oneflawsomemomma

[oneflawsomemomma]

Little Sister: You're a bad ass bitch

Little Sister: You’re a bad ass bitch

Little Sister, It’s been one hell of a day, hasn’t it?  I believe the words you said while we were sitting in those uncomfortable seats at CarMax were, “Can’t anything good happen?”  and I think the words, “can’t I catch just one break?” were uttered too.  Along with several other phrases that most people use when shitty things happen. I told you it was going to be okay.  And I’m sorry.  Those…

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Less Needed Doesn't Mean Needed Less

Less Needed Doesn’t Mean Needed Less

Sept 18, 2020 It’s one am and I have three teenage girls sitting in my living room eating bowls of chocolate cereal and drinking hot chocolate while watching some horror movie.  (I can tell by the random screams)   Sleepovers sure have changed over the years.  Where they used to be some dinner, some crafts and a fort.  They are now makeup, boytalk, horror movies, and rummaging through my…

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I Have Tools Too, Thank You

I Have Tools Too, Thank You

“Good Luck with that. Let me know how that goes.” The words that were texted to me by my male friend who was clearly a little agitated that I wouldn’t let him come over and you know, “help around the house”. I have been in the process of moving my sister and her two kids into my home the last week, and he had helped the first day or two, but when turned town intimately, got visibly irritated.…

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Scared. Frustrated. Angry. Alone. Lonely.

Scared. Frustrated. Angry. Alone. Lonely.

I have always loved being alone.  I have always had people around.  There’s something comforting in the feeling of solitude with the security of knowing people are waiting for you and supporting you and loving you.  Losing the security.  Losing the support.  The love.  Leaving you with only your aloneness.  It’s an incredibly scary place to be.  To be ALONE.  Truly alone. Two nights ago I had a…

[oneflawsomemomma]

Complex-Motherfucking-PTSD & Boundaries

Complex-Motherfucking-PTSD & Boundaries

Boundaries.  The word that gets thrown around like confetti.  Even from those who you should actually be setting boundaries with.  Now that’s ironic. Toxicity is something that I have known since the minute I took my first breath.  Breed into it like some warrior princess or some shit like that.  Toxicity and elasticity rhyme.  That’s a little ironic too.  The toxicity is the environment, the…

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Gratefulness: Happy Thanksgiving 2020

Gratefulness: Happy Thanksgiving 2020

Gratefulness

It’s a word that is tossed around a lot around this time of year.  It’s Thanksgiving, the time of thanks.  Traditions around the dinner table may include saying something you’re grateful for, praying about your thankfulness, or sometimes in my family we put up paper on the walls for everyone to write down what they are thankful for and everyone gets to examine it.  

This…

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Does Holding On Make Us Strong?

Does Holding On Make Us Strong?

Have you ever held something in your grip so hard that it hurts?  Remember as a kid and having the last piece of candy and your brother or sister tries to snatch it out of your hand so you close your grip as hard as possible, you might even swat back at them.  “No, it’s mine!”  As a kid, that piece of candy is IMPORTANT.  Because it’s yours!  Mom gave it to me for being a good girl at the store…

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Friday The Thirteenth: No Bad JuJu

Friday The Thirteenth: No Bad JuJu

Today is November the 13th.  Or more specifically, Friday the 13th, of what will one day become “the infamous 2020”.  It should be a day of bad juju, but instead it is the first day of the rest of my life.  That sounds so damn cliche, but it truly does feel that way. 

Jordan saw me writing and smiled, ‘you’re writing again?”.  I told him yes, and asked him to guess what the title was.  I have…

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Today I Don't Need Feel-Good Quotes for My Illness

Today I Don’t Need Feel-Good Quotes for My Illness

September 25, 2017

“Grow through what you go through.”

“This is happening to you for a reason. There is a greater purpose here.”

“Sunshine comes to all those who feel the rain.”

“You’ve survived 100 percent of your worst days.”

“The comeback is always stronger than the setback.”

How many times have you heard something similar? Some feel good, “have faith and keep hope” quote…

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F*** Hump Day

Sept 23, 2020

I have been stuck in a weird place.  I want to write, but I am not sure what I want to write about.  I have always wanted to write a book.  It is a dream of mine.  Not so sure that will ever really happen.  

What I do know is that today was mortifying.  And while not book worthy, worth putting my thoughts on the page.  I have been out of work for nearly two months…

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To the Mommas With Mental Illness Having a Tough Day, Week or Month

August 9, 2017

This week was tough.

I fell into my first full depressive episode since I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder.  Being aware of what was happening and not being able to stop the cycle was frustrating to say the least. I have felt it coming for a couple of weeks now, but I was fighting against it.

On Monday, it was hard to get out of bed. By the afternoon, my body…

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One Flawsome Momma: 3rd Grade Homework Woes

When my daughter was little, we would play or relax and then followed a nightly routine of bath, bed, book, snuggles, conversation, and sleep.  These were the days!!

Fast forward a few years.

Projects.  Homework.  EOGs.  Letter Grades.  3rd Grade has been a difficult transition for my daughter and I.  All of a sudden our play and relax time is overwhelmed with dinner and homework and school…

[oneflawsomemomma]

Divorce: From Fear to Inspiration

Inspired. 

It’s been a long time since I truly felt it to my core.  Waking up with purpose.  Killing it during the day.  Staying up late to complete a project, or research, or write verses staying up late ridden with anxiety and depression and fear.  Today, I felt it.  Truly.  Inspired by my work.  Inspired by my progress.  Inspired by my relationships. 

You see.  On Halloween night of 2014 my…

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One Flawsome Momma: Perfection Impedes Acceptance

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted to be the perfect mother.  I spent the first few years hurrying milestones – because if you’ve ever sat around a table with new moms, or old moms, or really ANY MOMS – that’s what the fuss is all about.  “Can you believe my baby is walking at 7 months?!  She is SO TALL.  She is SO BIG.  He already has his first tooth!  He’s only 2 and…

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Assisted Living Nurse: When a Job Becomes a Calling

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life”- Confucius

In all honesty, I believed this to be a load of crap for many years.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love being a nurse.  The greatest part about it has been it’s versatility.  I have worked in an OB/GYN office, a Med Surg Floor, the Operating Room specializing in Vascular and Transplant Surgery, and then Trauma.  Ther…

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Fuck Stagnancy, Embrace Progression

Jan 29, 2017

Here’s the deal.  It’s that special time of year where the nostalgia of Christmas has worn off and the New Year is approaching.  It’s the time of year where we reflect: then decide that resolutions are utter bullshit, or commit to changing every aspect of our lives.  I’m pretty sure this is the “black or white” thinking that I’ve read about in all of the self help books I’ve read…

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When You Feel Held Back From Greatness by Your Mental Illness

July 7, 2017

“There’s this person inside my head. She’s brilliant, capable. She’s me, only so much better. And I’m afraid I will never become this person.” — Meredith Grey, “Grey’s Anatomy.”

This hit home for me tonight… I’m laying in bed, still slightly lethargic from my latest depression and new medication addition. But, in my head, are finally-clearing thoughts that aren’t so…