#Clone: Nah Mate. Fuck that.

[piers-official]

giving piers a clone

'Scuse me but-

WHAT.

THE FUCK?

[scratchybongvt]

The Sidemascots 1 1/2 Auditions! (Sidemascots 1.17.1)

Vinicius and Sumi: WE ARE BACK FOR CHRISTMAS!

Sumi: By popular demand!

Vinicius: By someone who has a mental health issue more like…

Sumi: And this time it’s going to be bigger and BETTER than ever!

Vinicius: You do know we’re doing this in a super-condensed version just to raise funds for mental health awareness in @sashley1912’s name, who’s celebrating her birthday today?

Sumi: I thought we were going to raise funds for my patreon…

Vinicius: Whoops. Today we are…

Sumi: Getting new hair-dos!

Vinicius: I meant…

THE SIDEMASCOTS SEASON 1 1/2 AUDITIONS!

Vinicius: We’re going to the barber aren’t we?

Sumi: Oh hell yes…

[The auditions]

Miraitowa: Really? I was out eating with my friend Honohon before I received an email saying I should come back for the Sidemascots… again?!

Sumi: Would you like a $5 donation? For charity?

Miraitowa: Hell nah, I knew it’s a scam.

Sumi: Awwww…

Vinicius: Make it convincing next time, Sumi…

[The auditions]

Burke: Burke, Atlanta! Now supporting Inter Miami! Why would I support a small club while I can support a more popular, more goated club who’s participating in next year’s Club World Cup? Na-na-na-na-na, na-na, na-na-na, na-na!

Sumi: Didn’t your boyhood club defeated Inter Miami in the playoffs?

Burke: I DON’T CARE!

Vinicius: Oh, please… Palmeiras’ going to beat you all…

Sumi: Donat-

Burke: Nah, I won’t fall into that.

Sumi: Awwww…

Vinicius: Maybe at least try?

[The auditions]

Sacha: @sashley1912, Draguignan… Please! Let me in! I need to get out of this hell!

Vinicius: Oh no…

Sacha: I’ve been abused by my dad for weeks! I couldn’t find help!

Vinicius: And why didn’t you call @kurosaiko12?

Sacha: 😢

Vinicius: Don’t worry, we’ll donate the funds raised to you.

Sumi: Wanna donat-

Vinicius: We’re giving money to her, not taking money!

Sacha: I’ll be more than happy if you guys put me and Oly in the Sidemascots… pleeeeeease…

Vinicius: Uhhhh… we’ll be in touch.

Sacha: THANK YOU VINI!

Sumi: Wanna donat-

Vinicius: Shut the fuck up, Sumi!

[The auditions]

Honohon: My name? Ha, I need no introduction.

Vinicius: Honohon…

Sumi: Would like a $5 donation to my patreon- I mean charity! A $5 donation to charity!

Honohon: I need no scam donation, nor an audition.

Vinicius: Lame-o!

Uzumin: *knocks door* LET ME IN, HONOHON! LET ME INNNNNNNNN!!!!

[The auditions]

Vinicius: Name and residence into the camera please!

Someity: …

Vinicius: Not again…

Sumi: I know! Wanna donat-

Someity: No.

Sumi: Please-

Someity: No.

Vinicius: Sumi… have you ever learn about deceptive marketing? You should take notes from Scuderia Ferrari’s marketing office.

[The auditions]

Borobi: Mental Health Awareness Week… in December mate?!

Vinicius and Sumi: Yes mate!

Sumi: Wanna -.. --- -. .- - . / - --- / -- -.-- / ... -.-. .- -- / .--. .- - .-. . --- -. / .-.. .- -... . .-.. . -.. / .- ... / -.-. .... .- .-. .. - -.-- ..--..?

Borobi: What do you mean, mate?

Sumi: -.. --- -. .- - . / - --- / -- -.-- / ... -.-. .- -- / .--. .- - .-. . --- -. / .-.. .- -... . .-.. . -.. / .- ... / -.-. .... .- .-. .. - -.-- ..--..!!!

Vinicius: What the…

Sumi: Sorry, I didn’t go to Scuderia Ferrari’s office, I instead go to a Morse code class.

Vinicius: 🤦‍♂️

[The auditions]

Olympic Phryge: Oly-

Paralympic Phryge: (kicks Oly out) PARALYMPIC *burps* PHRYGE! PARIS FC FAN FOREVER! PHRYGE FROM DESIRE…

Sumi: In my defense, I’m terrified!

Paralympic Phryge: TERRIFIED? *burps* YOU BLOODY FLUKE! *farts*

Sacha: Does anyone has a stomach pump?!

[The auditions]

Powder’s clone: Powder from Salt Lake-

Coal: See? I told you mascots can revive!

Vinicius: Actually she’s just an intern in a rabbit suit.

Coal: WHAT?

Sumi: Sorry, no exceptions for mascots, once they’re dead, they’re dead.

Vinicius: Because of that, I’ve decided to ban you from this winter special!

Coal: But…

Sumi: Go.

Coal: BUT-

Vinicius: GO!

Coal: Awwww…

Powder: PRANK! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, he thought I’m still stupid, hahahahahahaha…

(Powder throws her clone out of the window)

Sumi: Way to go with your pranks!

Vinicius: Sumi, I think you should learn how to fool like her…

Powder: *ahem* Listen carefully!

Sumi: Yes, teacher!

[The auditions]

Soohorang: Soohorang, Pyongyang…

(Vinicius and Sumi chuckles)

Soohorang: Why are you guys laughing?

(Vinicius and Sumi chuckles again)

Soohorang: What’s the *GASP* PYEONGCHANG!!! PLEASE! FORGIVE ME! I MAKE MISTAKES!!!

(Vinicius and Sumi laughed)

Vinicius: I can imagine the dear leader… oh my god…

Sumi: Yeah… I can also imagine Soohorang donating to my scam patreon!

Soohorang: Wait… scam Patreon?

Sumi: YOU HEARD NOTHING!!!

[The auditions]

Daiyu: Daiyu Zh-

Vinicius: NEXT!

Sumi: Sorry, but the SideMASCOTS only allows mascots and mascot fans, not random Asian people!

Daiyu: But I was enrolled to the Grand Mascot School…

Vinicius and Sumi: DOESN’T COUNT!

Daiyu: Oh…

Crackhead: BIASED!

[The auditions]

Wenlock: Wenlock, Stratford…

Sumi: Let me guess… Originally you don’t want to join, but some Crackhead from Sainsbury’s forced you to join?

Wenlock: Yeah, originally… but I’ve actually enjoyed it, so I’ve decided to come back. I’ve heard you guys are doing it for philanthropy…

Sumi: Yes… he he he… wanna donate???

Wenlock: No. Surprise, surprise, it’s a scam.

Sumi: IT ISN’T!!!!

Wenlock: Nah. I won’t fall into that. I’ve seen Scuderia Ferrari, read Morse code, and distinguished Powder’s clones and told everyone!

Sumi: Shit!

Wenlock: You think I’m stupid? Shut up, I’m smart!

Vinicius: I think you should…

Wenlock: I know that!

[The auditions]

La’eeb: La’eeb…

Sumi: NEXT!

La’eeb: But…

Vinicius: NEXT!

Sumi: Oh, and do you want to donate before you go?

La’eeb: Donate to what?

Sumi: The Qatari Government to improve working conditions?

La’eeb: No way!!! The working conditions there are already safe!

(There was a minute of silence)

La’eeb: What?

Vinicius: GET. OUT.

La’eeb: But…

Vinicius: GET OUT!

La’eeb: *sigh* Fine….

Sumi: Damn! I almost fooled him into donating to my Patreon!

La’eeb: I HEARD THAT!

[The auditions]

Milo: Milo, Cortina D’Ampezzo…

Vinicius: What happened to Tina?

Sumi: Let me guess…

Milo: She’s tired of the Sidemascots so I’ve decided to fill in.

Sumi: hahahahahaha…

Milo: …

[The auditions]

Quatchi: Quatchi, Vancouver.

Sumi: Quatchi… sorry but did you notice something odd?

Quatchi: No, I’m just a normal Canadian!

Vinicius: Canadian? What’s the last thing you remember?

Quatchi: I remember myself at home, saw Miga and a bunch of protesters come and attack me… then I woke up in London… I don’t know why…

Sumi: Actually, Quatchi, you’re dead… Your casket was moved to Arizona before you were Frankensteined.

Vinicius: Let’s be honest, your 2 posthumous saves are amazing!

Quatchi: I’m still a goaltender… AFTER DEATH?!

Sumi: Hell yeah! The best goaltender the world has ever seen!

Vinicius: Also, and this is true… You’re British now.

Quatchi: I’m… WHAT?!

Vinicius: Remember the insult you said to Burke? Atlanta United advanced to the playoffs.

Quatchi: WHAT?! THAT WAS A-

Sumi: And they beat Inter Miami.

Quatchi: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Sumi: So I’ve decided to give you Vatican citizenship.

Burke: (wears a tall hat and a monocle and drinks tea) God save the King and Glory to Quatchi! Posh, posh, posh…

Luce: May god bless Quatchi, amen…

Vinicius and Sumi: O FUTEBOL É A ARTE DO POSSÍVEL! (Football is the art of the possible!)

(Quatchi cries)

[The auditions]

Chenchen: (plays ukulele) Demon-

Sumi: NEXT!

Vinicius: Sorry, we don’t allow people who don’t know how to speak English…

Chenchen: I’ll speak English! Promise!

Honohon: Not as good as mine! Chinese souvenir…

[The auditions]

(Copper cries again)

Vinicius: There there, Copper…

Sumi: Sorry about the loss of your friend…

Vinicius: Actually I already told him that Powder will come back but as an intern in a rabbit suit.

Sumi: Oh, haha.

[The auditions]

Yodli: Yodli, Lausanne, I’m practicing yodeling to be Switzerland’s entry for the 2025 Eurovision Song Contest! YODEL-LAY-EEE-OOH!

Vinicius: (whispers) Imagine being embarrassed in front of 12,000 people…

Sumi: At least they’ll score higher than the UK…

Vinicius: But surpassing the UK is like making water wet…

Yodli: What are you two talking about?

Vinicius and Sumi: NOTHING!

Vinicius: Just want to say good luck in the national selection!

Sumi: You’re gonna need it!

Yodli: Thank you- what???

Sumi: Want a donation? Who knows it’ll increases your chances of winning!

Yodli: Nah, I won’t fall into that.

(Sumi cries)

Vinicius: Don’t worry Sumi, I’ll persuade people with intellectual disability to donate you…

(Sumi cries even harder)

[The auditions]

Kuro: @kurosaiko12, Nice.

Vinicius: Sorry, we only allow mascot fans, not friends of mascot fans, they’re not the same.

Kuro: No, actually I’m here to tell you that none of the revenue from this winter special will not be donated to charity.

Vinicius and Sumi: WHAT?!

Kuro: it’s going to Sumi’s patreon instead. You scammy bastard.

Sumi: HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU!!!! (Cries while running away)

Kuro: Viewers at home, please donate to mental health organizations! Especially those in France, it’ll help my friend A LOT!

[The auditions]

Miga: Mig-

Sumi: You’re in.

Miga: YAY!

Vinicius: What-

Sumi: I’m so tired of her.

Miga: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Sumi: Oops.

[The auditions]

Purintan: @ducky-purintan-mascots-11, The Philippines. Please tell me that Sacha is fine…

Vinicius: Well, she is fine. We’re raising funds to help people like her.

Purintan: Where can I sign?

Sumi: Here! Here’s my PayPal…

Purintan: 2 pesos… done!

Sumi: 2 pesos?

Vinicius: It’s only about half a loonie.

(Sumi cries again)

[The auditions]

Mickey: Mickey Mou-

Vinicius: NEXT! Jesus Christ, who shortlisted him? Some guy who collects public domains? That’s a wrap!

Sumi: Wrapped?! I’ve listened to Elton John for 24,000 minutes this year!

Vinicius: 🤦‍♂️

THE SIDEMASCOTS SEASON 1 1/2 STARTING LINEUP!

Sumi: Ugh… my pretend sister, Miga.

Miga: THANK YOU!

Vinicius: The very thing we are raising money for… Sashley!

Sacha: VIVA LES PHRYGES!

Vinicius: And by Sacha’s request… Olympic Phryge!

Olympic Phryge: Hope I won’t get killed this season… i’m vulnerable.

Sacha: There there, Oly…

Sumi: Default Ol-

(Miraitowa slaps Sumi in the face)

Vinicius: Atlanta’s #1 Inter fan… Burke!

Burke: MESSI, MESSI!

Sumi: Master of the caterpillar… Borobi!

Borobi: Mop mop!

Sacha: He’s so cute…

Vinicius: Master of fire… Honohon!

Honohon: Honohon needs no introduction…

Sumi: And the last Sidemascot is…

Yodli: Me, surprise surprise…

Sumi: Wenlock!

Wenlock: COME ON YOU HAMMERS!

Yodli: oh… Well I have a Yodel class due anyway! See you in Eurovision!

Vinicius: Good luck!

Sumi: Episode 1, Mascot Challenges will premiere on Sumi Saturday!

Vinicius: You mean Sidemascots Saturday…

Sacha: Make sure to donate to non-profit organizations in France! Thanks in advance!

Sumi: Remember to set…

Vinicius: THIS HAS BEEN THE SIDEMASCOTS!

Sumi: What?

Everyone: GOOD BYE!

(There was a minute of silence)

Sumi: Why do you keep interrupting me?

Vinicius: I don’t know.

Sumi: Ughhh…

[cebwrites]

but through all of the sorrow (we were riding high)

oc x canon word count: 1.2k

Hyou was twenty four when the Uchiha clan fell, when Shisui died and took their brother's spirit with him to the grave.

Just a few years prior, they were consoling their team mates over the death of Hizashi Hyuga after he took the fall for his brother. Azura, who just lost his safety net from their sensei as a single parent, and Sou, who was determined not to feel anything over this but Hyou wouldn't let him.

Ironic, since Hyou never really was able to process their emotions from back then because of how busy they were with everything else, all things considered. They lost their ninken, Hairomaru and Shiromaru, around this time as well but similarly bottled those feelings up to unpack on a sunnier day that never came.

After the incident with his partner, Tae goes numb, exponentially so after Danzo orders him to be brought down to T&I and interrogated for "suspected colluding with conspirators".

He shuts down and rejects all interaction for a while, let alone help.

Hyou breaks up with Ibiki because the sight of him right now makes them sick. How could they continue seeing a man who just stood by while their brother was being tortured? The siblings' relationship continued to fray, even as Tae slowly, very unwillingly started to interact with people again. Takashi trying to get his twin to see their father's side of things doesn't help, well meaning as it is.

They were pulling their hair out trying to keep this dysfunctional little family together but what the hell was Jiraiya doing while everything went to hell anyway.

So when Kakashi comes over one night to bother Hyou, they don't really have the energy to tell him to fuck off and mean it.

"I'm not in the mood to entertain you tonight, 'Kashi. Go home."

"Nah, don't feel like it." Kakashi answers easily from the spot on the floor where he's made himself comfortable, utterly unperturbed by the mild suggestion to leave. If they really wanted him gone, they would've physically tossed him out by now.

So he continued to needle, all from behind the hard cover of that borderline deadbeat's cheesy smut novel.

"I ate the crackers in your pantry, by the way."

"Do you think that one sushi place still delivers this late?"

"Get me some water, please."

The sound of shattering glass made Kakashi quickly rise to his feet, spotting his childhood friend crouched over the broken, wet pile in their kitchen. Guilt swirled in his gut at the realization that they still tried to go along with his stupid, childish whims, even as exhausted as they were.

Whatever half-baked, initial plan to annoy Hyou into being vulnerable with him, since neither were particularly good at being sincere with each other, obviously didn't pan out as well as Kakashi had liked. In a time when Hyou was probably looking for comfort, some kind of respite from the back to back stressors in their life, he went and made the poor bastard cry.

Shit. He might've gone too far this time.

Kakashi led them to the couch while a shadow clone cleaned up th—well, his—mess.

The silence was painfully awkward between them, broken only by the audible muffled sobs coming through Hyou's hands. When they finally did speak, it was through a strangled noise of frustration; heavy with emotions too difficult to vocalize through anything but angry tears.

"This sucks so much...! I can't do anything for Tae even as his older sibling. I couldn't do anything for Neji after sensei died either."

"Mmhm."

"I hate that it hurt to break up with that useless Morino. Fuck him to hell and back."

"Mm."

"You suck shit at this, Bakashi. Damn it. I just wanna hold Shiro and Hairo again."

"Yeah, I know."

Kakashi felt the wind get sucked out of him with that one. That much he was aware of, but the least he could do was sit with them until they were finished venting. He felt partially responsible, always assuming that they'd just be able to pick themself back up, but it must have been a while since anyone properly checked in on Hyou if it got this bad.

Still, he stayed there for them. Stilted and slightly uncomfortable as his presence was, it was welcome.

Later in the night, Kakashi left to grab some grub from whatever was still open. Hyou made a point to mention that their house had a door that he could knock on before entry, instead of poofing in and out of their living room unannounced. Though Kakashi paid no mind to the comment, the silence that they ate in was a little more amicable than before.

--

At the same time, second chances were just around the corner.

Hyou and Genma had fooled around often in their early twenties - explorations of their bodies, sexualities, relationship dynamics; though they weren't each other's firsts, they figured out a lot about themselves through one another.

The only snag was one night when that "what are we" talk eventually happened, they weren't on the same page.

One half wanted to keep it casual out of fear of ruining the friendship and the other wanted stability, neither were at fault, just incompatible at the time. Though it would be a lie to say that Hyou felt no sting at their partner's, "we're fine as is now, right?"

Genma had his turn feeling that dull ache a few weeks later at their responding, "sorry, Gen, I don't think this is going to work," while pulling away from him at one of their usual hangouts - secluded for privacy, among other things.

They had a gradual but clean break, no hard feelings, and went onto date other people. Whatever weird, yearning for the closeness that they previously shared and took for granted but whose absence felt haunting, went swiftly ignored. Both parties agreed to see other people, that was the end of it.

By the time Hyou was crying in their living room over broken glass, among other things, enough time had passed that sparks began to form when they brushed against each other again - the two tokujo found themselves subconsciously gravitating to the other's presence, their feet guiding them to old hangouts when they were kids - and while their friend groups were never all that different, they found excuses to be around each other even more.

Weeks of build up led to them sneaking into the attic of Genma's house while his dad was out of town, slightly tipsy, like they were silly teenagers again; and being fair, this whole affair brought up silly teenage feelings in both of them.

Adults nearing their mid twenties trying not to get caught by one of their parents, ridiculous. The laughter between kisses they produced was infectious.

As much fun as it was, however, Hyou had to pump the breaks before Shiranui's hand slid too far up their uniform.

"Gen, wait, hold on."

"Wai.. what's wrong?" Hyou sat back on their elbows as Genma put a little distance between them, just enough to breathe but unwilling to wholly pull away from their warmth.

"I can't do this again, we're not kids fooling around anymore. I don't wanna be just your 'sometimes'."

Subconsciously, Genma had started feeling around for his senbon - something to ground him or maybe a distraction if it the news was really that heavy - finding the quiet answer in their eyes, a need for reassurance, he lent forward to rest his forehead against the crook of Hyou's neck.

"Dumbass. Who said I was jus' fooling around."

If anyone noticed the two tokujo leaning towards each other a little more when they bickered the next week, or one coming to deliver the other's lunch and drag them out to eat, no one made a peep about it.

Hyou was also at least mildly aware of some gender discrepancies within themself around the first time they messed around with Genma, even asking if he'd be bothered by it - the answer was no, their gender being null had no change to his bisexuality - but they wouldn't really be open about it to anyone aside from him until that Kakashi makes them crack later down the line.

[cienie-isengardu]

My RepCom Musing: if there were (clone) strills everything would be much better

For me, the biggest missed opportunity & disappointment of the Republic Commando story is that NO ONE APPARENTLY CAME UP WITH IDEA TO CLONE MIRD. And I swear, everyone would be better off with strill puppies (kittens?) around. Like seriously. Vau? Mird is what kept Vau alive and happy for decades and is literally what makes Vau soft and caring. Now multiply Mird and Vau won’t magically change from hardened veteran & harsh training sergeant into overprotective, overemotional dad, sure, but it would definitely make it easier for him to show his care and deeply hidden emotions once each squad of his batch gets a cute lil clone!Mird to take care of (and be taken care of in return). Can you imagine all the cadets’ excitement and wonder for their own strill, for the unconditional love and loyalty of an highly intelligent and smart animal and for the Vau’s trust given alongside it? All the things boy!Vau must feel at some point too, when he was stuck with an abusive family or shortly after leaving them and be on his own in an unknown, uncaring galaxy? Can you imagine him swarmed by the puppies and clones with a thousand and one question on how to deal with strill so he could unleash all his love for Mird on everyone around?

Or Atin, after losing his first batch mates? Or even after Geonosis? No point for violence when you can drop an emotional support animal on a hurt, depressed human being. Deltas too could benefit from lil Mird. What could be better than a strill for emotionally stunted people with even more an emotionally shut down trainer? Beside the whole long-term therapy, I mean.  

Jango too should get a strill, the man is like one, walking trauma and Boba would be better to hang out with a loyal pet than Aurra Sing or other assholes.

Where is a cute lil clone!Mird for each squad of Vau’s batch, I demand to know?! A loyal strill  to make everything better? WHY NONE OF YOU in-universe SMARTASS THOUGHT TO GIVE MIRD A BUNCH OF SMALL PUPPIES (KITTENS) TO MAKE KAMINO A BIT BETTER PLACE FOR THE STRILL, VAU AND CLONE CADETS? Everyone would be mentally healthier!

Well maybe beside Kal who could have a heart attack once Jaing brought the strill puppy or two or a whole pack and Skirata was forced to explain how that happened to overprotective Vau & Mird XDDD 

UNLESS Vau wanted to do so but Kaminoans, remembering that this animal hunts them down out of boredom decided FUCK NO. Then I will accept the canon as it is, but only then…

(I do remember Vau sicing Mird on Ordo in book canon but I will admit I do not have a clue what was the point of this action besides making us, readers, to dislike Walon on the spot. I mean, killing people and physically trashing cadets? Sure, it makes sense within his characterization. But using Mird like that without any logical reason and just for fun? Nah, I will pass. Like Ordo lacked trauma and reasons to dislike strill and Vau when Kal had plenty of his own complaints about Walon to pass to his kids.)

[ravenalla]

Welp. Mando finale thoughts.

Y’ALL IM DYING I WAS RIGHT WE ACTUALLY DID NOT GET HELMETLESS DIN 😂😂 what a fucking joke. Literally it’s like the writing this season has expected you to have the attention span of a five year old, debriefing room? Nah mate that was last episode forget it. This show won’t keep a plotline going to save its life. Sigh. At least Din escaped by his own with the help of Grogu instead of Bo coming to rescue him like a damsel in distress again. His fight scenes were really cool and we got to see the most he’s interacted with Grogu out of the whole season.

The Moff Gideon clone thing makes sense I guess but it kinda just came out of nowhere? Like his epic showdown speech was all about Din destroying the clones when it happened like 5 minutes ago, why didn’t you have any security for that anyways lmao. This is probably just a nitpick but it’s a weird thing to introduce at the last second and have it be his big motivator. Also I was just imagining how much more cool it would be if the darksaber was being wielded by Din in that fight, truly the marketing meant absolute nothing. But hey now it’s gone forever so doesn’t even matter who tf cares anymore there yayyyyyy 🙄 At least Bo Katan would actually have to prove that she’s a worthy leader not just based on fucking sword ownership, which realistically she’d 100% get them all screwed again if she wasnt written as a different person all season lol.

No one was the spy. Kinda glad because I didn’t want the Armorer to be evil but idk why the fuck they named a whole episode that then. Flying scenes were also neat at least.

NO DINBO AND HE DIDNT STAY WITH HER AT THE END LETS GOOOO!!! and FINALLY a father son confession, though I’m sorry Din Grogu? Is that a Mandalorian cultural practice established? Why wouldn’t it be Grogu Djarin tf? 😭 that’s gonna take some getting use to because what. Also come on why didn’t you make Din say he’s his son to the New Republic Officer at the end that would have been the perfect transition from this apprentice nonsense after adopting him. Speaking of, please don’t tell me they are making Din a cop. I know it’s an independent contract to just hunt down imperials not much different than his bounty work but it’s getting dangerously close to cop levels for me.

I will say, after going through all that, I’m at the very least happy we got an ending that can merge into Din and Grogu actually being the focus as a family and going on adventures again. These writers still have lost all my trust and I’m not looking forward to more, but it’s better than any alternatives we could have gotten.

Overall, not a god awful finale, but not a great one either. Lots of missed opportunities, but dodged a couple of bullets we were all worried about.

[delirious-donna]

Ok but the way my nostrils flared and my eyes went wide at your response. Lord have mercy!

Kind of in a cheeky mood right now. Imagine how pissed he'd be it that turned out to be your shadow clone and not you. 😂

A spanking is in order, yes? Could he pretty please choke me a lot little?

If he'd like to put a collar and chain on me I'd be such a good little puppy for him. Promise to be good and beg for his big cock. I can sit and stay if he buries it deep inside my pussy.

-🦋

Now… this I could have sworn I answered but maybe I only did that in my head? 😅 my bad 🦋 anon, please forgive me…

For anyone that has no idea the context behind this ask, it relates to the thought of Kakashi using his clone on you in intimate times and my headcanon that only the real Kakashi gets to actually fuck you.

Yeah, you’d for sure be in for a spanking if he discovered it was your clone because where the fuck are you? Hiding and giggling somewhere as you watch it unfold? Nah, not on his watch. The question is would he spank you or the clone?

Maybe he’d spank your clone hard enough that it poofs away and you get hit with the experience of the situation much to Kakashi’s amusement. Finding you in your ridiculous hiding place as the experience of being fucked ripples through your mind and body… heaven. Oh, but wait, what comes next? The realisation on your face is precious, being scooped into strong arms as pain begins to radiate in your backside and you can only cling to Kakashi and murmur endless apologies…

As for choking… personally I don’t think he’d be willing to make you see black spots in your vision but there is something absolutely primal about holding your throat when he has you in mating press. You’re his after all and his fingers make a beautiful necklace for your throat.

(The pet play stuff, well, let’s save that for another time cause damn 😮‍💨)

[weirdmageddon]

thought of more. thanks to everyone who said I Get Them

DAVESPRITE: wait so you can actually hear my heart JADE: derp yes dave i have already said that DAVESPRITE: thats a bit romantic to be honest JADE: oh JADE: wow..... o.o JADE: i didnt know you felt that way DAVESPRITE: yeah i didnt either DAVESPRITE: why the fuck did i say that JADE: heh.... DAVESPRITE: i know pretty much everything about this game but i still cant answer the question why sprites continue to be physiological entities when the kernel is drawn to deceased things DAVESPRITE: remember a few weeks ago i couldnt stop molting JADE: YES :| DAVESPRITE: like whats the point of that DAVESPRITE: thats the real ultimate riddle JADE: a second chance at life? DAVESPRITE: i mean my prototype components are half dead and half living DAVESPRITE: i dont think my bird half wouldve given a fuck about this though DAVESPRITE: this is likely coming from the dave half JADE: i see JADE: our purpose was to create a new universe right? DAVESPRITE: yeah it still is JADE: do you think this means when we beat the game and enter the new universe we created, youll come with us? JADE: maybe thats why sprites are living! DAVESPRITE: do you want spoilers JADE: yes!!!! DAVESPRITE: the answer is yes sprites can enter a created universe DAVESPRITE: and thank god for that because the other option of being trapped in this game for eternity and not being able to enjoy the fruits of the labor of the people youre guiding would be pretty fuckin cruel and unusual JADE: i cant imagine how awful that would be @_@ DAVESPRITE: all i know is that i know about game constructs and the game constructs themselves DAVESPRITE: questions like whether sprites can get down and dirty and reproduce or the purpose of being biologically alive not to reproduce but to be the second banana informant about quests is up in the air but i think it would be something stupid DAVESPRITE: it doesnt mean i cant feel love though JADE: of course youre still a person JADE: and you dont have to mate or be capable of it to care about the people you love JADE: thats pretty obvious! DAVESPRITE: yeah JADE: yaaaawn DAVESPRITE: oh hell is it attack of the zs o'clock JADE: mhm... i might go to sleep DAVESPRITE: christ what else is new DAVESPRITE: nah thats cool DAVESPRITE: sweet dreams jade

then

JADE: ........ JADE: boof DAVESPRITE: did you just boof at me JADE: yes DAVESPRITE: was it a contented boof JADE: yes DAVESPRITE: alright

DAVESPRITE: yeah even i cant answer what drugs are doing on your planet JOHN: but from what i can tell, the salamanders don’t have any laws on possession of mushrooms. JOHN: my dad’s car got a parking ticket though. DAVESPRITE: that would make sense DAVESPRITE: its probably like the staple commodity keeping their econony afloat DAVESPRITE: i bet you right now stocks for salamander shrooms is way up on lohacse DAVESPRITE: this is going to have financial implications and we will bear witness to consort burgernomics except at fraymotif shops DAVESPRITE: you gotta think of this from their perspective DAVESPRITE: were essentially greek gods to these guys except prophecized DAVESPRITE: so really its more like theyre a bunch of christians and were all the second coming of christ or whatever DAVESPRITE: imagine jesus buying your villages cultivated mushrooms and sharing it with his jesus clones DAVESPRITE: the four of us are influencers to a bunch of colorful amphibians JOHN: yeah, i sort of got that impression when i went through the first gate and found a salamander village.

i wrote davesprite and jade dialogue while i was cozy level stoned last night lol i think i characterized them good

inspired by looking at pictures of davesprite while high and this art i saw yesterday

we never got to see what they got up to i think this is how it would go roughly

DAVESPRITE: you know being fused with a bird is kinda strange DAVESPRITE: theres all kinds of mad shit going through a crows head DAVESPRITE: like id pick a fight with a motherfucker any day of the week for a peanut DAVESPRITE: but i think the best possible consequence is the feathers JADE: theyre soooo soft!!! DAVESPRITE: yeah DAVESPRITE: shits like the stuffing to your favorite pillow DAVESPRITE: down as soft as a bird babys bottom JADE: heheh DAVESPRITE: here comes harley parking her arms round the back JADE: beep beep beep beep JADE: mission jade arms landing is successful........we have TOUCH DOWN DAVESPRITE: copy that shoosh position locked and loaded JADE: whoa dave :o DAVESPRITE: what JADE: there is a clicking sound coming from your chest! DAVESPRITE: oh uh DAVESPRITE: bird things i guess DAVESPRITE: dunno im not in control of that it sort of just happens JADE: happy bird noises!! wow thats so cute JADE: my doggy ears are very sensitive :p JADE: i can hear your heartbeat too by the way DAVESPRITE: damn it JADE: its super cozy DAVESPRITE: oh well thats a relief

JOHN: oh, dude. JADE: hi john!!! DAVESPRITE: what DAVESPRITE: cant a birdboy and a doggirl get their snuggle on DAVESPRITE: is there something so wrong with that DAVESPRITE: aside from the fact we may have fulfilled our mutual dreams of becoming furries in the most unprecedented ways possible JADE: theres nothing wrong with it!!!!! it is awesome JOHN: bluhh, no there isn’t. i was just wondering if you’ve seen the remote. DAVESPRITE: oh DAVESPRITE: cant help you there buddy DAVESPRITE: lost in snugglesville unfortunately DAVESPRITE: well not unfortunately for me JADE: :D <3 JOHN: that i can see! DAVESPRITE: front gates to this enchanted place are locked DAVESPRITE: no escape is possible until jade falls sound asleep to the crazy array of instrumentation under my wicked plumage DAVESPRITE: on account of being half feathery little bastard DAVESPRITE: but if its any consolation it isnt under my ass because id feel it if it was JOHN: i’ll check back later then. well, you guys enjoy! JADE: thanks john! DAVESPRITE: peace egbert

[nottonyharrison]

I don’t want to jump on @phantom-of-the-keurig​’s ‘is Rex a natural blond’ post because it’s very nonlinear at this point, plus from what I’ve seen I’m very clearly in the minority here, but I do want to share my take on it.

First and foremost, your headcanon is your headcanon and honestly I can take it either way in fic however

There are 3 core reasons I prefer the Rex Dyes His Hair theory

It’s (debatably) canon and definitely Legends canon

Apart from his armor and helmet, Rex doesn’t really have anything identifying beyond the scar on his chin, so dying his hair blond in such an admittedly extra manner is a way for him to express his individualism beyond his hardshell, that doesn’t involve a souvenir from an injury.

It’s just fucking funny to think about him coming back after a long campaign with black regrowth

‘Oh but it’s so high maintenance and his hair would fall out if he kept it that short and bleached it all the time’

Nah, mate. Been there done that myself and trust me, it’s both a) easy to do (especially if you’ve got a super convenient gffa grooming droid because LBR there’s no way pre-S7 Kix’s zigzags were so immaculate all the time without one) and b) your hair does not fall out unless it’s already super fragile. When your natural hair colour is black and it’s so tough and wiry you’d need to give it five bleach jobs in a row to even get it to look that fried, and when it’s buzzed you’re always shaving off the really damaged stuff. Again, speaking from experience.

(I also lowkey HC that as they really started running out of Jango Juice toward the end there, they started mixing in other human DNA as it became more and more unstable, and that’s why we see cadets with other hair colours but not so much with the older clones)

[holyfuckthisfishcandrive]

Tests and Rice

First, Previous, Ao3

Word count: 1175

Warnings: Blood, Gore, (Food)

Logan watched the blood slowly drip onto the concrete floor. He put the voice recorder up to his mouth.

"Experiment unsuccessful. Subject bleeding strongly from ears, nose, mouth and left pupil," he poked the right leg. It wobbled. "Bones apparently splintered. Will have to take a closer look."

He set the recorder down again.

Slowly he took ahold of the subjects head and pushed it up. The skull moved, losing its shape slightly but he managed to look them in the empty eyes.

"How disappointing. I was honestly hoping this time it'd work. The bones are new but still not what I need."

He sighed and dropped the head.

"At least bone meal has a few uses."

Logan whipped away a splash of blood that had landed on his face and frowned at it. Cleaning all of his equipment would be a pain. He'd found a couple of ways to make it easier over the years but it was still the worst part of his research.

From upstairs he heard the front door fall shut.

"I'm home!" Virgil announced loudly.

Logan took off his bloodied lab coat and the gloves and made his way up the basement stairs, careful not to get any blood on anything.

"You were out late," he remarked as soon as Virgil was in his line of sight. "Did something happen?"

Virgil shook his head. "Mate of mine just needed some help."

He looked up from where he had taken off his shoes and frowned.

"I thought you said you didn't want to take work home anymore?"

Logan glanced down at his hands again. Some blood had leaked through his gloves again. He'd really need to get better ones.

"Sorry. It was just one subject. A failure too. I'll do my best to get rid of him by tomorrow," he promised. "I lost track of time so I didn't prepare anything for dinner but if you're very hungry we could eat out."

"Nah, I'm good," Virgil said. "How about you wash your hands and I check what we have?"

"Alright, then," Logan went on to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

He still wanted to examine the body further so he'd have to get it to a safe house. He knew why Virgil didn't like him conducting his experiments at home and understood it very well, the main reason being police and other people who might find blood, equipment or subjects. Still, having to drag a dead body through the city would suck. Maybe he could ask a thug or someone who owed him a favour to do most of the work for him.

That would certainly make it easier for him.

He washed his hands, wet a towel and used it to clean his face before throwing it in the bloody laundry bin, that was probably a lot bigger than socially acceptable, especially since neither of them had periods.

Virgil was looking through the fridge as he came into the kitchen. He had set out a bag of rice on the counter.

"We still have some leftover meat," he said. "Could mix it with the rice."

"Sounds good to me," Logan shrugged and got out a pot.

"We also still have some spaghetti and tomato sauce but we should probably safe that for your romantic candlelight dinner with Patton," Virgil added.

"Really?" Logan huffed. "For the last time, I might have romantic feelings for Patton but he does not have feelings for me and therefore I will just ignore them."

Virgil booed. "Codswallop! Just fucking elope! You both want to!"

He slammed the fridge shut.

"Confess! Your! Feelings! Or I swear to god I'll go to that flower shop and tell him that you're stupidly in love with him!"

"You will do no such thing," Logan said. opening the rice.

"Then you'll finally confess?"

Logan opened his mouth and closed it again.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship," he finally said.

"Everyone and their mother can tell that you are in love with each other. The only way you'll ruin your friendship is by turning it into a relationship."

Logan focused on food to avoid looking at Virgil.

"Do you really think so?" he finally asked.

"Yes! Fuck, yes!" Virgil yelled. "I've been trying to tell you that for years!"

"Alright," Logan took a deep breath. "I might ask him out for a coffee tomorrow."

"Is this heaven? Did I die?" Logan didn't have to look to see that Virgil was grinning brightly. "I didn't think I'd be allowed in heaven!"

"If there is a heaven, neither of us is getting in," Logan stated.

Virgil chuckled. "I'd rather hang with Lucifer anyway. He seems like a decent bloke."

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes.

"I finished that assignment you gave me, by the way," Virgil said after a while.

"Ah, did you have any problems?"

"Nah, no really."

"Okay, then I'll take a look at it later," Logan promised.

While they ate Logan turned on the news. Sleep and Psyche were at the mall uptown, starting shit while showing off to any and all homophobes in a 100-mile radius that they were gay and in love just like they always did.

"I wonder what they'll pull when they get engaged," Virgil said. "They'll definitely make sure that the entire city knows."

"If Sleep doesn't make everyone hallucinate rainbows for at least the next two weeks he's probably been replaced by a clone," Logan added.

"Two months for homophobes."

"Oh, look, Heartrate has arrived."

"Who's that with him?" Virgil frowned at the two smaller figures. "Does Heartrate have sidekicks now?"

"Looks like it," Logan raised an eyebrow. "And two at the same time, too."

"Maybe there was a sale," Virgil joked. "I wonder what they call themselves."

"I hope they won't be too much of a problem for me," Logan decided to watch the clip later again. Maybe then he could pick up on their different fighting styles. "But maybe I'll be able to do some tests on them. I don't think I've ever used subjects that young."

He nearly bit his tongue. That wasn't exactly true.

"Do you think age will make a difference?" Virgil asked. So he really didn't remember.

"I'm not sure. I won't know until I test it," Logan forced out.

"They're not bad," Virgil said as the sidekicks took down Psyche.

"But they just pissed off Sleep, so they can't be too clever. And they're obviously very inexperienced."

To Logan's disappointment, Heartrate took down Sleep before he could get to either of the teens. It was a bit anticlimactic in his opinion.

The news station switched topics and began talking about some sport he didn't care about, so he switched it off again.

"Do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Logan asked.

"I'm meeting a friend after he's done with school. Other than that not really," Virgil shrugged. "Why?"

"Do you think you could go get groceries?"

"Okay, sure. But you have to tell me how asking Patton out went. I want details."

Next

Taglist:

@patton-cake

[geejaysmith]

On Minkowski’s Weird “I stayed up too late” Personality

check it out everyone, it's time for more Bullshit from Discord but this time with the groupchat

Kat [Yesterday at 8:17 PM] https://mspainttaz.tumblr.com/post/616173308845670400/beginning-of-stolen-century-musta-been-rough alternate explanation for "the cheeses" and why Maxwell won't room with Jacobi anymore

Gill [Yesterday at 8:19 PM] Jacobi: I could go out to the 24hr grocery store right now at 3 am and buy the fanciest fucking cheeses at Hy-Vee and no one could stop me. Maxwell: Please go the fuck to sleep. hm... what does everyone on the Hephaestus do when they can't sleep at 3 AM... what are their weird “i stayed up too late” personalities...

Kat [Yesterday at 8:22 PM] https://tiny-crecher.tumblr.com/post/627965201608802304/i-have-decided-it-is-of-the-utmost-importance-that not necessarily related but Eiffel found the kitkat, minkowski told him not to eat it, Hera somehow made the case for it also we know what Minkowski's 3am stayed up too late personality is, there was a whole episode for it

Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM] oh god that's right that's what that is Minkowski, up too late in season 4, has no Known Threats to build acid traps against, so Lovelace finds her in the mess hall building a Pepe Silvia Conspiracy Wall to Try And Deduce What The Aliens Want

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:23 PM] Haha true And. Yeah probably

Gill [Yesterday at 8:25 PM] Minkowski, aggressively slapping half-scribbled notes connected with tape and bits of string: The aliens want us to go SURFING, it's the ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE Lovelace, sipping a protein shake and nodding along because neither of them are getting any decent sleep tonight and this is the most interesting thing to happen this week

Gill [Yesterday at 8:29 PM] Eiffel, at the "so does anyone have any ideas" meeting the next morning: you two like you had a... productive evening Lovelace: We narrowed it down. Whatever the aliens want, it's either about surfing or something involving an interspecies mating ritual that may or may not entail actual human sacrifice.

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:33 PM] Eiffel maybe: ......well mark me down as scared and horny

Gill [Yesterday at 8:34 PM] Minkowski, after the end of Dirty Work when they're looking for Eiffel in the void of space (again): Dear god, I hope we're right about the surfing and wrong about the human sacrifice. Lovelace, later on, once Eiffel's back and they've escaped from Cutter and company and they need anything to talk about but the insane odds in front of them: So. Aliens. Eiffel: Yes. Aliens. Lovelace: You met some. Eiffel: Yeah, and the surfing theory wasn't... exactly off-base, per say... Lovelace: ...and? Eiffel: ..........And? Lovelace: Look, just get it out there and get it over with: did you fuck an alien? Eiffel: Oh, that. No. Lovelace: Right, right. You hear that Minkowski? You owe me Starbucks when we get back to Earth!

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:42 PM] haha Minkowski: damn it but also thank god

Kat [Yesterday at 8:42 PM] Eiffel: I mean. I guess theoretically they are fuckable? But since it looked like me, no thanks.

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:43 PM] Eiffel realizing he talked big game in the Would You Fuck Your Clone banned dinner debate but now actually faced with the possibility is realizing he is way more of a weenie about that than he thought he would be Everyone learning deep truths about themselves

Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM] Eiffel: You had a bet going over whether or not I'd fuck the aliens?? Minkowski: Well, not exactly... be fair, Lovelace. What were the exact terms of our wager? Lovelace: /sigh, fine. See, I jokingly tossed out an innuendo about how they were waiting for you to "get together and feel alright" and Minkowski took no time at all to turn that into the whole human-sacrifice-coitus thing, which, granted, it was 4 AM and she was on a bender fueled by nothing but caffeine and Astronaut Kibble, so really, that's my fault. But the point is, she was certain that if it was a sex thing? And if it was for the good of the crew, if not the whole of the planet Earth and all life on it? You'd do it. Minkowski: You also might just do it because they offered. Lovelace: Right, and I said, "no way, you saw him freak out when I did the whole- /handwaving to represent the Avatar state/ right? This all scares the hell out of him!" And then added, "if you're right, but he doesn't fuck the aliens, when we get back to Earth, I'm going to stroll into the nearest Starbucks and order something with enough sugar in it to send me into hyperglycemic shock, and you're gonna pay the tab for it." Minkowski: Right, but Eiffel didn't say definitively whether or not it was a sex thing, which left one of the terms unfulfilled. Lovelace: But he implied that it wasn’t a sex thing in the first place, which invalidates the whole first premise, but in the end, he still didn't fuck the aliens! So I'm still more right than you are. Minkowski: Eiffel, did or did not the Dear Listeners- Eiffel: Commander, what the hell made you so sure I'd be down for the microgravity mambo with an extraterrestrial!? Minkowski: Easy. You're a B answer.

agentartemis [Yesterday at 8:59 PM] you truly never live down a B answer, huh

Kat [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] filed under: discord chat concepts that took on a life of their own

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] Hahahaha

Kat [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] that one was also my fault

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:02 PM] it makes me laugh every time so it's canon in my heart thank u

Gill [Yesterday at 9:05 PM] Eiffel: Yeah-!! Well- that was before we actually found any aliens. At the time I was assuming less "all-powerful incorporeal voice-stealing force" and more blue alien chicks from Star Wars, you know?? Or Darth Maul. God, Darth Maul was the best thing about Phantom Menace... Lovelace: Undergoing some self-reflection, are we? Eiffel: Yeah... and now that I think about it, I don't think I'm the only one. Isn't that right, Minkowski? Or should I say, Commander D-Answer? Minkowski, eyes narrowing: What're you getting at? Eiffel: I haven't heard a word of skepticism about the whole thing since Lovelace turned up! And you jumped on the "intergalactic transmissions and chill" idea pretty quickly from the sound of it... Jacobi: Holy shit can we just break into Pryce's lab and get this over with already I want out of this conversation

Kat [Yesterday at 9:06 PM] Are you insinuating you'd fuck Darth Maul

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] I am absolutely willing to believe Eiffel would fuck Darth Maul

Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] look I needed an alien dude who wasn't just White Guy From Another Planet and that was the first thing that came to mind

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] Same whispers admiral ackbar

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:07 PM] Nah Eiffel's a normie

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] Yea you're right

Gill [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] Ok, Phantom Menace came out in May of '99, Eiffel was born in '82, he would've been 16 and a half

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] NOT A FURRY EITHER or else...

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] He talks big about a wide variety of pop culture geek stuff but he has very normie tastes when you get down to it

Gill [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] and possibly still in the kind of Goth phase that would've been receptive to Shadow The Edgehog Evil Jedi

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] LOL

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:08 PM] hahaha good take

Kat [Yesterday at 9:09 PM] it's true his pop culture lexicon is pretty normie Gabriel is this a reflection on you

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM] as someone who follows the man on Twitter: probably, yeah

Kinsey [Yesterday at 9:10 PM] We have to make our own food With homestuck Eiffel

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM] there are Homestucks on that station and if anyone tries to tell me otherwise I will face god and walk backwards into hell

agentartemis [Yesterday at 9:11 PM] hahaha they lurk

Gill [Yesterday at 9:11 PM] semi-related because I was speculating about Teen Eiffel's Taste In Men and this comic came up on my Tumblr dash https://werewolf-boi.tumblr.com/post/628109055176605696/reparrishcomics-facebook-twitter-instagram</p>

[punkscowardschampions]

Casey & Janis Pt.1

Casey: [Okay so him seeing her lowkey flirting with the lifeguard Jimothy clone from her bad date back in the day on socials]

Casey: Well done at proving me dead wrong

Casey: hang on, nah, you actually never

Janis: And am I meant to know what you’re going on about or

Casey: lie to my face again that it ain’t about him when you’re trying to fuck another dickhead who could be his brother now

Janis: Oh, that

Janis: can’t help having a type, he’s not his brother so, bonus, surely

Casey: that’s alright then, like, you crack on being a sad slut, don’t let me or the fact you’ve got a husband stop you

Janis: what makes you think you can chat to me like that

Janis: never mind your concern for him, bit fucking late in the day to start caring about him, ain’t it

Casey: what, you’re the only one who can do as they like, are you

Janis: no, by all means you crack on

Janis: you two repairing your relationship when I’m out the picture is probably the best outcome I can imagine so

Casey: if he’s doing nowt for your imagination at this point, love, I’d piss off and find another lookalike, but that’s just me 

Janis: none of your concern what he is or isn’t doing

Janis: but tah, I’ll go ahead and hit up Ian for his relationship advice next, if I’m really scraping the barrel like that

Casey: I get it, you’re after being called worse than I have done

Janis: you wanna pretend I like it to make yourself feel better, need to keep trying to hate me properly

Casey: I’ll make myself feel better by tracking that dickhead down in person, no need for you to concern yourself

Janis: No, you won’t

Casey: doubt he’ll put it about all over socials but maybe he’ll let you have a look if he’s into the nursing bollocks an’ all

Janis: he’s harmless, and nothing to do with how pissed off you are

Casey: no shit, that’s your type

Casey: I dunno what makes you think I’d give a fuck though

Casey: don’t get no more harmless than your husband and I’ve smacked him plenty of times

Janis: your issues with me, you beating up this kid won’t stop me fucking him if I want

Casey: I’ll hurt him bad enough that he can’t, not for ages anyway

Janis: why you so concerned with his sex life

Janis: it’s not enough you insist I’m celibate 

Casey: mate, that threesome ain’t happening, he’s your type not mine

Janis: I’ve not developed amnesia since our last little chat

Casey: only the depression and nymphomania, is it

Janis: fucking hell, I’ve not even given him my number

Janis: how do you know we’re not just chatting

Casey: I’m not thick, and I ain’t developed none of my own memory loss

Janis: what do you want, screenshots

Janis: said you didn’t fancy him but

Casey: piss off, he couldn’t pull you working together as horny teenagers, when the bar couldn’t have been lower, why would he have owt worth screenshotting nowadays

Janis: well I should’ve

Janis: you really want reminding the only reason I didn’t was Jimmy

Casey: I don’t need reminding, you do

Janis: you seriously take the piss

Janis: when it was you, I should leave him

Janis: now you wanna save my marriage for me, give me a break

Casey: fuck that, you should still leave him

Casey: be nice if you did before you let that lad fuck you is all I’m saying

Janis: stop telling me what to do

Janis: be alright once the divorce papers come through, will it, send me a congrats then

Casey: or what, you’ll keep doing sod all but crying while you threaten to actually do something yourself

Casey: for the divorce papers to come through you’d have to have and sign them, like

Janis: I am doing something

Janis: and you’re threatening to defend your brother’s honour about it

Casey: It ain’t a threat, you do it, I’ll do it

Janis: you’re ridiculous

Casey: that’s you

Casey: if you want it over stop being a pussy and pack your fucking bags, but nah, you’re playing games

Janis: and what

Janis: what if that’s exactly what I want to do

Casey: how about you stop using people, we’re all just a walking sex toy to you, him, me and now this dickhead

Janis: that’s a fucking laugh, let’s hope he ain’t defficient as well

Janis: you’re such a hypocrite, that’s all any girl is to you, that’s what every other cunt does but no, I’m not allowed

Casey: what’s a laugh is you not bothering to wait to let the kid out before you’re sorting out having him in 

Casey: it were you giving it the big speech about trying so you didn’t end up a shit single mum like you had

Janis: yeah well I give up

Janis: what’s the point

Casey: I dunno what the point is in me telling you for whatever number time this is that she’s meant to be the point, you selfish bitch

Casey: can’t even do it better while she’s in you

Janis: not your baby, not your problem

Janis: fucking get over it

Casey: lucky for you, if he had any balls you’d have such a problem right now, girl

Janis: we’re all gutted

Casey: yeah, never met a lass who could do with being put in her place as much as you

Janis: here we go, don’t bother, seriously

Casey: alright, I’ll twin with you on giving up, for old time’s sake

Janis: I mean parroting shit you’ve heard your dad say and thinking I’ll be convinced

Casey: you’re convinced by nothing, you don’t care about no one but yourself

Janis: yeah, that’s me

Casey: least you know, took me fucking ages to work out

Janis: you ain’t the last to know

Casey: he wouldn’t know it if you fucked the lad right there in front of him, still tell himself you’d done nowt wrong

Janis: be why we’re so perfect together

Janis: but I don’t need to take those kind of bullshit plays from [uni gf] thanks

Casey: When’s your date, I’ll make my own to go see her, can both piss about down memory lane

Janis: n’awh

Janis: you’re alright, I don’t need to think about you no more

Casey: proud of you, babe

Janis: should be proud of yourself

Casey: bit busy crossing my fingers he can get it up for you so you don’t have to think about me no more, can’t have that be another threat you don’t follow through with

Janis: you really wanna make me say I’m not worried about that so you can call me stuck up, add it to your list

Janis: it’s not like it’s difficult

Casey: I know it ain’t, that’s why if I were gonna say owt it’d be something more like desperate, less of a bighead move

Janis: you’ve already used that one

Janis: guess it didn’t hit the way you thought it would

Casey: either it really needed repeating or my vocabulary just ain’t all that, take your pick

Janis: I’m a desperate slut and a selfish bitch, there you go, happy?

Casey: it’s who you are, nothing to do with me, ask yourself if you’re happy about it

Janis: alright [school counsellor’s name] no one asked for you to chime in

Casey: loads too late to count it out and calm down

Janis: Good

Casey: feels it, yeah, don’t need to tell me

Janis: could feel better but

Casey: Give him your number and a ring, see what you can do

Janis: great as I am

Casey: top phone voice

Janis: I’d rather just touch this one

Casey: sure he’ll be chuffed to bits

Janis: say that’s obvious

Janis: do have the whole husband and baby working against me

Casey: he didn’t sound that put off to me

Janis: lovely if he’s a selfish cunt too

Casey: having shit in common does mean that much to you, yeah

Janis: you’re right, probably another habit to break

Casey: dead romantic you wanna spare his legs by giving that a go

Janis: if you still wanna be special, you just have to ask

Casey: you wanna be my type, that’s what this is, soz but you’re gonna have to fuck about a bit more, probably leave it til you can have a drink too

Janis: why would I wanna be just like something you fuck to stop yourself thinking about me

Casey: I dunno, you’re the one halfway there already, like

Casey: I’ll see you hanging about the club next trying to pick up any and every dark haired lad there is in

Janis: if that’s really the best you can do fantasy wise, you’ve really let yourself down as well as me 

Casey: I don’t make my fantasies public, leave that to you and your insta feed

Janis: boring

Casey: yeah, that’s me

Janis: at least you know

Janis: wasted enough of my time faking otherwise

Casey: what you still doing here having this little chat then

Janis: guess

Casey: I don’t have to, you can’t fake it for him without this giving you a hand, obvious enough

Janis: and you’re just gonna let yourself be used like that

Janis: I doubt it

Casey: only time you feel something, I remember

Casey: just the kind of mate I am

Janis: no need to pretend you’re my mate

Casey: *kind of mate I was 

Casey: habits, what were it you said

Janis: If only you hated me as much as you’re fronting, this could actually work for the both of us

Casey: sounds like letting myself be used

Janis: I get it, what you liked about me was that I would never let you

Janis: sorry I ruined it

Casey: What I loved about you was a massive list 

Casey: but ruined now is right

Janis: can’t just let me be a bitch in peace

Janis: you have to make it real

Casey: it is real, dickhead

Janis: I need none of it to be real

Casey: and maybe he’ll give you that, worked out great for you living in the fucking past with Jim, so why the fuck not

Janis: it would change everything

Janis: if I’d done it differently then

Casey: hang on, I’ll crack on making you a time machine, be about right as you reckon I and every other lad you fancy is your little bitch

Janis: says more about your fucked up head than mine

Janis: the amount of shit I’ve done for you both, just fucking ‘cos

Janis: don’t see me rushing to act like a put-upon twat about it, grow up, you did what you wanted to do, if that was ‘cos you wanted to touch me up it’s your own problem

Casey: do I not, ‘cause from here a put upon twat is what you’re acting like 

Casey: poor you, he won’t touch you up no more and I’ve never, that lad’ll have to do far as stopping you topping yourself 

Janis: right, ‘cos your whole bit ain’t I picked Jim and fucked you up forever

Janis: and he don’t fucking love me, it’s fuck all to do with sex

Casey: don’t flatter yourself, my life and head was fucked before I even met you, girl

Casey: shit not being loved though, give you that

Janis: what’s the point, can’t even commiserate properly

Casey: Have your new boyfriend do it

Janis: glorified children’s entertainer is your job, not his

Casey: go on, what’s he do, what car’s he drive, how MASSIVE is his mortgage, you’re obviously proper keen to tell me all about it

Casey: such a grown up man, yeah

Janis: you deffo like blokes

Janis: as if I’m asking him ‘bout his life, how’s he gonna and you that when we’re ignoring the elephant under my top

Casey: it’s you bringing up his job like I give a shit

Janis: I was saying make me a drink before I forget what a shot is supposed to be

Casey: you couldn’t pay me enough to do you a favour right now so I’d make your own rather than waiting if I was you

Janis: fuck you when it’s deformed then, prick

Casey: what a sob story, you’ll never have to bother sorting your head out, can just keep on wallowing in how shit your life is for the rest of it

Casey: Ian’ll marry you soon as the ink’s dry on that divorce and when you go missing an’ all I won’t have to fucking deal with none of this bollocks no more

Janis: If that’s what you want

Casey: I’ll say bye now then, while I’ve still chance to get one in, know what he’s like

Janis: alright leave it, it’s gone far enough

Casey: ‘course you get to say how far it goes, why bother breaking that habit of a lifetime

Janis: you ain’t gonna hurt me talking about your parents

Casey: I ain’t gonna hurt you talking about anything, given up, you

Janis: why, why do you have to always make me look pathetic

Janis: tell you that I haven’t, despite how utterly pointless keeping going with any of this is

Casey: if you reckon you look pathetic that ain’t my fault or problem, it’s yours

Janis: you keep pushing and pushing and don’t just take me at my word

Casey: you talk total bollocks, I’m not gonna take that, tah

Janis: everything would be so much easier if you did

Casey: I’m not here to make your life easier, how many times

Janis: your life, how many times

Casey: who gives a shit about mine

Janis: me, dickhead

Casey: be in prison when your boyfriend shops me, what’s easier than having fuck all say and being locked up most the hours out of 24

Janis: I get it

Janis: and you’d do great in prison but how am I meant to stop having homo fantasies that way

Casey: you’re not, make your life worth living, won’t it

Janis: not taking that as a parting gift

Janis: I’ll turn up every week and you won’t see me so I’ll start visiting whatever dickhead fancies it, let my daddy issues really fly

Casey: can bring the kid, she’ll have her own one day, might as well get a head start

Janis: can’t leave it at home, frowned upon

Janis: window shop for a new one, where better

Casey: there you go then, that’s all of us sorted

Janis: I’m not going to fuck him, alright

Janis: moments passed

Casey: I could still hit him, if you fancy watching let me know

Janis: yeah, probably

Janis: poor lad

Casey: twice you’ve binned him off now

Janis: alright, you’ve had your chance to make me feel like a piece of shit

Janis: give him his, literally the least I could do

Casey: alright, I’ll ring you when the garda gives us my phone back, let you know how it went

Janis: stop it

Janis: you have to vaguely behave or you can’t lecture me without being a massive hypocrite about it

Casey: can’t even spell the word, love, why would I care

Janis: you don’t lie, or like to

Casey: yeah well, like you less at the minute

Janis: okay

Casey: 👌 

Janis: can’t you call me a selfish slut again instead

Casey: not if you’re gonna start getting into it, nah

Janis: no, just better than that

Casey: I don’t wanna talk to you, I wanna kick the shit out of someone

Janis: yeah

Janis: saying sorry ain’t going to make you want to less so

Janis: pick someone who deserves it

Casey: you really do fancy Ian, I get it

Janis: I don’t think I fancy anyone out of your bloodline, sadly

Janis: and as sadly I can’t kick the shit out of anyone so you may as well pick right and do it twice as hard

Casey: bit rude of you not to fancy me now you’ve got a grown up boyfriend

Casey: but alright, I’ll go see [uni gf] how I said, know you’d love to beat her up if you could do

Janis: awkward I meant the opposite of how that sounded actually, don’t have to rule out my disappearance if it’s still what would sort your head

Janis: have to overlook a few things but see what I can do

Janis: you won’t actually, will you, just find a dickhead at the club, yeah

Casey: what you trying to get me sacked from my job for, just ‘cause I wouldn’t make you a drink

Janis: was mean to cut me off like that desperate case at the bar, yeah

Casey: I hate that my name’s a word, sounds like you were giving me a dickhead nickname

Janis: oops, soz

Janis: get it, sounds fun when you say it in your accent

Janis: I’m not getting slighted unless there’s a really cunty old lady about

Casey: right pisstake when you had to take the bus everywhere

Janis: could’ve been my only mates if they weren’t racist, story of my life

Janis: the ones that can’t see so good just think it’s the 80s and I’ve got a nice perm though

Casey: you have got a nice perm, I’ve always rated it

Janis: thanks, like, takes ages

Casey: only being nice so you’ll have to be about the hole in the wall but

Janis: well, Twix fucked that deposit ‘fore she pegged it 

Janis: don’t worry about it

Casey: 👍

Janis: I wish you hadn’t seen it

Casey: Now you do maybe, you’d have done it all in private if you hadn’t ever wanted me to

Janis: he did comment first but alright, fair enough

Casey: on what you posted

Janis: was hardly a thirst trap

Casey: want a medal for not being THAT blatant, do you

Janis: if the people want a #bumpupdate who am I to refuse

Casey: you refused to let your mum touch it

Janis: yeah well she was the kinda shit i’m gonna turn into, don’t be too gutted for her, right

Casey: only pointing out you’ve got no issue being mardy when you ain’t getting chatted up for it

Janis: slut, I remember

Casey: don’t forget and I won’t have to go repeating myself

Janis: fine with me, yeah

Casey: I’d make it up to you with a drink but it’d only pickle the kid and she’s done nowt to me

Janis: good of her

Casey: yeah, gutted we can’t still be mates

Casey: hopefully when she fights her way out that’ll change

Janis: don’t see why not

Janis: craic will be as shit ‘til she can support her own head 

Casey: I’ll support her head, that kind of mate

Janis: 😒

Casey: what’s that face for

Janis: blatant jealousy, obviously

Casey: 😏

Casey: I should’ve said tell her I miss her, get you going proper

Janis: get you a 😣 instead

Casey: I’m gonna get us walkie talkies and make you walk about with it strapped to you, leave you out of every convo we have

Janis: oh 🥺

Casey: dunno though, they’re not that good, are they, she might not hear me in there, have to be a phone probably

Janis: I saw her foot, the other day

Janis: might wanna facetime her

Casey: What do you mean, how

Janis: sometimes she sort of pokes out, you can see

Janis: it’s really weird, I video’d it, if you really want to see it

Casey: are you taking the piss

Janis: nah, I’m serious

Casey: why’s she doing that, I will have to be having a word

Janis: she’s running out of room, fat cow, like

Casey: oi, don’t be a dickhead to her, know how she feels

Janis: yeah

Janis: if you could not kick my vital organs though

Casey: you were asking for it a bit ago but

Janis: too late

Casey: and I can only go so far the other way, verbal abuse and that

Janis: I know

Janis: if you were like that you would’ve done it by now

Casey: feel special 🏆

Casey: I am like that and I have done it

Janis: only like that the once

Janis: and you called right away

Casey: but it got too close then

Casey: I could see myself doing it

Janis: you can see yourself doing all kinds of fucked up shit, you’ve seen enough to put the thoughts in your head for good

Janis: it isn’t you

Casey: I wanted to hurt you, nobody else, me

Janis: of course you did

Janis: I wanted to hurt you

Janis: you haven’t, not like that

Casey: stay away from me, alright

Casey: until I can find somewhere else to live or do get locked up

Janis: Casey

Casey: no, I mean it, just

Janis: I

Janis: I don’t know what to do

Casey: do as you’re told for once

Casey: it’s not safe for me to be round you

Janis: but I don’t believe that

Casey: and when I prove it to you it’ll be too fucking late

Janis: I hate this so much

Casey: yeah, you should hate me

Janis: I don’t, I won’t

Janis: I’ll stay away but you can’t make me 

Casey: we both know I could, there’s too many fucked up things I could do, easy as any other dickhead does whatever everyday shit they’re bothering with right now

Janis: and all I’ve ever done is love you

Janis: not like a doormat, ‘cos all you do is stop yourself doing the worst, I know how that feels, when my instinct is to go for the throat ‘til no fucker comes near

Casey: Maybe we dunno how to love anyone

Janis: no, that can’t be true

Casey: he don’t love you and you did nowt wrong, you gave him everything he wanted

Janis: its just a breakdown, its not him

Janis: its not me

Casey: and this is just anger, it’s still me who’s doing what I end up doing, me who has to live with it

Janis: I thought you cared about the baby

Janis: you know I can’t afford to think like that now, we have to love it

Janis: if you want that stop saying this right now

Casey: the way I care isn’t right, I have to stop being about

Janis: but the thought of you being gone kills me

Casey: she needs shit to be stable, I can’t give anyone that

Janis: she just needs people to give a shit, that’s all anyone needs

Casey: she’ll be scared of me, I can’t fucking do it

Janis: I can’t tell you to go, or that I want you to or it’s okay so you’re going to just have to

Casey: okay, before she’s here I’ll be gone

Janis: I already miss you

Casey: Don’t, or I’ll only have to make you not do that too

Janis: I can’t help it

Casey: I’ll think of something then, that kind of bastard, like

Janis: no

Casey: stop caring about me or I’ll stop you

Janis: do you hate me?

Casey: that don’t matter, you said it, it’s gone far enough

Janis: do you miss me?

Casey: you heard

Janis: do you still care about me?

Casey: I’ll not tell you again

Janis: I’m not giving up

Casey: on me you are

Janis: never

Casey: challenge accepted

Janis: don’t hurt yourself

Casey: come on, it’s never me getting hurt, know how not to fight fair, just like him

Janis: beg to differ

Casey: you can beg all you like, I’m not gonna be getting mad at that

Janis: can make myself look as stupid and pathetic as you like

Casey: you’re alright, I don’t, not my type

Janis: what else

Casey: leave it out

Janis: anything but that, like

Casey: you’ll live

Janis: you don’t know that

Casey: yeah I do, for her if nowt else

Janis: I don’t wanna stay like this

Casey: you won’t, you’ll meet her and everything’ll change, be so chuffed to have her, you’ll forget all about me

Janis: babies aren’t miracles, this isn’t church

Casey: can’t ever let me be right, you

Casey: it’s science not religion anyway

Janis: not when you’re chatting bollocks, nah

Janis: how long for I drown it in the tub, be a safer bet, so you reckoned

Casey: I chat bollocks, you just said that, fuck what I reckoned

Janis: she’s not a fucking pill that’s gonna sort his head or get you from mine, it’s just family

Janis: another person to look after, another person to give a shit about, don’t say it’ll be the making of me like I’m a pregnant teen and we’re making the best here

Casey: I’m saying your hormones’ll go mad, that’s it

Casey: it’s you being dramatic and bringing your religious fantasies into it

Janis: yeah well I watched black narcissus instead of one flew over the cuckoo’s nest and it was boring as fuck

Casey: you should’ve done [idk, some nun porn, that’s not my forte]

Janis: you encouraging my religious fantasies or nah

Casey: I encourage all your fantasies that don’t include your husband or boyfriend, obviously

Janis: I told him to fuck off ages ago so hopefully he’s as clued up on all his hormones, like

Casey: he’ll be off watching [some pregnancy porn that of course you have]

Janis: could’ve left his recs on the way out

Casey: I’ll leave mine on the way out, there’s your parting gift and it’ll keep giving

Janis: not that easily distracted or fooled

Janis: unlucky I’m only a fake slut, dickhead

Casey: still, you’ll need something to do

Janis: I’ll be busy finding you

Casey: in your dreams, babe, how’s that

Janis: 😡

Janis: in person, you can’t hide

Casey: ‘course I can, you’ll not be able to fit nowhere to have a look if she keeps growing and chucking her feet about

Janis: then I’ll send her in, like a canary down a mine

Casey: bit racist of a thing to say there, mate

Janis: worked it out, comes from love really, that’s comforting

Janis: better keep her feet the right way ‘round or she’s gonna need a proper talking to

Casey: I can’t believe that’s real, her just popping out as she fancies

Janis: good way to kill some time, watching her, did an elbow too, fuck knows what she’s playing at

Casey: didn’t even have to teach her, fucking natural at having a go

Janis: she knows you don’t like me no more and she’s trying get your attention, obvs

Casey: put her on, she can have a sec

Janis: [facetime from this bump]

Casey: [literally just being like ‘so go on, what’ve you got to say for yourself?’ @ this bub and doing nods and yeahs etc like he’s listening]

Janis: [just rubbing and tapping etc on this bump ‘cos sometimes they interact with touch as well as sound like give you a shot girl, say your piece]

Casey: [‘easy to be brave when I weren’t on the other end of the phone, wasn’t it?’ cos you’re not throwing elbows now bub lol ‘now you’re hearing this voice, and what, you’ve gone quiet’ thinking about when he drunkenly said to Janis she’d gone quiet, goodbye]

Janis: [making a little amused noise in the background but we’re genuinely trying very hard to not interact to be fair also I’m sure we’ve been sobbing so you know, no need to show you that]

Casey: [‘be easier to piss off now, seeing as you don’t miss me, little girl’ like it’s bants of how dare you and excuse you but we’re all just sad about it]

Janis: [the way I’m like you better kick bitch lmao, she clearly is just not dramatically so rn ‘you’d feel it if you was here’ quietly but we must]

Casey: [the way I want him to bowl up into whatever room she’s in rn but he must not ‘you are kicking for me then’ like oh okay]

Janis: [ikr lmao, I’m like soz just leave now, we all know what we’re doing here, what’s the charade but anyway; move the phone up and down like a nod]

Casey: [‘I miss you too’ so soft at this bub cos he do, Imma cry]

Janis: [I already did and I’m not even hormonal like you or my boo gal; we’re putting our hand on our bump very however he first did in the car and then raising it like we’re asking when you gonna come see us again]

Casey: [‘don’t worry, I promise to come and see you before I go, gotta say bye, don’t I, you’ll only be fucked up as me, else’ when your mum didn’t say goodbye and you’re never over it]

Janis: [truly idk how well any of this would read but putting our hand to the bump then out like we’re blowing kisses then holding the phone fully on the bump like a hug]

Casey: [‘tah, you’ll have to promise not to turn into a dickhead like the rest when you get out of there’ cos ILY don’t change you supportive queen]

Janis: [🤞 on this bump]

Casey: [‘maybe I can ring you from wherever the fuck I am’ like that’ll help you stay cool gal ‘til you do come out at least’ cos then we gotta run is the vibe and not get any more attached]

Janis: [do a little happy shake like oh yes and does the 🤙 like call me beep me if you wanna reach me]

Casey: [‘alright, best behaviour til then, both of us, yeah?’ and putting this phone down but only for now, cos we will be back to be your bestie and 2nd father baby Jac, don’t you worry]

Janis: thanks for that

Janis: she might give the karate kid bit a break now

Casey: You’re welcome

Janis: she won’t shut up now

Casey: soz, I didn’t think of you getting no peace for a bit now

Janis: it’s pretty cute

Janis: though rubbing it in that she’s got more mates than me, fair craic is fair craic end of the day

Casey: would be a rule of being my mate if I made any

Janis: could have a go, she’s pretty keen on you

Janis: have to let her add some herself though

Casey: you know me, can’t hack ‘em, they’d never stick, even if I wanted ‘em to

Janis: she might be well serious, keep you in line

Casey: I dunno about that

Janis: you don’t reckon she is

Casey: gonna be able to keep me in line, nah

Janis: 😏

Janis: what was it you said about being brave

Casey: what did I say, weren’t meant to be listening, you

Janis: she’s rubbing it in, I told you

Janis: swear I never

Casey: 😏

Janis: alright a 🤏 but my headphones weren’t nearby

Casey: I get it, you’re having a turn of rubbing it in

Casey: you don’t need them ‘cause I’ve been too busy with your dating life to get into any lass’ inbox

Janis: sure it doesn’t take you long

Janis: now that I’m safely back off to the convent

Casey: they come to me, never had to make the 1st move, not about to start today

Janis: alright show-off

Janis: my dms are a minefield of weirdos who’ve seen me on billboards, cba to start going through ‘em now

Casey: good, you’re not allowed

Janis: money for the feet pics would put her through uni but I’ll give ‘em my sister’s @ 

Janis: make her richer, fuck’s sake

Casey: She’ll be too smart for uni anyway

Janis: she can do whatever she wants

Casey: yeah, if she fancies pissing about at the parties or living in halls with other dickheads and all that I’ll not stop her, but it don’t change the fact there’ll be fuck all they can teach her she won’t know

Janis: sounds about right to me

Casey: and she can still ring me even if she’s further than [whatever town uni gf is in]

Janis: of course, what girl that age don’t have the most to say

Casey: I’ll pick her up if it’s late as [whatever time he made Jimothy come and get him] without being fuming, she’ll be after keeping me on side

Janis: anytime anywhere?

Janis: must be best mates, you two

Casey: too right

Janis: lucky

Casey: yeah I know I am, but if I go about it you’ll not have a chance of pushing her massive head out

Janis: appreciate it, even though I don’t you thinking about that

Casey: alright, I’ll pretend I don’t

Janis: you can’t be more scared about my labour than I am

Casey: competition, is it

Janis: that’s the least scary part, is what it is

Casey: don’t mean it’s not, a bit less than loads is still loads

Janis: I’ll be alright

Janis: well tough, me

Casey: They take the piss at that hospital, just took my word for it I were alright

Janis: you should’ve let them check you over

Janis: good thing you ain’t got internal bleeding

Casey: bit busy trying to get any dickhead to do their job for you and her

Janis: I can’t remember but I remember that 

Casey: you was out of it

Janis: I know, it’s stupid

Casey: I thought you might’ve smacked your head but they said nah when they bothered to do owt

Janis: soz, should’ve just told you it was bullshit emotional nonsense but words weren’t coming out

Casey: don’t matter, ages ago now, like

Janis: guess so

Casey: what

Janis: you handled that well, I lost my shit so

Janis: thanks for being there

Casey: I wasn’t just gonna piss off and leave you, you needed looking after, could be there waiting to be seen still now state of that A&E

Janis: she’ll come on a quiet day, best behaviour, like

Casey: and he’d never have got there however long, be crying in the carpark circling for a space or some bollocks

Janis: I’m glad it was you there, already said as much

Janis: not glad I made that much of a tit out of myself in the first place but whatever, karma probably

Casey: bit awkward I’m a better driver than you when you’re the dickhead who should’ve taught me in the first place, old and boring as you are

Janis: nice try, blatant driving instructor porn ref

Janis: gotta be way more niche than that

Janis: and you were meant to tell me to pull over so who’s actually the worse driver

Casey: you can’t just pull over whenever you feel like it, you’d know that if you were any kind of decent driver

Janis: think you find I proved you can

Casey: could’ve killed me if Ian’s lucky boot in had meant I couldn’t have my seatbelt on’s what I think, dickhead

Janis: I remember apologising profusely at the time

Janis: can’t keep saying soz for almost killing you, can I

Casey: probably not, way you’re always at it

Janis: 😖 oi

Casey: what, it’s my life pissing about by a thread all the time

Janis: you’re begging to be nursed right now but you won’t let me, it’s very rude, you know it’s my passion

Casey: If I were begging you’d know about it

Janis: are you trying to make me feel bad or turn me on

Casey: how do you feel

Janis: honestly, bit of both

Janis: trying not to treat you like a sex object though so

Casey: it is my passion to one-up that dickhead from the pool though so

Janis: barely have to try

Casey: never did, he were piss easy to wind up back then, threat of a cannonball and he’d be fuming

Janis: 🤣

Janis: be gutted if he tried to save you from drowning instead of me

Casey: he’d be getting drowned if he tried to touch me, bloody pervert

Janis: now you’re making me laugh

Casey: seen him in them shorts enough, something wrong with you if you’re wearing ‘em that length as a lad

Janis: that uniform was dubious, can’t lie

Janis: fuck knows who was running that place, another pervert, obviously

Casey: couldn’t move for nonces, you

Janis: hard life being so cute

Casey: you are and was that

Janis: twinning for old time’s sake

Casey: Nah, not right now, fuck knows what you’d say if you saw state of me

Janis: I’m sure I’d feel bad

Janis: said you knew how to not get hurt

Casey: means I know how to an’ all, if that’s the plan

Janis: Casey

Casey: sometimes I need putting in my place too, you could ask Ian or Debbie if either of them was about for a chat

Janis: fuck that

Janis: how hurt are you

Casey: we’re still chatting, ain’t we, there’s your answer

Janis: okay

Janis: I’ll have to keep annoying you so I don’t worry then

Casey: calmed me down a bit, having her to talk to, have to give her that credit

Janis: well she’s always ready to talk to you

Casey: can’t be scaring the shit out of her all bloody and that, less cute when you ain’t floating about inside someone

Janis: you’re unavoidably cute

Casey: yeah, soz, can’t move for me either, can you

Janis: wish you was here in my way

Casey: you don’t

Janis: do, even though that pisses you off

Casey: you do even though I’ve said not to

Janis: I told you I couldn’t not

Casey: and I told you I’ll sort that

Janis: and you told me you support me thinking about anything that ain’t them, I’m doing that one at least

Casey: powerless against your nursing kink, am I

Janis: right now, but once you let me sort you out you’ll be back to your usual self

Casey: my usual self who can’t be in the same room as you

Janis: won’t be

Casey: I said can’t ‘cause I meant can’t

Janis: fine, that self

Casey: Just

Casey: why do you have to be such a

Janis: I don’t know

Janis: it’s not like I mean to it’s just

Casey: you know how much I wanna be there

Janis: I want wanting it to be enough

Janis: but it ain’t, is it

Casey: I dunno what else I can say that I’ve not already

Janis: I want you to be happy, you know

Casey: yeah, so I’m hurting you before I’ve even done nowt else

Janis: you know what you need

Casey: you about to diagnose me or what

Janis: sounds like you know

Janis: I’ve got it all wrong

Casey: long as it sounds like I’ve got a clue what the fuck I’m doing

Janis: 🤏

Casey: tah for that, I’ll keep on then

Janis: I can’t tell you what I think any more than I have, only being selfish 

Casey: right

Janis: I’ll just 

Janis: keep missing you

Casey: Janis

Janis: you think you’re gonna sort it, let me ‘til then at least

Janis: come on

Casey: fuck’s sake, alright

Janis: 😌

Janis: thank you

Casey: You’re so 

Janis: annoying?

Janis: I did warn you I’d have to

Casey: no

Janis: hmm, give me a clue

Casey: not annoying

Janis: a massive bitch?

Casey: you’re going in the wrong direction

Janis: hotter, got it

Janis: what about… cute, but we already covered that

Casey: it’ll do

Janis: nuuh, I wanna know exactly what word you didn’t type

Casey: what if there’s too many to type

Janis: even better

Janis: what if I’m fighting the urge to go in your room right now

Casey: it’s your house, can go where you like and do what you like

Janis: I just wanna know if your bed smells the same as it did 

Casey: it smelled like you for a bit, how your hair does

Janis: I smelled like you for a bit, I didn’t wanna shower that day but

Casey: you don’t have to now

Janis: you aren’t drunk yet, are you

Casey: I’ll remember everything

Janis: okay, I’ll do it, it might feel like being close to you, a bit

Casey: go lie down and tell me how you feel

Janis: how can this have me feeling like this already

Janis: I’m just gonna wrap myself up in your duvet so I can only breathe you

Casey: I just wanna hold you that tight, that close to me

Janis: we did

Janis: it was perfect

Janis: you put your head on the bump and it was the best thing ever

Casey: did I

Janis: yeah, it made you so happy, being that close and I promised I’d stay all night and I did

Casey: you fell asleep, you never sleep

Janis: it was so easy

Janis: didn’t even matter how turned on I was, just that relaxing, having you there

Casey: you should’ve let me do more about how turned on you was

Janis: I shouldn’t have done as much as I did

Janis: I want you to have it as much as me, not just me telling you what it was

Casey: I don’t care, you can have anything

Janis: your t-shirt on the floor

Janis: I want that

Casey: it’s yours then, to do what you want with

Janis: if it’s dirty enough it’ll taste like you

Janis: we haven’t even kissed

Casey: I’d taste like nowt but blood right now, can’t have that

Janis: oh, I’ll still kiss you, unless it hurts too much

Casey: it couldn’t hurt enough to put me off

Janis: I’ll be very gentle, kissing it better always helps

Casey: good, I won’t have to be gentle when you have

Janis: you only ever said slow, can still be hard, deep

Casey: all of my tongue, you’ll feel better for how long you’ve had to wait for it

Janis: I can wait as long as you need me to

Janis: not patiently but 

Casey: impatient could be one of the words I’d have typed but it sounds a bit like I’m fuming about it instead of chuffed

Janis: I can’t count how many times I’ve barely waited for you to leave a room before touching myself

Casey: nor can I

Janis: if you’d turned ‘round, even once

Casey: if you’d forgot something and gone back for it

Janis: you’d have to let me watch you finish

Casey: I’ve wanted to so many times you were in the room with me an’ all but you never fall asleep on the sofa either and I’d only wake you up anyway

Janis: I need that, I’ll fake it, try not to get caught looking

Casey: I can always feel you looking at me when you do

Janis: you’re fucking gorgeous, especially your face

Casey: you don’t even have an especially, it’s all just fucking incredible, every part of you as much as the others

Janis: I’m taking everything off

Janis: I wanna be that exposed for you

Casey: you’re gonna be everywhere on that bed

Janis: everywhere you’ve wanted me

Casey: I’ll cum as soon as I touch it

Janis: I think I’m obsessed with you cumming, that’s how much I think about it, remember how you sounded

Casey: I replay that voice note you sent me every time I want to

Janis: shit

Janis: you should play it for me 

Casey: and the pictures of you, you need to see them again

Janis: they make you cum too

Casey: yeah, but you look different now

Casey: even hotter

Janis: taking pictures just for you is too much fun, and you keep them and use them to cum, that makes me so happy

Casey: will you take one for me right now

Janis: yes

Janis: [and do, obviously giving bump centre stage because we know what you meant]

Casey: fuck, look at you

Janis: look at me

Janis: you can see in my eyes, how wet I am, didn’t know it was that obvious

Casey: I don’t wanna be the dickhead telling you how obvious you are when you’re being that cute about not knowing

Janis: true, shameless is a lot like obvious

Casey: I can’t hide it no better

Janis: I love that about you, it makes me feel less of a freak for how often I’m thinking about you

Casey: I don’t stop thinking about you

Janis: please don’t

Janis: if making you cum is all I can do for you then you have to let me

Casey: there’s no chance of me or any other lass letting anything else do it instead

Janis: it’s all mine

Casey: I’ve tried to give you time off but you’re there in my head every second

Janis: I don’t want time off, being who you think about every time you fuck is what I need

Janis: you need to feel me, taste how much better I am

Casey: I need it so bad, you know I do

Janis: I’ve been watching [the pregnancy porn] 

Janis: you need to do that to me, we both need it

Casey: I thought you’d like it as much as me

Janis: you’d do it better, that’s my only complaint but it’s not his fault

Casey: it’s her fault you look better and it pissed me off when I watched it before

Janis: have to reshoot it 

Casey: whatever any of them reckon they’re playing at ain’t good enough

Janis: feel like I know your face so well I just picture it without thinking about it now

Casey: I’m glad ‘cause now you’ve said that I can’t fucking speak so

Casey: you’ll have to focus on my facial expressions for a bit

Janis: the way you smile always gets me

Casey: yours, it feels like you’re giving me something that’s only for me, different dickheads have other different ones, but not that one

Janis: it is yours, you make me smile different, it’s a different feeling

Casey: I wanna make you feel different

Janis: it’s addictive, us

Casey: yeah, [his fave club drug and his fave drink] have got nowt on you

Janis: that’s too big of a compliment 

Janis: though I can definitely make you feel alright longer than 5 minutes

Casey: is that how you’re gonna taste, like [one of that drink’s ingredients]

Janis: it’s hard to describe, you’re just going to have to find out for yourself

Janis: soon

Casey: there a empty glass on my bedside table or nah, you’ll have to get well creative, else

Janis: why is that the hottest thing you’ve ever said

Casey: ‘cause you know I’ll drink it

Janis: fuck

Casey: and now you’re thinking about how hard I’ll swallow, how often I’ll have to

Janis: it’s all those things, that no one else would notice

Janis: ‘cos no one wants it as much

Janis: noticing exactly where your eyes are looking at any given time, how you shift in your seat

Casey: size of my pupils, ‘cause you really are like a fucking drug

Janis: knowing you notice it all on me, making me so aware of everything

Janis: how I’m breathing starts to feel good even

Casey: how you breathe

Casey: I’ve never been so bothered about the little things I am when I get to be with you

Janis: making it all count makes everything feel insane

Janis: if you ever actually touch me

Casey: if I even felt your eyes on me at the minute

Janis: [gotta send a pic obviously]

Casey: [gotta send his noise reaction back]

Janis: I’m matching how hard I’m going to what I can hear you doing

Casey: let me hear it

Janis: [the voice note of that] 

Janis: so you can keep it

Casey: you’re too nice

Janis: if I was I wouldn’t have fucked up your bed this bad

Casey: it’s only more proof you are, leaving me that

Janis: could leave you the t-shirt but it’s covered in spit

Casey: you can’t, you’ve gotta have something to keep

Janis: I can wear it

Casey: she’ll let you fit into it, she loves me

Janis: no lie, she always reacts when you’re about

Casey: and when you’re reacting to me

Janis: she knows that’s for you too, even when I can’t say your name out loud

Casey: how loud you saying it from my bed

Janis: [again, voice note ranging from too loud to barely being able to get it out because we’re so dead]

Casey: [send her some pics because you literally have not sent any I have just realised which is a bit rude, I get you didn’t wanna include whatever new injuries you have but just don’t it’s okay]

Janis: you’re so

Janis: I want every part of you as close to every part of me as we can 

Casey: me inside or touching all of you, I promise

Janis: you promise

Janis: it will happen

Casey: soon, baby

Janis: baby

Janis: fuck me

Casey: I don’t lie to you ever, do I 

Janis: no

Janis: you always give me what I need

Casey: and I always will

Janis: you and me, we look after each other

Casey: we’ve gotta, we love each other

Janis: I love you so much

Janis: I feel like I’m gonna pass out here seriously

Casey: it’s okay, you’re in the right place to do what you need to do

Janis: you should come find me

Casey: wake you back up after a little rest

Janis: come sleep first, that’s fair, you’re tired too

Casey: you just wanna give me that memory

Janis: yeah, it does make me a little sad, that there’s stuff you can’t remember and I can

Casey: there won’t be that, I’ll hold you how you told me I did

Janis: you didn’t let go at any point I remember, all night

Casey: then when I get back I’ll not for as long as you stay

Janis: I can, you are hurt again, not a lie

Casey: I was, only be a lie to say I don’t feel loads better, and I’m not saying it to you, means it don’t count anyway

Janis: you do 😁

Casey: can you not tell how good I’m feeling

Janis: I like when you tell me exactly how you feel

Janis: and show me

Casey: [such an extra voice note going into ALL the detail]

Casey: I’ll show you when I fuck you from the exact position we slept in that night

Janis: [video from said position like ready for you x1000000]

Janis: you’re finally gonna feel what she behaves like when I’m thinking about you like this

Casey: you’re gonna feel what she behaves like when I’m actually with you, making you cum harder than any of them other times

Janis: we want it

Janis: she wants it for me, and you, I can feel that 

Casey: I’ve never got to cum in a lass on purpose, ‘cause of her I can, imagine how that’s gonna feel for both of us

Janis: now I am

Janis: it’s so much better you don’t even know

Casey: I’ll be falling over again, yeah

Janis: s’why we’re starting in bed so you don’t, just onto me

Casey: thought of everything, you

Janis: maybe

Janis: had the time to, ain’t we

Casey: I’d love to front I did it to make it worth it but it already is

Janis: we know why, it don’t matter though

Janis: you wanna, I wanna, it’s as simple as that now

Janis: you need to cum inside me

Casey: I remember how much you wanted it when I were just pressed against you, you’re gonna stop breathing under me, girl

Janis: yeah, don’t let me die for real

Casey: no need to get your lifeguard boyfriend in for the kiss of life, I know what I’m doing

Janis: the threesome ain’t happening

Casey: me, you and her is as close as it gets, I’m too jealous for nothing else

Janis: it don’t freak you out, literally what else would I ask for

Casey: I’ve said, anything, the minimum, that, like

Casey: it shouldn’t freak nobody out, you look 

Casey: I ain’t got no words for it

Janis: I just want you, nothing else, definitely no one else

Casey: have me then

Janis: have me back

Casey: I’m coming back

Janis: for me

Casey: just for you, nowt and nobody else

Janis: [pass out girl, ‘scuse us]

Casey: [just show up when you get back sir and likewise fall asleep to recreate the snuggle you were too drunk to remember cos even if your intention was to watch her sleep/ only nap for a bit and then wake her up to hook up we all know y’all are gonna sleep for hours and hours and we all know why and it isn’t purely for the cockblock it’s that you genuinely do sleep well together and do both need it rn so]

[geekmonkeyscience]

Thank you for trying to explain to ME why I am pissed off. I really couldn't understand until now.

For fuck sake, what part of: "they're shitting all over characters we've know and loved for years", "they've made cheap remakes and called them new" and "they make no sense, are stale, already seen and have more emphasis on the special effects than on the story and acting" is THAT hard to understand? I don't give a shit about "different generations". I wasn't ALIVE when the Original Trilogy came out and I actually LIKE the prequels. I loved the Clones Wars and I’m waiting for season 7 to come out - finally! I liked Rebels but I wouldn’t mind at least a last-last episode to really close down the story, because it’s waaaaay to open ended like this. But this new shitty trilogy? Nah mate, they've got absolutely nothing going for them but the setting and the special effects. Give me Rogue One and Solo any fucking day and I'll be extremely happy with that. And if this new trilogy is the result of “cast and directors pouring their heart and soul into it”? Man, they should really change career... or admit they’re just doing it for the money and be honest, for once.

Freddie Prinze Jr. drops an amazing rant about negativity in the Star Wars fandom on Jeff Dye’s Friendship Podcast | via @allthingscomedy on Instagram

[tf2headshotcanons]

How do you think the different mercs would react to Eurovision? With there being just as many European members and American, I've been wondering about it for a little while.

"If you don't know, I'm in love with you, Because of my shoes, I'm wearing today" Yes, the Carnival of Camp, which is the Eurovision! Mate, this had me in more stitches than Sniper after being revived!Anyhow!After a long hard day on the field, killing what appeared to be the men's clones clad in blu(e), the men could finally relax and unwind. Though not their home, Miss Pauling managed to get them a reasonable sized house near their base - a house at least big enough to house nine mercs with her visiting. On this particularly chilly night, the Demo took a large swig - a sinister smirk emerging on his features. Oh it was time. It was time! As... Innocently, as the mischevious man could muster, he gathered the remaining mercs down in the main room. "Movie night already?" Scout asked curiously "Aye lad, somethin like that". Once gathered around the small TV, the Scot stood proudly before them "Lads, yer about teh see the 'greatest' show in Europe!" Sadly, not even Spy picked up on the sarcasm. Once everyone was comfortable, they prepared for a decent film. Decent. Ha! It was almost laughable. They were completely unprepared for the show that they were about to witness. The Eurovision: Carnival of the Camp!Scout: "What da hell is this crap?! Dey can't even sing! Hey- Hey Spy? You on dis?" He may laugh, he may mock. But this little sod secretly loves it. Secretly votes and secretly finds it cool. In the bathroom break, he's singing his favourites so far on the bog. Too bad, mate. Everyone can hear ya.Soldier: Sings and cheers! "This is what your Europe pansies like?! HA!" He's caught between two thorns. On one hand, GOD it's so cringy and shite! But on the other hand, it's like European patriotism, which is his weakness. He takes the piss but openly confesses to liking it. This, in turn, would probably influence Zhanna to like it too, cuddling his arm and watching in awe.Pyro: He's bloody mad! Course he likes it! He sits crossed legged, head propped in his hands and elbows balanced firmly on his knees. He watches in awe and inspiration. The colours, the music, the culture! It's all so beautiful!... Especially that fire number- "MMPHMM!"Demo: He's pissing 'imself laugh in AND he's pissed. When it's on, he's already had a few, so he's up singing and dancing. Butchering others tongue. But he has fun. Himself and Soldier are probably the most involved, though Demo reminds everyone how shit it is. It's bloody hilarious. Rather than a quote, please imagine him singing the beginning quote whilst absolutely hammered. Thanks.Heavy: "Is stupid show for stupid babies." He sits, cross arms and completely unimpressed. He's actually amazed that his sister can be in awe from such rubbish! Heck, it's even turned his team into BIGGER idiots than usual. This bored him. Annoys him. And it baffles him as to why he has to sit through this torment. Engi: Drinking an' laughin' away! When Demo first tells him about it, he laughs it off as some British humour. Then he sees it. And God do his sides hurt him. Slapping his knee and bringing up his guts in fits of laughter, he even pipes into song quickly "This what you Europe folks are into?" He laughs.Snipples: Holey. Dooley. He is fucking dead! Growing up, he hardly was exposed to technology outside of guns thanks to his parents beliefs. But Holy shit what is this crap?! He can't stop laughing! He's choking and his cheeks burn a bright red. IMMEDIATELY - from hearing France is involved - he turns to the Spy and asks if this is the shit he'd sign up for. God, this has made his night. Though, he doesn't sing along with them. Nah, professionals don't do that. But they sure piss themselves laughing!Medic: He's in it! He's fucking in it! "Sheila, if yer out there, love, Please get in touch!" He's fucking in it. (Also, if you don't know the Sheila joke, look up Lee Evans' Scotland tour. You will not be disappointed!) He loves it. Though he laughs, he proudly sings along and brags he could represent Germany MUCH better. They hold him to this! Also, he's the translator for the German section.Spy: He's flustered under that mask. Humiliated of the Europeans. Humiliated of his teams mockery of him (particularly from his son and Sniper). Humiliated to be in a room full of idiots singing along. In truth, he does find it pretty funny. At the same time, he likes the Eurovision. His first experience was watching it with Scout's Ma and a baby Scout, and although Ma hates it, he and his son loved it. They sung and danced the night away to it actually. Fond memories. The small smile it gives him is met with mockery that the team mistakes for wanting to be a part of the show. Well... They ain't fully wrong.BONUS: Merasmus actually ended up hosting his own MercVision to "appease" someone (*coughbollockscough*), with them all having to take part! Demo, Scout, Soldier and Pyro had a blast. Heavy just glared is way through his piece. Spy disappeared. Engi got shy and Sniper was flustered the whole way. Serves them right for mocking! Also, Pauling was the judge and had the best night of her life! Spoilers: Nobody actually won.

[bucketofchum]

Find out about Atumu

Under the cut is the answer to 60 fun questions about Atumu. All the answers to the questions you never had.

1: What’s your OCs favorite color?

I don’t think he has a favourite colour, but lately he’s been a fan of the colour blue. 

2: Where does your OC work?

As a vagrant, he doesn’t really have a place of work? He’s got plenty of skills, so he can generally fit in about anywhere. However, he doesn’t have any formal schooling or official documentation of qualifications, so like...work is typically hard to get for him. He often finds himself doing either housework or farmwork for room and board.

3: What’s your OCs favorite food?

Oh gosh, all of these questions are so hard for Atumu. He...uh... he has a very bad relationship with food. So It’s hard to say that he has any favourite food? Pretty recently, he’s discovered frozen prepackaged foods like pizza rolls that have made him just about melt. But the only reason he was okay with eating it was because the family he was staying with referred to it as “not real food,” thus leading him to believe it’s not really comestible for the average person, and thus absolving him of the guilt of eating food that might otherwise feed others.

Alternatively, he is the only one who is physically capable of consuming the toxic, noxious waste that his brother cooks. I’m pretty sure he got food poisoning from that though. Either way, he’ll eat it without complaint and say??? believe?? it is good? Don’t know what’s going on in his head, but he’s been told and is convinced it’s good, even if it’s hazardous waste.

4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic?

5: How old is your OC?

Uhh.....old as balls. Several thousand years old? But he’s got really spotty memory, so he can usually only remember things in the past couple hundred years.

6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers?

UHHHHH!!! Basically everything about him? This will probs be answered in all the other questions.

7: Is your OC in a relationship?

No. [but I like to imagine he has a pretty cute non-canonical quasi-platonic friendship with a certain fellow water lover]

8: What are some of your OCs strengths?

Literally everything? He’s OP as fuck. One notable one that recurs is his cooking ability? He’s very, very, very, very good at cooking and what he cooks is not anything of this world. It’s very good.

9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses? 

His...rationality? He has a hard time seeing anything in anyone else’s perspective and he has a pretty darn warped sense or reality, so a lot of his reasoning (though perfectly logical in his head) is tremendously vague and makes no sense to literally anyone else.

10: What is your OCs favorite outfit?

Clothes? That fit. And cover his body.

You’d be surprised how hard that is to come by for him.

He’s a fan of formal wear. But in general he likes clothes that fit well and are comfortable. 

11: What animal does your OC relate to?

Idk if he personally relates to them, but I relate them to him. Otters. Moist boys.

12: Is your OC sexually active?

Yes, but not by choice.

13: What is your OCs earliest memory?

Oof, this is a hard one. He’s got that good ol’ spotty memory. I’m sure he gets flashbacks of his childhood as a slave. So if you’re counting when triggered, his earliest memories are probably from the dungeons when he was looking out for both Atamu and Atomu, fighting for survival.

14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind?

OH BOY. HE SURE DOES NOT. [not that he’s never had a phone. But phones don’t usually last with this boy.]

15: What makes your OC angry?

It’s been a while since he’s been angry, but I guess it depends on the scenario. He is sometimes short on patience, especially when dealing with people who have harmed his family and are ignorant of the fact. He hates anyone who hurts his family.

16: When is your OCs favorite time of year?

Summer. 

17: How long can your OC hold their breath?

Hours. Fucking hours. He’s a hard one to drown.

18: What kind of underwear does your OC wear?

DUDE. ANY. I think he’s usually freeballin’ - but legit. Any. None is also fine.

19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots?

Probably plain? But plaid seems okay. He’s not a picky guy, and clothes that fit don’t come by very frequently.

20: What’s your OCs favorite kind of pizza?

pizza rolls

21: Who is your OCs best friend?

idk if best friend, but most important person in his life is his little brother and God, Atemu. 

22: Has your OC ever killed someone?

23: Whats your OCs biggest secret?

That’s a mystery to me too, my friend.

24: What does your OC smell like?

In all likelihood? Dirt.

25: What time of year does your OC prefer?

Didn’t I answer this already? He’s a warm summer day kind of boy. He’s used to the heat.

26: Is your OC a human or an animal? (or something else idk) 

He’s....a human........ despite all signs to the contrary

27: What languages does your OC speak?

All of them. Literally all of them. 

28: Does your OC like anime?

29: Can your OC swim?

Ha ha ha! His element is literally water. He can swim nonstop for days. He’s fine in the water.

30: What does your OC choose to do about the, er, hair down there?

31: Does your OC believe in fairies? 

Doesn’t need to believe in them. He’s interacted with them. 

32: Did your OC go to college? What did they major in?

He might have gone to college once or twice over the years? I think before all the bad shenanigans started, he did get a degree in Financing, I believe. But the documentation of all that stuff is long gone, so there’s nothing to formally say he was ever educated in any way. Anyhow, for Atumu, it’s not like he could gain much more imperical knowledge from additional schooling. He might be able to gain some social skills though? Haha, lord knows he needs that.

33: Are your OCs parents dead? 

Hella dead. They been dead for thousands of years.

34: Is your OC religious?

Kind of? His brother is kind of...God.... But also there are a lot of canonical gods that also run the universe and beyond - but you don’t need to believe in them. They’re just. Around. He does believe his brother is his God though.

35: How flexible is your OC?

36: What turns your OC on?

37: What was your OCs first word?

gosh idk. I don’t think anyone was there to take note.

38: Does your OC have any pets?

Does his little brother count?

39: Who is your OCs biggest enemy?

Not necessarily enemy but let’s see. Atamu is currently the self-declared mortal enemy? Just hates Tumu with a burning passion of a thousand suns. But the anger and hatred is unreciprocated. Yumi is his clone whose purpose was to kill and replace him.. originally. He’s since let that objective go, and they’re pretty good bros now. Real enemies/bad guys in the story might be the President (though he’s just hungry for knowledge and not necessarily evil... he’s just kind of evil). Governments in general seem to be the biggest enemy of Atumu and the gang, as they are the source of most of their woes.

40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done?

UM... WELL. Take a fucking pick.

He’s been strung to a helicopter by a rubber band. He’s been a lawyer against his own brother (my fave arc of his actually). He has gone through an entire junkyard trying to find the pieces of a Portuguese robot version of his brother. He’s been the mate of a nest of nagas. He’s been vivisected (oh boy yeah, forgot about that one). He’s been experimented on by multiple governments...multiple times. He’s made coconut ice cream (wild, I know).

He’s got lots of adventures, so take a fuckin pick, babes.

41: What is your OCs motto about life?

“How can I be of use?”

42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea?

He’ll drink whatever you give him, but he prefers water.

43: Who is your OCs biggest hero?

I don’t think he looks up to anyone (haha physically he can’t really - geddit - cuz he’s a giant).

44: What color eyes does your OC have?

Super green.

45: Does your OC like reading?

Not sure if he likes it so much. He doesn’t really read for pleasure. He’s pretty well read though. Knows them encyclopaedias and dictionaries and science and math textbooks cover to cover. That good reading.

46: Is your OC loyal?

Would die for you. Has died for you already probably.

47: Does your OC tolerate violence?

Yeah.

48: What social class is your OC from?

He’s a slave... but like. He could’ve been king. He could’ve been God. Probably should’ve been God.

49: What country was your OC born in?

Egypt.

50: Does your OC cry easily?

Nah. Seldom if ever.

51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music?

He doesn’t know too much about music nowadays. But he’s pretty good with like. Instruments. That you can play. With your hands or mouth, you know. Doesn’t know much about synthesizers or electronic stuff or fancy cool effects.

52: How does your OC feel about insects?

He’s alright with them? They’re a good source of protein?

53: What is your OCs sexual orientation?

He’s sexually oriented away.

54: Does your OC smoke?

Used to? It’s been several hundred years, I feel like, since he’s had a smoke. But he’s not opposed to smoking. Just never really gets the chance.

55: What gender is your OC?

Male.

56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear?

He’ll wear anything he comes across. Anything you give him to wear. He doesn’t really know what’s “with the times” though. So even though he might feel embarrassed wearing some stuff, he’ll trust you if you tell him that it’s a normal thing for him to wear.

But given the choice, he likes really to wear loose fitting comfortable clothes cuz he doesn’t really have clothes his size. If he could get well fit formal clothes, he does like that.

57: Would you call your OC adventurous? 

Dude, all he does is go on adventures. Idk if this means he’s brave or like? Willing to go on adventures? Nah, it’s just...he kind of has to. Some people choose adventure. Some have adventure thrust upon them. Atumu is the latter.

58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted?

He’s an ambivert? He won’t try too hard to put himself out there socially, esp because he’s pretty socially clueless. But also he doesn’t really have social anxiety at all, so if he’s not talking, it’s not because he’s shy or nervous. He’s just... there’s no reason he needs to approach you.

59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC?

His height? His physique? And then probably his eyes - they’re hard not to notice.

60: Does your OC enjoy nature?

He sure spends a lot of time in it... spending months walking through deserts... weeks in tundras... some days in rain forests... 

Lastly: in Arabic - اتومو

[silversong79]

Many Meetings (Argument, part 12 - rewrite)

 ( @kaminoanbat I actually did Not Like my last chapter of this so here, have a rewrite before I dive into the rest of the series ^0^ I like this one waaay better. The first scene with Rogue and Cat I kept the same since that one was actually good imo)

Rogue said nothing when Doriana followed Rowan outside. In fact he tried not to react at all,  though he did see Switch roll his eyes and mouth ‘finally’ to Cat. He swallowed and looked down at his datapad again, burying his other hand in the purring tooka’s fur. When the two came back in, any fool could see how close they were standing. How red Rowan’s face was, and how dark Doriana’s stripes had gotten. But nobody mentioned it. Well, Damyan whistled under his breath, but that was just him being a brat. Of course they were being completely obvious about it, but he knew Rowan at least wouldn’t like people noticing. Rogue kept pretending to read, and while he did smile slyly at Rowan and Doriana, his mind wasn’t really in it. Everything about being around other clones- especially Cat - and seeing Rowan and Doriana do the same dance he’d done once (the glances and smiles, the sneaking around and thinking nobody would notice) - all he could think of was Winger. His Winger, his heart. All he could think of was him, and he hurt.

Rogue huffed and shook his head, his silver earrings jangling. It wasn’t fair of him to be depressing and moping around when everyone else was so happy. He’d just spoil it. So he took those thoughts - those precious memories - and buried them deep in his heart where nobody could see.

When he looked up again, he could see it hadn’t worked. Dreu was watching him with her arms crossed and looked like she wanted to smack him, which was her way of showing worry. Draake had much the same expression, if slightly less aggressive. He smiled and shrugged as he looked at them, and then away. He’d sort of expected those two to notice.

What he didn’t expect was Cat noticing too.

“How’s it hanging, Witcher?” Cat swung down from the beam he’d been perched on and dropped into Rogue’s lap, grinning at him.

Rogue rolled his eyes and pushed him off so he fell to the floor with a huff of laughter.

“It’s Rogue, you little miscreant,” he said affectionately. “And I’m pretty sure you’re the only one hanging around here.”

Cat popped up from the floor, pushing his curly hair out of his eyes and grinning. He wasn’t at all bothered by falling, it seemed.

“What’s with the sour face, brother? I thought you liked it here.” He hopped up nimbly onto the chair beside Rogue, perching with his knees up like some kind of unholy Acklay hybrid.

Rogue sighed, rolling his eyes and setting the datapad aside. Obscure Rylothian witchcraft rituals would have to wait, apparently.

“I know you weren’t part of Topple very long,” he said in a low voice, leaning closer. “But I know you remember Winger.”

“Course I do,” Cat said, losing some of that bright cheerful spark he had. It almost looked like the whiskers on his cheeks were drooping.

“Well, he and I, we….” Rogue swallowed. “Before the tank -”

“I know.” Cat hopped over to share Rogue’s chair and leaned against him. “He wouldn’t shut up about you even back then. Gods, he was so annoying.”

Rogue tried to smile past the lump in his throat, blinking back the tears that stung his eyes. Witcher! Where are you? The echo of a scream from long ago rose in his mind. He wrapped an arm around his brother’s shoulders.

“I miss him so much,” he whispered, voice cracking slightly. “I don’t even know if he’s alive. What if he doesn’t even remember me?”

Just saying the words out loud sent a chill of horror through him. He touched the fortune charm around his neck and whispered a spell to ward off evil things.

“That would never happen.” Cat sounded totally certain, and even a bit defensive. “Winger would never forget you. Ever. Just like I would never, ever forget Mouse.”

Rogue blinked at him, raising an eyebrow. “You and Mouse were together?”

Cat shifted over and rested his chin on his knees, staring moodily at the dinner table. “Nah. Never got the chance to be.” He sounded casual, but there was weighted sorrow behind the words. “But….I would have, if he’d asked.”

Neither of them said anything for a while.

“Dori told me I’d see him again, once,” he murmured finally. “Read my palm and everything. I dunno if it’s gonna happen, but….well, who am I to argue with Fate?”

Cat sniffed and stood up, stretching. “We’ll see them again,” he said. It didn’t much sound like he believed it, but Rogue appreciated the sentiment anyway.

............

Crow was the first one to notice it.

The Erithuda house had a spectacular roof for being lookout, a high spire with a flat top that looked out over the Lothian landscape for miles. So when the a shadow descended through the mint-green clouds, he was the first to see it, and hear the rumble of a ship coming through the atmosphere.

He watched the shadow warily for a minute, wondering why, exactly, it should make him afraid to think it might be the Republic. Shouldn’t he want to go back?

He huffed and shook his head, his hair falling in his eyes. He pushed it back impatiently. Whoever the hell was in that ship, he should probably tell someone before they landed.

He swung down off the roof, running over shingles and dropping from railings until he hit the ground right in front of Dreu’s garage.

She and Ligara were talking, and the twi’lek pilot looked just about as delighted as Crow had ever seen her - home, working on her ship with a wrench in hand and talking to her girlfriend.

She looked significantly less delighted when Crow walked into the garage, stopping just short of snarling at him.

“Is there something you want?”

Crow was the best out of his squad at hiding his emotions and keeping his face neutral. He crossed his arms and blinked at her, looking unimpressed.

“There’s a ship coming,” he said lazily, as if it was of no concern to him. “Thought you might like to know. Since this is your house and everything.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and stomped outside to look at the green sky, then groaned and swore. “Great. It’s the Asha’ra’m.”

Crow followed her, arms still crossed over his chest. “Is that dangerous, or….?”

“No,” she snapped. “Just annoying and very, very rude.”

“You must get along great,” he muttered slyly.

“What was that?”

“I said that’s great.”

He watched as the ship descended and landed right in front of the ship, and two people stepped out first: a chiss woman with a drink in one hand (tiny pink umbrella and all) and her other arm around the waist of a pretty pink twi’lek girl, who was whispering in her ear and giggling.

“Dreu!” The chiss laughed, descending the ramp. “Babe! Hi. We were in the system and needed some repairs. Also fuel. You mind taking a look, sweetie?”

Dreu threw down her wrench and crossed her arms. “Can you maybe fuck off with the cute nicknames, Aurren? You can’t call me babe anymore.” She looked at the woman beside her and smiled warmly. “Hey, Alyea. You wanna go warn my dad and sister that the horde’s descending?”

She giggled and kissed Aurren’s cheek before heading inside.

“My sister is here too,” she said to Dreu on her way past, with a thick Ryloth accent.

Crow wasn’t paying attention to Dreu and the chiss anymore - clearly they had history, but he wanted to know what the twi’lek meant by “hordes descending.” Because these people looked a hell of a lot like pirates.

First a zabrak - Dathomirian by his tattoos, Crow though. He looked scary, but he had a medkit at his belt, so he probably wasn’t that dangerous.

A weequayan came next - guy with one eye, who looked a bit familiar. He was pretty sure he’d seen him - wait.

Oh, hell. That guy was Doriana’s ex.

The next guy off the ship was a blind Mirialan with long hair, who was laughing over his shoulder to the last person on the ship -

Crow wasn’t really sure why, but he felt something….warp through the world when she stepped out. She was probably the sister Alyea had mentioned - another twi’lek. She didn’t look much like Alyea though. She was white as a seashell, with pale green eyes the same color as the Asfaloth sky, and a very large, fierce-looking Mandalorian screech hawk on her shoulder.

Crow backed up into the shadows of the garage, still watching her coo to the bird like it was a baby tooka. He caught a snatch of Dreu’s argument from behind him.

“- and I bet you weren’t planning to go home and see your mother while you’re on-planet, were you?”

“You leave my mother out of this!”

Crow looked back at the bird woman. He caught his breath. The hawk looked right at him and screeched. And the white twi'lek looked right into his eyes, her green gaze startling and frightening.

“I can see you, you know.”

..........

Switch had just finished painting his face - and hands and arms - when the ship landed outside. It was just as beat up and sturdy as the Ebinor, and he was pretty sure he recognized some of the people.

While he was trying to figure out where he’d seen them, the mirialan in front of him - he’d assumed he’d just move aside, even if he was walking backwards - crashed right into him.

“Hey, watch it!” he said automatically, scowling as he stepped back. “Watch where you’re going, mate!”

The mirialan turned around, carrying a crate of spice or something. His eyes were closed, eyelids mottled with scarred skin.

“Well, you know, I would,” he said seriously. “But I can’t find my eyes anywhere.”

Switch held back a laugh, hoping it wasn’t rude to stare. “You’re blind?” he asked stupidly.

“Nope.” He grinned at him. “I just can’t see. What do they call that again?”

He did laugh that time, and took the crate from him. “Well, someone’s snarky today.”

“Thanks, cutie. I try.”

He was glad the mirialan couldn’t see the sudden flush across his face. Switch shook his head, clearing his throat.

“Switch,” he said, shaking his hand. “My name’s Switch. And how do you even know I’m cute?”

“Clones are hot. Everyone knows that.” Without warning he put both green hands on Switch’s chest and felt over his shoulders and neck and face. “Mhm. Just like I thought. Gorgeous.”

Switch almost choked on his tongue trying to respond without being an idiot. “And you are?” he spluttered, blushing furiously.

“Single,” he laughed. “But I’m Vadii, if you want my name. Technically it’s Vadiian Lenrahi, but nobody calls me that. Ever.” Something in his voice told Switch not to ask, so he didn’t. It was probably the same as calling a brother by his number, he reasoned. You called people by the names they chose. Not a difficult concept.

“Wait a second,” Switch said, narrowing his eyes (not that Vadii could see that.) “Didn’t you try to rob us a while back?”

“I honestly don’t fucking know,” he shrugged. “I’m a pirate, we rob tons of people. And I have no idea who most of them are.”

“Rowan screamed at you,” he prompted. “That weequay with one eye was hitting on Dori.”

“Oh, that was you!” he laughed. “Sorry, I couldn’t see what was going on.” He paused, raising his eyebrow. The effect with his scarred eyelids was kind of startling. “That Rowan guy is terrifying. Hot, definitely, but kriffing scary.”

“Right on both counts,” Switch laughed. “And he gets scarier when he loves someone. You should see him and Doriana now, they think they’re being subtle and it’s hilarious.”

“For his sake, I hope he treats her better than Hokair,” Vadii snorted. “She might rip off something more than his eye, if she cares that much.”

From somewhere nearby there was an obnoxiously loud screech, and something huge with wings swooped down and startled Vadii, knocking him forward so he and Switch both fell to the ground, with the mirialan sitting on Switch’s chest.

“Could’ve bought me dinner first,” Switch grinned. He gasped slightly when Vadii’s hands brushed carefully over his face again.

“I like when you smile,” he said. “It makes your voice sound even hotter.”

He was trying to think of a response when the screech-hawk landed placidly on his shoulder, nibbling his ear like it was expecting a treat. Switch looked up to the roof where it had flown from, just in time to see Crow and the white twi’lek woman duck their heads down behind the railing.

He pushed Vadii off his chest and sat up, then leaned close to his face. “My brother’s trying to play matchmaker,” he whispered in his ear. “Wanna return the favor?”

“Definitely,” Vadii purred. “Avis needs to get laid, and Turtle will do anything for a bit of meat. Not unlike me.”

Switch snorted with laughter and rolled his eyes. “You’re terrible, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

.......................

Crow and Avis both ducked behind the railing when Switch and Vadii looked up at them. For a second they were silent, breathing hard with their shoulders pressed together. Both glanced sideways at each other.

Then Crow scowled and shoved her away, standing up. “Get off me!” he snapped. “That was your fault.”

She jumped to her feet and glared at him, stepping closer into his space. “What, just because it was my bird? You're the one who kept blathering on with all those commands you don't understand in the slightest.” Her voice was sharply accented, peppery and cold like spicy resin gum.

To tell the truth, he wasn't quite sure exactly how they'd gotten up to the roof in the first place. From the second the woman – Avis, he reminded himself – had noticed him “lurking,” as she called it, he'd been on edge, sullen and moody. And she was not helping. He'd never met a more infuriating civilian in his life!

“I think I'm fairly safe saying I know some mando'a,” he said, crossing his arms and stepping closer. “Seeing as I learned it from birth.”

“Do you think I've never met a clone before?” She didn't back away from him as he advanced. Her eyes were frosty green ice, like that moon he'd seen in the sky last night. Ice queen.

“First, you're not born. Second, I know you learn secondary languages through the spread of culture, not through training.”

“Oh, piss off,” he growled. “I'm not one of your birds to study and take notes on.” His eyes were almost black, gleaming like polished stones. How much mando'a could she actually know? He smirked, and took another step toward her; still she didn't move away from him.

“Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?” he said, chin lifted in a challenge.

Her eyes flashed like sun on water, and she stepped closer to, fast and sudden so he was forced to take a step back.

“Kebbur bic,” she replied, voice clipped.

“Maybe I will,” he muttered. He held her gaze, although he didn't think he could actually hit a civilian that wasn't trying to kill him, much less slap her in the face. Try it, she'd said.

“Go ahead. Try.” She poked him in the chest, pushing him back. “Touch me and I'll cut off your hands and feed them to you.”

The urge to laugh came too quick for him to suppress; the corners of his mouth twitched upward and he actually giggled.

She snarled, hooking her foot around his knee to knock him to the ground and kneel on his chest. “You think this is funny?”

“No! No. I don't.” He snickered. “Seriously, sorry. It's just -”

“Just what?” She leaned down and brought her face close to his, her breath cool and minty on his face. Her lekku brushed his shoulders. “You think it's funny that a twi'lek woman can defend herself? You think I won't -”

“It's not that. I just spent a month on a ship with Dreu,” he coughed, shifting uncomfortably. “Actually....” He looked sideways, face flushed. “That was a fantastic line. And I was just picturing Cat and Switch standing behind you high-fiving when you said that.”

She stared at him for a long time, unblinking and unmoving. Then she stood up and pulled him to his feet, dropping his hand like it was poisonous the second he was standing on his own.

“You are the most pig-headed human I have ever had the displeasure of meeting,” she said, both lekku curled up with the tips pointing to her back. And without another word she stormed away down the steps, leaving him bewildered on the roof.

~~~~~~~

“Well, Switch?” Rowan said gently, tapping his brother on the shoulder. “You called the meeting. What's this about?”

“Vadii -” he started, and Cat snickered. Charm cuffed the back of Cat's head.

“Quiet, you,” he muttered. “Let him talk.”

“Vadii says his captain will take us back to Coruscant,” Switch burst out, tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously. “If we want. He said they wouldn't mind as long as Aurren gets paid for it.”

Rowan glanced around at his brothers – at Charm's careful blankness, Crow's scowl, Switch's apprehension. Cat looked afraid, yes, but he also looked hopeful, which was worrying. What did he have to go back to?

Rogue had gone white as a shiny's armor, muttering prayers under his breath as he paced. “You leave me out of it,” he said vehemently. “I'm not going back there.”

Cat tilted his head and frowned, touching Rogue's shoulder. “But Witcher, what about -”

“Don't!” Rogue snapped, stepping away. Cat pouted, looking like a kicked puppy. “I said I'm not going back. And for fuck's sake, stop calling me that.”

Cat went totally still for a second; if it wasn't for the flaring of his nostrils he could've been carved from rock. Then he turned without another word and ran back to the house.

“I'm staying,” Switch said. “I – I mean, what is there for us there?”

“Death,” said Crow helpfully. “Course, that's everywhere, but still.”

“Well, aren't you cheerful.” Charm rolled his eyes, glancing worriedly at the house where Cat had run. “Yeah, I vote we stay too. You can never get decent caf in the barracks.”

The four of them looked at Rowan expectantly, like he had the deciding vote. He blinked back tears and laughed, shaking his head. “You really have to ask?” he said softly. “This is my home. I'm staying. We're all staying.”

The second the words were out of his mouth, Rogue limped away, following Cat to apologize.

With a sudden realization that sent a jolt through his blood, Rowan gasped out loud. And he, too, ran toward the house.

Just as he was about to step through the garage door, Draake grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back out into the workshop.

“Not so fast, son,” he said, tugging him along. “I know where you're going and what you're going to do.”

Rowan swallowed. If Draake didn't want him to be with Doriana - “Sir,” he said evenly, “I love her. And I'm almost positive she loves me to.”

“Obviously.” The old twi'lek's eyes twinkled as he smiled up at him. “I'm not here to give you the 'if you hurt my daughter' speech. We both know she'd rip your guts out long before I could if you did.”

“Yes, I know.” He pulled on the end of his braid. “So what did you want to tell me?”

“About my family, son.”

Draake proceeded to tell him their whole history – how he and his togruta partner Farren had met two performers at the cantina in the Capitol. Tameira was a twi'lek dancer, and Elessa, her togruta girlfriend and singer.

Nobody on Asfaloth cared too much about strict marriage laws, so if the four of them wanted to marry each other, they could – and they did. Those had been the happiest years of Draake's life, he said. By random chance, Tameira had their first daughter, Dreu, but lost her life delivering her. So the first tomb in the cliffside masoleum was filled.

Doriana was born later, and the three of them doted shamelessly on their little girls, and they were happy. Doriana showed every sign of inheriting her mother's angelic singing voice, while Dreu followed Draake around the garage every day and had fixed her first engine at four.

Then Farren started coughing. The medcenters out here couldn't help the mass in his lungs, and where were they going to get money for a trip to the Core? So the second tomb was filled, right beside Tameira's.

Draake and Elessa raised their girls quietly together for the next few years. Draxo was adopted after they found the zabrak boy wandering alone along the cliff, saying his parents had left him.

Then when Dreu was fourteen and Doriana twelve, there was a terrible house fire in the town. Elessa hadn't hesitated for a second – she ran inside to save the nautolan family trapped in their home. She managed to get their newborn child to safety, but the house collapsed before she and the parents could make it out.

He'd sealed up the empty third tomb by himself, Draake said. He took in the baby nautolan, of course, and that was Damyan. Dar'go had come later, when Doriana found him half-starved on the beach.

“She's never sung a note since the fire,” Draake said now, finishing his story. “I know you sing, I've heard you. She loves it.”

Rowan didn't realize he'd been crying until he wiped his eyes. This kind old man had lost so many he loved, had given so much.

“Why are you telling me this?” he asked softly, clasping the twi'lek's hand in his.

“Because you should know your family history,” Draake whispered, “if you're going to be part of this family.” He uncurled his other hand and held out a beautiful silver ring, carved into an elegant leaf shape with a pure sapphire at the center. “This was Elessa's. She'd want you to give it to our daughter when you ask her, my son.”

Rowan's throat was thick with tears as he wrapped his arms around the old man, cradling the precious ring in one hand. “Thank you,” he said, choked up. “Thank you....father.”

Draake laughed, a little wistfully as he wiped his own eyes. “Ah, they'd have loved you,” he sighed. “I just know you'll meet them someday. When we're all together again.”

.....

Doriana handed a stack of plates to Draxo and laughed at something Aurren was saying, listening to a dozen conversations at once. She noticed when Rowan's brothers started to trickle back in – how the tone of the chatter got excited, jubilant even.

Her breath caught when she heard them talk – they were staying here, all of them. She stilled, letting out a soft breath as her eyes blurred. In her mind, all she could see was this house, ten times bigger with haphazard additions and extra stories.  She heard the laughter of small children, saw them chasing each other around the grass – children of several species.

She saw a man, slightly stooped now with silver braided hair and old wise eyes in his lined face, smiling at her with total adoration. Rowan.

Suddenly warm hands in hers jerked her back to the present. The room had gone quiet now, and Rowan stood in front of her, young and vibrant but shining with that same love.

She gasped softly as he knelt at her feet – both knees, not just one, and held out both hands with her mother's ring in his palm.

“Doriana?” he said, almost too quiet to here. “I have no name I can share with you. I only have myself to give. But I would follow you to the end of the universe and back again. All the days of my life are yours. Will you – do you want to – can I be your husband?”

She laughed out loud as she put the ring on, pulling him to his feet and kissing him deeply. They were surrounded by people. Who cared? She loved him. Damn him, this sweet, stubborn man, she loved him so much.

“Of course I will.”

[sleepymarmot]

DS9 season 1 liveblog

[Season index: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 PS]

Emissary

Wait, "kidnapped for six days"? I thought the timeframe was much tighter...

I hope Kira won't always overact so much.

I like how quickly Sisko can go from barely contained cold hatred to cheerful manipulation.

Bashir's LITERALLY FIRST LINE is flirting! I'm honestly impressed :D

Bwahaha, tell him, Kira!

...Did O'Brien change back into his old uniform just to visit the Enterprise? 

O'Brien now talks to computers just like Geordi.

Is this show going to regularly use baseball as a metaphor, like TNG did with poker? :D

This episode is a much better take on explaining humanity to an alien than "Encounter at Farpoint".

Past Prologue

The entire opening scene is just delightful -- does that even need saying?

Why does O'Brien feel so strongly about not giving the guy to the Cardassians? Has Chain of Command happened already?

Ooh, is this the encounter with the Duras sisters that will be referenced in TNG season 7, or are they going to visit DS9 again?

"Klingons have an odd sense of style, don't you agree?" -- Nah, only those two.

Drinking game: a shot every time Garak says the word "simple".

I didn't expect the show's second story to be so good!

A Man Alone

...Is every episode going to open with a scene where an older person on whom Bashir crushed within five seconds of their screentime is standing behind him and touching his shoulders?

I'm confused again, isn't the O'Brien kid a bit too old?

"Killing your own clone is still murder" -- Was this episode deliberately written as a fuck-you to Up the Long Ladder, or is it just a lucky coincidence?

Babel

What a beautiful script lol

Why aren't they at least trying to build a linguistic database? That was my first idea...

Captive Pursuit

"I'm not a barkeep" Well now I want an AU with Quark as Mrs Hudson...

"They've reversed the polarity of our shields" Sorry I just cannot take this phrase seriously...

Oh ffs, not the Prime Directive again!

Wow, this show really likes O'Brien...

Q-Less

I love the guest appearances from TNG characters! It really helps to establish the show as part of the same continuity.

Q and Vash's Doctor-companion dynamic gives me life.

Oh no, the Ferengi handjobs are back, I was wondering when it would happen...

"I like your new tailor" I thought Q meant Garak, not the change in Starfleet uniforms...

"But it's not going to be the same without you. When I look at a gas nebula, all I see is a cloud of dust. Seeing the universe through your eyes, I was able to experience wonder." I'M DYING THIS IS LITERALLY THE DOCTOR'S LINE

Dax

I was looking forward to this one! But I didn't expect the "how Trills actually work, let's forget about The Host" story to be presented as a courtroom episode, that's pretty clever.

Ah, of course whenever they talk about Dax's past relationship with a woman, they switch to third person and male pronouns -_-

I thought the wife was the murderer.

The Passenger

God, don't they have filters or oxygen masks or anything like that? 

Yoo, a possession episode! This is endearing: TNG season one sometimes felt like revisiting TOS stories with a new cast, this season does the same to TNG.

Move Along Home

Does a fourteen year old really need a strict bedtime?

Kidnapping people is easy with transporter technology -- but how does one change their victims' clothes in the process?!

Quark's breakdown was unexpected; I suppose there'll be a follow-up on that?

The Nagus

Jake and Nog's friendship is very heartwarming.

Vortex

I'm glad to learn more about Odo, but wasn't this episode kinda cheesy?

Battle Lines

Yess, more Kira drama

Let me make a guess: this will be important in the season finale?

The Storyteller

You know that post "Have you ever accidentally befriended someone who was extremely annoying"? It needs to be on a screenshot of O'Brien and Bashir from this episode.

Progress

Kira's subplot is like an unholy hybrid between The Survivors, Ensigns of Command/Journey's End, and Preemptive Strike. Plus, that guy looks like Hannibal Lector.

Jake and Nog's subplot is giving me a bit too much secondhand embarrassment.

"I'm going to tell Minister Toran that she's remained temporarily on Jeraddo at your request" "But sir, that isn't true" "Make it true, Doctor. Now, please" lmao Sisko's methods are... interesting.

He gave a good speech to Kira in the next scene, too.

I'm glad it worked out well for the kids :D I kind of expected the two plots to tie together at the end -- like the old man settling on the piece of land they bought.

If Wishes Were Horses

"Waste of time. Too many people dream of places they'll never go, wish for things they'll never have, instead of paying adequate attention to their real lives." Are you calling all of your viewers out, Odo?

A bit too much technobabble, but funny! I thought this would be not just about imagination, but about youth. The imaginary characters are conjured up by a three year old, a fourteen year old, and by Julian whose immaturity is even commented upon in the cold open.

The Forsaken

Oh... oh my god... it's her

Why is her hair pink, anyway

O'Brien's talking to the computer right after opening credits, just after Majel Barrett's name appeared on screen -- are they doing this on purpose?

this orange hair is even worse

"You are the thin beige line between order and chaos" I'm dying what kind of compliment is this

Odo's grumpiness re: humanoid mating rituals is beautiful

"Every 16 hours I turn into a liquid" "I can swim"

Hello fanfic trope :D

Yes, Odo, I was making the same faces during the episode she's recalling

"Do you hear it?" "Hear what?" The voice" ARE THEY REALLY DOING THIS

"Like a baby" I'd say, more like Lwaxana

"It came here when we downloaded the probe's files. If we upload those same files back to the probe, it might go with them" That's... not how it works...

Universal acceptance is a lovely and very plausible other side of the coin to Lwaxana's eccentricity and odd taste. I've grown to appreciate that. She's always so obnoxious at the beginning of the episode, I completely forget about her sensitive side and she manages to surprise me every time.

wait, so she's been canonically wearing wigs in all those TNG episodes?

Dramatis Personae

Wait, is the infirmary right across the corridor from Quark's bar?

Bashir is acting very strangely

Alright, the question is "who isn't acting strangely"

Is Kira trying to flirt with Dax?

Bashir really won the temporary personality lottery. Everyone else became unlikeable and he just Lives For The Drama. I mean, more than usual...

Will Odo often play this role of the only one unaffected by a disease, like Data did? But unlike Data, he can also manipulate people. I'm only now starting to appreciate that he actually is a "Constable". Very refreshing to see a security officer who's allowed to be smart.

Duet

Oooh, finally it's time for the Bajoran-Cardassian drama again!

The plot twist makes this episode remind me of The Defector even more... And I think it cheapens the conflict; what to do with a bureaucrat who hasn't personally committed atrocities is a difficult and morally grey area -- not so much if it's the Big Bad responsible for everything and proud of it

Alright, he's too hammy, is there another twist coming?

Nice, Dukat is getting nervous, that's a good sign. I love Odo the detective

Okay, but even under his real identity, wouldn't, like, a very public trial and broadcasting his story everywhere have some effect?

I... don't really like how this episode ends on a "Not all Cardassians / Some Bajorans are just prejudiced". Still, it's the strongest story in the season.

In the Hands of the Prophets

Ughhh religious fundamentalists...

Have I mentioned how uncomfortable it is that on this show people's ears are often grabbed with completely different connotations?

Oh god I'm just seething this is too real

The murder mystery is interesting!

I hate her so much

Call! Odo!! Or! Sisko!! Preferably both!!!

General impressions:

A surprisingly even season. There are no outright failures (unlike TNG's first and last seasons -- hell, probably unlike any TNG season) but it's rarely remarkable.

The interior and costume design is quite ugly, sorry to say.

It took me several episodes to adjust after the glorious remastered HD of TNG. Please remaster this show too!

Best character for dramatic scenes: Kira

Best character for lighthearted scenes: Bashir

Most underused character: Dax

Best duo: Odo and Quark (okay, there's not much competition so far, I just wanted them to have their own category)

If O'Brien is such a super engineering pro, why did he spend all these years on the Enterprise manning the transporter instead of being Geordi's right hand man or something?

I don't know what I think of Sisko yet. But I like him more than Picard in his first season.