also confirmed in July that with Kevin Magnussen's contract expiring at the close of 2024, he may be departing at the end of the current campaign, but he too signed an extension that will see him with Haas until the end of 2028.

Kick Sauber Zhou Guanyu – #24 Valtteri Bottas – #77

Zhou Guanyu and Valtteri Bottas' contracts see them with the squad until the end of the 2025, after which they will both be set to depart.

Following the San Paulo Grand Prix weekend the team confirmed that rookie Gabriel Bortoleto would be joining as the reserve driver, with the potential to move up to a full-time position in 2026.

READ MORE: Kick Sauber confirm rookie Bortoleto as reserve driver for 2025

If you would like to be added to the taglist, please let me know. And, if you want to remain tagged, you must interact with the posts (credits to Zya).

taglist for f=ma, @vampteeths @zya8tracks @edwardslvrr @potatodirectioner

note! credits to @zyafics for her layout, it was such a good idea to repeat the summary at the top for each chapter and to place the taglist and author's note at the end, ily and thank u for letting me use it. sorry for getting a little lazy with the article towards the end... i didn't want to miss anyone out for new readers that aren't familiar with f1 and how many teams there are, etc but equally i couldn't come up with anything new to say

[starkeymuse]

decode | rafe cameron | part two

summary: grace knew the outer banks were full of dangerous currents, but she never expected rafe cameron to be one of them.

warnings: mentions of violence.

this is a long one but i wanted to work on expanding my plot and the relationships more. enjoy!

✧ listen to: midnight love by girl in red ✧

grace's pov

the sunlight filtered through the trees around john b’s house, soft and golden, making everything feel deceptively peaceful. we were gathered on the porch, sprawled across mismatched chairs and cushions, the smell of sea salt and faintly burnt toast lingering in the air. i was seated cross-legged on the couch, a crinkled letter from denmark tanny balanced on my lap. my fingers absently traced over the faded ink, the curls of the handwriting worn smooth from age.

john b paced in front of us, his usual air of determination bubbling beneath his casual demeanor. kiara, sitting on the edge of a chair, looked like she might burst any second. i could almost hear the words she was holding back, the frustration radiating from her in waves. the sound of jj laughing at something pope had said in the background only partially registered as my mind wandered to the conversation from the night before with rafe.

"so, we know where the gold is,” john b said, his voice cutting through the chatter. “it’s not at the bottom of the ocean. it’s been hidden on tannyhill plantation all this time."

"no way,” i breathed, my pulse quickening. the idea of the gold being so close, right under our noses, was a lot to swallow.

“okay, but how are we supposed to get to it?” pope asked, leaning back and crossing his arms.

"we’re going to need sarah’s help with this. the original maps are in her house somewhere." john b. said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

i glanced over at sarah, sitting quietly across from me. i didn’t know what to make of her, not after everything kie has said about her. she was a kook, but something about her made me hesitate to lump her in with the rest of them.

kiara was the first to speak up, "wait a second. are you seriously suggesting we let her in on this?"

“yeah, i am,” john b said, meeting kiara’s glare head-on.

“you know,” kiara began, standing up so abruptly that her chair scraped against the floor, “i don’t remember taking a vote. this is our thing, a pogue thing. and now you’re just letting her in?”

john b sighed, running a hand through his hair. “kie, this isn’t just about being a pogue. it’s about finding the gold. sarah can help us."

“we were all fine until you brought her here!” kiara's voice grew louder, her anger boiling over. she took a step closer to him, eyes flashing.

my eyes flicked to sarah. she didn’t flinch, though her fingers tightened around the edge of her seat. the words were harsh, sure, but they weren’t entirely wrong. even if I didn’t agree with kiara’s anger, i was still trying to understand it.

"can you not talk about me like i’m not here?” sarah said, a tinge of annoyance creeping into her tone.

kiara’s lips pressed into a tight line, her eyes narrowing. “then leave,” she snapped, and i could see the walls going up again, just like that. the hurt was clear on kiara’s face, and i knew this wasn’t just about sarah. it was about feeling betrayed by john b, too.

john b stepped in, trying to de-escalate. “sarah’s my girlfriend now, okay? so maybe get used to it.”

"so, what? that makes it all okay?" kiara’s eyes practically shot fire as she turned on him. "did you know your brother, topper , and kelce jumped pope?" kiara shot at sarah, her voice loud and seething with anger. "those are your people, sarah. so don’t sit here and act like we’re all supposed to pretend you’re just one of us.."

sarah looked at john b, her eyes softening for a moment before she responded, “i told you."

kiara’s lips curled into a sneer. “told him what? that you’re a liar?”

sarah’s eyes flickered with annoyance. “no,” she shot back, her tone suddenly biting, “that you’re a shit talking bitch.”

jj and pope gasp and start pulling money out of their pockets as kiara and sarah continued their back-and-forth, the two lounged side by side on the couch, their eyes flicking between the two girls with a mix of amusement and curiosity. they leaned in closer, speaking in hushed tones as they exchanged sly grins.

jj nudged pope’s shoulder with his elbow, his voice barely above a whisper. "who you got? kie or sarah?"

pope smirked, leaning back slightly. "kiara’s got the aggresion right now, but sarah’s got that whole ‘rich girl calm’ thing going on. bet kiara’s the one who throws the first punch."

jj glanced over at me, raising an eyebrow as he nudged me with his elbow. "come on, grace, bet with us. five bucks kie breaks something."

i rolled my eyes but couldn’t suppress a small grin. "you guys are ridiculous."

pope gave a playful wink. "10 bucks kie punches her first."

i smirked, my arms crossed over my chest as i shook her head. "i’m not betting on this."

but then, i caught a glimpse of john b’s face, and everything else faded away for a moment. his expression was a mix of panic and helplessness, like he didn’t know how to fix this, like he was already bracing himself for it to all fall apart. his eyes flickered between kiara and sarah. he didn’t know what to do. he needed help. i could’ve stayed quiet, and let them hash it out themselves, but something about the way john b looked at me made me realize i couldn’t just sit here and watch it explode.

“alright, enough,” i said, cutting through the bickering with a sharpness i didn’t even know i had. i wasn’t yelling, but there was enough authority in my voice to stop both girls in their tracks.

“look, i get it. you guys don’t like each other. but this isn’t going to solve anything,” i said, trying to keep my voice even. “fighting about this isn’t going to get us closer to the gold.”

i took a deep breath and stepped a little closer to kiara, my voice softening. “i get why you’re mad. but this isn’t the time for this. we’re supposed to be a team. we can’t let this mess things up.”

for a moment, kiara looked like she was about to snap back, but then she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “fine. whatever.”

without another word, she stormed off, the screen door slamming behind her with a force that rattled the whole porch.

jj let out a low whistle. “there she goes."

i didn’t know if i should go after her or let her cool down. but i wasn’t the one who was mad at sarah. i just couldn’t help but feel bad for kiara, watching her walk off in frustration like that, feeling not heard and betrayed.

“look, i had no idea pope was jumped,” sarah said, her words coming out slower, like she was thinking carefully about each one. “i’m really sorry.”

sarah’s apology hung in the air for a moment before pope spoke up, his voice softer than usual. “it’s okay, sarah. it’s not your fault.”

i couldn’t help but feel a little relieved at his words. it was a step toward peace, even if it was a small one. maybe things didn’t have to be as tense as they seemed.

but then, as if to shake off the last remnants of that uneasy feeling, i shifted uncomfortably in my seat, my thoughts drifting to last night. my encounter with topper and rafe. i hadn’t wanted to bring it up, but now it felt like it was sitting there, waiting to be acknowledged.

i let out a small sigh, meeting sarah's eyes briefly before speaking. i ran into topper and rafe last night," i muttered. 'topper grabbed me, but... rafe actually stepped in and stopped him."

sarah gave a small, tight-lipped smile, almost like she wanted to say something but held herself back. instead, she just nodded, and the group seemed to collectively exhale, ready to move on.

"well,” john b began, clearing his throat, “back to business. we need to get those maps."

marcy’s was a fixture on the island. named after paul’s late wife, it had been around for decades, a favorite for locals who wanted fresh seafood and tourists hoping to stumble upon a hidden gem. paul had poured everything he had into keeping it alive after marcy passed, and i’d been lucky enough to work there since i was barely fourteen.

paul had a way of handing out life advice when you least expected it. “grace,” he’d say, his voice gruff but kind, “sometimes you’ve got to let things simmer. rushing ruins the flavor.” he’d usually be talking about a chowder or sauce, but i’d long since learned he meant more than just food.

tonight, though, paul was gone, having handed me the keys hours earlier with his usual, “don’t forget to lock up, kid. and take home some damn leftovers.” before disappearing into the night. the restaurant felt different when it was empty, quieter, but not silent. it was like the walls still held onto the day’s laughter and chatter, leaving behind a hum of energy even after everyone was gone.

i was finishing up the last of my closing tasks, wiping down the counter, when the bell above the door chimed. my stomach flipped at the sound, i wasn’t expecting anyone this late.

“we’re closed,” i called out, setting the rag down and turning to the door. he looked out of place against the worn booths and framed photos of sunsets, his clean-cut appearance contrasting with the casual charm of marcy’s.

"i know," rafe replied.

he stood with his hands in his pockets, the faint light catching on the edges of his sharp jawline. his t-shirt clung just right against his frame. his pants were perfectly worn, and for a brief, traitorous second, i thought he looked unfairly good.

i stared at him, heart pounding in a mix of surprise and irritation. “what are you doing here, rafe?”

he hesitated, like he wasn’t even sure himself. “you work here?”

i raised an eyebrow, the sarcasm slipping out before i could stop it. “no, i just wear the apron for kicks.”

“yeah, obviously i work here,” i added, shaking my head in disbelief.

he rolled his eyes at my response, but a smirk was tugging at the corner of his lips.

"we're closed. take the hint." i said, gesturing to the empty restaurant.

"grace, wait-“ he said, moving further into the room.

“no, seriously.” i dropped the rag on the counter, irritation flooding through me. “you think you can just show up here after midsummers and—what? make small talk? you’re unbelievable.”

i noticed for the first time how much the weight of his usual arrogance had disappeared. it wasn’t a look i was used to seeing on him. silence stretched between us, only the low hum of the restaurant lights breaking the stillness. he took a small step closer, but i didn’t back away. he could’ve walked out right then and left me alone, but he didn’t. instead, his eyes met mine and held them, looking like he was searching for something, anything that would make me understand.

“i wanted to apologize,” he said finally, the words hanging heavy in the air.

i blinked, caught off guard by the bluntness of it. “what?”

he let out a short breath, like he was bracing himself. “i’m serious,” he said, his voice lower now. “about pope. About what i did or didn’t do. i… i should’ve stopped it.”

my chest tightened, and for a second, i felt like i couldn’t breathe. part of me wanted to laugh, to brush it off like i always did, but there was something in his face that made it hard to ignore. i felt guilty for noticing it, for even listening to him right now. as if by giving in, even a little, i was betraying my best friends.

"you can’t undo what happened, rafe,” i said, my voice tight.

“i know,” he muttered, looking away like my words had physically hit him. "you think i don't know that? i've been trying to pretend like it’s nothing, but…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "i hate myself for it."

i swallowed hard, the weight of his confession sitting in my chest. hearing him say it didn’t fix anything. but something in me shifted—cracked, maybe. i wasn’t used to seeing rafe like this—unguarded, honest. my gut twisted, caught between the anger i wanted to hold onto and something i still couldn’t name.

"why are you telling me this?" i asked, softer now, the words slipping out before i could stop them.

he looked back at me, his blue eyes searching mine, like he was hoping i could see past the mess of him. "because i think you're the only person who might actually believe me."

i didn’t know how to respond to that. rafe had always been this untouchable figure in my life, reckless, entitled, the kind of guy you hated without thinking twice. but right then, in the dim light of the empty restaurant, he seemed… different. i felt something stir in me that i didn’t want to acknowledge. it made my chest tighten.

i took a deep breath, trying to push that feeling down. "you can’t expect me to just forgive you," i said, the words more cold than i wanted them to be. i didn’t want to be nice. i didn’t want to let him in, even just for a moment. not when everything in me screamed that it would be a betrayal to my friends, to pope, especially.

“i don’t,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “i don’t expect anything, grace. i just… i needed you to know I’m sorry.”

i watched him for a long moment, the weight of his words pressing down on me. i sighed, brushing a hand through my hair. i didn’t know what to do with the part of me that wanted to believe him.

"go home, rafe," i said finally, my voice soft, but still firm. my hands trembled slightly as i crossed my arms, the walls coming back up, again.

he looked at me for a beat longer, like he was hoping for something, anything from me. but when i didn’t say anything else, he nodded.

“goodnight, grace,” he murmured.

i didn’t respond. i just watched him turn, heading back toward the door, his footsteps echoing in the empty restaurant.

but then, before he fully stepped out, he paused. something shifted in his posture as he turned back toward me, eyes locking with mine again. there was an unreadable expression on his face, like he hadn’t quite said everything he needed to.

"oh, and topper’s a fucking idiot. everything he said? it's not true." he hesitated for a moment, then glanced back at me, his expression softening. "far from it."

with that, he turned, the door swinging shut behind him, his footsteps fading into the night.

i shook my head, muttering to myself, trying to push the thoughts away. "this is ridiculous," i whispered. but deep down, i knew it wasn’t just going to go away. not yet, at least.

turning back to the counter, i grabbed the rag i’d left behind and started wiping it down absently. the quiet of the night pressed in on me, but all i could hear now was the soft echo of his voice: "far from it."

denial is a river in egypt @ grace ;)

i hope you enjoyed this part! i enjoyed writing it. i love awkward rafe

please like and comment if u want, no pressure. <3333 mwah. stay tuned for part 3 soon.

[insidekatmind]

P links p.13

Pope Heyward

Morning sex

him after losing his family's cross

Backshots

He so obsessed fuck your ass

you are allowing him to take out his frustration on you

how to spend free time

Blowjob

Jonathan Deviss

He uses you as his slut

you had to rehearse the script

a different afternoon

try to make him relax

after jonathan reassured carlacia that you and him were just friends

He fuck your attitude

He eat you

[prncssie]

Absolutely feral for the aphrodisiac chocolate drabble! what would have happened if you extended it into an entire fic? 👀👀 *wink wink*

hmmm should i? i usually don’t really plan on extending any of my drabbles n i actually don’t go back n reread them bc they’re vastly different from how i write now ( 2 me ) but that one gets a lot of love

that being saiddddd idk if i’d actually ever extend it but here’s a little something of what would happen later that day broken down into two liddol moments bc bc bc idk if i would write it and if i dooo i don’t wanna spoil it c: mdni black fem coded reader unedited

the car ride back to your university apartment. that had to be one of the most tense moments hobie has even been in, even when he compares it to all the times he’s spent flying through the air with multiple near misses from the amount of concrete rubble thrown at him from half human-half animal villains hellbent on ruining new york.

he is ultimately forced to next to you, breathing in the smell of your sweet perfume. today, he watched you spritz the yellow sol de janero —brazilian crush cheirosa 62 —bottle over your body, naked and highlighted in a dewy sheen from the baby oil you applied to your damp skin, fresh out the shower.

the thought makes his dick absolutely throb in his jeans, baggy but somehow still tight. he’s abandoned the mass of silvery and studded belts, throwing them across the backseat of your sedan. occasionally, when you slow for a red light or make a less than smooth turn around the corner, the buckles jingle and clank against each other.

his brain is muddied with images of your body, basking golden in the sunlight. he remembers lazing about, strewn across your bed and watching in adoration as you get ready for the outing. he’s mad at himself for not taking advantage of the opportunity and sweeping you off your feet, never mind that the aphrodisiac hadn’t had an effect.

“you sure you can’t pull over and give me head?”

your eyes are blown wide, truly in shock that after just fucking your face in the mall dressing room, he wants to go again. not even ten minutes ago, you were swallowing his cum and being dragged towards the exit promptly after. “what? hobie, i drive a fishbowl. that’s literally illegal.”

“so then pull somewhere empty. i’ll give you head, first. consider it a reward.” hobie thumbs at the bottom of your sweater, reaching over the middle console and hooking his fingers under the buttery smooth material. the pads of his appendages rubs against your skin and for a moment, your heart begins to race.

“hobart larry brown.” you have to force your voice to remain still and firm despite the turmoil building inside you. he’s too convincing with his sly words and suggestive touches. he’s the one under the influence and here he is, influencing you.

he clicks his tongue and disappointment and pulls his hand away. much like how you would, he huffs out a breath of air and crosses his arms over his chest. out the corner of your eye, you can see his legs wide open in a manspread. “fine. be a boring conformist.”

it’s comical how fast hobie pushed you through the entryway door to your apartment. you suppose you would have laughed when you stumbled over the long laces of your air forces if the context hadn’t been so provocative. you would have giggled when hobie circles his arms around your waist and lift you in the air. instead, you consider yourself lucky that your roommates aren’t in the common space to witness this, and possibly not here at all.

regardless, hobie would have done the same. he would have paraded into your room and slammed the door shut if they were here or not. he does it now, setting you down as gently as he can manage against your bed, softened by the mattress topper and flushed sheets.

he’s impatient and you can tell because he nearly forgets to lock the door behind him. had you not reminded him, pointing to the brass doorknob, it would have escaped him entirely.

it’s in record time that he’s got your legs spread and one pushed into the comforter, knee bent and trembling in the air. he slurps and suckles your cunt, dripping in runny arousal. hobie’s is relentless, stuck in an infinite cycle of trying to milk your cunt dry despite the never ending arousal that gushes out.

you can sob and cry all you want but he isn’t deterred. if anything, it’s encouragement. it’s like positive reinforcement to taste you like this, indulging in the subtle taste of sour acidity — completely natural and hobie’s favorite drug.

back arching of the sage green bedsheets, you’re body is already spent. hobie hasn’t put a single thing inside your throbbing pussy. not his dick, not his fingers, just the wet, warm muscle of his tongue wriggling and toying with your cunt. you’re delirious after cumming three times in the last few minutes, each weaker than the last.

“icanticanticant —!” your palm comes in contact with hobie’s coarse wicks, and not for the first time either. his forehead feels warm beneath it, clammy with a thin layer of sweat from exerting such physical activity.

pop! hobie’s hand falls hot against your skin. from between your legs, he lifts his head with a scowl. his face reflects an expression you’ve never seen on him before, as if you’re stepped between him and his greatest desire. “try that shit again, bug. see what i do to you.”

you’re hesitant to move, knowing that once you do, the onslaught of his tongue would proceed again. it just barely borders a dull sensation of pain and has you convinced there’s no more you can give him so quickly and back-to-back. still, your body has been manipulated into craving him. you need more; your nerves are certain of it.

you don’t move fast enough for hobie’s liking. his stare hardens and he raises a thick brow. you’re still restricting his access when he sits up a little more. “i’m not playing with your lil’ ass. move your fuckin’ hand or i’m tying them back.”

he’s never spoken to you this way, not once. not even in your most intimate and heated moments under the privacy of the night and locked away in one of your rooms. his tone invokes a carnal desire and you comply, slowly pulling your hand away.

you sort of expect praise, some form of acknowledgment that you did something right. yet, nothing like that comes. the only that happens is the resuming of hobie’s mouth against your cunt.

[storiesforallfandoms]

the most wonderful time ~ bucky barnes;marvel

word count: 1713

request?: no

description: bucky has his first perfectly at peace christmas since before he became the winter soldier, and it is truly the most wonderful time of the year for him

pairing: bucky barnes x female!reader

warnings: christmas fluff

masterlist (one, two, three)

When Bucky first came into your life, he was very hesitant to let himself fall. He was still in his de-programming process, so he wasn’t sure if he was safe to be around yet. Not to mention he wasn’t sure if you’d want him around considering his past. But he couldn’t help it. From the moment he laid his eyes on you, he was in love with you and you felt the same way.

The early years of your relationship was hard to say the least. Bucky was staying in Wakanda so that Shuri could successfully rid him of the Hydra brainwashing, so you would visit him every now and then, but you had a job and a life back in New York that you couldn’t be away from for too long. And then there was the whole blip situation, during which you found out you were pregnant with Bucky’s baby.

When he came back, there was so much he had missed. It took a while for things to become somewhat “normal” in your household. But if there was one thing you were determined to give to Bucky, it was his first normal Christmas since the 1940s.

You were sat on the floor, gazing lovingly at your boyfriend as he held your five year old son effortlessly with his left arm while the young boy decorated the Christmas tree. Or rather, while he put a bunch of ornaments in one spot and Bucky fixed them so they were more spread out.

You were supposed to be untangling the lights that were for the outside of the house, but you couldn’t help but get distracted by the perfect sight before you. Bucky’s smile was one of the many genuine smiles you had caught from him since he came back and got to meet his son, and the young boy was just excited at the prospect of Santa coming soon. His wishlist had changed at least once a day since the beginning of December and he still couldn’t understand why you kept telling him he couldn’t send multiple letters to Santa.

Bucky looked over and caught your gaze. He raised an eyebrow at you before playfully asking, “The untangling going good over there, honey?”

You held up the ball of Christmas lights. “As well as you could imagine.”

“You look like you’re really invested in it.”

You stuck your tongue out at him, which he mirrored in response.

“Mommy, come help with the tree,” your son, Steven, said. He had his little arms full with decorations to a point where he was almost dropping them.

You stood from the floor and took a couple from him and started to decorate the other side of the tree. Soon enough, the whole thing was full with store bought red and gold baubles and a small handful of special decorations you had gotten for Steven since he was born. You knew that soon enough, the tree would be more special decorations than store bought ones now that the three of you were finally together for Christmas again.

“What do you think, sport?” Bucky asked Steven. “Should we put the tree topper on?”

“That’s mommy’s job!” Steven said. “She always does it!”

You took the tree topper from one of the containers that held your Christmas decorations. It was wrapped up in many layers of paper and bubble wrap to make sure it didn’t break. You unwrapped it and held it out to Bucky.

“I think you and daddy can do it this year, Steven,” you said. “Mommy will put it on next year.”

Steven reached out with his tiny hands, taking hold of the star very gently. He knew how important it was to you - it was a family heirloom passed down for generations - and he knew to be careful with it as not to break it.

Bucky raised Steven up to the top of the tree so he could perfectly place the star at the top. You plugged it in with the tree lights and then plugged the lights into the wall, illuminating the room in beautiful golden lighting. You stepped back to stand next to Bucky to admire the tree.

“It’s beautiful,” Steven decided.

You smiled at the young boy. “I couldn’t have said it better myself, buddy.”

~~~~~~

Later that night, after putting Steven to bed, you found Bucky sat on the couch, just looking at the tree. The sun had gone down, plunging the room into darkness save for the lamp on the end table and the light from the tree. It looked even more beautiful in such a dark setting like this.

You sat down next to Bucky. He instinctively put his arm around you and pulled you into his side. You rested your head on his shoulder, joining him in watching the tree.

“The last Christmas I remember was the one in 1942 before I went off to fight the war,” he told you. “It was the first Christmas after Steve’s mom had died so my parents insisted he come stay with us. They went out and got him presents and everything so that he’d feel more at home there.”

“What did they get him?” you asked.

Bucky chuckled. “They tried to get him some new clothes, but they didn’t make sizes that small for men back then. Almost everything he wore was super baggy around him. He was grateful for it, though. He wanted to spend Christmas alone, but my mom wouldn’t hear of it.”

“That’s so sweet.”

A silence fell over the two of you again. You could feel the steady drumming of Bucky’s heart against your cheek. His metal arm was idly running over your skin, the coolness of it sending shivers through your body.

“I want this Christmas to be memorable for you, too,” you told him. “Like a good memorable.”

“Of course it’s going to be memorable for me,” he assured you. “I never thought I’d have a family of my own to spend Christmas with. I didn’t think I was even capable to have kids anymore, or if it was even a good idea for me to have any.”

When you looked up at him, you could see a hard expression on his face, like something dark had taken over his thoughts.

“What are you thinking about?” you asked him.

“How I can’t believe this is the first Christmas I’m getting with my own son, and he’s already had four Christmases before now.”

“Buck, you can’t be hard on yourself over the blip. You had no bearing in that happening. All of you fought so hard against Thanos to stop it from happening, it was just...inevitable.”

“If we had known you were pregnant, I never would’ve taken up T’Challa’s offer to join the fight. I would’ve come right back to New York to be with you instead.”

“And you still would’ve been dusted. Whether you were in Wakanda in the fight or you were here with me, it wouldn’t have mattered. Besides, I don’t think I could’ve handled watching you turn to dust in front of me with no explanation as to why it happened.”

Bucky sighed and held you tightly to him. You couldn’t lie, you had also often thought about the “what ifs” of the blip. What if Bucky had been in New York with you instead of in Wakanda when the battle started? What if you had been there instead? What if Bucky hadn’t been dusted and had actually gotten to be there for Steven the last five years? But you never talked about it with Bucky. You knew how hard it was for him to look at Steven, a five year old boy who looked exactly like Bucky, and realize how much of his son’s life he had missed. But you didn’t want him to beat himself up over it when there was nothing Bucky could’ve done to change the outcome of battle in Wakanda.

“Enough of this,” you decided, pulling out of Bucky’s arms to stand. “We’re supposed to be holly and jolly, not sad and glum. I’m getting us some eggnog.”

Bucky scrunched his nose. “Eggnog?”

“Spiked eggnog.”

This sparked his attention more. “Spiked with what?”

“Well, for me I have normal whiskey, but for you I got some of that Asgardian alcohol from Thor. He said it works on Gods and on Super Soldiers, so you may actually get a buzz from it.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

You chuckled and went to the kitchen to get your drinks. As you went to walk through the doorway, you noticed something hung at the top - mistletoe. You smiled to yourself. “Hey Buck, can you come here actually?”

“What is it, doll?”

“Just come here for a second.”

You heard him get up from the couch and walk towards the kitchen. You stood in the doorway, watching as he appeared and came closer to you. He looked at you in confusion as you smiled at him and nodded towards the fake flower hanging from the doorway. When he looked up, a small smile tugged on his lips as well. “Oh yeah, Steven may have found that earlier and insisted on hanging it.”

“Steven did, huh?”

“Hey, I’m not lying. You’re the one who should be explaining why you had mistletoe in with your Christmas decorations.”

“Maybe I was hoping to have it hung around the house in case I found myself with a cute Super Soldier as a guest during the holidays.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to him. “Well, this is your lucky year then.”

“I guess it is.”

He leaned down to kiss you. It was gentle and tender, like all of his kisses were. Like he was still afraid he would break you if he kissed you any harder. Not like you were complaining, though. You loved the way Bucky kissed you.

“I think this is going to be the best Christmas I’ve ever had,” he decided once he pulled away from you. “I couldn’t have asked for anything better than to spend it with the woman I love and our beautiful son.”

I playfully pushed against his chest. “Stop, you’re gonna make me cry.”

He just chuckled and pulled you back in for another kiss.

[smokingasters]

An excerpt from Psycho Pass Asylum- Restaurant De Campagne. Translated into English by me. It follows Kagari’s story about how he grew interested in cooking “natural” food. The narration is in flashback and serves as a prequel to S1.

Happy Halloween 🎃 (Dividers by @cafekitsune)

✴️ If you copy and repost this anywhere else, I expect you to credit me and link it back to my blog. Please don’t repost without credit, thanks ☺️ (reblogs are welcome!)

I have been helping out in the restaurant for more than a month...

That morning, Kagari was busy in his single room in the Enforcer's dormitory of the Public Security Bureau building. As it was exactly one month later and his salary had been paid, Kagari could not wait to set up a kitchen in his room to cook. On the cooking table were piles of various natural ingredients that Mitsuha, the owner of the restaurant had given him.

Due to the series of unfortunate incidents involving the recent contamination by foreign substances, many customers grew afraid of consuming natural ingredients and had cancelled their orders. That’s why Kagari was able to obtain these rare natural ingredients.

He opened the door of his room and pasted a sign on the door that said: "Yummier than food prepared by automatic processors".

"Alright!"

It was Kagari's day off. His day off at the PSB coincided with Campagne's day off, so he didn’t have to go to help at the restaurant either. Although he had something to do in the afternoon, he had the whole morning to himself. Kagari wanted to review the cooking skills he learned from Mitsuha last month. However, the food prepared by a latent criminal could not be served to the guests of Campagne, so his food could only be served to his colleagues, the other Enforcers.

"Yo, Kagari, what are you upto?"

The first person to pass by his room was the Enforcer Kogami Shinya. The top two buttons of Kogami's shirt were undone, his tie hung loose, and he held a cigarette between his lips and a lighter between his fingertips. After lighting the cigarette, Kogami took a puff of smoke.

"Hey Ko-chan! Do you want to eat lunch with me?"

"Hmm? Ah, although I don't care whether I eat or not... but you make it look like a spread from 'The King's Restaurant'.” Kogami Shinya, his senior, an Enforcer from Division 1 uttered with a wry smile.

Ko-chan was originally an Inspector and was a classmate of Ginoza-san when they were students, graduating as a topper from the academy. As an Inspector, he also supervised Tot-san (Masaoka) and several others. Kagari didn't know why Kogami became an Enforcer. Enforcers usually don't talk about their past and don't pry into each other’s lives.

It's only when they talked about topics related to books that Kagari could get a glimpse of Kogami's past.

"Eh, The King's Restaurant? What is that?" Kagari asked.

"A fairy tale I read as a child. The protagonist of the story is a wilful childish king. The beginning of "The King's Restaurant" is a bit like what you are doing now. The king opened a restaurant in his castle, but because his cooking was terrible he received no customers. After a long time, a rabbit appeared and ordered a salad of roses. A butterfly also ordered a frog's tears soup from him and screamed in panic. There was also a frog who ordered a fried snake. It was an absurd story. The snake put on its own clothes, lit the fire and jumped into the oil, saying "Ah, the temperature is just right", and was fried until it was completely cooked. In the end, the frog swallowed the snake whole. But the end revealed that everything was a dream.”

"Why does this story sound like a hallucination caused by drugs?"

"Doesn't it?" Kogami smirked. His usually sharp gaze and closed off expression softened as he spoke about books.

"Fairy tales and fiction not only teach morality, but also contain an absurd and unrealistic narrative. I prefer them to rigid and preachy books. My favourite story in this book is called The Greedy King—

Don't eat too much at once!

Paper thin rice crackers

Taro cakes two centimetres thick

Carrots shredded needle thin

Remember to eat everything!

"I miss the rhymes my mother wrote. When I was a child, I often asked her to recite them to me."

Hearing Ko-chan becoming nostalgic, Kagari thought to himself that Ko seemed to have been raised by a loving parent.

These were the memories of almost everyone who grew up in Japan when they were young. But Kagari didn't know what it felt like to be loved unconditionally.

Back then, he was like an untamed animal when he raged and trashed the isolation unit. The staff tried to treat him like a human, but in the end he was still too arbitrary. He was lucky that they did not execute him.

"He is still a child, there is still a possibility..."

Tch. If I had heard such words back then, I would have made their lives even more miserable.

My views have changed. I think there is still a lot of good in this society despite the Sibyl System.

It’s just that I don’t fit in. When I think about the past, I feel ashamed and hurt. I repeat and regret my mistakes. But in the end I still forget everything. People are like that.

No. If I'm in a bad mood, the food I cook will taste bad. I should think of something happy...

"Ko-chan, let's make up a rhyme just for fun." Kagari said.

"Even though you brought it up, forget it." Ko-chan's reply surprised him.

"The food described in a story is often inspired by the author's own imagination, because you can never taste that kind of food in reality. That's good. The delicious food you read about is something you can never taste. That’s rather profound, right?”

The things Kogami says can make one feel there’s a deeper implication in his words.

“Things that cannot be obtained are valuable precisely because they are unattainable.” Ko-chan murmured.

"Is that so? Then what would you like to order?" Kagari chuckled.

"Let me think...I want to have a hamburger!"

"Eh, are you sure? That doesn’t sound like a challenge."

"You don't understand, Kagari," Kogami shook his head helplessly, "A real hamburger is not a simple dish. Perfectly toasted buns, the crunch of fresh lettuce, refreshingly sweet and sour tomato slices, topped with slightly charred fragrant onions; the 100% beef hamburger grilled on the iron skillet, with salt and pepper to bring out the full flavour of the meat and ah, cheese is not bad either, rich cheddar cheese is the best. It’s utterly satisfying to wrap all into a burger, hold it with both hands and eat it in big bites".

A slightly wicked smile appeared on Kogami’s face. As Kagari listened to him, his stomach began to growl.

"Hamburgers are delicious because they have layers of flavour. So, can you make it for me?"

Tsk~ Just do it, don’t be afraid.

Kagari quickened his pace and headed for the kitchen.

Ko-chan was the only person who came to his “restaurant” that morning. Kagari started with the hamburger meat and grilled it to medium.

My interest in the novels chiefly lies in more PP world building and having more input from the OG cast clears my hue.

And since I’m always looking forward to know more about Kogami’s thoughts, this excerpt was heartwarming. We don’t get much info about Tomoyo-san, Kogami’s mom, so knowing that he recalls that specific time with her is endearing.

Kagari is also a special character for me, I don’t think I could ever get over his death in S1. I frankly felt that his death was pointless, he should have continued on.

Also Kogami’s love for hamburgers? 👀 Maybe it’s just me or does it sound suggestive?

I hope you all enjoyed this little excerpt and I wish you a Happy Halloween 🎃

[punkrockhistory]

47 years ago today

Sting, Topper Headon and Paul Simonon in the audience of the first European Punk Festival, Mont de Marsan (France), August 5-6, 1977