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katytheinspiredworkaholic · 4 years ago

Text

WIP Wednesday

Untitled Fic (Correspondence)

Summary/Story So Far: HotchReid, slow burn, AU where Reid never joined the FBI, but got roped into consulting for the LA field office while working and teaching at CalTech. Hotch gets an email from a fellow agent, and they start to work on cases together - until they start talking on a regular basis. Regular becomes frequent, frequent becomes constant.

They have been dating for some time now, and while they had evolved from written correspondence to phone conversations, they still haven’t crossed those last few barriers. They still haven’t met. They still don’t know what they look like. But at this point it doesn’t matter, because they are already in love. They know they will meet, one day, and that's enough. But then the next step in their relationship is taken right out of their hands... once again, thanks to a case.

Official Posting Date: 04/03/2021

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (NSFW) (Part 5)

(Set in season 6/7, unbeta’d, first draft)

(sometimes I’m worried I’m giving too much of the good stuff away, but I’m also just too excited about it so here you go. Big milestone scene, or half of one anyway. Don’t worry about timelines yet, this takes place about halfway through the fic. It’s going to be a LONG story. This is a very, VERY rough draft just fyi)

The day Spencer sees Hotch the first time, is a complete accident.

He walks into the CalTech physics labs for his students, expecting to do the usual Monday rounds of checking on projects and thesis statements and arguments prepared for the Ph.D. board of directors -- and instead finds all of his doctorate students gathered around the projector screen where the news is being played twelve feet high.

“What’s going on?”

“There was another terrorist bombing in Dallas this morning,” Kimmy Li, his direct office assistant and teacher’s aide, tells him. Sitting cross-legged on top of her desk and holding tea that looks like it’s stone cold now. “They brought in homeland security and the FBI, and it’s all over national news now.”

“That’s where you’re from, isn’t it?” he asks, gentle and wary. When she nods worriedly, he leans against her desk with her and looks to the screen where the news reporter is summarizing the attacks once more.

Hotch is probably there. If they called in the FBI. He pulls out his phone to text him, ask him when he’s landing in Dallas, when Kimmy nudges his arm with her elbow and points to the screen. “Isn’t that your friend?”

He looks up and sure enough, there’s JJ. Her long blonde hair straight and professional, looking sharp in a dark brown pant suit and standing in front of about a dozen different outlet microphones. Her words are clear and concise, explaining a prepared press release he’s sure she wrote out in its entirety just on the flight from Quantico. Behind her is the Dallas police chief, and a few more agents all looking stern and very professional as well. He can only see an intimidating, dark-haired woman, a bald African-American man, and someone who he’s fairly certain is David Rossi.

“Yep, that’s JJ.”

“And is that David Rossi?”

“JJ is going to be doing a lot of explaining the next time we chat on the phone,” he says with a slight smirk. He didn’t even know the man was out of retirement, nor that he was now working with his long time friend. Spencer didn’t like to pry at her about her work or her team. She’d been bounced all over the past year or two, stolen by the pentagon and the State Department, only to be snatched right back by the FBI once more. He didn’t even know anything about her team, and hadn’t bothered to ask --

If he had, he would have asked her if she worked with Hotch a long time ago. But the BAU itself had grown exponentially the past few years. They had multiple teams all over the country, now, and more than one stationed in Quantico at the FBI federal headquarters. The odds were slim to none.

“We ask everyone here in the metropolitan area to remain vigilant, this team is very organized and we believe them to be a home-grown terrorist group. These kinds of groups blur racial and socio-economic lines. It could be anyone. We ask people to stay in their homes, avoid crowded areas, and to divert all traffic around the city instead of through it.”

“She looks good,” Kimmy smiles, a little red in her cheeks.

“She’s taken,” he stage-whispers to her. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“All the good ones are,” Kimmy mumbles, just as JJ looks to her left off screen.

“We will take questions in just a moment, but first our Unit Chief has a few words for the press and the group we are trying to find.” She steps aside, giving a small quirk of her mouth (not a smile, not after everyone that has died today) and makes room for a broad-shouldered, black haired man in a polished professional suit to take the podium. Smoothing his tie, mouth set in a thin line in his stern, authoritative face. Dark eyes, dark hair, dark lashes, the man commanded authority, and even Kimmy (who was gayer than a maypole) made a hum of appreciation.

Spencer smirked and couldn’t help but agree. Unfortunately, he was also taken.

Then, the man begins to speak.

“My name is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, and I’m addressing the leader of the terrorist group that attacked the Capitol building this morning.”

Spencer’s stomach drops to his shoes.

His mouth parts on a sharp, pained gasp.

And his ears ring like an air raid siren, but it doesn’t drown out the deep, familiar tones of the man on the screen.

The man who had whispered huskily into his ear two nights ago, who had wished him good morning last week when he’d just gotten back from a Florida case, who had told Spencer he loved him exactly nineteen days ago and rocked his world to his core.

Now Spencer was staring him in the face, twelve feet high, on a projector screen in front of all his students, and if he hadn’t been leaning against Kimmy’s desk he knows he would have fallen over.

Hotch.

“We have your demands. We know what you want. And you’re not getting them.”

There’s a collective gasp around the lab, and Spencer feels his jaw tighten because this was either a ploy that was going to try and draw the unsubs out into the open, or part of the demand to get the public against the FBI presence. Risky, either way, and he swallows hard as he listens to Hotch lay down the fucking law. Back straight, head high, unblinking and not showing an inch of emotion on his face.

And it’s so… very hot.

And he’s so… extremely handsome.

Spencer is fucked.

He watches the whole press conference, scared to blink and miss one millisecond, soaks up every word and facial tick and nuance he knows by heart in Hotch’s voice. But now he has facial expressions, dark eyes and a strong jaw, to match to it.

“Are you okay, Dr. Reid?” Kimmy asks him, when he finally blinks and realizes his eyes sting from staring so hard, and she looks distraught at her hometown being targeted so viciously. He should be comforting her, not the other way around.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine, I just… I know that team. Not just JJ. Could you,” he pauses, and can’t believe the words that are about to come out of his mouth. “Would you mind finding me a copy of that press conference and emailing it to me? I have some phone calls to make this morning, but I need to watch it again.”

Kimmy stares at him. Because Spencer never needs to rewatch or reread anything. He has an eidetic memory.

But he doesn’t explain himself, just awaits an answer and gives her a grimace of a smile when she nods still a little stunned. “Thanks, Kimmy. Let me know if you need anything.” And with an awkward pat on her shoulder, he bee-lines straight for his office and sits behind his desk. Head in his hands. Hotch’s eyes burned into his memory. His voice and his mouth and his jaw and his…everything.

He still has a half typed message in the text box. And he can’t even bring himself to complete it.

(tbc...)

#THIS IS JUST A SNIPPET #This is almost outline format for me but GOD I didn't want to wait until next week for it #I'm just building and building up the hype for this story #I hope if lives up to the expectations #but also it's just fun making moodboards for everything #THIS SATURDAY I'll get the masterpost set up so keep an eye out #But posting begins NEXT SATURDAY #Who's as ready as I am?#HotchReid #Heid #katyswriting

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whump-town · 4 years ago

Note

I need hotch whump. Dad rossi being a total dad and the team helping hotch through his deep seated emotional trauma. Just the team helping hotch be emotionally open and maybe some crying and him getting hugs n shit?? And if you can, at least 3k words cuz hes sad and needs to use his words

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

(Fair warning, I feel like I couldn’t get Hotch’s script right. He has a unique way that he speaks and I just feel like I missed that. I hope I didn’t drop the ball but I’ve been working on this non-stop so I’ve kinda passed a point in my ability to tell. Bonus, this fits really well for a fix-it for this post that I made that hurt everyone. You can find that post here)

Word count: 5,452

He can feel himself falling apart. His thoughts are more than often filled with deterioration and self-deprecating harm. He knows it’s getting worse but he excuses it. If he can rationalize his thoughts, condone them, and recognize them then there’s no need to ask for help.

Especially, when he doesn’t deserve it.

The breath is kicked from his lungs as he opens the file in front of him. He’d gotten the call from the Dallas police department that morning and fielded the consult to himself. Normally, this would be the type of case JJ would handle but as soon as he heard the victims were blonde’s in their thirties he couldn’t let the case go to her. Except, a very important factor had been left out.

They were all mothers.

He finds himself looking down at half a dozen women who all look too much like Haley.

Panic bubbles in his chest and a trembling hand pushes the case away. It’s not enough. He stands to his feet, leaning heavily on his desk to stop his knees from caving from beneath him. He’s paper left too long in the sun, warping. His print is no longer legible. His glue peeling away.

On the floor of his office, a step away from his desk, he falls to his knees. His breath is caught in his throat-- his tie an ever-tightening noose that leaves his mouth dry and his voice stuck. Logically, he can recognize his own symptoms. It’s a panic attack. Triggered because he’s never worked through his feelings. Never got over Haley. His incompetence.

His failure.

His brain can recognize that the pain in his chest shouldn’t kill him. His mind still draws the parallel to his own father. A chronic alcoholic who died in his office of a heart attack. An abuser. An asshole.

What was that the team had said about him?

JJ had called him a bully.

Reid said he was a narcissist.

The hurt in Emily’s eyes as she deduced he doesn’t trust women as much as men.

Morgan said he’s a drill sergeant.

So… maybe Hotch didn’t hit Jack. He’s never laid a hand on his son so he’s different from his father in that sole regard. He’s not a good father though. He’s not a good boss.

His team must loathe him.

Which means he’s not all that different from his father.

What does that leave? What does that make him besides a suit and tie? A terrified, sweat-soaked coward on an office floor.

And there’s no wonder that he’s never made the time to work through his problems. Who is to talk to? Haley had known of his father. Enough to leave that subject alone. Even when he sat bolt upright in their bed, lost to his youth spent outrunning the hands of his father. She’d comforted him enough to get him back to sleep, holding him to her chest but never inquiring. Never pushing.

The others have their own problems. Dave is a father without a son. Reid has a mother who’s taken care of for the better part of his whole life. Prentiss wants a child, a family so badly but she continues to have that torn from her grasp. JJ feels like she’s failed, Henry. Garcia is plagued by the images she sees daily. Morgan feels torn between his loyalty to this team and doing better for himself.

So when should he fit in that time for himself? When does he silence them to talk about himself?

His phone vibrates on his desk. It’s a low, hollow sound but it snaps him to attention. The kind of sound that he could not ignore any more than a cry of pain from Jack. A case, more than likely. Maybe even an email from the Director or Strauss requesting his presence.

His knees cave beneath him, a frustrated grunt leaving his mouth. He takes his fist and beats it into the carpet, hoping the pain that spikes up his arm will ground him. The world spins but he manages to stagger to his feet. Even if that means nearly losing his footing as the world dips suddenly. Curling that arm, pulling it protectively to his core, he manages to cross the room.

Except, there is no call to duty.

He’s greeted by a picture and an unknown number.

It’s a newborn baby in the lap of someone but the important detail is the hospital bracelet on picture taker’s wrist and the distinct newness of the baby. The sight invokes a pang in his chest, reminding him of when Jack was that small. A youth blind to injustice and death. Before Hotch had gone and messed it all up.

A moment later, his phone goes off again. A single line of text but he knows immediately what it means.

“Learning how to smile again... I hope you are too.”

Elle.

He's not sure if he’s meant to respond so he doesn’t. It does spark a certain flame in his lungs-- he wouldn’t call it a breath of life but for once the inhale his raged lungs pull in doesn’t hurt. He falls into his desk chair, cradling his phone in his hand.

“You know,” JJ’s voice breaks through the silence of his office. She steps into the room with that blatant disregard that most of the team has. A mutual understanding that he’s given them-- as long as his door isn’t shut, they’re free to come in.

As far as he sees, that openness is well understood by JJ, Morgan, and Garcia. He suspects their understanding comes from a creative source. A kind that Prentiss and Reid have taken their time in understanding.

He sees the way the two of them hesitate before knocking and announcing themselves. For what, he might ask if he did not already know the answer. The answer is on the tip of his tongue each morning as he shaves his face. It’s his last thought as he drifts off.

You don’t trust women as much as men.

“You’ve ruined me for all future employers.” JJ continues. Unaware of the fact that her audience is a bit lost.

I choose Aaron Hotchner. He’s a classic narcissist. He thinks he’s better than everyone else on the team.

JJ moves closer, her arms falling from their defensive place across her chest. She smiles, her eyes dancing between his. There’s a flash there, of what she’s uncertain but as soon as it’s there it’s gone. She sees the bone-tired, ragged look of his large frame and she wonders when the last time he got a good night’s sleep was.

“You--” Hotch’s eyebrow’s knit together as he stutters to put together what she’s said. “I--I ruined you?” His brain is still reeling from the panic attack. He’s too exhausted to put together whatever trivial meaning her words are meant to have.

JJ chuckles lightly, perhaps she should have opened that better. “You didn’t ruin me, literally,” she explains with a smile. Honest, she loves him like a brother but he can be as thick as mud sometimes. For someone who’s entire job revolves around understanding people, Hotch often misses the point.

Not that she minds explaining that to him.

“I mean,” she says, sitting herself down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. She pulls her legs underneath herself, not afraid to take the time to get comfortable. “You’re too kind. You give so much to this team that if you ever leave I’m not sure how any of us will function without you.”

He blanches. This seems out of left field to him.

She smiles at his reaction, reaching across his desk to squeeze his hand. “Hotch,” she reminds him softly, “yesterday you brought me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You made it for me because you knew I hadn’t taken a break.”

He can hardly understand how making someone a peanut butter and jelly sandwich constitutes a pat on the back. He does it all the time for Jack. When he was making JJ one yesterday he’d ended up making one for Reid and Prentiss as well. The two of them poking and badgering him until he’d relented.

“Bosses don’t do that,” JJ assures him. “Not normal ones anyway.” Sensing that he’s not really putting this together, she rises from her chair. Stepping into his personal space she can see just how awful he looks. With all the tenderness she can manage, she presses a kiss to his cheek. Encircling his shoulders in her arms, she realizes that he’s trembling. “I love and appreciate you and I’m just… None of them tell you how much you mean to us. I just want to make sure you remember that.”

It takes him a moment but he hugs her back. Where his body is stiff with tension, she’s warm and soft. He breaks for just a moment, allowing her words to warm his chest before resigning himself back to his darkness. To his self-hatred.

JJ gives his back a quick rub before pulling away. “You need to take a nap,” she informs him. “You look like shit.”

He smiles, mustering up all his energy into convincing her that he’s not on the knife’s edge of falling over into darkness. “I’m fine,” he assures her. Besides, he motions to the file on his desk. “I’ll get some coffee and finish this consult. Then I’ll go home.”

She looks at the file in question and decides to save him the trouble. She picks it up despite his anxiety-filled voice calling her name out. What she finds shocks her but not for the reason he’d thought. These women do look like her but their resemblance to Haley is… “Oh, Hotch…”

He can’t look at her. “They…” he clears his throat. “I didn’t want you to see it because I knew they were blonde and that kind of stuff really gets to you but--” He’s said too much. He’s admitting that he knows they look like Hailey. Maybe even that it bothered him as much as it’s bothering her.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” JJ whispers, her emotions getting the best of her. Of course, he looks like shit. He’d done something kind to spare her and ended up looking at dead mutilated women who look too much like Haley. “You’re too kind for your own good.” She tucks the file to her chest, where she knows he won’t make a quick grab for it.

“JJ…”

She shakes her head. “Go home. Go get coffee. Take a nap. I don’t care what you do but you are not getting this file back because I promise that whatever seeing these women will do to me is going to be less damaging than seeing them is to you.” She doesn’t spare him a second more before leaving his office. Leaving him to do what he pleases just not allowing that file to be one of them.

She turns in the doorway to his office, offering him a smile. “By the looks of you, I’d recommend taking that nap.”

He doesn’t but her words stick with him for days.

I love and appreciate you. It’s most unlike the voice in his head reminding him that he’s a bully. A narcissist.

When he goes to bed, arms wrapped around his chest and tears threatening to spill down his face… he thinks about those four simple words. His cheek stings where she’d kissed him and for a moment his chest burns again with an unfamiliar light.

He remembers these words over and over.

He starts to believe them but that doesn’t mean he changes.

Then a case sends him home. His hometown is hardly an hour away from Quantico. Standing in front of the team, his hands buried in his pockets to hide the way they tremble, he tells them they won’t need the jet or the GPS. He knows where they’re going.

He knows it too well.

Prentiss doesn’t start second-guessing her boss until he pulls off the main road. Reid will testify, he second-guessed Hotch the minute the man told them he didn’t need a map and turned the GPS off. Neither says anything but Hotch is still aware of the weight of their silence. He doesn’t feel comfortable offering them the reassurance that he knows where he’s going so he chooses to say nothing. The whole car opts to not comment on how it is that he knows where he’s going.

“Detective Carter!” Garcia is the first person out of the second car jammed packed with the other members of the team.

In the second car, there was a lot of aired criticism. Ninety-eight percent of which came from Morgan but upon pulling into the station, thirty minutes before the GPS estimated arrival time, he can’t complain. It does leave him curious. It’s not often they drive to crime scenes from Quantico but they never stray from the GPS.

“I’m Penelope,” she explains to the older man. It’s clear the detective is taken aback by the sight of Garcia but the old man just smiles and takes her hand. Kindly he smiles and Garcia only beams that much more. “These are the agents I told you about.” She turns back to the others, lined up like a kindergarten class rather than a ragtag group of highly trained professionals. “JJ, Dr. Reid, SSAs Prentiss, Rossi, Morgan, and our prestigious and very handsome leader-”

“Aaron?”

Prentiss had noticed Hotch’s hesitation the moment he put the car in park. He masterfully hid anything that might have given her a why but she’d still seen his stress become gradually more apartment as he got closer to the precinct.

“Jesus,” the detective shakes his head. He doesn’t give Hotch the opportunity to step away or even get a word out. The mood shifts as Hotch can’t hide the way he flinches as the man pulls him into a hug. “You were fifty pounds soaking wet the last time I saw you,” the detective admits.

Hotch can’t look at the detective and he can’t look at his team.

Mercifully, Prentiss calls out to the older man. “I hate to push here,” she lies, “I would like to get working as soon as possible. I’m not sure how many more dead girls I can stand to see.” There are a few mumbled responses from the team, all agreeing with Prentiss.

Hotch doesn’t notice. He stands in the spot the detective left him in. Eyes on the gravel, he’s struggling but he pushes it down. He has a job and the job has always come before physical comfort.

He hangs his head and he gets through the day knowing that he’ll be allotted his personal time in a hotel room soon enough. He can break down there.

And he does.

And then he has a nightmare that wakes up the entire team.

He’s shaking so badly when he finally opens his door that he can’t even play it off. They know.

“Let it out son,” Rossi whispers, holding Hotch tight to his chest. “It’s alright, it’s okay.” He rubs his hand down Hotch’s back. Something in his chest locking tight and stiff at the way Hotch melts, unable to even stand. Dave has always known, in one way or another, that Hotch’s childhood was a litany of things done wrong.

He’d seen the kid’s back, the crisscrossing pattern he’d only ever seen on dead people. Scars. Someone had hit Hotch so hard as a child to leave marks on his body into adulthood. If Dave had to guess, he’d say a belt. Given Hotch’s soft accent and tendencies, Dave knows he’d probably be right. Belts are loved by Southerners.

Beat the sin out of your children.

See if they ever come home.

Rossi looks at Hotch, the man struggling to pull himself back together. Sometimes they do come home and that’s worse.

“This place,” Hotch whispers, eyes falling to the carpet. “This town is…” His eyes move to the window on the adjacent wall. If the sun were up, he would be able to see the house he spent his youth in. The drive-way where his father bounced his head off the gravel for dropping a can of green beans. The window by the main door that his father broke smacking his mother against it. “It’s an awful place and I-- I will be glad when we’re able to leave it.”

Reid, of all people, is the first person to offer a condolence, a way out. He clears his throat, anxiously moving from foot to foot. “You could go back home,” he offers. “It’s not a long drive, you would be back with Jack before the sun even comes up.” Seeing that his idea isn’t being torn down but rather the others seem to agree this is actually a perfectly good solution, he continues. “You could work from the office with Garcia. We’ve all done it. I certainly wouldn’t think differently of you if you went home.”

Reid sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, stepping forward and sitting on the edge of Hotch’s bed. “This town gives me the heebie-jeebies, anyway.” His small shiver lightens something in Hotch’s chest because not even Hotch can twist the genius’s actions. Reid is being sincere and Hotch hasn’t messed up. They don’t hate him. They don’t think he’s weak.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Dave speaks up, shaking his head. “I feel it creeping into my bones.”

There seems to be a unanimous decision made in that immediate moment that no one’s going to push him. They’re not frustrated about being woken up in the middle of the night by his terrified screams. No one is going to force him to tell them about the detective.

They solve the case and rescue the last girl from the clutches of their UNSUB. This time, Detective Carter does his job. He doesn’t send an obviously beaten and abused boy back home to his father.

They save the girl the way no one ever saved Hotch but he doesn’t consider himself irreparable anymore.

He closes his eyes and remembers what it felt like when Dave held him.

Son.

I love and appreciate you.

I wouldn’t think differently of you.

He starts to feel loved and he’s so broken-- there’s something in his mind that just equates their affection for a need for him to be better-- he decides he has to prove he’s worth it.

JJ has formed a habit of squeezing his elbow when she passes him.

Rossi pulls him into one-armed hugs.

Reid brings him a coffee and smiles shyly when they pass one another in the halls.

But he can’t do anything right.

“Prentiss!”

He doesn’t clear the second room properly as they raid a house and all he can do is put himself between her and the danger. There’s only a split second to think about it. She’s a head shorter than him. So the shot that would take her head off hits him center mass.

There’s a sickening crack that rings through the room as he hits the wall behind them. His head bouncing off the wall. He doesn’t hear her cry his name out.

Prentiss’s hands shake but her own shot hits its mark. The UNSUB falls limply to the ground just as Hotch had. Despite every fiber of her wanting to double back and make sure Hotch isn’t dead, she moves forward. She can see her bullet embedded in the opposing wall. The hole in the UNSUB’s head is visible proof but she can’t walk away from him until she finds no pulse and moves his gun away.

“Agent down,” she calls shakily. Her knees almost give out from beneath her when she turns to see him.

All six feet of her boss is crumpled into a limp pile. His neck is bent, chin resting against his sternum. She can’t tell if he’s even breathing, the vest strapped to his chest swallows any movement that might or might not be there. “Hotch?” She calls, hoping that he'll stir. That he’ll make a noise or something.

She sees blood.

“Hotch is down,” she cries over the radio. “Hotch is down and we need medics.” She pulls at his tie, swallowing down her own need to cry. To sob as her friend’s blood covers her skin. “It’s a--a-” she pulls the tie around his neck free and the blood starts to flow twice as fast. “Fuck,” she places her hand over the wound. Her hot tears stinging her eyes. “It’s a neck wound.”

A death sentence.

She can feel his pulse against her palm. Each beat a little fainter than the last.

“Don’t you die,” she rasps. Her emotions are bubbling to the surface as her panic and adrenaline get worse. “Come on you stubborn bastard,” but her insults are laced with worry. “Hotch,” she pats his pale cheek. Attempting and failing to rouse him. On his cheek, her hand is left perfectly preserved by his crimson blood.

“Agent,” the medics come in. Someone puts a hand on her shoulder but she can’t pull away. She can’t let him bleed out. “Agent we’ve got it.”

I love and appreciate you.

Those words are the last thing Hotch thinks before his head hits the wall. He just has to hope she meant it.

“Hey.”

She has to wait days to wring him out. To give him a proper piece of her mind. They are supposed to be passed this. They did pass this a long time ago. Time and time again he’s proven that he does trust her. After Foyet, they’d become the semblance of friends. She considers him family.

Instead of offering him the immediate bitchfest he’s more than deserved, she offers him a passing-- “Hey, yourself.” Seeing him awake settles her but she has to be mad with him. She is mad with him. Even if she wants to hug him. He is her friend and she values him. It hurts to see him in pain.

After a moment, she looks up from the book she’s reading. Paying him just enough attention that she notices how uneasy he is. It makes her question her chosen silent treatment. It’s clearly not helping and the last thing she wants is to stress him out more. So she reaches between them and takes his hand. “You’re life isn’t less important than mine.”

Her words take him by surprise. She can see the words make their impact. His brows furrow in confusion but he doesn’t say anything. Not for a long moment. He’s stalling. “I didn’t say that,” is what he settles on.

She looks up at him and she’s disappointed. They’re profilers and he settles on deflection. She can’t say she’s surprised, he always chooses deflection. She’s just as stubborn as him though and she’s not afraid to push a little. “Your actions did.”

“Prentiss, I couldn’t--”

She lets go of his hand. For a moment, her anger gets the better of her. He gets the message and stops talking but the damage has been done. Of course, he’s not going to say that his life has less value than hers. He’s not stupid. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t think it.

“We’re partners, right?” She sits forward in the chair. “You trust me?” She already knows the answers. She knows everything he’s going to do.

Hie scowls and he opens his mouth before he shuts it. He shakes his head as he says, “of course.”

She reaches back out to him, taking his hand again. His fingers are cold, his body still not fully recovered from the blood transfusions he needed. She needs something like this to never occur again. “Then it’s your job,” she tells him. “To cover my ass when I mess up and it’s my job to cover yours.”

He doesn’t look at her. He can’t. He could have gotten her killed. Can’t she understand that? She should be furious at him for putting her life at risk. Not trying to go over protocol. He understands, though, that she’s trying to make a point so he nods his understanding.

“I trust you with my life,” she whispers, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Why don’t you trust yourself with it?”

She’s right of course. If there was time for him to step in the way, there was time for her to move out of the way. A thousand things could have happened and, in the end, his actions weren’t warranted. This hits his chest in a tight, painful bundle. He has to look away from her. Clenching his teeth against the tears threatening to sting his eyes.

“Hotch, you gave me a family.” She squeezes his fingers, feeling her own emotions bubbling right back to the surface. It’s out of character, she can recognize that but something happened in that house during the raid. Something she never wants to happen again. “You are a part of my family, whether you like that or not.”

He turns to look at her, his mouth unable to tell her that he knows and he does like it but that’s okay. They’ve always been able to understand passing glancing. He offers her a lopsided, forced smile when she rubs her thumb over his rough hands.

“I love you,” she says with a roll of her eyes because she’s Emily Prentiss and she can’t take herself seriously for too long. She stands from the chair at his side and knocks the back of her hand against his shoulder. “And,” she adds, “don’t take any bullets to the neck for me, alright? I’m starting to feel like I owe you.”

He nods his understanding, still not trusting his voice.

Just as JJ did, she presses a kiss to his cheek.

Prentiss feels pretty safe at that moment. He’s high as balls and she doubts he’s capable of anything more than a grumbled complaint.

He’s full of grumbled complaints but this time he doesn’t offer her one.

He doesn’t spare Morgan the same courtesy.

“Hotch,” Morgan manages, taking a deep breath to stop himself from losing his cool. “I love you, man. You know I do but if you don’t stand still--” Honest, Morgan’s seen Henry and Jack behave better. The soft corrector does the job though and Hotch lets Morgan shoulder some of his weight. Leaning into Morgan as they walk.

He knows he asked Hotch to lean into him. He said it would be okay but to feel the way Hotch trusts him, the way he stiffens in pain instead of masking it… Morgan has to clear his throat. “Hotch?”

Hotch is limping the whole way. Getting shot in the neck sucks but hitting a wall and breaking ribs isn’t any better. Through gritted teeth, he replies, “yes.”

“Don’t scare us like that again, alright?” Morgan keeps the pace going, forcing Hotch to keep moving even when he pauses as Morgan’s words take him by surprise. Morgan’s on a roll, though, and he’s got to get it off his chest. He can’t let Hotch think that Morgan wants this. “I can’t… This team…” it’s harder than he wants to admit. “I’m not ready to lead this team. I don’t… I don’t want to, man.”

Hotch remains silent. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say but he’s exhausted and he’s not sure he’s got it in him to tell Morgan that won’t happen. It might.

“We left you the couch,” Morgan changes the subject. He steers Hotch through the opening of the jet, forcing him in the direction of the couch. As soon as Hotch is seated, Morgan excuses himself. He ducks away, taking his own seat and putting his music on.

A proper distraction from the emotions burning his throat.

David Rossi knew the moment he met Aaron Hotchner that he would take the world by storm. Through the years, Rossi watched that rip him apart. Being unyielding and selfless is good in measure but too often Rossi found himself holding the younger man together. His hands interlaced over a bullet wound, holding him upright as his lungs rebel from smoke inhalation, and, on more than one occasion, watching him push himself past the point of no return.

David Rossi also knew Aaron Hotchner was going to be a problem child. Unlike the other interns, Hotch was married, had gone to law school, and had a successful career. A state attorney turned federal agent… Rossi was initially skeptical. He got a wise-crack, no-nonsense, hot-headed nerd dressed in mediocre suits but, Rosis had to hand it to him, the kid had spunk. So Rossi put in the time.

He trained a prodigy and he watched that prodigy fail and break.

But Hotch never quit.

Not after Gideon and the bomb that killed nearly their whole team.

The Fisher King and Elle Greenaway.

Tobias Hankle.

New York and Kate Joyner.

Strauss.

Foyet…

On the jet’s couch, some twenty-- hell, maybe thirty-- years after their initial meeting David Rossi is gently combing his fingers through that bull-headed new kid’s hair. His thoughts are actively drifting away. Back to times when he was the Unit Chief and Hotch was a lanky kid. Prone to accidents of spilled coffee stains on crisp white dress shirts and knocking files off his desk with his elbows. Dave and Jason had an ongoing joke that the poor kid should have come with a warning label sewed into the ass of his suits.

He cracks an eye open, aware of a shifting presence. Emily. He offers her a small smile, “anything I can help you with, bella?” His voice is deep, bothered with exhaustion, and tinged with an unsettled sadness.

But that’s all part of the job.

They get the bad guys and stop them from hurting people. Only, sometimes they become the hurt-- the victims.

Hotch just added his name to another serial killer’s list of victims. His name is starting to appear a lot these days.

Prentiss shakes her head. She’d been sitting on the other side of the jet and for a moment it occurred to her that from her vantage point she couldn’t tell if Hotch was breathing or not. Panic struck her center mass and she’d risen to her feet, clearing half the jet to get to him. To be close enough to see his chest is rising. To see if he's still breathing.

“I thought he wasn’t breathing,” she tells Rossi. “I just… it freaked me out.”

Rossi nods his understanding and shakes his head sympathetically, but not for Emily.

He’s not sure what Garcia has planned but he’d put money down on the fact that Hotch isn’t ready for it.

Hotch is not even through the glass doors at BAU when the sound of heels prefaces Penelope Garcia shouting down the hall. He takes a step back, glancing at the others in confusion as they chuckle. Like they know what’s about to happen. He moves back to the hall, nodding his head at a rapidly approaching Garcia.

“Sir!”

He raises an eyebrow, “Garcia.”

She comes to a stuttering halt, taking a deep breath as she steadies herself.

Something about it, he can’t explain it, strikes him as humorous. He shakes his head and smiles. Next thing he knows she’s thrown her arms around him. Hotch raises an eyebrow, his confusion not muffling the smile still spread across his face. “Whatever was that for?” He wouldn’t lie by stating the feelings he has at this moment are anything other than happily surprised.

Garcia’s smile is a twisted happy smile laced with sadness being overtaken. “You stopped smiling for so long, I-- It just made me so happy to see you happy.”

And he realizes she’s right.

He hasn’t smiled in a long time but… slowly, his team has wormed their way into breaking that.

Son.

I love and appreciate you.

I wouldn’t think differently of you.

You’re a part of my family.

I love you, man.

"Please, " Garcia says softly. "Don't ever do that again, okay? You scared me--" she sucks in a breath and it sounds so much like an approaching sob that he reaches out and pulls her back into a hug.

"I'll be more careful, " he promises. "No more close calls."

She squeezes him gently, aware of his ribs. "Good, " she whispers, "because I'm tired of losing people I love."

And he remembers that next time he sinks. He reminds himself constantly.

Aaron Hotchner is loved. He has a family to come home to. They need him.

And he doesn't always have to be the strong one.

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thusspakejasminefofazmine · 3 years ago

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Hey, Something has been wrong with my heart.

Maybe POTS? IDk, I was in the ER a week ago wrapped up like a sand person double N5 masked with cloth over it and a face sheild and swim goggles and more goggles on top with hair covered because

Partial vaccinated because my friend got if and was dead in hours of an anuerism and I have an anxiety/mental health dissorder. 😭😖

Im so ashamed! Please God forgive me🙏🏻

I deeply regret not getting it sooner. I understood the science and saw the math playing out. I’d been entirely isolated, never going out/having everything delivered and wiping down everything with med grade sterilizing wipes while taking care of my 2 year old alone even fully isolated from my wonderful husband who works at a busy dallas airport,

passing him food through a cracked window while masked. This has been going on over a year!

Finaly my reasoning overwhelms my sense of fear and I make an apt for vaccine.

Then, Two night befor vaccine apt something happens I cant explain. Waking up with uncontralable shivers all over. Idk what is happining? I dont have blood sugar problems but think maybe low? Drink juice feet in hot water. No fever. It goes away.

Next day it happens again. Wtf is going on. Gettjng worried.

Take a covid home test to be certain- negative. I havnt had exposure. But I’m paranoid.

It happens again- I wrap up with masks and everything I can and call an ambulance when my resting pulse is over 140 and I’m dizzy with pains

Mckinney Ambulance driver: you know Covid isnt real right? Me 😲. They say: your stable going is optional and you’ll wait!

I stay home.

Wednesday comes I get my shot 🙏🏻 and the asshole pharmacist at the walgreens at 1651 w university drive mckinney tx wouldnt put on a mask even after I asked. Its store policy! He never wears a mask and keeps his job and nobody says anything while he’s handling medications.

Whatever is happening to me is coming and going all the time now. Idk what it is. Its happening while I sleep. Pulse is crazy during during the day 160 pounding just walking between rooms

Now I cant take care of my toddler. Husband has to help me go to bathroom. He cant work.

Having chest pains! I put on all the masks and crap and grab my sanitizer and go to the ER they send me home with chest pains and said see a catdiologist asap. Ekg clear. While I’m there the Nurses and doctors Refuse to keep appropriate distance. Leave my room door open while pwople are outside sick I hooe 2 N95 and cloth on top will be enough

😓😭 wtf. They say if chest pains come back we’ll see you again.

Next day ER is at full capacity. feel like I’m dying racing heart chest pain. Another Self covid test is negative. I wrap up again and go to a care now people everywhere no masks looking at me like I’m crazy all wrapped up trying to keep safe. Ekg clear. Idk what to do. They give me antibiotics for maybe a uti?

Its friday Cardiologist cant se me till monday afternoon - every day and night i think i’m going to die. Pulse is insane. I sit and try to keep pulse down for the weekend. Its bad I’m vonstantly inches from ER

Monday finaly comes, I wrap up again like a person who wants to, you know not get covid! Cardiologist says clear ekg, whatever take a betablocker to help your anxiety. Me: this isnt anxiety! Doc 🙄 SUUUURE , look at how your wrapped up! Its just anxiety! HEART DOC IS NOT WEARING A MASK. People in waiting not required to mask.

At this poknt in tx All ICU’s and ER’s and childrens hospitals for 90 miles in any direction are overwhelmed. Clearly I’m in a twighlight zone episode.

I go home feeling hopeless. Still feel like I’m dying. I want to consult another doc befor taking this medicine they wont explain or talk to me about. Another horrible night. I talk to another doc- via telemed. Thank god no suiting up.

She says meds sounds appropriate even if no mask jerk doc wouldnt explain it to me.

I take it.

It gives some almost immediate releif to chest pain racing heart while I’m resting But its short lived. My condition is deteriorating. No appetite, nausea, diarrhea, still no positive covid.

I want answers. What the hell is happening to my heart?

I’m calling the cardiologist every day. They throw me a 24hour holter moniter to get me off their backs. But they Dont explain how I’m supposed to use it. I do it wrong! Oops our bad. 24 hours wasted. Lets do an echocardiagram that we should have done first -but we only do them on friday.😭

But lets up the frequency of the drugs. Me: ok I’m pretty sure its the only thing keeping me alive!

1 every 8 hours.

I can still barely function. I’m still afraid I’m going to die. I call my sister, I call my childhood best friend. We cry! Childhood friend says I love you I’ll leave tomorow be there in a day but I’m not vaccinated. 😭 sister says i’m vaccinated and I love you but I cant! Because its to dangerous there for my babies!

I understand.

Husband says I have to go back to work. I dont have a choice! We cant lose our car.

I need somone to sign fmla. I have no pcp.

We can get 2nd vaccines next week. 2 1/2 weeks to late.

They want me to stop taking the meds that are keeping me out of the ER to do a test to look at my heart valves.

Im so affraid.

IF YOU ARE NOT VACCINATED PLEASE GO GET VACCINATED NOW!!!

You are not safe no mater how isolated you are! Protect yourself and the community!

BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!

I love my family and my life. I’m scared.

All day I hear the ambulances up and down the street.

This morning they took a family member.

Humans out there

I’m so scared for our lives. Get vaccinated! And vaccinated or not, be a good human being and please Wear masks! Wash your hands! Use Sterile method! Its not to much! Do everything you can to fight this

Do everything you can to preserve life

DO IT BEFORE ITS TO LATE 🙏🏻💉🕊✌🏻

#texas covid cases #covid19 #anxiety #heart problems #mental health #get vaccinated #get vaxxed

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physicalfitnesscenter · 4 years ago

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With these tips and tricks, you can make the most out of your Fitness Classes Mockingbird.

#Group Fitness Program Dallas #Gym Dallas #Premier Gym Dallas #Workout Training Center Dallas #Gym Consulting Services

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fullpersonallama · 4 years ago

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Migraine is a medical condition that involves severe, recurring headaches and other symptoms. Before the headache, there may be sensory changes that are known as an aura.

A migraine episode is different from a headache unrelated to migraine. An episode usually occurs in stages and can last for several days. It can affect a person’s daily life, including their ability to work or study.

How migraine affects people can also vary. There is a range of triggers, severity, symptoms, and frequency. Some people have more than one episode each week, while others have them only occasionally.

In 2018, researchers found that more than 15% of adults in the United States had experienced a migraine episode or a severe headache within the last 3 months.

“The meninges that cover the brain are a fairly important location for headaches,” said Gregory Dussor, PhD, associate professor at the Center for Advanced Pain Studies within the University of Texas at Dallas. “We think that CGRP can, and should, work there.”

Sex differences continue to play a huge role in the presence of pain. (Source: 123RF)

CGRP Exposure and Sex Differences

Dr. Dussor noted a previous paper6 which showed that, when applied to the meninges of rats, CGRPs did not alter pain fibers. He and his team of researchers at the Center for Advanced Pain Studies at the University of Texas at Dallas set out to verify these findings and to challenge the notion that CGRP may trigger migraine pain in the meninges. While the previous study only involved male rats, Dr. Dussor’s team studied rodents of both sexes—a design change that led to an unexpected result.7

“The response to application of CGRP in the meninges of females and males is dramatically different,” said Dr. Dussor. “We got a very robust response in the female and essentially nothing in the male.”

During the headache: Alongside a mild to severe throbbing or pulsing headache, symptoms may include nausea, vomiting, and nasal congestion.

Resolution: Tiredness and irritability may last another 2 days, and this period is sometimes called the “migraine hangover.”

Other common features are:

• head pain that worsens during physical activity or straining

• an inability to perform regular activities due to pain

• increased sensitivity to light and sound that lying quietly in a darkened room relieves

Other symptoms may include sweating, temperature changes, a stomachache, and diarrhea

Migraine vs. headache

A migraine episode is different from a typical headache. The experience is different, and they can have different causes.

Keeping a diary of symptoms can help a person and their doctor identify a migraine episode. Keep the journal for at least 8 weeks, and record the following.

• the time that symptoms start

• possible triggers, such as stress or menstruation

• the nature of the headache

• any other symptoms

• how long symptoms last

• any noticeable indicators of migraine, such as aura

• any medications used and the effect that they had.

Risk factors

Anyone can develop migraine, but it is more common in people with any of the following:

• depression

• bipolar disorder

• fibromyalgia

• irritable bowel syndrome

• an overactive bladder

• sleep disorders

• obsessive-compulsive disorder

• anxiety

Other types

Other types of migraine include:

• Chronic migraine: This involves having an episode on more than 15 days per month.

• Menstrual migraine: This occurs in a pattern that follows the menstrual cycle.

• Hemiplegic migraine: This type causes temporary weakness on one side of the body.

• Abdominal migraine: This involves migraine episodes linking with irregular function in the gut and abdomen, often with nausea or vomiting. It mainly affects children under 14 years of age.

• Vestibular migraine: Severe vertigo is a symptom of this form of migraine.

• Basilar migraine: This rare type is also known as migraine with brainstem aura, and it can affect neurological functions, such as speech.

Anyone who may be experiencing migraine should consult a doctor.

Diagnosis

The International Headache Society recommend the “5, 4, 3, 2, 1” criteria to diagnose migraine without aura. This number series stands for:

• having five or more attacks, each with a duration of 4 hours to 3 days

• the headache having at least two of the following qualities:

– occurring on one side

– pulsating

– causing moderate-to-severe pain aggravated by activity

• having at least one additional symptom, such as:

– nausea

– vomiting

•

• Help Prevent Migraine - Proven to Reduce Migraine Days

Consider the basics:

1. Be consistent. Eat at about the same time every day.

2. Don't skip meals. Fasting increases the risk of migraines.

3. Keep a food journal. Keeping track of the foods you eat and when you experience migraines can help identify potential food triggers.

4. Avoid foods that trigger migraines.

Steps to Avoid Your Triggers

1. Watch what you eat and drink. If you get a headache, write down the foods and drinks you had before it started. If you see a pattern over time, stay away from that item.

2. Eat regularly. Don't skip meals.

3. Curb the caffeine. Too much, in any food or drink, can cause migraines. But cutting back suddenly may also cause them. So try to slowly ease off caffeine if it seems to be one of your headache triggers.

4. Be careful with exercise. Everyone needs regular physical activity. It's a key part of being healthy. But it can trigger headaches for some people. If you're one of them, you can still work out. Ask your doctor what would help.

5. Get regular shut-eye. If your sleep habits get thrown off, or if you're very tired, that can make a migraine more likely.

6. Downsize your stress. There are many ways to do it. You could exercise, meditate, pray, spend time with people you love, and do things you enjoy. If you can change some of the things that make you tense, set up a plan for that. Counseling and stress management classes are great to try, too. You can also look into biofeedback, where you learn how to influence certain things (like your heart rate and breathing) to calm down stress.

7. Keep up your energy. Eat on a regular schedule, and don't let yourself get dehydrated.

________________________________________

SUGGESTED

• Drink enough water

•stay calm.

________________________________________

What to Look for in Foods

These things are migraine triggers for some people:

• Foods that have tyramine in them, such as aged cheeses (like blue cheese or Parmesan), soy, smoked fish, and Chianti wine

• Alcohol, especially red wine

• Caffeine, which is in coffee, chocolate, tea, colas, and other sodas

• Foods made with nitrates, such as pepperoni, hot dogs, and lunchmeats

• Bread and other baked goods

• Dried fruits

• Potato chips

• Pizza, peanuts, and chicken livers.

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tabloidtoc · 4 years ago

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Globe, November 30

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: The palace lured Princess Diana into death trap

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Sienna Miller shooting Anatomy of a Scandal, former soap star Wanda De Jesus and longtime partner Jimmy Smits take a walk in Brentwood, Mama June Shannon gambles on plastic surgery

Page 3: Billy Dee Williams may walk with a cane but he doesn’t let that stop him from taking the wheel in West Hollywood, Joey Fatone at the Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival, Ariel Winter lugs around a massive roll of bubble wrap in L.A.

Page 4: Courageous Al Roker has battled health problems for years and now his new devastating prostate cancer diagnosis seals his rep as the unluckiest man on TV

* Patrick Duffy and Linda Purl are proof that love can be just as wonderful in your golden years and now pals predict their whirlwind romance will lead them to an elopement -- the former Dallas star was heartbroken after his wife of 43 years died of cancer in 2017 but Happy Days alum Linda brought joy back into his life -- the greying sweethearts plan to spend the holidays with both their families and then go house hunting for their own place

Page 5: Kanye West thinks he’s so smart and wonderful and creative he’s showering bucks on a project to make a posse of his own personal mini-mes and he sees his clones as his gift to the world claiming it’s his duty to keep himself on the planet at all costs long after he’s gone so death doesn’t have to be the end of Kanye -- Kanye’s wife Kim Kardashian has given Kanye permission to double down on himself -- he’s also fascinated by cryogenics and no one would be surprised if he arranges to have himself stored in a chamber when he dies so he can be revived years later

Page 6: Britney Spears is having another family feud because she wants her dad Jamie Spears suspended immediately from his role as co-conservator of her estate claiming he installed a new business manager to run her $60 million fortune without consulting his daughter in what she brands a blatant attempt to get full functional control of her assets and books and records in the face of Britney’s objections

* Ryan Seacrest is turning into a bloated recluse as career and personal problems have worried pals thinking about an intervention -- he’s so devastated by his breakup with Shayna Taylor and the end of cash cow Keeping Up with the Kardashians that he’s shutting himself away for days on end and ignoring calls from friends and co-workers and only responding to texts and he’s stuffing his face with junk food and sloppy takeout and pizzas and he’s come close to belching on camera a few times

Page 7: Devastated widow Paulina Porizkova who her bitter husband Ric Ocasek cut out of his will even though she took care of him in his final days suffered a shocking collapse -- she had gone to Costa Rica with her sons for a change of scenery following the death of Ric who was divorcing her -- she says she had a total nervous breakdown in the airport and they had to put her in a wheelchair to take her back to the plane

* Abby Lee Miller is learning to walking again -- the former Dance Moms star had been using a wheelchair after undergoing chemo for Burkitt lymphoma and having life-saving spinal surgery but she’s now cancer-free and recently underwent an elective operation to help regain mobility -- even though Lifetime canned her plan spinoff Abby’s Virtual Dance Off over charges she’s racist she claims to have a scripted show and two reality series in the works

Page 8: Mike Tyson says he once used a prosthetic penis loaded with his infant son’s pee to pass a drug test during his hard-hitting heyday in the ring and although he swears he never took performance-enhancing drugs he has been blunt about his history of toking weed and snorting cocaine

* Pioneer Woman Ree Drummond reveals she has a foster son named Jamar -- Ree who has four children explains she couldn’t talk about Jamar until he turned 18 and state agency restrictions no longer applied

Page 9: Beloved Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek went to his grave harboring a bitter grudge against talk star and game show rival Regis Philbin -- Alex and Regis began their feud in 2000 when Alex slammed Regis’ Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? as a game show for dummies and Regis was deeply hurt by the dig and shot back that face to face if Alex says anything about Millionaire he’d just look him in the eye and say is that your final answer, Alex?

Page 10: Inside the modern Mafia -- blogs and blunders and killer cops

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Adam Brody shows off his bod in Malibu (picture), Lamar Odom was seemingly back on a marriage track to wed fitness instructor Sabrina Parr next year but Lamar’s engagement was abruptly called off amid ominous sparks of ongoing trouble for the athlete and Sabrina sad she’s no longer able to be by Lamar’s side while he seeks the help he so desperately needs, Mina Starsiak of Good Bones wants a postpartum tummy tuck pronto, things got bristlier than an old broom for Anne Hathaway groveling her way out of massive fan backlash for her appearance on The Witches remake for the insensitive way she portrayed a three-fingered witch with split hands, behind the scenes at The Tonight Show where Jimmy Fallon recently extended his lucrative contract to host the struggling late-night talk show past 2021 but his head writer Rebecca Drysdale lasted six months of butting heads with Jimmy and his cronies before getting dumped

Page 13: Katie Holmes and boyfriend Emilio Vitolo Jr. (picture), Sean Stewart in a leg cast in Beverly Hills (picture), Busy Philipps puts on lip gloss on the NYC set of Girls5Eva (picture)

Page 14: Dave Grohl got scared stiff recording an upcoming album in an eerie L.A. home reportedly rocking with paranormal activity and when he got nosy about the place’s past he apparently got answers from the landlord along with an NDA form meant to keep him from spilling secrets, RHOBH star Kyle Richards’ half-sister Kathy Hilton is joining the show; socialite Kathy cold-shouldered Kyle and her husband Mauricio Umansky when he left her husband Rick Hilton’s real estate company to launch a rival biz

* Fashion Verdict -- Jana Kramer 7/10, Michelle Dockery 4/10, Gretta Monahan 3/10, Charlize Theron 2/10

Page 16: Ailing pop star Phil Collins is being so publicly humiliated by his two-timing ex-wife Orianne Cevey who dashed his dreams of a permanent reunion by secretly marrying another guy pals now fear for his life -- Phil is currently battling Orianne in court over his $38.6 million waterside Miami mansion which she and new husband Thomas Bates have now agreed to vacate but Orianne is demanding half of the home insisting Phil promised her a 50 percent share when they moved into it in 2016 -- Orianne also claims that Phil became a hopeless addict in 2017 hooked on booze and pain pills and after two years of drug hell he was incapable of having sex and he stopped showering and brushing his teeth and had become a hermit

Page 17: Troubled Jonathan Rhys Meyers crashed his car in Malibu and failed a field sobriety test and was slapped with a misdemeanor DUI

* Teresa Giudice has found new love with business man Louie Ruelas just two months after divorcing deported jailbird Joe Giudice -- the Real Housewives of New Jersey star who has four girls with Joe hooked up with the dad of two and digital marketing whiz and both are very happy

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About David Giuntoli

* Sophia Loren says early in her career she told a director to buzz off when he suggested she surgically alter her nose -- she recalls telling the meddling moviemakers her nose is going to stay there forever and it has a lot of personality

* Parkinson’s patient Michael J. Fox admits he may be forced to say goodbye to Hollywood because his short-term memory is shot and acting is getting tougher to do

Page 20: True Crime

Page 21: Desperate to salvage his tarnished reputation and career Johnny Depp is hoping to hook up with another Hollywood outcast in former co-star Angelina Jolie -- Johnny and Angie first flirted while filming The Tourist in 2010 but at the time Johnny was with Vanessa Paradis and Angie was with Brad Pitt -- Johnny recently reached out to Angie to jumpstart their friendship and he’s been sending her poems written with her in mind and suggestions for book to read and music to listen to and they’ve exchanged a series of emails and texts and talk on the phone quite a bit so Johnny has hope to win her heart and they’re making plans to meet in L.A. very soon but the ball is in Angie’s court and she’s open to having a little fun but don’t count on anything getting too serious

* Johnny Depp’s career has taken another hit as he’s been axed from the Fantastic Beasts film franchise after a British court determined he beat ex-wife Amber Heard at least a dozen times

Page 24: Cover Story -- Princess Diana was lured to her death by a twisted dirty tricks campaign orchestrated by the palace -- acting at the direction of Queen Elizabeth’s hard-case husband Prince Philip British intelligence officers mounted a clever operation to drive Prince Charles’ emotionally fragile wife to the breaking point and they knew she was frantic and suicidal and vulnerable and played on her worst fears -- Diana’s own brother Charles Spencer has also broken a 25-year silence to expose a plot against the People’s Princess and he reveals forged documents and a whisper campaign hinting at treacherous betrayals fueled her paranoia and desperation and despair and pushed her into a decision that ultimately cost her life

Page 26: Health Report

Page 30: Rock legend Jerry Lee Lewis vowed to keep wailing ‘til the end but the 85-year-old stroke victim now spends his days listening to his old hits and staring out the window and his health has taken a tragic turn for the worse since he was clobbered by the stroke last year -- he’s hunched over and seems confused and he’s forgetful and can’t remember some of the lyrics to his oldest hits; he tries to play the piano and just can’t because his hands are so stiff and don’t move the way he wants them to

* Mel B claims she’ll go bankrupt if a judge doesn’t lower the $500,000 she’s been ordered to pay her ex-husband and if the sum isn’t modified she will in all likelihood have to file for bankruptcy -- Mel and ex Stephen Belafonte divorced three years ago and have been slugging it out in court ever since

Page 44: Straight Talk -- lifestyle queen bees Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow are at each other’s throats but their furious feud is hard to understand because they’re not really in the same business -- Martha is the ultimate homemaker peddling recipes and furnishings and decorating tips while Gwyneth’s New Age-style Goop website is a sleazy sex shop with items normally found in tacky joints along West Hollywood’s sleazy Santa Monica Boulevard

Page 45: Sinead O’Connor is taking a break to enter a one-year trauma and addiction treatment program after losing a loved one and she admits she’s been addicted to weed for 34 years but became briefly addicted to another drug following her loss

* Sean Connery’s wealthy widow Micheline Roquebrune could end up behind bars and fined a whopping $28 million if convicted of stiffing the Spanish taxman -- the tax-cheat case spans back to 1999 when Sean sold their Marbella mansion on the glitzy Costa del Sol; Connery’s lawyer and the mayor of Marbella and six other elected officials were jailed over a tax-cheat scam involving the property but in 2014 Sean was told he wouldn’t be prosecuted but now Spanish bigwigs say the case has not gone away and want to indict his widow for tax fraud

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runninveggie-blog · 5 years ago

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Perinatal mood and anxiety disorder

I want to start by stating that I am not a blogger. AT. ALL. In fact, I hate to write. When I was in school, I’d much rather take a test or do a project for a grade then write a paper. I can’t spell, my grammar is not great, I don’t always know how to punctuate properly...But I think it is important for me to be as open as possible about what I’m going through right now in my life. So ( large sigh) here goes. Please don’t judge me.

For the second time in my life, I am suffering from postpartum depression (PPD). It is classified as a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMADs). According to the Mayo Clinic, PMADs are the number one complication of pregnancy and childbirth. Every 1 in 9 moms will suffer from some sort of PMAD during pregnancy or after childbirth. That’s a HUGE number! But for some reason, it still isn’t talked about ENOUGH. Yes, we as culture, talk about it more than we did 10 years ago, but for some reason for women, we feel like we’re not allowed to be sad. THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE! There have been many times that I’ve thought “I’d better smile and act like I’m happy so people don’t think I’m crazy and try to take my kids away from me.” I mean, how irrational is that?!?! Very....very irrational.

“I SHOULD BE HAPPY, I HAVE EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED” JESSIE BRUSH, 2019

Right after I had my son, Jack, who is now 3, I suffered from PPD and PPA (postpartum anxiety). I bonded with him when I was pregnant so intensely that I didn’t want anyone to hold him, or look at him, or touch him. I needed to be the sole caregiver of this child. Additionally, my labor and delivery were terrible with him. 25 hours of labor with 3 hours of pushing.... I truly didn’t think I could do it. I also had very high standards that he was going to be entirely breastfed (EFB). And for 3 weeks, he was....and for those three weeks, I was unsuccessful. And frankly, because I was such a failure, I wanted to die. It sounds harsh and extreme, but that is exactly how I felt. But death terrifies me, so I kept moving on. And I was miserable. Nothing brought me joy anymore. There are parts of his very young life that I don’t remember because it was too painful. I felt like I was failing and he didn’t need me since he could be fed with formula. I had hallucinations. I pictured myself driving off a VERY large bridge in my area, and one day I drove over to this bridge. Thank GOD I didn’t do anything because I would have missed out on so much joy and happiness. But at the time, I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. I finally talked to my doctor and she put me on some medications. I also went to a councilor (once... I couldn’t bring myself to talk about...well myself....). After a few months, I started to really get better and move past the sadness.

Fast forwards to pregnancy number 2. I suffered from depression almost my entire pregnancy, In my defense, I couldn’t eat. Like really....for a while there I was only able to drink water, and only if it had a REAL lemon in it, and strawberries 🍓 . Everything else made me throw up. I lost 20 pounds. I was mad about being so sick and I took it out on my unborn child. I didn’t feel like I loved them. And on top of that, we didn’t find out the gender, so I really didn’t feel like I could bond. Of course, I’m so happy now that we didn't’ find out the gender because hearing my husband tell me that we had a girl was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had in my life. My labor and delivery with Juliet was awesome. 8 hours of labor and 30 minutes of pushing. It was WONDERFUL! And on top of that, I got her to latch and breastfeed right away. Everything seemed to be smooth sailing. I knew that with Juliet, I wasn’t going to go back to work full time so I didn’t feel the pressure of that on my shoulders. Our breastfeeding journey hasn’t been easy though. I’ve gotten mastitis 3 times. Mastitis is terrible. It’s a painful, infected, clogged milk duct. It makes you feel like you’ve got the flu if the flu was in crack. But anyways....She latched well, but she wasn’t getting enough food to make her gain weight. My milk had come in, but she couldn’t empty the breast for some reason and she was so fussy. We thought she had acid reflux, which Jack had so I didn’t question it, but even after we put her on medication for that, nothing changed. I started to look stuff up and came across tongue and lip tie information and symptoms of that. She had every single one. I asked my lactation consultant to check her for it and sure enough, she had both. They were both reversed and we got back on track. She’s still tiny, but MUCH better.....but here I am...and I’m not.

At about 4 months postpartum, I realized that I wasn’t happy. And not like just blue every now and then, but deeply unhappy. I thought about it and I also realized that I had cried every single day that week. I pushed it out of my head thinking that it had just been a hard week and everything was fine. Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. I was driving my family to a wedding we were attending. Jacob was sleeping because he had worked the night before, Juliet was screaming (she was most likely hungry) and Jack was being Jack...I mean he’s 3 soooo he was being loud and not listening to me. A thought came to me, one that I don’t even want to repeat. But because I want to be fully honest with myself and others, I will “paraphrase” the thought. I thought about how my life would be so much easier with one child. And then I thought about how I would choose which child I’d keep. That’s really as far as I’m will to go with explaining that now, because right after and even right this very second, guilt washed over me. I thought “How can I call myself a mom if I’m having these horrific thoughts?” And at that moment, I wanted to die. Right then and there. I wanted my life to be over. I didn’t deserve these wonderful, amazing, beautiful children that I have been given to raise. I knew I couldn’t end my life right then because I wasn’t going to end my husband or children’s lives, but I knew I didn’t want to live anymore. So...heavy stuff...I may or may not be crying right now....ok so I am crying right now. Anyways, I had to pull myself together to attending this wedding and visit with family. I made it through that day without harming myself or my kids so I knew I could make it thought the rest of the weekend, which we were spending with my mom, dad, sister, and my sister’s girlfriend.

We got home and I called my doctor that day. And you can ask my husband, I’ll go like 3 weeks of being deathly sick without calling my doctor. I didn’t call her last time I was suffering from PPD, I just talked to her at my 6 weeks follow up appointment....anyways, I digress. Once I got home, I started to think about everything, I was trying to remember the last time I truly felt happy and I couldn’t think of it. I thought about at the outburst and RAGE I had, the constant crying (because it wasn’t just that week before the wedding, it was all the time), the anxiety, the fear. I knew then that it was a lot worse than I had thought. I texted my “ladies” chat, which consists of my mom, grandmother, and sister, to let them know what was going on. I didn’t go into much detail about it because I didn’t want to scare them, but my mom knew. She called me and asked me what was going on. I’m grateful for that. It got me talking. It got me really thinking and it got me set in the right direction to help it. I also talked to my husband. I told him that thought I had about our kids, and you know what...he didn’t leave. He didn’t take out kids and run. No, he laid beside me in our bed and let me cry. He never once made me feel like an unfit mother. I’m also grateful for that.

I’m trying HARD to find AT LEAST one positive thing to think about every day. It’s not easy when your brain is constantly telling you that you’re horrible and making you feel like total trash. And it's even more difficult on days like today when both kids are sick and you’re sleeping on the couch because your daughter can only sleep in the swing because she can’t lay flat....and let's be honest, I’m not sleeping....also a sign of PPD. But I still want to try and find the good in each day. I know there is some.

If you’re still reading now, thank you. I know it’s probably boring, but I do appreciate you stopping by. I hope to bring awarenesses to my issue, I hope that I can help someone who is also going through this. I hope to share some resources that I find to help those that need it too. I mean, I contacted the suicide lifeline the other night to get help. I wasn’t suicidal that night, but I knew I needed help and I didn’t know where to go. It was a great resource.

To end, I’ll leave you with this, actress Bryce Dallas Howard said “It is strange for me to recall what I was like at the time. I seemed to be suffering from emotional amnesia. I couldn’t genuinely cry or laugh, or be moved by anything. For the sake of those around me, including my son, I began showering again. In the second week, I let loose in the privacy of my bathroom, water flowing over me as I heaved uncontrollable sobs.” This is 100% how I feel. For me, it didn’t hit until a few weeks ago, but I can relate to this on a different level. Life for me is difficult right now. It's hard to get out of bed, but I’m hoping that if I’m open about it and I seek out the help I need, I’ll be able to live my life “normal” again. Also, please know that if you reach out to me and I don’t reply or I just say thank you, I’m not trying to be rude. I’m trying to heal. And one day I might text you to talk and that’s when I’m going to need you the most. I’ve come to realize that it’s ok to need help.

#Perinatal mood and anxiety disorder #Postpartumdepression #postpartum anxiety #PPD #PPA

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rejuvushealth · 5 years ago

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40 Professional Athletes That Have Done Stem Cell Treatment

New Post has been published on https://dallaspainaway.com/treatments/stem-cell-therapy/40-professional-athletes-that-have-done-stem-cell-treatment/

40 Professional Athletes That Have Done Stem Cell Treatment

Did You Know These Athletes Used Stem Cell Therapy?

Stem cell treatment is becoming more widely accepted by professional athletes seeking ways to get back to playing the games they so love and to extend their playing careers for as long as possible. Stem cell treatment is still been fine-tuned but is becoming more widely available and its potential benefits can really be a game-changer for medicine. The beauty of stem cell treatment is that is minimally invasive compared to traditional surgeries and has the potential to speed up the recovery process. Stem cell treatment was still in its infancy and does not have a large sample size of successful patients in many of the following cases. However, there are stem cell procedures that are FDA approved and now available to the public on a larger scale.

Although stem cell treatment is still been developed, several athletes have already used the breakthrough technology to treat injuries that they have sustained while playing professional sports. Here are 40 of the athletes that have used stem cell treatment:

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Jarvis Green (Denver Broncos)

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NFL Player Jarvis Green used stem cell treatment as early as 2010 for a recurring knee problem. Stem cells were extracted from his bone marrow and injected into his knee this treatment helped Green to recover from a longstanding knee injury that he had done two surgeries on, before using stem cell treatment.

Knowshon Moreno (Denver Broncos)

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Knowshon Moreno like his colleague Jarvis Green also did stem cell treatment on his knees in 2013. He also had a bad knee that impeded his ability to be as flexible and agile as he wanted to be on the field of play.

Sidney Rice (Seattle Seahawks)

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Sidney Rice took stem cell injections in his knees to treat damaged ligaments that he had sustained while playing. He did his treatment in Switzerland, unlike the previous two athletes who did theirs at home in the United States.

Hines Ward (Pittsburgh Steelers)

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Hines Ward was one of the first professional athletes who used stem cell treatment to reduce his recovery time. He did Joint Regeneration Therapy at Intermountain Stem Cell Facility for a knee collateral ligament sprain.

Adrian Clayborn (Atlanta Falcons)

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Adrian Clayborn did stem cell treatment on a torn medial collateral ligament in his left knee to speed up his recovery period after doing surgery on the said knee.

Jamaal Charles (Kansas City Chiefs)

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Jamaal Charles used stem cell treatment surgery in his recovery from knee ligament-repair surgery. Stem cells were extracted from his Bone marrow and injected into his knee to speed up the recovery process.

Rolando McClain (Oakland Raiders)

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Rolando McClain experienced chronic knee pain for two years before additional suffering an ankle sprain. He finally went to USA Precision Stem Cell clinic and had fat cells injected into his knee.

Aaron Curry (Oakland Raiders)

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Aaron Curry injured both his knees and did stem cell treatment on both which helped him to recover in a relatively short period.

Alex Rodriguez (New York Yankees)

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Alex Rodriguez did stem cell therapy on his knees in Germany to correct the damage that he had done to his knee. The treatment included the injection of a platelet-rich stem cell treatment been injected into his knee.

Josh Hamilton (Texas Rangers)

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Josh Hamilton had for a long while suffered from excessive swelling of his knees. He finally consulted noted Medical Practitioner Dr. James Andrews who injected a platelet-rich plasma injection into his knees to alleviate the swelling.

Takashi Saito (L.A. Dodgers)

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Takashi Saito did not want to risk a long term lay-off that might have ended his career if he did a traditional knee surgery. He instead did Stem cell Regeneration Therapy at the Intermountain Stem Cell facility.

Kobe Bryant (L.A. Lakers)

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The late great Kobe Bryant at one point in his career went to Germany and did stem cell treatment with Dr. Peter Wehling for a degenerative condition that affected his knees.

Pau Gasol (San Antonio Spurs)

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Paul Gasol took a stem cell injection in his knees in an effort to remove degenerated tissue without having to do surgery. This procedure was done by Dr. Steve Yoon at the Kerlan-Jobe Orthopedic Clinic.

Chris Johnson (New York Jets)

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Chris Johnson sustained a meniscus injury to his left knee and lost a lot of cartilage. He did stem cell therapy with Dr. James Andrews which resulted in speedier recovery from the knee injury.

Tiger Woods (Professional Golfer)

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Tiger Woods is one of the greatest golfers of all time underwent stem cell therapy in 2010 for a joint degenerative condition. His treatment involved the administering of platelet-rich injections.

Stephen Curry (Golden State Warriors)

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Stephen Curry suffered an MCL Muscle Sprain and consulted Dr. Russ Riggs of the Reflex Clinic in Tigard on the best possible stem cell treatments for the condition. Dr. Riggs recommended PRP injections which help to reduce the pain that Curry felt and reduced inflammation and shortened the recovery period.

Terrell Owens (Cincinnati Bengals)

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Terrell Owens went to South Korea to receive treatment for an ACL injury at the Chaum Anti-Ageing Center. He got stem cell injections for his joints, tendons, and ligaments which massively helped in his recovery from the ACL injury.

Uche Nwaneri (Jacksonville Jaguars)

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Uche Nwaneri did stem cell treatment in 2013 for damaged cartilage in his knee. The stem cell treatment was done to facilitate the regrowth of cartilage that was damaged while Uche was playing for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Marquis Maze (Pittsburgh Steelers)

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Marquis Maze did stem cell therapy for damaged joints and muscles that he sustained while playing for the Pittsburgh Steelers. He did a minimally invasive operation where stem cells were injected into the damaged muscles to encourage quicker growth.

LaRon Laundry (Washington Redskins)

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LaRon Laundry had a severely torn tendon in 2012 which resulted in him missing several games in the season. To reduce recovery time and to get back playing as quickly as possible, he did PRP treatments for his torn muscle at Amino Matrix Treatment Center.

Cliff Lee (Philadelphia Phillies)

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Cliff Lee did joint regeneration therapy at Intermountain Stem Cells to treat a damaged joint that he suffered while playing for the Philadelphia Phillies.

Dara Torres (Olympic Swimmer)

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Dara Torres suffered from arthritis in her knees which got worse due to the nature of the training that she had to as a professional swimmer. She did a chondrocyte implantation autologously in order to regrow the damaged cartilage cells in her knees.

Israel Dagg (Crusaders)

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Israel Dagg had to take a break from his football career due to severe damage to the cartilage in his knees. He had stem cells injected into his knee at a medical facility in Queenstown that helped to speed up the healing process.

Barton Colon (New York Yankees)

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Barton Colon was one of the first professional sports players to do a cell transplant when he did a stem cell transplant on his elbow in 2005. His bone marrow and fat were used for the surgery.

Andrew Heaney (LA Angels)

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Andrew Heaney did stem cell treatment on his torn ulnar collateral ligament in 2016 which positively helped in the recovery process.

Garrett Richards (LA Angels)

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Garrett Richards used his bone marrow to do stem cell treatment on his elbow to assist in the treatment of a torn elbow ligament in 2017 after been advised to try the treatment by his team’s physical therapist.

Christiano Renaldo (Real Madrid)

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One of the greatest modern-day soccer players Christiano Ronaldo did stem cell therapy to hasten the healing of a hamstring injury to get back on the field and playing the game that he is so passionate about.

Ahmad Bradshaw (New York Giants)

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Ahmad Bradshaw did a surgery on his foot in 2011 that involved inserting screws into his foot. This surgery was for two fractures that he had received while playing for the New York Giants. Despite doing surgery, he was still not recovering as quickly as he would want to from the injury, he did stem treatment on the fractured leg in 2012 and this helped to accelerate the healing process.

Prince Amukamara (New York Giants)

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Prince Amukamara suffered a broken leg at a pre-season camp and used his own bone marrow for stem cell injections into his leg which helped in the regeneration of the bone that was damaged.

David Payne (Track & Field)

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David Payne was preparing for the Olympic games in 2011 when he suffered a serious shin injury. He wanted to be as prepared as possible for the 2012 Olympic trials, so he did a PRP stem cell procedure to regenerate damaged shin cells and to reduce his recovery time.

Ray Lewis (Baltimore Ravens)

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Ray Lewis is another famous sportsperson who have done stem cell therapy. He did his therapy in Europe on his damaged triceps and this therapy helped Lewis recover much quicker from the injury.

Peyton Manning (Indianapolis Colts)

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Peyton Manning did stem cell treatment in Germany on a neck injury that he received while playing for the Indianapolis Colts. Stem cells were taken from his fat cells and injected into his neck.

Gordie Howe (Detroit Red Wings)

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The former Hockey Player Gordie Howe experienced a series of strokes in 2014 that left him paralyzed on his right side. He volunteered to do an experimental stem cell therapy treatment that was offered by Dr. McGuigan from the stem cell manufacturer Stemedica. This procedure involved the injection of several neural stem cells into his spine and he saw positive results within a few days!

Jose Contreras (Philadelphia Phillies)

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Jose Contreras suffered from chronic pain in his joints and was one of the first professional sports stars to do PRP Therapy instead of traditional invasive surgery.

Daisuke Matsuzaka (Boston Red Sox)

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Daisuke Matsuzaka was a top-notch Pitcher for the Boston Red Sox. He suffered painful joint pains and did PRP Therapy to combat and alleviate this pain.

A J Foyt (Nascar Driver)

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This decorated former Nascar Driver used stem cell therapy to regain some youthful features by getting stem cells injected into his bloodstream, ankle, and shoulder in an effort to generate new cell growth to make him healthier, look and feel younger.

Jack Nicklaus (Golf Legend)

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Jack Nicklaus is one of the most decorated golfers in history, winning over 120 tournaments. He, however, suffered from chronic back pain which made it difficult for him to get a perfect swing. In 2016, Jack Nicklaus went to Germany and performed stem cell therapy on his back at the Isar Klinikum Facility.

Rafael Nadal (Tennis Player)

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Tennis Great Rafael Nadal has done stem cell treatment on his back and his knee to alleviate recurring injuries that he suffered from. The treatment helped Nadal to get back on the tennis court quicker than he would have if he did a traditional surgery.

Michael Schumacher (Formula One Champion)

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Michael Schumacher had a near-fatal ski accident in 2013, where he suffered severe brain damage. He received stem cell infusion treatment which was administered to try and remove blood clots from his brain.

Max Scherzer (Baseball Pitcher)

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Max Scherzer is a leading Pitcher who plays for the Washington Nationals. He has used stem cell injection treatments for a back and shoulder injury and also a thumb injury.

These are forty high profile sports professionals that have used stem cell treatments either to support traditional surgery or as a total replacement for traditional surgery. Stem cell treatment is here to stay and is definitely changing the way treatment is administered to Professional athletes.

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rpgadverts · 6 years ago

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Rian Kilbride // Protective Aunt for Supernatural Horror Site Subplot

Rian Kilbride is one of the last surviving Kilbrides–a descendent of a Coven wrongfully banished and cursed. She is the matriarch–a title she holds close to her heart. For a time, her niece Kyle lived with her in California, far away from the trials and pain that lingered in Fortune for their line. When her niece had been born mundane, she saw it as a blessing. Perhaps she would be spared the curse and their bloodline would be saved. She took no chances, refusing to allow Kyle to learn about the world they truly hailed from. She became a surrogate mother–and loved her like a daughter. The daughter she never could have.

She divorced herself from the town of Fortune, refusing to linger in a place that did not love her. Rian had no intention of ever returning. Until she discovered their families name was being dragged through the mud. Yet again. Eager for answers, she will stop at nothing to end the madness. And protect the rest of her family in the process. Even if it is the death of her.

She is angry. She is vengeful. And so help those who sullied her family name.

Face Pictured: Julianne Moore

“Dove” Kilbride // Free Spirit Descendent for Supernatural Horror Site Subplot

Dove has always been the free spirit, desperate to grab life by the horns and enjoy every waking moment. She is a giver–a kind-hearted soul who only wants the best for those in her life. She is one of the last descendants of a banished and cursed Witch bloodline–a scarlet letter she painfully wore her entire life. An undeserved one, at that.

Dove drifted apart from her sister, Rian, after she made a decision that impacted their legacy–their family. Rian chose to raise their niece, Kyle, oblivious to the truth of their family. Their Witch heritage, and how they were wrongfully banished and cursed by the Covens of Fortune. They drifted apart, and Dove moved out of Fortune. It broke her heart to leave the family behind, but she knew she couldn’t lie to her niece… Couldn’t keep her detached from a world she still deserved to be a part of.

She made a life for herself elsewhere. And naïvely thought she had put the family curse behind her. Until she received a phone call from Kyle asking her about the truth. About their family. And their curse. She hopped on the next flight to Fortune. Her family needed her. And she will be damned if she parts from them ever again.

Face Pictured: Bryce Dallas Howard

“Briana” Kerry // Worried Sister for Supernatural Horror

Cael and his sister have gone through a lot. They had a rough upbringing, despite their parents best attempts to keep them sheltered from harm.

Unfortunately, tragedy after tragedy befell the Kerry family. The loss of two siblings to violence, a third to the system and then their father passing away made an already impossible situation too much to bear. Briana turned to drugs–and Cael, in a last-ditch attempt to save what remained of his family insisted they sell off their family home and move North. To Fortune. To be with their mother. Where Briana could begin to heal. And ideally, become part of a Coven.

Briana got help. They were settling in well. She was getting better. Everything was getting better. Until Cael vanished. Briana feared the worst and made it her mission to find him. To help him, wherever he was. But as the months have dragged on, she’s found herself feeling more and more helpless.

Cael was abducted by a criminal organization known as the Blood Ring and turned into a vampire against his will. He feels too ashamed to see his family. He’s scared to see them. To disappoint them. Again.

Soon, they will be reunited, and Briana will be made aware of all that happened to Cael. For better or worse, family sticks together.

Face Pictured: Kiana Ledé

Coven Desserter Bloodline Witch wanted for family drama and messy Coven politics in the face of impending disaster.

LOOKING FOR A SUPERNATURAL HUNTER AND BABY BROTHER FOR A SUPERNATURAL HORROR RP

Evan has always felt a bit out of place. He’s smaller than his brothers, and quite a bit more sensitive. Their father, being a harsh man, liked to pick on him. He’d call him the runt of the litter–a tactic meant to inspire him to be better, that ultimately only caused him to withdraw deeper into himself. He has a deep-rooted temper and a hair trigger. He’s prone to spitefulness when hurt, allowing his rage to dictate his actions.

A rage his eldest brother Asher has helped him channel through the ASP.

However, what was once a black and white battle of good versus evil has become substantially more nuanced. Having always been closer to their mother than the rest of his siblings, he has some insight into what caused her to act as she did. Throughout their childhood, she obsessively consulted with psychics and mediums–a frivolity that earned her the ire of her two eldest children. But, Evan recently has stumbled upon the truth. Their mother was haunted by a spirit. One who, most certainly, is not the child she lost so long ago that sparked her interest in the metaphysical. And this spirit has every intention of causing harm.

The same creatures they are hunting could very well be the ones who can save their mother. Now, he’s shouldering a dark secret and being weighed down by his own uncertainty. Does he tell his brothers and risk being labeled as a turncoat? Or does he walk the dangerous path of deals with demons and pacts with Witches to save the only parent they have left? Alone.

Early Twenties || Human || Open Face (Heavy preference for a slender, tattooed model. Ash Stymest pictured above)

LOOKING FOR A SUPERNATURAL HUNTER AND BROTHER FOR A SUPERNATURAL HORROR RP

All muscle and very little brains, Leo is everything one would expect in a soldier. He’s dedicated, blindly loyal and stops at nothing to see his mission through. This has made him a valuable asset to the ASP–an organization for Supernatural Hunters. He’s Asher’s right-hand. His most trusted companion and closest confidante. The two are a perfect pair together. Their connection borders on telepathic. Both being men of few words, they seldom communicate anything, yet somehow they still know what the other is thinking and feeling.

Leo is obsessed with weapons, boasting a particularly impressive array of guns, knives and medieval devices. He’s a blacksmith by trade, having apprenticed under some of the most skilled smiths in New England. It’s unclear when his interest was born or why. Asher theorizes it’s because he’s always fostered a deep-seated adoration of Norse Mythology and Vikings.

Their life since coming to Fortune has been a rollercoaster. Every day is a fight for their lives. And he’s hellbent on ensuring human victory over the abominations that flood the sleepy town’s streets.

Mid-Twenties || Human || Open-Face (Heavy preference toward Stephen James, or another heavily tattooed model)

TENDER-HEARTED SUPERNATURAL HUNTER FOR A SUPERNATURAL HORROR RP

HUMAN • HUNTER • THE DISAPPOINTMENT • SKYLER SAMUELS

The only biological child to Reiter, she shoulders the weight of expectations she could never possibly meet. Hunting had never appealed to her. Shedding blood seemed too cruel for her gentle nature. Her father tried to toughen her up. To no avail. Compassion rules her, making her a liability in the ASP’s eyes. But she cannot leave. She’s too afraid to.

Her morality has been weighing heavily on her. It keeps her up late at night, until she has no choice but to drown her sorrows in the bottom of a bottle. Which only makes her feel worse.

#jcink #mature rp #wanted ad #horror rp #modern fantasy rp #original rp #submission

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rpings · 6 years ago

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LOOKING FOR A SUPERNATURAL HUNTER AND BROTHER FOR A SUPERNATURAL HORROR RP

Mid-Twenties || Human || Open-Face (Heavy preference toward Stephen James, or another heavily tattooed model)

LOOKING FOR A SUPERNATURAL HUNTER AND BABY BROTHER FOR A SUPERNATURAL HORROR RP

A rage his eldest brother Asher has helped him channel through the ASP.

Early Twenties || Human || Open Face (Heavy preference for a slender, tattooed model. Ash Stymest pictured above)

“Briana” Kerry // Worried Sister for Supernatural Horror

Cael and his sister have gone through a lot. They had a rough upbringing, despite their parents best attempts to keep them sheltered from harm.

Soon, they will be reunited, and Briana will be made aware of all that happened to Cael. For better or worse, family sticks together.

Face Pictured: Kiana Ledé

Rian Kilbride // Protective Aunt for Supernatural Horror Site Subplot

She is angry. She is vengeful. And so help those who sullied her family name.

Face Pictured: Julianne Moore

“Dove” Kilbride // Free Spirit Descendent for Supernatural Horror Site Subplot

Face Pictured: Bryce Dallas Howard

#jcink premium #character request #horror rp #supernatural rp #fantasy rp #1 year #female character #male character #20s character #30s character #40s character #platonic plot #submission

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measuringlife · 6 years ago

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Measuring Monday: Daddy

Tumblr has been my quiet safe space for 8 years. This has been a place to grieve and be vulnerable. Much of what I compiled below for this week’s Measuring Monday was already written and shared here over the years. Only now am I beginning to share my writing more publicly and I am thankful for the space and community here when I was less brave.

The world lost a great man 11 years ago yesterday. My world especially got a lot dimmer and for sure a lot less funny.

My Dad was awesome. He was born in Brooklyn and raised on Long Island in the same town I grew up in. He was the first in his family to attend and graduate college (with an Art degree) and after being a hippie in Southern California for a few wanderlust months he went back for a Masters in Education.

My Dad was an art teacher in a low income, minority school district and he LOVED IT. He spent his ENTIRE 33-year career in the district. After teaching for 20ish years he went on to administration. He was a middle school assistant principal for a number of years and then a high school assistant principal for a number of years. They wanted him to be principal, but he didn’t want to deal with politics.

When I was in first grade my Dad started a Saturday enrichment program for K-12 students, he ran the program for 12 years. Some of my favorite childhood memories were from that program. My Dad also piloted a night school program within the school district so people could get their HS diplomas. My Dad was a pretty big deal in the K-12 Education world. Even after he retired he couldn’t stay away. The last year of his life he was teaching in an education certificate program at a Dallas Community College. My Dad was great at what he did.

We shared a love of many, many things, especially musicals. RENT was one of our favorites and after he died “Seasons of Love” took on a new meaning. I’m measuring those years within my “dash” (it’s a great poem if you are not familiar, look it up) in daylights - in sunsets - in midnights - in cups of coffee - in inches - in miles - in laughter - in strife and more. Back in January 2010, a friend of mine challenged me to measure my year in cups of coffee, which lead to measuring my miles, my body, my health and the rest is history. I get a lot of joy and satisfaction in measuring my life. It makes life seem a little more permanent and a little less fleeting at times.

The last 3-4 years of his life I pretty much talked to my Dad every day, even multiple times a day. Since he was retired he was available to talk whenever. I generally would call him when I was walking to and from class in grad school. Even if it was just a few minutes we’d have a great chat. I can honestly say we were best friends. There are still times when I wish I had my Dad to call.

Our last day was a fabulous Daddy-Daughter day - we were dorks and really called them that. Little did I know that a week later he would be taken from me. I was living in North Texas at the time, 5 months into my first job out of grad school and I was going through a rocky patch. My Dad lived 2.5 hours away in Dallas and wanted to come up for the day to cheer me up. Plus my he was having gastric bypass surgery that Thursday and I really wanted to see him before then.

Part of the reason I moved to Texas was to be closer to my Dad. My parents got divorced after my freshman year of high school and he stayed local, but once I went to college we never lived in the same state. I was in Connecticut and he was in New York or Florida or Texas. I saw my Dad so much in those 5 months we both lived in Texas it was wonderful, some of our best times. I had a lot of ups and downs with my Dad, but our last few months were so much fun.

That last time we hung out I drove up to Oklahoma so we could go to the casino and play some slot machines. Well on the 20-mile drive to Oklahoma I get pulled over on a Sunday afternoon for doing 77 in a 70. I honestly wasn’t aware of my speed because it was an open road and because my Dad and I were singing along to the Aida soundtrack on the top of our lungs. I was so upset about the ticket, but my Dad comforted me and made me feel better, he always did. After the casino, we came back to my apartment, rearranged furniture, and just hung out.

I didn’t want him to leave. I had a sinking feeling about everything. That was the day he told me he was getting gastric bypass over a lap band. I wasn’t a fan of his decision to have either surgery, particularly not gastric bypass. He was 6'2 and 300-325 pounds MAYBE. He has lost 100 pounds through diet and exercise when I was in high school and he kept it off for 8 years before quickly gaining it back after he retired. I was disappointed that he was resorting to surgery. He had been talking about lap band for 6 months and talked to many doctors, went to consults etc. Then within a week of his surgery, his doctor talks him into gastric bypass.

His surgery was Thursday, a week before Thanksgiving. 3 days later that Sunday morning, November 18, 2017, my phone rings at 6:30am. I knew before I answered the phone that he was dead. He was still in the hospital and he essentially bled out internally. A blood transfusion and proper care could have saved his life. I was 2.5 hours away in North Texas not having been fully informed or able to fully comprehend post-op complications and too naive to realize I needed to come down. No twentysomething really thinks their Dad is going to die. I had just spent the prior Sunday with him and was scheduled to come down to Dallas Tuesday for the night before flying to NY for Thanksgiving.

I was devastated, I still am. My whole entire world forever changed. Everything about that day and the weeks and months that followed, including a failed wrongful death lawsuit due to the Texas good old boys club, was a nightmare. I sometimes wish I could “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” much of it.

He was 58, I was 24, and my sister was not quite 22. None of us were ready for him to be gone forever. My sister and I had already lost him once in 1998 when my parents separated and he moved out. To quote a friend who wrote about her Dad on his one year anniversary “I feel both lucky to have had my dad for so many years and angry that he was taken from me when I and he were too young. If I know anything better today than I did last year, it is exactly how complicated and messy life and death and grief are.”

My story is a complicated one on many levels. It’s a lot to bear, especially around the Holidays. Family drama and a Mother that I have a terrible relationship with makes things extra hard. There is no winning with her ever, my Dad was one of the few who really understood. I miss having him on my team. The sad reality is the 11 years that he’s been gone have also led to the 11 worst years in my relationship with my mom. A relationship that was rocky to begin with due to her alcoholism and emotional abuse.

The complications of life and death and grief were something I wasn’t expecting and it really causes tremendous pain. However, out of tragedy, I was finally able to find the motivation to get healthy and fit. I did the work, no shortcuts, no fad diets, and most importantly no surgery.

To quote a message from another friend years ago, about losing her mom, "Sometimes it takes the death of a loved one to wake us up. I consider that a lasting gift from my parent.” I found such comfort and hope in those words. My Daddy didn’t need that surgery and didn’t need to die. Sadly he did, but I refuse to let my weight control my life. I also couldn’t have his death be in vain. So in 2010, I started running, I took charge of my health. I also started fundraising for Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure (ABC2) since most people who have lost loved ones find solace in charity work and there wasn’t a community for my loss out there. So I adopted David Cook’s charity of choice since watching American Idol during those dark months that followed helped me get through each week.

And here I am 11 years later and in the best shape of my life thus far. I thank my Dad for that lasting gift no matter how painful it’s been. I only wish he was here to see me now and the wonderful all-around person I am today.

I’ll leave you with this. One quote I remember my Dad telling to me in a time of struggle in my life was, “Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” That quote has meant so much to me over the years. YOU only have one life and YOU need to make the most of out of, right now.

Love you Daddy.

RDJ 4/25/49-11/18/07

#MLvulnerability #MLabout

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