#Colonel Sassacre

[offkilterkeys]

And then approximately 8 days later he is shot dead by his infant son so sad.

[meraki-sunset]

Can we get more Sassacrace? Love that guy, he was a great prankster and a man willing to date and marry an alien woman that was twice his size. Amazing.

I know this is absolutely NOT how their relationship was and HIC was a damn monster in canon, but fuck it.

[garysprites]

some (not all) of the sprites from paradox space #50 "spritecon"

[best-transgender-character]

Worst Homestuck Character Competition

This competition is not about "least transgender", vote for your least favorite! Canon gender is not a factor, and please don't call these characters cis.

The top three characters will proceed to the next round (the semi-finals)!

[voidlace]

lol

[wormzspring]

Actual 5

[owly80]

comic about how colonel sassacre and condesce may have met hehehe I think they are neat

[drilstuck-2]

[gelarshiesprofruitboarder]

the bride and the ugly ass groom

[hic-daily]

Todays Her Imperious Condescension is:

Dan Nikki your Bobbies [feat. Her husband Sassacre]

art by me. I think about her and him together a lot.

[randomhomestucktournaments]

Homestuck character most likely to read Homestuck Round 1-8

[peniswizard69]

The Homestuck award for biggest snagging of a baddy goes to Colonel Sassacre, for marrying a ten ft tall black-and-fuschia alien with tyrannical ambition

[past-sz-fifteen-years-ago]

John's finally cracked open Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery, and well... it seems daunting!

Hell's bells, we are having a mighty sporting time of it! Hold fast my intrepid fellow prank-smiths! We've merely nicked the mahogany of our japing chests. If I may direct the incisive ogle of your beagle puss to the wriggling regency of rubber bugs, plastic parasites, squirming serpents, pliable pests, and every such order and phyla of creepy-crawlie! Land sakes alive, we are cooking with petrol now! (MSPA page 1969)

We have here an absurd parody of old-timey language that would certainly challenge the average modern 13 year old's attempts to interpret it. The Colonel himself is clearly based on famed American humorist Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain, judging by the illustration--

--and this excerpt from the text:

Do you have a bothersome aunt who never seems troubled to find ways with your sunny afternoons? A broad, splintery fence - a bucket of whitewash, perhaps? (MSPA page 1969)

This is a reference to the fence-whitewashing episode in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, which I'd already read by the time I was John's age, thanks to my father's commitment to the classics of American literature being nearly equal to Dad Egbert's passion for harlequins. Tom tricks his friends into doing the task his aunt had set for him and paying him for the privilege with marbles and other small items, including a dead rat on a string--a superb example of practical japery, I think you'll agree.

But wait--how can Colonel Sassacre be Mark Twain, when Mark Twain was mentioned just a few pages ago?

"The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." -Mark Twain You are almost certain Mark Twain said that. (MSPA page 1950)

Mark Twain did NOT say that--as @homestuckredo pointed out the other day, the quote is from Shakespeare's Timon of Athens. Nevertheless, Mark Twain evidently existed in the Homestuck universe. Was Colonel Sassacre another pen name, or perhaps a less successful contemporary of his? And what is his importance to the Egbert family, that John should treasure an obscure and old fashioned tome that also happens to have been involved in the death of his Nanna?

[thelegend2t]

I would like to remind you all that Colonel Sassacre's wife, The Condesce, is HUGE compared to him.

[best-transgender-character]

Worst Homestuck Character Competition

This competition is not about "least transgender", vote for your least favorite! Canon is not a factor, and please don't call these characters cis. The top three characters will proceed to the next round!

[homestuck-iconz]

at least one or two colonel sassacre transfem lesbian icons. please. im pretty sure our beloved meraki-sunset posted some sassacre content and i would love if u used some of that art maybe? please and thank you kisses hugs ect ect

this is for a fictive btw

here you are!!! TRANSFEM LESBIAN COLONEL SASSACRE ICONS!

art by @meraki-sunset