#DO YOU MEAN IF HE SOBBED QUIETER THEY’D CONTINUE TO IGNORE IT?

[actuallysolace]

Percabeth & Solangelo parallel! Making out in front of someone…..?????????

[livingstonegordo]

Operation Idiots in Love

Bobby

"Okay, that's it." Hen sighed as she watched Buck run up the stairs and out the front door. "I can't take it anymore. We have gotta get them together."

"Get who together?" Bobby asked, sipping a ginger ale.

"Those two idiots who are so far up each other's asses they can't see how in love with each other they are!" she exclaimed, gesturing to where Buck disappeared too.

Chimney was nodding enthusiastically as he listened to Hen. "He's literally abandoning us because Eddie called and said he broke up with the teacher!" He threw his arms up in the air, dangerously sloshing his own drink.

"Maybe we shouldn't meddle in their personal lives, guys," Bobby admonished lightly. "If Buck and Eddie are going to actually take the leap they need to do it on their own."

"Bobby, this is a family, and family meddles in each other's personal lives." Athena gently smacked his arm for emphasis. "Not to mention they're both so oblivious it could take 20 more years before they get it together." There were laughs and murmurs of agreement from their group.

Bobby and Athena had planned a small baby shower for Maddie and Chimney, not wanting to host too many people during a pandemic, but wanting to celebrate with their chosen family. It was just them, Hen and Karen, Buck and Albert, and of course Chimney and Maddie. Eddie had been invited but had back to back appointments for Christopher and was supposed to have lunch with Ms. Flores. They'd gotten through presents, cake, and some games and were mostly just hanging around and chatting in groups when Eddie called Buck to report that, for whatever reason, he and Ana had decided to call it quits. Buck had been sprinting up the stairs before Eddie had even stopped to take a breath.

"Whose personal life are we meddling in?" Maddie asked as she made her way over to them, leaving Karen looking bewildered with a very enthusiastically gesturing Albert.

"Buck and Eddie's," Chimney said, leaning over to kiss Maddie on the cheek when she gracelessly plopped next to him on the couch. "We can't take it anymore. They obviously need a push, just to get the ball rolling."

"I wholly agree," Maddie said. "They're never gonna get there on their own." She was slowly rubbing a circle on her stomach.

"We'll need to plan it out carefully," Hen said. "Maybe we should schedule something where we can get together and brainstorm."

"I'll make a group chat now." Athena set her drink down on a coaster on the coffee table and pulled out her phone.

"We should come up with a code name," Maddie said. "We don't want them knowing we're talking about them."

Grinning, Chim said, "Operation Just Admit It Already."

Hen snickered. "Operation No Homo."

"Excuse me?" Karen said walking up.

"Operation We Can't Stand the Sexual Tension Any Longer." At that Maddie shook her head then lightly pushed Chim.

Hen quietly explained what they were up to to her wife (who looked more and more gleeful with every word) while they all got a text from Athena who had finished creating their group chat. Bobby looked at his phone, a little dismayed to be included in it, but he smiled when he saw the name of the group chat.

"That's perfect, Athena." Maddie smiled. "It's not exactly discreet but they're so oblivious they would never think it's about them."

"Bobby called them that the other night, I thought it was fitting."

"We should include Carla! She'll be so angry if we don't. She likes to gossip about them with Maddie!" Chimney said.

"We do not gossip about my brother. We simply vent about how dumb they are." Hen and Karen laughed while Chimney rolled his eyes.

Bobby sighed, sure all future down time was going to be spent on this.

Operation Idiots in Love.

---

Maddie

The next day Maddie had some time, so she called Carla to explain what they were up to and she asked immediately to be added to the group chat.

"I've been watching those two dance around each other for years. It is high time they get it together."

"Oh I know!" Maddie exclaimed. She was sitting at the table with a cup of tea, wishing it was a second cup of coffee. "I met Eddie and Chimney at the same time and I said to Buck that day ‘he's cute’ meaning Chim, but Buck immediately responded with ‘he gets that a lot, you should see his son’ cause, you know, Eddie is always on his mind. Even back then." She shook her head even though Carla wouldn't be able to see it.

"They've both been through so much, before they met and after. I just want to see my two boys happy."

"And Christopher will be okay with it, right?" Maddie, who was always on the verge of tears these days, fought to keep herself from crying.

"Honey, Christopher has told me at least 4 times that he wants his dad to marry Buck, so that Buck can be around all the time!"

"He has?" Maddie asked, losing the battle with her tear ducts.

"That boy loves our Buckaroo so much,” Carla said, and Maddie could hear the smile in her voice.

"Buck loves him so much, too," she said, sniffling. "Okay I will add you to the group chat. But I am warning you now you might want to keep it muted. Chim and Hen have been blowing it up all morning."

After hanging up with Carla, Maddie had a stern talk with her tears ducts -we cannot cry over everything for the rest of this pregnancy!- downed her tea and quickly got ready for work. She'd downgraded to only working part time as her pregnancy progressed. Since this was a geriatric pregnancy (God, did Maddie hate that word) she knew she and the baby were at a higher risk and wanted to make sure she wasn't over exerting herself- not to mention the fact that she cried a lot easier these days. And when you're a 911 operator crying is not beneficial to the people who really need her help. When she got to the call center she saw May and Linda already on the phones and Josh standing with another operator named Cheryl. She quickly made her way to the locker room to stow her bag, stopped for more tea from the break room and settled in at her desk. It was an hour later when she got some inspiration from a call. The caller was a young woman, Daisy, who was on a first date at a small vegan restaurant, and her date, Cara, had been hit by a car while crossing the street after lunch- nothing serious just a broken leg, though, from the sounds of the scene, the driver was under the influence. She dispatched a squad car and EMS to the scene and waited with Daisy who was on the verge of a panic attack. Maddie was able to keep her calm by giving her clear directions on how to help her date, and reminding her to breath. Daisy had the phone on speakerphone, laying on the pavement next to Cara’s head and when the paramedics arrived Daisy let out a sob. “They’re here! Maddie, the paramedics are here!”

“Good. I may be a little biased, but the 118 is the best firehouse in the city and they will take excellent care of Cara.”

“Playing favorites, Mads?” she heard Chimney say followed by the smack of his chewing gum. “Guess I can’t really blame you. Alright, Miss, can you tell me your name?”

“Cara,” she said weakly. Daisy must have picked up her phone and turned off speaker phone because Chimney’s voice became quieter as he continued to assess Cara’s injuries.

“They know you?” Daisy asked.

“They do.” Maddie smiled. “We’re family.”

When Daisy disconnected the call, Maddie quickly wrote down the name of the vegan restaurant knowing that her brother would love it.

---

Hen

In the week since they started this group chat Hen and Chimney had been tossing out plenty of outlandish and silly plots to get the boys together, but she knew none of them would actually work. Maddie was working on something involving a restaurant but so far nothing had happened. They needed something so rational and normal that Buck and Eddie wouldn’t even question it. They needed a new tactic so she opened up Operation Idiots In Love and sent off a message.

When did you first realize? >Hen

Chimney< When Buck completely lost it when Eddie was trapped underground

Chimney< dude was clawing at the mud with his bare hands WAILING

Karen< Christmas 2019 he organized that whole dinner so Christopher could spend Christmas with his dad!

Carla< Xmas 2019 for me as well

Athena< When Bobby called Eddie after he stole Chimney’s phone and was nearly arrested.

Karen< Does that mean Bobby knew before then?

Karen< The first time Hen mentioned it to me was when Buck arranged for Christopher to spend the day at the firehouse. Is that when you knew, babe?

Chimney< 🤮 babe

That was the day I called it. The way that Eddie looked at Buck that day nearly knocked me over >Hen

👊🏾👀⚠️>Hen

Maddie< I think I knew for sure after the tsunami. Buck called me, completely wrecked because he didn’t know how to tell Eddie they were there.

Chimney< 🪓💪😙

Chimney< What about you cap?

Bobby< The tsunami was when I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Bobby< No one else saw them after they took that live round out of the guy’s leg in the back of the ambulance. My gut knew then.

Maddie< Wasn’t that Eddie’s first week at the 118????

Chimney< IT WAS!

Bobby< I don’t think they were in love then. But I knew they would end up here.

Bobby< Buck was actually flustered when Eddie complimented him.

“Flustered!” Karen exclaimed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Buck flustered.” Hen gazed down at her wife who was laying across the couch with her head in Hen’s lap. Hen had been absentmindedly playing with Karen’s hair (which Karen loved) and had a few strands wrapped around her knuckles.

Chimney< You know that Eddie got under Buck’s skin that very first day

Chimney< If Buck hadnt been so wrapped up in Abby back then things would be so much easier now

Athena< I hate to say our Buck needed his heart broken, but the heartbreak from Abby certainly helped him get to where he is today.

Athena< We got front row seats to Buck maturing these past few years.

Buck 3.0 🙈🤣🙄 >Hen

Carla< He really has come so far ❤🙌🏼

Maddie, how is your plan coming along? 👀 >Hen

Maddie< So I'm thinking of asking him to meet me at this new trendy vegan restaurant, but I can’t think of a good reason for standing him up and suggesting he go with Eddie 🤔

Karen< He would jump at the chance to try a new vegan restaurant! 🌱🤤

Carla< Oh he would love that, not so sure about Eddie though 🥩

Maddie< Exactly

Chimney< Hes so pretentious

Maddie< Honestly, I figured Eddie would go because Buck asked. But even if he refused Buck would probably pick just another restaurant

Maddie< I just can’t think of a plausible excuse for bailing

Maddie< Buck is too good at telling when I am lying 🤥😔

Chimney< Tell him you’re having contractions! 🤰👶

He would just rush off to the hospital, Chim > Hen

Bobby< He would just want to be at Maddie’s side

Karen< No, he would just want to be there for Maddie

Chimney< Alright, alright, hes too good of a brother for that 🙏

Chimney< 🙄🙄

Hen looked at the time and sighed. “You okay with making dinner, while I do some homework?” she asked.

“Of course, babe,” Karen said, smiling up at her. “Just give me 5 more minutes on the couch with you.”

“Anything for you,” Hen said, leaning down to kiss her wife’s forehead.

---

Chimney

Maddie was at a doctor’s appointment and Chimney, upset at not being able to go and bored at home on his own, invited Buck and Albert to go on a short hike. It was a small trail that had only just opened up after the mudslide, and while Albert was a little disappointed it wasn’t a more difficult trail he at least understood that Buck and Chimney both were hesitant to embark on a long trail with Maddie so close to her due date. The trail was fairly empty so they had taken their masks off, though Chimney was a bit weirded out by how naked he felt without it while in public. With Albert running ahead and out of earshot, Chimney decided it was a good time to ask Buck about his love life.

And naturally- he was incredibly awkward about it.

“So, Buck 3.0?”

“Yeah?”

“Is he gonna dip his toe in the dating pool anytime soon?”

Buck let out a huff of breath, looking down at his feet. “Buck 3.0 is about letting go of the past, but honestly? I still don’t think that I’m really in the right headspace to be dating now. Therapy is helping, but it’s not an overnight process. It’s a lot of work letting go of nearly 30 years of low self esteem and abandonment issues.”

“You’ll get there,” Chim said, clapping Buck on the back. “You’re honestly one of the best people ever, Buck.” Buck looked over at him with a single raised eyebrow. “I will deny it if you tell anyone.” He pointed a finger a Buck for emphasis. “But you are my favorite brother.”

Buck’s face cracked into a brilliant smile and he put his hands over his heart. “Oh, Chim, do you mean it? Really and truly??”

Chimney laughed and gave Buck a shove. “I hope it echoes in your ears for the rest of your life because I’m never repeating it.”

“It’s okay. I’m Albert’s favorite brother too.”

“You are not!”

“And Albert has no problems telling me every time I wash his clothes.”

“You wash his clothes for him! Buck, never, ever give Albert anything he will never be able to take care of himself!”

“I don’t mind the laundry, so I don’t make a big deal about it. I do Eddie’s laundry sometimes too.”

“You do Eddie’s laundry?” Chimney asked, eyebrows raised high above his aviator sunglasses.

“Eddie hates doing laundry, and I mean hates. I’ve been over there while he was switching loads and he was grumbling under his breath the entire time. So sometimes if Eddie lets it pile up for too long I’ll do a couple loads while I’m there.”

“You do Eddie’s laundry?” Chim asked again, eyebrows still raised high. It was actually getting a little painful, so he let them relax and come back down. He couldn’t believe this. How domestic. He was definitely telling that to the group chat.

“Yeah, man, it’s not a big deal. Laundry helps my brain calm down. I focus on the clothes and not on all the negative shit running around up here.” He tapped his temple with his first finger, looking down at his feet again.

There was a couple jogging towards them so the conversation stalled while Chimney and Buck pulled out their masks and put them on.

They were quiet as the couple passed them, nodding in greeting and continuing on their way. When Chimney pulled his mask back off he asked, “So what happened with Eddie and the teacher?”

Buck looked over at him, eyebrows raised again as he tucked his mask into his pocket. “He didn’t really say,” Buck answered.

“He didn’t?” Chim asked. “Doesn’t he, like, tell you everything?”

“Usually. But you know Eddie. He processes things on his own time, and when he’s ready he talks about it. All he would say was that she is the one who ended it and that he wasn’t really that bothered because it was just casual and now he doesn’t have to talk to Christopher about him dating.”

“Christopher would be okay with him dating, though, right?”

“I think he would,” Buck answered. “He is legitimately the best kid I have ever met, and he wants his dad to be happy.” Buck looked at his feet here and Chimney noticed his cheeks were a little more red than before. “Chris told me once he wants his dad to date me.” He chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

Chimney knew this already, because Maddie had told him what Carla said. He was very interested in how red Buck was turning though, another thing to report to the group chat. “Christopher wants you to date his dad?”

"If I date his dad then we can hang out all the time."

"You would love that." Chimney gave Buck a little shove. "Well all know Christopher is your favorite person in the entire world."

"He is," Buck agreed. He shoved Chimney back a little harder so that Chimney veered off the trail briefly. "He's better than you lot by miles."

They were quiet for a moment and Chimney debated whether or not he should ask. In the end his mouth won and he asked, "Would you?" Buck glanced over at Chimney but didn't say anything. "Date Eddie?" he clarified.

Buck turned an alarming shade of red and opened his mouth to respond when they heard Albert call to them.

"What are you two doing?" He was running towards them, sweaty and grinning. "I made it to the end of the trail and halfway back! Pick up your pace!!"

Buck grinned and took off running. Chimney took out his phone and started texting.

---

Athena

May was working, Bobby had run out to the store, and Harry was still staying with Michael so Athena found herself with a rare, quiet evening. She poured herself a glass of wine and headed to the table on the back patio. The Operation Idiots in Love chat she had started had been pretty active that day but Athena hadn’t had the chance to look through it until now. When she was all caught up with Chimney’s discussion with Buck and everyone’s reactions she sent off a “Sounds like they’re already dating…” and placed her phone face down on the table.

Over the years she had come to think of Buck as her step son of sorts and after seeing his heart break so many times, she just wanted him to finally be happy. Athena wasn’t one to believe that a person needed to be in a relationship in order to be happy, but the only time she had seen Buck looking genuinely content and happy was when he was around Eddie.

Plus she had been a cop for 30 years. She was an expert on picking up on the things left unsaid. She had no doubt that both of them wanted something more, but they were both too terrified of being rejected by the person they depend on the most.

Maddie’s plan was half cooked, at least, and Athena didn’t think that it would really work the way that they wanted it to - and not just because Eddie refused to eat vegan.

She was contemplating possible plans when Bobby returned. He dropped the groceries in the kitchen and came outside, hands falling on Athena’s shoulders and dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

“You’re radiating your Sergeant Grant energy,” he said as he pulled out the chair next to her. She just raised her patented Athena Eyebrow at him. “Lay it on me.” Bobby waved a hand between them. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing yet. Just thinking about what could work.”

“For Buck and Eddie?” “Mhmm.” Athena sipped her wine.

“You don’t think they need to get together in their own time? What if whatever ‘Operation’ we all come up with backfires and ruins their relationship?” The air quotes around ‘operation’ were very clear in his tone.

“I think that their relationship, as it is, is strong enough to withstand any sort of awkwardness that we may create if it backfires.” Bobby still looked skeptical. “Look, Buck and Eddie have both been burned in the past. And now they have essentially built their entire lives on top of each other. Co-dependant is how most people would think of it. They’re both terrified of losing each other so neither one of them will ever make the first move. They just need a little nudge. Something to get them both open their damn eyes and look at each other.”

“Okay,” Bobby said, nodding. “We need to keep Chimney and Hen reined in though. They seem to be a little too invested in this.”

“Agreed.”

“How about we have them over for dinner? Just the two of them and the two of us.”

“Mmm a double date?” Athena gave a second, totally different, patented Athena Eyebrow.

“That’s the goal isn’t it?” Bobby stood up pulling out his phone. “I’ll text them.”

“Have it be next Friday,” Athena called. “May will be working late that day.”

“Alright.” Bobby disappeared inside the house and Athena turned back to her wine. She picked up her own phone to text Hen and Michael about the three boys - Harry, Denny, and Christopher - having a much needed sleepover. Harry had been missing his friends since the pandemic started, and if it was just a small group Athena didn’t think they would have to worry too much.

Twenty minutes later Michael was added to Operation Idiots in Love and Athena was texting Eddie to see if Christopher could sleepover Michael’s next Friday.

[baka-monarch]

Honeyed Blood Over Fresh Snow

(btw this takes place back when Tommy moved out of Logstedshire and in with Techno)

(TRIGGER WARNINGS: DEATH, KILLING, MENTION OF SUICIDE)

____________________________________________

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Came Fundy's voice from behind the tiny hovering president.

"It should be fine, it's just Tommy" Tubbo had been sneaking off to Logstedshire for a while now, and had been planning this visit for weeks. The small bee hybrid had regretted exiling Tommy for a while, and during his few small hidden visits his guilt had grown even more. He couldn't bear to see his best friend- no- his brother suffering like he was. Tubbo didn't know why he had even listened to Dream in the first place, Tommy had a plan, one that Fundy and Quackity had even agreed with, to take down the smiling man- and now because of Tubbo, Tommy was suffering. "I have to talk to him. Alone."

"Yeah, but what if Thomas is mad at you- Tubbo you're not exactly- well your-" Quackity was quickly shut up as Tubbo cut him off with a glare.

"I'm tiny. I know." Tubbo shrugged. "But don't worry, I'm going in bee form and I can just fly away if it seems like he… like he…" Tubbo didn't want to think about what would happen if Tommy was mad at him. Flashbacks of the festival and the sounds of fireworks overtook his mind for a moment before he shook those memories away. "I'll be fine." At Tubbo's words he received worried looks from both Quackity and Fundy. "And if I somehow don't come back…" he looked to Quackity specifically, "Go through with it without me."

Quackity gave a curt nod, and before either of them could do or say anything, Tubbo was transforming into his bee form and buzzing away. The only thoughts running through Tubbo's mind as he flew above the water was his worry for Tommy. His friend had been forced to be alone with only Dream for weeks now, and Tubbo hadn't even properly visited them- who knew what all happened in that small camp Tommy had built. The bee boy felt guilty for what he did, he wanted to make it up to Tommy by finally talking to them after all this time. Who knows, maybe Tommy would forgive him for practically betraying their friendship at the hands of the green man they've always been against. Ever since Wilbur, through the wars, the disks, everything- they had always been together against Dream and now Tubbo had joined their enemy's side and exiled his best friend. He had to fix this.

As Tubbo flew closer to Logstedshire an uneasy feeling began to creep it's way up his fuzzy back. Something was… off. He couldn't hear Tommy- yes his friend had been getting more quieter based off the few times Tubbo had spied on them, but Tommy was never the type of person to let a silence hang, always preferring to fill it with some sort of noise, whether it was their own voice or the sound of music. Then there was what Tubbo was beginning to see- on the shore was a small table, chairs, and other things as if someone had been preparing for a party… and the closer Tubbo flew the more his eyes teared up. He began to see a small crater and a decimated house, the one he thought Tommy had been living in. Why was it blown up? Why would Tommy… why would anyone…

Then he saw it. How could Tubbo miss it? The tall structure making the bee freeze at the sight as he looked up and up and up and up-

Tubbo's breathing sped up. "No…" he buzzed to himself, too overwhelmed to turn back into his more human-esc form. "No no no no no…. Please NO!!!" He flew over to the bottom and began searching. "Surely not- he didn't- he couldn't have- he he he…." There was a compass on the ground. "No…." Tubbo landed on it, and sure enough engraved to the side was 'Your Tubbo'.

The small bee felt his entire world crashing down around him. He couldn't do this- he couldn't- couldn't be here. With all those thoughts and images of Tommy falling plaguing his mind Tubbo began to fly- to fly as fast as he possibly fucking could away from that cursed place. He had to get away from there. He didn't care where he flew, he didn't even pay attention to his surroundings as he flew and flew as fast as his tiny wings could buzz forth. Screaming out a buzz of agony that only he could hear.

Tubbo could painfully remember thousands of times he'd land on Tommy's nose and be teased about being clingy, only for Tommy to then rest a hand over him to keep him there. Memories of getting tangled in Tommy's never ending curling hair, and laughing as his human friend complained. All the times Tubbo would forget about flying and would be caught in the warm familiar hands of his brother. Hundreds of times Tubbo would bury his way into Tommy's pocket and take a nap. Their time in POGtopia whenever Tubbo wasn't with Schlatt and got to stay in the ravine, there wasn't enough supplies and they had to share a bed, and Tubbo would always wake up being gently cuddled…. And Tommy's laughter, it filled his head and-

Tubbo paused his fruitless flying and realized he was now in the tundra, near a small house he didn't recognize. He looked up hearing a far too familiar sound that shattered his heart.

Tommy's laughter… It filled the frozen air and warmed it too much for the small bee, and as he looked over he was overwhelmed with emotions as he saw Tommy- standing there, smiling, ALIVE. Tubbo didn't even hesitate to fly over to Tommy, not caring that Technoblade was there too, not caring that his emotions were too overwhelming to not turn back into his human form, and not caring if Tommy was mad at him. Tommy was alive and that's all that mattered- all Tubbo wanted to do was to never leave Tommy's side, fuck the excile, fuck Dream, all be dammed he was going to stay with his friend and make sure nothing like what he thought happened at that tower would happen again.

"Fucking annoying bees…" Tommy absantmindedly swatted at what must've been an escaped bee as it annoyingly buzzed around his head. Tubbo didn't care as he dodged the hand, he'd just stay flying around Tommy until his emotions were in control, he could turn back, and explain. The bee continued to fly around Tommy's head, and Tommy continued to swat at Tubbo, not realizing it was his friend yet.

"Tommy, stop messing with the bees!" Came Techno's voice, and it distracted Tubbo. In that millisecond of hesitation Tubbo didn't see the hand coming, and suddenly he was smacked out of the air and fell down into the snow.

The next few moments almost seemed to happen in slow motion. Tubbo didn't even have any time to scream as he looked up to see Tommy barely even noticing him, just having this annoyed look on their face. The bee boy looked up more, and paled in horror as he saw the Sketcher tennis shoe raise up. Tubbo opened his mouth to scream, he turned back instantaneously, but it didn't matter as the shoe slammed down onto him. Tubbo felt his bones crush and crack, blood bursting out of him in some places, and he couldn't even scream as he was choking on that blood with a lung being either torn or popped…He couldn't tell. It didn't matter as the shoe pressed into the ground, as if trying to smear him down, and Tommy… Tommy turned away, not even looking down or noticing what they'd done. As if he'd squished just another random bug.

"Alright alright, they're annoying anyways-" Was the last thing Tubbo heard Tommy say as the human walked away…

•••

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?!" Quackity screamed at Tommy as soon as he saw them, they're invisibility potion having worn off along with Techno's pot.

"What are you talking about!?" Tommy yelled back, he quickly scrambled behind The Blade. They'd just come sneaking into L'manburg for some supplies, he didn't think this whole Butcher Army thing would come out of nowhere and yell at them.

"Tubbo!! Where the fuck is he Tommy!?" Quackity continued to yell.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I haven't seen him since I was exiled!!" Tommy yelled back. Quackity just gave Tommy a confused look.

"Tommy… Tubbo went to visit you a week ago and didn't come back…" Fundy spoke up sadly. Tommy paused at that.

"What do you mean? I- I didn't see him..?" Tommy looked up at Techno.

"Don't look at me kid, I didn't do anything to yer little tyrant" Techno shrugged, but he could already see the panic starting to form on Tommy's face.

"You really don't know what happened?" Quackity dropped his weapon to his side. As much as he wanted to finish off Techno right now, Tommy was starting to worry him. "He went in bee form, so no weird bees either?"

"No, no I didn't…." Suddenly, Tommy froze, parking as he remembered something he did a week ago. "No… no no no, fuck NO!!" It was then that Tommy turned and ran back to the nether portal, ignoring the shouting from Techno and The Butcher Army as they ran after him. The teen's mind was a swirl of fear, he couldn't have not to Tubbo- never to Tubbo. There's no way that he…That he…

No, no. Tommy would never have hurt Tubbo, not even unintentionally. He'd even promised back during POGtopia that no matter what happens, he would never hurt Tubbo, not even by accident. Never would he ever… never, just- he could never…

As soon as Tommy saw Techno's house he ran straight to the bee farm and fell to the ground in front of it. The place where he'd done it now stuck in his mind. He began to dig into the snow, only speeding up more as his fingers got covered in red blood that was in the snow until- Tommy let out a sob.

They didn't even look dirty, the snow seemed to have melted a bit around where their body was and had washed off any blood or mud that could have been on them. Tommy gingerly scooped Tubbo's body up into his hands. They were cold… too cold. Their body was so limp that Tommy felt like he was holding more of a rag doll then… then his best friend…

Tommy screamed.

He sobbed.

He hugged Tubbo's body to his chest.

But Tubbo was dead.

____________________________________________

Mcyt g/t tag list:

@nomynameisanon @trashpumped @loriepoptale @encaos @i-am-a-weeb @wyforyu-gaming @shy-septic-dragon @5unfl0writ3r @colorfulsiren @moonmwah @iwasgoingtohellanyways @echoslime @wilbur-simp @trouble-off-grid @the-misfits-system @lilsyxx

[tatooedlaura-blog]

Fancy Paper Napkins

because doesn’t everybody eat their fancy meals with fancy paper napkins ...

Our Moments: Chapter 1: Five Words (post-Leonard Betts) Chapter 2: Sidebar Nonsense (post-Memento Mori) Chapter 3: Interim (floating somewhere around Unrequited) Chapter 4: Max 2.0 (post-Tempus Fugit/Max) Chapter 5: Shadowed Grey Eyes Chapter 6: The Warmest Thing I Own Chapter 7: Fancy Paper Napkins @today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

He actually slept, his mind calm, until he heard her whispering in his ear, “what are you cooking and when will it be ready?”

Opening his eyes, he saw hers staring at him, awake and bright, “what?”

“I’m hungry and I saw the crockpot plugged in.”

He broke into a grin, more from her proximity than anything else and forcing himself not to look at her mouth, not to think of that kiss, “mushrooms. Garlicy, buttery mushrooms that have been slow cooking in the crockpot,” looking over her head at the clock, “for four hours.” Sitting up quickly, “shit. I have to go stir them.”

Rolling off the bed, he disappeared down the hall, Scully close behind, “they won’t burn.”

“I’ll feel better when I see for myself.” Finally in the kitchen, he opened the crockpot, stirred with the big spoon, and glad to see the mushrooms soft and unburned, offered Scully a taste. Refusing with an, ‘I’d like to wait for dinner,’ he nodded towards the fridge, “go grab the steak, would you?”

They ate like civilized people, at the kitchen table, forks, knives, fancy paper napkins …

… “I refuse to use cloth ones because they’re too damn hard to clean.”

… “Did I say anything?”

… “No.”

… “Then why are you arguing at me?”

and a bottle of not-so-cheap wine Mulder found in his travels through Scully’s cupboards.

“I shouldn’t drink this.”

“Will it lower your inhibitions? Will you sweep off the coffee table and dance on it if I wave a bunch of ones at you? Will you tell me all your secrets?”

She couldn’t keep her hand from shaking as she poured them both glasses, “mostly I’m thinking that it’ll make me fall asleep even early that I probably would have already.”

Ignoring the tremor, “as long as you stay awake enough for ice cream.”

“I will do my best.”

She made it through half the steak, a bowl of mushroom, and three spoons of mashed potatoes, before finally giving in, trading her plate for Mulder’s empty, who continued to eat without pause. Watching him, she had to smile, “thank you.”

“For finishing your food? No problem.”

Not able to articulate at that particular moment that she was actually thanking him for a thousand things at once, she simply agreed, wondering if he’d figure it out on his own, “yeah, I wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

Giving her a grin, he finished her food, then stood, “give me ten minutes to do dishes and put everything away, then we’ll argue about movies.”

“Let me load the dishwasher, at least. You won’t do it right and I’ll just have to redo it when you’re not looking.” Standing as well, she bumped hips with him as she walked past, “save me the trouble.”

Twisting up his leg, he hit her on the butt with his stocking foot, “smartass.”

They finally settled on several movies but still sitting on the couch, facing a blank TV and a window with a sunset just beginning to tint the room pink, Mulder gently poked her in the side, “how’re you doing?”

Feeling the urge to move, to take advantage of feeling okay for the moment, “I think I’d like to go for a walk.”

Up immediately, he leaned in, kissing the tip of her nose, “any destination in mind?”

“Just … around.”

“Around it is.”

&&&&&&&&&

Warm enough to wander without jackets, they headed out her front door and turned left, bare arm brushing bare arm as they walked. They didn’t say much, commenting on scurrying squirrels here, a cute cat in the window there, Mulder catching a waywardly stumbling child tripping past, “geez, if I had known we were going to be experiencing a Norman Rockwell painting, I would have combed my hair and put on a clean shirt.”

Her laughter hit his ears like his favorite song and reaching over, he took her hand, never asking, never letting go as they circled and turned, ambled and veered. She didn’t argue, her thin, cool fingers enjoying his warmth.

But even on her best days lately, she gave in quicker than she’d have liked, 45 being the magic number of minutes she lasted until, “I think I’m ready for some ice cream.”

Giving her hand a squeeze, “ice cream it is. What kind should we start with?”

Discussion ensued and by the time they were in their pajamas, they’d settled on dark fudge and peanut butter swirl to begin with. Two spoons dove in, two spoons sampled, occasionally Scully would pull her loaded spoon out and looking at Mulder, found his mouth wide open, waiting expectantly.

And by God, she fed him.

The first time felt a little weird but by the third time he did it, she was laughing, “can you not feed yourself fast enough?”

“Nope.”

That was good enough for her.

Once the gorging finished, they’d had at least one spoonful out of each carton Mulder had bought, six in all, the flavors running the gambit and Scully full and happy and sleepy. “Are you going to be able to sleep with all that sugar in your system?”

Mulder grinned, chocolate rimming his lips, “if not, I’ll have a TV to keep me company while you drool all over your pillow.” A relieved sigh, one she didn’t know she was holding, escaped, and Mulder cocked his head, suddenly worried, “y’a’right?”?”

And deciding there was no reason not to tell him, “I think I was nervous you were going to go home tonight and,” another sigh, this one embarrassed, “it’s been a really nice day and if you went home, it would be over and,” slight wobbly smile appearing, “I don’t want it to be over just yet.”

Knowing something funny was in order, he raised an eyebrow in her direction, “is that some veiled attempt at asking me to move in here?”

Her smile steadied, “just go start the movie.”

&&&&&&&&&

Midnight rolled around and even though Scully had given in and gone to bed, Mulder was still awake and indeed watching TV, some cooking show he’d never admit to enjoying but enjoyed nonetheless. The sound was off and suddenly, the quiet of the darkened apartment was broken by Scully calling from the bedroom, “Mulder?”

It didn’t sound like a nightmare which, in his mind, could only mean she needed help. Jogging down the hall, he was in her doorway a second later, “yeah? You okay?”

Still laying down, she met his nervous gaze, her own a unique brand of terrified confusion, “am I still here?”

Immediately walking to the other side of the bed, he crawled under the covers, his hand meeting her cheek after she rolled over to face him, “yeah. You’re right here, in your bed.” When her terror didn’t fade, he continued, quieter, moving to meet her forehead with his, “you’re with me, in your apartment,” hand moving to the back of her neck, “whatever you dreamt wasn’t real.”

“It will be.” Feeling the bed shake as she hitched a silent sob, she managed a cracked whisper, “I don’t want to die.” Her fingers ran over his cheek, his ear, “I don’t want to go anywhere without you.”

The tear escaped before he could blink it away but he kept the others in, reservoir full but holding, “we’re gonna beat this. I guarantee it.”

She couldn’t bring herself to believe him anymore and she couldn’t keep up the lie at this hour, “you don’t know that.”

“But I choose to believe it.” Hand in her hair by now, he pulled her close enough that their noses were smushed together and eyelashes tangled, “I need to believe it.”

Maybe she could pretend a little more after all, “do you believe enough for both of us?”

“I believe enough for this whole damn world. You should know that by now.”

She could only nod against him, bringing their mouths to millimeter distances but refraining, crippling fear not a good enough reason to cross the line between them, “can you stay right here with me, tonight?”

He crossed it for them, a quick brush of lips, a quick nuzzle of noses, “I won’t move until you do.”

“I don’t want you to leave me alone.”

Both knew the translation of that:

I don’t want to die alone.

&&&&&&&&

The next morning, Scully opened her eyes to find Mulder still sharing her pillow, not touching anymore but close enough to have him blurry in front of her instead of clear. For five seconds, she forgot her world and felt warm fuzzies chasing through her, up and down her spine, settling low.

Then, reality set in with a resounding thud.

Pulling back, she sat up, turning quickly so he wouldn’t see the tears racing down her face. Neither could ignore the echoing sob, however and Mulder, already half-awake, sat up, confusion clearing in a heartbeat as he slid across the mattress, arm around her front, hugging her back to his chest. Kissing her neck and that hated, fucking scar, “we’re gonna win. I swear to God, we’re gonna win.”

And they cried together.

[olivyh]

Into Wonderland Chapter 1: Heartslabyul Part One

Mc wakes up to the sound of panicked footsteps running towards them full force, followed by low murmuring. Before they can open their eyes, they're met with a kick to the stomach, which makes them jolt up and cry out.

"What the-" They start, wincing as they hold their hand over their ribs, which are sure to bruise in due time.

"I'm sorry!" A young boy their age scrambles to their side, large rabbit ears drooping down his back in embarrassment. The boy's face is flushed as he fusses over the person he just tripped over, pausing and frantically shuffling his hands around his checkered uniform. Hos dark blue hair is a mess, and the spade that covers one of his eyes is smudged around the edges, with some of it dragging towards the side of his head.

"I-" Mc begins, staring at the boy's ears as they perk up as he swears under his breath.

"Where is it?!" He whisper yells in a panicked frenzy.

"W-wait!" Mc calls out, standing and trying to get the boy attention. "Where am I?" He crawls around the small patch of grass that they lay in, ignoring them and patting the ground until his hand lays on a bronze pocket watch that ticks ominously. He whimpers as he stares at it.

"I-I'm late!" He yells, scrambling and running towards a path that opened in front of them.

"Wait! Late for what?!" Mc yells, chasing after the rabbit boy and swearing when they realize how fast he is compared to them. "Please! Just tell me where I am!" They chase after him, tripping and falling into a large hole in the ground.

They let out a shrill scream, closing their eyes and bracing for an impact that doesn't come. Slowly, they crack open an eye, staring at the objects that float past them.

"Seriously..." They groan. "What is this place...?" They cross their arms and huff, tapping some of the objects that hover in the air, making them spin and click. They finally hit the ground with a soft thud, making them wince as they roll over onto their side, which in reality ends up making them land on their head, which flips to put them back into their feet. They swallow down the nausea that threatens to rise, hearing a familiar voice from down the hall.

"Mr. Rabbit!" They yell, dashing through the checkered hallway when they see the familiar head of navy hair. The boy turns a corner and sprints through a door, slamming it behind him.

"Wait!" They call after him, not stopping in time and slamming their face into the door. They groan and rub their forehead, offering a weak, half-assed, annoyed sob to leave their lips. "Really! The nerve!" They huff.

They grab the handle, screaming when it sneezes as their hand makes contact. "How rude!" The door chides.

"Listen, I'm very, very sorry about grabbing your face but I desperately need to find that rabbit!" They plead. The door huffs, rolling its eyes.

"Why, if you wanted to get through there, you can just shrink!" The knob exclaims. Mc rolls their eyes, catching sight of a small tart that lay on the ground. Reading the tag, which says 'eat me', they decide to take a small bite, savoring the taste as they feel themselves shrink smaller and smaller. They yelp as they drop the treat.

Groaning, they stand and approach the doorknob, placing their hands on their hips expectantly.

"Can I go in now?" They ask.

"You need the key! I'm locked, unfortunately..."

"No, I'm not doing this right now." They wait for the doorknob to explain what it means, then takes the opportunity to leap through it's open mouth.

Landing in a wide sea, they choke and gasp as they reach the surface, waves slamming against the side of their head. In the distance, they spot a small island. They decide to swim towards it, the waves pulling and pushing them to and from their destination. They finally land on the island, soaked to the bone and out of breath.

"Is that all you got?" A voice booms with laughter. Mc looks up to find themselves face to face with a very large, scary, muscular man.

"Keep going, children!" The man yells as a wave blasts the students with... wow, more animal ears, huh.

"Mister Vargas please..." One of the students groans, only to be pushed ahead by another one behind him.

"Nonsense! How else are you supposed to get this swole?!" He's met with tired groans. Mc is pushed into the circle, trying to speak with the man before being hit by another wave of water. Before they can get their feet back on solid ground, they feel a pair of cold hands pull them back into the sea.

"Hey! Wait!" They yell, fighting against their captors. The being just laughs gleefully, pulling them along the current until they get to the shore. The man throws them onto the sand roughly, making them cough and sputter.

"What-" They choke on more sand. "What the hell was that for?!"

The man- peeks out from the water, teal and black hair floating next to him as a long tail splashes behind him.

"Hm? You looked like you were having fun and I wanted to have fun too!" The man giggles again. Another head peeks out of the water, smiling ominously. Mc yelps and jolts back, hitting their head against the rock that was behind them.

"T-there's two!" They yell.

"Fufufu... of course there's two. We're twins." The quieter one comments.

"Mhm! Always have been, always wil be..." The other one laughs again, pulling at Mc's feet.

"I wonder how these work-" He mutters until they squirm out of his grasp, before his claws can dig into their skin.

"That is, unless we get eaten like those poor oysters we saw the other day-" The twin with the hair on the left side of his face comments.

The other twin groans. "That wasn't fair at all! I wanted to get to them first! We were waiting for them to grow up so they'd be more tasty! Impatient walrus..." He huffs, sinking into the water so only his downslanted eyes were staring at the human in front of them. Their golden eyes seem to glow, sending a shiver down the human's spine.

"I really, really need to go- as much as I'd like to hear about oysters." They mutter under their breath.

"Aww," The touchier twin whines. "But it was just getting interesting~"

The other twin chuckles. "Patience Floyd, they'll be back very soon."

Like hell I will, The human thinks, crawling up towards the woods that lined the shore. They walk until they find a small cottage, hearing the same rabbit yelling something.

"Mom?" The rabbit yells, running past Mc on the footpath. "Mom!" He yells again.

"There you are!" Mc tries to grab a hold of him but he ends up being too quick, making them slip and fall. They follow him into the house, praying that there's no police in this weird world.

"Mom! Where'd you go?" The boy continues to yell, walking back out the door and inspecting the garden.

Mc notices a sticky substance on the leg and they look down, jolting when they see red seeping through their light blue clothing.

"Seriously? Now?" The groan, opening their pocket and pulling out the tart, completely forgetting what it had done to them before and taking a bite. This time, they jump as they begin to grow, pushing the furniture that lay around the house out of the way as they struggle to move.

The rabbit boy in the garden turns and screams upon seeing the giant human in his house.

"Help!" He yells, running in the opposite direction. "Help! Monster!"

"Monster?!" Mc exclaims, trying to wriggle out of the house. The boy comes back not too long later, pulling behind him a small cat-raccoon looking animal with flames in his ears.

"Grim, this is the monster I was telling you about..." The boy's voice shakes, as he walks the cat through his gates.

"And I'm the monster..." They groan.

"Hmm... have you tried telling it to leave?" The cat sniffs at Mc's hand, making them twist to try to get away from it.

"No...!? What makes you think that's gonna work?!" The boy yells, fists clenched at his sides.

"Well, we could always set it on fire?" The cat suggests. The boy jumps as it lets out a breath, setting the corner of the house ablaze in a bright blue flame.

"What?! No!" The rabbit boy yells. Mc nods and tries to blow at the fire, hyperventilating a bit as the fore starts to spread dangerously close to their thigh.

"What he said! Stop!" They plead. "I just need to get back to my normal size!"

"Normal...?" The bunny boy repeats, smacking his forehead when something clicks. "You're the person I tripped over this morning!"

"Yes!" Did it really take him that long? They think bitterly. "Now please! Help me shrink again!" The boy panics, looking back to his garden. He sprints to where the carrots lay and throws them towards Mc, many of them smacking them in the fave before falling to the ground.

"Quick! Eat one of these!" The boy yells as the cat continues to fan the flames at the base of the house.

Mc does as told and shrinks, plummeting to the ground, weighed down by the carrot they're still holding. They scream, before landing in a gloved palm.

"Woah..." The boy inspects them, holding them up by their collar and shaking them off the carrot. They grumble and kick, falling flat back onto the boy's palm. "I didn't think that would actually work..."

"Oh..." Mc mumbles. "Well, thank you for that. Now, how do I go home?"

"Home?" The boy repeats, looking as if he forgot something. He yelps and almost drops Mc, making them cling to his pinky as he runs over to the cat. He casts a spell, causing a small raincloud to appear above the fire.

"Hey!" The cat growls. "I was tryin' to help ya, yanno!"

"The monster is gone!" The boy yells, running a hand through his navy blue hair in frustration. In doing so, he knocks Mc off his hand and they fall to the ground, crashing into a large puddle created by the raincloud.

"Rabbit!" They yell before going underwater, swept down the path by the small creek that had been created. "Rabb-" Their words are muffled by water as they're swept onto a small patch of dirt.

"Now what is this?" A voice calls, and Mc feels themselves be picked up by the back of their shirt once again. They yelp, swinging out of the person's grasp, before opening their eyes to see the most beautiful man they had ever seen, wearing a cape made of flower petals.

"Oh! How splendid!" Another flower grabs them from his grasp, holding them at arms length and spinning them around, making them dizzy. "A new addition to our garden!"

"Not quite- they're not much to look at," The other flower states bitterly, lips pursing into a frown.

"I think they're pretty-" Another smaller flower speaks up from behind the mean flower.

"Quiet, Epel."

"Oh! How delightful! This is so exciting!" The tallest flower continues to exclaim, grabbing Mc by the hand and twirling. "What a peculiar scent! And those petals don't look like petals at all!"

That makes the smallest boy tense. "Could they be-"

"A weed!" The beautiful man fumes, face turning a light red. "How disgraceful!"

"Mon dieu!" The man drops them on the ground with a thud. They wince as he backs away to join the other two.

"I am not a weed! I'm a human!" Mc yells. "I don't belong here at all!"

"Oh? You're the one telling us that?" The beautiful flower strides towards them. "You come down here, bringing with you a flood that destroys the careful arrangements we've been working on, then interrupt our chorus practice-" The man pauses and takes a breath, going back to his regal manner. He pushes Mc down the path.

"Gone with you!" He yells. He can hear chides and similar grumblings among the other flowers in the garden as they're pushed out if the garden. When they regain their balance and turn to fave the flowers, they turn to yell at the flowers before one of them is launched at them, exploding in their face.

They stand up straight and sputter, spitting out the pollen that had exploded out of the stem arrow. "How rude!" They yell. A small voice calls out to them from the bushes. They turn to see the smaller flower, his purple hair petals poking out from the dark green leaves.

"I'm sorry about them. I think you're cool- weed or not. I know someone who can help you get back to normal, if you'd like-" Mc nods, rushing towards the boy as he explains of a caterpillar who lives not too far from the garden. They thank him and go on their way, pushing through the thick leaves, only to be met with a puff of smoke to the face.

They cough as a deep voice calls out to them. "Who are you?"

"I-I'm-" They cough out, peeking an eye open to see a man with a large fur coat and split dyed hair, lounging on a mushroom and smoking something out of a pipe. They watch in awe as the smoke forms the shapes of small dogs, yipping and jumping over one another.

"I'm Mc," They announce, and the man look at them suspiciously.

"No, who are you?"The man grumbles, taking another smoke from the pipe.

"I just answered!"

"No, you didn't, little pup." The man chides. He sighs, sitting up straighter and looking down at the scared human with a sadistic smile. "You're a human aren't you?"

"Yes! That's exactly right!" They smile, glad that someone finally understood their situation somewhat.

"You're very lost. That's unfortunate," The man gracefully falls off the mushroom, walking away from the human.

"Wait! Can't you help me?" They call out.

"Help is on the left, pup," The man calls from behind him.

"Left? There's no path here..." They search around them, twisting and craning their neck to find what the caterpillar was talking about.

The man groans in annoyance, turning dramatically and pointing his pipe towards the mushroom. "It's on the left, dear," Their mouth forms an 'o' shape as it clicks in their mind and they smile and nod, making the man's lip quirk up in a smirk. "Good doggy."

With that, the man disappears in a cloud of smoke. Mc stares at the mushroom, yanking a chunk off of it and falling flat to the ground.

"Ow..." They rub their back as they stare at it, taking a small bite. They feel themselves begin to grow again, this time to normal size. They carefully tiptoe through the garden, despite still being annoyed at the flowers for throwing them out. Despite that, they don't want to kill them. After all, the kind purple flower was with them.

They walk along the dirt path, looking around anxiously as they hear someone humming. The voice travels from side to side of the path, until it eventually lands right in their ear. They let out a yelp, jumping back as the boy next to them snickers.

"H-hey!?" They scream, covering their ears and backing away from the catboy.

"Goodbye to you too, dearie~" The boy hums, disappearing before making only his head reappear in a tall tree. His messy purple hair seems to float around him as he stares down at them with a lazy smile.

"What? Okay never mind that part I just- I really, really need to get home and so far nobody has been of any help and-"

"Hmm? Help you say?" The boy hums, tapping his feet in the air behind him.

"Yes! Please!" They exclaim. "How do I get home?!" The cat thinks for a minute, before giggling at their desperation.

"Hmm... methinks mew could find a way. That is, if mewthinks you can survive~" The cat snickers, hanging upside down off the branch.

"S-survive?!" They yelp, a chill running down their spine. "Survive what?"

"Why, the little red tyrant, of course!"

"Little red tyrant...?" Mc repeats, knitting their eyebrows.

"The Queen of Hearts, of course!" The cat howls in laughter, still dangling off the branch.

"How do I get to her?"

"To him."

"To him. Right. Respect pronouns, Mc." They mutter that last part.

"Well just follow this path~!" The cat hums, his tail pointing towards a bright path that points down behind them. "A skip and a jump and a dance later and mew'll find your way!" He giggles, using his tail to tease the human before fading away, a song disappearing on his lips as he vanishes

"Weird..." Mc utters, walking down the path the boy pointed them towards. They can hear things clicking together and loud laughter and singing from a distance. They decide to follow it and find themselves at a small tea party, housing only three people circulating around the long table.

"Happy unbirthday!" The head of the table yells gleefully, snapping a few pictures of the table. The other redhead at the table laughs loudly into his cup, dropping it and opting for a new one.

"It's always a happy unbirthday!" The boy with the heart over his eye wheezes between laughs, making the man with the hat laugh even harder, dropping the tart he'd been eating into his tea. This makes the man howl even louder, clutching his chest as his ginger hair falls out of his large tophat.

The other man at the table sits uncomfortably. Mc looks and recognizes his shaggy blue hair.

"Rabbit!" They yell. The boy sees them and smiles, waving them over. They walk over to him and sit in the seat next to him, wary about the eyes of the other two boys on them.

"I've been trying to escape from them for twenty minutes now! Riddle is going ti have my head!" He whispers in a panic. Mc nods as the other two leap over to their side.

"Is it your unbirthday as well?" The orange haired boy with a diamond under his eye asks, tilting his head and pouring them a cup of tea.

"I- unbirthday?" They ask.

"Do you really not know what an unbirthday is?" The redhead laughs, slamming his hand to his face and smudging the heart on his eye. "Dummy!"

Mc's face lights up a bright red in embarrassment, and the rabbit pats their back comfortingly.

"Be nice Ace!" He yells at the redhead, who sticks his tongue out.

"Stop being such a suck up, Deuce!"

Ignoring the other two's bickering, the ginger sits next to the human, explaining the unbirthday. "You see, the day you're born is your birthday- every other day is your unbirthday!"

"Well, then it's my unbirthday too!" Mc smiles, relaxed by the hatters comforting vibe.

"Thats such a coincidence! It's mine too! I need to tell my followers this! Smile~!" They're blinded for a second by the bright light of a camera before they go back to the two rabbit boys arguing.

"You're always late!" Ace yells at the navy haired boy, whose ears flop against his head as his face flushes a bright red.

"I wouldn't be any more if you didn't break my pocketwatch!" He yells.

"Wait- late for what?" Mc interrupts, cutting off Ace before he can make the situation worse.

"The Queen has a croquet match today!" Deuce says, sighing. "And I was supposed to introduce the opponents-"

[vampiregirl1797]

When You Have a Breakdown at Work

Jake Peralta x Reader

 GIF Not Mine

 Word Count: 3,184

 Warnings: maybe a little angst, & so much fluff

 Click Here For Masterlist

 Summary: Y/N’s having a bad day at work. The brother she hasn’t heard from in five years called to ask for bail money, and it brings back a lot of painful memories. More specifically, the memories of her parents turning her away after she removed the presence of her toxic brother from her life. Work isn’t the best place to have a breakdown, but the evidence room offers some privacy as she slowly falls apart, and when her partner finds her, his warm embrace provides some much needed comfort. As Y/N tells him what happened, he finds himself unable to hold his words back and ends up confessing how much she means to him. How will she react?

 I took another deep breath and forced myself to gently place my phone back on my desk, instead of throwing it through one of the precinct windows like I wanted to. Now wasn’t the time to express my anger and complete frustration—I was at work. Now was the time to be professional and get on with my job, no matter how unbelievably annoying my brother was.

He’d done it again. Gotten himself arrested for having drugs on his person and in his system evidently. His sentence was going to be higher than it usually was because the high quantity of illegal substances he had on him led the cops who arrested him to believe he had the intent to distribute. Hell, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he had turned to dealing—he couldn’t hold down any other work so why wouldn’t he try and make some money to ensure he could keep up his habit.

 I’d really tried with him, he was a year and seven months younger than me, and despite the fact that he towered over me and looked about forty five rather than thirty one, he was my little brother. But I’d disowned him about five years ago, after he’d gone off the rails for the third time, and I’d had to use what little savings I had to bail him out of jail, again. I realised then that I wasn’t family to him. I was a bank that he called up when he needed someone to come and save him because he couldn’t face the repercussions of his actions.

 That was the last time I’d saved his ass, and I told him that from that moment, as far as I was concerned, I no longer had a little brother. I was officially an only child. He hadn’t taken it well and my parents had taken it worse—they’d retaliated by disowning me. It had been hard for a while afterwards, but when I got transferred to the 99th precinct in Brooklyn, I found a new family. One that was better than the one I’d had, and I was incredibly grateful to have them all in my life every day.

 So, after all of this time, it came as a shock to receive a call from him. He’d gotten himself arrested again and apparently mom and dad couldn’t afford to bail him out this time. I idly wondered exactly how many other time’s they’d had to cough up some bail money for their perfect son, especially if it had gotten to the point of them having nothing left this time. I knew mom and dad had a nice little nest egg they’d put aside for their retirement—had he drained it all? I felt my heart clench at what that meant for them, but I didn’t let myself linger on it—it was their choice to keep him in their lives and ignore his toxic tendencies. I was not responsible for their choices and I was certainly not going to suffer the consequences of their actions.

 ‘Hey, Y/N did you finish the report for that B and E?’ Jake’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

 ‘Uh, yeah it’s on Holt’s desk.’ I forced a smile, grabbing some extra files I needed to finish and standing up, ‘I’m gonna go and finish these somewhere else. It’s a little loud in here, I can’t concentrate.’

 I fled before Jake could say anything in response—if I gave him the chance to talk he would comment on the fact that the bullpen was quieter than it ever was because him and I were the only ones there. Well, aside from Sarge and the Captain, but both were always quiet because they had their own paperwork to be getting on with. Rosa and Charles were out on a case and Amy was off for the weekend—apparently she was going to see a TED talk on body language…at least I think that’s what she’d said. Gina was out on lunch, but she’d been gone for at least two hours now—I was anyone’s guess if and when she was coming back.

 So really, needing quiet was a bogus excuse and Jake would pick up on that and start asking me what was wrong, and I didn’t want to talk about it. At least, not here anyway. Jake already knew about the non-existent relationship I had with my family—he was my partner and the stake outs, undercover missions and late nights filling out paperwork led to a lot of time for bonding. It was safe to say that the hyperactive man knew me better than anyone on the squad, or rather, anyone ever. There was just something about the brown haired, brown-eyed boy that made it impossible not to feel comfortable around him. I didn’t know if it was just a part of his personality, or if he was just the first and only person I’d ever clicked with so fast. Either way, I was lucky to have him in my life, as someone I could tell anything to, as someone I knew I could call at three in the morning because I needed to talk to someone who would listen… as someone I was starting to care for as more than a friend.

 I shook my head free of those thoughts and took a seat at the desk in the evidence room. I will only focus on my paperwork. With a determined nod I opened my files and started filling out the relevant information, placing sticky tabs onto the pages I’d need to get Peralta to sign too. It didn’t take as long as I’d thought and in no time, I’d finished the four lots of reports and I was staring blankly at one of the many plain brown boxes piled on the shelves of evidence lock up.

 These were times when I’d distract myself, refusing to linger on the pain and abandonment that sprang up inside of me whenever I thought about my family. Usually it worked great, and I got to a point where I could go months without them even crossing my mind. But I guess hearing my brother’s voice earlier was making it more difficult—he’d opened up the wound and I was going to have to wait for the skin to stitch itself back together.

 I knew I’d made the right decision for me—my brother was toxic and even though it hadn’t been easy, I’d cut him out of my life, because I just couldn’t be happy while I was constantly waiting for the phone to ring to bail his ass out of whatever problem he’d managed to get himself into. The thought of that isn’t what hurt; what hurt more than anything was how easily and quickly my parents had turned their backs on me. How couldn’t they see how poisonous, how selfish he was? Why couldn’t they understand why I had to do what I did?

 I took a deep breath and when it turned into a sob, the tears in my eyes spilled over. I leaned back in my chair, pulling my knees up to my chest and decided to indulge in a good cry. Everyone needed that once and a while, right? I hid my face in my knees and just let the tears, the sobs, all of it out. I’d been holding it in for a long time—while I’d shed a few tears over this predicament over the last five years, I’d never let myself go this much. And while my heart was throbbing painfully and my throat was starting to feel raw, it felt good to purge all of the feelings of abandonment, anger and hurt from my body.

 Being so lost in crying I hadn’t heard someone join me in the evidence room and I just about jumped a mile when I felt a hand on my back. I looked up to see Jake, his hands held in front of him defensively and his brown eyes shining with concern. Without much thought I practically leaped into his arms and buried my face in his chest, the sobs and tears continuing to fall from me—I was too far in to stop now, I had to let it run its course. Jake’s arms wound around me and he rested his chin on top of my head, murmuring soothing things to me. Eventually he sat in the chair I’d been on when he’d arrived, pulling me onto his lap and allowing me to nuzzle further into his warmth. He started to rub the bottom of my back comfortingly and I just about melted into him as the tears finally started to subside.

 I don’t know how long we were sat there for, but he never once complained or pushed me to talk about what had caused this reaction, even after the tears stopped. He just kept rubbing my back and occasionally placing a chaste kiss to my hair, which made my heart skip in my chest every time. I nuzzled my way up to the crook of his neck, inhaling his cologne and not fighting as my eyes fluttered shut at the comfort and security that intensified around me.

 ‘Thank you, Jake.’ I murmured, my voice was low but even I could hear how weak it sounded.

 ‘It’s no problem, Y/N.’ He kissed my hair again and I could sense that he was bracing himself to ask me something that he was worried I wouldn’t want to hear, ‘did something happen?’

 The question didn’t make me stiffen defensively like it would have if anyone else had asked. But coming from him, I didn’t mind, and so instead I sighed and melted further into him.

 ‘My bother called.’ I felt him stiffen momentarily—he knew that couldn’t mean anything good, especially with the state he’d found me in, ‘he was arrested for possession and intent to distribute. Mom and dad couldn’t afford to bail him out this time, apparently I was his last resort.’

 ‘What did you tell him?’ he asked, a little hesitantly.

 ‘I told him that I didn’t care and that it was about time he faced some repercussions for his actions. He told me I was a bitch and that I was dead to him. I told him he’d been dead to me for five years, harsh but true.’ I shrugged and Jake’s index finger tilted my chin up so he could study my eyes. I assumed he was trying to figure out if I was actually feeling as casual and dismissive as I was acting over the conversation I’d had with my brother.

 He frowned in confusion, ‘you don’t seem upset about that, so what’s bought this on?’

 Another sigh fell from me, my eyes fluttering closed as his hand caressed the side of my face, ‘over the past five years I’d gotten good at not thinking about my family, I’d just distract myself whenever a thought about them popped into my head.’ He nodded, but the crease between his brows hinted that his confusion lingered, ‘and I got to a point where they wouldn’t cross my mind for months, but that phone call, hearing his voice just bought it all back. Tore open the wound all over again, and while I honestly don’t care about my brother no longer being in my life… it still hurts that my mom and dad just disowned me so easily. I still don’t understand why. I get that they were pissed at me for disowning him, but why can’t they understand that with him in my life I was only ever on edge? That I couldn’t be truly happy while I was waiting for the phone to ring with him asking for more money to bail him out of whatever trouble he’d gotten himself into?’

 The pain in Jake’s eyes made my eyes tear up all over again, touched that he seemed to care enough that my sadness affected him so deeply. I took a deep breath, determined to get it all out.

 ‘My anger has stopped me from shedding more than a few tears over the years, I never let it out, never let myself properly grieve for the parents I lost. And for some reason I decided that here in the evidence lock up was the best location for that to happen.’ My tone turned a little light-hearted at the end and Jake acknowledged my effort by smiling a little, but the pain still lingered in his eyes.

 ‘I’m so sorry, Y/N.’ He said, his words coming out so quickly that I had to concentrate to catch them all, it was as if he’d been holding it in for a long time and now he was rushing to get it all out, ‘I’m sorry that your parents and your brother didn’t realise how lucky they were to have you in their lives. I’m sorry that they just disowned you so easily, without recognising what a loss it would be and how empty their lives must be without you in it. I’m sorry that they hurt you.’ His eyes were shining with such intensity as he spoke and when he paused to take a breath, a softness appeared in them that made my breath catch, ‘I’m sorry they didn’t appreciate how incredible you are when they had the chance, but I’m not sorry that they’re never going to get the chance again. Because they don’t deserve it, they don’t deserve to have you in their lives. They don’t deserve to know the person you are now because they didn’t realise how kind, sweet, caring and loving you were then. They don’t deserve to know all of the achievements you’ve accomplished in your career and your personal life.’ He gently wiped away the tears as they fell down my cheeks, ‘the truth is, Y/N, I don’t understand how anyone could ever turn their back on you, because I cannot imagine my life without you. It would be empty, a lot less fun, I wouldn’t be as enthusiastic to come to work because I wouldn’t have the fact that I would get to see you to motivate me.’

 ‘Jake,’ I whispered, overwhelmed and I feeling myself fall that little bit more in love with him.

 ‘I know I’m being a little intense here and I hope that it’s not freaking you out, but I wanted you to know that I and everyone in your life now, would never be able to abandon you like they did. You have a family, you have a home here.’ He kissed my forehead.

 His proximity didn’t diminish after, as he rested his forehead against mine, close enough that I could feel his breath mingling with mine, both of us suddenly breathing sporadically. I knew he wouldn’t move close enough to kiss me, he would leave the power in my hands, and if I pushed him away he would immediately get off me and give me space. But I didn’t want space; I wanted to feel his lips moving against mine, I wanted to taste his skin on my tongue. My hands trailed up either side of his neck and moved through his soft brunette hair, Jake’s eyes darkened with lust and I felt my knees go weak—if I’d still been standing I would have crumpled to the floor. I gently pulled him towards me, close enough to close the small gap between us.

 The kiss started off tender, his soft lips dancing gently with mine as we tentatively learned how to move together. Once the shyness melted into the heat of our lust, the kiss became more passionate, me shifting in his lap to straddle him, my hands tightening in his hair when he gripped my waist tighter to pull me closer. I felt a moan tumble from me when he flicked his tongue against mine—I’d never had that kind of reaction when kissing anyone before, but no one had ever kissed me so expertly, so effortlessly as if he knew what I wanted when I didn’t. I felt myself melt into him as his tongue dominated mine, another sound of pleasure leaving my throat. I was overwhelmed with the affect he was having on me—my whole body was tingling with electricity, my bones felt like they’d melted and a knot of pleasure was forming in my belly and growing so quickly that I felt like I was going to burst into flames at any moment.

 Eventually we reluctantly pulled apart, our bodies needing the oxygen we’d been denying it for too long. My forehead fell to his shoulder as I tried to get my breathing under control, and when I felt like I could speak again a breathy, ‘wow’ was whispered into the skin of his neck.

 ‘That was the hottest moment of my life.’ His voice was breathy too and I lifted my head to look at him, a teasing smile on my face.

 ‘Title of your sex tape.’ I winked, laughing with him, though I stopped abruptly when he sat up straighter, his hands tightening on my waist to assure he didn’t drop me.

 He gasped, ‘title of our sex tape!’

 I threw my head back, a loud laugh tumbling from my throat as I slapped the hand he held up for a high five. He entwined our fingers together and pulled me closer, placing a short but passionate and loving kiss to my lips. His eyes were soft when we pulled apart, and I knew that I was observing him in the same adoring way as my free hand fell to the back of his neck, playing with the longer strands of his soft hair.

 ‘I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Jake Peralta.’ I murmured, kissing his nose when he bashfully grinned, his eyes softening even more.

 ‘Not as lucky as I am.’ His hand caressed the side of my face, his eyes tender with adoration and sincerity, and he bought our lips together once again.

 As our lips moved together once again, I couldn’t help but thank whatever deity had bought Jake Peralta and the rest of the squad into my life. Because Jake was right, I did have a family here, one that was better and stronger than the relationships I used to have with my mom, dad and brother. But I was especially grateful for Jake. For his kindness, generosity, for caring about me, for loving me. We might not have said it, but I knew he felt it, just as I knew he was sure that I felt the same for him—it was clear in our eyes as we looked at each other and our touch as we held one another.

 And as our kiss deepened with fervour, I was certain that I would go through all the pain that came with my parents disowning me a thousand times over, if it meant that I would be blessed with having Jake Peralta in my life when it was done.

[lovingmyselfcore]

this is me trying in 3 acts

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written and published! This has been huge in my brain and now that it’s done I’m really proud of it :)

Act 1 is Asterin after her baby. Act 2 is Morrigan in Hewn City. Act 3 is both in mismatched scenes as they heal etc.

And shoutout to @the-love-yourself-journal who I very randomly updated on wordcounts and everything when I’ve been writing this

Act I; Asterin Blackbeak

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

"You slept with a human man, you whore," She spat, "And you couldn't even give birth correctly."

"What?" The world around Asterin was hazy, and all she could feel was the relief of having her child out of her, but also fear for that same reason.

"You are pathetic,"

"What happened to my baby?" 

"He was dead once he was born." A small witch Asterin didn't know murmured to her. Asterin felt her heart shatter.

"No, no, it cannot be true," She could barely get her words out, she choked over her sobs and words, like the pieces of her heart had lodged in her lungs. 

If it was even possible, the world went even darker and hazier.

All she remembered after that was the smell of burning flesh and the Matron Blackbeak spitting insults at her, "Whore, filthy, broken, worthless,

Unclean.”

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

"Asterin," Manon was staring at her with narrowed eyes. "Where did your mind go? I need you sharp."

Asterin apologized, trying her hardest to act like nothing was wrong. They all fell for it, and in a way, she hated them for it. She wanted to scream.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Thirteen were camped out in a mountain on a mission from Manon's grandmother. They had to rise before dawn, so the other witches had retired early. Asterin, however, laid awake, thoughts and nightmares plaguing all her attempts at rest.

Nobody knew.

Nobody knew.

Nobody knew but Asterin and the Matron. Since what happened that witch that had broken the news was nowhere to be found. The Matron had probably disposed of the loose end.

Asterin pushed herself into an upright sitting position, looking around at the other witches, all asleep.

She had to be careful, they were trained to wake at a disturbance that could be antagonistic, so she had to maneuver carefully, taking her broom with her.

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

She wasn't sure how long she flew, but it wasn't very long.

She tossed her broom to the side and jogged up to the cliffside, falling to her knees.

Only a single tear escaped.

She looked over the side. It was quite a distance, meaning if she fell, it would likely be the end for Asterin Blackbeak.

At the bottom, she saw a figure walk out of the woods. Her shoulders tightened until she saw her hunter walking towards her cliff. He cradled a child carefully in his arms. They stopped directly under her. She couldn't hear him, but somehow she knew what he was saying.

"Come on, please. We miss you. We need you."

She leaned over the edge even farther, but she paused.

"Asterin!" She turned to find the source of the yell and saw Manon pushing her way through the crowd. Manon threw her arms around Asterin and buried her face in her neck. "Your grandmother?" Asterin asked softly, patting her cousin's back. 

She felt Manon nod and led the girl into a sitting position on the floor.

She sniffed, smelling alcohol.

"So that's why you're being so physically affectionate," Asterin mumbled to herself, running her hands through Manon's hair.

When Manon's breathing deepened, Asterin lifted her into a nearby cot, knowing that Manon would tell her what happened with her grandmother if she wanted to.

~~~

“Hey, Asterin,” Faline and Fallon were both grinning at her, teeth sharp. Asterin was immediately on edge. The Demon Twins never smiled unless they were about to cause extreme bloodshed.

“Yes?” She asked carefully, never taking her eyes off of them. She had no idea what they were doing and what they had planned.

“Come with us,” Faline said, her voice like a silk noose.

“Why?”

“We noticed you’ve been off lately,” Fallon said, resting her hands on her hips where she knew knives were concealed.

“Have some fun with us!” Faline was at her shoulder now, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Fallon was at her other shoulder, “We’re going to take our brooms and some knives,” She produced one, twirling it expertly in her hands before flipping it, handing it hilt-first to Asterin.

“And attack some people!” Faline finished with what sounded like a disturbing giggle.

Asterin took the knife warily and took a deep breath looking at both of them.

This was what they knew, she realized, they didn’t know what was wrong but 

this was their way to fix it and she felt a piece of her heart warm.

“Why not?” Asterin conceded.

The twins had glee in their eyes that Asterin knew would never come out in any form of honest laughter, but she was okay with that. She loved these demonic weirdos.

~~~~~~~~~

Ghislaine was sitting in a small corner of the room. The fireplace was crackling next to her and she sat on the floor like it was a throne. Her back was straight, her feet tucked under her as she balanced a book precariously on her lap while she took a sip from a mug.

“Is that tea?” Asterin asked, knowing full well it wasn’t.

Ghislaine just grinned, her lips too red to be simple paint.

“Who’s?” She asked, keeping an eye on Ghislaine’s book - which looked ready to tumble into the fire.

Ghislaine shrugged, “I did not ask his name.”

Asterin nodded and the pair lapsed into silence. Ghislaine was just about to continue reading when Asterin broke the stillness.

“This is going to sound,” She hesitated. “Childish, perhaps. But, will you read me a story?”

Ghislaine stared at her, only showing a single flash of surprise. “Why?”

“It’s too quiet,” Asterin mumbled, gesturing to the window. The night was still and quiet, the hum of insects and birds had ended hours ago. Normally, Asterin fell asleep next to her window, comforted by the sounds of a never-ending storm, but not tonight. “I can’t fall asleep.”

Ghislaine was silent for long enough for a flush of humiliation to spread across Asterin’s cheeks, but finally, she gestured to the small cot in the corner of her room.

Asterin laid down wearily, but already her mind had begun settling.

Ghislaine gently brushed her hair back in an uncommon motherly gesture.

She curled up on the floor by Asterin and started reading her book. It was nothing Asterin understood but she had soon been soothed enough that her eyes grew too heavy to ignore.

Somehow, she knew Ghislaine would never share what happened that night unless Asterin allowed it. 

Never.

~~~~~ 

Vesta was the witch Asterin was closest to, aside from Manon. They loved to wreak havoc together.

She would always match Asterin’s energy. If Asterin was quieter, more tired then they wouldn’t go out for as long as they normally would, if Vesta requested they go out at all.

If Asterin was ever hesitant, Vesta would never force her to do anything or question why she was hesitant.

On the other end of the spectrum, if Asterin was aggressive. If she wanted blood instead of harmless pranks on the coven, Vesta would oblige her and they would hunt down any man hurting anyone. And then they would rip him apart.

She wouldn’t question when Asterin flinched at the sight of a mother and her child, and then that would lead to a particularly bloody evening for them.

~~~~ 

Briar and Edda never talked to her but on days they suspected she wasn’t well they wouldn’t leap out at her in the way they would with everyone else. The two of them, witches who took their pleasure in scaring the others, would back off 

Asterin if they observed her and felt that they should.

They would distract the others while Asterin snuck off to fly and cool down, or when Asterin’s breathing became irregular and she needed the attention taken away from her.

They’d never mention when she woke suddenly in the night and escaped through the shadows when they were on watch.

They never brought it up, and she loved them all the more for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Imogen and Linnea were never as close with Asterin but, same as the others they never questioned her on her weird behavior. They would often back her up in her constant struggle against Matron Blackbeak.

If they were at an encampment and either of them were on watch they would allow Asterin to take off into the night on her broom.

None of them would question her if they assumed it would make her uncomfortable. They helped her if they could, all of them.

She didn’t deserve their loyalty. Their love.

She didn’t deserve them.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Those women don't even know what your grandmother's done to you," She 

heard her hunter's voice in her head again.

She looked down at them and let out a dry sob, "I'm sorry my loves but I'll join you eventually. Manon and the thirteen need me now." 

She could almost see her hunter’s face. His broken expression, his mouth tight as if to stop himself from asking her one final time to join them. If it was really him, which Asterin doubted. She knew he understood. He didn’t like it. 

But he understood she had to leave. She would see them again, someday.

Her voice was heavy and she was just tempted to leap off the cliff and not give it a second thought, but her coven's faces just kept appearing in front of her.

So, with heavy limbs and tears streaking down her face, she left her hunter and child once again.

~~~~~~~~~

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

She jumped off her broom before her feet touched the ground, it was already dawn and she saw the thirteen spread out across the mountain, but not too far, apparently searching for her.

Vesta saw her first, relief apparent on her face, and she called out to the others.

Asterin clapped Vesta's hand and pulled each other close until they were touching foreheads. The rest of the thirteen did this with Asterin too, aside from Manon, who was standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Where were you." Her voice was gruff.

Asterin bowed her head, "I apologize,"

Although it wasn't an explanation Manon apparently thought it was good enough because she surged forward, pulling Asterin into an uncommon hug.

"Whatever you did, I hope you're okay now," Manon whispered.

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

Asterin's heart was still fractured, but she hoped that slowly she could heal, maybe not completely. Never completely. But enough.

Asterin pulled away, slinging one arm across Manon's shoulder, the other over Vesta. The others followed suit.

"We are the Thirteen, from now until the Darkness claims us," Asterin said, the echoes of the others not far behind.

She'd lost a family. But she wouldn't forget the one she still had.

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

Act II; Morrigan

They told me all of my cages were mental

"I just want you to be happy, sweetheart!"

"No! No, you don't! You want me to get married and have children and never do anything other than care for my kids! I want to be someone!"

"You have so much potential!"

"Yes, I do. I could be a legendary warrior, I could live my life the way I want to. But all you want is for me to rear children."

“I know you know that I am more powerful than anybody in this family.” Mor snarled at her mother. “I know it.”

Her mother raised her chin, her eyes going hard. A stark contrast to the previous desperate passion.

“You’re still a virgin. And you’re so powerful. It’s going to be very valuable for this family when your father and I find you a powerful suitor.”

Mor went silent, her mouth slightly gaped. “No. No. NO!”

Her mother didn’t flinch, in fact, she rolled her eyes. “Sit down, Morrigan. This is your duty.” When Mor didn’t sit her mother put her hands on her shoulders, digging her nails in enough to draw blood, and forced her to sit at the vanity. 

Her mother grabbed her brush and roughly pulled through Mor’s hair. “You will make us proud, Morrigan. You will not be a disgrace.”

So I got wasted like all my potential

Mor knew she needed to get out but she couldn't. She couldn't and she hated it. She hated herself. She hated her father. She hated her mother. She hated the damn Court of Nightmares. 

She curled into herself on her bed, fighting tears. They all wanted so much from her. So much that she couldn't give them. She couldn't wear the dresses she wanted, lest she tempts any of the men that aren't her husband. 

Her breath came out in short gasps. She needed to be numb. She couldn’t do this alone.

She hunched over and let herself become smoke and shadow.

There was a party going on in the main room, everyone was drunk or high or otherwise distracted. 

Mor allowed herself a small smile as she swiped a bottle of some of the strongest liquor she knew her father had. She winnowed back to her room and allowed herself a one-woman party, stripping down to her underwear. Destroying everything she could get away with, slamming her fists into the mirror. Tearing apart the dresses her mother forced her to wear. Throwing things against the wall hard enough they broke.

Needless to say, she downed the bottle quickly.

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

“It’s your seventeenth birthday,” Her mother said, brushing her hair into an intricate style. Her mother wasn’t looking at her but Mor was staring at her in the mirror. “Is there anything you want to do to celebrate?”

“No.” She said, her voice stiff and shoulders tense.

Her mother sighed and a flash of pain crossed her face before setting down the brush.

“Well. I’ll see you for dinner then.”

Mor nodded.

The night of her seventeenth birthday was the same as her other nights. 

Sneak a bottle, strip down, destroy everything possible. Nothing different, the same mind-numbing act that made her believe, for only a short time, that she had some kind of control over life.

Only when she would wake up, would she remember she didn’t.

A few days later she jolted awake in her bed, sharp pains in her lower abdomen. She launched herself off the bed to see a small puddle of blood where she’d been laying.

A single trickle of blood made its way out from beneath her nightgown and down her leg, hitting the floor with deafening clarity.

“Oh, mother save me,” She whispered.

Suddenly the mountain seemed to shake, Mor lunged for her bed, gripping the frame as terrible convulsions wracked through her body. The world flashed white then went still as if nothing had happened, but Mor knew the truth.

Her true power had been awakened with such intensity the mountain shook.

The realization of what this all meant washed over her like cold water, dispiriting the excitement of holding such intense power.

“Oh, cauldron.” Tears streaked across her face. “I’ve bled.”

She sunk to her knees and buried her face in her hands. “I can get pregnant.”

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

She stared at her hands. They were starting to tremble. She could see the tips of her fingers shaking.

“Eris Vanserra, he’s the oldest son of the Autumn Court. He’s going to be a wonderful investment for this family. Just like you will be for him.”

The rest of her fingers.

“You’re so powerful, Morrigan. And you are pure. You will be the perfect wife. Especially if before we hand you over that attitude of yours is fixed.”

Her palms and wrists.

“How long?” She heard herself ask. She was seated at the table, her food uneaten in front of her. Her hands rested in her lap. Modest as ever dress. 

Hair styled exactly like her mother always styled it.

It started as a normal dinner until her father had told her they’d found a man with the highest price to offer for her.

It had been done. She’d been sold.

“Soon, Morrigan, soon.”

She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t. Mother above.

Eris Vanserra!

Mother above.

Her breathing came out in choked gasps, her chest was tight.

“With a few extra lessons,” Her mother said, imperious to her plight. “I can make into the perfect wife.”

“Do you know how many kids the lady of autumn had?” Mor asked softly. Her parents didn’t respond. Good. It was rhetorical. “Too many.”

“Too many,” She whispered to herself, rocking back and forth in her stiff, stone chair.

“You’re always so concerned about the children.” Her father spat. “It’s an honor to bear a High Lord’s child.”

“He might not even become High Lord.” Mor spat back.

Her father shoved away from the table and strode over to where she was. She braced herself seconds before his hand collided with her cheek.

He didn’t say anything else to her, just stood there, breathing heavily.

“Start those extra lessons immediately.” He snarled at her mother.

“Of course,” She said quietly.

Mor looked back at her hands.

Pourin' out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey

“Mor?” Her cousin knocked on her bedroom door.

She threw it open and leaped into her arms. He gripped the doorframe to not fall over, wrapping his arms around her. 

“Are you ready to go?” He asked softly.

She made an affirmative noise. She pulled away just enough to grab a bag with all she needed while they were in the mountains.

He wrapped an arm around her again and winnowed to the mountains.

“Thank you,” She whispered to the smoke. She didn’t think he would hear her but his arm tightened around her.

~~~

“Cass, Mor,”

Mor looked up at her cousin, her aunt, and Azriel next to him.

“It’s time for us to leave. Watch her, alright?” Rhys said to Cass, his face full of mock-seriousness.

Her aunt wrapped her arms around her and Mor felt herself melt. Rhys’ mom had always been more of a mother to Mor than her own was.

“You be careful.” Her aunt pulled away and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

The full meaning of that statement wasn’t lost on Mor.

“I’m trying my best,” She murmured back. Her aunt brought her in for another hug.

“I know, sweetheart. I know. You’re so strong. Keep fighting, okay? Always keep fighting.”

Rhys hugged her next and kissed the top of her head. “See you later, oh cousin of mine.” Mor laughed.

Azriel didn’t hug her, but he nodded in her direction and she smiled back. “All three of you come back alive, okay?”

When they were gone, Cass sat back down. “So,”

Mor sat next to him and raised her eyebrows. “What do you do for fun around here?”

A few hours later they were both sprawled haphazardly on the couch. He’d suggested they drink but she’d turned him down. Somewhere in her mind she already knew where this was going to end.

Mor was ranting to him about her problems with Eris, her father, her mother, and the entire court. And, in response, he was talking to her about what had happened to him to lead him to Az and Rhys.

When they had lapsed into silence a thought came up with Mor and she didn’t think it through before she spoke. “What if there was a way for me to escape being married to Eris?”

Cassian looked at her, intrigued.

“The only thing he wants-they want-that I have control over is my virginity.”

Understanding started to dawn in his eyes, “Morrigan, I’m not sure if-”

“Please, Cassian. Please.” Her voice was desperate now.

He looked at her. “You are just going to find someone else if I say no, aren’t you.”

She didn’t respond and he sighed.

“Well?” She asked finally.

“Come here.” He responded and she smiled, moving across the couch until she was on his lap. 

He took her face in his hands, keeping her a distance from his face. “You’re completely sure about this.”

“Neither of us are drunk, Cassian. I’m completely clear-headed.”

That was all she needed to say.

I just wanted you to know

“Do you know what this is going to do, Cassian? Did you even think before jumping into my cousin’s pants?”

“It was completely consensual on both sides.” He said carefully.

“So? This is going to destroy her! This decision will cause much political scandal!”

“That’s all you care about? She is being forced into many things she doesn’t want to do, and all you care about is your political chess game.”

Rhys snarled a warning. “I am trying my damned best to help her. I love her.”

“You’ve sure got a bad way of showing it.”

Then all talking stopped and when Mor finally pushed her way out her cousin and Cass were fighting in the snow.

“Guys!” She called but she might as well have been yelling at a brick wall.

They didn’t stop.

For days, they didn’t stop.

They were at ends for so long, Az bouncing between them occasionally in arguments but mostly just looking tired.

“Please,” She whispered. They both looked up at her. “You two are brothers. Come on, I don’t want this to be the reason you two never speak again. Besides, what I do,” She glared at Rhys, “Is none of your business.”

They stared at each other. Rhys was the first to offer an olive branch. Cass grudgingly took it.

They talked animatedly for hours, working out why Rhys was so wound up about this, and very quickly began acting like they hadn’t been fighting at all.

Mor breathed a laugh as she watched them from her perch in the makeshift kitchen. They were brothers, and she was very glad she hadn’t caused the end to that. She knew her cousin needed him and from what she could tell, Cassian needed him just as much, if not more.

Later that evening the four of them (Mor, Cass, Az, and Rhys) were sitting in a circle on the floor, drinking and talking and laughing but a shadow hung over them all, putting a damper on the conversation. Mor had to go back to the Hewn City soon, and none of them were looking forward to it.

~~~~

Later, Mor was sitting on her bed in the cabin, fighting sleep. Falling asleep meant the new day would dawn sooner. Which meant she would have to leave. She was staring out the window, the reflection of the moonlight on the mountains should have taken her breath away but it was dampened by the sight of the tents which held the other Illyrian warriors camped out at this camp.

A gentle knock on her door startled her and she looked over at it with hesitance before remembering it couldn’t be her father.

“Come in,” She called.

Rhys pushed her door open and stared at her. She stared, unflinchingly, right back. He seemed awkward and uncomfortable in the doorway.

“I’m sorry.” He said finally

She didn’t respond but gestured him in.

He sat stiffly on her bed. “I know what you do isn’t my business. I know that. I do.”

She nodded her acknowledgment.

“I worry about you, Mor.” His voice was edging desperately. He wanted her to understand. “I love you and I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Do you think Cassian will hurt me?”

He hesitated then shook his head, “Cass wouldn’t do that, I know that too. But everyone else might.” He whispered.

“I know, Rhys. But I can’t. I can’t get married and bear children to a man I don’t love. I can’t do that. That’s not who I am!” Her voice was rising above the necessary levels.

“I understand,” He murmured, tucking her into his side. “I do.”

“I love you too,” She whispered finally.

“You are too powerful and beautiful and smart to be contained. I will do anything I can to help you. I promise.”

She started crying and wrapped her arms tighter around him.

“I promise.”

That this is me trying

Mor and Eris were standing in the woods in the Autumn Court. She had her arms crossed over her chest, her braid whipping around behind her wildly.

Somehow Eris had found out about what Mor had done with Cassian, she had a feeling her cousin had reluctantly let it get around.

“I can’t.” Eris shook his head, backing away from her, “You’ve been ruined.” 

Mor fought to keep her face impassive, and if she showed emotion she was miserable but her heartbeat quickened. She was so close. So close to her freedom.

“You’ve been sullied by a bastard-born lesser faerie.” Eris snarled, spitting into the dirt. “We can’t be married.”

Mor watched him carefully, she had no idea what he was going to do.

He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe it. “Why?”

Mor knew he wasn’t asking because he cared about their marriage, he only wanted to know why Cassian. Why an Illyrian. Honestly? She had no idea.

She stayed silent, raising her chin.

He rolled his eyes, “Right. Well. I break the union.”

And then he just walked away. He didn’t make sure she got home. Not like she wanted him to watch her winnow away but it was rude anyway.

She made a vulgar gesture at his back before leaving, grinning to herself.

He’d reacted so much better than she thought he would, then he could have reacted.

I just wanted you to know

Her mother hadn’t come to her rooms that morning, it was a serving girl who had helped her dress and was now braiding her hair. She’d known this servant for a long time. She’d grown up in the court, near Morrigan, and had been sent to assist her on many occasions. They weren’t close, necessarily but Mor felt she could talk to the girl.

Today her nimble fingers weaved through her blonde curls, her hands were steady, a stark contrast to her face which was bleached white. Her eyes were tracing the room as if she was scared something-or someone- would jump out and attack her. 

“Should I be afraid?” Her voice broke the brittle silence.

The girl- Aine- didn’t stop her braiding but her lips moved though no sound came out. 

“I’m not sure,” She said finally, “But I am scared for you, mistress.”

Mor’s fingers twitched, it wasn’t a great answer.

She finished with a small flourish and Mor stood. She looked herself over in the mirror, Aine fiddling with her hands behind her. Mor took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders back, raising her chin. She had done this. She had saved herself from marriage and was now going to be facing consequences. 

But she had freed herself from the terrorizing grip of Eris Vanserra.

Now she had her father to deal with.

~~~~~~

“Good luck, Mistress.” Aine’s voice echoed as Mor exited her room with a sinking feeling she wouldn’t be back.

When she entered the throne room, her mother and father were both waiting for her. 

Her mother’s face was something she’d never seen from her before. It was more than the disappointment she had on her face when she found her only daughter hungover or sneaking out of the kitchen at night. It was a bone-chilling disappointment. The kind of disappointment that lingered for longer than an hour. She wasn’t disheveled, her mother had most likely never been disheveled a day in her life- but her shoulders were heavy, her eyes rimmed with dark circles and her fingers twitched from their place resting in her lap.

Her father, however, was more than disappointed. He was angry. His eyes were dark with a rage that chilled the room. He wasn’t sitting like her mother was, he was standing, hands clenched at his sides, feet planted into the ground as if he was seconds away from breaking into a run or spontaneously bursting into flames. Or both.

Morrigan froze in the doorway and they both looked her up and down, both of their gazes filled with something that definitely wasn’t good.

“You’ve disappointed us.” Her mother’s voice was calm. No, calm wasn’t the word to describe it. It was careful. Calculatingly undisturbed. Mor often forgot that her mother was Hewn City thorough-bred, she was manipulative. She was dangerous. “Are you sorry?”

“No,” Mor said after a pregnant silence. “No, I’m not sorry for wanting to live my own life.”

Keir laughed but it was filled with that same anger.

Her mother stood up, resting a hand on Keir’s arm briefly before walking over to Mor. She met her eyes but didn’t reach for her.

“Mom?” She asked, fighting to stop her voice from shaking.

She reached up and caressed Mor’s face before dropping it. Then she brought it back up so suddenly Mor didn’t have time to react as her mother’s hand met her cheek. Her head snapped sideways in response. “Mom,” Her voice was a whisper of agony.

Her mom shook her head in disgust. “You are not my daughter. Not since you whored yourself out to someone so lesser.” She stepped away from Mor, “You couldn’t have even done it with another high fae. You’re disgusting.”

“Mom.” 

“How dare you. How dare you! My only daughter, disgracing herself and me and especially your father in the process. You’re so powerful, you could have had powerful sons.”

That spurred her into words, “I could have had powerful sons? Not that I could use my power, just pass it on to my sons.”

“Yes.”

“The fact that you see nothing wrong with that,” Mor said meeting her eyes again, “Is so wrong. I’m so sorry for you.”

Her mother made to slap her again but Mor was expecting it this time, catching her wrist.

Her mother yanked her hand away from her and walked back to Keir, she murmured, “Do what you will.” Then turned and left, not looking at her on her way out.

Keir walked across the room to her, taking her shoulders in a tight grip, “My wife doesn’t have the stomach to watch what I have to do to you.”

A curl of fear, “And what’s that?”

“I have to teach you a lesson.” His lip curled upwards in excitement that made Mor’s stomach churn. Stepping away and motioning for her to be restrained allowed for multiple of his best warriors to enter. She was good, but there were too many. She did land a few blows of her own but her power was untrained and wild so she had to rely on her physical capabilities alone. She thought she was winning, that she was going to make it out of this with only a few cuts and bruises when one surprised her. Her legs were swept out from under her, followed by a swift kick to the ribs 

“And then,” He lifted one shoulder casually as his only child was restrained in a standing position. She wasn’t against a wall, allowing him to circle her, “If you survive what I must do to you, then you become Autumn’s problem.”

One of the warriors handed him a knife, and her hell began.

She prayed to the Cauldron for her to blackout, to not feel the pain her own father was inflicting, to not hear her own screams echoing, her own blood dripping onto the marble floor.

The Cauldron, apparently, wasn’t on her side.

That this is me trying

She wanted death. She hadn’t ever wished for death like she did right now. Part of her knew she was free now and celebrated that. However, the rational part of her. The part that currently felt the blood leaving every possible place in her body, knew that she wasn’t going to be ‘free’ for very long.

She shifted, almost imperceptibly, and felt the nails in her womb shift. She pressed her lips together to contain the pained groan that attempted to escape.

She dug her nails into the soft earth and scratched futilely. She didn’t know what she wanted to happen, her legs were numb so unless she could gather enough upper body strength there was no moving from this spot.

Her father hadn’t even had the gall to take her and dump her himself. He’d had some of his most trusted soldiers leave her at the border to the Autumn Court. As soon as they’d left and her heightened senses stopped being able to pick them up she’d allowed herself a single scream.

It had torn through her with enough force to make her entire body shake. She didn’t know if she was screaming from the blinding agony she was currently in or how quickly everyone she’d ever known turned on her with an undeniable eagerness that hurt to think about.

The damp earth around her fingers was all she could think about as her mind faded in and out of consciousness. The earth seemed to be getting damper and with a horrified whimper she knew why.

Her head, her neck, her upper arms. The cuts and injuries her father had inflicted on her. They were open. That seemed so obvious in hindsight. The soil wasn’t damp from the rain. Her blood was soaking into the ground, and fast.

Another whimper escaped her lips as she dug her hands in harder, attempting to pull herself somewhere.

She yanked herself along, the sounds of her shattered broken bones shifting made bile rise to her tongue. She couldn’t see, the pain so horrible it was not even registering in her mind but it was registering everywhere else.

She pulled and pulled, inching carefully along the grass, slick with what should be running through her veins.

The birds, undisturbed, chirping above her. What she would give to be up there with them, no worries, just a simple purpose, and a simpler life.

The tears running down her face made knowing the difference between what part of her was slick with blood and what part of her was slick with tears difficult.

“Morrigan.”

Hearing her own name, knowing she wasn’t alone here to die any longer made her cry out. But, when her brain finally recognized the voice, her smile died before it began.

Eris Vanserra crouched over her, running a slender finger down her torso, beginning at her neck until he reached the note. She saw him pause and read it.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, lips curling in distaste. “My problem?” He ran a hand through her bloody hair with enough mock-tenderness to make her shiver. “No.” He pulled his hand away, wiping it on seemingly the only patch of grass not wet with her blood.

When he stood up and walked away there was a single moment where he looked back at her, something like regret shining in his eyes and in the tightness of his lips. However, since the world started fading not a minute after, she chalked that up to her imagination.

At least I’m trying

She thought she was dead when she was picked up. She was numb all over, not feeling pain and unable to move any part of her. With more desperation and strength than she’d ever used she forced her eyes to open. She blinked quickly at the flash of light that sent shocks through her body.

“You’re free. You’re free.”

Azriel.

He seemed to recognize she couldn’t speak and cradled her closer, taking care to not bump the nails still embedded in her stomach.

“You’re out, Mor. We’re going home.”

You’re free.

Act III; The Finale

And it's hard to be at a party

When I feel like an open wound

Her cousin tried to fight her battle with her. Azriel, Cassian, and even Amren did the same. They all worked relentlessly to help her heal. She knew she had to fight her battles on her own. It was working, albeit slowly.

The group of them were stumbling down the streets during a calm night. The moonlight stretched through and reflected off the beautiful and colorful streets and buildings of Velaris. The gentle sound of the Sidra flowing sent calming waves through Mor.

The liquor in her stomach warmed her body which still confused her mind. 

She’d been drinking at Rita’s with her cousin and the others this evening. In the beginning, she’d drank with them to not bring down the mood. She knew she wasn’t entirely fun to be around, not anymore or yet. But now she felt free if she didn’t stop to think much. Speaking of thinking, she was still able to do too much of it still. Rhys had an arm around her shoulder and she moved just enough to pluck the half-full bottle out of Amren’s hand. She felt Az’s eyes on her as she took a heavy swig out of the bottle and shuddered. 

She flashed a small smile at him and he quickly looked away.

She took another drink before Cassian snatched it.

She didn’t know what they were talking about but she could tell she was responding. Her dress, red, low-cut, caught on her heels and the cobblestones and she flew forward. Rhys let out a startled laugh as he caught her and righted her.

She flinched then giggled drunkenly.

Amren reached over and tugged lightly on the strap of Mor’s dress. Mor thought she was going to scold her. To say she should’ve not worn such a slutty dress, she couldn’t have gotten that drunk. Stumbling was a sign of weakness. She was weak. All Amren said though was, “We need to smooth out this road, right Rhysand?”

Rhys laughed, “I’ll do my best.” 

“Or you could just chop the bottom half of all your dresses off,” Cassian’s voice was slurred.

“Nope,” Az said simply.

Amren nodded her agreement, “The long dresses look amazing on her. She’s gotta keep them.” She grinned, all teeth.

Mor smiled up at the sky, the moon shining off her eyes and blonde hair like she was some kind of goddess.

She’d found her family.

A single tear whispered its way down her face and she wiped it quickly before the other noticed.

She loved these weirdo misfits, but despite that, she heard her mother whisper in the back of her mind. You may love them but they won’t stick around very long, you know that. You’ll disgrace yourself even more.

She reached for the bottle again.

It's hard to be anywhere these days

When all I want is you

When she was flying she was free. Flying with her coven, or flying alone, it didn’t matter. She was free.

The mountains were beautiful in the soft light of the dawn. She twisted through the snow-covered peaks. She was high above where anybody could see her and there, the young light warm on her face and the mountains at her sides she reached up and took her hair out of the braid she’d hurriedly threw it in not even an hour earlier.

Her hair whipped around her face, her movements throwing soft snow up from the peaks into her hair and face.

The contrasting temperatures and feelings were enough to clear her mind, she took a breath, deep enough to rattle her chest, and focused on the sensations. The ice and snow prickling her skin, and making her hair damp. The sun taking its daily trek through the sky and illuminating the snow with colors of orange and yellow and red. It was so early that even the bravest birds were asleep, and no lions or similar creatures were up this high. The silence was loud, filling her head with a warm buzzing sensation. She gripped the wood handle of her broom tightly attempting to focus solely on the feel of the wood beneath her calloused hands.

She failed miserably to say the least.

She leaned forward, bringing herself and her broom closer to the snow. She leaned down, running her hand through the smooth blanket, undisturbed by animals and humanoids alike.

It was so simple up here, so calm against the raging war constantly happening below. She wondered what it would be like to live a life like that.

If you’d stayed with him, you would know.

Him. Her hunter.

You would have raised your child, and he would have lived a life like this. Your reality wouldn’t be a constant power struggle between the witches and everyone else. Your reality wouldn’t be a permanent scar reminding you of your failure. Your reality wouldn’t be fighting to survive your own mind. Your reality wouldn't be so filled with people, yet so alone.

She allowed herself to slip off her broom into the welcoming pillow below her.

She lay still, listening to the silence of the dawn around her, and closed her eyes.

She was letting herself breathe, if only for a moment.

You're a flashback in a film reel

On the one screen in my town

The blade was a part of her, an extension of her pain. Her beliefs. In some ways, it was her. Following through on her desires, on her desperation. She had to help the humans. That was the only thought running through her brain. Slash, dodge, flip, stab, parry, disarm, kill.

She was a mindless machine, not allowing herself a flicker of doubt as she ended the lives of her own people. No. These weren’t her people. The only thing she had in common with them was being the same species.

The blades, the one in her hand and the ones strapped along her Illyrian armor, once gleamed gold in the dying light, now shone with blood. Fae blood.

She felt a warm liquid trickle down her face and wiped absent-mindedly with her upper arm.

Her senses were confused with the havoc around her but she focused, sending her mind through the throngs of people, fae and human alike. After moments of careful concentration, she found them.

Rhysand. Cassian. Azriel. 

They were okay.

But she was about to not be.

She sensed the Spring Court foot soldier lunging just in time. She spun, winnowing for just long enough to appear behind him, snapping his neck.

She spared a glance around her seeing the bodies littered all over the field. 

The blood ran like a river and her brain flashed to another moment where blood ran over soil.

She lifted a hand to her stomach absently.

Her ears twitched as she heard it. Screaming, human screaming.

She blindly called out to an Illyrian she passed by and paused only to see him nod in response. She took off, flying through the people, the soaring arrows and the sharp blades. It was one of them. One of the people on their side.

She lashed out frantically, dropping her sword and thrusting her hands through his chest. All the way through.

She looked down at the humans. Two of them, a father hunched over his daughter, as if protecting her.

She pulled him off of her, he was limp. Dead before she got there. The girl though, she looked to be about sixteen, her breaths coming out in short gasps, silent tears running down her face. The scratches and blood covering her proved she’d fought back.

Mor knew she had to get back to the battlefield but she kneeled anyway, pulling the girl closely against her. She gradually stopped shaking and pulled away. Looking Mor in the eye. She was afraid, but still, she looked at her unflinching. She’d just seen the barest example of what Mor could do but regardless she spoke. Her voice was hoarse, “You’re beautiful.” She ran her hands along Mor’s cheekbones carefully.

“I’m going to get you home,” Mor told her.

“I think I’m going to draw you.” She whispered.

Mor smiled, “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

The girl smiled brokenly, taking Mor’s face in her hands and pulling her close. 

“Don’t stop fighting. You are a warrior princess.”

Mor smiled again, “So are you.”

The girl looked at her for a beat longer, as if checking her message got through. Finally, she broke away, tearing off into the woods.

As Mor sprinted the other direction, towards the battlefield she hoped that girl would live long enough to draw her.

Spoiler alert: She didn’t. Later, Mor found her. Her heart ripped clean out of her chest. Not even a mile from her father’s body.

And I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say)

One day Rhys came home, his shoulders heavy, burdened by his new responsibility. Mor took a single look at him and knew. His mother and sister were dead. And he was now the High Lord of the Night Court.

She wrapped her arms around him and he fought so hard to not melt but it was only shortly after that he did, silent tears soaking through the sleeve of her dress.

Not long after she was named Rhysand’s third in command. She was third in command to the Night Court. 

Sometimes, when the days got bad, she would run her hands all over her skin, where her father had cut her, where he nailed the note into her stomach. She felt unworthy, dirty. She was a slut, a whore, a monster. But then. Then she would remember a simple fact.

She outranked her father.

She outranked her father.

So she distracted and busied herself, focusing solely on her duties when she was required to go to Hewn City, not facing her father unless absolutely necessary. Her family fought hard with her and she finally worked up the courage to wear her favorite dresses when visiting Hewn City.

She’d always been scared to do it but when she finally did the look on her father's face and seeing her family get defensive on her behalf made it worth it. No, scratch that. Seeing herself stand up to him, knowing there was nothing he could do to hurt her? Worth more than every insult he spewed at her that night.

~~~~

Asterin had bad days. This was an undeniable fact, something she couldn’t outrun no matter how much she tried.

There were days where she would be incapacitated from the pain, doubled over at the idea and memories of her child, her hunter. She would trace her finger over the word engraved over her damaged womb and repeat it to herself.

“Unclean. Unclean. Unclean.”

But then she would hear her name being called. So she would pull her shirt down and go meet the thirteen for whatever adventure they were headed on.

She would take every possible opportunity to stand up to Matron Blackbeak, despite the consequences from Manon.

She would look that old bitch dead in the eyes as she did whatever it was. Asterin would make sure she understood. She understood that this wasn’t completely about whatever trivial offense she’d committed. This was about the pain the matron had put her through. Had put what had to be countless witches before her (and possibly after) through.

She would curse, spit, even attempted a slap once or twice but it never made her feel powerful, or strong because it never stuck. The Matron was still in complete control, and Manon wouldn’t fight back against the Matron, never anything to upset the scales at least.

I just wanted you to know

She was healed. Not completely, she doubted she would ever be rid of the lingering trauma lovingly gifted to her by Hewn City. By her father, more specifically. But every time she put on one of her favorite dresses, she didn’t hear her mother’s voice in the back of her head.

She partied at Rita’s without inhibition, drinking as much as she wanted, spending her nights with whoever she wanted. She had control over her magic, she could fight (and she could fight really well, ask Cassian), and she loved herself. Meals were always filled with laughter and witty banter, something that before Velaris she’d never known. She had hit her peak in life, she had never been happier.

Mor fastened the jewelry to her pointed ears, smiling at herself in the mirror.

“Mor!” Cassian’s voice carried up the stairs. “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Poor baby!” She called back.

“Stop taking your sweet time and get your ass down here!”

“Don’t talk about a lady’s ass, you heathen.” That was Amren. Mor couldn’t stop her very unladylike snort.

She heard vague crashing noises and then Rhys’ voice called, “Mor, you know I’m all for spending time on appearances but please before the entire Night Court gets destroyed because Cassian pissed Amren off.”

She couldn’t see them but from the noises, she could assume Rhys had Cassian by the arms and Azriel had placed himself in front of Amren, both of them fighting to stop the carnage.

She ran her fingers through her hair before backing away from her vanity and sauntering out of her bedroom.

She was right, her family was in a stand-off in the sitting room.

“Come on, you uncontrollable monsters.” She pushed her way to the front of them, met with grumbles from Cassian and Rhysand. 

After dinner they were walking the streets of Velaris, stumbling along the bank of the Sidra.

“Morrigan?” A small voice asked. They all turned to see a girl, who must have been only five, standing there. She looked nervous as all hell and clutched between grubby hands was a white rose. She held it out to Mor who crouched to be eye-level with the girl.

“This is for you,” She whispered, her voice barely audible above the rush of the Sidra.

Mor’s heart warmed and she took the rose, and with painstaking care, she tucked it into her hair, “Thank you, sweetheart. What’s your name?”

“Beline,” She tucked her hands behind her, face red from the attention Mor was giving her. “I want to be like you when I grow up.”

“I have a feeling that you’re going to be better, Beline.”

A woman’s voice called Beline’s name. “Is that your mother?”

Beline nodded.

“Well, I guess you’d better run home, honey. Thank you very much for the flower, I’ll treasure it forever.” She swore, a hand over her heart.

Beline went crimson and giggled before racing off in the direction of her mother’s voice.

Mor did keep that flower, she dried it out and pressed it between the pages of her favorite novel that was always on her dresser. She was glad she had a reminder of that evening. The last peaceful and happy evening she would have for fifty years because it was very shortly after that everything went to hell.

~~~~~

Asterin grinned at Vesta, teeth sharp and bloody. Vesta grinned right back. She heard other coven members cackle behind her, and Asterin knew their grins were just as bloody.

Asterin threw her arms out with a laugh, her nails were caked with blood and dirt and who knows what else.

The Thirteen were standing in a field, ankle-deep in remains. A trickle of blood made its way down Asterin’s cheek.

Manon was picking her way through the piles of bodies toward her. 

“Gods, that was fun!” Vesta exclaimed.

Asterin spun to see the other members of the coven. Thea and Kaya were shoulder to shoulder, talking in low tones, they weren’t grinning or cackling like the others but their eyes were shining.

Ghislaine was shoving her way through the bodies and looking distastefully at the blood covering her clothes.

Faline and Fallon were crouched over a few fresher bodies and when they looked up at Asterin, their chins and teeth were coated in blood, their grins were maniacal.

Imogen was wiping the blood from her face, Linnea was picking what looked like skin from her teeth, and Briar and Edda were kicking and prodding the bodies, making sure they were dead.

Manon finally reached Asterin’s side and threw an arm over her shoulder. She licked her lips, surveying the bloody field. “This was fun, but you know we have a lot of concerns back home. My grandmother’s pissed at us for something.”

Asterin looked at her and sighed, “Yeah. But come on, Manon. Live a little! Enjoy this!” She swept her arms out wildly.

Finally, a grin broke across her face, “We did good.”

“Hell yeah, we did!”

The two of them were standing at the top of the hill together, washed in moonlight and blood, watching the coven below them.

“This one’s still alive!” Briar shrieked.

“Live a little, Manon,” Asterin repeated. Manon grinned at her then shoved away and sprinted down the hill.

That this is me trying

Mor opened the library door with her hip, holding two mugs tightly in her hands.

Feyre Archeron was sitting in an armchair that seemed to be swallowing her whole. She had her arms crossed over her stomach and ribs, hunched over painfully.

Mor made her steps louder to not completely scare the girl who looked like at the slightest disturbance she would disappear.

Feyre didn’t move at Mor’s entrance but her ears twitched and her nose flared slightly.

She felt herself smile and catch her breath, Feyre wasn’t afraid of her. She knew it was Mor and she hadn’t gotten defensive at her entrance. That was all she and Rhys wanted. They wanted her to know she could trust them.

She lowered herself into the chair next to Feyre, setting one of the mugs on the coffee table in front of her. Only after Mor had relaxed into the chair and taken a sip did Feyre straighten, just slightly, and reached with shaky, emaciated hands for the mug.

They sat in comfortable silence, snowflakes fluttering outside the window in the dark, watching the fireplace crackle and spark with life. The only light in the room.

She was determined to help this girl, even if it killed her.

~~~

Asterin hung back, watching Elide Lochan carefully.

The girl held a laundry basket against her hip, keeping her weight off her bad ankle with a skill that came with years of practice. That idea sent a jolt of protective anger through Asterin. If he didn’t get what was coming to him soon, Asterin was going to give it to him.

Elide was talking in low tones to another servant girl. After they resolved the conversation Elide smiled kindly to the girl and walked off to take her basket where it needed to be.

She was about to walk up the stairs when something made her stiffen and turn. She scanned the corridor until her eyes landed on Asterin, who was half-hidden behind a column.

Elide visibly relaxed and smiled. The look in her eyes was so uncommon to be directed at an Ironteeth witch that Asterin’s breath caught.

She was so relaxed with them, she knew she was safe with them and that was what caused a smile to bloom across her face.

Surprise flashed in little Elide’s eyes and they stood there, watching each other until, “Elide! I need that dirty laundry!”

Elide called up the stairs, “Of course, I’m coming!”

Elide nodded at Asterin, still smiling, and walked up the stairs out of sight.

It was a small moment in time, fleeting compared to the centuries Asterin had lived through and insignificant when compared to what was going to happen, but that moment stuck with her.

She was going to protect that girl, even if it killed her.

At least I’m trying

[excaliefur]

Maybe it is meant to be

Woah ok, first time writing in a l o n g time.

Don’t judge too hard I have no clue what this is. 

Also side note: Story is changing a lot I changed a lot of elements after I finished writing this so just take whatever written here as a temporary thing.

TW: Suicide thoughts, brief mention of death and death from suicide. mention of alcoholism. if there are anymore ask me to tag. 

Word: 2405

Not edited, just reread a couple times.

Cold. Cold and bitter, that was the best way he could have described it. The wind howled in his ear and slapped his face and exposed skin. It hurt,  hurt like mad, the wind felt like thousands of sharp steely knives stabbing him at 100 miles per hour. He didn’t care. Stab away, he thought. He watched the cars and trucks honking and yelling and crying at each other below him. His legs dangling carelessly off the edge. All that noise for something so menial, they’d all reach home eventually, and it didn’t matter if one car was driving too slow,  it’d pick up speed eventually. The traffic noise grew quieter as he stared up at the stars. Glittering brightly, the stars were always a constant in his life. No matter what happened, no matter how many times he had to move or change lives entirely or if he was deep in the city or far away from civilization on a farm. The stars always watched over him. 

His father left each day, nobody knew which one would be his last. His mother grew pale every time she heard of an accident on the news, he would watch as she grabbed a bottle to calm herself. He stayed up all night, listening to her soft crying as she waited with bated breath, praying that the noises she heard were his father returning home. The door opened and light spread in the living room. The door always opened. He could hear his mother run out and give a tight hug to his father. He could hear the sobbing from both ends. One day his luck will run out though, and the door won’t open again. 

Opening his eyes, he looked at his grimy hands. The nails were long and sharp, and his hands were covered in small cuts and bruises. Manual labor takes a toll on the body, especially since he was too young when he started out. Wiping his hand on his tight jeans, he let out a short laugh. What did he do to deserve this life? He had nothing but an alcoholic mother, a father who was a ticking time bomb, and the stars. He knew he was lucky to have parents at all. School was nothing but a drag, his classmates ignored him, his teachers ignored him, they all knew he wouldn’t graduate and gave up on him before he could prove himself. The loneliness was killing him. His voice scratchy from barely being used, his hair messy and long, it took too much effort and money to cut it. 

He shivered, the thin jacket he was wearing did nothing to block the wind. Sitting up, he held his legs close to him, trying to maintain a little heat. Why was he even trying? What was the purpose? He didn’t know and he didn’t care anymore. Everyone gave up on him, why didn’t he give up on himself yet? The 15 year old boy shook his head, it was too cold. The noise from the cars grew even quieter as he stared at the flashing lights and sirens. Maybe he should do it, it would end his suffering quicker, and nobody would miss him, god knows if his parents even realise he’s alive. The concrete below him looked so inviting. If he could just, push himself-

“Hey” came a voice from behind. The boy shook, not having realised a girl standing behind him, at the door of the roof. The voice was soft and caring, so different from the voice he was used to hearing. The lack of roughness and quietness calmed him. He sucked in some air before replying. “H-hey” he said, his voice nothing more than a whisper. He coughed quietly. His voice had become deeper and he didn’t even realise it. 

“Mind if I join you?” That caught him off guard. Why was she here? He stared blankly at her as she slowly stepped forward. She could see the reluctance on his face. He began to shift backwards as she got closer and she stopped. Putting her hand up she spoke “Woah, ok, I’ll stay here.” He shifted again, but just to position himself in a way to see her clearly. She had brown curls dangling down her face. She sat down slowly, she was clearly trying not to make him uncomfortable, and spoke again “Can I ask what you’re doing up here on a night like this?”

“Came to see the stars” He replied. It wasn’t a lie technically. He just needed to get out of his apartment. She nodded, and looked up. He could hear her breath hitch for a second. “Woah” she whispered, staring at the millions of tiny white lights blinking in and out of vision. “It’s- beautiful” he could hardly hear her speak. The wind still howled in their ears. “Yeah”

“Hey, look, those ones there,” She said, pointing. “They form Orion’s belt. That one’s Alnitak, next to it is Alnilam and the one on that side is Mintaka,” He scanned the sky searching for them. “They form that line, you see?” she informed, pointing at 3 bright stars, brighter than the other ones. He nodded, he could see them now. “I’ve always loved astronomy, never could see stars as clearly as I can right now though” she murmured.

They sat there, staring at the sky, in silence until she broke it again. “Can I ask why you’re up here this late?” it was another murmur, he strained his ears to hear it. He stiffened up. “Like I said, the stars” His voice cracked and his mouth went dry, she wasn’t believing it. “Is it, because of, you know the, the thing” She stuttered, clearly she was uncomfortable. He sighed. “Yeah” He whispered, pulling his knees to his chest and staring at the ground. He could feel tears threatening to fall, praying that she wouldn’t notice. Why did he even care about what she thought of him? They literally just met. 

She interrupted his stream of thoughts as she put her hand on his shoulder. The soft touch made him melt. He’d never felt like this before. “It’s not worth it, trust me please.” she whispered. He glanced up and caught a glimpse of her face. Fixed in a small frown, her hazelnut eyes stared deep into his. He felt a surge of sudden anger, who knows where it came from, certainly not him. He jerked her hand off “How would you know” he spat. Honestly, he didn’t mean it, it just came out. 

She sighed, putting her arm down and kneeling beside him. “I’ve been there, I understand.” His anger came back but more violently this time. He stood up and walked around her, to the other side of the roof. “You don’t understand my situation, you don’t understand anything about me” She stood too, a small fire in her eyes that he hadn’t seen yet. 

“I understand more than you know, and if I truly don’t get you then help me understand. I just want to help” He scoffed. How could she understand this? Who the hell was she even. “I’m serious. I don’t want to watch another life waste away for a fixable problem.” Another? She couldn’t have been more than 15 though. “Have you-” He was cut off. “My brother”. Her voice was sharp, startling him. He softly mouthed a small “oh” She sighed again, turning and walking to sit beside a vent. He stood for a second, before choosing to sit next to her. 

“I’m sorry” he whispered. This was his first conversation with someone his age for a long time and he went and messed it up again. “It’s fine, It was a long time ago and I’ve come to terms with it. I just, don’t want to see anyone go through it again. It hurts people more than you know” She said. He nodded. They sat in silence again, for a few seconds. Till he broke the silence for the first time. 

“Right, we’ve been talking for a long time and I don’t even know your name, what is it?” The bluntness kind of shocked her. He felt like a kid again and blushed, hoping she didn't notice. “Well, I suppose I could ask you the same question.” oh so she was avoiding it, who was this girl? He shook his head tiredly, he couldn’t give her his name, not when he bore a big title with it. Even without the words she seemed to understand as she nodded. 

“Well I can’t just call you roofboy.” she said, he laughed softly “And I can’t just call you stargirl.” he replied. “Touché’. They sat silently with bated breaths, until she giggled softly. He smiled and put his head down, afraid of being seen. Her giggle grew into a laugh which fueled his laugh which fueled her laugh until they were both red and holding their stomachs from pain. It was nice, nice to have laughed so freely and truly, after so long. 

“Well then roofboy, how about we get a name for you?” she said, in a lighthearted tone. He laughed and stood, holding his hand out for her to stand. As she grabbed it and stood he replied, matching her singsong tone “Ok then stargirl, do you have an idea?” She gazed up again, he could almost hear her thinking. 

“I do actually” she replied, softer and more serious this time. “How about, Sirius,” she asked. Sirius, Sirius. That, sounded really nice. It just, fit. He didn’t know how to explain it, it just felt right. Taking his silence as displeasure she stammered “I mean if you don’t like it we can think of another one-” He placed his hand on her shoulder. His eyes locked in with her, and for the first time he could see the fire in her eyes, her willingness to never give up. “I love it”

She sighed, and her shoulders dropped as her mouth curved into a slight smile. “That's good.” For the first time, the boy, Sirius, truly smiled at her. 

“Wait wait wait, we’re not done just yet. I need to think of a name for you first.” He reminded her playfully. She laughed and beckoned for him to continue. His smile dropped into a small frown as he thought. 

His thoughts drifted, from the stars and the moon to the sun and all above. All of it just reminded him of greek mythology. Oh how he loved greek mythology. He spent hours of his youth poring over books and stories and tales in the library. That's it, greek mythology. “How about, Artemis?” he suggested. Her eyes lit up and he could see a small blush on her face which she tried to hide. 

“That's perfect. Thank you” she replied after a moment. Sirius smirked. “No need to thank me, m’lady” he said, exaggerating an accent and bowing before her. “Oh shut up Sirius” She laughed at him, and smacked him slightly. He stood before her again, they were both around the same height, not much of a surprise as Sirius wasn’t a very tall boy. He rubbed his neck awkwardly, as she blushed again. 

“Hey Artemis, It’s nice to meet you.” He said. “It’s nice to meet you too, Sirius” she replied. The honking of the cars below and the bitter wind long forgotten, as they smiled at each other. 

Artemis jumped. “Oh no, what time is it? I’ve probably got to go home soon before my mother notices I’m gone” Sirius frowned. He glanced at the tiny watch he hand strapped around his right hand and raised his eyebrow. “It’s almost midnight woah” he said. 

Artemis gasped “Oh no, she surely noticed by now, I need to go.” Her voice was strong, but Sirius could hear the worry creeping in. She raced towards the door and opened it, the fluorescent lights blinding them momentarily. “Wait before you go- will I see you again?” He asked, speaking without thinking. What kind of question was that? So stupid and cringey he hated it. “If fate allows for it I’ll be here again soon.” she responded. That was an oddly poetic response. He hadn’t expected that. 

She turned to walk down the steps but just before she closed the door she stopped. Opening it up again she asked “Can I ask you something really quick?”

That caught Sirius off guard. “Uh sure, go ahead” he said, not really sure of what was happening. “Why Artemis?” she murmured. “Why did you pick artemis for me?” she clarified.

“Uh, it just, fits, it fits for you.” He replied. What was he supposed to say? That’s just it, it just seemed perfect for her. She nodded, lost in thought. “Yeah, yeah I understand. Thanks.” She said as she began to close the door again. That question actually made him think. Why did she choose Sirius for him? She didn’t seem much like a Harry Potter fan. “Wait- why did you think of Sirius for me?” She paused. Walking back out onto the roof she stared straight up, searching for something. Probably a star. When she found it she beckoned him over. 

Following her outstretched arm, he caught sight of a star, it was tiny, one of the smallest one he could see, but it was incredibly bright. “That star there is called Sirius. I thought it fit for you, because no matter how small or insignificant it seems, it's the brightest star we can see. Nothing will ever compare to it.” she murmured to him. Woah. Ok. This girl is definitely a poet. He stared at it, Sirius huh. Brightest huh. She turned around and walked out. Just before she left she turned to him and smiled. “Until next time. See you soon” and she shut the door. 

Staring at the spot she was standing in he muttered a few words he hadn’t said in a long time. “Goodnight, goodnight, Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.” 

He sighed. Staring back up to the sky. Who was this girl that made him feel like this. Taking one final look at it all, the roof, the traffic below and the stars above, he smiled to himself again, and turned back to his house, back to his prison. However this time it felt a little more free.

_______________________________________________________

Welp that was something

[yeontanismypresident]

Our One and Only | 05

Word Count: 2,827

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: Talk of past abuse, blood, (past) suicidal thoughts, alcohol, bullying, swearing, violence, I apologize if  I’m missing anything

Pairing: OT7 x Reader 

Summary: The members didn’t think they could be any more content than they were at the moment. They were getting to become known worldwide and have inspired a significant amount of other hybrids to follow their aspirations. However, when Y/n strolled into the room, they realized they could turn out to be quite a lot more satisfied.

If you’d like to be tagged, comment below <3

Chapter Five 

You led the way to your apartment, the boys following you close behind. You could tell they were excited to see your place just by their excited chatter. It was a short walk back to your apartment and it was filled with jokes and laughter. Taking out your key, you hesitated before opening your front door. The seven hybrids stood behind you and anxiously shifted as their noses picked up multiple scents. The three strongest being you, Yuna, and Hyuk. When your boyfriend's scent hit their noses, they growled low in their chests. You looked at them confusedly, not being able to pick up on what was aggravating them. 

"Is everything okay?" you quietly asked them as you walked inside, they followed you in, Yoongi closing the door gently behind him. Hoseok gave you a bright smile, talking loudly to try and cover up the continuing growls, "Yeah, we're all fine. You have a lovely place!" You returned his smile and chuckled, "I haven't even given you a tour yet, but thank you." It seemed as though the idea of a tour made them calm down and forget their anger. Swaying from side to side, you awkwardly looked at each of them, "So, uh, would you guys like that tour..?" The three youngest all nodded, their tails wagging, grins overtaking their faces.

“Obviously this is the living room, then if you go through this door we’ll be in the kitchen,” you moved your arms around awkwardly, allowing them to look around. Walking out of the kitchen, you led them down the hallway, “The door on the left is the bathroom, and this here, is my bedroom.”

They trailed behind you, eagerly looking around the small bedroom. On the walls, there were pictures of you and your friends. The bed was in the middle, with a side table on each side. There was a tidy desk against the wall, lots of nick knacks on it. Unbeknownst to you, they were all scenting the room, trying to get rid of his scent. Even though you wouldn’t be able to tell, it still made them feel more comfortable knowing there wouldn’t be a trace of him anymore.

“Why don’t we go into the living room and watch some TV?” you asked them, already on your way out of the bedroom door. Settling on the couches, you turned on the TV to a random channel, knowing no one was really going to be paying attention. As you suspected, they all started up different conversations. They all looked like they were at home, and the thought made you feel peaceful.

You took this time to actually look at them, to study them. Looking at Jungkook as he messed around with Taehyung and Jimin, you watch as a smile, kind of resembling a bunny, graced his face, his nose twitching. Jimin stole your attention with his giggles, his eyes scrunching up. If it weren't for the cat ears and tail, you'd say he was a dog hybrid by how energetic he was. Switching your gaze to Taehyung, you watched as his tail starts wagging fast, bouncing up and down on the couch. "What kind of music do you like to listen to Y/n-ah?" Jin's voice shook you out of your silent thoughts. You fixed your gaze on the four men sat on the couch across from you, “Uhh, I like all types really. My favorite is pop and hip hop though. It's really fun to dance to." They all nodded, but Hoseok looked to be the happiest. "You like to dance?!" he questioned, a heart shape smile on his face. You gave out a genuine laugh and shook your head, "More so for fun, nothing serious," you tilted your head and add on, "actually, I'm really bad at dancing." "I'm sure you're better than Namjoon Hyung," Hoseok reassured you, teasing Namjoon as well, earning him an offended 'Yah!' Hoseok just laughed, getting up and going over to where the three Maknaes were now looking at your gaming system. "Y/n-ah, can we play some games?" Taehyung asked you as all three of them pouted at you, and you couldn't say no to them, "Sure! Just be careful with it." They all whooped and hollered, turning it on and picking out a game.

Turning away from them, you saw Jin and Namjoon whispering to each other. Not wanting to intrude on their privacy, you looked around the room. Your eyes met with Yoongi's, his eyes holding some sadness and guilt, so you motioned for him to follow you into the kitchen. Standing up from his seat, he grabbed your outstretched hand, holding it tightly and allowing you to tug him along. Sitting down at the table, you kept your hold on his hand. "Yoongi, are you okay?" you asked him, voice gentle and calming. He stared at you, not wanting to seem weak and vulnerable in front of you, but you could see right through him, "You can tell me, I won't judge you Yoongi-ah." He took a deep breath and put his head down, hiding his face from you, "I...I feel like it's my fault that you didn't want to be friends with us," he paused for a minute, trying not to cry. Once he was sure he wouldn't start sobbing, he looked up, tears in his eyes, "I didn't mean to scare you when we met. I just, I just don't like when people touch my ears bec-" "Hey, hey, hey. you don't need to tell me why Yoongi. I understand," you softly stated, not wanting him to feel like he had to tell you.

He sniffled and shook his head, "No, I want to tell you. Growing up, I was never in a good place. My parents died when I was six. From then until I was seventeen I kept going from one home to another. Not all of them were kind to the hybrids though..." Yoongi's eyes glazed over, thinking of all the terrible things he had to go through, one in particular....

Flashback

He was only twelve at the time and staying a run down foster home. He should have been outside, playing with all the other kids, but he wasn't normal like them. No, he was a hybrid, a black panther more specifically. Everyone thought he was dangerous, didn't want to get too close to him in case he tried to hurt them. Even all the other hybrids were terrified of him. So it was a shock when he was approached by four hybrids. A monkey hybrid named Jung-woo, a bear hybrid named Chul, a German shepherd hybrid named Dae-hyun, and lastly a pit-bull hybrid named Hee-joon. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the sad and pathetic, excuse of a hybrid," Chul spat at him, causing Yoongi to flinch, shrinking in on himself. Seeing him ignore them angered Dae-hyun, "Yah! Look at us when we're talking to you!" Not wanting to create any trouble, Yoongi continued to ignore them, keeping his eyes downcast. It was when Jung-woo pushed him off of the bed that he finally looked up at the bullies. He kept his face blank, getting up off the floor, going to sit back down in his original seat. Before he could do so, Hee-joon pushed him towards Chul. Yoongi stumbled into him and before he could find his balance, Chul pushed him towards Dae-hyun. This continued on for a few minutes, all the while the bullies were laughing at Yoongi. They finally let Yoongi fall to the floor, not once stopping their laughter. Only when Yoongi jumped up, with tears cascading down his cheeks and a sneer transfixed on his face, that they quieted down. They'd never seen the panther hybrid look so enraged. He was always on the quieter side, never making a sound, hiding himself away in his room, away from everyone else, but it seemed as though he had finally met his breaking point.   It was silent, the only noises in the room being Yoongi’s heavy panting. His tail swayed angrily in the air, his hackles raised. He slowly stalked towards three cowering hybrids, threatening growls leaving his lips. "Awh you think you're so big and bad don't you..kitty?" Jung-woo, who seemed to be the only one not scared, taunted Yoongi. Although, that all changed when Yoongi lunged at him, pinning him down to the floor. Yoongi started throwing punches, wanting to hurt Jung-woo as much as he had him. The other hybrids in the room started to scream. Dae-hyun ran to get one of the foster parents, while Chul and Hee-joon tried to pull him off of Jung-woo. Despite all their attempts, they couldn't get him off, only getting bruises and scratches of their own. It was as if Yoongi was being possessed. Yoongi didn't even notice he was being pulled off of the battered Jung-woo, just kept swinging and kicking the air. "Enough!!" their foster mom, Nari, shouted while carrying Yoongi down the stairs and to the basement. He finally calmed down, and once he realized where she was taking him, he started to shake and cry. When they got down there, she put him in the middle of the room before undressing him down to his boxers. He kept repeating 'no, no, no' and tried to run back up to the main floor, but had no luck as it was locked. Their "father" figure, if you could even call him that, walked towards the young hybrid slowly, a belt in one hand and a bottle of soju in the other. Yoongi whimpered and curled in on himself, wishing he could just disappear. He knew what was coming. Every hybrid and human who misbehaved in any way was brought down here to be taught their lesson. He's been brought down here countless times, even has the scars to prove it. He was quiet and only flinched for the first few hits of the belt, biting his bottom lip, used to the pain. It was after he had been hit for five minutes straight that he finally made a sound. He whined and cried, trying to back away from the harsh belt. The man abusing him got tired of just using the belt, so he downed the rest of his soju, breaking the bottle over Yoongi's head and then proceeded to cut his legs. Yoongi screamed, giving up on trying to be strong. Blood gushing from the cut on his forehead, and he started to feel lightheaded. "Shut the fuck up!!" the man yelled when Yoongi started screaming for his mom. He left the hybrid on the floor to walk over to the table holding all of his "toys." Grabbing the duct tape and rope, he returned to Yoongi, duct taping his mouth and tying his hands behind his back. The room was sound proofed, but his screams were starting to annoy him. He leaned down and menacingly said, "Hope you're ready for a long night cat." And all Yoongi could do was endure the hits. Two hours into his punishment, Yoongi's eyes slipped closed as he lost consciousness, wishing he wouldn't wake up he next day.

End flashback

"And that's why I don't like when people touch me without asking," Yoongi sobbed uncontrollably, and you pulled him into your arms, tears of your own falling down your cheeks. "Oh Yoongi, I'm so sorry! I didn't know. You didn't deserve to go through that," your voice wavered, pulling him tighter into your chest. The guys had all walked in halfway through Yoongi's explanation, their noses picking up on the change in your hormones and smelling the salty tears. Glancing at them, you saw them crying, looking like they wanted to comfort their brother. Once you gave them the go ahead, they all rushed over and brought the two of you into a big group hug. Eventually everyone pulled away, and you cradled Yoongi's face in between your tiny hands, "Yoongs, I want you to know that I'm here for you, and I'd do anything to go back in time and to make sure you didn't have to go through that." He gave you a gummy grin, wrapping his tail around your wrist. You decided right then and there, that you like seeing him with a smile, and you'd do anything for it to stay.

"Jimmie stop!" you giggled, trying to escape the calico hybrid who was torturing you with his tickles. Hearing the front door unlock and open caused you to freeze in your spot. You tried to push Jimin off of you, but he wouldn't budge, too busy trying to hear more of your laughter. The others, who had also heard what you heard, tried to help you get Jimin off, "Jimin-ah! Get off her!" Before you guys could fully get him off of you, a throat clearing was heard. Everyone froze in their spots and slowly turned their heads. Letting out a breath of relief, you relaxed your tense muscles. It was only Jisoo, your best friend and coworker. "Well, well, well. what do we have here? Am I interrupting something? I can go..." Jisoo trailed off and smirked as she saw Jimin was still sitting on you. You quickly sat up, shoving Jimin off in the process, "No! Nothings happening! He was just trying to tickle me and you know how much I hate being tickled!" "Y/n, calm down. I was just joking, but didn't Hyuk tell you to get rid of any contact with them?" Jisoo asked you curiously. You could hear the confusion in Jisoo's voice and before you could answer her, Jungkook beat you to it, "Wait. So you do want to be friends with us! It was just your asshole of a boyfriend who made you text us that!" He was growling by the time he finished his sentence. You opened your mouth, about ready to defend your boyfriend, but Jungkook continued on, "See this is why you shouldn't be with him. He's already controlling who you're friends with. Next thing you know he's controlling everything you do!" It seemed as though his growls would never cease and it would be a lie if you said you weren't slightly scared. It was Yoongi who calmed him down, seeing you flinch away from the younger hybrid, "Jungkook-ah that's enough. You're scaring her." The thought of causing you any pain or fear broke Jungkook’s heart.

"I-I didn't mean to scare you Y/n-ah!" Jungkook tried to get closer to you but whimpered when you, once again, flinched away from him. Not wanting him to feel guilty, you frantically tried to make things right, "No! it's fine Kookie. I'm just not a big fan on the growling is all.." you trailed off, not knowing what else to say. There was an awkward silence before Jisoo broke it, "So, uh, I stopped by to see if you were still coming with Minho and I to dinner on Wednesday night?" "Yeah, Hyuk and I will be there!" you answered her, shifting from one foot to the other. Seokjin looked towards your friend, and politely said, "There's this really nice restaurant over by the movie theater. It's brand new too." Namjoon, having picked up on what his fellow band mate was planning, also spoke up, "You guys should check it out, I heard it's really nice." "Actually that's not a bad idea!" Jisoo exclaimed. She then turned towards you and gave you a smile before continuing, "I'll make reservations and meet you guys there. Bye Y/n! Tell Hyuk I said hello when he gets back!" Before you could utter a response, she left your apartment, leaving you with the bts members. You opened and closed your mouth, before stuttering out a sentence, "Um, uh, I think you guys should leave. It's getting pretty late and I have to work early tomorrow." Nodding and humming their agreements, they each gave you a kiss on the cheek, no doubt making you turn a bright red, and made their way to your front door. After waving them a goodbye, you shut and locked your door. You leaned your back on it and took a few deep breaths, trying to clear your mind and calm your racing heart down. So much has happened in the last few days. First, Hyuk gets in a fight with Jungkook. Second, you get in a fight with your boyfriend, resulting in you trying to push away the seven hybrids. Third, you become friends with said hybrids again. Standing up straight, you gave a deep sigh and made your way to your bathroom. A nice, long, relaxing bubble bath should help you rid yourself of all this stress. You had no clue what you were gonna do when Hyuk came back though. You knew he would be furious if he found out you had not only invited, but also made up with the bts guys. What to do... what to do…

@child-ofthe-moon-and-leaves, @chari-a, @cjisluckycharm, @huhuehuey, @childfmoonn, @goldenkookss, @jiminsreina, @i-am-canada-13, @eilowyneleyne, @2seokkyo, @lokathefemale, @raja-in-demigodishness, @shelley-hennig14, @theshiningmoonsblog, @agoddesswithablade, @the-argus-eyed, @btsstan4life, @jinniepeachxo, @purpleheartsfortae, @nari2220, @k00kjals, @yasbts705, @moxxie84, @breadcaaat, @kpopgirlbtssvt, @kamibyul, @minyoongi-infiresme, @shaelin444, @acadevintage, @theashofwkm, @row-row-row-your-fandoms, @peachesandcreamsthings, @dinorahrodriguez, @morgsstudies-blog, @feed-my-geek-soul, @elazarofir, @lsuzi, @xsmilebitesx, @miraisnotavailable, @vannilacake, @omgsuperstarg, @danithearmy, @galaxy-gamer-girl, @vincent-stargogh, @im-emo-motherfuckers, @aijoukook, @stargazingmoonchild, @tzuyyyuuu, @heart-of-shadows-and-starlight, @starrliter, @livelifewondering, @valiantcollectorofsandwiches, @yoongisdumplingcheeks, @ahslde, @king-of-the-rain-and-wolves, @drarialynn, @marvelobsession2point0, @i-am-bisexual-and-a-girl, @mermaidchick22, @sweetkpopfan

[argyleandjonathansmokingajoint]

My Boy Keeps Me Strong

Pairing: Byeler/Byler

Words: 4k (a little more but close enough)

Summary: Will and Mike have been through more than they ever should've together, but nothing feels as scary as coming out to their best friends does. Then, when it all goes south, they're left to pick up the pieces of each other again. But all their years of friendship can't just really be over like that, can it?

Warning: Uh, slurs, homophobia, and cussing.. The homophobia is sorta resolved though?

Author’s Note: This just came together through my venting, basically. So, I hope you enjoy! I just love them so much. (Btw, in a perfect world, none of the party members would be homophobic and I usually like to headcanon them as such, but I'm very gay and I was just feeling some type of way, sorry..) Happy ending though, I swear! You can find it on my AO3 here.

“Hey guys, guys! Um, so We had something we wanted to tell you.” The party were currently all splayed out around the Basement in the Wheeler residence, as per usual. Mike’s comment had drawn their attention though, so everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to face the taller teen and Will, whom they assumed he must also be talking about, since he was standing beside him.

“Okay, Mike! It looks like you boys have the floor!” Dustin yelled, earning some light jeering and laughs from the teens.

Will could feel his palms growing sweaty. He was more nervous to do this than he’d ever been to do anything probably. Mike looked over at him, knocking into his arm and smiling to reassure him, although his own nerves were no better.

El, seeming to sense the emotions from the two boys, brought silence to the room so that they could continue, and so, continue they did.

“Uh, yeah so anyway, gonna try to keep this kinda short, I guess.” Mike’s voice wavered and there were a few laughs around the room, but nothing else, so he continued. “So, where to start?” He looked at Will, and the boy gave an encouraging smile, so Mike took a breath and just went for it. “We’re gay and we’re dating!” It came out in a rush, and for a second, he wasn’t even sure if he had said it at all, but then after a couple of beats of silence, silence he would come to wish he could have back, all hell suddenly broke loose.

“What!” Lucas jumped up from his chair and Max was off of the floor beside him, not a second later, grabbing his arm, as if she thought he might hit one of them. Honestly, Mike was kind of thinking the same thing.

“Wait, since when?!” Dustin looked more than a little freaked that two of his best friends suddenly happened to be homos.

“I don’t understand. Is this bad?” This one little question from El gave them a brief glimmer of hope amongst all of the shit that was starting to pile onto them right now.

“I-I” Will couldn’t even seem to form any words, but it didn’t matter to the group because apparently, Lucas had plenty to say, or more specifically, just one thing to say.

“No, I-I just can’t, okay? Jesus, I can’t even look at you!” And that was that from them because then they were storming out and dragging El away as she looked back with confusion in her eyes.

Well, they were kind of confused too, to tell the truth. Their best friends since childhood had just had one of the worst possible reactions imaginable to their coming out, and the worst thing of all? Neither of them had even imagined this scenario taking place at all. They were so sure, so confident in their friends’ love, loyalty, and bond that they hadn’t even questioned it. Well, that had royally screwed them this time, hadn’t it?

“I-I just stood there. I can’t believe I just stood there.” Mike was looking at the floor, his face in complete shock.

“I was no better, Mike. I couldn’t even make a case for us.” He registered the words as he said them. He shouldn’t have to make any case, right? What were they doing, feeling guilty? Will looked down at his hands and realized that he was shaking. He eyes then landed on Mike to see that he, on the other hand, looked almost numb from the experience they had just gone through. Will placed his hands around him and delicately wrapped his arms around him, waiting for Mike to lean into it. Mike’s head immediately curled into Will’s neck and his cheek landed on his shoulder. Even though he was a tall guy, Mike loved his comfort positions and Will secretly loved him all the more for it. It hurt to see him like this though. Will just wanted everything to be okay. He wanted their friends back, and he almost wished they could take back their most well-guarded secret. But looking at Mike, he thought, almost, but not quite, with a warm feeling in his heart.

“Those fucking bastards! I mean, honestly, screw those guys! Ya know, baby? who needs ‘em anyway, huh?” Mike huffed out a ragged breath and looked behind him as if the party members would still be standing there. “Bunch of lousy “so called” friends.” As he said it, he put in air quotes and the disgust was clear, then his shoulders slumped and he wrapped his arms around the shorter boy in front of him and pressed his forehead into Will’s own, closing his eyes tightly. This conversation had been going on for awhile now. Maybe around three hours already. But Mike was fired up and Will was exhausted, and they were both feeling extremely let down about the whole thing, not to mention just hurt and betrayed by the rest of the Party.

“Hey, hey now. You don’t mean that.” The voice in which Will used was gentle, trying to soothe the aching pain his boyfriend was feeling, even as his own heart still smarted from the rejection of their friends. Were they still friends? They’d been through something akin to hell and back together. Was this really the driving force that was going to rip them apart?

“Will, I really, really fucking do. Those assholes! I’m through with the whole lot of ‘em! They think they can just go around and say anything and it won’t matter? Well, it f-fucking matters to me, damnit!” Mike’s entire body was shaking, even his hands were trembling, and he was breathing heavily from his outburst. After catching his breath and seeming to compose himself a bit, he spoke up again. “Doesn’t it mean anything to you?” His voice was much quieter now, almost a whisper even.

“Of course, it does! Of course.”

“Yeah, yeah. Alright.” His boyfriend started nodding and then grabbed him by the hips, pulling him closer. Will held his hands that were gripping him and linked their fingers together, giving him a smile. This must be a good sign. Everything was going to be okay. Then Mike began to speak again. “L-let’s just go somewhere together. Somewhere far, far away from here.”

Will’s look turned to one of confusion. “What? Where?”

“I don’t know! As fucking, far away as we can stand! Let’s just go, please, please, Will.” The anger and hurt were clear in both his voice and face, but more than that, there was that deep-rooted fear they both shared. He was scared, probably more than he had been when they’d faced the demogorgan, or the mind flayer, or the flayed. Any of the upside down’s tricks, but homophobia had that beat by a thousand miles or more. Will could understand, now knowing why Mike was acting the way he was. It made sense. But even though he got it, Mike was what made Will strong, so even though, yeah Will was scared, he’d face just about anything if he had Mike by his side, whether that be interdimensional, portal hopping demon or your everyday, old-fashioned homophobia.

“Mike, sweetie.” The tone he used carried a slight pleading tone to it. “I know you’re hurt, and I get it. Like I actually do, more than I did earlier. I know it’s scary when you’re like… us, but I’m not scared. Do you know why?”

Mike’s head was facing downward, his shoulders shaking slightly. Will could see a teardrop fall from the corner of his nose and he brushed it away. Mike shook his head, a sign for Will to continue talking. “Because I’m never scared when I’m with you. Not really. You give me the strength to be brave, and if you really wanna leave all this? If you just want to pack up and go, leave everyone behind? Our families, friends, everything we’ve ever known… I’ll go.” Mike’s head lifted when Will said this, the shock in his face clear. His tear stained face was blotchy and red, and Will couldn’t help but smile softly at his boyfriend, reaching his hand up and cupping his face. “I won’t lie, I might be scared. But I’ll go, and I know we’ll be okay because, at least we’ll be together.”

A breath left Mike’s chest in a whoosh when he heard Will’s heartfelt confession. It might as well have been a love poem and a dozen roses for the way it made his heart feel. “You stupid, I love you so much!” Mike dragged him into a hug, and if it weren’t for the loud sobs wracking his body, Will wouldn’t know he was crying at all.

“I love you too, you big baby.”

_____

Will was a little drunk and more than a lot pissed when he found out the party members were hanging out down by the quarry without Mike and him, so maybe he decided to do something a little bit stupid and a whole lot brave about it. He was going to go out there and confront those dicks and tell them just exactly how much it pissed him off.

But, safety first! A drunk person should never operate an automated vehicle. Or, something like that. No, Will forgoes his brother’s hand-me-down car and grabs up his bike that’s a couple sizes too small by now and hops on, pedaling down to the quarry as fast and as steady as his drunk legs will carry him. The bike’s still in pretty good condition since he uses it sometimes to go riding with Mike or the rest of the party. Well, they used to. The memory stings, urging Will on faster and he ignores his aching legs in favor of pedaling harder.

When he finally reaches the quarry’s edge, he sees them all out there, laughing and having a good ‘ol time. It makes him so angry that he throws down his bike as he gracelessly gets off. He might’ve regretted that if he were sober, but as it stands, he couldn’t care less. Will stumbles down to where the party are sitting, and they look up as they hear someone approaching.

“Will?” El is the first to say anything. She sounds surprised but pleased to see him. Will doesn’t even care anymore. He’s through giving chances, playing at Mr. nice guy.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Mike?” It’s Dustin this time. He doesn’t sound too off put, but not too thrilled either. Yeah, Will’s not surprised with the show he put on the last time they saw each other at Mike’s.

Will scoffs. “Do you really care? Let me guess. You wanna make sure he’s not in the bushes, with like b-binoculars or something, creeping on you? Huh? Is that i-it?” He lets out a noise that is supposed to be a sound of disbelief, but really just sounds like a poorly done fart sound.

“Uh, are you drunk?” Max looks worried, after all the time is only around four or five in the afternoon, so her worry isn’t for nothing. However, Will doesn’t even register her, too lost in his own emotions and drunkenness to even hear the sound of her voice.

“You know what, fuck you guys! Okay, Mike was right. You don’t even deserve to have us as friends. W-we put so much trust in you that we actually, stupidly thought you might- I don’t know, not care who we love, or who we sleep with!!” Will’s voice cracked over the last bit and he could feel the sting of hot tears in his eyes, but he tried his best to hold them in. He couldn’t, wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing him break down. “You bastards think it’s easy?! I’m a walking fucking poster for the Aids epidemic! Damnit, you have no idea, none, what mike and I go through every day. Even if I wasn’t gay, I run the risk of being killed or beaten in an alley because I “look too fucking queer”, and that’s something someone told me once before he punched me in the face, so take your sorry excuses or non-excuses for why you can’t be friends with the two fags and shove it.” If he wasn’t crying before then he definitely was now. Great, heaving sobs suddenly filled his chest and he collapsed in on himself. He wanted Mike. They didn’t get it, no one did, only Mike. Mike was the only one that ever did. Will was genuinely weeping, huge gasps leaving his body and an onslaught of new sobs taking over. It felt as if he were mourning some great loss and, in some way, he was.

He looked up at the sudden feeling of arms surrounding him, and for a moment he thought that maybe he’d imagined the whole thing and he was actually with Mike right now or just dreaming. But when he looked up, it wasn’t into the smiling face of Mike, it was into the concerned faces of El and Max, with Dustin sitting in front of him, looking equally as concerned. Lucas was a bit further away, but still near and all of them wore matching expressions of shame and guilt of varying degrees.

Dustin’s voice startled Will out of his thoughts. “I-I’m sorry, Will. We shouldn’t have treated you like that. I mean, I don’t really get it, I guess, but that’s no reason for me to treat you differently. Besides, you’ve always fought so hard for me, for all of us, and I know you always will. So, I’ll do the same for you. I love you, buddy.”

“But, even though we’re gay?” Will’s not sure what the question is, but the others seem to understand well enough and rush ahead to reassure him.

“Hell yeah, I mean it. I’m like, all in now!” Dustin smiles a big, goofy grin, that almost makes Will want to smile himself.

“Yeah, dude! Besides, I’m from California. I mean, this kind of thing is nothing new around there, so I’ve seen it plenty.” Max places a comforting hand on his back and this time, Will does smile.

“Really?” Dustin actually sounds a little interested, but Will can’t tell if it’s real or for his benefit. Either way, it’s appreciated.

“Wow, so you’ve seen people like Mike and me lots?” Will can’t help himself. He’s never been able to share this side of himself or ask questions with anyone else but Mike, so this is a pretty nice feeling.

“Oh sure! Tons! They’re just normal people after all, but some you can just- tell. It’s really cool though, actually. There’s a lot in, like San Francisco, I heard my dad say once, and even New York has a lot. I guess because it’s such a big city and nobody cares what anybody else is doing, I don’t know.”

Will’s cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling. “Woah, you actually know a surprising amount.”

“Yeah, you pick up some things living in the big city.” Max just grins back at him and pats his back.

“Will?” El speaks for the first time since he first arrived at the quarry. He nods to let her know that he’s listening. “I’m happy that you’re happy again, but I don’t understand why you and Mike were sad? Is gay good or is gay bad? I don’t know.”

Will lets out a small sigh. He really doesn’t know how he feels about having this conversation with El in front of everyone. Or at all. Everyone said they were okay with it now, well, everyone except Lucas, who hasn’t even spoken yet. He might as well get it over with, though. It’s what he came out here for, after all.

“Well, it depends on who you talk to, really. Some people hate it, hate everything about it. But there are some people that just think it shouldn’t matter if you’re a boy and love a boy or a girl and love a girl or even whatever else there might be out there. They say that love is just love and that’s that. Well, that’s what I think. Mike, too. Um, so yeah.” He looked down after finishing, feeling suddenly bashful. Maybe the alcohol was wearing off.

“El, it doesn’t matter who you choose to love. It’s just love, and that’s a beautiful thing. You know that, right?” Everyone looked over to the one that had spoken. There, staring back was Lucas. It was the first time he had spoken since Will had arrived at the quarry and everyone was more than a little shocked by the words coming out of his mouth. The other party members, excluding Mike and Will, had personally heard Lucas go on more than one rant about having queers in the group for so long and not even knowing about it. Now he was speaking again though. “I mean, isn’t that true, El?” Her nod was enough of an answer for Lucas to continue.

“I’m sorry, Will. Everything you said today just made me think and… I was a real asshole. I love you no matter what.”

Will looked at him for a long moment, as if considering, then shook his head wryly. “I-I love you too, but you guys should really be apologizing to Mike.”

Lucas nodded firmly in agreement, his aura radiating determination. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

_____

The soft melodic voices of the band, Chicago were playing in the background, softly droning on. Just say you’ll love me for the rest of your life. I gotta lot of love and I don’t want to let go. Huh. It was just Mike’s luck that the radio would be playing something that only made him think more about his problems, instead of taking his mind off of them. That’s how it usually went, wasn’t it? He was still so scared and hurt by how everything had happened with the party the other day, but more than that, he was worried he’d overstepped things with Will. Maybe he’d gone too far, said too much, and now he’d ruined everything. As the next song popped on, one he didn’t recognize, he heard feet coming down the stairs.

A lot of feet come to think of it, and he hadn’t actually heard that sound in over a week. Mike turned his head towards the sound, where one by one his boyfriend and each of his friends, or ex friends, he wasn’t exactly sure, came around the corner and stopped a few feet away from him.

He blinked a couple of times and then looked at Will, as if to say, um what’s going on here, and then that’s precisely what he did say. “Will, what’s going on? What are they doing here?” He couldn’t keep the bitter edge out of his voice, even as it was clouded by confusion.

“Uh, well they wanted to talk to you.” He could see that Mike was about to interject, and it didn’t look like he had anything nice to say so Will quickly continued before he could put in any words of his own. “Hold on, before you say anything. I already talked to them, okay? And I know this doesn’t fix everything-”

“You’re damn right, it doesn’t!” Mike was on his feet now, looking almost ready for a fight. “I don’t care what you guys think, okay-”

“Sweetie, don’t-”

“No, Will! Are you forgetting what those assholes said to us?! How they treated us?” At this, Will looked down at the floor. He hadn’t forgotten, of course. And sure, it still hurt. But he knew that they meant it when they said they were sorry. “Cause I-I haven’t forgotten.”

“You’re right.” Everyone turned their heads to Will in surprise. “What they said hurt and I can’t just forget that kind of pain, but Mike, look at me.” He walked over to his boyfriend and tipped his chin so it was facing his own face. “They apologized to me, and they meant it. I know they did. So, just give them the chance to do the same to you before you make your choice. Please?” A small smile painted his lips when he saw Mike nod his assent.

The taller teen turned his attention to the rest of the party, who had been looking on in fascination and awe as they watched Will coax Mike into talking with them. Now they seemed to straighten up at having his attention on them.

“Well, talk then.” Mike growled out, clearly impatient and in no mood to be doing this at all.

It struck Max that he was only doing it for Will in the first place, and what a wonderful thing their relationship must actually be. To show that much restraint, clearly uncomfortable and looking ready to crawl out of his own skin. But he stayed, for Will. He didn’t turn them away, for Will. She caught Mike’s eyes and noticed the way his gaze shifted quickly away from hers. Max shook herself out of all of her other thoughts. All she really wanted to do was let him know that she didn’t see him any differently.

“I’m sorry, Mike. I should’ve said something when you guys told us, but I was scared and I thou- well, yeah. I guess, I was just too scared.” Mike kept quiet and looked off to the side. It might seem to ruse to someone else, but Max saw it for what it was. The boy was afraid. She noticed he was clutching Will’s hand, tightly, so she just continued speaking, her tone earnest and soft. “I want you to know that I don’t think of you guys differently, at all.” Mike’s head jerked up to hers at this. “It’s like I told Will, growing up in California, you see gay people all the time. I’m used to all kinds of different people there- I mean, n-not that you guys are different! It’s just not something that everybody l-likes, I guess. I mean- sorry.” She trailed off in a whisper, sighing. Somehow, she had the feeling like she had made things worse, but when she looked at Mike’s face it didn’t look like she had. He had that same wide-eyed look on his face that Will had when she had told him about California and New York.

El patted Max’s arm like she was trying to make her feel better, before she looked at Will and Mike. “Will told me about gay and what it means, so now I know. I’m sorry I didn’t before, Mike. I don’t understand why we dated if you don’t like girls, but you can tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

Mike’s face paled and the group could see Will squeeze his palm. Then Mike said, in a barely there voice, “O-okay.”

El nodded and smiled. “Okay. I’m always here for both of you. Promise.” Everyone felt themselves relax a little when Mike gave her a small grin.

Surprisingly, Lucas was the next to speak up. “Mike. I’ll just get right to it. I know I said some shit things.” Mike let out a snort, but otherwise kept silent, allowing the other teen to continue. “I was a total ass, okay?! And, and I’m just so sorry, man!” Mike was shocked, not by the words, but because Lucas was crying. It’s not that he’d never seen him cry, but it must’ve been a few years at least.

“W-wait, you’re serious right now? This isn’t a joke, right?” Mike was wary, but hopeful. He stepped up to his friend, who suddenly rushed him, pulling him into a massive hug which nobody expected.

“You should love whoever you love, I know that! That’s your right. And you and Will are two of my best friends! Fuck, why would I ever try to stop you from being together? What kind of dick am I?!” Mike didn’t know what to say, so he just did his best to comfort Lucas, rubbing his back and telling him it was alright, everything was fine, but Lucas insisted that everything was not fine, he was actually a giant tool that shouldn’t even be forgiven.

That actually got Mike a laugh out of Mike and it was like the dams breaking open. Then Dustin was running over to them with tears in his eyes, pulling Will in and creating a group hug between the four boys, which Lucas complained about, still grinning ear to ear with his own tear stained face.

“This is Mine and Mike’s moment, Dustin!” Lucas tried shoving the curly haired boy off, playfully.

Dustin just pushed back, ignoring him completely. “But I’m sorry, too! God, can we all just agree that everyone here are assholes except for Will and Mike? And maybe Jane, because there’s a lot she still doesn’t know?”

“Oh, okay actually, yes. I can totally get with that.” Lucas chances a look at his two friends, grinning when he sees that they’re both actually smiling.

“Hey, you two get in here!” And then Mike’s pulling Max into the Hug, and Max is grabbing onto El to drag her into the lovefest and they’re all just hugging. They’ll deny the tears until years later.

_____

Later, when everyone else has gone home and it’s just Mike and Will, they will listen to much happier songs on the radio and talk and Will will mention to Mike that one day, when they do decide to move away, because they will, they should maybe think about New York or California. He hears San Francisco is nice. Mike will whole-heartedly agree. Besides, as long as he’s got his boy by his side, they’ll be alright.

[cdelphiki]

In For a Penny, deleted chapter

I’ve got a folder I call “discarded baby,” which refers to the scenes and sections I’ve cut from various projects.  (Therefore, throwing away my ‘baby,’ my writing).  Quite a bit of it I still like, even if it didn’t fit into its story, so I kinda want to share it. 

 I deleted an entire chapter from In For a Penny because it was from Dick’s POV and I ended up going with a straight-Bruce’s-POV for the final product.  It’s rough in nature and completely outside ‘canon’ for the story.  Think of it more as an alternate story-line.  

Bruce offers to adopt Dick, alternate version. 

Words: 2,400.

Dick loved the hour or so right after school, because Damian was usually asleep, meaning Bruce wasn’t focusing solely on the stupid little baby.  

He was trying, really, really hard not to be mad at a baby.  Because it was completely stupid.  Bruce was not his dad.  He told Bruce he didn’t want a new dad.  Bruce was his friend.  His partner. Not his dad.  He didn’t need a dad, so it was dumb to be jealous that Bruce had a son now and no longer needed Dick.

Completely and utterly stupid, because Dick never played the role of son.  

But still, that hour right after school was great, because Dick could forget all about Damian and pretend like it was just him and Bruce again.  

That is, if Bruce bothered to pay attention to him.  

“Hey Bruce,” Dick said, skipping into his office with a grin on his face, “Guess what we did at school today.”

Bruce looked up from the pile of paperwork in front of him and said flatly, “Hi, Dick.  Not right now, I’m really busy.”  

Frowning, Dick sat down on the couch across from Bruce’s desk and said, “Since when do you do paperwork?  Paperwork is boring.  We should play a game instead.”

“Dick,” Bruce said, sighing, “I usually do this while you’re at school, but Damian had a rough day and I got nothing accomplished.  Why don’t you go do your homework and we can play a game after dinner.”

“Why can’t you do your paperwork after dinner?” Dick demanded, scowling now at Bruce.  He’d been promised ‘after dinner,’ so many times in the past couple months, just to have every single plan be completely forgotten about once Damian woke up and distracted Bruce.  He was tired of hearing ‘after dinner.’  ‘Later, Dick.’  ‘Not right now.’ ‘Maybe tomorrow.’ 

Broken promises were all Bruce gave Dick anymore, and he was sick of it.  

It was all Damian’s fault.  

That stupid baby, stealing Bruce from him.  Making Bruce realize how pointless Dick was.  

Was…

Was Bruce regretting taking in Dick?  Probably.  He sure acted like it.  Acted like he didn’t like Dick anymore.  Didn’t need him.  Everything was all about Damian.  Damian this and Damian that.  And it was so hard to hate Damian, because the baby was cute.  He was nice and funny and loved playing with Dick.  

But Bruce didn’t. 

Bruce hated playing with Dick.  

“Dick,” Bruce said, rubbing at his face in exasperation, “Go do your homework.  I don’t have the time, I need to get this to Lucius by 5.”  

The only time Dick got anymore with Bruce was when they were Batman and Robin.  And Bruce probably only let Dick keep being Robin because Damian was too little to go out with Batman.  If Damian were older, Bruce would probably fire Dick for Damian.  And then Dick would have been kicked out.  

Scowling, Dick went to grab for his backpack so he could storm out of the room, when the babymonitor alerted them to Damian’s crying.  

With a massive sigh, Bruce stood up and turned the sound off on the device.  “Go do your homework, we will play a game later, okay chum?”

“Yeah, right,” Dick mumbled, crossing his arms to glare as Bruce left the room.  Left the room to go tend to Damian.

Dick asks to play a game and Bruce ignores him.  Damian makes one little sound and Bruce drops everything to go play with him. 

It was stupid.  

If only Damian had never been born.  How could Bruce do that?  Make a baby like that?  Bruce was Dick’s.  His. They were partners.  It was supposed to be just the two of them.  Not Bruce and Damian and Dick standing off to the side all alone. 

Poor sad orphan Dick.  No one loved him.  

“I hate you,” Dick mumbled, focusing his anger on the baby monitor.  Bruce would never let him say that to Damian himself, so this was as close as he could get.  It was mean to say that to babies, anyway. To anyone, really.

Grabbing a pillow off the couch, Dick hurled it at the monitor, growling as he did so.  

It was all Damian’s fault.  

Maybe once stupid Talia came and got the stupid baby, Bruce would go back to liking Dick.  

But probably not.  

Why would Bruce want him after he’s had a real son?  

He probably wouldn’t.

“Hey buddy,” the monitor crackled from the floor.  Apparently the fall had turned it back on. “Are you awake already?  You’re supposed to sleep until 5.”

The gentleness in Bruce’s voice, the adoration Dick could just hear over the monitor did nothing to help.  All it made him want to do was fling himself down on the couch and cry.  

Crying would make him a baby, though, so instead he just did the flinging part.  

“Dad’s got a lot of work to do, bud,” Bruce continued, his voice quieter now.  He was probably on the other side of the room or something, “Do you think you can sleep a little longer?  That’s it, close your eyes.  Shhh.”  

Why was Dick listening to this?  Torturing himself.  He already knew how much Bruce loved Damian.  There was no need to have it rubbed in his face.  Bruce had just been so rude to him, and now he’s being all sweet and kind to Damian.  

What did Dick expect?  Bruce wasn’t his dad.  

He knew that.

That was their deal, wasn’t it?  

Dick shoved his face into a pillow and resisted the urge to scream.  Stupid 9-year-old him.  He wanted Bruce to be his dad.  He wanted Bruce to love him just like he did Damian.  Why did stupid 9-year-old him have to make such a bad deal?  

He didn’t realize he was crying until a sob escaped his throat.  

Burying his face harder into the pillow, he tried his best to hide it.  He couldn’t let Bruce see him like this.  Or Alfred.  Then he’d have to explain, and if he explained, they’d just remind him that he wasn’t Bruce’s son and it didn’t matter what he wanted now.  Damian was here, so Bruce didn’t need Dick to be his son.  

“Shh, no none of that, no whining,” Bruce said in response to Damian letting out a cry, “Go on to sleep, bud.  I know you’re exhausted.”

When Bruce stopped talking, Damian started crying again, so Bruce continued, effectively silencing the baby, “You like it when I talk, don’t you?  Yeah, you do.  Guess who’s home from school now?  Your brother.  He’s downstairs right now doing his homework.  Do you want to play with him when you wake up?”

Dick froze, unsure whether he heard that right.  Was Bruce talking about him?  Who else would he be talking about?  Unless Bruce acquired another son today, Dick was the only other kid in the house.  

But why would Bruce call him Damian’s brother?

“Oh that gets you excited.  You love your big brother don’t you?”

At the sound of Bruce’s quiet, gentle laughter, Dick started crying again.  This time, though, the tears were caused more by confusion.  

Because none of it made sense. 

“So do I,” Bruce whispered, and that’s when Dick completely lost it.  He couldn’t hear anything else Bruce said, because he was crying so loud.  He couldn’t pull a coherent thought together enough to even understand why he was crying.  

And that was how Bruce found him Dick had no idea how much later.  Laying face down on the couch, crying his eyes out like a baby.  

“Dick?” Bruce said, his voice laden with concern as a hand was set on his back, “Dick, chum, what’s wrong?”

That just made it worse.  Because Dick was eleven.  He was Robin. He should not be crying so hard in front of Bruce.  In front of anyone.  At all.  Ever.

“Hey,” Bruce soothed, as he began rubbing circles in Dick’s back, “Shh.  Come on, kiddo.  Tell me what’s going on.”  

Shaking his head, Dick tried to sink further into the couch.  He was trying so hard to stop, but his body would not stop shaking.  

The hand was removed from his back, and Dick hadn’t realized how much he craved the comfort from Bruce.  But of course he’d quit.  Bruce didn’t like doing the emotions thing.  But a moment later, Bruce was back and pulling Dick away from the couch.  Bruce sat down where he’d had his head buried and tucked Dick into his side, wrapping both arms around him to rub at his back again.  “Shh,” he repeated, “it’s okay.  Tell me what’s wrong, chum.”

Shaking his head, Dick buried his face into Bruce’s shirt.  

“Whatever it is, chum, you can tell me.”  

“No,” Dick managed between sobs.  Bruce wouldn’t understand.  Or he would, and he’d remind Dick of their deal.  Or he’d get up and stop hugging him.  Or Damian would probably start crying again in a minute and Bruce would leave anyway.  

Bruce squeezed a little tighter and asked, “No you won’t tell me or no you can’t tell me?”

“Can’t,” Dick whispered, finally regaining control a little.  He turned his face out and swiped furiously at his eyes, trying his best to force the tears to stop.  He was eleven for crying out loud.  

“Why not?” Bruce pulled Dick back a little so he could bend over and look Dick straight in the eyes.  “You can tell me anything.”

Shaking his head, Dick buried his face back into Bruce’s chest.  He was going to take advantage of this.  He knew Bruce would probably never hug him like this again.  He wasn’t even sure why Bruce was doing it now.  

Instead of pressing, Bruce just wrapped his arms back around Dick and held him for several long minutes until Dick’s crying had ceased completely.  

“You’re not my dad,” Dick eventually mumbled, sniffing one last time.  

He’d been expecting it, but it was still painful when Bruce pulled him away again.  That’s what he got for reminding Bruce.  

“I know that,” Bruce said, frowning now as he examined Dick’s face, “is that why you won’t tell me?”

“No,” Dick said miserably, wrapping his arms around his body as he looked away from Bruce.  That’s when he noticed baby Damian standing in his playpen across the room, staring at them.  

Stupid baby.  

But even with the baby in the room, Bruce was sitting here with Dick instead.  So maybe Bruce didn’t completely hate him.  

Or maybe he just felt sorry for him and this was all pity.  

Scrubbing at his eyes, he looked back at Bruce to find him staring at him, obviously completely lost.  It was a look Dick had gotten a lot when he first moved in.  Back when he would throw fits all the time. 

“I don’t know how to help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Bruce said slowly, hesitantly reaching his hand out to brush the bangs out of Dick’s eyes.  

“You- you called me his brother,” Dick whispered, pushing himself back into the couch as far as he could, “but you’re not my dad.”

Bruce’s hand paused in its caressing of his hair as he said, “Oh.”  After another minute, Bruce withdrew his hand completely and added, “I didn’t mean to upset you.  I know you loved your parents.  I would never try to replace your dad, okay?  I just—”

“I can have two dads,” Dick blurted out before he could think better of it.  When his brain caught up to his mouth, he could feel the blood drain from his face.  

This was it.  This would be when Bruce told him he didn’t mean anything by the brother comment.  He just didn’t have another word to describe Dick.  What did you call your ward in relation to your son?  Foster brother would be the term.  That’s all it was.  He’d just shortened foster brother.  Bruce would remind Dick of their relationship and tell him he didn’t need another son.  

Dick just wanted to shrivel up and die.  How could he say that to Bruce?  

“Sorry,” he mumbled, trying his best to melt into the couch.  He should probably get up and lock himself in his room.  That would be the best option.

Before he could, though, and instead of anything Dick expected, Bruce gently placed his hands on either side of Dick’s face and pulled him closer so he could plant a kiss on Dick’s forehead.  “Dick,” he whispered into his hair after pulling him in for another hug, “I love you very much.”  

“Bruce,” Dick choked out, already lost himself to the crying he thought he’d conquered.

“Shh,” Bruce said, squeezing a little tighter to silence Dick, “let me finish.  I don’t have to be your dad if you don’t want, but you’re my son no matter what, okay?  You’ve been my son for almost two years, and you’ll be my son forever.  Even if I’m never your dad.”

“I’m just your ward,” Dick protested, pressing the palm of his hand into the eye not hidden in Bruce’s shirt, “Damian is your son.”  

“It doesn’t matter what the papers say, Dick.”  

“But you’re not-”

“Do you want me to adopt you?” Bruce asked, loosening his hold on Dick as he twisted a bit to look straight into his eyes, “We can make it official.  I can adopt you and then you’ll be my legal son.”

“I-”

“You don’t have to take my name.  You can stay ‘Grayson,’ but you can take ‘Wayne’ if you want it.  Or you can hyphenate, ‘Grayson-Wayne.’  And you don’t have to call me ‘Dad.’  ‘Bruce’ is fine.  But this would make you my heir and mean we’d still have a legal connection once you turned 18.  I will never kick you out, though, so if you say ‘no’ its okay.  It won’t change anything.  I just thought maybe-”

“Bruce,” Dick interrupted, surprising even himself with a laugh, “Yes.”  

“Yes?” Bruce questioned as his face softened.  

Dick nodded and wrapped his arms around Bruce, finally hugging back, “Yes.  You can adopt me.”  

And Dick didn’t need to see Bruce’s face to know he was smiling.  Bruce wrapped his arms around Dick again and planted another kiss in his hair.  “I love you, chum.”  

“You’ve said that three times,” Dick pointed out, finally smiling widely. 

“I know,” Bruce said into his hair as his hold tightened. 

“You’ve never said it before.”

“I know,” he repeated, “I’ll try harder, okay?  I want you and Damian to know it.”  

Nodding against Bruce’s chest, Dick said, “I love you, too.”  

[itskateak]

Oceans and Stars - Chapter 9

Story Summary: A story of how Bucky Barnes falls in love with oceans, stars, and the woman who gave him the reasons to.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Velika Dante King (Fem!OC)

Chapter Summary: A woman in uniform arrives at the compound and everyone knows what that means.

Words:  3.8K (dang)

Warnings: Mentions of war, mild language, loss, grief

A/N: I'm not sorry about this. :) but I also kinda am. 

Masterlist

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𝓕𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓻𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓰𝓸

The woman straightened her pencil skirt with shaky hands. She had done four notifications in the last week and they hadn't got any easier. These people had been her friends and seeing the faces of their families and friends deepened the hole in her chest.

The large compound loomed over her, casting a shadow that would've been intimidating if she hadn't been to Hell and back many times. The glass doors were easy to open and the chill of the air conditioning made her shiver. She approached the receptionist's desk, a file held in the crook of her elbow. The official report did very little to explain what had happened and it wouldn't provide any comfort to those who lost her.

"Hi, how can I help you?" The receptionist asked with a smile.

"Hello. I need to speak with those on the Avengers team urgently," She said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"In regards to what?"

"Velika Dante King." The receptionist's smile fell and nodded.

"I'll page you through. Friday, please alert the Avengers to gather in conference room A."

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The moment Bucky walked into the room, he knew something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. His chest tightened and his stomach sank as the woman in uniform gave them all a sympathetic smile. He knew immediately what was happening and his heart pounded. 

"I am Lady Belial of the Office of Afterlife Services, but I am here as a representative of the Kingdom of Morningstar and Queen Lunara." Belial set a file down onto the conference room table, the Kingdom's seal printed on the front. A name was scrawled across the front: Lt. Velika

"What happened?" Bucky cut to the chase, surprised that he was able to speak at all. His throat was tight and his right hand was beginning to shake. This couldn't be happening. It was just a bad dream and he was going to wake up and everything was going to be fine.

"Bucky, who says anything bad happened?" Steve asked though he didn't sound convinced himself. He was just trying to calm him down.

"Because I know what this is, Steve. We both know what this is. We were in the military. It's a notification. So, what happened to her?" Bucky turned to the woman, an edge to his voice. He clenched his right hand to try and steady it. His nails dug into his palm to ground himself - a coping mechanism that Naomi had berated him for time and time again.

"The official report states that most of her unit went MIA on the southern front two days ago, but it's bullshit." Belial's shoulders dropped. "Two weeks ago, her unit went missing. We found most of them, but Velika is still MIA. If not found in the next week, we have to change her active status to inactive, announcing her killed in action. I'm so sorry."

Bucky felt his breath freeze in his chest and his throat closed up. He knew from the moment he'd stepped into the room that this would be the news delivered but there was something else about having it confirmed. He closed his eyes and willed himself to wake up. 

Wanda was wrapped in Vision's arms, crying softly. She'd already lost so much and it never got easier. Especially during the younger years of her life. Even as a young adult, now, she still continued to lose.

Sam had his arms crossed, eyes on the floor. A veteran like himself knew the chances that she'd turn up were low. He sniffed and scratched under his eye, acting like he wasn't about to cry.

"How close is the war to ending?" Tony asked, voice thick. He'd sunk into a chair after the news, no doubt thinking about how he was going to break the news to his spider-kid.

"In Earthen time, a few more months from my estimations. It's been thirteen years for us and we're all wanting it to end." Belial said.

"Isn't there something more you can do?" Natasha's brow was furrowed, tone sharp like she didn't believe the woman. 

"I'm so sorry. We're doing all we can but even then I don't know if it'll be enough. It's a large realm to cover and some of the fighting has even pushed into Purgatory." Belial sighed. "We do know they're moving her location from what her unit mates have said. If she's even in Hell or Purgatory anymore, that is."

Bucky dug his nails into his skin hard enough to nearly draw blood. He was sure he was the only one who really understood what that might mean. Velika's history with Heaven was very rocky and if she wasn't in Hell or Purgatory...he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to even consider it.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked.

"It's possible they took her back to Heaven. And if that's true, there's no getting her back because they'll either kill her or put her under their control again." Belial looked grim.

"How could you let that happen? You knew it was a risk and still called her to fight. She knew it was a risk and she still went! She trusted that you wouldn't let it happen!" Bucky suddenly burst out, voice louder than he intended. 

"Buck, I know you're upset, but don't yell at her. She wasn't responsible for what happened." Steve placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder and he shook it off.

"I wish there was more I could do. I really do. I know what they did to her. I know what happened. But if it was her decision to go and fight, then you need to respect it. It was her choice." Belial said. "You understand, Sergeant Barnes."

"She was drafted. I enlisted. There's a difference. I chose to fight. She didn't." He said through gritted teeth.

"She knew when she asked for protection from the Kingdom that if they were to ever go to war, she would have to fight. She chose that." Belial matched his tone. "Just like every other fallen angel who asked for the protection of the Kingdom. It was the price she knew to pay for her freedom."

"What kind of bullshit system is that? She wasn't free. She has a bag under her bed with supplies in case she had to run. Run to protect us because she was terrified someone would come for her and hurt the people she cared about." Bucky was shaking, anger surging through his veins. "That isn't freedom."

"The Kingdom would protect her."

"Just like they protected her from being taken on the battlefield?" Bucky shook his head in disbelief, tears pushing at his eyes. "She laid her life on the line to protect a Kingdom that didn't give a shit about her." He turned and left the room, ignoring Steve calling his name. He needed to be alone. 

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𝓦𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓰𝓸.

It had been three weeks since they'd been told of Velika's disappearance and two weeks since she was officially announced as killed in action. Two weeks since Bucky had left his room. 

Steve and Sam came to check on him occasionally, bringing him food and taking the barely touched plates with them. They never lingered long, sitting on the edge of the bed quietly and giving updates on the world around him. He had no interest in the world around him. Not now that she was gone.

"Buck, you have to get up sometime. I know it's hard, but you'll feel better if you just walk down the hall," Steve said during one of his visits, a hand resting on Bucky's calf. He hadn't tried to get him up and moving until the last few days, hopeful that they could just get him out of bed for a change. 

Bucky didn't say anything. He never did. He didn't trust himself to speak, afraid that if he opened his mouth, a sob would come out. He was so tired of crying and his head hurt constantly from dehydration. He couldn't bring himself to drink water to solve the issue. He could barely bring himself to eat most days.

"I know you miss her. We all do. But would she want you to waste away in your room like this?" Steve asked, patting his leg gently. He knew Steve meant well and came from a place of concern but he didn't want to hear it.

"Get out." Bucky croaked, eyes screwing shut. 

Steve sighed and quietly shut the door on his way out, leaving Bucky to his misery.

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Bucky stared blankly at the ceiling, spread out across his bed. He'd gotten up and showered at least, but that was all he could bring himself to do. It's progress. He thought. His therapist would've applauded him and hyped him up about it. 

That progress was quickly dashed when he saw her dog tags on the bathroom counter and it had caused him to spiral into a breakdown. He'd collapsed onto the floor in tears, clutching the only thing left of her in his hand.

When he'd gotten to his bed and found himself staring endlessly through the ceiling, he had no idea. But that's where he was when someone knocked.

The door opened and he blinked to clear his vision. That only pushed more tears down his face and he let them fall. He didn't want to put the energy into wiping them away. A weight settled on the edge of his bed.

"Hey, man. Just came in to say that Steve and Nat are heading to take down a base in an hour. There's a spot on the helicarrier if you want it." Sam said quietly. He'd always had a soft voice when he came in, which was a nice change from Steve's loudness. His best friend had always been louder than he'd intended, even when he tried to be quieter. 

Sam had been good company on the days that he wanted it. He had stopped teasing him as much, but he still poked fun at Bucky on occasion. Never for things like wearing the same shirt four days in a row or having his hair look like a mess when it hadn't been brushed in days or making comments when he did dare to venture out into the common areas. He still made fun of him for walking slowly in the halls or standing in a doorway for more than half a second or yelling at him when he sat in 'his spot.' He wouldn't admit it, but Bucky was really grateful for that.

"They'd like to have you join them, but if you don't feel up to it, that's okay. The Guardians have landed so Gamora has offered to fill in." Sam further explained in a casual tone that really eased his guilt of not wanting to go.

Bucky opened his mouth to respond, but a sob slipped out. He drew in a shuddering breath, taken off guard at his own vulnerability.

"Are you okay? I mean, I know you're not okay. But what's up?" Sam turned with a soft expression, gently resting his hand on Bucky's knee in concern. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I miss her," Bucky whispered, throat burning from holding back another sob. "I miss her so much."

"I know, buddy."

"We were s'posed to go out," Bucky turned his head to look at Sam, voice wavering. "We were s'posed to go dancin' or sight seein' and she was s'posed to tell me about her favorite constellation."

"Aw, man. I'm sorry." Sam gave him a sympathetic smile. "Have you talked to Naomi yet?"

Bucky shook his head. He'd canceled his appointments the last three weeks, but he figured it would maybe do him some good to see his therapist. 

He just didn't want to leave the compound and face the world without Velika.

"I'll call her office and see if she can do a house visit, okay? Do you want me to stay?" Sam asked. He always left the choice up to Bucky. Never wanted to intrude if he wanted to be alone.

 Bucky nodded shakily, shifting to look back at the ceiling. 

"Aight, man. I'll stay until you tell me to leave."

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Bucky had ventured out into the common room on a brave day, spending his time idly watching whatever was on the tv. It was some reality show about a famous family and he could not care less, but it was just background noise that distracted him from his thoughts. He had his computer sitting on his lap and he was reading through some of the social media posts he'd missed. He scrolled past the fan works, not really paying them mind. People would do what they would. As long as he didn't know, he didn't care.

Peter came in after school had gotten out. He usually came after school on Fridays and stayed the weekend for training. He was humming along to whatever music he was listening to and set his backpack down on the table.

Bucky looked up, watching him bop along to his music, and head for the fridge to grab a drink. He shook his head fondly and scrolled down.

"Oh, hi. Uh...Mr. Barnes, I-I didn't see you there." Peter said awkwardly, pulling his earbuds out.

"Don't think you saw much of anything while you were headbanging there,  kiddo," Bucky replied with a friendly smile. "How'd that test go? History, right?"

"Uh, yeah! U.S. History, specifically. We've been talking about World War Two, so I pretty much nailed it." Peter shrugged. 

"Helps to have us old farts around for your questions, huh?" Bucky had always found that conversation with the young Avenger came easy and even now in his very non-social state, it still flowed easily between them.

"Well, I mean yeah, but you're also fun to be around so it's really a win-win situation." Peter smiled and flopped down next to him on the couch. "Are you actually watching this?"

"Huh? Oh, no. It's just background noise. It was too quiet while I was just sitting here." Bucky looked up at the tv, brow furrowed. What an awful show. "If you want to change it, you can."

Peter grabbed the remote and navigated to one of the streaming systems. There was a bit of silence for a moment with intermittent plinks as he switched between titles. He gasped softly, which drew Bucky's attention.

"They have the Princess Bride! I haven't seen that movie in so long!" Peter grinned excitedly.

"What's that?" Bucky asked, looking up at the picture onscreen. He read the synopsis and became intrigued.

"Only like, the best movie ever? Have you not seen it?" Peter turned to him with a surprised expression.

"Uh, no. I think it was on the list that Velika...that Velika and I were working through." Bucky dropped his gaze to his laptop, the familiar ache in his chest returning. He missed her so much. The burning in his throat returned and he tried to hide how his breath hitched.

"Mr. Barnes, I know you miss her a lot...I do, too." Peter's tone changed immediately, becoming much softer and full of emotion. 

"It sucks," Bucky muttered, not trusting his voice too much.

"It really does." Peter fell quiet after that, knowing that words weren't going to help. 

Bucky was surprised when Peter pulled him into a hug. He turned and wrapped his arms around the boy. 

"You looked like you needed a hug."

"I did, kiddo. Thanks." Bucky couldn't remember the last time someone had just hugged him. Steve would give him a one-armed hug around his shoulders, and Sam would pat his back. Natasha didn't really like physical affection so he never could count on it from her. 

Peter didn't let him go until Bucky made the move to pull back. The hug had lasted long enough for the tv to go into sleep mode.

"So, you wanna watch it with me?" Peter asked, picking the remote back up.

"Is it worth it? Because Tony claimed The Fifth Element was the best movie ever made and that was a nightmare and a half." Bucky closed his laptop and leaned to put it on the coffee table.

"Mr. Stark is a tech genius. Not a movie genius." Peter grimaced. "The Princess Bride is fantastic. The book was even awesome." 

"Alright. You've sold me. Let me get a drink."

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"Hey, Bucky. I was worried when you canceled your appointments but Steve told me what happened when I came in. I'm so sorry." Naomi perched on the side of his bed, glasses pushed to the top of her head. "I know how much she meant to you."

"You really don't," Bucky muttered, drawing his knees to his chest. He was sitting up against the headboard. He'd been having better days recently, but the last week had been very rough on him.

"Do you want to tell me about that, then?"

"I am...was in love with her." Bucky looked up at her with a vulnerability even she didn't expect. He'd never told anyone other than Steve. It was strange to say, but it felt right. Except it made his chest tighten in grief. "And I never got to tell her."

"Bucky...I'm really sorry." Naomi shifted and sat cross-legged at the end of his bed. "That's awful. I don't actually know what to say."

"We were supposed to go out when she got back. I asked her out on a date and she said yes. I was gonna take her out dancing." Bucky continued, eyes falling to the bedspread sadly. "Except she can't dance to save her life. Anything more than slow dancing and she'll step on your toes. I wouldn't mind, though. As long as she was having fun."

Naomi smiled, nodding along as she listened. She wouldn't correct him on his tense usage. Not yet, anyway. "Would you be interested in taking me down the trail that leads to the river? A walk through the woods always helped me and I think you could use some fresh air."

Bucky thought about it carefully. He hadn't been out there since he'd lost her. Granted, he hadn't been out of the compound much since they were given the news. He'd just barely started coming out of his room more than once a day. But a walk through the woods sounded nice. So, he nodded and unfolded himself from his curled up position.

An hour later, a photo was posted on his Instagram of the fallen tree across the river. He hadn't been around on social media at all since the official notice of Velika's passing had been put out. His messages and notifications were filled with condolences and support. He hadn't the heart to read them yet. He put a lot of thought into the caption, thinking maybe to go simple and talk about his favorite memory with her.

Bucky decided to be honest. 

It isn't the same without my girl who once made me face my fears head-on. Now I have to face them on my own. I wasn't ready then and I'm not ready now, but I know she'd want me to keep going and take the leap. Fearing the fall will only make you miss the landing. 

I didn't know what she had meant by that in the moment, but I understand now. I miss her every single day and I know several others do as well. My girl was special to me and to many people and losing her has been one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through. 

This place is not the same without her, but the view is still worth the risk of falling. A part of me still believes that she's out there, somewhere, fighting to get back. I don't know if it's worth it to let myself hang onto that small hope. I keep thinking that this is all a bad dream and I'm going to wake up. It's been nearly three years since she left to fight, and nothing hurts more than the promises she didn't get to keep. That hopeful part of me is going to keep waiting. 

                      ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ 

Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The ocean in the distance washed against the shore steadily, like the beating of a heart. He could barely see the inky water in the soft moonlight. The salty breeze blew past him, rustling the grass sprouting from the dunes below the deck. 

Steve had decided that the team needed a retreat to take some time to recover. Being in the compound didn't give everyone time to heal from losing Velika, considering that everything around them kept moving on and there were daily reminders of the hole in their lives. A trip to a secluded beach had been his decision, which happened to be perfect as Tony brought up the fact he owned a private beach house in Greece.

The location only made Bucky miss her so much more. The stars twinkled back at him, but they had felt cold ever since he lost her. The constellations were not as friendly and intriguing as they had once been. He sighed again, pushing down tears. He was done crying.

 It had been six months and they had received word that the war was over. Hell had won and her death wasn't in vain. Her brother had visited and could offer very little consolation before he had to leave to return to the business he ran. 

The pain hadn't gotten any better, but Bucky had learned how to handle the daily heartache he felt. He wondered if it would ever get easier or if he would forever feel like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Missions had become a great distraction to help him focus on other things, but at night, he was left alone with his thoughts. Like tonight.

Footsteps interrupted the sounds of the night, which warned him of someone approaching. He figured it was Steve, Sam, or even Nat coming to try and bring him inside. He couldn't sleep, so he came out to try and quiet his mind and find some peace. He didn't turn around to find out who it was, knowing they'd either move into his peripheral vision or speak.

"Hey, Bucky." He knew that voice. His eyes widened and he picked his head up. He didn't want to turn around, afraid that if he looked, it would be a hallucination. His heart was hammering against his chest, blocking out the sounds of the waves as it beat in his ears. 

Against his better judgment, Bucky turned around and his breath caught in his throat. 

"It's been a long time." 

𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓾𝓼 𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰.

Taglist-

[andorerso]

yaaaaaaay prompts!! Can I ask for 83 and/or 5!! (possibly featuring a grumpy Cassian??)

Thanks for the prompts :) I combined 83 and 5, and you’ll have your grumpy Cassian too.

For this one, I decided to do a modern bodyguard AU. Enjoy!

“You haven’t even touched yourfood,” Jyn said as she put down her spoon. Cassian was merely stirring theplate in front of him; she’d been watching for a while and she had enough. “What’sgoing on?”

“This isn’t food,” Cassian said in the same sourtone she’d grown used to in the past couple of weeks. “And just because you putit in a plate doesn’t make it food.”

Jyn withheld a sigh. They hadthis debate before; she knew how it started, she knew the arguments, and sheknew the closing lines. She knew they’d fight and she’d win and they’d saynothing they hadn’t already said before but she prepared to have this discussionanyway. Because it was the only way to get through Cassian’s thick skull whenhe got like this and she needed him to do what she said because she needed himto be okay.

“Cassian –”

“Come on, Jyn,” he interruptedher, pushing his plate away from him, “I’m sick of freaking yogurt andpudding!”

“Most kids would happy to liveon a pudding diet.” She gave him a pointed look. “And you’re definitely actinglike a kid right now.”

Cassian did not appreciate thatdig at him. His expression remained unamused and Jyn sighed.

“I know you’re sick of it. Andyou know what the doctor said. You can’t eat solids, only liquids untilThursday.”

Cassian threw his hands up inthe air, staring at the ceiling as if asking for divine intervention.

“This is madness.”

Jyn rolled her eyes. Who knewhe could be so dramatic?

“It’s for your own good.”

“So you keep saying.”

“Well, it’s true.”

Jyn picked up her spoon,preparing to ignore his temper tantrum. Nevermind that she was also only eatingliquids out of solidarity. It didn’t seem to appease him. Cassian was adifficult patient, she had realized, and as much as it frustrated her, it waskind of reassuring to know even he could lose his calm and steady composure.

“Why are you doing this?” heasked, crossing his arms across his chest. There was a meanness in his voice thatJyn knew meant trouble. They had some nasty fights when he used that tone. Sheheld her spoon tighter, steeling herself. “This is not in your jobdescription.”

Jyn knew that very well. Evenshe had to remind herself sometimes that she was just a bodyguard, not hispersonal nurse. But she cared about him, even though she didn’t know how to saythat. She wanted to take care of him because he was important to her, not out ofsome sense of duty.

Though, she supposed, Cassianwouldn’t know that. Maybe that was what bothered him.

“You’re paying me to protectyou,” she said simply. He was trying to get a rise out of her so she’d get upand walk away and he’d be free to do whatever he wanted. She was not taking thebait.

“Well, I’m not paying you to bemy babysitter,” he countered, his voice cold. “I don’t need you to coddle me.”

“Then don’t act like a baby,”she snapped at him. Despite her best efforts, she was on edge and he knew it.He knew just how to push her buttons and a small part of her resented him forit. How did they get to know each other so well?

Cassian sighed as he leanedback in his chair, watching her with an annoyed expression.

“You can go, you know. Yourshift has ended.”

Jyn said nothing, continuing toeat her yogurt. She attempted to block him out as best as she could.

“Seriously, why do you alwaysstay? You don’t get paid for these extra hours.”

“It’s not about money,” shesaid curtly.

“Isn’t it? Last I checked, moneywas the foundation of our relationship.”

Jyn’s spoon clattered to thetable as she pushed her chair back and stood. If he wanted her gone so badly –

She tried not to let it showhow deep his words cut her as she stormed towards the door, grabbing her bagfrom the hanger. Cassian’s eyes followed her like a hawk, burning a hole intoher back.

That son of a bitch. Jyn knewhe was just trying to get her to leave but it didn’t hurt any less. Especiallybecause he was right. Their lines had been blurry for a long time, but he wasright – this was a job. He was a client. You never get attached to a client.But she did and she would be paying the price for it.

Once she was done here, she’dnever see him again. She’d been dreading that thought for a while now, eversince she realized what he meant to her. To hear him speak about it socasually, to hear him dismiss their relationship as motivated only by money… itwas a slap in the face. He was getting what he wanted, she was leaving. She neededto cool off and –

He was getting what he wanted. Dammit.

With the same breath, sheturned back. No, he was not getting off the hook so easily. She’d make sure he’dstick to his diet if it was the last thing she did. So he expected her toabandon him because of a few harsh words, well, she’d prove him wrong.

“I’m not going anywhere,” shetold him, catching his eyes. He looked shocked, staring up at her. “You’regoing to eat your yogurt and I’m going to watch. But we don’t have to talk. Ifyou’re going to be an asshole, we can just sit here in silence.”

With that, she sat down and duginto her yogurt again. Cassian stared at her in silence for a few seconds, butshe refused to look at him. She was still pissed as hell, but she cared abouthis stupid health too much to just up and leave. Stupid bastard. She kept hereyes on her plate, and after a while, he picked up his spoon and began eating.

They were quiet as theyfinished their meal. When he was done, he sat unmoving, looking down at hisempty plate for a long while. The air between them was fraught with tension butJyn wasn’t going to speak. When she glanced at him, she could tell he wasworking up the nerve to say something so she waited patiently.

“Jyn,” he said eventually, hisvoice tentative.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

Jyn raised her eyes to him. Helooked pitiful and the ice in her heart melted. It was stupid how fast he couldmake her forgive him – just as fast as he could make her angry. No one ever hadsuch an effect on her before. But she knew how much he’d been struggling, andshe couldn’t help taking pity on him.

Still, she wanted to make himwork for it a little.

“You’re an ugly patient,” shetold him crossly.

He shrugged. “I’m not used topeople caring for me.”

And that was true. Jyn knew he losthis family as a child, and his closest friend seemed to be a guy who was morerobot than human. Kay had the best intentions, she was sure, but he didn’t showaffection like most people did. Like she knew Cassian secretly craved it. Nowonder he was so reserved.

“But I do, you know.” Sheswallowed. “Care for you.”

“I know,” he said, his voicebarely a whisper. It felt like something between them tipped over and spilled,and she found herself continuing.

“I know I’m annoying you andyou have every right to resent me.”

“Jyn,” he said, just that one word so full of intention. He wasalready comforting her. But she shook her head, too far gone to listen to hisreassurances.

“You got shot. On my watch.It’s my duty to make sure you’re alright.”

So maybe he had every right tobe angry with her. It was her job to protect him and she didn’t. She failed himand he almost bled out in her arms and he required multiple surgeries to repairthe damage done to his abdomen. Even now, when he was mostly out of the woods,he could only eat liquids and it was not fair. If that was what it took to makesure he had a full recovery, she’d stick to it, but it was not fair to him. It hadbeen her mistake.

Cassian stood up and came tosit by her side, taking one of her hands. She couldn’t look at him. Tearsprickled at her eyes and she didn’t want him to see it – she was supposed to bethe strong one. The protector. But Jyn had been holding this in for weeks andit was inevitable the dam finally broke.

“Jyn, you can’t blameyourself,” he told her gently, but she wouldn’t hear it.

“Yes, I can. I was supposed toprotect you, that’s literally my job.What kind of bodyguard lets their client get shot? You should have fired me.”

“Don’t be silly, you’re anamazing bodyguard.”

Empty words. Jyn knew Cassianmeant them but what did it matter if she couldn’t believe it herself?

She stared resolutely ahead,ignoring the warm pressure of his hand on top of hers. Cassian paused, seeingthat he wasn’t getting through her, and switching to a different tactic. Whenhe spoke again, his voice was careful but fuller of emotion that she had everheard it.

“Jyn, you sat with me at thehospital every day. Even when I was unconscious, you were there. You were thefirst face I saw when I woke up and you sat through every single one of mysurgeries. You held my hand when I began to walk again and you brought me homefrom the hospital and watched over me day and night, far beyond your workinghours.”

He paused, squeezing her hand. Shewas scarcely breathing; the look in his eyes was mesmerizing.

“And you make sure I keep to mydiet even when I hate you for it,” he continued, quieter. Gentle. “I couldn’task for a better bodyguard.”

She let out a sound betweenlaughter and a sob.

“Even though you’re sick of theyogurt and pudding?”

Cassian shook his head. “I wasjust being a whiny jackass, it won’t kill me to eat yogurt for a few weeks.Besides, my diet is almost over.” He perked up, an idea lighting in his eyes. “Tellyou what, when I can finally eat solids, I’ll make you some chilaquiles tocelebrate. We’ll watch a movie or something. How does that sound?”

Jyn nodded, smiling through hertears. Apparently, Cassian also had a talent for cheering her up.

Satisfied with her response,Cassian let go of her hand and stood up to collect their plates. She watchedhim walk to the sink, heart squeezing. Her hand felt cold without his warmthcovering it. Jyn inhaled softly. She was in so much trouble.

[chillmichelle]

Next week

Standing in the kitchen, you tore off the freshly baked cookies from the aluminum foil, neatly placing them onto a clean glass plate. Harry had told you earlier this morning he wanted cookie, and you planned on baking the best possible ones you could just for him. Harry sat with his friends in the living room, all of them discussing what they’d missed while they were all doing their own things.

You were happy his friends were over, you knew his time at home was limited, which was exactly why you wanted him to have as much fun as possible before he eventually had to go back on tour or to record his album in LA. Stacking the cookies in cute little circles. You picked up the little tray and walked towards the swinging door towards the living room.

Suddenly, you hear a voice say a familiar name, and your actions halt.

“If I were you I would’ve taken her up on the offer man. She’s sexy as fuck.” All of the boys laughed, respectively muttering small “you’re right”s and “true”s.

“I saw her on a magazine cover the other day.” You heard a whistle come out of one of the boy’s mouths, the others giggling at the statement. You felt slightly insecure. You had always been told you were beautiful, but hearing Harry’s friends rave about a supermodel that he ‘should’ve gotten with’ while he was in a relationship with you deterred your self confidence a good amount.

“I have a girlfriend” You heard Harry say. His tone was more playful than serious, as if he was just stating the fact rather than actually putting serious thought behind it. Regardless, you smiled lightly knowing that he was at least acknowledging your existence.

Mitch soon countered Harry’s statement, “That’s so boring.” He simply stated. Soon after, you hear another deep voice that you couldn’t recognize enforcine what Mitch said. “I agree with him. Ever since you started settling down, you’ve become so boring. What happened to the Styles who had girls lined up every stop of the tour?”

You frowned, Harry had mentioned his previous girlfriends, but had failed to mention anything about the string of one night stands that were apparently on his record. You’d met him when he was freshly 20 years old, and he was the first person you’d ever pursued a real relationship with.

“Bro, remember Lani?” Jeff says out of nowhere. You hear Mitch laugh before replying, “How could I forget?” Another one of the many boys in the room speaks out, “Who’s Lani?”

You’re wondering the same thing. So many topics Harry had never spoken to you about were all of a sudden being addressed.

“This hot girl from London. Harry and her-”

“Not now, Jeff” Harry urgently cuts him off, as if he doesn’t want you to hear. You feel your heart beating faster and you start overthinking. Who was Lani? Did she and Harry have some sort of history?

“Nevermind” Jeff inquires, understanding what Harry was signaling.

“The point is, there are so many hot girls out there Harry. I don’t know how you have the power to just reject all of them.”

You were expecting him to stick up for you, to give a response about how he was in a committed relationship with you, about how he had enough respect and decency not to cheat on you. But instead, he replied with an all too plain.

“I don’t know how I do it either.”

You had never been the most secure person when it came to the way you were, you always worried you were being too clingy, or that you weren’t enough for your friends or the people close to You. With Harry, those feelings couldn’t help but be elevated due to his status and the number of girls who were willing to throw themselves at him. Regardless of your many insecurities, Harry had always assured you there was nothing to worry about, so how come you were feeling uneasy now?

A voice you think is Adam speaks up, “You know what next week is. You have an awards show, are you just gonna stare at her this time or are you gonna make a move?” He questions. You balance yourself on the wall next to the door and brace your ear up closely.

“Y/n isn’t going to be there, right?” Harry inquires cautiously. Your eyes begin to burn as you cover your mouth with your hands to prevent any noise from emitting and giving you away. It felt as if everything you had worked towards with him was all of a sudden torn down, as if you didn’t mean anything to him this entire time.

“Of course she isn’t, she’ll probably be studying for some exam or writing you a fucking letter with how obsessed she is.”

A cruel laughter is emitted from the person who says it, you can feel your self confidence, or whatever is left of it, crumbling along with the small speck of pride you had remaining.

“I just might slip her a hotel key right before my performance then.” Harry lets out a laugh after, the menacing vibration escaping his throat. It was ridiculous to you how he was laughing about completely destroying you, while you stood leaning against the door and barely holding onto your composure. Softly weeping into the safety of your clasped hands, you felt a numbing ache in your chest.

Harry had always told you he was proud of you for doing what you loved, that he was happy to call you his and show you off. The words he was uttering with his friends tonight were completely contradicting his words to you. You questioned everything he had ever said to you. Was he really planning on cheating on you with a model? Did he really think you wouldn’t find out.

You had never been the closest with his friends, you were very often shy. Closed off to the people you didn’t know. you never comprehended or could tell that they hated you, especially to this extent.

Not wanting to hear anymore, you stepped away from the door, still weeping into your two hands as quietly as possible. While walking backwards blindly, you felt yourself stumbling over something on the ground and instinctively reached out for the first thing you could grab. Grasping onto the counter suddenly, you nudged the plate of cookies off of the kitchen island and onto the floor.

The plate crashed with a deafeningly loud noise. You knew the boys had heard it from the living room for sure. As much as you didn’t want to face them, their footsteps all rushing towards the kitchen were unavoidable.

Harry stepped in first, being met with a shattered plate of cookies on the floor and a crying girl with flour stains on the shirt she was wearing. A part of him had to have known that you had heard what he had said, which is why the look on his face was extremely panicked.

“Baby, are you okay?” Adam peered over his shoulder at the mess in front of him. You felt as broken as the plate shattered on the ground, tears continuously falling down your cheeks rapidly.

You shake your head, not knowing what else to say or do. So overwhelmed with all of the people who were seconds ago talking about how insignificant you were, and paralyzed with fear, you stood there frozen like a small clueless child.

Harry reached out his arm quickly, stepping over the scattered glass shards on the floor of the kitchen. He knelt down to reach for your leg but you pulled it back right as his hand made contact with it.

“You’re bleeding.” You bent over a bit to look at the blood dripping out from a deep wound on your right calf. You didn’t want him touching you, in fact, you didn’t even want to be near him at the moment.

“No!” You say as his soft hand touches near your wound. He surprisingly stand up from his kneeling position, staring at you shocked.

“I don’t want you near me!” You exclaim between hiccups. You were still understandable through your sobs, and though the condition you were in may have made you seem even more unattractive to Harry’s friends, you had no interest in appealing to them anymore.

“Baby…” Harry calls out softly. If he had known you were listening, you’re almost positive he would’ve defended you. He was legitimately considering cheating on you, and that was something you couldn’t just ignore and put aside.

Taking a few stumbles backwards and away from him, you pray he doesn’t try to follow you.

“Why don’t you go sleep with a model instead?” You ask him. Mitch’s eyes widen and he’s now aware that you were listening to the entire conversation.

“Might as well get it over with a week earlier, right?” You menacingly retort. Harry breaks eye contact with you and instead looks at the cut on your leg that is forming a trail of red dots on the floor.

Your words are slurred due to the crying that is unable to stop. You wipe furiously at your cheeks, and no one is talking. You feel like a mother scolding her children, they all seemed ashamed about being caught.

You grab your phone that is conveniently lying on the counter next to the oven where you took out the cookies. The countertop is still warm from the cookie pan, and it alarms Harry that you’re walking out with an injury and a broken relationship.

“Don’t go…” he quietly mumbles.

“We can work this out, let me explain.” He desperately says, but you don’t want to hear it. He had said too much for anything to be justifiable anymore.

“Explain what? How I stayed faithful to you and you were planning on cheating on me with some girl just because she’s pretty?” you loudly retort. “Or maybe I should let your dumbass friends explain, since they’re the ones who gave you this stupid idea in the first place!”

His eyes widen, he’d never heard you curse so much before. You were rarely ever rude to anyone.

“Just…you can do what you want next week.” You tell him, voice quieter now.

“Because you’re officially a single man.”

[gwenbrightly]

(When You Weren't There)

Cross-posted from ffnet. Just a quick oneshot featuring the Smith siblings following some of the events of season 11 (because someone's gotta smack some sense into Kai for being an idiot).

Footsteps echoed softly.

First to the left, then the right. Repeat.

Nya watched her brother quietly wander the halls of the monastery. It had been several hours since… Since Zane had been hit by Ashpeera’s spell and… ceased to exist…

The aftermath had been devastating. No one felt like talking, felt like doing anything, too caught up in shocked grief. It was too reminiscent of Cole’s fall, and far, far too soon. Why did tragedy always strike at the worst possible moment? She’d never get used to this feeling. No matter how many times they lost someone.

The master of water glanced at the clock on a nearby wall. It was late. The others were probably already in bed (Pixal had retired to her room hours ago), and she really ought to consider joining them soon, but there was something she needed to do first.

“Kai?” She called. He stopped, glancing over at her.

“Y-yeah?”

“We need to talk.” Nya stated firmly, grabbing Kai’s arm and leading him toward her room.

“We just lost Zane, sis. This had better be important.” He replied, eyes red and puffy. It was obvious that the day’s events had hit him hard, but Nya was dead set on having this conversation now. Someone had to do damage control before things got even worse.

“Oh, it is..” She dragged him inside. Seating herself on the bed, she eyed him expectantly. He couldn’t ignore the look on her face.

“What’s eating you?” The master of fire asked quietly, not sure he wanted to know what else might be bothering her. He sat next to her, waiting for a response. Nya glanced away, picking at her bedspread as she chose her words.

“I think…” She took a breath, “I think you need to apologize to Lloyd. For what happened earlier.”

“Apologize?” He repeated. The former samurai nodded.

“Yes. Apologize. Maybe you think that coming back at the last possible moment counts, but it doesn’t. The way you acted? The things you said? They hurt Lloyd. A lot more than you realize. And while he’s too nice to say it to your face, I’m not.”

“I… I was being a little insensitive…” Admitted Kai, sheepishly. His behavior definitely wasn’t something to be proud of.

“A little?!” Nya hissed, a bit louder than intended, “What the heck, Kai?! Have you already forgotten that Lloyd lost his own elemental powers not that long ago? That he had to deal with his maniac of a father trying to take over the city while grieving the loss of his family all at the same time?!”

“I-”

“Do you have any idea how horrible that was for him? And then you, his brother, come along and basically tell him his struggles weren’t justified!” He shrank back as she continued, realizing just how badly he’d messed up.

“Oh gosh… I feel like such a jerk now… I didn’t mean for it to come out like that…” Kai said, feeling even worse than before, “I just… I felt so useless and frustrated and I guess I didn’t…” She sighed.

“That’s just it. You don’t get it… none of you do!”

“I… what?” He questioned, a bit surprised by the outburst.

“It’s so easy for you to forget that Lloyd went through living hell while you were off gallivanting about with dragons, for you to say or do something stupid and ignorant, and you wanna know why? You. Weren’t. There.” Her words felt like a physical punch. Kai reeled backwards, nearly falling off of his sister’s bed. She turned away, bitterly.

“You weren’t there when Lloyd woke up without powers, or when he refused to eat for days on end… or when he cried himself to sleep every night blaming himself for getting you killed, or when… When everyone else got captured?” He could hear her voice beginning to break.

“You weren’t there, and I was so, so scared a-and everything was so bro-oken - I didn’t know what to do…. we needed you, and you w-were gone and… And then we almost lost you again, and…” Nya’s voice grew quieter, resigned. This wasn’t just about Lloyd anymore. And the master of fire was beginning to wonder if it ever had been. She chocked out a sob.

“And I-I know it’s not fair to blame you for that b-because it wasn’t your fault you were stuck i-in another realm, but I still…. It hurts and I can’t….”

“Oh, Nya… I’m so sorry… why didn’t you tell me….” He whispered, edging over to her. The girl’s crying turned to hiccups as she allowed Kai to scoop her up into a tight hug. He rubbed comforting circles on her back, attempting to calm her down enough to get a coherent response out of her.

“I was so relieved to h-have you back again, you know?” She whispered, beginning to feel better now that she’d gotten all the negative feelings that had been plaguing her for the past 6 months off her chest, “I-I couldn’t lay that on you, not when…”

“Nya… Nya, look at me…” Kai begged. Nya shifted towards him, face streaked with tears. He grabbed the box of tissues she kept on her bedside table and handed them to her. She gratefully accepted them.

“I don’t care how idiotic I’m acting. You can always come to me when something’s bothering you. You know that…”

“I do.” The master of water agreed with a watery smile.

“Good. Because you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re going through this stuff alone – you aren’t, and you never will be. I promise.” He replied, giving her nose a tweak. She leaned against him, comforted by his words.

“Thanks. I really needed that right now.”

“No problem, sis. I’m your brother. It’s what I’m here for. And you’re right... Lloyd deserves an apology. I’ll make sure I talk to him as soon as I can.” Kai determined.

“Yeah, I… I think that’s a good idea… maybe it’ll help soften the blow to know that you understand… after what happened today? He’s gonna need some encouragement…” His sister stated, knowingly.

“Things are definitely gonna be rough around here for awhile…” He said, nodding in agreement. Suddenly they were interrupted by the sound of someone screaming down the hall. Pixal.

“We’d better go check on her.” Nya commented as she pushed herself up from the mattress. Kai followed her to the door, steeling himself for yet another difficult conversation. They were a family… They’d get through this…. Right?

[bby-calum]

Unexpected - S.M (fluff)

a/n: reposting AGAIN - im sorry

word count: 1,675

masterlist: linked in bio!!

request: I was wondering if you could do an imagine where Shawn and y/n have an argument in public and try to keep it discreet but then y/n storms off and Shawn goes after her andthe paps have pics and video and it’s all over Twitter by the end of the day. Also could the ending have pure fluff?

synopsis: You and Shawn get into a heated argument in public. You’re sick of him prioritising his work over you, but he insists it’s all for a good reason. Has he pushed you too far?

“Jesus Christ, y/n. Talk to me, please,” Shawn begged quietly from the opposite side of the booth the two of you were sat in. You stirred your milkshake idly with the paper straw, trying your best to ignore your boyfriend. “Look, I’m sorry okay. Whatever it is I’ve done, I’m sorry.” You could tell he was growing frustrated. You hadn’t said anything for over ten minutes.

“You’re always sorry,” you mumbled. You closed your eyes and sighed deeply. You looked up at his face. His jaw was clenched, his nostrils flaring and the vein on his forehead was visible. He was angry. “I’m sick of it Shawn.”

“Sick of what?” He said, exasperated.

The truth was, the past few weeks, Shawn hadn’t been the best boyfriend. He’d been letting you down more frequently than not, cancelling plans or forgetting to even tell you he couldn’t make it. He favoured the studio over nights spent with you. The only reason he was here in this diner with you now was because you had told him you needed ‘crisis talks’. He knew something was wrong, but wasn’t quite sure what was upsetting you so much.

You laughed sadly. “You don’t even know what you’ve done wrong!” Your voice was raised slightly. Shawn didn’t want things to escalate in public, especially since he’d noticed the group of teenage girls that just entered the diner clock him.

“Can you just tell me what’s going on, babe,” he said quietly, attempting to hold your hand across the table. You pulled your hands away quickly, leaving them to rest in your lap. “Please, baby.” His voice cracked as he fought back tears, causing an ache in your chest.

Avoiding eye contact, you fixed your gaze on the traffic outside in the busy streets. “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore, Shawn. Every time we make plans, you cancel, or I show up and wait for two hours before you even reply to my texts to tell me you’re not going to make it. I’m never invited to the studio anymore. You’re being so distant and I’m sat at home ripping myself to shreds trying to figure out what it is I’m doing wrong.” There was a short pause before Shawn opened his mouth to say something. You stopped him before he could. “And don’t you dare say it’s because of your job.”

“But it is!” he defended. You grabbed your bag from the seat next to you and stormed out, not once looking behind you to see if you had followed. “Y/n,” he called. “Jesus,” he mumbled under his breath, grabbing a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and leaving it on the table before racing outside after you. He had noticed the group of girls from earlier had their phones out recording what had just happened, but he didn’t even care that this would probably end up all over the internet later, he just needed his girl back.

He watched you close the door of the cab you just hailed and tried his best to keep up with it as the vehicle sped away. He only managed a few seconds before the cab was already out of his sight.

“No!” he shouted, earning disapproving glances from people passing by. His hands ran through his hair, tugging at the strands as he attempted to steady his breathing, to no avail. “No,” he said again, quieter this time.

Shawn thought about the past month or so, realising now how bad it had looked. Yes, he had been rather distant, but that was only because he was so engrossed with the project he was currently working on. He wanted to finish it as soon as possible so he could share it with you.

He was still frustrated that you had thought he was distancing himself to hurt you - you’d kick yourself once you found out, he knew that. He was angry at himself though, angry that he had let it get this way. Shawn punched the lamppost to his left, immediately regretting his decision. A woman gasped as she walked past the sorry sight of Shawn taking his anger out on the metal post. He nursed his throbbing hand, cursing, and hailed the next cab.

Once he arrived at the apartment you shared, Shawn was disappointed to see you weren’t here. He pulled his phone out from his jeans pocket, about to call you, but was distracted by the flood of text messages from his manager. There were screenshots of hundreds of tweets by fans, all talking about the argument you and him had just had in public. Those girls in the diner, Shawn thought, they must had already posted those videos of the two of you heatedly discussing your relationship. He opened the Twitter app, and there it was, the video of you storming out of the diner and him chasing after you. They’d even managed to record him punching the lamppost. He winced watching the footage, it reminded him how badly his hand was hurting.

An ice pack held to his hand, Shawn dialled your number. To his surprise, you picked up. He prayed you hadn’t seen the footage on Twitter. “What, Shawn?” your tone was icy. It pained him. “What do you want?”

“Just tell me where you are, babe, please. Please just let me explain. I need to see you.” Shawn was desperate now, he couldn’t lose you. It killed him seeing you so upset and angry with him.

“I’m at my mom’s,” you finally said.

“I’m on my way,” he said, grabbing his backpack and stuffing inside his laptop and the gift he was planning on giving to you tonight.

~

Knocking on the door of your mother’s house with his good hand, Shawn chewed his bottom lip nervously. Waiting for your mother to open the front door felt like a lifetime.

“She’s upstairs,” your mother told him. He charged up the stairs and into your room, not bothering to knock on your childhood bedroom door. You were sat on the edge of your bed, cheeks tearstained and eyes bloodshot.

“Y/n,” he said, his voice wobbling as he tried to control his emotions.

“What is going on, Shawn?” you asked. “What have I done that’s made you want to push me away?” Shawn made his way over to you, enveloping you in his strong arms. You tried to fight his touch, but it was no use. Instead you sank into his body, sobbing into his chest.

“Nothing,” he blinked tears away. “Baby, y/n, I promise, you haven’t done a single thing wrong. I was just waiting for the right time to show you what I’ve been working on.”

“What are you talking about?”

Shawn sighed. “Look, yes, now I realise that I probably haven’t gone about this the best way. But there is good reason as to why you haven’t been invited to the studio recently. And I’m sorry I’ve been flaking on you so much, I didn’t even realise how much I was doing it. I was just so excited to get this record finished. I- it’s for you, babe. The sooner I got it finished, the sooner I could ask you- look,” he shrugged the backpack from his shoulders and pulled his laptop out. Logging on, he opened a file titled ‘WYMM’. “I was going to wait till tonight to show you this, but, well- I don’t know. I finished it yesterday. It’s ready. Just watch,” he instructed.

Before you on the laptop screen was a video Shawn had made, compiled of short clips he had taken on his phone of you when you hadn’t noticed. It was a film of your happiest moments as a couple, staying up late in his old apartment, watching the sunset together at the beach, travelling the world together, moving in to the new apartment together, that time he pulled you on stage in front of thousands of people just to tell everyone how much he loved you. Over the video was a track you hadn’t heard before, a love song, sung by Shawn.

It was beautiful.

At the end of the video, text reading ‘look behind you’ came up on screen. Confused, you turned around, seeing only the headboard of your bed.

“Oh,” Shawn said hastily. “Well, uhm, when I was going to show you this, tonight, erm, I was going to be behind you, on one knee, and, wait a sec,” Shawn delved back into his backpack, pulling out a small velvet box.

“Shawn,” you said, shocked and confused as you realised what was happening.

“-and then I was going to ask you to marry me.” Shawn opened up the box, revealing the most beautiful engagement ring you had ever seen. You were speechless. Shawn cleared his throat. “I get that I’ve been a bit of an idiot recently, I didn’t mean to, I promise. I’ve been working a lot, I know. But I bought this ring last month and then I had this idea about this video and this song and I just wanted it finished as quick as I could so I could ask you to be my wife.”

Tears were falling down your cheeks again, but this time with happiness.

“And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for upsetting you so much,” he continued. “But y/n, baby, please, will you marry me?”

“God, I feel so stupid,” you laughed, wiping the tears from your cheeks as Shawn looked at you expectantly. “Yes. Yes I’ll marry you.”

Shawn smiled and kissed you hard before pushing the ring onto the fourth finger of your left hand. It fit perfectly. After a few minutes of ‘I love you’s and passionate kisses, you noticed Shawn’s hand, bruised and bloody.

“Jesus, baby, what happened?” You asked, inspecting the damage.

“Lamppost,” he shrugged.

“Let me clean it up for you,” you said, standing up to find the first aid kit buried in one of your drawers.

“Thank you, my fiancée,” he said, making you smile.