#Charles will be fine he's just having painful flashbacks

[radiobunnxx]

"Are you okay Mr. Cheese?"

That feeling when you get reminded of your situation-ship / the guy that walked out on you (Rightfully so from your badass attitude🙄) from your son's new partner so now your just uncomfortable around them

[demelzathemer]

I'm watching the Doom Patrol episode for the first time ever and LOSING MY MIND, why didn't anyone tell me this is GOOD??? It's written by Steve Yockey and it SHOWS because the dialogue is absolutely the same as in the netflix series

Crystal is so catty and Edwin is fed up with people while Charles mediates, they're the same characters just played by different people?? I'm gonna add some shitty screensnaps here to yell about it

Obviously spoilers if you care about that;

Crystal <3 She looks closer to her comicbook self but has the same amount of sass as her netflix self

I swear I'm so normal about this bit of dialogue. Crystal telling Edwin Charles will protect him (with a baseball bat, mind you, they're in the States!) and their responses, I wish I could see Jayden and George act this part.

(I can hear "I'd do it anyway, won't I?" in Jayden's voice... weeps)

Edwin sassing out little girls again??? I lost it with the pose and voice

WEAK FOR THOSE BIG BROWN EYES

(Jayden's voice again. I know you hear it)

He should've been allowed to drape himself over Edwin like this too. Why would Netflix do this to me

"Love this." EDWIN??? He's way too happy that they're gonna smack their client with a shovel.

And CHARLES (pulls it out without anyone asking, he knows what's going to happen next) HANDS IT TO CRYSTAL so she can be the one doing the smacking???

And she's way too eager as well. What is happening here. Though I love how seamlessly they work as a trio now. Even if it's for the purpose of knocking out their unsuspecting client

"The price to open the door to afterlife is pain, and I'm the only one who can do it."

With the door handle being a BABYDOLL HEAD. With HELL FLAHBACKS. What the actual fuck?

I thought the doll spider was netflix original character??

And Charles immediately being "you don't have to do it, we can find another way in" I might be crying

Charles is afraid of water??? That's CANON?? It has to be, nothing has been changed about the characters so far!

Charles (with red-rimmed eyes): "I'm not scared! Just so you know."

Edwin (lying to make Charles feel better): "We know."

They're so in love. But what do you mean with "I'll make sure he's fine"? What are you gonna do, Edwin? Hold his hand on the boat ride? (They didn't show that part, so that's probably what happened.)

They had ONE episode and they still had to make sure that we know Edwin's gay.

I'm OBSESSED with this line and this repressed version of Edwin, I don't have the words right now but I read someone's brilliant analysis about it. (Pls link if you find it)

"I used to think that, too. But it's not 1916 anymore, you know?"

"Well, I'm not like you. But thanks for the concern."

Edwin, oh my god that is so sad. What makes you think you don't deserve happiness? I need to study him under a microscope

...Then STRAIGHT INTO death flashbacks??? They didn't leave anything out, watching this one episode spoils 7 out of 8 episodes of the netflix series?!

"She's good." Edwin appreciates Crystal! I love that they genuinely are a trio here and the boys know about her quirks like they know each other

Also David lore is unchanged too and Crystal bonding with Dorothy was so sweet

...THE NIGHT NURSE IS HERE TOO?? I thought she was a netflix original character too (Cat King, Tragic Mick and Jenny are, at least?)

AND SHE'S RUTH CONNEL??? ALSO WTF JUST HAPPENED

Her character is pretty different alright, and played very differently by the same actress??? And Charles just WENT FOR IT unprovoked?! Do they know about her in this universe, is she like a monster that's actively hunting them down and can be alerted by killing(?) I literally don't know anymore this is crazy

(Edwin was so cute jumping up and cheering lol. A bit jarring how much more he curses here though)

This is actually an insane episode, the trio with their huge amount of lore just drop in in the middle of already established group of characters and their lore and then, they're never seen again after this??

And they had flashbacks to both of their deaths without explaining ANYTHING about what the hell was that. Just five seconds of "being chased and covered in blood", teasing something about their relationship, Crystal dropping her goal of beating her missing memories out of a demon, no conclusion of wtf was "spider-face lady" aka the Night Nurse, etc etc. They needed their own show really badly huh

So netflix hurry up and give us a second season! After seeing this I'm blown away by the execution of Dead Boy Detectives and how Jayden and George really brought the characters to life. I'm so thankful we have that. Their chemistry really is what makes the show.

[alicent-vi-britannia]

Lelouch's relentless search for purpose in life

I've previously talked to you about Lelouch's trauma through the enneagram to explain why Lelouch refuses to open up and trust others and insists on doing everything alone to feel self-sufficient and strong. I've also used the enneagram to explain that Lelouch has locked himself into a protective shell and is uncomfortable feeling vulnerable because of his trauma and his upbringing in Darwinian values ​​in Britannia. However, I haven't talked to you directly about one thing that is very important and perhaps because it is so obvious I have overlooked it until I stumbled upon a small thread on Twitter.

In the last conversation Lelouch has with his father, Charles nullifies the meaning and value of his existence by telling him: "But you're dead. You've always been dead, from the moment you were born. Who gave you the fine clothes you wear, a comfortable home, the food you eat, and your own life? I gave you all of that. You are nothing to me because you have never existed." At that moment, Charles kills Lelouch in symbolic terms, causing him enormous psychological and emotional damage from which he never recovers.

We have this flashback in episode 7 of the first season and later Lelouch threatens CC with suicide if she does not let him go to face his sister, Cornelia: "Until I met you, I was dead. A corpse that existed behind a false appearance of life, a life in which I did nothing real. I experienced the emotions of living day to day as if I were a zombie, with the feeling that I was dying little by little. And if I have to go back to that, then I prefer… [And he places his finger on the trigger of the gun]." The series connects those two scenes through a Dutch shot focused on Lelouch's gaze. The Dutch shot is a steep horizontal tilt shot that is used to indicate instability or danger or that something is not right. In this case, it warns us, on a superficial level, that Lelouch has felt dead since his last meeting with his father and that he has been fighting against that (unfounded) belief and these negative feelings and, on a deeper level, that this is a wrong and harmful belief of Lelouch's that has been poisoning his mental health ever since.

(It's sad to compare the two shots. Little Lelouch's eyes show deep pain. As the Bart and Lisa Simpson meme says: it's the exact frame in which his heart broke. Teenage Lelouch's eyes, on the other hand, are empty. A dead look.)

There are several moments in the story that give us an idea of ​​the young prince's struggle. For example, in the first Audio Drama, "The Uninvited Prince," a young Suzaku rescues Lelouch from some children who are beating him and reproaches him for not standing up for himself and disregarding the hospitality his home provides him and his sister, to which the child Lelouch replies, "I am here and I will live. If I live by my own strength, then I will never be dead again." Little Suzaku, of course, finds Lelouch's statement absurd and just thinks he is a strange child. But this response reflects the boy's insane desire to be self-sufficient (to the point of rejecting the help of others) in order to feel that he is alive (remember that Charles told him that he is alive because he has given him everything he has).

We also have a Picture Drama (I'm sorry I don't remember or have the exact number of the PD, but if it's part of the alternate universe, we can ignore it because they are different universes that shouldn't be mixed) with a monologue by a teenage Lelouch: "I've made a vow to use the strength I have to save Nunnally. That will be the proof that I exist in this world."

These words evoke in me a part of Lelouch's song "Back to Zero" (for the fantastic Code Black album in Ashford) in which our hero sings: "Oh! Can you hear me? This fight is how I know I'm alive."

That is, Lelouch tries to prove his father wrong by looking for a purpose to live that reaffirms his existence and, in principle, Lelouch finds it in Zero and the rebellion since they are the means he has to destroy Britannia and create a kind world for Nunnally. And that's why later on he abandons Ashford Academy, the Zero mask and his friends and gives in to depression (in the future, I'll talk about this moment in more depth in another analysis). Then his goals change and his motivations are reconsidered for a series of reasons and events that I won't stop to explain here, but I will point out that I find it interesting and moving how Lelouch goes from clinging to a purpose in life to giving up on it and dying, in order to fulfill his new goals, obtain results and atone for his sins (the magic of a powerful script and a narrative arc, Larry).

Also, all of this explains why Lelouch lost his temper in the season 1 finale when Suzaku yelled at him that his existence was a mistake and that he needed to be wiped off the face of the Earth. Not only did it bring back memories of Vietnam for Lelouch, it was another important person to him who was denying his existence. Suzaku's words hurt him because, as President Snow said in the Hunger Games trilogy, "the people we love the most are the ones who destroy us." I'm not sure if Suzaku knew what Charles told his friend since Lelouch never reveals his secrets to anyone (people around him, including his loved ones, find out on their own), but Suzaku certainly hit a sensitive button that mentally unsettled Lelouch.

Poor Lelouch. He just wanted his existence validated.

[la-cinephile]

Review and thoughts about TROP 02x08

After watching episode 8 twice (and after crying a lot), here is my review of the last episode of the season 2 of The Rings of Power with a lot of spoilers.

A visual masterpiece

It's not the first episode to be really good on that point but there are definitely some epic scenes that make this season finale almost perfect visually. It begins with the first sequence at Khazad-Dûm with the Balrog. Huge shoutout to the VFX crew who creates this creature and for their work throughout the show because visual effects look great 99% of the time (the 1% left is for the warg in season 1).

King Durin facing the Balrog - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

Through the episode we also have a lot of stunning shots as the ones below :

Pelargir - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

Númenor - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

Rivendell - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

An emotional episode

Even though the series was good in season 1 and also in the beginning of season 2, I didn't feel so emotional than in the last two episodes and especially in episode 8.

Father and son (of father / daughter) relationships are always moving to me so the scene between Prince Durin IV and his father at the beginning and THAT scene with Adar and his children had a big impact on me.

The betrayal scene is the saddest and one of the most brutal thing that happened in the show. It's well done and echoes perfectly what happened in the 02x01 in the flashback but it was hard to watch. I mean, Adar trusted his children and them, they didn't understand that he was making sacrifices not really by choice but because it was necessary to assure peace for their kind. It was a heavy price for him, it was painful but he knew it was the only way to win but no, Glûg thought it was better to make an alliance with Evil.

As I said in a previous post, there is something very similar to the Assassination of Julius Caesar in this scene with the Lord-Father being betrayed by several of his children, especially Glûg who was one of his closest "child", not to mention that Adar calls him "son" (yeah I'm sobbing again writing this).

Adar being betrayed by Glûg - Shadow and Flame (02x08)

I hate Glûg for what he did but he clearly didn't deserve to die like that (poor Mrs Glûg and Glûg Jr) but it's the only way for the other orcs to realize that they made a mistake and be like : "oh no, daddy was right, we were so wrong not to trust him"

Of course as an Adar fan it's hard to watch this scene but his narrative arc makes sense and we all knew he would die sooner or later. He was there during two seasons and that's already a long for an OC and even if he had survived, what next? If his children had been taken by Sauron anyway, would he have lived with that ? With the fact that he lost his children? I don't think so.

Anyway, Adar is undoubtedly one of the best character in the whole series and I will really missed him in the next seasons.

Let me be delulu for a moment : in the beginning of season 3 we will see that the betrayal scene was just a vision of Adar when he put on the ring and by doing so he sees what will happen and so he will prevent it and everything will be fine

I also must talk about the scene between Celebrimbor and Sauron and once again, what a scene! Charles Edwards and Charlie Vickers' performances are so great. This duo is one of the higlights of this second season, and both characters have a very good evolution. I feel so bad for Celebrimbor and I hate Sauron so much for what he has done to him.

But the episode also have less serious moments and sometimes even got some "fun" like when Gil-galad reacts to the sound of the dwarves coming to help the elves by just saying "Dwarves" with a knowing glance to Elrond. This quote doesn't have to be so funny but it made me smile (and I needed it).

Talking about Gil-galad, seeing him on the battlefield make me like him more. I mean I didn't really like him before because he had this elvish attitude I really don't like and I clearly prefer him as a warrior king.

I will just add a few words on Galadriel : Morfydd Clark was once again so badass. Her quote "the door is shut" and the kick just after, I mean it's so good to have a strong woman in a fiction like this, no matter what haters think, there is girl power in TROP and I love that!

An amazing soundtrack

Bear McCreary has created so many masterpieces throughout the whole series and there are definitely great musical themes added in season 2 like the music for Rhûn or this awesome metal song (The Last Ballad of Damrod) in episode 7.

Soundtrack is an important part of a tv series or a movie and so in TROP, the scenes are not just great, they become epic and truly as powerful as some scenes in the LOTR trilogy. It really gave me chills through all episode 8, mostly at the end at the future Rivendell which is a so beautiful scene.

Near perfection

The episode wasn't perfect and not as good as episode 7 in my opinion and I think the main reason is the pacing.

There is something wrong with it, it happens also in other episodes but here it's obvious, I mean some time has passed since the end of episode 7 and even if it's only a matter of a couple hours, I think it would have been better if episode 8 have been longer and could explain how Arondir was healed for example.

Let me be clear : I'm glad he is alive because he is a good character but how the hell did he survives adar's attack?! He was stabbed with an arrow and with a sword and he appears in episode 8 as if nothing bad happened to him, just a scratch or something like that. He looks just fine and it would have been better to have an explanation. Yes, you will say it's Gil-galad who must have healed him but when? And why aren't they together when they are taking hostages by the orcs before the dwarfs are coming to rescue?

With more time, we could also have known why Adar took the crown in the middle of the forest or how Glûg convinced other orcs to betray Adar because the last time we saw him in episode 7, he seems to be the only one to stay at the camp and not following Adar to the city and I would have be more kind on his "conspiracy" if we had a shot where some Uruks gathered around Glûg (you'll say we saw that earlier in episode 7 during the dialogue between Glûg and Adar but I keep thinking that a shot with several orcs staying with Glûg while Adar is marching to the city would have be more significant.)

Okay, it's my way to say I want an extended cut, no matter how long it is but please Amazon give us the extended cut!

Also, I know there is no need to explain everything (even though it's one of my flaw either as a spectator and as a writer because I always want to know every details or make sure that everything is clear) but how did Galadriel survived a fall like that?

About the Gandalf's reveal well it's not a bad thing if you considered only the movies and if you haven't read the books but I hope it's not only for fan service. I'm not mad at it but with all the hints, it's not such a big reveal in the end.

Conclusion

It was a good episode and I prefer this second season to the first one. The end is perfect as it concludes some narrative arcs and opens on others like the creation of The One Ring, Númenóreans going on war or the establishment of Rivendell. Yes some characters will be missed in the next seasons but if the show really goes on for 5 seasons, it's already good for some characters to have been able to stay alive that long, moreover for Adar who was supposed to be killed off earlier according to the showrunners. I can't wait for the next season because great things are coming and it will probably be at least as good as this second season.

Thanks for reading this long review 😊

[rebelwrites]

Winner Takes It All || Twenty Four: I Am Right Where I Need To Be

Charles Leclerc x Valentina Hendrix (OC)

Winner Takes It All Masterlist

Summary: Charles starts to feel the old Vali is coming back and he is one step closer to getting his girl back.

Warnings: tiny mention of the crash

A/N: I am sorry this has taken so long to get this part out things are hectic with the dino launch and running two businesses. This is kind of a filler part

As always reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated ❤️ if you want tagging in future parts let me know ❤️

Charles’ POV

“How the hell do you expect me to get in your Ferrari with this,” Vali huffed, gesturing to her bright red cast. A smirk formed on my face at the sight of the colour, it was obviously going to happen when I was the one who was asked about the colour.

“Urm shit,” I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck. “I didn’t think about that.” I admitted, looking up at her face. “We can make it work.”

Although I wasn’t sure we would, the car was extremely low to the ground with not much room to manoeuvre. After three attempts we gave up, I would pick the Ferrari up later on tonight but for now we ordered a cab.

The journey home was quiet, I could tell Vali was tired even though she would never have openly admitted it, just like she would admit she was still having flashbacks of the crash. I noticed with every loud noise she flinched ever so slightly.

It felt good to have her resting her head against my shoulder throughout the ride back to maman’s. I would have taken her back to my apartment but knew that here was the better option, there was more space for her and this was like a second home to her.

As we pulled on the drive I noticed the front door swinging open and three familiar faces flooded out of the house.

Vali hadn’t noticed that her mum and dad were standing on the front porch. I had spoken to Enrico this morning and he told me that he had cancelled the rest of the meetings over the next week so he could come see his little girl. Just from speaking to him I could feel that he felt extremely guilty for not being in Japan, even when he facetimed Vali she told him it was okay and she would have hated it if he lost the huge deal he had in front of him.

Vali hadn’t even gotten out of the car before everyone came rushing over, the smile on her face was wide and melted my heart. Reaching into the car I wrapped my arms around her helping her to exit the vehicle before passing her the crutches. I knew that once she was inside she would toss them in a cupboard refusing to use them no matter how much I tried to convince her she needed them.

Most people didn’t realise how stubborn she was but when she had her mind set on something she would do everything in her power to achieve it.

Taking a step back I allowed everyone to greet her, pulling her in for tight hugs. I could tell that she was putting on a brave face, she hid her pain well but I could see right through it, I always have.

“You doing okay son?” Maman asked, wrapping her arm around my waist.

Letting out a heavy sigh I nodded. “I am now I know she is going to be okay.” I hummed, refusing to take my eyes off Vali.

“You’re forfeiting the rest of the season aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I need to be here with Vali.”

“You know she won’t let that happen.” Maman chuckled, pressing a kiss against my cheek. “So good luck with getting your way on that one.”

We had been home for a couple of days now, Vali still refused to use the crutches and just like I had thought they had been tossed into the downstairs cupboard. She also refused to take any of the pain meds.

“Babygirl, you need to take your tablets.” I whispered, crouching down in front of her, placing my hand on her knee. “Don’t lie to me and tell me you aren't in any pain because I can see it written on your face. Plus you are being extremely grumpy.”

“I am not grumpy.” She pouted, “I don’t need the tablets, I’m fine.” she protested, reaching over to the side table to grab her drinks bottle, wincing in the process.

“See you are in pain.” I hummed, raising my brow at her. “Please just take some painkillers, you know I hate seeing you in pain. If you don’t take them I’m telling Maman.”

“Fine.” she huffed, I had won this time but i knew she would refuse again in a couple of hours but at least I was able to get her to take some tablets.

Pushing myself onto my feet I strolled into the kitchen with a small smile on my face. As I sorted the painkillers out my mind started to wander, I had the rest of the week to try and convince Vali that I was forfeiting the rest of the season. I couldn’t go back to the track whilst she was here, I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus.

I had a plan, I knew I had a lot of making up to do for the pain I had caused over the last four years, I could feel the connection we still had. Every time she laughed it my heart fluttered, her smile made my stomach flip and she crept into my thoughts all of the time. Over her recovery I was planning on breaking down the walls she had built to protect her heart.

I didn’t know how long it would take but I would wait a lifetime and would do anything for her.

“Oi asshole, you are blocking the TV. Move before I beat you.” I heard Vali snap, no doubt Arthur was winding her up again. Grabbing the tablets from the brown paper bag I scurried into the living room leaning against the door frame watching my younger brother smirk back at her.

“How you gonna do that?” he hummed, with an amused look on his face.

“I have my ways.” Vali scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. “Unless you want to find out then I would suggest you move your fat ass.”

“You think I have a fat ass?” he scoffed, looking over his shoulder trying to see his ass, he looked like a puppy trying to chase his tail and I wish I had my phone handy .

Walking into the room I passed Vali her tablets and turned to Arthur, shaking my head at him before smacking round the back of his head.

“Leave her alone.” I chuckled, as I picked up Vali’s legs so I could sit down on the sofa.

“Bro she has you whipped.” Arthur winked, causing Vali to flip him off.

I didn’t miss the smirk on Enrico’s face as he walked into the room, his gaze was on both me and Vali before he walked over to his daughter, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

I finally felt like I was on the right path to rebuilding both mine and Vali’s hearts.

Reaching for my phone I couldn’t help but grin at the text that had just come through. The final part of the plan was complete, the car had just arrived at the track. I just needed to convince Vali that it was time to go outside.

I knew she was scared, it had been nearly a week since she had come out of hospital and from the moment she did the press kept hounding her on social media. Everyone wanted to know her side of the crash, how her recovery was going so I didn’t blame her for shutting the world out but she couldn’t hide for the rest of her life.

Over the last couple of days the air around me and Vali had changed. It had gone back to how it was when we were dating. The flirty banter, the lingering touches and the cuddling was back. Neither of us had said anything about it but I knew I was on the right path to getting my girl back. I just needed to be patient and take things at whatever speed Vali wanted to go.

The sound of thudding pulled my attention away from my phone, locking the device I slipped it into my pocket. I went to investigate the noise, the moment I saw Vali bum shuffling down the stairs I couldn’t help but laugh, she was nothing but determined that was for sure.

“Need any help, sweetheart?” I hummed, leaning against the bannister rail.

“I’m good.” she nodded, not taking her gaze from the stairs, I felt my heart melt at the sight of her sticking her tongue out slightly as she concentrated on not missing a step.

Once she was at the bottom step, I reached out to her offering my hand to help her to her feet but she swatted it away like she had done every single time I offered. Shaking my head at her stubbornness I took a step back allowing her the space she needed to pull herself up using the bannister.

“You do know I can just carry you up and down the stairs right?”

“And like I said every time you say that, I don’t need help.” she pouted, leaning against the bannister rail, trying to hide the fact she was slightly out of breath.

“There's no shame in needing help, babygirl.” I whispered, wrapping my arm around her shoulders pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to fly out to Qatar?” she questioned, raising her brow at me.

“Nope,” I hummed, trying to hide the smirk that was forming. “I am right where I need to be. Now come on, we have plans today.”

“I’m ready.” she nodded, looking up at me through her lashes.

I hadn’t missed the fact that once again she had stolen my Ferrari hoodie rather than wearing her Alpha Tauri hoodie. Each time I saw her in my clothes it practically brought me to my knees and I wasn’t afraid to admit it. “Red looks good on you.” I winked, dropping my hand down to her lower back. What surprised me was the fact that she didn’t fight the fact I said we had plans. I could see it in her eyes she was tired of being stuck in the house even though the thought of the press terrified her.

Spinning on the balls of my feet I quickly grabbed her crutches that were leant against the sideboard in the hallway. After her dad found out she shoved them into a cupboard he gave her a lecture about not using them, although she never listened to him but I made sure they were always handy for her to use. So as I passed her the crutches I half expected her to throw them on the floor.

“You gonna tell me what you got planned?” Vali asked, as she willingly took the crutches, surprising me in the process.

“It’s a surprise.” I grinned, holding the front door open for her.

“Fine,” she huffed, rolling her eyes at me. “As long as we stop for coffee on the way to wherever.”

@chibsytelford @dragon-of-winterfell @ohthemisssery @a-distantdreamer @sgkophie @stillbreathin @angywritesstuff @miamedyu @enchantedbytomandhenry @scribbuluswrites @dangerouspursepeachbear @micks-afterglow @livo67 @buendiabebeta @pleasedontfollowinlost @ferrarifwendvale @hungryhungarian @theplobnrgone @charlesleclercje @sunf1owerrq @queenslife @panicforspec @inesramoss30 @justme2042 @liv67 @sessgjarg @derpinathebrave @idkiwantchocolatee @littleobsessionsandlifeslessons @alynoa @clcspeonies @pleasantducktimetravel @organasith @inchidentwithmax @raaaaabzzz @teamspideyman @marvelousmendess @mehrmonga @sbgal @thattaylorswiftobsessedbitch @mloyer

[bi-bard]

Confrontations - Connor Rhodes Imagine (Chicago Med)

Title: Confrontations

Pairing: Connor Rhodes X Reader

Word Count: 1,600 words

Warning(s): drugging, attempted murder, mentions of murder

Summary: (Late Season 4) After a bit of tense interaction with a colleague, (Y/n) wakes in a hospital bed with all the time in the world to put the missing pieces together.

Author's Note: Y'all, this plotline was batshit. Obviously, I had to write something for it.

flashbacks marked by italics

--------------------------------

I had never been more confused than I had when I woke up in a hospital bed.

I had no memory of really anything for the last several hours. It was bizarre.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I woke up more. I felt like there was a weight sitting on my head.

When I moved my hand away, I made eye contact with April. She walked in immediately.

"Hey," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great, but I'm not in any pain," I replied. "What happened?"

"Well, we aren't sure," she explained. "You were dosed with something, but none of us have been able to figure out how it got into your system."

"Am I okay?"

"We're getting it treated," she nodded. "I'll be right back. There are a lot of people worried about you."

I grinned, "Thank you."

"It's my job," she waved me off. "Relax. Please."

I nodded.

As she walked out, I turned my head to the side, looking at my monitors. I tried to think about the last day or so. What the hell had gotten me there?

The first thing I could remember was walking into the doctor's lounge in the E.D. I had just received some good news and I had been looking for someone.

Connor. I was looking for Connor.

"You look happy," Connor had noted as soon as he saw me.

"I am," I had replied. "Remember that patient I was having a hard time with? Been in the psych ward for ages?"

"Yeah?"

"We finally made some real progress, and he's getting discharged."

"No way," Connor had smiled at me. I nodded. He walked over and pulled me into a hug. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," I muttered, hugging him a little tighter.

I stepped back, about to ask about his day when the door opened. Ava stepped in, freezing for a moment when she saw us.

I had known the history between Connor and Ava. Connor and I had been friends for years, so I saw a lot of it firsthand. I felt bad for her. So much had happened so fast. But I still saw the pain that Connor had been dragged through. It broke my heart.

"Hey," I waved, wanting to keep a good work relationship with her. She was good at her job, she deserved respect for that.

"Hey," she mumbled, seeming tense at the mere sight of me. She looked at Connor. "I just needed a consult."

"Alright," Connor nodded before looking at me. "I'll see you later."

"Sounds good."

As he walked out, I expected Ava to immediately follow him. She didn't. She stepped toward me. I immediately noticed the dark look in her eye.

"You need to back off," she said quietly.

"I'm sorry," I asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"You heard me," she gave me a tense grin. "I see you and Connor. I need you to back off. Don't be another obstacle for me."

I could've asked a million questions in that moment. But I didn't. I just nodded at her. I tried to maintain her calm mood. If I upset her, I had no idea what the consequences would've been.

I furrowed my eyebrows just as Dr. Charles walked in.

"Hey," he said as he walked in. "How are you feeling?"

"Is every person going to ask me that," I chuckled. "I'm fine."

He nodded, "Good, I'm glad."

"Has anything happened while I was out," I asked. "Are my patients okay?"

"Oh, oh," he nodded. "Everyone's okay. You had one patient worried because you two were meant to meet today."

"Oh, no," I ran a hand over my face. "Poor girl. I gave her this assignment to help her cope. She must feel like I abandoned her."

"I took care of it."

"Thank you," I grinned. "Is she okay now?"

"I promised an update on your condition."

"So that's why you're here," I pointed at him.

He held his hands up for a moment before chuckling, "I should let you rest."

"Thank you, Dr. Charles."

He grinned and nodded before heading out.

I tried to relax into the pillow. My hand fidgeted with the blanket as I tried to put more thoughts together. Had I done anything truly out of the ordinary?

No. Nothing.

Well, no, that's not right. Something was different. Something that stuck out to me. What was it?

I had been sitting with my food at one of the tables in the hospital cafeteria. I was looking over a patient's file when there was a coffee cup placed in front of me.

I looked up from the cup to see Ava standing in front of me. I raised an eyebrow at her. She just threatened me a little while ago, what was she doing?

"I wanted to apologize," she said. "What I did earlier was not okay. You didn't deserve to be treated like that."

I grinned at her, "Oh, thank you."

She nodded, tucking her hands in her pockets, "Are we okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "We're okay."

"Thank you," she replied before turning and walking away from me.

It was the coffee.

It was something in the coffee.

That was the only thing that was different from my day-to-day activities.

I felt my breath speed up as I tried to even consider the chance. Ava seemed a bit obsessive, yes, but murderous? That just... There was no way.

April walked by my room.

"April," I said, getting her attention before she could get too far.

"Hey," she replied. "Connor said he's going to come down as soon as he can."

"Okay, okay," I waved the statement off. "I need... I need you to promise me something."

She seemed worried as soon as I spoke. Her eyebrows furrowed.

"What's going on," she asked.

"Do not let Ava in this room, please," I explained. "I... I need you to promise me."

"Why?"

"Please just promise me."

"Okay, okay," she grabbed my hand. "I promise."

"Thank you," I muttered, leaning back against the pillow. "Thank you."

April nodded again before leaving the room.

I spent the rest of the day on high alert. I gripped at the blanket and kept scanning the walkway just outside the door.

I saw people muttering more and more to each other. Drama moves fast in the hospital. I walked out to the desk, seeing Maggie at the computer.

"We were going to help you out-"

"What's going on," I asked, ignoring her.

She froze up.

"Maggie."

"It's Ava," she replied. I furrowed my eyebrows. "She... She slit her own throat."

"What?"

"In front of Connor."

"Holy shit," I whispered. "Is she okay? In surgery or anything?"

"She didn't make it."

"And Connor?"

"Shaken up but she didn't hurt him. He went home."

I nodded. Thank God.

"My papers are all filled out, can I-"

"I'd be angry if you tried to do anything else," Maggie cut me off. "You are not driving yourself."

"I've got them," Dr. Charles was walking out of the hospital. "I'm heading out for the day."

"I can't ask you-"

"Good thing you aren't asking," he said. "Come on. You need to get home."

Dr. Charles was quiet as he listened to me list off directions to my apartment building. He made sure I made it to my door before leaving, wishing me well.

I placed stuff on the couch and had been getting ready for bed when there was a knock on my door. I opened it to see Connor on the other side.

He looked tired. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was messy, and his shoulders were slouched forward. I stepped to the side and let him walk in. I closed the door behind him.

"Maggie called when you went-"

I stepped forward and hugged him tightly. He slowly hugged me back.

"They told me about Ava," I mumbled. "I'm so sorry."

"T-Thank you," he stepped back a bit. "She... she was the one that killed my dad."

"Oh God..."

"There's... There's something else," he sighed. "When I confronted her about my dad, before she... before she hurt herself, she confirmed that she was the one who dosed you."

I nodded, "I... I kinda figured that out. The coffee she offered me was the only super different part of my day."

"I'm sorry-"

"You didn't do anything wrong," I stopped him.

"I'm leaving the city."

"Oh? Forever?"

"It's looking that way," he replied.

He reached forward and grabbed one of my hands. I looked down as he ran his thumb over my knuckles.

"I almost lost you," he muttered.

"I'll try to not let it happen again," I tried to joke in the hopes of relieving some of the tension in the room.

He chuckled.

The room fell silent for a while. Not long, maybe half a minute. But it felt like an eternity.

"Come with me," he said at last.

"What," I asked.

"I want you to come with me," he pushed. "I want to be with you. I... I love you."

I felt my heart almost stop in its tracks.

Connor looked ready to backtrack. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer as he kissed me back.

I slowly pulled away, smiling at him, "I love you too, Connor."

He smiled back and pulled me into another kiss.

I leaned back and rested our foreheads together.

"Where are we going," I asked.

"I... I don't know yet," he chuckled. "Somewhere nice."

I nudged his nose with mine as I agreed, "Somewhere nice."

--------------------------------

Masterlist (Includes links to All Writing Challenges)

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[peakyswritings]

Sham || Part VI

Tommy Shelby x OC

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VII Final Part

Whatever they had before France was over the moment he stepped on that train. Whatever they had after Grace left for New York was consolation. And their marriage was a sham.

Summary: Tommy and Helen decide to take a break from their fights for Charlie’s sake.

Warnings: smoking, mentions of divorce, implied smut (nothing graphic), nightmares, mentions of war

A/N: Mr and Mrs Shelby need a break from their fights, guys. In this chapter there’s one last flashback, where I used part of Grace and Tommy’s dialogue from s3 ep1, then everything will move forward. Also, I have a feeling a lot of you won’t like the end of this chapter

Gif credit

Sitting in his office, Tommy couldn’t stop thinking. It didn’t matter how much he drank, or smoked, or kept himself busy, his mind wouldn’t let him rest.

It wasn’t just the fear that Helen would actually leave him that haunted him, it was regret.

Tommy despised himself for the things he had told her a few weeks prior, the night when everything fell apart. That fight was the last straw. After ignoring her for weeks, he had the nerve to tell her that their marriage was the best she could ever have, he had accused her of trying to replace Grace. He regretted every vicious word that had left his mouth.

It wasn’t Grace that Tommy regretted. She had given him a child, and he couldn’t imagine a life without him. Charlie was the only good thing that had come out of that situation.

He regretted the way he had always taken Helen for granted. He regretted hurting her. He had the chance to change, after their marriage, to treat her like she deserved to be treated. But he didn’t. He was grieving and he didn’t know how to face his pain, so he pushed her away.

Helen was his home. His safe space. She had been there for him, even when it hurt her. Even when he hurt her. No one had ever shown him such loyalty.

What had he given her in return?

Arrow House, 1923

Arrow House was full of people, all gathered to celebrate Tommy and Grace’s wedding. There was food, there was music, there was alcohol. Everything had been planned with the utmost care.

It would’ve been perfect, if only Grace’s family had upheld their end of the deal. Instead, the house was full of red uniforms.

But the cavalry wasn’t the only problem. Even on his wedding day, Tommy had business to take care of. He carefully watched the Russian man talking with Ada. Probably a rat. He would deal with him later.

He drank the whiskey in his hand in one go. He wasn’t supposed to drink, but he needed something to distract him from all the things that occupied his mind in that moment.

That was Grace’s day. It was important for her, nothing could go wrong.

Tommy’s eyes met Helen’s from the other side of the room, and suddenly the walls seemed to narrow around him. She had put on a smile for the day, told him she was happy for him, hidden her pain.

He couldn’t breathe.

He strode up the stairs and through the hallway, loosening the knot of his tie. When the entered his bedroom, Grace was there, fixing her make up.

He closed the door behind him, clearing his throat.“You’re needed downstairs.” He told her, hoping she would leave him alone for a moment. He needed to be alone.

She completely ignored him as she kept on focusing on her makeup.

“Grace, you’re needed downstairs, people are hungry.” He repeated, clenching his jaw.

“I was putting Charles to sleep.” She said, closing her lipstick and turning to look at him. “I’ll come down, but not with you like this.”

“Alright, fine.” He snapped, opening the bedroom door again.

“Tommy.” She called him, apparently changing her mind. He turned around, waiting for her to speak.

“I know there’s business on your mind.” She started, getting closer to him. “And I know there always will be.”

“Yeah.” He simply said, turning his back on her again.

“But I can tell there’s more than that.” She slightly raised her voice so that he could hear her as he walked into the bathroom.

He took a deep breath, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. He was making a mistake. Everything was wrong.

“You’ve been like this for weeks.” Grace followed him into the bathroom, crossing her arms over her chest. “I need you to tell me that is business that’s making you like this, and not regret over me.”

“It’s business, Grace.” He sighed. “Bad business.”

Grace stared at him, not saying a word. Tommy raised his eyes on her, his gaze softening a bit. He had no regrets. He loved that woman. She was his wife, now, the mother of his child. She had the right to be worried, and angry.

But everything seemed to be piling up on his shoulders. The business, the circumstances of their marriage, the Russians. Especially the Russians.

“I’m scared, Grace.” He admitted. “I’m scared for you, I’m scared for the baby. And this is how I am when I’m scared. It’s unfamiliar to you, but not to me.”

In that moment, Tommy couldn’t help but think that Helen would’ve understood. She wouldn’t even need to ask him. She’d just know. She knew him, just like he knew her. And he wouldn’t need to hide things from her. She wouldn’t make him promise to give up on the bad side of the business, because she knew that he just couldn’t do it. She would’ve stayed by his side, helping him with everything. He could’ve trusted her with everything.

No. He told himself. No regrets.

Arrow House, 1925

Tommy stood against the kitchen door, watching as Helen mixed some ingredients into a bowl, the smell of cinnamon and apples filling the room. Charlie was sitting on a chair in front of her with his elbows on the table, asking question after question about what she was doing.

Apparently, his son loved Helen’s apple cake. Or so Frances had told him.

Helen patiently answered each one of his questions, pretending not to see as he stole some slices of apples from the plate, from time to time.

“Daddy.” Charlie called him, noticing his presence.

“Hi, son.” He cleared his throat, moving away from the doorway and approaching him to place a kiss on his forehead. “Are you having fun?”

“She cooks better than the cook.” Charlie whispered in his ear, but he was loud enough for Helen to her him. An amused smile made its way on their faces at the child’s failed attempt to be subtle.

“I know.” Tommy replied, glancing at her.

She looked at him for a few seconds, but she quickly turned her attention back to the batter. Tommy couldn’t help but notice she had a bit of flour on her nose.

That moment took him back to all the times she had made that same cake for him. She had always loved cooking. She had started learning at the age of fifteen, making a mess in her mum’s kitchen. She would bring him every single thing she cooked, making him swear to say the truth about whether it was good or not. He didn’t mind that, though. She cooked really well.

Charlie was clearly happy about the fact that he was finally spending some time with both of them, too young to notice the tension between them. However, as if committed to an unspoken agreement, they tried their best to hide it. It wasn’t bad, though. They needed a break from their fights.

Tommy spontaneously kept the baking pan still as Helen poured the batter into it, his hand moving as if he had no control over it. He had done it so many times that she didn’t even need to ask him.

When she started placing the apple slices on it, Charlie’s eyes sparkled. “Can I do it?”

“Of course.” She smiled, showing him how to do it.

When he finished placing all the slices, Helen put the cake in the oven, looking at the clock. “It’ll be ready in forty minutes.”

“Can we eat it with tea?” Charlie asked. “All together?”

Tommy’s eyes rested on Helen, waiting for her to answer. Despite everything, in his heart he was hoping she’d say yes. He wasn’t only hoping it for Charlie, but also for him. But he wouldn’t push her. It must’ve already been hard enough for her to be in the same room as him, pretending everything was fine.

“Yes.” She eventually said, gently caressing the child’s hair before raising her eyes on Tommy. “We can.”

Rifles firing, screams, the roar of bursting bombs, dying soldiers, blood. A lot of blood. Doctors and nurses running everywhere.

Why would they attack a field hospital?

There was no time for questions. They needed to hide. It wasn’t too late to get to safety. Was it?

Helen quickly sat on her bed, frantically looking around her. It was a nightmare, just a nightmare.

It’s fine. You’re fine. You’re safe. You’re home.

She looked at the empty space next to her. After marrying Tommy, she never had to face her nightmares alone. Until that night.

She was too scared to go back to sleep. With her pulse still racing, she got up from the bed. She grabbed her robe, wearing it while she walked out of the bedroom, heading towards the room Tommy had been sleeping in for over two weeks.

Helen stopped in front of the door, debating whether to enter or go back to her bedroom. She glanced at the end of the hallway, where their shared bedroom was. In that moment, the thought of being alone with her memories terrified her. She slowly opened the door, squinting her eyes in the darkness of the room.

Tommy was sleeping. Helen reached the bed, sitting on it. She hesitated for a moment before gently placing a hand on his shoulder, shaking him a bit.

“Helen?” His raspy voice called her, but he didn’t turn around.

Helen felt incredibly stupid. After all the things she had said to him, she didn’t have the right to wake him up in the middle of the night. She’d understand if he kicked her out of his room.

“I… I can’t sleep.”

She didn’t need to give further explanation, Tommy knew what she meant by that. She had woken him up like that thousands of times. He sat up from under the sheets and turned on the lamp on his nightstand. He rested with his back against the headboard, his eyes holding some sort of gentleness. He patted on the bed, motioning her to sit beside him. Helen slipped under the covers, relieved by the fact that apparently he didn’t resent her. When she placed her head on his shoulder, he promptly wrapped his arm around her.

“You still have nightmares, don’t you?” Tommy asked her after a while, caressing her arm with his fingertips. Helen nodded, relaxing under his touch.

“I have them too.” He admitted.

As they laid there in silence, Helen breathed in the smell of soap, aftershave and cigarettes. It was his smell, and it was comforting. She had missed it, just like she had missed sharing the bed with him. She couldn’t lie to herself.

If a part of her told her to let him go, the other one was still deeply connected to him. That part always won, and she hated herself for that. Tommy was in her mind, in her heart, in her bones and her veins. And she couldn’t get him out.

Helen knew that she needed to get away from him. That was the reason why she had been looking for a solicitor. But if she had made up her mind, and knew that she’d be better off without him, why did her heart clench so much at the thought of leaving him for good?

She cleared her voice, abruptly moving away from him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.”

Tommy’s eyes followed her as she moved toward the edge of the bed. He grabbed her wrist with a swift movement to stop her.

“You can always come to me.” He said, looking into her eyes. “Whatever happens between us, I’ll always be here for you.”

Helen could feel her walls crumbling under the weight of his gaze. She hated how just a little bit of affection from him would make her melt. As much as she tried, it was impossible to run from her feelings. They always came back.

So she wasn’t surprised when she let him tenderly stroke her cheek, resting his forehead against hers. She wasn’t surprised when she allowed his lips to met hers, or when she brought him closer to her. When she let his hands run through her body, or when she let him take off her robe.

She had missed the way his touch seemed to burn on her skin, and the feeling of his warm body against her. She had missed the way he could make her feel beautiful.

And loved.

-

“Sham” tag list: @kitsnoopy @myjumper @onlydeadcells @ohshititsfenharel @literishdegree99 @a-dorkier-book-keeper @pulisvertz @notalxx @queenofkings1212 @leftdonuteaglepeach @inocrazeh @julietsecretjournal @lyarr24 @sleepyisy @ivegotparticulartaste @elliaze @mytearsricoshay @kishie8 @aafiyas @blyanyan

Tag list: @arwyn-the-cyrptic-bisexural @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Ikevamp Act 2.5

Chapter 16 Romantic

On the night of the Paris World's Fair bombing, I returned to the mansion for the first time in a while.

After some deliberation, I took Halil back with me and showed him to my room.

Mitsuki: "I'm sure you're still in pain, so you should stay here and rest, Halil."

Halil: "Okay. Thanks, big sister."

I left the room and went to the living room.

Isaac & Jean: "Mitsuki!"

There, all the residents of the mansion are gathered around, perhaps being informed of my return.

Mitsuki: "I'm so sorry for worrying you all!"

A large hand patted my deeply bowed head.

Napoleon: "Whatever the case, I'm glad you're safe, Mitsuki."

Jean: "I'm sorry for not noticing you were gone."

Isaac: "Are you hurt anywhere? You're so reckless once you're on your own."

Napoleon, Jean, and Isaac were with me back then, so they must have been worried.

Mitsuki: "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm really sorry. Thank you for worrying about me."

Dazai: "I'm relieved that you're safe, Toshiko-san. By the way..."

Dazai suddenly shifted his gaze.

Dazai: "Who are those three unfamiliar faces over there? Are those who I think they are?"

Leonardo: "That’s right."

Vlad: "This is the first time we've met in person like this."

Vlad: "I'm Vlad. Glad to meet all of Comte's family."

Arthur: "So those two fellows over there are Johann Georg Faust and..."

Mozart: "Charles-Henri Sanson."

Faust: "I never thought we would meet head-on like this."

Charles: "................."

There is a tense atmosphere as everyone is gathered in the same room.

Jean: "So you're the one behind Gilles's manipulation and even Mitsuki's abduction."

Vlad: "That's right. Oh, Will. You're here too, long time no see."

Shakespeare: "Lord Vlad, what brings you to the mansion?"

Napoleon: "You didn't just come to drop Mitsuki off, did you?"

Comte: "Let me explain that to you."

Comte first tells everyone that I was at the World's Fair with Vlad and that I got caught up in the bombing.

Theo: "What are you doing at the World's Fair with these guys again, Hondje?"

Mitsuki: "That's..."

Charles: "I invited her to go. I wanted Mitsuki to smile."

Vincent: "For Mitsuki?"

Theo and Vincent both look surprised, but Comte continues his story.

Comte: "We took a boy into custody at the scene of the bombing. His name is Halil, and we brought him home."

Comte: "He was on display at the World's Fair as an exhibit."

~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~

Halil: "Please, find my sister!"

Halil pleaded with tears in his eyes.

Halil and his wandering clan were forced to participate in the Paris World's Fair after repeated negotiations with the showman.

However, when they were brought to Paris, his sister, who had come with them, went missing.

Halil: "When my sister disappeared, I saw the man who brought us here getting paid by someone."

Halil: "So I thought maybe she was sold somewhere."

(That's, don't tell me...)

Faust: "Human trafficking?"

Leonardo: "That means the showman is connected to the traffickers."

When Halil and his group questioned the showman, he told them that he had left the matter in the hands of the police, and they had no permission to go looking for his sister, so he was forced to work as an exhibit.

Halil: "If anything happens to my sister―to Ulfa, I..."

~~~~~~~Flashback Ends~~~~~~~

Mozart: "I'm starting to get the story. You want to save the boy and his sister?"

Mitsuki: "Yes. I don't know if the police will act, but I can't just turn a blind eye to this."

(Besides, it might be some kind of coincidence that we are all meeting like this.)

Mozart: "You seem very determined."

Dazai: "It's a very straightforward idea, just like you."

As I felt relieved that everyone was listening, Arthur, with a serious expression on his face, frowned slightly.

Arthur: "I understand how you feel, Mitsuki."

Arthur: "But why do those vampires even want to meddle in this case?"

(I was wondering about that too. Why did Vlad even show up in front of everyone and come with us?)

(He seems like he cares about Halil, though.)

Vlad opens his lips as everyone's eyes are focused on him.

Vlad: "Halil and his sister―they are a little different from other humans."

Vlad: "They are probably a Dhampir, one with vampire blood. A descendant of it."

(Dhampir?)

The fact that Halil has vampire blood and the unfamiliar word is confusing.

Comte: "A Dhampir is a hybrid between a pureblood vampire and a human."

According to what Comte tells us, pureblooded vampires differ in the way they relate to humans depending on their clan.

Some clans consider humans only as their prey and do not interact with them at all. Others hide their true identities and blend in with human society, but some reveal their true identities to humans and seek coexistence with them.

Comte: "Some of the purebloods made love to humans. Some tried to be together, while others parted, but..."

Comte: "Halil's ancestors probably bonded with a pureblood and miraculously produced a mixed-breed child, Dhampir."

Because of the difference in race between humans and vampires, it's difficult for both to have children, and in most cases, Dhampirs are rarely born safely or grow up to adulthood.

Vlad: "In a way, you could say that Dhampir is the end result of vampires and humans trying to coexist."

(Coexistence...?)

Leonardo: "Ancestral Dhampirs grew up and had offspring with humans..."

Leonardo: "I guess the end result of that cycle is Halil and his sister."

Comte: "I don't think he's aware that he has vampire blood in him..."

Comte: "Halil has a very little vampire in him. He wouldn't even need to drink blood."

Vlad: "However, the stories of his ancestors were passed down in the family as folklore."

Vlad: "The showman took note of their different ethnicity and strange folklore..."

Vlad: "I guess he brought Halil and his family along to make a show of it."

Neither the showman nor Halil and the others believe the lore to be true.

Vlad: "But what if they really have vampire blood in their veins?"

(Ah!)

Vlad's words brought to mind a scene I saw at the World's Fair.

~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~

Showman: "This boy here, Halil, is a descendant of the head of a certain family."

Showman: "And it is said that his ancestors once mingled with a fearsome vampire and produced an offspring!"

Onlooker 2: "You have the blood of a monster in your veins? Might as well see if you have any interesting fangs."

~~~~~~~Flashback Ends~~~~~~~

The sound of the onlookers' mocking voices is not something nice to recall.

Isaac: "Wait, not many people believe in vampires that easily, do they?"

Faust: "But even if there's no basis for it, if it continues to be talked about, as it was at the World's Fair..."

Faust: "The family could be looked upon as an abomination."

Charles: "You mean they will be hated and persecuted...?"

Sebastian: "I have heard that even now, people are being made suspects in bombings simply because they are of a different race."

(Place of birth, environment, race. Minor differences like that can lead to discrimination and suspicion.)

If such negative feelings develop among people, the family may be ostracized in the worst-case scenario.

Vincent: "Vlad, are you saying that you also want to help them?"

Theo: "Are you worried that the vampire's existence might be carelessly exposed to the world?"

Vlad: "Whatever the reason, yes."

(Then everyone and Vlad feel the same way.)

(If we all work together, we can even help Halil.)

If we could join hands as Comte and Vlad did in the past, we would be able to reach out to each other.

Such faint hopes are held in my heart.

Dazai: "Let me ask you something."

Dazai: "If you saved their clan, what will you do with those who preyed on them afterward?"

(----!)

Vlad: "................"

My heart made a sickening sound at Dazai's question.

(Vlad has the ambition to manage thoughts so that humans don't commit stupid sins.)

(He says he's willing to make sacrifices in the process.)

If he follows that belief, Vlad...

Vlad: "I don't need flowers that do evil. I don't need those who have become irredeemably ugly and evil in this world."

Vlad: "I will reap the bud of sin, even if it stains my hands with blood."

Comte: "Vlad!"

Vlad's relentlessness instantly caused everyone's air to tense up.

Mitsuki: "Wait, Vlad! If you keep making sacrifices like that, you will..."

(You'll crush your own heart, more and more.)

Vlad: "I just don't want people to make mistakes."

Vlad: "They hate and kill each other. No one should ever have to experience that kind of sorrow again."

For a moment, Vlad's eyes turn sad and shadowy, but they are quickly drowned out by his strong will.

Napoleon: "Is that your justice, Vlad?"

Vlad: "Yeah."

Napoleon's words poke at a gap that cannot be filled.

Vlad gave only a short reply, stood up, and turned his back on us.

Jean: "Wait. Where are you going!?"

Vlad: "I'm not going to excuse myself for what I put you guys through. You can come after me and put your sword through this chest."

Vlad: "I'm not going to die, though."

His crimson eyes looked back at me, and our gazes locked.

Mitsuki: "Vlad..."

Vlad: "Mitsuki, I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted."

Vlad: "For the future of this world, I will make my choice, even if no one understands it."

Vlad: "Bye-bye, Comte, Mitsuki."

The smile he gave me as he said goodbye was so beautiful it made me speechless.

Faust & Charles: "............"

Faust and Charles also left the room after Vlad, and I just stood there.

(Why it's not possible?)

(Why can't we just go hand in hand...?)

Everyone watched in silence as their footsteps faded into the distance.

Vlad, noticing the presence following him, asks them both without slowing down his steps.

Vlad: "Both of you, do you not want to go to Comte and the others?"

Charles: "Nah, the only lord for me is you, Lord Vlad. Right, Docteur?"

Faust: "I simply prefer the more interesting guinea pig."

Faust: "If I'm going to go after a pureblood, I prefer to dissect an old geezer so creepy it makes me want to peek inside his head."

Charles: "You really are a twisted person."

Vlad smiles unconsciously at the unchanged attitude of both of them.

Charles: "Hey, Lord Vlad, do you want to help that family because you're like them?"

Vlad: ".............."

Vlad: "Pity and compassion may sound kind, but in the end, it's all about my staggering ego."

Faust: "Ego?"

Vlad: "Helping only those you can reach is a stopgap measure. This cruel world will not change."

Vlad: "I know that, but..."

Vlad: "A descendant of Dhampir, born of the coexistence of humans and vampires."

Vlad: "I just couldn't abandon that existence."

Faust & Charles: "............"

Faust: "Everyone's heart is so egoistic."

The conversation melted into the quiet night, and the three disappeared into the woods without looking back at the mansion.

Comte: "Vlad was once treated badly as a child by someone he trusted."

Comte: "Maybe he compared his own circumstances to that family."

Leonardo: "Whatever the past may have been, it's no reason to forgive inhumanity. We have no right to condemn his righteousness."

Napoleon: "But we can't just leave Vlad alone now that he's involved in all this."

(Vlad's heartfelt wish is for a kind world where vampires and humans live together.)

(Why are we so different from each other?)

We understand each other's feelings, but our hearts don't click like we are out of each other's reach.

I feel like I'm lost in a maze with no way out.

As I was thinking about this, I noticed a small shadow peeking into the room.

Mitsuki: "Halil?"

Halil: "I'm causing trouble for everyone. I'm sorry."

Mitsuki: "No, it's not your fault."

I crouch down in front of Halil, who apologetically slumps his shoulders.

He looked at me with big eyes. Suddenly, Vlad's words came back to me.

~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~

Vlad: "In a way, you could say that Dhampir is the end result of vampires and humans trying to coexist."

~~~~~~~Flashback Ends~~~~~~~

(Existence for coexistence.)

He has a faint hint of vampire blood in him, inherited from his ancestors.

In the distant past, his ancestors, both human and vampire, were united.

Even if they are of different races, live different lengths of time, or think differently, they surely seek to know the other person.

Connecting heart to heart.

(Everyone can be connected. Halil's existence proves it.)

Halil: "Big sister?"

I gently hold Halil's hand.

His slightly warm body temperature, distinctive of a child, overlapped with my own, and I felt encouraged by it.

(Let's believe again that we can hold each other's hands...)

(I'll connect us all...)

(So I'm not going to waver anymore.)

I stand up, still holding hands with Halil, and turn to everyone.

I look over at each person's face and speak my mind.

Mitsuki: "Everyone, I want to help Halil and his clan. And I also want to stop Vlad."

Comte: "Mitsuki..."

Mitsuki: "I know it's out of line to ask you to do this after the attack led by Vlad."

Mitsuki: "But I don't want his hands to be stained with more blood."

(Humans commit sins and mistakes. But if he still says he likes humans...)

(No matter how distorted that love may be, I want to be sincere with him as a human being.)

Napoleon: "Mitsuki, I don't know if your desperation will stop that guy. Do you still want to?"

Mitsuki: "Still. I don't want to give up before I've done anything yet."

Mitsuki: "I know this is all a selfish request. But please lend me your help!"

This is ego, arrogance, and pretense. But still, I bowed my head, knowing everything.

The silence continues for what feels like an eternity.

Comte: "This might be my last chance to find out what's in that guy's heart."

Mitsuki: "Comte..."

Shakespeare: "Lord Vlad himself has made a move. He will not abandon the family like this."

Dazai: "Then I guess there will be another chance for contact, huh?"

Mozart: "You're really reckless."

Jean: "It's not the first time."

The twelve of them smile and nod.

(Everyone...)

I felt our hearts unite, and my chest burns passionately.

I said "thank you" in a hushed voice and squeezed Halil's hand.

Previous Part╏Next Part

[chocolatepot]

Watching Persuasion (2022) ... It's as bad as promised. Overall, my feeling is that it's a soulless, algorithmically-determined production meant to attract fans of Bridgerton. It doesn't go hard enough in any artistic direction to justify the problems and just isn't a fun watch.

The opening flashback feels like they think the viewer is stupid and won't be able to imagine them having been in love if they don't actually see them on the screen.

Of course he hasn't written, they're not allowed to write if they're not engaged! Her lying around crying and bathing and drinking wine and looking through the box of things he gave her makes her seem pathetic, like she has no life apart from her regret.

Mary's letter ( :( ) made me laugh, okay. But they're ramping up the family's cruelty toward her, which is frustrating - the thing in the book is that she's overlooked and they're thoughtlessly unkind, they don't go out of their way to insult her.

Anne smiling and giggling with Mrs. Croft over Frederick ... what the fuck ...

Why does she always carry around this rabbit?? WTF??

I actually like the Fleabaggian asides as a concept, it's a good one for Austen, but what Anne actually says in them is too sharp. Same as what everyone says.

Henrietta and Louisa being like Anne's gal pals is frustrating, she's effectively an older generation than them even though there's only a ~10yr age difference. They shouldn't be trying to set her up with Wentworth, they consider her too old to get married and want him themselves, what the fuck! There's making changes in interpretation of characters and then there's ... decimating the entire point of the story?

Charles Musgrove is cute 😍

Yelling out the fucking window?!?! What?

Oh god the jam-on-the-face scene, this is so painful and """relatable""" and I hate it. Your life does fucking lack purpose, Anne, you do nothing except think about him and lie around.

Having Anne initiate avoiding Frederick is like ... I just don't understand the characterization.

Ugh Louisa why are you dissuading the marriage talk, this is what you should want.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH ANNE VOLUNTEERING THAT CHARLES WANTED TO MARRY HER FIRST WHAT THE FUCK that was SO painful

This is not dance music. I will give them points for doing the over-the-head waltz pose rather than just a basic anachronistic Playford country dance, though.

"He was so distant last night" you fucking ran away from him! Screaming into her pillow for him to love her - then why are you avoiding him?

Obligatory running in the woods scene, can't be considered "modern" and "relatable" if you don't run in the woods. Um, the English were not super into the French Revolution, I realize this makes her politically palatable to the audience but ... she's basically encouraging them to play at being the people trying to kill Wentworth.

"The boy could have been hurt" the boys were hitting her with sticks while she crouched on the ground!

Mary is actually the best thing about this adaptation. She is genuinely funny.

"Don't I?" Anne no you don't seem interested in him at all. (Also, she has the Turn-Down Collar of Relatable Modernity.)

Aw, we're losing the little fight over Henrietta going to see Charles Hayter. Because that would mean she was competing with Louisa for Wentworth and we can't depict women competing over a man because that wouldn't be Relatable, I guess.

ANNE IS FUCKING PEEING AGAINST A TREE WITHIN LISTENING DISTANCE OF LOUISA AND FREDERICK OH MY GOD

I don't generally use the term "virtue signaling" because it's mainly used by total assholes, but the extent that this production is going out of its way to make Louisa and Henrietta have a Positive and Healthy Relationship with Anne, Women Supporting Women, etc., I would have to call it virtue signaling. It is actively detrimental to the story!

Anne being eloquent and telling Wentworth off at dinner kind of came out of nowhere. It also feels like a bit of a replacement for the "fine ladies" bit that's been cut out.

In general, I don't hate the modern talk, but it would be better if that were just how the characters spoke. It jars because most of the time they speak reasonably like it's the Regency and then suddenly you have "sorry, Agamemnon joke" or "5 in London, 10 in Bath" or what have you.

Having Wentworth stand there glaring at Mr. Elliot for talking to Anne is just awkward, feels like they're trying to layer a Darcy/Wickham thing over their relationship.

Anne and Wentworth really speak too much in this. Together, I mean. What is the purpose of this conversation between them on the beach? I guess it's meant to show that he still has concern/regard for her but like, that comes through very well in the novel.

Being friends is a step up, you idiot! You are expected to be friends with the person you marry. Why are you walking into the sea?? Oh, of course she can swim very well, she's Modern and Relatable.

Louisa has been made so sensible that the jumping scene now makes no sense. And the whole point of the scene is that Anne finally takes a more active role and actually exchanges words with Wentworth so ... that's a dud now as well.

They share a whole carriage ride alone together from Lyme to Kellynch????

Oh FFS I was 🤔 enough at Lady Russell being made a wholly positive person, but she talks about sex with Anne and says she goes on European tours to have lovers? It's nice for Anne that she has all of these confidants and people who support her, but that's just ... not the story of Persuasion!

I hate hate hate the trend of dressing all of the characters except the heroine in reasonably accurate clothing and then being more artistic and stripped-down and modern with the heroine. It just isn't that clever. Like, sure, the first time, but it just looks like the designer got lazy and pulled everyone else's costumes from a bin. Lady Russell gets the same treatment which imo is making her too much on Anne's wavelength.

Uh ... so Mr. Elliot is just admitting his whole plan right out to Anne, basically?

Not enough Richard E. Grant in this.

Okay, the gold teacup is a bit funny. Not the slurping but the ostentation. Oh no Anne what the fuck are you doing what is this dream this is so painful and insane

More turn-down collars of modernity ... I hate this trope

Anne is talking up Elliot to Wentworth. This is ... the exact opposite of the book scene, the point of which was that they were starting to come together but were interrupted by Elliot. Anne using her cousin to make Wentworth jealous is just gross behavior.

Mrs. Clay's cleavage is so anachronistic, but I'll allow it. For personal reasons.

Anne's all pleased and surprised at Mr. Elliot's proposal. Um, that's not Anne. She knows she doesn't want him the whole time. And that damn rabbit again!

ANNE DRINKS SO MUCH. What is this obsession with making her a wine girl?

Whoa, having Anne discover Elliot and Mrs. Clay making out in public is uh quite a thing. Wraps that up without the need for Mrs. Smith, I guess.

Looking at all the couples in the church ... stealing from Pride and Prejudice '95, hm? But lol, like all these people would have come to the wedding of Mr. Elliot and Mrs. Clay. It would have been at least semi-scandalous and he doesn't have any money (although I guess he is rich in this one). This ending also feels like stealing from '05.

[melanielocke]

The Stars Collide - Chapter 23

I said I'd post the next chapter tonight, so here it is. Thomas' POV, and Charlotte is called. CW: discussions of PTSD and domestic abuse AO3 | Chapter list

It was a good thing that they were now sure the experiments Alastair had been so scared of were real. Thomas knew that. But he hated seeing Alastair in so much pain. He hadn’t intended to go into Alastair’s memory and he wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened. Now that they were back home, Thomas was still overcome by the urge to do something. To hurt Charles, to protect Alastair. But it was just a memory and he couldn’t do anything to help. He wondered if Cordelia had felt any better after she’d attacked Charles in the memory. He wondered if he would have felt better, had he done the same.

Alastair looked exhausted. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, no matter how many times he’d tried to blink it away, and there was an empty expression on his face.

‘Do you want to sleep?’

Alastair shook his head. ‘I’d just have nightmares. Besides, we have to inform Charlotte that I’m starting to remember.’

‘I can do that,’ Thomas said. ‘You don’t have to speak to her yet.’

Thomas waited for Alastair to protest, but he just nodded instead. ‘Okay.’

‘Let me know if you need anything from me,’ Thomas said.

Alastair went into the library and Thomas returned to the living room and grabbed his laptop so he could send Queen Charlotte a message.

‘Is everything okay?’ Gideon asked him after Thomas had typed and deleted about five messages.

‘No,’ Thomas admitted. ‘Alastair’s memories are coming back. He had a flashback, and we’re now sure that Charles was involved in some sort of experiment, with Alastair as the test subject. I told him I’d inform Charlotte, I didn’t want him to have to worry about that too. But how exactly do I diplomatically tell her her son was an abusive piece of shit?’

Gideon sat down next to him. ‘I can’t imagine Charlotte knew about this. I think it’s going to be a big shock to her. Maybe it’s better to schedule a call? She should be awake now, I’ll send her a message.’

Thomas tried to prepare for what he’d say to Charlotte. He needed to control his temper, he couldn’t be confrontational or angry. But had Charlotte really no idea what her son had been up to? And what had happened that Charles had turned out this way?

‘She has time now, I’ll set everything up in my office. Do you want me there for the meeting?’

‘I think that’s better,’ Thomas said.

‘And Alastair?’

‘I think it would be too much for him to have to talk about what happened with Charlotte,’ Thomas said. ‘He said it was fine if I let Charlotte know.’

Thomas followed his father into his study, where his father turned on the computer and sent out a message to Charlotte. A few moments later Charlotte appeared on the screen, sitting behind her desk.

‘Gideon, it’s so good to see you,’ Charlotte said. ‘And you too, Thomas. I’m glad you and Alastair are safe in Lightwood, though I’m afraid there has been no progress in the investigation.’

‘We have made progress,’ Thomas said. ‘Alastair had gaps in his memory and we’ve been working at restoring them. A crucial piece came back today. I saw a part of it, his memory power pulled us in at the last moment. He describes that Charles took him to a facility in the ocean. They went by hovership and then onto a submarine that took them down to this facility. They traveled there from the palace and Alastair said it took several hours on hovership to get there.’

If they all went over the journey and landmarks enough in Alastair’s memory, perhaps they would be able to narrow down the location and find the facility more easily, but Thomas wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea. Perhaps they could find the facility without harming Alastair.

‘It was a lab of sorts,’ Thomas continued. ‘Charles was very vague about its purpose, but they were there for a project that was very important to him, and that required Alastair’s cooperation as a test subject. The scientists there had a machine that we suspect was similar to the magic reader Henry invented.’

‘Impossible,’ Charlotte said. ‘Henry and I are very careful with who has access to that machine.’    

‘But Charles did have access to it,’ Thomas said. ‘And it was his project. We’re not sure what exactly he was trying to achieve, but he wanted to experiment on Alastair’s magic. But now that Charles is dead, there are other people who want to finish the project. We’re not sure who, or when they started again, in the memory it seemed like Charles coordinated everything. But whoever’s doing this, they need Alastair to finish the project, and I think that’s why they’ve been trying to abduct him.’

‘You really think Charles did this?’ Charlotte’s voice was soft. ‘It’s just, that’s now what he was like at all. He worked so hard to be a good leader for Fair.’

Thomas wanted to say something about how she didn’t know her son at all, but held his tongue. He wasn’t here to pick a fight.

‘Alastair’s memory very clearly points to Charles,’ Gideon said. ‘I don’t think there’s any doubt at this point that he was involved. What we need to investigate is what exactly he was doing and who else was involved. I suspect we will learn more as Alastair regains more of his memory. I think you should start with narrowing down where this facility might be. We’ll ask Alastair if he remembers anything from the journey that stood out, any landmarks.’ 

‘You’re talking about a secret facility at the ocean floor. You realize how much ocean floor we have right?’

‘It was light in the ocean,’ Thomas said. ‘I couldn’t see the surface, but I could look into the sea and it was well lit. Meaning it couldn’t have been too deep. Alastair traveled there from the palace, but it took several hours, which gives you a search radius. That should be a good place to start, right?’

Charlotte nodded. ‘We can try to narrow it down to the most likely locations. It just doesn’t make any sense. How does an underwater facility get built without me knowing? And I can’t understand why Charles would do such a thing. He was always so dutiful.’

Thomas didn’t know how to break the image Charlotte had of her son. And he understood it was difficult, he didn’t know what he would do if he had a child and the child ended up abusing their partner, or forcing them into illegal experiments. But at the same time, how was this news to her? Maybe Thomas was biased because he was so close with Matthew, but he’d always gotten the sense that Charles was obnoxious, self absorbed, power hungry. And Alastair didn’t seem that close to the Fairchilds at all, Charlotte must have thought that was odd right? After staying in Lightwood for two weeks Alastair already seemed closer to Thomas’ parents than he���d ever been to Charlotte.

‘I’m sorry we have to deliver this news,’ Gideon said. ‘I hope you can discuss what you’ve learned about Charles with Henry and Matthew, I’m sure it must be difficult to find out someone so close to you is not who you thought they were. And let me know if there’s anything you need from us.’

Charlotte nodded. ‘I will. And Alastair? How is he?’

Gideon looked at Thomas expectantly. But he didn’t know what to say. Had Charlotte ever looked after Alastair’s well being before? As Queen, the well being of foreign people living here and married for the sake of an alliance was her responsibility too, wasn’t it? Had she ever wondered why Alastair seemed so isolated, why he never spoke to his family, why he hardly had a relationship with her? He couldn’t give too much away with what he said. Alastair had given permission to share the memory they had just uncovered, not his entire history with Charles and Thomas didn’t think Alastair wanted Charlotte to know all of it. Thomas scrambled for the right words to say, to remain diplomatic, clenching his fist under the table in an attempt to stay calm.

Before he could say the wrong thing, his father took over. ‘Alastair’s resting, I think he’s still overwhelmed from the memory he relived. Thomas, why don’t you go check on him? I can finish.’

His father must have noticed Thomas was struggling to stay calm. He didn’t know how his father stayed so calm and diplomatic all the time. Thomas was quite proficient at controlling his temper, so much that among his friends he was known as the kind one, the calm one. But this whole situation made his blood boil, and he couldn’t burden Alastair with his feelings. Nor Charlotte. The only person who seemed to feel the same way he did was Cordelia.

He left the room and went to the library to find Alastair. Alastair had finished his book and was instead on his laptop. Playing a video game? Thomas didn’t realize Alastair liked that kind of thing. His character, a young woman with brown skin and glasses, was walking around something that looked like an abandoned warehouse of sorts. It looked rather unsettling.

‘Hey. What are you playing?’

‘No idea. I found it on the internet. Apparently it’s supposed to be a scary game set in an abandoned underwater lab. I thought maybe it’d help me remember more, but I haven’t reached the underwater lab yet and keep dying.’

Alastair was very tense, Thomas noticed, especially in his neck and shoulders. He often was, and playing a horror game was bound to make it worse.

‘Alastair, I don’t think triggering yourself is a good idea, especially after you already had such a massive flashback.’

‘But I need to know. I need to remember,’ Alastair said. ‘I need to know what Charles did to me, and why. Who he worked with. This afternoon, it was Lucie talking about being in a submarine that triggered the flashback, so something like this should bring back more.’

Thomas put his hands on Alastair’s shoulders, standing behind the sofa Alastair was sitting on.

‘You’re so tense,’ he whispered. ‘Is it okay if I massage you?’

‘Sure. But it’s just because of this game. Even before you get to the lab part it’s scary, and I’ve been jumped by something that killed me about ten times now. No additional memories yet.’

‘Are you sure putting yourself through another flashback is a good idea?’

‘There’s only so much you can do to prevent flashbacks,’ Alastair said. ‘If I have any, I’d rather they give me new information.’

Thomas wasn’t sure how to respond. This was a terrible idea. Alastair was going to hurt himself. But what could he do to stop him? Instead, he focused on massaging Alastair’s shoulders. He had a little experience with massage, mainly from ex lovers, he knew he could help Alastair relax.

‘I go back to the past a lot,’ Alastair admitted. ‘It’s just… I need answers. I want to leave the past behind me, but I can’t. I need to know what happened to me. And I need to know why. Why did Charles have to choose me, why did this happen to me?’

Alastair made a soft sound as Thomas felt his shoulders relax underneath his hand.

‘I’m not sure these are things you’re ever going to find out,’ Thomas said. ‘I don’t believe things happen for a reason. You didn’t deserve any of it, it was just how things turned out. Charles wanted to marry a Turanian prince, you happened to be available at the time. It’s just bad luck.’

Of course, neglect may have played a part too. No one had noticed something was not right, no one had been paying attention.

‘Exactly how much bad luck can one person have? Charles was meant to be my escape from my father.’

‘I don’t know,’ Thomas said. ‘But I don’t believe in fate. You’re not destined to be miserable, or to get hurt over and over. It’s not going to happen again, you’re safe with me.’

Thomas let go of Alastair’s shoulders and sat down on the sofa next to him. ‘Do you want a hug?’ he asked.

Alastair’s eyes went wide. ‘Yes,’ he breathed.

Like he’d been waiting for the offer. Like he wanted to be held more than anything. Thomas wished he’d offered sooner. He pulled Alastair against him, Alastair’s head against his shoulder.

‘Is this okay?’

‘It’s nice. I like how your arms feel.’

‘If you want to continue trying to trigger memories, I think you should at least do it with someone present,’ Thomas said.

‘No. I don’t know why you all got pulled into the memory, but I don’t want to risk that happening again. It’s so… embarrassing. I don’t want you to see me like that. It’s difficult enough that you know.’

‘I understand. But I don’t want you to hurt yourself looking for answers.’

‘No. Perhaps not. I finished the second book in the series. I still can’t quite believe Evelyn. Why did she do that? Why did she betray them?’

‘You’ll find out. She has a lot of scenes in book 3 where you learn more about why she did those things. She’s one of my favorite characters actually, she really believes she’s a bad person but I don’t think she is.’

‘She seems pretty bad in book 2. Maybe I should continue reading,’ Alastair said. ‘Not sure I have the required concentration right now.’

‘They’re making a show based on these books,’ Thomas said. ‘I think it’s coming out in a couple of weeks, maybe we could watch it together then.’

‘That sounds nice,’ Alastair said.

‘I think they have a trailer out already,’ Thomas said and he picked up Alastair’s laptop and searched for it, putting it on.

‘That’s not how I pictured Lydia,’ Alastair said. ‘Feeling kind of stupid for missing she’s fat. Was that in the books?’

‘She is fat in the books,’ Thomas said. ‘But it’s not mentioned a lot in the early books. The author uses a lot of euphemisms and often describes her as curvy, generously shaped. I guess it’s difficult, Lucie also struggles with how to describe her fat characters without making it offensive or gross.

But in the later books she’s described in more detail. I mostly look for the queer representation in these books, but my mother read them too and she loves that there’s more representation for fat women.’

Thomas only ever remembered his mother as being fat, but she used to be very insecure about her weight gain after her pregnancies. Good representation in books and on tv could do a lot for someone’s self esteem.

‘Yes, that’s true,’ Alastair said. ‘Everyone wants to see themselves in fiction. Stupid that I missed it in the books.’

‘It wasn’t that obvious so far,’ Thomas said. ‘Definitely more so in book four. Her love interest spends a lot of time describing her there.’

‘No spoilers,’ Alastair protested.

‘I haven’t told you who her love interest is,’ Thomas pointed out.

‘No, but still. I want to get there on my own. I really like Lydia though, I hope she finds someone who loves her.’

‘I like her too,’ Thomas said. ‘She’s so soft and gentle. Lots of people dislike her because she’s not a badass with a sword, but not everyone needs to be.’

Alastair snuggled closer against Thomas, resting his head on Thomas’ chest. It was overwhelming how badly Thomas wanted him, how much he loved him.

‘It’s a little cold in here,’ Alastair said. ‘It’s nice that you’re so warm.’

‘I get that a lot,’ Thomas said. ‘The climate here can get a lot colder than in the palace area, especially this time of the year. It costs a lot to heat up a big house so we don’t always turn on the heating here.’

‘I think I’m going to continue reading in the living room, it’s warmer there,’ Alastair said.

‘Okay. It’s about time I start cooking anyway. Mom already went grocery shopping, but we have everything for eggplant mash, sweet potato soup and baked butternut squash with a very creamy sauce. What would you like today?’

‘Eggplant mash,’ Alastair said immediately. ‘I really like your eggplant mash. I used to cook something similar with Kamala, though her version was a lot spicier.’

‘I think I’d die,’ Thomas said. ‘My version is about as spicy as I could handle.’

‘You can work on that,’ Alastair said. ‘Eat spicy food regularly enough and you’ll develop a tolerance. Unfortunately, Charles liked his food super bland so I’m not as used to spicy food anymore.’

‘I’ll get started,’ Thomas said.

They left the library, Alastair moved to the living room with his book to sit in a warmer place, whereas Thomas entered the kitchen and started preparing the eggplants.

His father entered the kitchen. ‘Do you need any help, Tom?’

‘You can peel an eggplant, right?’ Thomas asked.

‘Do you really think so little of me?’ Gideon asked, taking an eggplant in hand.

‘You do not exactly have the best reputation in this house when it comes to cooking,’ Thomas said. ‘But you’re free to help prepping. Did you finish up with Charlotte?’

‘She’s launching an investigation. She could tell you were getting mad, but she understands. You’re protective of Alastair, and part of you blames her for not protecting him better. She blames herself too, but it’s a lot for her to take in.’

Thomas sighed. ‘I know.’

‘It came as a shock to me too,’ Gideon said. ‘I’ve known Charles since he was just a baby, and I never thought he would do something like this. But I believe Alastair, and he should not bear the burden of our complicated feelings regarding Charles. It’s good that you get angry on his behalf. That means you care about him.’

Thomas nodded, finished cutting the eggplant into small pieces. ‘Can I ask you for advice?’

‘Of course.’

His father’s eggplant was unevenly peeled and cut into pieces, but it would do. For this dish it didn’t matter much as the eggplant was going to get mashed.

‘We’re not exactly together. Romantically, I mean. I have no idea if he has feelings for me. I didn’t think so, but Matthew thought he might. And I love him. But the thing is, I’m scared I’ll hurt him.’

‘You’ll… hurt him by loving him?’ Gideon sounded confused.

‘Yes. He might not feel the same, and he might feel pressured into reciprocating, or sleeping with me,’ Thomas said.

‘You don’t think he’d be honest with you if he doesn’t love you like that?’ Gideon asked.

‘I don’t know. On our wedding night, he pretty much threw himself at me, and it was obvious to me he didn’t want it. He just thought he had to. I think he now believes I’m not interested in him at all. But what happens if I tell him?’

‘I admit I thought you had already discussed your feelings,’ Gideon said. ‘When I see you two together, it reminds me of Sophie, or Will and Tessa. There’s so much affection between you two, from his side too.’

‘Maybe mom knows what to do,’ Thomas said.

‘Maybe. Though I’m quite sure asking him to make you scones and then hide them under your bed is not the way to go.’

‘I imagine he’d be very upset,’ Thomas said. ‘And angry.’

‘Sophie was angry too,’ Gideon said. ‘She came to see it as a well intentioned but very foolish attempt to get her attention, but nevertheless I would not recommend it. I think you should tell him how you feel. An arranged marriage must be a complicated situation for both of you, and you have to be able to talk to each other about what you want. I’m sure Sophie would agree.’

‘What would I agree on?’

Thomas added the eggplant to a hot pan and started cutting the onion. His eyes became a little teary, they always did and the red onion he used in this dish were rather pungent. ‘That I should tell Alastair I’m in love with him.’

‘Oh, yes. Definitely,’ Sophie said with a gleam in her eye.

She knew something he didn’t. Had she talked to Alastair? If Alastair did like him, would he have told his mother about it? They had spoken, but about this?

‘I’ll try,’ Thomas said. He had no idea when, but he owed it to them both to at least speak to Alastair about his feelings.

@alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @life-through-the-eyes-of @styxdrawings @justanormaldemon @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @amchara @all-for-the-fanfiction @imsoftforthomastair @ddepressedbookworm @queenlilith43 @wagner-fell @cant-think-of-anything @laylax13s @tessherongraystairs @boredfangirl16 @artist-in-soul @leslutapologist @ikissedsmithparker

[missymurphy1985]

The Writer (Tommy Shelby X Fem.Reader) - Part One

Warning - SMUT (eventually)

Request? Yes

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @heidimoreton

You looked in the mirror, straightening out your dress and taking a deep breath. Your boss David, who also happened to be your older brother, had arranged a meeting with you in the offices of the Birmingham Herald at 6pm sharp.

On the way there, you couldn't help but marvel at how you'd ended up here. Your husband had died two years after returning from war having suffered severe injuries, and after you'd taken on his job at the Herald while he was away fighting, falling ill on his return and subsequently dying, your brother, the editor, had kept you on so you weren't destitute. It was against all the principles of the time, a woman working, but your brother never once allowed the other men at the newspaper to talk down to you. You were the best storyteller and strongest journalist they had on the books and he would always have your back. The other men had grown to look at you as a sister almost - you were blessed to be in the position you were in.

Arriving at the Herald, you made your way to David's office.

"Y/n, I'm sorry to call you in this evening..." He smiled, embracing you and offering you a whiskey which you gladly accepted.

"I never have evening plans David, you know that. What was so important it couldn't wait til morning?"

"We've had an incredible offer and I want you to be the one to report it. The story is made for you."

"What is it?"

"Thomas Shelby has agreed to an article on his life to date!"

"Thomas Shelby? As in the Peaky Blinders?! Not a fucking chance David..." You recoiled in horror. You knew the man's history very well, you'd gone to school with his younger brother John and the stories of the Peaky Blinders were infamous. You hated the man - the thought of interviewing him mad your stomach turn.

"This story could launch your career into the big time Y/n! Think about it! The most secretive, elusive man in the country wants to tell his story to you!"

"To the Herald."

"No, y/n, to YOU. He asked for you. By name."

"How the hell does he know my name?" You'd written your articles under a male pen name so as not to distract readers from the content. Not all men were as modern as your brother and coworkers.

"No idea, but he specifically asked for you."

You mind turned - no one knew you worked at the Herald. You'd kept yourself to yourself, even moving out of Small Heath after your husband passed away. You'd lost touch with John just before he went off to war. There was no connection to the Shelby family at all.

"The reason I dragged you in at 6pm is because he wants to make a start today. This evening actually, there's a car picking you up in 30 minutes."

"David!! I can't do this interview for goodness sake, I'm not even close to prepared!"

"You have 30 minutes! Pull your finger out!" He laughed.

You'd crammed as much as possible in that 30 minutes as you could - your mind was whirring at 70miles per hour when the silver Bentley pulled up outside. Glaring at David, who simply smirked in response, you got in the car as the driver greeted you.

"Arrow House ma'am, won't take long to get there," the driver smiled as you asked him where he was taking you. Arrow House? His home? Why would the most secretive man in Birmingham want to meet you in his sanctuary?

************************************************************

Pulling up outside the huge mansion, you couldn't help but be impressed. The gardens were immaculate.

A middle aged lady greeted you at the front door and offered to take your coat. You smiled and handed it over, as she led you through to the dining room. You took the seat she offered.

"Would you like some tea Ms. Y/L/N?" You nodded, and she signalled one of the younger maids to action.

"Mr Shelby will be with you in a moment, please make yourself comfortable," the lady smiled warmly and headed out the door with your coat. You looked around the room. A large painting on one wall of the man himself with a large horse. There was a smaller picture on a cabinet just underneath that caught your eye. A beautiful blond woman, with piercing eyes and a loving smile, holding a small boy in her arms. You didn't know Thomas was married, let alone had a son. The house didn't seem to have much of a feminine feel to it though, it was borderline drab in its decor.

"My wife, Grace. And my son Charles." A voice behind you startled you, and you turned to see Thomas himself walking towards you, a glass of whiskey in one hand, a cigarette in the other.

"She's beautiful, Mr Shelby. And your son is adorable," you smiled, but he didn't return it.

"She certainly was." Your eyes grew wide as the realisation of what he'd said sunk in.

"Oh I'm sorry -"

"No need. It was a long time ago. Shall we get this over with Ms Y/L/N?" You nodded and he led you out of the dining room into a smaller one - clearly an office. The large oak desk sprawled out in front of the bay window. You took your seat opposite his at the desk and pulled out your pen and pad as he poured himself another whiskey. You shook your head when he offered you one, drinking the tea the young maid have brought in to you instead.

Your questions for him were simple at first. You asked about his childhood in Small Heath. His schooling. His childhood friends. Pretty much all one word answers, driving you insane, until you asked about his brothers.

"You knew John, didn't you?" He asked.

"Yes. Same year at school."

"Sadly, he's no longer with us. Shot by the Italians last year." You heart dropped - you heard through the grapevine that John had children and a wife and the news hit you like a freight train. You took a breath and a moment to compose yourself.

"I'm so sorry Mr Shelby..."

"I'm sorry too, I didn't realise you were so close?"

"We were close before the war. Lost touch after that."

"I don't remember seeing you with him?"

"My father wouldn't let me see him, so we had to be careful.."

"You and John were..."

"No no.. god no! Just friends Mr Shelby." He went quiet again, and sipped his whiskey.

Back to the questions. Mundane as they were, you needed them to get the full story. He wasn't forthcoming with the details. You had to really press him, but he spent most of his time drinking his whiskey and looking out of the window at the dark clouds rolling in outside.

"Listen, Mr Shelby, you clearly don't want this any more than I do so please, if you don't mind, I'd like to end the interview here." Your voice was stern, patience had officially gone out of the window he was so fixated with.

"Jack said you were feisty." You froze at mention of your late husband's name.

"How did you know Jack?"

"We served together in France. Good man."

"Is that how you knew my name?" He didn't answer, just nodded, again watching the weather changing quickly outside.

"Storm looks bad."

"If I leave now I should be fine." The first rumble of thunder made you jump, Tommy noticed your fear instantly.

"Scared of storms?"

"They used to scare Jack.." a second rumble had you grasping onto the chair.

"Stay until it passes." Was that a request or an order.. you weren't sure but he took your hand gently and led you into the hallway away from the window, into the main dining room again.

"Frances, have the curtains closed please." He spoke to the older woman who greeted you at the door and she dutifully obliged, closing the curtains in the large windows.

Tommy sat you at the table and gave you his glass of whiskey, your shaky hands accepting it this time. Every thunderstorm brought flashbacks of Jack's terror filled eyes.. his anguished cries of pain.. and ultimately the sound of the gun he placed at his temple before he took his own life. You took a sip of the warm liquid as Tommy sat beside you, a fresh glass of his own in his hand.

"Jack saved my life."

"He did?"

"Yes. We were underground digging.. we could hear the Germans on the other side of the dirt digging towards us... They broke through first and grabbed me. Jack beat them to death with his hammer to get them off me." Tommy's memory made you smile, and you laughed gently.

"He was always brave.. and strong. Put everyone else first. He never told me.."

"He never wanted praise, it was just part of his job. In return.. I said if anything happened to him I would make sure you were looked after."

"What?"

"The men at your office? They're under my watch. They respect you because you're a damn good writer, but they also know if they gave you any shit..." He raised his eyebrow and you couldn't help but smile. Even after his death, he was making sure you were okay. That was the Jack you wanted to remember.

"In that case Mr Shelby, I thank you."

"Call me Tommy eh? Here's to the bravest man in France." He clinked his glass with yours and you felt him almost begin to relax.

"I noticed a piano in the hall - do you play?"

"I did as a boy. My mother was a keen player, I used to watch her all the time. Gave it up after she died."

"I played for Jack all the time. It soothed him when he couldn't sleep." He smiled, a warm genuine smile that you couldn't help but return.

You'd spent the evening drinking whiskey and talking with Tommy, the whiskey hitting you much quicker than it did him, and you could feel your eyelids growing heavier.

"I have a spare room upstairs y/n, maybe stay tonight, I'll have my driver take you home in the morning." He stood before you had chance to argue and you followed him up the stairs.

He led you into a beautiful bedroom, the decor in here much more appealing than downstairs and the large oak double bed even more so.

"I don't want to impose Thomas..."

"That storm isn't letting up any time soon, and you're exhausted. You're welcome to stay. There's fresh clothes in the wardrobe. My wife was the same build as you, they should fit. I'll have my driver take you home at 7am. Goodnight Y/n..." His blue eyes lingered on yours a moment and you felt a rush of something you hadn't felt in a long time... Scaring you. Quickly looking away, you bid him goodnight.

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Toki’s Psychological State Through the Seasons

Toki is by far for me personally the most interesting member of Dethklok; I know to some degree he’s deemed as a potentially over hyped character by fans and even the show itself, but there’s countless reasons why people cling onto that character, and they’re good reasons. Even if said reasons just come down to “I think he’s neat.” that’s valid.

For me I am so fascinated with his character development, personality, and the varied chunks of background information we get about him throughout the series. A big part of this character is that when you look at him in season one compared to season four he is very different or at least he appears to be much different. Season one does establish that Toki does have a childish personality, his bedroom looks more like a room for a kid than one for a guy in his 20s. Season one establishes those basic facts about him that do heavily carry out through the show, but also increase as the show goes on.

Toki goes from immature but not overly immature to....a complete fucking wreck by the finale of season four (before Doomstar) and the reason for it is simple; it’s trauma.

Toki starts to act differently in season one after the Dethfamily episode; he spends practically that entire episode in a catatonic state, his parents always looming nearby like figures of danger and doom. After this we do get to him being bitter about being seen as immature and seen as the kid of the band (despite the fact he was barely 16 when he joined Dethklok) and when a charity informs him that a dying girl wants to meet him he turns into a complete prick. He finally comes out of that when he sees a video the kid made of herself singing a song about death and hatred, with that scene we see a small flashback of Toki’s childhood; him about the little girl’s age standing out in the snow staring up at his parents looking confused and a moment later he’s being smacked across the face. 

We could already gather beforehand when we found out he came from a very devout religious sect outside of Lillehammer that his childhood was sketchy, plus how he locked up when around his parents, but seeing the flashback of him being hit as a little boy.....Answers the obvious question of “did they beat him?”

Season one is the least eventful of the seasons. Season two is when shit begins changing drastically.

Season two Toki receives a call to inform him that his father has cancer and is on his death bed, the family and the church wants him to return to Norway to see his father. He acts completely fine about this initially, the phone conversation and the way he announces his father’s terminal illness to the band is as if somebody just asked to borrow his car. When it gets close to time to actually go and when they are in Norway it’s different though; he becomes anxious and clearly uncomfortable, in Norway he stays in town mostly, stalling around places he went to as a kid and a teenager before he ran off to America. 

He does handle his father’s dying well once he finally convinces himself to go inside his house and see him then follow through with his father’s dying request to carry him up to his old childhood home (which goes wrong because his friend’s are dicks.) 

I am not going to go into personal detail at all and my situation was nothing like Toki’s (it’s incredibly rare to hear situations like that anymore), but Toki handling his father’s passing freakishly well kind of was a red flag for me, because I know from my own experiences that when you find out something complicated like a terminal illness or the death of your abusive parent theres’ a chance you may respond way too calmly to it, and then later down the line days or months or years later something will trigger a big reaction to it. Which is what happens.

After handling his dad’s death well we get the most iconic scene involving Toki at that point and honestly still the most iconic; he beats a man to death with his bare hands. The thing that triggers this is a hallucinated image of a rabbit, an animal he associates both with his father and his childhood, the image of it triggers him to fly into an insanely feral blind rage taking it out on a guy who had been annoying him all night. Toki has always throughout the entire series shown signs of being a tad violent, but never THAT bad. Sure he shot down a plane and had accidentally caused a death or twenty (the whole band is, it’s part of the sacrifices to the Gods deal) but we had never seen him before or after that moment beat somebody to death. That is new and it came from a place of pent up....shit. Shit he never worked through and even after that continued to not work through.

Because after this we lead into him worsening further; he begins drinking. A lot. The band consist of dudes with addiction issues, mainly alcohol, but Toki never seemed to drink quite as much as them until after he went feral on that straight edge guy. 

Toki deals with his childhood trauma in several ways:

He drinks. A lot.

He focuses on fantasy and daydreams to keep himself from focusing on his past.

He spends a lot of time with Dr. Rockso who takes advantage of his kindness often, he also spends gross amounts of money bailing his clown buddy out of jail. Constantly.

He occasionally gets violent, but never to the point of manslaughter.

Seasons three and four are when we get fully introduced to Toki acting like a kid more than a guy in his 20s and it makes sense. Toki didn’t have a childhood; we learn that his parents essentially made him into a slave at a young age having him do pointless “chores” like sweeping snow during a storm, carrying stacks of wood much too heavy for a small child, etc. and when he failed to work quickly enough or failed a task they punished him. They punished him by locking him in a shed, they punished him by chaining him up like an animal, they punished him by smacking him, by beating him with a bull whip, and worst of all (who knew it could get worse) they would force him to stay for long periods of times in a deep hole dug into the ground. A hole where he hid a clown doll made of twigs and straw, the only friend he had as a little kid.

From all that we can gather through the show he didn’t exactly have a social life of any kind until his teens, the older he became the braver I think he became, and that was responded to with worse violence from his parents. I think the statement in season one about a vision of father killing son wasn’t totally off, I think if Toki had never run away from Norway that his father would have murdered him. I think his parents knew somehow that he isn’t entirely human, they knew he was something else, and I do think his parents had plans to kill him before he could become “too powerful”. 

That aside though.....Once we the audience as well as his friends find out far more details about his horrifying childhood Toki changes. A lot. He’d already been immature and a tad bit off but he regresses further after that, more prone to depression and outbursts, clinginess, and a need to feel like he’s loved by pretty much anybody.

This is a dude who is about my age that came to the horrid realization that any person or animal he loves will die because that’s his “gift”, the gift of death. He works his ass off to repress and rationalize a brutally nightmarish childhood, and the guys he’s in a band with who he loves and sees as his family....are dicks. We know that when he joined Dethklok before they got famous that they were all close, but when they began becoming popular and became immensely wealthy the others became more focused on self indulgence and power, less focused on this still a child who desperately just wanted a family.

I think a key factor with Toki being the way he is comes down to the band’s “no caring” rule. A rule that only existed because of Magnus. Toki is the baby in a group of people who have known each other for a good while, people who came to an agreement to not give a shit about each other for a reason they never explained to him because it’s too painful for them to think about. I think he always tried to live by that rule of not caring, he tried to bury all the shit wrong with himself the best that he could but he was never good at it. It’s also clear they all care about each other and they definitely care about Toki; Nathan and Skwisgaar often being the most protective of him. 

In season four aka the season where the show becomes less of a comedy and more of a drama with stunning animation. Toki is immensely more immature and awkward, he’s clingy with the band especially where Skwisgaar is regarded. Near the end of season four he’s completely fucked up; he splits his time between Rockso (his comfort object) and Magnus (a father figure to replace Nathan) in the dinner episode which has so much going on in it. So much. Toki is at his lowest point in the series; he shows up late, drunk as fucking hell, shirtless, and covered in bruises and cuts. Rockso is with him and when Charles tries to tell him Rockso shouldn’t be there Toki goes into a full fucking anxiety attack until Charles tells him it’s fine to have the clown there. Toki’s heavily dependent on Rockso by that point; his found family is quickly falling to shit. God knows what kind of shit Magnus might have been feeding him about the band at that point. 

Toki’s entire thing from day one/the pilot of the series is that he just wants a family. When he feels like he doesn’t belong in the one that he found and was taken in by he searches for family in other places, when he can’t handle the memories of his childhood he spirals hard. I understand that the guys didn’t really know how to handle it after they heard about Toki’s childhood so I can’t fault them completely for just.....shoving him off onto Rockso after that, but I still think they should have tried to be there for him more so, more directly. I think an outlet that isn’t a drug addled clown might have helped him in some way, I think if when he’d been a teenager if one of them had found out about his upbringing and just pointed out “that isn’t okay, at all.” then things might have panned out differently. 

Mental regression isn’t uncommon when it comes down to victims of trauma caused by extreme abuse. Especially considering his trauma all occurred basically from the get go; he was a child slave, the closest I would guess he ever got to having a childhood when he was a kid was seeing other kids childhoods. Going into town and seeing kids playing, sneaking into birthday parties just to be around other kids his age, etc. and he definitely was childish as a teenager, but I think he tried to bury that side of himself when his bandmates started teasing him or pointing out how unmetal it all is.....But then a douche bag journalist brought his parents to America, a little girl died, his abusive father died horribly (as he should) in front of him, he beat a man to death (allegedly), etc. 

He spent a lot of years away from all the trauma and the death and the bull shit then suddenly it started piling on top of him again and his escapism was fantasy, clinging onto a junkie clown, partaking in childish hobbies.....because why not? 

Each member of the band suffered some messed up shit when they were kids and it shows in different ways, this is Toki’s way of dealing with it....or not. I’m not entirely sure what his psychological state would be post Doomstar; the way he bounces back from immense trauma makes me think that he would be okay given some time and that’s a safe assumption to make, especially now that his bandmates/family will be there for him the way he needs them to be.

I want to tag @theidiotwiththepaintedface who hopefully will enjoy this painfully long deep dive into a character’s psychology lol.

[zzinvolterra]

I’ve read your post about the downsides of having powers and I loved it cause I always thought it couldn’t be that easy. Now I want to know the others!

I have a couple of ideas but I’d love to read your headcannons for Aro, Marcus, Edward, Alice, Jasper... I mean... everyone with a power.

Have a splendid day and be safe!

[previous post]

Thank you so much, you too!!

// mentions of panic attacks, anxiety attacks, sensory overload //

Aro

When he touches someone, he can read every though the person has ever had.

The possibilities.  I think the primary concern would be losing or mixing up his own memories with others’ thoughts.  He’s come into contact with vampires with millions of their own thoughts many times, and because of his memory, they’re all locked in there, perfectly preserved forever.  (Also, the criminals that he would be reading would likely have quite gruesome memories.)  So forgetting who he is, experiencing constant déjà vu and horrific flashbacks (that aren’t his... or are they?), and becoming overwhelmed to the point where he can’t function are all very possible.

Marcus

He sees the relationships or connections people have to one another.

I suppose Marcus could occasionally be overwhelmed, perhaps experiencing headaches when looking at a large coven.  (Also, there’s so much honesty in his gift, meaning in nearly every relationship he has, he knows exactly how they feel about him.  Which could be painful at times.)

Didyme

Aura of happiness, I guess. [not a quote]

Didyme emits an aura of happiness that seems unconscious and may have occurred to a lesser degree as a human.  Like I mentioned before with Chelsea, every relationship she’s had could have been affected by that.  (...including Didyme/Marcus - would their love be the same if she didn’t have her Ability?)  And depending on how much her gift affects a person, she could be sobbing (vampirically) and everyone else in the room would still be grinning and laughing euphorically.

Everyone else is under the cut!

Edward

Edward can read the thoughts of anyone in close proximity to him...

I just started MS, so I’m not quite sure how this is in canon, but I imagine it would be quite easy for Edward to become overwhelmed, especially as a newborn when he didn’t know how to block out voices.  He could also experience migraines.  Plus, in terms of how much he’s got bouncing around in his head, he’s like Aro Jr.  Not Good.

Alice

She can see into the future, although what she sees is based on decisions being made; thus, she must wait for a decision to be firmly rooted in the mind or acted upon, before she can see the end result.

Her visions send her into an almost catatonic state, and she sees them often enough that there must be quite a few of them preserved in her mind.  She exists on a different plane of reality, really, that must make it harder for her to connect with others.  Could definitely see her experiencing constant déjà vu (she’s just living to catch up to her next vision) as well as anxiety attacks from trying to avert every single possible disaster.

Jasper

Jasper has the ability to both feel and manipulate the emotions of those around him.

It seems like Jasper is constantly inundated with the emotions of others, including their thirst, so him experiencing sensory overload is definitely possible.  He’s also able to manipulate others with his gift, so unconsciously influencing someone could be a concern of his.

Bella

Her mind is impenetrable; no one can read her thoughts unless she allows it.  She can shield herself from all types of psychic attacks and learns to shield those around her.

I like to think that Bella feels a dampened down version of whatever she’s blocking, especially when she’s expanded her shield.  For example, she could feel a stinging sensation when Jane attempted to Pain™ them in BD.

Resume

She can show people her thoughts by touching their skin.  So far, no one has been able to block her talent.

Sounds scary, but okay.  Maybe showing other people her thoughts drains her energy?  (While we’re talking about her, I support the headcanon that Resume is like an immortal child in the way that she draws people in and encourages them to die for protect her.  Her Ability could increase that effect.)  There are also some weird parallels between her and Aro.

Zafrina

Zafrina has a strong illusory talent.  She can make her target see any illusion she wants, or see nothing at all.

Hmm.  I suppose for Zafrina, she could perhaps experience a diluted form of her own Ability when using it on others for an extended period of time.  I’m assuming that she has to concentrate on what she wants them to see, and maybe after a while, she starts seeing bits of it herself.  Or, her own vision could start growing dimmer as she exerts more energy.

Eleazar

He has the ability to sense the type and strength of gifted vampires’ talents.

Eleazar is like a gift metal detector.  Consequences could be that being around powerful gifts, or many at the same time, could overwhelm him.  For example, getting headaches when he was part of the Volturi or during the army witness gathering in BD.  (And I’m assuming Aro visits him semi-regularly, which is not an enviable position to be in.)

Kate

She has the power to cause a painful, electric shock-like jolt in anyone she touches.

I think with Kate, she could become drained, especially if she’s touching more than one person or using her Ability for an extended period of time.  And until she fine-tuned her control over her gift, she was probably shocking everybody and was afraid to touch those she loved in fear of hurting them.

Benjamin

He can influence the elements – water, earth, fire, and air.  He is able to physically manipulate the world around him with his will, similar to telekinetic.

Because of his power, Benjamin wasn’t allowed to leave the house for years, so yeah.  Downside of being the Avatar is everybody wants you.  Also, it seemed, at least in my opinion, that he doesn’t have the greatest control over his gift - meaning every time he uses it, it’s large and powerful.  In the BD (movie) vision, he creates a chasm... that’s deep enough to reach magma?  (Fault lines!!)  So if he were to ever lose that bit of control over his Ability, he would do a lot of damage.

Maggie

She is able to tell if a person is lying.

Maggie is compelled to point out lies, to the point where she can’t stop even when people become uncomfortable and punish her for needing to state the truth.  Therefore, hearing lies could hurt her, mentally or emotionally.  It could also be sort-of an obsession of hers to have everything be the “truth”.  (Do with this what you will - basically what I’m trying to say is that Maggie is unable to not point out lies.)

Siobhan?

Some suspect she can affect the outcome of a situation through willpower alone.

If she does have an Ability, I suppose it could be that the outcomes she causes have unintended side effects - a bit like how Alice attempts to manipulate events, but those new events bring new potential disasters.

James

He was a skilled tracker, able to sense in advance the most likely moves of his prey.

Demetri-ish?  Hyper-aware of his surroundings.

Victoria

She was exceptionally good at evading enemies.

She’s canonically good at hide-and-seek...?  To me, it seems like an Ability that was invented to explain why nobody could find her, but all right.  Perhaps a mix of Afton, hiding-wise (though she doesn’t turn invisible-ish), and Bella, evading-Demetri-wise.

Fred

He has the ability to make anyone feel physically repulsed.  He can use this ability to make someone unable to think of him for a period of time.

In “The Second Life of Bree Tanner”, it seems like Fred’s Ability is always active.  Perhaps gaining control of that power could be difficult because, until he does, he pushes everyone away...(Reneta-ish?)  Also, he’s called “Freaky Fred”.  Rude.

Raoul

He had a limited ability to make others view him as their leader.  It worked best on those who were directionless.

This is hard because it almost seems like Raoul is just exceptionally charismatic.  Potential scenario: if his directionless followers somehow found direction, he would have to deal with an uprising.

Alistair

Alistair can track both people and things.  He can sense the general direction of whatever he is looking for, but it takes him a long time to narrow this feeling down to a specific location.

(He’s very good at finding those car keys.)  He would be aware of his surroundings, similar to Demetri but to a lesser degree.  Not sure if he’d be as overwhelmed as often since it seems like he needs to focus on something specifically to find it, but I imagine his first few years weren’t fun.

Charles

Charles can sense when someone is lying to him.

Maggie 2.0?  Or perhaps more accurately, Maggie 0.5?  Sounds like he’s essentially Maggie, but less affected by lies.

Mele

Could take Abilities and transfer them to other people.  However, she couldn’t use the gifts herself. [Also not a quote]

Gift snatched.  Her power on its own is not very helpful to her survival, since she can’t harness the gifts she takes, nor is it beneficial to her existence.  In my opinion, Mele, due to her Ability, will always be stuck in the position of serving someone (like Sulpicia in Life and Death) or be killed because she’s a threat (Aro).

[go-ldy]

Riverdale 5x03

Man, I found this episode hard. There were some poignant moments, but there were also a lot of moments that were frustrating as hell. My emotions are mixed. But mainly sad. Hold me.

It really says a lot about this show that despite setting aside a whole episode dedicated mostly to character building and relationships rather than plot, it still felt like the show bit off more than it could chew. So much felt rushed including Bughead’s breakup.

anyway, the positives first:

Varchie were beautiful in this episode, and I am so happy for my Varchie mutuals for the care put into developing them and giving them this kind of send off (esp. considering the mess of 4x17 and 4x18). I loved how Archie’s flashback of his life over the last three years was just 90% about Veronica and how much she means to him. It especially contrasts to the BA “flashbacks” from 4x17 l o l. 

Archie spontaneously deciding to join the army and shipping out on an actual bus 24 hours later was so Archie and so Riverdale.  “Archie, there’s a war going on!” made me laugh out loud, IDK. 

Veronica, Betty, and Jughead chasing Archie down in the jalopy to say goodbye was a sheer delight.

Betty Cooper: FBI trainee, default law enforcement officer, yearbook editor, serial killer genes, daughter of the black hood, sister of notorious killer Charles Smith - ALSO class Valedictorian! (Can u still be class Valedictorian if you were once suspended for cheating on a Quiz Show? Riverdale High says ‘yes.’) Good for u, B. Coop.

yessssss at Hiram Lodge being forced to put Sheriff Keller back into a job to arrest those kids hiding out at Archie’s boxing studio (and Archie didn’t notice that these youth were squatting there for months ?????? lmao). I KNEW RIVERDALE DID NOT HAVE A SHERIFF THESE LAST FEW EPISODES. Truly the lawless hellhole we have come to know and love.

Jughead staying in the Andrews’ home while it was put on the market to be sold was hilarious to me. I know it was supposed to be sad - and it was - but ALSO, can you imagine perspective buyers coming into the house only to find that there is a homeless person camping out in there without furniture or electricity or heat? “Why is there a rolled up sleeping bag in the corner?” “Is that a typewriter on the floor?” “Did I just step into an old can of soup?” JUGHEAD, MAN. They probably had to turn off the electricity and heat to save money because he was single-handedly keeping the house from selling.

It was very sad that Jughead was the only one who showed up at Pop’s a year later (and then sees a blonde girl come in and immediately his eyes light up because Betty before the disappointment o m g, murder me), but also a surprisingly relatable moment? I barely remember my own high school graduation, but I do remember that my high school friends felt like everything to me at the time, and I have since fallen out of touch with, uh, all of them. Life happens.

The stuff that was meh:

In theory, I am not opposed to the idea that Jellybean became the auteur/voyeur because she felt neglected and wanted attention, but it still feels like Jellybean is only about 25% of a character. Like, we heard a lot of other people (mostly FP and Jughead) tell us about JB’s motivations, but did JB have a single speaking line in this episode where she actually got to express to anyone what she was thinking and feeling? ugh. 

I don’t care about Falice, but ????? @ FP’s solution to fix JB. So... taking her back... to her drug dealing mother who did not even show up for her own son’s funeral.... is better than a child therapist? Fine. 

Nobody seemed to have any lingering reactions or trauma to Charles being a serial killer?? Like what. Is he even in jail? Or did Betty just let him go? This is actually quite inconvenient for me from a fic-writing perspective. Nobody is a better deux ex machina when Betty or Jughead need something in fic - just call their brother Charles who works for the FBI! I guess that’s done now.

I did feel for Alice, and Alice is not a character I usually feel for because she is the worst. But her husband and eldest son ended up being serial killers, Polly is in an insane asylum, the twins have disappeared from planet earth, and now FP is leaving her. Damn. That is a lot.

So did Choni breakup? It literally happened so fast with so little emotional fallout. Whatever, I don’t care about Choni.

The Beronica and Jarchie scenes were so rushed and forced. I just don’t get this storyline, y’all. What was the point of doing what they did with Betty and Archie in 4x17 and 4x18? Was it simply to break up our two main couples? Veronica and Jughead should have each had the time and space to be angry with their BFFs over what happened (because as crazy as this town is, it is still a massive betrayal) but instead they were both like: “NAH IT’S COOL SHIT HAPPENS LET’S HUG IT OUT.” It didn’t feel earned. I feel like RAS & Co. wanted the immediate drama of the ~kiss but also wanted to have this touching, Core 4 friendship moment before scattering them. What was the point. (I KNOW, I KNOW, ‘IT’S RIVERDALE’ but these characters matter to me ok and I want to understand where they are coming from.)

Bughead

This episode was... very hard. There were some cute moments, but the breakup felt so rushed and... empty? For the most part, we still have no idea where Betty’s head has been since 4x18. Presumably, she has been wracked by guilt, but terrified of telling Jughead the truth in case she ended up losing him (which, it turned out, was exactly what happened).

The scene in their bedroom where she tells him and they kiss desperately was a beautiful scene and the acting from both was oof. But I feel cheated that we did not actually get to see them talk about “us” as Jughead suggested. So did that conversation happen or not? And then to be told in a voiceover and montage that they grew apart in the space of about 45 seconds.... it was all very empty, and painful. I just.... :( :( :( 

I guess we are supposed to assume that Betty and Archie’s kiss created this chasm between them that they were unable to talk about or address head on. But it was so rushed, very “tell not show.”

anyway, this stupid show has made me sad. I AM SAD. My heart is :( @ the unspoken hurt between them that they won’t talk about for seven years. And this show is never going to address the hurt between them in a realistic or satisfying way because it is Riverdale. Usually I would immediately reach to fic to get out my feelings, but in this case, I feel more like hiding in my zombie AU then dealing with how sad this all is lol. Is that insane? That’s what Riverdale does to us. I take heart in the fact that I am not alone in my madness.

[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

[airi-p4]

Last chance - Chapter 1

Ready for a new multi-chapter Lukanette angst fic? ;)

Rated: T

AO3 Link

___________________________________________________

Marinette’s POV

He’s gone.

I took him for granted. For my second chance, my second choice, my plan B. And now he’s gone.

I should have noticed when he kissed me. I thought it was out of greed or desperation, maybe jealousy. But it was not. It was his way to say goodbye. His last attempt to make me notice him. But I only hurt his feelings. And now he’s gone.

For some days, I thought it was alright. Sad, but still alright. He was my second, after all. I should be fine as long as my first choice and the love of my life was still there.

Until it wasn’t.

No matter how much time I spent with my boyfriend, it was never enough to fill in the void he left with me. No matter how many days, weeks, months or years passed by, my emptiness couldn’t be filled back.

I cried a lot, without knowing the reason why. For months, for years. Hiding my tears from my boyfriend.

And then I finally understood everything.

How he had never been my second choice. How he was always the one supporting me. My pillar. How I can’t be happy in a world without him.

I understood what true love was.

Comfort, trust, safety. Good and bad times spent together. Always together. Treasuring each other. Peace.

I misunderstood it for too long and now it’s too late. He’s gone. And he’ll never be back.

It doesn’t matter if I broke my engagement. It doesn’t matter how much I keep writing him messages that I’m unable to send everyday. It doesn’t matter how much I need him. Or how he is the only one I can ever love. He’s gone. Getting married soon, and surely forgotten about me. Probably with the worst impression I could ever leave on him. And I can’t blame him. It was all my own fault.

*Flashback*

“Why… Luka, why did you kiss me? You know I’m with Adrien! You can’t do this against my will! Take it back! I don’t want Adrien to hate me!”

“I’m not taking it back. NEVER”

“I HATE YOU!”

*Flashback ends*

How come I never noticed his pain? Why did I never consider his feelings? I was fond of his love for me. I would internally brag to myself for it. How Marinette is loved by two fantastic boys… How could I ever attempt to get him back after that? He hates me for sure. I hate myself for that, so of course he must hate me too.

Why give it a second chance to a love that ended once? Why should I retry going back to him when his feelings must be fully buried under the sea of his heart, dead. Would it be possible to access there through his deep, calm water-colored eyes? No, of course no. Because he is no longer here. He’s gone.

But how can I keep on going when I’m hurting this much? All my inspiration dried out, only anger, sadness and loneliness kept me going. And my head keeps spinning around, stressing over and over about how I’ll never be able to correct my mistakes.

And now I’ve sunk to the bottom. The dark bottom of my heart. Pitch black. Not a single spark of light is there. Nor hope.

I wonder how many days it has been. Weeks? Months, maybe? I see how my skin is getting whiter and I’m getting skinnier as time goes by. But I can’t help it. I’m not hungry, not even thirsty, not even sleepy. Physical pain has no effect on me anymore. But my heart… All my pain concentrated in that single spot of my body.

I can’t take it anymore… I want to disappear. Just fuse myself with the darkness I’m surrounded by. Turn ashes, or water, or air… maybe a star, if I’m lucky enough. Maybe… If some of Ladybug’s magic luck remains on me… just maybe... a miracle could happen.

Oh

Maybe, it can happen. Maybe I can do it.

I have nothing to lose, and everything to win.

Maybe I don’t have my second chance anymore but I can have one last chance- that’s right, the rabbit miraculous.

It’s been years since I returned the Miraculous box to the Temple of the Miraculous, but I’m still its Guardian. And I still have the only key to open it.

I can do it.

And if the rabbit fails I can always use the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous together… NO… I shouldn’t... If my most precious thing is taken, then there’s no reason to use the wish. I have to make it right with the rabbit. Yes, that’s exactly what I need. I’ll correct this timeline. I’ll rewrite the past, change this reality and be happy at last. It's my only hope.

My last chance.

I stand up from my desk and pass through the door to go see my secretary.

“Sabrina, buy me a ticket to Tibet for tomorrow and cancel all my appointments for this and next week”

“Are you sure, Marinette?” she is surprised. Of course she would be.

“Do it. Tell all the employers they have a two week vacation break”

“Understood. Any seat preference for the plane?”

“I don’t care about that. Just buy me the flight that leaves the earlier the better. I'm counting on you.”

“I’ll let you know as soon as it’s booked”

That’s why I like her. So reliable. “Thanks”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re smiling again. You look way prettier now”

I never noticed I was smiling, or that my face looked better. Is it the power of hope? Probably. I just need to get my things ready. Knowing Sabrina, my leave will be imminent.

I leave the office and reach home in 10 minutes and the phone rings just 10 minutes later.

“Marinette, it’s Sabrina. Your flight is leaving tomorrow morning, 10AM. Be there 2 hours earlier for security procedures.”

“Thanks, Sabrina. I owe you one”

“No, you don’t. I’m always glad to help a friend. I hope you can find what you’re looking for there. Have a safe trip”

“Thank you. Enjoy your vacation”

“I surely will. See you later”

It’s still somewhat strange how my enemy and rival’s BFF is now my secretary. I’m glad I can call her my friend now. She has helped me in a lot of ways, but not even Sabrina or Alya, or any of my friends can cure my loneliness. Not when he is no longer by my side...

The next day, 8AM.

Charles de Gaulle, Paris' International Airport

It’s been a while since I was last here. Since… yeah, that time. The time I tried to reach out to Luka after knowing he was leaving. The day I keep regretting over and over for all these years. Regretting how I never made it on time before he left. How he left just like that, from one day to another. No goodbye. Nothing. He was just gone. I couldn’t stop him and we've never met again after that. Just stepping here triggers the memories of that day I keep trying to bury deep inside my mind.

Yes. It was also that day. The day after the kiss. Our first and only kiss. The kiss I refused to accept for months but that I would give anything now for it to repeat.

Which is exactly what I’m about to do.

I’ve been avoiding coming here all these years for a reason, relying on private planes and small airports. But now I’m here to make this reason disappear. So I can go back to the time he was here. The time I was unknowingly the happiest. Not because of Adrien or any of my friends. Just because Luka was still there, by my side.

I still feel stupid how I didn’t notice my feelings earlier. Even my own feet knew better than me. Anytime I needed support, Luka was the answer. Anytime I needed calm, Luka was there for me. Anytime I wanted to share some happy news, Luka was always happy on my behalf. Anytime I needed a shoulder to cry on, Luka lent me his. And even after he left, my feet kept taking me to where he used to be. Even if his boat was nowhere to be seen anymore. Even if his apartment had a new tenant. My feet always knew better than me. Searching him felt like a need for my body.

But now these feet need to go to a far place, trespassing first through the main doors of the airport.

I search for my flight on the big screen. 10AM, Beijing. There it is. Counter… OK, I know where to go. Tibet, here I come.

I can only take 5 steps until I collide into something. A person. Familiar clothes. Too familiar, maybe. And not the ones I wished to see.

“I can’t let you go, Marinette”

“Alix...”

“I know what you are about to do. I’ve been warned. I can’t let you do it”

“Alix, I need to go. I really need to do this.”

“No, you don’t. You can’t”

“I will”

“You need to stop. You should know better than anyone the consequences. The reason you took away my miraculous… everyone's miraculous... I can’t let you do it”

“Well, Alix, I’m sorry, but you can’t stop me! Look at me. Do I look like I have anything to lose? Do you think I’m strong enough to keep living like this? With all this regret? With this pain? Surrounded by pitch black darkness? No! I’m not strong enough. I’ve tried for so long… I thought I could move on, but I couldn’t! And I can’t take it anymore... ”

“There are other ways…”

“Oh, yeah, I thought of other ways too. The only other one that could probably convince me was jumping from the balcony of my 5th floor apartment. Or maybe from the Eiffel Tower. Ladybug dying on the Eiffel Tower would be even more dramatic, even poetic, I would say. Should I go with this instead?”

“Marinette. There ARE other ways”

“No, there ARE NOT. You know how I work. How I always find a plan for everything. How Ladybug can make anything succeed. Well, this time my only plan involves the Miraculous. So I have no choice but to do it”

“You don’t understand”

“I DO understand. I can’t keep living like this anymore. Luka is getting married. I’ve been avoiding all his dating news, but you can’t run away from them when an internationally well-known French Rock Star like him gets engaged to Chloé Bourgois, former Queen Bee and one of the best stylists in the world. Which means, I don’t have a second chance anymore. It’s too late. He’s gone. Forever. And I’ll also be gone forever too if I don’t go to Tibet right now. Just look at me! Regret is destroying me from my insides. I have nothing to lose anymore...”

Sabrina had tried to hide Chloé’s Wedding Day from me, knowing how I was pining over Luka. But she received an invitation to their wedding, and she marked it on her personal journal. She asked me if she could have that day free. ‘Family matters’, she said. I knew she was being considerate, but knowing Luka was going to be married in two months made him completely unreachable for me. No more draft messages could help me calm down anymore. And the fact that I’m not even invited… It only makes it clearer how he despises me, hates me… or maybe how he has completely erased myself from his memories. I’ve hurt him for so long, so it’s only natural but… not even time can heal me.

But I can restore everything with the Miraculous magical powers.

“You really DO NOT understand”

“I DO! Why do you keep telling me I don’t? I’m greedy! Having my friends is not enough for me anymore! I NEED him. It’s always been him!”

“Marinette. LISTEN TO ME. I’m here because YOU - The future YOU, asked me to come”

“I don’t believe it”

“Futurebug said you wouldn’t. But you need to, because you still have a second chance”

“That’s impossible. I’ve been thinking about this for years and there is no other way, I’m sure of it”

“NO. You’ve just been too scared to try. There’s something you can still do. Something you’ve been too scared to do. The answer you’ve been looking for has always been in your hands. Inside your draft folder. Why haven’t you tried to reach him? Why did you keep your feelings to yourself? You are too afraid of rejection. That’s why you never tried”

Alix is right. I’m scared- no, I’m TERRIFIED. I’ve always been. Every single day since he left. Rejection would be the final piece to my complete defeat. Funny how humans' survival instincts worked… Always avoiding damage, trying hard to live no matter what… That’s what I’ve been doing since that day. I tried replacing his place with Adrien’s love, but it didn’t work out. Everything I tried failed. But I'm afraid Alix is right: I can’t say I put all my effort on Luka. Not when I couldn’t dare to see, talk or even contact him out of my fear. Fear of rejection. Can I be more pathetic?

“Marinette. Just send them. All of them. All your drafts. Send them to him. Let him know how you feel”

“And what would be the point? That would change nothing. He’s getting married, nothing I do can change that. Not after all these years…”

“Why don’t you try? You said it yourself: you have nothing to lose. Give it a try”

She’s right… I have nothing to lose… And if I fail, I can always continue with my plan to change the past and to make this timeline disappear -even with the consequences it would take. I’m still afraid but...

“Ok. I’ll do it. I’ll send them. But with one condition”

“I'm all ears. You know that, Buginette”

“If I do… if I send them… You are not interfering with my plan anymore”

“Deal. But only if you send them ALL, and NOW. In front of me, and wait one week before doing anything stupid”

“ALL of them? There’s more than 900…”

“I know. Almost one for every day you were apart... I want you to send them all. Don’t make that disgusted face. We have a deal?”

“OK. I’m sending all of them. But we have a deal. You’re not interfering anymore”

I know I have nothing to lose but this is still not as easy as I thought… Unlock screen, Mail, Draft folder, there it is. Send them all button… Is my smartphone screen looking blurry? Why is it so hard to press a single button that’s just in front of me? Wait. How do I know he hasn’t changed his e-mail address? Or maybe erased it? I can’t know... but I can not not send them… I have a deal with Alix, and I really want to take this last chance... My finger is just over the button. Just one touch and… press.

“That’s it. Sent”

“Well done, Buginette! I’m proud of you!”

I can’t believe I really sent all those, after all this time… I’m somehow… relieved. Being held by Alix has a slightly calming effect on me too. When did she grow so tall?

“Hey! Don’t cry, Marinette… Now you can go on without regret… you did your best”

I don’t know when I started crying. I didn’t notice. I don’t know when I started clinging to Alix in order to cry desperately. Like a little child who misses his mother or like if someone has just presenciated they loved one’s final breath. I can feel how all the tears I’ve been collecting inside my heart for a long time have started spilling from my eyes. Unstoppable, salty, heavy. Filled with all these years sadness and regret. Now leaving my body drop by drop.

I don’t know how much time has passed. But I can hear how the airline is calling for me. I feel better, lighter. Something lifted from my body. But I’m scared. It’s not that I expect Luka to really see or answer my messages… but there’s that ‘what if?’ feeling one can’t avoid having after making a decision. Even more if it’s a matter of life decision like the one I just took.

“I have to go. Thanks Alix”

“Remember we have a deal. Don’t do anything stupid”

“I know. One week. I can do that. I have nothing to lose, anyway”

“Take care”

“Thanks Alix. You too”

I feel gross from all my crying. Wet, dirty, snots coming out my nose… Thank god Alix had some tissues with her… I used all of them and I still need more. I’ll have to go to the toilet after I finish my check-in. I’m thankful for Alix support, but I can’t look back. What’s the point of sending all those messages now, anyway? I have to be realistic. He’s gone. And this ticket I’ve just got is giving me one last chance.

My only and last chance.