#Constantine does not like this car. At. All.

[kizzer55555]

The car is HAUNTED?!

So there is this fanfic where Danny is injured and possesses Batman’s cape until he can recover. What if instead, he possesses the bat mobile? Like, now Danny has access to all of this weaponry and can move around at will. Danny swerves to protect the bats from incoming projectiles and can fire to cover for them. The bat-mobile has suddenly started to show up whenever they need it either for a ride (and the bat-mobile has a camouflage mode to look like a normal car) or they might be calling for backup and no one answers when suddenly, batmobile comes tearing down the road. If they are being chased, Batmobile fires missiles at their attacker, if they are trapped in a building, batmobile drives through the wall. If they just need a coffee, batmobile shows up (and somehow obtained it from a drive through). At first, everyone thinks that the batmobile just got an update in its autopilot systems. Or that the autopilot is acting out. Then they realize no one uploaded anything and start freaking out. (They might also assume it could have been hacked but they can’t fine anything unusual in it’s servers and it’s only been helping them). On one hand, the batmobile has been really useful lately. On the other hand, is their car haunted?!

Imagine Constantine knows something is wrong with the car and Danny chasing him around because it’s fun. Then freezes when one of the bats comes in like a game of red light green light. Sees Bats: red light. Freeze. Sees Constantine: GREEN LIGHT! GOOOOO!

[emo-batboy]

Things Battinson Totally Did During His First Year of University

Using Unhinged or Odd Things I Also Did as a College Freshman :D

Note: for this list, let’s believe Bruce was living in an (admittedly expensive and swanky) dorm because it is required for first-years, especially those entering at a young age, and Alfred told him he needed to make friends. Also yes I did every single thing on this list. I never claimed to be a role model

Bruce, to his TA: I’m so sorry I’m late to class. I gave blood a few hours ago and almost fainted on the way here, but it won’t happen again.

Signs up for a class called “Age of Dinosaurs” despite it not being required whatsoever and proceeds to work his entire schedule around it

Bruce: Your mental health is super important. If you think you should see the on-campus therapist, go see them. Friend: Fine. I’ll sign up for therapy if you sign up for therapy too. Bruce: Hold on-

Finds a loophole in his housing contract that allows him to get a pet frog, calls him kermit :)

Gets a second frog because Kermit was lonely, names it Constantine after Muppets Most Wanted, then realizes that they’re gay for each other. Wonders if the rainbow-colored rocks he got them triggered anything

Swings dramatically between calling Alfred every single day and ghosting him for weeks, cries when he realizes what he did

“Accidentally” joins the student body council, doesn’t know what he’s doing, gets re-elected anyway

Molds a dragon out of Laffy Taffy instead of doing his work

Bruce: *joins Honors, gets all A’s, takes the max amount of classes, has several minors, overachieves* Also Bruce: I’m a failure.

Breaks into a building after hours to study because NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE LIBRARY

Bruce: I will not get seasonal depression this year. Bruce: *gets real and seasonal depression that year*

Meticulously schedules his day with a color-coded planner because if he sits down for too long, the thoughts will consume him

Gives a presentation to his rhetoric class on how much he likes Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (it is 20 minutes long)

Successfully allocates funding from the student body council to pay for free feminine products in the dorms OUT OF SPITE because someone said it couldn't be done. fuck you, Andrew

Bruce: It is not an all-nighter if I go to sleep before my first class. Friend: It is 7:30am, the sun is in the sky, and your first class is at 12:30. Bruce: But I am getting sleep.

Refuses to go anywhere without his backpack because what if he needs three notebooks at once

Loses over 20 pounds because ✨stress✨ and scares the shit out of Alfred when he comes home for Thanksgiving

Argues with his TA over the one (1) question he got wrong on his Dinosaur exam

Bruce, calling Alfred: Hello father figure. How do I do taxes? Do I have to do them myself? Also, I think I’m having a panic attack.

Joins in on a charity arts-and-crafts project that gives kids books with matching activities made by volunteers, proceeds to commandeer the project because “it’s not color-blind friendly” and rewrites the instructions for everyone

Makes a murder wall

Goes to one (1) sports game and proceeds to leave in the first ten minutes because it’s way too loud wtf is wrong with people

Professor, addressing the lecture hall: I dare you to write an essay about these two sentences. Bruce: *writes an essay about six words, gets a 100, never even read the book*

Crawls into the ceiling for some alone time

Ghosts someone after a date because he’s too scared to tell them he didn’t know it was a date in the first place and now he feels bad

Classmate: How tf does he walk across campus that fast? I go in the same direction he does on my bike, and he’s always ahead of me. Bruce: *is gay sprinting to Dinosaur class*

Refuses to let others use his Favorite Pen TM

Constantly gets mistaken for a Grad Student because he is “so wise and mature” (bestie, that’s the autism)

Alfred: *casually mentions he got into a car accident through text* Bruce: *replies with a meme while hyperventilating because he doesn’t know what to do with that information??!*

Wears a suit to one of his finals

Regularly eats non-organic food for the first time in his life, proceeds to learn about several allergies Alfred forgot to mention he has

Writes “What is a Hot Pocket?” in calligraphy and proceeds to laugh his ass off alone in his dorm because he is so exhausted he’s reached the point of delusion

Locks himself out of his dorm right before class, frantically asks the floor group chat if someone can help, proceeds to tell the nice gay man on the floor who saved him “I love you” because his social skills have hit rock bottom

Makes a little music album display next to his desk for his favorite band (Nirvana) His friends call it a shrine, and they are technically correct

Has a blacklist of people he refuses to interact with because Reasons

Counselor: What do you want to do when you graduate? Bruce: *gestures vaguely*

Refuses to take the bus because there are people in there and he doesn’t like those

Loses one of his frogs, how tf did he do that, they’re fully aquatic, oh fuck, this is probably why they got rid of that loophole a year later because unbeknownst to Bruce, he accidentally started a frog revolution in the dorms, btw he SWEARS he did not mean to do that

Has two trash cans in his room: one for the Good Garbage, and one for the Bad Garbage. Only Bruce knows which is which

Bruce: *writes a creative piece about a ship’s final thoughts as it sinks, bringing its passengers down with it* TA: Absolutely lovely, Bruce, but are you okay?

Goes on Night Walks, keeps himself safe by maintaining a level 12 resting bitch face at all times

Earns the nickname “8th floor cryptid” after pacing the halls at 3am when it’s too cold for Night Walks (honestly tho how tf didn’t he get the nickname earlier?)

Bruce: Do you think a depressed person could do this? Bruce: *has a manic episode*

Okay that's all love you BYE

[idontcaboose]

Haunted car Au part 17

I guess I will put another warning here, a few more swear words, and honestly, probably a lot more in future chapters. Duke, Jason, and Danny just feed off each other's gremlin tendencies (mine too). This is not a 'get along like a house on fire'. This is a forest fire. These three in a crack fic of pure younger sibling energy went a wee bit out of hand, and I feel sorry for what they are putting Babs and Dick through.... Not sorry enough since I am still writing it and giggling like a school girl, but I empathize.

Previous. Masterpost

“Heeeeeyyyy, Oracle. I have some good, interesting, and bad news.” Jason asked Barbara as soon as she picked up.

“Hood, I swear to every god on this planet, It better be a big emergency, I just got to sleep.”

Jason winced. “Sorry O, good news, I found Danny-”

“Where, is he ok?”

“Calm down Barbie, he is…. mostly fine.”

“Hood”

“Interesting news, we need a magic user. Bad news, it’s a Constantine question.”

The sound of the static from the phone was the only thing that proved that she did not hang up on them.

“Hood, for everything holy, Explain.”

“The Batmobile started acting weird after the other night when B had to come back early because of his bad concussion and broken ribs. Don't let him downplay it, I saw A’s report. Anyway, it was acting weird, so I looked into it and ta-da. It seems like the missing street kid is possessing the car.” Duke quickly explained.

“What is our lives-” Barbara whispered just loud enough to be picked up. “Ok, since we now know more information, I will call Zatanna and Constantine. Unfortunately, they are on some sort of mission that is scheduled to be done in a few days. Can I trust you two to keep Danny safe? Has anyone told B yet?”

“Fuck B, he didn't notice and dropped this on Signal, benched him even, like it was his fault!” Hood argued. “Besides, he doesn't get to adopt this one-”

“Are you volunteering then?” Barbara snarked.

“Fuck off, no, B does not need another kid.”

“We can all pretty much agree on that.” Duke muttered.

“How did you figure out it was Danny anyway?” Barbara asked, changing the subject.

“I downloaded all of RR's PowerPoint sound files into the Batmobile’s radio storage.” Duke said proudly. “We were able to somewhat communicate, but Hood was the one that got the Danny connection going.”

“Ok, so what do we want to do until the magic users respond?” Jason asked.

“All we can do is keep it on the down low. Keep Danny safe in the cave, and hope that Constantine doesn't go on one of his after mission benders for a week.” Barbara sighed out. “So, I know this is a very hard ask, but stay out of trouble while I get some sleep.”

“Ya, ya, Barbie, I will keep the gremlins in line.” Jason said as he hung up the phone.

Next

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[hughmanbean]

Are You Not Entertained?

The High Queen has a problem. Boredom! Just a tad. But boredom can lead to many things, like mischief and meddling. And the Ancients know what happens when the High Queen is bored.

So Ghost Writer has teamed up with some other the other playwright and novelist ghosts to find something to entertain her.

With a little advice from Clockwork, they find the perfect dimension to amuse the Queen. So they all draft up a plot and set off, influencing various events to lead to a way for the Queen to come along and watch as every little plan unfolds.

They're done now, so it's time to bring the Queen to watch something interesting.

---

Constantine inspects the various runes, glowing items, and green smudges on the table, the rest of the JL watching him expectantly.

"Well, what are they?" Flash speaks out nervously, fidgeting. He'd found several traces of this stuff in Central city, from cars to buildings to even people. The rest of the JL members had reported the same.

"Nothing good. From what I could gather these things are the work of the subjects of the High Queen."

"The High Queen?"

"Well Bats, officially it's the High Queen of the Infinite Realms. Ruler of All and whatnot. I'd say that this is the work of some of the Realms Beings that she controls. Though none of it is her directly doing anything from what I can tell."

The rest of the JL look at him for more explanation, Zatanna gives him a look that he's on his own for this one, and John inwardly curses at the fact he's the one that has to explain this.

"The Infinite Realms are the In-between. They're also The Beginning and The End at the same time. Anything is, was, or will be has at one point been there. The High Queen, as a result, controls all of this."

"What does that mean, Constantine?"

"Well dark and broody, that means that we're royally screwed."

[johnwickb1tsch]

The Girl Next Door - Chapter 3

A Constantine x FemVampire!Reader fic based on this imagine. all chapters warnings: nsfw, blood, biting, brief mention date rape, domestic violence, not reader oh make me over, i'm all i wanna be, a walking study, in demonology - celebrity skin, hole

3. for the life of the flesh is in the blood 

It is both a relief and a disappointment, that you find your first experience of feeding on John Constantine was quite singular. No one since has inspired the same brand of heady lust when you break a vein. You think about him often, but you've done your best to give the demon hunter a wide berth. You're sure the last thing he wants is some needy little leech following him around, begging for his attention. 

You're sure he only saved you out of pity, anyway. 

It still hurts, so you try not to think about it anymore.

You have taken to hunting your meals amongst the evil doers of the city—of which there is no shortage, in the City of Angels. Your favorite method has become playing the party-going damsel in a bar not watching her drink. When the inevitable asshole drops a dose of something in it, a thing you have found does not affect you at all, you play drowsy and accompany him to the inevitable alley or sometimes even his car, where you pounce.

You can't say you feel too terrible about removing such trash from the population. You're not sure how God feels about your methods, but then you're not sure it matters any way. It helps pay your rent too. Holding down a job as a vampire kind of went out the window, so you help yourself to whatever cash you find in your criminals' wallets with little remorse. 

The fact of the matter is, as time goes on...you don't exactly hate being a vampire. It took some adjustment, sure, but you have power you'd only dreamed of as a human woman. You can go anywhere you want now without fear. You are fast. You are strong. You haven't figured out flying yet, but even that seems like it might be possible down the line. 

Maybe you could ask a fellow vampire about what is and isn't possible, but you have yet to actually meet one. 

You've sensed them around the streets of LA—but in the end you always chicken out and flee the scene. The vampires who made you were not exactly shining examples. You're not in a hurry to fall in with their ilk. You'd observed there was a definite pecking order in the coven that took you, and you're not exactly eager to become some asshole's toady again, a little cog in some evil plot or another. You’d played that game in corporate America in your old life, and you're not going back to it. 

One evening when you are heading out for the night you run into John in the hallway again. 

You are astounded when he is first to greet you. "Y/n."

"Hi, John." You can't help but feel the contrast to the way you used to play this game. You feel the loss of innocence, of your humanity, so keenly when you see him. You'd be a liar if you said the sight of his stupid, handsome face didn't still move you. The loss of what might have been...hurts, like a half-healed wound with a finger in it. You haven't been avoiding him, per se...but seeing him still ties you up in knots in a way you don't necessarily like. 

"You look...nice." You glance down at your dark low-cut dress and leather jacket. Bar bait chic. It's quite a shift, from the sweet floral sundresses and bright colors you once favored. 

"I was just popping out for a bite to eat."

"Yeah?" He is looking at you with an intensity that makes you squirm a little inside. A look that a vampire does not like, on the receiving end from a demon hunter. "How's that...going for you?" 

"Fine."

He looks around the hallway for potential eavesdroppers. You already know it's vacant. Your hearing was excellent on the night you were Born to Darkness, and it's only improved from there. 

"Fine?"

You cross your arms with a look of what the fuck else do you expect me to say out here?

Constantine makes an annoyed sound that's almost a growl. 

You shouldn't find it as endearing as you still do. 

“Come talk to me a minute?” he invites, nodding towards his apartment. 

Remembering all the crosses and weapons he has stashed in there, you're not too keen to go, in case he's decided letting you live your undead life was an oversight. 

You wrinkle your nose like you’ve smelled something bad. "You can come talk to me in here," you counter, nodding towards your own space. 

He smirks at you, as though he knows very well the cause for your caution. “Sure,” he agrees, cocky as ever. John Constantine isn’t afraid to walk unarmed into the lair of a baby vamp like you.

You unlock your door again, ushering him in with a wave. As he steps inside you are struck again by how big he is in your tiny apartment. A wave of nostalgia hits you, for a night when you'd still been human, and he'd made you feel like you were the most desirable woman in the world.

Suddenly, your throat is tight.

Wow. Who knew you could still feel these things as a creature of the night? You’ve been so focused on your day to day, or night to night, as it were. You never really allowed yourself to process everything that had happened. You were too busy figuring out how the fuck to survive.

"Do you...want something to drink?" you ask, looking in your pantry. “Or perhaps can I interest you in some whole kernel corn?” Your perishable options have long gone by the wayside, but you still have alcohol, canned goods, and dry cereal. All together, not the most appetizing combination.

A snort of laughter escapes him at your attempt at humor, and he seats himself in one of your surviving kitchen chairs like he owns the place. "Sure. To the drink. Hold the vegetables."

You produce a bottle of Scotch that you may have bought with him in mind after your little tryst, and pour him a couple fingers.

"What about you?" he asks with a glitter of something in those obsidian dark eyes. Even with all your vampire senses, this man is still hard to read as a brick wall.  

You cant your head to look at him, curious what he’s about. That is when you realize... you smell desire. You hear the spike of his heartbeat, see the dilation of his pupils almost lost in the black of his irises. 

His only outward tell is the corner of his mouth curled up, but blood never lies.

You yourself would be a liar if you said you hadn't thought about the way he'd tasted that first night with a sharp longing. 

The sound of his pulse hammering in your ears makes you bold enough to ask, "Why, are you offering, John?"

He lifts one eyebrow nonchalantly, though the sound of his racing heart is sweet sweet music to your ears. 

"Maybe."

Cautious as a cat, you dare approach, a finger sliding along the surface of the table as you regard him curiously. Cool as ever, he leans back in his chair, man-spreading as he looks up at you. You stand between his legs, looking down at him with a new confidence, armed with the knowledge of his blood rushing double-time through his veins. 

He certainly hadn’t sought you out before this. Not once in the past few months has he even tried to check on you. At least, as far as you know.

He tilts his head up, returning your gaze. It’s impressive, really, how little he manages to show on the outside, while you can sense the rising roil of something brewing within him. Lust, you tell yourself. Anything more…would be wishful thinking, on your part.

You really should know better by now, but you still can’t help but carry a torch for this man, stupid little vampire that you are.

“A little warning: I’ve heard some hot shot High Table vampire hunter is in town from New York. You should be careful where you go to hunt.”

Your own heart thumps in your chest. Just the once. You don’t have a regular heartbeat anymore, unless you’ve just fed on someone.

“You worried about me, John?”

“As far as I've heard, you're keeping your nose clean, but I thought you should know."

So he has been keeping track of you. 

"I’m not exactly feasting on the blood of newborn babes."

He winces a little at that, as though you have invoked some long-buried memory. You suppose you cannot fathom the horrors this man has seen in his time battling the Darkness.

"Who are you feasting on?"

"Mostly assholes who deserve a lot worse than what I give them."

It's his turn to tilt his head as he looks up at you, his eyes sharp as a hawk’s. "What does that mean?"

"Do you really want to know?" you ask, propping a hand on your hip. What you really want to do is insinuate yourself into this man’s lap, but some sense of self-preservation holds you back.

"It's why I asked."

"Ok.” You start to tick your recent exploits off on your fingers. “I saved a girl from getting mugged and maybe worse the other day while she was walking to her car at night. Before that, I snacked on a date raper who tried to drug my drink. Before that, I broke up a domestic dispute and made the piece of shit husband disappear. Before that—"

Both of John’s dark eyebrows shoot up.

"Ok, Miss Vigilante Vamp. I get the picture." There's a gleam in his eye, and you almost think he might be proud of you? Or at least, amused. You should not care, of course, but his approval definitely tickles some long-buried little pleasure center in your brain. You always were a teacher’s pet type, for better or for worse. "You should be careful though. You could get hurt."

"By who?” you counter, knowing you sound cocky as hell. “This vampire hunter?” 

“I think you missed the part where I said he’s  High Table?”

“What does that mean?”

He gives you a look like you should know that, but you don’t know how or why you would.

“It means you don’t want to mess with him. I heard he’s here for the Master, but you don’t want to attract his attention.”

“The Master?” You are so confused.

Seemingly exasperated, he lifts his eyebrow at you. It kind of starts to piss you off. “I don’t know any other vampires, John.” And he certainly made no efforts before now to fill you in. 

“Look, just be careful, ok? Just because you’re a vampire now doesn’t mean you’re invincible.”

It’s almost touching, that he’s worried about you. It would be, at least, if it didn’t sound so fucking much like mansplaining.

“A girl’s gotta eat, John.”

“Well…you coulda asked.”

You narrow your eyes down at him, knowing they flash a molten orange with your annoyance. The thing he said when you’d first woken as a vampire echoes in your mind, the way it has every night since. I guess they thought you meant something to me.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“I told you I’d help you. You kinda disappeared on me after that.”  

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Thinking some distance might be a good thing after all, you turn to go, just to have his long fingers wrap around your wrist. “Wait—” 

You try to pull away, and he doesn’t let go, so you jerk him out of the chair like he’s a ragdoll. You find yourself in a pile on the floor with John Constantine’s solid weight half on top of you—not a horrible arrangement, truth be told, but the context is less than ideal.

“Jesus. Easy there, tiger.”

The fact that this man has the gall to needle you, after everything that has happened, suddenly fills you with white-hot heat, like gasoline on a fire. You’ve been bottling it up for months, just shoving it down so you can do what you have to do, but now everything bubbles to the surface with a vengeance. Suddenly, you are sitting on him, a clawed finger pointing into his chest. “You asshole. I got turned into this thing that I am because of you, because I was stupid enough to care about you, but I was supposed to be the one knocking on your door for a handout? I bet you would have just loved it, if I came crawling back to you for another taste.”

It’s just so fucking unfair.

That you can still feel so much for this man, and maybe he desires you back, but outside of that there’s just nothing. You’re sure of it. It shouldn’t matter to you anymore but it does and it hurts. Jesus fucking Christ it hurts.

You feel too much.

You’ve always felt too much, as a human, and now as a monster, apparently, and it sucks. You feel the sting of tears filling your eyes, and you know they look like blood to him and it’s just so gross you could scream.

“Tell me how to do it,” you hiss through the aching lump in your throat. “How do I feel nothing like you, because I’m so tired of this.”

Constantine’s frown is utterly thunderous below you. You guess it’s a real buzz kill, when people—monsters—emote all over you. He says nothing, just glares back up at you, breathing heavily through his nose.

Only later will it occur to you what a miracle it was, that he didn’t go for his cross, or a holy gun, or gold knuckles, with a spitting mad vampire perched on top of him. He really does have nerves of steel.

Only when you notice a small dot of blood blooming on his white shirt beneath your razor-sharp fingernail you let up, clenching your clawed fists at your sides.  

“Sorry,” you half-snarl, closing your eyes against everything. But now the scent of blood is in the air. His blood, and it is just as intoxicating as you remember from before, and a powerful, prickling heat rises within you, spreading out to him too. Every hair on his body lifts, and you wonder if he reacts to you this way because of his psychic abilities, or if…it’s just the chemistry between you. Some of the tension in his frame softens—other parts of him decidedly do not.

“My life is dangerous, y/n. What happened to you is exactly the reason I don’t have many friends.”

Or lovers, hangs unsaid in the air.

“Yeah. Well…too late for me, I guess. What’s the worst that can happen now?”

“You never want to challenge God like that. Believe me.”

“Why do you sound so certain it’s God who makes bad things happen?”

He snorts derisively. “Because as far as I can tell, he’s an even bigger asshole than I am.”

You look away, feeling guilty all of a sudden. “I’m sorry I called you that.”

Surprisingly he turns your gaze back to him with a finger on your chin. “It’s ok. The shoe fits.”

You get the sense that this is his way of apologizing…maybe, and the last of your anger leaks from your body. You nod, and close your eyes, and one of those bloody tears escapes to make its way down the curve of your cheek. No one is more surprised than you, when he reaches up to wipe it away.

“For what it’s worth…you’re not bad, for a vampire.” Coming from him, that’s quite the declaration. Again, you’re not proud of what it does to you, to receive praise from this man who usually keeps so aloof. 

You dare to open your eyes, your vision sharpening upon him, your vampire senses keen to detect a lie. You can tell he’s a little excited beneath his cool façade, but it doesn’t feel like he’s lying to you. That has a certain smell. A pheromone maybe, or a stink of fear of getting caught.

“Yeah?”

He sits up, so that you are cradled on his lap, nearly nose to nose, and you can’t help but be painfully aware, groin to groin. He’s so tall, and broad, and you still want to climb him like a tree. Another wave of that titillating energy rises in you, a mix of hunger and desire. You know he feels it too. You can tell by the way his eyelids half-close, his grip tightening momentarily on your thighs.

It’s not a horrible development, truth be told.  

“Yeah.”

“Even though I scare you?”

“Let’s go with…yes and no, on that,” he answers with a quirk of the side of his mouth.

“Hmm. You know, it’s hard to lie to a vampire?”

“Can’t say I usually spend much time conversing.” He cups your cheek, his fingers sliding into your hair—and you’re not sure you really want to converse anymore either. “I was giving you space—guess I should have kicked down your door.”

“You could have just…knocked,” you tell him with narrowed eyes, smiling in spite of yourself. You feel your teeth pressing into your lips—and you shut your mouth again.

“I know they’re there,” he teases you, surprisingly gently, his thumb tracing the curve of your lower lip. “You don’t have to hide them.”

You close your eyes again, sighing. “I just…feel like such a monster.” 

Again his long fingers slide through your hair, like he’s petting you. It does things to you, to be stroked like a favored pet by this man. 

“You’re not a monster.” You clench your fists, so moved to hear him say it. And as you do, you can feel your claws biting into your palms. You lift your hands so he can see them. 

“No?”

He examines them, seemingly nonplussed. You guess he’s seen bigger and sharper. “No,” he asserts again. 

Your eyes flick down to the little bloodstain upon his nice white shirt. “I made you bleed.” 

“I probably deserved it,” he excuses with that smirk that pulls at your undead heartstrings. “Keep going like you are, you might get to Heaven before I do.”

“John…” you sigh, a wave of emotion sweeping through you that you can’t even name. “Why are you being so nice to me?” 

“Me? Nice?” Again, that barely discernible purse of lips, the suppression of a smile that would give him away. 

You find yourself staring at his mouth, before forcing your eyes up to meet his once again. You don’t do it on purpose, but the power of your hunger fills you like a cup, spilling over into him where your bodies touch. This time he gives in to that tingling wave of treacherous pleasure, closing his eyes and letting it wash over him without a fight. Longing throbs in your loins, and hunger in your belly. They really feel one and the same, in this man’s arms.

“You’re…getting good at that,” he tells you, his voice low and gravely with desire.

“It just…happens, with you,” you’re almost reluctant to admit.

He smirks, the way you just knew he would, the smug bastard. “Just with me, huh?”

You roll your eyes to the ceiling. This man.

His low chuckle should not inspire such a thrill inside you. His strong arm looped around your waist, pulling you harder against him, does not help either.

Your claws have retracted again, and you run your hand up the flat of his chest, fingering the starched collar of his white shirt. You are gratified to receive a shuddering sigh as your touch moves higher, caressing the jumping pulse in his neck longingly.

“Bar’s open,” he offers.

It’s your turn to sigh, and you go about undoing his tie, carefully loosening the knot, resisting the urge to tear it off of him. You’ve learned a little bit more about how to control your hunger now, but it’s all still so new. You wonder if you can use it to make this, whatever this is, last longer than the frenzied chaotic rush it was last time.

“Did you miss me, John?”

He doesn’t answer you, just makes a sound low in his throat and leans in to kiss you instead, and with his soft mouth on yours you are content to let it go for now.

Maybe if you read between the lines, it’s answer enough anyway.

It’s a little funny, that the two of you never really make it up off the floor. Wrapped up in the wonderful, heady power that is your hunger, amplified by mutual desire, you are content to shed clothing and trade appreciative caresses there on the rug. You had not forgotten how beautiful this man is, the feeling of his warm muscled flesh beneath your questing hands, and yet still it somehow surprises you.

He makes a face as he pushes your jacket from your shoulders, tossing it unnecessarily far across the room. “You don’t like it?” you tease breathily.

“It doesn’t suit you,” he admits, and goes for your dress next, pulling it up over your head. He stares down at the skin he bared, your lacy push-up bra. He’s kinder to the dress, but maybe just because he’s distracted, ducking to kiss the soft mounds of your breasts.

The glitter in his dark eyes as you extricate his belt from between your pressed bodies should be illegal, it’s so intoxicating. With a hand on his bare chest you press him down to lay back on the floor. He does not fight you, looking up at you with that signature smirk that makes your blood boil. Rolling your hips against his straining erection between you wipes some of the smug off his expression, replacing it with a raw need.

With careful fingers you unbutton his pants and extricate him into the palm of your hand, his velvety length almost searing hot against your cool grip. Your undead body hungers for the warmth of his life, absorbing it anywhere you touch. His nerve falters a little, as he watches your fanged mouth descend towards his swollen manhood, his eyes widening just a bit. It’s your turn to smirk up at him.

“I haven’t tried this yet, John. I’d be very still, if I were you.”

He doesn’t tell you to stop, and the sound he makes as you descend on his hard cock with your silken tongue isn’t pain. In fact, it’s extremely gratifying. You are careful, and as you work him up and down with your mouth he trembles with the effort not to move beneath you. When his fingers tangle in your hair you moan against him, winning a twitch of his hips that would have made you smile, had your mouth not been so very full. You withdraw with a pop that makes him growl with pleasure beneath you. “Fuck, y/n...”

He tries to sit up to reach for you, but you pin him down again with one hand, tilting your head with a playful look down on him. The heated frustration in his narrowed eyes is rather priceless. Maybe you’ll pay for this later, but the predator’s instinct in you is enjoying this immensely.

Too impatient to take them off, you pull your panties to the side to sink onto his beautiful cock, his thick head pushing past your entrance rocking your head back with ecstasy. “John…” you sigh, moving your hips up and down, until he’s seated fully inside you, bottoming out against your cervix. It doesn’t hurt, like it once did. You are learning all kinds of things about your new vampire body.

“I would have returned the favor,” he rasps, his head rocking back hard into the floor as you carefully squeeze him inside you, conscientious of your new strength. It wins you a gratifying moan, his eyes drifting closed.

“Next time,” you answer cheekily. If he can’t admit that he missed you—then you’ll be damned if you say it first, even if it is the truth.  

You look down, fascinated by the sight of his big hands on your thighs, his strong fingers pressing into your flesh. The whip-cord muscles of his forearms draws your eyes, to the curve of his bicep and the sweep of his collarbone—your attention fixes on the jumping vein in his neck like a laser. 

You lean down to lick his pulse and he tilts his head, baring his neck for you. You know that part of it is him riding the power that crackles between you, but another part–it feels like a gesture of trust, and somehow that warms your undead heart. The razor-sharp tips of your fangs brush his pulse, winning you a sigh. “Do it,” he moans, surging inside you, lifting you with his hips. It’s all too much to resist, and with trembling caution you slide your fingers into his hair, and press your teeth into his pale skin.

The resulting rush of blood filing your mouth is intoxicating–by the sounds he makes, not just for you. The rush of pleasure across your tongue and in your loins is like nothing you’ve ever felt before, an exhilarating bliss that spreads warmth through every nerve across your skin.  

You’ve always thought of lovemaking as some kind of small miracle–a gift the laughing gods bestowed upon you poor mortals to make all the drudgery of life somehow bearable. A scientist might argue it is a trick of hormones and synapses played by nature, to encourage the endless march of procreation. You wonder what Constantine thinks about it, this man who so clearly believes in The Almighty God, but also seems to find the deity an insufferable asshat. 

A less than charitable philosopher might argue this beguiling euphoria is just the lure a vampire could use to secure a good meal–but like this, with this man–you cannot help but think it’s more. Whatever ancient magic that animates you, and maybe his own powers mingled too, it grants you this boon in what could be a life of infinite nights of lonely darkness, this undeniable connection with a special human whose lifeblood nourishes you. 

You are not even sure what to call the pinnacle of this pure shining ecstasy you share–orgasm seems too paltry a word. Pleasure, pale by comparison. John insists you are no creature of God, but you cannot help but reason that what you share together is nothing less than divine rapture.

The challenge is when to stop. 

For as long as you pull draught after draught of his delectable hot blood into your mouth, this bliss goes on and on. 

He starts to fade beneath you, his heart slowing. You could drain him dry like this, and maybe not care until the moment you realized he was dead in your arms. This is the thing that throws you back from your latchpoint upon his neck, woozy from the delight of it all, yet scared that you may have hurt him. 

He too seems drunk beneath you, looking up at you through hooded dark eyes. “Why’d you stop?” he asks dreamily. It’s the most vulnerable you’ve ever seen this man. You touch his cheek; you are not sure if the coolness of his skin is due to blood loss, or the fact that you feel almost feverish at the moment, riding the high of the blood magic you invoked with him. 

If you hurt him you are walking out into the sunlight, you promise yourself with panic. 

“I’m afraid I took too much,” you admit, wide-eyed. 

Of course, he scoffs at the very idea. “I’m fine. C’mere.” He pulls you down on top of him, to snuggle, you presume. The wonders of this evening do not cease. It is lovely, to curl up in his arms, your thighs slick with the excess of his seed. But as he dozes, you are wide awake, the world come even more alive around you. A potent meal, the magician makes. You feel as though you can sense the whole city in your head. The comings and goings of all the people, and all the creatures, and the planes and trains and cars. 

What a marvel, is this modern age. 

You sift through them all as an amusement, catching snatches of thoughts and bits of conversations, eavesdropping on their lives. 

You realize that you have never been able to read John Constantine’s thoughts. You wonder if it’s because of his psychic abilities–or just a result of his abnormally hard head. 

As you make this little psychic tour around the inhabitants of L.A.--something senses you back. You feel it push against your mind, holding you at arm’s length. Something old, and seething. For a flash you see it–him. Definitely a him, tall and forbiddingly handsome, bearded and raven haired. His eyes flash molten orange–right before he strikes you. It is only a psychic blow but you feel it like a fist between the eyes. It makes your physical body jolt in John’s arms. This stirs him from his bliss-induced coma; the demon-hunting magician blinks and looks up at you, taking in your wild-eyed look, your fangs bared to some invisible threat. 

“You ok, baby vamp?” he grumbles, not too happy to be disturbed from his deep rest.

“Fine,” you answer, unsure if it’s true. “I think I need to get you something to eat.”

“Not hungry,” he grouses, closing his eyes again. “Tired.” 

“Would you like to lay down in the actual bed?” you ask, thinking he will regret this hard pallet tomorrow. 

“No.” Now you can tell he’s just being stubborn. You would like to stay and cuddle with him, but you really are afraid he needs to eat and drink. Fluids and iron rich foods, is what you googled for after-care of donating blood, a while ago.

Funny, until now, you hadn’t had occasion to use the knowledge. 

You dress and pop out to the 24 hour market, obtaining red meat and dark leafy vegetables. When you return John has reclaimed his boxers and stretched his long body out on the couch, his big feet hanging off the end. It’s ridiculously endearing, to see him so relaxed in your space like this. 

When you are nearly done preparing his stir fry dinner, he finally rises to a sitting position, scrubbing at his face with his hands. 

It’s silly, how much it pleases you, when he wraps his arms around you from behind at the stove, his chin resting on your head.  “A vampire who cooks. This is one for the record books.”

“It’s not like I’ve forgotten how,” you fire back over your shoulder, amused. “It just…doesn’t really smell like food to me anymore.” The bloody bits of raw steak had seemed more appetizing than the ingredients in their current form.  

“Hmm. Smells good to me.” You thought he’d come round to food. “This does too though,” he teases, kissing your neck with a playfulness that leaves you dumbfounded. When he nibbles you can’t help but squirm, laughing out loud. 

“John!”

He must still be power drunk from earlier. He’d barely touched his glass of Scotch.

You feel his body shake with mirth behind you, more than hear it out loud. Then he stills against you, resting his chin on you again while you stir the meat and vegetables, the rice steaming on the back burner. You know it won’t last past tonight, but the scene is so damn near domestic it makes your heart ache. 

“What did I feel, earlier?” he asks. “Like, a gust of air in here. Did I dream it?”

You honestly aren’t sure how to answer that. It’s not that he wouldn’t believe you. You just…don’t have the language–and you don’t want to worry him. 

“I don’t know, I was half asleep,” you say, so smooth in your white lie, craning your neck back for a kiss. “Sit down. It’s your turn to eat.” 

As you bring John his plate of food your attention is drawn to the window, by what you’re not really sure. Nothing is there, you see nothing, you feel nothing present–and yet…you cannot shake the sensation that you are being watched. 

Almost as though to assure yourself, you reach out to brush an unruly dark lock of John’s hair behind his ear. He looks up at you with a lazy, almost boyish smile. It squeezes your heart. “Thanks.” You’re pretty sure he means for the food, but maybe…the rest too. 

You smile, and you know it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. He seems to sense something is up, but maybe he doesn’t want to wreck the moment yet either. He catches your hand, kissing the back of it, before picking up his fork and tucking in. 

Again, you look to the window, and the mean city beyond it, and wonder how many malevolent things out there could mean the two of you ill.  You don’t think you have too many enemies of your own yet–but in John’s case? 

The number could be infinite.

[cuubism]

Loooove the last post. Just imagining Dream doing an anti-magic STD laser for Hob's fun bits, only for five years later on an eclipse day and Hob to give Dream the gentlest of kisses only for his lover to explode into an eldritch horror because there was apparently dorment magic moon herpes that managed to escape notice and targets shapeshifters and only shapeshifters so Hob is just so confused as Dream is just over there becoming the physical embodiment of unknowable knowledge and everyone in The New Inn have passed out and Hob is just like Ah for fucks sake, not again before Dream pulls him into the Dreaming for a very fun impromptu weekend of monsterfucking since a certian Shaper of Forms can't hold down a consistant one. Finally Dream can isolate and eject the viral magic. It gets thrown into a black hole and now Hob is behind on grading but he knows that dating Dream comes with a whole lot of excitement, and he wouldn't change it for the world...though he does now go to a very awkward annual physical with an exhausted Johanna not-paid-enough-for-this-bullshit Constantine now to make sure that nothing else he's managed to pick up over his long life rears its ugly head.

LMAO I love Hob just being a time bomb of magical STDs, every time they have sex Dream is just taking his fucking life into his hands 😂 after the latest incident Dream is just like "my husband, you are a slut" and Hob's just like #no ragrets if you wanted to be exclusive you had 600 years to make it known, Dream. Hob may not have regrets but Dream does.

When Desire found out about it all they laughed until they fell apart into sweetheart candies, then went to find Hob just to shake his hand. "Safe sex is important Hobert, but if you wanted to get another STD there's one that's REALLY funny--" I'm imagining that supernatural STDs don't kill you they just do really weird things to you, like give you cat ears for a while, or make you float five inches off the ground. Or turn you green of course. The creation of many supernatural STDs was actually just PVP violence between jilted ex-lovers; they couldn't key each other's cars so instead they were like "virus be upon ye!" forgetting that viruses get spread to other people too. Oh well. A bunch of the other ones were a collab project between Desire and Despair. At least one was made by some anti-sex crazy guy that just really wanted to get his point across. The Kellogg of the supernatural community if you will.

Later on Hob's like "should I be a good person and do safe sex advocacy among the magical-but-not-supernatural community?" but then he tries and it turns out literally every other magical or immortal human in the whole world already knew about this except Hob. They're like "you just starting sleeping with people without asking?" he's like "yeah? you guys became unkillable and DIDN'T use it for crazy sexcapades?"

I think it's simply inevitable that Johanna misses one, and Hob and Dream have another 'incident'...

[ficsbb]

Mirror

》 Pairing: John Wick x MascFem!Reader

》 Warnings: pet names like pretty girl and love

》 Word Count: 814

Note: This is for anon who had the prompt, "John Wick or John Constantine x tomboy or masculine!fem reader..." I'll be writing one for Constantine because I really want to expand on this, so we'll see! Thank you, and enjoy!

You look in the mirror, second guessing your clothes before heading out with John. As much as your confidence is high, especially with someone as wonderful as John by your side, you still wonder if it's enough on days like these. Should you wear the glamorous dresses? The shiny earrings that sparkle and glitter when they catch the light? Should you show off your body more in tight-fitting clothes? Would he like it better?

“Hey, love, the car is here.” You jump slightly, hoping he doesn't see it in your eyes, the overthinking and the worrying swimming in them.

“Uh- yes, yep,” you turn from the mirror and face him in the doorway, “I'm ready. Wait, you're not driving?” He smiles and walks toward you, lightly caressing your necklace when he reaches you. The warmth of his fingers is distracting, and suddenly, the room starts to feel much warmer than before. You stare at the veins on his hands and watch how they dance almost, putting you in a trance.

“Not tonight, no. I want to focus completely on you.” John lifts your chin so your eyes meet his. “Every moment of tonight is just for us. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.” You whisper, breathless.

“Good,” he smiles wide and backs up, seemingly taking you all in, “Exquisite. The slacks are tailored just right.” He winks at you, giddy, and a small bit of shyness creeps up on you.

“You really think so?” John cocks his head to the side, curious.

“You don't like it?”

“No- I- I love it, actually. I just-” You turn back to the mirror. “Is it too…masculine? Would you prefer something more feminine?”

You hear him take a deep breath as he presses himself behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle. It almost feels like your body takes a sigh of relief at the action.

“What I prefer, my love, is for you to feel comfortable and beautiful in whatever you decide to wear.” John's voice is low, deep, and the puffs of air from his mouth tickles the nape of your neck.

“Although I will say,” his fingers travel to the middle of your chest where the buttons of the blouse are open, revealing a thin three layered gold necklace, “the sight of you like this, does something to me. You look powerful. Do you see that?”

His hand slowly makes its way up to your neck, and it catches your attention. Every move he makes catches your attention fully. You lock eyes with him through the mirror and then catch your own right after. Your lips parted, chest slowly rising and falling with John's hand lightly caressing your pulse point.

“Do you see what I see?” He plants a kiss on your temple. "Do you?"

You nod. Even without makeup, you can see how he sees you. The both of you in this dimly lit room, looking at each other in the mirror. His suit matching yours and the gold band on his hand, glinting as he adjusts your necklace slightly. You take that hand and kiss the top of the ring. The metal is cold against your lips. Slowly starting to come back into yourself, you nod assuredly again.

“Come, let's go. I want to show you off tonight.” He twirls you around, and it makes a giggle bubble out of you. John kisses you in the middle of it, and it makes you laugh even more. He turns toward the door with your hand in his, leading you to the hall.

“Thank you, Mr. Wick.”

You watch him stop abruptly, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. For just a tiny second, you marvel at how broad his back looks in the dark navy suit he's wearing. The room is quiet, the sound of your heartbeat pounding in your ears as the tension between you thickens. John turns his head to the left, speckled beard almost shining with the golden glow of the room lights overhead.

“Say it again.” The warmth spreads inside you as quick as lightening strikes. You let go of his hand and wrap your arms around his middle this time, one hand reaching beneath his coat to feel the slow and steady beat of his heart. After a beat, they start to sync.

“Thank you, Mr. Wick.”

“Oh, pretty girl, maybe we should stay in tonight?” You press your face into his back, taking in his scent. It's grounding and intoxicating, and you swear you could stay like this forever. Your hand slowly makes its way to his stomach, then his belt buckle, and just before you can go any lower, you smile and pull back. His groan brings you satisfaction.

“I'll see you in the car, John.” You attempt to walk ahead, but his hand on the back of your neck is swift and steady and his voice rough,

“The driver can wait.”

♡♡♡♡

[satlun]

Lust: John Constantine x fem!reader

Genre: smut, nsfw Trigger Warnings: mentioning about religion (a bit idk if I should add it but yeah), swear words, slurs; sl**t, wh**re, unprotected sex, missionary, oral (f!receiving)

You need money and he is lonely.

Author's note: my first time writing performing exorcism guyss (if you know what I mean ><) loll it's quite hard when I have to write in English lol so if it sounds weird please please please don't laugh </3 plus the problem is idk what word I shouldn’t write on tumblr idk if tumblr allows or not allow which word so if it’s weird or I can use another word pls tell me I'm scared that I might be banned lol so in this one shot I use ** to censor a lot (as much as possible I don't wanna be banned! *scream* 😭 it might not sound so smooth so sorry in advance readers!)

Credits: Gif (right) Gif (left)

“You got a lighter?” A sound of woman interrupted John while he was drinking cough suppressant outside a supermarket. He has a cough a lot lately, it doesn't surprised him at all actually since he smokes 30 cigarettes a day since he was 15. “Yeah” He finds the lighter in his suit before giving it to you. You light the cigarette that is now between your lips up. “Thanks” before handing it back to him. The way he dresses up just makes you curious. It is Saturday night and this guy is wearing a suit, full set. “How was your job interview?” Who knows? Maybe there's a company around here has an interview on Saturday. “What?” He turns to face you with confusion in his eyes. Your eyes glance down at his clothes. “A suit... with black boots.” He followed your gaze. “I didn't have an interview.” And this guy wears a suit on a daily basis? That's interesting. He's kinda odd or maybe cool. “Good for you. Companies around here are sucks.” He raised his eyebrows. “I have been interviewed by companies around here for like 13 companies and still not get a job.” Maybe it's your fault. That's what he thought. “It's not my fault.” You just slapped him by words.

He sighs and gives you a goodbye look. “Good luck then.” He said with emotionless face. Does he even have emotions? John walks to the car park nearby where he parked his car earlier. Well, that was a short conversation actually. You think to yourself. “You live around here?!” You shout and run after him with a cigarette on your hand. “Maybe you can recommend me some companies? I really need money!” He still keeps crossing the road without looking at you. “I'm not an office worker.” Yeah definitely because his life doesn't fit it. “Well, then how do you live without any money?” He stops and turns to you. You're like a stalker for him now. “What do you want?” He asked firmly with annoyance in on his face. “A job? Money?” You feel so helpless honestly. You're an unemployed woman at 30. How embarrassing you are. No job means no money and no money means your life is going to be harder. “I can't recommend you that. I'm not an office worker.” Nice sentence to end the conversation. “Too bad.” You said. John continues to walk again. He doesn't even care really. Who even are you? A completely stranger. “You have a girlfriend or something?” What kind of question is this? And to be asked by a stranger? John is confused that he needs to turn his face and look at you. “What?” The way he keeps walking way from you makes me think about him in two ways. First, he has a girlfriend and he is loyal with her so much that he doesn't even talk with other women. Second, he hasn't had a girlfriend and out of touch with women because he looks scared of you? Actually, who wouldn't be scared when a stranger keeps messing with you. “You got a girlfriend?” He answers without any shame. “No” He said as he opened the car door. “Hey wait. Just asking.” He looks at you with emotionless face again. “A man like you shouldn't spend time alone on Saturday night, you know.” What's it about Saturday night? “What do you mean?” There's a car past you both at the moment so you need to shout. “It's a shame!” It was supposed to be a joke. “I don't care.” He gets in the car and closes the door. “Don't you feel lonely sometimes?-” You said before he shutting the door on you but then you don't stop knocking on the window so he just has to roll it down. You start to speak again. “Let's think about it, it's a rainy Saturday night means tomorrow is still a weekend. You have no girlfriend, I have no boyfriend and I also need money. You have a car and maybe you live around here. I can take your loneliness away for a night.” He is about to roll the window up again but you use your hand to stop it. “And you know what, rain can really make us feel lonely. I did a research on it yesterday.” Yeah you actually did a research on it yesterday. He doesn't seem to answer you so you speak again. “You're out of touch with women.” You underestimate him. “I'm not.” He frowned at you. That's rude actually. Out of touch with women? Oh my. “Yes you're. You look at me like I'm a demon and keep walking away from me.” You tossed your cigarette on the wet ground and stomped on it. “Because you're a stranger and the fact that I don't know you at all.” You nod at him and smile sarcastically before leaning on his car. “Sure. I’m [y/n]. 30 years old. Married twice. No children. Just moved here last week and unemployed. You know me now.” Well, you really get on his nerves. “That's not-” you interrupt him immediately. “What do you want to know more about me? I can cook. I can clean. Don't have many hobbies watching movies... baking... and I love writing but most of the time I'm lazy.” You add. “And you're my type.” Well, that quite impress him. Not the fact they he's your type but the fact that you don't even give up after he ghosted you many times earlier.

“You won't give up, will you?” Now you look at him like a puppy, waiting for food. It's start to rain again. John notices the rain that's pouring down on you. “As long as you don't tell me to fuck off.” John smirks and looks away. He hesitates for a moment. It's raining now and maybe it's not that bad to have a woman in his embrace tonight. He never had a girlfriend before but he isn't out of touch with women. He sometimes sleeps with the girls he meet at bars or restaurants around here. They come to his apartment time to time but that's only for one night. He hates commitment and attachment issues. And here you're a bad little girl, standing next to his car begging him to fuck her and give her some money which that's not even a problem for him. He might not have a big house but he can afford you that. “How much?” A big smile formed on your face. “Let's talk about that later.” He didn't say anything except unlock the door as an answer for you. You get in his car and now he drives you to his apartment.

You are standing right in front of his apartment door while he is unlocking the door for you. As he opens the door, you notice there's a spell on the frame of the door. That's kind of new thing for you meanwhile it is something that a guy like him would do. John takes off his black suit and his necktie since they're now soaked with rain. You slowly walk in and observe around. It's big but it's almost like an abandoned apartment. It doesn't matter actually, you just love to observe things because they can tell what kind of person he is. Just like handwriting. Your gaze stop on the many water gallons on the floor which have a christian cross on it. “Well, I wanna know more about your job now.” You look at him while he is washing his face in the bathroom. “An excorsist.” He walks out of the bathroom with soaked face and hair. “You can leave. Most girls do. They're scared.” He says calmly, you can tell that he actually experienced that a lot. An exorcist? Interesting. “But I'm not.” You walk towards him before unbuttoning your shirt, revealing your black lace underwear. “You know... I've never met a guy like you before.” John raises his eyebrows as he keeps his gaze on your face. You’re concentrating on it. “How?” Now you slowly slide your shirt down to the floor. “A spell on the door frame, gallons with chritain cross sign on them and the fact that I've never been fucked by an exorcist.” John’s lips form into a smirk as he looks all over your beautiful body. You notice him that. “Tell me your name. So I can moan the right one...” you start to unbuttoned his white shirt, revealing his toned body. He looks hot in white shirt that is the first thought of him but when there’s nothing on him is just like he puts a spell on you. You're captivated by him. “It's John.” He looks at you while you're busy sliding his shirt down. The curiosity comes across his mind when he thinks about how a woman like you got married twice. You look too good to marry many times actually. He can feel that you’re good at things on bed or stuff like that. “Why did you marry twice?” You raise your eyebrows and answer his question. You don’t mind answering personal to strangers since this is only one night. "The first one was son of a bitch and the second one moaned the wrong name. I divorced him in the next day." He chuckled with your answer. Your sense of humor is something. "Yeah?" It is probably the reason why you asked his name earlier. Even your ex husbands are sucks, he knows that you have a lot of experience about s**x. Of course, husbands and wives thing. "You must have a lot of experience. Don’t embarrass yourself, show me." His hands move to your neck, and over to your hair before he pulls your hair gently so he can see your face clearly. He presses his lips against yours before you interrupt him. "No... I choose to be an innocent today.”

You break the kiss and crawl on to his bed. You play hard to get. It’s more fun when you act like this. Not too essay to read. “Unfortunately, she is possessed by a sinful demon.” John smirks before hovering on top of you and kissing your neck. He nibbles your soft skin gently but sometimes he nibbles harder so you can feel the pain. He loves it. Not too gentle and not too hard. “What kind of sin that is inside you now, beautiful?” He asks as he slides down your trousers away, revealing your black lace underwear. Obviously, you matched it before you going out. How sl**tty you are. “Such a wh**e” he murmurs as he goes down between your legs and spread it. “So I can perform exorcism on you correctly.” His fingers trace down on your folds gently and press it time to time on the spot while he is talking with you. You look at him through your thighs. He does the same, you both gaze locks on each other. He looks… hot that you just want him to eat all over your body right now. You already ready to give up on anything and just give him your body. “Lust” not in a second after hearing your answer, he kisses on your folds through the lace underwear once before using one finger to pull your underwear aside without taking it off. His tongue on your folds feels like heaven. He licks it gently as you moan his name sweetly. He likes hearing John… John… from your mouth. So sweet and delicate. “Did your ex husbands did this to you, huh?” You can’t even form a sentence, sadly. You just keep calling his name. He is naughty you know. After a while, you almost c**m but he doesn’t let you. When he notices that you are about to c**m, he stops. You feel like you’re gonna die, you need more, more of him. Never enough.

John doesn’t let you wait for too long. He stands up before taking his trousers off, showing his d**ck. He crawls and gets on top of you afterwards. Your face is red and sweaty, you’re ready for it. John gives you a passionate kiss once again, biting your upper lip, sucking it until it’s full of his saliva. You groan softly when he kisses you. You don’t talk back you just stay still like a good little girl. “You can’t even say a word.” He said as he grabbed your chin and turn your face to his. “Should I stop again or finally fuck you now. What do you want?” He asks firmly because you look so submissive, quiet and submit. “F**ck me, John...” Your doe eyes tell everything. You want his d**ck so bad, you want to feel it inside you. You want him to fuck you until you can’t even moan. “Not enough. Beg me.” He demanded. “John… please… fuck me. Fill me.” Your hand grabs his big arm as you beg him. He slowly gets up and pull your legs, so your body can get closer to him. He put his d**ck inside you easily because you’re already wet. It’s so obvious that your black lace underwear becomes soaked and sticky. He doesn’t take your underwear off though, he loves when there are still clothes or something on your body, not too naked because it’s boring. “Fuck-” he groaned. His hip moves slow at first and slowly gets faster. He doesn’t want it to be so roughy. He loves it to be soft first and then hard later. “Oh- John…” your back arches like a cat while your hands finding something to squeeze. F**ck with an exorcist feeling like you go to heaven but on earth. “So tight.” He said. It’s like you’re still a v**rgin but the fact is that you have been f**cked by many strangers. You’re the exact definition of a sl**t. He moves faster than before, the sound of your skin being hit by his is so loud. However, that doesn’t seem to stop him, he doesn’t care if anybody is going to hear it. “Don’t pull out, John- fuck!” You moan loudly. “I am not gonna pull out. You’re so good. Fuck…” he doesn’t let go of your legs while his eyes are still on you for the whole time, the way your face starts to be sweaty and red makes him feel like he wants to f**ck you harder. And c**m inside you as well. Soon, your body starts to arch and shake a little while he fills you inside with his c**m. “Fuck-” He doesn’t take it off immediately, he just lets it stay like this for a moment while one of his hand places on your belly and presses it a little. So you could feel his d**ck inside you better. “I can feel it- fuck yes…” you muttered as you looked up at the ceiling. He leans on you and force your face to look at him. “I told you. I’m not out of touch with women. I know how to do with them.” You look at him with doe tearing eyes. It feels so good that you want to cry. You’re totally a good girl beneath him. Never talk back for the whole activity even now. “How much do you want?” You answer immediately as if you already thought about it. “22$” John raises his eyebrows because he thought you were going to ask more than that. “22$?” You nod as he grabs his wallet while his d**ick is still inside you, jiggling inside your p**ssy. He opens his wallet before counting it and then hand it to you. You starts to count. You notice that it's more than that. “28$ for being a good girl.” he leans to give you a kiss on your forehead before pulling it out of you. It’s still soaking. His c**m slowly flowing out of your pretty p**ssy. You slowly get up and kiss his lip while he’s dressing up. The money that he paid you earlier is now in your pocket. You are ready to leave, you don’t wash your p**ssy though. You just wear your underwear anyway because you love how sticky his c**m feels on your folds. It makes you feel good for hours later after this.

He watches you as you’re about to leave. You stop at his dining table and place a tiny paper on it. “What’s that?” “Call me when you feel lonely on a rainy night.” You give him a playful smirk and he does the same. John walks towards you and stands right in front of you closely. “Or crawl back to me when you need money.” He teases. You didn’t say anything just give him a goodbye look in your eyes. You left.

Tonight , rain doesn’t make him feel lonely anymore, I guess.

END

Author's note: I hope it's not cringe guys. That's all I want. 😭

© satlun, 2024 : DO NOT PLAGIARISM OR ANY OTHER WAY OF REPHRASING

[sparkletastic-cookiedough]

Link Library

Literally just a link collection of all my tumblr writing.

Favorite Posts

DPxDC: Danny Phantom fan Damian, best friends with Dash. (they hang out at an arcade, also BATNIPPLES)

DPxDC: John Constantine is Danny's comfort human

DPxDC Dick Grayson is investigating a travelling circus (my favorite prompt, but it's just a prompt)

DPxDC: Vlad masters is a lion? Completely centered around Zeke Morris, an OC.

DPxDC: Danny does his taxes.

DPxDC: Cardboard Danny AU

Danny Phantom: Jazz Fenton Gaslighting People (Short)

DPxDC: The Tangerine Pimpernel (Long)

DPxDC: Danny is applying for a grant with Wayne Enterprieses (The best dramatic irony)

DPXDC: Constantine taking care of baby Danny

DPxDC

Danny in a Maid Dress (RECENTLY UPDATED)

The Phantom Cafe (Short)

In Love With The Speed Force : Barry Allen is obsessed with a god. Also the Justice League gets high in this one.

Bartender Dan has a no bats policy.

The Justice League investigates Danny's box selling business. (Featuring the Bodacious Vibes detector)

The Titans discover Danny and Dani are different people

Danny has access to dead knowledge

The Fentons make arrows for Green Arrow (Short)

Trans Danny, mourned by Bio-sibling Damian

The one where Team Phantom destroys all conflict in the Batman universe

Dani is in Hally's Circus, Dick thought she died and now she's back

John Constantine "rescues" Danny from the ghost zone

Steph plans to prank Batman

Bodyguard Danny

Danny vs Plastic Man vs Nightwing: Who would win at Twister? (short)

Wes Weston gets ghost powers, Flash is concerned

Riddler kidnaps Danny, Batman has to answer a riddle to save him

Team Phantom produces a fictional movie on Amity Park

Danny is traumatized, the Batfam is traumatized, everyone is sad and traumatized. (short-ish, hurt/ comfort)

Danny can predict the future, thus Flash yells at god (again, more of a prompt than a full story, cause sometimes I only write the beginnings.)

Dani pranks the justice league

The DC universe is about to collapse, Danny has to herd them out. (Prompt, as I am addicted to beginning stories and never finishing them)

Danny's family reincarnates (yet another prompt.)

Tim has infinite spleens

Jason can see through the fourth wall, and is not down for this Phantom of the Opera nonsense.

The Bats investigate Jazz

Wes is investigated by Superman, Magical shenanigans occur.

Catwoman steals an artifact that has a ghost in it.

Danny putting on his own Brucie Wayne act as Bruce's secretary

Jazz as Damian's Babysitter

Zatanna interacting with a Liminal Gotham

Danny is Batman's Clone (Dramatic Irony, my beloved)

John Constantine accidentally adopts Danny

Jason is dating Jazz, gets Tim and Danny to meet (mostly just Jason and Tim fluff)

Dash Baxter, Metropolis Cop (short)

Queer Platonic Relationship Fluff with Tim and Danny (features a prompty cliffhanger that goes absolutely nowhere)

Danny runs over Kori with a car (featuring yet another cliffhanger prompt ending that goes nowhere)

Clone Adoption Agency

Tim gets his spleen back from Cujo

Danny runs a daycare in Gotham

Maddie is Jim Gordon's Sister (short as heck and not great, but it's the first one I wrote, so it's special to me)

Batman Crossovers (No Danny Phantom edition)

Batman and the Muppets

Miraculous Ladybug: Marinette in Gotham (Fic itself is short, use of ai by another user in the beginning, more of a prompt than a post)

Batman x Game Changer: Robins do Robin trivia

Batman x BNHA: Batgirl gets isekaied into BNHA universe (Like the first chapter of a hypothetically longer fic)

Just Batman (and other DC characters)

Superbat Ship: featuring Batfam Fluff.

Jason can see through the fourth wall (short, more of a prompt than a post, and a continuation of the AU from an above DPxDC post.

Batfam tries to steal the watchtower (based on art!!!)

Matchmaker Tim Drake (again, more of a prompt)

Neurodivergent Batfam Moments

Hero Swap (Based on ART!!!)

Bruce Wayne time travels (short)

Bruce wearing his kids merch (short)

Clark Kent covering Bruce Wayne's drama

Superbat ship stuff (Short)

Percy Jackson

Percy Jackson & Harry Potter Crossover: Percy Jackson Vs Potions Class

Percy Jackson Gods react to Hadestown (Short)

Percy Jackson and Danny Phantom Crossover: Nico wants the Ghost King as his twitch username, but it's taken.

Other Fandoms

Gravity Falls: Levity Rises - the portal incident.

Just Danny Phantom: Jazz dealing with trauma (a bit of a character study, based on art)

Danny Phantom x BNHA crossover: Jazz and Nedzu meet.

BNHA: All Might and All for One completing to be the best dad. (Plot outline.)

BNHA: Izuku becomes a cult leader. (Plot outline)

[zapiarty]

Sandman - Dead Boy Detective

1389 - Dream & Death meet Hob Gadling; who refuses to die 1489 - Dream & Hob form their Arrangement 1589 - Hob brags about how good he's got it, with a wife, a son, riches and a knighthood. Dream decides to leave early upon meeting William Shaxberd 1689 - Dream waits for Hob's arrival, who is at his lowest point in his life thus far, Dream expects Hob to ask for death now and is surprised when Hob laughs in his face and says "Death is a mug's game, I've got so much to live for!" 1789 - Dream warns Hob against getting involved with the Slave Trade, Lady Johanna Constantine interrupts their meeting, Hob comes to Dream's rescue briefly which amuses him 1889 - Hob wants to learn things about Dream, dares to suggest he's lonely and that they are friends, Dream storms off in a huff declaring he doesn't need Hob's company

1916 - Edwin Payne dies via ritual sacrifice to Hell by classmates at 16 - The Corinthian begins his mayhem in the Waking World - Dream of the Endless is captured & imprisoned by Roderick Burgess 1917 - Sleeping Sickness officially acknowledged - Unity Kincaid remains asleep

1926 - Ethel Cripps becomes Roderick Burgess' mistress - Roderick has his son Alex kill Jessamy the Raven - Ethel gets pregnant, steals the helm, sand, and ruby and flees - Roderick dies, Alex decides not to free Dream like he'd promised 1927? - Ethel Cripps gives birth to John D

? - Ethel bargains away the helm to a demon, sells the sand

1989 - Edwin Payne escapes Hell - Hob Gadling waits for His Stranger but he does not arrive (As Dream is still held captive in the Burgess' Estate) - Charles Rowland is murdered by classmates via hypothermia & internal bleeding at 16 in December of '89 - Edwin is there for Charles to ease his death; Charles decides to stay with Edwin instead of going with Death - Some point Edwin & Charles form the Dead Boy Detectives

1994 - Infamous Puppy Debacle (Charles got too attached to a living puppy?)

March 22, 1994 - Devlin Murders occur in Port Townsend, Washington

1997 - Great Fenwick Pixie Escape (puts Edwin at a loss)

2006 - Great Chewing Gum Debacle (stressor for Edwin?)

2015 - Rose Walker & her little brother Jed are split when Rose and their mother Miranda move but her father refuses to let Jed leave with them

2020 - Lyta's husband Hector dies via a car accident, Rose's ill mother dies near the end of the year

2021 - Dream/Morpheus is released & searches for his tools to rebuild the Dreaming - Unity Kincaid wakes the moment Dream is released - Johanna Constantine purchases the sand but left it at a girlfriend's place when she left her 6 months prior (resulting in her death via the sand) - Dream faces Lucifer in Challenge for his helm; wins & humiliates Lucifer - John D uses the Ruby to nearly destroy the world in an attempt to make a better one; causing mass destruction and death, destroys the ruby in an attempt to destroy Dream and replace him but this only returns the stored power to Dream in full

8 Months later: - Death & Dream have a talk, Desire & Despair plot to knock Dream's ego down as Desire's previous attempts failed (Nada, Roderick Burgess); focus turns to Rose Walker (Desire's Great-Granddaughter) - Dream reconnects with Hob at The New Inn; 30 years late but acknowledging their friendship - Rose Walker is the Vortex and looking for her brother Jed who dreams of being The Sandman (thanks to Gault) - Unity Kincaid asks Rose to meet her in London to reveal she's her Great-Grandmother (the Great-Grandfather being her Gold Eyed Man aka Desire) - The Corinthian attempts to use her to create a New Dreaming - Lyta Hall gets pregnant from her ghost husband in the Dreaming; Dream banishes the ghost from his realm as Ghosts shouldn't be there - Morpheus collects all his lost Dreams & Nightmares; returns the Corinthian to his base form - Dream of a Thousand Cats - Calliope's most recent "owner" slips up and she is able to send a message to Morpheus who comes to free her (by driving the man who binds her insane with ideas)

Late 2022 - Crystal Palace & David the Demon enter into a relationship

2023 - Edwin & Charles take on the Case of Crystal Palace on behest of Emma the Ghost

- Becky Aspen case in Port Townsend, WA; meet Esther the Witch, get trapped in Port Townsend by the Cat King - Niko Sasaki & the Dandelion Sprites Case - February 17; The Devlin House Case (Charles' history brought up, meet Monty) - Case of the Lighthouse Leapers (Charles & Crystal kiss, Night Nurse fed to Sea Monster, Cat King taunts Edwin with Monty & Charles' likeness in an attempt to get a kiss) - Case of the Two Dead Dragons (Edwin realizes he's truly in love with Charles as he comforts Charles after a breakdown, Monty steals Edwin's first kiss thinking Edwin was talking about him) - Case of the Creeping Forest (Monty's betrayal, Crystal's Awakening) - Case of the Very Long Stairway; Edwin gets taken back to Hell & Charles goes after him, Edwin confesses he's in love with Charles - Edwin meets Despair and she decides they are "friends" now - Case of the Hungry Snake; Niko dies (?) saving Crystal from Esther Finch in an attempt to rescue Edwin & Charles - The Lost & Found Department of the Afterlife "officially" allows the Dead Boy Detectives to work cases to help them help ghosts cross over in exchange for allowing them to stay together on Earth

[stari-hun]

Introduction | No Storm:Time Traveler AU

No Storm:Time Traveler AU, an Inaccurately Named Modern AU

+ Introduction + some general world-building

An inaccurately named time traveler AU. This au is for a modern au without the storm, so how can Vertin meet people from other eras? Uh…. she.. has time traveling arcanum… Yeah, that works. Not much changes in the world building of this AU besides the grief around the Storm. Instead of the Storm taking her classmates as a child, their group went out into the rain and hid under George the Oak to talk about the world outside the Foundation. When the rain started all of them used their arcanum to light their way back to the building, Vertin wasn’t able to control her arcanum, and after trying again and again she activated her arcanum and was sent back in time to 1966 where she pulled Regulus back to her time.

☆ The general conflict of the game follows Vertin as she tries to grow her arcanum to help the people she summoned go back to their original time. The Suitcase is a token from Vertin’s mother in Constantine’s care when she left Vertin with her. The oak tree incident is when Vertin brought back 12 year old Regulus. So Madam Z gave the suitcase to Vertin in order to give her shelter when she was away from the Foundation facilities of the past or unable to convince them of her arcanum. Constantine gave her the assignment to record the lost stories of the people in the past while she learned to control her arcanum, but Vertin quickly found that trying to bring humans back to her time would result in them dissolving before returning their original time without any memories of Vertin regardless of the amount of time they spent together. By the time Vertin turns 16, she’s learned to control her arcanum enough to only go back in time when she wants, but she has no control on where or when she lands.

The Suitcase

The Suitcase is a shelter for Vertin, but also an anchor for people living outside of their original time as too much time experiencing the comic horror of time travel wears on the soul and spirit. The waters around the summoning wheel in the Suitcase don’t dissolve people like the Storm, but it does throw anyone who isn’t from the current time to a random place within the Suitcase (which aren’t always safe).

The SPDM and the Guidance Program

Children with the Foundation go to the SPDM still, but there’s an after school program called the Guidance Program that’s aimed to teach them about the “light of truth”. The Guidance Program is similar to a cram school in the way it goes over the curriculum more heavily alongside prepping them to go into Laplace or the Foundation’s ranks.

୨୧ The children in the Guidance Program are Sonetto, Mesmer Jr, Medicine Pocket, X, and Vertin.

Matilda has the highest grades behind Sonetto and spends her breaks going on missions to grow her arcanum, but despite this isn’t in the program at the request of her parents. She doesn’t know that fact however.

୨୧ Some graduates of the progam are Horropedia and Tooth Fairy.

Lucy has also gone through the program for a few months on an expedited course when she first joined Laplace in order to gain the experience.

The Foundation/SPDM/Laplace Grounds

Without the Storm, Constantine remodeled the Foundation grounds shortly after 1999. She did this in order to add more facilities to accommodate more cars as field agents and staff began using them more. The Foundation, SPDM, and Laplace are still all on the same grounds, but the Foundation and SPDM have more space between them now. The grounds looks closer to college grounds now with the school, main administration building, and Laplace's grounds.

[morethanonepage]

Constantine (2014) watchers:

explanations below

"Non Est Asylum"/the Pilot - john's pov goes all slow mo when chas gets out of the cab the first time; it's implied that they go grocery shopping together off screen; john compliments chas' "famous" rack of lamb AND chas laughs at the dumbest john joke; chas goes to pick him up from a bar at the end like the most long-suffering boyfriend ever

"The Devil's Vinyl" - “All right, Daddy.”

"Danse Vaudou" - i feel like not enough people remember this but there's this really quick bit where john and chas are discussing previous/established ~schemes~ they could use to get information out of the police officers at the site of the accident (right before zed goes off and solves the problem way faster). anyway it's a nice friendship moment at the very least/speaks to them having been around together a long time

"Rage of Caliban" - the sword of night conversation. the butt slap chas has literally no reaction to but the sound editor made SURE we heard connect. john looking SO concerned when chas gets like, his knees pinned between two cars. (like ok john i'm sure that HURT but you literally KNOW he can't be killed and also. that's relatively SO minor.)

"Quid Pro Quo" - i mean beyond the literal queerbaiting we got from the creator before hand ("john's going to kiss a man in this episode!") will we ever really recover from the fact that john drunkenly put an arthurian spell that had literally never worked before, on chas, and it turns out the only reason it DID work on chas is bc he was like....objectively a "greater knight" than the other 47 people who died in the fire around him? what does that even MEAN?

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hi, What do you think about the cheating rumors? I stopped watching royals 4 years ago, and I am shocked! What has happened? WTF is Rose back? Is Will stupid enough to get rid of her?

What happened recently? So much happened, anon. Let's see if I can give you the TL;DR.

January 16: Kensington Palace announced that Kate was having planned surgery on her abdomen and wouldn't be making any public appearances or sharing further details.

January 29: Kensington Palace announced that Kate had returned home from the hospital. People were upset there was no "proof of life" photo of Kate.

February 9: The Waleses go to Sandringham/Anmer Hall for the kids' half-term break. There are two sets of gossip from royal reporters. Gossip #1 - Kate is well and healthy and with the family. Gossip #2 - Kate's situation is worse than we're told and it's dire.

February 27, in the morning: William pulls out of attending King Constantine's memorial service of thanksgiving. KP says it has nothing to do with Kate but it's later confirmed that it wasn't true, that William pulled out because of Kate's diagnosis.

February 27, in the evening: Sussex Squad makes conspiracy theories about Kate go mainstream and viral on Twitter/social media. I won't rehash them all here but the rumors get dark and blame William and bring back the original Rose affair rumors.

March 4: Kate and Carole papped in a car around Windsor near the kids' school. Kate doesn't look like Kate, jumpstarting conspiracy theories again.

March 10: UK Mother's Day. The Waleses publish a photo of Kate and the kids taken by William. Sussex Squad goes after the photo for having been edited. Getty, and other agencies, kill the photo. It blows up into a huge thing. Celebrities pile on with their own jokes and memes about editing their photos, including Blake Lively and Kim Kardashian.

March 11: Kate issues a statement taking responsibility for editing the photo and apologizing for it. William and Kate are papped in a car leaving Windsor Castle.

March 12: Stephen Colbert jokes about the Rose affair rumor on his show.

March 16: Kate is papped with William at the grocery store. People claim it's her lookalike double because her hair is too hair and she's too skinny. (WTF, yes, I agree.)

March 22: Kensington Palace drops bombshell video statement by Kate that cancer had been found in whatever was removed during her operation in January and she was beginning a course of preventative chemotherapy. No further work or public engagements for Kate at this time. The celebrities that piled onto Kate during "March Madness" (the conspiracy theories and photo-editing weeks) get served humble pie and issue meek apologies that mean nothing.

April 23: Louis's birthday. As a consequence of the way the media flipped out over the Mother's Day photo, the Waleses publish the birthday photo (taken by Kate) exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it to media / photo agencies.

April 29: The Waleses publish an old new-to-us photo from their wedding for their anniversary on their social media.

May 2: Charlotte's birthday. Same deal with Louis - Kate takes the photo, they publish exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it in advance to the photo agencies / media.

May 12: Camilla is papped at the Badminton Horse Show talking to Rose Hanbury. No one cares.

May 14: Sussex Squad finds the photos of Camilla and Rose from the weekend and bring back the affair rumors. They claim that Kate is dead and the BRF is soft-launching William's mistress as his new girlfriend/future wife.

May 15: Charles and Camilla attend the OBE dedication at St. Paul's Cathedral. So do the Cholmondeleys but because they're not photographed with Charles or Camilla, no one notices they're there and no one cares they're there.

So that's what happened. That's where we are today.

How did the affair rumors start?

Discussion about whether the affair rumors are mainstream and how damaging they could be to William and Kate's reputation

Commentary about Rose

[valiantstarlights]

[Wedding Planner AU] Part 3: Wedding Dress

Part 2: On the Restaurant's Balcony Area

I would like to thank @seiya-starsniper for reminding me about this AU, and making me realize that I had not, in fact, posted this chapter yet. 🙇‍♀️ It has literally been sitting (90% completed) in my labyrinth of notes since June 25. 😂

CW: just the usual 28 angsty stab wounds 😊

Being inside the Endless mansion is like being in a tomb.

Not that Hob has been to any tombs, since that would require a fuckton of money as well as the absence of common sense, but the air inside was noticeably heavier. No doubt the tangible weight of generations' worth of expectations and disappointments.

He remembers Dream not wanting to go back home for the holidays. How he took his sweet time packing, and even then he only packed light: a toothbrush bought from the convenience store near the dorms, a bottle of black nail polish, and snack sized chocolate bars enough to last him a month. He didn't take any of Hob's clothing with him, even though he wore them almost exclusively during the school year. He claimed that it was because they might get taken from him, but Hob suspected that it was because Dream had been ashamed of him.

Their eventual break up had proven him right.

"Mr. Gadling!"

Hob turns towards the pool area and spots Ms. Muse, wearing a bright yellow sundress and looking positively radiant. Meanwhile, Hob is a frazzled mess, having come straight from Constantine's main office all the way across London, making nonstop calls to catering companies in his car about the billion and one hors d'oeuvres Mrs. Muse and Mrs. Endless wanted.

"Ms. Muse," he greets amiably, and notices the distinct lack of her groom-to-be, as well as their overbearing mothers. "Is everyone else running late?"

"Oh, no," Ms. Muse says, and gestures to the comfortably padded wicker chair beside her. It seems that this meeting will be taking place in a less formal setting. Hob wonders if it is for his benefit or hers. Does he look as sleep-deprived as he felt? "Mother and Mrs. Endless are attending a soiree in Berlin, and Dream is working inside." She points to the side, where a dark figure is seated behind a desk, typing on his laptop, face set in concentration and earplugs in.

Hob remembers that face well. Dream is deep in 'the zone,' as they called it, back in the day. Hob remembers bringing him tea once in the early days, only to find it cold and untouched, and Dream apologetic afterwards. He had insisted on drinking the cold tea, but Hob took pity on him and drank the tea himself. After that incident, he would only make tea for Dream when he surfaces from his 'zone,' and it's a system that worked for them.

He wonders if Ms. Muse knows that, then mentally slaps himself. Of course she does. She's Dream's goddamn fiancee.

And more to the point, she would know Dream better than him, being in the same social class. They probably attended the same rich people parties all the time since they were kids.

Hob should just get this over with and leave. He still has more than three dozen calls he has to make before the end of the day, and an appearance to make at one of the junior wedding planners' small wedding receptions, to make sure that everything goes well, and to serve as back-up in case something goes wrong.

It's barely midday and he's already so fucking tired.

He takes out a stack of bridal magazines, since Ms. Muse expressed in her email that she prefers to flip through magazines rather than browse pinterest boards. Hob went the extra mile and got a couple of good vintage issues as well, in case she prefers the style of older gowns.

"Here," he says, and slides the stack towards the middle of the glass-topped wicker table between them. "Please feel free to browse and point out anything you like, even if it's just a color palette from a certain gown, the style of the lace, or the hairstyle of the model. We'll narrow down your choices later, and I will write and note down all your preferences. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me."

Ms. Muse dimples at him and excitedly flips through the topmost magazine on the stack. "Thank you for doing this, Mr. Gadling," she says. "I know it's not easy, what with our mothers' extravagant ideas, but you still manage to do everything so well and so professionally. I'm glad you're our wedding planner."

"Of course," Hob says, returning her smile, but doesn't say anything more. Lord knows what would happen if he were to speak his mind and tell her that all he's thinking about lately is foisting off the Muse-Endless wedding to someone else, preferably to someone who doesn't have a romantic history with the groom-to-be.

--

Hob notices that Ms. Muse is different when her mother and Mrs. Endless are not around. She looks more at ease, and instead of holding herself up so rigidly, she was slouching a little, one elbow on the table and one leg tucked neatly underneath the other.

She has told Hob that she definitely wants to have a simple, Grecian style gown made with light fabrics, and maybe a short train. She wonders if she could have a wedding gown that ombres from white to a dark orange at the bottom, while her bridesmaids (Dream's sisters and her own), could wear sunset-colored gowns to a style of their choosing that would fit their body type well.

"Delirium would definitely want to wear something like this, but have it ombre from a dark pink at the top to white at the bottom," she says, pointing to a Cinderella-style gown.

"Is Ms. Delirium Endless your maid of honor?" Hob asks as he notes down the page where the Cinderella gown is located, as well as the title and the issue number of the magazine where Ms. Muse found it.

Ms. Muse nods absently, waiting for Hob to finish his notes before flipping the page. "We have been friends since we were toddlers. I remember getting into so much trouble when she dared me to dye my hair bright green."

Hob chuckles. "I'm sure you looked like a very beautiful forest nymph."

"That's certainly one way of looking at it," Ms. Muse says, smiling. "But now I hope to repay the favor by making Deli look like a very beautiful radish."

Hob hums and reviews his previous notes. "Seeing as all the gowns of the wedding party are to be sunset-themed, I'm sure your mothers wouldn't take issue with it, if that's something that you're worried about."

Ms. Muse sighs happily. "I'm so glad we see eye to eye, Mr. Gadling. Oh, but please don't tell anyone about the secret meaning of Deli's dress!"

Hob smiles at her, this beautiful woman with a sunny personality. No wonder Dream fell hard for her. "Your secret is safe with me, Ms. Muse."

--

They talk about colors and fabrics some more, as well as the style of wedding veil that would pair well with her wedding gown. Ms. Muse, Hob is coming to find, is a very reasonable woman, very much unlike her own mother.

He just knows that she will be a good wife to Dream.

Hob had just finished answering her question about the feasibility of long wedding veils at a beach wedding and how detailed their embroideries can be, when Dream comes out from his office space and walks up towards them.

"Dream!" Ms. Muse says cheerily. "Are you going to be joining us after all?"

Hob makes sure the lines of his body are relaxed as he writes some more detailed notes, so he has the excuse of not looking up and greeting Ms. Muse's groom-to-be.

"No," Dream says. "I'm just taking a short break to get some tea. I still have emails to reply to and a meeting to oversee."

Ms. Muse nods understandingly. They really are a good match. Were it Hob in her place, he would have pestered Dream to eat something as well, and maybe rest his eyes and mind and hands for at least ten minutes. He would have asked Dream to lie down on his lap and stroke his hair until he falls asleep, then wake him up with kisses once his low-volume alarm beeps.

No wonder Dream got tired of him.

"That's too bad," Ms. Muse says. "But no worries! I'm having fun looking through the bridal magazines Mr. Gadling brought. Maybe we could even decide on what flowers to put in the wedding bouquet today."

"Sounds wonderful," Dream says, and he does sound like he means it. Hob wishes he could excuse himself without drawing any attention. He's sure Dream wouldn't even notice or care if he disappeared, but it would be rude to Ms. Muse if he just left.

Maybe he should just leave anyway so the bride and groom could have some time for themselves. Let them unwind for a bit and openly show each other affection without an unwanted audience.

"It is," Ms. Muse says brightly. "I was nervous because the task seemed daunting, but Mr. Gadling has been super helpful. He really knows his stuff, and he listens well and is very kind."

A pause. "He is," Dream says, and there's something in his voice that sounds unsure and vulnerable and maybe even a little hopeful. Hob quickly squashes that treacherous thought. Dream is about to get married. He would do well to remember that.

"Oh, hold on," Ms. Muse says, standing up. "Let me ring someone for tea. We could all use some, anyway."

She walks away, her yellow sundress waving like a flag behind her.

Hob does not have to look at Dream to know that he is staring after her.

Hob says nothing. He has nothing to say. Not now, when he is just the help.

"Thank you for assisting Calliope," Dream tells him, when Ms. Muse has disappeared from view.

"Of course, sir," Hob tells his notes, his tone bland and professional. "It's what I'm here for, you know. Gotta be helpful somehow or I'm gonna get fired."

The last part comes out bitter, and Hob doesn't know why he thought to say that. He should have just stopped talking after the first sentence and left Dream to navigate the awkward silence alone.

"Our mothers wouldn't dare to fire you," Dream says quietly. Gently. Hob grits his teeth as subtly as he could. "You are the best in your field. They would be hard-pressed to find someone better."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Mr. Endless," Hob says airily, and this time he looks straight at Dream when he says it. Dream looks taken aback when their eyes meet. Hob wonders if he could see the pain of the last ten, fifteen years in Hob's eyes. Hob hopes he does. Hob hopes he feels every last fucking glass shard buried in Hob's heart, still bleeding to this day. "I'm sure they would immediately find someone better to replace me with."

Dream looks like Hob just slapped him.

For a moment, there is pure devastation on his beautiful face. Lips slightly parted as if feeling the need to explain, eyes wide and wet, brows furrowed in hurt.

Hob has never seen him look like this before. They had never argued badly enough in the past to the point where Dream would be brought to tears.

Hob almost stands. Almost reaches for Dream to hold him in his arms, and allow him to hide his face against his neck while Hob pets his hair softly and soothingly, shushing him and murmuring against his ear that he doesn't mean it. That he's just hurt. That the last thing he wants is to hurt Dream.

But before Hob could do anything, decide whether or not to comfort the lost love of his life, Dream's mask reforms, and between one blink and the next, he is once again the picture of neutrality. "As you say, Mr. Gadling."

Hob opens his mouth. To apologize, perhaps, or to ask Dream how long it took him to move on.

'How long before you and Ms. Muse got together after we broke up?'

'How long before I'm only just another bad memory from the past?'

'How long did you really love me?'

'Were you actually in love with me, or was I just another way for you to rebel against your parents?'

He closes his mouth and says nothing. And for a few moments, he and Dream just looked at each other, Hob cataloguing all the ways Dream is still the same, wondering if he could have maybe done something differently that would have made Dream stay with him. Or maybe their relationship has always been destined to fail. They come from different backgrounds, after all, and Hob should have known to listen to fairytales.

Princes do not end up with paupers. They end up with beautiful princesses and live their lives happily ever after.

The only indicator of Dream's tumultuous thoughts is him raising his hand and almost unconsciously fidgeting with the ruby pendant of his necklace.

As soon as Hob's eyes drop to it, though, Dream stops entirely and places his hands on his sides, like nothing happened.

They were startled out of their silent staring when the door to the side opens, and Ms. Muse comes out like she brought the sun with her, as well as a fancy metal tea tray with three cups and a kettle that would not be out of place in 18th century Versailles.

"Mrs. Jones would be by in a bit with afternoon tea snacks," Ms. Muse says, just as Hob rises from his seat to take her burden from her. "Oh, thank you, Mr. Gadling. See how kind he is, Dream?"

"I have to return to my work," Dream says, and plucks the black teacup and its accompanying saucer right out of the tray that Hob is still holding.

Like Hob is just another goddamn servant employed by the Endless.

Then again, Hob thinks sardonically, that's exactly what he is, isn't he?

It's actually so nice to finally see that this is how Dream really sees him. Now Hob won't have to guess just what he is to him. What he always was.

Ms. Muse shrugs. "Sure. But don't work too hard, okay? Death will have my head if she finds out you're not taking proper breaks."

Dream visibly softens at the mention of his favorite sister. "Of course. I will see you later, Calliope." A colder glance at Hob. "Mr. Gadling."

Hob fights the urge not to bow mockingly. He settles for his default professional mode. Dream has just shown him where his proper place is, and Hob would do well to stay in it. "Mr. Endless."

Without another word, or indeed, another glance at Hob, Dream turns and walks away.

[gabessquishytum]

Oh teacher hob who’s a former sex worker is brilliant. Having three former clients who know exactly what he used to do and are willing to blackmail him just so he can keep his job teaching their kids—wow.

After Dream, John Constantine and Cori gangbang hob in his classroom, it isn’t over.

During naptime, Cori shows up and pushes Hob into the bathroom. He fucks him over the sink while hob pleads with him (not that he struggles very much).

John shows up after all the kids have been picked up and orders Hob to get into his car and give him a blowjob in the front seat.

Dream demands Hob offer private tutoring at home for Orpheus. Only when Hob gets to Dream’s house Orpheus isn’t there. It turns out it’s Calliope’s week to have Orpheus stay with her.

Needless to say hob spends his weekend at Dream’s house doing whatever Dream asks of him, getting fucked until he’s drooling. OH and dream sends the photos to his co-conspirators. They think “private tutoring” is a great idea.

Meanwhile Hob is desperate to keep his job and desperate for a way out … and desperate for cock. He wanted this part of his life to be behind him. But he’s backed into a corner.

YES I have also been thinking many thoughts about this au. Here's the first edition of ex sex worker teacher Hob.

Perhaps the worst part for Hob is how easy it is for him to enjoy what's happening go him. As soon as he's kissed into submission or a finger is pushed into his greedy hole, he immediately forgets his protests and starts moaning. He'll still beg and plead, but that's just because he likes begging. Honestly there have been times when Cori has had him bent over his own desk, or John has pinned up against a wall in the playground, that he's actually forgotten that he's not still a whore. He loves teaching, he really does! But maybe there's a part of him that was just made to be used.

Dream is arguably his most demanding client (not that he's paying) these days, because he a) doesn't have a job and b) only has his kid half the time. So he'll just demand that Hob come over at all hours and satisfy his needs. Some weekends Hob will be rushing between Dream’s house, the sleezy club where John asks (tell) him to come to, and the creepy alleyway where Cori likes to fuck him. Poor Hob hardly has a moment to himself. Those spelling tests are NOT getting graded any time soon...

It probably won't be long before he's caught with his slutty arse spread and two cocks inside him (Dream and Cori love the dp him. John prefers to use his mouth). If Hob is lucky, he'll be able to persuade whoever catches him to join in, instead of reporting him.

Parents night is going to be interesting. Might as well call it parents glory hole at this point... because that's what Hob is, these days <3

[consistencydotcom]

Nobody cares about the Muppets humans and that is fair, so today i'm gonna step in and share my top ten Muppets human characters ranking, from best to not B best bc i'm bored (also i didnt watch muppets take manthatam so if theres a memorable human there let me know)

1. Tim curry pirate is one of my favorite muppets villains, he's funny, he's entertaining and his song is silly

2. Mary

I don't even need to explain, she's Mary

5. Lady Hollyday

All she does is sit around and eat up, don't need to elaborate

4. Nadya

She's a girlboss idc

5. Dominic

I normally count him as a duo whit Constantine, but he's entertaining and i like how he reveals against him for a partion of the movie

6. Jean Pierre

Not much to say but same as deal as Dominic, a duo whit Sam the Eagle and really entertaining

7. Max and Moog

Placing them together because they are more of an honorable mention before i go down the characters i don't like or don't stand out that much to me.

They are both funny and silly and nice additions to their respectives show/movie

8. Nora

I'm gonna get a ton of hate for this one, but she's a character that develops under time (just like her sister and Moog) since is a show and i get that, but in the first 4 episodes she's gets too much moments where she's kinda egocentric, she lies about her job that causes Janice to gets sick, refuses to talk over her sister, blames stuffs on other people, etc (also not her characters fault but she gets so much screentime sometimes, even thought the show is called muppets mayhem).

Over time and in the last 3 episodes of she show she gets better and she's a tolerable character. Don't get me wrong, i don't hate her, just saying she's still a character in development and over all a nice character

9. Doc Hopper

He's an insane sales man that wanted to exterminate Kermit and his friends, pulled a gun at him, called a mercenary, got a whole armed gang, and a Russian stereotype scientists just because Kermit didnt want to dance on his commercial; trully a madman. Not much to say outside of that thought and the follow that car joke

10. Richman (can't add an image sorry)

Only memorable thing abt him to me is his song and how deadly pushed him out a building.

11. LADY HOLLYDAYS BROTHER

I HATE HIM, I'M GLAD HE GOT HIS ASS BEATED, AND SHOULD HAVE NOT MADE PIGGY APOLOGIZE

I could talk about more humans but this is an already long post and theres no more characters i even remember so that all for now! Goodbye and i hope someone gets my love for Mary from muppets 2011 (also i hate JJ, i'm not adding him)