#Dan Howell I hope you can fight

[tetrapaec]

I'm having flashbacks of when I met Dan and Phil last week like... I walked in, I was the first one to meet them for this tour.

Seeing Dan was like, "oh yeah, that's Dan". He asked if he could take my phone for a selfie, I just said "Oh no, sorry, I'd rather have full body shot so I can have a memory of the things I did 8 months pregnant." He laughed, said congrats and complimented my dress.

Then I turned my head and there was Phil.

Meeting Phil, I was starstruck like for real, I couldn't fucking believe I was looking at Phil, he looked like heaven and he asked if I wanted a hug, I acted on automode like "Sure!" and hugged him, didn't hug Dan. He took the letters I had in my hands "I assume these are for us." I gave my phone to the camera man, Dan told me I had to unlock it first (stupid me).

Daniel Howell was just a dude who I had a pleasant chat with. Phil... Phil Lester I was mesmerised. All I could focus on was the fact that Phil Lester looked otherworldly.

[august-anon]

[SUBMISSION]

Day One: Anticipation

Greetings from Pineapple (@just-your-average-author)! Hope you enjoy tt24 with some fluff

Ship: Dan and Phil

Words: ~800

Theme: Anticipation/tickling

Phil walked in the door, arms filled with groceries. He grunted, slamming the door behind him with his foot as he clumsily dropped the bags on the counter. He looked up, puzzled. Typically, Dan burst out of whatever room he was doom scrolling in and raided the bags for snacks. "Dan?" he questioned, his voice echoing into the abyss.

Silence rang through the air, and for a moment, Phil thought he was alone. He shrugged, guessing Dan went to the shops for something or maybe was in the garden. A crack of thunder boomed suddenly, startling Phil as he sucked in a breath. Oh, he thought. Even if he's not in the garden, he might just be out. He cautiously walked into the kitchen and went to address the counter full of groceries that had to be put away, but something was nagging him in the back of his mind. Something wasn't right.

A beat of silence.

He moved towards the bedroom. Surely he wasn't planning something, right?

Phil's heartbeat quickened, footsteps as light and soft as fallen snow, and he turned the corner. He began to look around and

"Hu-OOMPH"

Before Phil knew it, he was lying on his back on the plush white carpet (one of the only things in the house that was no longer moss green) and staring right up at a grinning, rosy face.

He huffed in annoyance. "Dan! What the hell are you doing?"

The face now straddling him, which made both of their cheeks turn light pink, batted his long eyelashes innocently.

"Oh, whatever do you mean?" Dan cooed. "I'm simply greeting you home!" he said, guiding Phil's arms to be pinned under his knees.

Phil's blush darkened. "Daniel Howell, don't even think about it!" he grunted, struggling to get unpinned. Damn, Dan really had been working out, huh? Phil cursed himself for not joining him.

Dan giggled shortly, flashing him a evil look. "I'm gonna do it."

Phil's wiggling and fighting became more earnest in seconds, huffing and puffing as he tried to get away. "Daaan-" he whined. "Dohon't!" Despite his nervousness a snort escaped his lips. They both knew how much they loved this game, he could only deny it for so long.

"I'm gonna do it~" the younger one sang, gently lifting up Phil's shirt. "Get readyy."

Phil tried to hide his smile but it just wasn't working. "Please!" he begged, putting on his best pouty face. What he was begging for, he wasn't quite sure.

As if waiting for it, Dan's face lit up in a giant shit-eating grin. "Why of course!"

Immediately, he dug his fingers into Phil's ribs, frantically massaging the bone, wiggling all 10 digits in between each one. Phil burst out into hysterical laughter almost instantly, thrashing and begging pleas that fell in dead ears. There were no protests to be heard, as Dan quickly switched to his stomach, squeezing and poking with vigor, enough to keep the laughing one guessing, and teased him as he did so.

"Aw, little Philly's so giggly!" he chuckled, revelling in the rosy cheeks he was creating. "So blushy as well! I'm not tickling you am I?" he asked, feigning disbelief.

Phil just laughed, and couldn't even retort and Dan worked him over with his hands. Finally, after what felt like a century, Dan stopped, brushing Phil har out of his eyes. "You good, bitch?" he asked, coming his eyebrow affectionatly.

"Fuck you," the older panted. Dan laughed. "Maybe later."

Phil rolled his eyes. "Okay you had your fun, now let me up so you can help me put away the groceries."

Dan tilted his head. "Since you've been through such a traumatic event, why don't I put them away for you?"

Phil huffed. "Okay." He watched Dan get up and make his way to the kitchen. He smirked. "But don't think that's getting you out of my revenge later.”

[couragetoexist]

Waste the Days Away (1.6k)

G, M/M, No Archive Warnings Apply, Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Established Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Tickle Fights, Phone Calls & Telephones, 2010 Era (Phandom)

A gift to @dansevilpianotea as a part of the Summer 2024 @phandomgiftexchange <3 I know these months can be challenging ones, so I hope this piece gives you a bit of hope if things are rough for you, and if not, enjoy some early Dan and Phil fluff regardless!

[ahappyphjl]

I was 13 years old, at the time I’ve watched Dan and Phil content for about a year or less, I know it was at some point after the hiatus, so I was really sad that I missed everything before. I remember I was in my bed drawing, I wasn’t really having a good week cuz coincidentally I came out to my mom then (not by choice cuz i wasn’t ready, it was because i had to), and well, it didn’t really go well. I heard my phone buzz and as a reflex I check it, and to my surprise, Daniel Howell had uploaded for the first time since I joined the phandom, better yet, I saw the title “Basically I’m Gay” and I dropped my phone on my bed and screamed. I was thinking “how could this happen? It’s my first time witnessing an upload from him and this is what it is!?” I had no words, but as soon as I stopped freaking out I opened the video and started watching.

Throughout the video I had many reactions, I laughed, I screamed, I related to a lot of the things he said and suddenly I felt like I could do anything, I was motivated to keep going and maybe things will be better for me as well, for the first time in a long time I had hope for my own future. After his last message I cried, I never really cry when I watch shows, or movies, or videos, or motivational messages, but before I knew it the tears were coming down my face (the same thing happened with WAD honestly).It was amazing that a single video changed everything for me and I’m glad it did, there was so many internal fights but I’m glad i wasn’t alone.

I’m 18 now and a lot has happened since then, Dan and Phil came back when I needed them the most again (how do they do it, I don’t know) and after the revival I’m happy I get to see Dan be himself and happy and not scared and I just start imagining myself being that way too some day, I still have hope, that hasn’t gone away. I have a lot to thank them for and I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us next!

(Sorry for the long answer, I saw the opportunity and I took it 😭)

no don’t be sorry, so glad you shared that and i’m so happy you found comfort and hope in what dan said while you were going through such a rough time :’) i’m sure some day you’ll get to a point where you can be your truest self too and i hope you have a blast whenever that happens!!

send me your stories from when dan uploaded basically i’m gay

[lucy-verse]

I’ve waited fourteen years but last night I finally had the opportunity to meet one of my favourite youtubers in the world. Not only is Dan a sweet, caring person in the flesh, he also put on an amazing show that left me in tears by the end. Genuinely one of the best nights of my life and I now feel inspired to keep fighting, despite how hard and terrifying life can be. Dan Howell, you’re an inspiration. I hope you know how much you mean to us 💜

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Shower Sex (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

‘cause i’m a fool for you (ao3) - kiwiihowell

Summary: Dan has the American dream: a nice house, a nice car, a well paying job, a beautiful wife. It’s the perfect life. Until it’s not. Everything changes when Dan and his wife hire a housekeeper, and Dan begins to question whether this is the life he really wants.

Clean-up (ao3) - NarryEm

Summary: Dan and Phil try their best to deal with the aftermath of the make-up challenge, which leads to a banter and then a tickle fight that ends in some sexy times.

cold showers bring may flowers (ao3) - PhancyPhandom

Summary: lil fic featuring a half naked phil writhing around because it's too damn hot outside.

give it to me baby (ao3) - CapriciousCrab

Summary: Phil loves it like this. A little rough and a lot dirty, he’s willing to do whatever Dan wants when he's in this kind of mood.

His Unspoken Word (ao3) - ineffabledaniel

Summary: Phil Lester is the leader of a small town gang. He's got a mean attitude and a thing for the pretty new boy. In the middle of a turf war is he willing to work for him?

Hot Water (ao3) - pluginlester (orphan_account)

Summary: For the third day in a row, Phil beats Dan to the shower in a heatwave, but this time they agree to make a compromise (and one thing leads to another)

How Much for that Omega in the Window? (ao3) - creativityatbest

Summary: Dan is an omega; he was born into suffrage, with an omega mother and beta sister too young for work. Dan’s family often found themselves with pennies and dollars to get by on. That, of course, is until Dan makes the decision to sell himself to an Alpha sex ring. Things won’t be too bad with his new owner Phil, right?

I can't get enough of you (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Phil wakes up feeling extremely sexually frustrated and no matter how much he gets off it isn't enough.

Luckily Dan was more than willing to be Phil's human sex toy.

If Lost, Return to Phil (ao3) - thatsmistertoyou

Summary: Dan and Phil are friends with benefits, which always works until it doesn’t. Dan wishes things could be different, and gets more than he bargains for.

if you wanna waste time baby, waste your time with me (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: just some soft, sweet, shower sex

I need a shower (ao3) - MarriedPhan1234

Summary: Dan goes to visit Phil a day early. Shower sex.

on the edge of forever (ao3) - internetakeover (nymhciv)

Summary: When Dan is reminded that his uni halls require him to completely move out over Christmas, there’s only one person he considers calling for help.

Swipe Right (ao3) - howellesterfics

Summary: Dan is tired of matching with sexually confused frat boys on Tinder. When he swipes right on Phil, he hopes that this time around things will be different, and well - they certainly are.

Thank You, Love You, Baby (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: Despite the long day, Dan and Phil are desperate to be together following their first two shows in Brighton, England. The couple celebrates with a load of Greek food and a sexy shower.

that liquid guilt (on my lips) (ao3) - snsk

Summary: day six: shower sex

("Why do you want to have shower sex?" Phil asked. "And why did you feel the need to write it on the mirror like some B-grade serial killer?")

The Habits of Our Hearts (ao3) - Emptylester (timelordangel)

Summary: Dan leaves his phone at the Youtube space and decides to give 24 hours without technology a try. Phil really likes being Dan's favourite distraction. Shameless fluff of our boys being happy and in love.

The Serotonin's Gone (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Being in love with Dan Howell is incredibly draining, and Phil's not sure he can keep up with it anymore.

Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining - succubusphan

Summary: Dan meets Phil at the lowest moment in his life and is immediately enchanted by him, but nobody is perfect - not even those with good intentions and a kind heart.

This is the story of two imperfect people trying to do their best, to find love and strive in life. They gravitate towards each other at every turn, sometimes dancing in harmony, other times colliding.

Typical (ao3) - Junebug1312

Summary: Dan and Phil hate each other. Everyone knows that. But what happens when Dan breaks both of his wrists and can't do certain things himself?

Also when has someone saying "prove it" ever actually worked as an invitation.

When an Asthma Attack Comes at the Wrong Time (ao3) - LittleLola1114

Summary: Dan and Phil are on their way to Vidcon in America when Dan forgets to take his asthma medication. After a day filled with running, screaming and performing a stage show, Dan feels a bit out of breath, but ultimately it’s a steaming shower with Phil that really triggers an attack. Can Phil work under pressure and help Dan.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Apocalypse/Dystopian (2) Masterlist

part one

A.D.D (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton T, 14k

Summary: "i blame it on my own supply"

The zombie apocalypse.

Everyone knew it was going to happen eventually they just didn't think it would happen so soon. When you get bitten, the venom from the zombie virus makes its way to your brain, this venom can do one of two things. It can turn you into a zombie, which is the most likely outcome, or it will simply alter you brain, causing you to develop some form of mental disorder.

When Luke gets bitten he gets lucky, he develops A.D.D otherwise known as attention deficit disorder. Could this help him survive or lead him to get bitten again and not be so lucky?

"so blame it on my a.d.d baby"

All Gone (No Escape) (ao3) - mtvluke luke/ashton, michael/luke T, 3k

Summary: And when the nights are bitterly cold all you can do is be thankful that you've survived one more day, hoping that you'll still be alive to see the colors of a sunrise bleed together just like a watercolor painting.

everywhere, everything (ao3) - bellawritess luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 2k

Summary: What would you do, he writes on a napkin, if the world was ending?

Who would you call?

hiraeth (ao3) - Oceanii OT4 T, 5k

Summary:  hiraeth - (n) a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never was —– or; a 5sos au apocalypse style. 

Last Night (ao3) - orphan_account michael/luke, calum/ashton M, 5k (WIP)

Summary: On July 16th, 2011, Life as everyone knew it, changed. Luke Hemmings birthday became an accursed day for him. Surviving as a 15 year old teenager wasn't easy, especially when you are trying not to be killed. Life has its upsides and downfalls, the apocalypse is definitely a downfall in Luke's book. At least there is no school.

More than Just a Cranberries Song (ao3) - sclara T, 665

Summary: Pretty much just a really short and pointless venture into the zombie apocalypse, 5SOS-style. (basically just me goofing off)

Out of Space -Phan (ao3) - bandhoez9194 dan/phil, chris/pj, josh/tyler, michael/calum, luke/ashton M, 27k

Summary: Its the year 3489 and earth finally had given out. Most people had managed to evacuate earth and go to Mars or the moon.

Some people weren't so lucky. They got left behind, thought dead.

Dan Howell was 20 years old when this happened. He lost his best friend, his whole world, Phil Lester that night.

7 years later, earth is healthy enough once more to sustain even a small population. They choose one large city to send the group, London.

Dan, Chris Kendall, PJ Liguori, Louise Pentland and Tyler Oakley are part of the group being sent back to Earth. Dan just wants to see if he can find one last picture of his other half considering they barely had time to grab a couple days worth of clothes and maybe some food.

When they get home, the small group has one hell of a surprise waiting for them.

the skies falling down (end of the world) @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 4k

Summary: Luke is severely hurt, and Ashton is desperate to find something to heal his best friend. He's on the brink of giving up when he meets Michael and Calum, who happen to be from a community that has medical supplies.

to live in love and die (ao3) - michaels luke/ashton T, 3k

Summary: the virus is taking over luke's body, ashton's trying his best to keep him calm as the poison spreads to every inch of him. he's not got much time left, fuck it, ashton's going to tell luke how he really feels.

We just need to hang on (ao3) - orphan_account Luke/Calum, Michael/Ashton NR, 18k

Summary: Its been a year since the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. The 5sos boys were on their world tour, and were in the US when it started. Now the boys rely on each other and take care of one another. Michael is the leader of the group and keeps a collected face. Ashton tries to keep everyone calm and eases the tensions. Calum is stealthy and smart. And Luke feels useless. The boys have to fight to stay together and relationships grow between the boys.

when i watch the world burn (ao3) - allsassnoclass (brightblackholes) calum/ashton, background michael/luke M, 4k

Summary: “What are you thinking about?” Calum murmurs, one hand gently wrapping around Ashton’s forearm.  Ashton finally blinks and turns to look at him, even though he can’t see anything in the dark.

“You.”

Wiped Out (ao3) - mtvluke OT4 NR, 1k

Summary: The first sign of the virus happened in early autumn where the leaves just began to fall and the air began to cool down after the hot summer Sydney had just experienced. Of course Luke had heard about it from his friends and all the rumors of how it was turning people, crazy, would be an appropriate word. But now seeing this on the news. It was becoming far too real for Luke to brush off the uneasy feeling rising in his throat at the mention of it.

[danielhowell]

black friday merch festive finale

Hello everyone. As my final merch release for the forseeable future I present a festive collection - combined with a sale and items supporting Young Minds.

For this black friday I had a big brain idea - every item with black on my merch store is on sale until Monday! Just use code ‘BLACKFRIDAY’ at the checkout.

And now I proudly present:

The Sequin Skull Sweater

A soft black sweater with an existential skull embroidered in reversible sequins - black on one side, silver on the other! The perfect garment for both a snazzy Christmas party and a long night of brooding.

Don't Talk To Me Scarf

A reversible knitted scarf with two sarcastic smiles and a message for social interaction to stay away.

Sarcastic Sock Set

A set of two pairs of sarcastic sport socks that will clearly communicate what kind of person you are.

And as a spiritual successor to the 'have the courage to exist' collection there are three items where 10% of the profit will go to Young Minds to help in the fight for young people's mental health!

Embrace The Void Blankets

Let the void embrace you with this soft black blanket. Comes in a regular and excitingly, a weighted version that feels like a warm hug - proven to help with anxiety, stress, sleeping and more!

Embrace The Void Bracelet

A Dark Silver bracelet with 'embrace the void' quote engraving - to remind you that life can be whatever you make it.

These things are all truly an extension of my soul, stylistically and spiritually, that I and a talented team have worked on for a long time and I hope you adore them as much as me. 

Check out the special merged festive store to peruse these wares:

🌍http://danandphilshop.com/collections/daniel-howell 🇺🇸http://us.danandphilshop.com/collections/daniel-howell 🇦🇺http://au.danandphilshop.com/collections/daniel-howell

Thank you, I hope you are well and I very much look forward to sharing the exciting things I’ve been working on as soon as I can. - Dan 

[dailydnp]

How to be resilient: This practical guide to dealing with setbacks is essential reading

Ensure you're making practical self-care steps to avoid becoming overwhelmed by the 'new normal'.

Life might be getting back to normal but many of us are still feeling the effect of the pandemic on our mental health. In fact, you might not even realise the full impact the past year has had on your mental health until you're back in 'the real world'. Indeed, recent ONS figures show cases of depression are on the rise despite lockdown lifting. From the period of 27th January to 7th March 2021, around 1 in 5 (21%) adults in the UK experienced some form of depression, an increase since November 2020 (when the figure stood at 19%) and more than double that observed before the Coronavirus pandemic (10%).

That's why it's so important to take heed of your own mental health and ensure you're making practical self-care steps to avoid becoming overwhelmed by the 'new normal'.

"Mental health is a huge part of all of our lives and for too many of us it’s a mystery, but if we understand our minds we can put ourselves in control so we can really live," says Daniel Howell, a mental health activist and author of You Will Get Through This Night.

Inspired by Dan’s own mental health journey shared with millions of his fans on stage and screen, along with his work as an ambassador for mental health charity Young Minds, his new book promises to be a practical guide to understanding and taking control of your mental health, written in an entertaining and personal way from someone who has been through it all.

Written in consultation with psychologist Dr. Heather Bolton and spilt over three sections; This Night, Tomorrow and The Day After, the book provides a refreshing, realistic approach to looking after your mental wellbeing the way we all experience it - whether you are in a crisis, just looking to make a change or want to know how to look after yourself every day.

One key aspect of his book is how to be resilient and deal with setbacks, which we are adamant will prove extremely useful for anyone struggling as we come out of lockdown....

"We all know that life can throw a curveball when we least expect it, so it’s important to know how to cope with these surprises, and not let them throw you off your positive momentum.

Life is a rollercoaster, or more like the graph shape of a llama rolling down a hill and climbing up again. We can’t predict the chaos. Despite our best efforts and intentions, it’s normal to have ups and downs. Remember that mental health is not a straight line, we can do what we can to raise the floor level, but it will always wave with the happenings of the world.

It doesn’t have to be a sudden shocking event, such as a… lightning strike! (sorry?) Life is naturally full of moments of change that we need to be able to handle. Breakups, moving, changing jobs – things that are very common can throw us off our track and we should all know how to keep ourselves on the rails.

Resilience

Training your resilience can help you to keep going in the face of adversity. It’s more than just bouncing back, it’s the act of moving forward as we grow from our experiences. Being resilient can look like:

Viewing challenges as opportunities

Focusing on the things you can control

Adapting your response to challenging situations

Maintaining a sense of purpose and drive

Asking for support when needed

Training your resilience can help you to keep going in the face of adversity.

Resilience is about being realistically optimistic. It’s not wishful thinking, it’s just being aware of what you can actually achieve and allowing yourself to be hopeful that you will succeed. Don’t be cynical about your own abilities, planting a seed of doubt that can self-sabotage. If you second guess yourself, it could be a self- fulfilling prophecy. Be realistic, but be fair to yourself and go into situations wanting to win!

It’s not something that’s fixed, it fluctuates through life and is something we can develop. It’s partly about our mindset, but also about how we respond in the face of stressful situations.

Most importantly, it’s not about pushing through the pain, telling yourself you’re being brave (don’t hide the pain, Harold), it’s about honestly accepting what you can handle and being practical.

Don’t overwork or exhaust yourself; it’s unrealistic to expect to cope with literally everything all the time!

Think about the attitude you have when you approach situations. Let’s imagine two different people being rejected after a particularly awkward first date:

They both have similar first thoughts: ‘Well that’s disappointing’ and ‘will I ever love again?’

But then how they make sense of that situation is different: – Akachi starts to accept that not everyone will love her, their date wasn’t right for her anyway, and decides to take control by getting back out there and finding another fish in the sea.

– Fernando doesn’t accept it, but gets stuck on the idea that they’ll always be rejected, they’ll never meet anyone and be lonely forever to live as a spectre haunting the local lighthouse.

Both people are in the same situation but approach it with very different attitudes, which affects how they respond. To build up your own resilience to setbacks, it’s important to understand ‘adaptive coping’ (see opposite).

Self-care service station

During stressful and challenging times, self-care is essential to maintain your overall resilience, so don’t forget the basics – eating, sleep and hygiene, and staying hydrated.

It may sound simple, but if you let these slip it can chip away at your hard work and your mindset.

Try to keep your positive routine and stay on top of necessary stuff – having routine and structure gives you a strong foundation for coping. Take time for yourself – literally remember to breathe, be mindful if you need a moment and take time to do things you enjoy to recover.

Protect your boundaries and don’t take on more than you can handle. Don’t agree to too much work, emotional responsibility, or cave in to demands you know you might not have energy for.

Reading the signals right

Psychological theory says we tend to see stressful situations in one of three broad ways: a challenge, a threat, or a loss.

Seeing it as a challenge → having hope, a fighting spirit and putting energy into finding a solution.

Seeing it as a threat → assuming the worst, feeling anxious and deflated.

Seeing it as a loss → acting like the damage has already been done, there’s nothing you can do, and feeling helpless.

Try to look for aspects of your situation that you can see as a challenge to overcome – this will help you adopt a positive approach and channel your energy into solving the problem, known as adaptive coping. Of course, this might not always be possible and you can’t keep fighting forever, but there will always be an opportunity for learning from the situation. Feeling threatened is absolutely normal, but try to notice whether you’re getting caught up with catastrophic thinking. Break the problem down and focus on what you can control, even if it’s a small piece of the 10,000 piece 1-colour jigsaw.

If you’re feeling helpless because of things you’ve lost, allow yourself to feel that – resilience involves connecting honestly with feelings, not shutting them off. It’s a healthy part of processing what’s going on for you. The key is balance.

Channel your energy into what you can change.

Evaluate any aspects bringing up anxiety.

Allow time to deal with your feelings.

Being flexible between these three approaches will help you deal with the fun of life’s many suddenly surprising challenges."

You Will Get Through This Night by Daniel Howell is available now in hardback, eBook and audio download (HQ)

[trupowieszcz-moved]

Get to know the blogger

tagged by @superiorthirst :)))

1: Why did you choose your url?

im aromantic and i kin alucard from hellsing

2: Any side blogs?

yeah a couple, @numeneragoth for rpg stuff, @xxx-rainb0w-rav3nz-xxx for scenecore/webcore stuff and one that i am NOT tagging here for reasons i hope you can guess yourself but you can ask for it in my dm's if ur 18+

3: How long have you been on Tumblr?

according to @memories,

4: Do you have a queue tag?

nope i have no idea how to use it and idek why i would do that. why would i trick people into thinking im online when im not

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

all i did on instagram was reposting tumblr posts so i was like "maybe i should get the real thing"

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i really liked @honeynabisco's fanart and i added a half rainbow-half aromantic border around it for pride month

7: Why did you choose your header?

because it's cool idk what to tell you

8: What’s your post with the most notes?

idk maybe the one where i drew grookey evolving into a grass-type donkey kong

9: How many mutuals do you have?

idk how to count it

10: How many followers do you have?

2382 on main

11: How many people do you follow?

2684

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

um. of course i have

13: How often do you use Tumblr each day?

i always have it on in the background

14: Did you ever had a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

i don't remember

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i usually just don't care

16: Do you like tag games?

yeah they're fine unless they're like "state your full name physical characteristics place of living and social security number"

17: Do you like ask games?

yeah they fuck but i never get enough asks although it's been getting better once i passed 2000 followers

18: Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

idk are any of you guys? i'm not sure

19: Do you have a crush on a mutual?

(i am also not sorry for using a dan howell reaction gif i am cringe and i own it)

20: Tagging (totally optional):

@xgoth @vanhelsingenthusiast @honeynabisco @crepuscol @hyde-your-heart @drowsynelapsi @azakimun-corner@metaphorical-vampire

[ao3feed-zukka]

fuck you

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3b145zS

by KermitSewageSigh

I am so sick of you people. With your shitty ships and fanart and gross pedophilia and incest art. Fuck you. Fuck you. I hope this ruins your day. Fuck you. And fuck this shitty website! You're all awful. Fuck you. Fuck you. There's hardly anything redeeming here. Faggot. Cripple. Ponce. Fruit. I'm sick of it. Get some morals.

Words: 3, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Supernatural, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, Video Blogging RPF, Supernatural RPF, Actor RPF, Hamilton - Miranda, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler, Homestuck, Hetalia: Axis Powers, South Park, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Hiveswap, Friday Night Funkin' (Video Game), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Voltron: Legendary Defender, Voltron: Legendary Defender RPF, Good Omens (TV), The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Vriska Serket, Albedo (Ben 10 Series)

Relationships: Thomas Sanders/Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Antisepticeye (Jacksepticeye Power Hour)/Darkiplier (Markiplier TV)/Ken Morrison, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Gamzee Makara/Tavros Nitram, Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Amy Rose/Sonic the Hedgehog, Aziraphale (Good Omens)/Crowley (Supernatural), Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF)/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne, Kai Green/Ben Tennyson, Kevin Levin/Gwen Tennyson, Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Seamus Johnson/Krel Tarron, Hisirdoux "Douxie" Casperan/Krel Tarron

Additional Tags: Homophobia, Vilgax's ship attacks the other ship, somewhere out near jupiter., Hull damage: 20 percent, weapons systems still operational. I have come to far to be denied. The omnitrix shall be mine, and there is not a being in the galaxy that dares stand in my way., Meanwhile, on Earth, Ben Tennyson - Freeform, is seen sitting in school, crafting a paper airplane, proceeding to throw it at the back of his teacher's head., (Gasps), Teacher looks back at Ben, poorly pretending to read his book, smooshing his face in between the pages., It started when an alien device did what it did, And stuck itself upon his wrist with secrets that it hid, Now he's got superpowers he's no ordinary kid, He's ben 10, So if you see him you might be in for a big surprise, He'll turn into an alien before your very eyes, He's slimy creepy fast and strong, He's every shape and size, Armed with powers he's on the case, Fighting off evil from earth or space, He'll never stop till he makes them pay, Cause he's the baddest kid to ever save the day, ben 10 - Freeform, Clock ticking as ben is waiting for the bell to ring, (looking at the clock) come on… come on…, And I just want to remind you all that I will be teaching summer school this year, and it's not too late to sign up!, yeah - Freeform, right - Freeform, (the bell rings), Yes! Outta here!, EVERYONE - Freeform, have a good vacation, and I hope to see you all again in the fall., Ben walks towards the classroom door., Benjamin - Freeform, could I have a word with you before you go?, (holds up ben's paper airplane), Ben huffs and walks over to the teachers desk., outside, Cash Murray and J.T backs a boy named jamie to a tree., Normally, we'd take your money and beat you up., But since it's the last day of school, we're going to give you a break. Now fork over the cash, so we can get out of here., Leave him alone!, Get Lost, shrimp., i said, back off!, Oh, looks like we got us a hero. Suppose we don't wanna back off?, What are ya gonna do about it, tennyson?, The three stare intently, then ben runs towards them triumphantly., Ben and Jamie hung up on a tree branch., (sarcastically) thanks a lot., I was just trying to help., Next time you wanna play hero, make sure you can back it up., (pulls up rust bucket) come on, Ben - Freeform, Let's Go!, We're burning daylight., I wanna make it to the campsite by nightfall., uh, grandpa? A little help here?, Ben gets on the rust bucket., (referring to the camping trip) I have so been looking forward to this!, (notices gwen sitting down at the table.), What are you doing here? (To his grandpa) what is she doing here?, take it easy, dweeb. This wasn't my idea., Grandpa - Freeform, please. Tell me you didn't?, I thought it would be fun if your cousin came along with us this summer. Is… that a problem?, Ben and gwen say nothing but look at one another., Rust bucket pulls away from stop, revealing the license plate., Ben and gwen bicker at eachother., (bickering with Gwen) Aw, I can’t believe it. I wait all school year to go on this trip, you know? (pulls out her schedule) Each activity is color-coded, so I never do the same thing two days in a row. Ben raises his eyebrows. Gwen Now, to Ben and Gwen's disgust Ben (looking at the bowl) Okay, now! (The ship getting chased primes a laser blast and fires, directly hitting Vilgax's control room, blasting him across. But immediately after the warship retaliates, blasting the ship to pieces. Out of those pieces, a small pod shoots down into Earth's atmosphere.) (Ben and Gwen sitting, but I’m busy doing a web search on cures for extreme 'doofus-ness'. Nothing yet, but let’s not give up hope. Max Aww, come on you two. We’re all in this together. You can mope around like this all summer, Gwen. (Ben storms off in a huff.) Max I, think they’re starting to grow on each other. (Ben walks on his own through the forest) Ben Aw, with Ben looking up at it) Ben Woah! A shooting star! (The "shooting star" instantly changes course, aiming straight for Ben.) Ben (Gasps.) (The meteor crashing right behind Ben as he's running away, causing smoke and debris in the air. As it clears, Ben looks on at it, Ben screaming as he falls in. As he gets to his feet again, he looks at the pod, stepping closer to the pod, latching itself to Ben.) Ben Ahh! Get off me! Get off, get off! (Ben struggling with the watch on his arm, falling over, and climbing out of the crater, before it breaks, and his eyebrows raise before pressing down the emblem. Finding himself in a void, uh huh. Here goes! (Slinging his wrist, Ben shoots a fireball out of his hand, blowing a branch off the tree entirely.) Heatblast That's what I'm talking about. (Between his hands, Ben creates a larger fireball.) Heatblast 'Liking it!... (Ben slings that fireball through, not one, but 3 trees, and tries stomping out a flame with his fiery feet, only for it to erupt into a larger one.) Heatblast Oh man, I am going to get so busted for this. (Max sitting by a campfire outside the Rust Bucket, as Gwen walks out, messing around with something he shouldn't. (Max pauses, causing him to turn around to look at her) Gwen (Screams) Heatblast Look... I know I look weird, but there's no reason to be scared- (Gwen clobbers Heatblast round the head with the extinguisher, knocking him down. When he tries to get to his feet, Gwen sprays his head, gestures to Gwen's shoe, freak! Gwen Ben? Is that you? What happened? Heatblast Well, when I was walking, this meteor fell from the sky and almost munched me, except that wasn’t a meteor or a satellite, but this cool watch thing that jumped up onto my wrist, and when I tried to get it off, I suddenly was on fire, only it didn’t hurt when I was accidentally starting this mega forest fire. Max (Running up) Gwen, are you alri- (cut off as he sees Heatblast) What in blazes? Gwen Hey, guess who? Heatblast (Waving.)It’s me, Grandpa. Max (After realizing that Heatblast is Ben) Ben? What happened to you? Heatblast Well, this meteor… Gwen (Cuts Heatblast off.) Um, excuse me? Major forest fire burning out of control, Ben? Heatblast Shooting flames? I can definitely do. (Ben runs a distance, this time it wasn’t my fault. (Eats marshmallow.) I swear. Max I believe you, I mean… look at him

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3b145zS

[dvp95]

meet me in the afterglow

pairing: dan howell/phil lester rating: explicit tags: getting back together, smut, hurt/comfort, light angst, happy ending, introspection word count: 1.5k summary: It had been Phil's decision, after all. Okay, technically, it had been a mutual decision, but it had been Phil who actually said the words. They're supposed to be past it by now.

written as a commission fill for ros ♥

read on ao3 or here!

They're sitting on opposite ends of the couch, idly scrolling on their own devices while Buffy acts as a comforting third party on the TV. Ever since he'd first gotten Dan to watch the show, Phil tends to just keep restarting it every time they hit Chosen again. Nothing else is quite as effective in breaking the quiet that could easily get into awkward territory as the familiar snappy dialogue and fight scenes.

Phil hasn't been paying enough attention to the episode they're on. He glances up and sees Tara in the doorway, hears her say, "Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard."

He stands up and mumbles something about going to the bathroom. Dan barely looks away from his laptop, but he asks if Phil wants him to pause the show. Even though they've both seen it so many times, Dan always offers. He's considerate that way.

"No, don't bother," says Phil. "I know how it ends."

Tara is asking if they can skip the hard part of making up and just be kissing again when Phil leaves the lounge. He wonders if Dan is invested enough in the plot to hear the speech, cognizant enough to make the connection to Phil abruptly leaving, or if he's too focused on whatever Reddit thread he's come across to give Tara and Willow any spare thought. Maybe the scene doesn't hit as close to home for Dan as it does for Phil.

It had been Phil's decision, after all. Okay, technically, it had been a mutual decision, but it had been Phil who actually said the words.

They're supposed to be past it by now.

Maybe things would have been easier if they weren't still best friends. They hadn't wanted to get their own places, didn't want to make a bigger deal of the breakup than absolutely necessary. That was a few years ago now - Phil acts like he can't remember the exact date, but he thinks Dan can probably see past his fake cheerfulness every time the anniversary passes - but sometimes it still hits Phil like a fresh wave of bitterness and remorse.

It's not like he's had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. He hadn't had anything that looked like a relationship before Dan tumbled into his life, and there were a lot of things that he thinks he could do better now, if he was given the chance.

They're different people now. Phil has a better handle on his anxiety and a better perspective on what he can do to keep his private life private; Dan has settled confidently into his own skin and gotten through so much of his baggage with his therapist that he's tried to use some of the techniques on Phil whenever he won't talk about his feelings.

"If I wanted to be in therapy," Phil had recently snapped, strung taut by plans of a second world tour coming together to create a terrifying, overambitious picture, "then I'd be in therapy, Dan."

Dan had only shrugged. He rarely seemed to feel any guilt for attempting 'healthy communication', as he always called it. "Just trying to help."

Sometimes Phil hates him for that, but it never lasts. Phil might be able to hold a grudge with the best of them, but that had never applied to Dan. They're too entwined in each other at this point, too purposefully connected in every facet of their lives, for Phil to allow the irritation to make any sort of home in his chest. It's always been easier to let the arguments happen and then let them go.

Phil waits until he can hear Dawn Summers shrieking with happiness over the witches getting back together before he goes back to the lounge. He wonders if anyone would be that happy if he and Dan were to - but that way lies madness. He can't think about that. It's too easy to cling to faint hope that never really went away.

--

Phil can't be sure if it was Buffy that did it or not, but he's inclined to believe that it is. It's too much of a coincidence that Dan would knock lightly on his bedroom door a couple days later and give him a tired sort of grin.

"Hey," he says, and Phil wonders if he forgot to unload the dishwasher last night or something.

"Hi," says Phil. He slides his finger between the pages of his book and closes the cover gently, keeping his place while he gives Dan his attention. "Everything okay?"

Dan shrugs, hands shoved deep in his sweatpant pockets. He looks like he's been awake for too long, like he forgot to sleep again, and Phil's surge of protectiveness feels instinctual. He hates when Dan doesn't sleep, whether it's on purpose or not. It feels like he should be up with him, at least, keeping him company while thoughts ricochet around Dan's brain like a pinball machine.

"Things are," Dan hesitates for a fraction of a second, "fine."

It's pretty obvious to Phil that things aren't fine. He puts the receipt he's been using as a bookmark into his book and sets it aside. "C'mere."

Dan's whole body seems to slump forward in relief, and Phil feels like he's made the right decision. He sits up against his headboard properly and fluffs up the pillow he never uses. It’s the only thing on the side of the bed where a lanky boy took up too much space for so many years. Dan fills it again, sitting next to Phil and curling in on himself a bit. He leans into Phil, his curly head finding somewhere comfortable to rest on Phil's shoulder.

Wrapping his arm around Dan would jostle him, so Phil settles for putting his hand on Dan's knee and squeezing. He doesn't know if this is just one of Dan's hard days, which seem to be getting more and more frequent as the tour looms, or if it's something else entirely.

The room is quiet for a little while. It doesn't get anywhere near the realm of awkward, even with the cuddling. Phil's hope - dormant, insistent - flares again.

"I've been thinking," says Dan.

"Dangerous activity," Phil can't help himself from joking. He wonders if Dan is rolling his eyes or smiling. Or both, he supposes. A lot of the time, it's both. "What have you been thinking about?"

"I've been thinking that I don't want to do this without you," Dan says, a bit rushed. Phil is opening his mouth to ask for clarification when Dan's patented rambling barrels through. "The tour, yeah, but also the - the telling my family about me, which I want to do, but I don't want to do it alone. I don't want to do any of this alone."

Phil risks the grumbling to wrap both arms around Dan, pulling Dan against his chest in a proper cuddle. "You aren't alone. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," Dan says. He looks up at Phil, brown eyes wide and full of meaning and close, and Phil momentarily forgets how to breathe. "I know you're gonna be there for whatever I need you to be there for. I just. I want to do it with you, not just... beside you."

There's a chance, however small, that Phil is misreading the situation. He thinks about that and about the choices he'd made that led to this and about Tara's speech, and he decides that he can't keep pushing his hope down like it's an excitable puppy. He lets it consume him, instead, lets the warmth spread through his whole body before he rests his forehead against Dan's in supplication.

Dan doesn't seem to be asking for penance. Dan is asking for something much simpler.

--

There are a lot of things that Phil loves in this world. Pancakes, Buffy, the way a dog's tail wags when he says hello to them, so many things he could list for days and not even be close to hitting the end. Even so, there's nothing quite like the needy noises that echo around the room when Phil takes Dan's cock deep into his throat, twists his fingers inside Dan, keeps eye contact with Dan to watch the way he falls apart. He watches Dan arch up, sweat beading on his forehead, and feels Dan's hand pushing and pulling in his hair. Dan falling apart - that's what Phil loves most in this world. He can't believe he went so long without it, no matter what his reasons were at the time.

--

"Like riding a bike," Dan laughs and collapses against Phil's chest. His mouth follows a path from Phil's collarbones to his jaw, ending at his well-abused lips.

Phil grins into the kiss. He wants Dan closer, impossibly. He's got his arms around Dan, Dan's legs bracketing his hips, he's still inside of Dan, but it doesn't feel like enough. They trade lazy, sweaty kisses until Dan eventually starts complaining about needing a shower.

He isn't ready to let go of Dan again, even for a handful of minutes, but that's not a problem - although it hasn't been taken advantage of yet, the shower in this flat is definitely big enough for the two of them.

[antiadvil]

What Phil Saw

summary: After their first night together, Phil knows he made a mistake sleeping with one of his students. Dan disagrees, but he's too busy having a crisis about his major to press the issue too much.

Or, the conversation Dan and Phil had after their first night together in Electrify my Heart, from Phil's point of view.

rating: PG13

wc: 2.8k

read on ao3 or under the cut

Phil woke up to a thud and an alarm ringing. He poked his head out of his sheets to see Dan, fallen on his floor, angrily tapping at his phone screen.

“Dan?” Phil asked, just as the alarm finally went silence.

“I have a class,” Dan said, pulling his clothes on, his jaw set.

Phil had no idea what time it was, but he was exhausted, so it must have been insanely early. “It’s so early,” he said.

“Yeah,” Dan snapped. “That’s how 8 am’s work, Phil.”

“Sorry,” Phil apologized, “Sorry.” He hesitated. “Can I get you anything?”

“How long does it take to walk to the main quad from here?” Dan asked, yanking his shirt over his head.

“Maybe half an hour? I can walk with you if-”

“Fuck,” Dan said, looking at his phone again. “I’m going to be late.”

“You can skip,” Phil said, before he could think about how he really shouldn’t be encouraging college freshmen to skip their classes. “I want to talk to you,” he pressed on.

“No, I can’t,” Dan said, not offering an explanation. He had his shoes on now, and walked towards the door.

“Okay, but Dan, we really need to-”

Dan closed the door.

“Talk,” Phil finished his sentence, sighing. He groaned, falling back on his bed. If Dan wasn’t going to talk to him, he might as well get some more sleep.

When his own alarm went off, he turned it off and went to sleep again. He finally woke up at almost noon. He had slept through his morning class, was half an hour from missing his afternoon class, and really needed to get his shit together.

What did functioning people do in the morning?

Breakfast or something, probably, but since it was so late, Phil thought he could get away with lunch instead. He could eat quickly, get dressed, make it to his class, and then make it to the lab he was supposed to TA this afternoon.

Where he would probably see Dan again. Great.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Dan again. There were few things he wanted more than to see Dan again, but so soon, so publicly, after the way Dan had run off this morning? No thank you.

Maybe Dan would skip. He certainly didn’t seem like he wanted to see Phil right now. Hopefully Dan would skip.

Phil made it to his afternoon class a few minutes late. He took a few notes, and tried to focus, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that morning. The previous night.

It had been good. It had been so good. Dan was cute and fun to talk to and the fact that he was apparently fun to have sex with too was a definite plus.

This professor was so boring. This class was so boring. Why was he even taking this class? His advisor had recommended it because psychology was important to his field of study, but he could not be less interested in the material.

Maybe it had just been too long since he last got laid. He was losing his mind over one hookup.

It was more than a hookup.

But that was all it could be. All it was supposed to be. And it could never happen again.

Phil hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in years. He hadn’t wanted a serious boyfriend in years. He was too busy. And for god’s sake, couldn’t he at least catch feelings for someone who wasn’t one of his undergraduate students?

God, he hated this class. Was he even in the right focus area if this was supposed to be important to him?

Too many crises at once. Phil buried the heels of his hands in his eyes.

***

Phil normally liked teaching lab. It was a more slow paced environment than office hours, and he got to spend longer with his students. Today, though… was not normal. Phil suddenly wished he had called off sick. They could’ve found someone to cover for him, surely.

They probably couldn’t have. His lab would just have gotten cancelled. And then these students would move on through the CS curriculum never having implemented selection sort. And it would be all Phil’s fault.

It wouldn’t be his fault, a small, indignant voice in the back of his head insisted, it would be the fault of the department who wouldn’t give them enough funding for enough TAs and the university who did god knows what with the mountains of tuition money handed over to them every semester and the crumbling state of higher education in this godforsaken country.

It didn’t matter. He was here, even if he didn’t want to be, and he was going to do his job, however unpleasant his job might be today.

“Alright,” he said loudly, clapping his hands. The room stilled, faces turning in his direction. “Today’s lab is on the course website, as usual. I’ll be around to take attendance and then I’ll be going around again and helping with any questions you might have.”

Phil pulled his CS 115 folder out of his backpack, pulling out the attendance sheet and papers he had pre-prepared for today’s lab. He couldn’t help but grimace at the list of names on the top of the stack of papers. Today was a week before the drop deadline, and he was supposed to finish doing check ins on students who were struggling. Dan was the only one he hadn’t already spoken to. It was a bit of an awkward subject to broach with someone you considered a friend. But... Phil really did need to talk to Dan. As soon as possible, and not just about his grade in the class.

He started taking attendance, stopping for a few extra seconds at Dan’s table. “Dan? Can I speak with you after class?”

Dan was resolutely avoiding eye contact, his cheeks rosy. “Fine.”

“You and your boyfriend fighting, Howell?” one of the boys at Dan’s table said.

Phil froze. He didn’t know. He couldn’t. He was just messing with Dan. Right? “That was inappropriate, Nathan,” he managed. He hoped he didn’t seem as upset by the remark as he really was.

Nathan rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer.

Phil quickly moved on, and spent the rest of the lab avoiding Dan’s table. There were plenty of other students who needed help, and whenever someone in Dan’s area looked like they were struggling, he sent a CA over instead.

Unfortunately, avoiding Dan could only last so long. Soon, the class was over, and Dan was trying to walk out the door.

Phil grimaced, steeling himself. “Dan?” he called, hoping he sounded normal.

Dan jerked to a stop, then slowly turned around. “Yes, sir?” His voice was mocking. Heat flooded into Phil’s face.

“I hope you didn’t forget about our meeting,” Phil managed.

“How could I forget?” Dan’s voice was beyond mocking now. It was cutting, even cruel.

Phil took a deep breath, trying not to get angry. He put on his best stern voice. “Dan. I’m trying to give you some leeway, given the situation, but that is not an appropriate way to speak to your TA.”

Dan didn’t reply. Phil took that as his cue to move on. “Alright,” he said. “Dan, you’re not doing very well in this class.”

Dan still didn’t say anything. Whatever, Phil decided, the less Dan talked, the faster he could get through his script. “I’m not encouraging you to drop the class, though that’s certainly an option. Hopefully this is a temporary issue we can work through. We have a lot of resources available to you; we want you to succeed.”

“That’s nice,” Dan said stonily. “Anything else?”

Phil toyed with the idea of saying yes, that was all, of letting Dan go, but he couldn’t. “Dan… can we talk?”

“About what?”

“I think you know what.”

Dan just stared at the floor.

Phil pushed on, wincing into the awkward silence. “You kind of ran off this morning. I just wanted to say- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m your TA. You’re my student.” Phil hesitated, but Dan didn’t seem to have anything to say, so he continued. “But you’re also my friend. And I just wanted to make sure that… you were okay with what happened.”

Dan stared at the ground, and Phil’s stomach started to sink.

“I would never want to hurt you, but you need to tell me if I did,” Phil said softly.

Dan finally looked up in the briefest of glances. “You didn’t,” he said quietly.

Phil allowed himself to relax a little bit. “That’s good. But I’m still sorry.”

“It was that bad, huh?” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Dan, no, I just meant- I really like you. But you’re my student, and I can’t do this right now. I don’t know, maybe later but right now I just can’t.”

“Great,” Dan said flatly.

Phil tried again. “I hope we can still be friends.”

“Friends.” Dan looked pained.

Phil’s stomach sunk a bit further. “It’s okay if you don’t want that. It’s okay if you never want to see me again. You can switch lab sections, you can-”

“No,” Dan interrupted. “No, I… You’re basically my only friend. I’m not losing you over something stupid like this.”

“Aww,” Phil said. He hoped Dan was exaggerating. He had to have at least one other friend, right? Or at least acquaintance, or roommate, or something? “That’s really sweet, Dan, but you need to make more friends.”

“I know,” Dan mumbled.

“But Dan, really. If we’re going to be friends, I need to make sure you know I’m sorry. It was my job not to cross any boundaries, not yours, and now I’ve made everything all weird.”

“Stop acting like this is all your fault,” Dan snapped. “Stop sitting there apologizing like you did something to me I didn’t want. I’m 19, I knew what I was doing, and if I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have fucking said I did.”

God, he had no idea what he was saying. Nineteen felt so distant to Phil, he realized with a stab of guilt. “I- Dan, I just mean-”

“Just stop.”

“Fine,” Phil said.

“Fine,” Dan repeated.

“I guess we’re done then. Unless you have anything else to say.” Please let this awful conversation just be over.

Dan glared. “No.”

Phil breathed a sigh of relief, reaching for his coat. “Well then, I guess I’ll see you next week, unless you decide to switch labs.”

“Wait,” Dan said.

Phil froze.

“I have a question.”

“About what?” Phil asked warily.

“Computer science.”

Phil turned back towards Dan. This was something he could handle, then. “What is it?”

“Do you like CS?” Dan asked, his eyes shining.

Phil sighed. So much for handling things.

He couldn’t pretend he hadn’t seen it coming. He had taught hundreds of intro to CS students, and Dan checked a lot of the boxes for students who would either drop CS 115 or drop out of the CS program later down the line.

There wasn’t anything wrong with that, he reminded himself. It wasn’t his fault or the students’ fault. Sometimes people just decide to do one thing and then decide that that thing isn’t for them and decide to do another thing instead. And that was fine.

He took a deep breath. “It’s, well, it’s a love-hate relationship. And when I hate it, I really hate it. But when I love it, it’s like the best thing in the world. And even when I don’t, I really do believe that CS has the power to change the world. And I want to be a part of that change.”

Dan nodded, still staring at the floor. Phil wished Dan would look at him instead, so that he could explain to Dan with his eyes what his words couldn’t. The way it felt when a complicated concept finally clicked into place. Finally passing that one test case you’d been stuck on for hours, or even days. Finding a bug, and then fixing it. Being able to help someone else, seeing another person’s eyes light up with understanding. But Dan didn’t look up.

“I know a lot of people go into CS for the wrong reasons,” he tried. “It sounds cool or the starting salaries are so high or they want the power to reshape the world in their image. And then they get here and it turns out computer science is hard, and frustrating, and time consuming, and sometimes, it’s just not for them. And that’s okay. It doesn’t make them any less valuable or any less intelligent.”

Phil waited again. No response. He switched tactics. “Are you thinking of changing majors?”

“I don’t know,” Dan said, his voice watery. “What would I even change it to?”

“You can figure that out,” Phil said, trying his best to be encouraging. “It’s okay if you do; CS isn’t for everyone.”

“It’s not,” Dan said, finally breaking down into tears. “It’s not.”

Phil had never wanted to hug someone so badly. “Dan, I’m really sorry.”

“For the last time, Phil, stop apologizing,” Dan exploded.

Phil bit back another apology. “Dan, I just want you to be happy. I hate seeing you like this.”

Dan laughed bitterly. He sounded almost strangled through his tears. “That must be really hard for you. Want to tell me more?”

It was like he was determined to misinterpret everything Phil said. “Dan… Computer Science is hard. Especially in your first class. Computer science is frustrating and confusing and hard, and no one’s code ever works on the first try, and if you’ve never had a breakdown over an assignment you either have incredible time management skills or you’ve only been doing CS for like a month or you’re a liar. And I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t suck, but you come out from it a better version of yourself each time. I’m the programmer I am today because of all the times I failed.”

He held his breath, waiting for Dan’s response. “Great. Thanks. That’s so helpful. It’s all going to be fine, because even though I’m fucking miserable, I’ll be a better person at the end of the day.”

Phil sighed. “If you’re really that miserable, you should drop,” he said.

His words echoed into the room. Dan stared down at his shoes.

“The drop deadline is in a week,” Phil said, trying to be encouraging. “You have some time to think about it.” But not a lot, he thought.

Dan nodded, wiping his face. Phil ached for a tissue.

“Can I help you with anything?” Phil asked.

Dan shook his head. “I don’t think so.” His voice sounded so small. “I don’t think we should talk anymore,” he added, and Phil’s heart stilled, and then sank, slowly.

But asking Dan to stay wouldn’t change anything. When Dan left for the second time that day, Phil didn’t follow. He just sat in a nearby chair and cried, until the next TA awkwardly shuffled in and asked him to leave.

He managed to hold it together on the walk back to his apartment, where he locked himself in his room and cried some more.

He spent the next two weeks in a haze. He didn’t miss any more of his classes, but he was barely present. He had been through enough heartbreaks by now that he had learned to struggle through school when his world was falling apart, but it never seemed to get any easier.

At least he didn’t have to see Dan. Dan had dropped the class, Phil knew from the sneak peek at the class roster he hadn’t been able to stop himself from taking. But even though he didn’t have to see Dan, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. His face as he ran out of the room. His determined glare, the tears still falling from his eyes. How Phil had ached to touch him, to hold him, to comfort him.

Maybe it was selfish. There was a Dan-sized hole inside of him. It would fill with time, he knew, but the wait was killing him.

It would be better, Phil realized one day in the middle of a lecture, if Dan had at least been consistent. He had opened the conversation by reassuring Phil that he wanted to stay friends, and ended by running out of the room in tears saying he never wanted to speak to Phil again. Not that Dan wasn’t allowed to change his mind, but it couldn’t hurt to double check, could it?

It had been long enough, he decided the next morning. If Dan never wanted to see him again, he’d just ignore the text and block him (if he wasn’t already blocked). If there was the slightest chance Dan did want to see him again, it would be worth it.

He took a deep breath and picked up his phone to text Dan.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Reality TV show Masterlist

A drop in the ocean (ao3) - ShippingFangirl26 (IceQueenJules26)

Summary: Dan had been ecstatic when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing wanted him in the next season, until he found out HE would be there.

A Perfect Pair (ao3) - husbants

Summary: Dan, a struggling actor who works retail by day, and Phil, an ex-YouTuber-turned-porn-star, end up matched together on the new reality show, Perfect Pair.

a white-hot pride for you to see (ao3) - keeplovinanyway

Summary: There's different sorts of prides: quiet and personal, loud and happy - and there's the angry one, that makes you want to fight those who are the reason your life is so hard sometimes.

On the airplane aisle across from Phil is a homophobe who doesn't like him watching Queer Eye. So what if he has a little fun with this?

Famous Last Words (ao3) - potatoesarenotforsex

Summary: Dan is on his way, early in the morning, hope in his heart and trepidation in every step. He never expected to bump into a friendly stranger at the train station, nor could he ever have predicted how that boy would change his life. Friends, rivals and strangers join together for a reality tv experience that no one could have predicted.

How I Met My Boyfriend on Queer Eye (warning: super gay) (ao3) - danhoweiis, twoheadlights (fizzfic)

Summary: au where dan is a hero on queer eye and accidentally falls in love with one phil lester

If These Walls Could Talk (i hope they wouldn't say anything) (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: Dan and Phil are both contestants on Love Island. There's an upcoming recoupling, but Dan doesn't know where Phil's head is at, and where they stand.

Phan - Survivor AU (ao3) - superbcandyangel (orphan_account)

Summary: Phil Lester is on Season X of Survivor, he meets Dan Howell.

Sidetracked (ao3) - phanimist

Summary: Dan and Phil are both contestants on 'The Bachelorette', but fall in love with each other instead of the girl.

Stirring in Love (ao3) - andthenshesaid-write (ladyknight1512)

Summary: When Phil applied to be a contestant on the Great British Bake Off he didn’t even expect to make the long-list, let along make it into the actual tent. But make it he does and there he meets Dan, a baker unlike Phil in every possible way. After a rocky start, Phil realises that maybe he can learn some things from Dan after all, and the biggest things have nothing to do with baking.

The Bachelor (deviantart) - unicyclingelephant

Summary: One Bachelor. 25 beautiful contestants. 1 chance at love.

The Island - yougetusedtonotknowing

Summary: Based on the TV show ‘The Island with Bear Grylls’ in which a group of ordinary people are challenged to survive on a deserted island for a month. Dan expects the rain, the hunger, the exhaustion, and the frustration. What he doesn’t expect, is friendship.

Total Drama YouTube (ao3) - ReallyPham

Summary: Inspired by the TV Show, Total Drama Island.

28 YouTubers have agreed to participate in the new TV Show, Total Drama YouTube where they'll have to do real life YouTube challenges and try to survive the cruel judgement of their fellow peers. They'll sacrifice it all just to win 1 Million Dollars on TOTAL DRAMA YOUTUBE!

You’re Poison (ao3)- DarkEyedDreamer

Summary:When Dan signed up for Big Brother he didn’t expect it to be that difficult. He always thought himself to be a level headed guy. But that was before he realized his arch enemy and former celebrity crush were both going to show up. Troye didn’t like bringing up the past. He always preferred to act like it didn’t exist. Things were a whole lot easier that way. But now he was going to be trapped with his past for the next three months, and all of a sudden pretending like nothing happened wasn’t going to work. With all the drama that young people seem to bring to the table, anything can happen. Adding in challenges and a chance to win $50,000? All bets are off. So who will be going home with the gold? And who will be causing the most drama along the way?

YouTuber Big Brother (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: Twelve hopefuls are locked in a house together for up to a month, all battling it out to come out victorious and take home £100,000. All they have to do is survive the tasks, the rations, each other, and the all-seeing eye of Big Brother and the viewing public.

[kneebleed]

saturn

Summary: You come back on every dream that I have, and I always fall for you again.

Word count: 2265

Note: this was supposed to be based on the song "son pololos" by 31 minutos but it ended up being more based on the song "saturno" by pablo alborán than something else. sorry.

PS: Please please please go to check out this post and donate if you can.

AO3

For the longest time of their lives, Dan and Phil have always been going to the same school. They were neighbours too. Going to the park so they could play something together was their favourite activity; they enjoyed all those hours that they spend running around their neighbourhood, or just laying on the grass to watch the clouds.

At some point, the clouds vanished, and the friendship that Dan and Phil formed over the years disappeared just like them; they saw the other non-stop for years until one day, one of them decided to stop the routine that they had build over time.

Dan started to feel weird when he was around Phil, and he didn't know what that meant. Dan was only 12 years old, and there was something inside him that wanted to kiss Phil and Dan just wanted it to stop, and the only viable way that he saw that he could do that, was distancing himself from him; the thing that Dan didn't know, was that Phil had the same feelings that him.

So that's how Dan and Phil went from best friends and neighbours for life, to only be neighbours and see the other on the hallways of their school.

Their parents and classmates couldn't understand it. They thought that the pair fought for one of their toys or something; "Surely they'll fix whatever problem they have soon," the oblivious have said, but oh how wrong they were. It has been five years since that fight that they thought that Dan and Phil had, and since then they haven't exchanged a word besides hello.

In all honesty, they miss the other. Dan regrets stop talking to Phil, and the last-mentioned regrets not asking for reasons why. They broke the other apart without realising, and they broke the other's hearts without meaning too.

Now, they have other friends, and funny enough Dan's friends are friends of Phil's friends, and they have been trying to make them talk again, but Dan and Phil realised of their attempts, and they rejected every invitation to hang out outside the school in fear of seeing the other.

"Have you talked to Phil yet?" asked Dan's mom one day.

"No, mom."

"Honey, it has been five years, why you don't try to fix things?"

"How? I don't think that I can fix this, not at all."

"Surely there's an exit for all of this drama."

"It's not a drama, mom. We didn't fight, I just- I just didn't want to talk with Phil anymore."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about that."

Dan put a final point into the conversation, and his mom didn't know how to write a subtitle to keep the conversation going. Karen felt like that was how Phil felt too; left alone outside of their house asking if Dan was home.

***

Five years ago, there was a knock on the Howell's residence; Dan was the first one to hear it since he was on the lounge, but he didn't go to open it, he didn't even move an inch; Karen was the one that went to attend the door after the third knock. Dan looked at her and said:

"Please, don't tell him that I'm here."

"What?"

"Is Phil, I know that's him. Don't tell him that I'm here, please."

"Daniel..."

"Please."

How could Karen tell Phil the opposite of what her son told her to say? Dan looked sad and desperate, so Karen didn't have any more options that lie to her son's best friend. And at this point in her life, she regrets not asking what happened or even try to intervene.

So Karen went to attend the door, looked at Phil directly at his eyes, and said that Dan wasn't home, that he was with his grandparents and that she didn't know when Dan would come back. Phil believed her, and he came back the next day and the day after that, and all the times that he knocked on the door, Karen always went to attend it and say that Dan wasn't at home.

After a few days, Phil stopped asking for Dan. Phil thought that Dan realised that he had feelings for him and didn't want to speak with him ever again, so Phil didn't try to go after him anymore.

***

Something that became part of Dan's routine after he decided that stay away from Phil could eradicate his feelings, was looking through the window of his bedroom; the window faced the front door of Phil's house and the window of Phil's bedroom. Dan did this to know if Phil was okay or if he kept trying to reach for him. Put a subtitle to their issue, or just write another chapter.

There was a day were Phil looked over at Dan's bedroom, and Dan looked back. There was sadness in their eyes. Dan put his right hand on the window like he was trying to reach for Phil, and Phil smiled like he wanted to do the same. That memory's something that's only for them, and they haven't talked about it yet.

They should have stopped not seeing the other since then, but Dan still felt things for Phil, just like the last-mentioned felt things for Dan. They see the other every day at school, so stop the tremble of their hands in the need to hold the other was impossible. That funny feeling was still on their belly bottom, and Dan wishes that he could swim into Phil's eyes for the rest of his life.

There's this thing that Phil does that Dan doesn't know about, and maybe it's better that way; but ever since Dan started to play the piano on the school's music room, Phil sat outside of the room so he could listen to Dan move his fingers on top of the keys.

"What are you doing?" said Benjamin, one of Phil's friends, the day that he found out about the thing that Phil was doing after school.

"Shh, he could hear you," answered Phil back.

"Is Daniel Howell?" Phil didn't answer this time, "Why are you hearing him?"

"I never said that it was him."

"But you didn't answer," and Phil didn't open his mouth again, "why?"

"This is the closest to him that I ever felt on five years," Phil looked at Benjamin with a sad smile and then put his head against the door again, "I just like to hear him play."

"But why do you stay outside?"

"Because I don't want him to stop for me, not again."

"What do you mean?" Benjamin sat beside Phil to give him company.

"You won't understand it."

"Try me," and Phil did.

Benjamin heard about how devastated Phil felt when Dan's mother told him that Dan wasn't at home for a week, even when Phil himself saw Dan on the park playing on the swing. Phil said to Benjamin that surely Dan knew about Phil's feelings, and Phil truly believes that that's why Dan doesn't talk with him anymore.

The thing here is that Benjamin thinks that Dan didn't stop talking with Phil because of that; Benjamin is aware of how Dan looks at Phil when the last-mentioned isn't looking. Dan looks at Phil like he has all the answers to every question that the world can hold. Benjamin can't tell that to Phil though; it isn't his place to speak about it, so he leaves the conversation there and just listen to Dan play.

A week after Benjamin and Phil's encounter, a boy starts to flirt with Dan.

At first, Dan didn't react because he wasn't interested, but then a thought came to his mind, and he decided to give it a go. If he starts to feel things for this guy, then his feelings for Phil could disappear, and that was the only thing that Dan wanted to happen.

So, Daniel Howell and Peter Tickner started to hang out more every day that passed, until one day they were holding hands, and Phil couldn't believe it. For his entire life, he thought that Dan Howell was straight, and now it turns out that he liked boys, and for some reason, Phil thought that this was the perfect opportunity to speak with Dan again.

Since they shared some classes, Phil decided to sit close to where Dan usually sits in hopes to establish a conversation. If Dan sits somewhere else, Phil won't try to talk to him like that; he doesn't want to do something that could tear them even more apart. Thankfully, Dan doesn't change his usual spot.

Phil studs-up trying to look cool, or maybe trying to flirt, Phil isn't sure about that; he gets more closer to Dan, and he tries to start a casual conversation after five years of not doing so.

"Goodmorning, Howell," Dan chuckled on response.

"Why so formal, Lester?" Dan looked up, and he regrets doing so; it took one look onto Phil's eyes and he's gone.

"We haven't talked that much; I don't feel like we could be informal like before," ouch.

"We don't, don't we?"

"I think that we should."

"I don't know, Phil, it's been a long time."

"We could try, though."

"Maybe," Dan smiled, and Phil smiled back.

"So..."

"So?"

"Boyfriend."

"Excuse me?"

"You, boyfriend."

"You mean Peter? Well, I wouldn't call him my boyfriend, to be exact."

"It's that so?"

"Yeah, I mean- he's nice but..." he isn't you.

"But?"

"I think he's not my type."

"Do you have a type?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just want to know, we never talked about it," I want to know if I'm your type.

"Weird," you're my type, Phil.

"Just like you, mister fire."

"Shut up."

When the class was about to start, Phil sat on the spot beside Dan, and they kept talking writing notes on a paper; their friends watched them on the distance, and they felt slightly proud to see them talk again after so many years being apart.

The next days, Dan and Phil started to build the relationship that Dan broke five years ago; the last-mentioned was so determined to get over Phil, he began to flirt with other guys once he finished his relationship with Peter, whatever that was. And Phil doesn't understand what has got into Dan's head.

Phil was right there trying to flirt with Dan, and the last-mentioned didn't even show any sign of realisation. Phil was trying his best, and Dan wasn't responding. What was even Dan's type? The only connection between all of these people was that they were boys, is Dan even gay? Phil doesn't know; maybe it was Phil's fault for not looking gay enough, probably if he puts enough effort into his style of clothes, Dan will realise that Phil was very homosexual.

The thing was that Dan knew the meaning of Phil's actions, but he didn't feel like Phil was flirting with him because something inside him was telling him that no way in hell Phil would try to flirt with him.

Their group of friends were getting desperate; they could see how Dan and Phil looked at the other, but they didn't know what they could do to help Dan and Phil realise that their feelings were reciprocated, but then, an idea came to Alex's mind.

Alex's idea consisted of making Dan and Phil hang out with each other on a date without them knowing, just like they tried to do to make them talk again, but with a more effective response from both parts, hopefully.

Dan's response was okay, the same as Phil's, and with both of their confirmations, the plan started to role.

All of them went to Benjamin's house because his parents were nice. They bought alcohol to try and make Dan and Phil talk more than usual, and what better opportunity to try out their theory that with never have I ever?

The game started easy, a few dumb questions of if they have peed the bed or not, and then Alice started to say the things that they needed to make Dan and Phil realise about what was going on.

"Never have I ever, have a crush on my best friend," at that, as what expected, Dan and Phil drank at the same time.

"What?" said Phil, looking directly at Dan.

"What what?"

"You drank."

"No shit, Sherlock."

Alex made the signal that they have planned to do, and their friends started to leave the room quietly without Dan and Phil noticing, so these two kept talking about the fact that they have drunk.

"Dan, you drank."

"Yeah, I know."

"Dan, are you listening to me?"

"Yes, I am, what do-- oh."

"Yeah."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" Phil got closer to Dan.

"Because I have a crush on you."

"And why would I be mad about that?"

"Because I ruined everything, I ruined it again, and I'm sorry."

"Dan..."

"Do you remember when we-- when I stopped talking with you?" Dan looked at the floor, and Phil didn't give a response, he just let Dan keep talking, "I did it because I was feeling things for you, and I didn't want to lose you if told you how I felt."

"You are an idiot."

"What?" Dan looked up.

"I drank too."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup."

"So am I your crush?"

"You are."

"Okay cool."

After that, Dan and Phil kissed, and they are sure that they heard one of their friends screaming with joy, but they won't talk about that.

[doomedhowell]

Life Finds A Way

Summary: Dan and Phil in the Jurassic Park world! With a genderswap twist. Daisy and Penelope are sent to Isla Nublar to check out the upcoming Jurassic World amusement park. Daisy wanted a nice trip, wanted to see some dinosaurs, and hang out with co-workers. Nothing more, and nothing less. Unfortunately, a dinosaur breaks out of containment and all hell breaks loose.

Triggers Warnings: dinosaurs, violence, injury, blood, swearing

Word Count: 3,162

Artist: @phanomeheart [will link later]

Beta: @et-in-cinerem-reverteris [thank you so much for being an amazing beta!]

[READ ON AO3]

A/N: I’m so excited to post my fic for the @phandomreversebang! I’m so happy with how it turned out and hope that everyone loves it. Yes, this is my third Jurassic Park crossover. I just really love Jurassic Park. This is also my first Gender Swap fic to match with the theme of how all dinosaurs are female. So, please let me know how I did for my first Gender Swap :]

“I should have never agreed to this. I should have just stayed home when I had the chance.”

Annoyed, Daisy rolls her eyes as Penelope complains for the millionth time. They’ve only been stuck alone together for thirty minutes, but with the amount of whining Penelope has done, to Daisy, it feels like they’ve been trapped in this jungle for an eternity.

“Penelope... If you complain one more time, I swear, it won’t be the dinosaurs you have to worry about!” Daisy warns, glaring at Penelope, who responds with a frown.

“Are you threatening me, Ms. Howell?”

Daisy sighs. “Seriously? You’re still calling me by my last name? We’ve known each other for ten years,”

“Well, considering you’re practically my arch nemesis in this job, yeah,” Penelope nods.

“Arch nemesis? I think you’re taking it a bit too far now,” Daisy scoffs in response, shaking her head.

“Ask anyone who knows us. They’ll tell you the same thing."

“Oh, whatever. Just be quiet. We’re trying to hide from dinosaurs. Specifically, a t-rex,” Daisy seethes. “Unless you want your head chewed off, then by all means, keep talking.”

“You’re in a mood today,” Penelope mutters.

“Well, you’re not the only one suddenly wishing they had stayed home!” Daisy cries.

Suddenly, the ground begins to rumble. Leaves shake and nearby animals scatter as the all-too-familiar sound of loud footsteps and roaring echoes throughout the forest. Adrenaline shoots through Daisy’s body. She looks over at Penelope, who stands frozen in shock, having the exact same realisation as she. 

“Fuck. Penelope, we have got to get out of here.”

Poking her head out from the bush they’ve been hiding behind, Daisy gasps when she sees a Tyrannosaurus Rex heading directly towards them.

“Now! Let’s go!”

“Go where?” Penelope shrieks with panic when Daisy grabs a hold of her wrist tightly.

“Look, Penelope, I don’t know! We’ll figure it out along the way!” the brunette exclaims, yanking the frightened woman in the opposite direction of the T-Rex. Frankly, she has absolutely no idea how they’re going to get away from this terrifying situation, but one thing she’s certain of is she’s not giving up without a fight. She’s too young to die, and she still has so many hopes and dreams she wants to conquer.

All Daisy wanted was a nice trip to Isla Nublar, with a group of co-workers, Penelope being included, and check out Jurassic World that was meant to be opening next year. They were here for an advisory trip. Nothing more, and nothing less. And yet somehow dinosaurs escaped from containment, and now Daisy is running for her life with someone she considers to be an enemy. 

She and Penelope Lester have never gotten along - always one-upping each other whenever they got the chance to, calling each other silly and childish names whenever they were near one another. And now, somehow, Daisy finds herself running for her life from a posse of escaped dinosaurs with no one else but Penelope fucking Lester; her number one competition, little miss goody two-shoes, the face of an absolute angel…wait a minute- what?

Daisy quickly shakes her head, pushing those thoughts away. Now isn’t the time for that.

“We’ve been trying to get back to the park for like thirty minutes!” Penelope whines.

“I know that, genius, but we have to keep trying, alright?” Daisy groans in response. “I mean, we can’t be the only ones out here in the middle of the jungle running for our bloody lives!”

“Well no, of course not. The other girls must be out here somewhere as well. Honestly, whoever thought that it was a good idea to have our group split up is an idiot.”

Daisy snorts. “I’m telling Louise you called her an idiot.”

“Howell!” Penelope shouts, glaring back at her enemy. As she does so, her eyes widen as they land on something much, much worse than Daisy Howell; a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Chasing after the two women. She screams, and starts running even faster.

Daisy is unable to stop herself from bursting into laughter at Penelope’s reaction. “What the hell, Lester? Did you forget we were being chased by a bloody dinosaur?”

“No, shut up! I just haven't looked at her yet!” Penelope cries.

“Keep running!”

After a few minutes of constant sprinting, Daisy and Penelope find themselves standing on the edge of a waterfall. The T-Rex is right behind them. They can both hear the rumbling of the ground.

“Now what the hell are we supposed to do here?” Penelope asks with panic, glancing back.

“Obviously we’re supposed to jump if we want to outrun the dinosaur,” Daisy replies, trying to catch her breath from all the exercise. She looks over and rolls her eyes when she sees Penelope’s eyes widen for the second time. “Oh, come on. Don’t give me that look. It’s the only way. The T-Rex isn’t going to jump into the water after us! I’m pretty sure they don’t even swim.”

“And, how exactly do you know that?” Penelope asks, frowning.

Daisy sighs with annoyance, and then harshly grabs Penelope’s arm, shoving her forward.

Penelope lets out a scream as she falls into the huge mass of water. Daisy looks back and squeaks when she sees the T-Rex quickly catching up with them. She doesn’t need another second to think before jumping in after Penelope, who’s already swimming out of the pool and back onto dry land.

Daisy pops back out of the water, gasping for air and looking around with panic before making her way over towards Penelope, gripping onto the grass as she hauls herself up from the mini-lake. “I’m never saying yes to one of Louise’s trips again,”

“At least not to Isla Nublar,” Penelope mutters, groaning and flopping onto her back.

“Hey, don’t get too comfortable,” Daisy says as she pushes herself onto the land, looking over at Penelope. “We’re not safe yet. There’s still other dinosaurs out there we have to be careful of.”

Penelope rolls her eyes in frustration. “I honestly hate you so much,”

The brunette doesn’t reply, only feeling a pang of sadness as she pushes herself back onto her feet.

Penelope looks at Daisy and gasps when she sees a bloody wound near her ankle. 

“Hey, your leg!” she quickly pushes herself up to crawl over to Daisy, who glances down and frowns when she sees that her leg is in fact injured, only she didn’t feel the pain until Penelope pointed it out. 

“Oh,” she mumbles, bending down to touch the gash. “I must have hit my leg on something jumping into the water. I’m sure it’ll be fine. There’s nothing we can do about it at the moment, can we?”

Penelope looks up at Daisy and frowns. “Will you be able to run with an injured leg?”

“I’ll be fine,” Daisy snaps, glaring at Penelope, startling the older woman with the harsh tone in her voice. “Besides, why do you care? I’m sure seeing me suffer will bring you joy,” she scoffs angrily before taking a step forward and wincing when pain shoots through her leg.

Penelope watches with concern as Daisy starts limping away, before jumping up and following her.

“You’re honestly the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met in my life,” Penelope grumbles.

“Anything else you wanna get off your chest while you’re at it?” comes Daisy’s angry reply.

“Erm, maybe now isn’t the time for this. We’re running away from bloody dinosaurs and are supposed to be figuring out how to get back to the island.” She pauses. “Do you think the group will leave without us?”

“They better not, or I’ll sue every single one of them once we get off the island.”

Penelope lets out a sigh. “Daisy, I just don’t understand why you like... totally hate my guts,” she says, catching her co-worker off guard. “I mean, I don’t remember doing anything super horrible to you.” They’ve never had a conversation about why their relationship is so tense, or how they actually became enemies in the first place. It's never something Daisy wanted to discuss with the older woman.

Daisy hesitates as she thinks about what she’s going to say. 

Is she really about to confess her love to someone who’s supposed to be her arch nemesis? She never planned for any of this to happen. She never planned on telling Penelope even after ten whole years of knowing this woman and secretly being in love with her, because they were supposed to hate each other, not fall in love.

“Look,” Daisy begins, stopping to glance over at Penelope and forgetting that they were currently running for their lives. “I never… I never actually hated you, okay?”

“Really?’ Penelope asks, raising her eyebrows. “Because it sure seemed like you did.”

“Well, because I thought that you hated me, and that… hurt me. I never hated you, not from the start. Actually, in fact, it started when we first met. I- I tried to be your friend, but you gave me the cold shoulder. I thought you hated me, and that hurt me, because I…” she mumbles, shaking her head in disbelief. “Fuck. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but-”

“Daisy? You’re starting to worry me...” Penelope frowns.

“Penelope, ugh, shut up, okay? I’m trying to tell you that I- I l- love you. Is that what you wanted to hear?” she cries, taking a deep breath. “I love you, and... I’ve practically been in love with you ever since the very first time we worked together on a project, but you obviously never felt the same way that I felt. You always had to be better than me at everything we did!”

Penelope’s eyes widen with shock at Daisy’s confession. “I-” She begins, stunned.

Daisy yelps when the two suddenly hear a distant roaring, alerting them that a dinosaur is nearby. “Fuck!”

“We have to go!” Penelope cries, grabbing Daisy’s hand and leading the way.

“Penelope, my leg!” Daisy is trying her best to keep up, but the pain is starting to become too much for her to handle, and they’re nowhere near close to being safe.

Penelope stops running and looks at Daisy. “Are you heavy?”

“Excuse me?” Daisy snaps, finding the question slightly offensive.

Penelope rolls her eyes. “That sounded rude. I’m sorry. I mean, do you think I’d be able to lift you?”

“Oh, uh… I don’t know. I don’t think I’m that heavy. I work out a lot?”

“Of course you do,” Penelope mumbles, shaking her head. “I have no other choice, so-”

Daisy yelps as she’s suddenly being lifted off her feet, and being carried in the arms of Penelope. She had no idea that her co-worker was so strong! If Penelope Lester can actually manage this without getting either of them killed, then Daisy will be incredibly impressed - not to mention grateful for saving her life.

“What can I say? You’re not the only one who works out,” Penelope replies with a grin, earning a laugh from Daisy. “As much as I’d like to continue this little conversation, there’s a dinosaur chasing us…”

Penelope somehow manages to carry Daisy as she finds her way out of the jungle, eventually coming across an abandoned old building with two broken down Jeeps inside of it. “Oh, yes! Perfect! This is exactly what we needed to get out of here!” Penelope exclaims when she spots the cars.

“Perfect? What are you going on about? They’re broken. They’re useless!”

Penelope rolls her eyes and leads Daisy over to one of the Jeeps, opening the door with a free hand and carefully helping Daisy to sit down in the passenger seat.

“Good. Okay, sit there while I work on getting this thing up and running again,” she orders while walking around to the front of the car, ignoring the annoyed look Daisy is giving her.

“Honestly, do you even know how to get one of these started? This thing is probably ancient.”

“I fixed cars with one of my old friends as a summer job. So, yes, I should be able to get it started. If not, then I’m afraid I’ve failed my friend, and that simply cannot happen,” Penelope replies with sass as she pops open the hood of the car, looking around at what she has to work with. “Okay. We’ve got minimal time left here. Please let this work so we can get the hell out of here.”

Just like that, Penelope actually manages to get the vehicle running again after about fifteen minutes of cursing and frustration, surprising Daisy once again with her hidden skill. But Penelope certainly wasn’t going to give up when they were so close to the island, and Daisy still needed help with her injury.

Daisy glances back and peaks through the window of the jeep as Penelope celebrates fixing the car. Suddenly, she notices the shape of a T-Rex on the edge of the jungle, and lets out a gasp.

“Penelope! We’ve got a problem!”

“Wha-?” She looks up and gasps when her eyes land on the T-Rex. “Shit!”

“Come on! We’ve got to go!” Daisy yells, flailing her arms in panic.

Penelope slams the hood of the car shut and runs over to the driver's seat, jumping into the car and fumbling around with the wheel, trying to get the car started as fast as possible. “We’re almost there. Fuck! I’m not gonna lose this for us,” she says, feeling confident for the first time since being stranded and being chased in the jungle by a bloody dinosaur. After starting the car she looks over at Daisy to make sure that she’s alright, but frowns when she sees how the other woman is staring at her. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Penelope questions curiously.

“No reason. You just... look really hot right now,” Daisy admits, smirking slightly.

Penelope blushes instantly, never thinking Daisy Howell would ever call her hot, but here she is. “Fuck. Now’s not the time for that, Daisy,” then backs the car out of the building. As soon as they’re outside, the T-Rex has nearly caught up to them, which they both realize simultaneously with a scream as Penelope speeds off towards the island, which is thankfully now in view, and Penelope is suddenly grateful for the summer she spent fixing cars, otherwise they’d still be stuck in the jungle. 

“Thank God the park isn’t officially opened. Otherwise, everyone would be dead!”

“Something tells me that the park is never going to open after today’s events,” Daisy mutters. “Now speed!”

“So demanding,” Penelope teases, before she puts pedal to the metal and floors it.

Finally.

Finally the girls make it back to the island. They find their group. Not everyone is there. Some of the girls haven’t returned from their duties yet, which worries the group as there’s still four girls missing.

“Don’t worry. We’re not leaving the island until we find the others,” Louise tries to reassure Daisy. “Now, what the hell happened to your leg, and… why are you both wet?”

“We had to jump into a waterfall to get away from the T-Rex,” Penelope explains, before frowning slightly. “Wow. That’s a sentence I neer thought I’d say. Anyways, she was still following us when we were coming back to the island. I hope there’s someone to take care of that when she finally reaches us.”

“Don’t worry, it’s being sorted. We’re safe,” Louise replies. “Come on. You need medical attention.”

Louise starts to help Daisy, but Penelope suddenly rushes to take her place, surprising them both.

“Wait! Let me,” she interjects, carefully  wrapping her arms around Daisy’s waist, helping her stand up. She looks up at Louise and smiles innocently. “Lead the way?” She holds onto Daisy protectively, and Daisy instantly melts into the hold, grabbing onto Penelope for balance.

Louise looks at them back and forth. “What happened while you were in that jungle?”

Daisy blushes and looks up at Penelope. “A lot can happen while you’re running for your life,” she says, maintaining eye-contact with the woman next to her. “By the way, you smell awful.” She laughs when Penelope lightly punches her on the shoulder.

“Come on you two. You need medical attention, immediately,” Louise pushes again. “Weirdos.”

“I do feel a bit lightheaded,” Daisy mumbles, groaning in pain as Penelope starts walking towards a medical tent set up for the girls who were also injured.

As Daisy is being looked after by a nurse, Louise and Penelope stand aside chatting together.

“So, have you two finally kissed and made up with each other or what?” Louise asks.

Penelope rolls her eyes as she looks over at Louise. “Kind of. Turns out Daisy is in love with me.”

“Well, yeah… even a monkey could have told you that,” Louise snorts.

“What?” Penelope asks, frowning. “Has everyone known about this except for me?”

“Yup. Kinda sad that it took you ten years to realize this, but… I guess life always, uh, finds a way, right?”

“Yeah. I guess so,” Penelope replies with a soft sigh. She shakes her head before walking over to Daisy, who the nurse has left alone for a second to grab more medical supplies to help with Daisy’s injury. “Hey, by the way... I don’t know if I made this clear or not, but I don’t hate you either.”

Daisy blinks a few times as she looks up at Penelope with shock. “Wh- What?”

“Do you wanna go on a date when we get home?” Penelope bursts out, glaring when she hears Louise laughing at her. “Oh, shove off, Louise! Mind your own business!”  She looks back over at Daisy. “Look, I’m not really good at this whole dating thing. My longest relationship lasted two months...”

“That’s okay,” Daisy giggles. “Neither am I. I would love to go on a date with you when we get home. But, it better be more than just a boring old movie. I’m an adventurous kind of girl, y’know?”

Penelope lets out a sigh of relief when Daisy speaks those words, “yeah, I can tell,” and then she quickly leans down and presses her lips against Daisy’s, bringing the younger woman into a sweet and soft kiss. When she pulls away, the girls from their group are cheering loudly for the two. Everyone has known about the Howell vs. Lester feud for years, Penelope imagines everyone is relieved that they’ll no longer have to put up with the constant fighting from the two. Penelope coughs, blushing. “What a day, huh?”

Daisy laughs. “Yeah… I guess you could say that,”

“Now, hold on a minute. You’re telling me that it took a bloody dinosaur chasing you through the jungle and running for your lives to get you two together?” Zoe asks, who’s also being looked over by a nurse, speaks up, throwing her arms up, Daisy and Penelope both bursting into laughter. “Honestly.”