#Im not mad abt things that happened on tumblr when i was 17 bc it was mostly me having undiagnosed bpd

[gunkbaby]

being on tumblr is crazy bc u can be 17 and doing ur thing and get jumped by a random 30 yr old you’ve never interacted with before

[lycankeyy]

Okay here's the whole thing I filled out with boyf in-character enjoy his one total braincell if he's lucky. I'm putting zero effort into formatting this bc tumblr is glitchy on my phone blank template is here

(cw: sexual humor. also a bunch of intentional typos and gratuitous swearing)

-

1. Okay, first question: what’s your name, age, and gender?

- they call me boyfriend im 19 and i sap the gender out of the music

2. How would you describe yourself, personality-wise?

- fuckkk man idk. im p chill i think ig im pretty cool. pretty swag pretty gamer

3. What’s a typical day like for you?

- welll I wake up at like. 11 usually at earliest and I hang out w one of my partners sometimes I watch movies w em or work on music. not a lot going on usually

4. How do you wind down at the end of the day? Do you even wind down?

- most of the time i literally just wait until i crash out sometimes gf and peeks gotta drag me to bed lol

5. What is your earliest memory?

- UHHHHH oh god uhhh. I think. When I was like five we went to a festival or smth and we went on one of those twirly things and I made my dad spin the thing so hard I threw up LMAO

6. What is/was your relationship with your parents?

- i mean p good i think but we dont rly tlak anymore thats mostly my fault tho

7. What do you do when you’re bored?

- succumb to the madness mostly

8. Do you regret anything you’ve done?

- i mean not like currently

9. Do you dress to be functional or fashionable?

- bro i wear the same exact fucking outfit every day to be honest with you lol. It's not like I'm fuckin going anywhere

10. Who are your best friends? How did you meet them?

- DUUUDE assuming my partners don't count gotta shout out my man darnell we've been workin on a collab ep recently it goes hard as fuckkkkk. we met back in the stupid therapy program back in middle school he introduced me to pico n nene

11. Have any siblings? If so, what is your relationship?

- yea got a big sister and a lil bro. they're both sweet but kinda clueless tbh. technically got other stuff goin on too but im kinda worried that ill get like the government on my ass if i talk abt it

12. What is your job? Is it tiring or difficult?

- closest thinf ive got to a job is music ig and nah. really wouldn't rather be doing anything else even if it payed more tbh. when I get burnt out I wanna die but thafs not a big deal lmao

13. When you’re going through a rough time, do you seek help or consolation from others?

- on a scale of liek paper cut to nearly died how rough are we talking

14. How easy is it for others to gain your trust?

- ive been told im pretty trusting but i feel like any person whos meant to hurt me was pretty upfront abt it so ┐(´∀｀)┌

15. What is your sexuality, if you don’t mind me asking?

- all the time all the time

16. Do you have a significant other? What are they like?

- "a" singular. lol. lmao even. bros asking if I got one singular partner lmao try two bitch and thyere the best most important people in the world

17. Have you ever lost a loved one?

- not like perminently

18. How often do you act on impulse? Does it ever backfire?

- lsiten if i do it all the time then like statisicly it only backfires like 40% of the time okay

19. Do you believe in ghosts?

- I believe in everyone bro

20. How about aliens?

- aliens are hisyorically very mean to me but ig i can just then believe that they can be better people. or aliens

21. What traits do you value the most in others?

- uhhh probably like being just nice ig? idk i think it can take a lot more effort than people think to be considerate and stuff I appreciate when people are nice even if they have a reason not to be

22. Do you dream often? What are your dreams like?

- i used to not to but somethings happened and now I get them all the time. don't really want to talk about it they're mostly just weird

23. Are you a light or heavy sleeper? Do you sleep in?

- my partners say im such a heavy sleeper that one time i slept through gf falling off the bed in the middle of the night but I was asleep so I can't cofnirm

24. Okay, this is a bit personal, but… Have you ever (uh) “done the do”?

- dude like u wouldn't believe

25. Do you have any pets?

- nah but I think it would be cool to have a guinea pig they seem chill and I appreciate their vibes

26. Ever been drunk before? How often do you drink?

- i try not to toooooooo much but i think i have a hard time telling when too much is too much. dont tell my parents

27. Are you respectful to authority figures?

- they only have as much authority as you give them. manipulate a landlord today

28. What kinds of movies do you like you watch?

- https://youtu.be/HgjyQ0_coJo?si=L5Bzhey5cxaoNpWU

29. Do you have any guilty pleasures?

- ██████ █████ █ ███████ ████ ███ ████ ███████ ███ ████ ████████████ ██ ███ ███ ████ ██ one time nene found it in my dresser and I almost DIED wait was this question not about sex stuff

30. What would you say is the happiest memory of your life?

- ohh thats hard uhh. happiest is hard to qualify i think. I think I'm happiest whenever I think abt waking up next to my partners

31. How about your worst memory?

- thats a good question

32. What did you aspire to be when you were young? Did that dream change as you grew up?

- i didn't think I'd be fuckign anythang

33. How far would you be willing to go to get what you want?

- u gotta quantify what I want here tbh. is it like a chocolate bar or one billion dollars. cuz id kill someone for a billion dollars. honestly i might also kill someone for a chocolate bar but like not as badly

34. What is sure to ruin your day?

- idk nearly dying again probably

35. Do you have any nervous habits?

- uhhh sometimes i mess with my hair and when i get rly upset i pull at it til it hurts. i used to scratch my face a lot when i was upset too but it freaks ppl out so i try not to if i can help it

36. Play video games often?

- i tryyyyy but i get distracted so fast i play a game and im like oh shit this reminds me of another thing i was gonna play n then i go play that and then I never FINISH ANYTHIGN

37. What kind of things do you laugh at?

- https://youtu.be/47EOSLWu-EI?si=kuzPv2Vndl91Oj3C

38. Favorite genre of music?

- BROOOO ok gonna be basic as shit and say breakcore. also a huge fan of speedcore and drill & bass but breakcore is my home. i wishhh it wasn't called this but my favorite like subgenre of breakcore is probs lolicore not for any fuckin weird reason but just bc the way the vocals are usually mixed scratches my brain sooooooo fuking good. listen to various types of ads by loli in early 20s and youll get it. i fucking love experimental breakcore my favorite album rossz csillag alatt született mixes breakcore+dr&b w classical and it's sooooo fucking good it's SO good i need to learn more fuckin instrument plug ins so I can make shit like that. in general i just love music that feels like it's fuckin drilling it's way into youre brain and rewiring it i want the music to fuckin labotomize me fr

39. What do you think your spirit animal would be if you had one?

- idk maybe a rat i like rats. dude imagine if i was a rat like ritz we could have cheese together. we can do that anyway but it would be more awesome

40. Have an accent of any kind?

- yea autism

41. Chess or checkers?

- checkers i have no idea how to play chess but it sounds convoluted as fuk

42. Do you feel sentimentality toward a particular object?

- i love my laptop even if I get a new computer and this thing breaks completely im keeping this laptop ily laptop

43. Are you generally pretty secretive, or are you an open book?

- im like accidentally secretive i dont even try like wtf do you mean im supposed to talk about shit

44. What are you most embarrassed about?

- i feel like this was addressed in the nene thing

45. What are your deepest fears?

- have you ever seen that fuckin brony stuff where people get teleported to pony world as horses gf is obsessed with that kinda thing but that's TERRIFYING if i woke up as a horse id fuckin die of a heart attack

46. How desperate would you have to be to lie to, steal from, injure, or murder another person? Do you do any of those things regularly?

- i like the implication that i would admit to murdering ppl on a regular basis

47. Do you have any scars? How did you get them?

- it's so fucked up i got this scar on my face and it's so bad bc I don't even scar that easy like i get into fights my entire life but i only got one scar just bc some weeb tried to kill me. like ok

48. Say someone has mistreated you in some form. Would you immediately lose your temper, hold a grudge, or simply let it go?

- you wouldnt believe my epic power to do all of those simaltaneusly

49. How do you deal with physical and mental pain?

- max volume noise nothing can hurt me if the Loud

50. What is your ideal place to live?

- never thought abt it tbh ig anywhere with my partners

51. What was your childhood like?

- just 18 years of stupid therapy programs and stupid special ed classes and ppl telling me how to think and how to act and like I was 4 years old forever i don't careeee

52. What is your favorite kind of weather?

- i think snow is pretty

53. How important to you is friendship? What about romance?

- i think they're both pretty great but idk i feel like urself should be most important bc idk shit happens and ppl leave so if you dont like yourself youre just gonna be stuck with some miserable loser who doesnt have any friends as ur only company

54. Have any disabilities, weaknesses, or allergies?

- i feel like in a hypothetical situation i would be pretty weak to godzilla

55. What’s your favorite thing to eat?

- SPICY FOOOOOOOD my spice tolerance fucks hard i will drink hot sauce. right now holdbon

56. Do you have kids? If not, do you picture yourself ever having them?

- could you fucking imagine.

57. How well can you sing?

- idk but i like it

58. Are you particularly confident? Does your confidence level change if less people are around?

- if nobody got me i know i got me

59. Do you like shopping?

- delivery apps were invented for a reason

60. How do you interact with strangers?

- tbh i usually just tune out anyone that's not talking to me LMAO

61. Have you ever been betrayed by someone you loved?

- not like perminently

62. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

- don't like this question

63. If you could meet anyone from the past or future, who would it be?

- fuckkkkk my gf isn't home rn can I pick her

64. If a genie granted you three wishes, what would they be?

- money bigass house and then I wouldn't use the last one so we could just vibe forver

65. Do you like attention?

- ask pico

66. Are you glad I’ve run out of questions to ask?

- ig bc im puttin off chores ily though

[mirrorforevers]

get to know me tag (bc the reblog chain is quite long)

thanks to @nottuned for tagging me (e muuuuuito obrigada pelos biscoitos xuxu aaaaa ❤💕💞💓💖💝 fiquei mt soft com sua descrição e fico mt feliz msm que vc curta minhas fics hdskjsdhksd VAMO AMIGAR PELO AMOR DE DEUS JA ME PASSA SEU TWITTER OU VAMO TROCAR USER DO DISCORD, to sedenta em fazer mais amizades dentro desse fandom pfv sjehksdjk)

name/nickname: alanis! some people call me nanis, other just lanis......it varies

gender: female

star sign: a very, very disorganized and chaotic virgo

height: 5′4

time (of birth or current time?): if birth, 19:35, if current time, 01:17

bday: august 31st

favourite bands: abba, arcade fire, blur, daft punk, pre-2015 coldplay (NO SHAME IN ADMITTING THAT WHATSOEVER!!!!!!), the beatles

favourite solo artists: lady gaga, janelle monáe, graham coxon, fiona apple, weyes blood, david bowie, st vincent, marina and rufus wainwright

song stuck in my head: man’s world by marina........Lordt what a great song....................im so happy shes releasing bangers again

last movie: borat 2 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

last show: the crown fuck prince charles. fuck prince charles so bad

when did i create this blog: mid 2020, i needed to vent about my newfound obsession w blur somewhere n tumblr seemed like the perfect place to do so

what i post: mainly fics, aesthetically pleasing stuff and music-related stuff

last thing i googled: kim wexler leave me and my simp hours alone

other blog: i had two blogs in the past - one dedicated to supernatural n other dedicated to steven universe in its early days but that then became a multifandom clusterfuck. both are gone

following: 80

followers: 139

average hours of sleep: 7 when im working. 10+ when im not

lucky number: i dont have a lucky number really.....................,,,,,,,,never found a number to call mine

instruments: guitar, which i started to play very recently (aug 2020) yet made some significant progress. tysm graham and natalie mering for the inspiration!

what i'm wearing: a very bright pink shirt n some hippie pants

dream job: musician! a very famous singer/songwriter!! i believe in myself a lot in that aspect n when i make it big please dont bring my fics to graham’s attention i wanna be his friend

dream trip: SWEDEN god i want to go to the abba museum so bad. really. im gonna be the happiest person in the world when that happens

favourite food: sushi 🍣

nationality: brazilian

favourite song: life on mars by david bowie orrrrrrrrrrr knowing me knowing you by abba. orrrrrr andromeda by weyes blood. orrrrrrrr dreams tonite by alvvays. but i’ll go w life on mars

last book i read: thing of beauty, a book abt gia carangi. got really obsessed w her story for a while, still am actually

top 3 fictional universes i wanna live in: steven universe, star wars or hannibal which i know is the “real” world n all but what if everyone just talked that way n dressed that way normally all the time n mads mikkelsen was a sexy cannibal n hugh dancy his twink husband. what a blast we’d all have.

tagging ppl makes me feel pressured so everyone who sees this n feels compelled to answer: go off, say i tagged u if u werent tagged already. love u n take care

[spikelovebot]

answer these 85 questions and tag people!

i was tagged by @starrydoyoung

LAST

1. drink - water 

2. 📱 call - my dad

3. text - my friend steph

4. song you listened to - replay by shinee

5. time you 😢 - abt 30 minutes after i woke up today

HAVE YOU EVER

6. dated someone twice - ............yes

7. 😘 someone and regretted it - omg yes

8. been cheated on - no thankfully

9. lost someone special - yes :/

10. been depressed - depression? i know her

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - oh boy yes

FAVORITE COLORS

12. highlighter yellow

13. lime green

14. teal

15. neon orange

in the last year have you

16. made new friends - yes !

17. fallen out of 💛 - i mean i wasnt in love but i did end up hating someone i loved

18. 😂 until you 😢 - omg all the time

19. found out someone was talking about you - i ?? guess ????

20. met someone who changed you - uh. yes nd no

21. found out who your friends are - yea !

22. 😘 someone on your facebook friends list - no lmao

GENERAL

23. how many friends from your facebook friends list do you know irl - like 98% of my friends list

24. do you have any pets - the loml benny, romeo, lola & jojo! 1 cat 3 dogs i also have like 10 ducks

25. do you want to change your middle name - no its basic but it has a special reason for being my middle name

26. what did you do for your last 🎂 - watched thor ragnorak 

27. what time did you wake up today - like... 1:30 pm lol

28. what were you doing last night at midnight - uh? playing sims 4

29. what is something you can’t wait for - uh... december bc im taking a trip

30. what are you listening to right now - feel good by shinee

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - probably

32. something that gets on your nerves -  when people dont communicate w me abt important things or anything tbh.. omg like esp if we’re dating or friends nd u have a problem w me like ???? talk to me abt it or die mad abt it then

33. most visited website - its tumblr lol

34. hair color - dirty blonde/light brown

35. long hair or short hair - i have a buzz cut

36. do you have a crush on someone - nope 

37. what do you like about yourself - im funny

38. want any piercings - yes ! i want a nose piercing even tho i touch my nose a LOT

39. blood type - i got no clue

40. nicknames - syn.. max...

41. relationship status - lonely :/ but not looking bc i cant handle one rn

42. zodiac - scorpio bitch

43. pronouns - any i dont care

44. favorite 📺 show - greys anatomy i’d die for that bitch. also private practice

45. tattoos -  none

46. right handed or left - right handed

47. ever had surgery - i had surgery on my right ear in 3rd grade i can barely Barely hear out of it now

48. piercings - none

49. sports - i dont play any but baseball is cool

50. vacation - uh. idk ive gone to tennessee recently but uh.. not a vacation

51. trainers - no

MORE GENERAL

52. eating - nothing rn

53. drinking - water Always

54. i’m about to watch - uh nothing

55. waiting for - my internet to stop being an ass

56. want - money

57. get married - if my partner wants to sure

58. career - idk i’d love to do something w animals... or design maybe

WHICH IS BETTER

59. kisses or hugs - uh rlly kissed much so hugs i guess

60. 👄 or eyes - eyes for sure

61. shorter or taller - hm.............. i dont have a preference?

62. older or younger - older honestly... unless they’re rlly mature for their age

63. nice arms or stomach -  i dont care

64. hookup or relationship - hm. half of me is one nd half is the other 

65. troublemaker or hesitant - ugh hesitant but i dont want someone afraid to do Everything u know i dont need someone to make me More hesitant ?

HAVE YOU EVER

66. 😘 a stranger - nope

67. drank hard liquor -yea

68. lost glasses - yea

69 (oof). turned someone down - oh? yea

70. sex on first date -  i havent

71. broken someone’s ❤️ - i guess ????

72. had your 💔 - I Guess

73. been arrested - nope

74. 😢 when someone died - lmao thats what ive been dealing w since the 21st

75. fallen for a friend - oof.... yea

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

76. yourself -not rlly

77. miracles - uh i guess but they dont happen to me

78. 💛 at first sight - no

79. 🎅 - no

80. 😘 on a first date - why not

81. angels - idk

other

82. best friend’s name - andie

83. eye color - blue

84. favorite movie - dirty dancing but rn it makes me sad

85. favorite actor - ANY of the main greys anatomy cast rn

thank u for tagging me stacy! this was long but interesting, i tag @balmaineoark @sunbeamhope @reosian @bangchans @popchiyk nd... thats it ig u guys dont have to do this obv

[wizardrat69]

ok im done fighting the urge to fill out 20 abt the blogger things in a row. let me have this

i found one from when i was 15 and im gonna do it again to compare bc im uhhh bored

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

Name: drew! tho im considering some other shit in addition

Eye color: blue... shit doesnt change :/

Hair style/color: its short and still red and frankly its a bit weird rn 

Height: 165 centimeters (5′4).......... @ my past self. you fucking wish you were me

Clothing style: androgynous slutty goth vacation dad is the IDEAL. but thats not always attainable 

Best physical feature: im just cute. :/

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Your fears: pregnancy. gröss

Your guilty pleasure: really shitty music and like sexy designed evil ladies. but thats valid because im gay. also reading awful discourse and getting mad on purpose

Ambitions for the future: i want to be this guy

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

Your first thoughts waking up: i immediately got shanghai alice of meiji 17 stuck in my head. there was something vaguely music related before that but i forget 

What you think about most: whatever i happen to be hyperfixated on :/

What you think about before bed: gay thoughts 💖

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or group dates: single is classic but i support going out and being gay with your friends who are also gay 

To be loved or respected: LOVED...

Beauty or brains: pardonnez-moi... im a homo-morosexual

Dogs or cats: cats!!

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU.

Lie: nngfkjdh when im scared. i dont lie to my friends

Believe in yourself: yes and simultaneously well Not Really!

Believe in love: its one of the only things thats real actually.

Want someone: god you fucking KNOW it

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Been on stage: yea a few times but nothing like, huge

Done drugs: no but its because im pussy. also i have no friends whom drugs. and i also dont wanna get deported lol

Changed who you were to fit in: i tend to compromise myself a lot so people like me but ive been way better about not doing that lately

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

Favorite color: red rn... changes a lot but its usually red/green

Favorite animal: cats... 

Favorite movie: alien but really theres not much competition 

Favorite show: jojo bizarreadventure. hyperfix aside i luv cowboy beboy

Favorite book: i can NOT read

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

Day your next birthday will be: feb 28th

How old will you be: 20 😰

Does age matter: yeah.

oh heres another one from when i was 15. frankly i am unstoppable now

Name: drew

Age: 19

Height: 165cm. etc

Relationship status: gays... i am in love

Birthday: feb 28

Favorite color: see above -__-

Favorite bands: THE MARS VOLTA if i go into lesser faves ill be here for an hour but im feeling rheostatics a lot this week i guess

Last song listened: studio killers - jenny 

Last movie watched: oceans thirteen 😊

# of pets: THREE cats

Best school subject: it was always english but i loved bio also

Cell phone type: samsung a5... old bitch

Current shirt color: gray with nasa logo :]

Gamer? i mean. i certainly have played a couple of video james in my time

Day or night? im a dawn/dusk lesbian

Summer or winter? uhhhh summer

Most-visited website? STILL tumblr. tragic

Celebrity crush(s): still none... i do not give a fuck 

Biggest turn on: epic cringe of me to answer this with aph norway like 4 years ago. anyways chaotic nature + boldness is really hot not to be rowdy and sort of a bottom

ANYWAYS the moral of the story? character development. other moral is that i need more hobbies im so fucking bored rn

[dukseon]

92 truths tag game:

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose 25 people to tag! 
i was tagged by @1pug ily so much girl LAST…
 [1] drink: water  [2] phone call: my nana
 [3] text message: my sister lmao [4] song you listened to: troye sivan the quiet [5] time you cried: uh a couple weeks ago mayb 
 HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nope 
[7] been cheated on: prob not [8] kissed someone and regretted it: nope 
[9] lost someone special: prob yeah 
[10] been depressed: just abt certain things but i get over it within a week or month [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 
 [12] red [13] beige [14] matcha green IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yaa [16] fallen out of love: i like to think so 
[17] laughed until you cried: yesterday night lmfao [18] found out someone was talking about you: idk mayb [19] met someone who changed you: yeah a couple ppl [20] found out who your true friends are: sure i guess [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: nope  GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them [23] do you have any pets: yeah! lhasa apso [24] do you want to change your name: nope i was named after a famous singer in hk
 [25] what did you do for your last birthday: lmao mad bc my sis left me for her friends bday [26] what time did you wake up: 810
 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: i sleep early [28] name something you cannot wait for: for my friend to come back from her gap year trip n to catch up w all of my friends [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: this morning [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i was more out there n didn’t hold back as much as i did [31] what are you listening to right now: troye sivan bite [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: uh prob lmao [33] something that is getting on your nerves: the wind is blowing my hair all around i [34] most visited website: tumblr [35] elementary: idr but it was real close to my neighborhood 
[36] high school: yeah let’s not lmao 
[37] college: going accordingly as planned but just wish it’ll go by faster haha [38] hair colour: it says dark brown on my id 
[39] long or short hair: short [40] do you have a crush on someone: idk if i do [41] what do you like about yourself? i like my eyes [42] piercings: 3 on each ear [43] blood type: i think b [44] nickname: mimi [45] relationship status: single 
[46] zodiac sign: libra 
 [47] pronouns: she/her 
[48] fav tv show: riverdale rn but i don’t watch tv much anymore
 [49] tattoos: no but mayb on the foot my moms ok w it lmao
[50] right or left handed: right 
 FIRST… [51] surgery: none [52] piercing: lobes [53] best friend: ashley from elementary, my first sleep over was at her place [55] vacation: i think las vegas lmao
 [56] pair of trainers: are those shoes i have a lot but what are those RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: chewing gum [58] drinking: nothing
 [59] i’m about to: get off the bus to campus 
[60] listening to: troye sivan ease ok it’s his whole album 
[61] waiting for: my bus to take me home 
[62] want: to go home n eat
 [63] get married: in my mid 20s mayb
 [64] career: veterinarian 
WHICH IS BETTER… 
[65] hugs or kisses: hugs 
[66] lips or eyes: eyes 
[67] shorter or taller: taller 
[68] older or younger: older 
[69] romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous 
[70] nice arms or nice stomach: nice stomach 
[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive bc im loud asf 
[72] hook up or relationship: relationship 
[73] troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker 
 HAVE YOU EVER… 
[74] kissed a stranger? no
 [75] drank hard liquor? no [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? no i don’t wear glasses 
[77] turned someone down: yeah 
[78] sex on first date? nope
 [79] broken someone’s heart? i dont think to that extent lmao [80] had your own heart broken? i break my own heart by thinking n hoping too much smh
 [81] been arrested? no 
[82] cried when someone died? yeah 
[83] fallen for a friend: nah thank god DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? i guess yeah  
[85] miracles? sometimes
 [86] love at first sight? only in movies lmao 
[87] santa claus? nah i buy my own gifts 
[88] kiss on the first date? could happen 
[89] angels? yeah sure OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: don’t really have much bc we all haven’t caught up in a while bc uni 
[91] eye colour: dark brown 
[92] favourite movie: studio ghibli is my shit

tagging: @bogum @sheis @uxqi @jimin @191ft @estelles @ramenhime @jeonsboy

[pninaharchive]

Just one number? What if you answered them all? It will take a while, but time is just an illusion.

LMAO luv a challenge thank u 💐 read more bc it got long obviously

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

ahh okay well i think about who i am as a person and whether im good or bad and recently in my reflections i realized that i have control issues?? and how to work with that is confusing to me but

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

no lol

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

no unless it was interfering with our relationship somehow?

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

yes and no?? i dont really trust a lot of people but im very optimistic and idealistic and so i never assume the worst of people. like if someone lied to me i prob wouldnt assume so unless it was glaringly obvious

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

sleeping lmao

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

this would never happen in my life oh my god i plan too much to not have a dd and a charged phone w access to a gps 

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

break up w the person and prob not talk to them again

8: Are you close with your dad?

no i dont talk to him

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

i havent kissed anyone since 8th grade 

10: What are you listening to?

currently im watching ink master in the background but in terms of music ive been playing big thief’s masterpiece and diiv’s is the is are

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

water lmao

12: Do you like hickeys?

ive never had one so idk for sure but the idea of it isnt super appealing to me

13: What time do you go to bed?

anywhere between like 11 pm to????? 3 am but usually closer to 11 bc i cant sleep in 

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

every man in my life

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

no not at all im so bad at 1 handed texting

16: Do you always answer your texts?

no LMAO unless its my mom or abby

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

i dont know that ive ever fallen before

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

an hour ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

abby and angel and my bunny

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

i dont remember i think i was thinking about tattoos

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

my brother

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

no there are plenty of shitty people who are doing just fine

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

noooooo way 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

no im kinda fine with the people i choose not to speak to 

25: In the past week, have you cried?

no

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

black

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

my last name is 9 letters long absolutely not

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

no

29: Do you have a best friend?

ya abby lmao love that bitch

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

no. see #9

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

angel

32: Are you mad at anyone?

always

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

see #30

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

see #33. probably 19 or 20 idk

35: How many more days until your birthday?

345

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

yes!!! im going to maine with my mom and her gf and abby soon and me and abby are gonna tear it up the rest of the summer.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

i have no male friends currently

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

never

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i dont think so

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

yes lmao see #34

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

absolutely especially when either of the people is below 20 or so

42: Are you available?

emotionally, romantically, and sexually yes

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

i feel like i feel strongly for most people i meet im not really a casual person

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

i kind of want to get my other nostril pierced??? other than that i think medusa piercings are really pretty

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

if both of the people are emotionally mature enough definitely

46: Do you regret anything?

most things

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

um ive been thinking abt my chronic illness lol bc i dont think im actively bleeding internally anymore but wondering how much blood ive lost bc ive been really exhausted and i think it might be anemia

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

every one except the ones i currently have

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

yes like see #40

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

i dont like anyone currently i wish i did

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

no

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

no oh my god see #49

53: What was the last thing you ate?

i just had some pasta

54: Did you get any compliments today?

i think someone said they liked my shoes

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

maine!!!

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

probably but i couldnt tell u for sure my dude

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

rhode island

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

sunday

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

no has anybody

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

no has anybody

62: Who do you text the most?

abby i guess?? i dont really text that much

63: What was the last movie you saw?

i watched young frankenstein but ive seen that before

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

dont have a gf

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

none lmao i was in like 7th grade

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

idfk see #52

67: Do you curse around your parents?

yeah

68: Are you happy with where you live?

not really i wish i was on my own in like europe or some shit

69: Picture of yourself?

check out my insta boiii

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

i think it depends on the other person?? i could be open to either i think

71: Have you ever been dumped?

no

72: What do you most like about making out?

passion

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

lets play a game called how many ways can i say im a virgin

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? 

i feel like this set of questions has something against me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

i like!! tummies and legs

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

my mom probably

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

gOD

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

aoidsfkfkl

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

ummmmmmmm honest compliments and affection 

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

probably not right now bc im not ready or interested in kids but maybe someday 

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

a couple people 

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

not usually but i havent had a crush in a long time

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

what the fuck

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

prom last year

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

olive is my boo

86: How can I win your heart?

ugghgh idk openness and honesty, passion, similar interests, buying me flowers

87: What is your astrological sign?

gemini!!

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping

89: Do you cook?

yes i love cooking!!

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

no 

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

yes im such a fucking romantic

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

i think im a monogamous person but im?? also really flexible depending on the other person

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

idk im not picky ugh just 

cute

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

a new laptop and purse, money, cute gf 

95: Are you a player?

no im a pussy and also i love women

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

no god 

97: Are you a tease?

no

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

yes

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

no

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

yes omg definitely

101: Hugs or Kisses?

kisses!!!!

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

absolutely

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

gross

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

only if im interested in them tbh

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

no this hypothetical person sounds like a dick

106: Do you flirt a lot?

no

107: Your last kiss?

see #66

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

no its like every question is about kissing

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

asdfghj

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

barbie ferreira :(((((((((( 

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

no that would be too convenient

112: Does someone like you currently?

not that i know of

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

nope

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

serious relationships

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

no

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

who could say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cryogengar]

vent pt2 // aftermath

i just feel the need to put out the rest of it and maybe i can be more at peace

so relating to this post here, it’s been about two weeks. i still think i’m affected by it, judging from me staying in bed for 17 hours and having no motivation to do anything a little more than usual. after a day i posted that vent, one of my acquaintances on league, in that friend group i had told me that the girl, and my old guy friend made a joke about killing myself. it went along the lines of,

girl: “i can imagine her climbing out of the classroom window and nobody would care”

guy: “wouldn’t y’all clap”

girl: “well i would and that’s all that matters”

..yeah. that hit me hard. not only did they said that in a discord call where everybody else in there heard (and laughed apparently) behind my back (one of the people in the call sent me this), but just the fact that they used something that i struggled with as something to joke and hurt me about. sure, sometimes i personally joke about it, but i find it a right that i can joke about since i’m the one that’s going through it. but right there, that’s a joke and an insult and there clearly is no humour to it. i keep thinking of how people always say like, treat others how you want to be treated. i kept thinking of that then. why did they say that when i was the one hurting from that incident days ago? when did they it was a good idea to joke about this behind my back? and other questions and insecurities poured into my mind and i felt so betrayed. personally, no matter i think badly of someone, i wouldn’t actually say or wish harm on them like that. sometimes i’d say like ‘omg i wish he’d go kill himself’ or smth, but that was for dark humour reasons and i never meant it in this kind of way, y’know? and i definitely won’t say it behind someone’s back. so this hurt me a way lot because it was the girl who said this, who had absolutely nothing to do with my ex, added to how i was hurt from her the other day. 

it just made me incredibly broken inside. for them to say this. it’s only been recently that i was talked down due to my mental disorders and here it is, just jokes about my suffering. and the fact that they said it.. like in a classroom? where i’d have 30 other classmates and a teacher? all of them.. would clap? did everyone just want me to end myself? my insecurities ate at me non stop no matter how hard i wanted to hold myself together. but yeah, the day after i went to my vice principal, my school counsellor, talked to her. the school aka her would go talk to the girl because this was unacceptable and bullying and stuff like that. but i was still hurt. i was terrified. the thought that my vp was going to talk to her... what would happen if she just talks more shit behind my back? like ‘omg bella was such a little bitch the vp talked to me today abt this’ or smth like that. that haunted me the whole day at school. my mom and vp talked afterschool, and even though i said that i didnt know if it was a good idea to talk to her, the vp and my mom insisted that she needed to know that it was wrong, and if she says more shit just report it to her again and something will be done.

i went home a little lighter. i still took naps and binge watched cartoons to distract myself from the emptiness and hurt i felt, and that inside made me feel guilty because i should be doing hw and more productive things. cue 11pm on that wednesday night. 

the girl calls me. she’s crying, she’s just saying ‘im sorry’ over and over, but i felt no sympathy or compassion for her. she’s sobbing, telling me that she didn’t understand why she did those things, and that she’s a horrible person for doing and saying those things about me. i kept myself calm and just stayed quiet most of the time. we hung up like over half an hour later. i felt worse. but it calmed me that since she sounded sorry, if the vp talked to her tmr there’s a chance she won’t say shit anymore. but the thing was, i asked her if somebody made her apologise to me, and she said no, but mention my ex showed her my previous tumblr vent and told her she was going to get into trouble with the vp. it made me mad that she might’ve called me up more out of fear than genuine feelings to apologise about how much she hurt me.

in rolls next day, she skipped choir to talk to the vp. apparently she cries again, and we’re called down during first period to talk to each other. she apologies, doesn’t look up to my face, and the vp talks about moving forward. there’s a school trip to santa barbara in two weeks and i wanted to cancel and lose like $1500 bc i couldn’t stand her presence. but now i didn’t cancel for that reason and it’s still happening i guess. but... yeah. everything the ex guy friend said still hurt. everything hurt. the way he let me hurt by myself when we hung out at the cafe, when he talked shit abt me via msg, and adding his two cents to the girl’s joke about me. how mad must he be for me not thanking my ex for a fucking gift that he chose to buy on his own accord to just make me feel like absolutely a worthless piece of trash. all this time i’ve spent since last year ever since i met him. all wasted. there’s so much hurt, from the time he liked me, to times i gave up time to spend with him while i hurt myself from sleep deprivation or emotional energy, to times he let one of his friends just verbally beat me up in front of him. i felt so used. i feel so used. 

so fast forward, everything is done with the girl. we’re not going to be friends anymore, i can handle seeing her at school without being triggered, she’s not going to talk shit about me anymore and i go back to hanging out with my senior friends. the guy? nothing. apparently he feels bad, but not bad enough to say anything to me. i don’t expect anything, it must be humiliating to apologise to a piece of trash like me, lol. i dont know what’s up anymore. i saw him in one of my friend’s snapchat story and i just got triggered and spent a good four hours in bed, lmao. it clearly so hurts as much as i’m trying to put it behind me. the fact that we’re still ‘friends’ on every single piece of social media still allows me to see his presence online and because i’m so sensitive it triggers me.

i just want to feel better. i don’t want to relive all of this hurt everytime i see his name. i don’t want to continue feeling like i dont matter, that my mental disorders are a disability and i’ll never be anything more than a suicidal freak. maybe it is my fault that i’m ‘always doing things for others,’ investing so much time into these these people and end up hurting because i finally see who they are. i... don’t know. i just don’t understand. i don’t want to feel betrayed, hurt, and depressed. i don’t want to feel so much anxiety going outside and talking to people because i don’t feel safe. as much support i get, i only get this support when i ask for it. no one.. really reaches out for me on their own accord, whether it’s when i’m hurting or as a friend. maybe i’m just really alone. whatever. goodnight.