#DUDE why the fuck are you mad at me im so fucking mentally ill

[gunkbaby]

being on tumblr is crazy bc u can be 17 and doing ur thing and get jumped by a random 30 yr old you’ve never interacted with before

[my-brain-soup]

I've Never Seen Luka, But Jon Kent Has

Basically I've never watched Luka but I read a fanfic where Jon gets the teen titans to watch it (parallels are drawn between Luca and Alberto and Jon and Damian) so now I will be watching it and writing the thoughts I have during it

No I will not give context and spoiler warning ig

Love the music during the studio logos

We love a superstitious king, I mean, I have a feeling he has a point

IF THEY HIT HIM IMMA BE SO PISSED

Awww, he's such a polite little guy

Luca is a farm boy!!! I love my little Jon Kent varient :)

I, too, would risk my life for shiny object

I, too, do the murder

OMG THEIR SO JON AND DAMIAN BUT LIKE BEING HUMAN IS BEING A VIGILANTE AND ITS THE SAME AS THEIR START BASICALLY I LOVE THEM

HE EVEN HAS THE SUPERMAN CURL

Dami would say he invented walking

And pretend he's not proud of Jon

THEYRE SO CUTESY

Bruno? Or Bruce...o... you get the idea

Sorry, they have Luca grab Alberto like that and expect me not to see them as the most adorable little guy love story? Their so crushing on each other

"You're so lucky your dad lets you do what you want," cue Superman's comment about Bruce getting hit on the head all the time

NO WAY THEIR SENDING HIM TO (basically) BOARDING SCHOOL TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THE "bad influence" THAT IS ALBERTO

Yes! Grandma, my queen!

"We can do anything" I love this movie

MY FRIEND SMELLS AMAZING

God I don't know her name yet but I love her

JULIA OR HOWEVER YOU SAY IT

We're not telling you our secrets! Tells secrets immediately.

FROM EVERYTHING YOU LOVE?????

I love Alberto so muchhhhhh

I love Mr dad human

Oh they know SOO many fish

No way everyone, including an adult, just saw that bitch rob some kids and didn't do shit

He is a sad little catfish

Why are his parents actually crazy

Aww, Alberto doesn't want to lose his friend

Noooooooo

Luca just wants to learn, and Alberto just wants to feel loved :(

How is the gayest looking dude there being homophobic?

When your new father figue wants to kill your entire species

Alberto got mad when Julia touched Luca's hand...

Why does Luca's hair looks like a croissant

NO LUCA WTF

I WAS ALMOST ON YOUR SIDE

GOD WHAT THE HELL

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, I LOVE YOU PLEASE DONT KILL YOUR NEW SON

FUCK.

IM NOT CRYING.

Nooooo

Their fort :(

BESTIE NO

NO ALBERTO MY BABY NO

STOP PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY SO YOU DONT GET HURT. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK

God the organizer adult lady us such a bitch

Why is no one concerned that the scuba kid isn't coming up for air?

Aww, his little clap self tap in

It's totally about to rain

Well shit. Sometimes I hate when I'm right

WAIT WAS THAT ALBERTO

I TAKE IT BACK I LOVE WHEN IM RIGHT

FUCK

NO I TAKE IT BACK AGAIN

I love them so much!!!!

MR DAD HUMAN NO

MR DAD HUMAN YES

YAYYYY

KING

Is the mom the same person that voiced Aunt Cass in big hero 6?

YES LOVE ME THE OLD LADIES

I decided it is a metaphor for older lgbtq people, feeling able to come out after younger generations have proved that times have changed, I love them

(They're sisters, so they're not together, but they can still be gay!)

BRO ITS SO ABOUT BEING GAY I LOVE THIS MOVIE

BRO ALBERTO

THOSE LITTLE LOOKS

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE

JULIA 100% KNOWS

About his crush, not just Luca going to school

AHHHH HES SO SWEET

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, YOU NEED EACH OTHER

Their in love, your honor

THEIR LITTLE HAND HOLDING THING I CANT

IM SO MENTALLY ILL FOR GAY FISH

IM CRYING AGAIN

AHHH, THEY RIGHT EACH OTHER LETTERS

ALBERTO LOOKS SO SMITTEN WHEN THEY'RE ON THE PHONE

ALBERTO GETS HIS KNIFE

DOES HE BECOME A LIFEGAURD???

I love this movie

So much

DAMIAN ALSO HAS A CAT AND JON ALSO HAS A DOG

Also, here is my formal apology, her name is spelled Giulia, my b

Alberto learns to carve wood, awww

Also, does Luca EVER get shoes?

I've decided I need an Alberto to become a tattoo artist future au, at least like on the side or for fun or sm

The dedication is adorable

Yes, I just watched all of the credits. What about it?

I was rewarded with an after credits scene, so fuck you.

I'm gonna watch all the deleted scenes now, I'm not gonna specify which one so have fun guessing

Haha, they called Alberto and Luca the main relationship

BOO STOP TRYING TO GIVE LUCA A CRUSH ON GIULIA

YES ALBERTO CHEER ON THE KRAKEN AGAINST THE HUNTER

YES! CONFORMED LUCA A GIULIA ONLY PLATONIC

Also, she was almost a photographer, like TIM DRAKE?!?!?

Don't worry, Luca, I'll ride in a barrel lit on fire down a hill with you

Awww, they were raised by a lobsterrr

BRING BACK CANNED SEA MONSTER FACTORY

OH SEA MONSTER CAN PASS BUT IF THEIR FOUND OUT THE CONSEQUENCES MIGHT BE REALKY DIRE??? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME.

Oh, Jon is extremely charming

I love how they used different animation styles (in how they had the characters move) on land and in the water

PH THE TRANSFORMATION ISN'T CELEBRATED IN LUCAS FAMILY AND HE MAKES IT A CONSIOUS DEASITION TO CHANGE HIS THINKING FROM I SHOULDNT DO THIS TO I SHOULD EMBRASE THIS? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME

Bro, not the first version where Alberto outs Luca to Giulia, eek

And finally, Ciao Alberto!

Aww, Luca wants to see to Portorosso!

THE GAY OLD LADY SISTERS ARE DEFINITELY CLOSE WITH ALBERTO, AND I LOVE IT FOR ALL OF THEM

He finally has people who care about him!!!

AWW ALBERTO JUST WANTS MR DAD HUMAN TO BE PROUD OF HIM

Alberto, you do NOT got this

DONT LIGHT THE BOAT ON FIRE

OH SHIT

Noooo!!! Don't leave!!!

YOU'RE NOT HIS EMPLOYEE, YOU'RE HIS SON

HE CALLED HIM DAD!!!

YAY HUGS

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

MY HEART

I CANT

I love Alberto being an artist (a bad one, for now, but still and artist)

Okay, that's it, Ciao :)

[rat420hxc]

im so pissed today. why the fuck did people circulate callout posts about me in high school. and make me completely isolated and alone. the callout posts were clearly also all just basically "hey no way, this mentally ill person shows symptoms of mental illness! better refuse to even look in their i mean h i mean his direction ever unless youre going to harass it! oh yeah i think hes probably lying about being a 'trans girl' anyway" dude i was an anorexic meth addict who routinely tried to kill herself and slept in fucking canyons and just. fuck you. im so mad. ive never been shown any care or given any help just got fucking shunned and abused by every community ive been forced to be a part of. i deserve so much fucking better. i hate cis people. i hate the way everyone treated me as a visibly transgender teenager. like i wasnt worth fucking anything ever. like i was a walking disease. fuck you all im going to get revenge. my first revenge will be my own happiness and success and comfort. my second revenge will be carving out a space in this world for myself and people like me to love each other and never have to be at the mercy of fucking assholes like you ever again.

[night---falls]

A Letter to my Drug Dealer

•

i was trying really hard to figure out why i kept trying to get through to you...

like why the fuck was i trying to tell the dude who sold to me to try and get better??

why didn’t i call the cops and rat you out for all the destruction the shit you sell caused?

why didn’t i blast your name on online even after lying to me when i pleaded with you to tell us the truth.

lying to me like i couldn’t tell.

i just had this feeling i couldn’t kick…

that i really want you to be okay too,

even tho under normal circumstances,

i wouldn’t have usually cared.

i don’t think i would have ever have gotten to know you at all

had it not been for the bar.

we’re very different people,

but i kept thinking about it.

i think it’s the tattoo on your neck.

your daughters name.

i’ve never spoken to you very much.

not seriously

or honestly

and i don’t think we’ve both ever been sober

simultaneously in the same room,

but remember that fight you got in with c in my car taking my mom’s dog to the vet?

i’m not sure if you do, you were in pretty rough shape that day

but you kept saying things about your daughter.

and you were blaming it on c

for

no reason

with

no logic

and

no connections

but i know it’s because you felt guilty for not recognizing her

at the fair

a day or few before.

both of my parents have chosen hedonism over me

my entire life.

my dad missed my first birthday

because he was at the boats.

i don’t know who you’ve been talking to

or where your heads at

or if you’ve decided to try and get better or not

and it’s really is none of my business

and i really, really fucking wish i didn’t care-

but i think that the way my parent have treated me,

is ultimately what led me to me trying to kill myself.

i only ever felt loved if i was giving into her addictions and nodding to everything she said.

because so she’s vindictive

when she’s mad

and she gets mad so easily

and im so fucking sensitive

and i’m so naive, still.

i look at people i love and respect for answers and guidance because always feel so unsure of every move i make even if they’ve let me down at every possible turn.

i was doing so much

because i was trying to kill myself in a way that wouldn’t be my fault,

a way where people wouldn’t hate me.

and you know that,

because i heard you and c whispering that day you wouldn’t respond to me,

ten minutes before my mom took you to the back

and yelled at you

and laughed

about telling her friend to sell her severely mentally ill daughter hard drugs

who just got out of an abusive relationship

and who has already tried killing herself with fucking hydrocodone.

i didn’t want any

until she encouraged me to get so high

i vomited.

and you were the only one who caught it.

i had never asked for it until after that night.

and i knew you guys were doing that shit atleast a month and a half before everything with mike happened.

i did it a few times before you ever gave it to me

and i didn’t care for it,

the first time

or the second

to be honest.

but i stayed at the bar doing that shit with everyone because that was the only way to be close with my mom.

the only way for years now.

and my friends had all abandoned me

for accepting the abuse from m

but i had her accepting me

with open an eager arms.

i know you heard my mom and i screaming at each-other the other night,

i bet the whole damn neighborhood did.

i’ve never screamed like that…

well, maybe once or twice at m.

never at my momma.

do you remember how she screamed at me?

the same way m did?

i realized that i was silent as m assaulted me

because i’ve only ever been shown my whole life that

giving people what they want at the sacrifice of my safety and health is the only way to be loved.

to accept every bullet and shoot none back.

she liked being the person i could turn to.

but those drugs made it so she kept me low enough to keep needing her,

not just wanting her.

why do you think she was so angry i stopped coming around?

why she would insinuate that i should be ashamed of myself for

trying not to fucking die

a painful death

and getting myself clean.

alone, by the way…

really, only my little sister knew,

but she’s in ohio.

i hid everything from my grandparents

until she texted them demanding things

that she had no right to demand

after hurting everyone around her.

in the end, she thrived off of my suffering

because it made her feel wanted.

but she could only feel wanted

if i was getting as fucked up as her.

i don’t want that for your daughter.

i don’t want her to think she has to do hard drugs

just to feel love from her father

and then slip away from you

because she falls

too fast

and kills herself.

you love her enough to wear her name on your throat.

there’s something so vulnerable

about walking around displaying someone’s name so close to your face that:

her name becomes a part of your identity.

when i think of you, i think of your face and that tattoo.

not the drugs.

i think of how much you love your baby.

enough to decorate your neck-

something so delicate that all it takes

is one hard,

bad enough hit

to paralyze you for life.

can you love her enough to get clean?

or to at least stop selling…

because you can’t get away with that forever.

you can’t walk your daughter down the isle

from a jail cell.

i don’t want you to feel the way ive felt.

and i know you have.

i know you’ve tried hurting yourself,

and in other ways than just abusing substances.

i’ve heard about how you’ve had to have your gun taken from you before.

i listen.

i just couldn’t comprehend anything until the hazy fucking cocaine fog lifted.

your daughter is going to have to bury you one day,

and i don’t know if you guys even speak

but i don’t want you to ruin the relationship

to such a point that she won’t turn up to your funeral…

because i won’t be at my mothers funeral.

not unless she gets clean.

not after everything she’s said,

because she’s said some stuff that made my grandfather sob.

his dog had a seizure from all the stress in the house,

the worst one she’s ever had.

she made him so angry he was yelling at me,

and he doesn’t yell.

and to be clear,

i don’t blame you.

you tried doing the right thing, quite a few times, i think.

i don’t want you to even really feel guilty.

but i want you to understand what that drug is doing.

i want you to know

exactly how much pain its causing

and has caused

before you allow it to cause any more.

i just want to say that you have a choice

and maybe you have already made it

and maybe you’re still at the point where drugs matter more

or maybe you’re not.

i don’t know.

during the worst part-

around my birthday when i was doing blow every 30 minutes

and it got so bad that i made my baby sister stop at a family express

so i could do a couple lines in the bathroom…

i had a friend come visit me.

i had hazily posted on my private story about how i snorted some klonopins and passed out in my puke and he happened to see it.

he brought his girlfriend to meet me.

i snorted so much i wash shaking so bad i spilled every one of their shots. . .

i left the shop because of the drugs.

a had been doing that shit the entire time and i knew and didn’t care,

didn’t ask for it,

and i didn’t rub what he left on the back of the toilet on my gums

until my mother did what she did.

then i was doing lines with him in the break room

and he was telling me he didn’t care if i did a line in the bathroom.

i said i wouldn’t bring that shit in there…

and i did anyways,

about 3 days later.

my friend’s girlfriend is who got me the job at the new place

right before i quit for good.

the night he visited i told him about m.

and eventually i couldn’t stop sobbing

about how worthless i was

and how i needed to kill myself

because i have never been

and never could have

and never could have the potential to be anything but a burden

to the people i love.

i still feel that way sometimes,

but those drugs made it so that if i was not so dangerously high

so high that my teeth felt funny

all i could hear were the thoughts about hurting myself.

this guy who i had never even been that close with begged me to see that i have a lot of potential

and i could do some good things in this world.

he begged me to see that people would be upset,

not relived if i died.

he had also sold.

he stopped.

his girlfriend told me his body’s so fucked up now that sometimes when they’re laying together she’ll feel a tickle and he will have a stream of blood trickling out of his nose or ear because his blood pressure is so high and it stains her cheek.

he’s only 25.

what do you think it’s done to you?

i hope you don’t remember,

but those bruises i had on my forehead were from hitting my head against the wall to make sure i wasn’t dying.

because as much as i thought it was the right thing to do,

i was horrified of dying.

i was scared to feel it, anyway.

i hadn’t done that in years.

i really don’t know if you care but something tells me you might.

my sister had to come take care of me and clean my room.

she thought i was asleep when she told someone it was worse than she thought.

do you know how humiliating it is to be glued to a fucking bed as someone picks up 8 months of buildup?

my room was almost as bad as your kitchen

it took her 8 hours of cleaning

and i couldn’t even help

because i was so weak.

did my mom tell you that she laughed

when i told her my doctor wants me to get a heart monitor?

she told me not to worry

because “all the Johnson women all have high resting heart rates”

but i’ve been going to that office since i was 20

and that’s never been an issue before.

and i went to the er because i was in so much pain i couldn’t walk.

found out later

that i had tachycardia then too,

and they didn’t even tell me

and it was probably because they drug tested me

and saw that i was doing it to myself.

i told my mom

she said it wasn’t a big deal.

she laughed at me

when i was having that panic attack

after the 4th of july.

i called dh one time

when i was still with m…

when id snorted and swallowed two hydros

and m had gaven me more weed to calm down

and all of my limbs went numb

and my mom didn’t answer the phone

but he did

and then he laughed and said

“oh yeah, i’ve done that before.”

one time i took 7 pills.

because i googled how many it takes for an overdose.

google had said 8.

i told my mom and she laughed at that,

but at-least then she had the sense to tell me not to do it again.

she wouldn’t now.

she would encourage me to try again, now.

is that the kind of support you want to offer your daughter?

i’ve always hated myself because my parents were addicts

who could not show me how to love myself.

i should not have to work this hard

to genuinely accept a compliment.

i shouldn’t have to convince myself

that someone who just hugged me

doesn’t secretly hate me,

that they’re not mad at me.

because m got mad at me for everything,

and before that-

my mom did,

a did.

is that what you would want for that baby that you used to cradle in your arms?

do you want to get to a point

where you truly don’t care if she’s suffering

because your preoccupied with keeping your own thoughts silent,

even though every person good around you

is asking you to just listen to them

just long enough to get past it??

that you forgot when you had that baby,

that she was your responsibility

and you’re supposed to take care of her

because she loves you and looks up to you

and you were her world.

she loves you.

why do you think she was so upset you didn’t see her at the fair?

and yes i might be taking some hurt out on you here.

maybe taking it too far.

you sold to me.

i’m not angry about that, though.

i’m so hurt that you can see how much damage everything has caused

and you were doing even more blow with her

and you came out there and lied straight to my fucking face.

loving people who do nothing but enable you-

will kill you.

and right now i think that’s all you have.

b said she hasn’t heard from you.

ce told me he thought you had a heart attack one night

and that you were on the floor

gasping for air.

i begged my mom to tell you to please just go to the hospital and get checked out

because heart attacks don’t always kill you the day of

and i wanted you to be okay.

that the police can’t even get involved so you don’t have to worry about that because of hippa laws.

and i couldn’t message you because i didnt want c to think i wanted to fuck you

just because i wanted your heart to keep beating.

but now that i think about it,

i don’t think she ever told you

and i don’t think she ever intended to.

she didn’t care.

it’s been recommended to me that i keep my suffering silent before.

i had my best friend from high school ask me if i would consider medically assisted suicide

because she wasn’t going to fight what i wanted any longer,

and i should do it in the best way for everyone.

the girl who bought me weed and alcohol

for the first time

and countinuosly underage

told me i was annoying

because of all the crying.

i had a man tell me he lost all his feeling for me when i begged him for the drugs

that i asked him to hold onto for me-

after he had decided

when to pick and choose

when i got one

on a whim-

and who,

after realizing how bad i fucked up

and trying to give it back,

look led at me and told me that he didnt care anymore.

i went back to all of them.

over and over,

because of how my mother raised me.

to accept any hurt in the name of love

because she was an addict and i needed a mom

so why wouldn’t i forgive her?

i’ve been so angry lately.

i cut off the people who told me to stay away from my mom.

i told them to go fuck themselves for abandoning me

but i didn’t realize they did that because it was so hard to even look at me.

my mother encouraged that.

one time,

when i was small,

i asked my mother to not fall asleep in the bathroom

because it scared me

and i thought she was going to drown.

she told me to shut the fuck up and not tell her what to do.

she cares more about being called bad

not about actually being bad.

a bruised my cheek when i was under ten years old

and my mom was angry

because i had to put my hair in-front of my face to go see my grandparents

and she was embarrassed.

not because i was hurt.

not because ever since then i flinch

when things are too close to my face.

and i’m not even saying these things are even that bad.

much worse could have happened to me.

much worse has happened to you.

but that’s not really what i’m getting at.

we accept the love we thing we deserve.

so what have you taught your daughter?

what does she think she deserves?

will she love a man that’s hurting her so bad

she resorts to substances

and suicidal ideation

but keeps letting him come back

because ‘at least someone is there.’

even if they throw it back her my face

at least they’re there and listening.

is that the lesson you want to leave her on this earth with?

what do you think you deserve?

because one time you said that roadkill makes your heart break.

you hated m for what he did even though you had rarely ever even spoken to me.

you tried not to sell to me.

i’m sorry i put you there.

i know you told n not to hurt me.

to be careful.

you don’t deserve to love yourself so little.

you don’t deserve to be so close with people who don’t care to do the right thing even when it’s the easiest thing to do.

who don’t care about you.

i just want you to look at what these drugs have done to the people you love.

what that shits has done to you.

what it could do to your baby girl.

what it did to me, luke.

and i wasn’t going to send this to you

but m texted me.

did you you know she’s taking care of dm’s baby girls right now

because he can’t?

his transmission is wrecked.

how many baggies did he buy

or is he going to buy

instead of fixing his truck to take care of those little babies?

did you know i took dm to get his truck the night i finished the mural because he was upset with you?

because you acted out to feel loved,

and i know because that what i used to do.

you pushed him to say he would always choose you

and then

kept

pushing

until he walked out and changed his mind.

i’ve done that.

but you can’t do it forever.

one day you’ll push too hard and they won’t take you back.

their loyalty will waver

with the weight of constant reassurance.

look at the people around you.

look in the mirror-

and not the one in your bathroom-

one that’s clean enough

that you can actually see that

you don’t have a spark in your eye

when youre fucked up.

because your eyes aren’t even open all the way.

how many cigarettes have you lost from forgetting to light them?

how many cigarettes have burned your fingers?

how many substances do you love?

have you ever thought about why?

what’s missing in your heart

or your mind

that you need to stuff that hole with drugs?

because that shit will only make it grow.

why do you accept love from someone who pushes you to your breaking point just to feel wanted…

why do you accept love from someone who get off on you being so jealous you hurt people?

because, that’s what you think you deserve.

but it’s not.

one time c had told me that you’ve never called her beautiful.

i thought that was so sad.

but after a while,

i realized its because no one has ever called you beautiful.

because i heard you trying.

trying to call her beautiful the only way you knew how to and getting laughed at for it.

you are beautiful, luke.

you have a good heart.

you mean well.

my mom

she has a habit of hurting people,

she makes sure to find the ones who

are

soft

and

malleable

and

kind

so they will forgive her

until they have killed themselves from holding her up.

and i don’t mean soft in terms of weak, luke.

you’re incredibly strong

and im proud of you for what you’ve overcome in your life.

i don’t know everything but i know enough

to know that not enough people tell you that.

and i don’t know if you care

or if you even read this because i know it’s long

and it took me about 5 hours to write all of this

because im so stressed i can’t sleep right now

and im so hurt.

it hurts to see good people hurting so bad that this is what happens.

it hurts to loose people.

I know you know that.

I know you’re scared to lose my mom

and that’s why you’ve been helping her so much.

but she’s gone.

buried somewhere deep, deep down.

what kind of person shames their own child for a drug addiction that they’ve worked past?

two of them?

what kind of person humiliated their daughter to prove point

“because you guys came to the door and didn’t even ask how i was”

she knows why.

because the last text i let her send to me said

“I sold j’s tools already. So block me. Hate me. Do whatever. Idc anymore. I gave you your own cocaine back for your birthday asshole. I didn't addict you to shit. You did what you did. Did I also addict you to vicodin? Fuck off kid.”

that was copy and pasted.

she wanted me to ask how her day was, after that.

i have so many screenshots of such vindictive words.

that’s not krissy anymore.

is that the kind of love you think you deserve?

that i deserve?

that your daughter deserves??

because i just want to tell you it’s not.

I don’t know you well but i really do love you dude.

i just want everyone to be the best they can.

if you’re not ready for that,

it’s okay.

i understand.

but i hope what ive said stays in the back of your mind the way those words my friends said did for me.

i hope you see that to feel better you have to do better.

even if you don’t,

just know you are loved.

so is dh.

so is my mom.

even if i never see them again.

even if my moms heart gives out tonight

and she dies hating me.

i still love them.

i’ve said my piece

and i’ve spat out all my anger

and i have begged until my knees bled

and im done.

i need some rest.

but just incase my mom dies

and your the only one who knows …

because you’ve never hurt me,

and i think that means something…

if you,

or my mom,

or dh

decide that you want the help you guys need

but you don’t know where to start,

message me.

just know you’re loved.

and when you start doing better you’ll be able to love back in a way that doesn’t hurt everyone.

and i know you want to do better.

i know you’ve tried to quit drinking before,

at least.

but i’m done pleading.

i’m not going to keep trying to help.

so do it for yourself.

if not yourself, then for your daughter.

or don’t.

i won’t ask again.

but know you are loved and you could be so happy if you tried to take care of yourself.

you deserve too.

[pitbullwithaship]

DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG 2009 SPECIAL THE END OF TIME (PART 1)

Okay, I think I might be emotionally prepared for both of the parts of this. Time to watch, wish me mental stability!

Planet Earth Intro

Oh there's a documentary narrator lol

Hello christmas

WILF HELLO

Pretty singing, gorgeous singing

Those kids are good

Tardis cameo?

THE SAINTED PHYSICIAN LOL

Spooky woman?

Evil laughter?

Hi Doctor (he's mentally ill)

Hi Ood (he is aware of the Doctor's mental illness)

Snowy day

Ooh pretty city

Ood prophet cool

More evil laughter?? Hello?

Which man is dead

The Master? Maybe tis his wife at least (poor her)

WHATY WHAT TIS WEIRD GALLIFREYAN THINGY

HES ALIVE THEN WHAT

It's not nice when time starts bleeding

Poor Lucy

Weird woman on the TV?

Okay resurrection generally isn't the greatest choice

This is culty

Til death do them part she's awesome

Person running? Master running?

I love Wilf he's so silly

Lol sending out the troops to find the Doctor

Okay so the Master is even more insane than before

Yay Obama

Creepy as hell my dude

That's horrifying

That's ultra horrifying jeez

Hello Doctor

Epic chase through a garbage dump

"Let me help" oh come on you've tried that before

Old people gang up to take a photo with him lol

Gets groped

Don't be sulky Doctor

HE WILL KNOCK FOUR TIMES OH MY GOSH

Dude course you'll die that's just what happens

Not changed no

Aww hello Shaun Temple

They're cute, and he's glad she's happy, he's the ultimate depressed bestie

Merry Fucking Christmas

Awww he misses her so much!! This is so sad!!!

Doctor where are you going now!?

Idiots and fools

Dramatic western faceoff

WALKS FROM AN EXPLOSION HELLO

I've said before, he's quite good at getting electrocuted

He's also vaguely suicidal but at the same time desperate to stay alive

Oh I know, he has the fear of death that only one who'd like to die can have

We can hear it

HE HEARD IT

You are mad my dude

Flying light thing? Hello

Oh it's the government then I assume

Poor Doctor

Oh generic rich powerful dude has a book

HELLO DONNA?

Oh generic rich powerful dude has the Master

Okay generic rich powerful people are evil generic rich powerful people

The war was won and passed you by

Aww he never killed that wonderful I live Wilf

Usually if people say "whatever you do don't tell so-and-so" you should probably tell so-and-so

Pistol

He loves her so much

Fair enough lol

Sylvia gurl

I thought it'd be cleaner I love Wilf

Wilf and Doctor friendship is the most pure flawless amazing one ever

Scientists rebelling maybe?

Nope those are aliens

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP TRYING FOR IMMORTALITY ITS BAD

If the censoring thing on the tardis got broken the Doctor would be scandalized by the amount of swearing his companions all do but especially wilf and donna

Shimmer shimmer

I love aka hate how he's wearing a dog collar

Bondage

Oh shit

Oh dear

I guess they hide the presidents face cuz they couldn't get a real Barack Obama cameo which sucks

No he's not gonna love this

Oh dear a planet of Masters

Oh dearie me

That's disturbing

That's incredibly disturbing holy cows

THE TIME LORDS RETURNED IM SORRY WHAT HELLO THE NARRATOR IS A TIME LORD TOO WHY DO THEY WANT TO END TIME I THOUGHT THEY WERE STUFFY AND LAW ABIDING

[definitelynotnia]

sorry i have to rant or i will cry i hate when im so angry that the anger comes out as tears

tw: random guy being a general asshole abt lgbtq and trans ppl so if you dont wanna deal with that today, cz ik there's already enough hate literally everywhere online, then please save yourself from this burden and move along, i hope u have a nice day bcz if i cant then someone should

i just spent my whole afternoon arguing with this guy- it was such a waste of my time i haven't slept properly last night and i wanted to take a nap but my nap time is GONE i hate this i told him im done with this conversation and that i dont give a shit about him enough to want to educate him on things and have him change his opinion i TOLD HIM IM DONE i told him that he can keep his opinion shoved up his ass and as long as he doesn't bully people i dont give a shit i was READY TO GO TAKE MY NAP but nooo this bitch is like "just say you've run out of valid points" like BITCH NO.

i can't have valid points to counter you with because all the points ur giving me are utter bullshit like how the fuck am i supposed to reply to "ppl assigned male at birth wearing skirts and make up is worse than war" like WHAT???? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF??? ARE YOU INSANE? what the fuck am i supposed to respond to that with? except that trans people aren't hurting anyone and war is, and he's like "at least war can be contained, these people are spoiling the mentality of the youth" like YOU ARE THE SPOILED YOUTH not the other way around, im like listen if you were really pressed about children and how trans inclusivity impacts children then you would have at least read more about that but if your first point is only "they're doing surgery on children" then clearly you have not even done as much as a simple google search so we both know that you just heard that in some random reel and went with it and you dont give two shits about the supposed 'children being made to undergo surgery', which they're not, and all you actually care about is looking cool and edgy by hating on the lgbtq community because thats whats in trend right now in india. he's like these people are too privileged why cant they just shut up and enjoy life they are rich like first of all rich people can have problems too??? also being able to afford therapy and gender affirming care does not equal to rich thats like saying if someone in ur family has any chronic illness ur automatically rich like ??? also poor people are trans too? and im so sick of these ppl thinking being trans is just an american thing or a first world problem like brother no? you are literally living in india trans people are mentioned in the FUCKING SCRIPTURES are u KIDDING ME? being trans is not a new sudden occurence its been there for longer than you have. like literally after 2 hours of conversation the only points he could think of to hate on lgbtq for no reason is

they are rich and privileged so they shouldnt have problems

if they have a problem with their gender they should keep it to themself and not fight it (??????)

they are running from their problems (they are literally solving the problem thats the part which everyone is mad abt its when trans people try to solve the problem by being okay with expressing themselves freely and to counter i said that even alcoholics are running from their problems ive never seen any of u andrew tate cocksuckers ever make a "joke" bullying alcoholics he's like thats different like literally all his "points" are him just saying whatever and then if u try to explain it with logic he'll be like no but thats ok bcz i said so and this is wrong bcz i said so like fuck you dude)

they shouldnt have rallies and stuff because there's more important things like war that the government should focus on (he was the one who said "war is a beacon of peace there cannot be peace without war" when i had first mentioned that its ironic that out of all the bad things happening in the world rn LIKE war the biggest thing he's worried about is a "man" wearing a skirt but ok sure now all of a sudden war is a big boo boo and we should all be focusing on that, so basically when he wants to hate on ppl war is irrelevant but when a marginalised group wants to fight for their rights that time war is the most important point and no one elses suffering is valid bcz there is war)

it is spoiling today's youth (im not even gonna talk about this because i do not see how people living their lives and just existing is considered "spoiled" and "corrupt" but people regularly hating on, bullying and degrading a whole ass community just because they are uneducated swines lacking critical thinking skills and a spine that saw some 'famous' youtuber or influencer or wtv or maybe a reel with 'dark humor' dissing on lgbtq and pronouns and 'blue haired girls' and now they thing they're oh so cool and edgy and dIfFeReNt and "not like those woke snowflakes" just cz they degrade and bully a whole community of people every chance they get)

im so done im SO DONE with this bullshit its EVERYWHERE its a trend now to be hateful and mean and an asshole to anyone who isnt "normal" according to heteronormative standards. i understand not having an opinion, to some extent ok i get it you're young you don't need to be involved in this yet but no, they want to have an opinion but they will do no research they physically shudder at the thought of reading a book and god forbid they actually google up a trustworthy article to confirm some of the bullshit they believe they will do none of this but they will scream and shout about how lgbtq is the problem and magically that is the only "social issue" they care about and they care soo vehemently apparently that they have to post about it and make dArK jOkEs about it and use slurs and degrade them every chance they get because THEY are harmful yes sure you who are actively spreading hate are the angelic saviours of society and a community of people JUST EXISTING are the ones that are harmful, right.

[slytherinshua]

NO FORREALSIES LIKE “how is he a victim” THE DUDE WAS BEING STRANGLED AND WAS HELD AT KNIFE POINT FUCK U MEAN HOW IS HE A VICTIM

He’s just mad the girl of his dreams doesn’t love him like that anymore 😤

side note but Doha is so baby girl but in a totally not bay girl way - this needs no explanation

also you’re so right he’d def worry abt you day and night (i did laugh a little when he shut the door in her face tho)

gosh i have so many requests for him but i don’t wanna over whelm you or anything <3

-🦦 love u btw SMOOCH

again cut for spoilers lmao ksdjksd

NAHHH CAUSE I WAS ROLLING MY EYES AT HIS LOGIC LIKE WE GET THAT UR STILL NOT OVER SOLHEE BUT I HAVE NO SYMPATHY 💀 solhee and doha are better anyway cause doha is too much of a sweetheart and im convinced he can't lie even if he WANTS to. like i swear he just doesn't have it in him to lie to anyone, bro can't even lie to the press.... IMAGINE HIM TRYING TO LIE TO YOU LIKE HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HE'D JUST FAIL LMAO HES SO CUTE

UGH HE IS SO BABY GIRL HES JUST A CUTIE PATOOTIE FRRR 😭

it was funny but also cute and sweet like yeah don't mind the knife that is inches away from my face... lets just shut this door 🥰

feel free to send in all the requests you want cause tbh i don't feel the obligation that some writers do to complete every request that is sent in. i mean i want to, but i also want to write my own ideas as well and if i tried to complete every request, i wouldn't have any time to write things from my own thoughts, you know? but i love requests so much and so much of the time, i get a request im RLY excited for (like the doha texts for example) and i just run to do it right away. requests have helped me get out of writer's block and given me motivation to write 😭 i think that's also why i never want to close my requests. because yeah i have a lot in my inbox, but that doesn't mean there's not room for more that i might be more excited abt writing. cause im not a machine that just writes whatever is sent in, ill write the ones im rly excited abt, and tho i try to write every request, some of them have to be pushed aside for a bit because i have trouble with them

damn that was a long way of explaining that a) i love requests, b) i don't mind you sending in multiple requests, pls do it, and c) i think i have a good mentality for writing as just a hobby and handling requests (lol my sister has gotten worried in the past that i might feel pressured to write requests, but i mean that's exactly what they are: requests.)

i love u too 🫶🫶🫶 srsly having a minhyun anon is so fun!! :(

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy here yet again! i am Now Thinking and remembering that a huge part of why i've never tried to go to therapy or anything is coz like i Know i'd use what i learn to like, manipule ppl better and shit. i enjoy playing w ppl Too much and coz Fun Childhood i've been good at it all my life, but cognitively i recognise its bad so it would be bad and not fair for me to go to therapy and get even better at it and manipulate ppl i love for my own fun. and like even i dont do illegal shit or even like drink alcohol or smoke coz then i can keep the moral high ground in arguments w ppl and i can say whatever i want and call em out on shit and create a fuss for them and stir the pot and they cant call me a hypocrite. like so much of what i do is about making sure i have a level of ability to manipulate and control ppl and situations. so many behaviours which arent explained by autism, idk why i've just brushed all of them aside except that i've gotten bored by overthinking abt them, and ive mostly gotten to a point where they're under control and im content w life

but back to remorse and empathy i honestly just think they're not really necessarily useful things and ppl place so much importance on "oh im such a good person i have so much empathy" but will also use their empathy/remorse to control ppl? like i know ppl w bpd who use their genuine guilt and worries and stuff to get ppl to feel sorry for them and indulge them instead of confronting and working on it. like even ppl w/o mental illness will sometimes try to use the fact they feel bad abt smth to erase their culpability instead of actually fixing their mistakes. it can be confronting for them that some ppl can be like "oh shit i made a mistake. fuck. oh well" (and sometimes fix their mistake/take responsibility) w/o remorse or other emotions to it coz i think it makes them realise their emotion doesnt absolve them

thanks to listening to me ramble!

man i feel that, im also obsessed with having the moral high ground, except i think my view of morality is the best one and everyone else is stupid. also i'm a hypocrite. i also hate hypocrites! yes this in of itself is hypocritical i am aware. do something morally reprehensible? shame on you! doesn't matter that i do the same thing with no intent to stop. its over anakin i have the moral high ground!! i have Standards and Morals and also i'm correct all the time. if i had the death note there would be no story and everything would be okay. i simply would not go mad with power and i'd only kill people who are deserving of it

also yeah i hate the empathy = morality thing i hate it so so so so much. i do think cognitive empathy is a useful tool and remorse can be useful as like, the emotions equivalent of getting spritzed with a water bottle and also you are a cat. do something shitty? feel remorse? my cuck ass is NEVER doing that again!! because remorse felt so bad the first time, why would i risk doing it Again and feeling remorse Again? its just not worth it. but then again if you get more and more used to its presence it wouldnt work all that great and also would suck balls

and i've known a dude w bpd who was like that, and ive known people with good ol fashioned Anxiety Disorder that were like that- worse, even! they thought that bc they had anxiety, they were these cutesy little waifs and anything they did could be rebutted with "but i have anxietttyyyyyy" and everyone was just expected to pity them because of it- no matter what they did! people put too high of an emphasis on emotion as the standard of morality- if you're a scared abuse victim, thats Moral and you are Pitiable, which is Good. however if you fought back, you are Immoral and you are Secretly Probably The Aggressor, which is Bad. (consequently, if you're too scared, that's Moral, however you Didn't Fight Back, which means you were acting Illogically, and Had It Coming, therefore you are Bad) which is hypocritical as fuck! ive taken responsibility w/o remorse and i've takne responsibility with remorse and remorse is Not the important part of this argument, it's emotional intelligence.

[sobachyakukla]

how are people "removed from your internet" like why did ian say that between israel & him i would nmver have to worry about michael again because they removed him from my internet. every time i look him up it generates a page not found image & im wondering if henry had anything to do with this because he would do shit like that, instagating my behavior & then calling me dangerous. its like, a very well known tactic & my therapist told me young men do this when they want to feel vindicated as a victim without being willing to share that title so they start pushing you when they know youre mentally ill & then call you dangerous. i shouldnt be worried about what that type of male thinks of me because i honestly feel really scared of what hes capable of pushing me towards & then acting so innocent. especially since he is thin & reserved. that automatically would make any male cop feel like a million bucks for defending him.

i cant believe my life turned into me talking myself down from hanging myself at the park across the street because a toxic mysoginist wont answer my calls.

yes i made a fucking attempt to look you up every new account i made because the alternative is that your friends are literally on my shit controlling the page returns & controlling what i do & do not have access to. that is scary as fuck. not to mention im the second autistic person that toxic ass dude has done this to, making his unchecked ableism just even more dangerous to the next person like me he unwittingly targets.

i hope he never recieves romantic satisfaction or feels loved ever again. may we suffer as one forever get him out of my head & let me feel my coffee high please

not to mention the worst part thus far is i'd put it down 99% on his friends, i mean i would fuck the everliving christ out of jon its NOT OKAY FOR HIS BULLSHIT VICTIMHOOD TO TAKE MY HORNY ASS & BENCH HER????? also israel mullinex? if that boy is controlling me ID LET IT HAPPEN THEYRE HOT AS FUCK??!??!?!?!?!?!?!? stop all this nonsense im hood rich i travel on public transport bc die hard leftist contributing to public transportation also fear of operating a vehicle with my chronic suicidality but im very attracted to these people & michaels feelings getting hurt (pretty sure he doesnt ever suffer) over me railing the fucking dogshit out of his bandmates is his problem not mine. its not okay. im mad about that the most. but i felt like i had to tell jon who i was. but that was kind of sexy tbh being denied even though i know how attracted we are to each other. id sit on him & wail i mean it. like maybe i just want access to his friends so bad bc they all fall under the category of "traumatised, suicidal, & hot musicians" & that happens to be the very one that makes me tweak my nipples & wipe my upper thigh of p*ssy juice. im disgusting im evil im full of lust & it shouldnt be reciprocated or held to a high standard.

i need to pray & cut myself so i can get the demon out but when i cut for the black blood it takes nearly all of my self control to keep from hitting major areas because i have to get the demon out cut it deep enough for the love to lead it out & the lust to make it leave anything to bleed

bleeding heart jesus chapter zoophile crazy girl let the lamb of god take me of my milk

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I had a therapist who assigned me this real woowoo faux-buddhist text by a white dude and I was.....sketch about it. But she was a good therapist so I read it.

One of the things it talked about was ego, id, etc. With ego specifically it talked about how the ego experiences "me" less as an actual independent concept and more as the perpetuation of itself. Which isn't always great for us because the ego is kind of primarily concerned with wanting to Not Fuck Shit Up Too Badly, and is really prone to "perpetuating itself" through role prescriptivism (shoulds, have tos, etc) and anxiety (what ifs) and can sometimes even stir itself up that way over fears of irrelevance or "boredom" (aka not even enough problem solving to fuss at).

Again. Skeptical. But the more I talked about it with my therapist (and the more we ribbed about the genuinely silly nonsense in the text) the easier it was to see why parts like this were being shared.

I have always been Mad TM. My first entrance into the "severe and persistent mental illness treatment" world was when I was 7yrs old, and it basically never stopped. It was important for me to have names and language for what was happening in my life. It was important for me to know others who experienced similar things and to not have to feel alone in it all. But it also quickly and frequently became important for me not to **identify** with those things **as a person**.

And I wasn't good at that! Largely because I didn't have many people in my life who were good at it, whether for themselves or for me. So even though I had tried not to, I had internalized a lot of things as "me" that were A) deeply distressing or dysfunctional, and B) **undeniably NOT** "me".

My therapist and I talked a lot about that, and little by little it became easier to see the parts of my day to day experiences that were related to my mental health as functional mechanisms in my life I needed to plan around and accommodate rather than as who I was a being. It helped me feel in more control of what needed to change and what was something I had internalized unnecessary shame about. It even helped me shift my day-day experiences enough to clarify diagnoses and substantially improve my quality of life.

I think one of the pieces of this conversation that helped the most was understanding the difference between the language I use to convey myself to others vs who and what I am as a living being. I got to really start viewing language, even role or identity language, as functional and descriptive rather than constraining or creating of self. I can convey my sense of self to others and use this to receive solidarity, compassion, need-meeting, etc. But those words and concepts are not What/Who I Am. They are communication and exploration! In part meaning they are inherently non-static things that MUST change as I do, or they are no longer functional. Weirdly freeing to internalize for me.

Anyway, I know that a lot of people probably do similarly to what I have historically done (or something equivalent in how it interacts with and serves them) in associating communication and being. I don't necessarily think it's bad even cuz there are times being able to perform and cultivate yourself that way matters! But the intentionality/self-direction of that process maybe matters in ways we don't always expect or realize. And when we're in different places on that spectrum of internalization of/alienation from self, it can be easy to talk past each other about this (among other areas of friction).

Ime, not identifying as/with the language you use to convey and access care and community really is important. And that obviously looks different for everyone trying to set it up for themselves, but usually ends up looking surprisingly different for what often feels like semantics.

my advice to everyone is to stop identifying with your mental illness or disorders. centering your identity around being unwell will inhibit you from reaching a destination where you are well.

[3boodr]

bluey gives me like. So many emotions because I only had like. Three channels in the hospital I was stuck in for twenty eight hours. I could barely sleep. All that was on was teen titans go usually, miraclous lady bug, and if I was lucky, bluey. It felt like. A bright light in the darkest tunnel. Such bright colors. Such vibrant music. Cute moments. When everything felt like it was [redacted], it made me feel like I was at the beginning. <-starting to not make sense

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

i genuinely cannot fathom. using someone's idea straight up and then... not. making any allusion to the fact that you didn't come up with it. if the thought never even crosses your mind to credit your friends for things THEY came up with but YOU posted???????? it's just so. unfair and selfish and gross.

[swimfuel]

having myself a little bit of a cryfest over the fact that characters are attached to media lol

[newlyy]

.

[tibby]

on the topic of john kramer's morality i just. idk man ive only seen saw (2004) and watched kill counts on youtube for the rest of the movies bc im too chicken for the level of gore that happens but i have this idea that the accomplices only did what they did bc they had some kind of fucked up stockholm syndrome over jigsaw. as for lawrence i simply cannot wrap my head around it. like jigsaw killed the love of his life and lawrence was like ok pal ill help sew ppl's eyes shut. what?? for why??

oh yeah, with amanda it's definitely stockholm syndrome (i think about this gifset every single day of my life), and it's very sad to watch john talk about how he ~saved her~ from her addiction as if he didn't just introduce her to a whole new world of unhealthy coping mechanisms and both enables/punishes her for it. amanda's traps are unwinnable because amanda doesn't think she's deserving of a second chance, because she doesn't think anyone is. it's just her self harm on a larger scale, punishing others to punish herself, and john being like "oooh you know i hate murderers and you can be better than this" is....ugh. honestly despite being one of my favourites of the franchise i can never bring myself to rewatch saw iii just because the amanda and john stuff is so emotionally draining, and it's made even moreso by the original saw iii script onfirming that amanda grew up with an abusive father. whatever his intentions were, john's psychological games that he uses to "fix" people were never going to work on amanda.

with hoffman he's just blackmailing him because he got mad that hoffman killed his sister's murderer and then framed it as a jigsaw trap (he gets all petty about the work being subpar and like. credit where credit is due to hoffman he built an entire working pendulum rigged to a timer by himself. john would be like "idk let's put two guys in a room and see what happens." let's not throw stones here). which. in my opinion was a horrific idea from the start like maybe DON'T enlist the violent guy driven insane by the brutal murder of the only person he ever loved to carry on your legacy, especially when he kind of hates you for forcing him into it.

(why hoffman continues to jigsaw around after john dies and he's just ruining his own life at this point is beyond me. quit while you're ahead, dude).

but yeah, as to why LAWRENCE becomes an apprentice...i don't know! no context is ever really provided and for all his faults, lawrence was never someone who got joy from hurting people and he wouldn't form an emotional dependence on john the way that amanda did. john had lawrence's wife and daughter held hostage for 18 hours and threatened to kill them! and it's not like he could use them as bargaining tools or claim that they died and lawrence had nothing else, because those are lies that would fall apart so fast. so like...what's in it for him?

in MY mind i think it does lead back to the adam of it all in a weird way. the guilt of not being able to save adam drove lawrence insane especially when he realised that oh, adam never had a chance, because he was only ever meant to be a pawn in lawrence's game. so he just develops this mentality of "i need to help people cherish THEIR lives because ADAM wanted to live and HE didn't get to and if anyone dies in their trap it's because they didn't want it enough." and then. you know. his wife leaves him and gets full custody and lawrence has nothing good going for him so it's easier to just. commit himself to john's cause. after all, john's right, isn't he? all he ever does as a doctor is tell people that they're going to die. at least with his work as an apprentice, he might give them a reason to live.

[archived-and-moving]

Well so... did you like Arcane? Favorite character, moment, etc? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Anon. Oh sweet anon I'm so very sorry you asked this (no im not >:))

Anyway, I loved Arcane. I'd just kind of...decided not to watch it for a few months now, so I missed a lot of the hype when it first came out. (Which, I'm pretty sure will be around 11-ish months while writing this. So uhm. It's been a little bit.) I'm not quite sure why, it's just kind of hard for my brain sometimes, even when my friends really like a piece of media and recommend it to me.

I was actually going on a quick trip, and needed entertainment, so I frantically texted one of my closest friends and boom!!! She recommended I watched Arcane! So finally a downloaded the fourth episode (blaming my phone's funky storage on this one) and watched Happy Progress Day in a good bit of confusion before going back and watching the first three when I got home.

So! Some thoughts: (Spoilers for anyone who's thinking about watching Arcane. It's really good and I truly recommend it, but you will be seriously spoiled if you read any further. You've been warned.)

Favorite Character: Oh!! That's so very hard because I don't think there's a character's writing that I specifically dislike! I enjoy how each and every character is so incredibly interwoven into the plot. However, I think I'm going to have to narrow it down to 3.

First is: Jinx!

Everyone and their mother I feel like has made art about Jinx, and also talked about her, from what little I've seen of the fandom. But goddamn does she deserve it.

She's so incredibly fucked up, but the narrative really makes you understand her actions and why they happen. It almost makes you root for her in a way. The way that her backstory is set up, from start to end is simply incredible.

Each and every path that she faces is another nail in the coffin for what she used to be. Her narrative arc is one of corruption, and her struggle with mental illness is one that is so compelling that whenever the show switches to her POV, I can't help but fist pump and also whisper a horrified "No" at the same time.

Because she's descending into a path of madness driven on by some serious abandonment, a rough life from the get-go, and the urge to convince someone that she's worth the trouble. She's worth it so please please please don't let her go. Don't leave her.

It's such a heartbreaking cycle that truly gets into my emotions and makes me feel. I'm obsessed with the way that the narrative does not throw her away like many of the characters coinciding with her arc are portrayed as doing, but also the way that it balances out her tragic past elements with some absolute badass scenes with such dope action and visuals that the screen she's on is only slightly tinged with sadness.

I wish I could put it into better words, but Jinx is simply off-the-walls in a way that is so unnervingly fun, but also devastating to watch as she scrambles to keep the people she loves close when she feels them drift away.

2. Heimerdinger

You don't understand my love for this eccentric ex-councillor. If I could go out and get lunch with any of these characters it'd be him. I want him to sloppily write all of his ideas on a napkin that I try to decipher for hours, only to fall back onto my bed in defeat.

I want to hear him talk about issues he think are important, and what he finds to be integral to his life. I would literally listen to this dude talk for hours and hours upon end, and watch with childlike wonder at his glorious inventions.

He's literally soooooooo amazing and I love him. I love the way that he was first introduced too!! He's just a goofball who really doesn't try to be funny. And omg when he's wandering the streets and shows the girl the top?? When he finds Ekko???

You literally cannot fathom how wiggily this man makes me feel.

Also I think it's something about his history.

He's seen dangerous devices before. He's seen the rise and the fall of entire planets and populations. He's built a city from the ground up, only upon the idea of progress and the scientific method. He wishes for those around him to let their curiosity take hold and lead them to projects and places all around them.

He truly wishes that everyone has the chance to be a scientist, and he's such an oxymoron. He's a scientist who gets stuck in the ways of his past, and it's a battle that he fights throughout all of his screen-time during the show.

I love Heimerdinger so much <33

Also have you seen his mustache?

[ID: Heimerdinger looking just off to the right, his face contorted in anger with his two fists on a table that reaches up to his waist. END ID]

And finally, last but not least:

Caitlyn Kiramman

This one isn't as rooted in narrative drive as it is for how amazingly Caitlyn fits into the show as a main character simply through her dynamics with other characters alone.

I'm head over heels for her friendship with Jayce. I love the scene that they share in Happy Progress Day, I'm over the moon with the fact that for her investigation she lets Vi go, only to grow to love her as their narrative throws shit at them that they have to face together.

I love that through Caitlyn, we get to see the soft side of Vi come back, the protectivness, the love, and the bickering that comes with it is absolutely a delight. I swear the two of them could have a spin-off Nancy Drew-esc story and I would read it.

And the way that Jinx sees her as a threat? The way that when she sees Vi finding love and being able to cope with her trauma by moving forward, she thinks that there is only one place at Vi's side. That she thinks that Vi is betraying her?

You don't understand. I'm going feral.

I also think that Caitlyn's ambition to do what she loves no matter who tells her otherwise is simply proven wrong. For the girl will be an enforcer, she knows that she will. No one can stop her.

Also she and Vi may or may not be in love and I simply think that that is absolutely a relationship that I need in my life as sapphic (?) myself.

(Honorable mentions go to Viktor and Mel. You both deserve the world and I adore them to bits.)

My favorite things about the show:

Dude. Dude this show is so incredible writing-wise. It tells a compelling story, grappling with so many issues at once and somehow managing to do it all in a clear way. The representation is at it's peak, because these characters are not gay for extra points, they are not black to check off a box. They are deeply thought out characters with narrative arcs that bounce off their traits. They are not simply marketing ploys and it's refreshing. (godDAMN my standards are low)

Anyway the storytelling capabilities that this show pulls off with the dynamic characters bouncing off one another, a seamless timeskip, lore that pulls me in and fascinates me as a consumer, and themes that pique my interest makes it one of my favorite shows of all time.

The art style too. Gah!! I'm in love with the way that the characters' designs work, the way that the lighting is handled in different scenes, the painting look that the models take. It's such an amazing and most likely time-consuming animation style, but it turned into one of the most gorgeous-looking shows that I've ever seen.

And dude. dude. The. The the the. The soundtrack. The incredibly differing soundtrack that varies from song to song, depending on the mood that the show is trying to capture is OUGh. Snakes, Enemy? Such bops, would sprint to them anytime, 11/10.

Favorite scene?

*shaking uncontrollably* The fucking ending one. The last scene takes into account all of the factors that make Arcane such a special show as a whole, and it wraps 'em up in this nice little present for the show to end off on.

The way that Silco is killed like any other man, the way that betrayal bleeds into his eyes as he dies, acceptance in his words as Jinx cradles his head in her hands, apologizing profusely for what she's done.

The narrative parallel to the line "She's a loose canon" so much earlier in the show is a stab to the heart as you watch the light fade from his eyes.

The way that What Could Have Been plays hauntingly through the entire scene, the viewer's eyes dreading the way that it's about to end. And the way that the characters' expressions twist in different ways as the final missile blows into the council window, the way that Mel's figure is highlighted before it's hit.

There are many scenes that are incredible, but this one might be my up at one of my favorites of all time.

To get even more specific, the way that Caitlyn's slow motion sob turns into her mother's resigned face as she makes her vote--that part literally broke me.

I think that literally might be my favorite shot in the entire show.

Anyway, to summarize my incredibly long post of thoughts, Arcane is a cinematic masterpiece, and I wish I could go into more detail, but it's like 12am and my brain isn't really up to the task. Thank you so much for the ask, needless to say, I loved the show to bits <33