#Christmas dinosaur items are my thing this year for some reason

[satans-knitwear]

Just dreaming of the real necessities rn 🥺🥺

Be my hero : Pypl cshpp

[hotchley]

the first christmas

please don’t judge the title or quaity of this, it’s 00:50 and i’ve not proofread it. we’re just going to go with it.

summary: it’s baby hotchner’s first christmas that he’s actually going to remember. it’s mostly pure fluff with like the smallest amount of angst, but the ending is happy and nobody dies or gets hurt so we’re classing it as a win. and fluffy.

trigger warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

read on ao3!

Christmas was fast-approaching, and they still weren’t ready. Initially, Dave had wanted everything to be perfect. Now… he just wanted everything to be ready before Aaron woke up. SSA Hotchner had taken a tumble into a river and emerged from it as an eight-year-old. Well, a sort of eight-year-old. He had memories of being an adult, but they were fuzzy at best. And his speech, the way he did things, and his size were that of an eight-year-old.

Jack seemed to be having the time of his life. Dave was just worried they were going to do something horrifically wrong. Like Christmas. Hotch never really opened up about his plans for the holiday season, and now, every time someone tried to get him to open up about what he wanted to do, he clammed up. Or he’d change the subject.

One time, Spencer had asked, and he’d run out the room before he could even finish the question.

They stopped trying to ask him after that. Jessica had no idea what his Christmas traditions had been growing up as her family had only moved when he was going into his senior year, and after him and Haley got married, she still never really knew what the two of them got up to. Jack had seemed uncomfortable when they asked him. After much prodding and gentle confirmation that there would be no judgement, no matter what he said, Emily managed to pry the information from him.

In the years between the divorce and Haley’s death, Christmas was spent with Haley and Jessica, with Aaron there but not really there because you could cut the tension with a knife. After she died, Hotch had always sent Jack to his grandparents for Christmas because then he could see his cousins and spend time with the family he rarely saw. Which meant Hotch usually spent Christmas as an adult alone and sad.

He couldn’t believe none of them had ever realised, but then JJ and Will would always go and see her mom. Spencer would go down to Las Vegas. Derek and Penelope would go to Chicago and then to visit her parents grave. Dave’s plans varied on who was in the area and Emily usually went as far from her family as was possible. But they had all at least had someone. Hotch had nobody.

Rossi suspected that was how he spent a lot of his childhood too. There was no other reason that he would be so small. Because Rossi remembered Jack and Henry when they were the age Hotch now was. They were both healthy and lively. Hotch seemed far too small and far too nervous for a child that was supposedly safe.

He shook his head and stared at the sight before him. The tree that he had gotten at the last minute was still bare because every time he tried to decorate it, something just wouldn’t look right. Garcia was going to come round with cookies and the rest of the team would also be arriving at various different times with assorted items. He knew that meant presents.

Garcia arrived thirty minutes early. When he opened the door to her, he was greeted by bags. Lots and lots of bags.

“Penelope, what have you done?”

She walked in with the two smallest and lightest bags. He sighed and picked up the rest, following her into the hallway as she toed off her shoes and hung up her coat.

“Well Hotch won’t open up about Christmas so we don’t know what traditions he remembers or did. Which means we need to do all of them. I have decorations, cookie ingredients, stockings, films, books and of course, everything you need for the perfect hot chocolate. And he may still believe in Santa so there are some carrots and mince pies.”

“Wait. Cookie ingredients? I thought you were going to bring them?”

Garcia didn’t respond. She’d walked into the living room whilst she had explained what was in the bags and Rossi suspected it was because she hadn’t heard him. He sighed and followed her in. She was staring at the tree.

“What is that?” she whispered, seemingly horrified.

“Look don’t judge me. I tried to decorate it. Multiple times. But every time, something just didn’t look right and I had to start over. I’m a perfectionist. Sue me.”

She turned and stared at him. “Rossi, I don’t know what planet you’ve been living on, but a Christmas tree isn’t supposed to look perfect. It’s supposed to be fun. And I know you want to surprise bossboy, but I think he should be involved. After all, he probably doesn’t remember a single Christmas fondly.”

Rossi realised she, as always, was right. “I guess I got so caught up in trying to get everything to be perfect for him that I forgot it was meant to be fun.”

“Would you look at that? He’s willing to admit when he’s wrong. Where is baby Hotchner at the moment?”

“Upstairs, napping. I don’t think he slept well last night. I also don’t think he likes being called baby Hotchner given that he’s not actually a baby.”

“Well what am I meant to call him? If I say Hotch, then it sounds like I’m referring to the big, mean to unsubs but sweet to the rest of us, federal agent. And Aaron just feels wrong.”

Rossi smiled at her antics. “Maybe. We’ll come up with a better nickname at some point. Do you want me to get him or will you be okay?”

“Oh I’ll get him! Kids that have just woken up are the cutest thing ever!”

Twenty minutes later, Garcia came down the stairs, her hand being held by Aaron.

He looked tiny, even for a child. His pyjamas, which consisted of a green dinosaur top and matching bottoms (only the bottoms had different dinosaurs all over it whilst the top was a single red one) seemed to swallow him up. His hair was falling in his face and incredibly floppy, only made worse by his recent waking up.

It was an adorable sight, watching him rub one eye to get the sleep out.

Dave crouched down, even as his knees winced. Aaron stared at him with wide eyes.

“How are you feeling little one?” he asked.

Aaron shrugged. “Miss Penny said that we were going to do something fun because of Christmas, so I guess I’m okay.”

It took Rossi a moment to understand what he was saying. He doubted any of them- aside from Will- would actually be able to understand his accent immediately for a long time.

“Yeah. We are going to decorate the Christmas tree that’s over there, and then we’re going to bake some cookies. Then, we can all sit on the couch, drinking hot chocolate and watch a film that you’ll get to pick. And after that, when it’s time to go to sleep, we’ll read a special Christmas story!” Garcia said, more excited than the actual kid.

Aaron turned to stare at her, a little disbelieving. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yeah baby Hotchner. Really.”

He still seemed suspicious. “No catch?”

Garcia’s smile faded and she sat beside him too. “No baby. No catches.”

Hotch regarded her for another moment then turned to Rossi. “Promise Mr David?”

Dave’s heart cracked a little. “I promise.”

“Okay. How do we decorate the tree?” he walked over on little legs to stare at it in awe, before moving onto the bags. He looked at Garcia for permission to look through and when she nodded, he smiled so brightly that Dave wanted to freeze the moment and live in it forever.

Garcia turned to Dave. “Rossi, I-”

“Don’t. Not now. He’s very perceptive. Aaron, we can decorate it however you want. You’re too small to put some of the stuff on, but if you tell us, we’ll do it for you. You can do the branches that are lower down.”

Aaron dropped the tinsel. “However I want?”

Garcia nodded. “It’s your tree.”

Aaron grinned and immediately started dragging all the decorations that he wanted to use towards the tree. Both adults got the hint and stood up, walked over to him and started talking about where the best place to put the various items was.

JJ and Derek came in halfway through the decorating process. Aaron froze momentarily, but when they both smiled and complimented the very hectic tree he relaxed and carried on like nothing had happened.

Morgan lifted him up so he could put the star on and Hotch let out a childish squeal that none of them were ever going to let him forget, and just like that, the tree was done. There was tinsel in all the colours of the rainbow draped over random branches, and baubles hanging off every available surface. The lights were wrapped around each section, going the opposite way to the tinsel and the star at the top was crooked. In Dave’s honest opinion, it looked horrific. But Aaron’s smile and pride in his creation made it beautiful.

When Spencer joined them, right before they started making the cookies, Aaron went into shy mode and hid behind Dave’s legs, peering out from behind him to see Spencer joking with Morgan and Penelope.

“Do you want to go and say hi to Mr Spence?” JJ asked gently.

Aaron shook his head. “Last time he was here, I ran away so I don’t think he wants to be my friend.”

JJ looked shocked. “Of course he wants to be your friend! He gets why you ran away, it’s okay darling. You don’t believe me? Okay. Hold my hand, and I’ll show you how much Spencer wants to be your friend. Come on, let’s go.”

He looked doubtful, but Hotch liked and trusted JJ so he stopped hiding and went over to where Spencer was.

“Hotch! Hi there!” Spencer greeted.

Hotch looked up at JJ who smiled encouragingly.

“Mr Spencer, are you angry at me for running away?” he asked.

Spencer frowned. “No. Of course not. I was a little bit upset, because I thought you didn’t like me, but now I get why you ran away and it’s okay. We’re still best friends forever right?”

Hotch nodded, face very serious. “Forever.”

“Well now that’s been established, lets make some cookies,” Derek said.

“You just want to eat mine,” Garcia scoffed.

“I’d rather eat something else of-”

Garcia hit him. “Not in front of baby Hotchner.”

“Miss Penny? When is Miss Emily going to be here?” he asked.

As if on cue, the door swung open to reveal her. “You really shouldn’t keep the spare key under your doormat. Anyone could just waltz in.”

Hotch threw himself into her arms and she stumbled back slightly. “Oh hello child.”

He looked up at her, cheeks slightly flushed. “Hello Miss Emmy. We’re going to make cookies.”

She smiled. “I love cookies. Do you?”

He nodded. “Miss Penny made some a week ago, but these are going to be special because they’re Christmas cookies. She decorated the tree as well, but I got to tell her what to do. Come and see it!” he said without breathing before dragging her to see it.

The others just shrugged, not willing to dampen his spirits.

“I love him as a kid,” Derek commented as they watched him explain the tree in extensive detail.

Baking cookies consisted of Garcia telling the others what to do and then doing it for them because they couldn’t do it right and Aaron giggling at all of them for being silly. His eyes lit up when Garcia gave him the bowls and a spoon before telling him to eat the cookie dough.

He watched the oven very intently. Reid sat beside him, and before anyone knew what was happening, Hotch was running over to them and asking if they wanted to hear what Dr Spencer- not Mr- had taught him.

Garcia let him decorate a whole batch. More icing ended up on his poor countertops and Aaron’s clothes than on the actual cookie, but if you didn’t look too closely, his reindeer and snowman actually looked like they were the things they were meant to be. And then Derek let him have two, which led to Spencer chasing him all over the mansion- not the house- to burn off the energy.

After several hours, they both collapsed on the couch. Aaron climbed into Garcia’s lap, eyes bright and cheeks red.

“I had so much fun Miss Penny!” he exclaimed.

“I’m so happy for you. Do you want a hot chocolate? We can put… marshmallows and cream and cinnamon in it,” she said.

He smiled. “Please Miss Penny.”

“Okay kiddo. One hot chocolate coming right up.”

He settled onto the couch, nestled in between Dave and Penelope when she came back and handed him the mug, full to the brim with cream and other assorted toppings that were definitely going to ruin his teeth.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever had,” he whispered to her, as though it was a very important secret.

“Even better than Mr David’s spaghetti?” she teased.

Aaron paled and seriously considered her question for a few moments before giving the slightest nod. Garcia squealed then went silent when Dave shot her a strange look. It was halfway through Nativity! that Aaron drifted off, the events of the day finally catching up to him.

Derek was the only one able to carry him up without waking him, so the moment they all realised he was indeed sleeping, they switched the film off. Whilst Derek took the sleeping Hotch to Dave’s guest room that they were going to redecorate as soon as possible, Emily grabbed the first book off the pile and followed. The rest stayed downstairs to wrap the presents that Garcia had left in her car, just in case.

Upstairs, Derek and Emily were watching Aaron sleep. Emily read him Stick Man, deciding it was the best story they could have picked.

“He’s so small,” she whispered.

“He shouldn’t be,” Derek said, switching Aaron’s nightlight on before stepping out the room, leaving the door slightly open.

Emily sighed. “Why are we so full of sadness on Christmas Eve?”

Derek wrapped an arm around her. “It’ll all be fine. There. Optimism.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled at him fondly. “Let’s just go help the others wrap, and by that I mean eat the mince pies meant for Santa.”

It was Derek’s turn to roll his eyes.

Dave woke Aaron up slightly later than normal, deeming the events of the previous night reason enough to let him sleep in.

“Merry Christmas little one,” Dave said.

“It’s Christmas?” Aaron said.

Dave nodded. “And I want you to come and see something. You don’t need to get dressed or anything like that. Actually, do you need to pee?”

Aaron nodded, so Dave let him go.

When he came back, Dave stood, ready to just go downstairs when he picked up on Aaron’s hesitance.

“What is it?”

Aaron stared at the carpet for a few moments.

“Little one, you can tell me.”

Aaron didn’t say anything but made grabby hands.

Dave smiled. “Of course.” He picked Aaron up, regretting it almost immediately but only setting him down when they were about to go into the living room.

“Close your eyes. I promise you it’s a good surprise.”

He only hesitated for a moment before complying and walking in, both hands covering his eyes that were almost certainly squeezed shut.

“Open your eyes,” he said, flicking the light on at the same moment that Aaron did.

“Merry Christmas baby Hotchner!” Garcia shouted.

The others chimed in with their own festive greetings.

Aaron seemed overwhelmed, so Spencer went and knelt beside him, explaining exactly what they were going to do, which calmed him down as he started smiling and seemed very excited for all the presents that were under the tree and addressed to him.

Hours later, when Aaron was resting his head on Spencer’s lap so his hair would be played with, Jessica and Jack arrived, having left her dad’s house early. They watched the scene play out from the doorway, smiling when Dave walked over. He nodded in acknowledgement, not wanting to disturb the scene they were all watching.

“He looks so relaxed,” Jack said.

“I still can’t get over how well you’re taking this,” Jessica admitted.

He shrugged. “I’m just trying to not think about it too much. If it means Dad is going to smile and have some better memories, then I’ll choose to focus on that instead.”

Dave smiled at that. They would worry about the cure later. For now, they would give Aaron some better memories.

When they were winding down for the day, Aaron went up to Dave and Penelope, Spencer holding his hand as the two of them were Best Friends Forever and had to do everything together- Aaron’s words.

“Mr David? Miss Penny?”

They paused in their washing/drying duties and turned to face him so he knew he had their full attention.

“Yes?” Penelope said.

“This was the best Christmas ever.”

Penelope scooped her into his arms, and when the others realised they were hugging a definitely touch-starved Aaron, they all came running over and in that moment, there was no evil or bad in the world because for the first time, child Aaron Hotchner felt completely and utterly safe.

[craftypeaceturtle]

A is for Arrival...?

Summary: Remus and Janus are shopping ready for the new arrival for their family.

Note: The start of an AU and series because I’m just a sucker for any type of familiar sides. Romantic Demus and Royality.

Next Part: B is for Baby Time

.

“Hey Jay?” Remus suddenly stopped; his eyes enormous. 

“Yes, dear?” Janus put on a dramatic Victorian tone, his spine straightening with his hand frozen poised with the packet of washing up sponges. 

“Do we need to get birthday stuff?” Janus immediately scrunched his face, “No wait! Listen. You celebrate your kid’s birthday every year so surely you celebrate his first ever one ever. Right?”

Janus stared into the distance as he dropped the sponges on the floor, “Call your brother.”

“No,” Remus whined but still pulled up his phone and promptly shoved it into Janus’ chest, “He’ll only make fun of me if I ask it. If you ask it, then maybe he’ll presume he’s the stupid!”

“Did he celebrate Logan’s first ever ever birthday? What would you even call it? First day of existence?” Janus frowned as he speed dialled the number. 

“If he did, he didn’t invite me!” Remus shrugged before picking up the sponges. He immediately crowded into Janus and smooshed himself into his shoulder. 

They picked up on the second ring, Patton’s sigh answering. Something that they probably weren’t supposed to hear. “Hello Roman. We just have a quick question,” Janus chirped. 

“Hey Janus. It’s Patton by the way. Wow, another question, huh?” Patton, meanwhile, gave Roman a stern look and thrusted the phone at him again. Roman pulled a face as he shrugged and ducked back down behind the sofa. Frowning, he put it on speaker so they could both suffer, “What did you want to ask?”

“Should we celebrate our baby’s first ever day? Like a birthday but for their very very first birthday?” 

“What!” Roman shrieked before leaping back on to the sofa; ever so suddenly finding the strength to talk. 

“What do you mean ‘what’! God, he’s such a douche,” Remus muttered.

“I’m a douche, oh am I? Why would you celebrate a baby’s first ever day. It’s their first ever day in this world! They get overwhelmed and scared so easily. It’s a big scary world out there and you’re going to shove a party in their face! The baby is barely old enough to move it’s own hands! It’s a baby!” Roman complained while Patton giggled.

“To treat this seriously for a second, when you finally get your baby, the very last thing you want to do is mess around too much. After all this time, all that waiting, you finally get this tiny fragile baby. A tiny itty bitty baby. All you’ll want to do is just sit there and watch them quietly. A party is the last thing you’ll think to do. Heh, me and Roman even forgot to eat that day and only remembered hours later,” Patton spoke softly with his own memories uplifting his annoyance. Roman smiled and knocked their shoulders together. 

“...So is it worth buying like finger food in case we forget to eat?” Remus interrupted.

“Uh... yeah? I mean, yeah that would work,” Roman fumbled.

“Okay. Cheers. Bye!” Remus called out while Janus rolled his eyes, “Wow. We really need to get them something for putting up with all this.”

“Well I’m going to keep talking to them, you weirdo.” Janus ran his hand through Remus’ crazed curls but he was quickly shrugged off as Remus went to evaluate which bleach was best for their toilet, “How are you two?”

“Yeah, all’s good here! Just your typical day, what are you doing?” Patton chirped.

“Baby shopping mixed with some normal shopping. Extremely exciting, I’m sure you’re jealous,” Janus felt his voice go soft at just the mere mention of his coming baby.

“Aww! That’s so sweet,” Patton sighed, “I miss that so much about Logie. Baby clothes shopping is the only reason worth becoming a dad.”

“Oh Pat! Such slander, I’m impressed,” Janus laughed.

“Oh hush! Everyone knows that baby clothes are the best cutest things in existence. Aw, are you going to buy Halloween clothes! Me and Roman saw some adorable skeleton onesies today and I came this close to buying it for the baby.”

“Yeah, I think at this point we’ve bought him more Halloween clothes than normal baby stuff. That’s the whole reason we still have to do some shopping. There were these pumpkin shoes and socks. Oh Pat! I swear if I wasn’t so macho and cool, I would’ve cried. Baby shoes are just so tiny!” Remus raised a brow at his squealing voice. But then he also knew exactly what Janus was talking about just from his tone alone. Those shoes were actually pretty cute. 

“They are right! Aw, do you know any more about the baby?”

“Well...” Janus drawled while Remus took a breath. They agreed that Janus was going to deal with this breaking news.

“We met up with the mother yesterday.”

“Oh! My! Oh! Oh, Jayjay! That’s amazing! How was she?” Remus quickly snatched the phone and flicked it to speaker. Janus raised a brow at him but he was only met with the most mischievous smirk back. He frowned but turned back to continue talking only now with Patton’s voice squeaking out across the aisle. 

“She looked exhausted. I felt so bad for her. Meeting up for a coffee looked like the very last thing she wanted to do,” Remus said. 

“Bless her,” Janus sighed, “She was lovely.”

“Aw, that’s good. We never really got to meet our surrogate, how come yours wanted to meet?”

“Well, she apparently had a bit of a health scare. All is good! Everything is all good! But she just wanted to sit down with us and actually go through everything that happened. So we sat and talked about the health of the baby. Again, all is good obviously. But... so... we may or may not have found out our baby’s gender,” Janus winced once the squeal erupted over the phone. Remus cackled at the amount of people who turned to look at them with dirty looks before he turned the speaker off again. Ah, yes wouldn’t be a trip to the shops if Remus couldn’t spread some mild chaos. 

“What’s their gender!” Patton screamed before launching up from the sofa. Roman was giggling as Patton jumped up and down and spun him around. 

“We’re having a boy!” Janus smiled. He would deny the glow in his chest for this rest of his life but he couldn’t help but grab Remus’ hand. Remus smiled, thankfully, and squeezed his hand with his own lovesick smile. Their baby boy.

“Oh a boy!” Patton squealed high enough for dogs. 

“Typical, not one girl in this entire family,” Roman chuckled. 

“Oh congrats guys! When’s the due date again?” Patton sighed.

“10th of December. I almost feel bad for the boy. He’s going to have to put up with the whole Christmas birthday combination.”

“I’m still upset that he wasn’t a Halloween baby,” Remus frowned. 

They chatted for a few more minutes before Janus finally hung up. They were still holding hands- they would look exactly like a couple from a lovey film if they actually dressed like normal people rather than Disney villains. All they needed to do now grab was some more normal baby outfits. A very simple easy task. Just look at some clothes and chose some cute functional clothes.

But every single time... every single time, they would find the most abnormal baby outfits possible. That and they always spent a good ten solid minutes of staring at the tiny shoes. They looked like build-a-bear shoes. They didn’t even look real. 

“I can’t wait until he arrives,” Remus mumbled as he picked up a hideous orange dinosaur patterned jumper set. Janus tried to hide the smile but he quickly placed his head on his shoulder as they stood there. 

“Neither can I. He can’t come soon enough. Just like how you can’t put back that gross set soon enough.”

“You don’t like it! I think it’s cute.” Remus tilted his head as if that made it cuter. 

“He’s so not going to be an orange baby.”

“You don’t know that! Does he even need a colour?”

“You’ve got green, I like yellow. He also needs a colour. While we can still have control over what he wears at least,” Janus stated like Remus was a toddler trying to argue that the sky was green. 

“So we both have our ugly colours. Then he also needs an ugly colour too! Orange is a disgusting colour!” Remus thrusted the jumper in his face. 

“Oh totally exactly, dear,” Janus rolled his eyes before he then felt the passion erupt from him, “Okay. Firstly, for your information, yellow is a beautiful colour thank you very much. You’re the one that chose the grossest colour of green to embrace. He can have purple,” Janus winced as he guided Remus’ hand back down to the shelf. 

“Purple?” 

“Yes. A beautiful colour. Not only does it screw over superfluous ridiculous gender roles, it also is close enough to match our dress senses,” Janus stated with a proud look. Remus opened his mouth but then snapping it shut with a respectful nod. Yep, that sounded like a plan.  

They eventually found some normal tiny eeny weeny pair of jeans and they used all of their collective strength to stay clear of all the Halloween clothes and bought some presentable jumpers. Janus was finally starting to get fed up with standing around in a shop before he realised that Remus’ eyes kept flicking to a shelf behind them. 

He never made any move to actually go look at whatever it was and he never mentioned it. Janus found every reason to keep looking at the same pairs of stripey socks to give him time but he still said nothing. It was so uncommon that Remus felt shy about suggesting something. What could be the harm? “What you looking at?” Janus asked while exaggeratedly turning around.

“Um... I just noticed...” Remus drawled off. It was just a discount shelf. It was stacked with just random broken items that clearly no one ever take any interest in. Remus shyly sulked up to it and pushed aside the chipped mugs and torn notebooks without any hesitation. He pulled up a baby blanket. 

It was the exact same incredibly soft material all baby stuff was made from. The stuff where your hand magnetised to its softness. It was a quilted baby blanket in a pastel lilac. It was cute but it wouldn’t be on a discounted shelf without reason. There was a large smudge of black marker on its corner. But as Remus held it up, Janus laughed. It wasn’t quilted. It was sewn to be a spider web pattern around the blanket. Clearly an old Halloween gimmick. 

He turned to ask if Remus was all ready to go then and was immediately punched in the stomach. Remus was all teary eyed and awkwardly looking anywhere but him. His fingers brushed through the blanket over and over again. 

“Oh Reem,” Janus cooed and tugged the blanket from his grasp but he didn’t let go.

“I don’t even know why I’m tearing up!” Remus pressed his arms against his face. Janus felt himself tearing up as well. Something about how Remus’ voice would go all wobbly and pitchy when he was on the edge of tears just always got to him, “Just... oh this is so fucking stupid.”

“Well you’ve got us both crying in a shop at 9 in the morning. I’d say it sounds pretty dumb,” Janus smiled.

“Just... he could be our little spider. Just like how I’m your octopus and you’re my snake,” Remus’ voice was practically crumbling away. Janus felt a disgusting childish tear slip down his face.

“Oh Reem.” Janus hugged him, only so he didn’t have to experience the embarrassment of people seeing his husband’s gross taste in blankets of course. 

“How much spider stuff have we bought him! Like that would be perfect. And this is purple and spider!” Remus felt a tear escape his control too but he just buried his nose in Janus’ hair. 

“Oh you are such a nightmare of a husband. I’m taking you back to the husband shop and refunding you,” Janus groaned, he broke away and snatched the blanket from his grasp and shoved it into their trolley. At least it was cheap. Plus they would probably end up staining it with gross new born baby vomit anyway. 

[downtofragglerock]

ATOM Kaiju contest submission

Name: Saroguana

Alias: “The Shark of the Skies”

Date Discovered: December 26, 1956

Place of Origin: The Pacific Northwest

Stomping Grounds: The Pacific Northwest, Typhon Island

Height: 60 feet

Length: 90 feet

Wingspan: 110 Feet

Biology: Saroguana is a rather interesting look into the evolutionary process between the Tiny Tyrant and Flying Tyrant Retrosaur clades. Whereas evolution gradually transformed the arms of some species of Tiny Tyrants into wings, Saroguana seems to belong to an offshoot where the opposite occurred, their forelimbs remained relatively unchanged, but their hindlimbs became great sets of wings. Because of this, Saroguana’s center of gravity and the maintaining of that center is more complicated than that of most Flying Tyrants. Their bright orange body naturally leans forward more, on account for the fact that their forelimbs are being used for support. Saroguana has a rather flexible neck to compensate for this so they can still have a full field of vision. Saroguana also has various structures to help maintain balance, mainly their tail and backfins. The tail, while long, acts more like the short rudder tail seen on some Flying Tyrants, rather than the lizard like one seen on most long-tailed Flying Tyrants. The backfins are a more interesting case. They’re lime green, much like a lot of the accents on Saroguana’s body, and have an odd, hockey stick-like shape to them. They stand straight up on the kaiju’s back when grounded and during takeoff, but during flight, they collapse on top of one another, creating a fin-like shape that makes the body more aerodynamic, especially during Saroguana’s divebomb descents, the source for the creature’s moniker of “The Shark of the Skies”.

Personality: Saroguana is seemingly scatterbrained kaiju, never being able to focus on one thing at a time for very long. While the way they dance around in the air is oddly graceful, they’re quite clumsy when it comes to walking on the ground. Most of the time they waddle around wide-eyed like a confused toddler. They’re a bit of a kleptomaniac, taking seemingly random things either because said things are shiny or just interesting in the kaiju’s eyes. Researchers are still trying to figure out what qualifies as “interesting” to this kaiju, as there is almost no legitimate correlation between items. Saroguana is quite friendly, although they have a somewhat hard time befriending other kaiju due to their klutzy and slightly random nature, and despite being in the size range to get some sustenance out of human meat, has no record of actually eating humans strangely enough. And despite their scatterbrain-ed ness, Saroguana is quite curious, investigating even seemingly innocuous things. Of course, these fixations are quite sporadic, quickly moving from one thing to the next and back again, but the dedication seen in those periods is actually quite admirable.

History: It wasn’t too long after Christmas that reports came in about missing… well, just about everything past a certain size. Cars, cattle, roofs, even lampposts where there one moment and seemingly taken the next. A few years prior, this would had left authorities baffled, but the world was now firmly in an age of giant monsters, and the now-reasonable assumption that a kaiju was behind this was quickly assumed. But what kind of monster and where it was were questions still up in the air. A couple days later, a nearby thermal power plant reported disturbances, and several hunches where proven (as well as several bets won) when those assigned to investigate saw two large deep blue eyes staring right at them. The kaiju went on a brief rampage, surprising some with its leg-wings and besting various fighter jets with its dive-bombing prowess. However, during said scuffle, the creature spontaneously retreated and was later found resting in the same plant it was found in. The beast’s motives were realized when a crude cow carcass-ridden nest made up of wrecked cars, building pieces, and lampposts was discovered in one of the hotter areas of the plant, with the kaiju nestled in there like a bird. The creature (which would later be dubbed Saroguana for unknown reasons) was a large reptile in the height of winter, and simply trying to find a nice warm place to rest for the season, like a family during the holidays. Saroguana would later be shipped off to Typhon island where they have acclimated rather well to their new warmer surroundings.

---

At first it was a bit challenging trying to come up with an idea for a kaiju that fit within the parameters of ATOM’s fictional universe, since I’m more of a fan of the “ancient quasi mythical” aspect of kaiju rather than the “giant creature products of the atomic age” that ATOM’s kaiju are more inclined to. My original idea was a heavily mutated deranged crow, as sort of a reference to the infamous knife-wielding crow of Vancouver and the Giant Claw, but it didn’t really feel right. Considering a majority of ATOM’s kaiju are a reference to some distinct type of Mesozoic reptile, I decided to go from there. I wanted my kaiju to stand out, so I looked at the Triassic, and its menagerie of somewhat unappreciated reptilian oddities, for inspiration. I remember a majority of the dinosaur books I had as a kid, during the obligatory “before the dinosaurs” bit, had various stock species shown off, and two creatures that where often featured together where Longisquama and Sharovipteryx, mainly because of the outdated belief that they were connected in some way to pterosaur evolution. I had also been playing around with a speculative evolutionary concept involving the latter animal, wondering if the hind leg gliders could have evolved into full blown wings, said concept was also partly inspired by Sebulba from Star Wars. So, taking a page out of Toho’s notebook of prehistoric chimera kaiju, I decided to combine them, taking Longisquama’s quills and the main body plan of Sharovipteryx. The name is also a combination of the two as well, though I did change “guama” to “guana” to make it sound more like iguana, since the retrosaurs are tied to the old belief of dinosaurs being “big lizards”.

While the color scheme wasn’t featured on the illustration, (I’ve grown more confident in my drawing skills over the years, my coloring abilities, not so much) I decided to base Saroguana’s colors off of the Nui Rama from Bionicle. One was bright orange and the other was lime green, so much like with the design and name, I combined the color schemes into one.

The discovery date is the original Japanese release date for Rodan. It was the first kaiju film I ever saw, and seeing as how I was creating a flying monster, I decided to give it a little shoutout.

For @tyrantisterror​ and his kaiju contest

[sarahreesbrennan]

How come between Season of The Witch and Daughter of Chaos, we skipped Sabrina's dark baptism and Tommy being resurrected/killed and went straight into the Greendale 13 threat? Loving the books so far, just curious. 🖤🖤

That’s a great question and I’m so happy you’re enjoying! I’m so sorry this reply is late, I am on unexpected deadline but I know I have a few Sabrina, Fence and In Other Lands answers owing and I am delighted the questions were asked!

There is a confusion that often arises because the category of media tie-in novels (books set in the world of a media property) has two main subcategories. They are similar and have much in common, but aren’t the same.

A) One is novelizations, which is basically a book that tells the same story as the movie/TV show/graphic novels, but through a different medium. The story covers the same space of time, and includes much of the same dialogue. It’s the same story told in a different way.

B) Two is tie-in books, which tell different stories that fit in before or after, or in the spaces between the story. Often tie-in books start with prequels, telling the tale of how the characters get to the place before the story began. It’s a different story but it’s crafted specifically to tie in with the larger story.

Both subcategories are set in the specific story world. Both offer insight into the characters, their thoughts and feelings, and secret motivations, but they are different kinds of story.

I had no idea of these distinctions before I started to write tie-in books myself, so I explain here because hey, knowledge is always useful. I’ve now read a lot of them, because I wanted to teach myself how to write them and because they’re fun, so I thought discussing examples might illustrate the difference.

The Iron Man novelization by Peter David is widely considered especially good. I’ve read it and I like it a lot: great echoes, perfect story beats. (I discuss it pretty technically because I was reading it in order to teach myself to write a novelization, as opposed to a tie-in novel. I have written a novelization, but not in the Sabrina universe and not under my name for contractual reasons!) It tells the story of the first Iron Man movie, how Tony Stark became Iron Man. A novelization means a lot of the (in this case funny and great) dialogue from the movie must be used, but then with a novelization you have to get pretty specific about why the characters said what they said, and how they felt when they said it. One thing I liked a lot in the novel was the insight offered that Tony Stark’s actions at the beginning of the story were frequently driven by sheer boredom--that he was a genius who wasn’t given enough scope for his genius, and was acting out. 

An example of a fabulous tie-in book is Tess Sharpe’s The Evolution of Claire, a book that ties in with the Jurassic World movies, a prequel of how the heroine Claire gets involved in the dubiously moral world of dinosaur park creation. So it happens before the events of the movies, but by reading it you understand Claire better, her ambitions and frustrations. Another such is Leigh Bardugo’s Wonder Woman novel, Warbringer, showing Diana’s much earlier years, and making you understand more deeply how Diana evolved her moral philosophy and her secret insecurities. 

There’s a great article in the Guardian about tie-in novels: https://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2018/jul/17/tie-in-novelisations-star-wars-jurassic-world

To add to the confusion, stories can have both novelizations and tie-in novels. 

Star Wars famously had absolute masses of tie-in novels. The Star Wars universe is so popular it even has junior and adult novelizations--two different novelizations of the same movie. Patricia C. Wrede, a rather fabulous YA/MG SFF writer, wrote the junior novelizations of the Star Wars prequels. (I’ve read them but if you want to get started on Patricia C. Wrede I would recommend her Enchanted Forest Chronicles. Nothing to do with Star Wars, I just love them.) 

Star Wars also has category B, the tie-in novels. For instance, Resistance Reborn by Rebecca Roanhorse, which is a story that takes place in between the events of the movies The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker. I have also read this book. Very cool interstellar war and spies action, but also... for them that like that kind of thing, among which I would include myself... Poe ties Finn’s tie. Thank u Rebecca Roanhorse.

Similarly, there’s a novelization of Maleficent 2 (Maleficent 2: Mistress of Evil by Elizabeth Rudnick), but there’s also a tie-in novel set between Maleficents 1 and 2 (Heart of the Moors by Holly Black) telling you what happened in between the events of those movies. Significant things can happen in those spaces--deaths, courtships, mysteries solved and secrets told. A dungeon scene between Prince Philip and Maleficent is in Heart of the Moors. It’s very important.

So in a novelization, a retelling of a story through a different medium, you get the same events as in the story. But you might get extra scenes that cast a different light on the story, and you will get access to the inner thoughts and motivations of the characters.

And a tie-in book is usually set in between the seasons of a TV show/movies/issues of a graphic novel. It’s a story made to fit into a liminal space, and meant to shed light both on what happens in between the stories, but to cast light before itself and behind itself--so you might learn more about the characters’ pasts, or learn things about their feelings that will illuminate why they behave in a certain way in the future.  

For the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, I was hired to write tie-ins, so I wrote a prequel (Season of the Witch) which shows the summer before Part 1, the autumn when Sabrina turns sixteen and has to sign her soul away. It’s an adventure with a rusalka, but also shows us how Sabrina came to be 100% certain her wild witch cousin Ambrose would have her back, why she was insecure enough to do memory spells on her boyfriend (Harvey), and it’s an opportunity to know how the witch world works before our heroine does.

Then I wrote Daughter of Chaos, which happens over mortal New Year’s, right after the Christmas episode that ends Part 1, and before Part 2--because the show didn’t have mortal New Year’s. That was a new adventure that could also tell us how people felt after the events of Part 1, and why people might act the way they would in Part 2. It’s about bad luck spells and enchanted towns, but it’s also about coping with a break-up and how that can put you on a different path, about bereavement and trauma caused by magic, and about longing for affection. Plus it provides us the first hints about hell, before our heroine sees the sparks fly. 

Same deal with book 3, Path of Night, which happens between Parts 2 and 3, in the early spring while Sabrina’s boyfriend (Nick) is in hell. It’s a quest for an item of power to release your beloved from suffering, but it’s also about what happens when you ask a lot (too much?) from your friends, how you can climb out of trauma toward loving relationships (between mean-girl witches and wicked-witch cousins), and how trauma can take someone apart (nobody in hell is having a good time). Plus it provides knowledge about hell before our heroine gets it in Part 3, and glimpses pertaining to heaven.

This month my tie-in novel with C.S. Pacat’s Fence graphic novels comes out (September 29!) and it’s set after the events of volume 4, though the book Striking Distance also works (like Season of the Witch) as an entryway into a new world and an introduction to the characters (in this case a fencing team at an elite boarding school). You try to make every book a possible gateway, but a book 1 definitely should be. (Still, I read Vampire Diaries Book 4 first and caught on just fine, and I recall one reader who read Daughter of Chaos/Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Book 2 and was like, ‘I do not watch this show and did not read Book 1, but I get everything and also Nick Scratch can get it.’)

Another person reading the Sabrina books was like, ‘Sabrina talks a lot about her Dark Baptism in Season of the Witch but then it never happens, Sarah Rees Brennan!’ And this is true, because it happens on the show, and I wasn’t writing novelizations. I think writing Sabrina’s Dark Baptism and Tommy’s death would have been cool and heartbreaking, but I wasn’t meant to retell a lot of scenes from the show. I did snabble a few scenes, but only ones I could use specifically for the purposes of telling the new, in-between stories.

For both novelizations and tie-ins, you get the scripts of the media property you’re working with. Sometimes you get several versions of the scripts. Sometimes you don’t know until you watch the filmed version that scenes got cut. (There were several scenes I read about in the Sabrina scripts, which were cut later, that I used to inform the books. Plus sometimes it’s just fun to watch something and be like, I KNOW WHY e.g. SHE HAS THIS ACCENT/HIS SHIRT DISAPPEARED.) For both you get insights into the story, and especially insights into points of view, that I think you can really only get with books.

For both novelizations and tie-ins, you consult with the writers for the media property, are told things to do and things not to do, and have opportunities to do other optional research. (Things I have done in pursuit of better tie-in novels: written to Sabrina actors and asked them their character thoughts and how they played certain scenes. Forced C.S. Pacat to play with my kitten on a skype call while I took her notes about fencing and feelings.)  

For both novelizations and tie-ins, you have to write them fast, and you have highly specific contracts. Christopher Golden, who’s written many Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Daredevil novels, discusses some details here: https://iamtw.org/from-daredevil-to-buffy-christopher-golden/

So, that’s Options A and B. There’s also Mystery Option C, stories that blur the lines between the two, such as the events of a story told from the point of view of supporting characters, so you see both behind the scenes, the scenes and often before-and-after for the story proper. Tom Stoppard’s play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, focusing on Hamlet’s pals from uni. I don’t know what you’d call them. I just wanted to say that they exist too.

Thank you for reading! (Both this and the books.) I hope this was informative and not too dull. :)

[lovemesomesurveys]

created by: allwrongx - Bzoink

Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? Yeah, just one tall one as of now. I definitely need to get another one because this one is stuffed. 

If you answered yes to the above, are your books ordered in a special way? The series are grouped together, but otherwise no.

Have you ever owned action figures? Yeah.

Why did you last smile? Because of something in a video I was watching earlier.

Do you have a close relationship with your immediate family? Yes.

If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? I’d put it towards my Doordash order that I will be doing later.

If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? Uh, no. Definitely not.

Do you crack your knuckles, neck or toes constantly? My knuckles and neck.

Are you constantly catching colds or other sicknesses? No, which always strikes me as odd cause I feel like due to health reasons I would. I do feel unwell and crappy a lot, though, due to said health reasons.

Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Yeah, a ton.

Have you ever seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Many times. I’ve even gone to a few watch parties where it’s super interactive. 

Where do you do most of your shopping? For clothes, Boxlunch and Hot Topic. For food, Walmart and our nearby grocery store. For other things, it varies and depends on what it is.

Are you afraid of mice? Yes.

What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I like to get t-shirts or hoodies, keychains, maybe a magnet, and whatever else I find that interests me.

Do you vacation often? No, unfortunately. It’s been a lot less the past few years. With COVID now, who knows when I’ll vacation again. I’m so glad I was able to go on a Disneyland trip right before the pandemic and quarantine hit. I had no idea that would be the last time for a long time.

Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? Yeah. My pajamas and “day” clothes are the same items: leggings and oversized graphic tees.

What's your favorite candy bar? White chocolate. 

Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No.

If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? None at the moment.

If you could put any person or characters face on money, whose would it be? Uhhh.

The place that you'd most like to be right now is where? Right here in my bed.

Do large crowds make you anxious? Very. I get anxious and overwhelmed. 

Do you own a helmet of any sorts? Nope.

Will you willingly sing in front of other people besides your family? Nooo.

What's in the box? I have no idea. 

Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? Just for Christmas, really. Especially me.

Would you take the chance to be Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys for a day? No, but I love Nancy Drew books. Those were some of my favorites as a kid. I still love mysteries, but I like solving them as a reader, comfy in bed, ha.

Do you eat soup when you're sick? Sometimes. That’s when I’m really sick and I’m just trying to get something in my stomach.

Is there a specific mug or coffee cup that you have to use all of the time? Not have to, but yeah I have my favorites.

Have you ever watched Doctor Who? Nope. I’ve never had an interest in checking out.

If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet? --

Do you prefer to do your shopping online or in person? Online, definitely. I do all my shopping online now, but even pre-COVID I was doing quite a bit of it online the past few years.

If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Like I mentioned, Nancy Drew was one of them. I also loved Goosebumps, The Babysitter’s Club, Ramona and Beezus, Sweet Valley High, Judy Blume books, etc.

Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? No. I Google places, though.

Would you please belt out a few song lyrics here? “I’m desperate for changing, starving for truth. I’m closer to where I started, I’m chasing after you.”

How do you get rid of your hiccups? Nothing seems to work, I just have to wait ‘em out.

Is there one saying that you've adopted from someone/somewhere else? Of course. I feel like that’s a common occurrence that happens for everyone.

Do you buy Halloween candy when it's on sale after the holiday? I used to.

Why is your favorite teacher your favorite? My 4th grade teacher, who also ended up teaching 8th grade and I got to have him again, will always be a favorite of mine. He was just such an awesome teacher. He really cared about education and helping students. He made learning fun. He was also just really funny and cool. He was everyone’s favorite.

Who can never fail to make you laugh? My doggo.

Do you agree with the "they're just being kids" excuse? Uhh, depends on what they’re doing?

How many pets have you had in your lifetime? 4 doggos, 2 hamsters, and numerous fish.

Were you ever afraid of monsters under your bed? Nah.

Would you kindly recommend your favorite movie to me? I have a ton of favorites from various genres.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #326

“life by life  /  waste to waste  /  i'm the harbinger: the master of decay”

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? Probably the venue. Or possibly the photographer. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? Not very. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Very much so. Do you own anything that is special edition? Yeah, things like DVDs. Do you have any funky bookmarks? I have this one meerkat bookmark where the image moves when you tilt it. Did you ever watch Pokemon? Hell yeah I did. Are there more females or males in your family? Females. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mom does due to having gerd. Dad did too when I actually lived with him. I wouldn't know nowadays. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? No. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. Any essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Similar interests, like being a metal fan and gamer especially, as well as a serious animal lover for sure. Any romantic gestures you really like? Okay if someone did that little bow thing while reaching out for my hand to dance, I'd melt, lol. I also appreciate love interests holding open doors, SHOWING INTEREST IN HOW I FCKN FEEL, asking permission before doing anything in sexual exploration, stuff like that. Any sexual fantasies? Are you daring enough to share one? Yep, not sharing those lmfao. Have you ever been in love? Twice. What is your favorite/least favorite word? My favorite is "serendipity/serendipitous," and my least favorite is "retarded." Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. If I actually had a body I was confident in, I probably would in privacy tho at night lmao. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Oh yeah. What is your favorite thing to do? Probably RPing with my favorite OCs when I'm in a really creative mood and during a great scene. Did you go to your senior prom? Yeah, I did. Prom's honestly pretty damn overrated, but I did it and his senior prom anyway. It's the picking out a beautiful dress and taking pictures that I loved. What did you do after graduation? I don't remember. We probably went out to eat or something. Favorite home cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? Nothing, really. Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? No. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. Uhhhhh idk. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I hate the texture of whipped cream. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? Sometimes if I want a snack but am trying to be healthy-ish, I'll eat just a scoop. What was the last pill you took for? Pain. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? Loose, 100%. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Meerkats grooming. I did it in high school on a large piece of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Take It Like a Woman" by Alice Cooper, for one. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Very smart, sweet, friendly, and nice. Game you were best at in PE/gym? Pf, none. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Pokemon. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's talk about deep stuff regarding the world or about how awesome animals are. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh boy. There are just way too many. I'll try to name a few: 1.) the "I can't find my berries" saga guy; 2.) *in drive-thru, asked what he would like to order* "I wanna FUCKIN DIE"; 2.) "i cOUldA DROPpeD my CroISSAnt"; 3.) "it's Wednesday, m'dudes"; 4.) "a d a m"; 5.) "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH." God, I miss Vine. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Holy cow, I have no idea. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite tradition? Dressing up for Halloween, even though I don't do it anymore... Talent you’re proud of having? Writing. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz was unbeatable. I was obsessed. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Favorite potato food? French fries. Tell me the color of your eyes, without using the name of a color: Uhhhh a cloudy sky right before rain? Ever been through a goth phase? Goth is my fucking AESTHETIC. I wish I could afford a truly gothic wardrobe, because you bet your sweet ass it's all I'd wear out. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I think so? It was a Blueberry, I believe. Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? Obviously the Cheshire cat. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? Lately, it's been tarantula and snake channels/pet YouTubers. I still think my overall favorites are let's plays, but right now it's just stepping back a bit. What’s the next project you are excited to start? I have this pretty cool drawing I wanna do of a morbid meerkat doing a big toothy smile, doing a peace sign (but his fingers are syringes) with a crown blinking over his head. Inspired by the "Professional Griefers" lyric of "lab rat king." I just really wanna make it perfect and am procrastinating in fear of failing... Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think I believe in miracles. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, Justine, and Chloe, to name a few. Which did you like better: high school or college? High school, at least in most ways. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. My interests just kinda threw up everywhere, haha. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. Were you raised religious? Yes. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't have to do taxes yet. What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? Venus was the first big thing, I think. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament: I don't know what that would be, honestly. We have so very many. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Dad's always been a mailman, and he also had a second job as a carpenter for a while. Mom worked with special needs children at my elementary school as a teacher assistant. She also worked at the hospital at one point, doing some computer work. I don't remember her actual position. Are you taller than your mom? We're the same height. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Sure, that's not a big deal to me. Last reason you went to the ER? For myself, a suicide attempt/overdose. What was the last word document you typed? This survey, actually, so I could save progress as I combine them. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? Global warming. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple. I wanted apple slices with peanut butter. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? Holy SHIT that is impossible. Maybe the devil cakes, but I really don't know. I love most of them. Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? Bagged. White, wheat or other? Mom buys white bread, but my favorite is pumpernickel. What was the last non-fiction book you’ve read? (Not a school textbook!): I ain't got a clue. I don't really read non-fiction. What color are your headphones/earbuds? These are blue. Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Yep. Thankfully, I don't snore. Do you feel guilty about killing bugs? Yep. How do you feel about coconut? Not a fan. ^ Ever cracked one open? Ha, I've always wanted to. Who did you last worry about and why? My mom. She's getting a CT scan ASAP due to chronic headaches and stomach pain, so I'm worried her cancer might be re-emerging. When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I don't know; I struggle to do this. If I don't like something, my face shows it. I can't help it. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of? No. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? N/A If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? I don't know. Real talk, I find most luxury brands to sell pretty ugly stuff... Do you like candy canes? Yeah. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yes; one is my landlord. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? It was black. Ever go to another school’s prom? No. Do you like burning candles or incense? I love incense. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? When I used to live in the woods, I did every now and then to take pictures. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? Single, but that would be so romantic. /swoons How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was this emo/metalhead/goth creature. What is the best present you have ever received? My dog Teddy. <3 What is the best present you have ever given? I put the most effort into a scrapbook thing of well over a hundred reasons I loved my then-boyfriend Jason. Even though we're done, I honestly hope he still has it, just to remember. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Sara's parents paying for a flight up there to be with Sara for her birthday. Have you ever been robbed? No, thankfully. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? Definitely a nope. Ever give someone a wrong phone number on purpose? No. What’s the strangest thing you have ever witnessed firsthand? I have no idea. It's... very morbid, but possibly dogs twitching after being euthanized. Seeing Teddy do it was such a strange, painful experience. Like there was still life in there... even though I know it was just his nerves doing their final hoorah and he was already dead. Ever seen a psychiatric ward? I've been in a mental hospital five or six times, so I'm uncomfortably familiar with them. What is the last thing you did that you didn’t want to do? Group therapy. I'm really burning out on it. Thankfully, I don't have it on the weekends. What is the last thing you convinced someone else to do? I dunno. If you could live in a different time, would you? When? Nah. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? Sleeping alone is more comfortably physically, but I usually prefer sleeping with a partner because there's this amazing feeling of safety, love, and companionship. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Do you prefer cold air and blankets, or warm air and no blankets? Cold air and blankets by ten miles. I can't sleep if I'm even remotely hot. How often do you dust? Sigh, not as much as I need to. What is the most "extreme" activity you have ever done? I haven't done very much that fits that description... so idk. Dr. Pepper or root beer? Dr. Pepper. I hate root beer. Last room you cleaned? Mine. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? Checked into the doctor's office by myself, haha... Talk about sad. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? It's not my business to actually share those pictures, but I can describe them. I fucking ADORE this candid photograph I took of my mom laughing; I will forever cherish it. It's morbid to think about, but it's absolutely a picture I'll frame of her once she's passed away. I don't have many pictures of Dad, but I do really like this picture we took together at Red Lobster once. Are you subscribed to anything (Magazines, monthly boxes, streaming sites, etc.)? Mom pays an Adobe Creative Cloud photography bundle subscription for me, but that's it. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. It was a rewatch for me, but she'd never seen it. What’s something exciting that’s happened to one of your friends recently? A childhood friend got engaged a few days back. Do you have any board games? If so, where do you keep them? We have a few somewhere. What were the last things you glued together? I don’t recall. What are your friends’ pets’ names? I'll just use Sara here since she's my best friend. She has two family dogs, Buster and Beesly, a cat named Winter, four ball pythons named Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, and Jane Marie, and Doris, a bearded dragon that I personally adore most. :') What all did you do today? I played World of Warcraft early this morning, but not for very long. I've been in a phase of being very uninterested in it lately. I've mostly just done surveys... lots of surveys. I'm just in the mood to. I've also been listening to music and watching John Wolfe play Amnesia: Rebirth periodically. If you live in a house, how many floors does it have? If you live in an apartment building, how many units does it have? It's just one floor. Would you like to live in a world with mythical creatures, even if they turned out to be evil or dangerous? Honestly... I probably would, haha. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? Never, I think and hope. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? Eggs or oatmeal. Not really. What do you think of people who purposefully train their dogs to fight or to be aggressive? They're fucking garbage human beings. If you suffer/have suffered with acne, do you squeeze your spots or do your best to just leave them be? Ugh, I was so bad (and still am if something pops up) about picking at it. Does your father have any hobbies? What are they? Sure. He loves sports, fishing, idk if he still plays video games, fantasy football... and I can't forget playing with his grandkids. It's hard for me to know all of them when I don't live with him and see him rarely. What did the last face mask you wore look like? It was just a white cotton one. Is there a specific song that you always request at parties? What is it? I don't go to parties. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write it. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? I've had infected piercings as well as a badly infected pilonidal cyst. Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? Aaaaand now I'm hooked on "NIHIL" by 3TEETH. Are you currently texting anyone right now? No. When was the last time you played jump rope? Yikes, probably not since I was a kid. I used to love it. Who was the last person you offended? I dunno. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? Not early. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I know trans people who have, yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support and survived? No. At least, I don't believe so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced, and Mom at least can't stand him. Dad doesn't really care. Do you ever feel like you’re sharing too much about yourself online? Oh, I absolutely used to. I still might, idk. I've tried to reel it back some. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Eight, but they're just small, vertical rectangles stacked together, so it's not as revealing as it sounds. What was the last necklace you wore? My spiked choker, I think, for pictures. Or maybe the one I have with a bunch of big silver skulls. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I don't think so, no. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? My half-sister on Dad's side that I've never met. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? A shack, yeah. Do you like art? I positively adore it. I could NOT imagine life without it. How about theatre? I don't care for it. Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes, for Sara. Do you talk to your crush? If you have one. Yeah, she's my best fren. If yes, what do you usually talk about? Nowadays I ask her almost daily how she's doing in regards to her progress of recovering from both serious physical and mental stressors. I try to always be an available ear if she ever wants to vent. Would you rather read or watch a video about something? Watch a video. In what ways have you fulfilled some of the hopes and dreams you had as a teenager? I've fulfilled none of those. What’s one stressful thing you’ve been trying to deal with lately? How have you been dealing with it? Inexplicable, chronic boredom/serious anhedonia. I've just... put up with it. I get pleasure out of essentially nothing most days, and it sucks big time. I just try to distract myself and force myself to do things I usually love, though I've been bad about actually succeeding in making me do said stuff... Is there a regional chain of store/restaurant/etc. in your area that you feel very loyal to? MOTHERFUCKIN BOJANGLE'S, BITCH. You think YOU have good fries somewhere? Oh hunny, sit down. Oftentimes, people warn us against getting tattoos or body modifications or dying our hair unnatural colors because we could be judged poorly for them. But has a more “alternative” look ever worked out in your favor? Well, I like myself better with my piercings and tattoos, and that's all that really matters to me. Do you have any daily routine/habit of that you’re really proud of keeping up? No. .-. Pick one of the following activities to do in a forest (assume you would be equally good at each one of these): Foraging for mushrooms, identifying trees, searching for specific types of bugs, trying to build something out of fallen branches and logs. Searching for bugs w/ my camera!!! But that all sounds fun. What’s the hardest class you’ve ever taken? My most recent math course that I failed horribly.

[szopenhauer]

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning? I doubt that I’ll fall asleep tonight but if it happens then I want to sleep in

Have you ever been in an ambulance? twice Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? I prefer to buy them myself but I don’t like to travel lol Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? I hate them and they hate me back Do you try to stay busy a lot? define busy Do you lie a lot? nah, I exaggerate tho Do you still act childish most of the time? yup Did you ever enjoy gym class? yep What is your biggest insecurity? look? my skin  What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? my cellphone Do people consider you to be a funny person? yeah Do you have any bad habits? sure Do you like children? nooo If not, why is this? many reasons Do you own any gaming systems? I only play PC/ online/android apps How old were your parents when they had you? in their 30s Is there a big age difference between you and the person you date? there's barely any difference Does the future excite you or scare you? scares me Do you try to spend a lot of time with family? yes What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? we’ll see What is your favorite movie from the nineties? hard choice Which decade were you born in? 90s XD Are you good at giving advice to people? I am but they don’t listen Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? wouldn’t say so Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? me, I make myself feel useless because I am useless  Do you like texting or calling people more? texting Do you have a lot of friends? I have  no friends Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? meh Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? stay in Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I don’t attract them Where is your favorite place to travel? nowhere What is your goal for the next few months? working on my health issues mostly Do you own a lot of shoes? just a few pairs Would you rather wear jeans or sweatpants? sweatpants Do you think you have a good sense of style? I have my own sense of style but I head I’m good with accessorising Do you enjoy reading often? occassionally only Have you ever had a deadly illness? sigh... Where did you last eat dinner at? finally home

have you ever been invited to a tacky-christmas-sweater party? I like tacky sweaters but I dislike parties what is the biggest turn off to you? penis

when was the last time you had a nightmare? recently where do you see yourself in ten years? dead if you had the chance to re-do the past six months…would you do it? maybe does your family have traditions? some sort of have you ever had a horrible school picture? I’m ugly whose voice will never fail to get on your nerves? hmm... do you sleep on your stomach, side or back? definitely not my back would you ever take up a job in photography? don’t think so

Do you find it hard to believe that a dinosaur was once right where u are? kinda

What is your favourite part of the movie “The Lion King”? Timon and Pumba moments

Do you knock before entering someone’s room? of course

Would you freak out if you saw a spider crawling on you right now? one was crawling on me today twice and I didn’t freak out

Have you ever used a tanning bed? hell no Do you think people will eventually stop believing in God? :o

Have you ever been go-cart racing? I have not

How many jobs have you had in your life? it’s complicated but I’d say zero

Does your shower have a door or curtains? we have bath

Are you good at remembering names? am really bad at it

Have you ever walked the opposite direction on an escalator? noooo

When making pancakes, do you try to make cool shapes/pictures? I don’t cool

Opinions on Channing Tatum? blergh

Do you use your hand when you’re explaining something? it’s possible

Do you still live in your home town? I do indeed

Where do you apply cologne or perfume? -

What about your look makes it your signature ‘you’ look? childish stuff, leggings, funny quotes on T-shirts...

Do you have an innie or outie? innie

Do you type quickly or slowly? very fast

Have you ever been addicted to a game? for a short time period

How long do you spend getting ready every day? minutes

How many cavities do you have? lots

Do you take surveys hoping someone will see your answers or just ‘because’? just because

What diet could you never do? vegan

What kind of toothpaste do you like? none

What would you never do, for all the money in the world? sell my soul

Is the grass greener on the other side? it’s probably fake 

who picks the music when you’re riding in the car? driver

do you know anyone who regularly uses a bike for transportation? my uncle

do you consider audio books not really reading? it’s listening

strangest thing you’ve ever put in the trunk of a car? wtf

do you carry matches or a lighter? I own a lighter but I don’t carry either around

do you keep socks with a hole in them if they are your favorites? ^^” 

last time you wore clothes that were too small on you. I wear oversized

have you ever had something taken away from you by airport security? luckily not

something you were surprised to learn about your parent’s childhood? personal

do you store any non food items in the fridge? cosmetics (my mom does, not me)

have you ever told a friend you thought their parent was hot? not applicable

have you ever destroyed another person’s belongings out of anger? don’t do that!

plain band aids or fun ones? plain

which pain killer do you use? time 

have you ever borrowed underwear from a friend? disgusting, cringe

last pair of shoes you threw out? my red martens? 

have you ever thrown anything up to hang on the power/phone lines? I’m not stupid

do you pay attention to people’s posture? rarely

could you happily survive in a world without music? if I was born in it then 100% but if it stopped existing now then I’d be sad, still survive  has anyone ever revealed one of your secrets to another person? more than once if you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? this question today...

what do you often assume about other people? that they’re evil, more or less

do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex? middle school? how do you hold/position your pillow while you sleep? dunno how to explain that what kind of environment do you need to be able to sleep? not fresh pajama/sheets, smth under my chest/lungs lately, arm under a small pillow, light until I feel sleepy enough to turn it off, not wanting to eat or pee anymore as it bothers me, preferably no noise and strong smells too, alone, pajama, socks when it’s cold... have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? ewww, feet are gross have you ever farted, but tried to pass it off as someone else? as smth else*

why do you use foul language, if you do? it helps like punching something

is there a type of candy that you do not like? most of candies is there anything about which you are consistently paranoid? sadly rank your life based on percentage spent happy, and percentage spent sad: 99% unhappy?...

Would you rather date someone opposite from you or the same as you? similar

Do you own any band merch? I wish 

Do you like Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit? LOTR but not Hobbit

Do you usually regret things you did or things you didn’t do more? things I did

Do you prefer shopping with friends or by yourself? depends

If you had a parrot, what would be the first word you would teach it? hello/hi

What food did you eat the most lately? white bread

What do you want your wedding song to be? our song

True/False : If it’s meant to be, it will be. hopefully true

what’s something you want but will probably never get? health

Do you get embarrassed when your stomach growls in class? that is sooo awkward

Do you think tattoos are hot? I don’t mind some

When did you last play Monopoly? this year?

Do you love food more than you love people? I don’t like food nor ppl

True or False: you this read wrong I read this right, you written it wrong

Do you think underwater pictures look cool? creepy

What is the most ridiculous law you ever heard about? there was this guy who broke some ridiculous laws in England 

[amaranthinecanicular]

hardly a time for sobriety

Maybe too much eggnog? Maybe too much eggnog. Alfred, elementary math teacher extraordinaire, has had it bad for the high school AP English teacher ever since he subbed in for the elementary school librarian, but this is definitely the first time he’s told anyone about it. It’s also the first time he’s described it as having “the hottie hot hots for Professor Snack over there.” 

[Written for @sterndecorum (a million years late, as per usual) for the 2018 @usuknetwork Gift Exchange. I’m so sorry, but I hope you enjoy! Happy belated holidays!]

....

Maybe too much eggnog? Maybe too much eggnog. Like, Alfred has had it bad for the high school AP English teacher ever since he subbed in for the elementary school librarian, but this is definitely the first time he’s told anyone about it. It’s also the first time he’s described it as having “the hottie hot hots for Professor Snack over there.” Elizaveta, who teaches art, looks delighted. Kiku, the librarian, looks profoundly uncomfortable.

Alfred tries to grimace but it feels kind of sloppy on his face. “Don’t think I meant to say that. Too much eggnog?”

“Too much eggnog,” Kiku confirms. At the same time Elizaveta says, “Are you kidding? Not enough eggnog. I’ve had to watch you pine away every time Kirkland drops off lunch for his brother. You are ending my misery tonight.”

She hands Alfred another plastic cup of ‘nog while Kiku makes a despairing noise in the back of his throat. It is possible that Elizaveta has also had too much eggnog. Sober Alfred would probably be embarrassed to learn that his affections have been transparent for the last several months. Sober Alfred might also call it quits on the alcohol before he really makes a poor decision amongst all his coworkers and peers. Sober Alfred has left the building, thank god, because that guy is a drag.

He takes some fortifying gulps of his new drink and spies stealthily--he hopes it’s stealthy, he sure feels stealthy--on Arthur from across the faculty room, which was definitely not meant to accommodate this many drunk teachers. He’s chatting with the high school French teacher and the severe-looking middle school principal. (The holiday party is district wide this year. It’s a cutbacks thing.) It’s hard to tell if Arthur is enjoying the conversation or not. Mostly he’s scowling. It’s ten kinds of adorable. So is his stodgy old man sweater vest. Alfred wants to kiss his eyebrows.

“Please never say that again,” says Kiku in a strained voice. Whoops, that last part may have been out loud. Too much eggnog. He takes another sip anyway.

“Hey, s’your fault for calling in sick that day,” he says. September fourteenth, two PM, Alfred will never forget it. He walked the kids from math to the library and he thought hey it’s that one grumpy asshole and then the grumpy asshole spoke all soft and sweet to the kids and he read Charlotte’s Web so pretty and Alfred’s next thought was oh shit oh fuck I’m going to marry him someday. And that was completely sober. “Shame on you for marathoning the Silent Hill games so early in the school year. And also for not inviting me. No one but y’rself to blame.”

Kiku takes a grim sip of his tea. Yeesh, tea at a holiday party. “I am aware.”

Just then the French teacher laughs loudly enough for Alfred to hear it. A hand lands on Arthur’s shoulder. In the fuzzy recesses of his brain two stray thoughts connect with a spark: laughing and touching counts as flirting. The French teacher flirting with Arthur. The French teacher marrying Arthur, which would seriously impede Alfred’s plans to marry Arthur. The French teacher must die.

Well, okay, no, he doesn’t have to die die. But Alfred has to kill his chances. He mumbles something to Elizaveta and Kiku that might be an explanation or might just be drunken gibberish and he marches off in Arthur’s direction. The middle school principal is gone, off talking to a guy Alfred thinks might be the middle school Italian teacher. He wants to put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder like the French teacher did, but he doesn’t trust his buzzy fingers. His hands end up in his pockets instead. “Hey there, Mr. Kirkland. Fancy meeting you here,”

Arthur turns. So does the French teacher, but Alfred notices that peripherally. Maybe Arthur’s scowl softens a little to see him. Maybe that’s just Alfred’s drunk brain talking.

“Francis,” Arthur says to the French teacher, “Isn’t your presence required elsewhere?”

“And where would that be, mon cher?” says Francis, with a leer in Alfred’s direction. Arthur grits his teeth.

“Literally anywhere else.”

“Ah, yes, of course. An appointment I cannot miss. Joyeux Noël, my friends!” He flounces toward the refreshment table, and gives Alfred a wink on the way. It might be flirty, or it might be… a good luck wink? Is that a thing? He doesn’t really know, and he really doesn’t care. Arthur returns his attention to Alfred with a raised brow.

“Mr. Jones. Glad to see you’ve decided a conversation with me is preferable to staring.”

Ouch. Not so stealthy. “Ha, yeah. Didn’t want to interrupt earlier. So, are you and Mr. Frenchy an item, or?”

Okay, wow, not what he meant to say. Bad eggnog, no more eggnog. Luckily Arthur seems too appalled by the suggestion itself to be creeped out by Alfred suggesting it. “Good lord, no. Francis and I? The mere thought is repulsive. I may gag.”

“Oof, wouldn’t want that. Glad to hear it, though. I was worried.”

Arthur’s eyes snap up. Too strong? Maybe.

“Were you?” he says, and whoa, not too strong, apparently. Not too strong at all.

Alfred, smooth and confident in the way of the inebriated, says, “Wanna go to IHOP?”

....

The truth is it’s only half Kiku’s fault. The library incident wasn’t the first time Alfred met Arthur. For the past two years Peter Kirkland has been in Alfred’s rotating fourth and fifth grade math classes—a good kid, high energy and real bright—which meant parent teacher conferences with his brother and guardian. It’s… safe to say they didn’t get off on the right foot. Alfred has handled rude parents before. Whatever! Usually his incredible charm and wit were enough to makeup for it. But no, not with Mr. Kirkland. Mr. Kirkland was tenured, he had years of experience on naive little green-gilled elementary teacher Alfred, and in his professional opinion problem children like Peter needed to be disciplined rather than coddled, and quite frankly he did not think much of Alfred’s nonsensical, feel-good, soft-bellied teaching methods.

In response Alfred had maybe called him a crabby old geezer, and maybe mentioned something about teaching an old dog new tricks, and maybe that was all the PG version. Arthur Kirkland was nothing more to Alfred than a grumpy asshole. Albeit a grump with great bone structure and a sexy accent.

And then Arthur subbed in for Kiku, and everything was different.

“Here we are!”

Alfred sweeps into a bow and scoots Arthur’s chair out for him because he’s a gentleman. (At this time of night the IHOP is a seat yourself kind of establishment.) There’s cheery Christmas music playing over the speakers. Alfred wanted the corner booth—much more romantic—but some gooey-eyed teens are hogging it. Stupid gooey-eyed teens.

“Here we are indeed,” says Arthur. He’s eyeing the vinyl cushion like it carries a venereal disease. “Honestly, half the reason I agreed to come was because I wanted to see if you were taking the piss. But lo and behold: The International House of Pancakes.” He takes a seat. Gingerly. “That name always struck me as overly dignified for this establishment.”

“Hey, don’t hate. I eat breakfast here once a week.” The elementary school is across town, but it’s worth the drive. Thank god the high school is within walking distance. He adds, “So, that was only half the reason, huh? What was the other half?”

Arthur taps the side of his nose. “I’m very certain I’m not drunk enough to tell you.”

Alfred remembers, suddenly, what drink Arthur had been nursing at the Christmas party. He grins a slow grin. “You were spiking your tea, Artie?”

Arthur flushes, maybe because he’s a little drunker than Alfred thought, but probably because Alfred just called him Artie. Good idea, drunk Alfred.

“Only because conversation with Francis was otherwise intolerable. I much prefer talking to you.” He gets a look on his face like he just heard what he said, and he flushes even prettier. “Don’t get the wrong idea. A Christmas ham would be a better conversation partner than that frog.”

Any further research into how pink Alfred can make Arthur blush is interrupted by the arrival of their waitress. She’s new, a friendly girl named Michelle who smiles a lot and takes quick notes. By the time she’s got their order—a tea for Arthur, a little of everything for Alfred—Alfred has learned that she’s studying speech pathology, she’s home for holiday break, and that she got her sister a dinosaur building kit for Christmas.

“Oh sweet, what kind of dinosaur?” says Alfred.

“A ceratosaurus,” says Michelle.

“Ooh, deep cut! Nice!”

They high five. Alfred asks, “You don’t have any eggnog, do you?”

“I’m afraid not. We have eggnog pancakes, though, how does that sound?”

Arthur gags quietly. Alfred ignores this. “Sounds awesome! I’ll have an order of those too.”

After she walks away Alfred addresses the look on Arthur’s face. “Yes, professor?”

“You want to drink more of that swill?” he says, all dubious like.

“Dude! Eggnog is the drink of the season.”

“There are many drinks of the season. Sherry. Scotch. Brandy. Tea.”

“By that logic you’ll spend the whole holiday break completely sloshed.”

Arthur chuckles. “The holidays are hardly a time for sobriety.”

Alfred can’t really argue with that. “I’m pretty sure you drink tea all the time.”

“Because tea is a drink for every season.”

This is the moment that Michelle returns with the tea, because apparently she has a great sense of dramatic timing. Arthur prepares the cup and smirks at Alfred over the rim, as though that proves his point at all, and all Alfred can think about is how tea is a much more charming drink in Arthur’s hand than it is in Kiku’s. Alfred wants to know more about the kind of tea he drinks. He wants to learn how to make the perfect cup, so he can make it for Arthur every day. He wants to know Arthur’s opinion on coffee. What his favorite food is. If he likes cats or dogs. He looks like a cat person. What was his home life like? Where in Britain did he grow up? Did he always want to be a teacher? Alfred wants to know… everything. He never wants to stop learning about him.

He says, “Tell me more about yourself.”

Arthur goes very still. “Why?”

“Because this is a date.” Sober Alfred is pretty direct. Drunk Alfred isn’t much different.

Now Arthur goes very red. “I’m afraid there’s not much to tell.”

“That can’t be true. Why’d you come to America? Got tired of jolly old England?”

“My goodness, no. My heart will always belong to my dearest Albion.” Alfred suspects that’s an old nerdy name for England, but he can’t be sure. He’s a math whiz, not a history buff. “No, it was just typical family drama. Peter and I hopped across the pond to escape it. All very British, very boring.”

Maybe Arthur is a little more guarded as he says that. And wistful. The peppy Jingle Bell Rock has transitioned to the crooning I’ll Be Home For Christmas and suddenly Alfred is very sad. He wants to say so. He wants to say that Arthur’s family doesn’t deserve him or Peter, and that he can tell Alfred anything, everything, because he’ll never hurt him the way they did. But even smashed he can tell that Arthur doesn’t want to talk about it, so instead he says, “How is Peter?”

Arthur’s face softens. “A wee little shite, as per usual. He’s at a sleepover right now. But he’s doing better in maths, at least.”

He raises his cup in a small, half-ironic toast to Alfred’s awesome teaching skills. Alfred tries not to preen and isn’t so sure he succeeds.  “Yeah, well, he’s a good kid. They all are. They make my job easy.”

“I doubt that,” Arthur snorts. “But you are Peter’s favorite teacher, which is saying something. He absolutely hated maths before you came along.” His tone turns thoughtful. He rests his chin in his palm. “You’re good with him. Good with all of them, I see it when I drop off Peter’s lunch. Though I maintain that you could stand to be a little more disciplinary.”

“You’re good with them too,” Alfred says, high on a cloud of Arthur’s regard. “You subbed in for Kiku once. I saw you. It was really sweet, and I realized…”

This is what Alfred realized after he saw Arthur in the library: Mr. Tenured Teacher, Sir High and Mighty, Cynicism and Discipline Incarnate, is a huge fucking softie. He quilts, crochets, and embroiders. (Thank you Kiku, mutual friend with all the secrets.) He’s hard on his students but he refuses to let any of them fail. (Also Kiku.) He criticizes Peter and the quality of his education because he cares—like, really really cares. Alfred picked up on that himself. He brings the kid homemade lunch every day. He leaves him notes in his lunchbox. Alfred’s not proud to admit it but he peeked over Peter’s shoulder the one time he pulled one out in math. It read: Always cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough. I love you. Alfred is willing to bet every note has some banal tidbit of advice and closes out the same way. If he and Arthur got together, would Arthur slip him notes, too? I love you.

“You realized?”

Arthur is watching him, has been watching him, and his eyes are super green, all bright and Christmassy under the IHOP fluorescents. Alfred is pretty sure the teens in the corner booth are watching them now but he’s also pretty sure he doesn’t care. There are so many things he could say and they all crowd together in his throat, vying for favor. In the time it takes for him to pick the perfect one Michelle arrives with the food, and the moment passes.

A veritable feast of greasy breakfast foods lands on the table: pancakes, waffles, eggs. Bacon and sausage. Various assortments of fruit and butter and jam. Alfred nudges forward his eggnog pancakes. “Want a bite?”

Arthur grimaces. “Absolutely not. That looks utterly unappetizing.”

Alfred will not deny this. Most of the food is green for some Grinch promotional thing IHOP is doing, but hey, at least it’s festive. And delicious. Alfred says so.

“No thank you.” Arthur’s stomach says otherwise. “Well. Those eggs look edible, I suppose.”

They eat (Alfred eats, Arthur pecks) and they chat, and it’s magical. Arthur tells funny stories about Peter’s terrible twos, grudgingly and then not so grudgingly, and Alfred talks about his brother and his totally-not-pot farm in Canada.

He’s finally sobering up—all the greasy food helps—and the night never gets any less magical. It feels more magical somehow.

He says, “So, have I made you an IHOP convert?”

Arthur sighs, theatrically put upon. “I suppose it’s charming, in a slovenly way. Something like you.”

Alfred rolls his eyes. “Ooh, you’re making me blush. Tell me more.”

But Arthur doesn’t tell him more because he’s too busy giving the stink eye to something over Alfred’s shoulder. Ah. The booth teens. Alfred gives a very extremely subtle glance back… yeah, wow, they are going at it. Teenage hormones are no joke.

“Kids these days, honestly. They should be studying,” Arthur seethes.

“For what? It’s Friday and classes are over next week,” says Alfred, but before he can finish his sentence Arthur has struck like a god damn cobra and stolen a bit of hashbrown and chucked it at the booth. It occurs to Alfred that Arthur might still be pretty hammered. How much rum did he put in his tea, for real?

It plops square in a mug of hot chocolate. At a loss for what else to do, Alfred kind of shriek laughs. “Oh my god, are you twelve?”

He dares a peek back at the spluttering teenagers and then back to Arthur and--Arthur is shrugging at the teens and pointing at Alfred. “You are twelve! Traitor!”

He spoons whipped cream off the top of his hot chocolate and daubs Arthur’s nose with it. For a second Arthur looks fit to bust, and sure a drunken temper tantrum sounds cute but it might lose Alfred a chance at a second date. Then Arthur reaches over the table, scoops the whole pile of whipped cream from the plate of pancakes with his bare hand, and smears it all over Alfred’s face.

While Arthur is cackling, Alfred says, “Marry me.”

Arthur stops cackling. He stares, and under the weight of it Alfred sobers up the rest of the way all at once. Did he just ruin everything? Of course he did. Drunk Alfred, that dumbass, always ruins everything and now he’s going to die old and alone, dreaming about what could have been if only he hadn’t asked Arthur Kirkland to marry him in an IHOP.

“Snrk,” says Arthur.

That’s the sound he makes—snrk. Then he’s snorting, then he’s laughing, and it’s inelegant and undignified and Alfred is in love.

“So is that a yes?” he says, and Arthur gives him a narrow look. He wipes his face with a napkin—Alfred belatedly follows suit—and flags Michelle down for the check.

Arthur scoffs, “You think I’d say yes to a proposal on a first date? In the International House of Pancakes?”

He’s not mad. Alfred can hardly believe it. He still has a chance. “Hey, depends on the date.”

They split the bill. Arthur is the faster tipper so in return Alfred pays for the Uber. The teens are gone from the booth, though Alfred didn’t see them leave. They’re not in the parking lot either, which is good, because it would be super awkward to have to wait for the Uber with them.

The air is cold. They’re standing very near. The sky is heavy and close with clouds, but Arthur is watching it like he might see the stars beyond. After a second, Alfred does too.

He says to the sky, “Wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no, either.”

And Arthur says to the sky, “Don’t push your luck, Mr. Jones. We hardly know each other. Even you can’t be that idealistic.”

There’s not enough liquid bravery left in Alfred’s veins to tell Arthur that he is.

The Uber arrives. Arthur offers to share, but Alfred lives too far from the high school to leave his car there. He opens the door for Arthur. He closes the door for Arthur. It’s stupid but the thought of saying goodbye to him right now—not forever, not even for a whole weekend—is breaking his heart. He doesn’t know how to end tonight. Doesn’t know if they’re leaving on a good note or a bad one.

“Ask me again.”

The window is rolled down. Arthur is watching him. His eyes are glowing and his cheeks are pink and his breath is misting in the air, so Alfred can see the exact shape of his words when he says, “Later. Much, much later. Many dates from now. In a restaurant that lives up to its name, and preferably when we’re not both completely crocked. Ask me again. Maybe then I’ll be as idealistic as you.”

Alfred can’t think of a single thing to say and so he doesn’t. He leans down and Arthur leans up and the angle is awkward because Arthur is dangling half out a window but Alfred is certain he’s never had a more perfect kiss in all his life.

Joy is light, effervescent. It fizzes and bubbles and buoys Alfred and he wonders if there was alcohol in those eggnog pancakes after all. He watches the tail lights twinkle off into the night, and then he turns to start the trek back to the high school. He’s going to have to wait out the last of the buzz in his car, but he can’t bring himself to feel too bothered. It’s the holidays, after all. Hardly a time for sobriety. Overhead, it begins to snow.

[dean-bluesteel-winchester-spnfam]

Shareable questions. All of them.

👽   Do you believe in aliens?Not in the aliens everybody else seems to believe in with UFO’s and all that crap.

👽👽   If so, what do you think they look like?They look like normal people, because... you know what. Ask Cas. He is practically an alien.

🤡   Do you have any phobias?Yeah. Snakes? Ugh. Spiders? Ugh!! Planes? UGH. (But it’s so funny the emoji for this one is clown. Perfect for Sammy.)

💀   What is your favourite thing to do?I... I have no idea. Maybe watching western movies with Cas? I never thought about this before, because normally there is just stuff that I have to do. Kissing Cas is for sure in my top 3 as well.

☕   Name the tastiest hot beverage.Ugh, you can’t tell anyone but I enjoy hot vanilla milk. I mean coffee. It’s totally just plain coffee.

🥛   Name the tastiest cold beverage.Beer.

😇   What do you believe is your most angelic quality?ANGELIC QUALITY. I don’t have one. Seriously, I don’t think I can ever be somthing as angelic.

👹   What do you believe is your most devilish quality?That I don’t wait to pull my trigger. I killed people before. Hell, I torture monsters all the time. I’m not any better than them.

🧜‍♀️   If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be and why?Mythical, well most of them are actually real, but whatever. ( Normally I’d say angel? But you know, not really worthy - so lets go with a monster.)I think being a mermaid would be cool? All day in the water, the other hot merpeople. Yeah I think that would be nice.

😻   Describe the sweetest moment you have had with a pet.The sweetest. When I was like 16 we stopped in a small town for a hunt. It took Dad almost 6 weeks to find the vampire, so Sammy and I had to go to school there. It was horrible. While Sammy of course had lots of friends, I didn’t. I skipped a lot of classes and waited outside for Sammy and there was the cute little dog living with an old man right next to the school. I petted him every time I waited and he ... was so happy to see me everyday.Sometimes I would even share my breakfast with him or walk with him, when his owner was too tired. God this was ages ago, but I was heartbroken, when we left that town.So never getting a pet again. Hurts just like hell, when they leave.

🌎   What is your most far-fetched ‘bucket list’ item?I don’t think there is one? Nothing is really far-fetched in my life. But I’d like to have a swimming pool.

🤔   Describe the most influential person in your life.Well he is not really from this world, but he always fights for the things he loved. He was born as a solider, but learned what it means to have a free will and there is no one else, who loves this unconditional.

🤯   Do you have a mental illness?Pretty sure, yeah. PTSD definitely. Maybe depression, too. I have panic attacks at night (when nobody sees them). Anxiety and stuff. I got it all.

🦄   If you could shape-shift into an animal at any time, what would it be and why?Huh, great question. Maybe a dog, I kinda was one before and it was kinda fun you know. Have an owner and all, must be nice.

🍣   Are you a sushi connoisseur?No ew. Why would I eat sushi when I can have burgers?

🤓   Do you consider yourself a nerd?Mhh. While I do call Sam and Cas a nerd all the time, I can admit that MAYBE I’m one too. Probably more of geek, but whatever. Maybe it already makes me a nerd saying that.

📆   Have you set goals for your life? Or are you just living life in the moment?I do have set goals, but I feel like I have to just live my life, since I could easily die any day. So maybe that are just wishes and not really goals. I take the days as it comes.

📆📆   If you have made goals, name a few.Wishes. They are wishes. I would love to be married (so close!!) and would like to have a big family one day. Get some kids, get some nieces and nephews. Maybe get all my friends back. Imagine Bobby babysitting my kids or Charlie teaching them how to cheat in games.

📆📆📆   If you’re living life in the moment, explain away.Ugh I explained it above. Hunter = big chance of dying. Again.

🤩   Name a famous celebrity you dream of meeting.I wish I could meet Led Zeppelin.

🌙   Are you a moon or sun person?Sun probably, but I do love them moon as well.

🚀   If you could travel back in time to any era, where would it be?I wish I would’ve gotten this question years back, because then I would’ve said, when the Cowboys were still a big thing. But honestly? That was just a big disappointment. I didn’t like the whiskey, I looked stupid and people hated me there. So no traveling back, thank you.

🚀🚀   What kind of life would you want in this era?Well I just wished it would’ve been as awesome as I always thought. Me being the cool sherriff and getting hot chicks. (Or Cas, but lets be honest. They’d kill us)

🦕   Do you wish dinosaurs existed in our modern world?Holy shit YES.

🦕🦕   If so, would you want a dino pet?  Name the kind.I would love a dino pet!! Uhm... give me a triceratops.

🎃   Name your favourite holiday.I hate them all, but christmas was nice, when Mom was still alive.

😊   What do you believe is your most redeeming quality?That I never give up?

😴   Do you get enough sleep?No. Normally I get my four - five hours and I always say that’s fine, but it’s not. Seriously I wish I could sleep more. But you know, nightmares, hunting and all that crap. Maybe I should start with naps again.

🏈   Are you a sport enthusiast?Yes! While I hate to move my own ass, I love sports. Wrestling is amazing. (and yes that counts).

🦂   Describe your best friend.Oh easy. Big blue eyes, dark wild hair. Tilts his head way too often and can’t wink properly. Smiles so rare but so beautiful. Wants to help everyone and loves the nature. Has the biggest heart and gets hurt too often.

🥑   Fruits or veggies?Fruits.

🤞   If you could snap your fingers like Thanos from The Avengers, what would you make happen?Tha. Bring Iron Man back? No uhm, I’d kill every monster on earth. Make it peaceful.

😎   Do you consider yourself a cool kid or a total square?I wish I was a cool kid.

🍭   Do you have a sweet tooth?Yeah! Nothing better than some chocolate or pie, but it’s not as bad as Gabriel’s.

🏥   Do hospitals freak you out?Not really. I mean I don’t like them, but I’m so often in one, it kinda gets boring.

🍕   What’s the best pizza topping?Meatlover.

🧘‍♀️   When was the last time you did something just for you?Can’t remember.

🎣   Have you ever been fishing?Yeah a lot. Dad took me already when I was a kid.

👶   Do you want to have children someday?Yes. As soon as we are ready.

🥔   Name your favourite form of the potato.There is no favorite. I love them all.

🌵   Do you have a green thumb?Not at all. Glad Cas has.

🐩   If you have one, name your dream dog(s).Small ones... that don’t remember me of hellhounds?

🍂   Winter, spring, summer or fall?Summer and spring. I hate hunting in the winter or fall, but then again it gives me an excuse to hide into even more flannels.

🐳   Does the ocean freak you out or entice you?Entice me.

🐚   Ever been scuba-diving or deep-sea fishing?Nope! but Scuba-diving sounds amazing.

📸   Do you take a lot of photos?Ehhh I never really did, because why would I? Now I take pictures of Cas or Sam all the time. They hate it.

🎵   Name your three favourite artists/bands.Led Zeppelin, Motorhead, Metallica.

🎵🎵   What about your three favourite genres?Rock, Rock and Rock.

🎸   Can you play an instrument(s)?Never had the time, but I would love to play the guitar.

🔬   What was the best class in high school?P.E. I wanted to be a cheerleader, but couldn’t for obvious reasons.

🔬🔬   What about the worst class?Every other class. I was bad at everything.

🕹   Name the video game you have wasted the most time playing.Never played one.

🕹🕹   Name your favourite video game.I don’t think I even know one.

🔪   Do you have an interest in serial killers or do they just freak you out?Ohh Sammy boy has some real interest about serial killers! Holy shit. I don’t care mostly.

🦗   Do bugs give you the heebie-jeebies?Yes. God there was one time Sammy and I were caged in with a milliion of bugs and NOPE. Never again.

🎱   Confess the last wish you made on a magic 8 ball.Please let Cas love me back.

😑   Describe the most annoying thing ever.I’m so easily annoyed. You ever hunted some asshole ghost completely wet because he threw you into a pool? Fucking annoying to walk back to Baby for three miles in wet clothes. But also small things, when nobody listens to you. When there is a mess in my kitchen. When people assume stuff without knowing me.

☺   Describe the greatest thing ever.Waking up late and cuddling more into the warm sheets, while Cas tightens his arms around me. I love to pretend to be still asleep, just to see what he does.

🏠   Growing up, how was your home life?It was hell. I was practically an adult at the age of six. I mean I love Sammy more than myself (which is not hard btw) and I would take care of him anytime, but I never had... friends or fun and all that jazz.

😜   Are you silly or serious?Silly. But I can be serious if needed.

🥩   Steaks: Well-done, medium-rare, or still mooing?Medium-rare. But lets be honest, I eat every kind.

🍄   In your opinion, are mushrooms tasty little morsels or just a dirty fungus?Ew. I wouldn’t know, I don’t eat that stuff.

🥑   Best way to eat an avocado?To not eat it. :)

⛪   Are you spiritual?Haha, I have no idea how to answer that one.

⛪🕌   If so, describe your beliefs.Well?!?! I obviously believe in everything.

🍔   Burgers or dogs?Does that question imply, people eating dogs is a normal thing? Burgers.

😤   Describe something that gets under your skin.Unfairness.

🧟‍♀️   Do you think the world will end in zombies?Apparently it does, because that is just what happened.

🐉   Is there a dragon you chase?Yes.

🥞   In your personal opinion, should food be free to everyone?YES. Seriously.

🐍   What animal are you scared of, if any?Spiders and snakes. @anangelamuse-castiel-spnfam

[feelingfredly]

A Fork in the Road

My crashing the 007 Fest party! :) First 007 fandom post--hopefully not my last.

Headcanon: Q hates plastic cutlery.

“Knock, knock, Quartermaster!” Eve said, rapping a knuckle on the partially open door. “I bring you glad tidings of great joy.” She waved a sack that smelled divine into the small opening.  “And although it isn’t exactly Christmas, I do have Massaman curry from that place you like so much over in Pimlico.”

Q pushed his chair back with an embarrassed groan and ran a tired hand through his hair.  “Oh, I am a right arse. How late am I?” He glanced at his phone and sighed.  He’d meant to just tie up his loose ends and meet Moneypenny to go for fish and chips at the Red Lion… two hours ago.

Q looked at the stack of paperwork occupying the only other chair in his office and grimaced. Having one chair typically ensured only one idiot bothered him at a time.  If he happened to pile things on it regularly, it wasn’t an intentional effort to reduce that number, but it happened to work that way, and who was he to complain?

“Just shove the dinosaur fodder out of the way.  I am so sorry. I meant call you. I was running a little late already, and then 009 did what 009 does and I ended up having to erase half an hour of him rampaging through the streets of Vienna on a stolen motorbike.  Luckily, they haven’t changed their CCTV security codes since the last time I had to scrub them, but by the time I’d finished that R had found a problem with one of the programs we’re supposed to be sending 002 out with Friday, and, as you can see,” he waved an apologetic hand at his computer screen, “down the rabbit-hole I went.”

Eve dropped the bag in front of him before picking up the stack of offending papers and setting them on another pile threatening to topple over on his second desk.

“Don’t let Marianne hear you call these dinosaur fodder,” Moneypenny said, settling into the plastic monstrosity of a chair more gracefully than should have been possible. “Those hard-copies are the only record Accounting has for some of those expenses.  Double-Ohs aren’t exactly on-the-record all the time, you know.”

Q’s stomach rumbled and suddenly he realized he was starving. He pulled the still hot tray out of the bag and took a deep breath.  Heavenly.

“Well, Marianne should join me in my perennial request to the powers-that-be to update the system so that important things like that aren’t single-point-of-failure items anymore.” He started patting his pockets, and when he didn’t find what he was looking for, started searching his desk.  Damn it.  Where did it go?

“I know, I know,” Moneypenny nodded, having heard the argument at least a dozen times before, “but for now, you should smile and nod and let her think her forms in triplicate are as fascinating as her grandchildren.  You’ll get your budgets approved faster.”

Q shifted his second tablet to the side, and then lifted his laptop to peer under it.  Still nothing.

“What are you looking for?” Eve asked, watching him excavate his desk with more energy than she usually saw from him unless a deadline was looming or someone was getting shot at.

Q stopped his search momentarily and looked up a little awkwardly. “Ah, I was looking for my…” There! He saw it, the end of a pen peeking out from behind a tin of tea. “This!  Just this.”

He held up the pen and Moneypenny shook her head and laughed.  “You don’t have to sign for your dinner, darling.  I’m not that fashed that you skipped out on the pub.”

Q held the pen still for a moment and then pulled the cap off.  “It isn’t actually a pen.” He held it up with a flourish and Eve raised an eyebrow in polite enquiry. “It’s actually something I came up with a while ago.  I found it useful to have when I would get stuck here over mealtimes.” Q activated the hidden mechanism and the handle split open to reveal a slim fork, tines expanding to full-size as they cleared the casing.

“A fork?” Moneypenny was laughing again, but Q just nodded.

“Yes.  The tines are made of titanium, see?  It’s lightweight.  Strong.  I thought about making more for the agents, but somehow the thought that one of them would end up stabbing someone in the eye with it kind of ruined the whole thing for me, so I stopped after this one.”

“Q. Darling,” her eyebrow was still cocked, “there’s at least half a dozen plastic forks in that bag.  You didn’t need to go all Doctor Livingstone just to eat your supper.”

Q shifted uneasily in his seat as he pried the lid from the takeaway container.  “I know.  I simply prefer to use something a little more substantial, I suppose.”

He felt the weight of her eyes resting on him and knew she could tell there was something more going on than a disdain for plastic sporks, but she was too polite to ask. Sometimes he hated having a trained observer of human nature as his best friend.  It kept things interesting, but it made personal space difficult to maintain.

To be fair, she’d never used her inside insights against him.  Even his drunken confession of an unrequited something after Bond ran away with Dr. Swann had gone no farther than the floor of his loo where she held his glasses whilst he reacquainted himself with the intricacies of modern plumbing.

“You do love your toys.”

It was true, as far as it went, and he could leave it there.  But maybe letting her know a little of the rest wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe. Oh, well... hell.

“My file doesn’t say much about the time before M, my M, found me. Mostly because there wasn't much before that.”  He focused on the curry in front of him, letting the words fill the space between them. “I guess I was sixteen?  My parents were…  well, let’s just say there’s a reason I don’t like to fly, and I’d been on my own by that time for about a year.  School was boring, and I was grieving and angry, but one does what one must, right?”

He’d heard the rumors—he’d hacked MI5.  He’d been an international criminal.  He’d set his resume as the wallpaper on M’s personal computer.  The truth, though, was much less exciting.  “Life insurance and a healthy estate made things much easier than they could have been, but having no one but a state-appointed guardian leaves a lot to be desired as far as care and keeping goes.” He sighed at looked across the office.  There was no pity on Eve’s face, but her lips might have been a little tighter than usual. “I pushed through my A-levels at fifteen.  Entered Uni at sixteen. That was when someone referred my file to MI6, and they started watching me. Then, two degrees by twenty, and an offer from MI6 by the time I’d gotten halfway through my third. On paper, it was a very successful time.”

He looked up and braced himself f the rest. “But, at the end of every day I was alone in an empty house. Every meal was takeaway. Plastic cutlery and paper plates. Years of it.” He shrugged as if it didn't matter. “If I never use another plastic fork it will be too soon.”

Q held up the pen-fork. “M knew I needed something else or I’d burn out completely.  Either that or turn into a world class villain, but I don’t think she thought I had that much imagination honestly.”  He didn’t say that she changed her mind later, but it was one of his favorite memories.

“So, she offered me a position and I came to Q Branch. Most everyone was older than I was, and there was more than a little suspicion about my qualifications—you know how it is to be the youngest in the room—but I understood them. I spent a lot of time in the labs hanging out with the other rats working on pet projects. Most of them were weapons, but I loved working on the subtle bits.  The cuff links that were Geiger counters.  The miniature cameras. The fork idea impressed Q.” He laughed softly. “The man had a huge soft spot for things that looked like other things, but they had to work. He told me that seeing the effort I put into this—the miniaturization, the durability, the attention to details—was what convinced him I was in the right place, and after that he made sure that I knew it, that I had a place.”

“For the first time I didn’t end my days alone.”  Q looked pointedly at the tin foil tray of curry on his desk but there was no dissatisfaction in it. “The meals may still be takeaway, but the rest…” he looked at Eve and though he flushed at the soft look around her eyes, it made telling her worth it. She understood. He handed her a cup of sweet mango rice and one of the loathsome plastic spoons with a half-smile. “There’s nothing disposable about the rest.”

[sweetprettygeek]

Someone’s Waiting For You

Kyoya Ootori had always felt different.

Sort of…displaced from the rest of his family.

How petty. He shouldn’t waste so much time to fretting over what must be a common fixture of adolescence. But in quiet moments, when his mind was unoccupied, he could think of little else.

His family was by means homogenous, in either looks or personality. His parents and three older siblings were as different from each other as they were from him. To any outsider, Kyoya wouldn’t seem particularly out-of-place. Even he couldn’t put into words what set him apart from the others. It was an invisible, unspoken rift, and one that had no discernable cause.

Maybe it was the age difference. His eldest brother was almost twenty years Kyoya’s senior; his sister—closest to him in age—was nine years older, and his other brother Akito was in between them. He was the baby of the family, by a wide margin, which might account for some of the gap. His big brothers and sister had shared many experiences that he had no knowledge of. By the time his long-term memory was fully developed, Kyoya’s siblings had moved out and begun lives of their own. His brothers were in training to take over a multi-million company from their father and Fuyumi was happily married with two children.

Even though his siblings involved themselves in his life, the Ootori family was rarely all together. It was simply impractical for them to all gather in one place, at one time. But Kyoya had spent one-on-one time with his siblings and parents over the years—trips to the main hospital where his father worked, outings to the park or the ice cream parlor, day excursions to the sea or the mountains. Each moment carried unique flavor, connected to the person he’d shared it with. But there was one memory—one he’d dreamed of since childhood—that was different than all the others.

He was on a train. It smelt of old newspapers and vaguely of peppermint. The car was rocked back and forth by a whistling wind outside, and large flurries of snow whipped by the speeding windows. The memory was faded and blurred like an old photo, but those few details stayed fixed. And what Kyoya remembered most—the reason he’d clung to this fragment for so long—was the pair of strong, warm arms holding him close. The owner of the arms remained a mystery. Any facial features had been long lost from the recollection. The person was too affectionate to be Father; too short to Mother. They didn’t have his eldest brother’s scent, weren’t wearing one of Akito’s scratchy winter sweaters, and lacked Fuyumi’s lilting laugh.

No one Kyoya mentioned this train ride to had any idea what he was talking about. Multiple times he’d been told it must be a dream, and he might have believed that. The details of the train and the weather—he could have fabricated those. What he couldn’t have dreamed up was the stranger. The person whose face he couldn’t remember had held him so tightly, so protectively. For a moment, it had just been them two alone in the world. It was a fierceness of love and devotion that Kyoya had never experienced again.

Not that his family didn’t care about him. He knew they did, in their way. But none of them had the time to channel their full attention into any one thing. He didn’t blame them. They all had a dynasty to uphold. His elder siblings had each found their place in the Ootori empire, while Kyoya was struggling to find his. Being a late bloomer was frustrating—it made Kyoya feel even more like he didn’t belong.

“What do you mean you don’t know where it is?”

“Exactly that, obviously.”

“Can’t you ask your parents?”

“Father would have my head if I disturbed him at work, and Mother is at a charity auction; her cell phone won’t be turned on.”

Tamaki shuffled around in the dark, stumbling over another pile of clutter. “I can’t believe you waited until the last moment to renew your passport, Kyoya! This is our class trip! It’s a huge deal!”

“If you say so,” Kyoya mumbled, pulling open a large carboard box. The class trip for Ouran Academy’s first-year high school students was fast approaching, and Kyoya had just realized that his passport was expired. If he didn’t get his application in the mail today, there would be problems. Unfortunately, his parents, who had always renewed his papers before, weren’t around to help him find the needed documents. After a significant amount of digging and rummaging around in his parents’ studies, the two boys had found everything except Kyoya’s birth certificate. The attic was the last place they could think to look.

“Bah!” Tamaki exclaimed loudly. “Nothing but moldy old business papers in this one too!” He tossed the disappointing contents up in the air. Most of them fluttered back down into the box, but a few drifted off-course and were lost in the dark attic corners.

“Please pick those up,” Kyoya sighed. “Must you always make such a mess?”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” his best friend pouted. “It looks like no one’s touched this stuff since dinosaurs roamed the earth.”

Kyoya rolled his eyes, but Tamaki had a point. The deeper they delved into the mountains of boxes, the thicker the cobwebs became. The container he’d just torn into was filled of contracts and bank statements that were older than half his family. “Ten more minutes, then I’m admitting defeat.”

“Kyoya! You can’t just not go on our class trip!”

“Well I could.” The next box was badly weathered, and a mushroom cloud of dust shot out when he opened it, tickling his nose. “But if it means so much to you, then I’ll have my brother call the Bureau of Citizens and Cultural Affairs and pull some strings.” The Ootori’s first son, with his charming, dimpled smile, could sweet-talk anybody.

“I guess…but isn’t Hiro-san in São Paulo right now? Will you get a hold of him in time?

…Kyoya?”

Trembling hands fumbled with yellowing and faded documents, and Kyoya’s mouth opened and closed noiselessly. He couldn’t focus on anything but the papers in his hand, couldn’t form a coherent thought beyond repeating the words written there in his mind over and over and over and over and over…

“Kyoya, what’s wrong?” he barely heard his friend ask. His ears were buzzing, and his sight was vacillating between clear and blurred. In focus…then out of focus again.

“I…I…Tamaki, I need you to leave.”

“What? Kyoya—”

              “Please,” Kyoya croaked. His head bowed, a fringe of black hair hiding his spectacled eyes. “I really…I really need to be alone right now…”

              Yuka was exhausted when she arrived home early that evening. But it was the good kind of fatigue—the kind that came with a job well-done. Today’s auction had raised a lot of money for local women’s shelters. The long hours spent planning and organizing were all worth it, to know she’d done something to improve the world. Yuka had so much in the way of material things; giving back was what really fulfilled her.

              The house was quiet, which she’d sadly gotten used to. Three of her dear children were gone from the family home now. Despite her best efforts, one day she and Yoshio would be alone in that large house. But she’d hold onto her youngest a little longer. And perhaps someday soon, her husband would hand the Ootori Group over to their children and come away on a vacation with her. They deserved a vacation together.

              Yuka took off her earrings as she walked upstairs to her bedroom. She rubbed her tired earlobes, and then her neck. A hot bath was in order, then a good night’s sleep. She opened the bedroom door and flicked on the light.

              She almost jumped out of her skin, startled to see a figure that had been sitting in the darkness. Just in time she recognized the form and was able to stifle a shriek with her hand. Yuka closed her eyes, composing herself and taking deep breaths as her elevated heart rate returned to normal. “You gave me such a fright, Kyoya…”

              “When were you planning on telling me?”

              Yuka’s dark eyes opened again. Her youngest child was sitting on the floor, back towards her. His voice trembled with an emotion she couldn’t place. “Pardon?”

              “When. Were you planning on telling me the truth? Or was I meant to go through the rest of my life without knowing?”

              “Kyoya—” Yuka took a few steps forward, then stopped, jarred by the sound of crunching beneath her feet. She bent down to pick up the items she’d trampled on, and when she realized what she was holding, her face grew pale and her pulse began to race again. “Sweetheart…” It was difficult to speak; her mouth felt full of cotton.

              “Everybody knew. They must have. You lied to me, all of you.”

              Her stomach turned, guilt welling up at her son’s accusation. “We were thinking of you.”

              “Were you really, Mother?” his back remained turned, but the biting anger was unmistakable in Kyoya’s words now. “Or did you not want to admit that I was one of your charity cases? That Father never accepted me as his?”

              “Kyoya! You know that isn’t true!”

              “But I don’t!” The sixteen-year-old jumped to his feet, whirling around to face her. Past the glare of light against his glasses, Kyoya’s gray eyes were brimming with tears. “My whole life I’ve felt like I didn’t belong, and now I know why! I don’t know if it was something you all did, or just a part of me that always knew…knew that I wasn’t part of—”

              Yuka cut off the words she’d never wanted to hear by pulling Kyoya into a crushing embrace. The damning documents fell out of her hands as she held her son close, trying to convey the depths of her feelings. “You are our son. And we love you.”

She’d loved him since the first day—thirteen years ago when she’d gone to the orphanage to deliver items from the Christmas donation drive she’d put together. She still remembered a chubby-cheeked, crying toddler sitting in the corner, and how his eyes had lit up when she’d handed him a stuffed dog. He’d given her a small, sweet smile that had melted her heart. Fuyumi, her young daughter, was twelve at the time. Both her sons had graduated high school and moved out of the house, and Yuka anxiously dreaded the day when she became an “empty nester”. She had given up her hopes for another child, but this little boy seemed the answer to her prayers. The idea of letting him spend Christmas in the shabby orphanage was unbearable.

It was the first and last family decision she ever made without consulting Yoshio.

He’d been cold and standoffish to the boy at first. Yuka had feared, as Kyoya, that her husband was rejecting the boy because he hadn’t been born to them. Only after a year of tension between the three of them had Yuka realized that Yoshio was afraid of not doing right by the boy. Raising their three natural children had been a struggle itself, filled with the natural mishaps and misunderstandings of parenthood. Even their third time with Fuyumi hadn’t been the proverbial “charm”. It was still difficult, working and volunteering and making time for three children who mustn’t become the victims of favoritism.

Despite their different approaches, Yuka and Yoshio had harbored the same worries with regards to Kyoya.

“We didn’t want you to think we loved you less. And your father…he was afraid that if you learned the truth, we wouldn’t be enough for you anymore. Any distance between you two…it’s his way of protecting himself. Losing you would be so, so painful. Because we love you dearly, your father and I. You couldn’t be more our son if we had given birth to you. And your brothers and sister have never seen you as different. You were a part of them, from the instant I brought you home.”

Tears choked Yuka’s voice. “I’m sorry, Kyoya. I’m sorry for keeping it from you. I really was…trying to think of you. Of your happiness. I’m sorry…that I hurt you. I just…I love you so much, Kyoya…”

Two arms wrapped themselves around her back, returning her hug. “You are the only mother I have. That hasn’t changed. I don’t know why you think it would.”

They both held each other and cried after that.

The Ootoris were still his family. Kyoya still cared about them. Yoshio and Yuka were still his parents. Hiro, Akito, and Fuyumi were still his siblings. If they knew he knew the truth, they didn’t say anything or treat him differently. The only smothering came from Fuyumi, and that was nothing new or unique to him.

Kyoya was grateful that nothing had changed. Any special treatment would have fueled his complicated emotions. At the same time, it was clear he couldn’t discuss his troubles with the family. The slightest hint of dissatisfaction would cause his parents pain—the parents who had taken him in when he had no one. And if he’d thought his siblings wouldn’t understand his feelings of estrangement before, he knew they wouldn’t now. They’d listen and nod along kindly, but sympathy was all they could give him.

None of them understood what it was like to be adopted. To have had a different life, without any memories of it. They didn’t know what it was like to ache for something…someone who must be out there.

Kyoya was desperate for someone to talk to; someone who would understand the conflict pulling him apart. So he began to search for his birth family.

He was surprised when his mother had agreed to take him back to the orphanage. He could tell by the tension in her body that it was difficult for her. But she’d supported him all the same. “I want you to be happy,” she’d repeated.

The trip had been in vain. The orphanage had no information about Kyoya beyond what was already on his adoption decree.

His family name had been Aisaka. He’d born on November 17th in the Nagano Prefecture. He was three years old when he’d been abandoned and subsequently adopted. The records on who had left him at the orphanage were legally sealed shut.

Kyoya had tried to hide his disappointment, and must have failed, as his mother spent the rest of that day trying to console him. He couldn’t tell if the heartache in her dark eyes was for him or herself, but he couldn’t involve her again after that.

He took up the search alone. The little free time he had became dedicated to finding and combing through piles of records: censuses, koseki registries, newspapers…

He hit wall after wall, dead end after dead end. It was like his birth family had never existed; like someone had taken an eraser and scrubbed them from the annuls of history.

At last, Kyoya had to consider that they didn’t want to be found.

Maybe they hadn’t wanted him at all. What if he was wasting his time, looking for a family that didn’t exist?

No. Somewhere, at some time, someone had cared about him. The person on the train. It had occurred to him, early in the search, that his cherished memory might be the last remnant of his previous life. And the person he’d half-forgotten…they might be the key to solving this mystery. If only he could remember them! A face, a name—anything.

Someone was out there. And maybe they were thinking about him. Maybe when he looked up at the night sky, pondering the answers to his endless questions, someone else was looking at the same stars and wondering where he was, how he was. It was possible that someone was missing him too.

And so he kept looking.

              “You gave him way too much, Akito.”

              “Well, we wanted him to sleep through the ride.”

              “But no one expected you to knock him out cold!”

              “I’m just a medical student, Fuyumi! Next time, you can calculate the dosage, okay?”

              “All right you two,” Hiro murmured placatingly. “Let’s keep it down, all right? We’re conspicuous enough as it is.” He shook Kyoya’s shoulder again, harder this time. “Kyoya? Kyoya, it’s time to wake up.”

              His youngest sibling began sluggishly to wake, blinking slowly as the sleeping pills wore off and he returned to consciousness. “Hiro…” he groaned, reaching up under his glasses to rub his eyes. “What…where are we?”

              “Matsumoto.”

              “In Nagano?” Kyoya was suddenly much more alert. “Why?”

              “You’ll see.” Hiro smiled and extended a hand to help his brother up. Kyoya looked at him a moment, lips pursed warily, before he accepted it and pulled himself up.

              They parked away from the main bustle of town now—which was good, because their expensive car been drawing a lot of unwanted attention.

              But this was a quiet place. They wouldn’t be disturbed here.

              The four siblings started up the hill. Hiro slung an arm around Kyoya’s shoulders and Akito and Fuyumi walked close on the other side. The bare sakura trees had a quiet, solemn beauty to them, and the call of autumn birds sang through the cool air. Eventually, they left the path and weaved their way between rows of white, polished stone. Finally, they reached a great, slumbering tree. It wasn’t dead; just sleeping until spring, when it would bloom with life again.

              Kyoya knelt at the stone under the tree and reached out to trace the names written there. Nobuo Aisaka and Tsubaki Aisaka. He was silent for a long while. A few times, Hiro had to signal Akito and Fuyumi to remain quiet while their brother was taking everything in. This was a sacred, solemn moment, and one they had no right to intrude on.

              Finally, Kyoya let out a long breath that painted the air and turned to face them. “These are my birth parents.” There was a sad acceptance in the words.

              Hiro nodded. “We knew how much it meant to you, to find them.” It was Akito who’d found out that Kyoya knew the truth. Before telling Hiro and Fuyumi about their brother’s quest, he’d confronted their parents. Father was still in denial, unwilling to face Kyoya over the secrets he’d kept, and Mother had advised Akito to keep his nose out of it.

Fuyumi, infinitely kind and tender-hearted, insisted that they help Kyoya find his other family. They’d kept the truth from him for thirteen years; this was the least they could do, to prove how much they really cared about him. Hiro and Akito had agreed. And so they’d worked tirelessly, picking up every loose thread that Kyoya had abandoned and following them to the end, using their connections to fill in the pieces their younger sibling could not. It had been a long, tedious, frustrating process, but Hiro had finally found a local newspaper article that cracked their investigation wide open. A little more research had confirmed that the young couple in the article were indeed Kyoya’s parents.

              The teenager swallowed, trying to sound resolute. “What happened to them?”

              That was the hardest part to tell. “They were teachers at a local high school. One afternoon, as they were driving home, another car hit a patch of ice and ran them off the road.”

              There was another stretch of silence. Not even the birds were chirping now, as if paying their respects. “Did…did they suffer?” Kyoya whispered.

              Hiro shook his head. “No. They went instantly.”

              “That’s…good, I guess…”

              It wasn’t, really.

              “And…did I have any other family?”

              Hiro bit his lip. That was the one question they hadn’t been able to answer. Though not for lack of trying. “There was a fire at the prefectural office ten years ago. All of the records were destroyed, including the koseki.” And the fire wasn’t the only obstructive force at play here. Whoever had put Kyoya up for adoption had done a gone job of covering their tracks. Every inquiry the Ootori siblings made into a possible extended family for Kyoya had come up empty.

              “Oh.” Kyoya’s shoulders dropped. He turned back to the gravestone, as if it could provide the answers he lacked.

              “Are you mad at us?” Fuyumi asked gently. “For going behind your back?”

              “No,” he answered simply.

              “Maybe you don’t think it’s any of our business,” Akito’s hands were shoved in his pockets, and he scuffed at the ground with his shoes. “But it is. You’re our brother. We’ll always be there to put our oars in, whether you like it or not.”

              Fuyumi knelt beside Kyoya and handed him a bouquet of fresh chrysanthemums, cut from her own garden. “I’m sure they’re proud of you. Just like we are.”

              Trembling hands accepted the flowers from Fuyumi and placed them on the grave. Then Kyoya’s shoulders started to shake and his sister enfolded him in a tender embrace. Hiro and Akito dropped to the ground as well, and held each other. A current of warm love spread through them.

              “Thank you…” Kyoya finally gasped past his tears. “Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

              “We love you, Kyoya.” Hiro pet his baby brother’s hair. “We always will.”

              They’d go on; all four of them, together. And in time, maybe the wounds of the past would heal. They’d never be able to replace what Kyoya had lost, but they could be the family he needed now.

              Yes, they’d go on.

              For thirteen years, the grave had only had one visitor.

              So it was a shock, to see a bouquet of chrysanthemums resting against the white headstone. Yuuichi couldn’t imagine who would leave flowers for his parents after all this time.

              Yuuichi Sato, whose name had once been Yuuichi Aisaka, crouched down and brushed his fingers against one of the blossoms. They were still fresh. The giver must have been there recently. He turned his head about, as if he might catch sight of them. But the cemetery was empty, as far as he could see.

              With a sigh, he withdrew a packet of matches from his pocket and lit a stick of incense for each of his parents. He didn’t believe in the superstitions surrounding such rituals, but it was the respectful thing to do.

              He’d failed his parents in every other way.

              Thirteen years ago, just after his brother’s third birthday, a policeman had come to their doorstep. Their parents were dead, killed in a car crash. Yuuichi had been so numbly disbelieving. It seemed impossible for his mother and father to be alive and going about their daily routine one moment, and gone in the next.

              But reality struck like a bolt of lightning when his father’s cousin Kohaku and wife Rui arrived. Yuuichi’s mother had no living relatives, and his father had only distant family, whom he’d been estranged from for years. Before Yuuichi could catch his breath, Kohaku and Rui had put together a rushed burial and sold off his parents’ house and belongings.

              Yuuichi, they decided, was old enough to be put to work, but his brother was still a little boy, and Kohaku and Rui had no patience for children. They’d take Yuuichi back to Aichi with them and put Kyoya in an orphanage. The matter wasn’t up for discussion.

              Now, Yuuichi, still shaken with grief, had allowed these people to toss his parents into the ground without care or compassion. He’d sat, tongue-tied, as two callous strangers insulted his mother and father before their bodies were even cold. He’d stood by as the world he’d known for almost seventeen years disappeared around him. But Kyoya was the one thing he wouldn’t give up without a fight.

He’d petitioned the local magistrate for custody of his brother. If he got a job, he was sure he could support them. There were a lot of things he’d have to give up, but Kyoya…Kyoya was his entire world. He couldn’t let them be separated.

              But no amount of rational pleading or emotional begging would change the magistrate’s mind. Yuuichi was too young, he said. Kohaku and Rui Sato were doing what was best for both children. The case was closed.

              Yuuichi didn’t accept that.

              The night after the last hearing, a week before Christmas, he’d waited until Kohaku and Rui were asleep. This was their final night in the Aisaka family house; the new owners would be arriving tomorrow. He’d slipped Kyoya out of his bedroll, placing a finger on his brother’s lips when he woke in fright. Kyoya seemed to understand what was happening, as he clamped his mouth tightly shut. Yuuichi pulled their coats and boots on, tiptoed around the creaky boards, and slipped out of the house.

              With his brother on his back, Yuuichi had run through the cold dark night to the local station and jumped on the first train he saw. He didn’t care where they were going, so long as it was far away from Matsumoto. Far away from the people who wanted to take Kyoya from him.

              He’d make this work. He’d calculated the expenses in his head a million times. The 30,000 yen he’d saved would last them until he found a job. He and Kyoya could stay together. They had to. They were all each other had.

              Yuuichi didn’t remember much about the train ride. But he remembered holding Kyoya on his lap, daring anyone to take his brother away. Every time Kyoya looked up at him with those big gray eyes, Yuuichi had managed a small smile. The bright grins the boy gave him in return gave him courage and hope. It was the first glimmer of happiness he’d felt since his parents died.

              They’d got off the train in Tokyo. That was as far as Yuuichi’s budget would take them. The brothers took shelter in a run-down little hotel, and there they stayed for two days. Yuuichi found a job unpacking boxes, and he was confident that he’d find something better soon.

              On the third day, he’d taken Kyoya to a little café for dinner. The radio behind the counter was broken, making all the songs play sluggishly and in a minor key. The food wasn’t great, but Kyoya seemed to like it. And after skimping on portions for himself, Yuuichi wasn’t complaining about the small sandwich he ordered, even if the bread was stale and the cheese cut from the rind. Every few minutes, he bounced his brother up and down on his lip, which made Kyoya laugh.

              The bell on the shop door rang, and suddenly a gruff voice spoke Yuuichi’s name. He turned his head, mindful not to knock Kyoya, and came face-to-face with the police. His heart sunk, and he knew his plan had failed.

              Suddenly a female officer took the toddler from his arms. Kyoya—frightened and not understanding—squirmed and reached out helplessly.

              “Yuu-chan! Yuu-chan!”

              “It’s okay,” Yuuichi shushed him, trying to keep calm himself, though his voice was far too frantic. “It’s okay. Go with the nice lady. It’ll only be for a little while. I’ll see you soon; I promise.”

Yuuichi hadn’t intended to break that promise.

He’d get Kohaku and Rui to change their minds. Or, he’d wait until he turned eighteen and then go back to court and get custody. Either way, he’d be with Kyoya again. He’d keep fighting until their family was back together.

But by the time Yuuichi arrived at adulthood, things had changed. Kyoya, he found out, had been adopted by one of the wealthiest families in Japan. He had a father, a mother, a sister, and two older brothers. He had a house—a mansion!—money, security… Yuuichi could never dream of giving Kyoya half the things the Ootori family could.

He could barely take care of himself. For two years, Kohaku and Rui had beaten him down. Every word they spoke to him was cruel and degrading. Nothing he ever did was good enough. He was a disgrace, a waste of space. If it wasn’t for them, he would be in jail, or dead. Everything he had, he owed to them. And they expected his gratitude to be full and unconditional.

They had control of everything—the money he made, the jobs he took, the places he went, even the people he spoke to. Any deviation, any toe out of line, resulted in harsh consequences. They said he deserved to be punished. And maybe they were right. All Yuuichi knew was that he no longer had the strength to fight them. He was too tired.

Except…when it came to Kyoya. He couldn’t get his brother back; he knew that. It would be the height of selfishness to drag his innocent brother into his troubles, away from the privileged life he was leading with his new, perfect family. Kyoya no longer needed him. Wasn’t that a bitter pill to swallow. But it was better than the alternative.

Yuuichi rubbed his wrists. They were ringed with scars, from being chained to a desk for hours, sometimes days, at a time. He couldn’t reach Kyoya, but he wouldn’t let the Satos get him either.

Kohaku and Rui were greedy, grasping, power-hungry social climbers. If they ever found out that Kyoya had been adopted into the Ootori Group…it made Yuuichi’s stomach turn to think about. Kyoya would be manipulated, used and hurt for his money and his social standing. He could never allow that.

Over the years, he’d worked to scatter the thin paper trail that connected Kyoya with the Satos—and by extension, Yuuichi himself. It hurt, knowing that he was destroying their chances for ever being reunited, but he had to protect his brother. At any costs.

“Forgive me…” he pleaded brokenly at the grave of his parents. “Forgive me, for abandoning Kyoya. Forgive me, for letting them take him away. I never wanted to…I never wanted any of this to happen.

If only…if only I could tell him that—”

“Why did you drag me to Nihonbashi, exactly?”

“It’s Ootori Brothers Bonding Time! Trademark pending.”

Akito rolled his eyes. “Don’t look at me. It was all his idea.”

Hiro pouted. “What’s so wrong about bringing my favorite brothers along on a business trip? It’ll be fun.”

“Oh, so fun,” Kyoya slurred sarcastically. Mock exasperation aside, he was actually in good spirits.

He’d felt…better after visiting his parents’ grave. It wasn’t the resolution he’d wanted, but it was still closure. He had some idea of who he was, where he came from. And he knew that his parents hadn’t chosen to leave him. That made a world of difference.

And he had the Ootoris, who had chosen—chosen to take him into their lives and make him part of their family. And even if he’d never have a tie of blood to his parents and siblings, the bond that held them together was still strong. Nigh unbreakable, considering what they’d been through lately.

So even if he didn’t really appreciate being hauled off by his brothers to some boring meeting on his day off, Kyoya was glad to be with them. Ootori Brothers… It meant he was part of something.

“You’re taking us out to lunch after this,” Akito huffed under his breath. “Somewhere expensive. We’re not slumming it in some dive family restaurant again.”

“You’re no fun at all, Akito,” Hiro countered.

“Will you two please behave?” Kyoya groaned. “You’re supposed to be the adults here.”

“I’m just second fiddle. Talk to the heir over there.”

“I agree with Kyoya. You ought to be more mature, Akito.”

“Why you—”

Hiro grinned cheekily and put a finger to his lips. “We’re going in now. Save your threats for later.”

He swung open the heavy glass door and strutted confidently into the office, where he was greeted enthusiastically by an older, distinguished-looking gentleman. He was a financial advisor for the national Board of Audit.

“Fujimori-san,” Hiro shook the man’s hand with a smile. “It’s been too long.”

“It has indeed, Ootori-san,” Fujimori replied warmly. “You ought to come see me at the club more often.”

“Maybe I should, since you’re inviting me. But you know how terrible I am at golf.”

“Ah, but that’s the fun of it! Someday I’ll be old and feeble and I won’t be able to even hold a club. I have to trounce you youngsters while I’ve still got a chance.” The man’s gaze left Hiro and swept over Akito and Kyoya. “Are these your brothers, Ootori-san?”

“The pride and joy of the Ootori Group,” Hiro crowed. “My brothers Akito and Kyoya Ootori.”

“A pleasure to meet you both.” Fujimori shook their hands in turn. “And quite a glowing recommendation. Your big brother has been a gift to our little department.”

Hiro laughed. “As if your ‘little department’ needs me quite that much…”

The older man waved his hand dismissively. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s sit down and discuss things over a pot of tea. Ah, Sato-san! Excellent; you’re just in time.”

Kyoya turned to see the person who’d just entered the office behind them. The person Fujimoto had called out to. ‘Sato-san’…

That’s when the universe froze. The room…Fujimoto…Hiro and Akito… Everything was lost to wild falling snow and the sound of grinding wheels against a metal track. Suddenly Kyoya had been transferred to that moment in time, on the train. And this time, the memory sharpened, and he could see the face he’d longed to know. A thin nose, dark eyes, and a shock of black hair like his. Behind a set of glasses were serious but kind eyes. The boy was smiling a sad smile, just for Kyoya.

He’d called the other boy ‘Yuu-chan’. And he was Kyoya’s…

“This is my trusted assistant:” Fujimoto’s voice sounded so far away, like he was standing at the end of a long tunnel. “Allow me to introduce Yuuichi S—”

“Aniki.” The word left his mouth before Kyoya could stop it.

Yuuichi’s eyes—still dark and serious, but dull and dead in a way that was horribly wrong to Kyoya—slowly came alive. Light returned to the orbs, and they widened as Yuuichi stared at Kyoya like he was seeing another human for the first time.

“Kyoya,” Yuuichi replied.

His name. Yuuichi had said his name in that way. Kyoya’s eyes stung and he squeezed them tightly shut, not daring to open them until he felt a hand on his cheek, brushing the errant tears away.

“Don’t cry. That’s the one thing I could never stand.”

He wanted to obey, but the tears wouldn’t stop coming. “I waited…I waited so long for you,” he croaked. “Did you…did you not…”

“I thought of you every day,” Yuuichi answered shakily. Kyoya’s gaze shot up to meet his. Yuuichi had known exactly what he’d been trying to ask. “I never forgot. Never.”

He couldn’t help himself. His years of impulse control and manners training and cultivating a tatemae suitable for someone of his social standing flew out the window. The brother he’d yearned for all these years was here. Kyoya threw himself at Yuuichi, burying his face in the other man’s chest.

He felt Yuuichi stiffen, and for a moment Kyoya feared that he’d be pushed away. But then, a pair of strong arms encircled him and held him close. He inhaled a shuddering breath, then exhaled, releasing all the worry and loneliness and frustration and pain he’d felt for months and years. He relaxed, giving himself completely to the embrace. It was just as warm as he remembered. Once more, it was just the two of them in the world.

“Don’t ever leave me again…” Kyoya whispered pleadingly.

There was a pause, and then a tender, “I love you, Kyoya.”

It wasn’t really an answer to his request, but it was the only thing Kyoya had wanted and needed to hear. He’d been found again. He was wanted and loved.

He was home.

Merry Christmas to @xaandiir, the best friend a girl could have!! 

[sunshowers-and-sunflowers]

I tried to write about love

I posted this piece on fet and some man told me to “Go fishing and talk to someone” but the joke is on him bc I HATE fishing.

Admittedly I did come in hot...I tried to clean it up for tumblr so it doesn’t get taken down. TW: mentions of abuse and toxic relationships, blood and consensual acts of harm. Oh and suic*de

One of the only reasons I haven’t killed myself is because I know love is real.

 If I had never experienced it, I might have ended my own suffering. But every day I wake up and I remember what it felt like to be in love. And I can’t die when there is a possibility, I could feel that way again.

 I love a lot of people. Actively and passively every single day.

My platonic love is overwhelming. It’s a bright orange, like creamsicles with the soft pale-yellow swirl. It is messages asking about your day. It is always paying for lunch. It is a text exactly one hour after you left asking if you made it home safely. It is a warm blanket draped over you while you fall asleep watching a movie with me. It is a warm hand placed on your arm accompanied by the warmest most sincere smile I can muster. It is holding you while sobs rack your body and you shiver in my arms. It is absorbing your punches as you scream their name, pound my chest and curse. It is slowly rubbing circles with my thumb while we hold hands. It is carrying napkins, tissues, chapstick, change, extra sunglasses and a snack at all times. Just in case you need it. It is sending you positive encouraging messages reassuring you of your brilliance. It is four-hour long phone calls while you talk, and I nod along even though you can’t see my face. It is a handmade card for your birthday even though we’re nearly 23. It is remembering your parents, grandparents and siblings’ names. It is a soft kiss planted on your forehead. Rustling your hair. Laughing until I cry even though your joke definitely was not that funny. It is playing the same three songs when you get in my car because I know you like them. It is being the voice of reason. Reminding you to study instead of go out. There is no scolding, but a silent disappointment when you make the “wrong” decision. It is a heavy sigh when you tell me about repeated behavior that is causing you pain. It is a firm but gentle nudge forward towards your dreams. It is holding you accountable for your actions. It is forgiving you. Your favorite words fall into my vocabulary and when I catch them coming out of my mouth I can’t help but smile and think of you. It is seeing your favorite things and texting you a picture. It is searching for the perfect meme that I know you’ll love. It’s spending too much money on gifts and wanting to spoil you with material items because I am not good at expressing my love with words. It is a privilege to be by your side and watch you grow. It can be intense, but it is always soft.

 My familial love is a dark purple, the deepest color in a bruise. It is beauty even when there is pain. It is picking up after you. It is cooking your favorite meal and dropping it off at your house. It is calling you and hearing the same things I have heard since childhood. It is listening to the same story I have heard one hundred times but smiling and nodding along anyways. It is staring at old photos of us for too long. It is sneaking my cousins their favorite snacks. And not scolding them when they curse. And laughing at their stories. And never letting them win card games. It is ice cream during the hot summer. It is kissing their heads and whispering I love you and I can’t believe how big you’re getting. It is saying “I remember the day you were born” and choking up with tears. It is knowing I’d give the world to them if I could. It is holding my grandmother’s hand. Running my fingers through her hair. Listening to my grandfather talk about the Army, and every job he’s ever had. It’s remembering how he let me play games at the carnival even though I never won anything. It’s forgiveness. Forgiveness for all the things I needed that you could not provide. Forgiveness for the raising of voices, the breaking of dishes and the hurling of insults. It is never sharing how I felt as a child, because I know it would break you. It’s sitting in silence and watching HGTV with my father for five hours. It is sweeping his floors, and helping him fold laundry because I worry, he won’t do it without my help. It is watching TV with my mother even though she pauses the show and stretches a 30-minute show into almost 2 hours. It’s sitting down on the couch, and then being immediately asked to grab something and doing it anyways. It is birthday cards, and Christmas cards, and even Easter cards every single year. It is the soft rays of an early morning drive. It is the swelling in my chest when I remember you are all human. It is feeling satisfied, but still sad, that you tried your best and it was not enough.

Then there is the love that drives me. But I guess there isn’t just one.

The soft yellow, a warm ray of light slipping through the blinds. Looking straight at the sun and smiling.

The waking up at 11 am on a Sunday, limbs tangled, light spilling into the room, a barely audible hum and a feeling of peace. It is making chocolate chip pancakes with smiley faces that exist for ten minutes at most before you devour them. It is reaching across the table with a napkin to wipe your face. It is grabbing onto your forearm in public when I am scared. It is the intertwining of feet at the dinner table. It is grocery shopping together and running with the cart. It is laughing so hard that people start to stare. It is watching your favorite movie 100 times and not complaining once. It is waiting to watch the next episode of tv with you even though I’m dying to find out what happens. It is leaving love notes in your lunch. Or on the bathroom mirror. Or the refrigerator. It is sending you snapchats of ugly faces because I know it makes you laugh. It is standing on my tip toes begging for a kiss. It is holding hands while we eat dinner. It is waking up at 3 am and looking at your face, so moved by your existence that I start to cry.

 Then there’s an apple green.

Riding carnival rides and screaming together. Carving pumpkins and one of us definitely cuts our finger. It is singing karaoke and neither of us knows the chorus. It is pulling your pants down as you cut an apple in the kitchen but as I run away, I run into the wall. It is buying dinosaur band aids because I know you will love them. It is rolling the windows down and driving far over the speed limit while we both scream into the inky night. It is driving at the dead of night; darkness surrounds me and your snoring is so loud I cannot hear the radio. It is being horribly drunk in public, and I warn you about getting sick, but you keep drinking and we end up in the bathroom, me holding your hair back while you spill your guts. It is loud electronic music in a club as we flail our bodies around. Your face looks so good in neon flashing lights. It is doing dishes together and accidently flicking soap on you. It is the time I dumped noodles in a soap covered drainer and you never let me live it down. It is being sprawled out on the couch while you play video games, I scream at the TV pointing out all of your enemies as they shoot you dead. It is being selfish and not pausing the show even though you fell asleep 20 minutes ago. It is your morning breath that I can taste but don’t care because I have to kiss you as soon as I wake up. It is when you force me to cut your hair and my hands shake terribly but I am so moved by your trust in me. It is when you make me try new food and I hate it so you eat it all. It is anger when you say you don’t want any fries and then proceed to eat all of mine, but I don’t say anything. It is playing hide and seek in the aisles like we are children, not held down my societal expectations. It is holding back all the “I told ya sos”. It’s the absolute chaos sharing your life with another person brings. But god I’d take all the chaos in the world as long as you’re by my side.

There’s a lilac color. Like lavender.

It is so similar to platonic love. Picking up after you, seeing things and thinking of you, trying my best to make you happy. But it is different. It is running my fingers through your hair absentmindedly. It is leaving lipstick kisses all over your face. It is doing your laundry because it saves time. It is telling you my fears and hopes for the future. It is kissing all the spots on your body that you aren’t ready to love. It’s holding your hand when you try new things. It is listening to your hopes and dreams. It is encouraging you to be who you are inside. It is picking up your habits and being amazed when I catch myself doing them. It’s slipping your name into conversation with other people. It is laying on freshly cleaned sheets and listening to your heartbeat. It is our fingers intertwined during a nap. It’s getting used to your little quirks. It is finishing each other’s sentences. It is knowing your standard Chinese food order. It is going to corporate Christmas parties and watching you interact with all your co-workers as I stand in the corner. It is running a thumb across your lips. It is familiarity and comfort.

Then there’s a deep red. Like dried blood flecks on my face.

It’s the screaming and crying and shaking because I need you to understand me, but you just can’t seem to. It’s the splitting my knuckles on the wall that I punch out of frustration, and you gently wash my hands and bandage them in silence. It is the awkward silence when I meet your family and they just don’t seem to like me. It’s the pain that shoots across your face when they ask me “So what are you?”. It’s being curled in a ball on our bed, desperately sniffing your shirts because I haven’t seen you in days. It’s the white-hot pain that shoots through my body when your fist connects with my jaw. It’s the absence of air in my lungs, and the audible struggling as your fingers squeeze the life from me. It’s wearing pants in the summer because I can’t let anyone see all the bruises you’ve left on my thighs. It’s the strands of your hair, ripped from your head and grasped tightly in my fingers as you leave bite marks all over my body. It’s the slightest hint of blood on your back as my nails dig into your skin. It’s the sound of flesh hitting flesh in my car parked in an abandoned lot. It’s my backseat being covered in white and red fluid, clashing against my tan carpet. It is the smell of sweat. It is stained sheets. It is screaming into the void with you by my side, but not being sure what we’re screaming about.

It can be confusing. When it’s crying your name out. When it’s begging you to hurt me. When it’s feeling empty when I’m not with you. When it’s chains and shackles. When it’s warm breath pleading “Take the pain for me”. When it’s being covered in bruises. When it’s shaking uncontrollably when I’m with you. When it’s flinching when you go to touch me. When it’s crying in my room because you aren’t there. When you are all I can think about. It is a slightly metallic smell. Slightly off-putting but also intoxicating too.

But I know for sure what it isn’t.

It’s not emptying my first aid kit every month because we just seem to run through bandages like it’s nothing. It’s not sweeping up broken glass from our living floor. It’s not sweeping up pieces of ceramic in the kitchen. It’s not the smell of bleach as I scrub the spots of blood from the bathroom floor. It’s not the heat radiating from my cheeks as you humiliate me in public, in front of your friends because I dared to suggest you needed assistance in any form. It’s not crying. So many tears. It’s not waking up at 2 am to an empty bed. It’s not doing our laundry alone because you have worked 10 days straight. It’s not looking in the mirror and not recognizing who is looking back. It’s not cursing and screaming and crying and pulling away. It’s not knocking glasses off of tables as I run from you. It’s not waking up at 12 am to greet you as you come home from your closing shift, but finding you on the couch, talking to someone else through your headset. It’s not unanswered text messages. It’s not boiling water washing over me as I sit curled into a ball in our shower. It’s not wearing headphones and blasting music for a single second of peace. It is not our apartment filled with the sounds of chewing because we have nothing to say over dinner. It is not constant pain. It is not constant fear. It is not fearing for my safety.

I live every day because I think I might get to see the soft hazy yellows, or the bright candy apple greens. But the fear of rusty reds keeps me alone. It drives me to pull back from every encounter. It plants seeds of doubt in me.

And so, I settle.

I dream of those colors, while isolating myself. I consume literature and media that paints with such pretty colors. But me? I can’t imagine ever picking up a paint brush again.

And so I long for something I will never pursue.

I live knowing love is possible but not willing to risk it all again. Only to be left bloody, bruised and alone.

I’ve got no problem with blood, or bruises. But being alone while someone out there knows every inch of me?

I’d rather not.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #478

“i get pretty just to fuck my face up”

If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? No. Do you have things on your mind right now? My weight is very, very much on my mind. I dared to weigh myself yesterday and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. So that's comforting. Are you at all stressed right now? ^^^^^^^ hunny I wanna pull all my hair out What was the last stuffed animal you bought? I don't know. What’s the last new good song that you discovered? "The Devil's Rejects" by Rob Zombie. I've been really into him lately. Felicity, Fiona, or Flavia? (with the “v” pronounced like a “w”–it’s Latin) "Felicity" is beautiful. I love the word in general. Which biblical name do you prefer: Naomi, Esther, Rachel, or Joanna? I love the name Naomi. Do you own a cowboy hat? No. Have you ever unfriended a sibling on social media? No; she unfriended me. Has someone let you down recently? My goddamn self. What are you looking forward to? Mom to get better so we can force ourselves back into the gym. Also Girt's mom to get better so we can see each other. For the weather to actually feel fall-ish. What’s your favorite Lady Gaga song? "Bad Romance." Skeletons or scarecrows? Skelly boiz What type of tree is the most common where you live? Oh, absolutely pine trees. Where did your last kiss take place? My living room. Name of your pet? Venus and Roman. How was your summer? Shitty. I hate summer. Do you miss anyone right now? I really miss Girt. Covid's gotta go. What size is your shirt? *feral hissing noises* Who was the last person you held hands with? Girt. Do you get out of bed on the left side or right side? Left, because I sleep mostly to the left. Do you like to be closer or farther back to the wheel when driving? Neither, I think? I haven't driven in so long that I'm not sure, but I'm quite sure I position myself pretty ideally. When eating dinner, do you eat foods in order or just inhale it? It's usually kind of in order, but occasionally I'll mix it up. When you lose your phone, where is the first general place you look? My bed. Do you fall asleep with your mouth open or closed? Usually closed. I tend to breathe through my nose unless I'm stuffy. What was the last bug you killed? An ant. Do you keep items in your front or back pants’ pocket? Front. What was the last item or location you cleaned? My glasses. Do you own a pet spider? No, but I REALLY want a number of tarantulas. :( The more time that passes, the more I want some, ha ha. I'd also love a jumping spider or two, but Mom won't allow even that. Have you ever gone on a cruise? No. Is there a rocking chair in your house? No. Have you ever been stood up? No. Do you like elevators or escalators? I'm scared of both. I'm afraid of getting stuck in an elevator, or falling down an escalator/tripping on one. Which do you prefer: M&M’s, Skittles, or Reese’s Pieces? Reese's Pieces, yum. If you could be the sidekick of a superhero which superhero would you pick? Uhhhh maybe Spider-Man, if I could web-sling too? lol Where on your body would you never get a tattoo? ... Can/do people get genitalia tattoos? Because I would fuckin never- Do you think that you could ever win a food eating contest? Hell no. I would puke. Honestly, have you ever thrown garbage out of the window of a car? Absolutely not. Never. What is the first song that comes to mind when I say: Michael Jackson? "Billie Jean." Which would you find more menacing: dinosaurs or dragons? Dragons are just dinos that can fly and breathe fire, so... you tell me which is more dangerous. I'd still try to befriend one tho lmao. Can you say “hello” in another language? Yeah; German is easy. It's just "hallo." Do you like licorice? NO omg Did anybody ever read bedtime stories to you when you were younger? Mom did. Do you have a favorite Johnny Depp movie? What is it? I really like his roles in Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Were you ever force-fed as a child? My parents tried to enforce always finishing our plates. My mom is very against that now, considering the issues it can cause. Should kidneys or other organs be able to be bought and sold? No????? That's some black market bullshit for a reason. What is one of your most important rules when going on a date? Especially if it's your first date with a person, watch for red flags. Will children today have better or worse lives than their parents, and why? Well, it'll probably go in both ways depending on the topic. The environment is dying, the economy is horrific, but I'm sure there will be things like medical advancements. What's the most ironic thing you've seen happen? I dunno. Would you rather go ice skating or roller skating? Roller skating. The blades on ice skates scare me. How many different types of guns have you shot? (water, Nerf, real, etc) Uhhh just water and Nerf, I think? Which of the three meals a day are you most likely to skip? It's very unlikely you'll see me miss a meal... I don't handle the feeling of hunger well. What's something lots of people are afraid of, but you aren't? Snakes, some spiders, I don't THINK I'm scared of deep water, the dark... Do you know anyone who is tolerant of some on the LGBT spectrum but not all? Yes. Do open casket wakes freak you out? I've only been to one, as a child, when I didn't have a full grasp on death, so it was... oddly more fascinating to me, as weird as that sounds? I think going to one now, especially if it was someone close to me, it would make the wake more upsetting. When's the last time you slept in your parents' bed? No clue. What's something that will always be in fashion? Skinny jeans, checkered Vans... What "old person things" do you do? I regularly say "back in the day," lol. And I can go to sleep very early, like 7, but that's uncommon. I complain about soreness in my back and stuff. Do you live in the same hometown as where you were born? No. Did you dorm at college or commute from home? I commuted from home. Do you prefer the thin blue and white masks, or decorative ones? Well, who wouldn't prefer decorative ones? They're more personal to your interests and stuff and I feel is more encouraging to make people wear them. I however don't want to spend money on a mask, so I'm chill with just the blue surgical ones. Have you ever witnessed someone have a seizure before? My dog, yes. Have you ever rode on the back of a shopping cart, or a Home Depot dolly? Yeah, as a kid. Does everything you buy have to be organic? No. I don't buy the groceries, but I also don't care much about that. Do you support more small businesses or chain restaurants/stores? Habitually, chain ones. I wish I paid more attention to small businesses. Have you ever been crowned king or queen at a school dance? No. How old were you when you first started wearing a bra? Am I supposed to remember that? Are you more invested in computer games or video games? I don't care what the game is on; I can be equally invested in either. I prefer to play console games, though. Are you a fan of pumpkin spice everything? Noooo. I'm not a massive fan of it, actually. Is there any holiday that you don't decorate your house for? We only really decorate for occasionally Halloween and always Christmas. Mom may put up some Thanksgiving stuff. Tell me something your parents don't know about. They don't know certain places I've done sexual things at/on. What's the last table food you fed your pet? Roman doesn't get human food. He learned at a young age that's a no-no. Have you ever peed in the water at the beach? Ew, no. Even if it's incredibly vast, people still swim in that. Have you ever scored a winning goal for a team you played for? I doubt it. Have you ever participated in LARPing? No. Have you ever gotten a divorce? Never been married. Do you prefer "regular kissing" or French kissing? I mean that depends on the place and the mood. Are you more likely to give a hickey to someone else or get one? I haven't done that in many years, and when it happened, I don't think one of us did it more than the other. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I HATE sprinkles. Have you been in more car accidents as a passenger or a driver? I've only ever been in an accident as a passenger. Have you ever been wrongfully convicted of a crime? No. Was any of the cafeteria food at your school actually any good? I actually didn't mind a good number of things. Have you ever wanted to become a lifeguard? No. What's the highest fever you've ever had? I'm unsure, but over 100. Have you ever kissed a dog on the mouth? Well, dogs have kissed ME on the mouth. al;sdkfjalksdjkf so gross When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? Uh, I don't believe so. I feel like I would know that if I was. Would you enter a burning building to save a kitten? I feel like I would, I think. My intense love of animals would probably force me to kick into action. Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John? Haaaa, I have a bias for "Mark," of course... but if we're talking which name I find most appealing, it's probably John. Or Luke. Have you ever been told that you talk too much? As a child, yes. Do you like to clean? Does ANYBODY enjoy it? Do you know of anyone who went into labor at the baby shower? Uh yikes. No. When's the last time you did a hand game with someone? (ie: Mary Mack) Probably not since I was little. Do you know anyone who was not born in a hospital, unexpectedly? No. Does anyone you know have dual citizenship to live in multiple countries? Possibly? Do you still have a landline phone/phone number? No. Name a fad that was popular when you were growing up, that you miss. Oh, I KNOW there's some things, but I don't recall right now. Have you ever gotten to milk a cow or a goat? No. I'm not sure I'd want to.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? Yes, just one.

If you answered yes to the above, are your books ordered in a special way? Nope, no rhyme or reason for how I arranged them. I also have other things on the bookshelf besides books.

Have you ever owned action figures? Yeah.

Why did you last smile? Because of my pup.

Do you have a close relationship with your immediate family? Yes.

If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Hmm. There’s some stuff I’ve had my eye on online, so perhaps I’d put it towards that.

If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? Noo.

Do you crack your knuckles, neck or toes constantly? Not constantly, but I crack my knuckles occasionally.

Are you constantly catching colds or other sicknesses? No, surprisingly. I have other health stuff going and feel sick from that, but it does surprise me that I don’t get colds or anything like that more often. It’s been a few years now since the last time.

Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Yeah, there’s several.

Have you ever seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Yep, many times. I’ve also been to one of those interactive showings or whatever they’re called where you say out loud certain things at certain times during the movie, you have props used at certain times, and you sing along to the songs. People also dress up.

Where do you do most of your shopping? Walmart and online.

Are you afraid of mice? Yes.

What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? T-shirts and key chains.

Do you vacation often? No.

Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? No.

What’s your favorite candy bar? I’m a Reese’s gal.

Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No.

If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Hmm. I’m not sure.

If you could put any person or character’s face on money, whose would it be? I don’t know.

The place that you’d most like to be right now is where? Somewhere nice and relaxing.

Do large crowds make you anxious? Very.

Do you own a helmet of any sorts? No.

Will you willingly sing in front of other people besides your family? No.

What’s in the box? Cookies.

Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? A little bit for Halloween, but I go all out for Christmas.

Would you take the chance to be Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys for a day? I lovedddd Nancy Drew growing up, but I don’t know if I’d actually want to be her.

Do you eat soup when you’re sick? Yeah, but not chicken noodle. I prefer Top Ramen.

Is there a specific mug or coffee cup that you have to use all of the time? We have a lot of mugs, but there’s the same few that I use.

Have you ever watched Doctor Who? Nope.

If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet? -

Do you prefer to do your shopping online or in person? I like shopping online cause I avoid people and crowds and I can do it from my bed, but I’m so impatient haha. I hate having to wait for my stuff to arrive. I also hate that you can find a really good deal, but that dang shipping and handling bumps it up. I am less likely to get clothes online, but actually I’ve gotten a few clothing items online recently, so. Sometimes I like to go out in person and browse around and pick up something right then and there. So, I don’t know. I guess it just depends.

If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Nancy Drew, Goosebumps, and The Babysitter’s Club.

Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? No, but I look up stuff online.

Would you please belt out a few song lyrics here? Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling toooo. Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with youuuuu. Outside the snow is falling, and friends are calling, “you-hoo!” Come on, it’s lovely weather for sleigh ride together with youuuu.

How do you get rid of your hiccups? I don’t do anything, I just ride it out.

Is there one saying that you’ve adopted from someone/somewhere else? I’m sure.

Can you lie effectively and smoothly? No.

Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? My mom does.

Why is your favorite teacher your favorite? He’s just awesome.

Who can never fail to make you laugh? My younger brother and my pup.

Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? Depends?

How many pets have you had in your lifetime? 5.

Were you ever afraid of monsters under your bed? I don’t think so.

Would you kindly recommend your favorite movie to me? I have too many.

[bookwormguri]

Every time I think I can pinpoint all the ways my parents fucked me up, my brain remembers buried memories and proves me wrong.

Idk why, but today I was thinking back to the first time my fam ever went to Universal Studios. My mom and dad told my sister and I we could each pick one gift that they would buy as a souvenir. My sis (younger) picked out a super cute stuffed animal, all pink and floofly. My parents praised her for her choice.

When I picked, I went for an action figure set with a truck and some dinosaurs (the Jurassic Park ride with my favorite) and my parents immediately told me it was all the reasons I should pick something else, among those being, “Why would you even want action figures?”

I was a kid. I didn’t understand. I thought it was because of money. I just said that I really wanted it and that it was cheaper than my sis’s item. They did buy it, but not without giving me more grief about it. For years I was ashamed of that toy, ashamed of liking it.

It was the same shit with video games. My mom was happy when I was playing Barbie Horses or some shit, but as soon as I moved on to the PS2 and ATV games the devil was in video games. Even as close as this year my sis went around my parents back to buy me a video game for Christmas. 

Guess we know where my shame of enjoying things come from.