#Christmas Day I’ll be on this app crying about this fact just so you know

[awek-s]

reminder that this holiday season I will be going insane on tumblr about cha eunwoo emceeing the golden disk awards

[nightswithkookmin]

I am a hard Taekook shipper but recently Jikook have been melting my heart by being so cute and cudly and loving. I understand and i am sorry for so mhch hate from Taekookers but trust me Taekookers are a bit shaken right now. I cannot disclose my name here but i would like to say if Jikook is real or they decide to come out which i higly doubt then i am 100% in support and also ur page helped me open my eyes and see a diff sude of shipping which is needed alot more. I am Loving Love ryt now.

C'est la vie!

So sorry for the late response love. You've always been on my mind.

I get not every Taekooker is wild and rabid just as not every Joker is sane and fake woke. Lol.

I mean I'm still holding on to my grudge against your people for storming my business pages and leaving shit reviews on my books- and laughing about it? What was that? Damn. Had to change my author name and everything and I've since been publishing under an alias- let me tell you, it's no fun at all.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have called y'all's ship dead- but honestly it dead, it dried up like a drop of sweat on a dessert. What can I say? People just don't want the truth, lol- had these angry thirteen year olds and fake woke Jokers coming for my ass and my business ass on the flamingo app. Chilee. Your people don't want to be civil. Sigh.

Some people just have no sense of personal responsibility and when they get called out for it they slap you with the whole, 'no one asked you to put yourself and your business out there' - this creepy behavior and mental adroitness is not far from rapists blaming girls for wearing short shorts and mini skirts or thieves blaming people for not putting up a fence and shit to protect their property. It's fucked up.

And don't get me started on what they do to Jimin or JK... or even Tae- not to make you feel bad or anything. It's just my people suck, your people suck, we all suck square- don't apologize for it unless you plan on doing something to change it?

As for Taekook, yea I don't think there is anything wrong with shipping them. They have a beautiful bond, they are both visuals and both funny as hell. If you won't ship them I will. Lol.

Just know the reason you are shipping them? If you are shipping them because you genuinely believe they are a couple too then you need to stop shipping them and start supporting them?

And once you start supporting them then I think you'd sooner realize there isn't anything there to support in the first place. Lol.

I support Jikook because I believe with my full chest they are real and are closeted- emphasis on closeted. And for the record, they are the only queer couples in BTS.

Tae lost his queer card when he accidentally outed Jimin on that radio show. 'I think he likes men' yea, straight up het behavior. Lack of homo sensitivity.

Did you see JK's reaction when JM was asked to spill tea on their pervy behaviors behind cams? My butt quivered. Chilee, I thought he was gone out JK too. Damn.

I think the word real and closeted have come loose and cheap on these streets these days. I don't think most of these shippers when they throw it around fully understand the term or realise what it means and what it takes. If they did, they wouldn't randomly be labeling every ship as 'real' within the fandom.

If you believe Taekook is real and that they are equally hiding their sexuality as well as their relationship within the group, then you should understand how severe and traumatizing this fact is and would be for them as gay men?

The thing is, they are not just hiding parts of themselves and their identity for the sake of their careers or military or whatever if they are real, they are lying to millions, millions of people at a time about who they really are by keeping their identity a secret. Secrets are lies honey, however way we want to see it.

If they are real then they are concealing their true identity away from not just their families and friends- if they haven't come out to them, but acquaintances from work, businesses who wouldn't work with them otherwise, brands, sponsors, Heads of states, their fans....

It's one thing for a heterosexual to keep their heterosexual relationship a secret, it's another for a queer person to keep their queerness and or queer relationship a secret.

A lie as heavy as this is bound to take a toll on them, no matter how good they are at hiding it. A secret gets heavy before it gets easy. Not to sell you on anything but do you see any such secret taking a toll on Taekook? Because I see it taking a toll on Jikook.

Do you believe Taekook are closeted? Because I believe Jikook are.

Being closeted means they have to carry the guilt of knowing that each time they pander to heteronormative roles in variety shows or interviews, or imply by omissions that they are straight, or make generalizing statements about their sexuality to avoid addressing their sexuality directly or give it away, that they are lying to people and spewing half truths- seven years in a roll.

Being closeted is not a joke. It's heavy. I think you need to grasp this before you claim it for anyone.

People like to throw the 'closeted' phrase around willy nilly but fail to comprehend its weight and complexity and consequences especially for people that they believe are actually queer.

It's not easy lying to people about who you are. Unless you are a pathological liar and a psychopath, it's like drowning each day you wake up. You die a little each time. Your sexuality is a huge part of your identity and when you deny it for so long by lying and suppressing it, it's like shutting out a peice of yourself and silencing your own voice. The more you push it aside the louder it screams and the harder it fights to come out.

It's a state of constant internal struggle. You wake up everyday contemplating whether to risk the perfect life you've spent years building just so you can turn off the guilt that comes with keeping a secret of this nature.

And each time you get better at omitting or generalizing and evading questions that hint at your truth, the more you hate yourself and the more guilt you feel. This guilt can become a driving force that pushes you to make risky moves and take impulsive actions such as 'borderline outing your relationship'- does that sound like Taekook to you?

If you are not driven by the love you feel for your partner, you are driven by the guilt and neither is a great place to be if you are queer.

You lie everyday, you get caught up in the lies and soon you start believing in the web of lies you've woven around yourself such that you don't even recognize who you are or why you are, anymore. As such, you are constantly searching for yourself, to reconcile the bits you've hidden away and perhaps forgotten, and you keep exploring your identity because you are unsettled- honey, that sounds more like Jikook than Taekook to me but c'est la vie.

Being closeted is not about moments that get cut by editors, or less interactions, or being seperated or seated further apart from eachother. These are just ship street parlance. Being closeted is an attitudinal, internal attribute rather than external manipulations or influences- it's a science. Lol

Coming out may be risky for any of these boys if they are real, but I promise you hiding is much harder for them.

And so When I look at Taekook, and I see how beautiful they are yet I don't in God's honest truth see them 'dealing' with any or all of these struggles Jikook deal with or have dealt with at one point, in my opinion- forget the homophobia, the wanting to come out, the low key microaggressions they deal with even within the group- 'the Jk never stops crying,' 'the real men don't do this and that talk' talk, the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia traits JK and Jimin used to exhibit in their early days talking about 'real men don't twerk,' 'real men don't wear rings on their pinky'- all the times Jimin have had to defend his masculinity or even femininity, or stand up for Kook's within the group. 'Men, men, men. What is men?'

Jikook are the only two within the group that in my opinion have struggled most with their identity, with embracing aspects of themselves; you hear them complain about 'living a lie' 'tired of hiding, lying' and all these are themes consistent with closet behavior that they've both explored in one way or the other and even as of 2020 they are still dealing with or 'exploring' their identities perhaps as a means to reconcile their true selves? I'm really struggling with this post because I don't wanna get salesy on your ass. Lol.

Don't get me wrong, Tae struggles and deals with issues too- mostly with loneliness, lowkey depression in my opinion, lowkey bullying- sometimes, lol and he often expresses a desire to find someone and be happy and yet 'his supporters' don't recognize that...

You can wait till Jikook come out officially as queer, if they ever chose to, to support them- Or you can choose to support them and love them now because that's what they need in order to officially come out as and when they choose to? Ok I'm being salesy. Lmho. I'll stop. Don't mind me. But think about it.

Ship whatever ship you want but support Jikook. It's all I'm asking. And by support, I mean don't exhibit any anti homosexual attitude towards them- deadass. You and I gone fight, square up toe to toe, if you do. Lol.

People don't need to be afraid of Jikook. They just need to treat them as human beings and not reduce them to a mere ship. They are a ship too yes, but they are more than that if you ask me.

You sound nice. I love you. I'm glad you enjoy my posts. Merry Christmas and cheers to our ships.

Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[unsaid-stardust]

Cowboys and Sheriffs

Author’s note: ok wow an overwhelming amount of people said they wanted this fic so uhhh...here it is!! Tagging those of you who commented! 💜

Tagging: @littledancersun @mambofivehargreeves @sunsetcurves  @verified-dumbass @julie-and-the-phantoms-stan @jatpobsessedgirl @meangirlsx @letyourcolors @kikicalanmai

"Aha! Gotcha! Any last words?" Reggie holds his hands up in defense, cornered, unable to escape. He stares his enemy down, not wanting to give up his guard. 

"No need for last words when I won!" Reggie shouts. He immediately reaches into his back pocket and forms his fingers into a fake gun. He proceeds to shoot at his enemy in front of him, throwing a pillow in place of a bullet. The enemy is hit, flying backward onto the ground, crying out in surrender. 

"Ah! Mijo! I told you to stop playing dead and throwing pillows around the house! Someone could get hurt and the ghost could take it as an opportunity to haunt you!" Tía shouts, almost tripping over Carlos on the floor. Reggie felt his jaw drop slightly in hurt, he would never haunt anyone and the fact that Tía even felt like he could, showed how much she didn't know him. That's because she doesn't know you. Reggie heard Alex's annoying sarcasm in the back of his head. He chose to ignore it; it's what he does when Alex is there anyway. He would never haunt anyone, especially Carlos. Carlos stands up with a sigh. 

"Tía I told you-pillows are harmless! And there is no ghost! I never thought this day would come, but as the man of the house, I have to be honest. I was wrong and ghosts don't exist," Carlos explains, winking in Reggie's direction. Oh good, he's faking it. I really thought I was losing him there for a second. 

"Man of the house? Mijo what are you-" Carlos takes the opportunity to stop her from lecturing. 

"Uh you know, why don't you go ask dad? I think he was in the kitchen when I saw him!" Carlos guides Tía towards the kitchen. She protests, but goes with it nonetheless and leaves Carlos and Reggie to their own devices. Reggie makes himself visible to Carlos then. Yeah, they could do that now, well, sometimes. Reggie was still having trouble figuring out this newfound power of visibility. He couldn't do it all the time and when he id able to do it, it's not for very long. But, it's long enough to talk to Carlos. 

"Good save, little man. But, Why'd you have to go and put Ray in that position? Tía's gonna be lecturing him for awhile now and I wanted to stop by and see him before rehearsal!" Reggie explains. 

"Well it was either have us go through Tía's lecture or have it be dad and that was an easy decision. And I don't really get why you like hanging out with my dad so much. I mean he is a pretty cool dad, despite the times he tries to use modern slang like 'lit' and 'yeet', but otherwise he just kinda sits there and sifts through mail or whatever it is dads do. Besides, you can't even be visible in front of him because Julie hasn't told him about you being a ghost yet," Carlos responds.

Reggie suddenly feels like an anchor just tethered him to the bottom of the ocean. His feet feeling as though they were glued to the floor beneath him and he couldn't go anywhere, he couldn't even poof out if he tried. And suddenly, he could hear the echoing yells. The ones that fifteen and sixteen and seventeen-year-old Reggie knew oh so well. His parents. 

"Regg, you okay?" Carlos snaps him out of wherever he was. He blinks to get rid of the remnants of his memories. 

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm good. But, I gotta go get to practice! Sheriffs and Cowboys round 3 tomorrow though, right?" Reggie finger guns in Carlos' direction and Carlos' face lights up again. 

"Yeah, totally! But I'm the cowboy this time!" Carlos adds, a stern look on his face. Reggie frowns.

"What? Come on! You know cowboys are my thing!" He protests. Carlos raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms in defense. 

"Aren't you late for practice?" He interrogates. Reggie drops his jaw slightly, almost forgetting about practice completely. He poofs out quickly, but realizes that he hasn't fully solidified his accustomed position as cowboy. He poofs back into the living room briefly and adds

"We're not done here!"

~*~

Later that night, after practice seemed to have end, Carlos heads towards Julie's room. He may not know Reggie all that well and he might only be 12, but he knew something was bothering Reggie and he wanted to change that. Reggie's kinda become a big brother to Carlos. Julie is cool and all, for an older sister Carlos couldn't have asked for a better one, but it was nice having another guy in the house. Julie doesn't play Cowboys and Sheriffs with him or watch all the Star Wars movies or show the same enthusiasm over the third French Dip. Besides, if Reggie is all mopey or spaced-out or whatever, then he wouldn't play Cowboy and Sheriff with the amount of energy that it requires! 

Julie claims that the guys don't talk about their past that often, so she didn't know much about Reggie, but Luke had told her after an argument had erupted during practice one day and Reggie poofed out, that his parents used to argue a lot. They were close to divorcing apparently. She thinks that's why he likes hanging out with their dad all the time even though it can appear to be boring. 

"So then why haven't you told dad about them yet? That's what Reggie needs! The ability to talk to dad!" Carlos shouts.

"It's not that simple, Carlos. I mean yeah, dad's pretty cool, but do you think he'd be cool with three teenage boys living in our studio?!" Julie responds. Carlos stopped. He hated to admit it, but she was right. As much as he wanted Reggie to be able to talk to him, he didn't think that'd go over so well. 

"Fine, you got a point. But, there's gotta be some way Reggie can talk to dad. Please, how are we supposed to watch Star Wars if he keeps spacing out all the time?" Carlos pouts. Julie looks at her little brother. Her first instinct is to say "no". Reggie isn't that subtle at being a ghost, Tía still won't be in the living room by herself. But, She can't help, but think about how proud their mom would've been at how caring Carlos is. And because of this she says

"Ok, alright, I think I have a way," 

~*~

"Carlos! Little man! Where are you!" Reggie calls, searching the house for Carlos. He's been everywhere and he hasn't seen him, which is odd because it's 3:30 and Carlos should be home from school by now. Plus, they were supposed to meet at the usual spot to play their round of Cowboys and Sheriffs. 

"If this is because you have to be Sheriff again, I'm sorry! You can be the Cowboy this time!" He tries again. Suddenly, he feels all tingly and warped and that can only mean one thing. 

"Oh hey, Julie! Have you seen Carlos? We're supposed to play Cowboys and Sheriffs," He explains. Julie shakes her head and decides to keep the fact that Carlos can't actually hear him  unless he's visible to herself. 

"Yeah! He's in the kitchen," Julie motions Reggie to follow her and she leads him to the kitchen. When he enters, he sees Carlos sitting at the dinner table with Ray. They're chatting about something, but Reggie can't follow the conversation. Carlos and Julie exchange a look then and Julie motions him to follow her towards the table. 

"Hey, daaaad. Remember when you said you wanted to meet the band?" Julie questions. Reggie raises his eyebrow. 

"I do, but I think I recall you saying that they don't like to be seen or something along those lines," He answers, sitting back in his chair. Julie's jaw drops a bit from an unexpected answer. 

"Uh yeah, yeah I did say that didn't I? But, but, I think we may have figured out a way for you to meet them! Well, one of them anyway, Carlos!" Julie nods in Carlos' direction and Reggie has never felt more confused in his entire afterlife. Except, maybe when he, you know, brought back as a ghost. Because that was pretty confusing. Carlos stands up with a smile and hands Ray a pen. 

"Julie and I found this cool app that allows you to link this very pen to another. We sent one to the guys so whatever you write on your page, will show up on their page and what they write, will show up on yours," Carlos explains. Ray shakes his head, his eyebrows furrowed; Reggie does the same and Julie rolls her eyes with a smile. 

"You kids and your technology. I will never understand it. But, I'll try it," He responds. Reggies stops. Was he-supposed to go write to Ray? And if he is--what was he supposed to say? Hey I've been hanging out with you and you're a cool dad, I wish you were my dad? Even Reggie knew that wouldn't work! He turns to Julie for some kind of reaction; she nods and Reggie makes his way towards Ray and his notebook. Ray finishes writing his sentence and Reggie peers at the notebook. 

Hey Phantoms, this is Julie's dad. Can you read this? 

Reggie let out a small chuckle and picks up the pen. 

Loud and clear, Ray-Reggie 

"This technology is amazing it looks like it's writing itself! You kids are incredible!" Ray shouts, dramatically motioning towards the pen. Carlos walks towards his sister, exchanging a knowing smile. She puts her hand on his shoulder and he leans into her side. He watches Reggie and sees his smile widen every time her dad writes something. He sees him looking like a kid who has just opened the gift on Christmas Morning that they had been asking for all year. He sees him jump up in excitement at their dad's answers. 

"He likes Country music!" Reggie couldn't be happier. 

"I told you guys he'd like Country! I have to play him some of my Country stuff!" Carlos shakes his head and looks up at his sister. 

"I'm gonna have to find another Cowboy, aren't I?" 

[milkybunbuns]

smile → kita.s

Map reading tragedy - 6

w/c: 1.1 K

warnings: none

SMILE MASTERLIST

-

it was the day that every second and third year in the volleyball team dreaded, or at least you thought so. finally, sunday had come and it was the day when yui would be moving away. spirits were still kept high though, as everyone wandered through the beautiful streets of hyogo, clad in thick fur jackets, beanies, scarves and mittens. you held onto your beanie as a particularly harsh gust of wind passed by, threatening to blow your hat away and to carry it far off into the distance.

"atsumu, are you sure we're heading in the right direction? we've been walking for the past 15 minutes and this park is only supposed to be 5 minutes away."

"of course we're going in the right direction, i'm great at following directions!"

"atsumu-san. hand over the map", kita gestured for the map a creepy blank look implanted on his face making everyone sweat drop. atsumu handed over the map without any thought, not wanting to disappoint his captain. kita inspected the map for a few seconds, quickly coming up to the reason as to why it was taking so long. "you were holding the map upside down."

this sent the second years and most of the third years into a fit of laughter. "only tsumu' would do something so dumb!"

"oh my god, i think this actually has made my life worthwhile, i think i'm crying-"

"don't worry atsumu! better luck not being an idiot next time, you'll need all the luck you can get!"

"how is this even possible. how can one be so stupid to do something like that", yui deadpanned, facepalming while opening up a map app on her phone. "the park is all the way back there, this time, ya'll will be following me, we cant let a bunch of dummies minus kita-san take the map."

----

"uhm yui-san, i hate to tell you, but it's been like 20 minutes and we're still not there yet", you popped into her field of vision, your voice covering the annoyed grumbling ones of everyone else. kita was tasked with holding the picnic basket since everyone else would just eat all the food before even arriving at the destination. no one even dared try to grab a piece of bread from inside to fill their hunger, too afraid to do so.

"are you sure it's been 20 minutes?"

"yeah, everyone is getting hungry."

"it can't be much further, just another 5 minutes."

"okay", you retreated back to the end of the group beside kita, to make sure no one got lost or was left behind.

"so how was it?", he asked, eyes still staring straight ahead.

"yui-san said that it'll only be another 5 minutes."

"alright."

----

"ermmm where are we?"

"uhhh"

"this isn't a park."

"no shit sherlock."

"yes, call me sherlock atsumu."

"ew, that sounds so dumb. at least i don't have to share a family name with you now."

"my name is sherlock miya atsumu."

"that's even worse."

"awww, just admit you love the name as you're jealous you're not a sherlock."

"what person in the right mind would be jealous of you?"

"plenty of people!"

"from your imagination?"

"noo, you're one of them."

"sure."

"osamu. atsumu."

"yes, sorry kita-san!"

"yui-san, please hand over your map", kita gestured for the map, "the location that has been set is wrong. we were meant to take a left as a street 17 minutes ago. we've been going in the wong direction for a long time."

"o-oh, sorry."

"I'll take the map. it's for the best, clearly."

----

the group finally stepped out into a beautiful open area, children gleefully running around, a glimmering lake in the middle of it all with multiple stalls selling various bits and bobs set up near it.

"finally! i knew we could rely on ya kita-senpai", you smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder gently.

"i am sure that any of us would've been able to do it eventually", he replied bluntly, completely missing the point of what you had said. why couldn't he just say thanks or something?

"of course of course, whatever you say kita-senpai", you mocked, rushing off towards the lake first, spreading your arms out and letting the wind blow against your face as you ran backwards, tumbling onto the grass. laying down, you allowed yourself to make grass angels and was soon joined by atsumu who copied your moves. then came akagi and suna who made a grass human, not bothered to move and too just plop down onto the grass. how had you gotten so close and easy going with the team within a week of knowing them, minus osamu? kita, being the oh-so responsible captain had laid down the mat and was beginning to set up the various plates of food, with yui helping as everyone else wandered off.

"kita-senpai, come play with me at the swings!"

"aren't we a bit too old?"

"aw don't be a downer! pleeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeee? you can set up the food later!"

"y/n-chan is right kita-san, I'll take care of the food, you guys enjoy yourselves."

"i can't, this is supposed to be for you and yet you're doing all the work."

"it's fine, you're helping me by making my favourite ship sail!"

"i dont understand how hanging out with y/n-san will make a ship sail?"

"aiyo, just go already lah", yui said, pushing kita towards you, who was eagerly waiting by the swings. kita moved over to you robotically, looking at you judgingly, but you seemed unfazed by it.

"push me?", you asked him, holding tightly onto the chains holding the swings up, feet not quite reaching the floor, allowing you to swing your feet back and forth.

"okay", he complied, beginning to gently push you forwards by your back, "hold on tightly."

"mhm, i will", you smiled brightly like a child on Christmas eve, rejoicing in the feeling of childhood. kita began to push the swing gently, just enough for a romantic atmosphere, without pushing you to the point where you would feel nauseous. if only this could last forever

"what did you say l/n-san?"

"huh? i didn't say anything and didn't i tell you to call me y/n?"

"sorry, I'll keep that in mind, but you did mention something about lasting forever?"

"oh that. ill be straight forwards with you. i wish that we can be together forever."

"mmm..."

"I'll miss you after you graduate. it might sound a bit odd coming from someone you've only known for a week, but i feel like I've known you forever."

"it's not odd at all, we won't ever judge you."

"since when have you been so sentimental?"

"i'm just stating the facts."

"well then, i look forward to cracking a smile out of you."

"of course", he nodded as you got off the swing, hands behind your back and grinning, before rushing off towards yui where all the food was laid out and ready to enjoy.

[wanderingtrash]

Adore you

Part two to Chèrie

//

Walk in your rainbow paradise (Paradise)

Strawberry lipstick state of mind (State of mind)

I get so lost inside your eyes

Would you believe it?

There again Y/N found herself. On her oh so familiar white couch that was placed pushed up against the wall of her living room. The walls of her white living room that is. Her body was clad with a baby pink take top and her legs were dressed with a pair of black adida leggings. After such a rough few days she finally got the courage to reply to Harry’s message to her. The voicemail he sent her while she was in the midst of crying and hearing the voice of his ex in the form of a fucking song. Y/N wasn’t going to lie and say she wasn’t hurt or angry. Because she very much was. However Harry did nothing to her-per say. If anything he saved her from pain by breaking up with her until he could get himself figured out and how he was feeling. So he could give that woman as much love as he could without him having to deal with the memories of his ex.

To many that wouldn’t be so great, especially when you loved your ex boyfriend in the months of your relationship. And you DID still love him.

A soft sigh escaped Y/N’s lips. It had been a long day no doubt (not really, but to Y/N it seemed like. Laundry, gym, and then the dishes were quite exhausting if you asked her). Her heart pounded as she saw the flash of Harry’s name across her phone. The wallpaper of her glass iPhone was that of a simple pretty sunflower. It took Y/N a while to figure out how many songs in Harry’s new album were written about her. Or at least the ones she knew of. Sunflower was one and she knew it because that’s the nickname Harry gave her the first month of their relationship. Once he had found out about her undying love of sunflowers that is.

“Why ‘ave you got these things all around your front yard?” Harry chuckled as he entered her home. His dimples smile so bright. He looked happy and content with his life. A bag of groceries in his hand. The smell of vanilla and rose petals embraced his nostrils. His girl did have a way with scents. Especially fruits. The man had come by her house to cook her some dinner as work had infested her day and Harry refused to go to sleep without knowing she ate a proper meal.

“They are not things Harry, they’re my sunflowers. Planted them a couple of day’s ago and they’re already flourishing aren’t they?” Y/N hummed as she lit some candles on the living room. Her obsession with cleaning made for a roomy and welcoming environment in her home. “Besides, it’s nearly that time of month where sunflowers are in season. I’d be a fool not to plant my favorite flowers.” His girlfriend spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You’re my sunflower all year round though”

Closing her eyes and feeling the pit of her stomach ache as she read the message wasnt something Y/N preferred. She could be snuggled on her couch watching a Christmas movie instead of sitting on her couch nearly wanting to vomit. Her leg shook and she finally unlocked her phone. Clicking on the iMessage app.

‘I’ll be there in a few minutes, traffic in LA is bad today xx H ’

A small roll of her eyes to keep herself from smiling at the small ‘H’ he always put next to his messages as if she didn’t know who has texting her. It was one of those few things that made her love Harry that much more. He was never awful to her. In fact he was the best boyfriend and lover Y/N could’ve asked for. He was amazing in every way. And not just in a emotional type way, but in every physical aspect too.

“Jesus Christ...” Y/N inhaled shakily as she looked up at her clock. It was rush hour in LA, nearly 4 pm. Meaning people were going home from their jobs or even stopping by for some quick lunch or early dinner with their loved ones. What could she reply to him? Hadn’t spoken to him in nearly 9 months. What could she reply? A simply ok would seem too blunt and she wanted to give him an earful when he came for sure. Let him know how pained she was. What she couldn’t tell him before he left for his vacation to Japan after they had broken up. Because now Y/N had time to gather her thoughts, listen to all the songs, and finally learn from a long break of not speaking to him how many issues he himself had been dealing with at the time. As well as just how much of an impact in Harry’s heart Camille’s actions had torn.

There wasn’t much she could do now except hear Harry out. At least in that way she could tell him how she was feeling as well and wouldn’t have to carry a burden of wondering hat would happen if she didn’t get to speak to him.

In what seemed like years for Y/N which was basically only 10 minutes max a knock on her door distracted her from her thoughts. Really her just singing Sunflower for the 100th time in her head (but that was besides the point). A lump in the woman’s throat formed. Tears stung her eyes as she knew who was at the other side. The knock wasn’t rough or loud. But instead soft and gentle. As if the man she loved was trying to let her know that he came with nothing but new energy and a new attitude just for her. Y/N didn’t know that though.

You don't have to say you love me

You don't have to say nothing

You don't have to say you're mine

As Y/N’s knees wobbled and her head felt itself get lighter each second she walked across her living room and her feet touched the soft white carpet under her, it made thinking difficult. She as afraid she would cry all over again in front of him. Because quite frankly Y/N had enough of crying. Her hand finally reached the knob of her front door.

‘Come on Y/N you can do this, stop it’ She mentally scolded herself. With one more huff, Y/N finally yanked the door open. The sun radiated behind the man standing infront of her door. The palm trees moved gently with the LA air too. Harry Styles. The man whom she had loved with her whole heart like it’s the only thing she’d ever done stood at her door step. Wide green eyes full of regret and maybe just a little hope. Wearing a number she wasn’t familiar with as his fashion sense had grown Y/N had learned to see from articles and of course from his Met Gala appearance. It was simple, and so Harry. Y/N hated to admit that she loved it.

His hair had grown out, he looks healthier. Much healthier. He had grown muscles, he had a radiance that she had kind of missed when they were together. He was all in all better. And the pearl necklace around his neck just seemed to sum it all up. Harry Styles had emotionally grown.

Harry could do nothing but offer his ex girlfriend a smile. His eyes crinkled up like she remembered they did and his dimples made deep caverns in his cheeks that were adorned with a stubble. “Hello...” Harry started off. And I’m his point of view the woman in front of him looked Godly. She was amazing in every way and not in just her looks although he loved that about her so much as well. But her overall radiance. He sure had missed her a lot, more than a lot actually.

“Harry” Y/N acknowledged him as she moved to the side. Her hand grabbing the door knob still as if she was using it as a defense mechanism in case she would have to shut the door if things got too much.

Harry placed his hands in his pant pockets as walked in. He didn’t deserve to be back in her home, the same hike in which they shared so many memories. And Harry only hoped they could continue to create many more. Nothing much had changed from what he could see. The curtains were new, but the soft white carpet was still the same, and so were her couches and some of her furniture. One obvious change was photos of them together were no longer up. Even some of the one’s Anne had gifted Y/N of Harry when he was just an itty bitty baby. The man wondered if maybe she had burned them, threw them out, hell maybe she had given them back to Anne. He didn’t know- and Harry wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

They both consciously sat down on Y/N’s couch. Harry looked ashamed and Y/N didn’t look much better. Every fiber of her being and brain was trying to put a hault in her tears as if to warn her that crying would not fix anything. Instead it would just add more fire to a fuel that had been burning for as long as she could remember. Or more specifically 9 months.

“I didn’t come here to ask for you to be in my life again.” Harry spoke after he had coughed into his hand. His fingers rings galore. A H and an S on one hand and a red ruby ring and a rose ring in the other. “I know that’s a privilege that I lost a long time ago when I decided to break up with you in the time that I did. I’m not here to tell you that I love you because as much as I do I don’t think that means shit to you now, and I’m not here to...” Harry sighed and wiped a quick tear away from his eye. It was too late because Y/N had already seen it fall. It made her chest tighten even more. “M’ not here to reminisce in memories that we had, because in my time in Japan while writing this new album I think it was very edvident that I was still thinking about you- amongst other things as well. Y/N I’m just here because I left with no explanation other than the pain that Camille left me with. I didn’t get a chance to pour my heart out to you as my heart at the time was still aching with something else that had absolutely nothing to do with you. N’ it wasn’t fair to keep you in a relationship with me in that state.”

Y/N nodded. Her hands held eachother for dear life, as if she didn’t her whole world would fall apart around her. But she knew it already had.

“I’m so fucking sorry Y/N.” Harry’s voice cracked. His breathing got heavy, swollowimg a heavy lump that formed in his throat only did so much.

Honey (Ah-ah-ah)

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Oh, honey (Ah-ah-ah)

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do

“I’m sorry for everything, I’m sorry for leaving you with nothing but your own doubts that I loved her more than you, because I swear to you that’s far from the truth.” Harry said sadly. His eyes were already red. His hands played with his rings. “I just had something in my heart from my relationship with her and I didn’t know what is was until I got away from you. I didn’t know how much I wasn’t giving you my all until I heard that voicemail from her again and it made me feel...nauseous. I’m so fucking sorry you had to hear it in that song dedicated to her. I’m sorry. It was the only way I could deal with it and move on.” Harry begged her, and he didn’t know why he was begging her he just was.

It was quite again, for only a few seconds but it was quiet. All Y/N could hear was Harry’s weak sobs and his rings clinking against eachother as he played with them.

Until finally it was her turn to speak.

“I don’t blame you for still feeling the impacts of her and your relationship with her. That’s far from why I was so upset and angry.” Y/N said. She looked up at Harry. His face was contorted with pain and sadness. It was hard to see a man that was always so silly and always so loving be so sad and angry at himself.

“It’s not your fault that you felt the way you did even in our relationship. And I won’t lie to you and say that I didn’t hurt like a bitch because it one hundred percent did hurt to know you still felt some way about her, but that pain was nothing compared to feeling like maybe I wasn’t enough, like our relationship wasn’t enough.” She heard Harry let out a sort of whimper that sounded like it was full of pain. “I asked myself that night you left for Japan what I could’ve done right...when I heard you in that song beg her not to call him baby...I wondered if maybe when I called you that I reminded you of her.” Y/N let a soft sob escape her lips.

‘Way to go Y/N, you’re crying again’ she thought to herself.

“For fuck’s sake Harry, you talked about her in that interview with Zane Lowe just a few weeks ago and for the first time you addressed her as your ex girlfriend. I don’t know what hurts more, loving you so much it hurts even after this or questioning your true love for me after all these months.” Y/N said softly as she looked down at her hands. The poor woman was just broken, and she was so hurt it aches her heart to see him like this but it aches even more to know how much he was hurting in the time of their relationship. “But Harry I realized that it wasn’t me, it was never me. It’s not my fault this happened and that you felt this way. It was a tough pill to swallow to admit that to myself.”

You're wonder under summer sky (Summer sky)

Brown skin and lemon over ice

Would you believe it?

“I know...I know, m’a fuck up. She was the first serious relationship I had. Then you came and you made me view that what I thought was a perfect relationship with her, was nothing of the sort.” Harry croaked out. He fixed his view on the floor and shook his head. A pity laugh at himself escaped his lips. Camille hurt him but he hurt Y/N more. What did that say about him?

When he found out she wanted to break up it stung. Camille had been on tour with him and they had the time of their lives. He truly thought he found the love of his life. After the break up he found out she had been talking to someone the entirety of the tour. And she left him for that Grecian billionaire.

“Harry do you think I’ll just be smiling finding out everything you’ve admired through those fucking songs?” Y/N said angrily. “Saying that you miss her and that you still talk to her friends?!” Y/N yelled. She was in so much pain. So, so much pain. Harry winced but he sniffed and nodded. Those were feelings from long ago, but he had to let her take her anger out. Something that had been coupled up inside her for months. He could name the songs he wrote about Y/N, because as much as she didn’t know most of this songs are about her.

She, is about their secret sexual innuendos in the beginning of their relationship. When her and Harry would have sex at least five times a day in the comfort of some hotel before they went back to their lives, because both of them didn’t want anyone to know. And Harry would daydream about the days until he could have her again.

Watermelon Sugar, is about how amazing she tastes when he would go down on her. And he would suckled on her sweet nectar. The reference to berries is because that’s her favorite fruit. And Harry always told her that’s how she tasted. Told her it made him high especially because her taste was just so amazing. He would often find his hand down his sleeping pants while his head would be tossed back in a hotel room in Japan as he vigorously rubbing his hand up and down his cock thinking about her and the sexual escapades they had together. And after he would feel like absolute shit because he truly does love that woman and she was probably hurting while he was thinking about her in such an intimate way, he had no right.

Adore you, Sunflower, Golden, Canyon Moon, Fine Line. They were all about her. Just that one song Cherry, was about Camille. And Falling had regencies to both of them but mostly Y/N. Because truth be told Harry thought about the perfect woman in front of him throughout his getaway in Japan.

“I don’t deserve you and I know that, I was hurting Sunflower, I don’t know what you want me to say. I-“ Harry paused and looked at Y/N. Who no longer looked angry but she did look like she was ready to kick him out of her house. Maybe it was betrayal what she was feeling, and Harry never felt more like shit in his entire life. “I still love you a lot. I’ve finally gotten over her, I had gotten over her it’s just...she hurt me a lot and I needed time.” Harry mumbled to Y/N.

“I never stopped loving you, you big dummy.”

You don't have to say you love me

I just wanna tell you somethin'

Lately, you've been on my mind

Honey (Ah-ah-ah)

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Oh, honey (Ah-ah-ah)

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

It's the only thing I'll ever do

Harry felt a sigh of relief escape his body at the realization by his love. His heart filled with heaviness was light and suddenly he felt himself smile through through teary eyes. Y/N scooted clsoer to him and she sobbed into his chest.

She just missed him so god damn much.

And he was just so filled with love.

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Oh, honey (Ah-ah-ah)

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do (Ah-ah-ah)

(It's the only thing I'll ever do, it's the only thing I'll ever do)

I'd walk through fire for you (It's the only thing I'll ever do)

Just let me adore you

Oh, honey (Ah-ah-ah), oh, honey

(It's the only thing I'll ever do, it's the only thing I'll ever do)

I'd walk through fire for you (It's the only thing I'll ever do)

Just let me adore you (It's the only thing I'll ever do)

[taetaespeaches]

From the creators of “Lydia found out she can upload pictures and gifs into your ask box” here comes “Lydia found out she can submit text and stop spamming you with so many asks”.

Because, my love, get ready, this is really something. And I’m sending it today because I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, I’ll work half day and then I’ll go get new glasses because your girl is going blind and annoyed.

Please just answer this whenever you want, no pressure, this is.. a lot. I’m sorry in advance.

First of all, my data finished because of tete’s vlive, I didn’t noticed they were on instead of my wifi, I felt so stupid lol, but girl DID YOU SEE, is it me or does he looks more mature and holy shit so sexy ?????? what the fuck Taehyung, I’m actually asking, what the fuck? I want to know what is up with the fuck.

In other news, Jin and poopsie are moving in together. I’m in love and I’m totally Peaches chasing down that cup to put it in the trash. I do that, does Peaches also slow down when a pigeon is walking in front of her? bc I do that, they just don’t care and I’m like ok fine pigeon go ahead, they’re funny lol- but that was just lovely, I can’t stop thinking about how GOOD tae looks, although I laughed bc if there’s something my mom hates is when anyone makes noises while eating and Tae is the master of it. I kid you not, my mom wants to slap me and gets SO angry when I do it (I do it just to mess with her lol) but yeah, I’ve shown her videos of tae eating like that and she’s like NO, GOD NO! it’s so funny! because she loves him and doesn’t want to see him doing that, I think he looks adorable and maybe I would slap him too but hey, he enjoys food. He a baby. Must protect.

And in other/other news, you killed me with hobi/petal because I started writing this right before you post that and now I’m just adding it in here: you killed me because, I was just starting to go about those pandemic and awful year topic, I was reading it in the bathroom and I almost cry, my precious babies!! T_T and OH! how much I want to go for a walk! I need it, yesterday I walked a little, but didn’t enjoy it, we were just getting lost looking for the pizza place.

But srsly, walking is so good ??, months ago I could feel my anxiety burning my soul, it was awful and one morning on my way to work we always saw people exercising and stuff and I realized all I wanted to do was RUN. so we started going for walks in the afternoon after I got off work (we stopped for a while bc A LOT OF SHIT HAPPENED) but that first day I walked like no one else lol, I could feel my thighs crying but hell I wasn’t stopping, and I just felt so so so so much better! it was amazing.

Well, there ya go, a health tip: go for walks, if you have a dog I think it’s better, I saw so many dogs I was thriving lol. Now my knees are killing me because they do nothing but sit all day.

But yeah, as I was saying: Liv, I’ve missed you, and I would love to say that it was because I’ve been busy or doing something fruitful BUT NO, I’ve been like a zombie these past 2 weeks because I’ve slept till late some nights and everything’s weird, christmas was fun but also weird, my cousin couldn’t be home bc covid and it’s just weird, then I couldn’t see my bf till yesterday bc he was sick (not covid), and I don’t know, it’s like everything is fine but it still feels weird, you know? Petal says this shitty year is coming to an end but damn if I enjoyed the fact that I found Bts, I don’t remember what it was like before and I don’t care.

I’m so grateful, I was a big one direction fan, but I can’t compare, you know? I was younger, I was in school, I was a different person. And now, I’m still young *cough*, but I’m not in school, I have a job and I’m different, and in a lot of moments when I need it, BTS say “hey, love yourself!” every chance they get! and even if there are a lot more moments when I think “I can’t, nope, not now” I probably don’t love myself like I should, but I can say that I WANT TO, and I never make new year’s resolutions, I don’t want it to be a “I’ll do it next year” thing, but maybe I’ll take that will and aspire for something. This year Covid was the least of my problems, family, friendships and relationships have been fucking HARD and I am freaking scared, not gonna lie, there are a lot of things I have to think about, to decide and act on. But I’m also grateful I have other friendships that I got to renew and helped me keep going. So so grateful.

And I’m so grateful for you, I’m happy I found you because believe me when I say you helped a lot too. Just the thought that I can come here and express whatever thing, whatever novel I write for you: from how sexy I think Hobi is - to also have the trust and talk about anything else, even when we don’t really know each other, I don’t expect to get anything back from you but I get so much and it’s refreshing so THANK YOU for that.

I got a little cheesy, I want to cry. But I mean it. I appreciate the hell out of you and your existence. This is me, I can start by saying Hey Tae’s so sexy and finish with I love you, Liv. I wish you forever happiness.

Happy new year, queen!! 🍾

Here’s a picture of my Christmas tree last night with it’s new lights because the ones I bought last year failed on me and I was so angry I went to amazon and bought these for 25 dlls! - And a picture of my cat (her name is Spinelli) from last christmas, because well… I thought the world should see her, she cute.

(I promise I won’t do this often, I’ll send normal asks. I just thought it would be easier lol)

Stay safe ♥

Hello my lovely Lydia!! I’m cackling about what you said about Tae because those are my constant thoughts lmao. Like how in the fuck is this man so sexy??? And he has that intensity about him just my fucking god Kim Taehyung. The man you are today, sir. I am quite literally in love with him. Also I’m giggling at your mom’s reaction to how he eats- I can definitely see how it would annoy some people haha. I adore the way he eats, the pout :(( he looks so pure when he’s eating I just wanna kiss his cheeks lol. 

Yay for Jin and Poopsie!!! And honestly, Peaches is so relatable for the quirky little things she does and how embarrassed she gets for doing them lol. She probably would stop for pigeons- also that’s adorable, you’re cute. 

I’m glad you discovered that walking makes you feel good and healthy!! It definitely does, I need to start working out more in general. I used to be really consistent but ugh this pandemic has killed all motivation for fitness haha. 

I’ve missed you too!! I definitely understand the zombie-like state, with the end of the year along with a pandemic and then just regular day to day life, it’s a miracle any of us are functioning these days. And exactly, even though it was a shitty year, I hope there’s something we can all be thankful for or look back at as a positive. Find those dang silver linings!! Mine would be that I got more in touch with myself again. I think I’m finally on track for being enough for myself and being my own source of strength and happiness and that was my goal for this year. So even though this year fucked us all up quite a bit, at least I have that. And of course, always thankful to bts lol. I can’t believe I’ve been a fan for three years now, how fucking crazy is that?! 

I’m sorry this year was tough on you beyond COVID, I’m wishing for better times for you in the new year. You absolutely deserve to love yourself and I hope you get to the point where that can be true. But honestly, wanting to do so is fucking fabulous. Keep going, Lyd! 

Lastly!! I’m so so so grateful that you found my blog and actually sent me asks, like oh my god I love seeing you pop up in my notifications and inbox. It makes me so happy. You’re an amazing person, my love, and I’m very thankful to know you. Thank you for not only supporting my work but for being an absolute gem to talk to!! I adore you <3 thank you for your friendship, even if just on this silly app. I hope you’re happy this year and beyond! 

p.s. your tree is so pretty and YOUR CAT IS THE CUTEST LITTLE FLUFF BALL I LOVE HER!!! Give sweet lil Spinelli a cuddle for me <3 

[shmisolo]

For Anyone Looking for Not-Super-Angsty-Stuff

I’m compiling mine (or at least the less-angsty stuff) into one list for ya.  

Seen ✔️✔️ 

His lock screen has three texts from Rey on it:

Rey Wife: Babe I know you’re probably busy right now, but you sent that pic to the wrong chat. Rey Wife: Bennnnnnn Rey Wife: Call me when you’re done processing your trauma.

And then about ninety chats from the Skywalker Ranch WhatsApp thread.

--

In which Ben sends a picture to the wrong chat.

The Sweater Curse

She’s never made a sweater before, but she saw the pattern on Ravelry and who cares if she’s only made (lumpy) hats before—she has to try it.  She has to make it. She has to make it for Ben.

“You realize that Hannukah isn’t an important holiday, right?” Ben asks as she makes eye contact with him.  His eyes are big and brown and—at this moment—mildly annoyed.

“Really?  Is it a giant conspiracy theory?  Part of the war on Christmas?”

“More than you realize,” Ben says and for the life of her she can’t tell if he’s joking.  He does this thing sometimes that’s confusing—where he’ll say something that sounds mopey but is actually snarky and it disarms her every damn time.  “In any event, ugly Hanukkah sweaters definitely aren’t a thing the way ugly Christmas sweaters are.”

“Well, they are now,” Rey says firmly.  “I’m making you an ugly Hanukkah sweater.  Deal with it. And stop moving.”

it's you and me (i know it's our destiny) 

It’s just a kid’s game, he thinks when jealousy pangs in his heart. But it’s more than just a kid’s game.

It’s Pokémon.

It’s the only good thing in his life.

Shalom Rav!

In which Rey comes to terms realizing that she is attracted to the rabbi.

Apples and Honey

When Ben catches wind that his mother is planning to foist a potential girlfriend on him when he comes home for Rosh Hashanah, he takes matters into his own hands: specifically, he runs to Rey and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend.

atlanta > all atlanta > community > missed connections

In which Rey meets a cosplayer at DragonCon. 

Two to Tango

Rey: I need to ask you something awkward. Ben: What’s up? Rey: Can I give you a blowjob? Please?

Bang for your Buck

“We ready?” he asks her, sounding huffy.

“Nice to meet you Ben, I’m just familiarizing myself with your training,” she replies.

“Ok, well I don’t have all day.”

“No, you have,” she checks her watch, “another hour.” Because of course he’d booked an extra long session. Bless that sweet, sweet overtime pay.

“And you’re sure you know what you’re doing?” he asks her and she glances up at him, sure that her eyes are flashing because that’s fucking rude. She’s a professional. Amilyn wouldn’t have hired her if she didn’t know what she’s doing, and just because he apparently thinks he’s the center of the universe doesn’t change that fact.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your bang for your buck,” she tells him icily.

A Picture's Worth

reyjay: hiya your art is amazing

reyjay: it’s a big ask but could you draw me for my art final tomorrow? i’m shit at drawing people and i can’t fail this. can you help?

He stares.

And stares.

And stares.

kyloren: is this some kind of a joke?

reyjay: no?? why??

kyloren: you’re asking me to help you cheat your exam, but you’re not even offering me money?

Forged

There are several reasons that Ben would never have dreamed he’d ever receive this text. The first is that he’d be invited to a Halloween party. The second is that he’d never in his life expected to be in a serious relationship, much less the sort of serious relationship where his partner would suggest matching Halloween costumes. And the last is that he is dating someone who’s show only and they’ve only almost murdered one another twice. Because he’s an A Song of Ice and Fire fan. He hates Game of Thrones.

(Not) Interested

We're bringing Speed Dating back to Space Battles Bonanza! Register online for one of our special Bonanza sessions of 15 three-minute dates so you’ll no longer have to look for love in a galaxy far far away. Choose from one of seven speed dating sessions, two of which are queer focused. If the Insurgents can blow up the Doom Moon in 11 minutes, let’s see if you can make a love connection in only three.

There’s a history of successful Speed Dating at Space Battles Bonanzas, with long-term couples, engagements and marriages now among the alumni.

--

In which Rey & Kylo meet at their fancon's speed dating.

do or do not (do the do)

In which Ben, in an effort to improve his stamina (look he's making progress, ok?) after reading some articles that he'll never be able to unread, receives some coaching (that he very much did not ask for).

(Very much did not ask for.)

A for... 

Rey’s seeing double by the time there’s food on her plate. Oh. There’s food on her plate. That’s good. That’s unexpected at this point. “Eat,” Ben tells her.

So she does. It tastes good. Very good. She likes this food a lot.

“I’ll make sure she knows,” Ben says.

Oh she’s at that point of drunk where she’s just saying things out loud instead of keeping them in her internal monologue.

“You are,” Ben says, looking very amused.

She hopes she doesn’t say anything embarrassing.

“I promise, you haven’t yet, but oh boy, I’m looking forward to this.”

She shoves food into her mouth to keep herself from thinking out loud about his dick in her ass at his mother’s Passover seder.

The Love Committee 

In which Rey, tired of her bad luck with dating apps and failed relationships, enlists her friends' help in determining who she should date next.

They take it a little too seriously.

💦💦💦💦 

In which Ben accidentally implies that he gets his cardio from having sex on national television.

You, Me, and He

When they say that Kylo's brain is in his groin, they're not far from the truth.

Alternatively,

In which Kylo Ren is his own penis.

and beyond 

“Please?”

For a moment, he thinks it will be like the first time, him begging, her crying and saying no and him not knowing how to protect his crushed heart.

But she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t say, “Please don’t go this way,” she doesn’t look horrified or disgusted. She just grabs him by the front of his shirt and tugs his lips down to hers before reaching down to cup his cock.

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves)

A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

myosotis 

Ben picked the flowers for their wedding.

The Kitchen

Rey and Ben, hunting for their first house.

Investiture 

In which Ben goes to daven for his father’s yahrtzeit and manages to prove to himself once again that he is both a terrible person and a terrible Jew.

Oh and he sort of falls in love.

The Sweetest Thing 

A post-coital trip to Waffle House.

with you i shall play

And when it's dry and ready, then Ben's dick Rey shall play.

Everything to Prove

“The show,” he says. “It’s probably best if they don’t—if we don’t—”

And Rey follows his line of thought at once. For all the program is one that doesn’t seem melodramatic—the height of drama in previous seasons came from someone’s cake falling over and that was about it—she does not doubt that the producers and cameramen would leap at the opportunity to make there be something out of nothing in their relationship—especially if there was something out of something.

��Yeah,” she agrees. “Yeah, probably. We can pick baking stations that are…” but she doesn’t want to complete the thought. She likes baking next to Ben.

“Or we can just be careful?” he suggests, sounding quite as pained by the prospect as Rey feels.

“Yeah, careful. I can do careful,” Rey says at once and her lips are on his again and he’s laughing now, and she’s laughing, and she didn’t think laughter would be part of all this. She didn’t think it could be. But here she is, laughing and kissing and holding a man who, at some point, she’s going to want to beat.

She does her best not to think of that now.

It’s a friendly competition, after all.

It’s not life and death.

It’s baking.

Brightblades 

In which Rey learns about a startling kink of her new boyfriend, and in which, much later, they roleplay it.

The Knotting Shop 

Ben realizes upon entering the shop that he had gotten the complete wrong impression from the name of it.

What the fuck sort of shop calls itself The Knotting Shop if it’s not about, well, knotting?

The answer, apparently, is a knitter with a sense of humor. An Omega, by the scent that seems to have landed in every colorful ball of yarn in the shop and which hits him right in the groin.

Let Go (Never Let Me Go) 

In which Rey swipes right on Ben, 35. Probably too much of an asshole for you, but my therapist is trying to convince me that assholes deserve love too, so here’s me on Tinder, and it does not proceed as she expects.

crossfade (cursed and blessed)

The Talmud states that on Purim one is to drink to the point of not knowing the difference between “cursed is Haman” and “blessed is Mordechai.” In other words, you’re supposed to get so blitzed you can’t tell your friends from your enemies. Rey and Ben might be taking this a little too literally at Leia’s annual Purim Party.

Kind Stranger

Ben stares at the text for a minute before opening up his computer and typing “+7793 area code” into his web search. Jakku. Of course he wouldn’t have recognized it. He confessed himself surprised to know that Jakku even had an area code. Did people still live in Jakku?

#kylothekiller 

It’s not the first time that Rey has seen Kylo pop up in her Fido stream, but it is the first time she’s clicked on him fast enough to be scheduled for a meet and greet with dog and owner on Saturday.

All Bets Are Off 

“Fake girlfriend. What does that even mean?” Ben asks her.

Rey rests a hand on his arm, feeling the muscles underneath his sleeve. “Babe,” she says, leaning close to him. “It means we pretend we’re madly in love. Think you can pull that off for your office pool?” Ben’s eyes flicker softly between each of hers and he swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

[marvel-ousnesss]

The pirate and the witch (part four)

Pairing: Harry Hook x daughter of narissa!reader

Summary: Y/N, an orphan vk who was taken to auradon at a young age, returns to her old home by request of the crown prince. However, things tend to go south at the Isle of the Lost.

Warning: Mild cursing, use of alcohol, sword fighting (no super detailed descriptions)

Word count: 4460(ish)

A:/N: happy Christmas Eve eve!!!  Finally done with part four and turns out I ended up writing a plot that flows slower than intended (oops). I’m sorry for the wait but I’ve been sort of busy with holiday-related procrastination. Also…. I’m working on a request and a Bucky royal au which I’ll be posting soon. As always, lots and lots of love and thanks for reading ❤️ Pls tell me what you think.

(BTW… there’s a flashback at the end, it’s in italics.)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE DISNEY DESCENDANTS CHARACTERS, THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN CHARACTERS NOR THE SANDERSON SISTERS. All credit goes to the creators, writers, and producers. Same with the HP charms, credit goes to J.K Rowling (for now, just present in the first parts).

part one        part two      part three      mobile masterlist

— Oi, lass, lass,— a familiar intone is heard when I open the window.

To my surprise, I spot Harry behind a trash container, with my cloak resting on his right shoulder.

When he sees my head peeking out of the second floor window, he pipes, — if you wanted to see me again, you should’ve just asked.

— Who says I wanted to see you, that was a hint for Gil to find.

He snickers at my words,— ya gaunnie come get yer manky cloak, or do I have to go up there?

—Shit, — I breathe — Just a second!

I close the window and look at Jay, who quirks a brow but doesn’t move from his spot on my desk. He began to explore my sketchbook app a few minutes ago, and seems to be completely immersed in it. Nevertheless, he puts the device down and chuckles, — This is you’re place, you know. Say the word and I’ll be out.

His words take me by surprise. Even if he’s been here for a few hours, I still can’t get completely used to the idea of such dangerous people, who are feared to death back home, being as decent and friendly as they have been during my stay here.

So, after a brief goodbye, he leaves and, after all of my Auradon-related stuff, I open the window once again.

— You already came all the way here, what’s a few steps up.

He’s about to make his way up the fire escape but, after a few steps toward it, he crosses his arms and says, — Yer right, I came to yer place, don’t I deserve a prize?

He’s such a flirt. After debating it with myself for a second, I make up my mind.

— Come here and get it, — I wink.

Without a second thought, he runs up the stairs outside the building and reaches my window in no time. What I’m I doing? No one was supposed to find out about this place, yet I’ve brought two vks here in just a day. I try to keep my cool as the pirate walks toward me, stopping about a foot away.

He smirks, —So, doll, ‘bout me prize.

I feel the heat in my cheeks when he takes a small step closer, placing a hand on the side of my waist.

—oh, right… that,——

Think fast, think fast….

I smile at him sweetly and kiss his right cheek, retrieving my cloak from his shoulder. — your welcome, — I smirk.

He laughs at my antics, — yer kidding? Don’t ya say that’s it! Glaickit of ya to think I’ll leave with just that.

—Who says you have to leave?— I utter the words while stepping back in order to sit on my bed.

His brows jump up and his ocean blue eyes shine with mischief and surprise. — What’d you suggest, doll.

— Staying here for a while but, now that I think of it, wouldn’t it be more fun to go out? The docks, maybe?

— Nah, depends on what you want to do. — his words keep coming out laced with an air of innuendo.

Not wanting to give up yet, I decide to play coy. — You know, the usual; take a walk, grab a bite, ‘keep the heid’, don’t you have to do rounds?

This time, it is a mix of mischief and excitement that floods him. — Yer right, can’t wait to see the faces of those wingnut vampires when ya scare the shit outta them!

— yeah… I’m thrilled.

Why did I suggest this, of all possible things to do? The question seems to be trapped in my mind. Ever since we left the apartment, Harry began to show a new side of himself, one that I had only seen in the papers I read beforehand.

He invited me to do his rounds with him, on the way to the docks and, needless to say, my magic resulted completely useless when it came to achieving the level of fear that Harry had in mind.

— Not so badass now? bastard, — he hisses, with a smirk on his face as his hook grabs some guy by the jacket. — whatcha gonna do?

The guy limits himself to whimper and let out some sort of cry. Given that the pirate has already grabbed everything that caught his eye, together with the designated amount of golden coins, the business there is dimmed as finished and we finally  begin walking to Ursula’s.

—So what ya think, see yourself doing this with me and the crew?— he asks.

—Not really, not one for all of the intimidating.

— Ain’t so sure ‘bout that, lassie. You’ve done pretty well for what I’ve seen. — it is kind of weird to hear such words coming from him; even more so when sincerity is all across his handsome features.

I snicker, — yeah, right; I can’t even get a fly to run away.

His chin lifts up and his chest comes forward subtly, — I’d help you with that, if you decided to join us. In fact, — he wiggles his brows with a smirk, — I’d train you.

— As tempting as that sounds, I’ll have to decline, Hook. Got better things to do:

I shouldn’t even think twice about declining but something about exploring my vk side a bit further than I’ve been able to doesn’t sound completely crazy. Maybe is the way he looks at me, or should I say through me, with his ocean eyes; or the way in which those same eyes shine when he’s about to wreak havoc? Don’t really know, and not sure if I really want to.

Guess I’ll just have to solve this problem in the way I do it best, ignoring my questions until they go away.

I begin to run and chant, — Race you to the docks!

….

Panting, I stop in front of Ursula’s and get inside. The place is packed with members of Uma’s crew, some of which seem to recognize me. They acknowledge me without hostility, still thankful for what I did for them the night of the party.

—Look, Uma, Y/N’s here! Bet she’s looking for Harry, — Beams Gil, the blond and tall guy who first broke the ice with me the night I met the crew.

Uma smirks and approaches me, — Look, witchy, not sure if you got the memo but one night stands are supposed to be just that, and last one night, nothing more.

— Thanks for the heads up, cap, but I’m actually here to grab a pint. — I sit down on a barstool.

— in that case, — she turns away, visibly relaxing, — Bonnie! A beer for bibbity bobbity bullshit over here!

When Uma is behind the bar again, Harry, who had been inside and contemplating the scene, approaches me.

— Sorry ‘bout that, Uma just knows me too well,— he ventures. — Ain’t good for the business to have every lady in the isle claiming to see me, now is it?

His cockiness is amusing as it is annoying. — Oh, of course — I ponder.— that would be completely tragic.

He chuckles at me and steals a sip from my still full beer. Honestly, I don’t even like beer that much; just ordered it to play the part. Go

— Yer different, though, — he claims, but I don’t believe a word.

— Do tell, why is that?

— You’re not as annoying. Actually, I kinda like having you ‘round, — he flirts.

— So you, Mr. use-‘em-‘n-dump-‘em, are claiming I’m special? — I gasp mockingly, — what an honor.

We both laugh a bit, share another sip of beer, and he continues.

He shrugs, — Yer also fast. Not enough, but fast; even if you were playing dirty.

—Oh, gods, aren’t you one to talk about that! — I accuse,— and, given the case that I did play dirty, how did I do it?

— Lookie here — he gesticulates, motioning himself. — Racing a hungover pirate ain’t fair, besides, I had too much clothes on.

I chuckle, part of me wishing I could wipe that smirk off his face. — You’re just a bad loser, I’m pretty sure you’re always hungover; and, as for your clothes, not sure how that’s related to me kicking your ass.

— How low do ya think of me, doll, ya think I’m a bad loser? — he fakes a gasp. — and, as for my clothes, —his tone is mocking, — can’t you just enjoy me charm and help me solve the problem? But, in case you wanted a serious answer for your question, nakedness makes me more aerodynamic.

— wouldn’t you like that, Captain cockiness.— my brow quirks up. — And seriously, aerodynamic? Yeah, right.

— Not as much as ya would, my little witch.

I scoff as my eyes drift over to the window. The day is warm despite the lack of sun, so I suggest, — I think I’m gonna go for a walk. Come with me?

…….

The sound of the waves crashing against the docks is one that I’ve loved my whole life, back home, my dad and I go for boat rides often. However, here there’s a bunch of noise that accompanies the punches of water against wood and stones. The market is busy as we walk, but most of the catches turn out to be dead fish and trash that arrives from Auradon.

— I still don’t believe you, you know? It’s impossible for you to fit the grip of your hook inside your mouth; besides, how can I believe you if your too chickened up to prove it,— my arms cross expectantly.

Since we got out of Ursula’s, Harry’s been telling me a bunch of stories of his and Gil’s drunken deeds, and I may have also revealed a few of mine and Chad’s own disventures. For the last five minutes, he’s been trying to convince me that he’s capable of putting the whole base of his hook inside his mouth, but refuses to show me.

— Lass, ya’ll have to take me word for it. I’m still a few bottles of scotch away from doing that again.

—pff,— I playfully shove him sideways. — Yeah, right.

He places the tip of his hook on his chin, pretending to think, — you know, shouldn’t have spilled so much, now ya have lots of dirt on me.

—What am i gonna use it for? You know what, never mind. — I proclaim, — You, Harry James Hook, just made the worst mistake of your life. Now I’ll overthrow you and Uma, and take over the lost revenge. Buahahaha!

He laughs at me and counters, — seriously lass, some of these things, I’ve never told anyone before.

—relax Hook, you can trust me, — I smile, with the sincerity I can muster.

— Oh, okay then.

After the short moment of vulnerability, we fall into a void of uncomfortable silence. We continue to walk along the brick street next to the sea, and my hands seem to find a permanent place inside the pockets of my jacket. Harry softly whistles a melody with his eyes locked down, but looks up and smiles as we reach a familiar ship.

His frame stiffs for a moment as he inquires — You sure I can trust ya?

I hesitate, — Yes, of course.

— Then come on, you’re meeting someone. — he grins.

The ship seems to be isolated from the rest, yet it is full of crew members that work and bounce from one side of the deck to the other.

When we enter their sight, they stop to stare at us and pull out their swords.

One of them speaks with a threatening and raspy voice, — Not outsiders in the Black Pearl, Hook.  

— Relax, Y/N ain’t gonna start beef, Barbossa. — Harry assures, — where’s Jack at?

— Sure hope she does cause some trouble, we could always use some tasty ladies here in this humble ship. — the malice in his expression makes me shiver, not to mention the wicked grin coming from the monkey on his shoulder, so I move slightly behind Harry.

At this point, it’s evident that the younger pirate’s patience is becoming thinner. — She’s not here for that, now where’s Jack?

Barbossa’s pounding laugh comes laced with his response, — His chambers, drinking. Good luck getting him outta there.

So, shielding me from the Wolfish looks sent by some crew members, Harry drags me to what I assume is the entrance of the captain’s quarters.

He knocks three times and a groan is heard on the other side, right before the breaking of a bottle and an incoherent train of curse words.

The door opens to reveal a tanned middle aged man sporting wild dreadlocks and a bored expression. However, his facade changes as soon as he registers that Harry was the one who dared interrupt him.

—Powder Monkey! What brings you to this old man’s ship?— his arm flies over Harry’s shoulder and he drags him inside.

I follow closely behind. My eyes scan the wooden floor and walls, the scattered pieces of green glass that I’m sure recently fell down, and a table full of unopened bottles, surrounded by five stools.

— Just thought I’d come ‘n greet, so you pack of salty dogs wouldn’t forget ‘bout me.

— Nah, wouldn’t forget ‘bout my favorite boot cleaner, — he smiles, showcasing a few golden teeth, — now would I?  

Harry’s only response is to laugh as he opens a bottle of rum, — Also, wanted you to meet a, uhh, an acquaintance. Jack, Y/N; Y/N, this is Jack.

Acquaintance, seriously?

He turns my way, smirking and stretching out a dusty hand, — Well, let me say, m’lady, any friend of Jimbo here is a friend of mine. —After we shake hands, he sits down on the table, grabbing yet one more bottle, — Now tell me, what stupidity have you done to cross ways with this wonky piece of sea garbage?

I’m about to start, but Harry interjects, — She can’t tell you nothing without a dram.

— Only got rum, Hookey, who do ya think yer talking to, Turner?— he scoffs.

— Rum it is, then.

Awkwardly, I state, — Actually, I’m good as it is, gentlemen.

— You don’t drink? — This time, Sparrow breaks into laughter,— got a princess in your hands, Harry. But m’lady, — he turns toward me,— we all drink here, ‘s the code.

I chuckle, — Fine, but just a few drinks.

…

Thank god I have my boots on, I think to myself as I look at the floor. A fit of giggles scale my lips, followed by an almost unperceivable hiccup. It’s been a few hours since we arrived at the Pearl, and we’ve been drinking nonstop. At the beginning, it was only Jack and the two of us, but then Gil ended up here, together with maestre Gibbs.

I told them how I met Harry, but that’s the only truth that I’ve spilled. After all, knowing where I’m from would be enough motivation for these men to make me walk the plank and straight into the kraken’s nest. From then on, I’ve been mostly listening.

— So, then I was like ‘proceed,’ but they noticed I wasn’t white so the one with the fancy wig went all ‘it’s Jack Sparrow, it’s Jack sparrow!’ and I was like ‘nub-uh, I’m justice Smith.’ — Jack speaks  between laughs, with exaggerated esticulations, as he takes another sip of some cheap wine; the rum ran out like an hour ago.

— You saved my ass that day, Jack, I remember it like it happened this very morning, — Gibbs patted his friend’s shoulder.

Gil chimes in, — like that time you saved us from the Huns, we wouldn’t have lasted two seconds without you and Anamaria.

— I haven’t heard that one yet, — I voice, utterly curious.

— Well, — Jack announces, then yawns. — you’ll have to hear it another time, Y/N/N. I've got some business, you know? Gotta sleep for a few years now.

Being the ship’s captain, and the two young pirates’ mentor, no one’s hesitant to comply. We get up and say goodbye, then make our way outside.

All three of us are still fairly drunk, so I decide to take this chance to see if I can get them to open up.

— I still haven’t heard the story of you guys and the Huns.

— ‘S a long one, lass. — states Harry, placing an arm around my shoulder, to which I respond by loosely grabbing his wrist with my right hand, as to keep his arms from moving.

— Well, we’ve got time! — I yowel.

— You’re gonna love it, Y/N. — As we walk, Gil begins to explain, taking a sip of the bottle we grabbed from the Pearl.— We were like seven when that happened?

----

Harry and Gil walked silently, as they kept an eye on Shan Yu’s men. It was Harry’s first official mission as part of his father’s crew, or it was gonna be, and he had called Gil and Uma for help and support. Sadly, the young sea witch had been grounded that very morning, so she couldn’t be there with the two boys. To say that they had absolutely no idea what they were doing was a complete understatement. They were clueless.

So, they did what seemed rational at the moment: follow the enemies and wait for the perfect moment to attack. Or… at least that’s what Gil had heard his father say when he talked about hunting.

—Shh!! — scolded Harry, — you’re gonna make them see us, Gil!

The blond boy muttered a quick ‘sorry,’ and continued walking, this time avoiding collisions.

— Harry, they’re getting into a warehouse, we should wait out here. — Gil intoned, chocolate eyes shining with fear.

Harry immediately countered and, on the contrary to his friend’s, his blue orbs were  flooded with pride and determination. —No, this is my chance to prove father that I can be a real pirate. If we make it, he will train me.

----

We continue walking through the very same road that we took earlier today (yesterday, as midnight passed a few hours ago). Harry’s arm remains placed around me and mine has now found its way around his middle.

As he speaks, I feel the soft vibrations of Harry’s voice and the alcohol that pleasantly poisoned his breath; — so, we decided to ambush the Huns right there.

— We decided? You manipulated me into going, — Gil points out, giggling.

Harry sighs and grumbles, — Anyway, the point is we went inside and here we are; so, continue talking Gil. Before sunrise, if you can.

----

The two boys literally crossed a door that had no way back. They hid behind a few boxes of what they supposed were ingredients for Dim Sum, and carefully watched as the Hun soldiers opened a chest full of gold that they had stolen from the Jolly Roger.

— There it is, — Harry whispered in awe.

— It’s a lot of gold, — Gil quavered.

Back then, they were convinced that no one was aware of their presence, but a certain pirate lord who had his eyes on the very same prize had seen them from the start.

— Isn’t that Hook’s boy? — asked Anamaria.

—Yup.

She continued to press on the topic, — shouldn’t we take him? He’d be useful against his father; we could get some money out of him.

—Nope.

— And why the hell not, Jack?

The captain sighed, as he adjusted his position on the ceiling bar, — Jim doesn’t pose a threat at the moment and nothing he has seems to be worth it these days, the boy’s useless.

The Huns continued to speak in hushed tones, reason why none of the intruding parties were able to register what was happening.

The kids didn’t even have time to move when they felt the cold metal of swords against the back of their necks. With their hands raised in defeat, they stood up and faced Shan Yu’s soldiers.

—Your father didn’t even have the balls to come here himself?

— Maybe we could send him your fingers? Or maybe even your left hand? That way you’d get matching hooks.

The grown men spoke as they advanced on the two boys, making them head toward the wall of the building. When they had them cornered, both Huns raised their swords and both boys shielded their heads with their arms; but no harm came their way.

Instead, they saw the Huns fighting two other people, whom Harry recognized as members of the enemy pirate crew, the tripulation of the Black Pearl.

— So that’s why you went after the kids —chortled the man. — Your technique is worse than your fashion sense, and that’s saying something.

Both boys giggled at his words.

The man’s combat was sparkled with humor and witty comments, while the woman fought silently and with a stern expression, only groaning every few hits. Both of them had impeccable technique, and they seemed to be dancing in perfect coordination.

After what had seemed to be hours, the Huns ended up dead.

— I can’t believe I agreed to come with you in the first place, — hissed the woman, cleaning her left boot with the end of her puffy white sleeve.

— Come one, don’t tell me it wasn’t fun!

She ignored her companion and approached the boys, who had been contemplating their interaction.

— Hey, — she smiled, — I’m Ana, and that idiot over there is captain Jack Sparrow.

Harry stepped forward, — I’m quartermaster Harry Hook, and this is my friend Gil.

—Quartermaster? Harry, your father doesn’t even let you near the crew.

Harry glared at his friend and decided to explain to the two strangers, — well, I’m not exactly a quartermaster… yet! — he assured. — but I’m gonna be one, when my dad decides to train me.

It was the man’s turn to speak, and his voice came tinted with venom. — You mean Jim sent you here without training? Not even I would do that.

— My dad doesn’t think I have what it takes to be a pirate. I was gonna bring him his treasure back and show him I do have it, but I guess you’re gonna take it, right?

‘Not the puppy eyes, not those; anything but the puppy eyes!’ Jack pleaded to himself, but he ended up looking at the boy and giving in.

He groaned, and then spoke up. — We’ll all go back to the Pearl. There, well split the gold and maybe you’ll learn a thing or two.

— Uma’s gonna love this, — grinned the boys in unison.

----

We arrived at the end of the road, so the three of us sat on the edge of the dock, feet dangling over the water.

— So, that’s basically it. — concludes Gil. — Jack taught us everything we know about being pirates. Then, he helped us get the Lost Revenge.

I take a drink, — And, you’re all still pretty close to him. That’s really cool.

Harry chuckles, — well, we kind of owe him everything we are.

I lift my head, which was resting on his shoulder, and glance at him. — That’s not true; he may have trained you, but I’m sure you all have become your own selves.

— Don’ be stupid, lass, he did it because it meant a future a alliance and an advantage, not because he has a teaching vocation.

I sigh, looking for adequate words to phrase what I want to say, — Then you guys owe him what you know about piracy, nothing more.

None of the two pirates said anything.

You know, — Gil sighed, — he’s been there for us more than our own parents. He even saved us from Hook’s crew once, when we were thirteen.

—Still, he did it because we’d signify power for him and not because he cared about us. — Harry takes a long swing of liquor.

I sigh, — Still, I think that, even if he didn’t care at the beginning, he’s fond of you guys now.

Harry’s about to object, but he thinks for a moment and mumbles, — he’s been around for quite a while, even for me sisters.

—I’m just pretty glad that we found him, — Gil hummed, — since I began training with him, my father has been going on about how proud he is that I’m big and strong, and how he hopes that I’ll get myself a nice lady.

— Funny, — Harry says with a tint of grief, — my dad stopped talking to me when the moment I stepped on the Pearl.

Once again, we fall into silence. I fall backwards and look at the cloudy sky, Gil and Harry soon follow and, once again, I find a spot right under the first mate’s arm.

— I’m kind of sleepy, guys.— Gil voices my thoughts, we should head back to the Revenge.

Without complaining, the three of us stand up and walk back to the ship. Instead of heading to their quarters, Harry and Gil lead me to a few hammocks that are placed on deck for those on night guard.

Harry takes off his boots and coat, sitting on one, —‘m sure Uma won’t mind if we use these for tonight.

—Yeah, no big deal, — Yawns Gil.

— Kay.

I’m already beginning to sober up, so sleep is beginning to hit me. Without a second thought, I lay down and wrap myself in my cloak. I drift off to sleep, and my head clears.

It only lasts a few hours, though. I wake up with nausea and my head pounding. Sitting up, decision which immediately regret, I look around for Harry and Gil but turns out I’m alone. I get up and rub my eyes, walking towards Frollo’s creperie, which is a few blocks away from Ursula’s.

I arrive and bark my order, like I’ve seen people do it around here. Then, with a huff, I sit down and quickly glance at my watch.

9:30 am… shit!

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[dailyaudiobible]

01/10/2021 DAB Transcript

Genesis 23:1-24:51, Matthew 8:1-17, Psalms 9:13-20, Proverbs 3:1-6

Today is the 10th day of January, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is great to be here with you as we greet a brand-new week, a shiny sparkly new week that we are entering into as we continue to move into this brand-new year that we have together. So, it is wonderful. We are falling into a rhythm and it is a meaningful one. Every day we come around the Global Campfire together as a community and hear the word of God spoken over us, and then it becomes a part of who we are, it becomes a part of the soil, the fabric of our lives and it yields a crop. We’re planting seeds right now that are going to come up and it will be the fruit of the spirit, like it will be good in our lives. It will be perspective and context in our lives. And, so, we got a good thing going here and let’s dive into our next week together. We’ll read from the New Living Translation this week and pick up where we left off yesterday. Genesis chapter 23 verse 1 through 24 verse 51.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word. We thank You for bringing us into this brand-new week. We thank You for what wisdom has told us today, that we should trust You with our whole hearts. That's all of us, that we should trust You with who we are and not depend on what we think we know, not depend on our own understanding. We should seek Your will in all that we’re doing, and You will show us which path to take because we will be walking with You at this point, and You will be pointing out the beauty of life together with You. You know all of the hidden vistas, You know all of the secret lookouts, You know all of the cool places of life, and You have invited us to walk through life with You, the most-high God. And, so, often we’re just so busy trying to appease our fellow human beings and get some sort of identity from them when You have invited us into an adventure. So, come Holy Spirit, help us. This begins by trusting You with everything and not thinking that we’re gonna figure it all out but knowing that You know it all. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In Jesus’ name, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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Check out the community section, either via the app or the…the website and that…that's where the Prayer Wall is. There’s always someone to pray for, always, and there are always people praying. So, you can always reach out for prayer. So, be aware of that and…yeah…pray for each other. That's what we do here. It’s one of the distinctives. It’s one of the beautiful things that we do here, is just accept people where they are on their journey and no matter…no matter where they’ve been or how this is all gonna play out, we’re…we’re willing to accept each other where we are on the journey right now knowing that everybody's in process, none of…none of us have…have reached perfection and just to accept…accept each other where we are and be willing to walk the path and pray for one another and encourage one another. We’re very very good at that here maybe better than anywhere I have ever seen. In fact, not maybe, better than anywhere I’ve ever seen. And, so, we love one another well and there are places like the Prayer Wall to always have a place to reach. So, be aware of that.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage. I thank you. I thank you profoundly. If what's happening here, God's word spoken read fresh every day and given into the world and community built around that rhythm, encouragement and prayer for one another, if this brings life to you than thank you for being life-giving. There is a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning Daily Audio Bible friends this is Kimberly calling from __ first of all I just wanted to welcome any new listeners and just want to know…just wanted you to know that I’ve been praying for you for this new year that you would be truly blessed by this podcast as we…we all are that listen. Along the way you will find that people share wonderful manifestations of the way that this podcast has changed their lives. And, so, I pray that that is…is your case. I…I pray truly that you are blessed and that your relationship with God it grows so much deeper this year than you could ever imagine. Second thing is I just heard Hope calling from the Heartland and I just love your prayer and hope I…I heard about your mom and I wanted to offer my condolences, that I just so appreciate the blessing that you gave of your perspective on her passing. And I often think about what heaven will be like because none of us have seen each other for the most part. I guess at the More gathering and things like that we’ve seen each other’s faces but to a large extent most of us haven’t met or seen each other’s faces but guess what? In heaven we’re gonna know each other and we’re gonna know Hope’s mom. And as I’m driving to work on this beautiful beautiful January morning, I’m just in of the beauty that God has given us on this side of heaven. We had a nor’easter last night and dropped quite a bit of snow and it was a powerful storm and the clouds are low over the town as I drive in the sage brush is covered with snow and it’s just…

Hi DABber family this is Tonja with a J in South Florida and I am so excited. It is January 5th of 2021 and I did it. I did it, I did it, I did it thank you Brian thank you Jill and China. God bless you and your baby girl. I actually did the Bible in a year. And to anyone who thinks you can’t do it just listen and if you…if you forget a week or day…I actually forgot…almost forgot a month because I just was busy with life but I caught up and today I finished the Bible in a year. And I can’t wait I’m already started January with everybody. I am just so happy to be around the campfire and we really our family here. And I did the Bible for the first time in my whole life in the year. I…I’m so excited and even my hubby is getting excited and…and you know…let’s pray to get him listening to this every day as well and…and I’m just…I love the way Brian that you explain what you’re going to say and then you read the Scriptures and then you talk afterwards. It’s very educational. I can’t wait. This is my second year and I’m going nowhere. Stick to everyone. Stick to it. If you fall behind just…no…listen to two or three. I mean lately I’ve been listening to ten a day because I was behind in November and December. And oh I’m just so happy. It is an accomplishment. It was my goal I wanted last year, and I reached it. Thank you very much. I…I love everyone and I love listening to you all and I pray with you all when you pray. I’m just so happy that I’m…I’m crying. How stupid. Anyway…so, have a lovely day and you can do it. If I can do it, you can do it. This is Tonja with a J and have a good day. Bye-bye.

Good morning this is Daniel in Arizona. Good morning family. It is the 6th of January I’m trying into work and I just felt overly compelled by the Holy Spirit to reach out and I’m sorry if I butcher your name. I have some…I do have some hearing problems. So, Zinab in London. I just I heard you call, your first call in to the Daily Audio Bible and I just want to let you know welcome, welcome welcome to this great and wonderful community where we can come together and learn more about Jesus, about the Bible and what…how great it is to be in community with each other with our great Savior. Welcome and I’m just praying for you. My heart goes out to you. And I know that you were saying that you come from a Muslim background and from a lot of stories and that I’ve read and people that I met there could be some…there can be some great rejection. And I just wanted to welcome you with open arms and that we will be continuing, that I encourage everyone in this community to be praying for our…our…our friend here and just encouragement and love. And I just felt so compelled by the Holy Spirit to reach out to you and to know that this is just a wonderful place to be and that we can walk in the freedom of Jesus. And thank you for…for reaching out and may the Lord bless you that may He keep you and as we journey together in 2021.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family. Hallelujah to God and grace and peace be to all of you. I am calling in this morning for our sister Zinab from London to welcome you sister to this community and just tell you that it’s going to be fantastic journey, to encourage you to lift you up and tilt you know that you will be well loved here. Zinab I encourage you to continue in this journey to be faithful to it to God’s word and faithful to the prayer and the prayers of the community. Love you, we encourage you, we look forward to hearing from you, Zinab. So, blessings to you all.

Good morning DAB family its January 6th and this is Amazed by Grace Sally in Massachusetts. Just wanting to wish you all a wonderful blessed new year as we walk in the Lord together. And I was just so blessed by our Christmas party. So good to hear all of your encouragements and just thankful that I can be out of this body, part of this ministry. And today as Brian was introducing the reading, he mentioned how important it is for us to grow in awareness of God’s presence and our dependence on Him. And that just really struck me because that is so true how much we need to be aware. God is always with us He will never forsake us. And I and we are so dependent on His love and grace and His spirit to guide us. So, thank you for that reminder Brian. And I am thankful that we have this ministry of the Daily Audio Bible to encourage and to support each other. Isn’t it wonderful that God made us a body, a body that can support and encourage each other? So, I pray for each of us as we go into the new year that we will grow in our awareness of God’s wonderful loving presence and our total dependence upon Him. And I’m thankful for the call from our sister in London who is a recent Muslim convert. We do support you and we do love you and we’re so thankful that you joined us. We pray for you to grow in your walk with God along with us as we each need to grow. And again, thank you for all those, Brian, Jill who make this ministry possible and each one who puts a log on the fire. Thank you and thank you God.

Hey guys I actually just found the Daily Audio Bible app.  This year I want…one of my things for the new year was that I wanted to read my whole Bible this year and so I found this, and it has just been such a blessing in my life and I am…I’m just so overwhelmed and amazed at how fast God has worked in my life and the amount of love that I feel from this whole community. So, I’d just like to say thank you and I’d like to thank God for kind of showing me and giving me all of you. It’s actually…I’m coming up on my last ever semester of college in a couple of days and I’m already feeling pretty overwhelmed and stressed out about it. So, if anyone wants to take a couple seconds out of their day and just shoot a prayer for me that’d be very appreciated. Just thank you all.

[epicstuckyficrecs]

2019 New Writers Fic Rec

After seeing some Discourse on Twitter, I decided to make a fic rec with some of my favorite new writers! All of these writers only started posting Stucky fanfic in 2018 or 2019. So here are some “new” writers and some of my favorite fics from them! (in no particular order)

PS: sorry for not putting the trope, word count and rating as I usually do, I wanted to try and make this fic rec quickly! 

PS2: also sorry if I chopped all your summaries, but some of them are hella long and this post is already... pretty long.

PS3: this went way past “favorite new writers” and just became “great new writers” because I wanted to prove a point, oops. 

verzacefatale 

You be yours and I'll be mine : “Oh, god. We got married, didn’t we?” 

14-Inch Cock and a Few Hundred Bimbos : There are some things in life, Steve muses as he stares down at his crotch, that nothing can prepare you for. His dick suddenly growing six inches in length and another two in girth, just because he opened a box in a Hydra dug out that maybe he should have read the instructions on before he did? How was he to know it was literally magic that would make his cock grow huge?

~

2bestfriends 

Collar Full of Chemistry : AKA a fantasy BDSM romance featuring heavy mutual pining, feelings denial, and enough kink to blackout a bingo card. 

Like Real People Do : AKA the "Lumberjack Steve/Twink Bucky" fic of our hearts.

~

deadonarrival

100,000 Miles And Feeling Very Still : Steve Rogers took a job at NASA and his life is pretty okay. Maybe not great but he has some good friends and things seem to be mostly stable. Except one day their new astronaut recruit walks in and everything in Steve's life goes upside down.

Latte Art and Slow Dancing in the Dark (WIP): Bucky is a somewhat well-adjusted former army sniper that got his shoulder blown out. He took his discharge and went home to finish school and is working on his international relations masters. His best friends and roommates (Nat & Clint) are CIA agents and tip him off that their local Sbux is hiring. He gets a job there and meets none other than the hottest guy on earth.

~

voxofthevoid

(series) couldn't get the boy to kill me (ongoing): Captain America and the Winter Soldier are a terrifying duo on the field, working together with a well-oiled precision that tears through their enemies. Captain Rogers and Agent Barnes are distant coworkers, all polite nods and mission briefings. Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are fire and gasoline; the sparks between them have no choice but to roar into raging infernos.

happily ever after has bite marks in it : In which Bucky is aggressively okay with his self-imposed exile from society, and Steve is a werewolf who’s nothing like the Brooklyn boy Bucky still dreams of.

darling heart, i loved you from the start (but that's no excuse for the state i'm in) : Or, the one where Steve saves the mind stone for last and decides to fuck the timeline beyond all recognition, which regrettably involves crawling delicately up Hydra's asshole and less regrettably involves showering a very confused Bucky Barnes with affection.

(series): i'm guilty of treason (i've abandoned control) : S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Bucky Barnes is captured on a mission and meets Commander Steve Rogers, the erstwhile Captain America.It escalates quickly.

four dreams in a row where you were burned : When Steve uses the last of his Pym Particles to travel to 1944 and save his best friend, he doesn’t have a plan beyond leaving behind the battlefield and living his life alongside the people he loves. But the life that finds him is not the one he expects.

~

deisderium

much tattoo about nothing : Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

(series) tits out, lads : On the walk back from Azzano, Bucky keeps touching Steve's chest. Then he touches it some more. And more.

Let Them Eat Cake : Bucky wanted to know why their new pastry chef had gun calluses on his right hand.

deep dive : In which single dad Bucky Barnes has a crush on his daughter's dive team coach and thirsts awkwardly. 

thot through the heart (and you're to blame) : In which Bucky is a baby vampire, a disaster, out to have a good time, and hopelessly in love with his roomate; and in which Steve has a few secrets of his own.

Political Animals (WIP) : or—Steve’s best friend is the U.S. Constitution and he can’t seem to stop fucking a hot Republican. They shouldn’t fall in love, but somehow they do.

~

thedoubteriswise

time on my hands (could be time spent with you) : "You doing okay, kid?” Steve releases a breath, deciding how honest he wants to be. No point in lying. No point in telling the truth, either. "Glad to see you.""That’s not what I asked, but same to you, punk."

honey don't feed it, it will come back : He’s stroking the cat’s fur, which is soft and fine now that it’s clean. He looks so open and inviting. Steve doesn’t close his eyes, watching Bucky’s gentle fingers and trying to come up with a plausible excuse to go touch him.

Ill With Want : Bucky pretends to be asleep when Steve crawls into bed, too tired to feel guilty over the quivery pleasure that settles in his belly when Steve’s arm brushes his. He drifts to sleep in a comfortable haze and tries not to wonder where this feeling was two hours ago when he had Marie in his lap.

~

steebadore

Controlled Release : Bucky's just having a little trouble...finishing. Completing the mission. He can squeeze the trigger but he can't make the shot is what he's saying. Which is why he's here, loitering outside a nice brownstone in Park Slope, trying to find the courage to knock on Captain Come Control dot com's door for his three o'clock appointment.

it takes a lot to know a man : Bucky flips to the next page, and the world around him grinds to a halt as his brain struggles to process what he's seeing. The noise of the train fades and static fills the inside of his head as he looks down at the sketches of the metal-armed guy without the mask. It's—that's him. It's Bucky's own goddamn face staring back at him from this stranger's sketchbook.

~

AidaRonan

Quench : Or the one where archeology intern Bucky Barnes meets actual archeologist Steve Rogers and reaches levels of thirst scientists once believed to be theoretically impossible.

Carnal Synchronicity : AKA A Tale of Two Stevies

Fraternizing With the Enemy : Steve and Bucky are both the presidents of their respective fraternities. Steve thinks Bucky's frat is filled with selfish party animals who care about little else. Bucky thinks Steve is a giant pretentious douchebag who owns too many Lacoste polos. They hate each other. Passionately.

~

lockedlocke

I just need you to show me : A quick google search tells him that the app he needs to get for something quick and easy, with no strings attached is Grindr. He downloads the app while he watches a bit of a Simpsons episode. It doesn’t take long, and when the app is downloaded, he looks at black icon with the yellow mask.

Pride : So here he was, at Pride despite the fact that he’d rather be at home. It’s hot, boiling and his feet hurt a bit from standing all day. Converse might be nice shoes, but Jesus they were terrible for his knees.

~

mcwho

it never hurt nobody : “I thought we agreed that that was creepy.” “No,” Bucky says slowly. “I asked you what you thought about people calling their boyfriends daddy, and you said you thought it was creepy, and then I asked you what the hell you’d done with my grey sweater after you did laundry, and we never talked about it again.”

(series) the serum amplifies : Little PWPs about Steve and Bucky’s sex life and the serums effect on it.

~

missandrogyny

don't know where i'm going (but i'll get back to you and me) : AU where Bucky is an assassin who just can’t seem to kill Steve

~

LeeHan

The Right Partner : Steve meets a beautiful man with a bright laugh on a sunny day in Italy. Captain America meets the elusive Winter Soldier moments later.

The Best Way to Wake : James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something.

~

amethystkrystal

Taking This One Step At A Time : In the weeks that follow, Bucky's omega urges start going haywire, and he realizes that night with Steve may have left him with more than just a fond memory.

Realignment : After assembling their own Infinity Gauntlet, the Avengers defeated Thanos and brought back everyone who disappeared. But their victory came at a great cost: in order to take the Soul Stone, Steve had to sacrifice the Captain America mantle and all the super-soldier strength that came with it.

~

cydonic

Home Is Wherever I'm With You : This is what happens when you buy a house to flip having only seen the online images: you get more than you bargained for. Bucky Barnes brings all the tools to handle a dilapidated home, but he's hardly prepared for a smart-mouthed child (with poor aim), a crying baby, and the hottest dad he's ever seen in his life living right next door.

~

deadto27

The Sweetest Spark : Steve Rogers runs a successful business. He has great friends and a great life. It seems like he has it all. So why is he sitting in a diner on a Friday night alone? Maybe he's just a little lonely. Maybe Bucky Barnes can help with that.

Maybe This Christmas : Bucky’s not going home for Christmas. But it’s fine. He’s spending Christmas alone in his apartment, but it’s cool. He’s not feeling up to seeing his family after his accident anyway, plus he has to work. He’s totally fine with it. But then he runs into Steve, literally, and suddenly his Christmas isn’t looking so empty after all.

~

NachoDiablo

Reconcilable Differences : AKA, "What To Do When Your Zany Fake-Relationship Scheme Actually Works."

~

odetteandodile

If Only In My Dreams : Bucky is a highly successful cooking and lifestyle blogger. He writes all about life in his Connecticut home with his D.H. (darling husband). Only problem? It’s all complete fiction.

So I Took a Faithful Leap : Bucky doesn’t fall and Steve doesn’t crash. The Howling Commados take out the remaining Hydra bases…and then they go home, just like all the other allied soldiers. Steve buys a farm in Washington state, and tries to relearn how to be at peace.

Art Thief, Heart Thief : Agent Steve Rogers is facing a series of art thefts that has him stumped, and looking for a break in the case. Convicted art thief and general high end criminal Bucky Barnes wants to make parole and happens to know all of the right people who could make Steve's job easier.

Under the Hawthorn Tree : A young man wanders into the woods one night, and wanders until he isn't a young man anymore—but something else. Seventy years later, another man follows him. Inside of a magic ring, they meet.

~

canistakahari

don't threaten me with a good time : Steve's taken him on vacation to a cabin in Canada in the middle of winter, so it's obviously the perfect time for his body to go haywire. Bucky is determined to stick it out, though, partly because he's a stubborn bastard, but mostly because he feels some kinda way about Steve.

Heckin' Chunker for Love : On the inside of the big floor to ceiling window of the office across the street, someone has used Post-it Notes to spell out a message: W H A T I S Y O U R C A T ’ S N A M E ?

(TBR) All of Your Love is Sunlight : Sometimes the path to happiness involves bad timing turned good, a butt plant, and a little everyday magic. For Steve and Bucky, it's all that and more.

~

birdjay

(TBR) STAR PLAN : He’s the most gorgeous thing Bucky’s ever laid eyes on.He’s his new tentative boss. Maybe. If this interview goes well enough, anyway. “So, Mr. Barnes?” Steve asks, blinking at him from across a particle board table. “You ever work security before?”

stay : The platform buzzes, and suddenly goes quiet. The cycle has finished. Bucky doesn’t bother to look. There’s no way Steve’s coming back when he has the chance to stay. He moves to walk away, to move on with his life, somehow. “Buck -- ?”

(TBR) The Conservation of a 17th Century Painting : Steve can’t even remember the last time he’s spoken to someone actually interested in art, who coincidentally is also someone he’d like to bang. Actually, no. He’s never had that happen.

~

dragongirlG

Searching Every Lonely Place : After the Battle of New York in 2012, Steve searches for Bucky with the help of the Avengers as he bumbles through a series of comedic misunderstandings with undercover HYDRA agents.

Reclamation : The Winter Soldier’s mask never falls off when he fights Captain America on the overpass and the helicarrier. That doesn’t stop the Soldier from recognizing Captain America and wondering why the man’s face is haunting his scattered memories.

~

megs_bee

Nothing Good Ever Happens On A Tuesday : Recently discharged soldier James Barnes is back in Brooklyn, down an arm and missing five years of memories, but he’s got his PTSD mostly under control, a fancy metal prosthetic, and what’s starting to feel like it could be a half-decent life. What he doesn’t have is any memory of the kid looking at James and asking him, “Are you my daddy?” -- or the gorgeous blond guy standing next to her.

A Ghost Before You Were a Ghost Story : “I’m sorry to wake you, Sir, but there appears to be an intruder on the roof. ”Tony finds the camera showing a figure standing alone on the roof, black tactical gear blending into the black night sky. Barely a shadow among shadows, save for the glint of silver along the figure’s left side. The Winter Soldier.

~

VenusMonstrosa

Extant : After a sudden and violent storm forces the crew of Insight III to perform an emergency evacuation, astronaut James Barnes was believed to have died and was left behind on Mars. Two years later, Commander Steve Rogers still refuses to let go. Fortunately, so does Bucky.

Through The Woods : There’s a legend in Mansewood, nearly as old as the town itself, about a pack of werewolves that once lived in the forest. They say only one survives; a monstrous and snarling beast with fur like a blizzard and fangs the size of daggers. Steve doesn’t care about any of that. He only wants to know if it prefers T-Bone or ribeye, and would it please stop tracking dirt through his house? He just mopped the floor.

~

BlueSimplicity

(series) You Are Responsible For What You Tame : After the events in DC and on the helicarriers, and the realization that his friend Bucky Barnes is still alive, Captain Steve Rogers swears that he will do anything he can to find him. It is easier said than done, as Steve searches desperately for any hint or clue that will lead him to his friend. Steve searches, but Bucky does not want to be found. And so begins their game of cat and mouse, as Steve does everything in his power to convince Bucky to come home.

~

GoldBlooded

A Midsummer Knight's Dream : Sir Steven, knight, alpha, and baron of a small countryside estate, receives an invitation to a Royal Tournament: It’s a winner-take-all competition, and the prize? The hand of Prince James, the kingdom’s most eligible omega, in marriage.

Feast On This : Steve, Sarah, and Bucky are headed down to Florida to visit the Barnes family for Thanksgiving. Bucky's tired of the interrogation about his love life from his Ma, and Sarah suggests the simplest solution would be for he and Steve to fake it for a few days. How hard can it be, right? After all, they've shared a bed before. After all, it's only pretend... Right?

Luck of the Irish Stroll : Every year Steve and Sam go on the Irish Stroll Bar Crawl, and ever since their first time on the Stroll four years ago, Steve and Sam cross paths with Bucky and Natasha. Every year Steve’s world is rocked by the gorgeous, blue-eyed man that has captivated him since they first locked eyes fighting over a couple of pints of Guinness from the bartender. But Steve's starting to want and need more of Bucky... will this be the year he can make it last for more than one night?

~

girlbookwrm

(TBR) (series) The Hundred Year Playlist : Steve and Bucky, start to finish. "Come on, pal, it's me. Take another hundred years if you want, I'll still be here."

sidereal : Captain Rogers never did a self-portrait; we can only speculate who his soulmate — or soulmates — might have been.

~

ClaraxBarton

Holding On : “Your poll numbers are way down, and we need to get them back up.”

~

stfustucky

Salt & Sugar (collab with GoldBlooded) : Steve Rogers is a bigshot celebrity chef in New York City, and Bucky Barnes is a classically trained pastry chef in Moscow. When billionaire and mutual friend Natasha Romanoff calls on them to collaborate for her Memorial Day Benefit Gala, they both brace themselves to spend the week working with some jerk they're bound to hate. 

Honestly, Fuck Brooklyn : Or, the one where it takes yet another apocalypse for the somewhat oblivious Bucky Barnes to figure out that his dorky artist boyfriend Steve is actually Captain Goddamned America.

~

writeonclara

How to Woo the Winter Soldier : Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

[podcastenthusiast]

Authors have been revealed for the gift exchange I took part in, so now I can post my fic here too! Just some post-160 angst and softness. (ao3 link)

New Year’s Eve after the apocalypse.

—-

New Year, New World

It would almost be an idyllic winter evening, were it not for the circumstances. A quaint cottage tucked away in the Scottish countryside. Snow blanketing the garden. A crackling fireplace to ward off the cold. Except the cottage is a safehouse that hasn’t felt truly safe in months. Boarded up windows obscure not just their view of gently falling snowflakes but, more importantly, the sky’s view of them. The fireplace became essential for light and heat once the generator died a few weeks ago.

Martin’s phone is largely useless these days, but his calendar app still works. He never expected they would still be in the Highlands at the year’s end. But he never expected any of this, really. Suddenly the world has been flooded with fourteen flavors of evil bullshit, and then Jon was in no state to travel anywhere for a while even if they did have a destination, and then Basira found them, and then they found Daisy.

And then and then and then…

Somehow, it is already New Year’s Eve. Not that the date or even the passage of linear time means as much as it used to anymore. The important thing is they are still alive and together which, selfish as it might be, is all Martin can bring himself to care about.

He glances down at Jon who is finally sleeping, as peacefully as he ever can, his head resting in Martin’s lap. At least the only nightmares he endures are completely his own. The Eye no longer appears to need its Archivist retreading others’ old traumas night after night.

There are more good days than bad ones now, on the whole. Today had been…decidedly not a good day. The Stranger, he assumes, or possibly the Spiral. Either way, for nearly an hour this morning Jon did not even know his own name, and he hadn’t recognized Martin at all.

“Dinner’s in ten minutes,” Basira tells him, entering the room. After a moment’s pause, she asks, “How’re you holding up?”

“We’re okay,” he replies almost automatically, like a mantra he’ll believe if he just repeats it enough. He threads his fingers through Jon’s hair.

“Not what I asked. How are you, Martin?”

“I’m, um… I’m scared, pretty much all the time. End of the world, y’know? And Jon—he’s right here with me, I know that, and he’s doing a lot better, I think. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. But I just…I can’t lose him again.”

“Yeah. I get it,” Basira says, her gaze drifting toward the kitchen where Daisy is busy preparing something that…well, it looks almost like a chicken. “You’re his anchor, though, and he’s yours. I didn’t think that sort of thing really mattered. I mean, how could it? But it saved you from the Lonely. It brought Daisy back to me.”

“You think it can save him, too, if it comes to that?”

Basira shrugs. “It’s all we’ve got right now.”

—

Jon is distracted all through dinner, like he’s trying to catch the lyrics of a song playing quietly in the other room. It will be worse in London, Martin fears, but they can’t stay here forever. Jonah Magnus isn’t going to kill himself, after all.

Daisy pops the cork in a cheap bottle of champagne that she and Basira managed to scrounge up from a nearby village during their last supply run.

“So, think I might take up knitting,” she says. “Anyone else have an exciting resolution?”

Silence. It’s been quite a while since they let themselves contemplate anything beyond the immediate future.

“Fix the world, I guess?” Basira offers.

“Boring, but given the circumstances, I’ll allow it. Martin?”

“I suppose mine would be to start writing poetry again,” he says, sheepish.

“That’s more like it. What about you, Jon?”

There’s no answer. Jon is idly tracing impossible patterns—fractals, it looks like—on the surface of the wooden table.

Martin touches his hand. “Jon? Can you, um…see us?”

“Yes. Yes, I-I’m fine,” he says. “Sorry. What…”

“New Year’s resolutions. What’s yours?” Daisy asks. “Aside from finding a way to stop the eyepocalypse, obviously.”

“We are not calling it that.”

“Too late. You’re dodging the question, Sims.”

“I don’t know, honestly. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. And uh—I think we should get a cat.” The last part he says to Martin specifically, who isn’t sure it counts as a resolution, strictly speaking, but he’s not about to mention that.

“Yeah,” Martin says, smiling. “I think we should, too.”

Daisy turns to Basira. “C’mon, let’s leave the lovebirds in peace.”

Jon chokes on his champagne. Martin feels his cheeks flush. They don’t usually…talk about it. There’s a lot of things they don’t talk about, in fact.

“I’ve missed her,” Jon says softly. And he had, Martin could tell, although Jon never said as much aloud during their three weeks of respite (“The eye of the storm,” he called it later. Martin didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.) He’s just grateful that Jon has a friend, someone who was there for the man he loves when Martin couldn’t be.

—

It’s getting late. Basira takes first watch; Daisy is dozing on the couch before her own shift. They ought to be asleep as well. Jon is considerably more lucid than he has been all day, though, if the guilty expression is any indication, and now he’s just sort of…clinging to Martin. He never thought Jon would be such a tactile person, not that he minds at all. Things have changed between them since the Lonely in a number of ways. He is perfectly content to hold Jon close like this for as long as possible. Words are still a bit more difficult. They’re both trying, the best they can.

“I’m sorry,” Jon whispers against Martin’s neck. “I keep ruining things. First Christmas and now…”

He is referring to another bad day; the Corruption, that time, or perhaps simply a normal illness intensified by Archivist powers. Jon had spent the entirety of Christmas in bed, delirious with fever, a blindfold tied tightly around his eyes. (It doesn’t actually stop the Seeing altogether, just helps take the edge off somewhat.) To be honest, it hardly even ranks in Martin’s personal top five worst Christmases.

“Can’t really blame you if the Eye’s a bit of a Grinch, right?”

Jon’s soft laugh, even muffled against Martin’s shoulder, has quickly become his favorite sound in the world.

“It’s just… I promised I wouldn’t leave you.”

“You didn’t leave me, Jon. And besides, we agreed not to apologize for—”

“—being trapped, unconscious, or otherwise incapacitated. I know. But you deserve so much better than all this, Martin, especially after everything else I’ve put you through this year.”

“You were in a coma. That wasn’t your fault, either. None of this is,” Martin says firmly.

Jon sighs. “I suppose.”

He’s probably just too tired to argue the point, but Martin will take it. This is enough for now. It’s got to be.

“It’s midnight,” Martin says.

“Is it? I don’t think—”

“Do you want to know how I know?”

“Uh…yes?”

“Because I really want to kiss you.”

“Oh. Right. Well, it is traditional.”

Martin can hear the smile in Jon’s voice, which he adds to his mental list of favorite sounds in the world as Jon kisses him.

Whatever the next year holds, they’re going to face it together.

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

The Best Present - Ryan Seaman x Reader

Summary: The reader had a terrible Christmas Day in company of her family, but luckily her best friend Ryan drops by to save the day. Reader: female Word count: 4 549 A/N: My Christmas was not very good this year, and pretty close to how I’ve described it here, but instead of annoying relatives I have a bad cough now. So if the proof reading failed even harder than usually, it’s bc I’m sick.

“Fuck.”

Slamming the door to your room shut behind you, you leant your back against it, your head falling into your neck, and bumping a little bit too forcefully against the dark wood.

It was Christmas Day, usually a day of cheer and happiness all around, at least if you would believe all the TV movies, and the commercials, the shops, and your friends’ social media posts. But this year your reality was far from it.

You liked Christmas, always had, even though your family was not religious. For you it was less about religion than about the opportunity to meet with everyone, sit down over presents that acknowledged how much you appreciated each other, and have delicious food. It was a tradition, but not a religious one. And as childish as it sounded, you were always excited for the Christmas Days. Even as an adult you usually did not mind the stress it brought along. It was fun to think about what you wanted to get for who, you enjoyed writing Christmas cards, and you loved decorating and backing, and even had fun with helping your parents cook the Christmas Dinner.

But this year everything was different. You had gotten ill in the beginning of December, ruining the first week already, which left not as much time to do things like present shopping, and writing cards. Additionally to that your Christmas decoration had fallen victim to a flooded basement in spring, and since you did not want to spend all your savings on new decoration, there had been only very little of it in your flat this year.

Secretly you had hoped your mother might have found the time to do some baking, but that too had not happened, since your mother had gotten the flu, and had been sick for almost a month, now being just barely fine enough to not sleep the whole day. And that also explained the state of your parents’ house. Since your father did not care much for Christmas, and your mother had been very sick, there were only very few decorations here as well. The Christmas tree was the benjamin fig, a few plastic baubles, and a Christmas light trying to make it look at least a little festive.

All that would have been not all too upsetting. Also the fact that neither of your parents had made the effort to get you anything but money was okay to live with. Sure, you would have been happier about an ugly scarf, or some colourful socks, but you knew your parents had had enough trouble, and it had been easiest just to give the money to you so you could spend it on the stuff you liked. Not even the lack of festive food this year would have ruined anything for you, but all these things combined with the mood your parents were in, the constant bickering of your relatives, and the over the day increasing social anxiety finally managed to ruin this Christmas for you completely.

Of course it could have been worse; your parents telling you one of them had cancer, the house burning down, the relatives dying in a car crash- but just because it could have come worse did not mean you had no right to be upset. Up to a certain point you could understand why your mother was stressing about how the house was not freshly cleaned, and the shelves not dusted; your grandparents really were a pain in the ass when it came to cleaning. But she stressed herself so much that she almost started crying in the kitchen while the family had sat in the living room, having tea and not-Christmas-biscuits.

Your father was generally just annoyed with everyone and everything, and whenever you tried to help you did everything wrong, not to mention the debate about politics he started with your mother’s brother in law, which made you want to puke on the table.

And then there were your noisy grandparents, uncle, and aunt. They proudly told everyone about their kids, your grandparents letting you more or less directly know that they expected you to have kids soon too, until your aunt condescendingly stated that there had to be more than one reason that you were still single, and that it probably would not ever change.

While she was right about the reasons of you still being single, they were much different to what she was implying. For years you had been, in the beginning less, but recently more and more, in love with your best friend Ryan. And that was the first reason you were single. There was no way you were possibly ruining your friendship with him just to tell him what he meant to you. And the second reason was that, unlike your cousin, you did not throw yourself at people just to have sex with them, accidently get pregnant, and then having to marry out of social pressure.

So as soon as the whole “sitting together, pretending to be in a good mood”- situation was over, you had escaped to your old room under the roof.

Pressing your eyes closed, the only thing you could think about was how badly you wanted to talk to Ryan now. He was a drummer, the band, which he was currently a member in, on a steady rise to fame. Just the week before Christmas he had played shows away from home, so you had not gotten the opportunity to meet before Christmas, and you desperately missed him. Not only because it had been so long, but also because right now he was the only person who would be able to cheer you up.

Getting up from the floor, you walked over to your bed, where your mobile phone was charging. There had been a strict no-mobile-policy at the table today, not that your uncle had cared much about that, so you had left your mobile in your room. The second before your pressed the button to turn on the screen, you found yourself hoping that there would be at least a couple of messages from friends, but the only notification you had gotten was one of your co-worker’s Instagram, because she had posted a sickly sweet selfie of herself and her fiancé under the Christmas tree. Angrily you closed the app, and pulled up your phonebook.

You wanted to be happy too, you wanted to take sickly sweet selfies with your boyfriend, preferably Ryan, too, you wanted to go to Christmas markets with friends, wanted to put silly decorations up on your Christmas tree, wanted to have one of these picture book Christmas Days that everyone else pretended to have. Clenching your jaw, in order not to cry, you pressed Ryan’s name, patiently waiting for the lines to connect. There was some rustling on the other end, when he picked up.

“I can’t talk right now, I’m driving, I’ll call you back (y/n).”

And then he hung up.

Taking a deep breath, you sat down on your bed. You knew it was right that Ryan did not want to talk while driving; he had no hands-free-kit. But your best friend not being able to talk to you when you needed him so much, fit so perfectly into this stupid day.

Downstairs people were talking. Your mother and grandmothers had disappeared into the kitchen, and your dad had wanted to show your uncle the newest external hard discs he had acquired, so you had taken the opportunity to get a moment for yourself, but now they had seemed to notice that you were missing. Knowing your quiet seconds were running out, you took a deep breath, and tried to think of anything that was not Christmas, your family, or Ryan.

Outside a car drove up the street, and you wondered if their Christmas had been as shitty as yours. But then the car slowed down, and you realised that, while you only recognised the sound of a single car in this world, this car had just stopped outside your house. Quickly you got up, and ran to your window, just to be sure, but of course it was Ryan’s car, that had pulled to the side of the street, right in front of your garden.

Forgetting that just a moment ago you had been all sad and close to tears, you ran out of your room, and almost bumped into your mother, who was on her way up the stairs.

“There you are,” she noticed, out of breath from still not having recovered from her flu.

“Here I am,” you agreed, and slipped past her, but you were not quick enough to reach the ground floor before the doorbell rang. Your uncle opened up, and even from one floor above, you could feel his judging glare at your best friend.

“Hello?” Your uncle asked, and you sped up your steps even more, desperate to save Ryan from getting any weird comments thrown at him.

“Hi, merry Christmas!” Ryan’s voice was as cheerful as ever, as if he had not noticed the hostility in your uncle’s voice.

“Who are you,” you uncle asked, and you knew he was close to throwing the door shut again.

“Oh, I’m a friend of- (y/n)!”

Almost falling over your own feet you finally reached the hallway, and came to a stop next to your uncle.

“Ryan! What are you doing here,” you asked, out of breath from running across the whole house.

“I’m here to wish you a merry Christmas! I brought cookies.”

Grinning brightly, he held out a tin box for you.

“We already had tea,” you uncle stated, and already reached for the door to close it into Ryan’s face, but you were quicker.

“Thank you so much, please come in.”

Ryan grinned and handed you the box, before he took off his shoes, and stepped into the warm house.

What followed was a long introduction to your whole family, your uncle and aunt being terribly displeased as to why someone who was not family dared coming over on Christmas Day, your grandparents not really caring, and your mother being delighted to see Ryan again; she had always liked him.

Luckily none of your family members seemed too keen on the company of the band shirt, leather jacket, skinny ripped jeans wearing musician, so you soon excused yourself to your room.

While Ryan had been over at your parents’ house a couple of times, he had never been to your old room, so you were not surprised to find him looking around curiously. You walked over to your bed and turned on the fairy lights that were wrapped around the head board, and lit the candle that stood in the window. When you turned back to Ryan, he awkwardly stood in the middle of the room.

“Come on, take your jacket off, sit down,” you encouraged, and walked over to your bed, sitting down yourself, patting the spot next to you.

Ryan shrugged off his jacket, and crawled on the bed, sitting crossed legged next to you.

“This is comfy,” he laughed, running his fingers over your soft day blanket.

“Thanks,” you laughed, “That’s why I own it.”

“Oh really! I thought it was because you knew the colour would make such a perfect addition to my clothes today,” Ryan joked and pulled the edge of the blanked over his legs as if he was posing for a camera.

“Idiot,” you grinned, and gently hit his leg, making him laugh even more, before he let himself fall to his back, his head resting on your pillow, his dark hair spreading around his head like a little halo. He looked so beautiful like that, you caught yourself thinking, and you wished you would get to see that every day.

“So your Christmas-” Ryan turned his head to look at you, “seems to be going well?”

You groaned and lay down next to him.

“Absolutely fantastic, as you probably already could tell from my uncle welcoming you so warmly,” you mumbled.

“I already guessed that much when you said your whole family was coming over,” he admitted, “is that why you called?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t take it anymore. Down there I feel like I’m suffocating. It’s- it’s like I’m completely out of place. Everyone is so proud of my cousin for getting that promotion, and for getting married, and she’s gonna have a baby, and they were so cute at the wedding, and oh my god!” You mockingly imitated your aunt’s fake high pitched voice. “But that she only got pregnant because she doesn’t know what a fucking condom is, and that the father was some poor random guy in a club who thought he could have a one-night stand with some chick, and then got forced into marrying her by my family, that’s what nobody mentions.” Annoyed you huffed. “Instead they are being portrayed as if they were the absolute dream couple now, and I’m expected to be just as brilliant as them.”

You couldn’t help the ramble, but it felt good venting to someone. Of course Ryan had already known the whole story, but he also knew that since the wedding in autumn, your family, especially your grandparents, had started to ask stupid questions, and you were almost certain downstairs was a big debate going on about what kind of relationship you had with Ryan.

“But you’re not, you’re more brilliant,” Ryan nudged your shoulder gently, a soft smile on his lips as you turned your head to look at him.

“Ha, that’s nice,” you responded, and you were not sure if you were being sarcastic or sincere.

“No, but seriously, you’re doing great too, in your own way! Hey, have you even told them that you’re going to be our official photographer from next year on?”

You smiled too, remembering how the label had, admittedly with a little encouragement from Ryan, who had gently nudged them into the right direction, asked you if you were interested in being iDKHOW’s photographer, and had offered you a contract, which you had gladly taken. The main problem about mentioning something like that to your extended family already started with your job itself. To them photography was no real job, since “everybody can take pictures”. And then telling them you would travel around the country with a band would probably start a civil war in your parents’ living room.

“Not yet, I thought about telling my parents over the weekend,” you explained, “if I break the news while my uncle and my grandparents are still here, we’ll have to call the cops or something because they’ll start bashing each other’s heads in.”

Ryan nodded, and for a while you were laying on the bed quietly, both thinking about your own problems. Or rather, Ryan was thinking about your problems with your family, and you were thinking about Ryan.

“Oh wait,” suddenly he sat up again, “I got you something.”

Jumping off the bed, he walked over to the door where he had put up his jacket on a hanger. Remembering you also had gotten him a tiny Christmas present, you lay on your stomach to reach over to the bed side table, from which you pulled the small bag with his gift.

Quicker than you expected, he was back on the bed next to you, tickling your sides, making you laugh until you were out of breath.

When he finally let you go, you sat up; hair dishevelled, and face red from laughing so hard.

“Here.” Grinning you stretched out your hand, offering him the small, velvet bag.

“No, you first,” he insisted, handing you a small box.

It was black, made from thick paper, and had a golden embossing, displaying the name of a jeweller’s shop. Carefully you opened the box, and found a thin, silver necklace. The links were so tiny that you wondered how it was even possible to craft something so delicate. The pendant was equally small and fragile, but you immediately recognized the round shape as a cymbal from a drum set, even the black logo of the Meinl company was realistically carved into the silver.

“That’s like giving me a necklace that says ‘this person belongs to Ryan Seaman’,“ you laughed, knowing that Ryan only played with cymbals from the Meinl company.

Ryan just grinned and shrugged with a smile, as he watched your take out the necklace.

“What’s that date?”

You had turned around the pendant, and found a date edged into the back of it.

“That’s when we first met,” Ryan confessed, “at that concert, remember?”

Of course you remembered. A friend had asked you to accompany her to a concert, and you had agreed, even though you had not known the band, but you had taken the liberty to practice your photographing skills a little. After the show you had bumped into Ryan at the bar, and recognised him as the drummer. You probably would not have payed too much attention to him on stage had your friend not pointed out that he was just jumping in for the regular drummer who had gotten terribly ill. Somehow your friend had timed her comment exactly to a moment in which Ryan was playing especially passionately, and you had been unable to tear your eyes off of him for the rest of the show. When you and your friend recognised him, she insisted on talking to him, and that’s how you had gotten to know each other.

“Has it really been this long,” you wondered, running your fingertips over the date of several years ago.

“Crazy, right,” Ryan nodded, watching you as you marvelled at the jewellery.

“Can you help me?” Holding out the necklace to him, you turned around a little.

He scooted closer, and took it out of your hands.

“Can you pull your hair aside,” he asked quietly, and you did as he asked, before he opened the clasp, and carefully put the fragile necklace around your neck. Trying to close the clasp again he struggled slightly, and it took a moment. His fingers were warm as they slightly brushed against the skin of your nape, and the tiny touch sent a shiver down your spine.

“Done,” he eventually noted, “this clasp is seriously tiny.”

You smiled and turned back to him, your fingers automatically moving to the small pendant that was now resting on your pullover.

“Thank you so much, this is perfect,” you beamed.

“I’m glad you like it.”

For a long while you just looked at each other. It felt like you were getting lost in his dark brown eyes, a soft expression on his face as he took you in.

Suddenly there was a crash downstairs, followed by howling laughter, which tore you back into reality.

“Oh, I got you something too,” you finally remembered.

Once more you held out the small, velvet bag for Ryan to take, and this time he did.

Slowly he pulled open the two strings that had held the bag closed, and shook out a bracelet, made from cold shining steel. Between the links, exactly in the middle of the bracelet, was a plate, with an engraving.

“World’s Best Drummer,” Ryan read out loud, and laughed, “Seriously?”

“Well, I’m biased, but yeah,” you grinned, feeling yourself blush.

Honestly, you had debated for a long time whether you really should give Ryan the bracelet, but in the end it could either be funny or romantic, and as long as he would not explicitly ask, he would never know which of those two you had intended.

“This year is really drums centred, ey,” he joked, “help me?”

He held both his hand with the bracelet, and the other wrist out to you, so you scooted closer and took the metal out of his hand, and even though you had tried not to touch him, your fingertips brushed over his, the sensation shooting through your nervous system like a lightning bolt. The jewellery was heavy in your hand, and with skilled fingers you opened the clasp like Ryan had done with your necklace earlier.

He already held out his left hand for you, so you quickly wrapped the small chain around his wrist, and tried to close the clasp, but like him, you lost grip on the fine mechanics, and the one end of the bracelet slipped away. Nervously you looked at Ryan, but he was completely focused on your hands, watching how you tried to close the small carabiner hook. Quickly you focused back on the task, your fingers shaking slightly, which did not help. Finally, after almost half a dozen tries, you caught the eyelet, and were able to let go of the metal. Intending to pull back, you released an internal sigh, but suddenly, before you were able to move away too far, Ryan’s hands closed around yours, gently taking hold of them.

“Your hands are cold,” he noted, his voice barely above a whisper.

You just nodded. His hands were way bigger than yours, warm, and dry, steady, and somehow so familiar, even though he had never held your hands like this. A part of your mind was trying to panic, trying to make your heart race in your chest, trying to make you blush, but a bigger part suddenly felt very calm. Ryan’s presence alone always made you happier and calmer, and now that he was holding your hands, you felt completely at peace.

You knew he was watching your face, but you kept your eyes fixed on your hands, on the way his fingers wrapped around yours, and how he drew small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

After a while you grew aware of how close you were actually sitting; both facing each other, crossed legged, so close that your knees bumped against each other, your hands hanging between your bodies while Ryan played with your fingers, which you still had not averted your gaze from. Over time both of you had lent in, so that your foreheads were almost resting against each other, but only almost.

Downstairs voices were laughing too loudly; probably your mother had pulled out the egg nog, hoping to dissolve the tension. But this time neither Ryan nor you cared. You just looked at how his long, elegant fingers were brushing over yours again and again, an invisible pattern to an inaudible rhythm.

Somehow it filled you with sadness, thinking that this might be the only time you would hold hands with Ryan, and as if he had heard your thoughts, he tightened his grip around your hands, making you look up at him.

His face was a lot closer than you had expected, so close that you could feel the warm air of every single of his exhales on your skin. Everything about Ryan seemed to be warm, warm and safe and soft and inviting. Even his eyes held warmth as they scanned your face. The crinkles he had when he was smiling were gone, but there was softness in his gaze that you had never seen like this before. His skin was even and smooth, except for the jaw and around his lips, where he was not cleanly shaven.

You wonder if you had ever seen him shaven cleanly. Probably not. Your eyes wandered over his lips, which looked so kissable right now, or rather: always. When your gaze had wandered back to his eyes, you found he had been watching you the whole time. Curiously he tilted his head, just a tiny bit, and a smile pulled on his lips. And there they were, the crinkles, immediately playing around his eyes again, making you smile just as softly. You held his gaze, the strange feeling of him being able to look into your soul overcoming you all of a sudden.

Slowly your smiles faded, the expression of both of your faces just as loving as before. For a moment Ryan’s eyes flickered down to your lips, but when he looked back at your eyes, and you did not move to pull away, he took the courage and leant in, gently pressing his lips to yours in a hesitant kiss.

Even though you had seen it coming, your breath hitched, and your heart skipped a beat. His lips were soft, chapped, but soft, and just as warm as you had always imagined. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you shivered slightly when he let go of one of your hands, placing it at the side of your face, carefully holding you in place. For a good while the kiss stayed shy, timid, but as if suddenly something had snapped in Ryan, he unfolded his knees, and pushed you over, so you were on your back, never breaking the kiss, and instead deepening it. Since he had let go of your hands now, using the second to hold himself up over you so you were not crushed by his weight, you finally had the opportunity to use your hands too, one of them immediately traveling to the back of his neck, pulling him in closer, while you gripped into his shirt with the other.

You had started to feel lightheaded a while ago, as if you were drifting away from the ground, and holding onto Ryan gave you the feeling to stay on the floor, until you realised your light-headedness originated in the lack of oxygen. But you could not care any less about that, not right now. Ryan was kissing you so desperately and so sweetly, that nothing else mattered. It was felt he was pouring all of the emotions he had ever felt about you into that kiss, wave after wave, not leaving a speck of doubt that he might not feel the same for you as you felt for him. Later you would learn that he had almost immediately fallen in love with you, from the first moment on, and that’s how he had remembered the date you had first met. But in that moment, in which he kissed you, that was just a distant suspicion, and did not matter, because your mind was too occupied trying to convey your own emotions as well as taking in all the feelings you were getting from him.

The peaceful moment was rudely interrupted by a heavy knock on the door, which made Ryan and you pull apart.

“(y/n), uncle and aunt are leaving, and they want you to say good bye,” you mother spoke through the door.

Quietly you sighed, and opened your eyes. Ryan’s face was closely hovering over yours, his cheeks pinks, his lips red and swollen, an annoyed but also slightly amused expression on his face.

“I’ll be down in a moment,” you answered your mother, loud enough for her to hear through the closed door.

When you heard her steps moving away from your room, you sighed again, this time a little louder.

“Merry Christmas,” you shook your head, clearly being sarcastic.

Ryan moved so you could sit up, and brushed a strand of hair out of your face, a grin plastered on his face as he felt you lean into his touch.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered softly, and kissed you again.

Taglist (if you want to be added or taken off, please let me know):

General: @justawriterinprogress @robinruns @jayloverthe3rd @lookalivefrosty @butterfly-writes​ @angelevansfalls​ @rene-royale​ @500240​

[sparklyicecube]

Houseki No Gift Exchange - A Gamer’s Christmas

 To: @diisuke

From: @sparklyicecube

Merry Christmas~

“A Rutile, nice! Here Phos, take it. You could use a boost.”

“Nah, I know you’ve been eyeing that gem for your collection anyway.”

“Phos. You have 13hp left.”

“But Moony, it’s a Rutile though, I know you wanted to get at least one of these~"

“Fine! I’ll take it.”

“Yes, take it! I know you want it.”

“It is a really amazing item though; it can heal your hp and it’s super valuable…”

“Exactly, so take it!”

“I will!”

“Phosphophylitte! Are you flirting with your Moony-chan again?” Antarcticite’s voice rang out from beyond Phos’s headset.

Phos went red from the comment, even though Moonwalkerpatrol and them decided to date they had not gotten used to it all. Antarcticite leaned down and pulled the mic of the headset to their own mouth, pressing their ear to the side of the headset.

“Hello Moonwalkerpatrol, as much as I enjoy seeing Phos spend time with other, respectable people, they do have an exam tomorrow and they need to sleep.”

“Oh, no problem, I have an exam tomorrow too. Phos watch out-! “

Antarc and Phos watched the screen flash as Phos got killed by a stray monster.

“I told you to take the Rutile.” Came Cinnabar’s amused voice. “Goodnight Phos, sweet dreams.”

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

“I’m going to ask to meet them today, we can meet up in real life!” Phos was skipping down the pavement on the way to school, Antarc following close behind.

“No gaming in class.” Reminded Antarcticite.

“Haiiiiiiiii.”

As they entered the classroom through the back door Phos saw Cinnabar look up at them, through their bright red hair their eyes made eye contact, Phos hid behind Antarc, hiding from Cinnabar in way any onlookers would describe as comedic.

The class was still incomplete, and students were openly talking, gossiping and laughing, Cinnabar was vaguely aware of dying in the game they were playing.

“I told you Phos hates me.” Bort looked up from the notebook they were writing in at Cinnabar’s statement.

“They don’t hate you Cinnabar,” Cinnabar looked dejectedly at their own notebook, “They’re just scared of you.” Cinnabar slumped slightly lower.

“Way to go in making me feel better.” No one in class had anything against Cinnabar, they just weren’t close to them, no one but Phos it seemed.

Bort put down their pen, a slightly guilty expression on their face. “Look, Phos just doesn’t know you well enough, which is fair since no one really does, but maybe if you make more of an effort to talk to them, they’ll like you more?”

Cinnabar thought for a while, then took their phone and opened an app, a game to be precise. “You know this game?”

Bort leaned over to look at the game. “Yeah, of course I have, you play it all the time in chemistry.”

“Well, this is the mobile version, at home I play it on my PC, but either way, I’m dating this- “

“You’re dating?!” Bort wasn’t loud enough for the whole school to hear but it certainly was loud enough for most of the class to turn around. “Sorry. They’re a real person right?”

“Yes to both, I mean, I think so. We act like we’re dating, and we say we love each other before we go offline, and we send virtual kisses, but we’ve never really said we were dating? I mean except that one time but I’m not sure whether it was a joke. Anyway. I’m 99% sure I know who I’m dating.”

“You know they could be scamming you, or catfishing you, or trying to kill you…”

“Okay one, you are paranoid, and two, look at their username!” Cinnabar pointed to the username that read: Phos3.5.

Bort slowly looked at Cinnabar, then at Phos who was sitting nearer the front trying to balance a pencil on the back of their pinkie finger, back to the username, they let out a small chuckle.

“This is funny to you isn’t it.”

“I don’t know it just seems like a cheesy drama, either way if you’ve managed to date Phos in the game you definitely can date in real life, right? I mean I don’t get your taste but if you guys are already dating it won’t be that hard. Find out whether they are really the same person though, otherwise it’ll be awkward.”

“I- “Cinnabar got cut short by their chemistry teacher coming in, Bort immediately switched focus to the material and the lesson while Cinnabar took out their phone to text the number that Phos gave them a while ago.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Hi 😊

Phos3.5:                    Hiii!!! 😊😊😊

Phos3.5:                    What’s up?

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Nothing, just wanted to see how you were doing

Phos3.5:                    Im doing fine!!! Class is boring though…

Find out whether they are the same person.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     What class are you having?

Phos3.5:              Chemistry I think?

Moonwalkerpatrol:     You think?

Cinnabar looked up and stretched their neck to look at Phos, who was, in fact, typing under the table.

“Cinnabar, you seem excited, could you tell me the last step of crystallisation?” Cinnabar immediately shrunk back, looking at the board in hope that it would offer some sort of help.

“I-in an experiment for salt? O-or for gemstones?”  

“In an experiment to obtain salt.”

Cinnabar stuttered for a bit when Bort subtly slid over their notes. “Uh, turning off the heat and letting the rest of the water evaporate naturally.”

“Correct.” Cinnabar shrunk back into their seat, face burning after a having to speak in front of the whole class, sinking their head into their arms.

*Ping* *Ping* *Ping* *Ping*

Cinnabar looked up at their phone, which was dinging quietly with notifications. If that new fighting game that they downloaded was the culprit then it could be deleted, it wasn’t that interesting. It wasn’t, indeed, the new fighting game, instead they were looking at 35 new messages from Phos3.5.

Phos3.5:                    MOONY      

Phos3.5:                    Are you there?

Phos3.5:                    R u ok?

Phos3.5:                    Where are you?

Phos3.5:                    Answer me I’m getting worried

Phos3.5:                    You could see my messages then you couldn’t, are you ok?

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Srry

Phos3.5:                    OMG are you okay???

Moonwalkerpatrol:     I’m okay, just contemplating why I’m alive

Phos3.5:                    ☹

Phos3.5:                    Is it smth I said?

Phos3.5:                    Im sorry

Phos3.5:                    I love you tho

Moonwalkerpatrol:     I’m sorry, it’s not your fault!

Phos3.5:                    You’re alive cus you’re an amazing person

Phos3.5:                    And you probably are an amazing person in real life too

Phos3.5:                    You’re great at gaming but you’re also really good in making me feel good

Phos3.5:                    And you’re probably really pretty too

Phos3.5:                    But even if you aren’t you’re beautiful inside and I know that for a fact.

Cinnabar stared at the texts that had overwhelmingly positive compliments that were flowing in unprompted and unconditionally.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Sorry… just thinking of stuff and got distracted so I didn’t see your messages

Phos3.5:                    Haha, there was some poor kid who got picked on by Sensei to say the answer, I would’ve helped them but I didn’t really know the answer either…

Moonwalkerpatrol:     …I feel sorry for them

Phos3.5:                    Yeah… they’re sorta scary but they are sorta pretty too. I’m sure you’re pretty too tho

Cinnabar mentally processed the fact that Phos called their real self pretty, giving them the confidence that spurred them to text their next message.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     About real life tho, do you want to meet up sometime? Like, in real life?

Phos stared at their phone in awe, with wide, wavering eyes, ignoring the teacher entirely.

Phos3.5:                    AAAAAAA I was thinking the same thing!!!

Phos3.5:                    Wait that wasn’t a typo right? You don’t mean the Ruby Stadium on level 5 right?

Phos3.5:                    Or the Shackle Ruins that we usually meet at

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Nope

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Uh actually

Cinnabar took a deep breath, ironic as they were texting and not speaking.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     I go to a school called Gakuen Houseki, we could meet at the gates at some point?

Phos3.5:                    OMG!

Phos3.5:                    I GO THERE TOO!

Phos3.5:                    THIS IS AMAZING!

The bell rang, signalling the end of this period and the start of the next one, Bort was flipping through their notes trying to memorise as much as possible. Antarc lightly smacked Phos.

“What?” Phos questioned, still on a high.

“Class, as you – should – already know we have an exam today. Books aside, pencil cases out and phones away, I’m looking at you Phos.” Phos reluctantly put their phone away as the class plunged into a concentrated area of fear and concentration.

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

“So, they go to our school, and they want to meet you.” Antarcticite confirmed, walking back home after school.

“Yep! We just have to decide on a date.”

“Where are you guys going to go?”

Phos hm’d for a while, staring up at the sky. “I don’t know, maybe… the Waffle House?”

“Not the place I’d go for my first date, but I won’t judge.” Phos reddened at the statement, only really registering the ‘meet up’ aspect and not considering that it might be their first legitimate date.

Once they got home Phos rushed to the computer and started it up.

“Hi Moony-kun,” chimed Phos as they connected their headsets.

“Hi Phos. How was your exam?”

“I’m pretty sure I bombed it, you?”

“I don’t pay attention in Biology so...”

“You had a Bio test too? Do you have Alexandrite sensei too?”

“Yeah, that sensei is tough, they give tests all the time.”

“So, when do we meet? Wednesday?”

Cinnabar considered this, it was Monday, but the Waffle House Cinnabar was thinking of going to only served their favourite dish on Sunday.

“Sunday maybe? I want to take you somewhere, but the best dish is only served on Sunday.”

“I have somewhere I wanna take you too! We’ll take turns then.”

The game started and they both turned from discussing their Sunday plans to screaming strategy.

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

The days went by a little too slowly, Phos was sprawled on the grass tearing apart flowers while Antarc was trying to help teach them the homework, inside the classroom was a very different atmosphere.

“Cinnabar, are you okay?” Jade looked at them in concern, Cinnabar was killing zombies on their phone, letting off some steam.

“Yeah, it was just a dumb argument anyway.” Cinnabar mumbled.

“Well… Dia is crying in the janitor’s closet right now and refuses to come out so I was wondering whether you were okay. It’s okay to not be okay.”

Cinnabar suddenly felt the world’s eyes on them, like in a click of the switch, or the reality of Jade’s words just crashing into them like a bullet train. If Cinnabar were to be honest with themselves, they legitimately did not feel bad about the argument, it was dumb, they should apologise, and they felt slightly ashamed for running their mouth like that, but not hurt. That scared them. Now Dia, one of the softest, kindest students in the class was off crying in the closet because of something that they did. It should hurt. Cinnabar should be feeling sadness, or anger, but all they’re feeling is guilt. This overwhelming guilt and a gnawing voice that tells them that everything they touch crumbles and dies, is stained or shattered.

Cinnabar noticed a soft *ping* from their phone.

Phos3.5:                    Heyyyyyy

Phos3.5:                    Im bored

Phos3.5:                    You’re not in class right

Cinnabar thought about it, about seeing Phos and knowing and being with them in person, not just behind a screen or from across the classroom. Phos was pure, innocent and kind. They wouldn’t want someone like them anyway.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Actually, I’ve been thinking that this isn’t really sustainable.

Phos3.5:                    Busting out the big words? Haha

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Phos, I think it’s best if we don’t see each other on Sunday. This wasn’t going to work out anyway.

Phos3.5:                    I don’t get it, are you cancelling our date?

Cinnabar bit their tongue at the word ‘date’, forcing tears back into their eyes.

Moonwalkerpatrol:     Not just the date, I think we should break up.

Phos stared at the words in disbelief, everything was going fine, they didn’t have a fight or anything! Moonwalker couldn’t just… they couldn’t just leave like that.

Phos3.5:                    But why?

Phos3.5:                    What happened?

Phos3.5:                    We can work this out, talking is always the best, keeping everything inside isn’t going to help.

Phos3.5:                    Moonwalker?

Cinnabar couldn’t bear to look at the messages, turning off their phone and packing their things.

“Cinnabar!” Cinnabar spun around, trying to break the grip that Bort had on their arm, “It’s only lunch time, you aren’t going home are you?” Cinnabar bit back tears, forcing them to stay in their eyes and not drip down.

“And if I am? You can’t stop me.”

“Look, Dia is sensitive and cracks easily, but that doesn’t mean you can just run away from it.”

“This isn’t about Dia okay? Let me go!”

“No, I can report you to the teacher for trying to skip class and they’ll have record of it, do you want a black mark?”

“Oh, now you’re threatening me?” Cinnabar felt a trickle slowly make its way down their cheek. “Just leave me alone.”

Bort sighed and let go. Cinnabar didn’t bolt or run, just sat down and put their head in their arms.

“It’s okay to talk about it you know. I’m really bad with people but I won’t judge.” When Cinnabar turned their head slightly to peer at Bort the other had sat down and was looking at them with almost reassuring eyes, their words echoed Phos’s too much to ignore. Phos.

“I-I broke up with Phos.” Bort looked taken aback.

“Before or after the fight?”

“After. It’s just, whenever I do anything it just hurts everyone around me: Dia, you – I don’t want Phos to be the next one.” Cinnabar rested their cheek on their arms, eyes almost but not quite closed.

“Well firstly, it’s going to take a lot more than being a bit angry to hurt me, so I can be taken off your list of victims thank you very much.” Bort paused, sensing that it might not have been the best thing to start with. “But secondly, you have been nothing but kind to Phos. You’re a bit rough on the edges but it isn’t a guarantee that they’ll get hurt because you’re there, if that was true you would’ve hurt them by now from how long you tell me you’ve been together.”

“Phos deserves better than me.”

“I would actually argue that you could do better than Phos.” Cinnabar glared at Bort, who managed to get the point. “Either way, aren’t you hurting them way more by dumping them?”

Cinnabar felt like the world was sucking out their soul, slowly reeling it into the darkness.

“It’s better that I hurt them now rather than have them be hurt by me many times in the future.”

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

Phos was crying, while Antarc hugged them, seething with rage but trying their best to have a reassuring, comforting aura. They bit back insults towards Moonwalker as they knew it wouldn’t make Phos feel any better, but they sit were angry that anyone would hurt Phos like that.

“I-I don’t know *sniff* why they would do that. I- *sniff* I didn’t say anything wrong, did I?” Antarc handed them a tissue.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Phosphophylitte, in no way was it your fault.” Antarc bit back the unsaid ‘It was Moonwalker’s fault’. “Come on now, wipe your tears and toughen up. We can learn from this that unexpected things can happen, even if they are unpleasant. We can’t fight it; all we can do is stand up afterwards. So get up, that’s it.” Antarc helped Phos get on their feet, still blowing into the tissue. The warning bell rang, Antarc shouldered Phos’s things for them.

Cinnabar watched them walk into the class, Phos with red eyes and sniffing and Dia being quiet and down. They buried their head in their hands.

Antarc scanned the classroom, for once not paying attention to the lesson as much. There was only one class having a Biology test on Monday and that was their class, if Moonwalkerpatrol was from their school (which most likely they were telling the truth as they could chat with Phos about a particular teacher) then they would be in this class. Antarc heard Moonwalkerpatrol’s voice before, they could remember hearing something similar in one of their classes, but they couldn’t remember who…

“Could Bort’s group present next?” Bort nudged Cinnabar, who was the other member in the group.

“Is Cinnabar okay?” The teacher looked mildly concerned.

“They just,” Bort hesitated, “Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Cinnabar sat up, “I’m fine,” they said quietly.

The two got to the front of the class and presented, Cinnabar said the information they needed to, in as loud a voice as they could since the teacher interrupted them several times to say they needed to be louder. The entire class’s eyes were on them, they could feel it. They could feel the stares, the whispers, Cinnabar glanced towards Phos, who was staring at them with slightly narrowed eyes, Cinnabar broke eye contact and looked away guiltily. That made them feel worse. The other groups did their presentations, they had another class, and finally the bell rang to signal the end of the day.

“Phos, you walk home first okay? I have something to do first.” Antarc said after class.

“Oh, okay.”

Antarc walked to the back of the classroom where Cinnabar sat.

“Hey.” Cinnabar jerked their head up, looking Antarcticite in the eye, that was another reason they knew it was Phos, because they were sure it was Antarc’s voice through the headset sometimes as well. They averted their eyes to their notebook. “You’re Moonwalkerpatrol aren’t you.”

Cinnbar nodded, with only the barest of movement to indicate confirmation.

“Are you trying to pick on Cinnabar?” Came Bort’s voice, with Bort glaring at Antarc, the two locked in a fierce battle with knives and swords and saws clashing.

“Cinnabar just dumped Phos over text with no indication why after they were the one to ask them to meet in real life. If that doesn’t sound like asshole material, I don’t know what will!”

“Cinnabar might seem like an ice queen, but they can’t be because you obviously claim that throne. They feel really bad about it, and literally only did that because they are an insecure person who for some reason doesn’t think they’re good enough for someone as lame as Phos!”

Cinnabar was surprised that Bort was standing up for them but with every word from either of their mouths they sunk lower into their chair, wishing they could disappear, wishing they could go away, wishing-

“SHUT UP! Both of you!”

Cinnabar looked up to see none other than Phosphophylitte them self, arms straight out beside them after stomping their foot.

“Phos, I thought you went back.”

“Well after I figured out who Moonwalkerpatrol was, did you really think I’d go? Antarc, I get that you care about me, and that you’re angry but this has nothing, nothing to do with you.” Phos grabbed Cinnabar’s hand, who was still in shock, and pulled them out of the classroom.

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

Cinnabar breathed out, with their breath appearing as a misty steam in the cold, winter air. They were still holding onto Phos’s hand, which wasn’t pulling at theirs anymore, there was no point for their hands to be linked except for the fact that it never felt right for them to let go. The silence was rather comforting, there was a hint of frost on the pavement and a cooling breeze. Cinnabar felt Phos shiver.

“Are you okay?” Cinnabar realised that Phos’s hand was cold and stopped.

“I’m fine, just a bit cold, I didn’t bring my jacket…” Cinnabar considered this, they hadn’t brought a jacket either, but something caught their eye.

“C’mon, let’s go inside.”

Both stepped into the Waffle House, the warmth washing over them.

“Ah, I have some money in my pocket, let’s get something.” Cinnabar hadn’t used their lunch money; they had decided to skip today, and lunch had been a bit hectic.

After both were seated with warm wraps and a milkshake, Phos decided to break the silence.

“I’ll pay you back.” They blurted, after having taken a bite and feeling a bit warmer.

“You really don’t need to; they don’t cost much anyway. Besides, I owe you.”

Phos put down their wrap. “Moony-kun, you don’t owe me anything, you know that right? Yes, I was upset, but not with you, just the fact that I didn’t know why. I understand now, and I still love you just as much.”

“Ah, see that, right there. You forgave me so easily. I don’t deserve that.”

“Yes, you do. That isn’t arguable. Now eat your wrap, it’s going cold and you look underweight.”

Cinnabar obediently bit into the wrap, it was genuinely delicious and filled Cinnabar with a warmth that coursed through their body.

“When did you become so responsible?”

“What do you mean? I’ve always been more mature than my age.” They both laughed, Phos trying to drink the milkshake and getting whipped cream on the side of their mouth due to not being able to stay still.

“There you go, being soooo grown up.”  Cinnabar said, using their thumb to wipe the whipped cream off, then promptly licking it off their thumb.

Phos gasped, “Moony-chan! - Cinnabar - that was an indirect kiss!”

“Well firstly, you can still call me Moony if you want to but my name is Cinnabar so you can call me whatever you like. Secondly,” Cinnabar leaned closer to Phos, “Aren’t we dating already?”

Phos turned as red as well, a Cinnabar, and made a failed attempt at hiding behind their wrap.

“So we are dating again. Good.” Phos lowered their wrap and looked at Cinnabar, “I’m really glad that Moonwalkerpatrol turned out to be you, you look prettier than your avatar in the game, and Aurora is pretty sexy.”

Cinnabar stared at Phos with their mouth agape, slowly flushing red. “You-you- when did you get smooth?!” Phos laughed at that and they continued chatting and talking as the clock moved its hands.

“I was planning on taking you here, they only have the blueberry delight waffle on Sunday,” mentioned Cinnabar.

“Same! For the exact same reasons! I guess if we went out on Sunday, we’d wouldn’t know what to do after Waffle House.

Just then the bells at the door dinged as it was opened, the two looked up as the shop had been fairly quiet. The two who came in were none other than Antarcticite and Bortz, bickering while holding twice the number of bags they should have been.

“Why would they come to the Waffle House?!”

“Well maybe not everyone is an ice queen and has warm blood running through their veins and so need some warmth!”

“That makes no sense, if your point is that humans are warm blooded creatures then that proves my point that your body can regulate its own body temperature.”

Antarc spotted Phos and Cinnabar, who were watching in amusement.

“There you are! You left and walked all the way here without your bag, money or even your jacket!”

“I’m fine, Cinnabar paid for the wraps and we talked things out. Everything is okay now.”

Bort and Antarc shared a look that wasn’t of pure hatred, and after putting the bags on the seats they both bowed.

“I’m sorry I got mad at you and yelled without knowing what happened.”

“I’m sorry for calling you lame and for yelling back without watching my tongue.”

Phos and Cinnabar looked at each other in pure amazement, then started to whisper to each other.

“I’m sure Antarcticite was the one who got Bort to do it, Bort has a ton of pride.”

“You clearly don’t know Antarc because when they think what they did was right they will never apologise.”

Phos noticed Bort and Antarc standing there awkwardly and pulled away, clearing their throat.

“Ahem. Cinnabar, should we accept their humble apology?”

“I believe we should.”

Bort sighed in relief. “Can we please get something to eat, those waffles are smelling really good right now.”

Antarc grabbed their wallet, “Yeah sure.”

(Houseki No Kuni Gift Exchange!)

“Hi Cinnabar~ Ready for Christmas break?”

“Yep! Ready to be done with school and finally try out that new action game.”

“You mean you haven’t tried it yet?”

Cinnabar looked at Phos in amusement. “We had like, four tests in the past week, where did you find time?” Cinnabar chuckled as Phos sputtered.

“Hi Cinnabar, hi Phos.”

“Good morning Dia,” Cinnabar greeted, Phos just waving as a reply.

“Where’s Antarc by the way?” asked Cinnabar.

“Something about making sure that the term-end project was the highest quality, they slept over at Bort’s place.” Phos grinned, “Isn’t a ‘class project’ the oldest excuse in the book for hanging out with someone?”

Cinnabar shrugged, “Hey, knowing those two they probably spent all that time actually doing the project.”

Right on cue Bort and Antarc arrived, panda-eyed and bickering as usual.

“Oh Phos, good to see you made it to school on time, hi Cinnabar.” Cinnabar waved and Phos greeted them back.

“Remember the rules,” reminded Bort.

“No flirting at the desk. We weren’t flirting though,” Cinnabar defended.

“Yeah, we were just wondering if you guys managed to complete your project.”

Bort and Antarc looked at each other, “Well we did, at 5am.”

“Who was it who wanted to add the history of it on top of everything?”

The two started bickering yet again, with Phos just shaking their head in mock disapproval and Cinnabar laughing.

“Those two just go into their own world don’t they.”

“Yep. Hey I came up with an experiment!”

“You and experiments. What is it?”

“Experiments are the only fun part of science okay? Anyway,” Phos took Cinnabar’s neck in their hands and they both kissed, deep and long with the warmness seeping in, enveloping both of them in a cosy feeling. When they were devoid of oxygen they broke apart, gasping for breath, simultaneously turning around to check for reactions.

“Aaaaaaand they’re still bickering.”

“If they didn’t notice that then they are definitely whipped.”

“Phos?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you even more.”

[syndullastars]

tagged by @brontes thank you !! ♡

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? like a 5.5 maybe

describe yourself in a hashtag? #AHHHHHHHH

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? does anyone actually like to do love scenes cause it seems like it’d be pretty uncomfortable to me

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? rolling with the punches

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? probably that i’m actually a mess hahaha

what’s your wake up ritual? bathroom, brush teeth, wash face, contacts, breakfast and then get dressed

what’s your go to bed ritual? bathroom, brush teeth, contacts out, read until i’m ready to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? depends on the season, but since we’re coming up on summer i’ll go with that twilight time of the evening between like 7 and 9 when the sun is setting and you can hear all the crickets and other insects singing and everything seems blanketed in this otherworldly glow

your go to for having a good laugh? old messages/videos/photos, cracky memes and shitposts

dream country to visit? new zealand

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my parents surprised us with a trip to disney once! my sister and i literally cried lmao

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers

vintage or new? depends, but usually new

who do you want to write your obituary? whoever wants to i guess

style icon? padme amidala (yes a fictional character)

what are three things you cannot live without? family, friends, and good stories

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? i use red pepper a lot, but not in everything. so probably too much salt

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my best friend, my sister, my mom

what’s your biggest fear in life? failing / not living up to my family’s expectations of me

window or aisle seat? window, but only if i know the people next to me. i get up way too many times to bother them if i don’t lol

what’s your current tv obsession? the clone wars :(

favorite app? apple music or messages, bc those are the ones i use most

secret talent? all my talents have long been put on display and used to give me stress lol

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? moving across the country for school probably

how would you define yourself in three words? perceptive, self-aware, empathetic

favorite piece of clothing you own? maybe my fila disruptors? basic i know but they're very stompy

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a nice pair of jeans i think

a superpower you would want? telepathy

what’s inspiring you in life right now? art and the people who make it

best piece of advice you’ve received? forgive and let go (but don’t forget)

best advice you’d give your teenage self? stop worrying so much about being well-behaved and fight back. tell people what you think even if they don’t want to hear it

a book everyone should read? everyone has different values and interests so i don’t think i can recommend one book that everyone should read

what would you like to be remembered for? being a good friend

how do you define beauty? beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so it’s whatever i think is beautiful, and also whatever anyone else thinks is beautiful

what do you love most about your body? if we’re talking about features then my eyes, but overall i’ve worked hard to get strong and i love how effortless everything feels now

best way to take a rest/decompress? lounging around and watching something, maybe with friends depending on my mood

favorite place to view art? i guess it depends on what type of art

if your life was a song, what would the title be? keep on

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano or saxophone

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? it would be small, just under my hairline on the back of my neck. but i would never get a tattoo anyway

dolphins or koalas? dolphins !!

what’s your spirit animal? i don’t think so

best gift you’ve ever received? probably books that i asked for

best gift you’ve given? i design a themed calendar for my best friend every year and she always really loves that, but also i did something very elaborate for my sister last christmas and she was laughing about it for weeks. the pieces are still arranged in a shrine in her room lol

what’s your favorite board game? clue, or trivial pursuit but only if it has a fun theme

what’s your favorite color? all of them!

least favorite color? there are no bad colors

diamond or pearls? pearls

drugstore makeup or designer? you could hand me one of each and i wouldn’t even know the difference

pilates or yoga? i’ve never done either so idk

coffee or tea? coffee but i like both

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? discombobulate, canoodle, phlegm

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark for sure

stairs or elevators? stairs, i hate elevators

summer or winter? both

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? just the thought of that makes me tired of every single food in existence lol

a dessert you don’t like? anything fancy

a skill you’re working on mastering? life drawing and general storyboarding stuff, for school and career purposes

best thing to happen to you today? the clone wars finale :((((

worst thing to happen to you today? also the clone wars finale :((((

best compliment you’ve ever received? a few of my friends have told me that i always know exactly what to say, and that makes me happy bc i try very hard to understand them and be what they need so i’m glad it pays off

favorite smell? pine trees and snow on the air, but also sunscreen and the sea

hugs or kisses? hugs

if you made a documentary, what would it be about? honestly it would be about star wars, but specifically george lucas and his vision and how the unique position the franchise is in, where multiple authors and creators are contributing to it at any given time + the disney rebranding + the fact that star wars fans have always seemed to adamantly want to discard lucas’ original intent has led to the way fan circles view star wars now and how wildly different those views can be from what lucas intended

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? the clone wars finale lol

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss

sweet or savory? savory

girl crush? natalie portman

how do you know you’re in love? i’ve only been in love once and it was a very fledgling thing but it was like, they’re always on your mind, seeing them is simultaneously like there’s no ground under your feet and also like there’s no oxygen in the room, and being with them makes you insane just the same as not being with them makes you insane

a song you can listen to on repeat? right now, youth by glass animals, but it always changes

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? definitely no one! my life is like a well organized library (even if maybe some books are missing or damaged lol) and i would hate to be dropped into an unsorted pile of books and have to organize all over again

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? well real life is kind of on hold but my cousins and i just merged our quarantine circles which is a lot of fun so there’s that lol

this is long so i’ll just tag a few: @yensofrivia @daenerystargaryes @elizabethswcnn @kristnbell ( feel free to ignore ofc ♡ )

[storiesforallfandoms]

73 questions tag

I was tagged by @machine-gun-casie

I’m not gonna tag anyone but feel free to do this if you want to!

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

Probably like a 5, I’m excited for the future but not excited about still beign in quarantine

Describe yourself in a hashtag

#overit

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Henry Cavill, Taron Egerton, Richard Madden, Colson Baker, Evan Peters, the list goes on

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

I’m such a bad theater kid right now cause I don’t know/can’t remember what a marquee is

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

There’s a lot people don’t know about me on here, in real life I’m basically an open book. But if I had to choose one fun fact about myself to put on the Internet I think it’d be this: I own 137 books and I’ve read 103 of them, but the number of books I’ve read in total my whole life is at least double that because I’ve been a massive bookworm for so long

What’s your wakeup ritual?

Wake up whenever my body is done sleeping (this quarantine got me fucked up), answer any texts I received while asleep and check to see what’s going on in the world, get up and get dressed, get breakfast, brush teeth, use Lush lip scrub (my lips are shitty from lip biting as a kid and the lip scrubs help so much), go on about my day

What’s your go to bed ritual?

Put on pajamas, brush teeth and do lip scrub again, read for an hour or so or play some games on my phone, go to sleep

What’s your favorite time of day?

Noon. I don’t know why, it just is

Your go to for having a good laugh?

YouTube videos, usually Vlog Squad or Shane Dawson videos

Dream country to visit?

Somewhere in Europe honestly. I don’t really care where

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

My best friend bought me Jeffree Star Cosmetics for Christmas this year and I legitametly screamed when she gave it to me

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Sneakers, my converse hightops to be specific

Vintage or new?

Vintage

Who do you want to write your obituary?

I honestly don’t know. I don’t like thinking about that stuff

Style Icon?

Don’t really have one

What are three things you can’t live without?

If we’re talking materialistic things I’d say my phone, my books, and my laptop (wanted to say a pen and notebooks for writing but that’s too so I’ll write on my laptop). If we’re not I’ll say my friends, family, and my dog

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

I only really bake so I guess like flour? XD

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

Ariana Grande (cause I’m in love with her), Machine Gun Kelly (cause I’m in love with him), and Eminem (because he’s my idol, but also that would be some drama between him and MGK and I live for that shit)

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Not living my life to the fullest

Window or aisle seat?

Window

What’s your current TV obsession?

Peaky Blinders and American Horror Story

Favourite app?

Tumblr, but tiktok is a close second

Secret talent?

I don’t think I have a secret one. I’m very open with the talents I have XD

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

Probably ziplining

How would you definite yourself in three words?

Creative, caring, nerd

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

I have these baggy pair of “mom jeans” and I’m so in love with them

Must have clothing item that everyone should have?

Something baggy. Baggy clothes are just so comfy I can’t even explain it

Superpower you would want?

Speed so I could go places and do things faster

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

Honestly everything inspires me. Like one minute I could be watching TV or talking to friends or something and next minute I have inspiration to write something

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

Don’t let people get away with treating you like dirt. It doesn’t matter if their friends, family, your significant other, whatever. You do not deserve someone who isn’t going to treat you right

Best advide you’d give your teenage self?

Honestly the same advice as above and I’d add: Don’t be afraid to leave your toxic friendships. You’ll find better people, but you have to leave the toxic ones first

A book that everyone should read?

Room, my favourite book of all time

What would you like to be remembered for?

For being a nice person

How do you define beauty?

Happiness is beauty. When you’re happy, like genuinely happy, you just light up and people can tell that you’re happy and I don’t know it’s just beautiful to me

What do you love most about your body?

My eyes and my lips. I think they’re my best features

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

Watch some funny videos or a funny show and lie back and just relax. Alternatively, if you’re in a relationship, I find cuddling or even just being in the presence of that person decompresses me

Favorite place to view art?

The local museum where I live. Within the past year or so they’ve expanded their art gallery section and it goes up two floors, it’s so beautiful

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

Stressed Out (by twenty one pilots)

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

Guitar. I’ve always wanted to play. I was in lessons but for some reason I didn’t play as often when I stopped going and eventually just wasn’t good at all anymore

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

I already have one on my forearm, but the next one I want to get is going on my back up around my shoulder (it’s gonna be a family tattoo)

Dolphins or koalas?

Dolphins

What’s your spirit animal?

For some reason the first answer that popped in my head was a butterfly so we’ll go with that

Best gift you’ve ever received?

The Jeffree Star Cosmetics makeup is up there but Christmas past my boyfriend got me a promise ring and it’s honestly the best thing I’ve ever gotten in my life

Best gift you’ve ever given?

When my boyfriend first started dating I promposed through a Christmas gift and it’s still my favourite gift that I’ve ever given him

What’s your favorite board game?

The Game of Life

What’s your favorite color?

Purple

Lease favorite color?

Green

Diamonds or pearls?

Diamonds

Drugstore makeup or designer?

Both

Blow-dry or air-dry?

Blow dry when I’m in a hurry but air dry when I have time

Pilates or yoga?

Yoga

Coffee or tea?

Neither, I’m a hot chocolate person

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

I don’t have an answer for this one...hmmm...

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

Dark

Stairs or elevator?

Depends on how many stairs

Summer or winter?

Summer

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

Chicken nuggets. I’ve basically lived off of them since I was a child

A dessert you don’t like?

Cheesecake

A skill you’re working on mastering?

None as of right now really

Best thing to happen to you today?

I might have an apartment (fingers crossed)

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

“I thought you were the cutest even after knowing you for seconds”

Favorite smell?

Vanilla

Hugs or kisses?

Kisses

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

A conspiracy theory documentary

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

I re-watched David Dobrik’s vlog where he gave his friend Heath his dream car and Heath’s reaction makes me cry every time

Lipstick or lip gloss?

Lipstick

Sweet or savoury?

Sweet

Girl crush?

Ariana Grande, Ruby Rose, Karen Gillan, Cara Delevingne

How you know you’re in love?

I can’t explain it. I just know that I am

Song you can listen to on repeat?

Candy by MGK

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

My dog so I could sleep all the time and wake up only to eat and go outdoors

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

To get out of quarantine

[omyeol]

chances - 02 | kjm

word count: 3,500+

genre: angst, fluff, but mostly angst tho. 

<< story masterlist >> | << writing masterlist >> 

If there was one decision that Minhyo regretted, it was the measly decision to move back into her apartment that hadn’t been lived in for two years. She couldn’t help but admit that at first, the thought of having the freedom of living alone was so appealing. The memory of watching TV only in her undergarments and having cooking experiments in her kitchen solidified her decision to move back into her old apartment. Intending to have her freedom of living alone back, she packed her things and called her brother to help her with the move.

What she didn’t expect, though, was to be hit by so many memories once she stepped into the quiet, dark apartment.

The empty shoe rack by the front door reminded her of how full it used to be with her shoes, and occasionally with her friends’ shoes when they came over for dinner and having drinks. Sometimes, the shoe rack would be so full that she didn’t even realize her friend borrowed one of her shoes until she got the text. Sometimes, the shoe rack wouldn’t only full of her shoes, but Junmyeon sometimes would leave one of his shoes and his precious slippers in there, and tell her to keep it when he’s away.

The kitchen reminded her of countless cooking experiments she had done by herself and full of laughter breakfast she used to have with Junmyeon. If she closed her eyes, she still could see her past-self sitting on the counter and watching him tried to man the stove. He would sprout out stories of him and the cast of whatever drama or movie he’s working on and she would smile and laugh when he got to the funny part.

Surrounded by so many memories about her past, she took off the white sheet of the armchair in the living room and sat there. Her gaze darted around the room, scanning every nook and cranny of her living room, trying to renew the picture she had inside her head. The vibrating phone in her grip turned her gaze away from the space on her bookshelf. Furrowing her eyebrows at the name flashed on her phone screen, she sighed and answered the call anyway.

“Have you finished unpacking your stuff yet?” She wasn’t surprised by the voice on the other side of the line, but it was his question that caught her by surprise. The crease on her forehead deepened as the clogs inside her brain worked hard trying to figure out how he knew about her decision to move back to her old apartment.

“Yah, you didn’t even properly greet me. Where are your manners, Kyungsoo?” The teasing tone she used was noticed by Kyungsoo, causing the man to let out a string of chuckles. “How did you even know about me moving back to my old apartment? Who told you?”

“I didn’t give my number to your sister for nothing, you know.” She let out a scoff at his short explanation. Of course, her little sister would be the one who outed her to him. “She texted me about it last night, telling me that you finally have the guts to move back after- how many months is it since you got back here in July? Three months?”

Shutting her eyes, she let out an agitated huff over the fact that her little sister may or may not be the spy all this time. She should’ve known that Kyungsoo was not that perceptive and it was In-hye who let him know when she lost her grip.

“What’s in it for her? To be your spy for how long is it, three years?” she pondered out loud, leaning back on her seat and staring far out the window.

Kyungsoo laughed from the other line like it was such an amusing thing to hear. “Well, I bought her chicken occasionally, and once I gave her a concert ticket.” Minhyo rolled her eyes and shook her head in pure disbelief. With bribes like that, of course, In-hye would be willing to be his spy. “You know, she just wants to look out for you. We all do.”

“Yeah, I know,” she breathed out and darted her gaze away from the window that overlooked the Han river to her lap, where her finger was busy twiddling a loose thread of her jeans. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything for a moment, giving her time to process the news and to make sense of it. Knowing her since the time where they both would stay up all night running their lines to each other and pig out on junk food, he knew that when dumped by something new that had anything to do with her, it was best to give her a moment or so to make sense of it, instead of talking about it immediately.

“So, how is it? Is it weird to be there after such a long time?” Kyungsoo finally asked after a moment. Minhyo chuckled softly and looked up, darting her gaze around the room to get a feel of it again after a long time. The last time she was in that room, sitting on that exact chair, she was crying her eyes out and pressing her hand to her chest as if the ache in her heart would stop. Looking back to that moment, this time she was in a different place.

“It’s weird, yeah,” she agreed. “But it’s a good weird, I guess. I’ll probably need some getting used to living here again after a while. By the way, how are you, though? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Well, just the usual. You know how it is this time of the month with Christmas approaching and all.” It sounded vague as hell, but she thought that was how Kyungsoo always had been with his work. “Look, I’d love to talk some more, but I need to go now. Would it be fine if I swing by your place sometime this week?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, it’d be fine. Don’t worry,” she rushed, not wanting to keep him too long. “Talk to you later, Soo-yah.”

Minhyo was, once again, wrapped up in the silence as she hung up the phone. Glancing in her wristwatch, she made up her mind to start taking all the white sheets off of the furniture. With her mask on and a random playlist playing from the Bluetooth speaker connected to her phone, she got to work.

Cleaning and tidying up the place until it looked homey and comfy enough to her liking kept her mind busy and off of the sense of weirdness that kept nudging inside herself. She forced herself to push the negative thoughts away from her brain as she moved to her bedroom, her eyes darting around her desk—where there used to be scripts and notebooks sprawled carelessly on it. Now the desk was empty, except an empty pencil holder and a stand-up 2017 calendar on it. With a sigh, she turned around and decided to check her dresser, where she still left a few pieces of her clothing in it—the clothes that had too many memories she couldn’t bring it with herself.

Sitting inside her dresser was a jeans jacket and a few other old clothes that looked oddly familiar. They weren’t her clothes, though, she knew that much. She could perfectly remember that she brought everything that she needed from her dresser—she even made In-hye helped her to do that.

With curiosity brewing inside her brain, she closed her dresser and walked out of her room to grab her phone from the kitchen counter. Ignoring the familiar ballad blasting softly from the speaker, she clicked on the messaging app and tapped on Kyungsoo’s name.

Minhyo [17: 46]: Do you know if In-hye still likes to visit my old apartment?

For someone who claimed that he had things to do and place to go, he replied rather fast, but too fast for her liking.

Kyungsoo [17: 48]: I don’t think so. I thought she doesn’t know your passcode?

Minhyo [17: 49]: Well then who left all these clothes inside my dresser?

Minhyo walked back to her room and opened her dresser again only to take a few pictures of the clothes to send it all to Kyungsoo. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but his answer was something that she would never expect ever coming out of anyone’s mouth—or in this case via message.

Kyungsoo [17: 51]: It seems like Junmyeon-hyung’s clothes?

Kyungsoo [17: 52]: He’s the only one who knows the passcode to your apartment, and you never bothered to change the passcode.

That was why those clothes looked familiar.

Racking through her mind, she remembered that there was the jacket he wore the last time she saw him. A bittersweet smile spread out on her face, reminiscing to the memories of her trying to trick him into leaving his jacket with her. It led to many playful fights, though—from him telling her that it was his favorite jacket and he’d like it to wear when he’s overseas for vacation and her telling him that she looked better in it than he was (just to rile him up and see him pout).

Shaking her head slightly to steer clear from the memories, she put the jacket back into its previous place and continued with the unpacking. Thinking about Junmyeon and how she would deal with him when the time ever came was not the right thing to do at the moment.

“You’re unbelievable.” Minhyo looked up from the script she was reading in her desk and spun her chair around to face her boyfriend who was still lazily lounging around in bed.

“What did I do?” She asked, furrowing her eyebrows in pure confusion because she didn’t know what she did this time. It had only been two hours since she woke up and she hadn’t done anything other than making a cup of coffee and skimming through her drama script.

Junmyeon, being the dramatic man he could be sometimes, rolled out of the bed and approached her with bare feet, his slippers lying haphazardly on the floor. With a huff, he easily tugged her to her feet, causing her to let out a surprised yelp and hugged her close to his chest. Minhyo casually hugged him back and nuzzled her face to the side of his neck.

“What is it?” she prompted once again.

“You’re wearing my t-shirt,” he mumbled, nuzzling his nose to the side of her head. “It’s too early to see you wearing my shirt.” She let out a chuckle at his reason. She didn’t even realize that she was wearing his shirt. Their clothes must be mixed when she did laundry the other day.

“I didn’t even know. I just grabbed the first thing I saw in the dresser last night.” Junmyeon let out a hum at her answer. “Do you want me to change it, then?” There was a hint of tease in her words. She already knew the answer, but she just wanted to hear it herself.

“Don’t. I like it when you wear my shirt.” Junmyeon squeezed her in his hold.

They stayed hugging in the middle of the room like that for a while. The room was pretty dark since the curtains were still shielding them from the sunlight and the light from the lamp desk wasn’t even enough to light up the whole room. It felt nice to stay together like that before they faced the day waiting for them; before they went back to being ‘only friends’ in front of the public.

At some point, Junmyeon pulled back from the hug slightly to press a few kisses on Minhyo’s forehead and nuzzle his nose on hers, the action eliciting a string of giggles from her.

“It tickles,” she whined, turning her head away and leaning it on his shoulder. Junmyeon only chuckled, the sound prompting her heart to beat faster.

“Good morning, babe,” he whispered, pressing another kiss on her cheek.

“Morning,” she whispered back. “What’s your schedule today?”

“Practice for the musical,” he answered without missing a beat. “We’ll start early so I won’t be home too late, I guess.” Minhyo only nodded, brain already working to come up with food to make for dinner with him later.

“Okay. I think I’ll be home all day or I’ll go to get the groceries later.” They both finally pulled away from each other, but not without Minhyo leaning to press a kiss on his cheek. “Should we have breakfast?”

“Sure, let me wash up first.” Minhyo didn’t even bother pushing back the curtains to let the sunlight in. Instead, she left the bedroom right away and turned on the lights in the living room and the kitchen as she walked.

In the morning, she woke up with aching muscles and dull throbbing in her head. It was expected, though, from how long she kept tossing and turning in her too-large bed for hours until she fell asleep to the soft melody of sleeping playlist she put on from her phone. It seemed like her body was still trying to get used to the bed and the room after not being on it for so long. Also, the fact that she was sleeping alone and couldn’t run off to her sister’s room couldn’t help her situation, too.

Two things that kept herself from sleeping were the jacket in the dresser, and how entirely different it was the last time she slept there.

Every time she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, the images of her last night on this bed crossed her mind. Of her wrapped up in Junmyeon’s arms with tears streaked cheeks and puffy eyes from crying nonstop for a while. Of her snuggling deeper into his chest with his arms wrapped around protectively as if he was trying to protect her from anything bad in this world even though he knew he was too late for that. Of them trying to savor as much time as they could with each other before they went their separate ways.

She couldn’t stop thinking of the last memories she had of this bed, it took her quite a while to fall asleep. She didn’t remember when the memories stopped clouding her brain and when she fell asleep, but she guessed she didn’t even get more than five hours of sleep. The headache was enough proof of that.

Heaving a sigh, she rolled out of the bed and walked out of her bedroom to the kitchen, not before snatching her phone from the bedside table, though. For the first time in so long, she pulled back the curtains in the living room, letting the sunlight bathe her place in bright light. Goosebumps raked through her body at the view and at how naked she felt as if people could see her from the outside. The rational part of her brain reminded her, though, that no one could see her from the outside, not with those glasses and not when her place was high up on the 10th floor.

Shaking her head before she could change her mind again, she decided to focus on making herself breakfast with few ingredients she brought the day before. It was nothing more than a simple bread with cream cheese filling, some yogurt, and a cup of tea, but that should be enough. After all, she had already planned to do some grocery shopping later.

The loud ping coming from her phone tempted her to check her phone. In the chatting app, there were almost fifty notifications that came from her friends’ group chat. Scrolling through Sehun and Chanyeol’s game-related squabble, she only started reading from when her name was brought into the conversation.

Sehun [23:44] : Minhyo-noona, welcome back~ o(^▽^)o

Chanyeol [23:46]: ?????

Sehun [23:46]: Did you not know? She’s back in Seoul tonight (✿╹◡╹)

Chanyeol [23:47]: Waahhh, welcome back, noona!! ♡♡♡

Bomi [23:52]: Enough with the emoticons, Sehun-ah. You’re going to scare Minhyo-unnie away

Bomi [23:52]: But anyway, welcome back, unnie! Now I don’t have to drive 2 hours to see you~

Sehun [23:55]: (つ﹏<。)

Kyungsoo [00:07]: Welcome back, noona!

Junmyeon [02:33]: Welcome back, Minhyo! Sleep well…

Looking at the last message sent by Junmyeon, she let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. There was a small part inside her brain that told her how things would be so different if it wasn’t over between her and Junmyeon, how the others would easily tease you both, and how relentless Sehun’s teasing would be. Her stomach churned at the realization that she did it, that it was her fault for ruining the group’s dynamic.

Minhyo [08:58]: Thank you everyone~~ ♡♡♡

That was all she could send to the group chat. A part of her heart told her to ask if everyone was available to get together and have some dinner together, but another part of her heart was quick to shoot down the idea and was more aware that her heart wasn’t ready yet. She knew that it was impossible to invite everyone to have dinner and expect Junmyeon to not come. It would be cruel if she excluded Junmyeon out of this. Besides, they had promised each other that whatever happened between them wouldn’t change things with their group of friends.

Heaving a sigh, she locked her phone and decided to just finish her breakfast in silence. Although the silence made her cringe and more aware of her loud thoughts, she held through it. She bore it until she couldn’t anymore and drowned those thoughts by connecting her phone to the speaker set up in her room and playing a playlist set up specifically to clear her mind. It was bad to lay down after having a meal, she knew that, but it wasn’t like she had anything else to do.

Rolling around on her bed until she was so bored of it that she kept changing the songs, she decided to face the things in her closet that troubled her the previous day. Her steps were surprisingly light as if it reassured her that it would be fine. When in fact, the moment she opened her closet and her eyes zeroed on his clothes, her heart clenched painfully.

As if she was moving on instinct, she reached out to the first clothing she could reach. It was a two-tone green and brown sweater that she liked so much. The first time she saw Junmyeon wearing that sweater was during the first month of them dating and she remembered how it was the first time she hugged him so long because she couldn’t get over how warm he felt and how comfortable it was to be in his arms.

The sweater still felt as soft as it was that night in her hands. It felt like it hadn’t been worn again after she left like it was meant to be only in her closet and not worn again.

“It’s unfair how my clothes always look ten times better when you wear it.”

Still holding the sweater in her hand, she went to grab her phone from when she left it on her bed. She paused the song that was playing and opened the camera app, walking back to the closet where Junmyeon’s other clothes were stored in its little corner.

It was impulsive; the picture of the clothes she took and the message she sent. She didn’t even have time to think about it because the next thing she knew, the message was already delivered and not even five minutes later, she could see the bubble of little dots on the bottom left of the screen.

Minhyo [09:56]: [picture attached]

Minhyo [09:56]: I didn’t know you left these…

Junmyeon [10:00]: Do you want me to take them back?

Did she want him to take them back with him and leave that little corner in her closet empty like the one in her heart? Was she ready for that?

Minhyo [10:02]: It’s fine… you don’t have to do that.

Hurriedly, she closed the messaging app, along with her closet too, and decided to lay around on her bed once more. Only this time, she didn’t only keep herself occupied with the music playing from the speaker, but also the pictures in her phone gallery that she scrolled through. She kept scrolling through all those pictures and only stopped when it was noon already and the pictures she saw were mostly of her and Junmyeon or Junmyeon alone—it was the pictures she took candidly when she felt like it.

It was the sound of her stomach rumbling that what made her get out of the bed and the apartment wearing the first clothing she saw—which was Junmyeon’s sweater she was holding before. She didn’t even think much of it until she saw her reflection on her car’s window, thinking that Junmyeon was right. Maybe his clothes really looked ten times better on her.