#Courser Synth (X6-88)

[nooklingposting]

Minuteman X6-88!

(He won’t wear the hat. He refuses to wear the hat. He thinks the hat is stupid.)

[fallout-hoe]

Coursers are not a lost cause! I’m still sad at the fact you can’t get X6-88 to leave the Institute and explore his own identity because there are glimpses of him “acting out” like during the affinity talks he speaks with more emotion because he feels safe around you (unless you tell him to stop it lmao). You can’t tell me that he wholeheartedly believes he’s just a machine made to serve and even if he does, I know that boy still wants to be respected by Father and the scientists (I like to think the people there annoy him lol). When he finally idolizes the player, I bet he could care less about the Institute and their goals, but Bethesda didn’t want to expand on it

[abyssal-ilk]

pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease start posting x6 meta the people yearn for it

you got it 🫡 the people shall have x6 meta and their yearning shall be fulfilled

[stoat-party]

*X6-88 voice* He’s an 😏 earlier model

[accecakes]

consider this: Curie/X6 but reversed roles. Either he's a synth railroad agent (like Glory) and helps Curie escape the institute OR she's a courser and he's a regular synth on the run

Okay, so here’s the rundown. X6-88 is a scientist who’s on the road documenting his findings of all things in the wasteland. Meanwhile, he stumbles upon a courser who is unaware that his robot brain had been transferred over to a human’s body. The courser believes she had taken X6-88 hostage, to be used as a personal guide. On the other hand, he couldn’t be more glad to have some company. Especially someone who knows their way around a weapon.

[lastarvek]

[SPOILER WARNING for FALLOUT 4]

I am honestly so disappointed that we can't romance X6-88, and before you go "he's a courser and he is loyal to the institute and he has no emotions blah blah blah" LISTEN!

Paladin Danse is basically the same as X6, when you think about it. Both are blindly committed to their duties and responsibilities, and unwavering in their loyalty to the Brotherhood/Institute, respectively.

When Danse learns that he is a synth it obviously crushes him, and destroys his entire concept of reality. Yet you can teach him that he is an independent and sentient being, deserving of love.

Now, X6 already knows he’s a synth, and so he believes he’s nothing more than a machine, because that’s what the Institute has told him.

But we already know X6 has emotions! He has independent thoughts/quirks. And just because he is a Courser, that doesn't make it any different. You think he was programmed with a fear of heights? Does that seem tactical? Of course not! This, and his deadpan humour, are some obvious signs of individuality.

Thus, if we can convince Danse that synths are beings capable of emotion and love, we should be able to convince X6 as well.

A side note - the game is really lacking in black love interests, and POC companions in general. There’s literally one black man you can romance, Preston, and in my humble opinion he’s lame af. X6 is cool, funny, suave, and he would have been a great addition to the roster. We also could use more female LIs buuut that’s a rant for a different day. 💀

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

Additionally, Institute terminals state that all of the Bunker Hill merchants are Institute informants. If the Sole Survivor walks up to any of them with X6-88 in tow, they will visibly panic as if expecting X6 to execute them.

wait so if the bunker hill merchants (carla, lucas miller etc) are all informants does everyone at bunker hill know that? i mean clearly not because that one barkeep/motel boy is like "saving synths is cool" out in the open without a care in the world.

i havent done the battle at bunker hill in a second is that also why that happens?

the convos each merchant has w x6 also seem kinda personal. as though they know this courser specifically. big fans.

[thesettlementneedingyourhelp]

Platonic X6-88 and Sole Headcanons because that man has a death grip on me and he deserves better.

GN!Sole, though definitely based off my Sole Clara.

Post Institute, fuck the Institute

So gentle touch? Synths don't get a lot of that, this goes double for coursers.

Sole is the first person who actually touches him gently, and with good intentions.

Synths didn't really get to have hobbies in the Institute. Sole asks X6 what he likes to do in his free time and he's ??? Because he's never had free time, his time never belonged to him

Really does not know how to respond to affection. It's not that he doesn't want Sole to be affectionate with him, he does but it can be overwhelming. He tends to push them away.

Cue Sole gently forcing X6 into trying new things. Oh, he's a pain in the ass about it and complains about how it's a waste of time and unproductive.

Until he doesn't complain, Sole shows him how they modify their weapon, and he's watching like a hawk, wanting to do the same. Sole gives him a set of paints, and he stubbornly refuses to touch them. Until he gets curious and does it when no one is looking. His first work is messy and imperfect, it hangs on Sole's wall forever.

Sole has to learn how to read X6's subtle emotional cues. He feels just as much as anyone else but tends to keep most feelings internal. It's not something he's really doing on purpose, it was a necessary defense mechanism in The Institute, it was either keep it inside or be reset and old habits die hard.

X6 will ask sole questions about their old life before the war. If X6 cares about your personal life, he definitely really likes you.

Sole who so badly wants to be able to show X6 the love and kindness that he deserves. Sole who has to remind themselves to take it slow because being loved is so new for X6.

X6 who feels stupid for not realizing sooner that the Institute was wrong about synths being machines. Sole says it's not his fault, but he isn't sure he believes them.

Just X6 slowly learning that he's an independent, living person that deserves to be treated with kindness, it's a difficult process but Sole is there every step of the way. He doesn't know how to say it but he hopes they know he appreciates them.

[tesscorner]

X6-88. Acrylic. Don’t judge strictly, it is my first his portrait created to express some my thoughts below.

It is a shame that Fallout fans have such an attitude towards this character. Many people think that he is an unemotional, insensitive robo-killer.

But if you run with him a little longer, you will learn a lot of interesting things about him.

Firstly, coursers, these are the same synths of the third generation.

Technically, it is no different from Dance.

Secondly, he "grew up" at the institute. He says so himself. Yes, he was created as an adult, but it means that we are talking about the formation of his "personality", which the synths of the third generation cannot have, according to the institute. Naturally, he is subject to their propaganda.

He constantly demonstrates his opinion, to the point and out of place. He is very afraid of heights and does not like water. Also, I like his sense of humor.

Yes, he talks in a robotic voice, but in the last dialogue he changes. He even allows himself to joke with you as soon as he feels that he can trust you.

Personally, it seems to me that the lack of emotion in his case is a defensive reaction. After all, if his manifestations of humanity are seen at the institute, then consequences will await him.

I still have a lot of thoughts about this character, if I like it, I will write more.

[nooklingposting]

I told you, this man needs earrings

No I will never stop drawing X6

[nukenai]

So I never beat Fallout 4 and I never will, and it's entirely for weenie reasons where I want to be friendly with everyone. The Institute is objectively the worst out of all factions, and any other opinion I consider insane, but also... it is full of like, just, people. People who were born down there and don't know anything. And tons of innocent, enslaved synths. And like what are you expecting of people who are born in that isolated environment who grow up being told Synths are just machines? No shit they don't know better. I think just completely exploding the Institute is a little fucked. Even the Brotherhood, fuck them, is full of decent, sometimes very hot people. And I guess there's kids on the Prydwen, but more importantly, a cat.

The actual real reason is that I have a very big crush on X6-88 and want to continue being his friend. "Nuke just get a mod". I don't want to. I'm scared of mods exploding my game bc I have extreme paranoia about game data. I have a mod that cleaned up Danse's face but that's like it.

Anyways the craziest thing that ever happened to me in the game was because I have remained friendly with all factions and not picked an ending. It wasn't that crazy but it was to me and made me rethink my "actually blow up Institute lol" opinions.

I was on Far Harbor and did the quest where a Courser had tracked Chase back to the Island and I had to go confront him to protect everybody, because I would literally die for Acadia in real life. Anyways I went and found the Courser, expecting a fight.

He turned to me and said "Hello, Ma'am."

Because I'm still friendly with the Institute, and he is programmed to know who I am and be nice to me. He even made a comment about X6-88 speaking highly of my skills, because I could talk to him like a regular NPC Courser in the Institute.

And I stood there with a gun pointed at him.

I shot him four times before he became hostile. Then I obviously killed him.

I have not been the same since that encounter and it fucked me up lmao. Many of the choices I made in that game were pretty easy because I'll defend Synths over anyone else 99% of the time. That one was hard and screwed with my brain.

But at the end I'll still shoot anyone to protect Acadia. Because I'm normal about it.

Also I love blowing up the Vertibirds that my shitty neighbor, a 20 year old nazi in a blimp, keeps sending to my Castle house. It's hilarious. Maxson, stop. It's been like 5 years. You need to get over the Danse thing.

[elvishdemigod]

So I was somewhat inspired by the AUs @shitty-fallout-art would do, triggered my brain to come up with this backwards au. The Backout AU? Fallwards? Backfall? Outwards? Anyways- Some backwards in their goals, some backwards in their origins. Brain is still swirling with it.

Piper is either a secret informant for the Institute, or she gave up being a reporter after it resulted in the death of her dad.

MacCready is a Mercenary-turned-Gunner. Maybe lost Duncan to ferals and Lucy is sick and dying, their relationship is relationshit after losing Duncan, but he's still trying to find a cure for her and using his Gunner connections. This also kind of makes it make sense why he'd be fine about staying in the Commonwealth after getting the cure and being open for romance. Not completely but still. And it would make the Gunners a joinable faction, maybe

Maybe X6-88 is still a courser, but he's one who actually has his own mind and thoughts. His goal is to kidnap people for the "perfect society".

Curie is a synth who wants to be a Mrs. Nanny because she's tired of thinking so much.

Deacon was a member of the Railroad, until he lost his wife to a malfunctioning synth, and became part of the University Point Deathclaws.

Nick was a detective but sooner or later was oucasted and either left to rot amongst junk, or the Institute took him back in to help him.

Preston leaves the Minutemen to be a simple farmer.

Danse might have found out he was a synth, and joined the BoS in hopes to hide and even forget his identity.

Shaun will still be a child, and believes synths are equal people. And/Or the Institute actually wants synths to have free thought, the goal is to restart society underground and make free-thinking immortal people with the synths, which is their reason to kidnap people. I don't want to take them away from being villains, but I do want to make it so that their delusions of kidnapping and killing people for turning into synths to be more justifiable, I guess.

Cait maybe was a chem-addicted fighter whose parents gave her to Tommy because they couldn't feed her, and she ends up getting clean and finding her parents? Kinda similar to the Pauper in the Barbie Princess & The Pauper, tbh.

Dunno about Strong, Hancock, Sole, or Dogmeat though. Then there's the Railroad, Minutemen, and BoS stuff. Railroad and Minutemen might be more thriving this switch-around? And maybe the RR is for synths who escaped because they have the memories of the families they were taken from and see the situation as so wrong.

This whole idea would need tweaking and more thought, some doesn't feel like it's backwards and more of a switch or opposites thing. But characters having their stories made backwards or flip-flopped would be interesting!

If I weren't working on the fanfic with the vampire idea, I'd work on this instead.

[fallout4-reacts]

k-peasants asked: An actual prompt this time! I know you're busy and have plenty of things to write yet, take your time. Soo I was thinking that maybe companions (and Maxson) horribly failing at confessing to Sole. Like for example they could clear out some Raiders, companion is impressed, tries to confess BAM Sole gets fucking decked by random raider they didn't kill. I feel like you could get pretty creative with that one. Like deathclaws, something exploding, just settlers running in, other companions interrupting etc.

Dunno why, but I seems to experience a bug and Tumblr didn't let me add more ... it will be a long ask if I had to add all the companion on one distinctive post after they other... Anyway for now

Part 3

X6-88

(Part 1 : Danse, Deacon, Nick Valentine)

(Part 2 : Hancock, Preston, Strong)

(Part 4 : Gage, MacCready, Piper)

(Part 5 : Cait, Curie, Codsworth, Dogmeat, Elder Maxson)

X6-88 : Since Father assigned him to Sole's protection, the Courser has gone a long way, both literally and morally. Far from it, not everything went as smoothly as butter in the pan.

First, before even learning that he would be the companion of this weird individual, X6 had a very negative view of them on their first expedition together. Sole was paralyzed for a long time in front of the flow of the waves on Libertalia, explaining to a rogue synth that they were terrified by the sea.

The sea frightens them.

Fear of something so...ineffective.

The rogue had long urged and persuaded Sole that finishing this mission was critical. With cover words that sounded like an unknown language, the underdeveloped machine ultimately persuaded Sole to go collect Gabriel, even though the act clearly stinks to him.

That was a lot of information. X6 should have begun to comprehend. But he had clear directives, and none of them prompted him to doubt Sole's objectives or their manners.

And, following this incidence, Sole proved to be effective enough.

Exactly like any other mission.

Over the next few weeks, X6 admitted to having a moment when he thought he had a malfunction. Only for a little moment. There was only one intermission.

Sole gave him the command to execute a child.

Sole was closely detailled by the Courser. Because of the time he had previously spent with them, it appeared to X6 that asking for such an act was completely against Sole's nature. Despite this, Sole ordered X6 to execute the child who had escaped a super-mutant raid under the Commonwealth sun, away from any witnesses.

And X6 stalled.

And X6 declined.

He has no idea why, how, or what compelled him to refuse to obey a command. However, it was "stronger than him," and he was unable to kill the infant.

Sole's lips curled into a faint smile.

They only said, "I knew it," and hugged X6.

A hug!

Sole transferred the child to safety in Diamond City, where he had a few families, and led X6 into the back aisles, forcing him to confront the annoyed rogue in person. And the rogue appeared annoyed.

"Well, well, well. Well, well, seems like they've got themselves quite the collection. They've got my mug, my moniker, and now you've even managed to snag them my humble abode. There were simpler means to inform me that my company is no longer desired, and employing your Courser was unnecessary."

"This one is different."

Different.

Sole believes that X6 is distinctive.

Sole then drastically changed near X6. They opened up and got more... tactile. They frequently sit with him around the fire, talking about morals and philosophy.

X6 was initially hesitant to respond. X6 was initially hesitant to respond because he was not programmed to ask inquiries.

But time passes, and some questions replace others. Increasingly so. And X6 finally questions the Institute.

He let himself fall heavily onto the visitor's seat one evening when he joined Sole in their office at the back of the Sanctuary's bar. Sole considers the Courser with interest, having never seen him do so before.

"Are you okay?"

"Negative. It is not within acceptable parameters. I have successfully perused the reports you requested. As per your directive, I have engaged in the act of examining and pondering. It is not deemed acceptable. It is not within acceptable parameters. The Institute's directives and visions, their actions, and the truth of the matter. It is no longer within the expanse of likelihood… I am unable to comprehend its meaning any longer."

Sole smiles lightly and sweetly and moves one hand toward X6's. He allows it. He is astounded by how much he has grown acclimated to Sole's contacts, as well as how much he feels the need for them.

"What they're doing is incorrect. And you're grasping it. To be honest, consider how incredible it is that you can determine what is right and wrong on your own. It proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that, contrary to popular belief, you are more than a machine. I've known for a long time that you are a thinking being, X6. A true individual capable of his own morality."

"It was all a lie?"

Sole nods solemnly. X6 is even more befuddled.

"However, the subject of your inquiry revolving around your progeny. You did not prioritize preserving your own son's vision? His work?"

Sole sighs despondently. Sadly, the Courser stares at them for a moment. He wants to break, toss away, and destroy what he sees in Sole's eyes. He wishes he could just glimpse the flame in Sole's eyes. This flame of passion that glows when this person feels they have done the right thing, when they fight to liberate a community from their attackers, and when they speak of a world where all would live in peace, harmony, and perfect collaboration.

He doesn't want to see Sole in such sorrow. Never.

"My son. I'm not sure if that's a proper title. I gave birth to a child whom I adored. I would have given anything for him. I fought the entire world for him. I had to go through hell to find him. But I failed to find my son. My son would have understood logic. Instead of these abominations, my son would have realized the good he could do. I was shocked by the destruction when I first was what happened to the Commonwealth, but I also saw the life that wants to return, the hope that seeps in and clings to it with tenacity. My son only saw an atrocity that he had to finish eliminating. At that moment, I realized—my son died in the vault alongside his mother/father."

The emotion in Sole's voice stirs X6's heart. Their speech is completely unacceptable for a Courser, and X6 should immediately report it to the Institute. But X6 is now aware that he has entirely defeated this condition of mind. He has the impression that Sole is telling the truth. He now realizes that the Institute is bad and that X6 no longer stands for this cause.

He then places his hand on Sole's. This thought came along with something more, very deep and very primary, that he must absolutely let out. He takes a deep breath.

"Sole. I am grateful for your confidence in me, and I shall clarify upon one matter at hand, for it is imperative that—

"Whisky!" exclaims MacCready as he actually jumps into Sole's office.

The mercenary has apparently already abused much of Sole's reserve with the other companions, and the party in the other room has virtually ended at X6's feet. Sole smiles lovingly at the mercenary, whom they name their little brother.

"Whisky!" They take over the choir, picking the man up and taking him into the other room. They glance apologically at X6. "We will continue this conversation another time, I promise you."

"Yeah,” growls X6, not convinced.

[sassenashsworld]

Deacon : I am hidden

Preston : You know the minute you mention it, it burns your position?

Deacon : I am disguised as minutemen, and the colonel speaks to me casually. I didn’t burn anything

Preston : [sigh] Who are you hiding from?

Deacon : Nora drags a Courser with her

Preston : You know you’re NOT a synth?

X6-88 : There’s a rogue here?

Deacon : EEEEEEEEEEEH

[nthflower]

Coursers are enslaved lab-made human clones with mechanic parts and extremely dangerous and actually have personalities and sentience but people who make them says they don't and they are just tools and synths that have gone rouge seem as so dangerous even in fact they are not and this is just like SecUnits or comfortunits etc from murderbot.

Soooooooooo I am using my autistic power of crossovering and headcanoning now X6-88 actually have a pretty colorful inner monologue. And extremely rich personality. Because that bitch has a personality I can feel it.

[slocumjoe]

So, someone asked me about the ending to my deleted fic about x6 finding his place in the world and his own version if humanity.

So, a summary of X6, and my headcanons for why he is the way he is, as well as what the fic was about. It was an exploration on what could make X6 who he is, and what makes anyone anything

Background

X6-88 started off as a personal assistant to a Dr. Paris, a head of the Bio division, whose thesis project revolved around restoring greenery and healthy plant life to the topside. Paris was often shunned for his concern for the topside, as well as his insistence on treating X6 as a surrogate son and that, even if synths don't have souls and aren't people, it's still unbecoming to abuse them. His notion was that, if you are angry, punching a person and punching a wall are both depictions of immaturity and ill temper; the fact that the wall doesn't feel it doesn't mean that you are not explosive and volatile.

Paris had a taste for the old world pleasures, and taught X6 art, attempted teaching him instruments, and succeeded better in giving him a proper education, like any of the kids growing up in the Institute. Often, Paris would encourage X6 to paint whatever he felt like or could imagine, and discouraging efforts to be realistic or otherwise "valuable."

This aspect was directly tied into questions I had for my own work, if the quality of a creation mattered more than the passion and heart put into it. Is art better if more people understand it, or is it better to create something that people can only stare at and wonder about?

When X6 was about 7 (I HC him to be about 12), a synth tried escaping from the Institute the hard way (bumrushing), and ran into X6 and Paris. She attempted to attack Paris with a energy pistol, and despite Paris telling him to stay out of the way, X6 tried to intervene and take down the other synth. She still managed to shoot and disintegrate Paris.

Paris' wife removed X6-88 from their family's ownership (basically fired him) and blamed him for the death, attempting to have him wiped for not following her father's orders. Upon being an unowned, run of the mill synth again, X6-88 went into the courser program. He rationalized it as simply a need to be fulfilled, but deep down, it was a means to atone for his failure.

Main plot

The fic was pretty silly. It started with X6-88 choosing to move out of the bunkhouse August/Sole had built for the companions to live in, after kitchen mishaps led to his precious coat being melted.

The coat was a status symbol and reminder of what he had lost, and had to make up for, and had succeeded in doing. And with the others slowly moving out as well, X6 wanted to get some god damn peace, seeing as Gus didn't like him remaining in the Institute. (Which is not destroyed in my narrative).

X6-88 instead finds a renovated apartment complex in Concord, Sanctuary's sister city, almost a district of the growing settlement. A large aspect of the fic was the Institute replicating strawberries, and the Cafe down the road producing, basically, strawberry donuts. Piper moves into the same complex with Nat, and brings a box of said donuts as a neighborly peace offering.

Piper featured heavily in the fic as an unlikely friend to X6-88, especially once they establish a bookclub with Curie. This happens when X6 attempts to find interior decorating magazines to find inspiration for his living space, and stumbles upon a trashy erotica and becomes hooked. While delivering donuts, Piper sees the book with the pages tabbed, and insists he joins bookclub. He does, only so that she doesn't tell anyone, knowing that he can't just kill her to ensure her silence. Among other things, he would also join her and Nat for breakfast, and find Nat endlessly amusing, being around the same moral grey area at an angsty 11 year old girl. Piper and Nat would help to inform his ideas on what Family could be and mean and look like.

Nick also featured, slowly coming to see what path X6 had taken without realizing it. With the others help, they make him a new coat. When presented it, X6 freaks out and rejects it, spitting on the gesture and taking offense.

While on a job for Gus, X6 discovers a cat out in the wild, and names her Pyewhacket, in reference to something I no longer remember. She was based heavily on my own cat at the time, I believe. Pie's place in the story was to serve as a reminder of his capabilities for gentleness and concern, thawing out his heart that he'd frozen a long time ago.

This fic was started when I was still in an abusive house situation, and was fed mostly on my dreams of escaping and figuring out who I was underneath what I had to be to survive, and questions on who I could have been without those circumstances. I was very angry, cold, reserved person back then, and desperately wished people could see through what I felt were obvious cracks in that armor.

Throughout this, Augustijn (at the time, he was called Jesse), would show up and attempt to wax philosophical at him, trying to jog his opinions toward the direction of "let yourself be a person." While his intentions were pure, much of X6-88's conflict was that he didn't know if he was, or if he even wanted to be. He couldn't believe himself human, he just wasn't. What did that leave? Ultimately, Gus wanted to help, but his solutions didn't match what X6-88 needed.

This would culminate when X6-88 would join him and Piper on a trip down into the Institute. X6 ran into Paris's daughter and was horrified, recognized her and knowing that she didn't know the full story. This story was exposed by some shitty dude who previously had a bone to pick with X6.

Piper or Gus, I can't remember which, attempted to seek him out and check on him, but X6 lashed out and effectively retreated into his apartment. He spends however much time keeping himself busy, picking up drawing again but painfully aware of the limits he sets for himself, focusing more on realism than expression.

What we didn't get to

Eventually, Nick would kick down the door, give him the updates on what was going on with the Institute. Part of the thing with the Strawberries was that it was part of Paris's project, and they're almost at fruition (haha, pun not planned). However, it's been discovered that his ashes were buried with the documents for his project, and they're pretty sure he had the final piece. This could be a game changer for the Commonwealth. Problem; his tomb (the Institute has, like, a catacomb) is locked with the same thumbprint ID Paris used for everything. It's an old, old, OLD technology that isn't hacked easily. They know Paris had his thumbprint as an ID, but the Institute knows that someone else had theirs as a valid print as well. Nick asks if that person would be X6. X6 says no. Nick frowns and takes his leave, subtly calling him on his BS.

This portion would have been X6 trying to figure out why he does and doesn't want to assist in finishing Paris's lifelong work. One on hand, he wants to help put the man to rest. On the other, he lost all value for the topside when Paris died. Than again, Paris's work is almost complete. Than again, does he have the right to aid it, after his death?

Eventually, Gus would convince X6 to join him in exploring the catacombs, an area Gus hasn't ventured in. He wants to pay his respects to the history of the Institute. Eventually, they would end at Paris's catacombs, and Gus would have convinced X6 enough to open the door, if only to pay his own respects and confront his past.

This portion would delve into the idea of feeling obligated to your own suffering, that what your pain turned you into made that for a reason. It questioned why people often turn to the idea that the people who loved them would want them to suffer, and that grief is for yourself as much as it the person you lost, who you felt made the world manageable. It explored a loss of something you didn't really get to have in the first place. X6 would find that Paris had his tomb filled with X6's old art projects, messy and unrefined but oozing something unnamable.

Returning to the topside, X6 would return to his easel, and paint a portrait that could never exist; Paris, sitting at the window of X6's, apartment, Pie the cat in his lap, overlooking fields of Strawberries and a lush green Commonwealth. It would have been an very theatrical piece, wholly unconcerned with accuracy and looking more like paint was splashed on by the bucket. However, it looks just as X6 remembers his mentor, his father. Otherworldly in his serenity, happy to enjoy the mess of life.

X6 would find himself digging that new coat out from his closet and try it on for the first time. It was made from death claw leather, dyed as dark as they were able, and carefully designed to suit his needs. It would be high quality, but not the uniform coats of the Coursers. This coat came from the wild, the topside, from a place of affection and concern and understanding. The uniform was just a uniform, a sign he had passed a test.

The fic would then end on Piper, Curie, and X6 having bookclub, starting with a new trashy novel.

Notes

I was a hot mess at the time and was mostly word vomiting my own fears, desires, and pain into word documents, so the story often jumped all over the place. There were a lot of technical things that led to me taking it down out of embarrassment, scenes and themes too messy to clean up without starting all over. There was also the struggle of communicating something I felt uncommicatable, and pouring myself out there and feeling exposed in a way I didn't plan on.

The initial title was Strawberry Donuts of War, and then My Hope and My Fear is Human Interaction. The first was a joke, the other a lyric from the song AI by OneRepublic.

I have snippets of the fic here and there in my documents, but I'd have to do some serious digging and piecing together to find the whole thing.

I abandoned it also around the time of the George Floyd riots. I am a white person, and I didn't feel right projecting onto an enslaved black man during that period. I posted a chapter Authors Note about it, as well as resources for BLM, but later decided I couldn't stand the taste it left in my mouth.