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herondaleholly31 · 5 years ago

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That’s My Girl Chris Evans X Reader

Overview: You and Chris are going to see your daughter perform in her first talent show. Chris helped with her performance and its a little different from what you would’ve expected...

AN: Another Chris one for you guys! Now that Knives Out is coming out, I’ve had people desperate for more Chris, and this idea melted my heart. This is inspired by a scene from one of my favourite TV shows if you know it message me ;) Thank you for the support as always!

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Word count:2300

"nononono" you panicked as you felt you ankle wobble dangerously. Running on cobblestones In heels was dangerous, and a broken ankle was the last thing you needed right now. You slowed down to an uncomfortable fast walk-jog, willing for your ankles to not snap like sticks. It had started to snow, the first time this winter, and you buried your chin into your scarf so to keep your teeth from chattering. The clock in the local church chimed 7:30 causing your head to whip up in alarm and your heel to skid across a particularly icy cobble. You felt your whole body move back and that gut-wrenching shot of panic flashed through your brain as you saved yourself at the last minute from falling. You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, the third time in the past half an hour. You fished it out and shoved it between your ear and shoulder, rounding the corner to beams of saturated yellow light "I'm here, I'm literally outside…… I'm fine love…..yes there was an issue at work that I had to stay for, but I'm here now……okay……I'll see you in a second."

Oak-field catholic school came looming out the darkness, brightly lit up with banners already hanging limply from the steady fall of snow. You skidded up the steps, taking two at a time, to almost trip and fall on the last one. You bag swung around on your shoulder and almost took out a grandfather walking behind you.

"I am SO sorry, Sir!" You gasped "Honestly If I've hurt you-"

"Swinging for the elderly?" A voice joked "I thought we said you wouldn't do that anymore." Chris was standing by the open door, smiling. He walked over, apologised once more to the old man and his wife, before turning back to you, shaking his head. He was wrapped up in a dark jacket over his favourite blue shirt, and his shoes had been cleaned, so they gleamed; he had obviously dressed up the occasion. His hair was still a little messy from a day of running his hands through it, and the sight alone caused you to sigh with joy.

"I'm an addict I couldn't help it," You joked. "Hi."

"Hello." He grinned. He pulled you in for a quick hug, planting a soft kiss by your ear. "How was your day?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Duly noted. Come on," Chris kept his arm hooked around your waist as you both walked into the school "the show hasn't started yet."

"I thought I was going to miss her."

"And that would've made you a terrible parent."

"It would've." It was good to relax and joke around after the day you'd just had, you could already feel the knot in your shoulders start to loosen. You said hi to Lina's mum as you passed and nodded to Sister Margret, who jerked curtly back. The pair of you was just quickly catching up about to head into the hall when a small voice could be heard just behind to you.

"Dad?"

Connie had poked her head out the backstage door. She looked like she was going to be sick; pale skin, sweaty forehead, her nails bitten down to the surface. Her eyes were wide and desperate, and this caused Chris to run over and lean down on one knee. You watched from a distance; Connie didn't like being nervous in front of you because she knew it caused you to become overprotective. You saw Connie shake her head and the words "I can't do it," be said before Chris lightly put a hand over her mouth. He shook his head and spoke soft words, moving the hand to then to bring her head forward so he could kiss the top of her head. Chris said something that caused your daughter to laugh weakly before she said something that caused a belt of laughter from him. He then pulled her in briefly, their cheeks squishing together as he hugged her tight before chivying her lightly towards the door. One last high five and then she slipped backstage again, leaving her Dad to run back over to you smiling.

"Everything okay?"

"yea she's fine. Last-minute nerves. We've been rehearsing all day though so she knows what she's doing."

"I'm just looking forward to FINALLY seeing this secret performance," you said as you entered the auditorium where rows of creaky chairs were set up facing the stage. The sound of a generic TV show single was on a loop through the speakers on either side of the stage, buzzing slightly with the increase of base every few seconds. The air of you headed to two seats in the third row on the inside end, meaning you had the perfect view without having to crane your necks. There was a pause while you both flicked through the programme and said hi to parents of friends and to say hi to that one hysterical fan (there was always one) before you couldn't resist any more.

"Are you going to give me ANY hints about what she's doing."

"Nope."

'Nothing at all?"

"It's a surprise."

"Should I film it?"

"Oh absolutely," there was a glint in your husband's eye that for some reason caused you to become suspicious "we're never going to want to forget this."

You wanted to ask more, but then the lights went down and a thunder of applause. One of the sisters was standing just by the stage with a microphone in one hand and a notebook in the other, from which she read out "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Oak-field's Talent Extravaganza. Now, please put your hands together for Alice and her jumping juggling friends."

*******

"She's next, she's next!" You squired in your seat with impatience, excitement starting to bubble in your chest. Chris handed you his phone, and you set up the camera, propping it up on your bag so the performance could be filmed. "I'm nervous, why am I nervous she's doing the show not me. Oh gosh, I'm panicking-"

"Hon she's going to be fine!" But he still reached out and grabbed your hand, squeezing it in reassurance. His jiggling knee also gave it away that he too was feeling a little nervous, and that oddly calmed you a little.

The lights went down once more, and there was a smattering of polite applause. Lina walked out first, her smile full and confident, strutting over to her spot with rehearsed purpose before standing with her hand on her hip, poised. Connie, with her smaller physique and her curly hair already coming loose from her ponytail, gave the image of someone who was more reserved and shy. You watched her eyes rake the crowd before she caught your eye. You gave her a small wave; Chris lifted his arm so his thumbs up could be seen over the group. This reassurance caused Connie to nod in determination, before gripping her hand onto her hip, smiling widely. A click of the stereo and the slightly tinny sound of an old Judy Garland song started to play. This granted a nod of approval from Sister Margret. A very devout woman of the church who before the show had sent a list of songs and artists that were "recognised as inappropriate and would therefore not be tolerated." She was also a massive Judy Garland fan and had, therefore, lacked hesitation when putting the girls into the show. The CD stuttered, then the tinny backing track to "somewhere over the rainbow" rang out through the old speakers. The girls started their routine, slowly swaying back and forth, little voices sweet and nervous but to you the loveliest sound. You beamed widely, tears already clogging your eyes and pride burst through your chest. Everyone else saw the charm in it too; the grandparents in front of you cooed at each other about how cute she was. You wanted she lean over and say "she's my daughter," but that would distract you from the show.

A couple lines in, however, the music scratched, stuttered, and then stopped. The hall was silent. Both girls stood in stage, looking at each other and then back out into the audience. Your heart lept into your mouth. You tried to catch Connie's eye, but this was causing you to panic more. "We have to do something," you hissed to Chris.

"Just wait."

BAM! Bass blasted out of the speakers, shuddering the ground. Both girls grinned widely before throwing off the big jumpers they both wore, to reveal t-shirts decorated with flashing stars to match the socks they both pulled up to their knees. Horrified, you heard the lyrics to an all too familiar song.

'I was like

Good gracious- ass is bodacious

Flirting to show my patience

I'm waiting for the right time to shoot my steez….'

And without hesitation, both girls started dancing perfectly in time, jumping, sliding and turning, never missing a note as they lip-synced along. There was a roar of noise from the audience, a mixed response of anger and howling laughter. You turned to Chris, who was roaring with laughter, rolling back and forth on his chair, clapping loudly.

"You taught our daughter the lyrics to Hot in Here by NELLY?"

"But," Chris had to collect himself for a second he was laughing so hard "but doesn't she look great!"

"CHRISTOPHER!"

"It's a great song! Look, they're just coming up to the chorus." You turned back in time to see you, daughter, mouth the lyrics I am getting so hot right now, imma take my clothes off before throwing herself into a cartwheel. You were so shocked you burst out laughing, and then you couldn't stop. It was brilliant, they'd obviously spent hours on it. The audience was loving it too, most of their classmates cheering them in next to their slightly shell shocked but amused parents. The Sisters, on the other hand, looked horrified, Sister Margret was shaking in her seat, her face so stern it looked as if her forehead was about to crack in two. She started to feverishly whisper to the sister next to her. She jumped out of her seat and scurried behind the speakers, desperately trying to unplug them. Connie and Lina kept going, never missing any lyrics or steps. The speakers were eventually cut off, and the hall erupted into thundering applause. Chris stood up, whopping and pointing proudly at his daughter. "That's my girl! That's my daughter!" You laughed at his yells of pride and stood up with him, clapping widely. The lights went up, and Connie's eyes went straight to the pair of you. She was blushing, but when she saw you, she beamed and waved. A sister grabbed both of them by the shoulder and frog-marched them off stage to a waiting Sister Margaret. She beckoned Chris over too, and for the first time, Chris's jubilation faltered.

"I think I'm about to get told off."

********

"Again," Chris said for the fourth time "I am so sorry for getting you into trouble honey." Connie poked her head up from her giant bowl of ice cream.

"It's only a week of no break times Dad. Besides, it gives us time to learn our next dance."

"Next dance?" You frowned.

"Lina's older sister wants us to do another dance for her birthday, to a song called s&m?" Connie shrugged "should be fun."

Chris's eyes widened, but you shook your head. Maybe not tonight. Instead, he went up and refilled all your ice cream pots, putting on so many reeses pieces the ice cream was lost. It was Connie's favourite though, and she squealed in delight before tucking in once more.

"But I'm proud of you." Chris threw his arm over his daughter and brought her into his side, her head barely reaching his shoulder. He kissed her head and smiled proudly towards you "didn't she do amazing?"

"You did amazing," you smiled.

Connie blushed once more. "Lina was better at the dancing than me."

"Are you kidding? You got moves, kid! Just like your mother," Chris winked, this time causing your cheeks to tinge pink. Praise and jokes were exchanged until it was time for them to go, the streets cold and icy with snow. Although she was nearly 9, Chris hooked Connie by her armpits and swung her onto his shoulders, one hand holding onto her wriggling foot, so she didn't fall off. The other handheld yours, making sure he kept close to you as you gingerly walked in your heels to the car. The snow was still falling in from the sky, and it stuck to your coat and to Chris's beard and made Connie look like a little old woman, her hair was so white. She squealed in delight not caring, sticking her little pink tongue out, trying to catch any snowflakes. It was the perfect image, and you feel your heart warm, seeing your small family together.

'I haven't done something yet today," Chris suddenly said.

"What?"

Chris stopped you for a second to lean in and give you a quick kiss, his lips warm and slightly cracked. He broke then there was another, and then he brought your intertwined hands up to his lips to kiss your hand, where your matching wedding bands knocked against each other. There were flecks of white clinging to his eyelashes, and his eyes glittered from the string of lights everywhere. "I love you both so much."

"I love you too."

"Love you three times !" Connie smiled. You both chuckled and continued to walk towards the car "Love you four times" Chris retorted.

"Love you five times."

"Six times."

"Ten times."

"A hundred times."

"One Gazillion and three!" Connie yelled, her smile triumphant.

"Wow. One Gazillion and three," Chris smiled to you "we're pretty damn lucky."

You squeezed his hand. "We really are."

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lepus-arcticus · 4 years ago

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Happy asks! favourite: flower, smell, sound, dream, memory, destination, hero, band, city, fruit, vegetable, hobby, feeling.

🥰!

Flower: big thick lush bodacious boticelliesque peonies. My mother grows them and cuts giant bouquets for the table that feel like an embarrassment of riches

Smell: yeast blooming in a bowl for fresh bread, sage simmering in butter, my husband’s skin, the world after rain, wheat fields in late august after a week of sun

Sound: my baby’s voice as she chatters and squeals, singers harmonizing in an echoey old church, really good bluegrass banjo

Dream: once I dreamt I was in a leather canoe on a narrow river cutting through a landscape of ice and snow, and it was a peach and cherry sunrise, and everything was so quiet and peaceful. That one’s always stuck with me.

Memory: I think any time I’ve had a really good view of the night sky. Looking up in the foothills of the Himalayas and seeing completely different constellations and the moon like a bowl... a dark country road and the Milky Way on a 2am date with my husband... a sleepless night camping in California.... also, reaching down while giving birth and touching the top of my daughter’s head for the first time. That was something else.

Destination: I can’t rightfully call myself an Alberta girl if I don’t say the Rockies.

Hero: This sounds extremely corny, but my husband is my hero. He’s so cool and interesting and fundamentally good.

Band: Christine and the Queens!

City: Copenhagen really made an impression on me! I’d go again just to spend days in the National Museum.

Fruit: Cantaloupe is the unsung hero of our times

Vegetable: Broccoli does a lot of good work around here, but I’d be betraying myself if I didn’t pledge my allegiance to the humble onion!

Hobby: I love knitting!! And when I was pregnant I fell in love with sewing up little plush dolls! But with the bebe the free time is quite limited, so I sort of had to narrow things down to just writing.

Feeling: When I manage to put down a sentence that feels exactly right. Walking through a grove of big old trees in autumn. When my daughter sleeps on my chest. The first sip of a really good latte. Thank u so much for this little meditation!!

#husband this husband that sorry I'm such a cancer venus

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zen3to5 · 4 years ago

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J/H 7-23: Take It or Leave It

I suspect some of you reading this rewrite are more interested in what happens in this episode than in the season finale. This was certainly the moment of the show I was most interested in changing, and spent the most time on, once I decided to go past Season 5. I hope you enjoy it.

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT It’s a quiet night in the basement. HYDE sits in his chair, sunglasses off, head bowed in thought over the coffee table. He’s bent far enough over that SCHATZI, sitting on the table, can sniff at his hair. DONNA, sitting on the couch, and ERIC, enjoying a popsicle while standing behind the couch, watch Hyde with great amusement. ERIC: So, Hyde – it’s Friday night. Weekend’s coming up. The end of another week. Almost the end of the month. The month Jackie said you had to decide whether to marry her or let her go take that TV job in Chicago. HYDE: (looks up) What’s your point? ERIC: Oh, no point – I just like throwing that in your face. Donna chuckles, swats Eric on the arm. DONNA: Hyde, don’t you think it’s a little cruel to make Jackie sweat it out all month? I mean, shouldn’t you just get it over with? HYDE: Get what over with? DONNA: Well, you’re gonna say “no” to marrying her, right? Unless... She and Eric gasp together. Eric drops his now-empty popsicle stick, and Donna’s right hand goes over her mouth while her left hand grips Hyde’s arm. DONNA (cont’d): Oh, my God, you’re thinking of saying “yes!” ERIC: Oh, my God. You want to marry her. DONNA: (mocking) You want to marry her because you love her. ERIC: (doing Hyde, to Donna) “Jackie, you’re everything this poor little orphan boy ever needed.” DONNA: (doing Jackie, to Eric) “Oh, my God, I really am!” HYDE: Would you two shut up? I don’t know yet, okay? And, if I say “yes,” it isn’t because I love her. Love is a concept cooked up by Madison Avenue to sell to losers who’re too afraid to be alone. ERIC: Uh, no, you’re thinking of kittens. He exits up the stairs. Hyde sighs, sets Schatzi down on the floor and starts fidgeting with his eyeball ring. Donna slides down the couch, closer to Hyde’s chair. DONNA: You really don’t know what you’re gonna tell her, do you? What, you’re not sure if you want to wake up every morning to – (doing Jackie) “Steven, we need new patio furniture! Steven, I need $200! Steven, don’t forget the PTA meeting!” She laughs; Hyde scowls. DONNA (cont’d): (serious) Or are you not sure she should stay here? HYDE: (sighs) Look, remember when Red got sick, and Forman had to stay home but you were still gonna go to college, and he didn’t ask you to stay? And then when you were gonna get married, and he didn’t show up? He didn’t not do those things because he didn’t want to be with you. He just didn’t want to see you give up on your dreams and ruin your life. He let you do that on your own. DONNA: What do you mean? I didn’t ruin my life. Radio DJ was the kind of job I was gonna go to college for, and I got that job anyway, so I didn’t need to go. I mean, okay, I thought I would travel more – or at all. I thought I’d get to do more of the writing. Point Place doesn’t get the biggest acts anymore. My boss is a skeevy perv. And I only stayed for Eric, and now he's going away, so... She frowns, looks off in thought. From the corner of her eye, she notices Hyde staring at her. DONNA (cont’d): Hey, this isn’t about me! This is about you and your loud-mouthed girlfriend, and if you don’t give her an answer, she’s gonna flood every station in the area with non-stop ABBA requests until you do! She sits back in a huff, arms crossed. Hyde sighs and bends down to scratch Schatzi’s ears.

MAIN CREDITS BUMPER INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY Breakfast with friends, invited or otherwise. FEZ and KELSO sit at the kitchen table, each with a plate of bacon, eggs, and sausages. Eric stands across from them, between the table and the stove. A sheet of paper is in his hand; his practice teaching notes. He pays them an occasional glance as he tries out a lecture on Fez and Kelso while they eat. ERIC: “And so the baby, safely nestled in a tiny craft, is sent to safety, and is found by a loving couple who raise him as their own until, one day, when that baby is fully grown, he learns the truth about his identity – and his destiny. Now, you may be thinking, ‘that’s the story of Moses.’ But what if I told you that it’s also the story of... Superman.” Kelso’s jaw drops and Fez’s eyes bulge. KELSO: Whoa. He stabs at some eggs with his fork and, without looking away from Eric, lifts them up to Fez’s mouth. Fez takes the bite and does the same thing with a sausage for Kelso. KELSO (cont’d): (with mouth full) If church had talked more about Superman, I might’ve paid more attention when Moses was knocking down the walls of Bethlehem to save Noah from the Trojan horse. ERIC: Pretty great, huh? And UW wants to expand the class’s appeal to ladies, so I’m working on a whole series of lectures about female empowerment in Wonder Woman. FEZ: She can empower me right into the bedroom, if you know what I mean. KELSO: You know what I always thought would be great? If you did it with Wonder Woman, but she kept her bracelets on the whole time. And then, if she brought the lasso of truth, she could get freaky with the lasso, and then... other stuff could happen. Fez nods approvingly. FEZ: Do you think the lasso would work on I Dream of Jeannie? Or would the genie magic grant her immunity? KELSO: Did you just suggest a Wonder Woman and Jeannie three-way? FEZ: Or Samantha from Bewitched. KELSO: Or Wonder Woman, Jeannie, and Samantha from Bewitched! He and Fez share excited gasps and dopey grins. Eric looks between them, eyebrows raised. ERIC: Okay, guys – do me a favor and never visit me at UW when classes are in session. RED and KITTY enter from the living room. Red gives Eric a contemptuous once-over. RED: (to Eric) Well, well. If it isn’t the University of Wisconsin’s newest teacher. A lazy smart mouth who just wasted a year of his life sitting around in my basement, and who wasted most of the other seventeen years also sitting around in my basement. ERIC: “Lazy?” I’ve spent all day, every day since I signed up for the pilot teaching program putting together lectures, reading lists, lesson plans – I even picked out Star Wars curtains for the classroom! RED: Well, isn’t that great – you’ve finally come around to making some use of your time, and you spend it plotting out how you’re going to “teach” a lot of useless crap. Kitty tuts, swats Red’s arm, and pushes past him to Eric. KITTY: No, no. Honey, we are so proud of you for finding a way to pay for college and get started on your career. In Madison. The big city. Where there are concerts and restaurants and laundromats and you’ll never have a reason to come home to your mother. (sniffs) Who I guess will just stay here and die. Lip quivering, she turns away and tends to a plate of bacon remaining on the stove. RED: (to Eric) Teaching a pilot class that nobody can make any practical use of and making your mother cry. I guess that’s all in a day’s work for Professor Dumbass. ERIC: Okay, you know what, Dad? I don’t have to take this anymore. Because I did exactly what you wanted me to do. You wanted me to pick a career – I picked one. You wanted me to go to college – I’m going. I even found a way to pay for it on my own. And you’ve just been a jerk about all of it. But I’m out of here at the end of the month, and until then, we’re done. He gathers his notes and exits out the patio door. Kitty crosses to Red, smacks him on the arm again. RED: Ow! That one hurt! KITTY: Serves you right. Eric’s right, Red. Would it kill you to show your son a little pride and support? RED: For what? It’s not like he’s gonna be teaching anything useful. KITTY: You think the only “useful” things are the things they taught you in the war! How many times since Korea have you had to fix a bayonet onto anything? KELSO: (to Red) You know what? I bet the reason you’re being so mean to Eric is ‘cause you’re sad he’s gonna be gone, but you don’t wanna admit it. FEZ: (to Red) Aww... someone is feeling the empty nest. They both snicker. RED: No, but I’m feeling like your asses are empty. And I’m about to fill them with my foot. He gives the boys a cold stare. The grins fall from their faces. They jump to their feet and race out the patio door. BUMPER MUSIC NOTE: “I Want You to Want Me” by Cheap Trick. INT. RADIO STATION - DAY WFPP control room, early afternoon. “I Want You to Want Me” continues; it’s playing on-air. Donna sits at the control panel. JACKIE is with her, in a spare seat she has rolled back against the wall. Donna turns off her mic, takes off her headphones, and turns to talk to Jackie. DONNA: I don’t know, Jackie. I mean, what if Hyde’s right? What if I’ve wasted a whole year of my life, just like Eric? And now he’s going to college and I’m gonna be stuck here in this dinky town, trying to get good music in between farm reports and ads for Benny’s Bodacious Bods Gym. JACKIE: Okay, Donna? No offense, but the only words of Steven’s I’m interested in right now are “yes, Jackie, I will marry you.” (sighs) God, why did I open up my heart to him? DONNA: Yeah, I was a little surprised. I thought for sure you’d just try to manipulate him. I mean, the bitchy stuff is your bread and butter. JACKIE: You know, I had fake pregnancy right up my sleeve, and I didn’t use it. Now I’m the vulnerable one, waiting for his answer. DONNA: Well, Jackie, you did give him until the end of the month. JACKIE: Which is almost here. Look, I thought, “if I really put myself out there, he’ll see how much I love him and say ‘yes’ right away.” And when he didn’t, I thought, “okay, well, maybe he’ll take a couple of hours or a couple of days and then say ‘yes.’” But now I think he’s only taking so long ‘cause he’s gonna say “no.” She puts a hand to her face and turns away. Donna stands, crosses to her, and pats her back. The control room door opens, and MAX enters with a stack of records. His long absence hasn’t changed his sense of style or scruffy facial hair. The girls don’t notice him at first, or he them; he crosses the room, sets the records down, and only on turning around does he see Donna and Jackie. MAX: Donna? Donna looks up, sees Max. She smiles and crosses to give him a hug. DONNA: Max? Oh, my God! Where have you been? No one’s seen you since the Steve Miller Band concert. MAX: Well, after I did the interview with Stevie, I bumped into someone from security. Knocked the drink tray he was carrying out of his hands. He said “wassa matter, you on dope?” And then one thing led to another, and... well, I’m back now. But I’m surprised you’re still here. Weren’t you and your boyfriend going to UW together? DONNA: Oh, well... you know. Some things happened. (beat) Hey – how did you end up working at WFPP? I mean, was a small town radio station where you thought you’d end up? MAX: Oh, no. No, I had my wild years, following the tour buses, traveling with talent I managed, living and covering the music scene from New York to L.A. Eventually, you get tired and want to settle down. And it’s a good thing we have going here. DONNA: But you had your wild years first? MAX: (nods) And that’s a good thing too. He gives her a small smile, and Donna smiles back. Their moment is interrupted by the arrival of the diminutive MR. RANDALL, as stodgy as ever. He knocks on the doorframe to claim attention. MR. RANDALL: Max! What have I told you about leaving your music recommendations on my desk? You do it again and you’re out of here. For the last time, that Huey Lewis and the News group isn’t going anywhere! He storms out. MAX: (to Donna) Of course, not everything about this place is a good thing. He grunts and exits. CUT TO: INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY Later in the afternoon. Kitty sits at the kitchen table, enjoying a cup of tea while she reads the newspaper. Red enters from the basement, a box loaded with old toys, games, and posters in his arms. One G.I. JOE sticks out prominently from the load, as does a CANDYLAND BOX. He sets it down on the island, and the sound draws Kitty’s attention. KITTY: (points at box) What have you got there? RED: Nothing much. Just a few of Eric’s old things. KITTY: (stands) Oh-ho! Seems like Michael was right after all. Seems like someone’s upset that his only son is leaving us in a few weeks and went looking for a few of this baby boy’s things to remember him by. She chuckles, raps the table with her knuckles, and folds her arms, very smug. RED: No, Kitty. I’m hauling some busted parts from the muffler shop to the dump later, and I figured I’d get rid of some of Eric’s old crap while I’m at it. Kitty’s face drops like a rock. KITTY: How can one man be so completely devoid of sensitivity? RED: Easy. It was blown off by shrapnel on Okinawa. Red picks the box back up and exits into the living room. CUT TO: EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY Overlapping with the end of the previous scene. The Vista Cruiser idles in the driveway. Eric and Hyde are seated in the patio chairs. Eric looks through the patio door into the kitchen, watching Red leave, while Hyde leans back and relentlessly taps his foot and fidgets with his eyeball ring. ERIC: Man, can you believe Red’s being such a hard ass about this pilot teaching program? Hyde gives Eric a look. ERIC (cont’d): What? HYDE: You’re gonna be teaching nerd books and Scooby-Doo to college kids and you’re surprised Red Forman’s making fun of you? Man, how is it that I’m the long-term guest in your house, and you’re the one who doesn’t get your dad? That’s like Han Solo knowing better than Luke Skywalker about Uncle Owen being a hard ass about the moisture farm. Eric breaks into a dopey grin. ERIC: Hey – did you just - HYDE: Don’t get weird on me, Forman. I’ve gotta plan out my whole life before the end of the month and I’ve gone through my whole stash. ERIC: Man, why is this such a big deal? I mean, Jackie’s basically letting you off the hook. It’s like the greatest going away gift ever – never having to see or hear Jackie Burkhart again. HYDE: Oh yeah, it’s the perfect gift. It’s free, she didn’t have to wrap it, and it makes me wish I was dead. (sighs) Screw it. I’m not getting anywhere just sitting here. There’s only one place a man can turn before making a huge decision like this. ERIC: Dive bar? HYDE: Dive bar. You drive. They stand, clap each other on the back, and head for the Vista Cruiser. FADE TO BLACK COMMERCIAL BUMPER INT. DIVE BAR - EVENING A dive so din, dark, and dank that even Bud Hyde wouldn’t tend that bar. A small, disreputable looking lot populate the place, which boasts a dart board, pool table, and a few short round tables, all occupied. Eric and Hyde enter and immediately make for two open bar stools. Eric sits to Hyde’s left; a TRUCKER is already seated to his right. He doesn’t acknowledge the boys, and they don’t acknowledge him. Eric signals the BARTENDER for two beers. ERIC: Man, Hyde, look at us. I’ve got my future in college to prepare for, you’ve gotta decide what to do about Jackie, and yet – here we are, about to get so drunk it’ll be a miracle if we can make it home with us and the Vista Cruiser all in one piece. (beat) I’m gonna miss this. The bartender places two bottles of beer in front of the boys. HYDE: (to Eric) You know, if anybody responsible we know was here, they’d tell me I’m not gonna find the answer to my problems with Jackie at the bottom of this beer. But you never know until you look. ERIC: And, if it’s not in that one, it could always be in the next. They pick up their bottles, clink them together, and take a big swill before slamming them back down on the counter. Slow push-in on Hyde’s bottle, and we begin: MONTAGE. SET TO “YOU REALLY GOT ME” BY THE KINKS. A) Hyde’s one bottle is now two. Slow pull out as Hyde, now tipsy, lifts up the second bottle, takes a swallow, and leans against a still-sober Eric. HYDE: Okay – I made up my mind about Jackie. I’m gonna marry her! I’m gonna be Mrs. Jackie Hyde! He takes another swig of beer and slams the bottle down. Push-in on the bottles, and cut to: B) The two bottles are now four. Pull out as Hyde, now properly drunk, swings one of the bottles around as he spins his stool to face Eric. HYDE (cont’d): How dare she give me an ultimatum! This is my life she’s messing with! She can go to Hell! I will see her in Hell! He throws his head back, empties the beer bottle down his throat, and slams it back on the counter. Push-in on the bottles, and cut to: C) The four are now seven. Pull out to find an off-balance Hyde and a now-drunk Eric with their arms around each others’ shoulders. HYDE (cont’d): What the hell’s so great about Chicago anyway? And you’re getting out of here, Donna won’t stay here forever – what am I supposed to do? Spend the rest of my life in that basement, babysitting Tweedledee and Tweedletard? No way she’s leaving me alone with that! He and Eric both swoop up their bottles, take a drink, and slam them down. Push-in on Hyde’s bottles, and cut to: D) Seven is now ten. Pull out as Hyde pounds a fist down against the counter. HYDE (cont’d): What the hell is she thinking, wanting to stay around here? This is her life she’s throwing away! (to Eric) Would you stick around here for a burnout living in your parents’ basement? No! No, you wouldn’t! No way I’m letting her do that! He grabs a bottle, takes a swig, and finds it empty. He tosses the bottle over his shoulder and signals the bartender for one more. Push-in on the remaining bottles, and cut to: E) Extreme close-up on Hyde’s loose, slack-jawed, spacey-eyed face. He’s well-loaded at this point. HYDE (cont’d): You know what, Forman? I’m a little confused. But I do know that I love you, man. I really, really do. He leans to his right, and we pan with him as he puts an arm around the trucker and kisses him on the cheek. The trucker shoots him an evil eye, and Hyde leans back slightly. HYDE (cont’d): Hey, where’d Forman go? Pan to the left as Eric, now well off-balance, leans in and taps Hyde on the shoulder. ERIC: Still on your left, buddy. Pan right as Hyde looks back to the trucker and offers a sheepish grin of apology. The trucker responds with a punch to the face. Hyde just manages to keep his balance long enough to throw himself back at the trucker and tackle him to the floor and out of frame. Eric spins around for a better view of the fight. He’s slack-jawed and glassy-eyed himself, but still with it enough to pump a fist and cheer Hyde on. ERIC (cont’d): Whoa, Hyde! You – you get ‘em, man! You got ‘em! You got ‘em! You... you really don’t got him. Wow. This is not good. He looks all around the room; no one’s coming to help. Eric sighs and picks up his bottle. ERIC (cont’d): Well, I had a future all planned out. There are worse ways to go. He takes a swig, slams the bottle down, and leaps into the fray. BUMPER MUSIC NOTE: “You Really Got Me” continues. INT. CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT THE CIRCLE – or a half-circle, at least. Donna sits at the control panel, headphones on – she’s in Hot Donna mode. She sits to the left of the microphone, and Jackie, also with headphones, sits to the right. A diffuse cloud of smoke fills the control room. A stick of incense, propped in a bowl set under the mic, burns softly. “You Really Got Me” wraps up. Donna flips on the microphone and leads in. DONNA: This is WFPP, and you’re listening to Hot Donna. (plays bacon noise) That was “You Really Got Me” by the Kinks, requested by Jackie Burkhart. Pan across the microphone stand to Jackie, who waves at the microphone as if it were a camera. Pan to Donna. DONNA (cont’d): Jackie, you’ve been here in the studio with us for about four hours now. You got anything you’d like to say to the listeners at home? Pan to Jackie. JACKIE: Yeah, there’s something I don’t get – why would Sally sell seashells by the seashore? That’s a terrible location for a seashell stand! Pan to Donna. DONNA: You know, you’re right. I mean, if she wanted to make money, she would sell seashells by the subway. Pan to Jackie. JACKIE: You know what she should sell by the seashore? Shoeshines. ‘Cause your sandals get so sandy. Pan to Donna. DONNA: Sandy sandals... we should start a girl band called Sandy Sandals. (into mic) That’s right, Point Place – you may have just heard the launch of Hot Donna and the Sandy Sandals. She and Jackie both giggle. But it doesn’t last for Jackie; pan to her, we see her face fall as she blinks away the beginning of tears. Pan to Donna. DONNA (cont’d): Jackie, what’s wrong? Pan to Jackie. JACKIE: Well, sand reminds me of dirt, and dirt reminds me of Steven. She puts a hand over her eyes. Donna’s hand reaches over to rub her back. Pan to Donna. DONNA: For those of you just joining us, Jackie has been requesting songs from the mix tape she made her boyfriend, Steven Hyde, who she’s waiting on a very important answer from. Hyde, if you’re listening, Jackie is down here at the station with me. So if you’re listening – get over here, give her an answer, and get her out of my studio. Jackie’s hand reaches over to shove Donna, but Jackie’s laugh rings out. Donna smiles, laughs, and shoves back. They get into a playful tussle. Cut wide – the Circle is broken. Mr. Randall and Max enter the recording room. Max looks bemused, Mr. Randall horrified. MR. RANDALL: What the hell is going on here? The girls break apart. Max sniffs the air, waves away some of the smoke around his face. MAX: Donna, did you get into the stuff I hid in the Hendrix sleeve? Mr. Randall turns on Max, aghast. MAX (cont’d): I mean – what’s that smell? Mr. Randall clearly doesn’t believe that, but he lets it go, turning on Donna instead. MR. RANDALL: (points to Jackie) Donna, what is this little twerp doing in the recording room? Jackie gasps, jumps to her feet. JACKIE: “Little twerp?” Excuse me? I’m Jackie Burkhart! I’m on TV! That’s twice as good as radio – that’s just science! MR. RANDALL: (to Donna) Get her out of here. DONNA: No! Mr. Randall, Jackie’s my friend. She’s having a hard time right now, and we’re working through it together – live, on-air. It’s a new format for Hot Donna – lovers’ tolls and rock n’ roll. Jackie nods. Max chuckles, but Mr. Randall is not amused. MR. RANDALL: The only format gimmicks I want are the ones we can sell with billboards of blondes in halter tops. Now if you want a long-term career at my station, you’re gonna stick to the regular format. The princess of Munckinland can cry somewhere else. Jackie takes a step back in shock. Max, behind Mr. Randall’s back, gives him a dirty look. Donna looks from Mr. Randall to Jackie, to her microphone and all around the studio. She takes her headphones off, stands, and crosses to Mr. Randall. DONNA: You know what, Mr. Randall? I don’t want a long-term job here. In fact, I don’t want any kind of job here anymore. Mr. Randall frowns, tilts his head; he doesn’t understand. But Max gives Donna an approving nod, and so does Jackie. Donna smiles at them both and races back to the microphone. DONNA (cont’d): You hear that, listeners? This is Hot Donna’s last broadcast on WFPP, thanks to scum-sucking Mr. Randall, who you should feel free to protest. But you can still find me on the student radio at UW, where I’ll be attending this fall with my student teacher boyfriend. He’s pretty scrawny, so if you see any football players coming for him, help him get away. Jackie races over to the microphone. JACKIE: And make sure to tune in to next week’s Jackie on Point Place Public Access! It may be our final show – it all depends on the answer my boyfriend gives me! Ya hear that, Steven! She and Donna grin. Donna puts an arm around Jackie’s shoulders. DONNA: And if that boyfriend says “no,” then Hot Donna and the Sandy Sandals get a van and spend the summer touring America! She flips on the next song – “Lovin’ Touchin’, Squeezin’” by Journey. Mr. Randall throws his hands up and exits, while Max nods approvingly again and crosses to join the girls as they sway to the music. BUMPER MUSIC NOTE: “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’” continues. INT. FORMAN GARAGE - NIGHT The garage is in relatively tidy shape. Red’s Toyota rests comfortably in the center, and a large tarp is draped over an indistinguishable shape. Red stands at his work station. His back obscures whatever he’s working on as Kitty enters with a jar of preserves and sees Red. KITTY: What’ve you got there, Red? More of our only son’s favorite toys? What, the dump was too far, so you’re just gonna go at ‘em with a ball pin hammer? Red gives a little jump; he didn’t hear Kitty come in. He turns to face her, still shielding his project. RED: Um... The garage door ratchets up, and Eric enters. His shirt is torn, his eye is black, and his hair is ruffled, but he’s never looked more alive. His parents have never looked more shocked at his appearance, either. Eric relishes in their reaction for a second, then points at Red. ERIC: That’s right, Dad. It’s your son. “Professor Dumbass.” Guess what? I was at a bar. I was in a bar fight. And I WON a bar fight! Yeah, Eric Forman and Steven Hyde got in a bar fight, and I’m the one who saved his ass! With moves I learned from – guess where – Batman, Luke Skywalker, and Hong Kong Phooey! He strikes a karate stance and does a few air chops. Red and Kitty turn in toward each other to share a look. As Red turns, Eric gets a look at what’s on the workbench. ERIC (cont’d): Dad, is that my old G.I. Joe? Red tries to move back in front of the bench, but too late – Kitty pulls the box of Eric’s things from earlier into her arms and goes through it. Except for the Candyland box, everything’s still there. KITTY: Red, these are Eric’s things you had earlier in the day. Are you keeping them with you in your workplace here? Eric takes a step toward Red. ERIC: Dad – you’re gonna miss me, aren’t you? He and Kitty both smile at Red, who looks like a caged squirrel. He squirms as he looks back and forth, from his son to his wife, until he finally straightens up and clears his throat. RED: Yeah, well... (to Eric) If you’re back home more than once a month, I’m throwing all this crap on the grill. He turns back to his workbench. ERIC: (softly) I’m gonna miss you too, Dad. A slight relaxing of the shoulders lets Eric know Red heard him. Kitty steps around Red toward Eric. KITTY: Honey, did you say you saved Steven from a bar fight? ERIC: Sure did, Mom. KITTY: You? Saved Steven? ERIC: Yeah. He’s in the Vista Cruiser, trying to put his shades back together. KITTY: Are you sure? Maybe – maybe you drank so much, you – you got a little turned around. ERIC: Okay, I’m feeling really good about myself, so I’m just gonna leave before anyone says any... not good things, and go find Donna. But first – I may have saved Hyde from the bar, but now I’ve gotta take him to face a fate worse than death – an ultimatum from Jackie. A gasp from under the tarp startles everyone. Fez and Kelso stick their heads out from under it, with matching eager faces. KELSO: You think she’ll kick him in the nads this time? The Formans all glare down at them. RED: What the hell are you two doing in my garage? He rips the tarp away. The Candyland game is set up between Kelso and Fez, with small piles of M&Ms by both boys’ knees. Kelso and Fez look down at the game. They look up at a fuming Red. They scramble to their feet and bolt from the garage. Fez turns around, slides back to the board, gathers up the candy, and flees again. CUT TO: INT. PINCIOTTI LIVING ROOM - NIGHT The girls are home. They share the couch. Jackie, looking much less happy, is curled up on one end with a bowl of popcorn, while Donna sits at the other end. Some instrumental rock plays on the radio. JACKIE: Oh, my God. He’s gonna say “no.” Steven is gonna say “no,” Donna. I know he’s gonna say “no.” DONNA: Jackie, you gave Hyde ‘til the end of the month. He’s still got time, and I’m sure he’ll do the right thing. Marriage is just a big step, and you know Hyde always waits until the last minute to do unpleasant but necessary things. Jackie tosses a handful of popcorn at Donna, who silently laughs and waves it away. Eric enters, head held high. ERIC: (to Donna) Hey there, toots. Donna looks up, sees Eric. She smiles and crosses to him. DONNA: Eric, I have great news! I quit my job! ERIC: Wow! (beat) Why? DONNA: I’m gonna go to UW with you. I’m enrolling in the journalism college and working at the student radio station. We can get an apartment, and we’ll finally be together. ERIC: Donna, that’s so great. He and Donna embrace and kiss. It’s only when they pull apart that Donna notices the state Eric’s in. DONNA: Oh, my God. What happened to you? ERIC: I won a bar fight. DONNA: (beat) Okay, no, really. ERIC: Well, if that’s how you feel, I’ll just go have sex with someone who’ll believe me. He takes a mock step toward the hallway. Donna, grinning, pulls him back. They embrace and kiss again, but Eric pulls back. ERIC (cont’d): One second. He looks around Donna to Jackie. ERIC (cont’d): Hey, Jackie? I got something for you. He gestures to the doorway into the hall; no one is there. Eric steps into the hall, looks around, and then down at something to the left. ERIC (cont’d): Oh, here it is. He bends down and hauls something up. He drags it into the living room – “it” is Hyde, his shades crooked and his lip busted. Hyde finds his footing and shoves Eric away. HYDE: All right, all right! You’ve done enough, Forman. And I could’ve handled that fight myself. I just needed that guy to be shorter. And drunker. Jackie stands. JACKIE: Steven? Hyde looks up; he’s just noticed Jackie is there. HYDE: Hey. An uncomfortable silence settles into the room. Eric and Donna back up to the far wall as Jackie and Hyde meet in the center, a few feet apart. “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John comes on over the radio. HYDE: (beat) So – month’s almost over. JACKIE: Yes. (beat) Do you have something to say? HYDE: Yeah. Do you have a place to live in Chicago yet? A bolt of hurt crosses Jackie’s face. Her eyes turn glassy as she clutches at her chest. Eric shakes his head and Donna looks away. JACKIE: (voice shaking) Yes. HYDE: Good. Jackie bows her head; she’s already started to cry. HYDE (cont’d): Is it in Chicago, or out in the suburbs around Chicago? ‘Cause big cities are full of connections, but if we’re in the suburbs, that might be a problem. I don’t want to have to look too hard or drive too far. Jackie, Eric, and Donna are all speechless. None of them knows exactly where Hyde’s going with this. JACKIE: Steven, what are you saying? HYDE: What, man? I’m saying – forget this ultimatum crap. You wanna go to Chicago? Let’s go to Chicago. Eric and Donna’s jaws drop. Jackie’s does too. She wipes her eyes and reaches a hand out but stops short of touching Hyde. JACKIE: Wait – Steven, are you saying you’d want to come with me? (he shrugs) But – but what about your job? Your future – HYDE: Jackie, before the Formans took me in, the only “future” I saw was hopping between stints in prison and abusing squatter’s rights so I could say I wasn’t technically homeless. I never saw a future. I just took what came along. I still don’t have a plan for the future, except... except you. And, since you do see a future, and it’s in Chicago... I want to be with you. He takes his shades off and tosses them on the couch. With a deep breath, he pulls his eyeball ring off his pinky and holds it out to Jackie, who gasps quietly and takes a step back. HYDE (cont’d): I love you, Jackie. Marry me? Jackie stares at the ring. Eric and Donna lean in, eager for more. Jackie looks up at Hyde’s face. JACKIE: Your eye ring? Her tone is hard to read. Hyde stirs. HYDE: Look, I know it’s not a diamond or anything, but it’s the only ring I got, and – Jackie throws her arms around Hyde’s neck and pulls him into a deep kiss. When it ends, they’re both out of breath. HYDE (cont’d): (beat) So that’s a yes? The tears are back in Jackie’s eyes, but they come with a smile, the brightest smile Jackie’s ever had. JACKIE: Yes. Hyde gives a relieved sigh; he’s smiling too. He slips his ring onto Jackie’s ring finger and takes her hand in his. A glassy look comes to his eyes – something not missed by a beaming Donna and Eric. DONNA: (points at Hyde) Oh, my God. Tears. Tears of joy. ERIC: (sniffs) She really is everything our little orphan boy needed. Hyde and Jackie both give half-laughs, half-sobs. HYDE & JACKIE: Get bent. Even with that sentiment, Hyde opens his arms as Donna and Eric cross to hug him and Jackie in turn. They quietly slip out of the living room as Hyde and Jackie embrace again. Hyde wipes away Jackie’s tears and she plays with the ring. It’s too big for her finger; she doesn’t care. They kiss as the music swells beyond the radio to fill the scene. ELTON JOHN (v.o.): Hold me closer, tiny dancer Count the headlights on the highway Lay me down in sheets of linen You had a busy day today... FADE TO BLACK CREDITS INT. FORMAN GARAGE - NIGHT Fez and Kelso, back at their game. The lights are all out and the tarp is gone; they sit on the ground in the dark, playing by the light of a flashlight Kelso shines down on the board. RED (v.o.): I’m coming into the garage. The boys jump up. Kelso shuts off the light. The screen goes black. We hear frantic footsteps and a loud crash. FEZ (v.o.): Ai! END.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5+#fan fiction #fan script

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confrontingbabble-on · 5 years ago

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It’s Time For Religion To Lose It’s Tax Free Status...

And be properly recognized for what it is...a for-profit business...and part of the entertainment industry*...!

Religion is group participation in fantasy role playing...improvisational theater...acting “as if” (something were true**)...part pseudo-psychotherapy...part monkey see-monkey do...or Simon Says...employing repetitive fantasy story telling...which may help with personal development a little, but more often encourages supporting sectarian bigotries and hate-acts against minorities and out-groups...and dampens a person’s sense of personal responsibility, individuality, and innate moral proclivities...through in-group peer-pressure...

Read... How US churches exploit tax exemption to promote faith-based politics...https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/nov/20/us-churches-tax-exemption-faithbased-politics

Related...

Christian Missionaries Say Paying Taxes Is ‘Against God’s Will’ — Judge Makes Them Cough Up $1.6 Million...

”Individually, Mr. Beerepoot is to pay $1.159 million (US$811,000) while Ms. Beerepoot now owed $1.166 million (US$816,000). The total sum ordered to be paid was more than enough to pay for the original $930,000 in income tax debt and other costs, such as administrative costs and interest charges.

The family has already had their 2.44-hectare property in Northern Tasmania seized by the Meander Valley Council after they refused to pay $3,000-worth (US$2,100) of fees on the property over seven years because the property “belonged to God.”...

All in all, it looks like getting the family to pay their taxes may have been God’s plan all along...!”

https://allthatsinteresting.com/beerepoot-family-back-taxes

* one day the Tony Awards will make a special category for religious improvisation...with categories including...Most Outrageous Act Of Greed By A Minister...Most Bodacious Lie That Congregants Swallowed...Closest Display To Utter Insanity...Most Elaborate and Outrageous Cover-Up Of Sexual Abuses...

** see https://positivepsychologynews.com/news/shannon-polly/2015062531882

#nonreligious #atheist #agnostic #secular humanist #skeptic #Religion #Christianity #religious insanity

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junkyardlynx · 5 years ago

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You like scary stories? Good. I’ve got one. Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, or whatever. Who fucking knows. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t just one shared fever dream between seven stupid kids. Except the part where the dream was real. Has to be real now that I think about it. Anyway. I’m rambling. About all I can do, right now. Haha. How sad.

The year was 1998.

Good year.

Goldeneye came out in 1997, so it was really the year 0001 AG to me and my friends. We fucking loved Goldeneye.

I was seventeen and I lived alone in a small town in northwest Indiana. It’s farm country’s farm country. I’d been orphaned and bounced around since I was ten, but being nearly eighteen and relatively well-behaved was reason enough for the state to turn me loose with my inheritance. Quitters. You could stand at one edge of the town and spit to the other end. We had one bar, an elementary school, a post office, a vet, and a corner store. It sucked, but it was cheap and somewhat near the only living family I still had. I lived just above the post office and vet, which was probably the only really neat part of town, so I guess I had something going for me. Add a shitty 1988 Ford Probe bought at cost from a frustrated dealership into the mix and I was up street.

My uncle Mike lived alone too, a forty minute drive away out by the county line road. He had a pretty nice farm house to himself after my aunt Sherry filed for divorce due to her own extramarital affair. I guess when you’re surrounded by woods on all sides and the only things to keep you company are a host of chickens, a couple turkeys, a goat, a dog, and a...fucking peacock, you kinda get antsy for some excitement. I suppose a two story barn and a grain silo aren’t exciting enough. Anyway. They hadn’t taken me in after my parents died because they had their own problems and I understood. Couldn’t force a kid on someone who wasn’t going to take proper care of it.

Mike was headed into the city for the weekend to shack up with this girl he was into. He did this from time to time, too awkward to ask her to move in with him and too shy to accept her offer, so they just had their trysts. Wasn’t really my business. He called me after I got home on Friday from classes and immediately launched into his request.

“Hey killer, I’m going to see Mary this weekend. Can ya hold down the fort for me? Just feed the animals once a day and don’t let Garfield eat anything dumb.”

“Uh, sure.”

Garfield was the goat’s name.

I watched him eat the license plate off “Uncle” Van’s...van, once. His name was Van, he was a friend of Mike’s aaaaaand he owned a van. I guess life works like that sometimes, predictable and all. Anyway, Garfield would eat literally fucking anything near his big dumb idiot mouth, like most goats.

“And uh, I think there’s a bunch of beer in the fridge that’s gonna go bad. Could you do me a favor and get rid of it, bud?”

I could hear the wink through the receiver. I grinned as I pinned the receiver between my shoulder and ear, rummaging around through the cupboards to find my little book of phone numbers.

“Oh yeah, sure thing. Wouldn’t want to have bad beer hanging around in the fridge.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. It better all be gone when I get back. Love ya, kid.”

“Love you too, man. Have a good weekend.”

With an audible click, the other line hung up and I was already dialing people’s numbers. Robert was first, as he was my best and most radically tight brother-man.

“What’s up, Dingus Kong?”

Ever since he was twelve, he had the voice of a full-time, carton-a-day smoker. I was honestly a little jealous.

“There’s a beer leak at my uncle’s and we have to plug it up. Call Louis and Alex and make their dumb asses come out. You know the address?”

“Hell yeah, dude. Can I invite Jay?”

“What do I look like, a cop? Of course you can. Saves me the trouble.”

“Cool, later dickless.”

“Peace.”

It wasn’t long until I’d roped Robert, Louis and Jay into things, along with Alex, Laura and June. Alex and Louis had been dating forever and were pretty much attached at the hip, while I had a thing for June. A very quiet, subdued thing, because I operated under the assumption that no one was ever interested and that any thought to the contrary was pointless and asking for trouble.

We met up at my uncle’s house around 9. They’d pitched in and brought a shit ton of snacks but no one brought any actual food, so our diet that night was going to consist of...Natty Light, snack cakes and chips, pretty much. High school kids eat worse on a daily basis, so no one really cared. I remember being shocked at just how packed the fridge was with shitty Natty Light. Good thing I had good friends.

It was a pretty relaxed atmosphere - Louis and Alex were touchy in the corner of the living room, already a couple beers deep. Robert, Laura and Jay were playing Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64 in the den. They had a penalty game where you had to drink when you died and if you were that fucking prick that picked Oddjob, you both had to take a drink at the start of the round and two when you died. It was fair, believe me. Fuck people who pick Oddjob.

That pretty much just left June and I. We relaxed in the kitchen, shooting the shit and laughing at each other’s bad jokes. Sometimes we’d look out over the kitchen counter and down into the den / living room - the farm house’s design was always kind of odd to me, but I liked it. The whole house was a one story with a basement. You could come in through the glass sliding door and be right in the living room / den area, then turn right and go up four or five stairs to reach the bedrooms and the turnoff into the kitchen / office area where the front door was. The kitchen had a very open structure, with the sink looking down on the den, and you kinda felt like a commander if sat there and just watched everyone. So I did.

“Hey, Charles?”

“What’s up?”

I turned back towards June, taking another sip from that honestly kinda shitty beer in my hand. Ah, the taste of youth - cheap alcohol obtained through immoral or subversive means, like a really cool uncle.

“We should go out to the barn.”

“Why the hell and fuck not?”

I put on some bravado, but honestly, my uncle’s farm creeped me out. I’d stayed here for the summer once and I swore I could hear things swaying in time with the tall grass as the sun started to die. An animal would go missing every now and then, but my uncle always shrugged it off as coyotes. Never really felt like coyotes, but who was I to disagree when he was the one that lived here all the time?

“Hey, everyone! We’re going outside, time to get up in the hayloft and be stupid.”

I heard a chorus of replies and the click-whrrr of a tube television being powered off, followed by a rowdy collection of feet stomping up carpeted steps. Everyone poured into the kitchen, grabbing things like twinkies and cold hot dogs and new beers. It wasn’t long before we took the party outside, flicking the floodlights on the house on for comfort as much as visibility. We ambled as a drunken mass, slowly making our way towards the faded red barn.

I have no idea why the barn was so fucking huge, given that less then ten animals lived there. The space was equipped for a sizable amount of large livestock like cows and horses, but all that it held was a collection of idiot birds with too much love and not enough sense. A ladder leading up to the hayloft poked through a square, and we began our inebriated ascent.

It wasn’t long before we settled into a circle, talking about nothing in particular on the warm wooden floor of the loft. June had taken a seat next to me, so of course, I overthought absolutely everything before determining there was no way she was into me because why would she be? She was way too cool and cute. It was obvious.

Somehow, we got onto the topic of scary stories. Spooky scary skeleton time. I made up some dumb thing about a cannibal cult in the woods, but it wasn’t very thought out, so everyone gave me shit. Robert just thrust his beer into the air and yelled “WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE, IT’S ALIENS”, which got a laugh out of all of us. It finally came around to June, who began to tell us about La Llarona, a crying ghost lady in Mexican folklore.

It was actually pretty spooky until you realized June was like, four foot fucking eight with the voice of an adorable church mouse, and then you were unable to take it seriously.

We swapped a few more before silence descended on us, slow and natural. The workman’s lamps that I’d lit with a long trigger lighter burned, casting shadows along the walls and illuminating our faces. I smiled as I realized June’s head had come to rest on my right shoulder, feeling not unlike someone blessed by the attention of a regal crow.

“Dude. I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry, Illberto.”

I waved him off with my left hand before looking around. Something was bothering me, but I couldn’t put my hands on it. Honestly speaking, it was kinda like someone had some bodacious body odor going on and tried to cover it up with some sort of perfume. I took as...well, as discreet a sniff as possible, trying to see if it was one of us.

I don’t think it was, because the more I smelled it, the more I realized it smelled less like body odor and more like that strange stench of death. Sickly sweet, putrefaction rendering the body of something no longer alive into components for bacteria to consume. I kinda wrote it off as dead mice somewhere since I was an idiot at 17. (I still am an idiot, but I was a bigger idiot. Harder head. More impressively stupid. Anyway.) The smell was bothering me though, so I gently pushed June’s head off my shoulder and stood up.

“Since Mr. Crunch and Munch wants some food, I’m gonna run back to the house and grab some chow and booze. Anyone want anything in particular?”

No one really had an idea of what they wanted, so the group just started chanting “FOOD AND BOOZE, FOOD AND BOOZE, FOOD AND BOOZE” at me. I laughed and nodded, giving a sort of half-wave to June who just smiled at me the whole time as I went to climb down the ladder.

Too bad the ladder was gone.

I groaned in annoyance, turning around to address everyone.

“Very cool, who fucked with the ladder?”

“What are you talking about, brother-man?”

Louis piped up, head resting on top of Alex’s. I gestured dramatically at the square hole in the floor, then pantomimed the act of climbing the ladder.

“There was a ladder here. It’s gone now.”

“It probably fell, Charlie.”

There went Laura, being the voice of reason. I shrugged in assent. Stop making sense, god damn it.

“I’ll just pull a Spidey-boy and jump down. It’s like, ten feet.”

Something in my head kept telling me that people can die from slipping and falling on ice, but I ignored it. I just had to brace myself, land on my feet and not hit my brain cage. Really simple.

I walked back over to the hole in the hayloft, sitting down and scooching to the edge. That fucking smell punched me right in the nose once again, pungent and sweet. I almost stop then, but I don’t really wanna look like a goon in front of June. Uh, June and everyone else, that is.

So I stuck my foot down into the oddly deep darkness of the barn below.

Something wet and hot smacked against it, nearly wrapping around my exposed ankle.

I yelped perhaps the most pathetic sound known to man and physically extricated myself from the hole by leaping up and jumping back. Everyone laughed of course.

“What’s up, penis pump?”

Fuck off, Robert.

“Either the turkeys have really long and slimy necks now, or something down there just grabbed my fucking ankle.”

“Very funny, Charles.” Alex fixed me with a stare, assuming I was taking the piss out of everybody. Holy fuck, I wished I was.

“I’m serious, you assholes.” I’d thrust my right leg out, showing everyone my ankle and foot. A reddish brown goop clung to it, thick and viscous. The smell was emanating from it, and everyone seemed to have taken notice to it. Unless they started retching for a different reason, like my ankle being particularly abhorrent.

“Brother-man, dude, what the fuck is that?”

You’re asking me, Louie Louie?

“Yeah, that’s a negative Ghost Rider, I have no idea. I’m gonna chill up here for a bit, if someone else feels like Rambo, they can go down.”

I took off my button up and used it to wipe the goo off of my ankle, but the smell seemed to have set in. I noticed a burning sensation on my skin that increased in intensity as I wiped, but it soon faded to a dull throbbing, becoming the least of my worries. In that time, Louis got up to check out the hole.

He returned to where Alex was, face pale and stiff.

That’s when we heard it.

“veerrrryfufufufu-”

The sound stopped, then started again. Almost like someone starting a sputtering car engine.

“Verrrrry cocococococo-cokkkkkkkkkhhssssh. Wshooo fufufufufuf. Wshoooo fufufufuckt wishlatter?”

You ever have someone come up to you and say “hey, we need to talk” and you feel your stomach drop out of your body and onto the floor?

Yeah, that. That’s the feeling I felt, but way worse. After all, someone wanted to know who fucked with the ladder. Someone who couldn’t string together two words if they wanted to, and they desperately wanted to.

We’d all crammed ourselves into the back of the hayloft, the seven of us together. Oppressive darkness clung to the places not illuminated by the lamps, and the long lighter lay a good ten feet away from us. No one moved to get it. We heard it again and again, some twisted mockery of a voice continually asking who fucked with the ladder. Then it asked again, in my voice.

“Very cool. Who fucked with the ladder?”

Everyone’s eyes were on me, and I shook my head wordlessly as it asked again, perfectly, matching my rhythm and cadence and tone.

“Hey, if this is a joke because you thought the Goosebumps books were high literature, we’re gonna string you up by your earlobes dude.”

“Fuck off. It’s not. You think I got bored and recorded me fucking around before you all got here? With the tape recorder I don’t fucking own?”

I was hostile.

We were all on edge.

“I don’t know, were you man?”

“Don’t start with me, Robert.”

“Yeah, whatever, you’re a lazy piece of shit. I know you wouldn’t do this.”

“I swear to god.”

The tension was almost lifted until we heard that wet smacking again, like someone slapping a steak on pavement. It was hilarious until you realized it was probably either something dead being slammed around, or some part of the mysterious thing’s anatomy. The smacking persisted as it mercifully ceased it’s questioning, realizing it’s bait wasn’t working. Slowly, the wet squelching of flesh against concrete grew quiet and far away and the stench that pervaded the air began to thin.

I appraised everyone and jerked my head back at the hole in the hayloft.

“Okay. Okay. We’re gonna drop down and run to the house.”

“Is there any better option you have that isn’t ‘jump down and say hi to the crazy stinky murder rapist’ below us?”

“Not really, Alex. Sorry.”

“Alex and I can stay up here,” Louis offered, but she looked at him with her mouth agape.

“Are you dumb, Louis? I’m not staying in that barn alone with this thing. No, really, are you an idiot?”

I looked at Louis with a kind of knowing glance, knowing he was just trying to help out and allay her fears. Couldn’t really blame her, though.

“He’s just looking out for what you want to do. Anyway, we should all go. I’ll go down first and keep a look out while everyone comes down. C’mon.”

I honestly don’t know where I found the balls of steel I was now equipped with, but I was thankful. I think it was just this overwhelming sense of “we have to go now or something bad is going to happen.” Without giving anyone a chance to reply, I broke away from our little heard and took a running start at the hole, leaping down it before my rational mind could catch up.

I let my legs hit and then tucked myself into a roll to rob the fall of it’s momentum, coming up unscathed. I glanced around, greeted by deadly...nothing. Just silence. It wasn’t until I looked at the ground that I noticed it was covered in a thick layer of that reddish-brown goop, and it stunk horribly. I started to gag but I had the sense to bite it down. No point in putting more disgusting fluids on the floor.

“Jump down! C’mon!”

I shouted up and June practically leapt into my arms, so I caught her and set her down, giving her a tender smile. She was all of four foot eight and ninety pounds, so it wasn’t really a feat of athleticism. Of course, Robert came next, and my knees buckled as his six foot frame met mine with that peculiar rapport we had.

“No smile for me?”

“I swear, dude.”

I swore a lot, apparently.

The rest followed in suit until eight of us stood in the barn, devoid of animals as it was. I hoped they’d just run off or sought shelter, but another part of me said that wasn’t the case. I exhaled roughly and looked at our group before nodding.

“Okay, we gotta run. I don’t know when that thing’s coming back, but I can already smell that weird stink getting stronger. I think we’ll be safe in the house since we can look the doors and call the cops.”

“Wait, cops? Dude, we’re doing a little thing called underage drinking.”

Thank you for stating the obvious, Louis.

“Oh, yeah! Way better to get murdered and eaten. You’re right.”

“Point taken.”

We all murmured our assent before taking one last look around. The lamps burned, slowly dimming as their fuel began to run out. I think we left the lighter up there. Not that it mattered, I guess. I reached out and took June’s petite hand, tugging her gently towards the house.

“Let’s go.”

We began to do an awkward sort of power walk, too scared to run and draw it’s attention but not intent on going any slower than we had to. Our group of seven began to cut across the field, towards the shining lights of the farmhouse.

A horrific wet SMACK from behind us broke that fragile discipline that kept us calm. A plaintive sort of gurgling howl, like a tiger braying it’s dying cry inside of a charnel pit spurred us on, and I roughly pulled on June’s hand. Her fingers slipped from mine for a moment, but her strong and lengthy fingers found mine, slick with what I assumed was sweat. I didn’t bother looking back as the warm porch lights flooded my vision. I let go of the hand I was holding and turned around to regard our group of eight, making sure everyone was there.

Wait.

Eight?

June, Robert, Louis, Alex, Laura, Jay, and myself. Seven. I glanced at my hand, realizing it was slick with that peculiar fluid. I kept the gorge rising in my throat down, somehow.

Swallowing both vomit and my fear, I began to inspect everyone before herding them inside, one by one. There wasn’t a face I didn’t recognize, but there was an extra person here. I got June, Alex, Robert, Laura and Louis into the house before I realized it.

There were two Jays.

“Hey Jake, come inside.”

Jay kinda gave me a weird look, wondering if I was actually an idiot. The right Jay, anyway. The other one just slowly started to walk forward.

“Hey, I said Jake come inside man. Practice your manners dude.”

My stare was insistent on the real Jay’s, begging him to come in and not make a scene. He shrugged and stepped inside, and only a moment later I was behind him, slamming the sliding glass door so hard I thought I’d shatter.

The Jay that wasn’t Jay pressed it’s face to the glass and that fetid liquid began to pour from it’s nose as it’s now-malformed hand began to tap lightly on the glass. What looked like clothes began to slough off in thick puddles of what looked to be flesh, pooling on the patio.

“Come inside. Hey. Manners. Come inside. Hey. Come inside.”

Robert had noticed what was going on and yelled in what I’m sure he’d want me to report was a very manly and commanding shout. Basically, he screamed like a little bitch. Everyone else noticed and booked it up the sort little landing to the second tier of the house, not willing to look at what was happening anymore.

I couldn’t look away. It gently tapped at the glass, as a second figure approached from the darkness, eventually pressing it’s face to the glass.

My face.

I watched my own face melt away into nothing, forming a featureless expanse of skin with two unseeing and empty eye sockets. The me that wasn’t me tapped politely on the glass like a door-to-door salesman, asking to be let in.

That sure wasn’t fucking happening. In a haze, I waddled backwards, reaching for the phone that sat on the coffee table by the sofa in this 70′s decor mess of a living room.

It wasn’t there. The cord lay neatly on the table, but the entire phone was gone. It looked deliberate, which means that...well, it meant that my uncle took it with him.

Something clicked in my mind, but I buried it as I pedaled backwards slowly, approaching the display cabinet that held my grandmother’s prized compound bow. I heard from my uncle that she’d been an avid hunter into her 90′s and only passed due to the ravages of...well, a car wreck. I was never more thankful to have a badass relative I’d never met than when I pulled that compound bow out of the display cabinet and nocked an arrow.

Never mind the fact that the last time I went bow hunting was when I was like, twelve.

I stared down the two creatures, still begging to be let in in my voice. My hands trembled even as I began to draw back the heavy string. God damn, grandma, how strong were you? What the hell.

I strafed up the steps, muscles in my arms screaming for release, but I told myself that they couldn’t come in unless they were invited. It was just a glass door, and these things weren’t dumb, apparently. I don’t know what they were. I’d met strange things in the woods around the house, but never anything like this. Obviously. The surreality of it all made it seem absurd to even question what they were.

It wasn’t until I reached the kitchen with everyone else that I could slowly release the tension and lower the bow, though I kept the arrow nocked and ready. I gave everyone in the kitchen a wary nod as they huddled together, staying deathly quiet. Looking over the kitchen counter and down into the den, I could see one still tapping on the glass. The other was gone.

A soft knock at the door by the office let us know where the other had wandered off to. It repeated a broken string of words in my voice, asking to be let in, saying it was very cool. It’d be humorous if it wasn’t fucking terrifying.

Wordlessly, I huddled everyone back into the hallway and lead them to my uncle’s room, unlocking it with the key I had. It was the furthest bedroom away from everything else and had a clear line of sight to the hallway, so if they somehow broke their self-imposed rules, I could at least take a steady shot. The door creaked open and the bedroom lay before us as I flipped on the light.

My uncle’s room was surprisingly sparse and barren. No personal effects remained and you could tell where the furniture had been moved in a hurry, like someone was looking for something. It gave the feeling of someone that wasn’t coming back, and the discontent in my heart grew.

“Yeah, think he’s been moving stuff over to his girlfriend’s place.”

I said to no one in particular, placating questions before they could come out. A barren mattress lay on a box spring in the corner.

“Let’s stay in here tonight. It’s not gonna be comfortable, but a couple of people can take the bed and the rest of us can take the floor. I’ll keep watch.”

“Charles...”

Robert sounded concerned for once. I laughed. I glanced back and his face soured before he smiled.

“Nevermind, you’re still a penis pump.”

Everyone, still slightly drunk and nervous, began to occupy their own space in the empty room. I sat against the open doorframe, bow laying on my lap, trained down the hallway. Minutes slipped into hours, and everyone began to pass into a light sleep.

Everyone except me.

The sight of the flesh sloughing off their mutable frames was burned into my mind. Not much sleep to be found after that.

Throughout the night, I heard taps all around the house, like a diligent inspector checking for termites in wood. If I strained my sleepless ears, I could hear my own voice rattling through the walls. The deathly sweet stench of the barn had returned, permeating my brain and setting up residence there.

Once or twice, I thought I heard tapping and murmuring at the single window in my uncle’s bedroom, but surely that wasn’t possible. It was a good eight feet of the ground, as the room sat on the second “tier” of the house. I dozed for a moment and the tapping seemed to grow more and more furious, so I shook myself awake. I began to dig the bowstring into my finger, rubbing it up and down, fraying my own skin until it bled.

I felt like I was going to go insane.

A few long hours later and the sun began to rise, banishing the tapping noise with it and the scent after that. I rose, looking around at the sleeping faces of my friends, relieved. I looked around the empty room once more and went to close my eyes before I realized there was reddish goop smeared on the window of my uncle’s bedroom.

I’d been watched, all night.

All of us had.

How many had there been?

Enough to replace us?

Did it matter?

Adrenaline flooding my exhausted body, I crept around the house and checked every window, every door. They were all smeared with handprints, fingerprints, imprints of faces traced in that corpse-goo. My stomach roiled heavily, the beer and junk food of the night before threatening to come up.

We were supposed to be a sacrifice, weren’t we?

The copious amounts of beer. The lack of a phone. My uncle’s personal effects all gone from his room. I suppose the rest, even grandma’s bow, was replaceable to him. Including me.

I woke everyone up and told them we should leave. No one fought it, considering we’d survived the night by listening to me. It was a sort of hollow and empty accolade, but I’d take it.

As Robert and June piled in my Ford Probe outside, I snuck a peek at the barn. Dark red stains and the remnants of feathers, fur and flesh stained the outside of it’s semi-dilapidated structure, as if the animals had been killed by being thrown at the walls in anger. I swallowed dryly, realizing what those wet thuds and smacks had been.

We spent the rest of the weekend together, all seven of us. One night at Robert’s, the rest of the day at June’s. I tried several times to contact my uncle, but his girlfriend’s landline was disconnected and his emergency cell phone wasn’t picking up.

Abandoned twice by the family that wouldn’t even take me in, I guess.

I never found out what those things were. My uncle’s house was marked as abandoned and reclaimed by the bank, eventually being sold at auction for dirt cheap. I didn’t care. I’d stayed away from the forested areas and anywhere approaching natural, and even took to a vegetarian diet for a few months.

Eventually the memory faded, and years later I had almost forgotten about it. Life went on, and I remained in that cozy little apartment above the vet’s office and the post office.

Until tonight.

When I smelled something sticky-sweet, like what the insides of a pitcher plant must be.

Where something tapped at the door to my apartment, begging to be let in.

Where my own voice begged me to be let in.

#writing #my writing #horror #rural horror #farm horror

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signoras-pet · 3 years ago

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[Hello, I got bored from doing homework so I made a cool timeline of the wholesome married Rosalyne family]

[Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think everyone!-🍔]

The original wholesome timeline so far Part 1

1 Year before traveler awakens

[Events from months 1-4]

Signora returns to Mondstadt for the first time in years, tasked with the mission of taking Barbato's Geonsis.

While there she seduces multiple women and creates pure sexual relationships.

She ends up having sex with almost all the nuns in the church. She meets Rosaria during this and does some really kinky sex with her

Because her behavior is out of control, the main female Knights of Favonis confront her and tell her to knock it off.

Signora ends up fucking all legal age female knights. Her reputation spreads and the grandmaster's wife is interested. (Note: Sucrose was out studying with Albedo during these four months. So they didn't meet until later)

Signora ends up seducing Lisa and when Jean finds out she is furious. The Tsaritsa find the whole situation annoying so she sends Signora off to Liyue.

[Events from 4-8]

Signora arrives in Liyue and enjoys the city. She meets Yun Jin after attending a show and ends up having sex with her.

Signora proceeds to create more sexual relationships. It got out of control that many men from the wifes she fucked, tried to fight her.

She is taken in custody and is interrogated by Keqing. The young woman can't help but notice how beautiful and bodacious the blonde is. Keqing is seduced and Signora is later freed.

Signora continues her relationships until she is summoned by Ninguang herself. The rich woman can't help but be intrigued by the rumors. She decided to have sex to see if the the rumors were true. They were lol

Ninguang loved the sex so much she invited her wife, Beidou to join in as well. The three end up becoming good friends and Signora would regularly visit the jade palace.

Signora ends up meeting Shenhe during a walk in the woods. The two talk together and really connect due to their lonely pasts. Signora invites her for dinner and they end up making passionate love(Signora was gentle since it was Shenhe's first ever time) They start meeting for lunch and dinner dates after that.

After that, Signora meets Mona. The poor woman is hungry and broke. Signora invites her to a bountiful feast.

During this dinner, Signora finds Mona's rather large appetite adorable. The blonde finds herself in love as Mona reads her constellations.

The astrologist explains that she plans to move to Monstadt and Signora supports her by giving her a huge amount of Mora. Enough to buy 4 houses.

Mona is shocked and denies the money but Signora is insistent so she takes it. Mona finds herself attracted and the two spend the night together. Signora explains that Mona could live with her until her mission is done then she would be happy to help the woman move to Mondstadt.

Signora takes Mona to meet Shenhe and the two women are tense with each other. Signora explains how her relationships work and the two are hesitant.

But as time passes, Mona and Shenhe become like sisters. Shenhe finds Mona's hunger adorable and enjoys having someone to cook,shop,chat and socialize with.

The two experience their first ever 3some with Signora. They are blown away at how amazing it is. They come to accept Signora's lifestyle.

Signora during her visit to the Jade palace bumps into Yanfei. The blonde smirks realizing how horny the lawyer is and the two have sex in her office. Yanfei explains she needs a fuck-buddy relationship because of her stressful job. Signora happily agrees.

On a free day, Shenhe and Mona suggest going on a hike and picnic. Signora agrees and during that, their sweaty bodies, tight shorts and tank tops turn them on and they decide to fuck. Shenhe is fucked out first and decided to go ahead and set the picnic. Leaving only Mona and Signora. That was the day the trio met the horny peeping pervert, Ganyu. The trio end up fucking Ganyu silly.

After that day, they learn that she is a high ranking member of Liyue's government. Oh that she's a massive peeping pervert. The trio are living together and would just enjoy their days together. Shopping with no limit, fucking and enjoying life's finest luxuries.

The ladies of Liyue are happy with Signora around but the men aren't. They send mass complaints to the Fatui who then relay to the Tsaritsa.She finds it annoying and sends her to Inazuma.

Ganyu, Mona,Shenhe have become best friends in the past 3 months and decide to keep in touch with each other and Signora. They help Mona move to Monstadt. They have an orgy in the astrologist's new house. Sucrose having returning that same day hears the orgy and fucks herself silly.(They have not met yet.)

Signora leaves for Inazuma but doesn't forget the ladies she can't but have fallen in love with. She writes to them daily and sends Mora so they don't have to work.(becomes their sugar mommy lol)

[Events from 8-12]

Instead of arriving at the checkpoint, she arrives at Watatsumi Island. She is arrested by the locals for trespassing and she meets Kokomi. Signora can't help but find their leader cute.

Kokomi's blushes at Signora's compliments and decides a proposition. If Signora eats her pussy, she will be released. The fatui agent is more than happy to agree. Kokomi gets the best cunnilingus of her life.

For the next 2 weeks Signora and Kokomi spent their time together just fucking in secret. After that she's released and Signora heads for Ritou. But not before she fucks all the shrine maidens and village women.

At Ritou, she meets the leader of the small Island and his daughter. Signora ends up seducing the daughter. The daughter thanks her for the fuck her secret fiance fails to give her.

From there she meets with the Kamisato house. Their guards are hostile and very protective. But the siblings welcome her to their home.

Signora and Ayaka get close and end up fucking. For 2 weeks, Signora and Ayaka would sneak off to have sex.

On the day she leaves for the main city, Ayaka gives her a personal gift. Her private mailbox where they can write to each other. Signora is happy to write and she heads off.

Signora takes a small detour first. She heads to the Shrine on top of the mountain. Signora can't help but notice how young and pretty all the shrine maidens are. Her libido kicks in and and ends up fucking all of them.

There Signora met a fox lady who truly gave her a challenge. They didn't sleep together but the sexually charged atmosphere was pratically begging them to.

After fucking all the maidens there Signora left and made her to the city.

On the road leading to the city, a young woman covered with bandages spots the goddess Signora and develops a hopeless crush(or did she?)

Arriving at the city, Signora starts seducing wives,girlfriends, and women everywhere. They just can't help but fall in love with Signora's beauty,charm and class.

Spending the next month fucking all the women in the city, she is summoned to the palace by the Shogun and Sara Kojou.

Signora learns that Yae Miko is married to the Shogun. While there she ends up having lots of sex with the two. They spent 1 month of pure fucking at the palace. Sara did it a couple of times alone with Signora since she is very shy about group sex.

Yae and Ei come to like Signora despite her being a Fatui agent and they become really good friends as well. The three promise to write to each other when they can. She leaves

After that Signora bumps into Yoimiya. The young woman is a bumbling mess as she tries to talk with Signora. Signora finds it cute so she takes the woman to a love hotel and gives her the best first sexual experience of her life.

This pattern repeats of her visiting many women until the men's complaints reach the Tsaritsa. She gets irritated again and wonders why Signora can't just keep in her pants. She tells Signora to leave and she doesn't care where to.

Signora bids goodbye to everyone and basically just roams around Teyvat. She debates going to Sumeru but instead decides to return to Monstadt.

omg go do your work /lh

Praying that Signora figures out where I live <33

lmao I love it though, truly the travels of a promiscuous woman <33

#[☁️]asks

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