#Cheese Man

[the-cheese-man]

*the pov is an old camera, there's paper everywhere, none of it with any real meaning on it. And there's a hastily set up testing area. There's a man with disheveled hair and several coffee stains*

Ok so. I figured it out. Drumroll please.

I removed, randomness. Quantum mechanics no longer function, I think, and I can safely say that Schrodinger's cat, is DEFINITELY alive. Look, you see this box? *The man gestures to a cardboard box* so. Inside it. Is a gun, hooked up to a single atom of plutonium there was a cat as well, he is fine, I've fed him, I had no clue whether or not he was alive but that's the point. And after a full month and a half of waiting, I can safely say, that the cat is perfectly and always will be fine. THE ROACH HOWEVER is very VERY much dead and is now a stain on. *The man turn the camera to the left, showing what looks to be the charred remains of a concrete wall* that wall, I tested about forty cockroaches.... So uh. Yeah, sorry to all you physicists out there, and I'm sorry to Las Vegas, you will be losing a LOT of money once I get back to the mainland, also if you've eaten *the man picks up a small package of strawberries* any Roiland brand strawberries you are going to want to check in with a doctor. I AM a sith lord, good bye.

Instead of the curse you intended to lift, you have accidentally broken a curse so ancient that it was assumed to be a fundamental law of the universe.

[the-cheese-man]

Log #33-02-PD

Booting sequence initiated.

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Open text document?

[Y/N]

Y

Translate to standard Western Terran?

[Y/N]

Y

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File loaded. Welcome Captain Kara Briggs.

File Creator: Zartha (approximate romanization from the Cret'lli language)

File Creation: 28-502-TriC Standard Galactic Date, ~ 8/23/7499 Terran Gregorian Calender Date

File Title: On_The_Quiet_Thinkers.SGF.Aud.Transcript

Today I found out something strange. Despite being told to in any circumstances avoid looking into the mind of shipmate Sam, I couldn't help myself. Yes yes I know that I shouldn't mind read Class 4 Cognitive Landscapes, too much going through their heads causing your neurons to shortcircuit. And besides, it's not the first time I've done it. It's also not like I died any other time. But that is beside the point, in my [~230 Standard Gregorian Terran Years] I've never met a more fascinating individual, granted, I've also never interacted with a human before boarding this ship. She was cleaning the floor of the hallway, one of her assigned chores.

When I read that humans mind I was fully expecting to be blasted with information, maybe if even collapse right then and there. But something was wrong, all I heard was music, nothing more, nothing less. I was confused, this was a Class 4 Cognitive Landscape? It's silent relatively speaking... But what I didn't realize was that it wasn't because of what she was thinking about, in fact she was barely thinking at all.

She was wearing headphones.

I had been told that some humans can go on, for lack of a better word, auto pilot, barely thinking about their actions as they do them, and Ive been told by other members of my species that when humans do this their mindscapes are nearly completely and totally empty and devoid of anything save the occasional response to new stimuli.

Humans with ADHD, as I was told, were a notable exception. They always had thoughts going through their head, and the few times there weren't were when they were asleep. I avoid humans with ADHD like the plague, but I thought that it might be fun, I've read the minds of class 7 and 8 minds without dying, although I was stuck in the infirmary for long stretches of time afterwards, how bad could a class 4 be?

After standing there entranced for who knows how long Sam finally noticed me, removed her headphones and asked what I was doing, her mindscape nearly went blank. The music was gone.

I responded by saying that I had read her mind, she then gained a look of concern, immediately asking if I was okay, apparently she had researched a little bit about telepathics. I responded that I was fine and that her mind was strangely quiet... Then she told me that whenever she works on menial tasks she listens to music and "switches off" her brain... I eventually went back to my quarters and thought for some time...

Humans make no sense.

Close file?

[Y/N]

Y

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"God damnit Sam. First the prosthetic now this? What's next?"

[carcrashbaby]

Happy 56th Birthday to Blur's Alex James

(11/21/1968)

[rottenr0ckets]

Pressure oc doodles

I didn't know who to draw him with in the first one so add your oc:3

[maskedteatime]

duster doodle

just wanted to give him some details a couple facets and notches

what a man

[shutinlear53]

So.

As it turns out, you can make american cheese out of any cheese and liquid.

So I did.

98 grams of mozzarella. 98 grams of brie.

40 milliliters of red wine (Jesus' blood).

3 grams of sodium citrate.

Line a plastic container with cling film. Take a pot, put in the wine first and start heating on low heat. Throw in the sliced cheese, start stirring immediately. Once the cheeses become one unholy mass of half molten goop, throw in the sodium citrate. Keep stirring. The liquid and the cheese will merge, and it will look like a fucked up soup. Keep stirring. Just as you start thinking that there's no way this will thicken up, it will, so keep stirring until it has the consistency of regular molten cheese. Turn off the heat and pour the goop out into the container. Wrap the top in the cling film and put it in the fridge once it has cooled down, then let it rest for a day or so.

And there you have it, blood cheese!

if your blood looks anything like this, please consult with a medical professional IMMEDIATELY

[popculturetarot]

‪The Seven of Cups is about being offered too much to fully comprehend. Like a fever dream of all your possibilities open to you, it can be jumbled together in ways that don’t make sense if you don’t focus.‬

[pizzalover8969]

https://youtube.com/shorts/UPwOvE_AZlw?si=ogwLyEAnWLyELIhk

Holy shit, the cheese

@cheese-anon-real

[practicallysomebody13]

THE CHEESE MAN!!!

[cicerosfavouritelistener]

You!

*points*

I unfortunately don't know all your OCS so GO WILD. Your favorite one, I guess!

(this is for the wholesome OC ask thing)

4, 7, 20, please

SAME AS THE LAST ONE! Order's gonna be Slips, Ja'ava, Cheese Man, Rorin, Lorzios and then Lixkasalor!

Warnin for BG3 spoilers!

4. What is the thing they like the most about their friends and what is the thing their friends like the most about them? Slips: What they like most about Cicero and Ja'ava is that while the two of them can take care of themselves, because they're so short if they rush ahead and there's like, Bandits, and then Slips walks up behind them towerin over typically the bandits'll run off. Cue the three of them having a fun time trying to beat each other in who can kill the most bandits. What their friends most like about Slips is probably their ability to be honest with them and also the way they care. Slips doesn't care about a lot of people, so the few they do are incredibly loved.

Ja'ava's favourite thing is how Slips is fully open to any crazy idea Ja'ava had mid battle. Pick Ja'ava up and fling her as high into the sky against a Dragon? Hell yeah. Let Ja'ava run up their back to scramble onto a ledge? Lets go. Slips likes having someone who has known them for so long that they don't have to explain anything about why they're doin whatever they're doing.

Cheese Man likes that they let him stay somewhere where he'd be safe rather than in the freezing Skyrim where most people aren't too fond of him (he's not fond of them either.) They can bully him for being a dickhead.

Rorin's best friend is an Orc called Zuzu (@plutoprophecy's OC). He appreciates her not despising him despite him being everything she stands against (He is Tamriel's biggest and Bestest liar) and yet she and he become besties. She is the one person He trusts with *most* things. There are a few things a man must keep to himself. He does like all of his other friends who make him feel comfortable, but Zuzu is definitely the main one. Idk how his friends feel about them. Lorzios' best friends are Shadowheart and an Ascended Astarion, and her girlfriend is Minthara. Lorzios likes that her friends are strong. Her friends like that she is strong. They're all just a pack of fucked up people. Then there's Gale who Wishes They Weren't Horrid People.

Lixkasalor has no friends. They have puppets they prefer and puppets they don't. Astarion was their favourite puppet, poor guy, went from Cazador to them who ended up taking over the world with the Elder Brain. Shadowheart, Wyll, Astarion, Karlach, Jaheira and Lae'zel would all hate them if they weren't under their Mind Control. Scratch and the Owlbear Cub however are fine and fully loved.

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7. What is their favourite movie, or a movie they would really enjoy?

If Slips had a favourite movie it'd either be Donnie Darko or Eraserhead. Leaning towards the second because they would point at weirdly shaped rocks and in a weird voice say "That's the Eraserhead baby".

Ja'ava's favourite movie is the Indiana Jones ser- HA! YOU THOUGHT? No Ja'ava lives to watch documentaries on how various machines and stuff are made.

Cheese Man watches The Kings Speech. No one should ever let him choose which movie to watch.

Rorin either watches Wog Boy or Die Hard. They also like just about any romcom.

Lorzios loves anything that's got a lot of Gore and Blood.

Lixkasalor would watch movies that are made about themselves. The ones that paint them in a good light and ones that depict them entirely as the villain, they enjoy all of it.

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20. What is their hidden talent? Is that a skill they’ve been practising since childhood or just something they happen to know and never had the chance to show? Besides, was it something forced upon them, taught by someone close, or they picked it up themselves?

Slips and Ja'ava's is kind of a two-in-one, ever since they were kids they practiced mimicking each others voices and they're REAL good at it.

Cheese Man can lick his elbow. He practised a lot as a child because he wanted to prove he was better than the others.

Rorin's doesn't have one. He's just a Bosmer who lies a lot.

Lorzios' hidden ability is being the Cutest Slayer you've ever laid eyes on. She is SOOOOO cute you don't want to try stop her, in fact you want to spread your arms out so she can play with your intestines as much as she wants!

Lixkasalor doesn't really have 'hidden talents', They're very open about who they are and what they can do. Though, for a dragonborn, they're *very* skilled [redacted]

[rad-robbie]

Anyone on here have that image where it's this fucking egg man with like six legs and it just says "he teavels. He seems the parmesan" because it's haunting my head but I can't find it

[emmaklee]

Koen van Os advertising poster

[the-cheese-man]

Ask Me Whether or Not it's a Dwarf, and I'll Tell Ya

First, the rules for dwarfs that exist.

1. The thing they are named after has to physically exist, and can't be the same as another thing, just used for another purpose, it has to be both visually and definably different. It has to be manmade.

2. It HAS to be a THING, no concepts (for example, Love, Death and Home would not be dwarves as those are vague nonphysical concepts. You can't hold a home, and nobody invented it either.) It also cannot be something that was harnessed like fire or heat.

3. At some point new inventions are just repurposed concepts that already exist, a shack and a shed are effectively the same thing the only difference is how it is used, as my brother worded it, "a hair brush and a shit brush both could theoretically be used for the same thing, you probably wouldn't want to though".

It's in the title, comment on this and I'll tell you whether or not it is a dwarf, I'll also add it to

THE LIST

Dwarfs that exist

Wedge

Axle

Pulley

Wheel

Screw

Plane

Blade (cranky bastard)

Sword

Katana

Longsword

Shortsword

Halberd

Spear

Axe

Hammer

House

Cottage

Mansion

Shack

Tavern (very popular among the dwarves)

Beer (also very popular)

Stout (lives in the desert)

Whiskey

Wine

Slave (the other dwarves don't like him, not because he owns slaves, but because he has other people do work he could do himself.)

Farm

Hydraulic (doesn't exist yet but would be a dwarf, from here on abbreviated to FD for future dwarf)

Piston (would be the older brother of Hydraulic, not a future dwarf)

Train

Cup

Flask

Crate

Boat

Net

Light Bulb FD

Book

Library

Drug

Airship

Boat

Submarine (they exist but work differently than actual submarines)

ATV (makes vehicles which work on the earth air and water)

[thesmithslover2]

alex james’ love for cheese is so amusing, he just really loves cheese. i think it’s quite pure and lovely and such. just a man and his cheese.

[felixtheunfortunatelyfortunate]

There is a funny cheese man now

I have a funny cheese man

I can rest peacefully now

[cicerosfavouritelistener]

Finally drawin Cheese Man so have this while I shade and line it.