#Chris Raleigh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

georgiapeach30513 · 4 months ago

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The One to Sacrifice, Part 4

Summary: too much has happened

Pairings: Raleigh Becket X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, PIV sex, oral sex (F receiving), cum eating, mentions of an unwanted pregnancy, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.6K

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Your fingers tap on your desk rhythmically. A jaunty little diddy that’s been in your head, and you’re trying to find a perfect combination of jumps. Triple lutz. No, double axel for that beat. Over and over in your head before you angrily huff, and burst out of your chair. You’re not a skater anymore. That dream was taken away from you. Not really. You chose this life.

Tanzy needed you though, and you needed her in ways that nobody knew. The first time you held her you couldn’t even breathe. It was such a struggle, and Mike offered so many times to hold her while you centered yourself, but you wanted to just look at her perfect little features. Her fingernails already had white tips on them, giving her the look of a manicure. The way her hair curled perfectly around her face, framing her sweet features and making her look like a doll.

You were always the one that would make sure her bum didn’t get diaper rashes. Mike took on the financial burden more. He was present, but you were the main caregiver. Until you were the only caregiver.

You weren’t going to fail this time. You promised yourself and Tanzy that you would not fail. And then you did. You couldn’t raise her alone, and now you’re back here. With the guilt and shame of how much you failed. And no big brother to talk it through with. You couldn’t tell your parents because they wouldn’t understand.

You sigh, falling onto your bed face first. You need a bigger one. What adult sleeps in a small full size bed? What adult that was geared to be on the Olympic team, and end up back in their parents house? You hate yourself. Always making every mistake. Because you can’t get the routine right.

You feel a dip down on the bed on both sides of your body. Twisting your head to the side, you view his fist pressing into the bed. “Raleigh, go away.”

“Why?” you groan as his weight settles on you. Not his full weight, but enough to ground you. “You’re in your head, Pix. Just breathe. Life isn’t a routine. And you don’t have to be perfect to be amazing.”

He always said the most appropriate things. He noticed you when life was moving all around you. He’d stop what he was doing just to make sure you weren’t having a a mild breakdown. His nose nuzzles into your neck. Heating up your skin, and you sigh so long. Sliding your hands up to meet his, and he grabs ahold of them. You begin to relax in his awkward embrace. You didn’t deserve him.

You lost count of how many times Raleigh had to do just this. Encase you in his warmth and weight. Like he was a wall of protection from the outside world, “Pix, what happened?”

“Life,” he gulps when he hears the crack in your voice. Can feel your body trembling. To tell someone would be to admit that it was real. The secret could die with Mike. But living with this shame was killing you, too.

“Hon,” his breathing turns to kisses on your neck. They’re not needy or sexual, they’re comforting. Letting you know that whatever you say, he’ll listen. “Tell me what happened in life.”

“If I do, you’ll hate me,” he’s silent, but continues covering you in love in the only way that Raleigh could. By now he thinks he knows your darkest secret. But he doesn’t. “I just,” butter him up. “I just got you back,” you know how wrong it is to play into his emotions. But there is a part of you that wants to tell him, so you’re not alone.

“I can’t lose you,” you whisper, squeezing his hands.

“You won’t. I can take it. It was in the past,” he’d be surprised at the secrets that people can keep.

“I didn’t leave for the Olympics. I left because…”

“Johnny,” you don’t have to respond. He knows it to be true. Even though he knows Johnny was the reason for your departure, he wants to hear it from exactly what happened, “What did he do?”

“I wish people would stop saying that. It wasn’t him, it was both of us,” you exhale a haggard breath, and Raleigh holds you tighter. He isn’t going to leave you. Yet. You haven’t even got to the worst part. “We got…we got sloppy.”

He growls, intensifying his hold, “And…Raleigh, I’m sorry.”

“Say it. Tell me what happened.”

You don’t want to, and you don’t want to carry this burden alone. “I got pregnant,” a whoosh of freedom passes over you, and your tears speed up. The worst betrayal towards Raleigh was already out. “And I-I-I-I didn’t — didn’t want her. I was scared. And alone, and Johnny was leaving. And he didn’t need a baby, and I was going to train for the Olympics. And I saw him flirting with another girl when I was going to tell him. So I ran. And Mike caught up with me, and it was already done, and I was inconsolable. Nothing has ever hurt worse both physically and mentally. And Mike talked to me, and I…” you can’t tell him. Telling him would make everything a reality, and he wasn’t ready for that. You weren’t ready for that. Or the responsibility.

Your breaths heave when Raleigh’s weight moves off you. If he wasn’t so fast you would start begging. But instead of leaving he sits on the bed, and pulls you into his lap. Letting your legs wrap around him, and he squeezes you in an embrace, just like you need. He wasn’t leaving. The worst was over. Raleigh knew, and still he held you like you are his to protect.

“I’m sorry,” you cry on his neck. “I didn’t — I never wanted to hurt you,” and yet you did. The one person who could always see right through you. The one one was always there. You hurt him in ways you can never understand. He’s hurting and still he comforts you.

“Shh, I wish you could have told me then.”

“You don’t…do you think I’m icy?” He pulls you back, gazing at your tear stained face. “Like my heart is always cold?”

“I think you’ve never allowed someone to love you. Like the adoption had something break in you, and you never want to allow someone to in and give them opportunity to love you, and you love them back,” you grimace. Is that really what is happening? “You had me right here, and instead, you got into a sexual relationship with someone that didn’t care about you. Because if we had sex, it would hurt you if anything happened to us.”

You have no words as you look over his face. You weren’t thinking that when you and Johnny first had sex. You were frustrated, wanted him, and he made himself available, so you gave freely. And yet this man was always climbing in your window, and in your bed, and all you did was make out. And…on top of the clothes stuff. He was never aggressive with his need ot have you.

Everything was over the clothes, and you want to prove to him and yourself you can allow someone that truly cares about you into your body. Your lips slam into his, and you don’t hold back. You need to feel something real. And he doesn’t hesitate in returning your kiss ravenously. Hands roaming to your ass, and he pushes you onto his growing bulge. Raleigh deserves this.

He deserves more than you, but if he wants you, he can have you. Your needy body grinds over his length, whimpering softly every second. Feeling him get bigger. Harder. Your mouth waters because you’ve never seen him. Anytime he got hard, he’d go into the bathroom, never asking for you to assist him.

“Raleigh,” you moan, and pull off your shirt. He stares at your chest like a teenage boy seeing tits for the first time. You didn’t bother wearing a bra, or pants. You were going to be going to bed soon. Reaching behind you, you bring both his hands to your front. Guiding them to your chest. “I’m all yours.”

In hindsight, this is probably the worst time to have sex. You’ve just exposed your darkest secret; that you cheated on Raleigh with his kinda friend, got pregnant by him, ran away, and now you’re offering up your body as a consolation prize. You didn’t care. It’s so fucking selfish, but you need to feel something real.

He dives into your tit, circling his mouth around one, while his other hand gropes you. Twisting and pulling the nipple slightly, while he suckles from the other. His ocean blue eyes staring up at you, while you bite down on your lip, and your hips gyrate into his aching cock. He’ll deal with the Johnny situation later. Right now, he’s starving for you.

Lifting up off the bed, he carries you towards the door to turn the lock, “I’m not leaving out this window. I’m going out the front door,” you don’t care. You need his hard body on you. You fight and claw to get his shirt off his back and into your floor, but he tosses you on the bed, and you yip. He stares too hard at your breasts pebbled and peaked. The one glistening with his saliva. The best vision he has ever seen, and you are right in front of him.

“Make me want to fuck you,” you’ve never done this before. Be sexy. But he deserved it all. Whatever he wanted. You keep your eyes on him as you start to pull down your panties. Slowly letting the satin roll off your skin, and you toss them at him. His thumb traces over the gusset, and he growls. A deep possessive, needy growl. He’s starving for your body.

He looks away from you for a split second to toss it in the hamper, and with your knees bent and up in the air, you let your legs fall to the bed, and you spread your pussy lips apart. Splitting your fingers as you rub over your clit, and keep your eyes on him. He’s ready to blow immediately. But he watches. Unzipping his pants, he takes slow steps to walk out of them, and grips his cock over his boxer briefs, and you drool. He’s big. Thick.

“How,” he clears his throat as he releases himself. Tugging at his boxers until he’s bare. His tip shining with a bead of precum. “How wet are you,” he manages before gulping, and you plunge a finger into your heat. Pulling it out, you hold the sticky wet appendage towards him, and he stuffs it into his mouth. Sucking off every bit of your honey, and crawls on his knees. Higher onto the bed until he’s in between your thighs.

Face right at your entrance and he presses chaste kisses up your seam. Moaning with every touch of your skin. He is hungry for your body. He keeps things sweet, despite the both of you being naked, and you’ve never been so intimate with someone. Never had someone so close to you. Your only experience with sex was with Johnny, but this — it is making love. Worshiping you.

Flattening his tongue, he swipes it over your leaking cunt, and looks up at you from between your thighs with a smile. “Can you come from my mouth alone?”

“What?” you answer breathlessly, and he nuzzles into your pussy. Continuing to look up at you as he soaks his face in your juices.

“I’ve waited a long time to see, taste, smell, and feel this perfect pussy. It’d be a shame for me to just cram myself in you. Let me take my time,” giving him a nod, he dives in, and laves up your juices. Sucking your lips into his mouth before moving to your clit. He kitten licks the little sensitive nub, teasing a finger at your entrance before circling the bundle of nerves, and he sucks.

His finger spears into you, and he adds a second one quickly. Stretching you out as he marvels at the way your body hugs him. Sucking his fingers back into their depths. Seeing you in this position, in this way, succumbing to his ministrations, he’s got to make this fast because he feels as if he could erupt. Curling his fingers he watches your face change beautifully with your pleasure. Mouth open, hands on your tits working your nipples, and you’re trying so hard not to make a noise.

Your hips roll into him, and it’s just so right. Your body reacts to him. Needs to feel him. Your velvety walls flutter around his fingers, and he goes faster. Rapidly pumping in the digits as he hits a spot inside of you that makes your toes curl, and heat bloom in your belly. “Please, Raleigh.”

“Desperate girl. Come,” you work in tandem with him, and you search for something bigger than his fingers. Gripping your nipples harder, he bites onto your clit, and your body goes into orbit. Lifting off the bed as you audibly whimper, trying to close your legs, but he pushes them further apart. Watching as your body clenches around him.

He quickly crawls up your body, and runs his head through your slit. Coating himself in your creamy release, and you see that regretful smile, “I don’t have a condom.”

“I’ve got an IUD. Just…pull out,” he has so many questions about what being sloppy with Johnny means, but he knows he has no right to know. And he’s not sure if he wants to. But knowing that Johnny could have felt himself spurt into you, pisses him off.

He holds his spongy head at your entrance for too long, and you start to get twitchy. Ready to pout up at him, and then you feel him being sucked into you. You stutter as a sharp inhale rocks your body, and you lean up to look at where you two connect. Staring as his body splits you in two. Your puffy lips spread further apart as he pushes deeper. Deeper. Deeper. Not stopping until you swallow him to the hilt, and he adjusts his weight.

Laying more on top of you, in that way he understands you love, and his hands grip tight to your head board. “Pix, I know it’s early, but…”

“Don’t, Raleigh.”

“I’ve never stopped loving you,” tears well in your eyes. It hurts that you can’t give him all of your heart like you can your body. Maybe eventually. “And this feels so fucking right. I didn’t even push in. Your pussy invited me in. She sucked me into her soul, because you love me, too. You crave me inside of you. You might not be able to say it right now, but I’m patient.”

He draws his hips back, pulling his cock out of your sensitive walls, and you miss him. Willing to beg him to push back into you, and he does. Moving slowly, so you feel each wet centimeter of your bodies melding together. His steel melts into you with ease. Pulling himself out, he slams in. Making you chirp and stars twinkle in your vision.

Over and over again he inches out slowly, and dives in hard and deep. Your fingers grip to his back and slice through his skin. He seethes before he chuckles. “Mark me as yours, Pixie,” his voice is so deep it sounds like a grunt, and you feel him in your throat. Pushing harder and deeper each time he enters you.

Your body can’t take it without gripping onto him. He’s so close every inch of his sculpted body is stimulating you. His warmth. His veins. His breath. His cock. “Raleigh,” you start panting. This is too intense. “Raleigh, I’m…”

“I know you are. Let go. Come on my cock. I need it,” you grab him on his shoulders, and slide down. The coil in your belly winds up tightly. Painfully tight. And one look into his beautiful eyes, and you let it twist undone. Biting on his arm as your walls hold him in a vice grip. Everything you’ve been holding in ceases to exist. There’s only you and him, and the peace that comes with an orgasm.

Outside of your brain, a calming euphoria spreads through your limbs. Raleigh’s thrusts quicken. He jackhammers into you, and your body heats again. Bouncing the two of you on the bed, “Pix, I’m not going to be able to stop with you,” he coos, feeling you wind up again. Chirping with his fast movements. This feels just as good.

You get right at the edge. Ready to dive off the cliff, and he pulls out. Getting to his knees with one hand wrapped around his cock, fisting his member, and the other makes tight circles on your clit, and you preen. Gasping as your body dives off the cliff and his hot cum shoots over your mound. You look down at the mess of your pussy, and you gather it with your fingers, and suck Raleigh’s essence off.

“You’re amazing,” he pants out, kneeing himself up your body. He teases his cock at your mouth, and you swallow him whole. Sucking off the taste of the two of you on his softening dick. He moves back down to stare at your entrance, and you widen your legs again. Smirking at him when he spreads you apart.

His moves up and down your swollen cunt, before dipping even lower. The most intimate parts of you spread so wide, “You’re gaping.”

“Don’t be vulgar!” He chuckles, standing up. He licks his lips before yanking the covers down, and you whine.

“What?”

“I’m not sleeping naked in this bed with you. Grab your shirt and boxers.”

“You’re still going to be naked,” you cock up an eyebrow until he understands. Throwing you his shirt before he pulls his boxers back on. “Door locked or?”

“Unlocked.”

—

Raleigh glances over at your sleeping body. Something had woke him up, and he’s aware it’s you not holding onto him. His shaft starting to get hard knowing that your cunt is right there and exposed to him. He starts to roll over to embrace you before he hears slashing and swishing of blades on ice. He didn’t think Frank still came out to his family’s house to ice skate anymore, and he’s ready to tell him to shut up. He’s finally got his girl.

Getting out of bed, he looks out the window, his blood turns to ice because the car he sees isn’t Frank’s. It’s Johnny’s. He stops skating abruptly, and stares up at your window, seeing Raleigh’s large frame illuminated with your oil diffuser. Raleigh hopes that Johnny can see his smile as he walks back to your bed.

Wrapping his thick arms around you, and he holds you tight. Your back arches, pressing your ass against his front, and your voice softly moans when you feel his head push against you, “Pix, you keep doing that…” lifting your leg a bit, you show him your needy hole. “Honey.”

“I should keep you warm or something.”

“Yes. Yes, you should,” he feels his blood rush to his cock just at the idea of feeling your silky skin again. Johnny couldn’t see it, but the fact that he’s still out there skating around while Raleigh is sliding his cock into you while you sleep, tickles him. Let that fucker feel the way he feels. He can’t wait to make him pay for what he did to you.

Johnny closes the door of his car, spinning his key fob around his finger as he saunters into the garage. He gives a nod and a wink to the girl behind the desk, and gets sight of an old, not much of a friend. “Becket! I’m back.”

“Why the fuck are you here?” Johnny looks around the garage, and then back at Raleigh. Holding his hands up in confusion, “Seriously. Leave.”

“You know, we agreed to add different wheels to my car. Ordered them, paid for them. I got a call that they were here.”

“I’ve changed my mind,” Raleigh continues to look under the hood of the car he was working on, trying to ignore the man that wasn’t getting the point. “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Get. Out.”

“Bro, we both know where you were last night. No need to get all fucking possessive. I got it. I’ll back down. She’s your girl.”

“And yet, you were still there last night. Skating on her parent’s pond. The rink wasn’t open?”

Johnny squints. Scratching his brow, he tries to think of what could exactly be going on. It’s true that he had gone to your parents’ house to hopefully see you, and then he saw Raleigh in nothing but his boxers. He didn’t think you and him were much, but more than Becket. Whatever. You made your choice, “I don’t think I understand?”

“Really? Let’s start with you fucked my girlfriend.”

“No, not recently. That was a decade ago, Lurch. I won’t look at her. I won’t touch her. Well except when she brings the kid, and — What the fuck,” it happens too fast for him to realize why Raleigh is walking towards him. He grabs his nose, wincing as blinding pain shoots to his brain. “I think it’s broken, asswipe. What the hell is your problem?”

“You, Storm! You had to come back.”

“It was kind of court ordered.”

“You had to weasel your way back into her life, and you’re using Tanzy.”

“She’s kind of my goddaughter.”

“And you took her fucking virginity.”

“Is this what this is all about? I had her first, so you’re the big bad macho man that gets her last? Aye aye, Captain. I won’t even think of your precious, Pixie. What did you do fuck her for the first last night and have to get all caveman,” Raleigh slams Johnny up against the car. Pressing his forearm into his chest. Any higher, and he’d be on his neck. “I don’t understand what’s going on!”

“I didn’t fuck her. That’s what you did. I love her. You’re the one that fucked her and knocked her up,” Raleigh’s nostrils flares, and his chest heaves with every breath. But Johnny is dumbfounded.

“What?” Raleigh curses under his breath, while Johnny searches the man’s face. “What did you say? Becket! Repeat that,” he says calmly, but Raleigh pushes himself off Johnny. He starts pacing around the garage while Johnny remembers the night Mike called him screaming and calling him every name in the book.

It’s why Mike had gone with you. Who’s best friend was pissed at him. Why everything fell apart so quickly. Johnny didn’t have a chance to breathe, and you were gone. He was going to take you on a real date, but you’d left. “Tanzy?”

“What?” Raleigh answers breathlessly.

“Is — is Tanzy even Mike’s?” Raleigh stumbles backwards as he glares at Johnny. You would never. Tanzy was Mike’s daughter. You were her aunt. She wasn’t…

“I’ve gotta go,” Johnny’s voice is so soft, and there’s only one person he needs to see right now. He’s tired of whatever secrets and lies that are happening right now. It’s time for you to come completely clean. You owed that to him.

“Ahh,” you scream. Dropping the apple you were cutting for Tanzy. Her spoon clinking on the glass bowl, and you both turn towards the back door, and Johnny beats on the window again, rattling the wood.

“Pix, open the damn door!”

“Tanzy, here. Go sit with Pappy,” She looks at you sadly, peering at Johnny, and you point into the living room. You didn’t need her in here for whatever Johnny was about to say. He didn’t come here. It wasn’t good, not with what you told Raleigh. He never could keep his fucking mouth closed.

“Pix!”

“What?” You sling the door open. His chest heaves, and his eyes are rimmed in liquid. You can’t have this conversation with your parents here. Or Tanzy. One door always leads to another, and then another. It’s why you didn’t want to come back. “I’ll get my coat.”

“Is…?”

“Not here!” You whisper scream. Motioning him to go on. Raleigh. You have half a mind to tell him not to bother climbing up to your window. Now here’s something else you have to deal with. Johnny’s dramatic emotional self.

Walking out of the house, Johnny is leaned up against his car. Trying to be casual, but his face says it all. He’s hurting, and confused. Without speaking, you walk straight to the car, and get in the passenger seat. He continues to hold his stance before pulling open his own door and dropping into the seat, “Drive to the rink,” you wouldn’t have a conversation here. It was too close.

He’d need to keep you distracted somehow. Everything runs through your brain. Everything. From that first kiss, until the time you had him in his room. The way he couldn’t stop looking at you as he thrust into you. For the first time it didn’t seem like fucking. It seemed like his sweet secret. He was gentle. Petting your face, and pressing the softest kisses on your lips.

The car ride is silent, and Johnny takes up two spaces, but the parking lot is empty. It’s after hours. “I need to borrow some skates,” you tell him as you run out of the car. Still he’s quiet as he unlocks the door, and you sprint to get something on your feet. Almost thinking Johnny had left you.

You step onto the ice. Doing a quick spin, and see him walk in with his own skates, and you do a few laps. It is the easiest way to run away from him for now. Letting the seats rush past you. Their colors melting together, feeling like the mush in your brain.

You launch yourself up into an axel when he steps onto the ice, and he skates over to you. “As many questions as I have. You talk. I’ll listen.”

“What’s this about?” He glowers at you. His intensity isn’t as angry as it is confusing. “Well?” You aren’t going to bother with this if he didn’t even know. You need to hear it explicitly from him.

“You were pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“And you ran?”

“Yes,” you try to skate away, but he grabs onto your wrist and pulls you into him. He’s so close it hurts. It’s stifling. “Johnny, don’t…” and still he pulls you closer. Tightening his arms around you.

“Whose Tanzy’s father?” You feel your body go limp, and if it wasn’t for Johnny holding onto you, you’d fall.

“What?”

“I’m really doubting this stupid ass story about some woman that left Mike Weiss with a fucking kid. So I need you to come completely clean with me immediately. Who is Tanzy’s dad?” His grip on you tightens as he pulls you more into him, but he gets blurrier. What was the last thing you ate? You were going to eat apple slices. No. You were cutting those for Tanzy.

What was for breakfast? “Pix, I deserve the truth,” did you even have lunch?

“Johnny,” your voice is so soft and breathless as you try to get out of his grasp.

“You not answering has got my mind spinning. Please?”

He learned some manners. You’re dreaming. You’re drifting away. So far away. This isn’t Johnny. It’s a blurry blob of someone that sounds like him. Even his voice is distant. A dream that you run awkwardly away from. Just like everything else.

Run away.

Masterlist

@tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @musingsfromthemitten @distractingbeth

@peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @charmed-asylum

@cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @patzammit @valhalla-kristin

@kmc1989 @peaceinourtime82 @rogersbarber @kmm-fluv @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

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georgiapeach30513 · 9 months ago

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The One to Sacrifice, Part 3

Summary: being here is getting to you.

Pairings: Raleigh Becket X Reader, Johnny Storm X Reader

Rating: mild

Warnings: language, mentions of cheating, mentions of secrets, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.3K

Series Masterlist

*Dividers created by @firefly-graphics

The moment your father had told you the pond had been scraped you were ready to get back on the ice, but you had responsibilities now, and they involved making sure your niece was taken care of. Everyone else’s lives got to go on living like they always did, but yours changed the moment that Mike had passed away. You became her sole caretaker. Her confidant. Her shoulder to cry on. Her everything.

“So I get to play hockey here?” She looks up at you sleepily. So far Tanzy had enjoyed being here. You had your doubts. Hopefully it would make taking care of yourself easier. As far as your personal life went, it was much more difficult. Small towns had the tendency to do that.

“Yes, darling, now go to sleep,” you whisper, giving a kiss to her forehead.

“Did my dad love hockey?”

“Your dad and uncle Frank loved hockey. Him, Frank, Johnny, and…”

“That man that brought us home?” She peeks up through her lashes at you with the most mischievous grin, and you just nod. “Did you ever kiss him?”

“Go to sleep,” your voice is a bit more animated, but it doesn’t raise. Playfully covering her eyes she starts giggling uncontrollably. “Tanzy!”

“What? He’s cute. You should kiss him,” you roll your eyes, and settle back on her bed. You need to go out on the ice, so whatever it took for her to settle down, you’d do. “He’s nice, too. He drove us home.”

“Uh huh,” you give a fake yawn that you know she doesn't believe, but you can’t help it. It was late, and you were emotionally exhausted, and only one thing helped. You can already feel the tingle of the chill on your cheeks.

“Did you love him?” Tanzy breaks your daydreaming of just moving on the ice. Giving you the softest and knowing smile as she looks up at you.

“Young love,” you agree. You loved Raleigh in your way, although you never loved him the way he loved you. You didn’t even understand what love was. And then some stupid boy with blue eyes that had the most beautiful bit green in them stole your heart, and you didn’t have the balls to break up with Raleigh.

“You should try again,” she lets out a little yawn, flipping over onto her side. “I don’t want you to be alone like daddy was,” she yawns again, waving her hand at you, “I’m good, go skate.”

This child. She knew that you needed to skate, “Love you, Tanz.”

“Love you, too,” she could very much be faking her sleepiness. She’s done it before. But she wasn’t a baby anymore. She was growing.

With a sigh, you run into the mud room, and grab your things. Putting your skates on sitting on the bench by the pond. Remembering a simpler time and skating with your brothers. Inhaling the frosty air with a smile. Skating on the pond brought back so many memories. A less complicated life. Joy. Laughter. Love.

Making a few rounds on the ice, you try to not think, just exist. Focus on your feet and legs as you launch into the air. Not think about everything that happened. Too much had happened. And even more was bubbling up to the surface, and there was more you hoped never would.

Spinning around, you let the world melt away. Let everything blur out in front of you, but then you feel Johnny’s hands on your body. Blurring into puppy love with Raleigh. Someone you didn’t have to hide. Mike would have killed you. He threatened to kill Johnny when he found out.

You come to a stop in the middle of the ice. Your chest heaving with frustration more than exertion. You really knew how to fuck up things. It’s why you prefer to push people away. Coming back home was smothering you. The only one you couldn’t run away from was Tanzy; because she needs you. Who else would take care of her?

On the one hand was this toxic love based on passion and your bodies. A fire that burned too brightly, leaving you with nothing left but ashes. On the other hand was someone you could make a life with. A life here in a small town in Maine. Things weren’t complicated with Raleigh until…Johnny.

You aren’t even sure you loved Johnny, you just wanted him. Wanted everything he had to offer, and he had big dreams and stars in his eyes that were the same as yours. But he made it. He didn’t sacrifice anything. Kept living his life, and pretending like Tanzy didn’t exist. Mike had counted on him, and he failed. Again.

You take off quickly just wanting to get in the air, and get your mind off — them. You didn’t want either of them quite frankly, and yet they were still both here. What were the odds that Johnny was being forced to be a coach to a girls’ hockey team? And you sigh as your body spins around because there’s a part of you that is lying. You did want something. Honesty, possibly.

You have to think of anything but them. Think about what would have happened if you decided to have a partner. The only one you had ever skated with was Raleigh. You’d giggle as he’d lift you up in the air, and twirl you around. You should have kept things simple, despite his push to turn romantic. No, it was his ability to make you laugh and feel comfortable. Raleigh should have had all your firsts.

You try to imagine a life where things didn’t get fucked up. Where Raleigh came with you to Minnesota. Mike could have still been alive. Tanzy would have had her father, and you would have had your big brother.

You imagine him as your partner. Practically could feel his hands back in yours as you skate around the pond. Life could have been different. Maybe you wouldn’t be thinking about these constant what if’s in your head.

“You…”

“Ahh,” you fall down on the ice, and glare up at Raleigh who stops so abruptly he falls over as well. “What are you doing?”

He sits up, placing both arms on his knees as he gives you that quintessential Raleigh Becket smile, “I came to apologize,” he tilts his head to the side as he looks at you. “I spent all this time feeling like I didn’t get any closure, and…dammit, Pix, I should have been there for you.”

”What?” Your head turns to look at him quickly. Confusion doesn’t even explain what you’re feeling. Or the secrets you were hiding. How did they fit in with Raleigh?

“When Mike died. I shouldn’t have offered my help, I should have just been there. You quit your dream to raise a child that wasn’t your own.”

“It was the right thing to do.”

“Would you stop,” you look at him confused. What exactly did he mean with that? “You don’t have to be a martyr. You don’t have to do this all alone. You shouldn’t have done it alone. Tanzy…you’ve done a good job on her. You should have had a support system.”

A silence looms between the two of you. Never even getting off the ice. You look up at the stars, and whisper out a thanks to him. Starting to lean into his body a bit before your head lays over on his shoulder. The best thing about Raleigh is the comfort.

“You don’t have to do it alone anymore.”

“Is that an invitation?” He can feel the smile that creeps up on your mouth, and you feel the chuckle building up in his chest that he doesn’t want to release. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Is this a Storm thing?” You groan, starting to lift off his shoulder, but he pulls you back down. “Did he mean anything to you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Did I?”

You’re unsure how to answer. Because he did mean a lot to you. Johnny is complicated for various reasons. And you have told yourself he meant nothing to you for a long time, but you fear it is to protect yourself the most. Because at the end of the day, you felt like a conquest to Johnny. An easy lay. A virgin.

Raleigh whispers your name, lifting you up to look at him, “Did I mean anything to you?”

“Yes,” you answer with the utmost sincerity. He smiles with glassy eyes, and you hate yourself for the pain you caused him. Not just the lack of closure but the fact he found out about his girlfriend cheating on him. “I loved you. You were my best friend.”

“Why did you do it?” You shrug your shoulders, removing your gaze from his heavy stare. It is too intense, and you can’t fully handle the way he is looking at you. Clinging to any hope you can offer him. “Don’t look away.”

“I don’t know. I told you…it was…”

“You,” he takes a deep breath, trying to choose his words carefully. It was years ago, and the pain is still there. Wedged deep inside of him because he didn’t doubt the way he felt. He was completely in love with you then, and nothing had changed. “Because of a school girl crush. He was your first.”

“He was my only,” that didn’t offer much comfort, but you see his face relax a bit. His hands cup your cheeks, leaning his forehead into yours. “Raleigh, I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you,” you didn’t deserve him, his forgiveness, or any of his kindness. But you melt into it. It was the first time in so long you have felt comforted. No one ever bothered to check on you, and even if they did, Raleigh just knew. The the need to run away from everything seems to have stopped. You didn’t want to run anymore. You are tired. “Can we start over?”

“I don’t know what that means, Raleigh,” his eyes flick down to your lips, and you know without him saying anything. “Clarify.”

“Start from the beginning. Forget anything happened.”

“You’re suggesting we’re more than friends?”

“I’m suggesting I want you in my life. I’ve missed you, and my feelings haven’t changed,” if you made friends with girls, maybe they would have told you that he was a man that had never moved on, and that should be a red flag. But you didn’t move on either. You had no desire to make a choice. And at the time there was only one choice you could make. So you ran. You pushed everything into your career, and didn’t let any of those emotions bubble up to the surface. No one knew, and you repressed everything. You didn’t want them to know. You didn’t want to know.

“At your pace.”

“Remind me?” Your mouth tips up in a smile, hoping he didn’t forget what it meant. With a smile that matches your own, his eyes flutter close, and he presses his lips against yours. No one moves, and the kiss is warm and lingering. You still aren’t sure if you ever loved him the way he loved you. Or the way he deserved, but you hope you find it.

You settle into his arms, snuggling closer, and feeling at least comfort. It wasn’t much, and it wasn’t love, but it was…something.

“Tanzy, why are you still awake?” Tanzy looks back at her uncle, shushing him before her eyes go back to the ice. “Oh…they didn’t waste time,” he rolls his eyes as he sits down beside his niece. Giving you and his best friend an eye roll. The two of you embrace in a hug before you stand up, and start skating around the ice.

Laughter fills the winter air with a lightness that he hasn’t seen in his friend in a long time. The two of you fall in sync, partnering up, and going with the flow. He sighs as Tanzy flips around in her bed. “They kissed.”

“It wasn’t their first time.”

“But it was like a real kiss,” Frank chuckles, reaching over to pull the covers over both him and Tanzy. “She never kissed anyone back home. I never saw a boy.”

“Don’t make sense out of your aunt.”

“She deserves to have fun. She’s a good aunt. She worked a lot. I never saw her on the ice. And now we’re here, and she’s laughing, and — they were in love, huh?” Frank shrugs his shoulders, retching while Tanzy watches her uncle curiously. “What?”

“Thinking about Raleigh and my sister is weird. He’s a good guy, but it’s…gross. But I know he’s never looked at a woman like he does Pixie.”

“Be happy for her. She didn’t smile a lot. She’s always thinking.”

“About what?” Tanzy yawns, and starts to snuggle into his body, just like she used to with her dad. She didn’t ever want to forget him. But most of what she remembered was through someone else’s memory. “Your dad?”

“No. She has secrets, Frank. Secrets that make her sad.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. I’m just a kid. Her and dad whispered a lot. She cried a lot, and then she had to take care of me,” she yawns again, and her words get softer. Quieter. “Let her be happy.”

“Go to sleep, and I’ll try,” he gives another quick glance outside, but looks away quickly. You weren’t so much skating as holding onto each other. That weird thing the two of you did when you just touched foreheads together and looked at one another.

Secrets. You had secrets that made you sad. You did leave, and not tell Raleigh goodbye. Wouldn’t return his calls. You didn’t like the idea of “Johnny,” Frank groans. Johnny did something. He always did.

“You and the mechanic,” Tanzy starts to tease you, but you turn around to look at her shaking your head. She was supposed to be getting her gear ready for hockey practice. “Uh huh, I saw you.”

“Skating together is nothing to get too excited about,” after a bit of sleep, you realize that even just a slight peck of a kiss was a horrible idea. Raleigh clearly is still in the zone of everything is perfect, and he can be perfect just for you. It isn’t that you doubt that. But you have only just arrived and there are still so many things swirling in your head, and you are drowning in thoughts. You need to skate, and every time you did there was a man.

“Yeah, but you didn’t just skate. I saw you,” she gives you the sweet mischievous grin that makes you think of Mike, and you can’t even be mad at her. She had this attitude just like Mike and Johnny, always into something, and always ready for a good time.

“I remember now why I hated your dad’s room right there.”

“Why because he watched you kiss that man, too?” Wrapping a hand around her stomach she lets a wave of giggles rush over her. Head leaning back, and you try — try not to laugh with her, but you can’t. She already seems happier here than she did. Being around family is good for her, and a bit suffocating for you.

“Raleigh did watch me skate a lot.”

“Did Johnny?”

“Now what kind of question is that?” Tanzy shrugs her shoulders as she lifts up a duffle bag. “Why would you ask about Johnny?”

“Why are you getting so defensive about Johnny? It was first the mechanic, and now him. Did you kiss Johnny, too? Like the Johnny Storm, did you kiss him?” You stepped right into that. You couldn’t blame her for being curious, but your relationship with Johnny was for nobody’s ears. You buried that and the memories a long time ago.

“Go on, get into the car. Gimma is waiting for us,” you car still hasn't been fixed. You didn’t doubt that Raleigh could, but he of course had other cars ahead of you. With a deep sigh, you watch Tanzy jump into the car with your mom, and you look around the kitchen. Nothing had changed. It brought you a bit of comfort, and still there was that tad of unease that always lingered in places where memories of your brother were the strongest.

Nothing is ever easy here because some things just never change, despite how much is always changing. Just take a deep breath, and go.

Trudging out to your mom’s car makes you feel like a child again, especially going to the rink. You fasten your seatbelt, and look in the rear view mirror, and the sly smile on Tanzy’s face lets you know she’s not letting this go.

“You should invite Raleigh for dinner.”

“Tanzy!”

“He was most likely going to come anyway. I have to make sure all my boys are fed. Him and Frank mosey on in. It would be nice for…” Tanzy starts laughing uncontrollably as your mom rattles on.

“It would be nice if you guys wouldn’t make a big deal about it. Raleigh and I…”

“Yes, yes,” your mom looks at you with an exasperated look. It isn’t the first time that she’s had this conversation with you. “You and Raleigh have always skated together. And skating together always leads to him crawling into your bedroom and watching movies until you pass out, and I tell him to please use the front door instead.”

You glance towards her looking ashamed. You had no idea she actually knew about that. “I allowed him to stay because he made my ice princess happy. I could hear you guys laughing, and you almost never stopped talking, so I didn’t think anything was going on. And then when you actually were dating — honey, nothing ever happened?”

“Tanzy is in the car.”

“I know about kissing!”

“What I mean is you shouldn’t have to stay in your head. Raleigh gave you something more to talk about than skating. He opened up your cold heart. I heard you laugh, and weren’t repeating your routine obnoxiously over and over again. Raleigh made you human, and I hate to think that someone who was your best friend,” starting to interrupt, she covers your mouth with her hand, “I know he and Frank are close, but those two didn’t have what you two had.”

“It would be really weird if they did. I’m glad to know that everyone thinks I’m…”

“Icy,” you shoot a playful glance back at Tanzy, but try to laugh. You weren’t the most personable human in the world, and you never had been. But there is a part of what your mom is saying is right. You did feel differently around Raleigh. He was able to bring out the best of you.

“Well there he is,” your mom smiles and gives Johnny a wave as she pulls into the rink. No one was here. “Tell Johnny I said hey, and he should come by for dinner tonight, and…”

“No!” She looks taken aback as you shout at her. “Just — not yet. We don’t even know how he’s going to be with his goddaughter,” you take a deep breath, and hold your head up high as you get out of the car. Giving a wave to your mom as you give Johnny a terse nod. He’s so full of himself, his smile just gets larger.

He gives your mom a friendly wave, and his hand presses on Tanzy’s back, “Why don’t you go ahead and dress out, there’s some things I’d like to discuss with your aunt.”

“Are you wanting to kiss her, too? Aunt Pixie, you’ve got all the boys,” she gives a little giggle as she runs into the rink, and you follow right behind her.

“Let me guess, you were kissing that Neanderthal Raleigh?” You don’t answer, just walk right into the rink, and have a deep need to skate on its smooth surface. “Wow, okay. So, you won’t give me the time of day even though I know what you taste like, but you’ll let that man kiss you in front of Tanzy.”

Spinning around you glare at him, “That got your attention, ice princess. What does Raleigh have that I don’t? I got the bigger bank account.”

“And you got the bigger head.”

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you,” you shove his shoulder. This is what always irritated you about him; his ease at getting under your skin. “You didn’t even give me the time of day, but you let that man kiss you?”

“Why do you care? It’s not like you couldn’t have any girl that you wanted. And you have. Raleigh is…”

“Hung up on you. We both know it. Did you tell him about us? About how I couldn’t keep my hands off you, and you were just as needy for me?”

“I thought you needed to talk to me about something. Where is everyone?” You did not need to go down this road again. You just wanted for Tanzy to practice, and you to eventually go home, and away from him. He is your kryptonite.

“That’s what I thought,” he whispers before he starts walking towards the ice. “Has Tanzy ever played?” You shake your head no, sitting down on a bench, and he joins you. Too close. Just to prove you don’t like the closeness, you scoot away. “Her dad was Mike Weiss, and you didn’t put her in hockey?”

“I was struggling to feed us both, and you wanted me to put her in an expensive sport that I couldn’t afford?”

“You could have told me,” see this is the reason you easily fall for Johnny. There’s something in the way he looks at you, actually concerned. “That’s why you’re back, money?”

“Kids are expensive, even more so when you’re on their own. Her godfather didn’t reach out, so I just made do. And now I’m back in. Back here wallowing in the past, and…”

“You always were so melodramatic. It’s not that serious. You’re here getting help and support. Who fucking cares?” You cared. Your pride cared, and he called you melodramatic. “Keep the drama for the ice. It’s what I do, baby. You don’t have to have all that shit swirling in your head while you try to make sense out of everything. We had fun, right? So you cheated on some chump that was obsessed with you. How come you never had sex with him? Am I the only one? You look better when you keep your issues on the ice, and let me do the thinking for you.”

“That doesn’t fix everything.”

“Does constantly worrying about it?” You still. If there was anything you always admired about Johnny was his ability to not care. “Pix, can I be honest with you?”

“You always are. Even if I don’t want you to.”

“You’re wound too tight. You always have been. That’s why we…well, you wanted me to teach you. I did, and for a few months you relaxed. You skated better than you ever had before, and then you just — poof. I wasn’t heartbroken, but that man you are kissing was. So if you want me to relax you, get rid of him. Or use him to relax you. Either way, get laid,” you stutter a moment, as you hear the locker room door slam shut.

“Unless you want to tell me what really happened. Because believe me when I say this, Pix, something happened. Between you and me, and you’re hiding from it. You don’t have to tell me, but if it’s something that keeps you this stressed, and made my best friend yell and cuss at me, well…that’s your call since Mike can’t explain shit.”

You start to say something. Anything. But Johnny stands up, and gives a nod to Tanzy. “I know I’m an asshole. But while I’m here, I could be your asshole. And I’d like to get to know the squirt. And offer coaching. One on one. Pix, I’m not the evil monster you want me to be. I’m just a prick,” he reaches down to pick up his skates, leaving you wondering what exactly was going on inside your head, and if you made a bigger deal than things. Just like you always did.

Take out the men. And think about just you. You have to take responsibility for your actions. No one can but you. You may be sticking your foot in your mouth, but Johnny deserved to know Tanzy. “You should come by for supper sometime. You and Tanzy can skate on the pond.”

“I haven’t skated on that pond in years. What do you say, squirt, want me to start giving private lessons?”

“What about practice?” She asks, looking around to see everything is still empty. He set you up, but this will make her so happy.

“Practice doesn’t actually start until tomorrow, but we can get some skating in. Pix? Care to join us?” You shake your head no, wanting more than ever to just see Johnny with her. Watching as he actually laughs at things she says, enjoying her. It’s a shame he had all this time without her, and she with him. It just works.

You feel a slight ping in your heart as you watch them, giving your mom a text that there wasn’t actually practice today and she could pick you up.

I knew. Johnny said he could bring you two home.

Of course he did. Of course she knew. It’s fine. It was okay. Get out of your head. That was years ago. Raleigh would have to get used to Johnny being in your life. For Tanzy. And that’s how you wanted to keep it. For Tanzy.

Masterlist

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