#Coffee on a Tuesday FF

[muniimyg]

22 | maybe

series m.list

note: hi 🥹 it’s been a while :o how are you guys? sorry this update took so long 🤡 i was on vacation and jus got home yesterday... trying to catch up with my personal life and resetting my room in time for school has been tiring! but ,, i’m back and will be updating again soon <3 here is the promised fluff and “angst” if you’re a CRYBABY 🫵 thank u for being so patient and wishing me a nice break ✨ i can’t wait for more of this story to unfold because as you know… we are near the end 🫣💓 ps: this ch is unedited 😤 i jus wanted to post it nd get it OUT so we can carry on gawd daYuMmm..

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “your universe” // please DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

taglist: @yukiehyukie @tarahardcore @bbsantc @jeonqkooks-main @whoa-jo @ellesalazar @exhibitachol @pamzn @floweryjeons @boraength @4ksj @joonsjuice @taegijns @avtrns @taegix94 @bloopkook @jihopesjoint @firesighgirl @vantxx95 @damn-u-min-yoongi @yoongukie-ff @hopeworldjimin @thisisaburnphone @pb-n-juju @xjiminsthighsx @miss-rainy-days @percyjacksonlovesannabethchase​ @whitefoxgirl​ @slutforheeseung​

No one ever talks about how difficult it is to unlearn feelings of rejection. 

To begin with, the entire concept is so ridiculous! it practically comes off as insincere, stupid, and careless. Yet, it’s so rare to experience. Usually, rejection is rejection. No means no. So how could it be shocking for you to be struggling right now? From being someone who was so familiar with rejection to now struggling to accept the love you deserve; it’s hard.

But Yoongi makes it easy. 

Ever since the talk between you two, he has shown over and over again that he heard you, he respects you, and most importantly he understands you. Every day, every handhold and tight hug was a step closer to loving again. Obviously easier said than done, you’re thankful that the time between you two makes things better. 

Time with him. 

With Yoongi, time seems to heal.

While you’re grateful for the effort and complete change in atmosphere between you and Yoongi, you know deep down that his actions would have meant nothing if he wasn’t constantly in motion investing his time with you. Texting you, calling when he can, showing up early, and leaving late… They all play such a huge part in convincing you that he cares. He’s here now and he’ll want you for as long as you’ll have him. 

To have him the way you do now… Well, it simply doesn’t feel real.

Every minute spent with him, every smile he dedicates to you, and every laugh shared in between—it creates a stronger bond between you two. As of now, time spent with Yoongi has evolved to be routine and you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Tuesday is your busiest and earliest day. 

It begins with an early 7:30AM class and a schedule packed with the class until 5:30PM, then you attend practicum and club meetings that run as late as 9:45PM. Apart from that, it’s also your laundry day and usually the time your favourite shows release new episodes.

It’s always just been like this. 

Yoongi, for some reason, has recently taken it upon himself to be a part of your busy Tuesdays. He knows how easily grumpy you become when you feel overwhelmed. You aren’t too sure exactly why, when, or how he began to show up outside of your 7:30AM lecture building with a cup of freshly brewed coffee; he just did. 

How could you complain? 

Even if his place is right in front of your lecture, waking up to meet with you for a few minutes is such an inconvenience and a waste of good sleep. The fact that he makes an effort to get up, brew you coffee, and sleepily meet with you… It makes your heart glow. 

It’s safe to say that the coffee he brings you does more than wake you up. It wakes your feelings up and serves as a constant reminder of his care. Sleepily, he would hold the cup of coffee above your head and pucker up his lips. Cheekily and sleepily, Yoongi is always ready to tease you. 

It’s funny because his eyes would be closed half of the time. Regardless, you would lean in and let his soft lips kiss your puffy morning cheeks. After he gives you a kiss and your coffee, he’ll hold the door open for you to head in. Waving him goodbye, Yoongi continues with his day and looks forward to catching up with you later. 

However, this Tuesday is different. 

Tuesday Morning Lecture: Class Cancellation. 

Good morning students! This email was meant to be sent last night but unfortunately was scheduled inaccurately. My apologies!

Notes will be provided for the module and extra time will be set aside next week for review and questions. 

Best regards!

You squeal. 

Your classes never get canceled! You also slept later than usual last night so this is truly a blessing. Pulling your covers above your head, you drift back to sleep and completely forget to text Yoongi about the change of plans.

As you continue sleeping, Yoongi drags himself out of bed. 

He gets himself ready and brews your coffee. Then, he heads out the door and stands outside in the cold spring air waiting for you. He waits.

And waits.

And waits even more. 

Yoongi waits until you’re officially late.

Yoongi waits until you don’t show up. 

A few days ago, you two talked about your feelings regarding his efforts. Everything since that talk has been going great! You two were communicating better and are even a little closer than before. Therefore, it confuses Yoongi as to why you aren’t here right now with no notice. He goes back home and sets your coffee on his kitchen counter. Taking out his phone, he doesn’t even bother to text you. 

He calls you right away.

Half awake, you pick up. 

“H-hello?”

Yoongi feels relieved you answered but can’t help but feel protective and entitled to your whereabouts. “Are you sick?”

“... W-what?”

“Are you mad at me?” Yoongi paces back and forth, feeling a little nervous. He runs back to his last few encounters with you and struggles to pinpoint where he could have fucked up. 

“Huh?”

“Are you avoiding me?”

Once you register it’s Yoongi’s voice and the worrisome tone attached to his words, you force yourself to sit up from your bed. Checking the time, you gasp as you connect the dots. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, aki… I fell asleep after I read my class cancelation notice and forgot to text you.”

Yoongi sighs.

“Okay.”

You groan. “Aki…”

“Mhmm?”

“I’m really sorry… I should’ve remembered. I was just so tired and it slipped my mind.” Feeling guilty, you can’t help but feel upset with yourself. Yoongi didn’t deserve this!

“Okay.”

“Don’t be mad,” you beg him. “Please..”

“I’m not mad. Who said I’m mad?” Yoongi huffs. His words are sharp and his tone feels so superficial. It’s like he’s just saying things for the sake of saying them and not because it’s what he truly feels.

In all honesty, he’s not mad.

Why should he be? He feels a little disappointed but that’s it. It’s just an innocent misunderstanding and it would be unfair to you if he blamed it all on you. It’s not that deep…

You sigh, taking his word for it. “I have the morning off.. Do you want to study?”

He bites his tongue. 

He doesn’t want to study. He wants to spend time with you for no reason even if you practically just stood him up. 

“I don’t want to study.” 

“That’s fair. Oh, wait! Never mind, don’t you have class in an hour or so? Just rest up until then. I’ll call you again when I’m more awake… Sorry, aki.”

Yoongi nods out of habit. 

He can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Seeing you all sleepy and cold, needy for his coffee and hugs… Well, it was something he looked forward to every morning. Despite all these arising feelings, he manages to mumble, “you better,” as a response. You laugh sweetly and thank him. 

“Have a good day, aki.” You sing sweetly.

“Ace?”

“Mhmm?”

Yoongi feels a lump in his throat form. He swallows it away and shyly reaches for reassurance. 

“Call me later?”

“I will, silly. Goodnight,” you promise. “Sorry again.”

“It’s okay,” he tells you. “... And good morning, ace. I miss you.”

“Good morning, aki,” you yawn before ending the call. “I miss you too.”

Yoongi bumps into you on his way out of his 2PM lecture. 

You’re laughing alongside some of the swimmers that tried to bid on you. He glares at the sight of them crowding over you and the way that Jungkook is standing on the sideline, shoving his face with a bag of cotton candy.

He approaches Jungkook first. 

“What the fuck is that?” Yoongi growls. 

With a mouth full of blue cotton candy, Jungkook smiles. “Swimmers gave me cotton candy for bringing ___ to our practice today.”

Yoongi hisses at Jungkook. “Thanks for trading our friendship for cotton candy.”

It’s not like he saw this coming. Jungkook is an easy guy to win over. Loyalty isn’t his strongest forum…

Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“As if she’d ever get over you. You can’t possibly be this insecure! Actually, I take that back. Let me see your abs right now so I can accurately measure how insecure you should be—”

Then, Jungkook reaches for the hem of Yoongi’s crewneck and tries to lift it up. Yoongi shoves the blue sugar-stained hands away and glares at Jungkook angrier than ever. Yoongi’s darting eyes make Jungkook feel uneasy. 

It totally ruins his happy vibe. 

“Geez… What crawled up your ass today?” Jungkook asks, disliking Yoongi’s attitude.

Yoongi has always been grumpy and shy but he has never been so moody and lost. It’s like he’s a puppy that just got kicked.. Jungkook feels bad for him.

Yoongi’s eyebrows knit together in confusion and ignores his friend’s question. He watches you nod politely at the swimmers. You look so pretty today. He should’ve seen you first—not them. 

“She has class until 5:30PM on Tuesdays.. What’s she doing here with you?”

“A few of the education department profs have a conference a few cities away. Her entire Tuesday and Wednesday classes are empty this week! Except for her 7:30AM one today but apparently that got canceled. Didn’t she tell you?” Jungkook asks Yoongi rather dumbfounded. “Stop looking at me like you want to kill me.. I’m not the one that’s flirting with your girlfriend—”

“I’ll kill you, you little brat—”

“Yoongi!” 

Your voice calling his name makes him gulp. He turns and sees you breaking through the crowd of swimmers and practically running to him. You giggle as you crash into him and greet him with a hug. 

He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tight. Yoongi wishes for this moment to last forever.

When you pull away, you smile at him brightly. “I was about to surprise and meet you at  your lecture but I bumped into Jungkook and he asked me to watch his practice—”

“Your classes are canceled until Wednesday?”

“Oh? Yeah. I mentioned it a few days ago,” you tell him. “... I think?”

“You think?”

“I let Jungkook know!” you defend, knowing he’ll be a little upset. Honestly, these past few days have been so hectic… It’s not surprising that this slipped your mind too. 

Yoongi pouts. “But you didn’t let me know.”

Your heart aches. You feel so bad.

“I’m sorry,” you hold his hand and squeeze them. “I should have left his practice earlier to catch up with you. I promised a friend a late lunch today so I’m going to meet up with her now.. I was just on my way. I’ll call you later though.”

“Promise?” 

“Promise.”

With that, Yoongi feels empty when you let go of his hand and wave goodbye. You walk in the opposite direction and soon enough, he’s left alone with Jungkook.

“___ looks pretty today,” Jungkook comments.

“I know,” Yoongi groans. He turns to see the other swimmers watching you walk away as well. He instantly feels annoyed. “I fucking hate this.”

Later that night, you forget to call. 

The day just went by so fast and by the time you get home, you knock out. It’s a little funny since you spent the morning sleeping in and now you’re asleep before 9PM. 

Yoongi stays awake until 2:30AM waiting for your call. 

He falls asleep feeling more and more anxious and annoyed.. It doesn’t last long though because he remembers how pretty you were as you ran to him this afternoon. How brightly you smiled and how tight you hugged him. It’s okay if you break a few promises… As long as were his… Everything should be okay.

And then it hits him. 

You aren’t his yet.

The next day, you wake up to a bunch of texts from Yoongi. All updating you about his day and random thoughts that had popped up. You find it touching how he’s truly trying to be more communicative and feel like a complete asshole for falling short since yesterday. 

Today, you hope to do better.

Today, you will do better. 

You begin today with calling him. He answers after the third ring. 

“Yoongi…”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “You forgot to call. You’re sorry. It’s okay. I’m not mad.”

You sigh and take a deep breath. “I liked your texts… They were really cute. Thanks for sending them.”

Yoongi can’t help but half-smile. He’s getting dressed for the day and your call surely made him feel relief from his overwhelming thoughts last night. 

“It’s whatever. You never replied by the way…”

“I’m on a call with you right now,” you snicker, finding his sulking attitude to be quite cute. “Wow, I never knew you were this needy! To think you come off as a bad boy? Crazy…”

Your realization hits you hard. He’s always been a softie deep down, of course, you knew that… But this… This is a whole other level. 

However, he ignores your comment and decides to prioritize his pride. Yes, he was needy and clingy when it comes to you… But if you already know, there’s no need to re-establish it. 

“I know you’re probably busy today too so I’ll let you go… And I only updated you because I know you’d like it.”

“Awh,” you whine at his goodbye. “Don’t go. Don’t sulk. Don’t act like you don’t miss me.”

“I do miss you,” he confesses. 

Your heart skips a beat.

“Where are you right now?” you ask him, recalling on your own that he should be free today. 

“Home.. But I’m probably going to head to the gym. Jungkook’s been commenting on my abs lately and now I’m starting to be a little self-conscious.” A forced laugh escapes Yoongi’s lips. “Anyways, bye. Have a good day. Don’t call me… Maybe you’ll remember to do things you’re not supposed to do.” 

In response, you gasp. “Stop it! Stay home. I’m coming over.”

“Why?”

“I miss you, duh.”

This time, Yoongi’s heart skips a beat. 

“That so?”

“Yes, it is so. Don’t leave, okay? I’m coming over,” you practically nag. “… And fuck Jungkook.”

“No thanks.”

“Oh, it’s you... What do you want?” he crosses his arms and leans against his door. Downplaying his excitement is the best solution he’s found for this interaction. His greeting is his way of masking his pain.

He feels like he hasn’t seen you in forever when the truth is; it’s only been a day or two. 

You roll your eyes and push past him, carrying a bag of groceries and your books. You set them on his kitchen island and begin to unpack. 

“I brought over some of my lesson plan prep for next week. I think my kids will love our upcoming themes! Like, my partner and I planned a Disney theme at first but she suggested we do something like—”

Your words are cut off by Yoongi resting his chin on your shoulders and wrapping his arms around you. Hugging you from behind, he takes in the scent of your just-washed hair and nuzzles into your neck. 

“Missed you.”

You like the way his body feels against yours. Heavy and comforting, you feel so safe and happy to be with him. You let him hold you and stay silent for a moment. 

“Are you upset with me? I really didn’t mean to be such a lousy friend—”

“Girlfriend.”

“What?” you laugh as he breaks away from you. 

He nods, holding your hands together and kissing them. With puppy eyes, he begs. “You need to make it up to me. Do you know how much sleep I’ve lost because of you? How sick to my stomach I’ve been without you? How neglected I’ve been feeling? Ugh, this is the least you can do.”

Yoongi never fails to amuse you. You lean back, playing along to his mood. “Oh my! How could I do such a thing to this sweet angel kitty face,” you tease, reaching for his cheeks and squishing them together. “How can I make it up to you?”

“Let me be your boyfriend,” he says through pucker lips. Your eyes widen and he takes your surprised reaction as a good sign. In a way, you look excited. It’s like he can feel your heart beating fast. 

Before he continues, he gives you a minute to compose yourself. Yoongi then tilts his head at you and pouts. “___, I’m asking and confessing to you for the second time. This is it. I want to be yours. I want to miscommunicate, get upset, makeup, and be happy with you.” 

Yoongi feels like every part of him is on fire. He’s so nervous and yet so foolishly confident. Time away from you made things so clear. He can’t do it! He can’t be away from you. He needs you. He wants you. He likes you so much… What else could he do but ask for you to his? 

“Maybe.”

His mouth drops. “Maybe?”

“It’s not a no,” you laugh, pushing away from him and continuing to unpack as if he didn’t just cash in his second try. As if… As if he didn’t just put his heart out on the line again. 

“It’s not exactly a yes either,” he counterpoints, shifting to face you. “___, be serious. What’s your answer?”

You look at him lovingly, knowing damn well that the answer isn’t what he wants to hear right now. You want to say yes. You want to give in so badly and just be happy together… But a part of you feels like it’s too early and too easy. Yoongi’s rejections made you go through so much and even if this isn’t about revenge—it’s a good lesson and journey to go through. 

At the end of the day, Min Yoongi has always been dreamy. 

To have him the way you do now… It’s a dream you don’t want to wake up from. So, you stay sleepy. 

You press snooze.

[bardic-tales]

I'm back. I'm going to get to all my mentions and the Tuesday Trivia reblogs shortly. Just got to make a cup of coffee.

As for content today, I would love to share some headcanons for Bianca, as well as her newly reworked likes, hobbies, and unique quirks. As I said before, her lore for FF 7 tends to change and gets an update whenever new material is released for Final Fantasy 7. I decided to give her personality an overhaul with the release of FF 7: Rebirth. With that, I needed to give her an overhaul with what she likes, etc.

Bianca has an obsession with Sephiroth, but deeper than that, she would have been diagnosis with Histrionic personality disorder. Her new preferences should reflect that.

How is everyone else?

[imsiriuslyreading]

WIP TAG ✨

thanks for the taggy tags bunnies :) @emjayeingray @amour-anguis @vellichorbindery @kaaaaaaarf

Rules: In a new post, post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

um okay im SCARED

Thousands of Good Deeds

April In Paris

You're On Your Own Kid

Rocket Man

Cold Coffee

Lucky Tuesdays

ahem don't look at me. anyways tagging everyone who wants it but also @olocked @eniaos @blitheringmcgonagall @greenvlvetcouch @reubyrd @kbeebss @januaryfirstreads @solmussa @soliloquy-dawn bro I'm so bad at this i can never remember anyones @'s ffs @cauldroncakesandwine @dahlliiances @brigid-faye @heartsoncover @motswolo @wolfpadx @maladaptivewriting

mmkay i tagged more than 6 people but honestly like how the fuck does this even work?

[yunnathearcher]

Snooze. Snooze. Snooze and snooze again. Take out my nose ring. Soak it in peroxide. Sports bra and panties, open eyed and barefaced. Life feels tedious, also necessary. Like a handful, but a fulfilling one. Finding myself more in the now, moment by moment, day by day. 8 of cups looking at me like okay.. AND? Monday? Hi, yes. Monday.

Soul recognition. Refocusing my energy. Without a need or desire to show out or show off, it feels good to be seen. Can’t put my finger on it. But it’s you. It’s counterintuitive but I trust myself enough to trust the knowing. Still. Free will. Yada, yada. Also, fate too. Blahzay, blahzay. And then clear eyes. Forgive you? Yes, of course. It’s Monday.

Up to 4AM, immersed in this book I’m reading. Teetering in Eagle pose, but standing firm. Time dripping like rain drops on a rose petal. Holy trinity of beverages; water, coffee and a fresh ginger blend. Customer impatient, snotty, rude. Then later.. there goes some respect. After I show forth confidence & a bit of kindness of course. Tuesday? Uhh, yeah Tuesday.

Dry eyes. Naps during lunch break. Naps after work. Presidential debate. Early morning cardio. Gearing up to fast. Reviewing new moon goals, putting in work behind them. Using my words, the truest ones. Honoring my temple. Clearing the channels in preparation for the transition of the seasons. Trusting in the less is more approach. I get to choose. I get to do what I want. Tuesday? Oh yeah, Tuesday.

Early morning. White sports bra, deep red panties. A new playlist. Feeling all my emotions, quickly and with ease. No pressure to move off of any of them. Bliss. But wanting to make sure it’s real. Needing to make sure it’s real. So I’ll make it real. Things coming together, other things falling apart. Good I say. Wednesday? Yep. Wednesday.

Late night reading. Pink LED lights. Thinking of you clouds my thoughts. Not asking. Inflationary. I know. Researching. Gliding & coasting in spirals. Weekend feels close but not close enough. Yes ma’am, yes sir. Enough. Wednesday? FFS, yes just Wednesday.

And when the words don’t come, I don’t force them to. But they come. Eventually. Just like always. Eyes heavy with sleep. Concerns, sure. But what’s concerns to a dream? Considering the dangers of engaging with the collective unconscious. Fascinated that I feel compelled to do so. Considering the rhythm and spasms during an orgasm. Cumming with ease feels so serene. Thursday? Maybe Thursday.

Bulking season on the horizon. A tinge of awkwardness taking selfies, not enough to stop. Late night rides, views giving me life. Thinking to myself.. I’m gonna read the hell out of this book when I get back home. Thinking.. this is what life is about. Pondering and processing over an apple walnut salad. Work finally in the backdrop of my life. Just like I like it, just like I need it. Thursday? Friday Eve? Friday Jr? Girl you know it’s Thursday.

Relax into savasana pose. Indifferent to opinions. Too busy living. Light licking and kissing on my shoulders in between tasks. Slowly approaching a divergent point. Exciting. A little planning. Mostly just vibing. Life.. coming through with an abundance of skills, experience, poise and inner peace. What more could I need? Friday? Yes baby, happy Friday.

Accidental door dash orders. Early evening cat naps. Visualizing a weekend out & about. In the streets, but not for the streets. Very contained, very put up. Emails that I can do without. Responsiveness? Mastered. Initiating convos? Eh, it's taking some practice. Easing into the flow of beginning. Again. Remembering what it feels like to start anew. Again. Friday the 13th looks good on you. Friday? Mmhmm. Friday.

Early morning laundry. Psych reading & folding clothes. I can hear the crickets chirping. A deer darts out into the street. She’s beautiful. Can hear her hooves on the pavement. Serene. My eyes are heavy, my mind awake. Giving my body more sleep. Midday visualizing. Contemplating things. Shouldn’t ain't the same as wouldn’t. It’s my life. I intend to live it how I see fit. Saturday? Yeah, Saturday.

I miss you. How you would make the shrimp and grits. I miss you. How your toes would wrap around each other when we’d lay cuddled up in bed. I miss you. Rubbing your tummy to make the cramps go away. I miss you. Holding your face in my hands, telling you how beautiful you are. I miss you. Listening to you ramble for hours on the phone. Yeah, IMY2. Saturday? Fucking Saturn. Of course it’s Saturday.

And on Sunday She had fun & then She rested.

[imminentinertia]

Kid Inside: The Jungle isn't great and I don't care

Why the fuck am I counting minutes until the next episode of a mediocre het GMMTV 13+ show?

Because inside me lives Immy (13). She would have loved every second of The Jungle. She was heavily into anything she could lay her eyes on that had some darkness and a sense of behaving badly, and she was very tired of all the milquetoast shit considered age-appropriate for her. She'd lap this up.

Granted, inside me lives also people like Immy (18) who was thoroughly enjoying no strings attached sex and had discovered that she had a very good head for alcohol and Immy (22) who partied in an illegal bar and had grown bored with threesomes. They would have laughed so hard at The Jungle that they'd be in danger of injuring themselves.

Now, however, I'm really enjoying it because it fits the daydreams of Immy (13) incredibly well. Needing a passcode to be able to enter, hell yeah. Getting those passcodes from a guy with a snake earcuff and intense eyes? Swoon. Mysterious bartender and fancy cocktails? Double swoon.

Little me wouldn't have picked up on things that now-me laugh at, like

what's the point of keeping a bar so secret that it lowers the chances of finding fresh meat there

oh lord that bar is so empty

the grand piano passcode mechanism, come the fuck on

the bartender apparently also owning the bar and what does he get out of it, second hand horniness? Possibly something that will be revealed (episode 5 of 12 is airing today) so no judging yet

is the bar actually The Jungle's communal living room because they seem to be having morning coffee and reading papers

work life having exceptionally strong similarities to preschool in the maturity of the co-workers

I cannot stress enough that I don't understand the point of keeping a bar so secret that it significantly lowers the chances of finding fresh meat there so I'm repeating that

And most importantly

talking about being a player doesn't make you one, ffs. Go play some

So far all the Jungle guys are all hot air, although sex may have happened twice, judging by the morning after scenes, but to be honest only one fairly presentable corpse and some shit-talking earns the 13+ rating. Little me may actually have wondered about why they're all bragging about how much they fuck when there's little to no evidence of fucking happening.

Other fine things with The Jungle:

the hilarious nicknames the Jungle guys evidently have picked for themselves, being the tough players they claim to be although they're having trouble proving it

I actually, unironically, like the women's nicknames, and if little me had had this show she would have daydreamed so much about being Fox, I bet

there's a secret investigation board! Love those. It's very small though

revenge scenes that would have felt so satisfying to little me, grown me also likes them

I get that the target audience isn't world-weary grown people, so every Monday and Tuesday I bring my inner 13 year old out to play, and we're having so much fun. We even like the theme song a lot.

[scarletlotus182]

I hate Tuesday mornings here because the senior kitchen staff throws such a fit over being asked to do basic parts of her job and literally doesn't even refill coffee ffs

[look-i-love-u]

Hey Vey😍 How are you?

I'm trying to read more AU fics! What kind of AUs are your favorite? Do you have any fic recommendations?

Hey Anon,

currently wondering how and why Tuesday somehow always manage to be the worst day of the week. What's going on with that? Other than that I feel happy and ready to gush about the wonders that are AUs.

Because, I love AUs. They're my favourite thing in fandoms and ffs. AUs fix any canon sh*t, AUs give you the same thrill of a first meeting/a first kiss/falling in love, AUs keep the spark alive when a show ends because the possibilities don't end, AUs combine stories you love.

So yeah, I kind of love any and all AUs. Especially get-together AUs. And of course the ones with happy endings. There's something special about a good coffee shop!AU. Oh, and I love AUs inspired by films. I love watching a film and imagining my faves in the main character roles and how they would change the story.

And of course I got fic recs. Under the cut because there are a few:

Before it gets angsty. here's a fluffy one. ;)

Flower U-Up, which I've written. The typical flower shop! Au with Mickey as the shop owner, EMT!Ian and a very special scene that formed my teenage years.

Your Wish is Granted by @marzgaperez: a body swap!AU that I have read about three or four times now. I like my stories with a hint of angst and this story as got it all. Makes me laugh, cry and just long for their inevitable happy ending. It's an AU from s6 on, so it's not a get-together fic.

Finding Light in the Shadows by Dodgerbear: S2!AU. Ian gets hurts and Mickey doesn't leave his side. And suddenly there's a new future before them and a nice hope is suddenly shining bright. I hugged my pillow while reading this. Ian's pain is Mickey's pain and his love shared too. It's so good!

Two fics by keepgoing: 100 Letters: Still one of the best ffs I have ever read. So much is said in so many words. My heart still hurts rereading it, I still cry, still get that nice tingly pull when my heart is mended again alongside Ian and Mickey's. S8 AU. TW: Suice Attempts!!

Running against the Wind: farmer!Ian AU. Two lost boys meet on a farm and find their way to each other through hard work and a huge misunderstanding. Tight jeans and muscles and emotions and angst. Sign me up!

If he's the Moon I'm eclipsed by myfavouritesweater: blind!Ian fic. Season 1/season 2 AU/ get together. Hurts at times. But Mickey is gentle and Ian is seeing Mickey's heart, rather than his dirty bruised skin.

and to end with some more light hearted AUs after the angst:

Take this Waltz by @loftec: Teacher!Ian Au. Yev is a delight. Mickey is the best drama club kid!Dad. I chuckled and laughed a lot reading this.

And another story I reread five times:

Is there somewhere by andchaos: soulmate!Au/ mute!Ian: I looooove a good soulmate fic and this is one of the best imo. Knowing what you know while Mickey and Ian don't know what's actually going on is the sweetest torture. You just want to scream at them but the author makes sure they get their happy ending. Frustrating and lovely in the best possible way!

*I don't know if authors are on tumblr under a different url. Please let me know if so, so I can tag them properly.

[lode5tars]

08/11/22 - Tuesday Nov 8rd.

tranquilstudy

Day 8: Teach others something about your area of study that they may not know about.

the hex color system, so the one stablished like #FFFFFF so a hashtag followed by six characters that go from: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 A B C D E F. this is because we are using the 16bit color system, and every two digits represents one of the 3 RGB channels. # FF FF FF the first two are red the next to are Green and the two last are blue. its made up like this becasue its a 16 bit color system which means each color channel can go from the number 00 (none) ff(white) the letters just replace numbers for better readability to cover for the amount of value in that channel from 0 to 255.

------------------------

lunluns autumn study challenge

Day 8:What do you like to drink while you study? You can share the recipe if you want!

i am always worried something will spill near the computer but otherwise i go for my morning cafe con leche, which is just coffee and milk and sugar. either that or water

*********************************

For today:

solve work

daily digital workout session

read once chapter of blue period

JS notes 11-15

apply to hoyoverse

yesterday report:

shit

now playing:

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

sometimes - like this morning  -u wanna b weekend at bernies stupid - wincing at own laffter - should eye mansplain - a movie - 1 joke variations of - starring literally a dummy  -representing a dead guy - cringe funny - one feels ashamed  - they made a sequel -  anyway a panic - also leg cramp penumbra  - breathe hydrate stat - chant - bit of sleep follow - some coffee - of course a kitty and good - always - birdsong gull no murder yet -  anyway - a hallelujah - a honk no goose - at the finish line or starting gate - its tuesday if u want an excuse for tacos or merely orientation - wat - the tyranny of oxygenation as bad as life terms   -  ffs  breathed for a while already  - imma ok - need to good foot fly right  trynna not fukk things up 

[maybenotmei]

HHHH I SAW UR POST IN THE BANG DREAM X READER TAG SO CAN I GET A SHORT FF OR HCS OF DATING MISAKI? I DONT MIND EITHER <33

HIII I RLLY LOVE MISAKI TOO DW

SORRY IF THIS ISNT A LOT 😰 u can always request more or like a longer fic i dont mind hehe

both of u spend your free weekends around either one of your favorite coffee shops, just having a peaceful small talks between you two

("you have rehearsals on tuesday, right?")

("yeah.")

("i hope it goes well!")

("i hope it does, but you know the thing with those three...")

("i'll be there for you, don't worry.")

when misaki is playing tennis you usually watch from the benches (misaki offered to teach you once and whether or not you accepted is really up to you)

after hectic hello happy world rehearsals you're always there to care for her and give her some hugs

after a performance you were able to go backstage and congratulate all of them, especially michelle (and then when both of you get a rest at either one's home, you give misaki with affection and some warm coffee as a congrats.)

kokoro once invited you to perform with hello happy world when she saw you with misaki for the first time— and you refused (although misaki was already telling kokoro she couldn't just ask that)

 initially when you first got together misaki didn't want to announce it between the band, but a week didn't pass before the whole band found out anyway

overall your relationship would be a steady one— of course the band might wreck that peace every now and then but you and misaki didn't mind all that well— you two love each other either way.

[notnctu]

nctblr ff survey results

hello nctblr writing community! i made a short form to assess reader preferences! originally, it was for me to optimize my own writing and to satisfy my own curiosity about what my readers enjoy to read. but i thought, why limit it to my own audience? I hope, readers and writers alike, can find these results helpful to your own works!

I had 162 responses and so, i want to thank everyone who took the time to take this survey and for the many writers who reblogged it! the audience is reflective of those who it reached in the nctblr community from reblogs and predominantly my own audience. with that being said, i am a blog that writes for both SFW and SMUT content. regardless, i hope you can find these intriguing and rather helpful!

please do not repost these results, but reblog/like/share it to your hearts content! these results are from JAN 2021.

i would like to preface to everyone to respect the opinions of the results and not to cause any discrepancy when viewing. if so, i will delete your comments. this is a safe place and i will not tolerate any slander regarding how the results played out. okie thank you!! you may view everything under the cut and again, lots of love and thank you to everyone!

general info questions:

1. are you a minor or 18+?

18+: 133/162 (82.1%)  minor: 29/162 (17.9%)

2. who is/are your nct biases?

*i want to note that many people selected multiple members for this question and aren’t reflective of who they read for. you will see later in the post that who people read for have different results. 

3. what timezone are you in?

- EST (32)

- GMT (17)

- PST, Pacific (18)**

- PST, Philippine Standard Time (3)** 

- GMT +8 (14)

- CST (13)

- IST (7)

- GMT +7 (6)

- CET (6)

- AEST (5)

for the sake of keeping this post not excessively long, these are the top 10 timezones that had the most responses. there are also people who didn’t know their timezones.  ** a lot of people didn’t specify between Philippine or pacific, and the 3 under Philippine standard times were the only ones that did. 

4. what days do you prefer to read?

1. doesn’t matter (149)

2. saturday (12)

3. sunday (9)

4. friday (7)

5. tuesday (3)

6. wednesday (2)

7. monday (1) & thursday (1)

5. what times do you prefer to read?

1. 12 AM - 3 AM (44)

2. 3 AM - 6 AM (10)

3. 6 AM - 9 AM (6)

4. 9 AM - 12 PM (6)

5. 12 PM - 3 PM (11)

6. 3PM - 6PM (24)

7. 9PM - 12 AM (50)

8. doesn’t matter (97)

the bold ones are the times with the significant amount of higher votes.

fanfiction questions

6. what genres do you read/prefer the most?

1. fluff (121) 2. angst (101) 3. smut (96) 

here are some that others included under the other option:

angst with happy ending (5) a mix of all three (3)  slowburn (2) crack/humor (2)

7. what are your FAVORITE tropes/aus? 

1. college au (112) 2. enemies to lovers (108) 3. best friends to lovers (91) 4. bad boy au (70) 5. childhood best friends to lovers (69) 6. fwb au (65)  7. friends to lovers (64) 8. soulmates au (62) 9. established relationship (59) 10. hogwarts au (55) 11. fantasy/supernatural (48) 12. strangers to lovers (45) / high school au (45)

some that others included under the other option:

idol au (3), coffee, mafia (8), fake dating (3), racing (2), reverse tropes, royalty (2), crush, mutual pining, mythology (2), ceo, idiots to lovers, based on tv shows/books/movies, dystopia, roommates (2), pwp, medical, rich kid/private school, historical, arranged marriage

8. what are your LEAST favorite tropes/aus?

1. fantasy/supernatural (50) 2. hogwarts au (40) 3. established relationship (29) 4. high school au (27)  5. bad boy (25) 6. soulmate (21) 7. none (18) 8. fwb au (13) 9. childhood best friends (12) 10. enemies to lovers (11) 11. strangers to lovers (7) 12. best friends to lovers (6) 13. college au (4) 14. friends to lovers (3)

some that others included under the other option:

sports au, royal (2), mafia (2), exes to lovers, stalker, yandere (2), hybrid, idol

9. story length preference?

15+k words and 4k-6k words tied for most at 33 votes (20.4%), while less than 1k words got the least at 2 votes (1.2%). 13k - 15k words had the second fewest at 8 votes (4.9%).

10. who do you read for the MOST?

top 5 members who are read for the MOST: 

1. Haechan (90) 2. Jaemin (79) 3. Jeno (76) 4. Mark (70) 5. Jaehyun (66)

please note that this should not discourage you from writing for other members! 

11. who do you WANT to see more fics written for?

top members who people want to see more fics for:

1. Doyoung (50) 2. Xiaojun (45) / Yangyang (45)  3. Renjun (43) / Kun (43)  4. Taeil (35)  5. Sungchan (31)

a biased a/n: i say this alot on my blog... but my mans dy’s tags are so dry and its obvious others know this too... so i hope this gives you more insight about who to write for!

12. Open Response Addition Feedback

- ALL OF YALLS WRITERS ARE AMAZING!!! Thank you so much for supplying us nctzens with A+++ quality fics to fill our days. Often times I seriously am at awe with how amazing all of you write and I’d think to myself, “damn.. i’m really getting all of this for free.” SO THANK YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL AND MAGNIFICENT BEINGS. We all love and appreciate you guys so damn much ♥️

- thank you so much for taking time to write ♥️ i really wish i had time to write an ask/message to every writer who’s works i have read cause it helps me get through the day, especially when im on my study break 🥺♥️

- I appreciate you for even caring about our preferences :D writers don’t get enough credit and I wish yall know how valued you are in this community <3 take care and stay safe

- smut shouldn't be in high school AU's :// and people should stop using images from when members were underage in their smut headers :///// also, thank you for doing this!!!

- whatever you write is amazing and your opinion of your work should come before the readers. remember that you’re writing for yourself before you write for readers <3

- to all writers, i love u and ur art! keep the magic happening <3

- There's too little of doyoung smut collection

and to everyone who left me personal messages, thank you!! you’re all so sweet and im glad to be able to do this for everyone :) 

conclusion

thank you for making it this far and hopefully, this helps you in your own writing endeavors! i know this definitely helped me in many ways with my own and im more than grateful for everyone who participated (reblogging my survey, taking it, leaving open feedback). let me know if you have any questions :) 

[rahleeyah]

Birthday anon here because I love our anon chats:

- I agree on the twisted relationship with nudity the US has and also with natural parts of the body. I’ll give you an example: of course we adopt some of your trends (especially in clothing - some of them though because Italy is a very conservative country mostly on three things: food, clothing and religion in the specific sense of religious rites) but one that has never, ever stuck is (maybe surprisingly for you) whitening teeth. We do have frequent dentist appointments for cleaning and whitening them, but not in the way y’all do. Like for us (Europeans in general but I think in other parts of the world) US smiles look fake and unnatural. If you see somebody here with that kind of white teeth it’s not an indication of wealth, but teeth as shiny and white would be considered super weird. The standard here is natural white. And this is true of other parts of the body too: like I won’t say we do show on tv/movies what you described but (and you should see 70’-80’s movies in which women were fully naked) for a long time the ideal woman here was the Mediterranean woman (think Sophia Loren - also a good actress, or more recently, Monica Bellucci - terrible actress ffs), who had a much more curvier and fuller body type than what was the norm then/is now.

- you would consider me and most Italians very rude. We don’t do small talk. At all. Like if somebody I don’t know talks to me when I’m queuing, better be for a damn good reason. Also, overly nice people, especially servers (I mean I know they do it for the tip but still) in the Us commit one of the most heinous crimes for an Italian: interrupt them when they are enjoying their dinner with friends (“if I need you I’ll let you know, I’ll tip more if you don’t interrupt me - every Italian ever in a Us restaurant)

- totally agree on the Elliot not watching the news thing. I mean, I even had a tv in my apartment when I attended uni last time and I successfully watched probably one news program in three months, I don’t read papers and get my news online so I even if the twins were in college, it would not be a reach at all. Also, as you pointed out, if it was not even national news in the US, it would be super unlikely for it to be picked up by international broadcasters, only really big local news make headlines outside the US.

Kisses from Venice xxx

ok hello hi i'm sorry you've been waiting so long i'm hereeee

it's interesting bc what's fashionable, what's culturally sexy, changes over time, and you can chart those changes in media and the way people are represented. and the whole damn thing is a cycle, anyway; 90s grunge was an answer to 80s glitz, early 2000s aesthetic was an answer to grunge. we went from a million layered tanktops and bootcut jeans to skinny jeans and simpler tops, now the kids hate skinny jeans and side parts. it's like whatever is in fashion will, inevitably, become cringe, and the opposite will become fashion, until it too gets toppled, and around and around we go. and i just think we're gonna see that more broadly; there has been a long, long, long battle to see our media embrace different body types, and i think eventually, inevitably, that shift will make more headway. but it is interesting to get a perspective on how american "fashion" looks from the outside.

the tipping thing is so interesting. so i'm from the south, right, and everybody loves to talk about how things "move slower" down here. it's polite, and expected, that you make small talk with people; i was just chatting with the guy who sold me cigarettes and a cup of coffee this morning, you know good morning, how are ya, not bad for a Tuesday, weather's supposed to be nice, oh the damn chip reader is messed up again, these things have a mind of their own, all right you have a nice day now. the girl in line behind me told me she liked my mask. we chit-chat with the waiter at restaurants, and the waiters are attentive and a tip is expected. my mama taught me it was rude to wave at the waiter to get their attention - and you certainly wouldn't like. call out to them. if you could discreetly get their attention that was ok, as long as it could be done discreetly - i was out to lunch with my work wife and the boy child the other weekend, and I caught the waiter's eye to let him know i wanted another beer, but i didn't like. hey you at him. if he hadn't seen me I'd have just waited around until he came to check on us again.

so i was in london a few years back with a friend of mine, and we had a blast, and we knew going in a) don't tip and b) the waiter's not gonna be checking in on you every five seconds, but it still took us forever to ask for the check in literally every restaurant we went to bc we kept like. waiting for a good moment to discreetly get the waiter's attention instead of just flagging them down. bc our mamas taught us the same thing lmao

and that's the thing, right? is there is no universal polite. well, i mean, most of the time you probably shouldn't swear at your server, and you shouldn't like, hit 'em or anything, but it's all about context. the barista at my local starbucks expects me to ask her how she's doing, a barista in NYC probably doesn't wanna hear from me. and that's great! that's cool! it's one of those things that like, if we cling to firmly to "my idea of what's polite is the Right one" we're gonna end up alienating people, bc the truth is what's polite just varies. we gotta read the room lmao

[writers-411]

Metal & Coffee: Pockets

Summary: Kagome is a woman working part-time jobs, spending most hours at the new Spiffy coffee shop. She’s not looking for any drama, not after Kikyo broke her heart. With her life in constant motion, Kagome still strives to finish her novel and be a good mother. Inuyasha is the lead member of Tetsaiga, a rising metal band of misfits. He wants to get his band into the top five to prove something to his old man and to himself after his shattering break up. The hard blend of coffee and metal has yet to reveal the intertwined future in its swirls, but Inuyasha and Kagome are determined to get past the rearing heads of their pasts that set their teeth into their lives.

Pairings: Inuyasha x Kagome, Miroku x Sango, Ayame x Kagura, Toga x Inukimi, and Toga x Izayoi

Links: FF & AO3

Note: Sorry for the late post. I meant to get this chapter up on Tuesday the latest, but time and work weren’t on my side. I do hope you all enjoy this chapter. Thank you again for your patience. I really appreciate it. 

[chemicalpink]

oKAY BUT CAN WE JUST IMAGINE WHAT A CRACKHEAD POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH BTS WOULD BE LIKE???

library dates with Namjoon

Coffee dates with Yoongi

Jin cooking for you

Gaming nights with Tae & Jungkook

Which mostly ends up with Jungkook winning, Tae whinning and you pouting until Kook buries your face with kisses

lots of cuddles from Jimin & Hoseok

LOTS OF CUDDLES FROM EVERYONE TBH

Living together was the best and worst decision you could have made

lemme walk you through a usual day

noisY MORNINGS

I’m talking about Joonie’s loud singing in the shower

Jungkook imitating him from outside the door + Hobi laughing at it while recording it in his phone

Jin yelling from the kitchen that breakfast is ready and “tHis Is ThE tHiRd TiME I’vE TolD yOu tO CoMe DoWn” 

He sometimes swears that he is taking care of 6 kids

Especially when Tae & Jimin are currently arguing over who’s had their rightful third pancake

Grandpa Yoongi is grumpy because he was woken up before noon, sitting on the couch, almost falling asleep while holding a cup of black coffee

Namjoon actually says goodbye to you with a kiss and a “see you in the afternoon baby”

The rest of them just yell a “GOODBYE Y/N” before heading out the door, the house a complete mess

You going to school/work and them blowing up the group chat

With the usual private message from one of them

Jimin and Jungkook once sent you nudes when they knew you were taking an exam/ during a meeting, just for the shit & giggles

They still bring that up from time to time during movie nights

Apparently they have a schedule that you know nothing about for picking you up from school/work

Until Jin and Hobi messed it up once, resulting in both of them showing up and making a scene outside the building

Because

Why are there two amazingly good looking guys arguing outside 

Turn around and yeah, they’re your boyfriends, sorry 

“It CLEARLY said Tuesday 3rd, J” “Well, how was I supposed to know that J belonged to Jin and not JHope?” “Your name is Hoseok?? ffs” 

You ended up walking home that day

They didn’t even notice, until you were taking too long and called you “Yeah.. I’m home guys”

As busy as all of you are, you like to have quality time over lunch so you usually go out

Sleepy hours when they get home

Lots of whinning and cuddles for the day

Contrastingly enough, evenings are pretty much silent

Namjoon and you are always the last ones to go to bed

Have I mentioned that your room has a custom made double alaskan king bed?

Jungkook usually ends up rolling off anyway

Sexy times are quite a show tbh

Group sex is not really your forte

But you are not opposed to it

You don’t plan on it, it usually begins with two of you and someone eventually adds up, perhaps two of them

You have become the master of kinks by now tbh 

These boys have so many different tastes, you name it, you’ve probably done it

YOU. ARE. SPOILED. ROTTEN.

that’s it. They love to buy you things out of the blue

“Y/N I walked by Gucci and thought these would look good on you” (you know who we’re talking about)

Unfortunately, not everything is rainbows and rays of sunshine

Arguments are a thing, although they’re not big and you tend to talk them out

But polyamory is a misunderstood thing

And you are almost always getting too caught up on the weird looks people give you

Or that time the elderly lady called you names after watching you kiss two of them

But they love you so much and you love them all

You are sure to be happy in their arms, and them in yours and one another

Sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with

And that’s okay :)

A/N: I am aware of the asks in my inbox, i promise I’ll get to them its just that i have loads of work + midterms (BTW i give you my whole support to anyone on midterms rn) but i hope you like this headcanon ily

[hanupboy]

Not enough

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Genre: Angst with a lil bit of fluff? mostly angst tho

Words: ~3k

Break-up AU or in which love sometimes isn’t enough

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Your hand reaches for the other side of your bed, feeling the soft silk of the cold pillow lying next to you, lonely, abandoned. It doesn’t even smell like him in here anymore. When did he come by the last time? You can’t remember.

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“Good morning, beautiful.” Chan opened the door to your bedroom, croissants and coffee in his hands. The soft sun rays of the morning sun hit your face, tickling you awake. You give him a sleepy smile, pulling your blanket closer, trying to keep the comfortable warmth of your bed. “Good morning, love. What you got there?” you ask, making Chan smile shyly. “Breakfast. I went to the small bakery around the corner and prepared some coffee. Want to eat here or in the kitchen?” he replies. “No. Cuddles, please.” you reach out for your boyfriend, making him laugh lovingly at your cute antics. “My baby wants some cuddles, huh? Who am I to say no to you?” he cooed at you before slipping under your blanket, pulling your warm body close to him. “How late is it, Channie? Don’t you have to go to the studio?” you ask, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. “No~” he whines, snuggling even closer to you, “I don’t want to leave. Want to stay here.” You pat his soft hair, giving him a peck on his cheek. “I’ll wait for you here. Come on, I’m sure the other members are waiting. Get out, baby.” you push him out of your embrace. “Fine, I’ll see you later then, Y/N. I love you.” he kissed you goodbye. “I love you, too.”

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You rub the tiredness out of your eyes as a big sigh leaves your lips. You pick up your phone and hover above your latest chats. No new messages. You tap on Chan’s chat to read your messages once again.

━━━━━━━━━ ▲ ━━━━━━━━━

Y/N [Tuesday, 5:20 PM]: Are you coming over today? I can order take-out for us Y/N [Tuesday, 9:31 PM]: Good night, baby. I love you. Y/N [Wednesday, 8:30 AM]: Hey, are you busy today? I want to see you. Y/N [Yesterday, 10:33 PM]: I miss you [Read: Yesterday. 10:40 PM]

━━━━━━━━━ ▼ ━━━━━━━━━

Your phone locks with a quiet click. You get up and drag yourself into the kitchen. The cold air hits your bare arms and you hurriedly close the open window, shielding you from the cold winter air. You turn on the stove to make some of Chan’s favourite food, which is honestly just anything edible. He’s just too busy, you tell yourself. You need to get his mind off of things, take him into your arms. You throw some meat into the frying pan, trying to push the sting in your chest away.

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“Oh? What’re you doing there?” Chan asks, wrapping his arms around you from behind, putting his chin on your shoulder to get a better look. “Food. You basically snacked on everything you could find in my apartment for the last 30 minutes, so I figured my baby is hungry.” you turned around to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “Wow, are you trying to make me propose to you? It smells great, my baby is a great cook.” he praised you, drawing figure eights into the sides of your hip. “Chan, I’m boiling water. What are you smelling that’s so delicious, huh?” you laughed. “I was trying to be cute, okay? Do you need help with anything? Need me to chop some vegetables or something?” he took one of the big knives from your kitchen counter, rolling up his sleeves to showcase how ready he was for this. “I would love that. But maybe try using the right knife.” you said, handing him the smaller knife you used to cut vegetables. Chan took the knife with an embarrassed smile on his face, taking out some scallions to get to work. “As you wish, chef.”  “Wait! You need to wash them, first!”

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You put the food into a container, packing it up neatly, putting on something warm to head out for the studio. You took small steps towards your destination, dreading your arrival. You were dying to see your boyfriend, hug him, kiss him. You didn’t know what it was, but something in you told you to go back home. Your body seemed to become heavier with every step you took towards the building, your stomach feeling as if you swallowed a ton of stones. You tighten the grip on the little package you prepared for Chan, trying to shake off these weird feelings.  The employee greeted you with a warm smile, leading you to the elevator that would bring you to the studio. You pressed the button to the right floor, worrying your lip between your teeth. Why did you feel so nervous about this? You used to come by almost every day, hanging out with the members, keeping Chan company while he was producing. Why did you feel so out of place now? You stood in front of the door, contemplating if you should knock or just leave again.

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“Hey, guys! Missed me?” you asked. Chan and the rest of 3Racha were all hunched over the computer, trying to compose some new songs. “Y/N! Hey, of course we missed you. Chan is hiding you too much from us, so selfish.” Changbin shouted dramatically, jogging over to you.”What are you talking about, Bin? She’s here all the time. You just saw her two days ago! Hey, baby.” Chan waved at you cutely, puffing out his cheeks at Changbin’s accusations. “Hey, I missed you.” you walked over to him, pressing a small kiss to his lips, your eyes crinkling from the smile that appeared on your face the second you saw him. Chan felt the same way, smiling into the kiss, enjoying your presence around him. It was like this every time. You both lighted up each others world, all the worries of a stressful day subsiding as soon as you shared something as simple as a kiss.  “Ew, get a room. Why do my innocent eyes have to see this every day?” Jisung complained, throwing a pillow at Chan and you, making you giggle. “You’re just jealous, Han. Get off my dick and get a girlfriend instead.” Chan teased him, earning an exaggerated sigh from Jisung. “I’m not jealous! I’m just not a fan of your PDA.” he explained, making Changbin laugh. “What’s so funny, midget?” he narrowed his eyes at the smaller boy. “You’re the king of PDA, you don’t even need a relationship for that. You really should get a girlfriend, squirrel boy.” he replied, making Jisung pout. “You all love my cuddles! Don’t even try to deny it, right Y/N?” he looked at you, eyes pleading for you to back him up. “Of course, Sungie. We all love your cuddles.” you reassured him before turning your attention back to Chan. “Anyways, are you hungry? I prepared a little something.” you said, raising the package you prepared earlier. “Alright, now I am jealous.” Changbin said, looking at the big box of delicacies you placed in front of your boyfriend. Chan’s eyes lit up, giving you a little peck on the lips.

“Thank you baby, I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

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“Hey” you said quietly, averting your gaze to the floor you were standing on. Chan didn’t even turn around to look at you. “What are you doing here?” he asked, too focused on his computer screen to pay any attention to you. “You haven’t come around for a while. I missed you.” you said, hope spilling from your voice. “Yeah, I noticed that. I’m busy though, could you come back another time? Thanks.” he replied coldly, his tone making you flinch. “Ah, I see..” you said, taking a few steps closer to him. “You’re working too much, baby. You should take a little break, I made some food for y-” “Y/N, I said I’m busy, is that so hard to understand?” he cut you off, turning around to look at you. “I-I know but, I thought-” you stammered, feeling intimidated by the tension in the room. “Yeah? Well, you should stop thinking so much then. Just leave me alone for once, you’re so goddamn clingy, it’s annoying.” he went on, not even noticing how your eyes got watery. “I understand.” you sniffled, trying to compose yourself. “I’ll leave you to your work then.” you said with a strained voice, putting the box of food down on the table before scurrying out of the studio.  As the door clicked shut behind you, you leaned against the wall, letting out the tears you tried to hold back oh so desperately. Your chest got heavier with every breath you took. You just wanted to disappear right then and there.  Chan got up from his chair slowly, taking the box you left in his hands. He felt the soft fabric you wrapped around it, a big sigh leaving his lips.  “I fucked up.” he said, quietly, taking out his phone.

      ┈     ┈     ┈     ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟     ┈     ┈     ┈

You were sitting on a bench in one of the busy streets, looking up at the sky. The stars twinkled above you, lighting up the pitch black night sky. “Hey, baby, I’m back. Are you cold?” Chan asked, holding two cups of coffee in his hands. “Hey. Yes, a bit. Thank you.” you took one of the cups, pressing it to your cold cheek. Chan sat down beside you, pressing a light kiss to your hair. “It’s warmer now that we’re together, right?” he said, putting one of his arms around you. “Wow, cheesy.” you replied, giggling, making Chan look at the floor, smiling shyly. “Maybe, but I can’t help it. You make me say cheesy things.” “How so?” you looked at him, leaning into his touch. “I don’t know. When I’m with you I’m so happy, I can’t help saying this weird stuff. I guess I just really fell for you.” he replied, looking into your eyes, making you blush. “I guess that makes two of us.” you whispered to yourself. “I hope all of this never passes.” you said, looking at Chan softly.  “It won’t. I will love you forever, I promise.”

      ┈     ┈     ┈     ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟     ┈     ┈     ┈

You sat down on the bench, holding a cup of coffee in your hands. The coldness seeped into your body, making you feel numb. You took a small sip of your coffee, wincing at the bitterness of it. Your phone was buzzing for a while now, demanding for you to take it out of your pocket.

━━━━━━━━━ ▲ ━━━━━━━━━

Channie~ [8:19 PM]: Y/N, are you home?? open the door please, we need to talk Channie~ [8:23 PM]: where are you? i didn’t mean it, please reply Channie~ [8:29 PM]: are you giving me the silent treatment now? wow Channie~ [8:32 PM]: ffs Y/N please! i’m sorry, just reply

━━━━━━━━━ ▼ ━━━━━━━━━

You stared at the messages, a sad smile forming on your lips. So now he’s texting you, huh?

━━━━━━━━━ ▲ ━━━━━━━━━

Channie~ [8:40 PM]: i’m gonna wait in front of your apartment until you talk to me Y/N [8:41 PM]: no, leave Channie~ [8:42 PM]: no, we need to talk Y/N [8:44 PM]: i have nothing to say to you Channie~ [8:45 PM]: then listen to me! Y/N [8:48 PM]: i don’t want to, not now Channie~ [8:48 PM]: tomorrow then? at the café? please. Y/N [8:55 PM]: fine. leave.

━━━━━━━━━ ▼ ━━━━━━━━━

The way to your apartment didn’t take you long. You stood in front of your door, still smelling Chan’s perfume, his presence still lingering in the air. You pull the blanket over your body, pushing your face into your pillow, trying to silence your crying. Was this your fault? Did you ask for too much? Did you make him turn into what he had become over the past years? Maybe your love just wasn’t enough. Maybe you weren’t enough for him to keep loving you. Maybe he never really loved you. Your eyes were burning from the amount of tears that poured out of them. Every breath you took hurt, feeling as if your lungs would rip at any given second. After what felt like hours in this position, your tears finally stopped. You were completely drained, exhausted, tired. 

The sun harshly shines in your face, making you flinch away from it. You got up and looked at yourself in the mirror. You looked like shit. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying, your hair was a mess, your skin looked pale and dead. You put your hair in a loose bun and wrapped yourself in a few layers of clothes, but you didn’t stop shivering. The coldness wouldn’t leave your body. 

You arrived at the almost empty café not too long after, squeezing yourself into one of the empty booths. You absentmindedly flipped through the menu, ordering a coffee without even looking up at the waiter. It was as if you were on autopilot, not paying attention to any of your surroundings, until you heard the soft ringing of the doorbell.

      ┈     ┈     ┈     ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟     ┈     ┈     ┈

You were sitting at one of the tables, fixing your hair excitedly. It was your second date with Chan, and you couldn’t wait to finally see him. Him being a little late only added onto your nervousness until you heard someone running through the door, huffing for air. “Hey, Y/N! I’m sorry for being late. Did I make you wait for a long time?” he said breathlessly. His cheeks were red, be it from running so fast, the cold air outside, or because you looked stunning in the soft morning light. “Don’t worry about it, I didn’t wait that long.” you giggled. “But are you going to keep standing there or will you sit down with me?” you asked, looking up at Chan, who was still trying to catch his breath. “Oh, I- sure.” he laughed, taking the seat across from you. “You look beautiful, Y/N.” he said, his face glowing with happiness. “Thank you, you look.. a little short on air?” you laughed, making him grin sheepishly. “Sorry, I just got out of the studio. It won’t happen again, I promise.” he explained, taking your hand in his. His touch sent waves of electricity through your whole body. The two of you would often go to this café from this day on, almost making it your own little morning ritual. 

      ┈     ┈     ┈     ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟     ┈     ┈     ┈

“Y/N?” You snapped out of your daze, looking up to find Chan. His appearance resembled your own, his eyes red, his voice raspy from crying. You acknowledged his presence with a small nod of your head, gesturing for him to sit down. “First of all, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said this stuff. I didn’t mean one bit of it, I’m such an idiot, honestly. You’re not annoying, please forgive me one more time. I love you.” he said, his hands reaching for yours, trying to look into your eyes. “Is that all?” you asked, moving your hands away from his. His eyes filled with worry and fear, confused by your reaction. “Yes? I mean it. I really do, Y/N.” he said, his hands still reaching out for you. “No, you don’t.” you say, coldly. “The problem is not what you said yesterday. It’s not just ‘the past few weeks’. I do believe that you love me, Chan. I really do. And I really love you, too. Even after all this, I still love you.” You felt like crying, but your eyes refused to spill more tears. You were empty. “But we can’t go on like this. I can’t go on like this. This isn’t the first time you pushed me away, and you know it. It’s not the first time you discarded me like trash. And maybe you’re right, maybe I’m too clingy.” you explained calmly, folding your hands. “No. No, this isn’t right. This isn’t what I wanted! Y/N, please, listen to me.” He sounded desperate. His eyes teared up, the pain in his throat intensifying. “Chan, please.” you looked up at him, your eyes laced with pain. “I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much.” “But you love me! And I love you. Please, don’t do this. We can work through this, together.” he rambled, his tears finally flowing down his cheeks. Seeing him like this hurt. Every tear that fell from his eyes felt like a dagger to your heart. But this was for the best. This had to stop. “Let’s break up, Chan.” you said, your voice finally cracking. His sobs came to an end, his head hanging low. “Please.” he said, his voice merely above a whisper, “Please don’t leave me. I will change, I promise. I’ll do anything.” “I’m sorry.” you said, watching his tears fall onto the table before leaving. 

[lifeinahole27]

CS ff: “Walking the Tightrope” (Chapter 3/10) (au)

Summary: Killian’s daily routines are a matter of habit. When he wakes up late one morning, his routines all change for the better. Emma doesn’t care about routines, but she does care about Killian, no matter how reluctant she is to admit it to herself.

Rating: E (much later in the story)

Content Warnings: Maybe some strong language. There is mention in this chapter of Graham's death, which took place many years prior to the current timeline. Heads up for anyone that needs it. 

A Special Thank You: My continued gratitude to my lovely friends, @captainstudmuffin and @phiralovesloki. And a heap of love to @captainswanbigbang for putting this together and helping me accomplish this.

A/N: This chapter was a lot of fun to re-write, most specifically because of the interactions with the other characters that Emma and Killian have. I had a lot of fun writing Will in this story, and I love the dynamic between Emma and the Charmings. Thanks, as always, for reading and liking and reblogging and leaving comments and generally being amazing. I am so lucky and thankful that you're here reading my story. 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

Find it on Ao3 & FFN!

-x-

Chapter 3: So it Goes

October 20: Sunday

All weekend, the kiss haunts her.

It was just a kiss, she thinks more than once, eyes glazed over while the television plays something she's already seen a million times.

But there's another voice in there. He's not like the others, it says to her. It sounds suspiciously like Snow. Snow, and her endless hope speeches about love and how Emma builds her walls too high and tries to keep everyone out. With a frustrated grunt, she grabs her phone and dials one of the only landlines left in Storybrooke. She usually only calls when there's something wrong, so she's sure they'll panic when she shows up on their caller ID.

"Emma? Is everything okay?"

"Gimme the Disney Princess," she demands after David speaks. He doesn't say more, doesn't push or question it. Emma can hear the shuffling of him moving from one spot in their farmhouse to go search out his wife.

"She asked for you," David says from a distance.

"Thanks, Charming. Close the door behind you?"

If she wasn't so used to the exchange, she would be rolling her eyes. But instead she waits patiently while they share a quick kiss and she hears David leave the room, the door to Snow's craft and grading room closing with a faraway click.

"What happened?" Snow finally asks, her voice measured without judgement or concern just yet. Emma imagines her in the faint glow of the warm room, with her readers perched on her nose as she decides whether or not her fourth graders accurately spelled each word on the list.

"I kissed him," she says, breaking her own mental image to bring back the reality of her life.

"Kissed who?"

"Killian. Friday after we walked back from the bar. We were joking, and then he teased me, and then I basically mauled him with my mouth."

"Well, Emma, honey, that's great!"

"This is not great," Emma hisses as she gets up from the couch and goes to the kitchen to pour herself some water, suddenly parched and terrified.

"Why not great?" Snow asks. "Is he married or something? Polygamist? Gambling addiction?"

"Not that I know of," Emma mutters. "But the problem is with me. I'm the problem in this equation, Snow."

"You're not."

"I am. There's no way I can let him in, because he'll just end up gone like all the others."

"You don't know that. Won't know it unless you give him a chance and let him prove you wrong."

"Or, alternatively, I'm right and then I don't even have my morning walks to look forward to because they'll always be tainted by the memory of that creep I used to walk with."

"You kissed him and yet he's already the creep that left you high and dry?"

"Why did I call you?"

"Because you know this is your past trying to talk you out of something that could make you happy and I'm your voice of reason. That's why you called me. Can you text him and wish him a goodnight or something? Tell him you'd like to buy him coffee tomorrow?"

"I um… I still don't have his number. So I can't."

"Well, in the morning, when you walk to work with him like I know you do five days a week and wouldn't miss it unless your legs were broken despite the fact that you would never admit it out loud, you will give him a chance. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, mom," Emma mutters.

When she ends the call with Snow, she flops back onto the couch with a dramatic sigh. Tomorrow. Maybe she'll fix this tomorrow. She can be better, right?

The closer she gets to their corner, the higher her anxiety goes. By the time she's approaching Killian, her heart is beating so fast and she's pretty sure she's sweating despite the very chilly temperatures.

He's engrossed with something on his phone, and Emma thinks about that first time she ever saw him walking to the crosswalk. At the very least, her thoughts calm down a little bit so she's not jittering the entire time she approaches him. He glances up, then, the sun peeking through the clouds and hitting his eyes just right as he looks her way.

It's almost like he tries not to smile, maybe remembering the last thirty seconds where she fucked everything up on Friday, but it still comes through - that sweet smile and eyes crinkling. It's almost breathtaking to see that expression aimed at her. She made someone happy like that, no matter what the ultimate outcome of the other night was.

Whatever either of them had in mind for greetings this morning, they both fail at them, tripping over their words and half-aborted hand gestures. When the light changes, they start walking together, with Killian's hand coming up and his fingers just grazing her lower back until he just as suddenly pulls away.

When they get to Granny's they stop, as if they each have something to say but can't spit it out.

"Just… be patient with me?" she finally asks when it's clear both of them are failing at being casual about this.

"I've all the time in the world, love." There's this deep well of understanding in his eyes, and she sort of hates herself a little bit for the way she ended their night out, now.

"Good. Thanks." She reaches out, trying to bridge the gap, but her fingers just graze along his sleeve before she pulls away. "Well, um, have a good day, Jones."

He rubs behind his ear, glancing down at the ground for a moment before looking at her again. "Have a good day, Swan."

She lifts her hand in a wave, hesitantly shifting and then moving up the walkway to get her coffee when he makes no other comment. When she glances back, he's still there, and she sees him sigh before he continues on towards his office.

With a sigh of her own, she enters the diner and tries to push her turmoil to the back of her mind.

-x- October 22: Tuesday

Sometimes, waking up on her birthday is just like every other day. Maybe it's the fact that her birthday is assumed to be October 22 because that's the day she was left in the hospital waiting room, looking freshly born and crying her eyes out. At least, that's what Ruth told her about the day she was found. Ruth was working in the giftshop as a second job, just trying to make ends meet for her family.

They never did find her birth mother, but when it was clear one wasn't showing up, it was Ruth that stepped in and adopted her. Despite the fact that she already had five-year-old twins at home, she took in Emma and raised her as her own. Robert, though he would leave this earth far before she could remember him, was in full support of this idea.

It was mostly nice having brothers around, too. Well, at least one of them. David was protective and chivalrous, kind and generous, and she looked up to him like he really was Prince Charming all while growing up. James, on the other hand, was the opposite. In fact, when James ran away and eloped at 18, it was almost a relief to all of them. He was out of their hair. Emma and David would never admit it to anyone, but they had a bet going on whether or not James would show up for Ruth's funeral. Emma won the bet. He showed, but only so he could find out what was left to him and collect on it before fading away again.

It worked out that he had no interest in the rest of Ruth's estate. That's when David and Snow moved out to the old farmhouse, leaving Emma all by herself in the apartment that they all awkwardly shared for a time. The loft that, after some much needed furniture replacements, quickly became her fortress.

It's where she wakes up on her twenty-eighth birthday, for once not obsessed with smacking her alarm to snooze it or wanting to roll back over and forget the day. She tries to temper her excitement a little bit. She'll be seeing Killian soon, but it's not like he's obligated to remember it's her birthday. She told him on Friday and who knows if he even cared? But the prospect of seeing him is enough to get her moving.

On the subject of seeing someone romantically, Emma's mind isn't made up yet. She hasn't actually dated since Walsh, and that was enough of a disaster - and that word alone is an understatement for the heaping garbage fire that was the end of her relationship with Walsh - that she's not sure how she feels about officially dating again. But as Snow already reminded her, Killian is not the others. He told her she has all the time in the world, so she can only hope he'll be patient as she tries to sort out her feelings.

She wears what she always wears, slipping into one of her favorite pairs of jeans and a sweater. When she checks the temperatures for the day, she opts for the black leather jacket since it actually has a lining and might keep her warm for her walk to work today. She adds a beanie over her hair, pulling it down snugly over her ears.

Emma's heart pangs a little thinking about not sharing her mornings with Killian. Maybe she should just offer him a ride to work. It's not like she would be driving miles out of her way with how small Storybrooke is. She knows he lives closer to the harbor, and what's that? Three extra turns?

Those thoughts follow her out the door, into the chilly quiet of late October.

Killian looks nervous when she sees him. She doesn't know how she can tell from this far away, but there's something in his posture - it's like he's trying too hard to be casual. He checks his watch and then looks in her direction, his expression lighting up when he sees her.

"Good morning, love. Happy birthday," he says in greeting. New to his own outfit is a black leather jacket, and she grins widely at the fact that they're matching.

"Thank you. Like the jacket."

"Same to you," he returns when he notices she's also wearing black.

Before she walks up the path to Granny's to get her coffee, he slows her down with a touch of his hook to her sleeve, easing a card out of the bag slung over his shoulder.

"Don't get excited or nervous. It's not much," he explains. "And don't be alarmed, but I've gotten you two small things."

As she takes it from him, her fingers brush over his and a thrill of contact runs through her. "The fact that you remembered means so much," she tells him. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"No trouble at all, I assure you."

"Well, thank you in advance. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

With one last wave, they part ways and she heads to the welcoming warmth of the diner.

Her coffee is already at the counter waiting when she walks in, and Granny fixes her with one of those looks.

"You got someone sweet on you, Deputy."

"It's possible," she responds. Yeah, with that statement alone Granny is saying that the whole damn town has noticed, but that doesn't mean she needs to explain it to the biggest gossip hound.

Killian is gone when she comes out, but that's okay; the rest of the walk is quick enough and she has a card to open when she gets there.

She expects the bundle of balloons that are tied to her chair. She even expects the cinnamon rolls that look to be still steaming, fresh from Snow's diligent baking. What she doesn't expect, and what David also certainly looks perplexed at, is the small vase of flowers sitting on her desk. It's a varied bunch, with freesia and delphinium mixed together. It's not a big bouquet, by any means, but it's been so long since she got flowers at all that her heart speeds up just a touch.

At least now she understands why he was so nervous this morning.

David recovers from his confusion enough to come give her a hug, wishing her a happy birthday and telling her that dinner will be at six that night.

"So, these are from the guy you're not seeing, then?"

"Mmhmm," she hums out, moving the flowers to the side so she can access her computer. She doesn't say anything else on the matter, instead giving David a look and a smile that clearly says he better drop it.

Emma waits until he's back to work at his own desk before she slips her finger under the fold on the envelope that Killian handed her. It's cardstock, clearly not purchased at the store, and there's a rough sketch of a multi-tiered birthday cake drawn in the center. On top of the cake, there's a small swan. She makes some noise in the back of her throat that she doesn't mean to. But how can she not when this is sitting in her hands?

Inside, his beautiful, looping handwriting has scrawled out a simple message, along with his phone number.

"Here's to metaphorically crossing the street to a new age. -Killian"

It's so simple, but so sweet, and charming, and Killian that she has to physically restrain herself from getting up and marching over to his office immediately. Instead, she pulls out her phone, diligently entering him into her contacts before starting a new message.

"The flowers are beautiful," she sends him, taking a picture of them off to the side of her desk.

"I figured the symbols of friendship and joy would be well-fitted to your birthday. There are no buttercups this time of year, so I did the best I could."

Smiling to herself, she reads the message a few times before setting her phone aside. She props up the card next to her monitor and stretches one more time before diving into the things she wants to accomplish.

Somehow, she manages to concentrate at work without stopping to just sit there and literally smell her flowers. It's a close call a couple times, though. Instead, she slogs through filing paperwork and typing up old reports into the digital system some more. It has to be one of the slowest jobs they've ever done but Storybrooke is hardly bustling. It's just that it took them until 2019 to get the system in place so they have… a lot of files to copy in. Her goal is to finish 1997 by the end of the week, but with her mind preoccupied, she's likely to barely make a dent.

For the last three years, her life has been cut and dry; the phrase "same shit, different day" was pretty much her motto after she got out of the relationship with Walsh. While she never subscribed to the idea of building on specific routines, she was aware of the stagnation that came with nothing new and exciting ever happening. A month ago, she never would've guessed she would be considering asking out the stranger she casually walked with in the mornings. That was as far as their interactions ever got. For the time being, all she can do is be thankful that Killian was late that day so it broke them out of the pattern they were stuck in, even if she doesn't know how to progress from here.

At dinner, the first thing to come up is her relationship status.

"Not you, too, Snow." The other woman flits around the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner while Emma sits at the kitchen table with a glass of wine.

"Well, it's just that David sent me a picture of a very beautiful vase of flowers that he said were delivered to the station about ten minutes before you got there." Her friend looks at her then, one slim eyebrow climbing up towards her hairline.

"Yes, and now they're sitting on the island in the loft."

"And these flowers were from Killian?"

"Yes." Emma isn't sure why Snow bothered to ask, since she knows damn well they are from Killian.

"Killian Jones? The one I told you to give a chance and see what happens?"

"Yes, Snow." The exasperation in her voice is evident with the second response. The woman never misses a chance to rub in being right. Ever.

"Okay, just making sure. When will you get to see him again?"

Right as she starts to answer, David walks in, kissing Snow on the side of the head as he starts to move around her as if they'd synchronised this beforehand. They are the height of ridiculous relationships, in Emma's book.

"Tomorrow morning when we cross the street together like we do every morning."

"And outside of those little moments?"

She'd hoped to bring this up at a different time, weigh pros and cons with Snow over the thought of maybe asking Killian on a date, but not when David suddenly looks far too interested in what she has to say in response.

"You know, this whole conversation is one factor in why I haven't dated in so long," Emma spits out. Snow and David both open their mouths to say something, but they both close them in tandem, looking at each other and having a patented Married Couple conversation without words.

"You're right, sweetie. We'll skip the rest of the parental run-down. At least, until after you've finished a glass of wine."

"It's the least we can do," David adds on, smiling and winking at her before he pops the garlic bread into the oven. "Okay. Ten minutes until dinner is ready. Wanna chug that so we can pry into your relationship a little bit more?"

She nearly chokes on her drink when he says it, but it has the intended effect of making her laugh so she'll take it.

After they've eaten and cleared the table together, David leaves them to talk while he heads to the basement to finish his latest project.

When he's not busy doing sheriff duties or volunteering at the animal shelter, he builds birdhouses. It started with making one for Snow to post outside her classroom window back when they were first dating. He ended up making one for the tree outside Granny's diner because the wind kept knocking the nests down. After seeing that one, Belle asked if he could make her one, which he made to look like a stack of books. Eventually, Snow forced him to start putting them on Etsy because he wasn't paid for any of the thirty that are now scattered around the limits of Storybrooke.

With him in his workshop, Snow ushers them into the den with steaming mugs of hot cocoa, letting Emma sit in silence and mull over hers for a few moments before she starts to prod.

"What's going through that head of yours?" Snow asks, sensing her need to talk about it.

"I just don't know if I'm ready to date," Emma admits.

"Remind me how long you were with Neal?"

"Seven months," Emma grumbles. She wouldn't put out until she turned eighteen, which meant from June until October, the most she would do was kiss him. He somehow thought that if they ran away to Tallahassee together that she would magically change her mind about her virginity.

But nope, Emma stuck strong on that, and in October she finally let him touch her breasts. That was apparently enough for him to stick around another three months until they had sex for the first time. Then, of course, the idiotic non-pregnancy scare happened, and she was left alone in Florida with a sub-par waitressing job and learning how to chase bail skips from a woman named Cleo that saw her chase down a guy that tried to dine and ditch on her.

It took her three years to get back to Storybrooke but only because David figured out something was funky and flew down to Tallahassee to see her. As soon as he realized how unhappy she was, he was helping her ship her few belongings back to Storybrooke and buying them two plane tickets home.

"Okay. Seven months with him. That's not really a strong enough amount of time to decide if you're even in love with someone, let alone someone who's trying to manipulate you," Snow tells her.

And she knows. Because she's been through the debate on whether or not she even loved Neal. She knows for a fact that he never really loved her despite him saying so a couple times.

"And Graham?"

That one hurts.

When she came back to Storybrooke, there was a new deputy in town. His name was Graham, he was Irish, adorable as sin, and immediately had a crush on her. His twenty-five to her twenty-one was better than the age difference between her and Neal, so she gave in to the relationship a little easier than she thought she would.

"We were only together for three months," Emma admits, lost in her thoughts of that accent and his soulful eyes. He admitted he was falling in love with her after a couple dates. Since she was still a bit burned from the whole Neal situation, she told him she would return the words when she was ready, and he was perfectly fine with that.

"Don't blame yourself," Snow's words break through the fog of memories.

"It's gotten a little easier not to," Emma responds with a tight smile. She sips from the drink in her hand but barely tastes it. "I didn't know CPR back then, didn't know he had a heart condition."

"To be fair, neither did he."

"You can't know that for sure."

"Emma, I saw all his medical records after… When we sent them back to his parents. According to everything he had on file, he was completely healthy. No arrhythmia mentioned, nothing. He had no clue he was going to…" Snow trails off there.

"That he was going to leave me behind?"

"I think that man would've done anything in the world to stay with you, especially knowing your history," Snow says, reaching over and giving her free hand a squeeze. "The whole town knew he was in love with you. If he knew anything about what was coming, I don't think he'd have asked you out at all."

They keep skirting around it, but the fact of the matter is that Graham died in her arms. She'd gone to the station to visit him while he was on the late shift and while he was kissing her, he collapsed. He was working alone that night, so there was no one to help. Once again, David came to her rescue.

But it was too late. By the time the paramedics showed up, Graham was already gone, and at a young age, Emma had lost two people she thought she loved in two very different ways.

"You're probably right," Emma finally says.

"Would you have gone out with him if you knew how it was going to end?"

"Him? Yeah, maybe. Walsh?" Emma makes a noise of disgust in the back of her throat. "Absolutely not."

"Walsh was a type of scum that no one could've predicted," Snow admits, a look crossing her face that says it all.

There are no less than three people in Storybrooke who have all claimed rights to punch him in the face if he ever shows up in town again.

"Let's not dredge up that one again," Emma finally says. "It's my birthday and I'll ignore any topic I want to."

"Of course. All I was trying to point out is that your past relationships have never defined who you are. And they've been so short that it's really hard for love to dig its heels in on you yet. You've even had a couple years since Disaster Boy and I know you must be scared to try again, but let's look at some quick facts."

Emma sincerely wonders when Snow crafted her pros and cons list, because this all sounds way too practiced to be off the top of her head.

"Go for it," she sighs out, just wanting to get it over with.

"Killian has lived here since June. You know as well as I do that it created a nice little bubble of excitement that someone new was moving in. And in that amount of time, how many women has he dated?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do. Because we would all know the second he took out anyone in town."

"What about those rumors from the bar?"

"What, that he flirts with women?" She tilts her chin down when she says it, leveling Emma with a look she knows all too well to be her Mom Look. "You flirt with everyone in town at least once a week. You can't hold that against him."

"I do not flirt with everyone," Emma defends. Still, she pauses as she thinks about it for a second. "I would never flirt with Will or Victor.

Snow snorts at that, raising her own mug in agreement.

"So what are you going to do?" Snow asks after they've been silent for a few minutes.

"I don't know. I asked him to be patient with me yesterday morning. He had every right to skip past my birthday but still went out and did these little things for me."

"Take your time with it. He'll wait. I can already tell he'd wait a long time if you just gave him a chance. And it can lead to something really great if you just open that door for him."

After their mugs are empty and Emma helps clean up the kitchen, she heads to the basement to give her brother a hug before she leaves for the night.

"Happy birthday again, kiddo."

"Pretty sure we're far beyond 'kiddo' years here, David. But thank you. I'll see you tomorrow," she says, squeezing him tight and heading upstairs to give the same farewell to Snow.

When she gets in her car, she pulls out her phone again, fidgeting as she considers texting Killian. After a few seconds of weighing it, she finally taps out a quick message and hits send before she can change her mind. She locks her phone and puts it back in her pocket for the drive home.

She's just unlocking her door when his response comes through, and she smiles when she reads it. Just a simple "You're welcome, Swan." to her text of thanks and a smiley face after the message.

For once, it's a birthday that she doesn't mind remembering.

-x-

Chapter 4