#Cyanide Sisters

[positivelyapunovexponent-good]

I’m playing the sketchy undertaker in the murder mystery dinner my friends are hosting and I am VERY excited

Name: Bartholomew Eberhardt IV of “Eberhardt and Sons Embalming, Entertainment, et cetera”

Likes: the smell of embalming fluid, collecting the skulls of small rodents

Dislikes: gossips

(my little sister did costuming, hair and makeup- it was really fun)

[sebastianswallows]

The Little Death — 2. A dream of life

— PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Bene Gesserit!Reader

— SYNOPSIS: A Bene Gesserit gets left behind in the Arrakeen palace. When Feyd becomes the Planetary Governor, he finds her there in hiding. The Harkonnens don't traditionally keep them as truthsayers or concubines like other Houses do, but Feyd might have a use for her. After all, he's never had a Bene Gesserit of his own before.

— WARNINGS: a bit of voyeurism

— WORDCOUNT: 2.4k

— TAGLIST: @elf-punk

The best art imitates life in a compelling way. If it imitates a dream, it must be a dream of life. — Darwi Odrade

She confessed with regret that she did not, in fact, have one of those pain boxes. A Gom Jabbar was available in the palace and in fact was in the Harkonnen's possession as far as she knew, but that was just a poisoned needle tipped with meta-cyanide. What he was after was the… active part of the humanity test. That was only at the disposal of those sisters qualified to carry it out.

She was certain Feyd would do away with her once she explained how and why she didn’t have what he was after and prepared herself internally for death. But it never came. He paused in thought and nodded, and his cool eyes moved away from her with a shadow of sadness to them. Then he turned around, his broad shoulders clad in black exposed to her, and walked toward the table.

“You will come with me.”

He picked up a shigawire reel and shoved it in a compartment of his suit, a small pocket at the side of his chest, then walked right by her on his way out of the room. She followed obediently.

The palace was quiet, free of the usual fuss that filled it during the day — servants scrambling, scraping like traumatised automatons just trying to survive — but as they walked past the way she came she heard a violent sound from the direction where her old room was. They’re destroying my things, she realised.

Her eyes turned to Feyd-Rautha’s back once more, the smooth black of his clothes and white of his skin, and she wondered what plans he had for her. Would he be more subtle with his killing than his brother was, or… more creative? Would she be able to use the stunning word and paralyse him in time to get away? Would she have to kill him instead?

“Am I going too fast for you?” he asked over his shoulder. It was not an honest question, as she could tell from the smile in his voice.

“No?”

“Funny. I can hear you breathing.”

She bit her lip and glared at the back of his head.

They passed from the most shadowed places of the palace into the well-lit ones where snow-white lamps hung in the air. There were more guards in this area too, and she gradually realised they weren’t going to the prisons. They were going to his quarters.

“After you,” he said, stopping in front of a jaundiced pair of double doors guarded on each side by armed guards as still as statues.

She looked up at him warily as she stepped forward. He was still smiling in that cocky, boyish way, but something was incongruent. His awkward pose — not quite facing her, not quite to the side — the bent of his back as if he tried to make himself seem shorter, his arms somewhat aimless at his sides… He was trying to be polite and he didn’t know how.

She stepped inside. His room was nothing like what she imagined. The natural pale yellow of the Arrakeen stone gave it a softness that was at odds with the black linens on the massive bed. Moonlight streamed from the twin window slits on the opposite wall, and on the smooth tables lay an array of little boxes, pots, and cases left half-opened. There was a scent of ink there that cut through the modest smell of disinfectant. He’d only just moved in… He hadn’t had a chance to make the place his own yet.

As she analysed these new surroundings, Feyd stepped in and the doors closed behind them, leaving them alone. The palace seemed all the more distant now.

“My lord na-Baron?”

“Hm?” he muttered as he walked right past her, going to place something inside a drawer by the bed — the shigawire reel.

“W-what… what would you have me do?”

“You can do whatever you like.”

Her eyes slid toward the door. “Can I leave?”

She didn’t expect him to say ‘yes’, but she expected even less what he said next.

“Leave?” he chuckled, looking at her over his shoulder. “Where would you go? You’re my Bene Gesserit now.”

And he continued preparing himself for the night as if it was the most normal of circumstances. A part of her, the most human part, felt offended, but from the periphery of her mind, her training whispered to her what was really going on.

Feyd-Rautha kept his back turned and his attention on the objects in his possession — diskettes of reports he sorted for later reading, the daggers at his belt, the signet ring around his finger — and he spoke to her most dismissively and distantly. He was treating her like a stray cat he had just found and brought into his bedroom. Now he was letting her explore her new home, but he still did not dare to look at her directly, to watch her as openly as he desired. In his every move, however casual, there was nervous self-awareness. Completely opposite to how confident he’d been before he met her.

She’d served the Fenrings before, and the Atreides after them, but until now she had never quite felt owned. Still, if it was a kitten the Harkonnen wanted, that was what she would provide.

Without addressing him, she stepped sideways and turned, letting her posture loosen. Her head tilted back in a light stretch to relieve the tension of expecting death. She moved in a wide arch, slow steps, small sounds, while her fingers traced the surface of the wall for no reason in particular, just to absorb its texture.

“Why do you want me?” she asked in a low and silky voice. Seduction seldom failed with arrogant young men.

“I told you,” answered Feyd rather too quickly, his head bowed as he pretended to clean one of his blades.

“You’ve never had a Bene Gesserit of your own…”

“And it’s about time to have one.”

“Would the Baron approve?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, finally looking up at her. He smiled at the sight of her slinking across the room, dark dress trailing behind her. “Things can change, even in House Harkonnen.”

She paused mid-step to smile back at him. “Changes awaken something in us…”

He gave a noncommital hum and started walking to her, his head tilted in a thoughtful way.

“What sort of things do they teach you?” he asked. “At your… Bene Gesserit school?”

“Many things,” she said with an inviting tone. “Control of the self, the mind, the body… Understanding of history. Political strategy.”

Feyd came to a stop before her, a trepidation into his step. He walked until he cornered her in a darkened divot of the room. Standing a full head taller, he looked down into her eyes.

“What do you want to know?” she whispered.

He frowned, that strange smooth brow ridge wrinkling quite innocently, and his eyes betrayed transparent thoughts. He didn’t know what he wanted to know, but he knew he wanted something.

“What does… a Bene Gesserit do?”

“That depends on what our master wishes.”

“But what do you usually do?”

“We teach. We advise. When asked, we serve.”

“Did Paul Atreides have one?”

“Yes. His mother, Lady Jessica.”

The hints of jealousy were faint. There wasn’t much to envy in the dead… But he looked at her with that strange look in his eyes again, that speck of a little boy lost, and something in her instinctively wanted to cup his cheek, to pet him, and hold him close. She did not doubt that something inside of him wanted it too, and her body was just responding to the subconscious observation.

“Can you kill?” he asked.

“If I have to.”

“And have you?”

“Not yet.”

“In that way, I’m better than you, Bene Gesserit,” he chuckled.

And suddenly, his hand came up to grip the back of her neck. She was startled by how quick the movement was, how his body gave no tells that he would make it. A true predator. He pulled her closer, strong fingers tightening against her nape, pressing her against him. Beneath his armour, the plates of his body were strong. Every feminine part of her responded with a cascade of lust — not at the hidden hint of beauty but at the symbol of his pride. He wasn’t just a pampered princeling living through his allotted years of beauty. He brought his body to the peak of its potential. The motion pulled the veil off her head, and his eyes went to her soft mane of hair. His grip stayed firm, but his gaze traversed this new part of her as if it were a landscape, with hills and dales and quiet streams, all flowing down.

“Na-Baron,” she whispered, hand coming up to grip his wrist.

“Shut up,” he said, blue eyes still focused on her hair. “Go to sleep.” And then he let her go.

He turned from her and walked away with the energy of someone ready to run off — but there was nowhere for him to go, and his steps slowed. She watched him as she rubbed the sore back of her neck, watched how his head bowed for a moment as if he’d just woken up, how he walked toward the large square bed, how he started taking his clothes off…

He was a strange sight indeed. A broken psyche that reflected the duality present in his features — cold and frightful, soft and gentle, brutal but not so much from the absence of affection as from the presence of cruelty on top.

“Where shall I sleep?”

“Hm? Oh…” He looked around as if only just considering that fact. “Whenever you like,” he said, giving up quickly on thinking about it. “But here, in this room. You don’t get out of my sight, little witch. Not until I decide I can trust you.”

He pulled the layers of clothes off. First the armour on his back and shoulders, then the belt around his hips, and the second skin of the black suit that hugged his body.

“And… what shall I wear to bed?”

He paused and turned to look at her. His chest was as white as his face, but strong and chiselled, far less delicate. It shone with the sweat of a long day beneath the yellow light.

“Wear?” he rasped, his lips twisted in a quizzical smile. “Why should you wear anything?”

She settled for sleeping in a chair in a corner of the room. Feyd had gone to sleep completely naked, and he’d not been shy of parading his body around. She watched without fear, without shame, taking note of all the ways his muscles worked, the stretch and give of the skin, the scent of sweat, of blood.

Noting how much he seemed to like her hair, she did not cover it again, and after he fell asleep she quietly took the top layer of her clothing off. The Harkonnens were used to having their servants quite exposed, but she was not about to give him cause to think that that was what she was. If she wanted to survive, she had to walk the tightrope of perception. She had to be above him, as well as below. A knowledgeable Bene Gesserit sister, with all the guileless charm of a kitten.

She remained in her shift, a long grey piece held up by two thin straps, and used her dress as a blanket. She did now sleep but instead pretended to as she entered a state of Prajna meditation.

The secret pathways out of the room became known to her, faint currents invisible to the conscious mind. A spy hole existed in the western wall, covered on both sides by thin material. To the north, a doorway with no handle led into another room. Beyond it, sounds of restless sleeping. Three figures — feminine? Outside, the guards stood watch, but one was close to sleeping.

She was almost at the point where exhaustion caught up with her too, and like a slow receding wave her meditation ended. Her body lay relaxed and limp, head resting on her shoulder, hands folded. But with the last thread of her extended senses, she caught the taste of struggle in the room. Rapid heartbeat, frantic breathing, shifting eyes behind closed lids. Feyd-Rautha was dreaming.

Soundlessly, she slid off the chair and left her dress on it. The floor beneath her naked feet was cold as ice, it made her want to shiver, but she maintained control of every muscle as she walked toward the bed. Feyd’s body was twisted in the silken sheets, twitching, tense. Jolts disturbed his restful state as if in his mind he tried to get away from something. She could almost see the phantom trace of touches on his skin.

He slept on his front, arms thrown above his head, legs spread. His tossing made the sheets slip off his back to reveal a taut, tense expanse that ended in soft cheeks. Beneath them, the faintest hint of hairless, purpling swells and a limp length. He was so vulnerable…

As she got closer, she could hear him mutter words in a foreign language. Was that what they spoke on Giedi Prime? She could make out influences of galactic language all the way to those of the old Earth, but it was just enough to only guess what he was saying. The tone, nevertheless, was clear. He’s afraid, she thought.

She crouched at the edge of the bed where his naked foot hung off the side, her brow crested with worry. He was dangerous, she dared not touch him, and however much she wanted to wake him as a simple human kindness she wanted even more to see where his nightmares led.

With a long and frightful wail muffled by the pillows, Feyd dragged his strong beautiful body upwards, curling like a snake. He pulled his knees up to his chest and started shaking. Every now and then, his foot would kick. The sign of running in a dream. The whiteness of his body, pure and pale as chalk, the hairlessness of even his masculine parts, it made him look so fragile, so defenceless. A fascinating specimen. To think, the step just before the Kwisatz Haderach would look like that...

She let her body fall down to the floor and propped herself against the mattress, her cheek upon the bed. And she watched him, following the shadow of his dreams, for as long as the night went.

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Quotes:

"If you've ever had the chance to try a raw cocoa bean, you will realize that the aroma pretty much doesn't have anything to do with the conventional milk chocolate," Krug says.

That's because chocolate's aroma forms during the fermentation and roasting of the cocoa bean. Krug and her colleagues tried fermenting and roasting more than a hundred other ingredients, including apricot pits*, olive kernels, jackfruit seeds and potato peels, until they finally settled on oats and sunflower seeds.

*Apricot Pits?! I thought they had cyanide in them...

The goal for ChoViva isn't to replace chocolate entirely, says Max Marquart, who runs the business side of Planet A Foods. Instead, he hopes to replace chocolate in applications where it's merely an ingredient in a larger product. He cites candies like M&M's and Snickers bars or even cereal or ice cream with chocolate chunks.

@athelind (and anyone else allergic to chocolate): I hope this becomes a viable and widespread alternative for you.

[catindabag]

Since I had a good drink with my THG buddies again, I’m just gonna drop my personal TOP 10 favorite TBOSAS fanfics of the month. My previous list is [this] if anyone wants to read. Cheers!

So here they are:

1. With Age Comes Love by morelikediscordinated

It’s that Snowjanus story that surprisingly pulled all of my heartstrings in one sitting. It includes a lot of kissing and some misunderstandings here and there. However, it gave us delulu folks the happy ending that we secretly want from our two walking disasters.😘

2. Arrangements by helloimdeadinside

It’s a greatly written ongoing Snowjanus story that features two awkward teenagers who were arranged to be married by a scheming Strabo Plinth because of political reasons. To be fair, Grandma’am was the one who agreed to the match. So enjoy~.😏

3. Hear it call to me, constantly by ColorMeHappy

It’s a great Snowjanus story within an ongoing series that features a lot of crying from Sejanus and a world changing breakdown from Coryo. 10/10. Would read again.

4. Hate is a strong word by KatcadeCascade

This is one of my personal favorite Snowjanus oneshots ever. That’s it. That’s all I can say. So just start reading this masterpiece while I’ll start eating some Gouda cheese.

5. To Where She Flew by madzdolin

It’s a greatly written ongoing SnowBaird story that explores a lot of different “What Ifs” to make a compelling narrative. Also, we got your usual amnesia trope, redemption arcs, well written side characters, and Capitol conspiracies.

6. Blood of my blood by loveshazel

This is the SnowBaird story where Coryo’s parents are still alive and kicking along with their irreversible war traumas. Also, our poor cabbage boy’s little sister is there too.

7. A Bird in the Hand by horrormoviebarbie

This is that ongoing SnowBaird story where crazy Coryo is trying his best to fight off his destined redemption arc until he gives up and joins the good side unwillingly.😭🤣

8. Nothing Burns Like The Snow by evilweasel

This ongoing SnowBaird story features our favorite Crazy Peepaw Snow living his best life with Sweet Meemaw Baird. Meanwhile, Katniss and fam are starving and the only thing she wants in order for Prim to survive is by adopting the old crazy couple whether they like it or not. And Crazy Peepaw Plinth is also alive, I guess?

9. i deserve it, don’t i by ColorMeHappy

This greatly written Snowjanus oneshot is really sweet and is filled with sweets. I mean, it literally features a starving Coryo wanting to eat chocolates and cookies. So Sejanus bakes and provides for his poor cabbage boy.

10. Cyanide Dipped Roses by Angelsbite_demonkiss

It’s that ongoing Snowjanus Omegaverse that features a desperate Coryo who was forced to change his dreams and future plans because of his omega status. And because freaking Dean Highbottom bent the rules again out of spite. So the only way to secure the House of Snow’s future is to marry a rich man who is willing to provide everything for our poor cabbage boy. #SugarBabyCoryoSnowisonthemove

SPECIAL MENTION: These TBOSAS stories are also great to read on the weekend.😉

1. The Capitol’s Dilemma by way_too_many_fandoms

2. Red skirt by Blue_green_purple

3. Hand in hand (me on my knees) by DevHasIssues

4. Like Melting Snow by egg_thief

5. the line between hoping and hurting by asbealthgn

6. I’d Like To Go Home Now. Please. by Aabbott91206

7. The Peacekeeper by killmymindlarry

8. The cost of Honey by aquietcloud

9. this private war of mine by liteacademeia

10. Somewhere Along the way our Lives Entertwined by DevHasIssues

[zones-spinterest-corner]

Fuck it, why not end out the year with some TPC headcanons :] (but only the characters I have headcanons for)

Cube:

Half-monster, freakishly tall and strong (even by cube standards) because of it

Has a rather soft voice, you know when he’s angry because that softness goes outta the window

He’s muscular, but not in the dehydrated “sexy” sense, but in the actual strongman sense

WILL crush your back in a hug

Iris:

Posh twat /aff

Morally questionable at the beginning, gets sense knocked into him and is now trying to unlearn some harmful rhetoric he learned growing up

Paradise’s most hated man /hj

Malewife

Seems like he’d be a tea drinker only, actually prefers coffee

Wasn’t revived by Calcifer/The Reaper, was instead revived by Prism/the Trees due to being needed as a caretaker (Calcifer refused to revive him)

Pentellow:

Southern. She’s southern you can’t convince me otherwise

The only competent caretaker

Lowkey shit at cooking, can make a mean apple pie though

Reckless due to the natural polygon durability boost, worries the shit out of the others on a daily basis

Likes dirt

Girlboss (if Iris is the malewife she’s the girlboss I’m sorry)

Pyrare:

Kind of a cryptid, will appear behind you ominously and scare you when he asks if you want casserole for dinner

Aromantic, but not asexual (I mean. Britt never said anything about his sexual orientation, just his romantic one, so I can hc him as aroallo if I want) (besides, he’s got a canon son lmao)

Likely autistic, but has lived for longer than the concept of autism in society so therefore he can’t possibly have it (he very much can)

Very flat voice, rarely has tonal changes unless he’s like. Really feeling an emotion

Ajacent:

Gossip machine, will find out the latest tea and spill it to her friends

Doesn’t live in the mountains anymore and doesn’t communicate with her sisters often either (hmm I wonder why)

Not a fan of the heroes, she finds them a little too child-like (she’s not a fan of children in general)

Circubit:

Fat and proud of it <3

Really good at playing the piano thanks to his mother, though he prefers an electric keyboard

One of Ajacent’s gossip buddies

Does not like Lythorus due to Lycanthropy being the most unlikeable fucker in existence (Lyth is better in that regard but Circubit still hates him lmao)

Learning robotics purely to maintain Cyanogen (Cyanide)’s body, gets frustrated with it easily

Gold:

Snake boy (hc adopted from MugzyMiik/October)

Has a small hiss to his speech

Takes after Pyrare in being the cryptid of the heroes

Likes fluffy things :3

Tsavorite:

Literal embodiment of :3

Impossible to hate, he’s too nice to everyone

First hero to truly bond with Cyanogen

Learning some recipes left over by Pentellow’s mom (she can’t cook but he can)

LOVES pie, no matter if sweet or savoury (though he’s particularly fond of cheese and onion pies)

Orange:

Nicknamed “grapefruit” by Iris, only lets him, Pente and Tsav call him that

The most laid back of the heroes

Has very fluffy hair under his hat

A little protective of Tsav (they’re brothers don’t take this the wrong way)

Has a sweet tooth

Cyan:

Filled with RAGE

Cube has to stop him from fistfighting Dub on a near daily basis

Annoying lil shit

Still wary of Cyanogen, hasn’t taken the time to bond with her

Lowkey racist towards pink shapes even though they’re harmless and natural now

Desperately needs a reality check

Cyanogen:

Wants to bond with Cyan, but is scared of him

Has at least 4GB of memes downloaded onto her, will rickroll you at any given opportunity

Cheeky, likes to pull pranks

Changed her name from Cyanide because she didn’t want to be named after a literal poison anymore </3

Caretaker is Circubit :3

[jovieinramshackle]

Jovie 🎀 - Main Inspirations

This was fun...

The Sanderson Sisters — Hocus Pocus (1993 & 2022) Evie — Descendants (2015/17/19) Sally — The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) Ariel — The Little Mermaid (1989)

Template | Dividers

tag list: @ramshacklerumble @thehollowwriter @summerspook @scint1llat3 @skriblee-ksk

@cyanide-latte @twistedwonderlandshenanigans @oya-oya-okay @viperbunnies (lmk/dm if you wanna be added)

[pixelated-screaming]

OK, SINCE IT'S NEW YEARS (I'm late but whatever /hj)

IM GONNA MAKE SOME TPC PREDICTIONS CUZ WHY NOT

First of all, to get the elephant out of the room here, Iris is definitely gonna get corrupted, or at least get VERY close to being corrupted. If you've seen s2e4, you probably know why I'm saying this, and I'm prolly not gonna elaborate to not spoil it. ^^

Also, I think that Cubic is gonna come back some time in season 2. The reason I'm saying this is just a tiny detail ig. Y'know how Cube got his scar back in late season 1? Well, uhh, looking at the times he was showed in s2, it looks like Cube's scar is getting ever so slightly bigger to me, which could mean that Cube is getting more and more corrupted. I have no idea why Cube hasn't been showing any symptoms with a scar THAT big. Maybe he's asymptomatic? Idk (This one was inspired by @witchandstrawberry)

Iris, Cubic/Cube, Pyrare, and Dub are all about to get HUUUUGE lore drops. That's just what I think.

Also, I wanna throw in that I think that Iris is NOT gonna get along with the groups in the Land of Spheres. I feel like that would be a neat concept.

The Reaper is probably gonna get purified some time after they go after Iris. (I hope i got reapers pronouns right-) Seeing how Ajaceare and Cyanide (who i didn't even think COULD get purified until s2e4) got their asses handed to them, I can see it happening.

I feel like one of the Aja sisters is gonna rush back to the Heroes and/or Caretakers and warn them about something. Ajavex specifically, since she can fly.

I think that if Iris gets corrupted, he will either get purified almost INSTANTLY, or he'll last for the rest of season 2. (Or close to the rest of s2.)

So yeah, just some predictions! These are simply what I think would happen. I could be entirely wrong with these.

(go wild- /sillyj)

[mugzymiik]

guess who has a new au centered around Bug again /silly

info under the cut

OK!!! SO. this AU takes the path of what Forest Fire AU was meant to be before FF became. well. FF. anyways Yeah!!! FF was meant to be an AU where Bug joined the corrupts but then she burned down god and murdered Gold and pissed off Tsavorite and um Yeah!

anywho. its called Octagram AU And i love it so much already

still gotta figure stuff out but what i got rn is that:

she ends up joining the corrupts out of spite for the Heroes -- and also to get away from Redd

its kinda like a found family situation

Maybe, Just Maybe . . . Woah! Bug Is Actually Likeable In An AU Other Than Canon! /silly

the corrupts stage aer using corrupt tree pieces maybe. most likely yeah. she doesn't have as much a connection to the tree obviously to where it wouldn't hurt her like the other heroes- alongside the fact that the pieces still have some sort of Tree Power™ in them which also contributes to the corrupt tree piece not hurting her, and staging her. if that makes any sense

maybe the corrupts try and call her Wasp (or Octagram, thatd be funny) as like a fake corrupt name or smth but they just end up going "fuck it" and just calling her by her actual name 😭😭

she and Cyanide r like sisters I don't make the rules /silly

[simplegenius042]

Music Monday & "Every Friend Group Has The..." Template

Tagging @josephseedismyfather @voidika @imogenkol @socially-awkward-skeleton @inafieldofdaisies @aceghosts @cloudofbutterflies92 @cassietrn @direwombat @noodlecupcakes @adelaidedrubman @raresvtm @derelictheretic @davrinsgriffons @shallow-gravy @strangefable @statichvm @carlosoliveiraa @g0dspeeed @wrathfulrook @starsandskies @ladyoriza @la-grosse-patate @thewanderer-000 @omen-speaker @alypink @shellibisshe @josephslittledeputy @skoll-sun-eater @afarcryfrommymain @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @florbelles @minilev @justasmolbard @yokobai and @seedsplease + anyone else who'd like to join.

Music Monday for The UnTitledverse, An Old Ballad Of Chance And Ember Hearts Trilogy and A Radioactive Calamity Of Love, Bombs & Gore. This time I'm doing another special round but for my favorite songs from Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (or Hellaverse as I've heard it be called) and how those songs fit into my wacky worlds and stuff. Plus a "Every Friend Group Has The..." Template for Life, Despair & Monsters. Anyway, enjoy listening to the first batch of songs and you'll find the template below the cut:

Smile Tunes is a crossover fic (is it really a crossover if their in the same universe?) for Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss in my The UnTitledverse series, focusing on both story lines (which eventually overlap) through the connection/interaction of three OCs; Samuel Who (the Morningstar's adopted son royal advisor who had been tasked by Lilith to look out for his adoptive sister, I mean, the royal heir, Charlie Morningstar), Killian "Krunk" Glass (a shark demon runt from the Greed Ring, now an IMP employee who's basically demolition expert aka the EXPLOSIVES GUY (TM) and occasionally makes the assassinations "look like an accident", despite not knowing how accidents occur for humans), and lastly Kingsley (who seems to be an exorcist, a really tall one, is assumed to have gotten lost in the Pride Ring since the last Extermination and has a bit of the old amnesia to boot, he mostly stays at the Hotel), with Kingsley being a central plot line for both Samuel and Killian to investigate, while Killian and Samuel get involved in romance and since Samuel is basically part of the Morningstar Royal Family, he's able to visit the HB plot line, just as Killian can enter the HH plot line because he's doing the most work for Samuel on the "investigating Kingsley" sub plot. Anyway, focusing on Killian, he's basically the demolition expert aka the EXPLOSIVES GUY (TM), and is often tasked with cleaning up after the group to at least make some of the assassinations look like an accident. Killian likes his boss Blitzo well enough, though is kind of sour about the whole Stolitz situation as he's all about "EATING THE RICH" (until he meets Samuel and eats out the rich), he begins on neutral terms with Moxxie and Millie (who don't hate him but are distant from him mostly due to his slight resemblance to Chaz Thurman) but he begins to bond with them over time (Moxxie and Killian start bonding over their respective roles as weapon and demolition expert, while Millie and Killian start bonding over a shared disdain towards Chaz). He and Loona mostly grunt at each other with head motions/gestures (Killian's wise enough to not upset a short-tempered Hound Demon, in addition to the fact Loona's the boss' daughter), though he does occasionally snicker at her insults. He really, really, really loves his job. Have a listen to the Jingle below:

"When you want somebody gone and you don't wanna wait too long Call the Immediate Murder Professionals! Hand grenade or cyanide, we'll make it look like suicide! The Immediate Murder Professionals! We do our jobs so well, because we come straight up from Hell! We'll kill your husband or your wife, we'll even let you keep the knife! We're the Immediate Murder Prodession-!"

("Kids die for free!")

In the first book of my original trilogy An Old Ballad Of Chance And Ember Hearts, the main antagonists to my pair of protagonists is a trio of Kin who hold control over the cosmos/stars and are entities full of contradictions and paradoxes; their names are Noir, Nova and Noa. They follow the protagonists through their in the Multiverse, acting as nuisances towards both of them. Did I mention that Noir, Nova and Noa may or may not be the same person who came from one or the other or not at all while also maybe or maybe not being brother & sister/father or mother & son/s or daughter who may or may not be in a relationship because they may not be related or maybe they are related or-

Anyway, those deranged and messy and questionable and ambiguous trio dynamics aside, how 'bout some envisioning of Noir singing this song with Noa and Nova when confronting the two human explorers encroaching on their territory:

"Inside of every human* is a lost cause, ha But we'll dress them up for now with just a smile ("Wicked smile!") And we'll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair And show these simpletons some proper class and style ("Class and style!") Oh, here below the ground, I'm sure your plan is sound."

[* Noir would be speaking with the two protagonists, who are the first HUMAN travelers of the Multiverse, so demon wouldn't make sense in this context].

Last song with my Fallout New Vegas Courier Six OC Ryder as the focus and (one of) her love interest's sister Marissa "Ress" Bishop as a support. I detail this as more specifically Ryder chasing her never-ending ambitions no matter the cost, which results in her committing actions that leave her isolated, used by bad influences, feeling lacking/empty inside and seeking out new highs to satisfy or distract her from that endless pit (gaining more power/influence/knowledge for the former and sex/drugs/violence for the latter). Ress acts as the person trying to temper this to a least less harmful degree, even while she's definitely contributing to Ryder's behaviors as well, as she too has wants a satisfying life making a name for herself while indulging in her vices, though not to the extent of Ryder's ambitions. Michael Kovac's section of lyrics describes Ryder while Chi-Chi's section more-or-less kind of describes Ress. [TW: Please read the warning at the beginning of the video... unless you're just listening to it, though the lyrics have heavy subject matter in them]

"Til death do us part But we're already past that phase This is a brand new start And I think I deserve some praise For the way that I am Despite having overdosed, and ending up comatose I don't give a damn I've let my emotions go, fuck being a sober hoe This is the mantra, this is my life You're playing with now till the end of the night Surrounded by fire, the passion ignites A hit of that heaven and hell, a hell of a high!"

"I'm addicted to the madness This casino* is my atlantis We're forever gonna have a fucking reason to sin Let me leave my soul to burn and I'll be breathing it in I'm addicted to the feeling Getting higher than the ceiling And we're never gonna want this fucking feeling to end Just concede and give in to your inner demons again!"

"Yeah, you fell in love But you fell deeper in this pit While death rains from above So count your blessings 'cause this is it You're not letting it go So what if I misbehave, it's what everybody craves You already know So come if you're feeling brave, and fancy yourself a mate You want it, I got it, see what you like? We could have it all by the end of the night Your money and power, my sinful delight A hit of that heaven and hell, a hell of a delight!"

"I'm addicted to the madness This casino is my atlantis." "We're forever gonna have a fucking reason to sin." "Let me leave my soul to burn and I'll be breathing it in." I'm addicted to the feeling Getting higher than the ceiling And we're never gonna want this fucking feeling to end Just concede and give in to your inner demons again!" "Just concede and give in to your inner demons again."

"I'm addicted to the madness This casino is my atlantis. We're forever gonna have a fucking reason to sin. Let me leave my soul to burn and I'll be breathing it in. I'm addicted to the feeling Getting higher than the ceiling And we're never gonna want this fucking feeling to end Just concede and give in to your inner demons again!"

("One, two. One, two, three, c'mon!")

"I'm addicted to the feeling Getting higher than the ceiling And we're never gonna want this fucking feeling to end Just concede and give in to your inner demons again!"

"I'm addicted to the sorrow When the buzz ends by tomorrow There's another rush of poison flowing into my veins Giving me a dose of pleasure that resides by the pain I'm addicted, I'm dependent Looking awesome, feeling helpless And I know I'm raising cane by every highway in hell Maybe things won't be so terrible inside this casino."

[* Casino instead of hotel since the Lucky 38 is where Ryder's base of operations tends to be since she came into the Mojave.]

This friend group from Life, Despair & Monsters includes Monika (from Doki Doki Literature Club), her sibling Haoyu Anabuki, their (future) boyfriend Icarus Galatos, his rather delinquent alter Xavier Tulip, his more sweeter idealistic alter Hatsukami Hinode and his friend Marinette Dupain-Cheng (from Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir) as...

Blank Template below:

[thehollowwriter]

The Official Bio of Silas Clearcove

Basic Info:

Name: Silas Clearcove

Homeland: The Coral Sea, though he was originally born in the Abyss

Species: Cookie cutter shark mer

Birthday: 12th June

Age: 60

Height/length: 153cm

Dominant hand: Right

Occupation: Butcher

Unique magic: Silas never gave it a name, but he can drain other people's magic (or life force of he really pushes) to fuel his own magic and get rid of blot. He almost never uses it.

Family:

Son: Finn Clearcove

Son: @/distant-velleity 's Chrysos Pendentif (adopted)

Husband: Morrigan Clearcove (deceased)

Unnamed mother-in-law and father-in-law

Unnamed grandfather (deceased)

Sister: Mei (deceased)

Unnamed mother and father (deceased)

Several unnamed siblings and cousins (deceased)

Preferences:

Hobbies: Reading, gardening

Likes: Cooking, music, puzzles, learning new things

Dislikes: Tight spaces, large crowds, the more human appearing mers

Favourite food: Clam Chowder

Least favourite food: Triggerfish

Appearance:

Silas has amthyst eyes and long, curly dark purple hair and beard. His skin, scales, and tail are dark purple with peculiar black markings in some places, and his enture body is riddled with scar tissue. His fins are full of holes and tears. His claws are long, sharp, and black. His teeth are long and sharp and scary. He has visible stretch marks, and he's (finally) starting to get a bit chubby.

Silas has a band of black scales around his neck, and from just below that all the way to his navel are photophores that glow in the dark, which helps him camouflage and can even make him look like a school of fish from below.

Obviously, as a mer, he doesn't wear clothes, but he does wear both his and his husband's courting gifts to each other: necklaces of orca teeth and shell, each has a volute and skeletal murex shell respectively. He wears a ribcage around part of his tail as decor. Sometimes he wears his wedding jewellery as well.

Personality:

Silas is a gruff, quiet, and serious man with a bit of a sadistic streak. He does have a general no-nonsense attitude, but he is very warm and loving to Finn (and later on Chrysos) and does his best to raise Finn with the love and support he needs. He wants Finn to make friends and is the one who encouraged him to go to NRC in the first place. He's very protective and is aggressive on rare occasions (unlike when he was younger). He's clever and is prone to sarcastic or dry humour. Don't be fooled, he's quite kind when he wants to be, just few get to see it.

Some Fun Facts/Extra Info:

•Silas supplies Mrs Ashengrotto (and later on Azul) with fish along with other meats for her restaurant

•He has a deal with the tweels' parents in which he disposes of their unwanted "prey" (cough enemies cough) in return for their protection

•He is a very powerful sorcerer that is well versed in Abyssal magic

•He can see Finn's siblings as well and doesn't know what to do about them. He wishes they didn't scare Finn so much

•Azul is quite intimidated by him, lol

•Silas likes the octotrio and considers them a good match for Finn

•He allows older teens looking for extra income to work for him part-time

•He's got a soft spot for kids (teens count as kids too to him)

Some art of him I did (click to show) I had to trace the body and face for the one on the left lol

And a drawing of Silas but @/the-trinket-witch with their oc Rajesh

Fic Masterlist

Tagging: @distant-velleity @krenenbaker @cyanide-latte @boopshoops @the-banana-0verlord

@kitwasnothere @officialdaydreamer00 @whspermy-name @theleechyskrunkly

@oya-oya-okay @cynthinesia @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy

@the-trinket-witch @offorestsongs @ghostiidasponk, here's Papa Clearcove!

If anyone wants to draw him, feel free to! Just be sure to tag me ^^

@poisoned-pearls @ramshacklerumble @natsukishinomiyaswife

[crimeronan]

this is a little contrived But luz is just going to like. randomly pass out a couple of hours after this hunter guy came. and she wont wake up. and vee Immediately recognizes the taste of magic on her. and she raises Hell.

and she traces his steps. and somehow, someway, the portal is left a crack open. so now eberwolf, amity, steve, and any willing guard member have to fight off this Fucking Basilisk whos about to super murder slaughter raine darius and hunter. Fun Drama/Trauma for everyone.

I LOVE CONTRIVED EXCUSES FOR CHARACTERS TO GO FULL MURDER MODE.

ESPECIALLY in this case. vee up to this point has been like wow! i hope i never see the isles again for as long as i live. love the human realm, love being a human in it, i would straight-up eat a cyanide pill before i let anyone take me back there. fuck the demon realm actually!!

and then she has luz. and everything she thought she knew about luz was wrong. and LUZ should ALSO never go back to the demon realm. or be touched by anything in it ever again. or have anything to do with magic ever again.

vee having spent So Long getting to know this girl and being her big sister and helping her navigate the human realm and watching her slowly pick up the pieces of her life.... vee loving luz SO MUCHHH.

and then hunter shows up. and Does Something To Her. and vee is going to lose her if she doesn't find out what's wrong.

vee bursting through the portal like HELLOOOO BOILING ISLES!!! 💕💕💕 IT IS I!! 😁 TERROR NIGHTMARE HELLSCAPE EVIL OF THE DEEP!! 😜 I'M GONNA SHOW YOU WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT! 👏 US! 👏 EXTINCT!!!! 🥳😇😂🤪🤭😎🤠

[elfieafterdark]

Violabeth wasn't exactly sure what she was getting into, fostering such a troubled young girl. But she was well off, had plenty of time and love for her twins, and so it felt natural for one more.

The girl was of Maori descent, so Violabeth spends time brushing up on their culture. So Harrow had something familiar.

Turns out that was a waste of time. The poor girl has absolutely no idea about her heritage. She doesn't even know what the word Maori means. Or much of anything really.

Harrow is tiny. Small, scrawny, a wafer of a child. Clearly malnourished, extremely skittish, and horrified by nearly every part of modern life. Poor thing. It's all so terrible.

Harrow screamed When Coronabeth turned on the TV for the first time, and she calls it a demon box with ghosts in it. She's terrified of the radio for the same reasons. She is 10, she has never seen a television before, and her birth parents were insane.

Viola can hardly fathom it, the scope of tragedy this little girl has been through. To think that a mother could be okay with poisoning her daughter in the name of "salvation". Make no mistake, Viola is privately religious... But never like that.

Harrow stares suspiciously at her dinner. Glaring at it with tiny malice. Ianthe tries to coax her into trying it, saying that it's really good and you'll enjoy it. Beth just goes to town on her own.

Little charcoal eyes look up at Viola, searchingly, uncertain. A little pointy face full of doubt and fear.

"Is it safe?"

Same question, different day. Harrow always asks this when given food, and every time she does the meaning is understood. Is it safe is code for, "is this poisoned?"

Poor thing. Poor, sweet girl who's been put through way too much. More than anyone should ever have to go through.

Viola does the same thing she always does when her youngest asks that question. She reaches across the table, she grabs one of the dino nuggies, and takes a bite for herself.

Harrow watches as she chews, because see, her parents laced juice with cyanide. All the other adults had wine, but Harrow specifically had juice. And her entire family and community drank something, and the cyanide prevented them from uptaking oxygen, and they died. And little Harrow was left alone for hours frozen and blank faced.

But Viola, perhaps contrary to what the little one thinks, has not laced anything with cyanide and wouldn't even know where to find cyanide if she wanted to.

She swallows, she smiles in what she hopes is a reassuring way. She says, perfectly safe, and Harrow looks at her older sisters, neither of whom have seized up or gone purple.

Then she looks back at Viola, who also hasn't keeled over dead as a doornail. Then the little girl picks up a Triceratops shaped chicken nugget, and takes the world's tiniest bite.

And oh, how her eyes sparkle.

That's when Viola knows that this? It's all worth it. That's when she knows for sure that they're keeping sweet little cautious Harrowhark. She's family already, and she's finally home.

[theleechyskrunkly]

Hihi!!! For your beans:

Can they be trusted in the kitchen? What's their favourite food?

What are some mannerisms your OC has picked up from the people around them? (be it other (people's) OCs or Canon Characters)

Thank you for the ask Seris!!!!! 🫶

Can they be trusted in the kitchen? What’s their favorite food?

• Paige: absolutely! fucking! not! He will burn down the entire kitchen and pull up with some Lilia tier cooking 💀 but he tried his best so cut him some slack 🙏

Paige’s favorite food is carrot ginger soup with roasted vegetables! Specifically his mother’s secret recipe, nothing better than that!

• Aurinelle: Yes! 100% yes! Aurinelle is very versatile in the kitchen, so when he’s not out serving costumers, Azul usually places him as one of the head chefs in the kitchen. All of his food is made exquisitely and efficiently: if it’s not perfect, he won’t serve it.

Human flesh. His favorite food is basically anything raging from octopi to some other types of sea life. He’s especially taken a liking to Jade’s Octopus Mushroom Casserole!

• Yuiishi: Surprisingly, he can indeed be trusted in the kitchen! He would always cook food for himself and his sister back in his world, since his deadbeat parents couldn’t be bothered to. While his cooking isn’t gourmet level, it’s still pretty good and made with lots of love.

Yuiishi’s favorite food is undoubtly cheesecake. Doesn’t matter what type or recipe, if it’s cheesecake he’ll most definitely eat it!

• Philihert: He can cook basic but sustainable meals, but he only cooks for himself and his brother. You have to be very, very close to him for him to willingly cook for you, as it’s his love language. So yes, he can be trusted it the kitchen.

His favorite food? White rice. That’s it. It goes with literally everything, how can one not like white rice?

• Sigibert: A gourmet cook, he can absolutely be trusted in the kitchen. Cooking is one of his biggest hobbies, his passion even! Like his twin brother, cooking is his love language, so he loves cooking for those whom he trusts and loves. He also only eats his or Phili’s cooking, not trusting what others make for him.

His favorite food? None. He’s grateful for everything he eats, but he does prefer savory foods over other types of foods.

What are some mannerisms your OC has picked up from the people around them?

• Aurinelle: He’s picked up on Vil’s way of walking! AKA like a total diva, and he also started wearing heels around.

• Yuiishi: They’ve actually picked up on Grim’s way of waking up: like a cat! He starts stretching his back like a feline would when he wakes up after a while together, yawning in the same way as well 😂

• Philihert: He’s picked up on Sigibert’s extreme confidence. Since Philihert is awfully insecure, this is probably the best part of Sigibert’s not-so-wonderful personality and mannerism that he could’ve picked up.

•Sigibert: He, unfortunately, picked up on Philihert’s habit of picking at his scabs when he’s bored/understimulated, which is very often when he’s not picking on people.

@thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @elenauaurs @lumdays @cyanide-latte @tixdixl

[idiotwithanipad]

New Ghosts OC🥰

Alice was born in 1806 Britain to an unmarried woman and an unknown father, leading her to be legally made ward to her aunt. She lived a happy life with her aunt and uncle, but her uncle's life was cut short during an accident in the coal mines where he worked, causing him to be crushed beneath rubble. Alice's aunt was driven to suicide because of the huge loss, and a heartbroken Alice was sent to live in the country with her older half sister Margaret and her husband Reginald.

Reginald was immediately taken by Alice's beauty and started to loose interest in Margaret. Over the few short years that Alice lived with her sister, Margaret soon became aware of the one sided infatuation and grew bitterly jealous. Filled with rage, Margaret put Cyanide into Alice's drink at the dinner table, and later that night, Alice died in her sleep.

Like most women of her time, Alice was very reserved and polite, but she was also keeping a deep secret; she became infatuated with her fellow women, not men. Alice kept this secret all throughout her life and never took a husband nor a suitor.

She is not alone in the Beg-Chetwynde estate, however. She haunts alongside a much older and experienced ghost: a cavewoman who wears the pelts and the now skull free head of a large wolf. Over the years, she and the strange woman, who calls herself 'Pin', share a love of nature and beauty (in Pin's case, 'beauty' is just anything shiny). Not only are the two women friends, they're also lovers.

[gghostwriter]

Entangled Strings of Fate

Chapter 3. My torch stays burning

Spencer Reid x FOC

Summary: Caltech, Pasadena - Cleo considers herself a woman of logic. With an IQ of 158 and an eidetic memory, how could she not. But meeting Spencer, the boy genius to hers, had her believing in intangible theories like the invisible string and the fates. Now, if only he would notice the depth of her feelings. Set in Caltech, pre-season 1 and will progress from there.

previous chapter || series masterlist || next chapter

"Growing apart doesn't change the fact that we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that" - Allie Condie

Cleo considered each invite from Spencer an oath—a vow meant to be delivered through each time. Never mind that she had past cases to study or how she initially promised her sister that she’ll attend the family dinner—skipping that was a plus, honestly, she’d rather spend her time in his precious company. She thought about the multiverse all of a sudden and wondered if in those different shards of her, is she still enjoying his presence or is this they only universe where they crossed paths and stayed together? She hoped not. She’d like to believe they were meant to find each other’s company no matter the circumstance. 

Sneaking a peek at him, she knew she had digressed from her present. A present where she found herself with a warm glass of tea on hand and on his rooftop apartment, admiring the night sky. Earlier, he explained he was on an extended leave from the FBI, not that he needed to take a leave really but in his own words, he didn’t feel right about being on the field while his mentor, Gideon, was pulled from the field after Boston, and had called her up to fill his nights with conversations and company. 

“Did you know that comets smell like rotten eggs?” He mentioned one night while admiring the night sky. “To be exact, they smell like rotten eggs, urine, burning matches, and almonds. Traces of hydrogen sulphide, ammonia, sulphur dioxide, and hydrogen cyanide were all found in the makeup of the comet 67P—better known as Churyumove-Gerasimenko.”

Cleo laughed. “Usually comets and meteors are often romanticized but finding out that they smell like rotten eggs definitely ruins the poetry behind it.”

“Actually the idea behind wishing upon a shooting star started thousands of years ago. During the 2nd century, astronomer Ptolemy believed that stars were gods or, at least, signs from the gods,” he rambled on. “Another version comes from the Mi’kmaw nation living in Nova Scotia. They believe that two stars took two sister to heaven. One of the stars represented an Eagle while the other a Hawk. Soon the sisters found themselves bored and strived to return to their people. Hoping to return to Earth, they requested the first human named Kluskap for their return. Kluskap agreed but with the condition that both sisters won’t ever look back. Later on, when they were both sent back to Earth, the younger sister broke the promise and was turned into a shooting star.” 

“That kind of reminds me of the Greek tragedy of Orpheus and Eurydice,” she commented on, going off tangent. 

He nodded, having understood the connection her mind was going for. “Most people considered Orpheus’s actions a noble, romantic deed in the name of love but Plato viewed it as cowardice for not dying to meet Eurydice right away.”

“But isn’t it because Plato had a negative stance on art? In a woman’s perspective, the whole notion of the man doing everything to get back the woman he ardently adored is the ultimate act of love,” she defended with a slight scrunch of nose from the cold biting air. 

A ring interrupted their comfortable silence. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, looking at the caller ID and letting it go to voicemail. 

His interest was piqued. “Who is it?” 

“Remember that guy who I met in the bookstore—Robbie—and went out with for a maximum of three dates? That’s him,” she took a sip of her tea before continuing on. “The dates were fine, just fine, and I even met some of his friends on accident—”

“But?”

“—but, it felt wrong. Like he was showing me off as this genius that he bagged rather than as a woman he’s interested in.”

She sighed and looked at the city night lights. She knew she was a genius, graduating from Caltech with a degree in Political Science at the age of 16 and entering law school right after can attest to that. But that accomplishment was sometimes a detriment in making genuine social connections.

“I’d love to find someone who can appreciate me for who I am and not with what I can offer. God knows I have enough of that from my parents.” 

He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “And you deserve that. If there’s anyone who deserves that, it’s you.” 

“You also deserve someone like that, Spence.” She softly smiled. “Someone who sees how much of a great guy you really are.”

“Morgan says I can’t get a date since I come off as awkward and tend to spew random facts when nervous,” Spencer said. 

Knowing Derek, she knew he stated that in a jest but she couldn’t help but hear the slight hurt in Spencer’s voice. “Well, I for one think you’re amazing. The right girl would think the same way too, Spence. She’ll find your ramblings interesting and cute, just like I do.” 

She glanced down at her watch. Time always seemed to move too fast when their orbits circled around each other. “I should go.”

“Garcia, Morgan, and I are meeting up for coffee and pastries at the usual corner coffee shop tomorrow. Would you like to come?” He asked as he was guiding her to a cab. “Garcia’s been hounding me to bring you around and I quote ‘I miss my ma chou.’”

“Count me in,” she laughs as she gets into the cab. “See you tomorrow, Dr. Spencer Reid!” 

———

Based on scientific studies, consuming sugar increases serotonin levels—the happiness chemical. The brain then keeps craving this “happy” chemical again and again. Maybe that was why Cleo knew she made the right decision in accepting his invitation for breakfast. There was nothing like a cup of good coffee and a freshly baked pastry on a Saturday morning. Add a mix of Penelope’s bubbly self and Derek’s fun persona, the weekend was already starting on a bright note.

“Oh my goodness, I think you got much more beautiful since the last time I saw you, ma chou,” Penelope greeted as she went in for a hug.

“And you’ve gotten more radiant since then, Pen,” she gushed back. 

“How are the two of you this lively early in the morning,” Derek quips. “Hey pretty girl, how’s law school treating you?” 

She sat down beside Penelope and subtly looked around for any sign of Spencer. “Good, can’t really complain specially with the bar exam coming up.” 

“If you’re looking for pretty boy, he’s over there buying your coffee and pastry,” Derek took notice of her searching eyes. There was no hiding from a profiler, after all. “ So tell me, did he make a move yet?” 

Her jaw slightly dropped while Penelope squealed in her set, no doubt also wanting to know. “Derek, you know its not like that,” she rushed out to clarify. “We’re friends, best of friends!” 

Derek and Penelope shared a look. A look that she has been very familiar with ever since their first meeting . It was a look of disbelief and teasing. She knew the whole BAU team had a vested interest in the progress of their platonic relationship. It wouldn’t even surprise her if there was a wager going on who would crack first. 

“Oh doll, you know it’s more than that right? I mean look at you both together, a match made in heaven, Penelope stated as she took a sip of her drink. “What could be more perfect that an prosecutor and an FBI agent together? The power couple if you ask me.” 

“I’m not a prosecutor yet,” she huffed out.

“You didn’t deny it though?” Penelope teased back. “So you agree, you both are a match made in heaven?”

“More like a match made in genius,” Morgan added. “C’mon Murphy, Reid may be as dense as those law books you read but I’m not, you can’t fool my profiler eyes. You’re in love with him, ever since I’ve met you.” 

“I swear its really not like that. Now, can we change the subject please before he comes?” She pleadingly asked as Spencer was approaching with her coffee and pastry in hand.

“Here you go,” he handed the goodies to her. “I got you a freshly baked slice of banana bread, a hot cappuccino, and a Palmier for when you get hungry later.” 

She smiled, cheeks turning vibrant red, and thanked him. With his care and her reaction, no doubt Derek and Penelope were staring at them in disbelief.

“Unbelievable,” Derek muttered as Spencer took his seat beside him.

“What was that?” He asked, having not heard his mumble.

Derek appraised Spencer with an eyebrow arched up. “Nothing pretty boy, nothing at all.” 

[jimmyogames]

Six-Shooter: The Best Part of LISA: The Painful

If you want to support me and my endeavors, please consider donating or subscribing to my Ko-fi! https://ko-fi.com/jcjimmy

*****

<Spoilers for LISA: The Painful>

So,

I like LISA. Quite a lot. LISA: The Painful is not exactly but very close to my favorite game of all time (MOTHER 3 still the goat), and fan projects like LISA: The Pointless have enamored me for over half a decade at this point. To say that I "like" LISA would be an understatement so great that it wraps back around to being an overstatement. I. Love. LISA. (The Painful and Pointless the other stuff is like eehhhhh).

It was inevitable, then, that I'd end up talking about LISA here. In fact, I'll probably talk about LISA a lot, discussing aspects of both the official titles and the numerous fanworks — even the ones of middling quality.

To begin, though, I'd like to gush about a particular part of The Painful that I don't see nearly enough people talk about. I've seen praise for the game's masterful opening, how well the first few areas introduce the themes and mechanics, and much more... but no one gives this specific stretch of game its due applause. This post is dedicated to correcting that.

The part of the game I'm referring to is the gauntlet of agony that Brad must face in the interim between the first and second crossroads of the game. In six distinct events, which I will henceforth refer to as the "Six-Shooter", LISA: The Painful shows you what it's really made of. If you thought things up that point were brutal... sister, you're about to get a cold splash to the face.

I was hooked on The Painful since the intro, but the Six-Shooter section of the game is what really cemented this game as one of the most profound I've ever played... and one of the most soul-crushing, at that.

As previously mentioned, the Six-Shooter gauntlet is comprised of... well, six events. It's only natural, then, to cover each of them in order and examine the effect they have both individually and as part of the greater section.

Things start out small enough, but no less dramatic: immediately upon crossing the bridge that you spent all of Crossroads One trying to fix, you are hit by a car. Or, at least, I was. If your reaction time is sharp enough, it's possible to avoid the surprise by jumping down onto a nearby ledge, but the window is pretty tight even if you know what's coming. Already, the game has taken its gloves off. You're not given even a second to relax, to consider your adventure up to that point, or anything else. The wasteland only gets more hostile from here, and if you're not ready for it, you're gonna be roadkill. As if one obstacle barreling toward you wasn't enough, quickly following the car ambush is an attack from a luchador looking mfer who will royally wreck your shit if he gets you. This time, though, it's very easy to see him coming and get out of the way accordingly; but the fact that the game has the audacity to pull the same trick on you twice in a row I think speaks volumes about what you're getting yourself into. And for the cyanide-filled cherry on top, right next to the luchador, there's a cave where you can encounter another wonderful Lisa hallucination to feel awful about. It's a one-two mechanic-narrative gut punch, and things are just getting started.

This next bit isn't actually one of the six main events, but it's worth an honorable mention: after the previous screen, you come across a lone man resting his legs. You can talk to him, and he seems like a pleasant fellow! He asks you if you're well-stocked for the road and generally makes polite conversation. Take two steps to the right — boom, he's got a knife and is gunning for your throat. With this one little scene, the game is hammering in a nail that's been there since the beginning of your journey: you can't trust any of these d-bags.

But Cosmo Cassamassa (yes that's really the name of that guy) is nothing compared to your first actual roadblock, and the next of the big six agonies: Sweet Tea Rakeem, the man standing sentinel before your path forward. Rakeem is the first of the game's bosses — except for some of the mutant enemies, if you didn't prepare well — that will really saw your dick off and make you eat it. He has the highest health of any enemy up to that point; he hits like a train made of bricks; and to really put the squeeze on you, your choices for party members as of this part of the game are... let's just say limited. That's not to say that you aren't well-prepared for this. I think the game does a good job of giving you the tools to get through everything it throws at you, should you choose to explore and engage with it. It's just that Rakeem demands more of you than the enemies you've fought before. He wastes no turns, and he never pulls his punches. You have to get real — real quick — if you want to overcome this goliath man.

Though the mechanical challenges so far have been great, the game's upcoming emotional challenges are arguably even more intense to stomach. Case in point: as you continue past where Rakeem stood, you find Rick, one of Brad's childhood friends and adoptive uncle of Buddy. Rick has been missing since Buddy was taken at the start of the game, so seeing him again comes as a shock to both Brad and the player. What no doubt continues to shock the player is what happens next: Rick, evasive and aloof, is attacked and tied up by Brad. All of a sudden, it's as if Rick is a different person, claiming Brad is a lunatic and that Buddy is better off away from him. This, obviously, isn't what Brad wants to hear, and soon it becomes clear that something in him has snapped. When Rick refuses to answer his questions, Brad equips himself with a spiked club and... well, tenderizes Rick's face. Over and over again. By the time the metaphorical dust clears, Rick is done for, beaten beyond recognition by his own best friend; and when all is said and done, all you can do is continue ahead, leaving him to rot against a power pole. It's a brutal scene even among The Painful's cavalcade of gruesome scenes, and it's sure to stir pause in any reasonable person playing. After all, up to this point, you aren't aware of the full circumstances of Buddy's relationship with Brad and her kidnapping. You don't know anything; but Brad and Rick have history, history that you can only glimpse through their sparse dialogue with each other. Even still, watching him getting battered to a bloody pulp is hard, and though there's nothing challenging about it gameplay-wise... I can only speak for myself, but on my first run of the game, it was difficult for me to bring myself to keep pressing the action button. I desperately wanted things to play out differently, but The Painful emulates life in that sometimes, there is only one option.

That is, of course, until you are given a choice — and you wish you could go back to that scripted sequence beyond your control.

You could be forgiven for thinking that, after enduring the mechanical difficulty of Rakeem and the emotional turmoil of beating Rick to death, you'd have even some reprieve. Except, you actually couldn't be forgiven, because this is LISA: The Painful, and as you should know by now, this game will never let you get comfortable. If you haven't learned that by now, you will as soon as you walk into the next cave and have your first mandatory meeting with Buzzo, the sociopathic cross between a Mad Max warlord and the god damn Joker. So, Buzzo is here to give you that choice you were longing for earlier. Instead of being forced to do one thing with no other outcomes, you now have two different paths: you can either choose to permanently cripple Brad by chopping his arm off, or permanently lose one of your party members. A similar decision was presented to you near the start of the game, where the bully Columbo makes you pick between your "beloved" friend Terry Hintz, or all the random bullshit in your pockets. The thing about that choice, though, is that it's not too rough either way you go. If you elect to give Terry up, you're not much worse off, since he's still pretty useless at such a low level; and if you give away all your items... well, there's not too too much you can lose out on. Just a bit of money and some minor healing.

Buzzo's choice is awful either way, and there's nothing you can do to soften the blow. The best you can do is arrange your party in such a way that you sacrifice a team member you aren't using, but as you'll soon find out, even doing that isn't necessarily a good idea. This dire choice — this uncompromising fork in the road leading to two equally terrible destinations — is arguably the very crux of The Painful as a whole. Don't quote me on this, but I believe Austin Jorgenson said in an interview before the game came out that he wanted to create an experience that forces you into a corner at times. His vision was a brutal, stultifying world constantly had a knife against your hand — where there would be times when you had to select which finger it took off. I usually choose to offer up a party member to the chopping block, since I'm intimately familiar with how disposable they can be; but on my first playthrough? I froze up. I knew party members could die, but I didn't think the game would hold me at gunpoint and demand I either let one go or suffer a serious debuff to Brad, your only forever party member. It would be one thing if, as soon as you left Crossroads One, you were made to play this Saw trap as if it were a toll you needed to pay to leave the area. To buffer this situation until after all the aforementioned tribulations, though... I can only speak for myself, but I think that's fucking genius. The Painful is a game that knows how to grind a player down, to soften them up so that the biggest hits deliver the most... well, pain possible.

And we're still not done. Like all the prior events, you get no time to rest before you're thrust right into the next setpiece. The moment Buzzo unleashes you and you get to continue forward, you're plopped into the seat of a motorcycle — without a helmet, naturally — and sent off to the races. Now, I'd be lying if I said this sequence was anything other than pure badass. The music combined with the sunset backdrop makes this chopper ride something straight out of a vaporwave gif. Going fast, popping wheelies, tricking off ramps, and mowing dudes down without giving a single, infinitesimal fuck is all just... cool. A little tedious, especially if you have to redo a part over and over because of those damn rocks, but still cool as hell! Unlike the last four "bullets" of the Six-Shooter, this part is actually fun, and that's not a bad thing. If you think that a sequence like this defeats the purpose of that "never let up" attitude the game has taken insofar, don't worry; this joyride is short-lived and ends with a bang. As the enigmatic Rando saunters off and leaves you alone with some goons, you're right back into the thick of things. No more motorcycle, no more banger tunes, no more coolness. It's time for you to finally taste the blood in your mouth following the encounter with Buzzo. The battle against the Rando soldiers isn't anything ball-busting, but it reminds you to never get too attached to the little pleasures in this world; because just when you think everything is alright again, the rug is gonna be pulled right out from under you.

The game has saved the worst for last, though, and anyone who's played The Painful before will know exactly what's coming up. Before you get to Crossroads Two, there's one last hurdle you must vault — one last test of your will to overcome. Just as you exit out into the crossroads prelude, you're ambushed yet again, and the people who you meet will have you begging for Buzzo to come back. That's because your ambushers take you captive, and the only way to secure your freedom is to play Russian Roulette. This is perhaps The Painful's most infamous moment, even among such competition as the Rick scene and Buzzo's dastardly choices. The difference between the Roulette game and those scenes is that the latter are set in stone. Every time you play the game, you'll be forced to go through the same rigmarole. Whether or not you choose to cut off Brad's arm or kill a party member is irrelevant; those are always your options. You always have to beat Rick to shit. Now, you always have to play Russian Roulette, but how what ends up happening during is all up to luck.

This is The Painful at its most brilliant and subversive. It reads like a cruel joke: after everything you've endured, after dragging yourself through dismal moment after dismal moment, the fate of you and your party is left up to chance. You select a party member to spin the roulette, and they either live... or die. It's a one in six chance with every pull of the trigger. The only say you have in the matter is which of your gathered bozos will potentially have their brains dispensed onto the nearby wall. It'd be one thing if the game made you do this once, and regardless of whether you win or lose, you get to continue after; but you have to play thrice. Oh, did I say play? I meant win thrice. That means, depending on your luck, you can wipe out your entire fucking party... without even having completed the first round. On the flipside, you could breeze through the whole thing without even breaking a sweat, and that's the real beauty of it. For some people, this part will be a blink-and-you-miss-it type deal. For most, though? The Russian Roulette segment will live on in infamy as one of the sickest, most unfair things a game can sic on you; and the fact that you can choose to come back to gamble away more of your party members' lives only underlines the twisted punchline.

But the game forcing you to play Russian Roulette to continue only works as well as it does because it's the capstone to an entire saga of upsetting events. Had the Roulette minigame been something off to the side that you could participate in if you felt like, sure, it'd be fucked up conceptually, but you probably wouldn't think much of it. Having the minigame be not only mandatory, but also strike you after so much other misfortune is what makes it not just great, but a god damn diamond of game design.

The transition between Crossroads One and Crossroads Two of The Painful — the Six-Shooter — is a rollercoaster made of barbed wire, and if you think it's bad on the way up, you couldn't imagine what it's like on the way down. Every event sets up the next to be exponentially more torturous: it starts with a one-time event of getting hit by a car, then it cranks up the heat with a gameplay challenge, then it hits you in the heart with a disturbing and upsetting scene, and then... it just keeps going. It does not stop. You are not allowed a second to process just how bad things are getting. Just when you think it can't get any worse than being hosed with broken glass, the game turns on the razor blades. This sequence is gruesome; it's anti-player; it's anti-fun; it defies everything you expected about a game with cartoon nipple men; but above all, it. Is. Painful.

That's why LISA is my (second) favorite game — because it makes you hurt and doesn't apologize, doesn't help you up, and instead goes on to pour salt into that oozing wound. It's a truly draining experience that will make you want to put the game down and never touch it again.

But sometimes, that's life.