#Dallas has been missing for 18 years and no one knows what happened. such a mystery!

[holopossums]

The sky doesn't care what my poor heart wants And the desert can't hear my cries The moon doesn't mind that I'm left all alone And she's gone, gone

[shesalwaysthere]

Waiting Room

Joel x F!Reader

Chapter One: My Poor Parents’ Teenage Daughter

pairing: dbf!joel x f!reader

genre: no outbreak, explicit, fluff, angst, eventual smut

word count: 3.7k

summary: You come home from your term at UT for the summer to visit your parents. It’s your last summer close to home before you go up north and leave your family behind- but what happens when a teenage wet dream turns into something that could challenge your future?

warnings: 18+ EXPLICIT MINORS DNI, age gap, mentions of attraction when reader is younger (Joel is NOT attracted to reader when they are younger than 18), swearing, drunkenness, tommy being an asshole, no use of y/n

a/n: hey guys!! this is my first fic on here so if u have any tips please let me know! this was such a joy to write and i absolutely cannot wait to continue this story!! pls lmk what u think! <3

“be easy.

take your time.

you are coming

home

to yourself.”

— the becoming

Every day until you come home each June seems longer and longer until the departure day arrives. You love your school, UT has brought you so many new experiences and you truly feel like you’re ready for this new chapter in your life. But the long stretches of day that seem to go on forever don’t treat you kindly like home did.

Your journey home is, thankfully, a short one.

When you were younger, you dreaded going to college so close to home, your mind always so full of wanderlust, fantasizing about what the big, blue world would bring you. Austin was big, to be sure, but not big enough for you. You needed to soak up the Earth and everything it had to offer.

At twenty-two, you’re glad fifteen-year-old you didn’t make the decisions anymore. Within the first week of your freshman year, you missed your bed. You missed your mom blasting her songs through the house, and seeing your dad floating in the pool on the sweltering Texas days. Your family was crazy, loud, and crass, but the quiet of university gave you hives.

This summer was going to be the last before you traveled further north to Dallas to pursue the last leg of your degree. You were offered free room and board to finish your master's degree at a smaller school, and you were even granted an internship at which your mother screeched in excitement. You were thrilled to start your future, certainly, but this trip was expected to be a little… melancholy.

Your dad tried to convince you to let him drive you, but you insisted a two-way trip was a waste of gas, and you’d see him at home anyways. Home, you thought. Not for much longer, but home. Your old, rickety car sputtered on the half-hour drive, and you patted the poor steed’s dashboard reassuringly, almost as if it could be calmed by your hand. You did push the car’s limits by driving a bit too fast on the main roads, but you were just so, so eager to be home.

Once you finally reached the driveway, your parents were already rushing out the door, attacking you with an embrace, and you giggled happily, letting their warmth take over you. When they finally released you, you took notice of the massive – and very poorly painted – banner above the door, welcoming you home, with your name in big, messy letters drawn for the whole neighborhood to see. As you approached the door, you heard telltale sounds of… oh, God.

A party.

Before you could even protest, or remind your parents of the fact that you were a mess in nothing but a t-shirt and shorts, your hair was all messy, and your face made you look like the underside of a dumpster, they promptly shoved you inside as a cheer erupted from the crowd. Waves of family members shoved through to try and greet you first – aunts and uncles, cousins you’d missed, your sweet little nephew who’d been born four months before. There were even a few family friends you hadn’t seen in years, friends who must have traveled much too far just to see you. Your anxieties about your appearance faded as the energy in the room shifted. How silly you were to be so nervous. You felt surrounded by so much love, and honestly, it was just what you needed.

You almost don’t notice one of your childhood friends, Hannah, standing off to the side, as if she was patiently waiting for you to find her. You had wondered why she hadn’t been answering your texts for the past couple of weeks, then remembered fondly how she can’t keep a secret. You both share a look that nearly brings you to tears, overwhelmed by just the sight of her. You both look so… grown up.

You rush to her with arms outstretched, wrapping her in a tight embrace and laughing, overcome with joy. She pulls away to scan your face, nodding approvingly. “Damn, college did some good to you,” she laughs, holding your face for a moment, “maybe I should have followed you to UT, huh? Could’ve got this glow you have.”

Hannah is three years older than you. She was always so smart in school, and while it made you feel a little inferior, it also filled you with so much pride. She even tested into a program that earned her an associate’s degree when she graduated high school. She finished up her BA at community college even though she was offered several scholarships at many different colleges, all amounting to a number you could never dream of having. No full rides, though, and that was a dealbreaker for her parents. She’s down at the library, now, which you can only hope is something she loves.

You talk for a while, letting other folks come up to greet you and show praise for a few moments before you get too embarrassed and shoo them away. At one point, someone approaches from behind, covering your eyes. You feel them lean in all too close, their breath on your neck.

“Guess who,” they whisper, and you shiver.

If you didn’t know by the hands alone, the voice gives it all away. You pull away and smile wide, wrapping your arms around your dad’s closest friend for as long as you can remember, Joel Miller. Being the man he is, he lifts you up and spins you around, chuckling as you scream. He sets you back down and affectionately puts a hand on your shoulder. “Heya, kid. I’m real proud of you. I know how much this means to you. We’ll miss you down here.” You smile, your cheeks turning a light pink color as he walks away.

Your feelings for Joel are… complicated. He’s been around as far back as your memory goes, always there for your family when you needed him. Hell, he’d even come over when your dog ran out the door and you had to comb through the whole neighborhood to find her. You’d hop in the bed of his truck and shout her name until she came bounding towards you. He was there for birthdays, holidays, funerals…

He also made an occasional appearance in your teenage wet dreams.

It really isn’t your fault. He was consistently fit, handsome, caring, funny… he was the whole damn package and you couldn’t really ignore that as a teenage girl dreaming about prince charming. Joel wasn’t perfect, you knew that, but you loved that even more.

As you and Hannah watch him leave, she pokes you with her clawed finger, making you yelp and playfully slap her, pouting. She shakes her head at you. “What?” You cry, rubbing your arm where she poked you.

“You’re unbelievable,” she says, looking back at Joel. “He’s basically your uncle.”

“Ew, Hannah! Don’t say that, god, that’s so gross,” you say, shaking your head and covering your face. “Don’t make me feel worse! I can’t help this.”

Hannah, of course, knew all about your little crush on Joel and relentlessly teased you throughout the years for it. The teasing was well deserved, as it was silly to feel that way towards someone around 20 years your senior, but sometimes it got to you. It wasn’t like you were going to pursue him, he was just… one delicious fantasy that was stuck in your head.

“So, how’s Kevin?” you ask, trying to change the subject. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Hannah, but you know boy talk is her weakness, and you breathe a deep sigh of relief when she begins her ramble. The gossip doesn’t last too much longer, though, as your dad approaches you with a big smile, and you could tell by the look in his eyes he had some sort of surprise for you.

“Hey, nugget,” he smiles, making you roll your eyes at the nickname. “Come over here, I wanna talk to you about something.” You nod, giving Hannah’s hand a squeeze and smiling before walking away with your dad, intuiting that whatever he wants to talk about will take quite a while. You love him, but he’s something of a talker. He guides you through the sea of people in your living room to the back door, where more people have slowly gathered as the grill begins to work its magic and the crowd gets hungrier. Manning the grill was, of course, Joel.

Your dad leads you over to where he stands, Joel’s eyes not leaving the grill. ‘So serious about his hamburgers’, you think, smiling to yourself. Your dad claps him on the back and Joel jumps slightly, smiling at how surprised he was. He shoves your dad’s shoulder and your dad shakes his head. “This old fucker… well, he’s in desperate need of your help. See, the legal side of his contracting business is frankly a mess, and he won’t hire anyone thinkin’ it’s one big waste o’ money, or whatever.”

The two of them share a laugh, and despite how adorable your two favorite old men are, you find yourself growing increasingly impatient at their lack of to-the-pointness. You nod your head, crossing your legs in agitation. Your dad sighs and points to you knowingly.

“You’re good with that law aspect though, aren’t you? Making sure the… y’know, labor’s fair and the whole thing’s all up to code,” your dad says, scratching his nose. You know he has absolutely no clue what the hell he’s talking about, but he’s trying, and it gives you some semblance of warm joy at the thought. “I thought maybe… you could work for Joel this summer. Few months of real-world experience under your belt, get some decent pay… plus, the old man won’t be too hard on you, will ya, Joel?”

You bring your eyes back over to Joel, who’s clearly been a bit more affected by the alcohol than your dear old dad. His cheeks are red, his brow a bit sweaty (though that could be from the grill) and his lips pursed. You stop to wonder if someone so clearly messed up should be manning a grill, but the thought is stopped in its tracks as you notice something.

Joel is looking at you. I mean, really looking. Not in your eyes, no, at your face. Scanning you, drinking you in, like he’s looking at you for the first time. You feel your face get hot as his eyes go lower before slowly rolling their way back up, and he locks eyes with you, making you smile. He smiles back, which surprises you. It’s a smile that speaks to you. It tells you to be quiet, shushing you, keeping it a secret. You bite your lip, stifling a giggle as you look back at your dad.

You shrug. “I guess. As long as Joel knows the basics of everything, or has kept a file. You did have a lawyer when you started Miller Contracting, right?” you ask, narrowing your eyes at Joel playfully. He laughs too loud, taking another sip of his beer and nodding. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure he kept the files somewhere around, I’ll get ‘em for you. As long as you’re comfortable workin’ with me.”

Your dad shoves him a bit. “Oh, c’mon, Miller, she’s fine. She’s known you most of ‘er life, long as you just treat her right and don’t saddle her with work like you do Tommy, she’ll be alright. And make sure Tommy keeps his hands to himself!” He half-shouts, busting out into more laughter as you turn red again.

You snap your eyes over to Joel who quickly averts his gaze to the floor, and you bite your lip in frustration.

“Yeah, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine,” you say. “And don’t worry, Dad. We’re both good with our hands in different ways.”

You couldn’t be certain, but you thought you saw Joel choke on his drink.

You decided to go formal. First day, new job, might as well look nice, right? Your little… outfit was a little form-fitting, but you’d go for it anyways. You gathered what you figured would be first-day essentials and rushed out the door before your parents woke up. You knew your parents would either make you late by celebrating it as if it was some massive deal, or they’d force you to stay until they were ready to take you themselves, and you couldn’t bear the embarrassment of either.

As you start your car, your phone dings with a little notification. You check, pleasantly surprised, as it’s a text from Joel.

ミ★

(9:08 am) Joel: Hey kid, here’s the address for the office.

(9:08 am) You: look at you, joel, all tech-savvy!

(9:10 am) Joel: Gotta remind me I’m old huh?

(9:11 am) You: now do an emoji for me

(9:11 am) Joel: I am not doing tricks for your pleasure.

(9:12 am) You: i’ll bring you a coffee.

(9:12 am) Joel: 🎪🤹🤡

☆彡

You smile, shaking your head at your goofy, old boss. You punch in the directions to your GPS app and begin the 15-minute (turned to a 25-minute to stop for coffee) trip to your new job. And with around 20 minutes to spare, you pat yourself on the back. Joel is already waiting for you when you walk in, giving you a look you cannot place, especially being distracted by carrying coffee with you. You shove your folders into Joel’s chest momentarily to regain your balance.

“Hey, sorry, hold this for a sec,” you say, pulling out Joel’s coffee and setting it on the desk behind him and sighing, grabbing your papers back. “Thanks. Um… you okay?” Your question is prompted by you taking notice of the look on his face – a sort of slack-jawed, wide-eyed look, like you’d walked in wearing nothing. You feel something tighten inside of you, cursing yourself for feeling so weak at a man looking at you like some kind of meal. You clear your throat, trying to push out a little awkward laugh. “What, you never seen me in nice clothes before?”

Joel clears his throat, smiling a little at himself. “Not since your prom dress,” he says, clearly poking fun at you, since you decided at seventeen that the best thing to wear to prom would be a bright pink dress that looked WAY better in the store than it did the day of, and you had to go in one of your mom’s old dresses. You grimace at the reminder, shoving Joel playfully for bringing it up. “Thanks for reopening that wound, asshole. To think that wasn’t even the worst part of prom,” you say, shaking your head at the memory. He gives you a confused look, making you shrug.

“You know, because I went with Harrison.” you say, gesturing for Joel to catch on. “He… was an asshole? He left me alone all night and made out with my friend when we got to Hannah’s house. Did Dad not tell you?”

Joel nods as if he understands, but he just looks more confused. “Really? Ken’s kid acted that way? Shit, that fuckin’ bonehead’s married now. Can’t imagine what that woman’s goin’ through now. If I’d known, woulda kicked the shit out of him.” He smirks, taking a sip of his coffee.

You laugh, covering your mouth like someone’s going to hear you. “Yeah, I bet you would have. All you would’ve had to do is look at him and he’d run, the pussy. Speaking of, I bet his wife’s real frustrated that he can’t make a woman come.” Joel chokes on his coffee a bit.

As if on cue, Tommy walks in, a customary Joel resting frown on his face that quickly turns to a smile when he sees you. His walk picks up into a jog as he approaches you, wrapping you up into a hug that is purely Tommy. He smells like he just got out of the shower, which is comforting in the most unidentifiable way. He leans away to get a look at you, smiling wide. “Joel told me you’d be here! Couldn’t shut the fuck up about it, in fact,” he says, giving Joel a teasing look, to which Joel responds with a frown.

Tommy looks back at you and puts his hand on your shoulder. “I’m gonna show you where you’re workin’. This old fart won’t remember where everything is, so I’m in charge of the tour. He’ll come along, though, don’t you worry.” You smile and nod, even though you’re a little confused about why you’d be worried about Joel not being there. Did Tommy know something? Did Hannah already tell the whole damn town? Before you can catastrophize anymore, Tommy walks ahead of both of you, leading you toward your station.

The consultation office is new to the company, but the building is definitely not. The only thing that doesn’t seem to be over a decade old is the floor- seemingly new tile, which Tommy comments about. Something along the lines of “out of our own damn pockets” and how it was “worth gettin’ rid of the suspicious carpet stains”. You say something about how Tommy better not bring any girls around and make more stains, which makes Joel laugh. You’re shown Joel’s consult area, Tommy’s area (which he doesn’t really explain, but based on the fact that it looks like a man cave, you assume going in there is a bad idea), a tiny coffee machine that looks like it’s older than the building itself, and finally, your office.

It’s bigger than Tommy’s. Hell, it’s bigger than Joel’s. Obviously, it’s still not huge, but there’s enough space for your desk, a little lounge, and a bookshelf. There are boxes of files on your desk, seemingly all set out for you to go through and organize. However, another box catches your attention. It has a picture frame, a little pencil cup, and a few other things one might have in their office inside of it- but it isn’t yours. You inspect it closer, seeing the picture is of Joel and Sarah. You turn to look at Joel, confused, as he leans against the doorframe.

“You gave up your office for me?”

He just shrugs. “Wasn’t usin’ it.”

You reel. It’s stupid and cheesy, but you do. You rack your brain for any indication before that he was doing this for you, but you can’t remember anything he might have done to reveal this. He wanted to surprise you.

Tommy looks back and forth between you and Joel, smiling knowingly. “He really wasn’t. This geezer spends most of his time out workin’ instead of in here, even though we got a whole group of guys doin’ the work for us.”

“Well, we didn’t start this shit to have other guys do it,” Joel combats, standing up straight. “You’re just a lazy ass now that we got more people. It’s still Miller Contracting, not… Miller and The Other Guys Contracting.”

You stifle a laugh. So does Tommy. Joel purses his lips frustratedly, which only breaks the damn. You laugh so hard you cry, the silliness of the joke rushing at you. Tommy laughs with you, sharing a look with you. It was so fucking stupid and you both knew it.

Joel finally laughs, too. Laughs so hard he has to grab his stomach, delighted at the idiotic joke he made.

You and Tommy silently agree not to mention it. You’re afraid he’ll stop.

Once your giggles finally settle, Tommy crosses his arms and says something about having to get back to someone who called earlier and he steps out of the office. And then there were two.

Joel watches you. He doesn’t say anything when Tommy leaves, just stands exactly where he’s been the whole time, stalking you, waiting for you to move. You don’t look at him. It unnerves you, making you conscious of your movement, but you want him to keep looking. You can’t explain what he’s doing, and you can’t even begin to explain what you’re doing either.

You walk around the room some more, admiring the view from the window, touching the shelves, et cetera. His eyes stay on you. You turn and face him, considering asking him what the hell he’s looking at, but his gaze stops you in your tracks. Goddamn him. You force a smile and bring your hands up to your arms, rubbing them lightly. “Little cold in here, huh?” you chuckle.

Joel just shrugs. “Better’n outside.”

You nod. The air is tense. And awkward.

He leans away from the doorframe and for a moment you think he’ll walk towards you, but he doesn’t. “Well, I’ll let you get settled. Let me or Tommy know if you need anything.”

And he’s gone.

You use the rest of the day to organize the files all piled and half-organized on your desk, not even having time to read them with the unidentifiable order, or lack thereof, of it all. You assume the guys leave halfway through the day when silence falls over the office. It isn’t unsettling in the slightest, but comforting in the way it reminds you of the quiet of your dorm. You hadn’t missed it yet, but you found yourself starting to. Maybe this would be a nice substitute.

When you find yourself hungry for lunch, you decide stretching your legs is a good idea and just go to get some. When you come back, Tommy’s truck is there, and both of their office doors are closed, so you know they’re back. When you walk back into your office, there’s something there you hadn’t left.

It’s a jacket. Pretty fuckin big, too- not chunky big, just stretched out like whoever was wearing it had been wearing it for a long time. There’s a little pink Post-it note attached to it, seemingly from the office.

Don’t go touching the thermostat. -J

Fucking Christ. You groan but put it on, silently grateful for the act of kindness. Still, a thought nudged at the back of your mind.

Is the whole summer going to be like this?

[saltandpepperbox]

[full text of the letter under the cut for length:]

For the last 18 years, I have felt like one of the lucky ones. I was able to make my childhood dream come true playing in the NHL with two great franchises - first with San Jose and then with Dallas - surrounded by some of the best people the hockey world has to offer. My time in those cities allowed me to build deep connections with both fanbases, and that connection gave me the added fuel to live up to the expectations I had set for myself. There are two moments that stand out as favorites during my playing career, and funny enough, both started with getting knocked out. Both incidents happened in the playoffs, once with San Jose against Vegas during the 2019 playoffs, and then again while I was playing for Dallas against Minnesota in 2023. In each of these instances, my teammates had my back and our team advanced deeper into the playoffs while I was recovering, giving me the chance to return to the lineup. I was lucky enough to score in both return games - a goal and an assist in game seven against Colorado with San Jose and a four goal game in game one against Seattle with Dallas, Seeing Jumbo's face as I skated back to the bench, and his genuine excitement boiling over, is something that is etched in my brain to this day. And in Dallas, hearing the roar of the crowd that night at the American Airlines Center is something I will always remember. It was moments like these that deepened my understanding of what the hockey fan and player are all about, thriving on the miraculous and unlikely stories like these that keep us coming back for more.

I'll always hold on to the kindness and passion I received from my fans and teammates, especially during that process of missing playoff games and working my way back. There was nothing more important to me than playing in the playoffs, I cherished every single chance I got to chase a championship and it made coming to the rink every day exciting and extremely motivating. The love and support I felt from you all got me through challenging times and helped create those big moment, and these are now experience that we cherish and share together. To all the teammates, coaches and support staff that helped me during my career - I can't put into words my gratitude for everything you did for me and my family. You challenged and encouraged me, and the memories we made together will last a lifetime. The thrills of the game will fade but those bonds and friendships will be the most cherished thing I take from this great game. Most importantly, I couldn't have done it without the unwavering support of my family. If I had to define one trait that helped me through the this journey, it would be working hard. To my parents, brother and sister, I watched and learned that from you at a young age what it meant to dedicate yourself to hard work and persevere. Your teachings pushed me to be the best, not take anything for granted, and to be grateful for every small opportunity that life offers us. I can't thank you enough for all the love you have shown and how much you pushed me.

To my wife Sarah and son Nathan. You've been there the entire way and have been nothing but supportive of me. I live every day to make you both proud, and you both should know how proud you make me. There are so many moment that we get to share together, whether they're ups or downs and there are no two people that I'd rather share it all with. You two are always in my heart, and this game was so much better because I got to share it with you.

I guess the theme is, my career was not made better by individual accomplishments, but by all the people who I got to share it with. Some of you I will get to thank in person, but for others, this is the only way I can do it. So, thank you to everyone who went on this journey with me.

Always a hockey guy and forever grateful ....

Joe

Thank you, Joe Pavelski❤️

[let-me-luve-you]

Winter Storm

Jared Padalecki x Reader

Summary: You play Cordell Walker’s daughter on the new show Walker. Jared takes you under his wing. What happens when a winter storm hits all of Texas.

Warnings: Mentions of a rough upbringing, Texas winter storm, power outage, water problems, some angst, scary weather, fluff, protective Jared, maybe a cuss word somewhere

A/N: As a Texan, this past week has been scary. I have been extremely blessed to not have the problems that a lot are. I was lucky and did not lose power and did not have any pipes burst. This idea came to me after seeing that Jared and Gen were helping others while dealing with their own problems at their house. 

HERE ARE SOME LINKS TO HELP OUT IF YOU ARE ABLE TO. 

KICK THE COLD - AUSTIN MUTUAL AID

GENESIS WOMEN’S SHELTER & SUPPORT

FEEDING TEXAS

LIST OF ORGANIZATIONS SEEKING DONATIONS IN DALLAS AREA

THE WAY HOME

You do not have to donate to any of these organizations, but if you feel the need to help, here are a few links. ^^^^ There are plenty more out there if you don’t want to donate to these links. 

MASTERLIST   BUY ME A COFFEE

Winter weather will be hitting Texas this weekend. You can expect lots of snow and ice. It is best to prepare for possible power outages and water being turned off. That is worst case scenario, but be prepared as Sunday will be a cold one.

You panicked. Growing up in North Texas you never had to deal with severe winter weather. You were used to dealing with tornados. But the way they were talking on the news, this weekend was going to be bad.

Thankfully you had the day off and were able to go to the store. You grabbed a case of water and food that you could prepare and food that didn’t have to be cooked to eat. You were still getting used to the adult life as an 18 year old, but since you had been taking care of yourself the last few years, you learned a thing or two in the kitchen. You made sure to grab some snacks as well since they didn’t have to be cooked or stored in the fridge either.

As you pulled up to your apartment building, you got a call from the lead and producer of the show you were on. You still weren’t sure how you managed to land the role of Stella in the new show Walker, but you were grateful. You put the car in park and grabbed your phone.

“Hey Jare.” You said. Jared was the older brother you always wanted, even though he plays your dad and he has moments where he acts like your dad. You didn’t have a great life growing up and to have a male figure in your life to help you in anyway, made you happy. Same thing with Gen.

“Hey Y/N/N. How’re you doing?” He asked.

“I’m doing good. Just got back from the store. Am I needed on set?” You asked in a panic thinking you missed something.

“No, no you’re not needed. Just wanted to call and tell you we are not filming Monday or Tuesday next week. And depending on the weather and roads, we may cancel Wednesday as well.” He informed you.

“Oh. Is it because of the storm?” You asked.

“Yeah. We aren’t sure how bad it’ll be, but we are hoping we are just being over cautious.” He said. “You said you went to the store?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to get something’s so I won’t have to get out. And I got some stuff. I won’t need to cook in case we lose power. Also filled up with gas in case I lose heat and need to warm up some.” You told him.

“Come stay with us. We have plenty of room and we have a fireplace. We just restocked our firewood supply. I don’t want to be worrying about you all weekend.” He said.

“I’ll be okay. Really. Thank you for the offer though.” You said nicely. You really did mean it. You were used to taking care of yourself that when people did want to help you, you appreciated them.

“Well. I have my truck if I need to come get you. If you change your mind, come over. The kids would love to see you.” He said. You heard Gen agree with him in the background. “And Gen would too.”

“Well after the storm, I’ll come over for dinner to see everyone. And I’ll even come another night to babysit so you and Gen can go on a date.” You said with a laugh once you heard Gen immediately laugh.

“Gen says you don’t have to, but I will take you up on both offers.” Jared told you. “Okay. Well stay in touch. They say it’ll start sometime tomorrow night.”

“Y’all stay safe and stay in touch too.” You said. “Bye Jare.”

“Bye Y/N/N.” He said before hanging up. You put your phone back into your pocket before lugging all of the groceries into your apartment. You put everything away before going to change out of your winter clothes.

After changing into some PJs to be comfortable. You decided to meal prep some so you wouldn’t have to worry about it later. And if the weather isn’t as bad as they think it’ll be, you can just eat them throughout the week.

Sunday morning, you woke up and looked outside. All you could see was white fluffiness. You smiled as the world looked at peace. You loved snow. You always thought it brought beauty to the world.

When you walked back to your phone where it laid on its charger, you saw a couple of texts from Jared and Gen. Both had sent you photos of Tom, Shep, and Odette playing the in the snow. Then you saw Jared’s text about possible rolling power outages.

You picked up the phone and called Jared and before he could even say hello, you asked, “What does that mean? Your text... I don’t understand it.”

“It means they’ll shut the power off for an hour to three hours to preserve energy.” Jared said.

“Oh.” You said.

“Yeah, so if the power goes out, don’t worry, it should come back on.” He reassured you.

“Okay. Thank you for letting me know.” You replied.

“Of course. How are you doing anyways?” He asked.

“Good. Just woke up. Felt good to sleep in. I’m probably about to start warming up my lunch.” You informed him. “How are y’all handling it over there? I saw the pics you and Gen sent. The kids look like they’re having a blast.”

“We’re doing good. The kids are definitely loving the snow. I did have to help Gen gather the chickens this morning which wasn’t fun.” He said with a laugh.

“Oh gosh. Yeah chasing chickens isn’t fun. Are they okay? I didn’t even think about y’all’s animals?”

“They’re all in the barn with heat lamps. Thankfully the barn is powered by solar so we don’t have to worry too much if the power goes out since we have a lot of energy stored up.” He said.

“Good that’s good. Well I’ll let you get back to doing whatever you were doing. Thanks again for letting me know.”

“Anytime. If you need something, holler. Okay?” He asked.

“I will. Bye.” You said. You heard his farewell as you went to hang up the phone. After preheating the oven, you took the lasagna and boxed garlic bread out of the freezer. You figured, while the power was still on, you could cook the one meal you prepped that couldn’t be eaten cold until you cooked it and it was leftovers.

An hour later, you sat at the counter charging your phone and iPad while you ate. When you went to take another bite, the power cut off.

“Great.” You whispered. You knew it was only going to be for a few hours, but you were a little aggravated by the inconvenience. You stood up and went and put on thicker sweatpants and your socks. When you made it back to your phone to text Jared that your power went out, you saw you barely had any service. That concerned you in case you needed to make a call for an emergency.

Power just went out. Hopefully y’all didn’t lose power. I’ll let you know when it’s back on. Sent 1:23 pm

You continued to eat as you awaited a response. Shrugging when you finished your meal and put the dirty dish in the sink, you moved to the living room to read a book you started the night before.

Hours later, you still had no power and you still hadn’t heard from Jared or Gen. You had checked social media, but neither had posted anything. You decided to scroll through Twitter and saw the horrors of people’s pipes bursting and roofs caving in flooding their homes.

Seeing people in Austin posting that, you decided to grab a tote to store your valuables in. Sadly, it wasn’t a lot, but the idea of losing what little you had that meant something to you scared you.

You needed to go to your car to charge your phone and warm up some, so you decided to store your valuables in the trunk. Thankfully you had a covered parking space that was right in front of your apartment. When you put the tote in the trunk, you checked to make sure the tail pipe was clear of snow before you started the car.

After spending an hour in the car, you decided it was time for bed. Grabbing every piece of blankets you had, you cuddled up in Jared’s hoody that you stole from him when you filmed episode 2 of Walker and all the blankets. You even had on two pairs of socks on since you got cold earlier.

The next morning, you checked to see your phone still had more than half its battery life left. But what shocked you was still no response from Jared. You got on Instagram and saw that Gen had posted a boomerang of him with his socks on as gloves, but neither had checked in with you.

You were kind of upset by this. You knew they didn’t owe you anything, but it still hurt. Going to the kitchen, you saw it was flooded.

“Oh no. Oh no. Nonononono.” You panicked. You ran to the bathroom and grabbed all the towels you owned and rushed back to the kitchen. You threw them down to try and absorb as much water as possible. You opened the cabinet and saw the pipe that had burst. You grabbed your phone and called the landlord.

“Hey Craig. I had a pipe burst this morning.” You said when he answered.

“Can’t do much with the weather like this.” He said not really caring.

“Can you turn the water off or something? Or tell me where it is and I’ll do it.” You said getting angry.

“Can’t do that either. If I do that, your neighbors lose their water too.” He said.

“Well what am I supposed to do. Just sit in water all day?” You asked with an annoyed tone.

“City’s running out of water anyway so they may shut it off. So won’t be long before it stops.” He said. You got so mad that you hung up. He was useless.

After 3 hours, all of your towels were soaked and you started using some of your clothes to help absorb what the towels couldn’t. You had tried calling Jared to see if he knew what to do but it went straight to voicemail. Same with Gen.

After using most of your clothes to stop the water, you decided to pack a bag in case you had to leave. Plus it would let you know what you could use to absorb the water that still remains. Thankfully your landlord had turned the water off after multiple people called about pipes bursting. All you had to do was finish cleaning up the mess.

Two days later, you were sitting in your car, about to go back into your apartment when you got a call from Gen.

“Y/N. Oh my gosh it’s so good to hear from you. We haven’t had service, plus we lost power and had a few pipes burst. Are you okay?” She asked worriedly.

“I’m okay. Sitting in my car right now so I could charge my phone and warm up a bit.” You told her.

“You don’t have power still?” She asked.

“Nope. And I also had a pipe burst. But I cleaned it up and nothing was damaged. Did you have any damage done? Is everyone okay?” You asked concerned.

“Yeah. We are fine. And just minimal floor damage.” She told you. “Jared is cleaning that mess up while I’m going to the store. Do you need anything? We have some of our neighbors over trying to stay warm and I’m grabbing them stuff too. So I don’t mind getting you anything.”

“I’m okay. I have plenty.” You said. You wanted heat. You wanted to sleep without having to wear five layers, but you refused to ask.

“Well if you do need something, text or call. Hopefully we get service back.” She said.

“I will. Thanks Gen.” you said as you hung up. Ten minutes later you got a call from Jared.

“Pack a bag and bring some blankets.” He said before you could even greet him.

“What?” You asked genuinely confused.

“I said, pack a bag and bring some blankets. Also if you want to bring any food you don’t want to go to waste or if you have water, bring that too. I’ll come in and help you carry.” He said.

“Wh-wait.. what is happening?” You asked.

“I’m coming to get you and you are going to stay with us for a couple of days. I just got off the phone with Gen and she said you had a pipe burst and you don’t have heat. So you are going to come stay with us until your power is back on and the pipe is fixed.” He said. “I’m pulling up. I’ll be inside in a second.” He hung up before you could say anything.

You went and unlocked the door before moving to your room. You grabbed your big suitcase and packed what few pair of pants you had, a weeks worth of underwear, two weeks worth of socks since you hated having cold feet, and the remaining three sweaters and seven shirts you had. It barely filled your suitcase so you decided to throw in a couple of hoodies as well.

“That all your packing?” Jared asked concerned. No one knew how long this was going to last.

“It’s all I got clean.” You answered honestly.

“No way.” He said in disbelief. You shrugged and told him to follow you as you walked into the kitchen. He saw the pile of clothes and towels on the ground. “Oh Y/N. I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“Happened to you too.” You said before moving back to your room. You grabbed a blanket and started to fold it, starting a pile you were taking with you to the Padalecki’s. Once you finished that, you grabbed your pillow too.

“Want any books or anything? You have room in your suitcase.” Jared said as he pointed to it. You shrugged and grabbed a few books you had been wanting to read. After throwing them into the suitcase, you ran to the living room to grab your iPad and chargers.

“We can charge them in the cars if we need to.” Jared said when you thought about not putting them in your bag. You nodded before throwing them in and zipping it up. “This ready to go to the truck?” You nodded once again before he grabbed the suitcase handle and stack of blankets and your pillow with ease. “Go figure out food and I’ll come back to help.”

Once in the kitchen, you grabbed the full water case you had bought a few days before and the almost empty one that you had already opened. You then moved to the fridge to grab the few casserole dishes you had left to eat. You grabbed your travel food carrier and put the casseroles in first before the almost empty case of water in after it. You saw Jared walking back in and asked,

“Is there any food of mine you want? I’ve got everything packed that will definitely go bad before I get back. The rest has already gone bad.” You said while looking at Jared who was looking through your cabinets. He found your snack one and grabbed a few things and shoved them in your carrier.

“That’s all I want.” He smirked. “Ready to go? We can come back in a couple of days if we need to.”

“Ready.” You walked to his truck and he helped you load the water and carrier. As you got into the passenger seat and started to buckle, you said, “thanks for coming to get me and letting me stay with you.”

“Anything for family.” He said smiling at you before driving carefully back to his house.

“But we aren’t family?” You said more as a question.

“You’re my tv daughter, so technically we are.” He said with a laugh. “But in all seriousness, I do see you as family. Me and you have gotten close over these past few months. I can see you as a daughter and I can see you as a little sister.” You could hear the sincerity in his voice.

“Really?” You asked. He nodded his head. “It means a lot to hear you say that. I see you as a big brother.”

“Good.” You saw him smile. “That means you can ask me for anything or do anything and I’ll be there for you. Sorry I didn’t come get you sooner. I thought about it.”

“It’s okay. I tried calling but could never get through. It happens. I’m just glad nothing more serious happened. I’m glad we are all safe.” You said honestly.

“And we are about to get you warm. We have the fire going in the living room and in mine and Gen’s room. Kids have been sleeping with us or on the floor in our room. You’re welcome to make a pallet in front of the fire and crash there.” He said as he pulled into his driveway.

“Sleeping in front of a warm fire sounds lovely right now. Thank you.” You leaned over and gave him a big hug. “I love you Jare.” You said before pulling back to kiss his cheek.

“Love you too y/n/n.” He smiled at you. “Now let’s go take all this in and get you warmed up.”

Tags: @deadcoldhearts​

[juleswritesthis]

Roswell NM 3x11 Thoughts (I have a lot of thoughts!!!)

Contrary to popular opinion I really liked this episode. Yes, the science was so made up it was funny, yes certain character choices are hilariously silly, yes there was a lot of scenes filled with exposition dump, yes characters disappearing for episodes not to be mentioned as if they don’t exist is jarring & annoying, and omg yes, the Wyatt arc (if you can call it that) fell flat and was a complete waste of valuable screen time. So yes, I agree with most everyone’s assessment. That said still a very enjoyable and entertaining episode setting up the final concluding 2 hours of the season. Let’s get into it.

Jones is highly entertaining, overly good looking, and sometimes hilarious villain. Nathan shines bringing charm and depth to the role. Its important to note that Jones hasn’t caused any lasting damage to the group. Sure, he has tried to kill various members, he’s responsible for putting Maria in a coma & has kidnapped half the cast basically, kept our heroes busy all season. But when it comes to killing or destruction it’s really been focused on the dregs or racist folks of the town, the poor scientist in Santa Fe (I think it was Santa Fe) & the lady at the university last week. No one of any real consequence to our heroes. Now I have no idea if Maria’s vision arc has concluded because it hasn’t been mentioned in forever, but I’m assuming that there will be a major death by season end. Noah killed Rosa and the 2 other girls, abused Isobel for 10 years and destroyed the lives of all the mains. For Jones to be a real big bad there’s got to be some long-lasting consequences to one or more of our mains. Though I’m going into the final 2 episodes with excitement there is some concern. I don’t think any of the mains will perish but I do worry about Sanders and even Heath. (I’m really worried about Sanders y’all especially after that promo!!!)

Jones negotiation with Liz was bizarre. Why negotiate at all? Wouldn’t he just threaten to kill or maim people…what the heck is Liz’s bargaining chip against an all-powerful, evil dictator? If she doesn’t do what he wants he can just start killing folks she loves. It really is that easy. I get the whole creativity inspiration thing but fear for those you love is a great motivator. I was so amused that after hours of discussion Liz pulls out the big guns… free the sheriff. Was that her wild card? Really Liz? She may be a kick-ass scientist with a boatload of courage and sass, but I wouldn’t have her negotiating any of my needs anytime soon.

Isobel and Rosa scenes continue to delight. I think it’s clear Rosa won’t be in Season 4 much. As much as I will miss her, I’m glad that she will find some peace and joy at art school, she deserves it. Unlike Wyatt who does not deserve any tranquility because his redemption (if you can call it that) was not earned. Instead, his memories were wiped along with it any true feelings of guilt and remorse. How can we believe he has truly changed? What happens if his memories return? So silly and completely wasteful screen time (no offense to the actor who is quite good and likable).

The Dallas and Max scenes were wonderful. Don’t get me wrong I prefer the show not tell method. And Dallas conveniently having the entire Oasis history in a memory from his father then regurgitating those memories to Max (and the audience) was not the best way to convey the story. However, the actor who plays Dallas is ridiculously charismatic and I could listen to him recite the phone book (do those still exist?) and be entertained. Plus, for one moment I truly believe that Dallas had gotten through to the constantly self-sacrificing, martyr that is Max Evans. But as the promo for finale proves with Max asking Michael (why Michael?) to kill him, the words didn’t stick. Oh Max…

Speaking of, I truly feel so bad for Max. He’s had it rough. In a span of couple weeks, he’s been told he is a clone of an evil dictator, he isn’t the Savior but in fact a weapon to bring down the real Savior who also isn’t really a savior but a genocidal maniac (Michael’s words not mine) who slaughtered half his planet. Not to mention the “there has to be 3” doesn’t include him, as he isn’t part of the triad. And that because he is a clone, he doesn’t actually have biological parents or siblings or anything, well Michael, by DNA sort of, maybe? Oh, and he is the only thing tethering the evil, psycho dictator to life. I mean…

My hope for Season 4 is that Max gets to process everything he has learned about his existence. He hasn’t expressed how he feels the entire season and he deserves to. I hope the writers don’t have him get over it by season’s end with one scene or worse just sweep it under the rug. Like being a clone of an evil psycho, to be used as a weapon, without any real connection to Isobel and Michael? That’s got to have some lasting effects…please writers let me see it on my screen.

Speaking of show not telling, Michael’s new powers. I not a fan of Michael telling us a story of how he used his mind control powers accidently when he was 18. Can we please see these scenes so we can feel the true emotional impact?

As for these powers, strap in, this is a doozy (and might be controversial). I, like Michael, feel that taking someone’s free will, no matter who they are is not a good power to have; it’s not fun, it’s not cool. Michael is right that’s some dark shit and a power that needs to be used very sparingly and with a ton of responsibility.

I loved the scene between Sanders and Michael, but I have a couple issues with some of the dialogue. Sanders is the only living person (other than Jones) that knew and loved Nora. Thus, he can speak about her with authority. He is also the only person who is any kind of real parent figure in Michael’s. Thus, him saying Michael has no darkness can be believed. He knows Michael and he knows Nora. However, Sanders doesn’t know what its like to have powers, especially an immense power such as mind control. Though I appreciate Sanders’ perspective (and agree with him about the purity of Michael’s soul) I wasn’t a big fan of him brushing away Michael’s fears about having mind control powers and not wanting to use them. Yes, it’s important for Michael to recognize just because he has Jones’ power doesn’t mean he is or will ever become Jones. It’s not the powers that make a person. But the line about Nora not fearing her powers was not helpful. Nora’s powers were telekinesis, engineering (if genius is a power) and possibly miraculous crop growth. None of these powers take away a person’s ability to control their actions (well telekinesis to a certain point but in nowhere near actual mind control). So of course, Nora didn’t fear her powers.

I wish someone had validated Michael’s fears instead of brushing them away with a few words of you have no darkness or in Isobel’s case you aren’t like Jones/Noah. A person does not have to be evil or bad to misuse a power like mind control & for that misuse to have dire consequences. Can you imagine being able to make people do what you want them to do at any time? Even if your intent is to do good, it doesn’t mean it’s something that should be done or won’t have major consequences. Sort of like the ends justify means conversation between Jones and Liz. What is the line, do you recognize it and what’s to stop a person from inches towards the line and what happens if you cross it?

So, my wish for next season is for Michael like Max is given time to process what he has learned about himself and his powers. My wish is for Michael is to continue to struggle with when, how and if he should use the mind control power. That way even when faced with a racist sheriff that is holding a gun to his friends, he is careful, asks for consent and never takes advantage of this tremendous power. In addition, I do think it would be very interesting to continue to explore these powers and how they maybe could change a person? Take Max’s power to give and take away life force. He killed Noah and used that life force (and his own) to bring Rosa to back to life. Seems like a good exchange but ethically and morally having a person decide who lives or dies? And how would this all fit into religion with Dallas being a priest? These could make for some great conversations and strong character development. Fingers crossed we see some of it and not just get told in passing.

The music in the episode was amazing. The beginning with Nothing Else Matters and Jones is a tux… I mean… Also, the ending with the fight sequence, building the suspense, only for the reveal to be that Jones had wanted them all to come so he could trap Liz, Dallas, and Max along with Isobel and Michael (for extra leverage) in his mind. I’m confused about why everyone was sitting but Michael was standing? Is he able to move or is he able to resist his father’s mind control? I’m really looking forward to next week and for Team Human to come to the rescue (maybe).

Favorite lines of the episode:

Sanders to Michael: “You are just a pair of sad puppy dog eyes and a cowboy hat”

Jones to Team Alien & Liz: “Well, everyone seems a little tense” (LOL I love Jones!)

Dallas (or Isobel) writing on the wall to Jones: “KNOCK, KNOCK”

[jawritter]

Second Chance

Part 2 (Final)

Warning: Angst, heartbreak, unrequited/requited love, young mistakes, light smut, unprotected smut, depression, panick attack, language, domestic voilence (a slap), I think that’s it.

Summary: No one has life figured out at 18, but can one mistake made and twenty-one years of hurt and regret be fixed with an “I’m sorry?”

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 3885

A/N: This is one of my older stories from WattPad that I wanted to bring over here and clean up a little. This is completely unbeta’d, and all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is gold! Part two will be posted tomorrow! Hope you all enjoy this one!

Want More? Check out my masterlist!

***MASTERLIST***

Jensen's POV:

Jensen pulled his baseball cap down lower over his face to hide his features from unsuspecting passing customers, his eyes glued on the door, as he ideally ran his finger over the rim of his coffee that had gone virtually untouched in front of him as he sat in the back booth at the little coffee shop in Dallas that he quite honestly couldn’t even remember the name of.

Jessie had said she'd meet him here over an hour ago, now she was late, and he was quickly losing his patients.

The coffee shop was already filling again for the second time since Jensen had taken his seat. He watched the people closely, afraid at any moment someone was going to figure out who he was and blow his cover. 

He'd gotten pretty good at hiding mind you, he'd been doing it since he was roughly eighteen years old, so he'd learned a few tricks to keep people kind of at bay when he really didn't want them around, or want to be noticed.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and shot Jessie the third text of the morning.

"Where the fuck are you?! I've been waiting for you for over an hour!"

Sitting the phone back down on the counter he waited for her reply, but no response. There were even more people filtering in and out of the coffee shop now, she must not be coming. It's probably for the best if he just leaves, and gets her to meet him somewhere else later. The longer he sat there, the longer he ran the risk of someone he knew walking in, or some fan figuring out who he was.

He’d just shoved the phone back down deep in his front pocket and was about to pick up his coffee and head towards the door when the shrill ding announcing someone’s entrance into the little shop made him look up, finally she was here.

Jensen watched her as she made her approach with a cold, dead look he usually reserved for his ex-wife. She looked at him completely unfazed by his sour temper as she made her way closer, and flopped down at the little table across from him. 

“What took you so fucking long?" Jensen almost snarled. 

"Fuck you asshole, I can walk out of her right now, and without me, you have zero chance with Y/N again? So what's your choice? You can either start treating me with some respect, or you can figure out how to get her to talk to your sorry ass all by yourself? Dealer's choice." she said coldly, looking at him like he was the most disgusting thing she'd ever laid eyes on.

"Fine, fine!" Jensen said, throwing his hands up in frustration and then glaring at her like if he could get away with it, and she wasn't a girl, he'd probably punch her in the face.

Another few moments or so silence passed with the two of them glaring at each other while Jensen's blood pressure simmered back down to a normal rate before he dared to speak again. 

"So, have you talked her into going out again?" Jensen said, taking a deep breath to steady himself. 

"No." 

"Well, then why the fuck did you say you wanted to talk to me! If you don't have information for me on where she's going to be then you're not...."

"Jensen!" 

"Ssshhhh!! Someone will recognize me!!" 

"Ugh!! I'll be so glad when the two of you kiss and makeup so I don't have to look at you anymore!"

"Feelings mutual, sweetheart!"

About that time Jessie's phone started to ring, effectively ending the argument between them. Looking down she saw it was Sherry and quickly silenced it. Jessie was already late for work, and if she kept this up she was going to get fired, and also caught in the middle of this drama, which is exactly what she had told Jensen she didn’t want to happen when he’d messaged her, asking for her help in fixing his fuck up.

"Look, let's just get this over with, I don't want people to know I'm still in Dallas, they'll start to ask questions," Jensen said with a huff of frustration, sinking lower into the booth seat.

"Fine, Y/n will not leave her apartment again, not with us or with anyone else. She's been locked in her apartment since the night we dropped her off when we left the bar, she's been working from home, she hasn't left the house at all. It's almost like she's slipped into some sort of depression. I don't think we're going to get her to go out with us again, so we might have to take a different approach." Jessie said, staring coldly at that man sitting across from her.

"Okay, then what do you suggest we do? " Jensen said, taking his hat off and carding his hands through his soft hair in frustration before putting the cap back in place harshly.  

Your POV:

It had been three weeks since you saw Jensen at the bar that night. It had set you back worse than you thought it ever could. Every time you closed your eyes all you could see was his face. You'd even been dreaming of him more than you had in the last three years. It wasn't healthy to say the least, and you were seriously starting to wonder if you had just dreamed it up, and had that nervous breakdown your therapist had warned you about.

All the progress you had made over the years in getting over him had seemed to spiral, and it had taken you three days to even get out of the bed once you stumbled through the apartment door. 

There was no doubt in your mind that after all these years you were still in love with this man, even though you were sure he'd ever loved you. Still, the heart wants what the heart wants. 

Over and over again you kicked yourself over the past three weeks for not accepting his offer to just talk. That damn ring when you saw it on his hand was like being nailed in the gut, by a ball pin hammer, just as hard as he could swing it.

He'd been able to do what you couldn't. He'd been able to move on, he'd been able to find love, and here you were alone. 

You hated him, but you loved him. To you that made no sense whatsoever, but there it was. 

You hated him for abandoning you all those years ago, you hated him for pushing you away, when all you'd ever done was love him, you hated him for giving up on you.

You loved him because it was something you just couldn't control. The way he smiled, those beautiful jade-colored eyes that always seemed to dance with an air of mischief that made your knees weak. You could still remember his scent, the way his strong arms felt when they wrapped around you all those years ago. You loved him because just with one smile he made your heart feel like it could leap out of your chest and fly around the room, you loved him, and for a lot of reasons, you didn't even know why still you did.

There were no denying things had changed in him. Even in the dim light of the bar, you could see that boy you fell in love with in Dallas was long gone, and a man had taken his place. The deep lines around his eyes, the way he carried himself, strong, confident. His voice was much deeper than it was back then, and even though his eyes were the same, the grey in his beard told you the boy he was back then was long gone, and really, you were in love with someone you didn’t even know anymore. He was a far cry from the boy that had taken your virginity all those years ago. 

He’d lived, and you hadn’t, simple as that.

He chose money, fame, and fortune over you. You would have given him everything, a family, a warm home to come home to. 

Then again, you guessed he'd found someone to do that for him, so again that rendered you useless.

Supernatural had been playing on your TV through Netflix for days. You just couldn’t stop watching it, and you couldn't stop kicking yourself. You couldn't stop thinking about him, and more than anything, you couldn't fill the hole that was in your chest, one that had almost closed, and was just a piece of you that was missing, now was ripped open and bleeding, and there was no way to make it go away.

Thank God your job allowed you to work from home. You just could do it. You couldn't deal with people, not in person, you couldn't go pretty yourself up and act like everything was fine, because it wasn't fine, and you didn't feel pretty. 

You weren't pretty enough for Jensen all those years ago, and you're not enough for him now, so why even try?

A loud knock on the door disturbed you from your self-loathing.

It was probably Sherry or Jessie. They were just worried about you, you know that, but you just hadn't been able to face them. The way you just completely broke down in the Uber on the way home was just embarrassing, and the fact that you couldn’t seem to pick yourself back up again was borderline humiliating on a whole different level.

Now apparently they'd given up on calling you and had just decided to show up. Well, you were a little impressed it had taken them this long actually.

"Go away! I don't feel like talking yet." 

Nothing, just another pounding knock on the door in response.

After sitting there a moment in confusion, you remembered Sherry knew where the spare key was, so it couldn’t be them. Getting up slowly you made your way to the door, pulling it open you looked through the crack and who you saw nearly knocked you on your ass.

"JENSEN!" you half yell, shocked to see that beautiful face on the other side of the door, and for just a moment you thought you were hallucinating. 

"Hey, can I come in or you just going to make me stand out in the hallway?" he said, looking around like he was afraid you were going to slam the door shut in his face. 

To be completely honest you thought about it, you just couldn't deal with the guilt and the “what ifs” this time if you did like you'd been dealing with for the past three weeks.

Pulling the door shut just enough to remove the chain lock that was placed on the door you open it, stepping back and letting him into your apartment. 

When you shut and relocked the door you turned around to find him staring at you, a look of concern painted over his God-like face as his eyes raked over you.

You walk around him and head for the TV, turning it off before he could see himself walking with a flashlight across the screen.

"What are you doing here Jensen?" you ask him, sitting down on the couch to keep your legs from falling out from under you. You didn't realize how weak he still made you, even after all these years.

"I wanted to see you, to talk to you." 

"Why? You said all you had to say to me 21 years ago." you watched as he visibly flinched at your sharp words. 

"Y/n, I'm sorry, I was young and stupid, I should have never let you go, I should have never let you walk away from me, I've regretted it since you have. I just haven't been man enough to tell you..." 

Standing up you cross the floor and get right in his face. A boldness you didn't have just five minutes ago springing out of nowhere, and anger burns deep, deep down in your belly. 

"Don’t come at me with your lies Jensen!” you scream at him. 

Bringing your hand up you slap him hard across the face before you could stop yourself. Not able to even control your own actions anymore, all you could see was red.

Your own pulse quickened in your ears as your slap staggered him back against the bar, and his hand flew up to the side of his face that was quickly turning red. You didn’t care, at that moment you didn’t even see it, all you could see was years, and years of hurt, and rejection.

“You’ve suffered so much huh?! With your perfect little wife, and kids that live in a fucking mansion on the lake in Austin! You really just expect to walk back into my life, say your sorry, and all the years of hurt would just magically go away? Fuck you!

You raised your hand to slap him again, but this time he caught it with his left hand, standing to tower over you he backed you against the wall, pinning you there with his solid form, using his sheer size and body weight to hold you there and keep you from hitting him again.

Through all the anger, through all the hurt, through the blinding tears that were now rolling down your face, there were two things you registered. First was the overwhelming feeling of his body weight pressing you, grounding you, and by some miracle, pulling you back down from your fit of rage his apology had triggered. 

The second and most important thing was that his wedding band was gone.

All your strength at that moment was gone.  The adrenaline crash hit you hard, and your knees buckled, a loud ringing taking the place of your pounding pulse in your ears, and your vision going white at the edges.

Jensen reached down and scooped you up into his arms before you could hit the floor, pulling you tight to his chest and bringing you over to the couch. Sitting down this you wrapped his arms, cradled in his lap like a small child. 

It was hard to breathe as the tears flowed down your face now, your chest felt so tight that you were almost certain you were breathing through a straw, even though your breath was coming in pants, the overwhelming feeling of passing out made your head spin, and your body began to shake.

Jensen shushed you over and over again, running his fingers through your hair, which gave you something else to focus on. “Breath for me Y/n, come one breathe with me.” 

You focused on the steady rise, and fall of his chest against you, the scent of his cologne, the steady brush of his hand through your hair, and before long you were able to focus enough to take a breath.

“That’s it, baby girl, fuck I’m so sorry sweetheart, this is all my fault.” 

This was a result of twenty-one years of hurt, hurt that he caused, and he knew it.

When you'd finally calmed down he put a finger under your chin and forced you to look up at him.

"I'm so, so sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I did this to you, I'm sorry that I was a fucking coward, I was afraid to find you, afraid to admit I was wrong, I'm sorry it took me twenty-one years to get enough balls to apologize to you. I know that’s enough, but I plan to stick around and do everything I can to make this up to you. I'm not married anymore. I didn't love her, I tried to, I really did, but I just couldn't, So I did the right thing, and I let her go so she could go and find someone that can make her happy."

You sat there staring at him like he'd popped out a third head. You wanted to pinch yourself to see if you were dreaming, or if you were dead. 

"So I came here to find you, the one person that has ever really made me happy. Your parents wouldn't tell me where you were, so I found your friend Jessie, she was going to get you to come to the bar that night so I could try and talk to you. I'm sorry about that too. I didn't know I'd hurt you this way. If I did I wouldn't have sprung myself on you." 

Crawling off of his lap and sitting down on the couch next to him you tried to make sense of what he was telling you.

"So what do you want from me? After all these years, what do you want from me now?"

You tried to understand, but you just couldn’t. Hell if you weren’t good enough all those years ago to make him want you, why the hell did he think you would be enough now?

Moving to the floor, Jensen got down on his knees in front of you, grabbing your hands in his. He looked like it took all the strength he had not to start crying himself, which only made more tears flow from you as you watched him bite down on his lower lips for a moment before he spoke.

"I want a second chance with you, I know I have no right to ask you for one, and you have every right to tell me to fuck off, and if you do I'll leave, and I'll never come back If that's really what you want, but sweetheart please, please give me a chance to fix this. Let me fix what I broke all those years ago." 

His thumb made little circles on the back of your hand, and he broke eye contact with you, looking down at the floor as he waiting for you to tell him to go fuck himself.

All those years you'd prayed he'd come back. All those years you'd dreamed he wanted you again. Here he was, and if you didn't give him another chance now, he was gone for good, and that would be all, you'd die right here, you'd never be able to recover.

Jensen took a shaky breath drawing you back to the present. 

"Please Y/N, say something?" 

Putting your hands on either side of his face you did the only thing your brain would let you do. You pulled him to you, crashing your lips to his. 

At first, he sat there shocked, but he caught up quickly though. Getting off his knees he crawled his large frame over yours, laying you both back down on the couch you were sitting on, holding his weight on you just enough to make you feel safe, for the first time in a long time.

"So I guess that means yes???" he said, lifting a perfect eyebrow and looking at you with the cutest little expression on his face, his eye crinkles showing just enough to make your heart melt.

"Yeah, but you got a shit ton of makeup to do Ackles," you tell him through tears, smacking him on his solid chest playfully.

"Well darlin’, let me start now," he said, bringing his lips softly back to yours before standing and dragging you with him, pulling you towards the open door of your bedroom.

Your mind worked on autopilot as he backed you into the room, closing the door with his large foot, and like jolts of electricity being shocked to a still heart, every lingering touch of his hands trailing your body, and every passionate kiss that made you breathless seemed to wake you up again. 

This wasn’t some quickie in the back of his truck in the middle of the wood. There was no rush to this, there was no hurry in the way he lowered your body on the bed, and crawled his way over every inch of skin, leaving a trail of kisses he went. 

There was no uncertainty in the way he looked into your eye as he pressed himself slowly into you, rocking slow and deep, stretching you, in the most intimate way possible, breathing life back into you as his lips found yours again in a slow lazy kiss, as he continued to work you both higher in an almost painfully slow pace. 

This wasn’t going to fix it all together, twenty-one years was a lot of time, and there was a lot of damage, to the both of you, but the way his body moved inside of yours, the promise that he made not only with his words, but with his body, and with his soul that he’d never leave you, never hurt you again, it brought you back in a way that you thought was long dead to you. 

When your release came, and he held you close to him, your name falling from his lips as he spilled himself deep inside of you, you felt like your heart really started to beat for the first time. 

There were still a lot of unanswered questions, and there were some things you just never wanted to know. Right now as he pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around, and caging your body close to him, promising to never let you go again would be enough. 

Not everyone gets the second chance the two of you were having now, and this time you would follow him to the ends of the earth if that’s what it took, because he was the other half of your heart, and it just didn’t beat if he wasn’t there.

Jessie's POV:

“I can’t believe you sent him here!” Sherry hissed as Jessie dug around for the spare key to your apartment. 

It had been hours since she had sent Jensen here to try and talk to you, and they had heard nothing. Then when Jessie let it slip on her lunch break what had been going on with Jensen and herself over the past couple of weeks, Sherry had blown her top, and insisted on coming to check on them.

“Would you shut up! I’m sure they’re fine!” Jessie hissed back, finding the key and turning the knob slowly. 

The apartment was quiet as the two women pushed the door open, and closed it silently behind them. 

“If he’s done something to hurt her I swear to God!” Sherry hissed again, making her way over to where Jessie was standing by the bar, staring through a crack in Y/N’s bedroom door.

She pointed towards it, and Sherry silently made her way to peek inside, seeing Jensen and Y/N curled into one another sound asleep, clothes strewn all over the floor, and long forgotten. Sherry smiled to herself as he turned around and looked back at Jessie, who was leaning against the bar, grinning like she’d won the war, and that’s all that mattered. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here, I think those two are gonna be just fine.” She said, leading Sherry towards the door, and closing the door to the apparent behind them. Leaving the world outside unknowing, while two hearts did what it took to heal.

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Tag List: @lyarr24​ @amandamdiehl​ @deanwanddamons​ @imabitch4jensen​ @rvgrsbrns​ @bi-danvers0​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @akshi8278​ @lyss-dw79​ @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624​ @busy-bee-angel-misska​ @justanotherwinchester​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @idksupernatural​

[songtoyou]

Chapter Eight: Be Still

Would You Call That Love

Pairing: Chris Evans x Raina Morrison (OC)

Rating: PG to PG-13 (Might be 18+ for some chapters)

Story Summary: There was always that one person Chris Evans tended to turn to when he was not in a committed relationship, Raina Morrison. He could confide in her about things going on in his life that he did not feel comfortable talking to his family or close friends about. Chris and Raina were able to establish a way to openly communicate with one another, but also being respectful of the other’s time and needs. It was the only constant “relationship” he had, but without all the nonsense of trying to build a life together. A “friends with benefits” situation. However, what happens when Chris starts rethinking his “relationship” with Raina and if either are willing to pursue something more?

Chapter Summary: Raina and Chris are having trouble dealing with their time apart. Long-distance relationships suck.

Chapter Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2,258

Author’s Note: I was having trouble with this chapter. I had to end up rewriting it because I was not feeling the first draft. 

Italics represent flashback conversations.

Sadly, I do not know Chris Evans or anyone in his family, and this is just a fictional take on his life. I do not permit this fic to be reposted on other platforms.  

Tag List: @patzammit​

Three months. That is how long Raina and Chris had been apart. She continued to star in the Broadway version of Moulin Rouge as Satine. Shows were constantly selling out. Reviews were acclaimed. Unfortunately, Raina was feeling bored. The same routine was beginning to annoy her. She didn't like that there was no room to change things up. Being in a Broadway show was vastly different from her concerts. Raina knew it would be.

Jerry had warned Raina that Broadway was a whole different ballgame than what she was used to or experienced. "You won't be able to change or add things from show to show. It is more rigorous than what you are used to, kid," Raina remembered Jerry telling her one day before she accepted the role. 

Raina wanted a challenge. She wanted to do something different. There were times where Raina felt stagnant in her career. Plus, Raina was now considered an aging pop star, so she had to begin the process of branching out into different fields of entertainment. 

"You should do the voice," Jerry would always suggest, which Raina repetitively turned down. It wasn't that Raina looked down on voice competition shows. She didn't want to open that door to be on television every week for months on end. She was a performer, not a judge.

Again, three months. Three months since Raina had physically seen her boyfriend. They talked on the phone and skyped regularly, but it was not the same as being in the same room. She missed Chris terribly. And he missed her.

Chris had been pretty busy himself, first having to take Dodger back to Boston before getting ready to go to Toronto. With Raina's busy schedule, she would not have been able to take care of the canine. For a week and a half, Chris would attend the Toronto Film Festival to promote the movie Knives Out. Raina wished she could have gone with him. Chris wished she could have gone with him. 

After the film festival, Chris didn't have much downtime. He rushed into working on A Starting Point with Mark to outline the website and coordinate interviews with politicians. 

Raina made it a point to steer clear of conversations about ASP. Truthfully, she didn't find the idea appealing or exciting. Yes, Americans needed to be informed about certain aspects of politics and important issues. But many outlets already offered what Chris and Mark were trying to do. She asked Chris one time what made ASP different from the others. She was surprised that he wasn't quite able to come up with a sufficient answer. Raina knew Chris meant well. 

"Chris," she spoke up one day before he left the City, "You know I will never bullshit you, and I won't ever blow smoke up your ass. That has never been the kind of friendship we had. Nor is it how we want our intimate relationship to go."

He looked at Raina and told her to go on. "Sometimes, I have noticed, is that you tend not to be able to look outside of your privilege, Chris. You know what I am saying?"

Chris turned to his girlfriend. He was confused about where she was getting at. "No. What are you saying?"

Raina sighed. She could tell Chris was on the verge of getting defensive. "Nothing," she said, throwing her hands up in defeat. "Look, let's no…argue about…stupid stuff, okay." Raina pleaded and walked up to Chris to put her arms around him.

He reciprocated by doing the same. Leaning in, Chris captured Raina's lips. "I don't want to argue either. Especially not before I have to leave," he whispered in her ear.

There would times when Raina would look back on that exchange between her and Chris. She felt weird about how Chris became so defensive. Yeah, she could have worded things better; however, why should she? 

Truthfully, Chris was a privileged white male. If he took the time to recognize his privileges, it would make him a better ally to those who represent underprivileged groups. Raina was worried about any possible backlash Chris could face with a project like AS, which was not what she wanted for him. She understood that this was a passion project for Chris and Mark as well. Raina only wanted Chris to make sure that everything was in order and that nothing would be thrown at him unexpectedly. She knew Chris wasn't able to take criticism very well, even when it was constructive, mainly when it came to projects he was enthusiastic about; she understood as she was the same way.

With their time apart, Chris had to miss her birthday, October 19. Chris made sure to send Raina an enormous flower arrangement he could find, along with an array of goodies from Dylan's Candy Bar store. Chris knew the gifts would something Raina would appreciate. However, he still felt guilty that he was not with her to celebrate her birthday in person.

"Hey, birthday girl," Chris greeted Raina through skype on the day of her birthday. He laughed when he saw that she was holding the cupcake pillow he got her.

"I love it!" she exclaimed happily. "And I love my three-tier candy cake. I can't believe you got me that," Raina pointed out as she adjusted the laptop camera to show Chris the candy cake. "I won't be able to eat all of that."

"Yeah, you will," he laughed.

"I miss you," Raina said to Chris. "I didn't think being away from you would be this hard."

Chris sighed, "I miss you, too, sweetheart. But we'll see each other for Christmas, right?"

"Yes, of course. I made sure to schedule that time off. I still plan to come up to Concord for Christmas. My dad has already made plans with Diane for not only Christmas but Thanksgiving as well. So he is taken care of," Raina revealed. "Speaking of Thanksgiving, what are you doing?"

Shifting in his seat, Chris shared that he would spend it in Concord with his family. He noticed the slight disappointment on Raina's face and shift in her demeanor. "You don't want to come here and spend the holiday with me?" she asked solemnly. She didn't want to press on the issue but wanted to hear Chris's reason. 

Raina understood that Chris always liked to spend the holidays with his family, but deep down, she hoped he would change it up this year. "It's just been two and a half months since we saw each other," Raina began but stopped. The last thing she wanted to do was to make Chris feel guilty. "Do you have any time off before then?"

"Like you, I'm completely booked up until Christmas. Mark and I are still working on the website for A Starting Point for the rest of October, then when November comes around, it is all press for Knives Out and premiers. Trust me; I would rather be with you than have to do press junkets or walk red carpets," Chris acknowledged.

Raina grabbed a piece of candy from her three-tier candy cake. She just sat back in her chair, not looking at the computer screen. Raina focused on the candy. She didn't want to look at Chris because if she did, tears would begin to form. For some reason, missing Chris and wanting to be with him felt like the equivalent of homesickness. It was a feeling she had never experienced when it came to another human being. Even when she was a teenager touring across the world, she never felt homesick. Her relationship with Chris brought along a whole new set of feelings for Raina, and part of it scared her. 

She suddenly asked herself, 'Am I becoming too dependent on Chris?' The last thing Raina wanted to be, was co-dependent.

Raina shook her head and sat up in her chair. She looked at Chris and smiled. "I'm sorry. I know you're busy. I don't mean to pressure you or make you feel bad."

The two continued to talk a bit longer until Chris noticed Raina yawning. "Okay, sweetheart, I will let you get to bed."

"No, I can still talk. It's early," Raina whined like a child.

"It's a quarter after eleven, and that is now your fourth yawn in the last fifteen minutes," he pointed out. "You need to get to bed."

Raina sighed, "Alright, boss. I'll get to bed. Talk to you later or when either one of us is available. Bye, honey. Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye."

Thanksgiving rolled around faster than Chris expected. Time flies when one is busy. He continued to talk to Raina via phone or skype. However, Chris was also beginning to get frustrated at their time apart. Currently, he was home, sitting in his living room with his brother and brother-in-law, watching a football game between the Buffalo Bills and Dallas Cowboys while his mom and sisters prepared dinner. Lisa would poke her head from the kitchen, asking the boys for help from time to time. His niece and nephew were running around playing with Dodger, who appeared to love the attention. 

It was almost perfect, except one person was missing. Raina. He called her earlier that day. She shared that she was celebrating Thanksgiving, Chandler Bing style, with some of the Moulin Rouge cast. 

"What the Hell is Thanksgiving, Chandler Bing style?" Chris asked, confused. 

"Damnit, watch friends, Christopher," Raina scolded teasingly. "Chandler Bing doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving. Because that was the day his parents told him that they were getting divorced. So, instead of all the turkey fixings and stuffing, we have grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup, and a family-size bag of Funyuns as an appetizer. We have lots of booze, so don't worry. Oh, and pumpkin cheesecake. Good times, right."

Chris only laughed. "You're living the dream. I don't think what Ma is making could compare."

"Just be sure to tell her to make her spaghetti for Christmas dinner. Or at least make a small pot of it just for me, okay."

"She's planning to, so don't worry. What are you watching? I hear gunfire," Chris enquired.

"I'm watching my husband, Tommy Shelby, shoot at the Italians," Raina informed as she watched Peaky Blinders. "I love Tommy Shelby. I tell you, Chris, if Tommy Shelby showed up at my door asking me to marry him, I would most likely say yes."

"Is that so."

"In a heartbeat. Sorry, hon, but Tommy Shelby, the things I would let him do to..."

"Thank God he is a fictional character," Chris interrupted. 

"Not in my dreams he isn't," Raina taunted.

"Okay, I'm hanging up now."

"Alright, I'll stop lusting after my fictional husband while I'm on the phone with you," said Raina and switched topics.

The two continued to talk until Chris was ordered into the kitchen by his mother. It was his turn to help.

Chris was chopping carrots and celery when his mother asked how Raina was doing. 

"She is doing fine. Raina wishes she could be here."

However, Lisa could tell something was bothering Chris. He could never hide his emotions from her. "What's the matter, Christopher?"

Chris continued to chop the vegetables until he stopped to look at his mother. "I didn't expect being away from Raina would be this hard, Ma."

"Of course it is. You love Raina," Lisa stated as she continued cooking. 

"I do. But in the past, I had girlfriends who I loved and had to do long-distance," Chris explained. "None of those worked out."

"Because you weren't truly in love with them," Lisa pointed out. "Don't compare what you have with Rain to your past relationships. Every relationship is different. What you and Raina have now is not something you have experienced before, which is real love. True love. Everyone always knew that you two would end up together, except you and Raina. You both are so cute but also clueless at times. You both will get through this. The work commitments will die down. You both will be reunited. Everything will be fine."

Chris took in what his mother was saying. He knew she was right. He had things to look forward to beginning the start of the new year.

"Raina is the first person I dated, well since Jessica at least, that I have really begun to think about marriage and kids. Part of me is scared because it's all so fast. We have only started dating back in mid-July. I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to scare her off. I don't want her to get bored of me," Chris confessed honestly. 

It was heartbreaking for Lisa to hear. She gestured for Chris to sit down at the kitchen table. "You need to stop, Chris. You are allowing your anxiety to get the best of you. Just take a deep breath, okay," she instructed her oldest son. "Raina will never get bored of you. She loves you very much. Don't think about the past; only focus on the future. You and Raina will be fine. More than fine. Yes, there will be hard times, along with good times. It is normal for every functional relationship. You can't have the good without the bad, the sad without the happy, the ups and the downs. The universe needs balance."

"Okay, Oprah," Chris joked. "I get what you're saying."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, I do, Ma."

"Good. Now get back to chopping," Lisa ordered, and Chris went back to cutting vegetables for Thanksgiving dinner. 

[thevividgreenmoss]

I'm in Pakistan right now...I haven't been anywhere further away than Toronto since like. The last time I was Here I guess lmao. I turned nine shortly before heading back to the US bawling the entire way home cause I missed everyone/thing already and perhaps also cause one of those little kid premonitions was telling me that I wasn't gonna come back for almost 18 years...everyone else in my family's been at least once since then but work or school or whatever always kept me from going until last year when my mom and I literally had a ticket for march 13 to go for a couple of weeks which was like the exact week shit really sunk in re: covid and obviously that put an end to that lmao and now a year later I'm here totally out of the blue because of my grandpa's health issues and my aunt being overwhelmed with caring for him and hospital visits and everything else like less than ideal circumstances and I feel like crying constantly like I was overjoyed to see him again but my heart is breaking at the pain he's in from his surgery and I'm terrified of what the results of the one remaining major biopsy that supposedly are gonna be ready next week might be...he gave me shit for gaining weight like immediately lmfao but when he visited a few years back he gave me shit for being too skinny so it evens out I guess? Idk lmao I was looking through his library and it's odd and nice and sad seeing the overlaps with mine some right down to the same exact edition and cover and everything like we have the same version of Kafka's collected shorts and John Cheever's too. He's been living with my aunt's family for the past several years in a town on the outskirts of Islamabad that I've never been to and his old house in Lahore that I spent the first few years of my life in before we moved to the US to join my dad who'd returned to Texas shortly before I was born is gone or sold not gone but idk it makes this trip feel even more like one to a place I've never been before although that would've inevitably have been the case no matter the particular circumstances I suppose. One of those cliched dogs vs cats things people bandy about is that dogs get attached to people while cats get attached to places but it's not true at all like cats absolutely connect, to both people (and other animals, plants, etc) and places (and dogs are probably just relatively directionally challenged which like whom amongst us, they're gifted in other ways) and those don't constitute two separate connections but inseparably interwoven aspects of a whole like I don't dare presume to know the inner workings of any cat's mind but like I've seen the way even the most curmudgeonly cat acts when the people it's used to having around are gone for a long time or when they return and to me it seems indistinguishable from longing and despondency provoked by the absence of a presence that matters to you / giddy playful excitement at the return of the one(s) you've been missing like cats miss people when they're away, even when the cats themselves have been in the exact same place with their feeding routines etc unbroken they miss people when they're gone and are relieved and excited in their own way when the people they were missing return. I have a reflexive irreverence if not outright antagonism towards patriotisms of any kind but I've still always fallen head over heels for Places in the way I think most people must not because of any fetishisation of nation or family or ethnicity or anything like that but because of the people, and cats and dogs and birds and trees and the rhythms and routines and sounds and smells and and accumulated sensual experiences and recollections that continually breathe life and death and renewal into any given spot on the earth and turn it into a Place with which you're connected in a process similar to and bound together with the process that can turn random people that you happen to have found yourself sharing a place with into someone you love. I really don't want my grandpa to die. Obviously. And I don't want him to be in any more pain and I

keep feeling overwhelmed by this useless regret at how little time we ever really got to spend together like who the fuck knows what'll happen like he's almost 90 and could live for a other twenty years like who knows but whatever the timeline is we all have to go at some point but it all feels even more unbearable when distance and time apart have shaped your lives together to such an inordinate degree like when you're separated by an ocean and thousands of miles most of your relationship is going to be comprised of just missing each other and even so I know I can't even fathom how much I'll miss him when he actually is gone, let alone how much my mom or any of the other five kids he raised by himself will miss him. And since I was barely more than a toddler I've carried this stupid inconsolable sense of first page of to the lighthouse-ass loss with me over seemingly everything, and it's always looming threatening to corrode your ability to live and experience the precious, rudely finite moments you have before any impending or imagined actual loss has even taken place. Before I even left I began feeling homesick for fucking Dallas which I fucking hate and have desperately wanted to leave for good for years but despite that I feel sad and lost and displaced I miss the neighborhood creek I take walks around and the ducks in the creek and meeting the weed man and hearing new pieces of his elaborate spiritual/conspiratorial/[uncategorizable] theories and the wildflowers that had just started to really bloom everywhere (s/o Lady Bird Johnson iG), my friend's new puppy that's only eight weeks old and will have grown so much by the time I see her again even though it's only a month but they grow so quickly at this age and I feel myself wanting to be back in Dallas just to be able to be near any of it again but at the same time I don't want to be away from where I am right now and already dread the departure that will inevitably, no matter the particulars, be processed, the way everything is, as the traumatic and irreplaceable loss of something precious beyond comprehension

[soft-thrills]

For your prompt request Scully is never stung by the bee, and actually transfers to Utah. After being separated for about a year, their reunion is... I love angst. So if they argue and fight before making up in bed, all the better.

This prompt is LITERALLY 190 days old but............... I wrote it! @ultimatexffan, I hope you see it and I hope you like it. It accidentally wound up crazy long, but here we are. 

Apologies -- it’s not beta read, and I’m a little wine-drunk. But I’m back to writing fic, maybe?! 

Title: Welcome Home

Rating: 18+, but for me, it’s pretty tame.

“no matter where you sleep tonight

or how far you run

oh, she’s the one”

-bruce springsteen, “she’s the one”

*

In the hallway, he waited for her to come to her senses. When it was clear she wouldn’t, he waited for something to interrupt them -- to interrupt her, to stop her from leaving. When that didn’t happen, he kissed her. And she kissed him back, soft and sweet and sad. 

And then, Dana Scully repeated herself: “I gotta go.”

He wanted to say: “I love you.” But he was afraid she’d think he was only saying it to keep her here.

“Go,” he said, not a command, but more as a question, like he’d never heard the word before, like he couldn’t understand, because, well, he couldn’t. 

But she went. He watched as she walked down the hallway. She didn’t glance back in his direction. A week later, she was on the other side of their big, mysterious, malevolent country.

*

He found cases that took him to Utah. She found reasons not to see him. She just had to do this autopsy hours away from Salt Lake City. She was visiting her mom that week, how unlucky. She was in San Diego with her brother. 

Diana tried to join him on the X-Files. He found reasons not to let her. Diana tried to join him in bed, too. Sometimes, he ran out of reasons not to let her. 

A year went by. Then, after a basketball game at the gym, he pulled his cellphone out of the locker to see that she'd left him a voicemail.

“Um, hi, Mulder, it’s me. I mean, it’s Scully. I… I’m in DC. I wanted to see if you can meet for a drink tonight. Sorry for the short notice -- no pressure, if you have plans, or… I’d love to see you. Ok. Bye.”

He had felt fine after the basketball game. But suddenly, he was winded.

*

He asked her to come to a bar near his apartment. Testing her, maybe. Wishful thinking, maybe. But she said yes.

He got there early, with a plan to nurse a beer and get a booth with a view of the door and wait for her. But as he walked in the door he remembered his partner was a detail-oriented overachiever and she, somehow, had managed to arrive even earlier than he had, despite him living four minutes away from this bar.

There were two beers on the table in front of her.

“Hey,” she said, simply, like the last year never happened. “First round is on me.”

*

She looked the same, with more freckles, probably from the Utah sun. She doesn’t look a year older. Her hair is a little bit longer than it was when he put his hand at the base of her neck and kissed her in the hallway. Maybe an inch. She was dressed like she’s been at work, even though it was a Saturday.

“So, Agent Scully, master pathologist of the western desert, what brings you back to the swamp?”

“Officially? I am seeking a transfer back to DC, and my chances look pretty good now that the fallout from the bombing has died down.”

His heart thudded in his chest.

“Unofficially?” he asked, taking her bait. 

“Unofficially,” she paused, took a sip, the kind of sip you take when you’re going to admit something. “Unofficially, I missed you, Mulder.”

He grinned.

“I missed you, too.”

*

They had another beer. And another. A shot of tequila. It was Saturday, what was the harm. Diana called him four times. He didn’t answer. Scully didn’t pry. 

“Do you wanna go back to my place?” he asked, determined this time to say the things he wanted to, whatever she thought of them.

“Is it still as messy as a frat house?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Then yes,” she replied.

*

It was not frat-house messy, it was lonely-FBI-agent messy, but he didn’t want to argue.

Which is funny, because within five minutes of crossing his threshold, they were arguing.

“So why come back now, Scully? Something happen in Utah?”

“No,” she said, nursing a beer he had pulled out of the fridge. “I never wanted to leave, Mulder. I was ordered to. I saw my first opportunity to come back and I’m taking it.”

That’s a great answer, he thought to himself, except for it not making sense. They were sitting on the couch, and the television was playing Plan Nine from Outerspace on mute. 

“It seemed like you wanted to leave,” he said, unable to let it go, to not dissect what the fuck had happened here, which really is supposed to be the pathologist’s job.

“I wanted to remain gainfully employed and in possession of my service weapon, that much is true.”

“You didn’t say goodbye. You wouldn’t see me when I was out west. You acted like — like it was nothing, no big deal, to leave.”

“Mulder —”

“Why didn’t you fight for it, Scully? If you didn’t want to go.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said, and that’s where things went south.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t. Because I wouldn’t have left the X-Files. I wouldn't have left you.”

Her eyes grew wide and it took him a couple seconds to realize it was anger he saw in them. 

“Mulder, maybe you wouldn’t have left the X-Files, but leaving me was practically a hobby for you,” she said, and he could tell there was more than just a year’s worth of anger behind the words, that this was something she’d been angry about even before that Dallas office building had been blown to bits.

“I don’t understand —”

“I meant what I told you in the hallway, Mulder — that I’d been holding you back. But I meant it because your behavior had led me to believe it, to believe that you didn’t need me. And maybe it hit me harder when I realized I wasn’t your first partner on the X-Files — but that I was the first that wasn’t always on your side. And it made me wonder if that’s why sometimes I’d get left behind, or be out of the loop, or feel like no matter what I gave up, you didn’t see me as having an equal stake in our work.”

“Scully, I meant what I told you — I did need you. I do need you. You are on my side,” he insisted.

She ignored that point, working her way back around to his last one.

“You’re right, Mulder, that I didn’t fight it after the transfer came down. But the truth is, when the time came, you didn’t fight for me. How long can you fight to be somewhere you’re not sure you’re wanted?”

Want. Want. What does he want? He wants the same thing he wanted in that hallway. 

“I wanted you Scully. Then. And I want you now.”

“You don’t have to do this. I’ve already decided to come back to our work, because I owe it to myself and what I’ve lost—”

“I’m not talking about work, Scully,” he said, voice low and deliberate. “Don’t you remember what happened in that hallway? Because I replay it every damn day.”

She nodded.

“What about Diana?” she asked.

“She’s not on The X-Files.”

“I’m not talking about work,” she parroted his line back. “She’s got a toiletry bag in your bathroom. Her initials are monogrammed on it.”

His Scully, noticing everything, taking her little notes.

“It’s nothing. It’s over. It was over the minute I got your voicemail.”

He could tell she was thinking, deciding, but he suspected she had made her decision when she called him — when she made sure her hair was perfect and her neckline plunging and her lipstick routinely and carefully reapplied all night. She came back to claim more than just her job.

She was literally wringing her hands, restless, staring down at them. Finally she turned him, and despite her earlier anger, what he saw in that moment was wide-open vulnerability. 

“How do I know that you’re telling me the truth?”

Before he even knew what he was doing, he had closed the small distance between them and kissed her. Not like the hallway. A kiss to leave no room for doubt. A hand against her delicate cheek, the other wrapped in the soft hair at the base of her neck. Not a goodbye. A beginning. 

“Does that feel like a lie, Scully?”

She looked shocked, thrilled, wearing an open-mouthed smile that reminded him of their first case, when she’d laughed at him in the pouring rain. 

“I want to believe,” she quipped. 

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” he said, good naturedly, and the sound of her laughter filled the few seconds before their mouths connected again.

*

He scooped her into his arms and carried her toward his bedroom.

“I always thought it would be on the couch,” she said.

“Do you want me to turn around?” 

“I want you to fuck me. The specifics are not particularly important,” she said.

“Jesus Christ, Scully,” he said as he tossed her onto his bed.

“No point in pretending otherwise, Mulder. We’ve pretended long enough.”

He stared, slack-jawed, as she shucked off her jeans. He’d imagined sex with Scully many times, many ways, and he had not expected her to be shy. He had seen this woman grab criminals by the collar, wring the truth out of them. Still, he was struck by her boldness, felt cause to match her bravado.

“I spent every day in that basement office pretending, Scully. Pretending I didn’t want to bend your perfect little ass over my desk--”

“By the way, you’re getting me a desk,” she cut in.

“What did I tell you about shutting the fuck up?” he asked.

She grinned. “Make me.”

So he kissed her again. He felt her perfect, capable little hands in his hair. He reached under her lithe body and gripped her ass, the one he had just been talking about. 

He broke away from her only to pull his shirt over his head. She used the time to take hers off, and there she was, in just her bra and her underwear. Her fingers nimbly unfastened his button fly, then gripped the denim and his boxer briefs at once and pulled them down, down, down, until he was naked before her. 

Mulder had never felt so desired as he did in that moment, watching Scully as her eyes raked over every inch of his body.

“My turn to see you,” he said.

He unhooked her bra and pulled it away, slid her panties down, fingernails scratching gently along her legs. 

And there they were, naked, in his bed. And as usual, they started talking over each other.

“Can I touch you--”

“Mulder, touch me before I shoot you.”

He gripped her breasts, kissed her clavicle. She arched up into him. His fingers traveled lower, lower, dared to dip between her legs, where she was so wet and so soft and so warm. Scully, his Scully. A day ago, he thought he might never see her again. Now, she was in his bed. 

“I’m sorry I ever let you think I didn’t want you, Scully.”

“Show me,” she said. “Show me that you do.”

He slid inside her then, one thrust, and she cried out, and so did he. 

They stared at one another, a little in awe. Happy. After all that had happened, despite all that would happen in the future, in that moment they were just happy.

“I’m really glad you came home, Scully,” he said.

“Me too.”

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, clyde edition 

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: Clyde Ephraim Aarons  2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? I was named after Bonnie & Clyde. My parents were police officers at the time. And Ephraim means ‘being fruitful’. I’m not really sure why my parents gave me that speficic name 3. Do you have any nicknames? Not that I know of. Other than in bed.  4. Where were you born? And in which country? Holmes Chapel, United Kingdom 5. What is your date of birth? May 5, 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? My zodiac sign is Taurus 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Not really. It does not make any sense to me?  8. Where do you live? Violet Springs, United Kingdom 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live together with my wife and dogs. We have our own apartment 10. Do you have any siblings? No, I’m an only child 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? I do not have any allergies  12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? My wife has a couple of dogs 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? The reason why I applied is because I’d like to persue a career in performing and making music. I love standing infront of a crowd and sharing my passion and story with others, through songs  14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? I was accepted after 1 round  15. What is the current course you’re following? Music. Focused on songwriting 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? Maybe acting? Acting would be pretty interesting?  17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? Fine Line. Especially Treat People With Kindness 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? Soraya’s latest album, Romance is one of my favorites. Or also Holy by Dallas, such a beautiful song and raw 19. Do you like FanCons? I absolutely love ‘em 20. What do you like about FanCons? Personal interactions with fans  21. What don’t you like about FanCons? Since there are so many of them, I’m not able to meet them all. So, it upsets me that some fans are not able to meet their idols  22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. When I gave away tour tickets to some of the fans. An act of my love towards them  23. Your favorite event so far? I love all the events. The ones that are a bit weird to me are the ones where you have to switch partners? I’m very loyal and to me, it’s odd  24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? More fundraising concerts 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? Definitely! 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? Ambitious, steady and loving. I think? 27. What are you negative traits? I think that one of my negative traits that I can be over-protective in some kind of way 28. What would other people describe you as? Ask the others? I have no idea 29. What are your pet peeves? People who think that / I / talk slow 30. What makes you happy? Happiness  31. What makes you upset? Bringing up past experiences  32. What is something you love? Performing. Besides my wife, it’s my biggest love and I really don’t want to be do doing anything else 33. What is something you dislike? Disloyalty. Or being vague 34. What are you strengths? How much I’ve grown the last year? I’ve grown a lot and I consider myself strong in any kind of aspect  35. What are you weaknesses? Opening up too much and being scared that people will leave me. I’ve been left alone many times before  36. A misconception people often think of you? That I’m probably still a d*ck 37. Do you have any fears? Death scares me 38. What scares you the most? Death 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? Go for a jog or walk, write music, read a book 40. What is your MBTI? ENFP, I think?  41. How do you deal with stress? Talk to my wife about it. It helps a lot  42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? When I have to, yes. It’s important to think about yourself, no matter what others think in that moment  44. Would you like to be different? No. I’m very happy with who I am now 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Extrovert 

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself as pansexual 47. Current relationship status? I’m married to Poppy Murry, who is also now known as Aarons. We married in Hawaii in 2020. It’s a priveledge to be married to her  48. When was your first kiss? Probably around 12/13 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? No idea. Probably snuck out of the house and went to a party? For goodness sake.. 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? I have  51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) I currently am, and yes I have 52. If no, how so? n/a 53. How do you know when you’re in love? When home becomes a person 54. What would be your ideal date? It would be old-fashioned. I love exploring new places and get to know other cultures more 55. What is your perspective on marriage? From a married man’s perspective, it’s wonderful. However, my advice is to not rush into marriage. Divorce is awful. Only marry when the both of you a one hunderd percent commited  56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? Dom. Sometimes a switch 57. What do you think of relationships? When you find the right person, everything just clicks 58. What do you think of one-night stands? In my past, I used to see women a lot. However, now, I’m a loyal man. I don’t do that anymore 59. Are you still a virgin? No, I’m not 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Be yourself. Don’t put up a facade just to impress someone. Be you 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Commitment and equality. It’s important to, whenever you’re both have different views, to find a middle ground 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I love to show off Poppy. So, yes, I’d say that I’m comfortable with PDA 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? I’d a charmeur, of course I’m the one who asks you out 64. How do you express love to the other? In music and loyalty. All of my feelings are expressed into my songs. I’m pretty much an open book, nowadays  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Jennifer Anniston

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes, a lot 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? If I could rewind to my past and do things differently, I would. I have hurted a lot of people and thinking back to it, pains me. I’m sorry to all the ones that faced me and my troubled mind 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? What really happened on the night that my parents were taken from me 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? I’m not really a crier? If there is something on my mind, I don’t hold it back and I immediately go to my wife or father-in-law to talk about it 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: My time in One Direction is something I’m always grateful for 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Once again, my past 72. Someone you miss? Elliot. He’s my best friend. I miss my pal 73. Something you wish you could forget? Anything that happened in my first couple of years of St Judes  74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Poppy 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? It used to scare me. But surrounding myself with positive people has helped me a lot  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Losing a parent, or both of them  77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? Confidence, happiness and success. Something that I have lost? Attitude. Something I let go of during the past year? Not to worry so much what people think 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? No 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? Not really. I used to struggle with a pain killer addiction a couple of years ago, and also had anger / violence issues. I went to therpay for this and it’s been years since I’ve ever become so angry.  80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? Well, little Clyde, this is the start of a huge journey for you. Life isn’t going into the direction the way you want it to go and along the way, you lose the two biggest loves of your lifes, your parents, who will be taken from you during a robbery. You are going to find yourself in a deep and dark place that you won’t be able to get out of. Drugs will numb you. Alcohol will help. However, there are people who really care about you and no matter what, you’re going to be ok

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs 83. Beach or mountains? Both, I love both  84. Phone calls or texting? Texting  85. Have you ever skipped class? No

[vintagecoldcases]

The Disappearance of Etan Patz

Etan Kalil Patz, was born on October 9th, 1972 to Stanley and Julie Patz. His family lived in the SoHo neighbourhood of Lower Manhattan, New York. On the morning of May 25th, 1979, Etan walked two blocks from his home at 113 Prince Street to his bus stop at the crossroad of West Broadway and Prince Street before school. This was the first time he was ever allowed to walk alone. On this day, he was wearing a black “Future Flight Captain” pilot cap, a blue corduroy jacket, blue jeans, and blue sneakers with fluorescent stripes.

At school, his teacher noticed he had not shown up but had not reported the absence to the principal. Julie had called the police when she had noticed that Etan did not return home from school that day. Police suspicion was first turned on the Patzes, thinking they may have something to do with Etan’s disappearance but that was quickly overturned. Police began to search that evening with over 100 officers and a team of bloodhounds. This search continued for weeks and generated no leads, from even the missing children’s posters. Stanley was a photographer and had an array of portraits of Etan that were published on missing children’s posters and even shown in Times Square. Etan’s disappearance even started the missing children's movement. He was also one of the first children to have his photo displayed on a milk carton. Ronald Reagan also declared the anniversary of his disappearance, May 25th, in 1983 to be National Missing Children’s Day. His disappearance also played a role in founding the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children.

In 1985, after the case had been turned over to Assistant US Attorney General, Stuart R. GraBois, Jose Antonio Ramos was pointed as the primary suspect. Ramos was a convicted child predator who had been a friend of Etan’s former babysitter. Before this, in 1982, police were told by multiple boys that Ramos had been trying to lure them into a drainpipe in the area near where he lived. In 1990, GraBois was deputized as a deputy state attorney general in Pennsylvania. This was to help prosecute a case against Ramos for the sexual abuse ofyoung boys and to try to gather more information about Etan's case. When first questioned, Ramos stated that, on May 25th, 1979, he had abducted a young boy and taken him back to his apartment to rape him. Ramos said that he was "90 percent sure" it was Etan, due to the photos he’s seen on the tv. However, Ramos did not use Etan's name and only referred to him as “the boy on tv”. This made Ramos’ confession quite problematic since there was not a definitive link in the case. Ramos also claimed he had "put the boy on a subway" and that he had left him alive.

In 1991, while Ramos was incarcerated, an informant reclaims that Ramos bragged about knowing more about what happened to Etan. Ramos claimed he knew intimate details of Etan’s disappearance and even drew a map of Etan's school bus route, showing that he knew that Etan's bus stop was the third one on the route. This alerted police that Ramos was further involved in the case but with no substantial evidence, he could not be charged. Etan’s body was never found but he was declared legally dead in 2001. Julie and Stanley pursued and won a civil case against Ramos in 2004 where they were awarded $2 Million which they never collected. Ramos was never criminally prosecuted for the murder of Etan as there was no substantial evidence in order to do this. Every year, on Etan's birthday and the anniversary of his disappearance, Stan Patz would send Ramos a copy of his son's missing-child poster with the same message typed on the back, “What did you do to my little boy?". Ramos has adamantly denied that he killed Etan. Hedid serve a 20-year prison sentence in the State Correctional Institution in Dallas, Pennsylvania, for child molestation. He was released from prison on November 7, 2012. Soon after his release he was arrested on a Megan's Law violation.

On May 25th, 2010, Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Jr, officially reopened the Etan Patz case. On April 19, 2012, FBI and NYPD investigators began excavating the SoHo basement of a nearby neighbor of the Patzes at 127-B Prince Street. This residence had been newly refurbished shortly after Etan's disappearance in 1979. Before, the basement had been the workshop and storage space of a handyman. After a four-day search of the property, investigators announced that there was "nothing conclusive found."

On May 24, 2012, New York Police Commissioner, Raymond Kelly, announced that a man was in custody who had implicated himself in Etan's disappearance. A law enforcement official identified the man as 51-year-old, Pedro Hernandez of Maple Shade, New Jersey. Hernandez allegedly had confessed to strangling the child. He stated in his written confession to police, "I’m sorry, I choke him." According to a 2009 book written about the case, After Etan, Etan had a dollar and had told his parents he planned to buy a soda to drink with his lunch. At the time of Etan's disappearance, Hernandez was an 18-year-old convenience store worker in a neighborhood bodega. Hernandez said that he later threw Etan's remains into the garbage. Hernandez was charged with second-degree murder. According to a New York Times report from May 25, 2012, the police at that time had no physical evidence to corroborate his confession.

In 2012, Hernandez’s brother-in-law, Jose Lopez who hails from New Jersey, reached out to investigators stating he believed that Hernandez was in fact responsible for Etan's disappearance. Statements also collected from Hernandez's sister, Nina Hernandez, and Tomas Rivera, a leader of a Charismatic Christianity group at St. Anthony of Padua, a Roman Catholic church in Camden, New Jersey, indicated that Hernandez may have publicly confessed in the presence of fellow parishioners in the early 1980s to murdering Etan. Nina claimed that Etan’s murder was “an open family secret that Pedro had confessed in church.” A grand jury indicted Hernandez on November 14, 2012, on charges of second-degree murder and first-degree kidnapping. His lawyer has stated that Hernandez was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder, which included hallucinations. The lawyer has also stated that his client has a low IQ of around 70, which is "at the border of intellectual disability.”

After a long gruelling process of many years, Hernandez was found guilty of kidnapping and felony murder on February 14th, 2017. Hernandez’s sentencing hearing was scheduled for February 28, with Hernandez facing up to 25 years to life in prison. However, Hernandez's attorneys were granted a temporary delay so as to be able to challenge the verdict, and no new sentencing date was set. Finally on April 18th, 2017, Pedro Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole for 25 years.

[isconnormcdavidok]

I was tagged by both @caixxa and @thosedaysthatwill to give the last twenty opening sentences I’ve written

1. “It’s fucking cold out, a few weeks after Esa’s 15th birthday and he takes the cigarette Teuvo offers, they need to find somewhere to crouch for a little while, until the sun comes back up and there are neon lights up and down the street but most of them need to be buying or selling.” (You’re Not Allowed To Save Him)

2. “At this point in his life Kimmo should be old enough to ignore Sami Kapanen’s business suggestions, he helped him buy a goddamn Liiga team.” (This Is Holiness)

3. “Teuvo is as rigorous about his post game work out as Rod was back in the day and he’s sitting in his office, home game losses still smarting after all these years and Rod’s not surprised when his door opens, Teuvo walking in and Rod’s seen the pictures from when he was drafted, he’s gotten older and more solid but not much bigger.” (I Want The Guts And Glory)

4. “Given when the IIHF Hall of Fame induction happens, Kimmo knows Teuvo can’t accompany him.” (In The Biblical Sense and Sensibility)

5. “Esa is the first star of the game with a couple of assists and a goal on his stick and Tyler’s grinning because this means it’s Esa’s turn to pick and Tyler is positively gleeful when he says that.” (And Company Wants More)

6. “Teuvo’s been waiting for this, the weight of the gun in the pocket of his hoodie steadying as he walks towards Esa’s parents apartment.” (And Here’s The Tragedy)

7. “Mat’s fifteen when he has his first hit of Adderall, it kind of changes his life. Makes everything better in a way that vodka doesn’t.” (The Way You Leave A Mark)

8. “Eeli’s father had tried to sell him before, to drug dealers mostly and most of them pass but this one says he thinks the Russians would like him.” (Catch Me)

9. “Teuvo is waiting for Esa to get to his apartment for what feels like hours, he swears Esa does this on purpose, they see each other twice a season and then as much as they can over the summer and twice a season Esa drags his ass.” (Baby, lie with me a while, ‘cause we’ve got time to kill)

10. “It is 2:30 am and Sami is sitting in the back booth of the truck stop diner.” (We Can Fake It For The Airways)

11. “He shouldn’t do this.” (Put Them On Ice)

12. “The only reason the man tied to the chair is still alive is because he missed Sebastian almost entirely, grazing Sebastian’s arm and hitting Svech in the shoulder.” (Your Number One With A Bullet)

13. “The gang war between St. Louis and Dallas started years ago, before Jamie was in Dallas, long before Roope was in America but that doesn’t mean Roope isn’t familiar with it, Patrik had done jobs for Pietrangelo when they’d been desperate.” (Don’t Need To Be Saved)

14. “He doesn’t mean to find it.” (Put Your Ear To The Speaker)

15. “Kari Lehtonen is a dangerous man, the former slave had earned his freedom through savvy business deals and clever accounting and these days he ran a high price brothel near the Coliseum, the kind of place the trainees can’t afford but Jamie makes an impressive purse with every game he wins.” (Let The Games Begin)

16. “It’s not Roope has a hair trigger per se.” (White Night Fantasy)

17. “Sebastian doesn’t know how to love.” (The Worse I Crave)

18. “Jamie is working when he gets the call, reviewing a dossier of documents on a drug deal when his latest phone rings.” (Knuckleduster)

19. “Jacob looms over him more often than not. Four inches and thirty pounds representing a lot of man when Elias is on his knees, the silky sensation of the blindfold against his eyes and the cool air on his bare skin.” (Waiting Tied And Bound)

20. “Miro exhales, the stolen gun heavy in his hoodie pocket, and he walks in to seedy strip club, the bright neon lights shining, it’s right around closing time and no one other than employees should be there.” (I’m Ready For What You Give)

There’s an interesting combination of run on sentences and one short sentence but they all just throw you right into the world of the story

And I tag @peppersandcats

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#36)

5x13, the series finale i have heard nothing but good things about - I made it y’all! *wipes tear* this is a show i will definitely rewatch! It definitely feels like the kind of show that’s so layered that every time you go back you’ll pick up something new. I love shows like that.

i haven’t been on tumblr on my computer in a long time but im gonna go through and add “read more”s to all of these recaps! 

(thanks to anyone who read these nonsense recaps! if you enjoyed these...in addition to my currently-on-hiatus riverdale podcast @bodysuitsforbughead, I have another teen drama-centered podcast in the works, follow @LeftyTeenDrama on Twitter and @leftistteendrama on Instagram to get updates when it launches! I’m taking a break on working on it till i move but it’s gonna be a big part of my 2021 projects. I’ve already recorded one episode with two of my favorite people in the world and it’s gonna be amazing. It will be about a variety of teen dramas, but FNL will definitely be included.)

and without further ado, my final FNL ramblings under the cut:

And we open with one last montage of shots around Dillon from a car, with a “Christmas in Texas” song playing. Amazing. 

Oh wow, I love the “FIVE DAYS TILL THE CHAMPIONSHIP” vibe. The build-up is already here. A shot of Julie in the stands watching practice! 

It’s super uncomfortable that people are talking to Vince about his “future teammates” on the Panthers before the post-season is even over.  “I don’t really wanan talk about that. I want to talk about how the East Dillon Lions are gonna win State.” “Is that a promise?” These Texas sports journalists are WILD. this is a teenage boy whose school’s funding just got cut right before the biggest game of his life! Can we have some sympathy?!

“I hear they’re taking the cream of the crop for the Superteam so I’m gonna be honest with you, what are you gonna do?” EXCUSE ME SIR? I repeat, TEENAGE BOY. Tinker’s response of “you’re an asshole” and storming away was more than appropriate!!!

“No comment”ing his way out of there like a champ.

Ah, the age-old tradition of decorating a Christmas tree while arguing about a five-year football coach contract in Dillon or a dean of admissions job offer at a prestigious Philadelphia college. Julie’s just sitting there with Gracie like ooooh boy 

“Here is where we put our tree, not Philadelphia! It’s a Texas tree.” OMG STOP IT. Lol Julie putting her hands over her ears.

YAY MATT SARACEN IS AT THE DOOOOORRRRR im so excited

Wow I did not expect this proposal to come that quickly into the episode! Like i knew it was coming in this episode but aw. They’re so soft! Just like, oh i’ve been thinking about you nonstop since our perfect Chicago tryst and oh look here’s grandma’s ring let me casually get down on one knee in the town where we fell in love. And after she was just talking about how much she misses Matt to Tyra the episode before? That “yes” she gave feels so certain because of it. Aw.

The grandma’s ring really fucks me up because you know how close Julie and Grandma Saracen have gotten over the years. My heart!

“Oh my God, your dad must’ve flipped.” “...What do you mean?” OH NO Eric Taylor is totally the type to care. “...When you asked him to marry me.” Oh I knew this proposal was too early in the episode, im dying!

“You need to go man to man.” Ugh Julie i liked Matt’s plan of just going and telling them much better. His look of fear when he repeats “man to man.” dead. 

Wow no theme song??? That’s how you know it’s gonna be a long series finale!

Andddd here we are, a bickering Riggins “I may or may not be going to Alaska.” “Is it because you raw dogged Tyra last night?” i literally gasped.

LMAO Mindy trying to say Tim and Tyra are incest now that Mindy and Billy are married and then Tim and Billy immediately being like “nope, no blood lines, that’s not how incest works.” Someone should send that memo to all those anti bughead stans about bughead and falice

“What do you think about me taking Stevie for the day?” “I’m fine with that. There’s no going back, I’m going to get the bag.” LOL Mindy spoken like a true parent also YES to Tim and Stevie spending time together.

Poor Jess not realizing that asking Eric if she can follow him to the Panthers is a much bigger question than she thinks se’s asking.

AWW Tim and Stevie at Grandma Collette’s. How cute. 

“Seven’s back in town?” “Yeah, he and Julie got engaged!” 

Tim/Tyra and Matt/Julie double date?? Aw I love that Tyra knows that Matt and Julie got engaged. I really love Tyra and Julie’s friendship. 

I’m laughing really hard at Matt’s speech to Eric trying to ask permission. This is so funny. 

Eric’s like, “is this kid serious rn?” 

Not to be that northern bitch but don’t kids get married at 18/19 all the fucking time in Texas?? I feel like it’s more common in even more rural parts of like...any state.

“The answer to your question is gonna be no today, it’s gonna be no tomorrow, and it’s gonna be no until the sun burns out.” LMAO wow i didn’t see this coming

“This was really just a courtesy, we were hoping for your blessing.” YES MATT.

OH BOY Eric did not just try to speak FOR his daughter, im not about it. “My daughter’s answer to you is ‘no.’” That’s some patriarchal shit right there.

“We’ll never know if we’re East Coast people if we don’t try it!” “We have a MUCH BIGGER problem.” Dude, it’s Matt Saracen, the softest boy who has loved your daughter for years, i actually think the fundamental decision of where you and Tami continue your future might be slightly more pressing. 

“I don’t know why you’re yelling at me! I think we agree on this!” IM SCREAMINGGGG 

Aw, Tami getting teary-eyed at Grandma Saracen’s ring. “It’s just, y’all are so young.” I know but this is a TV show universe so we let teen marriage slide for the right couples, ok. 

Tami and Eric wanna take Matt and Julie to A CONVERSATION DINNER??? This is gonna be so funny. 

Aw, Vince got his dad a ticket to state? “I want you to be there.” if this fucker doesn’t just come and shut his mouth

Oh wow Becky’s mom is finally coming back? And yay Becky’s finally over her Tim crush. “So friends?” “I say family.” AWWW MY HEART.

“You guys were our age when you got married.” ARE YOU SERIOUS? “It was a different time.” Y’all have no leg to stand on here.

“Marriage requires maturity.” Says the man who won’t let his wife take a huge job offer. What, who said that? (Okay the way Tami’s watching Eric give this speech about compromise, thinking she’s thinking the same thing.)

“You guys got married when you were my age, and how many times did you move? How many different things you’ve gone through and look how you’ve made it work. You guys are my inspiration.” AW. I wish my parents had a stable enough marriage to be able to say that LOL but nope.

OH NO poor Tami getting up from the table because she’s emotional! Because she’s clearly always thought of her marriage that way too but maybe not lately AH

Eric, babe, that’s your cue to follow. 

Oh shit, Jess’s family is moving to Dallas? Well, damn.

Eric saw Vince not take a ticket for his dad and came to his watering hole to hand deliver it? “Young man gets a chance like that maybe once in a lifetime.” and mic drop, walk away.

Luke casuaklly meeting Becky’s mom for the first time while coming by to try to win Becky back. “I love you. I’m so sorry.” AWWW. growth!

YES cheers to Matt and Julie! “Here’s to Mr. and Mrs. Saracen.”

“Always thought you’d be the first person to say that.” AW

Yes halfway through college, go Tyra!

Awwww, Matt being like “let’s dance” and pulling Julie up. So cute. Yes, Tim asking Tyra to dance. 

“I got plans.” “I don’t.” OMG is Tim saying he’ll just follow Tyra? Damn.

Why tf is Buddy calling Eric first thing in the morning to tell him about Buddy Jr.’s cast and “staying here el permanente” and GETTING HIM TO SIGN A CONTRACT BEFORE THE GAME? Y’all are shady as fuck!

I love that seeing the Braemore papers made him stop, tell Buddy off, and not make a decision in that moment. What’s gonna happen???

“I won’t be a part of your Superteam after all.” Hopefully Eric won’t be either! Aw Jess thanking him “for the greatest experience of his life.” “I think it’s been mine too.” AW.

Eric’s gonna give a coach in Dallas a good word for Jess? So beautiful. Yesss!

AW Julie and Matt decorating the Saracen Christmas tree, and Grandma trying to get Julie to wear her old wedding dress!

Emotional at this hug between Julie and Mrs. Saracen. “I love you.” “I love you too.”

Awww Vince finally being glad that Jess is part of the team...at the moment when it’s about to end.

Yess Tyra and Tim picnicking on the land? 

And YES to Tyra going into politics, I could see it! “Along the lines of Mrs. T. Except bigger.” YES GURL.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was five years old.” AWWW that is so precious. 

“I’m gonna build a house exactly where we’re sitting. I’m gonna get a job. And I’m never gonna do anything illegal for the rest of my life.” Oh, Tim. my heart!!!

“Maybe one day, our dreams can merge together.” THAT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. What more does one really want? Oh, these beautiful life-filled shots of them drinking beer on the land where Tim wants to build a house. Art!

Oh shit, Eric’s racing to get to Santa in time to be there with Tami and Gracie?! “You scared me half to death. What’s going on?” 

“I turned the contract down. It’s your turn. I want to go to Philadelphia. Will you take me to Philadelphia with you, please?” YESSSSSSSSSSSSS what they deserve! What Tami deserves!!!! My heart!!!!

Ugh, the imagery as they get to State is amazing. The boys taking in the field, the players suited up praying and getting in the zone beforehand. The screaming in the stands waiting for them.

“You may never know how proud I am of you.” “You changed my life, coach.” AW.

Eric’s pre-game prayer overlaying the image of the Lions bursting out onto the field! Yes yes yes!

The way they slowed everything down with just music, and focused in on the faces of so many characters - Vince’s dad showing up, Eric and Tami saluting one another from stand to sideline, Becky cheering in the stands excitedly for Luke, Matt and Julie holding each other, Buddy on the sidelines screaming, Vince’s mom jumping up and down - just absolute perfection. 

And we’re back in, with actual in-scene sound at 26-21 with 3 seconds left on the clock??? Jesus!

AH and every single character watching the football fly in the air, WOW the DRAMA.

Holy shit, they fast-forwarded to one of Eric’s players in Philly catching a football eight months later in Philly??? THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD. WOW.

Tami looks like such a badass strutting around campus!

YES Tinker is on the Panthers! Take that, bullying reporter! 

Aw, the East Dillon Lions sign coming down. :( feels.

Nooo Luke don’t go to the military! Noooo I hate that. Poor Becky. They’re the exact type of couple who gets caught up in that really sad cycle - too poor to really have many other options, so the whole “free college when i get out!” thing starts to look really attractive. smh.

But i love how they used the championship ring he gave Becky as a way to signal that the East Dillon Lions did, indeed, win the state championship eight months earlier...and that Jess is wearing the ring on the sidelines of a new field where she’s working with the coaches! amazing!

Yay Matt and Julie live in Matt’s beautiful Chicago apartment? Perfection. They really look so good in that city together. 

New beginnings in a new city together for both Tami and Eric AND Matt and Julie? I’m living! It’s what they deserve!

Tim and Billy building Tim’s house and drinking beers! “Texas forever.” “Texas forever.” MY HEART.

“Clear eyes, full hearts.” SILENCE. “Ah, we’ll deal with that later.” LOL

Yesss Tami coming out to meet Eric on the field!!!

“Ready to go home?” “Yeah, let’s go.”

And the lights go off on the field. End show. AMAZING. Truly, an epic series finale! An epic show! I will definitely rewatch and i am so glad i finally did! Thanks to anyone who gave a shit about my ramblings.

[caixxa]

6, 8, 9, 12, 13, 18, 20 (Rod, I want to encourage you to write him).

Please feel free to do or skip ask you please, I picked a lot.

Ooh so many! I want to answer all :) This gets so long that they’re under the break

6. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I don’t think I have anything that has stopped there, i.e. I have wanted to write it and tried but it just hasn’t worked. It’s always been more like I have given up trying to write the idea because there is never enough time to write everything (there is barely enough time to write the stuff that I do write).

But I do have something that falls here: The AU verse teekkaricaps, mainly 2018 Washington capitals as Finnish STEM students and the chat fics we created with @iltauinti ​ together or for each other. Some of it (in Finnish here) is just glorious stuff but I can’t wrap my head around how to translate it or parts of it to English. It would require either re-localizing the story to an American academic environment (which I’m not too familiar with) or writing some extensive primer/author’s notes to give the reader basics of the Finnish society and student culture and both thoughts are just exhausting.

(I have used some of the ideas from that AU in my caps fics Russian Techno and  I think I thought I saw you try.)

8: Answered. 

9. Favorite character to write?

Sebastian. It’s pretty obvious when you look at my works, I’d be lying if I tried to say it was someone else.

12. What WIPs do you have going now? Are you excited about them?

money shot is definitely the main one that I write actively with a goal of finishing it. I am excited but I’m also excited about the thought of getting rid of it, it has been a part of my life for over a year now.

Then I have two drafts that I have started and might finish. 

One is was just toying around the fact that there are so many Dallas-Carolina games scheduled this season, mainly super canon compliant smut in the lines of When the Night Comes Falling from the Sky, but I have to be in a specific loose fuckboy mood to write it further (and since it is set in this season... I don’t know if I will finish it while it is still relevant.)

The second is over a year old idea, folk/country musicians AU feat. Pekka, Juuse, Sebastian and a side character or two.

I like all of them but I’m not dying to be writing any of them right now which is a crucial mindset for creating fan content for me, so let’s see which of those will survive.

13. Are there any things that might have happened in any of your stories, but you changed them at the last minute? (So-and-so dies, they don’t actually kiss, main character has long extended ballet-based dream sequence, etc.)

One that instantly comes to mind: I ditched a whole chapter idea of money shot. I had it in my drafts with random notes and a few scribbled lines.

It was between the two newest ones, 29 and 30, Andrei and Sebastian getting back from the hotel where they spent the night with Rod. (And by the way, I changed a planned sex scene to cuddling in the end of chapter 29.)

They take a walk instead of calling a car, escape rain to a flower shop, and Andrei buys flowers to Sebastian, pretending they are a couple, and maybe upon paying he finds surprise money in his pocket because Rod has left them more than enough taxi money (which leads to some mixed feelings because the boys have had a brief conversation about sex work earlier). 

Andrei would also spot his mom and brother in a car in the passing traffic which would lead to some more mixed feelings, Andrei misses his family. THIS was what made me abandon the chapter, I reread some earlier chapters and noticed that Andrei had mentioned his brother in a very casual and carefree way and suddenly bringing him up as estranged would be too much a twist to the continuity. It should have been foreshadowed in some way.

I’m sure there are more but why mourn murdered darlings, forget them and go on :)

18. If you could go back and revise one of your older stories, which would it be?

I could do it any time and I have done it once, with Jussi at Jussi’s (in the brightness of my night) . I added some emotional conflict to raise the stakes for the relationship plot and I think it worked well. I could apply the same change to the Finnish version (Jussi Jussilla (eli Kalajoen hiekat) ) but I haven’t felt the need to do so, the finnish readers can check out the English language version anyway.

I don’t have any desire to do it to any other stories, let them be the children of their time.

20. Go nuts, and talk about writing. Or write me a little ficlet-whatsit using a character/image/line I shall now specify (Rod):

I will come back to this later!

I love writing Rod, thanks for giving me the opportunity, but I will have to let the thought marinate on the back of my mind for a bit to come up with a decent idea.

(Well, in my case, it will probably be indecent. Right now I’m thinking about the head coach making the new trade deadline addition bend over and be fucked to assert his dominance, which is, for a middle aged man, an embarrassingly juvenile and definitely very primal reaction to seeing another man flexing the build of his Big Body at the training center gym.)

Thank you for the ask! As you see, I can never talk too much about my writing.

[ofindcmitability]

( benjamin wadsworth, 18, he/him) welcome to san francisco, william bright. rumor has it they are a demon-darklighter, but only they could tell you the truth! when i close my eyes, i think of them and imagine scars, broken blades & bloody hands.

enter at your own risk, this is a long one folks. i considered condensing but i said fuck it haha sorry guys theres a tldr at the end thou dw

BACKSTORY.

tw rape, abuse, child abuse, child soldiers, murder, assasination, abduction, torture, grooming, violence, weapons, entrapment, death, sucide attempt

he was born from a negotiation between a darklighter and a demon. well, more like the demon’s father and the darklighter. the demon was called MEPHISTO. he hungered for power in all shapes and forms, fathering a cambion and trying to use her for his own means. his daughter, a cambion named LUCIANA, had too much of her mother’s heart in her. she was useless to him, at least until he found use for her. as a bargaining chip. the darklighter’s name was JACK. the man had been an ordinary human by the name of jack adler in the 16th century. he was chosen by a demon to become something darker. however, even with this new power granted to him, jack wanted more. and more was something he never stopped reaching for. 

jack wanted nothing more than his own army, and who better to be his soldiers than perfectly groomed children? so he made some. so many, all failures to him. the wrong species, he’d deem them. the wrong upbringing, the wrong strengths, the wrong EVERYTHING. in his hate for waiting, and sickness of failure, he started going after whoever he could. ( so yes, there’s lots of adler babies in the world. none of them to his standards but yeah. )

finally his mindset on a CAMBION. cambion, who were stronger than their demon counterparts. and a darklighter to boot? this child would be PERFECT. jack would even raise them himself, he decided. so after negotiations with mephisto, he took his daughter. he assaulted luciana, more than once. until finally, she got pregnant. 

luciana was at a crossroads. she wasn’t happy. but that wasn’t the child’s fault, none of it was. so, she decided, she would TRY and love them. her level of succession... varied.

a small boy was born, given the name XION. it was not luciana’s choice, but jack silenced any protest. luciana hated the name. it was the name of a blade, not a child. and that was what xion was groomed to be. trained to hurt, to maim, to kill, all before he even reached double digits in age. jack was relentless in his plan. he wanted this child to be PERFECTION. and in jack’s eyes, he was. a measly five-year-old with blood-stained hands. perfection.

xion didn’t know what was right and wrong, he wasn’t taught it. he was taught his to slice with a sword, how to choke someone, the best places to hit, and how to make someone feel pain like no other. he learned violence like one would abcs. it was something ingrained into him. he lacked the knowledge to know killing was bad. no one told him otherwise. luciana had tried to, once. when he was small and lacked understanding. but her voice was small, jack’s was loud. 

death was a normal part of life. to xion, it wasn’t just death that was normal. it was murder. murder he committed without looking back. xion had no idea the weight of a life. he simply obeyed his father’s orders without hesitation and continued on. he ate, he slept, and he obeyed. there was no room for likes, dislikes, wants or needs. he didn’t even know what he was missing. 

he was nine years old when things... changed. luciana had given up on him by then. seeing the child she bore as a monster rather than a little boy. it was easier for her that way, at least for her. it made it a bit harder when xion actually started questioning things. it began with a man, an old man. xion’s first victim to ever beg for his life. many never got the chance, or they’d attempt attacking xion. ( each target was handpicked by jack, of course. ) but this man, an old man. he cried. he begged for his life, he spoke of a child younger than xion, a child that apparently needed him. he was on his knees, shaking violently as tears rolled down his cheeks. begging and begging. and xion... hesitated. this was unlike anything he’d known before. it brought to the surface emotion he didn’t even understand. so, xion let him go. he didn’t understand why, he didn’t understand much of any of it. 

he knew his father was not one to confide in and his grandfather was hardly around as it was. so that left his mother. a woman who always kept her distance, who was cold at times. but never intentionally cruel. at least, not that he realized. he chased her down (no, it wasn’t easy. she didn’t want to be alone with him and he didn’t understand why.) but eventually, he was able to tell her. that he spared a man’s life. that he didn’t know WHY. that there was something wrong with him, obviously. luciana thought differently. instead of the anger he expected for his failure she... she put her arms around him. for a moment, he thought she was attacking him. but instead it was warm. it was a hug, his very first. 

she spoke with such kindness, such softness, such affection--- it was unlike anything xion ever knew. he wanted more of it. ( he’d never been loved before, he didn’t understand it but it felt so nice? ) he saw her smile and it made him feel something else unfamiliar. something... good. he made her smile and it made him feel good. it was kind of wonderous. in her burst of emotion, luciana decided he could be salvaged. he wasn’t a monster, he could be saved. she began going on about how they could leave jack, leave hell, leave everything behind--- even their names! she never liked xion, she proclaimed, she much better liked WILLIAM. with curious eyes, he agreed to her plan. he hungered for more of it, for more love and affection and warmth. 

a week, she had decided. she needed only a week to make preparations and then they would run like a week. a week, and then they were gone. well, luciana had been half right. she was gone in a week. on the day they were set to leave, xion couldn’t find the woman at all. and then there was his father, so smug... xion demanded the truth from him ( it was the first time he demanded anything.) and jack gave in. gloating, even. how luciana had deluded herself into thinking xion was any more than a weapon. how, maybe, she could have gotten away with it. if she hadn’t commissioned the witch to catch that spell. a spell to ensure jack couldn’t have any remaining children, to spare the world. jack hadn’t cared, he had xion. his perfect weapon.

his perfect weapon that attacked jack in that very moment. he dispatched with the boy easily, still only 9. scarring his down his eyes, and keen that he learns his lesson. xion, did not, in fact, learn his lesson. rather, he began to rebel. rebel was hardly even the word for his level of disobedience. refusing to even respond to the name xion ( in his head, he called himself WILLIAM, but jack needn’t know that ). 

3 years went by, with xion intent on escaping his father or fighting him at all opportunities. no longer was he the perfect weapon at jack’s hand, he was something far worse. angry, disobedient, without purpose. he hungered for those warm emotions his mother gave him, and when he couldn’t recreate them he settled on something far more burning. 

by the time the boy was 12 he riddled a number of scars, and unbridled fury. He wanted to find his mom. he was imbued with a goal. make sure his mother was alive, and once she was safe he’d kill his father and grandfather. simple. except… it really wasn’t.

it was nearing his 13th year when mephisto came back into the picture. angered at what jack had done to his daughter ( his possession ), mephisto arranged to set william free and to his mother. and finally, he felt it again, that warmth. his grandfather took him a asylum, a magical asylum. it was where his father had kept luciana and in the three previous years she’d been through what amounted to hell. her appearance alone was a drastic change, she looked so much older. so tired, so broken, exhausted by the simpleness of being. her hair was even whitening. and yet--- when her eyes landed on him she SMILED. 

before william could make a move toward her, there was commotion. hunters, in the asylum. he didn’t know if it was planned or coincidence, but the timing was all too perfect. one moment, his mother was smiling at him. the next, the door flew open. her eyes went black, and then there was a bullet between them. william ATTACKED the hunters, almost like a rabid animal. he was scarred across the face, but ultimately they hesitated to kill a child. rather, they knocked him out. 

he awoke in a cage with a devil’s trap upon it, keeping him locked within. the hunters were wary of the young boy, but ultimately unsure of what to do with him. they needed to decide if he was a menace to society or not. if he could be TRUSTED. so they did... tests. well, they called them tests. others would call them torture. william called them annoying (and to him, who been tortured properly the last three years, they were).

an ally of the hunters eventually came along. a young man by the name of DALLAN BRIGHT. it was around the time the hunters decided william was too dangerous, that he needed to be killed. now, you see, dallan didn’t exactly agree. and dallan (like his mother) was a cambion. so rather than arguing, he turned the hunters to stone and freed the young boy riddled with scars.

learning to trust dallan was something of a journey. he doubted it was permant, that dallan expected to become the guardian of a little hellion. and yet, together they remained. time went on, and something happened akin to bonding. will only thought akin because he had never bonded before. yet there dallan was, watching out for him in a way he had no idea what to do with. it was nice though. strengthened with time and action. when dallan proved time and time again he was trustworthy, and each time it shocked will. until eventually (maybe around the time he was 16) it stopped shocking him. because dallan was dallan and suddenly that meant something. 

due to moving around quite a bit with dallan, will never had a fixture of permanent schooling. rather he acquired data from time to time and did a lot of research on what could be considered normal. he lacks quite a bit of knowledge in some others, where others he’s practically a dictionary. 

APX SEASON 1.

his life changed in the form of a girl named lizzie saltzman. he was fiddling with a toy that made annoying sounds she wasn’t fond of. they talked and for the first time in his whole life, william felt interest, fondness. he was KEEN in getting to know the blonde girl who was undoubtedly one of a kind. the two met again, traded numbers, traded jabs and flirts. it was fun for them both, a spark to light up a whole home. however as she confessed to him her species a siphoner, will realized something vital. he happened to be a mass murderer, a former assassin, with kills over his belt extending past three digits. just because he wasn't that person anymore, didn’t mean lizzie shouldn’t know what she was talking into. he refused for a date until she knew more. then, she did. lizzie was a smart girl, she did her research. the two met at a library, ready to END IT ( before it even began). only for henchman of his father to attack. an altercation occurred, with the ultimate result of will sacrificing himself in order to ensure lizzie’s protection. will had been tortured for weeks, trying to reign him into submission. he had begged lizzie to let him go. she hadn’t listened. instead, she saved him. while he took to the mend, they spoke. they discussed. and their feelings were far too deep to let each other GO. it was beyond chemistry now, they were bonded together in ways they hadn’t with any other. eventually, the two went on their first date ( five guys ), they had their first kiss ( yes, there were fireworks between them ), among other things. they were a normal, healthy couple. at least until an incident occurred. lizzie’s life was put in jeopardy, and she confessed to him her dire situation of the merge. so, will proposed. it was a no brainer to him. if lizzie only had a few years left, a life sentence, if they didn’t find a way out of it— he wanted to spend every moment with her. she accepted, and they are officially ENGAGED. however, they made the decision to postpone the wedding itself for years to come. give them time to find a solution, and not to worry too much about it itself. only that bit has changed recently. done with the threat of jack looming above their heads, the two concocted a plan. a plan that went wayside. jack was banished to a prison world but lizzie DIED. or at least, will thought she did. his grief was painful, but upon learning she was alive--- well, things changed. the two made the decison to stop waiting for the wedding, they were happy and in love. they’re getting MARRIED. 

the next radical change to his life was somehow getting a best friend in the form of landon kirby. inspired by lizzie, will tried to be more social. this resulted in him meeting landon kirby. the guy was a bit nerdy, but later will found out he was too. there was no life changing situation that thrust them together, but rather, much like lizzie and himself— will and landon clicked. they hung out together, had fun, built an ease of a relationship. so much so, that will confessed to landon his past on his own accord. and landon, he accepted will without hesitation. it was landon who found will in the aftermath of lizzie’s ‘death’ and it was landon who talked him off the ledge. the two are kinda bonded for life tbh. 

NOTES / FUN FACTS:

for the longest time, william’s only goal had been to murder his father. that has changed in frequent time, however, if ever given the opportunity it wouldn’t be as easy he dreamed it. in fact, he’d probably struggle with killing jack due to the man being the single constant within his life and having such a power over him, even now.

meta on william halliwell & emotion.

nicole alfaro and arlo park are his half siblings and yep, will has no idea. 

TLDR: william used to be a weapon (assassin) his father jack. hella escaped and was semi adopted by dallan bright ( he is william bright now ). met lizzie saltzman, fell deeply in love, and is a kind of a hot mess but he’s trying. 

[sunflowercandie]

I was tagged by @atreefullofstars and @feral-anarchy ! Thank you guys!

1. Do you make your bed? Usually no, only after I clean my room or when I have company coming over. Other than that, to me, there really is no point I know I’m just going to mess is up again.

2. Favorite number? Number 10! 10 has been my favorite number since I was three, I think. Don’t ask me why it’s my favorite, I don’t really know I just like it a lot.

3. What’s your job? I’m a cashier at the local grocery store.

4. If I could would I go back to school? Absolutely not xD. Doing school work and having to sit for too long and tests and studying honestly freaks me out and gives me anxiety, despite the fact that I am in college. I would if I could relive the fun moments of middle school and high school, but the stress and depression and ptsd that comes with it is just not worth it.

5. Can you parallel park? Nope, i avoid it like the plague. I probably could be really good at it if I tried, but I know that if I do everyone is going to be watching me attempt to get into this tiny space and asdfghjhgfds and honestly its just better to find another spot, even if it’s two blocks away.

6. A job people would be surprised I had? I worked at a day care center for a summer in 2015.

7. Do you think aliens are real? Of course! What, do you really think that in our universe, with billions of different galaxies that are home to trillions of different planets, out of all of those our earth is the only one that has life on it’s surface? Yeah, right, sure xD

8. Can you drive a standard car? I’m not really sure what this means by ‘standard’ but if you mean automatic then yes, I can. But if you mean a stick-shift no I absolutely can not. My cousin gave me my first car, which was a Honda CR-V, but I couldn’t drive it because it had a stick-shift. I tried really hard to learn and get it down but I could just never figure it out. I was so sad when we had to sell the car for an automatic, mainly because it was a really nice car. It had a table! In the trunk! How many car’s do you know of that comes with a freaking table?

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? Sleeping 12+ hours. It’s a love hate relationship, really. Cause I can sleep for a really long time and it’s nice and I have crazy dreams and I catch up on some missed out sleep but suddenly it’s 3 pm and I’ve missed half the day and didn’t even wake up once. I could probably miss a whole day by sleeping if I tried hard enough. It’s both a blessing and a curse, and I secretly love and hate it.

10. Tattoos? I don’t have any tattoos yet, but I have a plan to have tattoos of outlines of tiny stars and constellations on my shoulders with invisible ink inside the stars that only show up in black light. I think that would be really cool, like “I hold the weight of the universe on my shoulders, but I can still find ways to shine bright despite dark circumstances.” I think a tattoo like that would describe me and my life perfectly. On the other hand, I also want to get a tattoo of like something really dumb hidden on my body and then to show a bestie one day and be like ‘look at this ehehehehe’ and then burst into laughter or smthn.

11. Favorite color? I remember fighting with my brother about this when I was like 3 or 4, that my favorite color was yellow, and he said it couldn’t be because that was his favorite color and we couldn’t have the same favorite color. So I caved and gave it to him and since then I could never figure it out. well guess what turns out he lied and blue has been his favorite color for like ever now SO GUESS WHAT YELLOW IS MY FAVORITE COLOR NO ONE CAN TAKE IT FROM ME LMAO

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? I ABSOLUTELY HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE NEGATIVE ALL THE TIME. I knew this one bitch in high school. I won’t get super into it, but basically the only thing that ever came out of that ugly moth of hers was shit about herself and how great she was (she was homophobic and racist and looked down on everyone may I add) or just straight up negativity. I don’t think I have ever heard her say something nice about someone or anything in the 7 years I went to school with her. She was such a negative person that it made me realize that I hate people who are negative all the time like??? I really don’t get how people can be so negative all the time??? I really can’t get through the day without making someone laugh it’ll physically hurt me if I don’t make someone’s day better and I can’t understand that some people don’t think that way.

13. Any phobias? I don’t get scared of pretty much anything. You can’t scare me, try your hardest, but you can’t xD. I love watching horror movies and going to the theater to see peoples reactions. I think the only thing that actually freaks me out is Greg Yates from the Law and Order SVU and Chicago Fire crossover. Dude fuckin freaks me out I literally can’t look at Dallas Robert’s face without cringing and i just asdfghjklsa i tried to fix it yo, I watched him in the walking dead (Milton Mamet) and Insatiable (Bob) but honestly it only made it worse. I just can’t do it. I see him and I recoil i just have to get far away. Other than that I don’t get scared of anything else.

14. Favorite childhood sport? Psshh, sports??? What are those??? Lmao

15. Do you talk to yourself? All the time, and they’re nothing wrong with that. 

16. What movie do you adore? I have lot’s of favorite movies that I love so Imma just list em. Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (This movie is just straight up my personality), Rise of the Guardians (my first ever fandom), Kung Fu Panda 2 (IT’S A GOOD MOVIE FIGHT ME ON IT), Kubo and the Two Strings, the IT movies.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? Not really? I am really good at solitaire and Mancala tho

18. Favorite type of music? I don’t really have a type of music I like best. If I listen to it and it makes me go ‘holy shit this is great I love this’ then that’s pretty much it... I did go through a huge dubstep phase in freshman year of high school but let’s not talk about that.

19. Tea or coffee? Neither xD yeah yeah I know how terrible but honestly both are just gross. I tried liking them but I just don’t. oops.

20. What’s the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? If I am correct, I wanted to be either a veterinarian or an ‘orphanage manager lady’ when I grew up. Obviously neither of those happened, now I’m aiming at something film related. 

Thank you guys for tagging me! This was really fun! I guess it’s my turn now so I’m tagging:

@lizard-15 @moonshadow-memes @readingisthenewcool @ezio-demonI don’t know who else to tag xD so partake if any of u wanna