#DON'T SCARE THE PIZZA DELIVERY DRIVER

[heartfullofleeches]

What if darling orders from a different restaurant and brie coincidentally arrives right when the actual delivery person does? I feel like he'd be jealous af

Yan "Pizza Boy" + Reader

-

Who is that-

Arriving at your street, tires screech to a hault as your home rolls into view. The driver takes a second look. Then a third - knuckles white as fingers clench around the steering wheel.

A car he's never seen before sits in the little parking spot outside your house. His parking spot. Some old, beat up hatchback painted the ugliest shade of blue he'd ever seen - tape covering its left tail light and bumper held on by zip ties. By now, the delivery boy has made enough visits to your home to recognize cars of your friends and loved ones. Who is this? The flickering sign atop the rusting hunk of metal lifted some of the weight from his shoulders - only to crush him with a new fear as the other driver casual steps out of his vehicle, carrying bag strapped to his shoulder.

"Oh, hell no-"

Brie curses under his breath - pulling into your neighbor's driveway with one hand on the wheel as he reaches into the passenger seat with the other. He quickly gathers his things, kicking the driver's side door open as he goes to exit - hissing in frustration as his seat belt digs into the flesh of his neck. He unbuckles himself, shutting the door behind him with the heel of his sneaker as he races across your neighbor's yard. He slows down to carefully step over their hedges right as the other delivery person reaches your porch. Brie curses again-

"Oh my God! There's someone hiding in the back of that blue car with the dirty windows!"

The delivery person runs off back to their car. With little time to celebrate his victory, Brie marches up to your front door and rings the doorbell. You looked surprised - yet oddly happy to see him. His heart flutters.

"You?"

Brie beans from ear to ear "Yup! It's me! Got another pizza for you here. Same as the last."

"Thank you, but I already ordered from someplace else. Couldn't find anywhere nearby with alfredo sauce pizza so I had to settle for the usual."

You were looking for him?.... The place he works for that is. Brie shoves the box against your chest, biting down the scream ready to escape. "Don't worry, this one's on the house too. We're still experimenting with the recipe so it isn't available on our menu yet. I'm sure my boss will be happy to hear you enjoyed it."

"Well... Since it's free I guess it wouldn't hurt to take it off your hands. Won't have to order out for a week at this rate. Do you have a number I can reach you at?"

Multiple issues could arise from giving you his personal number - Brie was too excited to dwell on future problems when he had your attention now.

"Sure! Do you have a pen and paper?"

In the time it takes you to retrieve said items the other delivery person returns. He looks at Brie, a flicker of recognition in his eyes as he inspects his face.

"Hey... Aren't you-"

"Their boyfriend attacked a guy once."

The delivery driver looks taken aback. "What did you say?"

"I had a friend who worked at this one other pizza place. He had a black eye the last time we met. Said the person with the exact address had a scary looking boyfriend who thought he was flirting with them. He moved last we and I think I know why."

Brie's smile widen as the wobble in the other man's voice. "Hey, man... It's not cool to joke like that. If you're trying to scare me off you'll have to try harder than that."

"If that's what you want-"

Brie drops the conversation there. No point in wasting any more of his precious time - not with you standing there, pen and a small notepad in hand.

"Thank you~" Brie scribbles down his number, tearing off a page of paper beneath the one he wrote on as he hands the notepad back to you - pen still in his possession. With other matters to attend to, asking for it back was the last thing on your mind as you then turn to properly greet the other driver. Brie turns on his heels and makes his way down your driveway, checking over his shoulder as he drops the pen off the sidewalk - watching it roll by the rear bumper of the car.

"Whoops- Looks l dropped my pen."

Brie crotches down to grab the pen, eyes scanning the dented license plate as his fingers graze the pen. He picks it up, jotting down the license plate on the scrap of paper as he stands and walks off in the direction of his car.

One light broken is bad enough. He wonders how that other driver's boss would feel with all four smashed.

[hutchersonsgurl]

Eat your heart out - Clapton Davis

Paring x fem reader and Clapton Davis

Warnings & info MNDI 18+ smut and have of it me THRISTIN OVER THIS MAN SO SUE ME!

Summary: You and Clapton have best friends for years now you have always had a crush on him but didn't wanna ruin your friendship if he didn't feel the same way

You were at Clapton's house, chilling in his room, waiting for him to bring up the pizza the two of you just ordered. You were laying on his bed playing on your phone when you noticed that his yearbook was on his desk. You got up and sat in the chair and started turning pages, and you noticed that some of the people's pictures were defaced and covered in permanent marker. Most of them were people he didn't like, which didn't surprise you. All of his friend's pictures were left alone. You looked for your picture, and you noticed that your name had hearts drawn around it.

"Holy shit, does he like me!?" You thought to yourself that you could hear Clapton coming up the stairs.

"The pizza is here; please don't kill me for the delivery driver being a dumbass," he says.

You hurry up and put the yearbook back, push the chair in, and lay back on his bed, laying on your stomach, pretending that you haven't moved.

He walks and shuts his door, walks over to the bed, and hands you a plate.

"Mmm, yum, it took you long enough, dork," you say, playfully shoving him.

"Hey, now the delivery driver tried to deliver it to the next store, not my fault," he responds.

"Let's see your phone," you say, putting your hand out.

"What? Why?" He asked

"Just do it," you respond.

Clapton hands you his phone. You knew his password on his phone, and he knows your password as well.

You unlock his phone and look on the pizza app, and you notice he got one number on his address wrong.

"See, you typed in the wrong number," you say teasely.

"Shut up, we got the pizza," he says as he starts to eat his pizza.

The two of you laugh and joke around while eating your pizzas and enjoying your time together.

The thought of your picture being surrounded by hearts was still in the back of your mind.

It was about time for you to head home because school was tomorrow.

"Hey, before you leave, I need to talk to you," he says, patting his hand down on the bed.

"Uh, yeah, what's up?" You asked

"So you and I have been friends forever, and I can't imagine you not being by my side like ever," Clapton says, taking your hand in his

"Is everything okay? You feeling okay?" You joke

"Yeah, I'm fine. Everything is cool. What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you. I have been since the moment I saw you when we were kids," he says, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes.

You were quiet for a minute, internally screaming and dancing around in your mind.

"If you don't feel the same way, I get it," he says.

"No, no, that's not it. I just thought I was the only one who felt that way," you respond.

"Wait, you like me too?" He asks with his eyes lighting up.

"I've been in love with you since forever," you say, blushing.

"So, is it cool if I kiss you?" He asks

"Yes, you can kiss me, you goof," you answer.

He leans in closer to you and brushes his nose against yours.

His arms wrap around you. He pulls you against him and kisses you. You wrap your arms around his neck, returning the kiss. You feel weak on your knees with his mouth on yours. You have thought about this moment so many times, and now that it's happening, It feels right to you, and all of a sudden, it felt like there were only the two of you in the world.

He breaks away, breathing heavily; his face is flushed, and he has a look of contentment on his face. He sits back on the bed and pulls you to rest on his lap. His fingers move through your hair. As his touch softens, so does the rest of you. He kisses your forehead.

You smile, blushing so hard, staring into each other's eyes.

"It took 18 years for you to kiss me, Clapton," you tease.

'I wanted to kiss you for a while but was always too scared, he says. He looks up at you, 'That felt amazing, you know' *his eyes are shining. He has such sweet boy vibes that you love and that you wish other people saw of him. He brushes his lips against your neck.

"Mmm, please don't stop," you moan.

He grins cheekily at you. His fingers run through your hair, and he's kissing you and tracing your jaw line with his lips. Your breath catches in your throat, and you can't believe that your best friend likes you too and that he's kissing you down your neck. It's driving you wild. You can feel the electricity run up your spine. He looks deeply into his eyes, and you can't help but fall into those brown eyes that you always loved so much. Each time his lips crash into yours, your body jolts with electricity.

He pulls back from your mouth, and you run your hand through his soft hair, looking at him, happy and content.

He chuckles at you with his signature smile.

"You know this feels like a dream? You're the only girl that I've really wanted; none of the other girls compare to you," he says, leaning his forehead against yours.

"I feel the same way about you, Clapton. You might be a pain in my ass, but I can't get enough," you say with a blush.

He pulls his head away from yours, walks over to his dresser, pulls one of his favorite necklaces out of it, and walks over to you.

"So, yn, will you be my girlfriend? He asks boyishly

"Yes, I'll be your girlfriend," you say with a smile.

He walks over to you and gets behind you, and you lift your hair up. He puts the necklace on you.

You put your hair down and turn around to smile at him.

"Now everyone will know that you are mine, babe," he says.

"Gotta admit I like that way that sounds," you say as he grabs you by your sides to pull you closer.

As soon as the two of you are about to kiss, you hear his mom come inside.

"Hey kids, I'm home," his mom shouts.

"We'll be right down, mom," he shouts.

"Let's take you home, girlfriend," he says as he steals a kiss from your lips and pulls you downstairs.

Part 2

AAAAAA THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE

I HOPE YA'LL LIKE IT !!!

NOT EDITED

[skzfictions]

The Delivery: A SKZ Halloween Story (Part III)

~Masterlist~

part I / part II

******************************************

summary: You are a pizza delivery driver for none other than the popular Domino's Pizza. However, because it is Halloween night, the orders your store has been receiving have been rather...interesting, to say the least. But little did you know you were currently on your way to deliver to your most unpredictable guests of the night...

genre: attempted spooky and eerie vibes; Halloween, comedy, general fluff; supernatural

pairing: Stray Kids X GN! Reader

word count: 3.8K

a/n: Happy Halloween! 🎃

***********************************************

. 🍕🍕🍕 .

"...Or, your blood, to be more specific," Chan corrected himself before flashing his white canines at you again, but you just stared at him in concern. His face was still uncomfortably close to yours as he looked like he was waiting for a response, but you weren’t able to give one other than…

“V-Vampires?” you questioned, dumbly. He nodded simply. You looked around the room to see if anyone was trying to restrain their laughter, or if you could catch a glimpse at any of their expressions betraying Chan's words, but they all stared at you with serious expressions. You finally purse your lips, feeling slightly irritated. “How do you expect me to believe that? You're all vampires? Really?”

You glanced around the room full of beautiful guys, who, now that you thought about it, were all oddly pale, but to go as far and say that they were vampires is definitely a stretch. Even though no one was laughing, you believed this was their way of playing some kind of elaborate practical joke on you.

Chan snapped his tongue before shaking his head, causing a single strand of his dark hair to fall into his even darker eyes. “Well, if you'd like, we can prove it to you if you need further convincing."

You frowned. “How?”

Immediately following your question, two pearly white incisors, sharp as blades, suddenly replaced the original dull incisors that had been in Chan’s mouth just a moment before as he bared his fangs out at you. Then, as if to further drive home the point that they were indeed all vampires, the rest of his clan each bared their fangs out at you as well, all simultaneously, so you were now staring at a room full of bared teeth.

You gulped.

You shook your head, flustered at seeing all the teeth around you. "No, that's okay. I believe you now." You answered quickly and immediately, everyone put their fangs away.

You looked up when you heard a chuckle from across the table.

“Awe, they look so terrified,” the pretty one with the long dark hair, teased you. “It's actually kind of cute.“

“I like them when they're scared,” added Minho, you remembered as the cold-looking member. “The blood always tastes so much better when they're scared.”

“That's because you're a freak, Minho!” chastised one of the youngest. “I think they taste best when they're happy and comfortable.”

“Yeah, well that's because you're a softy, Seungmin,” Minho fired back.

From then on, the entire table began to bicker all around you. Before you could even register what you were doing, you suddenly jumped up from your chair.

In response, all the vamps stared at you like you suddenly grew a second head.

“You know what? I think I should go now,” you said in a panic as you started backing away from the table.

“Awe. you're leaving us so soon…” said Minho in a taunting manner.

You didn't answer, but you felt yourself bump into a firm body behind you and turned to see Chan's thick chest. He smiled at you and placed a hand on your shoulder. “Why are you trying to leave so soon? Don't you trust us? We can be good friends if you get to know us.”

You immediately shirked away out of his grasp so fast that his hand was left hanging in the air.

“Friends?!” you repeated in disbelief. “Y-you're all vampires! I thought you were joking but this…this is all too much!” Immediately, you ran out of the dining room and headed straight for the front doors.

They opened with ease, apparently having already been unlocked; however, upon opening the door, you weren't expecting to be hit with practically a monsoon.

That's right. Being inside the large mansion, you had completely forgotten it was storming really bad outside. Still, you weren't going to stay here so you pulled your hoodie over your head and ran outside to your car. In all your haste, you didn't even bother to close the front door.

Through the wind and rain, you could barely see, but you found your little car, still in the long driveway, just as you had left it hours ago. You hopped in and slammed the door shut then fished for the keys from your pants pocket and jammed them in the ignition to start the car only for it to…

Tiiiick, tick, tick, tick…boom!

Uh oh.

…the car wouldn't start. You turned the keys in the ignition again, desperately trying to rev up the engine only to get the same broken down response and you groaned, pressing the back of your head into the headrest.

“Whhhy?!” You yelled frustrated. You wanted to cry. You didn't know anything about cars! Why would it choose to break down now of all times? First, you had nearly gotten into a crash after being run off the road earlier that night, then you had the misfortune of being tricked by a group of vampires, and now this.

You hated Halloween!

You looked out the car window that was currently being pelted by heavy rain and wind so exuberant it caused your small car to rock like a baby's cradle.

You closed your eyes and thought about what you could do. You would call your coworker, but you didn't have your phone right now. Unfortunately, you had left it somewhere in the mansion. You could try and camp out in the car all night until the storm let up and then maybe you could walk until you found an establishment to make a phone call, but from your drive up there you already knew that nothing was within walking distance. It seemed the only option was…

Tap. Tap.

You jumped at the sound of something tapping on your car window. You saw someone standing outside, looking at you through the window and you knew it had to be one of the men from inside the mansion. You contemplated on whether you should speak to him for a moment before finally rolling down your window a little.

It was the blonde one. Felix.

He smiled at you but it didn't make your heart skip a beat like it did the first time you met him. You didn't trust that smile anymore.

“Are you alright?” he asked, whilst holding onto an umbrella for dear life due to the storm. “The weather is pretty gnarly. Everyone inside is worried about you.”

“They are?” you asked in complete disbelief.

“Yeah, they are,” he answered, looking genuinely concerned. He sighed as he bent down to look you in the eyes and you gulped feeling slightly flustered by the eye contact. “Look, I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Why don't you come inside and we can start over.”

Last time you were invited inside by him, you were tricked. But you also had to acknowledge that you were in a pretty bad situation, right now.

Felix tried again. “Come on. You don't want to stay out here all night, alone in this storm, do you? Look, we promise we won't do anything that you don't want. No harm will come to you.”

You stayed put, staring at him, looking for any signs of deceit, but found none. You tore your eyes away from his to think for a moment. His eyes could be really convincing to the point of making you do irrational things like now, for instance. You were honestly beginning to consider his offer again.

It was his last plea that did it for you.

“Please?” He added with his big orbs gaping at you and you instantly folded.

You sighed, reluctantly, and nodded. “Okay.”

Immediately, his megawatt smile came back. He opened your car door for you and helped you out, bringing you under the umbrella he was holding. “Don't worry. I promise we're not nearly as bad as you think.”

With that, you two headed back up the long driveway, and up the steps of the front of the mansion where you could see three figures waiting inside with the door open.

The closer you got, you could see it was both the two youngest and the one who looked like a squirrel in the face, all standing at the door, waiting for you.

“Hey! You decided to stay,” the squirrel said, excitedly as he ushered you inside. “Don't worry. This is going to be the best sleepover you ever had.”

“Good job, Felix. I see you convinced our little human friend to come back.” the cold looking, Minho said as he walked up to you guys with his arms folded over his chest, instantly reminding you of your situation right now where you were the only human in a mansion full of thirsty vampires.

You cleared your throat before replying in a small voice, “Um…only for the night until the storm eases up.”

“Of course.” Felix agreed immediately. “And we don't want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. We're not going to make you do anything you don't want to. We just want you to know that the offer still stands.”

“The offer?” you repeated, quizzically. “You mean…”

“Yes. I won't beat around the bush,” he answered before you could finish that thought. “We would all very much still like to drink from you.”

You shook your head, not understanding. "Why me?"

You didn't see yourself as anything special. After all, you were just a measly pizza delivery person. Why would they pick you out of the thousands of people in town?

“I'm just a pizza delivery driver,” you finished.

"Do you know what your blood type is?” you suddenly heard another voice come from somewhere in the room, and turned in that direction. It was the leader of the clan. Bang Chan, if you remembered correctly. His dark figure was standing on the opposite side of the room, near the bottom of the stairs.

You shake your head in response to his question. You had never gotten a blood test or donated blood in all your life. In all your years, you had barely even gone to the hospital all that much. No check ups, no serious illnesses, no severe injuries. Nothing. So you had no clue.

Chan nodded, and hummed in thought. “What do you know about H-deficient blood?”

You frowned and shrugged. “I don't even know what that is.”

His brows raised in surprise at that response. “Humans…” he muttered under his breath, shaking his head. “You're so completely unaware of just how rare you are.”

What did that mean? You wondered, but when you vocalized your confusion it just came out as, “Huh?”

From across the room, his eyes locked on yours and he began to slowly walk towards you while giving you a little lesson in blood classification as he did. “H-deficient blood. It's known to be the rarest blood type in the world. Literally, only a couple hundred people in the entire world possess it.” He pauses as he finally comes to stop in front of you before adding. “And you're one of those people.”

Your breath stopped as he stared at you with his pitch black eyes, holding your entire being in them. You watched as his orbs slowly traveled down your face, the length of your neck, your collar bone, and your torso until they finally stopped at your arm. You looked down at your limb, curiously, and he gestured towards your arm, as if silently asking permission. Instinctively, you brought your hand up to him and the corner of his mouth turned up.

Chan took your arm and smelled it. While doing so, his eyes practically rolled to the back of his head as if he was getting a whiff of the most delectable meal ever.

You clenched your teeth in response and squeezed your legs together surprised at just how much of a turn on that was.

This seemed to pique the interest of all the vampires around you as multiple gasps erupted around the room. You noticed Chan’s eyes begin to take on a darker shade, instantly, if that were even possible. The pupils were expanding causing the entirety of his eyes to turn opaque. You also noticed tiny little dark veins beginning to peek through his pale skin around his eyes.

You went rigid but still felt intrigued.

If there was any slight doubt within you as to whether they were really vampires or not, all suspicions were completely gone now.

“Every vampire,” Chan began to explain, although it looked like it pained him to do so as he kept your wrist close to his nose, inhaling. He breathed in deeply. “Has a specific fixation for a certain blood type. Our two youngest, Seungmjn and Jeongin, specifically like A type because it is sweet to them while Hyunjin and Jisung prefer B type because it is sour. Felix here, likes AB because it is a mix of sweet and salty flavor. And Changbin, Minho and I all prefer the bitter taste of O blood. So, you see, we usually can never all feed together but instead, do so in small groups.”

His eyes parted from your wrist as they fixated on you again.

“But then there's one other special type of blood, also known as H-deficient that all vampires crave because of its taste, also known as Umami. It's the most savory and the rarest blood type that all vampires covet but only a few of us ever get to taste because of its rarity.”

His pearly white canines show again as he grins. “Who knew that we would find an H-deficient human in a small town, working in a Domino's of all places.”

You stayed deathly still as you pondered what all of this meant. H-deficient? Umami? Rare? You were all of these things? It just didn't seem right to you. You had never been considered special by any means. Were they absolutely sure they had the right person?

“I can assure you that it's you we've been searching for.” Chan said as if reading your mind and you stiffened in response at being found out causing him to chuckle.

“Oh honey, your expressions are just really easy to read.”

You purse your lips as you ponder over what he just said, something sticking out to you.

“Searching?” you repeat, curiously.

He nods. “We've been hunting for someone who possesses the rare blood type with the help of our talented Felix. You see, our Lixie is a tracker, meaning he has the strongest senses of us all. He was able to sense you the moment we moved into town even despite how far you were. Once we realized that there was someone in town with this special blood type, it was about tracking you specifically after that. Your scent was everywhere. It lingered all over town due to your delivery job. But one day, Felix tracked you all the way to your place of employment. That's when we knew we had to make an order.”

You stood, gaping in shock as he revealed everything to you. You had thought it odd at how casual they were with using your name despite you never having even met them before, but you knew now it was because they already knew you. Because they had been following you, or, tracking you, to be more specific. This wasn't just a random chance delivery. They'd probably been planning this night the moment they found out where you worked. And now they were ready to feed.

Chan continued. "As I said earlier. we're more than willing to make it worth your while if you choose to stay the night with us. If one thousand isn't enough, we can supply you with more. H-deficient is so worth it and for the first time, we could all feed together."

"Wait,” you pulled away from him since he still had your arm in his grasp. You didn't miss his frown as you did so. “Do you mean that you all want to feed from me? Like, all at once? Wouldn't that kill me?"

The frown that had made its way onto Chan's features was quickly replaced by a smile once again.

"Yes, I suppose if we were all to feed on your body, at once, it would kill you,” he said while looking amused like he wasn't all that opposed to that idea. “But you need not to worry because you see, we are a civilized clan,” he says while gesturing to his clan members around the room. “We'll each take turns. And because your blood satisfies us all, for the first time, we can all feed with whoever. We'd also make sure to give you the utmost care. We always take care of our donors. Whatever accommodations you need we can supply them. We want to make sure this is just as pleasurable an experience for you as it is to us. As a thanks to you for feeding us, that is, if you so choose, your comfort is our top most priority.”

You stared at him in silence for a moment and then looked around the room at all the hungry vampires, each silently awaiting your answer. You looked away.

“And what if I don't want to?” you asked carefully. “Will you throw me out?” Or worse…you added inwardly.

“No sweetheart,” Chan answered with a slightly teasing tone. “If that's your choice then we will respect that. As I mentioned before, we are a civilized clan that takes care of our donors. No harm will come unto you while underneath our roof.”

You stood, thinking about the positives you could get out of this situation. They were offering you a thousand dollar tip, after all. That was way more than you ever made in a month. Plus, you still couldn't deny that they were all pretty damn hot. An entire night with eight gorgeous vampires didn't seem all that bad especially if they were promising you full accommodations. And who knew? Maybe if this turned out okay, you could even have them as regular customers. This is what you had wanted, isn't it? To score big tips with rich customers.

After a few more silent moments of deliberation, you finally sighed and nodded.

“Okay. I'm willing to try this with you all. But I've never done anything like this, so I can't promise how I'll react to being bitten.”

“Don't worry about it, babe,” suddenly said the dark, long-haired one you already forgot the name of. “All of us are more than experienced. We've been hunting and feeding for decades. We'll make sure you're comfortable.”

Chan nodded, agreeing with his clan member before turning to you again.

You nodded as well. “Okay,” you agreed, finally. “Then I'm in. I'll do it.”

“Great!” Chan said, seeming eerily happy but that may have just been you. Everything he did seemed to throw you off a bit.

Then suddenly, in the blink of any eye, you found yourself whisked off back to the dining room once again. You looked down and realized you were seated at the head of the dining table just as you were before only this time, instead of a silver covered dish in front of you, there was now a sheet of paper that looked old based on how yellowed, and crumpled it was.

The handwriting on it was so small you could barely make it out. Not that you really could even if it was all in legible writing for it was all written in Korean.

“This is just an old confidential agreement,” Chan informed as he came up beside you. “For protection. We need your word that you will not disclose anything that happens while you are in our care.”

“Oh, of course,” you agreed. That made sense. They were vampires after all, and surely didn't want their business all over town. Not that you thought anyone would believe you even if you did go around town telling everyone you knew. You looked up at him. “Do you have a pen?”

He shook his head. “That's not how you will sign.”

You frowned as he pulled out a needle point pin. “Your blood will be the signature.”

“Oh,” was your shocked reply.

He gestured to your hand, and you slowly brought it up to him.

He held the palm of your hand in his larger, veiny ones. He looked down at your seated frame. “Are you sure you're ready for this, y/n?”

“Y-yes,” you stuttered, slightly anxious, but still excited.

“Well then…” with that, he pricked your index finger with the needle, then pinched your finger thus, causing a little bulb of red liquid to form at the tip.

Your breath hitched as you watched his hands squeeze your finger tip, continuously drawing more blood. You noticed the dark veins around his black eyes coming back with a vengeance, making him look more sinister with each passing moment and you gulped. He must have had a good deal of self control despite how much your blood seemed to entice him.

“There. Now you can sign.” You noticed his voice was about an octave deeper than he previously sounded only a moment ago.

Taking your index finger, you signed along the black line at the bottom of the page. When finished, Chan squeezed your finger once again, this time letting a little drop of blood fall onto the sheet of paper. He then takes your thumb, and presses it into the red liquid, making a thumbprint.

He smiles. “Perfect.”

Immediately, he takes away the sheet and rolls it up, before pocketing it. He then glances down at you and frowns. “Do you want to get out of those wet clothes?”

You look down at your uniform all wrinkled, and wet from being outside in the pouring rain. You then look back at him and nod. “Please.”

Chan looks towards his clan members, all scattered around the table, some seated, some standing but each of them focused on you and nudges his head at them.

Instantly, two of them stand and move over to you. You remember them as the two youngest.

“Seungmin and Jeongin will show you to your room and help you get situated,” Chan says and you're immediately helped from your chair and guided by the two out of the dining room, but before you leave, Chan calls you one more time.

“And y/n?”

You turn around and look at him.

He smiles, and for the first time, you realize he has dimples as this smile seems more genuine than all the others he had given you that night so far.

“Thank you for choosing to stay with us. We promise this will be a night you'll never forget.”

[violetmuses]

Requested! 💌

@readingisahobby 🏷

2024

“Who orders pizza in Miami?” For the first time in quite a while, previous criminal Armando Aretas pulled jokes.

“I'm starving!” You rolled both eyes while everyone laughed, but Detective Mike Lowrey and his partner Marcus Burnett clocked out.

Opening the door, you see this delivery driver smiled while holding boxes and he's definitely interested.

“Here you go.” That worker is flirting once you've paid for everything.

“Thank you.” You smiled and bid farewell, yet feelings aren't mutual.

“Oh!” Weapons expert Kelly and tech genius Dorn, now dating, stand flabbergasted.

“Hush.” You've faced each comrade and set down the boxes.

“Why not give him your phone number?” Even Armando messed with you.

“Whatever. I'm eating by myself.” You've left the room, but Armando trailed your steps.

_____

Just minutes later, Aretas found you writing stuff down after finishing pizza alone.

“What's wrong?” Slightly accented English rasped toward you.

“Shit!” You jump back, setting this paper away from your desk. “Don't scare me like that.”

“Look at me, what's wrong?” Armando repeated himself through whispers.

“I've thought about you.” Your voice finally revealed the truth here.

“Me?” Armando picked up your journal and locked eye contact.

“Yes.” You stepped closer and tapped his nose before walking away.

[nobleelfwarrior]

Hot Take

But I don't think most pet owners should be.

And this is going to be about dogs because I've been delivering pizza and it's really obvious but I might go off about other animals later too.

If you own a dog and you want something to be delivered to your house, that dog needs to be trained not ram the person at the door at top speeds. How many people do I hear yelling at their dogs in what sounds like a genuinely angry/mean way because the dog won't stop barking. Then add in how many people have to physically block their dog from the door and there is almost no one left.

I've been jumped at by small dogs and big dogs. I'm delivering pizza and I've actually had a long journey of being ok with dogs because I didn't grow up with them, so their manerisms aren't intuitive to me. If this was happening even a few years ago, I would be much less ok. Not to mention allergies.

And just because your dog is nice, doesn't mean everyone else should just take your word for it. You see it a lot on dog training subreddits, but even if your dog is chill, other people might have reactive dogs, scared children, etc. Your dog can be friendly and still be dangerous.

My coworker has been gnawed at by very small "ankle-bitter" dogs, this time literally. And just because your dog is small, doesn't make things ok. If your dog decides to pick a fight, your dog will loose and maybe die.

What I'm saying is all dogs need to be kennel trained. Don't abuse them, but they need to be trained to leave the door when they hear the door bell or a knock because you are endangering your delivery guy who you didn't even tip very well. This is especially true if you're one of those people who goes "Don't ring the bell or knock because the dog will bark and then the baby will wake up." Maybe train your dog not to bark.

People seem to think that because dogs are common, they're easy and that is just not true. Dogs, because of their size and personality, need to be very carefully trained. Good news, they are trainable.

I think we need to be meaner to dog owners. they think that because they are almost default that they can get away with being bad owners and don't even realize how shitty they are becuase, again, it's normalized. If you are a bad dog owner, don't worry. You can get better! You can teach an old dog new tricks and you need to tip your delivery drivers better to make up for the old tricks.

[mandy4ever69420]

4.12

debbie is still so my world. first of all im crazy about her little personality. second of all her decision to use a pizza delivery driver she knew as transportation when needed is very clever and funny. still sad though. matty death manifestation chant starts at 8:30 thirdly i really enjoyed how her worrying about visiting fiona and getting mad at lip for being hesitant ties into how mad she was at fiona in the start of the season for not looking for ian.

enjoyed hearing the exact moment the person im watching with realized ian was bipolar. oh fuck is right

debbie and carl played it so cool checking in on ian but later totally losing their minds when fiona gets home to ask her for help was very good. debbie especially did a very nice job holding it in "yeah, we know what this is"->oh my god fiona is here she needs to come. well placed so that you dont really think about how flatly scary it is to be 13 and realize your brothers all fucked up until she finally lets go

fiona's joy at coming home and being hugged was sweet. and then also the way she didn't lose that moment entirely but when she realized that debbie and carl were also so clingy because something was wrong

i liked that scene were lip gets briefly overcome at amanda's terrifying weird thing bc she's pretty and nice and she likes him and then he's moved by the kiss until all the other sorority girls start celebrating and he realizes (incorrectly) it was just to show off. amanda being normal amount of guarded about her feelings pre-sabotaging her later for when she tries to actually clarify because lip already felt a little spark of hope and then snuffed it before.

lip and fiona talking about ian being bipolar had another good foreshadowing. fiona to lip: is alcoholism genetic? VS lip ggiving fiona a hard time talking about AA.

it is with a heavy heart i must announce that sammi is still a likable person pre s5 when they decided she was going to be a villainous character. and then having having the tell me you fucking neeed me / snitch meltdown of s5.

anyone whos ever needed pain medication from a doctor recognizes the way that the surgeon talks to frank. i feel like this is a pretty good example case for 'the addicts that youre so scared of deserve to have their pain treated too'

joan cusack is still fantastic even if her character is evil. when she is denied adoption and not really offered an explanation her response made pretty clear the feeling that she really thought she'd have an "in" with a "community" if she just became a mother to their children and realizes that she's still an outsider when no one will translate for her. that's very sad. fuck you though. also interesting howwww obvious it is that sheila was the bad guy in arguments w sammi while frank was hospitalized here

much to consider about how arguably the most longterm harmful thing in terms of life impact that frank does to his kids (consistently encouraging them to drink) is also the thing he does when he's trying his hardest to be sweet and connect. like he's a terrible asshole but when he's having a gentle little moment of reflection with carl and offers carl a drink and carl says no and frank says no come on. that was an olive branch and also the worst way to behave

i reiterate how stupid it iswhen people complain about shameless side characters being 'forgotten' when they are written off in a clear and very very sad type of way that just means they left. i am referring to bonnie becoming terrified she's going to fuck carl up and taking her whole family and evacuating the area permanently. Side note also anne gonzalez.

mickey is so fucking awesome. but you knew this

it's nice svetlana has switched gears into being conciliatory but i still don't agree with "no more bullshit with baby" ideologically. like it's not like she has a better choice i don't take issue with her specifically but i've seen how peoples media comprehension is and i worry people think this is an "epic win" of some sort. it is not her fault but god help me. absolutely it was killing me to see mickey's distaste for a baby but we need to understand he doesn't actually have to be a parent. again svetlana did not have better options as far as she was concerned this was the horse she had had her cart hitched to

[frogtansonyeondan]

modern technology is so bad for us socially anxious folks bc it enables us to just never interact with another person ever. Scared of the grocery store? That's fine. You can pay someone to do your shopping for you now! Terrified of calling to order a pizza? no problem! You can do it online and the delivery driver can even leave it at your door! Hate going to the doctor? Now you can have a zoom call with them from the comfort of your own home! Don't like going into the office and talking to your coworkers? Just work from home! On the one hand, it's a great development for disabled folks but on the other, it's created an excuse for those of us who already have social difficulties to just sit inside the house and regress.

[rotttnapple]

Please Stay (cont.) @wrathfulmercy

“Thank you.” Charley murmured in soft response, his nervous fears slipping away as if carried by a stream. It would be easier, the knowing. No more nights spent tossing and turning, hardly able to sleep, dragging himself out of bed the next morning to go back out, a ghost on the streets, unseen but always watching. It was harder to stay safe when he was tired, his instincts dulled and his reactions slow. His years on the streets had honed his senses to a fine point but even the sharpest knife could be easily dulled. And maybe Rick wouldn’t mind so much if he called to tell the man he would be out later than his usual time, he didn’t want to worry him anymore than he had worried about the Sheriff himself.

“Might be a little tight.” Charley commented, soft, smiling as he nuzzled gently against the older man. Soaking him up, taking him in, savoring all of this. It was a rare thing, wasn’t it? To find a connection so...intense. To find someone who cared, who wanted to stay, who wanted him to stay. He was never the wanted one, even as a child. There was something richly exciting about it, filling him with a new kind of warmth. Rick had soothed him so easily, pulling him away from the precipice of total panic and subsequent shut down. Away from the dark pit that would have consumed him, left him feeling hollow and exhausted. 

He only nodded at Rick’s words, the kiss on his forehead making his eyes close again for a moment, his blush darken another shade. He rested comfortably against him, under his jacket. Was there anything better than this? He couldn’t imagine if there was, listening to him talk, more than happy to accept the spoiling that was being directed on him. Rick felt strong, eternal, someone who could always keep him safe, always make him happy. Maybe his worries that the man would be hurt somewhere, out there in the line of duty had been wrong. In this moment Rick seemed invincible, untouchable, above everything that could possibly hurt them or pull them apart. 

“I’d like that.” Charley murmured in response, surprised at the suggestion. It was only natural that he was curious where the man lived, how he lived. Charley always assumed the distinct separation of their lives was for Rick’s protection as much as it was for his. If the other street rats knew he was working for the Sheriff, offering him information, he would be labeled as a snitch and dealt with accordingly. Charley had seen the end results of such things before - if the victim lived, they wish they had died. More often than not they got their wish - either by their own hand or by furthered retaliation. That wasn’t something that needed to bother him now - Rick was safe, and Rick was careful. He wouldn’t let him get hurt. Charley lifted a hand again, resting it against one of Rick’s cupping his cheek. He turned his head and pressed a kiss into his palm there, looking back at the sheriff, eyes dark and warm with everything unsaid.

“I’d like that too.” Charley whispered, soft, shifting in the man’s lap to straddle him, knees resting on either side of his hips. Charley was the one who cupped Rick’s face now, leaning in to kiss his mouth, as sweet and delicate as the rest of him, tongue gently teasing the sheriff’s lower lip before he pulled back again, watching him, questioning. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest, pounding against his ribs in a hard tattoo. 

[evandarya]

Heat

{Read on AO3}{Part 1}

"I don't know what scares me more, Dickie. That you invited strangers to Bruce's private stretch of beach for a bonfire, or that they agreed to come." Jason said. They had been hauling logs around for half the day, building what could easily be a small beach hut that they were going to set on fire. Not that Jason was against fires, far from it, but they had only met Jazz and Danny and Dani-with-an-i the day before. Jason would love to get to know Jazz more and figure out why the Green reacts to Danny the way it does, but this seems forward, even for Dick.

"I'm good with people." Was Dick's only answer. 

"You're a class A manipulator, that's  what you are." Jason shot back. 

"Well, you know what they say: "Mansplain, Manipulate, Malewife." Dick hoisted the last log onto the pile and brushed the dirt from his hands. 

"What?" Jason asked, bewildered.

"It's a meme. Don't you ever go on the internet?" 

"Yeah, for research, not memes."

"Oh my gods, don't tell Tim that, you'll break the little nerd's heart." 

"Whatever, what time are they supposed to get here?" Jason asked as they headed back to the beach house.

"They should be here soon. I told them the pizza will be here at eight." Dick checked his watch.  "I bought enough to feed an army of Flashes with enough left for midnight snacks."

"That delivery driver is going to hate you," Jason said with a grin.

"I tipped them 50 percent, so they shouldn't be too mad," Dick said, knocking the sand from his sandals and stepping into the house.

There was a knock on the door and Dick answered to find Danny, Jazz, Dani, and a delivery woman each holding a warming bag. 

“Hey, Dick,” Dani said with a smile. “When you said you were going to have enough pizza to feed an army I thought you were exaggerating.” 

“I never exaggerate about food,” Dick said, thanking the delivery driver and waving everyone in. The delivery person unloaded the pizzas and took her warming bags back. Dick slipped her an extra twenty, which she tried to refuse but Dick slipped it into one of the bags. 

“Richard! Did you remember to order a veggie pizza for me?” Damian asked as he came into the kitchen. Tim almost bowled him over when he stopped dead at the sight of Dani. “Hello, Danielle. It is nice to see you again.”

“Don’t stop in the middle of the walkway brat, Tim said, pushing around Damian to check the pizza boxes. 

“Hey, Dames! I think I saw a veggie and a plain cheese on the order slip,” Dani offered cheerfully. 

“We didn’t know what kind of drinks you liked,” Danny said, setting his backpack down and unzipping it. “So we got a bit of everything.” Danny pulled out three two liters of soda from his backpack and set them on the counter. Jazz set her own bag down and pulled out a jug of sweet tea and a two-liter of lemonade.

“You didn’t have to get anything!” Dick said. “I made juice and tea.” 

“Your tea is too sweet, Dick,” Jason said, taking a slice of pepperoni pizza from one of the boxes and biting into it. “I’d like tea, not diabetes.” 

“Diabeetus.” Danny and Tim said at the same time. They met eyes and both looked away with a blush. 

“Fine.” Dick fake pouted. “Let's eat so we can start the bonfire.” 

***

Tim had never been to a bonfire before. He’d been to housefires and fires caused by explosions, some he set off himself, but he’d never really sat in front of a fire for the fun of it. Dick had run off almost as soon as the fire was lit, saying something about going to get marshmallows, but he hadn’t seen his brother since. Dani and Damian were sitting side by side on a log across the fire from him, holding a quiet conversation. Dani laughed at something Damian had said and Damian blushed in response. Jason and Jazz had disappeared pretty quickly, claiming they wanted to go on a walk, but they left holding hands, so Tim figured they wanted some alone time. Danny was sitting on the sand next to him, drawing some intricate symbols in the sand. Tim watched him for a moment, enjoying the heat from the fire. It was a nice contrast from the cool sea breeze blowing across his neck and back.

“What’s that?” Tim asked. Danny froze and a red flush crept up his neck that had nothing to do with the fire. 

“Just, ah. Nothing, really.” Danny said, obliterating the symbols with his hand. “Just, it’s kind of embarrassing.” 

“Is it like a secret code or language or something?”

“No, more like a summoning script,” Danny said. 

“To summon what?” Tim asked. He knew summonings were real, and if Danny was involved in magic, well, that was something the Justice League would be interested in. 

“The Ghost King,” Danny said, waving his hands around in a way that was supposed to be spooky before laughing.

Tim laughed, too. It felt nice. Danny had an easy casualness about him, something Tim couldn’t help but feel drawn to. Danny leaned back against the log Tim was sitting on and stretched his arms out, brushing Tim’s leg as he did so. 

“This is nice,” Danny said, gazing up at the sky. “Back home I don’t have time to just look at the stars anymore.” 

“You can’t see the stars where we live, too much light pollution,” Tim said, gazing up as well. “I never have been able to pick out constellations.” All the bats knew enough about the stars to navigate by them, but picking out shapes from the thousands of stars up there was never Tim’s goal.

“It’s not hard, once you know how to find them,” Danny said, pointing up toward the sky. “In the northern hemisphere, you can always find the Big Dipper. You see those four stars in kind of a square with three more heading off to the side?” Tim looked but he couldn't see where Danny was pointing, so he slid off the log and sat closer to Danny. Just so he could follow his finger as he traced the different constellations in the sky. And if the places where their arms touched burned a little hotter? Well, that was because of the fire.

***

“So,” Jason said. He wasn’t sure what to say. Should he bring up the fact that the pit reacts to her brother? Then he’d have to explain the pit to her. Or maybe he should just ask where they are from, and look into it later? That's a normal question, right?

“What brings you to Florida?” Jazz asked before he made a decision. 

“Mandatory Family Bonding Time,” Jason said. “You?”

Jazz laughed, full and loud. Jason was glad it was dark because he didn’t want her to see the heat creeping up his neck. “Our parents are here for a conference. They wanted Danny to come to help them out and I knew if I didn’t come, too, they would make him work all weekend. Then Dani heard about it and invited herself along, too.” 

“Was Dani not invited to begin with?” He wondered aloud. 

“Dani’s not technically our sister, she’s more like a cousin, so she doesn’t live with us.” Jazz said. “But she and Danny are close, they have a lot in common. He feels responsible for her, so he’s always treated her like a little sister.” 

“Do your parents treat her like a daughter?” Jason asked. 

“No, to them she’s a distant cousin.” Jazz looked out toward the ocean, thoughtful. “They aren’t bad parents, but they get caught up in their own work and everything else falls by the wayside.” 

“That's why they were okay with you going to a stranger’s beach house for a late-night bonfire?” Jason asked with a grin. 

“Are you a stranger?” Jazz asked. “I thought we had got to know each other pretty well yesterday.” Jazz stopped walking and turned to face Jason, her hand resting lightly on his chest, looking up at him with those soft teal eyes. Before he knew what he was doing he leaned forward and met her pink lips with his own. 

The kiss lasted for only a few seconds before he pulled away. Before he got too far Jazz pulled him back down into a deeper kiss. One of Jazz’s hands snaked up to rest on his neck, keeping him exactly where she wanted him. He could break free, but why would he want to?

***

Damian was used to the heat. Growing up in the desert had made him used to it. He didn’t understand the appeal of a bonfire. Campfires to keep warm and ward off predators, sure. But the fire Grayson had made was too large and required too much wood and put off too much heat to be comfortable. An issue Drake and Fenton didn’t seem to share as they sat cuddled up on the sand. 

“Come on, Dames, let's go before they start kissing,” Danielle said, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. They walked hand in hand along the beach. Danielle seemed to have a destination in mind, so he allowed her to lead him. They were quiet for a long time until Danielle broke it. “I’ve never been to the beach before. I’ve been almost everywhere in the country, but I’ve never thought of going to a beach.” 

“Does your family travel a lot?” 

“No, Danny and Jazz have school and jobs.” 

“You don’t have school?” He had been taught everything in the league, but Father still made him go to school. 

“Let's climb up there,” Dani said, pointing to an outcropping of rock. There was an obvious and well-worn trail leading to the top. 

"Who do you travel with, if it isn't your siblings," Damian asked as they started up the trail.

"I go alone, most of the time. Sometimes Cujo comes with me."

"Your parents make your siblings go to school, while you are allowed to travel alone?" Something was wrong with this family if that was the case.

Dani gave him a look over her shoulder that he couldn't quite grasp in the darkness. "You know I'm not actually Danny and Jazz's sister, right? Their parents aren't my parents. My father is their uncle."

"And your father is okay with you traveling alone?" 

"Not exactly, but the less he knows about me and where I am the better. He isn't exactly nice." They had reached the top of the cliff by this point and Dani walked right to the edge overlooking the ocean, unafraid of falling. "It's beautiful." 

Damian couldn't spare a glance at the water, instead, he watched Danielle's face, happy and calm, and made a vow. No harm shall come to Danielle as long as he could prevent it.

[sleepysloth99]

Pt 1

Warning: This isn't as upbeat as most of my posts are. Drug use is mentioned, violence, (of course, it's a Walking Dead AU!) So yeah if that's upsetting please skip this :)

The Walking Dead x Pigpen Crossover (AU)

Written by sleepysloth99

Part 1, Boss?

Jinhyeok:

Jinhyeok was working the night shift at a pizza parlor the very first night the outbreak started. He figured he'd go to work for some money, that it wasn't that serious, that even if he did die it wouldn't necessarily matter since he didn't have anyone to miss him anyway. He was taking out the trash when he heard a subtle groan. He scanned the alleyway and saw a woman slumped, staring at a wall.

"Uh... ma'am? Place's closed. Please come back tomorrow. It's not safe to be out here so late anyway--"

He stared at her.

"Ma'am... you okay?"

She turned her head and only to his surprise she was paleish green. Eyes a milky white, flesh completely rotten. Jinhyeok froze in fear.

"Wha... what the hell?" He just barely got away when the adrenaline started pumping and he dashed his way back inside.

"Kim-- sir-- there..." he panted "there's a lady... she... she--"

His boss Kim spun in his chair groaning.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Jinhyeok screamed. Kim was a big guy... 500 lbs to be exact. So to be stuck in a narrow pizza parlor with a chubby undead guy and no weapon was a death trap.

Jinhyeok knew he had to take action. He looked around for anything close by and found a pipe sticking out of the wall. He gave it a firm tug, hands slipping from sweat as Kim slowly stumbled to him. He just barely got chomped when it broke off and he hit him on the head.

Stunned but adrenaline still pumping, Jinhyeok gave Kim a few hits, when he struck him hard on the head. The impact breaking his head open. Jinhyeok falls back scared out of his mind. Kim's brains spilled all on the tiles.

Jinhyeok knew he had to run. He grabbed his backpack, packed a few things including the pipe, and sped off on the delivery bike.

Part 2: A Memorable Night

Romi:

Saturday night, 11:45 p.m. Romi was in the bathroom at her friend's house applying eyeliner.

"Yo! Romi! You almost done in there?" Shouted Ha-rin.

"Yeah! Hold on!" Said Romi, popping her lips to press the lip tint in. Tonight was going to be the best night ever. The night before she leaves back to college. Before she had to study again. It was going to be memorable.

And it was... just not that way she was expecting.

"Ooh you look nice!" Said Ha-rin, oogling Romi's outfit. From the black tank top to the contrasted pleated skirt with fishnets and heels, Ha-rin loved it.

"Aw thanks! You too!" Replied Romi, oogling Ha-rin's short pastel strawberry dress and dangly earrings.

They rushed into the car and drove for a good 30 minutes, taking a few sips of vodka along the way. When they arrived they pulled up to a massive abandoned church with a graveyard and everything. People were dancing, taking shots, getting high, etcetera. Much to Romi and Ha-rin's amusement, some folks were dressed as monsters in bikinis.

Once they settled with their drinks, Ha-rin pulled Romi aside.

"Hey... so... I heard Byung-ho was gonna be here tonight and uh..."

"You want me to give you guys some privacy... right?" Asked Romi with a smirk.

Ha-rin nodded.

"Sure thing." Said Romi, and off she went.

For the next four hours she went around the lot. Dancing, drinking, smoked a bit, and talked to random strangers. She went to the bathroom to touch up some of her foundation and checked her phone.

"Huh... it's been hours now and Ha-rin hasn't even texted me."

She stands there in front of the mirror. Internally debating if she should shoot her a text or not. She went to put her phone back in her purse when suddenly a hunch made her pause abruptly.

She wasn't sure why but she had a feeling that Ha-rin was in trouble...

By now she had left the bathroom and is pushing random people through the crowd.

"HA-RIN.... HA-RIN!!!" Romi shouted out, but was overpowered by the loud speakers. Everyone was crowding her, pushing and pulling when she looked to her left and saw a group of people running and screaming.

"RUN!" Yelled a man from the crowd.

Romi looked around when she saw a rotting old woman bite the neck of a young man.

Romi was too shocked and horrified to even scream. All she thought was... *"Oh no... Ha-rin... she--"*

Her phone buzzed.

Romi checked her phone... it was Ha-rin.

"Romi you gotta come here"

"NOW"

She frantically typed.

"Where are you? What's going on?"

The god forsaken ellipsis chat bubble popped up for what felt like hours.

"I'm in the cellar. Some guy crawled through the window and bit Byung-ho."

"Romi he's not moving. I'm scared!"

"Are you safe?" Romi typed.

"Yeah considering. I'm hiding in the little closet under the stairs."

Romi: "Okay stay where you are. I'm on the way."

Ha-rin: "And Romi--"

A guy bumped into her, dropping her phone. Instantly the screen shattered into a million pieces.

"Hey watch where you're--"

Romi choked on her words. The guy that bumped into her was... dead.

She stumbled and fell from her heels.

*"Ah... ah... shit. What do I do?! I don't have anything on me to fight! All I have are these heels and-- wait!"

The walker fell on top of her and was only a few inches away from her face. In the midst of her panic she kicked her heel off and upwards. In her reach she pushed the walker away and pierced the stiletto through its eye. She pushed the corpse away, making a group of people trip. She took off her other stiletto and made a run for it. The cellar was down the hall to the left. Where some of those things were pouring out of.

"Looks like my only way to her is to fight them." Romi said, gritting her teeth at all the sprinkles of glass penetrating her feet.

One by one each walker slowly stumbled up to her, and each time she took her heels and hit them in the brain. Only a few times did they get stuck in the heads of them. But Romi managed, she pulled through, she made it to the cellar.

"HA-RIN! HA-RIN! I'M HERE! HA....rin...."

Romi mumbled the last bit. She was too late. Her stomach tightened and dropped at the sight of her best friend's organs being torn and feasted on bit by bit.

Romi couldn't even gag. She was just out of it completely... only snapping back when Ha-rin reached her hand out.

"Rom..."

"HA-RIN!"

"Don't...don't... come closer..."

"NO I'M NOT LEAVING YOU BEHIND! HA-RIN! HA-RIN!"

"I... love you... Rom-com*..."

(Rom-com was Romi's nickname. The only person that got to call her that was Ha-rin.)

Much to Romi's dismay she fled. Fighting her way out and stealing a pair of sneakers on her way out. Heels still in each hand for defense.

She walked for a few hours through the woods. Avoiding the walkers and made it to the road. Empty but a clear view.

There she saw bright headlights... the sound of a motorcycle echoed through the trees.

"Hey... HEY WAIT WAIT STOP PLEASE!"

The driver made a sharp turn, almost hitting Romi.

The driver took off their helmet. There a man with black hair and tired eyes stood.

"What are you doing out here? You do realize what's going on... right?" He asked.

Romi fell her knees.

"YOUGOTTAHELPMEPLEASETHEREWASA--AND AND MY FRIEND-- HA-RIN SHE-SHE--"

The man raised his hand.

"Hey calm down... and lower your voice. Don't want those things hearing us. Now... what happened?"

Romi took sharp pants.

"My friend... Ha-rin she... she... IT'S ALLMYFAULTISHOULDVENEVERLEFTHERSI•HA•IDE!" She bawled. Covering her face in shame and defeat.

The Man frowned.

"It's okay... you don't have to tell me. Get on."

She got on the bike and they sped off.

The Man's eyes filled with fear. "Shit... you hear that? They know where we are. You got a gun or something?"

"All I have are these heels but believe me they work..." Romi commented with a menacing tone.

"Great. Take them out. I'll keep driving." Said The Man

Each side came one or two walkers. Romi stabbed as many as she could, aiming for the eyes and the head. It was all going well when her stiletto got caught on a walker's head, making her lose one of her only weapons.

"How are we doing back there?" The Man yelled.

"Lost one heel." She answered.

The Man sighed.

"Okay... do you know how to drive?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?" She answered.

"Alright... take the wheel while I handle them." The Man commanded.

Romi was going to ask if he was sure but all she needed was one look in his cold, threatening eyes to know he was sure.

She quickly switched places with him. Now she was driving the bike, turning every now and then to avoid the potholes and whatnot. The Man pulled out a pipe and whacked each walker. Each hit a loud "B O N G" rung out. A split road leading up to a bridge was spotted by the two.

"Okay... we should go up there. Get higher ground." The Man suggested. Romi nodded in agreement.

"Once we're above we should scout for something. Whether it's a payphone, gas station, something that can help us find someone or supplies at least." Romi suggested.

"Right... yeah good idea!" The Man exclaimed. He looked at her with a cocky smirk.

"You know... we make a pretty good team. I'm Romi. What's your name?" She asks, making a turn.

"Nice to meet you Romi, I'm Jinhyeok."

•To be continued•

°

°

°

How was that guys? I was talking with a friend on Discord and suddenly thought of this. If you guys want I can post some more parts featuring Minu, Yumi, mom, dad, and maybe Taehui. This was my first time writing an apocalyptic setting and since my head has been nothing but Walking Dead Game brainrot, figured I oughta put it to good use. :)

[thesschesthair]

Had to copy and paste this Cos H O N E S T L Y

As we enter the next 3 weeks of lockdown here is a summary of the advice:

1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house

2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not

3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open

4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work

5. You should not go to the Drs or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there

6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable people. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster

7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes or not

8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out

9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some

10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it effects

11. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11)

13. You will have many symptoms if your get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...

14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go out shopping

15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic

16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication

17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out

18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including Pizza...

19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver

20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance

21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours... six hours... I mean days, not hours... But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic

22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores to be education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am

23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am

24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of… the people who die of corona who aren’t counted won’t be counted

25. You should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected

26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music.

27. No business will go under due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will have already gone under.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the UK 😒

[e-spexially]

If you don't want to read this whole thing, I've provided the audio reading of it. I suggest giving it a listen, it adds a whole different and more unsettling mood

I’d like to share with you all an incident that actually happened in my little home town. When it first happened, I was pretty young, so I just picked up bits and pieces from hearing adults talk. But that was rare. It’s like they thought, whatever happened, there was something in it that had to be shameful. It always scared the heck out of me when they did whisper about it. Now, after what happened here and knowing more, it’s even scarier.

For me, it started when I was nearly ending my shift at the clinic one night. It was a gloomy evening. We’d had a hunting accident earlier, but otherwise it was quiet. Mitch Lemieux, this guy who owns a garage on Cartier Blvd, five-time arm-wrestling champ down at the Caribou bar, comes in panicking, looks spooked out of his mind. Never seen him so much as flinch before that. So I’m expecting some serious carnage.

He’s shouting for help, so I call two EMTs to go out with him. They come back with a half-naked girl. Her clothes are torn to ribbons and what’s left of them is soiled. She has cuts, bruises, and like pond scum or something over her. She has this deadness in her eyes like nothing I’ve ever seen.

They get her in a blanket, a stretcher and take her away. Everyone in the waiting room is standing now and the only sound is Mitch panting. Because everyone knew that girl was Chantal Norman. The same Chantal who’s been missing for twelve years.

Since then, I’ve found out a lot more details about her disappearance. I had to. I got specifics wherever possible. I’m going to lay them out here.

The Girls Who Went Away

I may have heard more talk than some as a kid because my big sister, Virginia, was friends with Chantal and the other two, Jenna and Lise. She was supposed to hang out with them one weekend. I remember she was talking about it all week. I guess Chantal’s parents were out of town, so she was excited.

When Thursday came around, she starts saying she doesn’t feel like going anymore. My Mom questions her, asks if she’s had a fight with the girls, that sort of thing. Even if she’s pregnant. Virginia got upset and left the table, saying, “You don’t understand.”

By Saturday, she was starting to cry all the time for no good reason. She finally told my parents she knew something bad was going to happen that weekend. “They’re going to die, Mom!” she said. That sticks in my memory like it was yesterday. She was so certain it gave me chills. But nobody believed her.

On Monday, Virginia came home from school hyperventilating. My Mom could hardly get a word out of her. When she did, it was, “They’re gone!”

Soon the story was all the town could talk about. The three girls disappeared that Saturday night. Had Virginia gone, she would’ve been the fourth.

The night of the disappearance, Maestro’s Pizza had a call from Chantal’s phone at 8:47pm for pizza. The driver recorded the delivery at 9:20pm. He said the girls looked ok when he delivered the pizza. All three were at the door. He said it seemed like one of them kept looking behind her, like someone else was there. He couldn’t see anyone.

A receipt from a nearby liquor store was timestamped 9:39pm. The clerk recalls only seeing Jenna and Lise. (Chantal was not yet 18, so that may have been why.) They did not seem distressed to him, although one kept checking her watch.

At 10:14pm and 10:17pm, two calls were found in Chantal’s phone records. Neither call was local. One was to a law office three-hundred miles away. The recorded voicemail was one minute and sixteen seconds of breathing. The second call was to a residence on Prince Edward Island. The woman who answered the phone said the caller asked, “Is he there?” and hung up before she could get clarification. She’d never heard of Chantal and had no idea why Chantal would be calling her. The law office said the same.

That was the last confirmed time anyone heard from Chantal, Jenna, and Lise.

At 11:29pm a 911 call was placed from an unknown phone. A woman is heard whispering, “Send someone, please.” And when the dispatcher asks where, she says, “We don’t know” and the call drops. None of the girls’ parents could say it was their daughter. It may have been a coincidence.

The next day, after not being able to reach her daughter or Chantal, Lise’s mother calls for a wellness check. At 5:45pm on Sunday, police arrive. Chantal’s home is locked up. No signs of a break-in or a struggle. The alarm system was in ‘Home’ mode. The cars were still parked outside. The girls’ phones had been left on the table, one was even left charging. Nothing had been stolen. Slices of pizza were out on the coffee table, partially eaten. Half-drunk drinks were beside the plates.

It’s like they’d just been in the middle of having a good time, drinking, listening to music, when they suddenly dropped everything and ran off. It’s not even clear how they locked up, because the house keys were found on the kitchen counter.

Nobody could understand it. But there was a bad feeling about the whole thing. Even the cops say they felt “dread” when they approached the home. They felt what Virginia had felt before: that something terrible happened.

The usual events that surround missing girls followed. Much of the community helped search surrounding wooded areas. Signs were put up everywhere, all the way to Montreal. It must’ve cost a ton. The bay was searched and a body was found. It turned out to be someone else. In fact, I believe that body was never positively identified.

Police questioned everyone who knew the girls. Family, friends, neighbors. Nobody saw anything, heard anything particularly suspicious. They questioned Virginia a few times about why she didn’t spend the weekend with them as planned and why she wasn’t helping with the searches. To the latter, she said, “It’s too late.”

The Case Gets Stranger

That’s when the weird stuff started to come out. I think every case that’s low on leads like this is going to have some degree of strange tips that go nowhere. But these strange tips went somewhere. This is the stuff that made people not so keen to talk about it.

The first strange report was from an old man, an ex-cop, in a town an hour away. The night the girls disappeared, he was having trouble sleeping. This was around 1 am, he says. While he’s taking a leak, he thinks he hears someone in his yard. It sounded like it might’ve been giggling. Figuring it was kids, he ran out with a bat just to scare them. When he got to his backyard, which backs up to the tree line, he saw three girls holding hands and running single file into the woods.

He ran after them, because there’s a lot of woods back there. He was afraid they’d get lost or hurt. When he got to the woods, he couldn’t find them. They were just gone. He felt stupid about the whole thing, so he kept it to himself. Until he heard three girls had gone missing.

A search was conducted in the area, dogs brought in, but nothing was ever found to say the girls were actually there. It creeps me out thinking about it, because, if it was them, why would they be there? It’s a long walk from Chantal’s home to this town. Why would they walk all that way to wander into the woods?

Chantal’s parents were questioned repeatedly if they’d received demands. Someone said they’d seen Chantal’s father meeting with some men in black suits the week before the girls disappeared. They were getting into a black car when he’d been spotted. Chantal’s dad was a roofing contractor, so top secret meetings wouldn’t have been his thing. He denied it at first. Later he said they were hardware salesmen. So why’d he start by lying? What hardware salesmen act like that?

It didn’t help their case that Chantal’s mother believed the girls were dead. She said it was because of something that happened while she was out of town. At the hotel where she was staying, three birds got into the lobby the same night the girls disappeared. Staff got a 40 foot ladder to get the birds down, but when they got up there, the birds were nowhere to be seen. “Why exactly three birds? That was their spirits. They’re with God now.” That’s what she used to tell people.

I guess that brought her comfort. Someone told Virginia about it once and she said, “They’re nowhere near God…”

Some people shared that opinion because, when police went through their search history, there was a lot of odd stuff you wouldn’t expect popular, cheerleader types to be into. There was a lot of occulty stuff and conspiracy theories. One weird search phrase stood out on the report, “can a TV signal make you do things” and variants on it. The last item in Chantal’s history, at 10:01pm, was for a mountain cottage in Arkansas.

They were in contact with someone with the handle ThePrince. Not many details of those interactions came out. I heard from someone in the police department that he was telling them to do things. There was only one of those he felt he could tell me: this guy had asked them to do something to Virginia. He wanted them to bring her out to this old woodshed back behind the yellow house on Nelson Rd. That was supposed to happen the night they disappeared. “Think about it,” he told me. “What do you think would’ve happened to your sister if she went that night? What would’ve happened?” His look told me this was something that kept him up at night thinking about it. I know the feeling.

They were never able to track down who this ThePrince was, from what I understand. Efforts to contact him online failed.

One of their mutual friends heard Chantal talking about some guy named ‘Vincenzo.’ How Vincenzo knew everything and told them things nobody’s supposed to know. She said Chantal told her Vincenzo took them out to a secret place. Another friend said while sitting with some other friends he saw Chantal talking on her phone at school. She was talking for five minutes or so. She came back and said it was Vincenzo. But everyone at the table swore she didn’t even have a phone in her hand. She was just facing the wall, talking. Whether real or made up, Vincenzo was another dead end.

And there were sightings of the girls everywhere. Sometimes locally, but some claims came from as far as Vancouver and even Australia. Sometimes in the woods, sometimes walking along the street, at the beach. Someone said he was sure it was Chantal who begged him for money in Toronto. Someone else said they saw the girls along the street on a vacation to Mexico. She said the girls retreated into the crowd when she called to them. “Why would they run away like that?” she asked.

Maybe the strangest was a guy who could point to some photos he and his wife had taken at a party. In the background, two girls and part of a third that looked just like them. The thing is, the photos were at a watch party for the fall of the Berlin Wall. The girls were infants at the time those pictures had been taken.

There was a lot mysterious about this case. Why’d they disappear? How’d they get where they were going? Was someone else involved? Where’d they go? Were they dead? The odds of them still being alive were extremely low. Nobody believed we’d ever see them again. With the reappearance of Chantal, the question now was: Where have they been for the past twelve years? And where are the others?

Chantal

Mitch told me, officers, everyone who’d listen, how he found her. He’d been out on his own land���his father’s land, technically, acres and acres of it going way back into the woods—hunting deer. He was up in his stand, way back there, having a few beers. He saw some movement far off in the trees. He was ready to take a shot, but something made him hold on. Just the way it’s moving. Too slow and unsteady for a deer, even a wounded one. It’s a sickly walk. He keeps watching as it comes closer. It’s a person, he’s sure. He’d normally be furious someone was trespassing. But this is too weird. She’s slowly walking straight toward the tree where his stand is and he can now see it’s this half-naked, beaten girl.

“Wherever she’s been, I don’t ever wanna go there,” he told me that night. Sent a shudder right through me. He reeked of something, like a scorched tar smell. And all I could think was that she’d been to hell and back.

The ER docs concluded she was physically ok. She needed food and warmth, but otherwise just bruised up. What she needed was psychological evaluation.

Whatever peace and quiet she had in her room ended quick. Police arrived to question her, her parents (now divorced) were called, and they all wanted to know where she’d been, if she was ok. She still had that dazed, mindless look, even with her mother caressing her.

When she finally spoke, she gave an address. They tried to get her to say more, but that’s all she’d tell them. Just the address. It was a local one, on the other side of town past the old drive-in. Not many people live out that way anymore.

Police sent someone to the address immediately, hoping the other girls would be there. I found out from a friend that they had trouble finding it because the yard was so overgrown that the house number was covered. The house itself was sagging, a rotten old house with busted out windows.

Two cops were checking it out and even with two of them, both armed, the place made them nervous. They go inside and find an old mattress and a bunch of dolls on the floor. They heard a thudding sound from upstairs. One of them went up to check it out, while the other looked around downstairs.

The one upstairs went room to room looking for the source of the noise. He comes to one room where he sees the window shutters are open. He thinks he’s seen this in the movies before: it’s just the wind. What next, a cat jumps out? So he goes and closes the shutters. Then it occurs to him. There isn’t any wind.

He searches the upstairs and finds no-one there. He runs downstairs and asks his partner if he’s seen anyone. He hasn’t. He’s been flipping through a book he found. It’s a book about the Nazis with polaroids of children between the pages. They decide to get out of the creepy place and come back in daylight. On the way out, they both notice the back door’s been opened. They were sure it was shut when they’d arrived.

Investigators looked all over the property the next few days. One of the upstairs rooms has a lot of bloodstains. They’re tested and come back inconclusive. The polaroids are reviewed, but no-one recognizes the children. There wasn’t even a hint that Chantal or the others had been in that house. They can’t figure out why Chantal was so fixated on that address.

The owner of the house, according to records, made the purchase in 1974. Nobody in town had ever seen or heard of this person. More, as far as police could determine, this person didn’t exist. Others still living in the area say they’ve seen vehicles at the home before, years back. Never the same vehicle twice. But they never met anyone.

Hospital staff left Chantal’s mother stay with her the rest of the night. She didn’t want to leave her side. She was afraid of losing her again, perhaps. One of the nurses heard her mother asking her, “Where were you all that time, Chantal?” and saying things like, “You don’t look a day older.” And Chantal said, “I wasn’t anywhere.”

Technically my shift was over, but with what happened, I stayed on to help. And I was nosey. I didn’t try to go visit Chantal. I never really knew my sister’s friends. So I was surprised when I heard Chantal wanted to see me. I figured it would have to do with Virginia and I was right. She asked me if Virginia could come see her.

I just imagined how much she missed her friends and family after all this time, so I was quick to promise I’d try my best. Virginia had left town eleven years ago. She rarely even called. Something about the incident changed her. But I had her number, of course, so I called and told her everything that happened.

Up to, “She’s been asking to see you, V. Maybe she’ll tell you more.”

I was sure she would say she’s hopping on a plane. Instead, she said, “Chantal is dead. They’re all dead. They’ve been dead all this time.”

I said, “V, I was looking right at her. She spoke to me. She’s on an IV drip. She’s alive.”

“I don’t know who or what that is. All I know is if I come home, I’ll never be seen again.”

And she hung up. I called back a few times. She wouldn’t answer. My parents couldn’t believe it. She wouldn’t answer for them either. I couldn’t go face Chantal with that news, so I just went home.

I spent the night beating myself up about it. I could hardly sleep. Around 3am I heard faint knocking on my front door. All sorts of ideas went through my mind. What if Virginia decided to fly in after all?

Before I could go to the door to look, my phone rang. It was Virginia. I answered and asked right away if that was her at the front door. She told me she had a bad feeling and woke up in tears, sure something had happened to me.

“Don’t answer the door,” she said. “Please.”

I didn’t. I heard the knock again and I didn’t answer. V and I weren’t close. But I trusted her. I spent the rest of the night hiding in my own home, because she really freaked the shit out of me.

I found out the next day that Chantal had gotten out of her bed during the night, around 2:45am, while her mother slept. Hospital cameras show her walking out calmly, nobody notices. And just like that, she disappeared again. Nobody’s seen her since. No idea where she went after leaving the hospital, and still no idea where she’d been for the past twelve years. There’ve been searches, but I’m sure it’ll be all dead ends again.

[lemonflavouredspatula]

I used to be a pizza deliverer which, aside from the shit pay and fucking awful management, meant i got to meet a lot of dogs. Now this was amazing, don't get me wrong, but there was one particular house that i will never forget for as long as i live.

I was the only female driver in the shop and i was paid less than my male counterparts, even though i'd been there longer and did a shit load more than them, because i was trained in taking orders. So ya know, i appreciated tips. Like, a lot. And i tended to remember the houses with customers who tipped, and the ones who had dogs cos ya know, dogs are a tip in their own right. They enrich my life.

This house, however, became memorable for more than just their tips and their dogs.

I had heard about this house before i'd ever been there, from other drivers who had been scared out of their mind before the door had been opened. And of course, there were houses we avoided, ones we'd save the new drivers from. But this one, to this day, is the only one i've ever heard any of the drivers actually get scared about.

Because in this house was a dog. A dog who barked when someone came to the door. And an owner who tried to calm the dog down when this happened.

So when one of the drivers turned up at their door the first time, he was met with a barking dog and an owner shouting to get it to quiet down.

Shouting, and i quote - "DOWN KILLER. GET, DOWN."

So, you can probably understand why the driver was mildly concerned about what the fuck was going to greet him when the door opened. And had one foot behind him ready to run.

He told me about this whilst laughing. Because, as i later saw for myself, Killer, the dog, is a cute, cuddly, little fluffy white ball of love. Not a vicious bone in her body. And the owner's know it.

Now, this is not the end of this debacle. Because whenever i saw they'd ordered, i'd try my best to make sure i took it, because they're lovely people, and i loved seeing that little dog.

So when i turned up to their house with their pizza and saw they were getting a tesco delivery at the same time, i thought nothing of it. The door was open, Killer was running around with all the gusto of a puppy, and her owner was smiling and saying hi to me. Normal.

And then his smile dropped, and his face went serious.

I stood there and wondered what the fuck had happened. And he just looks at me and

"We've got another one."

At which point my heart just swoons because 'oh my god dog'. He invited me in to see it, because my love of dogs was apparently that obvious, and i just got a glimpse at the tiniest little puppy curled up fast asleep on a bed in the corner of the room. It was adorable.

I gave them their pizzas and the guy turns to me and says his name is Rocky. Now, considering their other fluff ball is called Killer, this struck me as somewhat mundane for them.

And i was right.

Because this dog is called Rocky for short. Just so that they don't have to shout out 'Rocky Balboa the Italian Stallion' everytime they want to get his attention and honestly, this man deserves an award.

Bonus part of the story -

I went back a week or two later, knocked on the door, and the guy opened it with a deadly serious expression, even more so than the last time. I couldn't read anything from his face, it was set, still, somewhat terrifying. I couldn't even say hello, i was just stuck staring at this man's face. And then he locked eyes with me and in the most serious and somewhat fear inducing voice, he said

"He's got bigger."

And then reached a hand out for the handle on the door to the living room, which i knew to be the room that little innocent puppy had been sleeping in when i last saw him.

And, let me tell you, at this point i had no idea what to expect. With the look in his eye and the tone to his voice, i was almost expecting a full grown wolf to march through that door and rip the pizza from my hands.

I should have learnt really, after the first time i heard the story about Killer.

Because when that door opened, there was no wolf, or giant wolfhound, just this little puppy that ran through and was bouncing around and jumping up and licking my hands as i bent down to stroke him. And yes, okay, he'd gotten bigger. He'd grown a bit. But by like a centimetre. Not the 5 year growth spurt the guy had made it sound like had happened over night.

I don't know what award he qualifies for, but i want to give him all of them.

"This is my cat Missy. It's short for Missile Launcher."

[victorawhi]

...AND NOW SOME #HUMOUR TO DIGEST

_I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE STRUGGLING. THE RULES ARE SIMPLE!_ 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house.

2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not.

3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open.

4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work.

5. You should not go to the Doctor's or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there.

6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.

7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes, or not.

8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out.

9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some.

10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it affects.

11. Animals are not affected, but there was a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11).

13. You will have many symptoms if you get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...it's a sort of lucky/unlucky dip.

14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go to the shops, unless you need toilet roll or a fence panel.

15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic, unless you've had a long walk, which you are/aren't allowed to do if you're old or pregnant.

16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication.

17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out.

18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including frozen pizza.

19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.

20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.

21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours...or six hours... I mean days, not hours. But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic.

22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores within their education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am.

23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am.

24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of. The people who die of corona who aren’t counted, won’t or will be counted but maybe not.

25. We should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected.

26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music whilst also having a party which you are allowed to call the police about.

27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus.

Hope that makes things clearer for you🤪