#Cute emgk shit

[emgkheadcannons]

Okay so my friend sent me this thing on Instagram, where someone had a robot vacuum and they placed a bowl on top with what looked like an amethyst crystal, and a burning piece of incense, so as the vacuum went around it purified the space.

Kelly would do this. The man love incense, and he would so have a robot vacuum, at least on one floor. Depending on his mood and stuff, he would change the type of incense, and crystal.

Em knows Kelly burns incense and uses crystals, but the first time he saw the vacuum purifying the room he was thrown for a loop.

“What the Fuck?!”

“Hmm? Oh that’s just DJ Robo.” Kelly says noticing his boyfriend looking at the little robot vacuuming the room.

“What the fuck is it doing”

“It’s a robot vacuum Em. You really need to get better with technology.”

“I know what a Roomba is, brat. Why is there a crystal, and incense burning in a bowl, on top of it?” Em asks, starting to get annoyed.

“Oh to purify the rooms, as it goes.” Kelly responds in the most nonchalant way possible. Like Em was the weird one for asking.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, and closing his eyes, Em Takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, before looking at the blond. He debates whether to ask why, not really knowing if he wants to know the answer.

[emgkheadcannons]

Before they were out Em would troll reporters, saying we take turns being little spoon, and that he gets pedicures for Kelly.

So when Kelly did that video for buzzfeed reading thrust tweets he was holding up sheets of paper behind Kelly that said things like ‘Sorry ladies, he’s mine.’ ‘Only my toes’

Em takes bad selfies and turns them into PSAs.

Kelly knows Em can take a decent selfie. He has seen them on his daughters’ phones. He even took a good one with Kelly and Cassie last time she visited.

Em is actually more tech savvy than he pretends to be. He pretends to not know, or understand for a few reasons but the main two are that he likes messing with his boy friend, and the other is that he likes that Kelly will genuinely try to teach him how to do it and not just do it for Em himself. His Boyfriend cares enough that he wants to teach him a skill. Em sometimes ‘forgets’ a step and asks Kelly for help.

Em will change Kelly’s ringtone for him. Em and Cassie are the only two with ringtones and Kelly never has his ringer on. He has changed it to the Power Ranger communicator sound, the Kim Possible theme song, and Backstreet Boys ‘Everybody’. Em knows the entire dance to ‘Everybody’, and has done it in front of Kelly’s and his daughters’ friends.

Em hides the little bit of junk food he does eat in a bag of kale chips, or the empty quinoa box in the back of his pantry. His housekeeper knows of it and makes sure to not only keep it stocked, but changes out the bag and box occasionally so no one throws them away thinking it’s expired food.

Em will intentionally use a slang word wrong, especially if it’s a Cleveland or Ohio slang word.

Only referring to Cleveland as ‘the mistake by the lake’, and pointing at things, like “oh look, the mistake by the lake”, and it’s an ugly car or a random bird. When Kelly tries to do the Ohio call and response, Kelly says “O-H” and Em will say “E-L-L”.

Em would mess with Kelly about his tattoos.

“I didn’t know you liked Avengers so much?”

“Huh?”

“The letter ‘A’ on your stomach.”

Em gives Kelly so much shit for being a Browns fan, but it’s all in fun. He still surprises Kelly with Browns’ gear.

Em would not only give Kelly ridiculous bouquets of flowers. He would put flowers in Kelly’s hair and make him flower crowns. Em would teach Cassie how to make flower crowns.

Em has gotten Kelly two of those custom sequin pillows where one way it’s a solid color, and the other it’s a picture. One uses a bad selfie he took of the two of them, and the other is a picture of Em making a kissy face. Kelly was so flustered when he got them. He keeps them on his bed, so now one will mess with them. There is also a body pillow Em sent him. One side is Em just standing there but the back has Em bare ass hanging out. That pillow is in the back of his closet, and he does take it out to cuddle.

I don’t know if I have posted this yet.

When Em wants Kelly’s attention, or feels threatened for Kelly’s affection he sends him feet pictures. It’s super effective.

Em sends bare ankle sock pics when he feels flirty.

Kelly gets him back with lingerie specifically panties, or the pair of boxer briefs he special ordered that have EMIN∃M on the band. Em has a thing for butts.

Sometimes Kelly will wear the briefs and let his pants sag a little showing off the band. It drives Em nuts. Once their relationship is public, Kelly does this at events.

Kelly sends Em cute pictures of him at the beach. He asks for nudes. Also when he says he is going to send Kelly dirty pictures, it’s a picture of dirty dishes in the sink.

Em going “ooooo you wanna kiss me so bad” either when they are having an argument, or when Em is distracting Kelly from something. (quote from @samuraionnna on twitter)

When Em notices the paparazzi when out with Kelly, if he is not already holding one of Kelly’s hands, he will grab one, and intertwine their fingers, making sure they get a good shot of it.

They do spa days together. Robes, slippers, face masks, hair treatment the works. They will even make cucumber water, and set some cucumbers aside to put on their eyes like in the movies.

Everyone knows how cuddly Em is with his friends. He will Lounge on Kelly. Like if they are waiting for something Em will just lean hard against Kelly. Who am I kidding, they are both cuddlers.

Like how Kelly loves soft clothes, Em loves blankets. Em will burrito up in a blanket. Em has a blanket in almost every room of his house. Kelly got him a weighted blanket as a gift and Em didn’t move for half a day. Em will make nests out of pillows and blankets, and drag Kelly in for hours of cuddling. He even makes pillow/blanket forts for them in his media room.

I am changing what I said in shoes. Em has a ton of slippers. Some are from his daughters, some are from friends, and some he bought himself. His favorites are a pair that Kelly got him. They look like Godzilla feet, and he will stomp around and rap some or all of his song while wearing them.

Em has hobbies. He likes crafting, does photography, and gardens a little.

He watches Jenna Marbles video where she and Julian make the hand holding sculpture. Em convinces Kelly to do it with him, middle fingered and all.

Em has an old record player and loves old jazz. He will put on a record and slow dance with Kelly in the living room.

When Cassie starts to get into makeup, Kelly asks Em to ask Rihanna for help. She has a wonderful makeup brand, and she is so body positive, and is a great role model for Cassie. (I bet her mom is also great but this is Kelly trying to help his daughter.)

I was going to use these for something else, and I still am, but they also fit here really well, they aren’t as fleshed out as normal.

Em and Kelly go as Gomez and Mortician Addams for Halloween. He does the kiss up the arm thing just to make Kelly flustered. Em also got Rihanna to teach him some dance moves, and tried to ‘Tango’ with Kelly, in their costumes. (I have a whole list of holidays, and halloween costumes and I want to expand on this.)

Em also does Disney bounding. He gets Kelly to go as goofy and he goes as Donald. (I will be doing more Disney)

Em does the corniest and sweetest things for Valentine’s Day. Like flowers, chocolates, and a nice night out. One year he takes Kelly to Disneyland just so they can watch the fireworks together, while riding the ferris wheel.

When Em finds out about Sweetest Day (it’s basically a second Valentine's day that people celebrate in Cleveland), he decides that they are going to celebrate it. The first year Em celebrated it was in 2019, and it fell on October 16, the day before his birthday. Kelly was off on a movie set and he had to be in New York, so he bought and sent Kelly one of those giant Teddy bears, the ones that are 6 ft tall (about 2 meters), to his movie set. It was wearing one of Em’s hoodies with his logo, and a pair of matching sweatpants. He made sure that when it was delivered it was put in Kelly’s movie cast chair. When Kelly was done shooting for the day and back in his hotel room, bear and all. He face times Em.

“Happy Sweetest Day, Sweetheart!” Em says then blows him kisses.

“Ugh I should have never told you about this holiday.”

“What, you didn’t like your present?”

“I didn’t like how I had to explain to the entire crew what Sweetest Day is, and why you sent me a teddy bear as big as me.” Kelly sighs, and gives Em a tired smile. “But thank you for the bear, and the new sweats, and Happy Sweetest Day.”

This year (2020) Sweetest Day falls on Em’s Birthday.

We need some cringey clingy (troll) boyfriend Em headcanons.

Like him ending all of his and Kells facetime calls no matter how brief with smooches just to see the blonde blush or flip him off.

Sending ridiculous emoji filled texts like "💔💔missing u🍑😭💔💔" every now and again when theres a stretch between communication.

Or even him sending over the top flower arrangements with xoxoxo cards and balloons to Kells sets just so he can get a huffy call about how the blondes not gonna tell him his schedule anymore (even though he always does and Em can easily find that information out without Kells input anyway)

And even before they go public with their relationship but have squashed their beef and become "friendly" Em also just keeps blatantly deadpanning that Colson is his boyfriend to the media. Answering questions about possible future collaboration hints with "Actually that was just us on a date-" and other TRUE things that have both Paul and Kelly just pulling their beard hair, and head hair out respectively.

Luckily the media chalks it all up to his quirky sense of humor but that just gives Em more room to act even more ridiculous.

I just want soft boyfriend Em who doesn't give a fuck and actually lowkey tortures Kelly by being in love with him.

@emgkheadcannons I'd love to see your take on it

[zwowow]

Do #10 please!

10. an angry, almost violent kiss

"Shut the fuck up."

"No."

"Do you think I'm fucking playing? Shut the fuck up, man."

"Nah," Colson lets a smirk play at his lips, "I'm gonna stand here and keep talking because that's all you fucking do. Just run your mouth like the old bitch you are." Marshall is shorter than he is by quite a bit, but when Colson finally takes a break from his shit talking, he's the one shrinking back. Marshall's intense eyes are blazing and he can tell right then that the stories of Eminem being a fucking psycho weren't exaggerations.

"I told you..." The words are drawn out and dripping with pent up anger. "To shut. The fuck. Up."

Colson feels his knees start to shake, threatening to give out and leave him kneeling at Marshall's feet, begging for forgiveness. But he can't back down now, no matter how much his body wants to. They've been fighting online and over songs for years, and now that they've met in person, now that the rubber band of their tension is about to snap, he can't be the one to give. Instead, he pushes the elastic just a bit further, knowing there's a chance it'll come back go snap him in the face.

"Fuck you, old man. I know you won't do shit." And he won't. Marshall's usual crowd of security isn't around him. It's just the two of them toe to toe and even if Colson isn't sure he'd win, he knows that Marshall knows it'd be too close of a fight to risk it.

"I won't?" He's seething. Marshall's jaw is set, upper lip curled just a bit in disgust. His cheeks are getting redder every second they stand facing each other. If the situation were different, Colson might even think he looked cute.

"You wont." It's a dare. A challenge.. and he knows Marshall will rise to it. He braces for the hard impact of a fist hitting his face and readies himself to immediately fight back, but the punch never comes.

No, instead, Marshall reaches up and roughly cuffs the back of his neck, pulling with such force that Colson can't even fight back against the pull downward.

"Won't do shit, huh?" Colson doesn't have time to breathe or speak or even fucking think before Marshall's lips are pressed firmly against his own. It's the biggest shock he's ever gotten, Eminem kissing him. Especially when he'd been sure he was about to get fucking decked.

The shock wears off as quickly as it came on because fuck, he's not going to get another chance at this. He's pissed, annoyed as fuck that Marshall has the upper hand just by being the first person to make a move. Instead of just standing there and taking it, he opens his mouth and shoves his tongue between Marshall's lips. That prick thought he'd shock Colson into submission? Dream the fuck on.

Marshall makes a noise that's somewhere between a groan and a whine and Colson swallows it whole. The sound is sweet like honey going down.

There's nothing else sweet about what's happening, just a clash of teeth and tongue and a fight for the upper hand neither of them can keep a hold on.

Just when Colson thinks he's got it by backing Marshall against the wall and boxing him in with no escape under, over, or through him, Marshall bites his lip so hard he bleeds into both of their mouths.

"Fuck!" He pants and almost pulls back, but that would be a concession. Instead, he returns the favor, clamping down on Marshall's tongue the next time he tries to push into his mouth.

It's terrible, this kiss, bloody and disgusting and the only time he's ever wanted to kill a man, but needed to kiss him more.

It's perfect, this kiss, soft, warm lips against his and Marshall's jaw, hard and angry gripped tight beneath his fingertips, and the only time hes ever regretted a kiss while looking forward to the next one.

send me an ask with a number from my previous post and I'll answer with a mini emgk fic!

[avocadebris]

1 ,6 ,7, 8, 9, 11, 17 for the asks ♡

1: August, 2020 when I was searching for pelly fics I stumbled upon the emgk tag. Thanks to YOUR jarfill👁👁. I read the daddy pelly fic and out of curiosity, clicked “next chapter”. Next thing I knew, I fell down the emgk rabbit hole

(what i still haven’t figured out is that why are there so few pelly fics? Pretty much the whole world knows about their bromance at this point💀)

6: Apart from The Break Up? hmmm. How about why are you here? Keyword here is toxic relationship.

7: It’s pretty obvious I got a problem with making choices, so for one, I enjoyed reading Why Are You Here on ao3 ALOT, and i adore everything from @cosmicbash (check out her pelly works! If you haven’t, you are missing out). Plus just a cute fluff by VannilaTea on ao3.

8: This is where the cheating happens. Worry you not. That’s just me cheating. Not emgk. I’m allowed to have more than one fave tropes afterall😤

Hurt/Comfort. I think they are both emotionally unstable and VERY insecure. So them putting each other back together piece by piece can be addictive.

9: When they’re not being goofy and pulling all kinds of obnoxious stunts, I headcanon Em as an understanding and supportive boyfriend. From what I know about kelly, it seems very likely that he suffers from constant mood swings and experiences waves of onslaught of exhausting feelings and emotions that he can’t quite understand or generalize, which might be exacerbated by his substance abuse even more. As someone who had gone through similar phases, Em would look after kelly and help him through it.

I’ve watched a short video of kells performing Candy at a concert where his voice broke halfway through the chorus because he was in some pretty dark places, i think he didn’t have anyone that would support him wholeheartedly at that time, so I’d like to imagine Em being there for him after the concert just to give him a shoulder to lean on. kells needs someone to be his anchor.

11: It’s @cosmicbash ! Your impeccable sense of humor won me over right away

Ps. it was this pic for me:

17: I enthusiastically love both! And thats something I never did before. It just works both ways, im telling you, it’s some black magic shit (cue the music)

[cosmicbash]

@metalheadkells has oblivious Em stuck hard in my head. Now I just want like 10 slow burns with his dumb ass not realizing he's being wooed until Kells surprises him with like a 3 month anniversary dinner and card, talking real seriously and emotionally about how he didn't think taking things super slow like this would work but he's the happiest he's even been with Em and is happy to wait another YEAR before they have sex because he just feels so seen and heard in their relationship. And Em is just sitting there processing things before-

"WAIT I COULD HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH YOU FOR THREE MONTHS-"

[cosmicbash]

74 for the kiss prompts with emgk 🥰

74. Kisses Where One Person Is Sitting In The Other’s Lap 

Marshall has freckles. None of them are very bold, and until this moment most he never even noticed. But here with the two of them relaxing in a sun chair, the ocean breeze rolling through the air and the sun beaming down against the little umbrella they’re using for shade Colson can’t help but find them captivating.

It has to be all the sun. Two long day of swimming and stolen sun hats exposing his partner’s usually pale skin to enough of it to draw them all out.

That’s the simplest explanation Colson can think of, and really the only one other than the alternative which would be him not paying enough attention to ever notice them in the first place. But, that’s impossible, because he’s been staring intently at Marshall’s face from the moment he first woke up in bed to find the man still there. His eyes and fingers have traced every single fine line of age and laughter so many times he swears he sees it behind them when he goes to sleep.

But these freckles, they’re new. Like a small secret that he’s finally earned the privilege of learning about.

“What’re you staring so intently at? My nose still that sunburnt?” Brown eyebrows are furrowing, Marshall’s icy eyes capturing his attention for just a moment before his gaze slips back down.

There’s a scattered few on his pink nose too.

“You.” Colson wants to touch them. Kiss them.

“Weirdo.” Marshall’s scoff and slight shake of head doesn’t deter his staring at all. Even the sudden cold touch of sunscreen against his chest barely startles him away for more than a few seconds. He had actually forgot that was why his boyfriend was straddling his lap in the first place. “How about you return the favor and help me put on some sunscreen then, so you’re not staring for free-”

And have a chance to rub his thumbs over them? “Y-Yeah, sure!”

It’s probably the fastest this whole trip that Colson has picked up the sunscreen bottle. His fingers can’t squeeze the white lotion out fast enough.

His quick response only garners another confused sigh from Marshall though, his body weight shifting and hands rubbing their own share of protectant into Colson’s chest a bit more firmly. “Don’t be a prick about it though, alright? Sun like this is gonna age the hell out of our faces-“ The look shot his way all but announces how that means his face will be next.

“I know, I know, don’t worry gramps.” Colson would be a fool to let any damage come to a face as pretty as the one before him.

Rubbing both palms together to better distribute it the blonde can’t help but snicker a little when his hands finally cup his partner’s face. With the fuzzy beard taking up the majority of Marshall’s jaw it leaves him smearing half of the dark hair white. His thumbs needing to do most of the work to cover the fine spots beneath Marshall’s eyes and along the lines of his cute nose. Every dusted cluster of freckles slowly being covered in methodical rubs.

His boyfriend’s already slightly burnt nose gets a fresh squirt and extra gentle care, Colson’s lips unable to wait even a moment longer after he’s finished to plant a quick kiss right to the tip.

Sour tasting suncreen is all he gets as reward for his trouble though. “Ah, ew, fuck that shits gross-“He doesn’t even know how so much of it gets in his mouth.

“No shit, it’s for your skin not your stomach dumbass-“ Marshall’s laughing at him, grabbing his shaking head and squeezing his cheeks with sticky hands. “If you're that worried about your lips burning I'll keep them covered."

The kiss Marshall plants on him is soft, completely in contrast to the tight hold on his face. But its warm, just like Colson imagines getting kissed by the sun might feel, and he wants to immediately joke about how they might burn him just as quickly if they're not careful.

Marshall immediately pulling back to spit to their right in disgust stops him.

"Oh Jesus christ- that's foul-"

[cosmicbash]

Emgk, but, in one of those bought by a mafia boss wattpad style AU's.

Except-

Kelly is the eccentric mob boss/gang leader, and Em is just an ex gang member turned single dad of three who turned his life around and unfortunately got roped ((cough guilt tripped)) into like a 50k debt to Kelly's gang by his baby mama/ex Kim. And keeps blowing off/fighting off all the collectors Kells sends until the blonde decides enough is enough and he is going to personally come whoop Em's ass and pry the money from his broken fingers or force him into some other illegal shit to slowly clear it up.

But, when he finally meets Em, and sees this short scruffy dude with a little baby carrier strapped to his chest he can't help but want to laugh himself silly. Because how, HOW can his men be so pathetic that they can't shake this dad down for money, obviously they're just lieing and being insubordinate- of course he thinks that until he actually closes in on Em and forces the other mans hand and finds himself knocked down on his ass. A shoe on his throat and this previously harmless looking man threatening to literally murder him if he doesn't back the fuck off and tell his boss to be patient.

It's love at first curb stomp 😩 Kelly is just immediately smitten. His interest spiking so high he can't help but turn into a giddy mess. The initial shock and realization that he's hard as a rock giving Em all the time to flee, but from then on Kells can't help himself. He's gotta hunt him down again. Excited like child who just found their new favorite toy, stalking Em and using his resources to learn every last thing he can about the other man. All leading up to when they can finally meet up again (and Em doesn't immediately escape him) and he can make his new offer:

To lend his company in exchange for payments off his debt.

Yeah. Em's not going for that. He aint a whore. But! Kells is quick to clarify that while yes, he's sure they could work out a hmmm, say, 5,000$ a night earning off actual sex but really he just wants the chance to woo the grumpy bastard of a man. So he'd prefer if Em just let him take him out on dates and pretty much play boyfriend until the debt is cleared. Because of Course Kelly is a spoiled brat of a man who is used to always getting his way through either money or fists, and he's sure slowly buying Em like this will secure him as his permanently by the end.

And, ahhhh 😩😩😩 it would just be so fun to write!

Like, Em would definitely take the deal, albeit reluctantly because he seriously needs to be there to protect and take care of his girls, and like, there could be so much cute parenting shit with Em and the girls, Kells and lil baby Casie 🥺, the angst and drama that comes with dramatic gang shit, it would be a chefs kiss kinda AU.

[cosmicbash]

Ugh I am having the worst night possible.

Someone send me cute or sexy emgk, pookie, slaze, pelly, or pemgk headcanons or ask me about my cute ocs or some shit to brighten it up 😭😭

[cosmicbash]

Me: I'm gonna try kinktober

Also me: gets distracted drawing a bunch of goofy shit instead

😅😅😅😅

Maybe I can try an inktober? Some spooky emgk art would be cute right? I need to practice drawing anyway and my brain is having hella bad writers block.

You guys maybe wanna give me some cute halloween themed art requests? And ill see if I can be less of a disappointment 👉👈