onedayanauthor

[onedayanauthor]

Imagine meeting the most handsome goofiest genderweird butch you've ever seen and she has a dedicated probably monogamous boyfriend who to be fair is actually a pretty cool dude and you're devastated that you can't shoot your shot. Then you find out that up until last year boyfriend was certain he was gay and then he met this handsome goofy genderweird butch and was like oh I like women. Or at least women who are also men sometimes. So I'm bisexual. Also to make things more confusing they're both veterans who are actually pretty staunchly anti-military and hate every admiral they've ever encountered and the butch only went into the military because she desperately needed healthcare coverage for her father and the boyfriend was like. A legacy military brat who realized this is all pretty fucked actually. Congratulations you have encountered modern day Mulan and Li Shang

[onedayanauthor]

Aaron and Katelyn’s daughter shares a surprisingly close bond with her uncle

[onedayanauthor]

someone I follow on the bird app just announced they’re starting a very exclusive private fic server because they and a bunch of other people want to talk about how much they love the fics they’re reading, and as an author can I just say that a really great place to talk about a fic you love is in the comments for that fic

I understand that people are trying to create safe spaces, but as the number of comments that I get on my fics dwindles with each passing year, knowing these spaces exist where my fics are being discussed, places that I am excluded from, makes me want to write fic LESS

I mean I guess who cares, right, because if I stop writing, there’s 10,000 other people that will continue…but if you participate in a fic “book club” server and you say nice things there about a fic you loved, maybe copy and paste that into a comment on AO3?

the only thing fanfic writers are asking for in return for hours of hard work is attention. please don’t rob us of the one thing that we hope for when we hit “post”

[onedayanauthor]

Masterlist of the Batfam Social Media AU posts

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Updated Oct 31, 2024

Pt. 1: The duality of man feat. Jason Todd & Damian Wayne

Pt. 2: Dick "The Firstborn" Grayson vs Jason "The Firstdead" Todd

Pt. 3: Gently used casket for sale :)

Pt. 4: Prince of Gotham "Bruh Wayne" aka "Father of 10+ mean children"

Pt. 5: Bruce Wayne is NOT Batman

Pt. 6: BREAKING NEWS: Lex Luthor BUYS Twitter??

Pt. 7: Just another night in Gotham

Pt. 8: God's strongest soldier (the oldest sibling)

Pt. 9: Bruce Wayne texts like a boomer

Pt. 10: Just Gothamtwt things

Pt. 11: Conspiracies in the family group chat

Bonus:

Jay + Roy texts

Jason "I swear I hate my dad" Todd

[onedayanauthor]

The Devil's Wheel

The Devil’s Wheel

“If you say yes,” said the Devil, “a single man, somewhere in the world, will be killed on the spot. But three million dollars is nothing to sneeze at, missus.”

“What’s the catch?” You squint at him suspiciously over the red-and-black striped carnival booth. You’re smarter than he thinks you are– a devil deal always has a catch, and you’re determined to catch him before he catches you. 

“Well, the catch is that you’ll know you did it. And I’ll know, too. And the big man upstairs’ll know, I ‘spose. But what’s the chariot of salvation without a little sin to grease the wheels? You can repent from your mansion balcony, looking out at your waterfront views, sipping a bellini in your eighties. But hey, it’s up to you– take my deal or leave it.”

The Devil lights a cigar without a match, taking an inhale, and blowing out a cloud of deep, sweet-smelling tobacco laced faintly with something that reminds you of rotten eggs. If he does have horns, they’re hidden under his lemon yellow carnival barker hat. He wears a clean pinstripe suit and a red bowtie. No cloven hooves, no big pointy fork, but you know he’s the Devil without having to be told. Though he did introduce himself.

He’s been perfectly polite. 

You know you need the money. He knows it too, or he wouldn’t have brought you here, to this strange dark room, whisking you away from your new house in the suburbs as fast as a wish. Now you’re in some sort of warehouse, where all the windows seem to be blacked out– or, maybe, they simply look out into pitch darkness, though it is the middle of the day. A single white spotlight shines down on the two of you. 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” you say. “I bet the man is someone I know, right? My husband?”

“Could be,” the Devil says with a pointed grin. “That’s for the wheel to decide.”

He steps back and raises his black-gloved hand as the tarp flies off of the large veiled object behind him. The light of the carnival wheel nearly blinds you. Blinking lights line the sides. Jingling music blares over speakers you can’t see. The flickering sign above it reads:

THE DEVIL’S WHEEL

“Step right up and claim your fortune,” the Devil barks. “Spin the wheel and pay the price! Or leave now, and a man keeps his life.”

You examine the wheel. 

The gambling addict

The doting boyfriend

The escaped convict

The dog dad

The secretive sadist

“These are all the possible men I can kill?” You ask, thumbing the side of the wheel. It rolls smoothly in your hand. Then you quickly stop, realizing that this might constitute a spin under the Devil’s rules. He flashes a smile at you, watching you halt its motion. 

“Addicts, convicts, murderers– plenty of terrible options for you to land on, missus!”

“Serial wife murderer?”

“Now who would miss a fellow like that? I can guarantee that the whole world would be better off without him in it, and that’s a fact.”

The hard worker

The compulsive liar

The animal torturer

The widower

The desperate businessman

The failed musician

The beloved son

“My husband is on here too,” you say. 

“Your husband Dave, yes. The wheel has to be fair, otherwise there’s simply no stakes.”

“I know what’s gonna happen,” you say, crossing your arms. “This wheel is rigged. I’m gonna spin it around, and it’ll go through all the killers and stuff, and then it’s gonna land on my husband no matter what.”

“Why, I would never disgrace the wheel that way,” the Devil says, wounded. “I swear on my own mother’s grave– may she never escape it. In fact, take one free spin, just to test it out! This one’s on me, no death, no dollars.”

You cautiously reach up to the top of the wheel and feel its heaviness in your hand. The weight of hundreds of lives. But also, millions of dollars. You pull the wheel down and let it go.

Clackity-clackity-clackity-clackity

Round and round it goes. 

The college graduate

The hockey fan

The Eagle Scout

The cold older brother

The charming younger brother

The two-faced middle child

The perfectionist

The slob 

Your husband Dave

Clackity-clackity-clackity.

Finally, the wheel lands on a name. A title, really.

The photographer

“Hmm, tough, missus, but that’s the way of the wheel. But hey, look! Your husband is allllll the way over here,” he points with his cane to the very bottom of the wheel, all the way on the other side from where the arrow landed. “As you can see, it’s not rigged. The wheel truly is random.”

“So… there really isn’t another catch?” You ask. 

“Isn’t it enough for you to end a man’s life? You need a steeper price? If you’re really such a glutton for punishment, I’ll gladly re-negotiate the terms.”

“No, no… wait.” You examine the wheel, glancing between it and the Devil.

You really could use that three million dollars. Newly married, new house, you and your husband’s combined debt– those student loans really follow you around. He’s quite a bit older than you, and even he hasn’t paid them off yet, to the point where the whole time you were dating you watched him stress out about money. You had to have a small, budget wedding, and a small, budget honeymoon. Three million dollars could be big for the two of you. You could re-do your honeymoon and go somewhere nice, like Hawaii, instead of just taking two weeks in Atlantic City. You deserve it. 

Even so, do you really want to kill an innocent photographer? Or an innocent seasonal allergy sufferer? Or an innocent blogger? Just because you don’t know or love these people doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t. 

The cancer survivor

The bereaved

The applicant

Some of these were so vague. They could be anyone, honestly. Your neighbors, your father, your friends…

The newlywed

The ex-gifted kid

The uncle

The Badgers fan

“My husband is a Badgers fan,” you say.

“How lovely,” the Devil says. 

Then it hits you.

Of course.

The weightlifter.

The careful driver.

The manager.

The claustrophobe.

Your husband Dave lifts weights at the gym twice a month. You wouldn’t call him a pro, but he does it. He also drives like he’s got a bowl of hot soup in his lap all the time, because he’s afraid of being pulled over. He just got promoted to management at his company, and he takes the stairs to his seventh-story office because he hates how small and cramped the elevator is.

“I get your game,” you announce. “You thought you could get me, but I figured you out, jackass!” “Oh really? What is my game, pray tell?” The Devil responds, leaning against his cane.

“All these different titles– they’re all just different ways to describe the same guy. My husband isn’t one notch on the wheel, he’s every notch. No matter what I land on, Dave dies. I’m wise to your tricks!” 

The Devil cackles. 

“You’re a clever one, that’s for sure. I thought you’d never figure it out.”

“Thanks but no thanks, man,” you say with a triumphant smirk. “I’m no rube. No deal. Take me back home.”

“As you wish, missus,” the Devil says. He snaps his fingers, and you’re gone, back to your brand-new house with your new husband. “Don’t say I never tried to help anyone.���

[onedayanauthor]

Wondering if somewhere in Wymack’s desk is a buried file of one Jeremy Knox who, unbeknownst to the Foxes, was offered a position on their line but stayed in California instead

[onedayanauthor]

normalize my 12th grade English teacher, who admitted that his favorite TV show was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and when a male student suggested that it was because Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar was hot, wrinkled his face like he’d bitten into something rotten and dead, and said, “At my age (he was 53), there is nothing less sexy than a teenager. You’re all disgusting messes.” It was 1999, I was 17, and I’d grown up in conservative Christian schools and churches. In my life I’d heard heard dozens of sermons from male preachers and teachers and even some older students, whining about how hard it was to be a dude and not commit the sin of thinking sexual thoughts, and how they needed women to wear long skirts and cover their bodies to not objectify them

and my bitter, misanthropic, atheist Brit Lit teacher, who hated my class because he was obsessed with teaching Tom Sawyer but got stuck with Shakespeare and Jane Austen, was the first, and this day the last man I have ever heard articulate a rebuttal from the depths of his soul to the idea that it was normal for teenage girls to be desirable to middle aged men

[onedayanauthor]

Nicky thinks the twins don’t love him, but then they both get ejected from a game for beating the shit out of a guy who illegally hits Nicky hard enough Nicky breaks his wrist.

Nicky thinks the twins don’t love him, but when Eric visits during Christmas, they lock him outside until Nicky stops crying because they fought.

Nicky thinks the twins don’t love him, but when it comes time for Nicky’s wedding, they look at him like he’s stupid because, of course, they are the ones who will walk him down the aisle. Once they are at the end, Aaron shoves Andrew out of the way so he can stand in the best man's spot. Andrew is just about to slam Aaron into the ground before Wymack loudly clears his throat from his spot in the front row (where the parents would usually sit), and they both straighten up. Andrew still kicks Aaron in the shin, and Nicky turns purple, trying not to laugh.

Nicky worries the twins might forget about him, but every week, they hold a group video chat to catch up, and once, when Nicky’s just had an awful day and can’t seem to keep it together, they don’t immediately hang up because he’s started crying.

Nicky worries the twins don’t care about him, but when he and Eric get in a minor car accident that lands Nicky in the hospital for a few days, they fly to him and camp out in his room until he’s cleared to go home.

Nicky worries the twins don’t love him, but Andrew sends him pictures of Neil and the cats, and Aaron sends him photos of the twins and Katelyn.

Nicky doesn’t think the twins love him, but he gets to stand next to Andrew at Aaron’s back when he gets married, and he is put in charge of organizing the not party for Andrew and Neil’s not wedding.

Nicky knows that the twins love him when they stop acting like they hate him and start treating him like they love him.

[onedayanauthor]

Just a lil innuendo black out poetry that I think Nicky would write based off real life DQ hot dog advertising:

Hair color this, first name that, those are the weak questions about your own OC.

The real thing I'm still trying to figure out about my OC Smith is what he would order at a Dairy Queen. I lean towards a vanilla milkshake, but I am reveling in the accidental innuendos of a banana split.

I know for certain it would never be a blizzard because he'd have an anxiety attack when they flip it upside down.

[onedayanauthor]

He's GOT to have a hot dog!! He thinks they do an awesome job advertising for them! (He unironically thinks it's good advertising.) Meanwhile the advertising looks something like this:

Like you CANNOT tell me that Nicky wouldn't make the most obscene jokes about this type of advertising!! (I literally keep seeing the "bun" as "bum" and it is sending me!! 😂😂)

Hair color this, first name that, those are the weak questions about your own OC.

The real thing I'm still trying to figure out about my OC Smith is what he would order at a Dairy Queen. I lean towards a vanilla milkshake, but I am reveling in the accidental innuendos of a banana split.

I know for certain it would never be a blizzard because he'd have an anxiety attack when they flip it upside down.

[onedayanauthor]

ok but what if the murder crabs didn’t happen and ronan did move to cambridge. and adam goes to his new apartment one night and finds ronan, collapsed on the floor in a pool of nightwash. what then?

[onedayanauthor]

I commissioned the EVER TALENTED @emry-stars-art to draw my sweet baby boy (Redacted) Theodore Smith. They were the one that I spoke with for figuring out who he most resembles.

They took so much care in crafting my lil guy and I'm so grateful for the heart they put into it.

Thank you again!!!!!!! Sometimes I just pull him up and stare at his lil face.

Chibi Smith (internal Smith) under the cut also by Emry

[onedayanauthor]

Just a little BCBP Marriage AU as a treat

Fun little AU where each character is married to at least one other party member. Sorry @bcbparty I can't help it, you made me think about weddings.

-Janni and Zelf married for love. Obviously they were made for each other! No explanation necessary.

-Patty and Janni married because Patty wanted to "appease" her parents, but then dropped the "actually, I married into a gay relationship and thus turned it into a polyamorous relationship, so suck on that!!" And that pissed her parents off a ton.

-Janni married Astra because he didn't want her to feel left out and Astra agreed to it because Janni made some good points about how being married to a paladin of Gavelyne could get her into lots of places where then she could find all sorts of reading materials (that she may or may not want to profit off of later).

-Astra married Zelf because she thinks you should keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. There is no love or romance in this marriage at all. But it's fun to piss off people who want to get one of them alone at any given time and they like to go, "WHAT?!?!? You want me to go talk to you without my WIFE/HUSBAND!?!?!"

-Patty married Zelf on a whim because once he cooked a really good recipe for Janni and Astra and would not make it vegan for Patty stating that he would only cook for a vegan if he was married to them. Zelf now cooks sooooooo many vegan dishes.

-Surprisingly, Patty and Astra are not married. Patty doesn't want to be tied down (she only sees her marriages to Zelf and Janni as events she completed to make her life easier (getting her parents off her back and getting more delicious meals daily)) meanwhile Astra does not like the idea of completing the "everyone is married to everyone else" circle because she's scared that something magic will happen if the connect all the links together (also she's scared of commitment... even though she's already married two other people)

[onedayanauthor]

pour one out for kevin day, queen of exy, for fumbling both jeremy knox AND jean moreau. personally i would never recover

[onedayanauthor]

Absolutely no one needs to know how many tabs I have open as I continue on my journey to make memes for every single episode of Burnt Cook Book Party (@bcbparty) but it's 18... and 10 of them are just templates that I cannot WAIT to use, but have no clue what they fit with yet. Why am I like this? lol

[onedayanauthor]

Potential Spoilers for BCBP

@bcbparty

[onedayanauthor]

Potential Spoilers for BCBP

@bcbparty