#Dash Berlin

[a--z--u--l]

[ruminate88]

Isolation and being defensive: 07/10/24

I can only speak from my own experiences! When you’re being emotionally abused, often you defend your abuser and push away people trying to help you ❤️‍🩹

I was talking to this guy named Andrew, who I believed I was falling in love with, but there was so much fog and confusion with him. His actions wasn’t matching his words, and I knew manipulation existed, but I didn’t really understand it nor did I know anything about emotional abuse. I’m complaining to my friend Bri a lot, that Andrew keeps disappearing on me and ignoring me, but then always coming back and acting like everything is great between us. (I know now that it was intermittent reinforcement) My friend Bri says she can message Andrew for me to see if he’ll respond… I told her “maybe” but not yet I wasn’t ready for her to do that!! Bri took it upon herself anyway, went behind my back and began to talk to Andrew to see what he would say to her and they talked for a WHOLE MONTH…. Why a whole month and not tell me??????? Bri said she didn’t know how to tell me but I find that hard to believe.

Bri sends me the screenshots of her conversations with Andrew, where is he saying to her, “he’s in the shower, does she want to come join him??” 😓😓😓 I just felt betrayed and soooooo sick by both of them!! I was so angry words could not express how I felt in that moment!! All this weight fell down on me and I immediately sent those screenshots to Andrew and told him to explain it to me right away and to tell me what’s going on!!! 😤 Andrew was very defensive and he’s acting like he’s confused. He says that he’s only been talking to me that he doesn’t understand what’s going on. He tried to say that he thought I made a new account and he’s been talking to me on this “new account” and at first, he actually made me question my own reality 😳😳😳😳 which I now know is “gaslighting” but back then I never heard of gaslighting. I was so confused and hurt.

Amidst all the confusion and frustration, I didn’t know who to trust at that point. I tell Andrew that he is talking to my friend Bri but he claims he has no idea who “Bri is” and he’s acting so confused BUT then asked me, was I trying to catfish him?? 😫😫 Seriously???? Bri keeps also defending herself, saying she did nothing wrong and that she was in the right. Bri tells me Andrew is lying not to believe him AT ALL…. Also another friend of my ours, Emily, was defending Bri as well, saying that “Bri had good intentions to help me”. I truly felt in that moment that EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME, WAS AGAINST ME 💔😭😭😭 I trusted no one, I was VERY CONFUSED and upset.

I spent 3 hours on the phone with Andrew trying to get to the bottom of things but he would NOT break up with me. He kept talking circles around me and defending Bri as well, said he doesn’t know her but that she probably meant well as my friend, Andrew claims I shouldn’t be upset at Bri…. which, I was VERY upset and of course, I didn’t know whose side to take and I wanted to believe Andrew becuase I loved him so much but I realized in those 3 hours, nothing changes with him. We were having the same conversation over and over and over with no answers or progress. Eventually it was too much for me and I told him I had to hang up on him, that I needed a break.... Andrew had me pacing around with so much anxiety!

Theeeeen he had the nerve and audacity to text me not long after I hung up on him and he asked me, “why I was making “breaking up” such a big deal and why couldn’t we have more time to think things over??” 😣🥺 ugggh reallllly????? NO!!!! I finally came to my wits end and called him back but of course it went to voicemail cuz he hates talking over the phone. Most likely cuz it’s harder to lie over the phone than it is in text…. So I left him a voicemail saying, “NO, he was being unfair and that I was NOT going to let him drag the breakup out any longer!!!” I yelled in such anger to him, “SINCE YOU CAN’T DO THE BREAKING UP FOR WHATEVER REASON, I AM DOING IT FOR YOU!! IT’S OVER!!!!”

At some point though, I need answers but can’t seem to ever get any truth out of Andrew. It appears he gaslit me so much, he also gaslit himself and doesn’t know his own feelings or reality because he kept changing his answers. One minute, he never loved me, next minute he loved me at the start but fell out of love over time and then eventually said “no, I loved you the whole time!” WHICH IS, ANDREW?? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!😣😢

Bri and Emily had me in a group email and both kept asking me why don’t I trust them and listen to them? They are the ones who care about me and why won’t I forgive bri?? Bri says “she did nothing wrong” and emily defended bri and said I needed to talk to them…. They’re “my true friends” and ugh I continued to push them away and told them I didn’t like the drama, not even knowing that most of the drama and chaos was from coming from Andrew himself, not from Bri or Emily although, I still don’t know why Bri had to talk to Andrew for a whole month before telling me about it!!! I told her she should have told me about it the minute it happened!!!!! 😑

I pushed those girls away and stayed in total isolation. I was hearing things around my house and seeing shadows. I was scared and clinging to my older brother as much as I could. I was afraid something scary was going to happen to me. I felt I was being watched and because of the confusion, I desperately needed “truth” and I would not stay away from Andrew!! that gave him more power to continue to hurt me. He continued to play games and flirt with me. We argued a lot and I had a suicide attack, which he helped bring on me when we’re in the heat of an argument and he also criticized me for it afterwards…. 💔 Yet, I continued to be confused and show him my deepest heart felt love and affection. I never once stopped caring about him despite the mistreatment and so my hands are clean!!!

My “friends” probably did mean well and did try to help me get away from Andrew but they went about it all wrong and they did not understand how much confusion and pain I was in!!! I wish they would have been more gentle with me and not so aggressive!!! I did not trust bri or forgive her 💔💔💔 I pushed her away feelings betrayed and bothered by her. Eventually a few years later, Bri passed away!! 😭💔💔💔💔 I didn’t believe it till I saw photos on Facebook of her tombstone. I NEVER got to make things right with her or forgive her. Now it’s too late ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

God I’m sorry!!! I didn’t know what was happening to me and I didn’t know what to believe or who to trust. Trying to forgive myself for all of this has been a long and painful process ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[songloveryt]

Alan Walker, Dash Berlin & Vikkstar - Better Off (Alone, Pt. III) [Lyrics]

[chiropteracupola]

so take the wheel and I will take the pedals

[sockenpuppe]

[tatort-sideblog]

Gegen Tote wird nicht ermittelt, das wissen Sie.

Karow & Rubin Meta

[modmamono]

"Despite Madrid Drive [From Mario Kart 8 Deluxe - Booster Course Pass/Tour] being another city track from Europe, is incredibly varied."

This is out of context from someone I don't wanna name. And it's partially more about track layout. But if *that's* your complaint I think you're reaching for something to complain about to sound smart. Or missing the forest for the trees.

The capitals of several European countries don't look similar to each other because they really don't.

Maybe in the sense that they can look rural and have houses in them.

But plop me (a European) in one of those cities and I immediately know where I am, maybe it'll take me a little longer if the local monuments aren't in sight, but I'll know soon enough by looks.

This isn't about me defending the tracks, I don't really care about that. It's more about the association game.

Tour City Tracks -> Are similar -> Most are European -> Therefore most European Cities are the same.

And I know this is not everybody. But I have seen some people treat Europe in this game as if they are the Koopalings and therefore lazy. (I don't think the Koopalings are lazy either. They all got different body types and personalities.)

Maybe I'm lucky because I am from one of these countries?

But even I know tracks like Sidney, Bangkok, Vancouver, etc. are as varied too. It's just they're all cut from the same cloth in terms of track design. THAT IS ALL.

[a--z--u--l]

«I’ll never cry again, when you come home, to me.»

[djqba]

(DJQBAOfficial)

[lyrics365]

To Be the One (original mix)

Oh life When are you truly there Do you think about the world How far this time to be yourself Must you go down a stream Floating on the top is better And you feel just what you are What you are talking about is pure What you’re talking about is pure What you’re talking about is pure And what you’re talking about is pure What you are talking about is pure What you’re talking about is…

[maryse127]

*nervously keeps reminding herself that statistically flying is one of if not the safest mode of transportation*

[k1ngdomfa11]

<3

[kittesencula]

[mimi-0007]

James Cleveland "Jesse" Owens was an American track and field athlete who won four gold medals at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. He was the first American to achieve this feat in a single Olympiad, specializing in the long jump and sprints. Owens' athletic career began in high school, where he set records and won events at national championships. In 1933, he tied the world record in the 100-yard dash and set a new record in the 220-yard dash.