#Childrenwithanxiety

[oneflawsomemomma]

Dear Anxiety: You Will Not Take My Daughter Hostage Dear Anxiety, You are a sneaky little bastard, aren't you?  For as long as I can remember you have made your way into my life and riddled me in fear.

[mum-onthe-edge-blog]

What did I do?

What did I do to deserve them? That is the question I find myself asking over and over again, like the whirling of a washing machine... round and round and round it goes in my head.

I often think it must have been something pretty awful in a previous life, some days I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

They sap every last bit of energy and sanity and leave me a shadow of my former self.

I was a happy girl, who wore her heart on her sleeve. I always had a smile and I would laugh at the most ridiculous trivial things. I was alive. My life might not have been the best but I was living my best life and now there is nothing left but misery.

Every day I wake with new intentions, new goals and a new way of thinking. I make a promise that I won't be "that" Mum. I will rise above their constant whinging and disrespect and teach them through my eyes and actions that it is not acceptable behaviour. I will teach them right from wrong in a way where fighting fire with fire isn't an option... and then it happens, 'they' happen and before I know it, I am "that" Mum.

I am the Mum who answers back, who thinks everything is solvable by shouting. I am the Mum who belittles them and says things, horrible things, in the heat of the moment. I am the Mum who can't walk away when she should. The Mum who would remain calm even in the most difficult situations and outburst disappears and is replaced with someone I don't know. Some one I don't like. I am her, I am "that" Mum.

Is it any wonder they are like they are? They are tiny mirror images of us, reflecting back like a huge ugly beast.

I will try to be better, I need to be better. If not for them but for myself...

[wildapparition]

What the past 40 minutes consisted of with my five year old (after hours of clearly sleepy behavior): We decided not to continue outside with the rest of her sparklers and come inside and stay. •She whined because she wanted to go out, which is to be expected. •Then she began to cry see we really weren't going back out. •That was followed by her trying to plead her case--the fact that she still wanted to go out and why. •After that, was the more upbeat frantic crying of not wanting to get a shower and the resulting hysterical hyperventilating crys from the realization that the bath was indeed going down and currently taking place. •Then hyperventilating cries of wanting a hug. [At that point my nerves are super shot and I don't even want to touch things let alone hug something writhing and breathing rapidly while breaking words up over each sucked in breathe] That is the point in time where I (continue) to attempt to get her to close her mouth and breath in thru her nose. Nothing. •Drying off--less crying, more hyperventilating and words. Getting dressed--same. Finally 15 minutes, or more, after finally laying down asking for more hugs, and wanting to be sang to, she is quiet. And I am emotionally exhausted... Now to pry away from the bedroom floor to shower and get into bed myself.