#Clinical Trial Operations

[haleus]

Driving Clinical Development with Haleus: Excellence in Clinical Trial Management, Operations, and Monitoring

In the ever-evolving world of clinical research, ensuring the seamless progression from discovery to market approval is paramount. Haleus excels in this realm by expertly aligning with both scientific and regulatory standards, making it a trusted partner in clinical development.

Clinical Trial ManagementEffective clinical trial management is the backbone of successful drug development. Haleus employs robust strategies to design, plan, and oversee clinical trials, ensuring they are conducted with precision and compliance. By integrating innovative tools and streamlined processes, Haleus minimizes risks, optimizes timelines, and enhances data integrity.

Clinical Trial OperationsOperational excellence is key to executing clinical trials efficiently. Haleus’s dedicated teams oversee every operational aspect, from site selection and patient recruitment to protocol adherence and resource allocation. With a focus on collaboration and adaptability, Haleus ensures that each phase of the trial progresses smoothly, meeting regulatory and sponsor requirements.

Clinical Trial MonitoringMonitoring is critical to maintaining trial quality and participant safety. Haleus employs advanced monitoring techniques, including risk-based approaches and real-time data analysis, to ensure compliance with protocols and standards. Their experienced monitors work closely with sites to identify and address issues promptly, safeguarding the trial's integrity and outcomes.

By harmonizing scientific rigor with regulatory demands, Haleus empowers sponsors to navigate the complexities of clinical trials. Their expertise in clinical trial management, operations, and monitoring ensures efficient progression, ultimately accelerating the delivery of innovative therapies to patients.

[lisalicharles]

Clinical Trials through Optimized Clinical Operations and Clinical Data Management Solutions

In the realm of medical research, clinical trials play a pivotal role in advancing healthcare and developing new treatments. The success of these trials hinges on the efficiency and precision of two critical components: clinical operations and clinical data management solutions. Together, they ensure that trials are conducted smoothly, data is accurately captured, and the resulting insights are reliable and actionable.

The Role of Clinical Operations in Clinical Trials

Clinical operations encompass a wide range of activities that are essential for the planning, execution, and management of clinical trials. These operations include site selection, patient recruitment, trial monitoring, regulatory compliance, and overall project management. Each of these elements is crucial for the seamless functioning of a clinical trial.

1. Site Selection and Management: Selecting the right sites for a clinical trial is a fundamental step that impacts the study's success. It involves identifying locations with the necessary infrastructure, patient population, and expertise to conduct the trial. Effective site management ensures that these locations are adequately prepared and supported throughout the trial.

2. Patient Recruitment and Retention: Recruiting and retaining patients is often one of the most challenging aspects of clinical trials. Effective clinical operations strategies include outreach programs, patient engagement activities, and maintaining clear communication with participants to enhance recruitment and retention rates.

3. Trial Monitoring: Continuous monitoring of the trial sites ensures adherence to the protocol, regulatory compliance, and the timely identification of any issues. This proactive approach helps in maintaining the integrity of the trial and ensures that it remains on track.

4. Regulatory Compliance: Adhering to regulatory requirements is non-negotiable in clinical trials. Clinical operations teams work closely with regulatory bodies to ensure all aspects of the trial comply with local and international regulations. This involves meticulous documentation and regular audits to avoid any legal or ethical breaches.

5. Project Management: Effective project management is the backbone of clinical operations. It involves coordinating various activities, managing timelines, and ensuring that resources are optimally utilized. A well-structured project management framework can significantly enhance the efficiency and success rate of clinical trials.

The Importance of Clinical Data Management Solutions

Clinical data management (CDM) is the process of collecting, cleaning, and managing data obtained during clinical trials. The integrity and accuracy of this data are paramount as they directly influence the conclusions drawn from the study. Advanced clinical data management solutions play a vital role in this context.

1. Data Collection and Entry: Modern CDM solutions provide robust platforms for efficient data collection and entry. These systems are designed to minimize errors and ensure that data is captured accurately and in real-time. Electronic Data Capture (EDC) systems, for instance, are widely used to streamline this process.

2. Data Cleaning and Validation: Once data is collected, it undergoes rigorous cleaning and validation to identify and rectify any inconsistencies or errors. Advanced algorithms and automated processes in CDM solutions enhance the accuracy and reliability of the data.

3. Data Integration: Integrating data from multiple sources, such as different trial sites or various stages of the trial, is crucial for comprehensive analysis. CDM solutions offer tools for seamless data integration, ensuring that all relevant data is consolidated and accessible.

4. Data Security and Compliance: Ensuring data security is critical in clinical trials due to the sensitive nature of the information involved. CDM solutions incorporate robust security measures to protect data from breaches and unauthorized access. Additionally, these solutions are designed to comply with regulatory standards, ensuring that data handling meets all required guidelines.

5. Data Analysis and Reporting: The ultimate goal of data management in clinical trials is to generate actionable insights. Advanced CDM solutions provide powerful analytics and reporting tools that facilitate in-depth analysis of the data. These tools help researchers draw accurate conclusions and make informed decisions based on the trial outcomes.

Synergy Between Clinical Operations and Data Management

The interplay between clinical operations and clinical data management is critical for the success of clinical trials. Effective clinical operations ensure that the trial progresses smoothly and adheres to all protocols, while robust data management solutions guarantee the accuracy and integrity of the collected data. Together, they create a comprehensive framework that enhances the reliability and efficiency of clinical trials.

In conclusion, optimizing clinical operations and implementing advanced clinical data management solutions are essential strategies for conducting successful clinical trials. By focusing on these key areas, researchers can improve the quality of their trials, ensure regulatory compliance, and ultimately contribute to the advancement of medical science and patient care.

[octalsoft]

Clinical Operations: What It is and Why It's Important - Octalsoft

The role of clinical operations in the drug development lifecycle, as well as the technologies that may be used to speed the process while preserving compliance.

Clinical operations, sometimes known as ClinOps, ensure that patients receive the best possible treatment. Apart from that, the clinical operation includes compliance with regulatory criteria and standards.

In the United States alone, there are about 23,000 clinical operations managers. While these experts and their teams are at the core of clinical trial success, understanding their position within a healthcare institution is not always straightforward.

This article aims to explain what clinical operations are and why they are important. So without further ado, let’s get to it.

Why are Clinical Operations Important?

Clinical operations are an essential component of the healthcare ecosystem since they ensure that the services provided by a healthcare organization are effective. The operations department strives to ensure that all clinical personnel and patients have everything they need to work effectively together and that the process runs smoothly.

These teams can be particularly useful during the drug development lifecycle. Following the completion of discovery and preclinical research, the clinical development phase begins. Clinical trials and volunteer studies are conducted during this stage to establish that the medicine is safe for human use. ClinOps plays a critical role in ensuring the success of such studies.

It is vital to distinguish between clinical operations and clinical development. Read a client case study on clinical trial design to learn more about clinical development versus clinical operations.

Common Activities and Responsibilities in Clin-Ops

Several operational functions in the healthcare business are handled by this team. These are some examples:

Patient Flow: Patient flow refers to how patients progress through a clinical experiment. To prevent damage, ensure that all healthcare personnel adhere to safety standards and rules.

Quality Assurance: clinical operations monitoring to verify that the trial satisfies the criteria of regulatory authorities. Chart audits, clinical peer review programs, and quality improvement teams are examples of QA tools.

Apart from those specific responsibilities, every clinical operations staff member must be aware of what is trending in healthcare and how those trends may affect procedures in the future.

3 Trends Impacting Clin-Ops

What trends should companies be aware of in order to better support the patient journey and conduct more effective trials? These are just a few examples:

1.Changes in Technology and Delivery of Care

Data growth and technological advancements are having an impact on healthcare. The digital health market is predicted to reach almost US$660 billion by 2025, with a compound annual growth rate (CAGR) of about 25%. 

Organizations must understand how this affects the clinical trial process. It's also an opportunity to find new methods to streamline clinical supply operations and harness all of the data that we now have access to through clinical monitoring and operations.

2.Increasing Decentralization

The advantages of decentralized clinical trials were clear during the epidemic, and they are likely to remain so. DCTs and their associated clinical operations software can help pharmaceutical firms receive the information they need better and quicker, and  ClinOps has mechanisms in place to keep up with the pace of change. 

3.Impact on the Patient Experience

People desire to be more involved in their healthcare and to have their concerns heard. This is great news for clinical studies, as now people are more interested in participating. Time and effort must be invested in enhancing the clinical trial experience from beginning to end to centralize clinical trial operations. Notwithstanding the difficulties associated with decentralized health care, individuals stand to profit from a health system that provides them with more options.

Tools that Ensure Success in Clinical Operations

Numerous different clinical operations tools assist in ensuring various areas of clinical operations success, including compliance, better patient retention, and investigator satisfaction. 

EDC and EHR systems can provide real-time clinical decision support, people management, and other tasks.

Role-based credentialing and access mechanisms guarantee that information is only seen (and understood) by those who should see it.

HIPAA compliance practices or software to maintain compliance during the trial process.

Insight management technologies, such as asynchronous engagement and artificial intelligence, assist teams in identifying patterns or areas of concern.

Several tools may be used depending on the activities of your individual healthcare or pharmaceutical firm. While identifying and mitigating compliance difficulties is the most important part, patient retention is also key to successful trials.

In Summation

ClinOps may lack the thrill of clinical science or the glitz of marketing. But, because of its breadth, it has a little bit of everything. ClinOps teams work in research, medical, project management, operations, marketing, legal, regulatory, and data management. 

At the end of the day, Clinical Operations is responsible for the actual (and crucial!) task of completing the last stage of drug development. A step that, if done correctly, can alleviate the agony of hundreds to millions of patients now and in the future. Octalsoft has already begun to step into the future with a full array of eClinical software solutions. Do you want to know how Octalsoft can help you overcome current clinical trial problems, speed the discovery of novel therapeutics, and usher in a new age of evidence-based medicine that helps patients worldwide?  Book a demo with us now!

[market-insider]

Strategic Insights into the Clinical Trial Investigative Site Network Market

The global clinical trial investigative site network market size is expected to reach USD 12.5 billion by 2030. Growing investments in pharmaceutical R&D, increasing demand for new therapies and complications associated with site management of clinical trials are some of the major factors driving the growth of the industry. There has been a consistent rise the clinical trials in the last 5 years. For instance, according to ClinicalTrials.gov, over 262,298 trials were registered in 2018, whereas as of September 2022, over 399,518 trials were registered. The clinical trials are expected to grow even further as the funding for research improves.

Gain deeper insights on the market and receive your free copy with TOC now @: Clinical Trial Investigative Site Network Market Report

This is expected to propel the growth of the industry post-pandemic. There is a growing focus on reducing the cost associated with clinical research. Hiring a clinical trial investigative site network supports the regulatory function, improves the enrollment of participants, assists in data management, and quality assurance. It increases process compliance, reduces process issues with each trial, and helps with faster trial initiations, and shorter trial timelines. These factors are supporting the demand for clinical investigative site networks. The governments are actively trying to improve R&D by providing tax deductions. For instance, in January 2022, the Indian government stated that it is providing a weighted average tax deduction of up to 200% in R&D.

Such initiatives are expected to improve the R&D activities on drugs and thus support industry growth. According to the IQVIA, report on oncology trends, clinical trials for cancer have been increasing for the last 10 years. For instance, in 2011, 1,242 trials were registered for cancer, and as of 2021, 2,335 trials were registered for cancer. The number of clinical trials for cancer is expected to rise even further owing to the growing prevalence of the disease. This is expected to improve the demand for clinical investigative site networks for cancer clinical trials post-pandemic.

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

two of the transfems youre friends with have been talking to you about the clinic they got their bottom surgery done at. apparently its dirt cheap, and the surgeon - despite some oddities and, your friends admit, poor hygiene - is incredibly talented. theyre more than happy to give you her phone number when you ask, and while it sounds simultaneously incredibly sketchy and way too good to be true, at this point youre just so broke, desperate, and tired of gatekeepers that you're willing to give it a shot.

you call on a thursday afternoon, and the call is picked up on the fourth ring, when youre just gearing up to hear an answering machine. the voice on the other end sounds like a middle-aged woman with a smoking habit trying to sound like a cheery, bubbly young girl, and mostly succeeding. hiiiii! what can i do for you? she asks. you say er im looking for a surgical clinic is this the right number? she says mhm! thats me. you say okay, i just have a few questions. she says shoot. you say do you take patients who arent referred to you? she says nobody refers patients to me so yes. then she giggles. youve never heard somebody pull off a giggle in real life. you ask okay, so ive been looking for a place to get my metoidoplasty done, can you do that here? she says i dont know what that is give me like five seconds. then the line goes silent. you can hear her typing on a mechanical keyboard and humming to herself as she reads. youre now convinced that this is not in any way a legitimate medical institution.

youre about to hang up when she comes back on the line. OH you need a dick she says. sure i can do that! does tuesday afternoon work for you? i have that morning free too but i HATE getting up in the mornings so id rather not schedule it if i have to. you say tuesday afternoon is fine, how long should i expect the visit to be? she says i dont know like seven hours? you say seven hours? she says yeah give or take a few, every person is different so i dont know what itll be like until ive got your cunt opened up. honestly probably best to take the whole day off just in case it turns out to be a tough operation. you dont respond to that immediately. she says oh shoot should i not use the word cunt, is that too gendered? sorry. you say no its fine. you say i thought i was just going in for a consult? she says i mean yeah if youd rather. i dont mind doing same-day but some people like having more time to think about their options. do you have somewhere to be tuesday night or something? you say no its just... no tuesday afternoon should be fine. she says okay great!

she gives you her address. she says knock three times so i know its you and not my parole officer. parole officer you ask? she says im being good i promise but i still hate talking to him hes boring. you say if you dont mind me asking what were you imprisoned for? she says the ones i plead guilty to at the trial were a hundred and ninety-two counts of first-degree murder with a parahuman ability, two hundred and fifty-six counts of physical and emotional torture with a parahuman ability, five hundred and six counts of intentional infliction of emotional distress with a parahuman ability, four hundred ninety-eight counts of aggravated assault and battery with a parahuman ability, four hundred twenty five counts of domestic terrorism with a parahuman ability and two hundred and twelve counts without, three counts of arson, two hundred forty two counts of burglary with a parahuman ability, three hundred eight four counts of robbery with a parahuman ability, four hundred twenty seven counts of abduction with a parahuman ability, a hundred eighty six counts of human trafficking with a parahuman ability, three hundred ninety counts of destruction of public property with a parahuman ability, eighty counts of possession of a controlled substance, more than three thousand conspiracy and complicity charges in various felonies, eighteen violations of the Geneva Conventions, and the unauthorized practice of medicine. i plead not guilty to the larceny, sexual assault, contempt of court, corporate espionage, and identity theft charges and the prosecutor didnt really try to fight it since i had already earned seventy life sentences from the other stuff so im technically innocent of those.

you dont say anything to that.

after three seconds of silence she says sooooooooo i'll see you tuesday? you say tuesday, yeah. what was your name again? Riley, she says. Riley Grace Davis. you say thanks again and then hang up.

you debate constantly during the intervening days whether you should go on tuesday. youre grateful your friend group is so slutty; it means youve already seen with your own eyes that this surgery is real and not just a lure to murder you. still, you have some reservations, which you think is perfectly understandable.

you call one of your friends whos been there already. she picks up and you say if this is a joke its only sort of funny. she says if whats a joke? you say the clinic. you say you DID give me the actual number to the place where you actually had your bottom surgery done right? she says yeah, dont worry the surgeons so sweet. you say she admitted to doing two hundred murders when she was on the phone. she says i dont know anything about that but i trust her. you say if i end up dead, kidnapped, or mutilated, its your fault. she says dont worry about it.

tuesday comes. you never agreed to an exact time so you show up as early as you can and still have it be "afternoon" in your mind - 12:30. you climb the rusted fire escape to the third floor door and knock three times. the door is answered by a woman six feet tall in casual but very nice clothes with frizzy brown hair and an expression you cant read. you say er, riley? she says nope. another girl pushes past her, exasperated. she's maybe five foot two and her wavy blonde hair is worn down, with a red bow in it. she's wearing torn jeans - naturally torn, not the sort that you buy with holes in them that youve always hated but the kind that were once normal jeans and now have worn through much of the fabric on the knees. her tshirt is faded and has stains that you cant quite place on it, but youre pretty sure it was once Eidolon merchandise.

she says damnit amy let me answer the door next time. the taller woman, amy apparently, shrugs and steps aside to let you in riley claps her hands together once youre inside and the door is shut. introductions! she shouts. amy, this is, er... I never actually got your name? you tell them your name. she says right! hes one of my clients. and this is Amy, my sister. dont worry about her, shes just a little awkward. amy says can you PLEASE not introduce me as your sister. riley says make me. then she grabs amys shirt and pulls her down, standing on her tiptoes at the same time. they kiss in a very un-sisterly way. you clear your throat politely.

riley breaks away and says right, yeah, sorry! i get distracted easy. youre here to get a dick right. you splutter a bit, both at the bluntness of the question and the fact that amy is still standing right there. riley follows your gaze. she says oh dont worry about her! sorry, i wouldve run her off earlier, i thought you wouldnt come by for another few hours. you say sorry. she says dont worry, its her fault. amy says you didnt tell me you had a client. riley says you didnt ASK. you clear your throat politely again. you say er yes, i did come in for metoidoplasty. she bites her lip and furrows her brow. she says metoido... oh right. well i dont really do that here but i can give you a dick. you say uh im not really interested in phalloplasty. she says whats phalloplasty? amy says its the construction of a penis, usually via tissue flap taken from another part of the body, often followed by the insertion of prosthetics to allow the constructed penis to achieve erection. riley says oh, huh. yeah i dont do that either. i can give you a dick though. she takes a second then puts on an exaggerated scowl. who would want that she asks? amy says lots of people prefer it to metoido for aesthetic reasons or because they dont think theyll be large enough for penetrative sex with metoido. riley says but it wouldnt feel like a dick! man, some surgeons are talentless hacks.

you clear your throat again. you say so if youre- riley says youre clearing your throat a lot, are you okay? you say im fine, its just- she says oh duh were being so rude! why are we all standing around here. come sit down in the living room, do you want anything to drink? she leads you into the living room. it has the unmistakable air of a room thats been cleaned recently, with vacuuming marks present in the carpet and the unmistakable scent of air freshener. the sofa that you're gestured to sit on is, by contrast, unbelievably filthy. stains of every sort are visible on it - some of them are obvious, like the patches of blood and vomit or the ring of a coffee mug. others take you a second to place, like the crusty streak along one cushion that you realize all at once is semen, or the sticky yellow parts that you hope to god are honey. some of them, like the muddy green handprint along one arm of the sofa or the deep black smudge along a seat, are completely foreign to you. you can smell it from several feet away.

amy notices your hesitancy. she says i keep telling her to throw that thing out. riley says and i keep telling HER that its a relic from earth bet! its an antique and itll be worth millions soon. it just needs a good deep cleaning. amy says what that sofa needs is a bullet, not a deep clean. you sit down. drink? riley asks. you say er what do you have? she says water, diet coke, vodka, coffee. no more beer though, SOMEBODY drank the last one. amy says you never said they were off limits! riley says they arent, im just teasing. you say waters fine. riley says aaaaaaaaaamyyyyyyy, could you pleeeeeeaaaaaaaase go get our guest a glass of water and me a diet coke? oh and can you grab the pill bottle on the second shelf of the spice cabinet. amy says sure, i'll be right back.

riley sits down next to you. she says sooooooo what do you want for your dick? you say sorry, if youre not doing phallo or metoido then what exactly are you offering? she says no offense but it would take like literally eight years to give you enough background info for you to understand my explanation, and i dont have that kind of time. im not getting any younger. except for when i am. she laughs louder than you thought a human could. you have no idea how to describe the sound of her laughter. she says just tell me about your dream dick and ill give it to you. trust me, im a doctor.

except that youre not, amy says, returning with glasses and pills in hand. she sets the water down in front of you and you immediately take large gulps, feeling very much lost right now. riley says am TOO, accepting the pill bottle and diet coke from amy. she frowns. why is it can diet coke, she asks? she says glass bottle is so much better. she says why did i even BUY can. amy says they are literally the same liquid, what do you mean its better. riley says theyre not the same, stop deluding yourself. amy says which of us is the REAL doctor? riley says both of us! the PRT finally issued me an equivalency. youre talking to doctor riley davis, MED. amy says oh really? congrats she says. riley beams. then she unscrews the lid of the unlabeled, dark brown glass bottle, grabs three pills, and pops them into her mouth.

what is that you ask. ectasy she says. you want some? you say no thanks. she says you sure? you say i probably shouldnt take drugs before an operation, what if it interacts with the anesthetic? riley says dont worry, i made my own anesthetic that has zero drug-drug interactions. amy says except with sudafed. riley says ok YEAH except with sudafed, how was i supposed to know? she glances at you. you dont take sudafed do you she asks. you say no. she says good. it was such a bitch cleaning the pus off the ceiling she says. you say huh? she says dont worry about it, you dont take sudafed. she says are you sure you dont want any ecstasy? i promise its pure. you say i dont want to get addicted. she says i can surgically remove the addiction pathway from your brain if that would help. amy says riley, no means no. riley says fine. do you want any ecstasy babe? she says no thanks. riley frowns. she says you guys are a bunch of squares. she pops a fourth one and starts chugging diet coke.

she slams the can down after drinking what must be half of it, wipes her mouth with her arm and grins. sorry, we keep getting distracted! she says. she says im getting into the start of a manic episode and that always makes me roll right over people in conversation. what do you want for your dick? you say um. i hadnt really thought about it. its not normally a choice beyond the type of surgery, you sort of just end up with whatever the doctors are able to make work? thats lame she says. why are normal doctors all so lame she says. ok, rude amy says. OBVIOUSLY im not talking about you babe riley says. and stop distracting me from my client! amy holds up her hands in mock surrender, an easy smile on her face.

you didnt bring a toy with you did you, riley asks. you say huh. she says sometimes people bring a toy that they want me to model it after and that makes everything a lot easier. you say no you didn't. you say i hadn't really thought about my preferences, can we go dealer's choice on this? amy pipes up. she says you REALLY dont want riley to go dealers choice. riley says shut up and get me another diet coke, i just finished this one. amy says yes princess. you honestly cant read whether it was meant to be mocking or endearing. riley turns back to you. ok, she says, lets start with basics. primate? canid? equine? suine? dolphin? i could give you a hyena pseudopenis but i dont know if that would be offensive. you say human is fine. she says please dont tell me you're gonna just be boring this whole time. you say define boring. she sighs deeply and starts massaging her temples. amy, having stepped into the room in time to hear the last bit of conversation, tousles rileys hair. she says sorry babe, customer's always right.

you work out the appearance of your soon-to-exist cock this way. riley asks questions about length, girth, hair, amount of semen generated, percentage growth when erect, and you try to give what you think are average answers every time. amy watches, bemused, the whole time. halfway through she leaves to get the bottle of vodka. she drinks five shots in fifteen minutes. you say i didnt think the human body had that much capacity for alcohol resistance. she says it doesnt. riley swats playfully at her arm.

eventually, riley grabs a set of crayons and a cocktail napkin. she says ok, i think we got it, scribbling furiously. she shows you a crayon drawing of a dick. this look good she asks? you squint at it. there are no measurements given and the medium does not allow you to make out any fine detail. you say yeah thats fine. amy tries and fails to hide a smile. riley chucks the napkin aside and rubs her hands together. boring parts done! she says. time to get messy she says. amy pours a sixth shot of vodka. she says dont forget the anesthetic first. riley rolls her eyes. she says OBVIOUSLY i didnt forget the anesthetic. she says ill be right back. as soon as she leaves the room, amy knocks back her shot. she turns to you. she says you mind if i stay and watch? she says i dont want to make you uncomfortable, but i like watching her work. shes cute when shes working. you say at this point youre not sure you would mind anything at all. you say at this point you dont think you would be fazed if she came back with a fully-formed dick wriggling around in her hand like a fish and sewed it onto me. she says dont tempt fate.

riley comes back with a black bag the size of her head, which she sets on the coffee table with a thunk. she points at you and says okay, clothes off. or pants off i guess. you can leave the shirt on. or take it off. i dont care. you take it off. she tells you to lie down and starts pulling things out of the bag. amy stands up from the sofa to give you the space to stretch out and sits on the coffee table instead, one leg pulled up to her chest with her chin resting on her knee.

riley pulls out a syringe from the bag, filled with pitch-black fluid. she says okay this will hurt for a second but only for a second. you say huh? she flips you over onto your belly and jabs the needle against your lower back, into your spinal column. it hurts like a bitch for all of two seconds and then you stop feeling anything at all in your lower body. you also cant move your legs, you realize. what just happened you ask, as she flips you onto your back again. she says i just killed all the cells in the nerves in your lower spine. she says its the easiest way to make sure none of the pain signals slip through, and she'll just replace them with living ones when she's done. you don't know how to respond to that.

she pulls more things out of the bag. a cartoonish array of different cutting implements come out. most of them are various sizes of medical scalpel, ring cutter, or saw, but you also see a pair of chunky pink safety scissors, a pizza cutter, a serrated bread knife, an x-acto, a drill with a comically long bit, a pair of wire cutters, gardening shears, and an awl. she says okay im gonna start operating so look away if you dont wanna see how your crotch looks while its being rearranged. especially if you think you might puke, i hate having to stop to clean up puke in the middle of surgery. you look away. you notice amy is watching transfixed.

for a couple of hours things go on like that. amy and riley make light conversation, with riley filling any silence by humming a wordless tune you dont know. the sounds and smells youre getting are enough to make you slightly sick; you continue not looking.

in the middle of hour two, riley stops. oh goddamnit, she says. what amy asks? riley says she forgot that shed need extra meat. amy says you started a surgery to give somebody a whole new organ and forgot youd need more tissue to do it? riley says shut up, im dumb. amy says no youre not babe. riley says ughhhhh now what. amy says just get his stem cells to grow the tissue you need. riley says nooooooo thatll take forever, and i have places to BE tomorrow, and if i stop putting pressure on him here hes going to bleed out through his cunt. you say wait, what? amy says well i dont know what you want me to do about this situation, i gave you my solution. riley says baaaaaaaaaaabe. amy says whaaaaaaaaaaaat. riley says i think we have some bacon in the fridge, will you pretty please with sprinkles on top go get it? amy says and what do i get in return? riley says a kiss. amy says id get that anyway. riley says my undying love and affection. amy says i have that already. riley says not making me angry at you so you can sleep under my roof without having to worry that ill turn your sweat glands into acid glands in the middle of the night. amy says that, plus i get to top tonight. riley says fiiiiiiiiine, just go get the bacon. amy gets up.

you say look uh i know you said not to question what youre doing but i kind of dont want a dick made of bacon, not to sound ungrateful. also did you say something about me bleeding out? riley says dont worry, if you bleed out ill put the blood back in, im a professional. you say thats not as reassuring as she thinks it is. riley says whos the doctor, mister? you say technically both of us. i have a phd in social sciences you say. she says wow, theyre just giving out doctorates for anything these days, huh? you say hey, rude. she says only teasing. you say anyway, uh, you didnt address the bacon dick thing? she says oh dont worry about it, my amys amazing, youll see.

amy comes back in with the package of bacon. do you need this in any particular shape she asks. riley says nah just give me a good amount of it. and make sure its spongy, so when he gets hard the blood can- amy cuts her off. she says dont worry, ive given you enough penises at this point that i think i know what penile tissue is like at this point. you say given her enough penises? what the hell does that mean? riley says hey, dont kinkshame! she sounds legitimately offended. you say sorry. amy pulls the bacon out of the package, holding it aloft in her left hand. you watch as the familiar look of a half-pound of bacon shifts and warps into a strange lump of fatty, spongy tissue of a waxy color. she hands it to riley. riley says thanks sis youre the best, love you! amy says no problem. riley says id kiss you if i wasnt elbow deep in this guys cunt right now. amy says kiss me after the surgerys done.

another two hours go by. the sounds of flesh being chopped, sawed, and stitched underscore riley and amys meaningless conversation about whether they HAVE to attend their acquaintance lisa's birthday party. riley says lisa probably wouldn't throw a birthday party if there wasn't some sort of scheme going on. amy agrees but says that doesnt indicate whether they should get involved with the scheme or not. you wonder dimly if you will ever feel your lower body again. you wonder if this is purgatory, an endless afternoon of lesbians bickering affectionately while one of them does surgery on you. you turn your head enough to look at the clock. its 5:26pm. where the fuck did the time go?

another hour passes. riley stands up. she is soaked up to her elbow in various bodily fluids - mostly blood, but youre not looking too closely. she says finally! she says just need to regrow your nerve cells now. you say is that going to take long? she says like twenty minutes maybe as she flips you over. you say ok. she jams a different needle into the same spot, injecting a strange yellow paste into your spine. she then flips you onto your back again. you feel brave enough to finally look at your crotch.

there is a completely normal human penis of average size there. you reach a hand down and touch it. you dont have any sensation in it yet since your nerves are all still dead, but it feels warm and soft under your hands. you smile, feeling tears come to your eyes. its over.

rileys talking. she says i followed your specifications except i had to cheat a bit on the nerves, you actually didnt have very many in your clit for whatever reason so your glans has maybe eight thousand fewer nerves than you wanted, sorry about that. she says i gave you balls in your scrotum for shape but since you said you didnt want kids they dont produce sperm. let me know if you want that changed she says. she says it should be fully functional in every respect, but if you notice any erectile dysfunction, incontinence, discoloration in urine or semen, priapism, or any other issue come back and we'll sort it out. if you notice it bleeding in ANY capacity, call me immediately. if im not answering call Amy, ill give you her number. if SHES not answering either then you can start seeing normal doctors, not that those idiots will know how to help you probably. if you want any changes to it call me and ill pencil you in to get it adjusted. get all that she asks. you nod. she says cool. she says itll be like $200, no rush if youre not able to pay right now. you say it might be a bit since youre still trying to pay interest on your student loan debt. wait, she says, they have student loans again? you nod. she says the world ended like thirty years ago, when did they set up student loans again? fuck, how much do you owe? you say a little under eighty thousand. she says jesus fuck, nevermind, its free. goddamn. you say thank you so much. she says yeah of course. do you want us to dress you or do you want to wait until you can move and do it yourself?

[plasticfangtastic]

Dairy Girl

A Homelander X F! Reader fanfic

A/N: I am still working on my other projects but I just wanted to write something fun and light to get me back into writing. I hope y'all enjoy this short little piece, btw i aint got no kids so i have very little idea how milk banks work, this will be a 2 or 3 part story.

Synopsis: In order to provide a constant supply of fresh breastmilk for Vought’s number one hero, Vought has had to get quite nifty in order to prevent this secret desire out the press and the public– you have unfortunately discovered the truth.

Tags: Stockholm Syndrome, abusive dynamic, Homelander being Homelander, dub-con, dark, mild smut, breastfeeding kink, kidnapping, child-death mention tw, cheating tw, set in s4 but canon nothing, slow burn.

Word Count: 3K

Part 1– Heifer

Such a small box, smaller than a shoe box, just big enough to fit its contents with enough space for his ghost to move. You stared at the small box as its buried in the family plot… you never thought of visiting this place to ever bury the last shred of happiness you had left, his body was born weak, so small you wonder if you’d given birth to a child or a chick, 2 months ago you had come home to find your now ex in bed with his ex, he had turned this betrayal on its head and blamed you for it, something about your lack of desire lately, about how your pregnancy had given him amounts of pressures he'd never agreed with, talking endlessly about his needs and how much you’d ignored him.

Whoever this man was, you didn’t recognize him.

Time blurred into nothing but disconnected colors and shapes, all you know was that the stress and anguish lead to this.

A box under soil.

Days passed and in your empty apartment, surrounded by all the stuff you bought you stood in front of the sink, throwing a bottle of fresh milk down the drain feeling tremendous guilt, the doctor said you would dry out soon enough but your breast had swollen so much your bras no longer fit– even the spare ones you bought just in case they’ve grown a size too big from what you expected, you booked an appointment with your doctor hoping they could give you whatever cocktail of drugs to dry you out and save you from the pressure and pain in your chest, it had been nothing but a passing message from a worried neighbor who had stop by to give you some mail that had been sent to them by accident when she mentioned her daughter-in-law had donated her excess milk after her little one refused to latch, she gave you the name of the charity and after much thinking you gave in, you lost your baby but there was some woman out there who could end up experiencing your same grief if their baby starved to death, yours simply born too small and weak to hold your finger for very long.

It felt good, you met the women running the charity and even some of the faces of the women you helped, as you delivered your frozen packs to the women’s clinic where the charity operated, it helped you heal, it gave your pain purpose, but as the months faded behind you a part of you worried about how much you keep producing, less than before but still too much, yet you keep going knowing it would end soon enough. 

Perhaps somebody in the clinic or the charity had dropped your information to these people but you'd received some mail regarding some research trials Vought International was running and how they needed some donors to drop fresh samples, in their pamphlet they offered to pay a decent amount--your divorce had been costly plus having to move to a new place and breaking your previous lease had left your bank account quite dry, this was cheap money, you had given your milk for free, you looked at the few pouches you had collected for next week's drop you saw a wonderful opportunity to make some quick cash.

You went to the Vought Clinic and saw a few other women filling up forms, reading old magazines or dilly-dallying on their phones until some nurse called their numbers, you filled the medical form, waited less than half an hour before your number was called, brought into a small bleach scented room, the nurse read your form and told you she would take a blood sample, a doctor came in, reciting whatever script he’d been given about what this project was, giving you big words you had no interest in, this was about providing better milk formulas closer to natural milk than anything currently in the market apparently, thanking you for your donation, he looked at your form smiling as he saw your inked words.

“You're still producing 4 months after…” The doctor handed you a disinfecting wipe and a freshly steamed breast pump in a silver tray– we just need two samples, please press the alarm to let us know you’d finished, then follow Nurse Potts to the front counter to sort out your payment.”

It had been an awkward experience, but there you were 300 dollars richer, you probably should’ve read those papers a bit closer before signing but money was money and you were told to come back if you could.

You did it a couple times for 2 months, much like a man donating sperm for pocket money or plasma to pay the rent.

That was the first mistake, you headed home and woke up the morning after wishing you had stayed out for an extra hour or two, perhaps caved in to your friends pressures and tried going back to dating (after all your ex was whoring himself all across the lower east side without moral qualms) or hookups so you would had gone to a different address, maybe you should had taken a taxi instead of taking the train and walking home.

Regardless you woke in some strange empty room, the only thing beside your person was a pair of pale pink hospital gowns, grippy socks, clean underwear and a pair of thick large towels, you screamed and banged on the door for an ungodly amount of time but nobody ever came, you stayed alone in that room for what could have been 12 hours or more… maybe less… who knew it was all too much, suddenly a sharp sound cut into the silence a note had been slid under the door, you rushed to the note.

It was instructions, they wanted you wearing their clean clothes, you could not leave the room unless you did so, and as much as you hated the idea, you wanted to get out so badly, you knew if you wanted to escape your only chance came in knowing your surroundings, you begrudgingly and tearfully changed, waiting until anything changed– the doors hissed opened, a woman in a sharp cream coloured suit stood there with clipboard and an armed guard, at the sight of the heavy looking gun– you froze.

Then you took the first step towards hell.

You knew the following things: You lived in some basement area– there were no windows, only elevators. You weren’t alone, there were other women here and they made sure to keep your interactions at minimum no doubt to keep all of you submissive and not getting any ideas, sometimes familiar faces will fade and you could only speculate nightmares. Lastly… your purpose, the reason you were trapped here in the first place was… to lactate.

A plucky little thing that stayed optimistic despite your shared horror called herself a ‘Heifer’ she wasn’t wrong… you lived in a small cell where everything had sat on top of each other feed to keep fat and producing milk much like a cow, whoever developed this diet knew of all the ingredients known to help production, and you knew there were putting something else in the food for your breast begun to feel uncomfortable, for a little while you thought you could fight it by starving yourself, then two men with guns came into the room and told you to eat or else.

The time you spend outside this microflat hong-kong style cell was in the milking room and the shower room, you were ordered to stay clean and quiet, at least in the milking room you had some television and could spend time with the other women, but they keep you isolated, you could do very little, sometimes music would play and a book would be dropped with your food but your happiness wasn’t priority, you had to fill a quota.

After a couple weeks of this you simply accepted defeat, too many guns… not enough spaces to run, and nothing to come home to… a man that wanted to sue you for more feeling as if the judge had been unfair, a pestering family who acted as if they had been the only ones who experience loss, an empty cot you still hadn’t gotten rid off and piles and piles of bills, in this quiet cool room you had spend endless hours thinking, you didn’t love your job, you had been distant from most of your friends and you could only imagine that they assumed you had run away or killed yourself after what happened nobody could blame you.

Existing for the sake of existing until you could figure out what to do next.

“Good Evening… I’m glad you’re eating so well” The lady you met the first day said as the door hissed open, she watched you like a hawk as you process this sudden interruption, clutching at your paper thin blanket, you looked at the floral fabric in her arms and the clipboard under her arm– I need you to sign this before you’re allowed upstairs”

“Am I being let out?” You said anxiously, no way it could be that easy you thought.

The lady let her smile waiver, looking at the unseen guard then at her wrist watch as she handed you the clipboard.

“Your performance might determine how soon you'll be release…”

“You assume I won’t go to the police…”

“That wouldn’t be wise Miss L/N but we assure you that you’ll be sufficiently compensated for the inconvenience.”

You wanted to yell, but a voice in the back of your head thought of this but nothing but pageantry, you were dead either way, but perhaps this could be your opportunity to escape, whatever they wanted to do now meant being outside of these buried walls, you signed the sheet without thinking, briefly considered stabbing the bitch in the eye but is likely they would turn you into swiss cheese before you even took a step too close, she took the paperwork from your hands and in change handed you a long sleeved dressed straight out of the mormon section in target, she closed the door and you dressed up.

The halls looked so odd when you didn’t wear your prison clothes, the other few doors housed sleeping and bored girls, your plucky friend hidden behind one of them, the new girl hidden behind one of them and the girl you seen before in the milking room once hid behind one of them.

They took you to an elevator– it was old box, if you had to guess by the button’s design maybe built in the late or mid 70s, you never left their side until the elevator closed before them, the box moved slowly, a dingy silver box with low honey coloured lights, so dim… and you were alone, as the light chime as it went up you felt your entire being sink into your stomach, your heart beating so fast you were sure you were gonna have a heart attack before the doors opened once again, swallowing dry spit, your eyes opened so wide it hurt.

Quiet… it was so quiet when the doors opened, you expected something else, something menacing… something frightening– not an old house, an old house in the middle of some evergreen forest, everything screams old, untouched, museum like, like it's meant to present this idea that somebody lives here but not really, despite it being an elevator hidden behind a bookcase, you take a few cautious steps, your naked feet bury in the plush carpet, there’s bird singing outside and the sun is so bright and warm it hurts your eyes, the cool tones gone and this feels like a bad dream, pinching yourself but you’re awake, tragically awake, a weird wiry smile creeps on your lips, an almost laugh escapes your lips before you can feel tears burning your eyes.

“Hello…?” You ask and you don’t know why.

As you venture into the living room, hands firm against the tacky dark pink wallpaper, you found old floral couches that matched the drapes and despite how old school it was it had a charm to it.

Then you saw him.

Perusing the VHS collection filled the entire bookcase on the wall, just rows and rows of VHS boxes, some plastic and some cardboard, the TV boxy and just as antiquated but who cared— he was there.

You ran before you even realized you done it, crashing into him with desperation, tears staining your cheeks and you could barely breath as you tried so hard to speak.

“Homelander please help me!! I’ve been kidnapped!! Please!!” You cried, pulling on his suit– please!!”

Those endlessly blue eyes more poison dart hide than veronica flower bush the more they stared at you calmly, his lips into a thin smile and his hand thad taken your wrist inflicting just enough force to keep you firmly in his grip… to show you how he wasn’t an ordinary man, he looked at you as your tears changed meaning as if you were the most unfortunate creature he’d ever seen, his lips parted just enough to show those sharp canines that had looked so charming in sidewalk posters, now you could sense their presence squeezing at your jugular.

“You are so much prettier in person, Y/N.” His voice is disturbingly soft and calm, intimately quiet as he takes a whiff of your neck, moving you to make it easier, his free hand creeped towards your hip– I was so glad when I saw your picture and you weren’t hideous.”

Trembling against him, a nonexistent cold draft blew against you, your whole body shivering and covered in goosebumps.

His eyes fixated in your breast, mouth agape as his tongue dared to lick his lip, watching you like a starved man at a las vegas buffet, his hand slithering upwards, you know where this is leading, you can’t stop crying but you can’t scream either, you're just there as his hand avoids your breasts and creeps towards your back and presses your bodies together.

“I’m so glad you signed that sheet, I was getting sad endlessly waiting for one of you to agree to the deal” He says quietly, you stare at him and you realize you should’ve actually read that stupid sheet– why so scared? I ain’t gonna bite.” He bites the air as a joke and you could tell that that single bite could have torn your finger off cleanly.

His eyes shift to your clinging fingers that stayed so stiff against his padded suit, you stopped squeezing at him now they rested limp against him.

“Let’s watch a movie…” 

It’s an awkward dance concluding in sitting down on a couch, its surprisingly soft and you’re sinking on the cushion while your mind dissolved in the sky, the coffee table had a humbled spread of snacks, pizza and milkshakes, not once did you notice, you stared at him clutching at your dress as he picked something out of the shelve, watching as his hand worked the VHS player, the clicks and whirling all you could focus on. He sat beside you as the speakers began to play the included trailers, he took the drink urging you to do the same with a menacing look, filling you with incomplete thoughts as you obeyed.

Malt vanilla marinated in your tongue, you had a terrible thought.

‘Milk’ 

You were there to provide milk… to whom? Why just milk? You thought they would sell your body or your organs, experiment on you but… they wanted your milk, but who was buying it? Who was drinking it? Where did it go? You stared at the pretty blond whose arm kept your shoulders still, you saw the news– you’d known he had a child and who knows with whom but his kid was old enough to not need it… was it for him? You thought… thinking of it as ridiculous until you remember how 20 minutes ago  he was staring at your tits as if he was malnourished, you looked at his lips pursing as he took a long sip of his milkshake and wonder if that was milk… from a cow… not a heifer like you.

Homelander smiled at you.

“I don’t like ‘The mothman prophecy’ , never been a Richard Gere fan” he said casually.

“He was really good in ‘Pretty Woman’ . This one is okay…” You looked at the screen your voice so stiff– what’s going on…? Mr. Homelander… I…"

“Shhh… watch the movie” He leaned against you resting his head on your shoulder– you tasted the best… every batch perfection– such delicate custardy taste… So this is what we are gonna do… I’ll keep you in this floor so you’re not so bored ."

You swear he’s purring as he rubs himself against you marking you as much as he was making himself comfortable.

“There’s cameras everywhere… The glass is bulletproof, doors won’t open without a fob and code, and there’s no phones or internet, but if you do manage to get out of here just be aware I’ll know.” He said such terrible things as if it was nothing– if you tried to off yourself there will be 3 armed guards and nurses here in less than a minute but if you behave I promise you– you’ll be allowed out, but only if you gain my trust.” He looks up at you as you focus on those thin lips of his– there’s no kitchen but your meals will be delivered… if you want anything just tell the camera over there.”

He pointed at the corner tucked in between two VHS tapes was a small camera.

“I like you Y/N you're cute… you’ll behave for me, right?”

You nodded, too afraid to disagree.

“Now… let’s finish the movie… I actually like this part”

You stared at the pizza box, you could at least tell that the pizza was from an american restaurant, which made you feel safe ‘Select Pizza and Grill” said in the box and you knew you were somewhere in Pennsylvania, far from your apartment in Clinton Hill.

You looked at your boobs feeling his piercing gaze on them, you started drawing lines connecting weird things together, back when you were donating your milk, girls joked about people buying for medicinal and fetish purposes, this spelled itself out for you.

Maybe you could get out of here… but you had to do something weird… but as you heard the birds outside and the warm light peeked into the room, you realized maybe you could leave… no you’ll leave, you’ll go back home and you would find a way to ruin this man and those bastards beneath you, you’ll get them out too, so you took one courageous breath and forced a smile on your dried lips.

“You really liked it?”

“Huh?”

“My milk…” You mumbled– you know I never tasted it myself but am glad to get a review.”

“It’s really tasty” he bites his lip.

Your hand plays with one of the buttons on the dress.

“It hurts a bit… I usually get asked to pump around this time… dunno if you know this but it's a bit painful when they get this swollen.”

The look in his eyes told you everything you needed to know and as you leaned away from him pulling on buttons with slightly trembling fingers, you watched him follow your movements like a snake chasing prey.

“Would you help me out, mister superhero?” Is not flirty but is slightly playful and you’re surprised that you can lie that well, he’s so shameless as he shakes his head enthusiastically, mouth opening for you– please don’t bite.”

He gasps as you let him see all that he’d wanted from the get go, why he put you in that box, why you ended up in this place for.

His body was lighter than you thought as he sunk against you-- eyes closed, body limp against yours, he made the softest sounds it put you at ease somehow, for a moment you saw a very small being latched on your chest, you’d only experienced it once before, and it was seared into your mind as a painful yet tender memory, so you close your eyes dreaming of a fantasy far removed from this peculiar reality, half lid eyes found a man so blissed out your lips curved, this was unbelievable, the world most famous supe keeping you hostage just so you could indulged him.

But you knew now… that this was your way out.

[froggiewrites]

ONE IN TEN??? THAT'S SUCH A BAD RATIO SEND THAT SHIT BACK TO THE LAB

the fact that even kaido is going "wow this is sick" about this execution and the laughter

[charmedreincarnation]

Let me share you some examples of people outside of a spiritual realm using the law of consciousness. Reading about placebo opened my eyes to realize whether I believe it or not, use it or not, it is always operating.

1. During wartime, particularly in World War II, when medical supplies were limited, the use of a saline solution as a placebo became prevalent. One notable figure associated with this practice is Henry Beecher, a medic during the war. When morphine, a powerful painkiller, was scarce, Beecher resorted to injecting injured soldiers with a saline solution (a mixture of salt and water) as a substitute.The fascinating observation was that many soldiers responded positively to the saline placebo, reporting a reduction in pain. Beecher’s experience led him to further investigate what is now known as the placebo effect. He discovered that even inert substances like saline could elicit a therapeutic response in individuals, highlighting the power of belief and the mind’s influence on healing. Using saline as a placebo during wartime was a practical solution to address the scarcity of medical resources. It allowed healthcare providers to provide some form of treatment while conserving limited supplies for critical cases. The phenomenon observed in these wartime placebo administrations contributed to our understanding of the placebo effect and its role in medical practices.

2. And then there was another placebo test done with surgeries demonstrated the power of the placebo effect in the context of surgical interventions for knee pain.

The study, often referred to as the “fake leg surgery” study, focused on patients with osteoarthritis in the knee. Participants were randomly assigned to either receive real arthroscopic surgery or undergo a sham procedure where no actual surgical intervention took place. The sham surgery involved making small incisions and mimicking the actions and sounds associated with the actual procedure.The surprising finding was that both groups, those who underwent real surgery and those who had the sham surgery, reported similar improvements in their knee pain and functionality. This suggested that the positive outcomes experienced by the participants were not necessarily due to the physical intervention but rather to psychological factors such as the placebo effect.

3. The most fascinating one was this one: The study aimed to explore the role of mindset in reversing some aspects of aging.

In this experiment, Langer and her team created a simulated environment reminiscent of the 1950s to immerse a group of elderly participants. The participants were instructed to act as though they were 20 years younger and encouraged to engage in activities that required physical and mental activity. It aimed to create an atmosphere where the participants felt as if they were stepping back in time.The results of the experiment were described as astonishing. Participants reportedly experienced improvements in various areas, including physical health, cognition, and overall well-being. The study suggested that by changing one’s mindset and engaging in an environment that challenges typical aging stereotypes, individuals may experience positive effects on various aspects of their lives.

4. The Man Who Overdosed on Placebo" is a story about a 26-year-old man, often referred to as "Mr. A," who was part of a clinical trial for an antidepressant drug. In a desperate state of mind, he attempted suicide by ingesting 29 capsules of what he believed to be the experimental drug. This act was triggered by his depression, which had worsened after a breakup with his girlfriend.

However, unbeknownst to him, the pills he had taken were not the actual antidepressant, but rather placebos - essentially inert substances, often sugar pills, used in clinical trials as a control group. Despite this, Mr. A's vitals showed alarming signs similar to those of a drug overdose, reflecting the power of belief over the physical body, a phenomenon known as the "nocebo effect."

The nocebo effect is essentially the evil twin of the placebo effect. While the placebo effect can lead to improvements in health due to positive expectations, the nocebo effect can cause negative symptoms or even exacerbate existing ones due to negative expectations. In this case, Mr. A exhibited symptoms of an overdose solely because he believed he had taken an overdose.

5. Sam Londe, is one of the best but sad classic example of the nocebo effect, as detailed in Dr. Joe Dispenza's book "You Are the Placebo."

Sam Londe was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, a condition known for its grim prognosis. His doctors informed him that he didn't have much time left to live. Accepting this diagnosis, Londe quickly became bedridden and his health deteriorated rapidly, following the trajectory his doctors had predicted.However, upon his death, an autopsy revealed a surprising fact: there was not enough cancer in his body to have caused his death. The small tumor in his esophagus was not large enough or in a position to interfere with his swallowing or breathing. Essentially, Londe didn't die from cancer; he died from believing he was dying of cancer.

This case demonstrates the power of the mind over the body, both positively (the placebo effect) and negatively (the nocebo effect). In this case, Londe's negative beliefs about his prognosis led to physical symptoms and ultimately his death.

I've seen dozens of examples where of stuff like this particularly in the realms of hexing and witchcraft. Honestly, the same could probably be said about subliminals. But it doesn't matter much.Why? Because they work. It's all about observation and choice. You could say it’s the mind but the mind operates on logic. This goes beyond the mind and to your true being, what observes the mind observing the pain in the first place.

Actually I was talking to someone who had been struggling with shifting for a while about this and it really resonated with her which is why I decided to share it. She took a water bottle, labeled it shifting juice and just assumed that when she finishes the bottle she has “full access to shifting powers” is that how it works. Nope. Did she shift after two years of struggling. Yep. It doesn’t matter what story you create yourself whether you want to use logic or not whatever you assume and persist in and know as a fact will harden into truth and therefore reality.I just wanted to share this story bc I find it absolutely hilarious how we sometimes take it so seriously yet it can be so easy. I know placebo is just an assumption. It’s like when you tell children you checked under their bed for the monsters and drafted them and they assume so so they can sleep soundly at night. Call it whatever you want assumption, placebo, it’s all just words and each community calls it something different but at the end of the day it works wether you know the truth behind it or not.

[captain-danwilds]

Helping my sister with her med school applications has made me very aware that Aaron would need to take at least one gap year. Granted early 2000s had an easier process than today (with lower average GPA/MCAT scores, less emphasis on already having clinical experience and higher matriculation rates requiring you to apply to fewer schools), but it would be impossible for him to complete everything required while also doing school and Exy without a gap year.

Ideally, Aaron would need to apply during 4th year playoff season and then complete supplemental essay hell during that following summer (Schools sent you the prompts and you have a week to submit, not too bad except you likely applied to 20+ schools and it’s all roughly happening the same week.) Then 5th year could be used for interviews and letters of interest/updates. But Aaron is not operating on the ideal timeline. He likely had planned to use his summer post TKM to study for the MCAT but instead he has to sit through his murder trial. While I know people who have studied for the MCAT during the school year, they also did nothing besides study during that time, which is not an option for Aaron.

I feel like there’s a lot of potential for angst we’re not digging into because while Andrew graduates and immediately has his next step figured out, Aaron is still figuring things out. He’s also feeling out of sync with all his friends and Katelyn since they largely completed the process when he was doing his 5th year. He’s also trying to balance having a long-distance relationship with a Katelyn who is struggling through her first year of med school on top of all the above nonsense.

However you could also go the comedy route, Aaron and Neil becoming friends during Neil’s 5th year since Aaron stuck around to work as Abbey’s assistant (or at Reddin).

[lysatoru]

I’ll never smile again - Frank Sinatra

a little angst, reader is a neurosurgeon, neutral pronouns, ""friendship"", geto’s death is mentionned, cuss words, mention of death, mention of medical treatment, mention of graveyard

gojo satoru x reader

"time of death 10:34pm"

the monitor beeps. The noise is continuous and getting heavier and heavier to bear. You put down your scalpel, raise your hands and step away from the body. You look around, at a few people in the observatory, friends and journalists who’ve come to watch the first surgery about your experiment on a certain type of tumor, a new surgical approach to removing that tumor. A rather invasive approach indeed, but one that worked in clinical trials.

The intern begins to close the patient's skull. Drops of sweat begin to drip from your forehead, your vision starts to deteriorate more and more, you've got to get out of there. "I killed him, I killed him" goes round and round in your head. You smile slightly at the journalists in the observatory, including your best friend, your friends and Gojo. "I'm sorry, I have to go" you inform the other surgeons and doctors in the OR.

You leave the room quickly. Your best friend has seen the distress in your eyes, she knows you, she knows what you're like. "That's not a good sign" she murmurs before rubbing her face with both hands. Gojo looks at your best friend blankly and gets up, leaving the observatory. "Where are you going?" she asks Gojo "I won't be long" he replies.

You take off your coat, gloves and cap, throw the coat and gloves in the trash and your cap on the floor. You're trembling, suffocating, everyone was counting on you and you failed, you killed him. You needed air, you knew the journalists would be here as soon as possible. You walk into the x-ray room. You see them, the scans of your late patient, "what the hell happened?" you look at them over and over again. You go in circles in the room, biting your lip and rubbing your eyes. You rip the scans off the wall and throw them on the floor, "fuck!". Tears start to roll down your cheeks, unintentionally.

"Are you all right?" you hear a voice coming from behind you, you knew exactly who it was. Gojo slowly closes the door behind him and moves closer, "Everything's fine, everything's fine".

"Everything's fine?! Do you really think everything's fine?! Are you kidding me?!" you reply.

"Shh, it's not your fault you know" he tries to stay calm.

"Who operated on him? Who opened his skull? Who performed an invasive surgical method on him? It’s me!" you lose all control, gojo is not your enemy in this situation, quite the opposite. You move closer to him, pointing at yourself, tears flowing, your voice starting to break little by little

"You need to calm down, it was experimental and you know it" gojo puts his hands on your shoulders

"Do not touch me!" you reply, backing away violently.

He sighs and raises an eyebrow, leans back against a wall, crosses his arms and legs, "I'm not going to teach you your job, but death is part of your job. there are things you can't foresee".

"He was 15! He was 15 and he had a tumor since 13! He died at 15 because of me! It’s not fair!" you say crying your heart out . "Death was almost inevitable, you know that" he replies calmly.

"And what do you know about death? how often do you come into contact with it?" you approach him.

"What do you mean?" he approaches you too, clenches his jaw, the tension begins to build between you. "Don’t start with those things it won’t get us anywhere" he sighs once again. He didn't want to get upset because you'd just lost a patient who was very important to you, but he soon realized that the subject could take a rather dramatic turn.

"You dare lecture me about death and inevitability when you literally killed your best friend?"

— silence.

Gojo straightens up, uncrosses his arms and looks at you, raising his eyebrows, again "What did you say?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" you’ve gone too far.

"Do you really think I wanted this? That I wanted all this?" he approaches you again, his eyes wide.

"I know I didn't, I'm sorry-" you slowly back away

"Do you really think that your job as a neurosurgeon, which you chose, and my job, which was imposed on me, are the same? Do you really think that I don't deal with death? You don't kill patients, you fail to save them, it's not the same. I kill people on purpose, that's the difference between us. — the more he talks, the closer he gets to you, you find yourself leaning against a wall involuntarily. You raise your head more and more to look at him because he's so tall — I have no choice but to do this job, you do. I kill those around me for ungrateful people like you"

"Satoru, please wait-" you start following him

The door slams and you find yourself alone in the scan room, you'd just pissed off the only person who'd come to support you after your defeat, Gojo considered you a true friend so much so that he confided about his friendship with Geto and how much he was suffering today, from his death. You knew that your patient's death and Geto's were incomparable, and yet you compared them. Why were you so stupid?

You start to follow gojo through the corridors but the journalists start to come between you "I'm sorry I have to-", "Did you make a mistake?", "why did he die?", "He was only 15, how do you feel?" fucking journalists. You see Gojo disappear in the hallway.

When you get home, you try to call Gojo, but he doesn't answer. You try to send him messages, but he doesn’t reply.

11:57pm

i’m sorry Satoru i know i fucked up

12:03pm

please, can we talk?

12:32pm

i think i know where you are, i’m coming

You get in your car and head down to the graveyard. A few minutes later you arrive in front of his grave and there he was, crouching, wearing his mask as usual, you've always wondered if it was also a way of hiding his emotions, the eyes speak, but his, what do they say ?

"Hi, you didn’t reply to my texts i was scared" you say softly. He doesn’t say anything. "I’m sorry you know i didn’t mean that" — "Why did you come ?" he say not looking at you but still looking at the grave. "I was worried". He laughs ironically "really ? you really are the last person i wanted to see here."

You decide to approach him a little. "I wanted to make sure you were fine" — "And I am, you can leave now"

You don’t know what to say anymore, it was all your fault anyway. "Satoru I-" — "leave" he looks at you and you decide to leave.

You know he’ll never smile the same again without Geto near him.

hi, first post since almost nine months *tries not to panick*. I don’t know how to feel about this, i think i lost the way i was writing before ? i don’t know. I have a feeling this is botch :( I wanted to try something new but anyway.

even though i’m not a big fan of this work, i’m really happy to writing again^^

if you think i use deepl for this one you’re right 😜👍🏻

[haleus]

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[mrs-stans]

Sebastian Stan

Words Natty Kasambala

Beloved for Captain America, I, Tonya, and his recent Emmy-nominated role in Pam & Tommy, Stan reflects on a career shaped by diverse characters. Now, with A Different Man and The Apprentice, he’s exploring deep questions about identity, ambition, and the complexities of portraying one of America’s most influential (and controversial) men, Donald Trump

Sebastian Stan wears Rag & Bone throughout. Photography Jim Goldberg

The first time Sebastian Stan tried acting, he hated it. At 9 or 10 years old, he played a Romanian orphan in an Austrian film called 71 Fragments of a Chronology of Chance (1994). Between the waiting around, night shoots, and general pressure-cooker energy, the whole experience had been pretty anxiety-inducing. “I think the idea of a set was just really terrifying,” he recalls. The 42-year-old mainstay admits to being a Leo, but a rather reluctant one, he says, not that extroverted or hypersocial. “I know my mom always thought I was creative simply because I would impersonate the people in our family, or birds or whatever I would see around me.” Nowadays, when he does speak, it’s with the compelling ease of someone who’s spent equal time commanding impressive rooms and in their own head trying to crack the great questions of the world – sounding off passionately about the perils of social media (“there’s so much noise in today’s world”) or the last incredible film he watched (Sing Sing and it was “pure heart”).

Born in Romania and raised in Vienna until he was 12, it wasn’t until immigrating to America as a preteen that Stan found his way back to the craft at all. Attending Stagedoor Manor summer camp aged 15, in the Catskill mountains of upstate New York, his spark was reignited. “That place was really magical and made me fall in love with (acting again); I couldn’t think of anything else as exciting to me as performing was,” he says. “Some of it was about not ever being sure of what to be when I grew up. I kept thinking that you could be a lot of things if you did this.”

So far, he’s been a wayward socialite, a cannibal, a space surgeon, a ski patrol villain, a heavy metal drummer, a supernatural student and a World War II veteran turned brainwashed Soviet operative, to n ame but a few. He’s not an actor you’ll find in the same role twice. With that said, his name has reached household status through a decade-long Marvel stint, with the two films Stan finds himself at the helm of this year being his most ambitious forays yet. 33 years on from his awkward beginning, the actor’s commitment to film appears to still be very much in bloom. “I think I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to understand things on a deeper level,” he explains. “I can’t say I know everything, you’re always growing, always having to explore. I think it’s important to stay curious, to stay in a certain degree of healthy discomfort… I want to be part of important storytelling that’s asking important questions and reflecting our time.”

In A Different Man, an A24 production directed by Aaron Schimberg, Stan takes on the role of an aspiring actor called Edward with neurofibromatosis, a genetic condition that results in the extensive growth of benign tumours. He undergoes a clinical trial that cures him of his physical symptoms, but his new life turns out to be far from what he dreamed for himself. It’s a winding surrealist investigation into the social impacts of disability, alienation, representation and self-image: its gaze is unflinching, its narrative self-referential and its humour pitch-black. Stan has already won the Silver Bear for Best Leading Performance at the Berlin Film Festival for A Different Man.

The second release, The Apprentice, follows a wildly different arc. Directed by Iranian-Danish filmmaker Ali Abbasi, it tracks a young Trump as he falls under the nefarious mentorship of infamous legislator Roy Cohn. Dubbed ‘an American Horror Story’, it’s a sobering yet deeply entertaining snapshot of the making of one of America’s most influential men. Yet even within the dynamic, prescient story, the actor’s take on Trump is subtle and human, and the tone of the film is less moralising and more matter of fact.

Though the narratives of these two projects are starkly different, you can’t help but find the common threads. Both are set in New York and document a transformation, and both centre a feverish pursuit of some ideal imagined self. A Different Man was filmed back in 2022, and The Apprentice only wrapped in February of this year, but Stan agrees it’s a curious double-header. “I’m weirdly finding parallels between them that I never thought I would. Identity, self-truth, self-abandonment. This idea that we’re always chasing in America, whether it’s image or status or an inability to accept failure and to take ownership over mistakes.”

For the Trump film, that real-life denial was almost the ending of their work of fiction. After years of false starts, Trump’s legal team attempted to block the film’s release in the US altogether and they struggled to find a distributor willing to take on the risk of pissing off a potential President. “For to edit it and get it to Cannes in some finished version itself in five months was just insane. There was no idea if the movie was going to come out,” Stan says. On an individual level, the task felt equally murky and intimidating at first. “You’re trying to tell a story about somebody that’s so famous, who everyone has an opinion about: either extreme love and adoration or hate and animosity. And everyone’s got a version of the guy, so you think, well what do I…” he shrugs, “how do I find my way into it?” Ultimately, they landed on this film as a means of peeling back the layers of one of the most polarising figures of our time. It’s less caricature and more character study as it explores his relationship with his father, his ambitions, the man he was before the slogans and affectations.

Executive producer Amy Baer has spoken about the choice to call on a non-American director to provide a new lens on the intricacies of American culture, propaganda and patriotism. With Stan’s own immigrant story, his perspective adds another dimension to that prism too. Memories of walking down Fifth Avenue in awe and wonder as a kid, staring up at all the big buildings – he tapped into a hunger and drive to portray early Trump as a young man desperately trying to be a part of The Club. “I guess with my experience coming to this country, it was communicated to me even from Eastern Europe that this is the place where you can make something of yourself, you can have a good idea… and you could just succeed,” Stan says. The Apprentice asks, “but at what cost? What happens to a person’s humanity?”

Throughout the film, you witness Trump espousing about “bringing back New York”, even remarking on Reagan’s campaign slogan ‘Let’s Make America Great Again’ towards the end, an ideology he would go on to repurpose for his own candidacy. It’s a fascinating yet depressing origin story of a nationalistic rhetoric that echoes today as a Trojan horse for corruption and greed. “It’s complicated. That’s why I think there’s value in exploring it,” Stan urges. “This American Dream idea is a really powerful driving force that also comes with consequences.”

Perhaps the most complex part was the toxic relationship with his sometimes-partner-in-crime played staggeringly by Jeremy Strong. “I think he was the best partner I’ve ever had in anything I’ve worked on,” Stan declares with a smile. “You know when you’re standing in front of a fire and you feel the heat of it and there’s crackling in the air? That’s how it felt.” Amidst quite a gruelling, isolating filming schedule, it’s the aspect Stan speaks about most fondly.

Clothing Fendi, Necklace & Bracelet Cartier, Boots Givenchy

Swinging between dominant and intimate, transactional and paternal, from comical to devastating, both stayed in character throughout the shoot and undertook a colossal amount of research to be prepared for infinite possible improvised routes. “Creatively, makes things interesting is when you’re not in control. You do all this preparation to be prepared to be surprised,” Stan says. Shot documentary-style in moments, Abbasi might give each of them notes in private to shift the tone of a scene, and they’d find themselves responding instinctively within their roles. “The only way you can achieve that is if, to some degree, you find that person in you. And I can certainly tell you,” he pauses briefly to consider his landing. “There is a version of Trump that existed in me. And I’ll make the argument that there’s a version of Trump that exists in all of us. And that part of our job, part of our interest, should be figuring out what that is. I think we have to acknowledge and expose the things in us that are not so easy to admit, in order to further protect the things we need to fight for. You can’t ignore it.”

In that moment, it’s clear that it’s an argument as true of our discourse on Trump as it is of Stan’s other role in A Different Man. His character Edward is driven to obsession and madness when he witnesses the thriving life of a person with the same disfigurement he was quick to shed, the very thing he believed to be the root of all his misfortune. Right before his transformation, Edward has been ignoring a leak in his ceiling for weeks, and the damage is getting worse. When he’s finally forced to call for a repair, the super arrives and is appalled at how bad he’s allowed it to get. He tells Edward frustratedly, “you should have fixed this sooner”. In that moment, it feels as though he’s talking about a hundred things at once. From Edward’s own issues with doubt and self-acceptance that cling to him even when he is no longer ‘different’ to our own society’s discomfort with, and the misunderstanding of disability altogether. We cannot be afraid to look.

“Edward makes a decision that he thinks is going to improve his life, but he’s not making it for himself. He’s making it because he’s watched other people and he’s grown up in a society that’s told him this is what works,” Stan explains. “Essentially, he abandons himself and he spirals down trying to further live with that painful acknowledgement. I think we have to be conscious of when we’re making decisions that go against who we are and what we truly want.”

In true indie style, squeezing in around the schedule of their makeup artist who was on another project at the same time, Stan had some hours to kill most mornings in prosthetics before filming which he’d spend navigating the city he calls home: “one of the gifts that I was given which I’m very grateful for was the experience that I had walking around New York City as Edward.” With reactions to him ranging from invisibility to hypervisibility, it shifted his entire understanding.

“I’ve been there like everybody else thinking, oh, if I had that. Or you see someone on Instagram and you’re like, oh my God, look at that life, they have the best life; you get caught up in these things.” It’s both reassuring and a little disheartening that, unlike his superhuman alter ego, a star like Stan is still not immune to the very human insecurities us civilians face of joy-stealing comparisons. “There’s this idea I’ve been thinking about a lot with my therapist actually,” he laughs. “He was saying ‘I am me and you are you.’ I was like… yeah! But you forget. We have to understand our own experience and then understand someone else’s. But we have to try to understand it not through our own emotional… vomit.”

When I ask Sebastian what he does for fun, to unbecome his characters and shed their existential weight, he cites reading (mostly non-fiction) and travel (to see other cultures). “I always feel like I’m not learning enough,” he laughs. You get the sense that this year is a juncture for Stan, always revered for being grounded and likeable, but perhaps waiting for opportunities like these to enrich and express other sides of himself as an actor and voice within culture. “Both of these films came at an interesting time where I’m thinking about if I’m at mid-life, this second half of my life. What is it that I want to be a part of and one day look back and be proud of?”

And that’s not to say fun is off the table for Stan. He’s passionate about laughter as a release in a difficult world. “I think it’s just as important, we have to protect humour,” he tells me with an urgency. “I love comedies, romantic comedies, action.” In fact, there’s a top-secret action movie passion project that he has in the works and hopes will come together in the right way. “There are also things in Marvel I want to do and explore with ol’ Bucky Barnes,” he smiles, presumably in reference to the new Marvel film Thunderbolts, slated for a 2025 release, in which he stars alongside Florence Pugh, Harrison Ford and David Harbour. “Otherwise I just want to keep learning how to be a human being. I’m telling you,” he laughs, “I feel like it’s pretty hard.”

Photography Jim Goldberg Styling Reuben Esser Production Hyperion LA Hair Jamie Taylor using Augustinus Bader Hair Erica Adams Represented by A-Frame Agency

[lisalicharles]

Using Sugam to Improve Clinical Trial Monitoring Services

In the evolving landscape of healthcare and pharmaceuticals, clinical trials remain the cornerstone of developing new medical treatments and therapies. Effective monitoring of these trials is crucial to ensure compliance with regulatory standards, safeguard participant safety, and validate the integrity of data. This is where clinical trial monitoring services play an indispensable role. When coupled with platforms like Sugam, these services streamline the process, bringing efficiency and transparency to clinical research.

The Importance of Clinical Trial Monitoring

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Participant Safety: Monitors are responsible for the safety of the participants. They ensure that any adverse events are promptly reported and managed according to the regulatory guidelines.

Data Integrity and Quality: Accurate data is vital for the validity of a clinical trial. Monitors perform regular checks to ensure that the data collected is accurate, complete, and verifiable against source documents.

Regulatory Compliance: Clinical trials must comply with various regulatory requirements. Monitors ensure that the trial meets all necessary regulatory guidelines, which is crucial for the trial's approval and eventual publication.

The Role of Sugam in Clinical Trial Monitoring

Sugam, an online portal, has revolutionized the way clinical trials are managed and monitored in India. It serves as a single-window interface for various stakeholders in the pharmaceutical and clinical research sectors, including sponsors, researchers, and regulatory authorities. The integration of clinical trial monitoring services with Sugam offers several advantages:

Streamlined Application Process: Sugam simplifies the submission and approval process for clinical trials. Researchers and sponsors can submit their applications, amendments, and reports through the portal, reducing the paperwork and time required for approvals.

Real-time Monitoring: With Sugam, monitors can access real-time data and updates on the progress of a clinical trial. This enables them to identify and address issues promptly, ensuring that the trial stays on track.

Enhanced Transparency: Sugam enhances transparency by providing a comprehensive view of all ongoing and completed trials. This transparency builds trust among stakeholders and ensures that the trials are conducted ethically and efficiently.

Efficient Communication: The portal facilitates efficient communication between sponsors, researchers, and regulatory authorities. Any queries or concerns can be addressed swiftly, minimizing delays and misunderstandings.

Benefits of Integrating Clinical Trial Monitoring Services with Sugam

The integration of clinical trial monitoring services with Sugam offers a synergistic approach that enhances the overall efficiency and effectiveness of clinical trials. Some of the key benefits include:

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Better Data Management: The digital nature of Sugam allows for better data management and analysis. Monitors can easily track and review data, ensuring that it meets the required standards.

Enhanced Participant Safety: With real-time monitoring and reporting capabilities, Sugam helps in ensuring the safety of participants by enabling quicker responses to any adverse events.

Conclusion

The integration of clinical trial monitoring services with platforms like Sugam marks a significant advancement in the field of clinical research. By streamlining processes, enhancing transparency, and ensuring compliance, this combination paves the way for more efficient and effective clinical trials. As the healthcare landscape continues to evolve, such innovations will be crucial in driving forward medical research and improving patient outcomes.

In conclusion, the synergy between clinical trial monitoring services and Sugam not only enhances the operational efficiency of clinical trials but also ensures that these trials meet the highest standards of safety, quality, and regulatory compliance. This integrated approach is poised to transform the future of clinical research, making it more robust and reliable.

[wri0thesley]

cw: dottore, yandere, human experimentation

dottore does not have favourites. a test subject is a test subject, and he has no shortage of those; a never ending conveyer belt of human bodies that come through his laboratory, that he uses until he can no longer squeeze any useful information from them. it is easier not to even regard them as people; merely flesh, merely fodder.

but when one of his clones had brought you in . . .

with those wide frightened eyes, with the shape of your body not quite hidden beneath the thin medical gown, with words spilling out of your mouth cleverer than he could remember mere fodder ever being . . . well, to use you on just any experiment would have been a terrible waste. not when you were so nice to look at and, too afraid of silence to let it linger on, kept asking him questions as if you cared.

so he takes your blood samples and your tissue samples, your vitals - gives you medicines and injections until every test he runs has perfect results. jerks off, even, imagining what you’d be like if he used you in his ruin machine experiments, if he decided to use you in clinical trials for his cures, thinking about you hooked up to machinery and whimpering and tossing and turning and begging. when you ask him a question with your voice all a-tremble, he takes great relish in explaining everything to you in detail.

in letting his fingers run over your flesh as he wonders aloud about all of the things he could do to you. in letting his fingers touch you bare when he ought to be wearing gloves; in using both a scalpel on you to open a wound, or sometimes even his teeth. in keeping you neatly sequestered in your own little room, with an operating table only for you, with leather straps lined with silk to keep you restrained so you don’t hurt yourself.

most of those under the doctor’s care expire in twenty four hours. that you have been his for months is merely testament to how . . . fascinating you are. no, no. a test subject is a test subject, and dottore tells himself - as he presses a cold kiss to your sweat-slicked forehead, when you have passed into exhaustion and drug-fuelled oblivion, when his fingers run over your bare skin and he imagines carving his name into you, leaving a part of himself inside you lodged in your ribcage or your spine, drilling into your pretty head until all you can think about is him - he does not have favourites.

[kurishiri]

21 . . . alfons main story — blind love

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— cw: wound aggravation and general medical talk.

With the help of Roger and the others, who came running, Alfons was carried back to Crown castle——

And there, Roger started an emergency operation.

That night, which felt extremely long to the point one second felt more like one hour, finally started to melt into the dim morning...

And that was around the time footsteps coming up the staircase resounded to the tall ceiling.

Seeing Roger come out from the basement, I ran to him in haste.

Kate: ...How is Alfons?

Roger: I did what I could.

R: Fortunately, I managed to suture the most vital blood vessels where the bullet penetrated.

Liam: Wait, that’s possible?

Roger: Just as the skin and intestines can, the same goes for blood vessels.

R: ...That said, it’s thanks to the many years of research my father, who’s a town doctor, had put into this.

R: Afterward... I used Elbie’s blood for a blood transfusion, so all we can do now is pray that his blood is compatible.

Kate: Blood transfusion...?

It was the first I heard of many words Roger had used, so it was a bit difficult to understand.

Roger: It’s a method of receiving blood from others, to make up for what was lost.

R: But the rate of success in clinical trials is low, and it’s a risky method.

(It’s risky... then, when he said the only thing we could do is pray his blood is compatible...)

Kate: What would happen, then, if the blood isn’t compatible?

Roger: In the worst case... he dies.

Kate: ——!

Roger: ...But, if we didn’t do it, then Al would have definitely died during the night.

He said that when that much blood was lost, to an extent, surgery and blood transfusions were a gamble.

Roger: Whenever I had the chance, I would draw the blood of Cursed ones here and did some experiments,

R: and from what I observed till now, Elbie’s blood shared the most reactions with Al’s.

R: So that’s why, we bet on him being able to adapt. Sorry about that, Kate, for not explaining to you earlier.

Kate: ...No, it’s fine. I know you were doing what you could.

(Since Roger had been researching the Cursed ones’ abilities for a long time, he was able to dive right into the surgery.)

Kate: So thank you very much. ...I’ll also believe for the best and wait.

Roger: ...Sounds good.

R: If he keeps a pretty lady like you waiting and doesn’t wake up, that would make full-on make him the idiot of the century.

Ever since then, the flow of time seemed more vague.

I could hardly bear even a second away from Alfons’ side as he remained unconscious...

And the only times I left the basement were to eat and take a shower. Other than that, I would spend all my time by his side, where he slept on the bed,

as I was scared that, were I to take my eyes off him, he would suddenly disappear.

(...ngh... h-huh...? Oh no, I fell asleep—)

I was supposed to pass the time at his bedside once again today, praying for the best,

But it seemed that at some point, I fell asleep atop the sheets.

(How is Alfons...)

I propped my body up with a start to check on the sleeping face that had been like that every day for the past few days.

(——W-wait, huh...?)

Kate: ...No way...

For a moment, I couldn’t grasp reality, and my mind went blank.

Alfons’ complexion was far off from a normal sleeping person’s.

It was so pale, it looked as though no blood flowed through there at all.

His lips had also lost all their colors, and they were chapped.

Kate: A-Al... Alfons...?

In a panic, I leaned over him on the bed.

Albeit faint, the movement of his chest even after he had lost consciousness now did not move an inch.

Kate: No... I don’t want this... please, no...

The tears I had always dearly tried to hold back overflowed then, and on an instinct, I held tightly onto his chest.

I held onto a faint thread of hope as I tried to strain my ear for any signs, but I could not hear even a single sign of his heartbeat.

The sweet fragrance Alfons gave off softly wrapped itself around me.

(Not yet... please...)

(I don’t want to ever forget that this scent was your——)

Kate: ...?

When I thought this, the fool called I finally realized something was off.

(Hm...?)

—— Flashback ——

(“To die without leaving his mark on anyone’s memories”——such was Alfons’ tragic fate.)

(When Alfons dies... at that moment...)

(The members of Crown, the friends Alfons would play with, the people in the slums, me, anyone and everyone...)

(...will all end up forgetting about him.)

His name, what he looked like, the scent he gave off... and the fact he even existed in this world altogether.

—— End flashback ——

(Alfons... he looks deceased... but——)

Kate: I... I still——haven’t forgotten... about you...

The moment those words came out in a whisper——

???: ...Dear me, it would seem you’ve come to your senses more quickly than I anticipated.

???: Were it that I could witness more of your grieving and crying... truly, a shame.

Kate: ...——!!

At the voice I’ve grown more than familiar with, blood rushed through my entire body as I stood up with a start.

There, with a smile filled to the brim with genuine mirth was——

Alfons: Well, how was it? My acting as a dead person, that is.

[1] The worst! (+4 / +4)

[2] You’re so mean.

[3] You fiend!

Kate: The worst! The absolute, utter... worst... hic...

Alfons: Well, as I am sure you are more than well aware by now, I am indeed the worst.

A: But even so, you fell in love with me, even for that, did you not?

I wanted nothing more than to give him a slap, if not for the fact that even more tears spilled, so I couldn’t see what was in front of me.

Tears continued to spill one after the other, each teardrop staining Alfons’ shirt more.

Kate: The worst... of the worst... ๐·°(⋟﹏⋞)°·๐!

Alfons: Ouch——won’t you go a tad easier on me, the wounds are stitched there... ow, ow, ow...

I weakly hit his chest with my hand, and while laughing, he slowly sat up.

Kate: Just why... would you do such a thing...

Alfons: .........That is a very good question. Why did I indeed?

A: Say, have you ever thought that there is no bigger mystery to ourselves than our own heart?

Kate: Wh—stop dodging the question! Because I won’t forgive you until you give me an answer!

Alfons: Alright, alright, I understand. You can stop hitting my chest over and over now, yes? I can feel it even with the strength of a kitten.

When I did as he asked, he stroked his fingers gently through my hair, which hung from the nape of my neck, before he let it flow to my shoulders.

Alfons: ...When I awoke, I saw you, face down asleep on the bed,

A: and seeing the back of your neck out so defenseless like that... an impulse tickled me silly, you see.

Kate: Isn’t that a bit too mean for something that was supposed to ‘tickle you silly’ though...!

(Even if you thought about such a thing for a moment, you wouldn’t actually do it!)

(...Under normal circumstances, that is.)

Realizing that the words he said were far from the ones I’d normally hear, I glared at him through teary eyes.

Alfons: My, cut me some slack, why don’t you. Can’t you think of this as my revenge for having lost the bet and let it go?

A: You will become my plaything for life, won’t you?

(T-this man, I swear...)

He was frustrating, infuriating, and annoying to boot.

But——more than that, he filled my heart to the brim with happiness, and...

Kate: That goes without saying...!

I was a mess of tears as I hugged Alfons——

Alfons: ...Hehe, have you the heart to forgive me now then?

(His body, and his life... they are still here in my arms...)

(And the fact Alfons still has a place in my mind too——I’m so happy...)

Kate: ...If you promise me that you’ll take responsibility to the end,

K: and tear my life to bits and pieces, then I’ll forgive you...

Alfons: Ahha! What’s with that condition?

Kate: I don’t know either...

Up until now, the depths of my heart was in despair, but now I felt the happiest I’d been in my life, my heart a mess.

(But, despair, happiness, and everything else——)

(If these scars can be left on this body as memories of Alfons... I want to accept them all.)

(I want all of what’s inside me to be filled with the scars he leaves.)

From now on, and for as long as possible, forevermore.

Alfons: However foolish you may be, I am just as much so.

A: Well, if you say so, it cannot be helped.

A: I will make a mess out of your life, and fill your body with wounds so deep, they can never disappear again.

A: By all means, let me be the one to drive you to insanity… and make you regret it all.

Alfons murmurations sweetly melted.

Kate: Please do...

It was the worst confession of love——but that very one brought me to the peak of happiness.

While seeming fed up with my tears that kept falling, he wiped them with his bare fingers.

Alfons: ...Goodness, to think such awful words could render you a puddle of happy tears...

A: I am more than sure, even if I were to scour the entire world, you would be the only one.

To feel his warmth made me so happy, I rubbed my cheek on his palm.

(I want us to touch each other more... but.)

(First things first, I should have Roger check up on him.)

Kate: ...Wait here a moment, I’ll go get Roger!

Alfons: I would rather do quite literally anything else other than see that man’s face the moment I wake up, thank you very much.

Kate: And now’s not the time for that.

Alfons: Indeed, more than that, since we have decided on loving each other to the fullest now,

A: how about we do pleasurable things?

Kate: W-what in the world are you...!?

Those naughty hands slipped from my back to my waist——

And my body, long used to the pleasure, reacted on its own.

(Wait, I can’t get carried away...)

Kate: N-no, we can’t.

Alfons: But why? And here I thought you no longer needed anything else to blame.

Kate: It’s not that...

K: I-I also want to do it... feeling good with you, that is. ...But——

K: While I no longer need an excuse to do it... I do have a reason not to, so we can’t.

Alfons narrowed his eyes at that, seemingly interested.

Alfons: And what might that reason be, if I may ask?

Kate: Of course, what else could it be but because I hold you dear?

He widened his eyes in response, blinking two or three times.

Kate: You’ve lost a lot of blood, and you just had a big surgery done on you, and you were asleep for some days too.

K: So, until I know for sure that you are alright after being properly examined,

K: Those kinds of things are off limits, for both you... and me.

Alfons’ eyes widened as though he had just been told something ridiculous, before he started giggling.

Kate: W-what is it?

Alfons: Oh, sorry, it’s just... I was just wholeheartedly admiring you for how direct you show your love...

Kate: ...Are you sure you don’t mean ‘making fun’ of me?

Alfons: Aha, out of the box so soon?

As always, my feelings were being played by him like a toy.

(But even so, that’s alright... in the end, that’s what I always think.)

(And somehow... that makes me a bit frustrated...)

At least in a show of resistance, I turned my face away.

Alfons: ...Hehe, are you sulking, by any chance?

Kate: Hardly. Are you sure you’re not being too self-conscious?

Alfons: Goodness, to say such a thing to your lover, my heart might break.

Kate: !? What’s with that, suddenly calling me your lover and whatnot...

Alfons: Why, is this not what a relationship of loving each other to the fullest is called?

(Me, and Alfons...)

Just that one word made me feel as though all my frustrations would be pulled out of me, but I remained obstinate as I kept my head turned away.

Alfons: Are you not taken by it? Now that’s quite a sad thought.

Kate: No, it’s not that! It’s just, now’s not the time to be talking about this...

The body that had wrapped its arms around him was now in his, leaving me with no escape.

Kate: L-let go of me, or I won’t be able to get Roger...

Alfons: Absolutely not. ...Turn toward me, won’t you, Kate?

to be continued…

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[gowns]

i have been reading about the prisoners in israel.

i wish i could quote this whole page. just read it.

--

i have been following samidoun, which is a palestinian prisoner solidarity network. here is an article on one of the prisoners who have been assassinated this past week.

On Tuesday, 24 October, less than 24 hours after the assassination of Palestinian prisoner Sheikh Omar Daraghmeh, 58, fellow Palestinian prisoner Arafat Yasser Hamdan, 25, was martyred in Ofer prison by Israeli occupation forces, only two days after his arrest by the occupation forces. Hamdan was among over 1,000 Palestinian political prisoners seized by the occupation throughout the West Bank, Jerusalem and occupied Palestine ’48 following the launch of the Al-Aqsa Flood operation by the Palestinian resistance on 7 October and amid the ongoing genocide it is waging against the Palestinian people in Gaza. Samidoun Palestinian Prisoner Solidarity Network joins the Palestinian prisoners’ movement in affirming that the martyrdom of Arafat Yasser Hamdan represents a clear policy of assassinatiion and murder by torture targeting the Palestinian prisoners that is part and parcel of the genocidal war on the Palestinian people. 

As in the case of Daraghmeh, who was martyred in Megiddo prison, the occupation prison administration claimed that Hamdan, from Beit Sira, near Ramallah, had sudenly “felt unwell and was transferred to the prison clinic,” where he was declared dead. The healthy 25-year-old was arrested only 2 days ago, meaning that he was likely under interrogation when he was martyred.

It is notable that the killing of Arafat Yasser Hamdan took place in Ofer prison, where the Palestinian Prisoners’ Affairs Commission released just today a list of the ongoing severe conditions imposed upon the Palestinian prisoners held there. There are currently approximately 6,300 Palestinian political prisoners jailed as well as approximately 4,000 Palestinian workers from Gaza who have been rounded up into Zionist prison camps. As Samidoun stated upon the martyrdom of Daraghmeh, “The massive escalation of arrests aims not only to undermine the organization of resistance, solidarity and rising struggle against the genocide in Gaza, but also in an attempt to prevent the resistance from achieving a prisoner exchange for imprisoned Palestinian leaders, strugglers serving life sentences and other prisoners that the occupation wants to avoid exchanging for the release of its prisoners of war.”

As the occupation continues its genocide against the Palestinian people in Gaza, which has already taken over 5,700 Palestinian martyrs’ lives, it is conducting a simultaneous campaign of targeting the prisoners, up to and including assassination by torture. All Palestinian prisoners in Ofer are subjected to collective punishment, including the confiscation of all electrical devices, including heating plates, televisions and radios (denying them access to news of the assault and the resistance); cutting electicity to the sections throughout the day; denial of access to the courtyard; destruction of sports equipment; cutting off of all hot water; closure of the kitchen; constant room searches and raids; overcrowding of the prison rooms; and the continued escalation of administrative detention orders. Palestinian prisoners whose sentences have ended are being ordered jailed without charge or trial rather than released.

Arafat Yasser Hamdan has become the 239th martyr of the prisoners’ movement, lives taken through medical neglect, colonial imprisonment, torture and outright assassination. The occupation continues to imprison the bodies of 12 martyrs of the prisoners’ movement (incluing Daraghmeh) alongside hundreds of strugglers for Palestine whose bodies are held captive.