#DUDE why the fuck are you mad at me im so fucking mentally ill

[3boodr]

bluey gives me like. So many emotions because I only had like. Three channels in the hospital I was stuck in for twenty eight hours. I could barely sleep. All that was on was teen titans go usually, miraclous lady bug, and if I was lucky, bluey. It felt like. A bright light in the darkest tunnel. Such bright colors. Such vibrant music. Cute moments. When everything felt like it was [redacted], it made me feel like I was at the beginning. <-starting to not make sense

[gunkbaby]

being on tumblr is crazy bc u can be 17 and doing ur thing and get jumped by a random 30 yr old you’ve never interacted with before

[my-brain-soup]

I've Never Seen Luka, But Jon Kent Has

Basically I've never watched Luka but I read a fanfic where Jon gets the teen titans to watch it (parallels are drawn between Luca and Alberto and Jon and Damian) so now I will be watching it and writing the thoughts I have during it

No I will not give context and spoiler warning ig

Love the music during the studio logos

We love a superstitious king, I mean, I have a feeling he has a point

IF THEY HIT HIM IMMA BE SO PISSED

Awww, he's such a polite little guy

Luca is a farm boy!!! I love my little Jon Kent varient :)

I, too, would risk my life for shiny object

I, too, do the murder

OMG THEIR SO JON AND DAMIAN BUT LIKE BEING HUMAN IS BEING A VIGILANTE AND ITS THE SAME AS THEIR START BASICALLY I LOVE THEM

HE EVEN HAS THE SUPERMAN CURL

Dami would say he invented walking

And pretend he's not proud of Jon

THEYRE SO CUTESY

Bruno? Or Bruce...o... you get the idea

Sorry, they have Luca grab Alberto like that and expect me not to see them as the most adorable little guy love story? Their so crushing on each other

"You're so lucky your dad lets you do what you want," cue Superman's comment about Bruce getting hit on the head all the time

NO WAY THEIR SENDING HIM TO (basically) BOARDING SCHOOL TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THE "bad influence" THAT IS ALBERTO

Yes! Grandma, my queen!

"We can do anything" I love this movie

MY FRIEND SMELLS AMAZING

God I don't know her name yet but I love her

JULIA OR HOWEVER YOU SAY IT

We're not telling you our secrets! Tells secrets immediately.

FROM EVERYTHING YOU LOVE?????

I love Alberto so muchhhhhh

I love Mr dad human

Oh they know SOO many fish

No way everyone, including an adult, just saw that bitch rob some kids and didn't do shit

He is a sad little catfish

Why are his parents actually crazy

Aww, Alberto doesn't want to lose his friend

Noooooooo

Luca just wants to learn, and Alberto just wants to feel loved :(

How is the gayest looking dude there being homophobic?

When your new father figue wants to kill your entire species

Alberto got mad when Julia touched Luca's hand...

Why does Luca's hair looks like a croissant

NO LUCA WTF

I WAS ALMOST ON YOUR SIDE

GOD WHAT THE HELL

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, I LOVE YOU PLEASE DONT KILL YOUR NEW SON

FUCK.

IM NOT CRYING.

Nooooo

Their fort :(

BESTIE NO

NO ALBERTO MY BABY NO

STOP PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY SO YOU DONT GET HURT. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK

God the organizer adult lady us such a bitch

Why is no one concerned that the scuba kid isn't coming up for air?

Aww, his little clap self tap in

It's totally about to rain

Well shit. Sometimes I hate when I'm right

WAIT WAS THAT ALBERTO

I TAKE IT BACK I LOVE WHEN IM RIGHT

FUCK

NO I TAKE IT BACK AGAIN

I love them so much!!!!

MR DAD HUMAN NO

MR DAD HUMAN YES

YAYYYY

KING

Is the mom the same person that voiced Aunt Cass in big hero 6?

YES LOVE ME THE OLD LADIES

I decided it is a metaphor for older lgbtq people, feeling able to come out after younger generations have proved that times have changed, I love them

(They're sisters, so they're not together, but they can still be gay!)

BRO ITS SO ABOUT BEING GAY I LOVE THIS MOVIE

BRO ALBERTO

THOSE LITTLE LOOKS

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE

JULIA 100% KNOWS

About his crush, not just Luca going to school

AHHHH HES SO SWEET

YES, MR DAD HUMAN, YOU NEED EACH OTHER

Their in love, your honor

THEIR LITTLE HAND HOLDING THING I CANT

IM SO MENTALLY ILL FOR GAY FISH

IM CRYING AGAIN

AHHH, THEY RIGHT EACH OTHER LETTERS

ALBERTO LOOKS SO SMITTEN WHEN THEY'RE ON THE PHONE

ALBERTO GETS HIS KNIFE

DOES HE BECOME A LIFEGAURD???

I love this movie

So much

DAMIAN ALSO HAS A CAT AND JON ALSO HAS A DOG

Also, here is my formal apology, her name is spelled Giulia, my b

Alberto learns to carve wood, awww

Also, does Luca EVER get shoes?

I've decided I need an Alberto to become a tattoo artist future au, at least like on the side or for fun or sm

The dedication is adorable

Yes, I just watched all of the credits. What about it?

I was rewarded with an after credits scene, so fuck you.

I'm gonna watch all the deleted scenes now, I'm not gonna specify which one so have fun guessing

Haha, they called Alberto and Luca the main relationship

BOO STOP TRYING TO GIVE LUCA A CRUSH ON GIULIA

YES ALBERTO CHEER ON THE KRAKEN AGAINST THE HUNTER

YES! CONFORMED LUCA A GIULIA ONLY PLATONIC

Also, she was almost a photographer, like TIM DRAKE?!?!?

Don't worry, Luca, I'll ride in a barrel lit on fire down a hill with you

Awww, they were raised by a lobsterrr

BRING BACK CANNED SEA MONSTER FACTORY

OH SEA MONSTER CAN PASS BUT IF THEIR FOUND OUT THE CONSEQUENCES MIGHT BE REALKY DIRE??? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME.

Oh, Jon is extremely charming

I love how they used different animation styles (in how they had the characters move) on land and in the water

PH THE TRANSFORMATION ISN'T CELEBRATED IN LUCAS FAMILY AND HE MAKES IT A CONSIOUS DEASITION TO CHANGE HIS THINKING FROM I SHOULDNT DO THIS TO I SHOULD EMBRASE THIS? SOUNDS KINDA GAY TO ME

Bro, not the first version where Alberto outs Luca to Giulia, eek

And finally, Ciao Alberto!

Aww, Luca wants to see to Portorosso!

THE GAY OLD LADY SISTERS ARE DEFINITELY CLOSE WITH ALBERTO, AND I LOVE IT FOR ALL OF THEM

He finally has people who care about him!!!

AWW ALBERTO JUST WANTS MR DAD HUMAN TO BE PROUD OF HIM

Alberto, you do NOT got this

DONT LIGHT THE BOAT ON FIRE

OH SHIT

Noooo!!! Don't leave!!!

YOU'RE NOT HIS EMPLOYEE, YOU'RE HIS SON

HE CALLED HIM DAD!!!

YAY HUGS

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

MY HEART

I CANT

I love Alberto being an artist (a bad one, for now, but still and artist)

Okay, that's it, Ciao :)

[xx-ghost-rat-xx]

im so pissed today. why the fuck did people circulate callout posts about me in high school. and make me completely isolated and alone. the callout posts were clearly also all just basically "hey no way, this mentally ill person shows symptoms of mental illness! better refuse to even look in their i mean h i mean his direction ever unless youre going to harass it! oh yeah i think hes probably lying about being a 'trans girl' anyway" dude i was an anorexic meth addict who routinely tried to kill herself and slept in fucking canyons and just. fuck you. im so mad. ive never been shown any care or given any help just got fucking shunned and abused by every community ive been forced to be a part of. i deserve so much fucking better. i hate cis people. i hate the way everyone treated me as a visibly transgender teenager. like i wasnt worth fucking anything ever. like i was a walking disease. fuck you all im going to get revenge. my first revenge will be my own happiness and success and comfort. my second revenge will be carving out a space in this world for myself and people like me to love each other and never have to be at the mercy of fucking assholes like you ever again.

[jennilah]

I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

[pitbullwithaship]

DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG 2009 SPECIAL THE END OF TIME (PART 1)

Okay, I think I might be emotionally prepared for both of the parts of this. Time to watch, wish me mental stability!

Planet Earth Intro

Oh there's a documentary narrator lol

Hello christmas

WILF HELLO

Pretty singing, gorgeous singing

Those kids are good

Tardis cameo?

THE SAINTED PHYSICIAN LOL

Spooky woman?

Evil laughter?

Hi Doctor (he's mentally ill)

Hi Ood (he is aware of the Doctor's mental illness)

Snowy day

Ooh pretty city

Ood prophet cool

More evil laughter?? Hello?

Which man is dead

The Master? Maybe tis his wife at least (poor her)

WHATY WHAT TIS WEIRD GALLIFREYAN THINGY

HES ALIVE THEN WHAT

It's not nice when time starts bleeding

Poor Lucy

Weird woman on the TV?

Okay resurrection generally isn't the greatest choice

This is culty

Til death do them part she's awesome

Person running? Master running?

I love Wilf he's so silly

Lol sending out the troops to find the Doctor

Okay so the Master is even more insane than before

Yay Obama

Creepy as hell my dude

That's horrifying

That's ultra horrifying jeez

Hello Doctor

Epic chase through a garbage dump

"Let me help" oh come on you've tried that before

Old people gang up to take a photo with him lol

Gets groped

Don't be sulky Doctor

HE WILL KNOCK FOUR TIMES OH MY GOSH

Dude course you'll die that's just what happens

Not changed no

Aww hello Shaun Temple

They're cute, and he's glad she's happy, he's the ultimate depressed bestie

Merry Fucking Christmas

Awww he misses her so much!! This is so sad!!!

Doctor where are you going now!?

Idiots and fools

Dramatic western faceoff

WALKS FROM AN EXPLOSION HELLO

I've said before, he's quite good at getting electrocuted

He's also vaguely suicidal but at the same time desperate to stay alive

Oh I know, he has the fear of death that only one who'd like to die can have

We can hear it

HE HEARD IT

You are mad my dude

Flying light thing? Hello

Oh it's the government then I assume

Poor Doctor

Oh generic rich powerful dude has a book

HELLO DONNA?

Oh generic rich powerful dude has the Master

Okay generic rich powerful people are evil generic rich powerful people

The war was won and passed you by

Aww he never killed that wonderful I live Wilf

Usually if people say "whatever you do don't tell so-and-so" you should probably tell so-and-so

Pistol

He loves her so much

Fair enough lol

Sylvia gurl

I thought it'd be cleaner I love Wilf

Wilf and Doctor friendship is the most pure flawless amazing one ever

Scientists rebelling maybe?

Nope those are aliens

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP TRYING FOR IMMORTALITY ITS BAD

If the censoring thing on the tardis got broken the Doctor would be scandalized by the amount of swearing his companions all do but especially wilf and donna

Shimmer shimmer

I love aka hate how he's wearing a dog collar

Bondage

Oh shit

Oh dear

I guess they hide the presidents face cuz they couldn't get a real Barack Obama cameo which sucks

No he's not gonna love this

Oh dear a planet of Masters

Oh dearie me

That's disturbing

That's incredibly disturbing holy cows

THE TIME LORDS RETURNED IM SORRY WHAT HELLO THE NARRATOR IS A TIME LORD TOO WHY DO THEY WANT TO END TIME I THOUGHT THEY WERE STUFFY AND LAW ABIDING

[muttfangs]

I already ranted to myself about this to process my thoughts while I was milling about my apartment getting ready for work, but i'm gonna kvetch about it here too so ┑(￣Д ￣)┍ ~boy problemz~

i'm not really sure what 'aura' or 'impression' I give off to the boys these days, but like… I keep attracting men who definitely see me as a 'caretaker' or 'father' role and it's like… no, dude. I'm BARELY recovered (and oftentimes still recovering!!) from major lifelong trauma and mental illness. I CANNOT emotionally nurse you back to health. that's a job for a licensed professional, not a scruff hook up / fling. and I know I'm hot, confident, and kind, but I have boundaries. my last ex (who I briefly mentioned here in a barking post, I'm sure) was incredibly mentally / emotionally manipulative. they would lovebomb me and then make me fret and hem and haww over them because they'd text or say things to me that were super worrisome or suicidal. I know they struggle with mental health. I do too. but they would drag me down and guilt me into an emotional tar pit with them against my will multiple times a week, and it fucked me up really badly. meanwhile, the entire time I was emotionally and energetically burnt to a crisp while trying to 'save' this person I cared about. this entire time, they used me. they saw me as a cute emotional punching bag. and when I finally set my foot down and told them "no, I'm uncomfortable with a 50 year old cis man fucking you when you don't show any sexual desire for me", they immediately twisted the situation to make me out like the bad guy.

"you can't get mad at me for this when we're in an open relationship to begin with and my friends agree with me"

FUCK you. I'm justified in my anger. you don't know how emasculating and invalidating it feels TO ME when you want to get railed by some random 50 year old cis man… but you wont touch me, your trans masc partner, because you're very obviously repulsed by my anatomy. I'm not stupid, I picked up on your consistent repulsion and avoidance when I'd ask you about sex. you're a terrible liar. and why THE FUCK do you have to ask your friends for validation during a conflict that is about YOU and ME?

fuck this. FUCK YOU. bitch.

...so, this leads me into a different cis gay who I hooked up with… literally once… He seems like a normal enough guy (literally saved as 'normal david' in my phone… lol ╮（╯＿╰）╭). I don't usually vibe with normies, they're. you know. boring to me. but he's fine for a hook up! the sex was decent, at the very least it was cathartic and I got some excess horny energy expelled.

anyways. the evening after we hooked up, he drunk texted me around midnight. it wasn't anything super strange just sorta like "I'm drunk and idk why I'm up this late. Lol" which is like, you know, innocuous enough. but he drunk texted me a couple times after that and it sorta just. makes me go 'hmmmmMM' I bring this up because, one of the drunk text conversations we had was him feeling really lonely and disappointed in himself. which is like, word yeah. I understand and empathize with that. I offered for him to hang out with me and my bros sometime, and as a heads up (for allergen reasons), I let him know like. we do smoke weed when we hang out! and you can feel free to not partake, but thats absolutely something we do. … and he immediately snubbed me by condescending to me about how weed is gross, it smells bad, it's a drug, etcetc. like. ya. I know. and thats a personal preference. JUST LIKE I PREFER TO NOT DRINK BUT I WILL SOCIALLY. I let him know we can smoke on the porch so he doesn't have to smell it, and he went on a mini tangent about why he hates weed and I just.

BRO. IM TRYING TO BE KIND AND OFFER YOU QUEER COMMUNITY. why on earth!! are you patronizing to me about recreational smoke sessions right now!!

and you know. I'm trying to be kind and empathetic so I explain to him like, alright. The offer is still there if you ever want it! but simultaneously, please don't condescend to me about the fact that me and my friends smoke weed. It's unnecessary and it's your preference, just as recreationally smoking is ours. and drinking is yours.

he drunk texted me… again… last night at 1am and like.

IM SENSING A PATTERN HERE. OF MESSED UP QUEER MEN WHO WANT ME TO CARE FOR THEM AND ONLY CARE FOR THEM WITHOUT ME RECEIVING ANY SORT OF RECIPROCAL EFFORT OR CARE PUT INTO THE SITUATION. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

god fuck my life. I talked about this w/ my therapist and like… I realize this isn't my fault. because my recent ex is a fully sentient, conscious human being who chose to make these decisions to exploit me and knew. same with normal david (to a lesser extent… bc I'm cutting this off today before it festers into yet another 'one-way fatherly situationship that I do not want and is also emotionally violating / burning me'). ...but it still sucks. I did get really, severely freaked out about my ex because I fell into this pattern that I've fallen into with previous people I've dated. where I see someone with 'potential', and I empathize with their mental illness and struggles as a queer person greatly and I want to help! genuinely! … and then it just turns into them being an emotional black hole and deflecting / ignoring the tangible, real ways I can help them so they can sink further and further into themselves while I desperately try to fish them out of the void they created. I'm convinced this was part of my ex's like… 'thing'. it was validating to them for me to panic over them when they'd text me shit like 'I need to disappear' because it meant I actually gave a shit about them. I hate people who view my confidence and genuine goodwill as something they can take for granted whenever the need arises. and I hate people who view me as "yeah you're good enough for now while I finda REAL MAN to date because youre KINDA LIKE A MAN". I'm tired of people seeing me as a stepping stone to 'something better', and treating me as disposable once they've bled me dry. This has been the situation with the past…. four or so of my exes.

Fuck them. I deserve better. I'm a good person. I'm kind. I'm growing. I'm putting the work in to deconstruct and heal my traumas. and I deserve affection, understanding, communication, kindness, respect, and love.

I will not settle for any less.

[definitelynotnia]

sorry i have to rant or i will cry i hate when im so angry that the anger comes out as tears

tw: random guy being a general asshole abt lgbtq and trans ppl so if you dont wanna deal with that today, cz ik there's already enough hate literally everywhere online, then please save yourself from this burden and move along, i hope u have a nice day bcz if i cant then someone should

i just spent my whole afternoon arguing with this guy- it was such a waste of my time i haven't slept properly last night and i wanted to take a nap but my nap time is GONE i hate this i told him im done with this conversation and that i dont give a shit about him enough to want to educate him on things and have him change his opinion i TOLD HIM IM DONE i told him that he can keep his opinion shoved up his ass and as long as he doesn't bully people i dont give a shit i was READY TO GO TAKE MY NAP but nooo this bitch is like "just say you've run out of valid points" like BITCH NO.

i can't have valid points to counter you with because all the points ur giving me are utter bullshit like how the fuck am i supposed to reply to "ppl assigned male at birth wearing skirts and make up is worse than war" like WHAT???? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF??? ARE YOU INSANE? what the fuck am i supposed to respond to that with? except that trans people aren't hurting anyone and war is, and he's like "at least war can be contained, these people are spoiling the mentality of the youth" like YOU ARE THE SPOILED YOUTH not the other way around, im like listen if you were really pressed about children and how trans inclusivity impacts children then you would have at least read more about that but if your first point is only "they're doing surgery on children" then clearly you have not even done as much as a simple google search so we both know that you just heard that in some random reel and went with it and you dont give two shits about the supposed 'children being made to undergo surgery', which they're not, and all you actually care about is looking cool and edgy by hating on the lgbtq community because thats whats in trend right now in india. he's like these people are too privileged why cant they just shut up and enjoy life they are rich like first of all rich people can have problems too??? also being able to afford therapy and gender affirming care does not equal to rich thats like saying if someone in ur family has any chronic illness ur automatically rich like ??? also poor people are trans too? and im so sick of these ppl thinking being trans is just an american thing or a first world problem like brother no? you are literally living in india trans people are mentioned in the FUCKING SCRIPTURES are u KIDDING ME? being trans is not a new sudden occurence its been there for longer than you have. like literally after 2 hours of conversation the only points he could think of to hate on lgbtq for no reason is

they are rich and privileged so they shouldnt have problems

if they have a problem with their gender they should keep it to themself and not fight it (??????)

they are running from their problems (they are literally solving the problem thats the part which everyone is mad abt its when trans people try to solve the problem by being okay with expressing themselves freely and to counter i said that even alcoholics are running from their problems ive never seen any of u andrew tate cocksuckers ever make a "joke" bullying alcoholics he's like thats different like literally all his "points" are him just saying whatever and then if u try to explain it with logic he'll be like no but thats ok bcz i said so and this is wrong bcz i said so like fuck you dude)

they shouldnt have rallies and stuff because there's more important things like war that the government should focus on (he was the one who said "war is a beacon of peace there cannot be peace without war" when i had first mentioned that its ironic that out of all the bad things happening in the world rn LIKE war the biggest thing he's worried about is a "man" wearing a skirt but ok sure now all of a sudden war is a big boo boo and we should all be focusing on that, so basically when he wants to hate on ppl war is irrelevant but when a marginalised group wants to fight for their rights that time war is the most important point and no one elses suffering is valid bcz there is war)

it is spoiling today's youth (im not even gonna talk about this because i do not see how people living their lives and just existing is considered "spoiled" and "corrupt" but people regularly hating on, bullying and degrading a whole ass community just because they are uneducated swines lacking critical thinking skills and a spine that saw some 'famous' youtuber or influencer or wtv or maybe a reel with 'dark humor' dissing on lgbtq and pronouns and 'blue haired girls' and now they thing they're oh so cool and edgy and dIfFeReNt and "not like those woke snowflakes" just cz they degrade and bully a whole community of people every chance they get)

im so done im SO DONE with this bullshit its EVERYWHERE its a trend now to be hateful and mean and an asshole to anyone who isnt "normal" according to heteronormative standards. i understand not having an opinion, to some extent ok i get it you're young you don't need to be involved in this yet but no, they want to have an opinion but they will do no research they physically shudder at the thought of reading a book and god forbid they actually google up a trustworthy article to confirm some of the bullshit they believe they will do none of this but they will scream and shout about how lgbtq is the problem and magically that is the only "social issue" they care about and they care soo vehemently apparently that they have to post about it and make dArK jOkEs about it and use slurs and degrade them every chance they get because THEY are harmful yes sure you who are actively spreading hate are the angelic saviours of society and a community of people JUST EXISTING are the ones that are harmful, right.

[slytherinshua]

NO FORREALSIES LIKE “how is he a victim” THE DUDE WAS BEING STRANGLED AND WAS HELD AT KNIFE POINT FUCK U MEAN HOW IS HE A VICTIM

He’s just mad the girl of his dreams doesn’t love him like that anymore 😤

side note but Doha is so baby girl but in a totally not bay girl way - this needs no explanation

also you’re so right he’d def worry abt you day and night (i did laugh a little when he shut the door in her face tho)

gosh i have so many requests for him but i don’t wanna over whelm you or anything <3

-🦦 love u btw SMOOCH

again cut for spoilers lmao ksdjksd

NAHHH CAUSE I WAS ROLLING MY EYES AT HIS LOGIC LIKE WE GET THAT UR STILL NOT OVER SOLHEE BUT I HAVE NO SYMPATHY 💀 solhee and doha are better anyway cause doha is too much of a sweetheart and im convinced he can't lie even if he WANTS to. like i swear he just doesn't have it in him to lie to anyone, bro can't even lie to the press.... IMAGINE HIM TRYING TO LIE TO YOU LIKE HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HE'D JUST FAIL LMAO HES SO CUTE

UGH HE IS SO BABY GIRL HES JUST A CUTIE PATOOTIE FRRR 😭

it was funny but also cute and sweet like yeah don't mind the knife that is inches away from my face... lets just shut this door 🥰

feel free to send in all the requests you want cause tbh i don't feel the obligation that some writers do to complete every request that is sent in. i mean i want to, but i also want to write my own ideas as well and if i tried to complete every request, i wouldn't have any time to write things from my own thoughts, you know? but i love requests so much and so much of the time, i get a request im RLY excited for (like the doha texts for example) and i just run to do it right away. requests have helped me get out of writer's block and given me motivation to write 😭 i think that's also why i never want to close my requests. because yeah i have a lot in my inbox, but that doesn't mean there's not room for more that i might be more excited abt writing. cause im not a machine that just writes whatever is sent in, ill write the ones im rly excited abt, and tho i try to write every request, some of them have to be pushed aside for a bit because i have trouble with them

damn that was a long way of explaining that a) i love requests, b) i don't mind you sending in multiple requests, pls do it, and c) i think i have a good mentality for writing as just a hobby and handling requests (lol my sister has gotten worried in the past that i might feel pressured to write requests, but i mean that's exactly what they are: requests.)

i love u too 🫶🫶🫶 srsly having a minhyun anon is so fun!! :(

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy here yet again! i am Now Thinking and remembering that a huge part of why i've never tried to go to therapy or anything is coz like i Know i'd use what i learn to like, manipule ppl better and shit. i enjoy playing w ppl Too much and coz Fun Childhood i've been good at it all my life, but cognitively i recognise its bad so it would be bad and not fair for me to go to therapy and get even better at it and manipulate ppl i love for my own fun. and like even i dont do illegal shit or even like drink alcohol or smoke coz then i can keep the moral high ground in arguments w ppl and i can say whatever i want and call em out on shit and create a fuss for them and stir the pot and they cant call me a hypocrite. like so much of what i do is about making sure i have a level of ability to manipulate and control ppl and situations. so many behaviours which arent explained by autism, idk why i've just brushed all of them aside except that i've gotten bored by overthinking abt them, and ive mostly gotten to a point where they're under control and im content w life

but back to remorse and empathy i honestly just think they're not really necessarily useful things and ppl place so much importance on "oh im such a good person i have so much empathy" but will also use their empathy/remorse to control ppl? like i know ppl w bpd who use their genuine guilt and worries and stuff to get ppl to feel sorry for them and indulge them instead of confronting and working on it. like even ppl w/o mental illness will sometimes try to use the fact they feel bad abt smth to erase their culpability instead of actually fixing their mistakes. it can be confronting for them that some ppl can be like "oh shit i made a mistake. fuck. oh well" (and sometimes fix their mistake/take responsibility) w/o remorse or other emotions to it coz i think it makes them realise their emotion doesnt absolve them

thanks to listening to me ramble!

man i feel that, im also obsessed with having the moral high ground, except i think my view of morality is the best one and everyone else is stupid. also i'm a hypocrite. i also hate hypocrites! yes this in of itself is hypocritical i am aware. do something morally reprehensible? shame on you! doesn't matter that i do the same thing with no intent to stop. its over anakin i have the moral high ground!! i have Standards and Morals and also i'm correct all the time. if i had the death note there would be no story and everything would be okay. i simply would not go mad with power and i'd only kill people who are deserving of it

also yeah i hate the empathy = morality thing i hate it so so so so much. i do think cognitive empathy is a useful tool and remorse can be useful as like, the emotions equivalent of getting spritzed with a water bottle and also you are a cat. do something shitty? feel remorse? my cuck ass is NEVER doing that again!! because remorse felt so bad the first time, why would i risk doing it Again and feeling remorse Again? its just not worth it. but then again if you get more and more used to its presence it wouldnt work all that great and also would suck balls

and i've known a dude w bpd who was like that, and ive known people with good ol fashioned Anxiety Disorder that were like that- worse, even! they thought that bc they had anxiety, they were these cutesy little waifs and anything they did could be rebutted with "but i have anxietttyyyyyy" and everyone was just expected to pity them because of it- no matter what they did! people put too high of an emphasis on emotion as the standard of morality- if you're a scared abuse victim, thats Moral and you are Pitiable, which is Good. however if you fought back, you are Immoral and you are Secretly Probably The Aggressor, which is Bad. (consequently, if you're too scared, that's Moral, however you Didn't Fight Back, which means you were acting Illogically, and Had It Coming, therefore you are Bad) which is hypocritical as fuck! ive taken responsibility w/o remorse and i've takne responsibility with remorse and remorse is Not the important part of this argument, it's emotional intelligence.

[sobachyakukla]

how are people "removed from your internet" like why did ian say that between israel & him i would nmver have to worry about michael again because they removed him from my internet. every time i look him up it generates a page not found image & im wondering if henry had anything to do with this because he would do shit like that, instagating my behavior & then calling me dangerous. its like, a very well known tactic & my therapist told me young men do this when they want to feel vindicated as a victim without being willing to share that title so they start pushing you when they know youre mentally ill & then call you dangerous. i shouldnt be worried about what that type of male thinks of me because i honestly feel really scared of what hes capable of pushing me towards & then acting so innocent. especially since he is thin & reserved. that automatically would make any male cop feel like a million bucks for defending him.

i cant believe my life turned into me talking myself down from hanging myself at the park across the street because a toxic mysoginist wont answer my calls.

yes i made a fucking attempt to look you up every new account i made because the alternative is that your friends are literally on my shit controlling the page returns & controlling what i do & do not have access to. that is scary as fuck. not to mention im the second autistic person that toxic ass dude has done this to, making his unchecked ableism just even more dangerous to the next person like me he unwittingly targets.

i hope he never recieves romantic satisfaction or feels loved ever again. may we suffer as one forever get him out of my head & let me feel my coffee high please

not to mention the worst part thus far is i'd put it down 99% on his friends, i mean i would fuck the everliving christ out of jon its NOT OKAY FOR HIS BULLSHIT VICTIMHOOD TO TAKE MY HORNY ASS & BENCH HER????? also israel mullinex? if that boy is controlling me ID LET IT HAPPEN THEYRE HOT AS FUCK??!??!?!?!?!?!?!? stop all this nonsense im hood rich i travel on public transport bc die hard leftist contributing to public transportation also fear of operating a vehicle with my chronic suicidality but im very attracted to these people & michaels feelings getting hurt (pretty sure he doesnt ever suffer) over me railing the fucking dogshit out of his bandmates is his problem not mine. its not okay. im mad about that the most. but i felt like i had to tell jon who i was. but that was kind of sexy tbh being denied even though i know how attracted we are to each other. id sit on him & wail i mean it. like maybe i just want access to his friends so bad bc they all fall under the category of "traumatised, suicidal, & hot musicians" & that happens to be the very one that makes me tweak my nipples & wipe my upper thigh of p*ssy juice. im disgusting im evil im full of lust & it shouldnt be reciprocated or held to a high standard.

i need to pray & cut myself so i can get the demon out but when i cut for the black blood it takes nearly all of my self control to keep from hitting major areas because i have to get the demon out cut it deep enough for the love to lead it out & the lust to make it leave anything to bleed

bleeding heart jesus chapter zoophile crazy girl let the lamb of god take me of my milk

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I had a therapist who assigned me this real woowoo faux-buddhist text by a white dude and I was.....sketch about it. But she was a good therapist so I read it.

One of the things it talked about was ego, id, etc. With ego specifically it talked about how the ego experiences "me" less as an actual independent concept and more as the perpetuation of itself. Which isn't always great for us because the ego is kind of primarily concerned with wanting to Not Fuck Shit Up Too Badly, and is really prone to "perpetuating itself" through role prescriptivism (shoulds, have tos, etc) and anxiety (what ifs) and can sometimes even stir itself up that way over fears of irrelevance or "boredom" (aka not even enough problem solving to fuss at).

Again. Skeptical. But the more I talked about it with my therapist (and the more we ribbed about the genuinely silly nonsense in the text) the easier it was to see why parts like this were being shared.

I have always been Mad TM. My first entrance into the "severe and persistent mental illness treatment" world was when I was 7yrs old, and it basically never stopped. It was important for me to have names and language for what was happening in my life. It was important for me to know others who experienced similar things and to not have to feel alone in it all. But it also quickly and frequently became important for me not to **identify** with those things **as a person**.

And I wasn't good at that! Largely because I didn't have many people in my life who were good at it, whether for themselves or for me. So even though I had tried not to, I had internalized a lot of things as "me" that were A) deeply distressing or dysfunctional, and B) **undeniably NOT** "me".

My therapist and I talked a lot about that, and little by little it became easier to see the parts of my day to day experiences that were related to my mental health as functional mechanisms in my life I needed to plan around and accommodate rather than as who I was a being. It helped me feel in more control of what needed to change and what was something I had internalized unnecessary shame about. It even helped me shift my day-day experiences enough to clarify diagnoses and substantially improve my quality of life.

I think one of the pieces of this conversation that helped the most was understanding the difference between the language I use to convey myself to others vs who and what I am as a living being. I got to really start viewing language, even role or identity language, as functional and descriptive rather than constraining or creating of self. I can convey my sense of self to others and use this to receive solidarity, compassion, need-meeting, etc. But those words and concepts are not What/Who I Am. They are communication and exploration! In part meaning they are inherently non-static things that MUST change as I do, or they are no longer functional. Weirdly freeing to internalize for me.

Anyway, I know that a lot of people probably do similarly to what I have historically done (or something equivalent in how it interacts with and serves them) in associating communication and being. I don't necessarily think it's bad even cuz there are times being able to perform and cultivate yourself that way matters! But the intentionality/self-direction of that process maybe matters in ways we don't always expect or realize. And when we're in different places on that spectrum of internalization of/alienation from self, it can be easy to talk past each other about this (among other areas of friction).

Ime, not identifying as/with the language you use to convey and access care and community really is important. And that obviously looks different for everyone trying to set it up for themselves, but usually ends up looking surprisingly different for what often feels like semantics.

my advice to everyone is to stop identifying with your mental illness or disorders. centering your identity around being unwell will inhibit you from reaching a destination where you are well.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

i genuinely cannot fathom. using someone's idea straight up and then... not. making any allusion to the fact that you didn't come up with it. if the thought never even crosses your mind to credit your friends for things THEY came up with but YOU posted???????? it's just so. unfair and selfish and gross.

[swimfuel]

having myself a little bit of a cryfest over the fact that characters are attached to media lol

[newlyy]

.

[tibby]

on the topic of john kramer's morality i just. idk man ive only seen saw (2004) and watched kill counts on youtube for the rest of the movies bc im too chicken for the level of gore that happens but i have this idea that the accomplices only did what they did bc they had some kind of fucked up stockholm syndrome over jigsaw. as for lawrence i simply cannot wrap my head around it. like jigsaw killed the love of his life and lawrence was like ok pal ill help sew ppl's eyes shut. what?? for why??

oh yeah, with amanda it's definitely stockholm syndrome (i think about this gifset every single day of my life), and it's very sad to watch john talk about how he ~saved her~ from her addiction as if he didn't just introduce her to a whole new world of unhealthy coping mechanisms and both enables/punishes her for it. amanda's traps are unwinnable because amanda doesn't think she's deserving of a second chance, because she doesn't think anyone is. it's just her self harm on a larger scale, punishing others to punish herself, and john being like "oooh you know i hate murderers and you can be better than this" is....ugh. honestly despite being one of my favourites of the franchise i can never bring myself to rewatch saw iii just because the amanda and john stuff is so emotionally draining, and it's made even moreso by the original saw iii script onfirming that amanda grew up with an abusive father. whatever his intentions were, john's psychological games that he uses to "fix" people were never going to work on amanda.

with hoffman he's just blackmailing him because he got mad that hoffman killed his sister's murderer and then framed it as a jigsaw trap (he gets all petty about the work being subpar and like. credit where credit is due to hoffman he built an entire working pendulum rigged to a timer by himself. john would be like "idk let's put two guys in a room and see what happens." let's not throw stones here). which. in my opinion was a horrific idea from the start like maybe DON'T enlist the violent guy driven insane by the brutal murder of the only person he ever loved to carry on your legacy, especially when he kind of hates you for forcing him into it.

(why hoffman continues to jigsaw around after john dies and he's just ruining his own life at this point is beyond me. quit while you're ahead, dude).

but yeah, as to why LAWRENCE becomes an apprentice...i don't know! no context is ever really provided and for all his faults, lawrence was never someone who got joy from hurting people and he wouldn't form an emotional dependence on john the way that amanda did. john had lawrence's wife and daughter held hostage for 18 hours and threatened to kill them! and it's not like he could use them as bargaining tools or claim that they died and lawrence had nothing else, because those are lies that would fall apart so fast. so like...what's in it for him?

in MY mind i think it does lead back to the adam of it all in a weird way. the guilt of not being able to save adam drove lawrence insane especially when he realised that oh, adam never had a chance, because he was only ever meant to be a pawn in lawrence's game. so he just develops this mentality of "i need to help people cherish THEIR lives because ADAM wanted to live and HE didn't get to and if anyone dies in their trap it's because they didn't want it enough." and then. you know. his wife leaves him and gets full custody and lawrence has nothing good going for him so it's easier to just. commit himself to john's cause. after all, john's right, isn't he? all he ever does as a doctor is tell people that they're going to die. at least with his work as an apprentice, he might give them a reason to live.