#Day 2 needs more work and a more coherent idea of what I want her to be

[phoenixiancrystallist]

OH YEAH I DID ART

Month 6, day 3, did days 1 and 2 of @adorkastock's Draw Everything June challenge!

Not me making up characters on the spot, no, I would never, it's not like character design is my truest love or anything :P Neither of them have names, but Day 1 uses he/him pronouns and Day 2 uses she/her pronouns and made the kitty cat patch for her pocket herself :3

[unholybacon355]

Everything stays in the family: Part Five

Park Jihyo x G!P Huh Yunjin

Word Count: 3.7K

TW: Incest.

[PART 1] [PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4]

DISCLAIMER: I'm adding this disclaimer because I think it's necessary.

This story have some taboo themes like incesto to name one. I need to say that obviously some of the things I wrote here aren't good and by any means I'm trying to make it look like good and normal things. Read at your own discretion.

Everything you see here is fiction and many things in this story are not really good. This is for fun and only for that. Also, all the characters you see here are adults and Jihyo is older, but I'm not specifying how old she is.

Another thing to say is that I have no clue about how human bodies actually work, so you can't expect me to be very accurate about some things. I'm not saying what because I want you to figure it out as you read.

Summary: Things in Yunjin's life really turn upside down when someone unexpected returns from her past. After that everything becomes chaos in her life.

CHAPTER FIVE

Yunjin's blood ran cold instantly. All the embracing heat she had been feeling until then left her body in a rush, giving way to an icy cold that threatened to turn her into an ice statue. She had been so immersed in her own fantasies and the pleasure she was feeling, that she was not able to hear Jihyo's footsteps approaching the laundry room.

“Yunjin, I asked you a question.” Forcing her arm to move, Yunjin moved the worn thong away from her face, but kept her grip on the garment covering her cock. “Are you not planning to respond?”

“Jihyo, I…” She didn't know what to say, even without looking at her mother the redhead couldn't find the right words to respond. But frankly those words might not have existed. Because what can you say to your mother when she catches you masturbating with her used panties? There was no way to articulate a coherent sentence to answer that question.

“Huh Yunjin. I swear if I have to ask you one more time I'm going to be really angry.” The truth was that could not be heard any anger in Jihyo's voice. Maybe upset, yes, but not angry. Which was strange because the normal thing would have been for her to get very angry right away. After all, no matter how much Jihyo asked, the truth was that Yunjin still had the older woman's thong tightly wrapped around her penis. Not only that, but said garment was covered in Yunjin's thick semen.

The redhead turned around slowly, as slowly as she had moved the black panties away from her face, trying to bend over in a pathetic attempt to hide her crotch. But the truth was that nothing could separate her from Jihyo's inquisitive gaze. Because although she didn't sound angry, she was frowning and was drilling her daughter with her gaze.

It was clear that Jihyo had gone to the laundry room to leave more dirty clothes because at her feet there was a small pile of clothes, which she had presumably dropped when she found Yunjin in that embarrassing situation. The woman was wearing a two-piece light blue silk pajama, shorts and a tank top, so it was also clear that she had planned to go to bed early that day. Sadly for Yunjin that had not happened and instead Jihyo had decided to finish leaving the dirty clothes where they belonged.

“Jihyo, sorry.” The words barely left Yunjin's lips, her mouth had gone dry and a lump had formed in her throat. Plus the redhead didn't dare look the older woman in the eyes, she didn't want to be judged by that severe look. “Please don't think anything strange about me, I…”

“You still don't answer my question.” Jihyo cut her off.

“Yes, it is what it seems, but please…”

“I want to hear you say it. Tell me what you were doing.”

“I…I…” Yunjin couldn't fathom the idea of saying out loud what he had been doing, much less saying it in front of her mother. But she knew that if she didn't she would be stuck here forever, it was better to do it once and for all. “I was masturbating with your underwear.” Yunjin could feel the blood rushing to her face again,dyeing it red.

But instead of starting to scold her, Jihyo stretched out her hand towards Yunjin. “Give them to me.” She stayed for a few seconds with her hand open waiting for Yunjin to act. “Yunjin hand me my panties right now.” The tone with which she spoke was firm.

The redhead didn't want to take her hand off her crotch, partly to avoid revealing her member and partly because she didn't want to give the dirty garment to her mother. But she knew that it was better not to disobey Park Jihyo when she had given you an order, and this was not going to be the time that she did not listen to the woman. So, full of shame, Yunjin put the underwear in her mother's hand.

Jihyo took the garment and held it up to examine it better. She stretched it out and saw how it was soaked with her daughter's semen, it was so much that it stuck to her hand and a few drops fell to the floor. She then tightened the garment causing more semen to leak out and smear all over her hand and threw the garment onto the pile of dirty clothes at her feet.

“What were you doing with the other pair?”

Yunjin was too embarrassed to admit that she had been sniffing the worn garment, but at least it wasn't covered in her fluids. “I was smelling them.” She said finally looking at the floor from the weight of shame.

“Little pervert, do you like the smell of my vagina?” The question threw Yunjin a little because it wasn't at all what she had been expecting.

"Yeah." That brief statement did not at all reflect how much Yunjin had enjoyed smelling Jihyo's panties. She had the urge to tell her that she thought it was the most wonderful scent in the world and that she would give anything to smell it again, but she managed to do it and hold back. If she said any of those things right now it would only make her situation worse.

“On your knees, right now.” Yunjin thought for a second if she heard correctly, because she didn't understand why Jihyo wanted her to kneel, but she prepared to beg for forgiveness like that. In the midst of her confusion she forgot to put her penis back inside her pants, plus one of her knees ended up on the panties full of semen that Jihyo had dropped a few moments ago. “If you wanted to smell so bad, you should have asked.”

Even more confused than before, Yunjin watched as her mother put her hands on the hem of her shorts and began to lower it, sliding the garment over her toned thighs. She then folded the shorts and left them on the floor a little away from the pile of dirty clothes. What came next confused the redhead even more because now Jihyo was taking off her panties. In the same way as she did before, she folded the garment and left it on top of the shorts before standing in front of her daughter.

Right now Yunjin was kneeling on the floor looking up at Jihyo who was wearing nothing but a pajama top, which showed a lot of her tits and abdomen. But what really caught the redhead's attention was her mother's crotch. In front of her she could see the vagina she had been fantasizing about all day. Yunjin was perfectly able to see the delicate but thick lips of Jihyo's vulva, the small bud that hid her clitoris, and the perfectly manicured patch of hair on her mons pubic. In Yunjin's opinion it was the most perfect vagina she had ever seen in her life, but that wasn't something she was going to say right now.

Yunjin didn't understand what was going on or what Jihyo wanted, but she was sure she could spend hours staring at the older woman's private parts. Such a perfect creation should be admired and adored, and the redhead was precisely in a position to do that. It was as if she was kneeling worshiping an omnipotent goddess, and thanking her for letting her exist on the same material plane as her. Except for the small detail that she was actually staring hungrily at her mother's crotch.

“Aren't you going to sniff? Isn't that what you wanted?” Jihyo's questions brought the redhead out of her reverie and made her swallow, laboriously because she still felt a lump in her throat. Did the older woman really want Yunjin to sniff her vagina? This had to be some kind of joke because there was no chance in the entire world that instead of getting a reprimand she would be receiving an reward like this. Although there was also the possibility that Jihyo was playing with her and just wanted to make her look like an even bigger pervert, so she could later accuse her to her father.

All kinds of terrible thoughts crossed Yunjin's mind at that moment, each one worse than the last. She imagined herself being kicked out of the house, having to drop out of college, and even having to turn to her biological mother after everything that had happened. But fortunately for the redhead, none of that would ever happen, although she didn't know it yet.

“Be a good girl and obey your mother.” The sudden mention of the word “Mother” caused an unexpected effect on Yunjin. The girl knew that what she was doing right now was wrong and totally prohibited under normal circumstances, but it had already become clear that these were not normal circumstances. So hearing Jihyo refer to herself as her mother only made her want this even more.

Allowing herself to be carried away by the moment, and obeying her mother, Yunjin closed her eyes and brought her face closer to Jihyo's crotch. Without touching her, she inhaled strongly, instantly feeling how her nostrils were filled with the aroma of the woman's vagina. Sniffing from the very source of that wonderful aroma was even better than doing it from used panties, there was no possible comparison. Now Yunjin could feel every delicate note in the woman's scent, as if she were sniffing an expensive wine before tasting it. And that was exactly what she wanted to do, Yunjin wanted to test if the taste of that perfect vagina was also much better from the source.

The mere thought of being able to lick Jihyo's fluids directly from the woman was causing her mouth to water. She was so close that it would be a sin, even greater than what she was already doing, not to get to taste her mother's sweet nectar. If after all she had already gotten into trouble. What mattered one more? That's how, feeling that she had nothing more to lose, Yunjin stuck out her tongue and gave Jihyo's vagina a slow and surprising lick.

The redhead slid her tongue along her mother's slit, causing the latter to jump in surprise, but she remained standing firmly in front of her daughter. “You couldn't just stay with the aroma, you also had to taste, right?” Then Jihyo stroked Yunjin's hair with the same hand that was still stained with cum, causing the white fluid to stick to her daughter's hair, and gently pressed the redhead's head closer to her crotch.

Yunjin understood this action as an invitation to continue testing, so new licks invaded the woman's slit. Jihyo's glorious nectar quickly began to gush out and invade the redhead's senses. Now the flavor and aroma were more intense than before, Yunjin felt the fluids slide over her tongue as she continued licking again and again. Slowly but steadily,sorting out her mother's petals with each new movement of her warm muscle.

Soon this was not enough for Yunjin, and noticing that Jihyo continued stroking her hair and pressing her head, the redhead sealed her lips in a chaste kiss on her mother's vulva. She then opened her mouth and prepared to eat Jihyo's vagina. Her lips danced along with Jihyo's petals in a perverted kiss that strayed from all conventional ways of relating between a mother and her daughter. But that was what made it so precious to Yunjin, the fact that this act was highly prohibited gave the redhead more pleasure. It was as if knowing that the act she was carrying out will add an extra flavor to Jihyo's fluids, as if that whole twisted situation did nothing but make Yunjin more and more addicted to a nectar that should be totally forbidden to her.

But yet here it was. In the cold laundry room, kneeling over a pair of panties soaked in her own cum, and with her face buried in her mother's crotch while she practically devoured her vagina. And although Yunjin couldn't see it, Jihyo had her eyes closed and her mouth open in a moan that never came out of her, showing that she was also enjoying that twisted situation. Of course, that was more than evident if you took into account how much she had gotten wet, since she was practically soaked because of her daughter. At this point the woman's sweet and delicate nectar was dripping down Yunjin's chin, combined with the young woman's own saliva.

Because when you devour like Yunjin was doing right now, you don't get to worry about manners. There's no concern for decor or niceties, Yunjin was simply doing her best to satisfy this newfound hunger for her mother's fluids. That's how she slid her hands down the woman's powerful thighs, until she brought them to her plump ass. Where she held on to both buttocks as if her life depended on it, as if she felt that Jihyo was going to slip away at any moment, thus putting an end to this twisted situation. But the truth was that the woman was frankly not thinking about that right now.

As had already become clear, Jihyo was also enjoying it and right now she had her fingers intertwined with Yunjin's hair while holding the redhead's head firmly. She also didn't want her daughter to go anywhere, she wanted her to stay right there and continue doing as good a job as she had been doing. She also knew that this wasn't right, that she was taking their relationship into territory where it was never supposed to be, but it felt so good that pleasure was clouding her mind right now. The fact that Yunjin showed a hunger for her that not even her husband had had pushed her out of her mind.

At first Jihyo had only thought about giving Yunjin a reprimand. It's true that she made her kneel and smell her crotch, but that was to give the perverted young woman a lesson. Maybe she had gone too far with the punishment, since Jihyo was no one to admonish the young girl for doing perverted things. Even more so when that same afternoon she had practically given her permission to masturbate anywhere in the house. Although Yunjin was no longer a teenager, she was still at that age where it was easy to get carried away by hormones, so it was normal for her to have those impulses. Added to all that, just that same morning the redhead had found Jihyo fucking herself with a vibrator, being so lost in her pleasure that she didn't hear her arrive. It was curious how the situation had reversed hours later.

For all that, Jihyo didn't believe that Yunjin had to be punished severely. So letting her directly smell her vagina just once, and then banning her from doing so for life was torture enough in the woman's eyes. The problem was that Jihyo's libido was through the roof due to the pregnancy and the stress caused by work, so she was in need of a real touch. And it was precisely that need that made her bow before Yunjin's tongue. Jihyo was so needy that masturbating no longer fully satisfied her, so the gentle touch of Yunjin's tongue sent her tumbling off a cliff she had never expected to be on.

Right now her daughter's skillful tongue was exploring the deepest confines of Jihyo's vagina, in a way that had not been explored for longer than she wanted. The muscle gathered as much nectar as possible and then brought it to Yunjin's mouth to feed the needy young woman, only causing her appetite to increase with each new lick.

The aroma, the taste, the way Jihyo's pubic hair caressed her face, and the way her firm buttocks melted in the young woman's hands were driving Yunjin crazy. Making her devour her mother's vulva with fervent hunger. It was perhaps the most passionate and needy kiss that she had given in her life, and also by far the most perverted and exciting. Yunjin's cock was throbbing with pain because it wasn't being attended to, but right now the redhead's hands were glued to her mother's glorious ass and she had no intention of getting her out of there.

That is until abandoning to her lowest instincts, Yunjin accidentally grazed the woman's delicate clitoris with her teeth. Which caused Jihyo to pull her away from her crotch and look directly at her. Yunjin looked back at her with pleading eyes because she thought that everything had come to this point, that her mother had reconsidered and had come to her senses. But again she was wrong.

"Dear. “I know you are desperate, but you have to be gentle with your mother.” Jihyo caressed her face lovingly before holding her head again. “If you promise to behave, I will let you continue eating.”

“I'm sorry mother, it won't happen again.” Yunjin didn't understand why she had called her mother in a situation like this, but that seemed to intensify the strange relationship they were having right now.

"Good girl. Now keep eating. I'm very near." Jihyo pressed Yunjin's face against her crotch again, but this time instead of just keeping her close to her, the woman decided it was time to go for more, so she started moving her hips, practically fucking her daughter's face.

Jihyo rubbed her crotch, putting special emphasis on letting Yunjin continue using that tongue that had turned out to be so skillful. From the noises the woman had occasionally heard coming from her daughter's room, Yunjin had had quite a bit of practice with Chaewon. Which right now Jihyo thanked greatly for all the pleasure she was receiving.

The older woman had her toes curled in anticipation of the orgasm that was getting closer and closer. She was so close to finally climaxing that she felt almost like she was rising. Earlier that day Yunjin had ruined her orgasm by barging into her room, and she hadn't been able to masturbate anymore after that, so she had been in a weird mood all day. She had been rubbing her thighs together to get some friction, and had even sneakily rubbed her vagina in a pathetic attempt to receive some pleasure. Which had made her wet the panties that Yunjin had been smelling, so it seemed fair that now it was precisely her daughter who led her to the much-precious orgasm. A climax that didn't take long to arrive.

Yunjin had put so much effort into practically devouring her that all her work quickly paid off, pushing Jihyo into the release she had long awaited. Jihyo stood still as she came, releasing a thick stream of his fluids onto Yunjin's face, who received the liquid with her mouth open, trying to swallow as much of that precious nectar as possible.

"Good girl." Jihyo said between small gasps, while the electric sensations still ran through her body, the product of that precious sexual climax. She stood there for a moment, stroking her daughter's hair and scratching the back of her neck as a sign of gratitude. As if more than a good girl, it was an obedient puppy.

Right now the only evidence that Jihyo had had an orgasm seconds ago was her somewhat labored breathing, and that she had to move back to find support because her legs were shaking. The woman leaned her weight against the wall trying to regain her composure, while her mind was still somewhat clouded by pleasure. Yunjin, meanwhile, remained on her knees, still savoring the feast she had just devoured, not really understanding if she had permission to stand up or not.

The only thing certain right now was that both women were avoiding eye contact. Furthermore, a strange silence had taken over the room, which until a few moments ago had been filled with the wet sounds that Yunjin made when performing oral sex on her mother. Neither of them knew what to say, or if it was wise to say anything in that situation. They were both regaining their common sense from the clutches of lust, so they were beginning to understand what they had just done. Yunjin had performed oral sex on her stepmother, her father's wife, the woman she now called her mother.

Both of their cheeks were red with embarrassment, no longer from arousal, and a sense of guilt was spreading through them like a wildfire. Jihyo had cheated on her husband with her own daughter, someone much younger than her and whom she was supposed to take care of. Not letting her perform oral sex to the point of filling her face with her fluids.

But despite all the negative implications, they both knew deep down that they had enjoyed it. How else they could explain Jihyo's orgasm, or why Yunjin's penis was still hard? Oh, the pleasure they had felt had been very real, and they both knew it had been the best sexual encounter they had had in weeks.

Jihyo was the first to decide to act, mostly driven by the fact that she was the responsible adult here. So she cleared her throat before bending down to pick up her underwear and pajama shorts, but she made no attempt to put them on, it was unnecessary to try to cover herself. Yunjin had seen her private parts twice that day, and one of them had been from very, very, close.

“Yunjin… Don't forget to finish putting the clothes in the washing machine and turn it on.” Apparently Jihyo had decided for now to pretend that nothing had happened, which unnerved Yunjin a little. But before she could reply the woman spoke again. “You should take a shower, your face and hair are stained.” And before Yunjin could answer that the woman turned and walked away, leaving the redhead alone in the laundry room. Still on her knees over the panties she had soiled with her own semen. Still with her penis out in an erection that was slowly declining, and with her head and heart very confused.

[thatonebirdwrites]

I feel like this chapter isn't up to my usual caliber. I usually use more immersive details, but I just have been so ill that editing and cleaning this up for posting has taken up more energy than expected.

One more chapter to end Act 2, and then we're in Act 3.

EXCERPT:

Lena wakes to the scent of coffee brewing. She stretches in bed, not wanting to leave its warmth and the smell of Kara on the pillow she hugged. Humming echoes in harmony with the taps of a spatula and an almost purring noise that undercut it all. Intrigued, Lena slips out of bed, grabs her robe, and walks into Kara’s kitchen. 

Kara stands at the stove making pancakes again, and the purring is definitely from her. It’s not the first time she’s heard the deeper tones in Kara’s humming, but it’s almost like throat singing and yet not at the same time. 

She’s not entirely sure how to ask Kara about it or if it is rude, but she’s curious about their anatomical differences, not just from a scientific standpoint but also because she wants to map those differences with her hands and tongue. Which is a bit too heated a thought for a soon to be busy day.

After a cold shower, she walks into the kitchen, kisses Kara's cheek, and takes Kara’s offered plate. “So what is your plans for today?”

Kara sighs and pours the syrup until her plate is basically pancake soup with syrup as the broth. “Nia and I are checking on our contacts in San Jose Barrio, and we’re trying to get a more accurate number of afflicted. Nia says her roommate isn’t feeling well, and most of her drag friends are also ill. So it’s hitting humans now too.” 

Lena frowns. “It’s spreading faster than we thought. Do you know how many in total affected? I will check the clinics today with Sam, and I'll see if I can drum up a solution with Florence in our lesson.” She uses her portal watch for the hour lesson, timed for eight am so it's two pm for Florence. Just in time to help tend the garden before the magic drills. 

Kara shakes her head. “They don’t trust me yet, so I can't get accurate numbers. Supergirl hasn’t earned back the trust of the alien community, and as Kara Danvers, I’m too close to Supergirl.” She grumbles and takes a large bite of her soupy concoction. Syrup drips off her fork to splatter over the top of the second pancake.

“What if you go as your alien self?” Lena takes a small bite.

“That could expose me?” Kara tilts her head.

“No, I mean.” Lena cuts another piece of her pancake and arranges her thoughts in a more coherent manner. “Kara Danvers is human to them. But a reporter than is an alien? Nia’s half-alien, and they trust her.” 

“But I can’t say I’m alien as Danvers—”

“Hey,” Lena reaches over to gently lay her hand over Kara’s restless fingers, “I understand, okay? That needs to stay a secret. Be strategic on who you talk to, don’t name where exactly you’re from, maybe avoid your last name. I can do a glamour charm to make your face harder to remember.” 

Kara raises her eyebrows. “Huh. Well, that's an idea. Glamour?”

“What Florence calls illusions. She’s having me read an old tome about various magical styles, so I can derive their origins.” She slices into her second pancake with the edge of her fork. “Since, as she put it, ‘Yuh too curious for yer own good. So here, be safe about it.’” Lena mimics the accent with a roll of her eyes. “I’m simply trying to be accurate. There must be rules governing all this.”

“It’s magic, Lena. And can you really do a spell like that?” Kara’s eyes shine with wonder. 

“It can’t be that hard.” Lena wipes her hands on her napkin, stands, and picks up the book from the coffee table. It’s a thick tome with a brown cover with leave etchings on it. She flips through the yellow-stained pages, until she finds the right one. She taps the page. “Ingredients rather simple. Will need to enchant an item near your face. Scarf and hat best. I don’t recommend glasses since you use that for your human self. This needs to be an item you don’t associate with Kara Danvers.” She reads through the incantation, which is a mixture of Irish with the last line in Latin. 

[aethercurrent]

If you've been around, I just finished Time Travel AU. If you're from AO3, you know what this post is and you can skip further down to read more. If you don't know what Time Travel AU is, it's a long FFXIV fanfic I've been working on for the better part of six years. Five and a half of which it's been online to read.

This post is to document some of the early plotting that I never talked about written down into a coherent-ish(?) post. Mostly to get it out of my system and to hopefully stave off the absolute breakdown I'll have once that "it's finished after six years" thing settles in.

Let's start this off with something funnier, because this a looooooooong post: the name.

(That isn't a word, for the record. I just mashed two nouns together to be funny.)

And then, finally, being a class clown at heart, I follow that up with:

It wasn't too long, and that joke that took me half a minute to come up with stuck around. It still makes me chuckle.

But, I suppose now we go back to a couple months before that conversation took place.

~

The first idea for the AU started rotating in my head a few days after finishing Shadowbringers. I’m kind of a sucker for time travel of any sort (a good chunk of my favourite media of all time includes it somehow!), and another thing I enjoy is enemies to “unfortunately, we’re on the same side for a while”.

So, as one does after a game thoroughly rearranges their brain, I started throwing darts at random points and saw what started sticking.

The first major things decided for the fic at that early conception stage were the following points:

the time travellers are WOL, Exarch, Ryne, Elidibus

the Final Days were caused by the star itself

Hythlodaeus (shade or real deal) is involved (maybe as 14th?)

Hydaelyn and Zodiark are non-violently undone by the end

it ends with a city by the Crystal Tower on the Source

I started drafting a few ideas for it over a couple weeks while waiting for 5.1.

Initially I genuinely wasn’t sure if the WOL in the story was going to be Meteor or my own WOL (every iteration of her has been in this fic, but when it started she was actually still a male Seeker… he’s the jumpy conjurer tagging along in the Praetorium; and the Dunesfolk, Highlander, and the Hrothgar are all obvious or hidden in the background, too). It took me a while before I settled on Meteor, mostly because I don’t want to ship her with NPCs, really. Also, Catboy Lahen was extremely jumpy and wouldn’t have been able to keep him being a time traveller and an Ascian secret for long. I needed someone made of sterner stuff, sorry Catboy Lahen.

The party was a proper light party at that stage, too, even before I settled on Meteor (Meteor / Ryne as tank, Exarch as healer, Ryne / Lahen and Elidibus as DPS)… and then dropped that once I started getting into the more detailed part of plotting.

By the time 5.1 rolled around I begrudgingly accepted that the WOL was going to be the 14th member of the Convocation, but I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t like that. I still don’t like it, actually. I would’ve liked the WOL being a genuine random soul choosing the road and becoming modern day Azem just as Venat and her successor were before them, instead of having it just be Venat’s successor 2 electric boogaloo.

I also finally accepted the clown’s nose and admitted that my favourite Ascian was Lahabrea because he was a good villain back when I started in the last couple days of 2014. I was disappointed that after how much Emet-Selch and Elidibus got and were getting throughout the end of Stormblood and Shadowbringers, Lahabrea still hadn’t gotten much of anything else. Yes. The first time I met one of my now better friends, she joined call for Endwalker fanfest and the first thing she ever heard from me was me straight up bursting into tears over FFIV references and Pandaemonium.

A few more plot points were also starting to come together:

I wanted Emet-Selch and Lahabrea as POV characters

Hythlodaeus definitely was going to be one as well

he was going to have sat by and watched all of history

he was going to be tempered by Hydaelyn and Zodiark

Unukalhai, if not a POV character, was going to be somewhat important

the party was going to try saving some NPCs who died (success rate varying)

Meteor’s characterisation started to crystallise a bit more

because of that, they were going to try and substantially alter the Steppe section

Lahabrea would be explosive early on, leading to him being taken out of 2.55

Minfilia vanished before she could catch on to Ascian shenanigans

Ysayle would catch on to that, though

It’s glossed over in the finished fic because it’s mostly irrelevant, but as I worked on on the plot draft more and more, I noticed that the party accidentally fit into the elemental chart rather neatly:

Lahabrea as lightning; most volatile and destructive party member

Emet-Selch as fire; also fairly temperamental and not easy to work with

Elidibus as wind; easier to handle but still fairly dangerous

Meteor as earth; unmoving object that can bury a lot of things if they want to

Exarch as water; that one was mostly a “river of time” joke, I won’t lie

Ryne as ice; it’s the closest to light and once she’s determined she’s unyielding

Hythlodaeus as light; absolute stasis due to his circumstances

Unukalhai as darkness; always on the move and always thinking

A lot of the character dynamic comes from that! Emet-Selch and Lahabrea don’t get along, Elidibus manages to get along with both of them. Ryne as the most interesting mortal out of the bunch as far as Emet-Selch is concerned stems from a fire and ice joke that ran away with me; him and the Exarch butting heads is a water and fire joke. The reason why Ryne was the one to surprise Elidibus comes from the fact that she’s a solid ice wall to his wind, and so on and so forth.

That’s also why Unukalhai remains closer to the Ascians to some degree, while Hythlodaeus has absolutely no qualms whatsoever interacting with mortals as long as his restrictions are adhered to even if he doesn’t like them in the end.

It became extremely less relevant as time went on, but a lot of the early fic can be traced to that elemental balance.

Along with the elemental balance of the team, I started working on the magic system for the Ancients. I was extremely stuck on the sidequests in Amaurot and how two of them dealt with the WOL not being able to use creation magicks. I thought it was interesting that it seemed as if the one making clothes didn’t use a concept crystal, while in one you were handed one to summon those funny slimes.

The final point was that you had to catch a cubus for one while you didn’t for the other.

So, eventually I came to the magic system in the fic. Three classes of magicks (body, soul, environment), and differing levels of innate ability and trained skill. Ironically, the three antagonist Unsundered all fit into three out of four extremes of that latter scale…

Then there was the question of what was considered “dark arts” before the Sundering. It wasn’t necessary, none of the main characters would be students of the dark arts, but it was a fun thought experiment. Eventually I came up with the idea to animate something inanimate with malicious intent. Living weapons, defensive automatons, sentient traps, and so on and so forth.

I started applying that to all of the relevant Ancients, and it was a lot more fun than I want to admit here.

Essentially what the concept crystals thing came down to in the end was a certain level of intricate casting and preservation. Lahabrea can create a flock of his birds effortlessly because he knows the concept inside out with all its details and intricacies, while someone trying to summon it themselves would have to use a crystal to get the details right. That’s also why most of the time the Ascians don’t seem to be using concept crystals—they aren’t creating much, and when they are it’s things they already know how to make.

Actually, I dug out the notes on the innate/trained scale. There’s a lot of things that are irrelevant for the fic on that, but let me write down the most relevant ones:

Emet-Selch: soul; high innate/low trained

Lahabrea: body; high innate/high trained

Elidibus: environment; low innate/high trained

Hythlodaeus: soul; high innate/not trained

Alexis (Meteor’s ancient): environment/dark arts; low innate/medium trained

Igeyorhm: body; medium innate/high trained

Minfilia: body; low innate/low trained

Venat: environment; medium innate/high trained

Rafael (previous Elidibus): soul; low innate/high trained

There was also the question of what to do with Ancients in general. True, we had the shades in Amaurot as a general idea, but just like with Azem above, I wasn’t a fan of the featureless or just “human” thing. I still am not, for the record. I think it’s goofy to have everyone be proto-Hyurs and then post-Sundering we suddenly have Hydaelyn give some people a goddess-assigned fursona. And that’s coming from someone who previously played a Hyur, for the record!

But just like how magic focused on the elements specifically instead of the broader strokes, I decided that in ancient times there would be one term for the different tribes. I tried to handwave the shades away with making the region around Amaurot the ancestral home of proto-Hyurs… and then only had one of them in the party. Oops!

Overall, my thought process was to address the weird lore bit that apparently interracial relationships are frowned upon in Eorzea. I mostly wanted to… not… have that apply for ancient times because it’s fucking weird. Not gonna call it anything other than that.

From there, it was as simple as… naming everything and everyone, giving them a place they come from, and… oh god I wrote so much stuff that never came up just so it stayed internally consistent y’all, I almost don’t want to talk about it.

The main notes on that are in Astral Scions, Umbral Sinners I, but to recap:

Hyurs were Amaurotines

Elezen were Atlanteans

Miqo’te were Children of Sirius

Lalafell were Saronian Marchers (Saro)

Roegadyn were the Galg

Viera were Lunarians

Hrothgar were the Watchers

Au Ra were white-scaled Steelhearts and black-scaled Flareseekers; formerly the Volcana

Specifically the Au Ra have a lot of background history that gets mentioned due to Lahabrea being a Flareseeker. Long story. Too long for this already long post.

Speaking of Lahabrea, though; there was rhyme and reason behind why the Ascians were what they were.

Lahabrea (Flareseeker+Amaurotine) is a renowned scholar who also is something of a social outcast both in Amaurot due to his Flareseeker heritage and in Bodhum due to his Amaurotine heritage, which leads to him being quite hard to deal with thanks to bad experiences way in the past

Elidibus (Child of Sirius+Saronian Marcher) is both very quiet and observant and still relies on company if not community and is rather lost without the support of those he deems his family

Emet-Selch (Amaurotine) is the one who misses home the fiercest out of all of them because that’s where his family and he always belonged, that’s where everyone he ever loved was

Hythlodaeus (Atlantean+Amaurotine-Lunarian) feels all over the place and cuts out his paternal home under the waves and his maternal home high above ground to find his own home

Venat (Amaurotine+Lunarian) grew up on her father’s stories about how the star looks from the Floating City of Babil and wanted the more grounded people of her home to see that as well

Another fun thing about ancient times was the fact that I could do whatever I want. It’s not that glaringly obvious with their names, but when it comes to their cities and settlements in general, I got to go a bit wild with it.

And with “wild” I mean I had some fun picking settlement names across the Final Fantasy series. I hope people who know the series a bit outside of XIV itself had some fun with the interludes; I know I had a lot of fun with it. I think if I had to pick a favourite it’d be the Floating City of Babil, the underground city Insomnia, and Archades on the mountains by the sea.

Again, I think having everything, apparently, be Ancient Greek Mythology is… stifling. I admit that even in my more canon-compliant other works I struggle with it. There’s a lot of myths to draw inspiration from; I for one would’ve loved Hermes to deal with a mfing Wolpertinger. Creature of all time.

But… at that point I was writing two different drafts. One where Unukalhai joined shortly before Hythlodaeus as POV character (which also was a joke about the darkness-aligned character joining before the light-aligned one because darkness is active), and one where he remained a non-POV but important character. Kind of similar to what Minfilia became after she was saved! It was the same for both of them up until he joined the party for good.

If I had gone with 7 POV characters instead of my full party set-up, there was a bit of an act dedicated to unravelling his feelings on this nonsense. Specifically a non-POV Unukalhai wouldn’t have spent as much time with everyone else and would have gone down a different mental rabbit hole of eventually struggling with not being able to get his revenge on Igeyorhm while also starting to feel like a replacement heist from an alternate timeline self is extremely creepy considering how the “heroes” of the Void all changed until they were effectively replaced by alternate versions of themselves. He’d have tagged along for Meteor’s Regula mission and would have gotten to hear their version of the replacement heist after they escape from Garlemald together. (Meteor taking over this timeline’s version of themself grew much less important overall as the drafting continued, so it never really came up again beyond Titan where the alternate self died during Living Dead).

After that Unukalhai would have mellowed out a bit until he would join the Ascians and Cylva on the First to deal with the Flood of Light. That would’ve been the last of him until the part where Meteor and G’raha come to the Empty.

Overall, a non-POV Unukalhai would have been less gloomy but also would have been a completely different beast. He remains fairly introspective and reclusive across both drafts, but the reclusion gets the better of him as non-POV character.

The setting itself was also becoming rather rigid—part of having so many things set in stone while adding more and more. It would be extraordinarily hard to integrate whatever canon proceeded with. I couldn’t add or remove characters because that led to a ripple effect throughout the whole plot, and the ending was admittedly the first thing I decided on after I got the idea for the premise. It was the only thing I couldn’t negotiate myself out of.

I can work with that! I’ve worked with that before!

But unlike previous longfics, something about TTAU felt daunting in ways I couldn’t articulate at any point. Still can’t. I guess I just really wanted it to be everything I’d want to read at any given time, and I really am my own harshest critic. Great going, Ms aethercurrent née vanitaslaughing, now you’ve made yourself anxious about disappointing the target audience (yourself).

I also struggled with not only making it fun for me but also for readers; I wouldn’t have posted it if I didn’t want to share it with people. I hope I did a good job in the end, but really I can only speak for myself here. If you read it, even partially, I hope you at least had some measure of fun before you dropped that absolute behemoth of a fic, and if you finished it entirely there are no words in either language I speak to convey how happy I am that my silly big baby entertained you to stick through with it until the end.

I eventually reached a point where more and more details were starting to form that were needed to keep things straight while probably never coming up.

Every member of the Convocation before the Sundering has a name and was assigned a race. Most of them are mentioned in an Interlude, but in most cases there’s some sort of underlying joke to them. Similarly all of them received titles similar to Speaker, Emissary, Architect, Seer; I attempted to keep it somewhat balanced and/or in line with a fantasy government. Messenger Mitron and Listener Loghrif sound a bit redundant with the Emissary Elidibus around, but those two specifically mostly stick to Amaurot and the more immediate surrounding settlements—specifically calling back to that one city mentioned in the sidequests in Amaurot where you deal with the debating shades. Something akin to a national relations minister, an international relations minister, and one specifically for the neighbouring countries.

At around that time the Twelve were also decided to be actual genuine deities of the star. A bit of inspiration comes from Sailor Moon (nothing concretely 100% similar, but the Twelve are effectively the star’s Sailor Scouts who also have the ability to become a new small system if they decide to leave), but I mostly just wanted them to be, y’know. Gods. Coming back to the issue I have with canon going “everything’s Amaurot”, I can’t say I love how the Twelve are in canon but I do adore them as characters. It made me choosing Menphina as the one to speak with the group all the more sweeter since I think out of all of them she’s my favourite design-wise.

There was also the thing with the Seer position that needed to be tackled at this point. I’m morbidly fascinated by characters who know the story they’re in but can’t do much to influence it because they can only tell what path they’re on depending on the ending.

I think the biggest struggle especially towards the end was the fact that I often drafted at least two possible POVs for a chapter. I often went in expecting to write one POV, got stuck irreversibly on it somehow, steamrolled the whole thing, and wrote out the other draft. I’ve cannibalised previous drafts into complete rewrites of the same POV a lot more than you’d think I have. And I only save a copy of a chapter that reached a certain word threshold or if there’s something integral written to a degree I like.

One of the worst offenders of the bunch was Chapter 78… which became Chapter 79 when I posted it. Yeah. It got so bad and frustrating that I had to make dealing with Hythlodaeus future me’s problem. Thankfully it didn’t cut too much into the pacing thanks to Act XI being extremely slow due to how introspective it was.

In the earlier days one of the other struggles was formatting. Something about my documents went haywire when pasted, leading to endless strings of completely superfluous <spans> that added strange spacing issues between all that mess. It was something that my older works struggled with too, which became a non-issue over the years (thankfully. I shudder thinking about possibly having to deal with that issue while already spending 48 hours formatting Eden Rewrite correctly).

The documents just eventually started to bug out because they were so damned long. I never expected them to be in one, but I have five documents holding all of this fic. It’s rather funny to see four chilling and the fifth on top with a 00 as its first characters in the document title so I see it first.

It's... really bittersweet to remove that 00 and seeing them all together now.

That's... about it for the fic as it was posted there. Whether you read the fic or just read this post, once again: thank you.

Thank you for sticking with me for six years, or for reading about the earliest of these six years!

~

For those who remember at a certain point I was considering overhauling the fic and implementing canon from Endwalker at that time, there's a bit more post to go specifically relating to that idea!

You’d think I’d struggle with keeping the canon characters and the fanfiction versions apart as someone who prefers staying canon compliant, but over the years those guys became their own beasts. Ophion could never have been Themis, but why would I want them to be the same? I needed Ophion for this fic to work, after all.

A lot, and I mean a metric shitton of stuff, breaks and changes there. It’s been a fun thought experiment at the very least. I’ll be the first one to admit that I don’t like the Warrior of Light being a reincarnation of Azem’s sundered soul; I just like them being a nobody with no preconceived notion that they’re bound to adventure no matter what because that’s what their soul always did… but Hythlodaeus likewise can’t replace them in that case.

The solution to that first massive hurdle? I suck up the Azem thing, and instead of an Unsundered Hythlodaeus, the one that joins the party is the Shade. His plot stays surprisingly intact through all of that, but instead of dealing with forced indecisiveness it becomes more of a plot about identity and what to do when you’re a creation on the path to freeing the real deal you were based on.

Out of all of them, Lahabrea changes surprisingly little—I wrote him like a stern father to Igeyorhm in this, and you can mostly mix and match a lot of that onto Erichthonios. Instead of dealing with her ascensions and the fact that she needed to be taken out, Lahabrea gets to see his son reincarnate and die over and over again.

Honestly? I could even keep the dual Elidibus approach. Instead of Ophion (the previous one’s student) and Rafael (the Zodiark sacrifice), it would be Elidibus (the Heart of Zodiark) and Themis (the rest of the Heart still remaining with Zodiark). There would be a lot of overlap with the Shade here but in the end the Shade and Hythlodaeus would exist independently from one another while the Heart of Zodiark reunites and becomes Themis again.

I think the parts where I would have to genuinely start rewriting it entirely is where to integrate canon Venat over TTAU Venat and the Endsinger. TTAU Venat is a lot more mellow than canon Venat—a shitty mother but an excellent politician versus canon’s all-loving hero with an understanding of but no love lost for politics. The Meteia as a villain are a lot less vague and distant than the Star Itself. Instead of a journey to the innermost reaches it’s to the edge of the universe. Doable, yes, but marginally harder to do. Honestly, thinking about it as I’m writing this, I think I would have to do an arc where at least Meteor if not all Sundered go to Elpis in the past to learn something while the Unsundered+Shade remain in the present to deal with the Final Days…?

Actually, let’s tackle the characters one by one in a canon-adjusted remake.

This would be assuming that there is inter-shard travel so the starting group would still be Meteor, Ryne, and G’raha. The one major major change would be that instead of Elidibus the “Ancient” to go with them would be the Shade.

Meteor would change the least. They don’t care about being Alexis, they don’t care about being Azem either. They’re one of a handful children of a farmer family in La Noscea, not some sort of government freak from ancient times long before they were ever born. They didn’t start travelling because their soul told them to after they got the Echo, they started travelling because they damn well wanted to after seeing the Calamity, get outta here with that “Azem” nonsense.

In an Elpis episode they would do the opening section for the most part. Not much else to say here.

G’raha would be a lot more cheerful once the initial horror stage of travelling through time to prevent the end of the world again faded. He’d still have his struggles with the idea of possibly letting down the future Ironworks and being arguably the least experienced in the adventuring department.

In an Elpis episode, G’raha would likely be the one to deal with Venat overall. She’d be the perfect foil to him; an experienced traveller to his inexperienced adventurer. They’re both old but he’s barely a blip on her lifespan. They’re both incredibly determined to find the reason for why this is happening.

Ryne would feel a bit more resentment towards Ascians in general at that point. Other than that, her struggle was always being the odd one out amongst the Sundered, about being face to face with the woman she was named after and seeing why that woman was so beloved. About finding her own niche and staying there, no matter the people she loses.

I think out of all of the Sundered in a possible back-in-time-again Elpis episode, she would be the one to sympathise the most with Hermes despite also possibly interacting with him the least; she would likely lead the charge right before Ktisis Hyperboreia and her plot in Elpis would mostly be about travelling treacherous foreign terrain just the way Thancred taught her.

Unukalhai’s a bit of an odd case. After all there’s still two drafts, one where he joins the party as main POV character, and one where he becomes something along the lines of TTAU Minfilia. In a rework of that, I’d have to apply a lot of the Void lore since revealed to him, which makes him go from an odd case to an even odder case. He’d… either possibly involuntarily make Azdaja’s predicament worse, or free her before Endwalker happens but she loses her memories and becomes his cool new partner in crime until a completely flabbergasted Vrtra has to drop the facade immediately because no one told him a thrice-damned Warrior of Light had his sister tagging along what the fuck.

The hypothetical Elpis Episode would have a POV Unukalhai likely be the one to help Meteion get a gift for Hermes. His already intense internal hatred coming to the surface to turn a flower from bright white to darkest shadow, mirroring what happened with Hermes and the flowers in the past? Yeah. That’s the good shit.

In a non-POV case he’d stick with the Scions to help deal with the Final Days and his section of the story most likely would have gone to Ryne.

Ophion would likely still be a soul in Zodiark. Other than that, he’s not relevant.

Themis or the Heart of Zodiark… wouldn’t necessarily be the first one to join them. Actually, I think he’d be the last one. Immovable object without memories meets unstoppable force that draws in his allies. Overall he would be a lot colder on account of having no memories, and be rather fiercely protective of the other Unsundered for reasons he cannot recall. He’d make for an excellent diplomat, but it would likewise lead straight into his greatest vice: vague, foggy memories of something other other that might float up to the surface on occasion. Claudien would be an extremely weak spot for him, except unlike Lahabrea in the same position, Themis cannot tell how or why he’s reacting like that.

While the Sundered are off for their Episode Elpis, Themis would likely scour through the Crystal Tower to find a way to interact with the him from the timeline the others came from.

Emet-Selch would be the first legitimate Ascian to “join” their cause.

Mostly out of morbid curiosity, partially because he wants to figure out how in the name of all good graces a recreation of Hythlodaeus with sentience so advanced it can be deadpan sarcastic and have an identity crisis is with there, and it’s driving him just a bit insane. He’d actually be a lot more antagonistic as a result, and he’d be the one mostly bemoaning the Sundered and how Meteor is a disgrace to Azem early on until they have enough of his nonsense and beat him up. That would serve the purpose of actually confirming that they have the strength to kill an alternate timeline version of Emet-Selch and he mellows out a bit. Not much. Just a bit.

Overall he’d be a lot more prickly—which makes for an interesting switch when during the Final Days on the Source he very swiftly drops the antagonism. It’s a bit of a “been there, done that” attitude but since the star itself is in danger he has surprisingly few qualms about saving a few Sundered while he’s at it.

Lahabrea wouldn’t change much like I said, though there would be a lot more ruthlessness behind anything and everything he does. He’s willing to walk over corpses no matter what instead of calming down a little on that once he’s been thoroughly humbled (and untempered).

He’d also be a bit more strangely sentimental internally around Minfilia specifically; he already compares her to Igeyorhm a few times in TTAU proper but in a canon-compliant rewrite the comparison point would be Erichthonios. No matter how ruthless he is, at the end of Pandæmonium he and Erichthonios started the long journey of making up, and Minfilia reminds him of Erichthonios’s best qualities in a quite haunting way. They’re both tenacious and care about everything and everyone from the bystander to the one causing the mess… except Minfilia is a bit more spicy and willing to speak her mind. He wouldn’t be as fond of her by the end, but he’d still accept her terms and teach her.

Lahabrea during the Final Days would likely be recruited by Urianger and the Loporrits as additional quality control.

I’ve gone over the Hyth Shade, but the endgame there would be essentially affirming that he is as much a person as the Sundered are. Sure, he may have been someone else’s creation but that doesn’t make him any less a person on this star, not to mention he was one of the time travellers.

The real Hythlodaeus also would’ve been rather delighted to have an identical twin, and one who’s fighting against the Final Days no less.

Can’t go into too much detail otherwise, since this canon compliant version never quite left the drafting phases for obvious reasons. He’s the one character who more reacted to the plot than being the one to move it along, and without the plot there isn’t much to say.

He’d have stayed behind to deal with the Final Days, and he’d likely have been one of the first to go to Garlemald when news of the skies changing there broke.

The one major departure from canon would be that Zodiark and Hydaelyn aren’t fully slain—Zodiark specifically it put under a complete stasis spell in the middle of unravelling, but that breaks the protective shroud He has over Etheirys and the Final Days start happening again. Hydaelyn created meticulous seals and mechanisms to ensure that despite being bound the protective shroud remains, but under full stasis and while the whole thing is falling apart…

(Hyth Shade was the one to suggest it to the Watcher, Elidibus, and Emet-Selch as an absolute last resort. None of them really wanted Zodiark to suffer; the main goal still remains to bring back those Ancients should it prove possible).

All issues with how wonky and not finished that is aside, I’d also get a lot of extremely fun things to explore. Jullus already is one of my favourite characters introduced in Endwalker, but having him tell his story to Emet-Selch would be super interesting. There’s knowing what you’re doing, and there’s coming face to face with it, and that would genuinely be super cool to do.

Then there’d be the whole Heart of Sabik business—I’d unironically love for that whole mess to unfold with the real Lahabrea and Elidibus there while there’s memory-creations Erichthonios and Themis there as well. That would be absolutely chaotic on top of Athena also being there. Atrocious vibes, ten out of ten.

Likewise, Ryne and Vrtra would also be an interesting pair of characters to interact; they’re both the youngest siblings (of a sort in Ryne’s case), they’re both intensely protective of the people they care about, and they couldn’t bring themselves to hurt those they love even if it were absolutely necessary until someone else confirmed that this was the only way. There’s also that loss of family (Azdaja missing, Ratatoskr/Bahamut/Nidhogg dead; the whole abandoned timeline) that would have them interact in a neat way too, they’re quite similar to each other.

Unukalhai and Zero. She’s effectively everything he was said to be and they both failed. There’d be an interesting dynamic between them because of that—even if getting Zero in on the plot would be rather hard. Unukalhai would definitely try and sympathise with Zenos’s voidsent and maybe try to get them to abandon their master, and through that realise that she might not be there entirely willingly.

But overall, the hardest character to implement would be the Meteia. There’s eight main characters and there’s eight different opinions on this mess, ranging from intensely sympathetic and willing to rebuild burnt bridges (Ryne, Meteor, Hyth Shade, Elidibus if he regains his memories before Ultima Thule), apathetic despite how high the stakes are (Unukalhai, Elidibus if he doesn’t regain his memories), different levels of less sympathetic (Lahabrea, Emet-Selch), and the option where G’raha has such intense issues with being not overly sympathetic and having no sympathy at all that his understanding of the situation is wildly out of control until the very end.

Having worked with them as both individuals and as a hivemind in a couple writing exercises, I honestly would have had a Meteion for every main character, and give all eight of them a proper story on top of what’s already going on there. Narrative foils that lead both parties to Ultima Thule.

Putting that one lightly: that would’ve been a goddamn motherfucking nightmare to write. Fun, but a nightmare.

And that's a lot coming out of Ms Almost Half a Million Words Across Six Years.

[all-risejd]

A New Judgment Chapter 8: Dreaming of You (Poly Judgment Day)

Sorry it took so long to post this I am in college and am working on my finals. Thank you for you patience with my updates.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7.

Rhea quietly leaves the hotel room and enters the hall shaking her head at the ridiculousness she just heard. She steps across the hallway and uses the spare keycard and opens the door. She enters the room to see Damien lounging on the couch, Finn's legs draped across his lap and Dominik sitting on the edge of one of the beds staring at the floor.

"Dom Dom you idiot!" Rhea groans as she closes the door. Dominik looks up at her his eyes wide, the others eyeing him as well. "She still forgives you, she just needs to process that conversation." Rhea explains as she sits on the bed opposite Dom and rests her elbows on her knees, leaning forward and clasping her hands together.

"What did you tell her, Dom?" Finn asks and the three of them look at Dom expectantly. Rhea gestures for him to go ahead and explain and he does. Once he finishes everyone starts talking over each other.

"Jesus Dom, can you form coherent thoughts around her?" Rhea sarcastically asks.

Damien's voice however overshadows everyone, "That's worse than the explanation you gave us at Wrestlemania."

Dominik groans and flops onto his back on the bed. "I know, and it is my biggest regret."

"Wait and she understood that incoherent string of thoughts? And still forgives him and wants to move forward?" Finn asks and Rhea nods affirmatively.

Finn whistles impressed, "Dom, love, you are incredibly lucky. She is gracious enough to forgive and to consider all this." He gestures around them and continues, "Do try not to fuck up the progress you have somehow made with her for all our sakes..."

Rhea stretches before lounging back on her elbows on the bed and asks, "Luis what happened last night?"

"Well aside from Dom not opening doors for her," Damien glares at Dominik who holds his hands up in surrender. "She is very receptive to the thought of the dynamic and said she is willing for all of it, even being romantic with Dom again. She still loves you" He explains further and Dom sighs in relief.

"What else did she say?" Dom asks, encouraged by the last statement.

"She asked sexual questions and answered some in return. I think there is a strong chance she will join us after she gets to know us more. I made it clear she is to communicate if we make her uncomfortable, and that there will be a boundary discussion in the future. Oh, and she almost asked if you all would be ok if me and her fucked, asking about one on one time." This makes Dominik sit straight up and makes Finn and Rhea laugh.

"Wait, you said she almost asked?" Dominik asks for clarification.

"She was about to say 'me' but instead said 'Mami' like I wouldn't notice," Damien laughs.

"And how did you answer?" Finn prompts.

"The truth, it doesn't matter so long as we don't exclude each other all the time, we are all equals in an equal relationship." Damien explains to a chorus of "good".

"We are going to have to make sure she takes care of herself won't we?" Rhea asks, having a good idea of the answer.

"Yeah she focuses more on helping others than herself." Dom explains and the others nod along understanding.

"Dom, we need to talk about why she blames herself for you breaking up with her." Damien's announcement makes Dominik's head jerk in his direction.

"She What!" He yells only to be shushed by his partners.

"She feels like it is in part because she was unable to provide you with a lot of sex, because of the pandemic and her job as well as after you were rarely able to see eachother but once or twice a week." He explains maintaining eye contact with Dom who groans and is filled with even more guilt. The rest of them look at him sympathetically.

"Is that the truth Dom?" Finn asks only for Dominik to snap back at him.

Dominik was not normally harsh, but, "Of course not, I told you why I did it and I was a fucking idiot."

"Then you need to tell her that Dom, and soon or even if she joins us she will feel pressured and we don't want that." Rhea gently tells Dom as she joins him on the bed and pulls him into a hug, gently stroking the back of his head.

"I was so worried for her safety in 2020. She has done so much for me, to protect me and my career, that isn't, I can't believe, fuck!" He rambles and Rhea tries to comfort him.

"It's ok Dom Dom, she was in better spirits when I left the room. Hope is not lost love. That isn't your fault either." Rhea offers to comfort him.

"Yeah Dom, explain that first part to her. The pandemic was hard on all of us. Insecurities are bound to pop up; it is nothing we can't handle."

"Always the voice of reason. " Damien teases, gently squeezing Finn's calf that is still on his lap.

Rhea gives Dom a gentle kiss which helps calm him down, "Practice what you are going to say with me before I go wake her up." She suggests and he agrees.

He takes a minute to collect his thoughts. "Hey Nessa," He laughs at Rhea's attempt to mimic Nessas doe eyes, Damien and Finn laughing along. "Come on Mami be serious." Dom whines and Rhea laughs before agreeing and letting him try again. "Hey Nes, Damien said something about last night that I want to address and clear the air. Nes, I love you and I did not break up with you due to lack of sex or the distance between us because of the pandemic or our jobs. I told you it was because I was scared you were beginning to resent me and I felt bad about not being there for you and that is the truth. It is because I was scared and was a coward and didn't know how to talk to you. The lack of sex wasn't even a factor."

"Hmm it's clear and leaves no room for misunderstanding." Damien nods approvingly.

Rhea however, looks apprehensive. "I think you should also add that you never wanted or want her to feel pressured to have sex. And maybe reiterate how much of an absolute idiot you were." she nudges his shoulder.

"Yeah ok Dems I'll do that." He rolls his eyes. She gets off the bed and leans down to give Dom another kiss and walks over and does the same for Finn and Damien who gives her ass a slap as she walks away.

"It's unfair you have to room away from us now" Damien complains.

"I know, doll, Paul wants me to keep an eye on her and make sure she is ok. We will be rooming again soon hopefully" Rhea swats Damiens hand away playfully and adds on, "I'm going to wake Nes up, I'll come and get you when she is ready Dom." She calls out before closing the door behind her.

Rhea enters the room she shares with Nessa and sits on the edge of the bed where Nessa is sound asleep. She gently brushes the hair off of Nessas face and smiles as she scrunches up her face at the disturbance but doesn't wake up. "Nes wake up love, you gotta get ready for training..." Rhea gently shakes Nessa's shoulders who groans in response and cuddles closer into the covers.

"Five more minutes mom" She mumbles unaware of where or who she is with.

Rhea laughs, "Not mom but I will answer to Mami. Now get up!" Rhea rips the blanket off of Nessa who startles awake, sitting up and looking around. She sees Rhea there with the blanket in her hand laughing and plops back down onto the pillow she just vacated.

"Sorry Demi I'm just so tired" Nessa apologizes and yawns for emphasis.

"It's fine doll, just do me a favor and get ready for training so we can grab a quick bite beforehand. Oh and Dom Dom wants to talk to you before we go is that ok?"

Nessa rolls out of the bed and scratches her head, "Uh yeah, that's fine I guess. What is it about?" She asks while digging through her luggage for her gym gear.

"He feels there is something he needs to clear the air about." Rhea answers watching as Nessa trudges to the bathroom to change.

She comes out after a few minutes and gives Rhea her best puppy dog eyes, "Can you give me a hint what it's about?"

Rhea laughs and shakes her head, "Oh no Ojitos don't work on me nice try, they may work on Dom and Luis but not me," She shuts Nessa down who only pouts.

Rhea stands up off the bed and heads to the door, stopping in the doorway, "I'll go get Dom, we will be in the other room if you need us."

"Thank you Dems," Nessa calls out as Rhea disappears from view. Nessa starts pacing around the room trying to figure out what Dom could possibly want to talk about. She is pulled out of her thoughts by a knock on the doorframe. She stops in her tracks and looks to see Dominik as he is leaning against the door frame.

"Hey Nes, uh, Luis talked to us about last night and he brought up a concern I feel I need to talk to you about." He rubs the back of his neck waiting for permission to enter. Nessa sits on the bed and pats the spot next to her. Dominik walks in, Shoulders relaxed, folding in on himself to seem smaller and sits next to Nessa leaving at least a foot of space between them. Nessa scoots closer to him, wanting to comfort him as well as herself. She decides to break the awkward silence between them.

"I want to apologize for being distant after you explained everything this morning." She begins knowing her response earlier in the car made him feel even worse.

Dom's eyes widen and he starts waving his hands like he is trying to stop that train of thought. "No, No, No, Nes Don't apologize for how you feel and what you need to do to process those emotions. Nessa You are allowed to react and feel and process how you need to." Dom wraps his arm around her shoulders and leans his head against hers.

"Look Mi.." He sighs and continues correcting himself, "Look Nes, Luis said that you think at least somewhat that the reason or a reason I broke up with you is because we couldn't have sex a lot, from 2020 to traveling again and you felt, feel possibly that it is your fault." He starts, what he rehearsed going out the window. He feels her shrugs and he uses his free hand to grab hers closest to his body and he continues.

"Because that was not and will never be a factor. I was so afraid for your life these last few years and even the thought of sex was an afterthought. I did what I did out of fear as I explained this morning. You have always been and will be enough. I was, am and will be happy with whatever you are willing to give, we will all be. So hermosa, don't ever blame yourself for my own stupidity. And if that is not clear enough I did not break up with you because of lack of sex." He kisses her temple happy that she doesn't pull away.

He takes in a sharp breath and groans, "Fuck thats not how I practiced it!"Nessa surprises him by pivoting and throwing her arms around his waist and burying her face into his shoulder, taking in his familiar and comforting scent.

"Thanks Dom. Just, thanks." She mutters into his chest.

He physically relaxes and places his hand gently on the back of her head and plays with her hair like he used to.

The little moment of peace is interrupted by Finn poking his head in the open door his hand "covering" his eyes, his fingers spread so he can look through them.

"Oi love birds the rest of us don't want to get fined again so lets go" He fully steps in the room and takes his hand off his face and laughs at the confused look Nessa is giving him.

"Come on Nes" Dom stands up and offers his hand to help her up. She gently takes it and stands up herself ignoring the snickering coming from the doorway.

"Yeah let me just grab my gym bag." Nessa looks around the room trying to find it.

"Is it this love?" Comes Finns voice teasing as he holds it up in his hands.

Nessa steps towards him holding out her hand reminescent of the night before with Damien.

"Thank you Finn, I can carry my own bag." She cocks her head expectantly waiting for him to hand it over. He only laughs and slings it over his shoulder walking into the hallway. Nessa groans frustrated at how stubborn the men are that she is finding herself drawn to. She crosses her arms and stomps into the hallway grumbling to herself and almost walks straight into Rhea.

"Whats wrong now" Rhea asks throwing her arm around Nessas shoulder and walking with her.

"Just stubborn men not letting me carry any of my bags." Nessa complains nudging Rhea.

"You carry your purse, so you do get to carry one of your bags." Damien calls out over his shoulder where both his and Rheas bag are slung over his shoulder.

"Thats only because you macho men don't want to be seen carrying a purse." Nessa shoots back and sticks out her tongue.

"Bet" Is all she hears before her purse is pulled out of her hand and slid up Finns forearm.

He begins to strut ahead of them and out the door, the car keys in his other hand. Nessa sees an opportunity as Damien and Dominik are discussing something and not paying attention to her and she bolts out from under Rheas arm once Finn is at the car and flings open the car door plopping into the passenger seat victorious and doing a happy dance.

Dom gets in the car first in the back seat taking the middle between Rhea and Damien who gets in last and closes the door before leaning forward, his head between Finn and Nessa.

"Enjoy that because that is the last time you beat me to the car princess" He growls before plopping back and fastening his seatbelt.

Nessas puts her hand towards the backseat only for Rhea to slap it like a high five.

"Dom phone please, I liked that playlist from earlier and I want to listen to it again." Nessa asks, no room for denial in her tone as she does the give it here motion. He hands his phone over right away.

"What playlist, Finn is driving so he picks the music thats the rule." Damien asks confused.

"She is a passenger princess she makes the rules." Dom shrugs just happy Nessa isn't upset or giving him the cold shoulder anymore.

"We can allow it this time" Rhea speaks up with a tone of finality.

"Yeah and sometimes it isn't the driver picking, you are just scared of what she is going to pick babe" Dom elbows Damien who grunts in annoyance being squeezed against the door.

Nessa unlocks Doms phone, surprised he never changed the passcode and opens his spotify and is floored by the name of the most recent playlist. "Memories of Ness <3". She glances back at him, a blush creeping up both of their cheeks. She links the phone and clicks play, the first song gaining a sigh of relief from the people in the back.

"Thank god its something reasonable, Black Veil Brides Rhea praises." Nessa leaves it on, smirking to herself seeing the next song on the playlist. She locks the phone and places it in the center console, Damien bemoaning the choice of band. Nessa doesn't see, but she hears a smack assuming Rhea thumped his thigh for complaining about one of her favorite bands.

Rhea and Nessa sing along as Finn drives and Damien bicker over space since all three of them are squished together in the back seat. Soon enough the song changes and Barbie girl comes on and Nessa giggles and bounces in her seat singing along.

"I'm a barbie girl"

"Nuh uh, No. We aren't doing that." Damien unbuckles himself to lean forward to grab the phone, the other two in the back fighting to hold him back. Damiens arm comes between the seats only for Finn to snatch the phone and toss it under his leg sitting on it.

"Sit the fuck back down, you are not about to make me wreck or get a ticket." We are going to listen to the music Nessa chose respectfully just as she will when It is our turns." Finn orders, slapping Damiens hand away from his thigh.

"You're gonna pay for that" Damien growls in Finns ear, squeezing his thigh tightly before sitting back down and refastening his seatbelt. Nessa stops singing watches Finn as he swallows and fidgets in his seat.

"Whats wrong mini me, why did you stop singing" Rhea reaches forward and touches her shoulder. Nessa places her hand on top of Rheas.

"Yeah just got distracted." Nessa answers shaking her head and returning to singing along, though with not as much energy as she had before. Damiens promise to Finn making her feel as if ithe car heat up and wishing it was directed towards her.

The song changes again, this time Dreming of you comes on and Nessa locks eyes with Dominik through the rearview mirror recognizing their song, and she smiles at him. Nessa sings along softly matching the mood of the song, Dominik singing along with her.

Rhea and Damien share a look across Dominik, Damien mouths,

"Pay up" slowly for emphasis.

Rhea just flips him off and laughs, happy that her Dom Dom is happy and getting what he wants. They pull into the gym where they are to meet their trainers before the song ends.

Rhea places her hand on Nessa's shoulder to distract her for long enough for Damien to jog behind the car and come to her side and open both doors.

"Oh it's like that?" Nessa asks playfully as she steps out of the car Rhea doing the same and laughing, throwing her head back enjoying the lighthearted frustration Nessa is showing. "Come on lets go in, you can have your standoff later." Finn calls out from behind the trunk grabbing His and Nessa's bags again including her purse. Nessa sticks her tongue out at him before making her way towards the door between Rhea and Damien.

_________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later they exit the building, Nessa groaning.

"Oh my god I wanna die" Nessa throws her hands up in the air then whimpers exaggeratedly. Rhea snorts at her theatrics.

"Mamita, it wasn't that bad. It's good for you." Damien chimes in, eyeing her up and down just to be sure she is ok.

"Why aren't you complaining about us carrying your bags this time?" He adds on, adjusting the bags in his hand.

"I'm too sore, you can have this round" Nessa shrugs grabbing Rheas forearm and tossing her arm around her shoulders like it was the most natural thing to do. Staying like that until they reach the car.

Nessa leans against Rhea, waiting for the boys to finish tossing the bags into the trunk and open the car door for them. Nessa to exhausted to fight to do it for herself this time.

"I'm still driving, figure out where you all are going to sit." Finn calls out as he gets in the car.

"You are objectively the smallest of us sweetheart, why don't you sit in the back with us, in the middle so we have some room?" Rhea asks and Nessa nods in agreement, letting out a yawn.

"Ill get shotgun I'm taller than everyone and need some leg room." Damien calls out, looking at Dom, daring him to argue.

Everyone chimes in with some sort of agreement. Both Dominik and Damien go to one side of the car and open the doors, Dom gets in right away and closes the door leaving Rhea and Nessa to go over to Damien. He smiles at her as she slides in and settles in the middle and Rhea gets in beside her.

Once Damien gets in the car Finn starts it and heads back towards the hotel. Dom's phone is still linked to the radio so the song comes back on. Nessa grabs Doms hand and leans her head on Rhea's shoulder and closes her eyes content with the atmosphere in the car.

In no time at all Nessas grip on Doms hand relaxes as she falls asleep, her head still on Rheas shoulder.

"Dom Dom was that your song?" Rhea quietly asks, so as to not wake Nessa up.

"Yeah, when everything shut down this became our song. We were together for a year at that point. It was a way to express how much we miss and love each other." He explained to a chorus of them cooing at him. He blushes at the attention. Nessa stirs and they all quiet down until they are sure she is still asleep.

"Dom, she was translating for us yesterday. She speaks spanish?" Damien asks, plans forming in his head.

"Yes and no. She can understand a fair bit, but she can't actively speak it. It's weird." Dom explains glancing at Nessas peaceful figure and smiles.

"She was fluent as a kid wasn't she?" Finn asks.

"Yeah" Comes Dom's answer.

"That happens sometimes, a use it or lose it situation." Damien comments, rolling his eyes as the playlist continues to be confusing.

"What even is this playlist" He grumbles.

"Songs that Nessa loves and that made her happy." I made the playlist after, well. I missed her and it made me think of her." Dom explains and he feels Nessa grip his hand again telling him she heard him.

"What were you going to say when she stopped you?" Damien asks, the question has been sitting in his mind since it happened.

"I can't tell you. It's not my place nor my story. She will tell you if and when she is ready" Dom answers now aware Nessa is awake.

Nessa picks her head up and stretches, letting out a little groan at her stiffness.

"Lo siento Mamita did we wake you?" Damien apologizes,

"No, not really i'm hungry. I thought we were supposed to eat before going to training." Nessa whines.

"We would have love, but you were too busy cuddling Dom and we ran out of time." Finn explains glancing at her through the mirror.

"We are going back to the hotel to shower and change then we are going out to dinner and to have some fun like we discussed earlier bunny." Rhea explains, trying out a new nickname for Nessa.

"Oh why bunny? thats cute I like it." Nessa says approvingly, nudging Rheas shoulder.

"You are cute, small and bouncy." Rhea shrugs, happy that Nessa is taking everything in stride.

Finn pulls into the parking lot of the hotel. Dom gets out of the car first and holds his hands out palm up offering Nessa assistance. She takes his hand and allows him to help her out of the car and closes the door behind her. Rhea getting out of the other side where Damien holds the door for her.

"Dom, it's your turn to carry bags." Damien calls out over the car. Dom releases Nessas hand and goes to the trunk with Finn who hands her her purse back before grabbing half the gym bags.

_________________________________________________________________________

Nessa and Rhea enter their hotel room, Dominik and Finn following closely behind with their bags. The boys set the bags down by the armchair, Dominik plopping down over the arm rest, Finn leaning against the chair and Damien just leaning against the doorframe.

"Since we all have to shower and change lets say an hour, hour and a half? So you ladies can do your makeup if you want?" Finn suggests, just trying to get the plan set.

"Yeah that sounds perfect babe," Rhea agrees the rest nodding along.

"Well go get started then" Nessa pulls up Dominik and pushes him and Finn towards the door trying to get them to leave so she can start getting ready.

""Ok princesa, no need to get violent" Dominik teases and Finn laughs as the three of them are ushered out the door which promptly closes in their face.

Nessa turns around to Rhea doubled over in laughter.

"What just because I forgive him does not mean he gets to see all this again.... Yet" Nessa gestures to herself and continues.

"And that goes for the others, I havent decided to join... yet."

Rhea's laughter dies down as a question comes to her mind and she decides to ask it.

"But you are comfortable getting ready in front of me, knowing I want you just as much as the others?"

Nessa shrugs unable to explain her ease around the woman.

"I just am." Is the best she can explain.

"Allright then, would you like to shower first. I tend to use up all the hot water." Rhea offers and watches as Nessa opens and closes her mouth before her face flushing as red as she has ever seen it.

"What is it bunny" Rhea asks, stepping towards where Nessa is standing.

Nessa shakes her head trying to clear her thoughts.

"I uh, I had a thought but that would be inappropriate at the moment." Nessa whispers, clasping her hands together behind her back and swaying back and forth.

"What was the thought Bunny, tell me" Rhea asks, having an idea but just wanting Nessa to admit it. Nessa stops swaying and meets Rheas gaze, noticing the calm expression on her face contrasts to the size of her pupils. In that momen Nessa knows that Rhea knew what the thought was and just wants her to admit it.

"That we could share.." Nessa admits almost unable to be heard. Rhea takes a step back to give Nessa some space before she responds.

"We are going the speed you want Bunny, If you want to shower with me all you have to do is ask. But that would be inappropriate at the moment I agree. Not that I wouldn't love to join you gorgeous" Rhea swallows trying to control her tone and actions to not make Nessa uncomfortable but the woman knows how to press her buttons and it has only been a few days.

"I'm sorry.." Nessa starts to apologize only to be cut off.

"No, don't apologize. You are testing waters and trying to see if this is something you want. But if this carrys on we might need to have the boundaries discussion before you have a decision. And before you worry your little head you have not crossed one, we are afraid of crossing yours. Now go shower... Please" Rhea pauses at the end before adding the please.

Nessa doesn't verbally respond, blushing from embarrassment from the last few minutes, instead she does as told and goes into the bathroom and showers, letting out a shuttering breath as she steps into the running water.

She makes sure to be as quick as possible to save hot water for Rhea. Nessa steps out of the shower and wraps the towel around herself, grabbing another for her hair. Once the towl is secured around her she steps out of the bathroom having not brought any clothes in there with her.

Rhea groans seeing this,

"You weren't kidding when you said you were ok with rooming with me." Rhea stands up off the bed and goes over to where Nessa is standing.

"Sorry, I I forgot to bring my clothes in" Nessa stutters as Rhea gets closer an rests a hand on Nessas cheek and leans down close to her face.

"Nessa, if I overstep you need to tell me because they way you have been the last two days, especially today acting as if you have already joined us and we don't want to force you into anything." Rhea rests her forehead on Nessas and gently presses their lips together in a tentative kiss.

Nessa holds her towel with one hand and uses the other to grab the hand resting on her face, pulling it off and placing a kiss to the palm. Rhea shivers at the returned affection and swallows again.

"I'm gonna go shower, to give you time to get ready. Lets uh, talk one on one during dinner" Rhea states softly, not having moved away from Nessa, still looking into her eyes.

"Yeah, ok." Nessa agrees and steps back biting her lip wondering if she went too far, especially without making her decision. Rhea steps forward and grabs her face gently one hand on each cheek.

"Hey, don't do that Bunny. Like I said we are following your lead. If you want distance all you have to do is ask. If you want to explore we can do that too but conversations need to be had before that." Rhea tries to stop the mental spiral that Nessa was starting. Nessa nods her head still in Rheahs hands.

"I need words love." Rhea prompts not satisfied with just nodding,

"Ok Demi." Nessa answers and Rhea kisses her forehead before releasing her grip and heading towards the bathroom and closing the door behind her. Nessa takes a deep breath and calms her self for a minute before getting dressed and throwing on some quick makeup to be ready when Rhea gets out.

[magnetarbeam]

I'm too tired to really be capable of coherence, but my ideas about the TCW-based fighter pilot drama fic - I've called it Jedi Ace so far - aren't very coherent yet anyway, so I feel like I can infodump about that.

This is meant to be about a whole squadron of pilots, which is twelve, but I want the most focus of those to be on Ahsoka and the troopers Kickback and Swoop, the only survivors of her fuckup at Ryloth. I've seen one or two fics that have her apologize to them after it, and I think in all of them they forgave her for it for reasons that revolve around that she was a kid forced into a command position with no choice and no training. Here, I want to acknowledge, in some capacity of substance, that there was more to it than that.

Yeah, it was Ahsoka not knowing what she was doing, but it was also her not thinking things out because her outstanding (for her age) skills at stuff like lightsaber combat had gone to her head and she assumed she'd be able to do this too.

(For what it's worth, I wouldn't be too surprised to learn that Filoni thought she would have been able to take out a Lucrehulk with just the lasers on her Delta-7B, but in this case that ignorance is actually useful.)

And of course, Ahsoka also constantly feels the need to prove to her Master that she's good enough for him, so he doesn't decide to give her back after all, which she failed to do here.

The first thing I really need to do here is come up with actual characters for Kickback and Swoop, but I have a hard time imagining them both forgiving her instantly in this. Part of it depends on how much time actually passed between the two assaults on the blockade forces over Ryloth. If it was, like, a couple days, there could be time for some emotional processing.

(My Legends-supremacist attitudes are gonna bleed through a bit here because I'm using the books' description of Ryloth, and also completely rewriting the second assault to neutralize the bullshit about Ahsoka having come up witn the Marg Sabl, which itself is discussed in a completely fucking different context in the books.)

In any event, I want them to have forgiven her enough to fly with her again by the turn of the second year of the war. The setup for how she finds out about their Force-sensitivity is a battle I'm not gonna go into full detail about, but I'm using a generous dose of Canon-Typical Inaccurate Astrophysics by having it take place in the Roche system (I have no idea what side, if, any, the Verpines actually took in that war, but I like it as setup here, so I'm not gonna change it unless I specifically find out that they weren't loyal) when fleet elements working with the 501st and 327th are reprovisioning after retreating from Felucia for the fuckteenth time. For this battle, Kickback has to be transferred out of Ahsoka's squadron (which at that point is her Delta-7B and eleven of the weird clone spinoff models of the Z-95) and put in charge of twenty-three shinies in BTL-B Y-Wings. For tactical reasons, the fighters are limited to communications of a sufficiently low power to only reach the distances of a single squadron's formation.

Here, I've chosen to reference one of the few bits of IRL naval history I actually know, which is the Battle of Midway, and how (at least the way it was told to me) it was basically just dumb luck that the one guy's bomber squadron showed up to the Japanese fleet at exactly the same time that all the Zeros were going after the other guy's bomber squadron.

This time, however, the "dumb luck" of their two squadrons coordinating their attack perfectly, without comms, makes Ahsoka suspicious because she knows just as well as any other Jedi what that can be a sign of. After she investigates, she finds that Kickback and Swoop are both not only Force-sensitive, but have already formed a bond through which they're unconsciously coordinating in combat.

A few months later, the first operational squadron of the new Eta-2 Actis interceptors are delivered to the Resolute. These are not only faster than the preceding Delta-series interceptors, but they're also intended for mass production and use by clones and regular natborn pilots in addition to Jedi, who can strip out a bunch of sensor and targeting systems and cut mass to make them even faster, and they have to rely on the Force to make up for the ship's own capabilities that were stripped out. Ahsoka is inspired by this, and the sensitivity of two of her pilots, to conceive an idea that she presents to Anakin and Yularen: A full squadron of the new interceptors, all stripped down to Jedi specs, and flown by Ahsoka herself and eleven clones with the necessary ability and training to coordinate in combat through the Force.

Yularen and Anakin have their doubts about whether it'll work, especially since finding that many clone troopers with Force ability, let alone training them, is going to take weeks. (If I was not constrained by the timescale of the entire war, it would be a lot longer.)

Nevertheless, Anakin agrees to put the word out among the other battalions(/legions/what-the-fuck-ever) asking for more troopers that are suspected or confirmed as Force-sensitive, and in the meantime Ahsoka works on more training for Kickback and Swoop as the start of the idea.

That's about my attention span for now.

[deepinifhell]

OC in 15 - Lauren Jenkins Rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

You're getting some snippets because some of them are more fun that way.

Warnings: pregnancy mention, implied past sexual assault, suicide attempt, drug use mention 1. “Bobby,” Lauren begins slowly, “if you don’t turn around and get out of my sight I will fuck your dad and become your stepmother.”

Bobby’s mouth falls open, and then shuts again. When he next opens his mouth to speak she cuts him off first. 

“I’ve met your dad, Bobby. You know I could.” 2. “I’m gonna save you a lot of time Nate.  As a rule of thumb: you don’t want to know about anything I did in college.” 3. “Yeah, well, I was on a lot more drugs at the time."

4. Lauren leans away from Morgan’s hands before they are even within a foot of her, bringing her hands up to further enforce the boundary. 

“Your ankle might be broken. How else you are you planning on getting back?”

“None of your business!” Lauren snaps, reflexively.

5. “She’s so hot it pisses me off,” Lauren complains, running her fingers through her hair. “How am I supposed to get any work done when she’s just…there?” 

“Usually, you just don’t,” Farah points out with a waggle of her eyebrows.

6- 10. “I’ve spoken to Rebecca more in the past few months than I have in the last decade, if that’ll shut you up,” Lauren tells Nate. 

“I— really?” Nate asks in obvious surprise. 

“There’s a reason you didn’t know she had a kid for so long, dumbass. The last time I called her I was in jail.” 

“That’s right! You got your job at the station because it was that or jail, right?” Farah asks, eyes gleaming. Lauren nods. “So…what did you do?”

“Stabbed a guy,” Lauren says simply. “But I have it on good authority that he deserved it."

“And just whose authority is that?” Adam asks incredulously. 

“Captain Sung. You think he’d let me within 5 feet of his precious station if he thought I was a serious problem?”  

“He cares about the station?” Farah asks. 

“Yeah, it’s like when you have a kid that you say you love but you never see or interact with them.” 11. “I’m pregnant!”  “Shit,” Lauren swears surprisingly quietly, “do you need a ride to the clinic?” 

“Lauren,” Nate gasps, glaring at Lauren’s back before turning to face a townsperson, whose name he doesn’t even know,  with irritating familiarity. “Congratulations.” 

“She offered to help,” Morgan says with a shrug.

12. “Do you just go around letting people touch you when you don’t want them to?” Morgan asks.

“I wouldn’t call it unwanted when I let them do it,” Lauren says dismissively. Morgan’s hands loosen on her shoulder, hesitating. 

13. "Why exactly would I do that?" Adam asks, eyes narrowed and shoulders hunched by his ears.

Lauren gets up from her chair in favor of straddling Morgan's hips. She glances back at Adam to make sure he's watching before dragging her tongue in a long stripe up Morgan's neck. Morgan shivers underneath her. "Because I licked it so it's mine."

14. "Ugh...do you have any idea how much paper work I'm gonna have to do if you kill yourself?" Lauren asks as she slides into the passenger seat of the sedan. She pulls a candy bar out of her pocket and pushes it toward the snotty red-faced teen. They take it with some garbled sound that is either an attempt at communication or just a weird sob. It doesn't really matter, they're so worked up its going to be a few minutes before they're coherent either way.

"Eat that," Lauren orders as she reaches over to turn off the running car, pocketing the keys and putting her feet up on the dash. "It's expensive as hell to die these days, y'know? Even just getting cremated and put in a cardboard box is a few hundred dollars. Plus, when you die you shit yourself, so the car is definitely going to need detailed."

15. "You wanna say that again?" Lauren demands, pushing up out of her seat, her hands balled into fists and nostrils flaring.

tagged by @aztarion

tagging: @nat-seal-well @grapecaseschoices @crownleys @wayhavenots @sustainably-du-mortain and anyone else who wants to do this!

[fyonahmacnally]

Supercorptober2023

Day 2 & 3: Romance/Kara

The following two weeks pass by in a blur. Letting the team know about their trip went more smoothly than they anticipated. Once contingency plans are put into place and emergency protocols created, the two of them relax into the planning. Knowing Supergirl can still get back in true emergencies made things easier, but they certainly don’t want it to be the go-to. Both of them make sure their obligations are covered during their absence, Kara’s superhero and editor-in-chief duties are the easy part. Lena has to make sure her business interests are placed in reliable and trustworthy hands, a much harder task. 

With Lex’s presumed death and Lillain’s passing, all of the Luthor holdings fall back into Lena’s hands. She immediately makes some of the moves her previous self did back before the multiverse collapse. She renames the company to L-Corp, again, and fires all of Lex’s lackeys company-wide. After that, she brings Samantha Arias back on board as CFO. Then, she finds her old assistant, Jessica Huang. However, instead of making her executive assistant, she hires the feisty woman as L-Corp’s new COO. With the two of them in the C-suite, she is confident L-Corp and all its subsidiaries will be in good hands. 

With all the crucial things squared away, the two of them work on final checklists for what they need for a month in Ireland. Lena knows most of the everyday things are already stocked at the cottage and has spoken to the groundskeeper to make sure fresh groceries are waiting on them as well. They only need to focus on personal items, clothing, and toiletries. Given the remote location of the place, they likely won’t be needing anything fancy, but toss a few things in just in case.

As the days pass and their departure gets closer, they spend more and more time together. Things seem to be gradually morphing into what they used to be. Before the betrayal. Before the Phantom Zone. Before it all fell apart. The night before their departure, they’re laying on Lena’s bed joking and laughing like nothing has changed, like they’d always done this. It causes Lena to pause and her heart to race. 

Kara notices.

“Hey, are you okay?” Blue eyes scan across Lena’s face as she reaches out to place a hand on the long, slender pale fingers lying on the bed between them. “Your um, your heart is beating really fast.”

Lena cocks her head to the side and raises a perfectly sculpted brow in confusion, unintentionally changing the subject. “You can hear my heartbeat. Of course.” She chuckles, only just now realizing that her best friend has always been able to hear her traitorous heart. That she has likely known all along that her heart beats faster when Kara is near. “I guess I should get used to that since you’ve likely been doing it for years, huh?”

Kara ducks her head sheepishly, a rosy blush adorning her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Lena. I, um, I can try to stop? I don’t mean to. At least most of the time, but I…it just…” She sighs, running her hand down her face in frustration at her lack of coherence. “My brain does it automatically a lot of the time. It’s how I know you’re safe. Also, it’s, uh, one of the only things that helps me sleep. Especially now. It, um, it helps keep me calm. I’m really sorry. It’s kind of an invasion of your privacy now that I think about it.”

The blonde looks away, not sure what else she can say to make this any less awkward or creepy. She’s listened to that strong heartbeat for so long now, she’s not even sure she can stop. Not being able to hear it in the Phantom Zone was torture on top of the phantom visions and nightmares. 

A cold hand gently rests on her chin, pulling her gaze back to the conversation. 

“Well, I suppose technically, it is and I’m not sure how I feel about it. But…there’s a part of me that likes the idea that you find comfort in my heart beat.” She smiles and dips her head into her pillow, hoping it prevents Kara from seeing the blush creeping from her neck onto her cheeks. “Um, I guess I can relate? In a way, maybe? Your scent is kind of like that for me. While you were…gone, I slept on your couch and in your bed a few times. I just…I missed you so much. Your apartment was the only place that I could still smell you. The only place I could still feel you all around me. It was the only place I felt safe…because I felt close to you.”

Neither of them say a word, they both remain completely still and quiet for a long time after those words are spoken. An unwitting confession made. Blue and green eyes quietly watching the other until they fall asleep with their hands gently resting together between them. 

The morning sun rouses them from their slumber the following day. They both seem to open their eyes at the same time, smiling sleepily just as Lena’s alarm sounds into the room breaking the serenity. Kara groans and pulls the duvet over her head as Lena giggles at the Kryptonian’s antics. 

“Come on, Kara. You know we have to leave for the airport in an hour and if you want to stop and get breakfast on the way, we need to get up.” Lena pokes the woman in the side and pulls the covers away from her face. They both laugh as Kara lets out a whining groan. “I’ll buy you your favorite from Noonan’s.” She sing-songs the words and grins as she watches the blonde’s eyes light up.

Hopping out of bed, they get through their morning routines pretty quickly. It takes them about 45 minutes before they’re out the door and down to the waiting car, luggage in tow. Food secured and luggage loaded, they head to the private airstrip where Lena's personal jet is waiting for them. It’s been a while since she’s used this particular plane and she’s a little excited to show Kara. 

Lena exits the car and makes her way over to her pilot while Kara loads their bags. Once they’re buckled into their seats ready for take off, she reaches out for Kara’s hand. As much time as she spends on planes, takeoff never gets easier. When the plane is in the air and levels off, Lena squeezes Kara’s hand and unbuckles, gesturing for her to stand. She shows the blonde to the sleeping quarters and restrooms as well as where the snacks are. She smiles at the wonder on her best friend’s face and is briefly reminded of their trip to Kaznia before shaking the memory away.

The two of them fall into a comfortable silence for the next few hours, Lena reading through some new scientific research and Kara sifting through the contract Cat has been after her to look over. The two women are lost in their thoughts and prospective distractions until Kara’s stomach lets out a monstrous rumble. They both chuckle before Lena sits her reading aside and heads to the galley to heat the food she had placed on the plane earlier. Having only been in the air for five hours, she knows they still have eight more to go. She just hopes there are enough snacks on board to keep a Kryptonian stomach at bay. Loading the plates and drinks onto a rolling cart, she heads back to their seats to a grinning blonde.

She smiles as she watches Kara’s eyes sparkle and face brighten at the first bite of their late lunch. “This is actually really good, Lena. Lasagna?” She says, mouth still half full of food before she swallows and grins. “Where’d you get it? This is better than Eliza’s!”

“Well, that’s good to know.” She blushes and reaches out to take a drink of her wine. “I made it earlier this week and had it brought over so we could have something decent to eat on our flight. There’s a few other things in the fridge if you get hungry again later.” She gestures back toward the galley before focusing back on her plate. 

Kara’s eyes widen and she looks at Lena with such fondness and affection that the raven haired genius has to look away. “Y-you made this?!” She gaped at the woman sitting next to her. “Lena! I didn’t know you could cook. Why didn’t you tell me? You mean I could have been enjoying this for all these years! You’ve been holding out on me!” 

Lena can’t help but laugh and roll her eyes at the blonde. “If you think about it, Kara. There are a lot of things we never really talked about during our friendship. Maybe we can remedy that on this trip?” She swallows another drink of her wine and raises a brow at the now blushing blonde. 

“But yes, we’ve never really talked about my love of cooking, I guess. I don’t have a lot of time for it anymore. Or at least I didn’t. It’s something I taught myself when I finally had my own place in Metropolis. It was a way to be different from the Luthors.” Her eyes drift off as her mind thinks fondly of the days at her start-up, a bearded smile, and the man she once loved. She clears her throat and forces her mind back to the moment with a shrug. “I’ve always considered cooking as a kind of experiment, just with ingredients and not chemicals or prototypes. It seems to work in my favor.”

They finish up their meals and Lena takes the plates and glasses back to the galley. She takes a moment to clean and stow everything, giving herself a little break from being in such close proximity to Kara. Now that she is painfully aware of the fact that Kara can hear her heartbeat, she has to pay more attention to the way her body reacts to her best friend. 

Eventually, they both start to drift off to sleep. By the third time Kara’s head bounces off Lena’s shoulder, she decides they need to retire to the bedroom for the evening. It’s a good decision. Sleeping through the remainder of the flight makes the trip seem much faster. By the time they both wake from their nap, the pilot has come over the speaker and asked them to take their seats for landing. 

The rest of the trek to the cottage goes by in a blur. They arrive at the airport to an awaiting SUV and the cottage groundskeeper, a nice older gentleman named Liam Walsh. Liam helps pack them into the SUV and takes the wheel for the one hour drive to Islandmagee. He shows them some of the landmarks and recommends a few places they should visit during their stay. He also reminds Lena that he lives close-by and has the keys if she needs him to take care of anything during their stay.

As he pulls the SUV into the gravel drive in front of the cottage, he turns to Lena and smiles. “Here’s the keys to the vehicle, love.” He drops the keys into her palm and squeezes her wrist. “You look so much like her, ya know. Your mam.”

Lena’s mouth drops open. She wanted to ask Liam if he was related to her mother given his last name and the area he lives. “Y-you knew my mother?” She stutters almost too quiet to be heard. “A-are you kin to us?” She latches onto his large hand, desperate for any information she could get.

“Aye. Lizzie was my cousin. We grew up on this land. It’s been in our family for hundreds of years. You’ve got lots of kin ‘round here, love.” Liam smiled, patting Lena on the shoulder before opening the door to get their luggage out. “Why dontcha get settled in and rest. I’ll come by again in a few days and we can talk. No doubt you’ve got some questions.”

Kara reaches out for Lena’s arm, gently squeezing before whispering, “You okay?” She watches as a few tears roll down pale cheeks. The blonde bolts out of the backseat and pulls her best friend into a warm hug. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

Liam watches the two of them and smiles. He drops their bags on the small patio at the front door and steps aside. “Alright, love. My number’s on the notepad next to the phone in the den. Give me a ring in a couple days. I’ll come by and we can chat. Maybe have ya over for dinner to meet your cousins.” He winks at her and pats her shoulder again as he walks by, heading to his own car parked in the drive. “Glad to have ya here, Lena. I look forward to getting to know you.”

She is left speechless. When she spoke with Liam before their arrival, she was curious if he was related to her mother and by extension her, but she didn’t want to assume. Walsh is a common name. To know that she has blood relatives so close, people that actually knew her mother, it’s overwhelming in the best way possible. She’s looking forward to finding out more about this side of her family. However, right now, she wants to get inside the cottage and process the chaos of her emotions. 

“You ready to go inside?” Kara asks, cerulean eyes watching Lena with deep concern. “Today has been a lot. I’ll understand if you need some time to process things alone. I can make myself scarce if that’s what you need.” She wraps her arms around Lena’s shoulders, pulling her into her chest before stepping back and smiling to give her best friend a little space. 

Lena takes a deep breath as she wipes the tears away from her cheeks. “Yes, let’s go explore the cottage. I know it doesn’t look much like it did when my mother lived here, but I’ve only seen pictures and I’m curious.” She turns the key and pushes the door open. 

The place steals her breath. She can see that it has been remodeled and modernized. The door opens into a bright and open den with a fireplace. There is an island bar separating the living space from the kitchen. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, she can see a patio with a table and a beautiful view of the shoreline. The more they explore, the more breathtaking the place is. 

“What do you say we check out the patio before we finish exploring the rest of the cottage?” Kara asks, reaching for Lena’s hand to pull her toward the door. “We can get settled after we explore. Come on, it’s 7:00 am, Lena. We have all day!” They both laugh as Kara pulls her out the back door onto the patio.

It’s a sight she didn’t expect. Lush green grass surrounded by bushes and trees, a telescope sitting on the deck overlooking the bay, and a hot tub sitting in the corner surrounded by a privacy fence with a built-in bar. Just beyond the hot tub, a little closer to the shoreline, there is a quaint little gazebo with a couch that’s perfect for watching sunrises or sunsets. It’s so much more than she ever imagined. Of course, the amenities scream Luthor and that makes her roll her eyes, but she is grateful that they maintained the cottage feel of the place. It’s perfect and she can’t wait to see what else awaits her inside.

The two of them eventually make their way through the entire cottage. It’s smaller than Lena initially thought, but still has two bedrooms, a small library/office in the loft, an open concept kitchen and den, a full bathroom between the bedrooms, and a small water closet close to the den. Add that to the outdoor space and it’s more than enough for them to live comfortably for the next month. Or longer should they choose.

Once they get their luggage into their rooms and unpacked, they meet back in the den. Lena settles into the couch while Kara gets a fire going. She catches herself watching the blonde as she arranges the firewood into the fireplace. Her best friend’s sinewy forearms easily capture her attention, the way she seems to move so fluidly through the task. It reminds her of all the times she’s drifted into fantasies, Kara's arms, her hands, and her imagination conjuring up the abs hidden under those cardigans. There have been plenty of times that her brain’s focus has been Kara, Kara, Kara. 

“Lena! Where’d you go?” Kara says, waving her hands in front of her best friend’s face. She chuckles as she kneels in front of the CEO. “I called your name several times. I got us both a bottle of water. I figure we can chat for a while before it’s time for lunch and you can spend some time in the library after that, if you want. You seem a bit distracted. If you need to spend time alone, please just tell me. I don’t want to be in your way. I know you need to figure some things out.” She watches Lena with an apprehensive look on her face, waiting for an answer.

She can feel her cheeks burning as she realizes Kara caught her deep into her not so platonic thoughts about her. Obviously, Kara doesn’t know that, but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. Swallowing her shame, she forces herself to look into her favorite pair of blue eyes. “Sorry. I was just thinking about some things. You getting the fire going just caused some things to resurface in my mind. It’s been a long day, so much to process.” 

She shakes her head, not sure where to even begin sifting through all the things in her head. Then it dawns on her, a way for the two of them to ask and talk about things they haven’t in the past. “How about we play a game? We were just talking about how there are things we’ve never really talked about, right?”

Kara’s brow furrows, the adorable little crinkle forming. “Yeah, that did come up recently. You can ask me anything you want, Lena. We promised no more lies. Whatever you ask, I’ll answer.” She cocks her head to the side, trying to figure out what game could be related to this topic. “Is there a game that you have in mind? One that would help in this situation?”

Lena smiles at Kara’s adorable head tilt. It has always reminded her of a golden retriever puppy. “Have you not ever played 20 Questions? I can’t believe that. There’s no way with Alex as your sister that you’ve never heard of that game!” She feigns shock and presses her hand to her chest. “It’s pretty easy to play. Each of us asks a question and we both answer.”

“I have heard of the game, but now that you mention it, I haven’t ever played it. There are a couple games like that I’ve never played.” She smiles shyly and a light rosiness colors her cheeks. “Alex mentioned a game once called, um, ‘Never Have I Ever’, I think that’s what it’s called. I never played that one either. She said it was a drinking game and well, you know human alcohol doesn’t do anything for me.” She gestures up and down herself as Lena’s eyes track her movements.

“Well, we can play both, if you want. We don’t have to drink right now since it isn’t even noon yet in Ireland. Though technically, it’s after midnight for us.” Lena smirks, raising her left brow in the way she knows gets Kara’s attention. “It’s up to you, but for the record, I packed some Aldebaran rum for you. Alex got it for me. I wanted you to be able to relax and drink if you wanted to.”

Kara smiles, her eyes softening with pure affection for the woman next to her. “Let’s save the rum for later. We can still play either of the games, if you want. I think both of us are too tired. Plus, we’ve had a really long day so drinking might not be the best idea.” She reaches out to grab her bottle of water and drains it before looking back at Lena. “Would you rather play 20 Questions or ‘Never Have I Ever’ right now?”

“Hmm, let me think.” Lens taps her chin with a smirk painted on her lips. She’s not sure how she wants to play this. Either game will get her some information she has been curious about for a long time, but one is decidedly less platonic than the other. It really comes down to how brave she is feeling at the moment. It isn’t like there’s anyone else around to hear any of their answers anyway, right? That thought helps make her decision. “What if we play ‘Never Have I Ever’ first? If it’s too much for either of us, we can switch to 20 Questions?”

A big, wide smile spreads across Kara’s face and she squeals in excitement. “Yes! I’ve never played, but always wanted to based on Alex and her friends talking about it. I’m happy that my first time is with you. How do you decide who goes first?” She bounces in her seat, practically vibrating with anticipation. “How are we going to know who has done the things asked for ‘Never Have I Ever’ if we don’t have drinks?”

Lena chuckles. She can’t get over how excitable and adorable Kara is about this. “How about we get more water and use it as the drink for the game?” She watches as Kara walks away, the jeans she’s wearing hug her muscular thighs and ass like they were made specifically for her. Lena has to bite her cheek to prevent herself from letting out a groan of frustration at how unfairly attractive her best friend is. For what feels like the hundredth time today, she shakes the thoughts from her head and sighs. Her eyes slowly migrate back to an appropriate place, locking onto amused blue ones. “I’ll ask the first question to get the game started if that’s okay with you.”

Kara nods her head and hands the bottle over to Lena, turning to stir the fire again before she plops back down next to the CEO. “That’s fine with me. You’ve played this stuff before and I haven’t.” She grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and slides closer to throw it across both their laps. “Ready whenever you are!”

Leaning her head back onto the cushion behind her, Lena tries to think of an easy first question. She doesn’t want to ask anything too heavy or personal right away since she isn’t sure how Kara will react. “I’m trying to think of something that would have been asked if you played this game as a teenager or in college. Wait, did you go to parties in college?” She looks over at the reporter in curiosity. “We never really talked about our college years. Mine was…interesting.”

“Yes, I went to parties in college. A lot of them, in fact.” She grins as Lena’s raised eyebrow and shrugs. “What? People think I am way more innocent than I actually am. No one ever really asks me about things, they just make a lot of assumptions.” Her hand moves up to her glasses and she pulls them off, tossing them on the table. 

Inside, Lena’s mind is firing rapidly, her thoughts spiraling at what Kara has just said. She isn’t as innocent as people think she is? In what way? Lena’s poor brain is stumbling over itself trying to decipher that. “Okay, in that case, Miss not-so-innocent, never have I ever played spin-the-bottle.” She watches as Kara maintains eye contact with her, screws the cap off the bottle of water, and takes a drink. A dark manicured brow shoots up in surprise as she takes her own drink. “I guess there is a lot more to learn about you, Darling.” 

“Does that mean it’s my turn to ask a question?” Kara grins, shifting in her seat so she is facing Lena. A nod of the CEO’s head confirms and she taps her chin in thought. ���Never have I ever…gone skinny dipping.” Curious blue eyes land on mischievous green. 

Lena takes a drink and winks. Kara shakes her head and smiles. “What? I was a very rebellious teenager. Boarding school was very…educational in many ways.” She laughs at the blonde’s gaping mouth and lightly closes it with her fingers. “Better close that or you’ll catch flies. I take it you’ve never gone skinny dipping?”

Kara nods affirming her assumption. Her blushing cheeks betraying her attempt at composure.

“Is that because you’ve never had the opportunity or by your own choice?” She asks, hoping she isn't prying too much. “You don’t have to tell me, but I am curious and I definitely want to know more about you. My first time skinny dipping was with Andrea and a few other girls from boarding school. We snuck out of our rooms one weekend after midnight and went to the pool. It was a very enlightening experience for a 16 year old me.” She waggles her eyebrows and waits.

“Wow. You went skinny dipping when you were that young?” Kara asks, a little surprised, but also not really. “I think I was still too awkward and weird at that age to do anything remotely rebellious. I didn’t really feel comfortable in my body until I was in college too. So, I didn’t ever really have a chance to get naked in a pool with anyone.” She dips her head, suddenly a bit bashful about her inexperience.

Lena reaches out for her hand and squeezes it, silently asking Kara to look at her. “There’s no reason to be shy about it, Kara. We’ve lived different lives and experienced different things. It’s not like there is a map on how to navigate being a teenager.” She pats the blonde’s warm hand and pulls hers back onto her own lap. She’s not really sure what she wants to ask next, but she definitely wants to steer this towards romantic relationships and sexuality. How though? “Now, my next question. Hmmm. Never have I ever…had a crush on a friend.”

They both take a drink of their water. 

“Who was yours?” Kara asks, an unreadable look in her eyes. “I’ve had more than one, but James was one of those, as you know.” Her eyes dart down to her hands, picking the label off the bottle. 

“Well, my first crush was on a boy named Taylor before I got shipped off to an all girls boarding school.” She rolls her eyes at the thought of that kid. “The first real crush that turned into something? Probably either Veronica or Andrea.” A smirk spreads across her face and she watches Kara’s eyes widen and mouth once again drop open.

“Y-you…but I thought…women?” Kara stutters incoherently before running a hand down her face and tilting her head. Once she gathers her composure and reboots her brain, she asks her question. “So, you’ve been with women? Huh. I guess we’ve never really talked about our sexuality. How is that possible?” 

Lena laughs, a full-bellied bellowing laugh that bowls her over and causes her eyes to water. When she manages to collect herself, she looks up to an amused blonde with her head resting in her hand and elbow planted on the back of the couch. “Like I said earlier, there are a lot of things we’ve never talked about. Our romantic inclinations included. But to answer your question, yes, I have been with women. More so than men, actually. I’ve been in relationships with two men and three women, but have had…liaisons with a mix of both.” 

She shifts to face the blonde, resting her head in her own hand on the back of the couch. “I suppose if I had to label myself, I would say that I am bisexual with a preference for women, but I rarely date. With my last name, my wealth, and my job, I barely have time for sleep.” She scoffs. “Plus, I’d rather spend time with you when I have it. Anyway, what about you?” 

They smile at each other. Kara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, opening them to settle ocean blues on emerald green. “Romance and love are hard for me. Things on Krypton were different. We didn’t have dating or even sex for that matter.” She huffs in frustration, not sure how to explain all the nuances of Kryptonian relationships. “I can tell you about Kryptonian norms another time, but dating has always been hard for me. Friendship too, if I am being honest. I mean, I thought I had been in love before, but now, it’s very clear to me what I felt wasn’t real.”

Lena stares at the superhero waiting for her to finish her sentence. When it becomes clear that Kara is lost in her own thoughts, she places a hand on the blonde’s forearm. “You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to, Kara. We can talk about something else.” She gently rubs her thumb back and forth across the exposed tan skin under her palm.

Kara gives her a half-grin. “No, it’s fine. I just got stuck in my head for a minute. In answer to your question, Krypton didn’t really have sexuality and the gender of two people in a relationship didn’t matter. I think, in Earth terms, it would be called pansexuality? I’m not sure, but I think that is the closest thing to it. So, that’s how I have always approached my own.” 

She shrugs and looks down to where their skin is still connected, Lena’s thumb still moving across her skin. “I’ve never really dated any women, but I have been attracted to them. Even made out with a few in college. I guess because I’ve always been told to ‘blend in’ I never considered the fact that I could date women. At least not until Alex came out.”

Green eyes scan Kara’s face with affection and curiosity. “Would you be interested in dating women now? You’ve obviously dated men exclusively before. Is it something you want to explore? Romantically, I mean, in case that wasn’t clear.” She winks at the blonde as blue eyes roll at her. 

“Really? I think you made that clear, Lena.” She chuckles and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes flutter briefly as she tries to figure out how to answer the question. “I’m not really sure how to answer that question. In general the answer is yes, but I am also currently only interested in one person. Romantically.”

This captures Lena’s attention fully. There’s someone Kara is interested in and none of their friends have mentioned them? How is that possible? “Is this person someone I know? How come you haven’t mentioned them before? We’ve been together almost non-stop since we rescued you from the Phantom Zone.” 

She can feel her heart rate increase and her stomach tie itself in knots. It’s making her feel panicky and she’s doing her best to reign her emotions in because she knows Kara can hear her heartbeat. She takes a deep breath and again bites the inside of her cheek to calm herself. “Sorry, I just mean that I figured I would know about it since we’re usually always together. So who is this mystery person?” She tries to sound nonchalant and excited, but she’s not sure it landed.

“You definitely know them. Quite well, in fact.” Kara smiles, her eyes resting on the spot that Lena’s hand is now gripping her forearm instead of gently rubbing it. She’s incredibly nervous about what she wants to say. She’s been planning on telling Lena how she feels for a while, but doing it now could mean she is going back to National City early. Especially if things go badly, but Alex said Lena felt the same. 

One more deep breath, you can do this Kara.

“Remember how I said earlier that I thought I had been in love, but now I know what I felt before wasn’t real?” She watches as Lena nods her head. “Well, I thought I was in love with Mon-El and I guess I did love him, but I was never in love with him. I know that now. It was something I realized when I was in the Phantom Zone. It’s very clear to me that I am 100% madly  in love with this person and I’ve never felt anything else like it.”

Wide green eyes are fixed on Kara’s face, unsure what to say or do. Lena clears her throat, doing her best to keep her own emotions out of this conversation. “It sounds like you’re certain about how you feel. Have you told them yet? They’d be insane not to return your feelings, Kara. I hope you know that.” She does her best to stop her heart from plummeting into her stomach at the thought of someone else getting to love Kara the way that she does. 

Kare pulls her head out of her hand and flips her hand to take Lena’s into her palm. “It makes me really happy to hear you say that and I hope you mean it.” She brings her other hand up to push dark inky locks behind her ear, her palm and thumb coming to rest on a pale cheek. A smile spreads across her face as she watches green eyes flutter closed at her touch. “It’s you, Lena. I’m hopelessly, romantically, and completely in love with you.”

Lena’s eyes fly open, her heart does somersaults in her chest, and her stomach erupts into a million little butterflies. Without her permission, her eyes fill with tears and her mouth drops open. When she starts to feel Kara retreating from her space, she forces her brain to reboot and her mouth to work. “Y-you l-love me? Th-the person is m-me?” She blinks owlishly, unable to comprehend that Kara confessed her love. The woman she loves actually loves her back. “You want to be with me? Romantically? Not in a ‘that’s-what-friends-are-for’ kind of way, but dates and romance and all that comes with it?”

A pretty rouge blush colors tanned, lightly freckled cheeks. Sparkling blue eyes and a shy little smile shine back at Lena. She can’t believe this is happening. A dimpled smile stretches across her own face. 

Kara loves her back. She loves Kara and Kara loves her back.

Holy. Shit. Is this real?

Oh fuck. She hasn’t said it back! She needs to say it back!

She scrambles to get the words out of her mouth, her hand latching onto the one that is still resting on her cheek. “I love you too, Kara. I have for so long. I just…I can’t believe you love me back. I didn’t think you would ever feel the same.” She laughs, she can’t believe this is happening. “Is this real? I feel like I’m going to wake up any moment.”

Kara laughs. “If it’s a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up.” 

Their eyes meet and they both lean in. When their lips meet for the first time, it feels like the world stops for a moment. Time restarts. Separately, they each realize that the universe may have broken them in very different ways, but those edges allow them to fit together so perfectly now. As if they just needed the last missing puzzle piece to slot into place so their hearts can finally arrive home.

[katieqnmr]

Keeper? I hardly know her…

Apologies. I can’t help but echo the stupid joke that ping-ponged around the set of Keeper…Dumb enough to laugh at every time I heard it. (Wonder whether the folks working on Popper had the same issue…)

I think being a 1st AD on set was a very different viewpoint from any other I’ve had on any set. (Okay I techhhnicallly 1st AD’d Nat’s ‘about that one time’ documentary but I really had no clue what I was doing… I think I booked some kit…(?) (sorry guys) ….

So this was a BIG STEP UP. And a key difference…Ben actually asked me to 1st AD Keeper, I didn’t even think I would be a part of his film!

But Ben ended up explaining his vision for what a good 1st A.D. was…and I kind of felt like I could manage what he was describing. Also, lots of what he wanted was a good attitude, patience and clarity. Things I felt I could manage okay. But…. I could feel the ADHD demon stirring within me at the idea of… organisation(!!!) now… it’s not that I can’t be organised… but I know that I am easily distractable. I mean I actually struggle keeping these blog posts coherent a lot of the time, always wanting to start new thoughts in between old ones, which means I lack a … level of detail. Which I think is quite important as a 1st AD. However Ben assured me I would be fine. And I think generally I was!

^ We had meetings where I arranged the strip board for scheduling (which would inevitably change as days went by and we had to re-assess some things 😃😃)

I also was in charge of call sheets, which I’m afraid to say went out pretty late each night… but in my defense I got home at 11-12 each night..! But I should have had them all ready to go so I could send them out from my phone… lessons learned. The thing is, we changed so many timings each day that any pre-prepared call sheets would become rather irrelevant so I’m not sure what the fix is there.

Also the main difficulty of this shoot: we had for almost all days (pitch days) we had from 19:00-21:30(MAX) to shoot all our footage for the day, as the venue needed us OUT by 22:00, and we had to shoot at black for the shots to all match (and for Ben’s vision). This was a huge challenge for everyone, and Alex and I discussed at one point any alternatives- more shoot days possibly? But with good old British Summer Time approaching and the clocks going forward (yayy!!!) there was bad news… the darkness that we so needed would be another hour gone. Realistically I knew we could get everything shot in the days we had allocated, and we did. But I do feel bad that I had to really be on everyone as though they weren’t being fast enough, when it was actually just the parameters of the shoot.

What did I do right?

I think I was generally keeping to task. If I hadn’t been there, they would have overrun by miles… there were a few times Ben and Alex gave me this face when I told them the time…

I think it just goes so fast! Especially when it’s not your job to keep track of it. So it’s good that I was there, I made a material difference whooooo!! 🥳🥳

I think I also was pretty encouraging to everyone, and was able to call all decisions that needed to be. There was one time on day 3 where we had shifted some times around and basically Ben was hoping we would get way more shots on that day. I had been observing the last few days, felt pretty well acquainted with the patterns of shooting and thought ‘hang on, that’s never going to happen.’ But I didn’t crush Ben’s dreams and we talked about how it might work. I promised we could try his plan, because if it didn’t work out we could shoot what we hadn’t in the next 2 days, and there was plenty of time for them. As the day went on I was becoming increasingly stressed, and I had to pull Ben aside at dinner and tell him that we could not get those shots done. He at first was determined we could, but eventually I think he realised that it wasn’t possible. He very gracefully promised to trust my judgement in the future, and apologised which was really kind. I know it’s not easy at all to cut things from the schedule especially when you’re in a creative mindset. I know in Saint Catherine’s I was always asking for a a bit more time where I could.

Other good things:

I was able to reunite with Monica the 2nd AD!!!^

And a tonne of people on Saint Catherine’s were also on Keeper, so it felt very homely when I was missing the set of Saint Cats.

(Sorry this photo just makes me laugh)^^

Some things I could have done better:

I was pretty distracted (mainly Monica’s chats were pretty enthralling, and sometimes I forgot where I was(!!) but luckily we had so much prep time (arriving on set at 3pm). Constantly hounding them to be ready felt really patronising and uncessesary, so I would check in with them to see their ETA’s but there really wasn’t much I could do besides that. I would remind them of when would be good to start, but basically we were constantly chasing time when 7pm rolled around. It was quite frustrating, I think I wonder what it would be like to AD on a set with less of a shooting time constraint!

I also was not hugely confident, I think I don’t command an air of respect hahaa but the crew and supporting actors/cast were all very good at listening. I also wasn’t hugely keen on running the main meetings because it felt like all the words disappeared from my head as soon as people were looking at me. But I did manage them okay……..

Also the weather did not play nice on the 3rd day particularly (wow that day was hard) - it was raining hard and it was the sort of cold that stopped your fingers from moving. I wanted to make sure all cast and crew were safe and dry (especially those cast/SA’s who were wearing shorts!!) so this meant we lost a lot of time having to usher them in and out constantly for each different shot.

I think overall it was a really fun experience, and I’m really glad Ben trusted me. Everyone was so lovely to work with, and the film was looking (and sounding) beautiful! Even through freezing rain and darkness, everyone’s spirits were up.

Thank you Keeper,

From Katie xxx

[b-lizi]

WIP Not-Wednesday

I've been tagged by the beautiful @bougainvillea-and-saltwater to post the WIP of my incoming chapter (from my fic Blue Fire). I know it's been since November that I haven't been writing (story building guys, I need to take care of it to be coherent !) so it will be nice to show what I've been up to.

Also yeah, fat WIP incoming hehe

Chapter 2 : White Shadow

“Let me help you with that…”

As he painted his left eye black above a mirror square, Attül took his brush from Akatän's hands. Disconcerted, the young chief let his elder bend down to his face to seize him with one hand and turn him towards him with rare firmness.

"Attül...I thought you weren't coming with us."

“Ha! And let you have your throat cut once you set foot on their territory? Nonsense." He pressed the brush against Akatän's eyelid, frowning as if concentrating on tedious work. "It is my duty to protect you and even though I am absolutely opposed to your idea, we do not have the time necessary to think of another solution." His sooty thumb trailed Akatän's cheekbone. "I'm too scared for our families, so I'm praying to the First Goddess that we can come to an agreement with… hrmm" His teeth gritted in a groan, stretching the wrinkles around his lips more intensely. Everything in him screamed that he should have left with the remaining troops to attack the Kamertoph clan by surprise and terrify them once and for all by letting the blue fire ravage everything in its path. Make them pay, crush them far below snow and earth until they meet their dead.

But Akatän, young Akatän! Even if he saw his people dead the day after the last massacre, even if he fought some neighbours who tried to come and invade the Valley, he never participated in the war. He has not tasted the venom of revenge. Attül, the one who applied himself to blacken the eyes of his young leader, yes. He dreamed of getting rid of the cries of pain of his friends who died on the battlefield. He wants to clean the blood that coats his eyelids when night falls. He was tired of perpetually seeing everyone die as life went on for him.

“You know I stand my ground, young Akä.”

"I know uncle," Akatän replied flatly, taking the mirror square next to him and staring at his reflection. Attül stepped back, peering into his nephew's gaze, waiting for his approval. The makeup around his eyes shimmered identically to his eldest, who sneered.

“Oh, you look like my sister. You can clearly see her eyes here.” he said, pressing his crooked finger to Akatän's flat nose. He tapped him on the shoulder with mutual laughter.

“Well, it was my mother, may her soul rest in peace! But… something else worries you."

“I…your subjects disagree with your decision.”

“I know it too, but a bloodbath will not allow us to stay in peace. Are you trying to change my mind?”

"It's not about that" Attül stood up at the same time as his leader to straighten their hoods between them "Until then, I was going there to carry the messages and negotiate the hunting grounds or the lakes with surrounding clans. You even came with me. But this is the Kamertoph clan. It has already swallowed up other small peoples to grow and it will do the same with us if we do not show strength. I know you can talk to their leader, though…” He turned to look down at the balcony near the House door. Other warriors, like them dressed in white and made up in black, awaited them in an excited rumour. The dawn glowed in the mountains, bathing them in bloody light.

“If no agreement is possible, you will have to protect the clan as your father Djäka and your grandmother Hanïel always did, may their souls rest in peace.”

Nobody suspected that Akatän left his village while he accompanied his troop, Attül and Herëld in the lead. His men and women soldiers, villagers like old warriors, wore the winter clothes of hunters on days when snow covered the ground, a white coat that enveloped them completely and hid their faces under a large hood. The latter was marked with black, a charcoal paint that made the cobalt eyes of the clan as petrifying as stone, to inspire fear in the prey but also to make each hunter unrecognizable.

That way, and the long blue hair tucked neatly under his coat, Akatän blended in perfectly. Taken into their confidence, his companions were protecting their young leader in the direction of the forest to reach the other side without incident, if there were any wild beasts or traps hidden under the powder. At the top of the Valley, children could be seen jumping and shouting good luck, while the few parents in the troop sent back signs of love.

Once they had crossed the white ridge, the one that bordered the birth of the Valley, they descended with careful short strides down the slope that separated their land from the forest. Far in the horizon, mist blanketed the frozen lake in thick iridescent clouds, where the sun's rays bounced off to hurt Akatän's narrowed eyes. No noise. Only the wind in the mountains, the snow sagging under the hunters' boots, the jerky breath of the hunters and the damp air from their throats blowing skyward. Anxiety stuck in his entrails, so Akatän concentrated on the hasty conversations of his companions, the rehashing of the last few weeks, the preparations for the wedding, the desire to leave for the other side of the mountains instead of staying to live in the hollow of the Valley…

“And what do you expect to find in the yellow lands of Kamlatesh, Mälik? said Herëld, who had stepped back towards the centre of the group, mockingly. "They're as acidic as the bile in your stomach, and I'm not talking about the natives!"

- What do you know? the boy cursed. Chtä chtä! Maybe those lands are better than those in the Valley, maybe it doesn't snow as much. I am also sure that one could see the sea!

@metallic-scaled-scarf @mellowstarscape I know you like to write and I've read your incredible fics and WIPs, eating them like fine biscuits.

[jorality]

I need to play Poppy Playtime for myself cuz even with all the videos I've seen I'm still confused, BUT what if people who HAVE played the games are just as confused as me? So here are my spoiler filled thoughts.

Warning it's long but hopefully coherent.

First off, the thing that's been bothering me since chapter 2.

What the FUCK was Playtime Co.'s plan once Elliot died? Like it's been posited that Elliot wanted to immortalize a child he lost by putting their consciousness into a toy. Y'know, like a crazy person.

Like the idea was immortality, but did the toy company sell the meat toys to the public? Why were there so many of them? Who would want a toy that used to be a person?! Who signed off on that?

When it comes to PlayCo's overarching goal I just wanna understand what it was. They put people into the meat toys to save their lives, but did they sell the meat toys? Can someone just give me an answer? I need to know.

Then there's the frickin' civil war between Poppy and The Prototype. Several people have pointed out that CatNap, while terrifying, doesn't really do anything to you until his boss fight.

But, we also get told that he will stalk you throughout the chapter, and he does. Mans will be right behind you, or next to you in the shadows. It's a game of cat and mouse. Others have pointed out that Huggy also was more of a stalker who didn't bother you until the end, and Mommy was hands off too, but she was by far the most antagonistic of the three and I think that's because Huggy and CatNap were for sure followers of the Prototype while Mommy was her own faction who didn't care for Poppy or The Prototype.

I mean if we go by the idea that The Prototype just wants the PC to leave then why let Mommy ruin the PC's chances of getting on the train?Mommy was just chillin' in her area full of death traps.

Then there's the player character and how everyone knows they used to work there. The PC missed the Hour of Joy even though they were supposed to be at the factory. We don't know why they didn't come into work that day.

In the video 10 Things You Might Have Missed in Poppy Playtime Chapter 3 by Tericho on YouTube, Tericho points out that the CCTV footage the PC has been shown throughout the games has been tampered with. Meaning that the PC still hasn't been given the whole truth.

Which Tericho pointed out by showing footage of Kissy Missy being transported via the train only for there to be a sharp cut to PlayCo workers lying dead around her while she's perfectly still.

HOWEVER!

There is footage we the audience have been shown that Kissy Missy did in fact kill those people during the Hour of Joy.

So then, that brings back the age old question, should the Player Character trust Poppy?

Survey says No.

Kissy Missy and Poppy are allies, besties even.

Poppy makes it sound like the Hour of Joy was all the Prototype's doing. She says he's the one who put her in her case from Chapter 1. So then why would her bestie participate in the massacre? Why would Kissy have aligned herself with The Prototype even though her best friend was imprisoned by him?

At the end of Chapter 3 something happens to Kissy, presumably she gets attacked by the Prototype and what happens to big toys that the Prototype gets his umbrella skeleton hands on? ASSIMILATION!

But why?

Why are Poppy and the Prototype at odds? Is it simply because Poppy doesn't condone the Prototype's murderous habits? Every other toy was aligned with the Prototype. But what the hell does he want?

Poppy repeatedly says that she needs the PC's help to save lives. Whose lives? All the humans in the factory are dead, most of the meat toys are dead (especially the Bunzos) are we supposed to believe that The Prototype is going to be a threat to the outside world? Why? All the people who did him wrong are dead. I don't think The Prototype wants to bother the outside world, I think he wants PlayCo and everything about it to disappear.

But what does Poppy want? I've been turning it over in my head and while I can come up with a few motives for the Prototype such as revenge, solitude, maybe find a way to die. Poppy though? I mean if I were her I'd want to go home with the Player Character and leave the horror of PlayCo behind.

What is the beef between Poppy and The Prototype?

On one hand I want MOB to follow through on the prototype being the big bad he's been hyped up to be, but I also think there are a few ways this could go.

Okay hear me out. Here are some ways I think the saga could end.

(PC ending) The player character burns the factory to the ground after killing both The Prototype AND Poppy.

(The Prototype's ending) The PC finally comes face to face with The Prototype, and they recognize each other. "You didn't deserve this." the PC says looking up at what was once someone they cared for. The Prototype hands the PC a tape, it's a compilation of the truth, it's confessions from the scientists, it's Elliot Ludwig's last words. The public has to know, the factory has to be destroyed. "What about you?" the PC asks. The Prototype reaches out his um without the brella hand, the PC hands over Poppy, who is now motionless blood staining the back of her dress, her artificial spine severed. "We die with the building." The Prototype says Poppy is silently crying unable to speak. The PC leaves and we cut to the credits. It's a news broadcast detailing every crime committed, the death toll, the aftermath. There's a press conference and the PC is finally revealed to be Rich from that one tape in Chapter 3.

(Poppy's ending) The Prototype has been slain, but it feels wrong somehow. "You did it!" Poppy cheers as she walks over to The Prototype's convulsing body and she starts kicking it. "This is all your fault! I never wanted it to be this way! We could've done something good but you ruined it! All I wanted was a family! And you took that from me, TWICE! WAS IT WORTH IT? TELL ME!" Poppy's pathetic little kicks should seem comical, but she's screaming and crying. It's so uncomfortable. Soon the crying stops. Poppy takes deep breaths and turns to face the PC. "The threat is gone. Thank you for helping me stop him. Now there's just one more thing to do." The PC carries Poppy to a bank of computers and she types something and a secret elevator arrives, a small Cat-Bee toy sitting in the middle of it. "Is it over?" The little toy asks. "Yes Ollie, it's over." Poppy says. "Once I flip this switch the factory will self destruct." The PC picks up Ollie and gets in the elevator. Poppy flips the switch and the PC grabs her with the grabpack. They go home.

Those are just the ones that I came up with, I REALLY want to see what MOB comes up with. Because truly what is the end goal? What do Poppy and the Prototype want?????

And also, whom the fuck is Ollie? This lil guy came outta nowhere! (Well almost nowhere there's a chance we met them in the ARG in the form of a tape) but why? What is Ollie's purpose, other than to give MatPat heart palpitations?

[mbrainspaz]

ok I worked out another thing that's been stressing me out about this work situation. My main coworker has been gone and the boss refused to let me work overtime and then just... didn't really do anything to fill the gap, right? Today when I brought up my concerns about the stuff being neglected she was all "why didn't you just say so?" Ma'am?! Why didn't I simply explain to you, a person who skipped the meeting we were supposed to have to figure this out & who has no idea how to do my job, exactly how to do my entire job... via text message? On my time off??? aaaaah?! But I couldn't express that so in the moment I was just like, "well someone should probably feed these two horses at this time and start the sprinklers in these specific paddocks." She was like, "oh... that's all?" And I felt like an idiot for even bringing it up when she put it like that—but no actually that's not all. This is why I can't just do meetings and talk this stuff out! I can't process all the subtext and all the angles in the moment. I could tell I was deeply upset about how she'd handled the situation but I couldn't fully explain why. It was because not only did she tell me not to do the work that needed doing and repeatedly downplay my concerns, she still expected me to run the business by proxy—or she just didn't care if the work didn't get done. The closest I got to actually expressing my frustration was when I said, "you know I've been working half-days for the last three days—what did you think was going to happen? I'm never out there just doing nothing. Things haven't been getting done. I asked to be allowed to do it and you said no. You said you would do it, but you didn't know what needs to be done." And she said, "That's why I need you to tell me. It's all about communication." No! NO! That's why you should have let me do my damn job. Now she wants me to take tomorrow off and it's just gonna be the two kids and the temp guy working with the old guy who doesn't even technically work here?!? She keeps texting me trite things like 'I value you' but it's so transparent I can barely see it. If she understood a thing about me she wouldn't bother. I know she's annoyed with me. I'm annoyed with me.

She didn't give me a coherent schedule all week so I had to make up my own where I was working 4 half days in a row and she just.... nobody cared that nobody was here to run the business all afternoon for FOUR DAYS. If I hadn't gone in on my 'free' time to feed one of the old horses he'd probably be deceased by now. I mean the old guy stepped up and helped a lot but nobody else knows how to run the whole barn all day. Nobody else CARES.

So yeah it's my bad for not busting down her office door 7 days ago and giving her step by step instructions on how to run this business and manage a bunch of green employees I don't have the power to schedule. AAAAAAH! I hate that every time I meet with her I have to be so focused on being calm and professional and normal that she just steamrollers me with her reasonable demeanor and talk about all the things she's trying to do to make this place run right—if only she had more time and wasn't sooooo busy managing way too many other more important things. That's absolutely not my problem. I can't tell her how to do her job. And she couldn't tell me how to do mine if she tried. And I'm like, fine—pay me to just take care of it all! I'm good at caring. I could run this place if they'd just LET me. They keep leaving me to cope with endless problems they won't let me solve. I don't even want the responsibility. I don't really need more money from them. Apart from the existential dread slowly driving me towards a manic breakdown I've had a great time this week actually having free time to work on my art. I started editing a new video for the first time in 2 years! I'm just glad I didn't overwork myself for them just to get in trouble for it again. Well, except for the 3-4 extra hours I spent doing a little this or that here and there just to make sure nobody died. How could I ever explain that to someone who happily works in an office for a soulless, faceless, money-gobbling, lifeforce-devouring, bystander-crushing unstoppable gestalt entity that is a management corporation.

Ugh. I can't even stand listening to me rant about this. Actually they should just fire me. It'd be a relief. I'd go live in the desert and scream at the stars like gods intended.

[rollercoasterwords]

hi rae!! i was wondering if you could tell us more about your writing process :)) im very curious about it. like, do you brainstorm then write or write whatever flows or both. do you painstakingly line edit after or just give it a glance for any mistakes. im mostly curious about atydsp bc its so exceptionally well written and it absolutely boggles my mind that you were posting a ch a day. how much of your time for atydsp involved editing/scrapping & rewriting/etc? xx

hi sure i'd be happy to!! gonna put this under a cut tho bc it got long lol

for atydsp (+ my captive prince rewrite) my process was pretty different from my other writing in that i basically descended into a feverish haze of obsession and literally abandoned all other hobbies just to write bc i loved the story so much lol. for atydsp especially that thing was like...my only hobby for half a year like i was not reading or watching tv or movies or playing video games etc bc the only thing i wanted 2 do in my free time was. write.

when i'm rewriting a story from another character's pov i usually have the ch of whatever i'm rewriting open next to word doc and just kinda go 2 town. i think it's much easier when you aren't having to do the heavy lifting when it comes to plot and are following an outline, bc obviously you aren't having to do much story planning urself--although for the later chs of atydsp where i sort of broke off from the og version + the chs where r + s are separated + i had to write new scenes for s i did have to spend more time planning, writing, editing, etc, but i didn't start posting the story until i'd already written the first 20 chs so. i had a pretty large buffer and that combined with the obsession combined with the shorter chapters + outline to follow is why i was able to post so frequently.

when i'm writing a new fic there's much more brainstorming involved bc obviously i am having 2 come up w a whole new plot!! but bc i'm only writing fic for fun i don't really take it too seriously and usually i just cobble together a couple of fun scenes or tropes that i like and then sort of...fill in the blanks? like if i'm like "ok i want to write a scene where x happens and then later a scene where y happens" i usually end up figuring out a plot/how to keep the story moving between those two scenes, rather than vice versa (having like...a coherent plot and then coming up with fun scenes that fit into it). like my current wip started as just a single idea of "ooh what if there was a werewolf fighting ring" and then it become a voldemort-won au bc i was like hmmm in what situation would r + s meet at a werewolf fighting ring...and then i decided it would eventually turn into a horcrux hunt bc i was like "ok if r + s grew up in a voldemort-won au...what would james be doing...." and now the story is continuing to change as i continue to have ideas of like "ooh what if i incorporated this trope" or "ooh this would be such a fun scene to write." like lily + james's entire dynamic in this fic basically grew out of an idea that i had for a single argument that i wanted to write lmao

anyway when it comes to actual writing process i usually go into a ch with just a vague outline of a few bullet points, and if i'm stuck on something i send a voicenote to my sister just like...talking through my thoughts + what i want to happen + usually by the end of the voicenote i'll have figured out what direction i wanna take things. or sometimes i'll ask her opinion (the ending i'm planning rn for atwmd changed completely after one such consultation...had an idea but then talked myself out of it but then my twin was like wait....i think that idea works better than what ur currently planning....and i was like damn maybe ur right....). so most of my planning + brainstorming is basically just me daydreaming + then talking 2 myself lmao.

when it comes to actual writing i'm pretty slow because i'm too much of a perfectionist and i need everything to sound right. immediately. like i have heard the advice so many times "just get something down on the page then go back and edit it later" but i am like. incapable of following it lol i will write a sentence and then read over it three times to decide if i like it before i move on. the plus side to this is that my chs usually need very little editing; i generally just read over them once or twice and make a few minor tweaks and i'm good to go!

anyway. i have had some similar inquiries abt my writing process etc in the past so i'll tag this ask w 'writing tips' bc i think that's what i've used b4; hopefully this satisfied ur curiosity!

[hoodievixen]

With My Own Eyes - Part 3 - Waxing Crescent (2 of 2) (Dream of the Endless x OC)

Based off of this

Summary: Morpheus just wanted to keep his soulmate safe. She just wanted to make her own decisions. Doesn't help that he doesn't show her his face.

Words Count: ~2.5 K

Warnings: swearing, mentions of blood, witchcraft, bad grammar and even worse spelling.

A/N: I did it.

Tag List:  @intothesoul​ (sry I forgot on the last chapter)

Master List

_________________________

Sibyl woke up from the sun hitting her eyelids.  She just rolled over to cover her head with a pillow. She stayed in her awkward position of half falling off the bed as the fog of sleep was leaving her mind. Her first coherent thought of the day was of how she didn't remember going to bed. Her second was how she was not getting used to sleeping in jeans, and needed to figure that out come the next night. Her third jumped back to the first, figuring Morpheus had probably carried her to bed.

The last half of the prior day had been spent in her art studio. After getting over the awe, Sibyl was frantically going around swatching anything and everything she could. That had then turned to furious sketching, digging up ideas she had burred for the simple fact she didn't have the resources to do it. Morpheus had stayed with her for the most of it. Sibyl cringed into herself, remembering her terrible attempts at holding a conversation. Sibyl is prone to word vomit when focusing on something else. As well as rambling, but that's more of a constant than circumstantial. Not to mention the dream king wouldn't respond to something unless he saw in necessary, which lead to Sibyl just spew half coherent statements. "Can't you just shut up?" she questioned herself.

Needing to start her day she got up to change. Sibyl hadn't even taken a step before she heard something move beyond the door to the bedroom. It was a lot of shuffling and bumping into things. She did not know what she was going to find. With slow cautious steps she retrieved her knife from her jacket. She continued with the same precautions to the door out of the bedroom. Sibyl threw open the door, thrusting the knife in front of her.

"G'mornin' Sleeping Beauty," an unfamiliar character greeted her. Sibyl saw there was no threat and lowered the knife. There in the sitting room was once again Matthew, again in the same place. With him was the new person, if she could even call it a person. It was basically a living scarecrow with a jack-o-lantern for a head. He was in the process of hanging a large painting above the fire place.

"What is going on?" Sibyl asked in confusion. She knew she slept in late, so things would be happening, just didn't expect them to be in her room.

"Lord Morpheus told me to hang this up," the pumpkin grumbled. "Is it centered now?"

Matthew tilted his head to the side. "A bit more to the left."

Sibyl was just confused. Why would he do such a thing? Sibyl looked at the painting in a golden frame. It wasn't something profound, but she could find the beauty and meaning in it. The more she looked at it, the more it seemed familiar. The color tones, the brush patterns. "A Monet?" she questioned. While it was rather basic, Monet was indeed her favorite artist. She would put money down she shared that fact they day before, she just wasn't sure.

With his work being one she adored, Sibyl was familiar with almost all of them. However this one she had never seen before. It was of a forest path, a young couple walking together hand in hand, with long shadows cast from the twilight sun.

"You know your art M'lady," the pumpkin commented. "Doubt you've seen this one before. It's a Dreaming exclusive. He never got around to making it in the waking world."

Sibyl was in awe, taking in something no one has even seen awake.

With the picture hung, the pumpkin left. "See'ya around Mervyn," Matthew called after him. The raven changed his attention to the amazed human. "That was Mervyn he's sorta the handy man around her. A bit prickly, but he means well."

Sibyl's awe was quick to return to confusion. "Why would he give this to me?" she wondered. First the similar clothing, then the art studio, now this one of a kind masterpiece for her to have in her own chambers. She didn't feel like she deserved all of this, nor did he need to give her all of this.

"You think I know?" Matthew scoffed. "He's in my head not the other way around."

Sibyl turned her questioning onto the bird. She could see he was not joking. "That is mildly concerning," she confessed. "I'm gonna go... get ready..." Sibyl recognized the feeling of grease building up in her hair and wanted to bathe.

Returning to her bed room to head to the bathroom she paused. She had grown used to the smell of roses lingering in the air. It wasn't that the scent of flowers had disappeared, but had changed. In the vases in the room all the roses had been swapped out for larkspur. Bundles of white, blue, pink, and purple. Her favorite flowers. Again, her over sharing, and him doing unnecessary things for her. Though she could confess, she didn't feel too burdened by this one.

-----------

So many things are better taught through stories. One is more likely to remeber what happened in a series of events than a list of different necessaries. Sibyl knew this to be true with fabels, stories to teach moral reasoning to children. She learned it more so when deciphering her family's grimore. Fiction had made it so people believe that grimore are like a cook book, a collection of instructions and ingredients. But witch craft is more like cooking than baking, not so much reliant on exacts more so about what they make as a whole.

Witches of old knew stories would change as they were told orally, relying on the faulty of human knowledge alone. So they wrote down their stories, and so did the children, and their children's children, making a grimore. A collection of a family's stories of spells and what brought them to casting them.

When the full understanding of "every story ever written, and those that haven't been" settled in Sibyl's mind, she came to a realization. She could access all the grimoires ever written. Those lost to museums, or bloodlines died out, even the ones burned with the owner. All of them were head, and she could bring what has been forgotten into memory. The best thing of it all, they were in English. Oh the wonders of magical dream libraries.

Matthew had grown bored of her company as Sibyl lost focus in conversation instead for figuring out the spell's details in the stories. It didn't take long for the raven to fly off to find something more interesting. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, before a cool breeze stole her attention.

Sibyl looked away from her book to find Morpheus standing beside her. "Hello there," she greeted him, leaning back in the chair she was sitting in.

"You appear to be settling in well," Morpheus commented.

Sibyl shrugged. She wasn't much of a person to sit around all the time. She liked doing things. It keeps her mind and body busy.

"There is something I wish to give you," he informed her, reaching for the object in his pocket.

Sibyl let out a whine. "Another?" she complained.

Morpheus hesitated.

"I don't need anything," Sibyl continued, "I know you're just trying to be nice. But I don't want to receive gift after gift. It's one thing to get one occasionally, but not multiple in one day."

Morpheus lowered into the seat next to her. His previous partners enjoyed getting showered in thing. They'd never want for anything. Nor was it something he would struggle to provide. He could make them anything they desired. He could provide for them with ease.

"Have you even thought about how large the power imbalance is between us?" Sibyl wondered, "Your are the anthropomorphic personification of dreams, while I am a simple human. A healthy relationship is between two equals, where anything you do for me I should be able to do for you. With all the gifts I feel like I owe you something."

" You owe me nothing, "he assured her, "Your presence is all I'd ever ask for."

Sibyl let out a frustrated groan. "I didn't even want to be here," she reminded him, expressing her anger. "I'm not some item you can claim. You can't just appease me with things. I didn't ask for any of this." A few tears of frustration started to leak from her eyes.

Morpheus was frozen. He could understand he had done something wrong. He had believed she had gotten over his mistake with forcing her to come to the Dreaming without a choice of her own. After yesterday Dream had believe she had come to like it in the Dreaming, and possibly even him. But everything he was doing was just making her even more uncomfortable.

He wanted to reach out and wipe away her tears, but that wasn't a privilege he had earned yet. "I apologize," he started. "I must confess it has been a long time since I've courted anyone."

Sibyl let out a tired laugh. She reached up, wiping away her tears with the heel of her palm. "Well to start with, it's now called dating," she explained, "And it's more about getting to know eachother and earning trust than proving you can provide for the other person."

"Then would you do me the honor of allowing me to date you?" he asked.

Sibyl softly smiled and rolled her eyes. "I think I agreed to that a couple days ago."

----------

"Where do you want to go?" Morpheus asked Sibyl as the two walked out of the castle. He wanted to do what she wanted today.

Sibyl shrugged, "Like in general? Or what?"

"Anywhere that exists or dosen't," he clarified.

"Man that made it so much harder," Sibyl complained. Not that the options became too many, but more too few. Sibyl liked to love life. When she could, and something when she couldn't shed go to see the world. If she hasn't set foot in a country it's only because she had yet to think of a reason to do so. Then all the places in her head she puts down onto paper.

But there was one place she had come to miss. "Home," she mumbled, before laughing at the mistake she made. "Not like that," Sibyl sorta apologized. She hung it over his head for many days, she didn't need to any longer.

"I meant my childhood home," she clarified. "It's been so many years since I've seen the place."

That was no problem at all for Morpheus.

Much like you would suddenly be in a different place in a dream, they were no longer standing on the bridge leading to the Dream Palace.

Instead it was a back yard covered in shade. Sibyl gazes at the back of the house with an amused smile. Thought she was not sure, she knew the back of this house didn't look like this anymore. Scilla wasn't there to keep the flower beds neat. The steps were making weird noises back then, you must need to skip over some now. Then rain, snow, and sun would have faded that blue paint of the house. Yet here the house stood, frozen in time. Before the weight of being an adult sunk onto her. Before the worries of the world.

Instead of stepping closer to the house she turned and head for the woods that surrounded them. The woods she knew so well, after all she grew up in them. Even with a single step past the tree line felt so much different. It felt like home.

With an in viable weight of her shoulders Sibyl started walking through the forest. She knew exactly where she wanted to go. She felt Morpheus' precense behind her. Despite the silence, she said nothing. If he wanted to get closer to her, he'd need to start conversations himself.

There up in the old tree with wild branches was what she was headed to. When her brother was a tween he and his friends found a shipping pallet behind the nearby grocery store. They lugged it all the way back here into the woods, tied it to the tree with some old rope they found in someone's garage. Then later on when they got a new rug in the living room, they brought the hold one out here to cover the pallet. It wasn't much of a tree house, but she loved it like it was.

With the added height and strength from age getting up was far easier than she ever remembered. Sibyl settled down in her favorite spot, where the pallet met an upturned branch. She was now to tall for the peculiar angle to be a proper back rest any more.

"You're welcome to come up," she called down to Morpheus. Already, she had out a sketch book and digging for the right pencil in the bag she brought.

The dream lord basically appeared before her, lounging proudly on the aging carpet. Sibyl rolled her eyes, far too regal to climb a tree. "What significance dose this place hold?" he wondered, gazing at the woods below.

"Spent a lot of time out here as a kid," Sibyl shrugged, "There's a lot of memories here for me."

"Like what?" Morpheus wondered.

Sibyl smirked, looking to the ground at the bottom of the tree. "When I fell off of here and broke my leg, my brother needed to carry me to the house. Or playing huge games of hide and seeks with all of our friends. Needed to stay between the tree that looks like it's screaming, the fallen down maple, the yard line, and the creek. We'd hide thing for the others to find. Sometimes their own things. I found a Barbie I lost when I was eight during my last year of highschool. I could go on... These trees are like an old friend. They hold so many secrets."

Morpheus hummed, taking in the story fragments as she told them. "You have siblings?" he questioned. It obviously was not a rare possibility, but it was a means of conversation of which he could relate to.

"Yeah," Sibyl sighed, leaning back more. "We don't see eachother much anymore. We all moved somewhere. My brother moved to New York City, my sister went to Boston, and I came over to London. It rare all three of us are together even for holidays. We still talk, but phone calls and texts only means so much."

He noticed a detail that didn't quite ass up to everything she was saying. "You had said 'brothers' as in more than one," he pointed out, "Did something happen?"

Sibyl's face grew solemn and her hand stopped moving. She started to run her thumb over the corner of the sketchbook, listening to the pages hitting eachother. "He died," she said in a soft tone. "He was fifteen at the time, I was thirteen. It happened out in this forest.

After that we didn't come out here much, and surely didn't go as deep as we once had. Never further than this very tree."

A still silence fell between them. "I lost a sister once," Morpheus confessed, "It was eons ago. Yet you never forget an event like that. Losing someone so close to you."

Sibyl finally looked to him, trying to make eye contact with him. "No, you really don't," she agreed pain hurried in her voice.

"If you don't mind my wondering," Dream started, "How did he pass."

Sibyl stated quiet averting her gaze. She did not wish to tell.

[writesailingdreams]

What are your ideas on Amphibia’s idea of self-love and how it’s tackled?

I’m afraid I don’t have very in-depth thoughts (or more precisely I hadn’t thought about this idea until asked*). But from my few days brewing on it my answer is: I think it’s idea of self-love is something I would have been grateful for when I was Anne’s age and I think it’s tackled pretty well.

As an addendum, I felt only Anne really had an arc defined by discovering self-love. To me, Marcy’s arc was about coming to term with facing unpleasant things, and Sasha’s was recognizing how she wanted to be a better person/grow. I also don’t see any of the Plantars needing to learn self-love. Sprig might come closest but to me, his arc is more about finding a friend, someone who will actually like him/spend time with him, and it’s less him learning to love himself but finding the friend who will love the himself he already is pretty open about expressing/seems to like.

As to what I mean in more specifics (because of course), I’m having a hard time arranging it my head coherently. But essentially: I felt Anne’s arc to self-love was handled very gradually.

She’s starts out (Best Fronds) as very concerned with what her friends will think if she isn’t agreeable to what they say; she has to be likable, she has to be what others want her to be. But then she meets Sprig (and family) and live in Wartwood, where she has to make decisions on her own/withiut her usual friends. Wartwood is disturbed & distrustful but she earns their trust & respect (Toad Tax). Then later there’s Wally’s bit of “you can be whoever you want to be here” advice and her becoming less worried about whether she’s the “town weirdo” (Wally and Anne). Then there’s the whole Reunion bit with Sprig defending her and saying she’s a good person & brave & not going to be pushed around; she’s someone—as she has presented herself in Wartwood—of value and love (at least in the eyes of this pink frog boy. See this is why I get so emotional about these two?)

I’d say there’s less direct instances in S2a (at least nothing immediately jumps to mind), but by the time she’s there she has had some growth. I think this is most evident in her relationship with Marcy. By the end of her stay in Newtopia, she’s opened up to Sprig (and vice versus) (Hopping Mall). She’s learning to express how she feels and be okay with that. So by the time the show gets to Bessie and Microangelo (I love that ep), she’s happy with herself. (Oh, Tritonio helped, less in his ultimate goal reveal but in instilling in Anne an actually desire to work at something and see herself as worthy as be capable of working at something. Oh, and Stumpy’s statement that her parents would proud of what she did feels like it boosted some kind of ‘You’re ideas may be over the top but they come from a good place.”)

Like omg! To 13 yr old me those kinds subtle and but very clear & audial expressions of my value and worth would have been amazing. Maybe it’s okay to just be the weirdo you are. Maybe others *will* like you. Maybe someone will be your friend even if you share your weird and sentimental feelings. Aaaah! (Heck, I’m in my 30s and I’d still love this).

In that sense, to me, Anne’s self-love grew very much from the space where others (frogs) allowed her to be who she was and as she grew more expressive, she became more sure of herself and the more sure she became the more self-love was genuine. Anyway, I think it’s beautiful.

*this ask reminded me that I’ve been wanting to rewatch Amphibia; I have been reminded that I usually dig my teeth into fandom media when it’s complete, One Piece being the nearest thing to an exception and even then (1) it’s a lot easier to analyze Ace than other characters and (2) I usually narrowly focus or broadly react

[soupza]

this fic is for those 2 anons who begged for this

pairing: wendy x ronald mcdonald [ THIS IS SMUT !! DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO !!]

ronald mcdonald was stressed.

business was bad. all his competitors had more customers than him. no one even went to eat at mcdonald’s anymore. the worst part is, people seemed to be flocking to wendy’s.

ah, wendy’s. his worst rival. she was so arrogant, and frustrating, and pretty- pretty? where did that come from?

nevermind. ronald was gonna bounce back any day now. he ran a hand through his red hair and sighed. what was something he could do to get people to come back to him? who could resist the golden arches of mcdonalds? 

suddenly, an idea struck him. he would go and intimidate wendy into shutting down! it was the perfect plan. he would be able to bring back people to his place if wendy’s wasn’t there anymore! 

he put on his massive clown shoes and got inside his car. he honked twice, for good luck, and started heading to wendy’s.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“ronald! it’s been so long, how have you been?” wendy said in a sickly sweet voice as ronald walked through the door. he groaned internally. wendy, with her perfect two pigtails and glowy skin kept smiling at him.

“listen wendy, can we talk?” ronald said.

“we’re talking right now silly!” wendy giggled and tapped his nose. “but if you meant somewhere private, follow me!”

wendy walked through a door behind the counter and ronald followed. she led him down a corridor and opened the door at the end of it.

“this is my apartment! i guess it is kind of weird when you live at your restaurant, but it saves money!” 

ronald looked around. there was a couch with a table in the front, and a bed in the corner. 

“take a seat!” wendy pushed ronald on the couch and crouched in front of him. “so, what do you want?”

ronald’s heart started beating exceptionally fast. he had never been this close to wendy before. he could smell her perfume, which was like hot, crispy, just made fries. 

he turned his head to the side and muttered “i kinda sorta want you to shut down your stores so that i can get my business back up and running.”

but, wendy only heard the first part. she grabbed hold of his jaw and made him look at her. “you… want me?”

ronald could barely make a coherent sentence. “i mean, yes, but like, like i need you to-”

“what do you need me to do, ronnie?” wendy whispered leaning closer to him.

ronald’s brain stopped working at that moment. all he could think of was how good wendy would make him feel. all thoughts about intimidating wendy to shut down her business flew out of his head. he blurted out “i need you inside of me.”

wendy dragged up ronald by his shirt collar and dragged him to the bed.

“wow ronnie-boo, how long have you wanted this?” wendy asked as she pushed ronald onto the bed face-down and ripped off his shirt.

“i- a while wendy, just please make me feel good, use me any way you want, i’ll do anything just make me feel good wendy please…”

wendy let out a dark chuckle and pulled off his pants. “alright then. but you have to be good.” 

ronald could hear the click of a bottle opening and felt wendy crawl behind him. she hoisted his ass up and spread his cheeks apart. he shivered at the feeling of cold air drifting over him. 

wendy shoved a first finger in harshly and moved it around. “mm. ronnie, you’re so tight around me. can’t believe you didn’t ask for this sooner. but i know you ronald. i know you’ve always secretly wanted me. and now you have me. isn’t this fucking wonderful?”

ronald moaned as wendy worked two fingers inside of him. his white and red face paint got smeared with sweat, turning him into a warped version of himself. he gripped the bedsheets and ground his hips into the mattress, but then felt a sharp pain on his scalp.

“didn’t i ask you to be good ronnie-boo?” wendy said, cruelly, as she gripped his hair even tighter. 

ronald knew that he shouldn’t be enjoying this, that he shouldn’t enjoy being used like a toy, that he shouldn’t enjoy the way wendy stretches him out just right

. but he wanted, no he needed to be fucked like this.

“ah- um- yes-” ronald spit out. wendy shoved his head back down into the pillow, curling her fingers just right and hitting his prostate. ronald screamed, his voice becoming hoarse from all the sounds he was making.

wendy removed her fingers, and ronald whined at the loss of them, but suddenly became excited as he knew what would happen next.

he craned his neck towards the side of the bed, where wendy was attaching something to her front. 

it was long and shining with lube, and as wendy stepped closer to him he could see how amazingly thick it was. ronald was drooling already.

wendy roughly turned him over onto his back and shoved the strap-on in roughly. ronald moaned and gasped, writhing all over the place.

“aw, you’re such a pain slut, aren’t you ronnie? such a good pain slut for me.” wendy started thrusting in and out of him with superhuman speed. 

ronald was gasping for air, he could barely breathe. why, why did it feel so good?

wendy kept going until ronald started whimpering. he was so close, he needed to cum-

wendy suddenly pulled out and wrapped her hand around the base of his cock.

“pl-please let me come… please wend-wendy i’ve been so good please wendy please,”

she smiled and looked at him. “on one condition.”

“w-what?”

“say it.”

“say what?”

“you know what. say it.” she whispered.

“i’m- i- i’m-” he stammered out.

wendy gave a cruel flick to the tip of his cock, still keeping a hand around its base.

“i’m mclovin it!” he screamed, and wendy removed her hands from around him, leaving ronald to thrust his hips up as cum splattered on his chest and stomach.

wendy pulled away and got up off of the bed, wiping her hand with the tissues by the side and removing her strap-on.

ronald, in his post-orgasmic haze, could barely make coherent words. as wendy walked to the door, she turned back to the bed and whispered “fucking pathetic.” 

as she left, ronald felt himself coming back to his body. all he felt now were feelings of shame and regret, but a bit of hopefulness.

ronald really wanted wendy to use him like that again.